#is that as a person whos aro and ace i don't know where tf i stand

[strawberryradiodemon]

Even if you do add asexual, ace or aromantic to the search there's gonna be those "no fictional thing should ever have to present anything accurately or respectfully ever" people like "as an asexual you have my permission to do whatever you want with alastor's asexuality!" like... who tf asked them? they have an agenda they're trying to push, they do not speak for the ace community as a whole 🙄

Yeahh, even with the aro and / or ace tags we're not entirely safe unfortunately.

Such things do annoy me, I'm not gonna lie. I can understand that romance positive aros, sex positive aces or those who still have sex / are in relationships/ etc use the "aro/ace people can still date / have sex" or remind people that it's a spectrum and some still feel these type of attraction because yes, that's true.

But what annoys me is that saying that to people annoyed about the constant sexualisation/ shipping of Alastor is basically siding with the non aroace spectrum people using that "aroace people can still feel that/ do these things!" who saw that and ran with it purely to be able to continue with what they want to do.

Yes, asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums. Yes, some feel the attraction. Yes, some don't but still engage in these activities. And if you're on the aroace spectrum and it's your case obviously I'm not going to shame you for putting alastor in such scenarii because you're using a character like you to relate, and still acknowledging his aroace identity. The problem is that most people putting him in these situations totally disregard his aroaceness. And when as an aroace (spectrum) person, you say "people can still ship him, I do! Aroace people can feel these things or do them!"... You're basically enabling their erasure of his identity. Deep down you're right, but non aroace people don't care about that, and don't do these things the same way you do.

That's why, to non aroace people shipping alastor, I will remind them that he's aroace. And clearly not on the part of the spectrum where he still feels those things, nor is he interested in pursuing them.

And to the people on the aroace spectrum, I will just say, please, don't mistaken their words for a reel need to showcase the variety of our identity, because most of the time that's not what they want. You don't forget his aroaceness in the way your ship him, they do. Ship him all you want, because I know your heart is in the right place. But please don't defend the others.

As a loveless aroace, it pains me to see him constantly shipped and sexualised by everyone (even though that's clearly not what he'd want), and these things being defended.

I thought I had found a character I could relate to, that I could search stuff about him peacefully without seeing all kind of romantic and sexual stuff. I've been proven wrong, and it hurts. And the excuse they use hurt even more, because it feels like we're only palatable or interesting if we can still feel these attractions sometimes or engage in those things. As if alastor being a loveless aroace is a disappointment, that they *need* to ship him to be satisfied, for him to be enough.

Sorry for the rant, I definitely repeated myself, but I wanted to take the opportunity this ask gave me to give a bit of my opinion on this.

Tldr: I have no problem with aroace spectrum shipping him because I know they keep his aroaceness in mind. I have, however, a problem with non aroace spectrum people doing that because they erase his aroace identity completely AND use the diversity of it as an excuse to continue doing so. And it pains me to see fellow aroace people defending that, because I feel like they don't realise how those people ship him.

[berrycake99]

On Alastor's sexuality:

Ok so a thread I NEVER thought I'd have to make, but shit's getting out of hand and I am a little bit annoyed now.

For the longest time, I've defended Alastor ships because I really don't have a problem with random fanart/fics, regular fandom stuff...

But it's getting ridiculous, the latest post I've seen is headcanoning Alastor to be "bi-romantic", ofc getting rly defenssive if someone just says ANYTHING else.

The 'hypersexualization' of his character doesn't lay in him being portrayed in very sexy fanart or fics. It's the fact everyone's using Alastor for claiming their sexuality to be more valid, straight up jumping over his entire character. He is a beautifully written complex morally gray character and ppl only seek to see "wELL wHaT hIS seXuAL pREfErEncE iS", is it really that important???

Even if he's not confirmed aro, he is still asexual and just slamming any other title before ace to make him into your sexuality and then gripping onto it so effin hard is childish.

