#internalize his feelings for months thinking of the pros and cons then

[senseearly]

Always thinking that this is the moment that Kabru fell for Mithrun:

Kabru doesn't realize it immediately. But he knows that he feels warm, proud, when Mithrun smiles. A little perplexed, sure, but the surprise comes with the urge to mirror Mithrun, to smile. And he offers to wipe Mithrun's tears, just because it feels right.

When the Canaries leave, a part of his heart goes with them.

Kabru doesn't think always of Mithrun. He is busy these days - helping Laios with establishing the court; overseeing the construction of roads and infrastructure; mapping out monster-infested areas and dangerous locations; so on and so forth. But when Kabru does - and it's when he eats, tucks his body under the blankets to sleep, sees a sliver of bright silver hair - he thinks of Mithrun's smile. The slight curve of flat lips, the rosy cheeks, the teary eyes. The hitch in his voice as if this is his first time breathing after a long time. Kabru surprises himself by how much he wants to Mithrun again. He's only known the elf for, what, several days. How come he misses him like Kabru misses home?

Could it be that he...No, there's no way. He doesn't see elves that way elves won't look at him that way.

But then Mithrun returns, and it's as if they're back at the feast. On top of the frozen dragon carcass in the aftermath of a foiled demonic apocalypse. Just the two of them, no masks, no lies. When Mithrun steps out of the boat and onto the shore, Kabru feels like not a minute had passed since that moment. The seagulls cry, the wind howls, the sales flutter, like a pair of a skylark's wings on spring, and then Kabru sees it --

"Kabru." Mithrun says, smiling. And Kabru realizes, then and there, that he's fallen in love with him.

[chrrychills]

heya! do u think u could write about the sbg characters confessing to reader and how you think theyd do it?

i'll never love anyone the same .

main six « confessing!

ashlyn banner:

•she acts nonchalant, but she's internally freaking out.

•she's spent days weighing the pros and cons of confessing, and it got the point taylor had to beg ashlyn to just tell you already. her crush on you was so obvious (at least to your friends) that it hurt.

•you two will spend at least five minutes sitting in complete silence until ashlyn starts talking.

•she's not great with words– we know this. but she's spent a lot of time figuring out what to say, how to convey just how she feels about you.

•ashlyn's a realistic person, she knows rejection is in the realm of possibilities and dreads the scenario of it happening.

•she's a naturally blunt person, and that doesn't change while she confesses. it's charming, in a way.

•eventually, she'll just come out and say it because the overthinking is starting to frustrate her.

•"...i like you. i have for a while."

aiden clark:

•he's either super cryptic or really forward, it just depends on how he's feeling that day.

•it's most likely a spontaneous confession– he listens to his impulsive thoughts way too much.

•if he's nervous, he doesn't show it. he's staring at you with that stupid smile like he didn't just confess to you.

•unless you're a little brain dead, you probably noticed he had a crush on you. he didn't make it super obvious, but his eyes always found yours after he made a joke, and he was basically always by your side, regardless of where you were.

•aiden's observant. if you liked him back, he knew. he didn't comment on it, but he knew.

•it wouldn't be surprising if he confessed in the middle of a conversation, which there's a 99% chance that's what'll happen.

•if you were talking, he'd cut you off with "will you be my girlfriend?"

•if he's talking, he'll absentmindedly slip it into conversation and not realize what he said until you react to it.

•"that bio homework kicked my ass... hey, will you be my girlfriend?"

ben clark:

•he's so nervous and it's so sweet. he'll plan everything out because he's a sweetheart and wants it to be perfect.

•when he invites you to hang out, he seems a bit on edge and can't look you in the eye because you're so gorgeous and he will freeze up.

•100% gets you flowers. will also get you your favorite food– better yet, he'll make it. yes, his hands are trembling when he gives them to you.

•he'll spend the entire night before drafting up the most heartwarming message you've ever read. he feels kinda bad that he can't tell you directly, so he makes sure to communicate how he feels the best he can.

•blushing the entire time you read what he wrote. starts internally freaking out while you read because he's so scared you're not gonna like it.

•is literally giddy when you accept his confession. he gives the best hugs ever, so expect one of those.

•goes into detail explaining what he likes about you (pretty much everything) and how he feels about you. if you cry easily (me) there's a good chance you'll get misty-eyed.

tyler hernandez:

•it took him a while to accept that he had feelings for you, so it'll probably take him months to even think about confessing.

•honestly, you'll probably end up confessing before he does. if you don't, though, there's gonna be a lot of unspoken tension.

•he'll end up confessing for a couple reasons. one, taylor will not stop pestering him until he does because it's so obvious you two like each other. two, he gets so fed up with all the uncertainty and tension. he hates it.

•during the actual confession, he's a mess. his face is pink and he's obviously flustered but he'll get so defensive if you point it out.

•he's lowkey fumbling over his words until eventually he just blurts it out. he thinks it's the most embarrassing thing he's ever done– you think it's sweet.

•"i'm in love with you, okay?!"

•"...shut up– stop laughing!"

•he'll be so butthurt until you assure him that you feel the same way. he's still gonna be butthurt after, but he'll be too distracted to really care.

taylor hernandez:

•taylor's really in tune with her emotions, so she'll know pretty quickly when she develops feelings for you.

•she'll give it a month or so until she confesses, just because she's nervous and she really doesn't wanna mess anything up.

•her confession would be really thought out. she'd have your favorite movie, snacks and drinks laid on her bed.

•she'll try to keep it short and sweet, but taylor has a tendency to ramble. there's a good chance she'll go off topic and you'll just sit there, smiling and listening to her talk until she realizes.

•just like her brother, her face will be pink the entire time. she won't get defensive if you point it out, since you most likely look the exact same way.

•"i've liked you for a while now, but i just didn't wanna say anything. y'know, in case i messed something up between us or you didn't wanna be friends anymore- you still wanna be friends, right?"

•you'll have to tell her you wanna be more than friends. she doesn't wanna accidentally overstep by asking.

logan fields:

•he's the type of person that will go through every possible scenario before making a decision. that's why it took him so long to confess to you– he was nervous you'd reject him.

•when he does decide to confess, the first thing he's doing is hand making a bouquet from his grandparents greenhouse. taylor helps him by asking what your favorite flowers are.

•he's also a rambler, but he doesn't go off topic. he tries to keep it simple because he doesn't want to overwhelm you, and it works! he has to physically stop himself from rambling from nerves, though.

•when you accept his confession, he's smiling from ear to ear for a good week.

•his heart melts when he sees that you've put the bouquet he made in a vase, sitting proudly on your kitchen counter.

•audibly sighs from relief when he realized you didn't reject him– and gets embarrassed when he realizes that you heard him.

lacey's notes: guys i've actually never confessed to anyone before so idk...

i'm also running on a 20 oz redbull and two hrs of sleep ignore any spelling/grammar mistakes.

...maybe i'll edit this later (no i wont)

also thank you all for 100 followers yall are crazy ilyilyily

[gibsongirled]

PROS & CONS !!

description: you begrudgingly go to a con, but gained a friend from it.

a/n: i have never been to a con, so please excuse the inconsistencies :3

You were out of place. But so was everyone else. Maybe. Probably.

Anyone within ten feet of you could see that by the way you navigated the event floor. Wonder and awe were the two emotions that painted across your face, a biting feeling of anxiety was also brewing at the pit of your stomach, but you shoved it down until you couldn’t feel much of it. Was it working? Not really, but you’ll manage. You always did. You pushed through the crowds of fans and other content creators, feeling like you were a sardine in a can. You apologized to those who you accidentally bumped or elbowed while crossing the sea of people.

You hadn’t even considered going - you saw the tickets going up for sale months ago - the idea of even attending was the furthest from your mind. But your friend had spam texted you that morning, saying that they had an extra badge and that the person they were going with was sick with the flu and didn’t want to risk it. So you obliged, it was a chance to get out of the house and not spend your weekend bedrotting. Plus you were being a good friend and your friend definitely didn’t want their money to go to waste.

As soon as you walked in, your friend had disappeared two seconds after you two arrived, the crowd taking them away like the sea. You debated turning back on your heel and walking back to the car or just place yourself away from the crowds, but you did promise your friend that you were going to try and have fun. You still knew how to have fun, right?

And now here you were; standing around and waiting for your friend like a fish out of water. “You look outta place,” a voice spoke up beside you, causing you to jump in surprise. You looked up at the stranger, making a confused face and the stranger just smiled. He looked familiar in a way, but you internally shrugged it off. You probably passed him on the street and just didn’t remember him. You chuckled softly at his comment, knowing that you probably had some kind of imaginary sign lighting up above you - like the Sims - indicating that you were new to the scene.

“A bit,” you say, giving him a wry smile, your name quickly falling right after. 

He hums at that, “Schlatt.”

And then suddenly, like puzzle pieces locking together, your eyes widen at the mere mention of his name. So that’s why he looked familiar! You internally chided at yourself, hearing the ‘tsks’ in the form of your friend’s voice. Oh they were going to be so surprised. Here you were talking to a guy who was famous than you and your friend combined, and the only thing you could think about is how you could actively fuck it up.

A couple of minutes pass with the two of you talking about random things you could possibly think about. You giggled at a few of his jokes, finding amusement in the banter that was going on between you two. You heard your friend call out your name and you made an apologetic face, frowning at the conversation suddenly being cut short.

“I have to go,” you say, fidgeting slightly with the badge as you make small steps back, “it was really nice talking to you.”

“Hey, wait.” Schlatt calls out and you look at him with a slight cock of your head. “Are you goin’ t’ be here tomorrow?”

Well, you thought that today was a done deal, but talking to him was kind of chill. Plus, your friend’s going to come again tomorrow, so you may as well tag along with them. To see more of the event. And talk to him, of course.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, giving him a beaming smile. “Yeah!”

