#interesting how i can track my growth through this change

[avissapiens]

Himbull Summer 2024

(Long post ahead but worth the read)

I was intending to do something like this again this year but a previous ask really started the gears turning into motion. I really consider last year’s Jockbull summer experiment to be one of the most impactful changes I've made in a lot of ways. I’m still feeling some of the impacts and changes in my life on a permanent basis. I’ve got new friends I made through the process, new appreciation of style and whole new skillsets that I wouldn't have developed otherwise. Which is why I'm super excited to do this again but with a few adjustments to refine the concept and hopefully reap even deeper rewards for my own growth. I will be running this from Nov 15th 2024 - Feb 15th 2025.

I’ll explain some of the adjustments very briefly before I explain the plan and how you all will be able to interact with it.

We’ve cut down from 15 tasks over 3 plans to just 8 over 2. 

This year by popular demand the archetype’s I’ll work on growing and encapsulating will be Himbo and Bull. This was voted on by the lovely paid Patreon supporters. With the final votes looking like this

I will only be doing 1 plan with a partner this year. That partner is Abgsado as we did last year and you all can keep track of his progress on discord in his own dedicated channel.

The plans

As I noted above this year rather than 3 plans of 5 tasks we only have 2 plans of 4.  15 tasks was way too much as evidenced by the fact that I would regularly only get a fraction done.

PLAN A

This is the more Bull-centric side of the Himbull summer, focused not just on taking the most of this current bulking period, but also on expanding and centering my mind to possibilities for growth. This is the plan Abg and I developed together using a structure of 1 personal task, 1 task granted by the other, 1 task we compete at, and 1 task where we took some inspiration from the discord community.

Task 1 is my personal task and will involve a stronger supplementation regime with the goal of increasing anabolism, libido, strength and focus over the coming months. What that entails on a practical basis is cycling 2 new supplements into my routine every month. Recording notable changes or improvements from baseline. And keeping consistent dosing schedules.

Task 2  was granted by Abg and focuses on playing around with atypical perspectives and archetypes for growth and change outside of my usual 5/6. I intend to do that by creating some more improvisational mini trances exploring some new growth/corruption-adjacent ideals. These will also be on a biweekly schedule and depending on how I feel released at different levels of exclusivity.

Task 3 is the competitive task for both Abg and I. We both want to expand our fitness socials on sites like Instagram and shift ourselves more into the muscle lifestyle sphere of influence.

Task 4 is the task synthesized from suggestions from discord. We’re gonna fuse the Himbo and Bull gym loops together and dedicate ourselves to listening to it on 2 training days per week. Let ourselves really get mindfucked by the muscle chaos.

PLAN B

 This is the more himbo coded plan. No specific structure however for this set 1 is a personal task and 3 were given by some of my top-tier himbo advisors. So big thanks to them, including @thejockout. Task 1 is the personal task. Similar to last year’s task regarding disposing of certain clothes, this year is going to be about purchasing things that I think are gonna draw more attention my way. I’m gonna aim for a new Himbo Aesthetic component every 2 weeks. And I’m going to force myself to wear each component at least twice in public, not just at the gym.

Task 2 is about making semi-permanent changes to my look in some form or fashion, beyond just clothes. These are gonna be fairly big so i think i might do them on a Monthly or maybe tri-weekly basis so i get 3-4 Big changes out of the process. Bit scared for this one.

Task 3 is gonna be interesting. It’s about putting myself forward to be used as a muscular physical being more often. Lifting, pushing, carrying. Doing the physical aspects of work. Very golden retriever farm boy himbo. “I can get that for you, ma’am. Not a problem”. Part of this summer I’ll be doing an internship at a lab. So in addition to being an academic weapon I’ve also gotta make sure this muscle is both functional and for show.

Task 4 focuses on being a bit more of a slut when I'm in public or around my friends. Putting a bit more sauce on my normal speaking voice, being a tiny bit more touchy feely with people who I know it's safe and kosher to do so with, flirting a bit more liberally.

Engagement

Like last year, I want you all to watch me and interact with this journey. But we’re changing it up a little this year. You’ll be able to get 4 different sources for this journey, all of varying intensity and completeness.

The standard base will be a monthly update released on tumblr synthesizing the whole month of activity with some notable events and reflections on them. These will be free and also probably either cross-posted or linked on Patreon. The next level will be more granular fortnightly updates available to all paid patrons, these will include some sticking points, things I’m struggling with. And I might even ask for suggestions for how to tackle tasks I have problems with. I will also like last year be doing fortnightly voice diaries which will likely be similar to the two above but maybe with some extra impromptu thoughts thrown in, again at the paid patreon tier.

And finally, in twitter’s dying gasp(not even gonna link it but you know how to find me) and a begrudging attempt to strike while the iron is hot on bluesky, I’ll also be doing a lot more frequent if less thought through crossposts on those two sites.

If you by any chance want to help me in any of these tasks and have a personal hand in molding me as I’ve molded you then I can provide two options for support. 1st, as always, consider subscribing to my Patreon at any paid tier, but the $5 level is imo the best value for money. 2nd, I have opened up a Throne account(wishtender 2.0) with specific wishlist items geared toward different HBS tasks(namely A1, A 3, and B1). It’d be really hot for everyone to have some of those get ticked off during the summer. And folks who help out in this way will get a shout out in the relevant update.

I really hope this is an amazingly fun experience for you all and an absolutely transformative one for me. At the end of this I’ll be going into my final Bachelor’s year in this country. I want to be the hottest, buffest, and best I've ever been for these super low stakes classes. Let's make it happen folks!

  (Models for this Himbull Summer are Kieran Yawson and Trkennet)

[screamingatmyfandom]

THERE'S EVEN THE BACKGROUND MUSIC 😭

could honestly be old news, but just discovered someone recreated the pmd personality test online, with an even longer option! absolutely adore this. 🥹

[nickmarini]

Hello Nick!! Your role in Downfall was so amazing and I love the extreme nuances and choices shown in your role playing.

Can you share any how you used terms like “child”, “son” and “father” when referring to the dawn father? Was it separately characteristics of the same god or more showing perspectives in those moments as the mortal avatar? I am fascinated and it make me scratch my brain thinking of possibilities.

Thank you so much!

#CR Downfall

Thank you for saying that, and great question!

This is a round about answer but a lot of that wordplay came from simply the name. Dawnfather is such a name rich in meaning. Both aspects of it have ties to time and new beginnings.

Dawn is the suns' rise each morning, born anew to herald the coming day. Its consistent return gives mortals the ability to track the weeks, the seasons, and the years. To even learn that the suns' patterns can allow one to divine the seasons takes years of thoughtful study. Dawn dispels the darkness and stimulates natures growth. It’s constantly new and also always constant.

Father. One cannot become a father without time. To be a father, one must have been a child, it is a stage of life that must be reached. It necessitates change and growth as much as the dawn does. A father knows what it is to have been a child, to have been the dawn, and now he watches over it, paving the way for the new. If I’m going to show a different side of the Dawnfather then showing that previous stage of life seemed interesting.

Within his name itself is this story of growth. His was the first light, he fathered the dawn, and he has kept watch through the ages as the keeper the time. Sun, summer, time, agriculture, harvest, he is a hands on god, consistent, dutiful, present, with his hands in the dirt, it is what he knows. To become mortal and not tend to the world is hard for him.

Ayden is young, he is new, he is the Dawn, but not yet the Father. He is an aspect, the Dawnfathers hope sent down to Exandria to aid his siblings. He has more abilities pertaining to agriculture than the sun because that is the Dawnfathers newest domain. He comes late because the Dawnfather wants to wait till the absolute last minute to abandon his post. He has yet to make the journey.

All this to say that I wanted to explicitly show him growing from this experience. Ayden is not the Dawnfather we know…yet, he is the Dawnchild, on his journey. He has not toiled for ages tending to the world. I believe that the Dawnfather pre and post divergence is quite different. I think the divine gate separates him from the hands on nature of his expressed divinity. I think Ayden was a way to show this dawning realization that to be a good father one must empathize with children but also sometimes make the hard decisions for them, something they do not always agree with.

I wanted to play with him being both a part of the greater whole of the Dawnfather, and something seperate. His literal age of 15 means he is not fully formed despite being infused with the divine soul of the Dawnfather. Getting to play with “child” “son” and “father” let me highlight the differences and illuminate the growth that happens during this time of mortal incarnation and explore the inner turmoil with the Dawnfather himself as his various aspects interact with one another.

There is also precedent in some belief systems of Sun gods birthing themselves or being replaced by their own mortal incarnations. I think for a diety that rises anew each day it’s natural to associate imagery of rebirth or the journey of child to father.

And lastly I think it shouldn’t be overstated how much effect the Everlight and Trist had on Ayden. Nearly half of his levels are devoted to her. I think that sort of reinforces his mortal shell in a unique way and gives him the opportunity to be two things at once more fully.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

Another week chock full of Japanese ql. I am officially dropping a currently airing show from QL Corner--let us never speak of it again. Of the other six shows still airing now, five are streaming weekly on Gaga and the other is available via fansub.

Takara's Treasure

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite things airing—it gets better every week, and it's been good from the start! This story is a great example of the way tension and depth of feeling in a great romance can build. I was delighted to have Takara confirm Taishin's confession and coax him into dating this early on because it means we are going to actually spend some time with them figuring out how to work as a couple. And I don't expect it will be smooth sailing, because these two have some incompatible issues that are going to exacerbate each other.

Cosmetic Playlover

This show is gorgeous, but it all feels pretty empty. Thank you to @usertoxicyaoi for confirming that the show is racing through the plot so it can cover the whole arc of the manga. I'm glad to understand why it's doing this, but it doesn't help with my total emotional disconnect from the story, because the show is rushing through and not letting us actually experience this relationship. They tell us they like each other, then that they're in love, then that they're established and struggling, but I can't feel it because they haven't brought us along for any of that. This week featured an interesting plot about their professional growth and how it challenges their relationship, but I was frustrated because I have no investment in said relationship to give the plot stakes. I may just have to accept that this one will stay a treat for the eyes but lacking in depth for me.

I Hear the Sunspot

We back! After a bit of a miscalibrated installment last week, this episode felt more characteristic and we finally got our boys back on track. Maya was less egregiously mean to people this week and her interference was treated as more comedic than sinister, which is a much better fit for the tone of this show. And once Kohei got around her, he finally talked properly with Taichi and asked him to stay on as his notetaker, reaffirming their friendship in the process. Despite Maya's efforts to convince him otherwise, Kohei has not wavered and his firm declaration that he doesn't want anyone but Taichi taking his notes or eating his food had me gasping. For his part, Taichi is getting better at keeping his cool and finding words when Kohei lets his feelings slip, and he's clearly thinking a lot about his own feelings and whether their connection is really about friendship.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Oh man, this show has really gotten itself into a muddle. We finally got a kiss, but it hardly felt like a triumph. This episode was a bit of a return to form, with Ayaka back to her relentless pursuit of Hiroko, but the way the story diverged to change the conflict midstream has mucked it all up. For the first half the conflict was about Hiroko believing Ayaka is straight, and then suddenly it was about a different work-related closet trauma that did not connect to that. Now it’s touching on both but in a way that makes Hiroko seem inconsistent, because now that she knows Ayaka is a lesbian it doesn't track that she would continue to patronize and dismiss her, and it also sucks that Ayaka is harassing Hiroko at work despite knowing she doesn't want to be out. It feels like the story is invalidating Hiroko’s fears about being out in a way we know is not consistent with reality. This would all work better if the backstory had been about Hiroko falling for a woman who succumbed to comphet and we kept up the misunderstanding and comedy about Ayaka being straight. As it is, I feel like our heroine no longer makes sense and our couple still hasn't formed a real connection, and with only one episode to go it’s unlikely they’ll land the plane.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

I just love everything about this show and its mature perspective on relationships. In the aftermath of Ishida's hasty confession (and his attempt to walk it back, which I love that Mitsuya did not fall for), we take a beat for Mitsuya to consider the two men circling him and what he wants from his life. I loved that he took the time he needed to process and end his relationship with Noguchi on his own terms this time, and to consider whether he has the desire and the energy to try again with someone new. When he said he has his home and his work and his Frito and that's enough for him, I felt that. But Ishida has already gotten to him, and as Shige wisely pointed out, Mitsuya must care about him quite a bit to be considering this deeply before making a move. I'm not sure he's ready to dive in, but he doesn't have much will to fight it, either. You can go here for the files to watch this episode, with big thanks to @isaksbestpillow and @nicks-den.

