#is 1) learning to not care about others judging you at all and 2) treat everyone w respect regardless

[hshouse]

Why would you comment on someone else’s pregnancy choices. Firstly it may not have been intentional, secondly she may have very good reasons to have another baby now instead of later. I love your blog but sometimes you’re so judgmental for no reason?

I’m judgmental always****. What I said is medically true. Getting pregnant less than 18 months apart is not good for the woman. That’s a fact. You can’t be offended by a fact. Did I say she is a dumb bitch that needs to die for her choice? ✨ no. I said it is not a good thing for your body. I am a genz but I am VERY against making true facts something that you can be offended over. Also since when can we not comment on decisions of famous people? thats kinda ALL we do in this website. like literally we spend the whole day giving opinions on things we have no reason to share.

[persevereforahappyending]

A Legacies Secret |5|

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: You just wanted a happy life with your girlfriend but then Ghostface attacks, revealing long thought to be buried family secrets.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.9k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Sam had held Tara as she cried, it had been a long time since she got a hug from a member of her own family. Tara almost forgot how nice her big sisters’ hugs were. She had missed Sam like crazy, she still didn’t understand why she left. Tara thought Sam loved her, even when she was struggling, she always treated Tara well, but if she actually cared she wouldn’t have left. It seemed like Tara’s entire family left her at some point, her only constant was you.

Sam was pacing back and forth in front of her hospital bed. It seemed after their emotional reunion; Sam didn’t know how to act now. Tara wasn’t sure how to act either, she was curious where Sam had been, what she had been doing, why she left, it didn’t feel like the right time to bring any of that up though. She was also curious as to why Sam came back, Wes had called her and she came as soon as she learned Tara was hurt, that had to mean Sam cared about her, but if Sam only came back because she was hurt then that meant Sam didn’t actually want to come back.

“So,” Sam said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You and Y/N,” she nodded.

That quickly snapped Tara out of her thoughts. “Yeah, we’re together,” she said, taking on an edge in her voice. “What about it?”

“I just didn’t realize you two knew each other.” Sam’s eyes darted around the room, but Tara could tell Sam wasn’t thrilled about the idea of her relationship with you. “How’d you meet?”

“School,” Tara glared at her sister. She really didn’t appreciate the fact that Sam was gone for five years, left without notice, and was coming back trying to comment on her romantic relationship.

Sam’s eyes snapped to Tara. “She would have been a senior when you were a freshman.”

“Yeah,” Tara rolled her eyes. “We shared a class, we sat next to each other, had to do projects together.” Sam let out a little scoff, clearly not liking the sound of that. “It’s not like we started dating then,” Tara snapped. “We were school friends and then became actual friends the summer after sophomore year when we ended up working together.”

“Oh, you also worked together?” Sam couldn’t hold back her humorless chuckle, the judgement dripping from her voice.

“Yes,” Tara groaned. “Liv and I got summer jobs at the video store. Y/N already worked there and before you ask, they weren’t like my manager or anything.”

Sam closed her eyes, tilting her head to the ceiling. Tara glared at her sister, she hadn’t even been back five minutes and she was already judging her relationship with you. Tara really didn’t understand what the big deal was, you were amazing. The judgement from her friends, from her mom, from Judy, and now from Sam was so unnecessary. All those people claimed to care about Tara, so they should just be happy that you were so good to her, that you loved her and expected nothing from her.

“Don’t you think they’re a little old for you?” Sam sighed. She put a hand to her head as if she was trying to stop an oncoming headache. Tara wasn’t going to back down; Sam was the one who wanted the argument after all.

“Two years!” Tara scoffed, rolling her eyes. Sam opened her eyes, raising an eyebrow at Tara. “Practically three, whatever,” Tara rolled her eyes. Three years was hardly a big age difference.

“I know,” Sam let out a tired sigh. “You’re so young and they’re-where do they even work?”

Tara opened her mouth, the fire in her eyes was fueled solely by defending you. “The bar in town,” she mumbled.

“That’s just great!” Sam threw her hands in the air.

“It’s good money and they need to pay rent!”

“Oh, they have their own place as well, that’s great!” Sam clapped her hands together.

“They’re literally the only person who’s always there for me!” Tara snapped, glaring up at her sister. She didn’t care how much she missed Sam, she would not let Sam say anything bad about you or talk down about her relationship with you. “Even before we started dating, they were there for me, every time mom…” Tara aggressively wiped the tears that had started to fall.

Sam uncrossed her arms, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Tara I-”

“The only reason they’re staying at that that shitty job,” Tara didn’t allow her sister to speak. “Is to help save money, so when I graduate, we can get the hell out of this town.”

Sam’s head snapped up, looking at Tara with wide eyes. “You haven’t graduated yet?” Tara’s eyes fell to where her good hand was picking at the fabric of the hospital blanket.

“Why do you think I’m still here?” Tara asked quietly.

Sam blinked rapidly, shaking her head and gave a little shrug. “I don’t-I thought maybe you were pushing college a year, maybe putting it off because of mom, or Y/N-”

“I got held back,” Tara snapped. “I had to repeat junior year.”

“What?” Sam breathed out. Tara was sure she would have missed it if they weren’t the only two in the room.

“Mom wasn’t doing great,” Tara’s voice got smaller.  “I missed too many classes.” Tara watched as Sam closed her eyes and slumped back against the wall across from the hospital bed. “My relationship with Y/N was literally the only good thing to come out of that shitty year. When they saw me struggling, they helped as much as they could, whether it was making sure I had a ride to school or helping me deal with mom, if I needed something, no matter what it was, they were right there.”

Sam nodded; she kept her head pointed towards the floor. “That’s very nice of them.”

“I don’t know what version of them you knew.”  Sam finally looked up, meeting Tara’s eyes. “But, the one I know, is someone who would take time out of their day to bring me food, just to make sure I ate, they would stay up after working all day just to help me get all my homework done because they knew I couldn’t have any more missing assignments.”

Tara ignored the way her vision began to blur again as tears filled her eyes. “So, if you’re going to just judge my relationship with her,” Tara said, her voice stronger than she ever imagined it would be with what she was about to say. “Then you can just go back to wherever the hell it is you’ve been hiding.”

Sam’s eyes were once again glued to the floor. “You really trust them,” Sam said, though it didn’t come out as a question.

“With my life,” Tara said without hesitation.

Sam nodded to herself before pushing off the wall. Tara’s eyes tracked her movements as she crossed the room and took the seat you had previously occupied at her bedside. “So, how did you two get together?”

Tara gave her a soft smile. Maybe Sam did miss her after all, maybe coming back wasn’t just because she got attacked, Sam didn’t approve of Tara’s relationship with you, but she was willing to accept it, she was actually asking about you. No one had ever actually asked Tara about how the two of you got together, not without a snide comment following the question at least, or there was always an eyeroll of some sort.

“I had a crush on them for forever,” Tara said, giving a small eyeroll. She thought you were cute from the second she saw you. “We were in photography together.” The class was usually filled with seniors because the teacher was fun, and most students didn’t have the previously needed classes before then, but Tara took nothing but art electives in middle school, so she was able to take it as a freshman.

“They didn’t complain when I sat next to them and they got stuck doing partner projects with me,” she continued. Most seniors would complain about being stuck partnered with a little fourteen-year-old freshman, but you didn’t complain one bit, you even listened to Tara’s ideas of what to photograph, you treated her just like any other peer.

“It was a yearlong class, we became friends,” Tara looked down at her fingers continuing to pick at the blanket. “That December, I turned fifteen, mom went out of town. I’m pretty sure she forgot what day it was, but she was very busy.” Tara shook her head, even after all the years of consistent disappointment she was still making excuses for her mother. “But Y/N learned it was my birthday after I was grumpy all of class, or at least that’s what they said.” Tara pouted; she still didn’t think she had been grumpy.

“That night she knocked on my door, it was the first time we saw each other outside of class.” Tara shook her head at the memory of her opening the front door to see you standing there, an awkward smile on your face as you shifted from foot to foot. “She brought me a cupcake.”

“What are you doing here?” Tara asked, her mouth hanging open as she stared at you. Out of all the people to be knocking on her door she never expected it to be you.

“Oh, I,” you said, chuckling awkwardly as you rubbed a hand on the back of your neck. “I know it’s your birthday and I-” you held out a little plastic container.

Tara furrowed her brow but took the little container from you. She opened the lid, revealing a singular chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing. She looked back up at you, her wide eyes beginning to fill with tears. No one had done anything like that for her before. Her mother forgot her birthday and the last true celebration she ever had was before her father left, before Sam left. Her friends offered to do things with her, Judy would offer to bake for her, and Chad and Mindy’s mom would invite her over for dinner, but it always felt like they pitied her, like they felt bad that none of her family loved her enough to stick around or remember her birthday.

“I-I know it’s not much,” you said, breaking Tara out of her thoughts. “Maybe it’s weird-it’s weird I did this,” you gestured to the cupcake, though your eyes were glued to your shoes, refusing to meet Tara’s gaze. “I just think everyone deserves a little something on their birthday.”

Making sure to be careful of the cupcake in her hands, Tara stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of you and flinging an arm around the back of your neck. You froze as soon as her arm went around you but after a second, she felt you slowly relax. You knew what it was like to be alone, your parents gave you up when you were a baby, you never even knew what it was like to have a family. Even though Tara didn’t know what it was like to be an orphan, she knew what it was like to be abandoned by her entire family.

“Thank you,” Tara mumbled before pulling away.

You gave her a soft smile, your eyes flicking down to the floor for a second before meeting her gaze again. “Happy birthday Tara,” you said.

Tara gave you a wave as you made your way back to your car, quietly closing the door once she saw you driving off. A part of her wished you had stayed but just the idea that you had gone out of your way to bring her a cupcake was enough. She took her cupcake to the kitchen, sitting it on the island before picking it up and taking a huge bite. It was perfect and delicious; Tara was going to make sure to do something nice for your birthday as well.

Tara smiled at the memory. You and Tara never talked about that day, the next day at school Tara went to class, she sat next to you, and it was never brought up. You didn’t make a big deal out of what you did for her, she knew it didn’t change anything, but it definitely didn’t help her crush on you. You were nice but she couldn’t even bring herself to classify the two of you as friends, you were just someone who talked to her in class, and yet you were kind enough to go out of your way and get her a cupcake when you realized she didn’t have anyone there on her birthday. Tara never forgot that day though, she knew you didn’t forget about it either because when the two of you became true friends you always managed to get her a chocolate cupcake and it tasted just as good as the first one.

“I didn’t see her after she graduated, not until the next summer,” Tara continued. “I was bored, mom was gone, so I got a summer job at the video store with Liv.”

“Where Y/N happened to work,” Sam said.

Tara nodded. “Ended up bonding over the fact that we were doing all the work while Liv would flirt with guys.” Tara chuckled to herself, she didn’t know how many times she and you were restocking movies and she’d look up to see Liv flirting with someone at the counter. “She would also give me a ride home when we got off at the same time.” Her car rides with you back to her house were her favorite moments of the day, she wasn’t stressed about work, or worried about her mom, she was just at peace with you talking about whatever new movie she had seen, you would listen as she rambled on and on.

“We became actual friends, and I still had my crush,” Tara said. “I would ramble to Amber for hours about her despite Ambers clear disdain for her.” Tara rolled her eyes, even before she got together with you Amber practically hated your guts.

“I wasn’t sure if she liked me back,” Tara admitted. “Not in that way but then on my seventeenth birthday I decided to take a chance.” Tara smiled; it was more like she was talking to herself than to Sam now. “We had a small party, she stuck around to help me clean up and I just kissed her.”

“You don’t have to clean up,” Tara said. “You are technically my guest.”

“And leave the birthday girl to do all the cleaning up?” you asked, spinning around as you continued to walk around filling a trash bag. “That’s just bad manners.”

“Thank you.” Tara grabbed a few more empty cups, bringing them over as you held the trash bag open for her.

“Anytime.” You looked at Tara with the same soft gaze you always did, wearing the same small smile you always seemed to have around her. “Oh!” you dropped the garbage bag and ran to the refrigerator. “Before I forget.” You rummaged around in the fridge before turning around, holding a little plastic container with a chocolate cupcake inside. A shy smile slowly took over Tara’s face as you made your way back towards her. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

You flipped open the lid, then pulled out a little box of candles from your pocket. Tara chuckled as you stuck one of the candles in the cupcake. You brought out a lighter next, lighting the candle and holding out the cupcake towards her. Tara shook her head, hoping her inevitable blush wasn’t noticeable. She closed her eyes before leaning forward and blowing out the candle.

“What did you wish for?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Tara gently took the cupcake out of your hands and sat it on the kitchen island. She looked up at you, letting out a shaky breath for what she was about to do. “For some courage and for you not to be mad at me.”

You furrowed your brow. “Why would I-”

Tara reached up, grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss. She felt your entire body freeze and just as she was about to pull away you leaned forward, eagerly reciprocating the kiss. Your hands found her waist, instantly pulling her closer to you. Tara smiled into the kiss, feeling you do the same as it went on for a few more seconds.

“We’ve been together ever since,” Tara said, smiling the same way she had the first time she kissed you, the same way she always did when it came to you.

“I can’t say I’m thrilled about your relationship,” Sam said. Tara opened her mouth, ready to go on a tangent about you again but Sam continued before she could get a word out. “But I’ll try to learn to accept it.”

Tara looked up at Sam, giving her a soft smile. “Thank you.”

Sam got up, opening the door to allow you and her boyfriend to come back in. You instantly moved to Tara’s side, silently asking her if everything was okay, not taking a seat by her bedside again until she gave you a small smile. You glanced at Sam who spared you a side glance before going back to talking to her boyfriend. Tara sighed, she knew it would take time for Sam to get used to you being around, which she would have to do if she actually wanted to be a part of Tara’s life.

[lasirenatarot]

“ LOOKS-MAXXING ” pick-a-card reading.💝

Your next glow up.

What can you do in order to have a big glow up?

