#is that all my endings were bittersweet and often involved losing what you loved

[acreamearedsweeper]

I love stories of non-human entities struggling with their humanity. Monsters, robots, AI, things from beyond the stars, something that was made in the image of man but is very much Not Human.

Learning how to love and be loved. To experience joy and pain. To gain something that is your own. To lose it all and grieve. Are you immortal? How do you view the world from ageless eyes? How do you cope against losing your immortality? Do you cry, lash out, struggle against the night? Do you accept it coldly and embrace the end of your story? To believe in forces that can't be observed. Luck, God, fate? What happens when you die? Are you returned to the earth? Become star dust? Or come back in a different form? Do you refuse to think about it, because to acknowledge it would be to mourn your present self?

What limits are you willing to push yourself for what you love? To lose, to fight, to kill? Did you know of humanity? Did you look down on humans? Revere them? If you are cut, do you bleed?

Were you always under the impression you were human? One day you took a stumble, and inside your arms there were wires. How did you view the concept of yourself? Did you love? What can you call feelings if you have no chemicals in your brain?

Humanity so much is struggling and fear, but it is also magic in the small things and compassion. Have you watched a sunset? Could you comprehend the concept of one?

You may hate and wage war, lose and shed your skin, die by your own hands or kiss your lover one last time. But above all you love, you love, you love.

[artsninspo]

“RESENTMENT”

Summary: Jamie needs a favour from his ex-girlfriend while in a pinch. What follows is angst and a conversation governed by history and bittersweet memories.

Author's Note: Original angsty piece for Jamie and the reader.

Pairing: Jamie (Topboy) X Reader

TW: Mentions of miscarriage

Word Count: 1.5K

Being the missus of a roadman is a rewardless position. The lies and cheating aren't even the worst of it. You live under constant threat because of your connection to a man that isn’t even around that often. If the threat to your own person isn’t peril enough, the threat of losing the man you love to the violence of the roads is sure enough. It does something to you, and it isn't nice. It's like every argument, every issue, every boundary is thwarted because time is limited. Because you're haunted by the what if. What if tonight's the night he doesn't come home. It's even harder because this was never Jamie's future plan. He wanted to continue studying business - legitimately. He never wanted to carry weapons, sell drugs and take lives. But somehow the memory of the fun loving boy could no longer keep you. As he got deeper into the game, you found yourself drifting further and further away. Then sex was the only way you found yourselves connecting, everything else was arguments. When you ended things at first he laughed vowing to give you time. Then after two weeks of fortitude he grew resentful and started acting like a single man. It was the last straw and the final nail in your relationship's coffin.

You squint at the security monitor as you see Jamie outside, you check your phone to see five missed calls and roll your chair back. You lock your workstation and head out to the main entrance, your heels clicking against the tiled floor. Pulling your blazer closed you push open the office's side doors. Your brows ask him what he’s doing here before you even speak. His eyes scan your pencil skirt, blouse and blazer. He smirks in spite of his stress.

“I need you to look after Stefan, Aaron’s studying and I’m afraid Stef’s going down the wrong path.” he states and it's your turn to look him over. He’s visibly exhausted and by the swelling of his brow he’s been in some kind of altercation.

“For how long?”

“What do you have visitors coming by? Stef will cramp your style?” Jamie snaps being confrontational.

“I’ll need to pick him up from school won't I, and drop him off - I’ll need to make arrangements at work” you explain not opting to argue.

“Y/N?” he starts 

“Jamie, whatever it is, sort it out. I want no involvement” you sigh wishing things were different.

“I have a storage unit, where I kept the things of my parents I couldn't throw out. There's an old canvas bag in the large purple luggage. It has fifty bags. If anything happens to me take care of my brothers with that” his words cause overwhelm. You can feel your face grow hot and tears threaten to well. 

“Is there a key or something?” you swallow determined not to break.

“Code, it's your birthday - day, month, year” he reasons like it's supposed to mean something. Like it's supposed to mean as much as him leaving the life. You fill your lungs with a deep breath wondering when love  stopped being enough.

“Fifty bags is enough to start fresh” you mutter. “You could go abroad and finish your degree with all your experience and you would be so successful. You could keep your brothers safe on your own and live a good life without looking over your shoulder” You repeat the same plea that has fallen on deaf ears so many times before.

“I can’t run,” he responds again.

“So what are you going to do risk your life, hide your wealth, stress, fuck around and piss your brothers off for the rest of your life?” you ask.

“What are you gonna do? Keep pretending that you don't love me? Work long hours for modest pay. Date respectable lads that mum and dad approve of, but bore you half to death and repeat the monotony until you're old and grey?” he retorts.

“YN?” you hear and turn to see Ray, one of your colleagues in the doorway looking concerned. He’s something of a work husband. Older, maybe near forty, fit, handsome and charming but not in a sleazy way. “You alright?” he asks.

“She wouldn't be out here if she didn't know me or want to talk to me” Jamie says with cheek.

“I’m fine Ray” You nod, giving him a smile that is returned as he heads back in.

“Ten days, I need you to watch them for ten days” Jamie clarifies finally after too much irrelevant chatter.

“That's fine”

“Thank you” he says, strained.

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for them” you specify and Jamie swallows.

“Maybe you can save one of us,”  he nods, pulling on his hood as he walks back to his car. You have half the heart to follow him in to try to convince him there's better for him. You curse yourself as you step forward pulling your jacket closed to weather the wind as you make it to his car. You get in the passenger seat and Jamie's eyes are exhausted.

“You don't get to just come here and dump the possibility of you dying on me. You can't just leave me with the responsibility of your brothers” You snap and he shakes his head.

“You’re the only person I know that can do it properly and that Stef and Aaron love and respect” he snaps.

“Jamie” you whisper as your head and heart battle between leaving and trying to reason with him. “You would never let me go if I did what you're doing now” you reason and he sighs putting his head back against the seat in frustration. “You’re enough, we’re enough we have enough” you snap as the tears begin to stream down your cheeks. “Don't you think we deserve more than you leaving us. Especially Stef and Aaron they’ve already survived enough”

“Y/N I should have left when you asked me the first time. There’s no running now. I can’t run from it”

“Jamie, I was pregnant. I was pregnant and I lost the baby because of the stress. That day I went to the hospital for bad cramps. That's what they told me happened.” you sniffle and his eyes go to your stomach. He’s him again and not hard and detached. The emotions roll in fast. He nods looking straight ahead as tears well into his eyes. A few fall before he wipes them away.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he sniffles.

“I lost faith in you, in us … I wanted to be angry. I wanted an out” you whisper. “I knew if I told you, you’d be there for me and I’d be in it. But it wouldn't last. God forbid it happened again.” you confess as his tears subside. He looks you over with red eyes and resentment. We watch each other like strangers for what feels like minutes in silence, trying to make sense of the people in front of us - so far from who we once were.

“Maybe everyone is better off if I’m gone then” he mutters.

You look him over drawing in a deep breath, you'd beg if you believed it’d have some kind of impact.

“I’ll look after Stef and Aaron” you concede reaching to unlock his door.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about our baby” he apologises. You’ve already had your time to reconcile your loss and the reality of losing Jamie in your life as a friend, partner and eventual father of your children.

“Jamie, you know what I pray for?” you ask, turning back to him. He holds your gaze but doesn't respond, too raw with emotion to welcome more revelations. “I pray that in like sixty years I’m somewhere with other really old people and you're there” your voice cracks as tears well. “And you're fat, wrinkly, grey and balding” you pause trying to contain your emotions. “And you have kids and grandkids and you’re happy and you’ve had a full life” you break. When the tears have stopped clouding your vision you see Jamie’s broken too.

He resents you for leaving, for starting a life without him and not looking back, for dreaming of a future without him when he starts every day with regret the moment he opens his eyes and your side of the bed is empty. He’d never pray for sixty more years of life without you.

“I have to go,” he says finally. You force your heart to accept the absence. To accept the reality that this could be the last time you see him. You steel yourself against breaking and falling back into old patterns.

“Take care” you sigh.

“‘I love you,” he says, choosing truth over resentment. It's a hallmark of growth.

“I love you too Jamie” you respond, making him smile. It's been months since you've said those words.

You'll always love him.

_______________

PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO LIKE, COMMENT AND REBLOG. Let me know if you enjoyed this piece :)

[yerutibattilana28]

Empowerment through choice: Timeless Feminism of Little Women (pages 580-)

Fifth Entry

As I closed the final pages of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, my heart was going through a mix of emotions, warmth, inspiration, and a deep sense of "anemoia". The last part of the novel, left a lasting impact on me, and I couldn’t help but reflect on the timelessness of its themes and characters.

In these concluding chapters, we witness the lives of the March sisters unfolding in ways that are both deeply satisfying and beautifully bittersweet. Each sister’s journey towards womanhood is a testament to Alcott’s understanding of the complexities of life and the varied paths one can take. What struck me most was how the story reinforces the idea that true feminism is about choice, the freedom to craft our own destinies, whether that means being a "girlboss" or a devoted housewife.

Beth’s passing, though heart wrenching, serves as a reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing the simple joys. Meg’s contentment in her role as a wife and mother, underscores the beauty of finding fulfillment in domestic life, a choice that is just as valid and admirable as any other. Amy’s journey, from a somewhat vain young girl to a thoughtful woman, illustrates the value of growth and the pursuit of personal ambitions without losing sight of one’s values.

And then there’s Jo, our beloved Jo, whose struggles with societal expectations and her own desires are perhaps the most relatable. Jo’s decision to marry Professor Bhaer instead of pursuing a more conventionally ‘feminist’ path might seem surprising to some, but it’s still a powerful statement. The author shows us that choosing love and companionship doesn’t diminish one’s strength or independence. In fact, it takes courage to pursue what genuinely makes one happy, even if it’s not what others expect.

This brings me to a fascinating aspect of Alcott’s original vision for Jo. There have been rumors and speculations that Alcott intended for Jo to remain unmarried or even to be depicted as a lesbian, a bold move for her time. Alcott herself was a woman who defied conventions, never marrying, and living a life that was distinctly her own. However, the social norms of the 19th century were incredibly restrictive, and even the idea of Jo staying single was already pushing boundaries. Whether these rumors hold any truth or not, they add another layer to Jo’s character, a reminder of how our stories often go untold or altered to fit societal molds.

As I reflect on Jo’s journey and the paths of her sisters, I feel a renewed sense of encouragement. It’s okay to want different things at different stages of life, and it’s okay to change your mind. The essence of empowerment lies in making those choices for yourself, knowing that no matter what path you take, it’s yours to walk with pride.

In the end, Little Women isn’t just a story about four sisters growing up; it’s a celebration of womanhood in all its forms. It’s a reminder that us women are all equally strong and how beautiful it is to be free and unique.

Author's note: Anemoia is a word used by the visual artist John Koenig to describe the sense of longing for a time in history that you have never personally lived through. Anemoia involves a wistful nostalgia for a bygone era or lifestyle that you did not directly experience, but feel drawn to through cultural references, media portrayals, or imaginative speculation. It is a kind of vicarious, imagined nostalgia for a past that exists only in one's mind rather than personal memory.

[moonlayl]

for the five things ask, 5 aos episodes:

Nothing personal (1x20)

Melinda (2x17)

Spacetime (3x15)

The Ghost (4x01)

Fun and Games (5x06)

Ooh, this is a good one! (also not me remembering everything about those episodes immediately 😂)

Anyway, I love every single one of these episodes so much, but I’m going to have to rank them, aren’t I?

So…for some of these, if you’d ask me this right after I finished watching the whole show, before any rewatches, I would’ve placed them higher. But going back and rewatching, while I still love the episodes, they’re greater when it’s the first time you’re seeing it, so I’m ranking based on what I like now, and what I would want to rewatch (and edit. And write fics about) now.

1. The Ghost (4.01)

It’s the one that’s easiest to rewatch. The angst is >>>> (I love it when my faves suffer) and it’s when Robbie first appears. We get Daisy and Elena interacting. We get a feel of what Daisy’s been going through (she’s a vigilante now!!!) and all of Ghost Rider’s scenes aren’t just mesmerizing to look at (seriously, flaming skull looks so good) but Gabriel Luna is such a good actor. We’re back to “Coulson is no longer director” which I LOVE, because it brings back certain obstacles from s1, where the team actually had to go BEHIND the director in order to save people, and Coulson is more of a rebel. Elena was just amazing in that episode. I love Daisy’s beanie. I love all of Daisy’s badass scenes and powers, and I love all her scenes with Robbie. There was a “mystery” feel to s4, and it started with the first episode. It was like a new era of the show beginning and the start of something new :)

2. Melinda (2.17)

We finally learn May’s backstory. Everything about those flashbacks, seeing more of Andrew (and Mildrew), seeing May from before, her fight scenes, her humour, and than the horrifying realization that it was the little girl the entire time? Holy crap, that was good, and completely makes everything we knew about May before, make sense. It was also very smart, the way it connected back to inhumans. Almost every mystery of s1 was connected, and idk but that was very satisfying to watch.

In the same episode, we get Daisy and Jiaying. (Which before s7 came out, I wouldn’t have been as appreciative of, but now I am.) Daisy finds her mom, after a lifetime of searching (and Jiaying finds her daughter, after decades). Unlike when she first comes face to face with her dad, her scene with Jiaying was so emotional, so beautiful, and they were both crying (which made me want to cry). We also get a little call back to s1 Daisy.

“Hoping for something and losing it, hurts more than never hoping for anything” (s1) and “deep down I think you knew [that I’m your mother]” “I was too afraid to hope” (s2)

Daisy opens up about her past a bit, about being sent away, about never spending more than 2 years anywhere (and she’s probably also emotional because she lost shield) which is also similar to that scene in s1, where she mentions she called a foster mom “mom” and how she gets sent away (but in this scene, she actually finds her mom!!!) it’s just…so bittersweet and amazing. Jiaying makes her promises (that she doesn’t keep, but they were GOOD in the moment) and Daisy finally feels at home in Afterlife. Jiaying helps her with her powers, and Daisy actually starts to control them without hurting herself. The “I moved a mountain scene”!!! Jiaying explaining Daisy’s powers, Lincoln being a sweetheart, Daisy making music. It was a good episode!

3. Spacetime (3.15)

Despite s3 being my least favourite season, (no matter the amount of meta I read or how often I rewatch episodes) this episode is one that I really love. I love how Daisy centric it is.

The entire thing about seeing visions and trying to prevent them from happening and being confused about them all, but each one making sense in the end? It was really well written.

The fact that it involves the whole team, that scene between Daisy and Coulson before she heads off. Coulson shooting the mirror, and us realizing it wouldn’t have made sense if he’d actually shot her! Coulson trying so hard to prevent it all (and failing spectacularly)

Daisy’s promise to protect Robin, how each scene led to the next, the final vision that leads to the rest of the season (who will die?) Daisy and May’s parallel fight scenes!

The entire team bonding while attempting to set up Daisy’s vision and act it out (that was so good!!) Fitz trying to explain science stuff but doing a terrible job, and he and Simmons disagreeing!

The whole first scene with the man calling out Daisy’s name and then dying in front of Daisy and her absolute horror and fear once she realizes the actual inhuman man was in danger. (Lincoln being very 💕 and holding her and trying to help her when she panics)

Many others have talked about this episode and why it’s so good (I haven’t done as good of a job 😅) but yeah it was just a really good episode. How it was written, and shot, and how each scene leads to the next, and how much focus Daisy got.

4. Nothing Personal (1.20)

I thought it would’ve been higher up in the list, because it has one of my favourite daisy scenes ever, but oh well.

