#is it normal to simply not be able to perceive something happening right in front of you if you’re not interested in it

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

me trying to watch the rings of power: I can pay attention I can pay attention I CAN PAY ATTENTION I AM PAYING ATTENTION I AM oh god i have no idea what’s going on even though I’ve been staring at the tv this entire time

[tickldpnk8]

Song of Orpheus Recap

Man, Song of Orpheus is hard. I started this post on July 6th. Three months ago!! It's a tragedy within a tragedy, I got emotional, and then put this book in the metaphorical freezer for a bit.

But it's also jam-packed with revelations and foreshadowing. It's a super-long issue (arc?) and I'll be covering it all in one go. So without further ado, I'll get into it.

On Orpheus’ nature

So it kicks off with a bit of foreshadowing in the form of a prophetic dream. So prophetic dreaming isn't something that started just when he became an oracle. Orpheus also seems to have no power over his dream, but once he becomes lucid enough, he is able to see his father and then visit him in the Dreaming. It's also interesting to me that he doesn't seem to be able to interpret his dream: asking Morpheus what it all meant. (And getting the brush off from his dad in the process.) Morpheus implies that he might actually know what the dream means, but won't tell his son because he is his son. (side note: this interaction totally reminded me of friends in high school who had parents who taught at our school)

Orpheus is also able to open a portal to the Dreaming with just his voice and lyre. I found this super interesting: combined with what we saw a few issues back in France, he seems to have some sort of power that manifests through song. Whether this is something his father grants him to get "home" easier or whether it's just how powerful of a musician he is, is not stated. I think it lends credence to Orpheus having some sort of demi-god-like musical power though in addition to prophetic dreams. Seems a perfect balance of traits to inherit from both of his parents.

On grief:

This is a repeating refrain throughout this issue: People die, you grieve and you move on. Aristeas expresses this sentiment in the opening pages of Chapter 1.

And Morpheus repeats the same sentiment to Orpheus in Chapter 2 after Euridice dies. As I was writing this section of this post, we were having a conversation on Grief and how it relates to Morpheus' own character. The linked thread is a slight tangent, but I do feel like this refrain just continues to echo throughout the series and between the characters.

On the Endless:

We also learn a ton about Morpheus' siblings in this issue. Especially as they are all introduced to Euridice. For example:

Apparently, Delirium almost got married at one point. I don't see this panel talked about a lot during discussions of her character. And I have to wonder, is this why Del changed? Is it why Delight was sad as @onehundredandeleventropicalfish pointed out that subtle lettering detail from Overture? She's always pictured so young as Delight that I can't really picture her marrying at that stage...and yet...

Meanwhile, we are finally introduced to the missing Endless: And I love that when we finally get a name, it's in Greek and his face is covered. Ha! Way to draw out the mystery a bit more. I love that he refers to Orpheus as his favorite nephew...but it begs the question how many nephews does he have??

But also what just happened here? Did Destruction simply open a portal to his sister’s house? Or did he literally kill Orpheus to grant him the audience he sought??

This panel never ceases to get me in the feels: how the family portrait is bisected by the gutter space right where Death should be. But this section of the story also makes me wonder how Death experiences Time...she decorates her apartment in a very modern way with things that haven't been invented yet...are they leftovers from a pre-Overture existence? Does time not pass linearly for her? Or do the Endless simply know what is coming and exist outside of time when they don't want to?

Whatever the case may be, Orpheus isn't able to adjust. So he's a normal human on that front, and we would likewise have a hard time perceiving their realms.

On Morpheus

Here we get that famous line that Morpheus doesn't dance. Not even with his wife and not even at his son's wedding. But also wtf is he wearing and what is that pinned to??

On Morpheus and Relationships

Here we have a conversation between Orpheus and his mother about Morpheus. And it's a bit heartbreaking because you can see how Morpheus is too rigid in his ways/thinking to keep relationships going: Orpheus alleges that his father won't forget or forgive a slight. While Calliope states that Morpheus doesn't really share any part of himself and isn't willing or perhaps able to change. So here we have Morpheus' fatal flaws spelled out for the Reader in this flashback issue.

And the sad thing for me is that by this point of the story, we're seeing that Morpheus is already changing. But the more frustrating point in this panel is that we can see how Orpheus is a chip off the old block...Orpheus is the one who renounced his father, yet it's not apparent that he's tried to reach out and make amends. argh

Yet after Orpheus' death, I do think Morpheus takes things too far as a parent (especially for us modern folks). I'm still hoping to write a meta on him and parenthood, but want to get through Brief Lives before I do. Orpheus asks for his help to die, but Morpheus states that Orpheus' life is his own...and his death too. Effectively upholding the disownment that Orpheus kicked off by stating he was "no longer [his] son" before seeking out his aunt. Morpheus was never going to be the first one to crack on this: he's too by the rules. And the rules state that his son has renounced him.

On Foreshadowing:

It’s also here that we get the first hint about the Thessalian witches...and Thessaly, who will do basically what it says: mutilate a man's face and pull down the moon in the next arc.

And then there's this... Orpheus is the one who has made the Furies cry. Orpheus is the one they will never forgive. And that comes true within this arc with his death at the hands of the Baccanae. But is it concluded? I also just can't help thinking that the son from the union they didn't approve of will give them the means to take revenge upon his father.

[pxnsneverland]

Beauty and the Boss I austin!elvis x oc (part 1)

plot summary: Laura Jean Walker is the daughter to Louisiana's most powerful mafia boss, but to her, he's just her jail warden. When she sneaks out to the Louisiana Hayride with her friend she sees Elvis Presley perform and instantly knows something is special about this boy. Especially when he saves her from being assaulted by a townie. She thinks she's on cloud 9 until she gets kidnapped in the middle of the night by the Memphis Mafia led by Elvis himself. Will Laura Jean try to free herself or will something hold her back from finding her way home?

pairings: austin!elvis x oc

word count: 3477

warnings/notes: violence, blood, fighting

 Chapter 1

 “Where are you goin’?!” my daddy yelled after me as I moved with my bag and my sweater towards the front door. I didn't have time to hear my father's outraged words about my disobedience because I was already running late to meet up with my friend.  He would have rather that I had always remained indoors and isolated from the outside world. He would claim that it is for my security. I believe he is attempting to use me to protect what he long since lost.

              Even though he was just behind me, I yelled out, “With my friends! The Louisiana Hayride is still in town and I wanna go.”

              “You didn’t permission to no where, little girl! You know how I feel about you going out alone!”

              “I am 17 years old, Daddy! You can’t keep sending one of your men to babysit me anymore!”

              “Laura Jean Walker, you stop right there or I swear to God---”

              “What?” I turned to face him while keeping one hand on the front doorknob. “You’ll do what, Daddy?! Lock me up? Punish me like you do everyone who disobeys you? You might have been able to convince me I owed you somethin’ when I was a little girl, but I don’t. Because I don’t work for you.” I walked out, slamming the door behind me after opening it. I had the distinct impression that he would pursue me and push me back inside. But in all honesty, I was sure he wouldn't. Later, I'd have a rude awakening and might even get grounded, but I wouldn't pay attention to that anyway.

              This wasn't always the case. Me, Mama, and Daddy used to be a happy family. The Louisiana Mafia, the most powerful mafia organization in the entire state of Louisiana and possibly the entire country, was led by Daddy. He was involved in a significant amount of Louisiana's building and land development. Daddy could handle any off-the-record task that any of these companies' top executives required in a stealthy and competent manner. His rivals dreaded him, and those who shared a bed with him knew better than to disobey him. I basically grew up as a princess as a result of this. I had everything I needed. I paid for nothing. I had the best teachers to teach me. I wore the priciest outfits. My father gave me the royal treatment. I had no idea what was always going on in Daddy's office while the doors were closed. Not up until that day.

              My parents had been traveling across the countryside as they normally did on Sunday mornings when I was 12 years old. Due to the fact that Mama enjoyed having the wind rip through her golden hair, Daddy recently purchased a topless vehicle. She may have simply perceived the wind as an old friend because she had always been as happy and brilliant as the sun. As they made their stop at the gas station, they were on their way back home. The only car that entered the parking lot was theirs. Others have told me that it happened so swiftly that only The Flash could have responded to it. A different car drew up and fired some shots at the car. They arrived, pulled up, and left as swiftly as they turned up. Mom wasn't as fortunate while merely seated in the passenger seat, but Daddy managed to escape with a bullet in his shoulder. Daddy was all business after that. He stopped talking to me and stopped taking me places. One of his men was always keeping an eye on me if I had to walk outside. Now, I learned everything inside. I was confined to my home for years, missing my mother, and I blamed my father for taking her away. That is, up until I started breaking his rules and daring him to take action. Yet we just were fighting.

              The hayride wasn't far from the farm my daddy owned, so I walked there, guiding myself by the dazzling lights of the carnival illuminating the sky. By the time I arrived, it had already become crowded. Lights, laughter, and people were all things I craved after being locked in my tower.  I took a few steps around the carnival side of the front entrance till I saw my friend Anne waiting for me by one of the cotton candy machines. I dashed over to her and gave her a bear embrace.

              “I thought you weren’t ever comin’,” she said in her sweet high pitched country twang.

              “My daddy was fussin’ again. I swear he thinks I’m a China doll he can just keep on the shelf to stare at.”

              “So, you snuck out…again?”

              “I did not sneak out. I just walked out the front door. I’m a grown woman now, Anne. I don’t have to ask for Daddy’s permission to go everywhere.”

              “Now, Laura Jean, you know you’re different. Your daddy is---”

              “Not the boss of me.” Anne was the daughter of one of Daddy's employees. We'd known each other for most of our lives, and she was well aware of how deadly my father was. Regardless, we became best friends. “Now, quite your grippin’ at me. Let’s go have some fun.”

              Anne took a long breath and decided it wasn't worth debating with me, for which I was grateful. I didn't want to think about Daddy as I was attempting to get away from him. We wandered around the carnival for a time, collecting popcorn and hot dogs and failing badly at a few games. Finally, we came upon this tent with people sitting on seats and bleachers inside. HANK SNOW! said the sign outside. Starring Elvis Presley, the radio's newest hit. I came to a halt, bringing Anne with me. “Let’s go in here.”

              We shuffled through the crowd, eventually squeezing into the front row on a bench near the microphone. “This looks excitin’,” I said with a smiled.

She looked about uncomfortably at the other teenage girls who had gathered around us. “I don’t know if we should be here, Laura Jean.” She was muttering as though someone was recording her presence in the seats. “I know about Elvis Presley. I heard his song on the radio with my daddy. He said his singin’ is sinful race music. Usin’ negro rhythms and such.”

“Really?” I know she wanted to discourage me from watching the show, but all her words did was pique my interest.

The stage lights came on a few moments later, and the announcer welcomed us to the Louisiana Hayride. He performed his own routine before welcoming Hank Snow and his band to the stage. They sang original country music, which I must say was rather good. I couldn't help but clap. Singing and piano were the only classes I didn't regret having as a child. For a few hours each day, music had been my happy place. I felt connected to it, as if if I didn't have a voice to talk with, I could at least sing and be heard that way. Mama used to compare me to a bird in a gold cage.

Hank Snow had finished, and the announcer had taken his place on stage. “He’s a young singer from Memphis, Tennessee. Got a song out on the Sun Label. It’s all over the radio. Give him a warm Hayride welcome to a Mr. Elvis Presley!”

Applause erupted once more, and the oddest and craziest looking boy went onto the stage. He held a guitar in his hand. His body was decked up in a pink outfit that I'd only seen individuals in negro clubs wear. He had a lovely face and blue eyes the color of a Louisiana summer day, which were outlined with eyeliner. His dark hair was long and slicked back, with the exception of a whisp of curl that hung on his brow. He appeared to be about to choke on his own breath, as if there were too many people around him and the stage lighting was too bright.

“Elvis how are you this evening?” the announcer asked.

“Just fine. How are you sir?” Through the microphone, his voice was rough and smooth, like brushing your hand across crushed velvet. He spoke with a heavy southern drawl.

“You all geared up with your band there to let us hear your songs?”

“I’m all geared up. But, uh, I’d like to say how happy we are to be down here. It’s a real honor for us to be…Get a chance to appear on the Louisiana Hayride. We’re gonna do a song for you we got out on Sun Records. Uh…” He turned to the announcer. “You got anythin’ else to say, sir?”

“No. I’m ready.”

Elvis exhaled nervously through his mouth. I could see his hand shaking as it lingered over the strings of his guitar from where I was standing. His breath was trembling as he peered out at the packed audience.

“It goes…It goes somethin’ like this,” he finally choked out. He began to sing timidly, the microphone feedback ringing around the room. One of his legs began to quiver, as if he was trying to shake off his anxieties during the performance rather than before.

“Get a haircut fairy!” came a voice from behind me. The audience laughed. I shifted my gaze to a clean-cut blonde lad with excessive acne and crooked teeth.

“Shut it! And let him sing.” While whispering, I poured as much hate into my remarks as I could. The boy merely smiled coyly at me, eyeing me up and down like a dinner plate. I swung around, disgusted, to stare at Elvis, who had ceased his song, sweat streaming down his face. And then, with a single dragged-out note, he transformed into a whole other person. It was as if he had gotten all the confidence in the world just by acting as if it were the only thing he was intended to do. He moved his legs and hips in mesmerizing motions more scandalous than I had ever been permitted to witness. Screams began to emerge from the seats, but not panic screams. These were cries of delight emanating from girls my age, who were approaching the stage like zombies ravenous for a meal. They were all around us now, and Anne and I had no choice but to stand or be knocked over and trampled by shouting girls. We were pushed all the way to the front of the most raucous crowd I'd ever heard. My chest was forced into the stage, trapping me between the girls and the boy they were attempting to reach. When I looked to my left, Anne was gone, swept away into the swarm without me. I looked up to see Elvis dancing and swaying to the beat of the song. The girls went even wilder. Those that could reach clutched at his garments, removing his jacket rather than clawing him to bits. Elvis dropped to his knees and sang into the microphone, his guitar having been left somewhere during the music break. In the midst of a crowd, his gaze fell on mine and lingered. With a half-smile on his face, he was singing directly to me. I wasn't yelling or grasping for a piece of him; I was just standing there listening to the music and watching the performance. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I was diving further into the tide pools, enthralled in those eyes. Because he didn't look away, I scarcely noticed when he stopped singing. His chest was heaving up and down swiftly, and sweat was streaming down his face and neck. He had the appearance of a superhero fresh from battle. The curtain closed behind him, but he remained motionless. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him. Hands from behind the curtain grabbed his shoulders and yanked him away. Even so, he didn't stop staring at me until the ruffled curtains were completely closed and we were both out of each other's sight.

I snapped out of the hypnosis I had been in as he left. He was captivating, everything and nothing at the same time. The crowd was starting to thin, so I decided to go find Anne, whom I hadn't seen since we were pushed up in the crowd. I walked out of the tent and waited for it to empty, but I didn't see her come out. This was perfect. What could have happened to her? I went away from the performance tent, peering in the gaps between the game and food tents in case she had been waiting for me there. I was looking in a particularly dim spot near the carousel and behind a massive sign when I heard a familiar voice ask, “So, did you enjoy hearing that fairy sing after all?”

I spun around. It was the boy who had been sitting behind me and heckling Elvis when he came on stage. He was taller than he was sitting, but not any more handsome. I stood firm, as if he hadn't just startled me. “Actually, I did. No thanks to you and your bad manners.”

He took a step closer to me. I tried to back up, but his legs were longer than mine, so he was able to bridge the gap between us. “What’s a pretty little doll like you doing wasting your time with sissy boys like that?”

“And I should be wastin’ my time with a boy like you who corners girls in the dark?”

“Come on now, doll. I know you got a little fire in you from the way you talked back to me.” He drew my skirt closer to him, and I pressed against his chest. “You like to have a little fun, don’t cha?”

His hot breath enveloped my cheeks, and no matter how hard I tried, he was stronger than me. When I struggled, he placed his arm around my waist, trapping me in place. He attempted to kiss me, but I was able to release one of my hands and slap him across the face. His head twitched, but it wasn't enough to get him to let go of me. “Get off me, you bastard!”

A scratch mark had formed on the side of his cheek, and he was no longer amused by my attempts to reject him. He appeared agitated. “You’re gonna pay for that, you bitch!”

He grabbed my hair and yanked it out of its ponytail. I whimpered as he seized a fistful in his palm and a new pair of footsteps joined us. I was able to release myself after the boy loosened his grip in attempt to see who was interrupting his assualt. I turned around to see who my mysterious savior had been. Elvis. He was dressed in the same pink slacks and lace top he had worn on stage, but he was no longer charming. He appeared to have fire in his eyes.

“Is that how you treat a lady?” he asked the boy.

The boy smirked completely, utterly unafraid. “Back off, Nancy boy. This ain’t got nothin’ to do with you.”

“It does because…you see, my mama taught me how to treat a lady. And that means when she says, ‘get away’ you get.”

The boy was now face to face with Elvis. “Last chance. Mind your own business or I’ll mind it for ya.”

Elvis chuckled. “You wanna try that with me, boy? Because you’ll regret it if you don’t walk away.”

The boy did not back down. Elvis punched him in the right face and then in the stomach. Elvis' knee landed directly in the boy's face before he could even recover. Elvis went down with the boy when he slumped over onto his back. Elvis reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocketknife, which clicked open with a flash. He snatched the boy's hair and pushed the knife against his neck. He had such a hard hold on him that he couldn't move without slicing his own throat. “Now, apologize to the little lady,” he hissed.

The boy now appeared absolutely afraid, to the point that I believed he was going to pass out. “I-I’m sorry. A-And I’m sorry f-for callin’ you a fairy.”

Elvis pressed the knife into the boy's throat, causing a thin line of blood to form. “Please! It’s alright, I’m fine. Just let him go. He was bein’ stupid.”

He cast a glimpse over his shoulder at me, and I was frozen in that deep gaze for a split second before he returned to the boy he had still placed flat on his back. “If you ever cross me again, she won’t be here to stop me.” He pushed the boy's head into the dirt before standing up and placing his knife back into his pocket. The boy jumped to his feet and dashed through the crowd as quickly as he could.

It was now just me and Elvis. As he approached me, he dusted the dirt from his hands. I had picked up my dropped bag and was crushing it against my chest. The angry and protective man I had just witnessed was replaced by the shy boy I had just witnessed on stage. “You sure you’re alright, darlin’?”

“I’m fine. He was just some ill-mannered country boy.”

Elvis chuckled as he took a breath. He smiled at me again, a warm and deadly combination. “You’re not scared of me?”

I raised a brow. “Why should I be?”

“Any other girl wound seein’ me pull a knife out on somebody.” My back was pressed against the wood of the sign we were behind. He leaned against it and placed one hand by my head.

“I’ve been around people much more dangerous than you my whole life. It’s not the first time I’ve seen weapons drawn.”

This piqued his interest. I had the impression he wanted to say more on the matter, but thought it was better if he didn't. “You were in the front row of my performance,” he said instead.

I appreciated the shift in topics. “I was. You did really well. All those girls liked it.”

“Did you like it?” He appeared genuinely concerned about my response.

I gave him a small smile. “I did. You were amazing. Though it did get a little out of hand back there.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I didn’t mean for that to happen. This was my first time performin’ and I didn’t really know what to do.”

“Really? You could have fooled me. You looked like you knew exactly what to do up there.”

“Now you’re just butterin’ me up.”

“I’m serious, Elvis. You were magic.” And I really meant it. I'd never been more sincere about anything in my life.

Elvis's grin broadened. He was so attractive, yet so quiet and gentle, with a tinge of mystery that I wanted to unravel. I'd never met a boy like him before. I wasn't sure if I'd ever do it again. He leaned in closer to me, and I thought for a split second that he was going to kiss me right there. Instead, he asked, “What’s your name?”