Tagging @bengiyo to add this week's anime update.

[melinoephilia]

Analyzing Anya & Xander's Duet

Aside from the general sadness of the episode, one of the sad things about "Once More With Feeling" is Anya and Xander's "I'll Never Tell" song. First, let's start with the most obvious. When Xander sings about Anya in this song, almost all his lines about her positives have to do with her body/looks and being in her "tight embrace" (we all know what he was really talking about). In fact, if you go through the lyrics of the song, the only time he compliments her personality is when he calls her a charmer and says she's sweller. But if we look at all the things he sang previously, is it charmer for her personality or because of what she does for him? (satisfy his sexual urges). On the opposite end of this, he has many criticisms of her personality within the song, "She clings. She's needy. She's also really greedy." Furthermore, if you want to take his insecurity lines into account, you can see that while, yes, he's insecure, which is fair, anyone can be insecure, they're also implying that he believes she's only with him for monetary purposes, and views him as disposable DESPITE her clear dedication to him (and willingness to live in his parents' basement). Don't even get me started on the "Am I marrying a demon" line. While I can understand that fear, on account she was a demon for a thousand or so years, it completely ignores all the human growth she had and character arc she went through.

Now let's start on Anya's verses. While yes, she does criticize him a bit, almost all her lines have to do with one of two things. A) the way he treats her. OR. B) insecurities centered solely on her. She doesn't compliment him much in this song, but she doesn't disparage who he is as person much either, and when she does it's either things all couples complain about like, "he snores" and most fair of all "his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe," or things that critique his behavior in their relationship, "I talk. He breezes." and "Say housework and he freezes." Now I will acknowledge one line she said "His eyes are really beady." Yes this is a diss against his appearance, but this also comes with her interrupting a long verse of him just disparaging her personality and she was like just trying to stop that train by changing the track. It should also be noted that this verse against her personality came directly after she called out his habit of hiding behind buffy when things get rough, so he is clearly lashing out having not liked the feeling of feeling emasculated. Another note is that all but one of her complimentary lines toward him have to do with his personality. "He's swell," and "My knight in shining armor."

From her lines in the song we can see how insecure he makes her, because ultimately we have to remember this is a song about their relationship. "Will I look good when I've gotten old," "when I get so worn and wrinkly. That I look like David Brinkley," "I've read this tale. There's wedding. Then betrayal," and most importantly "Like it's all just temporary."

Lastly, just a quick assessment on their perception of their relationship that comes in near the end of the song. Xander sings, "Am I crazy?" whereas Anya sings, "Am I dreaming?" She views this as a dream, something not possible but somehow is, whereas he views it as something crazy, a word with negative connotations, that what he's doing could be done by someone not in their right mind.

My summation? While this song is upbeat and peppy, it actually was telling us exactly how their love story would end, as well as who would be the one to run. Xander, as much as he's central to the scoobies, was and always will be a sexist coward. He never loved Anya, he only love what she could do for him, and she was also the only one interested in him.

Anya wasn't perfect, but she 100x deserved better.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2024-08-16

(Previous post - current page 666)

We're continuing from yesterday inside Therapy Purgatory, and by checking out this second part with what looks like Mindfang's Journal, I'll finally be caught up on Homestuck^2: Beyond Canon and ready to liveblog any future updates as they come! :D Don't expect me to drop everything and blog immediately every time there's an upd8, but you CAN expect me to be ready to liveblog at least within a couple days of each one, I'll try to keep track of the Homestuck Twitter for updates to this section specifically too.

So, Mindfang's Journal... what will this represent in comparison to the others? Not Terezi, yet? It seems like her feelings toward Terezi would be either saved for the last part (the 8-ball) or not shown here at all, because her path to growth regarding Terezi is meant to be resolved outside the Plot Point's purgatory, not inside.

Will this deal with her relationship with her ancestor, and/or her mother? Is she going to see that she was looking up to a toxic role model in those journals? Are we going to see any hints of Vriska having been transfem or is that relegated to Pesterquest still, 'cause that would be nice to see? (I don't know much about Pesterquest other than that toblerone wish being fulfilled over there along with several other possible-trans identities hinted, no need to spoil me on any of it in case I have the courage to go through that content someday. It'd be too much work to LIVEBLOG it but I might go through it on my own and have commentary to share with y'all or something.)

Okay, clicking on Mindfang's journal now...

YEAR 4

WOW, she's going to have caught up to John (and/or Terezi in the (Meat) Timeline more like) in age at this rate? GOSH she takes a long time to psychotherapize but this is the best deus ex machina I could have ever imagined, getting her to have so much time without distractions to ACTUALLY work through her issues is fucking incredible.

But what is she working on this time?

Oh hi, one of the Nannasprites? Her "lucky mojo"... so she doesn't feel like she has her powers in this realm, which makes sense because there's no relevance or luck left to take/steal from here that isn't already concentrated inside herself?

HOLY SHIT SHE'S ACTUALLY GROWING UP IN THE SPRITEWORK, she's taller with longer horns and everything!!!!! Compare to this from the Flarp Manual section:

--although when you compare that to THIS from the very BEGINNING of page 666's sequence before the two year skip, there's not much change:

--so this NEW, MUCH TALLER sprite model is a huge step up in visual age that will likely last a section or two at least, or even serve as her final form aside from outfit changes.

Moving on...

Okay, so she's been trying to use her powers with everyone cheering her on, and it hasn't been working.

VRISKA: I don't want to 8ore you, it's just the same pro8lem as always. VRISKA: Finally I get my sea legs and figured out what this whole process is a8out, 8reeze through Eridan and John and Kanaya, only to get stuck all over again on HER.

Interesting... so is it Terezi, Mindfang, or her Lusus? I figure the Cueball section that isn't done yet is Doc Scratch, because Doc was someone who intentionally used and took advantage of her faults compared to almost anyone else, and fooled her into using the excuse of inevitability. Interesting that that's the next step after she's "cleared" lessons she's learned from her past relationships with the others offscreen. So who's this HER who's the step before this?

VRISKA: I'm not so sure........she's different from the rest of them. And no matter how I approach this, I can't figure out what the hell she wants.

Hm-- perhaps this one isn't about listening to them and what they want, but penetrating through to a way in which THEY wronged YOU and that you SHOULDN'T be listening to what they want, if we're going with Mindfang or her Lusus?

Ooh, it's weird and heartening to hear her honestly telling the Nannasprite Duo that they've made this "whole experience way more 8earable" and honestly thanking them. She's really in the process of growing up emotionally, not just physically, and it's SHOWING.

And now she's talking about having talked with John about Nanna and their shared experience of "connecting to our predecessors through their writings". Maybe "HER" IS Terezi, and she's going to try to take a detour to try and learn from Mindfang to help her with the process, only to figure out how to be somewhat disillusioned with Mindfang or actually learn from Mindfang's mistakes somehow?

VRISKA: What exactly do humans get out of these familial prim8 relationships, anyway?

Hrmm, maybe this IS about her lusus?

Ooh, Vriska asking Nannasprite why she had children (Dad Egbert). Never thought she'd ask something like that.

NANNASPRITE: I couldn't exactly bring that man [Sassacre] back from the dead, but I could put myself in his shoes and do the bang up job he never had the opportunity to do. Not to mention, I like babies! :B

Yeah, you would!

Hahah, of course Vriska doesn't understand why a human would want to raise a gross infant. So maybe this IS about her Lusus, and why her Lusus would really "want" to raise her and not eat her in part, not to mention accepting how her Lusus essentially abused and used her in ways that fucked her up?

Nanna talking about wanting to avenge herself against the Batterwitch once, before she'd vanished, of course.

NANNASPRITE: So many nights spent plotting that awful woman's downfall and making her pay for all the indignities of my childhood. For always making me feel like I was powerless to do anything.

OH THIS SECTION IS TOTALLY ABOUT VRISKA AND HER LUSUS ISN'T IT!!!

NANNASPRITE: Not to mention that now, after seeing what my younger self has gotten up to in this realm [Candy], I clearly underestimated the depth of my own desires.

Yeah, that must have been disconcerting. It's so easy for Life players, tied to the aspect of power and wealth and privilege, to decide they want IT ALL regardless of their class.

And Nannasprite realizes that if she HAD gotten revenge against the Batterwitch she wouldn't have been satisfied, that's a mature viewpoint; she can't fill the hole in her heart with it.

Wow, even watching Vriska these past few years has changed Nannasprite's point of view, she says?

NANNASPRITE: I had always wanted Betty Crocker to know what a mistake it was to steal my life, my potential, from me. NANNASPRITE: But the real issue was that not once during my childhood did I ever feel particularly wanted, or welcomed, into the world. I only had my brother, and even he ran off on me! NANNASPRITE: Yet despite that fact, and the anger and the disappointment, I still raised someone who knew what it was like to be loved.

And that pretty much SOLIDIFIES that this has to be about Vriska's lusus. We'll finally get to hear the version of her that TALKED to Vriska in sprite form, possibly! That would be the best way to work through the abuse that she was put through in part, and how unloved she felt in other-part where she felt if she didn't feed her lusus said lusus would easily have turned on her and eaten her to search out better food providers, Vriska likely always believed. Perhaps she'll also learn that her lusus thought teaching her to feed on and kill other trolls would MAKE HER STRONG, much like Bro's abuse of Dave was intended to make HIM 'strong' but weakened him in ways he's still reckoning with.

Nannasprite definitely feels that despite her hardship, she "indeed fulfill a path of potential to its fullest degree", lived a full and enriching life by doing what her own parent wouldn't for her for someone else, and doesn't regret it. And almost ("marginally") is grateful for the Batterwitch serving as counterexample, as learning NOT to live like her taught her how to seek true happiness through fulfilling others, not just herself. Vriska needs to learn this same lesson from her own experience with her lusus, it's being all spelled out here practically. Heck, it almost feels like we're speedrunning the part, except Vriska will need a bit more than the answer spelled out for her like this to get it through her thick head I bet.

VRISKA: I guess that makes sense. Weren't you worried, though? That you weren't following the right path, or living up to your destiny? NANNASPRITE: I never even considered that, hoo hoo! NANNASPRITE: Is that how you kids think these days? My lord, no wonder none of you go outside anymore.

(Pff)

Interesting, maybe Mindfang IS involved in this section too, maybe BOTH her lusus and Mindfang-- and the above is indeed an insecurity Vriska reckoned with through the very end of her plotline so far.

VRISKA: Don't p8tronize me, old lady! Destiny's the found8tion of my godhood!

Yeah, she still has a lot to learn.

