#is 1) learning to not care about others judging you at all and 2) treat everyone w respect regardless

[hshouse]

Why would you comment on someone else’s pregnancy choices. Firstly it may not have been intentional, secondly she may have very good reasons to have another baby now instead of later. I love your blog but sometimes you’re so judgmental for no reason?

I’m judgmental always****. What I said is medically true. Getting pregnant less than 18 months apart is not good for the woman. That’s a fact. You can’t be offended by a fact. Did I say she is a dumb bitch that needs to die for her choice? ✨ no. I said it is not a good thing for your body. I am a genz but I am VERY against making true facts something that you can be offended over. Also since when can we not comment on decisions of famous people? thats kinda ALL we do in this website. like literally we spend the whole day giving opinions on things we have no reason to share.

[persevereforahappyending]

A Legacies Secret |5|

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: You just wanted a happy life with your girlfriend but then Ghostface attacks, revealing long thought to be buried family secrets.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.9k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Sam had held Tara as she cried, it had been a long time since she got a hug from a member of her own family. Tara almost forgot how nice her big sisters’ hugs were. She had missed Sam like crazy, she still didn’t understand why she left. Tara thought Sam loved her, even when she was struggling, she always treated Tara well, but if she actually cared she wouldn’t have left. It seemed like Tara’s entire family left her at some point, her only constant was you.

Sam was pacing back and forth in front of her hospital bed. It seemed after their emotional reunion; Sam didn’t know how to act now. Tara wasn’t sure how to act either, she was curious where Sam had been, what she had been doing, why she left, it didn’t feel like the right time to bring any of that up though. She was also curious as to why Sam came back, Wes had called her and she came as soon as she learned Tara was hurt, that had to mean Sam cared about her, but if Sam only came back because she was hurt then that meant Sam didn’t actually want to come back.

“So,” Sam said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You and Y/N,” she nodded.

That quickly snapped Tara out of her thoughts. “Yeah, we’re together,” she said, taking on an edge in her voice. “What about it?”

“I just didn’t realize you two knew each other.” Sam’s eyes darted around the room, but Tara could tell Sam wasn’t thrilled about the idea of her relationship with you. “How’d you meet?”

“School,” Tara glared at her sister. She really didn’t appreciate the fact that Sam was gone for five years, left without notice, and was coming back trying to comment on her romantic relationship.

Sam’s eyes snapped to Tara. “She would have been a senior when you were a freshman.”

“Yeah,” Tara rolled her eyes. “We shared a class, we sat next to each other, had to do projects together.” Sam let out a little scoff, clearly not liking the sound of that. “It’s not like we started dating then,” Tara snapped. “We were school friends and then became actual friends the summer after sophomore year when we ended up working together.”

“Oh, you also worked together?” Sam couldn’t hold back her humorless chuckle, the judgement dripping from her voice.

“Yes,” Tara groaned. “Liv and I got summer jobs at the video store. Y/N already worked there and before you ask, they weren’t like my manager or anything.”

Sam closed her eyes, tilting her head to the ceiling. Tara glared at her sister, she hadn’t even been back five minutes and she was already judging her relationship with you. Tara really didn’t understand what the big deal was, you were amazing. The judgement from her friends, from her mom, from Judy, and now from Sam was so unnecessary. All those people claimed to care about Tara, so they should just be happy that you were so good to her, that you loved her and expected nothing from her.

“Don’t you think they’re a little old for you?” Sam sighed. She put a hand to her head as if she was trying to stop an oncoming headache. Tara wasn’t going to back down; Sam was the one who wanted the argument after all.

“Two years!” Tara scoffed, rolling her eyes. Sam opened her eyes, raising an eyebrow at Tara. “Practically three, whatever,” Tara rolled her eyes. Three years was hardly a big age difference.

“I know,” Sam let out a tired sigh. “You’re so young and they’re-where do they even work?”

Tara opened her mouth, the fire in her eyes was fueled solely by defending you. “The bar in town,” she mumbled.

“That’s just great!” Sam threw her hands in the air.

“It’s good money and they need to pay rent!”

“Oh, they have their own place as well, that’s great!” Sam clapped her hands together.

“They’re literally the only person who’s always there for me!” Tara snapped, glaring up at her sister. She didn’t care how much she missed Sam, she would not let Sam say anything bad about you or talk down about her relationship with you. “Even before we started dating, they were there for me, every time mom…” Tara aggressively wiped the tears that had started to fall.

Sam uncrossed her arms, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Tara I-”

“The only reason they’re staying at that that shitty job,” Tara didn’t allow her sister to speak. “Is to help save money, so when I graduate, we can get the hell out of this town.”

Sam’s head snapped up, looking at Tara with wide eyes. “You haven’t graduated yet?” Tara’s eyes fell to where her good hand was picking at the fabric of the hospital blanket.

“Why do you think I’m still here?” Tara asked quietly.

Sam blinked rapidly, shaking her head and gave a little shrug. “I don’t-I thought maybe you were pushing college a year, maybe putting it off because of mom, or Y/N-”

“I got held back,” Tara snapped. “I had to repeat junior year.”

“What?” Sam breathed out. Tara was sure she would have missed it if they weren’t the only two in the room.

“Mom wasn’t doing great,” Tara’s voice got smaller.  “I missed too many classes.” Tara watched as Sam closed her eyes and slumped back against the wall across from the hospital bed. “My relationship with Y/N was literally the only good thing to come out of that shitty year. When they saw me struggling, they helped as much as they could, whether it was making sure I had a ride to school or helping me deal with mom, if I needed something, no matter what it was, they were right there.”

Sam nodded; she kept her head pointed towards the floor. “That’s very nice of them.”

“I don’t know what version of them you knew.”  Sam finally looked up, meeting Tara’s eyes. “But, the one I know, is someone who would take time out of their day to bring me food, just to make sure I ate, they would stay up after working all day just to help me get all my homework done because they knew I couldn’t have any more missing assignments.”

Tara ignored the way her vision began to blur again as tears filled her eyes. “So, if you’re going to just judge my relationship with her,” Tara said, her voice stronger than she ever imagined it would be with what she was about to say. “Then you can just go back to wherever the hell it is you’ve been hiding.”

Sam’s eyes were once again glued to the floor. “You really trust them,” Sam said, though it didn’t come out as a question.

“With my life,” Tara said without hesitation.

Sam nodded to herself before pushing off the wall. Tara’s eyes tracked her movements as she crossed the room and took the seat you had previously occupied at her bedside. “So, how did you two get together?”

Tara gave her a soft smile. Maybe Sam did miss her after all, maybe coming back wasn’t just because she got attacked, Sam didn’t approve of Tara’s relationship with you, but she was willing to accept it, she was actually asking about you. No one had ever actually asked Tara about how the two of you got together, not without a snide comment following the question at least, or there was always an eyeroll of some sort.

“I had a crush on them for forever,” Tara said, giving a small eyeroll. She thought you were cute from the second she saw you. “We were in photography together.” The class was usually filled with seniors because the teacher was fun, and most students didn’t have the previously needed classes before then, but Tara took nothing but art electives in middle school, so she was able to take it as a freshman.

“They didn’t complain when I sat next to them and they got stuck doing partner projects with me,” she continued. Most seniors would complain about being stuck partnered with a little fourteen-year-old freshman, but you didn’t complain one bit, you even listened to Tara’s ideas of what to photograph, you treated her just like any other peer.

“It was a yearlong class, we became friends,” Tara looked down at her fingers continuing to pick at the blanket. “That December, I turned fifteen, mom went out of town. I’m pretty sure she forgot what day it was, but she was very busy.” Tara shook her head, even after all the years of consistent disappointment she was still making excuses for her mother. “But Y/N learned it was my birthday after I was grumpy all of class, or at least that’s what they said.” Tara pouted; she still didn’t think she had been grumpy.

“That night she knocked on my door, it was the first time we saw each other outside of class.” Tara shook her head at the memory of her opening the front door to see you standing there, an awkward smile on your face as you shifted from foot to foot. “She brought me a cupcake.”

“What are you doing here?” Tara asked, her mouth hanging open as she stared at you. Out of all the people to be knocking on her door she never expected it to be you.

“Oh, I,” you said, chuckling awkwardly as you rubbed a hand on the back of your neck. “I know it’s your birthday and I-” you held out a little plastic container.

Tara furrowed her brow but took the little container from you. She opened the lid, revealing a singular chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing. She looked back up at you, her wide eyes beginning to fill with tears. No one had done anything like that for her before. Her mother forgot her birthday and the last true celebration she ever had was before her father left, before Sam left. Her friends offered to do things with her, Judy would offer to bake for her, and Chad and Mindy’s mom would invite her over for dinner, but it always felt like they pitied her, like they felt bad that none of her family loved her enough to stick around or remember her birthday.

“I-I know it’s not much,” you said, breaking Tara out of her thoughts. “Maybe it’s weird-it’s weird I did this,” you gestured to the cupcake, though your eyes were glued to your shoes, refusing to meet Tara’s gaze. “I just think everyone deserves a little something on their birthday.”

Making sure to be careful of the cupcake in her hands, Tara stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of you and flinging an arm around the back of your neck. You froze as soon as her arm went around you but after a second, she felt you slowly relax. You knew what it was like to be alone, your parents gave you up when you were a baby, you never even knew what it was like to have a family. Even though Tara didn’t know what it was like to be an orphan, she knew what it was like to be abandoned by her entire family.

“Thank you,” Tara mumbled before pulling away.

You gave her a soft smile, your eyes flicking down to the floor for a second before meeting her gaze again. “Happy birthday Tara,” you said.

Tara gave you a wave as you made your way back to your car, quietly closing the door once she saw you driving off. A part of her wished you had stayed but just the idea that you had gone out of your way to bring her a cupcake was enough. She took her cupcake to the kitchen, sitting it on the island before picking it up and taking a huge bite. It was perfect and delicious; Tara was going to make sure to do something nice for your birthday as well.

Tara smiled at the memory. You and Tara never talked about that day, the next day at school Tara went to class, she sat next to you, and it was never brought up. You didn’t make a big deal out of what you did for her, she knew it didn’t change anything, but it definitely didn’t help her crush on you. You were nice but she couldn’t even bring herself to classify the two of you as friends, you were just someone who talked to her in class, and yet you were kind enough to go out of your way and get her a cupcake when you realized she didn’t have anyone there on her birthday. Tara never forgot that day though, she knew you didn’t forget about it either because when the two of you became true friends you always managed to get her a chocolate cupcake and it tasted just as good as the first one.

“I didn’t see her after she graduated, not until the next summer,” Tara continued. “I was bored, mom was gone, so I got a summer job at the video store with Liv.”

“Where Y/N happened to work,” Sam said.

Tara nodded. “Ended up bonding over the fact that we were doing all the work while Liv would flirt with guys.” Tara chuckled to herself, she didn’t know how many times she and you were restocking movies and she’d look up to see Liv flirting with someone at the counter. “She would also give me a ride home when we got off at the same time.” Her car rides with you back to her house were her favorite moments of the day, she wasn’t stressed about work, or worried about her mom, she was just at peace with you talking about whatever new movie she had seen, you would listen as she rambled on and on.

“We became actual friends, and I still had my crush,” Tara said. “I would ramble to Amber for hours about her despite Ambers clear disdain for her.” Tara rolled her eyes, even before she got together with you Amber practically hated your guts.

“I wasn’t sure if she liked me back,” Tara admitted. “Not in that way but then on my seventeenth birthday I decided to take a chance.” Tara smiled; it was more like she was talking to herself than to Sam now. “We had a small party, she stuck around to help me clean up and I just kissed her.”

“You don’t have to clean up,” Tara said. “You are technically my guest.”

“And leave the birthday girl to do all the cleaning up?” you asked, spinning around as you continued to walk around filling a trash bag. “That’s just bad manners.”

“Thank you.” Tara grabbed a few more empty cups, bringing them over as you held the trash bag open for her.

“Anytime.” You looked at Tara with the same soft gaze you always did, wearing the same small smile you always seemed to have around her. “Oh!” you dropped the garbage bag and ran to the refrigerator. “Before I forget.” You rummaged around in the fridge before turning around, holding a little plastic container with a chocolate cupcake inside. A shy smile slowly took over Tara’s face as you made your way back towards her. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

You flipped open the lid, then pulled out a little box of candles from your pocket. Tara chuckled as you stuck one of the candles in the cupcake. You brought out a lighter next, lighting the candle and holding out the cupcake towards her. Tara shook her head, hoping her inevitable blush wasn’t noticeable. She closed her eyes before leaning forward and blowing out the candle.

“What did you wish for?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Tara gently took the cupcake out of your hands and sat it on the kitchen island. She looked up at you, letting out a shaky breath for what she was about to do. “For some courage and for you not to be mad at me.”

You furrowed your brow. “Why would I-”

Tara reached up, grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss. She felt your entire body freeze and just as she was about to pull away you leaned forward, eagerly reciprocating the kiss. Your hands found her waist, instantly pulling her closer to you. Tara smiled into the kiss, feeling you do the same as it went on for a few more seconds.

“We’ve been together ever since,” Tara said, smiling the same way she had the first time she kissed you, the same way she always did when it came to you.

“I can’t say I’m thrilled about your relationship,” Sam said. Tara opened her mouth, ready to go on a tangent about you again but Sam continued before she could get a word out. “But I’ll try to learn to accept it.”

Tara looked up at Sam, giving her a soft smile. “Thank you.”

Sam got up, opening the door to allow you and her boyfriend to come back in. You instantly moved to Tara’s side, silently asking her if everything was okay, not taking a seat by her bedside again until she gave you a small smile. You glanced at Sam who spared you a side glance before going back to talking to her boyfriend. Tara sighed, she knew it would take time for Sam to get used to you being around, which she would have to do if she actually wanted to be a part of Tara’s life.

[lasirenatarot]

“ LOOKS-MAXXING ” pick-a-card reading.💝

Your next glow up.

What can you do in order to have a big glow up?

Pick a pink 90s magazine cover:

—>Pile 1

Your next glow up will most likely be related to getting « in peace » with your s€xuality prior to glowing up both physically and mentally. What I mean by this is you will probably need to get rid of any self doubts about your looks, any shame around your $£xual side due to past traumas or for some the way you were raised, some may have been raised in a controlling or conservative family.

One of the ways you can make this glow up happen is if you really enjoy your life and what you do. Try to practice your hobbies more and work on bettering your natural talents, by doing that you may find your purpose in this world and this will lead to the biggest glow up ever.. for some it may lead them to their dream career.

Something which appears in the cards is that you may need to forgive your parents or parental figures for the way they treated you in order to reach peace within yourself and your physical body. Forgive yourself as well for not acting in the « right way » or not looking a certain way, this is the best you could do at that point of your life . It is all in the past.

As for a physical glow up: judging by the pictures shown on the cards that fell, maybe start focusing on a regular work out routine, focusing on legs, butt or whatever you feel like you need to improve. Updating your clothing style may benefit you a lot. Stop caring about what others would say and pick clothes which give you freedom of expression, be yourself shamelessly. Some of you who chose this pile may have some creative vision which they may have been scared to express - do it. Meditation may help with your « glow up » in some form as well. Try bolder makeup looks and outfit choices.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 1:

The vibes I get from this pile is totally Julia Fox as a persona,not only style wise. She’s unapologetically herself, maybe for some she’s a bit weird. But the main point is, despite people’s opinions and perceptions of her, she has always followed her own rules and expressed herself. Before she got famous she was a dominatrix, did a photobook, an art exhibition aand starred in a famous movie in which her character was inspired by her real life . All this happened because she was authentic,lived her life the way she wanted and followed her heart, exactly what u should do as well,pile 1.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 2

Pile 2, you’re going through or will go through a huge transformation.. luck will definitely be on your side and you may find out answers for things which you’ve always wanted to know about. ( it can be pretty much about anything. If we are talkibg about a physical glow up exclusively, you may learn some very good beauty hacks soon. It can be about makeup, diet, exercise, skin care, personal development etc.. this is a general reading so I cannot be exact but whatever your case is it will lead to a HUGE glow up. Two of the cards are talking about some « secret knowledge » so whatever it is it will be significant for you.

This pile is very different from the first one as the glow up that appears here is not just about one or two things in your life or looks, it’s about everything. The things you can do in order to glow up faster, pile2, is maybe start watching makeup tutorials and pay attention to new techniques or products you haven’t heared before, ask people for where they shop they may tell you some secret thrift store with really cool clothes which can uplift your style.. anything which can help you get this « secret knowledge » which appeared in the cards. Another thing I can say for this pile is: focus on manifestation, envision the changes in your looks or life as a whole you would like to have and act accordingly in your 3D universe in order to get to where you want to be. Positive affirmations and subliminals (as in subliminals I mean not the crazy unrealistic ones, but those about self concept, confidence and beauty in general) may also be helpful in your case.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 2:

The vibes I get here are Fran from “The Nanny” and Maddy from “Euphoria”. Fashionable, bold, colourful. Radiating confidence. Crystals, glitter, sparkle, feathers, bold and colourful makeup, everything of that sort. Do not dim your own light to make someone else feel better about themselves if they are insecure.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 3

Pile 3: I think you would definitely be bettering your financial situation sooner than you may have even expected, this may help you get a glow up. You would be able to afford nicer things, skincare, clothes, procedures etc.. If you’re not already on a path to improve your finances, then you would definitely be motivated to start working on this problem soon and be very committed on your mission of « glowing up » in every way possible. Physically, mentally, spiritually even. You will be finding yourself after a long period of feeling lost and unlike your true self.

