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starlit-crossing · 23 days ago

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A Ghost of Yourself

Chapter 7 - Brotherly Bonding

Bruce hadn’t been thrilled when they returned later that afternoon. Luckily Danny didn’t have to deal with the fallout. Bruce was more relieved he had returned, than angry at his leaving. He gave him a look Danny was very familiar with and sent him to his room without a word. He didn’t care the mall had been fun, like afternoons spent with Sam and Tucker after school. The others watched him calmly walk up the stairs, stopping at the top to give them a thumbs-up before disappearing. The others were stuck under Bruce’s gaze.

“What were the four of you thinking? What made you think taking Danny out shopping was a good idea? He’s still a flight risk.” Bruce demanded.

“We get that Bruce, but it’s been two weeks since he got here. Have you talked to him? Gotten to know him?” Steph challenged.

“Steph’s right, he’s not going to want to stay if he feels ignored. Duke and Damian can’t be the only ones.” Tim added.

“If that was the case he wouldn’t have left the other homes. He’s trying to get somewhere, and we still don’t know enough about him to let him do whatever he wants.” Bruce sighed, head in his hand from stress.

“But letting him wander the grounds till he’s stir-crazy is better?” Tim scoffed. “We got more out of him just by talking than anything we’ve tried to garner from research.”

“Like what?” Bruce pressed.

“He has never heard of the Justice League,” Duke chimed in. “Anything about heroes really.”

“He seems to have a regular civilian life, video games, and friends. Not that he’d let much slip about the friends.” Steph added.

“He has shown immense interest in astronomy and aerial advancement.” Damian spoke up.

“It’s why we took him out, Bruce. We wanted to see if we gave a reason to want to stay, that he’d take it. The hope is eventually he won’t need strings attached.” Tim concluded.

“So, you took him out as a test.” Bruce looked amongst them reminded of how well he trained. “What did you promise him?”

“A tour of STAR Labs in Metropolis, to see the space exploration department.” Steph answered waiting for a familiar bat glare, instead, Bruce pondered the thought.

“I’ll allow it, but there should be more of you. What would happen if an incident were to occur while you were there? Who would make sure Danny was out of the way while the others went to help? I’ll reach out to Clark and see what I can do about a tour. It’s his city so he’ll be best as back up.” Bruce answered, tugging his phone from his pocket. The four of them were surprised but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Duke and Steph went off with their haul while Damian went to find Alfred the cat. Tim followed behind Bruce as he made his way to the study. He offered Tim a seat setting the phone aside.

“How was the mall?” Bruce smiled, taking his seat.

“It was fun, Danny seemed to have had a good time at least from what I could tell. Though something else happened I wanted to brief you on.” Tim answered, pulling out his phone.

“What did you find?” Bruce leaned over to get a closer look.

“So far, we know Danny was traveling to Gotham via a Greyhound, no city he’s passed through holds a record of someone named Danny or Daniel matching his description. The brands of the clothes he arrived in can only be found in the northeast side of the U.S.” Tim explained.

“What states does that leave us with?” Bruce asked.

“Everything west of Indiana, then Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Wisconsin, and Illinois. A burner phone was in his bag, but neither the phone nor the contacts within have ever been used. The location on the phone was turned off and didn’t ping until he entered Gotham.” Tim answered.

“Hmm… Any contacts on the phone?” Bruce inquired.

“Two numbers neither used and no location mentioned since purchase. It almost feels like he must live in an electronic blackout, but such things would’ve been noticed by now.” Tim rambled.

“How does this relate back to the mall?”

“The attention we garnered is something we’re all used to. It comes with the Wayne name. Danny actively hid from the cameras. Though not many were focused on him, one did catch something.” Tim turned the phone to Bruce showing the blurred image of Danny, his eyes a glow. The man’s face was unreadable as he looked at the phone. Then it shifted to a look only Tim could recognize; he’d seen it when Bruce brought in new members. Whether Danny liked it or not he was stuck with the Waynes at his side.

“Dick will be taking those who wish to go to STAR Labs. I’m sure Connor or Wally can tag along as backup.” He spoke leaning back in his seat. “Let’s also keep an eye on that photo, on the off chance anyone is able to recognize him.”

---

Bruce had given the green light to visit STAR Labs. They had a chaperone, Dick, who would be joining them. He was the eldest of the adopted children. Danny had seen Tim roll his eyes at the mention of the brother though a smile lit his face. Danny didn’t care though so long as he could go he was happy. They would head out the following weekend, anyone who wished to go could tag along.

So far it was just Tim, Duke, and someone named Cass. Damian and Steph had schoolwork and were unable to take the day off. Danny himself was buzzing with excitement, all week he had been in the library reading up on advancements he had missed because of hero work. They had images of black holes and had found so many lives amongst the stars. Danny had also taken the time to learn more about the Justice League.

There were way more than Danny had thought. So many Danny wondered how no one had heard of what happened in Amity Park. His entire town had been dragged into another dimension and were attacked on almost a weekly basis until recently. Way more than some of these other cities. Those cities did deal with crime he wasn’t used to, except for maybe robberies. They were human crimes, which dried up with the constant ghost attacks.

Nothing about his home, family, or hero life were online. Tourism was prominent for people visiting for work or on the way to Chicago. He could still picture the lawyer’s face when he saved him from getting hit by a truck when fighting Technus. It was so funny when he realized he was a ghost and not a normal hero. The only conclusion he could come up with was the Guys in White creating a media white out on Amity Park. Powerful people had an easy time silencing those who didn’t have a lot of eyes on them.

In comparison the whole world had their eyes on the Justice League, not just Earth but throughout space as well. This meant they also had the whole world on their back. The UN tracks the heroes across the world and will even try to keep them from getting involved. That shut down his hopes of getting help from the JL. If they were bound by the law and he approached them seeking help he would thrust onto the world stage.

The Anti-Ecto Control act would come up and he would be left just fighting for his right to exist. Still, he wanted to meet them at some point, especially Martian Manhunter. It would be amazing to meet him and learn about Mars, Superman too. Superman seemed to have similar powers to himself, mainly the flying and shooting lasers, but he could probably give him some tips.

Then there was the other teams, all young heroes just like him! Other kids his age doing hero work and getting to hang out. Red Robin and Robin were the most familiar as they were from Gotham. Steph and Duke were more than willing to tell him all about Gotham’s iconic bat family. They also skimmed over the Young Justice and the Teen Titans who were more popular online than the adult hero teams.

The Outsiders were the most recent of the teams, focused on public image alongside heroism. Danny had binged through their social media, spending many hours watching their videos. It gave him a peak into what being a hero was like for other teens. All of this filled out his week of waiting very well and let him get to know Damian and Duke more. Damian still had a wall up with him, but was willing to let him help with taking care of Titus, Alfred the cat and his other pets.

Hiding his emotions was easier now, he barely had to consciously focus on it. His emotions felt stronger too, due to being unable to express them he felt more. The excitement for the next day was almost too much at this point. It had been growing gradually throughout the week and was starting to make headway at dinner. Danny could feel the eyes on him as he wolfed down his food, delicious as always thanks to Alfred.

“Thanks for the food, I think I’m going to turn in early. See you all tomorrow!” Danny announced as he finished off his last bit of steak. Rushing out of the dining room to the stairs and back to his room. He changed quickly into pajamas and settled in for the night. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep right away so he opened the window letting the crisp fall air drift in while he turned on a movie on the computer.

The screams of the Tormentor filled the room, his eyes wandering from the screen every few minutes. At first it was his leg bouncing under the table, then a hang nail on his thumb, the sound of the leaves rustling outside. His eyes fell back on the window, rolling his swivel chair to face the rolling countryside. The lights of Gotham twinkling in the distance, a few bats swooping through the trees.

When was the last time he flew? The last time he just got to have fun with his ghost powers. His mind reached out to the ghost half of himself, it was still there buzzing with energy ready to go at moment’s notice. A light started to flitter through the trees along the main road. He leaned out the window, seeing if it would stop at the gate as it began to slow. As the car made its way down the drive, Danny felt his head bump against something rigid. Above him was the top of the open window, the floor serval inches below him.

A shout escaped his lips as he forced his flight off knocking the wind out of him as he landed halfway out the window. Scrambling back inside his room before the car parked in the drive.

---

“So, B wants you to babysit?” Jason Asked in between dodging goons.

“Yep, Red came up with the idea to take the kid on a field trip. Keep him entertained and wanted while he’s on house arrest.” Dick answered. “Apparently he’s a big space fan.”

The two of them were currently in Crime Alley raiding an old office building that had been coveted by a newly formed gang. Jason had little interest in the gang itself, but the group had been bragging about knowing everything that happens in the alley. Rumors had surfaced they got a hold of an old Black Mask info broker. So, Jason and Dick went out to raid the place, well Jason did Dick decided to tag along while Jason ignored him but it was progress. So far the man they’d been looking for was a no show, they had cleared the first two floors with little issue but were growing concerned as more members showed but not the target.

“In that case I’m guessing you’re bringing baby blue with you? I don’t wish to be you this weekend.” Jason laughed, chucking a man out the window.

Dick just gave him a look, “Are you serious?” the sibling just gave him a shrug as they pushed deeper up to the third floor. “Superboy is on holiday with Miss M, I thought of Kaldur or KF but they both are busy with family.”

“So that’s why you followed me out here, you want me to help watch the roamer.” Jason exclaimed.

“That isn’t why I came; I wanted to hang out and catch up on what’s happening at the Manor. You wanted to spend family bonding time beating up a gang.” Dick explained.

“What do you mean, that’s how we always bond in this family.” His brother defended kicking open the next door. The fourth floor was different than the others, it was quiet with an open floor plan with large floor-length windows. Crates and boxes with stacked around creating strange angles and cover.

“True, but if I needed backup for the kid I already have it since Orphan is tagging along.” Dick smiled. They crept forward, movement in the back of the room catching their eyes. The two nodded to each other before splitting up. Dick kept talking, keeping the stranger’s attention.

“I don’t really need an excuse to want to hang out with you do I, Little Wing?” he called, moving between the door and the unknown lurker. “I’m mean really it’s been ages, or maybe just a month. You should swing by more often, I know you can cook at least better than the rest of us.”

Finally, with the man cornered, Dick turned past a pile of crates to see a skinny stick of a man. His wiry frame was covered in tattoos with a large jacket hanging loose over his white tank. His dark hair slicked back with so much product it looked greasy and had a small trigger in his hand. He’d rigged this place to blow, and they were standing at the top of it. Before Dick could think any further, Jason was perched above the man ready to jump him.

He had to get the trigger away before Jason made a move, so he went off instinct and side kicked the trigger out of the man’s hand. Second the info broker let go Jason dove on him throwing both out the window. Dick fell to catch the trigger catching the piece just before the thing landed button first. The room felt too quiet after that, Dick was missing something during all the commotion. A crash was heard outside the building, Jason’s grappling hook couldn’t be seen outside.

Dick ran to the window to see two bodies lying on the ground in a pile of trash. Jason seemed to lay on top letting the broker take the brunt of the fall. Dick deactivated the trigger and followed down to check on the two.

“Hood! Are you alright? What happened?” Dick yelled rushing to his side, a groan met him as an answer. He checked Jason over before rolling him off the crushed man. Jason then proceeded to remove his helmet leaving him in his domino mask.

“Fucker decided that holding my arms as we fell was better than letting me save us from the fall. Is he dead?” Jason huffed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He looked over the man Jason landed on, surprisingly he was mostly fine outside a few broken bones.

“You definitely broke a rib or two, lucky for him he’s out cold.” Dick answered.

“Great, so I can kick him, and he should wake up!” Jason hissed, trying to move his foot but couldn’t get far.

“He needs to go to the hospital before any integration and we should get you back to the cave.” He ordered, calling over his car.

“Like hell! He was going to blow up an entire building, what for? He could’ve died in there with us, so he’s got something worth hiding.” His brother spat.

“You’re right, but if dies due to a punctured lung than he’ll be useless.”

“Fine.” Jason muttered.

“Good, I know you won’t like it but I’m going to have B look over your guy.” Dick began messaging Bruce through his arm communicator.

“Whatever, but if he wakes up have the kid interrogate. It’ll give him some practice.” Dick smiled at the suggestion of having Damian take lead.

“Sounds good, he’ll be glad to.” He grabbed Jason’s unhurt arm and helped him into the car as it pulled up to the alley.

As they reached home, Dick received confirmation that the broker had made it to the hospital alive. Bruce and Damian would be keeping tabs on him until he woke, but he wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. Jason on the hand kept insisting he was fine, but his attitude on the drive back suggested otherwise. With every tight turn or bump his face would strain and a curse would slip out.

It was a family trait at this point to pretend you were fine when you really needed rest. No one could stand being benched, but doing anything else would risk evoking Alfred’s wrath. As Dick approached the manor he could make out a figure in one of the upper floor windows. He couldn’t tell what they were doing but when the figure suddenly fell half way out the window he picked up on the gas.

By the time they were out front the figure was back inside, he wasn’t sure if it was Danny trying to escape again but it wasn’t the best time to go see. It wouldn’t make sense if Nightwing showed up with an injured crime lord to a billionaire’s house. Dick wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow. He’d ask around tomorrow if it could’ve been anyone else and put the alarms on alert.

Rolling into the garage and helping Jason to the Batcave didn’t take long, Alfred was waiting at the bottom to help. They wrapped a cast around Jason’s hairline fracture in his forearm where the brunt of the fall seemed to be. Luckily his only other injuries were a twisted ankle and some bruised ribs. Bedrest was Jason’s best bet despite the many complaints. Alfred went a head and helped the man to bed while Dick followed suit going to his old room.

It still amazed him that Bruce bothered to keep the rooms untouched. Though it’s not he had much of a chance to go through them. Bruce tended to acquire new bats effortlessly, often finding him before he could begin to miss the company. Alfred never dared move anyone out, even with Jason’s first death he just knew that we may need them again. With that thought Dick changed into some pajamas and crashed as his head hit the pillow.

---

Sleep was something hard to come by Danny knew this and still fought off slumber for as long as he could. Waiting for ages for someone, anyone to barge in and begin questioning him. For the GIW to smash through doors and windows, drag him away far from Wayne Manor and Amity Park. Nothing happened, no one rushed in and slowly the quiet of the night crept into the room. The only thing keeping him from panicking was the focus he held on to. He had to keep his breathing even, so deep in slumber back to the door only the dead could wake him kind of sleep.

Eventually it wasn’t an act, and sleep slowly stole him away from his adrenaline. Just a cozy comforter and bed spread, the sounds of the countryside and crickets easing the tension in his body. As night went on, Danny’s dreamless sleep got interrupted by the cool air as the comforter slipped away. Danny cracked open his eyes to find himself waist deep through the ground floor.

“Ah!” Danny yelped pulling himself back up out of the floor.

“What is going on?” he whispered to himself. “I’ve been good, doing so good. I should have control.” He needed to think, this hadn’t happened in so long why would it come back. What would his parents think? Wait, that was a dark path and heavily biased. What would Jazz think?

She’d probably say it had to do with bottling his emotions, keeping everything in and making his powers unstable. It wouldn’t be the first time his powers had acted up due to his emotions and Jazz tended to focus on the psychological. It felt wrong, like the answer was deeper than that. Could Clockwork know? Would he help? he thought.

“Clockwork? Any chance of some cryptic wisdom?” Silence was the only answer Danny received. “Should have known, when has he ever stepped in to help when I ask for it.”

With a huff, he decided to forgo his mysterious power instability questions for now. He would just be extra careful; the others would be suspicious if he suddenly refused to go to STAR Labs and it may be a good distraction if he needed. Danny meandered down the hall to the kitchen, hopefully a snack would help him back to sleep. As the door swung open he came face to face with a stranger.

He was taller than any of the Waynes aside from Bruce, a cereal bowl balanced a top a cast as he froze midbite. His hair was black with a white streak dressed in plaid pajamas and a shirt that read Don’t be a “Dick”ens. Danny opened his mouth to speak but felt a familiar chill creep up and out of his mouth in a frosted breath.

The man before him was a ghost, he looked too normal how was he a ghost. Was he like Spectra or Johnny 13 hiding amongst humans gaining power on their emotions. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions but based on the man’s expression he knew Danny wasn’t human. Whether this was a relief for the ghost he couldn’t decide, but as the spoon fell from his hand Danny was already out the door.

“Wait!” The stranger yelled, the sounds of dishes falling could be heard behind him, but he didn’t dare look back as he dashed to his room.

---

Hello people of the internet! Spring break is near for me, so I’ve finally gotten to work on chapters! I had some more written for this but decided to save it as a head start for chapter 8 so I can hopefully get the next chapter out sooner. I’ve been loving the comments and hype, I can’t wait to see how everyone feels about this chapter.

I’m not sure if anyone else has this issue with their fics, I’m not sure if it’s bots or actual people but I’ve been receiving messages that are basically ads for artists to make art and comics of my story if I pay them. I understand promoting and advocating for yourself as an artist and your artwork but it definitely feels like automated bot messages and it only seems to occur on Fanfiction.net for me. I go into it deeper on fanfiction.net, but in the meantime I hope you all enjoy the story, and I’ll see you next time! Byee!

Master post - Chapter 6 Prev. <<< Next >>>

#fanfic writing #dc x dp #fanfics #dc x dp crossover #danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction

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chiefruinsfury · 2 months ago

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Unprecedented levels of corruption at USAID

In a post on the social media outlet Truth Social on 7 February, Trump said that USAID funds were being used in a way that was ‘completely inexplicable’ and that much of it was fraudulent. ‘The level of corruption is unprecedented, SHUT IT DOWN!�� he emphasised in all capital letters.

