#is he a genius or a dumbass? nobody knows...........

[taonpest]

I see a lot of people drawing young Kain as this very, very handsome man and then there's mine. He's a little goblin full of mischief and if you flick him you'd break all the bones in his body

[clandestineloki]

firefighter miguel ohara x reader (VERY NSFW)

A/N: ang sabi ko december matatapos hindi ko sinabi anong year 😇

cw: smut, creampie, rough sex, things get 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

when you first moved into your tiny home, you had gotten most of your stuff into the house by yourself

and the last thing you needed to unload from ur dad's car was your night stand so you carried it since it wasnt so heavy

only you accidentally hit the doorknob with your elbow and it flew off 😭

so you're standing there pacing nervously because you just locked yourself out of your own house LMAO DUMBASS

but to your rescue comes none other than miguel

having just returned from a minor save in his whole firefighter getup (somebody's stove caught on fire in an apartment somewhere but nothing fatal thankfully)

miguel looks to the house on his left

and suddenly believes in angels.

aren't you the cutest lil damsel in distress :}

u're pacing back nd forth and he's trying so hard not to stare at your cute lil ass in those pretty peach shorts 😙

you see him and wave, "pls help, sir!! my door- like- uh- i dont know what happened please help me i have to get this inside huhu"

who is he to say no??

he cracks his knuckles and squares up, making you blush as he grunts and flexes his muscles.

BUT YOU DONT EXPECT HIM TO BREAK DOWN UR DOOR

KICKED IT RIGHT OFF THE HINGES

and strategically kicked it too bc both the door and the hinges were intact, the screws just came off

he brushes his hair back and raises an eyebrow at your wide eyes

too shocked to contradict, you take the nightstand into ur new bedroom and come back to ur porch with a glass of lemonade for him

he thanks you, smirking when you blush and look away.

fixes your door that quickly too like wow

a handyman! maybe u can switch that up and manhandl- *GUNSHOTS*

anyways

for the next week and a half you're out on your porch with ur fat little cat mochi, working on a crochet thing, it's a hobby you recently got into since you're waiting for your cable and internet to get hooked up

and the firetruck drives by and the firetruck guys are blasting music, having a laugh

but miguel oh he always makes it a point to subtly wave at you and wink

it always leaves you flustered bc a very attractive man is giving you attention??

but what if he does it to other girls?? but if he does it to other girls why did one of the truckies ruffle miguel's hair when he caught miguel doing that??

but you just leave it at that, maybe he just wants ur attention and when he has it he'll get fed up and find some other pretty girl :((

until mochi gets the genius idea to chase a screeching squirrel up the tree right between your house and miguel's

"OH MY GOD MOCHI!!!!" you yell. "mochi, please dont move!!"

miguel just got back from a boring day at work, wearing half the firefighter getup and a grey shirt.

his definition of fun is getting to show off why his nickname is "the spider". it's because he almost never uses ladders and climbs the houses with just some rope and his bare hands.

and today was just some fire drill at a high school nearby, and he's a little pissed that nobody was listening because the mic had terrible feedback.

"MOCHI BABY OH MY GOD STAY RIGHT THERE!!"

miguel's head perks up from his phone, brows furrowing when he hears you screaming. he rushes to the 3½ ft fence between your house and his to see you running to the large tree in your backyard.

"leave em', peaches," he sighed and leaned against the fence with his arms crossed. "cats naturally land on their feet, he'll come down in a second."

"NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!" you turn to him, panic clear in your voice. "HE'S BLIND!!"

"oh SHIT" miguel jumps over the fence and runs over to you. "where's the bastard?!"

you gasp at him. "ONLY I GET TO CALL HIM A BASTARD!" 

"fine, where is... it?"

"up there, MOCHI PLEASE DONT MOVE!! I'LL GET YOU BABY!"

"i wouldn't do that if i w-"

before miguel can stop you, you're already climbing the tree yourself. smirking, he lifts you off the trunk and into his arms, as if you were a cat yourself.

"peaches, you might wanna leave that to me," he chuckles riiiight up against your sensitive ear. "don't want your pretty little body getting all scratched up, mm?"

you whimper.

"miguel," you mumble, "p-put me down."

you squirm against him, but he growls and holds you closer.

"oh? and what if you're just going to do it again, mm? you gonna be a bad girl?" he asks, tracing his tongue over your earlobe, making you shiver and sink into his arms.

"m-miguel, what are you-"

"y'know bebita... you're terrible at pretending you don't look at me like you wanna fuck me..."

"wh-what?!"

the way he's carrying you reminds you an awful lot of this position you saw in porn. the full nelson. the tiny girl, all flushed and pleasure-dizzy, thighs quivering as she's pounded over and over, trapped in the thick veiny arms of her man as he subjects his little fucktoy to the roughest pounding until her brain is just as liquid as the sticky sweet potent cum leaking out of her -

"oh, look," miguel whispers, snapping you out of your dirty thoughts. mochi, despite his lack of eyesight, somehow finds his way down and glares straight through the two of you as if he can actually see the lewd way you're compromised in the arms of your handsome, secretly obsessed with you neighbor.

"there he is, the little furball," he sets you down, his hand lingering on your inner thigh a second too long as he pets the snobby little cat on his head. "your poor mami can't always save ya, y'know. i think she needs me around a lot more, hm?"

he turns to your flustered figure and smirks at your wide-eyed look. "i think you owe me a thank you."

"r-right..." you mumble, scratching the back of your neck nervously, still out of it. "th-thank you..."

to your downright embarrassment, he laughs at your pathetic attempt of speaking, and corners you against the fence.

"i think i need more than just a whisper, peaches," he drawls against your ear, one hand wandering under your shorts as he grins at the way you melt with just a little teasing.

"i'm real thirsty, bebita, so why don't you be a good girl and make me something to drink?"

which leads to right now: you're avoiding eye contact with miguel as he sits on your couch, patting at his forehead with a towel.

you're also avoiding eye contact with the very prominent bulge in his cargo pants.

you hand him a glass of ice, before turning to the fridge and looking through it.

"i-i have some orange juice, water, uh, pepsi if you want-"

"water."

you gulp. "o-okay," you take the pitcher and sit down next to him, and pouring into his glass slowly, staring at his hands because you can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes.

"bebita."

you flinch as you realize you've been pouring too much. the glass is filled to the brim.

[what you don't know is that he wishes you were too]

"s-sorry..." you mumble, scooting away from him slowly. he grabs your wrist and leans into your ear.

"can't we stop dancing around each other like we don't know where this is going?" he growls.

"wait- let me put this down!" you gasp as he pulls you onto his lap roughly, the plastic pitcher in your hands slanting and getting droplets ice-cold water down your chest.

and you have no idea how much it sounds like a dirty little moan when you go, "ngh! miguel!"

before you can even blink, you find yourself pinned down on the couch, the pitcher clattering to the floor. but your heart stops as you come face-to-face with miguel's lustful expression, his dark eyes staring into yours.

"do you have any idea what i want to do to you?"

you whimper shyly, and he curses under his breath, instinctively grinding his hips up into yours, making your breath hitch at the feeling of that right up against your crotch.

"oh you're so fucking cute," he grumbles. "think i'm really gonna break you when i put it in here..."

he torturously drags his palms up and down your legs and grinning like a madman when you whine from the sensations.

"wanted to fuck you since the moment you got here," he whispers darkly, his long fingers hooking under the waistband of your shorts and underwear. "do a little housewarming n' give you a nice, big welcome all over the couch, the bed, the shower..."

his voice trails off into a breathy shit, baby as he sees your wet pussy clenching around nothin. he looks up at your doe-eyed expression and grins.

"you gotta use your voice, pretty," he teases. "as much as i like starin' at you i can't figure out what you want~"

"i want you..." you whisper. "i want you to fuck me, miguel."

and fuck you he does. he presses his lips to yours and pushes you into the meanest mating press. "dreamed about this for so long," he growled into the kiss as he pulled down his pants. "cute little thing like you got a guy like me jerking off every night--" he starts nipping at your jawline  "--ah, like a fuckin' teenager. why am i- fuck, y're so pretty- why am i so in love with you?"

he leans back to adore your flushed, needy state, and finally, finally pulls his dick out. you squeak as he rests over your bare stomach-- thick, veiny, and leaking all over you as if he can't wait a second longer.

when he pushes into you, god, the both of you feel heavenly. it takes all his strength to not plow into you like some ruthless beast. he just bites your neck, and rocks into you slowly as his thumb draws small circles on your clit, hoping to get you to adjust to his size.

it does way more than that, because within a few seconds, you're gasping and seizing under him, twitching helplessly as an orgasm washes over you, making your tight little pussy cream all over him sofucking good.

miguel's patience only lasts a few seconds after you come before his lust overrides him and he pounds you into the couch with every bit of his strength.

"miguel! miguel! oh, fuck- too much-"

you're screaming his name over and over, your walls clenching down on him as he hits the sweetest spots in you with every thrust of his hips. your nails run down his back as he fucks you like his life depends on it, and it hurts so good he can't bring himself to care about anything but you, you, you. cute, shy, innocent, cockdrunk little you.

he's addicted. and he's yours.

miguel feels himself getting close-- and knows you're getting close too, with the way your moans are getting breathier and your eyes are glossing over.

"fuck, i'm gonna fill you up so good, peaches," he groans. "cum with me, princess. make a mess for me~"

he swallows your moans of pleasure with a kiss, and fucks your through your orgasm as his tongue fucks your mouth. you whine and cry, and he spanks the side of your thigh, making you squeak and twitch under him. his thrusts get sloppy until his eyes roll back and he almost groans when he comes, thick, white cum filling you up like you're some kind of creamy pastry.

you shakily push at his chest, but he tsks at you, simply taking your wrists and pinning them to your side as he makes out sloppily, his hips moving slowly as he pushes more of his cum into you.

"take it all, peaches," he whispers hoarsely. "then i'm gonna clean it all out with my tongue~"

"miguel! that's nasty!" you whine, but he's got his mind set on it already, lifting you over his shoulder and heading to your bedroom.

he laughs, then sets you down on the bed, flipping you over with your ass sticking out. you gasp and shiver when you feel two of his thick fingers in your pussy.

"if you think that's nasty you'd faint if i told you what i wanna do with you on your kitchen counter, peaches."

[anonymous-dentist]

From the Doctor Who au I keep meaning to write:

-

Roier’s husband disappeared into the midst of the Time War just over 350 years ago.

Today, Cellbit wants to meet Jack the Ripper, so he and Roier are pushing their ways through the foggy, smelly London streets, and it’s fine. It’s just Jack the Ripper, it’s fine. It’s the British, it’s fine.

Roier can take care of himself. He’s a veteran! He’s one of the few Time Lords to actually have made it out of the war with more than one regeneration cycle to spare.

But Cellbit? He might have a very solid build and some very nice biceps, but he’s also kind of a nerd. He claims to be able to take care of himself in a fight, but Roier’s been the one saving him from all the aliens (and humans) he’s been pissing off, sooooo…

“We could have gone to the beach,” Roier grumbles.

“The beach is boring,” Cellbit huffs. “Jack the Ripper isn’t at the beach.”

“You don’t know that. Nobody knows who that guy is.”

“Not yet.”

Because that’s what they’re here: Cellbit- strange, beautiful Cellbit- has decided that he’s going to solve the mystery of who Jack the Ripper is even though, really, it doesn’t even matter.

(But what else is new?)

Roier rolls his eyes.

Once upon a time, his husband went by the title of ‘the Captain’. He was a police captain in one of Gallifrey’s smaller towns, and his sister worked by his side as the Detective.

Cellbit is a conspiracy theorist who throws bricks at police cars and criticizes serial killers not because they’re evil but because their “knife techniques” are “wrong”.

The irony is not lost on Roier, but he keeps his mouth shut.

Cellbit, despite having an entire time machine at his disposal now, wants to find Jack the Ripper, and he wants to kick him in the balls and throw him into the Thames and watch him drown.

