#is gonna have to explain what the fuck they're doing on my blog first

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[dwaekkicidal]

Idk if your asks are still open, but I have a recommendation...

Where it's like a poly with two of the members, and they're arguing over which fingers to use on you. (While actively demonstrating)

(Ex. One member is a firm believer of using Pointer/middle finger. While the other prefers middle/ring finger) idk if it makes sense lol

A possible quote "Who the hell told you how to use those fingers"

poly asks have my heart i need MOAR. thank u :3

VocalRacha x Fingering Argument

~500 words | warnings: fem!reader, fingering, (1) pvssy + thigh slap (im sorry i cant help myself), kinda meandom vocalracha, mentions of being tied up

So the first two who really came to mind were Seungmin and Jeongin. And it would SOOO start off as a random argument between them 😭 I won't write a full fic about it for this ask but I'll write a little drabble of sorts

❥ It would happen one of the times you leave them unattended at your apartment. Maybe you had to run out to grab food or wanted to run to the corner store on your own. You're gone for no more than an hour and they still managed to get on the topic of sex and fingering. (probably due to an nsfw meme one of them found/one of the boys found and sent to a group chat)

❥ Bombard you the second you walk in the door. "Jagi, which fingers do you prefer when we fuck you?" & "Puppyyyy~ Tell him I'm right. I know your pussy better than him, right?" Front door wide open and all lol

❥ They argue about it through the whole night until you inevitably get sick of it and just tell them it's all the same. Which, to your dismay, only ends in you in the bedroom with them both between your legs. If you think it's all the same then they feel the need to experiment.

❥ Minnie's most likely gonna be mean to both of you during the whole thing. Starts with a swift "Sit the fuck still or else I'll tie you down." to you and a "Who the fuck taught you that?!? Paboya." to Jeongin

❥ They'd try to do it by taking turns at first. Seungmin lets Jeongin go first and lets him try to "explain" why his way is better but gets fidgety and eventually pulls the other boy's wrist away from you. So Seungmin forces his turn like that and all goes smoothly while he tries to explain his way.

❥ All until Jeongin gets antsy and now they just go back and forth, shoving their fingers deep into your cunt while they bicker back and forth about whose way is better.

❥ They tried to get your opinion on the matter, but after 20+ minutes of them unintentionally edging you and accidentally bullying your G-spot, you're sort of zoned out. A little "fucked dumb" if you will

❥ Jeongin's fingers are still in you when they realize you aren't paying attention and he curves them meanly into your G-spot in an attempt to get your attention. When that doesn't work Seungmin will land a harsh slap to your folds and/or to your thigh

❥ When they find out that you haven't been paying attention the whole time they'll roll their eyes and tell you to focus because they "have no plans to stop until you give us an answer."

❥ At this point it's not so much about what fingers are better, they just want to be right no matter what. Which! Inevitably turns this a competition on who can make you cum faster with their fingers and/or them edging you until you tell them whose way is "better"

❥ You're having a whole lot of orgasms that night. Almost all of which are pulled from their fingers and, depending on how much you toss and turn, may or may not end with you being held down forcefully by whoever isn't knuckles deep into your cunt 🤭

Taglist:

@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld @juskz @linohumina @rylea08

@grandma143 @caught-in-the-afterglow @yaorzu-blog @jabmastersupriseee

[educatedsimps]

— "best brother ever!" tiktok trend with hq men

≪ back to fics masterlist

hq character x gn!reader

a/n: just some more crack filled headcanons while i churn out the rest of the requests 🫡 saw a vid of someone doing this and i was thinking of how the hq characters would react to it LOL hope you enjoyy

cw: fluff, humour, swearing oops, mild suggestiveness towards the end ?

The trend:

"Babe, come 'ere!"

Curious, your boyfriend stepped into the living room where you had your camera set up on a tripod pointing towards you. When he reached your side, you pointed at the camera and explained, "We're gonna do a tiktok trend so just stand here, okay?"

He nodded, before smiling a little and waving at the camera.

Grabbing onto his waist protectively, you spoke to the camera. "If you wanna get to him, you're gonna have to get through me first."

Then you leaned up and kissed him on the lips. He smiled into the kiss, happily kissing you back. Pulling away, you gave him a side hug and turned to the camera, dropping the bomb with a shit eating grin on your face.

"Best brother ever!!"

The reaction:

atsumu and oikawa would scream. and i mean scream. like they're in a horror movie or smth "AYO WHAT THE FUCK???" with all the dramatic facial expressions and hand gestures like bro shut up my eardrums are gonna explode 💀

tanaka, nishinoya and bokuto are the slow processors. they'd just keep smiling and would only get it right before you stop the video. he's HORRIFIED and whipping his head at you like "WHAT DID YOU SAYYY" you cannot stop laughing and poor guy's probably traumatised.

kageyama, hinata and ushijima would be confused. like "why'd you say that? i'm not your brother" or even better, "you don't have a brother" and you'll be looking at the camera like jim from the office like does he not get it ?? 😭💀

akaashi and shirabu would stand there staring at you with the most incredulous look on his face. he'd lowkey be judging you and be like "wHat..." sorry babe it's just a prank 🥰

semi would choke on his laughter and shove you away saying stfu but he'd be laughing about it and he'd probably help you post it afterwards. this man is so... HAHAHAHA i love him 😂

sakusa would also shove you away saying stfu but he's lunging to grab the phone so you can't post it (you'll still post it anyway LOL)

tsukki is all three of the above. would look at you with the MOST JUDGY face on earth before shoving you out of the camera frame saying stfu

kenma, osamu and suna would have the most DISGUSTED look on his face and you can't help but laugh at how his face is scrunched up and pinched together

kita would have the most disappointed look on his face like you'd honestly regret doing the tiktok (it's still funny tho. 10/10 would post)

iwaizumi would freeze, slowly turn to you and stare at you with the same face he made when oikawa asked him "iwa-chan, are you my mom?" HAHAHAHSJHJVF GOODBYE

daichi and suga would be like "bruh". nothing else. just pure "bruh" 😐

matsukawa, hanamaki and kuroo WOULD GO ALONG WITH IT HAHAHAHA "yeah best lil sis/bro ever" AND THEN KISS YOU ON CAMERA AGAIN, EVEN DEEPER THIS TIME 💀 then you'd collapse laughing together

tendō would turn his head, look at you with a loving smile and say "what the fuck did you just say?"

asahi would not know how to respond so he's just standing there looking between you and the camera like "huh..."

futakuchi "this ain't alabama, babe..."

extra thoughts!

after you record all that, iwaizumi and akaashi (he a freaky one 👀) will smirk, smack ur ass and say "best little sibling ever" before kissing u deep 🫶 do what you will with that information

also if tsukki was in a good mood, he'd prolly play along but in the most sarcastic way possible HAHAHA like "yeah, best little sibling ever" before kissing you out of frame lol

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarise any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[smoshtwtdrama]

FOR TODAY'S TOPIC(6) UPDATE!—

"my point was if you write something horny about real life people, criticism is natural" — Jaycee AKA TREVRASHA said after our conversation for a clearance between them and lilacfoxes

"Though I may not know what stories have gone through, I'll listen both sides and gather enough to understand what went on" — smoshtwtdrama

Few hours ago I have blocked Jaycee's main Tumblr and after that their new account found me and have reached me out. At first they replied to my TOPIC (6) talking about how this is a "bootleg mean girl" thing so I reached out to them.

I message them first with kindness and asked; "may I know why you're doing this? The whole "oh they're a bad person I'm gonna screenshot our conversations and let others hurt them back!" Thing?'

They've responded back sharing a kind tone as well before explaining; "I don't think lilac is a bad person, if you're asking why I posted the DM, wouldn't you? Who DMs someone to call them out of their name. -- especially after publicly putting on a front as if they're the one being attacked."

Smoshtwtdrama: "but why would you start first? If I remember correctly"

Jaycee: "because I followed them, I came across their Tumblr post on my feed. The post was essentially venting about people posting screenshots of their AO3 fic (the damangela one). I commented on the post (someone could argue that I shouldn't have commented in the first place but I truly wasn't being negative) and said something along the lines of "you posted porn about real people, of course some think it's weird." -- these past two days are the most I've even used Tumblr so I wasn't even expecting a response. But they responded saying most people had an issue with the damangela pairing, not rpf. I tried to make it clear that I didn't have any issue with rpf and I wasn't even judging them for rpf smut, I was saying that people weren't discrediting them as a writer, they were weirded out by the concept of two smosh members having sex. Whether or not they hate Damien has nothing to do with me, I personally enjoy him."

Smoshtwtdrama: "I see.. but in my point of view nobody should be posting about anybody if they could just communicate and understand through DMs, why must it start on long arguments on twitter? Several smosh authors are now terrified to receive hatred or become a laughing stock because of your posts."

Jaycee: "they posted me first on this app. i made the first tweet, basically repeating the same sentiment i had in my comment. i didn’t use lilac’s name or anything, because it wasn’t directed towards them. the interaction we had inspired me, yes, but they aren’t the only people who’ve created rpf smut (not even just smoshfandom but generally). they somehow saw the tweet, which had only 8 likes, and proceeded to screenshot it and post to their blog/acc. lilac posted me first, claiming that a nameless, if-the-shoe-fits kinda tweet was bullying them. i, in return, screenshotted the post made about me and posted it on twitter. i joked that i’ve now ‘made it’ and am famous because the situation was funny. people in the comments were laughing with me, not at lilac, but of course lilac is somehow the victim"

Smoshtwtdrama: "oh I see, but in lilac's point of view everything she read felt like it was pointed to her.. now I understand" I said because I'm starting to connect the dots between each other's posts

Jaycee: "and last thing i’ll say is i’m the literal last person smosh writers have to worry about. i wasn’t posting lilac to make fun of their writing. as i said, it didn’t even stem from a ‘fuck ur writing’ place. my point was if you write something horny about real life people, criticism is natural."

The conversation ends there with a simple "thank you for letting me know" I've asked Jaycee if they're willing to let me post our conversation to clear the air and they said yes.

But for the audience out there, this isn't something to side on of who's wrong or fault, it was a clear misinterpretation, if not then a wrongful communication. We don't have to post what we said if we can just communicated through messaging.

I understand both sides, nobody is wrong. And nobody should take sides.

What's your thoughts on this? Let me know!

|| THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY'S TOPIC!

[many-but-one]

So, our system spent a looooong fucking time trying to reblog a post by someone that goes by @system-junk-spam but after typing it out it became unrebloggable, and then upon restarting the app we found that either they spontaneously deleted their blog or they somehow blocked us while we were typing something up, despite us having never interacted with them before. That, or tumblr mobile just straight up sucks. Highly probable.

Anyway, we worked really hard on the post and still want to share our thoughts, so we’re gonna put them here. We may get eaten alive for this take, but we’ve learned to not care what others think of us. We are allowed to believe things differently than our followers do and that’s okay. Hate will not be tolerated on this post. If I see it, you are blocked.

This is our theories on how endogenic plurality can possibly exist. We’ve talked about this before but not in great detail. We are literally just gonna copy-paste our response because oh my god it took so long to type out and then transfer to our notes app because the tumblr app was messing up. To TLDR the OP’s post, they were asking for genuine examples of endogenic plurality that wasn’t just someone actually having a CDD and thinking they are endo.

