#insert sad hippo here

[hippolotamus]

'Cause the wind has changed My walls are weakening They're gonna fall soon And I'm gonna need you Ruben - Walls (naked edition)

Tagging some loves (LMK if you want added or removed)

@shortsighted-owl @alyxmastershipper @chaosandwolves @elvensorceress @monsterrae1 @stereopticons @this-is-bwr @littlebitofdiaz @911onabc @heartbeatdiaz @spotsandsocks @buddierights @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @apothecarose @jesuisici33 @megsvstheworld @the-likesofus @panbuckley

[asleepinawell]

Book Recs

I was gonna do one of these at the end of the year, but I’ve somehow managed to read 26 books this year already (12 novellas, 14 novels), almost all featuring queer authors and/or characters so this is already a long list.

Note: There’s a few on here I was kind of meh about, but in most of those cases it was a ‘book might be good but it’s not for me so i’ll mention it to put it on people’s radar anyway’ type of thing. Insert the usual necessary tumblr disclaimer about all of this being only my opinion and your opinions are valid too etc etc.

In order of when I read them:

Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir - Fantasy novella from the author of gideon the ninth that’s a twist on the classic princess trapped in a tower waiting for a prince story. Quite fun. (novella)

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht - Dark fantasy about revenge and magic. m/m couple but like I said it’s pretty dark and twisted all around so definitely not a happy queer romantic story. My opinion was interesting premise that could have been executed better and probably should have been a full novel to embellish on the world building potential. (novella)

A Memory Called Empire & A Desolation Called Peace - Arkady Martine - Probably tied with murderbot as the best things I read this year. Scifi, f/f couple, wonderfully done exploration of what it means to fall in love with a culture that is destroying your own. More of the many queer anti-imperialist books that have come out recently and certainly some of the best. The second one is a direct continuation of the first. (2 novels)

The Tyrant Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson - This is the third in the Baru Cormorant series (The Masquerade) and was my favorite so far. The second and third book were originally one book that got split I believe and the second book didn’t stand alone as well (though was still great), but the third book really made up for that. Dark fantasy world starring a queer woc whose country and culture is destroyed by the imperial forces of that world colonizing and assimilating them. She vows revenge and decides to work her way up within her enemy’s ranks to enact it from within and bring an empire to ruins. Really really fascinating study of so many different aspects of our own world and the systems which enable and allow bigotry and how bigoted and violent narratives are used to control minorities. This is definitely a darker series and I was particularly impressed with some of the commentary on the racism prevalent in non-intersectional feminism as depicted through a fantasy world. Can’t wait for the last one to come out! (3 novels, 1 forthcoming)

The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells - There’s six of them--5 novella and a novel--and the first is All Systems Red. Told from the point of view of a self-aware droid/android that is rented out by a corporation to provide protection in a dystopian capitalist hellhole future that isn’t that unlike our current capitalist dystopia but is in space. Muderbot hacked the chip that controlled it and instead of going rogue just wants to be left alone to watch its favorite tv shows. Murderbot is painfully relatable and the books are both funny and poignant. Highly recommended. (5 novellas and a novel).

Winter’s Orbit - Everina Maxwell - This was a m/m romance novel with a scifi backdrop of royal intrigue. Generally I’m more into scifi with a queer relationship in the background than vice versa, so it wasn’t my favorite, BUT I think it was still well written and someone looking for more of the romance angle would enjoy it. Has all your favorite romance tropes in it, especially the yearning. (novel)

The Divine Cities - Robert Jackson Bennett - Three book series. I’m very conflicted about this one. Set in a fantasy world where an enslaved nation overthrew the country enslaving them and now rules over them. It’s a story of what happens after the triumphant victory and within that it’s also a murder mystery tied into the dying magic of the conquered nation. It also has a six foot something naked oily viking man fist fight a cthulhu in a frozen river. The second book was by far my favorite, mostly due to the main character being brilliant. My conflict comes from the fact I don’t feel like the story treated its women and queer characters well. Like it had really great characters but it didn’t do great by them overall. That and the third book didn’t live up to the first two. But still definitely worth a read, can’t stress enough how cool some of the world building was. (3 novels)

Into the Drowning Deep - Mira Grant - This might be the only one on here I disliked. It’s got a doomed boat voyage and creepy underwater terror and monsters and a super diverse cast of characters, but I just didn’t enjoy the writing style. While having a diverse cast is great, there were a lot of moments where it felt like characters were pausing to explain things about themselves that felt like a tumblr post rather than a normal conversation you might have while actively being hunted by monsters. I also bounced off all the characters. But a lot of people seem to have liked it so if you’re into horror and want a book with a f/f main couple then maybe you’ll enjoy it. (novel)

Dead Djinn Universe - P. Djèlí Clark - Around the early 1900′s, a man in Egypt discovers a way to access another world and bring Djinn and mysterious clockwork beings called Angels through. As a result, Egypt tells the British to get fucked and Cairo becomes one of the most powerful cities in the world. So Egypt, magic, djinn, a steampunk-ish vibe, oh and the main character is a butch queer woman who enjoys wearing dapper suits and looking fabulous while she investigates supernatural events. Her girlfriend is also mysterious and badass. And she has a cat. There’s three novella (one of which technically might be considered a short story) and then the first novel. You should absolutely read the novellas first (A Dead Djinn in Cairo, The Angel of Khan el-Khalili, The Haunting of Tram Car 015). Super fun and imaginative series. (3 novellas and a novel, more forthcoming)

River of Teeth & Taste of Marrow - Sarah Gailey - From the book description

“In the early 20th Century, the United States government concocted a plan to import hippopotamuses into the marshlands of Louisiana to be bred and slaughtered as an alternative meat source. This is true. Other true things about hippos: they are savage, they are fast, and their jaws can snap a man in two. This was a terrible plan.”

Queer hippo riders!!!! Very much a western but with hippos. Main couple included a non-binary character. Loved the first one. The second one I was more meh about due to one of the characters I was supposed to like having obnoxious man pain that a woman had to take the brunt of the whole time. Also there were less hippos. But queer hippo riders! Definitely read the first one, and they’re both novellas so no reason not to read the second as well. (2 novellas)

A Psalm for the Wild-Built - Becky Chambers - I may be the only person who hasn’t read the long way to a small angry planet at this point, but I did grab her new novella and I loved it. It made me want to go sit out in the woods and feel peaceful. The world it’s set in feels like a peaceful post-apocalypse...or diverted apocalypse maybe. Humans built robots and robots gained sentience, but instead of rebelling they just up and left and went into the wilderness with a promise that the humans wouldn’t follow them.The remaining human society reshaped itself into something new and peaceful. It’s the story of a monk who leaves their habitual monking duties to go be a tea monk and then later wanders into the wilderness and becomes the first human in ages to meet a robot. Very sad there’s no fan art yet. (novella, more forthcoming)

