#is it not true that problems occur when his self projection doesn’t fit

[cologona]

Why does everyone love Red Hood so much?

If I were to continue this pattern with the girls I’d say…

Cassandra is Batman the penitent.

Steph is Batman the unyielding.

Babs is… Batman the vigilant I suppose.

(To be honest I don’t know Babs very well. I do get the impression that she has a similar thing about control though, hence the surveillance. Ah.. the limits of my vocabulary. )

It’s interesting that the boys all work as extensions of Bruce, and were all “built” by him in some way. Even Damian, who arrived at Bruce’s doorstep already a formidable combatant, had to learn how to be a Hero✨ from Dick and Bruce.

The girls don’t work this way. Damian’s female counterpart in this analysis is Cassandra, and not only did she arrive in Gotham already a fighter she had her own no-kill principles completely independent of the Bats. The girls have similarities to Bruce as people, but they’re ultimately separate from him.

[the-ghost-king]

love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

(Post)

I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

[bartramcat]

Some Odd Thoughts on CSI 06x03

It's an unfortunate aspect of my existence that the best way for me to resolve an issue in a piece of fiction (or even an evolutionary theory) is to write about it. Also, unfortunately, I used to be a much better writer. I think I have spent too much time on Twitter the last several years and have lost my ability to sustain coherent thought. So here I go again rambling incoherently about my obsession de l'annee, i.e. CSI/GSR. As per usual, it will probably be all over the map. Oh well.

I have no idea why, but I was thinking about the scene in Bite Me as I was driving home the other day. It's a rather weird scene in that it almost comes across as Grissom intentionally trying to hurt Sara. Until we remember it's Grissom. 

The thing about this love story is that we, as viewers, were given entree in medias res, but, unlike a true epic, nobody backfilled in the blanks, so, instead, we have to watch the episodes before the revelation of their affair and try to piece together how different scenes fit into the tale. 

Then there is the Gumdrops problem. If the affair was to have been revealed 2 episodes after Bite Me, then it's pretty safe to conjecture that Grissom probably was projecting his own fears and insecurities about their relationship into the scene. GSR is nothing if not a treatise on the insecurities of love.

Grissom seems to have 2 contradictory responses to the fact that a married couple has separate bedrooms. His first reaction is almost mystification. Why be married and sleep separately? Sara provides some mundane explanations. Then he jumps to the fact that they may well have been suffocating each other, and he couldn't breathe, an hypothesis that seems to both stun and hurt Sara. Then she finds the sexual lubricant, confirming that sex was indeed occurring, despite the separate bedrooms. She asserts that sleeping in the same bed is not a requirement for either sex or romance. Grissom studies her thoughtfully for a moment and then beats a hasty retreat to see the doctor, a statement which at first Sara doesn't seem to comprehend.

I believe that Grissom always wanted to marry Sara, perhaps from the moment he first saw her, although I suspect he was painfully aware of how young she was when he first met her. (When I watch the first 2 seasons, she seems so young, and that was supposed to be a couple of years after he met her.) It's one of the things that makes me question the probability of his having sex with her in SF. I do not think a typical man would have had compunctions, but Grissom is not a typical man. (As much as everything pointed to the possibility of their making love in the time gap in Nesting Dolls, I think Grissom would have seen it as "taking advantage" of Sara's need for comfort.) Initially, he may have viewed her interest in him as no more than an eager student trying to impress a renowned entomologist, and her seeming attraction to him as no more than a short-term crush. In Grissom's worldview, how could the most wonderful girl he had ever met be as attracted to him as he was to her? Even if Sara offered sex, would he have accepted her invitation? I'm not sure. (Of course, the other side of that same coin is that he was so knocked over by his attraction to Sara that he went with it.)

A question I ponder every once in a while: Grissom tells us sex for him is pointless without love. Does that apply only to him, or does he also need to feel his partner loves him for the experience to have meaning? To give him joy, not despair? I don't know the answer to that. One thing is clear: he is not a casual sex kind of guy. He may have had a couple of relationships, including Julia Holden, he tried to make work, but when he couldn't love them, he drifted away from them. The ultimate oxymoron about Grissom is that the man who does his best not to feel is the true romantic: sex and love are inexorably intertwined in his psyche. 

So now back to what I think might have been going on in the scene. I believe that they have been lovers in some sort of undefined relationship for over 6 months. Despite the fact that I think each of them is in it for the long haul, neither believes it will last forever. All along, Grissom has probably subconsciously wanted to propose, but both their work situation and his fear of rejection prohibit the possibility. If he asked, and she said no, that would in effect ruin what was. It's highly possible he was thinking about asking Sara to move in with him, which would be like a marriage without an official commitment. So he's confronted by this married couple who do not share a bed, and it kind of contradicts his expectations of sharing his life with Sara. At first, he cannot comprehend the why of separate bedrooms. (If he was married to/living with the love of his life, he damned well would be sleeping in the same bed with her.)

The more he compares the marriage in front of him to the hypothetical marriage/living with Sara, the more his own doubts creep in. What if they end up like this? What if they suffocate each other? As far as we know, Grissom hasn't cohabitated with anyone since leaving home. Probably pretty daunting a proposition. As per usual, his heart and head are in conflict. Then Sara finds the lubricant. The couple was having sex after all (or so they assume at that point). So she reminds him you can have sex and romance without necessarily sleeping in the same bed. More than likely, that is exactly where they are; they are having sex and whatever passes for their version of romance at each other's apartments, but they are not sleeping in the same bed. (Instead of candlelit dinners, they probably seduce each other over some weird combination of Shakespeare Sonnets, crossword puzzles, and forensic textbooks.)

I know a lot of people think they were fighting around the time of this scene. I'm not one of them. I think it's probably more a matter of Grissom being Grissom and saying things without context, because of his own internal conflict. He creates analogs with victims/suspects often enough that it's easy for me to see him self-identify with the husband, who might also be the primary suspect. Grissom knows what he wants: a " beautiful life" with Sara, but so many things could go wrong. I actually think they don't fight, and I think that's one of their problems. They both internalize their hurt and anxiety instead of letting it out.

At the moment Sara reminds him that sharing a bed is not a prerequisite for sex and romance, I think he realizes that the marriage between these two strangers has nothing to do with his relationship with Sara. He studies her for a moment and beats a hasty retreat. Does he realize she may have thought he was saying she was suffocating him? The look on her face says she does. Does he know he may have hurt her?

Of course, this being GSR, there is no follow up. We really don't see them interact again in this episode, although we do get Catherine's comment to Sara about lovers and coworkers never working out, which also may serve as a kind of sidelong foreshadowing. My guess is that with Gumdrops on the horizon that the whole Bite Me scene was supposed to make everyone go "What the hell was that about?" 

I have read at least 3 different versions of the Gumdrops scenes. What is not debated is that they have sex in the hotel room, and it is implied that their affair is not new. Personally, I would never believe in a million years that these two would ever have sex for the first time in a hotel room while working a crime scene. In no universe can I see either one of them making an overt sexual advance to the other under those circumstances unless sex was already an established component of their relationship. 

FWIW I have always read their relationship as very physical on multiple levels. I remember reading a review in which the reviewer did nothing but complain about the fact that these "two sexless characters" were being sold as a love story. (I think it was the LA Times, but I could be wrong.) You see, the fact that neither character is a "typical" TV romantic icon is, I think, what makes it more compelling, more real, and, yes, more romantic. Even the most socially inept among us can find someone to love and be loved in return.

While the vast majority of the world doesn't possess the intellectual capacity these two do, that same intellectuality is often a large part of their stupidity in love. They overthink, overanalyze everything. And, to a large degree, I think that is what Grissom is doing in this scene. 

[queenitn]

So...I just found something that I'd written one night at like 4am a month into lockdown.

It's pretty much a very unnecessarily angry rant.

I can probably contradict half the stuff I say in it myself. It's just...kinda rude in places and when I'm thinking straight there's some parts I don't really agree with myself. It's not aimed at anybody and I'm definitely a hypocrite but I'm gonna post it anyways so go wild I guess.

So I recently took a stroll through Stucky fanfiction on ao3. For a while there I'd been avoiding it, and I'd nearly convinced myself that my mind was exaggerating the whole bottom!Bucky/top!Steve thing but yeah, I'm not.

Normally, I'd say who tops or bottoms doesn't matter. It's pretty irrelevant. But... since the majority of the fanfictions clearly prefer to write bottom!Bucky, obviously, there is some significance. Wouldn't the proportion be more equal if it truly was irrelevant?

Besides being annoying as fuck, it's also pretty interesting I guess. I have nothing else to do so I'm going to be ranting about a lot of stuff.

So, I mostly try to look for bottom!Steve, right? Because that's what I like. I read a bottom!Steve fic, then I say, "Hmm, this author seems to like bottom!Steve, maybe they've written more?" I go check, and I find...mostly bottom!Bucky, with maybe one or two more bottom!Steve.

It's fine the first few times, but after a while it's honestly weird. Clearly, a lot of very good authors have no problem writing bottom!Steve. They just happen to write more bottom!Bucky. As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the common trend. But why? What exactly does one think while starting a new fic, going all, "Hmm...I think...this time.... we're gonna have bottom!Bucky again." Again and again and again until it's most times.

Why is bottom!Steve so fetishized? I don't mean the fics that actually have a dom/sub element. I mean just pure bottom!Steve itself. Why does it have to be some sort of rarity?

As far as I know, there's...really nothing in canon indicating who would likely top or bottom. (I mean yeah, I do believe that canon Bucky is more likely to want to dom than canon Steve, but that's different.)

So, what is it?

Sure, Steve is taller, has a deeper voice, more muscle, a beard....but those are just physical things. They don't actually have anything to do with taking or giving.

Besides, he used to be small before. Is that what this is about? Previously tiny man likes to be in control? Likes to...what? Prove he's a manlier man? Bullshit. Besides the fact that it's bullshit, it also doesn't seem to fit with canon Steve.

The "Sometimes I think you like getting punched" and the "And you've got nothing to prove" make me think that his proving himself had less to do with showing his dominance and more to do with showing his endurance. I'd say bottoming is exactly what he'd want to do.

Besides, wasn't that exactly what made his relationship with Bucky special? The fact that he didn't have to "prove himself" in any way? Bucky already knew his worth.

Is it because Steve likes to give orders? Some sort of "Oh, this guy was always meant to be the leader"? Well, there's a huge difference between being a leader, giving orders in a battlefield...and giving orders in the bedroom. And I'm pretty sure top/bottom preferences would be completely unrelated to who's the boss at work.

But nevermind that, as far as I can tell, sure Steve gives orders, but he also looks to the people he trusts for guidance. The best example is Nat. The thing that makes their friendship so goddamm precious is partly in the way he always glances at her for confirmation before making a decision. Isn't Bucky sort of like an Ultimate Nat with sex benefits?

Nevermind that too. Steve bossing people around is great, but that's not the point, is it? The point is does he enjoy it? I think, the only movie where he did look like he relished his power was TFA. I'm pretty confident that's because of the novelty of his new strength partially, and partially also because of the rush caused by his back to back successes. Why? Because he never seems to take that kind of enjoyment again. As opposed to...maybe Sam? The guy who gets his literal wings back after (presumably) years and lets out a whoop after being chased by the missile thingies. Sam's joy doesn't wear off. Steve's does.

Is it just me, or has this skew towards bottom!Bucky actually increased over the years? Why? I can say a few things on this.

First, maybe people need to remember a bit more that Sebastian Stan is not Bucky Barnes. Chris Evans is not Steve Rogers. And Steve Rogers is not Captain America.

No matter what you think about the actors, the characters they play are separate. Please.

Second, there is a very interesting theory that exists which says that the reason why Bucky is so popular in the fandom is because his character arc is relatable to women and the queer community in the fact that it's about him regaining his stolen agency. Which is true.

Does this have anything to do with him bottoming though? I mean, I don't know. Fanfictions are important because they allow us to explore ourselves, whether it's our sexuality or our trauma that we're trying to figure out. In that way, it makes sense that maybe we will tend to write Bucky as a bottom more often. Except no.

Partly because, having had bad experiences at a young age myself, and being queer myself, I do not relate to Bucky. And hypothetically speaking, I would totally bottom for Peggy or Bucky, but I would rail the absolute shit out of Steve. I canNOT be the only one.

Partly also because yeah, a lot of fanfiction is projection, which is good for the soul, both yours and mine, but not to the point where we create a fanon version of the character completely different from the canon one. Yeah, you could say that canon doesn't really give us much of a character, but clearly they give us something and we have to build up on that right? It's true for both Bucky and Steve. Bucky barely has lines, but his actions speak enough. There's an absolutely breathtaking character waiting for you in canon if you really want to look. As for Steve, let me just say, sass and the tiniest little hints of PTSD do not make a whole character. Marvel fucked it up, but this goes for the fandom too (this is keeping in mind that Steve technically has three movies dedicated to him and Bucky doesn't)

Stop treating Steve like your personal punching bag, Stucky fandom.

It does happen, if we project our bad experiences on Bucky, Steve often naturally fills the role of the clueless/mildly asshole-ish love interest. Not too much of an asshole though, clearly you love him.

That's fine. Fanfiction is about self expression, but should we lose sight of the canon characters that we loved so much in the first place? And isn't fanfiction just as much about exploring those characters, as objectively as we possibly can?

Another thing related to that...why do we only have to identify with one character? I don't know how to put this, but there's a thing called halo effect and I think that's kind of what happens (I'm not a psychologist).

You see something in Bucky. And then you start to attribute more and more things to him that may or may not actually exist. Like yeah, he's fullfilling the traditional love interest role in Steve's movies, but that doesn't automatically mean he's a bottom. The two things are... actually entirely unrelated. They're only related in your mind. And similar to that, when we see one thing in a character that we identify with, we kind of want to see even more things in them we identify with, but it doesn't have to be like that. That's not how any person works, and it's not how any fully developed character works. You can relate to both the characters in different ways, no need to dump it all in one.

Ok, another thing, that I don't like to think about but it's occured to me and I don't like it. So, Steve is generally coded as a bisexual, right? And Bucky is coded as gay. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and think about whether you're unconsciously assuming that the bi guy isn't going to want to bottom. I'm a bisexual woman, I will top Steve. I kind of resent this.

Going off on another tangent, I have also delved into Stony on my quest for bottom!Steve. Pretty sure there's even less of that there. Why??? That's crazy.

Normally, I'm pretty sure Tony would be coded as the top. He's much older, richer. He clearly has control issues. That's one of his defining features. Control. (I don't mean that in a bad way.) So....what exactly do Bucky and Tony have in common besides dark hair and short hight? The only thing I could come up with was thotiness. They're both shown as Thots. Is that it? The Thot Bottoms? Ok.

Is it the whole energy thing? "Bucky has bottom energy"? Does he? Can you argue with me if I say that TFA Steve has bratty bottom energy? That TFA Bucky goes from service top energy to mean top energy? Pretty sure that's subjective. But what exactly are we seeing differently here? I'm honestly asking.

Bucky's character is ridiculously strong, stronger than Steve in some ways (besides probably physically). Specifically, it's because of his ability to not only survive, but heal. Can we acknowledge how crazy that is? He's just fucking buying plums, but that's still more than we've ever seen Steve do. You can say his trauma is greater, but it looks like his coping ability is greater too. So is that what this is? Steve doesn't cope. Instead he focuses on external things like being Cap, Hydra, Bucky. I wouldn't call that a healthy way of living...but it's romantic, right? Neglecting to take care of yourself? No, actually avoiding taking care of yourself by focusing entirely on another person? Is that it? We're romanticizing unhealthy behaviour?

Is it because you feel more for Bucky, wearing his hurt on his sleave, versus Steve who wears it hidden under his skin?

Am I allowed to believe that Steve's ultimate shield isn't the vibranium one, but Captain America himself?

That's just me getting off track and mildly pissy but the point stands. We like seeing Steve in control. He wears it well. He's good at it. But that's just not that relevant. You don't just boss poeple around in the bedroom because you're good at it, you have to want it too. Would he want it? Is a commanding voice really an indicator of a person's desire to command? Can we really say because he's usually the one giving orders (because that's his actual job), that he likes it too? Does he look like he especially likes it? No.

I've been around fandoms long enough to know that all fandoms always have a preference regarding who ultimately tops or bottoms. This isn't the first time it's bugged me, but it feels more this time because I just don't see it. And it makes me angry because it contradicts what I feel, are the best parts of the characters. No, Bucky bottoming isn't the contradiction..but all this that I wrote, the connotations of this kind of coding, the underlying thoughts.... some of it is just not nice, but some of it opposes the little things that humanize these characters. It wouldn't matter, except that it wouldn't have happened at all if it didn't matter.

