#is healing my inner child y'all you have no idea

[summonerluna]

My kids are playing TotK now and I am LOVING listening to their theories on where Zelda is and why she seems to be causing mischief.

[batemanofficial]

i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD

[beefslipper]

Halloween Headcanons (Months early lol)

My last post was such a flop I heard the crickets chirping before I even got on tumblr omg

Since nobody is giving me ideas, I'm just gonna do short n sweet headcanons on one (at least) character from each of the fandoms I'm in... Or at least the ones I can remember. Idk why but I can't wait until spooky month so we're doing Halloween-themed HCs!!!!!! I frickin' love the holidays :D

I won't be using images in my post this time just because I'm like half asleep and I need to yap. (I have no energy and I must yap /ref)

First up, Jason Todd! (Batman)

I think he'd avoid dressing up for trick or treating because his fave is Wonder Woman... Bro's not about to traumatize every child that sees him. However, if he is craving candy hard enough, he'd go in a lazier or goofy costume. You know those unicorn onesies? That's for if he isn't in the mood for ghits and shiggles. An inflatable dinosaur costume is his go-to if he's in a better mood.

I bet he'd have everything planned, too. He knows where all the rich people are and which ones give out the full-sized candy bars or any cool light up toys that make little kids jealous because they have no idea where to find them at.

If he were to go trick or treating with anyone, I think it'd probably be the Batfam as a whole (They don't trust him with not stealing some kid's candy bucket).

Next, Touya Todoroki! (MHA)

This is an AU one where he isn't dying because I don't want him to die (Insert sob emoji).

Since Enji himself is in a wheelchair, he isn't able to push Touya around. He was absolutely devastated by that and begged Natsuo and Fuyumi to take their older brother out to trick or treat since Shoto was with his friends.

Touya would either do a costume to heal his inner child or a lazier one that's comfortable and doesn't irritate his skin. Either way, he's demanding that they go to every house around no matter how long it takes. Any time he gets candy he doesn't like, he asks Natsuo to trade with him LOL

At the end of the night, Enji has to lock away the candy so Touya doesn't scarf it all down and get a stomach ache. He does anyway since it was 'hidden' in the same spot it had always been.

Onto Arlan! (HSR)

My boy doesn't get enough love <3

I think his excitement after hearing about Halloween's existence would be enough to convince the spaceship to set up little stalls for him, Asta, MC, and Peppy to run around to collect candy. He and Asta would probably have matching costumes like ketchup and mustard bottles or pb and j or something cute like that. Or it'd be a three-way deal since Asta would dress Peppy up in some cute little costume.

Arlan would definitely sit on the floor with Asta and MC and trade candies so they each get what they wanted. Asta would have some dog treats for Peppy so they weren't left out :)

At the night's end, Arlan would probably be caught falling asleep, still in costume with a half-eaten candy bar in hand.

Now, Bennett! (Genshin Impact)

He, Razor, Chongyun, and XIngqiu would get together and go out trick or treating. He tried to convince Fischl to go with, but she refused, claiming it was far too childish for someone of her status. That meant "Please bring me back some sweets".

He had a bag specifically for Fischl :)

As the night went on, the boys managed to have good luck. Bennett had never been happier since he was internally horrified of ruining the others' night by only getting raisins, toothbrushes, and apples or having someone's bag rip.

All went well and everyone got a pretty good amount of candy. Even Fischl.

Yap session is done! I kinda wanted to do DMCB stuff or Steven Universe stuff, but my creativity juice ran out. I hope y'all liked this one :D I'll probably do another one when it's actually October. (evaporates I FORGOT JJK oh well)

Have a great day, evening, and/or night everyone :DDDD

[i-only-want-endless-happiness]

Dear pjo fandom

I just read the sun and the stars and i was so happy to come here and see all the little cute fan arts and what i find is a bunch of adults complaining about a child books series istg this fandom is one of the most toxic ones out there.

Now i could tell you that if you want to consume a product whatever it is movies,books,tv shows ecc that's explicitly for kids/preteens you have to approch it with the right mentality which is letting your inner child enjoy the product if you're 20+ something, cause of course the adult you won't feel the same wonder, and sure kids products don't have to be bad or bland and there are other things out there aimed at kids that are better than tsats BUT it's not a bad book, mark oshiro did such a good job at portraying healing and trauma, they also did an amazing job at presenting to middle schoolers the idea of romantic relationships being not all roses and flowers and unicorns, human relationships are hard no matter the kind, it's something difficult to accept and to deal with especially when every single fairy tale you read as a kid teaches you that there is a happily ever after, that after adversities everything gets solved and goes fine, when you grow up you learn that nothing is further from the truth than that, i could also tell you that of course the concept is extremely simplified but again it's a book for kids/preteens, i could tell you to not go for something you know it's not targeted to you if you want approch it in a cynical way, i could give you as example that reading tsats and wanting maturity out of it is like going to watch a disney animation movie and then complaining they sing too much. Cause now you have to tell me when rick riordan has been mature or not cringe in the whole entirity of the pjo saga? He literally wrote a dam joke after killing off a 12 years old, added a judo flip to a romantic reunion of two characters that haven't seen each others for almost a year, wrote a romantic declaration from a 20 years old something to a 16 years old girl, wrote about gods falling for the stupidiest shit said by teenagers demigods, made percy at 12 years old won a fight against the fucking god of war and i could go on so if that has been ok with you till now what is even the point? The truth is y'all are not complaining cause the book feels immature/cringe/ooc ecc y'all are complaining cause you hate will and you hate him cause you ship nico with percy,jason,leo or who knows who and that's ok you don't have to like will or solangelo you can ship whatever you want (i'm an "anomaly" in this fandom i never shipped percabeth, i started prefering percy and rachel and i ended up loving the idea of annabeth and piper, still i can be objective enough to read a whole saga where percy and annabeth are the main couple and not shit on it just cause i don't ship them together) of course you can complain about this book but at least make an effort and think of valid reasons. The real problem is why did you decide to buy and read a book that focuses as one of the main plots on a relationship you hate so much, if you can't stand them as a couple why did you read it in the first place? This book is not perfect it lacks things and there are topics that needed to be handled better sure, but it's not bad,ooc or cringe, cheesy maybe but not the kind of cringe you are trying to make it pass. The real deal here is you don't really care about any of those things you just hate the ship the book revolves around and again that's fine but just be honest it's way more respectful than taking away the work af a queer author that tried to settle more the idea of a queer couple being normal and equal to a straight one to a group of young people who are living in a society that still is against queer people.

