#is apparently what i tagged it before and its too funny not to keep doing it

[the-chattering-tower]

Irogane was once a priestess in a reclusive sect upon the Driftwood Drag, founded by Water dragons fleeing from prying eyes. They had sought to summon and trap an Aspect of the Arcanist himself, to replace their drowned god. Instead what they had dragged into existence was Cambria, unbeknownst to them an Aspect of the Nameless One instead of the Arcanist, a deity who cares much for its followers but has no close ties to the Eleven at all. But the members of the sect were none the wiser to their mistake. They celebrated and sacrificed and prepared to bind their new god into servitude, to bring in a new age for Water flight and a life of demigods for themselves, as the new god's most cherished children. Irogane, who had assisted the rituals that led up to Cambria's summoning with a seed of doubt in her mind, grew fearful and angry watching how her fellows and her High Council treated their supposed god. Bound her with magic, lied to her, hid her from the world and the world from her, and despite the deep wisdom Cambria seemed to have manifested with, she knew no better than their treatment of her. Cambria was a god in her own right, a sprig broken off of the Nameless One and struck into soil to continue growing on her own, and just like the self she had split from, she sought to give aid to her followers. And there came the day that Irogane could no longer allow it. It took months of preparation, of secrets, of growing her relationship with Cambria from the careful friendliness around a god to something deeper, something trusting, until the fateful night came. And then, they ran. Under the cover of a moonless night so dark it dimmed even Cambria's heavenly glow, they ran. And while Irogane had never planned to befriend her, it certainly helped, having the fondness and trust of something infinitely wise and yet so lost when trying to help her escape. They bolted towards Plague territory, hoping to disappear in the difficult landscape and the humid nights that sometimes blur the sky. Only once allowed to rest did they think of where to next. A god can live among mortals, but not without difficulty, and Cambria hardly had anything to stay amongst mortals for. The route laid out in the end was to take them the long way around the Sea of a Thousand Currents and toward the Shifting Expanse, to seek the Nameless One and with it maybe a return somewhere better (to be someone better) for Cambria. While they had no knowledge of the Nameless One's exact location, Cambria could feel the direction and distance in her heart like a compass. Seems simple, does it not? Travel across three different flight territories before scouring the fourth for a god that may be hiding, and hope it can, what? Reabsorb the person broken off from it? Teach her how to be a god on her own? Give her a way to get away from this unsightly place? No, Irogane didn't know if it would work, how it would work. But trying was the only route she saw ahead of herself. - okay i ran out of Write Well Juice here but this is a Roadtrip To Lesbianism (and learning that the world has so many good things in it) and by the time they find the Nameless One luckily hanging out with the Circus at the time (which is an experience in and of itself, why is a god in a circus??) Cambria doesn't actually wanna be reabsorbed or shown a way off Sornieth anymore

[triplemystery]

blue and you - n.kento

summary; you ask nanami a silly question and he takes it 'seriously'

tags; gender neutral reader, nanami x reader, drabble, not edited

inspo; blue and you - mad honey

word count; 686

“If the entire world turned blue, do you think you would be able to pick me out of the crowd?”

Nanami paused his writing to look at you, and despite your thoughts, he seemed to take your question into consideration. He always did that and you wondered how he managed to keep it up and consider your questions so genuinely when you only ever spewed insanity.

“What do you mean if the world turned blue?” He had abandoned his writing to face you completely, an action that would likely put him behind, though he didn’t seem to care much.

“Say you were like sitting down and all of a sudden the world turned the exact same shade of blue” The answer didn’t make much sense, you hadn’t thought this out much. You suspected Nanami already knew that as you watched his eyes squint slightly in thought.

“So it would be like everything was covered in a blanket of blue?” You watched him drum his fingers along the surface of his desk as you nodded, getting slightly distracted by the quiet melody he was making with the taps of his fingers “So would everything lose all defining features?”

“Well..” You fell silent as you tried to think of the answer that would make it most difficult for him to answer “Not exactly! It would be like if everything started to wear those weird green screen suits that actors wear” You turned your head to meet his piercing gaze, his eyebrows furrowing in disbelief

“How would that even make sense?”

“Well it would be like everyone was wearing a fitted blanket of blue” You watched how his eyebrows pinched together as he squinted at you, though you couldn’t quite tell if it was in confusion or annoyance “Don’t be so judgemental Nanami!”

You watched his features relax for a split second before his lips started to slightly form a smile, like he was trying not to laugh “If you can give me an explanation as to how that works, I’ll consider answering your question”

You look at him in disbelief, not entirely believing that someone so intelligent would be unable to grasp such a simple concept “C’mon! It would be like everyone lost all their colour and just became… blue!” He raised an eyebrow in your direction as he picked his pencil back up “If you for example turned blue, then I wouldn’t be able to distinctly make out your eyes, but I would be easily able to make out your nose and lips and your hair would be all slicked down”

The corners of his lips lifted slightly as if he was about to tell you a joke “So it would be like everything was wearing a VFX suit” Your jaw dropped as you soaked in his look of amusement “That’s exactly what I said!”

“Really? I recall you saying ‘weird green screen suits that actors wear’” He swiftly dodged the pillow that you hurled in his direction “They’re the same thing!!” He smiles slightly before speaking again “I think I would still remember you” You look up at him confused “If the entire world theoretically went blue I would still remember you”

“Remember?” 

“Well it would be easy to forget everything wouldn’t it? Everything would just blend into blueness”

You laughed slightly at his words “Then I think I would remember you too” You fidgeted slightly with your fingers as you looked him in the eyes.

“How so?” He asked, it was funny how much it seemed like a challenge to you.

“Like if there was a line of things and you I would be able to pick you out” You felt high on the moment, giggling for no apparent reason “It would be like blue, blue, blue, then you”

“You think so?” His pencil rolled over the top of his long forgotten work, his gaze fixed wholly on you.

“I know so” You hummed quietly, allowing silence to blanket the room, feet dangling from the edge of your chair as you listened to the quiet ticks of the clock behind you.

note; literally the first time i've posted on this site ever and its a drabble I wrote at 1am... anyway enjoy! sorry if he's a bit out of character i was literally battling sleep as i wrote this :(!

[glitchy-across-aus]

Amnesia

Tyler One Shot, 3,384 words

I really hate puzzles. It's weird, because I'm more of a problem solving girl, but puzzles just piss me off for some reason. I hate TVs too. I don't know what it is about them, but they just bug me. Mario's always watching some stupid thing on the TV, which kinda makes me wanna smash it to pieces with a hammer. Again, it makes no sense to me since I don't mind playing video games with them, even when I keep losing to everyone because I've never played before. It's just the TV in general, I guess. Although I recently learned my biggest trigger is TV static. I don't know why, but I get weird flashbacks everytime I hear it. Even though it was only once since I've been here. I started seeing images and they filled up my head and I didn't know what was going on and then someone reached out and I couldn't see who it was so I swung but it turned out to be Meggy so she blocked me and she asked me if I was okay and then-

And then I got up. And I left. And I came back a few hours later. And they never brought it up. Nor have I heard any TV static since. 

But anyways, Meggy and Smg4 took me to the doctor yesterday, which I don't know why a centaur would wanna be in the medical field, nor did I trust the guy, but at least he was gonna tell me exactly what was wrong with me….until he gave me my doctors note and it was literally a scribble. Like, excuse me sir, what the HELL is this supposed to be? Chicken scratch?? Anyways I gave it to the axolotl looking guy who was working at the pharmacy and somehow HE KNEW WHAT IT SAID?? I swear I'll NEVER understand doctors. Anyways, he gave me this bottle of pills and sent me on my merry way. Guess who STILL doesn't know what's wrong with her? Me :). So I figured I'd Google what the pills were for and guess what? Apparently I have something called “Amnesia” which, according to Google, means “permanent or temporary memory loss.” 

Huh??

add “doctors” and “pharmacists” to the list of things I hate.

I talked to Three recently, and he asked me if I was going to get my own house. I told him I didn't plan too. “Why not?” he asked, stacking cups next to the coffee machine. I shrugged and continued my task-cleaning out the new pastry display. “Smg4 lets me live in his guest room for free. Why would I wanna pay for a house?” He laughed and asked if I wanted to live with him forever. “Well, not forever, obviously. Just until I go home.” I replied, now adding pastries to the display case. “Tyler. About that…” I turned and looked at him, confused. It was the first time I've ever seen him look sad. “Tyler, you don't even know where you're from. How do you plan on getting home if you can't remember how you got here? Might as well get used to living in the Mushroom Kingdom, you know.” I rolled my eyes and ignored him. What would he know? I'm completely fine living in the castle. It's not like Smg4 does much anyways, other than making videos. Which he should make better, by the way. I mean, he lacks creativity, and a story in general. The whole point of making something is to entertain your audience. How is he going to do that if he's so focused on his “it doesn't have to be perfect” bs? I swear, some people don't deserve their fame, or money, or power or reviews or stars. 

5. stars.

What am I saying? I don't know anything about true art. I've never even made anything myself. Maybe those doctors were right.

Damn Amnesia…

(tagging @its-a-me-mango and @psychologistlemon bc I thought you guys being the doctor/pharmacist was funny)

[rosearcanaeum]

(Ten) people I'd like to know better

Tagged by: @screechingfromthevoid <3

Last song: Far From Me by Chase Noseworthy is just on repeat. Sad boy Vax and perfect for my range!

Favorite color: it really depends on context honestly. But the most general is soft pink.

Last book: 😅 I've been struggling through Nein Eyes of Lucien for a while.... more honestly its Call of the Netherdeep and Explorers Guide to Wildemount. I truely read far more fanfic than anything else.

Last movie: I watched Night at the Museum for the first time this week. It was waaaaaay better than I ever imagined. I knew it was good and funny. It was also incredibly sincere and I can't get enough of that.

Last show: speaking of sincere, I'm about halfway through Frieren: beyond journey's end. And holy shit! I have never seen any media with a character who views and interacts with death the way i do. Its pretty heavy as shows go but its trustworthy. (I have a hard time with new stuff most of the time. Cr is one exception and this is too apparently)

Sweet/spicy/savory: no joke I've eaten salt before lol. But i prefer combos or all 3. Sweet spicy is underrated.

Relationship status: I live with my queer platonic partner. Its still just buckwild to me. As a kid i hated the idea of living with a partner cuz i didnt want so many aspects of what i was told that looked like. But hey guess what, y'all can decide what your relationships look like. We have separate rooms, are not sexually involved, rarely even touch tbh. And we love each other very much and want to grow old together in a house with cats.