The official U.S. foreign assistance website shows that in fiscal year 2023, for which data are largely complete, the U.S. government distributed about $72 billion in foreign aid, or 1.2 percent of total federal spending that year. Of that, about 60 per cent, totalling about $43.79 billion, went to USAID, followed closely by the State Department ($21.29 billion) and the Treasury Department ($2.44 billion).

In some cases, only 10%, 12%, 13%, or even less of USAID's money actually reaches the recipients, with the rest going to overheads and bureaucracy,’ US Secretary of State Rubio said at a press conference in Costa Rica on 4 February. U.S. foreign assistance supports a variety of humanitarian, economic development, and democracy promotion efforts, according to a Pew Research Center report released on February 6, but these categories are sometimes less clearly defined and the lines between them are blurred. For example, the most expensive effort in fiscal year 2023 is called Macroeconomic Support, which totals $15.9 billion. This may sound like it's all for economic development, but $14.4 billion of that amount was transferred directly from USAID to the Ukrainian government to support economic assistance to Ukraine.

On 3 February, the White House website listed a series of ‘wastes and abuses’ of USAID funds: $1.5 million to a pro-LGBTQ group in Serbia, $2.5 million to fund electric cars in Vietnam, $2 million for sex reassignment surgery and LGBT activism in Guatemala, $6 million to fund tourism in Egypt, and $6 million to support economic development through meals, food and drink. Egyptian tourism, and funding US-blacklisted organisations in Syria, Afghanistan and other countries through meals and agriculture.

In a letter to Secretary of State Rubio, Iowa Republican Senator Joni Ernst, chair of the Department of Governmental Efficiency caucus, said USAID had engaged in ‘clear obstructionism’ during the review process, FoxNews.com reported on 5 February. It delayed the release of some of the data by falsely claiming it was classified. Ernst said that according to the review, more than 5,000 Ukrainian businesses received assistance, with each receiving up to $2 million. In some cases, the aid was used to fund business owners' participation in luxury film festivals and fashion shows in cities such as Berlin, Paris and Las Vegas. Ernst also mentioned Chemonics, a USAID contractor that led a $9.5 billion project to improve the global health supply chain. Ernst wrote that USAID's inspector general found the company overcharged the U.S. government by $270 million in fiscal year 2019.

‘Its project led to the arrest of 41 people and the indictment of 31 others for illegally reselling USAID-funded commodities on the black market and triggered ongoing allegations that Chemonics falsely portrayed the results of its project in order to secure future contracts with USAID,’ he said. ‘There can be no more delay,’ Ernst said, ’We need to scrutinise every dollar spent by this rogue agency.’

#sugardaddyUSA

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purplepainterbouquet · 2 months ago

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Unprecedented levels of corruption at USAID

#sugardaddyUSA

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arlana-likes-to-write · 8 months ago

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Lightning Bug - Chapter 30

Masterlist

Warnings: mention of past trauma, mention of death, lots of fluff

Note: Hey guys. Remember me? Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I guess recovering from surgery took a lot of me and I have felt very burned out. But I am gonna try to finish this year off strong with a lot of stories for you all. I have a lot left planed for Lighting Bug so it's not going anywhere! Thank you all for your patience and enjoy!

Word count: 3.3K

You were shocked that you woke up before Melina. The older Black Widow was always in the kitchen making breakfast or getting the house in order before everyone woke up. The kitchen was empty, and you were ready to cook. Slipping on an apron, you opened the fridge to see what you had to work with. There were eggs, sausage, and milk. You knew there was flour so you could make pancakes.

With a plan in mind, you began to cook. The kitchen was your safe space. You were only allowed in the kitchen when the house was empty. It was only then you were indeed safe and free. You were waiting for the pan to heat up when you heard Melina’s footsteps behind you. She walked differently than Alexei and Natasha. Her footsteps were softer, and you had to listen to them. “Why are you cooking food?”

“You know, most people are grateful for a free meal,” you teased, smiling over your shoulder. The woman was frowning with her arms crossed. I like cooking,” you shrugged. It’s a good reminder that I’m safe. I know it sounds stupid.”

“Do you need help?” You shook your head as you poured the pancake mixture into the pan. You heard her move behind you and smelt coffee grounds as she started a fresh pot. “It is not stupid,” she said. “I like to go on walks in the woods as a reminder,” you flip the pancake and bite the inside of your cheek. Before moving to the tower, cooking meant something different to you. It meant you were alone. It meant you were able to live another day. Now, you weren’t alone. There was no longer an intense hunger that kept you up at night. You were full. Anytime you wanted a snack, you could get one.

When you cooked at the tower, your friends joined you. The kitchen was filled with laughter and smiles, a reminder that you weren’t surviving but living. “Actually,” you said. Do you want to start on the eggs? I was thinking we could do scramble.” You looked over your shoulder and saw the older Black Widow nod.

“It’s good that you can cook,” she said. “Natasha is not good,” you laughed. Wanda told you about the time the redhead almost burnt down the kitchen. Cooking with Melina was different. You worked in silence for the most part, but sometimes, she would ask you questions about living in the tower. It was nice. You were going to miss it.

Natasha prided herself on being a morning person. She liked to have the morning to start her day on the right foot. However, that changed when she was in Iowa or Russia. The morning was for extra cuddles with Wanda and catching up on sleep. Still, her body liked to betray her as she woke up naturally. She groaned, buried her face in the space between Wanda’s shoulder and neck, and breathed in her natural scent. Not wanting to wake her girlfriend, she pulled herself out of bed. They had a few hours before they had to make the trip back to the city. She rubbed her eyes and made sure to close the door quietly. The quietness of her bedroom was a stark contrast to the rest of the house.

Laughter echoed against the walls, a mixture of Alexei’s and her daughter’s. Sighing, she walked towards the sound and found the kitchen in complete disarray. She could tell breakfast was trying to be made, but Alexei was making it complicated. Flour was thrown around and covered the counter tops, the super soldier, and the young girl. “Dedushka (grandpa),” she whined. “You have to keep the flour in the bowl, or we aren’t going to have any pancakes.”

“Of course, oshibka (bug), I understand,” Natasha saw the wink he gave to Melina as he whipped the mixture, and it went flying. The kitchen devolved into shrieks and laughter. Natasha walked over to Melina, who was spotless and sipping her coffee. A soft smile was on her face.

“I guess breakfast might be delayed,” Natasha joked. The young girl looked up at the sound of her voice and waved.

“Morning Nat!”

“Good morning, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug). Are you having fun?” She nodded and focused back on the task. “Sorry about the mess. We’ll clean it before we leave,” Melina waved her off.

“It is good for the home,” Natasha looked confused. “Laughter,” Melina smiled. “It is good.”

Goodbyes were something you never had to do. Before the Avengers, there was no one you had to say goodbye to besides your brother before this new life you were living. So now goodbyes were hard even though there was a promise to see them again. Alexei hugged you tightly, and Melina kissed your forehead softly. You knew at that moment you hated goodbyes. You boarded the jet with Natasha and Wanda (Kate and Yelena were visiting some nearby Widows). You sat with your backpack between your feet as the couple ran through the pre-flight procedures. The backpack was heavier compared to when you first arrived in Russia. Melina gave you a few Russian treats you discovered you liked. She said if you needed more, call her, and she will send more.

However, you found the object that contributed to the extra weight. A bottle of vodka with a note from Alexei -‘Drink responsibility.’ You laughed and shook your head. That man was anything but responsible. “What are you laughing at back there?” Wanda asked. You zipped up your backpack, unbuckled your seat belt, and approached them. You knelt between the two seats.

“Alexei is funny,” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“That is one way to describe that man,” you giggled as Wanda playfully slapped Natasha on the arm.

“Did you have fun?” You nodded.

“I did! I’m excited to go back home, though,” you frowned suddenly. A weird feeling washed over you. It was hard to place. It felt like guilt. Wanda showed you the place where she grew up. You met Natasha’s parents and visited two places she called home. Was it your turn to show them where you lived?

“Hey,” you felt Wanda’s fingers run up and down your arm. “Where did you go just now?” You let out a shaky breath and focused on the window. It seemed easier to focus on that than the turmoil in your mind.

“I have an odd request,” you spoke slowly. The last thing you wanted to do was offend them. “When we return to the city, can I show you where I grew up?” Your question was meant with silence, which worsened the anxiety that swirled in your stomach. “You know what, never mind,” you stood up. “Forget I said anything.” Before you could return to your seat, Wanda grabbed your wrist and kept you in place.

“Why do you want to go back there?” You kept your eyes on her hand, but there was no malice in her voice, just curiosity. You sighed.

“Feels right,” you whispered. “Feels like I need to close that chapter of my life.” Wanda slowly let go of your wrist. “I never went back. I need to see it.” You heard Natasha let out a shaky breath.

“If it’s something you want to do, then we can,” you nodded and whispered a small thanks before heading back to your seat.

Wanda watched the girl return to her seat and grab her headphones and Walkman. Her eyes were closed as she listened to whatever song was playing. “Should we be worried?” Natasha’s question drew her gaze back to the front. “Why would she want to go back there?” It was a good question that Wanda wasn’t sure the answer to. Showing her Sokovia or meeting Natasha’s parents stirred something inside her.

“I don’t think we have to worry about it,” Wanda answered. She saw the question on the Black Widow’s face. Wanda was proud of her growth over the years. She had a good handle on her powers. Sometimes, there were mistakes, especially when someone welcomed her powers. That was happening now. She stayed on the outside of the dream she found herself in. It was simple: a team dinner at the tower with the Bartons and Alexei and Melina. She pulled out of it to not invade her privacy. “Because she’s happy, and she’s dreaming of us. Her family.”

When you touched down at the tower and left your bags on the jet, you quickly turned around. You followed the couple to the garage in silence and only spoke when they asked if you were hungry. You were, but the idea of eating anything made you nauseous. Still, they stopped at a pizza place and ordered you a slice of pepperoni. It smelt amazing, but the only thing you could stomach was the pepperoni.

A weird pressure started forming at the base of your skull as Natasha began to drive towards your home as if someone was watching you. They tried to fill the silence with conversation or music from the radio. It was all white noise to you while you played with the necklace America gave you and questioned your decision to do this. You kept reminding yourself that he was gone. That he could no longer hurt you like before. This whole thing may be a stupid idea.

Soon, the world that passed by the window began to look familiar but different. It was strange to be in a place you once knew. The houses had a fresh coat of paint. New flowers were planted under the windows. New families made the street their home. When Natasha parked in front of a garden that once was your family home, the air seemed knocked out of your lungs. Wanda unbuckled her seat belt and turned around to face you. “The city never rebuilt here. So the community built a garden,” you nodded.

A metal fence was built around the perimeter with a few benches and flowers inside. You could make out a small fountain from the car. If Leah were alive she would have liked it. You would see her planting her flowers in the backyard during the summer. “You don’t have to get out of the car,” you looked at Natasha. “We can drive around and go back home.” But you wanted to get out of the car. You wanted to prove that this place had no power over you.

Without a word, you undid your seat belt and exited the car. You looked up and down the street, seeing a few kids enjoying the sun. A shiver went down your spine when you saw the white church standing tall. You walked towards the garden, not waiting for the couple to get out of the car. By the entrance, there was a plaque, and you knelt to read it.

‘In loving memory of Johnathan and Leah, whose kindness, wisdom, and unwavering dedication to our community will forever bloom in the hearts of those who knew them. This garden is a testament to their enduring legacy, a place of peace and reflection for all.’

One of the biggest lessons you learned with Vision was that history was told by those who controlled the narrative. Every lesson should be taken with a grain of salt. It was no surprise that the community saw Johnathan as a hero. He controlled the narrative, and he erased you from it.

You heard Natasha kneel next to you and rested your head on her shoulder. “These people will never know what he did to me,” you whispered. Part of me wonders if they would believe me if I told them how much of a monster their beloved pastor was,” the Black Widow sighed and kissed the top of your head.

“What would you gain if they knew?” she asked, and you had no good answer for her. Validation? Revenge? “We believe you,” you knew they did, but it was nice to hear. You stood up and walked into the garden. At each bench you passed, you recognized the names engraved from the church. At least the plaque outside was right about one thing: There was a sense of peace surrounded by the flowers.

A strange juxtaposition caused a pit to form in your stomach. How could a place filled with horrors be transformed into a place of beauty? You and this plot of land had more in common than you thought. A metamorphosis occurred, and you haven’t been the same since the last time you were here. “Are you okay?” Wanda asked with her arms crossed.

“I am,” you stopped in front of a yellow and black flower. “Thank you for bringing me here,” The witch smiled.

“You are a powerful girl,” you smiled back and touched the flower.

“I’m ready to go home,” you said and ripped the flower off the stem. Wanda put her arm around you and led you out of the garden, where Natasha was waiting for you. She greeted you with a smile and opened the door for you. Maybe one day you would return, but for now, you were ready to leave this part of your life in the past.

With your backpack still on, you took the stairs to your floor. All you wanted was to lay in bed and not move for the rest of the day. But your body had other ideas. Instead of going to your room, you stood in front of America. You only had to knock once before the door swung open, and America ran into you. “You’re home,” she hugged you tight. There was a weight on your shoulders, a heaviness that followed you from your old life to the tower. It disappeared in America’s arms. You melted against her.

“Yeah, I’m home,” you whispered. She pulled you into her room and closed the door. With little thought, you dropped your back and sat on her bed. She was quick to join you.

“So,” she smiled. “Is Alexei as crazy as Kate and Yelena make him out to be?” You laughed at the mention of the man.

“I don’t think stories can do that man justice,” you began to tell her all about your time at the Russian farmhouse. Once you were done, your hand was in hers, and you played with the ring on her fingers that matched the ones in your bag. “I missed you,” you admitted. “Russia and Iowa are nice, but they aren’t the city.” She smiled.

“I missed you too,” she said, pulling you in for another hug and lying against her pillows. You went with her and rested your head on her stomach. “And I’m not letting you go. We have shows and movies to watch,” you laughed.

“Sounds good to me.”

Wanda made Natasha promise she would be nice and calm and that no harm would come to him or herself. She couldn’t break that promise, especially the one she had made to Wanda. Even though a rage was building inside, she wasn’t sure who would be in the crossfire. The AI told the Black Widow that Vision was alone in the library. Perfect. She entered the room, quietly opening the door and closing it behind her. “Mrs. Romanoff,” the android looked up from the book he was reading. “How was your trip?” Natasha locked the door. “Are you okay?” He closed the book. “I sense some hostility” was one way to look at it. Placing the book on the side table, and stood up. “That is directed at me.” Well, as her sister said, he was smart for a glorified toaster oven. Natasha let her arms fall to the side.

“I like you, Vision,” was the truth. He was an important part of the team. Even though he harbored feelings for Wanda, he never acted on them. She could count the times he’d saved her on both hands.

“That provides no comfort when you look at me like that,” Natasha couldn’t help but smile. She closed the remaining distance between them.

“You endangered my kid,” he looked confused, and then the realization washed over him. It was funny to watch the color drain from his face.

“Natasha,” the Black Widow’s tough act almost crumpled when he said her first name—the android rarely said it. “I would never endanger her life. She is my friend.” She gave him a firm shove on his chest and fell back into the chair with a soft ‘huf.’

“Then why let her touch that fucking stone?” She pointed to it and had to stop herself from flicking it as she did to Yelena. Vision gripped the armrest but finally relaxed.

“Because I knew it wouldn’t have hurt her,” Natasha stepped back, allowing him the space to gather his thoughts. He opened and closed his hands a few times. “I understand how it looks, but I think the stone needs her. It chose her like it chose me,” the Black Widow frowned.

“Why won’t it tell you what’s going on?” She questioned. Vision sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Maybe the stone believes she is the only one that can stop what’s coming.”

You weren’t sure why you couldn’t fall asleep. No matter how many times you twisted and turned, you could not get comfortable. Sighing, you climbed out of bed and walked to the kitchen. You started a cup of tea and waited for the water to bowl. The past few days were a whirlwind. Now, you were exhausted, and there was no time to relax. Tomorrow, the Young Avengers were coming to the tower. You were excited, but still, your social battery was dilapidated. Still, you were grateful for the trip.

“Hey,” you jumped, and the hot water splashed on your hand. “Sorry,” Natasha handed you a towel. I didn’t mean to startle you. Can’t sleep either?” You whipped off your hand and the water that got onto the counter. You shook your head and sipped on your tea. “Me neither. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about,” you admitted. “The past few days were a lot. I feel-”

“Overwhelmed,” you nodded. “I understand,” she kissed the top of your head. “Finish your tea, then come with me.” You drank it quickly and left the mug in the sink to be dealt with in the morning. Wordlessly, she put her arm over your shoulders and led you to her room.

Wanda was asleep when you entered their bedroom, and you looked at Natasha. She nodded, saying it was okay, and you climbed into the middle. Immediately, the witch moved so you could rest your head on her chest and looked at Natasha. The Black Widow sat on the edge of her side of the bed. She looked tired and a little stressed. You noticed it when you had the team dinner. Gently, she cupped your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” it was the truth, but you frowned. “Are you okay? You seem stressed,” she smiled and chuckled slightly.

“You are to perspective for your own good,” she tapped your nose. “I’m okay, dorogoy. Just tired.”

“Then go to sleep, you two,” Wanda mumbled. You glanced at the witch, and her eyes were still closed. “Talk about the secrets of the universe in the morning,” Natasha chuckled and lay down on the bed.