For a second, I had completely forgotten what my name was. “Its—”

“Laura Jean!” Anne sprinted over to me. Elvis retreated while keeping a safe distance as she gave me a firm hug. “Oh my stars, where have you been? I lost you in the crowd and I’ve been lookin’ all over for you ever since.”

“I was lookin’ for you. And I got…sidetracked.” I cast a glance across at Elvis. Anne turned her head, as if she hadn't realized he was there. I swallowed and cleared my throat. “Anne, this is Elvis. Elvis, this is my friend, Anne.”

Elvis tipped his head at her. “Mighty nice to meet ya.”

Anne locked her gaze on him for a few moments, her whole body tight and her eyes wide. She appeared to have come across a ghost rather than the performer we had just seen. She grabbed my arm. “We should go. It’s gettin’ late and my parents will be worried. Your daddy too.”

I scowled, knowing she was only trying to get out of this mess. Still, she was correct. Her parents would freak out if she didn't come home soon. I didn't care what my father said about my still being out. “Fine. We can go. Goodbye, Elvis.”

              Anne drew me away till another hand grabbed my free arm. Elvis frowned at me. “See you later, Laura Jean.” And with another of those mysterious smiles, he softly let go of my arm, and I faded into the crowd with Anne as he watched me leave.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2! Click HERE to view!

[pharrell-the-formation]

Let me be clear: I love Emma Hazer with a tender love, but not exactly for who she is, but for who she could be.

I kind of wish to rewrite her and my solution is surprisingly simple: remove her “easy accessibility” as a woman and focus on something else. Hazer is a single mother, taking care of two boys, whose existence is hidden due to a directive prohibiting mothers of many children from working, after losing her husband at the front. The only other relative she has is her mother, who isn’t really emotionally supportive (this is information from the game, I’ll dance from it from now on). She loves her children with all her heart and wants to provide them with a good life and therefore makes workaholism a priority in her life - after all, more work, more money and authority, right? For the same reason, she is applying for a promotion and is one of the three competitors for the protagonist on the first floor. However, even so, she understands that it is hard for her and she is suffering from the stress. This leads the woman to find another goal for herself - to find a spouse who could help her and her family survive in their debt-ridden society. Fortunately, she is pretty, but right there also lies the problem - in her beauty and desperate desire to find a young man, people see a lady of the evening so to speak. Hazer is disgusted by this and most likely the topic of sexual relations kind of repulses her now, because it reminds her that she is perceived as an object. She can be a living demonstration of the destructive influence of the State’s sexism and stereotypes on a person, while still being the chatty lady, who loves to discuss TV series and claims to have a good intuition.

The scene where she and Evan are having fun in the back room can happen provided that the recently met Redgrave pulls her leg for some time, talking about love, deep feelings and lies to her about being single, so that the truth for Emma is revealed later. Most likely, after this story, you won’t be able to build a normal friendship with the character, because choices should have consequences.

There is no quest where she hands over her children to an orphanage, because that would completely go against her character.

She does not call Ferguson the ideal man in the dialogue. Just shows her respect for him and that she thinks good of him.

The "big joke" could still happen, but it has an even darker context, as Evan's only methods of persuading Emma to help them would be to commit blackmail, in that way or the other. After what happened, she deeply regrets what she did, and when the next day Peter does the unspeakable she probably blames herself.

As for her story with Peter Dong.. mm, I suppoooose we as players should consider their relationship as a kind of “endgame”, and Dong as a man actually suitable for her, whom she simply has not yet seen, so I guess I would probably try to make their connection more genuine, if that’s the case. Peter’s love is built not only on his colleague’s appearance, but also on some of her qualities. Let’s say he saw and appreciated how hard she worked, or one of the few noticed how sad she’s been looked recently. Let’s say that when they start dating, Emma doesn’t limit herself to “I hope everything works out for us” in the dialogue, she probably also says something about how she didn’t think that Peter would be such a sweetheart, she is surprised how she wasn’t noticing him before. This, as a bare minimum.

It seems that these are all the changes that I would like to see, maybe if I remember something else I’ll add.

Bonus headcanon for those who read to the end: Emma was the best informant on the floor before Evan came into the game, it’s not for nothing that she hangs around that office phone so often.

[canis-or-cannotis-lycaon]

TIMING: Late August LOCATION: The Pines PARTIES: Gael (@lithium-argon-wo-l-f and Mateo (@fearhims3lf SUMMARY: One of the nights preceding the Blue Moon, a restless Gael stumbles into Mateo when a yeth hound finds both of them CONTENT WARNINGS: None!

Night time with a full stomach and no job on the docket was the worst. Bars were getting boring, and there was no way making a phone call to a family member was an option. Eleven at night was simply too late, and Mateo knew how dramatic his mother was. She was likely to think a disaster happened, and convincing her otherwise was way too taxing.

So, instead, Mateo, opted to jump around Wicked’s Rest until he found a suitable patch of grass to lay in. He settled in, arms behind his head, and sighed. The night was calm and welcomed its child of darkness happily. Only thing, Mateo was only one of many, and there was one lurking about. The mare shot up at the snap of a twig, watching the treeline carefully and ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

—

This whole ‘having a surplus of energy’ thing was getting old fast. Gael wasn’t even, like, anxious. He was just full of energy that seemed to come and go in pulses. He’d developed the quick habit of taking walks during the evenings now, going for a jog, trying not to stick his head into the nearest trash can or follow some unfamiliar scent… which was what he was doing now. Under a few different impressions and with the nagging feeling that he really should’ve tried to do something about it, Gael was literally following his nose. Whatever it was smelled dead but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to tell the difference between a dead squirrel or a bird. He wasn’t sure how far he got when the smell seemed to turn from decay into… decidedly not that, instead smelling like something from a store. Shampoo or body wash or something, obviously, though he couldn’t decipher what it was. Clumsily, he stepped out from the treeline where he saw what appeared to be a man sitting up and looking right at him. “Oh!” Gael called. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was out here,” He added quickly as he held his hands up to indicate that he meant no harm.

—

Oh. Just…a guy? He was cute enough, but maybe a little too sweet for the mare’s liking. Although, the fact that he was out and about at night in a place like Wicked’s Rest, did raise a few alarms. No normal person would do such a thing. Not unless they felt perfectly capable and comfortable taking on whatever decided to lurk in the darkness. Mateo narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the man, his train of thought spiraling toward the idea of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. One could never be too careful, he thought. Especially when he had to worry about things like hunters.

“Oye,” Mateo began, sizing up the stranger behind his sunglasses, “What’re doing out here anyway? Got a death wish or you can handle yourself out here?” He figured being forward was a good strategy. All cards on the table, so to speak. If he gave away that he knew about the darker side of Wicked’s Rest, then maybe, just maybe, the man would give something away too. Next step would be the eyes. Glowing red orbs always seemed to startle even the biggest dude. “And look, I know it probably looks just as weird if I’m out here too, but I asked first.” Ever the petulant man when it came to arguments and games. “So, by the rules, you gotta answer fir—” Snap! Growl! “Ah, shit…” Mateo hissed, looking around to see what trouble the man in front of him was getting him into. Was this an ambush? It was hard to tell, but given that the monstrosity that began to prowl looked at both men with intent, Mateo was inclined to believe they were both in danger. Still, he had to joke. “So, uh…is that your dog? He’s kinda…ugly.”

—

Gael’s gaze was met with one he guessed to be suspicion, which was understandable given the environment and how he had just tumbled out of the treeline - it seemed like the perfect introduction between a protagonist and the perceived evil from a Stephen King novel. “What? I was just taking a walk.” He replied, pointing over his shoulder as though the forest would back him up on that claim. Even as he answered though, he could feel his head shaking slightly as though to deny any unspoken allegations that the stranger could’ve thought at him. Granted, the stranger sure seemed more capable of taking care of himself going by what he was wearing; the last person who dressed similarly was Owen and Gael knew he was a fighter. His ears picked up the stranger’s accent first and despite having demands hurled at him, he couldn’t keep himself from tilting his head. “Oh, would you prefer–” His own question was cut short, however, when a different sound cut through his thoughts and he turned his head sharply in the direction of what sounded like growling. There was an animal there? How had Gael not heard it before? Hastily, he stepped out from the tree line where his dark eyes picked up– “Nope. Nope that’s not mine I don’t own a dog and if I did it wouldn’t be THAT one.” He took a step back, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as the two men were abruptly confronted with the terrifying visage of a large dog with what appeared to be an exposed skull of a head and several tentacles sprouting from its back, twitching and furling in the dead air absently. “...Yours?” The shudder was evident in his tone but he didn’t want to seem like a complete coward in front of this stranger.

—

“Yeah, whatever.” Mateo rolled his eyes dramatically, wishing he could be alone once more. Now there were two visitors and any hopes for a calm night with his trusty headphones fled away. He blew air between his lips, annoyance escaping him petulantly. The icing on the cake were the arms he crossed, expression devoid of any amusement. 

Of course the dog wasn’t his, why the hell would he ask if it was the stranger’s in the first place then? “No, fool. You dumb or something?” He barked out, ignoring the stupid dog trying to taunt them into a corner. Mateo tutted to himself. He had created far worse monstrosities. Whatever the monster was, the mare wasn’t fazed, but it wasn’t like he was a charitable guy. This was the second stranger within a month to lead a damn creature to him while he was minding his business, and for that, Mateo wanted a little revenge. A little trick!  “I think that thing is yours now, though.” A smile formed on his lips, and he stood up, brushing away any residual dirt and grass so it wouldn’t get into his apartment. “I’d name him Cujo or something.” Mateo patted the man’s shoulder, feigning friendship just before he blinked away into nothingness. He landed in his apartment, laughing to himself. The picture of the random dude thinking he was abandoned while fearing for his life was always a good prank. It almost made Mateo want people to keep leading monsters to him, only to disappear and return with a strategy and a few weapons. He’d wait a few beats before he made his return. That made for maximum funniness, always.

—

He could’ve been dumb. Considering what town he found himself in and all the strange characters that surrounded him now, Gael might’ve been the dumbest person in town. And he certainly felt dumb as he kept his wide, dark eyes on the growling, hissing beast as the tentacles slithered around it, snaking through the air and creating a slimy noise that he really wished he weren’t hearing, especially at that moment. Gael was so focused on the large creature that when he felt the stranger’s hand on his shoulder, all but missing what the man had actually said, he visibly jumped with a sharp inhale. From what he could gather, filtered through the fear that he tried to smother in his mind, the stranger didn’t really take much seriously and what was more, he didn’t seem to be afraid at all. The professor, wanting to use the other man as something of an anchor of solidarity that he wasn’t alone, started to turn to regard the other man when suddenly the weight of the hand on his shoulder disappeared. The man stumbled, clearly not expecting that and the look on his sunken face could only be described as ‘completely confused and definitely not at all afraid’. “Okay!” Gael attempted to recover himself, breathing deeply. “I was here with a guy and the guy… .phased out of existence and there’s a giant dog with tentacles and an inverted skull.” He spoke quickly, trying to keep his tone even though he couldn’t stop it from rising with emotion. “Okay Gael, think about it for a second.” He gulped, taking another shaky step back as the demonic hound advanced slowly. “You know how this looks and sounds?” He asked himself, apparently thinking that now was a good time to literally talk himself through whatever was happening. “You’ve lost your mind.” He came to the conclusion. “If you just… Okay, so the guy was here and he disappeared. Strange shit’s been happening in town.” As though to confirm it, Gael felt another pulse of energy tear through him. “Including you. This is obviously just… your brain trying to create problems and likely scenarios.” His leg caught on something as he was stepping back and he crashed to the ground unceremoniously. “Oh come ON.” He shouted through pained grunts as he landed on his back, feeling a sharp stab course up his spine where the scar tissue that stretched across his lower spine interacted with whatever he tripped on.

—

Gathering his brand-spanking-new bat from the closet, which was next to a few extra (just in case creature fighting became a habit), Mateo twirled it in his hands, retrieving a random book as well. He hummed to himself, sauntering about his apartment and throwing in a piece of bread into his toaster. After that, he went to his safe and input the code, opening it and retrieving a pistol and grenade. It came in handy last time, didn’t it? Mateo hoped he’d be able to use it again. The toast sprang up and the mare snatched up and held it between his teeth as he blinked back into the space where he left the stranger. He was careful to land himself a few feet away, behind some brush, to coordinate a little better. The man was mumbling to himself, and Mateo had to stifle laughter as he munched on the piece of dry toast. It always paid to have a snack while you watched a show, right? When the guy fell though, that’s when Mateo couldn’t help but laugh, giving away his position. Oops. It was showtime then. “Hate to tell you, chico, but…” He twirled his bat, finishing the last of his toast. “You ain’t lost your mind. Not yet.” Mateo grinned, patting the bat against his newly freed hand. Chuckling again, he walked toward his acquaintance, gait a little too relaxed when there was a dangerous creature nearby. He offered a hand, forcing the guy to get to his feet so the fight could be just slightly more fair. “Name’s Mateo. Use this.” He gave him the book from his vest with a shrug. “Saw John Wick use this to kill once.” —

He wasn’t sure how long he was on the ground, finding himself slightly set back by the stabs of pain that surged up his spine now accompanied the strange energy that he didn’t like going through his system. Part of Gael relinquished himself to the beast, not content at all but somehow accepting that maybe this was how he was going to die, being shredded apart and eaten by a tentacle dog. Of course, while his mind was trying to come to terms with his impending demise, his body still acted on its own accord and he scooted back on the ground, feeling his sweater picking up loose dirt, twigs and dead leaves that lay on the forest floor. Then he heard a laugh coming from behind him and, in his nerves, he threw his head back to look upside down at whoever it was coming up to him. If it was someone else aggressive… he didn’t want to think about if it was someone else aggressive; he could already feel his fingers extending uncomfortably, trembling slightly as they felt like someone was pulling on the bones under the skin. However, when brown eyes fell upon the abrupt reappearance of the man from before, now brandishing a bat and what looked to be a book, Gael wasn’t… relieved, per se, but at least it wasn’t someone– “Wait, where the hell did you go?” He asked, all but ignoring everything else that the man (now dubbed Mateo) had said, even as he was being pulled to his feet and shoving a - was this a book? - into Gael’s shaking hands. “First you were here and then you suddenly weren’t and– how long have you been listening in on me?” He asked, temporarily all but forgetting the large monstrosity that loomed near them. 

—

“Yeah…” Mateo nodded along to the guy’s mild freakout, completely detached and unsympathetic to how overwhelming the whole situation probably was. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. It’s fine. Just a thing I can do, man. Don’t worry about it.” When he appeared to finally be done, Mateo clicked his tongue and waved off his companion while his attention was taken by the fucked up puppy just a few feet away. It growled and snapped, though Mateo remained unfazed by the attempts at aggression. 

But as he looked closer, he noticed the dog wasn’t pointing the ‘tude toward the mare. “Huh?” It continued the show, attempting to circle around Mateo, and the closer he got, the more obvious it became that Mateo wasn’t the object of the dog’s fixation. It was the man behind him.  The very terrified and babbling man. “Yo, my guy, I think he’s–wait” He looked at the dog, eyes narrowing until he nodded with a smile on his face. “Sorry,” He apologized to the mutt, putting his body between the two to keep the man safe. “What’d you do to make her mad at you?” Kneeling down, the hound seemed to calm a little, almost nuzzling into Mateo. A look of surprise painted over his face, but he was more than happy to accept the affection of a dog for the first time in years. —

So Gael was what most people considered to be a ‘patient person’. He could roll with the punches, casually accept friendly insults and was more than willing to be the butt of a joke. On most days. Now, though, as Mateo was obviously not as worried about whatever this was as Gael himself was, he felt the uncomfortable pulse of energy through his limbs and it balled his hands into fists– well, the one, while the other held the book that was unhelpfully given to him to use as a weapon because Mateo saw it in a movie.

“Just a thing you can do?” He asked, only to get waved off and he felt some of the fear starting to dissipate in favor of frustration, despite the man standing before him who would apparently just… blink out of existence, the dog that was still menacing him and causing the back of his hair to stand on end. Was that even real? Was Mateo real? He felt real, Gael could feel the hand on his, pulling him to his feet. But… Maybe Mateo was just another side effect of whatever he was feeling at the moment. He wanted to say something else, though even now he wasn’t sure what he was going to say when the tentacled dog made its presence known once more and he tensed up, turning his dark, furrowed gaze to the creature with its glowing eyes that bored into him, sending another shiver up his spine. Maybe it wasn’t real. It hadn’t attacked him yet and… Mateo started talking to it. Apologizing to it. “Wh–” He faltered, confusion painting his face. “...What?” He asked incredulously as the other man knelt and started petting it - her?

—

“Yeah, old man. Try not to question it too much. You look…” Looking Gael up and down, Mateo chortled, a bit amused by the nervous and disheveled look the guy was sporting. He blabbered way more than Felix did, and they were pretty good at freaking out. He shrugged, “You look like you need to go home and take a nap.” Taking the nice route wasn’t a common thing for Mateo, but even a man like him could have sympathy. He wasn’t always a monster.

“Ay que linda eres, chulita.” Mateo put his attention back toward the hound, petting her gently and cooing as if she was any normal dog. Quickly, she leaned into his touch, and he exhaled with a bit of disbelief and glee. He wondered if that was what people felt when an animal took to them so quickly and easily. It was a nice feeling, and Mateo forgot all about Gael for a few moments while he decided on a name.  “Angel.” He proclaimed, standing up to face Gael. “I think Angel and I have a lot of bonding to do.” She snapped at Gael, growling as if she may attack. Mateo had a feeling she wouldn’t, so he just laughed, crossing his arms with an amused look on his face. “Don’t think she likes you too much, but hey, that’s just me. I think you’re okay even if you should relax a little.” Placing a hand on Angel’s head, he patted her, instantly ending the show of threats. “Never had a dog before, so I guess it’s thanks to you that I get to have one now though. Really appreciate it, chico.” The hound’s tendrils writhed happily coiling loosely around Mateo’s arm as he pet Angel. “You good to get home? I’m gonna take her on a walk.” —

Gael crossed his arms defensively when Mateo called him ‘old’, but he couldn’t deny that maybe a nap sounded good. Even if didn’t feel like he needed, wanted, or could even settle down enough to take a nap, he figured it might’ve been beneficial. Irritation tugged at his mind, just as a jittering feeling, strange sensations that pumped through his veins. Fear, annoyance, fear, empathy, annoyance. The dog snapped at him again which prompted him to take an instinctive step back but Mateo had named the creature Angel and… he seemed to have been getting along with it. Which, ultimately, Gael thought he liked. Angel wasn't on the list of the first ten names he’d have picked for a dog with a skull for a head, glowing eyes or tentacles that furled lazily on its back but… this was why he had Mirabel and Señor at home. There were few things that could compare to the love of an animal and he knew better now that love from anywhere, even an unconventional creature that nuzzled into Mateo’s palm fondly. The sensation solidified as the other man expressed that he’d never had a dog before. He paused, looking at the bizarre scene before him. And though he thought some primal part of him still wanted to recoil, give the creature its space, he also found himself smiling faintly at the duo. “Yeah. I’m good to get home.” He replied casually, dipping his sentence into the Spanish he knew Mateo was fluent in. “You take your girl for a walk; I’m glad you found her.” He said and with the lasting image of the tentacled beast still fresh in his mind but with the label ‘Angel’ attached to it, eliminating some of the fear, Gael put his hands in his pockets and left the two strange beings to themselves.

He wasn’t going to go home, not yet but he could at least be more aware of where he was walking. Ideally to avoid any other weird, possibly freaky creatures out in the woods that evening.

[poisonheart]

Listen, you and I are passengers on this cruise named StalkYoo. We have been sailing forever, braved some rough seas, but only recently found each other when we were howling at the moon and crawling all over the deck and burning the life boats because nobody is getting off now. We either make it to dock or we sink—there is no escape.