[aurumacadicus]

steve/bucky/tony i kinda wanna ask for regency au but let’s do pregnant omega tony and his stupid boys

I did do one for Regency a billion years ago (I think you can find it under both the regency au tag and the 5 head canons tag). I always love stupid boys <3

No one is more surprised than Tony when his test comes back with a second little pink line. He'd thought he'd never be able to have children. His doctor had said he was infertile after Afghanistan, not just from stress but because of secondary internal injuries that hadn't been seen as important as his heart when they'd been operating on him in the cave. Apparently, it was a common misconception that people believed "infertile" was synonymous with "sterile." It was possible to get pregnant, just less likely without medical intervention. Tony was being railed by two super-serumed soldiers on the regular, though, which apparently extended to their sperm count. "It basically counts as medical intervention, doesn't it," his doctors had murmured to each other, as if he could not hear them. So. He's pregnant. He doesn't know who the dad is and quite frankly, he doesn't care. But he does worry how they'll take it. So far they've had a pretty smooth relationship, but mostly because all of their problem-solving consists of 'fuck it out.' Now that he's going to be nauseous all the time and gaining weight and everything, he doubts they'll want to touch him with a ten foot pole, let alone fucking his brains out. But he has to tell them, he supposes, even though he's really not looking forward to them gradually distancing themselves until they can figure out how to co-parent.

"Do you know whose it is?" Steve asks. "It's not even an inch big yet," Tony tells him sternly. "I only found out so early because I have to have checkups after every heat. It'll be three weeks before we can do a DNA test." "Aw," Steve and Bucky sulk, crossing their arms over their chests. Then Steve perks up. "Okay, so. Eight months left to--" "Full-term is forty weeks, nine months left," Tony cuts in. "They always said nine," Bucky says, surprised, then hastily adds, "Not that I'm doubting you, I just didn't expect even pregnancy to change in seventy years--" "Pregnancy and babies have changed a lot," Tony begins. Steve shoulders his way between them, scowling. "Yeah, okay, well, we have time to learn. Great, even! Now we have nine months to prepare." "We?" Tony asks, brows furrowing together in confusion. Steve and Bucky stare at him, then turn to each other and do that thing where they talk to each other with their eyebrows and eyerolls. It takes a few minutes, but then they turn back to him, and Steve firmly says, "Yes, Tony. We. We have nine months to prepare for the baby." "We're all in this together," Bucky adds. "Just because the baby isn't biologically one of ours, we're a team. This is our baby." "...Sure," Tony says dubiously. Somehow, neither Bucky nor Steve look offended by it.

Steve and Bucky jump into research with gusto. Tony has no idea what to think of it, so he doesn't, instead focusing on eating healthy and staying fit. He's older than he'd liked to be for his first (only) baby so he wants to stay on top of his health. He's a little surprised when Steve and Bucky adapt their diets to match his (if with doubled portions), but he figures he appreciates the solidarity, if he allows himself to think about it at all. They get into a deep, deep discussion about the pros and cons of disposable diapers vs cloth diapers. Tony can't even get a word in edgewise as they bicker over liquid absorption in cloth and skin irritation in disposable. Mostly he just waits to see what decision they're going to make. It feels like it's out of his hands. Then they seem to remember he's there, and they ask how he feels about it, and he says, "I'm going to be so tired and gross that I'll just do whatever is easiest." "Oh, we were going to do all the changing," Steve begins, and Bucky proudly adds, "I'm a pro. I changed tons of my sister's diapers," and Tony immediately starts heading toward the bedroom and stripping off his clothes, to their confused delight.

"...Of course we'll have a baby photo shoot," Tony says, bewildered. "I'm famous. We're famous," he corrects after some thought. "I want to put out the first pictures of my child, not have a paparazzo get the scoop." "Oh no, this is a horrifying implication that we didn't consider," Steve answers, putting his head in his hands. Tony stares at him, because this has not clarified anything. He turns his attention to Bucky. "Huh?" "The doctors made it pretty clear that this should be your only baby," Bucky offers hesitantly. "And we thought we should... appreciate every piece of it? So we thought doing some professional photos of you and your bump would be nice." "Oh," Tony says, brows furrowing together. "Um. I guess that sounds okay. Are you sure?" His hands come up to rest on his stomach, palms sliding over his baby bump. "I've got a lot of stretch marks. They're kind of ugly." "Every part of you is beautiful, Tony," Steve scolds. "Do you know how hard it is for me to not lick them? I am constantly exercising restraint." "It's true. He's very annoying when he complains about it," Bucky assures him. Tony raises his eyebrows. "I didn't need convincing. Steve is not subtle when he decides he wants to sketch me." "I'm totally subtle!" Steve exclaims. Tony pulls up his shirt a little. Steve's eyes immediately drop down to his stomach, pupils dilating, fingers twitching before he curls his hands into fists. "Oh my god," Bucky says, stunned, because apparently he'd never noticed before. "IS IT MY FAULT TONY IS SEXY IN ALL FORMS," Steve bellows defensively, and Tony responds, "It's too close to my afternoon nap to get horny, so keep it together. You can sketch me sleeping." Steve punches the air with a cheer. Bucky buries his face in a pillow to try and muffle his laughs. It doesn't work.

Nearer the end of his pregnancy, Tony eschews maternity wear and just puts on one of the alphas' shirts. Everyone, from their fellow Avengers to random people on the street, coo about how sweet and cute it is. Tony has always sort of prickled at the idea that he needs an alpha in his life to be whole, and prickled more at the whispers that he needs an alpha to control him. Not all of his decision to hold off mating was because he couldn't find someone he wanted to settle down with; part of it was also worry that any prospective alpha was holding out to do just that, wait until he was trapped to control him. He doesn't feel that way about Steve and Bucky though. They make him feel... safe. Wanted, even. So sometimes he likes to leave the tower wearing one of their shirts. It gets people to give him space. (And maybe he feels all warm and gooey inside when people gently rib him about it. But that's his business.) Steve and Bucky have never been in more pain in their lives. Tony kicks out of his shoes and pants as soon as he gets home, complaining about his swollen feet and ankles, so he's walking around in nothing but one of their shirts and maybe underwear, because he's complained about the waistband digging in uncomfortably the bigger he's gotten. How in the fuck are they supposed to cope? He's literally never been sexier. They're trying very hard not to be neanderthals about it, but it's difficult when he waddles around the penthouse, smelling of them and himself and baby, wearing nothing but a shirt and cradling his bump. It's a good thing this is his only baby because if they had to deal with this one more time they simply wouldn't let him off his back for ten months. Tony's smug about it when he notices, which makes it worse. He's so attractive when he's smug. It's not fair. (Except the suffering is worth it, when Tony coyly peers over his shoulder at them and lifts the back of his shirt up over the curve of his ass invitingly.)

Bonus: Tony has the baby and Steve cries a lot. He's too scared to hold her so Bucky lets him cradle his hands as he holds her. Tony supervises closely before finally saying, "Well, that was a lot," and promptly falling asleep sitting up. Steve and Bucky gape at him.

[localfanbaselurker]

Watching Voltron:Legendary Defender for the First Time and Recording my Thoughts

S1-2 | S3 | S4 | S5 | you are here! | S7 | S8

<this debrief/review is pretty rant heavy because of how the season personally impacted me, but fret not! i (hopefully) made it to be still enjoyable/fun to read! just a heads up tho!!>

You get to see the “Pre” thoughts before the read more this time! As a treat <3

Pre-S6 Thoughts

->for the most part I think I understand what’s going on with shiro, but I want to really make sure. jussssst in case.

->they gave lance a big focus in season five so hopefully “we” get to see what that’s culminating to. Super excited about that!

->I don’t fw Lotor all that much despite him being the blorbo by proxy (oomf’s fav) but hopefully this season can change that. I’m just beginning to like him (beginning!) and it’s a 400k slowburn melting an ice berg of hate at that. but it’s getting there. soon they’ll hold hands.

->despite my personal enjoyment of allurance, I would be okay with lotura if Lotor got fully redeemed (in the show and in my heart)

-> PLEASE MAKE KEITH COME BACK!! AND WITH HIS MOM!! I’M BEGGING.

->I’ve noticed a sort of pattern where the characters get a specific episode(s) dedicated to them each season (shiro s1, keith s2, keith+allura s3, pidge s4, and lance s5) So hopefully hunk gets his focus episode this season

->I NEED to see what happened after keith found out about krolia

->hopefully more haggar/honerva lore, maybe even lotor lore to redeem him using Tragic Backstory™ points

Post-Season Six

-> what the actual frick.

-> what WAS this season bro.

-> This season had me getting punched,kicked and tortured left and right and up and down and everywhere. the plot twists and dramatic turns and cries and gasps just kept coming

-> this season left me like lance at the climax of a langst fanfic (yk like right b4 they save him and he’s all fucked over)

-> there are lots of things i liked and also SO MUCH i didn’t like this season

-> so pros and cons basically that’s it that’s the “review”

->WE GOT HUNK APPRECIATION!!! HE GOT TO BE THE ENGINEER AND BE SUPER HELPFUL AND ACTUALLY USE ONE OF HIS SKILLS ABDUWBDJSN IM SO HAPPY FOR MY BOY. MY SON. AAAAHHH.

->^LITERALLY LOOK AT HIM!!! HE GOT SOLID CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT TOO!! He reacted much calmer than his s1/2 self would have in a far less stressful situation!!! He grew up!!! HE GREW UPPPP!!

->^He looks like he’s itching to make a gay joke

->why did lance “die” in the first ep?? It was so random and literally served no purpose?? like it was never talked about in the other episodes and was literally just randomly put in the episode’s run time. it had nothing to do with the shield or whatever was going on with Shiro or lotor either

->does it get talked about in the next seasons or?? like it was literally just a throwaway scene

->KEITH AND HIS MOM!!! THEYRE BONDING!!! KEITH MAKES GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!!