“Sorry, Wanda.” You smiled, felt the witch’s lips on your forehead, and closed your eyes. A nagging feeling grew in your stomach. Natasha was holding something back. You wished you could take the weight of the world off her shoulders.

taglist: @aestruvx, @toouncreativeforausername, @modedddd, @julilamoment, @mythixmagic, @yourmamacom, @vicmc624, @cherlenovix, @liliesandrosies, @whitewidowsbite, @clintsbigtoe, @blackbirdv98 @arualdcg@yoyo-w @natbelovasblog, @johnnyhulu, @blackwidow-3, @theenglishswiftie, @faith-olsen

#lightning bug #wandanat x reader #wandanat x daughter #wandanat x y/n #wandanat x you #wandanat #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff x reader

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martinsluvr · 1 year ago

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coffee and basketball

pairing: kate martin x fem reader! 2022-2023 season!

warnings: fluff! friends to lovers trope!? small mention of drinking! mentions of anxiety/fear of love!

authors note: pls be gentle this is my first fic

—

dec 5th 2022 ~ post iowa win against iowa state (dec 4th). score 70-57. kate martin with 13 points.

reader’s pov

the energy in iowa city was booming after last night’s win. i’ve been working at this coffee shop in iowa city since my freshman year of college and i’ve become accustomed to talking “game talk” my entire shift the day after a game, and if any of the players decide to stop in to do homework or for a quick drink, i sympathize as i watch them get trapped into nonstop conversations about basketball. iowa city is extremely proud of and cherishes our women’s basketball team, and quite frankly you never hear the end of it when you’re living here.

our coffee shop gets quite busy everyday, and my shift passes by with ease. as i’m finishing making the last order i took before clocking out, i see two familiar blondes walk in.

“hiiii!!! great game you guys!! your usuals today?”

“hey y/n thank you, yes please! how are you? when are you actually going to come to a game in person!” monika exclaimed. after working here for so long, we’ve developed a genuine friendship, sometimes catching up for a drink or just enjoying each other’s company in our apartments.

“i know, i know.. i promise i will before the season ends!” i laughed as i made their drinks. “kate, you did really good last night, i really wish i could’ve been there”.

i could see kate blushing out of the corner of my eye as I finished making their drinks, and monika nudging her. “y/n i am going to drag you to the next home game myself, kate always looks around and hopes you’re the-“ monika was interrupted by kate obnoxiously faking a cough attack. i laughed, blushing and handed them their drinks. as i handed kate her drink, our fingertips slightly touched and we made eye contact.

“in the meantime maybe we can go to open gym tonight? i can rebound for you and give you time to reenact some of your moves from the game for me” i said as i smiled up at kate with my eyebrows raised. although i was NOT short, yet kate disagrees, she was still 8 inches taller than me as I stood at 5’4. “we can meet at my apartment at 6 if you’re up for it”.

kate knew what i was doing. i knew what i was doing.

kate’s pov

my palms were immediately sweating. i looked down at her and honestly just forgot every single thing she’s said since i walked in because i cannot stop looking at her eyes and how well they compliment her dark hair, she just dyed it - i can tell. My eyes scan over her exposed tattoos on her arm and i quickly look back into her eyes so i don’t look like more of a creep than i already do.

“6pm is good. i’ll be there. at 6”, i tried playing it cool. she laughed, shaking her head and saying her quick goodbyes as she had to rush to her 2 o’clock class.

“you know you said 6 twice. i think she knew what time considering SHE asked YOU” monika explained while almost tumbling over laughing. “i mean kate, you should’ve seen your face. you two have been doing this for a year now. why have you not made a move on her? she’s clearly interested in you”

i sighed, “monika I don’t know. i really do like her but it’s just scary. i don’t know if i can commit to something, especially right now. basketball is our life and how will someone ever be able to fall in love with me if i can only see them for a few hours a week?” monika rubbed my shoulder and brought me in for a hug.

“just because you are a D1 athlete does not mean this is your entire life. you still deserve to have a life outside of basketball, and if anyone, she would be the most understanding” monika said, “you’ve got to make a move before she gives up. i know she’s into you kate. you deserve to feel and be loved”.

she really always was right.

we spent the rest of the day doing homework together and making lunch. as it got closer to 6, i could feel the knots in my stomach getting worse. luckily, we lived in the same apartment complex so it was a quick walk to her apartment.

5:55pm and i’m already at her door. is that too early? too desperate?

i knock a few times to let her know i’m here. i could just say i came early so i could see her cats

i looked down twiddling my thumbs, patiently waiting.

“coming!” i heard faintly from her apartment. she opened the door and quickly embraced me.

“kate hi! i just have to feed my cats before we leave so just come in for a minute” she said while frantically trying to feed her cats before they tried jumping into the food. i stepped into her apartment and patiently waited, laughing as her cats were jumping up her legs and meowing.

“you know, i’ve always been a dog person but i love your cats. they are just so adorable and have such a personality” i remarked.

“hah yeah, you can take them whenever. they are the best for cuddling but feeding them is still terrifying” she laughed.

she collected her bag, which i offered to hold, her water bottle and keys. we locked up her apartment and walked down to her car.

“midnights?” we asked in unison, both laughing after realizing we jinxed each other. i adore that she loves taylor swift almost as much as i do. i plugged in my phone to her aux and shuffled the album. as we started driving to our practice gym, i couldn’t help but steal glances at her, imagining what it would be like if we were more than friends, if i wasn’t so scared, i thought. i wouldn’t be afraid to hold her hand or her thigh while one of us drives. i wouldn’t be afraid to kiss her at every red light. i wouldn’t be afraid of love with her.

we pulled into the parking lot and i quickly grabbed both of our bags, and we made our way inside. no one had the practice gym booked for tonight, so it was just us. i put in my code to enter the gym, and we settled our stuff down.

“so.. what are we doing today coach kate” she smiled widely at me. i grinned and grabbed the rack of basketballs, pulling it next to the free throw line.

“well, let’s work on some free throw shots first”.

reader’s pov

after an hour of rebounding for kate and even taking some shots for myself, i decided to line myself up at the free throw line. i was never one to play sports, but i’ve always loved watching them. i’ve always been so jealous of people’s hand-eye coordination, as it never seemed to work for me which led to me burying myself in studies and clubs for years.

i try to fix my form like kate taught me, then launched it.

miss.

again, i grabbed another ball and launched it.

miss.

and again, and again. miss. miss. miss.

kate stifled a laugh watching me, and as i turned to glare at her she put her arms up in surrender.

“here, let me help you. we’ve already gone over this y/n, are you missing on purpose?” she questioned. i shook my head, my breath getting faster the closer she got to me. i faced the basket with the ball in my hands hoping to hide my blush.

“here, move over a little” kate said as she put her hands on my waist, moving me to the right a little. “now put your right hand here, and your left hand here” she said as she guided my hands from behind. all i could focus on was her breath on my neck and how close our bodies were without touching. “now shoot”

straight net.

“see! you can do it! but, can you guard me?” she questioned as she quickly knocked the new ball out of my hands, dribbling away from me.

“kate, of course i can guard you” i laughed chasing after her. we played 1 on 1 for a few minutes, her scoring on me multiple times and me not even able to keep the ball in my hands for more than a minute. as i jumped up to block her shot, i tumbled over her as we both fell to the ground. her arms were quick to grab my waist to ensure i fell on her instead of the hard wood court.

“kate!” i exclaimed laughing, “you could’ve hurt yourself and lisa would have actually hunted me down and killed me!”

we were both laughing as i rolled off of her and laid next to her on the ground. she turned over to look at me with a wide smile. we grabbed each other’s hands as we helped each other up, yet i stumbled into her again.

“a little clumsy tonight aren’t we?” she teased. her hands hesitant to continue holding my waist as we stood centimeters apart.

“i guess you just make me a little nervous” i confidently stated. our eyes stayed locked in for a minute, and for a split second i swore i saw her look at my lips, until she quickly pulled away almost breaking out in a sprint to our bags.

“we should get going, the janitors will be here soon to start locking up” she hurriedly said.

with a heavy sigh, i walked towards the exit grabbing my keys and water bottle as we made our way to the exit.

the car ride to the apartment complex was silent. i felt uneasy. is it me? is she just not into me? i thought. as i pulled in to my spot, kate offered to walk me back up to my apartment. the walk was long,

and silent. as i got to my door, i pulled out my key as fast as i could to unlock the door. “thank you for walking me kate, goodnight” i said as i tried rushing into my apartment. before i could shut my door, she put her hand out to hold it open”

“wait y/n,” she hesitated, “there’s been something i’ve been meaning to do for a while now”. kate strides towards me, reaching out to put one hand on my hip and one hand on my check, quickly pulling me up towards her and before i knew it, she kissed me.

she really kissed me.

her lips were soft. i could feel our smiles through the kiss and my heart nearly beating out of my chest, i wonder if she felt it too. kate pulled away first, looking down at me smiling, moving both hands to my cheeks.

“goodnight y/n” she said as she kissed my forehead. she backed away towards the door, and left before i could say a word.

i sheepishly slid my back down the cold wooden front door and made my way down to the floor. between the heat on my cheeks, tingling sensation on my lips, and the sound of my heartbeat thumping through my chest, nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. i delicately brought my finger to my lips, trying to relive the feeling through the sensations. my cheeks were hot and hurting. 'have I ever smiled this big in my life?', I thought. my legs slightly shaking as i slowly got up, making my way through my apartment to my bedroom. everything was bright even with all of my lights off. i sat down at my vanity, staring at myself in the mirror. through the slight shine of the exposed moonlight, i could see the red and pink flush all over my face. my phone buzzed in my sweater pocket.

i had a great time, the text read, see you tmrw for my usual? :)

i held the phone to my chest tightly, feeling the coldness of the screen through my clothes, but nothing else was cold. everything was warm because she kissed me.

#kate martin #kate martin imagines #iowa wbb #iowa hawkeyes #wcbb

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farcillesbian · 2 months ago

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things I'm looking forward to about my road trip:

going through states I've never been in before (liquid, gas, plasma if I'm lucky... er. I mean. Maine, New York, Maryland, Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri, Iowa)

Wawa 😁😁 also gonna check out Sheetz..

sleeping in my trunk for the first time at some of my stops, hopefully! I've been wanting to test out how nice it is with how the seats flatten out in the Outback.

driving along the Blue Ridge Mountains!

hitting many of the places mentioned in the song wagon wheel

DIRTY SODA... I have bookmarked every dirty soda shop along my route and will try to stop at each one. because I'm a freak who loves creamy pop.

good Mexican food... I want a burrito

going to Nashville and having a hot chicken sandwich and maybe getting to catch some live music

trying toasted ravioli in st Louis !!

Kansas City BBQ 🤤

Kwik Trip in the Midwest...

driving thru Badlands in the winter

maybe devil's tower in winter..

Montana in winter 😁 and hopefully it'll be nice enough weather to take the more scenic route to Canada!

Southern Alberta.... I haven't really ever been, I don't think

staying overnight at friends' houses for like half my stops (a couple of them i get to meet for the first time!! yay 😊)

getting the good ice at gas stations >:)

things I'm not looking forward to:

99% sure I'm getting my period right when my trip starts😭

also border crossings. I'm crossing 4 times 🥴

#petchyposting

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bishovapls · 18 days ago

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Hold On - Part 2: Widow's don't have feelings...do they?

Pairing: Yelena Belova & Kate Bishop

Chapter Summary: Kate and Yelena head to the Bartons' farm, but things aren't as simple as they hoped. Yelena starts to feel something she can't quite name while Kate’s emotions are all over the place, a storm she can’t seem to control. It’s messy, raw, and neither of them know how to handle it. Meanwhile, Laura’s watching them like a hawk, when she notices something could be brewing between Kate and Yelena.

Warnings: mentions of previous suicide attempt, Red Room abuse (mention of punishments but barely), so much crying it is actually painful (and dramatic tbh), Alcohol use.

A/N: This chapter is like 95% Yelena's POV, hope you’re not mad about that! And seriously, it’s way more angsty than I intended. I didn’t mean for them to spend most of the chapter in tears, but here we are. Word count: 16k

P.S: So, according to Google Maps, it takes about 16 hours to drive from New York to Iowa. So I had them drive for 16 hours, so if that's totally wrong, blame Google Maps, I'm just a Brit who has no clue about America!

Part 2 begins below the cut, you can also find the fic on AO3. I also have a masterlist.

Part 1 here.

The road stretched out before them, the city lights fading in the distance as Yelena and Kate finally got on their way. They had taken one of Eleanor’s many cars, a sleek, expensive thing that Kate barely even recognised. Yelena had chosen it for the space, it was big enough that they wouldn’t feel cramped, and wouldn’t be forced into close quarters for hours on end, especially when Lucky joined them on the way back.

Yelena had taken the first shift driving, a decision that made sense since Kate was still battling the worst hangover of her life. But what Kate hadn’t noticed was the exhaustion shadowing Yelena’s features. She hadn’t slept. Yelena didn't bring it up either, well not after the brief mention this morning. Yelena had survived on days without sleep, she wasn't about to let one night slow her down, even if she wasn't as young and resilient as she used to be. Kate was already a mess, and Yelena wasn’t about to add to that.

Kate slumped against the passenger seat, arms crossed over her stomach as if she could physically hold herself together. Every bump in the road, every sudden stop, every slight turn sent another fresh wave of nausea rolling through her. It didn’t matter that she had eaten, that she had chugged water, that she had taken a shower in an attempt to reset, nothing helped. She felt like death. Worse than death. And judging by the way Yelena kept sneaking glances at her, Kate knew she looked as awful as she felt.

Music played softly through the speakers, a quiet attempt to fill the silence between them, but Yelena wasn’t stupid. She could see how miserable Kate was, see the way her face had lost all colour, the way her body tensed every time the car shifted slightly. With a sigh, she reached forward and turned the volume down even further before glancing over at her properly.

“Kate Bishop,” she said, voice softer than usual. “Why don’t you close your eyes and sleep?”

Kate shook her head instantly which was a big mistake. The movement sent her stomach flipping violently, her headache pulsing harder in response, and she swallowed thickly against the nausea. “I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth, blinking rapidly to keep herself from throwing up.

Yelena didn’t buy that for a second. She studied Kate for a moment longer, her sharp eyes scanning the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers clenched around her stomach. And then, just as casually, she asked, “Are you scared of having a nightmare?”

Kate’s head snapped up, her whole body stiffening. Shit. I can’t let her know I have nightmares. She already probably thinks I’m pathetic.

The thought was instant, automatic. She didn’t want Yelena to see her as any weaker than she already felt. She had already embarrassed herself enough, first on the rooftop, then with her drunken confessions, then waking up to find Yelena had babysat her all night. If Yelena knew how often she woke up gasping for breath, her heart hammering in her chest, her mind tangled in memories she couldn’t escape, she would never let Kate live it down.

“I don’t have nightmares,” Kate said smoothly, keeping her voice as even as possible. And to her own surprise, it actually sounded convincing.

But Yelena wasn’t stupid. “Kate, you had one last night,” she pointed out, her brows pulling together in concern. It was only now, watching Kate’s confusion, that she realised she must have forgotten. A fresh wave of worry crashed over her. How much had Kate actually drank last night? Yelena’s mind immediately began sifting through why her memory had so many gaps.

Kate, meanwhile, kept her expression neutral. She could not let Yelena see the panic bubbling up inside her. “Oh, did I?” she said, she was actually surprised that she had a nightmare and didn't remember.

“Huh. Never had them before. Must’ve been the alcohol.” She delivered the lie so smoothly, so calmly, that even Yelena, who had spent years reading people, picking apart their weaknesses didn’t immediately catch it. She should have. But she was distracted and tired, and part of her wanted to believe Kate wasn’t waking up in terror every night.

“Oh.” Yelena hummed slightly, processing that. “Well, that is good, then.” She shifted, her grip relaxing on the steering wheel just a little. “So in that case, why won’t you sleep?”

Kate smirked slightly to herself. She had never been a particularly good liar, but Yelena was distracted by the road, clearly exhausted, and Kate knew she wasn’t picking up on the subtle cracks in her story. It felt like a small victory.

“I will eventually,” Kate said, leaning her head back against the seat, sighing. “I’m just… not particularly tired. I just feel like crap.” The last part, at least, wasn’t a lie.

By the tenth hour of driving, Yelena was exhausted. Her hands were steady on the wheel, but her body ached from sitting so long, and her mind was beginning to blur at the edges. She had been running on sheer willpower for hours now, determined to get them as far as possible before stopping.

Kate, despite all her earlier efforts to stay awake, had eventually given in, slumping against the passenger seat, her head tilted toward the window, her breathing slow and even. Yelena had watched her out of the corner of her eye, taking small moments to glance over whenever the road stretched empty ahead of them.

Pulling off the highway and into a rest stop, Yelena shifted the car into park and exhaled, rolling her neck to ease the stiffness settling in. She took a moment to stretch before turning her attention to Kate, still curled into herself, still lost in whatever dreams her exhausted mind had drifted into.

But Yelena knew they had been driving too long for Kate to sleep through this. If she didn’t wake her now, she would definitely regret it later.

With a sigh, she reached over and gently shook Kate’s arm. “Kate Bishop,” she murmured, her voice softer than usual, almost careful. “Wake up, we are at a rest stop. Come, we will eat, da? (yes)”

Kate groaned softly, blinking sluggishly as she surfaced from sleep, her brain taking a long moment to catch up. She stared at Yelena in groggy confusion, like she hadn’t fully processed the words yet. For a brief second, Yelena thought she might just go back to sleep, but then, slowly, Kate gave a small nod, rubbing at her eyes before dragging herself upright.

Yelena smirked as she watched Kate fumble with the seatbelt, her movements still clumsy from sleep. “Very graceful,” she teased lightly.