Nannasprite contending that "destiny mostly fulfills itself" is nice, and also a very Life-player outlook I'd think.

Aw, Vriska's even apologizing for getting snippy!! She's come so far already!!!

Oh gosh, this WONDERFUL pose in this frame and Vriska's eye shining with emotion in it, that's so good.

{Choose Mindfang's Journal.}

Pure white...?

{????????}

Oh you overdramatic 8itch, Ancestor-version Aranea Serket! Mindfang being as overdramatic and insufferable as she TRULY MUST HAVE BEEN.

Now she's storywriting for her, setting a scene unseen, the way Mindfang's journals must have done for Vriska making her imagine her ancestor's setting and travels. Also interesting how her tangled spiderweb looked like broken glass...

As was the figure 8efore her. Though she had only ever seen it 8ehind her eyes, its form was shaped 8y words.

I have to admit, overdramatic as Mindfang can be, sometimes her writing is really damned good.

VRISKA: You can drop the ominous buildup, I already know the twist.

Hahahaha, even SHE'S getting impatient with Mindfang by now.

Oh? Had the thief 8een here 8efore?

Interesting to see the ghost/image that "shouldn't" know about the broader situation visibly deducing things about its recurrence, because both the real Mindfang would have and Vriska's image of her was smart enough to put it together.

--AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS!??! WOW. When she said she was stuck at this part, she wasn't kidding! I hope some of what Nannasprite just told her helps her finally break through the web Mindfang's journal caught her in.

VRISKA: The whole endeavor usually ends with me either killing you or... feeding myself to you.

WOW

IT'S HER LUSUS *AND* MINDFANG COMBINED

HOLY SHIT

Talk about a tangled knot of insecurities to tackle together all at once!!!!!!

VRISKA: You were all like, "Surprise, 8itch. I'm 8oth the Marquise, and your lusus!" And I fell str8 on my ass, flipping the fuck out like a 8ig tool.

Of course, this wasn't the way it was back in her real life. It's the fact that the impact both Mindfang and her Lusus's expectations had on her was similar, and an intertwined problem she has to deal with all at once. (Also this is a more interesting way to hear her lusus "talk to her" than hearing however the fuck Spidersprite must have roared.)

Scene change to the feeding cliff.

VRISKA: Hi, Momfang.

That's a heck of a nickname that works so well right now.

Holy FUCK AAAAH!!! That's a hell of a clever jumpscare and artistic depiction, her lusus roaring from out of the shape of the back of Mindfang's HAIR!

Ew, Vriska got stuck in the web once and had to eat her way out? Not pleasant.

WOW THAT'S DISTURBING, Mindfang tenderly hugging the lusus's severed head from after Vriska mercy-guillotine'd her. HS^2 artists are going crazy good here, both visually and thematically.

The girl was 8linded 8y her pup8ed angst. As 8efouled as those we8s were, this gossamer carnage had 8een home, once. Her time here made her who she was.

Fucking indeed. Vriska has to come to terms with that, both the good and bad of it, in ways she's refused to confront fully.

Mindfang asking her to collaborate with "thespian vivacity" here in her melodrama.

Yeah, back then the satisfaction of FLARP as a game was short-lived because it meant feeding the troll who lost to your lusus, ending in screams.

VRISKA: Every win, I had to share with her. Every moment, I felt her w8ting for me. It feels 8ad, not getting a choice when you do all the fucking work.

Yeah, her lusus's relationship with her was abusive and PARASITIC.

VRISKA: Sure, the 8ooty was gr8, up until the point where there was no one left to play with. After that, it was all good as gar8age.

:CCC

Ah HERE we go. Vriska's now hearing the voice of her mother(s) speaking to her conviction that it was a GOOD thing to be raised as a killer, when parts of Vriska have learned that there are ways of growing up not shouldering that awful responsibility that could have been better... but needs to accept that in her own case, too.

VRISKA: I've already tried respecting you for making me the 8est, 8ut you know what I'm realizing? VRISKA: I didn't have to go through aaaaaaaall of THAT to 8e strong. Vrissy didn't! VRISKA: Even growing up in a f8ke world where no one has a spine, and with 8arely any guidance, her powers can do things mine can't.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT she's LEARNING FROM VRISSY ALREADY YESSSSSSSS

AND FUCKING CONFIRMATION THAT I WAS RIGHT THAT SHE WAS MANIPULATING HUMANS IN WAYS VRISKA HERSELF COULDN'T!!!

I don't think this is the right place for her to realize that the other Vriska has a different Hero Role, but she will eventually, doubtless, if the theory pans out, and I just can't wait for that if it's going to happen.

VRISKA: 8ut that's the point, right? VRISKA: There is no p8sitive spin, no learning to appreci8 you, 8ecause even by Alternian st8ndards you sucked! VRISKA: You weren't a cust8dian, you were a responsi8ility. VRISKA: I protected you, I c8red for you, and you would have happily killed me the moment things didn't go your w8y.

FUCKING PREACH

And?

FUCK YOU MOMFANG

VRISKA: Th8t's not fucking norm8l!!!!!!!!

YESSSSS GROW UP VRISKA!!!!

Oh wow, now LUSUS HEAD Momfang is holding MINDFANG's head.

VRISKA: I had one place I was supposed to feel safe. VRISKA: Why did you h8ve to 8e everything wrong with the w8rld, rolled into one terri8le monster?

😭

Yeah, the momspider was only acting according to her toxic nature. There's nothing to redeem about it.

VRISKA: I KN8W YOU'RE HUNGRY! What a8out me? My entire gru8hood, I gave and you took. F8r once, what a8out what I w8nt?! She has never considered this. And wasn't considering it now, to be clear.

😭😭

8ut the narrator was curious, what DID the spiderling want from the monster?

Here we go... open your heart and spill out its contents, Vriska.

VRISKA: What I w8nt is for you to go 8ack in time and pr8tect that fucking kid, like you were supposed to!!!!!!!! VRISKA: If you did, may8e I'd 8e a8le to relax and let my f8cking guard down for ONCE, instead of const8ntly ruining things and thinking everyone is going to turn around and kill me!

😭😭😭

VRISKA: Oh my god. VRISKA: Tavros was right!!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

VRISKA: Now I get why talking to all my friends finally led up to you. VRISKA: Y8u're the reason why I could never trust any8ody! VRISKA: Even h8r!!!!!!!! Especi8lly her.

Nooooo Terezi thoughts!!! 😭 I mean I LOVE that she's finally putting it together but it's also SO SAD OMG

This is the pain she needed to face.

And now she's even rolling it into following in the footsteps of the Marquise being wrong.

She taught her descendant so much, and in such lurid detail. VRISKA: It was 80% smut!!!!!!!!

LOLOLOL

Yeah, just as you're saying now Vriska: Mindfang's example helped keep you alive, made you a "wicked pir8", but also made everyone else hate you. :C

VRISKA: I could have 8een any8ody... and you took that aw8y from me. You made me afraid of it.

I'd insert another very appropriate sob emoji here but I'm afraid of overusing it. I'm so glad Vriska is coming to terms with all this, FINALLY, after two years of trying to confront her mothers' ghosts.

--Of course Momfang says she thinks she would be an idiot to trust anyone. She was passing along her own toxic mentality.

And Vriska says she doesn't want to think like that anymore.

"TRAPPED."

Vriska regretting not killing her lusus, saving herself from what she became, before it was too late.... christ that's heavy.....

8ut even as she said it, the Thief knew that was never an option. Emancip8tion couldn't 8e granted to either party, only mutually assured destruction. VRISKA: ........ VRISKA: I wish it had 8een different. Impossible. VRISKA: I wish I was 8orn some8ody else.

Oh honey!!! 😭😭😭

Another dead end.

STFU

Vriska deservedly blowing up and yelling at her to let her get out from under her, be her own fucking person for once...

What will you do?

Oh boy... the PROMPT appears again for the first time in this branch. What will you do. Do what you will.

I wonder... perhaps this time you can run from her. Live without her. Seek... some sort of sanctuary, like the one your friends could have given you. What if you had gone to live in Terezi's treehouse and just, never, ever come home again? Her sleeping lusus wouldn't have eaten you, and you'd have been just as protected as Terezi was. What will you do, Vriska? What will you do here and now?

VRISKA: Huh. "KILL." VRISKA: You know, every week I come in here trying to figure out what more you could possi8ly want from me, and every week it's the same shit. VRISKA: I really am suuuuuuuuch a moron. "FEED." VRISKA: Exactly. It was never any deeper than that, the answer was right in front of my face. VRISKA: Well. I'm not your free ticket anymore. M8tricide then?

No, she's just going to walk away. She doesn't need to CONFRONT her mother... she just needs to MOVE ON from her.

VRISKA: Nah. VRISKA: I never really wanted that either. Lest the girl forget, there were only two choices.

Nope. There's always a third option. Tavros's option, the one you used to think too cowardly. You can always simply flee.

VRISKA: 8ut that's not true. I'm not a wiggler anymore. Alternia is dead. VRISKA: For once in my life, I have options. And just what did the ungrateful upstart mean 8y that? VRISKA (that pose from earlier, hands at her hips, grinning and eye shining almost-wet, brilliant.): I'm glad you asked! VRISKA: It means I finally get to walk away from all this. And I'm not going to look 8ack.

YES, YOU GET IT VRISKA! You can finally MOVE ON from her! You can be who you want to be now, you're not trapped anymore!

The spider forgot her hunger, for a moment at least, as the reality of such a statement sunk in.

Whoa, you even gave THEM pause. :D

She was only a spider. She did not fear death, or feel regret, or hold any sadness. She never once loved the girl. She did not feel responsible. That said, the arachnid had grown accustomed to the smaller creature's presence. She extended one long, spindly leg 8efore her, towards the young troll.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck it I'm using as many of these as I want

As if to say, "HUG?"

😭

VRISKA: Oh, a8solutely not. VRISKA: Hell no.

Maybe. But if you held any feelings for her... what would be the harm, one last time? One first time?

That proved a good call, as the spider had 100% planned on eating the girl.

Okay I stand corrected. XD Get the fuck out of here Vriska, now that you finally know you never need to come back!

Instead, the long lim8 was retracted, placed 8etween the monster's own massive jaws.

What?

Crunch noise???

The spider would not notice when the girl turned to leave. And the girl would not turn around to see if she had. The 8ound cover was closed on our trusted narr8tor, as she whispered these final words. "Good luck, Vriska. 8e assured, you will need it."

🥺

And we hear the sound of footsteps, finally walking away.

{Level Complete!}

Lots of Fire motifs in the titles this time, ending in "FUNERAL PYRE". And that long candle... is it burning down a little bit each time? The lonely candle?

Perhaps representative of the trap?

Instead of going back and comparing it, I'll just take the easy route... and wait to compare it to how it looks the next time this game on page 666 updates. C:

Gosh that was so good. We'll leave things here. I'm finally caught up. I could speculate on what the last two that aren't the cueball mean... the feather doesn't make sense to me, and the 8-ball might just need to be BROKEN in order to escape the black Plot Point, metaphorically and/or literally, since Calliope did raise the possibility that the plot point might need to be "destroyed" and this candle of the time she's spending here might itself be burning it away, until she learns she has it in her heart to shine like the SUN and melt away the wax of the candle to nothing... but for once, instead of doing too much speculation on what's about to happen, I'd rather leave it for next time.

