#is so fitting for stede omfg

[flownintothesun]

 ⋆ ✰ ⋆ ───    “𝐘𝐨𝐮, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞! 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤! 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫! 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤!” [𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐲]

                            ⋆ ✰ ⋆ ─── 𝟒𝟎𝟒 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. ( @tatteredxsails )

       𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘, 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐄 that giggling is only going to make matters worse. When she’d set out to become a pirate — this isn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. It’s a joke, the whole lot of it. The problem is that it’s a rather funny one — and she’s found herself endeared to them all and their incompetence in the time that they’ve spent together. “Oh, come on now, Captain,” she teases gently, “It doesn’t look any more ridiculous than the suits. Besides, it’s just hair — it’ll, you know, grow back. It’s what hair does. It isn’t my fault you thought I knew what I was doing just because I’m a woman. I did choose piracy over beauty, probably should have tipped you off. I just thought it might be fun. And think about it this way — everyone’s sure to pay attention to you now. And laugh! Laughing’s good — great morale for the crew. I could — try to fix it...” she adds on, holding up the scissors with a sly grin, which only makes a little giggle spill out after all.

[iris-writesx]

i found myself running home to your sweet nothings | gentlebeard

read it here or read it on ao3 <3

i wrote this entire thing in basically two hours when i was supposed to be sleeping… oops

there’s just something about them being all fluffy and domestic that actually drives me crazy omfg what i would give

title is from “sweet nothing” by taylor swift x

1.9k words — fluff, mild hurt-comfort, the intimacy of peeling your lover an orange

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Stede didn’t like being bedridden. He felt at his best when he was up on deck with his crew, laughing and helping out and just — just being involved. He loved being Captain; he put in love where his crew was concerned, really really cared for them all. They were his family, really — his sea family, and he loved it. Stede put his all into the crew, and over the past few weeks they hadn’t really stopped; from the impromptu birthday party for Frenchie — who hadn’t actually known his birthday, so the crew had picked one at random — to replenishing the stocks, to the last few raids, and after all that they had ended up getting caught in a storm once they were back out in open waters.

So, he was feeling a little burnt out, if he was being completely honest. Not sick, just… tired.

It wasn’t helping that he had been feeling anxious for some time, a gnawing fearful buzz at the back of his mind, constantly, even when nothing was actually wrong.

Ed had noticed it — of course he had, his Ed was so perceptive. But, Stede supposed that it was a bit apparent when he had broken down in frustrated tears when he couldn’t find one of his cufflinks that morning. He had been so embarrassed, the image of his father in his mind scolding him for making a scene, for being childish. He had almost expected the same reprimand to come from Ed, for him to grow fed up or disgusted or, god forbid, found it funny.

But of course he hadn’t. It was Ed.

He had helped Stede undress, wiped his tears until he had calmed, and then coaxed Stede back beneath the covers of his bed with the promise of breakfast, and left their quarters.

Which is where Stede found himself, watching out of his bedside window as he awaited Ed’s return.

It really wasn’t a big deal. Everybody grew tired, they were pirates of course they did, but Stede trusted Ed — trusted him with his life — so he trusted his opinion, and was obedient enough to it to stay beneath the covers as he waited.

And he hadn’t actually been looking forward to the day, when he had lifted himself out of bed that morning and found that his head felt too-heavy, and his chest ached, and he felt like he might snap — which, he supposed he did over the blasted cufflinks.

His tears had long since stopped falling, and he did not want to cry again after Ed had spent so much time delicately wiping his tears and whispering sweet nothings to him, but his waterline burned at the thought of his behaviour that morning. If it had been anybody else, Stede would have forced himself to get on with the day, wouldn’t have let the tears fall, but it had been Ed.

Ed had a knack at breaking down his defences, crumbling them in his hands like one could crumble chalk.