And you can't even make the argument of his sexuality actually being somewhat important to his character (like how for exemple, Vox being bisexual and having internilized homophobia is important to his actions and relations to others in the show, or how Angel being hypersexual is important part of his story with sex-work industry - I know hypersexuality is not a sexuality, but here too the "sexual" identity/part of a character is valid to include in understanding their psychology, do you see where I'm going?)

In regards to Alastor, nothing of sexual nature is really important to his role in the story. I don't mind anyone having fun and making any type of story they like, I do not think that is 'erasing the rep' because the ace-spectrum in itself is a spectrum and is very different for anyone, and everyone is valid.

What is erasing the rep is just making "headcanons" of his sexuality based on your own to make you feel better that you portray as factual. The reason I always say I don't mind is bcs I say the 'fun' doesn't change the show's flow. But some ppl actually do want that to happen, which is not okay.

You can't make an artist change their oc to fit your own standards. At that point, you're self-inserting.

Ppl are being as disrespectful to even harrass the VA into making a statement to explain to y'all that it ain't happening nothing will be canon and chill tf out. And then they still make the "ok no sex scene but there will be romance we have 2 more seasons to go!"

Did everyone forget Vivzie confirming Alastor will be single throughout the series after pilot or???

Not everything needs to have romance and sex in it..I understand these are important factors for ppl in general which is why I encourage everyone to make their own story, that way you have full freedom of expression to say it the way you want it to be. But expecting the show itself to change into your secific place on the ace-spectrum is just very distastefull.

Not to mention this is done only for the characters with no precisely defined sexualities, but mostly Alastor. Imagine someone going "you can't tell me Angel isn't bisexual. Look at the way he looks at Vaggie in this screenshot!" everyone would loose their shit. But for Lucifer, who is still unclearly straight/pan/bi or Alastor who is ace, ppl go "OMG AN EMPTY SPACE! OPPORTUNITY TO SELF-INSERT!" Stop. Again, how is this important to the story..

No shade to any RadioApple, RadioDust, StaticRadio, whateverRadio shippers. I myself find some of the fanart cute and I understand. But please don't try to force the idea of a non-canon dynamic you like onto every ace person irl and the show itself. That is very stupid. Make a fanfic, enjoy the show. Alastor will probably have an amazing lore in the future. He is more than his sexuality.

[selkies-world]

OK I've been debating whether or not to add this experience onto here, but decided it's a pretty important one to mention.

I'm aro, and I'm getting better at being open with that now - but back at the time of all this discourse, that was not a fucking option. I hated being aro, and thought it meant I was too broken or too traumatised etc etc. Yes, I blamed my trauma. Yes, I blamed my Aspergers. Yes, I blamed my dysphoria. I was so not OK with being aro, but I still wanted to explore it, which was really confusing to me. I remember just crying some nights because if I couldn't fall in love then what's the point of being alive, because aren't we all meant to fall in love to be able to have a life worth living? Isn't it love and romance, or a hermit life with 16 cats, since love is the only emotion that matters??? I was terrified of being aro, I was terrified of being trans, I was terrified of people finding out I had Aspergers, I was terrified of being everything I was. So I redressed it all - I said I was waiting for marriage, I said I thought modern society treated "love" as being too common, that we had cheapened the notion of it by overusing the word, I said so much fucking shit to try and convince myself I wasn't aro or broken, I was just someone with old-fashioned standards.

But the pivotal moment when I deleted those posts, and shut the fuck up about aro feels & backed tf away from ace & aro communities??? The moment I left it all for dead & swore to never go back?

I followed an ace positivity / awareness blog run by someone with a YouTube channel, where they were open about being ace & stated they wanted to make the community a safe place, to raise awareness of ace identities and were there to help anyone with any questions they had about asexuality. (This was around the same time everyone loved Sanders because he was "the only YouTuber who made child-friendly LGBT content that wasn't sexual." It was also around the same time that having the balls to state "LGBTQIA+" instead of "LGBT+ / LGBTQ" got you death threats & suicide bait & rape threats - not just on here but on every social media platform. YouTubers with 100k+ followers deleted their accounts after the amount of harrassment & threats they got for showing support for the ace community. So this YouTuber making ace content??? It was really, really brave & a lot of us admired them for it because we were Not That Brave. They were a really big deal.)