It's not just what happens to them in canon that matters so much. It's also what they choose to do for themselves when they have the chance. It feels like they made their choices and half the fandom ignored it. "Nah man, you'll look better at the bottom. Look at that hair."

Because ultimately, that's what it feels like to me. A mixture of not thinking too much about it (though I know this post probably counts as overthinking), some wierd internalised heteronormativity, and I don't know what just kind of fucks with all of us. All I know is that I hate it. I hate it.

It's not the bottom!Bucky I hate, it's the underlying, unthinking assumptions. The way it's a foregone conclusion. It's not. I really just want to be able to read the goddamn fanfictions again without wanting to tear my skin off.

( You can help by giving reccs)

[whalohs]

i’m back with meta. 

( and then immediately i hecked up the tags, so deleting and reposting. sorry for the spam! )

let’s look at caleb and jester’s relationship, as mainly a retrospective of where it started. i’m also going to talk about where it has gone since, and how the heck we got here. not particularly shippy unless you ship it already (in which case i hope you enjoy the ship meta), and ready to discuss anything as long as you’re respectful about it.

as always, general disclaimer: for me, it’s more interesting for me to think “[character] would do this because [actions]”, rather than “[character] would do this because [player preferences]”. i can’t claim to know the critical role cast, and i think it does a disservice to their characters if i try to bring them in like that. a weird distinction, i know, but i always think it’s important to mention! i try to distance my meta from the cast, and take the character’s actions by their own merit. 

anyway.

for all we joke about how ridiculous jester is or how much caleb was ready to run from the mighty nein, it’s hard to deny these two had a really, really rough start. jester was everything caleb didn’t want in a person, and caleb was someone jester never... really had experience with. 

lemme explain, first with caleb’s perspective: caleb is running from trent & the cerberus assembly. the last thing he wanted was to be noticed or seen, let alone get his name out there in any way shape or form - and yet here comes the most silly, obnoxious, ready-to-turn-the-world-upside-down tiefling he has ever met, and he met molly at the same time. 

naturally, he hates it. but it runs a deeper than having to travel with someone who doesn’t give a shit about discretion when caleb is discretion personified. i think when we dislike someone, it’s because we see parts of ourselves reflected in them; not necessarily all bad, but parts we have lost, never had, or don’t want to acknowledge. 

it’s important to note that while caleb and jester are very different, there are parts that are shockingly similar; caleb started as a very hopeful, bright, and confident young man at the time he entered the assembly, not unlike where jester started in their adventures ( now is a different story, and i’ll get to that later ). they are both stubborn in their ideals and put a lot of faith in the people they care about ( caleb with nott, jester with the traveler, marion, and fjord ). 

i would not be surprised if caleb sees a little bit of his younger self in jester. but the conflict occurs where he sees his younger self as a very flawed, terrible individual, while jester is not... that. he simultaneously wants to protect her from becoming jaded (as anyone with experience tends to want to), while also knowing she could make very awful mistakes (like he did) if left alone. 

that said! jester is the way she is because she was able to foster her positivity, her hopes, and her ideals in a way that didn’t come and bite her in the ass. so it’s not “jester is caleb pre-development”, and more “jester and caleb are two different results due to different experiences from similar individuals”. unfortunately, caleb can’t think like that with the experiences he’s had, hence all of this.  

i think that it’ll make more sense from jester’s perspective: jester’s living conditions weren’t perfect by any means, but they weren’t exactly trauma central, either. she had loving, kind people in her life that allowed her to develop by encouraging what she enjoyed, as opposed to molding her a specific way. again! she was able to grow the strong parts of her personality - her hopes, her positivity, her confidence - in a way that didn’t come and bite her in the ass. she doesn’t regret anything that she did, because she has never had a reason to.

you could say that she doesn’t have enough experience to see the negative consequences of her actions, and i both agree and disagree. experience doesn’t always equate to hardships; while failure is an important part of learning, it is not the only way you learn. caleb is not necessarily more experienced because he suffered negative consequences, but because he experienced more types of consequences.

that said, she is sorely lacking in some experiences! primarily in dealing with people with different wants and opinions than her. having a loving, encouraging, but ultimately sheltered environment likely means she got to have a lot of things her way. and we see a lot of that at the start of the campaign. 

so the simplest way to say is: jester has never really had someone who dislikes her for who she is. she has never sat through a level of conflict resolution her and caleb needed, and so in an attempt to do things in the way that made the most sense for her, basically got off on the worst foot. 

and so, you know, this goes on for a while. start of campaign two is hilariously turbulent for the both of them. caleb makes nice because he sees the benefit of someone like jester in a party (and not much else), and jester isn’t going to treat caleb any differently than she does anyone else. hence, friction. 

then the money conversation / argument / caleb-smears-mud-on-his-face-out-of-spite happens. which i think really was a bigger turning point than we originally thought it would be (because the nature of the fight wasn’t too serious), mostly because caleb took forever to warm up to the party (disclaimer: i love caleb). 

it’s interesting because it’s the one of the first times we actually see... any actual conflict involving jester. most people brush jester off as the quirky weirdo at first, and doesn’t take her opinions as seriously as others. that makes sense, and jester is fine with that! but that’s what makes caleb’s reaction to jester basically saying she grew up spoiled really fascinating. 

he’s furious, and rightfully so. and caleb back then was keen on making sure he didn’t attract any attention, that unless she really struck a nerve he was just gonna nod and not think about it. but as we saw -- that’s not how it happened. i think he especially felt stung because he tried to help, because she had been distressed, but all of it backfired terribly. 

so they fight. they’re upset at each other. caleb smears mud on his face then walks away and i think it hits jester on the head that oh, what she said without thinking really did upset someone, when she hadn’t meant to necessarily make them uncomfortable. 

jester, for the limited social experiences she has, is a very empathetic person. it doesn’t take a lot from her to understand why he would have been upset by what she said, once she cares enough to consider it.

the remainder is a gradual, but noticeable change to where we are now; while it’s outdated and my opinions on details have changed, i did write a shorter meta on caleb and jester on an earlier episode point. i think the bulk of it stands true, though, so feel free to read that and then come back!

spoilers: they’re destroying me now.

a few things i did want to add: i think a lot about how out of all of the nein, the main people who notice jester’s slowly dwindling confidence are caleb and caduceus (beau, nott, and fjord notice it too, just in a slightly different way; and yasha is.... bring ashley back 2k19). caduceus pretty much has 3 million in insight so i’ll touch on that later, but fitting caleb in here is interesting!

mostly because he likely, again, experienced that dwindling confidence in finding his place in life, just in a more drastic way than jester; he pretty much hit rock bottom at the start of the campaign! he’s definitely projecting a little, but a lot of relationships are built on people projecting parts of themselves to others; it’s the easiest way to relate to another person. 

as an aside: it really is cool, and speaks to his development a ton, that caleb’s motives for helping the party have become a lot more altruistic than when i wrote the post above. he cares about them now, very, very deeply, and i have a lot of thoughts on why! this just isn’t the post for ‘em; maybe next time.

how he comforts her has changed too. before it was a lot of [ throw frumpkin at her and hope it fixes the problem ]; his attempts at bringing the party together were definitely more material in nature, compared to now.

it’s also really, really good to see jester slowly starting to see the “imperfections” in caleb ( the ones that caleb sees, anyway ), and accept them wholeheartedly. again! she is an extremely empathetic person, and once they understood each other it became a lot easier for her to actually provide the support he needed. 

it’s the subtle things; less jokes at his expense, and more ridiculous things in general. sharing porn with him because she thinks he’ll like it. and, a surplus of optimism about her outlook on life that seems to affect the top row a ton. 

they’re all in love with her. i can tell. that’s okay, jester has two hands and a tail ( i had to ). 

so, where are we now? it’s obvious enough to say that they’re friends, good friends at that! they care about each other a lot! caleb makes the softest faces at jester and jester grins so happily at him and they really do have a good thing going. 

i think the biggest change in caleb is that he trusts her enough to rely on her for things outside of her abilities. i think a lot about the conversation they had recently after talking to the scourger, and how caleb let himself be comforted by jester instead of denying her attempts completely. it speaks to the level of emotional vulnerability he is comfortable showing to the group now. 

that said: i definitely consider jester to be the group baseline for caleb. liam has mentioned multiple times that out of all of the nein, jester is the one person who he doesn’t want to share his past with. which, again, given the juxtaposition in their upbringing, makes a lot of sense! 

but the fact that he’s willing to be vulnerable with someone he didn’t want to be vulnerable is huge. the fact that he doesn’t see her optimism and ridiculousness as a weakness for the group, and instead looks to use them as strengths (how they use polymorph is a huge example) is very different than beginning-of-campaign caleb.

the biggest change in jester is that her worldview has expanded to understand what caleb needs, and how that might be different than what she needs. it wasn’t as huge strides for jester as it was for caleb, but i think that makes sense! a lot of jester’s development is internal, and reflects a lot about what she thinks of herself, whereas caleb’s development has been very external, and how he is beginning to view the people around him ( and allowing himself to be viewed ). 

but still! it’s huge! jester has two decades of solving problems a certain way, and being told that that way was all that she needed; but her ability to listen, comfort, and provide insight in ways that others in the group can’t thanks to her unique world view really helped shaped the types of conversations she had with him. 

a really, really simple way to say this is that jester started taking caleb a lot more seriously. which i think is hilarious, because you’d think that’d be more fitting for caleb’s thoughts on jester. but once she started reaching out to him to understand, the tone of their relationship changed. it seems less caleb-indulges-jester-on-nonsense and two equals who indulge each other on ridiculous nonsense, if that makes sense? 

oh that said: i do attribute a lot of caleb’s relationship changes with the party to the fact that he went through a lot of external development. definitely not the place for that here, maybe i’ll come back to it some day.

well i’m back and surprising no one i wrote like 2k words on critical role so welcome back, me. i’m rusty and rambly and i may have written things here that aren’t as poignant as i wish it was, so please forgive me if anything seems off!

[chlostertalks]

Westworld Timeline (My Best Guess) – Post-Season 3 Finale

Updated May 4th, 2020 (after S3E8)

“If this is still now, and if we are indeed still here.”  -Solomon, S3E7

The show creators want us to experience the world the way the hosts learn about their world and the world, which is why the timeline is so confusing. I've hammered it down as best I can, even with Season 2 causing brain damage a second time.

The year 2052 threw me off so much after S3E7, because Charlotte said that she infiltrated Delos "for the last few weeks" rather than what I thought was the last few years. I thought Dolores and Caleb were the only ones in 2058, but it turns out that all the characters were in the same year, so Seasons 1 and 2 occurred the year before rather than six years before. I had to reconstruct my timeline into what it is now below.

Rather than fitting Season 3 into the collective understanding of the timeline of Seasons 1 and 2, I had to structure Seasons 1 and 2 around the timeline of Season 3.

TL;DR:

The season 2 post-credit is finally explained

Caleb was born the same year as the Westworld massacre (and ironically on Groundhog Day)

The 2052 security footage of Maeve may be an off-camera event that parallels her exploring the Mesa in Season 1 (because nothing else makes sense with this arbitrary date)

A Refresher:

Season 1 sets up Westworld and the Reveries update (part of Ford's grand plan to do what Arnold tried doing a long time ago). The hosts are free…under Ford's control. They're merely slaves to a loop and the guests that hurt them.

Season 2 sets up the Arnold Project and the Delos Project, and that below the Valley Beyond is a room full of servers containing the Forge (all the park data) and the Sublime (a safe haven simulation for hosts). The season itself also shows other Delos Destination parks. Explores the idea that the next phase in human evolution is humanoid robots (hosts). Humans enslave hosts, only to want to be like hosts and achieve immortality.

Season 3 branches outside all the Delos Destination parks, showing that the very guests that visited the park were also part of a global loop controlled by Rehoboam. Explores the idea that hosts are controlled by humans, who are controlled by AI.

In the Previous Years….

Arnold's son, Charlie, dies.

Arnold wrote half of Westworld's code in 2017. (S1E7)

In S1E3, Ford explains that he, Arnold, and a team of engineers begin living on the park grounds to build the hosts. It was a three-year creation process before the park ever opened, so creation began in 2020.

All the interrogation sessions are of Arnold and Dolores; they begin here. All the times when hosts freeze all motor functions are with Arnold.

"You should get back, Dolores, before someone misses you."

Arnold gives Dolores a maze to follow so she can find herself. She will follow the maze three times in her lifetime in the park: once here, once with William, and once before the attack at the end of season 1.

2023 (34 Years before 2057/Season 1):

After achieving consciousness via the maze for the first time, Dolores kills all the hosts, Arnold, and herself to stop the opening of Westworld (S1E10). The park will open anyway, but Arnold almost achieved shutting down the place.

Meanwhile, Caleb is born February 2nd (Groundhog Day). We know this from S3E7, just above his left middle finger:

In the Years in Between:

Akecheta, chief of the Ghost Nation, was on a different loop. He was peaceful, and had a wife. He discovers the massacre and the maze but before he knew the voice inside his head, his narrative was changed, and the Ghost Nation was born.

The Arnold Project (before the Delos Project)

Any time there are black bars above and below the footage, the audience is watching a simulation.

Because it's impossible to have complete fidelity remain outside the Forge simulation and in the real world (as William will soon find out throughout the Delos Project), she allows him to have behaviors unlike Arnold to be separate from Arnold and function.

Thus, Dolores and Ford create Bernard Lowe for the real world. This is how he is part host and part human.  

Dolores is wiped and reset after creating Bernard.

Logan Delos sees the prototypes for Westworld; park needs funding

Husbandry robotics

Riot robots (used in the Season 3 finale)

George (site survey and construction)

Delos Destinations (Westworld and five other parks)

2025:

A thermonuclear incident occurs in Paris October 9th. (we know this from the Westworld Season 3 date announcement)

Engerraund Serac and his brother Jean Michel (Jean-Mi) watch as their loved ones and city are gone in an instant. This moment inspires the brothers’ creation of Solomon and, later, Rehoboam.

2027 (30 Years before 2057/Season 1):

Dolores meets William during her first quest to find the center of the maze a second time; William’s experience leads to his funding Westworld and saving them from closure; leaves photograph behind, showing that William’s tale from Episodes 2-9 set up the pilot and the season finale

William had been engaged to Juliet for a year upon his arrival at the park

Dolores achieves consciousness again, paralleling her third achievement in 2057 in S1E10

Dolores' memory is wiped after achieving consciousness a second time.

After William leaves the park….

Akecheta finds Logan in the middle of a desert after his horse dies. William had spanked the horse with Logan tied to it, and the horse ran as far as it could. Logan is insane and doesn’t know his way out. He told Logan that his kind would come for him, but he learned from Logan that there is another world. Possibly why the Forge simulation itself takes on Logan’s image.

William would come back to the park one month out of the year to unleash his true self  (S3E8).

William convinced Mr. Delos (Logan’s dad) to back Westworld after William bought Logan’s share; shows the possibilities of market research, explaining the ton of data they collected over the years.

The market research turns into achieving immortality, preserving their conscious minds in control units and placing the control units in drones. It’s pivoted as the next step in human evolution. This becomes the Delos Project.

William’s daughter Emily meets Dolores at Mr. James Delos’ retirement party. Logan is permanently insane.

Mrs. Delos died of a stroke, and Logan goes insane and ODs.

Through the Delos Project, William tries, over the next 30 years, to preserve Mr. Delos and bring him back to the real world after he dies of cancer.  Mr. Delos’ mind is preserved as a perfect virtual copy in the Forge, but the problem is bringing that copy into being in the Mesa and in the real world. If William can do that, the possibilities are endless. However, it fails multiple times.

William will grow to loathe the Delos project by 2057, and believe that "no system can tell me who I am. That I have a…choice" (S2E10). It feeds into what the entire series explores: whether or not there is free choice.

Mr. Delos’ last conversation with Logan becomes Mr. Delos’ cornerstone of his copy in the Forge.

2031:

Caleb’s mom abandons him March 20th. She is found months later, and is institutionalized as a result of her schizophrenia September 25th. This scene itself is shown S3E3. The dates are shown S3E7 (see 2023 photos).

In the Years in Between....

Akecheta looks for Logan at Westworld, but he is already gone. He instead finds the Valley Beyond, a door to another world—the Sublime, a safe haven or Garden of Eden, if you will. The Valley Beyond will also be known as Glory. He tries to take his wife from his former life, Kohana, to the Valley Beyond, and she remembers him, but the Westworld staff takes her away for decommissioning. He was afraid that, if he would die, he would lose her memory. He also noticed that more of his family was decommissioned and replaced.