The March North - Graydon Saunders - This was such a weird book that I’m not sure how to explain it. The prose style is hard to get used to and I suspect a lot of people will bounce off it in the first chapter. There’s no third person pronouns used at all and important events get mentioned once in passing and if you blink you’ll miss them. Set on a world where magic is extremely common to the point that rivers sometimes run with blood or fire and the local weeds are something out of a horror movie and most of the world is run by powerful sorcerer dictators, one country banded together (with the help of a few powerful sorcerers who were tired of all the bullshit) to form a free country where powerful sorcerers wouldn’t rule and the small magics of every day folks could be combined to work together. The story revolves around a Captain of the military force on the border who one day has three very powerful sorcerers sent to them by the main government with the hint that just maybe there’s about to be a big invasion (there is) with the implication of take these guys and go deal with this. The world building is extremely complex and very cool...when you can actually understand what the fuck is going on. There is also a murder sheep named Eustace who breathes fire and eats just about everything and is a Very Good Boy and belongs to the most terrifying sorcerer in the world who appears as a little old grandma with knitting. It had one of the most epic badass and wonderfully grotesque battles I’ve ever read. But yeah, it is not what I would call easy reading. Opinions may vary wildly. I did also read the second one (A Succession of Bad Days) in the series which was easier to follow and had a lot more details about the world, but overall I was more meh about it despite some cool aspects. The chapters and chapters of the extreme details of building a house that made up half the novel just weren’t my thing. (novels).

The Space Between Worlds - Micaiah Johnson - In this world parallels universes exist and we’ve discovered how to travel between them, but the catch is you can only go to worlds where the ‘you’ there is already dead. This turns into an uncomfortable look at who would be the people most likely to have died on many worlds and how things like class and race would fit into that and what we would actually use this ability for (if you guessed stealing resources and the stock market you’d be correct). The main character is a queer woc who travels between worlds with the assistance of her handler (another queer woc) who she has the hots for. She accidentally stumbles on a whole lot of mess and conspiracy and gets swept up in that. Really enjoyed it. (novel)

Witchmark - C.L. Polk - Fantasy world reminiscent of Victorian England (I think?) where a young man with magical gifts runs away from his powerful family to avoid being exploited by them. He joins the army and fights in a war and comes home to try and live a quiet life as a doctor, but a murder pulls him into a larger mystery that upturns his life. Also he’s extremely gay and there’s a prevalent m/m romance. This one was a fun-but-not-mind-blowing one for me. (novel, 2 more in the series I haven’t read)

The Priory of the Orange Tree - Samantha Shannon - This was one of those that everyone loved but I couldn’t get into for some reason. I tried twice and only got about halfway through the second time. It’s got dragons and queer ladies and fantasy world and all the things I like, but I wasn’t that invested in the main story (which included the f/f couple) and was more interested in the smaller story about a woman trying to become a dragon rider. There are few things that beat out a lady and her dragon friend story for me and that was the storyline that felt neglected and took a different turn right when we got to the part I’d been waiting for. But, I know a lot of people whose reading opinions I respect who loved it, and if you like epic fantasy with dragons and queens and treachery and pirates and queer characters then I’d say you should definitely give it a try. (novel)

Bonus: I didn’t read these series this year, but if you haven’t read them yet, you should.

Imperial Radch (Ancillary Justice) - Ann Leckie - Spaceship AI stuck in a human body out for revenge for their former captain, but that summary does not come close to doing it justice. Another one examining imperialism and also gender and race.(3 novels)

Kushiel's Legacy Series - Jacqueline Carey - This is two series, six books total, and starts with Kushiel's Dart. Alternate universe Renaissance-y Europe in a fantastical world where sex isn't shameful and sex workers are respected and prized. Lots of political intrigue and mystery. A lot of BDSM and kinky stuff too (the main character is a sexual masochist, oh and also bi!). I first read this series when I was fifteen or sixteen and it definitely made a big impression on me. Same author also wrote the Santa Olivia series which I’d also recommend. (6 novels)

The Locked Tomb (Gideon the Ninth) - Tamsyn Muir - I mean, if you follow me, you know. If you don’t follow me you still probably know. I’d have felt remiss to have left them off though. Lesbian Necormancers in Space. Memes! Skeletons! Biceps! Go read them. (2 novels, 2 forthcoming, 1 short story)

Books On My To Read List:

Fireheart Tiger - Aliette de Bodard

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water - Zen Cho

Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse

This Is How You Lose the TIme War - Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Ninefox Gambit - Yoon Ha Lee

Also, if anyone has any recs for scifi/fantasy books starring queer men (not necessarily having to do with a queer relationship) and written by queer men I’d love them. There’s a lot written by women, and some of them are great, but I’d love to read a story about queer men from their own perspective.

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: In the Garden of Mindy

So today’s episode is neither a regular Pinky and the Brain skit nor a mere cameo. Today’s episode is…different, as the opening that spoofs the 1980s CBS Special Presentations pops up.

Perhaps the Warner Siblings can shed some light on this?

“Hi. We’re the Warner Brothers.”

“…And the Warner Sister.”

Look at these smug little gremlin children. You just know something is wrong when they make faces like that.

“And we’d like to invite you and all the members of your household…”

“…to gather around the TV set and join us now…”

“…for a very special episode of Animaniacs.”

“And what’s so special about it?”

“I’m not wearing any pants!”

…Wakko, you’re never wearing any pants.

Okay, okay, so we have the usual opening song and then the real explanation comes along.

“Welcome to the Animaniacs test kitchen!”

Oh no…

“We’re cookin’ up something really different for today’s show. All we need are our ingredients!”

Oh, kids, no!

“A dash of Pinky and the Brain!~”

WARNERS, PLEASE!!!

Man, the mice look so worn out. Did they…try to escape the Warner Siblings to avoid this whole thing? Like, that’s the only reason I can think of for why they look so tired as opposed to surprised or nonchalant like the other characters: They’re exhausted from attempting to run away. And for Pinky to be tired out is very, very telling.

“A cup of Slappy Squirrel!~”

Slappy is resigned to her fate.

“A tablespoon of Goodfeathers~”

I’m sorry about the smear face I managed to capture on you, Yakko.

I love how Bobby’s smirking a little, Squit is grinning like usual, and Pesto is looking at both of them like “If this is in any way you guys’ fault, I swear to the Godpigeon you’re all in for a beaking.”

“Add Rita, Runt, then swirl!~”

Meanwhile, Rita and Runt are just baffled.

“We add a pinch of Hippos~”

Why do you only have one of them?

…Wait, this is a fat joke, isn’t it? Goddammit.

“Buttons and Mindy, too~”

“Now top it off with Skippy Squirrel~”

Buttons and Flavio right now:

“What’s that make?

Animaniacs Stew!~”

Well, okay. We can at least call everything that results from this by a catchy name: The Stew AU.

“What’d we come up with?”

