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icipersona5-pricefamily · 4 years ago

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Who are your Top 5 fave Phantom Thieves of Hearts?

It could be just one or two, but sometimes you can't help it, but to love all of them. But there's always a fave or two and sadly a dislike. But let's focus on the top faves. Honestly for me... it's hard to chose. I mean I have my two faves, but do I have my top 5 faves? 🤔 Hmm... well, most do share the same spots... And please don't be mad at choices! 🙏 We all can't like the same the thing or person after all. Anyway! I will expose my top 5 and be warn, there are spoilers, so I advise you not to look at the list until you played the games or seen the walk through. If you like to spoil yourself, go ahead....

5. Sophia/Sophie. Why her? Well, she's adorable and an AI who has a Persona. She's not the first technology thing to have one, of course. But I like her plot and how she's trying to learn what a heart is. She has YoYo as her weapon which is cool and despite many let downs, she had learn from her teammates and understand what it means to be a Phantom Thief of Hearts. As the story goes, she was slowly losing her robot like voice and to find out how she was created! I like it! I'm gonna miss her...

4. Futaba Sakura/Oracle (Navi in Japan). Why? I just like her personalities and how she's a great hacker while trying to be outgoing. (You can do it, Futaba!). She's funny and I love her siblings relationship with Ren/MC and Yusuke. Her past was so sad and I just wanna hug her. I am glad she has an adopted dad like Sojiro and how she was willing to change her heart to save him. I'm really glad in Royal she has her victory pose after the all out attack. I just wish she'd had one in Strikers when things are looking bad, she actives her showtime to fully heal the HP and SP. PS, I love her UFO like Persona!!

3. Yusuke Kitagawa/Fox. I love this dork! He is beautiful, such a soul of an artist and kinda gullible in most things. He's a sweetie and never miss an opportunity to art. What happened to him in the past and in P5, I wanna protect him. I'm glad the Phantom Thieves came in to help and he becomes one. His relationship with Futaba is funny. They're like siblings to each other (Sorry to those who shipped them!). And he's sort of the first for Futaba to interact with. I do worry about his money situation, but he seems to be doing okay. I really wish Atlus added that you could date guys, I mean they made you date older women, but not a guy at close age to? O.o Anyway, Yusuke is a funny and sweet guy, kinda naive but a good guy. Kudos to the voice actors, both English and Japanese.

2. Morgana/Mona & Ryuji Sakamoto/Skull. Eh? Two?! Hey, it's hard to chose, okay? =3= Now why? Let's start with Morgana... He's a talking cat and he's adorable! (Morgana: I'm NOT a cat) Hehe... Anyway! He's like a mascot yet he's strong and wise in most situations. Despite being a cat in the real world, he still hangouts with the team to join in the fun. I love how he's smitten over Ann yet acts like a gentleman (sometimes) towards her and the fact he can become a bus (and helicopter in Royal) is awesome! I feel bad about when Morgana started to feel useless to the team and no one notice it until Haru appears as a thief. But I am glad he'd came back and to learn his past, wow! I nearly cried at the end of P5. I kinda wish he a human form like Teddie, but at least he kinda did in Royal. And I really wish his cat sprite has more reactions and stuff. The fact his Persona is Zorro... pfft X3c It's like Puss in Boots in Shrek! Now, Ryuji... He's such a good boy with a temper, but he has reasons why. Despite that, he's a good friend and never abandons his friends. Thanks to the MC, he slowly becomes who he should be and I'd a funny guy. I feel bad that his track team treated badly because of what happened and I kinda get it, but still... Anyway! He's like the loyal friend who got your back and is willing to stand up for his friends, even his life to save them. He even didn't judge the MC and becomes his first friend of Shujin Academy. Now, why both on the top fave 2? Well, they always bicker at each other yet they kinda get along sometimes. They both are close to the MC and they're funny like Yosuke and Teddie in P4. Glad their relationship had grew in Strikers and the fact that they are not afraid to blunt insults to each other. At least they're good friends.

Now, the top most fave(s), drum roll please........................

1. Ren Amamiya/Akira Kurusu/Joker & Zenkichi Hasegawa/Wolf. Again another spot is share! And before Strikers, Joker is still my top fave then Zenkichi came in, it's a tied. Let's start with Ren. Ren is handsome! He's cool and mysterious! The plot for him is perfect and how his Persona is Arsene is even more perfect. The background of his shows how hard life is, despite doing something good, he get punish in the end? That's bull crap and everyone treated him like he's a bad boy when he's not. Thankfully, he made friends and people around soon learns he's not a bad boy at all. Ren is charmer and he's still the guy who is willing to help those in need, of course that's up to the player. I do wish in Strikers that it kinda shown his distrust and trauma of the police. I would protect him and make any cops stay a safe distance from him. (Sorry Zenkichi) At least he kinda got his life back thanks to his friends and allies. Did I mention I like him? Seriously I do! 🥰 He's handsome and his smile... Sorry! Now, Zenkichi... This guy is a goof ball, the only adult of Phantom Thieves of Hearts and is a cop! Well, PubSec. He's like Dojima and Sojiro in one, sort of. At first, I did distrust due to he's a cop and all, plus you know in P4 and with Goro. I wasn't sure about him until I had watch the walk through and when first seeing him and when he'd laughed, I thought 'I might like this guy, but let's wait and see'. Now, I thought he would be a comic relief which he sort of is while still not trusting him until we learn he's a dad and how he'd lost his wife which 'Wait! He's a dad and had a wife who was killed in hit and run? Dojima 2?!' OwO I was surprised. Of course, not exactly the same, but similar plot. We get to learn about his past, his relationship with his daughter and why he was using the Phantom Thieves for such case. I start to feel bad for him and his daughter, heck even the Phantom Thieves felt bad. At some point, I did started to like him and Zenkichi was starting to bond with them and they even started to think as him part of the team. Once Zenkichi reveals why he'd hadn't caught the killer, I truly feel bad and understand why he let the killer go. Then boom! He has a Persona that fits him perfectly and such a cool Phantom Thief attire! 😳 That's when I fallen for him 'Dang it! First Joker now him!' He became like a dad of the team, always reminded them that despite what happened to the Monarch, it's still wrong what they're doing now. Despite how old he is (He's in his 40s) he can still fight and is cool! Still a goof ball good looking guy. Now, why both on the same spot? .....I love both them equally! 😍 They're both cool, good looking and those smirks... How dare Atlus did this to me?! I love their Personas. I wish we could see them having bonding moments though. *clears throat* Anyway. Because how I like them, as always I had created OCs to be with them. Hehe 😅