You would become much more intuitive, confident and cut throat even, you won’t let energy vampires use you as they may have done in the past and this would lead to a more beautiful and healthy version of you, because you would not have to deal with others’ negativity anymore. When it comes to relationships you would not be satisfied with with mediocrity, you will be finally standing your ground and being true to your standards and what you deserve. You will be getting your justice if you’ve been mistreated in the past.

This pile has huuuge « femme fatale » « dark feminine » vibe. This may be the energy you will be channeling after you have your glow up. Doing classic makeup like red lipstick+ black eyeliner, black smokey eyes and nude lips combo might help you channel this energy that i am seeing here better. Wearing colours like: red, black, gold and nude might help you elevate your look. Also wearing jewelry, lace and high heels. Don’t be scared to embrace your « dark side » which you may have ignored in the past in order to fit in with the crowd.

May sound trivial, but follow your intuition and do what makes you happy, it will make you glow in ways which you have not expected..

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 3:

The vibes I’m getting here are as I said in previous paragraphes: femme fatale, dark feminine energy,monica bellucci core type of look/aesthetics..

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

That was all from today’s PAC. It was a bit different from previous ones and I myself did not expect it to turn out the way it did, but sometimes completely different information pops up in readings because someone needs to hear a certain thing.. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Leave a comment/feedback if it resonated, share and follow for more.

Thank you for reading!

- La Sirena💋

Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;

Photos are from pinterest; all credits to their respective owners.

[daskolas]

PAC: HOW WILL YOUR REST OF 2023 GO.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Ask yourself questions "how will my rest of 2023 go" and see where your intuition is taking you.

This is a general reading so it may or may not resonate with you

Pile-1 , pile-2, pile-3

PILE - 1

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: You're trying to get your life structured this month. You are making a timetable or anything to get organised or even just try to devote time to things like doing workout everyday, spending time with yourself. Some of you could be waiting for someone's text and are not able to sleep because of that. So don't worry about it. Whether you receive that text or not, it will depend on fate. You sometimes have to let things go. Rest of you are overthinking about your future a lot so remember that overthinking won't take you anywhere, put efforts and take care of your health. You could have some issues with someone about how they want different things than you. For, some of you, it is internal (especially for people whose initials are R, T, A, N). Expect something to change and it will be fruitful.

OCTOBER: this month is more about reaping benefits of the seeds you sow. You will be dating someone. That person will be flirtatious and dramatic. Plan your steps with an eye to the long term. Don't make decisions quickly, analyse pros and cons according to the long term. Have some patience because you never know when you will receive something good. Learn to understand when you have to listen to your heart or mind. This will come very handy this month. Do not feel trapped because you will be longer stuck in that situation. Plan what to do next step carefully. Trust your intuition. Especially, do some chakra meditation. This month is about making decisions, thinking and falling for someone.

NOVEMBER: you will be leaving a bad habit behind. That habit which was holding you back and making you feel trapped. It can even be a person. Try to bring fun into things. Do not do them as some chores but make them fun. This month you really need to believe in yourself and have some self love. A lack of self confidence can keep you back from getting what you want. You have to realise that you are powerful and you can take back anything you want. A journey is now complete. You will also get success. I am not getting a lot for this month but learning to love yourself is the main highlight.

DECEMBER: you will have a financial windfall in December. Expect to receive money and some person who will support you. What I am getting is that, carry a notepad with you and write down whatever ideas you are having. You will have to learn how to communicate effectively. If you are getting some good ideas then implement it. Review your past and present and see how far you have come. Do not hold yourself onto certain standards or judge yourself, do whatever you feel like and however you feel like. You can also go to someplace or even purchase a vehicle. You will realise your dreams and will go after them this month. You will also try to come out of your comfort zone and feel more optimistic.

This was your reading pile 1. I hope it resonated.

PILE - 2

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: you are not seeing something clearly this month. It seems like you are trying to ignore or take granted all the things you have and wishing to have other things. Many people who chose this pile are trying to manifest something important. If you will be focusing on what you don't have, you will not be able to manifest. Show some gratitude and see how fast things come for you. And also someone needs to hear this " A bright future is manifested through hard work and creativity." You will also feel satisfied from the work you have done. Many of you are afraid to take action even though you have plans and everything. So, take this as a sign and take some action. It will be great for you, if you will be fearless and pursue your dreams.

OCTOBER: you will get a friend with whom you can share your feelings with, without feeling any sort of judgement from them. You can feel a little powerless this month but if you realise how wonderful you are, then you will be easily able to overcome challenges. Leave people who are no longer serving you and align yourself with people who have high spiritual ideals. This month you will need to come out of your box and consider new and creative modes of accomplishing your goals. But you will be looking at the future with hope and optimism so that hope will make you do hard work. You might also question your plans but you will also come to the conclusion that your plan is not wrong but something else is.

NOVEMBER: expect to receive some good news. And you will also be able to be successful in your work. It doesn't matter if you are working or school but this month is great for you. If you are required to make some career decisions, then follow your passion. BE THE BEST AT WHAT YOU DO. you will also be able to stop procrastinating and put efforts in your work. If you have to make decisions, then do not overanalyze it as you will be more confused by this. Reach out to others when you are required to do. Take advice from people. Some of you will feel like they are leaving some things behind so know that you are on the right path.

DECEMBER: I see that you are still carrying things which you should have completed in November itself. But listen to your brain when you have to find some solution to anything. There can also be some unexpected change like you have to move to another state or something but it will be sudden only. You will also be ignoring the information which is presented right in front of you because it will not be exactly what you want to hear. Don't be deterred by challenges. Know that a challenge is something which makes the things worth doing. You will also be able to manifest something and make good progress in some endeavours

This was your reading pile 2. I hope it resonated.

PILE - 3

Hii, welcome to your pile. I hope 2023 has been treating you well. Here is your reading:

SEPTEMBER: you are going to take control of your life. Some of you are going back to school or even deciding to. You are trying to show more gratitude or forgiveness to other people. It's like trying out a new thing where you basically change your life maybe by doing different manifestation challenges or something. You might also do some more self- care like doing skincare, working out, eating healthy etc. This month is going to be great for you as you will be able to come in contact with your inner child.

OCTOBER: you are moving into a new direction. Maybe you are planning to start something new or following something which you always wanted to do. October is going to be great for you to take action as this month is about moving forward. But you could also question yourself, if you should move forward with this. You are planning things for a bright future and hence comparing traditional vs modern methods. You will also receive some good news. If you are doing something creative for free, then expect to earn something from them. This month will bring you lots of happiness but it will also require you to work very hard.

NOVEMBER: the good news which I mentioned above, looks like you are going to have a celebration in November because of it. You also are going to be cutting off toxic people or those people who are no longer matching your energy. This will make you feel alone and constantly overthinking about it. You could also be starting to question your decision, if that's the right thing to do. You might focus on worst-case scenarios. You are also becoming a lot focused on your career or education this month. It looks like you are taking back the control which you needed. You are also recognising all the blessings and being grateful for them. For some people, some person in your family might get married.

DECEMBER: you are going to be in touch with your spiritual side much more. Like you could start meditating for balancing different chakras especially the third eye. You are going to listen to your intuition or even feel more confident in that side. You are also going to give yourself proper rest like hibernating. Some self-reflection will really help you so much this month. You will also be hanging out with your small group of friends or the people you trust most. In October, i said about overthinking. Looks like you are going to let go of all the fear and worry this month.

This was your reading pile 3. I hope it resonated.

[sintember]

Sintember 2024 - Official Prompts

Throwback Thursday prompts have been decided, so here is the official list of prompts for this year! Plain text and flavour texts for each prompt are below the cut.

Innocence - What would you do to preserve it, what will be done to tarnish it?

You just let it happen - Bystander, victim or accomplice, perhaps you shouldn't have let it pass...

Fame - Intoxicating in its power, mesmerising in its influence.

Can't let go - Everything you've tried to, has claw marks in it.

Throwback Thursday #1: Coercion - Subtle application of threat, the brute force of physicality, or could it be someone’s will itself working into their brain?

I love you - I do I do I do I do I do.

Forgotten - And time moves on.

"You are beneath me." - How does the boot taste?

Horrifying concept, thank you - A small change in the world could be a nightmare.

Replaced - You aren't what you were. To yourself, to them.

Self-care - Why feel guilty for a little treat?

Throwback Thursday #2: Captivity - How long has it been? Does the sound of your captor getting closer bring fear or hope. Has it been long enough to become joy?

"Why won't you stay dead?!" - It keeps coming back to this, again and again and again.

"It wasn't me!!" - But why would they believe you?

Learning - Maybe some things are better left unknown

On Display - Like a product on a shelf, no hiding from the eyes.

Pick a Side - You're torn, of course you are, but the time has come where the only other option is to lose both.

"You came back?" - But is it too late? What's done is done.

Throwback Thursday #3: You weren't supposed to enjoy that... - Are they judging you? Really??

Well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions... - How inconvenient and unexpected and harrowing for you.

Tragic Backstory - We all know you've done horrible things to your OCs that you haven't put anywhere else. ;)

Ownership - Mine.

It's just business - No need to get all personal about it.

Revenge - A dish best served however the hell you want.

Magnum Opus - One's greatest work, one that will go down in history.

Throwback Thursday #4: Obsession - Love? Hate? Lust? Fear? Worship? Whatever the case, it’s all they can think about.

Too good to be true - And thus...

Cultivation - What does it take to make this grow, for a good harvest?

BDSM done wrong - Self-explanatory, really. :3

True Freedom - As always, write whatever you like~

[sagstelliums]

(Left to right) what’s your archetype?

Pile 1

I see that you are the student and thief archetype, I see that you may like to keep your knowledge to yourself and you like to play dumb or act naive. I see that you know things that can hurt others and people don’t expect you to know the things you do, I see that you’re good at seeing things in others that they don’t recognize within themselves. Sometime you can be codependent and sometimes your ego can get in the way of you learning important things. Signs- cancer/aquarius. Initials- N, O, Z, Y, V, I, G

Pile 2

I see that you have the archetype of rescuer and judge, I see that a lot of people depend on you and trust you. I see that people expect you to guide them or help them because of how knowledgeable you are, I see that you are very caring and generous without expecting anything in return. I see that you are very fair or balanced and you’re good at mediating, I see that you set an example for a lot of people and a lot of people admire you. You are very honorable in most peoples eyes and reliable, people know that even though you’re a nice person you can be strict sometimes. People can tell that you value structure and you like being stable/grounded, people like that you have a strong sense of justice. Signs- cancer/capricorn. Initials- P, A, W, B

Pile 3

I see that you have the archetype of lover and pioneer, I see that you have a lot of things you’re passionate about and you love hard. I see that you put you’re all into everything you do and sometimes you can be impatient, I see that you’re very devoted when it comes to the things you desire. You’re very humble and appreciative, you always find the silver lining in tough situations. I see that you’re good at solving problems and you dislike stagnation, I see that you may have a hard time staying consistent because of your lack of patience. I see that you may move on quickly and you accept change or transformations, I see that you may get a lot of attention in your love life and you have no problem moving on from people or things that don’t serve you anymore. I see that you may like to travel or you may move around a lot and you can find the beauty in anything, I see that you love exploring or trying new things and may get bored easily. Signs- Gemini, Aquarius, Leo, cancer. Initials Y, W, C

Pile 4

I see that you have the archetype of addict and angel, I see that you help a lot of people without even expecting anything in return. You work hard and you try your best to be a good person or treat others the same way you want to be treated, I see that you have a hard time saying no to external forces. I see that you help a lot of people and you have a hard time helping yourself, I see that people may not give you the recognition or attention you deserve but no good deed goes unnoticed. I see that you may appear to gentle or shy to a lot of people but you have a lot of inner strength, I see that you’re very nurturing and you may have spiritual gifts that you aren’t aware of. Signs- Taurus/aries. Initial- N, I, T, G, Y

Please watch my Sagittarius general reading on YouTube, personal readings always available

[leoascendente]

Messages from your guides 🦋

-Reuploaded and reedited old Pac-

Hi loves! Welcome to this pac about what your guides want to tell you. This pac is an old one I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. Take a deep breath before choosing your pile, take what resonates and leace what doesn't. Hope you like it 💕

Decks I used: Tarot of the Faeries, goddess guidance oracle, astrodices.

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

(Left-> pile 1/ Middle-> pile 2/ Right-> pile 3)

Pile 1:

Welcome pile 1! I see you've been very busy with a goal you want to achieve, maybe related to your job, studies, family, a glow up... idk what it is but it has took a lot of your time and energies and you might feel like you have lost some opportunities for yourself on the road because of giving too much attention to other priorities. This can be giving you some anxiety, you might be feeling exhausted and energetically drained because all the energy you've been investing, don't think you lost any opportunity or have lost time in not so important things, there are times when we think we have a great chance to do something but if the plan doesn't goes on it's because Universe has something better for you in store you haven't discovered yet, or simply it’s not the best time to make it and you must wait a little more to be in the perfect timing.

Your worries can be solved in a more peaceful stage than you are now, do something that helps you fight that anxiety and clear up your mind to take the next steps without any baggage. Go and take a walk on nature, give yourself an spa day at home or simply light an incense and meditate a few minutes, your mind needs rest and peace, so give yourself the time you need to recharge energies, you know you can't keep going on with all that noise in your head, the world won't fall down if you take a day off. Think about something nice to do for yourself and simply do it, we both know you need it and you'll be thankful with yourself after giving you that time, also if you could apply this self love activities as part of your daily rutine it would be great, like taking a day every week to do something that makes you happy and raise your vibration.

Your guides want to tell you that this is just a phase of your path and it will end to give birth to new chapter, they want you to learn to treat yourself in the same beloving and protective way you treat others and that’s why your guides make so much emphasis into self care and resting. Maybe you're used to to take care of others or being over productive but you are leaving yourself and your wellbeing behind and your guides want you to invest more time, patience and love in the way you treat yourself. Remember how strong and fierce you really are, you're full of power so take that leadership energy to determine where do you want to lead your life at the same time you give to you some time to relax and disconnect, a clear mind takes better decitions in life. Also, you have a big power to manifest, so positive affirmations could work very good for you at this moment, as a personal recomendation look in YouTube for positive affirmations while sleeping and play them at night, when we are asleep our brain is more receptive to this.

The astrodices tells you that you should be focusing into expressing your ideas with others and don't repress yourself, there’s a huge importance here in unblock your throat chakra to communicate yourself in a clearer and better way. You need to be honest with yourself and others, if you don’t agree with someone you have the right to say it and you have also the right to share your opinions without the fear of being judged, attacked or rejected, if someone gets mad over an opinion it’s their problem not yours always you are being respectful and polite expressing it. You need to socialize a little more, getting out of your routine and spend more time with the people you love, you really need this cozy time to gain strengths for an upcoming offer that Universe is going to bring you soon and you won't reject. There’s a new golden door opening up for you but you are not aware of this yet, would be good if you move the energies aroud you, it can be as simple as making excercise or dancing to move your own energies or maybe changing the furniture distribution in the space you spend more time in, try a little change so the energies can flow to you in a more peaceful way.

-Your guides want you to know that they promise you a great and bright future, and inside of you, you already know you're going to reach the stars if you propose to. The only thing that keeps you away from your goals is your own mind and perfectionism, so trust in yourself and your potential, allow yourself to fail and keep in mind that great things take time to come and for you, there are a lot of miracles about to come that you can even imagine yet. Btw, if you're having some economical difficulties just take time, keep strong by now because very soon the most random and unexpected solution will appear in your life, so stop worrying so much about that aspect, your needs will be supplied. You have made it until now and your guides want you to know how proud they are of you by giving you the blessings you deserve, be open to receive them. Also, to attract abundance the best key is to practice gratitude, make yourself a gratitude journal or simply list all the things you are thankful for, from a blanket to keep you warm at nights to a friend that worries about you, you’ll see how naturally blessed and abundant you really are.

Pile 2:

Hi, pile 2 and welcome to your reading! The number 4 has appeared a lot in your spread, maybe this number is important for you or it’s going to be repeating a lot, number 4 is related to spiritual protection and divine guidance. I see that you have lift some healthy boundaries around you to protect the important things for you, maybe you've been starting a new project and you have been quiet about what you're doing, idk what it is but I see you very protective about you and what you are planning for your future, like you really want this plan to work perfectly and you refuse to let anybody ruin your hard work and manifestations. You're doing the best for you and you know it, you are being more confident and you feel a lot more powerful but I must warn you that not everybody likes to see you doing so well, there's an energy of envy and jealousy from someone in your enviroment, probably a woman or dominant femenine energy that has some internal wounds that she is projecting onto you, so you're doing great by keeping your goals for yourself and not spread your victories with everybody, sometimes people that is vibing in insecurities and envy can send negative energy subconsciously to their object of desire, something like evil eye but not exactly evil eye, keeping money, career and love life private is the best protection you can make use of at the moment.