The naysayers will say what they want to say, will try to downplay the events that Quimchee has so carefully, so masterfully crafted, yet we KNOW BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN FEEDING ON THOSE CRUMBS OF CATNIP FOR YEARS AND TONIGHT SHE LEFT THE BAG OPEN AND WE'RE ROLLING IN THE GOOD SHIT!!!!!

Ahem.

NO SCREW THAT I WILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM. EVER. I have not been able to process anything since last night. I was just at the kitchen, cooking my pasta in garlic butter sauce when they came into my brain again and I was just like...

I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE SO STUPID!!!! /affectionately

Nana having a moment to talk to Nol before she meets Shin Ae was so important and I think a lot of people miss why.

She got to see him reacting to what had just happened with Shin Ae. Was seeing him mope, fiddle with his emotional support bandana. It's probably a side of him that she doesn't often see because Nol doesn't let many perceive his distress. Or so he thinks. He thinks he's so good at hiding, especially his emotions.

Nol tells Nana that the bandana belongs to his friend.

Nana knew that it wasn't a gift.

But she uses the bandana to unsettle Nol in an effort to get him to talk because she recognizes that he's retreating and she doesn't want him to. She knows that he will find a way to get her to leave to stop embarrassing him and that they'll have a chance to talk. She just has to play the part. And she does. Beautifully. Comically.

As expected of Nana.

But there is more to this, too.

Not only does Nana notice what's happening between them, but she also connects the dots that this is the "new friend" he's often talked about. I need you to understand how HARD I AM CHEWING MY WALLS.

Do you remember that episode where Nana calls him out to eat at night and tells him to eat more because he's tiny? How can he fight evil witches with that small frame?

And Nol responds that he's at least 6 feet tall and that if Nana wants to see tiny, she should see how small his friend is.

That's just one instance that we see, but we're not privy to those small moments often given the format of Webtoons.

Just like Nol and Shin Ae texting a lot, by the glimpses of their message history, but it's not something explicitly stated...

This is another one of those moments.

I know in my soul that Nol has mentioned this friend to Nana before and now Nana knows this is Shin Ae. It's a girl... and whatever sort of platonic enthusiasm he displayed before is entirely gone now.

This isn't the avoidant gaze of a guy who had a little disagreement with a pal. And Nana sees it. Recognizes it.

She's 72 and sharp.

She's been around long enough to see two idiots clearly.

I want to scream.

Ah, so this is that friend you were always yapping about?

She sees the effect Shin Ae has on him—when she's not there and now when she is right in front of him.

Everything about them drives me insane.

I just want to rattle them like Shake n Bake chicken.

So many people in the comments like:

"This miscommunication is getting on my nerves" or "When are they finally going to admit everything?"

They get served a banquet of catnip and spurn it.

They must not be cats.

We can't relate.

I need to pause and simply comment Quimchee's art. It's so simple. We know she's been struggling with missing assistants, etc. But she is able to always, always draw the emotions perfectly.

I don't know how she does it.

This is one of the things I have always admired about her work.

When Nana leaves them alone you see that Nol has the intention of saying something—maybe apologize, but he doesn't. Because the two of them are struggling with emotions and pick at each other.

"So all those things she said... about you moping about... was she just making all that up to get you riled up? Or was there truth to it?"

That pokes him. Pokes at the thing he was trying to convince himself he had no time for—he has too much shit going on.

Instead of letting him speak, she prods... and he often whips back. They do this a lot—they go back and forth—because he has the same power to get under her skin, get her riled up.

Nol has been pushing them away for so long that she asks what's been on her mind since running into Dieter.

"Did you hurt him too?" <- that is the underlying question.

And so he remembers the guilt which was already bubbling because when Dieter came back to his room before, Nol hid the bandana from him because it was part of a secret moment he thought nobody but them were privy to.

Dieter is good at hiding.

Like Shin Ae, he could think anything off about him was exhaustion. It's easier than even thinking Dieter saw any of that, but now he can't avoid the reality that Dieter saw everything.

Only that would explain the behavior Shin Ae is explaining right now.

He has failed his friend in his mind.

He has feelings for the same girl.

So Nol pushes her out and he knows where to hurt her. He tells her that she has no business being there. And he probably would have let her storm off had she not made a comparison with Rand, the person he most despises being like.

After all, Kousuke has partially despised him for being Mini Rand. For being "like father." To have someone else, someone Nol cares about, remark that he's just like Rand—that's what gets him to express that the reason he's asking her to leave (or so he wants her to believe) is because Dieter saw them. Saw them having the most non-platonic sappy moment ever.

I feel like Shin Ae isn't aware that saying he's like Rand gets under his skin—it was a natural thing for her to say, where Nol is often aware of what can hurt others and sometimes weaponizes that knowledge.

It takes a lot for him to reach that extreme, but he does it.

"He heard it all. Saw it all."

And this is such an interesting line because Nol didn't see the entire part of their little exchange. He blindfolded himself for that dance. Both to hide the tears and I also believe to shield himself from seeing the person he wanted for himself. Had he seen her smiling that way, seen her so happy with him, I don't think he could have taken it.

Nol didn't see her shining, but Dieter did.

Dieter saw the things Nol wanted to blind himself to.

And like you say... it's how Nol says things.

It's the way he emphasizes, as you said, "when we thought we were the only ones up" because both of them gave into a stolen moment that Nol feels he probably didn't deserve nor should have taken.

But he did take it.

He went all in for it.

He was so insane for what he did and it finally hits him.

Especially because Dieter witnessed everything.

Shin Ae still doesn't add it up because she hasn't processed how her feelings for Nol are vastly different, much less how someone looking at them would interpret things.

She wants to normalize what she feels for Nol so badly.

"I don't feel the same way about Dieter as I do Min Hyuk, so obviously that explain why Nol is different too."

She hasn't processed that he's the only one to truly rile her up, get under her skin, fluster her, frustrate her, and drive her over the edge.

She hasn't had time or space to compare and realize why Nol is so different. She never dug into why Nol disappearing from her life hurt so badly, so much worse than any other betrayal or disappearance.

Shin Ae has been confessing to Nol the entire night, without realizing the impact of what it means yet. She has told him, without saying she loves him, that she loves him. Always remarking how well they get along, how effortless it is to be with him, how badly she wants to see the real him, how much she needs him to stop pushing her away. And he has heard every single word. Believed it.

He doesn't doubt her.

Shin Ae feels Nol's urgency and maybe even a sense of finality which only makes her more desperate to fix the situation.

She can't lose him.

"There's nothing going on here."

But there is. There is so much going on.

"You're acting like you did something despicable."

He did. He feels he did. Because he likes her. It's not platonic.

"We're all friends here."

She is trying to salvage this situation that is spinning out of control. Trying to convince him that she can fix it. That she can undo the big mess. Yet it won't work because the truth is they're not friends.

What's happening between them is anything but friendship.

AND IT IS SO FUCKING WELL DONE.

Shin Ae is Rose trying to pull up Jack on that fucking door and Nol is just like "No."

Quimchee is so good at the way she draws thing.

I know I mentioned this on Discord but having her set the foot down was such a nice touch because she's been "tolerating his bullshit" in respect to his boundaries but she can tell this is different.

This isn't really a boundary but cowardice.

Why won't he tell her what it's really about?

Why is he really trying to get rid of her?

She doesn't get it.

I love her so much. She represents that some people really need it to be spelled out for them. It may be part consequence of her brain injury, but it's also trauma.

Shin Ae often thinks worse case scenario.

We've seen her assaulted by memories of all the bad things people have said about her. She's asking him to not leave her to her own imagination, to be clear—direct, but he won't do it.

He wants her to figure it out herself.

He doesn't want to influence her.

A lot of people shit on Nol for being a bad friend to Dieter because he developed feelings for Shin Ae (as if you can control that lol) but I love the way he stood up for Dieter this episode.

"It's either you are or you aren't."

In many ways, he is trying to get her to understand she needs to apply this to him too.

Why is he different? Why does she care so much about him?

"He doesn't have that. Not even as your friend."

But she still doesn't get it because she doesn't have the same feelings for all her friends.

From the start, she has tried to make sense of things, but it doesn't quite dawn on her why Nol is different.

She has been too busy trying to salvage the friendship he was throwing away to even ponder on how her feelings for Nol are different.

She's been trying to get him to "stay put" and be honest, and "stay."

And she keeps losing him.

He keeps slipping.

Now he's pushing her and she's trying to counter his logic by saying "all friendships are different" because this is all she knows.

This is what she had been fighting for.

Except it wasn't.

What she's been fighting for wasn't friendship, it was Nol.

She was fighting to keep Nol.

She was fighting to keep him in her life.

She thinks what she's been fighting for is solely the friendship, but what she wants is him, the person. To see him, to know him, to be by his side.

I HATE THEM SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS TO ME.

That's why he asks why she cares.

She keeps saying it's because they're friends, because she cares about him, so he asks why again.

Why do you care about me?

Why him? Why is he different?

Shin Ae has been telling him all night why. What he means to her. How he makes her feel. The impact he's had on her life. How much he matters. How special he is to her.

But Shin Ae has never gotten down to why she feels all those things.

She can't come up with an answer...

She doesn't understand why "I care about you" isn't enough.

Why she needs some better reason to "convince him."

In many ways she's like "Are you dumb?"

While he's like, "Are you dense?"

Like you say—they're speaking in different languages.

Why he's pushing her away is the same reason why she cares about him. It's the same. They're on the same page, but holding different translations of the book, lol.

AND I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

As you know, Quimchee said on Patreon that she wanted Nol to resemble Rand while still looking like himself in that panel where he asks her to convince him.

I want to believe it will mean something.

That she will think back and have one of those "my life flashed before me" moments and realize exactly why he's different and why Dieter is understandably hurting.

Because everyone can see it except her right now.

This is so good. This is everything I wanted.

This is angst that isn't there as filler but as natural progression of two idiots who are coming to terms with each other.

It's as you said: Nol can't deny Shin Ae.

He's so insane.

How he blocks her number but checks his spam folder. He can't let go. He just can't. All he can do is push, but they always find a way back to each other. IT'S UNREAL IT'S FJAHBUFBAKJ.

THEY MAKE ME SO SICK.

This is a story that loses all meaning if people take everything at face value... which happens a lot when you read the comment section. I'm so happy to have found someone WHO UNDERSTANDS and LOVES the catnip Quimchee leaves for us.

ILY FP 231

ALRIGHTY KIDS WHO’S READY FOR STALKYOO WEEKEND WHO’S READY FOR ME TO TALK NONSTOP ABOUT ILY AND TENSION AND FEELINGS AND EXECUTION AND SUBTEXT I’M RARING TO GO picture me frothing at the mouth rattling the bars of my cage because that’s been me and that WILL remain me! 

Keep reading

[adlbeay]

I wanted to talk about the themes in the Walk in the Dust event. The story of Arknights has always had a high level of thematic consistency, but it’s especially prominent in this event. I feel like a lot of the discussion of the story in certain places comes down to “lore” and surface-level plot details, so I wanted to get this out there somewhere.

The two big ideas that are covered in Walk in the Dust are that of revenge and the homeland. Let's talk about revenge first. Long post and story spoilers under the cut.

In the beginning, we are introduced to Elliot, aka Passenger, who by the time we meet him, is an aimless husk of a man. He is utterly empty inside despite being the most powerful figure in the Reefsteep black  market, with vast wealth and political influence under his thumb. Having completed his decades-long quest to slay everyone who was involved in betraying his teacher, he has no more goals for his life. After killing  the Lord Ameer of Ibut, the last of his targets, he realizes that the revenge he had been pursuing was ultimately empty, that the weapons he built and the schemes he engineered to that end no longer moved him. Even the death of the Lord Ameer didn't matter one bit in the political landscape of Sargon.

As for the Sargon army... We live in different times now. The ruling  Padishahs simply care not about what is happening here in this barren  wasteland. My guess is that it matters not to them whether it's the  father or the son that's in charge. Actually, to tell the truth, it  hardly matters to me either.

Ultimately, no one cared if the Lord Ameer was murdered or simply  died in an accident, not even Elliot himself. Sargon continues to be exploited by the Columbian military and the ruling Lords. Professor Thorne remains dead. His research, once entrusted to Elliot to prevent  it from becoming a weapon of war, has nonetheless been used by Elliot  himself to bring even more death. Now, 22 years later, Passenger sees  finding Kal'tsit as his only path to salvation, so that she can once  again give him a purpose like she did when she rescued him the first time.

Folinic's mom, Lillia, also shares the same kind of story. Her husband was killed in Chernobog when the count decided to purge the researchers working on the sarcophagus device. Among the children of the families broken up by this incident are Lyudmila (later Crownslayer), Alex and Misha (later Skullshatterer), and Luisa (later Folinic). Lillia finds Kal'tsit after months of searching, intending to take revenge on  Grand Duke Vanya not just for her husband, but also for Luisa, who never got to know her father because of it. Kal'tsit tries to talk her out of  it, even during the final phases of the plan, but Lillia's mind is set.  She entrusts Kal'tsit with taking care of both Luisa and Lyudmila, as  she knows she won't be able to come back to live a normal life after  this. And... she succeeds. Although it is Kal'tsit who ultimately administered the poison, their plan works flawlessly and Duke Vanya is finally dead.

Except it still ended up being completely meaningless. The Grand Duke was in a glorified nursing home already near the end of his life, and if Kal'tsit didn't kill him then some other conspirator from the Ursus  political backstage would have done it anyway. He was already crippled and blind, and as we find out during the confrontation with the Emperor's Blade, even Kal'tsit only agreed to Lillia's plan because it  defused the conspiracies of other powerful figures who would have used  the Duke's death to spark another rebellion. The only thing that Lillia ended up accomplishing was making sure that Louisa would grow up without both a mother and a father, and Lyudmila would never get the answers she really wanted about her family's death. And, although she ended up not doing it, she was even also planning to go back to Chernobog to kill  Sergei, Alex and Misha's father, for his betrayal.

And this carries on through the future outside the event. Crownslayer ends up joining Reunion because she thinks it will give her the answers  she wants and avenge her father. Folinic almost lets her anger at Atro's death get her into a confrontation with Wolumonde. In the end, Crownslayer is stopped by Kal'tsit and Folinic is calmed down by  Suzuran, but we might be able to imagine what would have happened if  they managed to carry out their vengeance.

The theme of homeland is one that's intrinsically tied to Kal'tsit and has at least a bit of relation to the broader story outside of the event. It's harder to talk about since it's not clearly  split into individual stories like previously, but there's at least one character that exemplifies this theme the most: Old Isin.

Old Isin is appropriately to his name, old as rocks. He remembers being a servant to some lord of a long-lost city that very few even know once existed, and spends his time telling fortunes while trying to seek out people who, like him, also share that past. According to Kal'tsit, the city's people were scattered when it was destroyed, and now only Isin even remembers the origin of the name "Reefsteep". Even then, Isin only has vague memories, and believes it to be his unforgivable sin that  he has forgotten so much about the city.

Old Isin originally helps Kal'tsit and Elliot because he hopes that  she can help him remember about the lost city, and thus absolve his  "unforgivable sin". And Kal'tsit indeed does help him. Isin begins to recall the conquests of armies a thousand years ago, something even with  his age he should not have been a part of, much less remembered.  Kal'tsit dispels the illusions clouding his memory, and reveals that  what Isin remembers is only the stories that the padishah recounted to  him, that the glory of his old city was only a memory of another memory. In truth, the city in Old Isin's memory was merely a stepping stone for the padishah's ambition to conquer the uncharted deserts, and was abandoned just as easily when that campaign failed. His homeland's glory was just an illusion created in his mind by the padishah's charisma.

Which brings us to the Emperor's Blade. Wherever he stands is the dominion of the Empire of Ursus. Whatever he does carries out the Ursus Emperor's will. Or at least, that's how the Royal Guards imagine themselves, single-handedly carrying out their homeland's legacy. Kal'tsit lays it out clearly:

Kal'tsit: Tell me, what does the current Ursus Emperor think of the Pine Valley affair? Or do you mean to tell me the seeds of that uprising, the origins of the crisis were all the will of the Emperor? Feel free to keep deceiving yourself, but the truth is the young emperor is unaware of the events that transpired there. You believe he has no  need to know. You... all of you seek a bygone era. You are just caught up in the former emperor's grand vision!

As does Patriot in Chapter 8:

Patriot: I fought with your fathers. Your strength and tactical acumen are no less impressive than theirs. But you look at the Ursus of those times with rose-colored glasses. What you see is nothing more than your wild fantasies.

The Royal Guards are described in not too unclear words as soldiers  who probably believed too much of their own grandiose affect. They are unparalleled fighters, to be sure, but it isn't hard to infer that those words about executing Ursus's will and each Royal Guard being his own nation are words intended to strike fear into their enemies rather than  statements of any real truth. Indeed, if you know anything about the internal politics of Ursus, the idea of "Ursus's own will" can be seen as more of a nostalgia at a bygone era when Ursus was, or at least seemed, united in conquest under the previous Emperor. The perceived glory of their homeland is what motivates the Emperor's Blade, but like with Old Isin, the truth behind it is shaky at best.

We also have the contrast between the retired veteran at Pine Valley  and Grand Duke Vanya. While talking to Witte, the veteran cuts off one of his own fingers, claiming that the scars he has suffered in Ursus's wars, once considered symbols of his glory and honor, were ultimately meaningless, and he wants this self-inflicted wound to be his only legacy to Ursus. At the same time, the Grand Duke is postulating about how the seeds he had sown in the winter would give birth to beautiful flowers. Even though his actions and the crimes he committed never bore fruition, he is convinced even in death that Ursus's soil will bloom.

The issue of a real or imagined homeland, and its loss, is also  shared by the Sarkaz as a whole not only in this story but in the main story and many other events. It's even arguable that Rhodes Island's mission to help the Infected was originally inherited from Babel's goal of establishing a stable homeland for the Sarkaz. After all, as pointed  out in many places, the Infected and Sarkaz share much of the same discrimination.

Sarkaz Mercenary: Home...? How could us devils... us Infected possibly have one... Kal'tsit: The Sarkaz have tried to rebuild 'Kazdel', their home for centuries, though they have never succeeded. Everyone has a different idea as to what the term 'homeland' means, but as it stands right now,  Kazdel is perhaps as close as you can get to the term's original meaning.

And in Twilight of Wolumonde:

Armed Infected: We’re going home? To what home?

Mudrock: Kazdel. There may be no place for Sarkaz outside of Kazdel.  But in Kazdel, there is a place for you. Not because of tolerance. But because there is... nothing there. Kazdel... is where the homeless go. A land of rootless people.

So what does all this have to do with Kal'tsit?

In the ending cutscene, Passenger asks Kal'tsit whether this "Rhodes  Island" is yet another passing persona to be used to accomplish a goal and discarded when it's complete. Like the persona of the Trusted  Advisor, or the Servant, or the Laterano Cleric, will she abandon Rhodes  Island as well? Kal'tsit initially puts up a front saying he has no  right to ask, then bluffs about having thousands of answers, but is pushed by Passenger saying he'll even accept a lie. In one of the only times we get to see Kal'tsit faltering, she actually has no answer to this.

Unlike the other characters we see throughout the story, Kal'tsit has no homeland. No matter how fake or illusory it is, Old Isin and the Royal Guard have something to believe about a place where they can belong. The nobles in Victoria, as incompetent as they appear from the outside, are dedicated to defending the peace of their home despite having no ruler. Even the ostracized Sarkaz can ultimately go back to Kazdel, as unpleasant as that might be. But while Kal'tsit wanders the earth to keep the homelands of others from falling into chaos, she has no homeland of her own to go back to.

In one of the trailers for Chapter 9, we hear a recording from Theresa, addressed to Kal'tsit: "I hope this Rhodes Island can be a place to call home, a place you can always return to."

[hercleverboy]

the year of goodbyes

spencer reid x gn!reader

masterlist

summary ↠ over the course of a year, Spencer says goodbye to three people— and hello to one.

category ↠ angst/fluff

warnings/includes ↠ takes place in s11, talk of Alzheimer’s,  

word count ↠ 1.8k

massive shoutout to my beloved @ellesgreenaway for beta reading and encouraging me to finish this piece— india you are my actual saving grace

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” — Paulo Coelho

People leaving wasn’t exactly a new concept for Spencer.

