#is a plus to the laidback scene too

[windydrawallday]

FORGED BY FIRE D04: Stargazing

[01] [02] [03] [04] [05] [06] [07] [Prompt List]

Heatwave doesn't see much point in such a break from duty but hey, if it keeps his partner's mood from rubbing his ego everywhere, he won't complain.

And that's all my love can make me do! For now at least (it would be cool to revisit this art style with them another time!).

Thank you to everyone who enjoyed my mini-contribution to this duet of characters, luv them lots!

[world0fmadness]

This is probably a silly question, but if you could meet any of the bm musicians in real life who would it be and why?

Also you seem so cool! Love your blog 🫶🏻

୨୧ there is no such thing as a silly question, honey! especially not here on my blog, you guys could ask me quite literally anything in the world and it would never be silly to me ^w^

and this is actually a great question! i love getting little questions like this… even if i feel that i’m kind of bad at explaining sometimes hehe! such a tough question too though, hopefully you don’t mind if i answer with a couple people…

i think one that i would’ve loved to meet would of course be pelle from morbid / mayhem! someone on here once told me they thought him and i seemed to have similar souls and it fucked me up, in the best way, for days! i don’t think i would be able to talk much to him if i did meet him though, i’m already a very shy person around everyone let alone people who i have so much admiration and respect for! i think i would just be kind of starstruck but thankfully i do not stare at people so i probably would not make him uncomfortable by eyeballing him lolol… i tend to keep my eyes down to the ground and only sometimes look up when spoken to! i keep to myself a lot of the time unless someone sparks conversation with me first and if they mention something i really enjoy, like a band or movie, then i tend to slowly come out of my shell and will ease into a passionate ramble about said thing to this unsuspecting person lolol! i usually only wear shirts that are related to bands or movies so maybe that would peak his interest a little, if it was a band or movie he also liked…

i suppose i can’t really go into major reasoning as to why i would like to meet him out of so many others in the black metal scene but i think it boils down to feeling as though we have kind of similar personalities and similar struggles… i think he was such a strong talent, such a unique soul lost too soon but i am glad he was able to leave this word on his own terms, i’m hoping that doesn’t sound fucked up or anything! i would’ve liked to ask him about his thoughts on many things, his hobbies and all of that stuff…

a second musician would be fenriz from darkthrone / isengard! not even specifically younger fenriz, i would love to meet him as he is now! he just seems so fun yet laidback at the same time, so humorous and passionate… i would love love love to ramble back and forth about obscure music hehe! not to mention cats! i can see us showing pictures of our cats to each other like proud parents! not to mention i just think i would be very easily made comfortable in his presence, he just seems so genuinely nice to be around and not judgemental in the slightest! i mean, i think i would still be awestruck at meeting someone so talented but i just think he would make you feel like you’ve been friends for years within just a couple minutes of meeting and chatting…

a third musician would simply have to be cronos from venom! like many people, venom was one of the first few extreme metal bands i began listening to when i was wayyy younger and it was the first band that i got really heavily into… i mean seriously, i begged my grandmother to buy me every single one of their CDs lolol! i think my grandfather only really supported me in my begging because he is from newcastle himself… my grandmother did not buy me all of their CDs but she did buy me welcome to hell, then my older cousin burned some more custom venom CDs for me! it’s also one of the few extreme metal bands my mother really likes too, so that’s always a major plus! i think cronos just seems like a very genuine guy, he seems fun to hang out with and again, i would probably to too starstruck to talk all that much! i don’t think i would be a true british metalhead if i didn’t really want to meet cronos! so yeah, i think i’d just like to ask him about how it feels to be so… respected? i guess? how it feels to have been so many peoples first real introduction to more extreme metal, how it felt to have been the band…

not exactly a musician but i would dieee if i ever met metalion! gosh, he just probably has so so so many stories to tell about people in the extreme metal scene, so many good memories and pictures hidden away! every time i read an interview with him, i find myself agreeing with nearly everything he says so i just think i would find him to be very good company! definitely one of those guys you plan on talking to for a quick five minutes that suddenly turns into five hours because of how easy he is to talk to and how many stories he has to tell…

and a bonus musician is akira yamaoka even though he is certainly not black metal! gosh, i would really sell some of my organs to meet him… his music is always just incredible to me, always so full of passion and genuine care for the project! even his solo project, enn mo takenawa, was beyond beautiful and unique… he is such a talented soul, such an obviously passionate soul and i would love to just sit and have a conversation with him about music, about his music and music he enjoys / finds inspiration in! so much of his music has gotten me through some real tough nights and some real lonely walks, his music is true beauty in the eeriest form…

i will not give major reasonings for these but some others i would love to meet and have a simple little chat with would be S.D. from trembling void, faust from emperor / scum, B.S.O.D. from grausamkeit, euronymous from mayhem, kobal from darvulia / fornication, ihsahn from emperor and quorthon from bathory! of course, i could go on so much more about why all of these people are so interesting to me, why i would love to meet them and chat with them but i do not wish to keep you here all damn day lolol!

thank you so much for this ask, anon! i love answering any and all questions you guys have! and thank you again, i’m glad i seem so cool to you guys lolol! younger me would never believe it hehe… you guys are all just as cool as me! glad to hear you love my blog too, i love you guys just as much <3

[evansbby]

Ari becoming my fave is a combination of a few things, the styling (70s look plus how slutty they made CE look 😩 like SIR why are your shorts that short -please never wear anything longer 😏-), the scene of him waking up naked 🤤, his body, how often he's wet and half naked 🥵 (I actually never saw the movie but there are so many gifs of him naked and wet sooo 😅), the hair, the beard, the vibes ✨️ (in that gif of him sipping coffee in short shorts by the beach, he looks like a summer romance that would wreck you and you'd thank him and remember him for years to come 😩), and the fanfic and how various gifs and pics been used in combination with fics 😌 and my own projections on him 🙂‍↕️ I'm weak for men with longhair and big beefy body 😮‍💨🤤😩🙂‍↕️🫠

nah fr like… the costume design and the filters used in that movie just made him look so SO good like just the whole 80s vision!!! it was too good although the movie is problematic af and i don’t fw that director 🥲🥲🥲

but literally ari is sooo slutty and have the best and most sluttiest outfits, and he gives such alpha male cocky vibes, and yet laidback vibes too, and he’s sooo golden tanned and YES exactly like a summer romance like he just has the summer filter permanently on him and he’s sooo beefy and THAT HAIRRR 😍😍😍😍

[amenders93]

Something Strange

While Ginger and the gang plan their break-in into Fun-Land Farms, Molly and Frizzle are inside the farm having the time of their lives. They had discovered a giant egg-cup ride and were spinning around, screaming with delight. They both tumbled off the ride, dizzy but happy. Molly comments that this place is fun with Frizzle adding that it's the most amazing place ever. Thinking of home, our island princess tells her friend that her mother thinks their home is the most amazing place in the world.

Frizzle doesn't seem to agree; every time she'd bring up something from Fun-Land Farms, Molly would talk about her home back on the island. First, while jumping on a trampoline made of marshmallows, Frizzle asks the streets back on the island are paved with marshmallows, Molly answers that they're paved with dirt. When they jumped off the trampoline and dove onto sun loungers, Frizzle asks if she can lie around all day doing nothing, Molly thought of her father's laidback attitude to life. At least she's still thinking about Rocky and Ginger. ❤️

Then Frizzle suddenly spotted something new and got really excited about it. It was something she had only heard of but never really knew had actually existed. They both got a closer look at the foreign object. It was an automatic chicken feed dispenser with colorful buttons. Molly asks her friend what it is and Frizzle calls it an all-you-can-eat buffet. Frizzle uses her beak to push a button and out pops a drawer full of colorful seed. Molly was impressed with this. Frizzle then took Molly's hat and filled it up with all the seed it could hold. The girls began to enjoy their snack, with Molly calling this cooler than a penguin's toenails.

The best friends then hop onto a ski lift which carried them up to a hilltop with a slide. Molly told Frizzle that back home, she had chores to do like help Aunt Mac with the harvester, help Aunt Bunty pick carrots and make yarn with Aunt Babs. I wonder if she even helped Grandpa Fowler polish some metals and listen to his RAF stories. But here at Fun-Land Farms, it's just play and more play. While Frizzle was checking out the giant slide, our island princess then began thinking about friends and family, and of her happy life back on the island, wondering if they're missing her. Oh Molly, you have no idea how much they really do miss you. 🥹 I also think you're missing them too. 😉 Frizzle says how great it is that they get to do whatever they want and happily slides down the slide. When she reached the bottom, she shouts to Molly to slide down too.

Our island princess then slides down the slide, having more fun until she notices another chicken walking up the slide. They could not help but bump into each other without getting hurt as a plus. However, when Molly apologizes for the bump, she noticed that the chicken just got back up and walked back up the slide again, only to be bumped by two other chickens. Then more chickens come down the slide and bumping into each other. And all Molly could do was walk around this scene, just getting more confused. 😕

That's when our observant girl started to look around the other chickens in Fun-Land Farms. She saw that all the other chickens weren't anything like her and Frizzle. They all had collars on and very strange expressions on their faces - blank and stupid-looking, like they were all a bit brainless. In one area, one chicken was trying to play golf while another chicken had fallen head-first into a golf hole. In another area, one chicken kept bumping into a tree while another chicken dangled upside down from the ski lift. And at the all-you-can-eat buffet, one chicken had gotten super fat from eating so much seed (the same chicken that was there when Molly and Frizzle had gotten their snack earlier) and another chicken had fallen head-first into the drawer which was trying to close. We all say that chickens are not the brightest birds in the world but these chickens take the cake. 🤪

Molly started to get really worried, getting a strong feeling that something wasn't right. Actually she's not the only one. 😥 She ran over to Frizzle, who was in another area doing a little observing of her own. Molly tells her friend how she thought that there was something strange about this place; Frizzle agreed with her. Our girls looked around a little bit closer at their "amazing place ever" and noticed that the trees weren't real trees but painted boards and the grassy hills were propped up by strange scaffolding.

Above them, one of the eyes in a chicken head statue moved. The eye was actually a camera that swiveled round and zoomed in on Frizzle. She was being watched - but why? Upstairs there was a secret control room. Inside this control room were lots of screens and these screens were linked to cameras all over Fun-Land. A short man with spectacles wearing a white lab coat was watching Frizzle investigate with great interest. He's the shadowy figure we saw from when we first arrived at this chicken farm. I did tell you we'd come back to him later. All of the chickens had collars with numbers put on them the moment they arrived at Fun-Land Farms and he noticed that Frizzle wasn't wearing a collar at all. The man grabbed a spare collar from a peg and a large chicken suit, commenting that he doesn't want any chickens making any trouble here, especially not today. What is he going to do with that collar and the chicken suit? 🤔

For the first time since they got to Fun-Land Farms, our girls are starting to realize that things are not always as they seem. We've all learned this lesson at least once in our lives. You need to be careful about the people you meet and the things you see and hear about. Sometimes they seem too good to be true and sometimes they can even be dangerous. Even with that scientist around, let's just hope that it won't mean too much trouble for our girls.

[beevean]

So!

Those first 3 episodes

What can I say?

The plot was written

The backstories were told

The characters were characterized

The social issues were commentated on

The pacing was....paced

100/10, best show ever

On a more serious note I'm genuinely impressed that they managed to make these 3 episodes feel even more rushed to fuck than Season 1, which in its 4 episodes was able to at least establish each of the main characters and the main villain, their respective motivations and you know was mostly just a testing season made to see if there was public interest plus it was made using the scraps of a cancelled movie from 10 years earlier

This shit right here is awful. Genuinely awful, just the most stereotypically fanficy writing I can think of, the pacing goes by so quickly it feels like they're speedrunning the whole thing and there's no way to properly establish each character without it feeling like a 5 minute digression at best and then on with the fight scenes!

And the social commentary is as subtle as a jack hammer of course, i'm treally curious to see if they'll explain how a vampire elite can control society from the shadows so fully when they souldn't even be able to make public appearences during the day. Are you really telling me the citizen of France are so dense they never thought to set the royal palace ablaze during the morning?

Oh and then there's Maria

Called it about her

I have a honest-to-god headache.

Where do I begin?

Well... Richter is fine, so far, although he didn't do much. He's pretty laidback without being too vulgar. That's honestly how I'd imagine the real Richter to be. I wish they advertised those moments instead of showing him crying. I have to wonder, though, why did he use to be a prominent ice magic user of all things. Are they going to say that he inherited Juste's magic? (also where is the morning star?)

But then... big oof.

The pacing is shit. That was painful to go through. These three episodes were full of flashbacks and fight scenes: the latter to shoehorn tragic backstories instead of organically weaving them in the story, and the latter to pad out time, because they were just "oh there are monsters now! Go smash them!"

also I didn't see a single enemy from the games. We're back to S1's generic monsters. Nice.

Also, what's with those backstories? Richter has a Dead Mom, Annette has a Dead Mom + Slavery, Tera is Russian has a Dead Sister... really? That's the best you can do? It's so fucking cheap!

And the show really deadass killed Edouard, a nobody just introduced, in the second episode, and then expected me to feel bad about him because Annette, another nobody, misses him and cries with the most narmtastic voice acting so far. This is literally the same thing they did with Cho, except at least we weren't meant to feel sorry for her.

Maria is insufferable. She's the rudest and crassest of them all, can't talk about anything that isn't "liberty, equality, fraternity" and she's terrible to Richter - why is NFCV's idea of friendship insulting each other? We don't even know how they know each other! At least NFCV showed us how the gang was formed!

(Annette is too bland as of now, but justifying her metalbending with "she descends from gods" is... something)

Can we talk about that worldbuilding? There are still Devil Forgemasters? Who are they? Did Hector and/or Isaac have descendants (good god i do not want to imagine n!isaac impregnating a woman), or it's yet another person, diminishing the uniqueness of the art? And they're using machines to turn humans into Night Creatures? MACHINES??????? What the fuck is this, Sonic SatAM??????

(also bullshit that Night Creatures are only made, not born. Hector said, and I'm quoting from S2E3, "Before the war, night creatures were simply a species in hiding. They either reproduced naturally or were created by acts of wild magic." bro c'mon I'm not even a fan and I remember your worldbuilding, why can't you guys)

But also. Man they didn't even try to be subtle with these vampires. They are the entire French elite, they are the "white slave owners". Wow, deep commentary right there. And tell me, how can they go out in the open and show themselves to humans like that? How can they walk in the sunlight, like Drolta is seen to be doing? I know the original show had vampire lords like Carmilla and Cho, but they're really saying "yep, all the evil nobility is made of vampires" now, and everyone is aware of it.

