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universal-kitty · 5 years ago

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Ohhh, I lost a follower. Good note to start this off at. So! Anyways!!

I’ve vented a LOT about this in private...and I feel like maybe the reason why this keeps bothering me is because I never air it out where it’s been needed. I have never said my piece because, while I have a stance, I’ve been more afraid (in the past) of blacklash and how people would think of me. Which is dumb, I realize now, because people I don’t even KNOW have a way of thinking of me that isn’t good. So what’s the point in trying to care about stuff like that?

This is a long-winded way of saying that- although belated- I want to give my thoughts on the Age Discourse. (With potential ties to the Villain Discourse, but that’s only gonna make sense later into the post.)

Obviously, feel free not to read! I know that this community is done of the Discourse and I would like to be, too.....but I’ve also vented about this multiple times in my own server and I feel like if I need to vent about it again, maybe it’s time I do it in the place that’s been causing the stress in the first place.

With all that said, let’s get into it.

By Law of Canon, I have young F/Os. Most of which stopped at 17, due to series ending or no promised continuation ever coming to light. (Since some series, like DanganRonpa, had their main focus be high schoolers, but then Dangan Ronpa: Hope (the anime) came out, and everyone’s now canonly in their twenties to wrap up the series and move on to other things, same formula. Also: Naruto and Death Note.) This makes sense on the media side of it, since sometimes, you really don’t want to drag your shoes through all the nitty-gritty details. Who wants to hear about the whacky MC high schooler finding a day to day job? Afterstories? Psssshh.

....But then, there’s me. This little autistic kid who puts all their stakes into these fictional worlds and people. Who REALLY gets into it! This character likes me, these characters are my BFFs, and the rest.... Well, I’m just gonna take this world and make my own little story in it! Cause it’s fun!!! And in the eyes of fandom- at that time- I was totally weird, but made it okay. I got the right friends to support my self-inserting. Hell, it’s probably kinda cute for a kid to be so excited about this stuff.

Now I’m in my twenties. I made it far enough to find the community...and learned that most people agree that if your F/O is age locked, you should leave them behind. And I suppose that makes sense...if you can do that. If you can let go of those feelings and move along, happy at past memories.

......I can’t, though. Kurama’s always been my best example for this, cause he’s been the BEST showing of how my worlds have evolved past canon. His canon stopped him at 17. (Yoko is far older, but. Still, his physical body is young.)

I’ve had Kurama as an F/O for....about 12-13 years, maybe? Which might seem pretty young, but I’ve had.......childhood issues, to put it one way. A friend got me into the show in.....around middle school or so. I liked Kurama ever since.

In all these years I’ve had him, he’s strayed from canon’s end point. In my world, we age-match, if not him being a year or two older. Two kids and a house all our own; basically a large cottage with PLENTY of flowers and a lovely garden. There’s also a special greenhouse for his demon plants to take residence in.

I am not a “pedo in love with a 17 year old”......it’s a fictional character who’s my age. Cause I said so and canon wouldn’t let him EXIST past the ending of the manga.

And that’s what frustrates me so much. One, that my F/Os who canonly have a younger age, were never shown older. Why is it okay to have Naruto Uzumaki as an F/O- who GOT to age up in the show- but I can’t keep Alphonse, because FMA ended when Ed was 18, and not Alphonse? When his canon story ended....why is it suddenly not allowed for ME to finish his story? To keep writing it?

Secondly, because THIS AGE ISSUE HAS NEVER BEEN AN ISSUE IN FANDOM BEFORE!!!! Of all the fanfics I’ve read over the years, writing characters as older for story purposes has ALWAYS been a thing!! This character is older so he can be the CEO of a company in my AU fic. This character is older so I can show their friendships and relationships, and show how they changed after this important, canon events. I wrote her as older so I can show........whatever.

I could write a fic where me and Guzma are Pokemon, and nobody would have a problem with it. But no..... If I age up a character, I’m a pedo.

And I get what it’s supposed to be...don’t look at a kid, think they’re hot, and then fall back on “age up” as a thing. I get that idea, cause if an adult aged up Deku to ship with.......I’d be side-eyeing that. I fully admit to that one. My point is “how does this account for people who just want to grow up with their F/Os?”

Maybe it’s more nuanced than that and I don’t get it; it wouldn’t be the first time. (I mentioned autism offhand before cause I NEED people to understand that I’m seeking to understand this. I don’t get the connection. I really, really don’t. Maybe there’s something I’m missing! I wouldn’t know!) But as it stands, I just feel frustrated and all too often alienated. Because I know why I do what I do. It’s because of how I was growing up. I went through awful situations and went through emotional abuse at a super young age. I let people walk all over me and thought it was okay, because maybe they’d stay if I was enough. Nice enough, quiet enough....whatever.

