#interpersonalviolence

[phonemantra-blog]

On Friday, Howard University, a historically Black university (HBCU) steeped in a legacy of social justice, made a powerful statement. The university announced the unanimous decision by its board of trustees to revoke the honorary degree awarded to Sean “Diddy” Combs in 2014. This action comes in the wake of a disturbing video surfacing that showed Combs assaulting his then-girlfriend, Cassie Ventura, in a 2016 incident. Howard University This decision by Howard University highlights the institution's unwavering commitment to its core values and its stance against domestic violence. Let's delve deeper into this story, exploring the events that led to the revocation, the university's response, and the wider implications. A Legacy Tarnished: The 2016 Assault Video The video, released in [Month, Year], sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry and beyond. The footage, reportedly captured by a hotel security camera, showed Combs acting with extreme violence towards Ventura. The video depicts Combs chasing Ventura through a hotel hallway, grabbing her by the neck, throwing her to the floor, and kicking her repeatedly. He also drags her by her sweatshirt and throws an object at her. This brutal display of violence stands in stark contrast to the image Combs has cultivated as a successful entrepreneur and cultural icon. Howard University Takes a Stand: Revocation and Beyond For Howard University, a place where social justice and empowerment are central tenets, the video served as a catalyst for action. The university's statement on the matter clearly stated that Combs' actions were "fundamentally incompatible" with the institution's core values. The statement further emphasized Howard's "unwavering opposition to all acts of interpersonal violence." The university's actions extended beyond simply revoking the honorary degree. The board of trustees also announced the termination of a 2016 gift agreement with Combs. This included disbanding the scholarship established in his name, returning his $1 million contribution, and canceling a 2023 pledge agreement with the Sean Combs Foundation. This comprehensive response sends a clear message that violence and abuse have no place within the Howard University community. A History of Allegations and The Legal Landscape Combs' apology video released on Instagram acknowledged the disturbing nature of the footage and the darkness he experienced at that time. However, the incident wasn't an isolated one. Ventura had previously filed a lawsuit in November 2023 accusing Combs of physically and sexually abusing her throughout their relationship. This lawsuit, settled shortly after filing, wasn't the only one Combs faced. Throughout 2024, multiple new lawsuits have been filed against him, alleging rape, sexual assault, and sex trafficking. While Combs has consistently denied these accusations, the legal landscape surrounding him remains complex. A Conversation on Domestic Violence The situation surrounding Howard University's actions and the allegations against Combs reignites a crucial conversation on domestic violence. This issue often goes unreported, leaving victims feeling voiceless and isolated. Howard University's decision to revoke the honorary degree serves as a powerful public statement against domestic violence and inspires other institutions to prioritize safety and advocate for victims. Looking Forward: Accountability and a Commitment to Values The story of Howard University revoking Sean “Diddy” Combs’ honorary degree is a multifaceted one. It speaks of accountability, institutional integrity, and the fight against domestic violence. While this incident has undoubtedly tarnished Combs' image, it also highlights Howard University's unwavering commitment to its core values. Moving forward, this story can serve as a catalyst for broader discussions on gender-based violence and the responsibility institutions have to uphold their values.

[poppyandzena]

Sorry for the long comment. Feel free to post this in pieces or whatever is easier for you. The most recent relationship of Poppy’s is something deserving of documentation. It’s less explosive than the previous ones, but that’s what makes it important.

This isn’t a case where Poppy is claiming assault, abuse, manipulation, or any of the accusations from the more famous breakups. Instead, this seems like a case where Poppy fell for this new person, they met in person, the new person pulled back after the meetup, and then decided it wasn't a good fit.  It sounds like a straightforward, typical dating situation where it just didn’t work out. They seem to have started flirting in either October or November. The new partner came to visit for one week (according to posts) on January 12. So they likely stayed until about January 19th. By February 2nd, Poppy was posting about conflict and how upset they were about the partner distancing. By February 4th, it’s clear there was a breakup/hiatus. And it could’ve just been that, but instead, this is how Poppy publicly handles it:

March 3:  QUOTE: “Mental note, it is not okay to keep someone in relationship purgatory for a month & a half. (with a link to the music video for Stabbing  Westward’s “What Do I Have to Do”)”     People should lookup the lyrics to that song. It is about begging a person to come back because the main character is aware that they were selfish and a let-down, but they’ve changed now.