They're touch averse and I'm sensory seeking. My fun Sunday night (out dancing) is their nightmare. But because we are who we are and how we understand and communicate in our relationship we rely on each other for only things that are available. I'll tell them all the dumb shit i see and do on Grindr and we'll sit on the couch and knit together.

Also my brain nearly explodes everytime I realize not only do we do couple stuff, we have couple friends we do couple stuff with. 18 year old me would have never believed you if you told them.

Last thing I looked up: I looked up the caffeine content of the thai tea concentrate I got my partner to see if i could try it. And shockingly i should be able to. Still gonna eat first and be careful though.

Current obsession: I'm pretty spread out rn, unusually. Ive got a sweater im excited about. And I'm on my 3rd attempt at a dorym water bottle sleeve I'm designing. This one should work now. Honestly dorym is probably no. 1 on my list. I shipped that back in exu, along with a bunch of stuff cuz I'm a delightful multishipper. So i feel particularly excited about dorym finally taking off. But also that while dorian was always looking to orym if anything else had come along he was there for the ride. I love robbie so so much. He is such a good character storyteller!

Looking forward to: today im hanging with 2 friends im usually in a larger group with so thats gonna be fun. Looking forward to baking off the beef wellingtons i made for my partner for xmas. And im looking forward to being able to work full time again in the new year. Ive been on part time for health reasons and stayed because i was spending hours on the phone fighting for insurance coverage. Now that both a done i can work more. I love my job and its a particular kind of boredom that i get when i cant work. Lol speaking of, im looking forward to the holidays being over. The office closures normally screw us but now im only working thurs fri for the next 2 weeks and I'll have try really hard to keep busy enough. At least my partner has 2 of the days off with me!

No pressure tags; not sure I can get to 10 and please dont feel obligated but I'd love to see yours (if you havent already. Ive been avoiding spoilers a lot recently so may not have seen it): @vigilante-apologist @standbyyourmantis @soedblackchaos @forestthechonkykitty @corrrvid @local-redhead-bookworm and luddles looks like you did already do this.

Thats all i got. If you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged!

[theygender]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

1. 59,103 notes - Feb 18 2024

Having a vagina honestly sucks bc it's like you have to do fucking alchemy just to prevent yourself from getting sick. You've got an intricate ecosystem of microorganisms down there that you're dependent on for your own well-being and they can be set off by the tiniest fucking thing

Keeping your pubes too short can cause yeast infections, but letting them get too long can also cause yeast infections. Washing the area with specialized soap can help prevent yeast infections, but it can also cause them. Your periods can cause yeast infections, and so can the medicine you take to stop your periods. Having sex can cause yeast infections, especially if the person you're having sex with is diabetic (???). Being diabetic can cause yeast infections. Wearing the wrong clothes or eating the wrong things can cause yeast infections. Not getting enough fucking sleep can cause yeast infections. The list is neverending

Luckily, yeast infections are fairly easy to treat with OTC medicine that you can find at any Walmart. BUT! Even if all of your symptoms indicate that you have a yeast infection, you have to take a test first to confirm that it's a yeast infection (they do not sell the tests at Walmart) bc you might actually have the opposite of a yeast infection (bacterial vaginosis) which has the exact same symptoms as a yeast infection but is caused by an imbalance of different microorganisms. And if you use yeast infection medicine to treat a bacterial infection it will light your pussy on fire. So if you have a bacterial infection, you must instead visit your local witch doctor (gynecologist) and get prescribed special potions (antibiotics) to treat it

Antibiotics can also cause yeast infections

2. 46,742 notes - Nov 4 2024

You know I'm gonna be honest. I don't think all these apps really need access to my precise location

3. 4,152 notes - Oct 12 2024

Griddlehark isn't enemies to lovers. It's "crabs fighting to keep each other in a bucket" to "crabs sacrificing themselves to help each other out of the bucket"

4. 3,914 notes - Oct 16 2024

5. 865 notes - Sep 13 2024

Here's a video of my new black kitten to celebrate Friday the 13th

6. 387 notes - Dec 4 2024

The reason your brain feels shitty when you don't shower is bc the human body remembers its humble origins as a protovertebrate aquatic worm that breathed through its skin so when your pores get clogged the worm part of your brain thinks you're suffocating and gets scared. Going into the wet regularly helps keep your worm brain calm and happy bc it keeps your skin clean and also simulates the worm's natural environment of the old mid-cambrian ocean. Take care of your worm brain. It's hard being the evolutionary remnant of a creature so tiny it can't understand lungs trapped inside the body of a large complex mammal

7. 265 notes - Oct 22 2024

So apparently the symptoms for chronic fatigue include loss of memory, reduced concentration, and fainting/lightheadedness when sitting/standing up?? Why didn't anyone tell me about this 😭

8. 196 notes - Apr 16 2024

Imagine how cursed it would be if tumblr had a memories feature like facebook. If I had to log on and see like "8 years ago today you posted [vent about how much you wanted to kill yourself]" or "10 years ago today you posted [0 note flop that you tagged #funny #meme]" I would just delete my blog

9. 156 notes - Jun 5 2024

Had a dream last night that the mushrooms in Mario games were realistic and you had to identify their species to find out if they were poisonous before you could eat them

10. 148 notes - Apr 10 2024

Harmonizing is gay as hell tbh. What are you singing alto for? Bc you want to be under another woman? Bc you want to support her and uplift her so she can achieve things that she never could have achieved alone, regardless of whether you get anything in return? Bc you want to entwine your body voice with hers until no one can tell where you end and she begins? I need to lie down

Created by TumblrTop10

[idleglowingpixels]

talk about Collector

WHYYYYYYYYYY okay now that I got that off my chest let's get serious LMAO

Before I dive in too deep, to any other ppl reading, THIS IS YOUR FAIR WARNING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANY CRITICISM OF TOH. Something that is really apparent in this fandom particularly is that a lot of ppl refuse to allow and accept genuine criticism discussions, dumbing it down to personal biases, misinterpretations of the text (or in this case, the show), and proclaiming "It's intentional that the show did that!" every time someone breathes something negative about it. This is ESPECIALLY annoying with the "Blame Disney/the shortening" nonsense -- a key skill in television writing is to be capable of working with the allotted time that the studios give you. After they were told Season 3 got cut short, they still had 11 22-minute episodes of Season 2 and all three 40+ minute episodes of Season 3 to conclude the story in a satisfying way.

Seeking and reading criticism posts outside of the general tags, ignoring warnings on posts that give forewarnings, then getting mad and upset that someone criticized your comfort show is generally an unhealthy behavior, especially if you're not in a good mental state. If you can't take people criticizing something you enjoy, and more-so if you deem it your comfort media, and feel the need to bother them because you made yourself upset reading their posts, you've got a lot of soul searching to do. That, or maybe you should log off until you can handle it.

Also, obviously, spoilers ahead for TOH, as well as Amphibia because these shows parallel a lot more than I want them to. :')

---

I have a LOT to say about The Owl House from a critical and writing perspective, and I feel like the show is EXTREMELY overhyped for what it actually is. I feel its sister show Amphibia executed much of the same/similar themes better, and that's not even a bias thing. Just from the way both shows are written, you can tell which one feels more competently structured from a narrative standpoint (and, let's be honest, which one is actually funny).

Okay enough about general opinion, let's get to Collector. From a character design perspective, GOD I love this little guy, both the reflection/shadow form and the actual form are distinct from the rest of the cast. I'm a big Sun and Moon design/symbolism enjoyer (Sun and Moon from FNAF, Sun and Blake from RWBY, Celestia and Luna from MLP:FiM, etc.) so these types of characters are always welcome. And while their voice annoys me personally it ABSOLUTELY fits them, so no matter how annoying I find it I don't think I'd want them to have any other voice.

But that, unfortunately, is the only props I can give to Collector.

The show is FULL of redeemed antagonists that range from okay (I'd like to think Amity was decent enough and Hunter was alright but definitely should have been introduced earlier so his redemption was a slow burn but this post isn't about them so I'll end this note here) to "what the actual fuck" (Idc what anyone says, there is no excuses PERIOD, Lilith's redemption was the absolute worst redemption arc I think I've ever seen AND I'VE SEEN CATRA'S), and Collector is very much on the lower end of that scale. We hardly see them overall and their character writing is rushed beyond belief -- and again, I'd like to reiterate that that is ENTIRELY on the writing team for the show. Disney and the shortening DID NOT DECIDE TO KEEP COLLECTOR IN. The writing staff were aware of the time they had left and made the decision to shoehorn them in and expect everyone to just be okay with it.

From a writing perspective, they bloat the story exponentially and 100% should have been left in the drafts or saved for future content like what Dana said she might do if she is able to through books and such. If we only get hints of the other Collectors, this one should have STAYED hints with them.

We have essentially no significant amount of time with them outside of Hollow Mind and the season 2 finale before season 3, and what we DO have of them in season 2B is so drastically different I'd consider 2B Collector and 3 Collector as two different characters entirely. And before you tell me, "They're different because sun/moon symbolism!" "They're different because Belos and King influence them differently!" etc. etc., don't waste your time. Yes, those are good explanations as to why they feel so different between seasons, but that does not make the writing of the character inherently good. Allow me to elaborate:

In S2B, of what little we see of Collector, they are extremely sadistic in nature, and while they appear childish the writing of that lack of care for others is ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. And it seemed that way even as Belos first encountered him as Philip in the flashback episode. There, they weren't yet "influenced" by Belos and his plans; hell, he hardly had an actual plan yet.

Skip ahead to Hollow Mind, easily the best episode of Season 2 imo, and Collector is taunting Belos, mocking him and his schemes. Saying things like "Ooh, you were mad!" and "I'm starting to think you make those [grimwalkers] just to destroy them. You have fun with it, admit it!"

I cannot find any reasonable explanation as to how or why Belos would influence Collector into doing such things. Why would he want a little pain in the ass making fun of him for hundreds of years? And by his response to Collector's taunt about the grimwalkers and Hunter, "Of course I don't, Collector. It hurts every time he chooses to betray me," he took offense to their words, but kept his tone from shifting to anger as he does with everyone else because of Collector's power.

Belos doesn't want Collector thinking he doesn't like them because of their abilities, but he does want to stay on their good side for information. For knowledge of spells. And he puts up with Collector's annoyances because of that.

Essentially, that wasn't something Belos taught them or influenced them to do. All Collector knows is to adapt to their friends' behaviors, yes, but Belos is like, over 400 years old. I don't know about you, but I doubt with the way he speaks and how he's written that he would taunt his underlings in the same childish vain as Collector, and do so enough for Collector to pick up and mimic that behavior.