Roier agrees. Fuck that guy.

“Fuck that guy,” Roier declares.

Cellbit nods in agreement. “Fuck him. He had so much potential.”

Roier blinks. “What?”

“Uh, I mean. He had so much potential… to get arrested and die in jail?”

Uh-huh, sure.

Roier rolls his eyes. “I think they still do public executions here, actually.”

“What, don’t you know? Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of alien super genius?”

Cellbit’s smile is sharp as a knife. (He’s soooo proud of himself. Dumbass.)

He elbows Roier in the side.

Roier elbows him back. “Not everybody can be an ‘alien super genius’. Some of us are just guys who slept through Earth Class in school.”

Cellbit shoots him a look, his smile and eyes softening disgustingly.

“Don’t sell yourself short, man,” he says. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

He goes quiet for a second before quickly adding on: “Especially compared to us humans!”

He coughs into his fist and looks to the side, his cheeks red from embarrassment.

Oh, Cellbit…

Roier elbows Cellbit again. “Hey, be nice to humans! They can be smart as hell sometimes!”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Cellbit says, still turned away. “We can be really dumb sometimes, though. Like, with cars. And TikTok.”

“Fuck you, I love TikTok!”

“You would.”

Mildly outraged and somewhat offended, Roier gasps, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just that you look like a TikTok guy.”

“What happened to calling me a genius?”

Cellbit bites back a laugh, not answering. Asshole.

Pouting only a little, Roier crosses his arms and kicks a pebble and tries not to step in a river of alcohol and mud going down the side of the street. Ewwwww….

Once upon a time, Roier used to go on trips with his Captain all the time. They’d hop into the Captain’s TARDIS and set the destination to random and go on at least a dozen dates a week. They’d hold hands walking down the streets, and they would kiss quite literally whenever possible.

Cellbit doesn’t hold Roier’s hand. Their fingers brush, but that’s it.

(Roier misses him so bad…)

Roier’s wedding ring feels so cold. He can only imagine how freezing the chain necklace around Cellbit’s neck is.

But they keep walking, and they keep talking, and Roier can almost pretend it’s the same as it was before the war. He wasn’t on the last of his set of 12 lives, his husband wasn’t… a fucking idiot.

Cellbit trips over a loose paving stone and almost falls, but Roier catches him by the arm and pulls him back upright- their first real physical contact since Roier picked Cellbit up for that first trip away from Earth.

Just for a second, Cellbit looks like he’s going to break. His eyes water, and his mouth thins, and his lip threatens to start wobbling pathetically.

But he pulls himself together, and he pulls his arm away.

“Thank you,” he quietly says.

He holds his body close to himself and looks anywhere but at Roier.

Roier sighs, but he smiles, anyway. Of course he does. He’s Cellbit, how could Roier not smile at him?

(This, at least, has stayed the same.)

___

If you liked this little excerpt, please reblog and comment/ask/Whatever! It really does mean a lot to me, and it lets me know that people want to read more!!

[themareverine]

Until We Fall ▹masterlist | worst!Logan x mutant!fem!OC

summary: DP&W AU. It's been God knows how many years after Logan's death in North Dakota—and this wouldn't be much of a story without a shiny new villain with a hot new plan, or someone to save the world. Well, maybe two someones. Ok, you win, three. But first, you have track down that said someone—the Wolverine. And who better to do that than the girl who found him the first time? Logan/OC

a/n: *knocks on glass, looks confused* hi, anyone still here? If so, welcome in! here's my DP& W AU. i have no idea what I'm doing. this is a sequel that i'm writing kinda-sorta at the same time as my main series, Mare & the Wolverine, and yes, please know, this is kinda self-insert-y. let me live, will you? reposting from my old account, OC is a mutant.

series masterlist | nav | | next

It's Called an Intro, Motherf******

Hi, welcome to the fuc–I mean freak, show. Don't want to blow the whole damn budget on the first 2.5 seconds of page time, right? Critics, good God–they're the worst. One sentence in and they'll judge the whole effin' book, hook line and sinker without even getting to the plot. Frickin' internet has made everyonea literary genius. Not.

ANYWAY—you're probably wondering what the eff I'm doing in the middle of this shitshow, huh? A story that isn't mine, hell—a story that isn't even technically writtenyet. That's a Fox thing. Or an MCU thing. Or a….thing, I guess? Dunno, this habit of timelines and then redoing and undoing them like a nun unbuckling a priests robes in a spittin' hurry after church is getting old—nobody really knows what the heck is going on. But, that's showbiz, right?

Rabbit trail, sorry. Frickin' brain. Anyway, yes–here. Ahem.

Well, really, we've got ourselves a Code Redpool (see what I did there?) with this one—someone trying to take over the world, rattle some cages, all that jazz. And if you didn't already know, such sticky little cumsucking messes requires a little bit more than a mercenary with a mouth. We already know I can't—don't—save the world. Despite what the box office may lend. It's above my paygrade, my hero tier. This rated R mothereffer hasn't gotten there yet, not on his own. Maybe another million or fifty.

Could be different this go around, though. Who effin' knows. All I know is that to save a world, to make a story, you need a couple of things—a smashin' budget, a whole helluva lot of copyright law, and a hero. An "anchor being," because Marvel has to be frickin' special. Sometimes two when the situation is Redpool, like it is. Maybe three, because I'll be EFFED if I'm not part of this one. Earnin' my stripes, going all Tony the Tiger and shit. You know the drill.

To help me out, I need the big guy. Yeah. Not Jesus, though it could be argued He's a factor, here. Very non denominational, very off script, very demure. Think more…yellow. Feral, as it were. Canadian. Yeah, dumbass—we need the Wolverine. The guy with the forks, the mutton chops from the 70s that were definitely a…choice. Logan. Yeah, him. Mr. Feral Forest Weasel himself.

And we'll probably need someone who can help us get to Logan, since he wouldn't know me from fresh effin' ADAM. If you saw Logan, you'll understand. Though it didn't happen exactly that way, because this is an AU—that fanfiction shit, you know. Sigh. We need someone who's tamed the beast, has clawed under all that adamantium and seen the hero where a trainwreck of a multiple-movies-gone-bad guy has stood.

A girl, genius. We need a girl. And lucky for you, delightful little fourth-wallians, I've got just the one.

Buckle up, mothereffer's—shit's about to get Wolverine-d.

Contents ➳❥ somewhere in the past, north dakota (in other words, the prologue) ➳❥ always sinners, rarely saints

[7nessasaryevils]

I'm back with things that made me clutch my chest, snap my neck, scream into the void etc etc... from ep 6 of Wandee Goodday.

Settle in my loves, we're in for one heck of a ride!

- starting us off strong with Yak waking up Dee, pouting about them not being able to see each other for a week because of the training camp, THE HEAD RUFFLE AND FOREHEAD KISS.... HELP ME IM GOING TO KILL THEM

- we're also back to the elephant pants and I cannot describe my happiness at seeing Yak wearing something that makes him comfortable while being with Dee

- that whole fucking montage... look at these domestic "we're just fuck buddies" assholes. Gentlemen, you wouldn't know "fuck buddies" if they were sucking your dick....

- TOOTHBRUSHES SIDE BY SIDE

- HES WEARING THE NECKLACE

- I had to physically stop myself from smacking my head into a wall at Yak's "I see you (Dee) more than I see her (Taem)" .... insert Scar's imsurroundedbyidiots.gif

- I love the way Dee thinks that Yoryak has no weakness? He genuinely seems surprised that Yak needs to go get trained 🥹🥹 also how worried he is when Yak explains his first loss...

- here's me toasting you Khun Yak for that sex joke 🤣👍🏽

-Patpran would be so proud... BET ERA MY BELOVED (if they fist bump I'll scream... oh phooey they didn't)

- them texting each other about their day... gwenchana gwenchana 😭😭😭

- I guess Oishi GreenTea is not sponsoring them 😅🤣

- Yak and Yei... just that scene...

- dee on the couch... quite obviously missing Yak... you dumbass ♥️🥺

- HE LEFT HIS PANTS THE- HE LEAVES CLOTHES AT DEE'S PLACE YOU DUMBASSES ARE SO INTO BOYFRIEND TERRITORY ITS OBVIOUS TO PLUTO!!

- that change in perspective... Golf... I see you and your masterful brain 👀👀👀

- HES WEARING THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNTTTTTTSSSSSSS

- Dee making a mess on the mirror on purpose (I'm not crying I'm NOT)

- sweetheart... you're in love with Yoryak... 🥹🥺♥️

- Cher? My darling? Give Yei a really good blowjob when he comes back because your hubby is fucking SMART (also yak and yei sleeping on a bed together... adorable sibling behaviour)

- me when Yak walks outside: ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh wandee is gonna show up he's gonna show up he lost the bet he's gon- OHHHHH YAK CLOSED HIS EYES AND WHEN HE OPENS THEM DEE WILL BE THERE!!!!

- me when i turned out to be right:

- "the atmosphere here is nice." "It got even better with you here." SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!

- hey pot? I believe the kettle is calling you black.

- give me a kiss... look at these two idi-

- you know when you have to put your phone down because you cannot believe the audacity? Yeah... that's me when Yak points right to his lips. Sir. You dumbass.

- my knees just gave out

- nobody hold me back im about my plant my foot into Ter's face

- KAAAAAAOOOOOOO HI BABY!!

- oh no. Oh no no no no. This is one time I do NOT WANT a whole "oh there's only one bed"!!!!

- side note: is this what happened with Billy and Babe when they went to Japan? 🤔🤔 thank you Kao 🤣♥️

- forget my foot. I'm dropping a fucking ANVIL on this asshole's face- where does Ter get off making decisions for Dee???

- DONT KISS HIM BACK OFF STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER YAK HELP!!! (edit: two mins later I was even more pissed off because Ter knows that Dee has a boyfriend, "fake" as it is, and he still tried to kiss Dee! This dickhead!!!)

- WELL DONE DEE!

- well done P'Golf!! HPV knowledge my beloved ♥️♥️

- Dee no!!! Don't think about that horse-faced dick doctor (if I had a quarter every time I said that, I'd have two quarters only... but weird for it to happen twice - fuck you Dr. Charlatan!!!)

- YAK! Come get your man!!

- I'm all for you two seeing each other again but NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET THATS HOW WE DIE!!! MOVE YOU DUMB GAYS! (Edit: Kay but now think of the fact that Dee is terrified of crossing the street and how easily he does it when it's Yak he's walking to...this is okay I'm okay I'm so okay)

- love and the city... p'golf you fucking genius

- kisses in the stairwell... gods they really want me to choke don't they?

- second time I had to put my phone down... Yoryak... I'm this close to drop-kicking you across the country

- my body is yours... and so is your heart you idiot get to that realization faster!!! Pat would be so disappointed!

- Kao coming in with those truths... my utmost respect for you sir 🫡🫡

- oh shit...

- TAEM YOU QUEEN YES!!

- DEE YOU DUMBASS NO!

- hats off to Cher and Yei being adorable and happy in their sex lives which includes phone sex!!! We approve!!!

- the side by side!!!! Interesting to think of it as a couple making love vs. a couple fucking but it's actually two couples in love... awww

- OYEI AND CHER LIP KISS THANK YOU P'GOLF!!!!

- Kao. Sir. I'm erecting temples in your honour. Making merit. Fasting. Praying for you to find someone who loves you the way you want to be loved. I'm doing it all for you because you fucking deserve it.

- the pink on Dee's face... sweetheart you're so in love with him 🥺🥺

- GROUP DATE!!!! And our resident idiot gays are in matching pants.... lord gimme strength

- feeding each oth- breathe Nessie breathe. The idiots know not how they hurt you.

- Yak recognizing that something's going on between Yei and Cher is such a lovely thing. Now if only he could realize stuff about himself and Dee!

- third time I put down my phone... but to cry because Yak remembers Dee's fear and holds his hand I'm fucking fine don't touch me

- oh no... Yei you got yourself mixed up with loan sharks! honey no!