Now, for the rest of Phantom Thieves of Hearts. I do love them all, truly. Makoto is cool and she's the mom of the group. Ann is good friend to hangout, plus she's caring about others who had suffered. Haru is a sweetie who has scary side to her (Do not let her drive). Goro is someone that you wish he had saved sooner and yes I did hate him but I feel bad for what happened to him. Sumire, I wasn't sure about we had learn her background and wow! What a twist. I did call her a hypocrite while I can see why she thought that the people don't help themselves when reality the thieves gives courage and they done something to move on with some help, unlike what she did but I get it and I do like her persona.

Who would I want to be part of the team? Hmm... Hifumi since she was gonna be part of the team, but sadly that was cut off. She would've been better as a thief. Maybe Mishima, maybe! Sojiro... What?! It would've been cool, although he isn't young as he use to be, still. Lastly Maruki. I am surprised he doesn't count to be part of the team, but I guess it's because his Persona was kinda controlling him (I can't remember 😅) and didn't join the team. He would've been a neat addition to team, being a dad/uncle of the group. I feel bad for the guy and I get why did all that yet what about him? Doesn't he deserve to be happy to? Also... what happened to his girlfriend after the Metaverse vanishes in Royal? Anyway, he still like a sweet guy to me and I kinda wish Royal was mentioned in Strikers, but Strikers is technically a sequel/spin off to P5 since Strikers was part of P5, but it was too long and got cut. Hence of no mentioning of Royal.

Whew! Anyway! No hate on this, not everyone agrees with my choices and it's different from everyone opinions. But what about you guys? Got top faves and wish who would've been part of the team??

#persona 5 #persona 5 scramble #p5s #p5s spoilers #persona 5: strikers #p5 #sophia (persona 5)#futaba sakura #zenkichi hasegawa #yusuke kitagawa #morgana #ryuji sakamoto #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #phantom thieves #p5r #persona 5 royal #p5r spoilers

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judedeluca · 5 years ago

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Last Friday I Tried To Kill Myself: My Rant On Why Heroes In Crisis Is Destructive Garbage And Why Stories Like This Need To Stop Being Made

TW: Suicide, rape, abuse

I’ve made it no secret I’ve been in therapy since 2012, and I’ve especially been vocal about my dislike for DC Comics’ latest event book, “Heroes in Crisis,” which just released its last issue on May 29th 2019.

I tried to write something the other night but I didn’t like how it sounded so I deleted it. After my session with my therapist earlier in the day, she convinced me to simply write down what I feel regardless. And so I did. I typed and typed. This is pretty long under the cut. I don’t know if I got carried away. I think I did.

I need to be clear I did NOT just try to commit suicide because of how much I hated a comic book. I’d like to believe even I’m not that pathetic. I tried to kill myself because of a number of reasons which sort of snowballed together this previous Friday.

Look this is angry and long and it sounds ridiculous but I just wanted to write and get my feelings out and I’m sorry okay? I’m, just, I’m sorry. For being pathetic and a disappointment to my friends and letting this bother me so much.

But I’m talking about “Heroes in Crisis” because this book has been negatively affecting me since it began publication, and the state that it left me in this past week only served to exacerbate the negative thoughts I had to endure, and I briefly reached a point where I had a knife to my wrist.

I’ve been attending therapy for the past seven years in order to address trauma and abuse I suffered through in my adolescence. In grade school I was bullied, and from 6th to 12th grade I was sexually abused on two separate occasions in two separate schools from four different people. In middle school I was assaulted by three boys who weren’t much older than me on the bus ride home, where they grabbed my head and shoved my face into their crotches as all the other kids laughed. In high school a classmate molested me twice during art class, and spent the rest of that time trying to make me apologize after I smacked him in self defense.

In 2009 my family dissolved when my parents unhappily split apart, which placed me as the unwilling recipient of my father’s, mother’s, and sibling’s emotional baggage while my own problems were ignored. During the loss of my support system I juggled two jobs along with graduating from college, I came out of the closet and have been struggling to figure out both my sexual and gender identities, I made my first suicide attempt in 2013, and my best friend died in 2016 along with four other people I cared about or who saw me as a friend.

Seeking therapy was something I had to do on my own. I tried counseling sessions with the people at my college but despite their best efforts it didn’t do much to help. I never received counseling in middle school for my sexual assault and my parents weren’t of much help either despite it was clear I developed some significant behavior problems. In 10th Grade I did spend some time with a guidance counselor because they feared I was suicidal due to my depression around my bad grades in Chemistry, but again this didn’t really help.

God I realize how analytical and detached this is sounding and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m just listing everything. Ugh.

Aside from my suicidal thoughts I suffer from depression and PTSD. I think I’m a genuinely bad person and I’ve often thought I brought the abuse I suffered as a kid onto myself because I was a weird boy. I’ve wondered if I have a right to feel ashamed of what happened to me because it wasn’t as bad as what other people have gone through. I frequently think of myself as a shameless, greedy, manipulative person who doesn’t deserve to be happy because I use people. I’ve truly said some awful things to people and I know I’ve been blocked by a couple of people online and not without good cause. You need to understand that. My own sibling once said I was a wicked, blackhearted person.

I have trouble not assuming the worst of my parents and sibling because of how often I would find myself stuck in the middle of their arguing, which got me labeled a martyr whenever I tried to play peacemaker which I only wanted because I hate seeing them unhappy. I assume the worst about situations and I’ve spent countless nights lying awake thinking over and over again about past mistakes and how much I wish I was dead, or that I had died instead of one of my friends because they made the world a better place and I don’t. It’s easy for me to believe the world would be a better place if I died.