—

So, for starters, I used to be anti-endo. Kind of a dick about it to be honest, but not overly hateful towards endos. I have a post explaining that situation, where I also came forward with explaining that when I was a teen I thought I was an endo because I didn't have trauma—except I did, I just didn't know it yet. I also used to do roleplay—though not as a system, for the record. I just had characters I made that I later realized were heavily based on real alters in my brain and it was that alter's way of expressing themselves before they could be known by the host part at the time. So to say I understand where you are coming from, I understand where you are coming from. I have been that person. I went hard anti-endo at first, but slowly as I've begun healing and deciding "I don't really care what people do in their lives and it's not up to me to police that" I have become what I consider "syscourse neutral" but "fine with endos, I just don't interact with the community much because I'm not endo." Mainly with the feeling of "live and let live" and "they're people deserving of respect too" driving that stance.

I start with all of that preamble because at the end of the day, whether endos "really exist" or not just…doesn't matter. They're not actually taking our resources, they're not seeking out DID specialists because most of them know they don't have DID, and the whole narrative of them "making a mockery of the disorder" is pandering to fake claimers, who are the ones who point and laugh at the disorder whether you are endo or not. Endos are not the enemies of DID systems here, fake claimers are. And whether endos exist or not, fake claimers will still fake claim people with DID no matter what.

If you make this post with the concern that people who say they are endo may actually have a CDD and that can be damaging to their healing long term (it was for me personally) or they may take longer to realize they have a CDD (happened to me), the thing is, they will eventually discover that they have a CDD if that's what they really have. You have all of these examples of people realizing they actually had a CDD because those people eventually realized that's what they had. No matter what, at some point in someone's life, if they have a CDD and the right support, they will eventually realize they have a CDD—even if they initially think they are endogenic.

To go on a personal tangent, it was actually a very good thing that I thought I was endo for so long and got completely alienated from the entire CDD community because if I had discovered I had a CDD at the time, that could have had catastrophic consequences to my safety. When I finally started questioning the system thing again my first year of college, I not only nearly ended my life multiple times (other parts attempting), but I also ended up returning to my abusers and getting hurt again (callback programming, l'm a RAMCOA system). If I had discovered that as a teen? It could have been much worse than it was when I was an adult. I could have been retrafficked if I went back, rather than just reprogrammed and sent on my way, because I was still young enough to be “good product” as a teen, but as an adult they weren’t interested in my “service” anymore, they were more interested in making sure I remained programmed so I wouldn’t report them and they wouldn’t get in trouble. (Joke’s on them, I’m reporting them to the FBI. Suckers.)

My system finally allowed itself to be discovered in my final year of college because I was a mere month away from moving out with my then-fiancée at the time, who we believed could keep us safe should we display harmful behaviors. And we were right, even if she did end up being an abusive POS later. However, I still found out I was a CDD system and did get the help I needed. And even if the situation is not quite as dire for others, if someone who has a CDD believes they are endo, chances are, the system wants that for the time being. And who are we to try to disprove that endos exist just so people will be more accepting of themselves having a CDD? You said it yourself, that people knowing before they are ready can be damaging, so it's really not such a big deal whether or not endos are "real" if that's a way for a system to exist without having to hide while also still kind of "hiding" in a way.

HOWEVER! Now that I have become more open to the concept of endogenic plurality, I have put a lot of thought into "what if it really does exist? How would that happen??" Because gosh, how brains work is exceptionally cool, and if there is a way for endos to be real, that's pretty fucking neat.

So, for the record, I am not endo and I am not fully in their circles nor do I know much about origins whatsoever, so if anyone wants to chime in their thoughts or correct me on something, please do! For this next part, I'm calling endo alters/headmates "parts" just to keep the vocab streamlined and succinct.

Some common themes I notice in endos (for the most part):

They have basically no amnesia between parts

Some can create parts at-will, while others feel like they can't just create parts at will, but their parts just kind of exist

They usually can switch at-will or control switching to some degree or even completely

Some folks usually have some kind of trauma, but that's not saying much because all humans have trauma to some degree or another. Something I've noticed, though, is that this trauma is usually not in early childhood, but in later childhood, teen years, or adult years. (Please know this is not indicative of everyone, just what l've noticed in endos l've spoken to, don't come at me if your situation looks different please!)

All of these aspects come into play for my “theories” on how endogenic plurality can exist. For the record, my “theories” are more like…my own ponderings on the subject rather than something that should be taken as fact. Only endos can decide how they exist, not me.

So initially, my main theory with endos (which l've spoken about once, a while ago) is that it is "IFS on steroids."

IFS functions with the belief that all people have parts, and that to create cohesion in everyday life means finding ways to communicate between these parts and reach healing conclusions between them. Kinda like DID treatment except these parts don't have the "becoming autonomous and elaborating" part of DID. This is often seen in therapy related to addressing your "inner child" or "inner teen" but this can also apply to "the part of me that hates my dad" and "the part of me that wants him to love me." Remember, this is a singlet we are talking about, here! Singlets can also have conflicting and contradictory feelings about their family members. Having a "conversation" between these two parts might look like one of them stating all the reasons why it's better to cut him off because he always causes harm, while the other side may explain all the reasons why they want to keep him around. Weighing these "pros and cons" in this sort of scripted conversation between these two "parts" can help singlets come to an agreement between these two contradictory feelings and find a solution that is best for that singlet "as a whole."

However, what if someone who has parts of self like any singlet does finds a different way to converse with their parts? Or maybe not just converse, but imagine them? Consider that their "responsible self who is good at keeping on track" is the self that they kind of "dial into" at school or work, so that they stay on task—so then later, the part of themselves that prefers to goof off and have fun can have more time to do that. (These may be labeled as a “school/work self” and “home self” by singlets)

Maybe that responsible side of themselves feels like a guy whose name is probably like, Richard. And he's a boring, middle aged, office worker looking dude. And that fun and goofy version of themselves that would rather ignore homework feels like a teen named something funky like Rainbow. Well, the side of themselves that's responsible (Richard) is probably gonna get into a lot of arguments with the fun-loving side of themselves (Rainbow), which can look and feel like an internal debate or struggle of "well I can totally skip this assignment because I have a good grade and my show's season just dropped and I don't wanna fall behind while my friends are caught up" being answered with "um, no, if I don't stay on top of things, I'm gonna fall behind on my schoolwork, which is WAY more important than my show"

See how that can feel a bit like CDD but not actually be a CDD?

These endogenic IFS parts of self might even become slightly more autonomous (or seem slightly more autonomous) than a normal singlet's IFS parts over time, especially if having these internal conversations are a major coping skill during stressful times. These "stressful times" can literally just be "being a teenager" because holy shit being a teenager is stressful!! Does this mean every teen who is an endo in this sort of “IFS way” will grow out of it? No! If this is a positive coping mechanism that doesn't cause harm, they may still have these parts of self well into adulthood or even their whole life. Because guess what? Being an adult is also stressful as hell. It would make sense that these parts would follow them into adulthood.

They may even have traumas they have to address in therapy that these parts of self can help them address. This doesn't mean that trauma is held within a singular part to keep the others safe from the knowledge of said trauma like a CDD system, (even if that trauma is repressed—because even people who are traumatized as adults and non-systems can have repressed trauma) because most likely, all parts of self in this IFS situation are probably either totally aware (if it is not repressed) or totally unaware (if the trauma is repressed) and when it comes time to address said traumas, the parts (while maybe not quite as fully autonomous with completely separate experiences and memories like a CDD system) can still likely be quite elaborate and be very helpful when processing these traumas or negative experiences. Brains are cool! Brains are weird! They do weird stuff to cope with shit! I totally think it's plausible for someone's IFS parts to elaborate to some degree if it helps that person cope with life, even if they don't realize it's IFS or a singlet's version of plurality at all.

Does this mean they would technically be a singlet since they don't have a “genuinely” fragmented consciousness? Maybe?? Who are we to say, you know? If they feel like they are plural even if their consciousness is not fragmented in the same way a CDD system's would be, why not let them say they are plural? They are experiencing some kind of plurality, just completely differently than someone with a CDD-related fragmented consciousness would. Which is kinda neat, if you ask me.

I recently saw a tiktoker who explained they were misdiagnosed with DID, that they'd been re-evaluated by MULTIPLE CDD specialists and been told they do not have DID, but they have some kind of parts influenced by them being schizoaffective. They genuinely have parts of self that feel like they kind of "step in" to handle certain things, with names and appearances to boot, AND this person is very dissociative based on their scores on dissociative scales— which is why they were misdiagnosed by a trauma specialist (not a CDD specialist) in the first place. Their parts are coping skills based on their delusions. Does that make their parts any less real to that person? No, they still exist and they have for a long time, but they are not dissociative parts like in DID. They have some kind of parts that get them through daily life even though they do not have a dissociative disorder. How cool is that!!! They don't cause harm, so they're not something that has to be done away with or anything. This person can just BE schizoaffective with parts. And the therapists are cool with it. Go figure.

I haven’t even gotten to the part where someone with BPD can have schema modes that are kinda like parts. Not to mention that just because people with CPTSD and PTSD may not have fully autonomous ANPs and EPs like people with CDDs do doesn't mean that the person with BPD/CPTSD/PTSD may not try to “purposely” (or accidentally) semi-elaborate those parts by assigning names or identities to help them cope.

For example, if someone has an explosion of anger due to a trigger and that non-autonomous EP is responsible for it, they may associate that non-autonomous EP's anger with someone like, I dunno, Bakugo from MHA. (I know nothing about this anime I just know this is an angry guy don't come for me please lol) So every time this person gets triggered into an anger spiral, they may assign that behavior to a version of themselves that gets really angry like Bakugo, even though it's really just the ANP being influenced by the emotions of the non-autonomous EP. “Bakugo" may never “truly” be autonomous like an EP in a CDD system would be, but that person who has CPTSD or PTSD may feel like they "become Bakugo" every time they get triggered and angry because of that non-autonomous EP's influence. Eventually, the ANP may learn how to communicate with that non-autonomous EP Bakugo and learn coping strategies for “his” anger and process the traumas that caused that emotional response, which can actually help that person heal in the long run. I think non-CDD parts can totally be a helpful coping mechanism for trauma healing. Consider how much easier it is to be kind to someone else rather than yourself. A lot of trauma survivors are incredibly hard on themselves, but may do a 180 for their friends and uplift them when they are struggling with the same thing. If someone with C/PTSD finds it easier to communicate and encourage healing to “Bakugo” rather than themselves and it ends in them healing in the long run, I’d call that a net win.

Like sure, you can say "but they're not actually endo, they just have CPTSD" but like…if they don't have a fragmented consciousness but they feel like they "become Bakugo" every time that angry non-autonomous EP is triggered, wouldn't that kinda mean that they don't have CDD alters but still experience SOME form of plurality? They may have an extremely anxious non-autonomous EP that is like a different blorbo from their shows, or they might name a non-autonomous super depressed EP after Sadness from Inside Out. While they aren't experiencing CDD plurality, one cannot really argue that they aren't experiencing some kind of plurality, right?