One day, I saw they had answered an ask. I don't remember if it was a comment on their videos that they had screenshotted & then addressed here, or if it was an ask they received here. But the question was from an 11 year old girl, saying she thought she was ace because all her friends had crushes & wanted boyfriends & wanted kissed etc (I'm not saying the exact thing she said because I know exactly what threats & comments I'll get), and she didn't want to experience any of those things, so thought she was broken, but then she'd found this person's resources & felt like she finally had a name for how she felt, and a community to belong to. Today, there's nothing wrong with this & it's heartwarming to know kids have access to language to identify themselves & explain how they feel. But at the time? She had made a massive mistake when she stated she was 11.

The YouTuber replied with a freaking essay-length piece. I won't try to remember most of it, because it was disgusting, but all of it was phrased in a toxic-positivity tone. The summary of it was: the YouTuber was uncomfortable with this 11 y/o girl - who they didn't know - identifying herself as ace, because in doing so she was saying that other 11 y/o's were sexual beings, with sexual desires and sexual intentions. In identifying as ace, she was saying other 11 y/o children were sexual predators woth sinful, corrupt desires. In identifying as ace, she was saying other 11 y/o children were able to fully consent to adult interactions of a sexual nature with fully grown & mature adults. In identifying as ace, she was saying other 11 y/o children were seeking out and desiring sexual relationships, either with adults, older children / teens, other 11 y/o's, or children younger than themselves. And that was really not OK, and did the 11 year old girl know how much harm she was causing, how dangerous it was for her to identify as ace? Did she understand what it meant for other people? Did she understand how unnatural it was for an 11 year old to differentiate between "sexual" and "non sexual" desires? Did she understand that no 11 year old should have any sexual desires, thoughts, or awareness? No, she probably didn't, because she was broken and evil and a predator, because those were the only reasons she could have for saying these horrible, cruel things about every other 11 year old to ever exist. The essay was finished off with a statement that could be interpreted as "I hope you kys".

I was horrified. This person, who an entire community looked up to, had just told a child she was a predator for identifying as ace. This person, who was an authority and idol within the ace community, had just told a child she was a danger to her friends because she had sexualised them in the process of self-identifying as ace. This person, who had branded themselves as a source of trust and understanding, had just told a child she was evil, broken and tarnished, and it was her own fault, and she deserved to die because she was a predator, and should take herself out of everyone else's lives if she had any decency.

And there were notes. Oh man, there were a lot of notes on this post. Almost every single person in the comments agreed with this person. They all echoed how uncomfortable they were when children tried to join the ace community because it meant the child obviously saw other children as sexual creatures, and how weird is that??? They had never been so impure. They had never been so corrupt. They had never been so broken. They all echoed that the child was a danger to her friends. They all echoed that she shouldn't feel the way she felt because none of them thought 11 was old enough to know anything about sexuality or orientation. They all echoed that she should commit suicide because she didn't get crushes on people, didn't want a boyfriend, and didn't want kissed, etc, and saying her friends wanting these things made them all sexual creatures was evil & a sign she was a monster, so the kind thing to do would be for her to kill herself before she could abuse anybody.

I was disgusted. I was panicking. That was when I left the ace community for dead and walked the plank to get away from the aro community by extension. Because if that was what those communities were like, I didn't want anything to do with them. If that was how they viewed children who asked for help, I didn't want to touch them with a 10-foot pole. Because if that if how people behaved on an ace positivity blog, how do they behave in ace discourse circles???

