#inspiration for this post was me watching compilations of them being sweethearts

[misiahasahardname]

the surfer dudes are such a great team. there wasn’t a moment with those two where i wasn’t smiling. they are the sweetest, most wholesome duo in all of total drama history.

i can’t wait to write friendships just like theirs.

[kristamead]

In 2019, I want to bring more books to the blog! For starters, it’s about time I compiled a list of some of my personal favorites that I think everyone should read.

What are your must reads? Favorites? Current books?

Leave a comment at the end of this post!

I’d love to hear from you (:

From fiction to non-fiction, music to manga, personal greats to graphic novels. Creating a general book recommendations list was difficult to narrow down, but I think I’ve got something for everyone. There’s definitely more where this all came from and I’m excited to continue posting about everything books.

For my (first) ~must reads~ I wanted to pick the books that I find the most compelling choices for anyone and everyone. If you’re looking for a new read, here are 15 titles and blurbs explaining why they’re worthy of your time.

I made sure to create this little notebook attachment if you want to save it for when you hit the bookstore (;

  ✽ I couldn’t make a list of my must reads without including this. Hands down one of my absolute favorites. In Americanah, you’ll meet Ifemelu – a student leaving university strikes in Nigeria for university in the US. As she grapples with her new life in the States, she starts what soon becomes a very popular blog illustrating the differences of being black in Africa and being black in the States. Throughout the book you’ll also follow Ifemelu’s school sweetheart, Obinze, and their stories together, apart, and… well you’ll see.

✽ Not too much to say here, because who hasn’t heard of Frankenstein. Of all of the assigned readings throughout school, this one has always been my favorite. There’s something about gothic literature that has a special place for me – all the dark spooky drama, I love it. I feel like everyone knows about Frankenstein, but hasn’t necessarily read the book so here’s a little nudge.

✽ Whether you’re looking for a quick read, an aesthetically pleasing page-turner, a cool artsy graphic novel for your shelves – this one is perfect. Cartoonist Barbara Stok’s Vincent van Gogh addition to the collection of autobiographical Art Series novels is super cool and worth checking out.

✽ If you’re in the mood to read something fascinating, you won’t want to put this down. In Brain on Fire you’ll hear the telling of Susannah’s mysterious true story as she recounts the frightening events as she rapidly descends in to madness and what it takes to work out her life-saving diagnosis.

✽ When I first really wanted to start making a habit out of reading, I was after something that would really make me feel something. I didn’t think it was possible for me to really laugh or cry when I read a book. Long books seemed like things that wouldn’t hold my attention for very long – I’d probably get bored and forget to finish it. Then I heard about A Little Life. This book had me on an emotional rollercoaster. I didn’t just cry, I was weeping by the time I finished it. I really got invested in Jude and his three best friend’s stories. Some of the scenes in this book are pretty traumatic and aren’t for the faint of heart so proceed with caution.

✽ Hotel Silence is an Icelandic novel about Jónas who’s at a point in his life where he feels unfulfilled, like there’s really nothing left to live for. When he decides to leave everything behind and do something about it, he reaches Hotel Silence where he finds reasons to keep going. I picked this up initially intrigued by the cover and finished it really appreciating the story and the message it left me with.

✽ This book turned my life upside down. I had heard plenty about Girls to the Front prior to finally picking it up. The Riot Grrrl movement was revolutionary in itself, but reading in to Bikini Kill, Heavens to Betsy, Bratmobile, Sleater-Kinney, and more really inspired me. Maybe it was good timing, but this book really helped me put things in to perspective.

✽ Pretend I’m Dead is one of the weirdest books I think I have in this mix. I never really jumped at this book on my shelf. It was another one of those that I picked up because I thought it looked pretty cool and the blurb on the back seemed interesting enough. This book is strange in all the right ways. You’ll meet 24-year-old Mona, who cleans houses and volunteers at a needle exchange. Throughout the book we meet different people that help Mona find her place in the world. This one is purely entertaining from start to finish.

✽ The hype surrounding this book checks out. Normally I’m not a huge fan of stories that follow families through the generations, but this one proved me wrong. In Homegoing, we follow two Ghanaian sisters as they’re separated at birth and brought up in different villages. One sister will marry into a fortunate, luxurious life in the Cape Coast Castle and the other will be imprisoned in the same castle – ultimately sold into slavery. Through eight generations you’ll read of “slavery’s troubled legacy both for those who were taken and those who stayed [and] how the memory of captivity has been inscribed on the soul of our nation.”