Kate shot her a half-hearted glare, but it lacked any real bite. She pushed open the door and stepped out onto the pavement, only to stumble slightly as her legs caught up with her. Yelena reached out instinctively, gripping her elbow before she could face-plant onto the concrete. Kate mumbled something under her breath, clearly annoyed at her own lack of coordination, but she didn’t pull away from Yelena’s steady hold as they started toward the diner attached to the rest stop.

The inside was exactly what Yelena expected, small, slightly worn-down, the kind of place that hadn’t changed in decades. The smell of coffee and greasy food filled the air, and the faint sound of an old jukebox hummed from the corner.

Kate slumped into the nearest booth, her head still heavy from sleep, her body still weighed down by exhaustion. She squinted at the menu, blinking rapidly, trying to force her eyes to focus long enough to actually read it. But her brain was not cooperating.

Yelena watched her struggle for a few moments before Kate let out a resigned sigh and shut the menu entirely. “I’m just gonna assume they have burgers and fries. And Coffee. That seems safe.”

Yelena let out an amused huff. “They do, I am ordering the same.”

Kate gave her a tired half-smile before dropping her head onto the table with a quiet groan. Yelena just smirked, shaking her head fondly as she waved over the waitress. She had a feeling they were going to need a lot of coffee.

---

By the time they got back to the car, Kate felt marginally more human. Two cups of coffee had worked their way through her system, cutting through the lingering fog of exhaustion, and the food had settled in her stomach enough to keep her from feeling like she might keel over. She had used the restroom, stretched out her stiff limbs, and, despite Yelena’s amused sighs, had spent an ungodly amount of time deliberating over which road trip snacks were essential.

Eventually, Yelena had just left her to it while she filled the tank, shaking her head as Kate stood in the gas station aisle, looking as if she were making a life-or-death decision between different brands of gummy worms.

Now, as they made their way back to the car, Kate tossed the bag of snacks into the footwell before turning to Yelena, holding out a hand expectantly. “Okay, give me the keys. I’ll drive the rest of the way.”

She did look better, the colour had returned to her face, and she no longer looked like she was one pothole away from throwing up all over the dashboard. But still, Yelena didn’t even entertain the idea of switching seats.

“No, it is okay,” Yelena said easily, slipping into the driver’s seat without hesitation. “I am happy to continue. We have around six hours left, give or take.”

Kate frowned at her, arms crossing over her chest. “Yelena, you can’t drive the whole way. That isn’t fair. You must be tired.”

Yelena laughed at that, the sound rich with amusement as she shot Kate a knowing look. “Oh, Kate Bishop,” she said with a smirk, her accent thickening ever so slightly. “I have stayed awake for much longer, and then killed many men. I think I can handle it.”

She said it so casually, so matter-of-factly, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Kate regarding her past. Kate felt her stomach twist slightly, the weight of Yelena’s words settling in. She had always known the Widows had endured things that were beyond her understanding, that the Red Room had been cruel. But she had never really looked into it, never fully considered the depth of what they experienced.

“Are you sure?” Kate asked, her voice softer this time, more sincere. “I genuinely don’t mind, Yelena.”

Yelena didn’t even bother answering. Instead, she simply started the engine and glanced over, waiting for Kate to get in.

Kate rolled her eyes, muttering, “You are so stubborn.”

Yelena grinned, throwing the car into drive. “Da (yes), I have been told this.” She chuckled, clearly pleased with herself.

With an exaggerated sigh, Kate climbed into the passenger seat, pulling the seatbelt across her chest before shooting Yelena one last pointed look. “Fine. But if you start nodding off, I will take over.”

Yelena smirked, eyes fixed on the road as she pulled out of the gas station. “We will see, Kate Bishop.”

Yelena did not, in fact, nod off at any point during the journey. If anything, she seemed perfectly at ease behind the wheel, her energy never once faltering despite the long hours. And, to Kate’s surprise, the trip ended up being fun.

With the worst of her hangover finally behind her, Kate could actually enjoy the ride. Yelena cranked up the music, and before long, they were singing along to every song that came on, regardless of whether they actually knew the lyrics.

Kate didn’t even care that Yelena had an unfair advantage, her deep, sultry voice somehow made even the most ridiculous pop songs sound effortlessly cool. Meanwhile, Kate was all dramatic flair, belting the lyrics at full volume, adding unnecessary vocal runs and exaggerated air guitar. It had Yelena laughing so hard she nearly swerved off the road more than once.

Eventually, after much begging and exaggerated pouting, Yelena relinquished control of the music and Kate immediately put on ‘You Belong With Me’. The second it started, she was all in, singing at the top of her lungs, providing her own drum solos on the dashboard, bouncing in her seat like the car was her personal stage.

Yelena loved watching it, absolutely adored seeing Kate so carefree and happy. It was infectious, the way she threw herself into the moment without a single ounce of hesitation despite the sadness running through her. Yelena felt warm, content, even pleasantly buzzed from the sheer energy radiating off Kate. But the sensation unsettled her, that unfamiliar, creeping feeling of something deeper tugging at her chest.

And in true Yelena fashion, she deflected. “Kate Bishop,” she said suddenly, her voice serious despite the chaos. “Who sings this song?”

Kate, mid-drum solo, glanced at her, frowning in confusion. “Taylor Swift?” she answered, momentarily thrown by the idea that Yelena might somehow not know that.

Deadpan, Yelena nodded. “Well, maybe it should stay that way.”

For a second, Kate just stared at her, completely stunned. Then Yelena burst out laughing, her whole body shaking with amusement. “Your face!” she wheezed between laughs, gripping the wheel tightly as she struggled to keep her composure.

Kate’s jaw dropped in betrayal. “How the hell do you even know that dumb joke?” she grumbled, though she couldn’t fully hide the small smile tugging at her lips.

“I have my ways,” Yelena smirked, still catching her breath. “But it was funny, no?”

“I hate you,” Kate muttered, crossing her arms.

“Ha! No, you don’t,” Yelena shot back smugly. “Besides, I am helping you fetch your dog.”

“I can and I do,” Kate huffed, turning her gaze dramatically toward the window.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Kate Bishop. That really hurts my feelings,” Yelena teased, fake-pouting in a way that immediately melted Kate’s defences.

With a sigh, Kate rolled her eyes and relented. “I don’t hate you,” she admitted, then immediately perked up. “But we are restarting the song because you made me miss the best part.”

And with that, she pressed play again, throwing herself back into the song like nothing had happened.

And when they weren’t singing, they talked, about everything and nothing, slipping between sarcasm and sincerity as easily as breathing. The car became its own little world, filled with laughter and the kind of effortless back-and-forth neither of them had to think too hard about.

It had been another four hours before Kate began to get antsy again, the familiar gnaw of hunger making itself known. She stretched in her seat, letting out a dramatic sigh. “You know, I think I might actually die if we don’t stop for food soon.”

Yelena scoffed, shaking her head. “You are so dramatic, Kate Bishop.” Without taking her eyes off the road, she leaned over, effortlessly popping open the glove compartment with one hand. Kate barely had a second to react before a handful of snacks were unceremoniously tossed into her lap.

“Here,” Yelena said, her tone exasperated but laced with amusement. “Eat the snacks you spent forever choosing.”

Kate blinked down at the pile, momentarily caught off guard, while Yelena smirked, settling back into her seat. “I am doing all the work here,” she added, hands steady on the wheel as the car sped down the highway. “You are just sitting pretty.”

Kate turned toward her, grinning. “Oh, so you think I’m pretty?” she teased, eyebrow arched, fully expecting to fluster Yelena. She knew it was just a saying, but still, a part of her wanted to see if she could get a reaction.

For a split second, she thought she saw the faintest hint of pink on Yelena’s cheeks, but just as quickly, it was gone, like it had never been there at all. Then Yelena scoffed, her voice perfectly even. “Do not flatter yourself, it is just an expression. It means you are enjoying yourself while I do all the hard work.”

Kate wasn’t sure why that stung. It was stupid, she shouldn’t have cared, shouldn’t have expected anything else, but a small, irrational part of her had wanted Yelena to at least humor her. To play along. But she swallowed the disappointment down, covering it with a smirk.

“A. That was rude. I’ll have you know I’ve been called pretty by some very attractive women in my time,” she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder for dramatic effect.

Yelena’s jaw tensed, her grip on the steering wheel tightening ever so slightly, though she didn’t immediately know why. Something about Kate casually talking about other women sent an unfamiliar twist through her stomach. But before she could even begin to unpack it, Kate kept going.

“And B. I offered to drive, but you were being a stubborn ass.”

Yelena scoffed. “Kate, I do not trust your driving skills. I would like to get to the Bartons in one piece. I have important plans.”

Kate narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What kind of plans?”

Yelena’s smirk only widened as she tapped the side of her nose, her voice dropping into something almost sinister. “You will see,” she said smoothly. “Let’s just say Clint might want to start sleeping with one eye open.”

The way she said it, so casual yet so menacing sent a dramatic shiver down Kate’s spine. “Yelena,” she said slowly, half-amused, half-concerned. “What the hell are you planning?”

Yelena simply chuckled, eyes fixed on the road, looking far too pleased with herself. “Don’t worry about it, Kate Bishop,” she purred. “It will be…fun.”

Kate did worry about it. But she also kind of couldn’t wait to find out.

The truth was, Yelena had no real plans to mess with Clint, at least, not in his own home, not around his kids, and definitely not in a way that would upset Kate. But teasing about it made her feel better, gave her something to hold onto, a distraction from the lingering resentment that still sat heavy in her chest. Because no matter how much she tried to move past it, a part of her still couldn't forgive him for letting Natasha make that jump.

As the journey stretched on, they slipped back into their effortless rhythm, singing, talking, and trading playful jabs. Yelena’s relentless teasing was a constant, but Kate didn’t mind. More importantly, for once, she wasn’t overthinking. Her mind wasn’t tangled in the usual web of dark thoughts, wasn’t weighed down by exhaustion or self-loathing.

Instead, she just felt light. She felt happy. The contrast from the night before was almost jarring, she had stood on that rooftop convinced she would never feel this way again, convinced she had reached the end of whatever fight she had left in her. And yet, here she was, laughing, really laughing, in a car with an ex-assassin who had, somehow, become one of the most important people in her life in seconds.

She knew this wouldn’t last. She knew the weight would creep back in eventually, that the shadows in her mind weren’t gone, just momentarily pushed aside. But maybe that was okay. Maybe, for now, all she had to do was follow through on the promise she had made, even if she had been drunk when she made it.

She would try. Because right now, trying felt good.

---

By the time they finally pulled up to the Barton farm the night stretched dark and endless above them, the crisp air biting at their skin as they sat in the now-parked car, momentarily suspended in the stillness. The long drive had taken its toll, and Yelena, despite her seemingly endless stamina, could finally feel the fatigue settling into her bones. She had been running on autopilot for the past few hours, and while she didn’t need sleep right now, she had to admit, it would be nice.

Kate, on the other hand, was buzzing. All traces of her earlier hangover had disappeared, replaced by a restless, excited energy that had her practically vibrating in her seat. Whether it was from the anticipation of seeing Lucky or the residual adrenaline of having a genuinely good time for the first time in what felt like forever, Yelena wasn’t entirely sure. But Kate was practically bouncing, barely waiting for the car to be fully stopped before throwing off her seatbelt and hopping out onto the gravel driveway.

Yelena sighed, rubbing a hand over her face before forcing herself out of the car, moving slower, more measured. The cold hit her immediately, seeping through her jacket, but she ignored it, stretching out her stiff limbs as Kate had already started toward the house.

Before they could even reach the front door, it swung open.

“Kate!” Lila barreled straight into her, arms wrapping around her waist in a forceful hug that nearly knocked Kate back a step. Kate barely had time to react before she was hugging her back, laughing as she lifted Lila off the ground slightly. “Hey! You miss me or something?”

“Duh!” Lila scoffed, squeezing her tighter before pulling away.

The second Kate had room to breathe again, Clint stepped forward, clapping a hand on her shoulder before pulling her into a hug as well. It was warm and familiar, something that Kate hadn’t realised she needed until she was in it.

But before she could fully enjoy the moment, a blur of golden fur came bounding toward her. Kate barely had time to brace herself before Lucky launched into her, paws pressing against her chest as he tackled her to the ground. She hit the dirt with a startled laugh, immediately met with an onslaught of sloppy kisses as Lucky wagged his tail furiously, jumping over her, whining happily, licking every inch of her face he could reach.

“Oh my God, Lucky! I missed you too, bud, okay, I get it—” Kate gasped between laughs, trying to push him back just enough to breathe, but Lucky was determined to smother her with love.

And then, suddenly, she was crying. She hadn’t planned on crying, hadn’t expected it, but the second she felt Lucky’s familiar warmth, the overwhelming affection in every wag of his tail, the pure joy of being reunited the tears just came.

Yelena stood back, watching the entire scene unfold with an unreadable expression. It was… nice, she supposed. Seeing the way she lit up as Lucky practically tried to crawl into her lap, whining and nudging his head against her like he never wanted to let her go. The way Clint and his daughter embraced her so easily, so fully, like she belonged here.

But Yelena? Yelena did not belong here. She could feel it in the way her muscles stayed taut, in the way her fingers twitched toward her weapons despite the clear lack of danger.

This was Clint Barton’s home. The man she had blamed for Natasha’s death. The man she had nearly killed. The man she had hunted down only a couple of weeks ago.

They were friends now, sure and logically, she knew that Clint wasn’t the type to hold grudges. That he had welcomed her into this space because he cared and wanted to. But standing here, on his property, at his home, the place where his family slept? It felt like a trap.

Her training screamed at her to stay alert, to never let her guard down, to anticipate the betrayal before it happened. And Clint being Clint, noticed. He had spent enough time studying Natasha and her moods to know when a widow was not okay.

His sharp eyes flickered toward her, tracking the stiffness in her shoulders, the way her stance hadn’t fully relaxed.

“Yelena,” he said, his voice steady but kind, the same tone he always used when he knew someone was about to bolt. “You don’t have to be so tense. You’re welcome here. Just as much as Kate.”

Yelena barely reacted, her expression carefully blank. But she heard him. Clint gave her a small smile before adding, “You’re my best friend’s sister. She’d want me to treat you like family.”

Yelena’s stomach twisted. She knew he meant it. She knew Natasha would have wanted that. But being wanted, being welcomed, those were still foreign concepts. She had spent so long as a weapon, as a ghost, slipping through the cracks of the world without ever truly being part of it.

And yet, as Clint gestured toward the open door, as the warmth of the house spilled out onto the porch, as Kate finally looked up from the ground, teary-eyed and grinning and smiled at her like she actually wanted her here Yelena decided that maybe she could try. Maybe it was time to be part of something more, because she sure as hell didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone.

Once inside, the warmth of the Barton home wrapped around them, a stark contrast to the biting cold of the night outside. The house smelled familiar, like pine and something subtly spiced, maybe cinnamon, something comforting. It was lived in, full of life, full of family. Kate exhaled softly beside her, already feeling at ease, but Yelena felt like she had just stepped into enemy territory.

Clint took their bags and coats before gesturing for them to follow. Kate already knew where she was going, heading toward her usual guest room on the first floor with the ease of someone who belonged there. Yelena hesitated for just a second before forcing herself forward, keeping her expression neutral as Clint led her further into the house and up the stairs.

Then he stopped in front of a door and Yelena’s stomach twisted before he even spoke. “Now, if this is too much, just tell me…” Clint started, shifting slightly, rubbing the back of his neck in a way that told her he wasn’t entirely sure how this was going to go. “But I figured, since you’re here, you might want to be close to her.”

Yelena’s breath hitched and Clint pushed open the door, stepping aside as she looked past him into the dimly lit room. “This was Nat’s room,” he said gently. “We haven’t changed it since…”

He didn’t finish. He didn’t need to. Yelena’s feet refused to move at first, like crossing the threshold would be crossing some kind of line, some boundary she hadn’t prepared herself for.

But then she stepped inside. The air felt thicker in here. Not suffocating, but heavy, weighted with something unspoken, something lingering. The scent of fresh linens and lemon-scented cleaner filled the space, but underneath it, barely there, was something familiar.

Something that made her chest ache.

It was Natasha. It had faded, of course, it had been a long time and scent was always the first thing to disappear, but it was still there, somehow woven into the very fabric of the space a mixture of leather and the floral undertone of her perfume. She could almost see her sister here, curled up in the chair by the window as she read. Could picture her tossing a knife absentmindedly between her hands while she listened to music, her legs kicked up onto the bed like she owned the place.

For a split second, Yelena let herself imagine that if she turned around, Natasha would be standing there, arms crossed, giving her one of those dry, knowing smirks. But she wasn’t and she never would be again. Yelena’s throat tightened, her hands curling into fists at her sides as she tried to keep it together.

Clint cleared his throat, trying to fill the silence. “We, uh…we did change the sheets. Cleaned it up a little before you got here,” he added, almost awkwardly, like he was unsure if she wanted him to leave it untouched or not. “Wanted it to be fresh… you know, since it has been a while.”

She barely heard him. Because there was too much inside her chest, too much grief cramming itself into a space that was already full. And before she could stop it, before she could shove it back down where it belonged, a small, broken sound slipped from her lips.

A whimper.

She clenched her jaw immediately, but it was too late, the crack had already formed. Clint didn’t say anything. Didn’t react beyond a quiet shift in his stance. Clint of course knew better, he knew Yelena would hate herself for that small act of weakness so he ignored it. He just waited.