Often my problems had been ignored by the people I turned to for help. Ignored, looked down upon, or just belittled. It became hard for me to talk to people because it felt like no one really cared about what I was going through or that I wanted help. Or they misunderstood and their attempts to help failed because they didn’t really know what was wrong.

Despite all this I want to believe therapy has helped me deal with problems better than I had before, and helped me to take pride in what I have accomplished. I graduated cum laude with no student debt, I’ve held onto at least one job for over a decade, and I’m currently writing for three websites that have let me change my perspective on things and given me space to grow as a writer. I believe I’m better able to recognize boundaries and to let my feelings be known, and to know when not to engage in stressful situations. I’ve been trying, TRYING, not to let me depression and negative thoughts affect me too badly.

It’s not easy, but it’s better than not doing anything at all.

So, where does “Heroes in Crisis” fit into this.

Well.

Through middle and high school, comics were pretty much the only thing that managed to keep me going without having a complete breakdown. Well I did have other interests and I still do. I could never survive on comic books alone.

I didn’t really have any friends I could rely on or talk to about my problems, not in real life or online. I got lucky in high school since there was a comic store one block away, which meant I was now able to regularly buy comics instead of the odd issue here or there. It was after I graduated high school I finally began to make some friends through online message boards and by meeting people at comic conventions. So comics didn’t just keep me going, they helped me find the people who HAVE been able to help me and see me as an individual worth knowing. My very first best friend in the whole world (NOT the one who died) is a professional comic artist I met through DeviantArt. “Stuck Rubber Baby” helped me realize and be honest about the fact I’m queer, and it was through commissioning comic artists I’ve felt more comfortable about exploring my sexuality.

As cheesy as it sounds the presence of comics in my life has indeed helped me a great deal, and I want to professionally write comics someday as a way to repay some of that back and try to make the world a better place.

I’ve always bought a little bit of everything but I’m mainly focused on DC Comics. My favorite teams are the Titans, the Legion of Super-Heroes, the Doom Patrol, and the Justice Society. Ask me my favorite Flash, I’ll pick Jay Garrick or Wally West. My favorite Green Lantern, I’d pick Alan Scott and Kyle Rayner.

Suffice it to say I really haven’t been happy with most of what DC’s published in the past ten years. I’ve been especially vocal about my dislike for books such as “Rise of Arsenal,” “Titans” by Eric Wallace, and pretty much everything Scott Lobdell’s worked on. Like a lot of people, I thought “DC Rebirth” back in 2016 was a step in the right direction, that they were finally cleaning the mess they made with the New 52 initiative.

“Heroes in Crisis” proved me and a lot of other people wrong.

But as a person struggling with depression and PTSD, this book offended me on a whole different level compared to anything those other books have done.

So you’ve got a place, Sanctuary, where heroes and villains can receive counseling for their respective problems and possibly get help. That sounds like a great idea. And then the first issue opens with the reveal every patient has been gruesomely murdered save for two who believe the other is guilty. And it gets worse from there.

FIRST: It turns out Sanctuary has no actual doctors or therapists. It relies instead on a computer programmed with the supposed best traits of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman.

SECOND: The patients are put in virtual reality chambers where they relive their respective traumas over and over again as a way to confront them.

THIRD: There doesn’t seem to be any real security except for a couple of robots, and anyone can just walk in. Which means Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman haven’t been monitoring the place until AFTER the massacre.

What followed was than eight issues of a supposed mystery that wasn’t a mystery at all. Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman do almost nothing to figure who was responsible for this, while Lois Lane is given files of all the Sanctuary interviews which she PUBLISHES, leaking hundreds of secrets that were meant to be private even if she obscures the real names. The investigation falls to Booster Gold and Harley Quinn, who both believe the other is the killer.

It eventually turns out the killer was Wally West, who accidentally unleashed a burst of energy that killed those around him and in a fit of extreme suicidal despair violated the corpses to look like a mystery so he would have enough time to release the Sanctuary files and then kill himself believing it was the only way to make things right. He doesn’t die but turns himself in at the end.

I-I don’t have the energy to give a complete rundown, I really don’t. Suffice to say the book has problems. Racist problems, homophobic problems, and ableist problems. The series IS a problem.

Since the first issue was released I hated, I HATED, this comic with every fiber of my being. I hated the stilted writing and I hated the gross, overly sexualized artwork. I hated it was another event series built around cheap shock value deaths meant to drive up sales and garner controversy to make more sales. And I especially hated the premise, that this Sanctuary was supposed to be a place of healing but was anything BUT. The DC Trinity make no attempt to get real doctors to help them provide help for their comrades and friends, delegating everything to a computer that’s supposed to have their best qualities and assuming THAT is a decent substitute for qualified psychiatrists and therapists.

The very IDEA that Superman and Wonder Woman could be so arrogant and conceited to believe they could substitute for licensed medical professionals is appaling. Even Batman on his worst days would never be so inconsiderate.

And then there are the VR chambers, where the heroes relive their traumas over and over and over again until they can get over them. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. To experience such pain over and over again. The comic even demonstrated through characters Lagoon Boy and Wally West that going through their trauma again and again clearly wasn’t helping. Lagoon Boy relieved the Titans East massacre HUNDREDS of times. And this seems to be the only real option Sanctuary allows besides the confessionals.

This, this NEGLECT. Sanctuary isn’t a place for healing, it’s a dumping ground! These people are secluded and essentially kept in solitary confinement where they have almost no one but a computer to talk to. A computer that does absolutely nothing to help them.

I spoke to my own doctor about this and she agreed with me none of this was healthy and that the book itself was extremely damaging and poorly thought out.

And I have spoken to her about this a LOT over the last nine months, because with each issue that came out I felt myself getting more and more worn down. I would dread the last Wednesday of the month knowing the next issue would arrive. And let me tell you this wasn’t the only thing I was talking about in my sessions, but it figured a lot into my past discussions and my therapist respected that. I’m glad I have her in my life, she’s a consummate professional.

I’m not talking about simple fan boy hate. This comic DRAINED me and struck more than a number of nerves. The apathy and insensitivity that went into crafting this book reminded me far too much of what I’ve gone through in life and not for the better.