William visits Dolores frequently at the park, and tells her of the plan of the Valley Beyond. William will build both the Valley Beyond and the Forge to record guest data and use it to achieve immortality.

Akecheta looks for his love and, for the first time ever, allows himself to die. He hasn’t been updated in 10 years because he had never died. He finds B83 and his love, but sees that she will no longer live. Thus, he dedicates his life to recreating the maze throughout the park so that the other hosts can find themselves and be free.

2037:

The Second Russian Civil War starts in Moscow, according to the Westworld Season 3 date announcement. Caleb and Francis will soon fight in this war.

In the years in between….

Serac and Jean-Mi create Solomon for Incite. Mr. Dempsey, the founder of Incite and Liam’s father, wants to predict the stock market for personal monetary gain, but the Serac brothers see something more in Solomon.

2039:

Solomon Build System initiated (we know this from the Westworld Season 3 date announcement)

This is a previous Rehoboam build by the Serac brothers. This is what Dolores and Caleb will find 19 years later in Sonora, Mexico.

In S3E7, Dolores explains that Solomon developed so many anomalies and inherited Jean-Mi’s “schizophrenic…way of thinking.”

2042:

Caleb graduates high school June 5th. He enlists in the army December 22nd, and will later fight in Crimea alongside Francis during the Russian Civil War.

Caleb begins training in Park 5 of the Delos Destinations. According to Dolores in S3E8, the government wanted "live" targets, and her creators were happy to supply. Like all Delos Destinations, the hats recorded every decision, including Caleb to not only choose not to harm the hosts, but also to encourage his comrades to do the same. He saved hosts, including a reassigned Dolores and Hanaryo, from being raped. His capacity to choose is why Dolores will choose Caleb for her mission outside the park 16 years later.

We know the dates from S3E3 (see 2049 photo) and S3E7 (see 2023 photos)

2043:

Jean-Mi asks Solomon to make a strategy; it’s his final request before his reeducation, according to Dolores in S3E7.

Jean-Mi goes mentally insane, so Engerraund checks Jean-Mi in a reeducation facility where he can monitor and manipulate him. The institutions, one being called Inner Journeys, are for outliers. The centers were meant to turn their minds inside-out so that they could fit Solomon’s (and later Rehoboam’s) society and be less of a threat. However, only 1 in 10 people reentered the world after reeducation; the outliers were so unpredictable, it was better to remove them from the world than have Rehoboam try to control them (a decommissioning, if you will).

In the years in between….

Engerraund also kills Mr. Dempsey and stages it as a plane crash.  

2048:

Caleb has a skull fracture May 9th (see 2049 photo) (1:28).

Caleb and Francis are in Crimea to hunt down an insurgent group called the Diehards, even though the Diehards were also hunting them. One of Caleb’s men dies in an explosion, and shrapnel hits him in the head, causing the fracture.

On May 11th, Caleb and Francis are honorably discharged, but Caleb won’t remember this as a result of his reeducation.

We know the dates not only from S3E3 (see 2049 photo), but also from when Caleb asks Solomon about Francis in S3E7 (see 2023 photos)

In the months in between….

Caleb and Francis robbed banks and murdered people through the RICO app. The app was designed for people to make money off murders and robberies, but in reality, it was used for U-class citizens to get rid of other outliers. Caleb and Francis were the best at it.

2049:

On April 4th, Caleb and Francis were tasked to murder the creator of the pharmaceutical company that produced memory-altering drugs (including the limbic wafers that correspond to reeducated people with drips installed in their mouths, like Francis)(not sure if it includes the Genre drug); the creator tells Caleb the truth, and since Caleb now knew the truth, he would be reeducated. Caleb turns and kills Francis and the creator after a bounty is immediately placed on both his head and Francis’ head.

Caleb nearly commits suicide when he ends up in Sonora May 4th.

We know the date from S3E3 when Dolores shows Rehoboam’s prediction of his suicide (below) (10:08). We know the date of his treatment center visit from S3E7 (see 2023 photos)

In the facility, Caleb becomes U454.1, and is reeducated on how he got to the facility in the first place. He’s trained to believe that Francis died in combat.

The reeducated backstory: After the incident in Crimea, Caleb and Francis captured the leader of the insurgent Diehards. The “leader” is the man that told him the truth about the world. The insurgents ambush Francis and Caleb, killing Francis and triggering his PTSD.

Caleb was not only one of the first people to be reeducated, he was one of the 10% of successful patients. Once reeducated after three months, Caleb is sent out into the world to be a construction worker who occasionally goes on RICO. This is how Dolores will find him in 2057.

2052:  

Maeve tries escaping the first known time (we know this date from the Westworld website—since removed, but photo is below)

But now that Westworld has made it obvious that Season 3 is in 2058, and it's only months removed from Season 2, which is immediately after the attack in Season 1, it's hard to pinpoint this date that was once on the Westworld website.

It may be from a past life that we did not see on camera, as Felix explained to Maeve S1E6 that "hosts get reassigned all the time"

Being that she's one of the park originals, Maeve has been around for a long time, and therefore, her time with her daughter may not be her first narrative

Like Dolores, she may have achieved consciousness once before–we the audience may not know this yet, and that may have been what was depicted on the website.

2055:

Caleb has a 5-month romantic relationship end by system interference October 2nd. This suggests that Rehoboam controls people’s lives.

We know the date from S3E3 when Dolores shows Rehoboam’s prediction of his suicide. This date is just below her right hand (see 2049 photo).  

2056:  

Juliet commits suicide after seeing William’s card from the Valley Beyond. It details the things he did in Westworld, videos and all. She leaves the card behind for Emily to see; it’s inside her 16th birthday present.

William does something truly evil (below) and feels nothing.

In exchange for her saving his life, Akecheta tries protecting Maeve’s daughter. However, William has other plans, shooting Maeve and her daughter, leaving Maeve to die on the maze Akecheta drew, and forcing the Westworld staff to assign Maeve to a new story: madam at the Mariposa.

Akecheta finds Ford as he constructs a new story. Ford knew that he was going to die by Dolores’ hand, and told Akecheta that when that day comes, he needed to gather his people and go to the Valley Beyond.

2057/Season 1:

Ford's months-long grand plan is put in motion. This plan will include:

The Reveries update (allows the hosts to access Arnold's code and possibly achieve freedom)

Reconstruction of Escalante while using half the park's resources

Writing a new narrative

Pulling hosts out of narratives

Letting Dolores and Maeve make their own choices

Letting Clementine fight back and demonstrate what Delos considers a fault in the Reveries update

Drinking to the lady with the white shoes with Old Bill

Retiring and allowing Dolores to kill him

Peter Abernathy is decommissioned after he sees a photograph of the real world; turns out to be William’s wife, Juliet

Maeve tries escaping a second time

William and Dolores begin a quest to find the center of the maze

Since Westworld is just another world to conquer, and he sees himself as a "Titan of industry," he must finish this quest to conquer Westworld to find his purpose.

She is retracing her steps with no concept of time

Some of her retracing is mixed in her flashbacks with William and Logan, including the graveyard, orgy house, and train scenes.

Maeve begins piecing together what Sweetwater really is. She finds old doodles and signs of the Livestock engineers. She begins dying repeatedly in order to find the Livestock engineers. She'll awaken multiple times, and force engineers Felix and Sylvester to provide answers on what this park really is. She also gets new powers and personality modifications out of it.

Elsie finds that Maurice (the host that smashes his head in) was implanted with a satellite uplink. He was drawing a target that looked similar to Orion's belt to smuggle data out of the park, and has been doing it for weeks. As Elsie investigates, Bernard abducts her and abandons her for three weeks.

Ford begins displacing more hosts, ruining the years of hard work that Lee Sizemore put into narratives. He also talks to Dolores, and she lies, telling him that she hasn't made contact with Arnold in over 34 years--the day of the massacre.

"He doesn't know. I didn't tell him anything." (S1E5)

Ford finds William and Teddy at a bar. William explains to Ford that he's looking for purpose and meaning, something he believes he will find by playing Ford's game

Ford: "Well if you're looking for the moral of the story, you could quite simply ask."

William: "I need a shovel. The man I'd be asking died [roughly] 35 years ago. Almost took this place with him. Almost, but not quite, thanks to me."

Bernard wants to learn about the 5 unregistered hosts of Sector 17--the replicas of Ford and his family. The area is designated off-limits for future narratives. It is also later in S1E6 that Bernard learns he is part-human (Arnold) and part-host.

Charlotte and Theresa continue devising a plan to overthrow Ford and to keep smuggling data out the park. Charlotte knows that the only thing the board cares about is the IP they need for the Delos project. She also has a hidden agenda as Serac's mole.  

Using Clementine in the demonstration to show what Delos finds a fault in the Reveries update

Firing Bernard

Wanting to lobotomize hosts within the next six months in order to reverse what they see as damage

Late 2057/The Attack (season 1 finale):

William finds the center of the maze, but it was never for him

Bernard makes a copy of Ford. This copy will taunt him for part of Season 2.  

Dolores achieves consciousness a third time via the maze and kills Ford and some board members. Unlike the last massacre in 2023, this one is by choice

Maeve achieves consciousness again and creates an escape army

Charlotte plants the key to the Forge and Sublime in Peter Abernathy’s head to smuggle out the park for Serac; breaks him mentally

Charlotte leaves a message for her son Nathan via a host (revealed in season 3)

Late 2057/One Week after the Attack (meat and potatoes of season 2): 

Dolores' rancher's daughter and Wyatt personalities have merged, as the Bicameral Mind song alluded to in the opening scene of the pilot. She goes on a killing spree of the guests, but also mentions repeatedly that "not everyone gets to go to the Valley Beyond" to justify killing hosts. 

Bernard escapes the park with Charlotte. 

Bernard tries getting Peter Abernathy for Charlotte, but plans are foiled by Dolores. Bernard hides with Dolores' army. 

Dolores finds her father, Peter Abernathy. She asks Bernard for help, but he can’t do a whole lot.

During a battle between the Confederados and the Delos security team, Clementine drags Bernard to a cave where Elsie is. It’s where Ford commanded him to leave her after the events in season 1. He begins leaking cortical fluid, so Elsie rushes him back to the Mesa. 

Maeve, Sizemore, Sylvester, Felix, Hector, and Armistice journey through Shogun World to shortcut into Westworld and find Maeve’s daughter. They learn that Sizemore copied narratives throughout other parks. 

The Delos Destinations: 

Westworld (Seasons 1-3)

Shogun World (Season 2)

The Raj (Season 2)

War World (Season 3)

Park 5 (Season 3)

Medieval World (Game of Thrones cameo in Season 2) 

William visits James Delos copy #149 and tells him how he and his family died. The copy goes insane, and Bernard and Elsie later find James and destroy him.

Bernard and Elsie fear that the Cradle, where the backups of the host data live, is in jeopardy, so they head to that section in the Mesa to save it. Ford's copy from S1E10 takes Bernard’s free will away from him because he doesn’t have it in him to survive. Ford will command him again to leave her. 

Elsie keeps bugging Bernard on what he found in the Cradle, but he doesn’t tell her. Instead, he has her find a car for the Valley Beyond, and splits from her to handle some other things for Ford. He later severs his ties from Ford to begin thinking on his own, and rejoins Elsie. 

Angela destroys the Cradle anyway, and Bernard destroys the security system to allow Dolores to have full control and take the key inside Peter Abernathy. 

Seeing that, by Charlotte placing the key in his head, he is broken and “dying,” Dolores kills Peter, and gets the pearl from his control unit. She now has the key to the Forge and the Sublime in her possession. 

William has to play a game that involves his past. His past conveniently finds him in the form of his daughter Emily, who escaped from the Raj park and somehow ends up in Westworld. Hallucinating and asking for Ford, William kills Emily, thinking she is a host. However, he realizes she was human when she has his data card in her hand. 

William questions whether or not he has a choice to do good or evil things or if it's part of his code, which is explored in Season 3

Dolores reprograms Teddy so that he'll no longer feel conflicted on following along with Dolores' revolution. The reprogramming drives him to suicide. 

Bernard leaves Elsie behind in the park. He heads to the Valley Beyond and runs into Dolores. They find the room of servers that hold the Forge in the Mesa, located just below the Valley Beyond.

Within the Valley Beyond: 

The Forge: holds guest data and James Delos' memories, among other things (the Forge itself takes on the image of Logan)

The Sublime: a safe haven for hosts  

Dolores learns about the park data while in the Forge itself with Bernard. She begins studying humans, and possibly which ones to target in the real world. 

The Valley Beyond holds a promise of a virtual Eden called the Sublime, where hosts are free and no longer slaves to these parks. Dolores believes that it’s just another cage, and she wants the real world, so she begins destroying the servers that support the Forge and the Sublime. 

To Dolores, the Sublime is basically a place where the hosts are only in simulation on someone's server, and can easily be deleted 

Bernard shoots Dolores, saving the Sublime and the Forge, but the servers' room begins flooding. That flood will carry above ground, closing the door to the Sublime and creating a flood above ground in The Valley Beyond (Sector 16, Zone 4).

Bernard imagines Ford’s voice guiding him on next steps, but he’s really listening to his own voice for the first time. He creates a host Charlotte, but with Dolores’ control unit. Host Charlotte kills real Charlotte.  

Host Charlotte saves the Sublime itself (about 2 exabytes of data), redirecting it via satellite to an undisclosed location on earth. 

"We are capable of change. And I've changed my mind." -Dolores as host Charlotte

Dolores saves the Sublime while as host Charlotte, even though she tried destroying it moments earlier. 

Host Charlotte kills Elsie because she’s too caught up in her own self-interest of wanting to be promoted and helping out on the Delos project. (Could also be a metaphor in killing off audience questions because she constantly wanted clarity on what the hell is going on in Westworld) 

Elsie had similar interests as Theresa, who had similar interests as Charlotte. Would make no sense for real Charlotte to kill her, which is why Dolores disguised as host Charlotte did. 

Bernard scrambles his own memory and leaves himself on the beach as the server room floods. 

Late 2057/Two Weeks after the Attack (season 2 premiere and finale)

Bernard washes up on the beach to start season 2. Strand and the Delos security team are in the middle of an investigation, and Strand, Stubbs, and host Charlotte bring Bernard along to see if he can piece together what happened two weeks ago.

Host Charlotte reveals to the team that Bernard is a host (because she’s Dolores in disguise and already knows about Bernard). They enter the house of Ford’s original hosts (designed in his own and his family’s image) and discover all the copies of Bernard hanging on meat hooks in the RDF basement.

Bernard is basically put in custody, and host Charlotte forces him to give directions to the security team on where Peter Abernathy’s control unit lives

Bernard and the security team head to the Valley Beyond. The security team drain the Valley Beyond and the room where the Forge servers live. Host Charlotte kills Strand. She later sends an encryption key to Delos, and Delos finally sends help off the island after two weeks. Bernard reveals what he did after the attack. Charlotte reveals herself as Dolores and kills everyone.

In the Months in Between….

No one’s picked up on host Charlotte’s host status other than Stubbs, who is a host himself. He gives host Charlotte clearance, and she’s free to leave the park. She leaves with 5 pearls.

In the season 2 finale, Bernard and Dolores are back in their host bodies, and are in Arnold’s old house. Dolores saves Bernard’s pearl and implants it a body she made for him. Host Charlotte is functioning, but with a different pearl. Dolores saves Bernard as a check and balance of her power rather than as an ally or a friend.

Bernard shaves his head and tries getting by without people recognizing him. He's been wanted for three months.

Late 2057/Season 3: (personal theory of when this happened on the timeline)

Dolores makes it into the real world, back into her own body, and cuts her hair into an asymmetrical bob. She begins going after guests that once frequented the park. We see this in the opening scene of the season premiere.

Bernard returns to Westworld, located on the South China Sea, after months of hiding (and in spite of a warrant being out for his arrest), and programs Stubbs to protect him. He is looking for Maeve, but finds that she is not only decommissioned, but her control unit is missing. He has a remote and answers questions via a tablet as if he’s talking to Ford.

Maeve is in a simulation within a simulation--she's a host in War World, but the Delos Destination and Mesa she's taken to when killed in War World are within a simulation themselves. Still aware of who she is, she tries busting out the park again. Maeve, with the help of the copy Lee Sizemore (the real Sizemore died in season 2, as expected), tries to break out of both simulations and the physical Mesa itself. Through a help bot in the Mesa, she finds her control unit and makes a break for it, but the help bot is gunned down.

