#intimidate it with your axe deodorant?

[littlegoldfinchh]

People hate on ashley so much it's pissing me off

[chigirizzz]

❝𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐲❞

synopsis: how your fist kiss with him is like

characters: gojo, yuji, megumi

tags: gn! reader, not proofread as always (it's 3am for crying out loud)

— GOJO SATORU

gojo is a tease and that’s no news for you, it’s not new to anyone. this man’s actions and words either make someone respect him or desire to kill him.

yet, it surprised you how much he could tease you before and during your first kiss.

gojo fucking satoru made sure to make your life hard as hell after finding out how you, even past your mid twenties, never had a kiss. 

“never?” 

“never,” you responded by repeating the word in a cold tone of voice, arms crossed and sending him a dead glare. however, he did not felt intimidated by you—

—instead, he just burst out laughing and looked at you like you were a middle schooler still finding out about life.

that’s how your memory can recall that day. god, you hate him!

and you hate how you never got to experience such a magical moment yet!

but patience is a virtue, right? that’s what people say. and that’s what you’re thinking right now as gojo’s big hand imprisons your head movement by holding your chin firmly. his hold isn’t too strong and neither too loose—perfect to give his lips the chance to dominate yours and perfect for you to free yourself and slap him if that’s what you wish to do. 

but you don’t do that, so his lips curve into a malicious smirk, which gives an electrical shock to a certain corner of your brain—which makes your mouth let it escape a satisfying sound to his ears.

he’s enjoying this. he’s enjoying this so much and so are you.

today was like any normal day, including the newest jokes and teases from gojo satoru about how no one ever felt attracted to you enough to kiss you. although you know the white haired male never wanted to hurt you and it was just teasing, the comment he told you today really hurt you, making you sad and defending yourself to gojo (and calling him stupid).

he listened quietly to your rant. his blindfold made it difficult for you to understand how sorry he was, though.

gojo moves his hand from your chin to the back of your neck, his body language now a bit more rough—his lips more angry for yours by the way he tilts his head slightly to side, guiding you on your make out session, occasionally leaving a chuckle when you desperately try to follow his movements.

you are so cute and he feels so superior in this exact moment.

one of your hands moves by itself to grab the cloth's fabric that covers his chest when you suddenly feel his teeth on your neck. he wasn’t doing anything special yet, just mouth slightly open with his teeth ready to give you a hickey.

“satoru…”

“hm.” despite him answering your call, gojo didn’t pay attention very much; instead, he chose to snuggle into the warm skin of your neck, searching for comfort. wanting to be close with you. 

the hand that was close to his chest is now on his back, patting awkwardly but softly. “i…” you cleared your throat. you’re pretty sure he could feel your nervousness. “i hate how you make me feel.”

— ITADORI YUJI

no words to describe how adorable he is.

this sweet boy took you on a date to the oceanarium with a full plan inside his pants’ pocket:

take a shower

after shower, use the best perfume/deodorant (not axe!!)

go to y/n’s house to take them to the oceanarium

look for the best train seat available for y/n (has to be next to the window!!)

pay for the tickets

tell y/n lots of fun facts

kiss y/n

kiss y/n… kiss you…

now that’s a hard task.

in the three months you and itadori yuji were dating, no one had any complaints. the two of you were going at their specific pace, but still able to get out of your comfort zones, just for each other.

kissing you is an example of yuji getting out of his comfort zone—that, and he just loves you very much; the boy just wants to express himself. he cringes at how he stepped away from you awkwardly when you tried to kiss him on the day he confessed to you.

“that’s so cool!” you hugged the jellyfish plushie you bought in the oceanarium gift store tighter, its scent bringing you a feeling of peace. the both of you are currently outside, sitting on a bench at a nearby park, just speaking about today and listening to yuji’s fun facts about the aquarium animals. “tell me more.”

“uh, well… just a second!,” he excuses himself before searching for a piece of paper inside his pants’ pockets… he took one out of the pocket, read it, and realized it wasn’t the one he wanted. “just…—just a second! sorry!

your boyfriend is acting strange today—you noticed, anyone can notice—, but you opted to not say anything. however, you’re starting to become extremely curious.

the wrong piece of paper is roughly and badly stuffed back into his pocket, only for the panic to torment him again when said paper falls from the pocket to the ground.

“what’s this?” you ask no one in particular when you caught the paper before your boyfriend could do it.

“shit, no! give me that!”

“calm down, yuji, i’m trying to read it.”

the boy watches in horror as you slowly read the paper—the paper with the list.

that’s it, his life is over. he feels the pain of the embarrassment crushing him, getting more painful each millisecond. he can imagine how you’re gonna make fun of him, destroying his heart—

“you could’ve just told me, itadori,” your voice soothes his thoughts as you stare at him lovingly. “i would never judge you or anything.”