->the whole “two years” thing is a little difficult to comprehend on all of its layers but I like to think of it positively because that means Keith and krolia got to spend time building upon their relationship and everything that krolia missed, more than just those flashbacks were “memory shared” between them, and keith resolved some of his internal conflicts.

->however it is probably going to make Keith be even more distant with the team because in his mind two years passed while in theirs only like 2-3 months passed from seeing him in person (if you don’t count 5x04 but they barely saw him there) so the relationships that he was building with them have fallen back a little on his part but the others still feel super close to him, so I hope that also gets resolved in s7

-> LANCE IS CUBAN!!! I got super excited you guys don’t understand. maybe you do considering the notes on my post where I said that. But still. I actually squealed so loud when he said it.

-> The mock DnD episode was super fun!! the calm before the storm though I guess

->i looooved the fact that keith came back to the team but that episode pissed me off SOOOOO FREAKING BAD BRO.

->^“we need to attack Lotor when he comes back” OMFGGGGGG NOOOOOOOO THATS literally so STUPID. make a PLAN first you freaking IDIOTS.

->^Literally if they had just played it cool when lotura came back and then told Allura about everything privately THEN stage an intervention/interrogation with Lotor like in Season 5, NONE OF THAT WOULD’VE HAPPENED.

->^but nooooooo we have to be STUPID and ATTACK IMMEDIATELY because PLOT REASONS. istg. don’t get me started this isn’t even the beginning of that rant. I just… *long suffering sigh*

->^and the way they immediately took the altean girl’s word and turned on Lotor? Y’all some fake ass bitches fr didn’t even let the man defend himself. it could’ve been a misunderstanding but okay. damn.

->^WHY ARE YOU INCRIMINATING YOURSELF BRO. OH MY GODDDDDD. every time i told myself that this episode couldn’t get any worse,, it. got. FUCKING. WORSE.

->^low key get the altean girl’s frustration tho because that shit was traumatizing. literally my live reaction right there

-> the only good things that happened that episode were lance calling keith hot and the team meeting krolia. maybe the lotura kiss. (I would’ve enjoyed it more if it wasn’t for the knowledge that they were straight up gonna beat Lotor’s ass when they got inside the castle)

->I guess I have to suffer for the absolute SQUEAL I gave when Kieth went up to the black lion and said “FORM VOLTRON” making them do the thing where they’re divided into 5 frames like a comic

->^that bitch ass clone better be ready to catch these hands. you do NOT say that to my boy.

->I got so excited when keith went all galra! ultimately yeah he did it because he was incredibly stressed but still it was super cool!

-> I was actually a little sad that Lotor didn’t get a real redemption. Like yeah I saw it from a mile away by the way he talked about quintessence and overall attitude but idk,, like him and allura actually seemed in love. even if he was just doing it for the quintessence you could tell he actually ended up genuinely falling in love with her. maybe it’s just me, but i think it would’ve been nice.

-> maybe keith and him could’ve bonded about being half-galra, and keith would finally get some solidarity with someone who knows exactly how he feels? idk it’s just a lot of missed opportunity there.

-> and then they just…kill him off…wow. that was a lot to take in. I had to actually take a moment. I mean it wasn’t even his fault, really. the quintessence got to him just like his parents. it’s actually super tragic now that I think about it. reminds me of family jewels by MARINA.

->I will say though that final battle was absolutely amazing. Beautifully animated and the action was great. I loved getting to see all the lions powers in the quintessence field. And the flaming sword?? that was literally awesome.

-> my hopes of allurance died but i think this is actually a really good step, Allura still felt bad for lotor when she didn’t wanna leave him in the quintessence field because she still loved him and after the conversation she had with the mice it was obvious she doesn’t (and won’t) like lance back, (she could’ve began to in s4/5) and lance seems to accept this as well, (seeing how he handles it when allura confides in him) which would be good for their relationship. so im happy about that 😊

->ngl if they ended it here it could’ve been pretty good, solid ending. Like, leave the rest up to interpretation sort of thing. (Yes I know there are some strings to be tied yet but yk what I mean) The ending was really satisfactory and if they just fixed a couple plot holes it would’ve been the perfect way to end the show tbh. Idk tho I still need to watch the last two seasons so I’ll see if I still keep my opinion then

->lance’s s5 focus didn’t really culminate to all that much, but he got to be taken seriously when he cried about shiro, so there’s that.

-> the clone!shiro vs keith fight was literally beautiful too omg. The emotions were perfectly captured and the flashbacks were just so perfectly timed it was incredible. the way you could just feel exactly everything keith felt as he fought what looked identical to the man who practically raised him was just. wow.

->^literally gorgeous. look at that, man. beautiful.

-> Don’t get me started on “you’re my brother, I love you” because I will start crying immediately

-> So. yeah. This season was a mess. I laughed. I cried (a lot) I got super pissed in the middle. But it was really super enjoyable otherwise. Bittersweet, really.

-> Hopefully Season Seven doesn’t disappoint! I really hope there’s more Keith+Shiro lore. Just. In general all their family lore.

These are thoughts I’ve been compiling for a while. I will continue to post my thoughts on the tag “Laura’s first VLD”

Please Remember that I am just a person with a life and responsibilities and try to be patient about updates.

Thank you 💞

[aurasoulhikari]

Zexal Month Week 4 Day 22: P is for Power

@zexalmonth

Ok, ok so we all know how ZEXAL is this miraculous power from the Astral World that allows them to perform the Shining Draws to help them in their Duels and so on. But are we really not gonna bring up the fact that Yuma got this power for a demonic looking door that required him to forsake his most precious thing? Like does that NOT sound like a deal with the devil to anyone?! Especially when Yuma had to worry what he was gonna lose in the course of the series thinking it was Astral, then thinking it would be who he truly was during his last Duel against Shark. His idealistic ability to connect with others through duels to which he believed he defied because of the circumstances that on one hand he was protecting his friends yet on the other he was hurting others he didn't want to hurt. The moment he got ZEXAL it just felt like an internal battle with himself and those around him over wanting co-existence yet having no choice but to fight to survive. And to be honest that actually broke my heart a bit because at the end of the day Yuma didn't exactly wanted to fight the Barians I mean he became friends with Alit, got into some I'll admit random shenanigans with Girag, and with the new revelations was best friends with the literal KING of Barian World! While Zexal had its pros I can't help but feel there were cons to it as well for the user maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally. And is anyone else mad there wasn't anything more to that big mysterious door?!

Like look a this thing!! How the heck is this door connected to Astral World!?

[arpov-blog-blog]

..."When Cornel West, famed public intellectual, philosopher, jazz man, pastor, actor and frequent provocateur, told me about his recent divorce from the Green Party, he sounded almost giddy. He was obviously the initiator.

“I do feel freed up, I must say,” he said with a chuckle.

A day earlier, the news had gone public: West was leaving the Green Party to run for president in 2024 as an independent, the second time he’s left a political party in the four months he’s been in the race.

But there’s two sides to every breakup, and on the other end sat Jill Stein, the erstwhile Green Party presidential candidate who was on West’s “emergency transition” team into the Green Party, serving as his acting campaign manager for much of the summer. Her rejoinder: You think you’re going to be better off without us? This separation is going to be much worse for you than for me.

“I see this as a bit of a transition for us as Greens. … I see this as a crisis for Cornel’s campaign,” she said.

The West-Stein pairing was announced in late June, right after another breakup: West leaving the little-known People’s Party ticket after a scant 11 days. The Green Party-Cornel West link-up promised to be a fusion of the largely white environmental movement and the social justice activism of West, author of the foundational tome Race Matters. And for Joe Biden and Democrats, the pairing could have quickly turned into a nightmare, forcing him to protect his left flank from an organized Green Party running a demi-celebrity with decades of progressive bona fides.

But to hear West tell it, any cords holding this relationship together had frayed beyond repair.

West made the decision days before the announcement last week, after asking his campaign manager Peter Daou — who was introduced to West’s camp by Stein — to lay out clearly the pros and cons of leaving the party.

Cons: ballot access headaches; continued questions about his seriousness as a political figure; the destruction of a potentially mutually beneficial coalition. Pros: getting to set your own agenda; removing yourself from some of the intractable and unserious elements of the party; crucially, for West, no more need to kiss any ass.

“The moment of transition became clear, given the internal dynamics of the Green Party,” West said. “The procedures and requirements for debate, you have to go to various Green Party events in a variety of different states. … I said, ‘Oh my God, this is a lot of energy and time and effort.’”

West was never the official Green Party nominee; as he mentioned, he bristled at the need to spend the time and effort necessary to secure the nomination at their convention next year. (It should be noted that running on a major party ticket requires jumping through many more hoops than in the Green Party.) But he had essentially already been ordained as such — with Stein as his guru, the party was dedicated to helping him get on ballots and supporting his candidacy across the country. Some state chapters of the Green Party had already set up dedicated teams aimed at specifically helping West’s campaign. With a few phone calls, all that effort was for naught.

Even though the partnership remained largely on the fringes of American political life, West had the chance to lend to the Greens significant name ID and a message of social and economic justice that appealed to a broader base of people on the left. In return, the Green Party could have given West important infrastructure and a ballot line in many states across the country. And even though both sides have made sure, in this era of celebrity “conscious uncoupling,” to publicly state their continued respect for one another, the breakup has gotten a little messy. That’s not a huge surprise for West, who’s made a career out of — or in spite of — spitting in the face of establishment institutions to which he has ties."

[moscnios]

may i request for katakuri angst to fluff hcs with a gn!reader? katakuri finally reveals his face to s/o. but expecting them to be repulsed by his mouth, reader kisses him and he just breaks down in tears because he's never been kissed by anyone before? 🥺🥺

✸  headcanons  %  when he reveals his face to you.

✸    characters! . . .  katakuri.

✸   cw(s)! . . .  n/a. no pronouns used. not proofread.