I’m just going to talk about that scene specifically. One thing I will always love about this show and give it so much credit for, is how they DIDN’T make their female hero and protagonist “forgive” the terrible “misunderstood” attractive male character, or compromise her morals because she has feelings for him. Daisy cared for him, yes, but him ending up being a traitor, killing Koenig, and being HYDRA, was crossing a line, and immediately caused her to push him away and not want anything to do with him, her feelings be damned. Even after he admitted that he DOES actually care for her, her reaction is to turn away and say “I think I’m going to throw up” WHICH MAKES SENSE!!! That’s how a normal person would react to finding out a murderer and traitor has feelings for them. Ward’s look of utter shock and disbelief will NEVER not be funny. I’m so so glad the writers made THAT be her reaction (it was the moment I truly realized she wasn’t going to be written like all those other female protagonists written by men) because it was needed. Even despite the amount of Skyeward skippers, and despite the fact that them as a couple was something clearly the show was leading up to, they had her reject him (and keep rejecting him).

I loved when she hit him and insulted him. When she refused to help him, and her look of disgust and shock when he started going on and on about how “difficult it was for him”, 10/10!!

Her lines: “you did NOT just say that. It wasn’t PERSONAL? God, you might actually believe that. THAT, is the twisted logic they teach you even you sign up to be a nazi.”

and “I’m a survivor” “You are a serial killer”

and “because that was part of the mission, right? Just gonna kick back, and watch ME bleed, until it’s your turn to pull the trigger”

were perfect! Such perfect lines!! I was mentally applauding every word she said, every expression she made, that entire episode.

5. Fun & Games (5.06)

Unpopular opinion, I know, but I actually really loved and enjoyed the first half of s5. It’s disappointing what happened later, but that first half? Amazing. (Not many would agree lol)

In this episode, we finally get multiple reunions after the team’s been separated. It’s super easy to rewatch, feels fun (even while there are high stakes) and I just loved every moment. Daisy’s entire new look, and the arena fight. She looked so good and was such a badass. May also gets an arena fight, and like Daisy, was super badass despite being INJURED and having no powers! That whole scene where Daisy flies, Jemma slits a man’s throat, jumps with Fitz and they land and than all three run off to try and escape? It was amazing. Then they run into Deke, and both fitz and simmons are like immediately defending Daisy (for one episode, I thought fitz and simmons were back to being characters I enjoyed watching. I loved the dynamic between those three in that one episode alone). It was just really cool and the first time I watched it, I was definitely grinning because FINALLY Daisy and Jemma aren’t stuck with Kasius anymore.

So yeah, that’s my ranking. (I write too much XD) this was fun, thank you!

[kuroopaisen]

10:31 pm || miya osamu

➵ osamu won’t stop making his damn onigiri. 

wc: 1400

warnings: gn!reader, the slightest bit suggestive  

a/n: @starrysamu i’ll be honest, it’s a while since i’ve written something and been happy with it. but i wanted to give you something on your birthday to say thank you for being so lovely to me :( (i know i’m technically late but shhh...) you’ve been so kind to me, and i can’t thank you enough for all the light you’ve brought into my life (both intentionally and inadvertently). and i know i’m not the only one -- you’ve brought life and laughter to so many people’s lives, and i just want you to know how loved and appreciated you are. this was originally planned as a fluffvember piece dedicated to you but Stuff Happened and it never got written and try as i might, this was the most i could drag together in celebration for remy day. i’m so sorry i couldn’t do more, but regardless i hope you had the best day possible :( i adore you

“Osamu,” you huff, butting his arm with your head.

He ignores you.

“Osamu,” you whine, a little louder this time.

He continues to ignore you, moulding a rice ball with both hands.

You duck down and pop back up between his arms.

Osamu bites back a smile this time, but once again – he ignores you.

You know he’s doing it on purpose. He’s not like his brother; he doesn’t get so lost in what he’s doing that he completely loses track of his surroundings. No, he’s doing this to wind you up. Because you’ve made it too obvious that you want his attention.

Although, you don’t usually have to fight for it.

He’s not the kind of guy to spend a lot of his free time ‘doing’ things. Time at home is time to relax. If he wants to play around with recipes, then he’ll just stay an extra hour at work. If he needs to work off some steam, he’ll go to the gym. Time at home is time to relax – or, more aptly put, time to annoy you.

But sometimes, Osamu’ll be consumed by a relentless urge to create. All he wants to do is make new combinations of ingredients, stuffing his onigiri full of stuff that you wouldn’t possibly think would go together. But Osamu seems to have a sixth sense for this sort of thing; even the strangest sounding combinations end up being surprisingly satisfying.

You’re not about to complain about this quirk of his. You’re his trusty taste-tester, the lab rat for all his new creations. That’s quite the honour – one of the benefits of being part of Osamu’s life. The whole ‘having a professional chef prepare you dinner every night’ is also pretty good.

(You joked, once, that the only reason you kept him around was because he was just so damn good at cooking.

He’d been so genuinely pouty about it that for a moment it felt like you were talking to his brother).

But tonight, that stroke of creativity had hit at nine in the evening. And honestly, you can only eat so much rice.

He’s been at it for the past hour or so, throwing together this and that while a gentle Spotify playlist provides ambient noise. It’s the sort of music you’d listen to in an attempt to wind down – something that’s certainly not doing much for your fatigue.

“I’m tired,” you mumble, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest. He’s warm, like he always is. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to sleep as soundly as you do with him next to you. He’s too much of a fixture in your life now. Too much of a comfort.

Osamu chuckles, his thumbs smoothing languid circles over your waist. “It’s only ten at night.”

“I know,” you whine, lifting your head up to look at him.

Frankly, he should be glad you’re tired this early. Kita’s always chided you for your erratic sleep schedule, and Osamu’s been given a talk or two about how he should be looking after you better.

“Osamu,” you huff, pouring all your menace into that one word.

It’s not very effective.

“Hm?” He sounds amused more than anything.

“Please come to bed.”

A familiar grin crosses his face. “Want me that bad, huh?”

You butt his chest with enough force to knock him backwards. “Shut up.”

He’s not wrong, but it’s certainly not what’s on your mind right now. And he knows that.

“Ah, so you’re not denying it,” he grins. Stupid relentless Osamu.

You punch him in the stomach with what might just be the world’s weakest fist.

“You’ll have to try harder than that,” Osamu chuckles, shaking his head.

You pout up at him, doing your best to look as pitiful as possible.

“You can’t fool me,” he grins.

It’s true. Osamu knows you well; some would say too well. But that’s what you get, being romantically involved for so long. And while he may know you well enough to save himself the burden of feeling guilty in the face of your faux misery, you also have a carefully catalogued library of every lame and embarrassing thing he’s ever said.

It’s a fair enough trade.

One song ends and another begins.

It’s similar in style to the one before – a soft tune, an indistinct voice crooning over the music, a soothing yet bittersweet tone underlying the tune.

Osamu stills, a strange tenderness melting over his face. He slips one arm around your waist, making sure that his hand stays away from your shirt. It’s still covered in the gelatinous residue of the rice.

“Didn’t this play at your sister’s wedding?” He asks softly.

You nod. He remembers that? Hell, it’d taken you a moment to rifle through your (admittedly hazy) memories of that event to try and recall if this song had even been on the playlist.

Osamu reaches for one of your hands, lacing his sticky fingers with yours. You open your mouth to protest, but before you can his other hand slips round to hold your waist.

“But my shirt,” you whine, well-aware that you’re going to have to change it before going to bed. Unless you wanted gritty bits of dried rice to work its way onto your sheets, of course.

“Just borrow one of mine,” Osamu mumbles, leaning forward and kissing your forehead.

Your lips are free, but it feels like he’s sealed them shut.

Osamu isn’t a man of many words. But he is a man of gentle touches, quiet moments, little affections you might miss if you’re not watching closely enough.

He pulls you towards him, taking a step away from the kitchen countertop. You almost stumble as you let him lead you in the sway of the music. He’s a bit off beat, but he’s never been very good at keeping to one. You remember having to learn ballroom dancing in P.E.; for all his innate talent at volleyball, Osamu has none for dancing.

If he cares about that, he makes no indication. He just holds you close to him, fingers digging into your waist gently as he moves. You lean into him, resting your cheek against his chest.

The song ambles on, an offbeat soundtrack to this tiny tenderness.

You pull your head back and look up to him.

He’s smiling.

It’s not his usual smile, that lazy, sardonic half-smirk. It’s gentle, fond, loving. It’s a smile you don’t get to see often – and one you certainly don’t get to see in public. But it’s another tiny sign that he loves you; a sign that he trusts you with all his vulnerability, even if he can’t put it into words.

He leans in and you wonder if he’s going to kiss you.

“Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs, breath tickling your ear.

“What about the mess?” You ask, turning to look at the kitchen as if he hadn’t just made your heart race.

There’s rice everywhere, wrapped in seaweed and in bowls and in flecks all over the counter. You’re sure you’ve never seen this much rice before in your whole entire life – and you’ve cooked for Osamu’s high school volleyball team before.

“I’ll deal with it in the morning,” Osamu says, totally unbothered.

“But ants,” you pout, eyes anxiously scanning the wide variety of perishables strewn over the kitchen. Something’s going to go off by the morning. And that isn’t even accounting for the hoard of uneaten onigiri stacked up in a Tupperware container.

“It’ll be fine,” Osamu shrugs, tugging you out of the kitchen.

“No, it won’t!”

“We haven’t had ants yet.”

“You still shouldn’t leave food out overnight—”

Osamu chuckles, sealing your lips with a kiss. It’s not just any kiss, either; he kisses you exactly how you like to be kissed, in the way that always makes you tick. Unfortunately, it’s an effective way of shutting you up.

Stupid Osamu and his underhanded tricks. He knows just what makes you tick, just how to get under your skin.

But being known is a part of being loved. It means having every little thing about you tucked neatly in someone else’s memory, regardless of if you want it to be or not. Words barely matter. In most cases, they don’t.

It’s a fact you just have to come to terms with.

Osamu already has.

[onewomancitadel]

I read a fic out of curiosity today and it had a bittersweet ending. I had this really childish moment where I felt like the past few hours were a waste of time, not really because I expect all fics to have a happy ending (there was another I read recently where it seemed like a painful one was coming) but because the romantic framing seemed to indicate there was going to be some hopeful resolution - for that matter, the ending involves a huge time-skip.

I don't really want to be mean about the fic - it wasn't a waste of time - but it did make me think about bittersweet endings and what does and doesn't make them work. Often times bittersweet endings come with loaded, covert cynical messaging - happy endings aren't realistic. It's less related to the themes and what endings should serve a story and more that you need to make a profound statement about stories needing to be more realistic.

But what should bittersweet really be? In those cases, it can mean that the goals of the story aren't met at all, and that loses sight of the sweet in bitter. The problem there isn't even that bitterness itself is bad, but that you need to be committed and conclude your ideas properly.

Bittersweet shouldn't look like tragedy, in saying that. The most successful tragedy is self-assured and inevitable; it does what it's supposed to do. So I think the types of endings that really stick to me are ones which are a manic drive to destruction or a total celebration.

But I guess, what was emotionally unsuccesful about that fic I read? (Not in any fandoms of anyone here). I think it was because the two had worked very hard to be together, and it was very romantic, and there was a timeskip which completely jumped over the development of their relationship. It sort of felt like the carpet had been pulled underneath me - if you thought this was going to be happy, it wasn't. It's impossible to please every reader/viewer, that's a given - but on the other hand I really wonder what was the intent here... it landed more on bitter than it did sweet.

(Spoilers for the German TV show Dark oncoming). A series which I think did a bittersweet ending probably perfectly is Dark. I think it's totally triumphant and beautiful with room for hope and involves my ideal kind of absolution. Symbolically it's also got Jung and the monomyth interwoven with it, which with the romantic, inter-world melodrama is very exciting. It's the endgame I wish I would get from the couple bringing back the Elixir of Life to the community which even the-blueprint monomyth Star Wars failed to do. The entire last scene of Jonas and Martha together... I was like heaving-sobbing.

In that case I think it's cartharis. It answers everything it set out to answer and more. It's exactly what it needs to be and it's perfect. I'm probably going to nurse Dark to my chest for the near future just because Star Wars wents so tits-up and who nose what's in stall for my other favourite shows (ha). It's just nice to have that, and it's so funny to think the ending is salvific but it's also very painful, but it's so, so, so much more moving and poignant than any other bland, cynical ending in recent years.

Yes I know about Martha and Jonas' complicated relations but a) it's obviously metaphorical - ouroboros, b) it's taking cues from Romantic literature pretty clearly - forbidden love, c) it's something which is messed up (villains) which becomes curative and healing (heroes), d) you can like things which are bad, it's okay.

[jazze-bee]

This doesn’t have to be a drama. Stephen has made a healthy decision. Support him, not attack Danplan.

I feel nothing but pain. 

Don’t attack Daniel or anyone else from Danplan. 

Support Stephen. 

He’s thought about this long and hard, and he’s made the decision to leave. DON’T drag him back into this with nonsensical drama! He does NOT want to hurt anybody! 

This was initially going to be a ‘support Stephen’ post but it turned into a ‘don’t attack Danplan’ post. 

I’ve been watching Danplan for a year and they’re my all time favourite Youtube channel. I loved everything about them. They made me laugh so much. I honestly can’t remember a time I laughed harder than when I first watched their RPG videos. They brought me nothing but happiness, and for a year every time they uploaded I would instantly brighten up, no matter how down in the dumps I was. 

Stephen was always my favourite. His personality was unique. I’d never seen anything quite like him. He was dark, narcissistic, violent, flamboyant, smart, competitive, wild and fun. I loved Danplan because (as Stephen said in his video) their personalities worked so well together. But I thought Stephen was still the best. 

I was super hyped this morning when I checked to see if Danplan had uploaded and their new Superhero video was up. So I watched that and had fun. And then I saw Stephen’s video in the recommended. At first, I didn’t really believe it. When I clicked his video the first thing I did was pause and scroll down into the comments, and although they didn’t 100% confirm it, I began to realise that this video was serious. Then, I watched the video. 

It was very heartbreaking. I was disheartened that Stephen would no longer be in Danplan, but I was able to deal with the fact that he was leaving. I mostly felt bad for Stephen. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Even though I’m sad, I fully 100% support Stephen. His well-being comes first, absolutely, no questions asked. It’ll take a while to get used to Stephen’s absence, but I’m glad he’s still staying on Actually Stephen. We aren’t losing him. 

When I returned to the Superhero video, I scrolled into the comments, and it was filled with people attacking Daniel. I mean, it was mostly “STEPHEN ISN’T AN EMPLOYEE HE’S A FRIEND”, so I thought, ‘it could’ve been worse’. Still it made me uncomfortable. 

But things are getting worse. People are really attacking them now. Danplan has lost a ton of subscribers and their latest video has over 8k dislikes. Youtube is their income. Stephen said not to accuse anyone until we get both sides of the story and I agree. The fans are turning this into drama when it didn’t have to be. Even Hosuh and the animators are getting caught in the crossfire. One of my favourite things about Danplan was that there wasn’t any drama. But of course, the channel grew huge and I’ve learned that rarely ends well. 

It’s only been several hours but things are already taking a turn for the worse. Please please please stop while the problem is still minimal. Worst case scenario, Danplan can’t continue, and everyone involved loses their jobs, all because Stephen wanted to make a healthy decision for the sake of his own well-being. 

We haven’t got all the sides of the story. From what Stephen has said, it sounds like Daniel messed up big time, but it’s evident from many videos that Daniel works really, really hard. Based on Stephen’s video, Daniel did something bad. Really bad. Stephen’s been really messed up by it, and there’s no excuse for hurting someone else in such a way. But please wait. We can work this out. 