Yelena swallowed hard, forcing down the sharp, aching lump in her throat before managing, in a voice that barely sounded like her own, “Thank you, Barton.” It was all she could get out.

Clint nodded, and for a second, he looked like he wanted to say something else, something meaningful, something real, but instead, he just reached out and clapped a hand gently on her shoulder. “I’ll leave you to it,” he said, his voice steady, offering her an out. “Kate’s probably already eating me out of house and home.” He smirked slightly, trying to lighten the weight in the room. “You can come down and eat or you can stay, it's your choice.”

Yelena could only manage a stiff nod, her throat too tight to force out any more words. Clint held her gaze for a moment longer, something unspoken passing between them, understanding, maybe, or an attempt at comfort but he didn’t linger. He just gave her a small, knowing nod of his own before stepping back, pulling the door closed behind him with a quiet click.

And then she was alone. Alone in Natasha’s room. The stillness settled over Yelena immediately, thick and suffocating, pressing into her chest like a weight she hadn’t been prepared to carry. She drew in a shaky breath, the first real breath she’d allowed herself since stepping inside, but the air felt thick in her lungs. It hurt. It always hurt.

It was the kind of pain that settled deep, not sharp but aching, curling itself around her ribs and squeezing tight. Because Natasha was here, in the walls, in the air, in the faintest traces of a scent that had almost faded. She was in the memories lingering in every untouched object, in the worn edges of the bookshelf, in the creases of the blankets.

But she was also gone.

Yelena’s hands clenched into fists at her sides as she stood in the centre of the room, her breath coming too fast, too shallow. She searched desperately for something…anything to hold onto, but the reality crashed into her with brutal force. Natasha wasn’t coming back. No matter how many times she tried to pretend otherwise, no matter how tightly she shut her eyes and wished, she would never hear her sister’s voice again.

Her boots felt too heavy, suffocating, so she kicked them off without thinking, moving towards the bed in a daze. She hesitated before sitting, as if the action itself was something sacred, something she wasn’t sure she deserved. But then her knees buckled, and she let herself sink onto the mattress, pulling the covers over her head as she curled in on herself. Her arms wrapped tightly around the pillow, gripping it like a lifeline, and before she even realised it, hot tears were slipping down her cheeks, dampening the fabric.

Yelena cried quietly, always quietly. It was a habit ingrained in her from the Red Room, where weakness was not tolerated, where tears were met with punishment. She had learned early on that crying meant failure, meant vulnerability, meant something that could be exploited. So, she had stopped. For years, she had let the pain settle into her bones instead, silent and unseen. She had learned to bury it, to turn it into something she could live with.

Until Natasha died.

After the Blip, after she came back to a world without her sister, the tears had returned, unwelcome and unrelenting. She had cried more in those months than she had in her entire life, sobbing into hotel pillows, breaking down in empty apartments. And she had hated it. Hated the way it made her feel weak, how it stripped away every ounce of control she had spent years perfecting.

She knew, logically, that it was okay to cry. That it was human. That she would never judge anyone else for it. But when it was her, when the tears were her own, it felt different. It felt pathetic.

And yet, she couldn’t stop. Not here. Not now.

She cried for Natasha. She cried for the sister she would never get back, for the bond they’d shared that had been ripped away. She cried for the years she’d wasted in the Red Room, the years she could have spent with Natasha but never would. And she cried for herself, because, despite everything, she was still here. Still alive. Still holding on to a life that felt so empty without the one person who had been her anchor.

The tears fell for what felt like an eternity, each quiet sob wracking her body, her chest tight with the weight of her grief. She couldn’t stop them, couldn’t silence the ache that consumed her. Her breath hitched in uneven bursts, and she allowed herself to feel the weight of everything she’d been carrying. But eventually, exhaustion set in, her body too tired to keep fighting.

Her sobs quieted, the tears slowing to a trickle, leaving silent tracks on her cheeks. She curled further into herself, the pillow still clutched to her chest, and in the heavy stillness of the room, she finally drifted off to sleep. Her breathing slowed, the tears drying on her face as the world outside faded away, leaving only a haunting emptiness behind her closed eyelids.

---

The next morning, Yelena woke with the remnants of last night’s grief still simmering under the surface, but there was something different today. The weight in her chest hadn’t entirely gone away, the ache of missing Natasha still lingered, but it was quieter now, not quite as suffocating. The tears from the night before had cleared the heaviness, leaving behind a rawness that was easier to breathe through.

She had slept surprisingly well, though. The room, heavy with memories, had pressed in on her as she drifted off, but exhaustion had finally taken hold, and she had slept through the night undisturbed. It wasn’t peaceful, but it was the closest to peace she’d gotten in a long while.

As always, she woke precisely at 5:00 a.m. Her internal clock was as sharp as a blade, a rhythm ingrained into her from years of training, from the missions, from the endless days in the Red Room. No alarm needed. Her body had never learned how to sleep longer than it was told to. She couldn’t stay in bed, no matter how much she wished for the comfort of more sleep. It wasn’t a choice; it was just the way it worked.

But there was something new today. A quiet calm, a stillness in the house that she hadn’t expected to feel. It was strange, this peacefulness that hung in the air, but it gave her a sense of… grounding. Her main thought was on Kate. Kate was safe. At least for now. Safe from herself, safe from the darker impulses she battled, safe in a house full of people who cared for her. Yelena knew Kate wouldn’t do anything drastic here, not with Clint and Laura around, not with the kids, not with this strange warmth that radiated from the Bartons’ home.

Yelena rubbed a hand across her face, the coolness of her palm briefly grounding her, reminding her that there was still time, still moments of clarity between the swirling emotions. She moved to the ensuite bathroom, splashing cold water on her face, letting the chill cut through the remnants of sleep, clearing away the fog that hadn’t quite lifted.

For the first time in a long time, with no widow to save or contract to complete, no immediate crisis to navigate, Yelena found herself with time to simply exist. No immediate pressure, no distractions, just… space. She considered it for a moment, then decided she needed to do something; a run. The cool morning air would help her reset, help clear her head before the day really began. She wasn’t broken anymore, but the edges still felt sharp. Maybe this run would soften them, even if just for a little while.

But as she quietly made her way downstairs, she realised she wasn’t the only one awake. At first, it was just the soft murmur of voices, faint and distant, filtering up from the kitchen. What caught Yelena’s attention, however, was the distinct sound of Kate’s voice. Her voice was quiet, but Yelena could tell Kate was tired. The other voice, the one that followed, Yelena recognised instantly, it belonged to Laura.

Curious, Yelena slowed her steps, moving towards the kitchen as silently as she could manage. She peered around the corner, watching the scene unfold before her. Kate sat at the kitchen island, her shoulders slightly hunched as she leaned over a steaming mug of coffee. Across from her, Laura stood, relaxed but attentive, leaning against the counter with her own cup in hand.

It was a quiet moment, a peaceful moment, but what struck Yelena most was the sight of Kate awake at this hour. She had expected Kate to be exhausted, still recovering from everything that had happened and the long day yesterday. The fact that Kate was here, awake and talking in the early morning, was almost more shocking than anything else. She was supposed to be dead to the world, and yet here she was, present, holding a conversation like everything was normal.

Yelena paused, just out of view. For a brief second, she felt a twinge of hesitation, like she wasn’t sure if she should interrupt. She didn’t quite understand why she hesitated, it wasn’t like she was unwelcome, not exactly. But there was something in the way Kate was talking to Laura, something in the air that made Yelena feel like an outsider. Maybe it was just the quiet, the softness of it all, or maybe it was the simple fact that she was still trying to figure out where she fit in this world.

For a moment, Yelena remained still, her eyes trained on Kate as she sat across from Laura, her voice soft and steady. But her moment of hesitation was interrupted when Laura’s voice cut through the stillness, her sharp eyes catching Yelena’s presence despite her best efforts to remain unnoticed.

“Good morning, honey. Would you like some coffee?” Laura asked, a warm, genuine smile spreading across her face.

Yelena blinked in surprise, caught off guard by the sudden recognition. She hadn’t expected to be seen so easily. She’d thought she had managed to stay hidden, blending into the background. But here Laura was, already aware of her presence.

Before Yelena could even formulate a response, Laura added, her tone teasing but light, “You’re just like your sister. Natasha used to sneak around the house like this too. I’m trained to spot a snooping Widow,” she chuckled, a warm, knowing sound.

Yelena was stunned, her mouth opening slightly in disbelief. She hadn’t expected this. Laura was teasing her, and all Yelena could do was laugh, though she was still processing the fact that she’d been caught in the act of snooping. She hadn’t recovered from the surprise when Laura finished making her coffee and walked toward her with a cup in hand.

“I’m sure you’re aware, but I’m Laura,” she said gently, her smile still soft. “You’re Yelena, I know already. Now go sit.” She nudged Yelena toward the kitchen, her hand guiding her forward with a quiet firmness that left no room for argument.

Yelena obeyed without hesitation, making her way to the kitchen island where Kate was already seated. She sat down next to her, feeling the warmth of the space and the odd comfort of being part of something.

“Morning, Kate Bishop,” Yelena muttered, her voice still a little uncertain as she tried to settle into the normality of it all.

Kate glanced up at her, her tired eyes twinkling with something softer than Yelena was used to seeing. “Morning, Yelena... I don’t know your last name,” Kate said, a laugh escaping her lips. It was light, almost teasing, and yet, it held no malice.

"Belova," Yelena responded, her voice light, offering Kate a gentle smile. “Yelena Belova,” she added, the words slipping from her lips with an ease that surprised even her.

Kate couldn’t help herself, a chuckle escaping her as she leaned back slightly, grinning. "Alright, James Bond," she teased, her voice full of mischief.

Laura joined in, her soft laughter blending with Kate’s. Yelena feigned annoyance, raising an eyebrow, though the playful glint in her eyes betrayed her. “Ugh, I give you a personal piece of information and you tease me? Forget it, you’ve lost surname privileges,” she huffed dramatically, crossing her arms over her chest as if she were truly offended.

Kate, however, was unfazed, her grin widening. “Too late, Belova. I know it now,” she said with a wink, clearly enjoying the teasing far more than Yelena would have preferred.

Laura glanced between them, her smile soft and knowing, as though she could see something. “You want breakfast, Belova? Yelena Belova?” she teased, the words light and teasing, yet there was something comforting in her tone.

Yelena pouted, a playful frown tugging at her lips. “You’re both being very rude,” she muttered, but there was no real bite behind it, just a sense of something genuine forming between them.

Despite the teasing, despite the way they were poking fun at her, Yelena felt something shift inside her. It wasn’t something she was used to, this kind of camaraderie, this lightness but she liked it. For a brief moment, she felt like she could actually relax. Let her guard down just a little.

“Aww, don’t pout, we’re sorry,” Kate said, her voice dripping with sweetness as she leaned forward, her eyes wide and pleading. “Now, ask for some pancakes because I want some, and she won’t just make them for me, pleeeaaseee,” she begged, giving Yelena her best puppy-dog eyes.

Yelena crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. "You are such a child," she muttered, but the corners of her lips twitched upward despite herself.

Kate grinned, not backing down. “You know you can’t resist. Just think, pancakes, fluffy and golden, covered in syrup, and I’ll even let you have the first one. What do you say?” Her voice was practically sing-song, and she bounced slightly in her seat, almost in a little dance of excitement.

Yelena raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a reluctant smirk. "Laura is not your personal pancake slave, Kate. You have two hands, use them."

Laura, who had been silently observing the exchange from behind the counter, shook her head and chuckled to herself. She couldn’t help but enjoy watching Yelena’s battle with Kate’s antics.

Kate leaned in closer, her desperation increasing. “But I don’t want to! Laura makes amazing pancakes! The best! And you—” She paused for effect, putting a hand on Yelena’s arm, “—you are so good at persuading people to do things. Please, Yelena, I’m starving here!”

Yelena scoffed, a slight smile tugging at her lips despite her best effort to look annoyed. “My skills are for important spy work, not pancakes, Kate.”

“But this is important, Yelena!” Kate wailed dramatically. “I’m so hungry, you don’t understand!”

At this point, Laura’s quiet laughter couldn’t be held back anymore. She turned to Yelena, clearly enjoying the show, and said, “Yelena, you have to learn, if Kate wants something, she will usually get it. Just give in.”

Yelena groaned in mock defeat, rubbing her temples. “Fine, fine.” She turned towards Laura with a resigned expression. “Laura, please, can you make Kate pancakes so she shuts up?”

Laura raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Of course I can. Now Kate, stop whining.” She busied herself pulling out ingredients, clearly entertained by the dynamic unfolding before her.

Kate, instantly thrilled by her victory, launched herself at Yelena in a quick, almost startled hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” she shouted, her voice muffled by Yelena’s shoulder as she practically squeezed the life out of her.

Yelena froze for a moment, stiffening at the unexpected contact. It wasn’t that she minded the hug, it was just...unexpected. A small shiver ran down her spine as she awkwardly patted Kate’s back, trying to placate her. “Get off, Bishop. It’s Laura you should be thanking, not me.”

Kate released her and quickly spun around to thank Laura, but Yelena stayed where she was, feeling her stomach do a small, uncomfortable flip. The brief contact had stirred something inside her, something that felt a little too much for her to ignore. The same feeling that keeps appearing whenever she is around Kate.

As the conversation shifted and Kate and Laura began talking about something completely unrelated, Yelena sat there for a moment, her eyes slightly unfocused, trying to quell the sudden rush of thoughts swirling in her head. It is nothing. Just the weird feeling of being too close to someone, that’s all. She had been around people her whole life, sure, but something about Kate was different.

Her fingers tapped nervously on the edge of the counter, the rhythmic sound barely cutting through the buzz of her thoughts. She tried to focus, to push away the confusion creeping in from every direction. The pancakes were coming, and she wasn’t about to let a simple hug mess with her focus.

Right?

Wrong.

The longer she sat there, watching Kate chatter away with Laura, the more she felt something tightening in her chest. It was subtle at first, just a little flutter of unease, but soon it became undeniable. The way Kate’s smile lit up her face, the way she laughed easily, how effortlessly she moved through the space. Yelena couldn’t look away, and the more she tried to shake it off, the more that feeling gnawed at her insides.

She didn’t understand it. Didn’t know what to do with it. But she felt… flustered. Heat was rising in her chest, spreading to her face, almost like a fever. But it wasn’t a fever. Not physically. It was something else. Something she didn’t know how to name, but that made her feel… uncomfortable. Wrong. Weak.

Yelena was lost in her own thoughts, a whirlpool of confusion that pulled her deeper the more she tried to understand what was happening inside her. She didn't understand what she was feeling, or why. She tried to piece it together by going over the last few days. The image of Kate on that rooftop, her hollow eyes, the way she stood so close to the edge, so dangerously close to ending it all.

Even though Yelena hadn’t really known Kate at the time, there was something inside her, a quiet, inexplicable pull that made her want, no, need, to be near her. That was why she was there, after all. But now, thinking about it, it scared her. It was terrifying to want to be close to someone who, in that moment, had nearly died in the same way Natasha had. Someone who could so easily slip away, leaving her behind…and still could.

That similarity had hit her hard in the moment, but she’d been so focused on Kate, on making sure she didn’t make that jump, that she didn’t let herself process it fully. Now, it was crashing over her, the grief from last night’s quiet in Natasha’s room, the grief that still lingered like a weight on her chest, mixing with the fear of almost losing Kate. It felt like she was drowning.

But what is this feeling? Yelena couldn’t put a name to it, couldn’t quite grasp what it meant. Her first instinct was to call it fear. The fear that she would lose Kate, just like she’d lost Natasha. But Yelena knew fear. She had felt it, understood it, and this wasn’t fear. This... this was something else. It was warm, like a soft pulse beneath her skin, something that made her stomach flutter, something that felt strange and wrong in its own right. She couldn’t figure it out, couldn’t make sense of it, but what she did know was that she needed to get away from it. She needed to run from this, from everything that was suffocating her, clouding her mind, twisting her thoughts into confusion. The pressure was too much. She just needed to escape.

Yelena stood up abruptly, knocking the chair back with a loud scrape. Her heart was hammering in her chest, the sensation suddenly too much to bear. She didn’t know what to do. She had to move. Leave.

“I, uh... I don’t feel well,” she blurted out, the words tumbling out without any real thought behind them. She almost didn’t recognise the sound of her own voice, too soft, too unsure. She moved quickly, her legs shaky as she rushed toward the door, not sparing Kate or Laura a glance. Not even waiting for a response.

She didn’t even realise that she’d made it back to Natasha’s old room until the door closed behind her. The familiar space, now quiet and still, seemed to settle her, at least physically. The heat in her skin faded, but the confusion didn’t.

Her hands shook slightly as she pressed them against her face, trying to steady herself. She breathed in deeply, trying to rid herself of the tightness in her chest. She exhaled sharply, frustration bubbling up in her throat, a bitterness she couldn’t shake. What the hell is wrong with me?

But it was the not-knowing that hurt the most. She couldn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling. Is this what weakness feels like? She didn’t have the answers, and the uncertainty made her feel even more lost. She wasn’t used to feeling like this. She had trained herself to ignore anything that made her soft. But now? It was all tangled up in her chest, in her stomach, and no amount of training could fix that.

Frustrated with herself and desperate to clear her mind, Yelena knew she needed to stick to her original plan,her run. The run she was meant to be on before everything had been interrupted by breakfast, Kate, and those stupid, confusing feelings that she couldn’t even begin to name. But as much as she told herself to just push through, she couldn’t bring herself to go back downstairs. She wasn’t ready to face Kate again, not yet, not after everything that had happened. Instead, she slipped quietly out of the window, the cool morning air rushing to meet her like an old, familiar friend. She needed the solitude, the space to sort through her thoughts, to put some distance between herself and whatever the hell was going on inside her right now.