We might get to commentary at some point, or Patreon bonus panels, or even some of the Bonus Comics from before I might have missed the last tail ends of... in which case you'll get surprise posts about them from me, most likely. But for the moment, I'll just relax and see y'all again soon. At the minimum: talk to you next upd8! Or likely before then, since it seems these additions to Homestuck^2 might be weeks apart, and I'll likely feel the issue to delve into SOMETHING of the back-commentary before then in case this Mindfang journal update was anytime recent. <3

Note that if you didn't know already, the official homestuck twitter account is letting us know when the Plot Point page is upd8-ed (this last one was August 11th), and you might need to Force Refresh or clear your cache on the page if that Mindfang chapter or whatever new one that comes out later doesn't show up immediately. I'll be putting that twitter account on Notify for certain.

[apomaro-mellow]

Whatever Stevie Wants 8

Part 7

Steve dressed in the outfit his mother had set out and joined his parents in the dining room for lunch. It was a scene so familiar it made his stomach turn, and he picked helplessly at his food. He endured a couple minutes of them discussing whatever was going on with the Wilsons and their troubles with the Harriet family before finally speaking up.

“I’ve gone on with this long enough. Tell me where my children are before I call the police.”

“I don’t see how you expect to do that without your phone”, Margaret said. “And that staff has been instructed to keep you from the house phones at all costs.”

“This may seem extreme, son”, Layton started. “But it was necessary.”

“Necessary for what?! You both disowned me! And you didn’t say a word until I started dating Eddie and ‘besmirched the Harrington name’, so I changed my name and you went back to ignoring me. So why are you suddenly interested enough to kidnap me and my pups!?”

“We spent a decent chunk of our lives raising you, we deserve a return on that investment”, Layton said. “We thought allowing you to slum it out for a few years would bring you to your senses but clearly we were wrong.”

“We weren’t in contact because your father and I were hard at work for you, Steven”, his mother continued. “While you were working your tail off to drag our name through the mud. There’s hardly any alpha of good standing who will have you now. Barely any betas even.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m already mated”, Steve said, arms crossed.

“That can be undone with a simple procedure”, Layton said, getting Steve to rise to his feet.

“You wouldn’t! You can’t! I won’t-!”

“Lower your voice!!”, both of his parents shouted back.

“I’m done playing along. I’m finding my pups, and I’m leaving this place even if it’s just with the clothes on my back. It wouldn’t be the first time.” Steve wanted to flip the table but instead he just stomped away from it.

Margaret rolled her eyes. “They’re not in the house.”

That got Steve to stop in his tracks. “What?”

“Maggie, don’t lie to the boy, it’s childish”, Layton said. “We considered leaving them at the villa, but knew you’d seek them out with no regard. They’re here and they’re safe with Eleanor.”

“...Prove it.”

Margaret scoffed but Layton went ahead and took out his own phone and brought up a camera feed. He held it out for Steve to see. There, in the very same nursery that Steve had spent his own infant years, were his girls. One was sleeping in her crib while the other was on her feet, tiny hands grasping the bars as if demanding freedom. Eleanor was sitting in a rocking chair, book in hand.

“Nessa, Vi…”, Steve whispered, tears coming as easy as breathing. He knew where that room was. He could-

“You will be allowed to see them soon. But first we need to talk”, Layton said as he pocketed the phone. 

“What more is there to talk about?”, Steve’s shoulders sagged. “You said yourself, there isn’t an alpha or beta who will have me.”

“We said ‘hardly’”, Margaret said. “We have found three men who are willing to open their home to you. Despite your…checkered past.”

“Now sit down so that we may discuss it”, Layton ordered.

Steve sat down, defeated but only for now. They had caught him off guard. But he wouldn’t fall for their tricks again. Now that he thought about it, the day before his mother had pushed seconds onto him. She had never encouraged him to eat more a single day in his life. That should’ve been enough to arouse suspicion.

“So first there’s Ridwan West”, Margaret started. “I think he’ll be your favorite. He doesn’t mind taking both girls. He’s actually trying to run for office and apparently diversity is in nowadays”, she smiled.

“But if you don’t want to throw your hat in with a politician, my top choice would be Findlay Weeks”, Layton said.

“Then why don’t you fuck him?”, Steve murmured under his breath.

“The Weeks have a diverse portfolio and they don’t rest on their laurels. You could be looking at exponential growth”, his father continued, used to his son’s mutters after years of them.

“But the Weeks are more…inclusive”, Margaret said. “When we mentioned your daughters, he’s fine with adopting Violet, especially if she blooms into an alpha….Vanessa on the other hand…”

Steve dropped his fork. “You would make me abandon one of my children!?”

“Don’t be dramatic, you would still have contact with her. Eleanor is amazing with children. And of course we have other omega maids who would love another child. How many pups did Nadine have?”

“One, mother. Nadine had one”, Steve said. But he didn’t expect his parents to recall details of their staff. Least of which is the fact that while having only one son, Nadine frequently watched her nieces, nephews, and younger cousins and thus had plenty of children in her life. Steve could remember because there was a time when the house staff were his only source of comfort and validation. But sometimes they changed as frequently as the seasons, his mother rarely ever satisfied.

“Regardless, that just leaves Ethan Mcbride”, Margaret kept going.

“Let me guess, he also wants me to leave behind my black daughter?”

“Well he would prefer it if you came completely unattached”, Margaret said. “Of course, Violet would be in just as good hands as Vanessa. And this way they could be raised together.”

“By a nanny. Or a maid. But not by either of you. And I should be so lucky!”, Steve raised his voice again.

“Your father and I have done nothing to deserve this level of disrespect, Steven!”

“I’m through with this. I’m getting my children and we’re leaving.” This time, when Steve stomped out of the dining room, he didn’t stop at his parents’ protests and he went right up to the nursery. He opened the door and his heart felt full as he saw them.

Violet, who was awake, saw him first and showed all her gums in her smile. Steve reached out and then felt something sharp puncture his neck. As he fell down and lost consciousness, he could hear Vanessa’s beginnings of a cry.

“Thank you, Craig”, Margaret’s voice could be heard. 

----------------------

Wayne let out a heavy sigh as he picked up the phone and made the call. He wished with all his heart he didn’t have to make it. But the longer he waited, the worse it would become. He rubbed his face as Eddie picked up.

“Hey, son.”

“Yo, Wayne. What’s up?”

“I’ve got some troubling news. Unless you’ve heard from Steve since he left for his folks?”

“We talked just before he left”, Eddie said. “He missed a call from me and Grant though. And he hasn’t been answering any of our texts. Is something up? Is he sick?”

“What’s the last real contact you had with him?”, Wayne asked.

“...The other day he sent a pic of the girls in some get up Madame Harrington put them in. But that was over a day ago. Wayne, what’s wrong? Where’s Steve? Where are the babies?”

Wayne felt his heart break at the worry already evident in Eddie’s voice and he handed the phone over to Beatrice. 

“Put me on speaker”, she said, knowing the others were probably close by. “You all need to get ready to cancel whatever you need with Chrissy so you can get home.”

“Mom?”, Jeff’s voice came over the line.

“And whatever you do Jeffery, stay calm. If any of you lose control, then this just gets harder.”

Eddie, Jeff, Grant, and Gareth held their breaths as Beatrice told them that they hadn’t heard from Steve for too long either. That he hadn’t returned when he said he would. Steve had sent the location of the place he was supposed to be meeting his parents. But when she and Wayne had gone over there, he and the Harringtons were nowhere to be found.

--------------------

When Steve came to, he was seated on a couch in the living room. The sun’s position was slightly different. It must have been a couple of hours at least. His mother sat across from him.

“You can’t keep me drugged up forever”, he said, his words still slightly slurred as he came to.

“Oh trust me, I don’t want to. But if you insist on sabotaging your own future, I will do what is necessary”, Margaret’s voice and expression sharp.

Steve could see the future she envisioned. Him, silent and obedient next to a man twice his age. And if he kept refusing, she’d make good on her threat. He’d be drugged until they chose someone for him. She’d never gone to these extremes, but now she’d already done it twice. He bit his lip. The important thing to do now was buy time. His pack would notice his absence and sound the alarms soon if they hadn’t already.

“Do you…do you really think any of them will like me? Any of those matches you suggested?”

“They’ve already expressed interest. And your father will be able to meet two of them today for lunch at the club”, Margaret switched gears easily. “You and I can spend today preparing, they’ll want to meet you soon, maybe even tomorrow.”

“Do you think I’ll be ready by then?”, Steve asked, hoping to prolong it a bit more.

“You may have covered yourself in grime, but Harringtons are diamonds that can shine through anything. Oh I’m getting giddy just thinking about the wedding we’ll get to plan. And just think, if you and Ridwan pair well, the wedding could be in the paper.”

Steve held back from rolling his eyes. His wedding to Eddie had already been covered by quite a few news publications. But of course, that didn’t matter to his mother. He wanted nothing more than to hold his children. He knew better than to ask for that though. At least for now. He would grit his teeth, grin and bear it. He could trust that whatever nanny they employ would take fine care of the twins.

And he knew if he was ‘good’, then his mother would reward him with some time with his own children. Having to play their game made his blood boil. But it was the only way to ensure their safety.

Part 9

[scotts-takes]

"Black Out See Saw" is the Climax Alkaloid Deserved

Top Songs from Enstars 2023 Number 1

I was blown away when the album art for Alkaloid was released a few months ago...

This art is such a sharp contrast from their first album art, that shows how they have grown. The basic military style unit outfits have been replaced with regal commander-style ones. The basic emotions that are shown in the original are now much more refined- in particular, Aira has evolved from someone simply happy to be on a stage to someone who is confident in his place on it, Mayoi is putting himself more in center, and Hiiro's confident smirk has become more stoic, as he now has the experience to go with his skills.

All of this went away, however, when we actually got the Alkaloid Climax song...

Sigh...it was the seasonal Halloween event for the year. Yes, the idea of incorporating hospital/illness and Tatsumi's relationship with it is an interesting story to tell...but Alkaloid deserved so much more, especially as the "Protagonists" for the !! era of Enstars. I was frustrated that the end of this era of Enstars for Alkaloid was wasted on a seasonal event, but was at least able to take solice in that Alkaloid gets 200 chapters of the main story dedicated to them, and we still had solo songs for each character to come from the album. December rolls around, and the album releases. After jumping through hoops to buy it, I throw my headphones on to give the album a listen. The first track, "DiZZineSS" is a weird 30 second preamble with no singing, not something I was expecting. However, it rolls directly into the first new song on the album

Bam

Black Out Sea Saw is a violent wall of sound, unlike anything else that has been done for Enstars before, and I can understand fans not liking it. The reason it sounds so different is because it was produced by TK of Ling Tosite Sigure, a 20+ year going Prog Rock group. I listened to the song 3 times before moving on, and waited for the MV release to come, as is usual with the "B" side track from Albums. And what we got was one of the most well constructed videos for Alkaloid fans, and the climax that I was looking for that wasn't provided by the Halloween song.

The video opens...strangly, especially if you haven't heard the song before. The opening is intentionally choppy and rough, almost like it was an unfinished song that still needed production. There is a weird reverb effect happening- which you can especially hear when Mayoi hits the high note, that led to a friend saying "it sounds like they recorded this in a bathroom or something". The other thing that really jumps out is how robotic and synchronized the movements of all 4 members are. This is a BIG deal. In just about every Alkaloid video, you can find little inconsistencies at various points- Aira is sometimes a bit slow to do something, Hiiro is sometimes a bit too fast, Tatsumi's movements are less athletic, etc. The robotic movements are all in perfect unison, especially at points where characters do things together, like make hand bridges. It's a sign of Alkaloid's growth as a unit- they started as a collection of rejects, and now they haver come together and become a great unit together.