Pick a pink 90s magazine cover:

—>Pile 1

Your next glow up will most likely be related to getting « in peace » with your s€xuality prior to glowing up both physically and mentally. What I mean by this is you will probably need to get rid of any self doubts about your looks, any shame around your $£xual side due to past traumas or for some the way you were raised, some may have been raised in a controlling or conservative family.

One of the ways you can make this glow up happen is if you really enjoy your life and what you do. Try to practice your hobbies more and work on bettering your natural talents, by doing that you may find your purpose in this world and this will lead to the biggest glow up ever.. for some it may lead them to their dream career.

Something which appears in the cards is that you may need to forgive your parents or parental figures for the way they treated you in order to reach peace within yourself and your physical body. Forgive yourself as well for not acting in the « right way » or not looking a certain way, this is the best you could do at that point of your life . It is all in the past.

As for a physical glow up: judging by the pictures shown on the cards that fell, maybe start focusing on a regular work out routine, focusing on legs, butt or whatever you feel like you need to improve. Updating your clothing style may benefit you a lot. Stop caring about what others would say and pick clothes which give you freedom of expression, be yourself shamelessly. Some of you who chose this pile may have some creative vision which they may have been scared to express - do it. Meditation may help with your « glow up » in some form as well. Try bolder makeup looks and outfit choices.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 1:

The vibes I get from this pile is totally Julia Fox as a persona,not only style wise. She’s unapologetically herself, maybe for some she’s a bit weird. But the main point is, despite people’s opinions and perceptions of her, she has always followed her own rules and expressed herself. Before she got famous she was a dominatrix, did a photobook, an art exhibition aand starred in a famous movie in which her character was inspired by her real life . All this happened because she was authentic,lived her life the way she wanted and followed her heart, exactly what u should do as well,pile 1.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 2

Pile 2, you’re going through or will go through a huge transformation.. luck will definitely be on your side and you may find out answers for things which you’ve always wanted to know about. ( it can be pretty much about anything. If we are talkibg about a physical glow up exclusively, you may learn some very good beauty hacks soon. It can be about makeup, diet, exercise, skin care, personal development etc.. this is a general reading so I cannot be exact but whatever your case is it will lead to a HUGE glow up. Two of the cards are talking about some « secret knowledge » so whatever it is it will be significant for you.

This pile is very different from the first one as the glow up that appears here is not just about one or two things in your life or looks, it’s about everything. The things you can do in order to glow up faster, pile2, is maybe start watching makeup tutorials and pay attention to new techniques or products you haven’t heared before, ask people for where they shop they may tell you some secret thrift store with really cool clothes which can uplift your style.. anything which can help you get this « secret knowledge » which appeared in the cards. Another thing I can say for this pile is: focus on manifestation, envision the changes in your looks or life as a whole you would like to have and act accordingly in your 3D universe in order to get to where you want to be. Positive affirmations and subliminals (as in subliminals I mean not the crazy unrealistic ones, but those about self concept, confidence and beauty in general) may also be helpful in your case.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 2:

The vibes I get here are Fran from “The Nanny” and Maddy from “Euphoria”. Fashionable, bold, colourful. Radiating confidence. Crystals, glitter, sparkle, feathers, bold and colourful makeup, everything of that sort. Do not dim your own light to make someone else feel better about themselves if they are insecure.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 3

Pile 3: I think you would definitely be bettering your financial situation sooner than you may have even expected, this may help you get a glow up. You would be able to afford nicer things, skincare, clothes, procedures etc.. If you’re not already on a path to improve your finances, then you would definitely be motivated to start working on this problem soon and be very committed on your mission of « glowing up » in every way possible. Physically, mentally, spiritually even. You will be finding yourself after a long period of feeling lost and unlike your true self.

You would become much more intuitive, confident and cut throat even, you won’t let energy vampires use you as they may have done in the past and this would lead to a more beautiful and healthy version of you, because you would not have to deal with others’ negativity anymore. When it comes to relationships you would not be satisfied with with mediocrity, you will be finally standing your ground and being true to your standards and what you deserve. You will be getting your justice if you’ve been mistreated in the past.

This pile has huuuge « femme fatale » « dark feminine » vibe. This may be the energy you will be channeling after you have your glow up. Doing classic makeup like red lipstick+ black eyeliner, black smokey eyes and nude lips combo might help you channel this energy that i am seeing here better. Wearing colours like: red, black, gold and nude might help you elevate your look. Also wearing jewelry, lace and high heels. Don’t be scared to embrace your « dark side » which you may have ignored in the past in order to fit in with the crowd.

May sound trivial, but follow your intuition and do what makes you happy, it will make you glow in ways which you have not expected..

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 3:

The vibes I’m getting here are as I said in previous paragraphes: femme fatale, dark feminine energy,monica bellucci core type of look/aesthetics..

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

That was all from today’s PAC. It was a bit different from previous ones and I myself did not expect it to turn out the way it did, but sometimes completely different information pops up in readings because someone needs to hear a certain thing.. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Leave a comment/feedback if it resonated, share and follow for more.

Thank you for reading!

- La Sirena💋

Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;

Photos are from pinterest; all credits to their respective owners.

[daskolas]

PAC: HOW WILL YOUR REST OF 2023 GO.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Ask yourself questions "how will my rest of 2023 go" and see where your intuition is taking you.

This is a general reading so it may or may not resonate with you

Pile-1 , pile-2, pile-3

PILE - 1

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: You're trying to get your life structured this month. You are making a timetable or anything to get organised or even just try to devote time to things like doing workout everyday, spending time with yourself. Some of you could be waiting for someone's text and are not able to sleep because of that. So don't worry about it. Whether you receive that text or not, it will depend on fate. You sometimes have to let things go. Rest of you are overthinking about your future a lot so remember that overthinking won't take you anywhere, put efforts and take care of your health. You could have some issues with someone about how they want different things than you. For, some of you, it is internal (especially for people whose initials are R, T, A, N). Expect something to change and it will be fruitful.

OCTOBER: this month is more about reaping benefits of the seeds you sow. You will be dating someone. That person will be flirtatious and dramatic. Plan your steps with an eye to the long term. Don't make decisions quickly, analyse pros and cons according to the long term. Have some patience because you never know when you will receive something good. Learn to understand when you have to listen to your heart or mind. This will come very handy this month. Do not feel trapped because you will be longer stuck in that situation. Plan what to do next step carefully. Trust your intuition. Especially, do some chakra meditation. This month is about making decisions, thinking and falling for someone.

NOVEMBER: you will be leaving a bad habit behind. That habit which was holding you back and making you feel trapped. It can even be a person. Try to bring fun into things. Do not do them as some chores but make them fun. This month you really need to believe in yourself and have some self love. A lack of self confidence can keep you back from getting what you want. You have to realise that you are powerful and you can take back anything you want. A journey is now complete. You will also get success. I am not getting a lot for this month but learning to love yourself is the main highlight.

DECEMBER: you will have a financial windfall in December. Expect to receive money and some person who will support you. What I am getting is that, carry a notepad with you and write down whatever ideas you are having. You will have to learn how to communicate effectively. If you are getting some good ideas then implement it. Review your past and present and see how far you have come. Do not hold yourself onto certain standards or judge yourself, do whatever you feel like and however you feel like. You can also go to someplace or even purchase a vehicle. You will realise your dreams and will go after them this month. You will also try to come out of your comfort zone and feel more optimistic.

This was your reading pile 1. I hope it resonated.

PILE - 2

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: you are not seeing something clearly this month. It seems like you are trying to ignore or take granted all the things you have and wishing to have other things. Many people who chose this pile are trying to manifest something important. If you will be focusing on what you don't have, you will not be able to manifest. Show some gratitude and see how fast things come for you. And also someone needs to hear this " A bright future is manifested through hard work and creativity." You will also feel satisfied from the work you have done. Many of you are afraid to take action even though you have plans and everything. So, take this as a sign and take some action. It will be great for you, if you will be fearless and pursue your dreams.

OCTOBER: you will get a friend with whom you can share your feelings with, without feeling any sort of judgement from them. You can feel a little powerless this month but if you realise how wonderful you are, then you will be easily able to overcome challenges. Leave people who are no longer serving you and align yourself with people who have high spiritual ideals. This month you will need to come out of your box and consider new and creative modes of accomplishing your goals. But you will be looking at the future with hope and optimism so that hope will make you do hard work. You might also question your plans but you will also come to the conclusion that your plan is not wrong but something else is.

NOVEMBER: expect to receive some good news. And you will also be able to be successful in your work. It doesn't matter if you are working or school but this month is great for you. If you are required to make some career decisions, then follow your passion. BE THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO. you will also be able to stop procrastinating and put efforts in your work. If you have to make decisions, then do not overanalyze it as you will be more confused by this. Reach out to others when you are required to do. Take advice from people. Some of you will feel like they are leaving some things behind so know that you are on the right path.

DECEMBER: I see that you are still carrying things which you should have completed in November itself. But listen to your brain when you have to find some solution to anything. There can also be some unexpected change like you have to move to another state or something but it will be sudden only. You will also be ignoring the information which is presented right in front of you because it will not be exactly what you want to hear. Don't be deterred by challenges. Know that a challenge is something which makes the things worth doing. You will also be able to manifest something and make good progress in some endeavours

This was your reading pile 2. I hope it resonated.

PILE - 3

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: you are going to take control of your life. Some of you are going back to school or even deciding to. You are trying to show more gratitude or forgiveness to other people. It's like trying out a new thing where you basically change your life maybe by doing different manifestation challenges or something. You might also do some more self- care like doing skincare, working out, eating healthy etc. This month is going to be great for you as you will be able to come in contact with your inner child.

OCTOBER: you are moving into a new direction. Maybe you are planning to start something new or following something which you always wanted to do. October is going to be great for you to take action as this month is about moving forward. But you could also question yourself, if you should move forward with this. You are planning things for a bright future and hence comparing traditional vs modern methods. You will also receive some good news. If you are doing something creative for free, then expect to earn something from them. This month will bring you lots of happiness but it will also require you to work very hard.

NOVEMBER: the good news which I mentioned above, looks like you are going to have a celebration in November because of it. You also are going to be cutting off toxic people or those people who are no longer matching your energy. This will make you feel alone and constantly overthinking about it. You could also be starting to question your decision, if that's the right thing to do. You might focus on worst-case scenarios. You are also becoming a lot focused on your career or education this month. It looks like you are taking back the control which you needed. You are also recognising all the blessings and being grateful for them. For some people, some person in your family might get married.

DECEMBER: you are going to be in touch with your spiritual side much more. Like you could start meditating for balancing different chakras especially the third eye. You are going to listen to your intuition or even feel more confident in that side. You are also going to give yourself proper rest like hibernating. Some self-reflection will really help you so much this month. You will also be hanging out with your small group of friends or the people you trust most. In October, i said about overthinking. Looks like you are going to let go of all the fear and worry this month.

This was your reading pile 3. I hope it resonated.

[sintember]

Sintember 2024 - Official Prompts

Throwback Thursday prompts have been decided, so here is the official list of prompts for this year! Plain text and flavour texts for each prompt are below the cut.

Innocence - What would you do to preserve it, what will be done to tarnish it?

You just let it happen - Bystander, victim or accomplice, perhaps you shouldn't have let it pass...

Fame - Intoxicating in its power, mesmerising in its influence.

Can't let go - Everything you've tried to, has claw marks in it.

Throwback Thursday #1: Coercion - Subtle application of threat, the brute force of physicality, or could it be someone’s will itself working into their brain?

I love you - I do I do I do I do I do.

Forgotten - And time moves on.

"You are beneath me." - How does the boot taste?

Horrifying concept, thank you - A small change in the world could be a nightmare.

Replaced - You aren't what you were. To yourself, to them.

Self-care - Why feel guilty for a little treat?

Throwback Thursday #2: Captivity - How long has it been? Does the sound of your captor getting closer bring fear or hope. Has it been long enough to become joy?

"Why won't you stay dead?!" - It keeps coming back to this, again and again and again.

"It wasn't me!!" - But why would they believe you?

Learning - Maybe some things are better left unknown

On Display - Like a product on a shelf, no hiding from the eyes.

Pick a Side - You're torn, of course you are, but the time has come where the only other option is to lose both.

"You came back?" - But is it too late? What's done is done.

Throwback Thursday #3: You weren't supposed to enjoy that... - Are they judging you? Really??

Well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions... - How inconvenient and unexpected and harrowing for you.

Tragic Backstory - We all know you've done horrible things to your OCs that you haven't put anywhere else. ;)

Ownership - Mine.

It's just business - No need to get all personal about it.

Revenge - A dish best served however the hell you want.

Magnum Opus - One's greatest work, one that will go down in history.

Throwback Thursday #4: Obsession - Love? Hate? Lust? Fear? Worship? Whatever the case, it’s all they can think about.

Too good to be true - And thus...

Cultivation - What does it take to make this grow, for a good harvest?

BDSM done wrong - Self-explanatory, really. :3

True Freedom - As always, write whatever you like~

[sagstelliums]

(Left to right) what’s your archetype?

