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keyofjetwolf · 4 years ago

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@silvermoon424 I’m certainly happy to try! I’m going to guess you won’t enjoy the answer too much, though. I don’t have any secret or trick, you know? I WISH I DID. All I really have to share is what you’ve probably already heard: eat better, move more.

But I can break down a few things I’ve figured out, going through this. Things that you can do without a tiny furious lesbian nipping at your heels, insisting you Not Die. THOUGH IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THAT I DO RECOMMEND TAKING ADVANTAGE**

1. I think the most important first step is really commit to it. It sucks a lot, and it's not always easy, but if you don't sincerely want the results, you won't be able to power through the spots where it's hard.

2. You have to hold yourself accountable. A huge part of that is making yourself take note of and record what you're eating. It's one thing to grab a chocolate bar and eat it and forget about it, but it's another when you have to pull out your notebook and find the calories and factor in the serving size and write it down where you have to see it there looking back at you. We already know we shouldn't be doing it. Making it real and tangible in a way where you can't just put it out of mind can really hold your feet to the fire.

3. Don't have it around! Seriously, this one has helped me so much. Just don't have it! You know your weak spots (and if you don't, you'll soon discover them), you know the things you just want to grab out of the fridge or the cupboard. You can't do it if it's not there, bottom line. We don't keep jars of peanut butter in the house anymore (or at least not where I see them.) Hubby and I both cut out chips entirely. That isn't to say you can't ever have those things again, you just have to plan for them, and ensure you only have what you plan for. For example, the other night we were all on our own for dinner. I was deeply craving this particular brand of pretzel stick they have up here. So I saved my calories for the day, went to the store, bought the small bag, measured out and weighed the appropriate amount (turns out it was the whole bag, which was a pleasant delight, but if it hadn't been, I would've immediately given Doc what was over), and had those with some turkey. There wasn't anything about that meal that was HEALTHY, really, but because it's not my every day, and I planned it out and didn't exceed what I was allowed, it was completely fine. So if you have just a bone-deep craving for a doughnut, budget it in your calorie allotment for that day, and go get JUST what you're allowed. If you can only buy it in a quantity over what you’re allowed, buy the smallest you can and throw out or give away the rest. IMMEDIATELY, not the "I'll do it later" thing where it hangs around the house and then oops, it’s somehow magically gone. Set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't keep around what you know is a temptation.

4. Resolve with yourself that you'll be eating some stuff you don't much like. It sucks, but then, so does diabetes. In that vein though, you may find that after you've had it a few times, and your expectations realign, you like it more than you thought. You might even come to enjoy it! You have to persevere with it, though. Still, you may never like it! OH WELL. Consider how much more you'll like multiple daily injections of very expensive insulin and an even more restrictive diet which I guarantee will be full of shit you don't like. Eat the broccoli or die, right? Suddenly, broccoli doesn't seem so bad. (I actually really like broccoli, sorry, to pick on you, broccoli.) Honestly, many vegetables are pretty great, just most people don't prepare them right. Seasoning and roasting them is the way to go, which Holligay has repeatedly proven.

5. Portion control is a big factor. WEIGH AND MEASURE EVERYTHING. Don’t eyeball that shit, your senses are weak and will lie to you. Also -- and this may seem weird, but go with me -- check the size of your plates and bowls and shit. Again, our eyes are liars. The same amount of food looks very different depending on what size plate it’s on. The bigger stuff completely skews our perception of what a serving should look like. Get smaller plates.

6. This one may be a real toughie depending on your personal habits, but eating in front of screens is a path to madness. There's study after study after study showing that eating while watching TV or being on your computer takes you out of being mindful of what and how much you're eating. Sit at a table and focus on your meal! You’ll eat more slowly, and so recognize when you’re full. And the food tastes better when it’s your main focus, so you’ll be more satisfied, too. I’M NOT MAKING IT UP TRY IT

What you may notice here is an absence on the WHAT of what you should eat. That’s important too, to be sure, but I think that’s the part that’s a bit easier to start working in. There are tons of healthy, tasty recipes out there, but it’s the behavioural stuff that is, I think, the key to change.

And you can start today! Right now! Clearing your home of your temptations is a great huge first step. And don't do the "this bag is nearly full, what a waste, I'll just finish this up" thing. The money's spent, there's no reason to continue to do damage. (Or hide a reluctance to make the change under a convenient excuse.) It's garbage calories, it's deep fried air, it's frozen sugar, it tastes good but is killing you. Get rid of it.

If you’re of the snacking/grazing bent (I’m generally not, but I get those that are), buy snap peas, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes. Get some soy sauce. Dip and eat away! I think you'll soon find that if you're not hungry enough to snack on those? You weren't really all that hungry.

And combine all this with moving, too! Get yourself a step tracker. An ACTUAL step tracker, not your smart watch, which counts every twitch of your wrist as a step you most assuredly did not take. I’m currently using and recommend the FitBit Inspire, clipped to my bra. At my worst/highest points, I sometimes wouldn’t take more than about a thousand steps a day. SERIOUSLY. Again, having something to put these abstract ideas into harsh numbers is a great motivator. And you don’t even have to go outside! ON A HOT DAY I HAVE WALKED MILES IN A CIRCLE IN MY LIVING ROOM. I don’t look cool, but I DO meet my step goal for the day.

You may notice a numbers theme here, but weigh yourself. Keep track! I use a Renpho scale, which connects to an app on my phone and automatically logs my weight, AND I can sync it with my FitBit, so all my precious precious data is in one place. Now maybe you’re not such a nerd for data as I am (YOU’D HAVE TO BE REALLY REALLY NERDY), but again, it takes something abstract and nebulous and gives it to you in a way that our monkey brains understand. Making all this real to you is a huge part of putting the consideration for it in your brain. It’s not gonna be fun. There’s a lot of numbers you’re REALLY not going to like to see. But you have to know where you’re at to know where to go. And when those numbers turn into trends, and those trends start to show you real, concrete progress? Feels good. Feels real good.

Yeah, so! It’s a lot of words, and there’s a huge chance none of them are what you were hoping for. I wish I had something more neat and easy, but it’s just this. Commitment. Accountability. DATA SUCH HATEFUL WONDERFUL DATA

Best of luck!

(**) All joking aside, I’m incredibly fortunate to have Doc. As I think I’ve said before, when she heard about the pre-diabetes, she said “Okay, we’re done with this” and THAT VERY DAY laid out changes. She’s always ready with a foot in my ass. Also, as our family chef, she’s consistently in charge of my meals, which means I’m lucky enough to not need to think about it. MUCH LIKE A PUPPY I JUST EAT WHAT GOES IN MY BOWL. So if you have help and support available to you, take it.

The most important part, though, is you. However much help I have, I have to keep up my end, too. About eighteen months ago, I was SO CLOSE to a major goal, but ignored my depression and stopped caring and everything backslid terribly. I’m still working to regain all that lost ground. My point being, the number one vital element in making real change in you is YOU. Once you’re set there, the rest is details.

#jet wolf replies #silvermoon424 #life with jet wolf #a novel by jet wolf #dear jet wolf

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smolbeandrabbles · 5 years ago

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Video Games - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: Well this was one scene long until I listened to this song. So, you’re welcome!

I always come back to this end scene for Nolan, and in all honesty it’s one of my favourite things to think about, so thank you @primadonna-girl23 for finally giving me a reason to write it! I hope you enjoy! Thank you for your request! 💙💜

Video Games - Lana Del Rey

Disclaimer: RPO characters not mine / gifs not mine / lyrics not mine. I tend to like writing Nolan like this, and I will live and die by it!

Premise: There’s nothing you love more than playing video games with Nolan. But hes good, and he doesn’t lose. All you vow is one day someones gonna beat him, even if you have to wait for another generation to do it for you...

Words: 2771

Warnings: Small swears / insulin warning

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Swinging in the backyard Pull up in your fast car whistling my name Open up a beer And you say get over here and play a video game I'm in his favorite sun dress Watching me get undressed take that body downtown I say you the bestest Lean in for a big kiss put his favorite perfume on Go play your video game

Singing in the old bars Living for the fame Kissing in the blue dark, playing pool and wild darts Video games He holds me in his big arms, drunk and I am seeing stars This is all I think of This is my idea of fun Playing video games

It's you, it's you, it's all for you Everything I do I tell you all the time Heaven is a place on earth where you Tell me all the things you want to do I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true? It's better than I ever even knew They say that the world was built for two Only worth living if somebody is loving you Baby now you do

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This may well have been one of your favourite past times. Sure, you were dating Nolan Sorrento, who at any point in time – as the CEO of IOI and with the millions he made – could whisk you down town in one of the many sports cars he owned to a bar, or a club, or restaurant, where all the stars hung out, or on some expensive getaway to anywhere in the world; heck, Nolan and his money could get you anything, and often did… But there was really nothing better than sitting in his living room trying to kick his ass at retro video games. You failed more times than you won, and sometimes you thought he let you win just because of the pout on your face, but you didn’t see how you could enjoy anything as much as this. With the sometimes God awful graphics, and the very most the consoles could really do was occasionally vibrate the controller (which made you shriek and him cackle the first time it happened) these games were a far cry from the OASIS – and yet you preferred them. These old restored gaming systems and the various disks and cartridges that came with them, along with movies from years gone by, were Nolan’s pride and joy. The 90s into early 2000s were his vary favourites; staples from his childhood. But he had right through until the latest editions – just before this type of gaming became nearly obsolete. You could play them in the OASIS, of course, but Nolan didn’t see the point when you could get the real experience by putting your mind to fixing things. Essentially his only past time before he’d become CEO – and now he didn’t have a lot of time for things like that, but he could escape to play them. Sometimes you just liked to watch him on single player go through something a little more strategic – but he’d let you pick out what his character looked like, or maybe who they would side with, or the conversational track that he’d go with. And you liked the times Nolan would go quiet for just a moment and then almost shudder, and say something like, “Oh my god the soundtrack!” which made you focus on it for the remainder of his playthrough.

But on occasion Nolan would put in a multiplayer game and throw you a controller; and you’d either get to help him, or try to beat him. And it was fun to lie back on the sofa between his legs, head on his chest – tongue stuck out in concentration and yell expletives every time he beat you. “You can do better than that!” He laughed again and you smacked his leg, “You’re infuriating!” He gave you nothing more than a teasing grin; “Oh, I’m trying very hard I assure you!” “OH! SHUT UP!” But you were good humoured about it, and Nolan still laughed when you resorted to cheating, attempting to block his view or distract him from time to time. Which he used to say would serve you right if you still lost; sometimes he’d pin you between or under his legs so you couldn’t move, and you thought he was doing a little too much Kegel. Sometimes Nolan would even beat you with one arm around your waist, holding you close to him as you balanced on his knees so he was playing one handed, just to prove he could – or he’d give you a ten second head start. You had to admit that he was good, but he was also an expert – Nolan knew these consoles inside out, and he’d grown up doing this. So, no surprises there either. Today this wasn’t the plan, you were supposed to be going out on a date – judging by the fact you were wearing a sundress, and he was in a nice shirt and pants. But on the drive out of town Nolan had started telling you about games he’d been reprogramming, and fixing up and some new ones he’d managed to get hold of. That information didn’t come with a price tag, but you could imagine the expense – and before long you found that more interesting and you were on your way back home. But this was a little more casual, and after getting bored of losing to him for the umpteenth time, Nolan let you play it for yourself. “Y-You sure!?” “Mhm…” He popped the cap on his beer, “I’ll help you out!” You smiled sweetly; “Don’t you want to play it first?” “No…” He gave a shrug taking a sip, “I played it enough as a kid – you don’t even know what this game is, time I taught you. It’s one of my very favourites…” And so he did help you navigate around – or point out little hidden pieces of game play or items you would have surely missed, occasionally he’d take your hands and the controller in his to assist with some of the harder stuff where you insisted you didn’t have enough fingers to work it all out at once – but Nolan watched that smile on your face grow every time he did so, and felt that maybe you were asking for his help on purpose. Eventually you sighed gently; “I love doing this with you…” “What? Hanging out on my couch playing retro games and skipping dates?” Nolan chuckled, taking another swig of beer – he was surprised there was any left considering your practice of taking it from him when you thought he wouldn’t notice. “Don’t say it like that…” you tipped your head back to catch the amusement on his face; “This is nice and relaxed… And we’re together, how is it not a date?” He tilted his head both ways; “I dunno, I guess I kinda like taking you out…” Nolan paused thoughtfully, “I’m not saying you’re wrong though, this is… I could get used to it.” “Get used to it?” You paused the game and rolled over to face him, “Careful what you wish for Nolan Sorrento!” But he still laughed; “That doesn’t sound like it bodes well for me. Ah, I think I could put up with you for a while.” “Thanks!” But you were laughing along, until you bit your lips together, “I…Think I could probably get used to this too.” He stared at you for a little while, almost in adoration, before he leant forward, touching his nose to yours before kissing you. You closed your eyes to him, content, before wrapping your arms around him and deepening the kiss. Sorrento eventually broke it, arms still around you – before chuckling nervously, a faint shade of pink dusting his cheeks; “Aha… Okay, before we get a little too used to this… I say we don’t waste that beautiful dress, and you let me take you out for dinner?” You giggled, stealing another kiss – “Okay! Dinner it is!”

