#ironic that the bad boy gets a police dog

[elysia-nsimp]

OC introduction: Comet Yuusonya (Twisted Wonderland)

Basics

Comet Yuusonya (she/her) (sometimes Comet Morningstar depending on the AU and storyline we’re going with) is the protagonist of my main TWST AU. She gets isekai’d to Twisted Wonderland at the age of 16, and becomes Ramshackle’s Prefect. She’s in the same class as Ace.

Comet is asexual (& sex repulsed), as well as polyamorous. She can’t figure out what label works best for her sexuality, so she just uses heteroromantic since that’s as close as she can get.

Comet is around 5’1” (does not appreciate her height), a little underweight at around 95-100 lbs. Her best subject is astrology, but she generally excels at artistic and physical science classes. Any class that includes math in some way is not her forte.

She’s dedicated herself to both the Mountain Lovers Club and Gargoyle Studies Club, as well as eventually starting up her own club, being Dance. How did she get into several clubs? Threatened Crowley.

Hobbies, Talents, Preferences

Comet enjoys the arts. She’s a digital artist, typically sketching traditionally first—she also enjoys singing, dancing, theatre, making and listening to playlists, and writing, as well as cooking and baking. She’s also big into astrology AND astronomy, loving anything space-related. She’s also pretty good at interior design.

Her main talent, and the one she’s most renowned for, is her ability to psychoanalyze people. This talent of hers is what got her through the first few overblots with no magic. She’s also well known for spewing out the most insanely specific threats when she feels unsafe. She usually won’t go through with them, but… there’s been a few she has.

She enjoys helping people, like as a general concept. She also enjoys her art and baking. Her favourite foods are bean and cheese burritos and chicken tacos :). She does NOT enjoy large bodies of water (especially the ocean) and others being overbearing. She also absolutely hates it when others ignore what she’s saying, whether with good intention or not. Her least favourite food is anything pig meat, especially bacon.

Backstory

Comet comes from a rural town in Oregon, United States. She lives with her mom and her dad, and has an older sibling (they/them) who has moved out. She used to have two cats, one was her best friend, before they both passed from old age complications. Her family dog is still alive and well, though.

Comet had a rough childhood, but she doesn’t think of most of it was very traumatic, though. She is very autistic (and ADHD), so she went through quite a bit of bullying and alienation for being different than the other kids. Still, her parents loved and supported her as best they could.

On several DIFFERENT occasions, Comet has had… bad experiences with the ocean. At least twice, she’s almost gotten swept up at sea, and she once watched her dad nearly drown. Because of this, she has very intense thalassophobia.

She also had an incident regarding an ice cream truck that ended up with her about a state away, in a police station, waiting for her parents to come pick her up after biting the shit out of a guy. Because of this, Comet has a pretty big fear of men too.

The incident that sent Comet to Twisted Wonderland was… yet another experience with the ocean. She doesn’t remember exactly what happened, but she does remember walking with a friend before falling into a river.

Being sent to an all-boys school was… not helping Comet’s fear, so she disguised herself as a boy, going by the name Kuiper, and remained distant until the secret got out. She ended up feeling safe enough with a couple students that she opened up again and went back to being herself. This happened shortly after the events of book 3.

Unique Magic

She learned magic entirely from scratch after spending a damn while in Twisted Wonderland.

Her signature spell is… ironically enough, Gleam and Glow. This spell has two functions—either heal or hurt. If Comet sings her incantation in a major key, the spell heals, while if she sings it in a minor key, ir causes damage. It’s all based on intent, since a key can be either major or minor. The incantation is LITERALLY just the healing incantation from Tangled. Comet did not intend this.

Flower, Gleam and Glow,

Let your power shine.

Make the clock reverse,

Bring back what once was mine.

Heal what has been hurt,

Change the fates’ design,

Save what has been lost,

Bring back what once was mine.

Relationships

Here’s… just a list of the canon characters.

Riddle Rosehearts

Comet is terrified of him. Yelling is an emotional trigger to her, so his anger issues is a BIG problem for her. She avoids him whenever possible.

Trey Clover

They’re baking buddies! She considers him a Safe Guy.

Cater Diamond

She adopted him as her brother. He didn’t get a choice. She heard one (1) thing about his sisters and decided she was replacing them.

Ace Trappola

She’s stuck with him… and hasn’t been able to shake him since. She thought he was annoying at first, but he grew on her. He is Safe.

Deuce Spade

She’s liked Deuce since they met. She considers him Very Safe.

Leona Kingscholar

Comet is very unsure about him. She’s not a big fan of him, but she doesn’t think he’s unsafe or anything.

Ruggie Bucci

She’s neutral about Ruggie.

Jack Howl

He is Friend Shaped

Azul Ashengrotto

She did NOT like him when they first met, given he TOOK HER HOME FROM HER. But after his overblot, she realized they have a lot in common. She works at Mostro Lounge for an extra few madol occasionally. She may or may not be crushing.

Jade Leech

Much like Azul, she didn’t like him AT ALL when they met. She didn’t trust him in the slightest. However, as time went on, she ended up liking him quite a bit, even joining his club just to spend more time with him. By this point, they’re dating. He is Very Safe to her.

Floyd Leech

She didn’t like him at ALL… hated him and his stupid grin, even. She avoided this fucker like the plague… until after book 3. After her secret was out, she had a BAD day of not being very accepted by her peers. Floyd found her crying outside and they ended up talking. All of Comet’s opinions of Floyd did a whole 180 when he basically told her that the gender she presents as doesn’t matter to him—she’s just shrimpy. It meant a lot, given the day she had. They started dating a while after that. He is also Very Safe.

Kalim Al-Asim

He was one of the first people who found out her big secret. She’s always considered him a friend. Very Safe.

Jamil Viper

You have no idea how DISTRUSTFUL Comet was of Jamil. She was narrowing her eyes at him the entirety of book 4. When Kalim didn’t punch him, she DID. Anyway now she thinks he’s pretty

Vil Schoenheit

He has made her cry with his strictness on several occasions. She’s not sure if she likes or hates him.

Rook Hunt

BAD. AWFUL. UNSAFE. He needs to stay at least 50 feet from her at all times.

Epel Felmier

She thinks he’s annoying lowkey

Idia Shroud

They talk online sometimes.

Ortho Shroud

She loves him very much she thinks he is adorable and they have similar energies

Malleus Draconia

Safe!!! She doesn’t care that he’s a prince tbh she just thinks “this bitch autistic. good for him.” She calls him Lunie and they are very obviously romantically interested in each other. Mutual pining ftw

Lilia Vanrouge

He keeps startling her. And keeps trying to adopt her. She’s fine with this tbh

Sebek Zigvolt

SEVENS HES ANNOYING. And loud. Again with the yelling thing. He has made her cry many times.

Silver

Completely neutral. No opinions either way.

Crowley

Comet wishes to remove his esophagus.

Trein

She’s… fine with him. He’s one of the teachers ever.

Crewel

Crewel is her fav teacher :) she helps him grade sometimes.

Vargas

He scares the shit out of her. He is LOUD and he is �� loud and she doesn’t like that >:((

Sam

She likes Sam a lot actually. He knew her secret from day one because she went to buy a wig (she didn’t know she was gonna be STUCK THERE) and he was super cool about it.

Other Works

Comet’s Twisted Adventure (CH 1)

Comet’s Overblot

POV my links ARENT WORKING so I have to add links later… for now go into my twst masterlist on my pinned post, they’re there

Comet has her own Tumblr account. Talk to her here! @starcrossedmoonlet

Her playlist ⬇️

Media

This last one was made by my buddy Howl

[djmossback]

Spacebar Thrd Spc Sat 16 Sept 2023

THE SETLIST

Let The Music Play, Shannon (lp cut)

Bad Life, PiL (12" 45 RPM)

Give Me Some Slack, Cars (lp cut)

Every 1’s A Winner, Hot Chocolate (lp cut)

Ms. Fat Booty, Mos Def (12" explicit)

Jive Talkin’, Bee Gees (7" 45)

Oh Sheila, Ready For The World (7" 45)

Rock The Casbah, The Clash (7" 45)

Back & Forth, Cameo (12" 33 1/3 )

Roxanne, Police (7" 45)

I Thank You, ZZ Top (lp cut)

Ex’s & Oh’s, Elle King (lp cut)

Walk This Way, RUN D.M.C. (12" 33 1/3 )

2200 hrs

Metal Gods, Judas Priest (lp cut)

You Dropped A Bomb On Me, Gap Band (lp cut)

Sex Shooter, Apollonia 6 (12" 45 RPM)

Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man, Bob Seger System (lp cut)

Let’s Dance, David Bowie (12" 33 1/3 )

Pick Up The Pieces, Average White Band (lp cut)

Got To Be Real, Cheryl Lynn (7" 45)

Couldn’t Get It Right, Climax Blues Band (7" 45)

Love Action, Human League (lp cut)

Love Plus One, Haircut One Hundred (7" 45)

Knock On Wood, Amii Stewart (12" 33 1/3 )

Boogie Oogie Oogie, Taste Of Honey (lp cut)

No Scrubs, TLC (12" 33 1/3 )

Declaration Of Rights, Abyssinians (lp cut)

2300 hrs

Clint Eastwood, Gorillaz (12" 33 1/3 )

She’s Crafty, Beastie Boys (lp cut)

Boys Are Back In Town, Thin Lizzy (lp cut)

The Futures So Bright, Timbuk 3 (lp cut)

Do The Du, A Certain Ratio (12" 45 RPM)

Black Sap Scriptures, Plague Vendor (lp cut)

Hair Of The Dog, Nazareth (lp cut)

Dirty Rat, Orbital (lp cut)

Pressure, Ari Lennox (lp cut)

Keep On Movin, Soul II Soul (12" 33 1/3 )

YAH, Kendrick Lamar (lp cut)

Joan Of Arc, OMD (12" 45 RPM)

West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys (12" 33 1/3 )

Mama Used To Say, Junior (12" 33 1/3 )

Nothing Left To Lose, Everything But The Girl (lp cut)

Midnight

Original Sin, INXS (lp cut, Dance Music comp)(Pictured!)

Rock With You, Michael Jackson (7" 45)

Maneater, Hall & Oates (12" 33 1/3 )

Rise, Herb Alpert (12" 33 1/3 )

Money (Dollar Bill Y’all), Jimmy Spicer (lp cut, hits comp)(Pictured!)

Funk You Up, The Sequence (12" 33 1/3 )

Chameleon, Herbie Hancock (lp cut)

Open The Iron Gate, Max Romeo (lp cut)

Who Do You Love, Bo Diddley (lp cut, mono, hits comp)

Seven Nights To Rock, Moon Mullican (lp cut)

blue bones (deathwish), Billy Nomates (lp cut)

Remembering Me, Cate le Bon (lp cut)

The Meaning Of Love, Depeche Mode (12" 45 RPM)

Little Fluffy Clouds, The Orb (12" 45 RPM Drum & Bass mix by Youth)

Love my Spacebar people.

TASTING NOTES

I was kind of prepared. Lots of new records. New old records, too: a wealth of vintage mid-70s funk and disco 12” records came into my possession. But, none of those made it into the crate; I had plenty of other acquisitions to integrate into the flow. I am constantly on the search for the familiar unexpected, and the unfamiliar unexpected, without falling prey to the obvious. And I did what I set out to do. Some of the best segues I have ever done happened tonight... often followed up with the most ham-handed and poor transitions in the history of Third Space Saturday. I’m just happy DJ IGA was not there to witness it, and scowl at my transgressions!

It probably didn’t sound like anything in the house, but your audience or listeners aren’t concerned with the details or technicalities. They want to play Centipede, or get nice with someone.

Cyberjewel gave herself the night off, which probably lent itself to me getting stuck in the elevator, and getting to the booth at 2058, for a start time of 2100 hrs. I wanted to get there early to set up, because there was a live event the night before. Luckily, except for the house sound, things were largely in order. I struggled with volume in the house, problems that weren’t solved until Jules showed up unexpectedly halfway through. Within 5 minutes, the PA was set properly, and I had an Athletic NA in a glass. 

Will was in the house, stationed at the print shop bar. It was great to play for the man who is piloting the spaceship. “She’s Crafty” was played for him. He was excited to get to “hear a Mossback set.” He set up my backgrounds on the TVs you can see on the video and busied himself breaking down the stage setup in the performance area. He works hard. I’m so happy I get to contribute to this thing he made happen. And I will stay as long as they want me. 

The crowds, as usual, were several waves of different people rolling through. At first there were normals. And that’s when the two “request” inquiries happened. Lately I’ve been engaging with people to help read the room, without actually playing what they request. Tonight, I was just trying to get situated. So, I politely declined. But the third person that came up asked about the Shannon track that I opened with, so I was pumped for that! I loved seeing the early 20s kids dancing around to “Maneater” by Hall & Oates, too. The kids are alright. The ones that come through the bar during my sets are game for anything. Well, not the guy who came up and asked for Drake. No bueno. 

I worry that my approach to things is too laid back, like part of the atmosphere. Perhaps my lack of self promotion, and my “let the music be the program” attitude, doesn’t lend itself to making Mossback sets an “event.” Maybe I need to get on the mike and relentlessly exhort people to wave their hands in the air, and relentlessly name check “MOSSSSS-BAAAAAACK!” ad nauseum. I am going to get some coasters made, maybe that will help.

There were some slack periods, unusual for a Saturday night. It made set construction challenging. The energy from the people in the bar contributes to your set in subtle ways, and it was challenging to play without it. But I found my footing, and learned to play without it. I made choices I might not have made with a crowd there. 

The Shannon track I started with was from an LP, but it was a 12” dance mix. It’s a “dance”-oriented compilation from Atlantic Records that also has INXS (which I played) and Phil Collins (which I didn’t play but may in the future). “Sususudio” kicks! The comp is set up in a good way, three songs per side. It almost feels like cheating, but there is a lot of useful stuff on there and it doesn’t take up a ton of space in the crate. And the three-songs-per-side format sounds good, lots of low end. For what I’m doing, it works out fine. 

Compilations can be too loaded with material to be useful in this setting, too many songs crammed onto a side, bad remastering, no thump or presence. So I’m sparing in my use of them. But I carry several around with me just for fun, like Soul Jazz comps and the Trojan Records Toots and the Maytals collection.

Will loved the Jimmy Spicer track I played from the Ace Records subsidiary BGP collection chronicling the first decade of hip-hop called “Dollar Bill Y’All.” It consists of records released by the Spring label, which was run by an industry lifer Bill Curtis, who was also a member of the band Fatback. Dude heard the potential in the hip-hop sound early, and the Spring offshoot Posse had early work from Ice-T, Afrika Islam, Marley Marl and artists promoted by Russell Simmons, like Jimmy Spicer. I followed that up with a Sugar Hill Records group, The Sequence. I like the old hip-hop sound. It still sounds good in the club. Will also dug the Herb Alpert “Rise” mix I have. It was so much fun to see him and the crew dancing around to it. 

I ended right at 0100 hours. Funny how that worked out. I just didn’t feel like going any longer. Maybe I got too much rest that day. I usually like to go until close, just because I like it there, but tonight it wasn’t right, so I bugged out and got home at a decent hour.

Next Third Space is 21 October, 2023. 9PM to 1AM, unless I get inspired to stay.

[inslo]

It Begins.... and some mood swings...

It begins…last week I gave away several books from my childhood to my best friends’ kid.  I was saving them in hopes of passing them on to my kids.  This week I am selling my REI camp loveseat at a rummage for $20 that I likely paid $120 for back in 2010 for my first fiancé and I.  I bought it and kept it in hope of snuggling with someone I love with it.  I don’t have any memories of using it with my first fiancé, or even Angie.  It’s only been used a handful of times, ironically most often with my dog.  The only time I remember actually snuggling anyone in it was that crazy WELS girl who broke up with me right afterwards.  What shall I cleanse my house of next?

Mood Swings Good and bad:  Bad:  I started putting up “No Soliciting” signs on my doors during presidential election years about ten or twelve years ago, as I noticed an increase of doorbell rings during the months leading up to the November election.  I will never buy anything from a door-to-door sales person (except girl scout cookies or once the boy scouts were selling Christmas wreaths.) I also know I like to pick verbal arguments with the door-to-door political workers no matter what side they’re on….and I dislike the persistence of the door-to-door people who ring multiple times and pound on the doors.  So it’s just better off that they avoid my house.   This simple “No Soliciting” sign worked well, until I had someone ring my doorbell and I scolded them pointing at the sign.   Their response was, “We’re not selling anything, we’re taking a poll.”  So…I made a “No Soliciting, No Exceptions” sign that also includes wording for No polls, politics, home/lifestyle enhancing products including pest control and religion.  Two weeks ago I had a door-to-door sales person ring my doorbell.  When I went out I simply asked, “What are you selling?”  He said, “Pest Control.”  I said, “What does the sign on my door say?”  He said, “I don’t know I’m dyslexic.”  I told him the sign says no soliciting and the sign explicitly says “No Pest Control”.  He then persisted anyway to try to get me to listen to his sales pitch and finally I had had it and had to raise my voice at him to have him leave my property immediately.  It begins…me: the grumpy old man

The second part of mood swings: Good: I have some very informal, very brief training working security, but that’s it.  Last week we had a street person wandering the building and he ended up in my office sitting in my guest chair at my desk.  When he left I secretly followed him until he entered the ‘executives suite’ at which point I called for the police department to take care of the situation. Afterwords I spoke to several other employees about the situation, and even the other men that I spoke to would have either been too scared or not know what to do in the situation.   

I was just at our state fair and while I was filling up my water bottle at a water dispensing unit, an irate man was creating a disturbance and shouting at a lady (or several) at the entrance to the womens bathroom.  Not saying a single word, I physically put myself between the man and the ladies and he left and I left as well, though he was verbally taunting me which I ignored.  I’m not sure why I did this.  It is not, by far, the first time either.  It seems like my nature is to defend and protect women.   If it were two guys shouting, I know I would have avoided the situation entirely.  If it were a woman shouting at a man, I also feel like I would have avoided it as well.  …..Also, on two hikes I’ve been on through Meetup, there were women who either had asthma or had had a recent surgery and the pain was acting up and they needed to slow their pace, rest or step back for a few moments while the rest of the group kept walking.  I was the only person who stayed behind with them.  I’m not sure I would have done that if they were men? 

[ninjasmart]

Hi ninja, will you do a reading about Natalia Grosvenor? How is she feeling at the moment? Is she ill? She didn't look very well at the wedding 💒💍

When I saw all those wrinkles I got concerned too. In general, as a non-sucky human being. I do believe something upset her on that day and it's likely something that has been making her blood boil multiple times in order for this impecable high status woman to wear her displeasure on her face.

Anyway, I pulled cards for both - how she feels and how her health is. About how she feels there is one card that I cannot get the meaning of it - the King of Swords. It often comes as police, investigators, someone with authority to say what's going to happen. It came as hidden card. Something she herself is not aware of. Maybe someone is gathering information for her and it's still ongoing. I don't know.

The rest of the cards are very positive. She has a good intuition about whatever it is she had put her mind into. Her instincts were right whatever that may mean (High Priestess). She is all about family and the tight knit family. I don't know if they have dogs but the 10 of pentacles shows 2 dogs and I believe dogs can bring good energy. In her case - a black cat would do it too. There is also the strength card - finaly taming her stong willed boy and being happy about it (I have no idea where these snarky comments come from within her akasha but boy, just typing it I feel bad) . All in all she is focused on family and that makes her happy.