And gosh, what about the folks who genuinely don't have serious enough trauma to have PTSD or CPTSD and aren't really needing the IFS parts to cope, but created their parts just because? Why not? Especially if they aren't trying to demedicalize DID a la Astrea's Web or purposely trying to throw vitriol into the community, what is the harm in it? I already mentioned that they really aren't making a mockery of the disorder, fake claimers are. So what’s the big deal, really?

Why can't we as traumagenic systems just let endos exist without concrete proof? From what l've gathered, there have been studies on non-traumagenic plurality (I believe @sysmedsaresexist has shared these studies before but I may be mistaken...sorry for the tag, SAS) so clearly scientists have noticed this is a thing that happens.

Aren't you, as a traumagenic system, fucking sick of fake claimers CONSTANTLY questioning your existence, your reality? Don't you think endos probably feel the same way towards us? Like yeah, we have a lot of scientific proof we exist, but fake claimers will straight up ignore that shit and say the scientists are wrong. Why are we doing literally the same shit? Like come on, put yourself in their shoes! Let them exist whether there's a bazillion studies on them or not! As long as they aren't trying to cause active harm to others or the community (most endos just wanna exist in peace without being constantly fake claimed and harassed, for the record—just like us traumagenic systems!), just let them be! Live and let live. We cannot dictate how they experience their life, whether it's real or not. (I personally think it is, it's just not the same as a CDD—our experiences with plurality are inherently different as a traumatized system of parts.)

I hope my very long ramble was of help to you and others?

Since opening up to the possibility of endos being real and not being so stressed about whether it is or not, l've just been a much happier person overall—not to mention have a much greater appreciation for how cool the brain is and what we as people do to cope with shit. Plurality as a whole is really fucking cool from a scientific perspective. I think being more open-minded and accepting in general will also just make you feel better as a person. We don't need to be asking all these questions, we can just let it be! It's way less stressful, tbh.

[candy-cloud-system]

I have Never seen an endo shit on traumagenic systems - i have seen them shit on people discrediting their experiences but its wild that ur acting like a victim when ur the one being weird. Psychology largely agrees that we do not know enough abt the human brain - specific dissociative disorders - to claim they can Only be caused one way. Also forcing people to reflect on if they're traumatized or not just for them to be "allowed" to use system terminology is Wild - even if every single system is caused by trauma, so many traumatized people have no recollection of the trauma. This isnt black and white and youre silly for caring so much abt internet strangers repressed memories or lack thereof 🩷

First off, learn to read . D N I. Means DO NOT INTERACT! I don’t understand what’s so hard about that, literally you have to go through the effort to read a whole message that’s literally saying don’t interact, go to my account, which tells you not to interact, and then type a whole message and never once do you think “oh! I’m breaking DNI! I’m crossing boundaries! Hm! Maybe I shouldn’t do that!”

So I’m gonna be a bitch to you now cus you broke my DNI and I’ve already stated I’d start being a bitch to people who do that

“I’ve never seen endos shit on traumagenic systems 🥺🥺🥺” okay explain the constant death threats we get. Explain the people LIKE YOU! Who break DNI to tell us shit we literally do not want to hear, explain the people who go into our comment and tell us to off ourselves, call us names, make up slurs. Tell us no one loves us and everyone will leave. Do you understand how fucking stupid you sound?

Traumagenic systems get SOOOO much bullshit from endos and that’s why it’s such a problem. They bully trauma survivors and victims, making them spiral and feel like fucking shit because they didn’t want people mocking a disorder that makes their lives harder. The amount of times I’ve seen endos telling traumagenic systems to die simply because they fucking EXISTED is fucking insane.

Even if you could be a system without trauma, you wouldn’t be in the same groups as us, you wouldn’t have the same terms you wouldn’t be classified with the disorder. Because our disorder stems from TRAUMA! You have to have trauma.

You can have trauma you don’t remember, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU AN ENDO. It makes you a traumagenic system who doesn’t remember their trauma! You guys fucking groom people into believing their trauma isnt enough or that they’re endo because they can’t remember and it fucking disgusts me.

I’m not making people reflect on their fucking trauma, IM TRYING NOT TO GET HARASSED FOR MINE.

FUNFACT. I AM A VICTIM! I GET HARRASED BY ENDOS FUCKING ALMOST DAILY AT THIS POINT! IM ACTIVELY TELLING YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE CONSTANTLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS CANT FUCKING READ THREE LETTERS !

I AM TIRED OF COMING ON THIS APP AFTER WISHING I DIDNT GO THROUGH THE SHIT I GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS DISORDER AND SEEING SOME RANDOM ASS KID SAYING HOW THEYRE GONNA MANIFEST A SYSTEM FOR THEMSELF. IF YOU FUCKING “CREATE” A “SYSTEM” BECAUSE YOU WANT ONE. FUCK YOU. ACTUALLY FUCK YOU. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. AND I HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO HATE YOU.

“You’re so silly for caring 🥺🥺🥺🥺” I CARE BECAUSE I GET HARRASSED TO THE POINT OF SPLITTING OR HAVING CRASHES DUE TO OUR BPD AND NPD. I GET FUCKING HARASSED UNTIL I CANT TAKE IT. THATS WHY I TELL YOU TO NOT FUCKING INTERACT.

Get off my fucking blog. Never come back. Endos and their supporters are NOT fucking welcome here. Respect my fucking DNI.

[polyamorousmood]

Hey there :)

So I have no problem with my bf dating other people, and recently hes started having sth with someone else. Good for them! Legit, no problem with that by itself

But.. now I'm being left on read a lot, like majority of the time it feels like, no matter the topic or time. I just feel.. forgotten, I think, or replaced idk. But it feels pretty bad.

I dont want them to think I'm jealous or mad, I just wish he would still show me the same attention/care as before. Ive talked about how left on read makes me very insecure, due to fake friends and person past experiences before so I dont want to bring it up again.. but it hurts. Idk what to do?

Bad news, babe. You're gonna have to say something again. The good news though is that you can productively procrastinate it, because there's some stuff I want you to do first.

But before I get into that, I let having a cool opening distract me from very important other things that need said: That sucks, and I'm really sorry, but you can make it through this.

Now then. Time to productively procrastinate a difficult conversation. Look, I'm procrastinating it more by making it a read more! (It, um, it is A Lot. I took "blogging platform" literally on this one😅)

It sucks. Believe me, it bothers me too when I can't hear from my partner📵📴 because they're with my meta. It has been A Problem I've had to work through, so I think I'm actually pretty qualified to give advice on this.

Some of what I have to say is going to smart (old-timey word for sting) a bit, so I want to make it clear that I understand where you're coming from, so you can trust the part that stings is necessary. I imagine its something like this:

You relationship with your boyfriend is great! So great, you're happy for him to have someone else to love! That's. That's so rare and incredible, its a love beyond what most will know. And then he takes that love and wads it up and throws it in the back seat to make room for this new schmuck. The love is still there, it's just... in the back seat. And you never thought that would happen, because the relationship is so good! And you already said something, so you worry you're being a nag, which you don't want, because you ARE happy for them, you're so happy for them... except when you're not because you can't be happy when he can't be bothered to text you back. Its not really so much to ask, and you EXPLAINED why its important to you, so why doesn't he seem to care? You communicated, you did your part, and it was hard and scary! Surely harder than texting you back would be! And you don't want to feel like this, but. There's this anxiety that... shouldn't he want to text you back? Isn't that how he would act if he really did still care about you just as much?

Any of that resonate? I don't know you, so maybe some of it was way off base🎯, I don't know. But I hope enough of it was close enough to right that you know I get it when I say:

This isn't just your boyfriend fucking it up. This is, in part, probably you asking something unreasonable. To give you the exact same level of time an energy as when it was just you too is a big ask. To be able to supercede his time with the other person any time you want is a big ask. If you're only okay with your boyfriend having someone else if it doesn't cut into your time at all, how okay with it are you actually?

So before you talk to him about it, you gotta step back. Its not that you're wrong for feeling sidelined. But a poly relationship just isn't going to be the exact same as a monogamous one. It it were, I wouldn't have bothered making a blog, and I wouldn't have needed to because I wouldn't have a trail of loving, wonderful, burnt to ashes monogamous relationships behind me. Let's take a deep breath together. Pause here if you need.

Now, there are some questions here that do affect what I think would be fair. For example, if you're living with your boyfriend, and he's taking you for granted, always texting the other person when he's with you, you don't have any special time with him anymore, and then when he goes out its radio silence. That's a very different situation from you being in a long distance relationship so texting is your main form of communication/bonding and now he's got a new person that lives near him so he's with them constantly and now, what are you, chopped liver? for example. I'm going to give a list of things you might be doing that's unfair, and I want you to take a minute and evaluate as honestly as you can where you fall on that. This is a self-reflection, not an accusation, so please resist any temptations to get defensive (if you even feel them). I recommend taking out a pad of paper and committing to an answer for each. Some you may not be doing at all! Some okay maybe a little. And some now that you think about it, yeah actually, you're doing a lot. That's okay. You not handling it perfectly is okay, and doesn't mean we can't ask the boyfriend for accommodations still.

Are you valuing 1:1 time with your boyfriend as much as you're valuing (negatively) the time he spends 1:1 (not texting you) with his partner? IE, are you more bothered by him not texting you than you are appreciative when he takes time for you?

Are you texting him compulsively out of anxiety instead of because you have something more important to discuss?

Are you accidentally infringing on his other partner's time?

Are you trying to infringe on his other partner's time to reassure yourself that you're important to him?

Are you texting him to "test" him?

When you communicated that you didn't like being left on read, did you properly convey how big of a problem it is for you and what your expectations were?

When you communicated, did you allow space for negotiation and to work on the problem, or was it more like a list of demands?

Are you misplacing your feelings somehow? Is there something else that's bothering you that you don't feel comfortable bringing up?

Are you letting your anxieties run you? Is there something you could be doing to address your feelings?

Are you forgetting to weigh other allocations or shows of love he's making or you?

Is there anything else internally you might be overlooking in regards to this?

Whew! Heavy stuff. But you made it!🎉 Now, we'll dig into how his actions are making you feel. That last set was about what you could be doing better, and this one will help determine he could be doing better. But just like we weren't making accusations about you, we aren't making accusations about him either. We are assuming good faith on your boyfriend's part. This is still ultimately about your feelings and what reasonable accommodations could be made for them.

Do you feel the time allocation for you vs his other partner is fair? Why?

Does he seem to text them back more than you?

Does it seem like he's not taking your concerns seriously enough?

Does this issue look like a larger pattern? If so, what? How will that look long-term?

Has he made specific promises he hasn't kept to you in regards to this? If so, what were they and how hasn't he lived up to them?

Do you feel he's made adequate time for you to discuss concerns, or do you feel like he tries to rush through them?

Do you think he gave you a reasonably clear expectation of what him dating someone else would look like (or did he make it seem "nothing will change")?

Has he not responded to something critical?

Is there anything else he's done in regards to this that doesn't sit right with you?