March 2: QUOTE: “This is @galaxybunny.bsky.social  holding me after our mutual partner leaves over stupid fucking reasons.”  (with any image one person sobbing into the arms of another person)

March 1: QUOTE: “$160 custom collar, check. 3D printed hand painted by me gift box, check. $140 Lovense Toy for distance play, check. Girl doesn't get that the relationship was serious. D'oh. #relationships #breakups #pettybitch”

Comments from March 1 post: “She was supposed to become my sub. I take care of my toys.”  “I like spoiling people. The cost doesn't matter. It is more the meaning behind a collar and toy.”

March 1: QUOTE: “The thing that sucks is that I did everything right & still got fucked in the end. Makes me wonder why I even try.”

February 18: QUOTE: “My therapist shared this with me after a really hard session & I can't stop crying...  𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 i𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞  𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐈 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞  𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐊𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐤” 

February 15: QUOTE “Ghosting is an interpersonal violence used by people who want an easy way out the hurts them and the other in the process. #relationships #ghosting #emotionalabuse  #interpersonalviolence #mentalhealth”

February 11: QUOTE “I understand the idea behind this but I find this way of being emotionally unavailable. What are we defining as disrespect? Is me bringing up something that bothers me "drama"? I get this idea with online debates but interpersonally, I think this is unhealthy. #communication #mentalhealth”  (The image that was shared said: “Silence is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react. I no longer argue & I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.)

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Silver lining: my partner’s abusive ex can stop stalking my account with an alt. He wanted her scared and paranoid. Mission accomplished.”

That’s only the posts that talk specifically about how Poppy did nothing wrong, and how the other person is completely wrong. It doesn’t include the many other posts with lyrics and poems that are sad. Here’s the timeline of the relationship, from only Poppy’s posts:

Relationship starts sometime before November, but very quietly with no tagging, and small references to a “crush”.  This timing overlapped with a very public breakup with Saige, with a lot of drama and posts between those two, as well, but that’s a separate conversation.

December 28: QUOTE “To the girl I am quickly falling in love with…” (link to the music video for Stand With You on a Mountain)

December 30: QUOTE “14 days until I get to see the girl I love”

December 31: QUOTE “13 days until I get to see the girl I love”

January 2: QUOTE “11 days until the girl I loves comes and visits me for a week”

January 6: QUOTE “7 days until the snuggle apocalypse is upon us & my love comes to visit’

January 6: QUOTE “I am strongly distrustful of any person who claims to never experience jealousy, especially if the person identifies as poly. Jealousy is a natural part of the human condition. There is a reason I think relationship anarchy is a toxic system. It violates all known understanding of attachment.”

January 7: QUOTE “6 days until she is in my arms & in my bed”

January 9: QUOTE “3 days, 23 hours, 22 minutes, until the woman I love is in my arms and

January 10: QUOTE “2 days, 14 hours, until my lover is in my arms… Hint to something” (with an image of a symbol of a tattoo from One Piece)

JANUARY 14: While the new partner was presumably 1 day into their week long visit, Saige posted her long statement about her time with Poppy and Zena. This resulted in a lot of attention and speculation from many places, but Poppy did not post much during this time period. There were occasional references to being amused by the drama, but nothing worth quoting.

January 21: QUOTE “Conflict can be generative rather than destructive” (with link to an article)

February 2: QUOTE “Rough from last night. We had lot of hard emotional discussions combined with migraines. I just feel exhausted. I just want to sleep. I hate feeling like an after thought.”

February 3: QUOTE “A fantastic article about emotionally unavailable people. #abandonment #trauma #emotionallyunavailable #mentalhealth #mentalillness www.choosingtherapy.com/emotionally-...”

February 3: QUOTE “I made my boundaries and needs known. It is up to the person I love to decide whether they will show up or let fear reign. I have hope...”  (included an image that said: “Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will”

Comment from February 3: “I am so scared. I have hope but I am also concerned that fear will win and I will lose someone incredibly important to me. God, this is fucking hard.”