“after how i denied your kiss the day i confessed to you? me? denying your kiss? on the day i confessed? i’m a moron—”

the palms of your hands hold his cheeks gently. “you’re not a moron, my love—well, you are, but not in this context.”

all yuji got to say was an offended ‘hey!’ before you pulled him towards you, making him able to cross ‘kiss y/n’ out of his silly and now crumpled list.

even if there isn’t much experience between you both, you manage to work it out. it’s a simple but long-lasting kiss—at least that’s what you assume when you start to feel the need to breathe some new fresh air. but you don’t want to worry about oxygen, not when the feeling of his lips in touch with yours makes the blood vessels on your face dilate, making your blood warmer, making your heart beat faster.

you let go of him and breathe heavily, however, you do not get a proper pause because yuji starts kissing all over your face, while tickling your body too. the both of you turn into a mess of laughter and tiny kisses, completely enjoying the moment.

and perhaps you get the privilege to live something that resembles a cinematic masterpiece, as you both stop laughing and rest your foreheads against each other.

— MEGUMI FUSHIGURO

the scenario is really simple: one minute you’re sitting side by side on the sofa while watching a terrible coming of age movie, pizza slice on your hand, all your worries forgotten thanks to the comfy blanket covering your laps, and the next minute you and the dark haired male are sitting in front of each other on the sofa, faces really close trying to mimic the stupid kissing scene at the end of the stupid movie.

“her hand was like this.”

“shut up, why do you want to make things so difficult.”

this was your idea, of course, a perfect excuse to kiss him. in months of dating, you never had the first kiss as a couple and you decided to tease him into doing it, saying how you wished to be kissed like in the ending scene of the movie and complaining how megumi could never do like the male protagonist did.

he knew you were just teasing him, but he felt the need to show you the opposite anyway.

first you were trying to position your heads and hands like the actors and sharing short kisses, until he got tired of the challenge and just pulled you for a kiss without you expecting it.

it was definitely way better than the one from the movie. it was rough at first but eventually it got softer and more romantic. he paid attention to your body language, to how you reacted to the kiss, and when his lips let go of yours so you both could breathe, he stared at you so lovingly you almost felt like melting, especially when his hand made contact with your cheek to caress it.

minutes passed and you were now cuddling each other, you laying on top of him and listening to his heartbeat and him giving you a small back massage, making sure that you felt loved (and that you didn’t say anything stupid again).

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

🕯Anon said : Can I request headcanons with a Modern Au Teacher!Erwin and his s/o is a slightly famous artist like a painter that’s always in the basement. Maybe have a moment where the art teacher begs him to bring them to the school when they find out who Erwin is with. ? 🕯

Teacher!Erwin brings you, a famous painter, to work.

{ Erwin x Reader | tw:none | fluff, suggestive kiss | modern }

{ "Leisurely Sunday in the Villa Comunale in Naples" 1993 by Francesco Tammaro Born in 1939 }

Grassy fields surrounded the old big building as the trees undressing of their leaves onto the sidewalks, currently being swept away by the janitor.

Students were filling the halls, the sound of chatter and laughter following after. Outside in the yard, the whistle of the gym teacher could be heard following by heavy footsteps as the football team started their morning practice. Not long after the bell rang, the halls were empty again only for some crumbled papers and snack covers left behind.

"Pigs, all of them. There's a trashcan right there." Levi scrunched his nose at the smell of axe spray and deodorant near the trophy cases. "Tell Miche to spray his running monkeys with soap every once in a while."

"Now now, what got you so grumpy this early in the morning?" Adjusting the lab coat on their suit, Hange replied. "Oh cut the kids some slack, their big game is coming soon or something."

"And he's been implenting a more strick hygiene policy." Said Erwin, holding a plastic binder with a stack of exam papers, mostly marked red. "He's trying to convince the principal to ban deodorant during practice because it's making his nose burn."

Huffing in response, Levi crossed his arms. "Yeah because the principle will definitely listen to him after that whole sniffing people scandal- Hey! Brats, don't you have classes"

As Levi went to scold the two students currently hanging a handmade poster for the upcoming game on the wall, a couple of students came up to Hange, looking in a hurry as they explained the Science lab was locked and they're getting tired of sitting on their backpacks outside.

Soon after, Erwin too made his way to class.

Upon entering the room, the talking quieted down as the squeaking sound of people going back to their own desks followed. Walking upfront, Erwin dropped the binder on his desk beside the empty mug, a couple of groans filled the room as the students realised what it was.

"Mr.Smith, didn't we just take the test yesterday? Shouldn't you like...I don't know double check or something? Maybe you rushed grading them?" One student called from the back as some chuckles and agreement followed from the rest.

Taking the stacks of papers out, Erwin made his way between the students, giving each on their graded paper. "I don't know Connie, maybe you should've double checked your answers instead?"