It took years for me to be OK with the aroace community again. I still have trouble fully identifying myself as part of the community, tbh. I like dancing around the outskirts because it feels safer, but Im working on it. I'm aromantic, and I'm allosexual, and I'm queer, and I'm gay, and I'm trans. And that's all OK.

Sometimes, I still wonder what happened to that kid - what happened to all the kids who were seeking answers at that time. I wonder how many of them are still alive after being told by their own community to kill themselves.

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

[viva-la-vie-bohemily]

:(

[hibiscus-tea-party]

THANK YOU FOR CALLING THIS DUMB BITCH OUT. IF YOU REALIZED THE ABSOLUTE DESTRUCTION THEY DID TO ME MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY IN LATE 2023 EARLY 2024 YOU'D VOMIT

(Note: I don't have specific screen shots bc my phone storage flubbed in March and deleted all my folders ;; but if you ask to see something anyone said, I'll see if I can retrieve proof for ya!)

((Important note: I have a bad case of potty mouth, but I'll still try to tone it down from everyone's sake. Still, proceed with caution. Also in 2023 I was still pretty immature, though it never warranted the emotional and mental abuse I endured))

For those who don't recognize me, my name used to be Ace, but it's now Cole or Piper, whichever you like (I used to run an account here called Ace-my-boy, more on that later). I'm 20 and actually used to be great friends with/date Nico! (Blame them for the date part I didn't ask for that shit) So I've known them about a year before the incident.

Now, for what they did.

I really don't feel like explaining it all again because I've had to so many times, so I'll just boil it down to a brief list:

-Lovebombing. So much of it.

-Manipulation of the mind (and heart)

-Threatening to off themselves, constantly

-Talked about their "Shitty" ex as soon as we started dating (the ex didn't even do anything wrong, they just broke up after discovering that they were aro, which Nico accused them behind their backs of it being a lie just to excuse breaking up with them), and even before that, they would always lament to me about their breakup and insist it was my responsibility to listen

-Lied to me, and about me, a lot, about the most mundane

-Talked shit about the "friends" they tried to turn against me (again, more on that later)

-SENT ME "KYS" ASKS ON BOTH MY OLD ACCOUNT (ace-my-boy) AND THIS ONE. I had to delete ace-my-boy because as they turned people against me, that was the blog they flocked to just to tell me they hate me. Lol.

-[TW:CSA!!!] Sent me anon asks telling me, an actual victim of child rape, that I deserved it. FYI, that event started when I was 10 and didn't even end there, so...happy with yourself, Nico?

-Sent me asks harassing me and apparently claiming I wanted them back? Which isn't true, considering they...

-BEFRIENDED A KNOWN PEDOPHILE (among our former friend group, before the revelation of what she was of course), WHO HAS BEEN KNOWN TO INTENTIONALLY SEND NSFW PICS TO HEAVILY MINOR POPULATED SERVERS!!!! Her name is Mage btw idc abt her privacy 💀 (she's another can of worms)

-Literallu got Mage to harass me AND MY FRIENDS FOR SUPPORTING ME???

-Started accusing me and a good friend (I'll call her Newt, for her safety) of being proshippers/groomers after a third, neutral friend brought up those accusations to Mage personally, even though they know that me and Newt are survivors of that type of shit, so why tf would we do it????

-Tried to tell everybody that I doxxed them and threatened to kill them (I...don't even know where they live...and I can't even do basic code no less dox someone. How do you even do that????)

-Had worked with Mage to turn most of my friends against me (I got some of them back recently which is honestly a win, but still)

-Would demand my time late at night to complain to me, even though I told them multiple times that staying up late and losing sleep causes me to have HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE SEIZURES. They didn't even want advice, they kept me up just to bitch to me about other people.

-Manipulated multiple minors into being their personal comfort assistants, and one minor EVEN KNEW THEY WE'RE BEING MANIPULATED AND STILL DEFENDED THEM?

-Would deny any advice I tried to give them, despite always asking for it?

There's so much more. So so much more. I don't even remember every single thing because But instead, let's go into how it affected me overall.