And fucking Drolta. What the fuck are those shoes. They look like horse hooves. Isaac was neutered to keep her stupid hair and boobs, and also Olrox sitting on the-guy-who-looks-like-agent-stone-from-the-sonic-movies' chest. Okay. I'm normal about it.

and speaking of sonic references, edouard singing at the bird's funeral is peak NANANANANANANANANAAAAA energy.

Don't know what else to add. It was extremely boring and rushed and while we're not hitting the peak of offensiveness of the original show, this is still so, so bad from a writing standpoint.

And, as expected, the only thing that connects it to CV is that Richter has a whip. The story so far looks like a shitty period drama fusing the French Revolution and that good ol' american slavery story. They haven't learned a thing.

How in the hell are they going to butcher SoTN...?

[stigmvtas]

GABRIEL LEONE — ABRIDGED.

welcome to marina, GABRIEL 'GABE' LEONE ( nonbinary, they/them ) ! they are a TWENTY EIGHT year old who has lived over on TOWER HILL for MOST OF THEIR LIFE and works as a BARTENDER/PIERCER. everyone says they look a lot like JUSTICE SMITH. what do you think? — JAMES, 24, THEY/THEM, EST.

MENTIONS OF DIVORCE, DRUGS, BODY HORROR / INJURY / INFECTION, AND DELUSIONS.

profile.

full name: gabriel ‘gabe’ leone.

birthday: october 31st, 1995.

astrology: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

sexuality: queer.

currently listening to: sextape by deftones.

last known location: [[[cannot be found]]]

PINTEREST.

brief history.

divorce mention; moved to marina when they were seven, following the divorce of their parents. their father's still a chef in nyc, while their mother - sonia - is an artist. an illustrator.

still visits nyc sometimes to see their dad & to participate in the underground scene there, since their dad's the one who instilled a love of punk music in them.

sonia remarried when gabe was a teenager (not just a regular teenager, an emo teenager, at that), giving them a bonus brother, and they did not take it super well.

drugs mention; preferred smoking in whichever forested area they could find, or far down the shore, or in their friends' attics and basements, than be home and get to know their new family. had a complex. still kind of has a complex.

extremely average in school, had no idea what they wanted to do after graduating except 'make music, fuck art, eat shit idk' which led to most of their friends heading off to private universities and gabe dropping out of community college.

body horror? / injury / infection; got into piercing because it's something they've done since a teenager, and it comes to them easily. plus, money. money is always good. almost got sued recently because they pierced someone's balls and the person did not take their aftercare advice seriously and wound up with an infection.

started bartending afterwards out of pure fear that they'd be bankrupt and jobless. is not bankrupt and jobless. starting a tattoo apprenticeship just for funsies.

facts & temperaments.

currently residing in the cheapest apartment they could get in tower hill. it's not, like, great - but they have at least one giant window, and that's enough for them.

too friendly for their own good. isn't automatically trustful but also isn't distrustful. it's easy to get on their good side, because despite all their anxiety - they're pretty laidback otherwise.

is in their head. a lot. insecure but keeps a mostly confident demeanor. tends to laugh it off a lot but they care a lot about what others think about them. at least if it's someone they care about.

clingy so clingy. loves their friends to death and is probably a little in love with them too. doesn't do well when there's miscommunication, because they'll probably assume the worst. but the worst is always, oh they don't like me anymore and they think i'm ugly and my dick's a flop and - and not like, oh they're betraying me in some way.

drugs / delusions; partier. loves loud music, loves crowds. loves feeling alive. prone to acid trips. last year they had a particularly bad trip and they still believe they're actually just a ghost and their body's buried somewhere on the island. has gotten a little more impulsive because of it.

5'6" and every inch of their skin minus their face (mostly) is covered in tattoos. can't help it. has gotten re-tattooed over older tattoos because they grew tired of them. has a knuckles tattoo that just says KNUC KLES. it's actually their favorite sonic character.

was a band kid in high school. and a dnd nerd. is still a dnd nerd. and a comic book nerd. and a horror movie nerd.

still plays guitar, sometimes does their own vocal tracks but it's mostly distorted or altered in some way. is stuck in the 2000s emo scene perpetually, but also the punk scene. and the nu metal scene? there's variety.

has a lip ring. and a nose ring. and an eyebrow ring. lots of rings.

nude figure model for the local colleges' art programs because they would never say no to some extra money, and also because they love their body.

vegan n loud n proud about it. big on sustainability and animal rights.

[rhetoricandlogic]

A House with Good Bones - T. Kingfisher

When I think Southern Gothic fiction, I generally picture grim haunting tales set in creepy small towns in the American South. I think overall bleak tones with a sense of foreboding and dread. I think horror, the supernatural, the disturbing and the macabre.

What I don’t usually expect is to be laughing my ass off at the gut-busting humor. Yes, I know morbid or dark comedy is sometimes used in the genre to poke fun at Southern societal norms and traditions, but as usual, T. Kingfisher’s famed wit and lightness of touch makes her latest novel an instant gem.

In A House With Good Bones, we follow recently furloughed archaeoentomologist Samantha Montgomery on a visit to her hometown in rural North Carolina. Needing a place to stay for a while, she also figures this would be a good time to check in with her mother Edith, who has been acting very strange lately according to recent reports from Sam’s brother. Upon her arrival, Sam could immediately see what he means. Normally a happy-go-lucky woman, Edith has become tense and jumpy, overly cautious about everything. The house that Sam remembers as colorful and vibrant has also been repainted to the original bland hues which were favored by her miserable grandmother Mae, back when she was still alive and owned the home. Plus, the less said the better about the questionable décor which now adorns the place, which Sam knows to be completely out of character for her mom.

Worried that it might be dementia or worse, Sam sets out to find out what ails her mother. She learns that what Edith is experiencing could be symptoms of delayed bereavement for Gran Mae, even though the old woman has been dead for many years. But Edith’s odd behavior is also just the tip of the iceberg. As insects are her life’s work, Sam can’t help but notice her mother’s garden is completely devoid of any of the creepy crawlies which would normally be everywhere. Not a single ant, spider, or bee despite the garden being filled with Gran Mae’s famously beautiful rosebushes which have been growing at the house for decades. And that’s not even the weirdest part. One night, Sam wakes up to a horrifying discovery which even she as a seasoned entomologist finds disturbing, and that’s only the first of many more nasty surprises the house has in store for her.

If you enjoyed Kingfisher’s The Twisted Ones, then I think you’ll also come to love A House with Good Bones. That’s because the two books feel very similar to me in terms of tone and style, both serving up a perfect blend of horror and humor. Even the title is a cheeky gibe in its own way. The story also features a charismatic and lovable protagonist with an unforgettable voice. Sam Montgomery’s personality is positively infectious, reflected in her laidback narration which flows naturally off the page and frequently includes hilarious observations of the things happening around her. Even in the face of terrifying uncertainty, she can still liven things up with a joke or two.

I was also touched by Sam’s concern for Edith and the way she was so fiercely protective of her. Having just finished a string of novels about dysfunctional families, reading one that featured a strong, loving mother-daughter bond felt quite refreshing for a change. I also enjoyed the side characters, like the neighbors Gail, bitter rival of Gran Mae when she was alive, and Phil, the awkward but intelligent handyman who Sam becomes sweet on as the story progresses. I was even charmed by the wake of vultures, part of a wildlife rescue and rehabilitation program, which have taken over the street and made it their home.

It’s little things like that which made A House with Good Bones such a joy to read. Whenever a scene got too scary, some quirky detail or random quip would bring the tone back to lighter territory. Kingfisher has always had a knack for finding this balance between creepy and funny, and that’s why I keep coming back to her horror books. And no question about it, this one has become one of my favorites.

[phantomram-b00]

Okay, as I finished rewatching season one, I notice something that I did reference on my other post that might help strengthen the argument for this one:

So to not mention what I mention in the post because I don’t wanna sound repetitive. Imma just mention the last episode (and maybe also episode five) on season one.

So episode five, we see Crowley running inside the burning bookshop and be completely devastated that he might’ve lost Aziraphale. Meanwhile we see Aziraphale up in heaven with a discorporated body, he is expected to go into war. But he refused and not only choose the world, but also in a sense choose Crowley over Heaven. Because right after he touch the globe, he immediately went to Crowley and ask if he ran away after all, And there Crowley reveal that he lost a best friend. Now I know some people have said that Aziraphale might not have gotten that and think he meant someone else; I don’t think so, I know we would say they’re idiots (they are-) but! I see this as Aziraphale knows who he meant as “best friend” it just he never was called this before nor does he know how he feel about this. It like when you get compliment for the first time, you don’t know if you wanna be happy, cry of joy, or whichever, I feel that was Aziraphale for a moment but he had to put his feeling aside for the sake of the world.

Now probably asking why bring this up? Well, because if you recall, in the minisode in season 2, Aziraphale called Crowley: friend. (Now, in this scene I had a feeling since this is the time period where he find out he in love with him, he felt hesitant because he realize this fact. But let move on). Do you think, he would want to change Crowley after considering him friend and them being labeled Best Friend? Actually, better question, would you want your best friend to change? Or your best friend to change you into something you didn’t want to be? Because one of the many thing about friendship is that they mold you into the person you become and help you mold into a person you can be comfortable in. Especially since, Aziraphale is able to be comfortable around him, he can be the sassy, bubbly, sweet, magic obsessed angel he can because Crowley was there to support him even if he thought magic was dumb. (Crowley is so his number one fan but denial is a river in Egypt). So why would Aziraphale want to change the one person that help him be comfortable when heaven frown down upon them? Because he really doesn’t. Because there nothing to change, you can’t change anything that is already perfect.

Now look, I’m not going to pretend that both of them are perfect, they both have their flaws. Crowley with his instinct of running away and Aziraphale’s selflessness (being selfless isn’t entirely a flaw innit of itself however seeing how selfless he is to the point he would get himself into pickles; too much selflessness can be converted into a flaw). But they perfect in a sense of how they balance each other. How they wouldn’t change one thing about each other even if they can try. Plus how Aziraphale does make Crowley comfortable with him, especially at the bookshop. Crowley is able to show his “angelic” side, and I use quotation because while he not demonic, he still a sarcastic bastard who still sorta like to ensue chaos and I love that about him. But also Crowley can be able to be laidback, tease and enjoy this world with this angel. So while no one can be perfect, but they see each other as perfect for each other because they choose each other over everything. (Despite that season 2 ended with Aziraphale choosing Heaven, but I think just like episode 5, Aziraphale will come back and choose Crowley and the world because he doesn’t want to lose the one thing that completes him.)

But hey, that’s just my ghostly opinion. 🤭 i just wanted to add things that wasn’t said in the last post, and I didn’t want to edit it so I decided to just reblog it here especially as I’m rewatching the series for the metatron post (and because I love this show🥲). So yeah. That my two cent as a phantom on the internet.

You know what time it is?? Me rambling about season 2 again. This time, I wanna talk about some stuff a family member mention about regarding Aziraphale’s action and whatnot since it never really left my mind, mostly because I can’t help but disagree.

My family member first mentioned how Aziraphale could’ve told Metatron to give him a minute and talk to Crowley before going to the elevator and how they were mad that he step inside anyway.

Okay I want to prefix by saying, don’t we all? I do think the fandom are ready to see him to do an apology dance more than Michael Sheen himself. But what they said about this, and look I feel this might be unpopular but: Metatron would not have giving Aziraphale another chance nor did Aziraphale had a choice really.

“Phantom why you say that?”

Because, Metatron hooked him into a trap by saying Aziraphale’s favorite word, “Crowley” and the fact that he get to come with him. Which, think about it, Aziraphale wasn’t giving Heaven a second thought it wasn’t until Gabriel and the shenanigans came in is when heaven became the focus again. And then Metatron give him a promotion and like many have pointed out, he said no. But once Crowley came into the picture, he was ready to share the “big news”. And one thing about Aziraphale is while he clever, like my family member said he ultimately chooses became ignorant and almost refusing to see the gapping red flag. It kinda like when an intense scene is happening and you want to cover your eyes but you still wanna look? That’s kinda what Aziraphale doing just he covering his eyes in an effort to not see the alarm bell ringing but still looking since deep down he know something isn’t right, even Crowley is telling him “something smell absolutely foul”. Even then, he still is not looking at the bigger picture, he’s more or less focusing onto the fact that he could possible make heaven/earth better and to have Crowley there. But that not what Crowley wants.

And of course, we see that Crowley ends up being right, the second coming is happening. Which is why he look back at Crowley, this is where my family member said “he could’ve told metatron to wait and go to Crowley to tell him about the second coming” which, um, given that as soon as Crowley left after Aziraphale said “I forgive you” (that hurts writing it wtf Aziraphale), metatron simultaneous showed up not letting Aziraphale process what just happen, he was just kissed by his crush- no, his love interest. His best friend since the beginning of time/garden of Eden. (And with implication, most likely kissed back).

Look, I’m not the best with social cues/facial expression. However, seeing just his eye, you can see him going through the motions, you can see that he place his hand on his lips. Even when his eyes are glassy, he not only processing the kiss but what he just said to his best friend, his partner in crime, his love interest; and that is breaking his heart just as much as it broke Crowley’s heart, but he wasn’t giving that choice to dwell because guess who shows up after divorcing their unofficial official marriage for them:

And this that, Aziraphale had to go, he agreed to take up this offer. Even if Crowley wasn’t gonna go or not (which remember this imma bring it up later), and so he kinda had to take the L and go with metatron. Now going back to metatron reveal the thing Crowley was talking about. Could Aziraphale had told metatron to wait so he goes back to Crowley? I mean he could’ve but who to say Metatron was even going to give him the time of day if he wasn’t going to let Aziraphale process what transpired? Metatron doesn’t want any more setbacks, he needed Aziraphale and he did. He won. But also, I feel Aziraphale felt he burnt his bridges and is afraid to go up to Crowley to say he was right, especially since I don’t think that not what he wants to hear, but you bet that if metatron wasn’t there, he would’ve so ran to Crowley in a heartbeat. But he can’t. He going back into the box he created before meeting Crowley and so he walked away with metatron to the elevator.

