shazaminachurch

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My dad was trying to get my attention from across the hall, I fucking walked away. It’s 1 am so he can’t yell or shout or anything. Try again in the morning bitch boy

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Around 9:30 pm I get a little evil

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List of fruits that make me indescribaly horny

artichoke

2.

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Oh my god I thought . Well. Anyway

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I’ve learned so much about love just from watching my dad continue to smile and happily watch the X-Files while my mom talks about how much she wants to kiss David Duchovny right next to him

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Days after my Romanian mother’s birthday and there are jars of pickles, olives, garlic, etc everywhere this happens every year

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"She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain"

Oh no what a fuckin tragedy I would hate it if someone did that to me oh nooo

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This was like the best thing I learned in therapy

Sometimes, the strongest step you can take is the one away from negativity.

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Maybe it's just the pron I watch? But the comment sections on phub are always super positive and genuinely pleasant, in my experience

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Once I got a text from a girl that literally said “I want you, come over.” I read this, thought “nice!”, and then went to bed

Straight men are dumb this has been scientifically proven at this point

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Every single X-Files episode without fail

Scully: Well it looks to me like some sort of corrosive acid was used to dissolve the bodies, perhaps hydrochloric acid, which would explain the soft tissue matter left over. The perpetrator is probably someone very familar with chemicals, possibly even a trained chemist.

Mulder: *cocks his eyebrow*

Scully: Well what do you think it is?

Mulder: .....you ever hear of Bigfoot?

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?????

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Sometimes I think about the first time I tried counseling, in the welcome email or whatever they gave a list of things to do before the session and this was one of them:

I remember thinking man that's fucking ballsy to assume that you're such a good therapist that I'm guaranteed to cry just from talking to you.

Anyway I had my first session with him and I cried like the whole time

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I lost a bet I have a tumblr now