Now to the finale, their appearance is pretty much just them getting duped by Belos and sent into the depths of the titan skull, where King ever-so-conveniently finds them, making the pinky swear that releases them.

They maintain that mocking attitude even after Belos betrays them, calling King "boring" for calling them Mr. Collector and feeling generally disinterested by King before he promises a game to play. And even after they're released, they continue the attitude further with the whole "I remember someone throwing me off a bridge...I'm not angry, though!" bit, only to send Belos to his "death" moments after, deeming it as a game of tag. They've seen Belos kill grimwalkers first hand, fully aware that their lives mean nothing, and replicated the behavior by returning the favor to Belos (or so they thought). Their lack of care continues when they nearly try to do the same thing to the Hexsquad, people who didn't even do anything to them, before King stops them, changing the subject before they can cause further harm.

After stopping the draining spell, Collector continues the destructive maliciousness they have all the way to the end of the episode, and that's the impression of them we're left with. They were sadistic, uncaring and childish, but only learned the behavior of killing from Belos -- even though Belos didn't actually die, the intent was to kill him, and they were fully planning to continue with the Hexsquad.

And then...We get to Season 3.

Just a side-note, I think it's a safe assumption to say the first 2 seasons of The Owl House took place between roughly 2 months, as Luz was outside waiting to leave for a summer camp after the school year ended before initially arriving in the demon realm. Going off of that assumption, in Part 1 Luz returned to school as she returned to the human realm, presumably in late August/early September due to her living in Connecticut. And since Part 1 takes place in the timespan of about 3-7 days, the last day being Halloween, the timeskip only brought us about 2 more months ahead. Keep this in mind.

After Luz and co. return to the demon realm in Part 2 -- objectively the worst episode of the season -- we already see King's influence on Collector since they turned everyone into puppets instead of actively injuring or killing them when they don't comply. Still bad? Yes. But from how it looks in Part 3 with the Hexsquad, it seems more like the puppets' consciences are just comatose or an alternative to sleeping, maybe in a REM-like state. But of course, the show didn't have enough time to explain that further over all the nonsense in Part 2.

Anyway, when we see Collector in Part 2, they're still being childish, which is unfortunately the only thing that stays consistent with this character. They then say two lines that were the most god-awful writing decisions I've seen in a hot minute, and this show is STOCK FULL of really bad "this is peak humor LAUGH" moments like this.

They say that Eda has this "cool aunt vibe" and such, which sounds like one of those "character dynamics/tropes" posts on social media like Tumblr and whatnot. It comes off as really pretentious in the writing, and was shockingly unfunny to hear for a show that calls itself a comedy. Another line that frustrates me, more-so for lore reasons, is when they ask Odalia to make pizza bagels, when it was previously stated that human food is inaccessible to Luz during her time in the demon realm. So not only is it contradicting that whole thing (Eda actively struggled to find food for Luz that she could eat), how would they or King even know what one is or how to actually make one??

It seems like a small point to get heated over, but it once again feels like one of those stupid one-liners that one of the writers thought was the funniest shit they've ever thought up and kept it in because they knew die-hard fans would just laugh it off and brush it off as a joke, and that the writers forgetting about Eda's maternal struggle to feed her adopted kid is Disney's/the shortening's fault because they're at fault for everything wrong with the show...and not the ppl who wrote it.

Regardless, this whole shtick is extremely out-of-character for the way they had spoken in Season 2, and from what I can recall (I'm not gonna rewatch the entire show for the sake of a single post), King never talks like this. Luz does around him, but he himself doesn't talk like this.

I've discussed with friends before about this, including Robin (the one who asked me to talk about this), but from Part 2 onward Collector gets the same Luz-like writing every character that gets redeemed suddenly dawns out of the blue. I started calling it luz-ification, but it doesn't just happen to Collector.

It happened to Hunter, where his more cocky and ego-centric dialogues from early 2A was dropped for a more "comedic" personality and an anxiety-ridden character, though it's later eluded to that his cocky attitude was him masking his true self, so I try to keep it to that perspective.

But this happened to Lilith as well, where she suddenly started acting like "Cool Aunt Lilith" IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING HER ADMITTING TO CURSING EDA AND ALLOWING HER CAPTURE. WITH NO CONSEQUENCES TO BE FACED OTHER THAN THE CURSE SPLIT WHICH IS HARDLY UTILIZED IN THE SHOW.

(Side-tangent: Characters facing little to no consequences for their actions is something that goes on so much in this show but this is long enough already and I really don't like talking about this shit for long 'cause I could be using my time on better pieces of media, I'm sure there's plenty of posts explaining this point elsewhere by ppl who enjoyed TOH more than me)

Hell, it even happened to Amity for a hot minute. For some moments in the show she's written really off-character and saying things that just completely contradict how she's typically written, but then goes back to the more sassy and balanced character later on.

This post has gotten WAY longer than I wanted it to be, but to keep me from spending even more time on this, Part 2 shows a drastically different Collector, to the point that they do not by any means have the same character writing as they had before. They got luz-ified. Using social media lingo they couldn't even have access to in canon, and being written to quite literally just sound like a mini-me of Luz with the more obnoxious undertones of the childish thing.

Point is, they mimic these behaviors of Luz that they wouldn't even have reasonable access to learning from, because she's in the human realm for almost all the time after their release. It only makes sense in Part 3, when Luz is actually there for them to see her behaviors in action, but even that is so contrived and rushed that it feels unrealistic and narratively unnecessary. Remember what I said before about the timeskip only being 2 months? Yeah, 2 months isn't nearly enough time for a character to fundamentally change who they are as drastically as Collector.

Now to the part where I talk about Amphibia really quick and mention how it did the whole "having an alternative threat acting as a mini-boss" thing a million times better than this shit ever could. King Andrias, paralleling Collector for this particular scenario, is shown relatively early on that he's an antagonist to the audience. It's later revealed as a plot twist not to the audience, but to the characters, who least expected it. They don't waste time trying to throw off the audience with red herrings or telling its audience "He's not a bad guy, he's totally not going to be evil later on." They just show the audience he's evil and keep the story moving.

He's given enough time to feel like this ominous, looming threat, and True Colors masterfully showed how messed up this guy is and the lengths he is willing to go to ascend to the Core and cheat death, just as the souls within the Core had. His motive to avoid death and return Amphibia to the world-conquering ideologies from centuries' past is what made him such a love-to-hate villain. And the motive to cheat death in a children's cartoon? Metal as hell. The Core also parallels Belos here, and further on in Season 3, being the one manipulating Andrias through his fear of death in order to make him do what they want him to.

In the third season, Andrias continues his work by the Core's demands, only giving up in the final battle when he's read a letter from someone he had considered a friend long ago, which admittedly didn't have much set-up but it was at least the focus of an entire episode prior to the big pre-finale.

At the end of the series, he's shown to have moved on, allowing himself to age naturally and to stop using technology to keep him in pristine condition for eternity. He accepted the natural cycle of life, and in turn accepted that he will come to pass one day. He wasn't a perfectly written character, but considering what it's being compared to? Leagues better.

Like I said before, TL;DR, Collector is the bloatware of The Owl House's plot. They were shoved in as a last minute addition because they were the writers' "precious bean silly goose little gremlin blorbo" that they couldn't just keep in the drafts with the rest of the collectors. So instead of maintaining what little integrity the show's writing had to begin with and follow through to the end with the Day of Unity plotline being the series finale (Which was VERY OBVIOUSLY WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR), they essentially made a side quest distraction that dragged the story on for longer than it needed to, wasting the audience's time.

I'm not mad that the Collector exists, I just find that their inclusion in the series did more harm than good for the writing. The show has a serious issue with giving screentime to unnecessary characters like the miscellaneous Hexside students, giving characters too much screentime (The biggest offender for this is Amity, there's more episodes centered around her than Hunter, Willow and Gus combined) and not giving ACTUALLY necessary characters enough screentime (Looking at you, Emerald Trio).

I really want to rewrite TOH, and if I feel the need to rewrite a show, it's usually because there's too much fundamentally wrong with it for me to give it anything higher than a 6/10 overall. But I've already got a whole AU and a whole rewrite in the works for two other series I care wayyyyy more about, so that's gonna have to be left to other writers in this fandom.

---

If this post is how you've stumbled upon my page, hi :') Feel free to ask me about more or to elaborate on smth I said here if you want clarification, but if you check out my intro post and see another mutual interest we have maybe ask me about that instead of TOH please and thank you

[diamondcitydarlin]

I'm not gonna tag this because shadows fandom loves to be contrarian and base their metas directly on people who didn't like things while calling them stupid and shallow and whatever (because apparently I can't not like the way a thing was written without directly insulting someone else who did?? Or being stupid? make it make sense) but I honestly am all for Guillermo being and staying a human. I've been all for it since day one, honestly. To me, everything about his story from the first episode, first season suggests that this is the kind of idealized dream he's going to wake up from eventually and realize it's not everything he wanted. I've always been 100% on board with that, especially with the reveal that he was a vampire hunter which came with its own set of powers. In fact, I was working on a fic a couple years ago that I intend to return to that is ALL about Guillermo finally eschewing his dreams of vampirism for a purpose that better fulfills him etc.

So no, my problem with this last episode is not that 'Guillermo needs to stay a vampire or it's bad writing phwah', my problem is with the swiftness that all of this happens, coupled with the fact that Guillermo is between a rock and a hard place and more or less just being guided into place by what everyone else in the situation thinks is best for him. Despite the fact that he literally DRINKS BLOOD FROM A CUP to fully come into his vampire powers naught but a few scenes before, the fact that he cannot bring himself to drain a human directly from the tap until dead (which I still don't think makes a lot of sense on it's own but fine) is treated as this insurmountable problem they can't possibly get over so, obviously, he needs to be reverted via Derek's death (a character who also doesn't deserve that). Can't just let him drink blood from cups or bottles for a while. Can't just let him half drain someone but not to the point of death. Maybe at least to give him some time to decide??? Maybe give him better reasons (of which there are many) to decide to revert? He has been idolizing this for most of his life, after all, I just think it's a shame that we're meant to accept that ONE moment of revulsion towards killing someone (KILLING SOMEONE OF ALL THINGS) is enough to make him just nope out completely. That's a disservice to him and what he's capable of, if you ask me.