Damnit shut up, do it for the gay kids

A former kid (still queer tho)

(if i made mistakes forgive me english is not my first language)

[orchid-151]

I had some ideas for the journey Orchid and her group were going to take, I haven't fully planned them out but if any of you all like this idea involving your OC's do let me know... Or if you don't like the idea then also let me know because I can change/shorten the 'Inner Evil' arc...

I will list a small summary for each picture...

Again, these are just ideas... if any of you don't want your OC to show up for a mini arc just let me know... I won't do it if you ask me not to.

Under readmore because long...

@lilium2034 Amicus and Fidus

The idea is after they reach land, Mason stirs up an argument with Orchid about not needing to be so reckless with her actions with her firing comments back at him about trying to be a team player... After she walks away to blow off steam when she runs into the Duo. Amicus heals her shoulder while hearing her out and tries to give her some good advice...

I might add more when I get to that part but that's it for that mini arc...

@asktotallyhuman Sarah

To be fair, I have been reading all I can about this girl and her village, and thought of a good arc where Orchid goes alone and tries to make a bargain with Sarah to help her brother and the group. Orchid would stay and make a few double chests of 'God Apples' and Sanah would allow Mason and the others to pass and continue (Valkyrie and Archie would be given two of the 'rings' to make them look like villagers)...

I don't think Sanah is evil but I think she would rig a double chest to drain the apples into another dozen double chest below Orchid cell making her work even harder to make more apples then offered... Only later finding out more about the strange Illager and finding that Orchid is literally going to kill herself trying to fill the last chest to fulfill her end of the bargain...

In the end, Sanah does a good deed and finally lets Orchid go after letting her recover... But Sanah's mindset of Illagers doesn't change. And Orchid understands that, tell Sanah she can keep the extra 'God Apples' for an emergency with no ill will to the human...

Not fully planned out again but again, I don't think Sanah is evil... Just untrusting of ANY Illager that comes to her with a bargain...

@ask-wretched Wretched

(Damn is Wretch hard to draw for me... Even if it is just his foot 😓)

Ok, this idea was running a mug through my head for a while now so here is some of the idea...

As Orchid's group continues on, they start running into some of Drake's forces... While Orchid goes looking for some ingredients for a few potions a small party of four ambushes her in a cave mouth and chases her into it. One uses a tipped arrow with blindness on it and aims it at her. Orchid suddenly notices that she had blindly ran into a Wardens territory and stops to hide and be quiet... Only to get hit by a tipped arrow in the back and knocked down... The 4 are then 'mowed down' by the warden of the area, obviously being loud and aggravated when they found their target and almost lost her... Orchid tries to get up but realizes she is low on health and is blind for who-knows-how-long...

Wretch would be humongous next to Orchid and if he did try to help would probably be scared to even hold her, she so smol... (I don't have her exact measurements yet... Maybe 4"6' or 4"10' somewhere in that range of shortness...)

(originally I was going to have her a few weeks pregnant with Smith's child but I might not do that... Unless y'all like the idea of more drama but I don't think I'll do it.)

And there you go, four ideas I had for mini arcs in the comic, I still plan to put the few OC's in the background in some panels so be looking out for the small cameos~

[imliterallyjustablackgirl]

"About the Blogger" meme

Thank u sm for tag @happylikeasadsong

Star Sign(s): Virgo sun, Cancer rising and Aries Moon - * ratata, in the ghettooo*

Favorite Holidays: Christmas and New Years, I just love little lights and the snow in the trees and to be reminded that makeup is just make up by the Canadian wind, while I get bitch slapped like I owes it money, ahhh, canadian's winter. I loveeee Christmas songs, I get so excited when it'ssss timmmee ( Mariah is it you). I dream for the day were I get to put lil socks like in movies with name and everything. Might even stitch them myself uwu. We don't do it, but maybe one day, family on my own.

Last Meal: As like my last meal if I d i e or - I ate a burned sandwich, I did it to myself. Me and myself are not talking right now, the sandwich was the last straw for today. It had two large meatballs in a subway wanna be bread - could have been great- I'm getting emotional all over again.

Current Favorite Musician: Brown noise 10 hrs- no wait - Rap orchestra - that's like the current thing I'm listening to right now. Mostly Metro's concert rap Orchestra. But Tanarelle, forever my love. Sade, for sure.

Last Music Listened To: * sigh - go look at the last edit I watched** 1975- about you, the snippet of Holt singing. Last Movie Watched: Bottoms - Lmao- THEEE GAYYYZZZ

Last TV Show Watched: Craig of the Creek - Rick and Morty, Bob's burgers, I watch Bob's burgers alot.

Last Book/Fic Finished: Now why did you have to do me like dat.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: W A W Abandoned? I Do Not Abandoned My Kids. They just live inside my head until one day a smell, a sound,or an idea reminds me that they exist, or I write them on a piece of paper and forget about it OR they live inside my notes pads. Let's not speak about myout-of-wedlockk Skyrock- Wattpat and Fanfiction.net, children, they are not mine, you cannot prove it. Where is the paternity test?