-My depression increased drastically, of course

-My temper increased drastically (Bipolar Disorder, folks!)

-[TW:ED AND VOMITING] I went back to my bulimic tendencies, that I had kicked for 5 years

-I was convinced nobody wanted me alive (and yes, Nico is to blame for that too), thus plunging me into sh tendencies

-Even before the bulimia relapse, I was throwing up just thinking about what they said to and about me JUST FOR WANTING AN APOLOGY.

-I literally could not have fun or get anything done. Ever since that shit hit the fan, I would not be able to do anything without moping.

-I consider myself a strongwilled person irl, but when I tell you I cried everyday bc of their bullshit (I actually like, fr loved Nico before and even briefly after the fiasco started, so think about that please)

There's more, but they're issues I'm not sure if Nico/Mage directly caused, so I won't lay it on their doorstep.

Oh, but here's the best part. You wanna know what caused this altercation?

...I expressed boundaries to Nico that they kept breaking, and I told them it was making me angry

So when I want an apology from Nico for responding passive aggressively, I'm instead met with Nico not once, but twice harassing me and soft blocking me on ace-my-boy, insisting I don't deserve a apology and that itwas why people don't like me...like literally what in the elementary school type drama is that shit wtf (esp since their

Man there is so much more. I could write and publish a fucking novel on this situation alone, no less what they've done to others. But I think enough is said to get a glimpse of how reprehensible a person Nico is. I would suggest everyone not interact with them at all, no matter how sorry everyone feels for them, for everyone's safety! Nico does not want help. They will not accept help. They want comfort through making everyone feel worse than they do. And for a so-called friend? Not worth it.

Again, I'll admit I'm exponentially more mature then I was then, but it doesn't take a genius to know that you dont try to make someone as mentally unwell as they made me just because someone "sounds too mean" when they tell you that you did something wrong.

I'd love to say more, but I could write a novel on what I have on Nico. But the point of this post is to inform and warn, not to vent. Please ask me questions if you have any and sorry for my unhinged nature throughout this post. Thank you!!!

(DO NOT HARRAS THIS PERSON, JUST IGNORE THEM. ALSO GARTIC PHONE THING WASN'T THEM)

Piacere, space, whatever you go by, you said you wouldn't mention anyone from this, or at least that was what the deal was, I hope you were told about it. We'd not mention you, as long as you wouldn't mention us. But you did, so a new callout post with new points, people defending you don't really do a good job. TLDR: they blame everything on mental health, takes little fault for hurting people because of said mental issues, vents to people decently younger than them constantly, and they demand boundaries, but get extremely upset when anyone asks for them to do so for them.

NOTE I didn't directly see any of this, I'm doing this to defend my friends because, no offense, they are kinda letting themselves get walked all over. If anything is wrong please tell me. Do not harass anyone in this situation, no one deserves it.

First up a recap on the first situation with a new moral because talking to your friend made it more obvious what the issue was, you blaming mental health. My friends silver and JJ banned someone from wheezle's easel for in their mind being toxic, the other mods including piacere and their friends didn't feel the person was that bad, but instead of voicing that they went on a rant at how they were never listened to. Even when given an opportunity to unban the person piacere went on about not being listened to while actively ignoring their attempts at giving them an input. They caused my friends to have anxiety attacks and cry, yes they apologized, but only after saying my friends were horrible people. I don't know how you go from that to sorry in a few days and mean that apology. Proof under this, and another situation and perspectives of other people on them.

Now for the new situation i heard of, they were in my friend's server, velon's, and they'd do their constant venting. They were asked to not mention suicide so often and got really upset. More stuff must have happened because like, everyone there says how they would make them super stressed out with how often they'd beg for attention and do things like make sex jokes with people who were uncomfortable with it. Here's people's opinions on it and also i'd check out Typhoonclade's post on them here for more opinions.

