#instead of the 9th when everyone else gets paid

[oetscop]

so i forgot my birth certificate when i went in for orientation, and the manager didnt say anything when larry said hed just bring it in for me on monday. so i guess i have to be there! which makes sense, but she had every opportunity to say something about it and didnt. so now i have to go on my day off. but i cant fucking get a ride back until 5 since larry works. and god i am so pissed abt it rn

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #100

(taken january 9th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? No.

Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? The only one I know with certainty was Rachel when Juan was pursuing me instead of her, but that was high school. I can't imagine absolutely anyone being jealous of me now.

What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? Dad, I don't know. Mom was probably when we got in this big fight in the car and she tried kicking me out of it. At night. In a city. Or maybe when I ran away as a pre-teen, or when I said "fuck you" to her, uh... idk. I can't remember what kind of fight we had that prompted me to stay with Dad for a few days, but holy shit was she furious that night, too. That was probably when I was angriest at *her*, I seem to remember.

What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? I am agonizingly shy, while he's very easy to talk to and isn't socially uncomfortable.

Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? Dad. He's a way better, happier, and (mostly, I'd say) carefree person.

What is the best positive change you’ve made recently? Probably becoming more dedicated to working on my therapy/self-worth workbook. It makes me think really hard and challenges how my brain is so aggressively trained to think.

Describe the last situation in which you had to give up on an individual? My old, long-time friend Mini is a hobbyist freelance artist that I've sorta gone back and forth into friendship with because she is way, way overly conservative and extremely religious, but I finally cut ties with major finality when she started sharing anti-trans shit. I will not have a friend that invalidates another person's harmless identity. She also sold pro-life artwork around the time Roe v. Wade was overturned, and honestly I should've stayed away after that.

When was the last time you made a new friend? Kinda now/over the past few days? One of Girt's gaming friends and I have been talking via Discord, mainly over a shared adoration of SH2, and we've clicked very well! Her name is Shelby, and she's been such a lovely person to talk to.

What are some things you enjoy that not many others do? Vulture culture art pieces.

Have you ever had to reside with an individual who had a mental disorder? Well, my mom has depression.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant? At least two people; my sister's good friend is getting induced soon if her daughter doesn't come beforehand.

Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My acquaintances Bethany and Spencer; they've paid me to take pictures on many occasions and I have them both on my Facebook. Absolutely lovely people. Bethany is actually the other pregnant person I mentioned.

Have you ever plagiarized someone else’s work? Absolutely not, especially as a long-time creative writer. I respect the hell out of others' works.

Have you ever stayed in an unhealthy relationship just because it was easier than ending things? My friendship lasted longer than it should've with Sara partially because of this. I knew it would be dramatic and stressful as hell so didn't really entertain the possibility of cutting her out.

Does seeing everyone else’s "perfect lives" posted on social media ever bring you down or affect how you feel about yourself? It absolutely does, primarily on Facebook. Actually my therapy workbook made me really focus on this a few days ago.

Do you know anyone who’s albino? No. There were two siblings that I knew in high school though who were African American and had vitiligo. The brother was in my grade, and he was cool and funny. He was a fantastic athelete.

Do you know anyone who got pregnant as a teen and dumped the baby on their parents to raise? I do.

What would you do if your own teenaged child did that? This probably has something to do with me not even wanting kids to begin with, but I absolutely would not be the one primarily responsible for raising my grandkids. They're either having an abortion or giving their child up for adoption if they aren't going to be responsible.

Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thankfully.

Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No...? I think that is extremely impressive?????? Once upon a time I wanted to be the youngest published author.

Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, I wouldn't be willing to do that.

Do people call you by your last name more than your first name? Nobody calls me by my last name, and I wouldn't want someone to either.

What do you hope you grow out of? Caring if people think I'm weird/strange/dumb/etc.

When looking for a SO, what three things are most important (besides looks)? First of all, looks aren't even in my top three. But anyway, being a well-behaved human is the top; I absolutely am not going to date a person going in and out of jail or anything like that. I also will not date anybody who deals with illegal drugs/drug addiction. Then three would be my partner NEEDS to be understanding and patient and acknowledge that mental health disorders are very, very real.

What belief do you have that most people disagree with? The U.S. government was 200% involved in 9/11. There were bombs pre-placed in that building. Read about it, the evidence is absolutely overwhelming that this was not a simple act of foreign terrorism.

What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? Two falling towers can't hold each other up forever. We drug each other down in some ways and it just was not healthy.

Fill in the blank. People who constantly post _______________ on Facebook drive me totally crazy. Those stupid "share this for good luck/money/healing" bullshit posts. That's not how the goddamn world works and honestly you look like a child.

If you do a good deed but no one acknowledges it, how does it make you feel? I feel satisfied with myself and don't care...? Nobody should do good things with the intent of receiving praise/attention, you do good things because you know it's right.

Are you generally easily offended by stuff? What offends you the most? I don't think so. I REALLY hate hearing the word "retarded," though, when it's not used in a strictly medical way, but instead as an insult. I will instantly lose SO much respect for you.

Could you pass a drug test, right now, this very second? Well yeah, unless my prescription meds show up. That happened the last time I was in the hospital and two meds triggered alarm; at first they thought I was doing illegal stuff. I can't remember what those meds were though and if I'm still on them.

Nudist colonies, what’s your opinion on ‘em? Not for me, but they can do their thing. I honestly wish our bodies weren't so sexualized and seen more naturally like they do, but that's never going to happen for our entire society.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? Right here in my desk chair when I got my hair dyed green.

When was the last children’s birthday party you attended? Girt's nephew's.

What was the name of the last video game you played? Girt got me a PS2 for Christmas and we FINALLY started playing Silent Hill 2 together!!! :')

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Girt, lol. But playfully.

When you were little, did you ever stare at the disabled or "different?" DEFINITELY not when I was old enough to understand; I don't remember even doing that before then, and my mother worked with disabled children when I was a child so I was naturally informed about them and to treat them equally very young.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what’s your current profile pic? I have three accounts now, haha. My new personal one is me doing a silly face at Roman, my primary photography one is my favorite photograph of myself, and my roadkill photography one is another, darker picture of me.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Never had one.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Front flips, yes. I was too afraid of breaking my neck to do back flips.

Is it cruel to keep a dog in a cage or tied up most of the time? That is literal abuse, so yes.

About what things are you most selfish? My mental peace/wellbeing, but I don't think that's a bad thing.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? EXTREMELY. I am constantly that person where if you point a camera at me, I'm frantically covering my face and telling you to not take a picture. I'm really TRYING to get better about it though; I absolutely do not have enough pictures of myself with my loved ones and it bothers me by now. I want to BE a photographer, so I'm very familiar with the power of pictures, and I want to be able to look back at them some day.

Do you/would you allow your pet on your bed? Even if they shed? You're goddamn right they're allowed up there, even when Roman DOES shed considerably. This is their house too; all pets we've ever had were allowed on furniture, and it's going to stay that way for as long as I live.

What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you? Made very serious promises he wasn't prepared to keep.

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? In my case those are the same person, but if I did have a different best friend, hell fucking no.

Would you ever donate blood? I did once in high school, and it was a massive deal for me because I was VERY afraid of fainting so drank a massive amount of water the few days before, and because I did drink so much it went perfectly fine. I might do it in the future, but idk. The idea of fainting or falling or anything like that from blood loss really scares me.

If the last person you kissed, was kissing someone else, what would you do? My instinct goes to saying something along the lines of, "Hey, remember that time you said you'd be offended if I ever thought you'd cheat?"

Is there anyone’s friendship or relationship, in particular, that makes you jealous? I do get jealous of Ashley and Nicole's (my sisters) relationship a lot, but never in a spiteful way. Instead, I just wish I was better at communicating and clicking with them. They act like legitimate sisters and friends while I'm just like, here.

If you are on birth control that allows you take pills and skip your period, how often do you opt to skip it? How come? My pills don't allow skipping it, so.

If you are a part of a certain fandom or are a fan of a popular series/musician, is there a rivalry between your fandom and another one (e.g., Lady Gaga fans vs. Katy Perry fans or Marvel vs. DC)? I wouldn't say so. Well, I guess people do compare Silent Hill and Resident Evil quite a bit and argue over which is better, but it's not a major thing; most people who enjoy one enjoy both.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I am a MASSIVE hugger.

What do you think is the scariest thing about the world? The pretty much constant threat of a nuke just landing on our heads, I guess.

Have you ever walked on a beach at night? Yes.

Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Yes.

Your ex is sitting next to you, what do you do? I would only move if it was Sara because just being around her would piss me off. Possibly with Jason too, idk. At least his presence wouldn't make me legitimately mad.

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No; I didn't hate him even when I wanted to hate him.

Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yes; it used to be np, but nowadays I prefer to not watch.

Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yeah, multiple people.

Do you know someone that is mute, deaf, or blind? I don't believe so. I mean my sister is legally blind in one eye, but not completely blind.

Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No.

What are your favorite word(s)? Serendipity, tranquility, soliloquy, pretty ones like those.

Does weed smell good? Or no? I actually think it really stinks.

Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act (not necessarily sex)? Yes. It was remarkably awkward because she was cheating on her boyfriend with this guy.

As of right now, how do you feel about your future? Stressed, worried, pressured by time.

Do you still have pictures of you and your ex best friend? Yes, unless the one you're talking about is Sara. I deleted them all.

Where does your grandma live? In graves, lmao. But they lived in Florida (but sometimes she stayed with family in New York) and Ohio.

Where is your favorite place to go when you’re depressed? My bed.

Do you have Netflix? Yes.

[thefirstknife]

I want to put things into perspective for people who started playing with Beyond Light or Arrivals.

Before Beyond Light, seasonal content was only available during that season. It was "vaulted" the moment the season ended. Season of Dawn? You could only do Season of Dawn activities and earn the seal and the title between December 10th 2019 and March 9th 2020. After that, everything from that season was gone. Same with Season of Undying and Worthy (and Arrivals obviously, but that one was extended due to BL delay).

This was naturally unpopular as it pushed people to grind seasonal stuff in the 3 months the season was on so with Beyond Light, they changed seasonal content to be available during the entire year even after the season officially ended. The fact that we can still play Harbinger and Presage is something we wouldn't have been able to do under the old model. Being able to get the exotics and other gear, titles and seals and play the activities, all of that was not possible before they changed the seasonal model.

I'm not sure what else Bungie can do here unless we want the game to be funcionally unplayable due to overbloating it with past content. We've seen what that does to a game, and not just for consoles. Destiny 2 before DCV was very slow, too big and it was straining people's PCs as well as consoles. You can't keep adding content to the game indefinitely. There's a limit to the engine.

Keeping seasonal stuff all year long is the best we can get unless we want Bungie to make a completely new and separate game every year where we'll have to start from scratch every year. This is obviously ludicrous AND it doesn't solve the problem of old content being gone because if the games are separate, old content won't be in the new game anyway.

Currently, we're losing an outdated campaign that's 3 years old (which is also the only thing left over from Activision era: good riddance, no matter how good the campaign is), 2 strikes and 1 destination which is not used for anything besides the aforementioned campaign and Spider's material exchange (which is highly inaccessible because it requires people to go from the tower to the Tangled Shore and back just to do the exchange so they can purchase stuff in the Tower: moving the material exchange to the Tower is something that should've been done ages ago).

We are getting: a new campaign, most likely 2 new destinations, ?? amount of new strikes and, from the article "we’re bringing a carefully curated selection of content out of the DCV, including a classic raid, two PVP maps from Destiny 2, and one classic PVP map from the original Destiny. We’re excited to share more details on all of this in the months ahead." Meaning, we'll know more details about all new content coming to the game later.

I understand people being upset, especially when it comes to things they paid for. But I would also like to note that I'm pretty sure everyone played through this content more than enough to get their money's worth for what they paid. I'm not sure how many hours of replaying Forsaken people think is enough to get their money's worth, but surely replaying it at least once with every character is enough. We do the same with singleplayer games; we play through and then we deinstall. There's like almost 5 months left of this content staying in the game so if people are worried about getting their money's worth, they can replay the content for another 500 hours for sure. I'm pretty sure it's reasonable to assume that would be worth the money spent on the expansion. Or, if they don't have it yet, it will be free from December to February.

And of course, when it comes to seasonal stuff leaving, we knew that. We had it much better this year with the content staying for a whole year instead of being gone after 3 months. It's what we asked for. We can't expect seasons Hunt-Lost to stay going into Witch Queen. There has to be space made for seasons coming in WQ.

[wiypt-writes]

Consciousness Of Guilt

Chapter 1

Summary: It’s a year since Ransom was murdered, and you’re settling well into your new life in Boulder. It hasn’t just provided you with a fresh start-it’s brought you a new sense and purpose, an appreciation for the things you took fore grated, and the friendship of a former ADA…

Warnings: Bad Language, allusions to past abuse (Non Con/Dub Con) but nothing explicitly described in this chapter.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

W/C: 5k

Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist��// Main Masterlist

A/N- So, here it is! The sequel to Murder, He Wrote . This is the last time I’ll post this note, however, please be aware that the prequel is a Dark series. Whilst this is not, it will contain flashbacks and themes as we progress, however nothing will be as dark as MHW. Chapters will be clearly labelled with appropriate warnings. If anyone is uncomfortable with the themes of a certain chapter, I will be more than happy to post/provide abridged versions which will not deviate from the storyline.

Sunrise. You used to hate the coming of each day. It meant another monotonous day in your young adult life. A 'depends on the day' type of job at the paper in which you got your start, it meant earning little for the slave work you put into each piece or research. It meant another day you'd woken up in fear, not knowing what was coming next. Then, for a little while, sunrises were okay. They were a soft glow across the room, illuminating hard lines and soft curves, whispering words and lingering kisses. And then, they became fearful again, bringing the unpredictable nature of a life in which you were trapped.

But now, over the last few months, since taking up your new hobby, sunrise had become a beautiful thing. The feeling of peace and comfort washing over you like a warm rain, bringing the redeeming nature of a new day as vibrant watercolours paint the new-born sky. Whether you caught it from the East side of your condo; your master balcony and study or your garden, or even your hikes, you appreciated every, single sunrise as if you were seeing it for the first time ever, each and every day.

For this morning's sunrise, you were perched along Boulder Creek Path, a trail that runs from the foothills to across town, a typical recreational getaway for many locals and tourists. You looked out over the bridge as the creek flowed beneath your feet. You were lost in the serenity of it, the bubbling water lulling your mind into a deep mediation that washed peacefulness through your entire body.

A year ago today, your life changed and you were freed. Free of the nightmare that had plagued you, robbing you of nearly a year of your life. The months that followed weren't so easy, but once things settled and the fires were extinguished, you found peace.

You found you.

Your phone buzzing in your pocket brought you back from your reverie, pressing your thumb onto the screen to unlock it. You opened your messages tab and tapped the most recent incoming text.

A smile flicked on your face as you slipped your phone back in your pocket. It didn’t escape your knowledge how Andy didn’t need to even ask what coffee you wanted. But then again, this wasn’t the first time you’d had breakfast in the small, independent coffee place not far from your home and place of work. You knew when you arrived that a large caramel vanilla latte, with an extra shot would be waiting. But no food, your order varied depending on your mood.

Twenty minutes or so later, you parked your sting-grey Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT 4x4 back in your garage to your condo at the corner of 9th and Pine Street and set off on the short ten minute walk to your designated meeting place, centred near the town square, not far from your office which was a gorgeous old red-brick building on the corner of 16th and Walnut Street.

As you approached, you didn’t spot Andy’s black Audi TT in any of the spaces littered around but it didn’t bother you. Barber was reliable, if he said he was going to be there, he’d be there.

And sure enough, as you walked along the side of the cafe you, spotted him at your usual, preferred table by the large window, overlooking the street. He saw you approaching and smiled, giving a small wave.

The smell of roast coffee beans, baked treats and other delicious aromas hit your senses as you opened the door. You approached the table and Andy stood up to great you, smiling. A light grey tee sat exposed under a partially zipped up light weight blue leathered hoodie whilst dark and crisp denim covered his narrow hips and long legs, his go to well-worn black work boots on his feet. His hair was styled and soft looking, his beard always trimmed and neat. He gave you a strong, yet gentle hug, a juxtaposition he managed effortlessly before he turned and waited for you to sit first before he took up his previous seat, nodding to your waiting drink.

“Thank you.” You beamed at him, taking a quick sip. "Of course." He smiled as he took a drink of his own coffee, straight black, before he leaned back a little. His left arm rested over the back of the booth bench, the platinum of his wedding ring catching the early morning sun which streamed through the window. You momentarily glanced at your own hand, bare of the heavy rings which had been taken in the ‘mugging’. Mind you, you wouldn’t be wearing them even if you still had them. Your story was a lot different to his.

“So, where'd you go this morning?" his soft baritone drifted across the table and you glanced back at him. "Fiddled around down Boulder Creek Path." "You seem to be getting around better now." "Yeah, thank God for GPS. Did I tell you that last week I was looking for some store Amber vaguely told me where about it was and ending up like thirty minutes down the highway towards Denver." He laughed, his whole body smiling, radiating genuine amusement. "You have more faith in GPS than me, when I first moved here I got pulled over for going the wrong way down a one way street because it told me to.” You grinned as he shook his head. "And that annoying voice! I want to wring her damn neck." You gave a chuckle but before you could reply, the middle-aged woman, who owned the café, interrupted you both with her usual familiar greeting and the smile she reserved for Andy. “Hey Patti, how are ya?” He smiled back. “Same old, same old.” She winked back. “What can I get you kids today?” “Y/N?” Andy looked at you and you smiled. “Can I get an almond croissant and a granola pot, please? With the blueberry compote.” “Sure honey, and for you Mr Barber?”

“French toast please, all the trimmings.”

A fizzing filled your ears as you were suddenly back on a clinically clean, modern kitchen, nervously scouring a fridge and cupboards for something to make your captor breakfast with. You swallowed, taking a deep breath, counting backwards from five as you always did to keep the memory from swallowing you.

“Hey,” a gentle touch to your hand jolted you back and you looked at Andy who frowned. “You okay?” "Yeah, no, I mean yes, I'm okay. It just…it dawned me this morning that this was the best thing I could have done for myself. Like there's just a newfound peace that's settled with me, you know?" He just smiled as he squeezed your hand before slipping his away. “Yeah, I do.” No more was said about it, and Andy didn’t press. He never did. In the eight weeks or so that had passed since you’d met him that Friday evening in the bar, the pair of you had struck up a friendship that was based on a mutual understanding. You both carried a heavy burden of a traumatic past on your shoulders, but you had an unspoken rule. He had never mentioned Ransom. And you, in turn, never broached the subject of Laurie or Jacob. You understood you were both moving on with your life, both wanting to heal from the past and you wanted to spend the rest of your life never in fear again. Instead, a simple chatter always flowed between the two of you, and today was no exception. You barely stopped to thank Patti for dropping your order off at the table. Current work was never a topic of conversation, although office gossip featured on occasion, but mostly it was always about happenings around town, him asking about you, your parents and your old job, the two of you talking about your favourite places in Boston. You never missed certain facial and eye cues Andy gave off at the mention of certain things, but when you saw them, that sag in his smile or the far off look his eyes would give, you'd change the subject. You ate in comfortable companionship and after another coffee, Andy asked for the bill and then pulled out his card to pay. "Next one is on me, you paid for the last two and coffee all this week." You gave him a stern look as you headed towards the exit. “Well, if you wanted you could grab us a beer later.” He shrugged, pulling the door handle to open it, allowing you to step out before him. “I gotta nip into the office for a coupla hours but...” "Breakfast AND drinks?" You smiled as he fell into step beside you. The July day was starting to warm a little now, the slight chill of the early morning all but gone. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you actually like hanging out with me." “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I just find you slightly less irritating than everything and everyone else.” He teased and you laughed. “So... Happy hour?" "Yeah." You nodded “It's a date." Andy confirmed and you quirked your eyebrow, trying not to laugh at the look on his face as he realised what he had said. “A date?” “Well, I don’t mean a date date but...” You felt the heat in your neck a little, so to save your embarrassment and his blushes, you smiled, "it's a date-not-date. Say Oskar’s, 6:30?" "Oskar’s." He confirmed. "I'll save you a tall, cold one." “You’re an angel, you know that?” "I wouldn't go that far. My halo is held up by horns” “Even Prometheus was an angel at some point, Y/N.” He replied as you reached the corner of the street where you would part. Him towards the office, you back home. You rolled your eyes and shook your head. "I'll see you tonight." At that he gave you another quick hug, his hand rubbing your back over the top of your light jacket before you headed your separate ways.

