#is this coherent enough? idk

[lorkai]

Concept I have to post before I feel asleep: NRC hosts a Parents' Day for the students' parents to visit their children and everyone is having a relatively fun day with their siblings, every but you. And so you hid yourself in the only place that nobody has a reason to go; Ramshackle. Thing is there's someone else who also has the same line of thought. Leona Kingscholar.

Leona, who is always second to Farena. Always the second prince, never just Leona. Leona, who efforts doesn't mean anything and nobody really tried to understand him, this Leona, who despite being smug and sarcastic all the time, doesn't want to meet his family.

And you both have an interesting chatting while drinking (whatever you want really but I just got back from my cousin's marriage and wine is a really good choice). By the end of the night you may have found you a new bestie or lovers, or whatever you want y'all to be, he feels seen by you and you have someone you can confide in on your darkest hours. This arrangement couldn't be better for the both of you.

[dreadark]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

[sweetlullabyebye]

Charles' thing is that he wants to feel alive and that's part of the reason why he decided to never move on to the afterlife right? Meanwhile Edwin thinks Charles will move on and that he'll be alone again because 'he isn't good with people'.

But then when the Night Nurse shows up a second time Charles is ready to go wherever -including Hell- as long as Edwin shouldn't have to go back there, meanwhile Edwin refuses that they be split up, and both are okay with being sent together to the Lost and Found Department to be sorted out later as long as they're together-

[venomgender]

aaaa okay. hi. you might know me as 'guy who had to ask for money to pay its bills for like 6 months straight' or "guy who had sepsis 3 months ago and wont shut up about it." or maybe you dont know me at all. but um! shits rough for me rn!

as previously said i had sepsis about 3 1/2 months ago because of a wound that physically could not close for just under a year. and after sepsis that wound finally closed. but its opened again! and worse than before!

before when i would go to clean the wound / check on the severity there would be like a couple of drops of blood at most, or if it was really bad it would be fixed just by cleaning it. but now every time without fail when i go to clean it the amount of blood that comes out is like equivalent to the amount of blood that happens when i get a really bad nose bleed. so i need to go to a doctor for it. but i dont have health insurance

all this is to say that if you have anything to spare to help me not die of sepsis I'd really appreciate it

i know we're all struggling BADLY now but i still have ~$400 in medical debt from previous hospital visits not to mention another 1k in debt to various friends and stuff.. anything helps.

my commissions are also always open, and at this point i will draw basically anything for you if you send me even 1 dollar.

cash/app is $irismews

ven/mo is @ irismews

dm for zelle or paypal

[tangledinink]

one of those "working on an important project for mama" kinda days.

[ gemini au ] [ vote for us! ]

[silvers-starrway]

So the wildest thing happened where @mactheactor decided to dub over (if that's even the correct terminology) the Chaos Sonic animation I made!!!!

I'm still in utter awe about this like, hands down the coolest thing ever I've been thinking about this non-stop. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I do!!

[vaguely-concerned]

...the 'almond room' thing in the unwanted guest IS a reference to/play on words on amygdala, right? (amygdala comes from the greek word for almond!) I didn't read that wrong? it is stupid sexy Ianthe coyly inviting Palamedes into a different chamber of her brain, as it were?

(also the pieces of meat -- the feeding or kissing, it's hard to say which of it all -- being present right from the beginning... ianthe DOES know exactly what has happened to her, doesn't she. palamedes is just cutting his way through her layers of denial and repression all merciless and scalpel-like to get her to admit it. or, she knows subconsciously at least -- each person comes in and feeds her something that she's helpless to stop from becoming a part of her even in her coffin, with bloody kisses. oh baby love is feeding me bad meat and I have no choice but to swallow it down. like yeah I suspect that is how human contact can feel when your sense of self and boundaries developed to be a specific kind of Fucked Up lol. that shit could make a person dream of being a diamond in a glass of wine; perfect, inviolable, untouchable, eternally separate and safe. In the words of Andrea Gibson in Prism:

They say the womb is where we learn love is knowing the cord that feeds you could at any moment wrap around your neck

that is quite literally ianthe's first introduction to love -- her sister, a cord around her neck. Corona is Ianthe's other self, a second soul running around outside of her body, and she seems to consider herself as responsible for (and entitled to) the preservation of Corona's soul as her own. the way this mirrors that growing up, Ianthe had to be two necromancers in one body to let them stay together. (twins and ghosts all the way down I guess.) she's still just trying to do the same thing, I think, she's simply put on some bigger boots about it. the central problem of lyctorhood, self vs. connection/love, rears its head once again -- Ianthe existentially wants total self-contained self-sufficiency, perfect control, sovereign sway and masterdom over her soul... but she wants that at the same time as being in uninterrupted (uninterruptible!), eternal and indelible intimacy with her sister, whose soul also cannot be allowed to change. which, you know. freedom and love don't coexist the way you want them to, Ianthe, no matter how clever you are there won't be a way to get what you want. (especially not with a sister whose idea of what love is seems to go more towards being consumed, made one, by whatever violence necessary -- 'she could have taken me'.) man. Ianthe is a spectacular and ongoing piece of work, but sometimes it's hard to see how she could ever have turned out otherwise considering the conditions she was born and raised under haha.