“Stede, love, check this shit out,” his eyes had lifted to watch Ed knock the door open with his boot and stepped into the room, a tray in one hand and a mug in the other, and after he had bumped the door shut again with his hip, he made his way over to the bed with what he was carrying. “Nice fuckin’ breakfast today, Roach even had oranges! I know you love those,” the tray was settled on the little table he had by his bedside, and Stede leaned up enough to see the contents of his breakfast; toast, a bowl of oats with what looked like honey drizzled over the top, an orange, and a handful of nuts. “A breakfast fit for a King- or, s’pose, fit for a Captain.”

Stede looked back up at Ed, and the joyous expression on his face was enough for Stede to smile back. His happiness was just so contagious. Ed’s anger could brew storms, could swallow ships up whole into the depths below — he had seen it first hand on many occasions — but his happiness? It was unmatched. It made the air around him seem lighter, made life seem better.

It made everything that they had been through to get to that point worth it.

“You didn’t have to do all of that,” Stede spoke softly as Ed perched on the bed beside his legs, a hand falling atop the covers to stroke Stede’s thigh through the fabric. “It’s too lovely, darling.”

“Pssh, nonsense. I’m just serving my Captain,” Ed wriggled his eyebrows and coaxed a laugh from Stede. “Now c’mon, eat your oats, I’ll get started on cracking this fucker open.” He passed over the bowl of oats before he took the orange into his hands, and pierced the skin at the top with his thumb as Stede spooned the first mouthful of his breakfast between his lips.

“I thought Roach was using those to make a cake.” He mumbled around the food in his mouth as he gestured to the orange. Stede hadn’t felt hungry at all, but the oats settled nicely in his stomach, and he realised that Ed was probably better at taking care of him than himself.

“Oh, yeah he is,” Ed nodded, started dropping little pieces of orange peel onto the tray. “Had to sneak it out of the kitchen in my shirt, Lucius tried to take one before me and he got yelled at.”

“Ed!” Stede scolded, nudged his hip with his foot underneath the covers.

Ed looked amused more than anything, was smiling all hugely when he looked up and met his gaze. “What? Cake’s not gonna taste any fuckin’ different with one less orange, love,” he shrugged. “Would much rather make you happy with it, anyways.”

By that point the entire room smelled like oranges. It was refreshing, made him feel a little better as he took a deep inhale of the scent.

“Well, then I suppose I should say thank you,” Stede smiled at him, and leaned over to put his bowl back on the tray when he was done with it. “But if Roach asks, I had nothing to do with it. You can go down for that one yourself.”

Ed snorted a quiet laugh. “Blackbeard’s worst crime, the theft of a single orange,” he placed a slice of the fruit into Stede’s palm, before popping a second into his own mouth. “D’you think I’ll be drawn and quartered for it?”

An entertained smile was growing on Stede’s lips as he nodded his head. “Most certainly. It’s a very serious crime, I’ll have you know.”

“That makes you my accomplice,” Ed grinned as he passed him a few more slices of orange. “If I go down, you’re going down with me, mate.”

“What?” Stede asked, faux shock in his tone. “How am I your accomplice? I didn’t help you steal it.”

“No, but you’re doing a lovely job at getting rid of the evidence for me.”

Stede chewed the last orange slice, swallowed, before, “Well, it’s quite tasty evidence.”

“Face it, you’re a scoundrel just like I am.” Ed grinned at him, playfully squeezed his thigh through the covers, before he reached over to the tray and handed Stede one of the slices of toast.

Between them they finished the breakfast that Ed had so lovingly brought him, and by the time the last mouthful of his tea was swallowed, Stede really did feel better. He was still getting used to this — getting cared for out of something more than necessity. His father had only cared for him, if he could even call it that, because he was his son, and the crew only cared for him because he was their Captain. But Ed? He cared for him because he loved him. It had taken some time for Stede to get used to the idea, to push past the thought that perhaps it was all a rouse and he didn’t really care, but as Ed moved their tray aside and kissed his forehead, he really was starting to believe that he did.