You enjoyed the walk home. It gave you the perfect chance to just mellow out and walk off a bit of your breakfast. You tucked your hands into the pockets for your vest, your white thermal keeping your arms covered. You headed down Pearl Street, watching as the little shops and boutiques began to set up their patios and side walk spaces for their Saturday. You took in the clean fresh mountain air deep into your lungs and allowed a warm smile to cross your lips. 

From Pearl to 9th you went, hooking a right up 9th until you walked to the corner of Pine, and onto the porch of the nice and spacious condo you closed escrow on just weeks ago. 

That deep feeling of home greeted you as you stepped inside, wiping your boots on your door mat just before kicking them off and setting them by the back door you’d come through. The cream walls invited you in, the oak furniture and fixtures, a feature that reminded you of home, the decor you grew up with, a safe place. 

You'd bought the condo outright with the money you'd inherited from Ransom's untimely death and subsequent estate. You knew before you'd even stepped foot into the property initially, that it'd become yours. The week you closed escrow, you and your parents moved you into the three bedroom, three and a half bath condo, never looking back. 

The open floor plan and panoramic views had stolen your breath and it was then, the first night your parents had left you alone, too anxious to sleep alone, you had fallen in love with the sunrise, seeing it from your front garden patio, bundled up with tea and a wool blanket. All three rooms in the space had no adjoining walls and their own en-suites. The master bedroom, your room, was massive. An en-suite with walk in shower, soaking tub and Jack and Jill sinks. Two walk in closets that you knew you'd probably never fill completely, an Eastwardly view and balcony. The two spare rooms, were separated, one on the second floor down the hall from yours where it's balcony looked West, as it were above the garage and the third on the top and final floor with its own balcony. That was your office space, a spot for you to work and to breathe in the fresh air. 

Everything in that condo was yours, down to the logs you'd put in your fireplace and the silly little amenities you'd given yourself from knickknacks to the colour of your dishes. There was one space however you left untouched. And only your parents had been inside to pack away your unused things as storage space. That room was your basement. You didn't need to go down there, you figured if you needed something from there, you'd go buy it anyway. All that was truly stored down there anyway were things from your childhood your mother insisted on you bringing along.

As if her ears were burning, your phone buzzed from your back pocket, revealing your mother calling. 

"Hey, Mom." You answered. 

"Hi, honey. I was just calling to see how you were doing. Check in on you." You could hear the worry in her voice and you couldn't help but smile. 

"I'm really good, Mom. It’s been good here." "You still hiking every day?" She sounded hopeful now.  "Lately it's just been on the weekends. I've been really busy at work, which isn't exactly a bad thing either." You had made your way to your room, looking for some lounge pants to change into while you continued your conversation.  "Well, busy is a blessing. Do you have anything planned for today or...."  "Uh, well I just had breakfast with a friend from work who I'm also meeting for drinks later." You smirked at the thought.  There was a joyful sigh that poured into your ear from the ear piece, "Oh, this friend wouldn’t happen to be the mysterious Andy you’ve name dropped the last few calls would it?"  You hesitated, "y..ye...yeah." Then you heard the tell-tale sound of your mother's chuckle. “We’re just friends.” "I'm not saying anything." You could picture her with her hands held up in defence. "You sound happy." “I am. I feel okay, more than okay even. I’m good.” "Alright. Well, don’t waste your day. Enjoy it. Your dad and I will talk soon." “Yeah, listen Mom, why don’t you come over for a few days in a couple of weeks? You’ve not been since the week you came to help me move in. It would be nice to show you round now I’ve got my bearings.” "We would love that. I'll have your father look at booking some time." “Okay just let me know. Tell Daddy I said hi.” "I will, sweetie. Love you, bye.” "I love you too, Mom, bye." The seventeenth of July, a date that you hope one day will come to mean nothing and be like any other day. But for now, it was a sting that reminded you of all that had happened. Not unlike Halloween, a day in which you'll forever hold in a fearful anxious place in your soul. It served as a reminder of the moment your life had taken a very dark turn, a darkness that you were still, in a lot of ways, finding your way through. Ransom. His name still tasted sour on your tongue. But left a sadness over your heart like a sheer curtain. You had truly hoped he wasn't going to revert back to the beast that held you captive. But you were wrong, and post the revelation of the real reason he had taken you, he’d been far more brutal and cruel than he had with you before, something you’d thought was impossible. And he’d broken you for a second time, or so you’d let him think. Desperate to escape his clutches, you’d done the only thing you could- you’d killed him. Whilst you may not have held the knife, you’d arranged it all. And, even though it had been an absolute last resort, you’d be lying if you said there hadn’t been a satisfaction to watching him bleed out and choke on his own blood. The realisation that had clouded his arrogantly handsome features as he came to understand it was your doing would be forever etched into your brain. That said, it made you feel a little bit queasy when you thought about how taking someone’s life could make you feel a sick sense of pleasure. The nightmares had plagued you for months after. The torture which sleep brought you only ceased around the time things were settled within the system between you and his parents. With a deep sigh and the need for distraction, you set about some spot cleaning in between loads of laundry and by early afternoon you had settled in on your couch with a beer and your latest box set binge. Not two episodes in and your phone pinged next to you.

With a smirk, you snapped a photo of your beer bottle in your hand and a few moments later his response came through.

The angel made you laugh, a direct reference to his teasing before. But before you could reply, you got another text with simply saying “fuck it” along with a picture of a tumblr of whiskey on his desk. With a snort you replied

With a smile you tossed your phone down onto the seat beside you, and resumed your watching.

***** Andy was kidding when he playfully said he'd be there by 6:45, fully intending on their agreed upon 6:30. But, he was late. He'd been so involved with his brief that he'd lost track, and for the first time since meeting her, was late for a meet up with Y/N. She was fully understanding as he'd text her apologizing for the time as he'd rushed out of the office and quickly headed for Pearl Street. He'd gotten very lucky with close parking and literally stepped inside Oskar's Taproom promptly at 6:45. He found Y/N sitting at the bar, her hair down, a nicely fitted black tee and skinny denim jeans, her foot tapping against her bar stool in waiting. Next to her was an empty stool and a full, cold looking tall pilsner on the bar, saving his space.

"Hey," he said as he leaned into her, a gentle hand on her back, getting her attention.

Y/N startled a bit but realized it was Andy and grinned, "'bout time! I was going to get started on yours without you." She nodded to the cold beer.  “I’m so sorry.” He shook his head, “I just got caught up.” "Well, you haven't stood me up yet, so I trusted you'd show." “And I did tell you 6:45 before. You know, on account of you being a cheeky little shit.” She rolled her eyes at him, "whatever." She smirked. He slid onto the stool next to her and took a long pull of his beer, damned it tasted good. He gave an appreciative sigh and turned to her. “So, do anything much this afternoon?” "I did absolutely nothing, well nothing of importance. Talked to my mom, did laundry, you know nothing exciting." “To be honest, sounds like a pretty good afternoon.” He chuckled. “Sometimes there’s nothing better than laying in front of the TV with no where you have to be.” "Cheers to that," she raised her glass to him. He clinked his with hers and returned the smile she had. The blues band that was set to play happy hour was starting to tune up and it gave Andy an idea. "What do you say we find a spot in the patio, little less noise." “Sounds good.” She nodded. Andy flagged the bartender down for another round to take with them. But before Y/N could pick up her glass, Andy took it for her and gestured with her head for her to go on in front. She looked a little surprised at his act of basic good manners, and not for the first time. He'd often seen her look at him in a similar way when he held doors open for her or helped her with her jacket. It made him wonder what kind of asshole Drysdale had been. But, then again, he got the impression it hadn’t been a particularly happy relationship to start. Not that it was any of his business, nor was he one to talk. The last seven months he’d been married to Laurie had been as strained as they'd ever got. They found a spot at a two top near the corner of the patio at the gate that separated it from the sidewalk. Andy waited for Y/N to sit before he set their glasses on the high top table and took his own seat. "So...much better," he leaned in across the table. "Love this place, but it's not always the best for conversation." “Yeah but it has a good atmosphere.” She smiled. “I like it. Not the type of place that-“ she stopped dead and took a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter.” He half smiled, "you know, I've been meaning to tell you, it's okay to talk to me about anything you want. No pressure, no strings. Just a friendly ear." She smiled. “I know, thanks. And the same goes for you too.” For the first time, an interesting silence came between them. They each sipped their drinks in an almost a mirrored like fashion and chuckled when through. "I think that's the first time we've ever not had something to say." Y/N shrugged. He nodded, and then she took a deep breath. “I was just gonna say its not the type of place Ransom would ever have taken me. He’d have thought it beneath him.” "I think that's the first time you've ever mentioned his name." He pointed out. "Yeah, I try not to. It's uh," he watched her as she struggled to start her story, playing nervously with the earring in her ear. "Complicated." He leaned on the table, his forearms crossed and supporting his weight. He wanted her to know she had his full attention. “Well, from what I know about him, which granted is only what I saw on the news or heard around Boston, he certainly enjoyed the finer things in life.” "That's one way of looking at." She chuckled dryly. "It wasn't an easy marriage, despite how short lived." "Well, I was with Laurie since law school and we still had our ups and downs. I don't think marriage is easy in general." Andy admitted. "I was with Ransom less than nine months before we got married. It, uh, lasted three weeks."

Andy paused, “okay, so granted Laurie and I were a whirlwind what with her falling pregnant so fast but... I’ll give you that one.” “A whirlwind?” She asked and Andy nodded. “Yeah, we hadn’t even been together a year when she got pregnant with Jake. Not gonna lie, I shit myself but...” he sighed, swallowing. “Well, he was worth it.” "I'm sure he was." She nodded. Andy cleared his throat. “He was a good kid, despite what he, well what he was accused of.” “I can’t even begin to imagine how that felt, for any of you.” She said gently. “Fucking shit.” He said bluntly. She blinked and then the pair of them laughed quietly. "I'm sorry, Andy. And I mean that in all sincerity." He sighed and gave a soft little smile. “Thanks. You know, for the most part it’s just happy memories. But then sometimes it’s hard...” he trailed off shaking his head, “but of course you’ll know that.” “Suppose so.” She shrugged. “I doubt our marriage was anything near as loving as yours. I, uh...well, Ransom was mentally abusive, very controlling. Getting married wasn't exactly what I'd wanted but, I felt trapped in a way." She paused as he listened intently. "I guess it's harder to explain than I thought." She bit her lip and then shook her head. “Then the asshole went and got himself killed.” "I hate that you had to witness that." She shrugged and her finger swiped at the condensation on the outside of her half empty beer glass. “It was a year ago today.” “Jesus fucking Christ.” Andy shook his head in shock as he took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.” “I’m not.” She sighed. “And I know that probably sounds awful but... I don’t mourn him, I can’t. Not after everything. I’m just glad to be away and out of it. Fuck, that makes me sound like a really cold hearted bitch.” She scrunched her nose and chuckled a bit. Andy cocked his head to one side, studying her face which was, despite what she said, laced with sadness and he took a deep breath. There was more to her story than she was telling him, he could see that, but he had his own secrets too. And he found himself realising he didn’t care. Moving away post the accident that claimed Jake and later Laurie’s life had been a way for him to leave all that shit behind. And she was trying to do the same. “Okay, let’s make a deal.” He leaned forward. “No reverse gear. We look forward and not back, at least not at the hard stuff.” It took a moment for her to process it, and Andy watched her expression behind her eyes as he did so. Then she smiled, "deal." Andy smiled as she reached for her beer. He watched her pretty face as she drained her glass, setting it down in the table before she leaned towards him. “Have you eaten? Because I’ve suddenly got a hankering for something greasy and very bad for me.” “Sounds like someone I used to work with.” Andy shot before he could stop himself and Y/N threw her head back in a loud laugh. “Lawyers for you.” “Hey, not all of us are jerks.” He pouted and she shrugged. “Jury’s out.” She winked. At that Andy raised his brows, downed the rest of his pint and then stood up. “Something dirty and greasy that isn’t an attorney coming up, I’ll grab us a menu.” They each ordered a greasy, filthy cheeseburger with all the fixings and two smaller beers a piece to go with it. They moved their conversation away from their pasts and talked music as the band played some songs they were familiar with. Y/N finding the perfect moment to joke with Andy again about his age versus hers, despite it being maybe seven or eight years. Neither seemed to mind.  Again, when the bill came, Andy slapped his card down before Y/N even had a chance to grab her wallet, which caused him to laugh loudly at her pout. “You’ll just have to get it next time.” “Oh," she smirked, "so that’s your game? You paid, so I owe you a next time?” He shrugged. “Would that be such a bad thing?” She bit her lip and grinned with a shake of her head. “No, not really.” “Good, I’ll hold you to that. And, as a lawyer I feel obliged to tell you that’s a legally recognised verbal contract.” “Uh, I’m sure there’s a rule that a social agreement made between friends is done so without an intention of being enforceable.” Y/N shot back and Andy felt his mouth curl up on a little surprised smirk. “Therefore no intent, no legal comeback. Your move, Counselor.” He laughed and shook his head. “Nope, I got nothing.” “In that case, I call recess.” She grinned. “Oh faahk off with the legal puns!” Andy snorted and once more she laughed as they stood up, their night at an end. He walked behind Y/N with a gentle hand on her back as she weaved through the tables on the patio, eventually ending up on the sidewalk out front.

"Thanks, for breakfast, dinner, drinks," Y/N shook her head, feigning annoyance. Andy smirked, "thanks for meeting me. You're not walking home are you?" "I can, it's not far." She replied, folding her arms over her chest.

"Absolutely not, I'll take you," he nodded his head in the direction in which his car was. He gave a small wink when she accepted his offer. He held the door open for you as you slid into the passenger seat of his Audi TT. You quickly realized that this was the first time you'd been in his car and the very first time he would see your doorstep. However, the thought of both those things didn't bother you one bit. In fact, you found yourself more comfortable than you'd expected.

All in all the drive was no more than five minutes, and if he hadn’t been going that way already, you’d have felt like a complete fraud, but he assured you it was on his way.

You helped yourself out but Andy waited for you around the front hood and walked you to your doorstep, lit by the lantern porch light your Home Owners Association contract insisted be up. "So, this is me," you sighed. Andy had his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and he rocked a little on his heels as he waited for you to open your front door. When you'd opened it, he scratched behind his neck and said, "so I'll see you Monday?" "Yeah," you agreed. He turned to go but you called out to him, "Hey, Andy?" He quickly turned back to you, his one foot on your stoop, the other the next step down, "yeah?" In a sudden moment of courage, you stood on your toes and placed a soft kiss to his cheek. His smooth cheek and the slightly rough yet softer than anticipated scratch of those dark whiskers, intermittent speckled with auburn, felt amazing against your lips. And fuck, did he smell amazing. Which you knew already from the tight and friendly hugs he'd seemed to start giving you. The first hit of his aftershave was always the same, dominated by a white-out of bergamot and pepper, a bright flash of sweet, dewy citrus that is both crisp and clean, underpinned by a freshness that was both light and gentle and completely different to the heavy sandalwood based fragrance you’d grown so used to. It was brief, but when you pulled back, you gave a content huff, “Huh.” “What?” He was clearly puzzled. “Your beard. It’s kinda soft.” “What? What the hell did you expect?” He laughed. “I dunno, maybe a toilet brush type bristle.” “You kiss a lot of toilet brushes Y/N?” “Try not to.” She winked. “Thanks again, Andy. I enjoyed today.” He chuckled and shook his head as he watched you turn back to your door and finally stepped inside your home. Before you closed the door, you turned back, noticing he was watching you go in. "Bye."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

**** Chapter 2

[butwhyduh]

Screaming

Jason todd x reader

Warning: ptsd and negative thoughts. Angsty.

Jason gasped awake and threw himself to sit up in bed. His throat was raw with screaming and he trembled. Death. All he saw was his death. No that’s not true. He saw everyone’s death. Dick’s, Bruce’s, Damian’s. Hell even yours despite the fact that had never happened. He saw them all in bright technicolor like he was really there. His hands found purchase in the sheets and he gripped them tight.

When you die, some people believe you see God or all your dead relatives in some kind of heaven airport. But really the light fades and you feel so fucking cold and alone. Every night Jason got to experience a little taste of it again. The nightmares were awful but the moments before realizing he’s alive and awake and still feeling dead and alone were horrifying.

His movement had woke you. You had fallen asleep in earbuds again. That’s why his screams didn’t bother you. You gently grasped his shoulder as you pulled them off.

“Jason, I’m here. Are you okay,” you said softly, treating him so delicately. Jason tried to control his breathing. You looked at him with such a concern that his heart wanted to break. He was already broken. His mind was so fucked up but you still slept in bed beside him. Next to a dead man.

“Are you okay, Jaybird,” you repeated. He nodded roughly but you could tell that he was still in his head. You pulled him into a hug. His arms wrapped around your body as he curled around you and his fingers clung to your shirt. His breath shivered against your neck.

“I’m right here. You’re okay. It was just a dream,” you told him in a low steady voice like the therapist taught you.

“Thank you,” Jason’s said after a minute. His voice sounded hoarse.

“Of course. Let’s lay back down. Do you want some water?” You asked and he shook his head roughly.

“Just... just stay,” he said holding tighter. You laid down in the bed and Jason laid his head on your chest. You ran your fingers through his hair until his grip relaxed completely and he fell asleep. Despite the fact that your presence was a huge comfort, it didn’t stop the nightmares. Nothing did.

——————————

“Jason, you can tell me anything,” said the therapist. She had a clipboard on the knee of her slacks as she sat back in her chair. “I know your life has been... unusual, but you need to talk to someone. Near death experiences are traumatic. Keeping all of that inside can be very harmful.”

“It was a death experience. Not near,” he reminded her. She sighed. “I was buried in the ground.”

“But you are here. That makes it near death. A little more complex but that’s what happens in Gotham,” she said with a shrug. “Everything is more complex here. I once dated a villain without knowing it until he ended up in Arkham.”

“I’ve got to ask who,” Jason said, happy for the distraction.

“I’m definitely not talking about it. This is your time. Let’s talk about something you do want to talk about. How are things with Y/n?” She said. It was Jason’s turn to sigh.

“Things are great.”

“Why the sigh?”

“Because I’m broken. I’m half here and half in the grave. She’s saving me from my dreams every other night. I worry she’ll wise up and leave,” Jason admitted.

“Sounds like she loves you. Have you considered that she wants to help you? Have you told her what happened? Have you opened up to her?” She asked. Jason’s hand gripped the chair tightly.

“No, I can’t. She’s too nice to know everything. I- I can’t. She knows I died and came back but not how or why or all the horrible stuff that I did afterwards,” he said staring at the ground.

“Do you worry that she’ll leave if she knows the truth?” The therapist asked softly and Jason’s head snapped up to look at her.

“Of course. Wouldn’t you?” He said. His face had twisted in anxiety.

“I do know the truth. I haven’t left. I still care about you,” she reminded him.

“You’re paid a shitload of money by Bruce Wayne,” he retorted.

“Language. He pays the standard fee like everyone else,” she said. “My advice? Talk to her. Let her know about your anxieties. You have a long journey with ptsd but you’ve healed so much these past few months. Don’t you see that?”

“I guess,” he said quietly but she was right. He used to have flashbacks in the middle of the day. He would flinch at anyone touching him. There was no way he would date someone. Things are better but not good.

“Talk to her. That’s your homework. Even just something small,” she said. Jason nodded reluctantly. He knew his therapist was right but it still sucked.

—————————

Jason came home to you in the kitchen. You were humming along to the radio as you cleaned the sink. He watched you for a minute as your hips swayed to the music. He couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight. You hadn’t noticed him yet.

Jason cleared his throat and you jumped before laughing. You put down the rag and smiled at him. He waved a bag of donuts and a tray holding two coffees at you.