I didn’t- and don’t- want to let these characters go not only for the life I’ve built for us and all of them......but because people have continuously left my life. I’ve always felt so, so alone and left behind... Fictional characters are the ONE constant that can’t be taken from me. And I need that.

....Anyways, I did want to tie this back around to the Villain Discourse, so as a sort of weird closure..... I see this as the VD. My example? Purple Guy. For some reason, I like him. Couldn’t properly explain it right now (not without going on another rant and this post is long enough as is), but I like him.

HOWEVER this does NOT mean I condone his actions in any way. I do NOT support child murder. I have siblings- little kids, themselves- and I know, if he was a real person, that they could be at risk. And I would LOATHE someone like that. They’d make me fucking sick.

But it’s a fictional character. He’s not going to hurt any real-world people. My sisters are safe...and I can goof around with a fictional, literally purple man as I want. Because I know where reality and fiction differs. I KNOW that there’s a difference between condoning actions and just simply thinking a character is neat. And that’s that.

#Aki speaks #It's the Discourse #Venting #DO! NOT!!!! REBAGEL!!!!!!!!#I'm in a Mood and wanted to say things #I hope this makes sense hhhhh #I have my exceptions but #for the most part it's all just.....weird to me #idk #I'm frustrated and in a weird mood #I might even delete this later idk

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restekova · 7 years ago

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thoughts on code geass and thoughts on lelouch and thoughts on suzaku

Code Geass is a deeply nuanced and intriguing treatment of identity politics, modern imperalism, genocide, the colonialist legacy of the West, and white privilege, among other subjects. It takes a very sympathetic view to resistance movements and subjugated people who choose to rebel against fascism in illegal or violent ways when they feel that their own lives are in danger, which is surprisingly subversive and the reason I got hooked on it in the first place. It feels very relevant today as a result, despite being over a decade old. I remember watching it for the first time right after the 2016 elections and I just couldn’t stop thinking, “this shit is real. This shit is happening with my friends and teachers outside and in the streets right now.”

Unfortunately, it’s very frequently dismissed by the anime fandom at large (though not by critics or scholars, fortunately) for featuring fantasy and sci-fi elements, and for having comic relief and/or fanservice sometimes. It’s also the first anime I’ve ever seen where there’s a character (the main goddamn character!!!) who’s literally canon gay and a large chunk of the fandom just chooses to completely ignore that and ship him with girls anyway. It’s erasure, it’s frustrating, it’s infuriating. It’s part of the reason I’ve personally started referring to the problem in media of viewers thinking that incidentally canon gay characters in stories that aren’t mostly about sexual orientation issues are straight because the gay characters don’t constantly remind them that they’re gay because they’re busy doing other plot-related shit like taking over the world in a giant robot, dumbass, they’re BUSY, as “the Code Geass problem” or “the Lelouch Lamperouge problem”. It just… encapsulates it perfectly for me.

… I got really angry there. Lelouch does some problematic shit (not really related to his gayness) but I’m fiercely protective of him the way (I think) some people were protective of Chihiro in Dangan Ronpa. He got done so dirty by the fandom and even by the source material itself sometimes. The fact that he’s [spoiler spoiler spoiler] in the new upcoming sequel is good, and appears to be a subversion of the Martyr/Bury Your Gays trope, so that’s good. I’m really hoping they handle that well. So far they seem to be headed on the right path.

My thoughts on Suzaku are that I love him and I want him to be safe and happy, and the fandom did him dirty too. He gets a lot of shit for professing liberal rather than radical beliefs early in the series but I think what a lot of people don’t realize is that he didn’t really have much of a choice. He’s a member of a subjugated race and essentially a slave to a society that is literally actively trying to kill him and people like him, and not even being sneaky about it like we are with our fancy prison-industrial complex and expensive healthcare. Suzaku straight up was not allowed to own a cell phone because of his race. He couldn’t be like “Death to Britannia!!!!” to a highschool full of white kids, his superiors would literally murder him. (Which I understand is what he wants, but he wanted to die for the sake of something, and that wouldn’t really work.) Plus his own personal trauma which like… justifies a lot to me tbh? I don’t know.

#i talked so much #faq #Anonymous

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bigbrothermatsuoka · 8 years ago

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Ina-chan~ Can you do the love love asks about you and Rin and your relationship? I wanna know more! :D

E-Eh?! M-Me with Rin? W-Well I can try! Considering how some of the asks doesn’t have relationships. Since you require all of the questions, I’ll try my best to answer all of them!