“Just watch…”

Oooh, children. You’ve committed a culinary evil this day.

“They’re Mindy and the Brain~”

So we’re mixing up the Animaniacs cast of characters and shows today.

[sighs]

Okay, so I guess it’s time to explain the basic premise of the Buttons and Mindy shorts and why they’re not fondly remembered, huh?

Well, the whole thing with Buttons and Mindy is a variation on the Baby’s Day Out type of scenario. Buttons the family dog is put in charge of guarding and babysitting Mindy, a friendly and curious toddler, by the mother of the family. The mother leaves to go…somewhere, and Mindy inevitably wanders off to chase after a bug or something new and interesting that she sees. Buttons goes after her because he loves Mindy very much and wants to keep her safe and be a Good Dog, and Mindy naively and unknowingly wanders into increasingly dangerous and life-threatening situations that Buttons must save her from, all the while getting beaten and bruised by the situations that were threatening Mindy.

The shorts usually end with Mindy and Buttons somehow ending up back home with Buttons ragged from the abuse he’s endured and Mindy perfectly fine except for maybe not being tied to her tether or in her playpen or whatever. The mother comes home and sees that Mindy is not quite where she was when she left her, or the surrounding area is a mess or something equally not that terrible, and berates Buttons for not taking better care of Mindy and calling him a Bad Dog.

And that’s where it ends.

If you’re not busting a gut at that description, congratulations, you are just like 90% of the Animaniacs audience.

The reason these shorts just don’t work for a lot of viewers, myself included, is that this kind of scenario is only funny once or maybe twice. After that, you just end up feeling bad for Buttons and don’t want to see a cartoon dog go through a conga line of pain that he doesn’t deserve. Not to mention that the whole premise can be boiled down to “Severe Parental Anxiety: The Show”, and not a lot of people like feeling that way for ten minutes or so per cartoon episode.

The reason the scenario works for a comedy movie like the aforementioned Baby’s Day Out is because the people going after the baby in that movie are kidnappers and obviously terrible people who only look out for the child’s safety so they can hold the kid for ransom, thus the pain they go through while the child remains okay is funny. Trying to do the same thing with an innocent family dog that just wants to keep a toddler safe? Not very funny at all. It’s just sad.

“Mindy and the Brain!

One’s a small child,

And the other’s…the Brain!~”

So now we have a Buttons and Mindy episode with Brain filling in for Buttons. Already this is…not great, but I suppose it’s the only suitable fit for Brain because he’d have it so, so much worse if he was put in the cast of the other skits.

I like the Goodfeathers skits, but I feel like Bobby and Pesto wouldn’t put up with his world domination shtick and end up berating him and/or beating him up. And Squit? Squit’s a do-gooder but he definitely doesn’t have Pinky’s level of passive subordination. Brain would be completely out of his league.

This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t want to see Brain interacting with the Goodfeathers, because holy shit yes PLEASE I would love the chaos that would ensue. I just think Brain wouldn’t last on his own with them.

Brain would, again, be completely out of his element in a Slappy Squirrel cartoon. Slappy’s skits hinge on her being a senior Looney Toon-type who knows just how to handle absurd scenarios and villains. Brain gets lost and confused incredibly quickly when unexpected situations pop up. He’s not a quick thinker in general. He’d be toast.

Being inserted into a Rita and Runt skit… Well, Rita wouldn’t be a good partner for obvious reasons that will become even more apparent later. And Runt is kind and a bit dimwitted but he’s no Pinky. Runt isn’t the type to be interested in helping to take over the world. He just doesn’t have the skills to do…almost anything that Pinky can, and he doesn’t have the drive to do it. Runt just wants a home and that’s it.

As for the Hip Hippos, there’s a skit of theirs down the line where Brain is involved and it honestly turns out about as well as it does for Brain in this episode.

So, let’s see how Brain fares in a world without Pinky.

“He uses his lobe

To overthrow the globe!~”

Also, we’re again treated to TMS doing the animation, which certainly elevates this skit quite a bit.

“She’s whimsy,”

I love how Brain goes from shock and surprise to absolute petulant grumpiness after seeing that Mindy put him in a jar.

“They’re Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!~”

If only this was the extent of your humiliation today, Brain. If only.

[Various raspberry and baby babbling noises]

“Hi, Lady!”

“It’s ‘Mom’.”

This is honestly the only joke I ever liked in the Buttons and Mindy shorts. Apparently it was based on something a real child of a friend of an Animaniacs creator would say to their mom.

“Now listen, honey, mommy has to go to a better parenting conference. You stay right here and play.”

A “better parenting conference”, huh? Lady, you need it more than you know. For many reasons.

“Okay Lady, I love you, buh-bye!~”

Is anyone else getting a horrid sense of foreboding and dread from Mindy’s doll looking like a simplified Elmyra?

“Now, Brain, you keep an eye on Mindy while I’m gone.”

Nothing like leaving a mouse in a cage in charge of a toddler, huh?

Gosh, brain’s so adorably chubby in this episode. Look at him. Look at that grumpy face and that pudgy belly.

“I always get an attitude from him…”

Yeah, he’s… Yeah. That’s Brain, all right.

“At last, that meddler is gone! I’m free to begin my plan to…conquer the world!”

I love that back shot of Brain so much. It’s perfect. That’s the perfect Brain proportions and I can only dream of being able to draw cartoons that well.

“First, I’ll use telepathy to open the cage.”

C-come again? “Telepathy”?

Brain, honey… You’re looking for the word “telekinesis”. You should know this.

Also I guess Pinky’s not the only one with telekinesis capabilities.

The fact that he cocks his head to the side when he turns the trowel with his mind is a nice little detail.

“Now to get Mindy…”

That strut, though. He’s a mouse on a mission.

“Come, Mindy, it’s time for us to conquer the world!”

...Okay, I’ll say it: Mindy is very cute in this shot.

Meanwhile Brain...looks like a gremlin.

“Why?”

“By right of superior intelligence, I am best suited to guide the destiny of this planet.”

Careful, Brain. You’re getting dangerously close to--

“Why?”

“My empirical powers give me the mandate.”

BRAIN, this is starting to sound like eugenics...!

“Why?”

“Because it’s something I want to do!”

Oh lord, without Pinky to reel him in and remind him of all the real reasons he wants to conquer the world, the Brain of this universe has devolved into a mouse driven purely by ego and spite.

His little tantrum is adorable, though.

“Okay, I love you! [MWAH~]”

“I am uncomfortable with that.”

The Brain be like: What is this...”affection” you speak of? This is new and scary to me.

“Now listen closely, Mindy: Using the gardener’s weed killer, manure, and a little zoysia grass,--”

Zoysia grass is an actual thing, by the way. It’s the kind of grass you see mostly on golf courses.

“--I will construct a powerful stink bomb!” 

GAH! No need to punctuate the term by making your eyes bulge, Brain.