February 3: QUOTE “I am exhausted.  #MentalHealth #AbandonmentIssues #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #MentalIllness #PursuerWithdrawerDynamic”  (included an image that said: “I’m not saying I don’t want you…. Cause I do… But I am tired of chasing after you”)

February 3: QUOTE “Barely slept (1-2 hours at most). Panic attacks most of the night. Cancelling my first two appointments of the day to hopefully sleep. If people could not say cruel BPD triggering shit before I go to bed, that would be great”

February 3: QUOTE “How can people who deal w/#abandonment issues/#BPD engage in the exact behavior that triggers them? I get it clinically, but it still hurts. If you are afraid of being discarded, you should have known how painful it is to feel someone distance or say unintentionally cruel things. #BPD”

February 4: QUOTE “Sleep was rough last night. The quality sucked. Kept worrying about about my situation. Thinking about how great it felt to have them in my arms, to watch shows with them that they were so excited share, or their lips on mine.”

Comments from February 4: “I am lucky to have @galaxybunny.bsky.social. They are my fiance. Sadly, our partner needs time to herself due to her behavior & a lot of trauma that was unearthed. I appreciate the care. I hope my love comes back or I find someone who genuinely wants me. Fuck, this is hard. I hope this leads to clear minds & not resentment.”

February 5: QUOTE “I asked her to stop emotionally distance & fight for us. She sent back platitudes, threw my words back in my face, & misunderstood me. Part of me just wants to hope & wait. Part of me wants to mourn the relationship & assume its over. I love her & this sucks. #relationships #BPD #frustrated”

February 5: QUOTE “Saying I miss you and hearing back that they miss you but not as much or in the same way because they “like isolation” is kind of fucked when talking to someone with #abandonmentissues or #BPD. It is a hallmark of being emotionally unavailable. You deserve someone who yearns for you”

February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word”

February 5: QUOTE “Every time I'm about to play #D&D, it falls apart. Starting to think I am cursed.  1) Falls apart because of drama.  2) DM backs out because of life stuff.  3) DM & person who invited us do not communicate & avoid conflict.   4) DM is a partner & we go on hiatus.  Seriously, that shit is frustrating.

February 5: QUOTE “Well, now that me & ZZ's relationship with our partner is on indefinite hiatus. I am also down a DM, which means I am still boned on a D&D game.”

Ah well, it sucks but at least I finally found a Paladin subclass I like... February 5: QUOTE “No matter what happens. It is going to be okay. I am done with letting myself be overly worked up by people leaving & them breaking their word.

February 7: QUOTE “I deserve people in my life who want me & love me & aren't going to use me, abuse me, or be so afraid of opening up/making choices that they leave.  #mentalhealth #love #relationships”

February 8: QUOTE “I’m so tired of being used…”

February 14: QUOTE “Good, but I think we need to address some of the inherent assumptions in poly just as we address the assumptions in mono. As long as emotions such as possessiveness, jealousy, & a desire to not interact with #metamours are demonized or conditions like #BPD are treated as abusive. I won't be #poly.”

Also, bonus repost that Poppy shared on February 2: “A relationship doesn't have to be what everyone in the world would agree is "abusive" to make you feel like garbage. Don't let definitions get you up in your head about whether you have the "right" to set boundaries w/ or end a relationship that's causing you harm.” This is how Poppy feels about people. This is how she handles it when people pull back. THIS is what Poppy wants you to believe NF SHOULD have done, instead of handling it at the hotel, if they really just didn't want to be together anymore and it wasn't just about taking advantage of Poppy. THIS is why people who really know Poppy laugh when Poppy tries to claim that Spawn never tried to talk about things or handled leaving like an adult. There is no way to leave a relationship with Poppy unscathed.  No matter how you go about it, she will make it your fault, vilify you and dedicate hundreds or posts to telling the world was a monster you are.

This is amazingly comprehensive. Thank you.

[x-haled]

What 2019 Taught Me

1.  Love does not hurt

2. Your manipulator can be beautiful. And call you beautiful as well.

3. Vodka doesn’t fix things

4. It’s okay to absolutely crash sometimes

5. True friends stick through the hardship

6. Grande regular iced coffee with coconut milk and cinnamon powder

7. Switch your mentality to “im broken and helpless” to “Im strong and healing”

8. Even pain is for purpose -you’ll realize why you went through what you did

9. Be stingy with your time, love and happiness

10. You are worthy of amazing things

11. Losing people and things is not always a bad thing

12. You can overcome anything

[lifeafternarc-blog]