She ran, pushing herself harder than usual, the rhythmic pounding of her feet against the earth becoming a way to silence the questions spinning in her mind. The exhaustion in her body felt like relief, each step carrying her farther from the house, from the confusing moment in the kitchen.

Time seemed to stretch. She ran for a while, letting the landscape change as she moved, the soft morning light shifting to brighter afternoon hues. Finally, she came to a clearing, a breathtaking sight that made her pause for a moment. The area was serene, with a small waterfall cascading down the rocks nearby, its sound calming and natural. A little campfire area had been set up ready to be lit, and there was natural cover that offered shelter from the open sky.

Yelena slowed, finally allowing herself a moment to rest. She sank down onto the ground, her body grateful for the brief reprieve as she drew deep, steadying breaths, the weight of her exertion pressing down on her muscles. For a moment, the frantic pace of her thoughts eased, the clarity she’d been craving seeping in. Yet, as her mind quieted, she couldn’t ignore the harsh truth that hung over her, she still had to get back.

A part of her longed to leave, to return to the world of missions, of saving the widows, where things were simpler. There, she didn’t have to grapple with these strange, unfamiliar feelings that tugged at her chest. The mission was clear, plan, gear up, execute, and move on. There was no space for emotions in that life, no room for complications.

But then the other part of her, the part that refused to break promises, reminded her that she’d made a vow to Kate. She wasn’t one to go back on her word. So, despite the chaos in her mind, she pushed herself to her feet, her resolve hardening. She wasn’t going to quit, not now, not when she had made a promise. With that, she began to run again, every step taking her further away from doubt, even as her thoughts remained a tangled mess.

----

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Kate watched as Yelena quickly exited the room, her departure leaving a confusing silence in her wake. Kate stared after her, unsure of what had just happened. Her thoughts spiralled but nothing made sense. The panic set in quickly, a wave of heat rushing to her face. She dropped her head into her hands, desperate to make sense of it all.

Laura watched the whole thing unfold, a soft, understanding smile playing at the corners of her lips as Kate mentally spiralled. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Laura spoke up, her voice calm and reassuring. “Honey, stop stressing. If she’s anything like Nat, she’ll be triggered by random things, and it’s hard to know what will set her off.”

Kate lifted her head, her mind racing as she processed the words. She looked at Laura, a mixture of frustration and uncertainty on her face. “But if I don’t know what I did, how am I supposed to avoid it next time?” Kate’s voice was almost desperate, the fear of not knowing weighing on her heavily.

Laura shrugged, a knowing look in her eyes. “Look, it takes a long time for a Widow to open up. But, Yelena seems less closed off than Nat was, she will let you in when she is ready.”

Kate nodded slowly, grateful for that small piece of reassurance, but the anxiety still simmered beneath the surface. “I mean, that’s a positive. The thing is, I literally know nothing about her. And she comes, and she saves me, and…”

Before Kate could finish, Laura cut her off, her concern suddenly shifting into something more immediate, more pressing. “Saved you from what? Did someone come after you when you got home? Are you safe? Do we need to send Clint back out there?” Laura’s voice was laced with panic, her questions coming in quick succession as her motherly instinct kicked in.

Kate’s eyes widened in shock. She had assumed Yelena had told Clint what had happened, and that Laura would know, but it was clear she hadn’t. She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure. “Uh… no, no one came after me. I’m safe,” she said, avoiding eye contact, the weight of the truth still sitting uncomfortably in her chest.

Laura looked at her carefully, her concern deepening. “Then what did she save you from?” Her tone was gentle, yet there was something in it that suggested she already had an inkling, even if she didn’t fully know.

Kate sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging with the weight of the confession she knew she needed to make. “I… I was gonna do something dumb,” she said quietly, still avoiding Laura’s gaze. “She was there, and it’s fine now.”

Laura’s expression hardened slightly, her motherly instincts kicking in full force. “Katherine Elizabeth Bishop,” she said, her tone shifting to one Kate knew all too well. “Tell me right now what this ‘dumb’ thing was, because with you, that could literally mean anything.”

Kate winced at her full name, but the words rushed out before she could stop them. “I was gonna jump, okay? From the penthouse roof. It’s why I left Lucky here,” she admitted, her voice cracking as tears began to fall.

The words hit Laura like a physical blow. Her heart shattered for Kate as she pulled the younger woman into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around her in an effort to shield her from everything she had been carrying. Kate just cried, unable to speak, her tears soaking into Laura’s shoulder.

“Oh, honey, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you talk to me? You know I’m here for you!” Laura’s voice trembled as she held Kate tighter. “I knew it. I told Clint it was strange that you were leaving Lucky here. That you stopped responding to your texts! I told him! I’m so sorry we let you leave. We should never have let you go!”

Laura’s tears fell freely now, her heart aching for Kate. Despite only knowing her for a short time, Laura had come to see Kate as one of her own. The thought of her suffering in silence, of not being able to be there for her tore at Laura’s heart.

Kate clung to Laura, her body trembling as the tears continued to flow, her sobs raw and unrestrained. “I’m sorry,” she wailed, her voice choked with emotion. “I just... I couldn’t take it anymore, Laura.” Her heart pounded in her chest, every sob a painful reminder of how close she had come to ending it all. The weight of everything she had kept hidden felt like it was finally being released, but it didn’t make the pain any easier to bear.

For a moment, Laura held her tighter, her own tears falling as she whispered comforting words, but then a noise from upstairs broke the moment. It was faint, but unmistakable, someone else was awake. Kate’s head snapped up at the sound, and she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was now 6:30 a.m., and she knew that Clint and the others would likely be up soon. The thought of facing them, of pretending everything was okay, made her stomach twist. She had spent the morning pushing everything down, hiding behind her jokes, and her well-crafted persona, but after admitting what happened to Laura she couldn’t fact it, so like Yelena, she ran.

She quickly pulled away from Laura, wiping frantically at her face, trying to get a grip on herself. “I’m gonna go shower,” she said, her voice shaky but determined. She turned and moved swiftly towards the door, not waiting for a response.

“Kate!” Laura called after her, but Kate didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She couldn’t face anyone right now, not when everything inside her felt like it was falling apart.

Before Laura could say another word, Kate was already gone, her footsteps echoing in the hallway as she fled the room, the weight of everything she had just shared still pressing on her chest.

Kate silently thanked whatever god was looking out for her that Clint had made every room in the house with its own ensuite. The small blessing was the only thing that kept her going as she stood under the shower. The soothing rhythm of the water did nothing to help; her mood had crashed harder than she ever expected.

The fleeting peace she'd felt earlier was now gone, replaced by a heaviness that clung to her chest. She felt drained, broken, as though the weight of everything she’d been carrying had suddenly caught up with her. She wanted to go back to bed, bury herself under the covers, and never face another day, but she knew that wasn’t an option.

She dragged herself out of the shower, barely registering the movements as she changed into comfortable clothes. She collapsed onto the bed, hoping sleep would come and offer her an escape, but her mind wouldn’t stop racing. The thoughts swirled around her head like a whirlpool, and no matter how hard she tried to push them away, one name kept resurfacing: Yelena.

She must have lay there for over an hour, staring at the ceiling, wrestling with herself until she finally gave up. With a sigh, she got up, her feet carrying her upstairs, toward the floor where Yelena was staying. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping for, but her gut told her she couldn’t just leave things the way they were.

Kate knocked softly at Yelena’s door, the sound tentative but full of hope, waiting for some response, any response but there was nothing. Just silence. It was unnerving, an oppressive quietness that seemed to settle into her chest, making her feel as though she was suffocating. She pressed her ear to the door, but there was no sound. Nothing to tell her that Yelena was even there.

“Yelena, please speak to me,” Kate said, her voice barely above a whisper, laced with desperation. She knocked again, louder this time, hoping to break the stillness. Still, there was nothing. Not a creak of movement, not a rustle of fabric, nothing.

Her frustration built, like an insistent pressure in her chest. “I’m gonna come in if you don’t respond this time,” she said, her voice firm but still trembling at the edges, betraying the worry that had taken root in her. She knocked again, her knuckles sounding too loud in the stillness of the hallway. No answer.

With a sigh, Kate’s patience slipped away, replaced by fear and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. She didn’t wait any longer. Taking a deep breath, her hand reached for the doorknob, gripping it with a mixture of hope and dread. She turned it slowly, the faint click of the door echoing in her ears as her heart began to race.

The door opened, and Kate stepped inside, her breath catching in her throat when she saw the empty room. A cold rush of panic flooded through her, the room felt wrong, empty in a way that sent a chill down her spine. There was no sign of Yelena. But then, her eyes landed on the open window, the sight so jarring, her chest constricting.

Her heart pounded in her ears, her body frozen in place for a moment, as if the world had just tilted on its axis. The feeling of being abandoned, of being left alone, crashed down on her with brutal force. Her breath hitched in her throat as the tears she had been holding back started to fall, her knees buckling beneath her as the overwhelming pain of loss consumed her.

She left me.

The thought echoed in her head, over and over, relentless. Yelena had promised, promised she wouldn’t leave, and yet here she was… gone. The one person who had made her feel like she wasn’t invisible, who had kept her grounded, had disappeared without a word. The ache in her chest grew, a suffocating weight that threatened to swallow her whole.

Kate collapsed to the floor, her sobs shaking her entire body, her chest tightening as the tears poured uncontrollably. She wept with the rawness of someone who had just been torn apart. She cried until her body could no longer keep up, until exhaustion robbed her of the energy to do anything but surrender to the numbness. The tears slowed, and in the eerie quiet that followed, Kate curled up on the cold floor as sleep claimed her.

Outside, Yelena moved like a shadow, silently making her way back to the house. She climbed the side of the building with practised ease, her mind still swirling with confusion and emotions she couldn’t comprehend. She had gone for a run, a desperate attempt to escape the storm inside her, but now, something felt wrong. She could feel it.

Slipping back through the window she had left from earlier, Yelena’s heart stopped when she saw Kate. Her form was crumpled on the floor, curled in on herself like she was trying to make herself smaller, her face a swollen mess of sorrow. Dry tear tracks stained her cheeks, the evidence of the pain she was carrying. The sight of her like that shattered Yelena’s heart, the weight of helplessness pressing down on her chest like a vice.

Without a second thought, Yelena rushed to Kate’s side, her hands trembling as she gently lifted her into her arms. “Kate? Kate?” she called out, her voice laced with panic. She held Kate close, trying to steady herself as much as she was trying to steady Kate, her heartbeat erratic in her chest.

Kate blinked slowly, her eyes struggling to focus, the fog of sleep and pain clouding her vision. It took a moment before she recognised Yelena, her voice barely a whisper. “Lena?” she asked, thick with tears and confusion, her voice cracked and hoarse.

Yelena’s chest tightened at the new nickname, but the worry in her eyes took over any other feeling. “Kate, what happened? Why did you cry? Why are you on the floor?” Her voice was soft now, a whisper of concern as she gently ran her hand through Kate’s tangled hair.

Kate’s tears flowed again. “You left... you promised you wouldn’t,” she sobbed, her body trembling violently against Yelena’s chest, the words breaking her heart into pieces.

Yelena felt her heart splinter at the sound of Kate’s pain. Her own voice cracked as she whispered, “I went for a run,” her words tinged with guilt. “I told you I am not leaving, Kate”. She tightened her hold on Kate, as though the simple act of holding her would shield Kate from the fear, the confusion, the hurt that was flooding both of them. “I’m here,” Yelena continued, her voice shaking. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

Kate’s sobs only intensified, and Yelena could feel her heart breaking even further. The vulnerability in Kate’s voice, the hurt, was almost too much to bear. Yelena held her even tighter, trying to offer what little comfort she could. “I made a promise, and I intend to keep it, Kate Bishop,” she said softly, leaning down to kiss the side of Kate’s head.

It was an instinctual move, one Yelena didn’t think about before doing it. The warmth of the gesture didn’t make her panic as she expected. Instead, something inside her softened, a quiet peace flowing through her, and she was surprised at how right it felt.

Kate didn’t react immediately, but she did snuggle closer, her body seeking warmth and reassurance. Yelena didn’t pull away, letting Kate come to her in the way she needed. After a moment, Kate spoke, her voice trembling. “I saw the window... I thought... thought you left. What did I do wrong, Lena?”

Yelena was taken aback, the words catching in her throat. She didn’t know how to answer, how to make this better. All she could say was, “You did nothing wrong.” Her words were simple but heavy with sincerity.

“Then why did you leave?” Kate asked, the vulnerability in her voice almost too much for Yelena to handle.

Yelena closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I... I don’t know. I just... felt odd…I am not used to feeling….well anything…I needed space,” she admitted, her voice small, the words tasting strange as they left her mouth.

Kate looked up at her, her expression soft, genuine. “Well, what got you feeling odd? Is it something I did? Is there something I can do to avoid that in the future?”

Yelena shook her head, her smile small but warm. “You are too kind for your own good, Little Hawk. It was nothing, please stop worrying, okay?” she said gently, brushing a strand of hair from Kate’s forehead.

Kate smiled, a teasing glint returning to her eyes. “Little Hawk?” she asked, the words almost a playful challenge.

Yelena blushed slightly, trying to play it off, her voice nonchalant. “Mhm, you’re the baby Hawkeye, no? Little Hawk sounds better,” she said, though the softness in her tone betrayed her.

Kate laughed, a soft huff of amusement escaping her lips. “I will have you know, I’m just Hawkeye. He gave me the name fair and square,” she said, her voice a mix of pride and teasing.

Yelena chuckled, shaking her head. “Maybe so, and to everyone else, you can be Hawkeye, but you’re Little Hawk to me. Deal?” she said before she even realised what she had said.

Kate blinked, the words lingering in the air, and for a brief moment, neither of them spoke. Then, Kate’s smile softened, the playful teasing fading into something warmer. “Deal,” she said, her voice steady and sure, but with a quiet understanding that hung between them.

They sat there on the floor in silence, the weight of the moment hanging between them. Kate had nestled herself against Yelena, her body curled up on top of hers, resting against her chest. For a long time, neither of them said anything, just the sound of steady breathing filling the space, as though neither of them wanted to break the fragile comfort that had settled around them. Yelena could feel Kate’s warmth against her, the soft rhythm of her breath, and it made her heart ache in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

Finally, Yelena broke the silence, her voice gentle but with a hint of teasing. “Come on, Bishop. This floor is not comfortable,” she said, shifting slightly as she began to nudge Kate upwards.

Kate huffed, clearly not eager to move, but she couldn’t help the small grin that tugged at her lips. “I mean, I was comfortable,” she grumbled, but despite her protests, she shifted herself off Yelena’s chest.

Yelena couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “I’m sorry to ruin your comfort, Your Majesty, but there are perfectly good beds to sleep in.” She gestured offhandedly towards her own bed, her tone light, but there was something unspoken in the way she said it, as though the suggestion lingered in the air longer than necessary.

Kate smirked, her eyes narrowing with playful curiosity. “Are you offering to sleep with me, Miss Belova?” she teased, her voice laced with mock innocence.

Yelena laughed, the sound bubbling out of her more freely than she had expected. “You wish,” she replied, a wink escaping her lips before she could stop herself. But even as she said it, her body betrayed her. She felt a warmth spread across her chest at the thought, a fleeting surge of heat that she quickly pushed down.

Kate, however, seemed oblivious to the way her words had made Yelena’s pulse quicken. She just chuckled, an easy smile on her face, and got to her feet. Yelena watched her, trying to pretend that the heat in her cheeks wasn’t noticeable, trying to focus on the easy banter between them instead of the strange fluttering feeling that still lingered in her chest.

---

Rather than actually going to bed, they both made their way downstairs. By now, it was already nearly noon, and breakfast had long passed. The kids were still home, enjoying their holiday break from school, Nathaniel, Lila, and Cooper were sprawled out in the living room, their attention fully absorbed in a game of Mario Kart on the Switch. Clint and Laura were sitting at the kitchen island, watching the kids with relaxed expressions, enjoying the chaos of it all. The open-plan layout of the house allowed them to keep an eye on everything from their spot at the counter, and the casual hum of family life filled the space.

Kate and Yelena moved past the kids, Kate's need for a coffee driving them towards the kitchen. She was running on fumes, emotionally and physically drained, and the only thing that could help her function right now was the promise of something warm and caffeinated.

As they entered the kitchen, Laura and Clint looked up, greeting them with friendly smiles. Clint’s gaze lingered on Kate for a moment longer than necessary, and she felt a small pang in her chest. He gave her a look, one that was full of understanding, of quiet concern. It was a look that told her he knew something had been wrong, knew that she had been crying.

Kate quickly shifted her gaze to Laura, and the brief exchange between them was enough to reassure Kate. Laura gave a subtle shake of her head, her silent message clear: I haven’t told Clint anything yet.

Kate exhaled quietly, relieved, but she wasn’t sure why. There was no reason to hide it from Clint, but for some reason, she wasn’t ready for him to know. Not yet.

Clint broke the silence with a casual smile, leaning back slightly. “What’s up, kiddo?” His voice was light, but his eyes narrowed slightly as he observed the subtle back-and-forth between Kate and Laura.

Kate shrugged, trying to mask the rawness in her voice with a playful tone. “Uh, not much, old man. How’s your morning?” She smiled at him, the hoarseness of her voice still betraying her, but the light in her eyes was back, brighter than before. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

“All good!” Clint said with a lighthearted smile, but he lingered on Kate, his gaze softening with concern. “Did you sleep well? How are the nightmares?” he asked gently, his voice quieter now, as though he was trying to navigate around something delicate.