***

That feeling never changed, not through dating moving from months to years, or moving in with him, or getting engaged… then married… and not even the stage you were at now. You were getting better; you could actually beat him at these games now – and Nolan was only ever impressed. He enjoyed it when you won as much as you did, because of how happy you were that you’d actually beat him – and the excitement on your face; the way you’d start screaming sentences when you were nearly there. Or how he’d manage to reign it back (even if you still won), and you’d scream “NO!” so loud he thought eventually someone might knock on the front door to see if you were okay. Luckily it’d never happened. Right now you were supposed to be helping him on a campaign, but you were much more interested in watching what he was doing and snacking. “Are you actually gonna help, or…? Cuz I can go back to single player if you’d rather.” “No.” You said through a mouthful of Chex, “I’ll help, just give me a second.” He chuckled, and you held up the bag to offer him one, which he thanked you for. Truth was at 7 months pregnant you’d rather sit here quietly, head in his lap and watch him. Whilst you were sitting eating and watching Nolan do all he could in the mission solo, you’d balanced the controller on your stomach and every so often, as your baby moved, the controller wiggled around on its precarious balance. But that only made you laugh. This position was at least comfortable for you; and usually you sat like this to watch movies too – where Nolan would cuddle you close and rest his hands over yours on your stomach; where his face became a lot more interesting than whatever you were watching. Nothing really compared to the way he lit up when your baby made a noticeable movement, and would pretend he wasn’t welling up – but you knew Nolan was, he couldn’t hide that from you – though he tried. However Sorrento accidently ran himself into the levels boss fight before you were ready; and to let you know something important was about to happen, the controller vibrated. “AH-!” You gasped which caused Nolan to jump, “Shit! Sorry!” But you laughed harder; “Not only was the vibration kinda startling…Ooh-! Okay! I don’t like you right now!” You took his hand and placed it over your stomach as you were given a third little kick; “Ooops!” He laughed, “And I’ve got you into a boss fight!” “Oops-!?” You folded your arms, “I should just let you die!! If this continues all night-!” Nolan cringed, “I’d really rather I didn’t die – besides if you get attacked that controller is only gonna vibrate more, you realise that-!?” Well, that made you pick it up pretty quick. “You are okay though, right?” “Yeah. I guess.” You grumbled, “If I can’t beat you, the baby will!” Nolan chuckled before scoffing; “Yeah, that I’d like to see-!” *** “THAT’S NOT FAIR!!” “Come on its two against one how is that not fair?” “THE COMPUTER IS HELPING YOU!” “Yeah and it’s pretty useless! You two should have this-!” “BUT IT ISN’T FAIIIIIIIIIIIR---!!” “What, you think I’m gonna let you win-!?” “REMATCH! PLAY FAIR THIS TIME!” “You’re on!” You were sorting a few things out in the upstairs bedrooms when you were met with yelling from the living room. You laughed to yourself; this was the kind of argument that had transferred from you and your husband, to your husband and your children. And Nolan was still the one winning. You walked out onto the landing; balcony overlooking the living room to watch them. Your two eldest boys were sitting on the floor, having clearly just lost another match, arms folded and sulking as they threw glares at your husband, sitting cross legged on the couch with your little girl – your youngest – curled up in his lap silently watching the whole thing. You couldn’t help but smile at the scene; just another weekend in the Sorrento household… “What are you guys doing!?” They all looked up at you “Dad’s cheating!” “What-!? I’m hardly even trying-!” That made both the boys gasp and look back to him; Nolan laughed like he’d just said something he shouldn’t have and grinned at you. You rolled your eyes, smiling, and made for the stairs, “Alright hold on I’m coming…” By the time you were downstairs they were seemingly settled again into another round, although even as you padded over you could see Nolan was probably going to get himself another win. There was a smile on his face that had only appeared since you’d had children, and his laugh this time was absentminded as they both ganged up on his character. For that he turned immediately to your daughter, and indicated to her which buttons to press to help him with the powered-up finishing move. Which had the boys yelling about cheating again and Nolan and her laughing at them. And for a minute you stood back, heart full watching them all. But especially Nolan – things had been hard at IOI for him lately, and it wasn’t exactly going as planned. But when he sat here with his children, it was like everything else was forgotten; he was laughing and happy, and you didn’t think you’d ever seen him this happy – not for a while – and he was relaxed. Today he was dad, not Sir, no matter how exasperatedly anyone was saying it. Your eldest spotted you in the corner and called you over; “Moooom! Can you beat him for us!?” They had heard of the famed times when you’d managed it, but it’d been a while. Nolan’s head swivelled and his eyes narrowed at you; “Oh! If you DARE--!!” You held your hands up; “Hey, I’m not taking sides-!” Nolan clapped as your boys groaned; “Ha! That’s my girl!” “Okay, Dad, one more round.” “Oh god, no, don’t you get sick of me beating you? I’m getting too old for this-!” Nolan chuckled, then he exited back to the games’ main menu to set up a multiplayer quest, handing the controller over to your daughter as you settled onto the sofa next to him. His voice lowered as he lifted her from his lap onto the floor; “Go on sweetheart – show ‘em how it’s done.” The controller was a little big in her hands but she beamed, “Play nice boys!” But he knew they would, as they lay on their fronts waiting for the game to load up again for them. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek gently; “I love you daddy!” “I love you too…” She ran off to join her brothers and he watched her go – that smile somehow bigger. You tsked “Such a daddy’s girl.” Nolan scoffed, but then agreed; “Yeah. Probably.” He held his arms out for you, watching the boys help their little sister with the controls for a moment with pride. You snuggled into him, head on his chest and he kissed your forehead – “I mean, of course I love you.” You giggled as he continued pressing kisses into your skin; “Oh that was never in doubt Nolan Sorrento!” You sat in silence for a moment – Nolan was watching the game play, and every so often would suggest strategy, as he’d used to do with you. You instead watched your kids help each other out on the floor, everyone content with life for now. Exactly how it should be, before you voiced your question, looking back to your husbands blue eyes; “Why don’t you let them win?” His smile was mysterious for a moment as he looked back to you; “Because one day they’ll beat me, and I’ll never win again!” then he grinned, “Besides, I like that they’re kinda in awe of me at the moment, and as long as I can keep that up and help them in the harder levels, I’d love to.” He placed his hand to his forehead to a moment; “…God, I’m dreading the day that don’t need me…” You shook your head, before placing a gentle kiss to his cheek; “Don’t say such silly things, they’ll always need you – you’re their father.” That smile was back, and Nolan pulled you closer to him for another kiss, before you heard the kids all cheering at beating another level and had to both laugh. Yes, for now all was right, and long may that continue.

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Thank you for requesting! Thank you for reading! 😘💜

@3134045126 @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

#There will never be enough Nolan Sorrento on my blog #Nolan Sorrento #Ben Mendelsohn #Ready Player One #Nolan Sorrento x Reader #Linzi Writes #Linzi Writes Requests #Smol Bean Drabbles #137 #This is kinda how I wanted to end him #Him her and 3 kids #Evie #Lorena V.

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brokenfoetus · 4 years ago

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...Real Talk for a Moment....

This is gonna be a long rant post, so by all means... quickly scroll past. Parts may even be a tad emo feels for some folks for one reason or another... There’s no shame in skipping for reals. A lot of days I can’t bother to read anything too in depth... anyway... HERE goes.... While I absolutely love art, and performance, and surreal awkward characterization of myself I call “THE END”. I also value truth, and being understood. My blog here started more as a journal for me to vent, and place to post music and art for me to look at in order to try and just relax during a very difficult point in my life. Every now and then I like to stop and ground myself and post in a sense about the actual me. There’s frankly not anything magical here, everyone has a story and their experiences and struggles we all do no matter who you are. I suppose like I said, I just like to be understood where I am coming from typically can only be slightly grasped like anyone. Even if you agree with views and relate to feelings, things become clearer with details.... hence my rants. I get it out of my system and state my perspectives all at once and anyone who happens to be curious gets to read it. Maybe gets to relate and frankly that tends to help us sometimes. It helps people realize they’re not alone in their situations. Anyway.... I was born a tiny premature gremlin on the east coast of the U.S. I was raised a devout Catholic boy. At age 11 I was diagnosed with the chronic illness Diabetes. when the symptoms started my mother called doctors concerned. We had to wait a full month for my appointment. It was rough. Some people don’t know of the disease, but most people generally are aware. It typically doesn’t seem all too dramatic to most since people think of it as old grandma and grandpa taking their pills and measuring their food. When you’re talking juvenile onset diabetes it’s different... severity can vary. but, I caught some sort of virus, with flu like symptoms... I was very very sick for a week or two. Once it passed, I was okay but slowly started feeling gross in other ways. By the time we got to see Doctors it was too late, and the damage done to my pancreas made it so it created pretty much no insulin. The only theory Doctors had at the time was the virus freaked out my auto-immune system so it made my body attack itself. It seemed that my white blood cells had attacked my pancreas. I was 11, so... I didn’t know what diabetes was. I asked my doctor if there was a cure, and he explained that there was no cure. My little boy brain after feeling so awful for a month and a half assumed I was going to die. I burst into tears as I was very very afraid. My Doctor quickly explained I wasn’t going to die like I had assumed and that it can be treated. It doesn’t seem so scary most the time when you realize it can be treated. The thing is the hormone insulin can be quite dangerous, as low blood sugars are actually very much more dangerous than high blood sugars. Insulin allows glucose in the blood to travel into cells to basically use as fuel. without it sugar levels rise in the blood stream, and the body starts rapidly breaking down fat cells to use as fuel. Now, that happens normal some anyway usually after eating. Just not rapidly.... when it does, the fuel it breaks down creates ketones which can make the blood toxic... by making it acidic.... Like I don’t really think... there’s any way I can describe what high blood sugar feels like... or what it feels like when your blood starts to become acidic.... I can’t... but... minor low blood sugar attacks can happen to anyone just by skipping lunch or forgetting to eat... and those suck... bad ones... well... they feel like you’re dying. Not to be melodramatic about it all... but that’s all I can say to explain it... it just feels like you’re dying. Probably because you sort of are..... The brain runs on glucose so when the levels get too low... your brain panics and tries to save itself and alert you. It’s not fun. It’s been many years since I had anything dangerous or serious in terms of low blood sugars but, a couple times in my life when I wasn’t doing very well emotionally and mentally I wasn’t paying attention or being careful with my insulin dosages and how much I was eating. I’ve had 3 grand mal seizures in my life when I was younger.... it’s hard to explain the experience... in mine... I don’t know.... It was like not existing at all, there was nothing. I woke to pain, I couldn’t see or hear it just hurt. Everything hurt head to toe. Then I could hear myself saying it hurt, then I could hear the people around me, and then I could see the people around me. Then I knew what had happened. I felt a bit guilty for scaring my loved ones so much. That honestly made me more upset than the pain. The reason I spell all this out... is my life has mostly been surrounded by fear. I’ve been aware of my mortality and trying to avoid dying on a daily basis since I was a very young boy. The strange thing I suppose.... is after a while... you just get sick of being afraid.... you kind of stop being scared and just get angry... I was a shy timid nervous little dude.... I’ve had long long times where... I’ve felt worthless, I’ve hated myself, felt I didn’t deserve happiness, or love. I’ve let people use me, without standing up for myself. I’ve let people be toxic and cruel, while excusing their behavior. While at the same time condemning myself for any tiny mistake I may have made in any way. I’ve made myself a martyr in personal relationships, sacrificing myself and my feelings. I’ve frankly... done a whole bunch of fucked up things turned inward. The nice thing I suppose, is I don’t do that anymore.... I still make mistakes, and I like to take responsibility for them and make amends or fix them. You can get used to some really fucked up things. Especially when struggling with self worth. I used to think I was useless and undeserving. Today... I’m well aware I’m a PRETTEH PRETTEH GOFF BOI.... I have long time close friends who love me just as much as I do them. I have a wonderful beautiful lovely lady who has my heart and soul whom I want to spend every moment I possibly can with until my bones are dust. Who helped me a great deal over the past couple years or so. Helped me with myself and helped me believe in myself again. Just by being my friend and supporting me while I continue to be the eccentric artist asshole I am. and I have Scrambles... THE MOST CUTEST BLACK KITTEH KAT EVAR. I feel rather lucky to have all I do. I appreciate what I have very very much. I’ve been dealing with Diabetes since I was 11... and had been dealing with Severe Major Depression symptoms since my early 20s. over the past five years I finally started getting help, Turns out I don’t just have diabetes.... I have adhd and some kind of sleep disorder. we’ve been calling it narcolepsy but it’s hard to say exactly, it could be hypersomnia which is a super fancy way of saying I’m fucking always exhausted 24/7 which is pretty accurate. That is usually caused by narcolepsy or something else but... who knows... still trying to figure that part out. I have discovered though that, being fucking exhausted non stop for 20 years will make you very depressed. Sometimes depression makes you tired, and sometimes being tired makes you depressed. When I was a young lad, I gave myself one single life goal.... That was to finish an electro industrial album and play some live shows. I dunno, to some that might not be a big deal.... I never said it had to be “good” after all. But, when I was at a low point dealing with my stuffs, trying to take care of myself... I honestly spent most my days sleeping. I was awake maybe 4 hours a day. Things felt very hopeless, that learned hopelessness made me believe things were pretty much pointless. I would shrug... and talk to my psychiatrist about my suffering in a manner that people talk about the weather. I didn’t even care anymore it was happening. It was “oh well... is what it is.” Until I got angry, it was a good thing I was so frustrated.... because it meant I finally gave a shit again. I wanted to get better and I wanted it to hurry the fuck up. Anyway... I’m just rambling and ranting because I was thinking back a lot after doing a sleep study... probably the first in a series of them. I don’t have apnea so I mean... that’s good. I also got to see what some of my brainwaves look like... I also apparently wake up after dreaming some a lot... I also apparently yelled in the middle of the night hahaha. So back to the whole life goal thing.....my long time friend, who introduced me to shitloads of music and bands and has always been close through good and bad times. Was saying how he knew it was something I’ve always wanted to do, so he wants to help me. He’s starting to help me plan the performance and then later will help me setup my shows and come with me to what will be really awkward and silly first couple gigs I play. An open mic night will be particularly hilarious to me, since instead of hearing shitty rock song covers, it will be an insane goth punk dude screaming distorted vocals to weird electro noises haha. It’s taken a long time to get shit finally going... but... it’s getting there... it’s still going to take a lot more work... on both me and the music. I have countless things I have to do, but I’m just happy I finally got angry enough to scream fuck it... and go for it... I love a lot of various kinds of work. I don’t really fit there very well though. Now that the sleep disorder stuff has become worse over time... it’s not really possible anyway. That’s okay though, since now I’m just doing what I’m actually good at. Eccentric artist asshole has always been my key features. xD So, here’s some photos of me before and during my sleep lab and random enjoyable crap I suppose... and my general mood. It’s been a while.... -The End-