“We’ll use the lawn mower engine to construct a rocket and fill it with the gas. When precisely launched, the prevailing winds will spread the gas across the world’s capitals.”

As impressed as I would be with you being able to make a rocket from a lawn mower engine, Brain, it’s kind of overshadowed by you doing that thing again where you make a drawing animate like a video. Another strange power to add to the list, I suppose.

“As the stench drives the government officials out into the streets, we will rush in and seize power!”

Good lord, Brain, calm down. You’re gonna break that pointing stick!

“You understand?”

“Mousey!~”

You’re...not very good with kids, are you, Brain?

“Pretty Brain mousey…!”

“I am mortified.”

I don’t see why, you look positively precious.

“Little mousey big head!”

Mindy, dear, I too wish to squish this cute little megalomaniacal mouse sometimes but you’re doing it way too hard.

“Put me down, Mindy, or I shall have to hurt you.”

“Okay, I love you, buh-bye!”

The Brain: [is a mouse with genius intellect and gadgetry know-how with the drive to take over the world]

Also The Brain: [gets dunked on by a toddler merely dropping him on the ground]

“I sense I’ve completed the first step of my plan: Finding manure.”

That’s one way to look on the bright side, I suppose.

Sweetie, you’ve got something stuck on your head still.

“Pungent aroma, if I do say so.”

“Now to construct the rocket…”

...Why would you take the mask off now? You’re still right over top of the stink bomb! Brain, have the fumes messed with your thinking abilities already?

I do like the animation of him tearing the mask off, though.

“Buggy! Buggy!”

“All right, Mindy: Bring me the mower!”

If you ever need a pose that sums up Brain perfectly, it’s this one right here. This is him distilled down to his purest form. God bless TMS for this.

“Soon the world will be mine!”

Uh, yeah, about that...

“Woooow! Buggy go fast! Wheeeeeee!~”

“Whoooooaaaa! GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

“Beh, peh, EUGH!”

Brain’s plans go to shit really fast without Pinky around. Sometimes quite literally, it seems.

“Buggy go ‘round!”

[Running in the 90s starts playing]

“Ahahaha!”

Don’t worry folks. As always, Mindy is okay. Brain, however...

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Something I missed on my first viewing of this episode: the grass around Brain’s feet as he walks around covered in his stinkbomb juice dies near instantly.

“Wahahahaha! Silly Brain!”

“This is most unexpected.”

Is it, though? Is it really, Brain?

So, uh, something that caught me off-guard while watching this for the first time is what happens next.

Pinky and the Brain is, obviously, a Warner Brothers cartoon with some Looney Toon sensibilities. Despite that, though, while there is the occasional being-flattened-like-a-pancake or being-covered-in-soot-after-an-explosion types of cartoon slapstick and such, it doesn’t really go much beyond that when it comes to cartoonish injuries and such. The worst I’d ever seen it get in this show is at the end of Opportunity Knox when Pinky and Brain are all wrapped up in bandages and some of their fur has been scraped off raw. Even then, that was surprisingly “graphic” for the show.

But this upcoming bit?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! D8

--was my reaction the first time. It’s not bloody and gory, but seeing Brain being sliced into sections by a lawn mower is just...startling, to put it mildly. To my knowledge (and well, it has been decades since I regularly watched the show, so take this with a grain of salt), the Pinky and the Brain Animaniacs sketches and the spinoff never does something this Looney Toons to them.

And what really gets me is that he’s not just cut into sections with his eyeballs popped out, it’s that there’s an obvious hole in the middle of each section??? For some reason??? What that to imply space for his skeleton?!? A creamy center filling?!?

TMS, you could have just animated him in sections like some kind of mousey marshmallow, why did you include the holes?!?

[Press F to Pay Respects]

“Bleh! Brain smell like poo-poo!”

“I must re-think my present career…”

Honestly, Brain? Without Pinky to help you, I’d say it’s a good idea to just try and escape this family first and then maybe try on your own to take over the world. You might have a slightly better chance then.

“What’s that horrible smell?! Is that you, Brain?! Have you been allowing Mindy to feed you old cheese again? Bad mouse! Bad, bad mouse!”

Wait, “again”?

“…I hate being chided.”

You know, it’s interesting how he says that about this human woman chiding him, but in the regular Pinky and the Brain universe Pinky will sometimes chide Brain for doing something dubiously immoral, and while he may hate it there too...he more often than not backs down and admits to his faults when it’s Pinky doing it.

“But she’ll be gone soon, then I can begin my plans for tomorrow: Another plot to take over the world!”

“But first: A bath.”

I mean, yeah. Priorities.

“He’s stinky,

They’re Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!~”

Well, I never thought we’d get a Brain bath scene until the comics but here we are.

I wonder if Pinky would find it equally as appealing to watch as that one...

Okay, that sure was...an episode. Let’s see how the other half of the equation is doing.

“They’re Pinky and the Cat!

Yes, Pinky and the Cat!

Her name is Rita,~”

Oh NO... 

I love the contrast of these two shots. It’s as if Pinky’s self preservation instinct kicks in only long enough for him to be vaguely worried about having a cat in his cage...and his lack of attention span overtakes it and he does whatever the hell this is.

“He’s a lab rat!~”

“A mouse!”

At least he still has it in him to be offended enough to correct the Warners about his actual species.

“They live inside a cage,

Making less than minimum wage.~

Aww...

Oh, Pinky, sweetie... I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for what’s about to happen.

“It’s dinky,~”

“They’re Pinky and the Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat!~”

Pinky making faces in the reflection of the water bowl is another bit of animation that’s used in the spin-off’s opening theme. It’s kind of weird to pull something from this particular segment, but whatever.

“What do you want to do tonight, Rita?”

It was so difficult to get a shot of Pinky’s cute little coy stance here, but it was worth it. Look at this cute, naive little mouse. He just wants to be friends, Rita!

“I dunno, eat you for supper?”

[GULP]

[Press F to Pay Respects...Again]

“So far, this is my favourite episode.”

“Narf! Oh, roomy accommodations, Rita!”

Don’t worry, folks, he’s fine! Yup. He’s okay somehow.

Lord, I hope this didn’t awaken a vore fetish in anyone.

“She ate the rat

‘cause Rita is a cat, cat, cat, cat, cat!~”

So yeah, that’s the end of this little experiment by the Warner Siblings. Well, the end of what’s relevant to this blog series, anyway. There’s also a skit with Pesto and Runt trying to find a home, which is honestly the best one out of this whole bunch of AU one-shots.

Then there’s a Katie Ka-Boom and Chicken Boo crossover, which is as underwhelming as you can imagine.

There’s a short where Dot takes the place of Slappy Squirrel, which goes about as well as it can after the theme song repeatedly calls her “Dottie the Squirrel”.