Now thinking about it, this look reminds me when Crowley first suggesting running away to Alpha Centauri. He’s exhibiting that he does want to go off with Crowley; he want nothing more than to go toward or even be with Crowley. But what do both these instances have in common? is that Heaven is what tying his hands down. Only this time, he think he can’t because he felt he betrayed and lost Crowley and now he has to go back and hope to make things better and not let the world die again. So that’s why I feel Metatron wasn’t gonna give him another chance or that Aziraphale had any liberties; I did mentioned this on my Aziraphale post about how heaven prevents him to progress as a angel/person or let him have a say without being judged. Hell metaton called Muriel “dim”, I think Aziraphale more than anything want to satisfy his hopeless romantic desire and run away with him, but I feel his love for humanity is also the factor as earth is where they made all the memories, all their growth, and much more. Frankly, Aziraphale was put between a rock and a hard place, and Metatron was never going to make this easy. It like in Season 1, Episode 4, when we first met him, right off the bat Metatron lays it out that armageddon is the key to start the war and win it; like the other angels he’s just as war hungry and doesn’t care about humanity. Now that episode he didn’t drag him back to heaven but he did warn him not to stall, so I don’t think this situation is any different as he doesn’t want any more setback, he want the second coming to happen no matter the damage he caused. He. Does. Not. Care. For. Aziraphale. (Or anybody/anything in that matter). He can switch it up and act gentle and kind but underneath it all; he just want blood from the demons and win this biblical holy war because it’s “the ineffable plan”. So I don’t think Metatron would’ve giving Aziraphale another minute in earth because he doesn’t want to waste anymore time and frankly there most likely something about Aziraphale he needs. Because he could’ve promoted Michael or Uriel or even Saraqael, but no. Something about Aziraphale he needs and he need him to start up the plan and he can’t wait.

Now another thing my family member brings up is that, Azirphale want to change Crowley and make him an angel again.

Look, it might seem that way and I can understand how it can seem that way given the scene. However, I disagree because, given they’ve spent millennia together I don’t think Azirpahale want to change Crowley at all. Now sure, have he ever make comment about Crowley being a demon? Yeah of course, as well as Crowley make comment about Aziraphale being an angel (*cough* Jobs episode is a prime example) but not once have he ever make a remark or show he want Crowley to change by any means. If that was the case, don’t you think he would’ve stayed friend let alone fall in love with Crowley if he wanted him to change?

Look at that smile, oh wait actually let me prove more

Okay to refrain myself from showing more of these husbands/spouses/wives (whichever you prefer ^^), the point I’m trying to make is Aziraphale would never ask Crowley to change himself because in his eyes he’s already perfect. He was perfect when he first met him as an angel and he was just as perfect when they met again at the garden. Now of course, in Episode two of season two, he does kinda make remark regarding Crowley’s morals but I toke that as the fact that Aziraphale only knows the morals that heaven defined for them and sure Azirphale have shown to follow his own moral compass like giving the sword away and saving job’s kids but given that he had a breakdown because he thought he was going to fall just for saving kids, we got a glimpse of him battling with morals and even still is now. Even back in, season one even thought he wants to stop armageddon still almost follows heaven, episode 3, he tried to back pedal and even went as far as try to convince himself that he doesn’t like Crowley (yeah okay Aziraphale surreeee 🤨). I do think season 2, is another example between the flashbacks and the current timeline. Episode three of season 2 kinda show the flaw in what Aziraphale’s idea of moral taught by heaven, just because what you think is right ≠ good morals (at least not always anyway.) he sabotage Elspeth during her job because he fear this whole thing was sinful and would damn her soul despite the fact the only reason she did it is to survive the streets of Edinburgh. Sure you can say it not the best way but given the context she most likely don’t have a lot of options. I just think, Aziraphale refused to accept the fact that he’s morally grey (I almost said he struggles, but I want to give him props that he clever enough to know that he isn’t morally white.) and want to see things black and white not knowing there a grey line in between those colors.

But I digress, even with this, Aziraphale accept and respect Crowley’s morals within the six thousand years they’ve known each other. He respects Crowley as a person too, he trust him with his life. (This is them toasting after Aziraphale almost died twice in one day both the church and a magic trick. What a day.) i don’t think he would want to change that, I mean this is the same year he had an epiphany that he loves Crowley.

Now, imma go into the status with Aziraphale wanting Crowley to be an angel again. Now said this in the beginning of this paragraph, and while sure with this it does seem like he want to change him But, I think this is more or less wanting to give Crowley the title he deserve after falling for something so simple as asking a question. (Again we don’t know why he fell, we still going within implication until season 3 get confirmed. I’m just throwing this out there). Aziraphale see this as wanting to give Crowley back the title that was rightfully his and want to change heaven with Crowley; he know how Crowley feel about heaven, he deeply disagrees with heaven and their views on their twist ideology. We seen him comment on this within season 1/2, with garden of eden, the flood, job, and armageddon itself and Aziraphale despite hiding it, agrees with him. So I think aziraphale was trying to use this as a way to tell Crowley, “Come with me, let’s go fix heaven and make things right. Let me give you a chance to come back after they wrongfully cast you out.” While also saying “I don’t want to go alone.”

“I need you”. Probably the most heartbreaking quote (besides no nightingales/I forgive you). Sure, even after he said “nothing last forever”, he still needs Crowley not just because he loves him both romantically and in a name of friendship. Because Crowley is his other half of the what complete him and he can’t imagine being without him. Again, he would NEVER have went to heaven if it wasn’t for the fact he could take Crowley. He wouldn’t want to change him, all he wanted is to fix heaven for/with crowley and want to save the world with Crowley. In his own way. not even seeing just how problematic it is for Aziraphale where even after the shit they put him through and even AFTER, when they try to execute him with HELLFIRE. He choose heaven ultimately, regardless if Crowley was gonna go or not. He already made his choice to leave and he unfortunately had to stick with it. Losing the things he love all in one day. Especially now with the second coming going into motion. I don’t doubt that if metatron wasn’t in the elevator that Aziraphale would’ve had a heart wrenching sob, I’m surprise he didn’t even shed a tear still. Man these biblical bitches are going through it and it breaking my heart each time I think more about this.

This is probably my longest post I’ve ever made, I think mostly because I needed to get this off my chest. Granted despite this, I respect their opinions. I’m just giving my two cent on this. So I’m open to hear you guy’s opinion on this. I love this show and this fandom and I don’t think it going away anytime soon. Neil Gaiman and the cast killed it with this show and the story and I’m excited for what season 3 might offer.

But before I stop, I do wanna mini ramble about how at first I couldn’t be able to listen to Everday without crying. (I might make a post about it. Maybe. Let’s see lol.) and at first I couldn’t put my finger on it until recently. I know everyday is more or less Ineffable  bureaucracy’s song; but I also see this as Ineffable husband’s song. Why? Well given how season 3 might be the last, I do think this song is foreshadowing their relationship and how it getting closer and their love will surely come their way. A-hey A-hey hey (I wanna say more but I don’t wanna talk more than I already did lol. Hope you guys like this post and have a good omen day ^^)

[dancingwthedevil-if]

Dancing With The Devil is my first interactive fiction, but it’s not my main story. It’s what I hope will be a stress reliever for when working on my other stories become a bit too much. I hope to have the intro post out for at least one of them soon! Content Warning is at the end of the post, check it out before interacting/reading. 18+

Twelve years ago you and your band mates were at the height of your careers. Being on the cover of every magazine and headlining the biggest shows, and attending the grandest galas and parties were only some of the perks of being on top of the music world. You were born to be in the spotlight, and boy was it good to be treated and feel better than everyone else.

But life in the spotlight faded pretty fast. Now it’s been six years since you’ve disbanded and your life hasn’t been the same. No more shows, no more getting recognized every time you go out, and no more special treatment. Suddenly, you were no one and compared to how you were living then, well your life is shit.

And honestly? You’d do anything to have the amount of success again. Anything.

Unfortunately for you, a mysterious being approaches you with a deal of a lifetime. The celebrity lifestyle, the success, and the money? You could experience it all again for just one measly price: your service.

And when they call for you to do their bidding, you’d better be ready.

Get ready for one hell of a ride, rockstar.

Customize the MC. (Appearance, Gender, Personality, and Sexuality.)

Do your deeds to maintain your appearance and preserve your life force.

Be the lead vocalist and songwriter in the band and use your skills to spread the word.

Rekindle friendships/romances with any of the four romance options, plus a a secret/locked romance option.

Choices shape your route. Do you want to embrace your new dark side or is it all too much for you? Both possible routes comes with their own pros and cons.

The decisions you make can put you and your band mates in tough positions, and consequently determine your fates.

Multiple endings.

Ava Leveux, F, She/Her, 36, Guitarist

Ava is one of your closest and longtime friends, you relationship going back to before either of you met the others. It wasn’t really surprising when she was the only one that kept in touch with you after the band split. She’s always been a bit more laidback and levelheaded, and though the fame had its merits, it’s something that’s she’s long put behind her.

Daniel Mercer, M, He/Him, 35, Bassist

Despite the fact that he's not actually as talented as the other members of the band, he definitely has the biggest ego out of everyone. Add the fact that he can be quite hot headed, and he becomes one of the most annoying people on the planet. He didn't really end on the best of terms with the rest of you after the band split.

Hannah Landoni, F, She/Her, 35, Vocals

Her personality is as fierce and confident as her appearance; After the split, her charming and ambitious attitude made it quite easy for her to rebrand herself and be known as the “breakout star” of the band. And though her second chance at fame was a success, even she can’t ignore that the spotlight she does have is once again fading.

Ronin Sawyer, He/They, 33, Drummer

The wild and highly energetic youngest member of the band was never one to fear living life on the edge. With his reputation of being reckless and slightly dense, it’s known that chaos just follows him around. Even more so now, having no direction in life after fame and a constant need for a good time, it was easy for him to fall into a life of trouble.

????, They/Them

Intimidating, cunning, and very persuasive…

Dancing with the Devil is an 18+ horror themed interactive fiction with a hint of dark comedy. The story will feature strong language, struggles with mental health, consumption of alcohol, implied drug use, violence, mildly gruesome scenes, optional sexual explicit scenes, hints of manipulation, blood, and dark themes. Possibly more to be added as the story progresses. If any of this is off putting to you, this may not be the story for you. Play at your own risk.

DEMO TBA | ROs APPEARANCES | PLAYLISTS

[transpat]

been thinking about the thing you said a while back about pran falling all over again in ep 3 and you're so right... We literally watch pran become more starstruck, giving in to the inevitably that a pran in the vicinity of a pat will fall for him no questions asked

Plus how we see pran's version of repression plays out here too. Where pat's is all or nothing (pran is just a Dude that is There oh Wait I am in love with him and always will be) pran compartmentalises so well. Like, yeah he used to have a crush in high school and he'll think about it and reminisce a little because it's just a silly little old high school moment

And because he's compartmentalised so well, everything before he admits to having a crush everything is Not A Big Deal - he'll save pat in his phone as Just Friend, they'll do their play fighting moment in that room in ep 2 but his reaction to that compared to his reaction to pat applying bruise cream on his shoulder in ep 4?

Idk it's just so interesting, they're such consistent characters.

(plus wai asking him if he has ever had a secret crush when he's trying to write Our Song is the same thing he asked Pat when he was trying to write Just Friend? ✨parallels✨)

(im sorry it took me so long to respond med school's beating my ass 🙏)

yeah yeah like all his reactions to pat start to change from ep 3 like he definitely still has a crush on pat but he was so chill about the rooftop and even the whole wrestling deal but then pat starts butting into his life and saving him again and again like he never stopped loving pat like there's no other way he could possibly feel about pat he falls in love.

no bc pran in eps1&2 is so laidback like his eyes turn fond sometimes but its always after pat leaves, pat leaves him stunned sometimes but he always recovers in time, he found out pat wrote him love notes and only cringed about it, no excitement or disappointment. and then by ep 3 we see him frantic about leaving pat's presence bc 'uh oh feelings', he'll go moony-eyed about pat and can't even shift his expression after pat's noticed and teased him, pat shows interest in ink and he gathers his courage to ask him if he likes her.

pat too has always noticed the effect he has on pran (probably why he so confidently went in for the kiss). its established right from ep 1 when he breaks into pran's room and says he doesn't want to fight and pran just stills and stares and pat panics and says it was pha. that's why in the guitar scene when pran keeps staring and staring and staring at him he tries teasing first but can't shake pran from his daze so again he ups and leaves. which i found so odd the first time i watched bc this is that same boy who keeps drawing up excuses to spend time w pran, to enter his space and now given the perfect opportunity he runs.

pran tries acting v discreet is normally closed off, but to ppl who really pay attention to him he's an open book. and those ppl are just pat and his mom. which is hilarious honestly like its not as if they're particularly perceptive but pran lies in the center of their universe and they have him studied in and out. which makes me think they'd really get along if it wasn't for. yk. but bc its this way, that similarity will probably lead to some childish rivalry btw them and wow this answer totally spiralled i'm sorry fslfsnl

but yeah yeah i love how much thought has gone into these characters like even things that seem insignificant or those that aren't spelled out are so so clear i wish i could write like that

[putonmyfavoriteshow]

10 characters, 10 fandoms, 10 tags ✨

Proceed with caution I get chatty!! Thanks @funkyliloboist

Luna Valente (Soy Luna)

My ultimate blorbo <3 but for real I relate to her on so many levels but especially with her adoption storyline. I rarely find characters that depict my feelings as well as hers regarding her adoption and it was such a surprise and refreshing take. Her s2 chat with Ámbar is by far one of my fave scenes ever on this topic. And beyond that I just love her optimism and kindness. She’s def more active and athletic than me and has way more of a bubbly personality. So I wouldn’t say she’s me exactly, but I do like to call her my daughter <3

Bia (BIA)

I love Helena a lot and think about her often, but I have a soft spot for my dcla lead girlies and I just feel that while Bia may be considered the coolest and laidback dcla lead, there’s so much more to her (I GET HER THE MOST!!! The baby sister energy it me it me). She’s also dealing with so so so much. And as I watched the series, I connected a lot with her grief and how she used creativity and friendship to power through difficult times. And I admired her for how she never made everything about herself but always went out of her way for the people around her.

Francesca Caviglia (Violetta)

Vilu is so close, but I think ultimately I choose Fran as my fave (I mean Vilu would too). There’s this scene in s3 where Diego comments on how much she loves her friends and how loyal she is and ugh that’s exactly why I love her so much too (preach Diego!!) She really just cares so deeply for her friends and it’s so 🥹 also her voice??? Girl can sang!!! Girl can perform!!! When she starts strumming that guitar and sings out her heart I am SEATED!! Plus like everyone on this crack show she can be an absolute looney tune and I love her for it <3

Kara Danvers/Supergirl (Supergirl)

First of all Melissa Benoist deserves an Emmy for her role. She embodied Supergirl in every damn way and I bow down to her. But ugh I just love everything Kara is and stands for. She’s everything I wish I could be. She’s what I strive to be. She’s everything. I’m very normal about it!!!

Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)

If Luna is my daughter, Lorelai is my bonus mother. This lady raised me. She was such a role model to me growing up and rewatching the series I still was just as enamored with her as I was as a kid. I just adore her sense of humor. I never take life too serious and she taught me it was ok to be my goofy self all the way into adulthood because you better have some fun when life knocks you around. Not to mention all her pop culture references. I wanted to be as cool as her soooo bad. (And I blame my coffee addiction on her)

Abed Nadir (Community)

He’s any tv fanatic’s fave for good reason. He perfectly exemplified what it means to love television/film/media and have hyper fixations. And he never stopped being himself no matter what anyone thought of him even tho he was always so fully aware of what people thought of him. He also just had the biggest heart. He loved the study group so much he saw them the same way he saw his favorite shows. And I just ❤️

Zoey Clarke (Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist)

It’s been a while since I watched this show but it was really nice to have a modern show revolved around someone my age that did such a good job of depicting what that looks like balancing all parts of her life. I also like that she’s more rough around the edges and introverted but still a very caring individual. Even tho unlike her I would LOVE witnessing everyone’s heart songs and music in general I loved experiencing that reluctant journey with her. I feel like she’s someone who I would click with so easily. (Also cool that she worked in STEM!)

Lemon Breeland & Wade Kinsella (Hart of Dixie)

My rewatch of Hart of Dixie was such a gift and my love for Lemon just grew a second time around. She’s someone I relate to the least but I just was so obsessed with her arc. And even tho she could be vain and cruel, there was also such a softness to her. And the way she grappled with the pain of her mother’s abandonment and proved herself to be nothing like her was beautiful to watch. I love how damn determined she always was to fight for herself as well as those she loved.

I’m cheating but idc because Wade had a similarly amazing arc becoming the man he was always meant to be. I love that that he always did care for his father and the town of Bluebell. He played himself down and acted like he didn’t care but he always stepped up when it mattered and when he finally got the confidence to see himself as something more, he really became a better man and I was so damn proud of him.

(Also their unlikely friendship: iconic)

Winston Bishop (New Girl)

Every character on this show is lovable and funny af. But I just adore Winston so much. In the beginning they had such a hard time figuring out who he was going to be but once they channeled this puzzling Prank Sinantra bird shirt wearing cat lover it was kismet. And as absolutely bonkers as his character was he was still grounded and deserved his happy ending too. I love how he ended up falling for Aly and how amazing that relationship ended up being next to the more setup stories for Nick/Jess and Schmidt/CeCe through the years. I’m so glad they threw away their initial plans of him being a smug b-ball dude to just being the fun loving Furguson dad we know and love.

Tagging whoever feels like it 🤪

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I’m sorry, but can I just go on a little rant about the Louis, clouis, and the Clem comic...? 

I didn’t really talk about Louis in my overall review of the comic because I wanted that to be more contained to the content shown on the pages, Clementine’s relationship with AJ, and her as a character.... but the more I think about these comics and Louis, the more frustrated I become thinking about what Clementine abandoning everyone would do to him. 

[... okay it’s not little anymore since I guess I can never just do anything simple when it comes to Louis, sorry my bad]

So, no surprise, we all know the comic’s bullshit by now. Clementine leaving everything and everyone behind because she’s not happy is dumb, AJ just letting her go is dumb, and Clem going to the mountains on crutches and a peg leg to find this so-called happiness is dumb. 

Now that we’ve established it’s dumb, I wanna talk about Louis because I got a lot of built up feelings about how bullshit this storyline is with how Clementine would not only abandon AJ, but also abandon Louis. 

Because let me tell you..... his heart would be broken beyond repair and I need to talk about why.

Sigh.... so.... muh boy. 

Before he met Clementine, Louis was this laidback, irresponsible, but caring and musical person who kept his head down to avoid conflict and never looked at the future. He was the kind of person who took things one day at a time, saw survival as a day-to-day task, and said that the future doesn’t exist, there’s only today. You get the point, he was never too concerned with things because they always seemed to work out, and if they didn’t, then that sucks and that’s why we should appreciate every day while we have it. 

Louis is shown to be charismatic and friendly, he spends his free time playing piano and card games, but no one really takes him seriously. Not even Marlon, his best friend for 8+ years. While he doesn’t seem to be on bad terms with anyone [including Aasim, they just act like people who disagree with the other’s point of view and have had the same argument many times, but that doesn’t mean they hate each other, y’know?] he also doesn’t appear super close with anyone outside of Marlon and possibly Violet, but even then. 

Marlon’s shown to have little faith in him with the way he talks about if Louis will even show up to hunt. He has a controlling grip on Louis that’s prominent during the confrontation scene when he uses intimidation to try to convince Louis to not interfere. Oh, and there’s the fact that Marlon’s been lying to Louis for the past year about the twins and then continued to lie to his face about what really happened to Brody... which isn’t great when you consider how Louis was the only one who had blind faith in him as a leader and, according to Marlon, was the only one who couldn’t see how pathetic he always was. 

Violet, while having a few more nicer moments with him than Marlon, still invalidates him and his feelings several times throughout the first half of the game which makes me wonder how close they ever were, or at least if Violet ever considered him a close friend to begin with. And no, a small monologue in the dorms doesn’t make everything better or confirm they were brotp the whole time... especially when once they’re on the boat, Louis might as well not exist because Violet can’t be bothered to acknowledge what happened to him or inquire about how he’s doing. I guess she just didn’t have time react while standing in her cell for several unbothered minutes-- no wait, it’s she already reacted off screen. Right. Good writing is good.

What I’m getting at here is that even though Louis is surrounded by people who he genuinely cares about, there is an argument to be made that he’s a lonely person. Hell, he’s aware of his loneliness when he says that no one hears past his music and jokes. I mean, how many nights do you think he spent by himself playing the piano because no one wanted to hear it? Are they like Violet and crack jokes about how he doesn’t have actual talent? Probably, given that someone literally carved “you suck at playing” onto the side of the damn piano. 

Oh, and let’s touch on that backstory of his. Louis grew up wealthy with two parents who loved him and each other, and they gave him anything he wanted except singing lessons. Louis says he wanted to be a real musician. But I guess his father didn’t like that idea and told him no, with the [as Louis puts it] dumb dad lesson of, “You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” ...which is interesting given that Louis and his family were stupid rich but also.... were they not happy? well, that doesn’t make sense because little Louis knew that if he broke up their marriage, they would be hurt. 

So yeah, Louis was so upset that his father continually refused to let him take singing lessons that he broke into the man’s credit cards and faked an affair, which led to his parents divorcing... and then he spit his father’s words back in his face. 

Then they dumped him at Ericson. And the walkers came. 

There’s so much to unpack from the story he tells that it could be it’s own analysis, but basically.... Louis is aware of why what he did was fucked up, and he carries it with him every day. 

He regrets what he did, chews himself out for being such a “vindictive fuckhead” [and the amount of force used in that line tells you a lot, like how it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself like this] and he admits that he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about. Yet, he still sees himself as bad, saying that they [I assume the staff] told him and the other kids they’re bad people. I don’t doubt that Louis internalized that which played a huge role in the confidence and self-esteem issues he has during tfs. 

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but when you take that amount of guilt and regret, and mix it with the fact that they dropped him off at this school that was supposed to make him better.... then the walkers came and those teachers, staff, and headmaster? Gone. Left a bunch of kids to fend for themselves, with the exception of Ms. Martin [but given how she looks when we find her I doubt she lasted that long] and I cannot imagine how horrifying that was for all of them. The dead are up eating people, and if you die you become one of them... and the people you thought you could rely on just fucking left you to die at this school. 

Every kid in that school has trauma and abandonment issues from before and after the world went to shit, every last one, and Louis isn’t the exception here. Over the years, a lot of kids died and they’ve all seen horrible shit. They all knew they were never going to see their families again, and as far as we know, no one came to get their kids at the beginning. They had to find ways of coping while trying to survive, and all they had left was each other. 

Louis copes with music and games and jokes. He’s built up this persona where it seems like he’s unaffected by the comments the others make, that the death and suffering he’s gone through is in the past, that he is confident and open to those around him.

But then Clementine and AJ show up, and Louis grows close with both of them. They had immediate chemistry upon first meeting, he was the one who looked after AJ since it seems like everyone else saw him as a little terror, and he went out of his way to be kind and make them comfortable. 

When they go hunting with him, Louis and Clementine have a moment after taking care of the walker where they lower their guards a bit-- Louis gives her more in-depth reasons for his views of survival, and going off her expression, it gets to her and makes her think.... but they’ve know each other a day and he’s not quick to infodump his life story or let her in, so he cuts the conversation short.

Then we have the Marlon confrontation scene that I have gone over so many times in the past. I won’t dillydally with it too long but..... Clementine appeals to Louis, who curls in on himself because of the control Marlon has on him. He wants to help, and hell, he knows this is wrong but he’s so used to not getting involved that he gets defensive.... plus, he’s known Clementine for two days, and he’s known Marlon for 8+ years.... he wants to believe Marlon but you can tell he doesn’t want this, either. It takes Clementine talking to him to give him courage to stand between her and Marlon’s gun and it’s a lot.

AJ shoots Marlon and everything goes to shit, and Louis is a goddamn mess. His best friend was murderer right in front of him, so add that to the trauma list, and he’s overwhelmed with all these feelings that again.... they keep getting invalidated by Violet because “Marlon was a liar and murderer, therefore you shouldn’t feel bad about his death. Get over yourself, Louis, you can be such a shithead sometimes.” 

Oh yeah Vi, I guess he should care more about two people he’s known for a total of two days rather than for the safety of the people [including you] he’s grown up with and cared about for 8+ years.... makes sense. 

So yeah, little to no support during this time. Alone again. 

And just because I have to make this clear so no one gets a hair up their ass-- both Louis and Violet are wrong here. Kicking them out isn’t the solution, but neither is acting like AJ was right to commit murder just because it was Marlon.

 But plots gotta plot, so they get voted out and you can see that Louis is conflicted about the whole thing. He wants them gone, but at the same time, he knows what kicking them out means. You can see it on his face that he’s not okay with kicking them out. He’s hurting when he’s there in the dorms telling them how the vote went... he literally doesn’t know what else to do. He just knows that everything hurts, Clem and AJ caused it, and he wants the pain to stop. He even tries to justify it to himself by figuring that they’ve done this before so they’ll be fine. Not a great thing to say, Lou. 

Anyway, we know the story, Clem and AJ come back and Louis once again sees the consequences of acting out of pain.... AJ is shot because Louis was hurt and he made a bad decision that he’s gotta live with.... something that he’s done before, and this affirms to him that he’s bad. He wishes he could take it back, and goes as far as to admit that to Clementine during the archery scene. 

By the way, credit to him for his apology to her. It’s rare in these games that Clem gets a genuine apology from someone who hurt her and doesn’t turn around to repeat the hurtful behavior, y’know? Plus, I can think of plenty of characters who owed Clem an apology in the past or if they did apologize, it was half-assed. 

You can feel how conflicted he is with this whole thing-- learning who Marlon really was and what he did, feeling something for Clementine before everything went down and not knowing how to handle those feelings afterward, caring about AJ and understanding why he thought shooting was the best choice but still hurting that his friend is dead.... 

And the thing is.... Louis forgives her for so much, as she does him, and through all of that bullshit, they manage to develop that strong connection that turns romantic. Louis lets himself be fully vulnerable with her and is honest about his feelings, how she listened when no one else did and seeing him for more than just the persona he put on. 

This works on Clementine’s side, too. Clementine has been through her own fair share of bullshit-- trauma, abandonment, loss, injury, you name it. She’s made mistakes, done terrible things, and has been in enough groups to know that romance usually ends in heartbreak.... and yet, she’s willing to open herself up to Louis and admit she feels a lot for him. 

Is it a little rushed? Yep. Could it have been handled better? Of course, most things this season could’ve, but what we got was pretty good. 

So Clementine and Louis are romantically involved now, the raiders attack, and she saves him... and boy does Louis feel guilty about that one, too. He feels bad enough that he questions why she would pick him because he can’t fathom his life being worth saving over another’s. He doesn’t see himself as useful, and even though Clementine is literally his girlfriend at this point, his self-esteem is so all over the place that he can’t understand why she would have him at her side. 

And when Clementine tells him that he’s too important to her, he’s too baffled to even give a response. He looks at her in disbelief like he wasn’t expecting her to say that.  But this shows that at the beginning of their relationship, he still doubts himself, and through her working with him, he begins to build up that strength in himself. 

He becomes brave enough to share what got him sent to the school with her, and he plays Don’t Be Afraid for everyone at the party and like.... for once, everyone is listening to him. Really listening to him. They’re not talking shit about his musical skills, they’re not ignoring him or the feelings he’s putting into the song, they’re sitting there with him and I just..... if you watch him, you can see that his eyes get pretty glossy throughout the song. The moment meant something to everyone. 

There’s also the fact that Clementine asked him to come with her and AJ onto the boat, and to be the one in charge of the bomb... that’s a huge responsibly and he feels the pressure of that. He starts to panic a bit about if he can do it, because what if he fucks up? What if he gets them caught and makes everything worse? What if something happens to Clementine and he can’t do anything about it? 

She’s there to reassure him that she believes in him, and that he can do this. They’re going to get everyone back, and he needs to focus... then he asks her to slap him which why would you? that’s dumb, so Clementine smooches him instead and like.... he physically relaxes into her because he’s comfortable and trusts her in this situation. 

Also, he loves her and cares about this mission enough to cover himself and his fancy jacket in walker guts.... sure, he complains while doing so but how else is he gonna cope with rubbing rotten guts on himself to blend in with a herd of walkers? 

Skipping ahead so that we’re not here all day, I wanna talk about the walk back to the school because it’s one of the most important clouis moments in the game and a huge reason that solidifies why the comic is bullshit.

Louis went off on his own to go out and find them. He didn’t know where they would be, he just knew that he had to go out and find them after making sure everyone was okay back at the school because he couldn’t bare the thought that he had lost them. And the way the AJ gets so excited to see him? and the group hug??

At this point, Louis has grown so much as a character. With Clementine by his side to support him, he’s grown stronger and more reliable. Remember how he never thought about the future? Well, now he is because his relationship with Clementine has given him a reason to long for a future. He talks about building this imaginary house with her, one he knows they can’t physically build... but it’s his way of saying we can build a home together, that he wants a future with her and AJ and everyone else. It’s such a personal conversation that flows so easy between them. Louis is more comfortable talking to her about things from his past, which is something he didn’t want to do back in ep1. 