What Daniel did to Stephen was wrong, but in his defence (despite him having not responded yet) Daniel works unbelievably hard. He comes up with all these video ideas and scripts them out and runs the whole show, while dealing with lots of classes. In one video he was bleeding from overworking, and he’s doing this all for us. In comparison to all that, Stephen just having to show up to recordings must’ve seemed minimal to him in comparison. Although, saying he contributed less than 1% was definitely messed up. As well as saying he was nothing but an employee. But again, with the whole ‘you’re just an employee’ thing. They were in a serious fight. We often say things we don’t mean. It was a single sentence, possibly said in the heat of the moment. He probably doesn’t even remember saying it. I remember a time my mum said something that stuck with me for years, and when I finally brought it up again, mum was horrified, and apologised. If Daniel genuinely meant what he said then... he’s completely in the wrong. But I’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt and wait for his response. 

I’m definitely not saying Daniel was right. Based on what Stephen said in his video, he did something he absolutely should not have. Something that hurt Stephen immensely, and it’s possible that he’s also affecting others. But please remember that Daniel is human. We can’t immediately assume that he’s the incarnation of evil. Let’s not blow this out of proportion. Stephen wants to leave, so let him. Let him move on. I don’t want to lose their channel. They CAN’T lose their channel. If Daniel’s attitude turns out to be a serious lingering problem that’s effecting others as well, and he refuses to put any effort into fixing it, then it becomes a problem. But. we. don’t. know. that. yet. 

We want Stephen to be happy, and yet we are doing the opposite by starting a war. This is definitely a complicated situation, but it’s also very personal. Let them work it out. Don’t send hate, send support. Delete your hate posts. Don’t ‘defend’ Stephen. Support Stephen. Love Stephen. Let him know we’ve got his back and agree with his decision. We’re all upset deep down, but you know what? I prefer a sad, bittersweet fandom to an enraged, hate-filled fandom. 

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #5: Rainbow

BJYX Song Series List

Disclaimer: This is all my own speculation. Do not take seriously.

After two bittersweet songs from dd, time we start our heart-wrenching journey with gg. 

The song “Rainbow” by Fish Leong was sang by gg during a bts that was filmed on dd’s birthday (160 minutes 1 year anniversary bts.) Right before he sang this, dd’s assistant was called about some “arrangement.” We have no idea what the arrangement is but we know it involves dd arranging something for gg because the assistant asked gg “arrange what?” and then gg responded with “Lao-Wang (dd) wanted you to arrange.” Then the assistant said “Oh, you guys are in such a hurry about it, I thought it was something super important.” Gg then repeated “No, Lao-wang wanted you to arrange it.” The poor assistant then said “I arranged it.” And gg responded “You arranged it, I got it.” Then dd chimed in “I already arranged it for you, why don’t you understand.” Then dd and his assistant started talking about his manager coming. The camera then panned to gg who started singing this song. 

So from this exchange, we don’t know what they were arranging. It’s possible that it’s something like a type of food that dd wanted his assistant to give gg. But does this require them to confirm with the assistant that it’s already arranged? So it must be more important than snacks. On the flip side, the assistant seem to think the arrangement isn’t super urgent, which tells us that it’s not some super important job-related issue. Thus, from eliminating other hypothesis, my personal theory is that they were talking about dinner, more specifically dd’s birthday dinner that he wants to spend with gg since that was the day of his birthday.

So if they’re spending dd’s birthday night together and it’s all loving and sweet, why would gg sing such a sad song at the moment? There are multiple things happening at this moment. CQL filming is coming to an end and ggdd no longer have an official reason to be together all the time anymore. In addition, they will need to leave their roles as WWX and LWJ. I’m unsure of ggdd’s relationship at this point. I think it’s either still flirting/two-sided crush without clear confession or very early stage of a very immature relationship. Either way, even though gg already confirmed his inner feelings on 622, the relationship, or lack of an official one, is at a point that will make him feel insecure. I think this is true for the start of every early relationship. You’re very happy and excited that you’re together. But because you love the other person so that that you’re also afraid of losing them and thus become insecure on the inside.  I think this song “Rainbow” perfectly describes this fear of loss feeling. 

坐在浴缸里，莲蓬头。(Sitting in the bathtub, with shower head on.)

代替我哭泣，像下雨。 (It [shower water] is substituting for my tears, just like the rain.) 其实我不知道，眼泪有没有流。(Actually I don’t know, if my tears are coming out) 就像这故事中，你有没有爱过我。(Just like in this story, whether you truly loved me or not.)

When gg started singing, he sang the two bolded lines. I’m not sure if he kept singing because the camera was cut off. It’s possible they cut it because the next line was too obvious. While he was singing, he did look over at dd.

I find it interesting that he didn’t start in the beginning of the song. Usually when we think of a song, we either start singing in the beginning or at the chorus. But gg started in the middle of a stance, in the middle of a sentence! Why? This tells us this particular line stood out to him. Obviously, gg wasn’t crying at the time, at least not visibly. Is he saying that even though you don’t see his tears, he’s sad on the inside? The line “in this story” is also significant. The story can mean the story of CQL, as the story of WWX and LWJ are coming to an end. It can also mean the story of their summer together. Gg described the filming of CQL before as a “dream.” Is he scare this chapter of his life is closing and he has to let go of something, someone, or a relationship? Then the next line “whether you truly loved me or not” can be gg questioning whether his relationship with dd is based on LWJ and WWX’s relationship. To me, gg is almost asking if dd ever loved him in this summer of filming and that he’s content if he did, even if their relationship doesn’t last afterwards.

虚弱的窗帘，留不住。(Weak curtains, can’t hold on.)

房里的黑夜，也要走。(Darkness in the room, also need to leave.)

清晨唤醒了我，照亮昨夜的梦，(Dawn woke me up, shining on last night’s dream)

一直到这时候，才开始有一点懂。(It is not until now, I finally start to understand a bit)

The first three line is describing waking up from a dark night. It feels like the person is trying to keep a dark feeling bundled up but reality is shining light on that darkness and forcing them to come out. It’s like coming back to their real lives, in modern clothing, that this reality is waking gg up from his dream. But his dream with dd should be happy right? Why is it dark? I think it’s dark not because it’s a nightmare, but because his feelings about it aren’t clear. He feels like the relationship isn’t grounded and thus it feels “dark.” This is also why reality is like sunlight, exposing their muddled, unclear relationship. There’s a word in Chinese call “曖昧 (ai mei)” that perfectly describe this feeling of excitement mixed with sad uncertainty people have in an ambiguous time of a relationship.

The last line talks about finally able to understand something, but the song doesn’t tell us what that something is. I think to gg, he’s starting to make plans of what to do with his feelings and relationship with dd after filming. He’s starting to understand how to sort out whether their relationship is real or if it’s affected by the summer. (Spoiler alert, he went to Japan and had weak contact with dd for awhile to try to get out of his role. I believe there was also a period in late 2018 where they didn’t really talk but they finally sort out their feelings in 2019). 

你的爱就像彩虹，雨后的天空。(Your love is like a rainbow, the sky after rain.)

绚烂却教人迷惑，蓝绿黄红。(It’s gorgeous yet perplexing, blue, green, yellow, and red.)

Here, the song tells us that the love, the relationship is beautiful, just like a “rainbow” so we know that the “darkness” we talked about before is not that the love isn’t beautiful. It’s a rainbow that comes after the rain, which usually represent tears and sadness. So we know that this love is bittersweet. It’s also “gorgeous yet perplexing”, furthering emphasizing the ambiguity of the relationship. Here, four colors in the rainbow are described. Here’s my analysis of the color: “blue” is LWJ, “green” is dd, “yellow” is a combination of ggdd, and “red” is both gg and WWX. People often say that ggdd are in a four-way relationship with WWX and LWJ. These 4 colors perfectly describe the harmony yet dissonance we see building this “rainbow” of a relationship. While the 4 can make up a relationship, they’re ultimately still separate colors and we want the harmony of “yellow”, not a mix of the other three colors. 

Side note, there are many motifs that come up in songs gg choose. “Blue” and “green” are colors that repeat. The word “summer”, “wind/breeze”, “dream” and “loneliness” also tend to show up. This paints us a picture the scenery that gg is trying to describe. To him, this relationship is a picture of a summer day with gentle breeze, with blue sky and green fields and it’s like a dream. Doesn’t this scene look just like the hills we see in the Untamed? It’s probably also why “blue sky white cloud” is a symbol of love to ggdd. (I swear the motifs in songs gg pick are more consistent than some literature I read in high school.)

你的爱就像彩虹，我张开了手。(Your love is like a rainbow, I open my hands.)

Oh！却只能抱住风。(Oh! I could only embrace the wind.)

In this part of the song, even though the love is beautiful like a rainbow, the person can only hold on to the wind, and not the beautiful rainbow. Why wind? I think it’s because “wind” is fleeting, like the quickly passing by and leaving love. That’s how I think gg feels about this relationship, it’s beautiful yet ephemeral. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。(Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力揣摩，越是搞不懂。(The more I want to understand, the less I understand.)

只好慢慢承认，这故事叫做错。(I can only slowly admit, that this story is wrong.)

This part of the song is probably the saddest. It describes a relationship so uncertain that it’s painful. It’s possible that gg feel like his relationship has a lot of push and pull. Sometimes they’re super close and happy, yet other times he’s unsure if it’s true love. The reason I say this is that in another song that dd later share, he also described this feeling of push and pull, uncertain of how close they should be. (Yes, foreshadowing a future analysis.) I think many relationships have this period of ups and down. The end talks about how this “story is wrong.” Does gg think he’s wrong about how dd feels about him in this relationship? I don’t think so. But I think he feels like it’s “wrong” because he’s not sure what’s “right” or how to make it “right.”

Oh！一层一层，一层一层，一层一层，又一层层，的迷宫，我来不及回头。 (Oh many many many many many many, [and another] many layers of a maze, I don’t have enough time to look back.) Oh！忽左忽右，忽上忽下，忽东忽西，忽前忽后，的折磨，都是你的捉弄。(Oh sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes east, sometimes west, sometimes forward, sometimes back, the pain, it’s all your trick.)

This part was really hard to translate because the song was trying to use fast repetition to mimic the feeling of agitation you feel from being lost in an ambiguous relationship. The person is completely lost inside the maze created by the person they love. So does dd create a maze for gg to decipher? I don’t think so. We all know that dd is straightforward with his feelings. But gg still feel like he’s trapped in a maze because there are too many outside factors that can ruin this relationship. 

吻我离开我，你就像。(Kiss me and then leave me. You are like)

出太阳下雨，难捉摸。 (Sun comes out, rain falls, hard to decipher.)

越是努力挽留，越是一无所有。(The more I want you to stay, the more likely I would end up with nothing.)

只好慢慢期待，雨后你的影踪。(All I can do is to look forward to your shadow after the rain.)

I think the last two lines fits gg’s personality and his feelings that we have discussed before in “If I were a song” perfectly. Gg’s love the type that creates a secure home for the other person, and is willing to wait for them, not asking to bind them right now. So he knows the more he wants dd to “stay” and forced a relationship after they’re done filming to be just like when they’re filming, thee more likely it will end badly. This is one of the most mature ways I’ve seen someone deal with relationship. I feel like too many people are obsessed with “we were once this way or that way” so when the environment changed, you can’t accept that the relationship may change and constantly try to live up to a past memory (I myself fell victim to this once.) So gg knows that in order for the relationship to be stable, he must be mature and wait for dd to come back to him on his own. This is because he knows his own feelings for dd will not change. After the “rain”, the dark ambiguous feeling that is muddle by filming, is over, if the relationship last, gg know dd will come back to him.

I definitely think gg is more secure and mature in this relationship than dd. But he still have uncertainty he has to face. He also can’t 100% predict what dd is thinking or feeling. He’s probably also worry that dd is too young and may change or regret his decision later. In both “If I were a song” and “Rainbow”, we see gg giving dd the space to choose the type of relationship and how the relationship will develop. A lot of people believe that dd likes gg more because he’s more straightfoward and obvious about it. But I actually think, that gg loves dd just as much, if not even more because gg is constantly thinking about this relationship realistically and trying to plan for the best, realistic future for both of them. Happy early 23rd birthday dd! I hope after two years, the ephemeral rainbow has turn into an eternal yellow ray of sunshine. 

[paladin-lynx]

SquipJere Week 2020, Day 1: Retro

@squipjerebmc’s SquipJere Week 2020 Day 1: Retro

Ships Involved: The SQUIP x Jeremy Heere (Technical Difficulties/Squipemy/Squeremy/JereSquip/SquipJere)

Setting: Canonverse, set in the time interval between “Loser Geek Whatever” and “Halloween”.

Trigger/Content Warnings: Non-graphic mentions of masturbation; electric shocks

Author’s Notes: Happy SquipJere Week! I meant to get these done like a month ago so I could pre-plan and not rush, but my writing motivation has been kinda low lately. But I’m still gonna try my best to get a piece out for each day! Some of these might be loosely connected – I haven’t decided yet. But I hope you enjoy!

Sometimes, teenage boys needed an escape from the crazy, loud world around them.

Jeremiah Heere had always had three main methods of just forgetting about his problems for a little while: jerking off, talking to Michael, or playing video games.

But considering with the introduction of a supercomputer into his brain the first two options weren’t actually options anymore, he had to settle for the third.

It wasn’t like Jeremy had any shortage of games to play, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t play them without a Player Two – although normally he was the Player Two. But there was definitely something bittersweet about not being able to call up his long-time friend and lose themselves together in the mindless images on the TV screen.

But it was for the best, Jeremy reminded himself. When he reunited with Michael, he’d be better. He’d be cooler. And he could potentially help his friend move up from just being the weirdo loser headphones kid at school. But for now, he needed to break the chains in order to upgrade.

So for now, to try and stave off the nerves that often decided to just rise up out of nowhere – honestly, why was the human brain so stupid sometimes? Jeremy could see why his SQUIP often got frustrated with him – he flopped back onto his bed and booted up his trusty old Game Boy Color. He was still surprised it had survived this long, but unlike other things in his life, Jeremy was actually quite careful when it came to tending to his video games and their respective consoles. Maybe he’d only started being so careful after an unfortunate accident involving a slushie and Michael’s Dreamcast, but even so – now he was careful.

He quickly forgot that anything outside of his game existed, eyes glued to the screen as he tapped away at the controls. All was peaceful for a good while before he felt a familiar buzz at the back of his head and a certain Keanu Reeves lookalike appeared standing over him, frowning thoughtfully.

“Out of all of your video game systems, you chose to play that one?”

Jeremy’s gaze swiveled over to the SQUIP. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s so…” The SQUIP hummed, and Jeremy could all but feel it searching for the right word to use. “…retro.”

“…Is that a bad thing?”

The SQUIP tutted at him. “Technology evolves so quickly nowadays. You may be looked down upon if you don’t keep up with it, or if you are still attached to the older, menial versions of things.”

Jeremy’s brow furrowed. “…Is that part of why Mic—” He caught himself. He wasn’t supposed to bring a certain someone up. “…uh, why people think I’m so weird?”

“A small part.” The SQUIP offered him a sympathetic smile, although Jeremy was pretty sure the look in the SQUIP’s eyes was more amused than anything else. “You do get quite a few of your odder interests from Michael. It’s another reason why we needed to get you away from him. We’re modernizing everything about you, from your fashion sense to your hobbies.”

Jeremy sat up more on the bed, setting the Game Boy aside for the time being. As argumentative as he could sometimes be with his SQUIP, he was nothing if not eager to learn and improve. It was why he asked so many questions. “But even Rich plays video games, and he’s considered cool.”