- yak comparing the pics of him, Cher, Yei and Dee to the family picture... this epsiode really said we're going to stomp on your heart Nessie...

- they're still holding hands... fuck

- I'm begging whatever deity is listening to me: please don't let there be a scene where Dee tells the public about yak's secret place

- one more word and I'll kiss you... on the lips. (Okay but the fact that he says this and still thinks he might be in love with Taem makes me feel like this 👇🏽

- Yei you utter romantic sap 🥹🥹🥹🥹🫡

- the story of how Yei and Cher met... fucking fuck 😭😭😭

- and then ending it off with Dee knowing that no matter what his feelings, the fact that Yak is the only person who makes him feel at ease... FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK

this epsiode came for my whole existence and the next one... the next one is gonna have me on the floor THANKS!

[armedwooper]

so I've been replaying Kingdom Hearts again, been blasting through KH2.5, and had a thought. I know they play it off as a joke or something but it is really kind of sad how Sora just...doesn't know how PCs or Phones work. I don't mean in a programming way but let's be honest with ourselves Sora would be an Apple user. Now before you all jump for my throat hear me out It's not because he's bad with tech. Its because he has never had the chance to learn in the first place. Guys been fighting Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed and gods knows what others eldritch monstrosities for the past 3 or 4+ years straight. He's barely had time to relax outside of interplanetary trips. So I know its played off as a joke that "Sora doesn't know how Technology works durr hurr" but honestly all it shows to me is that you have a 17 year old who doesn't know what ordinary life is like because he got plucked out of it when he was 13 or 14. And it is absolutely NOT because he is dumb either. As of KH3 Sora is shown casting "-za" spells, which for those unaware, are the HIGHEST LEVEL VERSION OF THOSE SPELLS POSSIBLE. The only spells above those are *named* spells like the Flare series of spells, Ultima, and HOLY!!!! Sora is a fucking GENIUS because he is never shown as being taught how to make -za spells happen. No. He just figures out how to do it. Mid-Battle. So yeah Soras bad with tech because he never learned how to use a phone but don't ever assume he's a dumbass.

[misfit-mania-the-first]

I feel like Ash Williams is a really cool hero. And not just because I’m a sucker for him but also because he’s so interesting?

He’s not a genius by any means, even though he built himself a fully working metal hand. He’s not super strong, although he is tough. And he’s a dumbass and ended up causing half his own problems in the first place.

But he’s not a hero because he’s smart or strong or rich. He’s a hero because he Tries. He shrugs his shoulders and says “Nobody else is gonna do shit. Let me take a crack at it.” And of course he has a bit of an inflated ego, but he still genuinely knows he is not the smartest or the strongest or anything like that.

I like it.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

DUMBASS DUO SHOWDOWN ROUND 1 BATTLE 9

Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) & Booster Gold (Michael Carter) aka boostle VS Mustard Lesbian and Ketchup Gay from this tumblr post

btw before you vote please check out the propaganda under the cut!

btw the musical production were watching west side story (the one from 1961) and when Maria sang "i feel pretty, and witty, and gay," we all laughed

Boostle

By himself, Ted is a genius. Together, they lose braincells. Notable examples include; embezzling money from their boss to set up a casino on an island. It was destroyed by aliens. They literally become the dumbest in the room when together because they enable the shit out of each other.

One time they stole all of the money from their boss/the Justice League funds and used it to open up a casino. They planted said casino on a living island. Um also one time they steal all of Martian Manhunter's cookies and also buy out the entire stock so he can not get more (or they just buy it all, I forget lol) and they do it just as a prank. They have pied their coworker/teammate Guy Gardner. Both are usually flat broke. There is literally so much of this stuff from their JLI/JLA run and some related stories. Also they are so inseparable they are sold together as figures. Is that anything (someone in the audience coughs)

They just get so much stupider when together Ted especially is very smart in canon but being with booster just brings his silly side out I guess they pull a lot of pranks together and I don't know much about the kooey kooey kooey incident but it sounds crazy (They are also very tragic but ignore that for this poll)

The people in the vintage ad

leaning on wet paint (nobody said the gays were smart)

They are leaning on wet paint getting it all over their nice clothes. But at least it's all happy and colourful, I'm sure they'll appreciate that :)

Look, nobody said the gays were smart. These two are peak representation of that; theSE TWO, in their nice clean outfits and everything, decided to lean on THE WALLS THEY JUST PAINTED, hair and all. The paint hasn't dried. They know this; they painted the walls themselves. And yet together, they have decided to lean on the wall, knowing full well the consequences. Peak dumbass duo behavior. There was a braincell and they used it to paint a wall each and then nothing else.

[opreaadriann]

Side Story - Isaac’s First Lamb

Michael’s backyard is a patchwork of sunlight and shade, a perfect spot for a lazy afternoon. Isaac, Michael, and Vivian are sprawled across oversized bean bags, drinks in hand. Cecily’s there too, but instead of joining the others with their alcoholic beverages, she’s sipping on a tall glass of lemonade.

“You really did that kid dirty, Isaac,” Michael chuckled, reminiscing about Isaac's last lamb.

"Did I? I think he got what was coming to him. Can you imagine being that repulsive and nobody knowing?" Isaac retorted, sprawled awkwardly on his stomach in the bean bag, legs dangling high in the air.

“You literally poured intestines on him. Don’t you think that’s a bit too much?” Vivian retorts.

“Ugh, seriously. It was disgusting,” Cecily adds, feigning nausea.

“You guys don’t get it, it was meant…”

“...To reveal his biggest fears," Michael cuts in. "Yeah, yeah, we get it. But it was nasty. Just because a guy likes to occasionally spy on fat chicks changing does not mean you need to dump pig intestines on his ass.”

“Do you have a better idea you mean to share at the end of this complaint?” Isaac says while contorting his back even further as he tries to scratch himself with his foot.

Michael pauses in contemplation, then offers, “Maybe bring a real pig in a dress! Then you could have asked him if this is his type.”

Isaac's expression shifts to surprise as he stands up, “You’re a fucking genius, Michael! Holy shit, that would have been incredible! And we could have dropped the intestines on him after that!”

Michael also rises from his seat, engaging in a celebratory high-five and embrace with Isaac, “See, that’s why you should involve me in this shit too, man!”

Vivian takes a sip from her drink as she looks at the pool, “Do you guys remember how this ‘lamb game’ idiocy started?”

Isaac falls back in his bean bag, adopting a theatrical pose, reminiscent of a Roman awaiting sustenance, “Of course, how could I ever forget. It started with that girl, right? Panty sniffer?”

Cecily giggles, “No, dumbass, her name was Penny Silver.”

“Oh, right. Such a stupid name. Anyway, I remember it like it was yesterday…”

…

I was walking down the hallways, trying to get to the cafeteria and get that crispy shit Mrs. Myers used to make before, you know, the incident. Just when I was about to enter the room, BAM! I bump right into this girl.

Normally, I’m a huge gentleman. I would give her a hand and say, ‘Take my hand, m’lady,’ but I decided that this time, it wasn’t my fault. So I fall on the ground as well and wait dramatically for her to give me a hand. Turn the classic tale around, you know?

And, guess what? The bitch gets up, wipes her skirt down, and then says, “Fucking freshmen.”

🙇 Full story on Patreon. 🙇

[zoobus]

I Shall Master this Family! is a rare princess story where the art is like, outrageously skilled, unique in its consistent level of detail, unreal historical fashion dedication, so much so that it successfully carries what's an overall mid story. You might notice that it's a mid story (I certainly have) but they throw you another sumptuous princess Guinevere sleeves and you're goaded into another chapter.

Normally this isn't enough. If anything I've found too good art highlights bad writing, thoughts wandering to how the artist(s) deserves better than the slog they're supporting.

But I'm stuck with this annoying isekai girl ignoring all the more emotionally intriguing subplots in favor of chapter upon chapter of isekai-based ego-stroking (can you believe this little kid came up with this brilliant business plan? Can you believe a 9yo identified the genius of a commoner? It's like she knows everything before it happens! Lay it on thicker!) because a) artist team that can conceptualize adults over 30??? b) artist team that draws old women??? Real ones???

b2) men too though it's more impressive that they drew a beard like they've actually seen a beard before. Old guys are common but distinguished and healthy looking ones less so

c) you can tell this is based on a historical fashion because nobody invents cultural male-garb unless they're meant to be eroticized. I can't think of another story where any real attention was put into what the guys are wearing unless cleavage was involved

I don't know if I even care for the fashion itself - that there's conspicuous effort into its portrayal puts it in a class of its own. Everyone else is satisfied with the certified male love interest paizuri shirts, cravats with medievallish suits, and generic npc peasantwear.

d) I don't know how many times I've given up on a comic because the artist had a fetish for blondes, making it nigh impossible to tell anyone apart. This story takes place in a Scots-inspired land, so a sizable chunk of the cast are redheads and the endless shades of red and curl textures never gets old. I like that blondes are still sort of gingery and shout out to the colorist for not being weak, blue-eyed apologist.

It came far too late but I finally understood why Shananet fell for this loser's act when he whipped out the brown/blonde puppy combo. Wish the writers were capable of juggling plots so we could have seen more of it.

I'll have to get into it in another post but the writing flaws are grating in a skill issue way, maybe too much ambition that should have been scaled back. For example writing men as being generally less substantial, more hysterical, while making women intelligent, well-rounded, characters with depth of various alliances only works if your story focuses on the latter. If you give me cold, calculating ice queen, I won't be satisfied with the plot spending more time on the dumbass loser 30-something eldest son throwing tantrums when his stupid plans fail. Likewise, how do you think it feels learning that the cool-headed, clever woman who gave up on potentially taking over the clan for a worldwind romance was played for a simp by her (quite obviously) less intelligent husband who doesn't even hide his seething hate for her family well? It makes everyone look like a clown. Writing structure crit imminent

It's a shame but unfortunately I like the way it looks too much to drop it😔

[tearlessrain]

OC meme, 7? :3

thank! (ask meme)

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them? since nobody was specified I'll just answer for the SWTOR gang (or the ones I can think of answers for at least)

Khatte — Leaving aside the obvious one that he was a joke character who accidentally grew a backstory, his character arc has gotten a lot bleaker as I develop him. He still gets a more or less happy/hopeful ending but the man goes through some serious shit to get there and I'd only consider his ending fully happy when grading on a curve (it's definitely the best ending he could reasonably have gotten but to some degree I think the Agent has an inherent element of tragedy to them and I lean into that a fair bit with him).

Kalarros — I've developed his personal flaws a lot since his inception which has been a lot of fun. He's a Sith Warrior who by default in-game is kind of The World's Specialest Boy with plot armor like a jaeger, and I chose to commit to the bit on that, but I've greatly enjoyed finding the cracks in that outward perfection and building on them. He's spectacularly good at Being A Sith and Killing Things and Battlefield Strategizing but the man cannot scheme to save his life. literally. Baras collapsed a mineshaft on him and he did not even slightly see it coming, and then once he'd gotten revenge for that betrayal he turned around and made the exact same mistake with the Emperor (and somewhere in the middle of those two things he also made the same mistake a third time with Quinn and didn't see that coming either). He's a prodigy and a genius and a finely honed killing machine and also situationally the Galaxy's biggest dumbass.

Jial-ro — His characterization/general arc have stayed pretty consistent since I made him but I think he's had the most drastic visual change out of anyone so far. He is literally unrecognizable from the appearance he's stuck with in-game. I mean most of my cathar end up wildly diverging from their in-game appearance eventually because I love designing them with my own headcanons and shit, but he's kinda the poster child for that.

Valdrynn — well he's scottish now for some reason. but no honestly I never knew what to do with the Sith Inquisitor because the story is all over the place and the LS track, which I strongly prefer for the Inquisitor in theory, is a goddamn mess that they obviously weren't expecting anyone to play (don't come for me I know most people love the Inquisitor story but this is my blog and I feel how I feel about it). So I made him because I'm a completionist and he was just kind of there until I was like "hey I need someone to throw in the canon Alliance Commander slot, and I need to do something with this guy, and he's already a ghost lightning rod because of Circumstances, it's perfect." He's still basically a character getting dragged along by his own story like a ragdoll in the jaws of a jack russel terrier, but there's intention behind it now and I'm making it work for him.

