#is it depersonalization? Derealization? Does it fall under body dysmorphia?

[nostomannia]

Also just to make sure I get in Solita's daily angst:

Solita does not feel at home in her body. All she knows is that her body is one she stole from some alternate self. Her body is not her own. Even if the face in the mirror is familiar, as far as Solita is concerned, it's a complete stranger.

It's not something she voices often, but she avoids looking at herself fairly often because of this. She sits long enough to look her version of presentable and she doesn't bother with her reflection for as long as possible.

Then, on top of that, Solita doesn't even feel like she owns her own body and soul. Deity does. She's just a puppet on their whim. She's not even sure her mind is her own anymore.

In some way, the way Solita sleeps around is some twisted manner of finding a way to at least settle into herself. Find some form of control. Find someone who at least appreciates her in some manner, even if it's only some shallow surface-level one.

[farginen]

psychology + mental health deep dive

general mental health related trigger warnings apply.  feel free to include more or exclude those facts / test results that take too much time or don’t apply, you can check out this list for more personality-related quizzes to include!

quick facts

diagnoses: ptsd, unspecified anxiety disorder/s (needs further evaluation) triggers: undefined, usually resistant to triggering situations to a degree. positive coping skills: maintaining a routine, eating and sleeping regularly, maintaining her own hygiene as well as the hygiene of her surroundings and her dog negative coping skills: social isolation + withdraw, (sometimes)  under-eating or sleep deprivation, self-sabotaging and suicidal plans attachment style: disorganized / fearful-avoidant love language:  physical touch (receiving), quality time (mutual),  acts of service (giving) myers briggs / mbti:  ISTJ

history exploration

are their diagnoses formal ( via a doctor, therapist, etc. ) or informal ( self diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized, etc. )

semi formal. a proper psychological evaluation was done when riza formalised her military career after the war.

have they ever been treated / medicated?

no, she was deemed "functional" and has not had any follow up treatment.

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis?

no, only hospitalised for physical injuries after the promised day events.

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms?

some steem from childhood, some from war.

do they have a family history of mental illness?

yes, her father berthold hawkeye was severely mentally ill though undiagnosed.

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family?

it wasn't.

what are their thoughts on mental health / their diagnosis?

she sees it the same as other physical injuries. the brain is just another organ.

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences?

it hasn't. much like other physical illness and injuries, if it's something she can live and deal with and go without medical assistance she'll take that route. unfortunately, mental health does fall under this.

symptoms

bold all that are present, italicize those that are resolved or in the history.

depression.    anxiety.    panic attacks.    dissociation.    derealization.    depersonalization.    suicidal ideation.    self harm.    homicidal ideation.    psychosis.    auditory hallucinations.    visual hallucinations.    delusions.    mania.    hypomania.    racing thoughts.    hyperactivity.    attention difficulty.    flashbacks.    nightmares.    hyperarousal.    hypoarousal.    hypersexuality.    hyposexuality.    psychopathy.   risky behavior.    catatonia.    somatic / bodily concerns.    mutism.    phobia.    agoraphobia.    hoarding.    obsessions.    compulsions.    body dysmorphia.    hair picking.    skin picking.     amnesia.    illness anxiety / hypochondria.    sensory loss.    speech difficulty.    comprehension difficulty.    communication difficulty.    tics.    defiant behavior.    irritable mood.    vindictiveness.     aggression.    pyromania.    kleptomania.    paranoia.    attention seeking.    narcissism.    avoidance.    dependency.    pica.    rumination.    food restriction.    food binging.    purging.    soiling the bed.    insomnia.    fatigue.    sexual dysfunction.    delirium.    developmental delays.

note that all of the below are, on their own, normative and typical aspects of human functioning. they become “symptoms” when they last longer than “normal” or when they pose a significant impact on someone’s life / functioning.

explanations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms

riza is generally very self aware and has a strong grip on herself, most "symptoms" are either circumstantial (i.e high stress, life or death situations, fighting homunculi and all that jazz) and laying dormant until a specific event triggers a reaction, or are underlying subconsciously in her thoughts hardly ever being expressed outwardly instead appearing always calm, collected and even cold or emotionless.

tagged by: i stole this from @seesgood ! tagging: @kingsleyer, @hongdiwang, @fullmtal, @stovthearted, @bidotheuncanny, @blanchette + anyone else who wants to do it

[thatferalwitch]

Discarnate Possession 101:

A practical master guide by someone who unwillingly experienced it and studied the phenomenon in an academic context

Disclaimer: this isn't meant to scare, nor victim-blame, nor criticise some practices, but rather to promote understanding on the phemonon based on personal experience.This isn't substitute for professional help or medical assessment. If you are unwell, please please please seek talk to your doctor or therapist.