Lastly, Slappy takes the place of Dot in a Warner Siblings skit (with a cameo with Flavio as Skippy) where the Warners barge in on a very thinly veiled parody of Saddam Hussein and, uh... Well, it’s about as awkward to watch as it sounds. Props to Slappy for not really being interested in any part of that skit, though.

Man, after this utterly bizarre set of skits, I think we really need that full episode length Pinky and the Brain episode, don’t we?

Soon, folks. Soon.

See you then!

[niffala]

Dirty Secret (Pt. 4)

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, insecurity, cheating, some fluff, stupid Steve

A/N: Reader insert version found here. 18+ only due to smut. No stealing, no reposts, no translations, no feeding to AIs. Comments, reblogs and likes are always welcome and appreciated.

Chapter 3      Series Masterlist      Main Masterlist

Chapter 4

It was almost 5pm when I saw Steve again. I still had no idea what was going on. He was standing in the lobby, arms crossed, stiff and looking nervous. There wasn't anyone else around at the moment. 

"Hey," I greeted quietly. Ready to leave if he decided to act aggressively again.

Steve's head snapped around. There was no anger in his eyes, he looked remorseful. He gave me a sad smile and walked over, enveloping me in his arms, "I'm so sorry, Marison. I don't know what I was thinking. I had a lot on my mind, I didn't mean to blow up like that. It was uncalled for. I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me." 

Sam walked in before I could reply. "Forgive what?" 

Steve stepped away from me, "I accidentally stepped on her foot."

"Ouch! I've been there, Marison. Bigfoot over here needs to be more careful. It's like being crushed by a hippo." Sam gave me a side hug, smiling at Steve.

"That it is," I laughed. Mouthing 'we're okay' to Steve. He smiled back at me, relieved. I hope he'll open up to me later. "Will I see you both for dinner?"

"Count on it. I'm gonna need a big bowl of pasta to get me through this evening's briefing. I'm sure Wanda and our resident aquatic mammal will too." 

I chuckled, "Are hippos aquatic?"

"A hippopotamus will spend almost 70% of its life in water, so yes… They aren't called the river horse for nothing."

"I don't think anyone one calls them that, " Steve snickered.

Sam cocked his head to the side, clearly annoyed with us. "You guys need to expand your viewing selections. Something beyond history and baking shows."

I wrapped my other arm around Sam and gave him a squeeze. "So it's just the three of you? What happened to working in pairs?"

Steve nodded, "We will be. Fury has an agent joining us."

As if on cue, a blond woman entered. She was beautiful. Her whole face lit up when she spotted us. "Looks like I'm right on time. Are you my welcoming party?" 

Sam was the first to respond. "Agent 13. Long time no see. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Agent 13… Sharon Carter… Steve's Sharon. What was she doing here?

Steve put his hands in his pockets. "Sharon will be our fourth. Fury asked her to go to Bolivia with us. She's familiar with the territory.” He met Sharon’s gaze, “It's nice to see you."

It was clear Steve had expected her. He looked… delighted. Why didn't he tell me she was coming? 

She walked past Sam and I, “Likewise, stranger.” She embraced Steve. “It’s been far too long.” She stepped back, her smile was dazzling.

Steve kept his hands in his pockets, expressed his eagerness to show Sharon around the new compound. This being the third Avengers’ headquarters, built on the same site as the second. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Looking both at her, and through her. I knew that look. He was caught up in the past again. I’m not stupid. I know they have history, and that she was Steve’s last link to Peggy, the love of his life. 

Looking at Sharon, she seemed just as taken with Steve. Her warm brown eyes were locked on his. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment. Sam must have noticed too, because he whisked me out of the room, telling me we should give them some time alone. My stomach flipped... He didn't even introduce me.

---------------

Steve disappeared with Sharon for the next two hours, they didn’t make it to dinner. I sat alone, rubbing my bracelet, unable to stop my mind from wandering to ugly places. I only know they made it to the briefing because I saw them through the conference room glass. I wasn’t spying, I was concerned. 

---------------

It was half past 9, when I orbed into Steve’s room. I brought him a plate of food because he missed dinner. He was sitting on the couch, going through papers on the coffee table. I sat next to him and put the plate on a free corner. 

Steve smiled, “Thank you sweetheart. I already ate at the meeting, but thank you for thinking about me.” He turned, giving me a chaste kiss. 

“Oh… ok.” I picked up the plate and orbed to the kitchen, placed it in the fridge and orbed back. I snuggled into Steve’s side, trying to silence that little voice in my brain.

Steve sat back and wrapped his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head and when I looked up at him, he kissed my lips. 

“I love you, Steve.”

He hummed in agreement and kissed me again. I pulled away, prepared to say something to him, but he beat me to it.

“Sharon and I are going to lunch tomorrow.” Noticing my furrowed brow, Steve continued. “Just a friendly meeting to catch up, touch base before the strategy conference with Sam and Wanda later.”

That inner voice was now screaming, making my ears ring. They were going out. This was deeply unsettling. Compounded by the fact they would be going to another country together very soon. 

I tried to voice my concern, “Didn’t you two catch up enough when you were giving her the tour?”

Steve seemed amused, “Is my little doll jealous?” 

“No,” I grumbled.

“Sweetheart, I assure you it's not a date. It’s just Tuesday lunch with a friend. You have nothing to worry about.” He could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t convinced. “I will tell Sharon I’m taken,” he offered. He began undressing me and kissing my neck, effectively distracting me. “I’m your man, Marison. Let me prove it to you.” He picked me up and carried me to bed. 

---------------

Steve was asleep on my chest, snoring. I continued running my fingers through his hair. Even after a long night of lovemaking, I still had that nagging in the back of my head, that queasiness in my gut. I kept telling myself it was just my insecurities talking. Steve and I have been together for a long time now. We belonged to each other. He wouldn't throw away two years for an old flame. I held him to me tight. I was worried over nothing. He loved me… right? Everything would be fine.

---------------

Steve and I sat across from each other, eating breakfast, playing footsie under the table. We were back on track. Yesterday was just a hiccup and we got past it. It was just us, enjoying a new day. 

I took a large bite of my breakfast sandwich. The yolk popped and squirted across my face. “Shit!” I grabbed my napkin to wipe it off. 

“Ah babe, you know I like it when you're messy,” Steve said seductively. 

I snorted, “Perv.” I gave him a one finger salute.

“Your perv.” 

Happiness poured over me like honey, hearing him call himself mine. I love him so fucking much. 

Bruce and Wanda sat down with us, chatting about the latest episode of some new detective show. I continued rubbing my foot on Steve’s when he suddenly pulled his foot away, giving me a hard look. ‘Behave,’ he mouthed harshly. I tried to not let that hurt as much as it did. 

---------------

Lunch with Sharon began harmlessly enough. She met Steve at a food truck by her hotel. They got their food, Steve paid, and they sat at one of the tables that were set up. Steve doesn’t know why he felt anxious before, Sharon was easy to talk to. They spoke about how nice her hotel was, about what they've been up to these last few years. They discussed work, Steve telling her about the new team and recent missions. It was great catching up with an old friend. 