“Well aren’t you a sight,” you said walking over and grabbing the tray. “Coffee and donuts. From the place on 9th?”

“Like I’d go anywhere else. Yours has the x for extra caramel,” he said. You kissed his cheek and he could smell the clean lemon bleach smell on you.

“Aww just like I like it, thanks Jaybird,” you cooed before sitting on the couch. He awkwardly sat on the coffee table instead of the couch. Let’s rip off the bandage, right? You looked up at him confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to talk to you. About... stuff. In my past,” he said and you sat back at the weight of it. He’d never wanted to talk about that. You sat the coffee on the table.

“Okay. Sure.”

“I told you that I died and came back and became Red Hood, right?” He asked and you nodded. “But I had a suit before I died.”

He played with his fingers and gulped. “I was Robin and I worked with Batman.”

You tried to control your shock on your face. He might take it as a judgment and you didn’t want that. He shuffled around with nerves.

“I died as Robin. I’m the dead Robin,” he said. It was infamous that one of the Robins died. And the death apparently was really bad. Closed casket and all. No wonder Jason had horrible nightmares. “I was killed by the Joker.”

He bent and grabbed his drink and took a sip. You placed a hand on his knee and he gave you a half smile. “You aren’t done are you?” You asked after a minute.

“My therapist told me to talk to you,” Jason said somehow sounding more nervous.

“Hey, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. It’s fine-“

“I need to. I... I worry that you’ll leave. That you’ll get tired of this. Me being broken,” he said and you inhaled quickly.

“I would never. You aren’t broken. You’re the best guy I’ve ever dated. I just wished you could see it,” you said cupping his face with your free hand. He frowned. “You’re irreplaceable to me. Truly.”

Jason held your wrist on the hand cupping his face. He searched your eyes for lies or doubt. He looked close to crying and it was hard to see.

“Jason. Worry about what you need to do for yourself and not another second of me leaving. I’m not going anywhere. You’ll have to throw me out. I’m spoiled with coffee and donuts. You aren’t getting out that easily,” you said with a little smile. He smiled lopsidedly back at you.

“Okay.”

“Yeah? Wanna watch Die Hard and lay on my boobs?” You said and his face split into a laugh.

“How did I get so lucky? Of course I want to. Boobs and Die hard. Pretty perfect pair I have to say,” he said pulling you down on the couch.

“Boobs or Die Hard?”

“Both,” he said snuggling close. You played with his hair as the movie started knowing he probably wouldn’t stay awake long. He needed to make up for his missing the night before. It wasn’t long until his body relaxed and you could tell he finally fell asleep.

You weren’t fixing him. You weren’t the answer to his problem. But you could be a light when he felt at the bottom of the well to help him crawl back up. A friend to lean on. A shoulder to cry on. And a lover to let him know that he wasn’t alone. That he was on the right side of morality. Someone good to see the good in him. Healing is a journey and he was so fucking grateful to have someone to there with him.

[zebani-x]

Closed Starter @calvinxlucas​​​  Location :  Hell’s Halo  When:  9th September after 11pm.

Two glasses filled with two different drinks were placed on the bar in front of Lara who gave a smile to the bartender on the other side as if to silently thank them.  Whilst Lara may own Hell’s Halo, and ultimately any huge decisions about the club would fall onto her, she definitely didn’t get involved the tiny day-to-day details. Instead of micro-managing, she relied on the manager who was paid to do that for her, but Lara still knew the staff well. Having someone else do the work for her allowed her to actually enjoy her time spent in the club she’d worked hard to build, and it was after all why she had started it in the first place. It was never for profit but for her to having something of her own. Something she owned in its entirety and was completely hers. Something to show for years of hard work after putting herself last, behind everyone else.  

Most people who had met Lara through her club met her as just another party girl. Easily misjudged – but considering how often she could be found with a drink in hand or on the dance floor among the crowds, party girl suited her well.

“What is this... the third time you’ve been in here in the last two weeks?” For all she knew, it may have been more, but she remembered seeing him amid the crowded main area at least that many times since Monday. One of the glasses in front of her was slid in his direction as she turned to face him, one arm resting on the side of the bar as she held the other glass in her hand.  “You looked thirsty.”

[fa-by]

Hello babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I'm back with a new ‘Q&A’ post. Sorry, it took me longer than usual. I'll explain to you at the end of the post. For now, enjoy 🙃

I've already talked about it here, dear Anon, https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194553804881920/%C9%9F (first question) and then here https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194746313031680/%C9%9F (fifth question).

And who said I think Camila is a lesbian, dear? 😏 Maybe you mistaken me for some other blog? Because, I've never said that, dear. I've never been asked about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You must be new to my blog if you're asking me this question, dear Anon. Welcome 🤗 and my answer is no, dear. Neither of them has ever cheated on the other. They're both way too loyal for that shit.

No, dear Anon. And always keep in mind that this is just my opinion and that therefore I could be wrong.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 First of all, thank you 🥺🥰 Thank you very much for your words, dear, you're super nice and I really appreciated it very much 🤗

As for stuck, we didn't fight or anything like that. I guess we just drifted apart 🤷🏻‍♀‍ even before she entered the Marvel world, but I can't tell you why she never liked and re-blogged my posts, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let's call it my flaw if you want, but I don't like any posts myself (not even my girlfriend's), but that doesn't mean I don't like many posts I see. It's just the way I am 😅 I leave comments every now and then though 😅 And neither does it mean I wouldn't like to interact with you guys if you ever want to contact me or tag me or get me involved in something. It may not seem like it maybe because I don't re-blog and put likes around, but trust me, it's not like that.

Going back to stuck, I really can't tell you why. I mean, I'm not her so I can't answer you. Maybe you should ask her directly, dear. @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland​

I hope you have a very nice day too, dear Anon. Thank you so much again, and please, be sure to take care of yourself too 😘

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and don't thank me, dear 🙈 It's really a pleasure for me to interact with you guys and help you in any way I can 😊

So. Yeah, I think what you think, dear. Mila was definitely the one to make the first move, but as far as putting aside pride and the decision to give it another try, it was something they both did because they each had their own reasons. Remember, dear, there are two people in a couple.

Hey dear sneaky little one 👋🏼😄 I'm good. How are you? It's a pleasure, dear, you don't have to thank me for that 😊

I'm not sharing them with you guys yet just because they're personal observations that not everyone can agree on and, as you may have noticed, I like to tell you guys what I think with real facts that I can prove. In this case, it would be like in this picture:

I hope that with this example you understand better what I mean, dear sneaky little one. Come back any time you want and take care of yourself too 🤗😘

Hey dear Anon, why are you so down? 😟 Don't be 🤗 I know it's hard to think positively about them, but think about everything we've endured so far. Think about how strong we are. Whatever's thrown at us, it won't change our minds because we know the truth. Now, come on, dear, smile 😁 Enjoy the small wins instead of having them ruined for you by the possible eventuality of them doing something. And remember, we're in this together 💪🏼

I swear to you that when I saw it, I was like 📢🔊 Your loving takes me higher 🎵 You set my heart on fire🎵 When you touch my body got me singing like Mariah!!!! 🎵🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

1) No, dear, you can't force something on someone who agreed to do things like this in the first place. I'll explain better. PRs are accepted by those directly involved, who then sign a contract. It's a commitment they're bound to respect from the moment they have accepted and signed the contract. If they don't respect it, they then have to pay the consequences (if you’re interested, I wrote a post about how PR relationships work here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F). I'll give you a silly example. Think of it as when one day you didn't want to go to school but you had to go anyway. It's pretty much the same dynamic because even if you didn't want to go that day, or several days, you knew you had to and you did. I hope it went well as an example 😆

2) Yes, but which of the two teams, well, that depends, dear. It depends on who's reaching whom and where. It depends on whether they're traveling together or not. And it depends on the purpose of that particular stunt, like if is some particular event or not.

3) No, dear, absolutely not, don't worry 🤣 Everyone has their own room. The rooms are very likely to be close together though, or at least on the same floor, that's for sure.

4) Yes, when possible, of course. The more people see the couple doing everything together, the more believable they seem.

Don't thank me, dear, it's really a pleasure 😊 Have a good day too ❤️

Not necessarily, dear Anon. Mila started work on her third album during the pandemic in her studio, so no one had to pay for her. Besides, when a contract expires and there's a re-sign, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an announcement will be made about it since the record label is still the same. Announcements are made if there's some kind of important addition, such as for example happened with 5H when they had to re-sign as a quartet for legal reasons with Syco/Epic, and it was only announced because of the addition of a contract with Sony Music as the sponsor for their last album.

Having said that: 1) Since her movie has been postponed again, I would say in 2022. 2) I really hope not because they would be really stupid to do it again. Plus, I don't think the PR will last until the released of her album. 3) I have to admit you made me giggle here, but no, dear 😂 don't worry. Producers, composers, songwriters, etc., work with a lot of different artists who have different styles. Mila’s nothing like Chimp, and she can’t do anything boring. It isn't in her blood. No pun intended at all there 😏🤣

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and you got it right, buddy! We think the same way!

They had gotten to a really bad point in their relationship. A point where they were no longer themselves, either in the couple or individually. For me, what happens in the Havana music video is what happened in reality as well. It was obviously told in an artistic and funny way there. Like the scene of Juan literally ‘coming out of the closet for her’ because he thought it was the best thing for their relationship. In that scene, he gets down on his knees to ask her to marry him, but in reality, at least for me, it represents December. It represents the ‘begging’ in a disguised and artistic soap opera way. It represents Lauren's last attempt to make things work between them. Which is related to the “You love me”, “I do love you. But I love me more” scene in which Camila leaves everything behind. And if you think about it, we can also find this connection somewhere else: 🎶 “Nobody talks about walking away when there's still love” 🎶. Always Love by Laur. Luckily, at the end of the video, she really is ‘took back to her Havana’ as it also happened in reality.

It's all connected, dear. There's a connection and an explanation for everything they do artistically. Just pay attention and you'll be able to connect the dots like you did in this case too. Give me a virtual high-five! 🖐🏼 And have a good day too, dear Anon ❤️

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and don't worry, I've been never asked that. So. Before answering your questions, let's take a look at the facts, okay? Especially for the baby Camren shippers.

Leilani is Dinah's aunt by marriage. She has always interacted with fans and we saw her in several videos even with Dinah herself, but the first time she showed herself to us as problematic was on July 18, 2016. Leilani tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift and apologized the next day by saying of having been hacked:

Yeah, suuure, because hackers around the world were waiting for nothing but hacking her 🙄 But let's move on. September 8, 2016, was the day Laur cried several times during the concert in Phoenix, Arizona. The next day, on the 9th, before the concert in Irvine, California, Laur tweeted to thank the concerned fans, and Leilani replied to the tweet by exposing L because of the ‘her’:

On December 21st, 2016, she did a live where she talked about Camren after fans asked her about it: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvandqF63c1ykfr3q.mp4  (I also put the sub in the video myself)

On January 8, 2017, she posted two Snapchat stories in which she spoke again about Camren with one of her nieces: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qval74yFz61ykfr3q.mp4 

On January 29, 2017, both Camila and Lauren blocked her on social media:

She continued to strike by attacking Camila months later. On July 13, 2017, the same day the 5H interview with Billboard came out, Leilani attacked her by basically calling her a whore. Tweet to which C replied with suspense dots and a Rihanna GIF:

On December 5, 2017, Camila posted the album cover and title by saying that the pre-order would've been possible from the 7th. Because of the album cover picture, Leilani attacked with the first tweet on December 5th, and continued on the 6th:

Then nothing else problematic.

Yes, of course she knew about Camren. All the people close to them know about Camren. Leilani has always been a person who likes attention. She has always liked to show off and be noisy and messy in doing so. It didn't matter how ridiculous she was or that her actions fell upon her niece. The fact that she seemed to be joking and that she was always so evasive and confusing on the subject, is because she herself knew she was going to pay the consequences. She could never have said “yes, they're real” and stick to it. Also because the one who would've paid the most consequences would've been Dinah. You know, being her aunt, it was like her responsibility. And I think D really paid the consequences for something she didn't do. At least, before the sharks took the reins and told her what to do (Leilani through Dinah). It’s happened to a lot of people close to them to get involved over the years. It has been noticed a lot more from 2015 onwards, but especially in 2017 to increase the story of the fake feud between the girls.

So basically, yeah, she was problematic and loud and messy and all of that, but for the most part, she was just following the script.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 welcome and thank you very much 🙃 My answer to your question is yes, they've been for a long time by then. You'll find more details on all of that dynamic below in the next ask, dear.

Kinda? 🤣 Okay, let me explain, dear Anon. There was no cheating if this is what you thought with my first answer. But let's go in order. I'll shed some light on the story with Luis once and for all.

Luis Santos' first appearance for us was on January 13, 2013 when Laur posted this picture on IG:

One year later exactly, on January 13, 2014, L posted this picture:

Then we have the one on February 24th (when the girls arrived in Miami because they had three dates in Florida for The Neon Lights Tour) and those of February 25th, 2014 after the concert (posted the day after):

We have the one of April 13, 2014:

The prom ones of May 17, 2014, which were the last pictures with Luis that Laur posted:

And lastly, we have Laur’s birthday one posted by Luis:

The latter lets us understand that their story officially began on January 27, 2014. We don't know when it ended exactly (let's suppose at the beginning of July) because we only had confirmation of it in August thanks to the explanation that Clara gave for that fake scandal:

Now. This is the official story. The one we should’ve bought. But let me show you the behind the scenes. This is Melanie Mueller, Luis's ex:

Luis was in a relationship with Melanie from early August (unfortunately, Luis and Melanie's profiles are all private, but not Melanie's old Twitter) until, according to the narrative, late November 2013:

And this is where the juicy stuff begins. Luis stated that he and Mel were no longer together:

The date coincidentally matches the beginning of his relationship with Lauren on January 27, 2014, right? Right. So how do you explain the fact that Luis and Mel were on a romantic date exactly 13 days after he said they weren't together anymore?

As you can see from the date, it was February, and weren't Lauren and Luis already together since January 27th? 😏 The funny thing is that they kept interacting and taking pictures together:

And then there's the best part. The Camren shippers went wild that year in replacing Luis's face with Camila's twice. The first one with the prom picture 🤣:

And the second one with April picture. Sorry, I really tried but I couldn't find the original manip. But don't worry, I have two better things 😏:

Ohh, I think we know, Mel 😎

And how can we forget one of the many things that remained in the fandom's history and which coincidentally happened just in February a week before the picture of Luis and Melanie's romantic date:

Now that I've given you proofs, it's theory time. We know about the friendship with benefits, the Like Friends Do situation that Camren had, and we know that Lauren was in denial. Luis was a shield. Her shield, especially for the public. It wasn't a PR created by the labels, but by Lauren herself. Laur and Luis were friends, and I mean, they still have been for years. Laur simply asked him for a favor and he accepted. Laur stayed in Miami throughout the Christmas period until the first week of January 2014 before flying to L.A. with the girls. It was then, in that time spent at home that she asked him, and despite knowing the risks, despite knowing he would face fans' hatred, and despite having a girlfriend, Luis agreed to be the fake boyfriend just to help his friend in need. I don't think she told him the real reason behind it right away, but she definitely told him once she and Mila finally got together. Laur came out to her family in early 2015, but it doen't mean she didn't to her friends before. Especially once she and Mila became official in April 2014.

So, dear Anon, yes, in a way, Lauren was with Camila and Luis, but in reality, she was never with Luis.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and that's okay. I don't mind helping when and if I can. It's not a problem at all for me 😊

So, as far as Lolo's situation is concerned, I honestly think Columbia has very little to do with her situation. I mean, Columbia is the biggest record label under Sony Music and has always had a lot of successful artists. From the great names that have made history to the most recent but still famous ones: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Aretha Franklin, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Adele, Alicia Keys, Ricky Martin, Pharrell Williams, Robbie Williams, Katy Perry, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Diplo, OneRepublic (Ryan Tedder), Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, Zain Malik, Little Mix, Calvin Harris, BTS, Lil Nas X, Meghan Trainor, etc., etc., etc. Believe me, there are really, but really many names that I haven't put in this list.

The purpose of a record label is to make money. To do that, the label finds an artist. The label decides if it's worthwhile for them to sign the artist by investing and advancing the money on them, and if the label believes they can make money with their music, then they don't think twice before signing them. So they invest in the artist, develop them, promote them through the artist's team, and distributes their music in exchange for a percentage of the revenues. If things go smoothly and well, there's a gain, but if things go wrong, the label loses money. [If you want to know more about how the music world works and what the girls had to go through, I wrote a post about it here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192055443619840/how-the-music-world-works]

Now, what did I mean by that? As I said before, Columbia is the number one, the biggest and most important umbrella music label under Sony Music Entertainment. So why on earth would a label as big as Columbia Records have signed Lauren and invested in her, but then thwart her and lose a lot of the money they invested themselves? It wouldn't make any sense because it would be like self sabotaging themselves! And what did I say is the purpose of a record label? To make money. Don't be fooled by anyone about it, dear.

I could have understood if this had been an isolated case; if Laur had been the only one among the girls (LAND) who hadn't released an album. But it's not like that. Something, and I'm 100% convinced it's something from their old contracts, has held all four of them up until now. We'll see, dear Anon. Sooner or later, the truth will come out because it always does. Even if it takes years.

Don't apologize, dear, really 😊 Hope things are great with you too and please, take care of yourself too 🤗

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

Nada is a song that is part of Tainy's EP called Neon16 Tape: The Kids That Grew Up on Reggaeton, and it's about how two people in an unofficial relationship want completely different things. The guy doesn't want anything serious unlike the girl.

Now. I understand why you're confused, dear. After reading the lyrics and thinking about Camren, you've surely wondered “Where the fuck is Camila in all of this? But does it have something to do with her, or not?”. Well the answer is no. You see, dear, we're used to hearing a lot more Mila's songs than Laur's. When Mila writes, she writes for herself. She writes from her point of view and according to her experiences. Same thing Laur does. But Mila, unlike Laur, can't write a song for other people. She can't detach herself from them when she's writing them. Take as examples all those songs she gave away after finishing them, like Anyone or Ain't Easy. When you listen to them, you can clearly hear Camila all over it even if the song is being sung by someone else, like in these two examples, Justin Bieber and Elijah Woods. But with Laur? Nah, because Lauren can completely detach herself from them.

Take More Than That as an example. Laur didn't write More Than That for herself; she just ‘decided’ to keep it (because it was okay for the narrative she had going on at the time). If she had really given it to someone else and then you had listened to it and knew she was the one who had written it, you would've thought “Really?” with a wtf expression as the first thing. Right? Because you recognize Laur in the song only because you know she's behind it. Am I wrong? And don't get me wrong, dear, this is not by all means a bad thing at all. I'm not saying this as an insult or anything. Quite the opposite actually. I think it's absolutely amazing. Think about it. It's basically the work of songwriters and ghostwriters who only work behind the scenes for other artists. Gosh, they're both so fucking talented 😍

Anyway. What was I getting at with this? To the fact that the same thing happened here with Nada. Nada was written by four songwriters and we have two different points of view to represent the couple in the story. The one of the girls, Laur and Cris Chil (she also worked and wrote with her for Lento), and the one of the boys, C. Tangana and Tainy (like Cris, he wrote with her and produced Lento). Now. I can't tell you who the real protagonist behind the story of the song is because none of them said it, but it's definitely not Lauren. Laur just went with the flow.

Before starting, I would like to also publicly thank my girl @romanticentropy​ for helping me with the translation (her first language is Spanish), so thank you again, my love 🥰 And I'm not talking about the literal translation. I'm talking about the real meaning behind it since the meaning of many sentences or words can change even based on a simple comma. Therefore, here below you'll find the real translation along with notes placed in parentheses with various explanations. I don't know if you speak Spanish, dear Anon, but we did this for all those people here who don't speak it so that everyone can understand the true meaning of the song.

That said, let's get started.