“Alright, budge up, make room,” Ed kicked off his boots by the side of the bed, before he began poking at Stede’s side until he pulled a laugh from his chest. “Let me in let me in-”

“Okay okay, impatient much?” Stede laughed as he shuffled over enough for Ed to clamber into the bed beside him. It took a little bit of adjusting, but eventually they settled with Ed’s arm stretched out beneath their pillows, facing each other with Stede’s head laid upon his bicep through the pillow.

“How’re you feeling now?” Ed’s voice took on a much softer tone than he’d had at breakfast as he asked, and lifted his spare hand to stroke along his cheek lovingly. Stede keened into the touch, his eyelids fluttered, and part of him was surprised that he hadn’t simply started to purr like a kitten.

“Better,” he sighed out, felt the anxiousness of the morning leave his body with the sigh, and turned his head until he could delicately press a kiss against Ed’s wrist. For a moment he held it there, felt the drumming pulse beneath his lips, and couldn’t help but smile. “Much better. Thank you, darling.”

Ed shrugged, and leaned forwards until he could lay his own lips upon Stede’s forehead. “It’s no bother, I just want you to feel better.” He mumbled the words against Stede’s skin before he pulled away with an exaggerated puckering sound that left Stede breathing out a laugh.

“You smell like oranges.” He commented, nose crinkled fondly when he looked up the meet the warm brown depths of Ed’s eyes.

“Oh yeah?” He held an amused glint in his eye as he leaned forwards until there was no space between them at all, and pressed his mouth to Stede’s in a sweet kiss. “Well you taste like oranges.”

As if there was a point to be proven, Ed’s arm curled up from beneath the pillow and hooked behind Stede’s neck and brought him closer until he could kiss him properly, took his time with it; lips molding against his perfectly, tongue sweeping behind his teeth like he was actually trying to taste the orange slices that he had eaten, all heavy breaths and content little noises.

Stede was smiling so widely by the time he pulled away that his face almost hurt with it. “Well-” he huffed out, a little flustered — face hot with it — and he didn’t miss the little smirk across Ed’s lips at the sight. “Well, now we both taste like oranges, so really, I could just tell the authorities that you ate the evidence all by yourself, and I’d get off scott free.”

“Is that right?” Ed raised his eyebrows, and as he spoke his fingers had started stroking the back of Stede’s neck until he started to melt against the pillows. “You’d really turn me in?”

“Mm,” Stede hummed. “Imagine the reward I’d get for turning in Blackbeard.” He teased, laughed when Ed just rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss him again.

Though, whilst he sank into the warmth of Ed’s embrace in their bed, he had no doubt that it was a much bigger reward that he had him all to himself.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

comments would mean the world <3 requests are open!

[torc87]

OFMD Season 2 Episode 8 Thoughts

Ok, , now we know that the whole 'never killed any man after my father ' thing was a flat out bold faced lie. Not just a 'the ocean killed them, the fire, than man I ordered' but just a bold faced lie. Ed killed the two navy soldiers w his bare hands. That is Not a man who hasn't killed in 30 years.

Also, did he fucking get DRESSED UNDER WATER? He comes out of the waves fully dressed, and in prepared to ignore his clothes not being washed away by the waves or that he could find them again, but he put on leather under water? W boots? Huh?

Swede being a poison tester - Ricky is very very cunning. Though ...this is Spanish Jackie. She killed Geraldo herself just bc he was a hostage to One single person. I find it a bit surprising she wouldn't poison the Swede if it meant getting her bar back. Not to mention, she is in Danger from Ricky. He has a grudge w her, much bigger than Jim's issue bc Jim's was indirectly w Jackie. Ricky is vengeful and clever and cruel. And ...um the song about British not being slaves, sung in the bar of a black woman who is Not British, feels very very threatening to me. I am very shocked that Jackie doesn't poison them all, Swede being a cold blooded collateral damage.