[TW: mentions of depression, delusion, s**c*de, abuse, SH, derealization] sorry for the long post lol

About possession:

There are two main types of entities in possession: incarnate and discarnate. Incarnate entities are entities who were once alive and have since passed; human souls, animal souls, etc. Discarnate entities are entities who have never known incarnation, and may or may not have harmful intent; demonics, angelics, deities, etc.

Not all possession is unconsensual.

Many religions, including Caribbean voudon and some Christian churches use possession in their rituals. However I will be focusing on unconsensual, discarnate possession by demonics and other low vibrations entities.

What causes unconsensual possession?

1. Traumatic events and abuse.

In my case, an abusive relationship. Traumatic events such as abuse, sexual assault, witnessing an accident, suicide attempts, incendiary events, terrorist attacks and more are classic scenarios. Trauma and abuse attracts very low vibrations and leaves the victim feeling helpless, lost, fragmented and very vulnerable. There's a shattering of the self and the auric field that enables discarnate entities to attach themselves.

2. Depression, s****dal ideation and SH

Again, negative entities thrive on low vibrations, misery and helplessness. Many people who feel depressed and suicidal wish someone was there to "take their place"- a discarnate might just take you up on the offer.

3. Dabbling in negative or dark energywork unprotected.

Yes, that includes Ouija. If you dabble in Ouija, hexing, demonwork and other low-vibration practices without proper protection, training or boundaries, you run a risk of inviting a discarnate in your personal energy field without realizing it.

4. Severe emotional or work-related burnout

When you've burned out, all your defenses are down. You are vulnerable.

What does it feel like: the possession cycle

The idea of possession is a lot dramatized and exaggerated by horror movies. As you may suspect, it's not an immediate, black-on-white phenomenon, but rather a progressive one that creeps on you in several stages on the span of several months, and is very similar to a severe depressive episode. This is where it gets pretty personal.

Stage 1: Feeling Off

Symptoms: constantly tired or fatigued. Mild but frequent derealization or depersonalization. Too little or too much of an appetite. Potential weight or sleep schedule fluctuation. Feeling numb. Bad dreams.

Stage 2: Kick In The Nuts

Symptoms: in my case, all my ADHD meds started acting up out of the blue. My sight got worse. I lost weight. I started displaying disruptive hand tics. Kick In The Nuts is just whatever keeps you functional and grounded, suddenly crumbles. You try to fix it, but each attempt makes you feel worse. The depersonalization is getting worse. You're starting to slip. Your body is rebelling against you.

Stage 3: Depression/ Free Fall

Symptoms: Feeling like Kick In The Nuts was always meant to happen and you won't get back up. Social isolation. Complete misery, fed day and night by a whisper in the back of your mind. Anxiety attacks. Body dysmorphia. Nightmares. Disengaged from life. Classical symptoms of depression, but somehow worse (I've had depression before, and this objectively felt worse.) Rapid emotional and cognitive decline. Utter hopelessness.

Stage 4: Delusion

Symptoms: the very first Late Stage, and where it starts to get dangerous. You start to associate yourself with a very misguided belief system about yourself as you are slipping into severe delusion. Your life prior to Kick In The Nuts feels like a fuzzy dream. You have obsessive thoughts. Chunks of time start to go missing. That delusion is a trap of control. Possession is the entrapment of the mind and will in controlled illusions, a maze of mirrors. Examples of delusions: you're cursed from birth, all of this was worthless. This is the REAL you. Friendship is a lie. You're useless and better off dead. You are your trauma. You're broken for good. You'll never amount to anything because this the REAL you. Everything else is a lie. Angels and spirit guides and God were all a manmade lies to deceive you. You're doomed. Life is misery. The only way to feel better is [insert self-sabotage]. This is the REAL you.

Stage 5: S****dal Delusion

Symptoms: The belief that based on delusions, that the only way out is to commit suicide. You want to prove you're right. You may form a plan. You don't want help. The next stage is your funeral.

In retrospect

This is the stage where I was intercepted. A family friend who happens to be a professional psychic and energyworker was contacted by my worried mother about me not being myself. He performed an emergency energy clearing and the next morning sent an email to her titled "Fucking hell". He had found and cleared not one, but two thriving demonic discarnates in possession. My mother woke me up to show me how I had been under spiritual possession, and when I read it in bed, I did something really unexpected that I hadn't done in months. I burst out giggling.

Just a good, contagious laugh from the pit of my stomach. A spell had been broken. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I could laugh again. It took several months of conscious effort, therapy and several clearings to completely shake it off, but my tics disappeared, my meds started working again, I got myself out of my depression, and I successfully lived past the date I had planned to off myself.

Conclusion

Again, this isn't to freak out anyone. My experience was a strong learning one that I wouldn't even wish on Donald Trump. I don't pretend that this is the ultimate, final objective truth. And if you show symptoms of depression, suicidal thoughts, trauma, PTSD, declining physical and mental health, don't be stupid like me, GET HELP.