Currently Reading: Y'all posts, like it's bedtime stories. Curry's fanfictions - honestly I read most of y'all updated or not fanfiction, I was on A3O Sydcarmy tags when there was barely two pages, so ouf - thank you to y'all my loves :* truly. I would lie if I said now I have too much windows open I'm confusing the timelines and fanfic. - Seasons of Sydney by shewalksoverme I am waiting for them to update. I am not handling it well, sadly *sighs*

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Canada's woods, slightly make me sounds like a serial killer but HOW would you write a werewolf Carmy,huh!? I lived there most of my life, thought it would help me get a better writing experience, yet I've been too busy to continue and now I'm alarmeling aware that we have coyotes. Great ;-;

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I have alot but I watched the last episode of Stranger Things with my friends last year. S8 of TVD, feeling like a last survivor of some sort, trauma lol - The Howl House - the finality, it healed my inner child to see a queer neurodivergent kid being understood by her mom, kick ass and be happy lol.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Amphibia- it's such a cute and layered cartoon. OMG - I ALMOST FORGOT - CENTAURWORLD. It deserves the praise. It deserves to be acknowledged, the bad guy changed my perception of so many things.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: I wish (His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass) when I tell you, that this fantasy world has haunted me, because of how good it was for little girl me, argh! I would watch it all over again, I wish it had a bigger fanbase - if you love Christmas-

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For:

Listen - Projects are not the issue, it's the follow-through, I'm gonna try writing mini-stories to keep my mind engaged. I'll manipulate myself into work - Also I keep losing password to things so, yeah- My fic started: Under the moon- I will this week updated it- I want to write more one-shots, more smut for sure- I am interested in exploring differents fronts of any characters. Shit, I might even a Bob's Burgers fanfic. You can't stop me, you're not my mom- that I know of :O I would like @currymanganese to do it @angelica4equity You don't have to, but like... an ant somewhere might die cauz of it so, idk- do u wanna be an ant murdereww? Yeah, that's what i thought

[watchingblsnowandforever]

I also have no idea why I started watching We Are. (Strangely, I think it was coming to hear about the whole reshooting thing, and watching that kicking-the-balls scene in the trailer because my brain works in weird ways.)

I actually didn't even remember it was a series that was actually coming out this year.

One day, it just crossed my YT homepage and I was like why the heck not (it was the study leave before my finals so naturally, I was doing everything but studying) and I watched the first ep.

I'd watched PondPhuwin in FUTS and NLMG and both had given me trauma of different kinds, and I'd seen WinnySatang in MSP (and as a few of their side roles ofc).

After watching the first episode I was like okay this isn't that bad, just a silly little enemies to lovers. Oh how wrong I was.

Then I kept watching because I was bored.

But then I kept watching because I couldn't bear not to.

I keep saying and I will keep saying: We Are changed me in ways few other BLs have. It gave me so much and it's still giving me so much more.

I'm relatively new to the fandom arena and I've heard Myths and Lore about the community it brings together but I never thought I'd be able ro experience it myself. Ironic that The show about friendship and community could do this for me.

I value friendship a lot, mostly cause I don't have very much of it, and at one time had essentially none.

Whoo boy this is getting too long and sentimental.

What I mean to say is, thank you We Are, thank you all the new moots I've met (y'all are so awesome) thank you for healing my inner child, thank you for making me cry two eps in a row, but not because of angst, thank you for giving me everything I've ever wanted in a BL. Thank you for giving me hope (and making me explore my writing), and thank you for existing.

I won't lie, I am a bit biased towards PhumPeem, but I love all the other so much, and 16 eps is really not enough, but too much of anything makes you take it for granted.

I will miss We Are so much, but I will keep on writing about them and giggling about them and killing the parents in increasingly creative ways. I could never forget you.

You will always be a good memory that can make me smile at my lows. I will keep coming back to you. 😌💙

Because I'm me I do want to make a little sappy post before the episode, so forgive my cheesiness.

I have no recollection of why I started watching We are, I'm not even sure why one morning I decided to catch up on the 5 episodes that were already out, but I'm eternally grateful I did.

This show was exactly what I needed and made me feel happy and alive for the first time in a while. Not only did it bring amazing relationships and one of my favorite characters ever (phumpeem/Phum you will never leave my head) and an absolutely beautiful portrayal of true friendship, but also it gave me back that sense of community in fandom that I don't think I've had in years.

So thank you We are for the most beautiful journey ever, and all the moments and warmth I will keep with me. But also thanks to all of you in the tag for all the gifs, art, memes, liveblogs and analysis, all the fics and scenarios that we built collectively, our general desire to kill the parents. It's been an absolute pleasure and a very beautiful bright spot in my life 🖤.

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[leakyrocktarot]

Hello i have wondered why bts soulmates and soul connections need guidance? Then we can say the same thing for other groups also but that’s not the case. What is it about bts and their soul connections? Is it because they are most popular group now with all that money and status combined with new age spirituality that has attracted many delulus? Could we have expected the same thing if One Direction(another huge boy band) was active? The soulmate/tf thing has hit bts community specifically for good or for bad. Bts has specific purpose in this world and they are doing good job by raising our vibrations but when i see things happening in this community where everybody is fighting to be their SO or soulmate i feel like they failing. I feel huge disappointment. Do share your opinion if at all there is any higher purpose to it but whatever it is at this point seems like it has become toxic.

There have been many groups that needed and have gotten guidance. The new age of spirituality has most definitely affected the amount of delulu's, I contribute it to the lack of education on these topics. A lot of people jump at the idea of having a connection with celebrities, causing their energies to become overflooded. Normally a person will only be surrounded by the energies of the people they are with or are meant to meet. That'll be people in their soul family, and their soulmates. But now there are so many energies it overloads a person, distorting their physical being, even affecting their communication with their guides and soul family. One direction has had their own team of helpers, so has the beatles, Queen, Nirvana, Exo, IKon, Stray kids. But with today's technology things are different. Technology is energy, humans vibrate at frequencies, with these things combined a person can do anything. Before, spirituality wasn't that popular, a lot of these idols didn't have to worry about fans pushing their spiritual agendas on them, but now with the rise of spirituality, and how easily accessible information is people can use it how ever they want.