Qohi — I made him originally with the intention of trying to make the Trooper bearable. Needless to say, this was a fool's errand. So he languished at the bottom of my character list until I had an epiphany: I'd been going about this all wrong. I'm never going to have fun trying to make the Trooper bearable, but I can have a lot of fun making the Trooper as absolutely unbearable as possible. So he turned from "attempt to somehow subvert the expectations of this character and do something to make him relatable/likable to me" to "that one relative/acquaintance every American has who joined the Marines and made it his entire personality." He's the absolute worst and everyone who's RPed with him hates his guts within five minutes and it's great.

[limetameta]

Been spitablling this idea with tennessebedward yesterday but I came to the realisation that Edward's not in any education system in Amestris since age 12, and while sure he is most definitely a genius for alchemy and math and such sciences, I figure this guy has like 0 general knowledge or history and geography knowledge. Maybe doesn't even know what a chiaroscuro is the poor man.

What I'm getting at is this, picture Solf J. Kimblee hearing Edward (age 12 and a dumbass) not know when Amestris was founded or just in general have 0 fucking clue about anything that's happened in this country. And it's at this stage where Edward's like wary of Kimblee still so if Kimblee gives him reading material and tells him to write out a summary for everything he's learned and send it to him via post because they live in different parts of amestris and him being on the runaround all the time is absolutely no excuse because if he doesn't do his homework kimblee's going to hunt him down and kill him - edward's inclined to do his homework. (he still continues doing it even after he learns kimblee won't actually kill him or his brother, because now he's in it and he's not just going to stop getting free knowledge - besides, knowing half the shit he does now is actually a pretty cool feeling you know - nobody can call him a SHORT dumbass anymore)

like i don't think a single person in team mustang even approached this subject with edward but how much knowledge can a 12 year old possibly have without a structured school setting to learn it in? unless edward's interested he's not going to crack open a book and learn it. now solf's big on knowledge and education so he'd probably be the only one to get the idea to do this.

what i'm getting at is solf probably fucking homeschools edward and i think this is the most hilarious shit i've ever thought of.

[lyssismagical]

WEDNESDAY WIP

Premise: Tony and Pepper die in the Final Battle. Peter takes over the mantle of being Morgan's guardian. Grief and angst and stress. Self-sacrificial Peter thinks Morgan comes above everything, even himself, and attempts to bury all his pain to take care of her. 17.5k words and counting

May’s taking Morgan for the day, so Peter drives her up to the city, and by the time he returns, Harley’s bike has returned.

Peter puts on a pot of coffee, makes two cups, and takes them out to the lab like he always has every morning for the past five days.

Harley, however, already has a drink.

“Drinking at eleven in the morning?” Peter says, a little more judgmental than he genuinely is.

Harley takes a swig from his Jack and Coke. “I don’t care what you think of me, just let me do it in peace.”

“Good thing Morgan’s not home.”

“I wouldn’t do it if she was.”

“Not that she really sees much of you anyway. I thought the whole point of the trip was to see your favourite kid.”

“A little busy.”

“With what?”

“Time travel, genius,” Harley deadpans. He looks exhausted, dark rings under his bloodshot eyes. There are empty energy drink cans lined up against one of the desks. “Tony, the asshole, didn’t leave any blueprints for recreating it.”

Peter stops short, a little coffee sloshing onto his hand. “What?”

Harley finally looks up from his project. “Time travel, dumbass. I’m fixing things.”

“Harley…” Peter’s sympathy gets a nasty glare from Harley. “There’s a reason the Avengers only went back once. Changing things, messing with the past, who knows what it’ll do to the future… Tony had to die for people like me to live.”

“Well too bad, Parker, because I don’t give a shit about you, I want him back,” Harley snaps.

Peter rolls his eyes. “You’re telling me you lost nobody to the snap? Nobody that you’d regret losing again?”

“No.”

“I thought you said you had people to get back to, that’s why you couldn’t stay and watch Morgan.”

Harley hesitates before saying, “My sister.”                                                                                                   

And Peter thinks fuck it all before crossing the space to the lab desk and setting down the coffees. “Want to pour me a drink?”

“The perfect golden child asking for a drink?” Harley says incredulously as he reaches for a glass.

Peter rolls his eyes. “If anyone was the golden child, don’t you think it would be the Little Missus?”

“You have no idea the way you were talked about during the gap,” Harley says with a laugh that’s more self-deprecating than anything. “I grew up the prodigy child, but nothing I did was ever going to live up to the spectacle that was Peter Parker.”

“I’m nothing special,” Peter says.

Harley pours him a Jack and Coke, slides it across the desk with a miserable grin. “If Tony heard you talking like that, he’d probably die of a heart attack.”

Peter lifts the glass up to him. “To Mister Stark.”

“To Day Drinking in his honor.”

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 12: I GO SNOWBOARDING WITH A PIG

Nico's hands were shaking as he took the book, his stomach burned so bad he didn't know what was going to come up if he puked from stress right now. Last time he'd had this thing Percy had nearly killed them all again, which wasn't strictly his fault. Anybody could have gotten the chapter over Annabeth in this circle, but he was still being a naïve child on some level thinking it wouldn't come around again. Just like Bianca wanted, and the more he tried to let go of his anger about her the less he knew how to feel. How was it every time he got this stupid book it was worse than the last-

A warm brush against his shoulder chased away the cold dread. He didn't think much of it as he exhaled in relief to see the blurry words finally come into focus. He read the new, strange as usual chapter title with a hysterical sounding laugh of relief. Bianca hadn't been killed by a pig, he still had a little more time...and no escape plan in sight...

It was Thalia who went ghastly pale and leaned back in her seat. Percy had called her out right after this incident. They would know, and the teasing would never end.

"Question," Jason asked politely, "does the pig snowboard on two feet or all fours?"

"No, the real question is, is Percy better or worse than the swine?" Alex snickered.

"I've never been snowboarding," Magnus said, it was always something he heard snooty rich people talking about like the snow in Boston wasn't good enough for them. "Is a pig the judge we should be using skill level, or Percy?"

"Can't be to much worse than a skateboard?" But Percy sounded no more convinced this was something he shouldn't be concerned about as he looked from the book to Thalia with one of those uneasy feelings again. Whatever her problems with Apollo's bus seemed to have been a one time thing, but she'd been under a near constant state of distress same as him between Annabeth, Luke, and him. Gods he wished he could do anything to give her a break.

Nico was still licking his lips and hesitating to start, Will was making some joke about Miss Piggy nobody seemed to get but was keeping attention. Percy asked as quietly as he could to her, "want to take a break?" Wondering if she'd said no last time because he'd put her on the spot.

"No," she said again, but she breathed just a smidge easier as she grinned at him again for the offer. "Just, just want to get through this." Percy took every jab about his genius-dumbass with a smile. Percy had never said another word about her fear, he'd even gone out of his way to help her avoid it later, but she didn't have the same hope about the others. Jason would laugh himself stupid when she told him the truth and claim there was no way possible they were related when he heard this. Magnus, for as much as he looked like his cousin, would tell her that made no sense given her parentage. Alex's nose might fall off she'd start laughing so hard. And oh Gods, Will and Nico were going to go tell everybody at Camp, she'd never be able to show her face there again. She didn't really know Rachel that well, but the mortal Oracle would probably think it just as weird a demigod even had a flaw.

Jason was threatening to wrap the book in bacon though if they didn't all get on with it. Nico looked no more pleased than her to turn to the words, so hopefully he'd read quickly and just get it over with.

We'd arrived on the outskirts of a little ski town nestled in the mountains. The sign said WELCOME TO CLOUDCROFT, NEW MEXICO. The air was cold and thin. The roofs of the cabins were heaped with snow, and dirty mounds of it were piled up on the sides of the streets. Tall pine trees loomed over the valley,

"Did seeing those make you homesick?" Percy smirked at Thalia.

"Do you want a fish shoved up your nose?" She asked back pleasantly.

casting pitch-black shadows, though the morning was sunny.

Even with my lion-skin coat, I was freezing by the time we got to Main Street, which was about half a mile from the train tracks. As we walked, I told Grover about my conversation with Apollo the night before—how he'd told me to seek out Nereus in San Francisco.

Grover looked uneasy. "That's good, I guess. But we've got to get there first."

I tried not to get too depressed about our chances. I didn't want to send Grover into a panic, but I knew we had another huge deadline looming, aside from saving Artemis in time for her council of the gods. The General had said Annabeth would only be kept alive until the winter solstice. That was Friday, only four days away. And he'd said something about a sacrifice. I didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Do multiple motivations help get you there faster?" Magnus asked uneasily. He'd settle for some woodland magic from Grover or Apollo breaking the laws of dimension again to get there already.

"Unified goal," Thalia nodded.

We stopped in the middle of town. You could pretty much see everything from there: a school, a bunch of tourist stores and cafes, some ski cabins, and a grocery store.

"Great," Thalia said, looking around. "No bus station. No taxis. No car rental. No way out."

"There's a coffee shop!" said Grover.

"Yes," Zoe said. "Coffee is good."

"How old is coffee?" Rachel asked in surprise. "I'm just imagining her calling our version that we drown in sugar and creamer weak."

"I have no idea," Thalia admitted, "15th century or something? She drank it black." The Hunters still offered a moment of silence to her and all their fallen sisters every full moon over a steaming hot cup.

Percy would swear his ear twitched over something. Zoe speaking in her gruff way again, even something they could all agree on, coffee was good. It was just so different from the way she'd spoken in his dream. That must be why Thalia's words rung strangely in his head.

"And pastries," Grover said dreamily. "And wax paper."

Thalia sighed. "Fine. How about you two go get us some food. Percy, Bianca, and I will check in the grocery store.

Percy arched a curious brow about that for reasons unknown to him. Something about her had been clicking in the back of his mind like an annoying pen, and Nico making strange tongue tied faces every time she was didn't help at all to figure out why he still swore he vaguely recognized them. They'd yet had a chance to continue their peculiar conversation from the train where apparently she found subways popping up.

There was no obvious link except Bianca was who Thalia would soon be, but he hoped she shared with them what other line he was trying to draw.

Maybe they can give us directions."

We agreed to meet back in front of the grocery store in fifteen minutes. Bianca looked a little uncomfortable coming with us, but she did.

Nico tried not to let himself puzzle at that. He felt like he never knew his sister well enough to understand anything about her. Did the uncomfortableness come from Percy, and she already hated males? Was it Thalia, and Zoe's dislike of her rubbed off already? She hadn't much to do on this quest so far except help them escape the helicopter. It's not like he had any way of guessing if she was missing him at all.

Inside the store, we found out a few valuable things about Cloudcroft: there wasn't enough snow for skiing,

"So the pig is going to have to work for it, got it," Alex snorted.

the grocery store sold rubber rats for a dollar each,

"The highlight of the town I'm sure," Jason said with a cheerful smile for this small town economy.

and there was no easy way in or out of town unless you had your own car.

Percy was rubbing his forehead in exhaustion, but he knew he'd never get any decent sleep so long as Annabeth was in danger. "This is one of those towns I can't imagine growing up in, it's so isolated and creepy."

"New York Pride Cap aside, I am with Percy," Thalia sighed. She felt like a serial killer or a monster could make that town vanish in five minutes.

"You could call for a taxi from Alamogordo," the clerk said doubtfully. "That's down at the bottom of the mountains, but it would take at least an hour to get here. Cost several hundred dollars."

The clerk looked so lonely, I bought a rubber rat.

Which caused multiple laughs around Percy who grinned indulgently.

"I hope your mother never gives you pocket change, you'd go broke walking around Central Park," Rachel chuckled.

"No, no, we encourage this behavior," Alex nodded. "I will make all the rubber rats you like Percy!"