He knew it all too well, the familiar look that was cast over peoples features, how their eyes got glassy and lips twitched as they prepared to tell him that they were yet another person who would leave him behind— like so many had before.

But their choice of words was always different. He noticed a sort of pattern, when it came to people walking out of his life. They tended to dance around the words, never exactly saying ‘I’m leaving you.’

First, it was his father. He’d watched him pack a suitcase full of things, spit angry words at his mother and then turn to him, his son— placing his hand on his shoulder, mumbling a few cowardly words and that was that. Spencer no longer had a father.

(‘I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to look after you anymore.’)

Second was Gideon, who never actually said goodbye in person (and Spencer couldn’t decide whether that was better or worse.) Instead, he left, wrote words down on a page and then addressed it to him.

(‘Spencer, I knew you would be the one to come down here.’)

And again, with Alex. Not a goodbye, not in the formal sense, but Spencer’s heart ached with how he knew what this was— he recognised the look on her face and knew that once again, he would lose someone he loved.

(‘You know, Ethan would’ve been a lot like you.’)

Everyone in Spencer’s life started to feel temporary. There one minute, gone the next. He wished that meant that he cared any less for them, or that it hurt any less when they left.

Of course, that was never the case.

His mother’s mental state had been deteriorating rapidly, and nothing— not anything that Spencer’s big genius brain could think of — was helping her.

When he visited her, he saw the vacant look in her eyes. He recognised the look of confusion on her face when he’d enter the room, ignoring how his heart squeezed painfully upon realising that his own mother no longer remembered him.

It would take her a few minutes, but eventually the confusion would disappear and she would give him a smile, greeting him with open arms and warm words.

It was a different kind of leaving, but she was leaving him all the same. She wasn’t physically going anywhere, but, mentally?

He saw how she was deteriorating, he argued with countless doctors and medical professionals, exhausting every book and resource he could find— just hoping he could come up with something.

But, no.

He found it a little ironic. He was the boy wonder, the resident genius of the Bureau’s elite behavioural analysis unit, a smartass who had endless amounts of knowledge.

He always had the answer, always had the solution.

Ironic— because the man who was supposed to know it all, had no clue how to protect his mother from a disease that would inevitably take her from him.

It wasn’t something he would ever come to terms with, it was never something he would accept. He knew how it was going to go, the doctors told him as much.

The day would come that he would walk into his mother’s room, and those vacant eyes would never gain clarification. Her confusion wouldn’t pass, and she would no longer recognise him.

Spencer dreaded that day.

He feared it, even. 

Because the day he lost his mother would be the day he lost himself. 

*

When Catherine Adams’ file came across Spencer’s desk, he thrusted all of his agony over his mother into the case. It was why he decided that he would be the one to take her down in the restaurant, why he insisted that she wouldn’t perceive him as a threat. 

Oddly enough, Spencer found himself intrigued by her. Perhaps, he simply enjoyed being intellectually challenged in such a way.  Or perhaps, somewhere deep down in the darkest parts of himself, he liked the attention, got off on being able to outsmart her. 

He was smug when he managed to trick her into getting into the back of the police van, under the guise that he’d found her father. (After all, she was ‘just another girl with daddy issues’.) 

It was only when Cat gave him a grin, one that contrasted with the tears that slipped down her cheeks, that Spencer felt uneasy. 

He crouched down in front of her, whispered a small, “Goodbye, Cat,” before getting up and leaving the van, feeling a weight on his chest that made it difficult for him to breathe. 

Again, it was a different type of goodbye. One he was of course relieved about, because with it brought the promised safety of Penelope, now that Cat was behind bars. Although, alongside the relief, there was a sour aftertaste. 

It was what led him to take a moment, sitting down on the swings in the park, hands trembling slightly as they grabbed the chains, swinging gently in a slow rhythm that he hoped would calm him down. 

The last words Cat had said to him played over and over in his head. 

“In twenty years, you won’t remember my name. But I’ll remember yours.” 

At first, Spencer assumed she was referring to how after a while, Cat would simply blend into the sea of seemingly never-ending unsubs who all tried, and failed, to outsmart the team.

It was only later that Spencer realised she was instead insinuating that he would succumb to the same disease as his mother— forgetting not only those that he loved, but the ones he hated too.

*

Spencer’s best friend was going to be a father. 

The team were gathered in the waiting room, eagerly awaiting news, when Morgan came out with a smile on his face. “It’s a boy!” 

Pure, unbridled joy burst throughout the room, with Spencer lurching forward to wrap his arms around him, laughing and giving his congratulations. He swallowed the lump that began to form in his throat and pushed away the thoughts that swirled around his mind. Deep down, he knew what would inevitably happen, but that moment wasn’t the right time to think about it. 

It was late in the evening when Derek Morgan stopped by Spencer’s desk. Before he even looked up from his paperwork, he knew where this conversation was going to go. When he did look up, it all but confirmed it— he saw the sad smile on Morgan’s lips, and watched how his eyes glossed over.

He said nothing though. Instead, he smiled and chuckled as Morgan gushed over his newborn son. His smile got even bigger when Morgan handed over the birth announcement— Hank Spencer Morgan.

Although he knew what was coming, he knew what decision Morgan was going to make, he expected nothing less from his best friend. A man who had grown immensely in the years he’d known him, going from a real ladies man to someone who would give up his job in order to be there for his family.

Morgan placed his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, a sigh leaving his lips. “Kid, listen. Here’s the thing..”

“I know.” Spencer whimpered quietly, smiling sadly. “It’s okay. I know. And I understand.”

He watched Derek Morgan walk away, sniffling as he willed the tears to keep at bay. He watched his best friend, his brother, walk away. And it hurt, God it hurt. But he was so proud of the man that Morgan had become that he pushed aside the hurt, reminding himself of what he knew to be true.

Everyone left eventually. 

Spencer feared that one day, he would look around and find that he was truly and utterly alone.

*

It was a normal Tuesday morning, and Spencer was making his way through the FBI Headquarters, up to the BAU floor. He stepped into the elevator, his coffee mug in one hand, and his other resting over his satchel. Just before the door closed, he heard someone call out. 

“Hold the doors!” 

Spencer reached a hand out, pushing the doors back open. 

You scuttled into the elevator, looking over to the male next to you with a smile. “Thank you for holding the doors. I’m already running a little late for my first day.” You explained, reaching to press the button for the fifth floor, watching as the elevator doors closed again. 

“The fifth floor? The Sex Crimes Unit?” Spencer asked curiously. 

You nodded. 

“It’s your first day?” 

“Yeah, I moved here for the job a couple of weeks back. It was an incredible opportunity, I couldn’t pass it up.” You expressed, and Spencer gave you a tight lipped smile in return. “I’m presuming you work here as well?” 

He nodded. “I’m in the Behavioural Analysis Unit, a floor up from you.” 

“Well, that’s good to hear. At least I have one friend in the building, if it turns out my new team hate me.” You joked, glad when Spencer let out a little laugh. 

“I’m sure that won’t be the case. You seem very likeable.” 

You grinned up at him. “Thank you.”

The elevator dinged, the doors opening. You looked over at your new friend, flashing him a nervous smile. “Well, wish me luck.”

“Good luck.” He smiled back, raising his hand in a small wave as you left the elevator. 

After a long day of paperwork (and thinking of the pretty person he’d met in the elevator), Spencer gathered together his things before getting into the elevator. It stopped on the floor below, and when the doors opened, he smiled at the sight of you. 

You looked up from where you’d been looking down at your phone, mirroring his grin. “Hey! It’s you.” 

“Yes—yes, It is, me.” Spencer replied, cringing awkwardly at his nonsensical response. 

You only laughed quietly at it, entering the elevator. 

“How was your first day?” He asked, only to be polite. 

You seemed surprised that he’d asked, but answered nonetheless. “It was good! Turns out my team don’t hate me. Or at least, I don’t think they do?” Your voice raised in question, making Spencer laugh a little. 

“See? What did I tell you?” He grinned, and you rolled your eyes playfully. 

You leaned over, nudging his shoulder with yours. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” 

“Spencer.” 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Spencer. For the second time today.” 

Spencer smiled shyly, hands delving into his pockets as the elevator dinged. The two of you stepped out, looking at one another with timid expressions. 

“My car, it’s that way.” You pointed to the other end of the car park. 

“I take the subway.” Spencer responded, wishing he could find a way to make you stay a little longer.

“Well, have a good evening, Spencer.” You beamed. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Yes!” He responded a little eagerly, sighing inwardly before clearing his throat. “I mean yeah, sure that- that’s cool.” 

You giggled quietly, waving goodbye before turning toward your car. 

Spencer blushed the whole way to the subway station, biting back the smile on his lips at the thought of you. 

People leaving wasn’t exactly a new concept for Spencer. 

But you? 

He had the feeling that you were going to be a very permanent part of his life, and he didn’t mind that in the slightest. 

*

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[kstewdeux]

@inukagfluffweek

August 11, 2021 - Touch

Lewd

For the life of him, Inuyasha could not figure out why people were staring at them more than usual or, more unnervingly, why Miroku kept giving him some very uncomfortable glances filled to the brim with amusement. Per the norm when the things made him uneasy, Inuyasha had taken to sticking a little closer to Kagome than he traditionally would have in a clearly hostile village. Not because he couldn’t protect himself, okay? He was perfectly capable of protecting himself and had for over a hundred years. And, to be clear, being around her didn’t make him feel safe. Definitely didn’t need to feel safe when he could defeat these assholes with one hand behind his back. He absolutely did not need Kagome to protect him and she wouldn’t be able to do much on that front in any case. It was just that he felt a little more secure near her. Secure was not the same thing as safe. Not at all. He didn’t need her to feel safe. Just…a little more confident when he was admittedly a little anxious people were staring. At first, it actually wasn’t that bad but the stares just kept getting worse and so…

But he was not staying close because he was scared. He wasn’t scared of anything. Except, well, losing her so…so that was probably why he felt the need to stay close. So he could protect her if shit hit the fan. Knowing that she was safe made his chest less tight and his stomach stop churning. Sure as hell wasn’t because…

Letting out a controlled exhale, Inuyasha distractedly flicked at some crust that had somehow lodged itself in the corner of one eye before letting his hand drop again.

“What a beautiful public display,” Miroku hummed as he sidled up to his companions and gave Inuyasha a mischievous grin, “It’s almost heartwarming to see two young people so in love.”

For some unknown reason, Kagome choked as her heart started beating so fast from fear Inuyasha’s instincts nearly went into overdrive. Why the hell was the wench so terrified?

Glancing around, amber eyes widened at the realization that Kagome might be just as worried about the stares they’d been receiving. Maybe she was staying close to him for….similar reasons he’d been staying close to her.

“You need to shut up,” Inuyasha hissed quietly before lowering his volume more so as to not be overheard - somehow making the monk look even more amused, “This ain’t the place to say shit like that. The villagers have been watching me like a hawk.”

“I absolutely cannot imagine why,” Miroku snickered as he pointedly glanced down and set his jaw to keep his shit eating grin in check, “In any case, Sango is almost done buying provisions so why don’t we move on ahead, hm?”

“Fine by me,” Inuyasha huffed as he began walking forward only to realize - when the thing in his hand jerked once to keep him in place - exactly why people were staring. Amber eyes widened in mild horror as they darted to the hand clasped securely in his own which was attached to the miko herself.

When did they start holding hands? He sure as hell didn’t do that and yet his palm was slightly sweaty indicating he’d been holding her hand for some time now.

“We should wait for her,” Kagome chided nervously as she gave Inuyasha’s hand a light squeeze making butterflies erupt in his stomach, “It shouldn’t be much longer.”

Mentally going over their day, Inuyasha tried to pin point when exactly the hand-holding started. They’d been walking side by side most of the day but he…he didn’t remember…

She must’ve started it.

“Why are you holding my hand?” Inuyasha asked - even though he took no action to cease the contact.

Giving him a strange look, the miko gave him an answer he did not like.

“Because you kept putting your hand in mine?” Kagome replied slowly - her worried look morphing into an amused one, “Wait…”

Some flashed behind her eyes and the melting look on her face made his stomach churn.

“Aw, you didn’t…”

“No ‘aw’. There is no ‘aw’ here,” Inuyasha huffed as he pulled his hand back and tucked both hands into his sleeves, “You did this. Not me.”

The melting look increased and Kagome gave him an affectionate smile.

“Awww….”

“What did I say about no ‘aw’!” Inuyasha huffed desperately, “I didn’t start this.”

“Yes you did,” Kagome sing songed and much to Inuyasha utter shock, a nearby elderly human woman chuckled softly to herself while looking between the pair with something akin to strangerly affection. Which disturbed him as much if not more than whatever was happening with him and his wandering hand.

Breathing heavily, Inuyasha’s mind continued racing down every moment of this fateful day. Trying to find the moment or apparently moments where he’d been the one to instigate the offensive touch but no matter how hard he tried, he had no memory of it. None whatsoever. Every minute of that day had felt natural. Normal even.

“D-do I do shit like that a lot?” he finally asked - his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to keep his composure.

“No but I liked it,” Kagome admitted with a hum before taking a step closer and giving him a shy smile that had his ears pinning back against his head.

And then she did something that absolutely crashed his mind…

She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek.

“You can hold my hand whenever you…”

“Are you insane?! You can’t just kiss me like that in strange villages,” Inuyasha hissed as his mind finally caught up - his hand desperately trying to wipe away the perceived sin. Kagome’s grin only made his anger and discomfort grow hotter.

“To be clear then, it’s okay if I do that in familiar places?” came her teasing retort and for a moment, Inuyasha was almost very, very stupid. He almost said something along of the line of forbidding kisses entirely. Something he most certainly did not want to forbid. Especially considering she was pretty much saying she’d give him kisses if he wanted them.

Blushing faintly, Inuyasha decided the best course of action was to react normally. Brush her off and declare her stupid…

Thankfully the old woman watching saw the incoming relationship bomb coming before it landed and for some unknown reason, felt inclined to defuse the explosive before it detonated.

“Be bold boy and say yes,” the elderly woman chuckled softly, “A girl like that won’t wait for you forever and the monk is right. Anyone with eyes can see you love her.”

“Stay outta this” Inuyasha snapped irritably - a reaction to which the old woman thankfully seemed amused by, “What makes you so bold?”

Miroku’s hand flew to the top of his head - hoping his friend didn’t just incur someone’s wrath and also…didn’t Inuyasha just say they shouldn’t draw attention to themselves? Was this just how he coped with fear and anxiety? Antagonize people? If so, how was Inuyasha still alive?!

“Well this was my husbands village and now it belongs to my son. Everything that happens here is my business,” the old woman hummed - giving the somewhat nervous trio a reassuring smile, “And seeing as how you’re in my village, what I say goes.”

“Crack pot,” Inuyasha huffed - earning a full blown facepalm from the miko - and the old woman, to her credit, simply smirked. Not at all afraid of the teenager even with all his fangs and demonic energy. Mostly because he was obviously domesticated and in the presence of equally powerful friends who could stop him from doing any real damage but also because this demon clearly had a good heart and therefore, she reasoned, wouldn’t harm her.

And while that was all mostly true, that didn’t mean Inuyasha wasn’t seriously considering punching her.

“Inuyasha, you need to be nicer to people.”

“Fine. Fine,” Inuyasha huffed as his blush deepened. Glancing at the old woman to make sure she wasn’t upset by what he’d said, Inuyasha turned his gaze back towards the miko who was clearly expecting him to apologize to the old woman. Which he wasn’t gunna do but he could fix one thing that probably needed fixing for a while now.

Squaring his shoulders, Inuyasha cleared his throat and…tried…

“It’d be annoying but if you…you want to kiss me sometimes, I won’t stop you.”

Kagome blinked once then twice.

“Come again?”

Quickly reaching over to push Miroku away face first before he could add in his two cents, Inuyasha tried to look like what he’d said wasn’t awkward as hell.

“I said if you want to kiss me, go ahead. Old bat was right,” Inuyasha hufffed before his eyes widened in horror at what he’d impulsively implied, “I mean, you already j-just do shit. I c-can’t really stop you.”

Kagome made a bemused face and wrinkled her nose at this bizarre admission. That was at least twice now that Inuyasha hadn’t shot someone down after they announced he loved her. Which was unusual and for someone as easily triggered as he was, that left her with a most wonderful conclusion.

One that he apparently realized she’d come to and so Inuyasha did what Inuyasha do.

He tried to protect himself. Poorly.

“I see that look. Don’t be stupid. I mean…yeah, she was right about…about the love part…I do, um, love you, ya know, as a friend. A good friend. And, um, sometimes friends they kiss I think.”

“Well if that is true I must inform San…”

With a soft groan at his own cringeworthy awkwardness, Inuyasha once again necessarily pressed his hand against the closer than usual monk’s face and gave it a light push. This was already nerve racking enough without the monk making it more weird on purpose. First he was holding his woman’s hand without realizing and now he’d all but admitted how he felt. Something he’d been denying himself because he didn’t want to force someone to walk beside him as he faced the constant pile of shit being thrown at him. Add to that he didn’t deserve to be happy when Kikyo was suffering and it was just…wrong to feel like he did.

What he wanted didn’t matter. It never mattered…

Kagome smiled and his stomach turned into pleasant knots.

Except it did. Hell did it ever. He couldn’t even go more than a day without this woman before he lost his fucking mind. What was he going to do if she knew and didn’t feel the same way? Or worse, what if a chance at a relationship ended badly?! If she left him, she’d take the only friends he’d ever had with her…

He’d be alone…

“Uh….huh…”

Panicking now, Inuyasha decided to rely on old faithful and go for an insult to force her back into friendship lane. This was getting into dangerous territory. She knew. Mainly because he told her but he…he could fix it.

“W-why are you so s-stupid, huh?” Inuyasha added a little desperately and much to his horror Kagome’s knowing smile only grew, “I’m just saying you just do shit and…I mean, what am I supposed to do, huh? You just throw yourself at…”

The old woman snickered at the scene and threw in her thoughts with a bemused laugh, “Please just kiss him young lady and put us all out of our misery. He talks far too much for his own good.”

“STAY OUTTA THIS YOU OLD…” Inuyasha began to bellow before whimpering softly when Kagome sealed his mouth with her own. Before he knew it, his arms were pulling her up and against him to give her the best access. It was beautiful and pure and everything he’d hoped a real kiss would be like. While she had done that before, this was the first time she’d done it for a reason other than saving his sorry ass. She’d done that only because she wanted to and that fact that she’d done it just because nearly brought a tear to his eye. Did she…did she love him back?

“You know,” Kagome panted lightly as she pulled back and nuzzled her man’s nose, “I love you too.”

Visibly wilting in relief, Inuyasha gave Kagome the most affectionate look anyone had ever seen on his face. A look that crumpled and turned to annoyance when Miroku made another comment about ‘public displays’.

The old woman simply rolled her eyes and continued on her way - mentally chuckling to herself about how the youth of today could be so foolish and how life was far too short.

A short distance away her middle aged son was watching his mother with a weary smile while the pair of mercenaries seemed to discuss something of great magnitude.

“That’s a dangerous thing you just did.”

“I did nothing but nudge those two down a path they were already on,” the old woman chuckled softly - reaching out to pat her son’s arm, “Love is love sweetheart. It’s one of those funny things in life that just is.”

For a long moment, the son watched the newly formed couple as they resumed holding hands before sighing and turning to follow his mother.

“I meant you meddle far too much” the son continued - glancing over his shoulder to make sure they went being overheard, “They’re mercenaries by trade. You saw their weapons. Probably fresh from some war and…”

“Mercenaries deserve love as well…”

The son let out a long exhale and rolled his eyes.