I always talk about the energies being muddy and that's because it is, there are too many people trying to force things they shouldn't force, and try to fit into spaces that weren't made for them. For bts, their increasing popularity has definitely affected them spiritually. While soulmates are more privileged in this generation, it definitely is a curse to many. I do believe it has become toxic, there are too many people on here claiming to be connected to bts and other idols, forcing a connection with them. Manifesting it so hard it affects their readings. And these people, not satisfied with their answers become readers themselves, often time reading for themselves and not the idol. Many readers here leave their readings as vague as possible to appease many. And now there's even a trend of people saying that their readings are 100% for fun. I have spoken on this many times but, many of these people are not doing their job in actually learning spiritual topics, and they make their readings so vague and relatable it's causing too many people to put their trust in them. It's causing too many people to force connections, and when someone does come along and talk about these things they often get chased off the platform with threats of hate and doxxing.

A soul connection is never easy, it's never supposed to be easy. There is too much romanticising of what twin flames and soulmates are supposed to be like, people forget, or don't even know the amount of work that gets put into them. I have not seen a single soul talk about shadow work, inner child healing, reiki, runes, protection, protection sigils, smudge kits, incense, crystals, witchcraft, rituals, the fucking basics of spirituality like fucking vieling, shielding, and protecting yourself, y'all are spreading spiritual std's 🤦‍♀️. For a soulmate of a person famous it would be even harder because they are less likely to believe the signs, they have more trauma to work through, they have more blockages stopping them, they have so many downs they forget what ups are, they often get stuck in the same place for years repeating cycles and they do this all because they love their partner. Yes it yields a beautiful relationship, but not without serious effort.

I am so sorry for ranting but topics like this always ticked me off. I have seen too many soulmates unable to be with their partners because of these things on a much much much smaller scale. But the scale that bts and other idols sends these situations in to fucking overdrive. This whole community is toxic, I'll admit their are some fucking beautiful gems, but they are piled under so much shit it's not even worth it anymore.

Thank you so much for sending me this ask and giving me the time to air out all my grievances, I hope I haven't stepped on anyone's toes, but I hope this has caused some people to realize some things

[myspiritlion]

Message from Loki

"The idea and act of finding the positives in a 'bad' situation as well as looking for what you can learn in them is all good and admirable. However, many people choose to stay in a bad situation for the sake and belief of having to learn a lesson instead of realizing they have the power to change the circumstances - albeit not as directly as they'd wish to, but still, you all have amazing creator powers - you are all tiny universes in a human body. Don't underestimate your greatness. The problem with this mindset though is that now you're letting yourself stay where you are because of the thought and advice that's floating around these days - "oh, there must be something I can learn here, so I'll just push through this suffering and hopefully come out stronger on the other end."

I want to clarify that I'm not against learning from mistakes or unpleasant situations. That would be a little contradictory, coming from me. My concern is with you choosing to stay in one when in reality, you could learn what you need to learn in much better environments or situations. You can learn and gain wisdom through suffering or you can do so through joy or inspiration. Don't think that you'll only be knowledgeable and wise if you've suffered a hundred people's pain and misery. But again, sometimes we do need to go through the dark to find our inner strength, that tiny little flicker of flame and then breathe life into it. I just want you to know that you don't always have to go through the suffering - especially not if it's a recurring pattern, then it may be something subconscious that needs to be resolved.

Pain does make us more resilient but it can definitely tear us down too. Learn how to distinguish when you need the pain to get stronger and when it's too much and does more damage than good. It's just like building muscle, you can't just lift hundreds of pounds or it'll tear your tissues. Similarly, you can't gain the muscle by just looking at the weights. We can't always learn from other people's mistakes, but we also don't need to reach rock bottom every time we need to learn a life lesson. You have a choice in this, you're not here on this planet to be played or toyed with by some higher power who decides what you learn, when and how - unless you choose to believe in that, then take responsibility for choosing to live your life as a puppet.

To anyone who wishes to not be a puppet: stop giving your power away then.

To avoid misunderstandings, I'm not assigning the role of 'God' to everyone who reads this - I'm merely offering you the idea that you're not a toy and free will is a thing. You have a choice - many choices, in fact almost incalculable amount of choices. It's fine to ask for divine help or be led and guided but don't forget your own greatness either. We can't always hold your hands nor do we want to either. What good of a parent is someone who never lets their child do things on their own, to experience, learn and grow - would they ever truly grow up or would they just get older?

Be daring enough to say no to miserable situations when you know it's pointless by acknowledging your greatness and by allowing yourself to believe that you don't always have to suffer to learn a lesson, my dear.

If you could see the expression of your helpers and spiritual guides on the other side, you'd understand that we don't want you in those situations either. But y'all are like 'this door sucks. Lemme examine every little detail on this stupid door.'

And we're here like 'juSt Go thrOugh thE dAmn DoOr.'

In many cases, there's a much better door after the one you're facing, more suitable for you, and you do need to go through the first one but you don't need to analyze the heck out of it until it leaves your paralyzed and unable to see the next, the pleasant one. That's how you overdo healing and shadow work. Find some balance, guys.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Or what you're saying these days.'

[cassandrapentayaaaaas]

Male Trevelyan Compilation (with backstories)

*whips out the wallet which I keep specifically for pictures of my fictional children* good afternoon I have so much to say about my babies

(also- if y'all ever want to share your inquisitors with me like literally at any point ever my sub and ask boxes are always open for cute BioWare-rendered faces <3). These are characters we’ve poured time and effort into, and they are absolutely worth sharing.