✽ If I didn’t already love Carrie Brownstein watching Portlandia, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl made me idolize her even more. Following Girls to the Front, I’ve become increasingly fascinated by all of the women in music throughout the nineties and early two thousands. Reading about Carrie’s experiences in music and her many words of wisdom made this book hard to put down. I would highly recommend this book to anyone in the mood for a really great music memoir.

✽ Speaking of music memoirs, Girl in a Band is Kim Gordon’s. It seems like the music memoirs I gravitate toward kick off at some sort of an end for the person who wrote it (this one being Sonic Youth’s final show). However, Kim takes us back to her childhood in the sixties/seventies – to the NYC art scene – Sonic Youth – to her marriage and split with Thurston Moore – motherhood – Body/Head – and more. Tons of familiar names are dropped in this one which make it all the more interesting.

✽ Next, the first and admittedly only manga I’ve ever read – Solanin. This was recommended to me as a music/band/gig lover. Reflecting back on it, this book is totally relatable and thoroughly enjoyable. You’ll meet Meiko who felt stuck in her day job, so she quits in hopes for something more. She convinces her boyfriend to do the same and start up his old band which she inevitably joins. This book will be a pleasure to read because I feel we all have been in the same spot as Meiko sometime in our life. Definitely a manga that showed me no genre is off limits.

✽ I found myself contemplatively stopping multiple times with Too Much and Not the Mood. Durga Chew-Bose’s writing really creatively inspired me and my writing. It’s the sort of book that made me feel really close to the author, like we were akin to each other. A lot of things really made sense in this one and I didn’t want it to end. It’s hard to really go in to detail with a collection of essays, but each essay had something notable to offer. Even if you don’t necessarily relate to what Durga has to say – I love this book so much I would recommend it to anyone.

  Saving some of the best for last – I have two favorites by Robin Sloan. I completely feel his writing would be enjoyable for anyone. I normally don’t really gravitate toward fantasy or magic-filled books, but these two are exactly the kind of magical realism I can immerse myself in. Everything that takes place in both stories are more imaginatively entertaining than a far-fetched reach into make-believe. Both are situated in the Bay Area (San Fransisco/Silicon Valley), which was bonus points for me because I always fantasize living around there.

Mr. Penumbra follows an out-of-work Clay Jannon as he picks up the night shift job at an eccentric bookstore with some curious clientele with rather bizarre purchasing patterns. Clay is inclined to track these books and ultimately uncovers something even more mysterious. Sourdough is about exactly what the title and this cover infer – sourdough bread. Lois Clary is your typical nine to fiver working for a robotics company – exhausted by the time she gets home. She begins to frequently order from a neighborhood restaurant with a delivery service and becomes well-acquainted with the operating brothers. With visa complications, the brothers of Clement Street Soup and Sourdough have to close shop and entrust Lois with their sourdough starter. Once Lois starts baking loaves and loaves of bread, everything begins to change as her life of technology and food begin to merge.

Ultimately, if you’re looking for a safe and cozy feel-good book to tuck in to and enjoy from start to finish – I’d argue either of these two are the way to go.

Whew, putting this together seemed like I was biting off a little more than I could chew for a bit. I really wanted to make it apparent why I enjoyed each title I mentioned here without plainly saying “HEY! I liked this and I think you would too!” BECAUSE GENUINELY I think you might too! Later on I want to try and take note of what I really enjoyed in books moving forward and writing this all out for you helped me realize why.

When reading a book I’m easily captivated and I think sometimes I spend a lot of time relishing in the luxury of it; but I realize now that really expanding on why and recording my thoughts will help me improve my explanations looking back on them. A lot of the time someone will ask me what book they should read so I’ll give them a title and forget the specifics of why I loved it so much. It’s easy to remember that I liked a book because it triggered an emotional response or I blew through it or I was in awe at points – BUT moving forward just know that I’m ready to deep dive in to some more books when it’s time.

Let me know down below what books you love

or your thoughts on any of these!

my must reads In 2019, I want to bring more books to the blog! For starters, it's about time I compiled a list of some of my personal favorites that I think everyone should read.

[dove-annarchie]

A Slow Damage headcanon theory compilation by Ann

It’s late and I’m supposed to write short stories instead of a long rant about a game that’s not even out. But after watching the Slow Damage PV another hundred times and seeing that the N+C fandom is kinda dead. I decided to add my little, possibly going to remain unseen theories/headcanons/speculations/guesses etc. for the fans waiting for something new.

Note that nothing of what I’ve written is to be taken at face-value, it’s just my speculation and feel free to correct me on anything or share your theories with me. Anything to make this agonizing period of waiting a bit less agonizing!

First, these guesses wouldn’t be as strong without @shinocchidesu’s text decode on the PV and the inverted sketches @bara-mink (sorry, for some reason i couldn’t tag you :C) made to get a new perspective on the images, and they look clearer!. Kudos to them!

