#is this connected to the ongoing vertigo or was i just really too stressed today and im having a hashtag moment

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

how do i get my body to understand that id really love to actually be in it

[randrvstheworld]

Lost luggage, stolen bikes & sightseeing: the Rio therapy sessions

It’s been a tough couple of days. Ultimately things can only go up from the point of feeling like utter crap & a lot of good things have happened in the last 48 hours so I’m starting to feel a lot more positive. 

The bottom line is - Rio is awesome; beautiful, fun, sunny, heaps of fun stuff to do, loads of awesome street art, incredibly friendly helpful people everywhere & cool vibes which is exactly what I hoped for from a place I have wanted to visit for so long. However, it was off to quit a rocky start. As I mentioned in my last post I have been struggling quite a bit recently for a number of reasons, some of which I omitted from this blog for personal reasons, but have been massively looking forward to the arrival of Hannah from London for the festive period (not that I’m feeling too festive in 30+ degrees of sweltering heat, but that’s beside the point & also not necessarily a bad thing because I will never, EVER complain that the sun is shining, especially when I know my friends back home are cold & miserable). However, Hannah’s arrival was blighted by her airline leaving all her luggage in Germany, from whence she connected to Brazil from London, & she arrived stressed, tearful, sleep-deprived & anxious with no clean clothes or vape equipment in desperate need of a shower & nicotine. It was not quite the movie-level reunion either of us had planned or hoped for but did involve a lot of hugging & crying as expected. However, the people at our hostel here are impossibly lovely & were very sympathetic towards Hannah’s plight & so in a flurry of activity between them & myself within ten minutes Hannah had cigarettes, a towel, fresh clothes borrowed/donated from me, all the toiletries & makeup she could possibly need, coffee & a freshly made bed in the bunk directly above mine. After her sanity had been restored we set out to truly begin exploring the wonders of Rio.

This involved taking a cable car up to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain - world’s most adorably named mountain imo - which again marked big achievements from me in my ongoing quest to eliminate vertigo from my life. The mountain is remarkably smooth & very tall, like a giant turtle shell rising out of the ocean, & wrapped in jungly-ness. From the top we could see all of Rio; it’s surrounding islands, the harbour & it’s scattered boats, numerous more pre-historic looking mountains in the distance, Jesus with his arms spread, & many circling condors. It was a blissfully sunny day & it was truly incredible to see for so far all the beauty of this incredible city. During our ogling of the delicious views we were visited by heaps of tiny adorable marmosets that scurried along the viewing platform eating candies & numerous other decidedly un-marmoset-y treats donated sneakily by wayward tourists choosing to pointedly ignore the PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE MARMOSETS signs. I was very happy about this because a) marmosets are the cutest things ever & b) Hannah had specifically requested the sightings of monkeys during her stay & as a regular human & not God I was somewhat concerned about my ability to be able to deliver on this & yet here we found ourselves, on day one, looking at the cutest monkey-type creatures ever, right up close & in their natural habitat.

When we descended the mountain, the sun was beginning to set & we went for a swim on Batafogo beach where we saw green parrots & drank coconuts & ate THE BEST CHURROS OF OUR ENTIRE TRIP SO FAR. It seems they love dulce de leche even more in Brazil than any of the other places we’ve already visited in South America & this is in no way a bad thing. 

The next day - yesterday - we sunbathed on the world-famous Copacabana beach, then rented bikes & cycled to Rio’s lagoon, which is vast & beautiful & surrounded by mountains. Rio is pretty progressive in its cycling policies with lots of proper cycle paths round the whole city so cycling about seemed like a no-brainer. After making it halfway round the lagoon we decided to follow the signs to the botanical gardens & spent a blissful 90 minutes there before it closed. Not only does Rio have the best churros but is also home to the best botanical garden I have ever seen; it’s more like a huge, vast park than your typical greenhouse-like BG & we oohed & aahed over the most ginormous palm trees, beautiful orchids, & some fruit that look like giant lychees before inadvertently stumbling into monkey land: big patches of bamboo where we must have witnessed literally 20 monkeys eating their lunch. Another great score for Monkey Watch. Again, a real treat to see these sweet creatures right up close in such a beautiful environment. We also found giant fish & a turtle & a capybara in a lilypad-filled pond. I just love seeing exotic creatures in their natural homes. It really fills my heart with such joy & Hannah too was so excited by this it made me even happier. 