✸    notes! . . .  i love him so much actually. kata, my beloved. so when i saw this request i was so happy !! thank you so much for requesting !! <333

it took him a lot of internal monologues to get to this point. he tried to weigh the pros and cons

the pros were you would finally know what he looked like underneath his scarf and he would have nothing more to hide from you

the cons...you would think he looked like a monster and he’d be devasted

to him, but the cons outweighed the pros

despite only dating for around 5 months, katakuri was utterly in love with you. he’d never felt this way about anyone before. you make him whole

the thought of losing you because of his appearance worried him, as it has ruined nearly every good thing in his life. he couldn’t let it ruin his chance at love too

but if he wanted your relationship to grow further, he had to know he could trust you, to know that you would love him no matter how he looked

he takes you on a late night walk in a more secluded area of the park near your home. he can’t risk anyone else seeing. you sit next to him in the sugar grass, looking up at the pretty stars in the sky

you hear him take a deep sigh. you look at him and ask if anything is wrong when he reaches for his scarf, hesitating a bit

you realize what he is trying to do, “kata, if you aren’t ready to show me then you don’t have to. i can wait as long as i need to. i love you”

he appreciates hearing you say that

“and i love you, which is why i must show you. i do not wish to hide who i am from the one i love anymore” his words are sincere. this was it

he turned away from you, unraveling his scarf and setting it down in the grass. he closed his eyes, as he turned back to you, not wanting to see the disappointment on your face when you saw the monster he really was underneath

he was ready for a gasp, a scream, an “oh my god”, anything

but he didn’t hear any of those

“you’re so cute”

his eyes shot open at your words, a deep blush formed on his cheeks. no one has ever said such kind words about his mouth

he nearly couldn’t believe it, but seeing your face...he knew that you meant what you said

“may i kiss you?” if his face could be any redder, it would have been. he can only nod, leaning down a bit so you can actually reach his face

you press gentle pecks to both his cheeks before capturing his lips in a soft, loving kiss. you smiled against his lips, finally being able to kiss your lover for the first time

you feel him melt into the kiss, his insecurities and stresses melting along with it, his hands coming up to gently frame your face

you pull away, opening your eyes to see him teary-eyed. you immediately tense up, asking if you had done something wrong

he quickly tells you, that he enjoyed the kiss. it’s just that he’s overwhelmed in a good way, as he’s never been kissed. and that you wanted to kiss him even after you knew what his mouth looked like

he’s so precious <333

© MANGEKYUOU.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

2 dorks (jace park x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader, general canon au, you and jace are classmates secretly pining for each other

summary: you and jace have a painfully awkward 3 am talk over the phone.

a/n: this is basically for anon that was curious about if i had written jace before ! here's my first attempt ^_^

also shoutout to this song for giving me the inspiration and strength to finish this T_T

×

There were a lot of times Jace wished Burn Knuckles was... a little smarter, to say the least. Like, a lot. But other times he was glad they were oblivious and dense. This was definitely one of those times. Unfortunately other people around still noticed, but Jace was only teased from time to time so he didn't mind too much.

What did they notice? Well, his crush, of course. It's not like he made it obvious or anything, he--yeah, no, it was pretty obvious. The longer he was crushing on you and the stronger his feelings grew, it was getting harder for him to act as if he didn't harbor romantic feelings for you. The worst part was he was beginning to think you were noticing, too. And he wasn't sure if the feeling was mutual.

He didn't really know what to do with himself after realizing that. Logically, he could just waltz up to you and ask you out, but that's easier said than done. Not to mention, he didn't want to ruin anything between you two. Being your friend was the only way he could see your charming smile up close and have fun, casual conversations with you. How could he possibly risk losing that?

And so he thought about what to do for a solid month, before ultimately deciding he'd be fine as staying your friend. Plus, if he had to be honest, he didn't even think he'd fall in love with you so this would probably be fine. After all, you two were just classmates and he didn't think by continuing to interact with you and then befriending you would land him in a friends-to-lovers story.

Ahem, that is if you say yes to when he asks you out. Which he won't.

Probably.

"Argh, no, I said I wouldn't!"

"Jace?"

"Huh?" Jace blinked himself back awake. He had fallen asleep?

"Were you... sleep talking...?"

"Uhhh... maybe?" What the hell did he just experience? Some dream retelling of his current situation? Whatever it was, he shook his head as if trying to shake away the sleepiness in him and readjusted himself in bed. "Sorry for the noise," he murmured, picking his phone up and laying it by his head instead of by his torso where it had slipped. "And sorry if I did sleep talk." A second passed before he worriedly asked, "I--I didn't say anything weird, did I?"

"Nah," your voice replied, soft laughter following afterwards. "You know, if you're tired, you can go to sleep."

"But I like hearing you talk." Jace cringed a little with how quickly he responded.

"Then why'd you fall asleep~?"

He groaned hearing the teasing tone of your voice as his cheeks colored in a little red. He could just imagine the cute grin on your face. "I guess I'm tired. Not of you, though."

"What am I saying?!" Cue the internal screaming. "Maybe I should head to sleep... I might say something I'll regret in this state."

His heart pounded in anticipation at the sudden silence at the other end of the line.

Pro of voice calls: you couldn't see him blushing.

Con of voice calls: he couldn't see your expressions and guess what you were thinking or planning to say.

"Well... good to know you're not tired of me." A pause. "Um... you think you'll ever get tired of me?"

"No...?" You laughed after his response, and Jace could actually tell it was nervous laughter. It took him a while to register it though because he wasn't sure what you were nervous about. "If you're worried about that, you don't have to. Like I said, I like listening to you talk. About anything, really."

"Huh." At least you sounded a little more content now. "Is that why you've been having these late night talks with me?"

"Mhm. Well, we've been having them for a while though, haven't we?"

"A few months maybe? I don't know, I just started talking longer than usual one night and it became a pattern I guess."

Jace hummed. "I talk, too, y'know."

"Right, right, late night conversations, not late night speeches from me. I did say talks."

After a playful eyeroll, Jace turned to lay on his side, facing his phone. "Yeah, and you also just said, 'I just started talking longer than usual one night.'"

"Don't get smart with me," you playfully snapped, before the two of you shared a laugh. There was a peaceful moment of silence that followed. Jace nearly fell asleep again until your voice called his name.

"Hm?" He was shaking his head like before as if that would help wake him up.

"I, uh. Need to ask you one last question. And then we can both sleep afterwards. I don't know if now's the right time but I don't think I'll get the nerves to ask any other time."

"Um... ask away." Nervousness creeped its way into Jace as possibilities ran through his mind. If only he could feel more prepared for whatever was coming his way.

"We're just friends... right?"

Oh dear. Now that was a possibility Jace thought of, but also one of the many he didn't mentally prepare himself for. He ended up just keeping quiet, unsure of what to reply with. There were lots of ways things could go wrong. Or... right.

"Jace?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear my question?"

"Yes."

"...And your response is?"

While the emotional side of Jace was panicking, his logical side took over to say, "Yeah. I mean, that's our current status," which only made his emotional side even more panicked.

"Right." You quietly cleared your throat. "Thanks, I just wanted to make sure. About. That."

"Oh... yeah? Cool."

"Uh-huh."

"God, I wish Vasco was here to break the tension or something."

Jace gulped as he shuffled in his bed again, turning to lay on his back now. "So... that's all?"

"Yup. Uh, good night."

"Yeah, you, too. Good night. And sweet dr--" His phone made a small beeping sound before he finished which mildly surprised him. He laughed a little when his phone buzzed next and he didn't have to check to know it was an apology text from you. Still, he went to pick his phone up, holding it above his face.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off! I thought you were done after 'good night!'"

"Don't worry about it. Sweet dreams! That's all I wanted to say."

"Oh, okay. Back at you, then!"

A soft smile was on Jace's face as he went to give your text a thumbs up. He ended up misclicking though, and unintentionally hearted your text instead. In another state of panic, he dropped his phone on his face.

"Ow!"

He rushed to sit up and give your text the right reaction. Then, immediately flopped back down, sighing heavily. "Why am I like this," he muttered, cheeks feeling warm. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before letting out another sigh and slowly forcing himself to get out of bed to charge his phone. After that, he headed straight back to bed and pulled his blanket over his head.

He had no idea if this conversation would be brought up the next time you two talk, but he hoped it wouldn't. Just to save himself and you the embarrassnent. But maybe that awkward talk was what both of you needed to set things straight.

Nah. It was definitely what you two dorks needed.

[smashboxgirl26]

i heard shoji HEADCANNONS??? I’VE BEEN SUMMONED ‼️ here are a few I made up on the spot >:)

- he spends like 30 minutes a day working with hair gel to make his hair spiky and cool because HOW ELSE WOULD IT JUST BE THAT WAY? and if you compliment his hair he’ll just <3 melt <3 but not SHOW that he’s melting inside but he definitely is internally

- he has trouble finding outfits that fit his body style, so if he talks to you about it, you suggest that you both design some on paper together! so if you like drawing, the two of you can design outfits and cool clothes together for him together !!

- god he’s up there with izuku in that he would be the best listener. since he’s usually quiet, he would love to listen and give calm, sound advice in situations that you ask for it. we all know he’s a gentlemen, so I KNOW he would be an amazing advice giver :)

THIS WAS SM FUN TO WRITE AHHHHAMSKSNNSNS I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU’LL WRITE!!!! 😌💞💞💞

shoji mezou x gn! reader a/n: BRUH I ASKED FOR LIKE ONE HEADCANNON NOT A WHOLE GODDAMN STORY LINE ALSDFLDSFJDSKF But literally can’t write this as one thing without it being like a whole-ass long story (bc im just a perfectionist) SOOO I WROTE IT IN THIS WEIRD IDK KINDA STYLE

Ok, ok, see, imagine Shoji and a reader who’s a designer - meeting when Shoji’s manager finally convinces him to focus more on his public image. He’d never really cared about it up until then, and never thought of it as important.

He begrudgingly makes an appointment and asks for you to meet him at his agency, writing it down in his calender before seemingly forgetting until the day of.