Benjamin (Ben) Trevelyan: 30/Warrior/Non-Beliver/Bisexual/Pro-Templar (he’s the newest baby) 

Ben’s motto is “do it now, ask questions later.” Honestly, he’s a lot like Cassandra, minus the whole “devoted to the Maker” thing. He believes firmly in “right” and “wrong,” but he’s willing to learn. If he looks tired, it’s because he is. He didn’t want this job; he was at the Conclave to escort some of the mages who made up a distant part of his family, and now they’re all gone.

He’s built like a monster truck -Varric calls him “Muscles”- he can give Bull a run for his money where drinking is concerned, and really just wants to go home to Ostwick where his family, fiancée, and mabari are (there’s no way he’s uprooting them to bring them to Skyhold). He’s not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but his gut feelings are almost always right. He’s learned to go with it. He’s strikingly kind and loves very deeply. He’s a good man.

Friedrich (Fritz) Trevelyan: 38/Rogue/Questioning Belief/Gray-Asexual/Pro-Mage (I definitely have a crush on this hairy man)

Fritz used to be a Chantry scholar and historian (imagine Bram Kenric, but but less about the Inquisition and more about holy relics, texts, and figures). He’s also studied the history of magic. He was excellent at his job and he’s terribly intelligent, but he flaunts neither of those factors. He’s truly a very quiet man, until you come to him with a question or a topic to discuss. When you do, he’s wonderfully patient, attentive, and never condescending -three of the many factors that make him Dorian’s favorite pal. (He’s also my first inquisitor to personally drink from the Well of Sorrows ‘cause he’s a big ‘ole nerd that wants to know everything).

Varric calls him “Doc,” because of his former profession, and to be honest, he wasn’t much of a fighter until the world called on him to become its leader. In fact, he’d never even picked up an object with the intention of making it weapon until he was 24; someone broke into his rooms at the university to steal an artifact he was examining and they were ready to kill him for it. He fought back with a letter opener, and won. 

About 5 years after that incident, he fell in love with a very sweet chantry sister. She fell ill very suddenly, and the local mother opted for prayer over a healer. It didn’t end well for Fritz’s girl, and he felt utterly betrayed by the Maker. He lost his faith for quite a while afterwards, but Cassandra has done a good job of reminding him why he believed in the first place. 

Fritz’s sexuality is really hard to pin down, but he finds he’s most comfortable identifying as gray-a. He’s pretty head-over-heals for the Seeker. She’s really fond of him, too, but they haven’t quite gotten around to discussing where things are going. Their flirting is the shy, gentle, complementary type, and it makes my heart happy just thinking about it.

Dennon Trevelyan: 34/Rogue/Andrastian/Bisexual/Undecided

Dennon (or “Stubble,” if you’re Varric and can get away with it) is a hard man. He’s the middle Trevelyan boy (out of three), and he’s always had to fight for what he’s been given. He’s not an intentionally cruel person, he just genuinely doesn't think feelings are a thing that should be taken into consideration when conducting business, and his business is now the Inquisition. 

While his directness (or bluntness, if you prefer) has made him rather popular with Cassandra, Cullen, and Vivienne, it’s made keeping alliances a risky business. Josephine has spent many hours attempting to help him navigate the art of subtlety, and every time she winces at his sharper edges, it dulls him down a little more... and to be honest, he’s liking the results (and Josie) a lot.

Maddox Trevelyan: 28/Mage/Agnostic/Homosexual/Pro-Mage

Maddox is constantly on the move. This is his first time out of the Circle, and he’ll be damned before he’ll waste it on idleness. He knows what duty is -the number of responsibilities they heaped upon mages in the Circle taught him that- and the members of the Inquisition are constantly amazed at how he’s able to fulfill all of his duties to the utmost, with time left over to explore.

Honestly, Maddox is an adventurer. There’s nothing he likes better than the rush of seeing or doing something new. If he’s not scaling a mountain, he’s diving head-first into the Waking Sea, or considering joining an Avvar hold. Dorian has done wonders to keep him grounded, when need be; Maddox is a dreamer and his amatus, on the other hand, is a dreamy pragmatist. ;)

Maddox (or Blue Eyes, as Varric calls him) is entirely anti-circle, but he’s still somehow managed to win Vivienne over. In fact, there’s no one within the inner circle who isn’t utterly pleased when he’s around. He’s simply a contagious personality, and he is deeply loved.

Abelard (Abe) Trevelyan 42/Rogue/Andrastian/Heterosexual/Undecided (I’m almost as in love with him as I am with Cassandra)

Abe looks like the kind of guy who would beat the snot out of you for looking at him funny, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Varric has even nicknamed him “Grizzly” just for the irony of the implication. He’s wickedly intelligent and he’s the biggest, softest teddy bear this side of Lake Calenhad. He just doesn’t smile much, anymore.

He lost his wife and daughter about two years before the Inquisition began, and he’s still trying to work through it. He’d turned his back on the Trevelyan family’s money to marry a girl who was below his station. They needed cash, so he had to work. He became part of a crew that was sent to ransom and return captives and slaves taken from the Marches and Ferelden to Tevinter, mostly. While he was away on a mission, raiders sacked his tiny village and killed everyone who looked too weak to turn a profit in the slave market. That meant most of the populace, since two harvests in a row had failed and most people were malnourished.

He’s a quiet man, but his actions speak very loudly. He’ll do anything for anyone, so long as he knows them to be good, and it took the inquisition two extra weeks to get out of the Hinterlands because Abe couldn’t leave the refugees “like this.” He even helped to design and construct the area’s first school house, which now bears his family’s name -a fact he will no doubt blush at, if you mention it.

He really likes Cassandra, and she really likes him, but they’re both grieving (Regalyan’s loss is still fresh). For now, the find comfort in their friendship. Neither one wants to push while they’re unready. She is the one who gets him to smile the most often, though.