This is an excerpt from a text I sent to the abuser ages ago, while still actually in the relationSHIT. Just found it the other day. 😢 . . . This became a pattern, kind of. I’d ask the abuser to explain WHY he was treating me like I was worthless. I’d also tell him I felt that I was starting to feel that the person he had seemed to be didn’t really exist. This was before I even knew about narcissism, or knew what he was. . . The abuser would respond by trying to #gaslight me into accepting his behaviour as normal and OK. He’d be unusually nice for a little while. Looking back it’s clear it was just to string me along long enough to get more sex from me, while he scavenged around for a new target who didn’t keep on asking questions all the time. . . . On the plus side, at least I was demanding answers and not just assuming that being treated like shit was my lot in life. However, the truly empowered response to being mistreated is to LEAVE, not to keep asking the abuser WHY he is abusing you. #OwnYourPower #narcissisticabuse #interpersonalviolence #relationshipabuse #domesticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #npdsurvivor #npdawareness #lifeafternarc https://www.instagram.com/p/BsPO8m9HVkA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=nbgzea71u90x

[intersectionali]

At the #walktoendthesilence bringing awareness to #domesticviolence (DV) or #interpersonalviolence (IPV). Are you aware that 1 in 4 women experience IPV and 1 in 3 men experience IPV (in their lifetimes)? These are scary stats! I was a victim myself, as a child and then in a long term relationship. Know the signs. #communityhealthcenterinc #newhorizonsdomesticviolenceservices #middletownct (at Harbor Park, Middletown, CT)

[intersectionali]

#kimcitron introducing Charlene from the local domestic violence shelter to discuss #ipv #interpersonalviolence We are instituting universal screenings for ipv. #communityhealthcenterinc #domesticviolence #primarycare #prevention (at CHC Meriden)

[traumaanddissociation]

The fact of the matter is, if you haven’t been in an abusive relationship, you don’t really know what the experience is like. Furthermore, it’s quite hard to predict what you would do in the same situation. I find that the people most vocal about what they would’ve done in the same situation often have no clue what they are talking about – they have never been in the same situation themselves. By invalidating the survivor’s experience, these people are defending an image of themselves that they identify with strength, not realizing that abuse survivors are often the strongest individuals out there. They’ve been belittled, criticized, demeaned, devalued, and yet they’ve still survived. The judgmental ones often have little to no life experience regarding these situations, yet they feel quite comfortable silencing the voices of people who’ve actually been there.” ― Shahida Arabi #domesticviolence #abusiverelationship #dvsurvivor #victims #victimblaming #interpersonalviolence #ipvsurvivor #interpersonalrelationships #cptsd #complexptsd #shahidaarabi #survivors #abusesurvivors #narcissisticabuse #narcissistsurvivor #narcissistsnightmare From Becoming A Narcissist's Nightmare by @selfcarewarrior https://www.facebook.com/TraumaAndDissociation/photos/a.357820054319427.1073741828.357814604319972/1099275693507189/?type=3

[traumaanddissociation]

When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don't wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the "wait and see" tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition. - Shahida Arabi #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #boundaries #healthyboundaries #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #complexptsd #ptsd #survivors #abusesurvivors #healing #healingjourney #shahidaarabi #revictimization #victimsofviolence #victims #domesticviolence #ipv #dvsurvivor #interpersonalviolence #interpersonalrelationships #abuserecovery @selfcarewarrior https://www.facebook.com/TraumaAndDissociation/photos/a.357820054319427.1073741828.357814604319972/1097406243694134/?type=3

[traumaanddissociation]

“With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically. He or she may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them or even fear they are losing their mind. They have become so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for the abuse.” ― Beverly Engel, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing #emotionalabuse #beverlyengel #emotionallyabusive #theemotionallyabusiverelationship #losingyourmind #losingmymind #beatendown #psychologicalabuse #abusiverelationships #selfesteem #noselfesteem #blameyourself #selfblame #effectsofabuse #domesticviolence #interpersonalviolence #dvawareness #goingcrazy #abuserecovery https://www.facebook.com/TraumaAndDissociation/photos/a.357820054319427.1073741828.357814604319972/1077559379012154/?type=3

[x-haled]

Love is unconditional It is strong and scary It is tested for breakability And if you make it You really fucking make it And it is so often mistaken that love is his warm body on top of yours, being told you’re pretty, And him picking you up at 7 Control is mistaken for protectivity Manipulation for sweet talk And aggression for passion But that is not love Love is certainty It is gratitude It is selflessly wanting the best for the other Do not mistake lust for love Do not blur these thin lines

Do not be mistaken.