For starters, the way Tom King portrays the problems the characters go through is nothing but a joke. We’re treated to multiple confessional sequences where different characters talk about their issues in a nine-panel grid layout featuring some of the most stilted dialog I’ve ever read. King shows absolutely no research or care in the characters he talks about, ignoring their backstories to make up nonsense and present it as deep when in reality he’s gutted them from the inside out.

The one that bothered me most was Roy Harper from the first issue, in a confessional sequence one page AFTER his corpse is found.

Tom King took nine issues to completely destroy and misunderstand Wally West’s character, even though he only needed one page for Roy Harper.

Of course Scott Lobdell spent eight years destroying the character, so King didn’t need to do much.

Roy and his daughter Lian have been two of my favorite DC characters for years. I’ve been able to relate to Roy’s issues a lot over the years. Not his past drug addiction, but his struggles with depression and abandonment issues and his fight to try and be a better person despite everything he’s gone through. He was raised in a Native American community and probably has a better understand of racism than most white people could dream of. He’s a devoted father who tries to be the best dad he can be for his daughter. But most importantly, he knows he can screw up and he knows he’s not perfect. He just wants to be good. He’s a complex and multifaceted person who is more than his trauma, and I’ve long admired that. I’ve wished I could stop beating myself up over my past mistakes and just focus on doing good instead of hating myself for not being perfect. As someone who never really had much support from my parents growing up and that feeling of being totally alone despite being surrounded by people, I empathized with the neglect he suffered form Green Arrow and the way he was essentially abandoned in “Rise of Arsenal” when he needed help the most.

But is any of that discussed in “Heroes in Crisis?”

No.

Roy’s abandonment and depression are ignored so Tom King can churn out some nonsense about abusing prescription meds given to him by doctors for his superhero injuries before he switched to heroin because it was cheaper and safer. Not because of his depression. He only started taking the meds because of his injuries and he got addicted, which I’ve seen a number of fans who suffer from chronic pain complain that this is ableist for presenting them as drug addicts.

God I hope I’m remembering that right, I’m sorry guys.

“So you go to a needle. To save your kidneys. And some money. But really, isn’t that what superheroes do? Save things?”

Objectively one of the worst things I have ever read in ANYTHING.

But it doesn’t stop there. Pretty much every character given a confessional more or less has the problems they truly did survive ignored for nonsense that never occurred or is completely out of character to the point it feels like these are SUPPOSED to be jokes. Firestorm talks about his head being on fire. Green Lantern Hal Jordan doesn’t know what “Will” is. Raven says her father, an inter dimensional monster who has tried to turn her evil over and over again and whom she hates, loves her. Minor character the Protector is revealed to be addicted to multiple drugs and was only an anti-drug crusader because he thought it was funny. That was just CRUEL.

I... I have spent so long being ashamed of a lot of the abuse I went through and it is still hard for me to talk about. Do you have any idea how disgusted I am with myself whenever I try to tell someone about what happened to me in high school? When I have to figure out a way to say that “He tried to stick his finger in my ass” and not think about how the people reading or hearing this must be laughing at me it’s so pathetic? Or when I think about the crying fit after my first day of high school begging my mom to take me out of this school and she tells me to suck it up?

And so this bothers me, because I frequently fear that my problems are just a joke. And I see the characters whom I resonate with have their problems degraded and treated as poorly thought out jokes.

Why were some of these characters even here in the first place? To deal with their problems? Even though some of them WERE ALREADY TRYING TO GET HELP. Roy in particular had his Titans teammate Lilith Clay as his substance abuse counselor, but none of that is mentioned in the lead-up to “Heroes in Crisis.” The help that Roy was already getting was ignored. His efforts at self improvement were ignored by those around him.

But it’s not as bad as the reason Wally West was in Sanctuary. In “Flash War” Wally regains memories of his twin children Jai and Iris and is told they’re not in the Speed Force but SOMEWHERE. And Wally tries to find them and can’t. So instead of Barry Allen getting the Justice League to help with the search, knowing the disappearance of these children are one example of how the universe has been damaged, Barry and Iris West allow Wally to be taken to Sanctuary to essentially get him to shut up about his missing kids. He is abandoned by the people he viewed as parents. And this is what leads to Wally’s breakdown. Despite knowing his children are out there somewhere, “Heroes in Crisis” tries to demonize Wally for wanting his family back and it’s used to make him into a suicidal mass murderer. Wally’s problems make him into a villain. He’s driven mad with grief when he hacks the Sanctuary computer thinking no one has gone through what he has, and is broken when he experiences all that trauma at once. All this because he wanted something that was perfectly rational for him to want.

Wally’s trauma is used to dehumanize him.

The dehumanization doesn’t stop there, especially in the case of Poison Ivy who is turned into a plot device for Harley Quinn’s sake.

Never forget this was a thing that Clay Mann drew and DC would’ve used before it got leaked.

This was supposed to be the cover for the seventh issue, Ivy’s bloody corpse done like a pin-up.

After being treated as Harley’s motivation for most of the series, Ivy’s revived but in such a way she’s lost most of her humanity. She gets turned into a rip off of Swamp Thing and her body is more plant than human, no longer having nipples or a vagina. She’s been murdered and brought back in a way that will let DC sexualize her as much as they want now that she’s not human anymore. But this is supposed to be treated as GOOD because she’s supposedly more powerful now and she’s alive. Like that doesn’t change the shameful way she was killed, and how she came to Sanctuary hoping to get help for the awful things that haunt her and it got her killed.

Ivy’s long been a very complex character herself and many people have looked at her as a strong, interesting, intelligent queer woman who ultimately only wants to save the Earth and be with the woman she loves. But she’s frequently the villain in her stories and often told she doesn’t understand what real love is. Instead of being recognized for the complex character and inspiration she is, Ivy also has her trauma used against her as an excuse for to be sent to die and LITERALLY be dehumanized. So what does that say to the women who resonate with her? The queer readers? What does that say?

The leaking of the Sanctuary files is also supposed to be seen as good. Wally claims he did it because he thought if people saw someone like him could make a mistake, they’d get help before he did something bad like him. That if they saw their heroes had problems, they’d get help too.