Peter Trevelyan 22/Mage/Questioning Belief/Pansexual/Pro-Templar

Peter is usually a little shit, and that’s why I love him. He’s always pulling someone’s leg, and Sera often comes to him for prank ideas –though he never lets her pull one off without him at her side. He’s terribly sweet, and his brand of humor permeates nearly every sentence he speaks. He may be a prankster and an utter clown, but he’s wonderfully fierce and has this innate need to protect everyone.

Before his magic manifested, he wanted to become a Templar. Once he discovered he was a mage, he had to battle a lot of self-loathing as well as some serious self doubt. He saw his magic as a flaw and a weakness, and he clung to his idols, the Templars, upon arrival at the Circle (he was only 12 and they just took him away from everything he knew and loved someone please give my poor baby a hug D,:). He sees the value of the Circle because that’s where he was trained to master the parts of himself he came to hate and fear most. It’s been a slow road to go, but in being around apostates and liberated mages like Dorian, Morrigan, and Solas, he’s learning to see mages (including himself) as people and not as wrong, ill-formed things.

He copes with his own insecurities through self-deprecation and near constant levity. He’s still consistently unsure of himself, and his opinion of his own worth is still relatively low, but his dedication to bettering himself and the world around him is admired by all. Honestly, he’s so good to everyone. I love this boy so much.

Michael Trevelyan 26/Mage/Passively Andrastian/Bisexual/Pro-Vivienne-Style-Mage(so... Pro-Templar?)

Right now, Michael is an asshole, but I love getting to know him. He’s the only son of Bann Trevelyan’s four children, and even though he’s a mage, he’ll inherit the better part of his parent’s estate. He’s been treated like a prince since he was born, and it’s made him horribly self-serving. He thinks he’s the cream of the crop, and advice is the one thing he never takes. But, underneath his haughty exterior lies a true idealist with an amazing work ethic.

His air of superiority often leads people to assume he’s lazy. In actuality, he’s amazing at spotting potential and talent in others, which makes him skilled in delegation. He also does his own work at breakneck speeds. Michael won’t tolerate being hindered in the process of achieving his goals by anyone or anything, and he always does whatever is necessary to see that his ends met.

He hasn’t made many friends in the Inquisition, so far, but he hasn’t even gotten out of Haven yet, so we’ll see. Honestly, he’s not currently someone I’d want to spend much time with, but he’s quite handsome, and I want to see his character develop.

Caleb Trevelyan 15/Warrior(Mage)/Questioning Belief/Heterosexual/Undecided

This is my favorite child, and the first Inquisitor who I actually spent time crafting a personality for. I don’t want to get too into his backstory, because he is a large part of a fic which I wILL DEFINITELY WRITE SOMEDAY WHEN I HAVE TALENT TO DO IT JUSTICE. But he is so incredibly driven. He has such a desire for justice, and he learns like it’s no one’s business.

Everyone loves this kid, but he’s got such a self-sacrificial nature that they all have to stay a little more on their guard with him than any normal warrior, because he will literally bury himself in enemies to keep his friends safe. He has so much potential, and everyone is happy to help him reach it in whatever way they can. Ugh. He’s such a little cutie.

[whatsunderneathme-blog1]

Day 2

It's pretty funny how life works. I feel like I'm good at it some days. Others not so much. It feels like everyday is a game. Like whoever the fuck claims, "you win some and you lose some" was spot on. Sometimes I wish I had some sort of cheat sheet to it, like when I was a kid, I would use one of those for GTA. There was a "ladies' man" cheat one where all the CPU women would always come lurking towards you. I would drive an ambulance and they would just hop in, filling the seats to max capacity. Then I would drive them to an alley where I would beat them with a baseball bat until they died so I could take their money. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't do that in real life, but you get the point. Cheating. Real life shit. Cheating may seem fun. Maybe when it applies to the people who truly seek it out. But not me. Cheating is a lot like fire. It destroys. Literally everything. Which brings me to my next topic.

It's pretty funny how life works. After my "big move" to Maryland this takes place. Well, summer was over pretty quickly for me. I mean, hey, I moved to this lovely place in July... the time when makeup is not an option. And don't attempt to even do up your hair, because it's going to evolve into some sort of fuzz ball. Especially when your hair hits your waist. So yeah, no to straightening. I spent most of my days either in my Aunts office, running, or drinking the Budweiser or Molson Canadian out on the water in my bikini. Which of course revealed my lovely inverted cross. Not really appealing to the church-goers of "southern" Marylanders. Kinda reminds me that I regret doing that.

October. 2018. I was involved in the FD pretty often. I was also heavily involved in my EMT class. But this took place on a lonely evening in my room. No, not that kind of fun. But the kind where you contemplate your social life and join something called Tinder. Great move on my end, because *spoiler alert*. I met the love of my life. No, like really. The kind where you literally want to just cry a bunch of fucking tears because you're so happy you can't sit right with yourself. That came out wrong. Lol. The good kind of hyper. But it didn't really go my way for a while. I ended up super-liking this bitch. Like I wanted to swipe right 1000000 times. He looked just my type. Had his shit together. Even listened to the same music as me. My inner little girl that had a list made up titled "Dream Husband" was screaming on the inside. Tall. Dark hair. Light eyes. Talked a bit and things were awesome as fuck. LOL. He even stood me up the first time we were supposed to hang out. I had invited him over to my house to have some beers and chill. Well, he had another idea... to cancel on me. But I won't make it seem that depressing. I mean, I didn't think at the time he was actually going to keep me in his life since he was leaving the state soon. I would give more information regarding that so y'all could have like a better idea of things, but this shit is public, so my EMT self is saying "errr, HIPPA violation"? Yeah, I'll go with that. HIPPA violation. But the time frame of him leaving was coming up. Sooooo I sent his ass a nude. I know, I know, not very classy of me.. but with most things, fuck it. Why not. And damn right, you guessed it.. Yep, like most men, that caught his eye. He fell hook, line, and sinker into that one. Ladies, throw some VS lingerie on and you're golden. Maybe straighten your hair a lil bit. So, one night, him and his roommate (maybe it was that night), he came to see me at work. I'm a server. Perfect opportunity. He wasn't sat in my section, thank god. But the two of them sat at Booth #2. He ordered the Mac n Cheese. Excellent choice. Our whole menu has amazing food, so he couldn't really make a bad decision. But I'm not judging. Pasta is my thing. Okay maybe I'm judging. Or maybe it's weird that I remembered what he ordered to eat. I'll just blame the OCD. But now that I'm writing all this, I kinda want to fast forward. No disrespect, I love the man.. but I could write about him all day. Probably not stop. Let's skip to what I don't want to write about. Maybe it will make me feel better... getting it off my chest. I'm really thankful that there's someone sitting in the radio room (what we call the room with the two computers) at the station. I live here, don't know if I really mentioned that in the start. The reason why I mention why I'm thankful someone is in here, is because I'm more put together. Not crying... hysterically. I do that. A lot. When I'm alone mostly. So let's get on with it.