To start this trip, I may warn you this is gonna be long as heck. Be prepared.

We’ve got to start with the ambience. N+C has something like a track record regarding crapsack worlds, dramatical murder and maybe false alkanet being the exceptions (and even then, Dmmd was dark as fuck despite the cheery, colorful world it was in). Togainu no Chi was a post-war dystopia, Lamento was a story in a world that was slowly dying, and sweet pool’s world was fairly ordinary but the darkness on the plot was the product of the characters’ doing.

Slow damage seems to be the game where both the characters and the world around them are grimdark as hell.

Taking the PV at face value, the characters seemed suspicious, the music and effects were unsettling and the background left an impression (at least in me) that nothing was fine. Looked kind of like a decadent city, or a red-light district, just an urban zone full of crime. If I had to compare it to explain myself better, think of Dragon Palace in Omerta Chinmoku no Okite (another BL, mafia themed VN).

(what looks like an urban environment in the pv):

(omerta’s dragon palace, for comparison):

A crime-filled ambience is an ideal place for a dark plot with troubled characters.

Moving along with the characters, we see 4 of them (at least if there’s not a hidden twin, clone or doppelganger). None of them look 100% sane to me. The flashing visuals and slightly off-key music and sounds are likely to hint that at us, or maybe it’s the kanji, for the Japanese-speaking people? They’re either very involved with crime, or their hands aren’t clean enough to disprove any guilt. At least for me, since these are my deductions.

Moving on, I’m going to talk about the people we see in the PV. Starting with:

My thoughts about him? When there’s crime, there should be cops. He looks like a detective or cop to me. He also seems to be middle aged, or older than the MC at the very least. Old enough to have been a father? Who knows. But he reminds me of Motomi (TnC) and Kiryuu (Omerta) for some reason. I’ll call him Kiryu for now.

The words deciphered by shinocchidesu in their post read:

Sins, guilt, depression, self-loathing, to hide something, mask.

If I tie this to his assumed position in the law, Kiryu must have committed a crime himself and/or gotten someone killed. It was either an accident or intentional, whether in a moment of weakness or fully aware of what was going to unfold. In any case. It seems like Kiryu desperately wants to hide it, or forget it. Or the disgust he felt with himself after doing it.

Affection, mercy, silence, determination to be…

What if his route is like a healing process, maybe not just for Kiryu, but also for whatever the MC went through before? Maybe by taking his route, if he has one, we can make him move on or remind him that the past is in the past, and that he can still find worthy things in his life (Like the MC?). he’s going to feel more positive with the MC around him, he may quickly take a liking to him. Maybe because he reminds Kiryu of someone from his past? Is being romanced by the MC like a chance to symbolically or internally fix everything that went wrong?

Next is…

My thoughts about him? Looks like the typical pretty boy every anime media must have. Longish hair? Check. More delicate face structure? Check. Mischievous smile? Check. He also seems to have piercings, or maybe it’s the rough lines of the sketches. I’m going to call him Shi for now, read the explanation ahead.

The deciphered words read:

Unrestrained, unstoppable pleasure, blood, bone, flesh, violence.

This doesn’t spell good.

I’m going to stretch my deductions a lot and state that maybe Shi was (or is) a cannibal, or a serial killer. I see him as a hedonistic fuck who doesn’t care about other people’s wellbeing as long as he’s having a blast. Maybe he was under the influence of drugs. All of this spells that Shi was an outright criminal, the kind of pleasure-seeking person who will go to the extreme just to feel new sensations, even if they’re morally wrong. Shi wants to feel thrilled, he has no barriers or chains. He’s a free man and not even the police can keep him from having his way. He’s sassy, brash, carefree and confident. Has a joyful and fun façade to hide his bloodthirstiness and the misery it caused him.

Or we can take the other side and imply he was being forced to be like this. Maybe he was part of a cult or a very toxic group who indulged in killing and intoxication. He’s used to this, even if he doesn’t want to be. Maybe the MC can help him withdraw from his passions or push him deeper into it while joining him. I still don’t have this clear.

Self-denial, build and rebuild, hidden aesthetic.

Shi lives very frugally. Because of his criminal status he has to constantly relocate, but it’s not like he has important things to leave behind. Much like Nine told Aoba in dmmd re:connect, Shi can build and destroy his (outer) world whenever he wants or needs to and he doesn’t lose much by that. The build and rebuild part can also apply to his possible murderous intents, since he destroys lives in order to build up his pleasure. Possibly being with the MC may inspire a desire to settle down, despite the risk, and having legitimate reasons to do the opposite. A possible bad end might be joining in the bloody debauchery and being dominated by Shi?