Pile 1

I see that you are the student and thief archetype, I see that you may like to keep your knowledge to yourself and you like to play dumb or act naive. I see that you know things that can hurt others and people don’t expect you to know the things you do, I see that you’re good at seeing things in others that they don’t recognize within themselves. Sometime you can be codependent and sometimes your ego can get in the way of you learning important things. Signs- cancer/aquarius. Initials- N, O, Z, Y, V, I, G

Pile 2

I see that you have the archetype of rescuer and judge, I see that a lot of people depend on you and trust you. I see that people expect you to guide them or help them because of how knowledgeable you are, I see that you are very caring and generous without expecting anything in return. I see that you are very fair or balanced and you’re good at mediating, I see that you set an example for a lot of people and a lot of people admire you. You are very honorable in most peoples eyes and reliable, people know that even though you’re a nice person you can be strict sometimes. People can tell that you value structure and you like being stable/grounded, people like that you have a strong sense of justice. Signs- cancer/capricorn. Initials- P, A, W, B

Pile 3

I see that you have the archetype of lover and pioneer, I see that you have a lot of things you’re passionate about and you love hard. I see that you put you’re all into everything you do and sometimes you can be impatient, I see that you’re very devoted when it comes to the things you desire. You’re very humble and appreciative, you always find the silver lining in tough situations. I see that you’re good at solving problems and you dislike stagnation, I see that you may have a hard time staying consistent because of your lack of patience. I see that you may move on quickly and you accept change or transformations, I see that you may get a lot of attention in your love life and you have no problem moving on from people or things that don’t serve you anymore. I see that you may like to travel or you may move around a lot and you can find the beauty in anything, I see that you love exploring or trying new things and may get bored easily. Signs- Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, cancer. Initials Y, W, C

Pile 4

I see that you have the archetype of addict and angel, I see that you help a lot of people without even expecting anything in return. You work hard and you try your best to be a good person or treat others the same way you want to be treated, I see that you have a hard time saying no to external forces. I see that you help a lot of people and you have a hard time helping yourself, I see that people may not give you the recognition or attention you deserve but no good deed goes unnoticed. I see that you may appear to gentle or shy to a lot of people but you have a lot of inner strength, I see that you’re very nurturing and you may have spiritual gifts that you aren’t aware of. Signs- Taurus/aries. Initial- N, I, T, G, Y

Please watch my Sagittarius general reading on YouTube, personal readings always available

[leoascendente]

Messages from your guides 🦋

-Reuploaded and reedited old Pac-

Hi loves! Welcome to this pac about what your guides want to tell you. This pac is an old one I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. Take a deep breath before choosing your pile, take what resonates and leace what doesn't. Hope you like it 💕

Decks I used: Tarot of the Faeries, goddess guidance oracle, astrodices.

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

(Left-> pile 1/ Middle-> pile 2/ Right-> pile 3)

Pile 1:

Welcome pile 1! I see you've been very busy with a goal you want to achieve, maybe related to your job, studies, family, a glow up... idk what it is but it has took a lot of your time and energies and you might feel like you have lost some opportunities for yourself on the road because of giving too much attention to other priorities. This can be giving you some anxiety, you might be feeling exhausted and energetically drained because all the energy you've been investing, don't think you lost any opportunity or have lost time in not so important things, there are times when we think we have a great chance to do something but if the plan doesn't goes on it's because Universe has something better for you in store you haven't discovered yet, or simply it’s not the best time to make it and you must wait a little more to be in the perfect timing.

Your worries can be solved in a more peaceful stage than you are now, do something that helps you fight that anxiety and clear up your mind to take the next steps without any baggage. Go and take a walk on nature, give yourself an spa day at home or simply light an incense and meditate a few minutes, your mind needs rest and peace, so give yourself the time you need to recharge energies, you know you can't keep going on with all that noise in your head, the world won't fall down if you take a day off. Think about something nice to do for yourself and simply do it, we both know you need it and you'll be thankful with yourself after giving you that time, also if you could apply this self love activities as part of your daily rutine it would be great, like taking a day every week to do something that makes you happy and raise your vibration.

Your guides want to tell you that this is just a phase of your path and it will end to give birth to new chapter, they want you to learn to treat yourself in the same beloving and protective way you treat others and that’s why your guides make so much emphasis into self care and resting. Maybe you're used to to take care of others or being over productive but you are leaving yourself and your wellbeing behind and your guides want you to invest more time, patience and love in the way you treat yourself. Remember how strong and fierce you really are, you're full of power so take that leadership energy to determine where do you want to lead your life at the same time you give to you some time to relax and disconnect, a clear mind takes better decitions in life. Also, you have a big power to manifest, so positive affirmations could work very good for you at this moment, as a personal recomendation look in YouTube for positive affirmations while sleeping and play them at night, when we are asleep our brain is more receptive to this.

The astrodices tells you that you should be focusing into expressing your ideas with others and don't repress yourself, there’s a huge importance here in unblock your throat chakra to communicate yourself in a clearer and better way. You need to be honest with yourself and others, if you don’t agree with someone you have the right to say it and you have also the right to share your opinions without the fear of being judged, attacked or rejected, if someone gets mad over an opinion it’s their problem not yours always you are being respectful and polite expressing it. You need to socialize a little more, getting out of your routine and spend more time with the people you love, you really need this cozy time to gain strengths for an upcoming offer that Universe is going to bring you soon and you won't reject. There’s a new golden door opening up for you but you are not aware of this yet, would be good if you move the energies aroud you, it can be as simple as making excercise or dancing to move your own energies or maybe changing the furniture distribution in the space you spend more time in, try a little change so the energies can flow to you in a more peaceful way.

-Your guides want you to know that they promise you a great and bright future, and inside of you, you already know you're going to reach the stars if you propose to. The only thing that keeps you away from your goals is your own mind and perfectionism, so trust in yourself and your potential, allow yourself to fail and keep in mind that great things take time to come and for you, there are a lot of miracles about to come that you can even imagine yet. Btw, if you're having some economical difficulties just take time, keep strong by now because very soon the most random and unexpected solution will appear in your life, so stop worrying so much about that aspect, your needs will be supplied. You have made it until now and your guides want you to know how proud they are of you by giving you the blessings you deserve, be open to receive them. Also, to attract abundance the best key is to practice gratitude, make yourself a gratitude journal or simply list all the things you are thankful for, from a blanket to keep you warm at nights to a friend that worries about you, you’ll see how naturally blessed and abundant you really are.

Pile 2:

Hi, pile 2 and welcome to your reading! The number 4 has appeared a lot in your spread, maybe this number is important for you or it’s going to be repeating a lot, number 4 is related to spiritual protection and divine guidance. I see that you have lift some healthy boundaries around you to protect the important things for you, maybe you've been starting a new project and you have been quiet about what you're doing, idk what it is but I see you very protective about you and what you are planning for your future, like you really want this plan to work perfectly and you refuse to let anybody ruin your hard work and manifestations. You're doing the best for you and you know it, you are being more confident and you feel a lot more powerful but I must warn you that not everybody likes to see you doing so well, there's an energy of envy and jealousy from someone in your enviroment, probably a woman or dominant femenine energy that has some internal wounds that she is projecting onto you, so you're doing great by keeping your goals for yourself and not spread your victories with everybody, sometimes people that is vibing in insecurities and envy can send negative energy subconsciously to their object of desire, something like evil eye but not exactly evil eye, keeping money, career and love life private is the best protection you can make use of at the moment.

Now you are in a triumph moment so enjoy it with your beloved ones of the fruits of your labor, the people close to you that trully loves you will celebrate your victories by your side and will be glad of all the good you have achieved. Give yourself credit for all you have done to be in your current situation, maybe it’s the time to give yourself a gift for your hard and great work because you are doing amazing and you deserve a prize, something that motivates you to keep reaching goals. For helping yourself to attract success, your guides ask you to do more fun things and indulge yourself more often, you deserve to enjoy and have more fun, you are going through a massive glow up and you also deserve to see the admiration in the eyes of others when they look at you. You'll find out how many miracles happens in your daily life and your conection with your guides will make so much stronger, also this will improve your intuition and it will help you to see clearly when people has bad intentions with you to know when you have to keep your guards up, you’ll feel highly protected by your spiritual team and you'll see how people will want you to liked them, you are going to feel a new level of confidence you never imagined.

Soon you will get an unexpected invitation to go somewhere or do something different and you will feel very confortable with the plan, you will meet nice people and open up for them, you'll let your walls down for this new people entering your life to create new and healthy connections with others, something inside of you will tell you they are trustworthy and they will feel the same for you. There you'll find a soulmate, maybe a best friend or a love interest, it wil be different for each of you but will be someone that will bring so much joy to your life, I see this specific person is part of your soul tribe and will help you improve the best parts of you, so allow them to enter into your life and enjoy the unconditional love you deserve and are about to receive.

The astrodices tell you to be more adventurous and go more often out of your comfort zone, it’s the moment to release control and embrace the unknown, this will help you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin, also this will remind you how resourceful and wise you are and you ability to move driven by your intuition. It’s your time to have fun with life, to laugh and enjoy the blessing life brings you, to explore your creativity and to be open to new oportunities. Being logical, productive and grounded are great qualities but when we learn to flow and stop trying to control the outcome is when we receive the best ressults, work with assumption law and believe that your dream life is already yours, your future self is living it. Everything will be more than fine.

-Your guides want you to know that you are in a process of transformation, Kali appeared in your spread to tell you that somethings are made to live with the old version of you and they have to keep in the past while you move into the future. Embrace the changes of endings and watch the beauty of the new beginings with the eyes of a child, let yourself get impressed with the little miracles of life and how you are surrounded by them, I see you are more creative and graceful than you realize. Also your guides ask you to make a sacred space for you to recconect with your inner self when you get overwhelmed with your responsabilities, make a corner in your house where you can light some candles, play good music and relax from the daily rutine, you deserve to have moments of joy with yourself. As a recommendation, you should get a tourmaline, a Tiger eye or any protective stone or charm, to keep negativity away from you. Also, your guides wants to make you know how proud they are of you.

Pile 3:

Wow, pile 3, your energy is so soft and tender, I really love it 😍. I see you are very sensitive and nurturing to people (maybe Cancer or water vibes), you enjoy of making people happy and counseling and comforting them when they need a friendly help, you like making other people’s life a lot more easier. I can also see that you might be an empath or extremely intuitive, you have a very witchy vibe, when i connect with your energy, faeries and buterflies come to my mind, so I feel that you are a very special person and probably have some extrasensorial gift, surely this is my spiritual pile.

Anyway, your sensibility to energies and emotional states of other people might have opened the door to some narcissist people come into your life, you are so loving when it comes to care the needs of others that you can leave yourself in a second place for attending other people's feelings. Right now there are some people in your life that are draining your energies and are not leaving anything positive back, analize with a cold point of view who are the people in your enviroment that are always coming to you to solve their problems for them, for sure you'll find someone in your life that has this toxic trait with you. You'll have to act in a more selfish way ( I don't like the word selfish to describe this but I’m doing my best with my English), put yourself, your feelings and your needs as the first and most important things in your life and if someone is taking too much from you, just stop them, you deserve to be on a pedestal and treat yourself with the same kindness and love you treat others.

When you start limitating and setting healthy boundaries to this kind of people you'll see how your energies start to raise up and you will begin to feel better with yourself. Your ideas will clear up and you will start to see things with a wider perspective, being loving and nurturing with people that reciprocate what you give them, but also being gentle and aware of your feelings and when someone is hurting them. This can be difficult when you've been used to to take so much care of others, but when you start giving to yourself the same amount (or more if it’s possible) you give to the rest of people it's a transformative experience, like in pile 1, you deserve to feel the love you share.

The astrodices tell you that you need a change in your habits or routine, more self care is needed in order of your wellbeing. In the other piles the energy is really focused into success but this one is an expansive energy that emanates to others but leave a very little for yourself, like you are taking away things you like or want to do to please others. You got Venus, Pisces and the 6th house that talk about getting in touvh with your sensibility and befriend it, with pisces there’s also the message to connect more with your spirit guides, they are really close to you but they can’t interfere in your life if you don’t give them permission for the Divine intervention. You’ll be going through some kind of spiritual awakening that will make you more intuitive when it comes to negative people or enviroments, allow Universe guide you through this chapter of your path and increase the amount of time and love you invest in yourself.

Your guides want you to know that you are spiritualy protected, you have more guides than usual, so there's nothing to worry about, your spirit team is big and powerful. The ones that plant seeds of love in the world will get the love multiplied in the harvest, you have planted light in the hearts of the people that come into your life, appreciate those lovely attributes about yourself and don't let anybody darken this, you are full of love and it’s admirable how anybody can take that off from you. Work in your inner peace and wellbeing and set the healthy boundaries you need to protect yourself, in the higher planes there are a lot of spirits taking care of you so trust that they won't let nobody treat you in a bad way without paying it back. For connecting in a deeper sense with your guides you can take a minutes to meditate, light some rosemary or cover a white candle with honey and cinnamon to attract happinness.

[autisticwriterblog]

Izzy, Ed and abuse

okay, so I’ve seen a few people talking about Izzy and Ed, and it genuinely disturbs me that I’ve seen people deny that Izzy is a victim of abuse. By most definitions, physical abuse is categorised as causing physical harm to another person’s body with intent to hurt them. Some things, like punching Izzy for selling Stede out, or choking him for saying hateful stuff when Ed was at his lowest, whilst not acceptable in the real world, are perfectly normal reactions for a pirate to have toward a member of his crew, so I’m not talking about things like that.

But the toe scene and the early parts of season 2 are clearly abusive, and only by sheer character bias (framing Ed as someone who could never do anything wrong) can you look at the way Ed treats Izzy and not consider Izzy a victim. Izzy and Ed have had a mutually toxic relationship for a long time, judging by their interactions, but I personally only see abusive behaviour starting with the toe scene. And the abusive one is Ed. Which shouldn’t be a controversial thing to say, considering what we see on screen, and yet…

Even at the end of season one, we saw Ed cut Izzy’s toe off and force him to eat it, and it is confirmed in season 2 that he took two more toes. He is even about to take a fourth toe when Izzy reports that the crew refused to throw their treasure overboard, and Izzy doesn’t argue, much unlike in season 1, when he often bitched at Ed for his decisions. Now, Izzy just takes the punishment.

Things between them come to a head when Ed shoots Izzy in the leg, leading to infection, and the amputation of his leg. He even puts a gun in Izzy’s hand, directly leading to Izzy’s suicide attempt. And in the end, all Izzy gets is a mumbled apology and that's that.

I know many people don’t like Izzy, but do they not sympathise with him? I’ll be first to admit that I don’t like Ed and Stede (I used to, but season 2 made me dislike them more and more for reasons too complicated to go into now), but I feel bad for them when bad things happen to them. I got bullied as a child, so I sympathise with Stede in the flashbacks to his childhood, and I was horrified when I learned what Ed's father was like. I don't particularly like either of them, but I feel bad for them when they're suffering. Which is why I found it so strange and appalling that people who dislike Izzy seemed to find it funny when Izzy was crawling along the floor, or died a painful death.