Me: Instead, I’ll just having him next to me as I answer the questions

Rin: hello, my name is Matsuoka Rin, my name has a girly name but I’m actually a boy–

Me: I didn’t say to do your intro, buT SINCE YOU ASK I’LL LET YOU DO YOU

Jokes aside, some of the answers can be very personal so I’m leaving them under the cut to let ya’ll read.

Blush : What do you do when you have a crush on someone?

Me: I usually stay quiet when I do. the reason why I stay quiet, mainly because I wouldn’t be so sure if I really do have a crush on someone or not. So if I can hang out with them or get to know them a little better, the feelings vary from there on out.

when I’m alone with my crush, I can be very talkative. I would feel extremely awkward if the two of us remained quiet, so I usually try to maintain a good conversation, just in case if things start to die down.

Rin:…so that’s why you couldn’t stop talking that one time.

Me: Y-Yes…. >////

Kiss : What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?

Me: Sweetest thing? Probably someone buying me anything really! or treating me as well. I don’t get a lot of affection or special stuff so yeah!

for Rin, I think just being an inspiration in my life is the most sweetest thing that he would do. No one in real life was able to make me stand like I am now so I would really thank him for that. .////.

Rin: Really? I’m glad to hear that. *smiles*

Me: *Thinks to myself* AAAAAAAAAAA AA S TOP S MILING SO SW EE TLY—

Cuddle : Which one of your mutuals do you really want to hug right now?

Me: all of them~ if they let me ;w;

Rin: I’d let you cuddle me if you wan–

Me: AHAHAHA…A. THATS OKAY… *sweats nervously*

Heartbeat : What fictional character do you love?

Me: ME??? ? ?? IN LOVE??? I DON’T HAVE—

Rin: Oi, take a look at this picture I just took of myself,

Me: *looks into the camera* okay i lied bECAUSE I CAN ‘T DENY THESE I JUST LOV ET HEM

Rin: huh? Who are you saying this to?

Romance : Perfect date?

Me: I would love to go somewhere for dinner and just walk around the park during the night sky. I’m a night owl and I just adore star gazing!

Rin: Funny you mention that, because I tend to do the same for you.

Me: H-Huh? Y-You don’t have to, if it’s just you, then I wouldn’t mind doing whatever you wanted to do.

Rin: But what if I said I wanted to take you out for dinner and walk around to look at the stars~?

Me: …F-Fine you win >////

Joy : What truly makes you happy?

Honestly, I think having close friends make me the most happiest person alive. That, along with Rin Matsuoka and Rei Ryugazaki for many reasons, they are just so important to me and are the reasons why I’m moving forward today….

Rin: Ah, I’m glad you feel that way about me. I can somehow understand your pain because what got me back up was Haru and the others.

Me: Yeah…them too but you and Rei…just stood out to me the most.

Rin: Really now?

Me: *nods shyly* I’ll explain later…

Happiness : Who are your kin?

Me: LMAO I dunno what a kin is so I’ma skip OTL

Love : Are you, or have you been, in love before?

Me: *looks around to see if Rin is in the room then tries to speak as quick as possible* Sadly I have, but usually they fade away, probably because I know how to deal with getting over things so easily even though for friends, I have a hard time letting go //BRICKED. However, with Rin…I can’t seem to get over him no matter how hard I try. He, along with Rei have a big impact onto my life and I couldn’t have asked for a better inspiration.

Rin: *comes back from the bathroom* What I miss?

Me: A-AH! Nothing! Moving on!

Beloved : What do you love the most about yourself?

Me: There’s not alot really, but if I had to say something it would probably be either the way I sing or how my hair is.

Rin:….so you do care for yourself!

Me: I-I SAID IF RIN!

Sweet: Favorite love song?

Me: TOO MANY TURIEFYDSJOA if I had to describe what song would be for me and Rin, it would most likely be Hello by Lionel Richie call me cheesy but I can relate every time I think of Rin >///

Rin: *comes from the kitchen with snacks* He got you snacks.

Me: A-Ah! Hey! And thanks.

Cute : What’s your aesthetic?

Me: *sweats nervously as I look into my kink list* Lets just skip that >.>

Rin: What’s that on your hand?

Me: NOTHING MOVING ON!!

Thoughtful : If you could change your name, what would you call yourself?

Me: Honestly, I really love my name. I never really thought about changing it one bit because of how unique it is.

Charming : Who helps motivate you?

Me: *looks at the question and turns to Rin* He Rin I’m thirsty can you get me some water while I’m fishing the questions?

Rin: Ah, okay. *Walks off to get the drinks*

Me: *sighs deeply and answers* R-Rin and R-Rei >/////

Beautiful : Who is your ideal significant other?