Sharon gave him a gentle smile, “I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing so well, Steve. I’ve been worried about you?”

“You have? I mean I’ve been doing ok, all things considered. I’ve… I’ve thought about you too.” Steve smiled back, reassuringly. 

Sharon took Steve's hand in hers, “Do you ever think about us?”

Steve was stunned, unsure of what to say. So he went with the truth. “Ya, sa… sometimes,” he admitted.

This pleased her. Sharon squeezed Steve’s hand, scooting closer, her leg grazing his. “I want a chance to make you happy, Steve. I think we owe it to each other to try. I mean, we never really got a chance to be together. We met on my undercover assignment. Then I joined the CIA and was stationed in Berlin. After that, you were on the run, and I had to get off the grid. Then Thanos happened and I was dusted. It’s been a hard road, but I think our time is now. I think we could be great together. Just give us a chance.” She looked at him, hopeful.

Steve quietly listened, unsure how to feel. Guilt, obligation, a longing he couldn’t pinpoint, hesitation and a spark of affection. He should tell her he’s already with someone. He should….

Sharon leaned over and kissed Steve, catching him off guard... On instinct, Steve kissed her back. Hand reaching out to run through her hair. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, he stopped, but Sharon was too in the moment to notice. She continued to kiss him before pulling away, grinning. 

“I’m so happy we’re doing this,” Sharon said while scratching his beard “Hmm, this has to go. It's like kissing a carpet.” She wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled his neck. “This has been a great first date, Steve.”

Steve tried to keep his distress to himself. Unable to force any words from his lips, he sat there mutely. Letting Sharon hang all over him. It will be ok, he thought. I’ll talk to Marison and she’ll understand... like she always does.

Chapter 5

[aaronhart93-archive]

discord II text Roman & Aaron

Discord thread featuring: Aaron and @romanbeckett​

Mentions: @davieslandon​ @malakhai-ozera​ @jayceelynd​ @alison-haynes​

Where: Aaron is at his house and Roman is at his house.

When: evening of May 26th-monrning of May 27th, 11:30p-2:30a

Description: Roman texts Aaron and they talk all night until they both fall asleep

Trigger Warnings: smut, what I would imagine harry’s peen to look like, really cute shit

Roman.

Hey.

Aaron.

hi

Roman.

Khai broke up with me, so. With us.

with Jay and I. And he left.

Aaron.

oh my god...im sorry Ro

Roman.

Can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

Aaron.

what did he say? Like why...?

Roman.

He told us that he loved us but needed time to work on himself or whatever.

Aaron.

I don’t know Khai that well but it does seem like he’s got a lot of shit to figure out

how are you doing with it?

and jayc? Should I reach out to her or....does she not know we’re talking

Roman.

you can talk to her if you want. I think we both just don’t really know how to feel to be honest.

Aaron.

im sorry

i hope he's okay

and i hope you and Jayc are okay too

Roman.

don’t be lol honestly Aaron, I set myself up for it the second I agreed to close myself off, knowing all of the issues I need to work through as well

contrary to popular belief, I’m far from having it all figured out.

Aaron.

that makes two of us

that was quick tbh

Roman.

Yeah. I just feel like an idiot.

Aaron.

what no....thats not what i meant

Roman.

anyway.

how are you

Aaron.

okay....no please dont feel like an idiot. its his fault not yours

im....okay....getting better than i was last week

miss you though not gonna lie

Roman.

I miss you, too. A lot.

Aaron

:(

im sorry

idk why i am i just feel like i need to apologize

Roman.

you have nothing to be sorry for lol at all

if anything, I’m sorry.

for bringing you into all this drama

and making you eat at a Chinese buffet lol

Aaron.

making me eat at a Chinese buffet is the only thing you have to be sorry for

also

i inserted myself into this mess as well. and didn't pull out once i realized who you were to landon

Roman.

does it make me immature if I laugh at you saying you didn’t pull out once?

Aaron.

RO

YES BUT IM HERE FOR IT

Roman.

I might just be high, but now I can’t stop laughing lol

Aaron.

sksjks

im sober and laughing so

well not sober

i had a few drinks

Roman.

everyone knows you’re a lightweight Aaron, stop tryin’ to be sly lol

Aaron.

who you callin a lightweight, lightweight?

Roman.

only when I haven’t eaten anything LIGHTWEIGHT

Aaron.

https://tenor.com/view/uncalled-gif-5394176

michelle tanner voice

Roman.

You miss me. Just a reminder.

Aaron.

you miss me

another reminder

Roman.

I’m not the one calling you rude lol

Aaron.

you called me out for being a lightweight and i retaliated

forgive me

Roman.

you’re in denial is what you are :fingerguns2:

but I’ll forgive you.

Aaron.

idk you'd think for how much i drink i'd have a higher tolerance

i need therapy

Roman.

probably lol I’ll go with you

Aaron.

lol couples counseling?

jk

jk

Roman.

I actually think it would be quite funny to see what they have to say about US

Aaron.

i need a therapist to tell it like it is

then again i do have ali

that woman calls me out on my shit literally daily

maybe shes just a free therapist

Roman.

LMAO that’s...amazing. I like her already.

Aaron.

she do be driving me up a wall

but

shes family

Roman.

Ah, family. I’ve been trying to get my sister here, but she’s being an ass lol

Aaron.

asshat

who wouldn’t want to move to New York

Roman.

satans demons.

Aaron.

exactly

whats keeping her from coming?

Roman.

she’s not as hellbent on big cities as I am lol

Aaron.

weird

city life has always been for me

arent you from manchester? is that not a big city?

Roman.

it’s not New York lol

she lives in the country now though.

Aaron.

no city is new york

Roman.

exactly lol

Aaron.

what are you doing

besides getting high

Roman.

I’m naked on the couch eating cherry gilato while watching good mythical morning on YouTube

Aaron.

i would very much like to be naked on a couch with you

Roman.

I painted my nails and did a facial first lol i could do yours as well

Aaron.

ill take the facial

i couldn't pull off the nails though

Roman.

you’d look so kickass with some black nails

Aaron.

you think?

Roman.

hell yes. Even a sky blue, like those eyes

Aaron.

i blush

maybe we can try the toe nails first

in case I end up hating them

Roman.

OH, I’m also trained in Swedish massage, head to toe. If you want a personal spa day

Aaron.

that would just give me a boner

Roman.

well, it’s a FULL body massage after all.

Aaron.

sksjsks

dont tempt me

Roman.

Aaron. I just.

is it bad that I don’t want to stay away from you anymore?

that’s a dumb question

I know it’s bad.

Aaron.

its not dumb

I don’t want to stay away from you either

but I promised Landon

Roman.

I know. So did I.

You’re right, I’m sorry.