Now you are in a triumph moment so enjoy it with your beloved ones of the fruits of your labor, the people close to you that trully loves you will celebrate your victories by your side and will be glad of all the good you have achieved. Give yourself credit for all you have done to be in your current situation, maybe it’s the time to give yourself a gift for your hard and great work because you are doing amazing and you deserve a prize, something that motivates you to keep reaching goals. For helping yourself to attract success, your guides ask you to do more fun things and indulge yourself more often, you deserve to enjoy and have more fun, you are going through a massive glow up and you also deserve to see the admiration in the eyes of others when they look at you. You'll find out how many miracles happens in your daily life and your conection with your guides will make so much stronger, also this will improve your intuition and it will help you to see clearly when people has bad intentions with you to know when you have to keep your guards up, you’ll feel highly protected by your spiritual team and you'll see how people will want you to liked them, you are going to feel a new level of confidence you never imagined.

Soon you will get an unexpected invitation to go somewhere or do something different and you will feel very confortable with the plan, you will meet nice people and open up for them, you'll let your walls down for this new people entering your life to create new and healthy connections with others, something inside of you will tell you they are trustworthy and they will feel the same for you. There you'll find a soulmate, maybe a best friend or a love interest, it wil be different for each of you but will be someone that will bring so much joy to your life, I see this specific person is part of your soul tribe and will help you improve the best parts of you, so allow them to enter into your life and enjoy the unconditional love you deserve and are about to receive.

The astrodices tell you to be more adventurous and go more often out of your comfort zone, it’s the moment to release control and embrace the unknown, this will help you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin, also this will remind you how resourceful and wise you are and you ability to move driven by your intuition. It’s your time to have fun with life, to laugh and enjoy the blessing life brings you, to explore your creativity and to be open to new oportunities. Being logical, productive and grounded are great qualities but when we learn to flow and stop trying to control the outcome is when we receive the best ressults, work with assumption law and believe that your dream life is already yours, your future self is living it. Everything will be more than fine.

-Your guides want you to know that you are in a process of transformation, Kali appeared in your spread to tell you that somethings are made to live with the old version of you and they have to keep in the past while you move into the future. Embrace the changes of endings and watch the beauty of the new beginings with the eyes of a child, let yourself get impressed with the little miracles of life and how you are surrounded by them, I see you are more creative and graceful than you realize. Also your guides ask you to make a sacred space for you to recconect with your inner self when you get overwhelmed with your responsabilities, make a corner in your house where you can light some candles, play good music and relax from the daily rutine, you deserve to have moments of joy with yourself. As a recommendation, you should get a tourmaline, a Tiger eye or any protective stone or charm, to keep negativity away from you. Also, your guides wants to make you know how proud they are of you.

Pile 3:

Wow, pile 3, your energy is so soft and tender, I really love it 😍. I see you are very sensitive and nurturing to people (maybe Cancer or water vibes), you enjoy of making people happy and counseling and comforting them when they need a friendly help, you like making other people’s life a lot more easier. I can also see that you might be an empath or extremely intuitive, you have a very witchy vibe, when i connect with your energy, faeries and buterflies come to my mind, so I feel that you are a very special person and probably have some extrasensorial gift, surely this is my spiritual pile.

Anyway, your sensibility to energies and emotional states of other people might have opened the door to some narcissist people come into your life, you are so loving when it comes to care the needs of others that you can leave yourself in a second place for attending other people's feelings. Right now there are some people in your life that are draining your energies and are not leaving anything positive back, analize with a cold point of view who are the people in your enviroment that are always coming to you to solve their problems for them, for sure you'll find someone in your life that has this toxic trait with you. You'll have to act in a more selfish way ( I don't like the word selfish to describe this but I’m doing my best with my English), put yourself, your feelings and your needs as the first and most important things in your life and if someone is taking too much from you, just stop them, you deserve to be on a pedestal and treat yourself with the same kindness and love you treat others.

When you start limitating and setting healthy boundaries to this kind of people you'll see how your energies start to raise up and you will begin to feel better with yourself. Your ideas will clear up and you will start to see things with a wider perspective, being loving and nurturing with people that reciprocate what you give them, but also being gentle and aware of your feelings and when someone is hurting them. This can be difficult when you've been used to to take so much care of others, but when you start giving to yourself the same amount (or more if it’s possible) you give to the rest of people it's a transformative experience, like in pile 1, you deserve to feel the love you share.

The astrodices tell you that you need a change in your habits or routine, more self care is needed in order of your wellbeing. In the other piles the energy is really focused into success but this one is an expansive energy that emanates to others but leave a very little for yourself, like you are taking away things you like or want to do to please others. You got Venus, Pisces and the 6th house that talk about getting in touvh with your sensibility and befriend it, with pisces there’s also the message to connect more with your spirit guides, they are really close to you but they can’t interfere in your life if you don’t give them permission for the Divine intervention. You’ll be going through some kind of spiritual awakening that will make you more intuitive when it comes to negative people or enviroments, allow Universe guide you through this chapter of your path and increase the amount of time and love you invest in yourself.

Your guides want you to know that you are spiritualy protected, you have more guides than usual, so there's nothing to worry about, your spirit team is big and powerful. The ones that plant seeds of love in the world will get the love multiplied in the harvest, you have planted light in the hearts of the people that come into your life, appreciate those lovely attributes about yourself and don't let anybody darken this, you are full of love and it’s admirable how anybody can take that off from you. Work in your inner peace and wellbeing and set the healthy boundaries you need to protect yourself, in the higher planes there are a lot of spirits taking care of you so trust that they won't let nobody treat you in a bad way without paying it back. For connecting in a deeper sense with your guides you can take a minutes to meditate, light some rosemary or cover a white candle with honey and cinnamon to attract happinness.

[autisticwriterblog]

Izzy, Ed and abuse

okay, so I’ve seen a few people talking about Izzy and Ed, and it genuinely disturbs me that I’ve seen people deny that Izzy is a victim of abuse. By most definitions, physical abuse is categorised as causing physical harm to another person’s body with intent to hurt them. Some things, like punching Izzy for selling Stede out, or choking him for saying hateful stuff when Ed was at his lowest, whilst not acceptable in the real world, are perfectly normal reactions for a pirate to have toward a member of his crew, so I’m not talking about things like that.

But the toe scene and the early parts of season 2 are clearly abusive, and only by sheer character bias (framing Ed as someone who could never do anything wrong) can you look at the way Ed treats Izzy and not consider Izzy a victim. Izzy and Ed have had a mutually toxic relationship for a long time, judging by their interactions, but I personally only see abusive behaviour starting with the toe scene. And the abusive one is Ed. Which shouldn’t be a controversial thing to say, considering what we see on screen, and yet…

Even at the end of season one, we saw Ed cut Izzy’s toe off and force him to eat it, and it is confirmed in season 2 that he took two more toes. He is even about to take a fourth toe when Izzy reports that the crew refused to throw their treasure overboard, and Izzy doesn’t argue, much unlike in season 1, when he often bitched at Ed for his decisions. Now, Izzy just takes the punishment.

Things between them come to a head when Ed shoots Izzy in the leg, leading to infection, and the amputation of his leg. He even puts a gun in Izzy’s hand, directly leading to Izzy’s suicide attempt. And in the end, all Izzy gets is a mumbled apology and that's that.

I know many people don’t like Izzy, but do they not sympathise with him? I’ll be first to admit that I don’t like Ed and Stede (I used to, but season 2 made me dislike them more and more for reasons too complicated to go into now), but I feel bad for them when bad things happen to them. I got bullied as a child, so I sympathise with Stede in the flashbacks to his childhood, and I was horrified when I learned what Ed's father was like. I don't particularly like either of them, but I feel bad for them when they're suffering. Which is why I found it so strange and appalling that people who dislike Izzy seemed to find it funny when Izzy was crawling along the floor, or died a painful death.

Even ignoring Ed's treatment of Izzy, the way he treats the crew is abusive too. He overworks them, pushing them into three months of consecutive raids (assuming they did one raid a day), leaving them all so stressed that Fang seems to always be crying. He forces Jim and Archie to fight to the death for no reason other than he said so. He expects Frenchie to kill Izzy, and it is clear how terrified Frenchie is the entire time he lies to Ed. The whole crew walk on eggshells around Ed because they don't know when he'll explode again. Basically, even if Izzy isn't being mentioned (and he should for the record, because he got the worst treatment - and he didn't deserve it, despite that some people seem to think being mutilated is a fair punishment for yelling at Ed), Ed was still abusive towards the crew. During that time period, Ed is incredibly unstable. He wants the world to burn and doesn't care who gets hurt along with him. Which is why the crew still show signs of trauma after Stede returns. Because they are traumatised by Ed's behaviour.

I know that Ed is a victim of abuse, and I have seen people bring this up when his abusive behaviour is mentioned. The thing is, it's perfectly possible for a victim to become an abuser themself, because they're a human being and are capable of doing bad things. Yes, survivors don't have to become abusive (see: my mum, who was smacked as a child but never raised a hand to her own children, because she didn't turn out like her parents), but it can happen. And that is what happened with Ed. There is even a direct parallel between Ed's dad throwing a plate against the wall, scaring Ed's mother, and the scene where Ed throws a chair against the wall, making Stede visibly flinched. If you want someone to be annoyed with about this comparison, don't pick the fans who are just noticing something in canon - blame the show for writing Ed doing the same thing his abusive father did.

In conclusion, Izzy fans aren't just making things up. We're pointing out things that canon showed onscreen and how Ed's behaviour toward Izzy is abusive. I wanted to like Ed this season, but the way the show wrote him made it impossible for me to tolerate him, because he treated everyone badly and they were expected to just move on. I understand that Ed is a romantic lead, but perhaps it wasn't a good idea to make your romantic lead act so abusive toward his subordinates and then never show any real consequences of that.

[remembrancer-of-heresy]

Courtly Love

[Part 1], [Part 2], [Part 3],

Summary: You become closer to Lucius and learn intriguing news about the Third Legion.

Lucius The Eternal/fem!Reader(Camellia)

Warnings: no for this part

Word count: 2359

Author's note: Very often canon can differ slightly in some aspects. In the codex, Lucius was a captain for a long time. But I stick to the book Fulgrim when he was promoted on Laeran. The previous captain of the 13th appeared for one part, but I still decided to give him a name.

Song: Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus

Tags: @passionofthesith

Several months have passed, but during this time you have collected an unprecedented amount of material, which would be enough for a full-fledged novel. And to be honest, you even decided to write a book about the exploits of the Third Legion through the eyes of one of the Space Marines.

Lucius was only happy to hear your proposal. Of course, you should write about him. All mortals should know about his excellent skills and fighting style. The swordsman was arrogant and boastful, but still did not tolerate absolute flattery.

So you were even less going to add countless epithets and compliments to Lucius, focusing on historical facts. You were sure that other remembrancers would probably not understand his personality and would do everything the other way around. This gave you confidence.

Although it was impossible to say that your relationship was purely professional. You often met in the training hall or in the corridors where you spent a lot of time. You didn't dare invite him to your quarters because you were shy (so what if he was a Space Marine), and he didn't want his brothers to see you.

"They'll only bother us with their unnecessary comments or laughter." - Lucius grimaced with displeasure while you were sitting in the corridor. - "Saul will make a sour face. He's so withdrawn, I don't think you'll be able to get a word out of him."

Saul Tarvitz was indeed a man of few words and restraint. You were sure that sooner or later such a Space Marine would accomplish great things. However, judging by everything, he didn't want to receive a new rank or recognition from the inhabitants of the Imperium.

Such nobility was catchy. But what is, is. It's unlikely that you could become his personal chronicler (although he treated you well). If you asked him about the Crusade (only to add notes to Lucius's stories to complete the picture, an approach your client approved of), he said very little. Not in the detail and color that you were accustomed to.

Lucius was a different character. You understood that he was a Space Marine, he was a participant in the Crusade. And yet you could not shake the thought that the Emperor's cause did not matter to him. Only his skill. There was no mention in his stories of the Imperial Truths, the incredible brotherhood of the Legion and other aspects that ordinary citizens were interested in.

No. In all his stories, the main and key figure was only himself. He fought against xenos, the enemies of humanity. But first and foremost, these were his enemies who dared to cross his path. And the Space Marine was always ready to demonstrate his exceptional talent.

And yet, while Lucius told you about his exploits, you could not help but look at him with admiration. He really was an outstanding swordsman. Besides, there was some kind of childish boyish spontaneity in him that melted your heart. You could forgive him all his sins. That was probably why Saul valued his friendship.

For now, the second person after the captain of the 13th company (that's what Lucius liked to call himself, and not just a soldier) was giving you all his free attention. And you didn't care where you communicated. Even now, sitting near one of the columns, you didn't pay any attention to the passing serfs or the occasionally appearing space marines.

Probably, such close communication was rare even in the Third Legion, judging by the sideways glances thrown at you.

“I still can't believe that you saw Rogal Dorn himself. More precisely, the fake Dorn. How is that even possible? Weren't you scared?” - you asked with interest, trying to write down all the details about the overthrow of Fausch's revolution.

“The local psykers did their best. The Imperial Fists weren’t really trying to annex the world if we had to work for them.” - the young man smiles, completely not understanding how to behave. - “And in general, even as a mortal, I was never afraid of anything. After becoming an Astartes, I can’t even more so.”

“And have you ever regretted that you can’t feel fear anymore?” - you quickly put away the notes. You didn’t want to offend Lucius with such a somewhat compromising question.

“Hm? Why is that? Fear prevents me from fighting, and I’m a warrior. Hey, why aren’t you writing this down?” - the young man blinked his eyes in bewilderment and for a second it seemed to you that he was about to pout like an offended child.

Probably because he never grew into a man, but became a living weapon.

“W-well, it's just a personal question. But if you want, I’ll continue writing.” - You suppressed a sigh, reaching for the device as the Marine nodded at you. - “It’s just that no matter how many times I read about knights. Both heroic and real ones, they were all afraid. But they… um, sought it out.”

“How can you strive to be afraid of everything around you? We must strive for perfection. Honing our combat skills, accepting mistakes. And fear. It’s…” - the young man involuntarily frowns, not understanding why he is explaining such simple thoughts to you. - “It’s a flaw. It’s imperfection.”

You bite your lip, thinking about the answer.

“It’s just that in all the stories I’ve read, it wasn’t the fear itself, but its overcoming that was akin to a heroic moment. Think about it, when you’re not afraid, it’s easy for you to do anything. It’s not the same as if you committed an act despite the horror that torments you. Isn’t that proof of the human spirit?”

Lucius listens to you almost spellbound, and you can imagine the gears turning in his head. And apparently they broke, because a moment later, Lucius looks at you questioningly, as if you had just told him an overly complex philosophical theory and forced him to repeat it word for word.

“So, to be the best warrior, I have to be afraid?”

“Well, not exactly. It’s not only fear that drives warriors.”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“I just wanted to.” - you hug your knees and look away. But you can still hear Lucius laughing at you. - “People know almost nothing about the Space Marines. You are the defenders of humanity, but at the same time, you are so… far from us.”

It was true. Many military men disliked the remembrancers. At least those who behaved arrogantly and did nothing but enjoy life. But you managed to get along with some of the soldiers. Some officers even commissioned portraits from famous artists, and others attended small concerts. And if you weren’t imagining things, one of the journalists even started an affair with an officer. Military and civilian, you were all people and you all had something in common.

But the Space Marines were a different kind. They were carriers of the gene-seed of the Primarchs themselves. The trials they went through made them not only the best warriors in the entire Imperium. They were almost immortal. But at the same time, the Astartes were living weapons, they could never know civilian life, all its aspects. They were deprived of these "weaknesses".

You understood that the Astartes were happy with such a life, and everyone in the Imperium was fine with it. They were chosen by the Emperor. It just made you sad sometimes. How can the best warriors of humanity protect this very humanity but not be a part of it?

"It's all nonsense. I'm not far." - you stared at the young man in surprise, before he spoke again. - "We are separated by a couple of centimeters. We are very close."

And in confirmation, the swordsman poked his finger into your shoulder. You didn't even know whether to laugh or cry. From all the stories Lucius told you, you got the impression of extreme intelligence and resourcefulness. But all this concerned battles, tactics and strategies. When it came to philosophy, he acted like a teen.

“Close indeed.” - you smiled softly at the Marine, intending to continue the conversation. However, a sudden shadow covered you, causing your gaze to fall on the troublemaker. Captain of the 13th Company Cletus Nero, to which Lucius belonged, was right there.

“And here is our chronicler. I haven’t seen you in a long time, otherwise Lucius is hiding you from us.” - the man smiled kindly at you and you thanked Terra again for the fact that Lucius’ captain turned out to be such a wonderful man.

Not only was he not against your communication with his soldier. Moreover, he respected the work of the remembrancers. In the Third Legion, there was much less coldness and even less hostility of the Astartes towards people of art. Consider it almost non-existent. And still, such connoisseurs continued to surprise. You heard that the First Captain often liked to visit artists and sculptors. Bet he left behind a ton of works with his face on them.

“We just have a lot to discuss. Right now Lucius told me about Fausch Revolution.” - you nod politely, a little embarrassed by the attention of a Space Marine of such a rank. And it seems that the Space Marine understood this. Only he was not going to spare you.

“Excellent. I have plenty of stories too. Especially since the captain’s point of view will help you understand the situation from a different perspective. There will be something to write about, won’t it?”