For fuck’s sake, Kate thought to herself. She had purposefully lied to Yelena, telling her she didn’t have nightmares so that Yelena wouldn’t think she was weak. And now Clint had just exposed her secret, pulling it out into the open without warning.

“Nightmares, Kate Bishop?” Yelena’s voice cut through the moment, her eyebrow raised as she shot Kate a knowing look. “What happened to you not having them?” she teased because of course Yelena would call her out like that.

Kate couldn’t meet her gaze, feeling her face flush with embarrassment. “I… uh… fine. Yes, I have them,” she mumbled, her voice dropping. “I just didn’t want you to think I was weak or childish or whatever.”

Yelena’s eyes softened slightly, but she didn’t back away from her teasing. “You are not the only one who has nightmares, Kate,” she said, her tone unreadable. Kate wasn’t sure if that was a hint that Yelena had them too, or if she was simply trying to comfort her, trying to make her feel less alone in it.

Clint chimed in, his voice steady, the concern still present but softened by the years of experience in this family. “Exactly, kiddo. No need to be embarrassed.”

Kate huffed, feeling the heat in her cheeks. She shrugged it off, trying to downplay the vulnerability that still hung in the air. “Yeah, whatever. I had a nightmare, but I got up and Laura was awake, and we had coffee, and it was fine,” she said, her tone dismissive but with a touch of forced lightness.

“Laura is the best at comforting after nightmares,” Clint said with a proud smile, his eyes shining as he looked over at his wife.

Laura smiled back, the easy warmth in her expression unmistakable. “Had a lot of practice. Between you, Nat, and the kids? It was pretty much never-ending,” she joked lightly, her voice full of affection.

But Yelena’s attention snapped to her at that. “Natasha had nightmares?” she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, the question more vulnerable than she intended. This was yet another thing about her sister that she didn't know and that hurt more than she could even explain.

Clint nodded, his face softening as he glanced at Yelena. “When she first got out of the Red Room, the nightmares were bad, yeah. She would scream, cry, sometimes even wake up not knowing where she was.” He took a slow breath, his gaze flicking to Yelena, almost as if he was reading her. “But it got better over time. I know she still had them from time to time, even later on, but she wasn’t plagued by them like she was.”

Yelena nodded, her face carefully controlled, but something flickered in her eyes, something Kate couldn’t quite place. Kate glanced at her, trying to read the expression on her face, but it was no use. Yelena’s mask was firmly in place.

“Well, I hope mine go away,” Kate said, her voice a little shakier than she intended as she tried to lighten the mood. “Being afraid to sleep isn’t fun. I’m fucking tired,” she added with a half-laugh, hoping the joke would ease the tension, even if just a little.

Her attempt to deflect with humour wasn’t completely successful, but at least it gave the conversation a shift. Everyone in the room seemed to understand her need to downplay it, even if it was clear the subject still weighed heavily on her.

Kate and Yelena spent the rest of the afternoon talking with Clint and Laura, the conversation shifting between lighter topics as everyone tried to get to know Yelena better. Yelena, though still unsure about who she truly was, did her best to answer their questions honestly, even when the answers didn’t come easily. The more they spoke, the more questions shifted to others, and Yelena found herself learning about Kate in return. She loved hearing the stories, the little details about Kate’s life, and it seemed Kate enjoyed sharing them just as much.

Kate’s smile slowly returned, her usual spark reigniting, as if the weight she had been carrying had finally lifted, even if just for a little while. Her energy was higher now, brighter, and she seemed more like herself, relaxed, happy, content. The warmth was back in her eyes, and there was a playful glint to her that had been absent earlier. She wasn’t carrying the same heaviness anymore, at least not in this moment.

Yelena, for her part, seemed to have pushed aside whatever internal turmoil she was dealing with, choosing to ignore it in favour of the back-and-forth banter she had with Kate. They fell back into their usual rhythm, teasing each other, making jokes. Yelena frequently took jabs at Clint, who would roll his eyes in mock indignation, but Kate would howl with laughter at each one, even if the joke was borderline ridiculous. Yelena’s deadpan delivery only made it more amusing to her.

Laura watched the two of them, her expression a mixture of amusement and knowing. There was a subtle, unspoken connection between Kate and Yelena, something that seemed to pulse between them every time their eyes met. Every so often, they would get lost in one another, their focus drifting, as if the rest of the world faded away for just a second. Then, as if snapped back to reality, they would redirect their attention to Clint and Laura, but the undercurrent of something deeper still lingered in the air, unnoticed by either of them.

Laura raised an eyebrow as she glanced between them, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She had seen this before, this quiet, budding connection and she wasn’t blind to the way the two of them seemed to fit together, even if neither of them had fully realised it yet.

---

The hours passed quickly, and before long, dinner was served. Afterwards, Lila insisted that Kate take her outside to practice archery. Kate agreed eagerly, happy to have something active to focus on. Clint joined them, and the three of them, with Lucky tagging along to chase after the arrows, headed outside, the excitement palpable. Nathaniel and Cooper, however, were content to return to their video games, leaving the rest of the house filled with a more peaceful energy.

But Laura had other plans. With a quiet purpose behind her calm demeanour, she pulled Yelena aside, her smile warm but with an edge of something unreadable. "Can we speak?" she asked, her voice soft but firm.

Yelena's heart skipped a beat. Her mind raced, trying to figure out what this conversation could be about. There was a hint of unease that she couldn't shake, a flutter in her chest that she couldn't quite place. She schooled her expression, hiding the rush of emotions threatening to show. With a stiff nod, she followed Laura into the next room, her footsteps more hesitant than she cared to admit.

"What's up?" Yelena asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but her gaze lingered on Laura’s for a moment longer than she intended, a silent challenge hiding in the depths of her eyes.

Laura didn’t answer right away. She simply smiled, that soft, knowing smile that always made Yelena feel like she was being seen in ways she wasn’t prepared for. "Nothing’s up, honey," Laura replied, her voice smooth, but with a quiet weight beneath it. "I just thought we could have a little chat."

Yelena's pulse quickened, but she didn't show it. Instead, she watched as Laura moved toward a cabinet, opening it with the ease of someone who had done this a thousand times. Laura pulled out a bottle of fancy Russian vodka, the label nearly identical to the ones Yelena had seen back home. She poured two glasses with a practised hand, the liquid glinting in the soft light.

Yelena raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued, and a tiny knot of anxiety settled in her stomach. "Why are you trying to get me drunk, Mama Barton?" she teased, her voice light, but the undercurrent of tension was still there, no matter how much she tried to mask it. The nickname had started as a tease earlier in the day but it felt right, and Laura seemed to like it too, so it stuck. But right now, Yelena wasn’t sure how much of this conversation was lighthearted and how much of it was serious.

Laura chuckled, the sound airy and warm. "I’m not trying to get you drunk, I just thought it might help with the next question I’m going to ask." Her smile widened, her eyes sparkling with a glint that sent an unexpected shiver down Yelena’s spine. There was something else there, something that made Yelena instinctively brace herself.

She didn’t have time to respond before Laura handed her the drink, and she threw it back in one go, bracing herself for whatever was coming next. She took a breath once she had swallowed before muttering, "go on…" her voice steady but betraying the nerves she was trying to mask.

Laura chuckled softly, mirroring Yelena's movements as she took a sip from her glass, the familiar warmth of the vodka momentarily grounding them both. But then, just as quickly, the atmosphere shifted. The smile remained on Laura’s lips, but something more serious crept into her gaze, a quiet intensity that immediately put Yelena on edge.

"Do you have feelings for Kate?" Laura’s question hung in the air like an anchor, settling heavily between them, demanding an answer that Yelena wasn’t ready to give.

Yelena froze, the glass almost slipping from her hand as Laura’s words slammed into her with the force of a punch. It was like the room around her tilted, spinning out of control, the air thick with the weight of her unspoken thoughts. Her mind went blank for a moment, scrambling to latch onto something, anything, to say in response. She wanted to say something, anything, but all she could do was stare at Laura, her heart pounding in her chest.

Do I have feelings for Kate? The thought hit her like a tonne of bricks. She certainly felt something when she was around Kate, the ache in her chest, the flutter in her stomach, the warmth that spread through her veins whenever their eyes met. But were those the feelings?

No. Those kinds of feelings had been trained out of her, buried deep in the dark corners of her mind. Widows weren’t allowed to feel, to love. They couldn’t form bonds, not in the way others could. Those things were weaknesses, things that could get you killed. Love was a distant memory, something that felt like a story told by someone else.

Or was it?

The question lingered, refusing to be shaken off. Could I have feelings for Kate? Could a widow feel something like love? All those moments, the worry, the care, the protectiveness, the way her heart twisted whenever Kate was in pain. It made sense, the strange pull she felt, the desire to be near Kate, to be part of her life. The doubt gnawed at her, the uncertainty curling up inside her like a snake in the grass. She wasn’t sure if she was afraid of the answer or afraid of what it might mean.

But the silence between them stretched on, and Laura was waiting, watching her closely, her expression soft but expectant. Yelena’s mind raced, but her mouth couldn’t form the words. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face what that answer might be.

"I... uh... no, what makes you think that?" Yelena stuttered out, the words tumbling from her mouth in a way that felt utterly foreign to her, like she was suddenly stripped of the composure that had always come so easily.

Laura smiled knowingly, a gentle curve to her lips, as if she’d been waiting for this moment all along. "Well, first you spend days going to her penthouse to find her. Then, when you do, you save her from... well, you know," she said, her voice soft, but with an underlying weight to it. She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts before continuing, her eyes never leaving Yelena. "Then you go out of your way to come here, and I know that was big for you. And finally, I see you, sneaking glances, your eyes warming from that cold stare you put on, softening when you look at her. There is something, Yelena. I know there is."

Despite the warmth that seemed to burn in her chest whenever Kate was near, and the copious evidence that she did in fact feel for Kate, Yelena forced herself to suppress it.

"No, Laura," she said firmly, her voice surprisingly steady. The words felt wrong on her tongue, but she forced them out, determined to convince herself. "I am incapable of those sorts of feelings. They were trained out of us. She is my friend."

The words came out with more conviction than she felt, a defence mechanism, but even as she said them, a part of her, a small, oh-so-frightened part questioned whether she was lying to herself.

Laura smiled softly, her eyes filled with something akin to wistfulness. “Wow, every time you speak, you’re more and more like Nat. I know you two weren’t blood, but you’re definitely sisters,” she said with a warmth in her voice that Yelena wasn’t used to hearing.

Yelena looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?” she asked, her tone uncertain, the words hanging between them like an unfamiliar weight.

Laura sighed, her smile fading as she leaned back slightly, her posture shifting, as though the weight of the words she was about to say was heavy on her shoulders. She stared ahead for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking, as though gathering herself. "Well, Natasha..." She paused, her voice softening, taking on a reflective tone. "She loved someone. A woman named Wanda."

There was a faint tremor in Laura's voice as she spoke the name, as though the memory of it pained her. "Wanda definitely felt the same, at least at first," she continued, her words deliberate, but her eyes now glistening with the remnants of old memories. She swallowed before pushing forward, the story spilling out even though it clearly hurt. "But Nat convinced herself for so long that it wasn’t love. She told herself it was just admiration for Wanda’s power, that it was... just friendship." Laura let out a shaky breath, her hand brushing her forehead as she tried to steady herself.

Her gaze shifted, focusing on Yelena, and her expression softened with understanding. "Like you, Yelena. She thought she was incapable of love, romance, of anything like that." There was a quiet sadness in her eyes as she spoke, and her voice cracked with the weight of knowing Natasha’s struggle. "But when she finally realised the truth, it was way too late."

Yelena froze. This was yet another thing that she did not know about her sister. The more she learned the more she realised she had known so little about her sister, so little about the life she had led before she died for her. She wished she had known more, had the time to ask the right questions. She wished she could have understood her better.

“What happened? Why was it too late?” Yelena asked, her voice thick with emotion, the pain she felt in the moment almost too much to bear.

Laura took a slow breath, her eyes misting as she recalled the painful memory. “It was years, Yelena. Wanda moved on. The Avengers split up, and Wanda went with Vision. By the time they finally saw each other again, Nat was determined to tell her the truth, to admit it all. But then Wanda was blipped…” Laura paused, her throat tightening as she fought to hold back the tears. “And then, of course, to bring all of us who were blipped back, Natasha died. She never got the chance.”

Yelena stood there, her chest tight with grief and the weight of the information she had just learned. Natasha had died with that regret, with that unspoken truth between her and Wanda. She didn’t get to fix it. Yelena’s eyes burned as the tears threatened to spill, but she held them back, forcing her voice to stay steady, though it cracked when she spoke.

“I hate her,” Yelena whispered, her voice barely audible. “I hate her for being so selfish, for leaving us all. But I love her for being so brave. I wish she didn’t have to die for us.”

A single tear slid down Yelena’s cheek, the weight of it impossible to stop. She had lost Natasha, and now she was realising how much she had never known about her, how much she would never get the chance to understand. The loss, the regret, the missed moments, it was all too much to carry in this moment.

“Oh, honey, I know,” Laura said, her voice thick with her own sorrow. “I feel the same. She was my best friend.” Laura’s tone softened as she reached out, her hand gently resting on Yelena’s arm. “But you need to take her mistake and learn from it, Yelena. Don’t hide from it. Let yourself feel. Go with it. Because the Red Room didn’t take that away from you, and you don’t want it to end up too late, okay?”

Yelena looked at Laura, her chest tightening as the weight of her emotions pressed down on her. For a moment, she was frozen, the rawness of it all making it hard to breathe. The tears she’d been fighting began to spill, but this time she didn’t try to hold them back. She let them fall, her body trembling with the release. Laura’s words settled in her heart, their impact subtle yet profound.

“I don’t even know where to start, Laura,” Yelena admitted, her voice barely above a whisper, thick with emotion. Her words felt heavy as they left her lips, the fear and uncertainty that had been growing inside of her now spilling out. She was used to being strong, composed, detached, but here, in this moment, she didn’t know how to be any of that.

Laura nodded, her eyes softening as she listened. “Honestly, just be there. From what I can see, Kate feels the same, but with her current mental state… I don’t actually know what’s going through her mind,” Laura confessed, her voice quiet, almost like she was thinking aloud.

Yelena felt a pang of something unfamiliar at Laura’s words. The idea that Kate might feel the same, that there was a chance of something more between them was both a comfort and a terror. Yelena had built walls so high she didn’t know how to let them down. But with Kate? There was a pull she couldn’t ignore, a need to be close, to protect her, to be part of her life in a way that went beyond anything she understood.

"I don’t think I’m right for her, not in that way, for sure," Yelena said, her voice shaking with uncertainty. "We’re not even there yet, and I made her cry earlier…" Her words were barely a whisper, filled with self-doubt. The thought of hurting Kate, of making her feel alone again, twisted something deep inside Yelena.

“Why? What did you do?” Laura’s voice was a little sterner this time, the concern in her eyes shifting to something more protective, but still, there was an understanding there.

Yelena flinched slightly at the sharpness in Laura’s voice, but the guilt she felt was enough to make her answer. “She must’ve come to find me after I left the kitchen. But I had gone for a run… I came back, and she was curled up on Natasha’s floor, asleep, but she’d been crying,” Yelena said, her voice breaking on the last words. She hated that she had hurt Kate, hated that she hadn’t been there when Kate needed her.

Laura’s expression softened immediately. She didn’t say anything for a moment, just absorbed what Yelena had said, her gaze understanding yet full of concern. “She was upset you left?” she asked, her voice gentle.

Yelena nodded, her throat tight as the weight of the situation pressed down on her. “She said I promised I wouldn’t leave, and I did,” Yelena admitted, the words tasting bitter in her mouth. The promise she’d made, the one she hadn’t kept, echoed in her mind like a constant reminder of how fragile this all was.

“Well, that tells me she wants you around," Laura said, her tone lightening slightly, but there was something deeper in her words. "She feels safe and happy with you. I don’t think that’s a reason to not try this,” she said gently, her eyes filled with a quiet hope.

Yelena’s breath hitched in her chest as she let out a long, heavy sigh. The weight of everything she had been feeling was suffocating, and it was like her chest couldn’t handle it anymore. The uncertainty, the fear, the confusion, it was all tangled together in a knot that she couldn’t untangle. She was scared, the fear of not knowing how to navigate something so foreign to her, something so vulnerable.

“I don’t want to make her worse,” Yelena whispered, her voice barely more than a breath. She swallowed hard, feeling the weight of her own words as they hung in the air, raw and unfiltered. “I don’t know how to do relationships... I don’t even understand my feelings, not until you said what it was, and then it just clicked. I hadn’t even figured it out before that. I’ve been trying to understand it... That’s why I had to run earlier.”

Her words felt like they left her body in a rush, as though once she started, she couldn’t stop herself. She wasn’t used to being so vulnerable, but something about being here, with Laura, made her feel like she could finally let her guard down. It was unsettling in a way, but there was a deep sense of safety in it too.

Laura stayed quiet for a moment, watching Yelena carefully. She could see the cracks in her usual armour, the way her eyes flickered with something vulnerable that Yelena wasn’t used to showing.

Finally, Laura spoke, her voice gentle but firm, the kind of calm assurance that could steady anyone in the midst of their storm. “Yelena, it’s okay to be scared,” she said, her eyes soft with understanding. “None of us have all the answers. You don’t have to figure everything out right now. You’ve been through things that most people could never imagine, and it’s okay if you don’t have all the pieces to this puzzle yet.”