But in you walk, confident and poised - seemingly the exact opposite of Shoji - and at first he’s scared of you.

He wasn’t a fool to the way people were biased against him, the stares he got when he was on patrol, why he wasn’t in the top ten despite having extremely high rescue numbers.

What if you don’t like him? What if he’s too difficult to style for? What if he’s too scary for you?

And even though his mind is rushing when you introduce yourself, he still scrambles out a polite hello and a nod - before noticing that you didn’t, in fact, think he was scary or too difficult to work with.

In fact, you even complimented him on his hair and the way it went with his image - which he muttered out a thank you to, but could barely breathe under his mask from the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

Staying distracted from trying not to show how flustered he is, he doesn’t notice until you’ve laid out all your sketches on the table to show him what your initial ideas are. They’re all prettily drawn - colored and all - showcasing him in different attire for not just hero work, but also formal events, meetings outside of patrol, and even casual wear.

“I know that it’s probably harder for you to find clothes sometimes, so I thought I could do more than just hero stuff. And since you are working on your entire brand, I thought you wouldn’t mind some suggestions for what to wear in case of public spottings,” you look towards him nervously.

“It’s perfect,” he smiles, and you see the way his eyes crinkle above his mask.

- - - - - - - - -

As time moves on, and the two of you continue to work together - your feelings for each other become more apparent (though the other never seems to notice). It leads to almost dates at coffee shops and cafés, all in the name of working together somewhere outside of the stuffy offices you’re both confined to for, what seems like, most of the day.

Your meetings are regular, and there’s never a dull moment when pro-heros’ costumes are continuously ripped to shreds - and shoji loves to hear you complain about working for his colleagues.

“I swear to god that Deku,” you mumble under your breath as you sketch furiously. “This is the third costume he’s destroyed this month. And I can’t just make a bunch and send them to him whenever needed - the whole thing is custom ordered to go with his support gear so I have to contact the company for new gear. Not to mention his mask is hand-stitched by me. It took me so long the first time and he destroyed it in three days.”

“He’s always been like that,” Shoji leans back in his chair with a smile. “In UA, I think it was worse. I’m pretty sure his costume was remade about a hundred times before he graduated.”

“Try 500,” you smirk at him. “I asked.”

Shoji’s eyes widen at that, and he watches as you start giggling before turning your notebook around to show him your new sketch.

“It’s for the Gala,” you explain. “I thought you might need something new for this one.”

The design is sleek and modern, cut to pair perfectly with the theme this year. And you even included his specifically styled hair in the drawing, a little arrow pointing to it that says “tentacole’s really cool hair” with a smiley face.

Shoji chuckles to himself before he looks up to see the excitement that rose to your face out of anticipation.

“So…. what’d you think?”

“I…” he pauses, staring at the drawing again with a furrow in his eyebrows. “I think you should make another one.”

Your face falls as you attempt to mask your disappointment. “Oh, I’m sorry,” you reach for the paper. “I’ll design something better then-”

“You didn’t let me finish,” he interrupts. “Design something for yourself. I think you should come with me and see the fruits of your labor on display.”

“Really?” your eyes light up with a smile.

“Of course.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi!

I'm currently in the process of collecting as many fics/fanbooks/fanart as I can. Obviously, it's all dependant on my pay and things, but I've been trying to buy something every month. Just to bulk out my collection I guess.

Anyway, I was wondering if you knew where to get some? Which authors have published, who makes fanbooks, that sort of thing. Or even if anyone that follows you does.

I'd really appreciate it. I think you posted a spreadsheet a while ago but I couldn't find it.

Thanks! Hope you have a great day.

Hey Nonny!

Ah, yeah, I have a few fics that I know have been published, though under different names:

A Lord to Love by SaraDobieBauer (E, 10,345 w., 5 Ch. || Historical AU || Age Difference, Pining John, Virgin Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Sherlock’s Violin, Light Angst, Sad Sherlock, Love Confessions, POV First Person John, Love at First Sight) – Sherlock Holmes is only nineteen when his father dies, and he becomes the new Lord Holmes. Lord Watson is his neighbor, and together, they have land boundary issues to work out. Only, Lord Watson is interested in a lot more than land. In fact, he's about to make an offer, and an admission, that will change everything.  PUBLISHED AS ‘A Lord to Love’

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || 70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w., 39 Ch. || Dystopian AU || Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world's pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world's most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned "drashaskaya," the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London's pleasure district. (PUBLISHED AS “At Night in the Floating World”)

------

Next, I do know a few authors on here have self published under their Patreons (@the-pen-pot ), and I recently received beautiful gifts from @totallysilvergirl and @khorazir of books they self published. AND I do have a tag here with a lot of self-published book locations.

That all said, I'd love to know more so I can also support these authors. Please let me know if you authors are self publishing your fics OR publishing as original stories via Carnation books so I can boost them for you! <3

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[gladerscake]

By Your Side

(Gally x Reader)

This one came out longer than I’d originally planned, but I think I’m happy with how it turned out. Lots of fluff, because you can never have too much. Enjoy!

Being a builder was about as glamorous as it sounded. Sore muscles, beads of sweat perpetually rolling down your temples, sawdust constantly finding its way into your hair, more splinters and annoying little nicks than you could keep track of. You believed it was, beyond question, one of the most challenging jobs in the glade. But you never complained. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you had chosen to be there, and despite all the downsides, you had no intention of backpedaling.

It wasn’t all bad, of course. You liked what you did. You enjoyed taking raw chunks of wood and turning them into something useful, taking an active part in making the glade a more comfortable and liveable place to be, ensuring that everyone had decent places to sleep and eat. Not to mention, there was one very significant pro that majorly outweighed all the cons… You got to work alongside Gally. The Keeper of the Builders and your boyfriend of several months. Your most ardent supporter, the person who never doubted your place on the team and made you feel like you were exactly where you belonged.

You wouldn’t say it out loud, but Gally was a big part of the reason why you had chosen to become a builder full-time, as opposed to splitting your working hours between them and the track-hoes, like you had done for the first few months of your presence in glade. The job felt like a better fit for you, you had more fun with it, and as your close friendship with the gruff Keeper had begun to grow into something more and ultimately resulted in your long-awaited togetherness… well, it had made the decision that much easier. You never regretted it for a second.

“Hey babe, brought you that hammer!”

Your head instantly whipped around to the deep sound of Gally’s voice, a smile crawling onto your lips as he approached you. His presence has always been enough to prompt your mood to lighten, your heart to skip at the mere sight of his boyish grin and intense bluish-green eyes.

A short giggle escaped you upon the feeling of his muscular arm encircling your waist and pulling you into him, his warm lips pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead “This is the one you wanted, right?” He smiled, holding out the tool you had asked him to try and find for you earlier.

“Yep! That’s the one. Thanks, baby.” You reciprocated his light smile, taking the hammer and planting an equally light kiss to his freckled cheek in appreciation. “Where was it? I thought I had left it right here yesterday…”

Gally shrugged, his calloused fingers nonchalantly brushing up and down your side as his gaze trailed over your smooth face “Found it near the Med Hut. Guess the shanks needed it for something and didn’t bother to ask first.” He huffed under his breath, making you chuckle at his mildly annoyed tone.

You knew how Gally felt about people being careless with tools, taking them whenever they felt like it and then just leaving them lying around. It was perfectly understandable.

You leaned closer into his side, allowing the fingers of your free hand to trace his jawline in affection “I’m sure they would’ve brought it back… at some point.”

Gally scoffed at that, the ‘Yeah, right’ so clearly written all over his handsome face, there was no need to actually say it. Nonetheless, his eyes closed as he slightly leaned into your touch, the small movement making you internally swoon. How could he be so stern, yet so cute at the same time? It was still a mystery to you, but you couldn’t be farther away from complaining. It was one of the multitude of things you loved about your builder.

Your smile widened as you felt him squeeze your waist tighter. The very next second he lowered his head, catching your lips with a soft kiss, which you readily returned, your dainty hand moving from his face to the back of his neck. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, being over much quicker than either of you would have liked, but you couldn’t let yourselves get too distracted by one another during the day. Otherwise getting back to work might become entirely too difficult… With a notable reluctance, Gally pulled away from your lips, delivering you a content grin.

“Anything else you need?”

Oh! That reminded you. Another builder had taken it upon himself to make the legs for the picnic table you were supposed to be working on. Maybe he thought he was helping you, but you would rather not have had anyone interfering in your process. You were pretty certain you would’ve done a quicker job making them yourself, because the guy sure seemed to be taking his sweet time.

“Actually, now that you mention it, I kinda need Doug to hurry it up with those legs, because I’ve got everything else ready, and I don’t wanna waste time just waiting on him.”

Your boyfriend quirked a brow upwards, sending a quick glance at the builder just a few feet away from the two of you. Doug was known for being a little slow, definitely not ranking among the best. Gally wasn’t surprised in the slightest, having had to tell him off for that exact reason plenty of times before.

“Again? Shuckin’ hell, I swear the guy’s just asking to be kicked off- Hey, Doug!” His deep voice sounded louder, making you jump a little in his burly grip. Naturally, it instantly got the other builder’s attention as he looked up from his leisurely progressing work.

“Yeah?”

Gally frowned, eyeing him with an unimpressed look “You think you’ll be done with those legs by the end of the week, or…?”

You had to bite back a snicker. Gally wasn’t one to take kindly to displays of incompetence.

Doug grumbled in response, hating to once again find himself on the receiving end of the Keeper’s irritation “Hey man, I’m almost done! Honest!”

Gally rolled his eyes, involuntarily gripping your waist tighter “You’d better be! You’re holding Y/N up. Come on, look alive!”

You watched Doug’s face paint pink with embarrassment as he muttered something incorrigible to himself, hastily getting back to work. A part of you almost felt bad for the poor guy, however, you knew it wasn’t exactly undeserved. Although Gally was strict with them, he was fair. A pat on the back needed to be earned, and laziness was not to be taken lightly.