Aaron.

he’s my best friend

dont be sorry

im glad you’re being honest with me

I just don’t see Landon being okay with this anytime soon

Roman.

I know! I know. He’s mine too, and I care about him more than I care to admit. I shouldn’t be like this.

Aaron.

damn this is fucked up

Roman.

I shouldn’t have said anything

Aaron.

I wish this could be easier

im the one that started with the boner references

Roman.

Not really. I offered you a massage

Aaron.

okay yes but

I told you I wanted to be naked with you

Roman.

because I said I was naked

Aaron.

I just don’t want you blaming yourself that’s all

Roman.

I know, but it is what it is. I made a mess of everything, and now everything I had is ruined lol I deserve it.

Aaron.

Ro

I’m sad you think so little of yourself

Roman.

I don’t. It’s just consequences. I made bad decisions, and now I have to deal with the consequences. That’s all. It’ll all be okay.

Aaron.

I wish I could make you feel better

Roman.

you already do. I promise.

Aaron.

I just smiled

Roman.

show me?

Aaron.

sure

Roman.

omg bad idea my heart

Aaron.

oop

Roman.

you’re so fucking jahshsbzjdndjendj

Aaron.

AKDJDJAKALhdja

Roman.

I’m mad at you

for looking like that

Aaron.

Well i can’t stop thinking about u

Roman.

let me just

Aaron.

yeah I kept drinking

and as we’ve established I’m a lightweight

okay I showed you a selfie now you should be a selfie

Roman.

oh yeah? Trying to boss me around again are ya?

Aaron.

do what daddy says

Roman.BOTToday at 2:02 AM

yes daddy.

Aaron.

brb gotta go jack off

Roman.

stoppppp

Aaron.

not kidding

Roman.

you don’t need a better picture than that to do the deed

??? Lolll

Aaron.

I mean....you could send me some

Roman.BOTToday at 2:09 AM

Does this help?

Aaron.

holy fuck

ugh I wanna fuck you so bad

and put all of you in my mouth

Roman.

I want it too. I shouldn’t, but I do. I want you to fuck me with my hands tied behind my back, and you pulling on my collar from behind.

Aaron.

fuck don’t put those thoughts in my head or I’ll act up

I wanna tie you up so bad

and punish you for being so naughty

Roman.

I’d want to call out your name so loud, but you’d have to let me.

Aaron.

you can’t do anything without my permission

Roman.

I’ll do my best daddy. You know I like to make you proud.

Aaron.

Ro I just came into a sock so hard

I want you so bad but the fact I can’t have you makes that even hotter to me

Roman.

forbidden fruit, hm?

Aaron.

you’re my forbidden fruit for sure

Roman.

wish I could have been there to help

Aaron.

you did enough helping trust me

Roman.

are we terrible people lol

Aaron.

I know

we are

im trying though

so that’s gotta count for something

Roman.

I hope it does, for both our sakes lol

Aaron.

if this doesn’t work out we can always be together in hell

Roman.

that sounds like a rightful ending

at least I’ll be tan.

Aaron.

we’ll both be hot and tan chilling in hell together

and we can fuck all we want

Roman.

sounds like the next big Netflix series.

Aaron.

could you imagine a Netflix series about us

Roman.

no, I’m scared to lol it would be more insane than Tiger King

Aaron.

you think our lives are more insane than Tiger King?!?

Roman.

scary, right??

Aaron.

thats definitely...quite the comparison

Roman.

I would have loved to have seen your face watching it for the first time

Aaron.

watching that together would have been so fun

I can picture us watching that and freaking out together

Roman.

maybe one night we’ll trip acid and watch it again

Aaron.

confession I’ve never tripped before

Roman.

whaaaaaa

do it with me!

Aaron.

I mean yeah I used to do a lot of coke when I got drunk and sometimes still do but that been the extent of my drug use

hahaha I will trip with you, Roman Beckett

Roman.

aces! Just tell me when and where, and it’s a plan!

Aaron.

”aces”

but yeah let’s do it this weekend

Roman.

I’m British you knob. Shut up lol

Aaron.

I know MATE I was making fun of you

Roman.

sends long audio clip making fun of Aaron’s New York accent

Aaron

brooooo

I do say that though

Roman.

I know, I’ve listened to you talk enough

it’s cute though

ready for bed?

Aaron.

just about

I was gonna go to bed a while ago but wanted to keep texting you

Roman.

same.

tuck me in lol

Aaron.

do u want me to tell you a bedtime story

Roman.

yes, but make it snappy

and I want warm milk

Aaron.

damn

so bossy

but okay

Roman.

you know I’m spoiled.

Aaron.

that must’ve been my fault

okay Des like this one:

By the African river, know as the Nile The sun fell away and it rested a while The rhinos had braved all the smoldering heat They lay down to sleep as they wiped off their feet The elephants marched to their elephant beds And gently they rested their elephant heads Slowly the hippos sank into the river The water so cold that it gave them a shiver (Hippos can't swim, like the pelicans think They also can't float, they could easily sink) The hippos went bathing in cool, shallow pools Thinking the rhinos and elephants fools Underwater, they fell to the soft river bed On darkish green plants with a smidgen of red They strolled on the bottom, then bounced up for air They did it for hours, without any care The fish followed closely, and wove in an out Under their belly, and up to their snout Each of the hippos came up to the shore To feed on the grass by the river once more They dried off their bodies by shaking and stomping And took bites of grass, chewing and chomping With night fading fast, they were full from the feast The sun returned back, rising up form the east The hippos crept off to collapse for the day While rhinos and elephants got up to play Enjoying the warmth of the sun and its light Never knowing the story of hippos at night

just read it in my New York accent you’re so good at

goodnight Lois

Roman.

that was perfect. Goodnight Clark.

[petersasteria]

Life - Brad Simpson AU (Part 4)

Requested by: @iconicnins

Here’s: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Slight mention of Harry Styles and Liam Payne on this part.

You barged in Henry and Sarah's room with the ham behind your back. All three kids were there, and it's perfect. Henry and Audrey were binge watching YouTube videos of ThatcherJoe (Joe Sugg) whilst Sarah was on her bed.

"Do we have mustard?" you asked cheerfully.

"I don't know. Why?" Henry asked, smiling with Audrey.

"We've got ham!" you cheered and showed them the ham.

Audrey and Henry smiled, but looked at you weirdly.

"I sold a car!" you grinned. Henry and Audrey gasped and congratulated you.

You hugged Henry and Audrey, when you noticed Sarah feeling blue. You let go of the two kids, and sat on Sarah's bed. Henry and Audrey sat back down in front of the computer watching YouTube videos. (a/n: *insert fave YouTuber*)

"What's up?" you asked softly.

"Hippo's mommy and daddy are still on vacation." Sarah replied.

You looked at Henry and Audrey. Once they saw the look on your face, they understood.