Poor Zheng! Stede is really really trying to be sympathetic but omg is he bad at it! He is not getting that he went apeshit at losing 2 of his crew ( I'm not counting Archie, he barely knew her), two of his crew he had known for a year or two at best, while Zheng lost, permanently, every single person she knew or cared about for decades ( however long conquering China took). And possibly a blood family member if Auntie is literal. He could stand to show more care. It's like he only shows that side competently to Ed.

Omg the reversal of Ed's little 'i am one w nature's talk! I was waiting w baited breath for him to remember he HATES nature. But this was even better. But good on him on not lashing out at Pop-pop. Blackbeard would have strangled him back. Hope his days of sitting and thinking did him some good!

We get confirmation! Ed can read!

( Also, how did the soldiers know it was a letter between men? Nothing they read says that. It could have been from a woman)

Izzy is famous! More confirmation that he is well known and probably expected Stede to recognize his name and know his captain. The Great Izzy Hands. He has a reputation of his own!

Also omfg is Ed good at fighting! He was facing such a horde of soldiers alone!

The mimic of the dream running to each other scene!

And then blame!

Reality!

Zheng is Still fighting if the English!

Auntie being a mirror of Izzy and admitting that Zheng needed more soft in her life and Auntie was trying to protect her but she can't do soft herself!!! That is putting Izzy's motivation to hate Stede so bluntly!

Izzy sounds amazing in that scene, fierce and defending his crew and strong....and I kinda miss him being cringe-fail. Awkward ineffective little turtle-duck.

Omg Yes! I knew Spanish Jackie would poison them! The poison training is a surprise.

Um, after all of Stede's "we need a plan" the three of them just rushed in there w out a plan?! Really?

They took some blokes UNDERWEAR?! wtf wtf wtf?

Ed actually Noticing Izzy falling behind! Finally.

No no no no no no no no no no no!!!!! He was JUST starting to move beyond Blackbeard! Just starting to enjoy being on the crew, getting friends, rebuilding his connection to Ed!!! No no no no no not fair!!!

Hmm, Buttons landing on Izzy's grave....interesting. Maybe he is magic. Though I still say it would be funnier if he walked off and Ed just didn't notice.

Aw, the wedding! How fitting that the crew does the ceremony. Ed and Stede aren't captains anymore. Though I'm surprised Zheng isn't.

Also, where are the other 19 of Jackie's husband's? If they died...um...she's acting like she has one.

And...ok, weird ending to a pirate show w the main characters not pirating.

[omoghouls]

Sicky ed who wont admit that hes sick until he coughs too hard while on deck and floods his pants. Stede just watches him pitifully anf waits until the hissing & splattering comes to an end and his cocaptain’s puddle is finished growing to help clean him up and comfort him

Edddd omfg 😭 He's fuking Blackbeard, the fearsome pirate, of course he doesn't get sick! Or so he tries to convince others and himself-

He probably downed a bunch of water and tea to soothe his dry throat and "fix" himself so he's ready for the next raid.

But, he's coughing and sniffling, when the crew give him looks, he just waves it off as pollen from a nearby island (they're in the middle of the sea, miles from land). Stede comes over to Ed, asking him if he's really alright.

As Ed is about to grumble out a stern "No" he has a coughing fit, a strong one ends it which,,,,has the man flooding his pants, Ed just has to wearily stand there as his sick weakened bladder gives in- leaving the deck in stunned silence.

When he's finished, Stede gently ushers Ed down to the cabin- leaving Fang or whoever to clap their hands and say "Alright,back to work you all!"

Ed finally admits to the fact he's sick- which, Stede bites back a chuckle because that's been obvious all day. But, Stede just rubs Ed's shoulder, telling him it's alright, they'll get him cleaned up and then straight to bed for some much required rest♡

[theforgottengreatpoem]

I posted 6,805 times in 2022

That's 1,989 more posts than 2021!