Even ignoring Ed's treatment of Izzy, the way he treats the crew is abusive too. He overworks them, pushing them into three months of consecutive raids (assuming they did one raid a day), leaving them all so stressed that Fang seems to always be crying. He forces Jim and Archie to fight to the death for no reason other than he said so. He expects Frenchie to kill Izzy, and it is clear how terrified Frenchie is the entire time he lies to Ed. The whole crew walk on eggshells around Ed because they don't know when he'll explode again. Basically, even if Izzy isn't being mentioned (and he should for the record, because he got the worst treatment - and he didn't deserve it, despite that some people seem to think being mutilated is a fair punishment for yelling at Ed), Ed was still abusive towards the crew. During that time period, Ed is incredibly unstable. He wants the world to burn and doesn't care who gets hurt along with him. Which is why the crew still show signs of trauma after Stede returns. Because they are traumatised by Ed's behaviour.

I know that Ed is a victim of abuse, and I have seen people bring this up when his abusive behaviour is mentioned. The thing is, it's perfectly possible for a victim to become an abuser themself, because they're a human being and are capable of doing bad things. Yes, survivors don't have to become abusive (see: my mum, who was smacked as a child but never raised a hand to her own children, because she didn't turn out like her parents), but it can happen. And that is what happened with Ed. There is even a direct parallel between Ed's dad throwing a plate against the wall, scaring Ed's mother, and the scene where Ed throws a chair against the wall, making Stede visibly flinched. If you want someone to be annoyed with about this comparison, don't pick the fans who are just noticing something in canon - blame the show for writing Ed doing the same thing his abusive father did.

In conclusion, Izzy fans aren't just making things up. We're pointing out things that canon showed onscreen and how Ed's behaviour toward Izzy is abusive. I wanted to like Ed this season, but the way the show wrote him made it impossible for me to tolerate him, because he treated everyone badly and they were expected to just move on. I understand that Ed is a romantic lead, but perhaps it wasn't a good idea to make your romantic lead act so abusive toward his subordinates and then never show any real consequences of that.

[transparentkittenheart]

Thinking about how part of Astarions story is about empathy and learning about empathy?

Theres a big conflict about how it might not be the best idea to release all of these vampiric spawn. A lot of them will fall into a life of brutality, some will give in to blood lust, some will be bad, they will all make mistakes, and people will die, but I chose to save them because

1. They havent done anything wrong yet. And I wont judge some for crimes they havent committed.

2. I dont think it's right to punish ALL because some will do bad things. If there was one innocent person and one murderer on death row and I could ether choose to free both or kill both I would free both of them. The freedom of the innocent for me is worth more than the punishment of the criminal.

3. I want to give them a chance in the same way that Astarion was given multiple chances.

In act 3 Astarion says over and over again how the spawn in Cazadors dungeon are beyond hope, it would be a favor to them to murder all of them, they are mindless and worth more dead than alive. Which is very ironic coming from the guy who as a slave for 200 years was still so defiant that Cazador wrote about how he was the most difficult to crush. How in early access he says he would make a deal with Raphael, become a slave AGAIN rather than become a mindflayer and die. Wether he would admit it or not, overall he is so anti death and so pro hope.

If the player chose to treat Astarion in the same way he proposes to treat the other spawn he would be killed on the beach. It's when you tackle his self loathing that he gets to see that because hes worth saving, that others are worth saving too.

Post game Astarion talks about for the first time (probably ever) he cares for others.

You cared and loved Astarion so much, he gets to care for and love thousands of others at the end of the game. Instead of empathy being a weakness that hes punished for, it becomes what he does full time.

He really is the Radiant Hopeful.

[guardian5tiger3]

Mental health

+Advice & guidance from spirit

Pick a group tarot reading + channeled messages

*I may upload more groups in a new post later on.

Options

1

2 3

4 5

Group one

You guys seem to be the avoidant types more or less. This could show as you straight up trying to hide from your problems. You guys may have heavy resting periods most likely due to depression. This could make you guys stagnant in life and possibly hold onto things that do not serve you and or make you feel secure but that keeps you in an almost unhealthy comfort zone. This may show up as bad character. For a lot of you it seems that in some way your family has had expectations for you that which you feel you are not able to fulfill. You may feel lesser about yourself because of this and you are lacking individuality, or personal freedom to be yourself in some specific area(s). Im getting it's because you were made to feel like you can't be yourselves in these ways. So real talk. Spirit's advice. If you're already into this term then spirit is saying do shadow work, and what I mean by that is you need to go within yourself and identify problems like these, and you need to want to help yourself get better and do that so you can feel better , because life is not worth sitting around feeling less than. You guys really need to nurture yourselves, step up, take risks, go outside of your comfort zone because even though that seems tough it is well worth it when you come out of it on the other side of doing so. You guys I'm being told you all need to focus on treating yourself the way every good human like yourselves deserves to be treated, dignity, respect, and being told and believing that you do deserve good things and to be yourself. I'm really getting you guys should put more work into self care whatever that means for you. You guys if you aren't confident you need to build yourself up, take risks. Someone specific needs to try dyeing their hair. You need to embrace yourself for who you really are, understand that you're beautiful, and you are a gift to the world. There are other people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. And even if some random asshole judges you, fuck em. Carry that attitude maybe. Peace loved ones. I heard that from California girls 😂so one or some of you like that song?? Okkk 💚 good talk guys.

Group two

* I can sense some of you who are going to pick this it doesn't resonate, so sorry for picking Luna and misleading you, but please read some of this to make sure..

I feel like you guys don't know what it's like to be healed in the way that you should be. Like it doesn't even seem appealing so why even try? You guys. You need to think about this. You feel that way because you do not know what it's like. I feel your pain is deep. Some of you this isn't at base level mental illness this is trauma. Straight up. I feel a lot of you feel unworthy. Some of you don't know peace and you can't find it within yourself. A lot of you might not even notice this about yourselves but you're just holding on. To your sanity , you're holding onto trauma, stress, negative ideas put in your mind, whatever it might be. I'm not gonna lie this is a long healing process and I get that it's a big struggle. Some of you do work and try and it doesn't even feel like it makes that much of a difference. I feel like if that's the case you're not digging deep enough into what's really wrong. A lot of you find it easy to act happy so you don't get the help you need even from a therapist. This is self sabotage in a way. You need to at least let your guard down for yourself. Someone I channeled struggles to relax your muscles when you lay in bed. This is serious. I'm getting some of you feel that if you found true love it would almost cure you and they would take this all away. No. And even if it came in now it would not be true love and you all already know why at least deep down. You need to learn to stand on your own and be truly ok. So you guys even have me concerned. But good news. Spirit came through with some good advice and I even doubted they could do it this well. Well let me tell you all what you can do. You all must tap into the energy of love. You need to feel. I mean truly feel everything that you feel. I can feel you guys have love in your hearts. If you listen to that , every single answer is there. Anything you could possibly need an answer for , it's in your heart. As a healer myself , and I feel some of you are skeptical, but I have healed myself from horrible horrible traumas. At a lot of points this was all I could do and it's the only thing that could have possibly worked. Listen you guys you need to get serious about this. You need to be aware and catch yourself with every negative though, feeling, emotion, and you need to then tap into the energy of love and in your heart you already know what's wrong or right and you need to correct it. You need to nurture yourself. You need to think about what's wrong and you need to tell yourself things like that wasn't right it wasn't here's why , work things out in your head and be honest with yourself. And when it comes to grieving and negative emotions. You can't run away or they will stay unhealed. You need to feel them , be very brave and feel them, that is the truest , rawest for of strength. And trust me . They will eventually go away. I have been through some of the worst things and if you want to know seriously you can ask but there things I'm not going to speak about in caution of people sensitive to the topics but this was the only way to get better for me. Some of you of course can take psychedelics because I feel some few of you thinking about it and I need to tell you if you're doing it to heal you need to make sure that's what you're doing when you're doing that. Like go within. Think and feel ok. Don't just let yourself end up dicking around. Don't worry guys. I see you getting better. Not just at the very way end of healing but every major step I see you all feeling more relieved and more balanced within yourselves. It's going to take time. Please understand it's worth it. Another thing to note is if you're feeling like giving up understand the least you can do is take into account all of the other people that have gone through similar things, and if nothing else motivates you maybe true love can , so think , maybe you can help even one person like yourself and be the hero. Be strong guys. I love y'all. ☮️

Group three

You guys seem overwhelmed maybe overburdened and a lot of you might speak of this like yeah I got this this and that going on and plus mental health issues. So I'm saying you guys also recognize and feel that weighing you down. Ok. Well I got yall. I feel like I need to feel my heart for this reading so you guys I think you need to allow yourself time to feel things. Some of you can meditate but I mostly mean just feel all the feelings and emotions you have and feel your bodies , basically practicing mindfulness about yourselves. I'm getting for a lot of you the more organized you have everything the better you will feel. This could be school or work stuff , or stuff in your home, for someone in picking up on makeup for real. But it will definitely make you feel a lot better I'm really getting that. I'm getting that a lot of you guys aren't balancing out different parts of your lives as well as you should be. Some of you work too much. A lot of you might be like well I can't help that but here's what you can definitely do. You can remind yourself to be more calm and practice self care while you are working. You will then have more fun in your free time and won't feel as exhausted . Okay for some a vacation is needed even if it's down the street to a hotel or literally a day at a beach or lake . Also I'm picking up somebody should go to the theatre and watch a movie. Yep. But overall you guys need to go somewhere that will basically bring you some type of amusement or joy or something. I'm picking up on someone who wears their earbuds or headphones a lot. I love music it's my favorite thing in life but if you guys spent some more time working on your present, real reality Infront of you and shaping it how you want to be. For instance observe and decorate your bedroom , Idk. You will therefore enjoy it more and not feel the need to hide. That doesn't mean stop listening to music worst case scenario buy a speaker but I'm saying this because I'm being told you're using the earbuds as a form of escapism and that's not going to help you longterm.

I also see some of you having to manual do so much in your lives I don't know what I could possibly use as an example for this but it's like you're moving brick after brick and in reality like why the fuck are the bricks there in the first place??!you guys this couldn't be made more clear you guys just have to ask the right people or persons for help. You might need to bring some problems to somebody's attention because they shouldnt even be problems especially if this is a work matter but regardless of where it's happening this is true ok. So anyway for a lot of you some energy is taking form you and you need to learn to cut energies off from taking from you when they shouldn't be. Some of you feel like nobody will care or maybe believe you, and that's so not true but you need to speak really loud and really clearly about what's going on , if that resonates with you. Some of you need lights or more lights for a room. Fairy lights are always good :). This smiley face is horrifyingly funny so Im leaving it. Some of you need to laugh. Come on and break the ego you don't gotta be so serious.for some of you you still don't feel like this is going to solve what's going on, spirit is saying this is a matter of going withing and finding out what you feeling you're missing. This very well could tie into a destiny thing, and I personally don't like to give destiny readings cause... That'll mess it up. So it's up to you guys on this epic quest to find the missing piece of your heart. Ok I'm done. You guys have a purpose in life you maybeee don't expect but you're gonna go for it. Even if it's just a side quest. Alright you guys go enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or something maybe a good book or a movie and I hope this resonates and it helps. xxo💗💗💚

Group four

I'm already getting a lot about inner child. One thing I will say is I'm channeling that your inner demons are like your inner child it is just super out of control but we all started as children so hopefully that makes these things less scary in a way. physiologically yeah there are a lot of ways depending on the issues that you know it requires comparable types of nurturing. You guys definitely want to be free but being in that energy I see something blocking you forward in actually seeing something in an og pokemon game with ash getting blocked .if what I'm picking up on is how some of you guys see the world and your lives that's so badass. Nerds. Lol ok anyway. I'm being told to give you the advice to look at this like a video game. If you're being blocked it's because you're being faced with a challenge and you need to overcome that and you will also probably level up right. You guys are super dreamy like I don't know. You guys must be nerds cause I'm being told to guide you through emotional and mental healing in a rational way. I also see the universe giving you things like level ups or tokens or whatever like in any video game at the appropriate times ,so you must have manifested this because I do this too sometimes when I'm anxious at work I choose to look at it like it's a video game. That's crazy. So the universe operates for you accordingly. This group is teaching me a thing or two bout how things work. Some of you might struggle with anxiety though and you then at those times need to remember to bring it down to earth and breath in really deep a good few times as long as you can breathe in. I really just want to tell you guys people might judge you and make you think negative things about yourself and tell you even maybe that there's something wrong with you but there isn't. There's nothing wrong with you guys. But when it comes to whatever pain your feeling or whatever you're going through you can't hide from it or push it down forever. If you guys want a bright future you need to level up to where you're ready to walk into that. And that might mean facing yourself , which is the toughest battle of all if you ask me. But there will never be a stronger warrior than the one who comes out of that fully intact and better than before. Just remember what you're fighting for whatever that may be, if it's love or justice or peace , or to make evil disappear completely. Whatever it could be.im getting for a lot of you you are on some type of high horse though because of what ever happened in the past probably, but when you're alone you do need be real and honest with yourself and let your guard down. If any of you feel sad a lot it's because you have a big heart. It's a sign of something. You should try to figure out what around you might be making you feel like that that isn't right because it's your heart telling you something isn't as it should be. You guys are strong enough for anything that comes your way . Trust me.

Group five

I feel a lot of love towards you guys a lot for you guys your guides are here and they all wanted me to sit for a minute in peace and silence before doing this reading specifically after doing the other ones.

You guys need to refresh your minds a bit. I'm feeling for some you need to sort of change your trajectory a bit. I'm feeling like your ego selves are assuring you you're in the right direction somehow but there's something you're overlooking that you need to pay attention to.