The playful atmosphere of the classroom was cut short as the door slammed open, making everyone freeze in their seats, none other than the art teacher walked in.

Nile Dawk, current art teacher who fails at least a quarter of his class each year. Who has oh just the most swell relationship with Erwin and anyone can tell you that.

You see, Erwin adored art, both the classic and the modern. Nile admired history and knew just how each art era had its link to a historical event.

And the pair couldn't stand each other.

Crossing his arms, Nile said "Erwin, you have explaining to do." Before dropping a newly printed magazine onto his desk, 

Its cover, showing a brand new art museum that just finished construction and is hosting a lot of different paintings from unrecognised underground talents. 

"Nile, I think you misunderstand. I teach history, I'm not an architect." He said raising an eyebrow, before tilting his head as if he's deep in thought, "or do you want me to explain what a museum is?"

Sneering at his remark, Nile flipped through the pages till he reached a certain one. It depicted a one of the paintings that will be displayed in the museum, a portrait of a blond man with broad shoulders and sharp blue eyes seemingly distracted from reality by the book in his hand.

The soft glow of the fireplace next to the red armchair he sat in, adding a certain orange hue to his light complexion. His long fingers holding the leather book as a glass-stained maroon vase sat on the small table behind him, containing a single red rose.

It's clear from the details poured into his eyes and the shading for each strand of his hair that whoever made this painting, held a great affection for the man.

"Now Mr.history teacher, care to explain why your face is on this painting? By one of the few promising artists of this useless generation?."

Hushed murmurs filled the classroom as students took out their phones googling the name y/n, showing each other the said painting while staring with wide eyes at Erwin.

Rubbing his temple with his fingers, Erwin frowned at the scene the other was causing. Knowing very well it won't take long for this fire to spread, he decided to add more fuel to the flames.

He took a long breath, before telling the class to quiet down with a stern expression. 

"Mr.Dawk, are you really asking me why y/n, my love, the person I'm married to, paint me?" He said facing the other, looking directly into his eyes. "Maybe you should ask y/n instead if you're so insisting on forcing yourself in my private life."

Narrowing his eyes, Nile snorted. "You know what Erwin? Maybe I should.

And that's the story Erwin told you while having dinner that day.

He looks at you with pleading eyes as if to silently apologise for dragging you into this mess, his plate still half full and drink untouched.

Please reassure him that it's alright, you don't mind taking a day off to visit his work

He'll reach out to gently squeeze your hand in his, whispering a small thank you as his thumb rubs against your skin.

He also says he'll do the dishes that day, you can go rest and he will join you in bed after a while, a relieved smile on his face.

The next day, as he wakes up early like usual. He makes sure to wake you up with a kiss, stroking your face before murmuring "good morning" against your lips. 

He knows because of your work you don't wake up early, so he's really patient and understanding if you happen to get grumpy for a while.

Handing you a warm drink to help wake you up, he'll make sure you eat something before changing and heading out.

You're not surprised to find him already done and dressed himself.

Hair as perfect as usual.

On the drive to school, you'll feel the cool morning air against your skin while your head leans back into the seat, eyes fluttering shut.

You can have your mini nap, Erwin will make sure to wake you up when you arrive.

When arriving, he made sure to open the car door for you. The fresh air and green scenery surrounded you both.

When arriving at the teacher's lounge, you're almost surprised to see two people already there from how early it was.

The first was sitting on the old black couch near the window, his dirty blond bangs covering his eyes. The second you could see making tea on the other side of the room Where the kitchenware was.

Both of them glanced up when Erwin called their name, staring at the way he had an arm wrapped around your waist while introducing you.

It was Miche who came first, standing from the couch you noticed just how tall he was. Offering your hand for him to shake, only for him to pull you into a tight hug instead.

He pulled away, tapping his nose before a smile slowly formed on his face, nodding in approval

The second was Levi, who ignored your offered hand only to sip on his teacup, assessing you up and down.

Not too long after, a person with a messy ponytail and a colorful lab coat arrived.

They took one glance at you, then the matching wedding rings on yours and Erwins fingers before taking an immediate interest in you.

Hange asked questions faster than you can answer them, with sparkling eyes and a wide smile.

At the first sign of you being uncomfortable, it was Levi who stepped in to tell Hange to tone it down before apologizing to you.

And it was Miche who got you some snacks from the teacher's secret stash after.

You've heard stories and one sided phone calls about them from Erwin, yet it still didn't prepare you for actually meeting them.

While overwhelming at first, the more time you spent talking as Erwin reassuringly sat beside you, you noticed how genuinely interested they were.

Levi, while seemingly cold, was actually the most considerate and paid the most attention to you. He'd step in whenever things got too much and would be really polite despite having a colourful language. By the end of it he even made you some tea, something that seemed to surprise Erwin and the rest.