youtube

#Me #Personal #Random #Pointless #Update #THE END

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abutterflyscribbles · 5 years ago

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Chocolate Denied

(via @elf-kid2)

“This is how I die.”

“That’s what you say every year and you’re still alive and kicking.”

“As my best friend you are not taking this seriously enough.”

Dawn pouted. She quickly stopped and checked that the little heart sequins she’d put on this morning were still stuck to her cheeks. It was Valentine’s Day and Valentines Day was all about lace and glitter and pink, and Dawn was all about lace and glitter and pink. A fluttering skirt trimmed in scallops of lace might not be the best suited to February weather but that wasn’t going to get in the way of Dawn’s style. It went perfectly with her belt and its heart-shaped buckle, and what else would she wear with her little rose earrings?

She slouched over her desk. Sunny patted her back. “It’s just chocolates.”

She shot upright. “It’s not just chocolates! It’s a whole lot of chocolates! Adorable, tasty, heart-shaped truffles in red velvet heart-shaped boxes! Not to mention the chocolate roses! Sunny,” Dawn took him by the shoulders and began to shake him, “this wonderland of chocolate under my nose and I can’t eat any of it! Every year I am deluged with gifts that exist solely to torment me!”

Sunny’s head rocked back and forth with the shaking. He put up a hand to check his hair. Dawn gave him another shake. “Your hair is perfect! It’s always perfect! Now listen to my woes!”

“You really think--?”

“Chocolates! Denied to me!”

“Dawn, diabetes doesn’t mean you can’t have any--”

“Shh!” Dawn squished Sunny’s cheeks and glanced furtively around the classroom. No one seemed to have heard.

“Dawn,” Sunny said indistinctly, “it’s not like you have the plague.”

“Look. People are weird about it. Guys are weird about it. They catch me stabbing my leg with my insulin dose and they get freaked out.” She whispered urgently.

“Personally, I’m kind of in awe of that.” Sunny pried Dawn’s hands off his face. “You don’t even flinch any more.”

“You are the only valid person.” Dawn whispered, hugging Sunny tight. “But if you leak this information I’ll dump a bucket of water over your head.”

“I’m watertight. C’mon, let’s figure out how much chocolate you can have today.”

“Putting a limit on chocolates robs it of the joy. You can’t put a limit on love.”

“Hmm.” Sunny said mysteriously. “Anyway, this way you have a near infinite supply of chocolate through rationing.”

Dawn laid back in her chair. “I. Want. To. Binge.”

“Uh, you got a date for tonight?”

“You know I don’t. Never on Valentine’s. Guys always buy me fancy desserts and it’s so awkward. I’m being robbed of my youth.”

“Uh, yeah. Right. How about . . . we . . . we binge on movies instead? I have here a list compiling the best movies from all your favorite genres: romantic comedy, period dramas, disney films and studio ghibli both included under animated features--”

“Do you have ‘Whisper Of The Heart’ on there?”

“At the top of the animated features list.”

Dawn put her hand over her heart. “You know me so well. Mwah!” she kissed his cheek. “I love you the most.”

“Haha . . .” Sunny looked away awkwardly but he looked very pleased too.

"You’re so cute when you’re shy.” Dawn giggled.

Dawn had often thought that, and said it, but somehow the thought struck her differently today. For some reason her cheeks got warm and she felt a little shy herself.

How strange.

(Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about diabetes and I am too lazy to research right now, so forgive me my inaccuracy and feel free to correct)

#strange magic #spread the lofe #potionless #sparkle princess #hip hip parkour prince #human au #high school au #valentine's day #drabble #fluff

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inheritorofmemories-archive · 4 years ago

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Twitter is not a good place and I have opinions.

Okay so, just visited Twitter to see how they like The Old Guard and please remind to never go there for anything more than artist’s posts and memes.

(This is more of a rant than a cohesive explanation of my thoughts but I won’t lose my time on Twitter for that and I still need to talk about it, so we’re here. Okay, here goes-)

Of course spoiler warning for the whole movie.

"it's bad, it's not creative, it's boring, there's no story apart from bad guys pharma and good guys mercenaries."

Did we watch the same movie?? It's like those Mad Max Fury Road reviews who kept saying "they leave and come back, no plot har har I’m very funny" when the whole point of the movie is about staying where you live and make this place better, not abandoning it because you risk abandoning your true self with the land (amongst other things the movies tries to say).

Yeah maybe the story is a bit seen, pharma and all. But the whole plot revolve around the Old Guards and their emotions. It's about a tired warrior finding hope, and a young immortal finding her place, and how to deal with loss and grief and solitude, it's about finding purpose in helping other because that's what human do, help each other. It's a lot more than fight scenes and bad pharma (which, maybe it's an old trope but it's still very true to this day, please keep portraying pharma CEO as comically bad because they are!)

It's like men can't understand a story unless there's lots of death and unnecessary trauma. Can't you enjoy a story about found family and hope and kindness for one another like everyone else?

Here are the critics I saw, and why I think it’s bullshit, point by point because I’m petty like that:

The characters are flat and two dimensional: I mean, no? Sure, Joe and Nicky are not the center of attention, and we see Booker tired and a traitor, and the human ones are bit glossed over (though we see enough to understand them, Copley and his wife, the scientist that thinks she’s helping humanity, etc.), but Andy and Nile are fully developed? What else do you need?

Andy is a very old, very tired immortal that has a very complicated past (that we see a lot of) and her motivations, state of mind and thoughts are well explained (they all say she’s old, and tired, we know about Quynh; hell, Andy’s first line is about that) and we know she lost purpose, and she finds it within the film! She changes! Her character evolves in interactions to other but mostly Nile. Speaking of her- i know I’m repeating myself but what else do you need to consider a character not flat? She loves her family but doesn’t run to them because she’s not an idiot. She’s a fighter, a marine, a very competent one at that, but she still gets scared by being an immortal, she asks questions, she’s compassionate, she feels! All while being a bad ass fighter. She has agency, makes her own choices and choose her way, she has motivation and she know what she brings to the team and is not afraid of saying her thoughts and needs.

And even Booker and Nicky and Joe have full character, even if shown less. We have Booker’s back story, and we know he cares a lot despite all his hurt (he says he did it to help Andy die, which was still wrong and selfish, but he was genuinely trying to do something because he hurt so much). Nicky and Joe have a softer side, and sure it’s mostly conveyed through their own love story but they hug the other Guards and Nicky brings food for Andy and Joe jokes around (still thinking about that “faster than the elevator” line). Yeah it’s not a deep character study but it’s more than about half action movies today, and it’s enough in the story to make me care about all of them, even Copley. Although a lot of that may come form the actors too.

The fights scenes are bad: apparently they’re boring and do not do justice to the comics. I can’t speak for the last one, but boring? Again, did we watch the same movie? Yeah, there’s no big explosions and fire everywhere and collapsing buildings, but they’re not boring. I’m sorry my tastes are superior but I’d rather be shown the talents of a covert team of immortal warriors though discretion and efficiency. Why would they need explosions when they can juggle swords, axes, rifles and guns so smoothly you don’t even see a shift in their stance? See first fight in South Sudan. Why would I need collapsing buildings when I can have a team of fighters swapping weapons together like nothing? That scene at Merricks’s building where they all reload and change guns and the camera turns around and panel over all of them? That was dope and a very creative way to show how smooth they work together (with Nile added! So way to go to show the new group dynamics.) through a smooth and continuous camera movement. I could go on, but where did you see the boring fight scene. Yes there’s no cool lights and tricks a la John Wick, but if it did they would have complained it was a rip off, so...

The cinematography is bad: Just because it’s more understated doesn’t mean it’s bad. Yes, there’s no neon lights or cool shots like other might have (looking at you John Wick, since everyone seems to compare the two movie) but it serves the story. It’s because it’s so simple visually that you can get into the feelings and story. You don’t look at the light, you look at the actions and the faces. And honestly, I think it suits the Guards better. They look timeless, they fit in everywhere. A photography that’s striped down to the necessary only serves the story. I don’t see them in safe houses with a bunch of lights and modern furniture, just like I don’t see expensive shots and over the top choreography for them. As I said, they’re a covert team, they’re smooth and efficient, I like that the photography align on that and show them in simple shots.

tl;dr: Just because it’s simple doesn't mean it’s bad, sometimes that's what you need to work with the story and its characters and themes.

Not enough story and too much nothing to fill in: I mean, they die 12 minutes in, you get all the stakes, antagonist and themes in like 20 minutes, what else do you need? There’s break in the actions to expose plot and concept, but it never feels wrong or too much of a info dump, it’s fluid and natural because we’re following Nile into the immortal world.

Bad Pharma is Bad: Yeah, let’s talk about that. (Cautions, purely opinions, no real arguments to change someone’s mind here) I don’t care if it’s cliché, not when pharma in the US keep rising the price of Insulin every month, not when pharma all over the world send their faulty medicine to third world country because there’s no one that cares enough there, not when you know they purposefully don’t finance HIV researches because triple therapy gets them a lot of money, not when you hear about the experimentation and how they get their resources and literally everything that I’m not getting into right now. Who cares if they’re show as bad people once again, they are! You think CEO care about anything but money? If it feels wrong in the movie it’s because it is wrong.

Tell me no one in our world would kidnap and torture immortals to find their power. And don’t talk to me about bad representation of CEO and exceptions, I don’t care. One exception doesn’t make all the other suddenly better or worth the wrong they’re doing. So yeah, give me more cliché good guys fight bad CEO, I love it.

They did not use their concept enough: Again, where? To me, they did all they could with that concept, you get all the things you can only get with the concept, interesting and fun one. They are still afraid of dying one day, and even if they’re not (i.e. Andy or Booker) their brand of immortality doesn’t mean they’re not afraid of being captured: the Quynh scene happens literally just before Nicky and Joe are kidnapped exposing us the stake of being immortal, talk about good script work, right? Talking about fun trope: you have the millennium old couple that use to kill each other but now love each other, the classic ennemies to lovers we all love, you have the strategy of using your immortality to your advantage and destabilize your opponent: Nile walking into Merrick’s building and getting herself killed on purpose only to stand again and use the guard’s shock and lack of preparation against them, you have the fun references to real historical figures that comes with immortality: Rodin, Napoleon, etc...

I’ll link to this video I found that talks about this better than me, but basically, they did use their concept, a lot, and well.

The music: I can’t really say anything about that one. Maybe you don’t like the style they used, and that’s fair. To each their own. But it wasn’t too much like other Netflix’s movie (Looking at you 6 Underground. Four (4) song of the same artist in one movie?) but again, it’s Netflix, they use modern songs in their soudtracks, you should expect it. I didn’t bother with the lyrics accuracy to the actions, but each time the music fit well in tune and mood of the scene. And the actual score made for the movie was really good, not too much but still supported the actions and dialogues on screen like it should.