Now. March. Almost time for April to hit. It's pretty funny how life works. Well, for me, I fuck up a lot. I mean, probably a lot more than most. I mean, I dislocated my fucking shoulder today just stretching after my run. Who does that shit? Me apparently. FYI typing this shit hurts. But I enjoy it. So you see, I try my best to separate my logical and emotional mind. Sometimes one takes over and confuses the other. My therapist taught me this. The really cool one. Well, not so cool when she made me go through my past. That's another conversation. What I'm trying to get at is, well, my emotional mind is really taking over at this point. Maybe I spoke too soon when I said that my depression was gone. Maybe I didn't say that in 'the start'. But sometimes, certain things just kinda trigger it. So, me and the Tinder guy (sorry, bf, ily, but that's what I'm referring to you as, just out of respect) have been dating for almost 6 months now. Well, he isn't in MD right now, he's out doing his lil career thing. So I made a really, really, really, really, really, really x1000000 stupid mistake. You can probably guess. I got stupid drunk at a formal event and.. *see paragraph 1, line 9, only word italicized. Find it. You get it. Before that night, my biggest regret was stealing from a mentally challenged girl in middle school. Swiped that 20-dollar bill from her small backpack zipper like it was a golden Wonka wrapper. In my middle school brain, I justified it by blaming her- she should've zipped her shit up, right? But what the fuck was I thinking? I knew that night, when I handed the older skater boy I liked a pack of Cowboy Killer's with that 20 that what I had done was wrong. And guess what? I still think about that. I still haven't forgiven myself. She missed her bus because of me. The girl I fucking stole from was stranded because of me. She had no money. God knows how that girl got home. AND she's mentally challenged. I can picture her now, with her big frown that matched her uneven glasses. And my happy ass just walked 0.6 miles to my house. A street over from my middle school. It makes me fucking sick to my core to think I could ever do something like that to someone so innocent. That night, everything changed. That night is, you fucking bet... my biggest regret. And the worst thing is, I can't run from it. Every single day I want to break the mirror I look into, or hope that the mirror would just miraculously shatter because it doesn't like what it sees. You don't want to know what I feel. The man that I love is suffering because of what I did. Even though I'm an atheist, I will admit, within this month I have broken down so many times on my hands and knees, praying that the pain I've caused won't cause us to separate. I have wandered aimlessly in the night so the thoughts won't develop into something darker. Because I'm not afraid to admit that I struggle from time to time wondering what the fuck I'm doing with myself. I have never wanted someone to forgive me so bad. So next time you have the opportunity to count your blessings, fucking do it. Do it every fucking minute you can. Because the choices you make can really hurt others. And you can risk losing the ones you never thought you could if you're not lucky. I may put on this badass face, like I am so strong I could take on anything, but truth is, I still am hoping one day that I can go to bed without having a night terror, sleep without my fucking IKEA teddy bear named Evgeni, or to just close my eyes and try to wipe away the lies I've piled on like a large campfire to hide the ashes- the trauma I've gone through. I'm dying to live that normal life. Deep down underneath me is like a glass bottle, but it's broken. And you know who helped me heal? That Tinder guy. That man would do anything for me. That man treats me with respect. With every I love you he says to me, my heart forgives me. My head feels right at home with him, erases those horrible things my father told me, grabs the loaded shotgun my father forced to the back of my head when I was 11, breaks the hands of those that vandalized me when I was 17, 18, 19, and 22 years old, unplugs the 400 degree flat iron I used to burn my face all those years from the constant sexual torment. I don't know whether the correct term is that I was a damaged child or if I maybe just had the worst luck, but there are things people in general should not have to endure. I was innocent at one point, but that dissipated at such a young age. I only had me. And honestly, I was never able to tell the truth about those things because I was always silenced. But this man, listens to me with open ears. And for the first time in my life, I heard something I've never heard someone say. And he was exactly right. SO fucking right. It sounded something along the lines of, "You can't run from your problems. You can't just keep moving states every time there's a problem thinking it will solve them because it will just catch up to you".

He is someone I DO want for the rest of my life. The touch of his skin on mine hushes and tucks away all those memories to bed. That man has listened to me speak more than any man has. I smile until the small dimples on my left cheek poke out. Since that man has come into my life, I never realized what true love really felt like. I didn't realize how gentle it feels on the heart. It courses through me like the ocean waves fall through the sand trenches I used to build when I was an innocent little girl in her one-piece, kissed with a sunburn. It feels invigorating, even better than the feeling I get when I step on the ice rink with my freshly sharpened blades. It's the moment when he first let me rest my abnormally freezing feet softly against his, tucked in between his legs when we slept. Because even though it wasn't comfortable to him, he only cared about what I needed in that moment. I have only ever wanted acceptance, normalcy. I am okay on my own. But he makes life, life. When flowers are left out in the rain, they don't do well. They need three things: water, sun, oxygen. See, I have two. 1. The rain- the sadness. 2. The air that I breathe, the most key thing to being human, obviously. But in my life, the sun only shines when I'm out on the ice, playing hockey. It's like I was doing okay, but I had been waiting for that one thing I had been missing. 3. The sun. He is that. I feel like that flower that lives graciously, with fresh, new petals that grow each day. I feel important in the world. Even more than I ever have. That's what I feel. It's like all this love consumes me. I smile more. Laugh more. I feel beautiful. Alive. Alive. Alive. Isn't it funny how life works?