"It's just...he never trusted someone this quickly before."

Hange was genuinely interested in you, having researched you and your art beforehand. They really were eager to hear even the most boring details and were capable of understanding your way of thinking. They even gave you a small rubber frog they carried around in their pocket to hand out. It would've been cute wasn't for the fact immediately after they mentioned the real human skeleton they have pinned to the lab door.

"His name is bean! I've been actually investing into getting him a human heart for Valentine's day, but all the ones I've found so far were in jars."

The most quiet of them was actually Miche, although he'd smile at you whenever you looked his way. Despite his intimidating size you learned how harmless and easy going he is, the most chill out of the three. He did mention knowing Erwin for the longest time out of them, having been childhood friends even. He promised to tell you all the embarrassing secrets Erwin tried to erase from existence as he added his number on your phone.

"He ain't as proper as he looks, I got the dirt on him."

You saw Erwin's jaw tightening before he changed the subject quickly, giving the side eye to Miche who only smiled back.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, Erwin didn't leave your side for one minute and made sure to check on you constantly. 

He introduced you to the rest of the teachers and seemed only amused at any teasing he got from students passing by.

By the end of the day, as the sun began to set and the students already done with their clubs, you and Erwin had one final place to go.

The art classroom.

"Just one more thing before that" he told you, guiding you into an empty classroom.

You saw his desk, the mug you gifted him on father's day as a joke sat on his desk, several paper sketches you made were framed next to it.

It was his classroom, with only you and him, the door open.

He closed it.

You stood against his desk as he moved closer, arms circling you, not breaking eye contact.

"May I?" He whispered, licking his own lips.

As he got your permission, he pressed his lips against yours, arm stroking your back before pulling away after some seconds.

He rubbed your swollen bottom lip with his thumb, a small smile on his face before pulling away.

Your heart was still fluttering against your chest as you left the classroom, while Erwin seemed to be smiling at nothing with a slight curl to his lips, steps more lighter than before.

Right after that he took you to the art classroom. The smell of oil paint and sound of brushes scratching against paper filling the air.

Stepping inside, the scratching sound stopped as a certain black haired man stared at you, eyes wide and lips parted.

Disbelief clear in his face, Nile was quick to mask his emotions as he noticed the smugness Erwin was in.

"Nile, I'd like to introduce you to my lovely darling, y/n." There was a chipper to Erwin's voice as he leaned in to kiss your cheek. 

[rosierin]

What the Haikyuu boys smell like ;

Characters: Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kyotani, Atsumu, Osamu, Kita, Suna, Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma, Lev, Ushijima, Tendou

a/n: some very random, late night headcanons I wanted to write down. I've seen so many people do this and eventually it prompted me to do my own 👀

these were super fun to do so I hope you enjoy reading them just as much as I enjoyed writing them hehe

enjoy!

Karasuno

☆ Hinata: Okay. So I know most people tend to think Hinata smells like sunshine or tangerines..etc but NO. Mans cycles 30 minutes to school every morning, UP HILL. Probably at full speed too because he's so full of energy, even first thing in the morning. Not to mention after that he races Kageyama to the gym, then plays volleyball until ungodly hours into the night soooooo you can't expect him not to smell even a little bit of sweat. I'm not saying he reeks— all I'm sayin' is that there's gonna be a little whiff there.

But on a day where he doesn't play volleyball all day long (if they exist) he probably smells like detergent, and a girly one at that because it's the one his mum and sister use. Worst thing is that he doesn't even notice it, it's only when Tanaka and Nishinoya point it out and start cackling at him that he asks his mum to buy a new one.

☆ Kageyama: Clean laundry and deodorant, and it's probably the same one he's used ever since he was a kid. It's called something like "fresh ocean breeze" or sth and he just saw it in the supermarket and was like "yeah, that'll do". LOL I love him.

No spray tho. He uses the roll on type and you'll only notice it if you're sitting real close to him.

☆ Tsukishima: Salt. Jk, vanilla. Mister Vanillaaaa

No but really, Tsukishima smells kinda nice in my opinion. Not that anyone would know— he never lets anyone get that close to be able to tell. I also feel like he has almost no b.o, whether he sweats or not.

☆ Yamaguchi: Clean, just clean. Like fresh linen or sth. I don't imagine him with a really strong scent so if he uses deodorant it's very, very subtle.

☆ Suga: Sweet 🥺 Like baked cookies. Just overall very pleasant and not at all overpowering. And he doesn't even try either, I just feel like this boy's so perfect, even his natural scent is lovely 😭

☆ Daichi: Manly....? Idk- what's a manly smell? 😂 Old spice, question mark?

☆ Asahi: Aftershave. Voilà. Not much to say.