You did it! 🎉Now we can officially start working on problem-solving. I imagine that was a lot more than you bargained for, for such a simple problem as "I want a text back," but its important to get everything laid out. This helps in a lot of ways. It helps guard against striking on a "solution" that isn't actually sustainable. It makes sure you're starting a discussion in good faith. And hopefully, it will help minimize having to return to the issue.

For the sake of formatting, we're going to address the questions for you first, then the questions about him, then how to have the hard conversation, then workarounds that you may not have considered that aren't really your or his problem. I actually think that third group has some of the better "quick fixes", if you can find one that works.

Starting with the questions about what you could be doing better, in order, skip any that don't apply:

Re: valuing 1:1 time -- Make active efforts to appreciate the time you do have more. Use this time as a guard against negative thoughts when he is unable to respond ("We spent all day together yesterday, a few hours today without hearing from him is fine")

Re: texting compulsively -- Be more vigilant about self-soothing. I find self-talk to be most effective for me. I cannot possibly cover everything here, but it sounds like it stirs up fears you're losing your partner. Since you cannot guarantee that will never happen, I find it most helpful to reassure myself I will be okay even if I do lose them. Another option is to make a reassurance bank, where you can store and see evidence of his affection without asking it from him. Your mileage may vary. If you really struggle with this, there's always therapy.

Re: accidental infringing -- Be more mindful of what you send. Save things that are non-urgent to discuss later, when you have his attention anyway.

Re: deliberate infringing -- Stop it. It will only strain things and make the outcomes you don't want more likely. See self-soothing. Find something else to distract you that you can put energy into.

Re: "testing" him -- See above. I know, its easier said than done. Do the hard work. That shit can ruin your life.

Re: didn't adequately express importance -- Well, its a good thing we're about to talk about it anyway! Really think through how you can explain how badly it makes you feel. We'll get into that more when we discuss How To Have the Conversation

Re: list of demands -- Well, its a good thing we're going to talk about it anyway! This time, see it as a negotiation. Ask him if that's feasible, or if its too much. But open to trying alternate solutions.

Re: misplaced feelings -- Take the advice on How To Have a Conversation and apply it to the thing that's actually the problem.

Re: managing anxieties -- Again, you'll have to find a way to self-soothe somewhat. That's not to say your partner shouldn't meet you halfway, but you do have to do your half.

Re: forgetting other expressions of love -- Literally make a list of all the things he's done/is doing for you. As many as you can think of. Add to it often. Pick a couple and do a deep dive on why that mattered so much to you and how you felt. Tell him, too. You gotta be grateful consciously, bro. This applies to all of life

Re: anything else -- Take that into account. Work on that, too, however you can. Be honest with him about your shortcomings when you address it.

A lot of these will require upkeep on your part (kind of mirrors🪞how texting you back consistently requires upkeep on his, huh?). Be prepared to discuss the changing you're going to make and have an actionable plan for them. Okay, his turn, same as before:

Re: fair time allocation -- does he need to make more time for you? Do he need to make protected time that is only for you? You said you feel forgotten, replaced, so maybe this is part of it.

Re: unequal texting -- first, consider why. If he lives with you, he's probably going to have to text the other person in front of you sometimes. If you still think its too much, again, protected time for you may be appropriate, he may need to do a better job keeping his New Relationship Energy (NRE) in check. Be prepared to discuss this, possibly including him defending himself!

Re: not taking concerns seriously -- Well, its a good thing we're discussing this again! Make sure you have an actionable, measurable metric he can do to show you progress here. (IE ❌"I need you to care more" ❌ but ✅"When you're unable to respond, I need you to say that you're busy so I know you thought of my needs" ✅)

Re: bigger patterns -- You will have to tell him you're concerned about those too. If it could become untenable for you, this will probably be a recurring discussion. Consider scheduling check-ins where you say one thing you think is going well and one thing you're worried about, for example.

Re: unkept promises -- here, you are super justified in being mad. Try not to be anyway. Try to be curious and interested in addressing the root problem. Ask him what got in his way, what middle ground he's confident he can manage. It is you and him vs the problem, even here, not you vs him.

Re: inadequate room to discuss -- Set expectations before the talk, and remind him of them if he forgets. (IE "I know this isn't nice to hear, but I need you to let me say my piece and talk through solutions, even if it takes awhile." and "I said I needed to talk through the solution. This sounds nice, but I'm concerned about X. How can we make sure that doesn't happen?") Consider reserving specific time to discuss it, consider reserving recurring time to discuss any problem, if you need it.

Re: didn't set expectations appropriately -- ask. Ask what this would ideally look like to him. If he's having trouble getting started, point out some differences you've already noticed, and ask if he thinks those are the new norm.

Re: didn't respond to something critical -- Establish a way he can see what is critical and what isn't. This might be texting something that can wait, but calling for something important, for example.

Re: anything else -- address that too. Give him a chance to explain himself. etc.

Okay, you've done everything up to this point alone. You're prepped. Now How Do You Have The Conversation?

For this type of stuff, I recommend the WIBS format. That is, "When [something happens], I feel [feelings] Because [explanation] So could you please [change]". But of course, it can't be that simple either. Critically you CANNOT say "you" before the "so could you please". The example I'm about to give is going to use the texting issue specifically, but if you've done the soul searching and found there's a bigger problem you want to address (which ngl, sounds like there might be something bigger based on what you sent), adjust accordingly! This is good general advice for any tough conversation. Anyway, here's what that might look like on the texting thing:

"When I am left on read, I feel anxious and betrayed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. So could you please make a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

But wait a minute! That doesn't include any of the bullshit I just made you do. What the hell am I trying to pull? Okay okay, so we have to modify this a bit. Our new format is going to be something more like this: "When [something happens], I feel [feelings and impact], because [explanation]. I have tried [things you've tried], and I am still struggling because [reason why that hasn't helped, including what you could do better]. So I was hoping to look at some more solutions, like, would you be willing to try [change]." Which might in practice look something like

"When I am left on read, I feel so anxious and betrayed I start spiraling thinking the relationship is doomed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. I have tried dropping some hints and self soothing, and I'm still struggling because this is a really bad anxiety that I didn't have to deal with before recently and even with the hints I'm not getting the response rate I would like. So I wanted to talk about it and see if you'd be willing to try making a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

And then! The discussion continues. Maybe he says "oh my god, yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you that much, absolutely I can do that" and maybe he says "I'm with you all the time how is this still a problem?" or maybe its "actually, [other partner] gets really anxious when I text, which is why I don't respond unless its important. I figured I could talk to you about dinner plans any time" and whatever the case is, you keep talking until you've set on clear goalposts and have reassurance they feel okay to all parties. So in order, your responses might be something like "are you sure you can manage that? I was really worried by my hints not being picked up on that that was the reason", "I know its a problem. That's why I'm talking to you about it. If that's not a good solution to you, let's come up with something else, because the way things are is really hard on me," and "okay. I don't want to make [other partner] anxious either, but this isn't working for me, can we find something else to try?"

Allow him to explain, be prepared to explain more yourself, and be willing to try a variety of solutions. Acknowledge

Is this my longest post yet? Maybe! Wild. Let's top it off with something easier: The Hack Solutions🧑‍💻. Sometimes, anxiety isn't logical, and goofy workarounds can be super helpful! Here are some off the top of my head, but feel free to get creative, too! Not all of these may be feasible, not all of them may help. But a lot less work than some other solutions so worth mentioning!

You said being "left on read" is what bothers you. Can you just... turn off read receipts? Or switch to a messaging app that doesn't have them? Can he just not read your texts until he has the time to respond?

A lot of phones have a driving mode, that will send an automated reply to texts. Can he turn that on when he's with his other partner so you get a reply like "hey I'm busy rn, but I'll text back later!" and would that help?

If you just want to feel more involved, maybe it would help if he just like, took a picture of his pizza to send to you. Reminds you you're thought of, doesn't require conversation.

Something that I've done with friends is write like, a dozen short affirmations/reassurances, and have them keep them in a special spot. When they need to feel loved, they can take one out to read. This has worked PHENOMENALLY for them, and still protects your partner's time away while allowing you to get love direct from your partner WHENEVER you want.

Can he just kick it with you both concurrently?

Can you have a friendship with your meta where you text THEM like "tell [bf] to text me back real quick" and then your bf doesn't feel bad about texting in front of the other partner because they're telling him to do it?

Classically condition yourself. Like, every time he leaves you on read, eat a chocolate. And then sometimes instead of it being "boyfriend won't text me :(((" it'll be "oooo! candy time!"

ai yai yai! That's all I have, though! Come back if you need help working through some specifics. I'm very happy to help however I can. Its not your fault you're struggling with this. Most polyam relationships have to deal with this to some extent, but with a little effort, you can make it through. Best of luck to you, friend. 💙💖🖤

[numberonenarinderhater]

Why i made this stupid blog

First, I have NOTHING against what people do in a fandom. I do NOT care if you ship narilamb or whatever the fuck you do with your blorbos. I do not ship it and I don't engage with that content but I'm not here to mock creators' hard work or demand they make me understand why they make it.

I don't like Narinder because of things I felt the game and the canonical material didn't do (or didn't do very well).

Make no fucking mistake tho. I am a hater. I am here to be a hater on the hater website. HOWEVER!! I'm not gonna reblog anyone's posts to bitch about why i don't like it or talk smack about any specific person. I have no intention of targeting anyone in specific or harassing creators. I might complain about what I see as generally held ideas in fandom but none of it is meant to be personal or even a criticism of anything's quality.

For context:

I didn't hate him at first but I was super disappointed that he wasn't, y'know, a wolf. But what the fuck do I know.

I have only briefly played the game on single-player mode. For the most part, my partner and I play a co-op file together (on the Nintendo switch).

I understand that the game started as a very humble project and that there might still be added content in the future. Any criticisms I have of the story so far are just that, criticism of the story so far.

I like the other bishops!! I think they're awesome and they have great characters, flaws and all. I think Narinder is the outlier in terms of writing quality.

Some of my dislike is petty and doesn't stem from anything. Some of it I can support with an actual argument. Again I'm a hater.

Most of my complaints come down to the way he's portrayed in-game. I don't consider headcanons/fanon/fan content to be evidence of his canon personality. (Listen!! I like fanfic and I support artists' license to reinterpret things, but that's not rly what I'm here to bitch and moan about)

I understand that characters have flaws. I'm not an idiot, I promise. But I'm also not required to find characters endearing.

I am willing to hear people out!! But don't hold your breath. I am, after all, a hater.

Why I think he sucks:

The way he attacks his siblings didn't feel like a "crime of passion", so to speak. It feels deliberate, cruel, and calculated- more in line with the image of a cold-blooded sadist than someone who has been deeply hurt and betrayed and is lashing out. He finds amusement in what he's done to them and the game never indicates that he has any regrets about it. (Or, at least, I can't find any textual evidence suggesting that ever did)

When he becomes a follower with higher loyalty, the little things he says to Lamb don't come off as cute to me, they come off as creepy. The devs seemed to have removed special follower missions from Narinder and replaced them with generic dialogue instead. For... whatever reason, some of the things Narinder says include things along the lines of "I love you" or "How's your day going?" It doesn't come off as cute to me and it only succeeds in making him seem creepy and bland. I would really really like special follower quests to be put back so that he doesn't wander around confessing his feelings for me several times a week like a sad old creep with memory problems.