See, I of course enjoyed the deliciousness of the whole cheating/sex parallel to Guillermo being bitten by someone else, loved that, I'm just not sure how I feel about that storyline ending with Nandor being like 'im gonna forgive you for this but only because you're too much of a stupid little baby to know what you want, but I know what you want better than you do, now lemme kill the guy you cheated on me with real quick ok' LIKE. I KNOW that they are toxic I KNOW they are unhealthy, but Guillermo is a character that has constantly been struggling with his own agency, often seizing it on his own by very aggressive means, often being shown as smarter and more capable than most of the household, and for this storyline to just end with Nandor 'fixing' it all because Guillermo's just too dumb to know what's best for him...IDK YALL. DIDN'T LIKE IT. I can see how people would find it romantic and I do think it's meant to be but...nope. I don't find that romantic lmao I find that insulting and patronizing. Maybe that's the point? But it wasn't funny either. Or interesting, really. (The Freddie stuff was fucked up but at least it was funny to some degree lol)

I guess my point is that I wish there had been more time spent on this. We can't keep excusing these cop-out, rushed and dropped storylines on 'well it's a goofy show' because yes, it's ALWAYS been a goofy show I get it, but there's no denying that seasons 1-3 did a better job of holding on to arcs and creating consequences for the characters as a result of these arcs and their actions, such as the Vampire Council tricking them into custody after a season of Guillermo killing a bunch of vampires etc. There's precedent in this GOOFY GOOFY show to think that there will be follow through and consequences of characters actions etc, so no, it doesn't come from nowhere and it's not people just seeing what they want to or whatever.

I do kind of think this was rushed because the next season will most likely be the last, but even if that is true, I don't see why we couldn't have dedicated more time to it in this next season. It's deflating, it's boring, it sucks that one of the main narrative questions of the show 'Will Guillermo transform or not?' has been answered with what I find to be more or less a wet fart that doesn't even really make sense or fully take into account who the characters are and what they're capable of.

Yes, it's a goofy show that is usually just episodic moments of whatever crazy shenanigans the vampires will get into today, but it used to be elevated and tied together by story arcs and narrative consequences that would, eventually, sooner or later, show up for the characters to deal with. It used to be arcs that spanned episodes of Guillermo coming into his power and feeling conflicted about his dreams versus his destiny. It used to be the Vampire Council or the Baron being a certain kind of existential threat. It used to give us the idea that while funny stuff was happening, buckle up, because it's going to get REAL in the last few episodes.

But now that's uh...more or less just not a thing anymore. Everything is dealt with in a 25 min runtime and there are no consequences for anything that last or mean anything. To me, that sucks, and not in a cool vampire way lmao.

[nightshift-clocking-in]

10 books

Thank you to @wanderingdonut for the tag, I love any excuse to talk about books. 🖤(These are in no particular order)

PET by Akwaeke Emezi

I read this book in summer of 2021 and I think about it all the time. Something in this book rewired my brain, I cried so much that I left stains on the pages. It poses the question if there was a utopia, a perfect society, would there still be monsters? Honestly its fantastic, but please check the trigger warning because it discusses a lot of hard topics.

What if its us by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

Words cannot describe how funny this book is to me. Chaotic and completely ridiculous, but this book made me fall in love with audio books, I listen to it once a year and still laugh out loud.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyers

This is the book and author that made me fall in love with stories. Its why I love retellings and fanfics (Marissa Meyer was a fanfic author before she was published hehe). If you knew me around the age of 15-16 there is a good chance that I read at least the first book out loud to you. But this story is what inspired me to start writing when I was younger and for that reason, it will always hold a special place in you heart.

One last stop by Casey Mcquiston

A lot of people apparently don't like this book, I don't care I do. I love this book, the mystery, the side characters, the trauma? Amazing. There is so much going on, and I say that as a good thing, so many little things to keep you on your toes to try and figure it out before the end. Honestly it's amazing, and made me feel seen in a way I never had in books before. Also a light sprinkling of smut and mommy issues.

Gender Queer by Maia Kebabe

I'm a firm believer that you should read banned books. So I read this only for it to give me a gender crisis (I know the irony) and I realized so many things I assumed were universal experiences where in fact not. Honestly, it's super funny to think about now but I did have a breakdown while read this on my friends broken couch while they played sims. Truly iconic.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

This book breaths summer to me, a very important person in my life read it to me while on camping trips over an entire summer. It has everything you could want in a book; adventure, sword fighting, pirates, death and true love. If you have not at least watched the movie, you should.

The Guardians of Childhood Series by William Joyce

It's been years since I read this, but the world building, imagery and the lessons at the heart of the stories where beautiful. I read this to the kids in my life when they were younger, and its just a beautiful story full of whimsy and hope.

So this is Ever After by F.T Lukens

This book poses the question of what happened after your question end, you beat the evil king but how do you repair a kingdom that's been cursed for 100 years? Honestly the first page of this made me laugh so hard I had to put it down, its just fantastic.

Heartless by Marissa Meyers

I know I already listed a book by this author but I'm sorry I just love it so much. Alice in wonderland is my favorite classic story of all time, so retelling are hit or miss with me, and this is perfect. I love how its a prequel, to the world and you meet the character in much different circumstances. The Queen before she was a queen, the hatter before he when mad, and new characters too. It fills me with childlike wonder. I have a complete annotated and dissected copy of this book going into all the details of the world. I read it at least once a year. And this is what got me back into writing as an adult, which seems silly to say out loud but it's true.

Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Just chaotic all the time. I have not read all of this authors works, but from the ones I have they are hilarious. While this is a silly little romcom with some of the funniest details (Like a dung beetle ball) it also goes over a lot of harder topics; complicated relationships with parents, guilt, OCD, ignoring your own need so you can "be better", ect. Sometimes you just have to stop caring about what others think, and realize that its okay to be a mess, because everyone is a mess all the time.

No pressure tags:@crying-lightningx , @jegulusofwesper, @underburningstars,

[kindlyfunkn]

in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

[olives-life]

King of The Apocalypse Review #1

(Chapters 1-242) (inclusive)

So side note, but I refuse to type out the other four names of this everytime I post about it so setting the standard now.

This is honestly more of a rant than a review and I think it’s pretty funny so if you stumble upon this and don’t know anything about King of the Apocalypse maybe you’ll want to read it for me ranting

I was totally meaning to do a review when I hit ch 100, but I was having a shitty day and didn’t want to so here we are (don’t ask how I dragged it out this long because idk)

This is NOT spoiler free

ONTO THE REVIEW:

I have so many things to say and so many questions, a lot of this is less reviewey and more ‘I didn’t want to spam my blog and have to link all the links in the king of apocalypse list page because I dont know how to do the tagging system’.    Also I’m writing this based on notes I took in a doc while I was reading.

-Ok so first off our mc?’s name is Qin Yu and his sister, Xiao Yu, who seems more and more like the mc as I keep reading, are stuck in the apocalypse (wow so surprising).  I’m not giving all the details because this is not a summary 💀.  -So Qin Yu was a level 2A gunslinger before he died in his original timeline.  This is super confusing because evolves go through different levels, which are numbered.  And circa chapter 150 (honestly I don’t remember the ch just guessing rn) he becomes a level 2 evolver.  So is he already around his previous strength or is the 2A gunslinger a different system??? Minor questions that the author prob didn’t put much thought into considering it was only mentioned once.  It also could have been a translation mishap, like some things don’t translate so the translators change the words so it makes sense.

-It’s chapter 2 why am i literally like an inch of skirt away from seeing Xiao Yu’s ass??? 😭😭😭. WAS THIS NECESSARY

-So why does Xiao Yu think it’s normal and ok to walk in on her brother naked in the shower to put things in the bathroom and then proceed to offer to wash his back?? SIS HE. IS. NAKED.  AND YOUR BROTHER.  And Qin Yu is obviously puzzled as why she thinks this is ok but HE AGREES.  QIN YU WHAT. 😟🤯🤯🤯🤯. Even if they aren’t related by blood this is weird.

-

Mickey Mouse this you? 💀🗿 (I just thought this was funny)

-Apparently the evolution materials taste like gummies which is nice to know I guess?? Thanks Xiao Yu.

-Qin Yu had to eat like one evolution material to evolve, but Xiao Yu had to eat ten, at least 2 of which were high quality.  So who is really the mc here?

- Why does Xiao Yu not question why Qin Yu knows everything in such detail, she questions it once and he basically says “well... I had a dream”. BITCH YOU DREAMED THE IN DEPTH DETAILS OF THE APOCALYPSE ??  It’s literally apocalypse day one, maybe keep your information to yourself.  It’s suspicious that you know this much, you’re lucky your sister is either stupid or has too much trust in you. Otherwise your ass would’ve been killed. Like idk about you but if its the apocalypse and the guy next to me repeatedly says things like “don’t touch the rain you’ll turn into a zombie”, “eat this it will help you evolve”, “how do you feel”, and gives me a person’s past, I would be suspicious, like prove you’re not a zombie or something else thats going to kill me or we’re gonna have to fight this out.

- In ch 29 he has a shield??? He never got some random shield artifact so I’m guessing he did that with his fire, but I'm still confused

-I CAN’T WITH THE RANDOM SIDE CHARACTER HAIRCUTS

exs:

THESE TWO NEED TO PLUCK THEIR MOLE HAIRS LIKE BABE NO 🤢🤢🤢

the ONE hair

THE SHAPE OF THIS GUYS HEAD????

-ok moving on, but there is a lot more I didn't screenshot

-I love manhua so much, I love finding things that make no logical sense, I find it extremely funny;

   for example this shelf in chapter 34: 

Shelf is upside-down

mc throws shelf

all the products are still in the shelf??

yes that just makes so much sense.  and the png shelf 💀💀😭🤌. absolute perfection

-LITTLE BLACK DOING THE OWO FINGERS IN CHAPTER 32 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 

he really said Master... I... I cannot fight him😖 👉👈

top 10 reasons little black is in my top 10 characters list

-THESE FITS IN CHAPTER 83 

where can I purchase... drop the link 🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲

-I am very much triggered by the fact that Lee Wei’s facial hair is a different color and texture from the rest of his hair.  It can’t even be explained away by his hair being dyed, it’s the apocalypse, he has no hair dye.

- 

Why are the right two so tall compared to the rest???? I was laughing when I noticed

-On a more positive note than most of this review / rant (more of a rant than a review really).  The author explained dimensional travel really well... ok this is awkward but I can’t find it in the chapter I noted it was in so... I’ll do my best to explain it

Qin Yu called the earth a specific point on a specific page, and parallel galaxies are that same point on a different page.  He told Xiao Yu they had to make a hole through the pages to get back to their page.

Idk I understood this really well so if anyone happens upon this and it helps them, yay I did a good thing; ig 🤷‍♀️ 

-The translation is really shitty rn cuz it’s machine translated (around ch 230); I miss the nonames😭😭😭😭

-Qin Yu casually killed 600 people in around ch 175

-Since Xiao Yu got sister snached by that random alien thing does this mean she is not the mc???