“Ah.” The SQUIP raised a finger. “But he plays recent games. I don’t believe Rich will use a system if it is more than a few years old, and he invests his money to buy new consoles as soon as they come out. Of course, he prefers ‘more mature’ systems like the Xbox, but that’s personal preference. You having an affinity for Nintendo is harmless, but it would be better for you to pick, say, the Switch over…” He waved over at the Game Boy with a slight grimace. “…that.”

Jeremy frowned, peeking down at his innocent Game Boy before looking up at the SQUIP again. “But…does it matter if I’m only playing the older stuff by myself? It isn’t like anyone will know.”

The SQUIP shook its head. “Everything you do, whether alone or with company, will somehow reflect back on you. Besides, if you have a girl in here one day, what would she think? What if Brooke ends up coming over?”

“I don’t think Brooke would care…”

The SQUIP sighed, pinching the bridge of its nose. “You’re awfully intent on this, dear. These ‘retro’ pastimes of yours are still a consequence of your proximity to Michael. If you’re truly cutting him out, then you have to give up these things, too.”

Jeremy’s cheeks warmed indignantly. “I like them for myself, not just because of him!”

The SQUIP huffed, turning its gaze unto the Game Boy, looking down at it as if it were a bug it was getting ready to squish under its sleek digitized boots. “I don’t see the appeal in such outdated hardware.”

Jeremy picked up the Game Boy and held it against his chest like he was trying to protect it from the SQUIP’s scrutiny. “Clearly you understand some appeal to older things, considering that when I first got you, you looked like Keanu from Bill & Ted.”

The SQUIP narrowed its eyes. “Only my face. The rest of me was more advanced. I tailored my aesthetics so that I’d look like someone you’d pay attention to. Someone you’d find intriguing.” It smirked slightly. “Dare I say, attractive.”

Jeremy’s face warmed again and he sputtered for a moment. “M-my point is that just because I like vintage stuff in the comfort of my own home doesn’t mean I can’t be cool!”

“I’ll say again, I can’t comprehend your attachment to such old technology. The games from those consoles absolutely pale in comparison to anything made now.”

Jeremy shrugged. “It isn’t necessarily about them being good. It’s the nostalgia of it. AotD has been out for years but w—I never get tired of it.”

The SQUIP hummed, once again looking at the Game Boy now pressed against Jeremy’s chest. “What is it that you’re even playing?” Jeremy opened his mouth to answer, but the SQUIP rolled its eyes before he could even say anything. “Hamtaro, Jeremy? Really?”

“Oh, shove off! I told you, it’s for the nostalgia!” Jeremy defended. He realized he’d raised his voice and braced himself for a shock, but all he got was a tingle of static rushing down his spine, making him shiver and blush again. He lay back down, electing to ignore his SQUIP and return to his game of, yes, Hamtaro.

He could still see the SQUIP’s tall frame out of the corner of his eye, watching, tilting its head to the side in that almost endearing way that meant it was analyzing something. But when it didn’t do anything else, Jeremy just focused on the screen before him, clicking at the controls once more.

“Up up down down left right A.”

Jeremy yipped softly as pain flared in the back of his head and he moved one hand to immediately clutch at the tender spot. He looked over to the SQUIP with wide eyes, about to demand what the hell it was doing, only to blink when he realized it was no longer standing there.

“What the fuck?” he mumbled, brow creasing before he slowly turned back to his Game Boy. However, as he pressed one of the buttons, the screen fizzled and the handheld became dangerously hot in his hands, making him gasp and drop it onto the covers beneath him. “Oh God, what did you do?”

Finally, though, the screen returned, except instead of the white-and-orange sprite for Hamtaro, instead the screen was taken over by a different pixelated hamster. This one was jet black save for the white on its muzzle, paws, tail, and tips of its ears, and its eyes were a striking, very familiar bright blue. Jeremy blinked, slowly picking up the Game Boy again and staring at the screen as the black hamster blinked a few times and looked around itself in confusion before it suddenly appeared very disgruntled.

“This is not what I intended to happen,” a text box appeared as the hamster peered up at Jeremy with those big blue eyes. Jeremy’s own widened.

“SQUIP?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Wh—How did you—” Jeremy stumbled over his own words, staring at the sprite. “You’re a Ham-Ham.”

The hamster scowled at him – or at least, Jeremy assumed it was a scowl. It only had so many bits to work with to get its point across. “I suppose I am. I can still shock you, so speak carefully, love.”

Jeremy couldn’t help cracking a tiny smile, shaking his head and leaning back as he continued to watch the SQUIP’s new form. “What the hell were you trying to do?”

The SQUIP gave a shrug, front paws raising in emphasis. “I was trying to better understand your interest in the Game Boy Color. As well as in this game. I suppose I h—”

The text cut out there and Jeremy could all but feel the SQUIP sighing as it waited for Jeremy to finish reading before it deleted the text and continued: “I suppose I had a miscalculation about what would happen when I synced with it.”

Jeremy laughed. “I think this old-school tech is trying to spite you for insulting it.” He grinned. “You look kinda cute like that. And if you’re still in my head, can’t you, y’know, just talk to me there instead of through text boxes?”

The hamster blinked, and it was obvious the SQUIP had been so busy processing the change that it hadn’t considered that as an option, but before Jeremy could poke more fun, he felt another fizzle at the back of his head. The Game Boy’s screen had another freak-out before the game returned to normal with Hamtaro once again in his proper place within the game. Soon enough, the SQUIP reappeared beside the bed, brushing off its clothes as if it had just walked through a hall of cobwebs.

“Have a fun trip?” Jeremy teased, not even minding the warning static on his back.

The SQUIP rolled its eyes, crossing its arms. “I suppose the console is…endearingly antiquated.”

“Yeah, see? That’s the whole point of having vintage stuff!” Jeremy smiled and returned to his game, already missing the black-and-white sprite that had previously been there, as much as he adored the irreplaceable Hamtaro. “Could you change your form to look like a hamster? You really did look cute.”

The SQUIP sighed, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed and watch Jeremy play with almost timid curiosity. “…Perhaps I’ll consider it, if you behave.”

[manggaeteokki]

Secret Garden || intro

summary: for years and years, your mother whispered to you stories of the mythical secret garden, and for years, you thought they were just that: stories. but what happens when one day you stumble upon a place beyond your wildest imagination and not a clue how you got there?

come in and discover the legends of the Secret Garden.

pairing: ___ x reader, BTS x reader 

genre: fluff, romance, fantasy, alternate universe! au, smut (possibly?? *eyebrow wiggle*)

words: 1.7K

a/n: this is my first series and i’m super excited! this series will have a story in the garden for each member. please read the intro before delving into the stories!!! the intro sets up the stories, so its important to read, cuties. choose one to read or choose them all. either way, can’t wait to see you in the Garden!  (send an ask to be added to the taglist!!) 

“Do you ever think there could be other worlds besides ours?” your friend, Aila, asks while shoving a fistful of buttery popcorn in her mouth. 

It was Movie Night in your shared apartment, and your friend and roommate, Aila’s, brilliant suggestion of Prometheus was gracing your T.V. screen. She loved movies about otherworldly creatures coming to Earth and especially loved when an invasion was involved. You often questioned her movie taste, and she would explain that she likes the idea of Earth “not being the only planet with viable and intelligent beings.” It sounded insane, but in some ways it made sense, you rationalized. 

You shifted on the comfy couch to look towards her. While you didn’t necessarily refute the point, you couldn’t be sure that you could answer such a question or even know where to begin with an explanation. 

“When I was younger,” you started, “my mom used to always tell me stories of this other world that had a garden.” 

“Sounds fucking boring,” she retorted. You hit her shoulder and she winced in fake pain. 

“Shut up. Like I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted, she would tell me stories of this place. The way she talked about the garden… it made it seem like it was real,” you smiled remembering. “She said that every flower in existence bloomed there, and that as soon as you entered, a wave of calmness immediately washed over your body. ‘A pure form of serenity,’ she said.” 

“No offense but it sounds like that time I got high at the Botanical Gardens with Nico last summer,” she laughed and you shortly followed suit. 

“Yeah, but she also talked about these beings that lived there. I think she said there were seven of them. She said that they looked like humans, but on a closer look, their beauty was too ethereal to be so,” you babbled. 

Aila’s face contorted into confusion and wonder as you recalled the stories your mother told you at bedtime each night. The movie long forgotten, Aila inquired more and more about your beloved stories until the music signaling the end credits began to play. Aila stood up and began clearing the popcorn strays from the couch while you walked over to turn on the lights in the living room. 

Your roommate let out a yawn paired with a sound that could easily be compared to a banshee, and let you know that she would be heading to sleep as she had work early in the morning. You nodded your head in acknowledgement and let her know that you would be staying a while in the living to catch up on a show you had been binge-watching that week. Her door to her room closed and you landed on your couch with a fwump! 

“Finally I get to watch this damn show!” you exclaimed, reaching for the bucket of popcorn Aila left out for you. The intro to Elite started rolling, and you snuggled deeper into the worn-in couch. You let out a sigh of relaxation, allowing yourself to get immersed in the show. 

Two episodes and about 3 hours later (you used one of the hours to mindlessly scroll through your social media), you decided, albeit belatedly, that you should head to bed due to work being in seven hours. Working in research wasn’t as taxing as you thought, but it still required you to be awake and not slobbering on a keyboard for eight hours, as great as it sounded. 

You started to head toward your own room when you heard a thump against one of the doors in the small hallway where the doors leading to the bedrooms existed. You decided that you were more tired than you felt and thought the result was auditory hallucinations; however, as you got closer to the middle door between you and Aila’s bedroom, you heard it once again and this time louder. 

“Aila, what the hell are you doing in there?” you called out but there was no response. 

When you and Aila first toured the apartment, the middle door did not go unnoticed. When asked about the door and why it was locked, the landlord simply said that he bought it that way and never received a key. Many jokes were made in terms of what lie beyond the door; moreso by Aila and her extraterrestrial fantasies than you, but they induced plenty of laughs nonetheless. 

The thumping occurred from the middle door again, and fear slowly crept into your veins making your body feel a rush of coolness in the process. You knew not to try to open the door, not that it was even possible, but you also knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep with that incessant noise. You started banging on Aila’s door. 

“Aila, girl, I KNOW you hear that noise. Hurry up and come out! I’m scared,” you whined, but she still didn’t reply. You knew Aila was a heavy sleeper, but damn was she sleeping deep if she couldn’t hear you. 

You twisted the knob to her door and ran in expecting to see a lump on plump blankets in a human silhouette. Instead, you found her bed completely made, no human in sight. There was no way that Aila could have gone out the window, you guys were on the tenth floor. Things weren’t adding up, and you were on the verge of tears. 

A morbid curiosity suffused throughout your being as you slowly began walking towards the middle door. The thumping got louder with each step you took, and at some point, you couldn’t distinguish between the pounding of your heart in your eardrums and the perpetual beat against the mahogany entrance. You reached the door, and your hand encased the golden knob. You noted that it felt warm for a door that had supposedly not been used for a lengthy amount of time. With a twist of the knob, you were shocked to hear a click indicated the outdated door had been unlocked. You stood there for what seemed like forever, an array of questions racing through your mind. You finally gathered what little courage you had left and swung the door open. 

It was a bittersweet feeling when you listened to your mom. All those times when you wished you were spirited away from your life only to continue the mundane quickly taught you that stories were just stories. Myths were myths. Lies were lies. And gardens of every flower didn’t exist but in fairytales. 

So why, beyond a mysterious door in a crappy apartment, are the most beautiful meadows of flowers swaying in the wind, dancing a dance of entrancement, almost as if they were personally inviting you inside? Your eyes glassed over as you tried to process the view. It was as if your eyes were stuck in their place. 

You were frozen. 

It wasn’t until you heard the door shut behind you that realized you had moved inside. Your eyes whipped back, but you found yourself staring at acres and acres of flowers, not a door in sight. 

“Is there a reason you’re standing there like an idiot?” you heard a voice say. 

When you turned around, your eyes met your best friend and roommate. She donned a sheer ivory dress with golden acacias adorning her bodice and train. The silk threads shone in the sun almost as if the dress had been sewn by the heavens themselves. Her skin was as smooth as glass and possessed a beautiful brown pigment with a hint of olive. Champagne glitter bedecked the areas around her eyes, and her hair was tied up in a braid full of a different selection of flowers. Her eyebrow was raised and her arms were across her chest. You could hear her foot tapping against the ground in irritation. 

“Aila?” you whispered. 

“Who?” she practically yelled, “That is not my name, nor has it ever been.” 

You blushed, “then who are you?”

“Who am I?” she scoffed, “More like who are you? You’re the one who stood in the middle of the meadow as if you were waiting for someone to check you into a hotel.” 

Her tone was pissing you off, and if you had felt more comfortable in this situation, you would have told her exactly where she could have put it. Instead, you were too busy trying to figure out whether or not Aila put something in her popcorn. 

“I’m Y/N, and I don’t even know where I am or how I even got here,” you choked. 

The girl gave you a look then closed her eyes and sighed. She turned on her heel and began walking in the opposite direction without saying another word. Your eyebrows furrowed and your temper threatened to lose itself, but when she found that your footsteps were nowhere to be heard, she stopped in her tracks. 

“Are you coming or what?” she bleated. You nodded slightly and began walking quickly to catch up with her. 

You walked beside her for what seemed like forever, not sharing one word between each other, so you decided to take in your surroundings. 

You could see the flowers, yes, but you also saw little creatures you had never seen before participating in different tasks. Some were watering sections of plants, some were flitting and flying, sprinkling an unknown substance from the air that shone like diamonds, and some were simply laying down and napping in the sun. You walked further and found little manmade living spaces made from materials like twigs and leaves, and silently thought how adorable it all was. Just when you were counting your hundredth house, the girl suddenly stopped. 

“We’re here,” she stated. 

In front of you, seven paths diverged and outstretched throughout the pasture. Each one looked uniform at first glance, but the longer you looked, the more you could see the slight differences. With your lips slightly parted, you turned back towards the girl, however, the space she occupied was now taken up by a lanky, ginger, cat-like entity licking its paw. 

“What?” it spoke with the girl’s voice. 

You jumped back slightly but a calm hushed your body. You took a deep breath.

“What am I supposed to do now?” you asked.

“What do you normally do when you see multiple paths?” she snickered, continuing to lick her paw. You stayed silent and looked towards her. She stopped licking and instead arched her back gracefully. 

“Choose.”

[dynadratina]

10 Signs You’re Reading a Dyna Fic

Thanks to @homesteadchronicles for tagging me!

1. It’s long

As much as it irks me sometimes, I tend to write lengthy stuff. If it’s a one-shot, it’s long. If it’s a chaptered fic, you can bet I’ll pass the 100,000 word mark before the second act is even over.

Why does that happen? I have no idea >.< My story ideas always just tend to blow up, even if I start with the simplest concept, like “Wouldn’t it be cool if Character X had a job as Y?” My brain always likes adding more details, whether it’s for worldbuilding or for new situations the characters can get into.

2. It has an ensemble cast

As much as I admire stories with a single compelling protagonist, what I like even more is situating a protagonist into a web of other characters and defining their story by how those other characters’ on- or offscreen journeys interact with theirs.

In that sense I conceive some (but not all) of my stories as glimpses into a little community, where all main and side characters are affected by each other and have some sort of arc to complete, however small.

3. It hasn’t been updated in a while

I don’t like doing this either, I swear! But it’s a given fact that ever since I started college and entered a writing-heavy field, my energy for writing stories has thinned out. In 99% of cases it’s most definitely not because I’ve lost interest or given up. Rather it’s everything to do with my energy levels. Usually I have no idea when I’m going to be both free and in a mental capacity to write, so I don’t bother making a writing schedule I can’t keep. I just snatch those moments when they come by and start typing, first getting down the main ideas and leaving the editing and polishing for later.