And my favorite yet, we’ve already seen it. I don’t have any smart answer to that apart from I’m sorry you’re a cishet, but found family is the superior trope and I hope you can one day see it too. Who cares if we’ve already seen it, it’s a different flavor! It’s no X-Men flavor, it’s Old Guard flavor and I love it. Have you heard of the Hero’s Journey? How Lord of the Ring, Star Wars and Harry Potter all have the basic same plot? And yet you can like all three of them for different reasons? Because they’re not the same flavors? Well, apply that to the immortal group of fighters and enjoy it.

Okay, that’s most of my thoughts on the film for now, but to make it short: it’s good and those people can’t appreciate good things that are more feelings and humanity than fist fights and nihilism. How dare a movie say we’re good and need each other and not end in a pathetic discovery that all the word deserves to burn.

#tog #nile freeman #andromache the scythian #quynh #yusuf al-kaysani #nicolo di genova #sebastian le livre #kaysanova #andromaquynh #yeah most of the critics were form old dude that can't fathom why someone would feel emotions and seek help #and want to have good people around and help the rest of the world #can you tell i'm salty this fine evening?#it doesn't have to be bourne or james bound or john wick or whatever to be meaninful stfu #em speaks #I have opinions okay and I keep forgetting that Twitter is the sewer of the internet

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becomingamermaid · 4 years ago

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My mother’s best gift unto the world is making me feel like absolute shit with only a few short words. There is something poignant about cleaning up the toilet water from the broken toilet on the floor in an effort to use its broken state later on tonight. I put towels down and it should be fine if I don’t flush it.

I am sorry my frequent trips to the bathroom at night are an inconvenience to you and your shitty husband. I try and hold my pee as long as I possibly can so I don’t go back there and use yours.

I went to the bathroom 3 times today in total so that I wouldn’t disturb you. I’ll go the rest of the night up front. Sometimes I forget, you still think I’m going to murder you in your sleep, that you are uncomfortable with me back there.

That we only talk a few times out of the week, only when you come up front where I take my medicine and meals. It doesn’t disturb you that we are not close, that you do not know me, not truthfully. I stopped being your daughter ages ago.

Yet, your husband pulling you from a bed or hitting you, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your daughter being locked in a room with no air and a live electric wire thrown with water, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your daughter taking the arm of a arm and putting 2 toddlers behind her so that she can defend herself and them from your drunken husband, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your husband shouting at me as a child that no one wants me around or loves me, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your husband telling your child daughter that he would kill her and you and everyone in the house, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your husband killing your daughter with a cane over the head, breaking a liquor bottle in his hands and waving it around at her, breaking a broom and trying to stab her, taking a knife when she had just gotten out of the hospital and pee streaming down her legs too weak to stand, or a metal pole and trying to hit her across the head, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Your husband trying to light the house on fire, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband watching your child while rubbing his stomach soundlessly for uncomfortably long periods of time, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband breaking things at 2am before school and having to deal with blood splatters on the wall, broken dishes, papers, chairs, etc, doesn’t disturb you as much.

Oh no, your husband dragging your daughter’s mattress outside multiple times to tell her to sleep outside only for her to drag it back in alone, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband leaving your infact son on the porch because your daughter said no and he didn’t accept no, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband taking his son out in his car without a seat and drunk in his arms to ride around with him, doesn’t disturb you as much, even taking my hand to stop me from clawing at that man to get your son back

Your husband locking your daughter and your son out of the house and you have to pretend and take him places and make up fun games so that it’s not big and scary, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband “watching” his own son so well that your daughter comes home to find her brother playing in a wall socket with a fork, doesn’t disturb you as much

Your husband stealing the last 200 dollars of your daughter’s money for her insulin for drinking, doesn’t disturb you as much

Oh no

None o that offends you

None of that makes you that upset

As me using your bathroom too many times.

Oh heaven forbid I use your sacred and precious toilet meant for the asses of kings and queens.

Lord forgive me for this travesty.

I’ve already mourned your passing that has yet to come. 2021 is a time i start looking for other places. I’ll figure something out.

I hate you and resent you for all the harm you brought into my life. No amount of guilt i feel about hating that I resent you will change how I feel.

I used to think that if I killed him for all the things he did to me, all the torments, the pains, the bruises, that I would have freed us. That going to jail meant that I set us all free, finally.

But I see now, crying and teary eyed, that the only person who deserves to be free is me.

If you want to die then that is fine. I have cried and accepted it. I have mourned you but I must move on and for the first time in my life, live for myself.

I wasn’t expecting to break down so easily at something so simple as my mother unhappy that I was using her toilet too many times. But here I am, crying into a salad. I’ll be fine, I’ll be better.

I’ll live a happier life with people who deserve to be in it. If 2020 taught me anything it’s that I have more of a voice than I ever did before.

I know there was talk of me inherently the house from my aunts when my mother ..passes (not that they know this situation about her health), but I sincerely do not want this house. I want no part of it anymore.

What was once my grandmother’s sancutary turned into my own private hell. I’ve been good about saving. I’m going to need a place for storage once I get some furniture and an actual place of my own.

I’ve outgrown this space and these people are so foreign to me (According to my mother she never understood me to begin with). I don’t know where I’ll go but I want it to be a place untouched by this family. So no, I can’t stay in my hometown.

March might not be entirely realistic for me. I don’t want it to be like college where I was unprepared and then I got sick and came home. When I leave, it has to be final.

First comes my health. It has to get stable.

Then I’m going to leave for good

I’ll let myself finish crying and clean myself up and finish my salad and watch cute videos to directly inject myself with serotonin and then maybe sleep early.

I’ve made myself tired, more tired than I am lately with my body readjusting to medicine.

#sad mermaid bubbles #a tag i haven't used in a while on this blog #2021 is the year I leave all this shit behind

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angstalottle · 6 years ago

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Love Bites

When Keith first moved to the big city he never imagined he would fall in love.

Hell he assumed he would die alone in his shitty apartment and only be found after his cats ate his remains.

He had always been called a romantic pessimist, sure he thought it could happen just never to him.

He had this attitude right until the accident.

Normally Keith is the kind of person to take the stairs, but considering he was running late as it is he decided to take the elevator just this once.

Of course this would be the time the stupid thing broke down.

One minute him and some guy looking down at his phone were on their way up and the next the lights shut off and the elevator groans to a halt.

“Fuck”

“You can say that again”

Keith looked over to the guy he had been fine with ignoring and felt his heart skip a beat. He had never see eyes that blue before.

He held out a hand and before Keith realised what he was doing they were shaking.

“Lance”

“What?” Keith shook his head in a vain attempt to clear the gay thoughts that he didn’t realise he had until that moment.

“My names Lance. I figured we’re gonna be here a while so might as well introduce myself.” He smiled and Keith has to fight to not kiss this handsome stranger right here and right now.

“Oh… yeah that’s erm a good idea. I’m Keith.” He said quickly before turning away to look at the emergency button which despite being pressed multiple times remained dark and silent.

“Dammit” Lance said from over Keith’s shoulder making him jump.

“Yeah… on Valentine’s Day too. I bet your valentines pissed” Keith hated how sweaty he felt. Why was he sweating so much?

Lance snorted as he slid down to the floor “Yeah my special little lady ain��t gonna be happy when I finally get home. If she isn’t fed at the same time every day she screams all night.”

After a moment of staring at eachother Lance smirked playfully “I’m talking about my cat.”

“Oh… so you don’t have any plans today?”

Lance shrugged “depends, you asking me out?”

Keith felt his face flush dark red as he dropped to the floor “I… I.”

“Relax I’m just messing with you” Lance jokingly hit him in the arm. “Honestly I can’t afford to be in here too long. I’m diabetic and I don’t have my stuff with me.”

Keith felt a pang of panic. He didn’t know much about diabetes but he did know that it could be really bad.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Lance shook his head “unless you got snacks or insulin on you just hope we get out of here soon.

Keith nodded. He didn’t know what else to do but settle in and play the waiting game.

Over the next few hours Keith relaxed a little as they fell into an easy conversation about random things.

He learnt that Lance worked at a bakery a few blocks away but was only really doing it to help a friend out. He really wanted to be an artist and even showed Keith his sketchbook filled with water colours of galaxies.

Keith ended up telling Lance all about the mechanics he owned with his brother and how he moved to the city from Texas a few years ago.

It almost seemed like a perfect first date.

Then Lance’s blood sugar bottomed and his eyes rolled back.

Keith could only watch in horror as the boy who was so animated only moments ago fell silent and dropped to the floor with violent spasms.

“Lance?” Keith didn’t know what to do. They were trapped and short of prying open the doors and climbing up the shaft there really wasn’t anything he could do.

Then a crackle came from the emergency line.

“Hello?”

“Hello! Yes please we need help!” Keith yelled not sure where exactly to direct his voice.

“Power in the whole building went out. We’re working on getting everyone out but your low priority so it will likely be a few more hours.” The voice replied.

“No!” Keith tugged at his hair “there a man in here with me, he’s diabetic and having a fit we need out now and he needs an ambulance.”

Keith was met with silence.

Was this it?

Were they just going to leave them in here and let Lance die?

“A team is on their way. They should have you out in the next five minutes or so.”

Keith could have wept with relief. “Don’t worry buddy I got you.”

By time the doors were pried open and paramedics pulled Lance out the fit had stopped and Keith was cradling him in his arms.

Lance was loaded up onto a gurney and taken to the ambulance and Keith just watched him go.

He was about to turn and leave when a stranger grabbed him by the arm “the boy in the ambulance asked me to give you this.”

Keith took a folded piece of paper and smiled at the number written on it along with a message.

‘Let’s hope our next date is a little more normal. Give me a call and let’s set it up. XXX’

As Keith walked home he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

Looks like love at first sight was possible. He knew that he would marry that boy.

Two years later he proved himself right as on Valentine’s Day he said I do.

#langst #lance #klance #keith #valentines

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love-and-socialism · 5 years ago

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There’s a new Iron Curtain falling. Here’s a tiny observation. America and Britain are on the verge of forming something very much like the old Soviet Union. A new bloc, a global axis, an entity that follows its own paradigm, trades among itself, treats its citizens like dirt, enriches its elites…and shuts out the rest of the world.

Let me explain, beginning with America.

What got America to this point? It wasn’t al-Qaeda or ISIS or the commies. As it turns out, the thing that wrecked America was good ole’ home grown capitalism. Now, I catch flak for saying that, Americans get instantly defensive, because capitalism is to them what socialism was to Soviets: neither really understand their ruling ideologies well, which is the point of an ideology, really.

So let’s quickly cover with what capitalism isn’t. Contrary to popular belief, capitalism isn’t your local drycleaner or bar or bartender or the guy that polishes shoes at the train station. It’s not really small or even medium-sized business at all. Those guys aren’t capitalists — they’re barely eking out a living, weary, humble, average. Capitalism is Goldman Sachs throwing bailout money at hedge funds to build bots to trade Facebook shares with by the nanosecond…so there’s every more profit. More, more, more. Is your local bartender obsessively, ritually, fetishistically, single-mindedly concerned with maximizing profit at the expense of the planet, democracy, and the future? Does he only care about increasing his quarterly earnings, to meet profit targets set by Wall Street analysts? Is his stock publicly traded? Does he have a fiduciary duty to those shareholders? I didn’t think so. He’s not a capitalist. The capitalists, my friends, are the robber barons of American collapse…the average person trying to start something new and cool and interesting, or just making a meagre living from their passion, isn’t a capitalist, a soulless impersonal profit-maximizing entity, and they never will be. Do you see the difference? Please tell me you do, because it drives me a little crazy that Americans don’t know what capitalism actually is.

(Now, this is more like the European definition of capitalism, it’s true. The American one is more like “corporatism.” Call it what you want — let’s not get hung up on semantics. I’ll stick to capitalism not “corporatism”, because Europe has corporations too, but they’re not as insane and abusive as American ones.)

Phew. OK, let’s get to work now. What collapsed American life? Capitalism did, obviously. It can’t have been anything else, because there isn’t anything else. There’s no public healthcare, retirement, childcare, etcetera. Not surprisingly, deficits of all these very things, which are the basics of life, caused life to crater. Meanwhile, capitalists, who by now had lobbied to privatize all these industries and many more began to charge Americans an arm and a leg (literally, maybe) for things that were…free…in every other rich country. Insulin, visits to the doctor, retirement, parental leave.

Fast forward to today. The average American is effectively the weird paradox of a poor person in a rich country. The majority of Americans can’t afford food, housing, healthcare, and bills — hence, they just go deeper and deeper into debt…debt which they never pay off, hence the majority of Americans literally die in debt, too. Yes, really. Think about that for a second. What happens to nations that plunge into fresh poverty — where the middle class implodes? Fascism does. Hence, American fascism ignited at precisely the moment when Americans plunged into poverty: not a coincidence — cause and effect. And what caused the weird situation of American poverty — a new kind of poverty, poor people in a rich country — was capitalism: it ate through everything Americans had, in its quest for eternally rising profits, which meant that they were left broke, perpetually on the edge, unable to afford the very things they were often involved in producing. Again — that’s capitalism: it doesn’t care about paying you decently, it just cares about maximizing its own profits, getting as rich as possible, everything else be damned. But the inevitable result was a fascist meltdown.