“Mother. That boy had claws…”

“Claws deserve love…”

The son stopped mid step and groaned that kind of exasperated groan only a child with an embarrassing parent would understand before glancing over his shoulder to watch the little band move on towards their next bounty. One day his mother was going to try to play matchmaker with the wrong two people…

But thankfully, it would seem she always managed to pick the right ones.

[stammiviktor]

no but okay so I’ve always known that Yuri on Ice is a very ace show. Yuuri “Pork Cutlet Bowls are Eros” Katsuki has been demisexual in my heart (and fic) since forever. I’ve also always known that this show (specifically Yuuri’s struggles to embrace his sexual/sensual side in the front half of the show) has always hit closer to my heart than anything ever has before. I guess I just never fully connected the two.

It’s those early-season episodes that really got me on the rewatch, though. And I’ve noticed a few different piece that really hit me in the gut. The following is very non-exhaustive list:

(And I’m going to use my own experience here, though I know that this isn’t the experience of all ace people). 

1) Yuuri Debuts His Eros (ep. 2 and 3) — It’s incredibly difficult to embrace yourself as a sexual being when everyone around you is following the “normal path” of crushes/dating/hooking up and you simply aren’t. It makes you feel like a child and it makes other people look at you like a child, an incomplete person. It’s taking the Rice Purity Test in college and your new friends cooing at your crazy high score — and you don’t know how to tell them how shitty that feels, or that you’ve been writing explicit stories since middle school and are plenty sexual on your own, in private. Your inexperience with partnered sex make you feel like you aren’t worthy of claiming yourself as a sexual being. (Which may be something some ace people aren’t interested in; but for me it’s important.) 

This is what I see so much in Yuuri when he’s having his lil crisis after Viktor assigns him On Love: Eros. Yuuri knows how he’s perceived (or perhaps, he projects how he perceives himself onto the people around him)—so when presented with Agape and Eros, of course he expects he’ll be assigned the sweet, tender, unconditional love, and not the sensual, seductive eroticism. Trying to do the second is unthinkable. It’s that feeling of they’ll laugh at me, they’ll take one look at me and they’ll know that I’m a phony, playing pretend. And to some extent, that’s backed up by some people around him -- like Takeshi tells Yuuri, that playboy story doesn’t sound like you at all. 

What is Eros to Yuuri? He doesn’t know how to answer that. Something sensual, something luxurious. Something he wants but does not feel worthy enough to have. Katsudon. After he says that, he runs off mortified and says “they totally think my ideas are way too immature” -- there’s that “they think I’m a child” piece again.

The thing that’s so beautiful about the show, though, is the way this is handled (something @rikichie pointed out to me, that I didn’t fully realize). Viktor doesn’t bat an eye at Yuuri’s Eros of the Pork Cutlet Bowl. He encourages Yuuri by telling him to ‘imagine more the entangling of the egg’, totally devoid of any irony. It’s just feels so healing, that unthinking acceptance and encouragement. The utter absence of pity.

And the way they resolve Yuuri’s “I Can’t Be Erotic” crisis feels healing, too — because it’s basically just the sheer power of Viktor, his idol, believing he can do it. Even though Yuuri doesn’t know it, Viktor has experienced the force that is Yuuri’s sexuality when Yuuri was too drunk to repress it or feel shame, so knows that Yuuri’s sexuality is not some non-entity. 

It so easily could have been resolved differently—Yuuri’s eros “problem” could have suddenly been “fixed” by showing his sexuality awoken by sexual attraction to Viktor, which makes him finally worthy of expressing himself as a sexual being. But that’s not at all what happens. It’s not about his attraction to Viktor. Yuuri’s sexuality is allowed to live separately from his attraction to others. Yuuri is able to let his sexuality to see the light of day because Viktor, his idol, sees the whole of him. Viktor believes that Yuuri has a sexuality and should feel no shame at letting the world see it. And once Yuuri begins to see that he is right, he can finally let that part of himself breathe and grow without shame. 

2) A Love that Defies Labels (ep. 4 and 5) — I think as an aroace person I’m drawn to characters in relationships that defy the normal classifications and timelines and roles; pairings where the “what are we” question isn’t clear cut, where the societal script for relationship progression/labeling just doesn’t apply. And really, what better captures the spirit of this than Yuuri’s sentiment in the episode 5 press conference? 

Yuuri says that his love for Viktor isn’t something clear cut like romantic love. Until this recent rewatch, I guess I interpreted that as like... a line for the censors? It’s not romance everybody, it’s not gay, don’t worry. And maybe it serves that function a little bit. But in the story, Yuuri is saying that it’s something beyond what could be encapsulated by just the words “romantic love.”

I’ve been grappling a lot lately with what it is I’m not experiencing that other people seem to be. I’m spending so much time just trying to beat back the sadness about it with my bare hands, constantly needing to remind myself that romance is not the pinnacle of the relationship pyramid, but just one way to feel love, and the other ways run just as deep. To say a relationship is not romantic should not diminish it -- it just opens up all these other avenues of intimacy. 

There’s something healing, again, about the way Yuuri talks about the love between him and Viktor; the way he almost bypasses romantic love entirely, references it as an afterthought, just one piece of what he is experiencing. And the way he lumps his new, transformative love for Viktor in with his love of his friends and family... it just soothes a spot in me that’s aching. 

The episode 4 beach scene captures this, too. Viktor tries to get Yuuri to tell him what he wants him to be -- a boyfriend? -- and Yuuri shuts it down. He wants Viktor to be who he is. He doesn’t want either of them contorting into versions of themselves that they think they ought to be in order to fit some prescribed roles. They just are who they are, and they meet each other where they are. 

3) Yuuri’s sexuality is up for interpretation — Yuuri Katsuki is such an ace character, and I don’t even have to mean that literally for it to be true. He gets the honorary ace card, in my heart, because of how his arc makes me feel. But the cool thing is that you could read Yuuri’s sexuality to be pretty much anything except for straight. I don’t have an interest in saying there’s a right answer there.

Personally, I just so appreciate is that they wrote this show with a character who could be read as ace, but for whom that label does not mean he has no sexuality. That was such a rub with me (and I think many others) in coming to accept that label for ourselves. And while I’m sure there are plenty of aces for whom that’s an accurate or resonant way to think of themselves, there are plenty of others who couldn’t see asexuality on themselves until they reframed it — seeing it not as a lack of sexuality, but as a kind of self-contained sexuality. A sexuality that does not need an object of attraction to exist. To those people -- to me -- Yuri on Ice says, “You, too, can be a sexual or sensual being. You don’t need to prove yourself. You can just be.” 

Anyway, that’s just me. What about this character/show resonated with everyone else???

rewatching Yuri on Ice after realizing you’re ace HITS DIFFERENT

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l (part 2)

CLICK HERE TO READ PART ONE

Writing this was a bit harder in comparison to the first part, because I wanted to organize things into a neat timeline, but I ended up not having enough patience for it lol specially because both of ChanBaek's main archive blogs seem to have deleted their pages documenting each date of EXO's early years. Therefore I apologize in advance if this part is a bit more messy. Also, please don't forget that all of this is my opinion and I don't mean for any of it to be taken as truth!

I kind of want to jump from MAMA era directly into Wolf era, since we don't really have a lot of cover regarding their debut phase besides Chanyeol's overeagerness and Baekhyun's awkwardness towards it, so to sum it up, I felt as if Chanyeol was more confident and consistent on what he thought an idol should act like, while Baekhyun (sweet, innocent Baekhyun who was a trainee for less than a year!) was still unsure on how to act on camera.

On the few early variety shows/interviews EXO appeared on, the members always pointed out how funny Baekhyun was, how good he'd be at variety and at doing imitations, but he never really lived up to all the praise on camera, although off of it, he most likely was as good as his members claimed.

He was a bit stiff on his early days in comparison to what we see today, and that's normal, I guess, since he debuted really quickly, but when you compare him to Chanyeol the contrast is so interesting, because the latter was able to latch on to a persona as soon as the public gave him one, while to me, Baekhyun was still doubtful regarding what to put on display. In the end, deep inside, Baekhyun is a private person, and was even more so when he wasn't confident enough to talk to fans like he does today.

Once again, I’m sorry for not being able to upload the gifs directly into the post, so I’ll just link them like I did on my last one.

This is another one of the moments where Baek appears to tell Chanyeol to just. Hold on for a bit.

There's another one similar to this where Chanyeol does the same thing (try to whisper on Baekhyun's ear) and Baekhyun fake laughs and stares at a fan's camera right after. Then, his expression just goes blank. It's really interesting to watch because you can just see the gears spinning on Chanyeol's brain as he stares at Baekhyun for a second and clearly thinks alright, fanservice time, and leans in to whisper something: it happens so fast you just know it wasn't genuine whispering, just a playful interaction for the fans, and Baekhyun's direct stare to the camera as soon as it happens just confirms this for me. 

1: Chanyeol spots his target.

2: He’s really thinking this through.

3: Baek's in a perfect position for whispering-time, so he leans in and does his thing.

4: Baekhyun laughs.

5: And stares directly at a fan's camera.

6: Immediately regrets his life choices. Chanyeol looks pleased.

It's actually better to watch the whole thing, so I'll leave it here. (starts on 0:28!)

(Random note: on this date EXO perfomed a cover of H.O.T's We Are The Future, and I feel like a lot of new EXO-Ls have not seem it and I adore this performance, so I'll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1-z4s3fdgo)

Now let's jump on to Wolf era, shall we?

Wolf era

I can't help but laugh when I think about how wild 2013 was for both EXO and EXO-Ls. They had their first hit song (which was Growl, not Wolf) the fandom grew considerably, shippers where just discovering the cute ISAC moments between "BaekYeol" and "HunHan"... Or at least that's how everyone remembers most of what happened during that year.

Are we forgetting the rumoured ChanBaek fight?

Considering their past interactions on airports, SMTOWN concerts, ISAC and other events, ChanBaek was now widely known to be close to each other. Baekhyun even said Chanyeol was the one who made him open up, and both of them mentioned feeling this "connection" to each other as soon as they met (although jokingly).

After Mama, the fandom was content-less for a considerable period of time, and what most people did was sharing around old performances and repeat overused memes.  I think that in every fandom there is a period where fans establish their main inside jokes and basically just get together to create a collective line of thought for perceiving their idols. That being said, one of the most well established facts in the fandom was that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close. That was a fact.But then Wolf came, and they suddenly were not. 

This gif is a good example of how awkward their interactions were. Not even my delusional shipping brain in 2013 was able to come up with an explanation for it.

They simply did not acknowledge each other at all, and Chanyeol appeared to be closer to Kyungsoo (I think Baekhyun interacted a lot with Tao, but that may have been during the Growl era, not Wolf. As I said before, I'm a Chanyeol stan guys, sorry lmao).

Point is, these two boys who seemed to be best friends suddenly were clearly distant from one another.

What added fuel to the fire of the rumours was their appearance on Sukira, a radio show, where Sehun cried because the members sometimes had fights. Here's a fanacc:

[130530] EXO at Sukira

Sehun cried because the members sometimes fight.

Sehun: "Let's be loyal to each other, don't fight, and go until the end"

D.O: "We've been under a lot of stress lately because of the comeback, so I wish we won't fight in the future and do our best"

Here's a video cut of this part of their interview. 

I think this ask on lets-talk-baekyeol, a popular ChanBaek analysis blog from back in the day, shows how curious a lot of fans were.

What happened back then?

There's really no answer for that. On my opinion, not even Chanyeol or Baekhyun could give us a concrete answer on it, because I don't think an actual fight happened. For me, it was most likely a personality clash, a disagreement that probably wasn't even voiced out loud, just both of them noticing how uncomfortable things got, if Baekhyun's reactions to Chanyeol's fanservice is any indication. I somehow doubt there was a specific episode that created this distance between them, specially because during Growl, they went back to being friends, although not as touchy on camera as before, as if one of them had established their limits (oh, I wonder who!), but I still have this feeling that all of this was unspoken, because unspoken things seem to be a pattern on ChanBaek's relationship (something I'll touch on later, hopefully).

But it was during Growl era that I noticed something else about Baekhyun.

Wolf era

EXO'S Showtime was a such a gift. I recommend reading lets-talk-baekyeol's blog for this. I don't really agree with everything they say they do present a lot of relevant points. I may repeat them here, since I noticed them myself as well, but credits for them nonetheless.

I remember finding the lack of ChanBaek interactions during the episodes really dissappointing, but considering the Wolf Era drought, this was better than nothing.

My 13 year old self was devastated when Baekhyun appeared so quiet during Chanyeol's birthday episode, and during a recent rewatch of it, I think realized why.

Baekhyun doesn't like superficial things. It's not that Chanyeol is insincere, but he's just better than Baekhyun is at handling people pleasing, even when he doesn't really mean what's he saying/doing. The Chanyeol birthday episode was heavily centered on Chanyeol's random admiration for Kai, which I think we can all agree that it was a little bit scripted or a really spur of the moment thing that they just ran along with and oh man. Baekhyun did not want to be part of it.

During ChanKai's hug, this is what he looked like on the background, and the poor boy even refused to eat cake. He's just in the back, which is weird, because he's such a talkative person and Chanyeol is one of his closest friends. The only moment where he seems to be genuinely comfortable is when Chanyeol blows the candle and it's really cute. To me, it seems that he was kind of embarrassed to witness so much acting from everyone else and was unable to participate because he struggles with things like this, but the moment Chanyeol blows his candles to comemorate his birthday seems sincere enough for him to fondly smile.

This ties in so well with everything from Mama Era. He's just unable to keep acting/people pleasing on the same easy way that Chanyeol does, but this time he's not as nervous about it as he was on his earlier-early days, where he probably felt pressured to actually do stuff. Now he just doesn't do **it, he just doesn't do something that he dislikes doing, and that sadly creates a distance between them on camera and probably on a deeper level in their relationship as well, because both are just realizing how different their perceptions over their jobs is.

There's also this moment that the mods on lets-talk-baekyeol pointed out.

On the Christmas episode, when the members leave the couch to go get their presents, Chanyeol stays seated while Baekhyun gets up to fetch his. This is the sitting arrangement before (almost) everyone got up:

But when Baekhyun comes back, there's free space next to Chanyeol, however he's hesitant to sit by his side. He actually hesitates and doesn't sit down. Jongdae even gives him a little push right after.

Baek just seems hesitant to do things on camera, to interact with Chanyeol in front of an audience. For this moment, I feel like he's afraid to sit next to Chanyeol and end up having to over act. It's not that Chanyeol himself makes him uncomfortable, but the image of the friendship that they ended up creating for fans demands a lot from him.

And when I say hesitant to do things on camera, I really do mean it, because when Baekhyun thinks he is not being recorded/seen, here's what he does:

Here and here.

Their relationship clearly changed, and I think the reason for it is actually simple: both of them were under the impression that they were compatible with each other when they actually were not. Their personalities are extremely different, even if the way they present themselves is sometimes similar. Wolf and Growl era was our way, as fans, of watching them navigate around each other and finding out how their relationship was supposed to work.

And you know what's nice about that? The members watched all of it unfold. Their reactions to some of ChanBaek's interaction is a gold mine when it comes to analyzing them, because they clearly know, just as we do, that their relationship is kind of complicated. But I want to talk about it on the next part.

I am sorry for cutting this off again! I don't know if the next part is going to be the last, because after Growl there's Overdose and we all know what happened on 2014 [coughs] dating scandal [coughs] god help me I don't want to talk about it [coughs] so there's a lot to uncover and I need time to organize stuff.

Thank you for reading!

[along-came-atsushi]

The way Dazai protects Atsushi

When we imagine someone who is protective, mostly it is a person who bursts into a fit of rage or someone who heroically and willingly throws away their own life if it means to protect others. A good example for this would be Kunikida’s actions on several occasions. Dazai is less a person to obviously show rage or to heroically throw himself in front of someone.

Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all, it’s quite the contrary. And it’s sometimes very subtle and tricky, because he always has plans within plans and tries to achieve several goals with a single plan.

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I will only focus here on Dazai’s actions that solely have to do with Atsushi. I’m not going to bring up every single hidden agenda or goal Dazai is also trying to achieve.

In addition, this post has been tagged as #Dazatsu just to be safe. But of course it can be read from a platonic POV.

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Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83 and for 55 Minutes!

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How Dazai gets Atsushi into the ADA

Dazai practically tricked and then it may seem like he pressured Atsushi into joining the ADA, even after Atsushi already said that he doesn’t want to join:

The reason for Atsushi’s refusal was not that he didn’t want to join, because he just simply didn’t want to join. But because he lacks the self-confidence in taking a task like this. He doesn’t believe in himself and his abilities and thinks he isn’t fit for the job. This lack of self-confidence together with the fact that Atsushi constantly gets pushed by either people around him or his circumstances to keep relying on himself rather than others runs like a red string through his story.

Dazai on the other hand sees a great potential in Atsushi. In the moment where Atsushi saved him from drowning, he already planned to team him up with Akutagawa. Not only because of their abilities and their compatibility in battle. But because Atsushi would be the person to “teach Akutagawa how to put that sword away”. In other words: to value life. Which is something that Dazai wasn’t able to teach Akutagawa (I covered this in another meta and won’t explain it here any further).

Another reason is that the things Dazai states above are simply the truth: If Atsushi doesn’t join, then there is nothing the ADA can do to help him (or it would be much harder and complicated for them). He needs to do everything a normal adult in society has to do, which is harder for Atsushi than other people, since he has been abruptly kicked out of his orphanage without any further help or assistance. Not to mention that he is perceived as a monster and not in control of his own ability, and therefore a wanted criminal and dangerous ability user. This could lead Atsushi in either getting killed or falling into the hands of other shady organizations who have far worse intentions for him. Saying the above is less Dazai trying to manipulate Atsushi and more him just telling what would happen and to be realistic.

Having Atsushi join the ADA for Dazai does not only help Atsushi to live a safer life and make it easier for Dazai to keep an eye out for him, but also to give Atsushi the chance to safe other people in the progress.

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The Entrance Exam

Since Atsushi refused there was no way for Dazai to have him join the ADA the easy way and then only later testing if he really was worthy of being a true member. Just like it has been the case with Dazai’s entrance exam (Dazai freely joined the ADA after being recommended and was perceived as a new member immediately. Only during his first case with Kunikida was he secretly being tested of being worthy, which he succeeded). Therefore, a plan under a pretext was needed in order to test Atsushi and convince him to join.

During the ADA’s meeting for planning Atsushi’s entrance exam (which is told in the first part of the ‘Untold Story of the ADA’ novel) Dazai anticipated that Atsushi would either convince the bomber (played by Tanizaki) or somehow defuse the bomb himself. Neither of his predictions happened, instead Atsushi was willing to sacrifice himself so that he could protect others. This selfless action honestly surprised Dazai, which not many people are able to achieve, because he always predicts their actions:

Since it’s been hinted by Dazai that he already lost other people close to him in his life, even before Ango’s betrayal and Odasaku’s death, Atsushi’s action probably could’ve served as a trigger for him. He had to realize that there is a possibility that Atsushi would sacrifice himself to protect others. Especially since he doesn’t deem his own life as worthy and has been told many times to be useless and to “just die in a ditch somewhere.”

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“Stalking” Higuchi

Dazai immediately recognized Higuchi to be a PM member and that she’s contacting the ADA under disguise for ulterior motives. The scene with Higuchi is a good example that Dazai does many things which either annoys other people (flirting with her) or are seen as him just being lazy and/or fooling around (listening to music and singing), while in reality he is already following a hidden plan.

Flirting with Higuchi distracts her and everyone else from Dazai slipping a wiretap in her jacket. It helps him to let everyone just act naturally without the possibility of revealing anything by accident. Furthermore, it makes people underestimate Dazai, because for everyone else he was just fooling around.

Due to the reason that the PM contacted the ADA under disguise as soon as Atsushi was their new member could have been already suspicious for Dazai, suspecting that it has something to do with Atsushi and was not just a regular attack on the ADA. Later on, this gets confirmed when it’s been stated that The Guild set a bounty on Atsushi for some reason.