the two-way street of the horror of digestion, whether you're the devourer or the devouree. part of you in me, part of me in you, whether either of us likes it or not we're both changed by this. bad news: you can't get out of interconnectedness by finding the cleverest loophole around it, ianthe. nice try, though)

[chronicowboy]

god the start of season 4 when agravaine is shamelessly manipulating arthur, trying to craft him into uther so he's more justified in his hatred of him, trying to isolate arthur from the people he cares about because its not proper or a sign of strength, and the fact that it works !! or it should, it almost does, but agravaine didn't account for merlin. merlin who isn't just a manservant, isn't just a kinda-sorta friend, isn't just an informal advisor, but is arthur's main pillar of support and council, merlin who would never let arthur lock himself away all alone, merlin who pushes arthur to the fucking limit and suffers his rages and his insults just so that arthur knows there's someone there. yeah, fuck, its all well and good that merlin's willing to die for him, but idk for me its the smaller acts of unwavering devotion that make merthur so fucking good.

[stormyoceans]

feeling faint every time i look at this moment specifically. it's just so tender so loving so gentle. phum says peem treats him like a kid but there's just something so high romance in this small gesture to me. it's peem saying 'you've been quiet and im not sure how to deal with this side of you im not familiar with but whatever it is im here for you and i will keep you safe' and im honestly insane about it

[the-other-soup]

hhrrrrrrrrrgg lucifer vagina

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

myung jaehyun is absolutely, hands down, the best leader for boynextdoor.

I always stand by the leader of groups being the best leaders for their groups, but it’s definitely a role that they have to grow into and improve constantly on. just like any other position in the group. just like any other thing you do.

that said, until the fanmeeting, I didn’t quite have the words to truly express why I feel so strongly about jaehyun’s role as the boynextdoor leader—especially as I think to a lot of non-onedoor, it can seem a bit confusing or not apparent at first. which mostly comes from jaehyun sitting outside the norm for a leader (particularly in hybe bgs) at least in personality.

jaehyun is loud. that’s like… something well known about him. he’s talkative and playful and despite being shy, he’s definitely the kind of person to enter the room knowing no one and leave with at least 5 new friends. his approach to people is one that feels very open and bright.

for this reason, I do think many people might not first associate him with the leader role. with most groups, the most energetic member is probably not the first considered as “oh yeah that’s the leader”. jaehyun is all the playful and energy-filled that usually comes with the member who the leader needs to keep an eye on the most and eventually has a bunch of youtube compilation videos.

that said, these qualities are exactly why I think he makes such a great leader for boynextdoor. as mentioned in the fanmeeting day 2 ending ments, the members of bonedo are the type of people to put up a straight face and keep their struggles to themselves. as woonhak and they have expressed, an example being woonhak putting on a smile and performing, despite dealing with grief. they’re very much the people to not make their problems someone else’s and to maintain a collected image in front of others.

while I also think jaehyun does this, as most people who are leaders may tend to for the sake of their groups, he’s also very very very unapologetically himself. he feels so much. his tendency to cry being a prime example of that, though not the only. the point is that jaehyun is expressive and open and in this, jaehyun contrasts with his members.

as woonhak has stated before, jaehyun has expressed that it’s okay for him to cry, to need to take a break, to sit this one out. jaehyun in general approaches his members with a lot of care. but overall, the stand out is that I believe jaehyun navigates along the lines of… feelings are meant to be felt. he has no qualms with any emotion being felt the way it occurs to us. yes there are ways to handle them, but ultimately, the feeling—whatever it may be—is there to be felt and expressed.

this is also seen in how he interacts with his members. in his very tactile approach to express the love and care he has for the rest of bonedo. the pride he feels for them. whatever words I’m not able to formulate to describe the whole yeppi exchange between him and sungho in the 3rd comeback show special.

it’s also in his loudness and energy. it’s all about expression. he’s so much, but it only feels that way, in my opinion, because he’s overwhelmingly unafraid and unapologetic of being himself, in a way that the industry might otherwise discourage. he’s not against expressing how he feels and while it likely won’t be the most apparent until later in their careers, I do think he’s the type to speak his mind.

all that said, the point is that these qualities do exist in contrast to his members and thus… encourage them to do the same. maybe not to be speeding around all over the place, but rather to allow themselves the space and time to feel as they do. that they don’t have to keep it all inside to avoid making it other peoples problems. they’re a team, if nothing else. and it’s in jaehyun being so so so much himself, being exactly the person he is, not something specially crafted to fit a particular image, he encourages the other members to be the same.