- ok so we know Xiao Yu has a special bloodline and stuff so maybe she wasn’t really immune to the blood rain (the stuff that turned people into zombies originally) in the beginning and it altered her blood?? (credit to a random person on the site I was using to read for bringing up a similar idea)

-Top 10 characters 

1. DI SHAOFENG (HES SUCH A HIIMBO ; LOML)

2. Lin Feng (Love a man with dedication 😩)

3. Dao Yi (the daoist ; low-key stupid ; love him)

4. Gao Xiao (the spirit guy from the war gods)

5. Mo Bing (the blue haired mayor of falling snow city in the falling snow dimension (ch 195ish) with the ice powers)

6. Little Black

7. Yang Xinling (the grass guy from the war gods)

8. Wang Xuan (from when the mc went into the ruins where he got Olek) (he's from guy wang city and ch 181) (he literially had 2 appearances but he was dumb and charismatic and I love him)

9. the MC (eh he's ok ig ; i’d be sad if he died tho so he's on the list)

(only top 9 because idc about anyone else rn)

-Review w numbers 

(I'll prob think of a better name for this at some point)

Art: I only read things I think have a good artsyle so 9/10

Funniness: 10/10

Plot and Attention to Small Details: 3/10

Cast: 8/10 (I like some characters, but no one stays in the cast except Qin Yu and Xiao Yu)

Objective Rating Without My Biased Love For the Genre and Shitty Comics: 2.5/10 

review for chapters 243-486

[triflesandparsnips]

Update 2: Cursed once again with A TERRIBLE DISCOVERY.

When last we checked in, the grated Venetian Nabulsi soap needed to dry in the sun for ten days and the Oil of Lavender needed to soak in the shade for twelve. So obviously, ahahahaha, fourteen days later, I returned to the adventure. LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR VARIOUS BUDDIES.

The Oil of Lavender

So I actually have rather a lot to say about this whole Oil of Lavender experiment, and also maybe the nature of amateur research in general, and since

it turns out that the Oil was definitely not ready yet;

its use can actually be put off a bit for reasons that will become soon apparent; and

this reblog thread is already too fucking long--

I will be moving this whole discussion to a new post.

Figure 1. Also I want to talk about the book I found the recipe in because it's great, look at this, here's a recipe "For the Frenzie" that requires beet juice squirted up your nose, how fuckin fantastic is that.

So, uh, if you were waiting on that update, maybe... maybe keep track of my #funky little alchemist with funky little interests tag, where I will discuss my Terrible Decisions about Oil of Lavender at a later time.

Anyway, this brings us to--

The scraped soap

Look at this beautiful pile.

Figure 2. God's own pencil shavings.

After drying, lightly covered, in the sun for fourteen days, the scraped soap is indeed pretty dry, even though I definitely forgot to stir 'em up. The smell is light and, I would say, kind of... milky? It's definitely soap, but it was like it was subtly spelling out the word "~gentle~" in my brain every time I gave it a sniff.

Time to Make Up a Recipe

As I may have mentioned before, there are a lot of recipes for wash-balls (............still funny), and their ingredients range from "regular spice cabinet stuff" to "what the fuck is 'Benjamin'".

But! Because I'm still at the "let's fuck around and find out" stage of experimentation, and do not want to spend Lots of Money on something I will subsequently Fuck Up Tremendously, I went through a three-step process to determine my version 1.0 recipe.

Step 1. What do I already have in supply?

I went through the recipes I'd collected so far for this project (about twelve -- not a lot, to be honest, but good enough for now) and made a list of: the ingredients I had around already; what books mentioned them; and if I was very lucky, the amounts of each ingredient those recipes listed.

Figure 3. C'mon, William Salmon, what am I supposed to do with "some" Rose-water, how long is "a while," why are you like this.

Step 2. Take away the outliers.

From that I subtracted the ingredients that only showed up in one recipe, on the grounds that maybe they were oddballs or actually specific to a particular effect the maker was trying to achieve. So farewell, marjoram and rose-flowers, we hardly knew ye.

I also got rid of at least one ingredient because-- well, it showed up in more than one recipe, and it's something I had around, but... it seemed kinda random. Surely cornstarch ("Starch-corn") couldn't be that important.

...Reader, put a pin in that.

Step 3. Normalize (or straight up guess) at amounts.

Because I went with ingredients that appear in multiple recipes, I ended up with a lot of different possible amounts for each ingredient. But using the goal of lavender soap as my guide, I ended up with the following:

Version 1.0 7 oz. dried soap 1 oz. whole cloves, ground fresh 1 handful dried French lavender flowers, ground fresh rosewater, q.s.

Oh! Hey, shit, welcome to some cool apothecary info: If you see "q.s." in a recipe, it means "as much as is sufficient." Thank you, Moyse Charas, you fuckin hero, for reaching 345 years into the future to hand me half a clue. I love you.

Time to Guess at a Process

Want another apothecary fact? If you see "s.a." or "ex Arte" in a recipe, it means "According to Art."

Or. Hear me out. It sometimes. Sometimes. Means "now do the thing that you were definitely taught by an expert irl because you definitely won't be given any hints here. Nerd."

...I am willing to accept that maybe this is also just an "oh, everyone knows how to fold in the cheese" kind of thing when a "s.a." shows up. But only because I can't definitively prove that sometimes these writers were just assholes.

All this to say: you are about to see me get. Very, very wrecked.

Figure 4. Cloves and lavender in the mortar.

Figures 5 and 6. Grindy grindy. As a note, cloves require crunching with the pestle before you can really get a good grind on.

Figures 7 and 8. Dampen the dried soap with rosewater... oh god. That... that might be too much rosewater.

Hannah Woolley (1670) was the only writer to mention using your hands at any point while making these balls, but, uh, surely she wouldn't lead me astray. Surely.

Figure 9. Maybe adding the powdered lavender and cloves will help soak up the excess!

Figure 10. JESUS CHRIST MY HAND HAS BEEN EATEN BY A GREEN THING.

Hannah Woolley, come outside, I just wanna talk.

Leaving aside my new life as a swamp gremlin, it should be noted that this and subsequent photographs makes it appear as if the mix is, perhaps, a very light green color.

Let me just say: No. I can, at my kindest, call it maybe a heathered green. But it would also not be inaccurate to call it a very, uh, herbal green.

So by this point in the proceedings, the very green mixture was both declining to get particularly dry and was also sticking like fuck to my hands.

It was then, like a gift from my already-overburdened memory banks, that I remembered: cornstarch.

Figure 11. Okay, not cornstarch. Sorry. It's arrowroot powder again. IT'S WHAT I HAD NEARBY.

I... may have dumped in the arrowroot at least twice more. No photos, no proof, you'll never catch me, coppers.

With the arrowroot worked in, though, I finally got enough oomph to start forming balls with the stuff. And, as if my grandmother rose from the grave to try and once again teach me how to make her special Easter cookies, I started rolling the soap in my palms to form the balls... and I suddenly remembered that trick where you flour your hands when you work with dough. To keep it from sticking to your skin.

I was a bit late off the mark, but I did manage to at least partially flour my hands with the arrowroot, and that helped considerably with actually making the fucking balls. The large volume of cornstarch mentioned, but not explained, in any of my collected recipes was now justified.

(EX ARTE, EAT YOUR HEART OUT.)

Leaving us with:

Figure 12. A goddamn lavender wash-ball.

And now we wait (some more)

I ended up making five-and-a-mini little wash-balls, which are technically too small overall, but whatever, this is still Experimentation Time. They are now, per various process notes in various recipes, drying again in a shaded location. For how long? Dunno. We're gonna find out.

The outside, as you can see, is rough as hell (though, when I was rinsing the mix off my hands afterward, there was a pleasant abrasive quality to it), but some of the recipes suggest that maybe you're supposed to smooth it out a little after it finishes drying with some rosewater. BUT. I am also considering whether this might be a use for: THE OIL OF LAVENDER. (Aw yiss, full circle.) It's an exciting prospect.

Anyway, I'm gonna check on these fuckers in a few days and see what's up. It'll be an adventure. We can all find out together.

So the stickiness and the green and the cornstarch thing-- those were the "terrible discoveries" you made?

Hm? What?

From the title of the update, trifles. The "terrible discovery," all-caps, that you're cursed with.

...

Look.

This keeps happening.

The last time I made a historically possible self-care extravagance for Stede Bonnet, I thought it would smell like oranges. This time, I hoped it would smell like lavender.

And you know what I got instead, both goddamn times?

MOTHER. FUCKING. COOKIES.

Stede "my fursona is a delicious bakery" Bonnet coulda just been, idk, casually ruining lives with some wafting clouds of absolutely edible 1717 scent profiles as he jauntily bounced along the bounding main and I have to live with that knowledge what the fuck.

And I swear. I swear upon my grandmother's ghost. I did not intend to have this fucking thought.

But between the feel of the doughy soap in my hands. And the warm, spicy, sweet smell still lingering on my skin as I drove home from the studio. I was overwhelmed with the sudden, all-consuming question that left me aching for an answer I can never, ever let myself attain...

Would it taste like cookies if I--

For those who may or may not remember my mostly historically accurate Stede Bonnet lip balm, get ready-- I'm going to start experimenting soon with mostly historically accurate lavender soap.

So... I guess be prepared for me to accidentally explode more shit, hooray.

[asianjeremyheere]

oh boy really feeling those 1.0 pre-pants song vibes in here today

[introloves]

anon: okay so i just went through (the entirety) of your bokuto tag and lemme just say, boxer! bokuto??? yeah top tier. you just KNOW that every time he wins he wraps that medal round your neck and makes you watch in the mirror as he uses it to choke you and keep your head up and eyes on his while he absolutely rails you. shit after fights you’d look just as bruised as him.

— boxer! bokuto + marking + choking + pain + possessive! bokuto + overstimulation + size kink + bokuto calls reader ‘puppy’ + cream pie + f! reader

— word count; 2k

— boxerverse! bokuto: one shot no. 2

he’s trembling, high strung with the adrenaline that still hasn’t left him. it’s funny seeing him whine for your attention, someone so big and muscular like him looking absolutely destroyed when you give him a stern look against his kisses.

it’s so very apparent in the way he handles you that hes looking at you to help him come down.