Verse 1:

“Como te arrimes sí te voy a dar

If you dare come close, I’ll give you [implied: my dick]

Me he puesto guapo pa' verte pasar (Yeah)

I got myself all dressed up to watch you go by (Yeah)

No me pregunte', no quiero pensar

Don't ask me, I don't want to think

No tengo tiempo, no me pue'o casar

I don't have time, I can't get married

Pero, puedo quererte de nuevo

But, I can love you again

Dejar todo el resto pa' luego

[implied because the two sentences go together: And] leave everything else for later

Quedarme pa' ti, que más quieres de mí

To stay for you, what else do you want from me

No odies al jugador odia al juego

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Yo no me he inventado na' (Qué va)

I didn't make anything up (Not at all / Of course not) [‘Qué va’ is an expression, particularly from Spain, that means something like ‘How could you have thought that? Of course not’ said in a casual tone. So, ‘not at all’ is a possible interpretation because he's reassuring he really didn't make anything up]

Sobrevivo en la ciudad (¿Qué?)

I survive in the city (What?)

Me la busco pa' ganar, cien monedas pa' gastar

I'm looking to earn, a hundred dollars to spend [In this sentence, the comma is very important because in ‘me la busco pa' ganar’ read alone, it means that he's finding his ways to earn a living or a better life. When you add ‘cien monedas pa' gastar’, it extends to ‘he's finding his way to earn $100 to spend’, but the comma is important because it keeps alive the idea that he's not only working for the 100 dollars, but also for a better life (possibly a rich kind of life, but that's not necessarily implied)]

Una cama pa' dormir, y un yate pa' vacilar

A bed to sleep in, and a yacht to show off on”

What do we understand from this? That he's actually the one who doesn't want to have a serious relationship because his goal for the moment is to earn and live a good life, not to settle down and get married.

Pre-Chorus:

“Tú ya sabías to' lo que había

You already knew what to expect / You already knew what the situation was

No me hagas cambiar, vida mía

Don't make me change, my darling [He sings ‘vida mía’, which means ‘my life’. Calling someone ‘my life’ is not used in English because it makes no sense in the definition of the language itself. So, in this case, it's translated and used as a loving nickname. As you could call someone ‘my love’, ‘my heart’, ‘my baby’, or ‘my darling’]

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight [‘Darle a alguien’, ‘to give to someone’ in Spanish has a sexual connotation. It means you're going to have sex with that person. It’s especially used from a male point of view; particularly this last line, he means he'd have sex with her all night until it's day again]”

He basically tells her: “You knew I'm an asshole. Don't try to change me because it's useless. The only thing I can give you is whole nights of sex”.

Chorus:

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing

Can't keep up with your vibe

'Cause you're up and you're down, 'round and you're 'round, babe

I can not read your mind

Conté lo' día' pa' volverte a ver

I counted the days to see you again

Y tú ni sabe' qué quiere' hacer

And you don't even know what you want to do

Cuando me vaya no voy a volver

When I leave I won’t come back

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing”

This is an ultimatum. “If you keep giving me nothing for much longer, I'll leave you without looking back”.

Verse 2:

“Yo no estoy para regalarte

I'm not here to please you [The literal translation of that is ‘I'm not here to give you’. The incomplete sentence opens an ambiguity where you don't know if she’s saying ‘I'm not here to give you anything’, or ‘I'm not here to give you things’, or ‘I'm not here to fulfill your wishes’, or ‘I'm not here to please you’, or things like that that make you understand that if he's not ready to pay attention to her right now and give her the love she needs, and he's clearly not because he's ‘giving her nothing’, she's not just going to wait there by begging for some love or collecting the crumbs that he leaves behind. She's saying “give me the love and the attention I need or I'll go away on my own”. So overall, ‘I'm not here to please you’ is a decent interpretation]

Ni tampoco para esperarte

Nor to wait for you

Ese dinero no te va a cuidar

That money won’t take care of you

No te pido matrimonio, yo sólo tu arte

I'm not asking you to marry me, just your love [That's the real meaning behind the sentence despite the literal translation being this: I'm not asking you to marry me, just your art]

Cuando no estoy ahí

When I'm not there

Sé que preguntas por mí

I know you ask about me

Sé por qué eres así

I know why you're like this

I know you're afraid of falling in too deep

We can pretend like we’ve only done this for the fun of it

Pero no te sorprendas si te enteras que así como tú hay mil

But don't be surprised to find out there are a thousand just like you around”

Basically: “I'm not asking you to marry me, just to have a real relationship. An exclusive relationship. We can continue to pretend that we just had fun, but I know there's something deeper. I know you're afraid of falling in love with me, but if you keep wanting this kind of relationship, then I'm gonna go find someone who wants the same things as me; also because there are a lot of guys out there and I'm starting to get tired of waiting”.

And that's all, dear Anon. Now that you know the real translation *thanks once again, mi amor 💖* , can you see anything that has to do with Mila? Because I don't. In fact, if I really have to find an association with Camren, the only thing that comes to my mind is that Lauren could have written some parts of her verse from Camila's point of view when they were still just fuckbuddies. You know? Since it was Laur who was initially in denial and was afraid, and not Camila. She was the one who was afraid of the idea of even liking Mila, let alone falling in too deep. But it's not like that. There's nothing of Camila here. There's no Camren here. For me, this song is the story of one of the three (Cris Chil, or C. Tangana, or Tainy) and Laur only contributed to it with her talent.

Of course I can, dear Anon 😉

So. Camila created In the Dark the day after going to the Grammys' after-party (February 12, 2017) with which she went with Ashlee as her date of hers. Mila said she got the idea for the song because of the encounter she had at that party with this unnamed famous guy. Yeah, sure, Jan. We know very well that this is not the case. Just as we know very well that that was the same night in which Tyren had their first public appearance as a fake couple. If you're interested, I've already explained all this also with proofs in my previous post: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/653296412485894144/romanticentropy-fa-by-hiiii-babies-and-dear (last question in my All These Years' interpretation).

If you don't mind, dear Anon, I'll start with the verses because they're the only parts of the song where Mila isn't addressing Lauren directly. In the verses, Camila just observes her by describing their surroundings.

Verse 1:

“Blank stares, faithless

Vampires at the same places

Shadows, traces”

Okay, let's talk about those types of parties for a moment. I bet that when you think about it, you picture a lot of celebrities having fun and dancing, glam, alcohol, drugs, music, and all those kinds of things, right? Well, that's just as true as it isn't. You see, there aren't just celebrities at those parties. There are one or more of they team members, there are A&R representatives of various labels, CEOs, publicists, producers, marketing representatives, radio and television presenters, reporters, designers, advertisers, etc., etc., etc. Those parties are the epicenter of business-talk. Very often, this is where ideas for collaborations, for PRs, for endorsements and sponsorships, for movie and TV appearances, etc., etc., happen. For those celebrities who have to be there for business reasons and not for actually having fun, those parties are pretty boring.

With those sentences, Mila describes all the people around her during that party. Those people who aren't having fun because they're surrounded by what she calls vampires. Before they marketed them by making them sparkle in the sun because of the crystals on their skin, or before they made them wear a gemstone in daylight rings, bracelets, and amulets to make them walk in the sun, you know? Before they become basically trendy, vampires were always the villains. But don't get me wrong with that. I saw the Twilight saga and I love love love The Vampire Diaries, but the fact remains that before all of that franchise, vampires have always been used in horror and scary genres because they're evil. Also because if you think about it, what do vampires do? They suck blood by basically feeding on the life force of creatures by draining them to survive and not decompose since they're undead. They need to take a life to keep living theirs, so yeah, they are the bad guys.

So Mila here describes both the bored people, the ones with blank stares who in those cases are the shadows of their true selves because they're pretending to be who they aren't, and those people of power as bloodsuckers, life-suckers: vampires. And I don't blame her at all because that's what they do. Vampires, or puppet masters, or parasites, or as you guys know I like to call them: sharks.

“I know that you feel me”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now. What does this sentence make us understand? Picture you're in a place full of people. Picture pretending that you're having fun because you can't show how much you actually want to be somewhere else. Picture smiling and forcibly laughing at the bullshit someone's saying. It's all about image. Now picture seeing someone you know amidst that sea of people. You and this person are far from each other, and at the moment, you both are busy talking to other people. Even though you turned around to keep having this oh so great conversation with those people, you can feel the person you know. You can feel their presence despite being on opposite sides. You can totally feel that they're still looking at you, and you have confirmation of that the moment you turn towards them again.

Apply all of this on Camren now. We know how they've always attracted each other. We know how they've always searched and checked each other when they were on opposite sides of a room. We know how they've always felt each other. So it's not that hard for me to picture how it went in this case. I understand what Mila means when she says she knows Laur could feel her despite the place and all the people around them. Because it's always been that way between them, and we've actually seen them do it many times.

Verse 2:

“Plus one, guest list

But you don't even know what her name is

Secrets, endless

I know that you feel me”

This is a repetition similar to the first verse. Mila here continues to describe the people around her and those around Laur. People who are there because they're on a list thanks to someone they don't even really know. People who in those events become totally fake because they all have secrets to hide, including the two of them. People who pretend to be friends with each other just for a matter of image without even knowing their real names, their real selves. People who are so used to wearing a mask that they've by now become that mask. And among all the sea of these people, Mila knows that Laur can feel her. Evidently as much as she can feel Laur.

Refrain:

“You’re runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' (oh)

Making the rounds with all your fake friends”

As I said before, many celebrities wear a mask, this facade for protection. They do it to show themselves as unproblematic and to show themselves almost as perfect in the eyes of others. If you think about it, it's the same thing we see in many celebrities and even in Camren when they have to promote something. Neither of the two of them has problems showing themselves to us in a vulnerable, authentic way, without make-up ‘al natural’. But as soon as they have to promote something, bam! Dresses, nails done, make-up, and hair. It's quite normal on the one hand. I understand that. But the problem, as Mila herself said, is when this fake persona takes over your authentic self.

In this part, Mila explains how she was observing Lauren's behavior. This facade that she was wearing because they were in that kind of environment with those kinds of people and those fake friends (yes, including Tabloid). This mirage that allowed her to run and hide her true self from everyone, even from Camila herself.

“Runnin', runnin' away from it (away)”

Especially in this part, and despite having seen her fake act many times before, Mila lets us understand how Lauren was 'running' and suppressing/hiding her authentic self in front of everyone. [I remember that period. Lauren didn't act like Lauren for a while]

You can strip down without showing skin, now”

Okay, this? This sentence right here, it's magic. It's pure art. “It's okay to show the realistic side of yourself without exposing yourself and also having to show your secrets or what you want to keep to yourself. There's no need to act like a completely different person from who you are”. Camila leaves me more and more speechless with her way of writing and expressing such true and profound concepts.

Pre-Chorus:

“I can see you're scared of your emotions

I can see you're hoping, you're not hopeless

So why can't you show me?

Why can't you show me?

I can see you're looking for distractions

I can see you're tired of the acting

So why can't you show me?”

The pre-chorus explains itself quite well. Mila's saying “I know you. I see what you're doing. I see your fear. I see the way you want a way out. I see how tired you are of this farce. So why are you faking it? Why are you faking it in front of me? Why are you faking it with me? Show me the real Lauren. Not this industry puppet. Show me the Lauren I know”.

Chorus:

“Who are you in the dark? (I, I)

Show me the scary parts (I, I)

Who are you when it's 3AM and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home? (I, I, I)

Who are you in the dark?”

Who are you in the dark? = Who are you when no one's watching. Who are you when no one can judge you. Who are you when you're alone and you can really lower that protective barrier you create around you. Show me that. Show me all of you.

Camila mentions 3AM because, as we well know thanks to their other songs, it was the nighttime hours when they were able to spend more time together freely. She also mentions L.A. to make a comparison with Miami since Los Angeles is the second city they spend the most time in due to their careers.

If in the pre-chorus Mila really asks her to show her her true self, here in the chorus she instead asks her a rhetorical question accompanied by the explanations themselves like the specific examples 3AM and L.A. to make/show her point even more. Basically the same explanation as the pre-chorus: “Who are you, because I know, I know you, so why don't you show me?”. And I really love this connection between pre-chorus and chorus.

Bridge:

“Darling, come on and let me in

Darling, all of the strangers are gone, they're gone

I said, darling, come on and let me see”

The difference between the pre-chorus & chorus and this, is the more affectionate way she addresses her. She's asking her in a cute way also thanks to the use of that classic old-school pet name, to open up and show herself. She's telling her that it's okay now that they're alone. And most importantly, she's reassuring her with this:

“Darling, I promise that I won't run”

After hurting each other, after the omissions and the secrets, after the fights, after the non-communication, after that toxicity, in short, after everything they'd been through in those years and the way things had ended between them almost two months prior, this is really serious. She's promising her that she'll stay. That's the first step, or at least what we know was the first step thanks to this song, towards a healthy relationship and towards a real positive change in their relationship.

And by the way, wooohh, this whole transition is amazing!

Outro:

“Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?”

And that's all, dear Anon. I hope you liked my interpretation 🙃

P.S. When Sinu said “Number nine is my shit!” during that live, I felt that. Mama Sinu was right. Even after all this time, this song is still the shit 😎

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Before I go, I wanted to apologize for this huge delay. In addition to my job, it was due to the fact that I'm in the middle of a relocation. For about two months for 21 years, I always go to a place by the sea for the summer. I'll be there from today and I'll be back in September. Unfortunately there isn't much connection there, but there's a single wi-fi. I don't know if I'll continue to answer the asks all together with a post or individually. I'll see how to organize myself once I'm there. I apologize in advance if I'll take longer than usual to reply, but at least you know that it's because there's not much connection there (and you have to keep in mind that I’ll continue working normally because I’m not on holiday yet). Everything will be back to normal in September.

That being said, always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[21u004]

fools / gojo satoru / april 9th, 2021

“what do you—what do you mean by that?” satoru asks you, hoping that he didn’t hear you right.

by now, his head is empty and all he’s thinking about is your words, silently praying that if he did hear you correctly, you’ll smile right after, laugh, give him a hug and an apology with how you’re just kidding.

but with the way you look at him, it’s slowly starting to feel real.

(it is real.)

he’s slowly starting to get convinced you’re serious, and he despises it.

(he won’t accept it.)

(he doesn’t want to.)

(he has to.)

“satoru,” you call, hands in cold sweat folded on your torso, trying to stop yourself from shaking and breaking in front of him. “you know what i mean,” you say, in an as a matter of fact tone.

he does nothing but shake his head. at an attempt of comforting himself, he assumes that he’s just really tired and a little dizzy that he’s beginning to mix up your words. it’s late at night after all. he knows it’s pathetic of him, but he does it anyway.

you really can’t be serious about this, he thinks to himself.

“hey, hey, all of this is—” he stutters, shaking as he steps closer to you. “—all of this isn’t real, right? you’re just trying to get back at me for all the time i’ve teased you, aren’t you?”

he forces a smile, but it’s quick to go away when he sees nothing but honest eyes.

satoru thinks you look wonderful even if you’re tired. your face, illuminated by the white light above you, the bags under your eyes obvious.

(yeah, you’re still stunning.)

the warmth in your eyes are gone when he looks in them. looking at you makes him feel chilly. it’s probably the lighting. hopefully.

hopefully it is, because he doesn’t want to look at you and hurt.

with the way your eyes blink slowly, he’s sure you want to sleep. still, he doesn’t ask you to rest and talk this with you tomorrow because he knows you won’t let him. it was now or never.

nothing’s changed in him, and the same goes for you. you’re both the same people as you were years before, still running away from reality.

“we don’t have to make this any harder for us,” it’s hard trying to keep your hands to yourself with the way he’s so close to you, tightly gripping your arms, kiss his lids, the gloss in his eyes tempting you to take his face in your hands, and wipe them away like every other time he’s had too much on his shoulder that he breaks down and bursts in front of you.

“why?” he frowns, because the least you could do was tell him why you’ve come to this decision, so that he can be better for you.

he can try to be for the next time you’re back.

(if you will ever be back.)

he pleads, because he doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

unable to look at him in the eye when all you see is them shining under the cold light of the lamp nearby, and not in a good way like four years ago, you close your eyes.

(it’s been so long.)

but even if you do, there’s no denying that the reality still lies in front of you, and that you have to deal with it. there’s no running away this time. it’s what led to this in the first place.

you coudn’t lie to him, and even if you could, that’d be too cruel for either of you. it’ll just end up on your list of things that keep you awake at night, and probably his too.

“we’re getting nowhere, satoru,” you sigh gloomily.

satoru’s always been one to fix problems fast, but that’s only with his job. there’s so much he’s confronted already, but he always finds himself hiding from and ignoring the ones with you.

it scares him—facing them—because his thoughts consume him and tell him that it’d lead to this. unfortunately, the other happens instead.

again, he feels pathetic.

“i’m asking you, what does that mean? do you—do you want to go somewhere? maybe you want to—”

“i want someone to grow with.”

his brows crease, eyes narrowing at you. “am i not someone you want to grow with?”

“satoru, no, that’s not what i meant,” you wince at his misunderstanding, “i just—i want to, you know. i want it to be you. so bad. but it’s not—we’re still in the same place we were back then.

"you’re still a child, and so am i. everyone’s moving on and we’re still at square one because—”

“who cares if we’re still at the start? this isn’t a race!” he retaliates, every single word carrying his frustrations he’s tried so hard not to burden you with.

“we can’t act like kids forever! we’re adults! you’re still in denial, and so am i!” you retort, having had enough of him. “we’re not improving or growing up!”

“so what if we’re not?” he fumed, flailing his hands in the air. “let them hate us! let them love us! who cares what they say? we have each other, don’t we?”

clenching your fist, it takes a whole lot of self-restraint not to punch his guts with how his words come out mindlessly. “‘we have each other’? are you hearing yourself? you’re not even here when i need you! but i am when you need me!

"and this isn’t about anyone else, so quit trying to drag other people into this! it’s not about a matter of being loved or hated, it’s about us actually getting somewhere and becoming better people!”

he scoffs, “oh, quit it with that righteousness stuff! it makes me sick! and you know why i’m not here when you need me? because i’m busy and you don’t even bother to tell me how you’re feeling! you make it like it’s some guessing game!”

“busy? made you guess?” you ask, incredulous. “you never paid attention to me in the first place! i’ve always reached out to you, but you’re always in your own world, arrogant and full of pride and forget that i’m even here! you don’t even ask about me at all either!”

“oh, so i’m arrogant and full of pride?” he points to himself in disbelief. “i never ask about how you feel? you don’t even tell me when i do ask! what’s the point of trying if there’s nothing i gain from it!”

“you’re unbelievable! and you– you– this is, this is what i mean! we’re still acting like children—you’re acting like a child!” you cry out, your throat feeling sore and scratchy from the yelling.

“there’s so much,” you take pauses in between your words, letting yourself breathe. “there’s so much more to us than what we are now, but we’re still the same because—” you stop midsentence, hesitant to say the words since it contains the truth and you two have always run away from that.

“because what?” his voice is much gentler and softer now, mellow and calm.

you swallow the lump in your throat. “because we’re scared.”

when he opens his mouth to talk, you’re already shaking your head no, exhausted and panting, despite being unaware of what he wants to ask before he even gets to make up his mind to find the right words for his questions and sentences.

don’t let him say anything.

just let him stay quiet and keep the peace.

maybe then you could both pretend that nothing’s happening. that there’s no problem at all.

so he lets the room wallow in silence.

he wraps both his arms around you, and rests his head on your chest.

your heartbeat rings his ear, and it’s still racing.

he feels his tears soak up your clothes before he even knows he’s sobbing.

satoru was insufferable himself, and so was seeing him cry. as a try at comforting him, your fingers run through his hair gently.

he’s always found it relaxing whenever you do that; it lulls him to sleep whenever he comes home restless, reminding him of the times you stayed awake until past midnight for him, telling him that there was good in this relationship.

but right now, it doesn’t help him calm down. he presses his face harder into your shoulder to muffle his cries yet they still resonate vaguely in the room, while a hand of his holds yours on his hair, steady and begging you not to remove it.

nothing about this was calming; the silence was only letting the tension build up, the stillness of the room stood as a reminder that there was no life to it already, and even more so by tomorrow.

the more that he thought of it—of how this was going to be the last time you’re ever going to do this—the more he feels himself going insane.

the night feels colder the deeper it gets, and you can’t let go even if you desperately want to.

it was presumably just the air conditioning. nonetheless, satoru doesn’t even feel warm to you at all. he doesn’t bring you the same relief as the beginning of this relationship of climactic events because satoru’s always been one to be big about things.

the sky in his eyes rain, pouring harder by the minute, pooling at your clothes and flooding on the floor.

if you stay longer, then you’re more likely to be convinced that you’ll be okay even if you’re going to be staying at the same place, regardless of how you’re conscious of the regret it’ll bring later. that as long as satoru’s here, then you’ll be okay, but you can’t be dependent on him.

how were you going to be, when even just a glimpse of him already feels so heavy?