0 posts created (0%)

6,805 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@silverandspessartine

@knowlesian

@wammerbammer

@somecunttookmyurl

@i-really-dont-have-any-idea

I tagged 116 of my posts in 2022

#fuck yeah - 2 posts

#prev tags omfg - 2 posts

#i love him your honor - 2 posts

#cave - 1 post

#i love him - 1 post

#i've reblogged this before and by god i'll do it again - 1 post

#d) people with sensory issues aren't able to tell as easily what fabric clothes are and if they'll fit - 1 post

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Longest Tag: 129 characters

#the amount of times i rewatch this whole like 20 minute sequence just so i can focus on liam is like a lot more than it should be

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bisexual-birdy]

I FINISHED OFMD AND IM SUCH A MESS OF EMOTIONS

S2 WHEN

[omoghouls]

If you like more steddyhands: Stede wakes up first after sharing the bed with Ed and Izzy, and feels a wet spot spreading over to his side of the bed…he peels back the blanket to check, assuming it was Ed, but there’s a huge wet spot under both Ed and Izzy, definitely too big for just one person to make….🫢

*eye emoji* omfg- Stede is just, sitting there for a long moment as he blinks. He’s not sure if he wants to wake the two up right now, they are sleeping so peacefully- but, the bedding is starting to get rather cold.

When Stede gently nudges the two- oh you know they’re embarrassed as all hell- Izzy totally, despite being embarrassed takes all the blame for this to save Ed’s grace.

But Stede just shakes his head, ”Izzy dear, I know you have a strong bladder but, not one strong enough for an ocean like this,” Stede glances over to Ed who is just sorta staring at the wet clothing of the three.

Stede pats Ed’s back and promises the two that it’s alright, accidents happen- he’s more so thinking about how he’s going to fit all three into the tub to wash up (Perhaps lightening the mood and saying ”Well, Izzy you can probably fit fairly snugly between us, yeah?” )

But, after that, there is totally assurance before bed that everyone has gone wee xD

[omoghouls]

I can TOTALLY see Stede trying to put Izzy in patterned diapers even as an adult! In a modern AU he ends up buying a whole selection because Izzy is more open to being padded if its "appropriate" colors. (Mostly black though so no one can see under his work clothes!)

Of course Stede and Ed secretly want to put Iz in all sorts of fun patterns and colors even when he isn't regressed but so far he will only agree to dark shades that won't look suspicious in the office.

Aweee!! YAAAAAA omfg- like, Izzy is okay with black, dark purples, maroons and any other colour that isn't Ike neon and absurdly obvious xD Buut sometimes Stede can convince Izzy that the ones with the cool skulls on them technically fit Izzy's work ""dress code"" criteria, and well, Izzy does kind of like the skulls, kinda bad ass in a way-

But oooh you knooow Stede and Ed buy ones that are more softer colours and patrerned juuuust in case one day Izzy decides to have a casual friday at work (have we've decided where Izzy works?? xD )

[omoghouls]

Okay, but imagine; Izzy sitting in Stede's lap while he's reading and Stede's lightly tickling his lower tummy with one hand. Eventually, it makes him potty, but he hasn't gone most of the day and he soaks his diaper so much that it starts leaking onto Stede's pants. Izzy is immediately ashamed that he made wee-wees on him and looks like he's going to start crying.

Awww oh nooooo omfg ;×;

Izzy had been quite busy that day so he hadn't really had the chance to take a small reprieve to go. Now he and Stede are taking a rest time, now that Stede knows that tickling helps Izzy feel more relaxed/gives him something to focus on instead of heavy thoughts.