"If I wake up with a rat in my bed tomorrow Alex, you'll find it in your nightmares," Percy promised.

Then we headed back outside and stood on the porch.

"Wonderful," Thalia grumped. "I'm going to walk down the street, see if anybody in the other shops has a suggestion."

"But the clerk said—"

"I know," she told me. "I'm checking anyway."

I let her go. I knew how it felt to be restless. All half-bloods had attention deficit problems because of our inborn battlefield reflexes. We couldn't stand just waiting around.

Also, I had a feeling Thalia was still upset over our conversation last night about Luke.

"Look at Percy getting a gold star," Thalia gave him a friendly enough smile now and he grinned back in relief. He hoped her good mood with him again didn't stem from him getting turned into a pig.

Bianca and I stood together awkwardly. I mean... I was never very comfortable talking one-on-one with girls anyway, and I'd never been alone with Bianca before. I wasn't sure what to say, especially now that she was a Hunter and everything.

"Nice rat," she said at last.

"Now there's a compliment you just don't get to hear very often," Magnus chuckled.

I set it on the porch railing. Maybe it would attract more business for the store.

"Pretty sure that's the opposite of how that works," Will told him in concern. "Is it a New York staple to see rats and want to go there?"

"It was a very cute rubber rat," Percy said with a straight face. "Great attention to detail."

"So... how do you like being a Hunter so far?" I asked.

The question felt strange coming off of Nico's lips. He'd never gotten the chance to ask her that. He hesitated reading the next sentence because his mind was floundering if he'd get a different answer than she'd give Percy. Which was the lie and truth?

She pursed her lips. "You're not still mad at me for joining, are you?"

"Nah. Long as, you know... you're happy."

"I'm not sure 'happy' is the right word, with Lady Artemis gone. But being a Hunter is definitely cool. I feel calmer somehow. Everything seems to have slowed down around me. I guess that's the immortality."

Jason ruffled uneasily as Nico swallowed. That didn't feel like a great answer to him either, watching Thalia nod in agreement. Diana was a just goddess and cared about her followers, but Bianca hadn't known her long enough to be more than told this, let along grasp it herself. Something in him struggled with her blind faith, and yet sympathized with it.

I stared at her, trying to see the difference. She did seem more confident than before, more at peace. She didn't hide her face under a green cap anymore. She kept her hair tied back, and she looked me right in the eyes when she spoke. With a shiver, I realized that five hundred or a thousand years from now, Bianca di Angelo would look exactly the same as she did today. She might be having a conversation like this with some other half-blood long after I was dead, but Bianca would still look twelve years old.

Thalia had wrestled with this aspect, her salvation and disconnection. Annabeth would forever age past her, happy with Percy while she'd gotten her own family in the Hunters. Now Jason would too. She did not regret her choice, she knew if she'd even been told Jason were still out there before Artemis had accepted her vow she would have gone through with it and taken her place to heart that day on the Solstice. She would not be the child of the prophecy.

But what if she'd known the moment she fell out of the tree? Any time she was on the run? Would she have been able to make the same choice as Bianca and hope Jason would still be fine without her, the potential child of the Prophecy himself just to save herself from that choice? It was a question that had no answer, but she longed more every passage to speak to a Hunter sister she'd never properly gotten to know. Bianca was truly a girl who could have understood so much of her life like no other.

"Nico didn't understand my decision," Bianca murmured. She looked at me like she wanted assurance it was okay.

Nico somehow went even more flummoxed at that. Should he want Percy to be angry on his behalf again, or defend Bianca's choice too like he was trying to come to terms with now. He was starting to get such a splitting headache the words were blurring right off the page.

"Nico?" A soft, gentle voice said right beside him. It wasn't Bianca's, but it had the same soothing way about it he hadn't heard in a very long time now. He wasn't even sure if some of those memories were fake or real. "Did you want a break?"

Will watched in concern as Nico dragged his eyes to look at him. Will wished he could just say Nico could read this to himself, but that wouldn't be fair to Percy, this was his memory, they were just visiting. This was so personal to both of them. If he could just get a spare moment where everybody broke off he could ask if Nico and Percy wanted to read this part by themselves, Will would find a way to make that happen.

Nico very much wanted to say yes. He wanted another fruitless search about this place to try and get out again. He wanted to bury this book six feet deep before he had to hear what had happened to his sister in explicit detail, but he wanted to stop sitting around waiting on tenterhooks for that pain to drop more.

Then the pity would come, and maybe Percy would try to talk to him. Percy honestly didn't know if Annabeth was alive right now, it would be the most grounded conversation they'd ever have.

"No," Nico answered quickly, trying to clear his throat and not show how tired of this he was.

Nico still didn't seem to notice how the darkness got a little more depth around him every time he said his sisters name, a black hole slowly but steadily opening in the wall.

"He'll be all right," I said. "Camp Half-Blood takes in a lot of young kids. They did that for Annabeth."

Nico's scoff was painful to his own ears. Now even Percy was drawing lines between him and Annabeth, as if he could ever be anything like that golden girl.

Bianca nodded. "I hope we find her. Annabeth, I mean. She's lucky to have a friend like you."

"Lot of good it did her."

Nico couldn't stop himself glancing up at Percy, a cautious hopeful feeling they could talk about this too. Their guilt. It wouldn't erase it, but Percy had been carrying that on him this whole time and understand Nico's own grief he hadn't been there in the one moment where it mattered most.

Percy was looking right through him, as usual, even while holding the book. Nico was even quite proud of himself now looking back that hadn't been bothering him yet, always fidgeting with his pen and watching Thalia while only glancing at the book. The purple spine. Not him. He tried to take comfort in that, surely if Bianca's death was coming any time soon Percy would have some lingering memory to keep an eye on him?

"Don't blame yourself Percy. You risked your life to save my brother and me. I mean, that was seriously brave. If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have felt okay about leaving Nico at the camp. I figured if there were people like you there, Nico would be fine.

Nico's laugh was a little more harsh than he'd mean it to be, and the joke was only funny to him. Was he fine? Objectively not, roaming the world and contemplating going into Tartarus to find a goal in life. The fact that she'd factored this at all though was a kindness he hadn't expected. Better than just not caring at all.

It was a strange thing to laugh at to anyone else, who as usual just seemed to think Nico odd.

Except Will, who was probably growing to nosy levels of curiosity wanting to ask. Crap, he needed a medical text book to keep him distracted, he was starting to become a little obsessed wondering at every single reaction of his.

You're a good guy."

The compliment took me by surprise. "Even though I knocked you down in capture the flag?"

She laughed. "Okay. Except for that, you're a good guy."

"Seconded," Rachel laughed, and he tried to kill her when they first met.

"Eh," Thalia smirked, "you're not the worst boy I've met." Her smirk grew as she put an eerie, Zoe like accent on use of the word boy.

"Why thank you," he told them both with a surprised smile, he wasn't used to getting so many compliments. "I hope I hold to that standard."

A couple hundred yards away, Grover and Zoe came out of the coffee shop loaded down with pastry bags and drinks. I kind of didn't want them to come back yet. It was weird, but I realized I liked talking to Bianca. She wasn't so bad. A lot easier to hang out with than Zoe Nightshade, anyway.

Nico let out a spluttered noise that might have been a laugh if he'd stop trying to smother it. Oh the irony, Percy couldn't stand him, but his sister was okay!

Percy watched him now, in concern what that noise was, while Will bit his lip to hide a smile. He didn't add that to his list of times he'd heard Nico laugh though, it held to much self deprecation in it.

"So what's the story with you and Nico?" I asked her. "Where did you go to school before Westover?"

Nico decided he'd rather eat this book page by page than keep reading, his hands were now visibly trembling in frustration of how she was about to answer that. The false memories, the cloudy haze of feelings that had lingered in shadowed faces he couldn't remember but knew were there. Nightmares that had started that first night at camp and chased him to this day. He knew his mothers face now, her voice, but his dreams kept forgetting.

"Sorry Nico," Percy's voice still stunned him through the heart, but it was more of a jolt than a whole band number when he looked around.

"You were curious," he said, trying his hardest to keep the defensiveness out of his voice. "If Bianca's okay answering, so am I."

Will was waiting for it now and felt the icy chill blast through the room, as everybody else shivered and looked at Percy but he still saw Nico's shadow flutter. Percy, Bianca, Will tugged nervously on his ear and started to get a concrete theory about Nico he was beginning to suspect the guy himself had never confronted.

She frowned. "I think it was a boarding school in D.C. It seems like so long ago."

"It always does," Magnus agreed with a wince. It scared him how the mundane of shuffling around town looking for something to sustain him all blurred together, he'd go days without remembering his mothers voice before it was punched into his ear by any innocent person on the street saying the randomest things.

"You never lived with your parents? I mean, your mortal parent?"

"We were told our parents were dead. There was a bank trust for us. A lot of money, I think. A lawyer would come by once in a while to check on us. Then Nico and I had to leave that school."

"Why?"

She knit her eyebrows. "We had to go somewhere. I remember it was important. We traveled a long way. And we stayed in this hotel for a few weeks.

Nico's voice quivered, just a slight pitch up and down that could pass as him catching his breath. It only confirmed something Will had guessed at when Percy traveled through Vegas, and his plans to burn down that place only solidified.

And then... I don't know. One day a different lawyer came to get us out. He said it was time for us to leave. He drove us back east, through D.C. Then up into Maine. And we started going to Westover."

It was a strange story.

"Understatement," Rachel promised, but her tone was all open curiosity to hear more. She'd been following Chiron around near constantly while at Camp asking him to start transcribing all stories of who passed through. She was whittling him down bribe by bribe on upgrades via Dare Enterprise. Those new saddle bags should arrive by the time they got back and she was sure he'd say yes this time.

Then again, Bianca and Nico were half-bloods. Nothing would be normal for them.

"So you've been raising Nico pretty much all your life?" I asked. "Just the two of you?"

She nodded. "That's why I wanted to join the Hunters so bad. I mean, I know it's selfish, but I wanted my own life and friends. I love Nico—don't get me wrong—I just needed to find out what it would be like not to be a big sister twenty-four hours a day."

She'd never said that to him. She'd go on and on about what things he should and shouldn't be watching, eating, which kids at school he should talk to. He'd never asked her to do all that, all she would have had to do was say she wanted some space!

"Breathe Nico," a quiet voice said beside him.

He did out of shock, the breath shuddering out of him as his ears popped. He'd almost forgotten where he was. He'd been so lost he'd been convinced for a moment his sister was back and actually explaining herself to him. A rush of gratitude had him smile at Will for just a moment before just as quickly looking away. He wished he were alone for this, but his presence didn't feel intruding. He was just used to being alone.

I thought about last summer, the way I'd felt when I found out I had a Cyclops for a baby brother. I could relate to what Bianca was saying.

Percy had been ashamed of Tyson until he lost him. Nico really hoped it hadn't taken his sister her last breath to decide she should still want something to do with him.

"Not like that Nico," Percy's voice made him jump. He looked around in surprise what he'd done to get his full attention, and felt his stomach plummet to see the apology on his lips. He didn't want to imagine the look that had been on his face to earn that again.

"I know," Nico brushed off. "All siblings are different, whatever." Percy hadn't abandoned Tyson at camp when he could have. Maybe that was finally it, she was ashamed of him. She'd always called his game dumb and lame. 'Look at me now Bianca, all grown up,' he mentally scoffed for her.

"Zoe seems to trust you," I said. "What were you guys talking about, anyway— something dangerous about the quest?"

"When?"

"Yesterday morning on the pavilion," I said, before I could stop myself. "Something about the General."

"I'm with Alex on this very important point," Thalia snorted. "You have no filter. Who admits to ease dropping?"

"Worth it if she answers?" Percy said without thinking.

"If I ever catch you ease dropping on me I'll pin your feet to the floor," she promised.

"Seconded," Alex needlessly added, but her name had been invoked in the conversation, which was enough of an excuse for her.

Her face darkened. "How did you... The invisibility hat. Were you eavesdropping?"