☆ Nishinoya: Like popsicles, or just some sort of sweet snack 👀 He inhales those like there's no tomorrow so he probably always has that lingering scent on him. That or he smells like Axe deodorant, which he probably uses excessively—

☆ Tanaka: Literally just Axe. He uses one that's apparently popular with women? He heard a few girls say they liked the smell of that particular deodorant so he IMMEDIATELY bought it in hopes that Kiyoko would like it too. Probably uses a bit too much, aswell? Idk, he thinks the more he uses, the higher his chances are of seducing the woman of his dreams.

Sometimes he smells like booze and gasoline? Courtesy of his older sister.

Aoba Johsai

☆ Oikawa: Oinks smells like expensive cologne. Pretty face, fetching personality, nice smell. It contains hints of lavender and lemon grass and all the girls love it, apparently.

Sometimes he'll even smell a little bit like a mix of girls perfume since he's surrounded by them on a daily basis. Iwaizumi hates it, and keeps telling him to cover it up with deodorant or something because it's distracting.

☆ Iwaizumi: Fresh mint, but almost kinda icy aswell 🤔 Iwa likes to smell fresh and started using this one detergent back in his first year of high school. Oikawa of course picked up on this new scent straight away and told him it smelled almost intimidating— like it's so crisp it kinda makes you go 😳 Iwa liked that impression though, so he kept using it.

☆ Kyoutani: Wood smoke. Intimidating and heated. You're not really sure why though. He just does.

Nekoma

☆ Kuroo: Books. Yeah I've seen a lotta people say he'd smell amazing, like super smexy (can you call a smell sexy? idk) anyway, but yeah no this science nerd smells like books 👀

☆ Kenma: Hot food. Hear me out— Kenma lives and breathes video games, so this boy definitely brings a bunch of snacks with him as he plays. Like minute ramen and stuff. It's really faint because other than that, his body just smells clean. The boy still bathes. It's just his school uniform that'll sometimes smell a little bit like chicken noodles.

☆ Lev: Correct me if I'm wrong but I think Lev smells ~~**expensive**~~ He uses a perfume that his sister bought for his birthday years ago and he loved it so much that he asked that she buy it for him every year xD He uses a lot though and is told to tone it tf down by Kenma when they were getting dressed one time. Whoops-

Fukurodani

☆ Bokuto: Bo has a very distinguishable scent. It's musky and very masculine. One that easily clings to your clothes if you were to hug him. It also has a certain warmth to it that is hard to explain. It's both powerful yet comforting; a very strange combination 🤔

☆ Akaashi: Like fresh air and a faint hint of men's perfume. Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue typa thing. He's also probably the cleanest out of the Haikyuu boys (after Sakusa ofc). He likes to take care of himself, puts on the occasional face mask, y'know?

Shiratorizawa

☆ Ushijima: ...like oats? Idk— kinda earthy? But without it being overpowering. He's a farmer boy so he'd most likely just smell like the outdoors 🤔

☆ Tendou: Like the blood of his enemies.

Jk. Chocolate! For obvious reasons 🤗

Inarizaki

☆ Atsumu: Like sunshine and countryside!

☆ Osamu: Like a cool breeze on a spring morning. Also rice 👀

☆ Suna: Okay now I think rather than Kuroo, it's Suna the one who smells the most enticing. And it's odd because it's a smell that you can't really pinpoint, it's just really nice. Almost addicting? I feel like Suna's the type of guy you can recognize purely by smell.

Say you'll have your back to him and he'll just walk behind you and you're like:

"Oh hey, Suna."

Idk XD His eyes are enticing and so is his smell, that's just what I think

☆ Kita: Like chamomile 🥰 Just something really soothing and pleasant. It's the type of smell that easily makes you feel drowsy if you were to cuddle up to him.

[packhuntcr]

♒ - cooking/food headcanon asked by @thehearsc

Attempt #2 because tumblr ate more than half the first one, about which I’m super salty.

So, you totally only asked for one but...

I have lots of thoughts on this subject, okay?

Thought #1: Watery mac and cheese? Ten thousand percent the responsibility of one (1) Jacob Seed. But it’s not incompetence. Think about it. The boys grew up poor. Mac and cheese was cheap, plentiful, filling. They ate an asston of that boxed mac and cheese crap. And, being the oldest, Jacob was the one to make it. So, eliminating incompetence as a reason... it was absolutely an unsubtle protest to Joseph asking him to go. True, it’s a rare time even Joseph can make that great ginger sasquatch do something he doesn’t want to do. But just because he wasn’t forced doesn’t mean he had any kind of desire to share oxygen in the same vicinity as Nick Rye or any other idiot. And vexation loves company every inch as much as misery. So, that tupperware of sloppy noodles and processed cheese-product gets dropped onto the table, staring Joseph dead in the eye with a ‘I’m only here because of you and you bet your skinny ass I ain’t happy about it’ expression. I’m pretty sure it was a culinary ‘fuck you’ to Hot for Preacher and every other soul at that barbecue. 