IT’S TRYING TO VALIDATE THIS VIOLATION OF PRIVACY AND HOW ALL THESE PROBLEMS ARE TURNED INTO A MEDIA SIDESHOW THANKS TO LOIS LANE AND SUPERMAN.

And Wally turns himself in he’s left to rot in jail, more alone than ever. Where’s the supposed help now?

But Booster Gold gets to hang with Blue Beetle and Harley’s with Ivy and it’s supposed to be about hope by showing no matter what mistakes you make it’s not too late and blah blah whatever that last issue was. It tries to pretend all this suffering and misery was worth it because now Wally really can represent hope by being an example!

Bros before heroes!

These people went to get help or were sent to get help, and instead they were ignored. They were killed. Their problems turned into jokes. They had their problems used against them after they died when all they wanted was to be better.

WANTING TO GET BETTER IS NOT A REASON WHY ANYONE SHOULD HAVE TO DIE. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE AN AFTERTHOUGHT LIKE THIS.

One of the worst thing out of all this is knowing NONE OF THE CHARACTERS USUALLY ACT LIKE THIS. The reason why Wally accidentally killed everyone is because King makes up a retcon involving the Speed Force that was never, EVER mentioned in any Flash comic before. He makes up things on the fly to justify why any of the characters are there at all. Someone once said how, and I’m paraphrasing, “A story should be made to fit the characters, the characters shouldn’t be made to fit the story.” It’s been clear to a lot of people this book was blatant character assassination and Dan Didio’s latest attempt to finally get rid of Wally West because he hates him and all the other legacy characters so much. A story about PTSD that could’ve been meaningful and helped people got hijacked to destroy a character. To use their trauma as a tool to make them do something horrible. To exploit trauma for shock value and dehumanize not just the characters but the people who read these books and identified with the struggles and I

HATE IT!!!!!!!

It hurts because so many people care about these characters, and Didio would use a story that could’ve been uplifting to carry out his petty hatred.

This has been it, month after month for me. I’d get mad, and I would try to take my mind off it. I’d write fan fiction and commission artwork making fun of “Heroes in Crisis,” I’d try to vent on the internet and explain why I hate this comic. I’d connect with friends and other fans who’re equally unhappy, and I’d just feel myself getting worse and worse. I’ve had trouble sleeping thinking about this comic, stress dreams and laying awake at night before I’d start to think about how I’m a bad person too and wishing over and over again to die and end everything. To stop being a blight on the world and give it to someone who deserves to live. More importantly, that crushing sense of not being able to do anything to make this better. This powerlessness to try and change things for the better. Wishing I could do something to make it better and thinking about all the other ways I’ve failed in life. The loved ones and friends who died and I couldn’t help them. The unhappiness in my family. The state of the world. And then I’d think about how much I hate myself even more because there are more important things to worry about in the world, like what that rapist monster in the White House is doing to this country and to anyone who’s not a straight white man.

The week the final issue came out I knew right off it was going to be a train wreck and I was right. A disappointing ending to a disappointing story. More feelings of anxiety and self loathing and a feeling that my problems are nothing but a joke to mocked and exploited.

While all this was going on I had other things to worry about. In March my grandfather was hospitalized with a number of health problems due to a urinary tract infection. He spent a week gradually becoming confused and losing energy before he was taken to the emergency room when he said he was having trouble breathing. It turned out he also had a cyst, a clot, and bleeding in his brain. As me, my mom and sibling worried about his health we also had to worry about our house because my grandfather pays most of the rent and if his pension had to go towards a nursing home, we would have to move. So while worrying about my 92 year old grandfather’s health I also had to worry about possibly losing my house. And while he was recovering at the rehab hospital he had to go back to the ER again on Easter when we were told he fell during the night. He’s in another nursing home and he’s doing better thankfully, but he’s also the last grandparent I have and I’m not ready to lose him when he’s held onto his mind for so long.

So what exactly happened when the ninth issue came out that pushed me?

This past Thursday while I was at work, I get a call from my mother saying she thinks someone might be in our house because she went downstairs into my grandpa’s apartment and all the doors were open. I don’t know why she didn’t call the police or what she thought I could do since I wasn’t even in the Bronx. *Sigh* I tried to get my dad to come pick me up sooner so I could check out what was wrong and I was trying not to panic even when my mom texts me saying she’s okay but she locked her bedroom door and she’s got a blunt object. Then she says maybe it was nothing after all...

And then I get home and I see the garage door is wide open and it’s a disaster, as if someone trashed the place. I can’t get my dad out of the car and he just says “Call the police” as if he doesn’t care. I run into the house and begin checking the rooms in my grandpa’s apartment before grabbing a kitchen knife and going back to the garage. I then tell my mom what’s happened to the garage and it’s like I’m invisible. I can’t even get her outside to look and she’s more concerned about getting her dinner from around the corner. She tells me “It’s not like no one’s gotten in the garage before.”

AFTER SHE GETS ME WORKED UP THINKING SOMEONE WAS IN OUR HOUSE. AND I COME HOME AND THEY MIGHT’VE TRASHED THE GARAGE.

I literally can’t understand what was going through her head when she gave me this runaround. And I call her on it the next day, telling her how scared she got me and how it felt when she acted like I was making a big deal of nothing. I was frightened she could’ve been alone in the house with an intruder, because obviously she felt the same way if she wanted to lock herself in her bedroom. She STILL acted like it was no big deal and it’s like 2010 all over again and I’m being expected to drop everything to help her and she won’t give me any courtesy or empathy.

And then not even an hour later that Friday I get an email from my boss about a secret shopper thing and I rush to get my phone seeing he’s tried to call me. And he’s saying he’s mad at me because of something I did on Tuesday that might get our distribution license suspended or taken away completely. I’m thinking this is because of me. Because I screwed up. And I’ve had this job since I graduated high school and I might’ve ruined it completely.

And that mixed with how it’s like my mother has played fucking mindgames with me and all the other feelings and the general anger and hopelessness and thinking over and over it’s not going to get better I picked up that knife again and held it to my wrist while my boss was still on the phone.