“Yes, that’s right.” - you hear Lucius nod in agreement and look at you with a serious expression. - “Captain Nero devised the plan that led to the siege being so successful. You should listen to it.”

“The boy is right. Our company distinguished itself. Fulgrim himself appreciated our contribution to the overall victory. You will definitely like it.” - the man smiled broadly and casually joked. - “Maybe even after my story you will decide to become my personal chronicler.”

It was too much. Too much attention. Not only were you still not used to the company of Space Marines (Lucius being an exception!). But Captain Nero was also so insistent that you cringed in embarrassment. And awkwardness. You could almost feel with every fiber of your being how those last words hurt Lucius.

He wanted so desperately to be appreciated. Lucius was so talented that he only went to the training hall out of boredom. His skills even got him invited to spar with other Space Marines. Lord Commander Eidolon himself!

But that wasn’t enough. Lucius wanted more. You saw it in his eyes, heard it in his words. The way he told you about the exploits of the Crusade, his exploits. The way he immediately transformed when it was time to communicate with a Marine of higher rank. The way he looked at them. He wanted to be one of them.

And now Commander Nero asks you to become his chronicler right in front of Lucius. And he gets angry, upset, despite the fact that it's just a joke and a simple offer. He can't tell him that you are his documentarian, he wants respect for himself. But he doesn't want to lose you either. For selfish purposes. Although partly you still believed that you really managed to become friends. After all, Lucius told too many details about himself.

"S-sorry, but I only want to be Lucius' remembrancer." - you pull your head into your shoulders in embarrassment, although the captain does not look upset. - "I will gladly listen to you, so that I can add more details to the records about him."

"Good. When I have time, I will catch you. But for now I need to leave. It seems that our first full-fledged company since Ullanor is planned. Lucius." - the man nods to the space marine and hurriedly leaves either for a council or a meeting. You weren't very clear on how the Third Legion was planning their next moves.

You felt awkward about the whole conversation, but Lucius was practically glowing with happiness. He was silent, which was unusual for him, and smiling. His green eyes could not left yours, and you felt how your cheeks warmed. Oh, he knew you said those words from the heart and he was grateful. An Astartes was grateful to a mortal girl. It was flattering.

"What-" - you hug your leg to your chest and look at the man with curiosity. - "What campaign?"

"Ah, the Xenon world Laeran. We encountered it just yesterday. Do you really not follow the news at all?" - seeing your apologetic look, Lucius turned his nose up, causing you to chuckle. - "Well, I'm not surprised, I take up almost all of your time. And now you'll be especially busy."

"Are you planning to attack that world?"

“Of course. These xenos are asking for it. Although from what I heard, the officials tried to dissuade the Primarch. Like, we can’t handle it. Pathetic scribes who don’t understand anything about war and still dare to tell us what to do, huh!” - the Space Marine almost spat, but stopped himself. - “But of course you’re not like that. Only the best chronicler writes about me, right?”

“That’s because I got the best Space Marine.” - you respond with praise and go quiet. Anxiety slowly envelops your body. Before this, you visited a couple of worlds and they were all uninhabited. This was your first full-fledged battle. - “I’m a little worried. Even here, in safety, I can’t help but realize that there’s a real battle going on on the surface. Will everything be fine?”

“Of course. We, the Third Legion, are renowned for our swordsmanship and first-class strategy. Perfection and death. That’s our motto.” - the man smiles kindly at you, calming all your worries. - “We’ll finish off the xenos before you can blink. But look at it from the other side. What fresh material you’ll write. I’ll tell you all the details after each mission.”

“Hope so.” - you’ve already started to think about how many stories Lucius will tell you in the heat of the moment. Maybe if you’re lucky, this time they’ll even let you go down to the surface of Laeran.

[sneezemonster15]

2 anti arguments

Sasuke moved to fight Orochimaru because of Sakura's words

Why would Sasuke look at Sakura's lips and then get mad when she smiled at Naruto if he wasn't jealous

Can you debunk

I am sure I have talked about this before, as have multiple others. Never mind, let us see.

As for your first question, there's nothing to debunk. Sasuke did get triggered by Sakura's jibe, but it would be wrong to say that he was entirely motivated by her words. That would be selective reading, which is quite immature and misleading, as it gives an incomplete picture of the story and characters. It's the wrong way to judge media.

First of all, one must understand that the story is NOT about SNS vs SS. All these 'SS said this and that' kind of questions come from dull SS stans who simply refuse to see the story as anything outside of SS. For them, the story starts with SS and ends with SS. Just like NH stans. Anything other than that does not successfully register on their minds. They don't care about the larger narrative or other sub/side narratives that converge together to make the manga what it is.

The story does NOT follow the narrative of whether Sasuke loved Naruto or Sakura. It's about Sasuke and Naruto's love, Sakura is not much more than plot device for their development.

1) Okay, as for the first question, what we need to fully comprehend that it is TEAM SEVEN fighting Orochimaru, not just Sasuke and Naruto. This is the panel anon is talking about.

True, Sakura doesn't really contribute much to the battle other than screaming Naruto! Or Sasuke kun!! But the point is, the teams either pass the test together or fail the test together. Mistake of even one member will cost the entire team and Sasuke is quite aware of it.

Okay, let's see what we have already understood in the story prior to forest of death arc. What is the context here?

Even before the Forest of death arc, we as readers have understood that Sasuke's propensity of entering the fight alone and consequently fighting alone as well, did not prove to be successful or even efficient.

This was the first lesson Sasuke learnt fighting as a member of team seven. He wasn't able to take the bells from Kakashi, because he acted on his own, and ignored the aspect of teamwork. Sasuke learnt from this. He learns that in order to achieve victory, he needs to be responsible and think about the team collectively and not just individually.

Secondly, Sasuke was already treating Sakura as a team member even prior to forest of death arc.

At this point, Sasuke DID care about team seven, which includes Sakura. If he didn't, he wouldn't have done what he did as can be seen in the above panel. Sasuke gave Sakura the confidence she needed so she would not be discouraged to participate in the chuunin exams. Why would he do this if he didn't think of her as a part of team seven? He obviously saw a dejected Sakura and decided to cheer her up by mentioning her genjutsu know how (sadly we didn't see it especially demonstrated anywhere but okay...Sasuke was humouring her and we get that). Sakura undid it all when she confronted him when he was leaving Konoha but it's not like he resented Sakura at all times. When she showed growth, and she did have her moments, even if rare, low intensity or shallow at best, he also reciprocated. He is not a malicious or petty person, he wouldn't ignore the growth of his team mates, he cared about his team.

So in forest of death arc, a lot has already happened before Sasuke panics and freezes at Oro's attack. This is shown by Kishi in NUMEROUS panels. I don't know how people simply sweep it under the carpet. Sigh.

Look at ALL these panels that come before Sakura's jibe. What do they tell you?

It was not only team seven's, but also Sasuke's first time fighting such a powerful opponent. He was scared for his team, he knew that one mistake of his could cause the death of all three members. Look at how he was physically protecting Sakura, doing his best to judge the situation so they could all escape scotfree. When one is confronted by an opponent much stronger and much more more experienced than you, would you just stand there waiting for your death or would you device a strategy to back out and escape? What would be the smart thing to do? He was obviously panicky. After witnessing Oro's powers, he knew that he had no chance of winning on his own. Naruto was inside the belly of the snake and Sakura was a helpless victim that he was literally carrying. He knew that he had to give the scroll away to ensure the lives of his teammates. He was scared for their lives. And why wouldn't he be?

Even before Sakura says those words to Sasuke, we see Sasuke already thinking about Naruto's words and he is trying to make up his mind about breaking the freeze he is in and fighting Orochimaru.

The whole context is about Sasuke trying to find level ground and this is then reiterated by Naruto when he taunts him and calls him a scaredy cat, and is gradually trying to find the courage that he needs in order to fight. It's not about SS, neither is it about Sakura being the frontrunner of team seven.

Basically, the whole import of this scene is that Sasuke needed to overcome his fear and face the challenge in front of him especially because the lives of his team mates were getting threatened because of his inaction. If he didn't make his decision soon, they would become vulture food.

This is why when Sakura sees Naruto successfully escaping the snake and arriving at the scene to fight Oro, she is impressed by Naruto's strength and determination. But then after Oro incapacitates Naruto by messing with his seal, she gets panicked as well. She knows she cannot do anything except for screaming, but she knows that Sasuke can do something, he just needed to be brought out of the freeze, like pushing a deer in headlights out of the way.

And this is exactly why when she says those words to Sasuke and calls him a coward, he is reminded of Itachi and he is finally moved to action as you can see in the picture attached below.

How is he supposed to fight Itachi if he cannot even fight to protect his and his comrades' lives? How is he supposed to defeat Itachi, someone much more powerful than him, without courage and fortitude?

He is literally saying it all himself. What is so confusing here honestly? Once he sees Naruto risking his life and overcoming his fears (and taunting him in the process aka #scaredy cat hahahaha), how can he simply remain passive when his comrade is clearly risking his life to save the team?

Sakura's words definitely act as a trigger but only as a trigger, the development of this whole scene started way before Sakura's panel, for at least three full chapters, and it is about Sasuke's development, as the information that we get from this scene is about how Sasuke perceived the threat of Oro and what finally motivated him to move, seeing Naruto risk his life and then the thought of Itachi at Sakura's words. If one thinks it validates SS, they are clearly thinking with a shiprot brain.

Naruto fans and especially dumb shippers use these selective moments to prove their point while entirely erasing the rest. There's nothing to debunk, it's all already bunk (Seinfeld reference lol). SNS fans need to stop getting gaslit by these dumbasses.

2) As for the second question, it's also a result of selective reading and SS shipping brainrot rather than what's actually in the manga and I have talked about it in detail here.

[transparentkittenheart]

Thinking about how part of Astarions story is about empathy and learning about empathy?

Theres a big conflict about how it might not be the best idea to release all of these vampiric spawn. A lot of them will fall into a life of brutality, some will give in to blood lust, some will be bad, they will all make mistakes, and people will die, but I chose to save them because

1. They havent done anything wrong yet. And I wont judge some for crimes they havent committed.

2. I dont think it's right to punish ALL because some will do bad things. If there was one innocent person and one murderer on death row and I could ether choose to free both or kill both I would free both of them. The freedom of the innocent for me is worth more than the punishment of the criminal.

3. I want to give them a chance in the same way that Astarion was given multiple chances.

In act 3 Astarion says over and over again how the spawn in Cazadors dungeon are beyond hope, it would be a favor to them to murder all of them, they are mindless and worth more dead than alive. Which is very ironic coming from the guy who as a slave for 200 years was still so defiant that Cazador wrote about how he was the most difficult to crush. How in early access he says he would make a deal with Raphael, become a slave AGAIN rather than become a mindflayer and die. Wether he would admit it or not, overall he is so anti death and so pro hope.

If the player chose to treat Astarion in the same way he proposes to treat the other spawn he would be killed on the beach. It's when you tackle his self loathing that he gets to see that because hes worth saving, that others are worth saving too.

Post game Astarion talks about for the first time (probably ever) he cares for others.

You cared and loved Astarion so much, he gets to care for and love thousands of others at the end of the game. Instead of empathy being a weakness that hes punished for, it becomes what he does full time.

He really is the Radiant Hopeful.

[nightlyrequiem]

The Other Side of Paradise

2) Sing My Praises and I Will Bow to You

Cross posted from AO3

Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6, Ch.7, Ch.8, Ch.9, Ch.10, Ch.11

You try to make the best of your life working at a small bakery in a city with rising cartel violence. One slower day, a man starts harassing your coworker. Despite the obvious threat, you stand up to him anyway. Unbeknownst to you, Valeria just so happened to be there to witness it.

A/N- All chapters containing smut will be labeled mature. The fic is fully written with the whole thing on AO3 but chapters on Tumblr will be posted one a day.

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Dual POV, Happy Ending, Plot with Porn, Graphic Violence, Inappropriate Use of a Knife, Masturbation, WLW

You took the day off. You actually took a few days off. You feel cowardly hiding up in your apartment, but you were just too afraid of that guy coming back. You should really learn to think before you speak. Trying to be a hero only works out in books and movies. In Las Almas, it gets you shot.

Unfortunately, no matter how afraid you may be, the bills won't pay themselves. You get ready for work. Neck uncomfortably moist with sweat. The AC must be broken again. You can do nothing but hope it will be fixed before you get back. Otherwise, you'll have bust out the old fan to keep you at a reasonable temperature while you sleep.

You grab your keys, phone, and wallet and walk towards the front door. It's so quiet in your apartment that you're glad to be getting out, even if it is just for work. Staying holed up in your apartment for three days did nothing but remind you of how lonely you are. It doesn't help that the only notifications you received were full storage warnings.

You leave and start your short walk to work. Greeting the elderly man that owns the small corner store below your apartment. It's a nice day today. A little too warm but the sky is blue, and the trees are green. There are children running around. It would be perfect and picturesque if it weren't for the 'soldiers' skulking around.

You've spent most of your life living in Las Almas. Such a shame it is to watch it fall into the wrong hands. It's not like the cartel sprouted up overnight like an invasive plant. It belonged to La Araña, then sometime over the last ten years power shifted to El Sin Nombre. Whoever that may be.

The cartel has always been around. It just wasn't as big of a presence when you were a child. Whoever ran it back then had the decency to keep things lowkey. You spot a murial. Splashes of colour put together by someone who clearly takes pride in their work. Too bad the person used their talents to support El Sin Nombre.

You reach the bakery and walk inside. Eyes automatically scanning the crowded room for the man from last week. You almost feel sick with relief when you don't see him. You quickly go behind the counter and grab an apron. You're not entirely sure why they make you wear it. It's not like you are the one making the treats. More often than not you're on dish duty. Which is your first task today. Lucky you.

You go around back and begin to fill the sinks. While you're letting the dishes soak, your manager, Mateo appears behind you. Silent as a cat and scaring you out of your skin.

"Christ!" You exclaim quietly.

"Mateo." He corrects. Judging by his serious expression he's not here to have a friendly chat. "I heard about what happened on Thursday." He says. "I get what you were trying to do, but we have a good thing here." He continues. "Don't go bringing trouble."

He leaves before you can respond and you feel annoyed. People only ever talk to you to tell you what to do or tell you what you're doing wrong. You pick up a rag and scrub at a plate angrily. Although, you do see some sense in what Mateo said. You will be more careful in the future. That's what you tell yourself.

Your shift goes by pretty quickly. Afternoon turns to dusk. You go from dishes to working the counter, to cleaning. You're the only one closing tonight. You still have forty minutes left but you haven't seen a single customer in the last hour. You decide to start your closing tasks early, Mateo doesn't care. There are only five things left in the display case. Not one for wasting you decide to just put them in a basket to take home later.

You start sweeping. Pushing dust and crumbs and whatever else to the center of the room. The bell above the door chimes and you look up. It's Valeria. You straighten, feeling a little flustered because you weren't expecting customers. She sees the lack of other people and you sweeping.

"Are you closed?" She asks. Her voice is pleasant. Smooth and feminine.

"No." You reply. "What would you like?" Valeria turns to look at the display case and you follow her gaze. Feeling like an idiot when you remember you already took everything out. "Uh, there's still some stuff left in the back, I'll go and get it." You say quietly.

You set the broom against the wall and hurry off behind the counter, clipping your hip on the edge. You hope she didn't see that. You bring over the little basket containing leftover treats and take out a couple of mini cheesecakes and three cookies. Meager pickings but if she wanted better, she should've come in earlier.

Valeria looks over her options. She looks back up at you with a lazy expression. "Do you have any conchas left?"

"Sorry, this is all that we have." You say apologetically. She looks a little disappointed but doesn't comment. Instead, she just looks at you. It starts to border on rude when she finally speaks again.

"We went to the same school." She remarks. You already knew that. You're a little surprised that she recognized you. You didn't exactly run in the same crowd. You nod in response. "I don't quite remember your name...?"

You tell her and she nods. She doesn't share hers. Probably assuming that you already know it. Another uncomfortable silence settles over you two like a too-warm blanket. You're trying to think of something to say to ease the awkward tension when she speaks again.

"Do you make the pastries?" She asks, tilting her head slightly. You shake your own in response. Starting to pick up the food from off the counter. Putting the items back into the basket. "What do you do here then?" You look at her and study her expression. Wondering if she's being hostile. Her expression looks relaxed.

You move the basket to the side. "I help out." You reply. She can probably guess what you do. It's not like a service worker's tasks are top secret knowledge.

"Cleaning, selling treats, and security." She murmurs. "You're quite the package." So that's why she's talking to you. You were wondering why. She was here last week; she witnessed the events that transpired. You had seen her in her corner. Why should she care though?

You shrug. She continues. "That man is in the cartel." She states obviously. Because clearly you couldn't tell. "I've seen him patrolling."

"Yes." You reply. Suddenly a little less eager to talk to her. She's wearing jeans and a tank top that shows off toned arms and tattoos. Is she a part of the cartel? You feel a little judgmental for thinking that way. Don't judge a book by the cover and all that. Even though that's the whole point of the cover.

Leaning against the counter in a way you hope comes off as nonchalant, you try to do some damage control. Just in case she is in the cartel. "He can be whatever he wants to be," you say. "But he doesn't have the right to come in here and throw his weight around." Actually, that might not be the best thing to say to someone you suspect of being in a dangerous organization.