jaehyun helps to curate a safe space within their group by exhibiting that there’s nothing wrong with being the person they are. to feel whatever they feel. to express when things are going good or bad or somewhere in between. to approach things as they come and take them in stride, even if it’s without prior planning. that if a leader is meant to push a group forward and help them grow, then jaehyun steps up to the plate in that art cannot be made without emotion and so to become better artists, to continue being artists, it’s so important to find the safe spaces of being able to express and feel everything as they should be felt.

this is why I think jaehyun has some of the strongest lyricism currently in the group. it’s why I think he was a powerful force coming into KOZ and bonedo, and sort of the missing piece. he feels so much and he allows himself to feel all of it. in turn, as the leader, it’s something he encourages in the members. it’s leading by example. jaehyun builds a safe space for them to express, by being open himself.

but beyond that, jaehyun being unapologetically himself becomes an unstoppable sort of barrier between the group and outside the group. while not as apparent now, I do think it’ll grow into him being a strong adovcate for each of the members and the group as a whole. the group matters to him. his members matter to him. jaehyun’s never going to act as if they don’t, so long as they do. as such, he’ll put them first. he’ll encourage them and their best interest. he provides space and works to create and maintain that space for them to express themselves and be themselves. it’s what makes jaehyun the best leader for bonedo now, and it’s what will allow him to continue to do so.

[ash-and-starlight]

.

[muchmossymess]

Like they just did that and moved on

[cubedmango]

one difference between the original and cover for my clematis that rlly caught my attention earlier was which chara sang the very last lyrics—mizi (the one who survives) in the original and ivan (the one who dies) in the cover. ever since i noticed that i've been trying to make sense of why they did that. in the context of the song it makes more sense for the survivor (till) to sing those lines since they're at the very end, after the other contestant has been killed, but with the meaning of the lyrics ("please, stay by my side") it makes sense for ivan to be singing them, since he's the one with the one-sided love. it felt to me like ivan asking till to keep the memory of him alive and with him even after ivan died

when the cover for cure dropped imagine my surprise when i saw that they did the exact same thing again!! they gave the very last line sung by ivan (the one who dies) in the original to mizi (the one who survives) in the cover, and again i'm trying to understand why this exact swap happened a second time. for this one the context is more of those being the very last words ivan says to till (tho that segment isn't actually in the music video version), with the lyrics ("consume me / yes, me") reflecting that final desperation for till to notice him, but from mizi's perspective it takes on such a different meaning.. is it mizi trying to plead with sua to wake up? to look at her again? to still be the one person who knows and understands her? fascinating stuff. i'm unwell

[phoenixcatch7]

Story idea where sqh (or at least airplane?) is actually the first heavenly demon(/fallen angel diety official) so he can finally shut up about being lbhs dad lmao. In trying to get back he, in a shocking twist of fate, tries to hack the system and loses, getting tossed out of his own world and landing in some infants body in the modern world.

To balance it out Sqq is some eldritch monster who created xinmo and accidentally messed up so bad on a later project (the mobei clan and their teleportation powers) he got booted from the universe by an angry system and reincarnated.

And then the system comes back upon their deaths because it's own machinations utterly failed to change the fate of pidw and it's come for the only wild cards the universe has.

[maxthesillyy]

thinking about. i dont know how to phrase this really but. chloe and frank.

like. when Chloe killed Frank i (, personally,) feel like her guilt from it was less because she killed Frank, and More because she Killed Someone (and their dog).

but!!! thats not to say she didnt feel guilty for killing Frank. because she definitely did. because on some level. despite everything. despite all of his shitty behavior. a part of her still cared for him. that tiny 15-17ish year old part in her still cared for him.

because that 15-17ish year old with intense abandonment issues in her only had. a small handful of people in her life that actually cared for her, and when THOSE few people aren’t even doing the best job at it— it’s no shit that Chloe’s standards for Good Friends are going to be Immensely dropped.

and so. it’s kind of like what happened with Rachel, but WAY less intense. when she found someone who didn’t hate her, and was willing to hang around her—after so so long of people hating her and not wanting to be around her— it makes sense that part of her would kinda latch onto them a little bit.

and so, even after all of the shit she’s learned he did— even when Frank starts to hate her— even when he threatens Max and her’s lives— part of her keeps remembering him as one of the few guys who stuck around when no one else did.

it’s just that. no matter how bad the person— if you’ve known someone for years, and they were one of the only nice people to you in a town where theres like. four people that are nice to you— it’s gonna hurt if you kill them. even if it was self defense. even if it was entirely their own fault— even if you two aren’t on even remotely good terms anymore.

ESPECIALLY for such a sentimental person like Chloe. taking that in consideration it makes me wonder. maybe she didn’t feel bad for killing Frank. maybe she felt bad for killing the person Frank used to be to her. but maybe she realized that That Frank already died long ago.

but yeah. im mentally ill. take everything i said with a grain of salt considering it is 12:07 AM.