He confides in her how he’s feeling after he shot and killed Dorian, he tells her that having a home means protecting it and I just.... it’s so good, okay? And from Clementine’s side, you can feel how at ease she is with him, too. Just the way she smiles at him as they’re walking? like he’s the cutest thing and she’s so happy to have him with her? 

But then we gotta deal with Minerva’s crazy ass on the bridge and well, AJ shoots Tenn and Louis is having flashbacks to Marlon and it’s not great. That’s a whole thing, and he ends up separated from them while escaping.

We don’t get to see Louis’ reaction to Clementine getting bit and losing her leg since I guess that puts a damper on the overly happy ending. But, going off of what we know about him and what I’ve explained [which isn’t even all of it, this isn’t a full Louis character analysis. if it was, it would be much longer and in multiple parts... believe it or not, I’m trying to not make this too long and only sorta failing...] we can get an idea of how he would react. 

Um, to say he was upset is an understatement.

Because remember, he had no time to think and climbed over the fence, thinking he could get them to climb over and they could get away, but it didn’t work. He ended up leaving them in order to save himself since walkers were closing in on him.

But you know that he’d blame himself for the bite. A lot of, “if I had just stayed” and “I should’ve climbed back over, I should’ve stayed with you.” I’m sure there were points where it looked like Clem wouldn’t make it and I can’t imagine how much hurt he went through watching her suffer and heal from losing a leg like that. 

Not only that, but knowing that AJ was the one to do it? And him thinking about what Clem’s death would do to AJ after all this? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Louis would take care of AJ if she died. He cares about AJ, and he loves Clementine, so he be there for both of them, even if he’s still hurting from Tenn’s death. 

However, Clementine didn’t die. She survived the bite and amputation, and when we flashforward, she and Louis are still happily together. Louis is right there next to her at dinner, and he’s the one to help her with her crutches. He’s there to go over future plans to meet the traveling caravan, and Clementine wants him to be the one to go. 

Oh, and Louis once again forgives AJ for shooting Tenn, claiming that he understands that AJ saw something that he couldn’t. Like with Marlon, he’s not happy Tenn’s dead but he can see why AJ did it to save his life. 

I just..... happy ending. Clementine and Louis are together and she’s truly happy to have found a home for her and AJ with him at Ericson. 

....But then the comic thought it would be fun to say “nah.” 

The comic isn’t canon, I’m still insulted that it would ever consider itself as such, but even so I can’t help but feel so frustrated about how this would destroy Louis. 

He finally found someone he would consider his best friend, not just his girlfriend. She saw past that funny man persona and he trusted her enough to let her past this wall he built around himself. He let himself become vulnerable around her, he named his song after her. Their initials are carved into his piano with a heart surrounding them. He loved her. 

Clementine left him feeling loved, something he probably hasn’t truly felt since he was a little boy with his parents before their divorce. She loved him even after hearing his past because she knew that wasn’t him anymore, and she helped him build the confidence he needed to step up. Because of Clementine, Louis wants to enjoy every day while also looking at the future. He isn’t lonely anymore, he has her and AJ. He’s truly happy.

So to tell me that Louis would wake up one morning only to have AJ tell him that Clementine’s gone, she’ been planning an escape without telling anyone because she wasn’t happy...? I’m sorry, but if you think that wouldn’t leave Louis absolutely devastated, then you know nothing about him as a character. 

This idea is just.... look, Louis is perceptive. That’s a big part of his character, he’s perceptive of those around him. If Clementine was showing signs of being unhappy or depression, he would see it. He would notice a change. He would be able to tell if something was off, and he would ask her about it. Louis is the type of person to ask you what you need. What can he do to help? What do you need to feel better? And if you don’t know, it’s okay, he’ll help you figure it out in any way possible. 

Plus, the comic suggests that there are times where she went off on her own but came back [probably doing her escape prep ugh] and you expect me to believe that Louis wouldn’t notice that or wonder what she’s doing? Wouldn’t sense that something’s going on? 

After she’s gone, he’s going to blame himself for not being enough. He couldn’t make her happy and he was a fool to think he ever could. AJ lost the only family he’s known since he was born because Louis couldn’t help her, couldn’t do anything to stop her from leaving. 

And for him to realize that she didn’t love him? Clementine, the girl he thought the world of because of how strong and confident and in-charge she was, because she saw him for who he was..... she left him, abandoned him... and she couldn’t even be bothered with a goodbye.... that says that she didn’t care all that much about him in the end.

You KNOW that he would think he had this coming, too. How could the universe allow him to fall in love and be happy with someone who loved him back after what he did to his parents? He would feel so heartbroken that he would see this as some sort of karma for breaking up his parents happy marriage as a kid years before he ever met Clementine and before the apocalypse.

I fucking can’t.... I don’t have the words to fully explain how much I hate this. Louis wouldn’t be okay afterward, and I doubt he’d ever fully recover. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned before that Louis would stop playing piano. How could he sit there and play when I he can see is their initials and remember the night she confessed to him? When he named his song after her? Clementine left and took the music with her because Louis wouldn’t have it in him... something that he used to cope would be ruined and that’s just.... it’s fucking awful. 

Not only that, but now he has AJ who I assume is hurting just as much [though the comics inaccurately assume he would just let Clem go sooo... yeah] and he would be the only one Louis would really talk to about it, but then again.... what if AJ doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if AJ starts to act out and things just become terrible and Louis is just too overwhelmed? 

I just.... UGH. That’s how I feel. UGH. 

Clementine from the comic? Not her. She would never fucking do this to Louis, AJ, or anyone else at Ericson, and you would know that if you played the tfs. 

Sigh.... sorry, I just needed to get this all out. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Clem leaving would affect Louis and I’ve gotten some asks/come across some posts about Louis that have left me incredibly annoyed.... well, I was annoyed before because of the comics, so my annoyances with those things were only heightened. So yeah... I wanted to talk about Louis’ character in hopes of explaining why he would be so hurt if this comic was canon. 

Which it’s not. So it’s fine. 

How are we all feelin’ at this point, by the way? I know I’m not the only one still annoyed with the comic, so I hope y’all are doin’ okay. Hope you’re stayin’ chill and thinking about your faves to help cope with this mess hahaha

[prozd]

Bones of the Forgotten

For those unaware, when I was 12 years old, I used to write very gritty Mario fanfiction.  The only reason this exists is because we hit a charity milestone for Extra Life (which by the way you can still donate to here: https://www.extra-life.org/participant/450294)

I decided to write the sort of fanfiction that 12 year old me would've enjoyed writing, so here is my love letter to my youth.

A question block can come in handy in a variety of ways.  You just gotta know how to scrap it down.  Easily done enough with a precision focus Fire Flower blowtorch.  The first thing you gotta do is realize there's nothing bringing that sonuvabitch down; those fuckers float in the air forever no matter how much you push or pull 'em.  Instead, you gotta carve off pieces from it as it's floating up there. Awkward at first, but by the fiftieth time, it's fucking clockwork.

Melt down the pieces and you've got the golden goo perfect for crafting all sorts of nasty tools.  A bat made from question block has just enough lightness for a easy swing, but just enough density to still effectively break a kneecap.  A blade still won't pierce, say, a Chain Chomp, but it can at least pierce most Koopa shells.  Plus, some people just like the gold color; they think it looks sick.

I personally think the best use of question block goo is making bullets out of it.  They're denser than most others and they maintain their speed for longer. The only downside is they stand out if you leave them in a body at a crime scene, but that's irrelevant as long as you're cleaning up your messes properly.  If anyone had the time and resources to search the bottom of the sea near Rogueport Docks, I imagine you'd find a glittering trove of golden bullets scattered among the bones of the forgotten.

One of those bullets dances idly through my fingers as I listen to one of my subordinates, a Craw with the quite frankly unfortunate name of Garf, lament about his recent mistreatment by the Syndicate.

"Ishnail, they just stomped the shit out of us!  Gus and I, we weren't doin' NOTHIN' and those leafy fucks attacked us.  Everyone knows the Plaza's neutral territory, we gotta DO somethin' about this."

Craws get a bad rap, in my opinion.  They get labeled as savage, but I've always found them to be much more thoughtful than people would assume.  Even in this moment, as my eyes gaze upon Garf's tattered, bloodied vest and bandana, and his curved beak squawks in rage, I notice the slightest trace of tears at the very edges of his eyes.  Aw.

"Let me ask you one question, Garf."  Out of respect, Garf immediately goes silent. Again, thoughtful.  "Were you and Gus carrying your spears?"

"I......I mean.....we have to, it's part of Craw culture...."

"I'm well aware, but Garf, I'm sure YOU'RE well aware that no weapons are allowed in the Plaza.  I mean, at the very least, keep a goddamn gun hidden in your pocket, don't wave a fucking SPEAR around.  You're just asking for the Piantas to give you a beating."

I get up from the dingy sofa I've been lounging on and dust myself off.  "But I can't have Don Pianta thinking it's okay to fuck up my guys.  I'll have to have a word with the ol' mustachioed fuck."  I pat Garf on the cheek and wipe a tear away with my thumb.  He nods in appreciation.

I motion to two of my subordinates, a scrappy looking Goomba named Goomfrey and a laidback Hammer Brother named Hamma.  We step outside HQ and into the bustling, grimy streets of Rogueport's east side.  

As long as I've lived in Rogueport, it's always carried the smell of the sea in the air.  It's a welcome scent to me, having grown up in the Seaside Kingdom.  My mom was a Bubblainian; she raised me when my deadbeat Koopa dad left us, and what she gave me was the snail shell on my back and a love for the water.  Merchants shouting and the occasional "STOP, THIEF!" ring out as my muscle and I make our way through the Plaza.  We pass the gallows where the Shadow Queen's corpse was supposedly hung from one thousand years ago.  Fittingly gruesome lore for a city filled with murderous rat-bastards.

A sickly sweet scent starts to mingle with the smell of the sea and garbage I'm used to. It's an indication that we're entering the west side of Rogueport. Sure, it's a much tidier area than where the Robbos and I live; there may be fancy-ass things like "flowers" and "benches," how hoity-toity.  You can put lipstick on a Li'l Oink, but it still smells like shit.

We walk into Westside Goods.  There's no need for the customary password; Peeka, the Boo shopkeeper, knows why I'm here.  She opens up the back door, and we walk up the stairs in the back alley to Don Pianta's office.

"Ishnail, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Don Pianta stands behind his desk; as much as I hate to admit it, his presence is overwhelming.  "And you brought friends, too?" he notes as he sees Goomfrey and Hamma.

If you want to live long in Rogueport, every time you enter a room, you have to mentally gauge 1. the quickest way to escape, 2. who you may need to disable and/or kill to escape, and 3. how easy that's all going to be.  Two giant yellow Pianta in suits stand guard at both sides of the Don's desk. A blue Pianta in a white suit, the Don's underboss Frankie, closes the door behind us.  

Piantas are not easy to injure, let alone kill; I know this from years of tangling with the Don's gang.  The little palm trees and skirts would make you think otherwise, but Piantas are naturally built like fucking dump trucks and hit just as hard.  Hamma's a Glitz Pit fighter, and I've seen what he can do with that hammer.  Goomfrey gets underestimated for his species, but his reputation precedes him; he has bitten off more fingers than your average Rogueportian.  Still, a fight against four Piantas, even with my question block bullets, would be brutal.  It's telling that you never see a Pianta with a weapon because nothing will kill you faster than simply their own fists.

"Your men attacked mine, Don.  And for what, carrying spears?  You and I both know that's bullshit."

"My men....have been on edge.  Your little Bandit friends have been scuttling around, picking too many pockets they shouldn't be.  Keep that shit on the East Side where it belongs, and we'll be fine."

As Don Pianta talks, he habitually cracks his knuckles.  Out of all the Piantas in the syndicate, Don Pianta is truly a mammoth; his muscles are barely contained by the suit he's wearing.  Honestly, if he wasn't my ultimate arch-nemesis in this town, shit, I'd fuck him.  I like my men beefy.

"Alright, Don.  I'll tell my boys to keep their weapons out of the plaza.  You and I both know no one benefits if we fight in the streets.  Bad business for both your establishments and mine.  Let's keep things quiet."

"Agreed," The Don extends a giant hand.  I shake it firmly.

I turn to leave with my muscle in tow.  As I open the door to leave, I hear a whisper.

"Get your slimy shell outta here, you fuck."

I pause.  I give Goomfrey the look, and he smirks.  Goomfrey's eyes quickly dart and I know he's already memorizing every little detail about the yellow Pianta who whispered the insult.  Without another word, I close the door behind me.

---

There's one more use for question block goo I forgot to mention.  It's perfect for weighing things down.  

I breathe in the salty seaport air; it's particularly sweet tonight.  The golden bullet dances between my fingers; I know it's a bad habit, but it's fun to fidget with.  It'll go to good use though.  I load it into my Fire Flower pistol with a few others and carefully attach the silencer.

"Now, listen, uh...what was his name again?"

"Paulie," says Goomfrey, standing to my side with a grin.

"That's right, Paulie.  I'm a pretty patient person, I think most people including your boss would agree, but I've got a real sore spot about the shell, ya know?  It's just, it reminds me of my dear old ma, and I love her to bits.  You understand, right?"

There is no response from Paulie due to his crushed windpipe courtesy of Hamma's hammer.  Quite frankly, I'm impressed he's still conscious from the pain.  He looks up at me from his crouching position eyes filled with hate, his hands and feet encased in reforged golden question blocks.  Piantas are heavy, so four blocks worth is safest.

"I did promise the dear Don that I'd keep things quiet, so let's cut to the chase." I point the gun at his forehead and before he can react, I fire three shots.  There's no need to prolong this shit; I'm not a sadist. Hamma and Goomfrey pick up the body and toss it off the port into the sea.

"For what it's worth, boss," says Hamma in a low, pleasant baritone.  "I like your shell.  Looks good on ya."

"Aww, thanks."

[ginkgomoon]

Kiro’s Birth Chart- A Character Astrological Study

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRO 💛

It’s already the 9th where I am so here’s another super long post for our sunshine Kiro! Unfortunately I couldn’t go in much detail in the end as much as I would like because of risking very specific spoilers as I want everyone to have a chance of enjoying his own astrological study among the other boys. However, it is very similar to how I did my analysis here which had lots and lots of spoilers, so hopefully this will make up for the parts where I couldn’t expand on. So if you would like to read it to enhance your understanding and don’t mind spoilers, you are most welcome to have a read! I did also update it on just a few more things so if you want to stay updated on that post, you can have a read of it too! Again, if there is anything you would like to ask or need clarifying on, feel free to send an ask and I’ll try to answer with the best of my ability! 