I'm getting a lot of stress for a lot of you. It kind of feels like some of you guys you keep going and going and you're not moving in the right way or direction or something im getting what you're supposed to be looking at is going to feel a lot easier if you do turn in the direction it's in and go down that path. A lot of you guys for some reason are feeling resistant towards this for some reason it's almost like you're in some level of denial.maybe whatever y'all have been doing seems desirable and you don't want to change and I understand that cause I can feel the energy but in some way it's almost like stepping out of your comfort zone or taking a risk for something better and I understand it's hard to make sacrifices like that but I hope you take this advice to give it a try because just trying this is not going to be as life and death as your brain is making it out to be. You still have problems on the path you've been on and this other direction is offering you solutions. I just have a friend an almost identical reading to this and I bet you're here!! Love you ! I want you guys if this resonates to take comfort in that there's multiple of you going through this and I feel in my heart somehow you are all connected and Im feeling it's a lot of heart connection . I feel though that I'm going to break this into having a second part for a specific group of you so continue to make sure if this resonates or not

I keep hearing you guys are nearing the end of something. It seems that you guys are in some way resisting this ending or at least kind of sabotaging it in some way but you don't realize that this needs to take place in order for your desired future to come in. A lot of you guys I'm seeing should look into how to be more disciplined with your subconscious mind. This has been playing a major role as to why some of you have been in whatever more negative energies or stagnancies you've been in. Some of you need to learn how to not be defensive towards good things that come your way and this ties a lot into psychology I think if any of you feel inclined to look into that maybe. For some reason every ending is a bad one to some of you and blessings are scary. This is all about healing ,my friends. My phone is dying so I'm going to go. I wish you all well

[worshipper-status]

💙A General Guide to Taking Care of a Disabled Darling (From a Disabled Yandere)💙

Hiya everyone! I saw someone make a guide on this and wanted to add some more in depth detail as a disabled yandere so I can give you all the best advice on keeping and caring for your darling. Admittedly as someone who's disabled, nothing makes me want to be away from someone more than someone who is ableist so if you want to keep a darling with a disability it's best to be informed. I'm going to approach this as if you are in an active relationship with someone just because that's where a lot of my perspective comes from (as well as from the perspective of my personal disabilities) but if you all want any more advice please tell me! Anyways onto the list!

(Long post below)

1.) Research, research, research

If your darling tells you what specific conditions they deal with write it down. Remember it. Anything. And when you get a spare moment, I want you to pour yourself into research for that condition and generally how disabled people are treated. If you are an able-bodied yandere, you are not immune to ableism and that is the number one thing that will push your darling away. Learn everything you can about their condition. What may help one disability may hurt another. Also if you and your darling are on good terms don't be afraid to ask questions! Take note of what personally helps them. Good example, while hot water is known to help with joint pain and muscle aches it can be really bad for disabilities that cause light headedness and vertigo like POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) so knowing what you're dealing with can give you a leg up.

As a general note, try to avoid telling them to exercise, meditate, do yoga, go on a diet, etc. If that stuff could fix out conditions we already would have done it, and for certain conditions, it can make symptoms worse. Please listen to your darling on what they specifically need. Become an expert on every facet of them and their opinions on their disability. If you're reading this you're probably a yandere so it's not exactly like research is hard for us.

2.) Have supplies on hand

Being disabled and going anywhere usually requires some level of forethought, or effort. So try making it easier by having supplies on hand. Here's a list of stuff I keep on me at all times to aid with m disabilities when I'm out in the wild!

Pain meds of choice

Instant hot packs

Instant cold packs

Hot and cold pain cream (BIOFREEZE IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT WORKS SO WELL)

Electrolyte drink or drink mix with water

Compression items for different joints

Blood pressure reader of some kind (I use a fitbit tbh)

Headphones

Sunglasses (Sun is to bright, don't judge)

Fidget toys

My mobility aid

Now this is what I personally carry on myself. What you can carry for your darling is going to vary on who they are, where they stand in your life and what their disabilities are. (Note: If you know someone with POTS and they have a flare up, being able to provide an electrolyte drink during the episode may help get you on their good side, especially if they know you as someone they can rely on for that. Don't hold me to that advice all I know is I would probably marry someone if they did that for me lmao.)

Adjust to what they personally need. There's a lot of other items that could be useful to have on hand depending on what their disabilities are, such as different types of OTC meds you could grab, specific compression items, heart rate monitors, glucose monitors, vomit bags, incontinence products, if legal marijuana products, etc. It's all based on what they struggle with which is why step one is research. You can't build a medical supply kit if you don't know what you're trying to treat.

3.) Be their advocate

This is the me lecturing you about ableism section. Your darling whether physically or mentally disabled has to put up with a LOT of bullshit. Ableism is very deeply rooted in our society, so often you're gonna see your darling in certain situations. Strangers asking whats wrong with them, people claiming they don't have what they say they have, saying their faking for attention, saying they don't really need XYZ support item, etc. You need to learn to defend your darling the correct way.

It's going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation, but your best bet is shutting shit like that down. some stranger walks up to your wheelchair using yandere and asks what's wrong with them? Tell them your darlings medical history is none of their business. Someone says their lazy for using their supports? Stand up for them. Say they need these supports and being on a fair playing field with everyone else isn't lazy. At a doctor's appointment and your darling is AFAB and the doctor's trying to blow off their symptoms? Tell them what you've seen. Ask the doc what they would do if your darling wasn't AFAB. Tell them to mark lack of treatment in charts. Make the doctors cover their asses. You in these settings are your darling's biggest resource.

But also...

4.) Learn when to shut the fuck up. Don't put your foot in your mouth.

You (if you are an able bodied yandere, which is my target demographic with this) reading this, probably struggle a lot with being ableist and don't even realize. This is where listening to others is gonna win you a lot of brownie points. Sometimes, you need to advocate, sometimes, especially in disabled spaces with your darling, you need to learn to shut the fuck up and listen. It will usually benefit you greatly to not speak over your darling in these settings because it can give you a lot of useful info on how to deepen your relationship and also not be an ass to them. In the beginning, there's going to be times where you say hurtful shit. Move your pride to the side and apologize. You are not immune to having bigoted ideals. General rule of thumb, if your darling wants to speak first, let them, you can give input afterwards. And if they specifically tell you to shut up in a certain setting because you're talking over them, shut up.

5.) Okay now for the fun stuff. Love languages!

With people who struggle with disabilities, they may express their love languages in different ways. Acts of service may carry more weight if your darling really struggles with tasks. Quality time may matter more if they're bed ridden and bored out of their mind. Here is a very general guide of love language actions for disabled darlings.

Acts of Service:

Cleaning their room for them

Doing the dishes

Taking out trash

Doing their laundry

Making doctor's appointments for them

Taking them to and from doctor's appointments

Refilling and picking up their prescriptions

Quality Time:

If they're in a pain flare, keep them company, even if it's just napping with them!

Watch shows with them if they're struggling with doing anything that requires a lot of movement.

Run errands with them, so they can have help with difficult tasks like carrying heavy objects, or talking to customer service representatives.

If they're unable to leave the house but able to move a little bit, suggest video games, board games, or some fun low energy activity together

Go to doctor's appointments with them. Like be in the physical room. You'd be surprised how much it helps if your darling wants the assistance.

Words of Affirmation:

ENCOURAGE THEM

SERIOUSLY BEING DISABLED IS SO FUCKING HARD

THEY GOT OUT OF BED TODAY? PRAISE THEM!

THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A MEAL INSTEAD OF EATING ONLY DORITOS? PRAISE THEM!

EVERYTHING THEY DO REQUIRES MORE EFFORT THAN THE NORMAL HUMAN YOU BETTER FUCKING BE PRAISING THEM FOR THAT SHIT

Physical Touch:

Okay, gonna get the caveat out of the way, some conditions will cause physical touch to be painful. Find out from your darling if that's the case. Otherwise...

Does your darling struggle with hygiene? Do they trust you enough to be naked in front of you? Shower together. Not even in a horny way, taking showers while disabled fucking sucks man. Having someone to help me wash myself helps a lot. Bonus points if shower chair is involved.

Massages. If your loved one needs a lot of creams or ointments, put them on for them, work them in carefully. If they're more pain treatments, a deeper massage may also help work those knots out. Just be careful and be gentle and slow. Listen to your darling. Pay attention to their responses. Whether they're leaning into or away from how hard you're kneading. Just communicate clearly for this. Don't hurt them on accident

Cuddles. I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes, your darling will end up stuck in bed barely able to do anything. Cuddle them. Being stuck is so much less lonely that way. Also bonus points for nap time being a quality time thing.

Help them with "intimate" tasks they may struggle with. Showering together goes in this category but for a broader purpose, this category exists. Once again this has to have that layer of trust, but this is things like helping them get dressed, helping them feed themselves, helping them brush their teeth or manage their hair (PLEASE DO RESEARCH ON THEIR HAIR TYPE FOR THIS).

Receiving Gifts:

Help them pay for medical supplies if you can afford it. It doesn't need to be a power chair. If you want to just buy someone some ibuprofen, or a heating pad, or just like... some small item that may help them, I promise you it will matter. If they mention running low on a critical medical supply that's OTC and you have the money for, just buy it for them.

Buying them things that can keep them entertained in bed or inside the house is also a really nice thoughtful item.

STREAMING SERVICES!!! IF YOU CAN PAY FOR A SUBSCRIPTION OF THEIR CHOICE TO ANY STREAMING SERVICE THEY WANT. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO BINGE WATCH WITH YOU WHILE STUCK IN BED.

This one is a little more tailored to me, but if your darling is like me and appreciates monthly subscription boxes with surprise items in them, consider a "spoonie" or "chronic illness" box. They are usually pretty surface level stuff but the items in them tend to be nice and veer in the self care category so it's an option to consider.

Don't give them "Get well soon cards" unless you know FOR CERTAIN that whatever is plaguing them right now can actually get well soon. Most disabilities you can't recover from. There is no "get well soon" for most of us. Don't give us a reminder of that.

Anyways! That's my list. Feel free to add onto this if you all have any other ideas. If you're ableist in my notes, I freely block and report so don't test me.

Have a nice day!

(I didn't proofread this, please cut me some slack if this is all over the place)

[look-at-the-soul]

Behind the scenes- Peaky Blinders (Part 2)

Cillian Muphy x reader Part 1

BTS Series Masterlist

Request

Word count: 5,565

✨Here it is the final part to this fascinating character that caught my eye in a short video edited a long time ago… I hope you like this!

Once again I’d like to thank @notyour-valentine for sharing the request you got and tagging me, @heidimoreton for your endless support -and always saving me with you secret PB file-and fabulous moodboards @ forbidden-forest-witch for the chats, support and inspiration @holacia3 for all your guidance with horses and least but not least, each and everyone of you, the readers, the likers, their anons, the rebloggers, the ones who read in silence and are afraid to raise your voice. ♥️

Oblivious to the conversation Val and Cillian just had, Y/N walked back excited.

“Ready to go for a ride?”

Cillian nodded in silence.

”Y/N are you taking the horse out?” Asked Renny, Cillian had seen him from afar taking care of the horses, he was mostly shy and quiet, more like an observer.

“Yes Renny,” she replied in a soft voice, “do you want to join us?”

Renny shook his head nervously.

“Do you remember Mr. Murphy, right? He’s learning how to ride a horse.”

Cillian stared into Renny, but the man simply couldn’t hold anyone’s gaze, his fingers moved constantly, trying to touch something, anything.

“You take care of them Renny?” He asked in a soft tone, noticing the smile that cracked on the man’s face.

“Yes.” He replied touching the column. “It will rain again tonight.” Then after a few second, he repeated the same thing.

“Have you seen the filly? She’s beautiful.” Y/N asked with a genuine smile.

“She’s doing great, I’ll check on her again.” Renny left mumbling something to himself.

“Renny showed up one day and decided to stay, he immediately bonded with my horses and when I saw the way he treated them, I knew this was his place.” Y/N explained.

Cillian stared at her with interest. “Just like that?” She nodded. It was a surprise to learn that she took in a complete stranger.

“He never talked about his past, all he asked was a place to sleep and something to eat, in return I’d get someone trustworthy to be around the barn.” It was evident Renny had something, neurological perhaps. “Let’s be honest, he has more heart than any of us.”

Cillian raised his hands, in defeat. “I’m not judging you, he’s just one in a million.” Something he couldn’t name making his heart beat at the speed of a horse galloping when he saw her smile. He needed to speak to Steve about adding a character like him.

“Keep your back straight and your legs at a comfortable position… I know it’s not like we sit like this all the time.” She explained making sure neither Cillian or the horse were uncomfortable.

She then proceeded to explain the little pull he’d feel and her words got caught in her throat as Cillian’s energy changed completely, he positioned himself correctly on the saddle and everything changed; his posture, his energy, the look in his eyes.

Y/N thought he might get a bit shy or would hold onto the horn as if his life depended on it, but no, he was holding the reins on one hand while the other was resting gently on his thigh and she couldn’t decide who looked more majestic; Cillian or the horse. He had this imposing and mysterious vibe around him… it was magical as if he always belonged there, as if he knew the horse from a lifetime, as if they were one.

Cillian dragged his eyes from the back of the horse to see Y/N. “Ready to go.”

He nodded and she had to shake her head a little to focus again.

“If you press your feet gently, the horse gets the instruction to start moving, you can click you tongue too.” She felt a little bit ridiculous for telling him the obvious, but Cillian didn’t seem to mind.

From all of the people she had seen on a horse, nothing compared to him.

It was hard to comprehend what was happening so she decided she wouldn’t even try to explain it, but on her experience she knew you don’t see a bond like that everyday. It was the most natural thing in the world.

“Come on Angel, let him guide you.” She told the horse after walking out of the stables to let them ride around the ring for a while.

Cillian smiled at the name mentioned. “She looks like one, eh?”

Returning the smile, Y/N added: “and she behaves like one, more obedient than my son.”

Cillian chuckled at her statement, taking a moment to relax his shoulders and let this peace sink in, it was indescribable to ride a horse, to move around and feel that big body be an extension of his own. He never thought something like this would happen. But ever so slowly, he could feel as if himself was taking a step back, to let Tommy Shelby take over, and it was everything, his mannerisms, his critical thinking, the way he was falling in love with these horses, with every movement, his hands were now wrapped around the reins smoothly, his thumb rubbing absently the material.