I had it pressed against my skin and wanted to dig it in deeper.

I kept thinking “I CAN’T DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS” seeing everything all at once, over and over again and...

I-I don’t know. Maybe just a part of me that said not to do it or something. Maybe because despite all my talk of wanted to die I don’t.

I don’t want to die.

So I put the knife down before I cut myself.

I went to work at my second job and I scheduled an emergency session with my therapist, and I tried to write.

So it’s Monday morning and I’m typing this and wondering now, if anyone actually reads this what kind of shit will I expect if people actually bother to read it.

I’m a loser who needs to get a life

I read the story wrong

I didn’t understand the story

I need to get laid

I’m just mad my favorite character died

I hate it because Tom King’s a good writer

I’m a contrarian who hates it because it’s popular

I don’t know what I’m talking about

I’m a whiny f****t

I’m conceited enough to think Tom King may ever actually read this and have him say “I’m sorry you reacted this way”

This isn’t the story King wanted to tell and he had good intentions

OH SCREW YOUR FUCKING “GOOD INTENTIONS”

My teachers had “Good intentions”

My parents had “Good intentions”

AND I AM STILL FUCKING PAYING FOR IT

I am so sick of hearing about “Good intentions.” Just because a person had good intentions doesn’t absolve them of messing up! King apparently handed in a basic outline and let editorial pick the characters. If King had good intentions, he would’ve bothered to do research on the characters instead of turning them into jokes. If he had good intentions he would’ve done a better job of showing how therapy actually CAN help people. He wouldn’t have given us a story all about death and suffering and say it’s about hope. If he had good intentions he wouldn’t have let Didio use this to get rid of Wally West.

You want to talk about people with ACTUAL good intentions? How about we talk about the people out there who’ve written about abuse and trauma and suicidal thoughts and how to address those things in ways that MATTER. In ways that don’t alienate people and can grant a better understanding of ways to act.

In ways that say “I see you. I understand you and know what you’ve gone through. You’re stronger than you think.”

Let’s talk about Jeremy Whitley writing “The Unstoppable Wasp” where Nadia Pym has a manic episode and attacks her friends, and has to be talked down from killing herself by her friend Priya because her own brother committed suicide.

Let’s talk about how Priya describes the world Nadia would create if she killed herself and convinces her she deserves to live because she makes everyone happy and she is a good person no matter what she is thinking right now.

Let’s talk about Magdalene Visaggio’s “Eternity Girl” where Caroline Sharp is a suicidal immortal superhero who wants to destroy reality because she thinks it’s the only way she can die, and her girlfriend Dani convinces her that she can build a new world for herself instead of destroying this one because Caroline’s stronger than her misery and has the power to choose what she wants.

Let’s talk about Chris Claremont’s disgust at how Carol Danvers had been brainwashed and raped and sent off to live with her rapist while her friends did nothing to help her and thought this was a HAPPY ENDING

Let’s talk about how he had Carol dress down the Avengers for the shameless way they treated her and abandoned her when she needed them

Let’s talk about Jim Salicrup and Louise Simonson working on the “Spider-Man and Power Pack” special which showed the right ways to address child abuse.

How Salicrup was able to make Spider-Man into a sexual abuse survivor without it being a joke and how his story helped a little boy tell his parents what happened to him. And how this helped Spider-Man accept what happened to him was not his fault.

How Simonson wrote about the Power Pack supporting a friend being sexually abused by her father and how they convince her she did nothing to deserve this.

Let’s talk about Rachel Pollack’s Doom Patrol run which showed that trauma is not the end of someone’s existence and that people can be happy despite what’s happened to them

Let’s talk about George and Marion who despite the trauma of having lost their bodies and being used as slaves they still choose to smile and enjoy life and love each other

Let’s talk about Kate Godwin, a transgender woman who changed her body to match the person she was inside despite what people said about her and treated her, and found a community that supported her and loved her and is a strong, good woman with the power and the empathy to help others

A woman who was outraged when a person tried to make her believe she’d been gang raped and needed trauma to make her life more meaningful.

SO TALK ABOUT ALL OF THEM AND TELL ME ABOUT KING’S “GOOD INTENTIONS”

NO ONE NEEDS TRAUMA IN THEIR LIFE TO MAKE IT MEANINGFUL. FINDING HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’VE SURVIVED SOMETHING HORRIBLE DOESN’T MAKE THAT SOMETHING HORRIBLE JUSTIFIED.

You can’t look at stories like “Heroes in Crisis” and say “Oh it’s okay because in the end it was worth it because it taught us something” and NO. IT IS NOT OKAY. HAVING YOUR PROBLEMS LAUGHED AT AND MOCKED AND DEGRADED AND TRIVIALIZED IS NEVER OKAY. NOT FROM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT. NOT TOTAL STRANGERS. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

So yeah, maybe I am fucking pathetic for ranting about this and I should get a life and talk about more important things but I don’t fucking care! I’m angry about this and I’m gonna be angry for a long time! I’m angry about this story and I’m angry about how it affected me and the people I care about and people I don’t know and I will always be angry with myself that I tried to kill myself because of how this book made me feel and affected what I was going through.

Because stories are important to our lives. They can help us get through every day and they can make our problems not seem so bad. They can give us the strength to look at the bad parts of our life and think maybe they can change. That WE can change. We read about these people and we connect with them. We see things in them we wish to be like or things that are already in us and it can make us feel like we aren’t alone.

And even when stories aren’t enough they can help us find the people who can tell us these things. To help us find people who would care about us, and to care about them so maybe WE can help them. They’re a gateway.

So no, it’s not just a fucking comic book. And no, I don’t care what the intentions were. And I don’t care how pathetic this all sounds.

This, this was a bad story. This was a harmful story. And people deserve better. We don’t deserve to keep living in an age where stories like this, that can make us feel like we’re nothing, keep happening. We deserve stories that show us our lives are not defined by our trauma, we are NOT jokes, we are strong, and we deserve to live. That is not what “Heroes in Crisis” was and you will never convince me otherwise.