As we go to the first chorus, the intensity of the song ramps up- it becomes FAST, yet every member is in perfect harmony. The dancing becomes more intense- and everyone stays perfect. And then we get to the final line "It's Error-Error", and things start to change- we start to see more finger movement, the motions become more flowing and less robotic (the robots are malfunctioning! error! error!), and more personality is shown by each member.

We then get a wonderful effect of feathers raining from the sky, before, and then we get to see everyone smile, including Hiiro with this soft and expressive look. (that I wish I was able to time slightly better when I took my screenshot!)

Why is this important? Lets take a look at the first Introduction of Hiiro, in his first close-up in Kiss of Life

It's a look of focus, of determination, and NOT one of joy. Hiiro NEVER smiles at any point in Kiss of Life except during the SPP- he maintains a focused look the entire time. Additionally, you can look at just about any Alkaloid video, and Hiiro rarely smiles- if anything, he just physically assaults the camera in every one of them! The final chapter of the main story is titled "Smile", which is a discussion between Hiiro and Rinne on what it means to be an idol, and Rinne telling Hiiro "Whenever I see you smile, it makes me smile too", with Hiiro responding that he will do whatever it takes to make people smile

Hiiro wasn't able to smile in Kiss of Life, as his focus was on putting smiles on the faces of others. It's weird, because when he isn't preforming, a smile is basically plastered on his face permanently. He has a very loud and infectious laugh, and he's just happy to be doing anything at any time. On stage, for him, its different. And Black Out Sea Saw is the first time that Hiiro is able to not just smile, but show kindness in it, as opposed to simple joy or excitement. It's a MASSIVE step forward for him- the kind of thing that, you know, you might build a Climax story around?

And then, we come to the end, where the intensity of the song does not let up, before it all crashes to an end as the lights go dark and Alkaloid go still

To me, this is the Alkaloid Climax, the song that I will remember. They have gone from a group thrown together to a cohesive unit with a sound unlike anyone else in the franchise, and all of whom have had character growth. It's the one that they deserve going into the new era that is upcoming, and even has a level of finality to it, seeing as how it was released right at the end of the year.

Alkaloid deserved better than Undying Holy Love, and boy, did they get it...

[blueberry-obsessed]

Growth

The Lestappen Song of Achilles inspired drabble based on this wonderful anon over at @f1writingbyme's blog!! Dear anon, I hope you find this somehow, I'll upload it on AO3 at some point (just not now, it's just too short to deal with right now).

Also!! @iamred-iamyellow mentioned that they wanted to be tagged so here you go!! Special thanks to @marieshyperf1xations for putting up with me

This is essentially a rewrite of the first scene in Chapter Ten (10) in the original book! I might make this a series of drabbles if anyone is interested

Word Count: 855 words (I tried to keep it short and sweet!!)

Fic is under the cut!!

They turned fifteen just before winter came, their world frozen in time in anticipation of winter’s icy hold yet kept alive by the faint rays of the sun. Summer had lasted longer than usual, kept them nice and warm under its yellow beams and fresh blue skies—Charles had been incredibly grateful for all of it.

Now, he’s covered in a fluffy fur cloak—one that is, admittedly, a tad large on him—and has been sentenced to chilly winds and quick washes in hollowed-out rocks by the Gods themselves. Despite the weather, Max chooses to take a stroll outside, beneath the frozen sun.

“It is too cold, Max,” Charles had chastised.

“We have spent too long indoors,” Max had pouted, pink lip jutting out against skin too fair given the climate they resided in. “My muscles are stiff. I will be useless at practice with Chiron if I do not stretch.” He had already made his path halfway outside, there was certainly no stopping him. Charles could not let him leave alone, surely. 

They did not do much. They stuck to walking through the forest, playing a chasing game until they came across a river. It was partially crystallised—almost mirror-like—and they spotted a few pieces of stone nearby. The rest of it is fairly obvious.

 °°°°

Max throws another pebble in. It ripples against the river water three, four, five times and lands further than Charles’ last one had. The river is clear—clearer than it has ever been, but Charles doesn’t track the movement on it. He watches Max, instead—watches him pick up another stone, watches the movement of the slight muscle in his limbs.

There are no mirrors here, and the surface of the river, unsteady. So, Charles has only ever been able to measure his growth by the changes in Max. Max’s limbs are slender, despite the muscle Chiron has worked into him—it is to be expected, they are still young. Charles imagines he is much the same. Although Max’s chest is broader, his shoulders are square, and his face firm around the edges—he, somehow, still looks soft.

“You have grown,” he mutters, chucking another rock. It is too heavy—bounces once, twice, thrice and unceremoniously sinks into the depths of the river. In their swishing reflection, he can see Max’s raised brow. “You look older,” he tacks on. 

Max turns to him, fully now. The pebbles slip from his hand and crush the fiery leaves as they fall to the earth.

“I do?”

“Yes.” It is said with a finality and he has to play with the cold soil beneath him to avoid his companion's gaze.

“Wait, turn here.” And, well, Charles has no choice but to force his hands by his sides and turn.

Max’s hands find purchase on the sides of his face immediately. He moves Charles’ head around as if he is inspecting him for any injuries. He’s a bit ashamed to admit to himself, but it’s not an unfamiliar feeling.

“You are different as well.” Max’s eyes shine with something Charles does not quite know, and he notes that Max’s hair is longer too.

“Different how?” his voice is quiet, and all his energy is focused on willing his hands to stay by his side—lest he do something unwanted, like brushing droplets of splashed water away from blond hair. Max regards him for a moment too long.

“Your face, mainly.” Max traces his fingertips along his jaw. The attention makes Charles feel warmer than the fur cloak ever did. “You are sharper here.”

“A lot?” He brings his own hand up, the touch of his flesh is cold. He does not find anything new, however—he still feels the same, flesh and bone. 

Max takes his hand. His grip is apprehensive at first, yet growingly confident as he drags it further down. Despite the training Chiron has put him through, Max’s hand remains soft as it meets Charles’ collarbone.

“Sharper here too,” he comments, intertwining their fingers and sliding them back up. He gently pokes at the newly emerged Adam’s apple on his throat. He swallows under the weight of Max’s finger just because he can and wants to—wants to feel Max’s skin move along his. “But here. You are soft, yet still sharp.”

That does not make any sense, Charles wants to say, but he finds himself unable to speak. 

Max does not mind his silence and instead drags their palms further down.

“That’s enough.” It is more abrupt than intended, yet Charles’ face is unusually warm given the weather and Max looks flushed from the cold. “We should head inside,” he offers, softer this time. Diligently, Max nods, still slightly avoidant, though. Thankfully, he helps Charles clamber onto his feet regardless—their hands intertwined once again.

“You would not be displeased,” Max shrugs, his hand in Charles’, “with how you look now.” His face grows warm again, and he can not help himself anymore—he brushes a stray leaf out of Max’s hair. His hand lingers for a second too long and he prays to the Gods that Max misses the action entirely.

“Neither would you.”

They speak no more of it.

[rocketturtle4]

Arthrit was my Favourite Character and I want to write about him; My reflection on the SOTUS Franchise as a newbie

In brief: I am attempting to understand the growth of Thai BLs by watching ABL’s understand the history of thai bl list on the Thai master post. I’m more interested in the growth and change on screen than the tracking of different actors/directors etc. but I do enjoy reading about those things. I am concurrently understanding the history of All BL by watching the Foundation Syllabus lists as well, I am not planning to review everything, but I adored SOTUS and I’ve started following @waitmyturtle’s journey through oldgmmtv and was surprised by our different initial takes on SOTUS and to a lesser extent the SOTUS franchise so I thought I’d share my own feeling about the shows. Yes I know ‘twas a while ago.

I don’t know anything about the actors as people and have minimal knowledge of the IRL ship drama (just aware that there was drama)

Disclaimers:

THIS POST IS LONG (LIKE LONG LONG), and I cut out so much you wouldn’t believe

Obviously, these are my own thoughts, I am not expecting everyone or even anyone to agree, I’m just sharing.

I only talk about Arthrit and Kong in this post, I enjoyed the side couples but I was much more invested in the main one and that’s what I want to talk about.

Not defending Gay for you as a damaging trope

Not defending blushing maiden and sex negativity as damaging tropes

Damaging tropes suck and being aware of them while viewing content is important for not internalising their message for yourself or your perception of others.

I’m demisexual FYI (My sexuality suddenly felt relevant halfway through my reflection so Imma put it here)

General SOTUS Thoughts

In writing this I have realised my attachment to Arthrit started later in the franchise than I thought but eh still mostly going to write about him.

Bullying/hazing (I didn’t mind this time) – I don’t like Hazing or bullying, but the way it was portrayed here, as a form of relationship building which was openly discussed as damaging and then improved on as part of the arc was fine for me. It was about recognizing the good parts of a practice and removing the bad and I was cool with that.

Kongpob (I’m a fan) – He’s hard working, he’s snarky, he’s clearly got good learning habits and cares about his education, he’s supportive of his friends and he stands up for injustice. I was definitely watching SOTUS for this character in the beginning.

Disparate personalities and positions of power (And the different ways our leads present as authority) (there’s also obvs age dynamics at play)

Arthrit is older but also the shyer and less expressive, his assumption of leaderships feels less aligned with his personality and so he cares more about maintaining his professionalism, first as head Hazer and later as an employee while Kong is an intern. (This does not make him a bad leader I think he’s a good one).

Kong is a natural leader, shown overwhelmingly by his standing up for his peers and their inclination to elect him as the campus star and then as the representative (which he runs away from cause he’s already got enough on his plate). His comfort with his own authority is a part of his pursuit of Arthrit and also his differing experience with Authority. (I think the way he bonds with P’Paga the scary office lady is a great example of this difference, he has good instincts).

This feels important to me as Arthrit is holding onto that authority a lot tighter than Kongpob, he’s working to maintain it because it’s NOT natural.

OKAY Onto Arthrit’s Arc and why I found it so impactful.

First up I can tell you the exact moment I fell in love with Arthrit’s character, it was right…

Here (Please study hard P'Arthrit)

(His eyes my good people, they had me and they never lost me) (I literally learnt how to GIF just so I could keep this moment forever) (Episode 13) (I mean, I found a GIF generator) From this point on I was watching this entire franchise for the way Arthrit emoted with his eyes first, and everything else second.

But let’s back up slightly.

My take on Arthrit’s emotional arc through the early parts of SOTUS was essentially:

Why is the first year defiant-flirting with me?

This first year is incredibly clever and that’s dangerous because it could undermine my authority and I want this program to be successful (He did recommend him as campus star, and comment to himself/his friends about not underestimating Kongpob, we had clearly early signs that Arthrit thought Kongpob was pretty amazing, he just couldn’t show this because of this authoritative position) (also age dynamics = a big deal in Thailand)

Then we had the sleep confession (He’s never really sleeping)

Arthrit’s panic over the fact that his sort of friend, definite nong who is a guy apparently had feelings for him

This manifested as his removing himself from Kongpob to work through and process his own emotions, my personal feelings on this were that Arthrit’s reaction was more confused than disgusted and he was trying to avoid a confrontation so he could figure himself out without hurting Kongpob. (There was also some unresolved feelings in here for his highschool friend that needed to be dealt with).

Not the ideal move and poor Kong was so confused and got hurt anyway but then we got to

“I don’t know you well enough Kongpob… But I want to know you more”

Now I seriously appreciated this because I often feel frustrated when characters emotions just immediately match: like one person confesses and two days later other person is like, oh turns out I am also madly in love with you. Boom. Couple. (This does sometimes make sense in the story, just not always).