Generally they'd vent everywhere around like 16-18 year olds as an almost 20 year old. they'd constantly cry about not getting attention while they got a lot of attention from at least half the active members in our server. And also a lot of weird sexual stuff that granted is hearsay to me but tbhI don't care anymore, there's no way two unrelated people have similar stories. Here's some other stuff of them being mean about people and attention seek-y I have.

Piacere, you won't read this tbh, but just get off the internet, its clear you can't handle it, and you hurt people, for everyone's good, please just get offline. I know real life sucks for you, you'd say it a lot man, but its not an excuse to hurt people who aren't doing anything to you. Just, idk what you should do, other than leave the wider internet.

[garetthawke]

i know it's hard to find rep, but i am sick to DEATH of the only characters getting ace headcanons being characters you can't sexualize (e.g. often fat characters,) or non-humans (like robots, many of whom who can't even have sex, much less have sexual attraction.) I'm sick of the characters you label as aro being neurodivergent (where you do it because you think they don't have the mental capability to understand romance or have those feelings, infantilizing them in your descriptions) or characters who are forced to be lonely and/or isolated (acting like aromanticism is due to lack of a choice, a curcumstantial restriction.) it's HARD to find good rep, but it's worth it to do rather than claiming a lot of very bad bad rep.

one character that i wholly think represented being aro/ace really well is merida. she's not the first disney character to have her story not surround romance, but she's the first i can call to mind that actively opposed it throughout. that is highly relateable and reps us well.

but when frozen came out, it's like everyone collectively forgot all older disney movies (including brave) that did the same, and claimed elsa as the "first" character not to have her story revolve around romance with a man.

lesbians claimed her off the bat bc of this lack of pairing her off with a man, with excitement over the possibility of a lesbian princess, which was considered being included in the canon by the second movie.

she also was claimed as aro/ace rep. that upset me. the reasoning was often cited as her being the "first" character to not have a story revolve around romance, but that put me tf off because elsa didn't have a choice. she was isolated due to fear and safety and clearly felt trapped, and forced isolation is one of the reasons people make ace/aro hcs that are damaging i think. she didn't naturally reject relationships, and the additional association of literal coldness/frigidness does not make for something that felt like good rep.

lack of a romantic storyline or relationship is not a compelling reason to claim a character as aro/ace to me - not that it's invalid, but there are a ton of stories you could choose from in that case for rep, so it's not its own inherent reason, especially because characters can be aro/ace IN relationships. the fact that this happened with the first character there was a buzz about within the gay community about possibly being gay, combined with the ways she felt like bad rep already, made me feel incredibly insulted. and then to justify it, people wrote off past characters like merida to have "claim" to elsa, like there was some shortage of characters that could possibly make for aro/ace rep and elsa was the only one.

it almost felt like it only happened as a response to lesbians identifying with her. that doesn't make for good rep to me. there was a clear lack of respect to the lesbian community in the claiming of her, and then a clear inconsideration to aro/ace people who didn't see her as good rep.

there needs to be consideration for the REASONS you hc ace/aro characters. you need to sit and examine your internal biases, and the reasons certain traits or narratives connect in your head with being ace/aro. what makes you claim that character? examine how the ways you personally relate to the character may hurt the community if you project that onto all of us. which doesn't mean you can't embrace personal headcanons - just that calling them rep to the rest of us is not something you should do.

I'm aro/ace and i love aro/ace headcanons but y'all HAVE to fucking realize that there are certain characters that are straight up offensive to hc as aro/ace and are BAD rep

[itscoldinwonderland]

I hate this formate and I don't like the order that this is all in, so...