Me: For a significant other, I wish to have someone to be determined and passionate towards something that he would want to do. I also want a person that’s can support my dreams while I support his. At the same time, I also want him to be very understanding and loyal as well. Having someone understand you is like finding your other half. Lastly, I wish for a guy that has emotions. Having to always be stoic and act “manly” Isn’t my forte. At the same time it would be nice for him to tease me every now and then

If there was someone that had most of these traits, it would be Rin and Rei.

Rin: Hey, I’m back *Hands out water*

Me: H-H-Hey! Thanks! *takes the water*

Affection : Who do you ship?

Me: Depending on the fandom, I haven’t shipped anything in a while but my current ship at the moment would be Shigure x Nina from Fire emblem.

JUST RECENT: I was just done looking at Dangan ronpa V3….and I have another ship…but I won’t say because it’s a spoiler for those who haven’t watched it yet!

Kind : What Pokemon would you be?

Me: GODS….THERES SO MANY OF THEM IDK WHICH ONE I WANNA BE…..probably a blaziken

Rin: Blaziken? Isn’t that a fire type?

Me: Y E S

Heart Beat : You’re getting coffee with a celebrity, who is it?

Me: Tops down Amy Lee. She’s one of the most inspirational singers I know and I wish to someday sing just like her…even though my voice might be fading.

Rin: If you wanted to sing that bad, why don’t you sign up to auditions and perform on stage?

Me: I have thought about doing that Rin, but I don’t like the idea of having your own life be exposed for others to know about. It’s like you’ll never be safe if your ever famous ya know?

Rin: I see, thats reasonable

Giggle : Do you believe in love at first sight?

Me: Maybe? Not really? Who knows, I don’t think I ran into anyone within this situation though. Probably because I’d like to get to know them better.

Laughter : Who can always make you laugh?

Me: Honestly, my friends. Each time I joke around and say lots of things to them, they all know how to brighten my day or make the worse thoughts go away. I would be pretty much dull and alone if it weren’t for having the best of friends.

Rin: Like that one time where Nagisa wouldn’t stop bugging Rei about his personal belongings and how they went missing?

Me: Exactly!

Smile : What do you find attractive?

Me: Probably a guy that is tall, determined, passionate, dedicated towards what they like–

Rin: Me?

Me: RUIEHSDJOJF SHHUSHHHH!!! *blushes*

Warmth : What is your happy place?

Me: Anywhere where I can have some alone time. Normally I’d say my room but my dad has been on and off at my lately to the point where I can’t find my happy place anymore.

Huggable : What are your favorite flowers?

Me: I love Roses~ Their just so beautiful!

Rin: *Walks in holding out a bunch of Roses*

Me: UIORTHFERIOFHRJFH Y-You didn’t have too Rin >////

Soul Mate : Who is your best friend?

Me:I have alot of best friends, but there a few that I believe that deserves to be acknolege.

Real life: @lostpirika @moonlitcritter and one other in real life.

Online: @nymvee @momokitty27 (That’s you~!!) the rest are on skype but not active on tumblr so ouo

Rin: These friends mean alot to you huh?

Me: Yeah, whenever I have them, I feel like I’m unstoppable…

Rin: I see, just like how I felt with Haru and the others

Unique : What qualities do you look for in other people?

Me: Wasn’t there a similar question like this?

Rin: Ah, I think their asking for in general, not as a lover..

Me: Oh that makes sense, I guess people that can have all the patients in the world and stand by my side no matter what happens in the world. I also would love for people to be honest with me. Within the past, I’ve had certain friends that didn’t believe in me or be honest with their words which makes me question almost everyone in the planet if their telling the truth or not. Which leaves me into having a final quality

Trust and lots of support. About a month ago I lashed out at a friend who was telling the truth to me. but I didn’t believe her because I felt like she was lying. Which made me feel that I failed to notice the people who truly care for me.

Other than that, I’m pretty much chill with hanging with alot of other people.

Trust : Do you trust people easily?

Me: This question is very difficult to answer because alot of people I’ve faced within my life have lied to me many times. If I had to tell the harsh truth. No, I don’t.

At first, I’m pretty open to everyone, but lately, I’ve just been pushing people away because I’m scared that I’ll just get hurt again. This feeling was just recent, and it’s has a personal reason that I’m not ready to share.

Rin: That sounds harsh, I’m sorry everything didn’t go too well.

Me: Not you’re fault, honest!

Dearest : What item is most dear to you?

Me: Item? Hmm…

Me: Any gift that a friend gives to me is always something dear to me.

Rin: Like thoese Rose I gave to you earlier?

Me: UIRHOJI R I N

#game no #asks #momo~#not really info about me with rin but theres some what if moments #I hope I didn't fail you D:#momokitty27

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