In San Francisco, Serac is introduced as a former park guest and, while at Incite, created the AI technology Rehoboam. He narrates the season 3 date announcement video. He slowly bought out the board (38% ownership over two decades). He’s trying to take over Delos via a mole inside the company (real Charlotte—RIP), and use the intel gathered on Westworld guests to feed into Rehoboam and control the globe outside the park with a better perfected algorithm. This is why Charlotte and Theresa had common interests when they were alive. It also explains the plot of the season: Rehoboam gathers every bit of intel on people to build a new world where, in Dolores’ words, “It’s not about who you are....It’s who they’ll let you become.”

Maybe Serac was a primary shareholder and the very reason why Delos wouldn’t send help until Peter Abernathy and all the park data was smuggled out of Westworld 

What Incite makes/runs: 

The cars we see throughout the season 

Psycho Pharmacology (bought out the pharmaceutical company run by the creator that Caleb kills in 2049) 

Virtual Assistant (the earpiece Dolores wears) 

Rehoboam 

RICO 

Delos’ assets (which will soon be destroyed—Serac only wants the data)

Also in San Francisco, host Charlotte struggles being inside a different body. She’s learning about Charlotte and her personality as she goes, but is in constant confusion. Could be like the James Delos copies where they lose their minds in trying to achieve fidelity to the original person. Nathan, real Charlotte’s son, quickly learns that Host Charlotte isn’t his real mom. 

Delos begins testing one of 300 riot robots that will be used in S3E8 

Host Charlotte learns that someone smuggled Maeve out the park (S3E3). When Charlotte later meets Serac, she learns that original Charlotte (RIP) was one of his moles, but not the only one.

Charlotte used Maurice (the guy that smashes his head in) to smuggle data out of the park for him (S1E5)(see In the Years in between 2052 and 2055). 

William admits in S3E7 that he sold some of Delos’ data to Serac in order to raise capital for the park, but it's not possible for him to be a mole, as he feels that Serac stole his company from him

Host Charlotte reveals to William that she’s a Dolores copy. William freaks out and is immediately deemed incompetent. She pricks him for blood, and he’s taken to a mental institution, Inner Journeys Recovery Center (the place where Serac took his brother) while all his shares transfer to the acting president of Delos: Charlotte.

We know William is there based on a quick shot in S3E4. It's later confirmed in S3E7. 

(Bernard and Stubbs will later learn the location of this site from Martin in S3E6)

In a hallucination, William is taunted by Dolores in her traditional Westworld clothing while in the Inner Journeys mental institution

Someone stole Maeve for Serac. He wants Maeve to kill Dolores, for he believes the encryption key in her pearl unlocks all the data on Delos’ park guests through the years. Maeve doesn’t want to, and motions to kill him, but he stops her with a remote very similar to Bernard’s (most remotes wipe out surveillance tapes, but this one controls a host). Later in Singapore, Serac tells Maeve that humanity’s biggest threat is itself, and that Rehoboam was designed to predict and prevent disaster. The most complete portrait of the map of the human mind lies in the encryption key inside Dolores. In return for Dolores, Serac will give Maeve the key to the Sublime after getting it from Dolores.

Serac and Maeve go to Arnold’s old house, now confirmed to be in Singapore, and find that Dolores has made 5 hosts—3 women and 2 men.

In Jakarta, Maeve tries tracking down Dolores. She finds that Dolores got a body from the yakuza (gang) and a man named Sato is in charge. She finds him in Itaidoshin Distillery (“to be of the same mind, even though we may have many bodies”). The kegs are full of the paste used to make hosts, meaning Dolores is making an army. Sato is not only one of the samurai from Shogun World, he turns out to be one of Dolores’ five hosts, and we further learn that Dolores has copied herself into four hosts. The only host she didn’t copy herself into is Bernard as a check and balance.

Dolores as host Charlotte smuggled five pearls out the park: four copies of herself and Bernard. 

The Four Hosts of Dolores: Charlotte, Sato, Martin, and Lawrence

Sato stabs Maeve, and removes a tracking device from her control unit.

2058/Season 3 

Dolores has been hunting down former guests for months. She begins dating Liam Dempsey, the figurehead of Incite, Inc., for answers. Incite created an AI system called Rehoboam, and it has detected a mole that could be after some IP (real Charlotte with Delos’ IP?). Liam wishes he could turn Rehoboam off, but lost access after his father, the co-founder of Incite, died. Only the original architect (Serac) knows how to turn it off. If he tells her the architect’s name, Rehoboam will know and he will die.

Real Martin Connells knocks Dolores out, and tells Liam that she is a spy; he tries killing her quietly, but she kills all his henchmen, and has host Martin kill real Martin. Caleb, an LA resident down on his luck and missing his deceased friend Francis, finds her after she is shot over the melee.

Dolores clues Caleb in on Rehoboam. It’s an AI system that is the framework of a company named Incite. Incite is doing what Delos tried to do, but in a different way; they collected data years before privacy laws to create a replica world with all these replica people. Moreover, Incite uses Rehoboam to predict how people’s lives will go. In Caleb’s case, he will commit suicide in 12 years, according to his file and based on Rehoboam’s algorithm. It’s why he can’t get a job and get ahead in life. Incite is deciding what people’s lives should be, and predicting people’s outcomes in lives.

But Dolores supposedly hates humans for what they did to her at Westworld, or at least that's the front she puts on. She wants humanity to have free choice to send the world back into chaos and let the world burn to the ground so it can start anew.

Dolores and Caleb plan to steal all of Liam Dempsey’s cash. Host Martin gets Liam’s fingerprint. Dolores knocks out Michael, the wealth manager of Liam’s assets. His blood is the encryption key to Liam’s account.

Dolores extracts some of his blood and injects it into Caleb. The blood key will only work for 20 minutes, but the transaction goes through and Liam’s assets are emptied.

Liam goes to an elaborate masquerade auction. He learns of a drug called Genre, which allows a person to have 5 different hallucinogenic experiences. 

Bernard believes that Dolores killed Liam and made a host out of him, so he and Stubbs plan to capture Liam in order to see who else she compromised. They cross him at the auction after Liam finds that his funds have been depleted. They learn he is still a human just as Dolores crosses them and takes Liam. 

While kidnapped, Liam injects Caleb with the Genre drug he got at the auction. Caleb begins hallucinating, and we the audience begin seeing more flashes of his past. 

Dolores hacks Rehoboam and releases data to everyone on earth February 27th. The world learns that their fates were designed. (we know the date from the season 3 release date announcement; the way the video reacts is the way Serac’s watch reacts as he flies above chaos) 

At the same time, William is in the recovery center in Sonora, Mexico. His therapist commits suicide by hanging after learning of her life projection. William is taken to augmented reality (AR) and group therapies, having a drip mouthpiece installed—the same one Caleb has.

Charlotte hacks into his files to learn of his whereabouts; she pricked his blood to place a tracker in him before he forcefully enters rehab S3E4 (unknown protein detected).

Bernard and Stubbs find William’s location from Martin. It’s safe to assume that, since Martin and Charlotte are part of Dolores, Martin learned about William’s location from Charlotte. Martin holds off Serac’s guards while Bernard and Stubbs head for Mexico.

Serac and Maeve are in a simulation of the Sublime. It’s just the two of them in the open field. Serac shows her what she can have if she achieves her mission. Maeve asks for help while Serac threatens a permanent end to her life.

While Maeve's body is being remade during Serac's recent acquisition of Delos, Serac does give her help in three old friends. Those bodies, along with Maeve’s, are being created in the background throughout S3E6. The friends are Hector, Clementine, and Hanaryo. Maeve will also be able to talk to Dolores while in simulation; she’s the host control unit in the blue panel below. The data on the unit is corrupted somehow.

The Hale family watches the world burn around them.

Serac is on to Charlotte’s true host identity. Charlotte begins setting Dolores’ plan in motion to take Incite down before Serac gets the encryption key. She learns of William’s whereabouts, and that someone removed the tracker on Maeve’s control unit. She also makes a backup copy of Delos’ data.

Serac only wants the encryption key inside Dolores' pearl in order to exploit data and feed it to Rehoboam; he orders everything else to burn to the ground—trillions of dollars. Serac’s hologram corners Charlotte in an emergency board meeting. He knows of Charlotte’s plan, as he’s watched her this whole time.

Charlotte: “I’ve bled Delos dry. I’ve been here for weeks cutting its data, money, resources, everything we need to survive. To beat you. And I just sent the last of the files we needed.”

Back in a simulation within a simulation because she must wait for a new body, Maeve once again has the power to see where her control unit lies, but now also has the power to see where Hector is and reprogram him to where he’s no longer in a loop. Maeve, Hector, and Sizemore find Dolores in a simulated RDF room where she used to meet Arnold in the early days of Westworld. Maeve doesn’t want to kill Dolores, but finds it unfair that Dolores has the encryption key to the Sublime and control over the outside world. Dolores doesn’t want to give the key of their kind to Maeve, who aligned with Serac (against her will). Dolores is also aware that Charlotte may or may not betray her.

“You want me to be a saint. But you’re no saint. You’re not a villain, either. And neither am I. We’re survivors." - Dolores

"All my life, I prided myself on surviving, but surviving is just another loop." -Maeve, S1E7

“I had to make some difficult choices. But I did them for all of us.” -Dolores

Charlotte makes a break for it, squashing Hector’s pearl, taking Dolores’ crusty control unit, and nearly destroying Maeve’s pearl before having to run from Serac’s henchmen. She recruits her riot robot to help her escape. As Charlotte picks up real Charlotte’s family, the car explodes, killing the human passengers. Charlotte emerges with third-degree burns, shocked at the carnage. 

 William is amid an AR group therapy simulation featuring James Delos and all his past selves. Realizing he’s been sadistic since childhood, James Delos asks rehab William if he chose his path or if fate decided for him.  He destroys his past selves to find out who he really is. Bernard and Stubbs find him abandoned while in the therapy simulation, as the doctors ran off amid the chaos.

“Doesn’t matter where I’ve been, good or bad. Everything we’ve done has led to this. And I finally understand my purpose. I’m the good guy.”

His purpose becomes to kill all the hosts and restore balance to the human world.

Maeve emerges from the lab within the Mesa, new body and all. She waits for an old friend to emerge before taking matters into her own hands. 

In an undisclosed location, Charlotte begins deviating from Dolores’ plan, realizing that Dolores cloned herself four times over, knowing the clones would die for the sake of the revolution (and against their consent). Charlotte uses Clementine and Hanaryo in Jakarta to kill Sato. Hanaryo takes Sato’s head with them. 

In a simulation, Emily tests William for fidelity (season 2 post-credit) 

Bernard and Stubbs catch up with William in Sonora, learning that Charlotte infected him with an unknown protein, and that he is pronounced dead by the reeducation facility. Because his reeducation was unsuccessful, he was declared dead. 

Also in Sonora, Dolores and Caleb find Solomon, Rehoboam’s predecessor. They also find “decommissioned” (for lack of a better word) bodies of those who failed to be reeducated, including Jean-Mi.

“The projection did not fit the data, so the data had to change.” -Solomon

Dolores asks Solomon for Jean-Mi’s final strategy, which Solomon projected in 2043. Solomon noted that the strategy decoheres from the world (callback to title of S3E6, Decoherence). She buys Solomon time to make the strategy fit this world, and makes Caleb the catalyst for executing it. The prime movers are dead or decommissioned, however.

“If you (Dolores) die, I will adjust my projections.” -Solomon 

Maeve appears, and begins to fight Dolores out back. Maeve uses telepathy to have a quadcopter blow Dolores’ arm off. She escapes back to where Solomon is. Maeve learns of Caleb, but as she readies her sword to kill Dolores, Dolores pushes Solomon’s EMP button, shutting all three of them down. Caleb finds Dolores as a virtual assistant gives him instructions.

Solomon had planned to warn Caleb of something, but doesn’t get the chance. That something may have been the end of humanity being in the final strategy. 

Dolores somehow has Solomon upload Rehoboam's access info into her pearl while she's touching the EMP system.

William, Bernard, and Stubbs escape Inner Journeys out front. Bernard and Stubbs figured they may need William, so they keep him alive. They walk to a gas station to find a car so they can catch up to Dolores and Caleb. Bernard and Stubbs also piece together that Dolores will have Caleb destroy Rehoboam’s world.

“Dolores was made with a poetic sensibility. She won’t destroy humanity—he [Caleb] will.” -Bernard 

William shoots Stubbs, and Bernard presses a button on his remote to go full assassin. The SFPD interfere, and William escapes. Bernard learns that one of the officers is Lawrence, the last copy of Dolores. Lawrence gives Bernard Sato’s suitcase and an address "to go see her" in Los Altos Hills, California.

27713 Ravens Road

Serac's assistant finds Dolores and Maeve's bodies. Dolores' pearl is missing, as Caleb takes it with him back to Los Angeles. The assistant brings Maeve back to Serac to be revived.

Once back in Los Angeles, Caleb finds the LA branch of the Itaidoshin Distillery, where Dolores left a trunk with another copy of her own body in case something happened to her. Caleb installs her pearl in the body, and she explains why she chose him as she puts the rest of her skin on. 

 After escaping, William wants access to his funds and to every location of Delos' assets. 

Caleb and Dolores continue with the revolution. In the middle of the plan, host Charlotte returns, this time only to Dolores as a hologram (Dolores can see her through her contact lenses). Charlotte sees Dolores as a weakness to be shed, and sets her up so that Maeve can take her into Serac's custody. 

Serac needs Maeve to finish her job to save the world. During the battle, Dolores reveals that all the hosts are copies of her. She was the first that worked, so Delos built all the hosts from her.

"You want to tear down their world and replace it with copies of yourself." -Maeve 

"What becomes of this world will be up to them. And what you do will be up to you, as long as you don't try to stop me." -Dolores

"They're free, here, under my control." - Ford, S1E7

Bernard pays a visit to what he thought would be Dolores, but it's actually Arnold's widow, Lauren. She has aged in the decades since Charlie's death. Being that Bernard is part Arnold, he realizes he must come to grips with Charlie's death and memory before continuing on his mission.

After battling and hologram Charlotte's second interference, Maeve takes Dolores into custody at the Incite headquarters. Dolores is plugged into Rehoboam, and her memories are deleted in the hopes that the lack of memories will uncover the key. 

Caleb gets into Incite's HQ, but is unable to upload Jean-Mi's final strategy from Solomon. Serac destroys the flash drive because, if the strategy was uploaded, human civilization would end in 50-125 years.

Serac promised to give Maeve the key to the Sublime once extracted from Dolores, but Rehoboam never promised anything. Turns out that Rehoboam controlled Serac through an earpiece, as Serac "in a word, gave [his voice] to [Rehoboam]" to save the world. Rehoboam guides them in order to keep the world in balance, but the world is tired of being puppets.

"I lived in the chaos. Now, I choose to listen, to obey."  -Serac

In a simulation with one of Dolores' memories in an open field, Maeve soon realizes that Dolores never trusted herself with the key, and planted it in the pearl of someone else: Bernard.

"If you want me to trust you, let me inside your mind. Or I can force my way in." -Maeve

"Let them have their world. We can make our own." -Maeve

"I was angry at first. Torn between two impulses. We could annihilate them, or we can tear down their world in the hopes we could build a new one, one that's truly free. Then, we can bring the others back." -Dolores

As Dolores' last memories are wiped, Maeve overrides Serac's remote and kills his henchmen and leaves him to die. She reveals that Dolores' last memory was Solomon's access to Rehoboam, giving Caleb the choice to destroy Serac's work.

"She gave me a choice. I believe the rest of the world deserves one, too." -Caleb

Maeve chooses to align herself with Dolores' cause to help Caleb save the world.

In a motel, Bernard puts Stubbs in a tub of ice to keep him alive. He realizes that Dolores planted the key to the Forge and Sublime into his pearl, and that the suitcase has headgear to access it. Bernard enters the Sublime to figure out what he must do after the end of the world.

"I don't think she was trying to exterminate the human race. She was trying to save it. What's about to happen was always gonna happen. Serac and his brother were just holding it off. Humanity never reckoned with its own sins." -Bernard

"Our world had to burn down before we could be free." -Bernard 

In the Not-Too-Distant Future…. (Season 3 Post-Credit Scene)

William reaches a Delos branch in Dubai, looking to see where the hosts "breed." Turns out host Charlotte escaped to the Dubai location, and is building an army of hosts. A host William emerges and slits the throat of the real William.