So anyway, I am a psych major who is mentally ill and wants to work with people who have these types of deviant tendencies or who are prone to such behaviors... Which is besides the point just like you saying "I'm a psych student" is besides the point. Because the point was you said pedophilia and psychopathy aren't mental illnesses, which is not wholey honest. Like I said, people who fit the criteria for psychopathy all have aspd, and aspd is a mental illness. Pedophilic disorder is a real disorder that is categorized by pedophillic attraction and distress or offense. To claim that one can get rid of their attraction is not backed by anything. To say that people with this attraction should die is horrible and ableist. The reason it's "funny" that you brought up psychopathy is that it is deeply stigmatized and people constantly try and say that aspd shouldn't be considered a mental illness, just like pedophilia. And the irony is that this type of talk about wanting these people dead and the constant stigmatization of these disorders is in correlation with offense. I'm not saying that you or anyone is specifically to blame for some pedpophilie going and molesting a child, what I am saying is that you're contributing towards people being afraid to get help, and this inreasing their chance to offend. Things have cause and effect, and ableism contributes to people not getting help and people acting out. Nobody who is sane fucking says that pedophiles should be excused when they harm a child, when people say "hey you shouldn't tell people to die or kill themselves" they're not excusing anything. No where in this thread did I ever excuse molestation, you brought that up your self.

What I'm saying about demisexuality, is that most people get crushes on, wanna bone and are attracted to people they've just met, barely know. Which is totally fine and how attraction works for a lot of people! What I'm saying is most people feel attraction before a deep emotional bond. I'm agreeing with you that they're not LGBT+. And frankly I do think a lot of straight people with Demi attraction try and use it to insert themselves into the LGBT+ community when there is no necessary reason for them to be here. And as someone who is aro I don't think the a-spectrum makes any sense and demis aren't ace/aro.

Lg people still abuse, discriminate, hate, ostracize, and harm transgender people, bi people and ace/aro people. The word "cisgender" exist and it lumps straight people with gay people and yet you seem to have no problem with that? There is a reason the words allosexual and monosexual exist, and frankly it does not matter one bit how offensive it is to you how uncomfortable it makes you or how much you don't like it. Be offended at the fact that lg people still harm other people in the community. People who hate these terms (monosexual/allosexual) sound EXCATLY like the people offended by the word "cisgender" and you guys use the same excat argument:

"lg people are oppresed and therefore don't opressed bi/ace people like the straights do"

"women are opressed and therefore don't opressed trans people like the men do"

Who TF even cares if you wanna label it opression because I DON'T. Y'all still erase our identities, try to "fix" us, abuse us, discriminate against us, try to tell us how to label ourselves, and try to exclude us.

Bi people or otherwise mga are allowed to use the split model and you, a lesbian woman, a monosexual person, have zero, zip, absolutely no say in it. And you can take you biphobia and keep it to yourself. Monosexuals have been trying to tell bi people how to identify forever, but you have no right trying to police our identities. And the fact that you find someone "not seeing you as a viable romantic partner" says more about you than them. And honestly, you need to figure out, like really, really, deeply think about why you feel a bisexual being heteromantic is problematic, because it just sounds like selfishness and biphobia to me! No, no, wait, really, stop for a minute and realize that people don't conciously decide who they find romantically attractive, and then come back with an actual reason you find issue with someone not feeling a certain type of attraction towards a specific gender.

As someone who is very sexual, who is pretty much hypersexual, I can't really relate to the whole ”i only fuck people I'm attracted to", I've had sex with people I'm not sexually attracted to, and I've even loved some of it. But just because I can't relate I'm not gonna say that it's not possible because I can understand that my expiernce is not universal. You should try to understand that sex ≠ attraction, that there are many reasons to have sex that go beyond just sexual attraction. And I'm sure there are a lot of reasons you'd have sex with someone that an ace person could relate to. That's the thing, there isn't a difference between you wanting to have sex with you're partner because you want to be more emotional intimate, and an ace person doing the same thing. My question is why do you think there is a difference, why do you think you need to feel attraction to have sex? Asexuality, in it's true definition, is not about "not liking sex" or "not feeling sexual arosal", I mean as a psych student you should know that not feeling arousal is a disorder either mentally or physically. Asexual doesn't refer to those things, even if there are few people with those issues who may id as ace, asexual means "doesn't feel sexual attraction". Although, personally, I never try and give orientations a rigid definition because people use terms differently because identity is personal. There are people who base their orientations off of action, or attraction, some people don't use the split model, ect, it's all good tbh.