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Is Dazai following Atsushi around?

When Atsushi accompanies Ranpo on his murder case Dazai surprisingly shows up:

This meeting could be just a coincidence, of course. After all it’s just Dazai fooling around again (or in this case, trying to commit suicide again). But since the case with Higuchi has shown that Dazai loves to pretend to do something else, when he in reality is following a hidden agenda, it might be that he showed up there on purpose. Maybe just to see how Atsushi was faring and to eventually intervene if something serious would happen (like he did when Atsushi and Akutagawa were fighting for the first time). Especially with the PM on Atsushi’s tail now.

In chapter 84 it has been revealed that Dazai indeed does have an eye on Atsushi. When he can’t do that himself anymore, he makes sure to ask Akutagawa to keep an eye on him instead:

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Going far for Atsushi’s sake

After getting to know about the bounty, Dazai lets himself get captured by the PM on purpose, without informing any other ADA members, and stays inside the prison until seemingly a right time draws near. He is willing to do this, even though he knows full well that he is perceived as a traitor and that certain people will not welcome him with open arms.

When Chuuya mentions that he suspects that Dazai must be here for a certain reason, Dazai then states that he does all of this mostly for Atsushi. He even goes so far as to provoke a second punch in the face from Akutagawa, by belittling him in saying that Atsushi is a better subordinate than him, after Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi.

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Probably the most visible scene where Dazai openly shows anger and shock towards someone hurting Atsushi (or hurting someone he cares about in general) is during the incident with Q:

He doesn’t act like this again the second time when Atsushi brings him the doll to nullify Q’s ability, even though the whole city is in chaos. He’s also less concerned about Naomi and Haruno in that moment and more focused on Atsushi during this. Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all for others, knowing that Naomi and Haruno are able to handle their situation (which is confirmed by them later). But it also shows that Atsushi is his main priority.

Throughout the story Atsushi slowly notices this himself. At first he is hesitant to believe that he is Dazai’s “most trusted subordinate” and worries that Dazai might be mad with him should he go overboard with something (e.g. during 55 Minutes when he was able to surprise Dazai who was hiding in the trash can).

He only ever claims to have Dazai’s trust, if it means to provoke Akutagawa (which he does for a different reason, but I’m not going to expand on this here). Later, he even wonders how Dazai would react/look if Akutagawa came back with the news of him having died: 

Which means that Atsushi’s former mentality of people not caring should he die gets replaced by having someone actually be mad/sad about this.

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Hiding his “dark side”

It may not be that visible in the anime, since some scenes are either left out or interpreted for the sake of jokes. But the manga makes it clear that Dazai struggles with guilt because of his own past (e.g. when Atsushi asks the other ADA members what they’ve done before joining the ADA, aside from everyone else Dazai looks away. This suggests that this question and the closely related memories of it are uncomfortable for him. Another example is his reaction when he asks Kyouka how many people she has killed).

Dazai is well aware that he can’t hide his past from Atsushi forever and that he sooner or later will find out. This is then almost immediately revealed to him by Akutagawa.

However Dazai still tries to hide his “dark side” from Atsushi. Apparently, he doesn’t want him to see that he’s capable of being cruel or that Atsushi may become too aware of anything that could reveal more of Dazai’s past and the things he has done. During certain situations Dazai purposefully doesn’t let Atsushi go or stay with him:

1.) When he pushed Atsushi out of the room to “interrogate” Kouyou:

2.) When he pretended to need to use the bathroom, because he knew they were being followed:

3.) When he meets Ango:

(Even Kouyou comments on how Dazai lets Atsushi out of certain business.)

The reasons for this may be that he’s afraid to reveal this “dark side” of him to Atsushi and that he doesn’t want to drag him into the business of the underworld. It could also be that he’s afraid that Atsushi might see him in a different light and that he’ll turn deprecating towards him. As of now Atsushi doesn’t know the full extent of Dazai’s past and actions. But due the fact that he’s aware that Dazai was a former PM member (an executive even), he must also be aware that some answers will be frightening. Furthermore, he must also already have some ideas about Dazai’s past.

Throughout the story Atsushi has been shown to be sympathetic with different characters, trying to understand their actions or the reason that drives them. Even when these characters fought against or tried to kill him in the past (Kyouka, Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald, Sigma). Therefore, I doubt that Atsushi will see Dazai in a different/negative light, should his past be fully revealed. But this is something Dazai may not anticipate, since he doesn’t see himself as a good person and as someone worthy of redemption.

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Dazai believes in Atsushi

Dazai has an overwhelming believe in Atsushi and his abilities. He reassures and compliments him from the very beginning:

“Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast!” [After being send back in time] “Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown Atsushi!” – 55 Minutes

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“Oooh!” Dazai squealed in excitement. “Look at you, Atsushi! Impressive!” – 55 Minutes

Contrary to Atsushi, who struggles to acknowledge his own self-worth and has little to no faith in his own abilities.

This is the reason why Dazai sometimes pushes Atsushi (not only literally but also figuratively) to do things on his own, whenever he realizes that Atsushi is hesitating. He’s throwing him in at the deep, in order for Atsushi to learn more self-confidence:

He sends him on several missions alone (e.g. sneaking into the Moby Dick) or with other people (e.g. Akutagawa), because he knows that Atsushi is able to do this, even without him:

“[…] It’s up to you to prove the detective agency’s innocence and set us free. You can do it, right?” Atsushi knew – Dazai only asked people if they could do it when he was certain they could. – 55 Minutes

Atsushi’s actions get firmly planned into Dazai’s predictions, knowing that he will choose the right decision:

This great believe in Atsushi gets also noticed by other people (e.g. Mark Twain and Akutagawa):

.

In return

Dazai’s positive influence on Atsushi also has a positive effect on his psyche: The headmaster’s voice and image inside his mind – the person who always drags him down, tells him to be useless and that he will “not make it” – slowly gets replaced by Dazai’s voice and image – the person who cheers him up and tells him to believe in himself:

It’s no doubt that Dazai was the person who helped Atsushi to live a better life and he is perceived as “the man who saved me” by Atsushi himself. For this reason and his self-confidence Atsushi admires Dazai and is grateful to him.

But on the other hand, Atsushi was also willing to save Dazai despite his dire situation. Not only does Atsushi put Dazai on a pedestal, it is also Dazai who puts Atsushi on a pedestal and who sees him as the person able to help, protect and maybe even change others.

[theyarebothgunshot]

jib 7 breakdown and analysis 

a little while ago i said that i am open to requests for making analysis posts when it comes to cockles panels and just cockles in general, and i got quite a few responses. the first person who asked me was my lovely tea anon, and the panel in question is jib 2016 aka jib 7. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

standard disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. my recommendation would be to watch the panel in its entirety alongside my comments. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

the overall vibe that this panel gives me is that jensen and misha are a unity at this point. they are in sync with each other, and this whole panel is very relaxed and in good spirits. there is also the fact that their outfits match very well. and with jensen ross ackles involved, that cannot be a coincidence, so i love that a lot. 

another thing that i cannot ignore is that it’s also a very sexual panel, with a lot of double meanings and innuendos and remarks that can be read as sexual if you are as pervy as me. 

now let’s get into the specifics. 

although i am sure this is not going to be news for any of you, i feel like a little background knowledge is in order. before this panel, misha had had a panel that day with j*red. the mishalecki panel was really fucking funny and filled with sexual innuendos. 

between these two panels, it appears that there was a break in which they all had nothing to do (i am basing this off other people’s experiences and reports that i have read in the past, as i unfortunately wasn’t there myself).

considering how this panel goes, i think there is a good chance that jensen and misha just had sex beforehand. and based on both of their demeanors, one could draw certain conclusions about who did what (i honestly don’t like talking about who tops and who bottoms because who gives a shit and things are rarely that black and white, but all i’m gonna say is that even though jensen has joked about his asshole before, jensen and misha clearly said switch rights).

from the very first second. the VERY FIRST SECOND. jensen is sauntering on stage like he is thee man. then the crowd is cheering ‘one more time’, and jensen looks at misha, starts cheering too, and makes a movement that is bordering on obscene before waving it away. conclusion: ‘one more time’ could also mean ‘one more round of hot steaming sex’ and he still had sex on the brains, so that was what he was thinking about. 

ahhh, the intricate ritual [1m34s] of greeting each other on stage as if you haven’t spoken to each other all day, even though you probably just had sex….. jensen ackles, i wanna study you. i wonder what the deal is with that. does he just like to pay misha extra attention on stage? does he revel in the fact that he knows that fans like this sort of interaction? can he just not help himself? questions that keep me up at night. 

also, there is just SOMETHING about the way jensen says ‘i’m doing well how are you?’ it’s almost flustered? borderline shy? and then he goes on to say that he did an impression of misha earlier, in a manner that’s just so flirty. idk guys. it’s flirty. kindergarten flirty, but flirty nonetheless.

misha, of course, immediately turns his entire body towards him. almost as if they both already forgot there is an audience in front of them. then he just gets closer and closer to jensen, for no reason whatsoever except for the pure magnetic pull they have on each other. pray4misha.

i think it is a testament to how in sync they are that misha immediately realises that jensen mentioned bicycle touring during his ‘impression of misha’, and i love the moment where jensen puts on an accent (something that misha normally does) and goes ‘is like sport’ and misha laughs and goes ‘is very similar to sport’ and they both lose it. idk, i feel like that might be a sort of inside joke to them as well. 

this might be slightly reaching, but hear me out: right away, jensen goes: ‘oh by the way, sore?’ why would he say ‘by the way’? what is he thinking about when he says that? is it about ‘is very similar to sport’? because i could totally see them having sex and refering to it as ‘well that’s kind of like a sport’, as an inside joke. it works. i’m just saying!!! 

look. i know this back and forth has been discussed to death. we all know that the implication is that jensen fucked misha and misha is kind of stunned that jensen actually goes there. so stunned that he repeats it: ‘sore? am i sore?’ almost as if to stall a bit in his response. yikes. 

i think that it’s fair to say that this is something jensen enjoys doing: riling misha up on stage. because a lot of the time, misha has the upper hand on stage (probably also in the bedroom but that’s another conversation), but sometimes. sometimes jensen just can’t help but throw a lil oil onto the fire. (see also: underbear panel, throwing himself on stage to get straddled, etc). 

misha goes on to say that ‘after the panel with j*red’ he is quite sore. you can take that at face value, and think ‘oh so he is joking around that the panel with j*red made him sore haha’ or you can see a little bit of the truth shine through: literally after that panel, something happened that made him sore. it’s always easier to lie when you are bending the truth.

i actually can’t believe i never connected the dots before, but when misha deflects and says ‘oh you’re talking about the bike riding’ jensen is quick to say: ‘oh no i was talking about what just happened’ but instead of pointing at the stage (which is where the previous panel took place) he is gesturing to backstage. i mean…. way to feed into my ‘they just had sex backstage’ theory, jackles. thanks for that. 

i cannot get over the way jensen is looking at misha throughout this whole ordeal, but especially when he goes ‘you heard it here first, folks’ and misha walks up to him. THAT FACE. fuck him. he’s so gone. 

sidenote: i have never wished to be able to read lips as much as i have since i have stumbled upon these two morons, because i WISH i could see what misha is mouthing to jensen. i know there is some spec that he might have said ‘i am a little bit’ (aka he is a little bit sore) and i could see that, but i just want to know for sure. and even though i have seen people state that jensen would have already known about the panel with j*red, i think it’s possible misha hadn’t filled jensen in yet, seeing as they probably were doing something other than talking. 

let me take this moment to tell y’all about one of my jenmish theories, and that is: i think that jensen sometimes is overprotective of misha and that can come across as jealousy when it’s actually just worry. and i think this panel is a good example of that.

misha says [4m25s] that in italy they call come influence and jensen just. straight up looks at misha like ‘what the fuck did you do, what mess did you get yourself into this time?’ this is another reason why i believe he actually didn’t know about what happened during that panel yet: the reaction looks very authentic. you see his eyes shift from one side to the other and back again, as he is trying to process it. and honestly when you look at misha, his face goes through this journey of ‘this is funny’ to ‘shit is this maybe going a bit too far?’ and ending on ‘okay wrap it up wrap it up’. this is further solidified by the fact that jensen starts to mime digging a grave (aka ‘digging your own grave’).

misha tries to ‘change the subject’ by saying cas is the bottom in the implied relationship with sam and jensen immediately brings it back to sports. see what i meant when i said that they are tying sex and sports together? here jackles goes again, doing exactly that. for no reason whatsoever. (except to once again proof my point). 

WHY [5m50s] do they both burst out laughing at ‘tight end’ why why why i don’t wanna know but why why also quick reminder of ‘are you sore at all’ help i am just. EVERY DAY they are making me perceive things and connect dots and i do not like it. anyways i’m not saying that this is all very graphic stuff about their sex lives but i’m also not not saying it, you feel? jensen’s face says it all tbh. on a more wholesome note: i love the fact that they basically wanted to say ‘we should take questions’ at the same time. again: in sync. 

when the first person to ask a question said ‘this is a serious question’ misha goes to explain to jensen that that was a joke during his panel with j*red, another reason to believe that he hadn’t told jensen about the panel yet. jensen’s face there…. heart eyes motherfucker. 

i really don’t see enough people talk about the ‘safe word’ [6m38s] bit. jensen is the one to bring it up ‘so we should probably establish a safe word at this point. mine is keep going.’ misha laughs, and then realises what jensen has said, and (here comes my dom/sub truthing) teases jensen by saying ‘what is your safe word?’ to which jensen replies ‘keep going’ but LOOK at jensen’s face after he says that. he shakes his head with a little smirk and looks at misha with such a knowing look in his eyes that says ‘you fucker you know damn well what my safe word is’ and he actually does a double take and immediately rolls his eyes at himself after that. it’s all very quick but it’s far from subtle and i am here for it. 

i fucking love this next part because when the person says ‘a real story about the real jensen and the real misha’ they both are just like ‘yes okay’ but as soon as they say ‘that you have never told anyone before’ jensen just looks down and moves his head as if to say ‘what the hell am i supposed to come up with then’ lmao it’s really funny, and they end it with: ‘to know you a little bit better’ and guys (gn) i beg of you to look at the way they look at each other here. [7m24s] jensen is just like ‘help wtf should we say to this’ and misha just smiles down at him fondly like ‘sigh our fans really want us to talk about our relationship and as much as we would love to share stuff we just can’t’.

when misha says ‘we have to dust off some of those stories that we usually try not to tell other people’, something comes to mind: the ‘3 least ordered items on the menu’ story, that jensen shared a year after this at honcon. i honestly think that maybe they started to talk about what else they could share with the public, after this panel, because they get similar questions like this one all the time. either that or jensen just thought about what he felt comfortable sharing, without talking to misha about it, and decided to tell that story. 

i also absolutely love when they say ‘this is a serious question’ at the same time. AGAIN: IN SYNC!!!

‘i actually have a voice for you’ jensen can you please tell me why this sounds flirty and charming while you are actually about to make fun of your husband? i hate you (no i don’t) the fact that misha immediately knows what will happen, says a lot.

then jensen says: ‘dust off an old story for uhh..’ and burst out laughing. i swear to god i’d give my left pinkie to know what came to mind and what he whispered into misha’s ear. and i’m left handed. but i think we can all agree that whatever jensen said, it was something sexual, seeing as misha goes ‘nope’. those fuckers (affectionate).

something that i have mentioned in the past is that jensen always sort of ‘jokey’ goes ‘oh shit’ whenever misha says he’ll share something personal/private about them. i mean. jensen, it would be less sus if you didn’t respond. just giving you some pointers here, bro. because misha almost never shares something strange, it’s actually your reaction that makes me go ‘hmmmm.’ this time he even gets kind of elaborate breathing?? [10m27s]

oh to be a fly in clif’s car… honestly, the things clif must have heard and witnessed lmao. he clearly knows what is up between them (has made enough remarks about thinking that misha would be the bottom and that misha on his knees was nothing new for me to see that he absolutely knows.) 

this isn’t really important when it comes to cockles but they talk a bit about j*red’s internet dispute with at&t and jensen goes ‘oh they know’ gesturing to the audience. so clearly, jensen is well aware of the fact that fandom gets involved whenever something happens online with any one of them. just. thought that is an interesting fact. just in general. also love how i can tell that they both think j*reds crusades are bullshit (as they should). 

there is something really cute [14m13s] about the way misha goes ‘do you want your apple juice?’ and jensen goes ‘yeah!’ it sounds so domestic and mundane and i just. god i love them so much. 

i know we talk about jensen’s heart eyes a lot. but y’all. look [14m52s] at misha right here. he’s SO in love.

the thing that strikes me about jensen putting on ‘that voice’ for misha is that misha is honestly not bothered by it at all, but i think if the shoe was on the other foot, jensen would definitely be bothered. i don’t know what conclusion to draw from that but i just thought that is interesting. i always laugh at that bit, though, they seem to have so much fun.

i REALLY wanna know how jensen got from ‘will you dance for us?’ to ‘no but i’ll tell you what, misha and i will write a song for you real quickly.’ it’s such a fast transition that i am tempted to think that this was something he had been thinking about for a while now. he just wanted his mish to sing a song. and that warms my heart.

if you think i will ever get over how soft jensen is here… ‘you’re smart, you think on your feet, you make brilliant videos, put them on facebook, write amazing texts (*coughs* poems) and tweets and stuff, go ahead. spit out some lyrics, big guy.’ there is not one single thing about this that i do not adore. an ode to misha!!!! so casually!!! fuck. it might be true that if you want jensen to do something, you get misha to ask him, but it’s certainly also true the other way around.

the way jensen just. stares [19m02s] at misha, trying to get inspired by him, trying to feel out what cords to play. yeah. the way misha stands up but instinctively turns to jensen when he starts to sing. yeah. and then during the remainder of the song, he keeps on turning to jensen even though he faces the audience. and jensen loved it all. it’s so sweet. idk why but it just is. jensen just wanted his babe to thrive and get the love he deserves. 

aaaand in comes the dom shake [20m37s]. we love to see it. jensen just keeps on looking at mish. almost gets lost in it. touches his inner thigh (one of his habits, which he does a lot around misha or when talking about misha). 

i think it’s very interesting that jensen’s reaction [22m11s] to the question if he thinks dean will ever find a way to have a romantic relationship and to find himself in between normal and supernatural, is to immediately looks at misha. like? what was the reason? did he expect misha to answer a question that wasn’t about cas but about dean? did he think he should maybe answer it in a destiel-like manner? was he worried that the fan was hoping for a destiel-like answer and was he looking at misha to gauge what he thought was a smart way to respond? so many questions. 

i think it’s pretty interesting that jensen was very aware of the fact that people did not wanna see dean end up with a huntress lmao. he absolutely was aware of so many fandom things.

when jensen said that misha just crossed the line [23m40s], it’s another example of how jensen is ultra aware of what misha says and how it could get him into trouble and by the sounds of it, misha knows that as well but he just can’t always stop himself in time. from what we can see, he often realises just after he has already said something (when it is already too late).

listen. the fact that misha says ‘when harry met sally’ BEFORE the question was even finished, and jensen LAUGHS, like??? that panel was 5 years ago at that point. it clearly made a lot of impact on the both of them (jeez i wonder why, could it be because misha faked an orgasm and jensen got excited? hmm. who knows.) 

i think the dance portion is so fucking hilarious i’m wheeeezing. literally. they are just moving randomly AND YET THEY STILL SORT OF ARE IN SYNC? amazing.

you wanna know what i find really cute? the fact that jensen has such a soft spot for the resume off. part of me thinks it’s because they had a resume off in both 2012 and 2013. 

and jib 2012 took place during the famously rumored break up period. i wouldn’t be surprised if jib 2013 was that much more special to him because they finally got to make it right again. don’t look at me i’m getting emotional (on that note…… i might wanna write something about the break up period at some point. but idk. i mean. it’s a lot to delve into especially since i wasn’t in the fandom back then but. it compels me. we’ll see i guess.)