She took a step closer, her expression warm and unwavering. “But not everyone has a bond as easy as you and Kate. That connection between you two? It was practically formed in minutes. Please, for the love of God, just try. And if it fails, you let me know, and we’ll look after you both. Deal?”

Yelena looked at her, her heart thumping in her chest. There was a quiet understanding between them now, one that felt fragile but real. Laura wasn’t asking for perfection, just for Yelena to try, to take a chance on something that could make such a huge difference. The pressure in her chest eased slightly, but the uncertainty still lingered.

Yelena smiled faintly, feeling a warmth she hadn’t allowed herself to feel ever. “Deal,” she said, her voice steady even if her heart was still a bit uncertain. The promise felt small, but in that moment, it was enough.

---

Well! They’re so painfully clueless it’s almost embarrassing, but hey, we’ve finally got some kindling on that slow burn huh?

In the next chapter, Yelena might finally make her move, with a little help from Mama Barton, of course. There will be some conversations, and who knows? The fire could finally start burning...just a little.

Part 3 will be linked here when posted.

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in-death-we-fall · 2 years ago

Text

Slipknot

Calculated Carnage: The Numbers Don’t Lie

By Paul Gargano (google drive link)

Ten years ago, the Limelight was a landmark for bands who performed in New York City. Women danced in cages suspended from vaulted ceilings, stained glass surrounded a stage elevated on what used to be an altar and men and women mingled in lines for the unisex bathrooms. Built as a church decades earlier, the site had since been deconsecrated, converted to a nightclub, and angel-shaped disco balls hung where a crucifix was once suspended. It was the perfect–not to mention haunting and eerie–setting for the inspired debauchery of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll that made the late ‘80s and early ‘90s such revered times. And almost a decade later, recently reopened, it was the perfect venue to host the live chaos that is Slipknot.

Had there still been cages, more timid members of the crowd may have fled for them, seeking sanctity from the madness that overwhelmed the mosh pit, a floor previously occupied by rows of pews. In stark contrast to the gothic styling of the stained glass that overlooked them, Slipknot’s red jumpsuits were bright and glaring, punching into the flashing strobes and lights that lit the stage and sold-out crowd. It was a venue far too small for Slipknot–who had made their network television debut only hours earlier on Late Night With Conan O’Brien–but what it lacked in size, it made up for in character, with fans occupying choir lofts that overlooked the insanity.

It’s been a whirlwind year for Slipknot, and post-show was no exception, where #1 and #2–drummer Joey and bassist Paul, who both founded the band with #6, custom-percussionist Shawn–took some time away from the post-show madness to offer their insight behind the band that has taken the world by storm over the past year. They left the following morning for a European tour that was ultimately cut short by a personal issue at home–says Joey, “When you get a call that brings you back to where your whole mind should be, you’ve gotta take care of that stuff first and foremost”–and in the midst of planning this summer’s anticipated Tattoo The Earth tour with Sevendust and Coal Chamber, are already at work on their sophomore album, which they hope to release early next year. Who knew Des Moines, Iowa could be so inspiring?

METAL EDGE: Looking at what’s going on with today’s hard rock/metal scene, it’s starting to look a bit like the rap industry, with all the separate camps and alliances. #1 (JOEY): Honestly, that type of shit disgust’s (sic) me. #2 (PAUL): We don’t need it. It’s not that we’re going out of our way, we just say what we feel, so either take it or leave it. Korn opened a lot of doors when they came out, and that’s that. Limp Bizkit, well, I’m not going to go there… Wes [Borland] is a good guitar player. It’s scary. I picked up a magazine yesterday with a “Slipknot vs. Limp Bizkit” poll for fans to vote on, and it came out to be Slipknot over Limp Bizkit like 70% to 30%. I don’t know how that happened and I’m very worried about… I mean, you got a magazine that caters to the teenybopper metal crowd, and you’ve got every fucking issue with Korn, Marilyn Manson, Limp Bizkit and Orgy. And now Slipknot’s in every issue–I don’t like that. The thing is, I guess I can’t help it because if it matters that much to the kids, I say, “thank you.” You know how appreciative we all are, you’ve hung out with the band. You know how humble we all are about what’s happening to all of us. But, when the next record comes out, our record label is not going to fucking hear it until it’s done. No one’s going to hear it. No studio reports. There’s not going to be anything done. We’re going back to our old, old, old fucking dingy practice room with my mom coming down and fucking doing laundry in the middle of practice. That’s the way it needs to be done because we’ve accomplished this on writing music that we thought filled our emotional need. Now, the emotional need has been magnified so much because of the experiences we’ve been through, so it’s just gonna be a massively, apocalyptic, totally sick and disgusting record.

ME: Do you realize the impact you’re having on your fans? I was at your instore in New York City and it was more enthusiastic than any I’d seen before. Your fans really seem to connect with you. #1: Yeah, well that’s the thing. People always talk about needing to branch out and try different things, and I’m okay with that. We want to get our music out to different crowds, but I sometimes don’t. I wanna make sure that we please the fans that were there from the beginning and understood every aspect when no one else understood. I wanna make sure that that fan remains happy for every record. We expected to sell maybe 150-200,000 records–And not until after two years of touring. Well, I guess we filled a void in those kids… They needed this band for awhile. That’s the whole thing, I don’t necessarily want to lump myself in with those bands because I feel we have nothing in common with them, but I give total respect to Korn because on their first fucking record they opened up so many doors and they did something completely original. You’ve got the mainstay, bands like Black Sabbath, and they’re got a bunch of imitators, but there’s only one Black Sabbath. I’m not a fan of Limp Bizkit, but there’s only one of them–Even though they came after Korn. You’ve got the Deftones and stuff, they all have very energetic and very, at times, liberating music. Limp Bizkit I can’t get into, I’m not a fan, and I think we’re the total opposite of a lot of that stuff that band stands for. It’s for some people, it’s not for some people, and I don’t want to be liked by everyone–That’s the scary thing. It’s so weird that so many people have identified with what we’re doing now–It’s very scary. #2: Yes! And it’s amazing, too, because we don’t get a lot of help from the radio and MTV like these other bands. We occasionally get our video played, and there are some radio stations, but it just proves that the kids need something different. They’re sick of the same old shit being pumped down their throats.

ME: There’s an extra psychological burden, “We’re not just a band anymore, we’re a cultural force.” Did you ever want that? #1: You know what? Yes, I have, and I love the fact, I’m very fucking fortunate and grateful. I do not want to decrease it in any way. I do want to make it bigger. I wanna make it bigger by keeping the fire real and by keeping the emotion and all that shit real. And not worrying about my record label breathing down my neck like they did last time for rough mixes and fucking, “Can you try and make…” No! Ther’s why the ante has been upped on making such a fucking… You could even say it’s overcompensated and fucking disjointed as far as our personalities are concerned. We were going to record in May, but we’re going to stay out and tour because the demand for the record and the demand for us to tour now is so huge in the States–We haven’t been there, we really haven’t toured since early January and that was only like two-and-a-half weeks. Our shows were sold-out, but now we’re selling 30,000 copies a week and we’re beating the system by being played on MTV–which I’m not a fan of–and radio stations like the L.A. K-Rock and the New York K-Rock. I guess I thank them for playing us–We could have it a lot worse–but the fact is, the next record probably wouldn’t turn out the same because we’ve been through a lot of experiences now. We’re going to work so hard on it and I think it’s going to be so ground-breaking for the fact that when you go through all the things we’ve just gone through, it will never be like this again. That’s why it’s very hard for a lot of bands to copy their first record and I love that people say that. Our first record is that good. It is a very pinnacle-type album. I’m so glad that people say that because I still have that hunger that I had when I was fucking playing in front of three people in Lincoln, Nebraska with a bartender and then a cat outside, grasshoppers and fucking crickets. We are maintaining that type of a focus. #2: When we started this band, I knew it was something kids needed. I didn’t think it would be like this, but I had a feeling. Nothing’s settled in yet. We’re on the road playing shows, and that’s basically all that’s settled in! Get up and play another show! [Laughing]

ME: But it’s not enough to just “play another show” every night, you guys are beating the crap out of each other and takin’ bumps. #2: Who wants to see a band up onstage staring at their shoes? That’s not entertaining. We definitely have our bruises and our sore body parts after shows, but once we get the masks and coveralls on, I could have a broken leg and still go out there. In Australia, I tore cartilage in my knee, I couldn’t bend it, and I just taped it up really well and went out there. Shawn’s played with broken ribs. We just don’t feel the pain.

ME: You need to look into some aspirin endorsements! #2: Advil would be real nice! [Laughing] It hurts, the masks aren’t comfortable at all–it would be awesome to play in shorts and a t-shirts (sic), but that’s not us. After the show we can rest all we want.

ME: There’s a definite sense of surprise in your stage show, you never know what’s happening next. Does anyone ever take it too far and cross the line? #1: No. It can never go too far. Never too over-the-top. For a band like us, that’s the first sign of us not being what we stand for.

ME: Joey, from your vantage point onstage what do you see looking out from behind your kit? What goes through your head? #1: Honestly, I can’t even put that in words. You’re the first person that ever asked me that, but it’s something that I think about every day. I guess I see the other side of when I was in the audience watching Slayer or Metallica. I’m usually the first person out onstage, and everytime I come out there are literally tears. I really can’t explain it, it’s so grand, it’s so bigger than words. Literally, I’m getting cracked up just talking about it.

ME: Did you anticipate this kind of success, this fast? #1: Well, sometimes, but that’s just society’s control. Welcome it. If it happens this fast, welcome it and use it to your advantage and make sure that you… Like I said, I thanks all of our fans so much for fucking supporting what we have done, because it’s made me not wanna fucking destroy myself. Back in Des Moines, I thought I was literally going to die if I didn’t get to do this. I get to do it now. But, the whole thing is, when you climb one mountain, it’s time to make sure the next mountain gets climbed and the next one .And you gotta re-evaluate the goal because we got this many people on our side now. It’s like Guns N’ Roses coming so fucking fast, the next thing you know, the dude hasn’t put out a record in like a decade. Like Mike Patton, probably one of the most fucking insane performers and songwriters of the decade–He is so underrated, went on to sell millions of albums in the early ‘90s, and continually turned around and spit in everyone’s faces by putting out albums with some of the most fucked up shit I’ve ever heard. We always say that if things get too big, too fast, if there’s no room for the band to grow because we’ve already accomplished so much, it’ll be time for the band to stop. Johnny Rotten said that the easiest thing to do is stop being a rock star if you don’t want to be one anymore–I thought that statement had so much integrity, and it’s had such an impact on me. I think about that quote every day. #2: It’s amazing. Just to be able to see the country and play these shows for kids all over the place, it’s the most amazing thing. I can’t believe people get paid to do this. I would pay to do this! It rules, I can’t ask for anything more. I just sit back, smile, and if there’s any bullshit, I just smile and let it go on by without bothering me.

ME: Do you think there’s a need for rock stars in society today? #1: Yes, because I needed them, and if I didn’t have them I wouldn’t be where I’m at. It’s like giving two cents back to the music that meant so much to me growing up–Black Sabbath, Slayer, Venom and Mercyful Fate. I showed up at the Clash of the Titans tour long before anyone else did because I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Tom Araya, and last summer, I got to hang out with him. That’s a weird thing, but I needed it to become who I am today. That’s why I’ll welcome it if it’s happened this fast, because people obviously needed it. When we were practicing for pre-production of our album, we were in the same rehearsal space as KISS. I was drawing their logos all over my books in school, now we were practicing next to them, we were standing outside listening to their whole set. The funny thing was, when they all left the room, we were stealing sticks and stuff! It’s being that fan, because we still are that. On OZZfest, I’d watch Slayer from the front row every day, not like a rock star standing on the side of the stage with a laminate.

ME: Has being from Des Moines had a lot to do with your development? #1: Absolutely. From day one. Had we come from L.A. or New York, we would not have the band that we have. Honestly, we grasped on to something early on that meant something so much, then you take that and revel in it, building, building and building, practicing, practicing and practicing, and creating, creating and creating. You magnify those three things, you keep it going and you network, and if you can do that coming from where we’ve come from, you can do it anywhere, because it was a virtual black hole that Corey describes as a graveyard with buildings. #2: It’s weird, it’s almost impossible to get A&R people to Iowa. Half the people don’t even know where it is–”Iowa, isn’t that the potato state?” No, it’s corn country. No one wants to go to Des Moines for their weekend! Finally, Ross Robinson came out and said that regardless of the label, he’ll do the record. Now there are people looking all over Iowa for bands, but there’s just the one and only… People were hoping it would be the “new metal Mecca,” but it’s only us! There area (sic) few good blues bands out here, though.

ME: How long was Slipknot in the making? #1: Ten years in the making. From the day I started playing drums, the day I started playing guitar. Me, Paul and Shawn started the band. Paul and I were playing in different side projects, and I met all those other guys because we’d set up shows with friends’ bands and we’d be playing for each other. There was no one in the audience. When you put up a flier you’d get fined $50. There’s no audience. Not a fucking person. And we had no money because we spent it all (sic) drum stands and guitar strings, struggling to buy that shit. There were no newspapers or radio stations that would tell you about the bands. No doubt, man, all this stuff that’s happened to the band? You don’t even hear about it there. We go home and it’s like we never left. A girl that was on Jenny Jones was big news, but Des Moines doesn’t recognize the gold album, selling out all our shows, being on Conan O’Brien, doing OZZfest. They do’t even write about it. You wouldn’t believe it, but it’s the truth. It just goes back to show me why that place is so fucking special, because it’s such an integral part of making music. I’m glad it’s still like that, because when I go back home, the only thing I want to do is get back on tour, work hard on writing music and stay doing that until the album’s finished.

ME: Was there a certain point where you had the vision that would evolve into Slipknot? #2: Well, it wasn’t planned, it definitely evolved. The lack of anything in Des Moines definitely fueled it, and we just went from there. When we got together, we didn’t have any rules about what it would be, we just got together and the nine people made it what it is. All day, every day, that’s what the band is. The band’s my life, it means everything, it’s my family. It’s what I love the most, and it’s what I hate the most.

ME: It sounds like you’ve accomplished more than you ever hoped to, what’s next? #2: For now, just doing our shows and being with my best friends. But in the long term, it’s going to be world domination. That’s what we’re trying to accomplish. #1: Once you climb one mountain you need to reevaluate and climb another one. We’re going to continue to tour and knock it out, all the way through Tattoo. Then we’d like to go into the studio. Then the next step is to take the most anticipated disjointed, apocalyptic, gross-sounding, disgusting type of exorcism you can imagine and put them all on one record. Every song will be twice what every song on the last album was. It’s all about the band maintaining the good attitude and integrity, and the same fire and hunger that we’ve had, and taking that and magnifying it and making a way better album. #2: Our next record is going to be over the fucking top. It’s going to be stupid!

ME: With things blowing up so fast, what are you proudest of as a band? #2: I’m proudest every day of just being in this band. What blows me away most of all is the fact that I get to do it. The fact that I’m in a band with my best friends, playing songs that we wrote in a basement, and seeing all the emotion from people who come out and get it every night. #1: Our middle finger attitude. How we’ve beaten the system in less than a year, all eyes have turned, and we’ve answered to nobody. That’s why I’m glad it happened as fast as it did. Hard work over time? Sure, good things come, but when it happens that fast it’s more poignant and people remember it more. It’s freaky and it’s very surreal, but that’s why I did welcome it. There’s a reason it happened so fast, because those kids need to stand for something. That’s why I think the next record may shun some people. Is it too over the top? No, it can’t be.

ME: Are you afraid of being “too metal”? #1: We’re fully metal, and we’ve always said that. People are afraid of that word because when Pearl jam and Nirvana came they were supposed to make music more open-minded, but they really made it more closed-minded than ever. We’ll always be a metal band.

ME: You were offered OZZfest this year, why not do it again? It’s a big risk headlining your own tour. #1: There are a lot of reasons why we didn’t do it. It was very cool to do it, but I don’t need an encore performance of it. The Tattoo tour wasn’t our concept, someone came up with it and brought it to us and it was something that we were into. We stepped in. It’s cool to start something from the ground up and not know if it’s going to work. I like everything to be very unpredictable, like playing a show.

ME: It seems like you guys have just gone out of your way to defy everyone in any position of power. Is that conscious? #1: No, because we’ve always done it and we still don’t make any money–There are nine people in this band! The stage manager will come up to us before the show and say, “Please don’t burn anything on the stage, don’t throw your drums, don’t break anything…” Well, that’s a bad thing to tell us, because we’re in debt anyway. Break it all, spend all the money! We’re not making any smart fucking business calls! That’s what lawyers and managers are for. It’s all about being in the moment and being in the vibe, and you can’t deny that. If you deny human feelings, you’re a fraud. #2: I think people are drawn to honesty. Who wants smoke blown up their ass? People want to know that we’re for real. People are drawn to it because they’re sick of all the other bullshit.

ME: We’ve heard about a lot of the bands that you don’t get along with, what are some of the bands you really respect? #1: Amen. They’re very good friends of ours and have the same type of fire even though they create a different style of music. I’m a very big fan of Mike Patton’s [Faith No More] projects and the Melvins. I respect all those guys because they don’t care. They make music just for themselves, they don’t let outside influences get to them.

ME: If you could leave your fans with any one message, what would it be? #2: Be yourselves and don’t fuckin’ worry about everyone else. Do your own shit… And, thanks! From the bottom of our hearts, we thank every kid who’s ever bought our album, checked the website out, or given us any support. If it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t be doing this interview, so from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

#if you want anything else from this scanned lemme know!#slipknot #joey jordison #paul gray #metal edge 46-3 jul 2000 #interview #god i love this one 😭

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