Your boyfriend’s eyes once again met your own, the frown quickly dispersing on his face, replacing itself with a small smile only you got to be familiar with “That should do it.”

You shook your head, chuckling softly “A little harsh, maybe?”

Gally snickered, pecking your temple “Nah. He’s already on thin ice. If he can’t handle that, then he might have to find another job.”

Well, you couldn’t argue with that. You smiled as Gally pressed another quick kiss to your pink lips before unwinding his strong arm from around your waist and moving away.

“Alright, we should get back to work, baby.”

You nodded in response, letting out a quiet giggle as Gally sent you a charming wink before walking away. He was something else, that’s for sure. You were truly lucky to have him as yours. Although, in his mind, it was probably the other way around. You already couldn’t wait for the day to be over, so that you could climb into bed with him, relax, feel him encompass you in his arms and hold you so closely, shower him with your love and feel all of his in return.

Unfortunately, you would still have to wait a while before then. At the very least you hoped you wouldn’t have to wait too much longer for Doug to finish “helping” you…

-a half hour later-

“There. All done.” A low voice underlying with bitterness made you look up from your sketch journal, your brow raising in surprise at the tone.

Doug’s face lacked any kind of expression as he stood over you, holding the four table legs he’d taken far too long to make. His eyes, though, you noticed, were tinged with a glint of contempt. It puzzled you, but you decided to pay no mind to it. The guy was probably still feeling the effects of Gally’s earlier scolding.

You forced a lighthearted smile, getting up from your sitting position to reach for the legs “Great! I appreciate the help.”

Doug only sneered in response, not in any rush to actually hand them to you. It only added to your confusion. What the shuck was up with him? You didn’t recall doing anything to make him mad at you.

“Uh… Doug? Is there a problem?” You inquired, carefully, darting your gaze between him and your awaiting hands.

“Problem? Noo, why would I have a problem with you?” He practically seethed, dark eyes fixating on you as if you were the cause of all his troubles.

Evidently someone was still very much upset about earlier. What you couldn’t wrap your head around was why he would think you were to blame, instead of his own slowness. Regardless, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be too invested in his childish anger. You had work to do.

With a deep intake of air, you shot him an exasperated look “Look, Doug, whatever this is, I’m not interested in it. If you’re mad about earlier, then maybe you should learn to be a little quicker with your hands, so that Gally wouldn’t have to-“

“Oh please! Like you’re so much better!” He barked, cutting you off with an abruptness that slightly startled you.

You blinked in disbelief, your forehead creasing as a frown began making its way onto your lips “Excuse me…?”

“You heard what I said!” He glowered with no apparent intention of stepping down “You think you’re such a great builder? You’re only here because you’re Gally’s girlfriend.”

The words he gritted out sent a wave of resentment through your whole being. You knew that wasn’t true or fair. You were genuinely good at your job. You were there because you had all the necessary skills and passion, not because of who your boyfriend was. Your jaw clenched as you collected all of your will power not to engage in this stupid argument that you had done nothing to cause.

“Okay, you need to back up. Lashing out at me won’t make you any better, but putting in a little more effort might. You should try it!” You retorted, as stoically as you could. There was plenty more you could’ve said to him, but it wouldn’t have been worth your time.

Doug merely rolled his eyes in response, seemingly ignoring your words completely as he gave you a look of pure distaste “Everyone here knows it…” He glared, finally releasing his grip on the table legs and unceremoniously dropping them at your feet “Knock yourself out, Y/N.”

With that, he walked away, clearly done with his outburst.

You scoffed, incredulously, leaning down to pick them up. You couldn’t believe what had just happened. How could he say that? He sounded like he sincerely believed it, too. The nerve this guy had. Just because his own skills were subpar, to put it kindly, it didn’t give him the right to try and undermine yours.

However, even though you knew how entirely wrong he was, a part of you couldn’t help but feel hurt by his words. Something at the very back of your mind momentarily echoed with a creeping whisper of a doubt… Could there be a grain of truth to his foul implication? Was it possible, that you weren’t actually as good as you thought you were? Was there a chance, that Gally wouldn’t have spoken out for making you a full-time builder, if you hadn’t been together? No, that was ridiculous, that had nothing to do with it. And even if it had played some part in the decision, it had to have been a minor one.

You sighed, deeply, endeavouring to push those thoughts as far away as possible. Focusing on your work, that’s what you needed to do. Ignore Doug, ignore his little tantrum, and most importantly, ignore the pinch of worry at your heart…

-later-

At long last, the day was over. The picnic table had been finished and ready for use, earning you a few thank you’s from your friends as it made dinner time that much more comfortable for several people.

You were tired, not only from the work you had done during the day, but also from the lingering disgruntled feeling from the episode with Doug. You mumbled an annoyed noise to yourself as you placed your journal onto the small desk of your and Gally’s shared hut. You didn’t want to think about it anymore, all you wanted was to climb into bed with him and let his closeness make you forget the whole thing even happened. Thankfully, it was about time to do just that.

A soft smile curved your lips as you felt a pair of warm, muscular arms wrap around your shoulders from behind, Gally’s nose brushing your neck in affection, his breath gently fanning your skin. One of your favorite sensations.

“It’s late. Come to bed, baby.” He murmured just below your ear, his deep voice sending a small shiver through your body. You were more than happy to oblige.

“Oh, I’m there…” You smiled, lovingly, turning around in his grip and placing your lips on his in a tender kiss.

Gally hummed in satisfaction, his lips moving against yours with a gentleness no one would have believed he harboured. His large hands moved up to cup your face as he kissed you, making you lean closer into him and let every thought drift away from your mind. He could feel the curve of your smile against his lips as you slowly pulled away, interlacing your smaller fingers with his.

Without another word, you pulled him towards the bed, the both of you soon settling in under the covers.

Gally wasted no time scooping you up in his arms and flipping you onto his stomach, so that he could get a good view of your beautiful face while you cuddled.

“How’s my girl?” He whispered, brushing his thumb across your cheekbone as his piercing bluish-green eyes stared, adoringly, into yours.

You couldn’t help the dreamy grin that bloomed on your lips as you nestled your face into his palm, admiring each individual freckle on his sun-kissed skin “Good… much better, now.”

Gally grinned in return, pecking the very tip of your nose as his heart swelled with warmth “Yeah? All smooth sailing today?”

Despite the wonderful sensation of his closeness, you immediately felt that dejected small pang from what had taken place.

You took just a second too long to answer, and that was enough for Gally’s eyes to etch with suspicion.

“Y/N…? Everything alright?” He questioned, giving you an inquisitive look as his other hand reached up to cup your face as well.

You hesitated for a moment, subtly biting the inside of your cheek and briefly averting your eyes to his chest. You didn’t want to tell him about Doug. That wouldn’t be good look. What, some dumb shank said one thing, and you came crying to your boyfriend? No, you couldn’t have that. But you couldn’t leave him without an answer either. Gally could read you like a book. A simple ‘don’t worry about it’ would never work on him.

“Yeah, it’s nothing important, I just… had a little argument with someone, that’s all.” You smiled from the corner of your mouth, hoping the softness of your tone would be enough to convince him it wasn’t a big deal.

Gally paused. Not a single muscle twitched on his face, yet you didn’t miss the flicker of suppressed anger in his eyes. He cared about you more than anyone, his protectiveness of you knew no bounds, so the very thought of someone bothering you was enough to stir his temper.

He drew in a deep breath, his fingers inching to thread through your soft lock of hair in a tranquil motion “Alright, baby… Why don’t you tell me whose ass I’m kicking tomorrow?”

You couldn’t contain the small chuckle that tumbled from your lips “No one’s! I’m not telling you who it was. Besides, it was stupid anyway.”

Gally hummed, gently tilting your chin up to make you meet his eyes again “It’s wasn’t that stupid, if you’re still thinking about it. Come on, what happened?”

You sighed as he leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, further coaxing you to relay what was on your mind.

“Gally…” You began, gingerly, under Gally’s attentive gaze “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.”

“Well…” You struggled to find the right way to phrase it as your boyfriend waited, patiently “When you asked me if I wanted to join your team full-time, all those months ago… It wasn’t…” You trailed off, causing Gally’s brows to furrow.

“Wasn’t what?”

You let out a short breath before finishing your thought “It wasn’t just because we were already together at that point, was it?”

The builder’s eyed narrowed, his muscles tensing at the mere insinuation. What the hell was that ‘little argument’ about? Did someone say something to you to make you question your place? His jaw clenched as he fought the urge to demand the name of whoever it was. His current priority was easing your mind.

“Baby…” He huffed under his breath, his right hand taking place by the side of your face “I asked you because I knew you had what it took and I saw how happy you looked after working with us. Together or not, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think it made perfect sense.”

The seriousness gleaming in his eyes made it impossible to doubt his words. You knew Gally wouldn’t be saying that if he didn’t mean it. In all the time you’ve been together, he’s never once given you a reason not to trust him or his judgement. Your lips began to curl with a soft, appreciative smile as you gazed at the boy whose reassuring voice made any tension pervading you trickle away, whose strong, unwavering hold made you feel like nothing in the world could touch you.

You didn’t feel like saying anything else on the subject, there was no need to. You already had the answer you needed from the one person whose opinion you valued above all others. With a small nod of your head, you leaned closer, placing a feather-light kiss to his lips “Okay then…”

Gally, however, wasn’t entirely done with the topic. He wanted to get to bottom of it, to know what had brought it on to begin with. Whoever had had the nerve to make you doubt yourself for even a fleeting moment, was going to have to pay for it.

The concerned crease was evident on his forehead, his penetrating gaze still not leaving you “Why, did someone say differently? Who?”

You exhaled, heavily, through the little smile on your lips “If it’s a name you want, then you’re not getting one. Sorry, baby…”

Gally grunted in frustration “Why not?”

You scoffed, your eyes flashing with an amused spark “Because you’ll obliterate him!”