I pulled a card for O and what she thinks of her. It was 3 of cups reversed. Something about the wedding that O or her family did displeased her. However, whe blames it on O. However, that is not what had her upset. 3 of pentacles reversed indicates that.

Now, the health. I'll start with the things that she already knows but it is worth it to raise that warning because she's ignoring her health. 9 of swords reversed talks about refusal to worry about health. Although it is a good card to have this is nowhere near close to what taking care of own's self and health means.

The tower reversed is talking about neglecting symptoms of possible issues. One that was quite clear was the wrinkles on the face. A collagen diet is nasty for people outside the asian culture but it's effective. There are other things that she can do to keep those wrinkles at bay.

I do get the feeling that there are other symptoms she is not paying attention to. The next card in the pack was 7 of cups reversed. Whatever those symptoms are - it is not unknown what they are and what they mean.

For example - people with low iron tend to be tired l the time, have feel dizzy sometimes, won't eat all day simply because they don't crave anything. People who don't know the signs may feel like - whatever, I'm getting old. But people who know them will recognize that they need to take action as soon as more than one comes up.

The last card for her health is 7 of pentacles in reverse. This is the true warning. He habits from the past are catching up with her and the window to do something about it so that she can be strategic with her health is not so big.

Now - those habits may be even something people usually don't consider bad but it is in the long term. For example - not drinking tea, not doing exercise (pilates is good for the health at any age), not walking enough.

Her focus is on her family and that is understandable. At the same time - as integral part of that family her self-care would benefit in being more in focus. Some new habits need to be created so that she enjoys more years with her family.

[doitwrite]

Prompt: “For $50 dollars, I’ll help you do anything,” one man boldly claimed. “Clean your house? $50! Take your dog for a walk? $50! Kill a corrupt governor? $50!”

Crime Boss Sloane and the $50 Miracle- Part 1

Ezekiel snorted, eyeing the man from a safe distance beneath the brim of his fedora on the park bench. You can find all sorts of people in New York, he thought. People barely stopped to stare at the man—this was merely the bread and butter of living in the big city. Crazy people screaming, scamming, trying to sell you things…you learn to live with it. As long as you didn’t make eye contact, you were safe most of the time. The man didn’t look crazy, though. On the contrary, he was dressed in a sharp black suit, perfectly pressed black dress pants. A bright purple pocket square matched the ironed purple bowtie tied beneath a clean shaven chin. He had sharp cheekbones and a slim build, and the way he waved his long-fingered hands made Ezekiel suspect that this guy could steal the boots right off your feet, if you weren’t careful.

 Handsome. Except for those green eyes.

There was something unsettling about the way they didn’t shine in the light, even though it was a sunny afternoon. They reminded Ezekiel of the way a murderer’s eyes looked, and he would know. The last big job he’d sent his boys on involved doing away with an assassin that had been causing trouble around the financial district.

His dog, Pom-Pom, growled and barked at the man, yanking on his leash. The man looked back, unfazed.

“Nice dog you’ve got. How about it? I can walk him around the whole city, if you’d like.” He talked like a walking commercial, salesman charm dripping off every syllable.

Ezekiel grinned slightly, stretching the scar that stretched from the corner of his mouth up his left cheek.

“No, thanks. I enjoy walking him myself.” Pom-pom barked again, and Ezekiel reached down to smooth a hand over his furry head. The dog suddenly pulled on the leash, and it jerked out of Ezekiel’s hand. Before he could react, the man had smoothly reached down in a single movement and seized the leash. The leash went taut, but Pom-pom was stopped dead in his tracks. He turned back, smiling that winning smile at Ezekiel, and wordlessly held out the leash. Huh. Ezekiel took it. The man’s hands were startlingly soft.

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

He decided to humor the man.

“So, anything for $50, huh? Interesting gig.”

“That’s what I said,” the man purred, smoothly.

“You got a name?”

“Vane Weatherdon. And you?”

“Charles Creed. If you don’t mind me asking, how’d you start on this job?”

Vane smiled, breezily. “Oh, well. Drifted around, here and there. Funny what you can get fifty dollars for doing.” Ezekiel realized for the first time that he had very long lashes.

“Alright, then. What are you good at?”

“I can bake bread, fix a car engine, play the violin. And just about everything in between…well, anything useful, anyway. Legal or not.”

The corners of Ezekiel’s mouth turned up. “Isn’t it dangerous telling me that? I could report you to New York's finest, you know.”

Those dull green eyes stared back at him. “Sure. But that won't help you.”

“And why not?”

“You’ve got no proof. As far as you know, I’m just an upstanding citizen trying to make his way in the world, just like everyone else. Besides, Mr. Sloane. Your own nose isn’t exactly clean, is it?” He held up his perfectly manicured left hand, where Ezekiel’s worn leather wallet was trapped between his two fingers. Flipping it open, he revealed the license of one Mr. Charles Creed, and tapped it.

Ezekiel raised an eyebrow.

“It’s an excellent fake. Could fool even the most seasoned police officer. I’d have been fooled too.”

“Except…?”

“This is my work, Mr. Sloane. Bryan swung by last week, said Mr. Creed wanted to spend a few days just relaxing in the city. I don’t blame you, being a crime boss isn’t exactly a low-stakes job, is it?”

Ezekiel didn’t even feel surprised.

“Not bad.” Vane gave a mock bow, then returned the wallet.

“It’s a real shame we didn’t meet earlier, Vane. You’re quite something.”

“Better late than never, hm?” Vane leaned in. Ezekiel could smell cologne on him, something that made him think of smoky bars, or having a cigarette on the balcony at midnight.

He felt lips brush his cheek as a strand of his hair was tucked behind his ear. “Give me a call if you need some extra hands. I like a challenge.” Then he was gone. Ezekiel stood for a moment, knowing without looking that Vane was out of sight. Then Pom-Pom yelped and barked, leaping onto his hind legs and putting his front paws on Ezekiel’s coat.

“Ugh, Pom. Down.” He shooed the dog away, then realized there was a card tucked into his jacket pocket.

141-425-2555. A small heart was drawn beside it.

Ezekiel grinned, and touched his scar. It was tingling.

[dumbbitchenergy17]

Bringer of Chaos

With the reveal of you as the UA traitor, 1-A and the Pro Heroes now have to face the war coming to them. By the Bringer of Chaos.

Words- 6.6K

UA!Traitor x MHA, Tomura Shigaraki x Reader (Sibling Relationship)

Warnings: MAJOR Character death, violence, death, Stockholm syndrome, angst, and lots of sadness

A/N: For the readers quirk it’s chaos magic just like Scarlet Witch as well as hero costume. This isn’t a crossover making the reader Scarlet Witch, just that that quirk works for the story and I couldn’t think of any other villain costume. Anyways hope you all enjoy.

Was it fear that she felt.

All their eyes on her.

Heroes think they were in the right but how many people died by their hands. Why say you're a hero if you can’t save them all right?

You had always had a dangerous quirk when you were younger, both your parents were quirkless but when they had you, you had one. Chaos Magic is what they called it the ability to tap into and utilizes the chaotic forces of the universe, capable of warping, manipulating and/or reconstructing reality and probability as well as the very fabric of existence. They had no clue where it came from and from which side of the family passed it down. Two quirkless parents raising a child with a strong quirk, they had no clue what to do.

You were pulled out of school after your quirk had manifested and you made a stuffed animal bear come to life, scaring the class and teacher and forcing you to transform it back to a regular toy. With such a strong quirk your parents were afraid that you could hurt someone when your quirk grew stronger and you were homeschooled for the safety of you but mostly the safety of others.

Society deemed people without quirks useless and not successful, if you had one you better hope it was powerful and flashy or you wouldn’t be going anywhere with your life. When you were younger you looked up to heroes, they saved the day and kept everyone safe from the bad guys. You remembered sitting on the couch with your parents watching the news and seeing the heroes save the day and you would stand up and turn to your parents saying you would become a hero and save everyone. They would smile and tell you if you worked hard enough you would be the next number one hero. With your childhood you were happy everyone was safe, until they weren’t.

The police and heroes said there was nothing they could have done to save them, it was a break-in. They had shown up and slaughtered your parents leaving you there sitting in between their bleeding bodies alone. That was when you knew heroes couldn’t save everyone, the society they live among is corrupt. Heroes looking after popularity votes and looks instead of actually saving lives. Ironically there were others they had similar ideals as you did. You were passed around from foster home to foster home but, no one wanted to deal with a child whose quirk was too dangerous; they didn’t want a villain-like kid.

You were six when you ran away after another foster family sent you back after you had made the dog they had got as a welcoming gift disappear never to return. You kept running until your legs wouldn’t let you move anymore and that’s when he found you.

A portal had opened in the alleyway you had collapsed in and out came a man followed by a boy. The man wore a some sort of ventilator mask that covered the entire of his face and neck, next to him was a boy who had a disembodied hand covering his face. The man never told you his name just holding his hand telling you that you would be able to get revenge on the heroes. You grew to see him as your new father and the boy who told you his name was Tomura as a brother. He was a few years older than you but the time you spent together was when you were meeting father or him watching you train your quirk. Another person in your life when you joined what was now the League of Villains was Kurogiri, father was rarely around so he watched after you and Tomura, he taught you everything you would need to know.

When you joined UA you main goal was to bring down the hero society following after Tomura’s lead, him always reminding you that you would get your revenge. You played your part well not holding back when in fights against villains during the USJ, Kamino Ward, everything fell into place. With talk about the UA traitor within the teachers no one suspected the girl who seemed to have little hold on her quirk, but how wrong they were. All this led to now your former friends looking at you in fear and horror, when it was revealed you were the traitor.

You were completely surrounded by her former teachers standing around you ready to take you down and you kept your gaze on your class.

“Y/n don’t make this harder than it is, please just surrender.” Mr. Aizawa held his scarf in both hands ready to attack if you made any sudden moves.

“And if I don’t? Can you really stop me?” You glance at your teacher and he faltered slightly in his stance.

“You’re completely surrounded by pro heroes, so we can take you down.” Present Mic said making you smirk they have only seen what you showed at progression with your quirk. UA only knows the most you could do is change the integrity of a few objects, nothing on a large scale. They barely gave you time to react with Mr. Aizawa sends his capture weapon towards you to wrap it around you, activating his quirk making his hair rise up and float. The weapon goes straight to you half of it landing on the ground behind you.

You look at him with a bored expression, finding humor in him and the others' shocked expression. “Did you think it would be that easy?” You knelt grabbing the end of his capture weapon and he tries to use it but it doesn’t affect you. “What would a simple cloth feel like if it weighed more than that.” A red haze covers the cloth leading up to his neck and slams into the ground, the weight of the scarf alone slowly starts to suffocate him. Present Mic and Midnight rush to him trying to pry the scarf off him.

“Mr. Aizawa!” Class 1-A yells seeing their teacher struggle. Dropping the scarf from your end you look around at your teachers who know they can’t stop you and your classmates.

“Don’t think this is over,” You hear an explosion and someone running towards you, “You bastard get back here!” Bakugo yells, holding his hand out sending a huge explosion. The smoke clears and there is Bakugo panting out of breath looking around for you, but you’re nowhere to be found. The red haze surrounding Aizawa’s scarf disappears, sending him shooting upwards, throwing it off him as he coughs and wheezes. The 1-A and the Pros look to where you once stood, if that was just some of your power, they had no clue what was in store for them if you came back.

In an abandoned warehouse the league hears footsteps heading towards the room they were in. Each of them ready to fight and kill the intruder, the footsteps getting louder until it was right in front of the room.

“That’s funny thinking your quirks could stop me.” A familiar voice calls out through the door as they open it. You stand in front of them and they relax welcoming you in. Standing away from them was Tomura Shigaraki, he was scratching his neck frantically but stopped when he heard your voice. You walked closer to the man you saw as a mentor, as a brother. You stood next to him as he looked out the warehouse window showing the vast city that was part of Japan.

“Tomura...it’s time.”

With your reveal as the UA traitor the school was put on lockdown immediately once you left in fear you would return but not alone. Your face was plaster across the news worldwide ranking you as national alert. News articles found everything about you with your parent’s death, your disappearance from the orphanage to your life at UA. They speculated that you could be in correlation to the league which made you more of a threat, if you had connections to All for One or Tomura Shigaraki.

“Funny how one moment you were just a UA student, now you’re public enemy number one.” Spinner smirks, tossing you the latest newspaper that talked about you. You smirked as you made the newspaper disappear before it could hit you and reappear behind Spinner hitting him in the back of the head.

“They say the same crap as always, not my fault heroes don’t know how to do their jobs.” You go back to laying on the couch closing your eyes, blocking out the noise of the villains around you. You hear the door open and footsteps bounding towards you jumping on the couch crushing you under their weight. 

“Y/nnnnnn I missed you so much when you were gone. It’s boring being the only girl here with Mange gone and you always at UA.” Toga wraps her arms around you squeezing the living life out of you.

“Toga if you don’t let me go, I swear I will turn you into a bug.” You open one eye glaring at her and she sighs getting off you mumbling under her breath.

“How much longer do we have to keep waiting we’ve been in this stupid warehouse for the past week.” Dabi said, kicking a can away from where he was standing.

“Yeah I wanna fight, no let’s relax.” Twice responses, god they were annoying as hell.

You huff sitting up look at them, “When Tomura says he’s ready we’ll go until then shut up and let me rest.”

“And why should we listen to what you have to say, you’re younger than any of us.” Dabi gets up in your face and you clench your jaw waiting for him to do something.

“You should watch what you say next, we know who could win in this fight.” You stand both of you up in each other's face.

“Yeah what are you gonna do about it, huh” He smirks and he goes to speak again but his breath hitches as he grabs his throat.

“What’s the problem Dabi? Have something to say?” He falls to his knees as he tries to breath but is unable to. “You feel that right your lungs are failing on you, do you know how easy it is to kill you right now.” You squat in front of him grabbing his face, your hand covered in a red haze when you use your quirk. 

“You made your point Y/n stop it.” Toga grabs your shoulder.

“No, he seems like he has something to say right, Dabi.” Tears fill his eyes as he is practically blue in the face.

“That’s enough Y/n.” Tomura calls out and you stop using your quirk as him and Mr. Compress enter the room. Dabi sucks in air coughing profusely Twice, Toga, and Spinner goes to his aid as he regulates his breath lightheaded from the rush of new oxygen. “You all act like children.” Tomura says walking past you all going to the window looking out to the city.

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes sitting back on the couch. “The Nomus are ready, my army is ready.” He turns to look at you all. “You all know what you have to do, so get to it.” He says and they all leave, Dabi walking past you glaring at you with you glaring back. Leaving only the two of you left in the room, you stand next to him as you both look at the calm city that will be thrown into chaos. 

“Father would be proud of you Tomura.” You place your hand on his shoulder and he nods.

“You know what to do, you are the biggest piece in the puzzle. You know UA in and out, give them hell.” You nod looking at the man you see as family, the calm before the storm.

“I’ll see you on the other side Tomura.”

The van you were in stopped a few blocks away and you climbed out of it looking back at the villains sitting in it. “Don’t fuck it up Y/n.” Dabi says and you smirk. “You just do your job.” The clothes you were wearing transform into your old school uniform. The league drives away leaving you to walk the rest to UA, they would have no clue what hit them.

With your disappearance UA had been hesitant but continued school as normal, with the dorms they had up campus security and included a strict curfew for the safety of the students. Many students were surprised when they heard  that you were the traitor while others found it ironic that someone from 1-A the hero course was actually a villain. 1-A atmosphere had definitely change since the reveal, some were easier at coming to peace that who they thought was their friend was actually a traitor while others still couldn’t believe it. The class seemed dull with you gone. You had put on a convincing performance, actually forming friendships with your classmates some seeing you as family which broke them even more. Midoriya lost some sort of sparkle since you had left, he saw you as one of his closest friends and felt like this seemed like his fault why didn’t he see the signs. Your curiosity for everyone’s quirk specifically his, you seemed to have a love for heroes and he had shown you his notebook with list upon list of everyone with their quirks and their strength and weakness. He let her get exactly what she needed that would affect heroes and the students because he saw her as a friend.

Mr. Aizawa went on about the lesson but Izuku drowned out most of his talking his gaze to the window showing the walkway to the front of the school. Every few minutes he could see cars driving past the entrance, but what caught his eye was someone walking down the path that led to the building. From this distance he couldn’t make out a face but they were a student from the uniform, but why were they there? It was already the middle of the school day and they should be in class. As if his questions were answered an alarm went off shocking the students

“Intruder alert! Please evacuate the building. Intruder alert!” The intercoms repeat as the alarm continues.

Everyone is grabbing their bags, “It’s probably just the press like last time.” Kirishima says as they get ready to leave, but Midoriya is still locked onto the figure walking to the building, they had no school bag and didn’t seem like they were in a hurry as they got closer. Whoever was walking looked up towards the building and Midoriya felt ice enter his veins seeing their face.

“Hey Deku come on we have to go.” Uraraka grabs his arm to pull him away from the window but he is frozen in shock and fear. His classmates look at him confused at his unnaturally pale face.

“Deku you idiot we have to leave.” Bakugo yells at him standing at the door where Mr. Aizawa was waiting impatiently as they needed to evacuate as a group.

“She’s here.” Midoriya said, and the class had a pretty good idea who “she” was. 

“None of you leave this classroom, you got it.” Mr. Aizawa pushed them back in, closing the door, locking it and rushing to go to the other teachers leaving 1-A locked in the class unable to do anything but watch out the window.

“This is crazy, why is she back?” Kaminari said as they all tried to look out the window to see you.

“Whatever reason the Pros will stop her.” Ida said having faith in the heroes. 

“You saw what she did last time she was here she almost killed Mr. Aizawa!” Mineta cried out.

“If it’s a fight that’s coming I’m not gonna sit around and wait for her to get here. Where’s the button to open our lockers” Bakugo yelled, going to Mr. Aizawa's desk looking for the button so they could get their hero costumes.

“That isn’t smart Kacchan we thought she wasn’t that advanced with her quirk but if she is that strong and involved with the league of villains we are ants compared to her.” Midoriya tried to reason with him.

“I think Bakugo is right,” Momo said which shocked most of the class, “We need to be logical with this, she’s back here for a reason, she wouldn't be coming back if she didn’t have a plan or someone specific she’s after. She is not our friend anymore right now she’s the enemy and if we want any chance of surviving this we can’t be on a lower level than her.” With Momo’s speech their thoughts were decided, they would have to prepare to fight if they wanted to come out of this alive.

You knew the Pros would be here any minute after you heard the alarm go off. You stood in front of the fountain waiting for them to arrive, you knew that this fight some people wouldn’t make it out but the heroes need to get the punishment they deserve. The loud screech from Present Mic when using his quirk could bring anyone down caused you to press your hands against your ears. You could endure this if it meant saving up energy for your quirk. You felt the capture weapon surround your body and the screaming stop and you collapsed to the ground.

“Ms. Y/n we weren’t expecting you to show up but it seems that we were still able to take you down.” You knew you couldn’t use your quirk unlike last time when that had been an illusion you just needed to wait.

“Funny Nezu you always think you're one step ahead.” You smirk looking up at the principal, “I know I’m always one step ahead.” You could smell the fire and there it was the blue flames growing from the forest.

“It’s the League of Villains!” Midnight gasped coming out of the forest were hordes of Nomus each with different quirks.