Arthrit’s emotional response of: Yes I think I like you but I’m still figuring it out so do keep flirting with me so I can keep figuring it out…

I liked it.

Now immediately after this, Arthrit kisses Kongpob (mutual kisses yay!). I don’t take this as say, a final cementation of their relationship (as the kiss often seems to be treated, especially in K BL) but as an expression of interest.

Kiss = I am interested in you romantically, let’s flirt more/date to get to know each other so our feelings can develop.

Then we got to see Arthrit melt (the eyes conveyed it, I adored) honestly it was their tiny little movements that I liked the most and you can’t see that here but still.  

Also his shy little smiles.

I totally think that the attraction here is not conveyed by Arthrit’s character the same way Kong’s but to me this reflects

Kong’s more straightforward and open personality + plus his self confidence (Seme dynamics definitely factor into this since these are characters not real people)

Arthrit being more uncertain as to his own emotional state, AND his greater shyness with expressing his emotions publicly (uke dynamics obvs - but not too pronounced I think). I like how the actor conveys these emotions. (whether or not it was intentional)

People have different levels of comfort with any kinds of PDA and that’s okay (look I’m not sure if blushing maiden trope arguably comes into play here but to me some people are shyer of affection than others and I personally feel that for Arthrit, this early on, his emotions were pretty clear and his responses makes sense.)

And then at the end of episode 13 we handed over the gear

In episode 14 we had a bit of drama because it’s early days and Arthrit is just realising he likes a popular boy

Jealously thou name is Arthrit

But things get resolved (by accident by Kongpob’s gift, amusing) and so we have the public declaration (like the kiss earlier this is instigated by Arthrit which I appreciate because he’s the one with the boundaries being crossed in this scenario). His little smile and duck down to hide his face felt very authentic because he’s not a PDA person and so he feels a bit embarrassed about drawing attention to himself.

And they had a good convo afterwards too + Kiss etc but I really want to get onto:

SOTUS S

(Because episode 15 of SOTUS is over the time jump it's included here)

Thoughts on the stuff that happens during the time jump (e.g. the end cut scenes of some episodes).

We had 2 scenes which stuck in my mind from this time, the piggyback ride ("you are my faen after all") after Kong hurts himself.

(THE EYES)

AND

Arthrit handing over the metaphorical power to the future head hazer.

I personally felt this scene was super important because it showed us:

Arthrit simping all over his boy being authoritative and flirting back with the same lines Kong had once used, in a public space.

Arthrit’s continued uncertainty, NOT (in my opinion) with the idea of being openly affectionate with his boyfriend (what do you call his face above if not openly affectionate) but with having his professionalism undermined by being asked to kiss said boyfriend in front of a whole group of his peers while he is technically their leader (plus they will tease him).

Look it's dark here, and I know my love of his eyes and their emotions is irrational but to me that gaze says: “you know I love you, but why are you doing this HERE.” @waitmyturtles, this was the thing I found most discrepant about your thoughts and mine, to me Arthrit’s emotions were conveyed so clearly by Krist, even in SOTUS but especially in SOTUS S. I was so absorbed by Arthrit sometimes I got completely distracted from Singto’s (excellent) portrayal of Kong.

Onto the main timeline of SOTUS S

(How many of my images of Arthrit being a simp can i put it here to justify my having them in the first place) (I restrained myself a lot you have to believe me)...it turns out I hit the limit, enjoy!

(I started doing a quick flick through the show to check my continuity but then I wanting to add stuff so I stopped and I'm trusting my brain)

We get an early sign that their relationship is going strong with their mutual missing of each other: Arthrit’s visit to campus and seeking Kong out because he misses him, and Kong telling Arthrit he has a duty to him as his faen and convincing Arthrit to stay the night with him because he misses Arthrit.

(They're both so doting naaaaww)

Later, we have this scene where Arthrit goes to tell his coworkers he has a faen and gets interrupted ("well I…") Now we don’t know this for sure, but he drew himself up and prepared to face it and then sort of deflates when he missed the chance, so I’m projecting and that’s what I think.

There’s some bumps in the road while they navigate their new seperation and Kong hits a boundary of Arthrit’s he clearly didn’t know existed when he showed up at Arthrit’s work. (I think this is again more of a personality thing, Arthrit is still figuring out his position and authority in the company and feels very unsure about having his male faen show up to his office without warning. This is not the university space where everyone around them knows they’re dating, it’s DIFFERENT. Kong on the other hand is the kind of guy who totally would have interrupted everyone at that dinner to be like, actually I cook dinner for my man. All. The. Time.) Anyways, they talk, Kong visits work in a planned way, and things are more settled and physical (have some more photos, justify my having them in the first place)

until…Kong shows up at work, and then after they sort of talk, Kong shows up next door.

Now while writing this I had a personal realization that I need to check in about (detailed in small text below the next photo) but first.

This moment makes everything else in the Arthrit’s arc make sense to me, to me he’s feeling uncertain about fundamental aspects of their relationship, rather than purely being temporarily hurt by Kongpobs actions, he internalises this uncertainty about their communication.

This is then kind of resolved but then made much worse by Kongpob moving in next door. (Yes Kong says it's to be close while giving Arthrit space, but doesn't Arthrit deserve to be part of that decision?) (We don't see how much they communicated prior to this, but it seems to me that Arthrit's point here, about losing faith in their ability to talk to each other is super relevant)

(Personal note, how secure I feel in a relationship directly affects how comfortable I feel physically in the relationship, and I don’t mean ‘I’m sad so I don’t feel like having sex right now’ I mean, ‘the foundation of our relationships feels less stable and as a result my comfort with physical things, especially sexual intimacy feels significantly reduced’

I THOUGHT THIS WAS NORMAL Y’ALL

Having sat and thought about it right now, I don’t think that’s actually the case for the majority? like not all the time at least? This made me think about my personal reaction to watching Nevertheless a few months ago (a kdrama) and I was crazy uncomfortable with the discrepant emotional comfort vs physical desire plot, (I finished it, because I had to, because leaving in the middle would have been worse but just, No.) I mean I get sex without feelings, sure, or with budding feelings, but sex while you’re feelings have moved from stability to instability or are just floundering in instability without resolution?. Possible? Absolutely. Comfortable? No way.

Is this a demisexual thing? (I'm demi if you missed the disclaimer at the top) Is this a me thing? I am going to examine this more but for now you have my facts and perspective and we’re moving on)

(also this relationship being kind of ace has actually been put forth by ABL (here) and most likely others. I had previously read this post and moved on (because I hadn’t seen SOTUS), so I just wanted to say this is not a Tumblr revelation, just a me revelation)

I may be projecting but…

I adored the way the actor continued to show Arthrit’s foundational uncertainty in where their relationship was going/at, through his discomfort with being physical with Kong even after he’d consciously forgiven him. (Okay definitely projecting)

Episode 7, where Kong gets hurt by the door and is forgiven, but Arthrit still seems kind of uncomfortable with the physical side of things both here and in the next episode.

Plus the excellent scenes where Arthrit keeps telling Kong off for giving him food and then ends up yelling, and Kong goes back to being uncertain about where the line is. (Arthrit needs to talk more I'll admit it).

Arthit during the scene where Kong professes his uncertainty, because it's another screenshot I already had. (HIS. EYES.)

BUT because Arthrit realises he's hurt Kong, they talk about it and tada: Arthrits more comfortable physically again next ep, because he’s more certain of his relationship again.

We get beaches

(seriously Arthrit’s little smile, I’m dying) and fun times and kisses

(I have so many screenshots in here everyone, it's concerning)

And then:

Arthrit get’s double shaken again (Dad + Photo) (and he processes things by taking physical space. AGAIN.) (still totally relatable but I’m actually kind of annoyed with him for not saying a word to Kong now that I’m writing it down, I was not at all annoyed when I watched it, for the record)

And then Kong goes “OKAY THAT’S IT” and expresses his (totally justifiable) uncertainty about what is going on, because Arthrit keeps not being clear and can’t they actually talk about things!! So Kong gives him back his gear and leaves. My take on this was basically:

Kong: You need to be sure you want to be with me.

Arthrit: wait what, you’re leaving? But you’re always there? You’ve been hurting? Oh no I’ve hurt you? *cries* *Processes* *Publicly declares feelings* There I fixed it.

To me, Arthrit was never uncertain about whether or not he Loved Kong (Is this in question?, I don't know), he was just navigating the stability of his existing relationship in a new environment with many new revelations. And I believe that, because, even through the uncertainty, Arthrit continued to stare at Kong with such intensity that I couldn’t look away.

Hmm despite that, I think this reflection has actually left me a little bit less obsessed with Arthrit (definitely a good thing, I realized after I finished SOTUS S that I have 48 screenshots of Arthrit’s face staring at Kong with different adoring expressions and that is… too many).

For me, Arthrit’s emotional arc was so captivating because of the way Krist acted throughout, his expressions (HIS EYES) and the links between his emotions and his physical comfort were compelling and I was sucked into his emotional journey above all else. Did the actor intend this? I don’t know, but I had a great time. I almost feel like I need to rewatch SOTUS S just to pay attention to Singto more because he was kind of sidelined for me.  

OUR SKYY SOTUS (the quickest summary because the words are totally out of hand)

(I totally had more pics from our skyy but I've apparently hit my limit oops)

We had some lovely relationship comfort and stability followed by compelling drama and then resolution. I loved it.

The drama is basically just Arthrit going: oh no you’re leaving, what if I make things harder for you, what if things end, how will I live, *get’s bad advice about breaking up* we should take a break because I love you way too much.

Kong: You complete moron, I love you and that’s why we’re supposed to stay together, now I’m leaving tomorrow, and you better prove you love me too by showing up.

Arthrit: *takes time to process* Oh yeah cool cool, I totally love you a lot *shows up and decides to travel with him for a little bit because these boyfriends be clingy*

But with all the excellent acting.

(Tiny note, my understanding is that this performance might be more compelling because Krist is expressing more emotions, but I took that as the first time Arthrit had actually tried to talk about and express his feelings, due to feeling stable enough to do so (all previous space taking was emotional processing). So there isn’t a single scene in SOTUS or SOTUS S where I would have expected this level of emotion (except for when he realized Kong was leaving because Kong was hurt). I would have found it confusing because Arthrits clearly a brooder. So he doesn’t talk to Kong while he’s hurting (an incorrect choice but one he continues to make) and so only the attempt to speak about his emotions here induces this level of physical display.

I cry more when I try to talk about my emotions, anybody else?)

CHEERS FOR READING

ALSO, I appreciate all you Tumblr master posters so much more now (I swear I already appreciated you lots!! but seriously I thought this would take like an hour or two and it DID NOT - and I'm not even meta-ing just throwing my thoughts on a page)

[drdemonprince]

are there any medium articles or other essays you've written that you have a different perspective on now? Whether a small bullet point or the entire objective of a piece. It's interesting following your journey while catching up on the archive

Ohhhh yeah. In a big way. My thinking on nearly all matters continues to evolve, so much so that I always cringe a bit at some phrasings in my books by the time they are out.

In my work on Medium you can see a strong inconsistency in how I think about several topics -- I've gone through periods of disparaging my family, to extending them grace, to thinking I have a moral responsibility to fight with them, to regretting my rage at them, to calling my parents abusive, and on and on. On this topic, it's not so much that my feelings have changed, so much as each point of view represents one facet of the same gem I'm spinning in my mind's eye.