Valeria smiles. "You're right." She says. You feel like a child being told 'good job' by a teacher. "Some people seem to think that just because they have a gun, they're invincible."

You like what she's saying. Your feelings do a one-eighty, and you decide you do like talking to her.

"It's refreshing to hear someone be more honest with their opinions." Valeria praises. "I can respect that." You feel flattered. You know a few people who are pretty honest about their opinions but clearly, she doesn't. That's fine with you. As long as she keeps complimenting you.

Valeria's phone buzzes and she takes it out from her back pocket to check. You're caught off guard by how outdated it looks. Not everyone can afford or wants the newest phone on the market, but seeing a flip phone catches you off guard. Her easy-going expression falters only for a few seconds before she relaxes her facial muscles again.

"I have to get going," she says. "I enjoyed talking to you though. I'll be seeing you tomorrow." She gives no room for response or protest. She just smiles once then turns and walks out. You finish cleaning. Feeling slightly giddy. You also feel nervous, going over your conversation in your head.

You go home after closing and bound across the sidewalks. Feeling as light as a feather and bright as the sun. Your pleased mood sours slightly when you enter your apartment. It's sweltering and humid. The AC is still broken.

[guardian5tiger3]

Mental health

+Advice & guidance from spirit

Pick a group tarot reading + channeled messages

*I may upload more groups in a new post later on.

Options

1

2 3

4 5

Group one

You guys seem to be the avoidant types more or less. This could show as you straight up trying to hide from your problems. You guys may have heavy resting periods most likely due to depression. This could make you guys stagnant in life and possibly hold onto things that do not serve you and or make you feel secure but that keeps you in an almost unhealthy comfort zone. This may show up as bad character. For a lot of you it seems that in some way your family has had expectations for you that which you feel you are not able to fulfill. You may feel lesser about yourself because of this and you are lacking individuality, or personal freedom to be yourself in some specific area(s). Im getting it's because you were made to feel like you can't be yourselves in these ways. So real talk. Spirit's advice. If you're already into this term then spirit is saying do shadow work, and what I mean by that is you need to go within yourself and identify problems like these, and you need to want to help yourself get better and do that so you can feel better , because life is not worth sitting around feeling less than. You guys really need to nurture yourselves, step up, take risks, go outside of your comfort zone because even though that seems tough it is well worth it when you come out of it on the other side of doing so. You guys I'm being told you all need to focus on treating yourself the way every good human like yourselves deserves to be treated, dignity, respect, and being told and believing that you do deserve good things and to be yourself. I'm really getting you guys should put more work into self care whatever that means for you. You guys if you aren't confident you need to build yourself up, take risks. Someone specific needs to try dyeing their hair. You need to embrace yourself for who you really are, understand that you're beautiful, and you are a gift to the world. There are other people out there who will appreciate you for exactly who you are. And even if some random asshole judges you, fuck em. Carry that attitude maybe. Peace loved ones. I heard that from California girls 😂so one or some of you like that song?? Okkk 💚 good talk guys.

Group two

* I can sense some of you who are going to pick this it doesn't resonate, so sorry for picking Luna and misleading you, but please read some of this to make sure..

I feel like you guys don't know what it's like to be healed in the way that you should be. Like it doesn't even seem appealing so why even try? You guys. You need to think about this. You feel that way because you do not know what it's like. I feel your pain is deep. Some of you this isn't at base level mental illness this is trauma. Straight up. I feel a lot of you feel unworthy. Some of you don't know peace and you can't find it within yourself. A lot of you might not even notice this about yourselves but you're just holding on. To your sanity , you're holding onto trauma, stress, negative ideas put in your mind, whatever it might be. I'm not gonna lie this is a long healing process and I get that it's a big struggle. Some of you do work and try and it doesn't even feel like it makes that much of a difference. I feel like if that's the case you're not digging deep enough into what's really wrong. A lot of you find it easy to act happy so you don't get the help you need even from a therapist. This is self sabotage in a way. You need to at least let your guard down for yourself. Someone I channeled struggles to relax your muscles when you lay in bed. This is serious. I'm getting some of you feel that if you found true love it would almost cure you and they would take this all away. No. And even if it came in now it would not be true love and you all already know why at least deep down. You need to learn to stand on your own and be truly ok. So you guys even have me concerned. But good news. Spirit came through with some good advice and I even doubted they could do it this well. Well let me tell you all what you can do. You all must tap into the energy of love. You need to feel. I mean truly feel everything that you feel. I can feel you guys have love in your hearts. If you listen to that , every single answer is there. Anything you could possibly need an answer for , it's in your heart. As a healer myself , and I feel some of you are skeptical, but I have healed myself from horrible horrible traumas. At a lot of points this was all I could do and it's the only thing that could have possibly worked. Listen you guys you need to get serious about this. You need to be aware and catch yourself with every negative though, feeling, emotion, and you need to then tap into the energy of love and in your heart you already know what's wrong or right and you need to correct it. You need to nurture yourself. You need to think about what's wrong and you need to tell yourself things like that wasn't right it wasn't here's why , work things out in your head and be honest with yourself. And when it comes to grieving and negative emotions. You can't run away or they will stay unhealed. You need to feel them , be very brave and feel them, that is the truest , rawest for of strength. And trust me . They will eventually go away. I have been through some of the worst things and if you want to know seriously you can ask but there things I'm not going to speak about in caution of people sensitive to the topics but this was the only way to get better for me. Some of you of course can take psychedelics because I feel some few of you thinking about it and I need to tell you if you're doing it to heal you need to make sure that's what you're doing when you're doing that. Like go within. Think and feel ok. Don't just let yourself end up dicking around. Don't worry guys. I see you getting better. Not just at the very way end of healing but every major step I see you all feeling more relieved and more balanced within yourselves. It's going to take time. Please understand it's worth it. Another thing to note is if you're feeling like giving up understand the least you can do is take into account all of the other people that have gone through similar things, and if nothing else motivates you maybe true love can , so think , maybe you can help even one person like yourself and be the hero. Be strong guys. I love y'all. ☮️

Group three

You guys seem overwhelmed maybe overburdened and a lot of you might speak of this like yeah I got this this and that going on and plus mental health issues. So I'm saying you guys also recognize and feel that weighing you down. Ok. Well I got yall. I feel like I need to feel my heart for this reading so you guys I think you need to allow yourself time to feel things. Some of you can meditate but I mostly mean just feel all the feelings and emotions you have and feel your bodies , basically practicing mindfulness about yourselves. I'm getting for a lot of you the more organized you have everything the better you will feel. This could be school or work stuff , or stuff in your home, for someone in picking up on makeup for real. But it will definitely make you feel a lot better I'm really getting that. I'm getting that a lot of you guys aren't balancing out different parts of your lives as well as you should be. Some of you work too much. A lot of you might be like well I can't help that but here's what you can definitely do. You can remind yourself to be more calm and practice self care while you are working. You will then have more fun in your free time and won't feel as exhausted . Okay for some a vacation is needed even if it's down the street to a hotel or literally a day at a beach or lake . Also I'm picking up somebody should go to the theatre and watch a movie. Yep. But overall you guys need to go somewhere that will basically bring you some type of amusement or joy or something. I'm picking up on someone who wears their earbuds or headphones a lot. I love music it's my favorite thing in life but if you guys spent some more time working on your present, real reality Infront of you and shaping it how you want to be. For instance observe and decorate your bedroom , Idk. You will therefore enjoy it more and not feel the need to hide. That doesn't mean stop listening to music worst case scenario buy a speaker but I'm saying this because I'm being told you're using the earbuds as a form of escapism and that's not going to help you longterm.

I also see some of you having to manual do so much in your lives I don't know what I could possibly use as an example for this but it's like you're moving brick after brick and in reality like why the fuck are the bricks there in the first place??!you guys this couldn't be made more clear you guys just have to ask the right people or persons for help. You might need to bring some problems to somebody's attention because they shouldnt even be problems especially if this is a work matter but regardless of where it's happening this is true ok. So anyway for a lot of you some energy is taking form you and you need to learn to cut energies off from taking from you when they shouldn't be. Some of you feel like nobody will care or maybe believe you, and that's so not true but you need to speak really loud and really clearly about what's going on , if that resonates with you. Some of you need lights or more lights for a room. Fairy lights are always good :). This smiley face is horrifyingly funny so Im leaving it. Some of you need to laugh. Come on and break the ego you don't gotta be so serious.for some of you you still don't feel like this is going to solve what's going on, spirit is saying this is a matter of going withing and finding out what you feeling you're missing. This very well could tie into a destiny thing, and I personally don't like to give destiny readings cause... That'll mess it up. So it's up to you guys on this epic quest to find the missing piece of your heart. Ok I'm done. You guys have a purpose in life you maybeee don't expect but you're gonna go for it. Even if it's just a side quest. Alright you guys go enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or something maybe a good book or a movie and I hope this resonates and it helps. xxo💗💗💚

Group four

I'm already getting a lot about inner child. One thing I will say is I'm channeling that your inner demons are like your inner child it is just super out of control but we all started as children so hopefully that makes these things less scary in a way. physiologically yeah there are a lot of ways depending on the issues that you know it requires comparable types of nurturing. You guys definitely want to be free but being in that energy I see something blocking you forward in actually seeing something in an og pokemon game with ash getting blocked .if what I'm picking up on is how some of you guys see the world and your lives that's so badass. Nerds. Lol ok anyway. I'm being told to give you the advice to look at this like a video game. If you're being blocked it's because you're being faced with a challenge and you need to overcome that and you will also probably level up right. You guys are super dreamy like I don't know. You guys must be nerds cause I'm being told to guide you through emotional and mental healing in a rational way. I also see the universe giving you things like level ups or tokens or whatever like in any video game at the appropriate times ,so you must have manifested this because I do this too sometimes when I'm anxious at work I choose to look at it like it's a video game. That's crazy. So the universe operates for you accordingly. This group is teaching me a thing or two bout how things work. Some of you might struggle with anxiety though and you then at those times need to remember to bring it down to earth and breath in really deep a good few times as long as you can breathe in. I really just want to tell you guys people might judge you and make you think negative things about yourself and tell you even maybe that there's something wrong with you but there isn't. There's nothing wrong with you guys. But when it comes to whatever pain your feeling or whatever you're going through you can't hide from it or push it down forever. If you guys want a bright future you need to level up to where you're ready to walk into that. And that might mean facing yourself , which is the toughest battle of all if you ask me. But there will never be a stronger warrior than the one who comes out of that fully intact and better than before. Just remember what you're fighting for whatever that may be, if it's love or justice or peace , or to make evil disappear completely. Whatever it could be.im getting for a lot of you you are on some type of high horse though because of what ever happened in the past probably, but when you're alone you do need be real and honest with yourself and let your guard down. If any of you feel sad a lot it's because you have a big heart. It's a sign of something. You should try to figure out what around you might be making you feel like that that isn't right because it's your heart telling you something isn't as it should be. You guys are strong enough for anything that comes your way . Trust me.

Group five

I feel a lot of love towards you guys a lot for you guys your guides are here and they all wanted me to sit for a minute in peace and silence before doing this reading specifically after doing the other ones.

You guys need to refresh your minds a bit. I'm feeling for some you need to sort of change your trajectory a bit. I'm feeling like your ego selves are assuring you you're in the right direction somehow but there's something you're overlooking that you need to pay attention to.

I'm getting a lot of stress for a lot of you. It kind of feels like some of you guys you keep going and going and you're not moving in the right way or direction or something im getting what you're supposed to be looking at is going to feel a lot easier if you do turn in the direction it's in and go down that path. A lot of you guys for some reason are feeling resistant towards this for some reason it's almost like you're in some level of denial.maybe whatever y'all have been doing seems desirable and you don't want to change and I understand that cause I can feel the energy but in some way it's almost like stepping out of your comfort zone or taking a risk for something better and I understand it's hard to make sacrifices like that but I hope you take this advice to give it a try because just trying this is not going to be as life and death as your brain is making it out to be. You still have problems on the path you've been on and this other direction is offering you solutions. I just have a friend an almost identical reading to this and I bet you're here!! Love you ! I want you guys if this resonates to take comfort in that there's multiple of you going through this and I feel in my heart somehow you are all connected and Im feeling it's a lot of heart connection . I feel though that I'm going to break this into having a second part for a specific group of you so continue to make sure if this resonates or not

I keep hearing you guys are nearing the end of something. It seems that you guys are in some way resisting this ending or at least kind of sabotaging it in some way but you don't realize that this needs to take place in order for your desired future to come in. A lot of you guys I'm seeing should look into how to be more disciplined with your subconscious mind. This has been playing a major role as to why some of you have been in whatever more negative energies or stagnancies you've been in. Some of you need to learn how to not be defensive towards good things that come your way and this ties a lot into psychology I think if any of you feel inclined to look into that maybe. For some reason every ending is a bad one to some of you and blessings are scary. This is all about healing ,my friends. My phone is dying so I'm going to go. I wish you all well

[worshipper-status]

💙A General Guide to Taking Care of a Disabled Darling (From a Disabled Yandere)💙

Hiya everyone! I saw someone make a guide on this and wanted to add some more in depth detail as a disabled yandere so I can give you all the best advice on keeping and caring for your darling. Admittedly as someone who's disabled, nothing makes me want to be away from someone more than someone who is ableist so if you want to keep a darling with a disability it's best to be informed. I'm going to approach this as if you are in an active relationship with someone just because that's where a lot of my perspective comes from (as well as from the perspective of my personal disabilities) but if you all want any more advice please tell me! Anyways onto the list!

(Long post below)

1.) Research, research, research

If your darling tells you what specific conditions they deal with write it down. Remember it. Anything. And when you get a spare moment, I want you to pour yourself into research for that condition and generally how disabled people are treated. If you are an able-bodied yandere, you are not immune to ableism and that is the number one thing that will push your darling away. Learn everything you can about their condition. What may help one disability may hurt another. Also if you and your darling are on good terms don't be afraid to ask questions! Take note of what personally helps them. Good example, while hot water is known to help with joint pain and muscle aches it can be really bad for disabilities that cause light headedness and vertigo like POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) so knowing what you're dealing with can give you a leg up.

As a general note, try to avoid telling them to exercise, meditate, do yoga, go on a diet, etc. If that stuff could fix out conditions we already would have done it, and for certain conditions, it can make symptoms worse. Please listen to your darling on what they specifically need. Become an expert on every facet of them and their opinions on their disability. If you're reading this you're probably a yandere so it's not exactly like research is hard for us.

2.) Have supplies on hand

Being disabled and going anywhere usually requires some level of forethought, or effort. So try making it easier by having supplies on hand. Here's a list of stuff I keep on me at all times to aid with m disabilities when I'm out in the wild!

Pain meds of choice

Instant hot packs

Instant cold packs

Hot and cold pain cream (BIOFREEZE IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT WORKS SO WELL)

Electrolyte drink or drink mix with water

Compression items for different joints

Blood pressure reader of some kind (I use a fitbit tbh)

Headphones

Sunglasses (Sun is to bright, don't judge)

Fidget toys

My mobility aid

Now this is what I personally carry on myself. What you can carry for your darling is going to vary on who they are, where they stand in your life and what their disabilities are. (Note: If you know someone with POTS and they have a flare up, being able to provide an electrolyte drink during the episode may help get you on their good side, especially if they know you as someone they can rely on for that. Don't hold me to that advice all I know is I would probably marry someone if they did that for me lmao.)

Adjust to what they personally need. There's a lot of other items that could be useful to have on hand depending on what their disabilities are, such as different types of OTC meds you could grab, specific compression items, heart rate monitors, glucose monitors, vomit bags, incontinence products, if legal marijuana products, etc. It's all based on what they struggle with which is why step one is research. You can't build a medical supply kit if you don't know what you're trying to treat.

3.) Be their advocate

This is the me lecturing you about ableism section. Your darling whether physically or mentally disabled has to put up with a LOT of bullshit. Ableism is very deeply rooted in our society, so often you're gonna see your darling in certain situations. Strangers asking whats wrong with them, people claiming they don't have what they say they have, saying their faking for attention, saying they don't really need XYZ support item, etc. You need to learn to defend your darling the correct way.

It's going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation, but your best bet is shutting shit like that down. some stranger walks up to your wheelchair using yandere and asks what's wrong with them? Tell them your darlings medical history is none of their business. Someone says their lazy for using their supports? Stand up for them. Say they need these supports and being on a fair playing field with everyone else isn't lazy. At a doctor's appointment and your darling is AFAB and the doctor's trying to blow off their symptoms? Tell them what you've seen. Ask the doc what they would do if your darling wasn't AFAB. Tell them to mark lack of treatment in charts. Make the doctors cover their asses. You in these settings are your darling's biggest resource.

But also...

4.) Learn when to shut the fuck up. Don't put your foot in your mouth.

You (if you are an able bodied yandere, which is my target demographic with this) reading this, probably struggle a lot with being ableist and don't even realize. This is where listening to others is gonna win you a lot of brownie points. Sometimes, you need to advocate, sometimes, especially in disabled spaces with your darling, you need to learn to shut the fuck up and listen. It will usually benefit you greatly to not speak over your darling in these settings because it can give you a lot of useful info on how to deepen your relationship and also not be an ass to them. In the beginning, there's going to be times where you say hurtful shit. Move your pride to the side and apologize. You are not immune to having bigoted ideals. General rule of thumb, if your darling wants to speak first, let them, you can give input afterwards. And if they specifically tell you to shut up in a certain setting because you're talking over them, shut up.