“You're sure you’re one step ahead?” You smirk and they knew you were just a decoy. The teachers outside had no choice but to deal with the Nomus heading towards the school and to where you were.

Leaving just Aizawa and Nezu to deal with you, “You are much smarter than I expected.” You shrugged and Aizawa tightened his weapon making you laugh

“I was told to give them hell.” With that you swept your foot out from under Nezu and Aizawa causing them both to jump back, with the split second it that Aizawa eyes closed you vanished from his binds. “Truly wonderful time seeing you again, but the fight has barely begun.” Aizawa doesn’t have time to fight you as he is attacked by a Nomu.

Nezu studies you and you stare back at him, “I don’t understand why you’ve done this but we will stop you.”

You grin “You heroes say that but we both know how this ends.” You disappeared from the battle leaving the teachers fighting the Nomus and the students inside defenseless against you.

“Where did she go?!” Sero said seeing you disappear from their view. With the doors locked they couldn’t leave so they stood in the classroom in their hero costumes waiting for the fight to come to them.

“We know that she’s with the league for all we know they could be in the building already and with the teachers outside we would open for an attack.” Midoriya said seeing you easily get captured only for you to be a decoy for the league to appear, it was genius.

“Midoriya, always thinking about the correct things, that was something I liked about you.” You said making the class turn from the window to where you were sitting on top of your desk in the back. “Great to see you all again.” You smiled and your classmates grimaced at you.

“You're a bitch you know that.” Bakugo hissed, making you frown.

“That hurts my feeling, Kacchan.” You hopped off your desk walking towards them, none of them moving  when you stood in front of your classmates.

“You guys are smart putting on your costumes, cause out there seems like the final battle, but this is the beginning of the war.” You said and conveniently when you finished rumbling when through the building and loud explosions went off. 

Out the window the view showed buildings away from UA erupting into flames explosions happening every few blocks. 1-A watched in horror that this is what she meant by war not just UA and the league, the entirety of villains and heroes battling it out; utter chaos. “With that we sadly won’t be needing you all. I say this as your former classmate and friend, stay the hell out of my way I don’t wanna hurt you.” The class doesn’t have time to fight back or anything when it feels like the ground is taking out from under them and they are warped away.

The teachers outside are struggling with Nomus keep showing up, suddenly they all freeze and walk away from the heroes heading to the building stopping in front of it as if they were guarding it. Aizawa wipes away the blood from his face “What the hell is this.” He sighs.

“Mr. Aizawa!” He hears his students yell out to him and sees them running towards him.

“What are you all doing here I told you to stay inside.” He scolds them

Ida steps up from the group, “It was Y/n she appeared in the class and then warped us all away, there were other students as well. I believe everyone in the building is now outside.” Aizawa looked back to the building that was guarded by Nomus.

“We don’t know why they would take the building but remove the students but we need to take headcount to see if everyone is actually outside. With what is happening in the city and here heroes are spread thin. This is exactly what they had planned but why go after UA and how is Y/n involved in all this.” The teachers didn’t deal with any problems with the league or Nomu they all just seemed to stop after the students were outside. Part of the forest that was destroyed by the flames was used as a base for heroes and students, everyone was outside not a single student was missing. Which put out the question of what they were after.

“Not a single student is missing, heroes from outside of Musutafu are coming in, but even then we don’t know how many villains or Nomus they might have.” Midnight told Nezu. Some of the teachers were together discussing their next plan while others were watching the students.

“We can assume that the League is in the building, we need to figure out a plan to fight them but also keep the students safe.” Aizawa said, looking over to where his class was.

“The only two people that have a decent amount of info on the league would be Aizawa and All Might.” Nezu said, “You had Y/n as a student though she never showed us the full potential of her quirk, you know her as a student. Whether her personality she showed to everyone was a lie, lies are built on truth. We need to remember she is still a child she could be manipulated to believe what she’s doing is right.” The teachers nodded, you were just a child that could be forced in the middle of this war, “Does anyone know where All Might we need some more information on the League.” The teachers looked at each other, no one had seen All Might at all. With him becoming quirkless because of Kamino he wasn’t outside when the heroes fought the Nomus. Then it hit the heroes, that’s what they were after.

“You think they figured out you are gone yet? All Might.” You asked, turning away from the window to where All Might sat tied up. “Think the new Symbol of Peace is going to be able to stop this.” You walked over to where he was and sat down in front of him.

“Y/n I don’t know why you’ve done this, but being with the League of Villains will not help you get what you want.” He tries to reason with you.

“What I want you can’t give, the next best thing is getting revenge on those who failed to save them.” You looked at the frail man sitting in front of you. “Do you know what it’s like losing everyone in your life? My parents died because you heroes failed to protect them. You call yourself a hero but you still fail to help those in need. I wanted to become a hero but my quirk was too dangerous for the public. I had no one when they died, no one wanted the girl whose quirk was literally chaos. They found me, took me in and raised me, they were the only ones who actually cared for me.” You said, tears forming in your eyes recalling your horrible childhood.

“They took you in because they saw your quirk. All for One only saw you as a pawn in his game, Shigaraki “raised” you so you would fight alongside him instead of against him.” All Might explained and you stood up, the chair behind you slamming against the floor.

“You’re wrong..they care for me.” You point your finger at him proving to him but he could see that you were doubting yourself.

“They’re using you Y/n what you are doing is leading you down a path that you can’t turn back from.” You turned away from him looking out the window seeing the Pros standing on the pathway, waiting for the fight to begin. 

You could see heroes all around Japan here ready to fight, you could also see UA students ready to fight including 1-A. “Those idiots.” You mumbled. “This is the end for heroes All Might, I will get my revenge.” You exit the room walking down the hallway to the main conference room where the League was waiting as well as villains from all over Japan.

Tomura looks at you and you nod telling him you're ready, “Our time for hiding in the shadows is over, the reign of heroes will end today.” The villains cheer rushing out going to fight the heroes. You don’t move as villains pass by you including members of the League leaving as well. You feel a hand on your shoulder making you look up, “Are you alright?” Tomura asks and you nod, the sick feeling still in your stomach from what All Might said to you.

“Tomura...I’m not a pawn in all this.” You knew that you were needed in getting your revenge that’s what father told you, but were you expendable if need be. 

“You are the one that is going to change the future, a bringer of chaos, Master will be proud of us both.” Tomura said and you felt the tension in you loosen a bit, “You be safe okay Tomura.” He doesn’t say anything just nodded and left you alone. What you were doing was right, the path you were following was dark but was the right one.

The showdown between villains and heroes as they stood on opposite sides neither moving yet. “We have visuals on Shigaraki and other members of the League, no visual of Y/l/n.” Aizawa heard through the comm links everyone was given, there were four squads made, squad 1 deals with underground villains, squad 2 deals with the Nomus surrounding the building, squad 3 will deal with the League and Y/n if she shows up on the field, and squad 4 will being helping in the rescue of All Might. Most of the top Pros were involved in squad 2 and 3 while lesser heroes dealt with the lesser villains and the All Might rescue.

“How long are they going to keep standing here, either fight or surrender.” Endeavor said looking at the villains standing there waiting.

“Everyone behind us!” The heroes turned and there was Y/n with villains behind her as well as a few Nomus.

“It’s an ambush!” Aizawa yells and the villains on both sides rush to attack the heroes in the middle. The thundering footsteps rush past you as they attack heroes in front of you, with your entrance on the field you disappear appearing back in the room where All Might was in.

From the window you could see Villains and heroes fought for their lives, many getting injured, some fatally wounded. “You see this All Might, heroes and villains together fighting for their lives, where’s the peace now. There is only chaos.” You glanced behind you looking at the former Pro before turning back to watch the fight.

“I’m sorry.” You hear All Might say, “I’m sorry we couldn’t save your parents, you don’t deserve to have all this hate and sadness in your life.”

You froze staring down watching your comrades and allies being hurt and your former friends and mentors dying due to your goals. “I wanted to help people. I wanted to be the kind of hero that saves everyone so no one is alone in their life. You can’t save me All Might you said so yourself I’m too far down this path to be saved.” You turn to him and he sees glimpses of the person you were in school, a curious girl with a strong quirk ready to help anyone in her class. You were just a child but you have had more problems than anyone has dealt with in a lifetime. 

“We can help you, just help us stop this, we can get you the life you always wanted.” All Might pulled against the restraints pleading to you.

“We both know how this fight ends, I’m never going to get that happy ending.” You turned around to look back at the fight when you saw the door entering the room was slightly open. “Smart All Might, distract me with some sappy excuse so the heroes could get in and save you. Who’s here, someone who could be invisible, Hagakure or Asui I know you were working on camouflage with your quirk.” You call out a red haze surrounding your hands ready to fight the intruder. You have no time to react when the window you were standing in front of shatters due to an explosion, another being sent to you sending you flying across the room. You hit the wall, denting it slightly, looking up to see Bakugo, Midoriya, Todoroki, as well some heroes and other students from other classes. “You’re all so good, coming to save him it’s pathetic.” You spit out blood that pooled in your mouth.

“Fight then, though a school uniform wouldn’t be the best suited for this.” Bakugo smirks looking at the uniform you were still in. You smirk getting up groaning slightly from how hard you hit the wall.

“Let’s change into something more suitable.” You slowly walk to them your outfit changing as a red haze starts from your feet changing your clothes. You now wore a red chestplate with angular faulds extending into an ankle-length skirt, elbow-length red fingerless gloves, black trousers and thigh-high boots, and an intricate red crown.

“You had to ask.” Todoroki looks over to Bakugo. Bakugo rushes towards you sending an explosion at your face but it fazes right through you.

“Gonna have to try harder then that.” You laugh now on the other side of the room holding All Might in your grasp blasting the people by him away. A blast of ice is sent to you but you dodge out of the way, with the ice distracting you. Midoriya punches you in the gut sending you flying out of the building down to where the fight was. Bakugo jumps out of the building grabbing onto you using his other hand to send an explosion sending you both shooting straight into the ground making a small crater.

Bakugo hears a groan and smirks, “Not that quick are you..” The dust clears out and Bakugo is shocked to see Midoriya underneath him instead of you. “How the hell did she.” He gets up pulling up Midoriya who holds his ribs in pain. “Where the hell did she go.” He looks around at the fighting around him not given much time to think as villains attack him.

You smirk running through the fight trying to find Tomura even if they were able to rescue All Might the heroes had just as many casualties then you did. You see Tomura disintegrate someone's arm pushing them away, but you could see he was getting overwhelmed with many Pros after him. You rush towards him but a wall of orange flames blocks you from reaching him. You turn to see who sent the flames and there was the number one hero Endeavor.

“You killed innocent people.” He says making his way towards you.

“I’m reshaping the future” You get ready to fight and Endeavor sends a blast of fire towards you and you could feel the heat from the blast. Before it could hit you blue flames appear blocking the attack.

“Go we both have our jobs.” You see Dabi standing in front of you, the flames growing in both men’s hands, both him and Endeavor ready to fight. You nodded running off to Tomura, Dabi can handle himself, like he said we each had our own jobs. You see Snipe aiming his gun towards Tomura and you stand in front of him. The bullets float in midair and you send them flying back in different directions. Some hitting heroes, others hitting villains you couldn’t care as long as Tomura was safe.

“They got All Might, what now.” You stand back to back with him using your quirk to break heroes bones, sending people flying across the field.

“Get the league here we leave now.” He answers, pressing his hand on a hero's face instantly disintegrating them. You spread your hands out closing your eyes, getting a picture of each member on the field and warping them to your location. 

“That was a weird feeling.” Toga giggles, throwing a knife into someone’s leg. 

“Time to go now.” Tomura says.

You hold your hands out and a portal opens up in front of you. Villains that are close to the portal rush to it as they don’t want to be left behind, and the heroes see this and rush to stop you all.

“You guys go, I can handle them.” You sent a wave of energy towards the heroes nearby, sending them back. “See I got thi-”

You heard it before you felt it. In all the noise and chaos happening around you it’s funny how this small noise from far away you heard. Maybe your quirk knew what was going to happen and in some sick way warned you knowing you wouldn’t be fast enough to stop it. Two sharp pains went through your body and you jolted a bit when they hit you. Why did it suddenly feel like everything was in slow motion, why was it hard to breath, god why is everything so quiet.

You look over at the League and you see Toga screaming but being held back by Mr. Compress, Spinner was standing there shocked looking at you, and Twice and Dabi were holding Tomura back as he struggled in their grasp screaming your name. All this was happening but it was quiet. You look down at your costume and you see two bullet holes blood staining it, one in your chest where your heart is the other in your stomach. Time sped up and the noise returned as you fell to your knees coughing out blood.

“Y/N! NO LET ME GO!” You hear Tomura scream, you hold out your hand.

“Go!” You wheeze, grabbing your chest as you cough up more blood. You look at each of them taking in an image of them as Mr. Compress pulls Toga through the portal, Spinner following after him, you see Tomura still struggling trying to get to you. You make eye contact with Dabi and just nod and he gives you a solemn one back using all his and Twice’s strength to pull Tomura through. You look at Tomura and smile, you would see each other some day.

“Tomura you look after me just like a big brother does! That’s what Kurogiri told me when I asked him.” A younger version of you smiles up to Tomura and he looks at you kneeling down to your height.

“I’ll always be with you and protect you.” He placed his hand on your head making sure to keep one finger up. You smile and giggle hugging him tightly burying your face in your chest.

“Thanks Tomura.”

With the last amount of strength left in you, you wave your hand closing the portal once Tomura has completely disappeared. You feel your weight shift unable to keep yourself up on your knees and fall to the ground. You saw green lightning and they caught you before you hit the ground. You see Midoriya’s face above you yelling out to someone but you're focused on the sky and how you could see the colors change as it almost reaches sunset.

“Hey come on stay awake help is on the way just stay awake.” You see his tear filled eyes stare down at you.

“Why..I’m a bad guy.” You wheeze and he laughs, tears filling his eyes.

“No one is ever truly bad.” You smile looking back towards the sky, “Hey come on don’t give up on me.”

You hear footsteps run up and it’s Aizawa and All Might. “Come on Midoriya.” Aizawa goes to pull him away but you grab Izuku’s arm.

“Please don’t leave me.” You whimper, tears filling your eyes. Izuku nods with tears in his eyes falling. “You heroes...always see the good.. in others...it’s nice.” You smile looking up at the sky and a tear slides down your face, and you wince feeling the sharpness in your chest. “I don’t wanna die.” You cry and that breaks the heroes standing in front of you.

“Your not going to help is going to be here any minute.” Aizawa reassures you and nods.

“The sky it’s pretty…tell them I’m sorry.” You cough your breathing getting more shallow and faint and you could swear you saw two figures standing above you. “momma... papa.”

She felt fear at first but it was inner peace as you saw a bright light.

Midoriya looks down ready to comfort you to tell you that help is coming, but stops when he sees you. Your gaze is on the sky, your eyes blank, a small smile on your face finally at peace.

Izuku lets out an anguish cry when he sees your chest not rising anymore. He cries for many reasons, the pain you went through to make you a villain, the hate you must have felt fighting your former friends, and him and all the heroes failing you.

The battlefield was silent as they looked at the young boy holding her body, many heroes felt guilt ebb at them for letting a misguided child die due to this life. Students from UA are lost at words from the loss of a former friend and student, they never expected this to come this far. Students from 1-A cry, seeing their classmate hold the body of their former classmate. Teachers and heroes that knew her look away not wanting to see her body in fear they would fall apart or cry in front of others.

This day would be remembered for years to come as the day the heroes failed at saving one girl that needed the most saving.

[alwayzraven]

Kardeşlerim Ep 51

The police came to arrest the girls. Aybike had enough and attacked Emir for calling the police. Ahhhh I wish they would’ve let her beat his ass 😂 Emir was screaming and it took Oglucan, the principle, the police officer and Berk to get her off of him. 

The boys went to the police station. They asked the girls to tell them everything. Doruk stayed at the police station. He called Akif so he can send a lawyer to help the girls. Berk, Omer and Oglucan went to meet with Emir and convince him to withdraw his statement. He was at the gym so they waited for him in the parking lot. Of course, Emir refused to withdraw his statement. Berk punched him because he insulted Aybike and Omer wanted to beat him up so bad. If Oglucan wasn’t there, these two would’ve definitely killed him.

The boys thought about finding Emir's weakness to pressure him to withdraw his statement. Omer suggested to break into his house and Berk said: “How will we get into his house? Till this day, I only broke into your house, I mean Oglucan’s house and that was through the window ” and Oglucan chuckled.

No one thought to ask him what he was doing there 😂???? do they know about him getting into Aybike’s room???

The next day, Doruk invited Ozge for coffee. Ozge said that she was surprised. Doruk told her that when he went to the police station and heard everything, he was shocked. Of course, he was lying, he was trying to convince Ozge that he broke up with Asiye. Ozge believed him. Doruk spilled coffee on her and when she went to the bathroom, Oglucan took her keys for the house. Then, Berk, Omer and Oglucan broke into Emir's house in order to find something that will help them blackmail Emir. Oglucan found his dog, "Boni". 

There were several pictures of Emir and Boni together and it looked like the dog was important to him so they decided to take her. This scene was so funny and I hope we get more scenes of this trio together in the future. Just when they were about to leave the house, Emir's dad came. He was surprised and he was about to call the police but they told him everything and surprisingly he believed them. He went to the police station with Emir and made him withdraw his statement and the girls were released.

Concerning Sengul , she called Nebehat and told her that she’s getting a divorce. Nebehat told her to come to the company and she will find her a job. Does this mean we will get Ayla-Sengul scenes ??? I miss their scenes together

Ayla wanted to expel the girls from school because they "tarnished" the school's image. She said that the police came to school because of them. She definitely doesn't know that Berk was arrested before. Berk said that he talked to her but he couldn’t change her mind. Emir came to make fun of the girls when they were sitting in the cafeteria but the girls exposed how he treated Harika like shit and explained how the incident happened. All the student showed their support to them and the boys collected petitions so the girls won't be expelled from school. Berk gave the petitions to his mom. He also gave her his petition. Ayla was so pissed. She will definitely disown him after this. She will make him or Aybike pay for this.

Susen told the girls that they should do something for the boys to pay them back for their help. Aybike and Asiye went to Susen house and all three of them prepared breakfast and the boys’ favorite foods. Aybike made spanish-style scrambled eggs for Berk. Apparently, the night before, she asked him about how he likes his eggs and he was confused 😂

Akif lost his iron shipment and since he used all of the company’s money to buy this shipment, he can’t pay back the loan he took out. So to save the company’s assets and properties, he convinced Ayla to establish their own company for their skin care project and he transferred Atkaul group’s properties and assets to their company. That way the bank can’t seize them. Akif also made Suzan the chairman of Atakul group’s board and gave her the authority to sign. Meaning if anything happens she will be held responsible, her and only her. Later, at Nebayla’s launch party, the police came to arrest Suzan because the company did not pay back the loan. With her mom in prison, Harika couldn’t go back to their house since Akif was there and she didn’t want to see him so she went to Omer and asked if she could stay with them.

What a wonderful episode 👏👏 I LOVED IT ❤️❤️ I wish the writing was like this for every episode. No teaser was released after the episode. I am guessing they didn’t film a lot of scenes but they will probably release it tomorrow or after tomorrow. Also it seems that the 2nd season will end on June 11th instead of June 18th so there are only five episodes left. 

[hohoz]

The ones that suffer the most

I wanted to talk about this for a long time.