My thoughts on sexual assault and justice have evolved a ton. Around the time of the Weinstein and Ansari accusations, I wrote a lot about rape and coercion. Then a dear friend experienced an assault and was not believed by a huge friend group that we shared and I took on an even more hardline, believe-all-victims-and-take-action-swiftly-to-protect-them stance. I was more traumatized and dysphoric back then too.

My hardline stance eventually came into conflict with my abolitionism, and my growing respect for the importance of personal discernment that emerged more and more over the course of the pandemic. I just saw too many people who were afraid to exercise their own discernment on a wide array of topics and who amplified vague callouts of all kinds without skepticism (god, remember the Wayfair conspiracy?), and I saw how such formless accusations harmed the marginalized in particular. And all the gormless attacks on "narcissists" as the cause of abuse really chilled me. all that strongly tempered my dogmatism.

But I have also witnessed the "anti cancel culture" squad fail to live up to any value system whatsoever and I have fought with them a lot quite openly over their frequently racist, transphobic, theory-free views. All I know today is that navigating these waters is very, very hard, and that I am only in control of living by my values and being outspoken about them and that attempts to manipulate a moral response out of other people don't work and that information is only as good as my knowledge about who and where it came from. I think my evolution on all this closely tracks with the shifts in the zeitgeist -- it's rare for me to be that on pace with the average person I meet.

My perspective on how a meaningful difference in the world is made has changed. In 2016 I was calling politicians for an hour every day on livestream to protest this or that conservative bill. Now i'm an anarchist with minimal regard for electoral politics or any formal institutions. I did vote for Brandon Johnson though.

But by far the piece that least reflects my current understanding of things is one from 2020 called "Against Community." But that one was never meant to be a prescription for how people should live their lives. It was just a description of where I was at emotionally, having watched multiple friend groups disintegrate over abuse, triangulation, and bad boundaries. I'm glad I don't have to feel that way now. It was the growth after that experience that led to my revelation that communities are just relationships you build, and keep building, not static places you find.

On the whole I am less angry now, less dogmatic, less inclined to believe that electoral work matters or that posting is activism, less hellbent on making everybody agree with me, more comfortable with mourning, more radical, more patient, less grandiose and less hung up on what other people think of me. Despite all that i am still a very arrogant angry neurotic stressed out self superior insecure person.

Thanks for this great question. When I hold fake interviews with myself in the shower, it's being asked things like this that I fantasize about.

[aihoshiino]

So now that the movie arc is basically wrapping up, what are your thoughts on it and ruby character due to how she was the main focus of this arc?

I've been rolling this ask round in my head since it landed in my inbox because there really is no charitable way to answer it without outright lying lol. I think the Movie Arc is easily OnK's worst arc so far for a variety of reasons that I think would need its own post - some of it is structural but conveniently, a lot of it is also to do with how Ruby is handled across the arc. Put simply, I really think Ruby was kind of butchered in this arc and it's maybe 10% to do with the incest stuff lol. The Ruby of chapter 123 onwards is simply not the same Ruby we got to know before the Mainstay arc, even though she has allegedly been returned to her old self. She feels like a much flatter, less complex and interesting version of pre-BH Ruby - I would even go as far as to say she feels deeply dumbed down in order to artificially create a sense of growth that simply does not feel earned or resonant. I've linked it a billion times before but 742 has an excellent Ruby analysis post that breaks down this inconsistency in a way that honestly resonates even more with me now we have the entirety of the Movie Arc to analyze and see the way it just kind of flops on actually letting Ruby have a halfway decent arc there.

The main keyword I think is inconsistent - not just with pre-Movie Arc Ruby but within the Movie Arc itself. It really feels like Akasaka (or an editor, or whoever else) literally just changed their mind about whatever arc Ruby was supposed to have during the creation of the movie and just switched tracks with no cushioning and the result is utterly whiplash inducing. I've pretty much always had the strong sense that the Movie Arc went through some major structural changes at some point in the process of writing it and wtfever is going on with Ruby during this arc is a very telling symptom.

I plan on doing a proper deep dive into the Movie Arc at some point when I've given it enough space to not just start spitting like an angry cat the whole way through but I definitely need a little more time to mourn before I can stomach a re-read I think lol.

[heliianth]

actually bc im never gonna shut up abt it while im still on this im gonna ramble abt botw and totk and maybe how i wouldve written a sequel . & i will pay u money to listen i promise

my favoritest of totks ideas are what it expands from botw. botws whole atmosphere is drowned in quiet mourning. something bad has happened but it was a long time ago. it still hurts but theres nothing to be done now but move forward. something is still missing but all you can do is find something else. nobody has resources to rebuild and you can hear deafening echoes of better times but the alternative is giving up. you are in this frozen state of not quite moving on and not quite in despair. like the numbness stage of grief. and the pivotal element of all of that is that link is alone. like, oppressively alone. its the primary vehicle of conveying this mood. and its interesting because this can be read not only as what link is experiencing through the player but what zelda is feeling as she holds back ganon. its an interesting contrast to have zelda mature faster than link in the flashbacks, only for link to pull her the rest of the way by growing himself

and the reason why i so strongly adore the light dragon aspect of the plot is because it shows how attached to everything zelda has gotten. arguably, zelda held back ganon in botw because she loved link. in totk, she becomes the light dragon because she loves hyrule, which had previously been so unimaginably cruel to her. the crux of her character is learning that attachment is good. loving is good. you deserve to leave an imprint on the world in a shape of Your choosing instead of being another factory print on a paper. on a surface level, shes making the same choice, but the motivation and growth behind it is really powerful

i could waffle for literally ever about all that and the point is that totk takes these ideas and implements them really well through in-game worldbuilding and specifically zelda turning into the light dragon. i would occasionally get extremely emotional just seeing how things have expanded because it feels like the world is finally moving on. theres a catharsis in seeing hyrule finally heal after knowing its desolation so intimately, especially because the state of the land itself is such a strong parallel to the arcs of the two main characters, so you get the sense that not only can people move on, link and zelda specifically have started to as well. thats my favorite part

thats why i think its an odd choice that they decided on a time travel plot. if zelda HAS to be the one getting saved, if she cant be a companion in some way either via sheikah facetime or spirit tracks shenanigans or whatever, there are lots of ways to do this without her being magic fruit snacked ten bajillion years into the past. why spend all this effort intertwining her and link with the land, only to remove her from the equation and have no further growth? in botw its understandable that hyrule is stagnant and only changes when link does because zelda is stagnant and link is doing the one changing during the game. in totk its the opposite. there are lots of ways to do this with out Having to play as zelda (though honestly that would be the way id go about it)

also a lot of my own ideas have to do with the wasted potential of a place like the depths???? what the hell do you mean theres this mind bogglingly big cavern underneath the entirety of hyrule which mysterious people used to live in and it has almost no story relevance beside being a cool setpiece???????? I FEEL INSANE?!?!??!?!? there are so many good ideas in totk that never get expanded dude FUCK

i think no matter how much i speculate and draft my own preferences of how i wouldve liked totk to elaborate on the things it introduces i cant ever bring myself to present them like they couldve realistically happened and gotten thru the nintendo writing room simply bc of the games format. if it were up to me doing certain story missions would radically change the open world as events happened in real time and thats not the MO of the game's design philosophy. honestly totk's biggest enemy is the memory system and i need to kill it with fire

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s02ep08 “A Verne by Any Other Name"

Previous episodes linked here.

In this episode: Marty gets slapped by famous novelist Jules Verne and then has a terrible trip back to the Old West, and Verne hangs out with his parents on the night he's going to be born.

Wow, I haven't covered an animated series episode since September since I was so preoccupied with Doctober. I've missed this bonkers little show.

We begin in Paris (it's really interesting how we're hardly ever in the lab anymore this season). Doc is wearing a phenomenal floral-print Hawaiian shirt and talking about how much he loves visiting France.

He's taking a picture of Clara in that first one, btw. She's up in the Eiffel Tower :)

As usual, his trip has a connection to the plot in the cartoon portion of the show, and he leads us into it by mentioning that Marty and Verne once took a trip to France as well...

The cartoon opens up at Hill Valley Elementary school, where Verne is hiding out on the playground, waiting for everyone else to return to their classes before venturing inside. The reason? He's being teased by his classmates because of his name. While sneaking through the empty hallway, he's stopped by Biff Jr. and another classmate who appeared in a past ep but whose name I can't remember.

They call him "Verne the Worm" and "La-Verne," and then try to block his path down the hall.

When Verne gets home later, he immediately announces to his parents that he doesn't like his name. After failing to convince Verne that it's an honor to be named after such a great science fiction writer, Clara whispers to Verne that she wanted to name him after her uncle, but Doc won the coin toss, lol. And I just cannot get over the image of Doc and Clara settling on Verne's name via a coin flip. Ridiculous.

But you know what's more ridiculous?? What else is happening in the scene while Verne is talking to his parents:

That giant yellow thing behind Doc and Verne is CORN ON THE COB. Doc has created "super growth mondo corn." Because. Idk, we're not given a reason. And the thing on the left is a gigantic piece of popcorn that Doc made using just one singular kernel. When he calls to Clara that they're going to need a lot of butter, she drives into the workshop towing an equally large stick of butter.

This show is. It's a lot to process sometimes. Things like this just happen, and I have to go, "Sure, why not?" and keep watching.

Anyway, we cut to a new scene where bad decisions are being made. Verne has recruited Marty's help in dealing with his problem, and the plan is to go back in time and convince Jules Verne to change his own name. Even Marty thinks this is a silly idea, which is saying a lot.

Verne informs Marty that he's crucial to the plan because Marty speaks fluent French. Oohh, that's an interesting little tidbit, right? Except, no it isn't because, as Marty is quick to point out, he doesn't speak French; he's taking a French class. And he's failing it.

Upon arriving in Paris and tracking down where Jules Verne lives, Marty and Verne are very happy to discover that he speaks English. They exchange high-fives.

I have my criticisms of Cartoon Marty, but I do love his relationship with Verne a whole lot. They're such buddies.

Marty's list of friends:

His girlfriend (sometimes. Jen is angry at him a lot in the cartoon)

An old man

An eight-year-old

Posing as "Nerdy Names Anonymous," the boys tell Jules that they can help him pick out a new and cooler name. Verne offers a few suggestions: Hammer, Raphael, and Bart Simpson. To really drill in the point that Jules Verne is a bad name, Verne sings one of the taunting songs he's heard at school. Jules then slaps Marty in the face. When Marty points out that he wasn't the one singing the song, Jules says "A French man does not slap a child." He then slams the door in their faces.

Later on, Jules Verne is enjoying a meal at a cafe. Marty and Verne pose as waiters, and upon him telling them his name, Verne says, "What a doofus name. Why don't you change it?" J.V. responds to this by slapping Marty again. After a final failed attempt later in the evening, Verne decides it's time for Plan B.

The guys are heading to the Old West! Verne's new plan is to go directly to his parents and convince them to pick a different name for their second son.

And look! Look who we see! It's baby Jules!

While Marty goes to hide the DeLorean (he crashes it into some trees) Verne approaches the house. Just as the door opens, one of Doc's inventions goes haywire (because of course it does) and FLINGS Jules OUT OF THE CABIN. Verne manages to catch and save him just in time, and—after giving their thanks—Doc and Clara soon realize that Jules seems to love Verne. They invite their mysterious newcomer into the house.

And like. He introduces himself as Verne, and Doc and Clara don't bat an eye?? They don't even make a passing comment of, "Oh, that's interesting; our son's name is Jules, and we both love Jules Verne."

Anyway, I can't get over baby Jules. He's building a model of the Eiffel Tower. He is an INFANT.