5.) Okay now for the fun stuff. Love languages!

With people who struggle with disabilities, they may express their love languages in different ways. Acts of service may carry more weight if your darling really struggles with tasks. Quality time may matter more if they're bed ridden and bored out of their mind. Here is a very general guide of love language actions for disabled darlings.

Acts of Service:

Cleaning their room for them

Doing the dishes

Taking out trash

Doing their laundry

Making doctor's appointments for them

Taking them to and from doctor's appointments

Refilling and picking up their prescriptions

Quality Time:

If they're in a pain flare, keep them company, even if it's just napping with them!

Watch shows with them if they're struggling with doing anything that requires a lot of movement.

Run errands with them, so they can have help with difficult tasks like carrying heavy objects, or talking to customer service representatives.

If they're unable to leave the house but able to move a little bit, suggest video games, board games, or some fun low energy activity together

Go to doctor's appointments with them. Like be in the physical room. You'd be surprised how much it helps if your darling wants the assistance.

Words of Affirmation:

ENCOURAGE THEM

SERIOUSLY BEING DISABLED IS SO FUCKING HARD

THEY GOT OUT OF BED TODAY? PRAISE THEM!

THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A MEAL INSTEAD OF EATING ONLY DORITOS? PRAISE THEM!

EVERYTHING THEY DO REQUIRES MORE EFFORT THAN THE NORMAL HUMAN YOU BETTER FUCKING BE PRAISING THEM FOR THAT SHIT

Physical Touch:

Okay, gonna get the caveat out of the way, some conditions will cause physical touch to be painful. Find out from your darling if that's the case. Otherwise...

Does your darling struggle with hygiene? Do they trust you enough to be naked in front of you? Shower together. Not even in a horny way, taking showers while disabled fucking sucks man. Having someone to help me wash myself helps a lot. Bonus points if shower chair is involved.

Massages. If your loved one needs a lot of creams or ointments, put them on for them, work them in carefully. If they're more pain treatments, a deeper massage may also help work those knots out. Just be careful and be gentle and slow. Listen to your darling. Pay attention to their responses. Whether they're leaning into or away from how hard you're kneading. Just communicate clearly for this. Don't hurt them on accident

Cuddles. I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes, your darling will end up stuck in bed barely able to do anything. Cuddle them. Being stuck is so much less lonely that way. Also bonus points for nap time being a quality time thing.

Help them with "intimate" tasks they may struggle with. Showering together goes in this category but for a broader purpose, this category exists. Once again this has to have that layer of trust, but this is things like helping them get dressed, helping them feed themselves, helping them brush their teeth or manage their hair (PLEASE DO RESEARCH ON THEIR HAIR TYPE FOR THIS).

Receiving Gifts:

Help them pay for medical supplies if you can afford it. It doesn't need to be a power chair. If you want to just buy someone some ibuprofen, or a heating pad, or just like... some small item that may help them, I promise you it will matter. If they mention running low on a critical medical supply that's OTC and you have the money for, just buy it for them.

Buying them things that can keep them entertained in bed or inside the house is also a really nice thoughtful item.

STREAMING SERVICES!!! IF YOU CAN PAY FOR A SUBSCRIPTION OF THEIR CHOICE TO ANY STREAMING SERVICE THEY WANT. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO BINGE WATCH WITH YOU WHILE STUCK IN BED.

This one is a little more tailored to me, but if your darling is like me and appreciates monthly subscription boxes with surprise items in them, consider a "spoonie" or "chronic illness" box. They are usually pretty surface level stuff but the items in them tend to be nice and veer in the self care category so it's an option to consider.

Don't give them "Get well soon cards" unless you know FOR CERTAIN that whatever is plaguing them right now can actually get well soon. Most disabilities you can't recover from. There is no "get well soon" for most of us. Don't give us a reminder of that.

Anyways! That's my list. Feel free to add onto this if you all have any other ideas. If you're ableist in my notes, I freely block and report so don't test me.

Have a nice day!

(I didn't proofread this, please cut me some slack if this is all over the place)

[look-at-the-soul]

Behind the scenes- Peaky Blinders (Part 2)

Cillian Muphy x reader Part 1

BTS Series Masterlist

Request

Word count: 5,565

✨Here it is the final part to this fascinating character that caught my eye in a short video edited a long time ago… I hope you like this!

Once again I’d like to thank @notyour-valentine for sharing the request you got and tagging me, @heidimoreton for your endless support -and always saving me with you secret PB file-and fabulous moodboards @ forbidden-forest-witch for the chats, support and inspiration @holacia3 for all your guidance with horses and least but not least, each and everyone of you, the readers, the likers, their anons, the rebloggers, the ones who read in silence and are afraid to raise your voice. ♥️

Oblivious to the conversation Val and Cillian just had, Y/N walked back excited.

“Ready to go for a ride?”

Cillian nodded in silence.

”Y/N are you taking the horse out?” Asked Renny, Cillian had seen him from afar taking care of the horses, he was mostly shy and quiet, more like an observer.

“Yes Renny,” she replied in a soft voice, “do you want to join us?”

Renny shook his head nervously.

“Do you remember Mr. Murphy, right? He’s learning how to ride a horse.”

Cillian stared into Renny, but the man simply couldn’t hold anyone’s gaze, his fingers moved constantly, trying to touch something, anything.

“You take care of them Renny?” He asked in a soft tone, noticing the smile that cracked on the man’s face.

“Yes.” He replied touching the column. “It will rain again tonight.” Then after a few second, he repeated the same thing.

“Have you seen the filly? She’s beautiful.” Y/N asked with a genuine smile.

“She’s doing great, I’ll check on her again.” Renny left mumbling something to himself.

“Renny showed up one day and decided to stay, he immediately bonded with my horses and when I saw the way he treated them, I knew this was his place.” Y/N explained.

Cillian stared at her with interest. “Just like that?” She nodded. It was a surprise to learn that she took in a complete stranger.

“He never talked about his past, all he asked was a place to sleep and something to eat, in return I’d get someone trustworthy to be around the barn.” It was evident Renny had something, neurological perhaps. “Let’s be honest, he has more heart than any of us.”

Cillian raised his hands, in defeat. “I’m not judging you, he’s just one in a million.” Something he couldn’t name making his heart beat at the speed of a horse galloping when he saw her smile. He needed to speak to Steve about adding a character like him.

“Keep your back straight and your legs at a comfortable position… I know it’s not like we sit like this all the time.” She explained making sure neither Cillian or the horse were uncomfortable.

She then proceeded to explain the little pull he’d feel and her words got caught in her throat as Cillian’s energy changed completely, he positioned himself correctly on the saddle and everything changed; his posture, his energy, the look in his eyes.

Y/N thought he might get a bit shy or would hold onto the horn as if his life depended on it, but no, he was holding the reins on one hand while the other was resting gently on his thigh and she couldn’t decide who looked more majestic; Cillian or the horse. He had this imposing and mysterious vibe around him… it was magical as if he always belonged there, as if he knew the horse from a lifetime, as if they were one.

Cillian dragged his eyes from the back of the horse to see Y/N. “Ready to go.”

He nodded and she had to shake her head a little to focus again.

“If you press your feet gently, the horse gets the instruction to start moving, you can click you tongue too.” She felt a little bit ridiculous for telling him the obvious, but Cillian didn’t seem to mind.

From all of the people she had seen on a horse, nothing compared to him.

It was hard to comprehend what was happening so she decided she wouldn’t even try to explain it, but on her experience she knew you don’t see a bond like that everyday. It was the most natural thing in the world.

“Come on Angel, let him guide you.” She told the horse after walking out of the stables to let them ride around the ring for a while.

Cillian smiled at the name mentioned. “She looks like one, eh?”

Returning the smile, Y/N added: “and she behaves like one, more obedient than my son.”

Cillian chuckled at her statement, taking a moment to relax his shoulders and let this peace sink in, it was indescribable to ride a horse, to move around and feel that big body be an extension of his own. He never thought something like this would happen. But ever so slowly, he could feel as if himself was taking a step back, to let Tommy Shelby take over, and it was everything, his mannerisms, his critical thinking, the way he was falling in love with these horses, with every movement, his hands were now wrapped around the reins smoothly, his thumb rubbing absently the material.

Y/N walked close to them but giving the pair a little space as Cillian rode around. Still unable to comprehend the conection between Cillian and her horse and how he immediately got everything right about how to do it, as if he had done it before a million times.

He had been practicing how to stop the horse and make him take steps back, as well as the rest of the basics Y/N told him. Most of the work was done through his legs and the direction of the reins he gave, so physically it was making him feel sore, and on top of that he’d need to say his lines and take care of the angles.

As days went by, Cillian woke up early to join Y/N for a quick breakfast then, while she went to do her daily morning routine with the horses; greeting them, giving them breakfast and a good brushing session, after that, they’d go back to the ring to continue the riding lessons, adding a different task each time. And by that Cillian only felt more confident on the horse, he was amazed by the way the animal responded to his lead.

Being on a horse soon started to feel like a second skin to him, the connection to Tommy Shelby was now right on the surface… Cillian felt so attracted to each horse, he was constantly asking for their background story. And when he closed his eyes at night, he could clearly see a young Tommy Shelby, before France, before all the trauma and disappointment in an open field riding the most beautiful horse freely, galloping without an ounce of fear. He could also picture him resting with the horse next to the river, eating fresh fruit from a tree while the sun started to hide behind the hills.

Deep down he knew portraying this man wouldn’t be an easy task, not without being fully involved in every aspect, not only his physical appearance, but his mindset as well. That was the main reason why he withdrew to his room right after dinner, to focus on he script and his notes.

“Why aren’t you riding?” Arlo asked taking Cillian by surprise.

It took him all his will to stop looking at the sight before him. “Because I also learn a few things from watching.” Cillian explained turning his head towards Y/N once more, feeling like he was drawn somehow, with a natural force as the horse started galloping and she made it look as an incredible ease that made him even feel jealous.

“Did you know that when I was a baby she took me for rides?” Arlo asked quietly.

Cillian shook his head. “No, but it’s not a surprise either.”

Then Cillian remembered a few scenes with the youngest Shelby brother, he would be around Arlo’s age and he needed some kind of kids background.

“Do you like it here? Being around horses all day?”

“Yeah, but sometimes I was it could be like the other kids in my classroom, they have brothers and their Dads.”

Sighing, Cillian regretted his move, the last thing he wanted to do was stepping on the line of a private matter.

“I’m sure your Mum makes a great job on her own.”

Arlo nodded and then looking at the ground, he added something that’s been worrying him. “Yeah but when I go to school she’s alone.”

Bending down to look at the kid, Cillian explained how Renny, Brie and Val were around with Y/N.

“Not that kind of alone…” he added with a hint of embarrassment. “I gotta go to feed the horses!”

He wanted to ask how would a ten-years-old know but he was caught off guard.

And with that, he left Cillian by himself but not without planting the seed in his head about what he just said as images of Y/N riding flashed before his deep gaze. She was floating, in her element, the effect of golden hour highlighting her features, loose locks bouncing against her cheeks.

More than once his eyes would find her as she caressed the horses, or while she waited for the kettle to prepare her favorite tea. But he also needed to be honest with himself, it would be a huge mistake to start developing feelings at this point, when he was just about to start the most ambitious project of his career, the shooting would be demanding and he could feel it was taking a toll on him already, he was used to the rhythm by now, long hours on set, sometimes filming really early in the morning or until it was pretty late, small breaks in between for at least three months… who could possibly keep up with that? Even if she was willing to do so, it would be selfish to ask her to join him on set specially when she had a son and a job she loved at the sanctuary.

He needed to focus on Thomas Shelby and only that.

***

“This is the new payment plan. First one is due by the end of this month.” Y/N informed Brie giving her the folder with the information.

“I was thinking I could ask my husband to take some photos to upload them online, for promo you know?”

Cillian was about to knock but then decided to wait so he wouldn’t interrupt their conversation. But he saw the way she dragged her eyes from the papers to stare into the opposite wall in silence, considering it.

“I guess so…” she added absently clasping her hands together and leaning on her elbows.

“It will help us with an extra income!” Brie cheered.

“If you think it’s a good idea, I trust you.” Y/N agreed and finally noticed Cillian next to the door frame. Waving her hand, she motioned for him to come in.

As Brie gave him a quick glance, she struggled to hide the grin on her face.

“Is that your grandpa?” Cillian asked tipping his head towards the portrait of a man with a horse. He was holding his hands behind his back.

Y/N smile lighted her face. “Magnus.”

Arching his eyebrows, he realized of the resemblance between them. “His name sounds like a bloody emperor.”

Y/N chuckled and guided Cillian out, to try riding bareback.

Cillian’s hands against the coat of the horse’s neck, to let him know of his next move. Swiftly, Cillian sat on Thunder’s back relishing the sense of calmness he was greeted with.

“Okay… show me what you got, cowboy.” Y/N regretted the words right after they left her mouth and an evident blush covered her cheeks.

Cillian couldn’t help but to raise an eyebrow, surprised while a smile started to grow. “Are you sure you can handle it?” He flirted back.

Mortified, Y/N caressed the horse. “Whenever you’re ready.” Y/N took a step back, trying to keep her emotions at bay. She knew riding a horse bareback was something so intimate, so raw, so deep. Reserved only for a few privileged.

And once more, Cillian felt an indescribable feeling as the horse started walking.

This role meant a lot to him, more than he could express. He had been working out six days a week, gave up his vegetarian diet in order to bulk up, spent some time at a gypsy camp to learn about their traditions and language, read about the World War I… anything to make it right.

Cillian felt as if he was taking a step back in order to allow Thomas Michael Shelby take over… he was just an instrument.

He could feel Tommy’s essence in him, his fears, the things he loved the most, the memories and trauma achieved in France. He was so immersed that he never noticed Y/N left him to ride on his own and as she was watching from a few meters away, curiosity took over her, she couldn’t help but wonder what was crossing Cillian’s mind as he rode staring into the open field, she knew his mind was miles away.

He seemed so focused, so engrossed in his own thoughts that it felt so wrong to interrupt. But somehow watching Cillian riding also had a therapeutic effect on her.

Cillian was attractive, without a doubt and Val had insisted she should let her hair down, wear some perfume, even used the flirt shamelessly advice. It had been so long since she felt something, the last man she had been with was Arlo’s father. After him she gave herself entirely to her son and her business. With a tight schedule, hay in her hair and smelling like a barn, what kind of man would give her a double look? Besides Cillian would be staying just for a short period of time, soon he’d be back to film whatever project he was working on, throw himself into his glamorous Hollywood lifestyle.

“Mum can I ride too?” Arlo asked after approaching her quietly, making her snap back into reality.

Y/N noticed the sparkle in her son’s eyes, the same eagerness she had when she was around his age.

“Bring Goldie over, bet she’d love to join them.” She’d call Cia to pick up her mare. As her ten-year old rushed towards the stables, her eyes moved back to Cillian and Thunder.

She wanted to suggest a break as he had been riding for a while, but after watching Cillian so at ease, in his element, she decided to let him set the pace.

“That was a smooth turn.” She praised tipping her head, caressing Thunder’s neck. “I wish I could keep him forever.” Emotions took over her.

Cillian’s brows knitted together in confusion.

“I’ll have to sell him to pay a loan I asked the bank.” Y/N explained right after. “Raising horses it’s a beautiful thing, but I don’t have a long queue of people asking for riding lessons and tourists visiting on weekends only cover for the basic expenses and cheques.”

Looking in another direction, Cillian wanted to find a way to support her, but he was lost for words… not that she was asking him for help anyways.

“Mum, look!” Arlo called from a few meters away, but as she turned around to see her son, her soul almost left her body.

“Goodness! Arlo sit down!”

His giggles should’ve calmed her, but deep down she knew it was in his blood.

Cillian tried to hide his amusement by caressing the horse’s neck, he didn’t want to interfere.

“I know what I’m doing Mum.” Arlo defended.

“Yeah, sure.” She retorted with sarcasm and Cillian once again found himself smiling.

As they rode, Arlo showed Cillian a couple of tricks he had learned from his mother, but also a few personal insights, like a time after having a nightmare and he ended up sneaking out of the house to sleep in the stables. He also shared with Cillian that his favorite part was handling the snacks and his least, picking horse sheet, that last part Arlo lowered his voice so his Mum wouldn’t scold him.

“I love Thunder.”

“Why did you use white paint on his forehead then?” Cillian asked turning his head to look at Arlo.

The kid laughed, the purest sound of the world and it made Y/N’s heart fill with so much she felt she could explode any minute.

“It’s not paint! It’s like a more or a birth mark.” Arlo explained ceremoniously.

Cillian already knew that, he saw it in one of the books he’d been reading. Thunder’s was like a star.

“Oh!” His eyes then found Y/N’s, and is if he could read them, he saw gratitude and surprise there. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Anytime… I know loads about horses!” Arlo expressed excited, but then his features were shadowed. “But I don’t have anyone to talk about it except my Mum.”

That was a low kick in the stomach for Y/N, although Arlo was aware his father wasn’t around, she knew he wanted a father figure more than anything in his life.