What is Astrology? 

Astrology is the study of stars- the placements and movements of different celestial bodies to correlate what’s happening on Earth. It comes from the early Latin word astrologia. 

There’s a rule that we live by- 

As above so below

This means whatever happens within our solar system will ultimately affect us here on Earth. For example, the moon governs our emotions, and since our body is approximately 70% water, why wouldn’t the moon affect us too? But it’s not just us, it's the moon’s gravitational pull on the oceans, in the same sense, it’s also the moodiness you may feel during full moons!

There’s many aspects to Astrology, and that would normally be too much for a single post so I’ll be elaborating on the major contributions to one’s birth chart. This will include the planets and the signs. Kiro’s exact birth time is unfortunately unknown, but we’ll have to do the best with what we’ve been given. 

There’s the inner planets, consisting of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Venus, moving quickly within the chart. Then there’s the outer planets, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto, the slower moving planets. And of course, the different signs of the zodiac with different personalities. They follow the order beginning with Aries, then Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and finally Pisces.

Kiro’s Birth Chart 

Sun ☉ The Sun represents our character, personal identity and ego. Your star sign is also known as your Sun sign. It is the “you”. The “Self”. It shows your creative force, confidence, focus and our will to live. It’s the driving force of our charts in many ways, like how it is centred in our solar system. It’s the part of us that is the “adult”, censoring the “inner child”, and overall provides information on our vitality, and what we came to do.

Kiro’s Sun is in Aries ♈︎ Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. They have big personalities, with lots of charisma and passion. They are fiery, energetic, active, direct and straightforward as the first set out to start something and first to finish it. They’re natural born athletes and leaders, naturally inclined to get as much done. They’re not big planners of the future, as the most important thing to an Aries is the moment of right now. They enjoy vigorous, motivational, brave and adventurous activities, and love trying out new things. Like Geminis, they can’t sit still and need the feeling of being able to move towards a goal. They generally know what they want and the quickest way to get it. They enjoy a challenge, and are the happiest when life is active and always on the go. There's a childlike quality to Aries Suns, and often quite charming, too!

Kiro is a natural Aries. He’s fun, full of vigour and loves life’s challenges through physical trials such as the 10km run with MC, testing his mental strengths with his quick adaptation and problem solving skills as well as his empathic skills as an actor. Kiro as an Aries Sun is still undoubtedly humble no matter what, as he appreciates his fans and cherishing the moments with the people around him (plus food) and especially as he had suffered a lot when he was a child, why he would want to live life the fullest.

This is very fitting for him to be an idol as this creates more opportunity to travel the world and experience more that other people may not be able to have (and he’s so naturally good at it as well.) He can be stubborn and hot-headed, like having to perfect his craft and wanting to strive to achieve his personal best in everything as fast as possible with purpose and drive. This definitely contributes with the other planets in his chart. Kiro is seen to be the “Sun” to everyone, who is very charming and youthful, captivating everyone with his fiery presence. “Stamina is necessary on stage. During concerts, you still need to maintain the quality of the singing while dancing, right? In order to have consistent breathing and to ensure that I wouldn’t be fatigued during the concert, I have to train for a very long time.” -CN Dessert Date 

Although Kiro lives his life as an Aries, his other placements contribute to the deeper side to him that few know about. His hardships in the past enables him to become the passionate superstar we know today- not wanting others to feel the same pain that he felt. On and off stage, he can lead very different lives, especially when his moon is in Cancer. 

“The Kiro on stage and the Kiro I knew were two completely different people. His quiet, laidback persona is the warm fire on a freezing winter night. His stage-self is that of a regal king commanding adulation of the crowd.”

Moon ☾ The Moon in our charts show what your home is like, your upbringing, the relationship between your mother, the unconscious, your instincts and what you need. It tells us a lot about a person’s emotions, how they deal with it and how they express it to others.

Kiro’s Moon is in Cancer ♋︎ This water sign opposes the fire sign of Aries. The Moon is "at home" in the sign of Cancer, as the Moon is the natural ruler of the sign. They have a tendency to be caught up in emotions, with it guiding their actions more than thoughts. Cancer moons are never detached, seeking familiarly, security, and comfort for their home and the people around them. These are devoted and loving people with nurturing personalities. However, it’s easier to feel more insecure and have more mood swings with this sign in their Moon. Their unique outlook in life is something to appreciate, especially with their sense of humour and fun. Another thing is that these people can be very protective of themselves and others, unwilling to trade secrets, crawling back into their shell like a crab- as the crab is the symbol of Cancer. 

“Last time, there were numerous occasions when I felt I couldn’t create works that were good enough, and I’d start to doubt myself. I’d lock myself in a corner, and start having internal fights with myself.” -CN Inspiration Date

Behind the stage, Kiro feels things and experiences things on a deeper level than others, with a more mysterious side and life that rarely shows. Although he enjoys being on stage, he might prefer being behind the scenes a bit more, cosy and alone with MC. It can be easy for him to be swept up in his emotions, acting out on bursts of emotions and quick-thoughts. Cancers are also really good at reading and detecting lies from other people. They are great emotional comforters because they can intuitively recognise a situation well and how to help fix it. Kiro’s amazing at figuring emotions out and has done it on multiple occasions. 

“Are you upset about something? Is it because of the stuff online? It’s hard to just ignore it, huh? I know a lot of people would just advise you to forget about it, but how could you just forget about it?”  I thought Kiro would comfort me the way others did, but he didn’t. “Is there anything you want to do right now? Anything goes. Tell me.” -Movie Set Date

Kiro is also a great actor, as he can naturally be empathetic which effectively helps him in this. 

After filming, Kiro jogged over to me, boating about how he finished his scene in one take. “I could hardly tell you were acting. It looked so real.” -Movie Set Date

Looking into his eyes, I seemed to find a very different side of Kiro. A side that is full of stories, but a struggle to protect something, a side of him even more dazzling and brilliant than when he’s on stage. -Livestream Date

Mercury ☿ Mercury is the communication planet. When you write, speak, absorb information and how rational we are, you’re using your Mercury. It refines our Sun sign and helps define how we take in and give out information. It also talks about short distance travelling, governing your thirst for knowledge, your wit and negotiating skills. If someone is an excellent talker, it’s thanks to their Mercury placements.

Kiro’s Mercury is in Aries ♈︎ Being in the sign of Aries means that Kiro is able to make quick decisions, can be direct and straightforward in speech, possessing an innocent charm, and can easily motivate others with his enthusiasm. Aries Mercury don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to communication, and are usually frustrated when people don’t understand or are disappointed when others don’t accept their opinions smoothly. There’s a certain sensitivity and defensiveness to Aries, with personal attachment to their many ideas, such as criticism or negative feedback takes effect on a personal level. Though, they aren’t afraid of mental challenges, with the visionary intelligence that is sometimes on the idealistic side. It’s never going to be dull or short of ideas with them, because of their quick mental pursuits and adoptions of many things.

A thing so obvious is that Kiro is so straightforward with his speech and flirtation towards MC! Kiro doesn’t bother hiding his love and thoughts to MC because he can be so open to anything with whom he loves (especially Moon in Cancer, here.) He knows he can charm someone- without his evol! Kiro speaks with so much excitement and joy, and enjoys a little banter on the side, too.

“What’s wrong? Infatuated with me?” -Banquet Date 

“I’d be fine with someone taking a photo. It would be a great photo. Rowing with the person who I like.” I turned to stare. Kiro continued beaming at the lake, oblivious. The person he likes? Does he mean me? -River Lantern Date

“Your existence itself is a miracle to me. It’s not a line from a movie and it’s not a joke. It’s true.” -Miracle Date 

 “That was my confession to liking you. I like you – that’s for your eyes. I like you – that’s for your voice. I like you – that’s for your smiling face. I like so many things – can you tell the differences between them? -Whole Lotta Like Call

Bonus from River Lantern Date Both of our cheeks have turned pink under the sunset. MC: You’re blushing! Kiro: You’re blushing too. MC: That’s because I’m wearing blush. Kiro: Uh… I’m wearing blush too. MC: Wow, I didn’t know you were that kind of person. You’re just trying to find an excuse, huh? Kiro: Come on, so were you.

Venus ♀︎ The planet Venus is ultimately the planet of love, beauty, wealth, our material things and what we do with all that sort of jazz. It’s the pleasures, our sentiments, what we do for leisure and what we value. Grace, charm, creativity, entertainment are ruled by Venus. We can use this planet to see how we approach relationships of the heart, investigate our ability to attract and the attraction to others (or things).

Kiro’s Venus is in Pisces ♓︎ Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. They’re charming, playful, and appreciate romance especially the arts of music and poetry. Pisces Venus want others to know that their love is unconditional, as they love and accept everything for that their lover is. They enjoy tender moments and romantic times whenever possible. However, they fear hurting others and may even want to escape from reality from time to time.

It is evident that Kiro genuinely loves music. 

Kiro has his head half lowered, his lips moving from time to time along the harmonica. His expression has turned quiet, as though immersing himself in the world of music. Every time I see such a Kiro, I’ll always feel that he genuinely loves music with a fiery passion. -CN Memories of Summer Date 

He has written many songs about MC, including “My Treasure” (which I am sure was a no.1 hit worldwide) and the song they wrote together on Christmas. He loves to express himself through music, as he knows it can very well move somebody’s emotions. Pisces is a water sign, which can allow more dreamier, romantic and more soulful expressions worth capturing through the art of his lyrics and songs! He would communicate his love to MC in his songs, and through the romantic gestures that he does (like singing “I love you” in the Confession Date) it’s always fun when being in love for a Pisces Venus. Even though MC and Kiro may not have much time to spend together, they would always make the most out of it for those times they can.

“There’s a song I especially wish to write, and I really like the concept and composition. I want to try writing a song on understanding and interpreting the theme of “love” from my own perspective.” -CN Inspiration Date 

“I can remember all the important things, but it’s more difficult to remember the more trivial ones. But every minute and every second with you - I don’t want to forget them. They could even be left as family heirlooms! Next time, we’ll tell them that the box contains the dribs and drabs belonging to me and the cutest girl in the world. Each note records a story. And each story is an important treasure.” -CN Memories of Summer Date 

“I feel this will definitely be my best song. But, this song was created with you. And you are infused in every part… even if it’s just a few words, no matter how small it is, I don't want to share it with anyone but you.” -Quiet Night Date

“I’ve been writing this piece of music since the day I met you, but I was never satisfied by it. It's the song that I wanted to play that belongs to you.” -Heartbeat Date

Mars ♂︎ Mars is the go getter planet. Full of fire and passion, nothing would be done without it. It can give insights on how we can chase our goals and what our desires and our plans of attack are. Aggressive behaviour, lust and anger fall under this planet.

Kiro’s Mars is in Leo ♌︎ Mars in Leo individuals possess a strong need to create in some way, determined that their lives have not only meaning, but significant meaning. Passions run high, and so does desire as Leo is another fire sign in Kiro’s chart. Though they enjoy the pleasures of risk-taking, they generally have a strong sense of reason at the end of the day. Rarely will you find a person with Mars in this position who lives life without a true sense of a "calling”, as they have well-defined ambitions (like how Kiro’s Sun is in Aries). They act upon their heart, with their ego tied up with their actions, so that anything they do becomes a source of great pride and self-righteousness. They act with authority and power, and their personal magnetism generally endows them with the ability to get what they want. 

Savin told me that Kiro is deeply troubled. His new album is about to drop, yet he wasn’t satisfied with the first single. So he locked himself in the recording room (especially when his Moon is in Cancer, he feels things more deeply than others) and hasn’t slept for three days.  -Treasure Date

“This is a handmade guitar given to me by someone very special. I wrote my first song playing this guitar. He once told me that no matter what I do, I need to follow my heart.”  -Livestream Date

Kiro always does things wholeheartedly, especially when it comes to MC. In the Prayer Date, MC’s plans following the superstitions of how the couples staying together forever kept getting ruined and thought them to be bad omens. He prepared a surprise for MC which he tried to keep a secret from her. Turns out, he was thinking the same way as her too. Kiro always speaks from the heart, because he was taught to that way.  “It’s because of you that I believe in stuff like this. I did it all because I want to be with you. Always.” -Prayer Date

“I was once told that daisies can convey one's heart. The sea of flowers is what I want you to know.” -Flowers Date 

“I felt like… I had no direction. Everyone had high hopes in me and I was doing well but I didn’t know if I could live up to them. Sometimes I think, all those flowers and applause, were they really for me? And if I really did turn into a superstar, what would be the point? I’d still be… alone. But, I could find a flaw in anything. I thought they only liked Kiro the performer, not the real me.”  -Old Friend Date

Jupiter ♃ Jupiter is the largest planet, a gas giant, known to expand as the “benefactor” of our solar system. Everything it touches is basically blessed. It’s the good luck, confidence, joy, freedom and adventure that it gives to one’s being that it’s so well known for. Jupiter is where you seize your opportunities, take a leap of faith and count your blessings.

Kiro’s Jupiter is in Sagittarius ♐︎ As a Sagittarius Jupiter, Kiro attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, and practices what he preaches. These people can be inspirational, usually finding success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures. They can be philosophical, forward-looking, and enthusiastic to uphold their strong morals. Freedom of movement and expression is essential for these people.

Kiro is of mixed blood, and he is able to speak multiple languages. He’s a big influences as an idol, wanting to change the world with his passions and big heart. He stands up for his morals and expresses them in an open-hearted way towards those around him. It’s without a doubt that Kiro would be successful either way with or without his evol. 

“That day I made the wish at the shrine just like today. I rode the streetcar out and just happened upon this museum. After looking at all the instruments and stories, I suddenly felt fine. At the time I thought, nothing else was important. I was making music and that was enough. Since I was inspired by the stories here, I felt that I should use my stories to inspire other people too.” -Old Friend Date

“I want to write a Christmas song about love that makes people feel warm and fuzzy. My wish is for people to hear this song and recall the moment they cherish the most and be happy.” -Quiet Night Date

“I always believed that by putting my feelings into a song, I could share my happiness with everyone.” -Quiet Night Date

“I wish that you will always have the courage to bravely face difficulties and setbacks. I know you can. Whether you’re moving forward or backward, my songs will always be with you, giving you the courage and strength to keep going.”  -Heartbeat Date 

Saturn ♄ Saturn is the planet of karma, life lessons, hard facts and the challenges in life. It governs structure, our fears, work and self-discipline. Saturn is cold and calculating, however once the challenges and lessons Saturn have been mastered, great wisdom with great rewards can be obtained.