“bo, calm down.” you pant, trying to push his hands away, its a futile attempt to keep his wandering fingers away from your pants. its like he’s magnetized to the waistband of them, digits twitch when you slap them down.

he’s big, strong, a finely tuned machine built for taking hits and giving them back like a bullet but your rejection makes him pout.

there’s a twist of pain in your chest when he gets like this, but he needs to rest.

despite everything, he acts like its just been another day, but it hasn’t even been two hours since his last fight. theres a bruise painting his lip, another one against his brow, red splotches litter his sides and stomach but he shakes your prying hands off thick wrists, fingers hooking into your waistband and pulling them down to your thighs. he looks up at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. waiting for the okay he knows is inevitably going to come.

“fine, but if i see you wince, we’re stopping.” you sigh, smiling at the absolute beam of teeth and curled lips he gives you.

he’s so fast, peeling off every bit of clothing you had worn tonight. he had to have you, needed it like he needed that win.

a win that he already has, now he just needs you.

you cant deny that his excitement isn’t making you wet, he’s like a god above you, vying for your attention and body. he was truly glorious tonight, muscles taut and coiled as he bounced along the white canvas. biceps curled and ready for his opening to land one of his signature right hooks. he takes every hit against his body like it’s nothing, completely unfazed by his opponent. at one point during the match he taunted them, dropping his arms and baring his teeth, just waiting for the fight to truly get good. it makes you squirm, he could be so intimidating, watching like a predator for any opening, any hole in the opponents defense.

your body flushes in memory of watching him land that final hit, he sees the way your thighs squish together. groaning at the thought that your body was responding to his advances, surely knowing by memory how good he fucks you.

your bo always looks so strong and powerful. no matter where he is, whether he’s fighting or when he’s trapping you against those strong arms.

it makes you sigh at the pure determination he’s dripping in, rolling your eyes as he gives you a once over, wiggling his eyebrows at you, torso stretching to reach something from the bedside table, canines flashing as he shows you his newest trophy. its a devious look, proud eyes glinting down at you.

you feel that you can read his mind, about to tell him that, no you won’t fuck him while he’s wearing it, but he lowers it over your head, giving you a bigger smile as the heavy and cold metal lands right between your tits.

“that looks real good on you.” he finally says, abs contracting with the pangs of arousal crawling up his neck. he flinches just a bit at the soreness there, he’s a little more beat up than usual, but hides it well. if there’s anything he needs other than rest, its to fuck you dizzy.

he thinks he might be a total meat head with just how much he likes the image of you wearing something he worked so hard to win, a primal heat licking at the arousal also flaring inside him. you’re really truly his, bokuto can see it in your eyes, regarding him like hes strung the moon up in the sky.

you belong to him, just as he does you. just like that shiny medal you’re wearing.

the bed creaks under his weight when he leans down to kiss you, hand grabbing your face, keeping you right where he wants you. tongue immediately slipping past your lips, pulling a cute whine. he’s sloppy with it, teeth bumping against your own, spit trailing down the corner of both your mouths. when he pulls away, your eyes cross to watch the string of spit connecting the both of you.

he swipes his tongue out and catches it, mumbling something when he sees you reach for him.

“sit back.” you realize he says a little late, snapped out of the haze by the gentle tap of his index finger against your cheek.

koutarou makes a show to peel the rash guard he was wearing under his shorts off. his creamy, muscled thighs finally grace your vision. it makes your body temperature rise several degrees at once, the hot flash only encouraged when you see his dick lying pretty against his thigh. you reach for him, but the advance is stopped by his hands, he doesnt say anything but grips your wrists a little tighter.

your gaze moves from his purpled knuckles up to his eyes, the amber there looks just a tad bit cooler and you immediately know it’s going to be a bad day for you tomorrow.

“want you on your tummy.” bokuto states, and you listen.

waiting for his hands to grip your hips, but he lags just a little. turning your head to look at him you ask if everything’s okay,

“you remember our safe word?” he inquires, and you nod, blanching just a little. his words send a prickle of fear down your spine, you suddenly feel very vulnerable and exposed.

“well, what is it?”

bokutos hand comes down to grip your shoulder, huffing against your ear. theres a small pull there, bringing your shoulders back to meet him halfway.

“j-juice.”

he’s right there, waiting for the last syllable to leave your lips, poking the head of his dick against your cunt. it leaves you breathless, smooth, velvet skin leaving a wet trail of precum right on your clit.

it makes you exhale out a high pitched keen, unable to stop it from tumbling out a little louder than expected.

the whine has him purring, humming out a, “good girl.”

there’s nothing in the world that you can compare the way he splits you open. the first stroke is always careful, makes sure youre nice and relaxed, wet enough to take him. you always are of course, how could you not with the way he holds you, pulling you back by your shoulders, making your back bend as much as it can, the twist of your body like that makes for a real tight squeeze, feels like the already limited room inside your cunt is cut back to an absolute zero.

it should hurt, but you’ve taken him enough that hes practically carved the shape of him into your pussy.

he has you nice and compliant under his hands, head thrown back to leave the most fucked out sounds of pure ecstasy rattle through your lungs and into the room.

he can feel the chemistry, something akin to electricity, between the two of you. if he could form into words what its like when you lean agasint him, completely trusting him to take care of you, to make you feel good, he’d fill a book up- and pocket it to reread over and over.

bokuto releases you, letting your shoulders fall forward gently before reaching around and pulling the, now, warm metal from between your body and the bed.

it catches you by surprise when he gives it a tug, the silk cutting into your prominent veins, making you go weak and dizzy.

if you couldn’t think or talk before he was doing this, you definitely weren’t going to be able to while he was.

your hands find the pillows above you for leverage, biting down onto your lip when he begins a brutal pace against your hips. hes pinned you down onto the bed with his mass, not even letting you arch your hips to give him better access to your cunt.

“ghh, kou- kou feels good.” you cry, taking an index finger into your mouth to bite, theres not a spot on your body where you dont feel him, so big above you, you can feel the press of his dick in your throat.

“i know it does puppy.” he grits out, still biting back the pain that each brutal contact against your body brings him. hes got the stamina, the sweat hes broken out thus far isnt too bad, but the position and the way hes taking you- hand still holding onto that precious medal- is taking a toll on him.

he knows he needs to make you cum fast.

and knowing his sweet baby, the way to do that is to rough you up just a bit. it’s real endearing.

the silk burns just a little when he shifts behind you, making sure to keep a good grip on it- you dont connect the dots of what hes preparing to do, not until he pulls back.

you’re mid scream before he cuts you off, tears forming in your eyes against the rasp and wheeze of your breathing. the tension around your throat isnt forceful enough to cut your oxygen off completely, it just leaves you wheezing and gives you a nice haze to your vision.

you’ve tensed up completely, knees locking, hands gripping the pillow above you for dear life.

the reaction from you makes him shake, you can feel the stutter of his hips, hearing the high whine leave his throat, he powers through it. he clashes his teeth together and snarls, blinking back stars when he speeds up.

“c’mon, cum. cum for me, puppy.” bokuto grunts.

its not like you to not listen, as soon as his words leave his mouth, you’re closing your eyes.

you’ve gone limp for a second, and bokuto truly fears that hes overdone it, he drops the grip he has on his trophy, about to stop everything, but then your tremors start.

your legs, still pinned down between his own, shake. he sees your cute little hands slap the pillow and swallows deeply. you’re silent- but he can hear the echoes of moans that want to leave your throat thanks to your open mouth and head that’s thrown back. it takes you two seconds before you seem to flicker back to life,

“ghhhh, hhhh! koutarou, kou!” his name is the first coherent thing that leaves your mouth, and he swears there’s nothing better. he cant compare you to winning a match, knocking out his opponent in a KO- because seeing you like this, hearing you scream his name like that would win every time.

he’d like to comment on how eagerly you’re milking his cock, but the pulsing of your cunt around his fat, big dick does him in.

there’s no time to pull out, wasn’t planning on it anyways, but the squeezing of you againts him, leaking your cum down to the base of him, wetting his pubes with you, also leaves no room for it.

it’s obscene, the squelching sounds of his pistoning, cumming cock, creaming your insides white, all the while pushing it out of your cunt with every thrust.

it splatters against your ass and his thighs, white globs of it stick against the two of you while he rides out the throbbing. there’s nothing more satisfying than filling you up, a deep tingle nipping at the base of his skull when he thinks about his cum kept warm in your cunt.

this is what finally tires him out. the tremor and twitching of his strong arms visible when he reaches down and pulls his limp dick from you, he saves you the pain of his weight crushing against your already fragile body by plopping down beside you, you jump up on the bed with the force of his weight collapsing beside you.

the sticky heat is no match for his eagerness to hold you after it all. you slot against his front easily, almost completely dwarfed by his frame.

“‘re you proud ‘fme.” he slurs against your neck, trapping his thigh between your legs. he shivers when he feels the mess of his own cum smear absolutely everywhere.

your hand comes down to rest over his arms, protectively secured around your torso.

“always. i love you so much.” you whisper back, voice just a tiny bit raspy and sore.

“mm, loveyoumore.”

he’s out before you can count to ten, hearing you say that puts a smile on his face while his breathing evens out behind you.

you take the lightest of touches to the bruises on his knuckles, your koutarou truly was something else. while he sought out your validation, you basked in the glory and security of someone as grand as him holding you tight.

[wovenstarlight]

(on ao3)

Before Yoohyun even opens his door, Junhwan’s raising his head, ears flicking. Yoohyun eyes him; while he can’t hear anything himself, Junhwan’s ears are still sharper, so he trusts him—but whatever emotion his daemon is feeling, it isn’t alarm. If anything, it reads as pleased surprise.

Yoohyun opens the door to hyung’s laughter and understands immediately. His and Junhwan’s footsteps are cat-light as they enter their house, padding silently through the living room towards… Is the sound coming from the Horned Flame Lion’s enclosure? Yoohyun’s told hyung not to go in there unsupervised for a while! …But hearing him still laughing like that, he can’t be too angry. Not when the little beast has apparently managed to achieve what he hasn’t in the last two days. A curl of jealousy flares inside him, Junhwan’s lips pulling back to bare his teeth in the start of a growl as he presumably arrives at the same thought, but then there’s a soft, breathless giggle-snort from noona and that-

That makes them both very quiet.

They slow down as they get closer. Hyung isn’t immediately visible through the glass walls of the enclosure; Yoohyun dares to get closer, keeping to the side with some of the thicker foliage, and peers through the gaps.

Ah. There. Hyung’s lying on his side on the soft grass, the Lion perched on his hip and staring wide-eyed at… Noona, who’s up on a tree?