“Think it’s time for you to do some homework young man.” She tried to brush away the discomfort.

With a pout he came down from the horse but obeyed right away.

“He’s a great kid.” Cillian admitted as they rode next to each other, after Y/N replaced her son’s spot.

“I’m terrified that one day this won’t be enough for him, he’ll go looking for his father and get his heart broken like I did.” But as soon as the words left her lips, she regretted opening up to him with something so personal, so intimate. “Sorry… would you mind if we go back?”

“Y/N, you have nothing to worry about, Arlo is a smart kid he’ll realize everything you did for him and his well-being.” Cillian assured her.

And for some unknown reason, Y/N believed in him. His words had a soothing effect in her soul.

“Thank you,” a tender smile decorated her face.

The attraction between them is undeniable at this point, they didn’t even realize how close their bodies were until Cillian’s words fanned over her lips.

“You’re an amazing woman, Y/N.” He whispered right before tilting his head and finding her mouth, tentatively, softly, giving into the feathery touch…

Everything happened so fast, one second his hand was finding the back of her head and hers his shoulders when Thunder got out of control right next to them, forcing them to break their kiss. Y/N took over gently, making the horse feel calm once more, she assured Cillian loud noises made him extremely nervous. And right after that, Renny asked her to check the filly.

The interruption taking away the spark that had been ignited.

Giving Cillian an apologetic look, Y/N went on to check what was the problem with the filly.

****

“He’s probably a bit shy, if you ask me…” Val trailed off as she got dinner out of the oven.

“But I wasn’t asking.” Y/N laughed out loud, Val following right after.

“Oh! But I don’t care if you ask me or not, all I say is… it’s been a while.”

“You haven’t been with anyone since Arlo’s Dad?” Willow asked from the opposite side of the kitchen pouring the popcorn she prepared for her and Arlo into a bowl.

“What are you doing there young lady? Listening?” Val asked her niece, she was staying at her place that weekend.

“You could use one of those apps.” Willow suggested.

“Enough, go and watch your movie.” Val took her by the shoulders to guide her out. “She’s right though, but I won’t let her know I agreed. So are you really sure there’s nothing you can do about Cillian?”

Y/N sighed, thinking about it. By the time she was done with the horses, Cillian was out reading something too focused to even notice her, so she thought it would be wrong to interrupt him. He probably just kissed her out of pity… either way she decided to not reveal that small detail to her friend.

“No, Val I swear I’ve seen him interacting with the horses, but he’s always so serious towards me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know how to approach you.”

“Just leave it okay, I shouldn’t have been so involved that’s all.”

“Can’t you try to be a bit more positive?”

“And for what? He’ll be gone without another word, he just came here to learn how to ride… isn’t interested in having something with a Mum.”

“I’m convinced you’re wrong, there has to be an explanation.”

“Well, I will save myself from the embarrassment… he doesn’t want to deal with someone who smells like horses and barns 22 hours a day.” Y/N stated groaning at the amazing taste of diner.

Cillian paced later that night in his room, the script in his hand felt heavier than it really was. For the last couple of hours he tried so hard to focus, to repeat the lines the already knew so well but images of Y/N closing her eyes and responding to his kiss overshadowed any words Tommy Shelby could try to say.

It was so frustrating to remember the interruption because he wanted more of her lips.

He needed more of Y/N.

But now it felt so out of place to come down the stairs and say what?

Every single time he closed his eyes, he could feel her soft lips dancing against his, her sweet fragrance intoxicating him, he wanted his hands to explore her body, hear the little sounds she could make… all he got was a kiss for a mere instant, a small glimpse of what it could be.

And it was enough to shake him to the point where he couldn’t concentrate to rehearse his dialogue.

***

When Y/N knocked on his door the following morning curious when she didn’t saw him ready to ride, she was met by silence and an empty room. The bed was made and everything was in its place, but Cillian was nowhere to be seen.

Stepping into the room, Y/N called for him but after not getting an answer, she noticed a folded piece of paper on the night stand.

Dear Y/N,

I want to apologize first for leaving without letting you know, it’s still dark and I don’t want to wake you up. Then I want to thank you for showing me everything you know about horses, they’re truly fascinating creatures, with a pure heart, ready to give us all.

I came here with only one thing in mind; learn all about them, but as I got to meet you and see them through your eyes and the remarkable work you do in the sanctuary I got to face feelings I don’t know how to deal with at the moment. I know this is the worst way to express it, but I don’t feel brave enough to tell you while looking into your eyes, there’s this fire and passion in them that touched the deepest parts of my soul. Actually I was trying yesterday to run through the script but I wasn’t able to because I kept watching you whenever I closed my eyes… and it was too damn distracting for my own good.

Yes, this sounds terrible, I know. But I need to get this job done first and do it right, before my attention goes somewhere else, that’s why I want you to know how wonderful you are and how grateful I feel for everything you did for me.

If you want and if I didn’t mess this up, I’d love to invite you and Arlo for the first day of filming. Perhaps if you could see the dimension of this project, you could forgive me for leaving this way. And maybe we can see each other. I’d love to see you again.

I’m hoping you can give me the chance to properly explain the impact you had in my life.

Cillianx

Her brain went numb after that, everything was so confusing and she was torn between thinking he might like her but at the same time, Cillian didn’t show a clear interest because he needed to focus on his work.

But her confusion grew even more when she got a phone call requesting to rent several of her horses for a few months, they mentioned something about some kind of filming so she had to spend most of her day preparing the quotation to send it back, at least that saved her from having diner with Val, she wasn’t ready to answer the endless questionnaire about Cillian. And by the following day a group of actors were driven to her property to get riding lessons specifically from her, as well as a couple of stunt doubles that were casted, so they practically kept her busy.

So there she was showing the group how to ride horses while Brie helped her to direct the group from the ground, starting early and finishing once the stars started to shine, and just like she did with Cillian, she covered everything.

Two weeks later, Y/N was making sure her horses where in perfect shape, she had been caressing and brushing them in an attempt to calm her own nerves while she waited at the Black Country Museum for instructions.

“Hello, are you Y/N?” Asked a woman with a smile. “I’m Heidi, Cillian’s PA.”

Y/N blinked confused. “Yeah.”

“Personal Assistant.” Heidi chuckled. “They’re about to start filming, so why don’t you come with me, I got instructions to handle you these.” She then showed Y/N two cords with an all access pass.

“Nice to meet you.” Y/N smiled back.

“Wow! So cool!” Arlo took his immediately. “Let’s go Mum!”

This whole thing was so surreal to her, the lightings, the place, staff, extras.

“It can be a bit overwhelming, but after a while you get used to it.” Heidi explained as if she could read her mind. “Have you been to a shooting before?”

“Never.” Y/N explained shaking her head while her eyes were focused on a man talking to a girl, blowing something in his hand. Then, she spotted Thunder being guided by someone while Cillian was on top of him, he was wearing a suit and a peak cap, the back and sides of his head were dramatically shaved.

“First day is always the longest,” Heidi explained. “They’ll rehearse first the scenes and when they start shooting I need to ask you to be quiet because there’s microphones everywhere.”

“What are they doing?” Y/N’s gaze was divided between Cillian and Thunder.

“Look Mum! That’s Thunder!” Arlo squealed excitedly, pointing at their horse.

“It’s for the first scene, they put a spell on the horse….”

“They better don’t hurt Thunder.” Y/N warned, although she knew Heidi wasn’t responsible for her horse.

“Don’t worry, Cillian did a special request towards the horses… he was very adamant they wouldn’t get hurt.” She seemed to know everything. “If you guys are hungry, there’s food in the back, please feel free to get anything.”

“Thanks.”

She then started biting her lip. “Oh and Y/N? My boss asked me to keep a eye on you specially, he would like to talk to you after filming the sequence, so I’ll take your son for a tour if you don’t mind.”

That made Y/N extremely nervous, but she found herself nodding and looking once more towards Cillian who was riding Thunder bareback and he started to move back to the first spot again only to repeat the motion and stop right in front of the girl and the two men while the one with jacket started to blow something red into Thunder’s nose.

Then she heard Cillian say something she couldn’t hear from her place and children and women came out from the places they’ve been hiding.

“Perfect, we’re ready to start shooting, silence on set!” Called someone from staff.

And Y/N couldn’t stop staring at Cillian and how amazing all of this was, how immersed he seemed to be, but he found a way to caress Thunder between takes.

It took them several tries as a huge equipment followed Cillian and her horse, who now she knew was Monaghan Boy for the purpose of the story. She also learned Cillian was the leading role of this new series and how demanding it had been for him. The entire plot of the story resting on his shoulders.

“Cut! We’re done.” She heard in the distance and staff started a round of applauses.

Waiting in the trailer felt like she was trespassing, but Heidi insisted it was Cillian’s instructions once they were done with the scenes.

When she heard a click and the door cracked, her heart started beating faster.

As her eyes landed on Cillian her mind went blank, all the thoughts that had crossed her, all the worry that overshadowed her these past days, all of it was gone the moment she saw his smile.

“Hey…” Cillian stared at her.

“Hi.” She replied shyly.

“I’m so glad you came.” He took a step closer.

“Thank you for getting them to rent the horses for filming and the riding lessons for the cast.” She felt extremely grateful with him for doing that, the extra income allowed her to pay the loan she got from the bank without interests.

Waving his hand, Cillian let her know she didn’t need to thank him for that. “It’s the least I can do, after leaving the way I did… sorry about that.” Y/N was already shaking her head, but Cillian insisted. “Really, it was wrong but that was the only way to focus because you were so distracting,” he chuckled and she couldn’t focus on anything else than his velvety voice, “trust me, after that kiss…” subconsciously, his graze dropped to her lips.

Forcing herself, Y/N looked away from his piercing blue eyes.

She had been so confused for how he left and his letter, because other than the kiss he never showed an open interest in her.

“What is it?” Cillian asked when he noticed her expression serious.

“Just… something doesn’t makes sense…” Y/N folded her arms and turned towards the window. “I don’t belong on sets, I’m surrounded by horses all day.”

Cillian stayed quiet for a few seconds, trying to find a way to express his feelings.

“Y/N…” he touched her shoulders gently, tentatively turning her to see her face, “the second I kissed you, I knew it was you the one that I wanted but I was so scared at the same time by the intensity that it hit me with.” For a split second, Y/N looked at him “and I know it’s hard for you to trust… but to me this is the strongest I’ve ever felt for someone.” Cillian couldn’t help it but rest his palms on her cheeks to caress her skin with his thumbs. “Look at me and tell me you don’t feel the same.”

To say that she didn’t, it would be a total lie.

“I’m scared…” her voice was just a whisper, his was a soothing melody to her soul.

“That’s good, it means you care.” Cillian’s hands held her face firmly. “You know, while I was taking those riding lesson with an excellent rider… she showed me that no matter what we say or what we do, just like in a horse’s eyes… the answers are right there if you pay attention.”

The next thing she knew it was how different was this kiss to the previous one they shared, his lips moved against hers with a hint of security, firmly, kissing her with intensity… passion.

Her hands moved up to cup his face gently, fingers caressing the hollowed cheekbones and then up to the shaved parts of his hair while his locked on the small of her back. Barely breaking away the kiss to catch some air, Y/N smiled against his lips.

“Yeah? And what else did you learn from this horse trainer?”

Cillian growled, a wide grin decorating his lips just as in a surprising motion, he took Y/N by the waist to place her on the counter.

“A lot about myself,” he admitted giving her a small peck, “all about horses,” another kiss, “about life,” he tilted his head to kiss the corner of her mouth, “about love…”

“Hmm that’s exactly what I learned from certain someone who showed up in my place for a riding lesson, and it ended up being more like a life lesson.” Y/N brushed the fringe on his forehead to the side, for some reason it was a bold haircut, but she loved it how it looked on him. Adjusting her legs around his waist, to keep Cillian closer, his lips outlining her jaw. “I’m just worried about Arlo. You know my son is my world.”

Cillian looked at her with an eyebrow cocked. “I thought you knew I signed up for the premium lesson; horses, you and him.”

As they kissed again, she had to remember he was working. “I don’t want to distract you from your responsibilities.”

“It’s fine, I actually love having you here, would you like to join me tomorrow? We’re filming in an open field.”

As she nodded, Cillian sighed relieved.

And Y/N knew she had never been so sure of something like she felt towards Cillian. Because he understood her priorities and passion just like she was starting to learn about his for acting.

****

♥️ I hope you liked this two-parts mini series! I wrote it to celebrate the 10th Peaky Blinders anniversary 🥃 🚬 🖤

Thank you Heidi for the BTS photo!!!!! 📸

Bonus: The final scene 🎬 thanks Selene!

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @elk96 @heidimoreton @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989 @rangerelik @lovemissyhoneybee @ironpen @kittycatcait219 @shelundeadxxxx @speckledemerald @creativepawsworld @kathrinemelissa @polishcrazyone

[mushroom-kin]

This is a study of one of my favorite small scene in Psycho-pass: sinners of system 2.

"Unit One always comes before everything else." - Tsunemori Akane

Psycho pass s2 - an unhinged retrospective - i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2 - ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika - iii. Women's justice - iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami - v. Kogami and Akane's relationship - vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth - vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

(warning: horrifyingly long text post, Spoilers for all of Psycho pass up to the latest film Providence)

i. Celebrating 10 years anniversary of PP2:

Psycho-pass 2 just has its 10 years anniversary. Happy 10 years for Psycho pass 2.

I watched psycho-pass season 1 while it was airing, it came out when I was in middle school, and I remember catching it right at the All-girl academy arc. When I finished s1 and did not even know that s2 was coming out.

I have been in and out of the fandom for many years and got to hear people relentlessly shit on s2 and talk about how they don't like it. I never really understood it, or I mean I have heard their reasonings, but honestly it truly makes me so frustrated because I think a lot of what I heard can only be boiled down to "I hate women" or "Kogami is not here".

Even when I begrudging sub to r/psychopass, I will always been haunted by random post about how everyone hating on s2, or telling people to skip it.

When I was rewatching all of psycho pass this past months with my friend @h4msanta, and having them watching it for the first time. I was once again remembered why s2 was so important to me.

ii. Ode to Shimotsuki Mika:

I really like Mika, I understand people probably liked her way more in s3 or starting at sinners of the system 1 which I lovingly call the "Mika propaganda".

But I liked her the moment I saw her. I really appreciate her character against Tsunemori Akane. She is so important, to me.

Imagine you are Shimotsuki Mika, you are 16 year old teenage girl. You are very smart but kind of blunt and rude as a person. So while you are great student, you are not really well liked. You have a crush on this other girl who you go to school with, but she is closer to her childhood best friend. You always felt like a third wheel in this friendship. Some other girl who is so much more popular and prettier freaks you out, and now because she talked to one of your friend, that girl disappeared. And you as a teenager felt something very wrong about this, but still told the girl you had a crush on to ask about if she cares about it so much.

You later learn both of them are murdered and displayed in the worst way possible.

The MWPSB, who shows up on scene to arrest who might be the murderer, who you suspect is that art girl who is more popular than you, ultimately failed to arrest or judge her before she escaped. The police who showed up did not solve the case, you cried in the arms of a kind woman who also work with the MWPSB. You don't know this yet, but she is also a latent criminal, the type of people you hate the most. But that doesn't matter to you because you have developed a crush on her.

You are 17 now, and you are the youngest person that have ever join MWPSB. You feel like you need to prove something to everyone, you don't want them to look down on you because you are young. You meet your co worker, you senior, a young woman who is 4 years older than you. Seeing s woman behind her, you remember her from that fateful day in the rain who kindly comforted you. You are told that she is an enforcer, this translated in your brain as a latent criminal. You realized that this was the unit who failed to capture your friend's murderer.

You are 18, and you have been on this job for a year and half now. But somehow people still treat you like you are a baby, you don't understand why your senior who you think is very reckless and unreasonable is liked by everyone. Not only by everyone, but also by the Chief. She seems to be able to do everything you can do better, and seems to go against Sybil's judgement all the time. Who does she think she is, you think to yourself. Worse is that even when you treat her with animosity, she treats you with cool professionalism, never seeming that bothered.

Your senior have always sent two enforcers with you, one who was once an inspector just like you, but why would you listen to him, he lost his job and sequentially lost his right to say anything about anything to you, the other one who you have being harboring a crush on this whole time, even though she is an enforcer, a latent criminal, she has been kind and patient with you, even though she also seems to trust in your senior's judgement. She might also be in a relationship with the analyst, but you choose not to think too hard about it so it won't cloud your hue. You don't understand why your senior is doing any of this.

The first time you are at a scene before her, you are unsure if you should go into the building to intervene, you stand there hesitating, you know there is a senior inspector already in the building. She has been on this job for 10 years now, how would she not know the protocols. And while you stand there with the two enforcers, this time without the pesky guy who used to be an inspector who give you words of advice you don't want to hear about, not knowing what to do, waiting for something to happen.

The Unit 2 people shows up on scene, they tell you they have taken over by the orders of the Chief. Once again you have been undermined, but none of that matter. Because swiftly after, the metal curtains rises and unit 2 points their Dominators at every person who ran out of the building clothed nothing beside their underwear, and judged all of them to be unfit to a part of Sybil's society. Your senior shows up on scene and screams at all of them. But you don't even know you heard that, you were too busy staring at all of the blood at your feet, these used to belong to the hostages.