Thought #2: Going back to jacob’s familiarity with cheap, crappy food. Jacob grew up in a house that lived paycheck-to-paycheck in the best of times. As he got older and the number of mouths to feed increased, it became paycheck-to-it-might-be-awhile-before-the-next-paycheck. Throw in there their mother’s progression to a breathing ghost that can’t be assed to rouse to the cries of her children, and it wasn’t Mrs. Seed cooking. It was Jacob.

And not well.

Especially earlier on, before John came along, Jacob had a talent for both burning and undercooking the same item of foodstuff. It got better with practice, but there was precious little to work with. Fresh produce or meat was rare. The boys always ate like preppers: canned, items from that sad clearance shelf in the grocery, things that were cheap, filling, shelf stable. And when the pantry went empty, it was the eldest son out scraping together enough to fill his brother’s empty bellies. Jacob begged. He borrowed, he stole, he hoarded what he could from other sources. Some evenings after school saw Jacob waiting for the food pantry in a line that stretched around the corner, the tips of his ears burning bright as his red hair. But sating hunger, feeding his brothers was more important than his pride. Seasonings were expensive, intimidating to a boy who had to teach himself to turn on the stove to warm the contents of  a steel can. More so, they did nothing to quiet the hunger and thus, were ruled unnecessary. Though he loved both his brothers, John was easily the favorite. John had no memory of their mother’s cooking, knew no other source of nutrition. So the baby happily ate whatever mess Jacob could pull together where Joseph had to force down a mess of oatmeal, peaches in heavy syrup, and vienna sausage. Which doesn't sound awful... Until you consider it was totally mixed together in one pot. But they were fed, went to bed with stomachs that didn’t growl most nights. It was enough.

Thought #3: If you think of it, school lunches were probably the only reliable source of food Jacob knew. They didn’t even last that long, but they were reliable up until that point. And there’s Jacob, at lunch knowing he’s got brothers at home without it. Knowing that the meal that evening or over the weekend isn’t guaranteed. So Jacob’s going to hoard food. He’ll never eat a full portion, not even of school’s sad PB&J. The boy grows up on half-portions, just enough to get by that he might have something to take back to share, to tuck away for thinner times. Dude’s thin most of his life. 6′4″ and gangling, but on such a broad frame. Jacob Seed wasn’t made to be slim. Look at the size of his hands, the breadth of his shoulders. 

The first time Jacob finishes a meal without being hungry, he’s 18 and in the army. 18 fucking years old before he goes to bed with a full belly. Because, up until that point, he’s been too poor, been setting food aside, been trying to feed two more on enough for one. By the time he’s made it through Basic, most of his hope of finding his brothers again is beat out of him. He’s also in a place where food is plentiful, pushed upon him. He’s got a bit of money for the first time in his life and exists in a system that wants him healthy and strong. And lord does that boy fill out. Jacob, in his twenties, is a mountain of a man. Towering, that broad frame finally filled out with the physical labor to ensure it’s all muscle. Then that third tour happens. Miller happens. And Jacob never wants to be that hungry again. So the hoarding resumes. And it never stops. Not when he’s homeless. Not when his brothers find him again.

I guarantee you there are caches of food throughout the county. Jacob is a beast about waste. Take enough, take what you need, store the rest. By the time we see him in Hope, dude’s had a reliable source of nutrition for 8-10 years at minimum. But he’s still thin; his hands look massive compared to his body, disproportionately so. He hasn’t rebuilt that muscle that he lost. Because rebuilding and maintaining that frame is excessive. He doesn’t need it and he’d rather set that food aside for later when things won’t be so easy. You bet your ass he has nightmares about those first few years if he survives the Collapse. Jacob's the one going "no, fuck you we need food for ten years, not seven" and living in terror of blight and nuclear winter.

Thought #4: Pork. I see many within this fandom expressing Jacob’s refusal to eat pork, his inability to stand the smell of cooking bacon. And I totally get it. I mean, there’s a reason people are referred to as long pig. And, of course, the incident with Miller is a hugely traumatic moment. It's a moment that left mental scars every bit as prolific as the physical ones. But, for me and my Jacob, this fails to take into account his pragmatism, the overwhelming practicality of the man. Think about it: henrefers to people as ‘meat’. He actually went so far as to overcome taboo and kill his friend in the desert and consume him in order to survive. 