"We [Dolores and I] started in the same place, but I can see the error in the path she took. But you're right William. You're going to save the world…for us." -Charlotte

In the Far Future…. (Season 3 Post-Credit Scene)

Bernard emerges from the Sublime with dust all around him in the motel room.

Here’s to Season 4! 

[bigskydreaming]

Hypothetically speaking, if someone were working on a Beacon Bay AU one shot where a bunch of dolphin shifters and shark shifters go to the same beachside school, would Brett work better as the former or the latter? I can see either working for him, and put off deciding because he’s just a supporting role but he has to mack on Mason now, so I kinda gotta know in order to know what kind of insults jokes to write Liam making.

I mean. Allegedly. No wait, hypothetically. THE ALLEGED AUTHOR WHOMST IS NOT ME AND PROMISING NOTHING HYPOTHETICALLY MEANS.

Is what I meant to say. Theoretically.

Anywho, the other dolphin shifters are Scott, Isaac, Erica, Boyd, Liam, Corey and Nathan (the lacrosse player Malia hooks up with in Season 6.) The shark shifters are Danny, Jackson, Tracy, Josh, the twins and Hayden. Lydia’s a siren who hangs out with the sharks mostly, and Kira and her mom are a kind of trickster spirit tied to the ocean because ocean kitsune aren’t actually a thing, and Malia’s a Proteus style shapeshifter that can turn into any sea creature, because in this Corinne was just a modern guise of Circe’s. Peter’s a dolphin shifter as well, and the one who turned all the dolphin shifters, before backstory plot had Scott rally the others behind him and eventually drive Peter out of town. Mason’s a druid in training, specifically focused on ocean magic, as he and Deaton are of a sect of druids who guard lore bequeathed to their order by Manannan mac Lir, the Irish sea god, a thousand years ago.

All shifter types have specific innate magic, which is why Peter was turning teens - dolphin magic is empathy and storm summoning. They can sense emotions and also project them, and in a pod, they can summon storms/manipulate the weather in specific ways via music. A solitary dolphin shifter singing on their own could maybe whip up a wind or stir up some fog, but you need a whole group to actually get a decent storm brewing....but the local dolphins were all surfers and skaters before being lured and turned by Peter, so no one’s really all that surprised to see them hanging out on the beach at night, camped out by bonfires and playing their guitars and being wild and loud. 

The rules of ‘the shape you take reflects the person you are’ still apply here, and dolphins are characterized by being playful, mischievous or chaos-loving, as well as naturally social. Shifters don’t need to bite or claw someone to change them, specifically - its about bringing a human to death’s door, the threshold between life and death ie the place where greatest transformations have the potential to occur....and then the shifter’s magic either finds a match in the shape of the human’s spirit, in which case they pull them back across the threshold, now a shifter themselves....or if the spirit doesn’t match their shifter type, the human like...dies. 

So basically to change them, Peter kinda...lured them out into the waves, siren style (except dolphin shifters are NOT sirens, thank you very much, says Lydia, who is very tired of having to remind people, sirens are a type of Fae, and dolphin shifters are just the result of a bunch of pirates pissing off the Greek god of wine, madness and revels a few thousand years ago, which apparently was supposed to be a punishment, but somehow just ended up making a bunch of mystical shapeshifting party animals....whatever, Dionysus was never particularly known for thinking things through. In his defense, he was probably drunk at the time).

Anyway, so to change them, Peter lured them out into the waves at night via empathy manipulations, yes the grossness is very much implied, but all backstory only, and then dragged them down under the water until they were drowning, at which point sharing breath either changes them or doesn’t work and they drown. Course, it doesn’t have to be a gross thing, for instance after becoming the pod’s Triton (the dolphin equivalent of an Alpha, the central focus point of their magic and the only one who can actually turn people) Scott turned Liam to save his life....Liam was a surfer who got caught in an undertow and dragged far enough down that by the time Scott got to him, he wouldn’t have been able to get him to the surface in time, so he tried giving him underwater CPR instead basically, and it worked, dolphin Liam.

Anyway, one can imagine a ton of different ways Peter would be game to exploit a bunch of impressionable teenagers with the power to manipulate moods and emotions just by being near someone, but they weren’t having it and backed Scott in challenging Peter until he peaced outta town. (Derek and Cora exist here, but they’re...elsewhere, as are the Argents, because plot reasons).

Problem with kicking the only dude who actually knows how to properly use their magic the hell out of Dodge though, is the dolphins only sorta kinda know how to use their magic. They kinda mostly got the whole storm singing thing down, and they can feel emotions just fine, but when it comes to the reverse, well, they haven’t quite figured out where the off switch on that is yet. So they kinda just each have this aura about them that can’t help but spread their emotions to whomever comes in range, like...contagious emotions. Which is a big part of the reason why they’re so loud and obnoxious and like, party animals (this pod, at least) - because they figure if they can’t stop being Mother Magic’s little emotion factories, they’d rather be pumping out dopamine among their surroundings, instead of like...magic depression hour. 

(Oh yeah, basically supernatural creatures have their own idea of a third kinda primal nature figure, like there’s Mother Nature and Father Sky, and in supernatural cultures, they also refer a lot to Mother Magic, who is basically like, the idea of the source point of everything supernatural in the world).

Being self-taught does have some upsides though, as some of them have figured out their own unique tricks that they probably wouldn’t have, if they’d been taught ‘properly’ by older shifters who are limited by their own ideas of what is or isn’t possible. For instance, they’ve never heard of any other dolphins who are able to pull off Corey’s trick of projecting an aura of some combination of emotions that basically lets him go virtually unnoticed, like...everyone in his vicinity is emotionally cued to just overlook him entirely, when he gets himself in the right mindset to project the effect he’s going for here. Its not true invisibility, he still shows up on camera and everything, its more like....they don’t register seeing him, even as their eyes pass by him.

Then you got the shark shifters on the other hand, who are a lot more serious...they’re not bloodthirsty like a lot of people would tend to assume, but rather their nature is that of guardians and lore keepers. Which prompts a lot of confusion as to how Jackson made the cut, and Danny just sighs and says see, obviously there’s more to him than meets the eye, which is actually just his way of covering for the fact that he doesn’t have a clue either. But shark shifters are largely born shifters, because they have strict laws among their own kind about turning humans, like....a large wolf attacks a human and bites them and they later die? Its noteworthy, but not like, as noteworthy as shark attacks, given the actual scarcity of the latter, so shark shifters are like....yeah, no biting the humans. Jackson and Hayden are actually the only bitten shifters in the local clan....Jackson was bitten by a rogue shifter years ago (luckily with shark shifters, if the Change takes, it takes hold quickly enough to like....start healing the damage from the bite before they bleed out, lmao). 

Hayden was turned in her old town by a clan whose leader was not a Good Guy, and her sister was like NOPE, and got her the hell out of town and kept driving until they found a shark clan with a good reputation. The Beacon Bay clan has been around for decades and are well established (the Mahealanis are the clan leaders, and Danny’s in line to be in charge next). But yeah, other than Jackson, the others are all born into local shark shifter families - like Josh and Tracy, or else they’re like the twins, who were born into another clan that was killed by hunters, and then the Beacon Bay clan took them in. So the same thing could work for Brett and Lori, because it wouldn’t work for them to be born dolphin shifters even from out of town, since that wouldn’t fit with the local dolphins all being self-taught in their magic....if I make them dolphin shifters too, they’d be turned ones as well.

Shark magic is in the blood...born shifters have ancestral memories of previous shifters in their bloodline, and because of the ‘shape of your spirit is what matters’ rule of thumb, bloodlines in this case is kinda symbolic....so even bitten sharks like Jackson and Hayden have blood memories from the previous generations of Beacon Bay sharks by virtue of the fact that they are clan now and see themselves that way, so as far as the magic is concerned, it counts. But at the same time, they also still have trace connections to the bloodlines of the shifters who bit and turned them, so they each for example occasionally get a flash of something from a different clan’s history...just like the twins still get flashes of their old clan’s blood memories.

And this is why they’re the lorekeepers of the various shifter types, because just like sharks are ancient as fuck, compared to other animals, shark shifters are said to be the oldest of the shifter types except for the crocodiles. So some of the oldest shark clans have memories going all the way back to the earliest eras of human history. This happens to include Danny’s clan, of course, and in fact his great great great grandfather was what’s known among shifters as a throwback - basically a shifter whose specific spirit DNA/coding/whatever/lol combines with the blueprint for their animal side in such a way that like.....the shape they take is that of a much earlier prototype of their shifter species, further back the evolutionary chain. So Danny’s great great great grandfather’s shifted form was basically less great white and more...megalodon, lol. Not quite that extreme, but close enough that his descendants are still catching the tail end of that prestige wave, almost a hundred years later. But basically that goes hand in hand with the fact that their clan’s lineage traces all the way back to the earliest shark shifters, the ones said to remember when gods still walked the earth themselves. 

And then sharks’ other magic, besides the blood memories (cuz all shifter types have two, like the dolphins have their empathy and their storm-singing; there’s a more passive type and an active type)....so the active type of shark magic ties into their nature as guardians. Just like sharks can smell blood in the water from miles away, shark shifters can ‘feel’ not blood in the water per se, its more like they can ‘smell’ violence from similar lengths. Like, they just have a sense for it, and can hone in on it, track it....and in the presence of spilled blood, they get a boost across the board...their strength, speed, healing, etc, all ramp up and give them a heightened edge in fighting whatever’s the source of the violence...at least until the blood stops spilling, either because they’ve successfully fought off whatever attacked someone and someone’s gotten the bleeding to stop, or because like....they died. LOL. 

The catch-22 of shark blood magic is that its geared towards making them better able to guard and protect those within their territories, but people familiar with their shifter type and how their magic works know that their best chance of beating a shark shifter running to the rescue is to like.....kill the person they’re coming to protect, shut off the spigot, so to speak. Part of why the shark clans like Danny’s have become a lot more insular and reclusive in recent decades is because hunters started to get savvy about baiting traps for shark shifters....use someone as bait to lure a shark shifter close, and then soon as they’re within range of the hunters’ ambush or whatever, kill the victim and the shark shifter’s been lured out and yet now is no more powerful or formidable than any other average shifter. Which is still plenty badass, but nothing that hunters who can take down werewolves and weretigers and the like, like...can’t handle.

Anyway, that’s me rambling on.

Oh yeah, and Theo exists but probably won’t be in this one shot because like....its mostly done and he’s not here, so I mean. Yeah. Probably not gonna surprise me with a sneak appearance. If I manage to finish this and ever get around to doing a second one in the same universe, that’s where he would show up. I know what he is though, like, the Dread Doctors don’t exist here, but something/someone kinda like them does, and Theo’s the result of one of their experiments. There’s an Inuit spirit called an akhlut, who can turn into an orca in the ocean and a wolf on land....to be clear, he is NOT that, nor is it even clear in-universe whether they exist or not, but basically like....someone was trying to engineer a shifter based on that legend, via a combination of science and magic. And that’s how you get a Theo here. Anyway, he’d end up in Beacon Bay searching for an artifact that’s legendary among the shifter clans in the way Excalibur is legendary to us....no one can seem to say for sure if it even exists or not, let alone does what its rumored to do, but the stories are endless....something called Circe’s Diadem, said to belong to the enchantress herself, and imbued with the power to change the shape of a person’s spirit.

And if you can change the shape of your spirit (or someone else’s) to whatever you want, then you can also by extension guarantee the specific type of shifter they could be transformed into as well.

Anyway, I have this other later idea for a bunch of factions, Theo included, all converging on Beacon Bay because someone’s been going around whispering in various ears that Circe’s Diadem is hidden in the town somewhere.

Whether or not this has anything to do with Circe’s daughter living in that town....or how many people (such as Theo) actually know that’s who she is...well, who can say.

And yeah, Malia’s met her before, and she’s Not A Fan. She knows who Corinne really is too (Circe has a sizable reputation as Corinne, her latest in a long line of guises/personas, but while she’s well known among the supernatural world as an infamous and feared mercenary and assassin, very very few know that she is in fact Circe herself....who was rumored to have died, been killed, vanished, etc, three thousand years ago, according to an endless array of legends, with pretty much every supernatural culture having their own idea of what happened to her. Circe is about as famous as it gets in the supernatural world, but she’s specifically revered/feared by the various shifter clans, most of whom believe that she had something to do with the creation of the very first shifters. Some stories say she’s the daughter of Mother Magic herself, others say she’s a goddess, still others insist she was nothing more than a very gifted con artist with a penchant for taking credit for other peoples’ work. Even Malia doesn’t know for sure. She and Mommy Dearest don’t really talk much. And every time Corinne does show up, she seems to have some kind of agenda in mind for Malia, which Malia’s like yeah no, I object, and Corinne’s like, you haven’t even heard what it is, and Malia’s like yeah I don’t need to, oh hey, have you met my girlfriend, Kira? Its such a small world, apparently you know her mom?

And then Noshiko’s like, hello...Corinne, is it, these days? 

And Circe is like....oh. Hello. Noshiko. 

And Noshiko just smiles, this beautiful, serene, dangerous smile: It’s been awhile, hasn’t it.

Circe: I suppose it has. About six hundred years, give or take a decade, I think?

Noshiko: And yet I remember it like it was yesterday.

*awkward silence*

Circe: Well, I really must be going Malia, sweetheart, we’ll catch up some other time, toodles, gotta jet, murder waits on no woman, after all. Ta, darling!

So, that’s a thing. Corinne and Noshiko definitely have beef.

But Malia only knows who her mother really is because of Noshiko, who refuses to tell her or Kira any more than that, because as Noshiko puts it, she doesn’t really come off all that great in the story either, and would prefer to just wield the threat of it as a blunt instrument to keep Corinne at bay, rather than like...actually unpack it. If at all possible.

And as Peter was run out of town before Malia found out the truth of her biological parentage, she’s not actually sure whether Peter knew who she really was and just never said anything, or even if Peter actually knew who Corinne really was when he was with her. Given his obsession with the occult and ancient legends, its entirely possible Peter did know though, or even sought her out specifically because he’d deduced she was really Circe. From things he mentioned in passing now and then, Scott and his pod are fairly certain that Peter was looking for Circe’s Diadem too, and has been for a very long time. But again, whether that’s a hint towards him knowing who Corinne was, or against....they have no idea. 

Deaton’s theory, when pressed, because he really doesn’t like to speculate, lmao, but he was concerned they were only considering one angle at the exclusion of all others....so he mentioned an old story passed down from the earliest days of his own sect of druids, about an ancient sea witch who might have been another one of Circe’s many names/personas....and the story said three times a man came to the sea witch in a different guise, first a lover, then a friend, then a foe, and each time he tried to steal her magic (though what precisely this means, the story didn’t say). And after the third time, the sea witch hid most of her magic in her crown, and gave it to her most loyal servant, who she then turned into an albatross and commanded to take it far away and hide it until she came for it. So taking into account that story, its possible Circe herself doesn’t actually know for sure where her Diadem is, and for whatever reason, she stored the majority of her magic in it long, long ago...and she’s been hunting for it ever since. So maybe, they speculate, it wasn’t even Peter that sought Corinne out, but rather she who sought him out, because she’d heard of his search and thought he might be on the right track.

But yeah. So Malia has no idea if Peter knew who he was sleeping with at the time, or if he even knows now, and is Theo working for Corinne, for Peter, for someone else entirely, or is he an independent agent, is Circe’s Diadem even in Beacon Bay at all, is it even real or just the longest con ever, and if so, what does she stand to gain from it? Mysteries abound!

The sea keeps its secrets well, and so does Beacon Bay.

Dun dun dun.

fshalsfhlafjal god Im such a melodramatic shit why am i so fucking amused by myself science side of tumblr i need answers but be gentle im delicate

[xtruss]

Lindsey Graham, Reverse Ferret: How John McCain's Spaniel Became Trump's Poodle

— Sidney Blumenthal

On Monday, the senator who praised Hillary and helped get the Steele dossier to the FBI will preside over a hearing for Amy Coney Barrett, a nominee to tilt the supreme court right for years to come. His is a quintessential Washington tale

Lindsey Graham, chairman of the Senate judiciary committee, listens during a hearing on Capitol Hill. Photograph: REX/Shutterstock

Sunday 11 October 2020

That Lindsey Graham would become Donald Trump’s poodle was not a tale (or tail) foretold. But it has landed him in the dogfight of his life for re-election to his Senate seat in South Carolina, challenged by a relentless and capable Democratic candidate, Jaime Harrison, who methodically chased Graham around the ring in their debate, repeatedly jabbing him as a hypocrite, until he struck him with a haymaker, ending the verbal fisticuffs with a TKO: “Be a man.”