Meanwhile, while all this is going on, Marty is stuck in the DeLorean on top of several very tall trees. His only way to get down is to jump, and after hitting the ground, he falls down an embankment, gets rolled into a giant snowball as he tumbles around, is then approached by an angry bear, and—in his attempt to get away—ends up running right into a tree. Typical day for Marty McFly.

ALSO! I just realized that this scene gives great insight into the amount of snow Hill Valley gets! (featuring Marty: the human snowball)

I'd been wondering how much snow they got. This could be helpful information for a future fic.

Back at the cabin, Clara is telling Verne all about the new baby she's going to have soon. She says the baby will be named Florence if it's a girl or Jehoshaphat (after her uncle) if it's a boy.

Verne is not pleased by this alternative name.

Doc steps in to remind Clara that he wants to name the baby Galileo, which Verne is also horrified to hear.

Doc and Clara then get into a full on fight over their inability to agree on a name, and it ends with Clara shouting, "Get out of my house you big eyebrowed slave to science!" They both then slam lots of doors, and Doc storms out.

??? Huh???? What is happening? Who decided that it was in-character for Doc and Clara to scream at each other like this? I don't like it!!

Clara then goes into labor, and tells Verne that he has to go into town to find the doctor and bring him to the cabin. Verne goes out into the horrific blizzard conditions.

It's up to the top of his head in that first pic. That is like four feet of snow!!

Using some ingenuity, Verne crafts a little snowplow and manages to brave the piles of snow all around. He locates Doc and the doctor, and leads them both back to the cabin.

We also return to Marty, who is continuing to have a great day.

The bear then shakes the tree, and the DeLorean (which is still stuck up there) falls directly onto Marty.

A short while later, Verne has the very odd experience of being at his own birth.

After tentatively asking if they're going to name the baby Jehoshaphat, Clara says that she and Doc have decided to name their new son after a brave young man: Verne.

And with that, Verne is now named after himself.

So. So though Verne was previously named after Jules Verne, his being named Verne now has nothing to do with that.

Verne and Marty (who is remarkably unscathed by his visit back to the Old West) return to the present day, where Verne now has a newfound appreciation for his name. End of cartoon.

Back in Paris with Real Doc, he informs us that he's going to read the entirety of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" out loud.

Unfortunately, he only gets a few words into the novel before a miniature hot air balloon interrupts his story.

The basket contains a note from Clara, informing Doc that he's out of time, and it's time to end his little science broadcast. He tells us to go check the book out at the local library and sends us off with his phrase that ends every episode, "See you in the future!"

Weird episode. Very weird episode. I don't like how Doc and Clara got so mean with each other and the fact that Doc WALKED OUT on his wife who was mere hours away from giving birth. That is not my Doc and Clara. Wish we could have had a super extended edition of the episode where Christopher Lloyd did read the whole 20,000 Leagues novel to us. That would have been nice, I think.

Also, what was with that gigantic cob of corn from the beginning of the episode?? It never came back into play at any other point. There was zero reason for that scene to happen. Cartoon Doc has problems.

Join me next time as the Brown family gets run out of town because Doc can't stop causing chaos.

[ectocs]

The Lumchagg

Feel like I'm cutting it a bit close this week :P

So. The lumchagg. It's a bird, it's purple, it likes aromatic herbs and it sets itself on fire to revive itself into a worm. Honestly this thing grew on me the more I worked on it.

Ideas behind this design below the cut ! Alongside some doodles, rambles, and concepts :)

It starts life as a "worm" -- a featherless, pink squirmy thing with nubs where its limbs will later grow in. The lengthy tail will later be absorbed to facilitate that.. like a lot of metamorphosing (is that the word?) creatures.

The idea at this point is pretty straightforward. Recently got to watch two robin nests grow, which was interesting, and young birds look really... fleshy. Wanted to give it coloring on its throat like the clitellum on a worm (aka the saddle) but I think it's just not distinctive enough. I gave it four eyes for more of a bug feel, though it's so minor I don't think it matters much in the end.

As it grows and gets feathers, the lumchagg's tail shortens -- the wings are the first limb to fully grow, giving it an amphithere-like appearance, though the legs soon follow within the same day the wings finish growth, making the change from worm to bird seem almost instant. All four eyes are open, though body coloration is not "mature."

Not much to say on this stage; it's a bird with fun antennae-like tufts on its head and a fun beak, a vaguely dinosaur feel, and coloration based sorta on a violet-backed starling. It has faint horns/ridges because ... um...... well to be honest I just decided to give it to the thing based on the dinosaur/dragon/etc vibes in the room.

In the adult stage, they will spend most of their long-lived lives as a darker, mostly-solid purple tone. This coloration lasts until the very end of their lives, at which point the lumchagg's wings become pale on the inside, allowing it to concentrate and direct the sun's rays onto flammable material. Through this method, the bird is able to burn and rebirth itself.

Drew the end-of-life stage here setting itself on fire. Don't ask how white/pale wings lets it burn stuff; it comes back to life, it gets privileges the average white goose doesn't get.

Here is a basic idea of the life cycle, hastily slapped together as a visual:

There was quite a bit of thinking to get to this point. Here is the last sketch page I did. Unlike the other doodles I never bothered coloring it in, as I decided to go with this look.

Note the "wyrm" title -- I initially wanted to do a more dragon-y take, with a final form maybe being an amphithere, but decided against it in the end and changed tracks when I couldn't get that to look right. Liked the idea though, so it gets to be a life stage that exists for 0.1 seconds. You can also see the adult pose change!

The butterfly note here comes from some images I was looking at with interesting wing shapes. Never quite got it how I wanted, pivoted to a purely pennant-winged nightjar kind of wing.

Now the thing I had done earlier was some bugs, which I liked, but ultimately just couldn't draw 'em. Bird can be a loose term, after all, and large black swallowtails flying by at fast speeds have had me thinking a small bird flew past me on multiple occasions.

Plus, well, lots of bugs have worm-children. There are literally just worms, of course. But butterflies, beetles, flies, sawflies... all winged (usually) with little squirmy babies.

And the first doodle page was, of course, birds. I must admit, this is my favorite just because I figured out how to draw birds only on this ONE sketch session. That heron is beautiful. But anyway -- I kinda merged ideas together in the end, giving it several traits from both doodled birds.

In my heart, after all these arts, a lumchagg is a kind of weird purple bird of any type lol. Even from the beginning, I wanted that kind of long feather just for looks. Please note the incorrect text describing what I call the "standard-winged purple swampjarhen." It's a hybrid of a grey-headed swamphen (aka a purple swamphen) and a pennant-winged nightjar. Oops! I was looking at them in a tab, I have no idea how I messed up my own damn text.

Here's a pennant next to a standard -- big difference in silly wing feathers!

[dangerpronebuddie]

Now that it's been pointed out to me, I can NOT stop thinking about it! It's a long ramble, so it's under the cut.

Eddie runs when things get tough.

Shannon got pregnant-> military

Shannon wants to move-> he shuts her out

Parents want to take Chris-> moves away

I am in no way blaming Shannon here, but I am saying that this is probably where most of this behavior was learned. It could even be from Ramon always being away, and being emotionally absent when he was present.

The thing is, when Eddie ran, no one stopped him. Shannon didn't put up a fight when he joined up. His parents let him walk away. When Buck wants to talk about the shooting and Eddie shuts down, Buck doesn't push.

So Eddie has learned he can get away with it. No one's going to push back, so why push at all?

I have noticed that he doesn't enter arguments unless provoked. When he comes home from Afghanistan, his parents and Shannon criticize every little thing. So he puts up his carefully crafted walls and shuts them out. He only starts the peacocking gym fight when Buck turns his aggression on Chimney.

Now the grocery store fight is a whole other ballgame. It's grief disguised as anger. I will admit, and I will die on this hill, that Eddie's "you're exhausting" comment was uncalled for and I would've burst into tears if someone said that to me. But that's what grief does to him. It's so overwhelming, and having grown up in a house where he had to be the man of the house as a child, showing no emotion, it's not surprising. If you're not angry when you're upset, you're not a man.

But I'm getting off track (as usual.)

My point is, no one's given him reason to keep fighting through the issue, so he simply walks away from it.

Which makes the cemetery scene even more incredible and interesting. Frank is my hero, honestly, and Eddie's growth has been amazing to watch. He's not running from Buck in the cemetery scene, he's offering Buck the chance to fight for them.

Instead of taking the lead, being in control, or walking away, he's giving the reigns to Buck. His last attempts at trying to get Buck to get over his near death experiences didn't work. He tried to get Buck out of his own head with the ladder truck, so he makes Buck go out into the world again. Only to be caught in a tsunami. He tries again (poorly) in the grocery store scene, asking him why he can't move on and suck it up. These attempts only made Buck internalize his emotions. Because that's all Eddie knew.

Thanks to Frank, Eddie's learning. So instead of inserting himself into Buck's issues and trying to make things right as fast as possible, he's actually allowing Buck "time to process" (seriously, how could Eddie possibly give such advice to others when he couldn't follow his own in s4?)

He lets Buck come to him in 6x12, and only asks how Buck's really doing after they talk. He's trying to follow Buck's lead for a change.

Same with the cemetery and "you don't have to be anything for anybody." Buck keeps looking to Eddie like Eddie's supposed to tell him what to do, but Eddie's learned that that doesn't work. Buck HAS to make decisions for himself or he's never going to grow. So, Eddie thinks that if Natalia is who Buck wants, then he won't stop him.

Now he did comment on how it was a bad idea for Buck to date people they've met on calls (kinda hypocritical dude!), but that's the only objection he's voiced.

Something else just popped into my head about how Eddie came to this conclusion. He saw Buck with Taylor and without her. Guess which version he preferred? Which version was happier?

That's because, when Buck breaks up with her, it's his decision. He chose to end things instead of waiting for "when the woman flees." Buck stumbles into relationships, and waits for shit to hit the fan. He doesn't put in the work either.

Buddie can either be really really good or really really bad with this. Eddie leaving the ball in Buck's court lets Buck make the decision to be with Eddie. He has to confess, because Eddie's resigned himself to pining forever. When Buck does, they can either have hundreds of problems, or learn to communicate and operate as a couple.

Forcing the decision into Buck's hands makes him choose for himself what he wants. Buck always has to be chosen, but Eddie's telling him he doesn't have to be. Eddie's always choosing, so giving Buck the lead is not only a huge display of trust, but it's a giant step forward in terms of how Eddie handles relationships.

Now, had Eddie not done this, this might've been a major issue for them. Buck would keep following Eddie's lead, not put in any effort, and Eddie would bail the moment they had even a small tiff.

But thanks to giving the decision to Buck, they have a better chance at a successful ship.

What needs to happen now is they need to address the things they haven't dared talk about. Namely the will, the shooting, and the lightning.

I know the show doesn't leave loose ends, and foreshadowing (especially when it comes to Eddie) can take several seasons to unfold. So, it's not improbable that the Will will be brought up again. I know they talked about Buck's death and the shooting, but not what it did to each other. And, I have a little theory about Eddie's comments about the shooting.

He remembers more. His body language in that scene absolutely says so. He barely looks at Buck, does a subtle head shake, and keeps his comments to a minimum. Because he needed to in that moment. Telling Buck everything he actually remembered wasn't what Buck needed. Buck needed the assurance that he was going to get better. That he'd actually process it. Eddie couldn't tell him the whole truth and expect Buck to feel fine about it.

Welp... this got way out of hand very quickly. Random thoughts while doing dishes will do that, I guess. I just think the cemetery scene has a lot more layers than I first noticed, and every time I think about these two, something new to analyze comes up.