“let go, please,” you whisper, only to feel his arms around you tighten. “gojo, let go of me.”

satoru has no idea how much damage he’s done until his name leaves your lips. what’s done is done, and no amount of regret will take it back.

he pauses, eyes widening at you, only to have them close again and shed even more tears.

“please, stay.”

he doesn’t care how desperate he seems, because he just doesn’t want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

but alas, your choices go against his wants, and he can’t always have what he wants.

it doesn’t seem like it to satoru, but he’s just as dependent on you as you were on him, and hopefully he learns that later on as you did yet kept to yourself way too long ago.

so he does as you say, because he’s doing what he wasn’t supposed to do: pull you back.

he caves in and presses your lips against him one last time, passionless and salty, a short sincere apology and wish that you find each other again.

the next day, he wakes up alone with sore eyes, a text on his phone.

geto suguru

how was the proposal?

[veiledsilver]

Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.

[ampleappleamble]

This is a long one.

Content warning: Mentions of child abuse.

—

Axa looked at Aloth sitting on the animancer's couch and wondered if, in bringing him here, she had made a mistake.

He looked utterly miserable: copper bands fastened just a little too tightly around his forehead and his wrists, too wound up with inner tension to even wipe away the bead of sweat slowly crawling down his temple, and Bellasege's cheerful, energetic demeanor as she bustled about setting up her equipment only served to further accentuate his misery. Kana and Pallegina paid more attention to the animancer than to their own traveling companion, inquiring about the procedure and the tools used in performing it regardless of Aloth's obvious discomfort, while Sagani and Edér fumbled awkwardly in their misguided attempts to distract him with jokes and platitudes. Overall, the room had an atmosphere suggestive of the future site of a terrible accident that, later, everyone present would claim they could never have seen coming.

Everyone but the victim.

Aloth's gaze met Axa's, silvery-blue eyes pleading silently, and she gave him the warmest, most comforting smile she could muster. "It'll be alright, Aloth," she reassured him gently. "We're all here with you."

Edér puffed on his pipe, bathing the elf in thick, odorous smoke while Sagani dabbed at his clammy brow with a scrap of cloth, her fox sniffing delicately at his boots. Kana ignored him in favor of examining the animancer's complex equipment, while Pallegina stood by the door, coolly observing the scene.

"Marvelous," Aloth muttered.

"Alright, gliente, we are ready now to begin!" The primary instrument Bellasege intended to use rather resembled a telescope, albeit one that bristled with gears and thick bundles of copper wiring, fixed into a tripod and focused on Aloth's midsection. The animancer peered into it eagerly, adjusting knobs and tilting it just so, all eyes in the room nervously darting between her and her subject, waiting for something to happen.

"First," she continued, "we must evoke this other presence in your soul, entice it into showing itself. And to do that, we must agitate your humors– stir up your essence, ac?" She poked her head out from behind the scope, beaming at him. "So! You will answer some personal questions so as to facilitate the emotional response necessary to draw out your inner turmoil."

Everyone's eyes widened as they turned toward Aloth, their eyebrows jumping up their respective foreheads. "Don't worry, dear," Sagani smiled, wincing as she patted his elbow. "We won't hear any of it, I'm sure." He did not look at her, and Bellasege waved her hand impatiently at the dwarf until she backed away from the couch.

Focusing again on the eyepiece of her scope, Bellasege pressed on. "Please state your full name, your species and stock, sex, age, date and place of birth. For the record."

He sighed. "I'm... I am Aloth Corfiser, Sceltrfolc, male, 62 years of age, born on the 9th of Préauton, 2760 AI, in the Cythwood, in the Aedyr Empire." He started off strong enough, but by the end his voice was wavering, his gaze flitting uncomfortably around the room, not quite able to stay on any one spot for too long.

"And at what time in your life did you first Awaken, Fentre Corfiser?" She somehow managed to take notes with one hand and fiddle with her scope with the other, her script messy and slanting severely to one side due to looking through her lenses instead of at what she was writing. "It is 'Fentre', ac?"

He glanced at Pallegina. "Is it?"

"It is," the paladin asserted. "Unless you are keeping a marriage secret from us, too. In which case, you would be properly addressed as Mestre Corfiser."

"Fentre it is, then," he sighed. "And to answer your question, I... I first Awakened when I was still very young, only fifteen or... thereabouts."

"Fractured at... the very cusp... of adolescence..." Bellasege made a quick mark in her notes, frowned, squinted harder into her scope. "...And what were your early years like, Fentre? Were you a healthy infant? A difficult child? Was your family splintered, abusive, impoverished, stricken with madness or malady?"

"I don't– I don't know what you're talking about," he stammered, frustration slowly coloring his pale cheeks. "I had a perfectly ordinary childhood. Nondescript, uneventful. What sort of a question is that to ask someone?"

Edér grinned. "The sort one asks a man who talks to a lady in his head, I'd reckon."

Axa glared at the farmer, stepping away from him and closer to the couch. "Not helping, Edér."

Judging from Aloth's reluctance in coming here in the first place, she figured they probably only had one chance at this, and he was never going to get anywhere if he couldn't relax and focus enough to be honest about himself. So she approached him until he was within arm's length of her, lowering her head to look into his face until he returned her gaze. "Here, Aloth: Try telling her about your parents. Your mother, your father. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you remember growing up with them?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Axa became aware of something odd stirring within her. It wasn't physical, it wasn't mental, it wasn't exactly emotional although it was closer to that than to anything else she could ascribe it to. The feeling reminded her of her final moments with Maerwald, how after she'd landed the killing blow and the old man's soul had seeped up and out of his physical body, she had been able to reach out to it somehow, to communicate her will to it and help it pass out of this world, away from Caed Nua and off to the Beyond. Aloth's soul was in no way preparing to do the same, but at the moment it was more... open to her, despite not consciously using her abilities as a Watcher, and she could see it in a way she ordinarily couldn't– and if she tried, she found she could very subtly influence it, too.

His soul was dark and stormy, a thousand thousand writhing violet wires all coiled and snarled around one another, but as Axa spoke her voice resonated within her like the toll of a bell, waves of calm emanating out from her to roll over the turbulent sea inside him, and she watched as the wisps of essence at the edges of his soul smoothed themselves, began to pulse gently in unison. Her eyes were still locked with his, and she dimly perceived his pupils dilating, his eyelids drooping as his soul untangled itself and allowed him to give voice to his thoughts at last.

"My mother," he murmured softly. "My mother is... away. She's usually away, tending to her duties with her thayn. But when we're together, when she's home, she's good to me." The muscles under his eyes and at the corners of his mouth tensed up, and his breath hitched in his throat. "I... I miss her. But that's what brings in most of the money for the household. Her haemneg to her thayn. So she's away, often."

Bellasege gasped. "I'm starting to see something," she whispered.

"My father... hates this. Hates that it's her, her and her other man, who are supporting his family despite his hard work and dedication to his erl. He... he drinks to escape that pain. In great quantity, and often. As often as she is away, but sometimes even when she's home." Aloth narrowed his eyes, lip curling into a scowl. "And he takes out on us what pain he cannot escape in drink. He... hurts her when she's home. Hurts me when she's not."

"Keep him talking," Bellasege hissed excitedly, twiddling a knob.

Axa could still feel the calm emanating from her, great waves flowing over to his soul on the tides of her voice, entrancing him. They echoed back to her too, it seemed, snippets of feeling and memory riding back on their wake– a man's voice booming through austere halls, fear and anger that was not hers churning her guts. "He hurt you the day you were Awakened, too, didn't he?"

"She was home," he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. "I should have been alright. She should have kept me safe. She was home, but he was sodden with it, and I–"

"Slow down," Axa murmured. "What happened exactly?"

"I– I was home, tending to my chores, sweeping the kitchen. Thinking about my training. I tried so hard, I always tried hard, but– but I was so terrified of failure that I couldn't focus, so my missiles weren't manifesting the way they should have. My flame shields were weak, unstable. Like me. And he must have heard about it." Aloth clenched his jaw tightly, his hands balled into fists, and Axa could feel something bubbling up within him, something in his soul raging and frothing up just beneath the surface. "I was sweeping the kitchen floor, and then– then I was sprawled across it, my blood was spattered across it, and I barely had time to think that now I'd have to clean it again before he–"

–can't even do that right, can you–

The disturbance in the depths of his soul spiked suddenly, making the tang of fresh blood and boot polish fill Axa's mouth and sinuses, the memory of his father's voice driving nausea and dread to rise up inside her like a malevolent fog. Aloth started to curl in on himself, drawing his knees up, hunching his shoulders.

–give me the respect I'm due if I have to wring it out of your worthless throat–

Aloth's voice was reduced to an agonized whimper. "It was then the beating truly began. I tried to protect myself, but if I shielded my front, he'd go for my kidneys, and if I rolled onto my back, he'd kick my ribs, stomp my belly. It was useless–"

–useless little shit, not even mine, is he, you whore–

"–useless. I was trapped, and he was... I thought he was going to kill me. So I... I did the only thing I could, and I... escaped in my mind. I took myself away from him, left my body on the kitchen floor, and I shrunk back into myself where he couldn't hurt me anymore. Where he could never hurt me again. And I... sh-she..." Aloth went silent, and his eyes whipped around rapidly beneath his eyelids, his fingers twitching and his jaw clenched so tightly Axa could hear his teeth grinding together. His soul thrashed and seethed, and Axa drew back instinctively, as though turning away from spitting grease.

"Madiccho, I'm losing it!" Bellasege bared her teeth as she furiously twisted her knobs, apparently to no avail. "He's managed to mesmerize himself somehow! His essence is all over the place. Tella, you've got to snap him out of it, quickly, per complanca!"

–stop it please stop he's our son our boy o gods you'll kill him you'll–

"Aloth–" Her heart leapt up into her throat, and before she could stop herself, Axa was reaching out to take his hand, holding it tightly between her own, desperately trying to bring him back to the here and now. "Aloth! Listen to me, you're alright, it's just a bad memory!"

For a second, it seemed to be working– his eyes stayed shut, but his breathing slowed, his shaking subsided, even his soul seemed to cool and congeal a bit, settling back into a more stable state. She squeezed his hand gently, her fingertips pressed to his palm, her thumb drifting over his knuckles. And after a moment, his fingers flexed weakly, tentatively gripping her hand in return. Something in her stomach fluttered, and warmth bloomed across her cheeks. "...It's alright. You're here now, and I'm here with you. You're safe–"

–it's over now, dear heart, you're safe, he's gone–

And with that, Aloth's eyes flew open, and very suddenly his soul violently rejected Axa's presence, severing her influence over it like slamming a door in her face. She jerked back in shock, his hand slipping from her grasp, and he dug his fingers into the meat of his thighs, knuckles white with tension as he glowered at the little woman.

"The lad's nere safe when I hap' upon him." His voice was low and husky and dangerous.

Axa blinked, looking at Aloth's eyes and seeing a stranger. "...Iselmyr?"

"Am damn sure nae yer Aloth, lass. Or could ye nae tell?" He smirked– no, she smirked, using his face, and a second later he winced, gasping and writhing as he struggled for control.

A cry of elation rang out from behind the scope. "Yes! At last! There it is: the anomaly in his soul, clear as crystal!" Bellasege jabbed at her parchment with her quill, consumed with what she saw through the polished adra lenses. "Fascinating! Please, Tella Mala, you must get it– get her– to engage with you further. This data is truly astonishing!" Even Kana looked mildly disturbed by the woman's enthusiasm for knowledge at the expense of Aloth's suffering, and he turned wide-eyed to Axa, grimacing distastefully.

She tried not to think about it. This was more for Aloth than Bellasege– much more– and though it was difficult for him, he'd be better off after all was said and done. "Iselmyr, what exactly brought you out in Aloth? Why did you feel you had to intervene?"

"Fer why'd ye think, ye wee daftie?" Iselmyr curled Aloth's lip into a snarl, glaring at Axa with barely contained rage. "The lad tellt ye whit his da were oop tae. When ye can hear naught but yer bones crackin' 'n' yer blood roarin' in yer heed, when crisis is nigh 'n' it's yer neck oan th' block– d'ye jess lie back 'n' let 'em snuff ye?"

Edér's pipe almost tumbled from his mouth, hanging agape with wonder. "Did anyone understand... uh, most of that?"

"Try to get them to talk to one another," Bellasege suggested, ignoring Edér entirely. "Interacting with outside influences is good, but interacting with each other ought to reveal exactly where one ends and the other begins."

"Can you do that?" Sagani knitted her brow, concern shining in her dark eyes as she studied Aloth. "And even if you can, is it a good idea?"

Axa leaned close again, carefully laying her hand on the elf's shoulder. "Aloth, can you hear me? Can you speak with Iselmyr? Ask her what she's trying to do?"

He groaned in frustration, planted his elbows on his knees and his temples between his fists. "What she's doing?" he snapped. "She's ruining my life, that– that damnable, stubborn–" He panted for breath, struggling against her, face red and veins throbbing in his brow. "Sticking weed–" he managed. "Worming parasite–"

And then he threw his head back, cackling, tossing Axa's hand from his shoulder as he did. "Fye, ye'd say th' same to yer wee kindled twig when it faws limp in yer haund!"

"Oof," Edér chuckled, shifting uncomfortably. "Guess that would be a pretty common problem for a fella, knowin' some lady's in his body, judgin' him the whole time he's tryin' to–"

"Not helping, Edér." Sagani echoed Axa's earlier sentiment, taking the man by the elbow and steering him away from the couch, Itumaak nipping helpfully at his heels.

"This presence in him, it... it's as though it pools in the recesses he's made in himself, it ebbs where he flows." Bellasege wobbled the scope to and fro, peering into it all the while. "Whether you meant to or not, Fentre, you've carved out quite the spacious little home for your other half!"

"That's ludicrous," Aloth hissed, outrage and humiliation burning his cheeks. "I give her nothing; she takes without asking, usurps me–"

"I only takes whit I need to keep us ou' th' scupper!" Iselmyr interrupted, baring Aloth's teeth, spittle flying from his lip. "An' I dinnae take wi'out givin', ken?"

Aloth blinked, then scoffed derisively. "What have you ever given me aside from trouble, you wretched bumpkin?" The back-and-forth was dizzying, but Axa was somehow managing to keep up.

"Fye, have lent ye a pair o' baws mair times 'n I can count," Iselmyr snapped. She turned Aloth's gaze on Axa again, his eyes wild and fierce with her behind them. "G'wan, Watcher-lass. Ask 'im whit I dae fer us. How last time that auld bastard da o' his lay his haund on us, I brek it in three feckin' places."

The triumphant grin Iselmyr had forced onto Aloth's face was replaced with an agonized grimace as he wrested control back yet again. "You had no right! That decision wasn't yours to make, nothing in my life was ever supposed to be your decision to make!"

"And Awakenin' in a wee scrawny jessie li' ye were nae my decision neither! But am here fer th' duration, an' am nae jess gonnae lie doon 'n' let ye get us both dragged behin' th' wagon!" This, it seemed, was Iselmyr's final word on the matter, and at last she once again fell dormant, relinquishing the reins of Aloth's body back to him. He sat for a moment, trembling and sweating and catching his breath, his ragged panting the only sound in the tiny, stuffy room.

The drunks outside the Black Hound, the cult in the catacombs, his father's vicious assault– it was all clicking into place. Whenever the meek, mild Aloth was threatened or overwhelmed, the bold, brash Iselmyr sprang forward to take care of it in his stead, although it seemed she also got him into as much trouble as she got him out of. Iselmyr was just as fiery in her defense of herself as Aloth was in his condemnation of her, but the more she thought about it, the more Axa couldn't help but think Iselmyr was trying, in her way, to defend him, too.

"Belfetto," Bellasege chirped, breaking the silence as she bounded out from behind her scope. "Excellent work, gliente! I think I have more than enough to work with here." She whipped her sheaf of notes out theatrically in front of her, her eyes scanning back and forth over them as she spoke, jotting down corrections and addendums here and there. "The second presence in the subject's soul– Iselmyr, as she calls herself– manifested most intensely during the, ah, more heated portions of their discussion. Her essence coalesced in its greatest quantities here–" she thrust her quill at Aloth's chest– "in his left ribcage, near his spleen. Therefore, she is obviously triggered by the production of black bile in the spleen, no doubt due to the profoundly melancholic nature of the subject." Bellasege beamed with pride at her diagnosis. The rest of the room's occupants stared at Bellasege with incredulity, exchanged worried looks with one another.

"Then by your... uh, logic," Kana ventured dubiously, "removing his spleen should... cure him?"

Aloth glared at the woman, eyes wide with disbelief at what he was hearing. "That... is utter horseshit," he spat, and Axa couldn't quite tell which of his body's occupants had used his mouth to say it.

Pallegina snorted. "That's one way to put it."

Bellasege's demeanor flipped in an instant. "Well! I'm certain you know exactly what's going on, then, given my extensive training in the animantic sciences and your having come to me for help. So do tell, Fentre: what is your theory?"

"I– You're seriously telling me to diagnose myself? Why did we even come here if you're only going to spout nonsense?" Aloth sounded more panicked than angry, and he turned to Axa in desperation, silently imploring her.

And she obliged, stepping between the injured animancer and her insulted subject. "If I may? I think, perhaps, you're closer to the truth than my friend is willing to admit, Bellasege." The animancer raised an eyebrow, gesturing for Axa to continue even as Aloth huffed indignantly behind her. "You were onto something when you suggested an emotional trigger for Iselmyr's usurpations, but from my experiences traveling alongside him and his retelling of his personal history– including the very illuminating account we've all just heard– I'd posit that Iselmyr tends to emerge when Aloth is in danger."

She half expected an argument, but both Bellasege and Aloth remained quiet instead, considering her words. "I... suppose that theory could hold some merit," Bellasege murmured after a beat. "You do know him better than I. However, I'll have to cross-reference it with other research, of course."

That seemed to shake Aloth out of his reverie, and he nervously began picking at the copper bands on his wrists. "That's all well and good for you, but I've waited fifty years for some answers. Can't you tell me anything now?"

"Aloth, this isn't the first time you and Iselmyr have spoken like this, is it?" Axa spoke softly, carefully. She had an idea, but she needed to ease him into it or he'd reject it outright.

Difficult, isn't he? Remind you of someone? The thought popped into her head as she remembered his hand, warm and trembling in hers, but she pushed it away.

He gave the little woman a guarded look. "Not exactly," he admitted. "I've been forced to be... discreet about her very existence up until now, so whatever disagreements we've had in the past have tended to be resolved quickly, by necessity. Not that it ever did me any good."

"But she has. You told me yourself your father was never violent with you again after Iselmyr gave him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe her methods aren't exactly what you'd choose for yourself, but you can't say she doesn't get results." Axa shrugged and gave him a hopeful little smile. "It might be worth it to... collaborate with her a little more. Let her in, try things her way."

"Yeah," Edér piped up, grinning, "she's alright. And if she starts somethin' you can't finish, you know we've got your back."

Aloth rose from the couch, rubbing his wrists and scoffing at Axa's words. "You wouldn't say that if you'd had to listen to her deranged ranting day and night for the past five decades." He cast a baleful glare at the discarded copper bands on the couch, but when he turned back to her, his face was thoughtful, sincere. "Regardless, this has been... quite an enlightening experience. In many ways. Thank you, Axa." He smiled at her, and her face went warm again.

"Ac, Tella Mala, agracima!" Not one to be ignored, Bellasege slapped her notes down on her desk and strolled over to her scope, preparing to disassemble it. "I'll be sure to make mention of your assistance in my report, send you a copy once it's published. Although unfortunately I will be unable to credit you as a co-author. You understand, of course."