Then of course I have to wait till that ‘later’ comes around... *shifty eyes*

4. Sentences are long and have semicolons

This is more the case for my old writing, but for a long time I had a tendency to write really complex sentences. Now when I look back on them, my head explodes and I manage to find dozens of ways of making things simpler and more pleasant to read.

I also use semicolons. I am sorry xDD Academic writing does that to you. Honestly I have no idea what else to do? Make the sentences shorter? Or just use a comma???

5. It’s biggest theme is either friendship or found family

Because those two are my absolute favorites :3 Even in my romance-focused stories, I like to describe how the characters’ interpersonal relationships change as a whole and how their experiences led them to a new sense of belonging. Stories about a character choosing to surround themselves with people who are better for them, or having to move on from people who aren’t, or deal with broken family/friendship bonds, are some of the most compelling to me because they reflect very real aspects of life.

6. Worldbuilding goes down to the mundane details

I love, love, love describing boring things. How the main character had to apply for their job, how they pay the bills, how a particular city is run. If it’s a story involving magic or spirituality, you can bet I’ll go into the nitty-gritty details of how that magic works, or at least how a particular user experiences it. Those details are like glitter to me - don’t go over the top, but sprinkle them here and there and your world’s logic and structure will shine.

7. It has a happy ending, or at least a bittersweet one

I don’t like ripping readers’ hearts in two ;; It’s been done to me enough! I might start out a draft with a character tragically dying, then eventually figure out a way for them to live and for the story to be five times better for it.

Same with endings. I might be cynical when I start a story and go ‘Yeah, this’ll end with them losing everything and having to realize how wrong they were, ha-ha’, then in the final draft I’ll inject a teensy bit more hope into it. Basically I always want to make sure that my main characters are in a better position at the end of the story than at the beginning. And however that ‘better’ might look, I’ll write it so that the reader can agree and believe that this is the case.

8. It has an outrageous premise

I write for fun, so... why not have fun? I’ll often get an idea that seems totally crazy to me, but it’s either so funny or entertaining that I have to write it. So I’ll take it absolutely seriously and find a way to make it work.

9. Characters feel their limits

A story’s no fun without conflict, and I love describing exactly what gets in my characters’ way and how. If I’m writing a character who’s a professional fighter, I’ll put them in a situation where they’re either partially incapacitated or up against someone who’s just as good as they are. I’ll have a stoic, self-reliant character who sails for a living suffer from debilitating seasickness, which makes for embarrassing situations and necessitates the help of his friend. I’ll have characters experience things that upset them and explore the ramifications of that event all throughout the story.

Which brings me to my last point...

10. Cause-and-effect stretch from the very first page to the last

If a character sprains their ankle when falling down in the first chapter, it will still be hurting in the second. Maybe even the third. Then in the second act, I’ll show them being extra observant of their surroundings and making sure they don’t fall again. Then in the final act they’ll defeat the villain by making them fall down in the exact same way. (Okay, this is oversimplifying, but you get my point).

Basically I’m a firm believer in Chekhov’s Gun. Only it’s not just one gun, it’s as many objects/events from the early point of the story as possible.

Tagging @bayalexison and anybody else who wants to do this! (No pressure, of course.) I'd love to see people’s answers!

[impalementation]

What are your official takes on each of Buffy's major love interests?

i am…really afraid to answer this. heh. so i will put the caveat that i’m indulging myself here and am basically going to drive straight into headcanon territory. these aren’t really “takes” in a textual-analysis sense, and i’m not particularly attached to them. more like descriptions of how the relationships read to me. i’ll take them in chronological order.

buffy/angel: i think…that buffy and angel deeply and sincerely loved each other. but that love was wrapped up in a lot of other stuff that makes it hard to say what exactly it means that they loved each other. i think that buffy was a beacon of light in angel’s pretty sad and lonely existence, and that a big part of his love for her was the sheer joy of finding someone to love at all. the feeling of, oh god, i’m capable of really caring about someone. that’s how i see his characterization in light of becoming especially. (because so much of angel’s unhappiness is related to guilt-driven isolation and detachment, i find something nice in the fact that his love for buffy was a stepping stone to angel being more engaged in the world and able to care for people in general. not just buffy.) meanwhile buffy was a teenage girl, and angel was this confounding, yet romantic figure. i get a vibe like, angel is the hope that something beautiful can be made out of her dark and violent life. it just makes complete sense to me that buffy would be deeply drawn to the idea of a vampire with a soul, a vampire who rejects vampirism, in view of her own fears of losing herself to her calling*. it also makes sense to me that buffy goes back and forth between keeping angel close and pushing him away all through season three, because season three is a big season for identity. and angel, like faith, is strongly linked to buffy’s sense of self. i see her reluctance to give him up not just as a matter of loving him a lot, but of not wanting to feel like nothing beautiful can be made out of a life of slaying. especially given her guilt over killing him in the early part of the season, and especially since faith is busy transforming slaying into something ugly. but of course, angel’s unattainableness is also bad for buffy, because it magnifies these guilts and fears of hers. 

*(this is also my read of her pretty intense protectiveness over spike in season seven. i don’t think her feelings towards him change because she sees him getting a soul as a big romantic gesture. buffy has never been impressed by spike making romantic gestures. i think her feelings towards him change because making something light out of something dark is very very important to her. like it’s at the fundamentals of her character. and that’s what spike did. so it’s important to her to protect it.) (this is also my read of why buffy is such a forgiving person in general. she’s desperate to make light from dark. hence why she takes it so personally when faith goes bad, and then rejects the many chances that buffy tries to give her. i think that buffy has a harder time being moved–or more like, letting herself be moved–by faith’s efforts towards redemption in sanctuary and season seven because faith made something dark out of something light first. and that initial choice, plus faith’s repeated commitment to it, scared the shit out of buffy. it’s her worst fear.)

buffy/faith: mainly doing this one because the subtext is so obvious and because faith was written in a way that has seemingly-if-not-actually-deliberate similarities with buffy’s other love interests. i see attraction on faith’s end, but in a ha-ha-just-kidding…unless? way. i see attraction on buffy’s end too, but in that way that is completely unable to register that it’s attraction, since it’s for another girl. that said. i personally think that if they had acted on an attraction during the run of the show, the plot would have still gone basically the way it does in canon. their relationship still would have blown up. because both of them have mad identity issues with each other, and that kind of thing doesn’t go away when you add sex or romance to it—it makes it worse (witness: season six spike/buffy). not to mention the fact that faith has a distinct pattern of weaponizing sex during seasons three and four. if buffy/faith were to ever happen in an actually-sustainable way, i see it happening post-series.

buffy/riley: i think one of the more unfortunate things about how this relationship was written is that it doesn’t feel like we get a ton of information about buffy’s side of things. why buffy likes riley. or even what the show is trying to say with the relationship at all. so you kind of have to read between the lines. i think that riley likes buffy because she’s different. he reminds me of an online dating message telling a girl she’s “intriguing” (“i’m sure every pretty girl has some guy telling her she’s a mystery” …yeah). i think that riley does really care for buffy, but he also wants to feel important, and an interesting girl makes him feel that way. up until it turns out that he can’t handle a girl being more interesting than him. i don’t think riley is a bad guy, but i do think that he and buffy had fundamentally incompatible needs, and he handled that realization badly. buffy, from what i can gather, seems to value his safety and loyalty. which is why the show has riley flirt with danger and disloyalty when it’s trying to introduce friction into the buffy/riley relationship (see: riley sleeping with faith, riley letting vampires bite him). i think ironically, buffy specifically wanted a boyfriend who was not stronger than her at this point in her life. but maybe gets off on the fact that riley has the aesthetic of strength. like, i think she likes having control over male strength and normalcy, likes being desired by it, after the whole drama of angel—in which she didn’t have much control. and at some point, that was always going to end up in conflict with riley’s insecurities. but riley’s insecurities blindside buffy because she never saw him as weak—i think she genuinely values safe, loyal people. she picked lovable outcasts as her friends, after all. i think she really admires those traits in riley, and is startled that they aren’t good enough for him. and maybe aren’t good enough for her, either.

buffy/spike: i think it’s a shame that people try to read a conventional romantic dynamic into this pairing as-written, because—in my opinion—it’s way more narratively and emotionally satisfying when you don’t. like i enjoy watching it, but i enjoy watching it because it’s dark and weird and ambiguous. i don’t think that they were writing a love story with these two characters. i think that they were writing a character story. it just so happens that character stories often make very compelling love stories, because of the time spent on…character. in fact, i think kind of the whole point of buffy/spike in seasons five and six is that spike thinks he’s in a love story, and the audience might be tempted to agree with him, but he isn’t*. i think the writers saw that buffy and spike were good at exploiting the vulnerabilities in the other, and leaned into it. why wouldn’t you exploit character vulnerabilities? that’s good drama. all of which is to say, questions like whether buffy loved spike romantically, or whether they could be good for each other, are sort of…uninteresting to me. they don’t feel like the point. the point is the self-knowledge that buffy and spike gain from being involved with each other. the big and uncomfortable things that they provoke each other into learning about themselves. it’s a specific kind of dynamic. one that is inherently intimate and not-incompatible with romance, but is still something other than romance. “i’ve seen the best and the worst of you”: that is the point of buffy/spike, to me. they are each other’s mortifying ordeal, and the payoff is that scene in touched. the payoff of being known is not a matter of being in a sexual or romantic relationship. the payoff is that when someone tells you they love you, you believe they love you. (this is why their final scene in chosen is supposed to be so bittersweet. both of them are trying to say that they understand and accept each other—only this time, the same history that made that understanding possible gets in their way.)

*(contrast with season seven, when he’s convinced up to his death that he’s not in a love story, but maybe accidentally is. and contrast with buffy/angel in seasons two and three when they think they’re in a love story, and they are in a love story. but that doesn’t mean they’ll be happy. and contrast with buffy/riley who aren’t in a love story, and know they aren’t in a love story. but haven’t quite accepted it. note how their attempts to pull off love story tropes in into the woods totally fail.)

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers ! another ask for u : im soo afraid in the next chapter momo will be homophobic towards ht !! I mean except Zzx who seems at ease with his sexuality, the other boys all seem kind of homophobic. Jy called ht repulsive bc he called him pretty while he was a guy, Ht is very agressive in his advances (which i linked to toxic virility which entails homophobia) ; then both of them changed for the better bc of their feelings for another man. 1/?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

“thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers !”

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them! Every time people send me questions it always makes me happy and to be honest, a bit taken aback because I’m just a little old me. But I’m glad my answers have had such a positive reception and given people food for thought. And it’s always a pleasant surprise when people feel like they can come to my ask box with their interpretations and strike up a conversation.

Homophobia is a very complex topic, and I wondered where I should start to unravel this ask. But soon I realized before I can even begin that I have to take a moment to sort out my own feelings. Whenever people say the boys in 19 Days are abusive or homophobic for whatever reason I tend to get ticked off. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, often sparked by my own bias, but something that can very easily cloud my answer and make it unfair for you. Exchanging interpretations and perspectives requires a level of objectivity and the ability to rise above your own bias. I can’t dismiss something just because it uncomfortably pokes my nerve. Instead, I should take a step back, try and see things from another point of view, and find some common ground.

I’m not saying I had to struggle to agree with you on anything but your ask certainly reminded me of how challenging yet rewarding it is to actually listen to an interpretation that differs from my own and try to objectively look at the story from that point of view. It hurts your brain at first but is surprisingly freeing in the end.

Because you addressed so many things in your ask, I will tie my answer together under the theme of homophobia and give it some structure that way. This will be my great 19 Days - homophobia edition. \(^v^)/

Sexual orientation and environment

Let’s start with the biggest context you brought up in your ask: social and cultural environment. I’m not familiar enough with Chinese culture to have anything definite to say about its attitude towards LGBT people. Of course, I’ve heard of the discrimination and even blatant hate by their government but I don’t have any idea about how ordinary, modern-day Chinese people view others with different sexual orientations. Not to mention, it’s always risky to take fictional works as an accurate representation of the milieu in which they’re set.

But I do think that 19 Days discusses homophobia in societies, though on a more general level. As Jian Yi has come to realize his feelings towards Zhan Zheng Xi, we’ve also gotten glimpses of his struggles. They’re surrounded by other kids in school, and from the very early chapters it’s been implied two guys being that close together or comfortable with that level of skinship turns people’s heads (ch. 53, 54, 55, and 57):

Of course, those panels also poke fun at the stereotype of girls being interested in cute guys being cute together. The girls stare, take pictures, and even smile knowingly. This bothered ZZX because it put him in awkward situations and created misunderstandings that would be embarrassing to correct. And the more he would try to deny and correct them, the more he would probably end up looking suspicious. But the bottom line is, he was increasingly conscious of the weird looks and attention JY’s antics were attracting and didn’t want people to get the wrong picture of his friendship with JY. All of that could give us some hints on how two boys being close might be viewed by their peers, but it should also be kept in mind that those kinds of “gay panic” moments are a big part of the humor you find in 19 Days.

Having a crush on someone of the same gender gets more serious tones after JY kissed ZZX (ch. 142)

The secret was finally out in the open. JY had carried his feelings in his heart for a long time. He had wanted to confess them so many times and often hidden them behind jokes and antics. Perhaps every time he had jumped to hug ZZX he had caught a whiff of his scent and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. But to take the definite last step of confessing and lifting that curtain had always terrified him. And who wouldn’t have been scared? Not only would you have to come out but also risk losing your childhood best friend. It could be JY had even thought of never telling ZZX about his feelings because it could go horribly wrong.

For a while, things are somewhat put on pause after the first reveal which I found very realistic. JY wasn’t flat-out rejected but ZZX most definitely needed a moment to sort out his own feelings. He pestered JY to be straight with him (pun not intended...) and made it clear it would be safe for JY to rely on him and free himself of the burden. Despite that JY was still very unsure if his confession won’t result in ZZX abandoning him because “gay” is abnormal and disgusting (ch. 164):

Even when JY finally confessed he was expecting to be rejected in disgust (ch. 209):

But he had sort of reached the point of just finally getting it all out even if ZZX wouldn’t return his feelings. Even if it meant they wouldn’t be friends anymore. At least he had said it. He had heartbreakingly little faith that their kind of relationship wouldn’t be completely doomed. Thank god he had fallen for someone like ZZX. I don’t think I’ve never been as grateful for a character like him before.

A tangible example of how Zhanyi and their environment collided was Xiao Hui’s character (ch. 158):

When she called JY a disgusting gay, it was the first time he was facing that kind of homophobia. Though her actions were frustrating, I think Xiao Hui’s character was a good addition to Zhanyi. At first, she lashed out both because she was hurt and publicly humiliated but also no doubt because she had internalized the idea that heterosexuality was the norm and anything else was abnormal and wrong. Later on, she had had time to lick her wounds and calm down (ch. 258):

She still has a crush on ZZX but even though she probably realizes she doesn’t have a chance she still wants a clear rejection from ZZX. It still hurts and stings but doesn’t upset her as much. It could even be she’s a little happy for them. I think Xiao Hui’s character is a good example that people are capable of changing and reflecting when they’re given a chance. And no one should be forever held accountable and punished for the mistakes they made and have since bettered themselves.

In a broader sense, I think Zhanyi also discusses what kind of future a same-sex couple could have in society (ch. 268):

That drawing on the wall is my favorite Zhanyi moment. As cute as ZZX drawing him and JY together was, it also carries some bittersweet undertones. The original drawing represents the norm: a boy and a girl in love but if there are no skirts involved, it’s a whole other story. To be open about their relationship would most probably never be an option for JY and ZZX. Something as simple as holding hands in public would take courage and threaten to complicate other aspects of their lives (school, work, family). They don’t have the same privilege as straight people to openly and safely share their feelings and have that universal experience.