And pork’s cheap. It’s prolific. It’s an easy choice when feeding the hundreds of the project. It cans easily in many forms. Jacob’s not going to turn it down. He’s known hunger. He’s known starvation. And he’s not going to waste a thing. Jacob Seed would eat your fucking puppy before going hungry. He’d eat you. Hell, the only ones he wouldn’t eat are John and Joseph. Even that is only because, without them, he doesn’t much want to survive. So yeah, Jacob will eat pork. Jacob will eat just about anything you lay before him. He’s probably the only Seed to not turn green at the notion of the Testy Festy. It’s just meat.

What will get him though, is scent. See, when he and Miller got separated int he ambush, they weren’t completely without supplies. Each had only what they carried. A camel-back of water each, the contents of their packs and pockets. There’s a bit in the way of snacking there. Enough for a day or two. But Miller, ever a vain man, Miller had a can of body spray in his pack, guard against the desert sun and BDUs. And he used it. Prolifically. One small comfort in a pit of misery, who’d blame the man? Jacob. That’s who. Jacob would swear Miller went through that entire can in a matter of days. Out in the middle of BFE and the man reeked like an Axe cloud in an under-ventilated middle school locker room. It was pervasive, irritating Jacob’s sensitive nose. So much so that he’d swear he could taste it in the meat pulled from a spit over a small fire. But he ate it.

That’s the trigger for Jacob- strong smells. We all know more than half of men’s soaps, deodorants, and sprays smell the same. And dude cannot stand it. It feeds into his grimy state. Who’d want to bathe regularly with that memory in a bottle right there? Given the years, the severity of the trauma, it’s spread. Any strong, chemically manufactured scent will remind Jacob. He thinks John fucking reeks with all that hair product, cologne, fine soaps and detergents. 

[unholyhelbiglinked]

Poppy | Chapter One

||Two years earlier||

Fuck.

That was the one word that traveled through my mind as the cold metal pressed against my cheek. I felt every groove of the locker- smelled every scent that was carried in the row of iron cesspools the school system provided. Whether it be a rotten sandwich, or some off brand axe deodorant, I smelled it.

The ear that was slammed against the locker was ringing, making the sounds of the hallway muffled and distant as my mind ran. He pushed me so hard against the wall that I felt the warm blood from a busted ear drum drip slowly down the side of my neck as it soaked into my cotton shirt.

"You have the right to remain silent," His voice was gruff "anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law"

I drowned the rest of his brilliant speech out, not up for hearing about an attorney and how fucked I really was. I just nodded when his garbled speech ended. My shoulders began to ache from the handcuffs that so task fully bound my wrists together. They were tight enough for my elbows to touch each other.

The man grasped my shoulder and pulled me from my position, relieving me of the stench a months' worth of unwashed gym attire created. I stumbled slightly as he tugged me along. My heels were becoming a bother, so I let them drop from my feet as I practically tripped over them. The officer had no way of knowing, as his back was towards me. I was sure that wasn't protocol.

"Can you at least tell me why I'm in handcuffs other than the pure pleasure of the situation?" I grumbled as the cold air from the city hit my bare arms. I had left my jacket in the classroom with a set of unassuming students. I could practically feel their stares- knowing full and well that they were gaping through the windows that faced the street, watching me get manhandled into a police car. The officer just grunted as he slammed the door behind me, not saying a full word.

Three months into a new job at a new school and I'm hauled off in a police car. Fantastic. This is just what I needed on my record, which was slowly growing the longer I stayed in the city.

I breathed in sharply as he sat in the front seat, saying some codes I didn't' quite understand before he started the car up, he was still silent as I stared out the window with a frown on my face. I moved my chin down, wiping the blood that was tickling my jawline on the shoulder of my shirt.

"Sorry for being so rough," He apologized, looking into the rearview mirror.

"Oh it's fine," I said "I had a completely unreasonable reaction to being dragging out of my classroom in handcuffs."

He scoffed "what'd you think was going to happen? You can't work in a place like that with your tendencies."

I narrowed my eyes at this "tendencies?" my tone was like ice, my shoulders turned to face him instead of the buildings that went by in a blur outside my window.

"You can't do drugs and be a school teacher. It's one or the other ma'am."

I let my jaw drop open slightly as I furrowed my brow. The fear of being arrested was replaced with the anger of being accused of taking something that would end up killing my body "Do I look like I do drugs?" I hissed, my rage seeping through.

"They usually don't." He grumbled, taking notice of my annoyance.

"I'm not they," I said in a slightly less hostile tone before putting my head against the leather seat "what made you draw the conclusion that I did?"

"The drug test," he said "usually when it tests positive it calls some suspicion."

I was beginning to wrack my brain. Drug test? The one that they administered to all faculty and staff had gone off without a hitch. I peed in a cup without protest, and went back to my job. There was no way in hell I would risk doing anything that toxic when I was just starting off at a job. Maybe after midterms, but not in the first months of my position there.