Yoohyun doesn’t understand. What’s so funny? He squints at the Lion, who’s doing… a grand total of precisely nothing. It’s just staring at noona and swishing its tail back and forth, the tip occasionally flicking over hyung’s side. Is it tickling him? But hyung isn’t ticklish, as far as he remembers… And even if he was, what’s noona laughing about? She’s halfway up one of the trees—Yoohyun takes a heart-stopping second to study it and make sure it’s not a Gillotinae, even though he knows objectively that she wouldn’t be stupid enough to get close to those—and peering down at hyung, wearing a silly smile.

She shifts as he watches, turning to jump across to another tree close by and scrambling up its branches. “Reckless,” Junhwan mumbles almost inaudibly, and Yoohyun agrees. There’s something almost childish about the fumbling, uncontrolled way in which she climbs. Like she’s not used to all her limbs being where they are. He remembers it from back when she’d first settled—for two weeks after that, Yoohyun and Junhwan had watched her jump off high spots and panic because she’d forgotten she couldn’t fly. (She was a cat, she’d always landed on her feet, of course, but that hadn’t stopped Junhwan from moving to catch her. Just in case.)

She’s climbing really high right now, actually. Yoohyun frowns as she clambers to the top of one particularly tall tree. Shouldn’t that be stretching their distance limit? Even if hyung’s Awakened now? She barely seems to notice, and the same goes for hyung, who continues lying there, watching her affectionately. Noona crawls out to the edge of the branch closest to hyung, peeks down at him, then hunches down and—

Her feet lift off the branch. Yoohyun and Junhwan lunge for the door. There’s rustling of cloth and grass and fur and creaking hinges and then—

And then, Yoohyun and Junhwan are staring at hyung lying on his back on the ground, noona pillowed safely on his chest and the Lion on his knees, all three of them staring back.

“Yoohyun-ah?” Hyung sits up, noona hopping up to his shoulders and winding around his neck. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Yoohyun blurts. It was only in case— “Nothing. Are you okay?”

“I… Yes…?”

“Okay.” Yoohyun nods quickly. “Good.”

There’s words at the tip of his tongue—be careful, didn’t that pull hurt, why are you in here when I said—but he never gets to say any of them, because noona narrows her eyes at Junhwan and says, “Well, in that case, let them talk, I-wanna-play-tag-you’re-it!” and flings herself at him.

Junhwan bolts entirely on 17 years’ worth of reflex, and noona chases him in circles around them, yowling when he goes too far from hyung for her to follow. Hyung snorts when Junhwan sheepishly approaches them again, only to dance away from noona’s batting paws.

“Oh, that’s no fair,” hyung wheezes, and coaxes the Lion off his knees before bracing his hands against the ground, pausing for a moment (…?), then rolling to his feet—no, foot, all his weight is on his left leg (??) for a split second before he relaxes, balanced once more. “Let’s give her a fighting chance, huh?” he says, and Yoohyun's eyes belatedly flick up from his leg to his face when he starts jogging after Junhwan. Noona gleefully gives chase with the new extension to her leash, and Yoohyun’s forced after them as they cross to the far end of the enclosure.

There’s a pleased smile on hyung’s face as he goes, childish glee in noona’s cackling as she runs, and Yoohyun watches them for a moment before deciding to drop it. He can bring up the question another time; it hardly seems fair to ruin their fun now.

He can't stop himself from smiling as he follows.

[anabsolutetrainwreck]

just let me adore you || h. styles

warnings: swearing, kissing, briefly proofread

word count: 2.3k

summary: a holiday in italy involves an unusual amount of shampoo and lusting...

The villa was somewhat quiet. The sound of solitary piano notes echoed through the halls. Harry’s hair was dishevelled from his heavy night’s sleep prior to the warm morning he found himself emersed in. While his fingers were busy working away at the grand piano, his eyes were preoccupied with following your form around the backyard of the villa. 

You were sat by the pool, your book long forgotten. Your sunglasses were shielding your eyes from the unrelenting Italian sun. Your hair was pinned up, your skin exposed to the heat of the morning. 

Harry’s attention was suddenly pulled away by the sound of your father emerging from the kitchen. “Morning, Haz,” he grinned, clapping Harry on the shoulder. “Any plans for today?”

He shrugged, “Might just, you know, work on some music.”

“A man committed to his career, that’s what I like to see,” your father said. 

Harry nodded awkwardly, offering the older man a quick smile. Once your father disappeared into the lounge, Harry found his eyes wandering back to you. But you’d vanished. Had there not been wet footprints staining the concrete poolside, there would be no trace you’d been there at all. 

Focusing on the lone notes the piano had no trouble emitting became an increasingly difficult task. All he could seem to focus on was you and the obnoxiously loud laughter of your mother and his own in the kitchen. He huffed loudly, pulling his jacket around himself tightly. He clambered up from the piano stool, stalking through to the kitchen to kindly ask if the two women could lower to volume slightly. However, he was soon silenced by the sight of you sat on the countertop of the island, your legs swinging beneath you, a peeled tangerine in your delicate hands. You were smiling slightly as the women couldn’t help but laugh at something Anne had said. 

A bundle of nerves unravelled itself inside of Harry’s stomach when you looked up and locked eyes with him. Your mother and Anne quickly quietened down at Harry’s sudden presence in the doorway. “Morning, darling,” Anne smiled. 

“Morning, Mum,” he replied, breaking his gaze away from your own. “Do you, uh, do you mind if you can keep it down a bit? I’m trying to work.”

“Work?” your mum asked. “Harry, dear, we’re in Italy! Why don’t you wait to work when you get home.”

“I know, but I feel most inspired when I’m away from my house,” he tried to explain. 

“Just take a break, Harry. Relax… you know, unwind,” Anne said softly. 

He sighed, “Okay. Fine. I’m going to shower.”

And with that, he spun on his heel and left the kitchen. You’d been silent throughout the entire exchange, glancing between Harry and your half-eaten tangerine. As you watched him leave, you averted your attention back to your book that was being held open by a mug you’d quickly put down so as not to lose your place.  

Harry found himself running his hands through his dark hair, which was now coated in mango-scented shampoo. He’d just grabbed it off the shelf in the shower, assuming it came as a complimentary luxury with the villa. As the hot water trickled down his body, he allowed his muscles to relax. He knew his mum was right: he needed to separate himself from his music for a few days. But he was only working away tirelessly at the grand piano because it kept his mind off you. If it wasn’t music, it was you. If it wasn’t you, it was music. 

These yearly holidays used to be enjoyable for Harry. Right up until he was fourteen and he realised he liked you. Then they became almost torturous. As soon as he began to see you in this different light, your presence and whereabouts became apparent to his senses. Before, you always seemed to swim in the pool with Gemma or play in her room. He’d occupy himself with your brother by going down to the beach or playing tag in the extensive gardens of the Italian villa. But you suddenly seemed to be everywhere. He’d go down to the beach and there you’d be with your parents or Gemma. He’d be running through the gardens trying to find your brother after an afternoon of hide and seek, and yet he’d discover you reading or gossiping with his sister. All of this, but the summer you didn’t come with your family because you were going away to Scotland with your then-boyfriend instead was utterly dreadful for him.

When he was finished in the shower, he wasted the rest of the day by the pool in hopes you’d venture out with your books and tangerines. But alas, you did not. It was only when the sun was dipping below the horizon did he next lay eyes on you. He was sat at the dining table, his plate before him. You grinned at him, sitting down opposite him. You kept quiet as your parents chatted away mindlessly with Anne, only sharing a brief and quiet conversation with your brother, who you were sat beside. 

Gemma hadn’t come this year, leaving Harry and Anne alone with your family. Anne didn’t seem to have a problem with that at all. After all, she and your mother were such good friends and always had been. You had always been content in your own company. And your brother seemed to spend all his time with your father, something about inheriting the family business. So, Harry had found a companion in the villa’s grand piano, which had now been stripped away from him courtesy of his mother. 

It wasn’t as if you were deliberately being cold to Harry. You actually quite admired him and you knew you always had. And it wasn’t as if you weren’t aware of his eyes following you everywhere you went. But you liked the attention. You wanted to know just what you could do to him. So, when your foot accidentally grazed his leg beneath the table, you didn’t even look at him. After all, it was a mere accident. 

When, at last, your father was finished with his meal, you helped Anne clear away the dishes and your mother as she washed up. While your father and brother ventured through to the lounge to watch a football game, Harry went straight to his room. 

An hour passed and he was too busy on his phone to notice you enter his room. When you cleared your throat, he finally looked up. His eyes were wide like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. He hurriedly shut off his phone, blackness overtaking the screen that had once presented your Instagram profile to him. “Oh, hi, Y/N,” he said as you sat yourself down at the foot of his bed. 

“Oh? Didn’t realise you were expecting someone else,” you smirked. 

“No, no, no. I, uh, I wasn’t. I was just surprised to see you,” he said quickly. 

“Right,” you grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He watched your face screw up suddenly. You leaned forward towards him, before laughing. “What?” he asked. “What’s funny?”

“Is that my shampoo?” you questioned. 

“Shit. I just thought it was a, you know, freebie. I didn’t realise it was yours. Shit. I wouldn’t have used it if I knew it was yours. Shit. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

As he rambled, he remembered that the two of you shared the same bathroom. It was between your respective bedrooms, doors leading to both. Of course it was your shampoo. You chuckled at his ramblings, “It’s okay Harry. It’s just shampoo. You can use it whenever.”

“Oh,” he let out a sigh of relief. “Well, for what it’s worth, I thought it smelt wonderful.”

You smiled, “Thanks. I have a pomegranate one in my suitcase that I think you’d love.”

“Really? Why did you bring two shampoos?” he asked. 

You shrugged, “So I have options depending on my mood. Sometimes I’m feeling like a pomegranate, sometimes I’m feeling like a mango.”

He couldn’t help but smile, his eyes wandering up your bare legs that were only sporting a pair of silky shorts. Obviously, this didn’t go unnoticed by you. “The only thing is,” you started, “you’re going to smell like me now.”

He shifted slightly. You smiled to yourself. 

“What if people, you know, get the wrong idea?” you asked innocently. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat, “I guess you’ll just have to use your pomegranate shampoo tomorrow instead, won’t you?”

You leaned back, somewhat satisfied with his answer. His cheeks were flushed and you knew your job for the evening was done. “Fair play, Styles. See you in the morning,” you made a point of touching his shoulder as you left via the shared bathroom. 

The following morning, Harry awoke, finding himself peacefully content for a moment before he recalled the prior night’s events. He was yet to decide if you were actually making a move on him or not. Or perhaps you were genuinely concerned that your families would smell your signature mango scent on Harry and get the wrong impression of the entire thing. 