Your ask was mainly about Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about their environment since you also referred to it. And the easiest way for that seemed to be to talk about the progress of Zhanyi. As you suggested, it does seem the society in which all of the characters live is very much heteronormative which puts pressure on the characters to fit in. And if they fail that, they will face homophobia and most probably feel the need to hide their true selves. Case in point, Zhanyi.

Boys being boys

As much as I know that phrase is deemed Problematic™ these days, I think it fits the dynamics of the boys of 19 Days. They mess with each other, and all of that is typical humor for the comic. Personally, I’ve never taken any of their teasing and good-natured bullying seriously because it’s how 15-year-old boys are around each other.

However, I just finished talking about the environment under which influences and discourses the boys have grown up. I don’t feel like I can ignore what I had just been saying and brush it off as “oh well, they’re just boys” if they’ve always been surrounded by certain attitudes. Does that mean the boys have also internalized those attitudes towards gay people despite having feelings for someone of the same sex? Does that make them a representation of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia?

In all honesty, I’m struggling to answer those questions. On one hand, I do agree that society’s norms of what is masculine put a lot of pressure on boys when growing up. You have to act, talk, dress, and be in a certain way to be accepted, and it doesn’t take a lot for kids to internalize those ideas. And as you said, acting or looking gay (not to mention, actually being one) is probably the worst a young boy could be. Being gay is often linked to everything a proper man shouldn’t be: sissy, effeminate, sensitive, weak, submissive, on the bottom. The list goes on and on.

On the other hand, do I think you can see that in the four main boys of 19 Days? I suppose it’s possible if that’s the direction you want to take. If you look at anything through those lenses, you can probably find toxic masculinity everywhere. Do I think HT, MGS, JY and ZZX are homophobic because they possibly showcase traits of toxic masculinity? I guess. I don’t know. I see where that interpretation comes from, but some part of my brain never manages to make the full connection between those two. I’m constantly having a feeling that my way of thinking differs from your interpretation but I can’t properly validate or argue my opinions.

Perhaps taking a look at the examples you mentioned might help. You talked about JY being homophobic when this was his response to HT calling him good looking (ch. 108):

I can’t exactly deny that panel couldn’t be taken as toxic masculinity. I might even agree with you on that. I wouldn’t probably go as far as saying JY was being homophobic but it does seem like his masculinity was threatened or questioned in that situation. Interestingly, I’ve seen that phrase pop up a lot in yaoi/shounen-ai comics. Characters who are in a gay relationship don’t often feel comfortable with guys complimenting them - or even the guy they’re in love with. I’ve always wondered that. Does that mean there’s a level of self-denial in those characters or is it just a cultural thing? Does it embarrass them?

In general, I think all of that has to do with their age, and another good example of that would be ZZX and JY’s reaction to HT messing with MGS (ch. 289 and 298):

I’ve seen people calling those moments homophobic as well and can’t really agree with them. I would say those reactions have more to do with teenage boys being awkward and embarrassed. HT putting the moves on MGS in front of them is embarrassing and something they don’t wish to see. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see my friends constantly acting like that around me either. Seeing public displays of affection embarrasses me and makes me awkward as hell. (Though, I don’t know if that’s just a Finnish thing...)

In short, I see a lot of how the boys act around each other just natural to how teenage boys are. They mess with each other and standing up for yourself in that sense (for example, getting revenge, being physical, or returning the verbal teasing) is important and typical. That’s how I see JY’s words in the example you mentioned: he felt like HT was messing with him and shot back. All of that could, of course, be seen as internalized toxic masculinity, but I don’t think it’s quite as blatant as people sometimes make it out to be. I’ve always taken it as boys just being boys and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What comes to HT being pushy and overbearing, I don’t see that being connected to toxic masculinity and making him homophobic because of that. It feels a bit of a stretch and shakey. Instead, I actually think HT is quite comfortable with both of his own feelings for MGS and the idea of same-sex relationships in general (ch. 187):

The little heart-to-hearts JY and HT occasionally have also show us that despite often making fun of each other, they can take it more seriously when needed. JY would have never asked about having feelings for another male if he couldn’t trust HT wouldn’t make fun of him.

The case of Mo Guan Shan

You talked a lot about MGS, so I thought I’d take a closer look at his character separately. You made some interesting points I’ve also been thinking about and was glad they popped up in your ask.

Since we’ve talked about toxic masculinity so far, let’s continue on that. You mentioned that MGS is prone to homophobia because he’s had to act tough. Upholding a certain kind of image is essential in gangs. Being weak and submissive - aka gay, as I talked about above - isn’t an option in that line of work.

I agree with you on all of that. Why MGS is so uncomfortable with HT being physical with him is at least partly because he can’t come across as someone who can be taken advantage of (ch. 250):

If he can be physically overpowered and made vulnerable, it means he can be submitted. In the masculine world, physical strength seems to be the final and ultimate law that settles all the disputes at the latest. And if you lose in that you’re on the bottom or at least lower on the hierarchy. Now, multiply that mentality by a lot to fit it in the world of teenage gangs and the borderline criminal underworld. So, yes, I would most definitely say MGS doesn’t want himself to be put in that situation. Much less anyone finding out about it.

Then again, the story has kind of revisited that idea when HT “joined” MGS’s gang and his underlings started seeing HT around more. And they seem somewhere between intimidated by HT and impressed their boss has managed to make someone like HT call him “brother”. That fits the same mentality of strength, but I can’t honestly see Buzzcut or other members of the gang giving MGS a hard time even if they found out about HT’s affections. Chances are, they would be even more impressed, bless them.

Overall, I think MGS lashing out (or being homophobic) is mostly due to him not trusting HT and HT slowly but surely wearing him out and making him see his own prejudice against people like HT. Yelling out insults has been the easiest way to fight HT’s affections, although it’s not proven very successful. It’s also important to remember MGS is fairly inexperienced when it comes to love and romantic affection (ch. 222):

He’s always been rejected and discriminated by his peers and over the years, he’s started to mirror that behavior and push people away. Having crushes (let alone having a girlfriend) has never really been a concern for him. And it’s not like he’s had time for something like romance anyway because working has taken so much of his time. In this regard, MGS isn’t that mature or experienced and tends to get uncomfortable and lash out very quickly.

I’ve already talked about the note and what kind of role I think it will have (if it will be addressed at all). And I’m not really worried about MGS saying something homophobic to HT. I think we’re way past of him being like “I don’t speak to a homo” at this point already. He’s been aware of HT’s affections for a good while by now and even tentatively warmed up to some of it (for example, the aquarium date and the studs). (Even though, I think it’s still too early to talk about MGS being in love with HT.)

MGS has come a long way, and I might even say he’s gained some sexuality-related maturity on the way. Slowly but surely, he’s become comfortable with having HT around, and if after all this development he would say something like that, it would be a pretty big step backward. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t throw insults and lash out but let’s not forget we’re talking about a purebred tsundere here. That’s always going to happen with him.

And while we’re keeping it real, it’s not like HT would pay any mind to those insults. After MGS asked for the studs, I think HT’s resolve has only strengthened.

I hope this answer makes some sense, to me it feels like a bit of a mess of this and that. A lof of “I can’t deny that but still...” You really threw some hard questions and challenged my thinking a lot. Thank you!

[pagetgram]

Getting To Know The Cast Of Criminal Minds

As Criminal Minds rolls out its 15th and final season, the beloved cast gathers to discuss serial killers (what else?), special guest stars, and their millions of phenomenal fans in this exclusive interview. (x,x)

As Criminal Minds rolls out its 15th and final season, the beloved cast gathers to discuss serial killers (what else?), special guest stars, and their millions of phenomenal fans in this exclusive interview.

By David Hochman

The scene is quintessential Hollywood: a train station at dusk. Steam billowing up from the tracks. Loved ones bracing for their emotional farewells. What could be more fitting for the cast of Criminal Minds?

Chugging into its 15th and final season after more than 300 episodes, the police procedural is among the 10 longest-running dramas of all time, and in the top 20 for longest-running scripted television shows. "This is Gunsmoke and Guinness Book territory," says Matthew Gray Gubler, who has played quirky FBI brainiac Dr. Spencer Reid since episode 1.

To honor the landmark occasion, all eight series regulars are gathered at a railway museum in L.A.'s Griffith Park for photos, poignant reflections, and a few behind-the-scenes confessions (mostly involving a tradition called "hot tub wine machine"—stay tuned).

On TV, the tenacious profilers of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit—or simply "BAU" to fans—are a hard-bitten bunch, tracking down serial killers and other vicious "unsubs." But in person, clearly good friends across the board and decked out today in their spiffiest finery, the cast can scarcely hold back tears as they get candid about their extended journey together and what it means to come to the end—sniff, sniff—of Criminal Minds.

Originally published in Watch! Magazine, July-August 2019.

Judging from the misty eyes and group hugs, it looks like the series wrap-up is generating "all the feels," as they say. Are you able to get through scenes this season without a tissue break?

Joe Mantegna (Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi, Seasons 3-present): This is my 50th year in show business, and next to voicing on The Simpsons, Rossi is my longest-running role. I came in with dark hair and now it's gray. I arrived without much of a game plan, and the show and character are now a deep part of who I am. This cast is a true family for me. So every episode this year has an added bittersweet layer. When the director announces, "This is the last profile scene" or "This is our last scene on the jet," you look around with a real sense of passing. It's monumental.

Kirsten Vangsness (BAU Technical Analyst and Media Liaison Penelope Garcia, Seasons 1-present): The term that keeps coming up is "ambiguous loss"—that feeling of losing something you love, and that everything's about to change. In this case it's not a person, thank goodness. But still, in the middle of a scene, it hits you. But you can't cry; you have all this makeup on. Plus, what are you crying for? It's been such an incredible experience. I will have done every single episode except episode 5, every episode of the first spinoff, and two episodes of the second spinoff. I love these people. No, sir. I'm not crying. You're crying. [Editor's note: She's crying.]

Paget Brewster (Supervisory Special Agent and BAU Unit Chief Emily Prentiss, Seasons 2-7, 9, 11-present): Um, I'm in complete denial, so I'll break down into tears the week after we end, but not before. I'm pretending this show's never, ever going to end.

Without spoiling anything, what can you say about Season 15?

A.J. Cook (Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Seasons 1-present): Well, I can tell you that we will find out what happens now that JJ has expressed her true feelings for Dr. Reid.

Matthew Gray Gubler (Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid, Seasons 1-present): Don't you mean "Jeid?" That's what the internet is calling us. Hey, I'm not spoiling anything. I mean, don't rule out, uh, "Jemily" or "Jarcia" this season, either!

Adam Rodriguez (Supervisory Special Agent Luke Alvez, Seasons 12-present): And we do have guest stars. We love guest stars! [Editor's note: Among others, watch for Jane Lynch to return as Reid's schizophrenic mother, and for Rachael Leigh Cook as a potential new love interest for Reid.]

Daniel Henney (Supervisory Special Agent Matt Simmons, Seasons 10, 12-present): Overall, I'd say 15 has more of an arc through the episodes than previous seasons. Our unsub, Chameleon, is played by Michael Mosley, and he's definitely into some gruesome, creepy stuff.

Brewster: Like, we have a scene where a bunch of body parts are hanging from a tree. Our prop guy, who's a professional fisherman in real life, was on top of a 15-foot ladder with a foot and an ear hanging off his fishing pole.

Aisha Tyler (Special Agent Dr. Tara Lewis and forensic psychologist, Seasons 11-present): And people wonder why my house in L.A. is like a fortress and I'm armed! I'd say it's a direct result of Criminal Minds. This show is definitely dark. I'm not going around profiling sociopaths and serial killers, but, yeah, being on Criminal Minds, you become more perceptive about people's bad behavior.

Anybody else find it hard letting go in real life after chasing serial killers at work all day?

Cook: I'm blessed with a good shut-off switch. Once the day's done, I can block everything out. But as soon as I became a mom, something shifted where the naive girl from Canada got the boot and mama bear arrived. We saw that happen with JJ on the show, too. When she became a mom, it was suddenly like, "Whoa, watch out for that guy in the park!"

Henney: I'll tell you a story. About two months ago, I'm at home sleeping and a burglar alarm goes off, and I literally switched into Simmons mode. All the training I'd done with the FBI guys and our tech advisers instantly came into play. I threw on black sweatpants. I was creeping around the perimeter of my house, FBI-style. I clocked all my points of ingress and egress. When you do so many episodes, basic instincts kick in.

Did you identify the unsub?

Henney: Nobody was there! It was a stupid, faulty window sensor.

Brewster: The show definitely sharpens your reactions to your surroundings. When you start the show, you have access to the FBI training manual, which, frankly, no civilian should ever see because the photographs are so grisly. You end up going through a period of hypervigilance where you can't go into a sandwich shop or airport without thinking, Uh-oh! I think that couple's going to end up in a domestic dispute tonight.

Group question: What's your standout memory from these many seasons?

Rodriguez: I jumped onto this flying carpet 12 seasons in, and my first scene was out in the middle of the desert, and we shot all night long. There was an old car that was supposed to be in the scene, but it broke down and they ended up rolling it into the shot, which was funny. But more than that, I remember how welcoming people were. I was the new guy, but I felt immediately at home.

Brewster: We watched your family grow, too, Adam. You had a kid. A.J. had two kids. I met my husband on set. We've been lucky enough to live our lives and develop together as people.

Cook: For me, having both my boys appear in the show was an absolute treasure. Mekhai, who's 10, has been doing it way longer than Phoenix, who's 4, and he loves it, though I can't tell if it's the acting or that everybody's giving him cookies and ice cream all the time.

Henney: I was really proud to play Simmons because, as an Asian American actor, you don't often get the chance to play the quintessential American guy's guy. He's married to a Caucasian woman and has mixed-race children—which is true with me, too [Henney is also of mixed descent]—and I loved representing that on television. To have a kissing scene with Kelly, my wife on the show—you weren't seeing that 10 years ago.

Tyler: Directing a couple episodes was an incredible opportunity. But for me, just the experience of seeing this through to the end is so rewarding. I was only supposed to do six episodes. Everything's been gravy since then.

Mantegna: Hands down, my highlight was being able to work in my passion for law enforcement and the military by making my FBI character a former Marine. That allowed me to bring in Meshach Taylor, one of my dearest, oldest friends, as my commanding officer in Vietnam, and directing two of the three episodes that involved him as a character.

That included the episode where his character died, because Meshach had died. To actually bury him on camera as my dear friend—I'm the godfather of his kids, and he's the godfather of mine—it was everything. If I do nothing else on television, doing that for Meshach to me means the top of the ladder.

TV shows come and go. How do you explain the enduring success of Criminal Minds?

Tyler: Well, I'd say it's not about prurient interest in the macabre. I think the reason people like the show is because we want to know that there's a smart, dedicated team of professionals out there working very hard to make sure that the rest of us stay safe. Even if we don't know who they are and we can't see them, it's comforting that people are sacrificing their personal lives and their relationships so that they can put evil people away.

Rodriguez: I meet young people all the time, teenagers, who love the show and say they love the game of it all—figuring out how these processes work and the skills that go into solving crimes. I think we've probably inspired a generation of people to go into this important work—on the good-guy side, not on the bad.

Cook: So many people have struggled in their lives, and they can relate to what they see on the show. Hardworking moms, people that have been abused, people who've experienced loss.

Vangsness: I think it comes down to a show with some of the greatest characters on television. Garcia is just a bundle of positive energy, and that resonated. Her desk is a living piece of art to how she's connected with the audience. I've got a papier-mâché heart pen a fan from France gave me. There's a little rabbit from a fan in Japan. A German woman knitted a Penelope doll that's sitting there. Oh, and Richard Simmons gave me a necklace one time because he loved the show!