Although this relaxes Izzy juuuust a bit too much- ofc Izzy in this state feels bad for soiling Stede's slacks but more upset that he's leaked in general! Stede has to think quick and scoop Izzy up, telling him it's okay, it's just wee, it will wash out and that what Stede is more concerned about is his leaky Izzy and getting him cleaned up ;w;

Stede probably even is like, "You know, when I was dressing this morning I wasn't sold on these trousers, couldn't tell if they really fit the summer colours of the vest. So, I'm actively rather gracious to have a reason to change," he says with a smile to Izzy♡♡♡

[omoghouls]

ok bunny buckle up i’ve got some prime wizzy hands content for you. izzy’s a proud son of a bitch so keeping his clothes dry is a top priority but you just know if push came to shove he’d make a real scene of pissing his pants.

consider that maybe he got horribly sick for a while and wet the bed a few times, he probably would’ve had ed AND stede pandering to him until he got better. he claims to hate it but he misses it like nothing else, so a few weeks after he’s recovered he has an “accident” on deck complete with a grand flop into fang’s arms. it doesn’t work, the best he gets is a “feel better, iggy dear” from stede. next up is the daybed, because he’s just so tired from working sooo hard for blackbeard. all the stress must’ve made him have an accident, whoops. better give him a cuddle until he feels better.

it goes on until ed, surprisingly, decides he’s had enough. he scolds his first mate for acting like a child instead of just being upfront about what he wants and taking his AND stede’s care for granted. the punishment he comes up with is tying izzy to a chair and just...leaving him there. there’s a towel and a few rags under the chair because he clearly can’t be trusted to keep himself dry, hmm? maybe now he’ll appreciate everything those two do for him.

another timeskip, woo. stede and ed have gone about their business, working a bit harder than they normally would since mr hands is “still recovering”. stede’s in a bit of a rush to get back to the captain’s quarters, and in his haste to hop into bed with a nice book he forgets about izzy entirely. ed almost wants to say something but he figures it’ll help the punishment settle in, so he cuddles up next to stede as if he doesn’t have a man tied to a chair not so far away.

at this point izzy’s a wreck. he can’t exactly get up to go and relieve himself, and even if there was a chamber pot around he can’t move his hands. his only choice is to let go in his pants, the very same thing that got him into this mess. the chair’s giving him awful back pain and his attempts to at least get his hands free have left him with some nasty rope burns...

he’s there until the early hours of the morning, and when ed spots him the guilt eats him alive. izzy’s slumped forward, wide awake and trying not to make a sound so ed wont have another reason to scold him. when ed tilts izzy’s head up he can see a set of fresh tear tracks lit up by the morning light. the worst part is just how quiet izzy is; he’s beyond cursing ed’s name and well beyond the point of sobbing out apologies. he’s barely whispering, not even sure what he’s apologising for. for his behaviour, for wetting on the floor again, even for being born. ed unties izzy and hoists him up, promising that he’ll burn that chair in the evening. he’s left to sit for a while as the captain shuffles about heating up water and finding stede’s nice soap. a full bath isn’t really achievable without waking stede in the process, so this will have to do.

izzy gets cleaned up and dressed into some pants that chafe his skin a lot less, and once he’s done stretching his legs he barely has time to turn in the direction of the door before edward’s wrangling him into bed, right between him and stede. when stede wakes up he’s just as apologetic as ed was, having realised what he indirectly caused. it takes about an hour of cuddles and apologies for izzy to finally ask them to shut the fuck up so he can get some sleep, and ed’s sure the rest of the crew can manage without him until the afternoon.

NONNY IM CRYING IN THE CLUBBB AAAAAAAA OMFG OMG

Y e s holy shit??? Yes to Izzy enjoying the care but refusing to actually admit to that!! He's a ruthless pirate, he shouldn't be getting attached to gentle words and care he received during that time- a craving he hadn't realized he wanted so badly.