Next one…

My thoughts about him? A classic character; the kichiku megane. Other than Ugajin (also from Omerta) and the yaoi manga with that name, I cannot make any comparisons due the fact I haven’t seen many examples of this archetype. Unless he turns out to be a caring, if amoral sweetheart, I’m betting my cat’s life that he’s going to follow the trope to a T. Stoic, sadistic, cruel and uncaring, but smart, sophisticated, desirable and maybe hiding a very tiny good heart. He looks like a high-ranking criminal, or yakuza or mafia or I dunno, he looks not like a lowlife thug, but more like an evil hidden-in-plain-sight kind of criminal. He can afford to look elegantly amoral. It took me a while to give him a decent placeholder name, so I’m just calling him Kenji for now.

Let’s analyze his phrases.

To put on, not being himself, inerasable past, acted out truth, hatred towards their own.

This one’s a little more complicated to me even if it seems to be explicitly spelled out. Kenji’s self-hatred must stem from a typical traumatic experience. Maybe his family/race/clan/group did something awful and he was one of the few who regretted letting it happen? And that’s why he’s involved with crime? Because he sees himself as nothing but another apple that rot far away from the tree and he can’t do better than commit more crimes?. A little part of himself knows that while he’s scum, or at least related with the real scum, he didn’t commit atrocities like his kind so he can afford to be a little bit better. He desperately tries to distance himself from his clan, erasing his past and not wanting the horrible truth to be discovered. He doesn’t need to have a higher moral ground, he’s content with not doing horrible things directly. And he clings to that.

Cruel, thorough confrontation, continuous obsession.

Rule of three dictated these might refer to Kenji’s relationship with the MC. While MC doesn’t look like a career criminal, he’s still at the very bottom of the barrel, living in the crime-ridden urban settlement on a filthy studio (assuming he’s an artist). While Kenji can flaunt of being sophisticated and respected. If the kichiku megane aspect is played straight, Kenji won’t limit his cruelty with the MC, maybe seeing him as just another ruffian undeserving of even mere eye contact, much like he sees the people working for him. MC will keep clashing with Kenji, causing the yakuza to become enticed and attracted to the young (?) smoker. As if he’s “deserving” of him. I don’t have much else, sorry.

And finally…

Now let’s go with the hooded person, who I’m assuming it’s the MC, and if he isn’t and turned out to be the main antagonist or some shit like that, welp, then screech in my ear and call me Rachel.

I’m basing my guesses from the teaser images rather than the kanji.

The first one is simplistic. We see a person in a hoodie sporting a macabre smile, standing in the middle of a street with distorted figures which must be buildings. The colors are limited, classical red, black and white, aiding the macabre aesthetic of the picture. The black figures seem to sink onto the ground and lose consistency. As seen on the N+C website, the title of the game is written twice; once in white and then in black, right over the white katakana in an irregular way that may be meant to add to the “instability” of the image.

I don’t see much symbolism other that this being N+C’s way of saying “yo, we gon fuck your mind up but you gotta wait for it ;) also if you don’t speak Japanese then you’re doubly screwed fam”

The second one is more complex and gives us a very good look at the aspects and symbolism. We see the hooded person in much clearer detail. Looks definitely masculine (it’s a yaoi game, duh). He’s sitting on a stool, in a crooked posture, looking depressed and defeated, smoking while avoiding eye contact with the camera. Smoking was believed to reduce stress, but that was debunked a while ago, so he has pent up a ton of anxiety added to the usual problems with his already underprivileged lifestyle. Behind him there are numerous canvases (assuming he’s an artist, or at least a hobbyist) with a huge black one right behind his back, they show no images other than empty whiteness and some shadows, their meanings being that either he gave up, those easels are representing emptiness and gloom, he became disillusioned and he’s reflecting on stuff, or that there are multiple problems in his life that are unimportant or self-inflicted and thus cause him small amounts of misery but not to an extreme extent, and this one big black canvas right behind his back represents factor that started, prolonged or keeps fueling his bitterness and internal struggle.

I want you to save me./Do you want to be saved?

In a world of crime, a young man has the chance to make things right. Anything he could do may make things better or worse. Is he talking to himself? Is someone else asking him that? All the above?

By who? By me?

He’s doubtful and depressed. He started at the bottom and he’s still in the bottom (that was unintentional). But can he push his frustrations aside and face the music?

That concludes my analysis and helped quench my impatience a little bit. I should repeat that this is not to be taken at face value nor I’m saying this is 100% canon official information. It’s just another guessing game to see if I can give you an idea of what to expect. I dunno, I just wrote this for fun C: thanks for reading!