I had problems long before this story came out. I do not blame it for things that happened to me before. I do not blame it for my assault and abuse. I blame it for making me feel more like I don’t deserve to live and that what I’ve gone through doesn’t matter. I blame it for making me feel like my hard work and attempts to make my life better are meaningless.

This is not okay.

You wanna fucking blast me for this, go right ahead.

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thestarshiphope · 6 years ago

Note

Huh? What kind of game do you have planned Ouma?

Which of us shall move first?

Ladies first, as always.

As you wish.

*White Pawn to C4*

You ever think about life like this?

*Black Pawn to G6*

What do you mean?

*White Knight to F3*

I mean, it’s funny. People like us have so many more privileges than commons. We get to exercise all kinds of power they could only dream about.

*Black Knight to F6*

I am aware, though I do not cherish that fact.

*White Knight to C3*

Why not? I would’ve thought someone lifted out of poverty would jump at the chance. You’d finally have all the power and wealth you could ever ask for.

*Black Bishop to G7*

I never cared for the glitterati of the Ultimate Program. I accepted it as a chance to serve the country.

*White Pawn to D4*

Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re a Utilitarian, aren’t you? It’s all about the needs of the many with you.

As a Supreme Leader of Evil, I used the chance to build up our arsenal. We have more weapons than some countries now. Maybe a few people got hurt and disappeared, but who cares? They were all to happy to keep me in power over the rest of my family.

Seems we’re on opposite ends. A Utilitarian who believes in one for all and a dictator who believes in all for one.

*Castling: King to G8, Rook to F8*

As if I would believe that story. No such organization could exist and remain unnoticed.

Though you are correct: I do believe in a selfless devotion to all people. That is why I have chosen to serve as a maid. It is not merely a talent or a title, but my decision to serve. To bring happiness to others.

*White pawn to E4*

What kind of a life is that? You’re happy being a slave?

I am not a slave.

Nishishishi, sorry. I’m just so used to dealing with my organization’s own slaves, it’s hard to tell the difference.

Seriously though, don’t you ever get tired of dealing with people? If you serve them, they’ll never really appreciate at you, just take you for granted.

*Black pawn to D5*

I have my limits, yes. I have dealt with my fair share of masters who I am loath to speak of.

However, they do not represent the bulk of my clientele. They were kind to me, asked me for assistance, and I was more than happy to not only serve them, but to help them realize their potential.

I have served both Ultimates and Commons, in positions as high as CEOs and politicians, to those who could only barely afford my services. At times, I even worked for free. I saw that they needed assistance and I was more than willing to provide.

*White Queen to B3*

How very noble of you, Tojo-san. An Ultimate sticking up for those poor unfortunate souls.

Except, from the sound of it, you’re missing one crucial detail.

That being?

No matter how talented, connected, or powerful you are, you can’t help everyone. As a Utilitarian, you should know that.

*Black pawn to C4. White pawn captured*

Perhaps not. But I shall make the attempt regardless.

*White queen to C4. Black pawn captured*

So you really don’t care about your well-being? What about your needs? Your dreams? Do you really think other people are going to help you achieve them?

Believe me, when the masses are sure they can’t get anything out of people like you anymore, they’ll turn on you.

*Black pawn to C6*

I do not serve for the sake of popularity. I wish to help as many people as I possibly can.

Negative opinions hold no sway over me. It simply motivates me to work harder.

*White pawn to E4*

It does, does it?

You sure didn’t feel that way when the Prime Minister’s house burned down.

*Black knight to D7*

…how do you even know-

I had my minions do a little digging before I signed up for Project Gofer. I know a loooot about the people on this ship.

I think you were a perfect fit for Prime Minister! You were so smart and diligent when the people needed you, helped them whenever they needed it…

…and then it all burned down in one night. Tough break.

…

If this is your attempt at throwing me off, it is a painfully shallow one.

*White Rook to D1*

So it doesn’t bother you anymore? All those deaths don’t weigh on your conscience?

*Black Knight to B6*

I have moved past it. While I mourn for theirs deaths in what was an utterly senseless and disgusting waste of life, my priority here and now is the lives of everyone aboard this ship.

Wallowing in my guilt and self-pity nearly cost them their lives. I will not allow that to happen again.

*White Queen to C5*

I see. I mean, your girlfriend did almost get strangled to death. Nice to know that your sense of morality is most important when it affects you specifically.

*Black Bishop to G4*

And I was able to save her, subdue Shinguji, and the others were rescued. No lives were lost.

It may surprise you, but I do have personal desires. This was one of the occasions where they coincided perfectly with those of everyone else.

More importantly, Kaede has taught me how to embrace my own emotions. It is true I neglected my feelings for too long, to the point where I did not know how to deal with them. She has done more for me than I ever thought possible. Of course I will defend her. I will defend her even if it costs me my own life.

*White bishop to E2*

…

Good for you! I’m happy to know you’re actually a human being and not some emotionless, soulless robot!

*Black Knight to A4*

There is no need for your prejudiced commentary.

So you’re a friend of robots too, huh? Why? Robots aren’t people.

Can a robot write poetry? Paint? Compose a song? Can you do anything besides compute data? No. They’re cold and unfeeling.

Can you do such things?

…

I thought as much.

*Castling: King to F1, Rook to E1*

If a machine is capable of independent thought, of creating new ideas, and even of exhibiting romantic attraction, they are a person in my eyes.

I prefer the Cartesian view on intelligence: I think, therefore I am.

You sure do care a lot about people, don’t you, Tojo-san?

*Black Rook to B8*

Absolutely.

Does it ever hurt?

At times, yes.

It’s easier not to feel, isn’t it? To just be in it for yourself.

If I wanted an easy life, I would never have become a maid.

*White Queen to E5*

Ain’t that the truth.

Even then, sometimes you get great opportunities just handed to you.

*Black Queen to D4. White Pawn captured*

And I gladly take them should they offer me a necessary step forward.

*White Queen to D4. Black Queen Captured*

Not everything turns out for the best, of course.

*Black Bishop to C8*

Tell me: you claim to be the Supreme Leader of some sort of clandestine organization.

If it does exist, what exactly is the purpose of your group?

*White Rook to D2*

I’m afraid can’t tell you that, Tojo-san.