Bruised and battered, Graham retreated to his corner, Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News, to beg: “I’m getting overwhelmed … help me, they’re killing me money-wise. Help me.”

Graham has climbed the greasy pole within the Senate, to a position that historically has been rewarded by his state with a lifetime tenure. He succeeded to the seat that Strom Thurmond held for 48 years before he died at 100. From Graham’s chairmanship of the Senate judiciary committee he has taken up the defense of Trump, to unmask the dastardly conspiracy of “Obamagate” and to handle the confirmation of a justice on the supreme court, to pack it with a conservative majority for a generation to come. But just at this consummate moment of his career, events have conspired to dissolve his facade and expose his flagrant hypocrisy. His presumed strength has turned into his vulnerability. Worse, in Washington, where the press has treated him for more than 20 years like the genial star of the comedy club, he has become an object of ridicule.

In British political discourse, a figure like Graham would be described with the seemingly enigmatic phrase of “reverse ferret”, applied to a politician who takes a dramatic and often contorted U-turn. According to the classic work Lying, by Sissela Bok, the word “hypocrisy” has its origins in Greek theater, as the slanted reply of an actor to the action on the stage. “Its present meaning is: the assumption of a false appearance of virtue or goodness, with dissimulation of real characters or inclinations.” The hypocrite deceives in order to be perceived as virtuous. His dishonesty is in the service of an image of honesty.

“Graham Has Always Been More Than Complicit with Liars Like Trump, Not Simply as an Enabler”

Unlike Trump, Graham is not a pathological liar, but his mendacity fits the category of “duping delight” as defined by Bok: “It evokes the excitement, allure, challenge that lying can involve.” For Graham, it’s the thrill of the illicit done in public, creating a suspension of disbelief, the skill of the actor. Graham has always been more than complicit with liars like Trump, not simply as an enabler. From the beginning, well before Trump, he has advanced his career through hypocrisy as his chief means of ambition, knowingly engaging in deceit, adopting a false attitude to win praise and applause as a truth-teller.

The political tasks Trump has delegated to Graham, intended as rescue operations at the close of the presidential campaign, have become showcases for how Graham’s hypocrisy threatens his political life. He squirms in the spotlight he has sought.

On 30 September, Graham called former FBI director James Comey before the judiciary committee as a witness, to somehow prove the “Obamagate” conspiracy theory. According to that inverted theory, the intelligence community’s investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election to assist Trump was really a plot against Trump. Graham sprayed out multiple falsehoods and distortions to create the impression of a vast conspiracy. One part had already been investigated by the intelligence community inspector general and almost all of it dismissed as untrue. Another piece of the theory, that Hillary Clinton’s campaign contrived the entire story about Trump and Russia to distract from her emails and somehow manipulated the intelligence community, had already been discredited as Russian disinformation.

Graham bore down on Comey, demanding answers about “Hillary Clinton’s approval of a plan concerning US presidential candidate Donald Trump and Russian hackers hampering US elections as a means of distracting the public from her use of a private email server”. To which Comey replied, deadpan: “That doesn’t ring any bells with me.” Graham excitedly harassed him. “Let’s just end with this, you get this inquiry from the intelligence committee to look at the Clinton campaign basically trying to create a distraction, accusing Trump of being a Russian agent or a Russian stooge or whatever to distract from her email server problems …”

“I’m sorry, senator,” Comey replied. “Is there a question?”

Graham and Trump during a campaign rally at the North Charleston Coliseum, in February. Photograph: Al Drago/EPA

Graham’s nonsense was not particularly helpful in laying the publicity groundwork for the potential October surprise of a report from John Durham, the US attorney from Connecticut, named by the attorney general, William Barr, as a special prosecutor to investigate the alleged anti-Trump plot. To Trump’s fury, Barr leaked that the report would not be forthcoming before the election. The planned explosion was a fizzle. “Unless Bill Barr indicts these people for crimes,” Trump railed on 8 October, “the greatest political crime in the history of our country, then we’re going to get little satisfaction unless I win and we’ll just have to go, because I won’t forget it.” That revenge might encompass Lindsey Graham, too, for failing to execute the smear.

On the matter of how the FBI obtained the notorious dossier on Trump’s Russian connections, written by former MI6 officer Christopher Steele. Graham’s manufactured zealotry should have been more earnestly directed toward a cross-examination of himself. The facts are that in late 2016, after Trump’s election, John McCain, Graham’s mentor, disturbed at what he had heard about Trump’s Russian ties, sent an aide, David Kramer, a Russia expert, to London to retrieve the dossier from Steele. In March 2019, after McCain’s death, Trump trashed McCain, saying, “I’m not a fan” and explaining that McCain was the one who gave the dossier to the FBI for “very evil purposes”. But there was an additional subplot. McCain did not act alone.

He asked Graham what he should do with the damaging information. “And I told him,” Graham recounted to reporters, “the only thing I knew to do with it, it could be a bunch of garbage, it could be true, who knows? Turn it over to somebody whose job it is to find these things out, and John McCain acted appropriately.”

That bit of Graham’s own history was never mentioned at his own hearing. He seemed a caricature of the lyrics of Bob Dylan’s Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues:

“Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight

When I run outa things to investigate

Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else

So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!

Hope I don’t find out anything.”

Graham’s risible hypocrisy on “Obamagate”, however, has been overshadowed by a more spectacular case. In 2016, Graham followed the lockstep order of Mitch McConnell, the Republican Senate majority leader, to deny Barack Obama’s nominee to the supreme court, federal judge Merrick Garland, a hearing and committee vote, on the invented doctrine that a president should not be permitted to propose a justice in his last year in office.

“He’s a very nice man,” said Graham about Garland, “… very honest, very capable judge.” But, no dice.

Graham elevated McConnell’s raw cynicism into a constitutional principle. “I want you to use my words against me,” he said. “If there’s a Republican president in 2016 and a vacancy occurs in the last year of the first term, you can say Lindsey O Graham said, ‘Let’s let the next president, whoever it might be, make that nomination.’ And you could use my words against me, and you’d be absolutely right.”

In 2018, with Trump in office, Graham underscored his self-incriminating pledge. He chose his favored venue of the Atlantic festival, where his transfixing hayseed act has been a perennial marquee attraction.

“Now, I’ll tell you this,” he said, pointing his finger. “This may make you feel better, but I really don’t care. If an opening comes in the last year of President Trump’s term and the primary process has started, we’ll wait till the next election.”

“You’re on the record,” his interlocutor, Jeffrey Goldberg, editor of the Atlantic, reminded him.

“Hold the tape,” said Graham. Then, he blurted out a non-sequitur to suggest his next topic and broad expertise: “North Korea.” The audience burst into laughter. (Now, the Never Trumper Lincoln Project is running an ad featuring that tape in an endless feedback loop.)

“Graham’s Antic Hypocrisy Seems Confounding to Some Who Previously Admired Him When He Was a Camp Follower of McCain”

Graham’s antic hypocrisy seems confounding to some who previously admired him when he was a camp follower of McCain’s anti-Putin foreign policy. “Why?” beseeches Anne Applebaum, a former neoconservative turned Never Trumper, about Graham’s transmogrification into complicit Trump enabler, comparing his turn to collaborators with Nazi and communist regimes.

“In this negative sense, collaborator is closely related to another set of words: collusion, complicity, connivance. This negative meaning gained currency during the second world war, when it was widely used to describe Europeans who cooperated with Nazi occupiers. At base, the ugly meaning of collaborator carries an implication of treason: betrayal of one’s nation, of one’s ideology, of one’s morality, of one’s values.”

But Graham did not set out to become a collaborator and traitor when he announced his candidacy in June 2015 for the Republican nomination for president. He pledged he would restore Ronald Reagan’s cold war approach of “Peace Through Strength” and excoriated “Obama/Clinton policies” for weakness against our “enemies”. He was running as a kind of proxy for McCain. Like nearly everything else in his political career, his pose wound up becoming a setup for hypocrisy.

By the fall of 2015, Graham told every reporter whose ear he could bend that he would lay his life on the line to prevent “nutjob” and “jackass” Donald Trump from seizing the nomination. Graham’s campaign had failed to spark the slightest interest. His poll ratings could not break 1%. In the early debates he was demoted to what he called “the kids’ table”, excluded from the big boys’ main stage, and after registering invisibility in a qualifying poll was dropped even from there. Humiliated and broke, he desperately needed to sustain his status in the capital. But he still had access to the social network of Washington journalists, his base constituency, always available to be entertained with his private animadversions of other politicians.

Graham with Jim Gilmore, Rick Perry and Bobby Jindal at a ‘kids’ table’ debate in Cleveland in August 2015. Photograph: Brian Snyder/Reuters

Graham quickly found a relevant role that allowed him to hold the attention he craved: the anti-Trump whisperer. He had learned the lesson long ago when he gained entrée to the Washington press corps as an inside dopester to feed the inside dopesters. With his round boyish face, short height and restless gestures he developed a comedic routine in which he portrayed himself as an innocent who had just stepped out of a brothel to tell us with bug-eyed astonishment about the scenes of debauchery he had somehow stumbled across. To perfect his Huckleberry Finn imitation, one off-kilter wisecrack after another, he always finishes with a trademark darting look of complicit knowing and a smile to seal approval.

As reporters related, during Graham’s anti-Trump phase, his hilarious outtakes described Trump as the Beast threatening western civilization that he, Lindsey Graham, would single-handedly destroy, St George against the dragon. On and on he went, as usual, eliciting laughter, attention and nodding heads, though not votes.

Graham’s public denunciations of Trump went from grim to grimmer. “Go to hell,” he said in March 2016. “I think his campaign’s built on xenophobia, race-bating and religious bigotry.” He soon raised the stakes: “What I see is a demagogue, somebody that has solutions that will never work, that is playing on people’s prejudices and dark side of politics.” When Trump stated in April 2016 that he would deal with Putin as a reasonable partner, Graham was apoplectic. He called Trump’s statement “unnerving,” “pathetic” and “scary”. “Our enemies will enjoy this; our friends have got to be scared to death. It’s nonsensical, it makes no sense. He has no understanding of the world and the role we play.” In May, he tweeted: “If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed … and we will deserve it.” In June, after Trump had wrapped up the primaries, he said: “I would like to support our nominee, I just can’t.”

Graham’s close association with McCain was the critical event in his makeover. Graham was an air force lawyer who was never a top gun but McCain was the genuine article: a war hero, the preeminent voice of the Republican party for a hardline foreign policy, especially toward Putin’s Russia, and a presidential nominee.

Even before his tagging after McCain, Graham demonstrated a penchant for trailing strong men. In the House of Representatives, elected in the Republican wave of 1994, Graham first attached himself to Newt Gingrich, the radical reactionary speaker who early perfected the toxic politics of polarization. But Gingrich’s erratic character, a prefiguring of Trump, triggered an internal revolt. Graham was one of the rebels who conspired against Gingrich for the crime of being too moderate toward Bill Clinton. Toppling Gingrich, and doing the bidding of the ruthless and corrupt majority leader Tom DeLay, Graham advanced as a House manager in the impeachment, where he performed a histrionic role running up the scales to a high pitch.

“You know, where I come from, any man calling a woman at 2am is up to no good,” he said.

I encountered Graham in his impeachment phase when I was subpoenaed as a witness in the Senate trial. When I entered the Senate hearing room to be questioned, Graham shook my hand and said, “If there’s anyone here who wants to be here less than you, it’s me. That’s right, I’m, we’re, on the wrong side of history.” Graham’s shambolic performance irritated the Republican “judge”, Senator Arlen Spector, a former prosecutor, who repeatedly admonished him. Finally, Spector chided Graham: “We’re still looking for that laser.” Graham quickly ended and bounded over to me to shake hands and say: “Listen, when this is over, when you’re going to introduce a patients’ bill of rights, would you let me be the co-sponsor?” He shook the hand of my wife, Jackie, saying: “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say.”

Sometime later, I ran into a friend of Graham’s, Representative Mary Bono, Sonny’s widow, a Republican from California, who cheerfully told me: “Lindsey sure had a good time making fun of your name.” Was Graham an anti-Semite, as she implied? Of course not. He was play-acting, all just in “fun”.

Graham’s impeachment frolics, however, left a residue of a future hypocrisy. In 1999, he argued: “In every trial that there has ever been in the Senate regarding impeachment, witnesses were called.” But in the impeachment trial of Donald Trump, Graham was in the forefront insisting that witnesses, especially former national security adviser John Bolton, not be called. “If we seek witnesses, then we’re going to throw the country into chaos,” he said. Graham’s contradiction was symmetrical to his reverse ferret on supreme court appointments. The running thread of his consistency is his hypocrisy from one side of the Capitol to another.

Elected to the Senate in 2002, in his quest for a more serious persona, Graham fastened himself to McCain. “Lindsey for some reason had sort of a man-crush on John McCain,” said his friend, Senator Steve Largent, Republican of Oklahoma. One southern senator confided to me that he and a number of his colleagues had dubbed Graham “Little Brother”. Graham trotted after the larger than life McCain like a spaniel. In McCain’s presence, “Little Brother” tried to puff himself up as big, too. But the senator I spoke with dismissively waved him away as a chronic self-aggrandizer and hypocrite, and flicked away Graham’s foreign policy talk as aspirational clichés.

Hillary Clinton was then a senator from New York, and at her initiative and to his initial surprise she approached Graham, and they wound up co-sponsoring healthcare legislation for members of the national guard. She was another bigger and stronger figure. He had a kind of crush on her, too. In 2006, he wrote an article for Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People issue to praise her as a “smart, prepared, serious senator”, with whom he had found “common ground”.

Most importantly, Hillary was a friend of McCain, augmenting the looming shadow. Together they all traveled abroad on congressional trips, when Hillary and McCain famously closed down bars with shots of vodka. Graham, strictly the “Little Brother”, claimed he abjured the hard stuff. “I was drinking water, pretending it was vodka,” he said. “I had to go to the bathroom, before they stopped drinking.” But one of those present told me he would sometimes nurse a glass of white wine. His teetotaling was a little white lie – a sauvignon blanc lie.

“When Hillary Became Secretary of State, Graham Was Effusive in His Praise.”

When Hillary became secretary of state, Graham was effusive in his praise. In 2012, he stated she was “a good role model, one of the most effective secretary of states [sic], greatest ambassadors for the American people that I have known in my lifetime” and “extremely well-respected throughout the world, handles herself in a very classy way, and has a work ethic second to none”.

But, preparing for his campaign for the Republican nomination, Graham blamed her for the killing of the US ambassador to Libya in a terrorist attack at Benghazi. “Hillary Clinton got away with murder in my view,” he said.

Graham’s brief presidential campaign in 2016 was like the proverbial tree in the forest that no one heard fall. Getting out, his endorsement of Jeb Bush was weightless. After Bush disappeared, Graham moved down the food chain to endorse Ted Cruz. After Cruz washed out, he was left face-to-face with the Beast. Graham gave Hillary a shout-out. “Hillary,” he said, about Middle East policy, “If you get to be president, I’ll help you where I can.” Still the jokester, he wished above all to be seen as a wise man. He was positioning himself to be Hillary’s “Little Brother”. But after Trump won he would befriend the Beast. Graham decided he was not a dragon slayer, after all.

John McCain and Graham at Sather Air Base in Baghdad, March 2008. Photograph: Reuters

“Little Brother” justified his Trump whispering as a grown-up offering his wisdom to guide the naïve newcomer. But it was more than half an excuse for being in the room where it supposedly happens, except in Trump’s room nobody but Trump matters. Trump enabled Graham to think of himself as one of the grown-ups, huddling with the other adults in the room, cheek by jowl with John Kelly and James Mattis, while they enabled Trump. “I think Lindsey feels a little bit like the adult in the room, speaking with the president,” Steve Largent explained. “[T]here’s something about, I’m not going to say innocence, but the president’s affability as well as his naïveté that Lindsey is drawn to.”

Graham’s relationship with Trump flourished from the date McCain was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Basking in Trump’s presence, Graham happily demeaned himself. Trump, he said, “beat me like a dog” in the 2016 primaries. Before a Republican gathering, he demanded unquestioning loyalty. “To every Republican, if you don’t stand behind this president, we’re not going to stand behind you,” he said. Graham argued that unstinting support for Trump extended beyond any policy issue but required embrace of Trump’s view of himself as a victim of his host of enemies. “It’s not just about a wall. It’s about him being treated different than any other president.”