After the park closed we returned to our bicycles & cycled back round to our lagoon starting point & took a swan pedalo out across the water as the sun went down & the city lit up all of it’s twinkling night lights; very beautiful reflected in the water. Roxy had had to go home before this to sort out some stuff for a doctors appointment so Hannah & I, post-pedalo adventure, walked all the way back catching up on 6 months worth of gossip & ranting & counselling each other over our respective woes. It felt great to have a bit of time for just the two of us to talk & reminisce about anything & everything; I have missed Hannah so much & I didn’t quite even realise how much until she got here. I still can’t quite believe that she is actually here in Brazil. This is literally the longest we haven’t seen eachother in the entirety of our friendship & I have really struggled without her.

However, all good things must (temporarily at least) come to an end & on our way home, whilst stopping to buy Hannah some new clothes & stuff while she awaited the arrival of her luggage (thank you Lufthansa for the free sh*t, you incompetent cretins!) one of our renal bikes got nicked from outside the mall. FACK. Not cool, whoever you are! I feel like this is how the bike rental clowns run a racket on innocent tourists because they had provided one shitty lock for all three bikes which quite frankly I could probably have knawed through. A clean cut & we were one bike down & somewhat panic-stricken. There went another £100 which was significantly less than these cowboys tried to squeeze out of us but thanks to our lovely hostel hosts once more coming to our aid managed to whittle it down. However, paying for someone else’s crime truly stings. Plus it was another example of how alienating it can be to not know a language & having to rely on the kindness of hostel people etc to translate everything & help get you out of a jam. 

That said, the rest of today was marvellous. Roxy was tied up with her doctors appointment all day so Hannah & I declared it an ART DAY & visited Boulevard Olympico to look at all the giant murals, painted in the run up to the Rio Olympics in celebration of Brazilian culture. They were incredible. I have never seen such huge paintings; rendered in exquisite detail, portraits in the most vibrant colours with fantastically expressive faces. We also ate our first ever Cuban sandwiches & cinnamon lemonade - get to know - & went to the beach again to cool off in the sea. Cue more churros & coconuts.

I am now beginning to realise some things; Hannah’s arrival proved the catalyst for a pretty extreme late-night breakdown where the presence of the very person to whom I always turn in a crisis prompted an outpouring of emotion that has led in turn to some pretty heavy realisations. It is with renewed vigour that I am beginning to plan my return to the UK, to stability, to the loving arms of my friends & family & potentially to some help that I feel its finally time to admit I need. Having now eliminated the possibility that it was my job and/or London responsible for my sporadic waves of depression, given the fact that I have intermittently experienced the exact same feelings whilst away, I am now one step closer to deciphering what exactly is going on in my brain. Although it is with crushing disappointment that I must admit that travelling did not sure me of this ailment, at least now I can check the possibility of that off the list & try & move forwards. Hannah’s presence is so immensely welcome at this time; she is as always the most incredible, loving & supportive friend. I have been looking at flights home & being a gal that likes to have a plan having an end point in sight is in itself helping me feel more positive. I said all along that I would travel for as long as my money and/or enjoyment lasted & for now at least, it seems 8-9 months is my max on both counts. It’s cool. Only good things will come of this, I am certain.

I can now focus on spending as much quality time as possible with my oldest & dearest friend before she flies home again in 3 weeks. We have lots of fun stuff planned, including going to see some famous mosaic’d steps, visiting Jesus (just in time for his birthday!), going on a tour of a favela, Christmas at the beach, seeing in the New Year with some samba in Sao Paolo & rounding it all off nicely at the world’s biggest waterfalls. Things are looking up.