But oMGGG a fitting punishment but I can just imagine Stede and Ed just bustling about, walking right past Izzy so many time throughout the day- Stede or Ed sorta taking a flask to Izzy's lips so he doesn't like, get dehydrated or starve that day. But, that just makes Izzy have to pee even more :^00

That whooole day Izzy is cursing out the captains' but as the day turns to evening, catching a glimpse of Stede and Ed embraced in bed, Ed's head on Stede chest. God Izzy can't explain it but, it's sends the waterworks to finally start. Ofc he refuses to let himself make any noise, he's already soaked, a couple tears amongst the puddle won't even be noticed 🥲

Ooh but you KNOW the aftercare is very very loving and as fluffy as pirates can get! And Stede and Ed honestly love watching Izzy sleep because of just how peaceful he looks, especially when he's sandwiched between the two Captains aaaaAAAAAA

[omoghouls]

Headcanon that Ed loves to sleep all wrapped up around Stede like an octopus, and Stede loves the cuddling too until he wakes up one night /really/ needing to pee. But Ed is sleeping so peacefully and Stede doesn’t want to wake him, so he tries to wait until morning, but it’s becoming an emergency, so he tries to wiggle out of Ed’s arms without waking him up…but that just makes Ed squeeze him more tightly…right on his very full bladder….

👀👀👀 yessss omfg

Ed is the most cuddly fuckker when he's asleep, but man has a serious death grip that, like one of those finger traps, the more you struggle to get out of, the tighter he holds on

Unfortunately for Stede, his evening's tea has settled fully in his bladder and, as sweet as Ed's sleeping embrace is, he truly doesn't want to have an accident ;0;

Ontop of Ed being a cuddly octopus, when he's asleep, he is dead to the world, meaning Stede could shake him or whisper to Ed and it will fall on deaf ears- which, good for when you know, Stede isn't dying to pee

Stede can feel tears rimming his eyes as Ed's grip presses against his swollen bladder, he presses his thighs together, biting back whimpers as he feels the first involuntary leaks of warmth trickle down his thighs, then another leak, and another until the poor captain is actively wetting the bed while awake-

And those tears roll down his face as his body shudders, he just wet himself, while awake, in the embrace of his lover- oh god what will Ed think? He'll probably think he's disgusting, maybe even throw him overboard (okay not really but, Stede's mind is absolutely racing)

He's so caught up in his thoughts he doesn't realize he's outwardly sobbing loud enough to stir the sleeping octopus :^0 Ed groggily shifts, but, soon is wide awake when he figures out Stede is crying. He's concerned, sitting up and asking him what's wrong, and that's when the scent hits him.

Ed gets a sympathetic look on his face, "Awe mate, don't cry, happens to best of us, yeah? Can't always control what happens when we're 'sleep"

Then Stede, through tears chokes out that he was awake, but couldn't get up because of Ed's sleeping grip. And Ed is like, "oh shit-" and feels SO guilty for causing this to happen to Stede. He lights the bedside candle and helps Stede to his feet; telling him not to worry about the sheets and to head to the tub room.

Ed fills the tub for Stede, allowing the other man to bathe while Ed goes to strip the sheets, placing them to the side to wash them in the morning. Then heads into where Stede is, holding a clean night shirt and yellow dressing gown, "I uh, not sure if this clashes with your summer vibes," trying to make a joke. Which, Stede chuckles softly at as Ed pulls up a stool to the tub as rest his head on the side of the tub, reaching out for Stede's hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of Stede's hand, apologizing for causing this mess.

Stede leans into the touch, telling him it wasn't entirely Ed's fault, Stede shouldn't have had that second cup of tea, or told that particularly nerve wracking story to the crew. Ed gets a bit defensive, saying it didn't scare him but smiles while saying it. Stede leans back a bit in the tub, finishing up.