Kiro’s Saturn is in Pisces ♓︎ Behind the scenes, these people like to live in solitude, in contemplation, preferring to work alone. They even may be suspicious of the intention of others and suspect that others' innocence or compassion is insincere. They may not even like showing or feeling any sense of vulnerability. However, if they don’t fully allow themselves to have these very human qualities, they ends up limiting himself. In the process, however, they subtly convey to others that they don’t need kindnesses, compliments, and support, and they could end up feeling quite alone. In time, as they recognise how they may limit themselves and their experiences, they learn to identify with the vulnerable, messy, or chaotic side of themselves step by step, slowly but surely.

Kiro is actually very sharp with his instincts and his alter-egos off screen. This helps him execute tasks however may be detrimental to himself or his relationship with MC (Stardust Date). This sets a whole new depth into his other personas, including his idol persona. If you would like to read more in depth into this side of him, here is where you can read my in-depth character study on his alter-egos. (Warning- contains lots of spoilers!)

Kiro doesn’t want people to see the “imperfect” side of him, only wanting to be known as the Sun without the sun-spots. Since his real life and idol life being shown is different, the differences in them will reveal great lessons to master in his lifetime. 

“MC, I’m actually timid and childish. When it comes to things I don’t like, I’ll always think of hiding them and locking them up. I won’t see them. I won’t let other people see them. But if it’s you..” -CN Inspiration Date 

“When I close my eyes, random notes fill in my mind and I feel so useless! I can’t make any more music if I can’t break through this. With no music, nobody will like me. No one..” -Treasure Date

“If I have a dark side, I should hide it from others, right? Because, I don’t want to show you and I don’t want to disappoint others.” -Light and Shadow Call

 Uranus ♅ Wherever Uranus is in the chart, it’s where we want to break free, where we want to do things our own way, when you don’t care what everyone else is doing or thinking about. It’s where we express our ideals on freedom, innovation and experience great epiphanies. We strive for independence with the influence of the Uranus character. As a result, we learn to rebel, break traditions and authority. It shakes things up from our past and into the modern future. It is often associated with unpredictability, chaos and anarchy.

Kiro’s Uranus is in Aquarius ♒︎ These people are most interested in making changes, innovating, and updating traditions related to technology, community and individuality. They seek more freedom in or through these areas, and don’t feel the need to conform as they’re ready to rebel if need be. They’re compelled to break through some of the inhibitions or taboos related to cooperating, connecting, and interacting. Despite the need for progress, they can be very stubborn and set in their ways in these areas. However, they believe in openness to new ideas and free thought. Aquarius Uranus have a strong interest in new technologies, the power of science, and the importance of communication.

“At that time, I was actually a little rebellious. I was filled with curiosity about the world, and wanted to try everything.”

Kiro makes positive changes to the world around him as KEY in his mentor’s footsteps, exposing crimes such as an orphanage in the Heaven’s Home For Children Rumours and Secrets. Without a doubt that Kiro is on top with his technology, and is to be the unexpected surprise to MC when he reveals this persona to her. He’s been doing a lot of the behind-the-scenes work to protect and change society for the better, and with his intelligence and leadership, he’s ready to make history in whatever persona he chooses to hold. 

Within three days, this orphanage that was built on the children’s blood and tears was destroyed, and all those involved were caught. Many large forums were discussing who hacker Key was, but no one could provide an answer. No one knew over ten years ago, and still no one knew now.

Neptune ♆ Neptune is the inspirational planet of dreams, inspirations, soulmates, enlightenment and sacrifice. It’s all about connection with the universe and the world around you, however can have the polar effect of deception and illusion, along with disappearances of sorts. It can also govern your music tastes and influence on how you can inspire others.

Kiro’s Neptune is in Capricorn ♑︎ These people are discerning, wise, and sensible. Their vision of an ideal world may centre around respect for rules, order, responsibility, and morality. Needing to believe in the realisability of their dreams means that their fantasies usually have a very realistic thread to them. Energy levels may not be high when they don’t believe in what they’re doing, and inspiration is not easy to find in the first place. However, they can turn a dream into reality more easily than most if they persevere as their visions are practical and also doable. 

He is already a big inspiration to others as someone who is so out in the open in the spotlight with his own music that he writes. He believes in his passions, hard work and his higher purpose which is why he’s so determined to succeed in whatever he does. Kiro knows that his work will pay off in the end, which is also why he is so committed to making the world a better place- so that the world would be safer and happier place for MC. They met when they were children and they met each other again as adults, and we know that Kiro definitely feels very connected to MC on a deeper level and is committed to help her with her purpose (by disappearing himself? Neptune, wtf??) 

“Hearing this from you, I can rest. The company put in a lot of effort for this plan, and I must definitely showcase my most perfect self, and not disappoint everyone.”

As the light gradually dims in this cold winter, I can clearly see the seriousness and resoluteness in his eyes. -CN Winter Tour Date

“After looking at all the instruments and stories, I suddenly felt fine. At the time I thought, nothing else was important. I was making music and that was enough.” -Old Friend Date

Pluto ♇ A lot of astrologers still use Pluto in their reports. Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, and is not to be messed around with. It’s responsible for great destructible transformations and corresponds to the life, death and rebirth cycle. It’s the detoxing planet, for you to awaken and be reborn. It shows us where we can change the world, alongside right where we can go into the abyss of the cunning and controlling energies of Pluto. Its powers can be ever so subtle, however it can have the forces to trash you with the realisations of what you need to let go in order to transform. Think of it as the “healing crisis” moments that you can thank Pluto for.

Kiro’s Pluto is in Sagittarius ♐︎ They take beliefs and philosophy of life very seriously, more than most. They believe deeply in personal freedom and expression. Uncovering the truth can be a mission. They may want to watch for a tendency to move from one cause to the next or one project to another, perhaps as a result of this dissatisfaction or from inhuman expectations. However, their faith in humanity is strong, and they are moved and motivated by the positive vision of a better world.

Kiro is able to cultivate his own unique beliefs on the world based on his Mentor’s teachings with the hardships that he faced, alongside his determination to protect MC. Kiro executes his purpose in bringing positivity and hope into many people’s lives in all of his multiple personas, working in the spotlight and in the shadows. He believes in the greater good, such as having to leave MC so that she could save everyone, however, sacrificing himself and his freedom. Though this is one of the many things he values, he would do anything to protect the one he values the most- MC. 

And the one sentence to sum up everything-

“We shall stand in darkness as we defend the light.”

[blinkaftermidnight]

HI, DEAR! :-) hitting you with 4, 5, and 18. <3

Hi!!

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

On the rare occasions that I do outline (which I did for both and it's like our world but we're the last ones left and we're falling apart still we hold together, plus a few others), it's usually once I've realized the fic is going to be LONG, so I'll outline after I've already started writing the fic. Outlining typically scares me because I'm afraid my brain will be like "well, you just told the story nice job" and then I'll never write the fic, but the times I've done it have worked nicely. I hit the main plot points and add specific details I think of for each chapter, so I leave myself plenty of room to stray if I think of something better. I've overhauled entire chapters I've outlined before, so I'm definitely not afraid to mess with an outline.

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

I'm actually not that picky about where I write. I've written entire fics in my university's library back when I was an undergrad. I wrote fics during my law school classes. If I have a place to sit and a laptop, I can write, so I guess I don't need a perfect environment apart from having no one breathing down my neck lol.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Let me talk about the bathroom scene in chapter two of we're falling apart still we hold together, because I'm really happy with how that whole fic turned out. I really liked writing chapter two (which I wrote during my law classes lmao), even though I feel like it's very unlike what I usually write. I didn't realize writing fluff could actually be satisfying lol. I had a great time coming up with what Leah and Fatin would be like individually and how they'd interact with each other during their first meeting, which I knew had to spark something between them because obviously they get together in that fic before the island. Actually, the look I had in mind for Fatin in that chapter is my current icon, because that's one of the best pictures of Sophia. Anyway, as much as I love writing angst and this chapter had like none, Leah gay panicking and noticing way too much about Fatin while Fatin's being super cool and laidback was fun to write, and I think the whole chapter came out exactly the way I wanted it to. And who doesn't like the idea of a hot girl at your school spilling a drink on you at a football game and immediately hitting it off with you in a bathroom and becoming fast friends?

Send me a fic ask!

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Scene Stealers

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Seo Changbin

Warnings: mild language, they both go through a lot of angst, but I can’t resist making it better with fluff at the end.

Genre: Violinist AU; College AU; Friends to Enemies to Lovers (AKA the Golden Triangle)

Word Count: 4.5K

Summary: Y/N and Seo Changbin share a tentative friendship, but when it comes to claiming first chair violinist for their school’s upcoming orchestra, their reasons for wanting the spot might just tear them apart.

A/N: Shoot, I was kinda mean to Changbin, but it was important for the sake of character development. 

I had been playing the violin ever since I could first hold the instrument in my hands, smooth and luxurious paint glistening under the lights of my bedroom. It was the first time that I had ever fallen in love with something, and I passionately gave my heart and soul to the music I created. As a result, my entire life became consumed by my incessant desire to improve and rise high above the ranks of my classmates.

However, it wasn’t until I started university that I realized what competition truly looked like because everyone in my liberal art’s school was insanely talented. These were the same people who had also split their blood, sweat and tears into the pursuit of perfection. They shared the same aspirations, and their thirst for the very top was just as all-consuming as mine.

Ironically, our professor told us that we were acquaintances, first and foremost, and needless taunting and fighting would not be tolerated without serious consequences. But my classmates and I found ways around their rules, and the relatively harmless pranks usually sent strong messages to those who we perceived as threatening. Of course, there were also the occasional cliques that formed, and they usually consisted of like-minded individuals who knew that they could use one another to help their self-motivated aspirations.

But I never thought that I would join any of them until I met Changbin. 

Because he seemed just like another face in the crowd, despite being alluringly handsome. Yet, when he managed a score a perfect A+ on our mid-semester examination, everyone immediately knew that he was not to be underestimated. Interestingly, Changbin often kept to himself in spite of my classmates’ approaches. They wanted him to join their circles because it was better to cement your status by joining with the best that our school had to offer. Plus, it allowed you to keep a close eye on the competition, and I had seen my fair share of friendships destroyed because of a petty disagreement.

But Changbin never seemed interested in making friends, and I admired his tenacity, which might explain why I allowed him to sit next to me at lunch since our other classmates were otherwise occupied with their own friend groups. And I certainly never considered that he had any ulterior motives, until he randomly started a conversation with me. At first, I was taken aback by the surprisingly timid greeting that he extended in my direction, but I decided that Changbin was harmless.

You see, I never intended to extend our relationship beyond casual lunchtime conversations, but he started sitting next to me in class as well. I wanted to protest the sudden change until Changbin changed my mind because he was helpful with our menial class assignments, and he even offered to help me with my general education courses. It registered as a kind-hearted gesture that seemed out of place considering our highly competitive field.

But I accepted his help because I genuinely appreciated anyone who could tutor me through basic calculus, and he was patient with me, walking us both through worksheet exercises with a calm and steady approach. After that, I didn’t mind acknowledging Changbin as a friend since he was always considerate and helpful, and his personality naturally complimented mine. Where I was quick-tempered and active, Changbin was laidback and gentle. I balanced him when he was struggling to find enough motivation to finish his assignments (even though he was a certified genius), and he managed to convince me to take breaks from making hundreds of highlights in my textbooks.

Yet, at the back of my mind was a constant reminder: Changbin was still one of my competitors, and I valued my future far more his friendship.

Present

I could tell that something interesting was about to happen when our Professor walked into class for our morning lecture. He smiled at the rows of students beaming back at him in expectation for whatever it was that he might be planning. “Students,” he said, pacing across the front of the room. “We have our first orchestral concert coming up.”

There was an excited murmuring that swept through the classroom, and I turned my head to the side to meet Changbin’s excited gaze. “Are you ready?” he asked, and I inhaled sharply around the smell of his cologne.

“Of course,” I said in response before looking back at our Professor.

“Most of the positions have been decided,” he continued. “But we still need someone for first chair violinist.”

My heart nearly skipped a beat inside my chest at the advertisement, and I clutched tightly to the edge of my desk. “This Saturday, I’ll be holding auditions at noon. Don’t be late.”

I leaned back in my desk while doing my best to restrain my excitement. Our Professor had already commenced the beginning of his lesson, but I couldn’t focus on anything else other than the coveted first chair auditions. It was everything that I had been working towards my entire life, and I was consumed with ideas for my song performance. Should I go for something classical? Or would that be too expected? Perhaps I should create something original?

The ideas were endless, and I waited until the end of class before I started speaking to Changbin in a rapid tone, hoping that he might give me some insights into my unfortunate conundrum. “I don’t know, Y/N,” Changbin said, scratching at the back of his head like he was nervous about something. 

“You’ll come and support me, right?” I asked him. “I’d like to see you there.”

Changbin looked away from me. “Yeah, but I’ll be auditioning too.”

I immediately froze in my steps, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. “Oh?”

“I thought you knew that,” he said, chuckling at the awkward situation that we found ourselves experiencing. “I’m not really interested in first chair, but my father said that he would be pull me out of the music program if I failed.”

I blinked at him, feeling like the entire universe had just been knocked off-kilter. “I guess you’ll have to try, then.”

“We can always practice together,” Changbin said with a note of desperation. “Just like we always do.”

“Sure,” I said, but the lie sounded inauthentic even to my own practiced ears. “Maybe we can try to schedule a time.”

“Tomorrow,” Changbin said, and his stare was intense. “I can meet you after class.”

“I’ll see if I have a free hour,” I said, and Changbin looked surprised that I didn’t agree to his offer.

“Do you already have plans?”

“One of my professors has office hours,” I said in return, even though we both knew that I rarely took advantage of meeting my instructors outside of scheduled classes.

Changbin nodded, but I could tell that he wasn’t easily convinced. “What about lunch? We can find something cheap in the dining hall. My treat.”

I resisted the urge to sigh. “Rain check?”

Changbin scoffed, reaching out for my arm to hold me in place. “Are you really mad about the audition?”

“Of course not,” I said, pulling my arm free from his unexpectedly tight grip. In actuality, I was far more disappointed than I was angry.

“Y/N,” Changbin said. “I’m sorry, but I can’t lose this.”

“I know,” I told him with a nod. “But this has been my dream since I was eight-years-old.”