I’m a Resident evil addicted, I finished almost every RE game released and I must say that Capcom made some poor choices regarding Jill and Chris, they are EASILY the most mistreated characters in RE Franchise. 

But let’s explain why is that: 

Jill and Chris are survivors, they had to survive in a mansion with a lot of puzzles and zombies, while looking for items that could help them to progress and find a way to reach Brad. 

When they arrive at STARS Office, they are revolted that Umbrella did all that under their noses and innocents were dying because of that and they explained EVERYTHING in a report - but Irons made that go away. 

In the ORIGINAL RE3 we had this special file (Jill’s Diary) 

August 7th Two weeks have passed since that day. My wounds have been healed, but I just can't forget it. For most people, it's history now. But for me, whenever I close my eyes, it all comes back clearly. Zombies eating people's flesh and the screams of my teammates dying. No, the wounds in my heart are not healed yet...

August 13th Chris has been causing a lot of trouble recently. What's with him? He seldom talks to the other police members and is constantly irritated. The other day, he punched Elran of the Boy's Crime department just for accidentally splashing Chris's face with coffee. I immediately stopped Chris, but when he saw me he just gave me a wink and walked away. I wonder what happened to him...

August 15th Midnight. Chris, who has been on a leave of absence for a "vacation," called me so I visited his apartment. As soon as I walked into his room, he showed me a couple of pieces of paper. They were part of a virus research report entitled as simply as "G". Then Chris told me that, "The nightmare still continues." He went on to say that, "It's not over yet." Ever since that day, he has been fighting all by himself without rest, without even telling me.

August 24th Chris left the town today to go to Europe. Barry told me that he would send his family to Canada and then he would follow Chris. I decided to remain in Raccoon City for a while because I know that the research facility in this city will be very important to this entire case. In a month or so, I'll be joining with them somewhere in Europe. That's when my real battle begins...

For some weird reason this file isn’t available in RE3 Remake. 

But ok, here we see that Chris was doing some investigation - in the RE2RMK  you could see this letter that Chris left in a way that normal people wouldn't understand - the only thing that Claire says is that “doesnt look like him” but how normies would understand what Chris is like is he is not well represented in media ??????????????????

And Jill had all the detective work in her wall. 

So far so good - we understand the basics about them - they are Special police force, the elite, they had a traumatic experience and they survived to tell the story. 

Some problems until now:

Jill had a MAJOR personality change in RE3 RMK- I honestly like most of that, she is a badass in the originals and she is a badass in the rmk but I still dislike the fact that she swears all the time (specially because in RE1, RE Rev, RE5 she doesn't do that) 

We can tell a lot about her personality just looking at her room, but I still miss some stuff (I had expectations - so this is not a real problem. but still) like a Vinyl player (since she is probably into classical music), some letters from her father so new players can understand her origin and why is she so good in lockpicking and more about her dog (she had a pic in the original that could’ve been her boyfriend but it was replaced by a dog in RE2 rmk but in RE3 Rmk there in no dog) 

Okay - after you finish the game the only thing we see is this: 

In my opinion this is Chris since he is always associated with Green colors while Jill is associated with blue. 

So my speculation here is that she found him while in the original we had this: 

This is not a major chance but still is important (lore of course - duh) but the problem here is that while Jill is looking for him - Code Veronica is happening. 

So I can only assume two things, they did not show him because they DON’T HAVE A FACE FOR HIM or I am wrong and that is Jill, but if that is Jill so why there is no decent epilogue like the original ? 

Okay, now we are arriving in the real trouble area

I will do RE5 first and the Wii and Rev1 (even tho those two comes first in the lore) 

RESIDENT EVIL 5 

So before the game was release we had some propaganda, including this: 

So have in mind that Jill was dead, I thought that she died and RE5 would explain that shit. 

But in the beginning we see that Chris is looking for her and have in mind that Chris HAD A MAJOR CHANCE IN HIS APPEARANCE, and I’m not talking about his muscles. 

I will not address Chris in CV since he was good in that game but I the team that made CV also made the original, it had CONSISTENCE. 

Here we have Chris, he’s THE classical american soldier protagonist from Hollywood in the 80′s/90′s and he had some omage to TOPGUN

He also shares some traits with his sister

A major trait here is that HE HAS BLUE EYES, typical good looking soldier from US. 

and now let’s have a look at Chris in RE5...

Yeah... I still hate this face even tho I love his Character in this game, this ugly a** monkey looking mf and he had a lot of steroids

So we have some lore to him in RE5, Jill and Chris went to a mansion looking for Spencer (one of the fathers of Umbrella and the one that was behind project Wesker, he wanted to do this Virus so he could live forever, so RE has a good lore, it’s not just about zombies) but when they found him, he was dead and Wesker was by his side, in a fight Jill sacrificed herself to save Chris’s life. 

Chris started doing mission after mission because her body was never found, and he made a name for himself, he became a ‘legend’ inside BSAA and you can see that in the beginning of RE5.

The reason behind the muscles was probably to fight Wesker mano to mano but still is not well made, it really felt weird playing for the first time. 

So now we have a problem here, there is thing that you use in a narrative that is to make someone strong af powerless, and they did that to Jill. (a good example of this is in TWD- Ricky is a fucking legend and Negan made him powerless in the face of a event) 

Jill was used in a Boss fight and that is it... She is not in the game as a character, she is being manipulated and her whole design was changed, she looks like Nina from Tekken. WTF. - BTW, the fact that Wesker had mind control over her created 1000 fics of sex 

 So that is it, my main problem here isnt Jill itself, but it’s the fact that they used her character as a boss even tho she is the heroine, she never appears in RE lore again until some guy inside Capcom said “Well people are asking about Jill so let’s place a file in Rev2 saying that she is in rehab” 

The only time that she appears again is in a 3DS NINTENDO ONLY game, it felt that Capcom simply don’t care about her character. 

By the way Revelations 1 is a great game and was adaptable some years later for PC and consoles

But you think that this is bad, wait until we arrive at RESIDENT EVIL 6 

When I learned that Jill was not in RE6 I was mad... But after I played that game I said “thank you God” that game was bad, transformers kind of bad, it had bad writing, the lore was all over the place and Chris was the one that suffered the most in this game. 

He was responsible for the death of an entire squad, suffered amnesia and people still wanted him in the command 

THEY MADE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC 

The golden boy of BSAA reduced to THIS. 

By the way, the director said that HE WANTED TO KILL CHRIS IN THIS GAME to SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS - so if you liked Piers now that he died only because of that. 

So now let’s analyse what we know: 

The first 2 main characters are not well represented in media until RE6, they don’t know how to re introduce Jill in the games and Chris was reduced to a normal guy at a Russian bar;

But it gets worse... 

Capcom LOVE Leon, we know that. he is always the hero, he is the protagonist in almost every movie and he is always the cool guy so when he get’s a new model, he looks like this:

But When Chris get’s a new face he look like this: 

WHO DAFUQ ARE U, no offense to the model but he has NEGATIVE JAW LINE.

And still he doesn't look like Claire’s brother, there is no blue/green eyes and he looks younger that he was in 6 (and 6 still uses that ugly character model) 

But let’s go in the lore- we HAVE 0 info on Jill in RE6 / RE7 and no sight of her in RE8 

And speaking of which, they tried to make Chris the bad guy in the trailer so when we play we see “Ohhhh he was not the bad guy, that happened and that is why he did that” 

But still... 

If they are going to do that to his character don’t use this character, shit ! Do something with that Wesker’s son that made 0 sense in RE6 but leave Chris out of this - it really feels that they simply don’t know how to treat him right

And you may think that I may be complaining a lot because of his appearance

But this is him in RE8  

(to me this is some random dude from Russia) 

And this is him in RE:Verse (that is going to be release TOGETHER) 

So this tells me that they have 0 clue of how to handle his looks

Jill got RE3Rmk but it felt like a cheap game compared to RE2Rmk where the original RE3 was SO MUCH BETTER

And this is bad because there are so many new fans joining the fandom only to see 2 great characters suffering from poor director’s choices. 

I’m sorry about this rant, if you like Chris face and looks its okay, really, but dont tell me that Chris from 5/6/8 is the same from 1/CV and if you think im wrong about Jill its fine, but she is an amazing character that could have so much more impact in RE universe (I mean, she never even appeared in a RE movie - animations) 

But it’s sad to see so many characters that receive good representation in media and good games/lore while Jill get’s almost none and Chris is handled like random face guy. 

I was going to talk a little bit more about Rev 1 and RE Umbrella Chronicles but there is no need since Im mad right now and it seems that Capcom has 0 interest in making Code Veronica and Umbrella’s fall after that since their fav boy Leon need a rmk in RE4 even tho RE4 is not that old. 

Bonus:

Fun fact: Chris served in the Air force, so yeah, to me even Tom Cruise looks more like Chris than Chris from the games

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Coming Home - River and Luke

CW: inexperienced caretaker, vampirism, blood, implied past abuse, self-blame, police mention 

[Other thing]

River placed him on the couch as softly as possible, but could still see the shift in his breathing. They stood back, trying to give him some space and put their head back on straight.

They didn’t know what on earth they were supposed to do.

Every fiber of them screamed to called the police, but they just couldn’t. How were they supposed to explain what happened. They shook their head, trying to imagine that conversation.

“Yes officer, I was just buying my regular blood supply from a random man when I heard someone crying in the closet. So of course I broke the man’s wrist and kidnapped them. Oh yeah, and I’m a vampire.”

They sighed pushing back their dark coiled hair from their forehead. Yeah, that would go over great. The boy shivered, and they pulled themself back to the present. He needed help, but they didn’t know what to do.

In a moment blankness, they opened their laptop and frantically searched first aid steps. A few result popped up immediately, and they started to go through them.

1.       Recognize the emergency.   Does someone look like they’re in trouble?   If so, ask them, “Are you OK?”

River whined confusedly and looked back up to the figure on the couch. They opened their mouth, nothing but a little squeak coming out. He was barely conscious, bleeding, trembling and scared out of his mind. It looked like an emergency to them.

“Are you okay?” they asked, voice cracking with nerves. He didn’t respond. Their face flushed with embarrassment. Of course he couldn’t answer. They took a deep breath and looked at the next step.

2.       Call emergency services if necessary.

Their green eyes slid past that one. That needed to be the last resort.

3.       Assess the situation. How do they need help?

Slowly, River put down the laptop and ventured closer to the young man. He was pale, shallow breaths slowly puffing out of his chest. There were some cuts across his face, and even River could tell they weren’t clean. His hair was dirty and greasy, unkept around his head. His skin was dirty, too. River reached a hand out, then drew it back. He was still conscious, barely, and they didn’t want to scare him.

“I’m sorry. I, I have to touch you to see what I can do. I’m sorry – I’m sorry.”

They tried again, lifting up the ragged t-shirt he was wearing. He whimpered and tried to roll away, making River jump back.

“Sorry! Sorry!”

He didn’t respond again, and even with the small peak River could tell he needed more help. There were ginormous bruises on the crooks of both elbows, more on his chest it seemed like. Slowly as they could, the started to lift the shirt again, and this time it seemed like he was too weak to fight them.

They tried to keep their emotions locked away, but they couldn’t help but sniff. He was covered in bruises and cuts, every single rib visible to their eyes. He was still breathing very shallowly, eyes fluttered closed.

River dropped the shirt and wandered back to their computer.

4.       Administer basic first aid if necessary

They nodded. They could do that. They had a first aid kit – somewhere.

“I’ll be right back,” they said, walking backwards out of the room. They bolted to the bathroom, tearing under the sink apart. They were sure their mom had given them one when they first moved it. It was kinda old, but at least it would still have band aids and gauze and stuff like that.

Finally getting their fingers on the old blue plastic box, they stood. They looked up, still a little confused to not see their own reflection. They were still new to this; to all of this. The accident had only been about a month or two ago, and even though they knew, it was still kinda hard to accept.

A thought hit them and they almost dropped the box. They had been ordering from Arthur since the accident. They were too scared to try and hunt, they never wanted to hurt someone else. But they had. They had hurt someone else; and now he was lying on their couch. River did this to him. Not with their own fists, but they had paid someone else to do it which was just as bad.

Tears dripped down their eyes as they made their way back to the living room. They had always cried at the drop of a hat, but this one was bad. It was a horrible guilt that soured their stomach and clamped around their heart. They wanted to help, they wanted to make things better but they just didn’t know what to do.

After reading the back of the cleaning wipes, they ripped the packet open and started to clean the small cuts on his face. He reacted a bit, flinching, but not pulling away from them. They went slowly, trying to talk to him as they went. They ended up talking about their neighbor’s new dog. It was very fluffy and friendly, and River hoped it would be a nice distraction for him.

They finished up on his face and applied the bandages – little pastel ones with stars – and moved onto his neck. The sight of the IV wound stirred something in them. They assumed it was disgust. They cleaned the site best they could, blinking tears down their face as they saw the fang marks, too. When they pulled the cloth away, it was dirtied and red.

They stopped, staring at it. It was light in their hand, as light as any single use wipe could be, yet they couldn’t pull their eyes away from it. They were staring at it, entranced by it.

It wasn’t disgust they felt; it was hunger.

River screamed and dropped it, falling backwards to crawl away. No, no nonono! They didn’t, they never, no! They hid behind the armchair, trying to calm their breathing. They hadn’t been around fresh blood since they were turned, opting to buy it. They didn’t know it was going to be this strong.

The young man whimpered, drawing their attention back to him. Right, him. Shakely, the left their defensive spot and crept back over. They ignored the wipe of the floor (it was easier now that it had touched the ground).

Feeling a bit silly but also rather ingenious, they used a pair of disposable earplugs to plug their nose before continuing. It helped dull the scent so they could patch him up. He didn’t seem like he was doing any better, just covered in band aids. River whimpered and went back to their laptop.

How to help with blood loss

They scanned the results, clicking through some of the links. Water? Iron? Vitamin C? River paused. Vitamin C, orange juice. They had orange juice! They stood grabbing a plastic cup from the kitchen and filling a few inches with orange juice.

They helped the young man sit up, cupping the back of his head to help in drink. He was still conscious enough, able to drink the liquid easily.

“Hey, there you go,” River tried, brushing back his hair again. He shivered, and looked up at them for the first time. He had dark brown eyes, scared and tired. They tried to smile, but they knew their guilt was written all over their face.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.”

He closed his eyes and took another breath, seemingly falling asleep.

River put the cup in the sink and stood in the middle of the kitchen, unsure what to do now.

 ~

tag tag tag tag @unicornscotty @lave-whump @cupcakes-and-pain @dollophead-merlin @starnight-whump @thehopelessopus @whump-me-all-night-long @whumpzone @divia237 @whole-and-apart-and-between

[pretty-setter-bois]

elephant in the room

request; none! this idea popped into my head n i thought it was funny. also, this takes place during episode 4 ღ

summary; sexual tension between you and our resident ‘innocent boy’. but daisuke’s there too.

word count; 2611™

warnings; suggestive themes (no nsfw!), daisuke bby cuts his finger while cutting potatoes, maybe haru not being as innocent as we deem him to be ☛☚

prequel

     DAISUKE’S PHONE RINGS as he walks along the roads on the private property he owned, eyebrows knitting and lips pursing as he looked at the contact calling him, answering nonetheless. “what?”

“you got some time right now?” haru asks. 

wasn’t it his day off?

“yeah.” he leans forward in anticipation. “hurry up and get to the point.”

“sorry, to do this while you’re off duty, but could you help me with something? well, it’s not like absolutely need your help, but...” haru rambles.

“i don’t mind coming over, however...” daisuke looks at the road ahead of him, knowing the journey was long. “why didn’t you ask (L/N)-san? she lives much closer than i do, and-” a small, repetitive beep continued for a few seconds, cutting him off.

haru had hung up.

     DAISUKE HAD SPOTTED haru on the bench, beginning to fall asleep. “hey. what do you need?”

“hey. sorry about this.” he jolts awake.

“hurry up and get to the point.” he replies, arrogant. “is something wrong with that child?”

the kid runs towards them, pointing towards daisuke. “is this the man?”

“yeah.” haru confirms with a nod.

“mister! please, can you find shiro for me?” he begs.

“what’s going on?” he turns to haru.

“shiro has gone missing!’ the boy exclaims.

“well, basically, a puppy named shiro has gone missing.” haru explains. “can you use your AI butler to find him?”

that was how daisuke got roped into this mess, following a wild goose chase in the shape of a white dog, without HEUSC.

he fools the kid into running off to find his dog, the smug smile playing on his face disappearing as haru drags him after the kid.

they meet an old woman on her yard, finding out that the dog the boy thought was shiro, was actually a cat.

they leave the yard defeated, taking tsuyoshi (the boy) to the police station to find out where he lived, and take him home.

     THE DETECTIVE DUO were in the grocery store, daisuke pushing the cart as haru gathered the ingredients they needed for dinner. daisuke dangerously eyes the natto haru placed in the shopping cart, not wanting it near him at any cost.

you, on the other hand, completely oblivious to them, were happily shopping among the tiny store. you placed all your items in your basket, unknowingly standing behind them in line.

you had to admit, the crisp-ironed white dress shirt and dark, navy blue vest looked completely familiar. “kambe-san?”

“(L/N)-san,” he turns around casually, revealing haru behind him.

“what are you doing here?” your voice quiets down a little, shocked at the sight of the man behind him as you addressed daisuke.

“shopping. i wish you a pleasant experience while shopping in this... grocery store.” his nose crinkles while he tries to remember the name of the building he was in.

“yeah, you too...” your voice wavers, and you want nothing more but to return to your timid ways.

“you should have dinner with us. it would be nice to partake in an activity together outside of the office. this is what you would call a hangout, am i correct?”

“yeah.” you giggle at his formality and absence of knowledge for casual words, not yet noticing haru’s strong stare towards you.

     “WHEN I SAID ‘yeah’, i was agreeing to your question about hangouts.” you jog on the side walk, trying to keep up with the tall men in front of you (though you would soon find out that daisuke was a lot closer to your height than you’d originally thought).

“i apologize, would you like to go home?” he asks as formally as he does bluntly.

“she’s already here, so she might as well eat with us, right?” haru says, and it’s the first sentence he’s spoken that was addressed to you.

his voice is so much softer, so much higher compared to the octaves it dropped to last time-

you squeeze your eyes shut, taking a deep breath and opening them as you try your hardest to focus on whatever the pavement was made out of and nothing but.

he was thanking whatever higher power above him that he was walking in front, as every single on of the features on his face was a telltale sign that he was on the verge of breakdown. 

daisuke stops in front of the building, admiring it (or so you thought). you stop behind him, as the pathway to the stairwell was blocked, and you were more interested in what he had to say than being in haru’s line of sight.

“what are you doing?” haru turns towards him.

“this is where you live?” he asks.

“got a problem with that?” haru exclaims.

“no.” daisuke blinks, before the three of you set foot inside haru’s humble abode.

“it’s a bit cluttered, but don’t worry about it.” he motions.

“so you really do live here?” daisuke asks again, and you think about getting involved before haru kicks him out and it becomes just the two of you.