okay i know i keep saying this but they are SO in sync, as soon as they talk about photo ops and jensen goes ‘and to dab a little salt in the wound’ misha knows what he is gonna say, and they stand up together to demonstrate what happened. AND they both go ‘that’s not the punchline’ they are husbands. 

misha and jensen have both “twirled away laughing” in the EXACT same manner during this panel: misha when jensen starts to read the script, and jensen right here when misha says ‘what’s it like to be in a successful long running show’. they are mirrors. listen. listen. i know my mind is in the gutter a LOT of the time but like. uhm. there is this moment where they recall a woman saying in the photo op to ‘eat it’ (the string candy she gave to them) and misha says ‘and so we did’ and jensen looks at misha and it is SUCH an incriminating look i mean i don’t wanna be that person but 5 bucks he was thinking about eating misha out i am JUST SAYING. LITERALLY LOOK AT HIS FACE. [28m55s]

misha teases [7m02s] jensen by saying ‘what did you do? did you actually do it on purpose orrrr’ and i think it was to make jensen elaborate on it. which i think is a fucking good way to pull that off when it comes to jensen. cause jensen doesn’t like to brag, which misha knows, so by making that joke he is essentially trying to get jackles to tell the audience more about what he did, without him feeling like he is boasting about himself. and misha looks so pleased when jensen starts talking.

fuck i literally had to pause just now because. jensen says: ‘one of the characteristics of dean that i love to play is that he can bottle those fears up, stash them away, and just go. and uhm… sometimes i wish i could do that.’

this is actually making me a bit emotional because. he took his time saying this. it was a very deliberate move. he wasn’t sorry he said anything or regretted it. he wanted to get that out there. and i just. it makes so much sense if what we all think is actually true. he wishes he could just ignore all his fears and go for it. and it’s not hard to imagine what ‘it’ could be: coming out. whether that be just about his relationship with misha or being attracted to more than women in general, just in any way shape or form. it’s poignant. and misha turns away, but you can see him sigh a little bit. 

the whole bit about “apple juice” is just very cute and i enjoy it a lot. one thing i will say though is that i can kind of spot two tells of jensen: the way his face scrunches up when he is telling a lie that he thinks is clever, and the way he always leaves his chair to pour a drink when a question becomes difficult/hard/too funny to face head on. he has done both of those things time and time again, during panels with misha. just an observation. 

there is this little moment [10m13s] where misha tells the story about how he used to make apple cider with worms and dirt in it and in the end he goes ‘anyways. new england apple cider everyone. highly recommend.’ and jensen echoes that, ‘highly recommend. yeah.’ and of course that could just be a way to joke around and play along with misha but i’d like to think that he has visited misha and they had some apple cider together. just because i like the thought and i can, so. 

how CUTE is it that jensen remembers ‘i’ll just wait here then’, a line cas spoke 7 years prior to that panel, in a scene jensen wasn’t even in. i love it.

jensen slowly shaking his head when misha says ‘fuck’ and apologizing for it has SUCH major ‘excuse my husband’ energy. i love it.

‘i’ve got an idea’ [14m13s] ‘what? let’s do it’ misha imMEDIATELY regretted that lmaooo they are always so aware of double meanings and yet they cannot seem to help themselves. we love to see it. 

can you BELIEVE jensen ‘dance monkey dance’ ackles OFFERED to shamelessly promote a movie they have nothing to do with??? jensen, who hates the fact that they have to play some sort of show on stage, actually wanted to do that with misha??? i’m just- something something if you want jensen to do anything ask misha, but apparently also: if you want jensen to do something get misha involved and he’ll love it. 

and then he has the audacity to say ‘over to the wheel of love.’ i mean. i can’t.

(i don’t necessarily understand what is happening btw but that’s okay, because it leads to champagne. which is fun.)

okay so again apologies for my mind being in the gutter but jensen’s face [16m33s] when he says he is going to explain what [the champagne] tastes like……. hm. help. 

 honestly i just love the whole champagne bit because i love it whenever they get so playful on stage, and them “presenting” the bottle and going all ‘we know what we’re talking about’ ‘we’re kind of connaisseurs’ and the whole english accent bit. say it with me…. in sync. 

jensen popping a champagne bottle is something that can be so personal…. (i’m touch starved and going crazy, leave me alone)

i absolutely love the fact that jensen notices that misha is miming taking off his pants and misha immediately runs to him to explain and jensen just goes full on protective husband mode (YET AGAIN) ‘i turn my back for 2 minutes’ lmao it’s just such old married couple behavior. an old married couple that is horny and deranged, but still. 

i’ve seen the gifset of this moment [24m52s] many a times but i still think it’s so intimate. the way misha looks at jensen and walks backwards with him, for no fucking reason at all. sigh. misha’s hand clenches a little, and honestly i think he would have wanted to reach out to jensen in that moment. pat his arm or his back. and something happens a little while later that only proves my point even more…

that caress [60m5s] is probably one of the most intimate gestures i’ve seen between them. it’s so familiar. so natural. it says a lot.

and that’s the end of the panel. all in all i have to say that i enjoyed rewatching this panel with the analysis goggles on, because it’s really a very different experience and i picked up on a lot more than i did when i watched it just for fun. i think this is one of my favorite panels of theirs (at least until my next analysis lmao) because of the fact that they are so in sync with each other, which goes to show that their relationship was in such a good place (mind you i am only using past tense because i am describing a past panel, not because i think they’re not in a good place right now). this was a lot of fun folks, if you actually read all of this, god bles, you’re the best. see you next time!

[newdougsblog]

The Tragic Hero Full of Fear

Hello everyone! Before I get into this, I’d like to thank @jasontoddiefor​ for both the name and being the main enabler of this fun piece of writing. I also want to thank all my wonderful friends over on Discord for letting me bounce ideas off of them and helping me. You are all amazing!!

Ok, so let’s get into it!

The first six Star Wars movies (the Original and Prequel trilogies) are commonly referred to as “the Tragedy of Darth Vader.”  But what makes these movies a tragedy? How is Anakin Skywalker himself, the main character of said tragedy, a tragic hero? In this meta/essay, I will discuss how Anakin himself is definitionally a tragic hero and outline his story as it relates to the structure of a classic Greek tragedy.  

This essay will focus solely on Anakin’s character as he is canonically portrayed.

The Hero

Let’s go through the main traits of a tragic hero (as per early literature) and discuss them in the context of Anakin Skywalker.

Possesses immense courage and strength and is usually favored by the gods

Anakin’s courage is evident throughout his entire life, such as when he participates in the pod race in TPM or on the front lines during the Clone Wars. 

While we cannot definitively ascribe Anakin’s abilities to any deity, we can associate them with the Force. The Force is able to somewhat influence the happenings of the universe in certain ways and takes the place of any sort of deity.

Whether Anakin is the “Chosen One” or not, his connection to the Force is stronger than that of any other Force-sensitive being, so he is consequently closer to it than most, if not all, other Force-sensitive beings. 

Extreme loyalty to family and country 

Anakin is consistent in his demonstrations of loyalty to those he has strong feelings for (whether those feelings be romantic or platonic).

His devotion to Padmé surpasses his loyalty to the Jedi, and he is always willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety and well-being.

Anakin also exhibits a strong sense of devotion to his mother, Shmi. His devotion to her, and by extension her wellbeing, surpasses his duties as Jedi. 

In ROTS, Anakin says, “I will not betray the Republic… my loyalties lie with the Chancellor and with the Senate… and with you” (you, in this case, referring to Padmé). In this quotation, Anakin’s loyalties are made quite clear. At this point, he is not faithful to the Jedi, but to his government, its leaders, and, of course, his wife.

Representative of society’s current values

During the Clone Wars, Anakin is known by the moniker, “the Hero with No Fear,” and is one of the Republic’s “poster boys.” He is charismatic, kind, seemingly fearless (obviously) and a strong fighter, thus representing the values that were important to the Republic at the time. The last characteristic is especially important because of the assurance it instills in times of war. As a representation of the Republic, Anakin’s prowess on the battlefield creates hope for its citizens that victory is possible. 

Anakin also empathizes with the opinion that the seemingly outdated Jedi Code holds them back. In the Citadel Arc, Tarkin remarks that “the Jedi Code prevents [the Jedi] from going far enough to achieve victory.” Anakin actually agrees with this statement, replying that “[he’s] also found that [the Jedi] sometimes fall short of victory because of [their] methods” (Season 3, Episode 19). He shows a sense of allegiance not to the ancient ways of the Jedi, but to the newer, more modern ideals regarding military action. 

Anakin claims to have brought “peace, justice, freedom, and security” to his “new Empire.” While the Empire's interpretations of the aforementioned values are skewed, Anakin continues to represent them as Darth Vader. 

Anakin’s statement to Obi-Wan also mirrors Palpatine’s declaration to the Senate: “In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years.” The people applaud this statement, demonstrating a general sense of exhaustion in regards to the war and a yearning for what this new Empire is promising them.

Lead astray/challenged by strong feelings

Though there are many, many examples of Anakin’s emotions getting the better of him, we’re simply going to list two:

Anakin’s fury and anguish after the death of his mom leads to his slaughter of the Tuskens

Anakin’s overwhelming fear of losing Padmé is ultimately what leads to his Fall.

Every tragic hero possesses what is called a hamartia, or a fatal flaw. This trait largely contributes to the hero’s catastrophic downfall. Anakin’s hamartia is his need for control, which partially manifests through his fear of loss. 

Let’s explore this idea in more detail. 

Though Anakin grows up as a slave, the movies neglect to explicitly cover the trauma left from his time in slavery. However, it is worth noting that slaves did not have the ability to make many choices for themselves; they didn’t even own their bodies. After being freed, Anakin is whisked away to become a Jedi. He does not possess much control over his life as Jedi, for he is simply told what path he is going to take. While Anakin does make this decision on his own, becoming a Jedi is a disciplined and somewhat-strict way of life and not one that allows for an abundance of reckless autonomy as he is wont to engage in. 

(Side note: I’m not here to argue about Qui-Gon’s decision-making abilities, nor do I wish to engage in discourse regarding the Jedi’s way of life. I am simply presenting and objectively stating these facts in relation to Anakin because they are pertinent to my point.) 

During AOTC, Anakin is unable to save his mother from death. As Shmi dies in his arms, Anakin is absolutely helpless. The situation is completely out of his control, and he is forced to contend with the reality that despite all of his power, he cannot control everything that happens. 

He also feels that he has a larger potential for power and is being held back by Obi-Wan: “although I'm a Padawan learner, in some ways... a lot of ways... I'm ahead of him. I'm ready for the trials. I know I am! He knows it too. He believes I'm too unpredictable… I know I started my training late... but he won't let me move on.” Anakin believes Obi-Wan, his teacher and mentor, is holding him back. He expresses a self-held conviction of his status and skills and does not trust the word of his superior. 

In ROTS, Anakin starts dreaming of Padmé’s death. Considering what occurred the last time he dreamt of a loved one’s demise, Anakin is justifiably (or at least justifiably from his point of view) worried. He consequently wants to stop these dreams from coming true in any way possible. His fear of death, especially that of his loved ones, represents his need for control over everything, even things that are uncontrollable. This overwhelming desire leads to Anakin’s drastic actions.

As Darth Vader, he no longer possesses such fears, for everyone that he loved is either dead or has betrayed him. He is the epitome of order and control, eliminating any who disturb this perceived equilibrium. 

However, this changes because of one person: Luke Skywalker. 

Luke reintroduces something that was (arguably) long-absent in Vader’s life, which is interpersonal attachment. Vader yearns for his son to join him by his side. When Luke refuses, Vader continues to attempt to seek him out. In ROTJ, Vader is forced to choose between the Emperor, a man he has long trusted and followed, and Luke, the son he never knew he had. Out of a desire to protect and keep what little family he has left (and likely a sense of “I couldn’t save Padmé but at least I can save her legacy by keeping her child(ren) alive and safe”), Vader defeats the Emperor and saves his son. Though his actions are definitionally heroic, Anakin never truly overcomes his hamartia. 

The Structure of a Tragedy

Classic Greek tragedies follow a specific story structure, which, according to the German playwright Gustav Freytag, is as follows:

We’re going to focus on the three aspects that best represent Anakin’s story as a tragedy: The peripeteia, the anagnorisis, and the catastrophe/denouement. These occur during and/or after the climax. 

The peripeteia is the climax/the turning point in the plot. Said change usually involves the protagonist's good luck and prosperity taking a turn for the worse. 

Within the tragedy we are discussing, the peripeteia occurs when Anakin chooses Sidious over Mace Windu and solidifies his allegiance to the Dark side, becoming the very thing he swore to destroy. It is at this point that things really start to go downhill. He kills children, chokes his wife, fights his best friend, gets his remaining limbs cut off, etc. 

The anagnorisis is the point in the tragedy when the protagonist recognizes their error, seeing the true nature of that which they were previously ignorant of, usually regarding their circumstances or a specific relationship (such as Oedipus’ realization that his wife was actually his mother). In most tragedies, the anagnorisis is in close proximity to the peripeteia. In Anakin’s story, the anagnorisis occurs during ROTJ. After being wounded in his fight against Luke, Vader watches as his son is brutally electrocuted by Sidious. It is at this moment that Darth Vader realizes that Luke was right—there is good in him, and he still has the chance to redeem himself. 

The catastrophe/denouement (since this is a tragedy, we’re going to go with “catastrophe”) is the end of the tragedy. Events and conflicts are resolved and brought to a close, and a new sort of “normality” is established. The catastrophe often provides a sense of catharsis (release of tension) for the viewer. The protagonist is worse off than they were at the beginning of the tragedy. 

The catastrophe within “The Tragedy of Darth Vader” transpires soon after the anagnorisis at the end of ROTJ. Though the realization of his capacity for good is the anagnorisis, the follow-through (via his actions), as well as what consequently occurs, is the catastrophe. As previously discussed, Vader saves Luke by killing the Emperor but does so at the cost of his own life. This serves as the resolution of the tragedy, for the hero’s fate has been confirmed—Darth Vader fulfills his destined role as the Chosen One and, in doing so, brings about his own redemption and dies as Anakin Skywalker.

In conclusion, the categorization of Star Wars as a tragedy is a choice that heavily influences Anakin, the protagonist and hero, of the story. He is without a doubt a tragic hero whose fatal flaw leads to his downfall. In accordance with Aristotle’s theory of tragedy, Anakin’s tragedy is constructed not by personal agency, but by the narrative itself.

Works Cited

“Darth Vader.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 15 Mar. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darth_Vader.

“Dramatic Structure.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 20 Feb. 2021, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure.

“Hero.” Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica, Inc., 19 Oct. 2016, www.britannica.com/art/hero-literary-and-cultural-figure.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode III— Revenge of the Sith. Lucasfilm Ltd., 2005.

Lucas, George, director. Star Wars: Episode II— Attack of the Clones. Lucasfilm Ltd. , 2002.

Michnovetz, Matt. “Star Wars: The Clone Wars, ‘Counterattack.’” Season 3, episode 19, 4 Mar. 2011.

“Sophocles: the Purest Artist.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Sophocles-the-purest-artist.

“Theory of Tragedy.” Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., www.britannica.com/art/tragedy-literature/Theory-of-tragedy.

“Tragic Hero.” Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/browse/tragic-hero. 

[bored-storyteller]

Oh my, thank you!  Thanks for bringing this to me, I love Sally Face! It's one of my favorite indie games ever! I really hope it meets your expectations.

NOTES: I imagined the more adult Sal, but beyond that there are no other references to the timeline of the original story, except some canonical episodes mentioned.

34- Sally Face - Sal Fisher x Reader

"You can see me"

With a last glance at the clock, you quickly close the water bottle, at the same time grabbing the full glass in the same hand that you also hold the medicine box.

You're pretty sure you find Sal in his room, probably bent over his guitar. Surely it is for that reason that he has not paid attention to his therapy.

It doesn't happen often, in fact, it rarely happens that you have to rush to his rescue, nor do you really like doing it. You don't know how he really feels about it.

Knowing where he keeps his medicines and knowing when he has to take them doesn't make you two a couple. Not even living under the same roof makes you a couple - especially if you are not alone - nor does sharing the same room often and willingly.

In fact, even though someone often mistakes you for two young lovers, you don't really know what Sal thinks of you. As close as you feel him, you are not sure that he feels as close to you; on the other hand, he doesn't seem to share the same kind of intimacy with you that he shares with Larry or Ashley, or at least that's what you think.

Besides, you've never seen his face.

Yours is a purely selfish thought, and you are ashamed of it, but you cannot command feelings.

You know that the first time Larry saw his best friend's face was an accident, with Ash instead, she was the one who took the initiative. In neither case was Sal's will to make him show himself. Yet, despite this deep down, inside you, something stung excruciatingly.

When your friend had lifted his mask, Sal that time was not angry at the intrusiveness - as perhaps you would have done -, nor had he tried to escape later. It is logically normal that he now has less trouble showing himself around them. Sweet Sal, always so loving, so perfect.

You shouldn't feel offended. You know well that for Sal the prosthesis he wears is in effect his face, so it's not that he wants to hide from you, you are simply already seeing him.

Yet you know that under that face another is hidden, however much it may be disfigured. You can't pretend it isn't.

That slight annoyance you have repeatedly tried to ignore has slowly grown, but only now have you dared to call it by name. Because you like Sal. You really like him. And when you have understood this, when you have found the strength to admit it to yourself, everything is put in the right place; the joys, the jealousies you felt and feel… and also that desire to see him, to see beyond, to really see him.

But you'll never force on him for it. As simple as it would be to lift that mask to him with an excuse, you will never force him to show himself to you, even if you die with the regret of never having seen him. It's not the same, it's not the face you want to see, it's the trust you want him to give you. But you can't expect it, and you know it.

You could live with this obsession that has become so present in recent weeks that you can hardly forget it. Maybe it's just your mind that doesn't want to focus on your duties, and then it always wanders to him, aimlessly.

"What is Sal's face like?"

You asked Larry one day without realizing it. You didn't really know what you were doing with him, you just know that for a moment your brain was shut down, and when you woke up you whispered that question.

The astonished look of your friend had poured into you a flood of emotions so sudden that they almost made you cry for no reason: you felt guilty, selfish, reckless, stupid, meddlesome and terribly fragile.

You immediately lowered your gaze to protect yourself, muttering an "sorry, forget it" but never would have canceled that damn question. You thought Larry might misjudge you for that, but instead his big hand pulled you to him, ruffling your hair affectionately, saying nothing.

He seemed to have understood more than you hoped for, yet ...

You shake your head and your hand tightens on the glass of water. You knock on the door and softly call Sal's name.

"Yes?"

His answer comes a few seconds later and you feel safe in opening the door slowly.

It's not exactly what you imagined; he is sitting on the bed, his legs stretched out on the mattress and his back resting against the headboard. The guitar is stored in the case, but in his hands he holds a book with a dark cover.

His kind gaze meets you beyond that face that is always the same. It's amazing how expressive that guy can be under that stiff mask. That damn mask. That lovely mask.

"You didn't take them, did you?"

You ask softly as you lift the medicines to show them. Your voice is cracked against your will, and you're praying he didn't notice.

"Oh ..." his eyes snap to the clock hanging on the wall "thanks, I was completely forgetting about it."

His voice is soft, almost cheerful. He is not bothered by your gesture, or he is very good at hiding it.

You watch him get up to go to the bedside table where you put what he needed. You don't pay much attention to it, you just sit on the bed, picking up the book he was reading, making sure you keep your thumb between the pages, so as not to lose the mark he left.

You read the title and a few lines of the presentation absently. You're just trying to buy time with him, and you know it.

You hear it as he handles the pill box and plastic, and hear the rattle of the straps as they unfasten to release his mouth.

You don't watch it, you're used to the process and now, despite you insisting on staying there, you don't really want to watch it.