When it comes to aromanticism on the other hand, be aware of the fact that relationships, even intimated ones, do not have to be based on romance. Personally, I feel the fact that I wanted to be married has a lot to do with social conditioning but I digress, I want children and I feel that I should be married when I have them. Who even said you had to marry someone you find romantically attractive? You can marry whoever you want! I don't excpect people to understand that, you don't have to, but you can still respect my identity.

Love goes deep beyond attraction and asexuals and aromantics can definitely expiernce it. For some people, probably many if not most, romantic and sexual attraction goes hand and hand with those things, for others it doesn't. There are people who fall in love with others of the gender they don't find attractive, there are people who like to have sex with people they don't find attractive in everyway. There is no wrong way to expiernce these things.

Ace and aro people belong in this community, because they are targets of abuse and discrimination, because they still get raped and abused as means of "fixing" them, because they still get abandoned, because they still get sent to conversion therapy, because they can expiernce indirect homophobia, because they expiernce discrimination for their (lack of) attraction. This community was not built on being sga and not being cis, this community was built on expiernceing love, sex and gender in ways that are not typical. There is an issue with trying to so rigidly define the community, because you end up excluding people who have been here forever. The uncomfortable truth is not everyone who aligns themselves as bi or gay expiernces sga, because love and sex and how people identity can sometimes go beyond attraction, and I'm sorry if that's offensive to you. People such as cross dressers and drag queens/kings and even nonbinary people who may not id as trans have all been strong people in our community. Intersex people are recognized to be apart of our community, by several countries by major LGBT+ organizations. And all of this can be said and used to argue why aces and aros belong too. Because they've been here too, because they need to be, because they've had to be.

No part of your identity negates your ability to be hateful or discriminatory. Being part of an opressed or minority group doesn't mean you can't be terrible to others. You can be bisexual and biphobic, black and anti-black, or mentally ill and ableist.

You're being ableist by telling people to die because of qualites that make them mentally unhealthy, by actually lying about disorders (the idea that you can be cured, the idea that pedophila is controllable, the weird comparison between pyschopathy and pedophila).

You're being biphobic by trying to police bi people's identites and by claiming expiernceing mga in certain ways (i.e heteromantic and bisexual) is problematic.

Hot Takes™

Cis aro/aces, cis aro heterosexuals, and cis ace heteroromantics are all cishets and therefore not LGBT.

The “Ace Spectrum” is a concept that makes no sense.

Demisexual = Normal, Societally-Approved Person.

Q is a slur.  It is okay to use it to describe your own identity, though you should examine why you want to do that.  I used to use Q to describe myself but now know better.  I am still trying to unlearn years of conditioning to refer to the LGBT community as the Q community, and still slip up from time to time.

TERFS can rot in hell, as can transmeds/truscum.

MAPS/NOMAPS/pedophiles and their supporters should all die horribly in a fire.

MOGAI is terrible and toxic.

The split-attraction model is useless and frankly unhealthy to LGBT people, with the sole exception of LGBT aro/ace people, who may find it useful.

“Allosexual” is not a real term, and is rooted in homophobia/lesbophobia.

“Monosexual” is not a real term, and is also rooted in homophobia/lesbophobia.  Biphobia is an intracommunity issue, but “monosexual” implies an axis of oppression that doesn’t exist, and bi people are just as capable of being homo/lesbophobic as lesbians and gay men are of being biphobic.

Encouraging minors to identify as asexual is dangerous and, to be honest, super creepy coming from adults.

Applying the term “REG” to exclusionists is gross and deeply transphobic to the (many) trans people on the exclusionist side.  Comparing “aphobia” with transmisogyny and transphobia is ridiculous and you should be embarrassed.