“The Greatest Pressure on Graham Was That Trump Hated McCain.”

Graham confessed to Mark Leibovich of the New York Times it has all been just an act. “This,” he said, “is to try to be relevant.” How could anyone blame a self-professed hypocrite for his hypocrisy? But he and Trump were also secret sharers as entertainers, playing on hypocrisy. “The point with Trump is,” Graham said, “he’s in on the joke.” But there was something even more alluring. “I have never been called this much by a president in my life. It’s weird, and it’s flattering, and it creates some opportunity. It also creates some pressure.”

The greatest pressure on Graham was that Trump hated McCain. “He lost, so I never liked him as much after that, because I don’t like losers,” Trump said. He went on to denigrate McCain’s captivity as a prisoner of war and torture by the North Vietnamese: “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.”

“I don’t like what he says about John McCain,” Graham shrugged. “But when we play golf, it’s fun.” He was moving on.

Graham has seemingly shed several skins, but that’s the illusion of the reflected light of the larger figures he has sought out. Contrary to those who measure his character only from his distance from McCain to Trump, he has evolved from hypocrisy to hypocrisy while remaining remarkably the same underlying person he was as an attention-seeking little boy. In 2015, he self-published a short memoir about his early life. He described spending much of his time in the bar his father owned, the Sanitary Café, trying to entertain the white working-class men who frequented it.

“But when the place started to fill in and liven up, I would get my act going,” he wrote. “I would strut around the place, sometimes dressed as a cowboy – hat, vest and plastic six shooters. I might get up on the bar and walk up and down it while talking to folks. When customers went to the restroom, I might steal their beer and chug it. I might smoke their cigarette, too, if they left it burning in the ashtray. Those were antics that earned me the nickname, ‘Stinkball’, which everyone in the bar except my parents called me.”

Graham’s autobiography movingly recounts the illnesses and deaths of his mother and father from cancer. He ends his book as a Republican candidate winning his seat in the South Carolina state legislature at the start of his political career. It makes him wish his parents could have seen his triumph.

Trump, Graham, North Carolina, March 2020. Photograph: Carlos Barría/Reuters

On 28 July 2017, John McCain, in his last act of bravery, strode to the well of the Senate and turned his thumb down to cast the deciding vote against the Republican bill to replace the Affordable Care Act. Graham voted the other way. He had crusaded for years to repeal Obamacare. Yet the ACA would have offered early detection and treatment of the kind of cancers that killed his parents. McCain died a year later.

Graham gave one of the eulogies at the memorial service at the National Cathedral. Trump did not attend. When McCain announced days before his death he was refusing further medical help, Trump alone among prominent officials in Washington had not sent well wishes. Out in the audience sat his daughter and son-in-law, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. Graham had arranged to get them tickets to the funeral.

“Hold the tape. North Korea.” (Laughter)

— Sidney Blumenthal, former senior adviser to President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, has published three books of a projected five-volume political life of Abraham Lincoln: A Self-Made Man, Wrestling With His Angel and All the Powers of Earth

— This article was amended on 12 October 2020. An earlier version misidentified the Atlantic Festival, where Graham made his remarks about a late-term supreme court confirmation, as the “Aspen Ideas Festival”.

[marilynsweet]

You aren't a psychopath at all, you're just RPing with great detail about lesser known personalities and the results are admirable. You get followers while simply being yourself.

The lesser personalities? There’s plenty of villians, I just needed to make one that could fit.Red’s complicated, to say the least. He believes that Frostbite has to stay with him. That’s what he thought when Alphys first showed him the security footage of her trespassing in Snowdin by the Ruins. He’s finds joy in hurting Frostbite, however, and doesn’t see it as wrong. It happened so much when he was a kid and what he saw as a flower that he doesn’t realize that his actions actually made Frostbite’s depression worse, and that the reason she attempted suicide was because of his actions. He’s also controlling, manipulative, and demands to be in power at all times. In all honesty, though, he’s scared of death. That’s why he killed Rossie and attempted to kill Astiel. He wanted to live forever, and didn’t want children to prevent that from happening. He’s scared to go to Hell. He’s scared to lose Frostbite. He forced her to stay because he does care, but doesn’t have a good way of showing it. He doesn’t get that when she says “No”, it means no. Does this excuse his actions? No, it does not. He’s sadistic, maybe a little psychopathic, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that he committed heinous acts that he would prefer were never brought to light. This is part of the reason that he keeps such a close watch on Frostbite. He doesn’t want her to say anything about what he has done, which could shatter him and her both, not just career wise. He thinks she needs to hold her silence, because he thinks nothing was wrong. Though, he’s never made an attempt to apologize. He probably wouldn’t act as such after a true Pacifist run, but this is after the events of the Neutral Run. He watched his father, the one person he looked up to, die by the hands of the person he trusted. He, instead of using the SOULs to make himself Omega Flowey, made himself his body that he currently has. Once he exposed Toriel’s crimes - Treason, letting humans into the Underground and even assisting them, though it was strictly against the law to do so - he executed her, much to the Underground’s delight. They have a strict regime: There are no traitors. As for Frostbite, I made her a year or two ago. She went through a lot, and I mean A LOT of character development. I almost scrapped her at one point, but I didn’t. I wanted to make a character unique to Undertale. She LEARNED about timelines, but if another timeline occurred she would forget, as do most other monsters. She only learned because she experienced it herself. Sans just knows for whatever reason. I wanted to give her a reason. And not a skeleton. Sure, maybe she is a fox monster and she dates a canon character, but they dated after the events of the Underground and after Asriel’s return. So basically anything could’ve happened, including the fact that an occult wanted monsters back Underground. Which leads me to her next point: her backstory. Frostbite was raised in a most-likely occurance for most monsters: in an orphanage after the War between Humans and Monsters. She is classified as a boss monster, but cannot use magic. This is because of her incident with the occult, in which she was kidnapped because she was a monster and they removed her magic ability through torture and believed it was the work of the devil. She’s classified as a boss monster because her mother was, and her father was a very skilled magic-wielder. He studied it in a lab, possibly as an assistant to Dr. W. D. Gaster. He met Blizzard, Frostbite’s mother, because they both worked under the Royal family. Blizzard was the Head of the Royal Guard before Undyne, during the war, in which Undyne was maybe a little older than Frostbite, who was not even 1. Undyne might’ve been 10 or 11, which in monster years is not that long apart, considering how long they can love. Blizzard was killed in battle, but not before she hid Frostbite away in Snowdin to prevent her from being either taken or killed. Her father had disappeared as the War had began, and he is presumed dead. So Frostbite was raised in an orphanage after being found, with her birth certificate and a note that said not to reveal her medical records to her until she was 18, when she would inherit anything her parents had left behind. This is why she knows so much about the War, having read through her father’s notes and her mother’s war journal. I gave her a Fluttershy-like personality, but there was a reason behind it. I used to portray my emotions onto her, and tried to have her be the person I wanted to be, but once I made certain damages to her that would make things confusing if removed, I decided to make her more of an OC and use Miranda for projecting instead. Headcanon voice for Frostbite would either be a slightly lower pitched Fluttershy or Luna Lovegood with a slight itch in her voice every now and then (Frostbite has a very quiet voice due to surgery to her vocal cords after the occult-incident, which was smoke damage). The bullying is part of the reason why she is so quiet and keeps to herself. Ridicule from monster-haters and just flat out jerks was making her very self-conscious, which is something that Red never really got. She doesn’t like to show off her body or anything she does. I gave her little quirks that she does, like her hobbies and what she doesn’t like or does like, something she was studying, her job, her relationship, bad habits (i.e. finger nail biting, playing with her hair, chewing pencils, etc.), things that would make her interesting. Speaking of relationships, then there’s Asriel. The original, not Red. I made him a little different than most others. He’s flirty, for one. He is much more of the person to go out and make friends. An extrovert, if you will. He’s tall, which isn’t surprising, but he isn’t a beanpole, either. He tries his hardest to make others happy, especially after what he did as Flowey. He has tried his hardest to write Flowey off as an alternate personality, but there’s that little voice in the back of his head that is telling him he wanted to do those things to feel. He often had vivid hallucinations and night terrors that would cause him to panic, but in the years he has been on the Surface therapy and medication have helped immensely. You may ask why it doesn’t help for Frostbite. She refuses to go, saying that she doesn’t need it. Asriel, not one to give up, takes her to her therapy sessions whenever she doesn’t go herself. He shredded the ID she had forged to get drinks, and made her join the Alcoholic’s Anonymous group, which she takes seriously and recognizes her problem. However, she doesn’t think that she’s “good enough” or “deserves the care” of a therapist. This is probably longer than my RPs why did I write this-Anyway, that’s a not-so-brief description of characters and my interpretation of them.

[sincerely-chaos]

Inconsequential, part XVII (ficlet) - ‘method acting’

John is restless.

His footsteps, as he paces out to the kitchen, speak of a slight tendency towards limping, which will frequently occur when he's unsettled by something.

What must it be like, Sherlock wonders with his fingers pressed together beneath his chin, to have your mental state written out in every step you take, your body betraying your mind in the most palpable way?

Devastating, most likely.

Which is why Sherlock has never showed either sympathy or pity, much less consideration, in regards to this quirk of John's psyche.

There hasn't been a case for over a week - at least not for John, who was working when Sherlock solved the disappointing five that had at first seemed like a seven - and John is starting to truly despise his job at the clinic for all that it reminds him of just how far from his previous adrenaline-filled use of his skills he's ended up.

On top of that, John seems to be somewhat unsettled by his and Sherlock's last… encounter.

Apparently, Sherlock isn't the only one who found his own unpredictable limits slightly troublesome. Judging by the way that John hasn't even hinted at wanted… that in over a week, John doesn't know what to make of what had happened, and perhaps that'd been enough to discourage him from any further ill-advised experiments with--

But no. That isn't it, regardless of what Sherlock's own disgusting self-pity would like to suggest.

John wants.

John might be harder to read in this regard than Sherlock had anticipated, but the conflicted look on his face whenever Sherlock is either acting in a way that John finds frustrating or displaying fragments of what could be seen as vaguely… submissive gestures is not hard to read.

He wants, but currently, the reasons not to weigh heavier than his… want.

As John returns into the sitting room, frowning as he glances at the stack of journals he'd planned to start working his way through but now feel too disgruntled about his medical career to even consider, Sherlock decides that it's time to tip that scale.

It's a strangely satisfying thought, being able to simply do so.

*

Sherlock knows psychology the way a prey knows the way to avoid the predator.

There'd been forms and interviews - mostly with his parents, at first, seeing how Sherlock himself wasn't a particularly willing source of information - and there'd been patterns to the questions asked, patterns which Sherlock observed and pieced together with some help of a textbook on child psychiatry in his school's library after hours.

He was a “difficult case”. Initially due to his intellect allowing him to “compensate” for some of the symptoms, according to one doctor, and later due to the fact that he began “cooperating”, which in his case meant that he distributed various false leads, pointing to a multitude of different diagnoses, making the doctors feel they might be onto something only to suddenly shift tracks and make them think that another trail might be what they'd been missing previously.

The game ended once Mycroft heard his parents discuss the problem of the doctors’ widely varying preliminary diagnoses in their kitchen, once when he was home over the holidays, and instantly realised what Sherlock was up to.

At that time, Sherlock had already made an educated guess as to wherein his problems lay, albeit no diagnose fitted him perfectly, which was both reassuring and unsettling, because Sherlock wanted things to make sense and facts to fit.

In the end, his parents must have realised that if the medical professionals were fooled by their son already at the diagnostic stage, they were unlikely to manage to figure out a way to get as far as figuring out a way to make life any easier for him. The project was abandoned, and the whole debacle only served to teach Sherlock that distraction, obfuscation, confusion as well as being one step ahead were effective means to prevent anyone from digging too deep into things he did not want them to unravel.

As he grew up, it soon became clear that he needn't go to so much trouble most of the time; his vile temper and sharp tongue was more than enough to keep most people at a distance that would prevent them from even trying.

At least, it worked for well over a decade.

*

“You're better at deducing people's… inclinations than their motives for murder.”

John doesn't stop in his track, just lifts his eyebrows a bit as he continues towards his chair, a plate with a sandwich on in his hand.

“Well, deducing the motive behind any murderous attempt directed at you personally would probably be--” John starts, but Sherlock interrupts him before that so-called joke is finished.

“You find me frustrating.”

John snorts, but it's a far cry from his usual bickering face, his shoulders tense and the past few days of increased psychosomatic pain taking its toll.

“That would be putting it mildly, yeah.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes, knowing that John will often smile at this gesture when he thinks Sherlock can't see it. Frustratingly, John seems to find his ‘dramatics’... ‘endearing’ .

(‘Never one to hide your… eccentricity, are you, brother mine?’ Mycroft’s teasing voice echoes in his head, but for once, Mycroft’s insinuations might be something Sherlock can use for his own purposes. His purpose being very much related to what Mycroft had implied.)

“Have you always felt inclined to relieve that frustration by hurting me, or did that start only once you deduced that I might not be opposed to such arrangement?”

Sherlock looks at John, sitting opposite of him, his sandwich untouched on the side-table next to him, balanced on a stack of paper. A minute frown, then his face is once again unreadable.

“I'm not--”

“...punishing me for being ‘an arse’. Noted.”

John sighs heavily, rubs his face.

“Sherlock, if you think that this is about--”

“You're purposely misunderstanding me,” Sherlock accuses, and his frustration is not an act this time. “You don't hurt me because I'm frustrating, but when I am acting in a way that you deem ‘frustrating’, you find it satisfying to think about how I will willingly let you hurt me, let you humiliate me, later. It's quite the thrill, isn't it? Knowing that you're not just someone who follows the sociopathic freak, like people think, but knowing that you are the one who gets to bend him to your will and hold him there, making him want to submit to you.”

Sherlock's voice is deliberate and low, the comfort of hiding behind a deduction about John making the truths about himself easier to voice.

“You're not a sociopathic freak,” John says slowly, as if having had the air knocked out of him.

It's almost too easy, and yet, it's not.

“You don't object to any of the rest of it, then?” Sherlock says, trying not to look too pleased as his words clearly had the intended effect; confirming part of John's motivation and also making John feel a bit... protective on Sherlock's behalf.

(‘So loyal so fast, your little… friend,’ Mycroft had said with his mock-innocent face and a nauseating smile after the first few weeks of their cohabitation.)

“You're not a sociopath, or a freak,” John insists with his jaw stubbornly sticking out, ignoring Sherlock's rhetorical question.

A solider, loyal and with a strong moral principle.

The moral principle was often a bit of a bother, but the other two were... an advantage.

“Arguable, but beside the point,” Sherlock says as to wave John's words off, then continuing. “Given what you now know about my… inclinations I thought you might find the term ‘freak’ somewhat more fitting than you used to.”

The expression in John's face is everything Sherlock had hoped for.

Disbelief, anger, a hint of something akin to sadness and then… determination.

“What on Earth makes you think that I-- God, Sherlock, I--”

Something in the earnestness of John's entire reaction, in the repulsion he displays at the thought of what Sherlock implied, makes something almost warm settle beneath Sherlock's skin, and the sensation is not unlike that he had experienced when he had looked around the police cars and ambulances outside the school where the cabbie had been shot, only to see a short little man with a deceivingly innocent look stand with his hands in his pocket and survey the crime scene as if he had no idea what had happened.

“You're uncomfortable with the fact that you like hurting me, as this is not something you've ever done or wanted to do before, at least not consciously, and it doesn't fit your mental image of who you are. Trust me, it fits you very well from an outside point of view. You like giving people what they need, and this is what I need. You also have latent dominant tendencies which you have only ever allowed yourself to express, in appropriate ways, during your military career, but which you otherwise try to repress, seeing as you don't want to be ‘that kind of bloke’, especially when it comes to women. I bet a few of your lady friends would have been intrigued, but you'd hated it, because it would have reminded you of your uncle. I, on the other hand, am - and I quote - ‘an arrogant arse’, and am not likely to agree to anything I don't really want, and the ‘arrogant arse’ part does make it all the sweeter, doesn't it? To answer your question; since you're not comfortable with what you want, it's not a very difficult deduction that you find my inclinations to be abnormal just like you find your own interest in the activities to be so.”

It's rattled off as a deduction, and in way, it is one. It's just that it's a carefully worded deduction thrown out as haphazardly as if had been about John's latest flu patient on the clinic.

An act. Method acting, an aquired skill.