Y/N walked close to them but giving the pair a little space as Cillian rode around. Still unable to comprehend the conection between Cillian and her horse and how he immediately got everything right about how to do it, as if he had done it before a million times.

He had been practicing how to stop the horse and make him take steps back, as well as the rest of the basics Y/N told him. Most of the work was done through his legs and the direction of the reins he gave, so physically it was making him feel sore, and on top of that he’d need to say his lines and take care of the angles.

As days went by, Cillian woke up early to join Y/N for a quick breakfast then, while she went to do her daily morning routine with the horses; greeting them, giving them breakfast and a good brushing session, after that, they’d go back to the ring to continue the riding lessons, adding a different task each time. And by that Cillian only felt more confident on the horse, he was amazed by the way the animal responded to his lead.

Being on a horse soon started to feel like a second skin to him, the connection to Tommy Shelby was now right on the surface… Cillian felt so attracted to each horse, he was constantly asking for their background story. And when he closed his eyes at night, he could clearly see a young Tommy Shelby, before France, before all the trauma and disappointment in an open field riding the most beautiful horse freely, galloping without an ounce of fear. He could also picture him resting with the horse next to the river, eating fresh fruit from a tree while the sun started to hide behind the hills.

Deep down he knew portraying this man wouldn’t be an easy task, not without being fully involved in every aspect, not only his physical appearance, but his mindset as well. That was the main reason why he withdrew to his room right after dinner, to focus on he script and his notes.

“Why aren’t you riding?” Arlo asked taking Cillian by surprise.

It took him all his will to stop looking at the sight before him. “Because I also learn a few things from watching.” Cillian explained turning his head towards Y/N once more, feeling like he was drawn somehow, with a natural force as the horse started galloping and she made it look as an incredible ease that made him even feel jealous.

“Did you know that when I was a baby she took me for rides?” Arlo asked quietly.

Cillian shook his head. “No, but it’s not a surprise either.”

Then Cillian remembered a few scenes with the youngest Shelby brother, he would be around Arlo’s age and he needed some kind of kids background.

“Do you like it here? Being around horses all day?”

“Yeah, but sometimes I was it could be like the other kids in my classroom, they have brothers and their Dads.”

Sighing, Cillian regretted his move, the last thing he wanted to do was stepping on the line of a private matter.

“I’m sure your Mum makes a great job on her own.”

Arlo nodded and then looking at the ground, he added something that’s been worrying him. “Yeah but when I go to school she’s alone.”

Bending down to look at the kid, Cillian explained how Renny, Brie and Val were around with Y/N.

“Not that kind of alone…” he added with a hint of embarrassment. “I gotta go to feed the horses!”

He wanted to ask how would a ten-years-old know but he was caught off guard.

And with that, he left Cillian by himself but not without planting the seed in his head about what he just said as images of Y/N riding flashed before his deep gaze. She was floating, in her element, the effect of golden hour highlighting her features, loose locks bouncing against her cheeks.

More than once his eyes would find her as she caressed the horses, or while she waited for the kettle to prepare her favorite tea. But he also needed to be honest with himself, it would be a huge mistake to start developing feelings at this point, when he was just about to start the most ambitious project of his career, the shooting would be demanding and he could feel it was taking a toll on him already, he was used to the rhythm by now, long hours on set, sometimes filming really early in the morning or until it was pretty late, small breaks in between for at least three months… who could possibly keep up with that? Even if she was willing to do so, it would be selfish to ask her to join him on set specially when she had a son and a job she loved at the sanctuary.

He needed to focus on Thomas Shelby and only that.

***

“This is the new payment plan. First one is due by the end of this month.” Y/N informed Brie giving her the folder with the information.

“I was thinking I could ask my husband to take some photos to upload them online, for promo you know?”

Cillian was about to knock but then decided to wait so he wouldn’t interrupt their conversation. But he saw the way she dragged her eyes from the papers to stare into the opposite wall in silence, considering it.

“I guess so…” she added absently clasping her hands together and leaning on her elbows.

“It will help us with an extra income!” Brie cheered.

“If you think it’s a good idea, I trust you.” Y/N agreed and finally noticed Cillian next to the door frame. Waving her hand, she motioned for him to come in.

As Brie gave him a quick glance, she struggled to hide the grin on her face.

“Is that your grandpa?” Cillian asked tipping his head towards the portrait of a man with a horse. He was holding his hands behind his back.

Y/N smile lighted her face. “Magnus.”

Arching his eyebrows, he realized of the resemblance between them. “His name sounds like a bloody emperor.”

Y/N chuckled and guided Cillian out, to try riding bareback.

Cillian’s hands against the coat of the horse’s neck, to let him know of his next move. Swiftly, Cillian sat on Thunder’s back relishing the sense of calmness he was greeted with.

“Okay… show me what you got, cowboy.” Y/N regretted the words right after they left her mouth and an evident blush covered her cheeks.

Cillian couldn’t help but to raise an eyebrow, surprised while a smile started to grow. “Are you sure you can handle it?” He flirted back.

Mortified, Y/N caressed the horse. “Whenever you’re ready.” Y/N took a step back, trying to keep her emotions at bay. She knew riding a horse bareback was something so intimate, so raw, so deep. Reserved only for a few privileged.

And once more, Cillian felt an indescribable feeling as the horse started walking.

This role meant a lot to him, more than he could express. He had been working out six days a week, gave up his vegetarian diet in order to bulk up, spent some time at a gypsy camp to learn about their traditions and language, read about the World War I… anything to make it right.

Cillian felt as if he was taking a step back in order to allow Thomas Michael Shelby take over… he was just an instrument.

He could feel Tommy’s essence in him, his fears, the things he loved the most, the memories and trauma achieved in France. He was so immersed that he never noticed Y/N left him to ride on his own and as she was watching from a few meters away, curiosity took over her, she couldn’t help but wonder what was crossing Cillian’s mind as he rode staring into the open field, she knew his mind was miles away.

He seemed so focused, so engrossed in his own thoughts that it felt so wrong to interrupt. But somehow watching Cillian riding also had a therapeutic effect on her.

Cillian was attractive, without a doubt and Val had insisted she should let her hair down, wear some perfume, even used the flirt shamelessly advice. It had been so long since she felt something, the last man she had been with was Arlo’s father. After him she gave herself entirely to her son and her business. With a tight schedule, hay in her hair and smelling like a barn, what kind of man would give her a double look? Besides Cillian would be staying just for a short period of time, soon he’d be back to film whatever project he was working on, throw himself into his glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.

“Mum can I ride too?” Arlo asked after approaching her quietly, making her snap back into reality.

Y/N noticed the sparkle in her son’s eyes, the same eagerness she had when she was around his age.

“Bring Goldie over, bet she’d love to join them.” She’d call Cia to pick up her mare. As her ten-year old rushed towards the stables, her eyes moved back to Cillian and Thunder.

She wanted to suggest a break as he had been riding for a while, but after watching Cillian so at ease, in his element, she decided to let him set the pace.

“That was a smooth turn.” She praised tipping her head, caressing Thunder’s neck. “I wish I could keep him forever.” Emotions took over her.

Cillian’s brows knitted together in confusion.

“I’ll have to sell him to pay a loan I asked the bank.” Y/N explained right after. “Raising horses it’s a beautiful thing, but I don’t have a long queue of people asking for riding lessons and tourists visiting on weekends only cover for the basic expenses and cheques.”

Looking in another direction, Cillian wanted to find a way to support her, but he was lost for words… not that she was asking him for help anyways.

“Mum, look!” Arlo called from a few meters away, but as she turned around to see her son, her soul almost left her body.

“Goodness! Arlo sit down!”

His giggles should’ve calmed her, but deep down she knew it was in his blood.

Cillian tried to hide his amusement by caressing the horse’s neck, he didn’t want to interfere.

“I know what I’m doing Mum.” Arlo defended.

“Yeah, sure.” She retorted with sarcasm and Cillian once again found himself smiling.

As they rode, Arlo showed Cillian a couple of tricks he had learned from his mother, but also a few personal insights, like a time after having a nightmare and he ended up sneaking out of the house to sleep in the stables. He also shared with Cillian that his favorite part was handling the snacks and his least, picking horse sheet, that last part Arlo lowered his voice so his Mum wouldn’t scold him.

“I love Thunder.”

“Why did you use white paint on his forehead then?” Cillian asked turning his head to look at Arlo.

The kid laughed, the purest sound of the world and it made Y/N’s heart fill with so much she felt she could explode any minute.

“It’s not paint! It’s like a more or a birth mark.” Arlo explained ceremoniously.

Cillian already knew that, he saw it in one of the books he’d been reading. Thunder’s was like a star.

“Oh!” His eyes then found Y/N’s, and is if he could read them, he saw gratitude and surprise there. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Anytime… I know loads about horses!” Arlo expressed excited, but then his features were shadowed. “But I don’t have anyone to talk about it except my Mum.”

That was a low kick in the stomach for Y/N, although Arlo was aware his father wasn’t around, she knew he wanted a father figure more than anything in his life.

“Think it’s time for you to do some homework young man.” She tried to brush away the discomfort.

With a pout he came down from the horse but obeyed right away.

“He’s a great kid.” Cillian admitted as they rode next to each other, after Y/N replaced her son’s spot.

“I’m terrified that one day this won’t be enough for him, he’ll go looking for his father and get his heart broken like I did.” But as soon as the words left her lips, she regretted opening up to him with something so personal, so intimate. “Sorry… would you mind if we go back?”

“Y/N, you have nothing to worry about, Arlo is a smart kid he’ll realize everything you did for him and his well-being.” Cillian assured her.

And for some unknown reason, Y/N believed in him. His words had a soothing effect in her soul.

“Thank you,” a tender smile decorated her face.

The attraction between them is undeniable at this point, they didn’t even realize how close their bodies were until Cillian’s words fanned over her lips.

“You’re an amazing woman, Y/N.” He whispered right before tilting his head and finding her mouth, tentatively, softly, giving into the feathery touch…

Everything happened so fast, one second his hand was finding the back of her head and hers his shoulders when Thunder got out of control right next to them, forcing them to break their kiss. Y/N took over gently, making the horse feel calm once more, she assured Cillian loud noises made him extremely nervous. And right after that, Renny asked her to check the filly.

The interruption taking away the spark that had been ignited.

Giving Cillian an apologetic look, Y/N went on to check what was the problem with the filly.

****

“He’s probably a bit shy, if you ask me…” Val trailed off as she got dinner out of the oven.

“But I wasn’t asking.” Y/N laughed out loud, Val following right after.

“Oh! But I don’t care if you ask me or not, all I say is… it’s been a while.”

“You haven’t been with anyone since Arlo’s Dad?” Willow asked from the opposite side of the kitchen pouring the popcorn she prepared for her and Arlo into a bowl.

“What are you doing there young lady? Listening?” Val asked her niece, she was staying at her place that weekend.

“You could use one of those apps.” Willow suggested.

“Enough, go and watch your movie.” Val took her by the shoulders to guide her out. “She’s right though, but I won’t let her know I agreed. So are you really sure there’s nothing you can do about Cillian?”

Y/N sighed, thinking about it. By the time she was done with the horses, Cillian was out reading something too focused to even notice her, so she thought it would be wrong to interrupt him. He probably just kissed her out of pity… either way she decided to not reveal that small detail to her friend.

“No, Val I swear I’ve seen him interacting with the horses, but he’s always so serious towards me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how to approach you.”

“Just leave it okay, I shouldn’t have been so involved that’s all.”

“Can’t you try to be a bit more positive?”

“And for what? He’ll be gone without another word, he just came here to learn how to ride… isn’t interested in having something with a Mum.”

“I’m convinced you’re wrong, there has to be an explanation.”

“Well, I will save myself from the embarrassment… he doesn’t want to deal with someone who smells like horses and barns 22 hours a day.” Y/N stated groaning at the amazing taste of diner.

Cillian paced later that night in his room, the script in his hand felt heavier than it really was. For the last couple of hours he tried so hard to focus, to repeat the lines the already knew so well but images of Y/N closing her eyes and responding to his kiss overshadowed any words Tommy Shelby could try to say.

It was so frustrating to remember the interruption because he wanted more of her lips.

He needed more of Y/N.

But now it felt so out of place to come down the stairs and say what?

Every single time he closed his eyes, he could feel her soft lips dancing against his, her sweet fragrance intoxicating him, he wanted his hands to explore her body, hear the little sounds she could make… all he got was a kiss for a mere instant, a small glimpse of what it could be.

And it was enough to shake him to the point where he couldn’t concentrate to rehearse his dialogue.

***

When Y/N knocked on his door the following morning curious when she didn’t saw him ready to ride, she was met by silence and an empty room. The bed was made and everything was in its place, but Cillian was nowhere to be seen.

Stepping into the room, Y/N called for him but after not getting an answer, she noticed a folded piece of paper on the night stand.

Dear Y/N,

I want to apologize first for leaving without letting you know, it’s still dark and I don’t want to wake you up. Then I want to thank you for showing me everything you know about horses, they’re truly fascinating creatures, with a pure heart, ready to give us all.

I came here with only one thing in mind; learn all about them, but as I got to meet you and see them through your eyes and the remarkable work you do in the sanctuary I got to face feelings I don’t know how to deal with at the moment. I know this is the worst way to express it, but I don’t feel brave enough to tell you while looking into your eyes, there’s this fire and passion in them that touched the deepest parts of my soul. Actually I was trying yesterday to run through the script but I wasn’t able to because I kept watching you whenever I closed my eyes… and it was too damn distracting for my own good.

Yes, this sounds terrible, I know. But I need to get this job done first and do it right, before my attention goes somewhere else, that’s why I want you to know how wonderful you are and how grateful I feel for everything you did for me.

If you want and if I didn’t mess this up, I’d love to invite you and Arlo for the first day of filming. Perhaps if you could see the dimension of this project, you could forgive me for leaving this way. And maybe we can see each other. I’d love to see you again.

I’m hoping you can give me the chance to properly explain the impact you had in my life.

Cillianx

Her brain went numb after that, everything was so confusing and she was torn between thinking he might like her but at the same time, Cillian didn’t show a clear interest because he needed to focus on his work.