Aloth's head whipped around to face her. "Report? Published?" He looked as though he'd just been sentenced to hang.

"But of course, Fentre Corfiser! This is science, not fun and games." She smiled at him like a cat with a cornered mouse. "You'll be the toast of Revua, rest assured!"

He balked, his face pale and drawn until a familiar crooked grin crawled across it. "Lookit ye there, shimmerin' star o' the soul sciences," Iselmyr quipped. "Jest whit ye've always wanted."

—

[revengeoftheantichrist]

From Eden

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, snakes, secret identity, stalking

AO3  <<<Previous 

Chapter 2

Michael spent the evening trawling through the sanctuary database to look for the girl. With no name to go off, she was quite difficult to find. He did eventually find her. Her name was Y/N. His hunch earlier was correct, she was a scientist that worked in the Eden system. One of the applicants selected in the guise of an internship at Kineros, but as far as you were concerned, you were at the right place at the wrong time. Michael noted that your ID picture hadn’t been updated since you had arrived all fresh faced, he knew from the fact that your hair had grown a lot more than the picture. He transferred all your information to his personal device; your role and shift timetable, your room number, even health records. Everything about you was in the palm of his hands. The records showed that you were not one of the candidates for the next round of the repopulation programme, another resident mustn’t have caught your eye; this was perfect. He never paid attention to where his food or amenities came from, he didn’t have to he was the king of the new world. All deliveries to the 9th floor were seen to by Ms. Mead. When asked, she told Michael that the girl was the one responsible for hand delivering his fruit every other day. ‘Maybe that’s why it tastes so sweet’, thought Michael to himself. Hoping to catch her on her shift, the next afternoon, Michael headed up to Eden. //// Your favourite shifts were those in the afternoon; there was no rush and you could work at your own pace today. The sun shone bright and warm, and it was quiet. Your hair was tied back with a silk scarf, a basket at your hip waiting to be filled with fresh apples. You reached up to pick the next one and screamed, dropping the basket. Something had slithered up your arm. A snake. There was a snake in Eden. This was not good. It indicated that there may be a breach of the biome walls, that it wasn’t sealed properly. This crack could tear down the system that had been so carefully crafted and maintained. You had to get to the manager; this problem needed to be sorted before the food supply was compromised. The snake had coiled itself around your wrist, squeezing enough to keep himself in place, not making any moves to harm you. It was juvenile black ball python. It definitely should not be in this part of the world. As far as you were aware no one had snakes as pets downstairs. You turned to pick up your basket, instead you were met with the sight of expensive leather shoes. You looked up. There stood a man you had never seen before. Smiling down at you. He wore black slacks and a billowy white shirt. “uhm, can I help you?” who was he? Maybe the radiation had gotten to you and you were seeing angels now. “don’t be afraid,” he replied. You grabbed your basket and stood, one of the apples rolling to his feet. He picked it up and bit into it, the crunch echoing through the biome, juice dripping down his chin. He held it out to you, an offering. “I’m fine thank you. I don’t take fruit from strangers.” “if only Eve had taken the same advice,” he mused. “Who are you? I’ve never seen you up here before,” you cut straight to it. “an inspector from the lower floors. Just making sure nothings being tampered with,” he answered. He took another bite of the apple, licking up any juices that surrounded his lips. You were mesmerised by the way his mouth moved. You were distracted enough to not notice the snake moving into one of your pockets. “Inspector? Jeff and Mutt usually come up here by themselves. Do they have a little errand boy now?” “errand boy? Do you speak to everyone who’s above you in rank like that?” You stared at him. “the only person that scares me in here is Ms. Mead. Even then she likes me, so.” “not even the king scares you?” “I can’t be scared of someone I’ve never met or seen,” you finished. He held his hand out for you to shake, you hesitated before shaking it; it was soft, unlike your rough hands from all the labour you did. “I’m Adam,” he introduced himself. “I don’t believe you, but, I’m Y/N.” “Always good to be cautious. I will be observing your work up here for a few shifts. However, it is to remain a secret, as it’s a secret inspection. Understood?” You nodded; you didn’t want to mess with him. “I have to get back to the manager, my shift is over now,” you pointed to the work exist. He smiled and waved you off, you speed walking to your next station; his eyes burning right through you. Two snakes had slithered into Eden that afternoon. //// “Dude! I told u. If im gonna make babies with anyone, she gotta be hot AND clever.” Michael could hear Jeff and Mutt before walking into their lab. The pair were looking for potential matches for their own reproduction needs, wanting to be on the next round of the repopulation programme. “What are the pair of you yapping about,” Michael snipped out. “Jeff’s being picky man. VS models aren’t good enough for his spawn,” he snorted out. “Dude the only person to fit that description is that hot grey scientist upstairs.” Michaels ears perked up; they couldn’t be talking about Y/N could they? “Who? Y/N? You’re right bro, she’s hot, funny and clever.” Jeff replied, between snorting lines. He was right Michael thought. He thought you looked like a doe in the forest while he was watching you from afar. So gentle with all the work that you did. The artificial sunlight making you glow. You had an intelligence and gentleness he hadn’t seen in five years; the people down here were far too shallow for any of those traits. Your humour had been refreshing, no one had the balls to talk to him like that anymore, not since his Hawthorne days. But what angered Michael was that he wasn’t the only one who could see it, everyone else could too. The fact that Jeff and Mutt had spoken to you before, that you were on a first name basis, infuriated him. You didn’t even know who he was. “err, you alright boss? You’re kinda glaring holes into us,” Mutt snapped him out of his daze. As Michael looked up, your profile was up on Jeff’s screen. With a subtle snap of his finger, he turned off the screen. “I suggest you stay away from greys when considering matches, I’m sure my father won’t be happy. However, I may offer up some of my harem girls, no need to keep them sitting around if nothing’s happening,” he said, tuning on his heel and walking out. As if satan cared who you fucked. //// Today had been a strange day to say the least. It wasn’t common to meet beautiful strangers around here, but here you were. All perimeters had been inspected, there was no sign of a breach anywhere. The snake had also gone missing, making you think you might have dreamed the last half of your shift. You settled for the evening in bed, surprisingly comfortable considering your rank. The greys were all abuzz this time of year, as it was ‘reproduction season’ as you called it. It was a chance for them to change ranks if they matched with someone above them. You didn’t care too much. No one had ever caught your eye enough. Yet you drifted of thinking about the blue-eyed stranger, dreaming of cherubic children. You didn’t notice the snake slither next to you, watching you sleep.

Next>>>

[falcqns]

an apostles redemption

Pairing: August Walker x OFC (Grace Walker)

Warnings: fluff, swearing, family angst, mention of nuclear weapons and firearms, facial injury, mention of anxiety disorder and anxiety attacks, implied smut 

A/N: hope you enjoy!

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three |

Ragged Night 

When Grace awoke the next morning, August was not laying next to her, as she had hoped. When she sat up, shed noticed Kal wasn't in his bed either. She put on some socks, and headed down the stairs to find her husband and dog.

He wasn't in the kitchen or living room,  but the door to the basement was open, and Grace immediately knew where he was. He was in the gym.

She ventured down the stairs, and into the large home gym. August was wearing a grey muscle tank and red gym shorts, with his Adidas running shoes on his feet. He had his red boxing gloves that were monogrammed with the words 'The Hammer', a Christmas gift from Erica Sloane. He was aggressively punching the punching bag hanging from the ceiling, his AirPods blaring some type of heavy metal.

Kal was laid by the mirrors opposite August, watching his dad take out his energy on the bag. Kal's ears perked up when Grace walked into the room, and stood up to go and get pets from his mom, which alerted August that he wasn't alone anymore.

He turned his head and smiled when he noticed Grace. He took out his AirPods and placed them back in the charging case, before walking over to give his wife a kiss.

"Good morning, love," Grace said, as she wrapped her arms around her husbands sweaty midriff.  

"Good morning," August responded, as he took off his punching gloves.

"I'm going to make breakfast, so why don't you go and shower and we'll eat together?" Grace offered. August smiled. It had been weeks since he had had his wonderful wife amazing cooking.

"Sounds good to me, angel." He pressed another kiss to his wife's lips, before Grace led Kal upstairs with the promise of food. August cleaned up the gym from his morning workout, and headed up to their shared bathroom. He had wished Grace would join him, but he knew she didn't trust him enough for that amount of affection. August understood, and was going to do anything to earn that trust back.

He had a quick shower, and put on a t shirt that had Geralt of Rivia on it, from his favourite video game, The Witcher. He also pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants, and made his way down stairs, following the smell of bacon.

He walked into the kitchen but stopped in the doorway. Grace was stood at the stove, tending to their food. Harry Styles was playing from her phone, the sounds of 'She' echoing through their large kitchen. Two plates were sitting on the island, and there was a stack of books sitting on the same stool where he sat last night while Grace stitched him up. He walked over, and picked up the books, looking through them.

'What We Owe To Each Other , T.M. Scanlon,

A Treatise Of Human Nature, David Hume,

Groundwork in the Metaphysics of Morals, Immanuel Kant,

No Exit, Jean Paul Satre,

Fear and Trembling, Soren Kierkegaard,

Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle.'

Ethics books. He knew these books were in the house, as he gave them to Grace for her birthday. She loved The Good Place, and wanted to know more about ethics, so August bought her all the books mentioned in the show, and she had read them all. He knew he would have to read ethics books when he came home, but he didn't expect it to start so soon.

Before he could think about anything else, Grace turned around, and emptied eggs on both of their plates, and smiled at him.

"You look much better," She said, as she turned back to the stove to grab the pan with the bacon.

"I feel better, other than I'm hungry, and my face stings a little still." He said.

Grace placed the bacon on their plates, and walked over to the medicine cabinet. She grabbed the creme she had put on his face last night, and handed it to him.

"My hands are dirty from food, so just put this over the whole scar tissue area. It'll help it heal and help with the pain." He nodded, and did as he was told.

A few minutes later, his face didn't sting anymore, only a cooling sensation, which felt amazing.

They were sat at the breakfast booth, with Kal laying underneath, on their feet.

"August, I have to tell you something," Grace said nervously.

"What is it?" August replied, slightly afraid of her response.

"Sloane is coming over today, with Hunt and his team."

He immediately dropped his fork. "What? Why?"

Grace immediately recognized he was starting to panic, and she reached over and grabbed his hand.

"I'm doing it to help you. I'm going to sit them down, and I'm going to explain to them that you want to redeem yourself and that you will do anything to win back their trust."

August stood up to pace, which scared Kal, who nuzzled his head into Grace's lap.

"What if they shoot me?" He asked.

"You know that I don't allow weapons in the house, other than our shot gun. They are aware of that rule too, and will not be bringing any weapons. It's going to be fine, Auggie."

August felt his anger bubbling up. "How can you be so sure Grace? How?"

Grace stood up, got in his space, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She decided to ignore the face that he called her by her actual name. "Because, you're going to go into the basement and stay there. I am going to tell them that you are alive and willing to do anything to earn back their trust. I will tell them that they are allowed to be mad at him, but to at least allow you to try and prove yourself. I know that Ethan is going to be the first one to trust you. You need to be his friend."

August rolled his eyes, sighed, and then placed his bandaged forehead on to hers. "Okay," He agreed. "When do they get here?" He asked as he pressed a kiss to her cheeks, which make Grace blush.

Grace glanced down at her Fitbit. "It's only 8:30, they're not coming until noon, so we have a few hours. During that time I want you to start reading," She said, unraveled herself from August, and walked over to where the books laid.

"We'll start off with Scanlon. You don't have to read this whole thing today, but I want  you to read as much as you can while I go and get groceries." She said, handed him 'What We Owe To Each Other', and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she headed to the door to the backyard to let Kal out for a pee.

He nodded at her and took the book into the living room to begin to read, clearly not hungry anymore.

'We all believe that some actions are morally wrong. But when we claim that an action is wrong, what kind of judgement are we making? Judgements about right and wrong cannot be straightforwardly understood as factual claims about the empirical world or about our own psychology. Yet they do seem to make claims about some subject matter, claims which are capable of being true or false. Moreover...'

'God this is going to be a long few hours,' August thought to himself, as he began to read.

Grace finished eating, peeked into the living room where she saw her husband reading the book, and she smiled to herself. She grabbed her keys, and left the house. She made sure to lock the door behind her, so no one who wasn't invited could get in.

She religiously checked her security app on her phone to ensure Augusts safety, and to her surprise, he continued to read the book. She knew he didn't want to read moral philosophy and ethics books, but she also knew that he realized he had to if he had a chance to gain back not only her trust, but his country's as well.

She grabbed all the essential groceries she would need, as well as a few treats for August. She decided to reward him for his good behaviour, much like a child, but she knew that would work.

August did not have a good childhood. He was an only child, but his parents barely paid attention to him. His dad also worked in the CIA, and was killed when August was 8, just a day before his 9th birthday. His mother became distant and cold almost instantly, and told her little 8 year old that 'she had nothing, and no one left,' after her husband died. August tried to please her the best he could, but nothing he ever did was good enough for her. On his 18th birthday, he had had enough. He told her that he didn't appreciate that she was not a good mother to him. That nothing he ever did was good enough. That he always had to do hard physical labour, and wasn't able to enjoy his teenage years. His mother, on that same day, told him that she wished he had died instead of his father, as she could replace him, but not her husband.

August didn't  forgive her for many years, and he still fully hadn't. He talked to her on her birthday, and only to wish her a happy birthday. The only time she was proud of him was when he joined the CIA. He had joined to figure out who killed his father, and subjected him to so many years of abuse and neglect.

Once he found out his father had gone rogue and was killed by the IMF, he became angry, and shut himself off from everyone in his life. He became what the world see's today. The Hammer. The guy who gunned down every single Syndicate agent he came across. The man who almost wiped out India, Pakistan and China, with two nuclear bombs.

Sometimes Grace couldn't believe how different their lives were before they met. Grace grew up in a loving and nurturing household. Grace was the youngest of four, her older sisters Melissa and Julia, and her big brother Rick. Melissa had moved out before she was born, but Julia and Rick were still in school, and both living at home. The only trauma that she had experienced in her life was when Julia was kidnapped, and she moved in with her sister Melissa so her mom could focus on finding Julia, and she was only 6 years old. Her sister was found soon after and everything went back to normal.

She had noticed August had severe childhood trauma just 5 weeks into dating. It was the first time she had spent the full night with him, and he woke up in a cold sweat, and screaming. He was inconsolable for multiple minutes, and only when Grace got him water and rubbed his back, did he calm down. He told her a little bit about it, but only his fathers side, not about his mothers abuse. His mothers abuse came out when they were planning their wedding, and Grace kept bugging him to invite his mother.

'"She's your mother August! She has a right to come and see her son get married!'"

"That doesn't change the fact that her and I don't get along, and I don't want her ruining our day."

"Why? Why don't you get along? She's your mother, she loves you."

"NO SHE FUCKING DOESN'T! I HAVE NEVER, IN MY ENTIRE TIME OF BEING ALIVE, HEARD HER TELL ME SHE LOVES ME! THE LAST CLOSE TO 'I LOVE YOU' WAS 'IM GLAD YOU JOINED THE CIA TO MAKE YOUR FATHERS MEMORY PROUD'! SHE NEVER WANTED ME, BUT WAS FUCKING STUCK WITH ME AND SHE MADE SURE I KNEW THAT!"

Grace immediately stood up and enveloped him in her arms. She felt his head hit her shoulder, and his sobs began to spill out.

"It's okay my lovely. I love you. I'm sorry you went through that, but the beauty of being an adult is you can make your own family. It's going to be okay."'

He had never expressed himself like that before, and Grace knew that marrying him would have its challenges, and the challenge she was currently facing was the biggest of them all.

She wrapped up at the store, and headed home. While she drove, she attempted to figure out how she was going to explain to Sloane and the IMF that August deserved a second chance, when she didn't fully trust him again yet. Although, he had begun to prove himself worthy of her help, even in less than 24 hours.

Just before pulling into the driveway, she remembered she needed to check the mail. She drove to the mail box, and checked their slot. There were a few bills, other junk mail, a package from Amazon for Grace, and package from Julia, which was also for Grace.

Her and Julia had stopped talking after she got engaged to August, who Julia didn't trust. Every once in a while, though, she would get letters and packages from Julia on holidays, and sometimes it would be something to give to Ethan. She put the mail in the passenger seat of her car, and headed back to the house.

She arrived home, and August took a break from reading to help her with putting away the groceries. She managed to hide his treats from him, and locking them up in a a secret compartment she had installed in the pantry while he was in Kashmir. She felt that if he knew she bought those for him, he wouldn't earn it.

She gave August a hug and kiss, told him she was proud of him, and went to her office to work on a binder to help Auggie, the package from Julia in tow.

She made a book tracker, and even made assignments based on the books he'd be reading, and what he'd be learning. She would add more when and if Sloane told him what he needed to do. He had a long few months, or possibly years ahead of him, and he would need all the structure, support and love he could get. She thought about reaching out to his mother to let her know that her son was not dead, but decided to wait and ask August, although she knew what his answer will be.

Her gaze drifted to the package, and decided to open it. She ripped the tape off, and the folds popped open. On top was a letter, labeled with Grace's name. She opened the letter and read the contents.

'My angel Gracie,

I heard about August, and I'm sorry. I know I never trusted him, but that's not why I'm writing.

I've been in your place. Maybe not exactly, but I've lost a husband too. It sucks. I can't imagine the pain and heart break you are feeling right now, and I wish I could be there with you.

I was in Kashmir at the time, and he looked very determined. I know that's not what you want to hear, honey, but I thought it was important to tell you. He also gave me a letter to give to you, which I've included. I don't know what it says, I didn't read it. I want you to know I'm back in the States, at Mom's house. If you want to visit, or if you want us to come to you, we can. Just let Mom know, okay?

I love you sweet girl,

Julia'

Grace felt tears fall onto her cheeks. She didn't know what to think. Finding out her sister knew what August was planning should have made her angry, but it made her sad. She placed the letter down on the desk, and picked up the other letter, which was labeled 'Baby girl" which was August's name for her.

She opened it, and began to read.

'My sweet angel.

I love you, baby. I'm so sorry for what I'm doing, and I know it means I may never see you again, especially after you find out I did it. I don't want you living in a world that is this cruel. You have so much of your life ahead of you, and you deserve the best.

I won't be coming home. You will get everything. The house is paid off, the cars are paid off and there is several million dollars in our bank account, provided to me by the Syndicate and Lane.

They will not hurt you. They will not touch you. Sloane and I had an agreement that if I was to be disavowed or killed, you would be protected no matter what. Both you and I know that if anything were to happen, Ethan will do anything to make sure you stay safe.

I never wanted to hurt you, and I know I promised not to, but I have to do this. I love you with my whole heart. I wish I could have given you a family like you wanted, but I couldn't bring a child into such a world.

You will never forgive me, but let me tell you this.

Julia is here, and I will make sure she is safe. I will try to get her to come with me, but there's no promises. I understand she could never trust me, and never will. I never wanted to hurt you or your family. I'm so sorry my love.

I hope you have an amazing life, and find someone who can love you like I couldn't, and gives you what I couldn't. I love you with all I am baby, and you'll be the best mama ever, when your time comes. Give Kal all the treats for me, and tell him that his Daddy loved him.

Auggie.'

Grace had tears pouring down her face now. All he was trying to do was protect her, but he was doing it in the wrong way. She wished he could see the good in himself, but he just wasn't there yet. He would be one day though.

There was also a picture of Julia and her on the day she was born. On the back, in Julia's handwriting, said:

' You and me on the day you were born. You were so innocent. I prayed you would stay that way. The moment I held you I told myself I would never let anything harm you. You're so special to me, and I love you angel. You're my favourite sibling, but don't tell Rick, he doesn't know ;)'

Grace giggled, and placed the picture on Julia's letter. It was pretty obvious to everyone that being the youngest, Grace was the favourite to all her siblings.

Julia had also included some other pictures throughout her life, like Julia's grad from med school, Grace's high school graduation, and their trips to Disney that they took. Julia had included some Kashmirian snacks and a bracelet that was hand stitch-monogrammed with her name. She smiled at everything she had been given by her big sister. She didn't talk to her, so she treasured everything Julia gave her.