And once he's dressed, he and Ed walk back into their quarters, Ed did attempt to make the bed but, turns out fitted sheets are that of the devils work. Stede chuckles, kissing Ed, thanking him for helping him out through all this. And the two fall back asleep in eachother's embrace, dryly for the rest of the night💕💕

[omoghouls]

Stede giving Ed an impromptu etiquette lesson at the dinner table, Ed really has to pee but he doesn’t know whether it’s rude to excuse yourself in the middle of a meal and he really wants to succeed and to make Stede happy, he’s bouncing his legs and squeezing them together and trying to pay attention to what Stede is saying, he can be good, he can hold it, he…he…he presses the napkin in his lap tightly between his legs but it’s nowhere near enough to catch the stream of piss flowing out of him, dripping off the edge of the chair and puddling at his feet

Omfg Ed buddyyyyyy

He still sees etiquette as something he can 'win' at and he wants to have Stede he proud of Ed remembering and using these rules of etiquette. So, he's trying to remember if excusing yourself from a diner was the one not allowed or if that was during conversations- god why did these rich have to have so many damn rules???

And he doesn't want to raise others suspicions so, he'll take sips of his drink, despite the fact he can feel it dripping directly into his bladder. He's shifting and knawing the inside of his cheek raw, trying so desperately to keep everything in, waiting to see if someone else will get up, follow their lead-

However, no one else is getting up, they all seem to be having a pleasant conversation and oh god wait- Stede's talking to him. Ed gives very basics answers that could fit any conversation, asking open ended questions to have Stede continuing on talking so Ed knows Stede isn't seeing as he slips the linen napkin beneath the table.

Surely he could just, let out a couple dropplets, yeah, just enough to take the pressure off so he can wait until the meal is over!

But, that completely backfires as when Ed relaxes his tensed muscles, his bladder just goes for it- at first its heavenly, the cloth is absorbing the urine,,,until it isn't and suddenly he can feel the soaked cloth between his fingers as urine streams around his hand, on his seat and onto the floor- he cant stop ;×;

Ed just wants to vanish, surely everyone heard him just now. But, no, everyone is still continuing on with their talks. All except Stede. He's noticed Ed had gone silent and has been watching Ed pissing himself the whole time. Stede gently places his hand on Ed's shoulder.

"Ed?"

Ed swallows, not daring to look up.

"Hey, don't fret, it's almost finished, we'll sneak you out, yeah?"

Ed just, stiffly nods, sniffling, god this is pathetic. But, he can't help but feel so humiliated, he just wanted to prove to Stede he was listening now look at him- he's sitting in a puddle of his own piss, surrounded by others.

But don't worry, Stede drapes his jacket over Ed so it hides the accident and has Ed "Spill his tea" over his lap so they had an excuse to leave and a reason as to why Ed's pants were wet😎😎

[omoghouls]

Izzy wanting to hold and wet for Ed and Stede but when the times comes he suddenly gets all shy hdjfhf

Y A A A A A. AA OMFG

Izzy just thinks it will be so easy, it’s a bodily function- of anything he’ll be all smug about those two enjoying it

But, that evening, Izzy’s bladder is properly fit to bursting, he’s shifting from foot to foot as he stands by their door, shuffling in once he’s welcomed in- he’s squirming and can see the two captains staring at him. Izzy tries to go but,,,nothings nothing is happening!

Izzy tries to relax, but, nooooo his bladder has decided it’s time to be shy. He can’t muffle the whimper in his throat as he feels that ache.

Stede and Ed quickly catch on to what is wrong with the swordsman. They go to Izzy and probably sweet talk to him, Stede especially- asking Izzy if he’s gotten shy on them. Izzy ofc doesn’t want to admit to that but, god he needs to pee SO bad, he just nods and grits his teeth.

That’s when Ed slinks up and helps Izzy out by pressing his palm over Izzy’s lower abdomen, kneading into the tender flesh as Stede is speaking softly to him. Izzy tilts his head up and lets out a choked sob when his bladder finally lets go. God it feels amazing, just how quickly his bladder empties all over himself and the floor.

He feels the two other men pulling him close and praise him for doing so good and that perhaps they will need to help him out with this shyness B)