"I don't' do drugs," I repeated, knowing I would have to prove a point to him, even if he didn't really care. I knew for a fact that he didn't. I was just a routine arrest that may have given him a little more trouble than he anticipated.

"Sure, sweetie" he said in a snarky tone "I'm sure you don't."  

I rubbed my wrists nervously as I kept my back against the brick wall, my head resting against the wall to my right as I pressed my knees to my chest. I kept myself as small as possible.

There were only two other people in the cell with me. A woman who looked to be drunk off her ass, and a man that was holding her hair back as she vomited in the opposite corner, filling the room with a scent that had me craving the stale odor of axe again.

I cringed away from them as a pounding headache began to form. I was glad that all charges from the school had been dropped shortly after my departure- but they dropped my pink slip off too. That was expected, but still stung.

I thought I was a good English teacher, albeit new, but good. I got the kids to the test scores that were required by the state. I heard some of the teachers talking about my new methods while students thought of me as a friend with common interests instead of an adult with threatening authority. I liked it that way. I like the classroom to be a safe place that the kids could just come to and learn a few things before getting on the buses to go home.

"Helbig," another officers voice rang through the cell as she caught my attention. She was unlocking the cell. That was enough of a signal for me to get to my feet. My bare cold feet. They had given me temporary socks to wear, but they were stained with something that didn't have a great look to it. "you're free to go, lucky that a friend bailed you out."

"Friend?" I knit my eyebrows together, but didn't' really question it further as she shut the door behind me and lead me towards the lobby. My feet padded against the floor before she shoved me forward through the waiting room.

It was empty besides the receptionist and I woman I had never seen before. She stood, smiling at me widely, putting me off even more. She was tall, almost as tall as me if I put heels on. Her hair was a deep shade of red that made her shamrock eyes popped. She was dressed in almost all black with jeans hugging her sides. A pitch jacket hugged her sides over a grey shirt. She looked like a sexy biker, but not someone I knew.

"Have a great night, Miss Helbig." The officer scoffed before turning away and walking back through the doors, leaving me with the mysterious stranger who had the kind eyes.

"You bailed me out?" I asked, knitting my eyebrows together in question. She nodded, pursing her pink lips. "Why?"

"you know, Helbig, most people are more appreciative to be free from a jail cell. Now come on, I'll give you a ride."

I swallowed roughly at how forward this woman is. As I saw it, I had two choices. I could refuse and stay at the station until I called up someone I did know with much humility, or I could go with a stranger who just paid a thousand dollar bail. She was already halfway to the door before I started to trot after her.

The night had gotten colder than I thought; the air was crisp and burned my lungs as my feet began to get raw under the pavement. I wish I took those socks at this point. Relief was quickly heading my way as the red head walked up to her car, a black BMW. Perfect. Seemed to match her dark attire.

She unlocked the door, sitting down before I did. I was nervous, but no immediate warning signs went off. After all, she did get me out of a situation that could have been worse than it was. She started the car, filling it with heat quickly- I welcomed it on my numb skin. She didn't put the car in drive, she was just sat there staring at me.

I didn't back down from her gaze, but felt her intimidation taking a toll on me. She broke eye contact first as she reached into the side of her door, pulling out a manila folder. I scooted further away, but felt the door hit my back, there wasn't really anywhere I could go.

"You're a teacher?" She said as she opened the folder. My picture was paper clipped to the front, a bunch of paper was in between the card stock, I couldn't quite read it in the dull light of the moon, but she seemed to have no trouble.

"Who are you?" I said, feeling my mouth go dry.

"I asked you first," she quipped back, she had a point.

"I was, by the looks of it," I grumbled, still a tad bitter about the subject.

The woman chuckled, a sweet but rough sound all at once, her hair fell into her gaze as she looked my way "So you're telling me you're not one for taking drugs?"

"No," I said quickly, maybe a little too defensively as she cocked an eyebrow.

"What about selling them, ever thought about that?"

I was taken aback by the statement. Selling drugs?  It sounded risky, and nothing at all like a 9 to 5 teaching job that I was accustomed to. My breath must of caught in my throat at the initial statement because my lungs began to burn.

"It's not like you have another choice," she said, letting me push the air from my chest in a huff.

"Like hell I do,"

"No you don't." she said in a calm tone that countered my rough one "you were arrested on school grounds due to drug charges. You'd be lucky if a McDonald's would hire you. I'm offering you a job here, Helbig. That's more than you'll ever get again."

I stared at her for a long moment, a bit of anger filling my veins, but it was quickly countered by rational thoughts. She was right. There was no way I would ever get a job. Not in this town anyway. I couldn't move again. Not after Hannah's relocation. She wouldn't want to move again.

"I'll let you think about it," the woman said as she handed me my folder so she could get it off of her lap to drive before glancing over one more time "do you have to think about it?"

"No," I whispered "I don't think I do."