AFTER YOU DO FINISH RESTORING THE BISHOP'S SEVERED BODY PARTS (THAT HE TORE OFF HIMSELF) HE STILL OFFERS VERY LITTLE. This is what sent me over the fucking edge. The other bishops give you rich, emotionally textured dialogue that really makes you understand why they all did what they did and act how they do. It's great writing!! Narinder's own monologue consists of: a reminder of how he was hurt (AGAIN), deflecting blame/explaining why he won't explain himself (THE ONLY THING I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HEAR), a vague sentiment about how times goes on (sure man), concluded by: 'here's this relic'. The relic is admittedly pretty cool but its a total failure to characterize him when the game had a chance.

Speaking of failing to characterize him!!! I have no idea what motivates him. What does he want?? Why did he start resurrecting people?? Was he aware that he was threatening his siblings' authority?? Did he care about that?? He never offers his own side of the story and I, for one, refuse to fill in the gaps for him.

He could be really cool????!!!! But he's so boring???!! Again I think this could be slightly improved by putting his follower quests back and making him a more interactive character. As it is now he's a dull follower who does very little.

He is a lot cooler if you do choose to kill him instead of sparing him and making him a follower. At least then he seems to have a complete narrative arc. I don't consider his character on the other story path to be nearly as complete considering he seems to be floating in an uncomfortable space between redemption (something that would require that he apologize even once) and antagonism (something that requires that he be an active presence in his own story which he isn't once he is indoctrinated).

I'm not gonna cinemasins ding Narinder for all the dramatic things that the narrative asks him to do even if it makes him look really bad or stupid. (i.e: why did wait this long to make the last sacrificed lamb into his vessel when he could've started right away, why didn't he just resurrect those lambs considering he can resurrect the player character? why didn't he just amass a huge army of vessels to lead his cult all at once if he needs believers that bad?) At the end of the day, I can overlook it.... BUT the absence of these answers is really felt the more you think about it. As far as the writing on the wall is he is selfish at heart and if he isn't stupid then I guess I have to assume that he's way weaker than he says. laaaammee!!

Small gripe but the game developers seem to really really want the player to spare Narinder and it annoys me. If players do kill Narinder then they get a second chance to spare him from the mystic seller, something that no one else gets afaik. It makes the decision feel much cheaper and less dramatic, as if it didn't really matter the first time and he could have been revived on a whim.

Also speaking of that, the devs really seem to push the idea that Narinder has some kind of feelings for Lamb. It's funny at first but then it just annoys me because it makes me feel like I'm forced to deal with something I didn't ask for. Like I said before, the combination of him thinking mushy thoughts about Lamb and giving generic follower lines like "I love you leader" make him come off as kinda pathetic if you don't choose to pursue him as a spouse. Like man... I'm just not into you like that.

I'm sorry but he really did need to be a wolf. Am I the only one thinking this?? C'mon.

That's probably not the extent of it but this is what comes to mind. Sorry for the long ass post but no one else seems to share my opinion. That's a big reason why I made this blog, just to see if anyone else agrees or if there's something I have just SEVERELY misunderstood. If you wanna dog on me or explain then feel free to send an ask.

Praise the Lamb. Glory to the Goat. Fuck that fallen bastard.

[furiroad]

Furiosa spoilers under the cut 🚗

It's actually staggering how much that movie did not need to exist. Gonna bullet point some thoughts

My sarcastic lol @ the lightning fast sisters cameo at the end where they're all played by completely different people. the quick flash of Cheedo's eyes bc they managed to get Courtney Eaton back for three seconds didn't appease me

I guess it technically passes the bechdel test bc right at the start Furiosa says "be still" to Valkyrie but iirc that's the only pass moment. I know not passing the bechdel test doesn't mean the movie is automatically bad I just think it's interesting considering it's following Fury Road

"she talks to her mother" I don't think they ever said her mum's name out loud

You know how mad max fury road could have a silent version w no dialogue + isolated soundtrack and it worked because you could tell what's going on anyway? This movie has the opposite problem. Way too much talking. They over-explain everything

The best bit was the prolonged torture scene at the end where Hemsworth explains Furiosa's entire character arc and the message of the movie out loud to her and also us

Even his teddy had an arm missing, replaced with a barbie arm. Thanks. We get it

Her arm made robot noises

Actually threw MY arms up in disgust when she went back for that boy she supposedly had a romance with despite the film never bothering to actually show/explain that. I'm calling it a romance because the actors did. I guess it was supposed to be a Capable/Nux parallel but it didn't work for me and not just because I'm a dyke and a hater OK, if you're gonna do a ROMANCE, DO A ROMANCE. don't leave me sitting there wondering why Furiosa is risking it all for some guy she's had ONE conversation with, especially after he offers to get her away from the Citadel and back to where she came from, WHICH IS HER ENTIRE MOTIVE EVER SINCE SHE WAS TAKEN

I DON'T GET IT

Them trying to emulate Max and Furiosa's instinctive, perfect we have to trust each other moment by having Jack and Furiosa... look at each other Meaningfully fifty times while they were supposed to be driving cars? Don't make me laugh! You will never be them!!

Max being there for a second wasn't cute! I rolled my eyes

Same at "remember me?" MAKE UP YOUR OWN STUFF

So many things happened because they needed to happen (plot demanded it) and didn't make any sense in context. My favourite was when Furiosa rode her motorcycle up a dune to get away after cutting off her arm and the biker gang couldn't follow her up there for some reason

So much Christian imagery... threw me off tbh

Considering it's Furiosa's movie it sure isn't about her + she doesn't speak at all for almost the first half

This movie was way too long

I called it about the peach seed

I called it that she cut her own arm off

George Miller read some of my blog but not all of it

You know how The People Eater rubbed his nipple that one time and it was delightfully weird and gross and got a good reaction? Well in this movie he's constantly rubbing it, the whole time. Really lessens the impact of the nipple rub

As you can see this movie has made me insane

Like this is not really about the nipple rub but do you get what I'm saying here

Furiosa spends most of the movie hiding her hair (because as we all know, having long hair immediately identifies you as a woman) and then when her head covering gets knocked off and her hair is revealed (omg she's a girl) she leaves it like that and becomes an Imperator. On what planet

The history man frames the entire movie for some reason. Do they show Miss Giddy? Take a wild guess

One of the coolest parts of fury road was that a gang of bikers ended up being hardcore wasteland grannies w guns and loose morals in response to people fucking around for far too long without finding out. Did this movie have anything like that for me? Take a wild guess for a second time

The car fight scenes weren't even that great. Couldn't remember hearing any good music under them (brother in arms truly lightning in a bottle) and they went on for too long which feels wild to say about suped up car battles in the australian wasteland: 2 but oh well. This is how I feel. Fury Road was so good at carefully measuring out high octane action and then downtime and careful, quiet character introspection and this movie had no idea what it was doing either way

Honestly I don't hate it but I feel like it was a waste of time and it doesn't need to exist at all. A real nothing experience. Am I going to see this movie ten times in cinemas? No I am not even going to see it twice in cinemas

I don't know what I was expecting.

oh my god also they played clips of Fury Road over the credits as if to say "remember how fucking good this is in comparison to the dumb shit you just watched"

[soypz]

- What Andreas Rönnberg Says About The "Allegations" When Confronted

[TW, mentions of overdosing, mentions of self harm, mentions of grooming, drugs, and a long ass post lmao]

PS, If you don't care about this stuff, I mean like.... don't read it? go focus on the game or community. This is for the people who want Andreas' approval on the situation. Don't like it ? Don't read it

This prob gonna flop but I don't care honestly, i had in my drafts since November 😭. I've been holding this for a sec but its probably one of the final things I'll be making about Andreas because i dont want this blog to be ALLLL about him at all. A little summary is im explaining how the evidence he sends to people trying to "disprove the allegations" has a bunch of plotholes. My friend didn't know what to do with this stuff so I took it into my own hands.

2-3 months ago, Andreas [u/andreas_ronnberg] wrote somebody I know on reddit after he kept calling him out on a thread Andreas 100% corrupted by making his fans who downvote anyone who dare to say they had a negative view of him or look deeper into the grooming situation. He used this long, copy-pasted reply at the beginning of the chat to "disprove" the "allegations" and say they're false and/or twisted around. So technically, this is Andreas' side of everything for anyone who wanted to see both sides, although I'm not sugar coating anything and I'm pointing out his flaws here, my blog, my rules. Plus Andreas blocked me but if he sees this from an alt since he's so crazed about his reputation that'll be funny.

Okay, so first of all, this copy-pasted paragraph is written really weirdly but I'll list it first since its funny as fuck, "The rumors are made by an obsessed manipulative fanGIRL who now identifies as NONBINARY and their TRANSGENDER boyfriend" LOL. He misgendered Sani right then and there while saying he was trying to be "respectful" and then made a PS saying that he mentioned their genders because they hate being misgendered. I dunno about you, but I feel like he DEFINITELY did that on purpose. Also, Sani isn't a "fangirl" of this man, if he used past tense before they were nonbinary it would make sense but using fangirl in general is just odd. but it's whatever and not the main thing we are focusing on there.

I had to split his words here cause it's long but I won't have to much

He shows some of his.... "proof" here and uses his nephews and nieces to guilt even though he did this to himself and what goes on the internet stays.

This shows the people he mentioned about (his "harassers") and another a police report

The first screenshots doesn't matter because it's just saying "fuck you, we claim the characters now" which just made his feelings hurt for a grown man, but this police report one is interesting.

(also I have no clue how this considered his only proof of strong harassment with Sani because there is worse than meanie hastags, especially when he uploaded someone's barely censored nudes... but hm sure sani is more "fragile" 😹

The top notification says "Notification of your decision," and the rest say, "Copy of your police report", you see, this would be believable for me if it actually had a name attached to it.... even though this is the supposed police report against the Sani, Sani would literally say to you nothing is happening right now, not even in court. Not only that, but this (again) shows no proof it was against the victim and could be just an entirely random person he's reporting. If you think about it, if something was happening in court and he was winning due to everything being quote on quote, "misinformation, false rumors, manipulated content, and irrelevant stuff taken out of context." He wouldn't have been privately dming people out the blue saying he's innocent, might as well be very formal and public about it if he ACTUALLY was though.

Finally, he doesn't meet court standards anyway. If they look into him deeper, they'd see his history of drug use (which is especially serious with Swedish laws) and the revenge porn he willingly uploaded on his server.

REGARDING THE OVERDOSE

You see, his idea of this is weird. He and his wife blame his aspergers and the overdose of his medication on all this and say it's okay. Firstly, I don't even know what the aspergers has to do with this, it gives bad representation on people with autism in my opinion because overdosing on something and sexting a "friend" while you have a wife doesn't mean your autism forced you to do it. His analogy is strange too, it's similar to - If you hit a person while drunk driving, ITS OK ! You were under the influence of drugs and if you accidentally killed that person or seriously hospitalized them, you deserve no jail time because it was definitely not you at the time ! And totally not your fault!!