“You bet! Whoever it is, he can’t mess with you, nobody can.” He stated, firmly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to him, it was.

Though his protective nature could appear slightly excessive at times, with a hand on the heart, you couldn’t say that it wasn’t one of his better qualities. It was genuine, sweet, and it came from a place of fervent love. The kind of love you still didn’t know what you had done to earn from him.

Nonetheless, you shook your head, propping yourself up on his chest as you looked down at his freckled face “It wasn’t serious, my keeper. I promise. It just… made me think if I really was in the right place for me…”

“Your place is with the builders.” Gally was quick to respond, his rough fingers dragging slowly down your back and gently tracing your spine “And with me. Right by my side.”

There wasn’t an inkling of a doubt left in you about it. You were in the exact right place. You couldn’t think of a better one.

“Right by your side.” You whispered, softly, in agreement, reaching a hand to run it through the short sandy strands of his hair.

Gally’s arms once again encased you in a tight grip, carefully turning you over, so that the two of you lay on your sides, facing each other. You smiled as you watched his face soften, his eyes reflecting everything you felt - the warmth, the contentment, the feeling of caring for someone more deeply than you’d thought possible. You knew it wouldn’t be much longer until you drifted off to sleep.

Gally seemed to sense it, his lips pressing gentle kisses to your cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally, your lips. He pulled you closer into him, making sure that no part of you would be left devoid of his body heat while your eyes fluttered, blissfully, closed.

You hummed in utter fulfilment, tucking your face into the crook of his neck as your builder and his tight embrace seemed to place a protective barrier between you and the rest of the world.

It didn’t matter what anyone else thought… right there, with Gally, you were in the best place imaginable.

Tags: @seldomabsent @obsessivelycapricious @ultraintrovertedgryffindor @maraudersimp @abundantxadorations @izzymultifan @magnoliabloomfield @willseyebrows @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @anniemylennox @gallysonegoodlung @joemomma2121 @lattsgocaps @sherbertscarrothead-2 @lullabaesstuff

[lovelylusts]

Stop the World || Alex Turner || Request

Pairing: Post-TBHC!Alex x Virgin!Reader

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: first time/loss of virginity, vaginal fingering, cute lil petnames like doll, handjob, protected vaginal sex (wrap it before you tap it plz), where can i find a man like this?

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: pre-rona times obviously. thank you for your patience, my dear anon! i hope this was worth the wait!

In which your first sleepover with your boyfriend of 7 months leads to your first time.

There were no words in the English language that could really describe your past few months with Alex. All of your boyfriends before him were terrible - self-centered, only ever talked about themselves, cheaters - but Alex was so different from them that you were nearly convinced he wasn’t human. He was always a gentleman, always ensuring that he would respect whatever boundaries you set in place - whether it be discomfort with PDA, or having to tell him you were not yet ready to take the “next step” in your relationship, he was always respectful towards you.

And that brings you to your first time spending the night at Alex’s house, roughly seven months into dating. To say you were nervous would be an understatement - you knew that you were ready for whatever may happen once you two were under the covers of his queen-sized bed, but you couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming amount of butterflies arising in your stomach as you neared his house, your overnight bag sitting in the passenger seat beside you and you gripped your steering wheel. You took the familiar turn into the driveway to the gate that led to the high-class neighbourhood in which he lived, filled with white two-story houses that were a bit too close together for your liking, pressing the four-digit code into the keypad before driving into his neighbourhood towards his house. As the distance between his house and your car closed, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered more and more rapidly, until you parked your car in his driveway and your chest felt heavy.

It’s just one night, you thought to yourself. Everything will be ok.

You dragged yourself out of the driver’s seat of your car, walking around to gather your bag of belongings from the passenger’s side before trekking towards his front door. Your hands were shaking lightly, your head feeling a bit fuzzy, and you began to fear that your nerves would ruin your quality time with your beloved boyfriend. But when you saw him open the front door, presumably after hearing your car door be slammed shut, you felt your nerves begin to melt away - not all of them, but you definitely felt a lot better than you did during your car ride.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted as he neared you to take your bag from you, his long hair tied in a messy bun with a few loose hairs flowing in the cool breeze. “How was your day?”

You were relieved that he wasn’t bringing up any of the pressures you felt regarding your night with him, and that he was going about conversation in his regular manner - whether or not he could sense your tenseness, you weren’t sure, but you still appreciated the normalcy. You carried on the conversation as he led you inside his house, which you always thought was a bit too big for just one person, and smiled as he turned to face you and bring you into his arms. You were enveloped in his warmth and distinct cinnamon-like scent, nestling your face closer to him as if you were scared of losing grasp on this feeling.

He always made you feel so warm inside.

Your afternoon together went as per usual, with him listening to your gossip about co-workers, and you listening to new demos and song ideas that he had come up with in the gaps between visits. But as the night drew closer and closer, and you stood behind him with your arms wrapped around his torso as he prepared dinner, you felt your nerves come back. You prayed that he couldn’t sense the sudden tenseness in your body, or the mild shaking of your hands.

“What’s wrong, love? You feel tense,” he said, concern laced in his tone of voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you lied in response, hoping that he wouldn’t ask any further questions.

“You sure?” he asked, as if he could see right through your lie. He moved over to dump the pasta into the strainer that sat in the sink before turning to look at you as he spoke, leaning against the counter. “Seriously, what’s going on? Are you nervous to spend the night with me?”

“I…” You lowered your head in shame, staring at your minor scuffed boots. “Yeah. I am.”

“Love, you know I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, right? We don’t have to do anything like that if you don’t want to.”

“The thing is that I want to. I really want to. But I’m just scared, because, y’know, it’ll be my first time doing any of that stuff, and I don’t wanna mess it up,” you admitted, unable to look at your boyfriend as you feared his reaction to what you deemed an overreaction.

“It’s fine to be nervous. If you’re really ready to take that step, then I promise I’ll be gentle,” he said. He turned away from you to divide the pasta into two bowls and cover them with meat sauce before placing them at the table - again, the table was quite big for somebody who lived alone, but you figured it was because he had company over quite often. You two tried to move past the awkward conversation from the kitchen, instead going over your respective work affairs with laughter and smiles.

By the time the sun had completely set, you were both immersed in watching a random sci-fi movie that he picked from his extensive movie collection, though your mind was noticeably elsewhere, your eyes on the screen, though you were not processing a single thing that happened. You were weighing your options, going through each pro and each con of sleeping with Alex that night: you could either wait and just put off your nerves, or you could do it now and not have to worry about it in the future.

“Alex, love, I think I want to get it over with,” you said. You could feel him tense up beside you, though he quickly relaxed himself so as to not worry you.

“Are you 100% sure?” he asked. “I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

You swallowed, trying to breath slowly and deeply to calm your racing heart. “Yes. I want to do it.”

He reached forward to grab the tv remote from the coffee table, the screen going black at the push of a button, before he stood up and reached out his hand to assist you in standing beside him so he could walk with you towards his bedroom.

The room followed a neutral theme with paintings depicting a variety of different autumnal nature scenes, and a few fake plants littered the window sill. He had a king-sized bed with very simple beige bedding, a few throw pillows centered on the mattress decorated with various stitched patterns in varying colors to stand out against the monochromatic setting surrounding. Unsure as to what you were supposed to do, you turned to face him as he approached you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked, his already thick Sheffield accent growing thicker and his voice had become a bit deeper, softer.

“I am,” you nodded, looking deep into his dark brown eyes, seeing that his pupils had blown out as your eye contact continued on, before you felt him walking you backwards towards the bed until your knees hit the mattress, causing you to fall backwards onto the thick comforter. 

You watched as he unbuttoned his off-white button up, untucking it from his chocolate brown trousers and tossing it off somewhere, followed by the plain white wife beater he wore beneath it. You assumed you should follow after him and began to remove your own clothes, unbuttoning your blouse and throwing it to the side, followed by your pants.

“You’re so beautiful, doll,” he awed, a small smirk forming on his lips as he dropped his trousers to his ankles before stepping out of them. You could see that he was hard beneath his black boxers, and evidently he was quite big, which made you feel a bit nervous, but you calmed yourself by reminding yourself that he would take care of you. “I promise I’ll be careful, ok?”

“Ok,” you sighed out, your voice a bit shaky as he climbed on top of your nearly bare figure, pressing a kiss to your lips as he trailed his right hand down to play with the hem of your underwear right next to your heat. You felt the familiar tingle of arousal between your thighs as his fingers neared your sex, until you felt the pads of his fingers rubbing against your sensitive clit over your black underwear. You whined, bucking your hips against his hand and begging for him to further. “Please, I want your fingers. Please, Alex.”

Alex smirked against your lips, his hand pushing past the top hem of your panties until he was met with your soaking core, running his fingers through your arousal before bringing them back up to your clit to begin rubbing small circles over it. He kissed your neck softly as he listened intently to your sweet moans, taking in how your hips slightly rocked against his hand and your chest heaved. You felt a finger prodding at your tight entrance before slowly pushing in, your walls contracting at the odd intrusion - it was only something you had experienced on your own, but this was the first time somebody else had touched you this way. You never wanted to forget the feeling of his long finger thrusting against the soft spot within your walls. Ever.

“How does that feel?” he asked in a husky voice.

“S-so good,” you moaned out. “M-more. Another finger. Please, Alex.”

A second finger slid into your tight hole, a slight burn accompanying the stretch, but it wasn’t something you were completely unfamiliar with due to your own exploration through late nights on your own. His thumb still toyed with your clit as he thrusted his middle and ring finger against the internal sweet spot, leaving open-mouthed kisses, and every so often a hickey, on the skin of your jaw, neck, and collar.

You finally felt comfortable moving your own hand towards his body, a moment of confusion evident in the way he faltered for a bit before he realized what your intentions were, letting out a low groan as he felt your hand wrap around his hard member.