There was another letter. Grace opened it to find similar bracelets with Ethan and Ilsa's name on them, as well as a Virginia post card. On the back of the post card read:

' Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.'

Grace put that envelope to the side, knowing it was meant for Ethan and Ilsa.

Her phone buzzed beside her to let her know that Sloane, Ethan, Ilsa, Benji, and Luther would be arriving soon, and Auggie needed to get to the basement.

She rushed down the stairs, and headed straight to the living room.

"They're gonna be here soon, come with me, bring the book." She said. She grabbed the gun off of the coffee table where she had dropped it the night before, and she headed to the basement, with August tagging along behind her.

They went to the basement, and headed through the gym, to a false door, which led to their emergency bunker. August had this installed incase of a threat of a terrorist attack. Being they lived in Washington, they knew a large enough terrorist attack could and would put them at risk as well.

He sat down, and took the gun from her hands.

"I will open the door when it is time for you to come up. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR UNTIL I SAY SO. Okay?" She said, her voice shaking with nerves. August noticed this, and put the book down.

He stood up and wrapped his arms around her body, and rested his head on hers.

"It's going to be okay, baby, alright? I'll be fine, you'll be fine, and if it all goes to shit I can get us out. You know that." He felt her nod, and he pressed a kiss to her lips, before she pulled away from him.

"I love you," She said.

"I love you too." He whispered, and watched her walk out of the bunker. He returned to his seat, and continued reading. He actually managed to admit to himself that he was liking Scanlon's book.

Upstairs, Sloane and the IMF team had just arrived and were sitting in her kitchen.

"Why are we here?" Hunt asked.

Grace took a deep breath and began.

"Before I begin, I need all of you to promise you will listen and not act without thinking about what I am going to propose greatly."

They all nodded in agreement.

She took another deep breath. "Okay. August is alive." All of their eyes widened, and Ilsa gasped but no one said anything.

"He is alive, and safe, and him and I would like to know if there's anything he can do to earn all of your guys's trust back. He is willing to do anything."

Everyone looked as Sloane, as her opinion was most important.

Sloane got very serious. "Yes there is. We do have a protocol to follow for rogue agents wanting to gain trust back again, but they have to request it in person, with proof that they are truly serious about it. Where is he currently?" She asked calmly.

"He is here." Grace said. "He came home last night. I would have called you but he had a large burn on his face, and a badly stitched forehead wound so I was more preoccupied with making sure he got fixed up."

Everyone nodded. They may not like or trust August, but as agents, they understood how important physical health was.

"Understandable. Bring him in, and we'll discuss it." Sloane said, and gave Grace a comforting smile, which let Grace know she wasn't going to pull any stunts.

Grace rushed down and got August, and headed back up. Grace saw Ethan's eyes darken in anger almost immediately upon August entering the kitchen.

August took a deep breath, ad began to speak. "I understand that you all probably hate me, and are angry at me, but I need your guys's help. I will do anything and everything to gain your trust back." He said, in a quiet tone of voice August had never used before.

Sloane was the first one to speak to him. "Walker, we are willing to help you, but you must do everything you are told. It's going to be a long few months."

August nodded. "I know. I'm already working to gain back Grace's trust, and she's helping me to be a better person, and as I said before, I am willing to do anything to gain that trust."

Ethan, Ilsa, Benji and Luther looked at each other, before they turned to August. "We'll help you too. I believe that everyone's capable of change, so we'll give you a chance," Ethan said. "But only one."

August nodded. "I understand." He looked up into Ethan's eyes. "Thank you." Ethan gave him a small smile.

They began to talk about what needed to be done, and how Grace was helping him. A few hours later, Ethan and Ilsa were getting ready to leave. Just before the headed to the door, Grace stopped them.

"I received a package from Julia this morning, and this was in it. She's back here, and she's safe." She said in a low voice to him.

Ethan smiled, and gave her a hug. "Thank you, Grace. If you happen to talk to her, let her know that I hope she's doing okay, and to stay safe. I appreciate you being able to make sure that she is always safe."

Grace smiled, and nodded. "She's my sister, and you're still my brother, wether or not you and Julia are together. It's my job," She said.

Ethan smiled, and gave her another hug, before Ilsa walked in from using the bathroom, and the trio said their goodbyes, before the door closed behind Ethan and Ilsa.

Grace ran up the stairs into her office and grabbed the letter. She headed back down to the living room, where she found Auggie reading. She took a seat next to him, making August look up.

"What's that?" August asked, and pointed to the paper in her hand.

"It's the letter that you gave to Julia to give to me, I got it in the mail this morning."

He put the book down, and turned towards her, his features portraying anxiety.

"And, um, what did you think?" He asked, nervously.

Grace smiled and looked at him.

"It made me cry. I know now all you care about was making the world a better place, but you were going about it the wrong way. You knew Julia would be there, but you wanted to make sure she was safe, all because she was my sister. It made me fall more in love with you," She said, tears coming to her eyes as she maintained eye contact with August.

August smiled, and reached a hand out for hers. Grace let him take it, and she ran her thumb on the back of his hand.

"All I ever want to do for you is to make sure you are safe, and you are happy." August whispered, and looked down to his lap, where Scanlon's book was laying.

"Auggie, I know. But I don't need you being taken away from me for the world to change. I read that manifesto, and yes, in certain situations, you must struggle before you succeed. But not the way you and Lane wanted to do it, honey." Grace said, quietly.

"I know, and I'm sorry," August whispered, as tears started to fall from his eyes. Grace immediately looked up at the tone of his voice. Noticing his tears falling, she let the letter fall to the ground, and wrapped her arms around August, who sobbed into her shoulder.

"Auggie, shhhh, calm down," She said, as August's tears became louder and closer together. She ran her hands up and down his back, and whispered in his ear how much she loved him. a few minutes later, his tears started to subside.

Grace looked down, and saw his tired eyes begin to flutter closed. She sat up and lifted his head.

"Hey, hey, hey, you can't sleep yet," She began, brushing a few curls off of his forehead bandage. He groaned slightly, but opened his eyes. "I have to change your bandage on your head, and we need to put some more creme on your burn," She said, and helped August up.

He grumpily walked to the kitchen, and sat on a stool. Grace watched him as she gathered her tools, and laughed to herself about how child like he can become when he is tired.

She quickly took off the bandage, and looked at his stitches,

"They're healing, just slowly. They shouldn't leave too big of a scar, if a scar at all," She said. August nodded, too tired from todays events to talk.

She replaced the bandage and moved on to his burn. It was still noticeable what had happened, but it was healing. She gently lathered on the burn creme, and took a photo of his burn with her phone, in order to track it.

"Okay, baby, all done." She whispered to him. "You head up and go to bed, I'm going to put this away and let Kal out for a pee, and then I'll join you, okay?"

August smiled at her, and stood up. He wrapped his arms around her, and pressed a kiss into her hair. "Thank you, my love. I love you so much." He whispered into her ear.

Grace giggled and gave him a kiss on his lips. "I love you too, Snuffles," She replied, and used his nickname.

He gave her one last hug and kiss, and walked over to the stairs.

Grace began to clean up her medical supplies, and let Kal out for a pee. She walked into the living room, and saw the letter laying on the ground. She picked it up, placed it on the table. She then pulled out her phone and made a reminder to call her mom to talk to Julia and let her know what was happening and why she hasn't answered her lately.

She let the Akita back in the house, who went to his water bowl for a drink before heading up to the bedroom, where his dad was.

Grace made sure all the doors and windows were locked, and the alarm was armed, before she followed her boys.

"Kal! Leave Daddy alone!" Grace whisper yelled upon entering the bedroom, and seeing Kal nudging August with his nose for pets. Kal huffed at her, but then stalked over to his bed, immediately settling down.

Grace changed into her pyjamas, which consisted of one of August's shirts, and a pair of spandex shorts, before snuggling into bed with August.

She quickly fell asleep, and stayed that way until she was awoken at 5:30am by August shooting up from where he was laying. She rolled over and saw his shoulders shaking, his large hands covering his face. She shot up, and crawled so she was kneeling in front of him in the bed. She pulled his head from his hands, which forced him to reveal that he was crying and hyperventilating.

"What's wrong?" Grace said. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. She pressed a kiss to his forehead before running to the bathroom to get him a cup of water. She returned to his side, and placed the water down. He had a hand on his chest, and was hyperventilating to the point where Grace knew he couldn't breathe. She reached into his bedside drawer and grabber his 'bcalm' inhaler.

She bought him this inhaler after a particularly rough day at work, a few months previous.

He had come inside the house, and immediately walked up to where Grace was in the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her, and began to breathe quickly. Grace, thinking he was just tired, gave him a hug, and continued to work on dinner when he released her. He pressed a kiss to her cheek, and followed Kal into the living room.

A few minutes later, as Grace was chopping up vegetables, Kal came running into the kitchen and began to bark and jerk his head towards the living room, before he ran back to August. Grace knew something was wrong, and followed him. She found August bent over on the couch, shaking, and his head in between his knees. Kal was nudging him, and attempting to get his face up unsuccessfully. Grace dropped to her knees in front of him, and lifted his head.

He looked up at her with pure fear in his eyes. His hands were on his chest, crumpled in his shirt. Grace immediately recognized what was wrong, and tried to calm him down.

'Baby, I need you to listen to me. You're okay, you're safe. Breathe with me." She said, and began to breathe calming breaths with him. "In through your nose, out through your mouth."

They did that for a few moments, but his breathing barely calmed. She held her finger up in front of his mouth. "Pretend you're blowing out a candle, small, deep breaths."

August did as he was told, and his breath quickly slowed, and returned to normal.

Grace knew then that he had an anxiety disorder, but he had never gone to a doctor for it, and likely never would. She opted to educate herself on ways to help him, instead of forcing him into a situation where he wouldn't be comfortable.

She placed the inhaler up to his lips, and instructed him to breathe in. She removed the inhaler to allow him to exhale, before returning it to his lips. After 6-7 breaths, he was calm, and rested his head into Grace's neck.

"Here," Grace said. August lifted his head at her voice, and opened his mouth to drink from the cup that was presented at his mouth. He drank half the glass, before he wrapped his arms around his wife's waist.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Grace said in a quiet voice.

August took a few breaths, but began to explain. "I-I dreamed that Ethan didn't stop me in Kashmir, and Julia died. I was sent to prison. You visited me and told me how much you hated me, and wished you never married me. It scared me so much," He said, shakily.

"Shhh. It's okay. I'm here, I love you and you're going to be okay. You're safe." Grace said. She felt Kal's wet nose poking at her leg, and she looked at the dog. He had anxiety written all over his face, and knew he was scared for his dad.

Grace moved out of the way, and allowed Kal to climb up and put his large body where Graces once was. He rested his head on August's shoulder, and Grace put her hand on the back of his neck. August wrapped his arms around Kal a few moments later.

"Hey, buddy, daddy's okay." August whispered to the dog. Kal made a little whimper, but didn't move. After Kal was satisfied his dad was okay, he moved off, and settled his large body at the end of the bed. Grace laid down, and motioned for August to do the same. She wrapped her small body around his larger one, and they drifted off the sleep not long after.

Grace woke up before August the next morning, and allowed him to stay asleep. She walked into the bathroom and began to run him a bath. He was usually very clingy after an attack that bad, and she wanted him to feel calm, the way he calms her down.

She put a few drops of Lavender essential oil into the water, and Lavender scented bubble bath as well. Once it was full, she turned off the tap. She placed some fluffy towels on her vanity, and made her way to the closet. She grabbed sweats and a t shirt, as well as his superman boxers that he loved. Those were placed on top of his towels. She grabbed her laptop, so he could watch Netflix while he was in there.

Once everything was ready, she made her way back to her sleeping husband in the bed.

She knelt down beside him and began to run her fingers through his hair, gently coaxing him awake. "Auggie baby, wake up," She whispered. He groaned, but opened his eyes. Once his eyes landed on hers, his mouth molded into a smile.

"Good morning," He said, groggily. He reached out a hand and placed it on the side of her face, and he rubbed his thumb back and forth.

Grace leaned into his touch. "I ran a bath for you, follow me." She said. August smiled and got out of bed to follow his wife into the bathroom.

"It smells lovely, baby girl, thank you." He said, as soon as he entered the bathroom. Grace smiled, and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"I have Netflix queued up on my laptop. I'll make us breakfast, and then I'll join you, okay?" She whispered in his ear. August nuzzled into her neck, and pressed a few kisses there, which made Grace smile. She missed his touch so much.

"Mmmm, sounds good." He whispered into her neck, which caused a shiver to run up and down her back.

She left him to get in the tub, and ventured down stairs. She made a quick breakfast of Eggo waffles, syrup and cold water bottles for the both of them. She made her way back up stairs, and found August settling into the tub.

Grace peeled off her clothes, knowing full well August was admiring her, which she loved. She got into the tub, settling herself in between his legs, her back pressed to his chest. She lifted the plank of wood she used to watch Netflix in the tub, and placed her laptop, and their food on it.

"What do you wanna watch?" She asked him, as she signed into Netflix.

"Mm, New Girl," He said quietly, and he ran a hand up and down her side, admiring his beautiful wife.

She put New Girl on, and settled back against August. He rested his chin on her shoulder, and began to pepper kisses on her neck. Grace moaned, and leaned back into his touch. Her hands ran up and down his thighs that had her body encased in his. August hit a particular spot that he knew would drive Grace crazy. She arched her back, and moaned out loudly. August felt himself begin to lose control, and removed his mouth from her.

"Why'd you stop?" Grace groaned out. "I was liking that,"

He chuckled. "I want you to trust me fully before we're intimate again. I don't want to make you feel like I'm being selfish."

Grace turned her head to look at him. "You won't baby. I love you, and miss you." She whispered.

August began to move his hands to her stomach. He immediately felt her body react to his, and that encouraged him to keep going. He removed his hands for a moment, in order to move the wood that had their food and laptop on it, to the ground where it couldn't be harmed.  

Grace turned around in his arms, and swung her right and then her left over his legs, so she was straddling him. She pressed their foreheads together, and moaned at the feeling of Augusts hands exploring her body. It had only been a week since the last time they made love, but somehow it felt like it had been a lifetime. Grace brushed her lips against his, and felt his hand slow to a stop. He reached up and enveloped her lips in a loving kiss. Her hands moved from his chest to his jaw.

His tongue swiped on her bottom lip, and she immediately allowed him to deepen the kiss. His right hand moved from her lower back, over her hip, her thigh, and then in between her legs, and Grace allowed her self to be lost in the pleasure.

For many minutes, time seemed to stop for the couple. Inside their little bubble, no one could harm them. No ethics reading needed to be done, no trust needed to be gained, and Kashmir never happened. All they felt was love, and passion.

As Grace rested her head on August's chest, she felt his heartbeat slowly return to normal. August had his right hand rubbing her back, and his left playing with her hair. She sighed in content, and tilted her head up at August. He smiled town at her, and gave her a kiss.

"That was amazing," August said. He noticed pure happiness on his wife's face. "I love you so much, I can't even believe it," He said, a stray tear falling from his welled up eyes. Grace lifted a hand and gently wiped it, being careful not to hit his burn area.

"I love you too. You've amazed me with how far you've come, even in just two days. I'm so proud of you, baby." She whispered to him. She noticed the tears escaping his eyes, and she knew that he was happy to hear her say that. That she was proud of him, that she loved him. Words he never heard from his parents.

She sat up and wrapped him up in her arms. "I'm proud of you. You make me proud to be your wife as every day goes by. You're so worthy of all my love. You're doing amazing," She whispered, tears came to her eyes, and she praised him over and over, meaning every word.

"I make you proud?" He whispered, clearly not believing her.

"Everyday angel. Marrying you was the best decision of my life." She said. Instantly, his sobs intensified, and his arms squeezed her closer.

She knew he needed to hear every word of praise she could give him, that he needed every kiss, hug, touch, and he needed her.

He may not be the perfect citizen, but Grace would be damned if she couldn't admit that he was on his way. And she would protect him, and guide him, until he didn't need it anymore. When that time came, she would stick by him, and love him.

[draculasdaughter]

The brochure from the New Orleans Haunted History Tour company promised a "leisurely daytime stroll through St. Louis Cemetery #1″ (...) I was expecting to see houses where ghosts could be spotted in windows on dark nights, or corners where someone was horribly murdered decades ago, but instead the guide, who was Black, herded his group of white tourists (and me) past Congo Square, the park which in the 1800s was the one place where Africans were allowed to congregate freely. He told us about the system of plaçage, a quasi-civil-union between European men and Black women that allowed their children an inheritance. We walked past Tremé and he told us about Storyville and jazz and showed us a map of where we were in relation to the Lower 9th ward, the mostly Black neighborhood that suffered the most from Hurricane Katrina. When we finally arrived at St. Louis Cemetery #1, he showed us the grave of Vodou queen Marie Laveau, where tourists scrawl X’s in groups of three on her tomb. He reminded us that her power was less about the supernatural and more about her access to the wealthy and connected. He pointed out the grave of Homer Plessy, of the landmark Plessy v. Ferguson case that said segregation was perfectly legal and which opened up the floodgates for Jim Crow.

While I could have used a few more ghost stories, I got a kick out of this unexpected tour of Black New Orleans history, but when I looked around the group everyone else looked bored and a little annoyed that they were not getting what they paid for. But it was a ghost tour, just not the kind they were expecting. These weren’t poltergeists and spirits trapped in hotels, bars, and brothels, these were the ghosts of our history, the spectral remnants of our nation that were too often forgotten and dismissed. We were all hoping to be a little bit frightened, to stand in the spots between the past and the present where the veil between the living and the dead was at its thinnest. We were expecting to be entertained by macabre tales with a patina of historical truth. But as the tour guide understood, America’s haunted history is Black history. At the end he suggested we visit the Museum of Free People of Color and I gave him a $5 tip.

Darkly: Black History and America's Gothic Soul, Leila Taylor, 2019.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Yo did u make that post about your 9th grade science class

oh my God I was talking about it with my friend last night and now I’m losing my mind about it all over again sdkjhdfskh

so the school I went to for 9th grade was a Catholic high school, and it was one with like a GREAT reputation. Like, all the Catholic high schools in my area were ‘good schools’ but this was the like the Big One. Always had the best grades, happiest students, best sports teams, best plays, always did the most outreach with the elementary schools, like it was a very popular school. 

But then,

The summer before I started, the city shut down like...a fucking hundred Catholic schools, because no one wants to fund education I guess? And if your parents send you to Catholic school, they usually want you to stay there no matter what. So instead of all these students going to public school...a ton of them were forcibly transferred to this school (in the suburbs). Everyone was pissed- the city kids were mad because they had no attachment to this place and the commute was annoying. The teachers that transferred with them were pissed off about the whole affair. The teachers that previously worked in this school and didn’t lose their jobs to new teachers were stressed and had no way of controlling the overcrowded classrooms. Tuition went THROUGH THE ROOF. And their was a lot of tension between the city kids and the suburb kids for...literally no reason at all tbh, it was just There so all the classes were insane.

But my science class. Took insane to new levels. 

So, I need to preface this with the type of student I was: I liked science, I thought it was interesting, but science did not like me, and thought I was a bitch. No matter what I tried I was always just scrapping by in the class- but. I always dedicated myself to being the nice, quiet girl who sits in the front, because then the teachers like you, and whether you’re actually a good student or not they’ll give you allowances. 12th Grade gov class, I literally handed in my requirement-for-graduation research paper in a week and a half late and still got a hundred on it, because when the teacher asked me where it was I told her ‘I handed it in on the due date?’ and she immediately was like ‘Oh my God, you did? I’m so sorry!’, then gave me a day to get a ‘’‘new’’’ copy to her, and she felt so bad she gave me extra credit. Like, genuinely, I was determined to play this part and it paid off lmao. 

So for 9th grade I was obviously doing that, but compared to everyone else going crazy, I looked like a literal saint. The teachers in this school weren’t authorized to give detention- we had a school ‘Disciplinarian’, and basically you had to go to his office for him to tell you you have detention, it was weird, but if an entire class was acting up, each room had a call button so he could be summoned to the room to give the full class detention. But all 3 of my science teachers that year, instead of pressing the button, would send me down to his office to bring him back up to the classroom personally, so he would know that everyone EXCEPT me was getting detention. Like, every time one left they literally left in their notes for the new teacher ‘send Molly to get Mr. Chia if the class gets too bad’ it was so fucking funny. 