*refer to the last ¶, first line, the words that can create a reply - and stand out.

I love you,

All my heart,

L.

[lorettalivingston6911]

The New York Times Dives Into 'Sex Cult' Nxivm's Scientology-Like Improvement Program, Secret Subgroups, & 'Master'/'Slave' Human Branding!

I look younger now than when I was in my early 20s

Many have wondered about the inner workings of Nxivm, a so-called "sex-slave cult" disguised as a self-help program, ever since former members came out last year to accuse the organization of mental abuse, manipulation, and human branding.

Now, thanks to an exposé published by The New York Times, we know a little bit more about how the organization was run, the philosophies that shaped it, and most chillingly, what members had to go through to become a "badass" -- Nxivm's term for a self actualized individual.

Times contributing editor Vanessa Grigoriadis dove deep in her article, speaking with founder Keith Raniere (above, left), his second-in-command, Nancy Salzman, and several high-ranking members, including Smallville alum Allison Mack (above, right).

Related: Allison Married Battlestar Galactica Alum Prior To Arrest??

While these conversations were held before Raniere and Mack were both arrested in Mexico on charges of sex trafficking and forced labor, they shed a light on the Scientology-like goals of Nxvim's founder and why so many women were drawn to a self-improvement company which, at its core, was founded on sexist beliefs.

So, what are the biggest takeaways from this exposé? First off, Grigoriadis learned that Nxvim's 57-year-old founder claimed to be a child prodigy who played concert level piano by 12.

Born To Scam

Grigoriadis wrote that after graduating from college, Raniere became interested in "the science behind multilevel marketing." He then launched a company which offered discount groceries to members that was later believed to be a pyramid scheme by the state attorney general.

After the company was shut down in 1997, Raniere moved into the self-help arena and established Nxivm in 1998 -- an organization he believed could heal individuals and transform the world through techniques meant to rewire the emotional self.

How To Be A Badass

These techniques -- or "technology" -- involved members performing Scientology-esque sit-downs called "Explorations of Meaning," where a senior member helped a junior member dive deep into childhood memories and confront their fears.

The goal of these sessions was to become an individual who was "not only rich but emotionally disciplined, self-controlled, attractive, physically fit and slender" -- such a person was considered to be a "badass."

Getting A Rand

Raniere's philosophy was based largely on the work of Ayn Rand, author of the novels Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead -- works that would go on to shape modern conservative and libertarian movements.

Grigoriadis wrote that in "Raniere's Randian utopia, true value exchange was always upheld." He used this philosophy to make sure that sessions and special classes were always paid for in full – even if it meant members going into debt.

Going Deeper

Beneath the surface of the organization, Grigoriadis explained, was an old-fashioned subdivision called Jness, which promoted a worldview in which "women and men are wired differently."

Members who signed up for Jness, a series of $5,000 a pop, 8-day workshops, were taught that men were naturally polyamorous while women were monogamous; men didn't understand the same depth of experience, while women struggle more with understanding right and wrong.

Going Real Deep Now

For those who wanted to go even deeper into Raniere's teachings, smaller, more exclusive groups were provided -- for a price. If men wanted to join the "Society of Protectors," they had to do something called "collateralizing your word" -- which basically meant sticking to their word or all the men in the group would suffer a consequence.

But women who wanted to join the "Dominus Obsequious Sororium," or DOS, needed to pledge much more. Since Raniere needed assurance that they wouldn't speak about their experience within the group, he asked for things like naked photos, a video confession of a crime, or even deeds to homes.

Better Than A Tattoo

According to FBI documents cited in the story, Mack handed over paperwork promising that, in the event that she left the group, Raniere would be entitled to her home and any future children she had. She also gave him a letter claiming she had abused her nephews, which he could turn over to authorities if she rebelled.

But Mack didn't rebel -- in fact, she wanted to, as Grigoriadis put it, "do something more meaningful, something that took guts" within the group. So, she came up with the idea to use red-hot metal to leave permanent scars on DOS members.

The former actress told the reporter:

"I was like, 'Y'all, a tattoo? People get drunk and tattooed on their ankle or a tramp stamp. I have two tattoos and they mean nothing."

Members understood the design of the brand to be a symbol that "represented the four elements or the seven chakras or a horizontal bar with the Greek letters 'alpha' and 'mu'" – but it also bore a striking resemblance to the initials "KR" and "AM."

So... Was It A Sex Cult?

While penance was a large part of Nxivm, it was much more intense for those in the DOS. Grigoriadis wrote that those brought into the group were called "slaves" while the woman bringing the new member in was the "Master." These masters would force slaves to commit acts of "self-denial," like counting calories, cold showers, and abstaining from orgasms.

As for Rainere, he considers himself a polyamorist. But he told Grigoriadis that he's only had sexual relationships with two of the women in the group. The FBI, however, found enough evidence to claim that Raniere displayed "a disgusting abuse of power in his efforts to denigrate and manipulate women he considered his sex slaves....within this unorthodox pyramid scheme."

Raniere maintains that all the relationships he had were consensual, but Grigoriadis wasn't too sure about that. She wrote:

"A majority of women in DOS never had anything to do with Raniere sexually. And thus it is impossible to say that DOS itself was a 'sex-slave cult' rather than a sex-slave cult and a women's empowerment scheme."

Intense stuff.

[Image via A&E/YouTube.]

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