You see where I'm getting? If you hospitalize someone even if you were under the influence, you will and should face consequences either way. It was your choice to overdose. It was their choice to get drunk. Therefore, I do not feel as much sympathy for him on his side, he chose to go the wrong way and messed up a friendship himself, this is not the other person's fault and entirely understandable if they wanted to break the friendship up over it.

Also, he changes it up.... first, he says the overdose was caused by Sani because their blog post about him, but now it was an "AcCidEnTaL" overdose?... hm.. conflicting... if Sani caused it and you overdosed because they made that post, that's not an accident.

Anyways, on more to Andreas' side

Here he mentions Yulia (Yulia is a woman who was involved in Andreas shenanigans he claims was "the overdose" incident. Andreas knew Yulia since she was 12 (he said it himself over voice messages in their direct messages in the exposing Andreas v3 doc).

Here is the screenshot he provided, saying Yulia doesn't want to be involved.

It's very funny how he says Sani takes things out of context but uhm we have this....

(POV from Yulia's end)

"Owe? No, I don't owe you anything, I already said what you wanted me to say, I said that I wanted her to stop it, and I'm not a victim as she positioned me to"

Wow, Andreas. You MADE her say that so you look better and tried to make her delete an archive that wasn't even hers?... such proof, man. Now you see, Yulia doesn't really consider herself as a victim and this is why i havent mentioned her as one specifically although, either way Andreas has said horrible things to her still and taken her out of context to look better. Yulia doesn't care about him anymore but shared her story for the safety of anyone else this could happen to.

He says the things with Sani are completely fake because there aren't voice messages tied to their chats so theres no physical identity to "prove" it if it was real, and he likes to take advantage of that.

Also his self harming; He shared photos of himself on a trip to the mental hospital on his public server, and Yulia had proof of his self-harm photos he directly sent her as well as his crazed voice messages. He had no way out of the proof Yulia had and saying it was fake at the time would not work, especially since AI and other programs could not replicate photos like they do today, obviously.

He's right. He didn't cheat on his wife.... he attempted to. Luckily he has a wife that says to 'understand him' and have him get help although, clearly something hasn't been working if he still isn't living up to her expectations if he's privately dming people about the situation falsely and not apologizing to Sani at the very LEAST for sharing nudes on his server but whatever.

[Also, no one here in the screenshots are a 'fan', just more of his egotistical mumbling]

Either way, if he cheated on his wife or not, thats not really my business and kinda up to her in my opinion, although you see she sees a lot in Andreas. It's such a shame not even one promise she said would work couldn't be kept though due to his ego and delued takes on everything. If this actually worked Andreas might as well just should have owned up to it and apologize to Sani, that's all he could have done instead of tormenting his self through all this but that's his choice...

You see, if Andreas was serious about this, then he would come out publicly and not oddly DM people saying "FAKE FAKE FAKE" like anyone else would. If it's all just misinformation and taken out of context screenshots, then you would have come out about this now publicly and not hide it from your beloved community of people who admire you dearly right? or at least your defenders? I cannot say your whole community myself. But sure make your wife do it for you!

AND HERE ENDS THE ANDREAS PROOF SAGA !

After build ups of DMs, Andreas eventually stopped replying and gave up. No, I do not encourage sending hateful dms to Andreas or anyone else involved. This is to spread awareness about how Andreas ACTUALLY is. Yes, you can like his games all you want and play them, completely fine. Support him, though, and that's breaking the ice, but it's ultimately up to you.

Final note, if you, yes, you Andreas defenders, ever find this and would like to say this is "fake" or "manipulated" as well, I'd like you, in return, give me solid proof that it is first :) I do not accept text-based evidence such as

"This evidence seems fake" ,

"I thought Andreas said/debunked ....",

"Andreas said to ignore this because its old and ..."

I will need your 100% certainty (even though i know im not getting it teehee), as well as you to look into both sides of the story equally before you share an opinion because if you don't, THATS how you spread actual misinformation. Ya' supposed hardcore Cry of Fear fans gotta realize you can't call everyone a harasser or obsessed for having a voice against a popular opinion or vision of someone. No one sane is or wants to stalk this man but his actual parasocial fans. We're just calling him out and forever will cause just because something is old doesn't mean it shouldn't be remembered or not taken seriously still Lol. Don't feel bad for an infanilzed 30 year old man.

Rant over

[huntedhauntedhunter]

I have TADC agere headcanons...if anyone cares (prolly not haha)

Posting on art blog because I post my agere art here sometimes, so why not headcanons and writings too?

Will be tagged properly so you can blacklist it if you want.

Age regressors: Gangle and Pomni (FT. YOU)

Caretakers: Jax (yes and I will explain more later), Ragatha, and Zooble

Grandparent who spoils the agere and helps the caretakers: Kinger

I don't have...a spot/hc for Caine yet...sorry...feel free to tell me what you think he'd be good as though, and why/how!

------

🎀Agere Gangle: Its kind of obvious and she's not oblivious to it or in denial. She loves agere and finds it comfty and safe. She loves to draw for hours and have playdates with Pomni (she actually convinces Pomni its ok and to do it.)

I HC her caretaker as Zooble, who can be romantic or platonic! I just think Zooble would be a good caretaker for her.

📐Caretaker Zooble: Zooble is...meh about it on the surface. They don't care and they don't think they need to be so public about it. But once in the headspace, they're kind of like...a cigerette mom? Where they're sarcastic about everything, and they question almost all of your choices with a specific type of judgementalness...but they really care and if anyone (Jax) fucks with their baby, it's gonna go down.

Having Gangle as their little really opens up a protective side they didn't know they had in them. Beating the shit outta Jax becomes a more common occurence.

🤹🏻‍♀️Agere Pomni: Pomni is def in denial, and it takes a LOT of convincing from Gangle (and gentle coaxing from Ragatha telling her it's ok) to really let themselves get into it. She is very shy and anxious about it. At first she was paranoid about others finding out (namely Jax), but one Jax finds out and she becomes accustomed to...him, she really gets into. I feel Ragatha would be the best caretaker, whether platonic or romantic (altho I personally lean towards romantic!)

🔪Caretaker Ragatha: (Knife emoji is for a few reasons haha) I've seen everyone under the sun HC Ragatha as a caretaker...and so they've pretty much already said everything and I agree! Gentle, loving, sweet, but also firm and no nonsense. Her and Jax get into a LOT of fights over the littles...like, a lot. It's like watching two parents at a sports event scuffle over whose kid is better.

♟Grandpa Kinger: I HC Kinger as a grandpa figure. He isn't really a caretaker, but he spoils the littles and plays along with everyone whether he actually knows whats going on or not. Def lets them hide in his pillow fortress, whether to play in, sleep in, or be naughty and hide from their caretakers in. Teaches them about insects...plays silly games with them...etc.

🐇Caretaker Jax: OK...this one is purely for me and I have a lot amusing scenarios with Jax in which I think he'd be a fun and unique type of caretaker...So hear me out...(Since I don't see him as a caretaker for anyone in the circus, section will be xreader, sorry! I made him a caretaker for me, but if anyone does read this and enjoys it...here you go.)

It'd start with him finding out about you being an agere. And in typical Jax fashion, he would mock, berate, and tease the hell out of you every single chance he got. He would def make you cry and be paranoid, because he would go through your room and nitpick anything and everything he found.

Slowly though, and I mean SO slowly you wouldn't even notice it was happening...he would insert himself as your caretaker. Like, I'm talking he would just find amusement in teasing you and playing the part, making you upset and then saying shit like "what, aren't I a good daddy?" when he "helps" you fix the problem he caused...or sushing you by sticking a paci in your mouth, or threatening to spank you if you annoy him just a tad.

He would eventually just. Go to the playdates and sit between Zooble and Ragatha and just...start pretending he's your parent. Behind your back. You wouldn't realize he's doing this or talking about you in this way for awhile. You'd only realize it one day, when you Pomni and Gangle are having a fun competition, and you hear Jax yell at the others about how "his kids the best and gonna win", or some sports dad shit.

You don't know how to confront him, TBH...I'll let you insert how you'd personally confront him.

He's super teasing, loves having excuses to "punish" you (usually puts you in a poorly made baby jail), and acts like a mix between a deadbeat dad who only intercepts when he feels like it, and a protective dad who feels like he has to fight everyone about you being better than all the other "brats".

(Sorry the Jax part is so long, I just have lots of feelings about it...and IK the fandom would see "caretaker Jax" and laugh at how absurd that is which is fair, it's meant to be absurd! That's part of the fun and why I enjoy the idea so much.)

Anyways...yeah...that's it...just need HCs for Caine and Bubble and I'll be set....Sorry for how long this is and if you for some reason decided to read it...wow.

[beansterpie]

ES21 japanese volumes - part 1/??

part 2 >>

Sooooo I recently got my hands on the complete Eyeshield 21 manga series in Japanese and as someone who's only ever read the story through fan-translations on dodgy websites online, I wanted to go through and "live" blog about it, so to speak. I thought it would be interesting to see the changes between the languages and where the fan-translations likely fail with mistranslations. (No shade btw, I think fan-translations are great both as a hobby and the fact that they're doing their work for free, but it's also a reality that the vast majority of fan-translators are amateurs, many of whom don't fluently speak the language they're translating, so there's bound to be mistakes!) Also, I wanna know what they're originally saying because I’m nosey <3

I know the official English translation by VIS is allegedly pretty decent, bar the toning down of some things (like Hiruma's language lol) so if you've had the chance to read the official version, feel free to chime in on differences with the fan-translation that I'll be referencing, or potential differences between the Japanese version too!

And finally, while I am half Japanese and grew up there, tragically my language skills are imperfect. I speak it, but my vocabulary isn't very robust, so I do look up the definitions for a lot of words and kanji, as well as more nuanced connotations or references that may go over my head. Bilingual problems <3 But again, it's good practice for me and I think it'll be kind of fun!

Right off the bat, this page. What it’s saying is essentially, “You better come out and play (in the) American Football match!” But because Japanese syntax is different from English, it’s structured like “American Football Match you better play!!” The translator was confused by the final line, because in Japanese a way to say ‘participating in a match’ is by using 出�� which means to ‘go out’— sort of like ‘go out (into) the match’. Maybe a better option would have been ‘get the fuck out and play!!” or just “you better fucking play!!”. It still keeps the overall sentence structure which sounds awkward in English, but at least it gets the meaning across.

(I’m not gonna get into every little mistranslation btw, because that would take forever, but I felt that was a good way to explain how frequently there are little mistakes like this.)

Putting the rest under a cut because I imagine this will get long

Look at our boy <3 So as you know, we start our story with Sena Kobayakawa timidly seeing if he passed his high school entrance exam into Deimon High School, with his childhood friend/older sister figure, Mamori Anezaki lending moral support.

In the third panel, what Sena says is actually “I feel like I’ve been praised for the first time in 10 years—” (maybe they changed it because that was too pathetic 😭) Then in the fourth panel, what Mamori says is more along the lines of “And to think you were a total mess in math and English… It’s all thanks to Mamori-sensei!”

Also I want to point out that Mamori is a little cheekier in the first few chapters. Like obviously still kind and nurturing in personality (her name is literally ‘to protect’), but she teases Sena and feels more like an older sister than like, an overprotective mom lol. Miss that for her 😔

Then along comes our kind senpai to accost our clueless protag...