Criminal Minds fans are a devoted bunch.

Henney: I once checked into a ski lodge in Switzerland and my television wasn't working, so I went to the front desk. The two desk guys started staring at me like zombies and pointed to their TV, where Criminal Minds was on, with me on the screen.

Brewster: It takes you by surprise in the weirdest places. You'll be in a bathroom at a movie theater and girls are outside whispering, That's Emily Prentiss, and they wait for you to finish so you can wash your hands and hug them.

What are you going to miss most about the show?

Cook: Um, everything. The scenes in the jet are my favorites because it's such a tight space that we forget we're on a TV show and just enjoy hanging out together. This show, for me, was a coming of age. You can look online and find me in the beginning of season 1 wearing this ridiculous pink pinstriped blazer that will haunt me forever. I look like I'm 12. But I've grown up along with JJ. [Tearing up.] I'll miss it all so much.

Gubler: Likewise, I really look up to Spencer Reid, and I feel so honored to have played him for so long. I will miss his long, you know, three-page monologues of technical jargon about protons or whatever. I'll miss the way he holds his hands like an ostrich foot when he's solving a problem. He's definitely way smarter than I'll ever be, but I like to think that some Dr. Reid qualities have imbued themselves into my own personality a little bit. If nothing else, I've adopted his ever-changing hairstyles.

Tyler: I'll miss being an FBI badass. I'd love to take the FBI jacket, but it's absolutely illegal to walk around wearing it.

Vangsness: I can tell you what I won't miss. Garcia's glasses—because I have them all already. I've bought every pair she's ever worn, so I have a collection of around 65 at home. They remind me to be confident like her, to see life through her eyes. Garcia is my Sasha Fierce.

Brewster: I will miss the hot tub wine machine.

Hot tub wine machine?

Vangsness: You heard that right, mister. It's an epic hot tub party at my house that the women on the show have turned into a standing gig—or more like a floating gig.

Brewster: It's basically a therapy and gossip and splashing-around session fueled by chardonnay and rosé.

Tyler: And it's ladies only because it gets kinda frisky.

Rodriguez: This is a sore subject for me even as a very securely and happily married man.

Mantegna: They do send us pictures on group text, which is thoughtful of them.

Vangsness: I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to tell you that this fine tradition makes it into our last episode. I co-wrote the finale, and we tried to cram in as many little Easter eggs and satisfying plot tie-ups as we could, both for fans and for each other. So within the episode, you'll see the BAU version of hot tub time machine. We worked really hard solving these super-intense crimes over what will be 325 episodes. After all these years, don't you think we deserve a little spa time?

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

This Is How It Feels (number five x reader)

A/N: i made it into a fic,, like a highschool au,, hope you enjoy like,, idk, u know them typical fics where its like ‘i dare you to graft them’ or ‘pretend to date’ and then then end up liking each other or,, i dunno. I got pure carried away sorry.(ok so i made some names up for people so, your best friend is: Beth and Beths older brother is: Dante) i havent proof read sorry :(

spazclaiire said: hii could i request headcanons or a fix of excuses five has used to hold your hand or ‘four times five had an excuse to hold your hand and the one time he went for it’ please? thank youu

words:3350

Books weighed down your arms as they spilled over the threshold of your carrying limits, they were heavy, a mix of ring binders and oversized textbooks were making you sway like a drunk man. People barging past in steady streams didn’t help your balancing act either, stumbling every few seconds hoping that the library got closer quicker. 

Swinging open the door to the library your eyes scan the room for the table you and your friends usually sit at and by ‘usually’ you actually mean every single break you get, whether its just for 5 minuets or the full hour you get for lunch or free periods. The table in question even had all your names written on the underside along with other random scribblings and doodles. You make eye contact with a few people on your table as you get closer.

“Y/n, I’ve got some tea to spill, and it involves you!” Beth excitably suggests. Beth always had some new tea to spill, she was a see all hear all person, it also helped that her older brother was in the year above and in the group of the schools self proclaimed ‘bad boys’. She always knows what they’re planning, the who, what, why and where, she had it down to a T.

Speaking of ‘T’, any tea involving you wasn’t good, there had been drama circulating about you before and it took long enough for that to die down. You sigh, hoping it’s got nothing to do with the group of ‘bad boys’. “Go on then, spill.”

“Five Hargreeves has his eyes on you.” Of course, Five was the year above and one of the smartest students in the entire school. The only reason he even knew who you were is because his best friend is Beth’s brother and you were in his AP physics. He was also classed as the fittest boy in school with the worst reputation yet the cleanest slate. 

“For god’s sake, why?” The last thing you wanted was for Five to actually care about who you were, he was a heart breaker, something that you just didn’t need.

“I’m not too sure, I haven’t heard much about the plan, but there is a plan so just be cautious. He’s probably after you because you’re fit.” You smile at her words. “Are you in the art building for lunch again?” You just nod in response.

You had been spending an increasing amount of time in the art buildings, it was just a soft and aesthetically pleasing environment to be in and it meant you’d actually get your work done. You could sit and draw for hours but with how hectic life was the art buildings was a safe getaway. So at lunchtime that’s where you found yourself, aimlessly painting the view out of the window, fields and trees and streams filled the canvas. You were in your own world, minding your own business. 

“Your painting is really pretty, but not as pretty as you.” There it was, not only half a day after being warned about Five Hargreeves he was already trying to chat you up. He was leant against a wall behind you, scanning your figure and the painting. “And I was here thinking you were just a brain and a pretty face.” It was a pitiful, low effort attempt and a half-arsed compliment.

“What do you want, Hargreeves?” It may of sounded harsh but you didn’t want to deal with his bad attempts at flirting.

“Harsh much,” He jokingly placed a hand over his heart. “Listen I need a favour, all you have to do is walk out of this building holding my hand and pretend to date me for about 2 days maybe.” A shockingly fake smile spread across his face as he held his hand out.

“So let me guess,” You tapped your finger on your chin, mockingly thinking. “I’ll pretend to date you, you’ll win some sort of bet and then the best part is when you tell everyone we shagged then you dumped me right after!” You returned his bittersweet fake smile. “I’m going to have to pass Hargreeves, I’d rather not be apart of one of your silly little games.” 

With a tut, he turned around to leave the block not before having the last word. “You’ll fall in love with me eventually y/n, they always do.” You could help but to scoff as he walked out of the room, he was too cocky, all the years he always had any girl he ever wanted to drop at his feet but not you.

Time ticked away slowly until it came to AP Physics, it was a brutal way to end the day often ending with being completely worn out. You were concentrating on rearranging the equations that needed to be used, it was going well until a piece of scrunched paper landed where you were writing. You simply brush it to the side and continue with your work, you had a faint idea who it was from seen as Five sat on the opposite side of your table of 4, ideal, you know.

“y/n.”  His foot playfully tapped yours, causing you to roll your eyes. “Open it.” 

So you did, only to be met with the more than classy words ‘my offer still stands ;)’ You couldn’t believe it, looking him in the eyes you pretended to ponder his decision, swiftly followed by tearing the note up and sliding it back over to him. Fives mouth hung open, you smugly go back to what you were working on. 

Five was relatively quite for the rest of the class, resulting in it going much quicker than it normally would. He would sometimes answer questions but other than that there was no more chew from Five. In a blink of an eye it was time to go home to rest and recuperate from a long day of lessons, to prepare for the exact same the next day, the same as you do every day.

Five paced around his room, he hadn’t lost a bet yet and he wasn’t going to start losing them now. It was a simple bet, make y/n fall for him. Five didn’t particularly want to follow through with this bet, it wasn’t fair on y/n seen as she hadn’t done anything wrong to Five. Dante had only made Five do the bet as he knew Five used to have a slight thing for y/n, it was almost comedically convenient that Dante’s younger sister was best friends with y/n, Dante couldn’t help himself whenever y/n was around his house with Beth to make a comment about it. But despite all this, he couldn’t lose the bet.

The next day, Five had a plan, he knew that in AP Physics the teacher was about to set a new project to be completed in pairs, so naturally he went straight to the teacher. “Sir, for that paired project I really think I should work with y/n, we’d work so well together.” He practically begged his teacher.

“I’ll think about it Five, but if I do place you together, please make an effort to improve your behaviour. It’s your last year and you have such great potential, don’t waste it.” The spiel was met by a roll of Fives eyes followed by a muttered ‘sure’. Five regularly got this talk all the time, everyone says that he needs to focus his academic knowledge into something, anything, but he’s just not motivated by anything. Everything had either been invented or is being invented so there was just no point in trying.

The weekend drew closer with every ticking minuet, teasing you with every small movement of the hands, counting down like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You were sat in your last lesson, AP Physics, took your seat and took out your supplies. You lazily observed as the rest of your class walked in, you gave and received a few smiles to and from various classmates until last person the last person in, Five Hargreeves, he waltzed into the room with confidence oozing from him. 

Before Five had a chance to speak the teacher was already up and writing the title on the board ‘electromagnetism’. As soon as the words appeared on the board a collective groan of despair was heard throughout the room. 

“So,” The teacher started, clearly enjoying the sudden drop in mood. “I know how much you all love electromagnetism, so what were going to do is work in pairs to create a powerpoint and a poster covering all the aspects of electromagnetism!” The room livened up a bit at the prospect of working with a friend, that was until the teacher continued. “I have put you in pairs, so listen in as I call the pairs out and then move next to your new physics partner.”

People moved about the room to sit next to their project partner, you listened closely to hear who you’d be partnered with this time. “Y/n?” “Sir.” “You’re with Five Hargreeves.” You see Fives face light up as he slides his books across the desk the the seat next to yours, the smug grin never leaving his face once. 

You begin to write down what you had to do for the presentation, feeling Fives eyes stare into the side of your head. “So over the weekend can you do as much research on magnetic flux, flux density and field strength and I’ll cover BH curves and permeability, does that sound good?”  

“Why don’t we just meet up over the weekend and make a start together?” He nudged your elbow, your pen run up your page, ruining the word you were writing.

“Can’t. I’m working all weekend.” Which was met with a small ‘o’ from Five, he turns way and messily scribbles on a sheet of paper and then slides it back over to you. 

“Well if you can’t meet up this weekend then at least have my number.” You slightly smile and fold the piece of paper up and slip it into your notebook. Before Five could slip in another word the bell rang, signalling the end of the day. You say your goodbyes and begin the walk home, it was a fairly long walk home maybe reaching around 30 minuets but it was always a pretty sight to walk through the woods during the spring, pink petals from the cherry blossoms littered the ground, colouring the dull world waking up from winter.

Once home you stared at the crumpled paper with Fives number on it, also noticing the smaller scribbled snapchat username. It felt like a smarter decision just to add him on snap for now but save his number in your contacts, just in case. As soon as you added him he accepted within a matter of seconds, followed by a picture message ‘hey x’ it read. You simply send a picture back of your blank wall and place your phone down, you let a small laugh as your phone buzzes again. 

Sitting at your desk, you pulled out your books and your laptop to make a start on the physics work. You just couldn’t help but check what Five had responded, clicking his name you were met with his face in a pout. You respond with a picture of you sticking your tongue out, which got a response quickly. This stream of photos carried on until the early hours of the morning not even realising the time and that in a mere 6 hours you had to go to work, you send ‘night’ to Five and place your phone on the side, a small smile on your face as you drifted to sleep.

Five laid awake, considering calling the bet off all together. Hours of talking to y/n only felt like minuets, Five wanted to get to know y/n on his own terms not on the terms of a bet. He shouldn’t of accepted the bet to begin with, his competitiveness got the best of him. 

The weekend went far to quickly for your liking, mixed with work and school work. Five was also non-stop messaging you throughout the weekend, he found a way to talk to you about everything and anything, often sending long video messages of him walking round his giant house, you could always hear the shouts of his siblings in the background.

Monday nights were the one night of the week that you enjoyed, Monday was movie night at Beth’s house. The night usually went that straight after school you’d take over the living room, bringing out the blankets and extra pillows, you would both then decide what films to watch and what food to get. Once that was all done you’d both bunker down and start the movies, getting ready for a long night.

About halfway through the first movie Five and Dante slowly made their way into the main room, stealing some of your pizza before sitting down on the sofa to join you. Five took a seat next to you while Dante sat on an armchair, Five pulled your blanket so it was covering both of you, leaning back into the sofa you could feel physically how close he was to you and it was driving you mad.

Beth caught your eyes and wiggled her eyebrows, you responded by sending a cheeky wink with a joking smile. As the night moved on and the movies continued, you and Five slowly moved closer throughout the movie marathon, it couldn’t of been helped, you were both like two magnets. 

The final scene in The Breakfast Club was playing, both Beth and Dante had already fallen asleep, you felt Fives hand touch the side of yours. You slightly push your hand back against his, welcoming the warmth as his touch, your reaction invited him to link his fingers with yours. Light from the TV bounced off the features of his face, defining his angled lines of his face, you couldn’t deny that he was handsome, very handsome. 

The screen of the TV turned dark as you used the remote to switch it off, a dim glow of the moon shone through the open windows, the moment was romantic, overly romantic but it was the sleepiness making you ignore the voice that was screaming that he didn’t mean it, he had an end game and you couldn’t forget that. 

You pulled your hand from Five and lean over to Beth and lightly shake her shoulders. “Beth, its 20 past 1, I think it’s time to go to bed.” She responds by making some unclear noises and began to sit up, you smile and stand up pulling her with you. You spare a glance back at Five before continuing upstairs, unable to stop the tingling feeling in your hand.

Eventually, you had to meet up with Five to work on the physics project, you both hadn’t spoken since Monday night. Well not exactly, Five had been messaging you a lot but you just hadn’t been responding because all you could think about was if he had a possible end game. You didn’t want to get played by Five.

You heard soft steps getting closer, you look up to meet Fives eyes. “Hey.” He spoke in a soft voice in the quiet library. He pulled a chair out from besides you and sat down, pulling his textbooks out of his bag. You both made small talk during your work, it was a nice atmosphere in the library, a nice atmosphere between you and Five with no looming pressure after what happened Monday night.

A breeze drifted through the large room, causing you to break out in goosebumps and shiver. You decided that morning that you could just wear a T-shirt with no jacket as the sun was out, how wrong you were when dark clouds swarmed over. 

“Do you want to borrow my hoodie?” Five asked, but he was already taking it off to give to you.

“Oh no Five it’s okay, it’s my own fault I forgot my jacket. Anyways what would you wear?” Despite how cold you were you really didn’t want to borrow Fives hoodie, he would be just as cold as you were.

“No please y/n, take it. I’ve got an extra jacket in my locker anyways.” He pushed his hoodie into your hands. You could tell he was probably lying about it but you sheepishly took his hoodie and put it on, it was warm and you couldn’t help but smile a little bit. 

You mutter your thanks, a warm flush coming over your face as you continue to work on your project until your next lesson. Once the bell rang, you both left to opposite directions, you completely forgot that you had Fives hoodie on until you sat next to Beth in english to be passed a scrap piece of paper with scribbled writing ‘That’s not your hoodie???’ you smile at the sheet and just write back ‘Five’s’ 

You didn’t see Five for the rest of the day until you got a message during the last lesson. ‘meet me near math class at the end of the day x’ It wasn’t a question, he was telling you. You send an ‘ok’ and continue with your lesson, constantly distracted by the ticking arms of the clock, counting down it’s last minuets.

As the clock strikes 3 you make your way to the math department, you were fighting against the tide as everyone rushed to get out of school. As the crowed begun to thin you saw Five standing outside the maths classroom, standing hoodie-less. He made his way towards you, smile present on his face.