You don't understand much about the book, you just know it's about music.

"Do you like it?"

You ask, trying to give a semblance of normality.

"Enough ... actually I'm just at the beginning."

You just nod, not really being able to continue the conversation. Your head feels too full confused, but extremely empty at the same time, and you don't know why.

"Hey ... is everything okay?"

His voice makes you jump, as if he has stung you with a needle. Such a simple question, but you suddenly feel discovered, as if he has just proved he can read your mind. As if you were obliged to tell him the truth.

"Yup!"

You exclaim immediately, and without realizing your head jerks towards him, as if you wanted to assure him of the truthfulness of your words.

You don't notice it right away. You see only his blue eyes for a moment, he is looking at you with concern, more than he should.

At first you wonder if your attitude really is that troubling, but then you start to focus.

His hand trembles slightly around the glass of water, and out of the corner of your eye you can see his mask lying on his pillow.

He swallows the medicine by throwing his head back slightly, perhaps to take a break from your gaze, or to escape a little from the agitation, the fear he is having.

Sal, Sal's face. You are seeing him, free from his hiding place, while he drinks.

Surely he is disfigured, excruciatingly deformed. It's not just a few scratches, it's more, it's a real pain, yet you don't notice it.

Again, this is Sal. You're really seeing Sal's face, the face you've always loved, beyond the mask, like his mask.

He sits next to you, he's trying to act naturally, you see him, but you still see his fingers shaking against the cardboard as he puts the tablet away in the box. He did it for you.

Emotions explode in your chest and you don't bother holding them back. There is no time for any misunderstandings. You are free with him, you always have been, you don't know how you forgot this.

"Sal ..."

You call him softly, and he turns to you despite the hesitation. A light "tell me" sweet and helpful pronounced by the spoiled and shy lips.

Silently, you curl up against him, your arms glide smoothly around his chest, expressing your need to feel him close.

He welcomes you - he always does.

"Hey ..." is a faint call of him, as you hide against his neck to prevent your happiness from going out too violently.

"Thanks..." This is all you can say in your voice damp with emotion. Long last. You are like a child in front of the much desired Christmas present. You are so happy that you could carry the whole world on your shoulders.

"Thank you!" You repeat him with more conviction, and finally your eyes return to his sky-colored gaze. So beautiful, always so loving even in his placid surprise.

He looks at your wet eyes, so wet with affection for him. Your smile is so warm and true, and his lungs slowly empty of all the accumulated tension.

He didn't think anyone could look at him that way, not without his mask. He did not think that a look could be so full of love in front of his disfigured face, yet it seems that you are seeing an angel.

You look at him with your eyes shining with all the admiration you feel, and not because you can lie by saying that you are seeing a beautiful face, but because Sal is the most beautiful person you know.

"I-" His voice tries to say something, but it is cut off; this time it's up to him to be overwhelmed by emotion.

You approach slowly, and the tip of your nose touches his, practically non-existent, but you don't care. You cannot resist the desire to cuddle him, to touch him, to perceive him in every possible aspect of that intimacy that he has decided to give you.

At first he has a little jerk back, of surprise rather than fear, and soon after he is there again, looking for that touch. He is extremely uncertain, but he still responds to your unspoken requests, slowly letting his forehead rest on yours.

He exhales, as if he is releasing a great weight, but he immediately stiffens when you, without realizing it, are approaching his lips.

You wake up immediately from your numbness, before making a probable mistake, and try to get away, at least as long as his arms allow you.

"Please…"

That prayer from him is so feeble yet so meaningful. His gaze asks you to do it, to continue, because he wants it but he is still afraid of taking the initiative. He is putting the responsibility on you, and rightly so.

He is tense, you see it from his swallow and feel it from his tense muscles around you, but it's okay.

You approach again, slowly, gradually lowering your eyelids, a little by instinct and a little in the hope of putting him more at ease.

Kissing him is a special experience, and you like it - you wanted it so much -.

You are not intrusive, it is just a delicate touch, but it persists, leaving him time for him.

When he reciprocates, he does it slowly, unsure of how to proceed, probably troubled by the feelings he can give you or maybe just agitated by the situation. Yet, slowly, you feel it melt against you.

Slightly open your eyes to see that he too has closed them, and then you allow yourself to return to enjoy that moment, more peaceful and serene.

You huddle more, between yourselves, and let the desire flow through you, without going too far, simply enjoying the presence of each other, in your breaths that merge.

When you separate you do it only with your lips, but your gaze remains affectionate and aware.

In the end, that is nothing more than the confirmation of everything: of your knowing what time he should take his medicines and of his letting you know, of his knowing your favorite drink and which shower gel you always use, of cooking one by one. other, of looking so much like a couple for a long time already - and some of it is also the result of Larry's long tongue letting out a few too many words with his best friend.

You watch him as he puts his mask back on, and now you don't care anymore, because you know what's under it, and if that's his face then you've seen his soul.

Suddenly all your happiness is back. You are so happy that not even the bickering between Larry and Todd coming from the kitchen can upset you.

It must be something about the finished milk.

"I'm going to get it!"

You hum loud enough for the two to hear it, as you jump three steps at the same time, happily landing down the stairs.

Sal's laughter reaches you, and you turn to look at him. You like to see him happy, whatever the nature of that happiness.

"I come with you."

He tells you coming to you, reaching out his hand so that you can take it.

You're pretty sure you won't be able to stop smiling all night long.

*The image above is an old drawing of mine

[jadoue1999]

The X-Men and the member they lost (sequel to Wanda and the life she deserved)

Summary: *Important to have read "Wanda and the life she deserved (She'll make sure of it)" at least until chapter 4 or 7 (Though until the end is the best) Sister fic, it goes before, during and after "Wanda and the life she deserved (She'll make sure of it)"* Peter is missing and all they can find is a transmission of a Wanda Maximoff. The team will do what they can to bring their missing member back from whatever this place is. Though someone needs to do the difficult thing and tell Erik that he once again lost his family.

Next parts: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, 

Chapter 1: Missing

Peter was fiddling with his Walkman, switching between songs, he wasn’t sure what he was in the mood for. He finally settled on a random one, not really caring about his choice. He was thinking way too quickly to concentrate on a song anyway. Erik was back at the mansion, he had showed up, unannounced and walked in like he owned the place. Maybe he did, who knew what was going on between him and Charles. He didn’t stay with the students, preferring the company of the professor. The speedster had no idea where he could have gone, it’s not like he could rent a room or a house without immediately being recognized, but the last year seemed to prove the contrary. Though, Peter now faced a dilemma, he could pull off a reverse Darth Vader and tell him he was his son (hopefully without the hand chopping and the rejection) or he could just let it be and not bring it up? Raven would certainly give him death glares if he did nothing. But for now, he was alone and unsure of what to do.

I had a brother

Peter removed his headphones in confusion, what was that voice? It almost felt... familiar?

His name was Pietro

The speedster froze as he heard his name, his birth name. One he hadn’t used since he was a child and his mom decided that having an Americanised name would be easier. The only person that knew it was his mom and-

No, it couldn’t be her, she had died years ago, Wendy couldn’t possibly be calling him. Just as he pushed away his hope, his room was suddenly bathed in a red glow. The very same color of his twin’s magic, or wiggly woos as he liked to call them, had been. He slowly saw a flicker of red light materializing in the middle of his floor. The flicker grew bigger and bigger, and he watched it, entranced by the magic he hadn’t seen in nearly 15 years. He couldn’t look away and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

‘Be with me...’ The voice called out to him again, sounding more desperate. He put his Walkman at his side and stepped out of his bed. On the contrary to the two other times, it hadn’t felt like someone had spoken. It was more of an involuntarily projected thought. Like his sister had sometimes done when she made a nightmare and accidentally projected it to the whole neighborhood. The portal grew bigger, and Peter felt drawn to it. He took a breath, should he follow the voice? No, definitely not. Could it kill him or harm him in any way? Most definitely. Would he let that stop him if it gave him a chance to see Wendy again? No, he had to try.

He took a step forward and was greeted by red lights wrapping over him and dragging him in the portal. He was vaguely aware of the feeling of free falling into an endless void and then Peter knew no more.

...

“Has anyone seen Peter?” Kurt asked as he walked into the cafeteria. He had expected the speedster to be eating his weight in food like he usually did in the morning, but he was nowhere to be found.

“Not sure,” answered Scott, between two bites, “but knowing the guy, he probably took a casual stroll to Europe because he wanted real crepes.”

Jean nodded in agreement and Kurt felt his worries subdue as the teen spoke. It was logical, Peter had done it quite a few times before. He would probably be back in the afternoon with stuff he had liberated and stories about whatever shenanigans he had gotten himself into. He let it go as he sat down next to Ororo and ate his own food, they talked about training and different strategies they could use for the next time they were in the danger room. Once their meal was done, Kurt went to the library, he had some reading to do. He spent the next few hours glossing through various books and accidentally scaring students when he teleported unexpectedly next to them to get a new novel. Diner time was approaching, and the mutant realized that Peter still wasn’t back. Fearing for the safety of his friend, he teleported himself in the main hall, where the professor usually was around that time. As expected, he was talking to Raven. He walked up to him as the professor turned around.

“Are you alright? I can hear your worry without any effort on my part.”

“It’s Peter, I think he’s missing,” declared Kurt with a grave look. The professor shared a glance with Raven before turning his wheelchair around and motioning forward.

“Come with me.”

...

Charles, like any sane human, was very concerned when Kurt shared his worries. He telepathically called the rest of the team to the briefing room, perhaps together they’d be able to solve this mystery. Once everyone had arrived, he filled them in and asked each of them when was the last time they had seen the speedster. Both Ororo and Kurt had seen him at diner the day before and Scott had seen his silver blur when he found himself suddenly covered in silly string and Jean laughing at him. No one had seen or sensed anything anormal about his behavior. Charles had then concluded that Cerebro should be used to try and locate him. Concentrating on the different mutants, he found no trace of him, no one had seen or heard him. No report of unexplainable disappearance of twinkies or records either. He removed the helmet with a sigh and exited the room. His disappointment must have been obvious because everyone suddenly started worrying, their thoughts all meddling in and all about their missing teammate.

“What if we went to check his room? Suggested Raven. “If that’s the last place he was, there might be clues there that might help.”

They all agreed, all hopeful that a logical and harmless reason was behind his sudden disappearance. The walk was a short one and the tension in the air was almost palpable, as if they were all expecting Peter to be sitting on his bed, laughing at them for worrying so much. When Scott opened the door, no such pleasure took place, it was unbearably empty. After combing his room for clues, the only positive thing they could think of was that there were no runaway notes, and the Walkman wasn’t there. That meant that Peter probably left willingly. Charles brought a hand to his face, deep in thoughts, he didn’t notice Jean stepping forward.

“Professor,” she said absently, “there’s this... strange energy.” She walked to the very middle of the room with her eyes closed and her palm stretched open. “Here. Something happened right here.”

The professor wheeled himself to his student and closed his eyes in concentration, trying to feel what Jean was perceiving. He frowned when he sensed nothing, “Are you sure?”

The redhead nodded, “yes, I can almost make out... voices? It’s hard to see.”

The room was quiet, no one seemed to know what to do. That is, until the white-haired teen spoke up. “Cerebro,” Ororo declared. She sighed when everyone looked at her confusedly, “she could show us what she sees with the machine. As far as I know, it amplifies powers.”

The professor looked at Raven, feeling ridiculous for not thinking about it before. He ordered Jean to make sure to keep the connection as everyone walked back to the room that kept Cerebro. They held their breath in anticipation as she put on the helmet and concentrated even harder. For a few seconds, nothing happened. They were about to admit defeat when piano was suddenly heard throughout the room, followed by, what seemed to be a 1950s sitcom. They all watched in silence as the footage unfolded in front of them.

‘Oh, a newlywed couple just moved to town

A regular husband and wife’

Scott snorted at that remark, “sure, a normal couple where the husband needs to hide his face from the neighbors.” Ororo smiled at his joke before focusing on the screen once again.

‘Who left the big city to find a quiet life’

The team froze as the woman made a ‘sold’ sticker appear on the sign at the front of their house. They continued watching as the husband walked through the door, without his bride. He opened it and took her in his arms again, passing through the sofa as the lyrics chanted.

‘WandaVision!

She’s a magical gal in a small-town locale

He’s a hubby who’s part machine

How will this duo fit in and pull through?

By sharing a love like you’ve never seen

WandaVision!’

The song ended with them sharing a kiss and then the episode started. But the group didn’t focus on it, instead, they all looked at Charles for answers as the woman was identified as Wanda Maximoff. Jean paused the transmission, seemingly in control of the broadcast.

“What does this mean? Is she a mutant?”

If he was honest with himself, the professor had no clue, it did look like a normal sitcom, complete with practical effect, but it didn’t make sense. How could the energy responsible for Peter’s disappearance lead to this? The woman couldn’t simply be a normal actress, the very concept of the show was too strange for it to be a coincidence. And then there was her name: Wanda Maximoff. It had to mean something.

“Does...” started Raven, looking as confused as everyone else. “Does Peter have a sister named Wanda?”

Jean got up from the chair as she removed the helmet. “He did mention a sister, but she’s about ten years younger, her name was Lorna, I think?”

Ororo and Kurt nodded in agreement. Still, that didn’t answer the question. Who was this Wanda and what role had she played in Peter’s disappearance? Or did she have nothing to do with it and she was a victim as well? They decided to continue the broadcast, perhaps playing it would reveal some answers.

They quickly learned that it truly was a stereotypical 1950s sitcom, minus all the magic. The classic misinterpreted conversation gag was the main plot point, which lead to a strange encounter with the husband’s boss. It also turned out that the android, Vision as he called himself, could change his appearance to look human. They all felt uneasy as the couple was questioned about their past, the boss getting angrier and angrier. Suddenly, he began to choke on something, and the camera plans became all wrong and the wife kept telling her husband to stop being silly, but he continued choking. Nobody seemed to be able to do anything. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the robot saved his boss, which apparently marked the end of scene for these two characters. They left quickly which both Wanda and Vision were relived about. Interestingly, they constructed their past and the episode ended.

As the credit rolled, the team was meet with a thousand questions and not many answers. Everyone was silent, but Charles could feel their thoughts racing through their heads, they were all confused.

“So... they’re all trapped?” Intervened Ororo. “Because it was obvious that neither Wanda or Vision had any idea what they were doing there and what their past was.”

The professor let his eyes examine the credits, it truly made no sense. They were only credited as their character names, did that meant that they were playing themselves? They didn’t seem forced to love one another, but they did seem on the run from something. Perhaps the creepy commercial had something to do with whatever danger they were escaping.

Kurt’s voice was what broke him from his thoughts. “Are there any other episodes?”

Jean sat down again and put the helmet back on, clearly exhausted from the previous episode. She concentrated for a few seconds before shaking her head.

“I can’t see anything, but I might just be tired.”

She removed the helmet and Scott held out a hand to help her up. Everyone walked back to their own room, promising to start searching for solutions in the morning.

...

It had been a few days since the first episode had been discovered. Hank had made adjustments to the machine so it could be broadcasted at any time and without the need for Jean to be there. He also made sure that they would be alerted if another episode were shown. The scientist had also been the one to suggest that they should be tracking the signal to its source. Perhaps this Wanda woman could lead them to their missing teammate. The only downside was that he needed Jean to work with him since she could feel the energy and determine if it was the right frequency.

That’s what the pair were doing, under Charles supervision, when the screen surrounding Cerebro suddenly light up. He mentally called the others, and they were in the room just as the episode started. Nothing much happened other than the magic show, and a bad cut when the radio glitched. There were also the creepy cultish way people kept repeating “for the children” but it might have been 60s idea of humor. Other than that, everything seemed fine. They were now back at their house when the woman got up and was suddenly pregnant.

“I might be behind on the human body,” interrupted Kurt, clearly lost, “but doesn’t it take longer than a few minutes for a baby to grow that size?”

Charles kept looking at the screen, he was now convinced that this woman wasn’t just a normal human. A banging outside the couple’s house frightened them and they ran outside. The X-Men watched in astonishment as a beekeeper slowly emerged out of the sewers under the scared eyes of the pair. When the unknown man suddenly turned his head, the professor watched in stunned silence as the camera was once again in the woman’s face, who seemed more determined than ever.

“No,” Wanda said.

There was a rewind effect, and the couple was back in their living room, acting as if nothing happened. Then the screen changed from black and white to full color. The team was surprised to see the man was bright red and the woman had hair a similar shade to Jean. The episode ended with them watching tv. Nobody talked for awhile, they weren’t sure what they just witnessed. Was the woman aware of what was happening? If she was trapped, it was obvious she had a certain control over her environment. Could it be a prison that she was kept in for everyone’s safety? How was Peter involved with this woman?

“What are your theories?” Asked the professor to his surrounding students.

“I think she’s the one controlling it,” intervened Scott. “The rewind showed us that much.”

“Yeah, but she was just as lost last episode, what if she got trapped there by accident and acts on instinct to protect herself?” Raven argued.

“I don’t think it’s just a show,” interrupted Hank, walking forward to the commands. He was looking over the part where the radio had glitched, playing the part just before the bad cut. “There’s someone calling to her. I think we might be viewing a parallel universe.”

Scott stepped in closer to Jean and took her hand, making sure she was alright before turning to Hank. “A parallel universe? Is that even possible?”

Charles sighed, “we don’t know the extent of this woman’s power, perhaps she is able to broadcast her life without knowing it.”

A sudden gasp from Jean made everyone turn to her. She was grasping her head in pain, using Scott as a way to stabilize herself. “There’s another transmission!” She screamed as the screens lit up once again.

They were now in the 70s, both of the couple’s hair had changed to fit the era. They watched as the pregnancy took all but one day to get to full term. The inconveniences of being pregnant were covered up by silly jokes and puns, such as showing that her water broke by the sprinklers activating. As Vision was off to get the doctor, Wanda was distracted by the doorbell and the woman she had met last episode came in. She was, of course, oblivious to the pregnancy. It went by quickly, Wanda tried to hide her belly as she could but then she went into labor. Geraldine helped her deliver the first child as Vision came back. The X-Men all frowned as it was revealed that she still had another child on the way.

‘Twins, a clever way to fix the name discourse,’ thought Charles to himself.

Wanda was now watching over the twins, her friend walked over, congratulating her on the sudden birth of not one but two babies.

“I’m a twin”

A quiet “what” was heard from Scott, Charles saw him look around, probably wondering if he had heard right.

“I had a brother. His name was... Pietro,” the redhead seemed lost in thoughts as she began to sing to her boys in a language they couldn’t understand. The group was stunned as they watched her rock her babies. The professor was feeling all kinds of weird; did she mean Peter? Had she killed him for the sake of a plot point?

“He was killed by Ultron, wasn’t he?”

Charles felt slight relief, perhaps it didn’t have anything to do with the speedster, because he was alive and well as far as he knew. Perhaps the brother’s name was a simple coincidence.

They watched in muted horror as Wanda turned to her friend, asking her to explain herself. Geraldine played dumb, but it was obvious that it was just a cover up. The woman was aware of the sitcom world. The confrontation escalated to a point where both were hostile to each other. Both trying to get answers. The tension was immense and when it seemed like something horrible would actually happen- Nothing did. There was another cut and then Wanda was once again watching the twins, alone this time.

After the strange talk Vision had with their neighbor, he ran back in, asking his wife about Geraldine’s whereabouts.

“Oh, she left, honey,” Wanda said in a sing song voice, “she had to rush home.”

The camera focused on her face, showing her eyes that had a slight glint of determination. It was no doubt she had gotten rid of her neighbor. They briefly talked about leaving, something Wanda didn’t seem keen on and the episode ended with them watching television with their children in their arms.

“What... the... hell?” Came Raven’s voice. The others had to agree, it was by far the most unsettling episode they had seen. Charles was asking himself the same question as everyone else in the room. Was Wanda the true villain?