"No! I mean, not really. I just—"

I was saved from trying to explain when Zoe and Grover arrived with the drinks and pastries. Hot chocolate for Bianca and me. Coffee for them. I got a blueberry muffin, and it was so good I could almost ignore the outraged look Bianca was giving me.

That caused some mild spluttering laughter from them to Percy's chagrin, especially when Rachel asked, "still enjoy talking to her now?"

"I'll get back to you on that," Percy said without much regret.

"We should do the tracking spell," Zoe said. "Grover, do you have any acorns left?"

"Are they special acorns from a sacred grove watered with the tears of unicorns?" Magnus asked in a resigned tone.

"You say that like it's not going to be done by a satyr," Thalia shrugged in answer. "Even half-bloods can't fully wrap their minds around how woodland magic works."

Jason always looked just as confused as Magnus whenever they were mentioned, and Thalia deeply wondered at that. Where exactly had he been where monsters and gods didn't phase him but the good creatures that assisted their camp didn't strike his past?

"Umm," Grover mumbled. He was chewing on a bran muffin, wrapper and all. "I think so. I just need to—"

He froze.

I was about to ask what was wrong, when a warm breeze rustled past, like a gust of springtime had gotten lost in the middle of winter. Fresh air seasoned with wildflowers and sunshine. And something else—almost like a voice, trying to say something. A warning.

"Is the God of pigs going to show up and give you a ride next?" Alex asked eagerly. This sounded like some serious mojo going on, and the warning hadn't been mentioned as good or bad.

Zoe gasped. "Grover, thy cup."

Grover dropped his coffee cup, which was decorated with pictures of birds. Suddenly the birds peeled off the cup and flew away—a flock of tiny doves. My rubber rat squeaked. It scampered off the railing and into the trees—real fur, real whiskers.

Grover collapsed next to his coffee, which steamed against the snow. We gathered around him and tried to wake him up. He groaned, his eyes fluttering.

"Hey!" Thalia said, running up from the street. "I just... What's wrong with Grover?"

"I don't know," I said. "He collapsed."

"Uuuuuhhhh," Grover groaned.

"Well, get him up!" Thalia said. She had her spear in her hand. She looked behind her as if she were being followed. "We have to get out of here."

Percy didn't need to ask, his hands were already in motion to grab Grover before his mind caught up with his body and his best friend wasn't at his feet.

Thalia was smiling and gave him a friendly nudge. "At least that lack of thinking comes in handy when we need it."

"Here to help," he chuckled.

We made it to the edge of the town before the first two skeleton warriors appeared.

"I'm curious what they plan to do with you if they'd killed you," Alex admitted. "They don't feed you to a pig to hide the evidence do they?"

"I didn't stop to ask," Percy told, and he was holding to that now by refusing to let himself wonder what the hell Alex meant by that.

They stepped from the trees on either side of the road. Instead of gray camouflage, they were now wearing blue New Mexico State Police uniforms, but they had the same transparent gray skin and yellow eyes.

They drew their handguns. I'll admit I used to think it would be kind of cool to learn how to shoot a gun, but I changed my mind as soon as the skeleton warriors pointed theirs at me.

For the first time in these horrible about to die situations, Percy took a moment to thank whoever cared to listen to his prayer his mother wasn't here. She wouldn't have been any happier about monsters nearly killing him every other chapter, but there was something so, modern about a gun being pointed at him. A childhood fear he'd never experienced but had seen plenty of stories about. A weapon he'd always thought of in the hands of cops and mortals first instead of zombies, that now made his mothers troubled blue eyes come clearly to mind.

Thalia tapped her bracelet. Aegis spiraled to life on her arm, but the warriors didn't flinch. Their glowing yellow eyes bored right into me.

"That was terrifying," Will whispered, and it wasn't a joke. He meant every word. Any creature that didn't flinch from that made him wish for an endless amount of Greek fire.

I drew Riptide, though I wasn't sure what good it would do against guns.

Zoe and Bianca drew their bows, but Bianca was having trouble because Grover kept swooning and leaning against her.

"If I wasn't so worried about him I'd smack him myself," Percy groaned his best friend wouldn't stop the gawking now.

"Back up," Thalia said.

We started to—but then I heard a rustling of branches. Two more skeletons appeared on the road behind us. We were surrounded.

Jason let out a string of swears that didn't need translation. "They're intelligent!"

"Percy makes good plans and we don't call him intelligent," Thalia sighed.

"Can we mock me after we're done almost dying?" Percy asked without any hope.

Which Rachel aptly delivered. "That's never."

I wondered where the other skeletons were. I'd seen a dozen at the Smithsonian. Then one of the warriors raised a cell phone to his mouth and spoke into it.

Except he wasn't speaking. He made a clattering, clicking sound, like dry teeth on bone.

Nico felt Percy's eyes on him again. The intensity, the way the water moved around them again as he tried to connect a dot.

He just didn't care right now as he wondered again about his sister. Had she understood what they said and been freaked out? It took a bit of practice to understand perfectly, but if she'd gotten even an inkling of an idea she was the only one, what could he even hope for anymore? That she was freaked out at these crazy powers and anything associated with them, like him? That she'd used it to try and help save Percy?

Suddenly I understood what was going on. The skeletons had split up to look for us. These skeletons were now calling their brethren. Soon we'd have a full party on our hands.

"It's near," Grover moaned.

"It's here," I said.

"No," he insisted. "The gift. The gift from the Wild."

"A wild, pig?" Alex asked in confusion. It really was nice to see everyone as confused about this as Percy for once, even Thalia who still wasn't really sure how Pan had come to the conclusion he had sending that beast.

I didn't know what he was talking about, but I was worried about his condition. He was in no shape to walk, much less fight.

"Goaty-back ride," Will said with a straight face. "Leave no man behind."

"I don't intend to," Percy agreed confidently, something he and Zoe actually had in common.

"We'll have to go one-on-one," Thalia said. "Four of them. Four of us. Maybe they'll ignore Grover that way."

"Agreed," said Zoe.

Percy and Thalia fist bumped. Percy was even about to make the ardent comment to tell her to thank Zoe for him for a moment before his stomach curdled. The silver circlet on his friends head so like Zoe's held his tongue. It didn't seem likely when Thalia had joined Zoe had just casually stepped down from her position, so it might be a sore subject.

"The Wild!" Grover moaned.

"Better than moaning about food again," Magnus said in concern how often this poor guy was left on the verge of passing out.

A warm wind blew through the canyon, rustling the trees, but I kept my eyes on the skeletons. I remembered the General gloating over Annabeth's fate. I remembered the way Luke had betrayed her.

And I charged.

"Well those zombies are dead," Jason said casually.

"I'd almost feel bad for them if they weren't hell bent on killing you guys," Alex nodded with a still curious pucker to her lips. "Do they have souls? Like how sentient are these killing machines? Should I feel bad?"

"No," Thalia answered darkly before Nico could impulsively answer. The level threat in her voice against the skeletons made their worry go up another notch, that they hadn't even seen the beginning of how bad these murderous attempts would go.

The first skeleton fired. Time slowed down. I won't say I could see the bullet, but I could feel its path, the same way I felt water currents in the ocean. I deflected it off the edge of my blade and kept charging.

Nico choked on his words by the end, still shamefully etching that into his mind with the usual rise and fall of awe and then disgust at himself. He knew he didn't have a chance and he still couldn't help panting over every single thing Percy did like a child.

"That was seriously badass Percy," Will told him in the same kind of adoration. "Please tell me you saved that bullet and carved your name into it, there's space in your cabin to frame it."

"I will not be doing autographs at this time," Percy said with one of those cheeky grins that made the whole campfire burn bright white with laughter and reach to the stars. Nico usually backed away as fast as possible from the crowds reverence of him, convinced someone would spot his otherness in his false chuckle, but he couldn't do that in here.

"Well at the very least promise to have this in your next reenactment," Will insisted.

"What reenactment?" Percy asked, his confidence clearly slipping. "Please tell me you're joking about those Will!"

Thalia swiftly cut in as the snickers subsided, "if Chiron hears of any of you even thinking of bringing a gun to camp to try he'll pin a tail on all of you."

"Not a real gun," Will looked offended at the assumption while Nico harshly cleared his throat to try and keep going. At least the blush had left his face.

The skeleton drew a baton and I sliced off his arms at the elbows. Then I swung Riptide through his waist and cut him in half.

"Gruesome," Jason said complimentary. He didn't even know if he had any sword fighting capabilities, but he really wanted to test that theory on a mock battle with Percy to find out.

His bones unknit and clattered to the asphalt in a heap. Almost immediately, they began to move, reassembling themselves. The second skeleton clattered his teeth at me and tried to fire, but I knocked his gun into the snow.

I thought I was doing pretty well, until the other two skeletons shot me in the back.

"Percy!" Thalia screamed.

Thalia's heart still skipped a beat. She still heard the cry ripped from her throat as every emotion fractured through her to fast. Her guilt, she'd wanted him gone, but not like this. She hadn't been fast enough. Her horror, there would be so much blood, she'd have to find a way to wrap his body in a shroud fast. Her pleading words to Annabeth all as useless as the next to try and explain what had happened and maybe Annabeth would cry all night on her shoulder this time, or blame her-

I landed facedown in the street. Then I realized something... I wasn't dead. The impact of the bullets had been dull, like a push from behind, but they hadn't hurt me.

The Nemean Lion's fur! My coat was bulletproof.

Thalia charged the second skeleton.

She'd been in motion before she'd even realized that was him sitting up, not even dazed as he spat out snow and looked on in surprise at that goofy brown duster. Only vengeance had been in her heart to fell this one threat, do this one thing and dismantle that skeleton every bone at a time for daring to make her think the worst, lose another friend again. By the time she'd realized he didn't have a scratch on him she was to busy trying to calm her racing heart he wasn't a new skeleton warrior himself as they were being chased up a hill by a pig, and he'd in turn saved her own life. It's just how they were.

Zoe and Bianca started firing arrows at the third and fourth. Grover stood there and held his hands out to the trees, looking like he wanted to hug them.

"Wouldn't be the first time, but even an Aphrodite kid wouldn't stop in the middle of a fight to flirt," Rachel shook her head in unease where this was going.

There was a crashing sound in the forest to our left, like a bulldozer. Maybe the skeletons' reinforcements were arriving. I got to my feet and ducked a police baton. The skeleton I'd cut in half was already fully re-formed, coming after me.

There was no way to stop them. Zoe and Bianca fired at their heads point-blank, but the arrows just whistled straight through their empty skulls. One lunged at Bianca, and I thought she was a goner, but she whipped out her hunting knife and stabbed the warrior in the chest.

The whole skeleton erupted into flames, leaving a little pile of ashes and a police badge.

Percy shivered slightly at the look that had been on her face. Just for a brief moment as her reflexes went in for a killing blow. Something in the grim set of her mouth that made a hazy vision of a dark throne room try blossoming to mind.

Alex's eyes instantly gleamed with want, even Magnus and Jason looked equally impressed as they were confused.

"Where do I get one of those?" Alex demanded.

"Why did you not lead with those?" Jason asked.

Thalia kept her hunting knife sheathed and her smile flippant as she laughed off, "it would ruin our brand to start with the short range weapon," while Percy was once again looking as close to seasick as he could get studying Nico. He had the book so close to his face it looked like he was trying to implant the words into his nose.

"How did you do that?" Zoe asked.

Their confusion overruled their interest though as they realized Zoe, and maybe even Thalia didn't know how Bianca had done that. Which certainly made that, strange. Even by these books standards.

"I don't know," Bianca said nervously. "Lucky stab?"

"Well, do it again!"

Bianca tried, but the remaining three skeletons were wary of her now. They pressed us back, keeping us at baton's length.

"Plan?" I said as we retreated.

Nobody answered. The trees behind the skeletons were shivering. Branches were cracking.

"A gift," Grover muttered.

And then, with a mighty roar, the largest pig I'd ever seen came crashing into the road.