“Where’s this jacket that was meant to be in your locker?” He just laughs and shrugs his shoulders.

“I mean my hoodie looks better on you than it did on me so I don’t mind.” You smile at him and begin your decent through the school. “So I was thinking we could just like, go for a walk? It’s just nice spending time with you.”

You both aimlessly wandered around town until finding a small cafe to reside in when the weather started to turn, Five had a black coffee and you had a hot chocolate. The room was filled with noise from others in the cafe and also from the outside world that couldn’t reach you in your own little world.

“Five, not to sound daft or anything but are you still trying to do this for the bet or are you being genuine?” You didn’t want to sound harsh but you were still unsure if this was genuine or just an oscar winning act.

“y/n,” He reached over and took your hand. “I called the bet off just before Monday night, as soon as I came to the school and saw you I knew straight away I wanted to be with you.” He ran his thumb gently over your knuckles. “I know you wont trust me right away but I want to make you trust me, I want you to feel the same way about me as I do for you.”

“Okay.”

All it took was that one word to kickstart your time with Five. It started small, handholding any chance he got, he seemed to always need to be close, holding and hugging you. He was so affectionate and almost touched starved, begging like a stray puppy. Five slowly gained your trust and love for him, he had an infinite amount of hoodies and oversized T-shirts, truth be told you were pretty sure Five just loved to see you in his clothes.

You and Five were cuddled up on your bed, he was running his fingers through your hair as light cut through the curtains, lighting the room in a heavenly glow. Five placed a kiss on the side on your head, pulling you closer as he did. 

“Y/n, I think I’m in love with you.” You smile and lean into his embrace.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Five.”

[deans-baby-momma]

Rebel Without A Cause-Ch 14

Dean is completely dumbfounded by Maggie’s question. He can't help but admit that the thought had crossed his mind while he was on stage. Even if it hadn’t been her, he would probably be wooing the stranger as his next conquest.

This was no stranger, though; this was Maggie. Sweet and pure Maggie, innocent and good. Dean takes a look at the person in front of him. He can tell she’s nervous and skittish like she could bolt at any time. 

He wonders briefly if she has ever done anything like this before. Has she ever been involved in any type of scandalous activity? Has she ever even had sex before? Then he remembers her story about Luke, the live-in boyfriend that fucked her over. 

This woman before him, at 24 years old, is a freaking goddess. Dean is sure she has men flocking to her constantly. He admonishes himself for thinking that. The beauty in front of him certainly has to fight off the wanna-be suitors. 

When Maggie lowers her head and pushes her hair behind her ear, a definite tell that she was feeling apprehensive and hesitant and doubting herself, Dean realizes he hasn’t answered her.

“Mags,” Dean begins, earnestly. “There’s nothing more I’d rather do.” And it was true. In the years since his and Lisa’s breakup, Dean had often thought of her, wondered what had become of her. And now he had his answer.  She had grown up, gotten away from her family’s criticizing eyes and blossomed into the vision before him.

Maggie’s head jerks up at his admission, a shy smile on her face. Dean scoots closer and cups her cheek in his shaking palm. “Can I kiss you Mags? Would that be okay?”

Maggie nods her head slightly, not wanting to lose the pleasure of Dean’s touch. “Yes,” she whispers and watches as he leans in. Maggie is anxious about this turn of events and can tell Dean is too. His hand on her cheek is shaking and sweaty and the expression in his juniper eyes is one of uneasiness. She can appreciate the sentiment. 

They’ve known each other for close to 10 years; he saw her at her lowest when her sister and mother would put her down for whatever they found worthy of belittlement. Now here they were, about to embark on something neither of them would have ever dreamed of. 

The first touch of Dean’s lips against her own is sublime. His plump, luscious lips move over hers with ease. Maggie couldn’t believe what was happening. She was kissing Dean Winchester, THE Dean Winchester, lead singer of the Winchester Sex Bombs and ex-boyfriend of her sister. Some might say this was revenge on Lisa for all the years of torture and humiliation she had put Maggie through but they would never know. They didn’t know that Maggie used to watch Lisa with Dean and imagine him as hers; that she would fantasize about those green eyes looking at her with the love and devotion he gave her sister.  No, they would just assume this had been her plan all along, to track down Dean and sleep with him to take it back home and throw in Lisa’s face. That was actually farthest from the truth.

When Maggie had been approached in the club by the crewmember to come backstage and meet the band, she never dreamed that it was because Dean had recognized her. She had lost all the weight that Lisa used to make fun of her for, her hair was now bouncy and soft, not the thin and greasy mess of her younger years. Hell, she even finally understood how to put on makeup to make it look like she wasn’t wearing hardly any at all. But even with all those changes Dean had remembered her and wanted to see her. Teenager Maggie was cheering in triumph.

Dean tilts his head, changing the angle of the kiss and licks along the closed seam of Maggie’s lips asking for entry, which she joyfully grants. As his tongue dances with hers, she can’t stop the moan that escapes. She feels Dean’s lips stretch into a smile as his hand moves from her cheek to tangle in the hair on the back of her head. Maggie feels dizzy as Dean deepens the kiss, now exploring every crevice of her mouth. He pulls away, only far enough to place his forehead against hers. Maggie opens her eyes to meet his. “Want to go back to my room?” Dean asks,  breathlessly. 

Maggie feels comfortable with Dean. She knows him, he is a friend. So when he asks her to accompany him back to his room, she doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Yea.”

Dean unlocks and opens the door to his room, holding it open for Maggie to enter first. She walks into the room, looking around nonchalantly. The area was like a living room and kitchen combined. On one side is a sofa, a couple of plush chairs and a television sits on a built-in bookcase against the wall. The curtains on the windows are open and Maggie can see the lights from the street lamps glowing. The other side contains a full-size refrigerator, a counter-top stove and a table with four chairs around it.  

Maggie turns to watch Dean walk into the room, closing the door behind him. “So, you all share a room?” she asks, as she notices the closed doors that no doubt lead to a room for each bandmate. Maggie wonders which one is Dean’s.

“Uh, yea. I guess they think it’s cheaper than leasing four separate rooms,” Dean answers as he pockets the keycard. “Want something to drink?” he asks anxiously as he starts for the kitchen area. ‘Get a grip, Dean. This is just like any other night.’ he thinks to himself. But he knows that’s not true. This isn’t just some random girl; no, this is Maggie. The girl he has known for years, the girl he has wondered about throughout the time he lost contact with her family. The woman standing in front of him was that little girl. He couldn’t believe that she was here, in his room, with him. That she knows what she’s here for, that they are going to have sex!

“No,” she replies and Dean stops his journey, looking over at her. “I thought we were going to have sex,” she says bluntly, making Dean swallow hard. 

“Um, yea. Yea. That’s...that’s what we’re going to do,” Dean stutters. He can’t believe the way he’s acting. If any of his friends could see him now, they would be making fun of him for sure. He was a rockstar, dammit! He wasn’t supposed to be flustered because there was a gorgeous woman in front of him, ready to give herself to him. 

“Which one is yours?” Maggie asks, pointing toward the doors. 

“The second one,” Dean answers and watches her walk to the mentioned door and open it. 

“You coming?” Maggie asks as she disappears into the room. Dean takes a moment to catch his breath and walks toward the door. The sight inside though has him almost cumming in a whole different way.

Maggie has removed her jeans and is sitting on the end of his bed, her right hand in her panties. He can tell by the movement that she is playing with her clit. Dean’s dick twitches at the sight and knowledge that if he could just get his feet to move, he could be doing that for her. Instead, he just stands there, frozen, watching as Maggie pleasures herself, her breath choppy and uneven. 

“Dean,” she whimpers, bringing him from his trance. He finally can move and he joins her on the bed. Dean places a finger under her chin and lifts her face to his. 

“Does that feel good, baby? That pussy all wet and needy?”

“Yes. God, yes!”

“I bet it tastes like heaven,” Dean continues, looking back and forth between her lust-filled eyes. “You gonna let me taste you, Maggie? Let me give you the satisfaction you’re searching for?”

“Uh-huh,” Maggie answers as she begins panting. She falls back on the bed and begins to try to take her panties off. In his haste, Dean grabs the fabric and rips it away, displaying Maggie’s smooth cunt to him. He falls to his knees between her legs and leans forward,  breathing in her scent. His mouth waters and he doesn’t wait a second more before he lunges in. 

The first taste is tangy and bittersweet but the more Dean works his tongue over Maggie’s clit and lips, the more it becomes sweet as honey. As he presses the flat of his tongue against her bundle of nerves, Dean teases her entrance with his fingertips, making Maggie moan out loud above him.

"Oh god, Dean," she mutters in complete bliss. She begins gyrating her hips, trying to get his fingers to penetrate. He happily obliges and is unsurprised to find difficulty getting too far in. Maggie's pussy is tight and narrow; he realizes then he has his work cut out for him to get her prepared for his dick. 

"Relax, baby. Let me in," he soothes. "I don't want to hurt you. That's it," he says as he feels her loosen up. "Gotta get you ready to take me," he explains as he begins scissoring his index finger and middle finger inside her. He kisses the inside of her thigh and then goes back to nibbling and sucking her clit.  

Maggie's hands are fisted in the sheets as Dean continues his ministrations.  It feels so good that she can already feel the coil tensing in her abdomen. 

Maggie focuses on what is going on between her legs and tries her damnedest to heed Dean's encouragement and stay calm. The spring snaps and she begins convulsing through the first orgasm in a long time that wasn’t self-aided. With a smile, she unclenches a fist and reaches down to run her fingers through Dean's hair. 

"I forgot how good those feel-" she murmurs. "-when they're not self-induced."

Dean sits back on his heels, a satisfied look gracing his face. "Baby, that ain't nothin'. I'm gonna make you feel so good." Rocking back, he climbs to his feet and stands over Maggie. She sits up and can see the definitive evidence of his arousal pressing against the front of his jeans.

Reaching out, Maggie grabs the waistband of his jeans and pulls him towards her. She gets straight to work unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper down.  She hears him let out a breath and realizes he must have been feeling trapped in the tight garment. Maggie pushes the loosened fabric over his hips, getting her first look at his length, concealed with cobalt blue boxer briefs. Even covered she can see why he had been adamant in preparing her. He's definitely the longest she's ever had and the circumference….she wonders if she will be able to take him. She’s determined to try, though.

Maggie looks up at Dean through her lashes as she tugs his boxers over his erection and he throws her a smile. Glancing down, Maggie is taken aback by the sheer size of him. She had known he was big just by the bulge in his boxers but she hadn't realized just how well endowed Dean Winchester actually was. 'Lisa was one lucky bitch,' Maggie thinks. Or so she thought. Apparently, she had breathed the sentiment aloud because Dean chuckles and said, "Oh, I've grown since those days baby. What Lisa got was teenager dick. This is all man!"

Wrapping her hand around his meaty base, Maggie watches Dean suck in a breath. Ever so slowly, she leans in and twirls her tongue around the leaking tip, tasting the saltiness of the pre-cum. Dean breathes out above her and she gently sucks the tip into her mouth. 

“Oh, fuck!” Dean sighs out and places a hand on the back of her head. Building momentum, Maggie begins bobbing her head, taking in as much of his dick as she can and what she can’t fit into her mouth she uses her hand to rub up and down the silky shaft. Dean’s grip on her head contracts and he starts lazily thrusting his hips towards her face. She smiles around him as she lets him plunge into her mouth, only gagging when he gets too deep and invades her throat. “Oh, sorry,” Dean apologizes, pulling back.

Maggie lets the tip slide off her tongue and looks up at Dean. “Dean, fuck me.”

In a blur, Dean has Maggie laid back on the bed, her head on a pillow and his body hovering over her. He is kissing her breathless and rutting his hard cock against her thigh. Maggie’s head is spinning with stimulation and exhilaration. After all these years, she finally gets to have Dean, after years of pining and watching him with Lisa, she gets to experience what she dreamed about in her younger years. 

Dean pulls back from kissing her to mumble, “I gotta get a condom.”

Maggie opens her eyes, meeting his lust-blown pupils and says, “I’m clean and on the pill. You don’t have to use one if you don’t want to.”

DEAN’S POV

Going bareback is something I have never done before; I have always worn a condom. With Lisa, it was to prevent a teenage pregnancy but with all the girls after the concerts, it was a conscious decision to avoid contracting some disease or sickness. I knew I was clean, as were the other members of the band but when you’re screwing different, random chicks nightly, it was better to be safe than sorry.

When Maggie tells me I don’t have to use a condom if I don’t want to, I swear to God my dick gets even harder. Knowing that I was not only going to feel how tight she is but that there would also be no barrier between my skin and hers is thrilling. It’s going to be a first for sure.

As soon as the head of my dick touches her wet folds, I have to grit my teeth in order not to cum immediately. I am bound to make this as good for her as I possibly can but I am beginning to doubt how long I will actually last. 

The first nudge into her body doesn’t get me far but my God, I don’t need to be deep to be able to feel how wonderful it is to be inside a woman sans protection. Fuck, it feels amazing. I pull out a little only to nudge in, getting a bit farther as she relaxes and adjusts to the intrusion. With a few more attempts, I am finally fully seated inside her tight, wet, hot as hell pussy and am struggling like hell not to come right away. 

Maggie begins gyrating her hips and sliding along my length and I have to lay my forehead on her shoulder it feels that damn good! I casually begin bucking into her, increasing the speed and depth as I go. 

“Oh god, Dean!” Maggie screams as she wraps her legs around my waist and her arms encircle my neck. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! OH, god! I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum!”

“Come on, Mags,” I encourage her. “Cum on my dick. Let me feel that sweet pussy cum all over me.” I start really pounding into her as her screams continue to rise. I’m pretty sure the whole town is going to know I’m fucking my ex-girlfriend’s baby sister. 

As her body clamps down on me and I slow my thrusts, I feel her getting wetter and then without even realizing it, I am pumping ropes upon ropes of my seed inside her. I hadn’t meant to do that; although she had said she was on the pill I had planned to be cautious and pull out but alas, I didn’t. Oh well. If I had a kid with anyone, Maggie Fitzgerald would be the first on my list.

I kiss her through the after-effects of our simultaneous orgasms and as soon as my dick quits twitching I pull out and roll over.

I go to pull Maggie to my side and she’s frozen. I look over to see she is staring toward the end of the bed. I look in that direction to see Benny standing there, dick in hand, pumping furiously. 

Before I can think of what to say, Maggie jumps up, pulls her clothes on and runs from the room. I catch up to her in the main area of our room, where there are a number of people going at it.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” I begin, reaching out for her arm. “I forgot to lock the door. Benny usually joins me.”

“Get away from me!” she screams, bringing the activities in the room to a stop, everyone looking at us. “I can’t believe you, Dean! You let him watch us, you knew he was going to be there! You are not the person that I thought you were. I hate you, you bastard!” 

And with that, Margaret Fitzgerald walks out of my life. I lower my head only to realize I’m standing there in the middle of the room where people are slowly beginning to go back to having sex with my flaccid, cum covered dick exposed. No wonder Maggie wanted to get away from me. I don’t even care that my junk is on display.

Maggie’s POV

I rush out of the room and am met with a sight I just couldn’t believe- a whole room of people were having sex! What the hell did I get myself into? I finish slipping my shoes on as I hear the clamor of voices, high and low, call out in various stages of euphoria but before I can get to the door, Dean stops me. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he says. “I forgot to lock the door. Benny usually joins me.”

“Get away from me!” I scream, and it goes silent in the room. I look behind Dean and see the drummer standing there with a bright smile on his face. He winks at me and I shudder. “I can’t believe you, Dean! You let him watch us, you knew he was going to be there! You are not the person that I thought you were. I hate you, you bastard!” 

I run from the room, tears flowing down and make my way back to my car. 

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