But her confusion grew even more when she got a phone call requesting to rent several of her horses for a few months, they mentioned something about some kind of filming so she had to spend most of her day preparing the quotation to send it back, at least that saved her from having diner with Val, she wasn’t ready to answer the endless questionnaire about Cillian. And by the following day a group of actors were driven to her property to get riding lessons specifically from her, as well as a couple of stunt doubles that were casted, so they practically kept her busy.

So there she was showing the group how to ride horses while Brie helped her to direct the group from the ground, starting early and finishing once the stars started to shine, and just like she did with Cillian, she covered everything.

Two weeks later, Y/N was making sure her horses where in perfect shape, she had been caressing and brushing them in an attempt to calm her own nerves while she waited at the Black Country Museum for instructions.

“Hello, are you Y/N?” Asked a woman with a smile. “I’m Heidi, Cillian’s PA.”

Y/N blinked confused. “Yeah.”

“Personal Assistant.” Heidi chuckled. “They’re about to start filming, so why don’t you come with me, I got instructions to handle you these.” She then showed Y/N two cords with an all access pass.

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N smiled back.

“Wow! So cool!” Arlo took his immediately. “Let’s go Mum!”

This whole thing was so surreal to her, the lightings, the place, staff, extras.

“It can be a bit overwhelming, but after a while you get used to it.” Heidi explained as if she could read her mind. “Have you been to a shooting before?”

“Never.” Y/N explained shaking her head while her eyes were focused on a man talking to a girl, blowing something in his hand. Then, she spotted Thunder being guided by someone while Cillian was on top of him, he was wearing a suit and a peak cap, the back and sides of his head were dramatically shaved.

“First day is always the longest,” Heidi explained. “They’ll rehearse first the scenes and when they start shooting I need to ask you to be quiet because there’s microphones everywhere.”

“What are they doing?” Y/N’s gaze was divided between Cillian and Thunder.

“Look Mum! That’s Thunder!” Arlo squealed excitedly, pointing at their horse.

“It’s for the first scene, they put a spell on the horse….”

“They better don’t hurt Thunder.” Y/N warned, although she knew Heidi wasn’t responsible for her horse.

“Don’t worry, Cillian did a special request towards the horses… he was very adamant they wouldn’t get hurt.” She seemed to know everything. “If you guys are hungry, there’s food in the back, please feel free to get anything.”

“Thanks.”

She then started biting her lip. “Oh and Y/N? My boss asked me to keep a eye on you specially, he would like to talk to you after filming the sequence, so I’ll take your son for a tour if you don’t mind.”

That made Y/N extremely nervous, but she found herself nodding and looking once more towards Cillian who was riding Thunder bareback and he started to move back to the first spot again only to repeat the motion and stop right in front of the girl and the two men while the one with jacket started to blow something red into Thunder’s nose.

Then she heard Cillian say something she couldn’t hear from her place and children and women came out from the places they’ve been hiding.

“Perfect, we’re ready to start shooting, silence on set!” Called someone from staff.

And Y/N couldn’t stop staring at Cillian and how amazing all of this was, how immersed he seemed to be, but he found a way to caress Thunder between takes.

It took them several tries as a huge equipment followed Cillian and her horse, who now she knew was Monaghan Boy for the purpose of the story. She also learned Cillian was the leading role of this new series and how demanding it had been for him. The entire plot of the story resting on his shoulders.

“Cut! We’re done.” She heard in the distance and staff started a round of applauses.

Waiting in the trailer felt like she was trespassing, but Heidi insisted it was Cillian’s instructions once they were done with the scenes.

When she heard a click and the door cracked, her heart started beating faster.

As her eyes landed on Cillian her mind went blank, all the thoughts that had crossed her, all the worry that overshadowed her these past days, all of it was gone the moment she saw his smile.

“Hey…” Cillian stared at her.

“Hi.” She replied shyly.

“I’m so glad you came.” He took a step closer.

“Thank you for getting them to rent the horses for filming and the riding lessons for the cast.” She felt extremely grateful with him for doing that, the extra income allowed her to pay the loan she got from the bank without interests.

Waving his hand, Cillian let her know she didn’t need to thank him for that. “It’s the least I can do, after leaving the way I did… sorry about that.” Y/N was already shaking her head, but Cillian insisted. “Really, it was wrong but that was the only way to focus because you were so distracting,” he chuckled and she couldn’t focus on anything else than his velvety voice, “trust me, after that kiss…” subconsciously, his graze dropped to her lips.

Forcing herself, Y/N looked away from his piercing blue eyes.

She had been so confused for how he left and his letter, because other than the kiss he never showed an open interest in her.

“What is it?” Cillian asked when he noticed her expression serious.

“Just… something doesn’t makes sense…” Y/N folded her arms and turned towards the window. “I don’t belong on sets, I’m surrounded by horses all day.”

Cillian stayed quiet for a few seconds, trying to find a way to express his feelings.

“Y/N…” he touched her shoulders gently, tentatively turning her to see her face, “the second I kissed you, I knew it was you the one that I wanted but I was so scared at the same time by the intensity that it hit me with.” For a split second, Y/N looked at him “and I know it’s hard for you to trust… but to me this is the strongest I’ve ever felt for someone.” Cillian couldn’t help it but rest his palms on her cheeks to caress her skin with his thumbs. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel the same.”

To say that she didn’t, it would be a total lie.

“I’m scared…” her voice was just a whisper, his was a soothing melody to her soul.

“That’s good, it means you care.” Cillian’s hands held her face firmly. “You know, while I was taking those riding lesson with an excellent rider… she showed me that no matter what we say or what we do, just like in a horse’s eyes… the answers are right there if you pay attention.”

The next thing she knew it was how different was this kiss to the previous one they shared, his lips moved against hers with a hint of security, firmly, kissing her with intensity… passion.

Her hands moved up to cup his face gently, fingers caressing the hollowed cheekbones and then up to the shaved parts of his hair while his locked on the small of her back. Barely breaking away the kiss to catch some air, Y/N smiled against his lips.

“Yeah? And what else did you learn from this horse trainer?”

Cillian growled, a wide grin decorating his lips just as in a surprising motion, he took Y/N by the waist to place her on the counter.

“A lot about myself,” he admitted giving her a small peck, “all about horses,” another kiss, “about life,” he tilted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth, “about love…”

“Hmm that’s exactly what I learned from certain someone who showed up in my place for a riding lesson, and it ended up being more like a life lesson.” Y/N brushed the fringe on his forehead to the side, for some reason it was a bold haircut, but she loved it how it looked on him. Adjusting her legs around his waist, to keep Cillian closer, his lips outlining her jaw. “I’m just worried about Arlo. You know my son is my world.”

Cillian looked at her with an eyebrow cocked. “I thought you knew I signed up for the premium lesson; horses, you and him.”

As they kissed again, she had to remember he was working. “I don’t want to distract you from your responsibilities.”

“It’s fine, I actually love having you here, would you like to join me tomorrow? We’re filming in an open field.”

As she nodded, Cillian sighed relieved.

And Y/N knew she had never been so sure of something like she felt towards Cillian. Because he understood her priorities and passion just like she was starting to learn about his for acting.

****

♥️ I hope you liked this two-parts mini series! I wrote it to celebrate the 10th Peaky Blinders anniversary 🥃 🚬 🖤

Thank you Heidi for the BTS photo!!!!! 📸

Bonus: The final scene 🎬 thanks Selene!

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @elk96 @heidimoreton @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989 @rangerelik @lovemissyhoneybee @ironpen @kittycatcait219 @shelundeadxxxx @speckledemerald @creativepawsworld @kathrinemelissa @polishcrazyone

[nightlyrequiem]

The Other Side of Paradise

2) Sing My Praises and I Will Bow to You

Cross posted from AO3

Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6, Ch.7, Ch.8, Ch.9, Ch.10, Ch.11

You try to make the best of your life working at a small bakery in a city with rising cartel violence. One slower day, a man starts harassing your coworker. Despite the obvious threat, you stand up to him anyway. Unbeknownst to you, Valeria just so happened to be there to witness it.

A/N- All chapters containing smut will be labeled mature. The fic is fully written with the whole thing on AO3 but chapters on Tumblr will be posted one a day.

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Dual POV, Happy Ending, Plot with Porn, Graphic Violence, Inappropriate Use of a Knife, Masturbation, WLW

You took the day off. You actually took a few days off. You feel cowardly hiding up in your apartment, but you were just too afraid of that guy coming back. You should really learn to think before you speak. Trying to be a hero only works out in books and movies. In Las Almas, it gets you shot.

Unfortunately, no matter how afraid you may be, the bills won't pay themselves. You get ready for work. Neck uncomfortably moist with sweat. The AC must be broken again. You can do nothing but hope it will be fixed before you get back. Otherwise, you'll have bust out the old fan to keep you at a reasonable temperature while you sleep.

You grab your keys, phone, and wallet and walk towards the front door. It's so quiet in your apartment that you're glad to be getting out, even if it is just for work. Staying holed up in your apartment for three days did nothing but remind you of how lonely you are. It doesn't help that the only notifications you received were full storage warnings.

You leave and start your short walk to work. Greeting the elderly man that owns the small corner store below your apartment. It's a nice day today. A little too warm but the sky is blue, and the trees are green. There are children running around. It would be perfect and picturesque if it weren't for the 'soldiers' skulking around.

You've spent most of your life living in Las Almas. Such a shame it is to watch it fall into the wrong hands. It's not like the cartel sprouted up overnight like an invasive plant. It belonged to La Araña, then sometime over the last ten years power shifted to El Sin Nombre. Whoever that may be.

The cartel has always been around. It just wasn't as big of a presence when you were a child. Whoever ran it back then had the decency to keep things lowkey. You spot a murial. Splashes of colour put together by someone who clearly takes pride in their work. Too bad the person used their talents to support El Sin Nombre.

You reach the bakery and walk inside. Eyes automatically scanning the crowded room for the man from last week. You almost feel sick with relief when you don't see him. You quickly go behind the counter and grab an apron. You're not entirely sure why they make you wear it. It's not like you are the one making the treats. More often than not you're on dish duty. Which is your first task today. Lucky you.

You go around back and begin to fill the sinks. While you're letting the dishes soak, your manager, Mateo appears behind you. Silent as a cat and scaring you out of your skin.

"Christ!" You exclaim quietly.

"Mateo." He corrects. Judging by his serious expression he's not here to have a friendly chat. "I heard about what happened on Thursday." He says. "I get what you were trying to do, but we have a good thing here." He continues. "Don't go bringing trouble."

He leaves before you can respond and you feel annoyed. People only ever talk to you to tell you what to do or tell you what you're doing wrong. You pick up a rag and scrub at a plate angrily. Although, you do see some sense in what Mateo said. You will be more careful in the future. That's what you tell yourself.

Your shift goes by pretty quickly. Afternoon turns to dusk. You go from dishes to working the counter, to cleaning. You're the only one closing tonight. You still have forty minutes left but you haven't seen a single customer in the last hour. You decide to start your closing tasks early, Mateo doesn't care. There are only five things left in the display case. Not one for wasting you decide to just put them in a basket to take home later.

You start sweeping. Pushing dust and crumbs and whatever else to the center of the room. The bell above the door chimes and you look up. It's Valeria. You straighten, feeling a little flustered because you weren't expecting customers. She sees the lack of other people and you sweeping.

"Are you closed?" She asks. Her voice is pleasant. Smooth and feminine.

"No." You reply. "What would you like?" Valeria turns to look at the display case and you follow her gaze. Feeling like an idiot when you remember you already took everything out. "Uh, there's still some stuff left in the back, I'll go and get it." You say quietly.

You set the broom against the wall and hurry off behind the counter, clipping your hip on the edge. You hope she didn't see that. You bring over the little basket containing leftover treats and take out a couple of mini cheesecakes and three cookies. Meager pickings but if she wanted better, she should've come in earlier.

Valeria looks over her options. She looks back up at you with a lazy expression. "Do you have any conchas left?"

"Sorry, this is all that we have." You say apologetically. She looks a little disappointed but doesn't comment. Instead, she just looks at you. It starts to border on rude when she finally speaks again.

"We went to the same school." She remarks. You already knew that. You're a little surprised that she recognized you. You didn't exactly run in the same crowd. You nod in response. "I don't quite remember your name...?"

You tell her and she nods. She doesn't share hers. Probably assuming that you already know it. Another uncomfortable silence settles over you two like a too-warm blanket. You're trying to think of something to say to ease the awkward tension when she speaks again.

"Do you make the pastries?" She asks, tilting her head slightly. You shake your own in response. Starting to pick up the food from off the counter. Putting the items back into the basket. "What do you do here then?" You look at her and study her expression. Wondering if she's being hostile. Her expression looks relaxed.

You move the basket to the side. "I help out." You reply. She can probably guess what you do. It's not like a service worker's tasks are top secret knowledge.

"Cleaning, selling treats, and security." She murmurs. "You're quite the package." So that's why she's talking to you. You were wondering why. She was here last week; she witnessed the events that transpired. You had seen her in her corner. Why should she care though?

You shrug. She continues. "That man is in the cartel." She states obviously. Because clearly you couldn't tell. "I've seen him patrolling."

"Yes." You reply. Suddenly a little less eager to talk to her. She's wearing jeans and a tank top that shows off toned arms and tattoos. Is she a part of the cartel? You feel a little judgmental for thinking that way. Don't judge a book by the cover and all that. Even though that's the whole point of the cover.

Leaning against the counter in a way you hope comes off as nonchalant, you try to do some damage control. Just in case she is in the cartel. "He can be whatever he wants to be," you say. "But he doesn't have the right to come in here and throw his weight around." Actually, that might not be the best thing to say to someone you suspect of being in a dangerous organization.

Valeria smiles. "You're right." She says. You feel like a child being told 'good job' by a teacher. "Some people seem to think that just because they have a gun, they're invincible."

You like what she's saying. Your feelings do a one-eighty, and you decide you do like talking to her.