"Well that's one way to keep attention off a skeleton for a moment," Magnus muttered.

It was a wild boar, thirty feet high, with a snotty pink snout and tusks the size of canoes. Its back bristled with brown hair, and its eyes were wild and angry.

"I would be too if I walked in on this mess in my backyard," Jason frowned.

"Excuse me while I faint for a moment," Magnus shuddered head to toe. His mom had told him about wild pigs and how vicious they were. The normal ones.

"REEEEEEEEET!" it squealed, and raked the three skeletons aside with its tusks. The force was so great, they went flying over the trees and into the side of the mountain, where they smashed to pieces, thigh bones and arm bones twirling everywhere.

"I always wanted to sing the bone song, I bet these guys would make great background noise," Will said while still batting his eyes at the abrupt change.

Then the pig turned on us.

Thalia raised her spear, but Grover yelled, "Don't kill it.'"

The boar grunted and pawed the ground, ready to charge.

"I think the boar agrees," Alex mock whispered.

"That's the Erymanthian Boar," Zoe said, trying to stay calm. "I don't think we can kill it."

"Zoe still keeping up with the positive note," Nico sighed.

"It's a gift," Grover said. "A blessing from the Wild!"

The boar said "REEEEEEET!" and swung its tusk. Zoe and Bianca dived out of the way. I had to push Grover so he wouldn't get launched into the mountain on the Boar Tusk Express.

"Yeah, I feel blessed!" I said. "Scatter!"

"Why is this par for the course of every gift I get?" Percy demanded. "Every single thing a god has given me has nearly killed me!"

"Ares's backpack, the wind thermos, now this guy," Jason agreed as he ticked off on his fingers, and for once Percy didn't even roll his eyes as he gestured at him in thanks for proving his point. "Everything except from Neptune, and I'm kind of withholding judgment on the fountain to see if he wants anything from you."

"Thanks," Percy sighed, almost wishing somebody had argued with him.

"Tyson was a gift from your dad too, kind of," Will reminded, "and he never tried to kill you."

"Okay, with the major exception from my dad," Percy reluctantly amended.

We ran in different directions, and for a moment the boar was confused.

"It wants to kill us!" Thalia said.

"Of course," Grover said. "It's wild!"

"My favorite thing is Grover being offended at you guys," Alex admitted.

"Then we will never disappoint at least you," Thalia sighed.

"So how is that a blessing?" Bianca asked.

It seemed a fair question to me, but the pig was offended and charged her.

"The boar clearly doesn't agree with you," Nico told Alex with a very put off scowl. Percy felt bad for the guy, it couldn't be fun for him to sit over there and hear in detail all the times his sister had almost died while he'd barely been able to help her, let alone keep his promise on her being safe.

She was faster than I'd realized. She rolled out of the way of its hooves and came up behind the beast.

It lashed out with its tusks and pulverized the WELCOME TO CLOUDCROFT sign.

"I bet it cost their whole town budget to fix that," Rachel said with one of those strange looks in her eyes that meant a charity drive was going to be formed soon. Percy found the look endearing for the split second he noticed, but he was to amped up to even think to ask.

I racked my brain, trying to remember the myth of the boar. I was pretty sure Hercules had fought this thing once, but I couldn't remember how he'd beaten it. I had a vague memory of the boar plowing down several Greek cities before Hercules managed to subdue it. I hoped Cloudcroft was insured against giant wild boar attacks.

"They probably are against bears," Nico offered, he'd wound up in one to many insurance offices for his liking to know small towns usually went big on wild animals that were often mistaken for monsters anyways.

"Probably not against you guys though, so lets lead it away from town," Rachel unhelpfully reminded.

"Keep moving!" Zoe yelled. She and Bianca ran in opposite directions. Grover danced around the boar, playing his pipes while the boar snorted and tried to gouge him. But Thalia and I won the prize for bad luck.

"Typical," they said together in the exact same tone.

When the boar turned on us, Thalia made the mistake of raising Aegis in defense. The sight of the Medusa head made the boar squeal in outrage. Maybe it looked too much like one of his relatives. The boar charged us.

"Would Grover eat an animal that tried to kill you? I'm thinking bacon and ham sandwiches the rest of the trip," Alex said with pretty high confidence they were going to use this things weight against it and trick this boar.

"I doubt it," Percy shrugged, while beside him Thalia was slowly but steadily turning the color of that snow. Percy shifted uneasily towards her in fear that thing had nearly killed her, he very much doubted her dad would bless the same miracle twice, or that the pine trees would miraculously try to save her.

We only managed to keep ahead of it because we ran uphill, and we could dodge in and out of trees while the boar had to plow through them.

"Eh," Alex looked like she vaguely approved of their plan at least.

"He hasn't used The Phrase yet," Magnus said with mild hope, "hopefully this is the extent of defeating the monster for once."

"It worked on Echidna," she agreed halfheartedly.

On the other side of the hill, I found an old stretch of train tracks, half buried in the snow.

"This way.'" I grabbed Thalia's arm and we ran along the rails while the boar roared behind us, slipping and sliding as it tried to navigate the steep hillside. Its hooves just were not made for this, thank the gods.

Ahead of us, I saw a covered tunnel. Past that, an old trestle bridge spanning a gorge. I had a crazy idea.

"Yes!" Alex cheered, clearly the only one excited.

"Nope, there it is," Magnus face palmed.

"I was starting to get worried you were going to stay on the bunny course," Rachel laughed. Gods forbid they got away from this to easily.

Percy gave a sarcastic laugh for them while Thalia was taking painful sounding breaths, he'd swear he could hear her lungs pop as she went deathly still, like the more words that poured out of Nico's mouth were sucking the life out of her.

"Follow me!"

Thalia slowed down—I didn't have time to ask why—but I pulled her along and she reluctantly followed. Behind us, a ten-ton pig tank was knocking down pine trees and crushing boulders under its hooves as it chased us.

Thalia and I ran into the tunnel and came out on the other side.

"No!" Thalia screamed.

She'd turned as white as ice. We were at the edge of the bridge. Below, the mountain dropped away into a snow-filled gorge about seventy feet below.

"Oh crap!" Jason yelped, though only Thalia had noticed he'd gone weirdly quiet this last page.

Her eyes were glassy, she looked very much like she actually wanted to never see the light of day again her lip was trembling so much, as if on the verge of screaming at them or just in general.

Nico couldn't believe what he was seeing for a moment, looking from the book back to her with the same confounded expression as if somebody had told him to sing on the spot. Thalia, daughter of Zeus, looked scared. He didn't know if he was supposed to keep going, if his assumption had been wrong and Bianca had somehow died at the bottom of this gorge.

Percy got up with a resilient look on his face, pen in his less dominant hand but still for all the world looking ready to stab someone to take the book away for whatever it was doing to her.

"Don't," she gasped what could have been her last breath, but she wouldn't chicken out of this. The veritable list of reasons why she should sprawled out before her; Jason would know how pathetic she was, she'd never hear the end of the laughing, but dammit she was doing this for Percy and Nico. They were stuck here and she wasn't going to pretend she alone shouldn't have to bear her worst moments.

Percy wavered but ultimately sat back down beside her. The room was the kind of deathly quiet that never proceeded anything good as they all found themselves holding their breath to find out what horrors awaited at the bottom.

The boar was right behind us.

"Come on!" I said. "It'll hold our weight, probably."

"I can't!" Thalia yelled. Her eyes were wild with fear.

The boar smashed into the covered tunnel, tearing through at full speed.

"Now!" I yelled at Thalia.

She looked down and swallowed. I swear she was turning green.

Thalia had her boots planted very firmly on the ground in here, her blue eyes were a fog of the room as she tried to convince her heart not to pound out of her chest, not to let that feeling take over her now. The sense of nothingness beneath, that she'd fall forever as the world spun sickeningly around her making everything seem wrong side up so she didn't know which way was down.

Luke wasn't here to grab her hand and ground her to that tree they'd climbed up in a panic to escape some evil mole looking creatures. The first time she'd ever been so high up and saw how thinly they were connected to the world by only a hop away from the earth.

Percy slung his arm over her shoulder. The pressure and weight of him again like he was about to push her over that cliff so they could slide to safety was an annoying reminder, but her flinch wasn't for him. It was seeing this room settle again, and be grateful it was Poseidon who had kidnapped them. Her father would probably dangle her over Olympus laughing until she got over it if he heard this.

The white noise in her ears faded somewhat as her friend stayed close beside her and Nico finished pausing for breath before finishing.

I didn't have time to process why. The boar was charging through the tunnel, straight toward us. Plan B.

"Gods forbid you ever get to plan C," Magnus said. Most of Percy's crazy ideas worked on the first try, mass chaos might ensue if he even got close to D.

"You're assuming he ever makes plans," Alex corrected.

I tackled Thalia and sent us both sideways off the edge of the bridge, into the side of the mountain. We slid on Aegis like a snow-board, over rocks and mud and snow, racing downhill. The boar was less fortunate; it couldn't turn that fast, so all ten tons of the monster charged out onto the tiny trestle, which buckled under its weight. The boar free-fell into the gorge with a mighty squeal and landed in a snowdrift with a huge POOOOOF!

Thalia and I skidded to a stop.

"So, did the pig win the race?" Will asked lightly.

"Nobody ever said what the prize was," Nico shrugged as he looked away from the last page. His sister hadn't been squashed under that boar, everybody was alive, he could spare a smile. "Shouldn't the fun they had be the prize?"

Will's whole body glowed when he laughed like that. "That's camp lesson 101, you sound like head councilor material."

Nico rolled his eyes and turned back away, but nobody could miss his little smirk.

Thalia was still rubbing her chest and watching them suspiciously to finish the rest of this disaster. Glad it was all fun and games to them, for now. She alone knew the next catastrophic thing to happen on this quest, and it wasn't her senseless fear.

We were both breathing hard. I was cut up and bleeding.

Thalia had pine needles in her hair. Next to us, the wild boar was squealing and struggling.

All I could see was the bristly tip of its back. It was wedged completely in the snow like Styrofoam packing. It didn't seem to be hurt, but it wasn't going anywhere, either.

"Your concern is touching," Rachel told him sincerely. "I'm sure Grover will be thrilled."

Percy didn't answer as he kept his eyes on Thalia, his mouth twitching as he studied his friend.

I looked at Thalia. "You're afraid of heights."

Nico snapped his mouth shut like he'd said a dirty word and looked around with a wild apology. "Sorry! I didn't mean to say, I should have, sorry!" He'd been the one to tell her she didn't have to reveal personal stuff and here he was, blurting it out.

Thalia kept her eyes on the ceiling and said in an eerie resemblance to Artemis's smooth, candid way of speaking, "I made the decision I don't care who knows."

"The bus!" Alex realized. "Oh honey," she said it with a strange maternal accent Magnus could never have imagined coming from her, but seemed to suite her.

"I commend you for dealing with that like you have been," Magnus agreed, he knew he never acted so calm whenever a wolf was even mentioned.

Jason was still watching her like he was waiting for her to deny it. Percy had that same stupid look on his face like he had at the time, the adrenaline coming down, his mouth spewing words while he brushed off their nearest death experience with that wild smile.

She brushed her hands violently through her hair like she still expected to feel pine needles tickling down her neck, her skin felt on needles waiting for the surprise to wear off and the laughter to kick in. It didn't dislodge Percy's arm, and he didn't pull away. "Can we move on?" She demanded.

Now that we were safely down the mountain, her eyes had their usual angry look.

"Don't be stupid."

"That explains why you freaked out on Apollo's bus. Why you didn't want to talk about it."

She took a deep breath. Then she brushed the pine needles out of her hair. "If you tell anyone, I swear—"

"Sorry," Percy said with his own uneasy look around. "I, um-"

"Trust me, you didn't ask your dad to do, this to you," she gestured at all of him. His past being reveled through a book, his impulsive mouth. The entire group looking at the pair of them waiting for a fight to start. "Can't be mad at you for this Perce."