Now look across the pond. There’s Britain. It’s the world’s second most capitalist country. If you understand all the above about America, what might you expect to happen to Britain? More or less the same thing — only less so, no? And that’s what did. Did you know that the only two countries in the world with the combination of falling life expectancy, flat incomes, and spiking poverty are…America and Britain? Apart from maybe North Korea and the Congo…but those are places that never were democracies at all.

So here we have these two countries — the Romeo and Juliet of modern collapse. Europeans live pretty good lives. Sure, times are tough, they are everywhere. But only in America and Britain did times get so tough that the extremists literally rose to the heights of power and controlled the destiny of nations. Europe fought them off in its most recent election, in fact.

So the Romeo and Juliet of collapsing countries — what are they doing? Well, they’ve made their choice. Their choice is capitalism. They’ve both rejected social democracy. Britain’s rejected the “democracy” part — it doesn’t want to be part of the EU, and America’s rejected the “social” part — it’s still so backwards it thinks socialism is some kind of horrible curse, not how people get working healthcare and college and retirement in the rest of the world.

So Romeo and Juliet have made a kind of suicide pact. They’ve decided to go all in on capitalism.

And that brings us to now. Trumps’s in Britain, trumpeting (sorry) a “trade deal.” What does all that really mean? Well, it means the following. Britain is effectively a strategic beggar on the global stage now, and it has to take what it can get. What America will demand is that American capitalism has access to all Britain’s remaining public goods. Britain never built a full social democracy, but it got further than America did: it has public healthcare, education to a degree, retirement of a kind, housing, and so forth. All of those will be “opened up” to American companies, which is to say, they’ll be sold to them, privatized. That means American capitalism will now be running what’s left of Britain’s public goods.

Imagine the NHS for a second. Who “owns” it? Nobody and everybody does, in fact. Local towns and cities, if you want to nitpick. But really — everybody and nobody. Now consider the fact that when it’s privatized, there will be a dude — an American “hedge fund manager”, which means some clueless Ivy League nitwit — or two who literally “owns” the NHS. And the BBC. And the retirement system. And the education system. Are you getting my drift? How rich will that dude, the guy that “owns” the healthcare system of a country, be? Obscenely, I think is a fair term to use. It’s the kind of thing we once associated with failed states.

Now think of how perfect that is for American capitalism. Why? Because it’s sucked Americans dry, that’s why. They literally have nothing left to give. Less than nothing. The majority die in debt — that’s how poor Americans are now. They never break even their whole lives long. Capitalism can’t take more from them, because they don’t have it. Nor does America have any real publics goods to cannibalize. Ah, but Britain does. Britain’s expansive public goods — though they’ve been underfunded for decades — are just what American capitalism needs to prey on.

Why? Because the crux of American capitalism is ever increasing profits. It’s bled America dry in its quest for those. But that game is done now, as Americans have plunged into lives of dire and ruinous poverty. So where to look? Britain is the perfect target. If you can’t increase profits forever…you’re not going to stay a capitalist for very long.

Do you see how perfect this setup is? American capitalism needs fresh meat to tear apart and feast on. There’s Britain, who’s rejected European social democracy, and chosen…capitalism. It’s not just a marriage made in hell — it’s a suicide pact.

Here’s what will happen — what’s already happening, in fact. America’s declaring trade war after trade war — China, India, Europe. Britain is too — thats what Brexit is. But they’re seeking succor in each others’ arms. They are building a new entity, a new bloc, a new kind of Soviet Union in a sense. A part of the world where these two countries basically trade only with each other, do business with each other, care for each other. Where these two countries will have intertwined their fates, and linked hands in a shared destiny.

That much is already happening because it’s more or less inevitable. Americans can’t ever question capitalism — and Brits rejected social democracy. So where does that leave them, except together, in a new Soviet Union of capitalism, whose Iron Curtains are already falling, to shut their people off from the rest of the world, whether Europe, China, or Mexico? What else is Brexit? Trump’s wall? The coming trade deal between them?

Now, if you’re a Brit, that means that your life is going to get worse. A lot worse. Fast. You’re going to live like an American. You’re going to eat American food, watch American TV, and get American healthcare and retirement and childcare. Oh wait, there isn’t any decent version of most of those things. You see my point, then. British livings standards will plummet to American levels — which are the lowest in the rich world by a very, very long way.

If you’re American, on the other hand…this also means that life will get worse, too. That’s because instead of learning from the better parts of Britain — the NHS, the BBC, the Royal Societies, the education system, and so forth — America’s basically intending to take a wrecking ball to them. That means capitalists will go on getting rich — imagine how rich the dude that ends up “owning” the NHS is going to be — and Americans will go on getting poorer and poorer. But worse, because this new union, only really trading with itself, thinking about itself, listening to itself…it’ll just stay stuck in a loop of collapse.

I know. A lot of you will probably whine reading this article — “that sounds outlandish!” Does it? You’re missing the point, completely. Britain’s rejected the EU. America’s rejected the EU, China, and Mexico. Both have rejected everyone else, in a kind of mass delusion, a hysterical tantrum of macho man tears. Who do they have left? Birds of a feather flock together, my friends, when it comes to political economy. Europe is a union of social democracies. So what else can the last two capitalist countries do but flock together, too?

The last two capitalist countries on earth have no one to turn to but each other. Reinforcing that, of course, is a healthy dose of entitled white supremacy, to be sure. But it’s political economy that drives it. How can a capitalist country have a union with a social democracy? A socialist one with a capitalist one? They can’t — impossible. These political economies are too different — which is why, for example, America and Canada never really joined hands in any real way. Hence, Britain and America, in choosing capitalism, have also chosen each other.

So there they are, the last two capitalist countries on earth. I don’t mean: “the last two countries where any capitalism exists” — I mean: “the last two countries on earth where capitalism is the dominant, monopolistic organizing principle of all life, thought, action.” They’re star-crossed lovers, America and Britain, the Romeo and Juliet of capitalism.

Capitalism is what led them to collapse. Collapse is what made them to turn to each other. And turning to each other kept them firmly capitalist. Choosing to stay capitalist in each others’ arms took away the chance to join the more prosperous, modern, social democratic world around them — Canada, Europe. But capitalism was the very compound whose overdose poisoned their systems to begin with. How could anything but more ruin come from overdosing together, all over again?

And yet no one asked, no one saw, and no one cared very much. Their eyes were full of dollar signs, and their blood ran hot with the thrill of conquest.

Umair

May 2019

#socialism #us politics #American politics #UK politics #fuck capitalism #socialism or barbarism #late stage capitalism #Brexit #save the NHS #social democracy

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strayycarrot · 5 years ago

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Take care of you - Chapter 2 (Seventeen Hoshi X reader)

Words: 1961

Genre: Fluff? I don’t even know anymore

Warnings: y/n murders someone in this chapter, but it’s not graphic. Also, y/n interacts with a pedophile, so that might be a trigger for some?

Notes: This is strongly inspired by Criminal Minds. I’m sorry, I’ve been watching that show too much.

You had known that he wouldn’t stop. You had tried to intimidate the asshole but he just couldn’t help himself.

You watched as he watched. You gritted your teeth when he stood up and walked over to a little girl on a swing. You couldn’t hear what he said, but you saw her nod and he began to push her on the swing. To anyone else, this would have looked harmless, just a dad or an uncle having a fun time with his daughter or niece. But you knew better. He was a coward. He attacked only those who couldn’t defend themselves.

You could easily call the police right now, turn over your information to them and they would make sure he went away forever.

But that wasn’t what you were being paid for. For your employers, a life sentence wasn’t nearly enough punishment for those monsters. You were paid to make them pay. Your employers were parents, teachers, neighbors, the ones with enough anger to stop caring about the law, the ones who didn’t trust the system.

Once, you had been one of them. But you’d decided that you couldn’t just sit around and watch. You had to protect the innocent.

And that was why you were at the park today, your eyes focused on the middle aged man in overalls talking to the little girl with blonde pigtails. Nobody else knew what his search history looked like. Nobody else knew that he routinely watched his neighbor's kids playing in the yard. It was your responsibility to stop him.

The bastard took the little girl’s hand and led her towards his truck. You stood up and followed them, trying to draw as little attention to yourself as possible.

He was showing her his dog, a golden retriever. He had used this ruse several times, but you had never caught him in the act before.

“Hey sweetie, your mom is looking for you.” You smiled at her brightly, and she ran back to the playground. The immediate danger had been eliminated, but the monster in front of you was still breathing. He shouldn’t be allowed to breathe.

“Why don’t we go for a ride, Sam?” You got into the passenger seat of his van without waiting for a response.

He sat down next to you.

“Who the fuck are you?”, he asked.

You smiled.

“That’s not important. The real question is: are you going to stop harassing minors, or do I have to use what’s in this bag to convince you?”

He laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now get the hell out of my car!”

“I don’t think you want me to do that.” You calmly unzipped your bag and pulled out your phone.

“There is a bomb under your seat. By sitting down, you armed it. One wrong move, and this entire car blows up. Now I can leave, like you said, and let you die, or you can tell me where Miriam is, and I will disarm the bomb. It’s your choice.”

You leaned back and closed your eyes.

“You think I’d believe you? You’re what, twelve? There’s no fucking bomb. Now get out!”

You sighed and reached the phone under his seat. You snapped a photo and showed him the device you had planted there earlier.

“Just tell me where she is, Sam. I don’t have all day.” Technically you did, but Miriam didn’t. She needed her insulin. She would die if you didn’t get to her in time.

“You’re not with the police are you?”

You shook your head. “But you’re going to wish I was.”

“Look I don’t know how you found me, or what you think I did -“

“- cut the crap, Sam”, you interrupted him. “I know you have her. Where is Miriam?”

You could tell he was weighing his options.

“If you kill me, you’ll never find her.” He smirked.

“That won’t do you any good, buddy. I will track her down eventually. You, on the other hand, are stuck. You don’t really have a choice.” You returned the same smirk. Sam’s forehead was covered in sweat.

“Who the devil are you?”

“I’m nobody. Call me whatever you want. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is, do you want to live or die?”

Minutes later you walked away, an address in your head and Sam screaming at you, still in the car. Thankfully he waited until you were far enough away before he tried to get out. You’d never planned on defusing the bomb. He deserved to die. The children in the area wouldn’t have been safe if he survived.

Half an hour later you kicked in the door of the cabin. It took you a while but you finally found her, tied to a chair and barely alive. Relief surged through you when you found her pulse, faint but definitely there. You were not too late.

“Come on, sweetie”, you whispered, cradling Miriam in your arms. “ Let’s get you home to your mommy and daddy.”

Onto the next job, you thought, wishing things always turned out this well.

“Nobody can know about this.” The man sitting across from you was whispering, even though there was nobody else in the house.

You raised your eyebrows.

“Confidentiality comes without saying in this line of work.” You leaned forward. “You give me a name and I’ll make him go away. You give me half the money now, half later. Deal?”

He fidgeted in his seat.

“It’s a she, not a he. I’ve seen obsessed fans before, but this one…”

He took a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and flattened it out for you to read.

“She taped this to the hotel door. I don’t want her anywhere near them again.”

You focused on the message on the paper.

“She’s been sending Hoshi letters like this one for more than a year. We asked the police for help, but they refuse to do a thing. Now she’s following us on the world tour. I’d like to hire you as a personal bodyguard for Hoshi. A friend of mine said you were very… efficient.”

You looked up at the desperate man and frowned.

“I usually only take on cases with underage victims.”

You took a deep breath and thought about the cute guy you met less than a week ago, drunk and all alone and not at all safe. You’d helped him then. If you didn’t help him again now, then it would all be for nothing. Back then you’d had no idea that someone was stalking him.

“Please! We can’t let this get any more out of hand. We already have bodyguards, but apparently that’s not good enough. I’m their manager, I’m supposed to keep them safe.”

You smile.

“Don’t worry sir, I will take care of it.”

“Good. Now let me introduce you to the boys.”

Two hours later you were standing in a cramped hotel room. Somehow, all thirteen of the members and their three manager had fit themselves into the small space, and they were all looking at you.

You focused on Hoshi.

“I’m going to need your phone, laptop, any tech you have used during the past year.”

Then you turned to the manager who had sought you out.

“I also need all the information you have on this woman. Every letter she’s sent, anything that might give us an idea about her identity.”

Hoshi jumped up from where he was sitting in the floor and you followed him to the next room. Wordlessly he pointed to the laptop on the bedside table, and went to his suitcase to look for something.

You plopped down on the bed, making sure not to let your feet touch the covers, and opened the laptop in front of you.

“The password is -”

“- ilovecarat1234?” You grinned.

“No! What? Of course not!” You looked at him over the shoulder. His face was bright red. You figured it was probably because he’d been staring at your butt.