“stop pestering!” he becomes agitated, but leads you both to the kitchen. “i have to cook some rice first... alright, can you chop up the carrots and potatoes over there?”

haru hands his fellow detective a potato, as daisuke stares at it intently. you decide to intervene, feeling bad that you’d ended up in his house without him being able to make a decision. “i’ll help!”

haru nods, taking things out of his shopping bag as you focus on his eyes. they had returned to their usual, golden yellow, and his pupils were normal again. 

they had darkened to a gorgeous light brown hue a few nights prior, his pupils largely dilating to a radius you’d never seen on eyes before-

you move to one of his drawers, the one he kept knives (and corkscrews, which you’d learned earlier) in to help daisuke with cutting vegetables.

daisuke noticed that you’d known exactly where it was without guidance, but brushed it off and focused on the task at hand.

once you’d found one, you stand next to him and begin to cut potatoes effortlessly, humming a small tune you’d heard somewhere on the bus.

daisuke looks over, trying to copy your actions, failing with difficulty. how did you make it look so easy? 

“need help?” you ask with a smile, to which he nods, primarily focusing on the potatoes.

“like this...” you unknowingly stick your tongue out in concentration, sturdying his left hand around the vegetable and guiding his right hand with your own, all while standing beside him.

haru couldn’t keep his eyes off of the both of you, mentally cursing daisuke for using the opportunity to get closer to you. why was he jealous?

“ah!” he yells, being too distracted to notice the hot steam that tickled — and almost burned — his hand.

“are you alright?” you ask, peaking your head through the door.

you’d gotten comfortable with the situation, knowing that you’d be here for a while. might as well suck it up and act like an adult, right?

“yeah...” he breathes, ears twitching at your voice.

it was just as harmonious as it was when he’d heard it then, had you always sounded like an angel? you didn’t even have to speak words, incoherent noises being more than enough proof-

he tries to shake the thoughts out of his head, counting the grains of rice to distract him from being distracted. he was doomed.

you, completely unaware of his thoughts, decided that daisuke had had enough practice cutting and could do it on his own. not even a minute later, he speaks up.

“the first aid box.”

you look up, confused.

“i injured myself. bring me the first aid box.” he repeats.

“huh? like i’d have something like that. just lick it, it’ll heal.” haru shrugs.

you inspect daisuke’s finger, noticing that the cut was larger than an average cut you’d get from cutting vegetables.

you nimbly make your way to the shelf, opening it and reaching for the band-aids. damn it. even on your tippy-toes you weren’t tall enough to reach it.

you feel a presence behind you, one you recognize. you recognize it because it’s the only one capable of making your heart race, the speed of your mind competing against your heart with thoughts-

“(L/N)-san?” daisuke asked, eager for your return as he would not be able to cut the rest of the potato.

“yes?” you squeaked, glad he couldn’t see you trapped in between the sink and haru.

“where are you?” he continues with his question.

“i’m getting band-aids, give me a second.” you manage to speak.

so you knew where the band-aids were, too. he thinks. 

at the mention of band-aids, haru gets them from above you and places them in front of you. you let out a small ‘thank you’, and get back to daisuke.

realizing that you had to get back to the kitchen to return them, and you couldn’t bare another awkward interaction, you place them on the table and continue with your work.

     “THIS IS ALL you have?” daisuke asks, stepping out of the shower in haru’s clothes.

you couldn’t help but marvel at his appearance, how does his hair feel like? is it as fluffy as it seems? he looked absolutely adorable.

“you know, you’ve been complaining this whole time.” haru points out, and daisuke crosses his arms on his chest behind him.

you were also glad that daisuke took short showers, as being alone with haru made the elephant in the room grow bigger.

said man put your food on to plates, and the three of you carried your plates to a table, you being on either side of them.

“thank you for the food.” you nod, before beginning to eat.

you had to admit, this was much better than the packet-ramen you had originally planned to eat.

he looked at you while you were distracted, devouring something from hunger as he began to-

-eat his own food, shaking his head again. the three of you had finished your food, and you washed the plates and spoons as a token of gratitude for the meal.

you’d arrived at the table after finishing, only to be greeted by an awkward question from daisuke. “have you been here before?”

“what do you mean?” not quite comprehending it.

“haru’s apartment.” he tilts his head towards you. “have you been here before?”

your eyes widen, a shaking fist making it’s way towards your chest as you blushed red. “wh-why would you say that?”

“you know where everything is. the knives, the ban-aids, the sponge.” he bluntly deducts.

you looked at haru, who gulped and tried to avoid your stare. so this is how the night was going to go down?

“n-no, not at all!” you nervously chuckle. “all houses look the same in this area, so it was easy.”

“do all people put their belongings in the same places too?” daisuke asks. what he meant as a simple question became more evidence against your lie.

“um...” you shy away from the question.

“i got something you might like.” haru says, and like that, the conversation is dodged. for now.

dry-cured ham was thrown into the mix (and spit out by daisuke, to which you tried and failed to stifle a laugh).

haru gets up and goes to the kitchen, throwing in a bunch of ingredients to make something he referred to as a ‘kato family special’.

“a can of tuna, bean sprouts... pour some soy sauce with tons of wasabi in it... and lastly, some bonito flakes.” he explains as he cooks.

he serves it to daisuke, and you watch intently as the millionaire takes a bite. was he going to enjoy food that us commoners eat?

“are you going to have some, (L/N)-san?” he asks.

“ah, no thank you. i’ve had some befo-” you cut yourself off, realizing what you had just said.

“you’ve been here before.” he bluntly shrugs. “why hide it?”

you don’t respond, instead excusing yourself for water (and a change of dreaded atmosphere). after you return, you announce, “i think i should take my leave now... it’s getting late, and if i wait any later, i wont be able to leave.”

“your phone.” daisuke simply points out.

damn it. it had died earlier, and thankfully, you had a charger (so you wouldn’t have to ask haru for one). you’d come here walking, and since it was late, you didn’t want to leave without your phone at least at a decently charged number.

“i guess a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt...” you awkwardly chuckle.

     “INSPECTOR ASANO, YOU are ordered on indefinite leave effective today.” the tv announces, the movie you’d been roped into watching coming close to an end.

haru and daisuke sat behind you, the only difference between you three is that you were the only one sober. you didn’t want another repeat of last time.

haru began rambling about justice, about how some people lived a life with everything given to them. daisuke, on the other hand, was on the verge of falling asleep.

his subconscious self made his way to wherever he ended up, saying that he wanted to sleep. you yourself had gotten up, knowing that you had to get going yourself.

as you were getting up, you felt something tug at your wrist. a drunk haru. “don’t leave. it’s late.”

“well, i kind of have too...” you nervously giggle while rubbing the back of your neck.

“why?”

“well, i can’t sleep here. there’s no where i can sleep.” you shrug; a lie.

“then sleep on the bed.”

“i’m pretty sure daisuke’s sleeping on the couch, and i’d hate to kick you off of your own bed-”

“i’ll sleep on the bed too.”

your face gets red, your arm gets limp in his and your brain can’t comprehend anything. “wh-what?”

“i said i’ll sleep on the bed too, why should it matter.” his words are slowly spoken. “i mean, we’ve done it before, right?”

haru was always bolder when drunk (proven by last time), and it only left you blushing and limp.

“b-but... daisuke’s outside, how-what is-”

he cuts her off, pulling her towards him as she falls forwards. their lips, the only thing on their minds, being a mere inch away, connect themselves as if having minds of their own.

what was meant to be an innocent kiss soon turned into a heated one, and then a make-out session, and then you staying over. you’d dreaded the repeat of last time to happen, but now that it had, you couldn’t be any more grateful.

extra;

     YOU’D WOKEN UP early, lazily putting on whatever you’d discarded the night before. you dashed to the bathroom to at least try and wash up, before daisuke caught you and questioned you again.

you open the door quietly, almost letting out a shout of surprise. in the bathtub, daisuke was sleeping soundly yet in an uncomfortable position. you quickly scramble for your phone, thinking that he couldn’t get any more adorable than he was now.

you snap a quick photo, deciding that it was all the waking up that you needed, and made your way to haru’s room. you woke him up softly, watching as his eyelashes slowly blinked awake.

you give him a quick kiss on the cheek, before he mutters something incomprehensible and goes back to sleep. maybe one day, the elephant in the room would be addressed.

NOTES ☀♕❣⁂ღ

so um, this was a ride. i’m glad i finally have a haru imagine! our bby deserves some love! also, daisuke with his hair down, a whole BABY.

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max: Freelance Police: Christmas Bloody Christmas Reviewcap (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! I do know it’s christmas time at all and so does Kev, my most consitant patron and contributor. As such he’s comissioned a whole sack load of christmas reviews. And to start us off it’s time to call up the freelance police for a christmas case. 

I got on the Sam and Max train late. I’d always been curious about our bloodthirsty heroes, sure, but I never saw the cartoon as a kid, didn’t have a pc for the telltale games and haven’t got aroudn to buying the relreases of those games. It always seemed up my alley but I took way too long to get to it. Once I did via watching their short lived but much beloved and throughly awesome show though I was hooked. Still need to get those games. But the always changing adventures of a steady voiced and handed dog with a hidden violent streak nad his hyperactive rabbit best buddy with a violent streak so visable his walls are decorated in blood stains, he’s named them jeff, rodney and gibraltar if you were curious, are right up my comedy ally: weird, clever and fucking insane. 

So I was pleased as punch to cover this for Kev as I hadn’t seen the show’s christmas ep yet. Is it a lovely pair of socks or a sack of coal? find out under the cut!

We open with our heroes enjoying some cocoa on Christmas Eve at Sam’s Sweet Old Granny’s place. Naturally peace, a crackling fire and some jam jams annoy the tar out of Max.. sam thought he’d got all that out of his fur from max trying to drown that mammoth. 

Thankfully Sweet Old Granny has some holiday fun scheduled and gets our heroes to the chopper. Their going to the holly and jolliest place on earth.. a federal prison!

Sweet Old Granny used to work there as the tough as nails warden, but beneath her iron fist lurks a heart of gold as she just wants to give her former inmates some holiday cheer and enlisted our heroes to help because thanks to The Geek she has backup nephews cooling in her sewing room next to her crochete of that time she met jimmi hendrix and they fought a wendigo together. 

Shockingly for a prison, the inmates LOVE granny, which given she’s going into a den full of people she kept locked up, says a lot. I wish more wardens were like Granny: tough, fair, and actually interested in helping rehabilitate her prisoners instead of just keeping the money moving. 

But enough about the grim and unfair realities of the prison complex, it’s present time as our heroes hand out presents to all the good-ish boys. Turns out though there’s one bad apple in the bunch, Hertzog, who was planning a christmas eve escape joker style. If not with AS much style as he’s not riding a giant fucking christmas tree like it was the end of a christmas remake of Dr. Strangelove.  I GOTTA make a note to review Christmas With The Joker next year. 

Said distractoin is a blackout blackout by using Max as a bat. Our heroes give chase, helped by Sweet Old Granny knowing the place and find an inmate named.. jakes.... 

So alternate 90′s me gets interrogated with our heroes planning to be the somebody to call his momma, and find out Hertzog plans to take the warden hostage, having taken out the guards. 

So our heroes decide to hit the showers where we get the best and most “how the hell did they get away with this” joke of the episode” 

Sam: If these walls could talk Max: (Disgusted) I’d prefer if they stayed silent. 

They crack me up little buddy. Herzog ends up running into them in the shower and our heroes towel whip their way to victory though Herzog manages to escape to the warden’s office. If your wondering why i’m not mentioning as many jokes this time around.. that’s because like EVERY episode of freelance police this episode is so stuffed i’d have to stop every sentence to point them out. 

Our heroes use a giant willy wonka fan to catch up, and we get an utterly triumphant jingle jangly beat down as Sam’s Sweet Old Granny uses a hard as the thing fruitcake to bash hertzog’s lights out. I love getting to type things like that. OUr heroes beat him and win.. but hertzog escapes. 

So it’s wrap up time and our heroes bask in the warm glow of Sweet Old Granny’s awesomeness and the prisoners happiness at getting a christmas chainsaw, the one present i’ve always wanted but never gotten. Maybe this year. And Santa shows up (and in a nice bit asks them to sign for it) with a last minute gift: herzog, who he apparently gave some season’s beatings off screen. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Christmas Bloody Christmas managed to make itself a must watch every year from here on out in one viewing. It has the advantages of most sam and max eps: it’s fast and furiously paced, fires jokes out just as fast, and is utterly and wonderfully ludicrous. Add in a great guest character in Sam’s Sweet Old Granny who we finally get to meet after being mentioned often throughout the show and you have a bonified classic i’m sad wasn’t on my best christmas episode list. The entirety of the show is on youtube, go check it out no if you haven’t or even if you have as a present to yourself. 

If you want ot help spread the good cheer head over to my patreon and help kick over a few bucks to keep this blog a rollin and thanks for reading

[cardest]

London playlist

London - since 43 AD it has to be one of the more fascinating cities on Earth. Such a rich history. From Shakespeare Theatre to the music from there today. I just had to put a London playlist together. From Soho to Brixton, from Highgate to Clapham  what a collection of songs! It’s over 350 songs and it could easily expand to 400. **I have a separate England & Wales playlist coming, so, stay tuned for that**.

To play the songs, hit the link right here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_ntP663JhZl-hvn9EwFp9L

ENGLAND & WALES playlist is coming soon! What songs have I left out? Let me know! Add your own songs! Cheers. Pip pip, tally ho!