There’s no mistranslation, but I just wanted to mention that the way Hiruma talks in Japanese is so funny? Like in panel 1, he’s speaking with a dramatic affect, he sounds like some sort of npc in a jrpg giving the protag a quest. And then in panel 2, his ‘of course!’ is this shortened, slang version of the word that sounds almost cute and very modern after the previous line. Hiruma uses a lot of slang in general, though I can’t say if any of it is like, common or used by teenagers (of the time, anyway) or if it’s just Hiruma-isms.

(Look at Kurita doing the sign of the cross in panel 3 😂)

I can’t believe Hiruma managed to physically emulate the experience of contracting some shady internet virus…..

Something that’s done with Hiruma’s dialogue a lot (it’s done w/ other characters too, but most often with Hiruma) is where there’ll be a word/term in kanji that means one thing and pronounced in a certain way, but then the furigana (so the phonetic pronounciation, basically) next to it says something different. Now, in some stories (like Berserk for my pals out there), this is used to create poignant, layered meanings in the text. In ES21 however, it’s mostly used for sports manga flavor. For example, in the above page in Hiruma’s spam fax message, he uses the word 作戦, which means tactics or strategy, and is pronounced: “sa - ku - se - nn” さ-く-せ-ん. But the furigana next to that word reads タクティクス which is quite literally just the English word ‘tactics’ spelled phonetically in Japanese lol (aka a loanword).

He does this A LOT, most frequently with sports terminology, where the kanji are pretty dense, technical terms, and the furigana a loanword version of the same meaning. (though now that I think about it, it might also be because while パワー (power) and スピード (speed) are frequently used and well known loanwords to the average Japanese person, タクティクス (tactics) might be more obscure, so the kanji is there to like, clarify the meaning? 🤔)

Also I love all the early 2000’s tech we see in the early chapters— flip phones and fax machines galore! Even within the later segments of the series, the flip phones start to magically get more advanced, but in my heart ES21 takes place in like, 2003. If they ever do a remake of the anime (which is unlikely to say the least) I’d want them to maintain the early 00’s vibes. It just wouldn’t be the same if everyone had smart phones.

Skipping ahead a few pages, I remember this bit never really made sense, but I got enough of the general gist that I kind of shrugged and moved along. But!! the translation is just making stuff up here?

So for context: it’s Sena’s first day at Deimon, and Mamori (who’s a grade above him) advises him to make proper friends this year, since he has a history of only ‘hanging out’ with shitty bullies who used him as an errand boy.

In the English translation, Sena seems to get a text from a mystery number, telling him to pay up for a bet we never saw happening. He goes to meet up with the texter, who we assume at this point is a previous aquaintence, since he had Sena's number? Maybe one of those bullies that Sena hung out with from middle school? They make Sena go and get them an unspecified thing, but because Sena ran there and back so quickly, they don't believe that Sena actually went, and is lying when he says they were sold out. They drag Sena to a small shed to beat him up, and in the last panel of the third page, Sena says that he's been their errand boy since kindergarden?

So for a number of years I was under the impression that the Ha-ha brothers knew Sena from before the series, even though that never seemed to come up in the rest of the story.

But in the original version, Sena is actually getting a text from Mamori-- which makes sense because it was established earlier that his cell phone is brand new and he only has Mamori's number in his contacts. Mamori's text says: "If someone tries to make you run their errands, tell them 'let's decide by rock-paper-scissors!'" Sena is understandably kind of embarrassed by this, and mutters to himself that he's not a kid anymore.

Then it cuts to Sena being picked on to be an errand boy lmao. Presumably this is because Sena just looks like an easy target to bullies, not because of any previous aquaintence rip. The blond bully tells Sena to go buy them bread (which might sound weird, but Japan has a lot of tasty snack breads that they sell everywhere). In panels 2+3 of the second page, Sena timidly tries to bring up the rock-paper-scissors thing, but is intimidated into giving up and just doing what he's told.

Again, they don't believe that Sena actually went all the way to the school store and back with how quick he was, so they decide to beat him up in the shed. As he's being dragged, Sena says, "It really was sold out! I've gotten used to being an errand boy since kindergarden, so I've just gotten fast--!"

So yeah, if there were any other people who've only read fan-translations and were confused by this bit, there you go.

oh you just know it smelled like ass in here.....

(I never noticed the shotgun propped against the desk on the right before lol, idk why I'm surprised, but Hiruma really just left his Actual Guns lying around huh?)

(2nd pic - Kurita: "New club applicants!!?")

There he is!! Our boy Kurita!! I do miss when he occassionally had like, more human features lol. As much as I love his big ol' smiley face, it does rub me the wrong way when the fat characters (because Komusubi falls into this too) are the only ones with anpanman faces.

(anpanman, for the uninitiated)

(Kurita: "To literally clash with the opponent in order to pursue a goal together with everyone-- that moment is exhilerating!")

Aw look at Sena feeling inspired! Honestly I really love how Kurita is Sena's first friend he makes in the series, and that vibe in the early chapters where it's just Sena, Kurita and Hiruma is so much fun <3

(P1: Kurita: "Way to go Sena!" Imaginary Coach: "It's thanks to you that we could participate in the Christmas Bowl!" Mamori: "You're so cool Sena!"

P2: Mamori: "You have to make the first move!" Sena: "U-um!"

P3: Sena: "Can I... be the team shumu*?" Kurita: "WHAAATT!? O-OF-OF COURSE!")

*Ok soooo I don't fully understand what a shumu is lol, or how you'd translate it to English. The word itself apparently means 'person in charge' so? The fan-translation just calls it the manager, but based on something Hiruma says later, I get the impression that the shumu and the manager are technically different roles? But when Mamori becomes the manager later, she takes on a lot of what are allegedly 'shumu tasks', along with Hiruma, so idk. If anyone's read the official VIS translation, feel free to chime in on how they did it, because I'd be curious to know!

That being said, adorable of Sena to think he could have handled that responsiblity at all 😂 our boy has many talents, but being smart and organized is not among them.

Ok fun feelings are over, it's time for pain.

(Sena looking at his contact list, having just added Kurita's number, then wham D: )

The three bullies from before were waiting to get revenge. The dialogue is a bit different in the original. Juumonji (the blond one) actually says: "That fatso a friend of yours, Sena? Tell me his contact info-- if you do that, we'll let you go." To which Sena timidly and reluctantly agrees. Then Kuroki (the dark haired one) says: "But do you think one bat will be enough? With that brute strength..." In the final panel, Juumonji says: "It's better with just one, since we're gonna call the police beforehand." Togano (with the glasses): "The police?"

Juumonji: "As long as we get him wrapped up in the fight, it'll be fine. We'll say we got these wounds from being assaulted by the fatso with the bat -- We'll get him disqualified from the American Football tournament." One of the others: "Ooohh, smart!"

I guess the overall sentiment isn't that different, but knowing that the initial demand was for Sena to hand over Kurita's contact info with the promise that they would spare him if he obeyed-- and that at first he agreed-- makes his change of heart feel even more significant.

(Sena: "IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME, THEN HIT ME!!! I'LL NEVER TELL YOU (Kurita's info)!!!")

Tell 'em Sena!! A part of me sort of wishes the story maintained this serious story beat instead of undercutting it with humor in the next panel (not shown here) but at the same time, ES21 is overall a more lighthearted, comedic story which I love it for, so I don't think I'd like it getting too angsty. I'll always have Berserk in my corner if I want some actual angst lol.

(1st pic: various sounds of surprise or pain, and in the last panel: "Oi, don't let him get away!"

2nd pic: Sena -- "No way!!!" Hiruma: "Hm? Oh it's that guy" )

Lol I do love the little details Murata included, like Kuroki taking a swing at Sena as he's biting Juumonji's hand but then totally missing in the fourth panel because Sena's so fast. Also I'm always on the lookout for the kinds of stuff Hiruma buys, snack wise. We know he loves sugarless gum, obv, and drinks coke based on that one time he bought some for himself, Kurita & Sena, but what else are in those bags? I want to know!!

--------

And lol apparently I'm only allowed 30 images per post rip, so I guess I'll end this here. I guess I can.... reblog and continue? Or I might just make another post for the next part 🤔 Besides this got way too long, so I'll have to be more brief in future posts lol.

I'm honestly not expecting more than like, five people to interact with this lol, but if anyone is interested in specific points of the story they want me to look at, please feel free to ask!

[bloogers-boogers]

Oooo ask blogs are fun)) Cain and Abel how's parenting going and what do you think about your Dad and Lucifer's situation

Cain: OHOHOHO—! where to fucking start?

Abel: just start by answering the question

Cain: bitch let me speak. Wait, what was the question again?

Charlie: I think they were asking about your thoughts on our dads being together...

Angel Dust: And how y'all do it

Vaggie: they did NOT ask about their sex life

Angel Dust: it was implied

Vaggie: it was not

Husker: just answer the fucking question, kid

Cain: WHO YOU CALLING A KID!?? I'm literally older than all of you hoes!

Abel: we're doing great! Raising Macey has been wonderful so far

Cain: for YOU. Raising Macey is wonderful for you. Do you know how difficult is to tame a kid from wrath?? VERY difficult. It's to be expected by demons who's strengths is rooted through anger. You can imagine all the punches I had to take just to feed her. For a wrath demon it's like the ocean breeze of the beach but for us outsiders that don't belong to the wrath ring is like teaching a rabid hyena how to not bite your arm off. It's a battlefield everyday and this ain't nothing to what we'll expect when she hits puberty.

Angel Dust: if you knew it was gonna be difficult to raise her, why pick a baby from wrath?

Cain: because! ... Abel's from wrath, so.. well he loves challenges. I do too. It just— it fits right?? Okay. Simple as that.

Abel: *smiles*

Cain: *blushes deeply while rolling his eyes* fine. Seeing her reminds me of Abel, and I don't know she's fucking adorable, have you seen her? Also I love getting my arm yanked off every time it's bath time.

*Everyone looks at him in concern*

Cain: it's fucking worth it. It's like when you raise a cat.

Abel: when it comes to our opinions in our dad dating Lucifer it's kinda divided because at first we kinda thought this was genuinely just a professional agreement.

Cain: fuck nah, I knew from the very start that plan would crumble in failure the moment papa called us explaining the situation he was stuck in, our dad's an emotional mess. We know him well enough to call him insane. But I didn't think he'd be wanting the devil's ass. More like, a gay awakening to say the least but not 'wanting the guy that took my wives' awakening y'know

Abel: I mean.. the guy is okay, he's just as mentally fucked up like our dad

Cain: or even worse

Abel: they're very sad old men

Cain: stupid too

Abel: I feel bad for him. But I personally do think our dad's a little confused and shouldn't rush himself into a relationship with the literal devil

Cain: your jealousy is beyond comprehension. He's a daddy's boy. A very overprotective son, picky too

Abel: I'm not jealous. I'm concerned. Neither is stable enough to maintain a relationship

Cain: neither were we

Abel: so you're approving this?