We went through 3 teachers that year. 

The first one was this old man with an impossible to pronounce last name, who walked with a cane and was considered one of the toughest teachers in the school. Before the end of October, he had mysteriously vanished. Like- they literally wouldn’t tell us where this man went. I feel like if he died or had a stroke, they would’ve had us pray for him during homeroom or something??? He left us no clues, he literally said to me ‘you did great on the worksheet today! Skip the homework, I’ll see you tomorrow’ and then for the next few weeks we had rotating substitutes until they found a new teacher kjshdgjkhd where did he GO

But anyway- he hated our class. He had the toughest teacher rep to live up to and he literally could not control a single student. Screamed his throat raw. Was constantly changing seating arraignments to try and keep certain kids apart. Was constantly getting bombarded with paper wasps and rubber bands and annoying kids asking invasive questions about his stroke. Kids were threating to fight him if he sent them to get detention. No one ever did the homework, everyone always yelling over him when he was trying to teach- in the later weeks before he disappeared, he literally just taught to me and like 3 other students in the front and tried to tune out the other kids. This poor dude omg. 

So, we had various substitutes that just put on movies for a few weeks, and then they found our second teacher. He was a cute, young guy, eager to mold young minds, was active in the church and his sister actually went to the school, so they though they could count on him to get our class together and stick it out for the full school year.

This man was mistreated so badly by these 15 year olds that he RAN AWAY TO ITALY.

I’M NOT EVEN BEING DRAMATIC HE LEGITMATELY MOVED TO ROME TO GET AWAY FROM US. 

He stood no chance. The SECOND he walked in all the kids could smell he was weak blood. The chaos went to new levels- people released real wasps into the room so everyone would run around in panic. Physical fights broke out *just* for the sake of disrupting class. No one would ever stop talking over him. A used tampon was once thrown at the chalkboard. I was shot in the arm with a homemade blow dart that a kid made during a test. People were always trying to hack into his laptop to get answers. A fire was started in the trashcan. Someone tried to climb out the window when he snapped and started screaming at everyone. He screamed so much his voice was almost perpetually hoarse in the days before he left. People would make inappropriate jokes about his fiancée and little sister. Someone tried to steal his camera a few times. The all had terrible nicknames for him.

I literally saw this man transform, before my very eyes, from someone happy and excited to live his passion, into a depressed and stressed out man who just wanted an out. I felt SO bad for him. I genuinely cannot imagine being pushed to my breaking point so hard that I decide my only option is to FLEE THE COUNTRY. But he literally came in one day like ‘guess what fuckers! I’ll be in Rome by the end of the week! Have fun in hell!’ ksdjfdskjfd

The third teacher- they had a hard time finding. Even people who were actively looking for teaching positions didn’t wanna take the job because word got around about us literally driving a man out of America. They ended up finding a teacher at another school who was good with ‘’’’’difficult students’’’’’ and offering him an obscene amount of money to switch. He...listen. He was nice.

He comes in the first day, says ‘So I don’t actually know what physical science is- I’m just gonna teach you guys chemistry’ and then proceeded to not actually teach chemistry. 

He got mad at the kids every now and then, but he was a lot calmer than the other teachers. He let A LOT slide and put on a lot of science videos to get out of trying to get through to the class. 

He was...not the most attentive. I distinctly remember being in the lab, and we were doing that thing where you make flames change colors, and while he had his back turned a guy at my table lit his worksheet on fire, laughed, wasn’t paying attention and let the flame get to his sleeve, had his sleeve catch fire, panicked and beat it out, all in a few moments, all before Mr. Sliffy managed to turn around to catch him. It was an almost completely silent affair, but I feel like the teacher should’ve noticed the residual smoke coming off a kids arm??? He didn’t say anything though khdfsfhkds

So we really skated through for the last trimester that year- apart from a few labs he’d just put on like, ocean life documentaries and if he saw you paying attention he’d give you full class credit. He gave out candy to ‘anyone who’s not being an asshole’, so while some kids were still wild and unruly, everyone calmed down enough so the constant screaming turned into more. Bearable chatter. Tests were few and far between and not that difficult. 

But I still cannot believe I had to live through this class like....I think I developed tinnitus just from sitting in it everyday. I was like constantly on guard for a fist or a dart to hit me for months afterward. It was too much like...can we please do something about schools oh my God. I don’t even know how to officially end this post. Please be nice to teachers oh my God. 

[corinthbayrpg]

NAME. Zuri Workneh AGE & BIRTH DATE. 756 & July 9th, 1265 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Nonbinary & She/They SPECIES. Fury of Megaera OCCUPATION. Pirate & Bookstore Owner FACE CLAIM. Kiki Layne

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: death & violence ) Zuri Workneh came into this world as both of her parents were leaving it. Her mother died during childbirth and her father while fighting in war as a hero. Her grandfather, a well known nobleman, took her in and raised her, making sure to cherish his son’s only daughter. Zuri was spoiled rotten by the older man. She was given toys of all sorts, beautiful garments, and the most expensive jewels in the world. Whatever she wanted, he provided it to her with no hesitation. Except for one thing: knowledge. Zuri was curious and intelligent, she caught onto things fairly quickly. Ears that were always listening and a mind that was always plotting. It would’ve been charming if she were born a boy but for a girl, it was not needed. His plan was to marry her off to either a prince or nobleman, whichever came first. It was her duty in life, all of it planned out before she could have a say about it. And Zuri hated it so much. 

Her grandfather refused to tell her anything, to teach her anything that was of true importance. It wasn’t just him, the other men around her were the same way. Except for him. Kofi, the King’s third son who was a year younger than her. He was more understanding and actually listened to her, the only person who cared to help her. Kofi was the one to sneak book’s from his room and give them to Zuri. It was Kofi who taught Zuri many things, it was Kofi who relayed information that he heard from the soldiers. While she didn’t necessarily have freedom, Kofi was her form of freedom. The closest she’ll ever get to it really and she was fine with it. 

The years went on as the two grew closer, and the prince’s feelings for her became known. Everyone can see how he looked at her, how Zuri always brought a smile to his face and how his gifts brought one to hers. When he was old enough to go on war expeditions with his father and older brothers, he would make sure to bring something back for Zuri each time. For the masses to see, the gifts always revolved around jewels and garments from whatever territory they had gone to. But for her eyes only, she could see the books that he swiped or maps that he took or drew for her. Those were her favorite gifts as it allowed her to travel as well and go on grand adventures. 

To anyone around them, it seemed obvious that the two will marry each other in the future. None of them could deny the way that Kofi looked at her with love in his eyes and how Zuri was always looking for the third prince. They were perfect for each other and Zuri’s grandfather was eating it up. He even pushed his granddaughter to make it official and go before the King as a prospective wife for his son. While she would do anything for her grandfather and did love Kofi, there was the hesitation of giving herself up like that. To become his wife, a wife to a prince, meant less freedom than what she wanted. 

It was only Kofi’s words that pushed her down the road of marriage. “If it’s freedom and the right to travel, I’ll give it to you if you become my wife.” And he meant it, she could tell. Kofi wasn’t a man who lied, especially not to her. It was an offer that brought happiness to both parties. A life together and a life where she’s able to do what she pleases. It was too good to be true. Then it happened. A marriage deal between the King and another King from a different kingdom. To create an alliance between their two kingdoms by marrying Kofi off to the other King’s second daughter. It was like that where she saw her life flash before her eyes. The freedom she oh so desired, freedom that was promised to her, was being taken from her. 

Only her grandfather wouldn’t let this happen. How about making Zuri his mistress, he suggested to the King. A chance for his third son to have more children, more sons for his son to have. While she wouldn’t be his wife, it was still an amazing idea especially knowing that his granddaughter’s children will still be royalty. Luckily for them, both Kofi and his father accepted the proposal, Zuri becoming a mistress instead of a queen. Not what she expected and really wanted but she too accepted it. It was better than being with a man who would control her. 

In the next few months, Kofi was married off at the age of seventeen and Zuri became a mistress at the age of eighteen. The two moved away from their kingdom and to a new one. It took them exactly one week to get there, and two months for Zuri to call this new kingdom home. Given her own maidens as well and a beautiful room filled with books, she was happy and in peace. But the feelings Kofi had for her never disappeared, even after marriage. Many could see it, especially his new wife. Unknown to the two, the other woman found herself jealous. Of there being mistress, another woman who had Kofi’s heart, a woman who was more suited to be a queen. But her jealously was kept a secret, all she could do was keep quiet and watch from the sidelines. 

The jealousy and anger that his wife felt for her grew especially when Zuri birthed Kofi his first son. Healthy and beautiful, they named the boy Salana Kofi, a beautiful and bright name for a boy that brought such brightness to their world. He became Zuri’s pride and joy. Two years after, Kofi’s wife had a son of her own. Two sons, boys who could become king in the future. Of either their kingdom or of another. The brothers, unlike their mothers who didn’t get along, were best friends. If you saw Salana then you would see his younger brother following behind them. They could’ve been an amazing duo in the future if it wasn’t for Kofi’s wife.

Tired of the extra attention that both Zuri and Salana were receiving, and the fear of the oldest son succeeding the throne, set out to have the two murdered. After a visit to their old kingdom to see Zuri’s grandfather, she paid for bandits to murder the two. The jealously that she felt swarmed her heart and onto the bandits. When intercepted by the bandits, the men told her that it was the queen who sent them to murder her. Because she was receiving too much attention from the king, that it was because of Zuri that all of her attendants, soliders, and son were to die. Because of the love that Kofi had for her. It was because of their bond that died, that she almost lost her son and her own life. She was a fighter, untrained and sloppy, she stood her ground to protect her only child. Power was needed, to protect the one thing that mattered to her, and it was power that was given to her. By an unknown woman named Megaera who offered power. To protect her son, to protect herself, and to protect others. A bargain that she accepted without a second thought. Zuri was able to take care of the bandits and ran off with her son, both wounded and traumatized from the experience. But alive, they were alive and it was the only thing that mattered.

Becoming a fury was a blessing and a curse. While grateful to the mythical woman who gave her powers and a chance, she had to separate from a life that she has always known. To the rest of the kingdom, both her and her son had been murdered by the bandits or whoever. They were easily forgotten and no more, it didn’t matter as the king had other heirs to choose from. Hidden and forgotten, the two traveled for time on end before Zuri looked for a place for her son to stay. Staying with her meant that his life was in constant danger because of the creatures she had to fight. It took her days to get son to understand this before their split. There were tears, more from her than him, lots of hugs, and loving words. It was the last time that she saw her son, he was nine, so young and soft. Zuri imagined that as time went on, he became a very handsome and respectable young man. 

She spent the years after it doing as she was told. Fighting creatures and protecting the people. Each fight left her feeling more hollow and empty on the inside. Saving others, while nice and a bit fulfilling, but it wasn’t what she wanted to do. She was a woman who wanted to travel. Skies that expanded far out and made her want to see more. Seas that were unknown to her and dirt roads that were left untouched by her footsteps. She needed to see the world and enjoy doing what she wanted, not because of some strange mythical woman giving her a gift. It was more like shackles that kept her tied down. All she needed was a chance to break away and she would take it. 

Then it came. Pirates who were looking for a navigator and Zuri took to it, telling the group that no one else was fit for the job except for her. “Anyone can read a map but you need someone who understands the sea and sky. And that’s me.” Impressed through and through, she was accepted, becoming the group’s official navigator and leaving behind her duties as a fury. 

Life on sea was a shift but she became accustomed to it in no time. It was the same with the others on the ship. At first, hard to get along with, it was with each battle, each exploration, and each celebration that she found herself coming to love them. They were her family, not by blood but by connection. Fellow lost beings who wanted nothing more than to explore. The crew was her everything, they gave her the love and care that she needed. The ship was her home and the crew was her family, no one could take it from her. Until the crew lost their captain and the age of pirates was no more. A decision to split was placed on the table, a decision that she did not want to go through with. However, when you weren’t the captain and just a measly navigator, you don’t have a say in the matter. The crew split apart and Zuri’s life was once again destroyed. 

She continued on with a few others as a thief for a few years before going on her own. She explored the rest of the world, stopping at various places before finally settling down in Ethiopia. Once her childhood kingdom and now a new land, it was the perfect place to stop in. There, she opened a small bookstore with painted walls of the starry sky and books from all over in various languages. She lived there peacefully for years until the veil fell. Unexpected but it didn’t stop her peaceful living. Only the arrival of Ade and the revival of the veil was that peace was taken from her. It was her old friend who dragged her to Corinth ( much against her own wishes ), the reason and purpose being here unknown to her. While it was nice to see her crew back in one area, she would much rather be anywhere but here. 

But even someone like her knew that there was a reason for her being there. There was a reason why she became Kofi’s mistress, a reason why she became a fury, a reason why she left behind her son, a reason why she became a pirate. So she stayed, waiting for her purpose to show its face to her.

PERSONALITY

+ adventurous, knowledgeable, rational – blunt, pessimistic, direct

PLAYED BY KASHIA. EST. She/Her.

[watarigarasu]

May 9th – Change

Lyn’s Writing Event

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x Reader

Word count: 1,691

Warnings: Heavy angst

Author’s note: And for my next trick I’ll step on your feelings :)

Thorin Oakenshield considered changes as an inevitable part of life.

Unlike humans, he was allowed to live through the centuries and watch the world change in front of his bare eyes—the cities to be build, the lands to be conquered, the friends to be made and the foes to be defeated. Although the longevity of Elves was still out of his reach and the cold breath of death always one step behind him, he considered himself somehow lucky. Not everyone could live long enough to obtain a knowledge and skill as great as him, just like not everyone could make a good use of the life given to them.

And he was, indeed, rather proud of his achievements. His family and friends were, too.

Standing next to the majestic oak tree with branches so wide they could reach from one side of the main gate to the Erebor to the other, Thorin thought that he has seen the sun setting behind it thousands of times. It truly was a good idea, to plant a tree when it was barely a seedling on the meadow behind the Lonely Mountain and watch it grow.

He smiled at the memory.

It seemed as if that day happened no longer than few months ago. The grass was as yellowish as today, still not woken up from the winter slumber, the sky crystal clear and the smell of the sun in the air. The first day of spring and yet, the birds were understanding that it was their time coming, chirping sweetly in the distance and flying cheerfully around. It suited your excitement perfectly, the seedling in your hands soon to be placed in the ground.

“I just cannot wait to see it grow big and strong,” you admitted, not vary to get your hands dirty in the ground, while Thorin held the tree to make sure it was positioned straight. “We can get a wonderful place to rest during sunny days. And the birds will surely enjoy it, too, a new place to build nests.���

“Weren’t you saying that their morning serenades are disturbing your sleep during the journey here?” he reminded.

“It was something completely different! Now, look, it is almost done.”

Indeed, it was, the smile on your face so wide, Thorin could barely remember when was the last time you were so eager to do something. He found himself observing you instead of the plant, your features and the sparks in your eyes much more interesting than even the most special tree.

“I love you,” he confessed all of a sudden, causing you to blink and look at him puzzled.

“I love you, too, Thorin,” you answered and moved near him, to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “More than you do love me.”

“No way,” he groaned. “I am the King and therefore I love you more.”

“And I am soon-to-be Queen and therefore I cannot love my future husband less than he does.”

“Nonsense, I see no correlation.”

And so, you teased him from time to time, just to see the King under the Mountain fall for you all over again. It always ended with a kiss, hands held together and the promises of even better times to come.

You looked stunning in your wedding dress, the jewelry given to you by him only making your beauty more visible and radiant, and for the first moment, Thorin was completely speechless. He stood there like a fool, unable to move or say a single word, simply eyeing you and not believing that you were really going to be his wife—that the love of his life, his One was truly there, within reach. After all he has been through, there was finally a time when all the troubles left him, the bold line being drawn at the end of this chapter with an intention of starting a new one.

The better, brighter one because you were there.

The way your laugh echoed in the halls was a music to his ears, no matter that sometimes, when you got particularly amused, it was nowhere near ladylike. On the contrary, that was when he loved it the most, the genuine expression of utter happiness floating from your heart. You taught him how to smile more often and to find the reason to do so every single day.

Countless stuff were filling Thorin’s once neat and minimalistic bedroom, since you moved in. Naturally, you wanted to make this place look as comfortable as possible, considering the fact that you were surrounded by the cold, dark stone, and he never argued with that. Whatever meaning were your things hiding, he realized that their presence was quite nice, always reminding him of you and your interests.

He did not even say a word when he found out that there was only one shelf destined for him left, all the rest occupied by your belongings. It was precious, to watch you place them and for your bedroom to seem more and more like a journal—every page filled with various memories you wished to cherish.

Thorin was the one to notice the first gray strand in your hair. You were resting your head upon his chest and slowly falling asleep, listening to him telling you an old story from his childhood, when his gaze landed upon something different. Not stopping the lazy strokes over your head, he took a closer look to make sure that he was not mistaken but no matter how much he wanted it to be some kind of hallucination, the single gray hair was stubbornly there.

Soon enough, he did not see it anymore, for the image in front of him got blurry, but the tone of his voice remained the same.

“I love you,” he told you the next day in the morning, right after you woke up in his arms. “Nothing will ever change that.”

“Well,” you started, still not completely awake and surprised by his sudden confession. “I hope so. I would hate to participate in a duel to win your heart again, but if I had to…”

He chuckled.

“I would never doubt that and I can assure you that there is nobody else to duel with.”

“Good,” you yawned. “I would like to have a breakfast with my lovely husband first.”

Thorin kissed the top of your head, in the same place where he found the damned hair previous night.

“You will, my dearest.”

The music was rapid and chaotic in the background and yet, you paid no attention to it, as you swayed with Thorin to the rhythm of a completely different melody. Slow and steady steps taken back and forth and to the sides were creating such a contrast to the joyful jumps and swirls of the other members of the great feast organized to celebrate Fíli’s hundred birthday. In the arms of the King under the Mountain, however, you were safe from the whole world, keeping him close to you with eyes closed and simply feeling his presence with your body and soul.

It was warm and peaceful, just like his love for you.

Wandering through the lands you almost forgot about, you realized how much they changed during all those years spent in the Erebor. The forests seemed to grow taller, the roads longer and the hills higher, as if the world was spreading to every side. It was hard to imagine that you were travelling there with The Company once, on a quest to kill the dragon and reclaim the place you knew now as your home. Thorin, walking by your side insisted that he remembered the way perfectly and encouraged you to visit Shire as a small substitute of the adventure you once had and a present for your anniversary.

Also, to visit an old friend of yours.

Not Bilbo, nor his habits differed from what you remembered and after you crossed the threshold (naturally, without knocking first), you were both welcomed like a guests of honour, with tea and snacks.

“I have to admit,” you stated after walking over the small hill and leaving Bag End behind. “It was a good idea. Thank you for suggesting that.”

“I am glad you consider it as such,” Thorin smiled. “It would be a terrible waste of time and energy if you did not.”

“Time spent with you is never a waste, Thorin. No matter what we do or where we are, it is always good when you are with me. I love you and it is honestly all that matters.”

He truly hoped that the words you spoke that day were genuine, because the thought of wasting your life was haunting him for many weeks after you were gone. If he only did not meet you during the quest, you would have a completely different life, perhaps better than the one he could offer you—living and dying in the kingdom of stone and steel.

Standing alone under the tree you planted together and observing the setting sun for the countless time, Thorin realized that although he seemed to come back to the very same place he started from—to the crushing loneliness and lack of purpose—everything was different. You were the most beautiful and significant change that has ever happened to him and there was no way he would ever be the same as he was before seeing you for the first time.

Thorin was back in his home, the place he knew from an early childhood and nothing was the same.

You gave his life the meaning he was desperately looking for, you showered him with love he believed he did not deserve, you willingly devoted your whole life to him and spent your last hours in his arms. It was much more than he could ever ask you for, the greatest and most precious gift handed to him long before he realized what it was.

The privilege of growing old together, where the only permanent and constant thing remaining was his endless love for you.

And maybe it was meant to be this way.