LONDON 001 Generation X -  Day By Day 002 The Clash - London Calling 003 Austin Powers  - theme song (Soul Bossa? Nova ) 004 The Kinks - Dedicated Follower Of Fashion 005 Killing Joke - Empire Song 006 Black Sabbath - Wicked World 007 The Who - Welcome 008 The Damned - Neat, neat, neat 009 GIRLSCHOOL - LONDON 010 007 theme song 011 Motorhead - Motorhead 012 Wire - Ex Lion Tamer 013 David Bowie - Maid of Bond Street 014 The Misfits - London Dungeon 015 Rolling Stones - 016 The Adverts - Bored Teenagers 017 Siouxsie & The Banshees -  Spellbound 018 Penny Dreadful - Soundtrack - Main Theme 019 Eurythmics - Love Is A Stranger 020 The Cure - Subway Song 021 Adam And The Ants -  Puss 'n' Boots 022 Iron Maiden - 22 Acacia Avenue 023 COIL - Fire of the mind 024 Public Image Ltd - One Drop. 025 LUSH - Breeze 026 Bliss Signal - Surge 027 The Pogues - Misty Morning, Albert Bridge 028 PhD - Won't Let You Down 029 Birthday Party - Hats On Wrong 030 Eddy Grant - Electric Avenue 031 Help Yourself - Reaffirmation 032 Grave Miasma - Gnosis of the summon 033 Roy Ayers - We Live In London Baby 034 Led Zeppelin - The Rover 035 Gang of Four - What we all want 036 Pet Shop Boys - West End Girl                 037 Sleaford Mods - 6 Horsemen (The Brixtons) 038 Paul Young - Love of the Common People 039 The Saint (original) - Theme 040 The Human League - Dont You Want Me 041 Sex Pistols - God Save The Queen 042 The Beatles - A Day In The Life 043 Def Leppard -  Love bites 044 The Stranglers - Another Camden Afternoon 045 The Kinks  - See My Friends 046 Elton John - Bennie and the Jets 047 Suede - Moving 048 Queen - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy 049 Cliff Richard & the Shadows - She's Gone 050 The Rolling Stones - Start Me Up 051 Loop - Fade Out 052 Jah Wobble's Invaders Of The Heart - A13 053 The Magnetic Fields - All the Umbrellas in London 054 Wendy Carlos - Title Music From A Clockwork Orange (From Purcell's Music For The Funeral Of Queen Mary) 055 The Police - Every Little Thing she does it Magic 056 Cockney Rejects - The Greatest Cockney Rip Off 057 Spandau Ballet - Spandau Ballet Chant No.1 058 The Pretenders - Middle of the Road 059 The Who - Dogs 060 The Jam - London Girl 061 Cradle of Filth - Hurt and Virtue 062 Joy Division - Isolation 063 Nick Drake - At the Chime of a City Clock 064 Sham 69 - Cockney Kids Are Innocent 065 Deep Purple - Mandrake Root 066 Throbbing Gristle - Hit by a rock 067 David Bowie - Rubber Band 068 Roxy Music  - Do The Strand 069 Slaves - Cheer Up London 070 T. Rex - London Boys 071 Kirsty MacColl - Autumngirlsoup 072 New Model Army - Archway Towers 073 Scorpions - Lovedrive 074 Isaac Hayes - Doesnt Rain In London 075 Peter Tosh - Buk-In-Hamm Palace 076 The Slits - Typical Girls 077 Pharaoh Sanders - Midnight In Berkeley Square (Instrumental) 078 Blue Cheer - Girl From London 079 Sex Pistols - Satellite 080 Judas Priest - (The Hellion ) Electric Eye 081 UFO -  Lights Out 082 Joy Division - Digital 083 Muse - Uprising 084 George Harrison - All Things Must Pass 085 Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love 086 Fine Young Cannibals - Blue 087 New Order - Blue Monday 088 Würzel - Midnight In London 089 Rod Stewart - Gasoline Alley 090 The Wildhearts - Down On London 091 Supertramp - Nothing To Show 092 Motörhead - Metropolis 093 Current 93 - Lucifer Over London 094 The Pogues - Dark Streets of London 095 The Cult - All Souls Avenue 096 The Jam - In The City 097 The Undertones - Teenage Kicks 098 Iggy Pop -  Play It Safe 099 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Jack the Ripper 100 The Cure  - Lets Go To Bed 101 Suede - Animal Nitrate 102 Wire - field day for the sundays 103 Black Books  TV Show - Opening Theme 104 Paul McCartney & Wings - London Town 105 Madness - Primrose Hill 106 The Troggs  - No. 10 Downing Street 107 Iron Maiden -  Gangland 108 PJ Harvey - The Last Living Rose 109 The Rollers - Soho 110 Electric Wizard - Lucifer's Slaves 111 The Buzzcocks -  Just Lust 112 Doctor Who Theme Tune 1980 113 Cathedral - Fountain Of Innocence 114 Pretenders - Swinging London 115 Hanoi Rocks - Tooting Bec Wreck 116 Es - 'Chemical 117 Bee Gees  - Trafalgar 118 The Peddlers    - Under London Lights 119 Cliff Richard - The Young Ones 120 Big Audio Dynamite - Sightsee M.C   121 ABC - Tower of London 122 Accept - London Leatherboys 123 Pitchshifter - Please Sir 124 Portishead -  We Carry On 125 John Lennon - Whatever Gets You Thru The Night 126 The Lurkers - Ain't Got a Clue 127 Iron Maiden - Die with your boots on 128 Siouxsie and the Banshees - Kiss Them For Me 129 Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - From Her to Eternity 130 The Jam - London Traffic 131 The Cranberries - Waiting In Walthamstow 132 The Kinks - Victoria 133 Heads Hands & Feet - Pete Might Spook The Horses 134 Whitesnake -  Long Way From Home 135 Queensryche - London 136 Concrete Blonde - Walking in London 137 Deep Purple - Fireball 138 The Ruts - dope for guns 139 Wham! - Bad Boys 140 Generation X - One Hundred Punks 141 Joe Jackson - Down To London 142 Anti-Nowhere League - Streets of London 143 The Wildhearts - Shandy Bang 144 David Bowie - The London Boys 145 The Human League - Human 146 Cockney Rejects - East end 147 Dire Straits - Eastbound Train 148 Ian Drury - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick 149 Sepultura -  Filthy rot 150 The Jam - Down In The Tube Station At Midnight 151 Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy 152 Purson -  Electric Landlady 153 Black Sabbath -  Tomorrow's Dream 154 The Clash - Guns of Brixton 155 Blood Ceremony - Lord Of Misrule 156 Monty Pythons The Meaning of Life - Penis Song 157 Gentlemans Pistols -  Hustler's Row 158 Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax 159 Jethro Tull - Cross Eyed Mary 160 The Yobs - The Ballad of the Warrington 161 Cradle of Filth - Principle Of Evil Made Flesh 162 Bruce Hornsby - The Black Rats Of London 163 Inspiral Carpets - How It Should Be 164 The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Foxy Lady 165 PETULA CLARK - WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL 166 Lush - Olympia 167 Hunters & Collectors - Blind Eye 168 Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now 169 David Bowie - The Man Who Sold the World 170 UK Subs - C.I.D. 171 Queen - Dont Stop Me Now 172 Bruce Dickinson - Accident of Birth 173 the clash - capital radio one 174 UB40 - Here I Am (Come And Take Me) 175 The Meads Of Asphodel - Guts For Sale 176 Horrible Histories: Savage Songs - Boudicca 177 Swallow the Sun - Labyrinth Of London (Horror Pt. IV) 178 Mad Professor  - Ben Gone Wrong 179 Howard Jones - Things Can Only Get Better 180 Genesis - The Battle Of Epping Forest 181 The Damned -  problem child 182 Squeeze  - Cool For Cats 183 Manfred Mann - Belgravia 184 The Bee Gees - Walking Back to Waterloo 185 Pink Floyd - Waiting For The Worms 186 Madness - Victoria Gardens 187 Paradise Lost - Soul Courageons 188 YES  - Roundabout 189 PJ Harvey - This Is Love 190 The Horrors - Jack The Ripper 191 King Crimson - Red 192 The Smiths - How Soon Is Now 193 Level 42 - Heathrow 194 Intaferon - Get Out Of London 195 Burt Bacharach - Bond street 196 David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust 197 The Clash - Londons Burning 198 Killing Joke - Follow The Leaders 199 Saxon - The Court of the Crimson King 200 Buzzcocks - Harmony in My Head 201 Fairport Convention - Fiddlesticks (Peel Session) 202 Napalm Death - Errors In The Signals 203 Empire  - Hot Seat 204 Anathema - Shroud of Frost 205 Pitchshifter - Condescension 206 The Beatles - Hey Jude 207 Affinity - Highgate 208 KLF - 3 A.M. Eternal (Pure Trance) 209 Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London 210 David Axelrod - London 211 The Wombles - Wellington Goes To Waterloo 212 EastEnders Theme 213 Cathedral - Hypnos 164 214 Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual 215 Alan Moore with Tim Perkins - The Highbury Working A Beat Seance 216 Transvision Vamp - Sex Kick 217 Elton John - Tell Me When The Whistle Blows 218 Firebird - Bow bells 219 The Jam - A' Bomb In Wardour Street 220 Caravan  - Waterloo Lily 221 Lord Sutch & Heavy Friends - Flashing Lights 222 David Bowie - Oh! You Pretty Things 223 Hot Chocolate - West End of Park Lane 224 Thames television ident 1984 225 Newtown Neurotics - Living With Unemployment 226 Peter Murphy - Cuts You Up 227 Suede - Metal Mickey 228 Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer 229 Killing Joke - The Gathering 230 Rolling Stones - You Can't Always Get What You Want 231 Kate Bush - Babooshka 232 Iron Maiden - The Prophecy 233 The Cure - Disintegration 234 The Damned - I Just Can't Be Happy Today 235 WIRE - Silk Skin Paws 236 Brian Eno - Here Come The Warm Jets 237 Souixee & the Banshees - Cascade 238 Jethro Tull - Jeffrey Goes to Leicester Square 239 AC/DC -  Rising Power 240 Alternative TV - Life After Life 241 Napalm Death - Deceiver (Peel Sessions) 242 Electric Light Orchestra - Last Train To London 243 Bucks Fizz - London Town 244 The Sweet - Blockbuster! 245 999 - Bent Cross 246 The Groundhogs - Split, Pt. 1 247 Bow Wow Wow - Go Wild in the Country 248 Blood Ceremony -  Half Moon Street 249 Ming Tea feat. Austin Powers - BBC One 250 Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song 251 Big Audio Dynamite - EMC2 252 Crass - Banned from the Roxy 253 Sleaford Mods - Chaos Down In SoHo 254 Big Ben Chimes of Westminster, London 255 PJ Harvey - A Place Called Home 256 The Ruts - Staring at the rude boys 257 The Times - Whatever Happened To Thames Beat 258 Quincy Jones - London Derriere 259 Lush - Hypocrite 260 PIL - Reggie Song 261 The Style Council - You're The Best Thing 262 UK Subs - Dirty Girls 263 COIL - Slur 264 Frank Zappa - Dead girls of London 265 Iron Maiden - Prowler 266 The Slits - Difficult Fun 267 Killing Joke -  Kings and Queens 268 Simple Minds - Chelsea Girl 269 Motorhead - Bomber 270 XTC - Towers Of London 271 Blitzkrieg  - Hell to pay 272 Gryphon - Opening Move 273 The Challengers - The Streets of London 274 Peggy March - In Der Carnaby Street 275 The Damned - Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde 276 The Pogues - London You're a Lady 277 The Lords Of The New Church - Portobello 278 Rolling Stones - Hot Stuff 279 Joe Jackson - The Evil Eye 280 The Deviants - Garbage 281 Benny Hill Show  - Wild Women 282 Suzi Quatro - Crash 283 Madness - day on the town 284 SHAKESPEAR'S SISTER -  I Don't Care 285 Whitesnake - Wine Women An Song 286 Pink Floyd - Astronomy Domine 287 Rick Astley - Whenever You Need Somebody 288 Bauhaus - In the flat field 289 Dead Can Dance - In Power We Entrust The Love Advocated 290 Paul McCartney -  Old Siam, Sir 291 Lush - De-Luxe 292 AC/DC - let's get it up 293 Sophia Loren & Peter Sellers - Bangers and mash 294 Black Sabbath - Childfren of the grave 295 Psychic TV - The orchids 296 Miracle - The Strife Of Love In A Dream 297 Carter USM - Lean On Me I Won't Fall Over 298 Screaming Lord Sutch - Jack the Ripper 299 WIRE - the 15th 300 Mott the Hoople - Honaloochie Boogie 301 Soft Machine - The Camden Tandem 302 Are You Being Served Theme 303 CATHEDRAL - Serpent Eve 304 Booker T. & The MG's - Carnaby Street 305 Culture Club - It's A Miracle 306 Motorhead - Nothing Up My Sleeve 307 Killing Joke - Money is not our God 308 Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy 309 WIRE - Please take 310 Bananarama - Hey young London 311 The Jam - Carnaby Street 312 Catapilla - Charing Cross   313 The Shadows - Chelsea Boot 314 Ride - Chelsea Girl 315 The Damned  - Grimly Fiendish 316 Marillion - Chelsea Monday 317 Slowdive - Celia's Dream 318 The Clash - Gates of the west 319 Thin Lizzy - Half Caste 320 David Bowie -  I dig everything 321  VUUR - Days Go By - London 322 Elvis Costello - [I Don't Want To Go To] Chelsea 323 Uriah Heep - Walking in your shadow 324 Genesis - Invisible Touch 325 Amy Winehouse - Me & Mr Jones 326 Curve - Fait Accompli   327 Silverfish ‎- Crazy 328 Iron Maiden - Killers 329 Killing Joke -  Ghost Of Ladbroke Grove 330 Sex Pistols - Anarchy In The UK 331 Paradise lost - remembrance 332 The Fall - Leave the Capitol 333 The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset 334 WIRE - Keep exhaling 335 The Peddlers - raining in London 336 Motorhead - damage case 337 10cc - Shock On The Tube (Don't Want Love) 338 Swervedriver - Rave Down 339 Spike Milligan - Tower Bridge 340 Phil Lynott - Solo In Soho 341 Adam and the Ants - Plastic Surgery 342 The Who - Pinball wizard 343 Pulp - Mile end 344 Generation X - Running with the Boss Sound 345 OMD - If You Leave 346 PiL - Public Image 347 Monty Python's Flying Circus TV show - theme song 348 Hall & Oates - London, Luck & Love 349 The Horrors - Three decades 350 Cathedral - Midnight Mountain 351 Killing Joke - glitch 352 Judas Priest - The Ripper 353 Air Raid Siren London Blitz 354 Dragonforce - Fury and the storm 355 Elastica - Connection 356 the Psychedelic Furs - Dumb waiters 357 Samantha Fox - Touch me 358 Wang Chung - Dance hall days 359 Kim Wilde - Water on glass 360 Siouxsie and the Banshees - Overground 361 Atomic Rooster - Tomorrow night 362 Fleetwood Mac - My Heart Beat Like a Hammer 363 Rainbow - Self Portrait 364 Billy Ocean - Love really hurts without you 365 Art of Noise - Beat box (division one) 366 Eurythmics - Never Gonna Cry Again 367 Samson - Grime Crime 368 Go West - we close our eyes 369 Ultravox - Saturday Night In The City Of The Dead 370 King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man 371 Visage - Visage 372 Sandy Denny - Let's Jump The Broomstick 373 Brian Eno - Burning Airlines Give You So Much More 374 Fields Of The Nephilim - Blue water 375 Leftfield - Open Up 376 Blancmange - I've Seen The Word 377 Thomas Dolby - Flying north 378 Sisters of Mercy - Temple of love 379 Royal Orchestra - Royal Entrance Queen Elizabeth II 380 Pink Floyd - Goodbye blue sky 666 David Bowie -  London Bye Ta - Ta 

Play the songs here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC1_ntP663JhZl-hvn9EwFp9L

[alarajrogers]

Is this the latest meme? People jumping on a post that debunks a hoax or a piece of false information to claim that it’s true, with all the sincerity of the Sharks Are Smooth As Hell guy?

I am really fucking suspicious of this, and here’s why.

The degree to which misinformation shapes our political lives, generally in a very negative way, is unprecedented at the moment. You have people who sincerely believed Donald Trump was protecting children from a secret cabal of child molesters who drank children’s blood to stay young. You have people who believe that 570K dead people don’t exist but that a vaccine that has a 1 in a million chance of causing harm is a terrible danger. You have people believing that vaccines cause autism and that the diseases they protect against don’t exist anymore. You have people who believe that socialism and communism are the same thing and literally indistinguishable from totalitarian dictatorship. You have people who believe that a man passing a counterfeit $20 deserved to be slowly murdered in front of an audience of the entire world.

In the 00′s, we had a lot of people playing with edgy, politically incorrect humor. White people using the N word! Hilarious! Can’t you take a joke, you stuffy, too-serious person? Let’s be anti-semitic on main, what’s wrong with you, it’s just a joke? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if we told jokes about women deserving to be raped?

All of these were popular, specifically with white young men (mostly straight, cis and either Christian or atheist with Christian background), and all of them used “it’s a joke” to test out radical right-wing ideology that since then has suckered in huge numbers of people, enough to get a completely incompetent grifter elected president because he was openly racist. That is what bad ideology presented as a joke led to.

The past three days or so I’ve seen this thing going around Tumblr where a really fucking absurd claim is made, and someone debunks it, and a whole host of people jump in and vigorously defend the really stupid claim. Thus far I’ve seen “Joe Biden really did bury a dog” and “The poster’s son really was killed on a ride at Disneyland”.

Now when this was the “sharks are smooth as hell” thing it was funny because there was one guy insisting that sharks are smooth, a lot of people debunking him and being ignored, and it was a new joke... and we hadn’t had QAnon become a serious factor in politics yet, and we hadn’t had misinformation kill literally thousands of Americans. But I’m sorry, guys, this bullshit with doubling down on defending misinformation is not funny anymore, not after COVID and vaccines insert a 5g chip and adenochrome, and it really strongly smacks of the testing-the-waters shit that the white supremacists did with 4chan and PewDiePie and performative racism. Maybe you’re doing it because you think it’s funny, but the thing is, the ironic “reality isn’t real, nothing actually matters because on the internet you can pretend anything is true” stance is literally killing people. Literally. Killing people. Dying of COVID, dying because people would rather believe lies that fit their existing belief systems than accept that the police are corrupt and murderous and that their training makes it impossible for them not to kill people as long as it isn’t challenged and they are not retrained and defunded.

Also, dare I say it: you’re being ableist as hell. Autistic people have a very hard time not going down a rabbit hole of “no! that’s not true!” because we are wired to have a very hard time handling deliberate misinformation. People with high anxiety are likely to be really freaked by photoshops of a little boy being thrown off a roller coaster in the context of a poster insisting that that little boy was their son and it really happened. You’re fucking with people’s heads because you think it’s funny. Some people’s heads are going to get considerably more screwed up than you think, because their neurodiversities magnify the impact of your misinformation.

I have never blocked anyone on Tumblr before. I’m going to start blocking people who participate in this bullshit. I can handle a person with reprehensible ideas; I can argue with them. I can’t argue with people who just laughingly refuse to acknowledge that reality is real and continue to pretend that their son was killed by being thrown off a log flume, illustrated with a picture of a roller coaster and an obvious photoshop. And five years ago I’d have shrugged it off as people telling edgy jokes, but edgy jokes literally contributed to the rise of the alt-right. And misinformation -- which is what this particular set of edgy jokes is playing with -- has murdered thousands of people. Many of whom didn’t believe the misinformation themselves, but were forced to interact with other people who did (tell me, when Republicans went to super-spreader events and got sick with COVID, how many mask-wearing cashiers got sick from them because they refused to wear a mask and kept breathing on the cashier because they thought it was funny, and the companies that employed the cashiers gave them no tools to protect themselves from outright malice from customers?)

So no. Your jokes about Joe Biden killing a dog aren’t funny. Your jokes about a little boy being killed at Disneyland aren’t funny. And your posture that people who take the truth seriously and actually debunk things are people who should be mocked, presumably because who cares about the truth, is disgusting.

[pokeasleepingsmaug]

Agrotera

     Based off this post . I also started a companion piece to it about Apollo doing music therapy with the girls and his redemption arc for all his problematic rapey actions in the past, so I can post that too if you’re interested. 

     Artemis doesn’t quite remember when Apollo traded his golden bow for something smaller, sleeker, easier to conceal and faster to fire, but she’ll never get used to the gleam of the pistol at his hip, and she’ll never relinquish her prized silver bow. She worked too hard to perfect her skill with it over the long millenia, brought down too many enemies with it, and cried out in a hunter’s triumph when her arrows struck true. She still uses the hand-draw technique like the archers of old, eschews the use of a quiver because they’re clumsy and slow her down when she’s in pursuit. Easier to hold her arrows in the hand that holds the bowstring.

    Archery is an art that’s been lost over time to cheap trick-shots and Hollywood inaccuracies. But she’s a goddess and a huntress, and the tense snap of a bowstring sounds like poetry as she sends an arrow singing through the air. Maybe Apollo’s right and she has a dramatic flair, but she thinks that’s pretty rich coming from the guy who shot plague-arrows into half the Greek army during the final year of the Trojan War. If she ignores the fact that she once ripped a man to shreds with his own hounds, she can believe that Apollo is, in fact, the more dramatic twin.

    The drama queen in question leans against the wrought-iron rail of their third-story apartment’s balcony, pistol gleaming at his hip as he takes another drag from his cigarette. “You can’t save them all, Art,” he tells her on an exhale, and she wrinkles her nose and waves the smoke away. She isn’t worried about the health risks, sometimes even wishes she could die, but the smell is another matter entirely.

    “I could if you helped me,” she tells him, an edge of steel in her voice, and he sighs and rolls his jaw.

    “Fine. The next time you hunt.”

    She’s spent centuries with Apollo and knows when he’s only giving in because he’s tired of arguing, but she’ll take the win because she can’t stand to lose. “You have to take your bow.”

    Apollo looks at her with one perfect eyebrow raised. She nods. “I was going to take it anyway,” he snaps. She doesn’t bother to hide her grin. He stubs his cigarette out against the railing and shoves past her through the sliding glass door, muttering as he stalks down the hallway to his room. They have rooms more as a matter of principle, since neither of them need to sleep. Both of them choose to, sometimes. It breaks up some of the tedium of immortality.

    Artemis takes her twin’s spot at the railing, looks pensively at the sun rising above the city skyline. It seems distant today, the pinks and oranges less vibrant than normal. Apollo does this sometimes to show his annoyance, and still has the nerve to accuse her of being dramatic? He practically invented the concept.

…

    Artemis has always been most comfortable in the dark, but it’s been decades--or has it been centuries?--since the goddess of night skies and deep woods danced in moonlight filtering through leaves. City streets are her haunt now, hunting monsters of a different kind in the glow of street lamps and neon signs that dull the once-magnificent night sky into something mundane.

   She misses the time when mortals thought there was magic in the night and in the forest, when they used to pour unwatered wine and sing hymns to her, full of awe and fear. She was powerful once, adored. She isn’t either of those things anymore, but somehow she feels stronger than ever. More purposeful.

    She’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed over her chest, faintly gleaming silver bow and a pile of pale ash arrows resting on the floor at her feet. “Apollo,” she calls, half-annoyed. “We’re hunting for prey, not lovers.”

    “I can’t find my bow.” His voice carries, muffled, from inside the apartment.

    “It’s in the hall closet, hanging on the wall. Right next to the door.”

    “I’m looking in the hall closet!”

    “Apollo. Your bow is bright gold. It glows, for Christ’s sake,” Artemis mutters. She paces down the hall, about to show Apollo exactly where his bow is, when he emerges from the closet with a triumphant shout.

    “I’ll tell Zeus you said that. Hey, can I borrow some arrows?”

    “Oh my God,” Artemis groans, wondering if he just loves to torture her. “How are you even alive?”

    “Probably because I’m immortal. So, arrows?”

    “Fine. They’re more for show, anyway.” She stoops to scoop up her bow and a handful of arrows, leaving about half for Apollo.

    “For show?” He questions, letting his eyes rove over his twin. She’s dressed all in black: black skinny jeans that hug her athletic legs and a black tank top beneath an unzipped black leather jacket. Her revealed skin is pale and gleams faintly silver, thick black eyeliner ringing her eyes, her lips the color of fresh blood. She reminds him of a panther in the breathless moment before a pounce.

    “Also, you can’t wear that. All black everything.” Artemis glares scornfully at his yellow t-shirt.

    “I don’t own anything black,” Apollo tells her matter-of-factly, smiling at her shocked face. “I’m a sun god, Art, not some weird emo moon goddess.”

    “I wouldn’t say that around Selene.”

    “Selene loves me.”

    “Selene tolerates you,” Artemis informs him, ignoring the offended noise he makes. She decides to let Apollo’s questionable wardrobe choices slide this time. She supposes he looks intimidating enough to accompany her, with his artfully messy hair, bright blue eyes, and the faint golden glow of his skin. At the very least he looks not quite human, and that’s probably the best she’ll get from him. Maybe they can do a good cop, bad cop routine or something. They’ve been doing that for centuries anyway, they’ve pretty much perfected it. She whistles once, a short, sharp burst, and her black-and-tan hound rockets off the couch. She reaches an affectionate hand down to scratch his long velvet ears.

    “Do we have to take him? He’s not, you know, inconspicuous.”

    “Aristo has been with me on every hunt since Pan gave him to me!” Artemis scoffs, more offended than ever. The old satyr gave her six dogs and seven bitches back when the world was still new. She still has the entire pack, but Aristo is the only one who comes into the city with her.