Cain: hell nah. That'll just add more fuel to the theories that I'm Lucifer's spawn. I just think if those two do go official it wouldn't be that bad. Though our papa can score better but then again if you think of it, down here. 'Better' is the open can of beans laying inside sewer water

Abel: we are very grateful that Lucifer did offer himself to far extents as marriage just to keep our dad from being abused and tortured. We haven't yet thank him, with everything that's been happening we haven't had time and he's very awkward around us. Though we still do plan on thanking him when we're given the chance

Cain: most likely when we leave

Abel: point is, we can't say we like him for our dad's actual partner. As an individual he has good intentions, very bad at expressing them, but a genuine okay guy. But if our dad's crazy enough to give the devil a chance, we won't interfere. We just would have a hard time understanding it.

Cain: theres a part of me that thinks our dad's still freaky for our momma *hopeful smile*

Abel: ...

Abel: sure, honey. Whatever makes you sleep at night

Angel Dust: after rereading the ask over ten times I don't think they were referring to the relationship on itself, you guys, I think they were referring to-

Cain: times up! Next question!

[themissingnumbers]

Hi, Starry! Remember that observation I said I wanted to do of that "A Boy Named Red" art piece? I finally got around to that. I don't mean to clutter your inbox or blog, but I don't know where else to put it, so I'll just put it here- This probably won't have any sort of theory in it, but I dunno yet. We'll see-

1. Where do I start- Uhhh, did anybody else see that one half of Fire's face is just... missing? Like, it's decomposed or something. You have to change the brightness of the image to see it, but you can see his bones—the mandible/jaw, the zygomatic bone, and the maxilla. Looks like his eye is missing, too, or is just empty/milky white. Freaky. (Also, those gold dots are looking right at us you cannot convince me otherwise.)

2. Might be grasping at straws here, but for whatever reason my brain focused on the fact that there are no words near Fire's head when it's perfectly fine overlapping everything and everyone else. The inner circle of the halo closest to his head is empty. Is that symbolism? Like, showing that he has no ability to think for himself? That the only words he's influenced by are the words of "God" (In air quotes because fuck Arceus, that thing is no god to me-) and nobody else's input matters so long as he does what he's told?

3. The Strings. Those strings bug me in a way I can't really explain. It's not just the stitches that are holding him together, but it's that fact that they're like... pretty. They're wrapped around him in such an intricate manner, like a work of art or the bow on an expensive present. They feel possessive. Evil. They're restrictive. One is connected to his eye, the other to the corner of his mouth, the others are wrapped around his arms and legs, and there are more wrapped around each individual finger. They're not quite chains, but they may as well be. They give me the vibes of "Oh, your pet finally learned to behave, so it deserves a nicer collar." It looks nicer, and it's more comfortable, but the core meaning behind it is still the same. Someone else owns you and you have no freedom. It gives me an oddly icky feeling.

4. Can I focus in on the sword for a second? Okay, thanks- That thing is so cool. Younger me was a bit of a weapon nut and that came out a little bit the more I looked at it, so enjoy this little ramble. The sword itself, as in the blade, at first glance reminded me of a Xiphos but looked like more of a Gladius upon closer inspection due to the shape of the blade. Xiphos swords have a Leaf-shaped blade that sort of gets wider in the middle and a reinforced mid-rib, while Gladius blades are completely straight with a uniform width and a pointed top, along with a diamond cross-section. (It's probably not a short sword, but from the angle I'm looking at, it looks like a short sword.) [Hold up: I went back and refreshed my knowledge, and I swear this blade looks like a Cinquedea, at least in shape.] Now, I can't really see what specifics the blade has got, but based on the blood spatter I'm gonna assume it's got a diamond cross-section. (But this is also fantasy so who really cares?) I also can't really see the hilt of the blade either, but with the angle we're looking at it seems like it's curved, which is freaking awesome. A curved hilt gives you more leverage for cutting and is good for thrusting attacks due to its more pistol-like grip, so it's effective. It's a powerful weapon when placed in the right hands. What I'm really focused on though is that based on the blade's appearance, it looks like a double-edged sword... which would be bad for a blade with a curved hilt because now you can't use it in the opposite direction, but there's also an extra meaning in a more figurative sense—like the power is a burden. Take that as you will :)

5. The Bodies. There are SO many bodies, some of which I spent too long trying to identify with no clues, but I'll just point out who I see. You've got (shirtless!) Red on the left with his ribs exposed and his guts spilling out, still smiling. You've got Blue not too far away from him with a knife in his neck. And then a little bit behind Blue but closer to fire there's just a pile of bones hidden by the darkness. I don't know who those belong to, but they're there. Over to the right, we can see who I'm pretty sure is Leaf going off of the dress, the shackles and the bloody hands. You can see Miki's head right by Fire's foot all wrapped up in red string. A little bit behind who I'm assuming is Leaf, I'm assuming is another Blue with bleeding ears or an injured face? They've got the FRLG high-collared shirt that Blue seems to wear, but the shoes don't really match up so I'm not really sure. I also don't know who's in the chest or who's facing Suicune, but all the way in the bottom right corner is Gold (ouch-) I couldn't tell at first, but after brightening up the image, you can see his hood, the detail of his pockets, and that little band on the sleeve of the arm laying nearby. (Poor Gold, but also Poor Fire-)

6. Other items. There are a lot of little things just lying around in this picture that I'm not really sure about, but I'll give them my best guesses here. There's something to the right of Fire, just below the hand holding the sword, that kinda looks like... coins? A flower? I'm not really sure, but it looks like it's on top of something else, which I unfortunately cannot see. There's a classic brick Game Boy off to the right as well. Don't know why it's there along with the box that person was shoved in. There's also like... some fuzz?- or some shit right up by Fire's wrist, which I also don't know why it's there or who it belongs to. I'm just assuming it's fluff/fur based on how I've seen Starry draw fur and Eevee. There are some crystals on the left, which kinda look like those crazy crystals jutting out of Dark Mewtwo. And there's also this weird ball thing in the bottom left that I genuinely cannot identify. It looks like it's being held together by green string, but I'm not sure. (Almost forgot to mention the Pomeg Berry at Fire's feet-)

7. The Others. I don't have too much to say about them, but there are two other characters in the background. A Suicune who's wearing a muzzle, and a Hisuain Zoroark with a golden collar around its neck. I'm assuming that the Zoroark is the character that got teased a while back, the one that was "Collared by the Narrative" I believe. Now, I'm also not sure why Suicune is wearing a muzzle, but I'm going to take it at face value and assume it's a form of control because the idea of Arceus having other gods in its back pocket just makes sense to me.

Okay, I think that's all I got for now. Sorry if it's too long. I just wanted to write this stuff down while I had the energy. Hope you like it though :)

Death comes in many forms; Slaughtered, Poisoned, Enshrined. Not every body is how it was, scraps and fragments left behind.

Remember the thirds, all that went wrong. The Youngest is the Eldest, strange beasts who don't belong.

Copies are valuable, for the imperfections they hold. Truth lies in scripture, held together with gold.

[oh-my-damn]

Wrote this a little while back. Didnt post it bc I didnt want to create drama. But as Im currently sitting on a plane about to leave for Venice I decided, fuck it. I'm gonna post it now.

And then turn on flight mode so I can miss the reaction to it lmao.

Enjoy.

Okay, I have to get this off my chest because it's been bugging me for a while.

First of all, the idea that any blog on tumblr would have legitimate insider-info on a celebrity is absolutely ridiculous. That's the first point I want to make. Please explain to me why PR teams would be going to one of the lesser-known/popular social media sites to spread info they want out there? And if they don't actually want it out there, why leak it? And if they do want it out there or at least some details, why not go to actual magazines or SM accounts with huge traction like DM?

Second of all, why would they then, after leaking said info, ask the recipients of it to NOT share the details.

Who benefits from that? What is the point?

I beg you, please open your eyes. If you're being sent "info", it is because whoever sent it to you wants you to spread it, in the exact manner they're informing you to do so.

That is when you're supposed to question why? Why are they sending this? Why are they sharing it with you and only you and then asking you to not relay any details about said info, but only to leak the info itself?

Why would they do that? What would the motivation be?

Could it perhaps be because this info is actually being planted in your hands as literal free PR, for whoever said info benefits? AKA if you've received tips in the past that turned out to be true, who did those tips ultimately end up being about? Who did they end up pushing or benefitting? Why are you not receiving tips or info that relays to who it was actually meant to be about, but instead on content that actually gets spun around to be about someone else?

Could it perhaps be that the reason it's being sent to a tumblr blog and not a more reputable source like DM is because it may not actually be factual, but it'll create enough buzz for someone in particular to spread it on here, and that way there won't be repercussions in the media if it turns out to be false?

If you're receiving info or tips on content that ultimately gets spun around to be about or centered on AB (because the fandom and also yourself is perpetuating that) then you must be able to realize who is sending you info. It's coming from the person who is benefitting from it. That is perhaps the reason why you're receiving tips that can be spun around to be about her, but not tips that has nothing to do with her (AKA Walmart event or podcast release or Jinx interviews, etc)

Please. Please please please. Take a look and consider why you're being sent this. Please consider who is sending it. Please consider who benefits from it.

Whether you have the info or not, please be rational. Because it might not turn out to be real in the end (we'll see). The point remains that someone wants this info out there in the manner it's being leaked and instead of just doing whatever they want, we should instead question why they would want that in the first place.

[mochinomnoms]

Hi! First-time asker has been compelled out of her silence by your awesome posts. First off I wanna say I've been following you for a while and I love your blog! Your posts always make my day. What's it like to have a brain that big?

Secondly, not a request but just a thought. There's been a lot of talk about the tittie pockets and the boys being surprised/impressed by them, but as a B-cup member of the itty bitty tittie committee, I can't help but consider the opposite. Maybe the boys have a female family member in their lives who regularly uses the tittie pocket to store stuff and are thus a bit confused on why small-chested Yuu tries and mostly fails to put stuff in their pockets which aren't even big enough to hold their phone (as is the curse of women's pockets). I'm thinking maybe Deuce say mama spade do it a lot and asks Yuu about it out of innocence/not really considering the connotations of asking such a thing. Or maybe Floyd has seen mama Leech do it and asks because of his sheer lack of a filter/lack of giving a fuck about what might be 'socially appropriate' to ask. And Yuu's just embarrassed about being in this situation having to answer these dumbasses, but is able to explain that they really can't do that, and the boys are just like "Oh... Well I'll carry your stuff for you then :D". As I said not a request just a thought from someone who loves your blog and thought that the tiny tittie Yuus deserved some recognition too.

Aaaaa they're so sweet! Some of the guys are unaware that feminine clothes don't accommodate for things like pockets (guess with don't need pockets smh) and sometimes we're struggling to carry things. And no tiddy pockets!? Oof, maybe your bra can hold one or two smaller things like chapstick or a some cash, but that's about it. It's okay, Deuce is happily offering his pockets to hold your stuff! Some of them see you struggling, and Vil specifically gets you a bag he was sent from brand's gifting campaigns. It's not his style, he's not gonna make any videos about it, and it would be a waste to leave it collecting dust. So he's offering it to you so you can carry your stuff; I'm sure he's aware that skirts, dresses, and women/feminine clothing doesn't have deep enough pockets and stuff.