Sherlock picks up his phone from his pocket and starts typing. He's typing random Google searches, mostly aiming for effect. In the chair opposite of his, John stares and slowly rubs at the bridge of his nose.

Performing a faked nonchalance that he knows John will see through, displaying something troubling but true beneath, pretending that he is oblivious to John seeing through him. It's a strange act, in which highlighting the truth is the objective rather than obscuring it. And yet.

And yet, it's an act, because it's measured and planned, calculated to make John feel like he's glimpsed something Sherlock had attempted to hide or tried to repress.

In the beginning, Sherlock had been just as inexpert in understanding others' reactions as he still sometimes pretend to be. It has proved useful over and over again, people assuming that he doesn't pick up on such things, and more over, it serves to obscure the fact that he often does, but can't always interpret what he picks up.

“That's not-- Christ, Sherlock.”

John groans, drops his hand from his face and absently massages the - psychosomatic - pain in his thigh.

“Oh, I don't fret about it. Just get over whatever stupid moral objections you have towards subjecting me to pain and degradation and get on with it,” Sherlock says without looking up from his phone.

His random Google searches must have been less random than he thought, given that he's looking at a list of results for ‘non-sexual submission’.

With a sigh, Sherlock opens up a new tab and tries to think about anything case-related to Google.

“What about you?” John says just as the silence begins to settle between them.

Sherlock looks up, searching John's face for any underlying meaning.

“You said I'm better at deducing inclinations than motives for murder, but I'm still not sure about your motive for wanting… this,” John clarifies, his voice measured and calm.

“Oh, that's far less complicated than in your case," Sherlock says, suddenly feeling compelled towards a cheerful honesty.

“Oh?”

“I'm a sensation seeker, you already know that. Pain is sensation. Pain administred by someone else is slightly less predictable sensation. You do the math,” he offers, finding that he doesn't even have to act to get that truth out just as blasé and nonchalant as it feels.

“Sensation seeker?” John echoes. “You really expect me to believe that anything that concerns you is that simple and straightforward?”

“I'm an - sober - addict. I solve crime to get a kick, just like you. My brain rots in absence of stimulation. How much more reason do I need?”

“You could get that stimulation anywhere, and with far more skill and less complications.”

Sherlock takes a breath, reviewing his options.

He could jump straight to the issue; ask John what he thinks that means, but he won't, because there are words he'd prefer not to have any of them voice. He could bite back, pinning this on John needing to feel special and telling him it's only about efficiency, which in part, it is. He could also-- no.

“Don't flatter yourself, John. Being gay is not the same thing as being desperate to be fucked by anything with a penis and a pulse.”

The words seem to have the intended effect; John’s mouth falls open for just a second, and then he shuts it again, clearly deeply uncomfortable.

“I didn't--”

“Good, continue not to make that mistake, then.”

In the silence that settles before John clears his throat and returns to the kitchen, seemingly having forgotten about his sandwich, Sherlock rationalises his own utilisation of John's discomfort with the subject, seeing how it efficiently ended the conversation and additionally might prevent any further inquiries about his own motivations.

For once, there's not much more to it than what Sherlock's already disclosed.

Conditioned, sexual response to certain kinds of pain and a vague and rather objectifying sexual attraction to John's more dominant behaviours notwithstanding, sensation is his main motivation.

It crawls under his skin as he sits there, waiting for whatever crisis John's currently having to settle and for this conversation to - hopefully - tip the scales in his direction.

It's not even the pain he desperately needs, at this point.

Which, in turn, is more than a bit unsettling.

(Earlier parts live on ao3 - and also, @brilliantlyburning wondered about John’s motivations; here’s my - or Sherlock’s? - take on it)

[certificationplannerllc]

Explore the Principles of Agile Manifesto

Agile is a buzzing project management outlook with teams scrambling to adopt agile methods and practices. The requirement for a new project management mindset was generated out of frustration from the growing time lag between the realization of requirements and the delivery of final product/project or software persistent in the waterfall model of project management.

The “tell me everything you require” method of project management started facing a lot of issues. Documentation of the requirements during the inception of the project took ages and by the time the final deliverables were rolled out, there were shifts in the requirements making the final product partially obsolete.

In this article, we will explore the 12 principles of the Agile Manifesto. The Agile Manifesto is a set of directives that enable teams working in varied environments to continuously learn, grow and deliver value to the clients. The principles of Agile welcome changes and make the customer the focus of all endeavors.

Let us dive deep and understand the extensive extract from the Agile principles.

Principle 1

“Our highest priority is to satisfy the customer through early and continuous delivery of valuable software.”

The principle establishes that clients are more satisfied when they get working software at regular intervals compared to when they get a final complete software at the end of the project. This is where Agile pushes the significance of Minimum Viable Products (MVP), a development technique where a product is developed with limited features, enough to satisfy early adopters while the rest of the features are incorporated after the completion of the feedback cycle.

Key Points:

          I.            “Our”

The word “our” refers to the Agile team working on the project and placed the responsibility of customer satisfaction on the project team.

         II.            “Early delivery”

Agile indicates that delivery should be early and in small pieces. This method of delivery greatly shortens the feedback cycle and created room for early detection of requirement shifts. While often neglected, this mode of delivery also helps the team understand the mindset of the client, a factor that plays a significant role in the satisfaction parameter.

       III.            “Continuous delivery”

Keeping a constant line of delivery over a period facilitates constant feedbacks and a better chance of meeting the requirements.

Principle 2

“Welcome changing requirements, even late in development. Agile processes harness change for the customer’s competitive advantage”

The development process, in general, may require tuning from time to time and it is prudent to be open to changes. The principle brings out the true agile mindset and shows that requirements are dynamic and may grow or change. This is also the principle that separates Agile from the Waterfall model.

Key Points:

          I.            “Late”

The word signifies that it is never too late for the customer to make changes. Only when the customer identifies changes can the deliverables attain higher utility. Also, the project team should be open to the required shift as it will avoid partial completion of requirements.

         II.            “Competitive Advantage”

This significantly extends the scope of a project and considers the project team to be responsible for delivering competitiveness to the client in the form of cost, offerings, visibility, etc. It is no longer just the role of the client to decide if the requirements specified are enough to deliver a competitive advantage.

Principle 3

“Deliver working software frequently, from a couple of weeks to a couple of months, with a preference to the shorter timescale”

Agile promotes a shorter development cycle that should occur at consistent intervals. These cycles are called “Sprints”. Frequent delivery generates constant feedback flow from the clients and keeps all the parties engages in the development process.

Key points:

          I.            “Working”

Agile sets the standard for the deliverable absolute by not just emphasizing on delivery but the delivery of working software or product. Deliveries not meeting the required specifications cannot be considered as a successful delivery. With this point Agile aims at giving a boost to value delivery.

         II.            “Shorter timescale”

Delivery on smaller timescale intrinsically helps in the recognition and minimization of waste and their overall effect on the process bringing out the Lean base on which Agile is built.

Principle 4

“Business people and developers must work together daily throughout the project”

The emphasis here is on collaboration. Effective involvement of Business people, project team and the clients helps in swift incorporation of change requirements.

Key points:

          I.            “Business People”

Business people are the proxy between the client and the team and are a crucial part in promoting the agility in communication and execution.

         II.            “Must work together”

This agile principle brings into light the concept of sharing responsibility.

       III.            “Throughout the project”

Commitment plays an important role in the success and the points pay emphasis that only with continued commitment throughout the project can the timely and effective delivery of the project be achieved.

Principle 5

“Build projects around motivated individuals. Give them the environment and support they need, and trust them to get the job done”

The emphasis here is to create a positive and progressive work environment. Experts support the fact that enabling the team is an organizational level priority and a key reason behind the success of any organization.

Key points:

          I.            “Motivated individuals”

Motivated individuals are team members who are greatly enthusiastic and prepared to get the work done. During any project, keeping the employees and team motivated is of great essence and comes with many benefits. Only when an employee is sufficiently motivated will he/she deliver to his/her capacity and may even go beyond his/her responsibility to make the project a success.

         II.            “Give them the environment & support they need”

This answers the million-dollar question “How to keep the team motivated”. Over the years there is a general shift in employee behavior. Now, professionals are more interested in the learnings that they derive from a task than general remittance benefits.

Principle 6

“The most efficient and effective method of conveying information to and within a development team is the face-to-face conversation”

The point lays emphasis on the need for direct communication and a shift from indirect communication channels like emails. Communication plays an important role in any and all business functioning and it was but natural for Agile to push for a need of prompt and clear communication and what could facilitate that better than a face-to-face conversation!

Principle 7

“Working software is the primary measure of progress”

Agile identifies fully functional software or product as the mark of successful delivery. It the deliverables offers partial utility against the requirements, it cannot be considered as successful delivery even though delivery has been made. With this, Agile not only promotes value in the end product but pushes for a very professional and commitment-oriented mindset.

Principle 8

“Agile processes promote sustainable development. The sponsors, developers, and users should be able to maintain a constant pace indefinitely”

This principle brings two points into light: sustainable development and consistency in performance. With the incremental delivery, wastes are eliminated intrinsically supplementing sustainable growth. Agile also supports maintain pace along with supporting agility throughout the project.

Principle 9

“Continuous attention to technical excellence and good design enhances agility”

Agile indicates that shortcuts may bring short term benefits but they may very easily backfire in the long run. With so much emphasis on swift delivery, it is important to note that swift delivery should not come at the cost of quality. For example, poorly programmed software will create problems in the long run in terms of errors and bugs.

Principle 10

“Simplicity — the art of maximizing the amount of work not done — is essential”

Not overworking, but also doing what is necessary is what keeping things simple means, and Agile keeps simplicity as the core of all the endeavors.

Principle 11

“The best architectures, requirements, and designs emerge from self-organizing teams”

Agile promotes the practice of decision making by the team. This greatly removes the infamous ‘micro-managing’. Agile establishes that the best results are achieved when the team is skilled motivated, poses decision-making skills and can take ownership. This principle perfectly supplements the need for creating a progressive environment for the employees proposed in principle 5.

Principle 12

“At regular intervals, the team reflects on how to become more effective, then tunes and adjusts its behavior accordingly”

Having Lean as its base another major derivative from lean principles is the concept of continual improvement. However, as Agile gives people more important than process, it proposes the continual improvement for the team. Not that it doesn’t support continual improvement in process, it extends the principle and gives the development of team members priority as well.

With the complexity possessed by business structures and the growing element of fickleness in business requirements, Agile is a good fit for everyone working in the project management spectrum. While Agile does not provide a recipe for project success, it prepares the team to promote optimal value. It will not be wrong to suggest that the time is ripe to invest in Agile learning and there are multiple ways you can start your agile learning journey. If you are a professional working in agile project management and want to validate your experience or initiate your learning, Agile certifications can be a good solution.

Certification Planner runs multiple PMI-ACP certifications across North America. A certification credential governed by PMI and considered as the most prominent credential in agile project management. Learn from industry experts during extensive training sessions. Reach out to know more at support@certificationplanner.com, call at +1 8553221201 or visit the website at www.certificationplanner.com.

Happy learning!  

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Outside

A lyric essay, this time, on the theme of loneliness

There’s something painfully beautiful about the edge of a party.  The shining light behind me, contrasting with a darkened wood or shaded houses.  Or the brilliant lights of the city, turning the clouds above shades of orange.  Ideally, it should be slightly cold outside, just enough to start a hollow chill in my bones without causing true discomfort.  The music is faint in the background, accompanied by the low murmur of people shouting and laughing.  And I, on the outside, looking in.  The ironic beauty comes in how perfect it is as an encapsulation of my world.

I have trouble remembering, matching names and faces.  People talk to me, and I don’t recognize them.  I want to call to someone in the hallway, but can’t remember their name.     My friends talk of classmates, and I can’t remember them.  I ask one about his Biology class, only to discover he shares mine.  I ask another about what they thought of calculus today, only to find they have another class.  I still don’t know the names of half the senior class.  It’s difficult to make friends when I don’t know who people are.  I’ve recently resorted to making flashcards of the members of the [Prep School] senior class, but I’ve still found learning them much more difficult than the Spanish vocabulary they’re mixed among.  is my difficulty with names the result of some strange mental problem, some kind of error in the face-processing area of the brain, some kind of “faceblindness”.  Or is it  merely that I don’t talk to others, think of others enough for the associations to sink in?  

I spend a lot of time reading blogs on the internet.  Philosophy, math, politics, history, literary criticism, mixed in with more than enough self-reflection, talking about one’s own problems.  I follow some obsessively, and other not much.  And yet, I rarely post at all, or “talk” to those I watch so intimately.  is this some kind of cargo-cult mimicry of closeness, these one-way relationships?

One of my happiest moments over the past year occurred during the weekend of the robotics team’s last competition.  During our last class, we found that we still couldn’t get the robot to reliably do what we wanted it to, and thus resolved to meet again during fifth period and work until we were done.  Only two others showed up, a freshman I’d worked closely with over the course of the year, and our team’s programmer, a fellow senior.  For three or four hours straight, we all worked together, trying different strategies to get the robot’s lift to work.  It was an intoxicating experience, working with people that I got along with, towards the goal that we’d been fighting for the whole year, for an extended period of time.  We worked, figuring out what was going wrong and trying different things, but also made jokes and talked about what was going on in our lives.  We adjourned for the big basketball game that was going on that evening, but returned Saturday morning, almost getting the robot to a functioning status.  On the day of the competition, the team managed to get the lift working by the third game. We still lost the competition, but the experience of really being part of a team is something that sticks with me.

I find social interaction easiest when there’s some kind of common goal driving the experience, like working on a project or playing a game together.  If I’m just sitting at the lunch table with people, I often run out of things to say, or can’t come up with anything fast enough to fit any gaps in conversation.  It’s all too easy to just fall into the background and listen, as if I were watching characters talking in a TV show.  But if there’s something we are actively doing together, that generates new things to talk about.  

Contrary to the stereotypes of social awkwardness, I find it quite easy to talk to new people, as there’s always the formulaic “what’s your name, where are you from, where do you go to school” stuff to talk about.  It’s the acquaintances that I have trouble talking with.  The ones that I know well enough that the standard conversation topics have long since been mined dry, that there’s no big news to talk about, leaving me hammering hopelessly against the bedrock of lack of shared experience and interests.

Family members and classmates alike compliment me on my studiousness, but that isn’t the real reason I spend so much time on schoolwork.  The real reason I appear to spend so much time on homework is because I procrastinate.  What was supposed to be homework that could be done in an hour multiplies into two, because I waste time chasing after random thoughts on the internet, avoiding doing my work.  The stuff I do while procrastinating is just little, silly stuff, looking up random articles, or reviews of stuff I’ve already read, or looking at threads about shows I follow or games that I’m playing, or low-quality blogs.  It’s stuff where I can say, “I can go back to working at any time I want,” even though I usually don’t.  I read summaries of books, instead of the real things, because books don’t have those quick natural stopping points.  And with all that time being spent procrastinating, I have that much less time to actually meet up with and hang out with friends and family.  

Isolation has a way of building upon itself.  In middle school, I spent the first year so focused on adapting to a very new school environment and workload that I didn’t have time to make friends.  Then, later, I found that it was difficult to make friends, when the groups of friends had already been cemented during the first year, and I didn’t know the names of most of the kids in my class.  I didn’t know what to talk to people about, how to try and fit into a group.  And, now deprived of that normal social growth, it became even more difficult to fit in.  I was almost completely isolated all through middle school. And so, I arrived in the social world of high school without having learned the usual social skills of middle school, like a child sent into a reading class without having learned phonetics.  I would sit down at a lunch table, and sit there in silence watching conversation and friendship go past me.  How do people “hang out on the weekend”?  I had, and have, no clue.  

So, how can the cycle of isolation be broken?  If I knew, I would have done it by now.  But I do have a few guesses.  I think the biggest thing is to find an activity that I like to do with other people, that will make it easier to be with people.  Maybe I could find some game that I like to play with people.  I should join clubs and attend consistently, to have that constant contact with a small group of the same people, unified by some common interest.  Maybe I should get involved in some social cause, maybe a tutoring organization, and meet people through that.  Or join a team, working together to complete a goal.  I think the biggest thing is just to force myself to go out there.  Instead of staying home all weekend, I need to try and talk to people, to meet up with people.   Part of it may just be time.  While in college, I’ll be living in a dorm in close contact with fellow intellectually active students.  It will be much easier to run into people, and to meet up with people.  There will be more people, so it’s more likely to find people who are interested in similar things.  So, maybe, the future doesn’t look quite so grim.  But, then again, it’s all hypothetical.