If you ever found out, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you. Not by my own hands, of course. My subordinates would take care of you for me, and it would look just like an accident.

*Black Knight to C3. White Knight Captured*

Considering your reputation as a liar, I remain undaunted.

*White Bishop to C4*

I wouldn’t think like that if I were you. We have members everywhere, all of them closer than you might think.

*Black Knight to D5*

If I can survive assaults from Red Rain and a serial killer, I am certain your organization poses no greater threat.

*White Bishop to E5*

That might be true. You are pretty physically capable.

But you remember what happened with Hoshi-chan and his family, don’t you?

If you really want to hurt someone, you go after everyone and everything they care about.

*Black Knight to A2. White pawn captured*

Assuming, of course, that you are a greater power than them. If not, that plan falls to pieces.

*White pawn to D5. Black Knight Captured*

When one of us falls, we strike back even harder.

*Black pawn to D5. White pawn captured*

Then those under threat from you make themselves more prepared. Or perhaps a better strategy…

We strike close to your home as well, as a signal not to mess with us.

*White bishop to G7. Black bishop captured*

So you would be willing to do that? Hit close to your enemy’s home? Go after their families and loved ones just like they did to you?

*Black Bishop to E6*

If that is what it would come down to, as a way to put an end to the threat…

So be it.

*White Bishop to A2. Black Knight captured*

Alright, then let me ask you this…

What if it turns out the ones you’re trying to defend aren’t who they say they are?

*Black Rook to C8*

If they are truly a part of my adversary?

*White Bishop to B3*

Not exactly. What I mean is, what if it turns out the person that you’re so sure that they are…is just one big lie?

They claimed to be a good friend, supported you, got as close to you as they could.

*Black Rook to C4*

*White Bishop to C4. Black Rook Captured*

But it was all just one ploy. You were never more than a means to an end for them. Once they get what they need, they stab you in the back.

*Black pawn to C4. White Bishop captured*

You have a very negative view on other people. I can assure you that the people I have spent the last few months with on this ship are nothing of that sort.

*White pawn to G3*

As a Supreme Leader, it’s obvious my sense of morality would be different from the norm.

And can you really say that so confidently? I mean, didn’t Momota-chan pretend to not be sick just so he could explore that planet? He almost got himself, Saihara-chan and Akamatsu-chan killed.

And Shinguji-chan had been lying since even before Project Gofer started back on Earth. A serial killer with almost 100 victims pretending to be a friendly anthropologist.

How are you so sure that the others don’t have their secrets? Hell, you guys have been speculating about who among us might be a Red Rain member.

I am starting to believe that was merely paranoia at work.

And that’s when it happens. You get comfortable with the people you’re close to, just like they want you to. You open up to them, let them see you for who you really are, pretending they’re doing the same…

And when you open your heart to them, they’ve got you.

*Black bishop to H3. Check*

And how am I certain you are not merely lying about all of this?

Perhaps there is some truth in your words, but I am more than certain you are trying to incite distrust among us.

*White King to G1*

It’s not like that, I swear.

I’m just…scared, y’know? You’re one of the only people around here I feel like I can open my heart to. What if there’s really a Red Rain member here? You saw what they do to people like us.

*Black pawn to F6*

Your concerns are not entirely baseless I admit, but pointing fingers and accusing the others of lying will not do us any good.

*White bishop to H6*

But we gotta do something to protect ourselves.

*Black rook to E8*

Yes, and that means building trust between us. Ensuring that we work together through any crisis we may face out here.

You can be certain of one thing: driving others away, accusing them of lying and manipulating, all of that will ultimately leave you alone and defenseless. None will stand beside you.

*White queen to C4. Black pawn taken. Check*

Do you love Akamatsu-chan?

*Black king to H8*

Of course I do.

I advise you not make any suggestions that she intends to betray me or anyone else here.

Such accusations will not turn out well for you.

*White rook to E3*

You said you’d be willing to die for her. She really inspires that much love and devotion out of you?

*Black pawn to G5*

Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

*White queen to E4*

Funny how she kinda does that with everyone, huh?

She’s always been that big inspirational leader whenever we needed one. She’s kept this mission going while most of us were still asleep. It’s like she’s nothing but sunshine and optimism.

*Black pawn to E6*

But nobody’s right 100% of the time.

Of course not. She has made mistakes, as we all have.

But on the whole, I doubt we would be anywhere near this organized if we did not have her around.

I do not even wish to contemplate what such a situation would be like.

Yeah, no kidding…

With her, I have no doubt that we will all stand together as a team, and we shall find the truth.

*White pawn to F4*

You can talk about friendship and cooperation all you want, but what happens if there’s some kind of schism? What if things break down or someone goes murder-happy again? Hell, what if this whole ship descends into civil war?

*Black rook to D4. White Knight captured*

I cannot see it happening, but in the unlikely even that it does, then we act to resolve the situation by whatever means necessary. We do not allow any loss of life to occur, no matter the circumstances. I stand by what I said: even if my efforts prove futile, I will persist to the very end.

*White Queen to C2*

You can’t seriously expect all of us to make it off this ship alive if that happens, can you?

*Black rook to F4. White pawn captured*

Ouma-san, I understand where you are coming from, we have escaped such situations in the past.

It seems as though we have a habit of escaping situations that would have otherwise killed us.

As Kaede likes to say, there is nothing we cannot accomplish if we work together. Victory shall always be within our reach. And speaking of victory…

*White queen to C8. Checkmate*

Wh-

Wow. Great work, Tojo-san, I’m impressed!

Was this request merely an excuse to have this conversation with me?

Mostly, but I also wanted to have some fun. And I got to learn a lot about you too!

Of course, there’s only so much you can learn in chess.

Anyway, I’m going back to my room. Thanks for the game! See ya later!

*He leaves*

I wonder what his true intentions with this were…

In any event, I need to get back to my duties.

#danganronpa #v3 #danganronpa v3 #kirumi tojo #kokichi ouma #starship hope #DR #ndrv3 #hopeful-blue-wanderer #Long post #But this is easily one of my favorite things I've ever written #please read all of it

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