“Yo! Over here!” His eyes snapped back to yours. “I was joking. I don’t need your password.”

And with that, you took your trusty magical usb stick out of your jeans pocket and stuck it into the slot on the side. Not a minute later, Hoshi’s home screen popped up. You felt Hoshi come up beside you.

“Are you a magician?”

You laughed.

“Something like that. And that’s why I will never reveal my secrets.”

“No, you’ll just stick your nose in mine”, he mumbled.

You sat up quickly and grabbed his arm just as he was turning away.

“This is my job. If I could help you in any other way, trust me I would. But you’re in danger, and I have to do whatever is necessary to change that.”

He nodded and went back to his suitcase. So far, he hadn’t let on that he recognized you. Maybe he didn’t remember you. After all, he’d been drunk, and then hungover. Now that you thought about it, this was the first time you saw the real Hoshi, able to think clearly and make sensible decisions. You wondered why he had gone to that club all alone if he knew that someone was stalking him.

You decided that you weren’t going to mention the fact that you’d met him before unless he did. It was better to pretend you didn’t know the victim. You definitely couldn’t afford to get attached to him in any way.

You turned back to the laptop and scrolled through everything. There wasn’t anything important in here. You were sure it was important to him, but you couldn’t find a specific reason for someone to target him. He was talented, passionate, funny and kind. You already knew that though. Cat videos and movie reviews weren’t all that special. The only thing on this laptop that seemed unique were the notes he took for his choreographies. You leaned your head to the side. You had a feeling that his mind was very sharp, even though his notes were chaotic and confusing at best.

You sighed and closed the laptop.

“Find anything?”, you both asked at the same time.

“No”, you said. “I think the letters will shed more light on the situation.

“Right.” Hoshi sat down next to you. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you do what you do?”

You hesitated. You had heard that question before, but usually only from those who were in a position to understand exactly where you were coming from. Hoshi probably had no idea what kind of monsters lurked in the shadows.

“Someone has to do it.” You thought of Miriam, who would have died without you. “I take care of others. It’s what I do.”

“Don’t you have a family?”

You shrugged. “I don’t really like people.”

Hoshi laughed. “Yeah right.”

“I’m serious! You never really truly know anyone. I mean how many people have, unknowingly, lived with a serial killer? I just can’t let my guard down like that.”

“That’s sad.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t throw me a pity party. We don’t have time for that.”

At that moment, the door opened and you were in front of Hoshi in less than a second.

“Just me”, the manager called out, holding up a stack of letters. “I got your reading material right -“

“Oh my god! Hoshi turn on channel 7!” One of the other boys, Joshua?

Hoshi grabbed the remote and turned on the news. The volume was turned down, but you didn’t need to hear in order to grasp what was going on. Someone had been murdered. An idol. And, judging from the look on Hoshi’s face, it was someone he knew.

#kpop #kpop fanfiction #seventeen #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen hoshi #kwon soonyong #seventeen hoshi fanfiction #fluff #seventeen hoshi fluff

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jazy3 · 6 years ago

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X18

I liked this episode better than the last one, but DeLuca and Owen still drove me nuts! I liked that this episode was more fast paced. The patients’ storylines were good and I really liked the side plots. The main plot though really sucked. One thing I didn't like about this week's episode is that it treated Meredith as a secondary character in her own story. She had few scenes and only propped other characters up. It happened in the previous episode as well. I don't understand this because we've only seen this technique used previously in standalone episodes, where it makes sense, but not in regular ones where it doesn't. It's not Karev or DeLuca's Anatomy. It's Grey’s Anatomy. The second half of Season 15 has gone off the rails!

Maggie introduces funky mood rooms as an alternative/complimentary approach to tradition medicine. It produces hilarious results. We learn DeLuca’s Dad has gone back to Italy. Him and Meredith appear to have temporarily broken up again. Ugh. We go through this EVERY episode! Can they just stay broken up?!?! There’s some Owen and Teddy and Tom awkwardness surrounding a birthing class. LOL! Gosh Tom makes Teddy so happy! I hope they make him a regular cast member next year! They can cut Owen or DeLuca or one of the interns. Just saying. And as soon as everyone leaves Teddy starts feeling intense pain! Oh no! She calls her baby Soldier! She gives it orders like a loving drill sergeant! I love it!

Meanwhile Alex can’t get a hold of Jo! He comes to talk to Meredith and it turns out Jo went to find her birth mother. Meredith is still knee deep in her research. Alex asks how DeLuca is. She changes the subject as usual. Very telling. Apparently DeLuca’s being weird (when is he not?) and he’s on Alex’s service today. Alex calls him The Italian! Haha! I love Alex! He’s so calling BS on this relationship while being supportive. That’s true friendship! Meredith says she’s giving DeLuca space because of the fallout from his Dad’s nonsense. Alex accuses her of hiding out with the plants.

Maggie and Amelia talk in the blue room. Amelia reveals she had some insanely good sex at the conference! And then Link walks in! And he accidentally reveals they slept together! Oh and it looks after the fire the hospital added a new sealable hallway to the helipad! It’s about time! Alex throws DeLuca a bone and gives him a chance to be the hero. DeLuca is ungrateful and a jerk. I hate this guy. They treat an 11 year old patient named Nora who is a math genius! She stumps Qadri and it’s hilarious! Her Mom is great too! Alex steps aside and let’s DeLuca get the hug from her Mom and the glory because he really is a good guy. Which makes how horribly DeLuca acts later so much worse. He’s so ungrateful!

There’s another Teddy and Parker scene. I like their dynamic. Tom and Owen are both at the birthing class. Owen gets Teddy’s page and doesn’t tell Tom. What an asshole! Teddy’s not in labour. Thank goodness! She has cervical insufficiency. Owen comes to see her. Meanwhile Amelia and Link have an awkward sexy talk about not telling people about their tryst. Amelia is hilarious! They agree to stay away from each other. That will last 10 minutes. Link is very sexy! He’s really growing on me. I wish Meredith could find someone just as good. Amelia and Link end up working on a mother who rolled her snowmobile. It’s a very difficult case.

Jackson, Helm, and Richard wind up working on the woman’s adult child who is gender queer non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. Richard finds using the pronouns difficult. I really like how this storyline was done. It felt very authentic and nuanced. Some good television here. Meanwhile Parker is quizzing Nora and Qadri. They find out Nora’s insulin level has shot up but they can’t figure it why. They have to postpone the surgery. Alex apologizes to DeLuca because the surgery’s been postponed. DeLuca says he should be sorry for Nora. He then throws a temper tantrum and asks if Meredith put Alex up to this. Jo used to do this all the time and it’s one of the reasons I came to dislike her character. It’s not a flattering look on anybody. DeLuca’s an idiot. He needs to grow up.

All he does is piss Alex off. Also DeLuca is lying. He hasn’t moved on and it shows up later. He should’ve taken a few days off work and seen a therapist. For a doctor he really can’t take care of himself. Meanwhile Amelia and Link find out their patient could end up a paraplegic and decide to work together. Qadri grabs Schmitt for back up! Numbers! Haha! Schmitt’s hilarious! Qadri, Schmitt, Bailey, and Maggie form a mathematical dream team and slo mo walk it to Nora’s room! Now back to Teddy. I love her line, “Insufficient is something I’ve never been called in my entire life!” I love her! Owen starts talking to Teddy’s stomach in a high pitched voice. It’s obnoxious. Teddy tells him to stop thank god! He starts talking instead in an animatronic sergeant voice. It’s hilarious and the only good thing he’s done all day.

Back at Nora’s room everyone’s being quizzed and she’s kicking their buts! Her mom thinks they’re being nice! She doesn’t know the half of it! Qadri accidentally finds a juice box Nora secretly drank. She’s sabotaging her surgery. Amelia and Link go see their patient. There’s a very emotional well-acted scene where they tell her she might be paralyzed from the neck down. Cut to the plant room. Alex tells Meredith that DeLuca’s being a jerk. She says it’s none of her business and that he has to work it out all by himself.

She talks about him like the child he is. Why is she dating him? DeLuca is then a jerk to Meredith. Again, why is she dating someone with the emotional capacity of a 2 year old? The team finds out that Nora sabotaged the surgery because she doesn’t want to go back to school because she has no friends and is being bullied. Been there. She likes being at the hospital because she has friends here. Nora refuses the surgery again and says it’s her body and her choice.

Alex and DeLuca talk with her mom outside. She’s upset that she didn’t know that she hated school and that she wasn’t friends with Lauren anymore. Alex gives her some sage advice. DeLuca rolls his eyes at her scared mom like an asshole. Then tells her she’s supposed to make her get the surgery today. That’s illegal. Unduly influencing a patient or their family is illegal. For good reason! To protect both sides from abuse. In real life DeLuca would be written up, possibly fired, and could lose his medical licence. This whole scene makes no sense.

Alex tells him to back off. He doesn’t. DeLuca says most kids hate school and get bullied at some point. Her mom counters and asks if she’s supposed to hold her down. DeLuca says yes impatiently. Alex corrects him and says no. All of DeLuca’s actions are immoral and illegal here. He is telling a scared mom to participate in the physical assault of her child who is a minor! This is so messed up! DeLuca’s a monster! He’s taking his own problems out on a mom and her scared kid! In real life he would be fired and possibly charged and sued and rightly so!

I hate him so much! Alex says it’s his patient and to back off. DeLuca then says he just wants her to not die. The mom angrily reminds him she’s not dying. Great now he’s delusional and an asshole and a monster. He tells that she’s in pain as if her mom doesn’t know that. He says she should make her get the help she needs. Which is illegal! It’s also clearly about his messed-up dad and not about Nora at all. He is beyond awful! Alex keeps a cool head and tells him he’s dismissed. He tells him to walk away or he’s fired. He should just fire him Vik Roy style. He’s a monster.

Qadri tells Alex that Nora’s glucose panel came back and it looks good. They can do the surgery if they can convince her. They find DeLuca talking to Nora after Alex specially removed him from the case. In real life that would be cause for dismissal or suspension. Alex tells Qadri he tried to help DeLuca out and now he has to fire him. I wish he would. He deserves it. When they arrive, he’s telling a story from his own childhood. He convinces her to get the surgery. It’s all very sweet but that doesn’t change the fact that he tried to convince her mom to participate in her own child’s assault.

Amelia and Link bond during surgery. Meanwhile Alex, Qadri, and Schmitt operate on Nora. We learn Qadri grew up in Utah. They all share stories of being bullied in school. Schmitt and Qadri are hilarious! Then DeLuca storms in. Alex reminds him that he’s not on this case. He tells him he’s the reason she consented to this surgery. Alex loudly reminds him that he talked to her and did that after he told him to stay away from her and that he meant what he said. He kicks him out of the OR as he should! Amelia and Link do great work, but their patient loses the signal in her limbs and she becomes paralyzed.

Back to Owen and Teddy. Owen is still talking to her stomach. Baby talk is actually bad for babies and children so I’m not sure why they’re pushing it. Teddy talks to her stomach and then freaks out that she’s a bad mom already. Owen comes and lies down next to her. One of the few nice things he’s done for her and his future child since she told him she was pregnant. God he’s such a jerk! Jackson, Helm, and Richard are in the OR. Richard is still struggling with the pronouns and tells a story about a mechanic that called him Ricky.

He fired him because he’s not a Ricky. Helm days that’s a false equivalent. Richard says he’s trying to understand and that he’s been called a lot worse than Ricky as a black surgeon at a time when there were very few. He says the world moves fast and he’s trying to keep up and adjust and their attitudes are not helping the process. He’s right. Jackson shares a story about a girlfriend he dumped because she called him Jacky. They share a laugh.

Back to Teddy and Owen. Owen says some nice things to Teddy and her stomach. And then Tom walks in. Tom calls the baby to be peanut! Awww! He calls Owen out for not updating him. Teddy says she didn’t want to worry anymore people then she needed to. Tom says he’s glad to be here. Then steps outside to talk to Owen. He asks Owen if Teddy had actually been in labour if he would have told him. Then Tom spills ALL the tea!!!!! He tells Owen he knows he doesn’t like him and he doesn’t care but if Owen plans to make a play for Teddy and show up with a ring and take advantage of the pain and vulnerability of a woman he’s hurt over and over again and abandoned he should rethink that. Yes Tom Yes!!!! You tell him! You go! Finally someone says it!!!!

He tells him further that and won’t lie down or walk away and that he’ll fight for her! Yes Tom!!! And that it will bring on a lot of drama and pain for the woman he claims he just wants to be happy. Spill that tea Tom!!! Owen says Tom doesn’t know anything about his history with Teddy. Tom corrects him and says that his history is that he chose Amelia more than once. Go Tom Go! Owen seems like he’s realizing this for the first time. What a tool. Tom says his history is that he loves Teddy! Awwwww! And only her! And that she deserves to be with someone for whom she is the first and only choice! Yes! Finally! Go Tom Go! Amelia and Link have to tell Jackson’s non-binary patient Toby that their mom has been paralyzed from the neck down. It’s very emotional. Jackson can relate and gives some sage advice Webber style. Alex keeps calling Jo and not getting an answer.