Percy stared at her with those eerie green eyes and seemed to realize something she hadn't meant to spoil, his arm did slide away as he swallowed. She'd been with the Hunters for some time after these events. She was older, not as angry, more at peace with her own life.

He turned back to the book, and she silently cursed. The one time she hadn't threatened to beat him to a pulp, and this is what it got her.

"No, no," I said. "That's cool. It's just... the daughter of Zeus, the Lord of the Sky, afraid of heights?"

"I don't see what that has to do with it," Jason said candidly. "Are Ceres's children not supposed to be afraid of venomous snakes just because those are sacred to her? Are Pluto's children not suppose to fear being buried alive because he masters the riches in the earth?"

"It's ironic," Percy insisted, but also relented, "but it's not like I didn't squeal for my life when that shark nudged up to me my first time in the ocean, still scared the piss out of me."

"Fear's aren't rational, no matter who your parents are," Rachel agreed with a shrug.

Thalia was tempted to take her boots off and make sure somebody hadn't swapped her feet around she felt so wrong footed. She'd known her best friend in here wouldn't dwell on it, but the other's not even hinting at a chuckle made one escape past her lips. Maybe she'd been spending to much time around her Hunters, expecting the worst from all these boys.

Her eyes lingered on Jason as she bit her lip with guilt. That was one excuse she could cross of delaying telling him. She was looking forward to the next book least of all, hearing Percy's first hand account of what he found in that golden sarcophagus. Maybe she could try talking the others into reading one of those other books to try and get a hint of Jason's backstory after all.

She was about to knock me into the snow when, above us, Grover's voice called, "Helloooooo?"

"Down here!" I shouted.

A few minutes later, Zoe, Bianca, and Grover joined us. We stood watching the wild boar struggle in the snow.

"Didn't even consider putting the poor animal out of its misery?" Alex asked in what she clearly thought was an impression of Grover. "Just going to sit and watch it suffer?"

"It was going to come out," Percy promised, "and Grover summoned the thing! If he was going to want it dead, he'd say so."

"A blessing of the Wild," Grover said, though he now looked agitated.

"There it is!" Alex cackled. "Everybody on the same page now!"

"Guess the wow factor wears off when he's not half-passed out and it nearly kills them all," Magnus agreed.

"I agree," Zoe said. "We must use it."

"Hold up," Thalia said irritably. She still looked like she'd just lost a fight with a Christmas tree.

"It was the perfect look on you," Percy said innocently, "you could dress up every year for Halloween like that and everybody would get the joke! A few ornaments, a star on your head you could light up yourself- ouch!"

Sparks were still flying from her finger as she raised it threateningly again. Percy had the good sense to shut his mouth though.

"Explain to me why you're so sure this pig is a blessing."

Grover looked over, distracted. "It's our ride west. Do you have any idea how fast this boar can travel?"

"No," Will admitted. "Why does he?"

"The pig's bragging about it?" Percy answered blankly.

"He knows every myth associated with animals," Thalia said only a smidge more confidently.

"Fun," I said. "Like... pig cowboys."

"Oink, oink," Magnus snickered.

"We're going to get through the whole farm if this book keeps up," Alex agreed proudly.

Grover nodded. "We need to get aboard. I wish... I wish I had more time to look around. But it's gone now."

"What's gone?"

Grover didn't seem to hear me. He walked over to the boar and jumped onto its back.

"Now you know he's in a bad mood," Will winced, "I've never heard him ignoring you."

"He gets pretty focused," Percy agreed, a forlorn smile showing he wasn't hurt in the slightest. Grover had come on this quest to find some sort of sign for a blessing of the Wild, and Percy got the hint much faster this time that's what his best friend must have felt.

Already the boar was starting to make some headway through the drift. Once it broke free, there'd be no stopping it. Grover took out his pipes. He started playing a snappy tune and tossed an apple in front of the boar. The apple floated and spun right above the boar's nose, and the boar went nuts, straining to get it.

Magnus raised his hand with a blank face. "What possible other uses does that spell have? How often do you need to levitate fruit for this to be a thing? Is it just an apple? Can he levitate anything like that?"

"None of us have grown hooves yet," Percy reminded. "I will gladly introduce you when we get out of here so you can ask him yourself."

"Automatic steering," Thalia murmured. "Great."

She trudged over and jumped on behind Grover, which still left plenty of room for the rest of us.

Zoe and Bianca walked toward the boar.

"Wait a second," I said. "Do you two know what Grover is talking about—this wild blessing?"

"Of course," Zoe said. "Did you not feel it in the wind? It was so strong... I never thought I would sense that presence again."

"What presence?"

She stared at me like I was an idiot.

"Missing Annabeth slightly less yet?" Thalia snorted.

Okay, so Percy had gotten it a few minutes earlier than last time, but he was still proud of himself enough he just gave her a light shove.

"The Lord of the Wild, of course. Just for a moment, in the arrival of the boar, I felt the presence of Pan."

"Chapter's over," Nico said, his voice so tense it almost didn't sound like English for a second. Then he did trail off into mutters of another language only Thalia clued into was Italian. She watched Will ignorantly reach for the book with his own little surprised stare with a lump in her throat as her eyes flinched from Percy and back to the only child of Hades.

To warn him would tip off her friend, but to say nothing would leave the poor kid blindsided. He knew his sister hadn't come back, but she felt obligated not to make him think it wasn't near.

There was just no way possible Nico could hide that reaction from Percy, he wouldn't not notice.

To say nothing to Nico felt like the easy way out, her hands wouldn't be free of blame when she could have done something.

The weight of her roll in here settled on her back as she told Will to wait a moment before he could start, trying to gauge the pressure this prison could take. Who was her greater priority?

Her best friend who couldn't know, or the kid who had lost to much?

PJOPJOPJO

You guys have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this chapter in the upcoming show. Like, all evidence to the contrary, and the rest of it is terrible and only chugs along to this exact spot and gets dropped, I will be front and center watching these scenes play out with bated breath because it is everything I love. Percy and Bianca's talk, Thalia screaming Percy's name in fear if she just witnessed him die, Bianca's badass Hades power getting their first hint, snowboarding on Aegis, the pig going poooof into the snow, Thalia covered in pine needles while Percy smiles like a dope and promises he won't tell her secret, Percy understanding Thalia's every move, these two being such a damn good team! I will have every detail and background Easter egg of this etched into my memory and replay it so many times (part two) the show will have no choice but to continue if I'm the last one standing.

Which I doubt, but is not the point right now.

[7nessasaryevils]

And so we begin... Gods I'm terrified... ep 7 of Wandee Goodday: how shall thee fuck me up?

- oh great we starting it right off with fucking cuddling on Yak's chest this is such normal non-boyfriend behaviour 🙄😑

- Yak my darling, if you're looking for psychiatrists, I'd recommend one that isn't a crazed Naga prince hell-bent on revenge on a reincarnated chicken... just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️ - although I am immensely in love that Dee does bring up therapy for Yak 🥹🥹

- them just comforting each other in a physical way that isn't sex... IM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

- I have never hated a title sequence more than when it came right before I know yak was about to ask for a kiss as his reward 😤😡

- Yak being so fucking comfortable in Dee's space... I hate you both and I'm going to smush your faces together if it's the last thing I do

- WHAT PICTURE WAS THAT MY EYES SUCK!!never mind it was ter now im wishing my brain can unsee it

- yak my darling he loves you I promise!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- not me barely taking in the fact that Dee kept the picture rather than throwing it out (which... I will shake you for Dee!!) and then getting fucking smacked in the face with the first kiss poster... P'Golf you test me today

- normally I don't condone vandalism but today... YEAH YAK RIP IT

- Kao our king asking the important questions as always! (Psst shake him harder Kao please and thanks)

- Ter... I swear to god you try some shit I will snap you in half (though the sunlight is doing ✨fabulous ✨ things for Pod!) edit: in retrospect that sunlight is literally turning his eyes red P'Golf you actual fucking genius

- me as soon as ter starts speaking

- pfft Cher you absolute king ♥️♥️

-uhhh... is this the weight training equivalent of that pottery scene from Ghost??

- ohhh they're so stupid i wanna die

- Cher and Yak are the mother son relationship I never knew I needed ♥️

- CANDLE LIGHT DINNER

- TER I WILL END YOU

- ohhhh i have a bad feeling about this... but also Dee.. you dumbass put on pants at the very least when you're entering a snake's house!

- this sequence of events is most horrific and terrible and I do not like it

- I'm going to kill Ter. Anyone who stops me... beware my wrath. Yak should've broken his fucking nose.

- also the fact that Ter lives in room 666. HE IS THE DEVIL YOU ARE SO RIGHT

- nooooo yak! Baby!!

- Kao. sir. I'm going to conquer empires in your name! MY KING!!

- the break up episode is meant to be #11 not # 8 what is this?!??

- not the necklace... no please not the necklace

- I hate everything nobody talk to me

- oh cool yak made it hurt even more im going to rip out my eyeballs thanks

- NOT DEE REACHING UP FOR THE NECKLACE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

- the worst the worst the worst I'm in pain

- that's it. That's fucking it. Someone get me Vegas Therapanyakul on the phone right now, I need to order a fucking hi- never mind the idiot doctor fell asleep. My sincerest wish is that Dee knees Ter in the balls as he gets up.

- Taem baby girl what was that??? 😦😦🤨🤨🤨

- sassy english my beloved 🤣🤣

- oh... ohhh no no no no no no- oh what the fuck what the fuck YAK CONCENTRATE BABY

- did i fucking expect the grim reaper? No. And neither did Yak if that right hook was any indication ouch!

- yak and yei fighting... this epsiode really said how can i hurt Nessie today....

- ohhhh fucking fuckity fuck why won't this epsiode let me BREATHE

- yak's face when he see Dee!!!! His teary eyes!!! I ACHE THANKS

- ROOF TOP KISS SCENE MY FUCKING BELOVED IM SO FUCKING OKAY GEWNFUCKINGCHANA 😭😭😭😭

- also throwback to The Sign and their bolster light effect I have never been the same again

- I 'm just gonna die in a corner bye don't look for me I do not exist to any of you

This episode has finally culminated in the kiss we all have been waiting for and I don't know about any of you but I feel the same as I did three years ago watching Bad Buddy. The absolute joy and heartache in me as these boys who so clearly love and care for each other finally acknowledge their feelings.

Next episode is also coming for my existence and I shall keep myself alive until then to regale you all with my incoherent screams ♥️

Until next time! 🥊🩺

[mermaidsirennikita]

Can you recommend any Susan Elizabeth Phillips books?

I've only read two of hers so far, but I really enjoyed both of them!

Nobody's Baby But Mine--Heroine is a genius professor who like, graduated from college at 14 and is kind of awkward and has always felt like an outcast because of her intellect. So she wants an average baby, which to her means having the father be a dumbass, which makes no sense but okay. Anyway, she calls out this famous quarterback on TV as an example of the dumbass she needs, and a woman who knows the QB and thinks that in a convoluted way this will help her... Has the heroine pose as a sex worker, and even though the hero is like, ".... I would rather not" when he sees her, he's also like "might as well". As a note, she does poke holes in the condom, but that time actually doesn't take, and the second time she meets the hero he's kinda lathered up and just goes without one by his own choice lol. So anyway, that DOES take, he finds out, and FORCES HER TO MARRY HIM because no child of his is gonna be a bastard!!! and OOPS lol he's actually very smart and almost went to med school lmaooo

Kiss An Angel--Heroine is the daughter of a socialite with no life experience, and her father basically forces her to marry this stranger or else she'll get cut off, because... on paper, he wants her to grow the fuck up and thinks this (older, gruff, more experienced) man is the way. But in actually, the hero is a descendant of the Romanovs and the heroine's dad wants to like, merge his bloodline with the Romanov bloodline. Also, the hero is an art history professor who travels with a circus during the summer. As like. A favor. So they end up going along with this circus. There's like, a psychic connection with a tiger. It's pretty great. FAAAABULOUS grovel.

I will read more from her, but, ya know. Time.