“I get that,” Changbin said, and I could tell that he was frustrated. “It’s a competition, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t hang out.”

“You’re right,” I agreed with a tight smile. “Maybe I’ll see you around later.”

I thought that it seemed casual enough, but Changbin was nothing short of incredulous, shaking his head at me before I watched him retreat in the opposite direction.

The Next Day

It was late at night when my phone vibrated against my nightstand. I let out a groan as I rolled onto my side to silence the notification, pausing when I realized that it was a text message from Changbin: there’s a party tonight, Y/N. You should come with me.

I frowned at the mention of a party, especially when it was such a random request from Changbin. He had never invited me to this kind of thing before, so why was he asking out of the blue? Especially considering our earlier argument from the previous day.

Maybe he was trying to distract me, I thought to myself, snatching my phone and sending a reply back to him: Not tonight. I have plans.

It wasn’t necessarily true since I had initially planned to stay in my dorm room, but I suddenly thought of something that I could do to occupy my time. And it would also benefit me in regards to the upcoming auditions. But then again, when I really thought about it, I realized that Changbin was a contributing factor in pushing me to the edge of full-blown panic, and I was suddenly anxious to ensure my position for our school’s upcoming performance. Likewise, when I considered the situation, if Changbin was going to a party, then there was a good chance that our other classmates would attend as well.

With that thought in mind, I grabbed my violin case from its position against the wall because I had just received confirmation that I would have the practice room to myself - allowing me the rare opportunity to improve without the others around. And that most certainly included Changbin. It was enough to get my heart racing, and I secured my coat tightly around my waist before rushing outside, inhaling the cold, crisp winter air as I found myself practically jogging to the music building. 

As I suspected, it was empty inside, and I turned on the lights and set-up some of the more expensive equipment that I wasn’t privileged enough to use outside of regular instruction. Satisfied, I sat down on one of the stools near the front of the room, tucking the violin against the familiar spot between my neck and shoulder, and I started to play with a huge smile pasted across my lips. Because this was when I felt the most comfortable, and everything was familiar, listening to the notes and chords form the beautiful melodies that had fascinated me as a child.

It was my favorite way to lose track of time, and I didn’t pay much attention to the late hour when I finished my entire set, pausing at the end of my performance to take in a deep breath. Was that okay? I wondered to myself, regretting the fact that I hadn’t bothered to record my practice run. Because it had become the best way to single out the little mistakes - whether it involved my irregular posture, or the slight hiss of a note that might go unnoticed by the untrained ear.

Whatever the case may be, I was too tired to revisit my prepared performance again, so I carefully cleaned up the practice room and stowed away my violin inside its case. Afterward, I took one last lingering look around the practice room before I was walking back outside. Thankfully, the building automatically locked itself behind me, so I knew that a Janitor had come by at some point, and the night was relatively quiet and undisturbed as I started walking back to my dorm alone.

However, any semblance of loneliness was quickly ruined by the unexpected vocalization of my name: “Y/N!”

I turned around, resisting the urge to roll my eyes when I saw one of my classmates running down the sidewalk. “Hey,” I said, keeping my tone inflectionless on purpose.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said. “I thought you might come to the party.”

“I had other plans,” I told her dismissively.

“Yeah, Changbin said that he invited you,” she said, and I froze at the mention of Changbin. “He seemed pretty upset about it.”

I narrowed my eyes because I couldn’t quite figure out why she would feel the need to tell me that. “He knew I was busy.”

“I guess,” she said as if finally figuring out that I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation.

I nodded tersely, jerking my head in the direction of my dorm. “I was on my way back.”

“Oh, right!” she said, shaking her head as she took a step away from me. “I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

“It’s fine,” I said dismissively, spinning on my heel as I continued the short trek back to my dorm room, and I tried to ignore how my mind seemed stuck on the revelation of Changbin’s dissatisfaction with my decision to stay away from that stupid party.

The next morning, I could tell that something was off with Changbin when I sat down next to him at our usual section. His gaze was cold when he acknowledged me, but he didn��t say anything as he continued flipping through the sheet music waiting in front of him. It was completely out of character, but I had bigger things to worry about, lending my attention to our Professor when he walked into the lecture room to begin our lesson.

However, at the same time, I was irritated with my train of thought because I found myself wondering about Changbin instead of the History of Mozart. It was a cumbersome predicament because I wasn’t the type of student who became so easily distracted. In fact, I once spent nine hours straight in the library researching for a project that wasn’t due until the end of the semester.

Get it together, Y/N!

“Okay, everyone,” our Professor continued. “We’ll pause here for a moment and you can discuss the Mozart Effect Theory with a partner.”

I immediately looked at Changbin who sighed as he allowed his pen to fall from between his fingers. “What do you think?”

I hesitated because his question could easily be taken out of context, and it could be applied to something far more personal than the Mozart Theory. “It’s interesting.”

“I agree,” Changbin said, and I could see his jaw clench. “I heard that you were in the practice room last night,” Changbin added, and his tone was strangely cold.

How did he even know that? I wondered, but I knew there was no use in lying. It had never even appealed to me. “I wanted to make sure my performance was ready,” I replied.

“You lied to me,” Changbin growled, and I decided that I didn’t like the way that he was talking to me.

“I never lied,” I said. “I told you I had plans.”

“To practice?” Changbin scoffed. “You’re the one who always tells me to that you can’t push yourself too far, but I’m beginning to think it was all some kind of plot to make sure that I stayed behind you.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “I would never intentionally jeopardize another student’s success.”

“Really?” Changbin questioned. “So, why was sneaking away to the practice room more important than taking the night off with me?”

His questions were becoming harder to answer, and there was a part of me that didn’t want to deal with unnecessary drama. I had always been told that I had an unfavorable personality, but it usually involved my inability to deal with these kinds of situations - when someone thought that my time was theirs to utilize as they commanded. Then again, maybe it was my fault because I had simply allowed Changbin to get too close, and I could easily rectify that problem.

“We were never friends, Changbin,” I said, refocusing my attention at the front of the room because the words hurt to vocalize aloud. “You should know better than that since we’re all competitors.”

“Is that what you think?” Changbin asked, and he looked at me closely, searching for something that I knew he wouldn’t find. “I’m sorry that I wasted your time,” Changbin concluded, and he returned to his work without another word.

On the day of the audition, I was surprised when I received a phone call from my mother asking to meet me for lunch before my scheduled performance. It was a breath of fresh air - a necessary distraction because my stomach hadn’t settled ever since I woke-up that morning. In fact, I was experiencing an onslaught of unexpected nerves that I hadn’t felt since my required entrance examination. Overtime, my confidence had steadily built to a healthy level, but the idea of the audition was enough to crumble the entire foundation.

But my mother’s smile was kind when she invited me into a familiar embrace, and I inhaled the smell of her sweet perfume. “Y/N,” she said, pulling away and looking at me closely. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” I said, and she gave me a knowing look before inviting me inside the little cafe that we had agreed to meet at for our scheduled lunch. 

“What would you like?” my mother asked as she stood next to the front counter.

“Whatever you think...” I trailed off, and my eyes settled on someone that I hadn’t spoken to ever since our cold exchange in class the other day.

The sight of Changbin sent another pang to my churning stomach, and my mother called my name when she noticed my distraction. “Is he a friend?” my mother asked, and I met Changbin’s gaze just before he decided to turn away from me.

“A classmate,” I said, and the words tasted bitter on my palate.

“Well,” my mother said, exchanging a few words with the employee behind the register. “I ordered us something light.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, jerking my head away from Changbin. “I’ve felt nervous all morning.”

“That’s not like you,” my mother said, and she gave me a concerned look.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind,” I offered as an explanation, and I made sure that we sat far away from Changbin at the other end of the cafe.

Eventually, my mother clapped her hands together when a waitress brought our food. It seemed tantalizing, and I took a bite of my sandwich before quietly sneaking another glance in Changbin’s direction. The action was automatic, and I was crushed to see that he was gone. “Are you sure that boy was just a classmate?”

I sighed because leave it to my psychologist mother to understand everything better than anyone else. “I don’t know.”

My mother offered me a sympathetic smile, and I watched as her hand enclosed over mine. “Tell me about him.”

“I think we were friends,” I offered hesitantly. “But I screwed everything up.”

“What happened?”

“He was mad because I decided to practice instead of going to a party with him, which is really stupid since we have auditions,” I said. “I mean, we weren’t really ever that close.”

“Are you sure?” my mother asked, and I groaned at the look on her face because I had seen it many times before. “Did you spend time together outside of class?”

“Well, yeah...”

“Doing what?”

I considered her question, recalling my first meeting with Changbin as something inconsequential. But afterward, it seemed that our time started to matter more, like when Changbin came over to my dorm in the middle of the night because I was panicking over a calculus exam. Or, when he took me aside after class because I made a dumb mistake and he reassured me that it would only make me stronger. And then there were the little things in between those moments - casual conversations during our classes and lunch, walks to and from our dormitories, and hooking Changbin on one of my favorite dramas that I liked to watch when it felt like the world was too difficult to manage on my own...

I glanced up at my mother, and there was a sad smile waiting for me. “Y/N, I think you’ve made a mistake.”

Her assessment was difficult to accept because I had spent my whole life believing that I couldn’t afford to make mistakes. I always panicked on anything that strayed from perfection, and my mind was stubborn and impenetrable when it came to the smallest of errors. And considering the idea of losing Changbin as a mistake? It was an enormous blow.

“What can I do to fix it?” I asked my mother, and I was startled by my own voice because it sounded so small and insecure. 

“That’s up to you to decide,” my mother said. “Some mistakes can be fixed in a million different ways, but some are so severe that you have to really think about the consequences.”

The nerves that I had experienced before were suddenly affecting me tenfold, and I knew that there was only one thing that I could do to remedy the worst mistake of my life.

Stage fright used to be a foreign concept to me, but when I walked across the stage for my audition, the heat of the overhanging lights added to the sweat glistening on my skin, and it seemed like I was experiencing tunnel vision when I managed to single out a familiar face. As such, I could see Changbin in the audience, watching me with narrowed eyes. It was a look that I never expected to receive from someone who was normally so quiet and reserved. And I couldn’t stand to know that it was because I had been so cruel to a man who had stood loyally by my side.

“Y/N,” my Professor greeted me warmly, shifting through the papers on the table in front of him. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I tightened my grip around my violin, positioning it between my neck and shoulder as I had done a thousand times before. But this time was different because I already knew the outcome, and there was a tremendous weight being lifted from my shoulders as I pulled the bow across the string with too much pressure. The accompanying screeching noise was jarring, and I could see some of my classmates flinching in reaction.

Meanwhile, my Professor’s mouth had fallen open in shock, and I closed my eyes and sighed. “Thank you,” I said, bowing in front of my stunned Professor before I walked off the stage.

It was hard to remember what happened thereafter, but I recalled ignoring the voices of my classmates backstage, fighting the crowd for the fresh air waiting outside. But the sunlight was the first thing that I really felt, and it was warm and reassuring against my skin as I inhaled with several, deep breaths. It was a beautiful day, and I found myself smiling as I walked over to one of the little benches waiting along the edges of the giant auditorium building.

For a moment, I wondered what my younger self would think about this strange turn of events. Surely, past Y/N would launch into some sort of tirade about how irresponsible I was being with our future, telling me about the “path” that we needed to follow in order to find success in life. And it was stunning that one kind-hearted boy, with dark hair and eyes, had managed to show me what it was like to appreciate something more than music. Because it wasn’t everything that life had to offer, and I really wanted to take advantage of the other exciting adventures that I had scorned in favor of longer practices or reading textbooks about the countless theories of instrumentals.

What a waste of time, I thought to myself, craning my head back until I could feel the pressure lessen in my neck. 

“Do you understand what you just did?”

I opened one eye, finding Changbin standing in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. My heart reacted to him before my brain, and I scrambled for the right words to describe everything that had happened. “I thought about it beforehand.”

“And it seemed like a good idea to you?”

“Considering the circumstances,” I said, giving him my full attention because he deserved nothing less. “I want our Professor to nominate Seo Changbin for the first chair, and I made sure that I couldn’t get in the way of what you deserve.”

Changbin was quiet for a moment, even as his arms fell to his sides. “You did that for me?” Changbin asked with eyes that were alight with wonder.

“Yeah.” I nodded, savoring a passing breeze. “It seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Why?” Changbin asked, and there a slight hint of anger in his tone that told me he hadn’t forgotten my dismissal of him from earlier this week.

However, I was calm when I answered him, like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. “For most of my life, I had this idea that there was only one future for me, and I needed to follow some kind of weird, strict plan...” I paused, patting the empty space on the bench next to me. Changbin hesitated for a moment before he sat down. “But lately, I’ve started to really hate that kind of thinking, and I hate the fact that I thought playing music was the only thing that could give my life any sort of meaning. Because it’s really not.”

“Do you believe that?”

I smiled at his innocent question. “Meeting you taught me a lot, and I’ve finally realized that I want other things in my life.”

It was a solemn declaration, and when Changbin looked at me, I knew that it was true. “Like...friends?”

“Yeah, friends,” I agreed, knocking my shoulder against his. “I also want to be a better version of myself. Someone who’s less obsessed with perfection.”

“You want me to think that I’m responsible for this epiphany?” Changbin asked, and his accompanying laugh filled my heart with a bright feeling of happiness.

“It starts with you,” I admitted. “I want you to ace that audition.”

“Well, after hearing all of that...” Changbin trailed off, and he straightened his shoulders. “I have some things that I should tell you.”

“Me?” I repeated, giving him an incredulous look.

“You.” Changbin confirmed, and the way he wrapped an arm around my shoulders was nothing short of delicate. “I like you a lot, Y/N,” he confessed. “This whole fight...I’m glad that you seem happier, but I would’ve never let it last. I need to be around you, and I want you to understand because I’m hoping for something even bigger than friendship.”

I swallowed hard, processing his words. “What do you mean?”

“Something like this,” Changbin said, and I wasn’t expecting the soft fingers directing my head to the side. But I really could’ve never anticipated the first touch of our lips together - gentle and inquisitive. They were soft like the rest of him, and it reminded me of a velvety touch that was impossible to resist. “Look at me, Y/N,” Changbin requested, and I forced my eyes to open to meet his gaze. “Forget about competitions or cliques,” he said. “Let’s just make it Y/N and Seo Changbin. I think that might benefit us both.”

I laughed at his explanation, but there was nothing humorous about the affection in his dark gaze or the beautiful intimacy that could only be shared between two people who had finally made their peace with the union of our two very different souls.