DeLuca walks up to him and is a total asshole. He’s says he’s not just some intern he can kick around. Alex didn’t kick him around. He did his job as Chief / Attending Paediatric Surgeon. In real life DeLuca would be fired for this. This is insubordination. You do NOT talk to your boss that way! He tells Alex what he did was unprofessional. To his boss. The Chief of Surgery. WTF? DeLuca has the maturity and intelligence of an acorn. Again, he would be fired for this in real life. The only reason he’s not is because he’s dating Meredith on the show. Which makes this whole storyline and his behaviour even dumber. Ugh. I hate him. Alex calls him on his BS and says what he did was unprofessional. That the way he helped out Nora should’ve been the first thing he did. And he’s right. But that he’s too pissed at the world about his dad and that while he sympathizes DeLuca let it mess with his job and Nora’s amazing mom.

And it’s messing with his relationship. Alex is right. Also DeLuca should know that since he upset Meredith earlier. Seriously how stupid is he? DeLuca acts like Alex doesn’t know what he’s taking about despite the fact that he’s got over a decade of experience and is Meredith’s best friend. Seriously DeLuca is the worst! DeLuca asks what his horrible behaviour to everyone today has to do with ruining his relationship with Meredith. Gee DeLuca I don’t know. Maybe everything? Alex tells him not to let that happen and that when people reach out a hand you don’t bite it. Wise words. That he did it for years and that if you do it eventually people stop reaching out.

Meanwhile Maggie is checking Meredith’s stats & they’re off because she’s pissed at DeLuca. She gets a text from him asking her to come over. Maggie misinterprets and thinks it’s a sexy thing. Owen looks through an exam room window to see Teddy with Tom and Carina laughing and looking happy. He decides to walk away. FINALLY!!! Amelia is in the blue room feeling sad over what happened to her and Link’s patient. Link comes to see her. You all know where this is going! He takes her hands in his. She locks the door. They kiss and you all know what happens next. Also side note: They are going to have to bleach that floor because that’s blue ultraviolet light!

Meredith comes to see DeLuca at his house. She tells him she doesn’t do sitting at work wondering if her boyfriend is avoiding her or being weird. She’s past that point in her life. A few things here. She’s now calling him her boyfriend. Gross. She previously avoided the term and said he wasn’t. Also, her being past this point in her life is why shouldn’t be dating him! She’s at a different life stage and DeLuca is still very immature. She needs to break up with him and find someone more her speed. She’s not interested in it and has no time for it. DeLuca says he knows which makes him even more of a douchebag.

DeLuca says he needed a minute to be hurt. Which is fine but he should have take time off work instead of attempting to assault a child, screw up Alex’s day, and upset Meredith. I hate this guy. He has no redeeming qualities at this point! He says he’s had his minute and now he needs her. He makes everything about him. Never about her. Meredith has had enough of that in her life to last a lifetime! Thank u next! Meredith says maybe she needs a minute now. Yes! Take that minute! And keep on going! But she doesn’t. She laughs instead and they kiss. Ugh. DeLuca made her dinner. She is wooed by his cooking and his ability to speak Italian. Yawn.

Also, I get that Alex is worried about Jo, but he really needs to tell Meredith that DeLuca attempted to assault a child. She’s a single Mom with three small children under the age of 10. DeLuca is a danger to children! Also, as far as we know they haven’t even had sex yet so why is she doing this? This is not a long-term relationship. Why is she bothering with this? She doesn’t even know if he’s good in bed or not. This plot line makes no sense. Every episode since DeLuca took an interest in her is the same. DeLuca does something immature or stupid and upsets her or someone else. They break up. They get back together. At some point they kiss. Nothing ever goes anywhere. There’s no development good or bad. DeLuca keeps getting worse as a character. I don’t understand what kind of reaction they are trying to elicit from fans. This makes no sense at all. Alex arrives home. Jo’s luggage is there. She’s asleep in bed. He kisses her on the forehead and tells her he missed her. Jo opens her eyes. She looks upset. ‏ Now onto next week’s promo! It’s a flashback apparently as we see Jo go find her birth mother. It does not go well. The woman at the door says she can’t be here. They go to a diner. She asks who her father is. Whatever she says upsets Jo to the point that she’s breaks down crying. It does not go well. The promo ends with a warning that ‘Due to sensitive subject matter viewer discretion is advised.’ Which makes me nervous. Grey’s has covered a lot of sensitive subjects and I’ve never seen a content warning before. Someone on Twitter posted that they used one for the Season Six Finale which was the shooting episode. I’m easily triggered by things that come with heavy warnings so there might be parts of next week’s episode that I don’t watch.

That’s all folks! Until next time.

Au revoir!

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foreveralonewithmystupidthoughts · 3 years ago

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One meal a day, to nothing at all in the space of an hour….

I started my sort of “starvation” thing today (Monday 18th April) where I was going to eat one meal a day. Well, that’s changed in the space of an hour and a half.

I had one meal, today. At midday I had my one and only meal. Then starved for the rest of the day.

I went to sleep, fine. I took my Imodium, everything was looking good. I eventually fell asleep at 00:30 after enjoying some Reddit posts.

Then I woke up at 01:48am, to a bad accident, a really bad accident. Don’t worry I’ll spare you the details.

Now, I have decided to never eat again. I don’t care if I get ill, I don’t care if I end up in hospital or if I meet death, I really could not care anymore.

Maybe I’ll take more risky behaviours to up my probability of death.

It’s all the gastroenterologists fault. Basically telling me I have to deal with it by myself. Without any help. It’s BULLSHIT! How can I deal with it when I can’t take no medication, I can’t eat anything, I can’t sleep??

He’s a cunt. He doesn’t care about me. And this just proves it. I bet I won’t even get a reply to my message that I sent on Thursday. Too much of a pussy to reply because he knows he’s in the wrong.

Maybe I’ll take extra insulin every time, take more codeine than I need. Maybe the NHS should think twice before giving medications to someone with my mindset. Yes, my mum may do my medications… but once I get this pump it’s all on me.

They are to ignorant to see the truth. I sat there listening to the nurse tell me how I will be delivering insulin to my body and thinking how I can use it to die. It’s negligent. But I’m glad they don’t suspect anything. Because if they did they’d not give me the pump, they’d do anything in their power to stop me. And we can’t have that.

There is no reason for me to be on this earth. Yes I might leave behind friends and family, but what is my purpose in this world?

I haven’t got a job, and never will be working due to my illnesses.

I can’t drive, because by the time I was going to learn I became seriously ill.

I will never be in a relationship. No one wants me. I understand why. Who’d want to be with someone who constantly has accidents in their sleep, has no teeth and is going blind?

I’ll never have a family. You can’t have a family without a relationship.

I don’t do what a normal 25 year old does because I’m too sick to do anything.

So what is my purpose? There isn’t one. I don’t even know why I was put on this earth. Why did God put me here? To punish me? To make me suffer? Possibly.

What do you do when you don’t have a purpose? What do you do when your life is pretty much over before it got started? You simply die. You simply find anyway possible to rid yourself from earth.

#mental health #my thoughts #spotify #chronic illness #depressed #im a loser #my life is a disaster #my vents #vent account #this life fucking sucks #suicidal #ranting #lonely #goodbye #pathetic loser #what is my purpose #i have no purpose

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the-firebird69 · 3 years ago

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We even told something with him today he has 15 days before he might be incarcerated against his will and a medium security facility or he will be on the street and freezing and might get sick and then would be in the hospital for other reasons and they might try and kidnap him fully so we're kind of panicking today and he wants us to see it and understand it and we're going to the mass and all sudden I said this I'm sick of it just get him a damn apartment these people will accept it that's what he's saying you say they'll be forced to and they'll come up with reasons because that's the way they are we're not going up against some sort of organized oligarchy anymore they're fractured and people are accepting that is the truth because it is I'm going to go ahead and try and I'm going to give it a real try and he says we should do that and keep trying because I need a place to stay and it doesn't care I'm coming to our form and just do it as us they'd really don't have anything they can do they just sit there looking at you and I know it's that too those people are a bunch of boobs and I just want to lose and die because we're looking at them like they're more than they are

Thor Freya

And we thank you for your input today it's very valuable and we're moving on Ford and getting it done and we're going to pull the millennium falcon out today but you're right these people are a bunch of dicks and boobs and assholes you give them an apartment and said oh someone someone did that and we painted on someone includes a huge fight and said that's a much better way to do it than I'm thinking and Thor is probably got it right but we got to do it we got to get behind Thor and try to make it work and he's saying it's a great idea and we can't get the Bja out he's in the way all the time. Let's let the big picture do the big picture and her son have a life that will heal survive it's starting to really piss him off it's pissing me off the big picture will happen without him being a complete mirror of it it's ridiculous it's what these people

Want

Nuada Arrianna

It's terrible if we're going along with that I'm going to have a meeting to see if we are I don't want anybody to think that way it's totally unnecessary tons of things happen that don't happen to him or in his life that's ridiculous these people are saying it all the time I'm saying no it's stupid you have to put him down or else they just keep trying

Thor Freya

I'm looking what I'm hearing but it's going to get a lot better because you're going to hear a lot more of it tomorrow today is a preamble of stupid stuff they're doing tomorrow they're going to start issuing tons of evictions 90% of him I heard and it's truly says then you're going to start acting like normal people towards us this is terrible he needs housing he needs these people to shut up I need it years ago and we have a bunker in there that's going to help out too this is going to have another one there in a few more Godzilla is moving around the big one the man and the offspring are almost out and I keep saying that and nobody knows what the status is cuz people keep telling him the wrong status Sundays I'm tired of telling the wrong status and having people come up and say what is it and spending my whole day telling them I'll tell them what the status is and they have to check it we have a gray area meaning this area here has been emptied of any Godzilla under his chin and so forth the big well turn up on his head I was wondering why because we'd have to move in and shut these assholes up so I'm going to do that today and Thor says in France they're going to do that and we're going to have people inner arms that we should have had a long time ago he'll say these people are so stupid humiliating insulin assholes on purpose they want me to commit a crime to kidnap me is getting harder and harder for me not to do and say things and they are getting more and more encouraged they need to be put down like rabid dogs then I agree with him

Hera

Zues

Listen to get something we're avoiding being where he is and Bitol and got his wife told us we're making a mistake and we are. We are at the end of it and the end of our wit's end and we're going to come in there and we're going to take care of these idiots and start pulling out these offspring like he's ordered over and over and over it's so repetitive it's horrible you keep saying what is the problem here you take him out you f****** grab these idiots you're my one man army and my handling them all am I stopping them from issuing orders no am I doing that 90% of the work that you think I'm doing and I'm not my kids can't come in here either without triplicate permission and he's saying all this and I'm starting to get something we're lackadaisical and our duty and at the top level I'll let it go out there and we handle it when you take their Intel we grab the stuff here it's not like we're here monitoring so it's a nightmare he says they're kind of running around like they're free and that's what they do because that's the impression they get not that we tell him who we are and I'm starting to feel something this is a nasty area and you like it cuz you think you're alone I need to change that

Thor Freya

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missixo · 7 years ago

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St Balderich Slays the Dragon [6/19]

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 (on tumblr)

This fic (on AO3)

Pairing: Balderich/Mondatta

Summary: The humans are right to fear omnics and what they can do. What he can and will do to humanity. He is Jörmungandr, and he will see humanity fall.

St Balderich Slays the Dragon

Chapter 6

His men rag on him for the rest of the week about being held down by the beard, with emphasis on the fact it was an omnic doing the deed. It only cements his idea further that this needs to happen. The ragging itself is not an issue, but some of the jokes that were not far enough out of earshot were… well, some of his men need to readjust their thinking before this settles in too deep. All conflicts end at some point, and he wants to avoid wartime sentiments spreading beyond that point if he can help it.

***

Balderich doesn’t recognize any of the faces working in the pharmacy when he goes to refill his blood pressure prescription. “Where are Amelia and Jaime? Not sick, I hope?”

One of the technicians rushes to reassure him, bouncy little thing with an almost convincing customer service smile. “Oh, no sir! The regular pharm crew’s had a heck of a time this week, inspections and licenses and such, so we’re covering them for today. Whose name is the script under?”

“Von Adler, Balderich... Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can put in a request for a medic, do you?”

She shakes her head, customer service smile still in place, eyebrows perfectly angled to show sympathy. “Sorry, I’m new and not familiar with most of the hospital layout yet, but one of the receptionists in the lobby should be able to tell you. If you’ll give us just a second, Colonel, we’ll have your meds to you.”

The colonel steps aside to let the next person fill their script. He doesn’t have to wait long before he has the baggie and is heading toward the lobby. He only needs to ask the first receptionist he spots.

“Certainly, Colonel. If you’ll go down this hallway, it’s the third door on the right.”

“Thank you.”