    “Where are the rest?” Apollo asks absently as he locks the door behind him.

    “With Hecate.”

    The twin gods head out into the city, walking down the sidewalk like any ordinary mortals might, and turn toward the college campus. Frat houses are usually a good hunting spot. Artemis pauses to smile up at the moon. Selene has it shining its very brightest for her tonight, a hunter’s moon perfectly round and low in the sky. Aristo trots happily at her side, Apollo has been quiet for probably three whole minutes, and she dares to hope, briefly, that she won’t need to hunt tonight.

    Apollo grins as they turn down a street, following a stream of girls in tight dresses hobbling in too-tall heels, and Artemis smacks his arm hard enough to earn a disgruntled yelp. “You’re disgusting.”

    “I look at guys the same way,” he reminds her with a shrug.

    “That doesn’t make it better,” she snaps, beginning to regret bringing him along, but the thought is interrupted by Aristo whining low and urgent in his throat. He bays, giving voice to his full-throated hunting song, and she follows the hound as he tears across the frat house lawn, partygoers stumbling out of his way. Artemis runs after him like she’s just an ordinary girl chasing her escaped dog.

    Apollo curses behind her as he starts running. Aristo waits for them at the front door of the house, still singing, and his claws leave deep gouges in the dark wood as he paws insistently at the door. Artemis shoves it open and follows him immediately up the stairs. He reaches the landing and skids around a corner, baying as he stops in front of a closed door.

    It’s locked but Artemis kicks it open with a crack of hinges sudden as a lightning strike. What good is a door against a god? She sees the boy first, the harsh moonlight streaming through the open window turning his eyes to black pits and deepening the shadows under his cheekbones. He reminds her for an instant of the type of monster she hunted in days long gone. He’s frozen in place as the door bangs against the wall, so stunned he doesn’t even notice the seventy pound dog hurtling toward him until Aristo hits him like a howling torpedo. His arms windmill as he topples out of sight.

    Artemis walks around the bed, lazy and graceful, following the sound of yelling and growling, of sharp gnashing teeth waiting for her command to sink into frail mortal flesh. She finds Aristo pinning the thrashing boy to the carpeted floor with his front paws on his shoulders. “Call off your dog! Please! Get him off me!” The voice is high and hysterical with mortal fear, and Artemis smiles down at him indulgently.

    “I am Artemis Agrotera, and I will deal with you another time.” She calls Aristo off with a sharp whistle. The boy scrambles to his feet, crashing back to the floor as his shoulder collides with Apollo’s thighs. Apollo reaches down and draws him up by the arm, smiling with a menace that can’t quite match his twin’s.

    “We’ll be seeing you,” he promises silkily, gives the arm a gentle squeeze, and stands aside to let the trembling criminal pass. Artemis sinks down on the edge of the rumpled bed, wipes tears from the girl’s cheeks with her thumb, and drapes her black jacket over the bare, shaking shoulders. The girl sobs and pulls the jacket tighter. Artemis makes a shushing noise in her throat and stands, scooping her up bridal-style like she weighs nothing at all.

    The girl hides her face against the goddess’s chest as they leave the house. Fear and guilt war in her, eating her alive with teeth that slice like knives because she knows what will happen. The police will ask her how much she drank and what she was wearing and if she was flirting with him, if she’d given him any indication that maybe she wanted this. The thought turns her stomach, but they’re outside in the cool night air and the moon is so bright it seems to shine just for her.

    Artemis looks down at the girl in her arms, and her heart breaks into a thousand pieces for the first time that night. “I’m taking you to someone who can help.” The walk back to the apartment building is about ten minutes, but the silence and the shaking girl make it seem like eternities. When they arrive, Artemis fumbles her car keys from the pocket of her black skinny jeans and hits the unlock button. “Do you want to sit in the front with me, or in the back with the dog?”

    The girl’s wide brown eyes flit between Artemis’s perfect moon-pale face and Aristo’s floppy ears and kind brown eyes. “The dog, please.”

    “His name is Aristo.” Artemis says, setting the girl on her feet and opening the back door for her. Aristo leaps in, tail wagging, and the mortal girl slides into the seat beside him. “He loves hugs.”

    “Aristo,” the girl murmurs, burying her face in his neck with a shaky breath.  “My name is Laurel.” Artemis’s stomach clenches. Apollo looks like he might be ill as he climbs into the passenger seat. He knows where the first laurel tree still grows, nearly as old as the surrounding hills.

    Artemis starts the car and within minutes they’re speeding out of the city, turning off the highway onto winding back roads, and she rolls all the windows down to feel the wind in her hair and focuses on that to still the angry shaking of her hands. “Hey Art, does Hecate know we’re coming?” Apollo asks as they turn up the long dirt driveway, past a sign that says Crossroads Farm in fading purple paint.

    “She always knows.”

    Sure enough, the front porch light is on and lights are shining through the front windows. “We’re here,” Artemis announces for Laurel’s benefit as she parks.

    “Where are we?” Laurel’s voice fills with fear. Artemis’s heart shatters into a thousand pieces, for what must be the thousandth time tonight.

    “Crossroads Farm,” Artemis tells her, voice gentler than Apollo’s ever heard it. “You’ll be safe, I promise.”

    “Who are you?” Laurel looks at them with wide, suspicious eyes and hugs hard enough around Aristo’s neck that he whines.

    “Artemis, and this is my brother, Apollo.” Artemis waves her hand vaguely in the direction of her brother’s faintly shining face and ridiculous yellow t-shirt. They aren’t so ancient that their names are completely unfamiliar, because Artemis can see recognition stirring in Laurel’s fearful brown eyes.

    “Like the ancient Greeks?”

    Apollo nods. “Something like that. Come on, you’ll like Hecate.”

    Before Artemis can stop him, he reaches toward Laurel’s hand to guide her up the steps. The mortal recoils from him, and Apollo looks so heartbroken Artemis almost pities him. She reminds herself he doesn’t know any better yet--he’s never spent time with a girl like Laurel before. He doesn’t understand the panic in her veins, the constant nagging fear she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life. He’s never heard a girl wake screaming from a nightmare she can’t stop reliving every time she closes her eyes.

    “Shouldn’t we go to the police station?” Laurel asks, but she follows Artemis up the front porch steps anyway. Apollo walks a respectful distance behind her, half-dejected and half-protective, but completely silent. When Artemis opens the door, Hecate is already sitting at the scrubbed pine table with four steaming mugs of tea, the picture of serenity.

    Hecate was called Iphigenia once, and she was the first mortal Artemis rescued; led to a gleaming sacrificial knife by a man who was supposed to protect her. She understands, in a way Artemis will never be able to, the fear and the guilt and the panic that feels like it can stop your lungs from filling. “Hi,” Hecate says simply, gesturing at the mugs. Laurel takes the empty seat beside her, and Artemis pointedly sits in the chair beside Laurel. Apollo huffs as he takes the seat furthest from her. “It’s herbal tea,” Hecate says, answering the girl’s unspoken question. “It will help you sleep without dreams.”

    Laurel nods, wraps her hands around the warm ceramic mug and inhales deeply. “It smells good.” She hesitates, her eyes dancing over the three deities. “Are--are you really Greek gods?”

    Artemis is proud of Apollo, for once, for the way he doesn’t let his face fall. She knows there’s nothing like a tragedy to unravel a mortal’s world; she’s seen it more times than she cares to remember and yet she can’t forget any of them. If something like this can happen--stories that happen on the evening news, to other people--then stories older than street lamps and cars can happen, too.

    “Yes.” Artemis has found, through trial and error, through centuries, that simplicity works best.

    “Artemis is the protector of young girls,” Apollo says, like that explains everything. “She’s been doing this--geez, for how long, Art?” He’s trying too hard to act casual, but Artemis can see he’s shaken. It takes some getting used to; this is only his first time and she has literal millenia of practice. She takes a deep breath and reminds herself to be patient.

    “Since mortals stopped protecting their own daughters. When police began asking a girl what she was wearing, instead of asking a boy why he felt he had the right to take her sense of safety away.”

    “Right. That long.”

    “I was the first she saved,” Hecate volunteers conversationally. “Back when Troy still stood tall on its hill.”

    “That clears things up,” Apollo mutters, rolling his eyes conspiratorially at Laurel. She rewards him with a tiny smile, and Artemis is half-surprised he doesn’t jump up and dance. He only grins, and she knows he’ll take whatever victory he can get even if it doesn’t feel like enough. A smile from Laurel won’t erase his past mistakes.

    “It should clear things up, you were there,” Artemis reminds him. “You built the walls of Troy with your own hands.”

    “Yeah, look how well that worked out.” Apollo pouts into his tea, unable to let go of that centuries-old sting. “Fucking Eris and her fucking apple.”

    Artemis raises an eyebrow. “That was literally ages ago. We have other problems now.” Apollo follows her gaze as it rests on Laurel, sipping her tea and watching them with open fascination.

    “How is this even my life?” Laurel wonders aloud.

    Apollo shrugs, apparently having recovered from his earlier unease. “You’re just lucky, I guess.” The joke falls flat, he hisses in a breath and scrambles to fix his mistake. “Sorry, Jesus, I’m so sorry.” Tea sloshes over the side of his mug as he sets it down carelessly and reaches across the table for Laurel’s hand. She withdraws it and stares flatly into the contents of her mug.

    Apollo’s face is crestfallen as he looks to Artemis for guidance, and she’s amazed that a god can be so painfully dumb. “Smooth,” she barks, patience momentarily snapped. Aristo rests his head on Laurel’s lap, much more comforting than Apollo could ever be, and she strokes him silently.

    “Laurel,” Apollo begins, but she cuts him off with a shake of the head.

    “It’s fine. Can-can I stay here tonight?” Her eyes are wide and wary as she turns to Hecate.

    “Of course. I’ll show you to your room.” The gentle goddess stands, leading the exhausted mortal down the hallway to the left of the kitchen, through the living room, and toward the bedrooms in the back. They’ve done this too many times since Hecate bought this place a couple decades ago; there’s a dozen bedrooms here reserved for the girls Artemis brings. Sometimes they only stay for one night, sometimes for a week, sometimes they’ll leave and show up again unannounced months later, dark circles under their eyes and a constant tension in their shoulders.

    Hecate never turns them away, only cooks them meals with the vegetables from her garden and gives them tea to help them sleep. They spend their days outside, reading in the sunlight or roaming with Artemis and her dogs, wearing loose chitons and carrying bows. There’s two other girls here besides Laurel; Kate, the girl Artemis helped last night, and Andrea, who showed up here a week ago and cried in Hecate’s arms again.

    “Artemis,” Hecate calls down the hall, interrupting her thoughts, “can Aristo sleep with Laurel tonight?”

    Artemis hates to relinquish her hunting partner, but he looks up at her with soft eyes, and she knows he would rather spend the night cuddling with Laurel than chasing her attacker. “Make sure Pelea has the scent,” she tells the dog. He wags his tail once in agreement and pushes through the doggy door to find Pelea. “He’ll be there soon,” Artemis calls back.

    She and Apollo sit in silence, Apollo fidgeting with his empty mug as Artemis waits for her dogs. They’re only gone for a few minutes, Aristo trotting in with Pelea on his heels. He bumps his snout against his mistress’s hand as he trots by. Pelea rests her head on Artemis’s lap, tail wagging as Artemis scratches her ears.

    A few minutes later Hecate glides into the kitchen on silent feet and sighs as she sits at the head of the table. “She’s settled in with Aristo. When are you guys going?” Artemis ducks her head to look out the window, squints up at the huge, bright hunter’s moon, and looks over at her brother.

    “Ready for part two?”

    “What’s part two?” His voice is apprehensive, and Artemis thinks it’s hilarious. She likes that she can still surprise him even after millenia.

    She smiles wolfishly as she stands and stretches, slow and lazy. “The hunt.”

    “Oh. I was wondering why you went by Agrotera earlier.” It’s an epithet he hadn’t heard her use in at least a few centuries, but it was one of the earliest used to describe her. Artemis Agrotera. Artemis of the Hunt.

    She rolls her eyes so hard, she can practically see the back of her own skull. “Don’t tell me you still go by Phoebus.”

    He shakes his head, looking away. “I stopped using my epithets a long time ago.”

    Artemis steps forward and grips his chin, forcing him to face her. She hates the shame she sees there, but she knows it’s been a long time coming. “Apollo Akesios,” she says softly, firmly. “Averter of evil.” Sometimes even gods need to be reminded who they are.

    “I don’t deserve that one. Maybe I never did.” His voice is low and full of sadness, but Artemis isn’t about to let him get away with wallowing. Self-loathing isn’t becoming for the god of the sun.

    “Then earn it now. I don’t have time for your pity-party, Apollo, I have hunting to do. You can either hang out here and mope over Laurel--and we both know it isn’t really about her, anyway--or you can help me catch the asshole who did this.” She releases his chin; he rubs his jaw ruefully. Her grip had slowly tightened the more worked up she became.

    “Fine, Art, geez. But tomorrow I’m going to Greece.”

    “Tell Daphne if she ever wants to be human again, she has a place here,” Hecate interjects from the table. Apollo waves a hand in acknowledgement, trying to ignore the way his stomach drops at the name. He’s barely finished composing himself by the time Artemis is halfway out the door, and he starts after her with a muttered curse. They slide into her silver car, and he doesn’t have time to buckle his seatbelt before she’s peeling down the driveway.

    “You can help me with this anytime you want, you know,” Artemis tells him, voice raised to be heard over the wind roaring through the windows. She’s tired of seeing her brother so lost, so far removed from the god he once was. They all are, except maybe Hades, because there will always be death. But hunting like this, protecting young girls like she used to, it reminds Artemis of who she is. She wants this feeling for her brother, too, because she loves him dearer than all the world of mortals.

    “I’m not much of a hunter, Art.”

    “No, but you invented medicine. You’re a healer. These girls, they need someone. Hecate does what she can, but sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes it takes more than herbal tea and an essential oil diffuser. For some of them, positive energy and sunlight doesn’t cut it. Hecate’s a minor goddess, but you? God of the sun, remember? Inventor of medicine and music and poetry. And Selene, she makes the moon shine brighter for them so they’re never caught out in the dark, but you can teach them to carry sunlight in their hearts again. You don’t have to hunt with me, after tonight. But when you get back from Greece,” she shrugs, “there’s a purpose for you, if you want it.”

    Apollo doesn’t have to answer, because Pelea barks suddenly from the backseat. Artemis barely checks her blind spot as she pulls over, parking so quickly she scrapes her tire against the curb. She jumps out of the car and opens the back door for Pelea. Apollo unfolds himself from his seat and jogs alongside Artemis, following the hound.

    “When did you train your dogs to do this?” He wonders idly, not expecting an answer.

    “A couple hundred years ago, maybe? Around the time Ivar the Boneless invaded Ireland.”

    “That was over a thousand years ago, Art.” He looks at her, bemused, knowing she doesn’t care about the specifics. It’s important to him, though. They’ve never kept secrets from each other, and this stings more than he wants to admit. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

    “You and Hermes sort of disappeared for a century or so, I didn’t want to bother you.” Apollo tries to remember this specific disappearance, thinks maybe it was when he and Hermes hung out with Calypso on her island for a while. It’s nice to leave the world sometimes. Pelea trots easily in front of them, scenting the cool breeze, and the moon is huge and high in the sky. It’s barely past the middle of the night.

    “Where’s she taking us?” Apollo grumbles. Artemis, ever the patient hunter, smiles serenely at him and doesn’t grace him with an answer. Pelea’s tail wags in slow arcs. Artemis knows they’re getting closer but she enjoys the pursuit. She hopes the boy is laying in his bed, unable to sleep, feeling in his cowardly bones that vengeance is coming to him. She wants to hope he feels guilty but knows he probably doesn’t, so the most she ever hopes for is fear.

    Pelea bays, just once, the sound that used to be the death-song of so many stags, and Artemis hopes the boy shivers at the sound. She sees him in the distance, a shadow against the horizon, a dark shape moving between houses. Pelea takes off after him eagerly, Artemis and Apollo hot on her heels. Pelea veers around to cut off his escape as the twins reach him.

    Artemis reaches out, a pale arrow clasped in her hand, and rubs the shining silver point down the length of his spine. “I told you I would find you,” she croons, sing-song as a baying hound.

    He stops dead in his tracks so suddenly that Apollo nearly crashes into him. Artemis strokes the arrow down the boy’s back again. She rubs her hand almost seductively along the back of his neck, leans closer, and whispers in his ear, “Turn around and face me.” She releases her hold, lets the arrowhead drag along his shoulder and chest as he obeys her. She tickles him lightly with the tip, just above the place where his heart beats so hard she can see the pulse throbbing in his neck. “Do you remember my name?”

    He nods frantically, too terrified to speak. A sharp smell reaches her nose, she glances down to the spreading stain on the front of his jeans and clucks disapprovingly. “What was my name, again?” She drags the arrow up to the wildly thudding pulse at the juncture of his chin and neck.

    “Art--Artemis A--Agro….” he trails off, she increases the pressure until he starts bawling. “Agrotera,” he chokes. She nods, pleased, and eases back just a bit.

    “I’m not going to kill you,” she purrs, arrow still pressed against his throat. “This time. A quick death is too merciful for men like you.” She sighs, as if she regrets that. “In Sparta, where they worshipped me centuries ago, they gave all their women small knives. That way, if a man ever tried to force himself upon her, she could slash him across the face and the entire world would know what he did. That was a good time for women, when they didn’t need me to protect them.” She stares him down with eerie, unblinking silver eyes. “Do you know her name? The girl you attacked?”

    He shakes his head, and Artemis gently traces the tip of the arrowhead along his jawline. “Her name is Laurel. She’s twenty years old and has a little brother, and she’s studying biology in college. She wants to be a cancer researcher, and travel the world, and she always loved the night until you made her afraid of it.” Artemis pauses, gives him a soft smile. “So now I want you to be afraid of it, too. I think they had it right in Sparta, all that time ago.”

    Quick as thought, she darts the arrow up and slices along his cheekbone. The slash is clean, surgically precise, and will heal in a narrow, smooth pink scar. It’s high enough up that a beard will never hide it. “That custom is long dead, more’s the pity.” She shrugs, twirls the arrow so that it flashes in the moonlight, and tastes the dark blood on the silver arrowhead with the tip of her tongue. “Coward’s blood, I knew it. No descendent of Sparta.” She brings the arrow up again and runs it down the slope of his nose. “No one will know why there’s a slash on your face except you. Every time you look in the mirror, you’ll remember what you did. That is my first gift to you.”

    She smiles, as if he’s just won the grand prize on a game show. There’s something feral in her eyes, a wildness mortals thought dead long ago. The boy is shaking uncontrollably. A first gift implies a second, and he doesn’t want anything except for this to be a dream. “So my first gift was knowledge, and my second is a promise.” She looks at him like she’s waiting for him to thank her.

    When he’s silent, she shrugs and continues. She inspects the arrow as she speaks, not looking at him. He doesn’t deserve the attention of her gaze. “I promise that I will be watching you until the day you die. I promise that if you ever do this again, if you ever raise your hand to a woman, I will be the last thing you see.”

    She reaches down, scratches Pelea’s ears affectionately. “This is Pelea. The dog I had with me earlier was Aristo. They’ve been alive longer than this country.” She gestures vaguely with the arrow; he instinctively raises his arms to protect his face. Artemis tries to hide the savage pleasure this brings her, but can’t quite keep the triumph from her ice-cold eyes. “They were given to me by Pan, the god of shepherds and wild places. Did you know he invented panic?” She tilts her head thoughtfully. “I perfected it, though.” The moonlight gleams off her perfect white teeth as she smiles.