"It's refreshing to hear someone be more honest with their opinions." Valeria praises. "I can respect that." You feel flattered. You know a few people who are pretty honest about their opinions but clearly, she doesn't. That's fine with you. As long as she keeps complimenting you.

Valeria's phone buzzes and she takes it out from her back pocket to check. You're caught off guard by how outdated it looks. Not everyone can afford or wants the newest phone on the market, but seeing a flip phone catches you off guard. Her easy-going expression falters only for a few seconds before she relaxes her facial muscles again.

"I have to get going," she says. "I enjoyed talking to you though. I'll be seeing you tomorrow." She gives no room for response or protest. She just smiles once then turns and walks out. You finish cleaning. Feeling slightly giddy. You also feel nervous, going over your conversation in your head.

You go home after closing and bound across the sidewalks. Feeling as light as a feather and bright as the sun. Your pleased mood sours slightly when you enter your apartment. It's sweltering and humid. The AC is still broken.

[softeninglooks]

a3! | confessing to juza hyodo...

because i spent the last few days watching all the juza content i could find and this boy makes my heart melt (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

part 1. part 2.

at first, it is his dedication to acting that drew you to him - you admired his commitment and passion both on stage and behind the scenes

you would bring him something sweet to snack on whenever you noticed that he stayed up late learning his lines and he would help you out with chores in return

you are surprised and touched by juza’s thoughtful gestures because you didn’t know him well until then

juza’s caring nature and love for the troupe shines too brightly for you not to see that behind his impassive glare hid a kind heart that just couldn’t properly articulate its true feelings

juza is deeply grateful that you don’t judge him for his appearance and he feels like he can fully be himself around you. eventually you don’t even notice his glaring anymore because you know how kind juza actually is

you help him with his insecurities and always encourage him whenever he gets too stressed out or doubts his abilities. sometimes you read lines together and he comes to you for advice

to thank you for your continuous support, he invites you to sweets shops and surprises with you pastries

when juza realises that he is falling in love with you (what is this warmth in his stomach? why is his heart thumping much louder when you say his name?), he goes into a quiet state of panic. most of all he is afraid that his feelings for you will ruin what you had and that you wouldn’t want to hang out with him after that

poor clueless juza doesn’t even notice how your cheeks flush whenever he expresses his gratitude for you or your arms accidentally brush

the way you are so unapologetically yourself, kind and funny and enthusiastic about the world, makes him fall for you harder day after day

the idea that you could love him back doesn’t even cross his mind - he knows how hard he is to get along with because of his appearance, and though you are always kind to him, he thinks that you would’ve done the same for anyone and he is just another friend of yours

you end up implicitly confessing your feelings for juza to omi, who easily read between the lines. little did you know that juza also went to him for advice because he felt too distressed and clueless

now, omi has to work his magic to get the two of you to talk it out together. he asks both of you for help with baking and disappears to search for a mysterious ingredient, leaving the two of you alone

the confession scene is a bashful mess. omi may have hinted at each of you how the other felt, juza still doesn’t fully believe that you could like him back. he doesn’t want to pressure you into anything so he just hopelessly struggles to find the right words

eventually, you take the matter into your own hands. you confess to him first, but juza is so overwhelmed that he responds much quicker than usual. when omi returns, the tips of your ears are burning and juza is actively avoiding eye contact with him. that’s a win, omi smiles to himself and gives you a thumbs up

after that, juza doesn’t know how to act. omi gives you generous slices from the strawberry roll cake that you just baked and exits the kitchen to treat the rest of the company. you find yourselves alone in the kitchen again, having just barely recovered from the confession

juza is wondering whether he should kiss you or reach out for your hand or just act like he always did around you, as though nothing important had happened

the strawberry roll cake is delicious though, so you draw juza’s attention to that before making a move. as you eat, some of the timidity and tension dissipates and you manage to make small talk like you always did, happily discussing the softness of the texture and the sweetness of the cream

then, when you rise up to clean your plates, your hand brushes juza’s arm, hesitating slightly, asking him for permission with your touch, and he moves closer to you, carefully replicating your gesture as his cheeks prickle with warmth. your fingers cling onto the sleeve of his jacket more firmly then, and your lips meet in the middle, him gently leaning into you

juza tastes of sugar and strawberries. and to him, you are sweeter than any pastry he loves

when you pull away, juza doesn’t break eye contact, looking at you intently, and you take his calloused hand in yours. “i love you,” you say boldly, squeezing his hand. you feel braver now, ready to fight to make this love work. you wish to give juza all the affection he deserves and the world had denied him for so long

“i love you too, y/n.” his golden eyes are still firmly set on you, not letting go. a pang of anguish revives the fear that this could only be a dream, that the comforting pressure of your hand on his could vanish and he would drive you away, but he decides that he won’t back down. just like with acting, he will give this his all. it is him who kisses you then

[rorywritesjunk]

There's no race, no ending in sight

r rating. title comes from "two of us on the run" by lucius

(enjoy. since i'm so invested in this now i wanted to do a ✨flashback✨ part and i love emporio ivankov and been hyping myself up on trans croc lately too so... this happened. mentions surgery but nothing graphic, threats to others safety. also mentions of someone's first time)

taglist: @hey-august @thoraeth

pt 1 + pt 2 + p3 + p4 + pt 5 + p6 + pt 7 +Pt 8 + Pt 9 + Pt 10 + Pt 11 + Pt 12 + Pt 13 + Pt 14 + Pt 15 + pt 16 + Pt 17 (End)

Pt 9

twenty years ago

"I'm sorry, what?" The nineteen year old looked confused by the demand. Sunny had only been at the job for five years, she still had so much to learn, but this customer came in, one she had seen frequently in the last year, making adjustments to their clothes when it didn't feel right in the arms, the chest, hips, and length.

"I said marry me, shop girl." The cigar smoke was awful, lingering in the air as it dissipated. He was grinning at her.

"M-Mister Crocodile, I can't. I'm only half way through my apprenticeship and... and we don't know each other very well." Sunny tried to reason with him. Why would he want to marry her? "Besides, um, I'm not... ready for marriage."

He chuckled, reaching across the counter to touch her cheek gently; she shuddered, his touch was dry and coarse, like sandpaper against her skin. "It's not in your best interest to say no to me, girl, not when I can show you everything in the world, all the riches you could ever want, the prettiest clothes you could ever wear."

"I don't-"

"Saying no to me means you care little for your friends and family, you know. It won't be hard to destroy their livelihoods in an instant." He continued, tilting her head to look up at him. He was so much taller than her, larger even, that she was scared. Was he threatening Miss Pins and her parents? Why? Why did he want her out of countless others?

"But-"

"Just say yes."

Sunny's eyes widened. She didn't know or understand what this man could be capable of but she feared him. She couldn't risk her family being hurt or her boss. She didn't want to die either, not yet.

"Promise?" She asked as he studied her face, raising an eyebrow at her question. "Promise... you won't hurt me o-or my family. And... and I'll marry you."

His face split into a grin. "Good girl. I'll make sure you're happy."

~

Sunny didn't understand where they were. A man taller than her husband greeted them as they arrived on a new island, calling him "Croc-boy" which Sunny found kind of funny. They'd been married three months now and while he would call her darling, she hadn't thought of a pet name for him yet. Nothing seemed to work for him.

"Who's this sweet young thing?" The man asked Crocodile, giving Sunny a look over. She stood beside her husband, trying not to stare up at either of them. She felt so small beside them even without the height difference.

"My wife." Crocodile said as the three started walking along. "I decided to get married before coming to you."

"Hello! I'm Sunny." She said, not wanting to be rude. "I, um, like your outfit."

The outfit being a one piece leotard with very little front, showing off his chest and stomach. Despite working with clothing, Sunny wasn't quite used to seeing someone that exposed but she shook it off. Her parents and boss always taught her not to judge someone's clothes or how they presented themselves.

"She's cute." He chuckled. "My dear, I am Emporio Ivankov, but you can call me Iva if you please." He didn't hesitate in pulling Sunny away from her husband, having her walk beside her with Crocodile behind. "So, he's finally settling down. I hope he's treating you well."

"He... is." She said, glancing back at him. "Um, he's kind to me. I appreciate it." She looked back up at Iva. "Why are we here?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" Iva hummed softly. "Figures he wouldn't, but won't worry about it. You'll only be here a few weeks and then you can continue on your way."

~

A few weeks of Sunny staying by Crocodile, making sure he ate while checking his bandages with Iva. The marks on the side of his body looked fine, they healed quickly, but the ones on his chest would take longer, according to Iva. He couldn't use his abilities to take care of that.

Sunny didn't ask questions at first. Her husband wouldn't answer them anyway, but when she was making lunch for him, she finally had to ask Iva.

"I don't understand what you did or what happened."

"Oh, honey, your husband just wanted to be himself, that's all." Iva told her as Sunny put the bowl of soup on a tray. He looked her over again, a grin on his large face. "You really don't know your husband, do you?"

"No, not really." Sunny sighed. "I don't know if I even want to."

~

Sunny only saw her husband naked once before his visit with Iva. It was the only time he seemed uncomfortable around her, his unwanted body exposed to her. She was kind, not saying anything as she kissed him, unsure of what to do, but she told him she thought he looked so handsome, that his body was beautiful, being mindful where she touched him. She meant it. Sunny never wanted someone to feel uncomfortable around her.

After the surgery, however, he didn't have any problems with nudity around her. He seemed happier, more relaxed when he undressed around her, smirking at the way she stared at him as her cheeks reddened.

He was gentle with her the first time, knowing he was much larger than her, not wanting to hurt her or make it a horrible experience. It was a uncomfortable for Sunny but only because she didn't now what she needed to do for him. He insisted she just needed to let him do everything and that she just needed to enjoy herself.

~

She was allowed to visit her parents a few times. It was awkward introducing her husband to them. He really didn't care to meet them but he put up a front of loving husband, gifting them jewels, spices, and other things from around the world.

Her parents weren't stupid but Sunny insisted she was fine and that she was happy with him. He took good care of her and loved her, never raised his voice at her or threatened to hurt her. Everything was fine.

~

She didn't like Alabasta. It was too hot, dry, and she hated spending most of her time at home. Sometimes her husband would bring her to his casino, and sometimes she'd put on different clothes and sneak out to walk around the town but it wasn't often.

When that boy in the straw hat showed up and defeated her husband, allowing him to be arrested by the Marines, she finally felt free, even after interrogation after interrogation, she insisted she knew nothing, that she thought her husband just ran a casino and everything, she had no understanding of what he had been up to or what Baroque Works even was.

Which was a lie, Sunny knew more than others thought. She had listened in on some of his conversations when she'd bring him lunch and he'd hold her in his lap, giving her a kiss on the cheek while having a meeting over a transponder snail or in front of others. They didn't make any comments about his wife. They knew better.

~

Her freedom didn't last long. He managed to track her down in a little village far from Impel Down. She wasn't sure how he did, but seeing him again after time apart was heartbreaking. She didn't want to return to him but he maintained his original threat when they got married: he would never hurt her but the same couldn't be said for her family.

~

"I'm sorry, a clown owns you money?" Sunny thought that was the funniest sounding sentence to her and she snorted. "Why did you loan him money in the first place?"

"There was promise of repayment." Her husband replied, stubbing out his cigar on his plate. She had made him breakfast, one of the few things she enjoyed doing for him. She took a sip of her coffee and frowned.

"Huh." She grinned. "Good luck getting it back. Maybe he spent it all on peanuts for an elephant or something."

"I don't see how this is amusing, darling."

"It's not, really, but the idea of a clown owing you money is funny to me." She shrugged. "Have you talked to him about getting it back?"

"Not yet." He sighed. Sunny nodded and set her coffee cup down, sitting up in her seat.

"Can I go talk to him?"

Crocodile looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you want to?"

"Something to do." She shrugged again. "I'll talk to him and see if we can come up with an agreement about paying you back in a timely fashion, how does that sound?"

"We'll talk about after lunch." He said as he got up. "I have things to tend to."

[loathsome-sickness]

Sintember 2024 - Official Prompts

Throwback Thursday prompts have been decided, so here is the official list of prompts for this year! Plain text and flavour texts for each prompt are below the cut.

Innocence - What would you do to preserve it, what will be done to tarnish it?

You just let it happen - Bystander, victim or accomplice, perhaps you shouldn't have let it pass...

Fame - Intoxicating in its power, mesmerising in its influence.

Can't let go - Everything you've tried to, has claw marks in it.

Throwback Thursday #1: Coercion - Subtle application of threat, the brute force of physicality, or could it be someone’s will itself working into their brain?

I love you - I do I do I do I do I do.

Forgotten - And time moves on.

"You are beneath me." - How does the boot taste?

Horrifying concept, thank you - A small change in the world could be a nightmare.

Replaced - You aren't what you were. To yourself, to them.

Self-care - Why feel guilty for a little treat?

Throwback Thursday #2: Captivity - How long has it been? Does the sound of your captor getting closer bring fear or hope. Has it been long enough to become joy?

"Why won't you stay dead?!" - It keeps coming back to this, again and again and again.

"It wasn't me!!" - But why would they believe you?

Learning - Maybe some things are better left unknown

On Display - Like a product on a shelf, no hiding from the eyes.

Pick a Side - You're torn, of course you are, but the time has come where the only other option is to lose both.

"You came back?" - But is it too late? What's done is done.

Throwback Thursday #3: You weren't supposed to enjoy that... - Are they judging you? Really??

Well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions... - How inconvenient and unexpected and harrowing for you.

Tragic Backstory - We all know you've done horrible things to your OCs that you haven't put anywhere else. ;)

Ownership - Mine.

It's just business - No need to get all personal about it.

Revenge - A dish best served however the hell you want.

Magnum Opus - One's greatest work, one that will go down in history.

Throwback Thursday #4: Obsession - Love? Hate? Lust? Fear? Worship? Whatever the case, it’s all they can think about.

Too good to be true - And thus...

Cultivation - What does it take to make this grow, for a good harvest?

BDSM done wrong - Self-explanatory, really. :3

True Freedom - As always, write whatever you like~