You soon learned that the Senior who worked as an inspector for 10 years, was the first to be eliminated in the building, she was now also just another puddle of blood.

You learned that there is something very suspicious about one of the enforcers you work with, and how he has an odd obsession with your senior. You take the time while they are off on a case to research and even go to his quarters to do some sleuthing. You find out that is he is a massive stalker, have been taking pictures of her and analyzing it. You don't really know what you were going to do with this information. But you ended up finding more and more about this guy, so you go on and put all of this into a report to give your chief in lieu of explaining why you think your senior is not fit for the job.

What you did not realized that you got more than you bargained for, you have now learned the TRUTH of this world, the real face of Sybil. And you cannot turn back, and now "they", "they" want to ruin you.

Your senior continuously works with this guy who is monster under human clothing, unbeknownst to you, he designed himself to remind her of someone, the perfect kind of uncanny valley. He asks you to figure out where your senior's grandmother resides, and you are scared, and you are just 18, a man is looming over you, exerting power and unspoken violence at you, and part of you still think you want to hit where it hurts at your senior.

Very soon, your senior will have a melt down while confronted by a severed ear of her grandma. If any hope of having her grandmother coming back alive was dashed, when you were sent the brutal images of an old woman beaten to death, helpfully having her smiling face on the side as an addition to identify the bloody mess. Some part of you know that "they" probably sent this image to your senior as well.

In the mess of the moment, you slip away and find the man who has been threatening you bleeding on the verge of dying, you think maybe all you have to do is judge him. His hue is dark as soot, Sybil will judge him and all you need is pull the trigger. But his consciousness slips away before you make up your mind to shoot him, your Dominator returns to it dormant state. Your time has passed.

You declare that you will forget all of this. That you believe in Sybil, and that also means you believe in "them".

The female enforcer you relied on this whole time tells you that the person who leaked the information about your senior's grandmother was indeed that man, but she suspect there must be someone else who told that to him first. She says to you "whoever that person is, I'll never forgive them." In that moment, she seems cold, she looks at you pointily and you reply "same here". Your crush with her probably died in this moment.

You don't know this yet, but you probably never will forgive yourself.

In the coming years, you will grow to have a better relationship with your senior. You will call her your senior not with annoyance but because you grew to respect her and like her. And she will call you Mika-chan as token of affection she has for you. You will grow to rely on her, and she sees you as a trustworthy partner. Even if you don't see eye to eye on everything, you learn to work well with her, and with the rest of your team, forming real friendships with other enforcers, seeing them not just as a number, their crime coefficients, but as real human people. Something that took you a long time to learn.

Now you are the chief inspector, an amazing position to have at your young age. You have to take care of some hot headed rookies after your "senpai" entrusted Unit 1 to you. They are annoying, and reckless, and even more unreasonable. When they tell you about how they are doing all of this because they are detectives after all. You suddenly think about your unit 1.

(Psycho-pass 3 chapter 3 page 20)

You mutter annoyingly, you have to left these dumb kids go do their stupid justice.

You are the same age as the rooky pair. You are 24 years old, you have been on this job for 7 years now.

iii. Women's justice

I spend a lot of time thinking about the conversation Shion and Yayoi has at the end of s1. Yayoi notes that "all of the old fashion men are gone from the job", saying that they are "not suited", while Shion think it would be kinder to call them "romantics".

I did not even think about how crazy this is until recently, but during the 2 months where Gino went to a medical center and before he was reassigned back to unit 1 as an enforcer. There are only two people at the office of unit 1, Akane and Yayoi. How horrifying lonely and isolating that must be. Having to lose everyone in such a short amount of time, when does grieving for one starts and the grieving for the other ends.

Season 2 is a lot to me about where men and their understanding of justice led them, and fall out of that looks like. In s2, we focus on Akane's understanding of justice which stems from her faith in people and approaches to reasonings which heavily influenced by Kogami. We also have Mika who is more like Gino in s1, or even earlier in his career, a person who deeply believes that she is doing the right and just thing while missing the mark over and over again. And then we also have Aoyanagi who has been an inspector for 10 years, and felt that she kind of lost her way after killing her trusted enforcer that she knew for a long time. I adore all of them, and how their way of interacting with justice and crime is very different to first season.

I was honestly super happy to see Aoyanagi in Sinner of the System 2, seeing her being vibrant, caring and also forward thinking, getting to work together with Masaoka. It made me wish she will eventually get a prequel novel (that I will have to spend 2 week trying to find a way to read it).

This is me not saying "men are from Mars, women are from Venus", I thinks what I am trying to explain is more nuanced than just "men and women are the same" or saying "men and women are different". And I think Psycho pass is also trying to saying something here about gender. (All my favorite works are somehow about gender.)

I quite like characters like Mika, she is so righteous in what she believes in a worthy cause, the upholding of Sybil. She so firmly believes it, while her own pettiness and pride chides her into doing things that ruins her. I supports women's wrong, and sometimes women's wrong looks like a 18 year old girl fucking up her own and other people's life because she is too petty and too set in her own ways.

But I also think it is quite nice that we get to see her gradual growth through out sinner of the system and s3 and then her moment in providence, which made me and my friend actually cheer when we saw it. That Mika would go and beg Sybil to go help Akane, because Akane is too valuable. Mika is stubborn and petty and prideful, but she can grow to be loved by others, and by that she can also grow to love herself.

iv. Why both Togane and Kamui combine to make the shadow of Kogami

Togane as a character fascinates me so much. He was basically "genetically engineered " (not literally), I guess in this case, "emotionally engineered" to break through Akane's guard. He choose to smoke the same braid of cigarettes as Kogami, he stands near her to affirm her decisions, he talks in a way that made Akane think she is talking Kogami, quite literally overlapping Kogami's image over Togane's.

And he was able to achieve all of this by how you ask.

By rigorously stalking her, documenting her hue everyday, analyzing her facial expression. This chills me to no end. Stalking is not uniquely a crime that effects women, and any sources I could possible cite is probably woefully under reported. But I have heard many people told me that s2 is boring or low stakes or that one of my personal "favorite" was calling "kamui too feminine as a villian", which was a opinion I read on r/psychopass (why am I still in that sub reddit baffles even me) that now just lives rent free in my brain like some kind of horrible worm that won't leave.

I find Togane to be very unsettling, he feels so awfully predatorial, this can also be demonstrated in his interactions with Mika once he shows his true color to her. I think seeing Mika freak out and crying on the desk while he pushes her head down, never not given me fight or flight responses.

Kamui, on the other hand, is so soft. He is very polite. I guess I also learn that "narcissist" and his favorite item is "a mirror" in wiki. I don't know where they got that, and who is manning the psycho pass wiki, please put your sources in. Is it from the s2 profiling book? And also because it is not very complete, half of the pages don't even mention providence (which was a blessing for me for the longest time), and not to speak about the tvtropes page for psycho pass, which is riddled with how s2 is bad. Saying it like it a fact or something.

Kamui is so interesting, because he seems like he genuinely cares for each and every part of the people in his plan. Not saying that he is not ready to sacrifice them for the greater cause, but it also seemed like he felt bad for each of the people he lost on his way to confront Sybil. He shed tears for them, and seems like he remembers their name, their past, and their ambitions. This is why I was quite annoyed when I found out that somehow he was also a "narcissist" or something. Because I really liked the idea that Kamui was also suppose to be juxtaposition to Makashima in s1, who is very individualistic. But also that Kamui was also supposed to be Akane's foil. He believes everyone can be saved, by him.

I read this on Pixiv while reading a fic about Akane and Mika, that assessed, paraphrased by me "Mika hates criminals, but Akane hates crimes itself, to the point she wants to save criminals from crime."

Kamui felt like he was able to save people from Sybil. While being admired by the people he were able to save. Kamui still felt very alone being a collective, not being recognized by Sybil, let's say he is seeking recognized from the proverbial mother. The two kinds of fear of being "the horrifying ordeal of being known" vs "not being known". And this case Kamui wished to be seen.

Sybil as the proverbial mother. In a way mirroring Togane's complex about his mother, and his devotion to Sybil.

Kamui says in the first episode of s2 about thinking Akane would understand him, that the guy who just exploded, not by Akane's hand by the way, is very interesting. This is further expanded on in the manga, where in the later part of s1 Gino talks to his therapist, who we now know was just Kamui in holo, and Gino tells him that he doesn't want to stop working yet, even if it leads to him having worsen hues. And it is thanks to watching Akane's work in the field giving him a sense of hope. That hope is also what pushes Kamui to go on and commit the action of s2.

In the tunnels, Akane walk through them alone. Kamui is holding many hostages underground as his final plan of s2 to DDos the system, and she was told to go detonate the bomb that will bury them all by Sybil. She made up her mind to do something different, this new found courage and determination given to her by imagining Kogami by her side.

She will let Kamui judge Sybil and so Sybil can judge him.

In the dark she encounters Kogane, who tell her that supported her, and telling her that he would go kill Kamui, that "Enforcer Kogami would've done the same". These were words that designed to get her. There is something really awful about Kogane, like inspirational murderer who wants to set people free or war hungry mercenary dictating the causality of peace, these are all very horrible and scary. But Togami feels very personal, slimy, all this is to groom her to be in the perfect corner for him to corrupt her.

After Kamui and Akane face the Sybil system. Togane comes in and is ready to execute Kamui, and Akane runs in to stop him. Togane has already seen his mother's brain scattered on the ground before he came in, he has nothing to lose. He proudly tells Akane that he was the one who brutally beat Akane's grandmother to death. Akane's psycho pass spike up to 87.9, which is the highest we ever saw her.

Kamui reassures Akane that "the spirit of the law" that she so deeply believes in, "if that can become the scales of justices that weigh all society equally". With real law like that, can make even Sybil a real god someday. This steels Akane, and her number drops to 48.5. Kamui pushes Akane away, and both Togane and Kamui shoot each other.

And in the most insane decision s2 production could have done. After Akane who spends the better half of s2 chasing Kogami's shadow by lighting up his cigarettes, hallucinating him encouraging her, and at her worst by overlapping Togane's words and image with Kogami's voice. The s2 production team made that, the moment when Kamui gets shot and turns to her, visually mirror Kogami getting shot by Akane in s1 episode 1.

That mirroring shot composition will haunt me forever I guess.

In every corner, Akane will see Kogami, whether if she tries to look for him or not. And that is how both Kamui and Kogane makes a Kogami.

v. Kogami and Akane's relationship

I feel like I need to explain my thoughts on this, before I go and excitably draw my 7 days of Shinkane week, which will probably be an art piece that I am mildly happy with, accompanied by like a dissertation paper on my feelings about them in every "era" of their interactions.

I am a shinkane shipper don't get me wrong, but I am also of the firm belief that Akane also isn't romantically interested in Kogami in the s1. This is quite important to me, even when I was a teenager watching the show. Akane seems to not be bothered when she is teased by Kagari for liking Kogami, when she blushes about going on a date, she is actually blushing at the concept of learning profiling, and not an outing with Kogami.

I found Akane incredibly admirable steadfast in her belief of justice and law. It was very important to me that the s1 anime did not make her seem like a blushing school girl who clung to Kogami's every word because she liked him romantically. She listened and challenged him, even going to wager her worth to safely retrieve him with Sybil. Because she saw Kogami to be her partner, her mentor, a person who she trusted and admired.

This is probably more of me speculating on "vibes" alone, but on the other hand, I believe that Kogami might have caught feeling for Akane at a certain point in the middle of s1. This is just me, but also Kogami cannot be more happy to see Akane in every scene in the 2015 movie. That is a guy who is very happy to see Akane, even when he is told this is supposed to be their execution ground.

Akane develops her habit on relying on Kogami's cigarette smoke, I think this is more for comfort, and maybe closer to infatuation than love, or maybe it is faith.

And then 2015 movie they just had to have the most tension ever, horrifying amount of chemistry, and then it is all over I guess. Akane, kogami, they were all cooked. after that, every time they are on scene I am biting the corners of my television, grrr bark hisiss. And every time Kogami mention Akane he looks so soft, what is wrong with him, big wet cat ugghhdhdheeeeshh why didn't you just say sorry when you had the opportunity too, gasrrrrrr.

Oh yeah, I was trying to explain why this all matters. So having Akane wanting to rely on Kogami is what made her looks vulnerable and exploitable in the eyes of Togane.

Which is why I think it is quite funny and important that Akane learns kind of the wrong-ish right-ish lesson by the end of s2. Saiga tells her that he is going to put himself back in the cage, despite of the fact that his hue has been improving, and he tells her "being dependent doesn't quite suit me".

This later part is not in the anime version, but in the end of the manga, (in this case because psycho pass is an anime original, I use manga as a supplementary material) she looks at the cigarette and notes that she is okay and that she is now a full-fledged detective.

(Psycho-pass 2 chapter 26 page 25)

And the last line she says in the manga mirrors the line that Saiga says, she puts out cigarette and says " after all being dependent doesn't quite suit me". (I did not include the page after since it is translated as "since depending on does not mean to agree on". my translation is from comparing the Japanese scan and comparing it to the Chinese one.)

I think this is a quite important moment for her since Akane spends a lot of her time feeling like she is playing catch up with Kogami. This also doesn't mean that she doesn't still want to reach out to Kogami when she is given the chance to. She doesn't stop lighting cigarettes even in 2015 movie and she goes all the way to SEAUn to go find him.

Akane I think understood that she needed to stop relying on ghost in her mind, and maybe when the next time she see Kogami she wants to be treated more as an equal (emotionally). Which is why the phone call scene in Providence makes me go feral.

vi. Sybil as a character, who also wants character growth

People who are not happy with s2 and called the ending unsatisfying, probably had a different idea of what they wanted the show to be.

In a story like psycho pass, one who watch the first season would easily describes it as the "dystopian sci-fi thriller" it is. But honestly by the 2015 movie, can you really call the world of psycho-pass a dystopia? I have never read a piece of work where lots and lots of character agrees and knows there is something very wrong with the world. But instead of choosing to tear it all down, they are attempting to systematically incrementally changes it from within. A lot of people out there might not think it is that sexy, but I think reform is really cool and based. And as we live in our own dystopian world, that is how the real work enact changes as well, I actually really appreciate how Psycho pass takes it time.

Of course, by the point when season 2 come up, people don't know that yet.

In s2 Sybil is also an active player in the world. Sybil can be cunning, actively pitting Mika against Akane, and watch them run around like funny little lab rats. They are afraid to be shaken and challenged, they don't want to hold up a mirror. They are curious, they also want to be accepted. They can also experience fear. All of this makes for great conflicts in s2. And Akane for one, is interested in having Sybil improve with time or to be threaten to be left behind.

Kamui wants to have a honest conversation with Sybil, and Akane leads him to it. Kamui is recognized by Sybil for the first time, now Sybil can also "see" themselves now. Akane points the Dominator at him, and Kamui asks her that why doesn't she point the Dominator at Sybil.

"The one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" Kamui tells her, "when a true judge appears someday, no matter how many brains it removes, it Crime Coefficient may remain high."

"it is possible that this judge might be, the person standing in front of me right now". I have to say this whole conversation is probably really ringing crazy bells in my head because I just watched Providence for the first time not too long ago. (I am not okay, I am ill, god it was everything I need, I need to go cry and vomit in the bathroom now)

There are two parts of it. In s3 Arata talks about the reason why he like Dominators is because it has a trigger, and that he can choose to shoot or not. This is a huge part of Akane's belief as well, very evident in the episode 1 of s2, where she wait to shoot the guy on the edge of 299 to 300.

I have always liked the conversation in s1 where Kasei talks to Gino about the trusting the system. The idea is not that Sybil system is perfect, but instead human belief makes it perfect. The efforts of the people, the faith they have in this system, that is what make the system run smoothly.

And having people like Akane and Arata, and all of the other people they influenced, who actively challenge the System's judgment, they had made the system better. This is what "the one who's holding the Dominator becomes a part of it" means to me.

The second part of this conversation is about judgement to Sybil. This is something that is again echoed in Providence, Akane lets Sybil absorbs General, Tonami in anger shoots her and declares that what she is trying to do is killing god, "you are the witch who bring disaster to society."

And then Akane went and killed god in the end of Providence, and both my friend and I just had to pause the movie, and scream into a pillow for 10 minutes.

Akane believes her action would be helpful for improvement of both Sybil and law. This is such a fascinating concept. And I really cannot wait to see if they will explore this idea further in s4.

Sybil is still evolving, and one day they will stand judgement before the people.

vii. Wrapping up because I spent 2 days writing this non stop

There are still so much I want to write about in s2, about how Gino is so funny in season 2 and how I love him. And how much I love Sho as an adorable fluff ball. Yayoi and Shion going strong. And also SAIGA!

There are so much I can say about the whole s2 that really makes me want to scream from the roof top. Long long ago when I imagined myself writing this *look at word count and sweat* normal looking tumblr post. (pending 5.2k ish) I thought about naming it something like "In Defense of Psycho pass 2", but honestly speaking s2 is amazing, it speaks for itself.

This ended up being half me talking about s2 and half me just needing to word vomit about Providence that permanently bricked my brain.

One day I will write the post about Providence ending mirrors, s1 ending and that is going to kill me.

If you read to the end, thank you! Looking forward to more unhinged post from me? With better art hopefully.