***

Liam isn’t sure he’s hearing the colonel right. “Sir, are you sure you want this omnic as your division’s dedicated medic? He’s standoffish, abrasive, and he has a note in his file about excessive roughness with a patient. There are so many units much more suited to--”

“Yes, I am sure I want this omnic. Will that be a problem?” He doubts it, it would get the omnic out of the hospital’s hair.

“I… We… we’ll get back to you, sir, with the administration’s decision later today.”

Balderich stands to his full height before reaching clear across the desk to shake Liam’s hand. “Thank you for your help. I trust the administration will make the right decision.”

“Uh, um, y-yessir. Have a good day, sir.”

The colonel walks out, looking staid as ever but feeling like the cat that got the canary. He knows they’ll say yes. Too many people bend over backwards to keep him happy, but it does have its uses on occasion.

***

MD wakes up sometime in the early evening on his day off with a new notice flashing in his vision: transfer orders moving him halfway across the base, effective immediately. He now holds the proud title of medic to the Crusaders of Germany.

‘Someone shoot me in the head, please.’

He must make a noise because his roommates are looking at him over their poker game.

“Everything good, M?” Zax, with six points in a pair of staggered columns and a preference for ��Hawaiian’ shirts. None of his roommates call him MD; they know he hates it, but he still doesn’t have a ‘name.�� He doesn’t want one.

“Does he sound good to you, Zax? Sounds to me like he got some bad news.” Archie, five points in an inverted pentagon set oddly high on his head, wearing various shades of brown.

“How’s about we let him answer for himself, gents? Em, love, what’s happened?” Prism, three points in a tight triangle pointing off to her left, never seen in anything but floral patterns.

“Transfer orders. I’m the new medic for the Crusaders.”

All three of them pause. Logically, they all know the Crusaders are heroes of Europe, but there’s always that uneasy feeling, being around someone who destroys omnics as a career. They look at each other and set aside their cards to help him pack. MD’s not coming back here again.

Prism convinces him to put on his ‘off’ clothes, a blue pullover with a hood big enough to hide even his array if he wants, over black sweatpants. His flip flops complete the look.

Archie tosses him one of his oversized satchels - not quite a duffel - to carry his things in, not that that amounts to much: a reader pad, some tiny glass baubles he bought at the BX one trip, and a small rope of miscellaneous beads he’s collected since Hell Week: a mix of glass, enamel, wood, and metal charms. His two other outfits go in and there’s still room for more.

Zax carries down MD’s pair of succulents for him until he knows how big the case is he’s going to get as a ‘starter kit’ until he can requisition all the supplies he’ll need. As a last moment of hilarity, the starter kit fits in the satchel with the rest of his things with just a little room left, so he can take both of his plants with him.

Zax finishes walking him to the door. “Good luck.”

MD nods and starts walking. After a few minutes, he waves down a transport truck nice enough to give him a lift to the Crusaders’ barracks. The drive goes quickly, smooth over the fresh paved roads.

The truck drops him off with a wave from the driver, and he’s left standing outside the building he’s almost assuredly going to die in. An omnic as medic for the Crusaders. Is this someone’s idea of a sick joke? Even he figured out humor has its limits after the insulin deal. He clutches his plants a little tighter to his chest.

He’s beginning to contemplate desertion and figuring out a Plan B to destroy humanity when the door is opened by a multicellular monolith he doesn’t recognize, wearing the standard shapeless camo trousers and a T-shirt he almost pities for the strain it’s under, with a head of surprisingly full blond hair and a small, neat beard.

“You are the new medic?” He doesn’t sound surprised. Even speaking quietly as he is, MD can tell this man’s voice could probably carry across to the hospital with enough effort behind it.

MD can only nod in response. This one looks calm, but then so does Jörmungandr, and he’s bent on obliterating human society.

“Good! I’m Lieutenant Reinhardt Wilhelm, pleased to meet you. Follow me and I’ll show you your new office.” A wide grin punctuates the statement as he ushers MD inside.

“Most of the crew is at dinner right now, but the colonel should be around soon to answer any questions you might have.” He has to double time it to keep up with the lieutenants gait. Wilhelm keeps up a steady commentary about the rooms they pass, but MD’s stuck on the realization he’s now going to be living in the same building as the man who A: accidentally backhanded him because he was upset about stitches getting removed or something, and B: he grabbed by the mutton chop and held still with that mutton chop for several minutes. Amazing basis for a relationship. Can his day get any better?

“Here we are! No one told me about your quarters, and the last medic left before I got here so--”

“These likely are my quarters, Lieutenant Wilhelm. Thank you, I can get myself settled in just fine. You may return to dinner without worry.” He doesn’t approach the door until Wilhelm moves away from it.

“I’ll let the colonel know you made it!” And he’s off with a jaunty wave.

MD surveys the amount of dust in the room and opens the two windows, sticky from long disuse. He sets his plants on the wide sills and his bag on the field cot tucked in an alcove, noting the cloud that puffs up from the light impact. After he takes a moment to marvel at the amazing neglect of this space, he rolls up his sleeves past his elbows and mourns for his sweatpants. First point of order on the docket: find something that he can even begin to clean the mess of dust bunnies and cobwebs with.

#mondatta god ai #tekhartha mondatta #reinhardt wilhelm #balderich von adler

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chelseyroseblog · 7 years ago

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EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT INTERMITTENT FASTING + MY PERSONAL RESULTS

Well Hiii there!

Okay so INTERMITTENT FASTING. Let's talk about it.

First of all, leave me a comment below if you've ever tried it and let me know how it went for you! I did intermittent fasting (I.F.) for my very first time like 4 or 5 years ago and I LOVED IT. I actually also thought it was super easy. I remember adjusting to it quickly and being able to stick to it for longer than I had initially planned...like MONTHS.

Haha - not quite the story this time around.

Okay so first of all:

What is intermittent fasting???

Most people won't call it a diet as much as it is just a new way of eating or an "eating pattern". There's a few different ways that you can do it but the idea is that you allow yourself to only eat for a certain period of time and then you FAST for the rest of the day.

For example, if I eat dinner at 8pm and then go to sleep, then have breakfast at 10:00am the following day - I technically just fasted for 14 hours. So a lot of us are already basically doing it!!

The reason I wanted to try it again though was because I work late nights at a cocktail lounge and sometimes (okay a lot of the time) that leads me to snacking late at night. I'll nibble on some bread or some little cookies if I'm bored so I just wanted to really try and cut myself off from that in a way that would last.

I figured if I did I.F., that I would start eating at Noon, stop eating at 8pm, then fast for 16 hours. (This is probably the most popular method). So - this is the method I went with and girrrrl it was rough haha.

Is Intermittent Fasting Healthy?

YES. YES. YES. Like I mentioned before, a lot of us are already DOING it. Studies have shown that even people who fast every OTHER DAY still lost 2.5% of their initial body weight and 4% of their initial body fat percentage over the course of 22 days. (Study here).

That's 3 weeks!!

When we fast, our levels of HGH (human growth hormone) sky rocket - which is a GREAT thing! When our levels of HGH go up, we are more likely to experience weight loss, increased energy, increased mental clarity, improved sleeping patterns and a stronger immune system...just to name a few.

Also while fasting, our insulin sensitivity improves which is always a plus because when our insulin levels are LOW, access to our fat storages is HIGHER.

Studies also show that fasting reduces inflammation within the body, it may reduce LDL's (unhealthy cholesterol), (study) supports brain health by increasing a brain hormone called BDNF and also may help prevent Alzheimer's (study).

Moral of the story - YES, IT'S HEALTHY, and SAFE, for the most part.

The only time someone should avoid I.F. is if they are trying to become pregnant and are having problems with fertility, or if they are pregnant or breast feeding. Also if someone has had serious eating disorders in the past then it's probably not a good idea to do I.F.

Also - if you have diabetes or low blood sugar then fasting would not be ideal for you.

Anyway! You can drink coffee or tea, work out and take certain medications WHILE fasting but always talk to your doctor first. Personally, I would drink a small coffee in the am with some almond milk and that would get me through my workout!

Although - "work out" is a relative term. I know my body so I pushed myself to MY personal limit, and if I felt like I was getting too low on blood sugar to be doing a tough workout, then I would opt for a hike instead.

Always do feel what feels right for YOU and not what other people say they do or say is "right" or "wrong". You don't want to take the risk of passing out during an exercise, right? RIGHT.

More of The Benefits

You might be wondering the same thing that I was before I started which was - Does I.F. slow down my metabolism?? I mean, there's so many people out there who are stuck on the idea that WE MUST eat every couple of hours and we can never skip breakfast or we'll go to hell soooo what's the deal??

I learned that studies have actually showed that short-term fasting BOOSTS metabolism (study), but longer fasts (like 3 days or more) can slow it down (study).

While fasting your cells also undergo repair, you eat less, you lose weight, and have the opportunity to try and help prevent yourself from cancer! WINNING.

Okay so like, where the fuck do you even start right?

Here.

How to actually DO Intermittent Fasting.

Like I said before you can do the 16 hour fast where you just pick 8 hours in the day where you will be eating. It doesn't have to be Noon - 8:00pm, it can be 10:00am - 6:00pm, or whatever, just do something that work best with your sched. (This is where I messed up lol, we'll get into that).

The other 2 popular ways to practice I.F. are:

1. Mini Fasts - This is what I like to call them. This means that you fast for 24 hours once or twice a week. My only suggestion with this is, don't do it on a busy day when you have like 899 things going on. Do it on a day where you're going to be alone and unbothered so that you can be in control and not go all hangry on someone.

2. The 5:2 Method - This is where you eat normally for 5 consecutive days, and then for the last 2 days, you consume 500-600 total calories for the day.

1 FOR SURE WAY I.F. WILL NOT WORK:

At the end of the day, this isn't magic. No one has figured out how you can have your cake and eat it too MEANING, during the hours that you ARE eating, you still need to be reasonable with your caloric intake.

The big reason that IF works is because you are on a CALORIE RESTRICTION. If you just don't eat for 16 hours and then go and eat even MORE calories during your 8 hour time window than you would on a normal day - then you will not lose weight. You might even gain weight lol.

So be smart about it.

Start with the 16 hour method and see how it goes. If you get to a point where that no longer feels challenging to you or your results have plateaued, then try the Mini Fasts, then move on to trying the 5:2 method.

An even less direct way to begin 'fasting" would be to just skip dinner or breakfast if you aren't hungry!

My Intermittent Fasting Results:

Hokay - soooooo. I think alternating days of fasting will be something that I try nextt!! Because the 16 hour back to back fasting didn't really do it for me BECAUSE my schedule is so insane.

For most people the fasting is somewhat easy because they eat dinner around 8 and hit bed around 10 or 11pm like a normal person, and then get up at like 8 or 9 and then only have a few hours of conscious fasting.

ME ON THE OTHER HAND. I work until 12 or 1am and then have to wake up at 5:30am, train someone at 7, then go to school from 8am-11am, and then workout from 11am - noon AND THEN I would try to break my fast.

LOL.

Guuurl.

Day 1 : I didn't get a coffee and wanted to die during my workout, then went home and had the biggest salad in the universe with 2 pieces of chicken. I was full for literally HOUUUURS, Like did not get hungry again until maybe 6:30pm? At which point I realized I had under 2 hours to eat before I had to start it all over again.

Day 2: Woke up at 5:30 after closing last night and went straight to starbucks for a small capp. Felt better today but still noticed really low energy throughout the morning. I had the same chicken salad for lunch again and then wanted to take a nap because I just felt SO tired but I managed to pull through.

Day 3: Same ish, different day...except, I actually wasn't starving at noon so I ended up not even breaking my fast until like 1:30! This was nice because then I let myself eat until later in the evening. I personally enjoyed some wine and included those calories in on MyFitnessPal to make sure I was still in my 1,200-1,400 calorie range for the day. I also noticed by day 3 that my stomach was flatter and my waist felt smaller.

Day 4: Started to realize I hate intermittent fasting this way haha. Also realized that not having anything to eat for 16 hours after 2 glasses of wine was a dumb idea so I caved on this morning and bought a Power Crunch Bar. I almost felt like it didn't even do anything haha.

Day 5: I waited until noon to eat and then I decided that I didn't want to fast anymore so I don't know when my last meal was on this day.

Basically what I learned was that:

1. My schedule is too insane right now to be doing the 16 hour fasting.

2. I would eat such a big meal at lunch that I would end up having a smaller dinner which would screw me over because then I would end up eating MUCH less than what I wanted to which is why the mornings were so difficult.

3. I wasn't prepared with snacks at school for when my fast broke. Honestly, I didn't bring them because I knew that if I felt like I was super hungry around 10:00am and I knew I had a bar in my backpack, I would have eaten it haha so it was better for me to not even bring it.

All in all i'm really happy that I gave this another shot and that I was able to learn SO much more about it along the way. I'm still super interested in the benefits of IF which is why you'll see me on Instagram over the next few weeks playing around with Mini Fasts :)

Try intermittent fasting and let me know what you think!

Until next time!!!

XXXX

#intermittent fasting #results

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