The two of you lied there, wrapped in each other’s warmth as you worked in tandem to prepare for the main event. You both momentarily forgot that you would be losing your virginity that night, though you were shortly reminded when a third finger plunged into you. Your thighs were shaking, the familiar knot growing in your stomach (notable quicker than when you were on your own.

“Alex… I think I’m gonna cum,” you whisper, unable to raise your voice in fears of being embarrassingly loud.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he coaxed. “Cum around my fingers.”

He groaned as he felt your walls tighten around his fingers, the motions of your hand around his cock pausing as you cried out his name, shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body as you came harder than ever before.

“You look so beautiful when you cum,” he said, pulling his hand out of your underwear and removing your own hand from his. “It’s not too late to change your mind.”

“I want you, Alex. I’m ready, I promise,” you said, still breathless from your orgasm. Although you were weak, you were still able to remove your bra and underwear; now your bare body was on full display as he worked on removing his own underwear, his large cock springing out from the cloth confines. From jerking him off, you could already tell he was well endowed, but now that you could actually see the member, your worries came back.

Is he gonna fit? How badly is this gonna hurt? Should I still go through with this?

“Doll,” he calls out, interrupting your train of thought. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I-I want to. I’m just nervous it’ll hurt,” you admit, leaning on your elbows and looking up at him, trying not to be distracted by his bare state.

“I prepped you, but if you’re nervous, I can do some more,” he suggested as he walked over the the nightstand beside you, opening the singular drawer from the dark wooden table, grabbing a silver packet - obviously a condom - from the disorganized drawer, before looking at you with concern.

“No need. I’m just nervous. Were you nervous your first time?” you asked with curiosity.

“Of course I was. But, I was also a horny teenager who was desperate to knock boots, so… Are you sure?”

You nodded quickly, watching as he tore the condom wrapper over and placed the piece of latex over his member before he climbed on top of you, holding himself up on his forearms. His member was resting against your lower abdomen, his lips pressing soft kisses to your next as he tried to soothe your worries. Before you knew it, he was grabbing his cock and lining it up with your entrance, asking you once again if you were ready, before proceeding to push forward. You cringed at the intrusion, a whimper leaving your swollen lips upon feeling the burning stretch of your walls as he pushed his hips closer towards your own, his thick length filling the tight virgin canal.

“You doin’ ok, doll?” he asked through a grunt. It wasn’t necessarily an unfamiliar sensation for him; however, it had been a while since he had been intimate with somebody on this level, and he had not been with a virgin in quite some time. Your walls felt so warm around him, so tight, and in that moment he felt so lucky that he had the high amounts of self-control that he did, because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

“Y-yeah,” you whisper with a tremble, and you could feel the sting of tears forming in your eyes; you attempted to blink them away, but they only hazed your vision and trickled down your temples onto the Egyptian cotton pillowcase. “Keep going.”

He nodded at your wish, kissing you gently to distract from the ever growing pain between your thighs, whispering to you to keep breathing and stopping every few pushes to make sure you were reading to continue. He eventually bottomed out, and you felt as if you were able to finally breathe normally, melting into his touch as he brought a hand to your face to wipe the tears off of your flushed face.

“You’re doing good,” he praised. “Let me know when you want me to move, ok?” He ran a large hand through your hair, kissing you all over your face as you calmed down.

“I’m ready, Alex. Make love to me,” you pleaded to him, grabbing his biceps to brace yourself for the upcoming main. He slowly began to pull his hips away from yours, steadily dragging his cock out of your sopping heat before he pushed forward again at a matching pace, intently watching your reactions to make sure he wasn’t hurting you too badly. The pain was unlike anything you had experienced before, but you welcomed it with open arms and the knowledge that it would soon fade into something more desirable. So you waited. You waited with tears until the pain subsided, whimpers and sobs of pain derailing into breathy moans and cries of his name as you held him so closely that he felt as if you feared letting him go.

You felt as if you had reached the ultimate euphoria as you felt him thrust into you, though you were certain he was not going as hard as he normally would in fear of harming you - he was always so gentle with you, and he wanted to take care of you now more than ever so as to not make your first time unpleasurable.

He felt as if you two were made for each other in every sense of the word - it was the way your hands fit perfectly together, the way your lips felt against his, the way your laughter made him feel as if his heart was going to grow so large it’d explode, the way your small sounds of pleasure filled his ears as he filled you in a way he hadn’t filled anyone else.

The familiar knot was slowly tying itself in your core as he began to speed up his thrusts, the burn had subsided completely and now you felt as if you were weightless and floating as he pleasured you. Then his fingers had once again made their way between your bodies to make contact with your clit, rubbing circles in the same manner as before. Many soft sounds filled the room, such as his low grunts, and your quiet whimpers, and the bed creaking ever-so-slightly as he rocked his body against yours.

“I’m close,” you whisper against his skin as you wrapped your legs around his lower torso, the knot now too noticeable to ignore. Your orgasm washed over you almost instantaneously, your body shaking as you came so hard that you swore you saw inverted stars against the white-hot flashes behind your closed eyes, a loud cry of his name leaving your hips as he overstimulated you.

“Fuck,” he moaned out, the constricting of your walls bringing him closer to the edge; and before he knew it, he too was finishing, filling the condom with his hot seed. He rolled off of you, collapsing on the bed beside you as he came down from the intense orgasm. “Well… how was that?” he asked after the brief moment of silence.

“It was… amazing. Thank you, Alex.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because I can.”

[innuendostudios]

Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection

I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.

Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.

* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.

Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.

Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.

Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.

The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.

Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.

Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.

Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.

The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.

The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.

Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.

The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)

Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.

Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.

Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.

Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.

Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.

The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.

Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.

Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.

Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.

The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!

Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.

Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.

Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).

The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.

Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.

[dot-adsty]

For the second round of the HP Romione Discord Popcorn Drabble, I was tagged by @accio-broom with the prompt "10 things I hate about you."

I tag @mina-roman with the prompt "of course, you did".

On a side note, it was so nice to write this. I haven't written FF in over a month due to life, and it made me excited to get back to it!

This takes place during the summer after GOF and is rated G.

10 Things I Hate About You

You need to stop thinking about him, Hermione thought to herself. You’re going to ruin your holiday. Just...think of something else.

That was easier said than done. Summer holiday had just begun, and for the life of her, she could not stop thinking about ruddy Ron Weasley.

He had asked her to join him for the summer, as he had most years. But this time felt different. Harry wasn’t going to be there the whole time, for a start. It would just be Ron and her, and about 5 other Weasleys, give or take, for the majority of the summer. She had yet to respond to his letter, which was the excuse she gave herself for her mind constantly wandering to him. It would be a good excuse if it hadn’t been a problem for the entirety of the last year.

It had been a tumultuous year, to say the least. With the Triwizard Tournament and Voldemort coming back and Cedric...it hadn’t been the best year. Not to mention the Yule Ball. It should have been her time to shine. She was the date of an international quidditch star. A quidditch star who was kind, and sweet, and gave her her first kiss. And yet he was not the one she found herself daydreaming about.

She had wanted Ron to ask her, she knew that. She could admit that. But what she couldn’t admit was why she wanted him to ask her. They were friends; best friends. That’s why she wanted to go with him. Right?

She huffed and excused herself from the dinner table. She needed to respond to his letter. She was sure that would alleviate her stress.

She sat down at her desk, pen in hand (there was absolutely no reason to use a quill outside of school) and took a deep breath.

Dear Ron,

See that’s not so hard, she told herself. However, when she went to continue, she struggled, not sure of what to say.

After what felt like hours of staring at a nearly blank parchment, she decided to tackle her problem from another angle.

She would make a list.

She loved lists; she loved order and structure. And who said that one can’t organise their feelings? It was the perfect plan.

She grabbed a new parchment and drew a line down the middle. It was going to be a pro and con list, but before she could categorise her thoughts, she needed to figure out exactly what she was writing about.

She let a sliver of vulnerability slip out and finally admitted to herself that she may, just a little bit, possibly, have feelings for her best friend. Romantic feelings. She huffed again but felt a bit lighter as she did.

She also felt better after she told herself that she would burn the parchment as soon as she was done.

Now knowing what her list was about, she began to think.

If the pros outweighed the cons, then she would have to tell him her feelings. But if the cons outweighed the pros...then she was off the hook.

Pros

She wrote down in her swirling script.

He’s your best mate

She realised that that had negatives attached to it too, and also added it to the con list.

He makes you laugh

He really is quite intelligent, even if he doesn’t give himself enough credit

He’s kind

He’s loyal

He ate slugs for you

He went into a forest of spiders for you

She was on a roll. She kept writing and writing until her pro list had 25 things on it. Her con list was still mostly empty with the one con she had written.

Apprehension crept into her. If she couldn’t find 26 things wrong with Ron, she would have to tell him how she felt. That was the purpose of this exercise, after all. How in Merlin’s name was she supposed to do that?

She shook away her dread, to the best of her ability, and began to write in the con column.

He’s infuriating at times

He may not like you back

You could ruin your friendship

She felt tears prick her eyes. This is why she didn’t want to tell him—she didn’t want to lose him. In that desperate moment, she made a deal with herself. If she could come up with 10 cons—10 things she hated about him—then that would be enough, she wouldn’t have to tell him. She could live in peace knowing she didn’t ruin their friendship and she could find a way to move on.

10 things. It really wasn’t much; she already had four.

He’s

She wrote, struggling to come up with something. After minutes of intense thought, she was able to come up with 10 things. She was grasping at straws, with her last item complaining about his messy eating habits, but she did it. And that meant that she wouldn’t have to tell him.

Feeling almost giddy with relief, she burnt her list and circled back to her original parchment. It certainly wouldn’t be strange or awkward for two friends to spend the holiday together. They would have a great time, and when Harry eventually joined them, they would have an even better time. As friends.

Dear Ron,

I would very much like to spend the summer with you.

She started and found that the words flowed out of her. After all, she had been doing it for years; writing to Ron, being friends with Ron, and there was nothing that she wanted to do that could change that.

Right?