    “Once they have your scent, they can find you anywhere in the world. There is nowhere you can hide, nowhere my hounds cannot find you.” Her voice is mild, almost pleasant, and it makes the boy sob with a terror that’s older than instinct. Centuries ago, humans feared the gods; that fear is buried just beneath the surface of their conscious minds. It’s nearly effortless for Artemis to awaken it. “Do you understand me, mortal?”      

    He nods rapidly.

    Artemis smiles and steps back. “Good. You may go now.”

    She turns on her heel, crisp as a soldier on parade, and walks gracefully toward the car with Pelea roaming ahead to sniff a tree trunk. Apollo glances at the boy, takes in the abject terror and awe on his face as he watches Artemis walk away, and gives the boy a smile that could be mistaken for friendly before he follows his sister. The walk is quiet, with only the swishing of their feet through dew-damp grass and Pelea’s deep whuffs as she scents the air. Artemis opens the back door and the hound leaps in happily.

    The twins climb into their seats and buckle their seatbelts, and Artemis drives them out of the city back toward Hecate’s farm. “Can’t you take me back to the apartment?” Apollo whines, not sure if he can face those girls when he can still remember Daphne morphing into a laurel tree to escape his touch.

    “I like to be there when they wake up. Someday, you will, too.”

    “After Greece, maybe.”

    “You’ve waited too long to apologize.”

    “I waited too long to learn my mistakes,” Apollo corrects.

    She smiles over at him, full of pride. “I knew you would, though. I hoped it would be centuries ago, but better late than never.” She shrugs, like a few centuries isn’t a big deal when you can never die. “If I’d known hunting was what would make you realize, I would have taken you with me a long time ago.”

    “Art, that was…. He looked at you like they all used to look at us. You were terrifying. I haven’t seen you like that in thousands of years. Agrotera, indeed.”

    She smiles, pleased. “Mortals haven’t changed much, really.” She turns up the long dirt driveway of Crossroads Farm. Hecate left the porch light on for them, but the windows are dark this time. Artemis puts the car in park and kills the engine before she turns in her seat and fixes her bright silver eyes on him. “So will you be here in the morning?”

    She’s really asking if he wants to see Laurel again, and Apollo knows it. And he does want to, but he can’t. Not yet. First he needs to see a different laurel, a tree nearly as old as the hills and twice as wise.

    He shakes his head. “I’ll be in Greece at first light. Tell Laurel,” he blows out a breath between pursed lips. “Tell her I’ll be back by dinner.”

    “I’ll tell her, if she asks,” Artemis promises, knowing she probably won’t. She hopes Apollo doesn’t pick up on that, but his face falls before he can stop it. She’s spent millenia reading his emotions, and her heart breaks into a thousand pieces for what must be the millionth time that night. She draws her twin into a hug. “Good luck, Apollo Akesios.”

    He wraps his arms around her. “I promise I won’t disappear for a century this time. This is my place now, just like yours.” He ends the hug and straightens, brows pinched together in the middle. “Should we end the lease on the apartment?”

    “No. That’s my base of operations in the city. I just let you crash there because you were a broke street musician.”

    Apollo huffs, offended. “Not anymore, though. I’ll see you tomorrow, Art.” He sighs and rolls his jaw. Artemis nods and opens the car door. When she reaches the porch and turns back to the car, the passenger seat is empty. She opens the door and steps into the kitchen. She hangs her gleaming silver bow on the hook by front door and tiptoes down the hallway.

    She peeks into three bedrooms, at the girls finally able to sleep peacefully, snoring hounds curled up at their feet. It’s not adoration like she once had, but it’s still a home, and these healing girls are just as much a family as her band of huntresses ever were. For what must be the first time that night, she thinks her heart might be whole.

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Dynasty Chapter 1

Deadpool watched as Spiderman’s leg tapped to an off-beat rhythm while the hero was faced away. While he normally had no problems watching Spidey tap out while they were resting—

[He could tap us out any day.]

{Think that’s how he keeps his butt pretty?}

—he could tell something was bothering the guy. “So—anything new?” Spiderman grunts, but otherwise doesn’t reply. “Aliens, tin cans, checking out my ass like I check out yours…”

The last usually goaded a reply of some kind out of the spider. Usually a chuckle or a shift in position. This time he’s silent for a full minute before replying. “People keep following me,” he grumbled. “It’s—unnerving.”

[Must be bad. He’s opening up to us.]

{Why hasn’t he told Stark if he’s so freaked?}

“Good question. Have you told old Tin Can about the people following you?”

Spiderman stilled. “I did,” he said. Deadpool could hear the frustration in his voice. “He thinks I’m imagining it,” he spat out.

“That doesn’t make sense. You never imagine things like that. Or good things, like people naked.” The suit turned to look at him, but Deadpool ignored it. “I feel certain that Old Rusty knows that. He should know that. I mean, you share the same tower and everything and he should have a rough idea of your abilities.”

Spiderman relaxed, slightly. “He does,” the spider informed him. “Problem is…I’m not being followed as Spiderman. And, well…” His voice trailed off.

Deadpool frowned. He knew—well, he thought he knew—that Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man, knew that Peter Parker was Spiderman. Hell, the man had adopted him five years ago. About the same time that Spiderman started running around in his high-tech suit, so—so he had to know, right?

And he should be even more worried if he didn’t know that Peter was Spiderman, simply because he was known as Stark’s adopted son and even if Peter was the most bland person in the universe (which he totally wasn’t, by the way), Stark had more enemies than a stray dog had fleas. Seriously. The man had almost as many enemies as Deadpool himself.

“You,” the mercenary asked hesitantly, “want to come back to my place? After patrol?” After that aborted attempt to take Peter home, the two hadn’t shared a confined space together. And it had taken a week for the spider to even talk to the merc, thank you very much author.

I told you not to let him pick up the binoculars.

To his surprise the spider relaxed. “Sure,” he said. “That would—that would be nice. Do you mind—if I bring some stuff? So I can stay a few days?”

Deadpool felt his heart leap. “Ab-so-lute-ly!” he yelled. He jumped up to hug Spiderman, who dodged, only for Deadpool to fall off the roof. Before he actually impacted with the ground a string of webbing caught one foot and stopped the fall before gently lowering him to the pavement below. He looked up at the arachnid who jumped lightly to the ground next to him. “I can heal,” he felt obliged to remind the hero.

“I know you can,” Spiderman retorted. “Just as I know—” He whirled, stiffened, and groaned. “That convenience store is being robbed.”

“The one with the giant green square?” Deadpool asked. “Baby boy, I know you like helping people, but trust me—” The spider was gone and he got up, cursing slightly.

Spiderman helped people, but aside from a few quick quips and one-liners didn’t really talk to them. If he had, he’d know that the night clerk at that particular location was more than capable of taking care of herself. Then again, maybe it would do Spiderman good to learn that there were people in the city who didn’t need saving on a regular basis.

[Or maybe she’ll take exception to him interrupting her. You remember what happened to the last idiot to try and rob that store.]

{Yeah, let’s try to keep that perky ass from getting stabbed again.}

It should be easier to keep him from getting stabbed, Deadpool thought as he made his way to the store seconds behind Spiderman. I mean, he has that whole spidey-sense thing to tell him when bad stuff is coming.

Deadpool reached the store, just in time to see the scene. The robber had a gun to the clerk’s head. The clerk’s eyes were narrowed, hands in her pockets, where Deadpool knew she kept her knives. The robber whipped his gun around, fired it at Spiderman (who dodged) and the clerk stabbed him in the leg before stomping on his foot, and slamming her knee into his head to knock him out. She popped her gun. “Either one of you strapping young gentlemen mind hauling this carcass out of my store before he bleeds all over my floor?”

“Oh, me! Me!” said Deadpool happily as he flung the unconscious robber over his shoulder. “And seltzer water and lemon for blood,” he added as he deposited the would-be robber on the ground outside.

“Not on tile,” drawled the clerk.

“Do you need us to call the police, or—”

“Eh, he’ll be fine.” The clerk was already getting a mop bucket. “I stabbed him in the Vastus Lateralis. If he takes it easy for a while he won’t even know he was stabbed in a week.” She ran the mop over the few drops that had spilled, making sure to get them all up. Then she paused and pointed at Deadpool. “And I’m still not selling you beer without an ID.”

“But honey!” protested Deadpool. “You should make an exception for me!”

She snorted. “I make an exception for you every time you waltz in here with that mask on and I don’t call the police.”

“Speaking of the police—”

“Honey, trust me,” the clerk said as she wheeled the bucket back to a corner. “They have enough problems. And I can’t get hazard pay,” she added. “I’ve tried.”

[The confused look on his face is precious.]

{We can’t see it through the mask, idiot.}

[But I bet it looks precious.]

“So, let’s go see if there’s other crime we need to stop,” Deadpool said, slinging an arm around Spiderman’s shoulders.

“Feel free to come back,” the clerk called. “As long as you’re not trying to buy anything age restricted,” she added.

“Aw, Cheery loves it when people visit the store,” Deadpool said as he pulled Spiderman out of it. The robber was, conveniently, already gone.

“You know some weird people DP,” Spiderman said. “All right,” he said cocking his head. “Bank robbery four streets down.”

“That one we should stop.”

[prorevenge]

Won’t pick up your dog’s shit and then steal from me? Move out then.

So this happened at the last apartment complex I lived in. Sorry it’s so long.

My SO and I were renting a ground floor unit at a really nice apartment complex. I wouldn’t say it was a luxury apartment or anything but our ground floor unit had a little patio off the back that led out into a really nice court yard area with hammocks, a walking path, outdoor fireplace/seating area, etc. A lot of people walk their dogs out there or let their kids play out in the grass, including us.

We have a 1 year old cane corso, we got her when we’d been living in the unit for about 2.5 months and she was only 8 weeks at the time. She’s a really good dog and we trained her well. We could let her out to go potty and she’d come right back even if there were distractions/people/dogs out (we always stood on the patio and watched her anyways because our pet agreement said we couldn’t leave our dog unattended). Then we’d go pick up her poop right away if she pooped (also part of the pet agreement as I’m sure is standard at most apartment complexes). We kept a small step trash can outside specifically for her poop bags because we didn’t want to throw them away inside and the only outside trash cans were on the other side of the building (which i agree is super dumb). It really was a small trash can, like the kind you’d tuck into the bathroom between the toilet and the wall. We also had her poop bags hanging on our patio door handle for easy access so we didn’t have to hunt for them every time we needed them.

This lady and her kid moved in on the ground floor in our building, two units down from us. No biggie. We ran into her one day carrying in groceries and my SO held open the door for her. She seemed kind of Karen-ish but was polite and her kid (probably 10-11 years old) didn’t look up from his phone. Whatever that’s pretty typical of kids these days. They also had a dog, a little black and white fluffy thing super cute but not trained very well. Don’t know what kind of dog but it was much smaller than our already giant puppy.

After about two weeks or so, we realized that there were dog turds in the grass right off our patio. We found out the hard way because my boyfriend stepped in it the first time. Luckily he wasn’t barefoot. They were clearly not our dog’s turds as 1.) we always picked up her poop right after she went and 2.) they were very obviously from a small dog, not our 70 pound puppy. We’d been in the apartment about 7-8 months at that point and had never had an issue with this so we figured it was EM’s little dog. I wrote her a polite note that basically was like “Hey neighbor! We noticed that some of your dog’s poops aren’t being picked up and are right off our patio. Per the pet agreement we all have to sign, we all need to be picking up our own dog’s poop each time they go. I’m sure it was an accident and you just didn’t notice, so if you could make sure to do that going forward we’d appreciate it! -Your neighbors in (unit#)”

She wasn’t home so I slipped it under the door and went back to my apartment. A couple hours later this lady is banging on my door and gets really angry with me, insists that it couldn’t have been her dog and how dare I assume. I felt really bad and I apologized immediately, said I didn’t mean to offend her and it must have been someone else. She told me never to bother her with “crap like this again” and stormed off. I was like okaaaaayyyyy.

Not three days later, I was sitting on my patio with a book enjoying the cool weather when I see their little dog run out of their back door - no one with it - and it comes over to me. I said hello to the pup (bcuz I love pups) and then it took a shit right off patio, ran back home and scratched the door to be let in. I saw her kid slide the door open enough to let the dog in and then closed it again without coming outside to pick up the poop. I was annoyed because here I saw it with my own eyes that it WAS their dog and no one was even watching it when it was outside.

So I grabbed a poop bag, picked up the poop, wrote another less polite note about her kid neglecting to watch the dog or come to check if it had pooped/pick up after it, and dropped the poop bag and the note on their patio right by the door, then went back to my reading. EM was quicker to come by this time and stomped right up to me, waving the note around. Then stated that her kid was just a kid and probably just forgot to check. I said I didn’t care, her kid was old enough to stand outside for 3 minutes and come pick up the dog’s poop. She said well there’s no poop bags/trashcans on this side of the building and she didn’t feel comfortable making her kid walk all the way around the building for that. The next part is my own fault, in hindsight. I suggested she put a trash can like mine on her patio and leave their own poop bags handy like we do for our dog. She eyed our stuff, huffed some more, rolled her eyes, refused to do anything about the poop and walked off. At this point I was super annoyed.

I stalked my patio door for the next couple days as much as I could, just waiting. And sure enough on day 2 in the evening when I was about to give up, I see the puppy run outside towards my patio. I whipped out my phone, took some pictures of the dog outside alone (not allowed) and the dog pooping and then took another phone an hour later of the poop still there and time stamped all of them. Then I sent an email to the apartment office people who were always pretty nice and they responded quickly they would give her a warning about it.

And sure enough this lady comes back AGAIN, to get mad and yell at me about how petty I was to report them to the office and now they had a $150 fine for not picking up their dog poop. (It’s worth noting that these fines were rare. PooPrints were not used at this complex. In order for the office to fine someone for dog poop they had to have proof it was that specific tenants dog’s poop and that it wasn’t picked up. Hence the photos I’d taken and timestamped.) I told her that I had tried to be nice about it with her TWICE before and it was her own fault at that point for not abiding by the terms of the pet agreement we ALL had to sign (everyone who had a dog at least).

She went off about how she’s a single mom and she works during the day and her precious baby can’t be expected to pick up after their dog. I told her that a 10/11 year old was plenty old enough to pick up after a dog and that if they weren’t responsible enough then maybe the kid shouldn’t be letting the dog out at all and she should be the one to do it or maybe whoever is home with him should be looking after it. She got angry, told me I had no idea how to be a single mom, that her mom stays with him during the day and shouldn’t be expected to look after her kid and her dog and she stomped off again. I expected to hear more about it but I didn’t. (The ironic part is I AM a single mom; my kid isn’t my SO’s and I raised him alone for 2.5 years before I met my SO, so yes I do know how hard it is and I live 1000 miles from my closest family so I never even had the luxury of being able to have my mom watch my kid.)

Over the next couple of weeks we didn’t find anymore dog turds off our patio. But we did notice our poop bags were depleting and our trash can filling up way more quickly than usual. I had my suspicions and wanted to test it. We had recently bought some small security cameras for inside of our apartment for different reasons and I had my boyfriend set one up outside on the patio. We faced it where it could see our door and trash can but didn’t point to the rest of the court yard or other people’s units (we respect privacy around here).

Sure enough the same evening my boyfriend set it up, I see the kid walk onto our patio, take a poop bag, walk out of frame, and then come back to throw it in our trash can. Okay. Now I’m PISSED but also not trying to fight this lady or her kid. So I moved the poop bags to the inside door handle. It’s a glass door so you can still see them but we always lock our sliding door.

Next morning, I hear someone knocking on the back patio door and I go to see her kid standing there looking annoyed. I didn’t open the door I just spoke loudly enough to ask what did he need. He demanded a poop bag for his dog’s poop. I said I’m sorry but these are our poop bags for our dog and they weren’t free for anyone else to use. The apartment provides poop bags in a dispenser near the trash can on the other side of the building. Kid started demanding a poop bag, saying his mom told him he could use ours, slapping his hands on the glass a few times (trying to scare me? yes I’m so terrified of a ten year old boy...), and finally screaming at me that he’s telling his mother on me. I said fine go ahead I’ll tell her the same thing. Sure enough, a few minutes later his mom is standing on my patio also demanding a poop bag for her dog’s poop. I denied her a bag and asked her to please step off of my patio as she was making me feel unsafe and uncomfortable (my SO wasn’t home). She told me I was a bratty child (I’m 24...) and she demanded I let her use my poop bags as I had already told her she could before. I said no, I told you to get some yourself and do what I do - keep them close by and put your own trash can on your own patio - not use the bags I buy with my own money for my own dog and then fill up my tiny trash can with your dog’s poop. I pointed out she could use a plastic shopping bag if she didn’t want to buy her own poop bags or she could use the bags the complex provided on the other side of the building. She kept going off on me and I finally told her if she didn’t leave my patio I’d call the police as she was harassing me (the apartment office was closed on Sundays and of course it was Sunday). She acted like she was going to call my bluff but then my boyfriend got home and walked up behind me to ask what was going on and she ended up dragging her kid away - again, leaving the poop in the grass off my patio.

So once she was gone, I took ANOTHER timestamped picture of the dog poop, downloaded the footage from my security camera of her kid stealing my poop bags and throwing them in my trash can and the footage from them that morning yelling at me and demanding my bags and my denying them and emailed all of it to the apartment management. I told them that she made me feel unsafe and uncomfortable in my own home, that she and her child felt entitled to come onto my patio and take my belongings. I also went outside, picked up her dog’s poop, looked in the trash can on my patio and pulled out the bags with her dog’s poop (they were significantly smaller than my dog’s poops as I’m sure any dog owners could tell the difference in poops of a 12lb dog vs a 70lb dog). I went and opened all the bags and dumped the poops straight on her patio right outside the door.

On Monday, I heard back from the office lady who said she would take care of it. By Friday, there was a moving truck and the lady and her kid were moving out. Pretty sure they were evicted or at the very least urged to move before a formal eviction process was initiated. After talking to some of our other, much friendlier neighbors, it turns out we weren’t the only ones who had been complaining about her. They’d only lived in the complex for like 2-3 months before they made so many enemies they were kicked out.

Sometimes I think I should feel bad for playing a part in them getting evicted but honestly I can’t bring myself to feel guilty about it. Not my fault she was a lazy entitled bitch who couldn’t even be assed to get a shopping bag to pick up her dog’s shit. I never heard from her about the turds I dropped on her patio but I like to think she stepped in them without looking and knew better than to come bitch to me about it.

sorrynotsorry

(Also, I’m sure they were given more than a week to vacate as those are the tenancy laws here but she packed up and left like a bat out of hell. Guess she didn’t want to stay somewhere she was clearly seen as an enemy... I don’t know for sure that she was evicted or if she was just asked to leave or abide by the lease or what. Office can’t give out that type of info and she and I weren’t exactly on speaking terms for her to give me the scoop about it.)

TLDR; Entitled mom lets her dog shit wherever it wants without cleaning it, I tell her to pick up her dog’s shits or make her kid do it, she refuses, gets a fine from the apartment complex after I send them pics of her dog unattended and the poop not being picked up. She starts letting her kid steal my supplies from my patio, I send video footage and photos to the management and they end up being kicked out of the complex.

(source) story by (/u/MotherhoodEst2017)