He dragged himself out of the soft sheets, getting dressed. He listened silently to the running shower. He could hear you humming along to Then He Kissed Me by The Crystals. And after the shower he stopped, he gave it five minutes before going in to brush his teeth. He couldn’t help but look over to see your bottle of pomegranate shampoo making its place beside your mango one. The red bottle was the one soaked in droplets of water, while the yellow bottle remained dry. You’d done as he’d said. In a way, Harry almost wished you’d used the mango shampoo. He almost liked the thought of people thinking he and you had been so close that he’d absorbed your tropical scent. 

As he wandered into the kitchen, preparing himself some toast, he noticed the unusual silence of the villa. It was unnerving. He felt like the protagonists of those books and movies where they wake up and everyone’s gone or been evacuated. It felt apocalyptic. But, as his mind churned out immediate actions to take in this case of an unprecedented apocalypse, you walked into the kitchen just as his toast popped out of the toaster. “Morning,” you smiled, sitting down at one of the island’s stools. 

“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, spreading butter onto the crisp toast. 

You shrugged, “It was alright. You?”

“I slept wonderfully.”

“Good,” you said. 

“Where is everyone?” he asked, sitting down opposite you. 

“They left for the beach,” you explained. “I didn’t want to go and they didn’t want to wait around for you to get out of bed. Anne told me to tell you that if you want to go down, they’re the ones with the pink deckchairs.”

He nodded slowly, “I think I’ll pass. Not a fan of sand.”

“Right? Why do people enjoy playing in minuscule rocks, which end up in your clothes for the next two weeks? Sounds like hell to me,” you said. 

He smiled at your aggravated tone, “Wow, and I thought I hated sand.” 

“You haven’t seen anything yet, pal,” you joked, smiling. 

Before a blanket of silence could fall on top of the two of you, Harry quickly said, “I saw you used the pomegranate shampoo.”

You raised an eyebrow, glancing up at him, “Yeah… I mean, you told me to, right?”

“Right,” he nodded quickly. “Of course. Well, at least we both smell nice now.”

You frowned, “If you say so. Anyway, I’m going for a swim. See you later.”

Harry watched you leave. His eyes roamed your figure with your legs exposed in a pair of shorts. You looked back at him over your shoulder, grinning to yourself at his longing look. He watched through the large kitchen windows as you rid yourself of your shorts and t-shirt, revealing your swimsuit beneath. He tried desperately to peel his gaze away from you as you settled yourself comfortably on one of the sun loungers by the pool. You placed your sunglasses over your eyes, opening your book. 

As soon as he’d finished his toast, he wandered outside. At the sound of his footsteps, you looked up. “Hi, Harry,” you smiled. 

“Hello,” he said softly, sitting down opposite you. You slid your sunglasses up over your head, settling them on your hair. You sat up, never allowing your eyes to leave his. “How can I help you?” you grinned. 

He was fiddling with his fingers, his gaze alternating between them and you. Finally, you reached out and placed your hand over his shaky ones. You stood, pulling him up with you. You were so close. You could hear each other breathing. You could practically hear his heart thumping against his ribs. You reached up to whisper in his ear, “I know you adore me.”

You smirked, allowing him to revel in your confidence. Call it cockiness. Same thing, really. You slowly pulled away from his ear, pressing your lips to the tip of his nose. And yet it was him who finally connected your lips to his own. He didn’t make any effort to pull away either. You smiled into the kiss, burying your fingers in his hair. And when he finally did pull away, he stared down at you, cheeks red, “Depends if you adore me too.”

You grinned, “I do.”

And, with that, he dove back in. You grinned as he wrapped his arms around your waist, picking you up. He lay you down gently on the sun lounger, leaning over you. As you pulled his shirt over his head, he leaned back slightly. “I thought you didn’t want people to get the wrong idea,” he whispered. 

You shrugged, “I guess we’ll just have to see what pomegranate and mango smell like together.”

[yslkook]

good years (1)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: you arrive at hobi’s birthday party, along with some of your other friends. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: alcohol, cursing, excessive use of pet names...bc its me

Being late to events, especially events in honor of your friends, was your least favorite thing. Punctuality was one of your top three favorite things about yourself, and yet here you were- nearly sprinting through the streets in heels because you were an idiot and had gotten the name of the bar wrong.

Instead of the Silver Spoon, you’d ended up at the Silver Tongue. That’s what happens when you don’t check your text messages for confirmation and operate on autopilot. So now, you were about an hour and a half late (as if the absence of the birthday boy and his merry band of friends at the Silver Spoon didn’t tell you enough).

Oh well. 

By the time you arrive about twelve blocks away to the Silver Spoon, you quickly make sure that not a hair is out of place before walking into the bar to try to blend in, as if you’d been there the whole time.

“Hobi!” You chirp, finding your friend in the middle of all of the chaos, “Happy birthday, Hobi-”

Hobi turns to greet you, a big (drunk) smile plastered across his face. “You’re late! Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Well, I-uh, this is gonna sound dumb, but-”

You’re interrupted by a few of the guys walking into the bar, causing a ruckus and nearly screeching Hobi’s name. At least you’re not the only one who’s late. And you quickly see Sora in your line of sight, entering in behind the guys.

Sora, your best friend of several years since college. She’s been with you since the beginning, taking you under her wing when you were both young and in college. She had brought you out of your shell a bit, inviting you to parties and inviting you to have dinner with her in the dining hall. The slow convenience of college had blossomed into something real, something that could stand the test of time- also known as the test of post-graduate life.

Her friendship was an adventure to say the least.

“Hey,” You beam at her with drinks for both of you in your hands, “Fancy seeing you here-”

“Hey,” She grins, pulling you in for a hug, “Work was so shitty, like, I had to stay late today. Of all days! I can’t wait to have a fuckin’ drink.”

“Yeah, here’s something funny-” But your words are cut off yet again, by the arrival of more friends. It looks like Sora had invited some of her own friends, friends that you weren’t quite sure liked you very much.

But you don’t dwell on that, instead sipping on your drink and settling on people watching. Settings like this unnerve you- being in a place where you’re not quite friendly with everyone in attendance makes you feel self-conscious. It’s easier to just stay in the background, blend into the walls, so as to not upset yourself-

“Hey, you,” Comes a familiar voice to your right. It’s Yoongi, one of your fellow people watcher enthusiasts. He stands next to you, shoulder brushing against yours.

“Hey, you,” You repeat, flashing him a smile and a playful shove to his shoulder, “How have you been? It’s been a while, Yoongi.”

“You’re the one who’s been hiding,” Yoongi teases, “All cooped up at home.”

“So have you! In your studio,” You protest, poking his shoulder.

“I guess I can’t argue there.”

“No, you really can’t,” You say, “So tell me then, what’s new? What’s coming out of the studio these days?”

You enjoy hearing him speak, the way his passion for his craft pouring through his words. He invites you (again) to stop by the studio if you ever want to. You promise to stop by soon, with his favorite snacks. You usually try to stop by his studio at least once a month to catch up with him. He’s also one of your oldest friends, along with Hobi.

“Hey,” Comes another voice to your left this time. It’s a voice you definitely recognize, a voice that makes you tense up immediately.

Jeon Jungkook has always had a way of making you stammer over your words, ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to him years ago. He’s tall, nearly always dressed in all black, tattoos and piercings coloring his frame, and something sweet and sinful swirls in his dark eyes.

You don’t know if it’s a look that is reserved for you or if he looks at everyone like this, but honestly, your brain short circuits every time he glances your way.

“H-hi,” You mumble, taking a sip of your drink to ease your jumpy nerves. Jungkook only grins at you, his bunny smile a stark contrast to the rest of his aura.

“Been a while, huh?” Jungkook says, voice smooth and sweet like molasses. 

“Y-yeah, been busy,” You mutter. You watch in mild panic as Yoongi walks away, being called away by Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Missed you, baby,” Jungkook winks at you. Somehow, he always gravitates to you at these types of events. Not that you’ll particularly complain- his attention makes you feel warm, even if it’s all for jokes and fun.

As Sora repeatedly has told you.

According to her, he’s the worst- a player, a fuckboy (when he was apparently too old to be one, her words not yours) and this is how he treats any pretty girl. So you don’t take it too seriously, only indulging him a bit and keeping him out of your periphery.

But you won’t deny that his recent use of the pet name might make you swoon a little bit.

“Oh, stop,” You wave him off with heat rising in your cheeks. And he knows it, too, from the self-assured smirk he throws you.

“How’s work been? They got you crunching numbers and all that?” Jungkook asks, ordering himself a beer and a drink for you.

“That’s literally my job, but right now, we just got access to a new database so I’m excited to see what kinds of visualizations and insights we can bring forward. We’re moving forward to proactive analysis, but you know, we’re still a ways away from that, we still react to problems so reactively. Like we’re just putting out fires all the time, it’s kinda tiring but I’m excited-” You cut yourself off at your rambling, sheepishly laughing, “Oh, you should’ve stopped me. I know it’s boring.”

“It’s not boring, not if it’s important to you,” Jungkook shrugs, “Besides, I like hearing you talk.”

“Really? You really wanna hear about the latest and greatest happening in the data world?”

“I wanna hear about anything you have to say, baby,” Jungkook says easily. You squeeze your drink in your hand tightly to ground yourself.

This is why he intimidates you- his affections have only increased in the last few months. It’s like he’s playing a game with you, trying to see how long it takes for you to crack. You don’t know how sincere he is when he turns the charm on- is this how he talks to everyone, or is it just you? 

You like to think it’s just you (because you at least dare to call him a friend of yours), but he could get anyone he sets his eyes on. Rather than spiralling down that train of thought, you bask in his flirtations, his gentle affections hidden under his very many layers of black.

Before you can reply to ask him about the tattoo parlor and about his newly purchased motorcycle, Sora interrupts you both. You’re oblivious to the deadly glare that Jungkook shoots her, and the glare that she shoots right back at him.

She whisks you away, an arm tight around your shoulders. You turn your head and look back at Jungkook apologetically.

This is how it always is, especially for the last few months. As soon as Sora sees Jungkook and you speaking, she’ll immediately do anything to intervene. It’s fucking annoying and Jungkook is beginning to dislike Sora more and more each time he has the misfortune of coming in contact with her. He doesn’t really care about whatever personal vendetta your best friend has for him.

He’s always thought Sora was a conniving woman, full of manipulation and tricks up her sleeve. Ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to their friend group (and you had brought Sora along as well). His instincts are hardly ever wrong, but he hates to see you spiral with her.

But he’s powerless to stop you from walking away from him. Yet again.

tags: @kookdbean​