"We're gonna go slice the ham." Audrey said as she got the ham and went out of the room followed by Henry. You looked back at Sarah and said, "They've been gone a long time."

"That's because they went really far away." Sarah said sadly.

"Where did they go?" you asked her even though you already knew. She didn't answer. She fumbled with Hippo's ribbon around its neck. "Honey, where did they go?" you asked again.

"Heaven." she answered simply.

"That's right, sweetie." you smiled sadly at her.

"And now, there's no one to give him a birthday party." Sarah said looking at you.

"When's Hippo's birthday?" you asked.

"Today." Sarah said.

"Today?! Why didn't you tell me? I'll cook the ham some other time. Let's go out to celebrate." you smiled at her.

Goodbye delicious ham. Looks like you'll be in the fridge.

You're now sat in a restaurant with the three kids and Hippo, of course.

"Say 'Hippo'!" the waiter said as he took your picture.

"Hippo!" you all said. You gotta admit it was cringe worthy,  but it was for Sarah anyway.

The waiter, Connor, was a really good friend of yours so he was able to get you  guys a decent table even though you weren't able to get a reservation first.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Con. Especially on short notice." you thanked him. Bless Connor Ball's heart. Bless him.

"It's no problem. I'd do anything for you, Y/N! We're best friends!" Connor smiled at you. "You seem to be hanging out with a new crowd." he added as he looked at the kids.

"Oh, yeah. Today's a very special day. You see, it's Hippo's b-" you weren't able to finish your sentence, because Connor interrupted you.

"I'm really sorry to interrupt you, Y/N. But I have to go now. The VIPs are here. I'm really sorry." Connor said sadly. You knew you weren't going to be angry at him for too long. How could you possibly get angry at him for too long when he looks like a lost puppy?

"It's totally fine. It's your job anyway." you smiled at him.

"Thank you! Excuse me." Connor left your side and entertained the VIPs.

All four of you watched him entertain the VIPs and sent them all a fake smile. Connor hated stuck up people. He shook hands with the three VIPs and greeted them.

"Hey Con!" one girl said from the group. She was holding hands with your ex; Harry Styles.

"Hi." Connor replied quickly so he can get over it.

"Harry just got the Burberry campaign." another girl said.

Wow. Harry seemed to be doing fine. I mean, he has two hoes around him, but he seems happy.

"Congratulations." Connor said with no energy whatsoever. He led them to their table and left immediately whilst another waiter handed them the menus.

All four of you just looked away.

"Can I get you guys anything for dessert?" the waiter, Liam, asked. He's also your friend. When you were still working at Monique's modeling agency, you and your colleagues go to this restaurant all the time that's why you knew Liam. On the other hand, you and Connor were childhood best friends. He needed a job, and you got him the job he has now. He's doing pretty well and he's now the head waiter.

"Oh! Can I have another cappuccino please?" Audrey asked politely.

You looked at Audrey with a smile and looked at Liam, "Make that decaf and I'll have the same thing, but not decaf." Liam nodded and waited if Henry and Sarah are going to add something. When they didn't say anything, he turned to leave.

"Um, Liam? Liam!" you stood up from your seat and called for Liam. "Excuse me, Liam." you added as he turned around.

"Hi. Do you think you could sing happy birthday?" you asked.

"Who's the birthday kid?" Liam asked with a smile. He's obviously in for the idea of singing. This means he can use his skill/talent: singing and beatboxing.

"Actually it's Hippo's birthday." you bit your lip nervously hoping he would agree.

Liam's expression made you think he's having second thoughts or he's not going to do it.

"You want me to sing to a hippo?" Liam asked with a facial expression you can't read.

(a/n: kinda like this so u have visuals and I know it’s Troye Sivan don’t fight me)

"Yeah." you shrugged.

"I'll take care of it." Liam smiles and left. You thanked him and sat back down.

Just as you sat down, Connor and a different waiter went up to your table. The waiter had a tray of 4 drinks you DIDN'T order.

"Another round of Double Cherry Shirley Temples!" Connor said with a lot of energy. He  only has the energy around you. Connor put down the drinks on your table.

"Oh no." you were shocked. Connor ignored your protests and said, "And this is for you, Y/N." He put down the drink in front of you.

"Compliments to the gentleman right over there." Connor smiled and looked at the gentleman he was referring to before he left.

You followed his gaze and saw Harry raising his glass to you and nodded his head at you as if saying cheers. You mouthed a 'thank you' to him and did the same thing.

A minute later, Liam came back with a slice of cake (with a candle on it of course) and said, "Okay! This one's for Hippo!" he put the cake in front of Sarah and started getting everyone's attention. He beatboxed 'happy birthday' and it was amazing! Everyone in the restaurant clapped and cheered.

* * * *

A few days later, Nilma offered to take the kids out on a trip. Of course you said yes. You ran outside the apartment building and caught up to Nilma.

"Wait! Nilma! Wait! I forgot the money for their lunch!" you said as you ran to her.

"There's no need for that, Y/N. I already packed lunch." Nilma smiled at you.

"Well, if they want to buy a book or anything-"

"Y/N, it's okay. I've got it covered. You're a free woman! Go and have some fun! I'll text you when we get back." Nilma said. You smiled at her and gave her a hug.

Now, you didn't know where to go. You instantly thought of a place and decided to walk there.

* * * *

You felt so stupid. Why were you even here? You walked up the stairs and saw Brad's office door open. His back was facing you, so he didn't see you yet. This was your chance to leave. As you turned to leave, Brad turned around and saw you. "Y/N?" Brad said.

At this moment you turned around so fast you didn't see the last step. You basically Jennifer Lawrence'd up the stairs.

(a/n: kinda like this except you tripped on the last step going up)

"Are you okay?!" Brad asked worriedly.

You immediately stood up and brushed your clothes and said, "Yeah I'm fine."

"What brings you here?" Brad asked as he turned around and went back to what he was doing. He was fixing his bag and putting some stuff into it.

"Nothing. Are you free?" you asked with confidence.

"What?" Brad turned around so fast and was really shocked. He didn't expect you to ask him if he was free, let alone come to see him. His face was priceless.

"Are you free?" you repeated.

"No. Actually, I'm not. I've got a lunch date." Brad said as he turned around again and zipped his bag closed.

"Oh." your face falls in disappointment.

"You can come with me, though." Brad said as he walked towards you and closed his office door.

Next thing you knew, you were sitting on the bleachers in Brad's hockey game. Who knew pastors could have a game of hockey? Of course they can, but you didn't expect them to have teams. It's just like a normal hockey game. The only difference is that the players are pastors. In the end, Brad's team won the game. It was really fun.

-time skip after lunch bc I'm lazy is brought to you by Connor Ball's birthday-

You reached your apartment with Brad following behind you. "And that's why I hate prom." you told Brad as he chuckled and shake his head.

You leaned against the wall and faced Brad. "Thank you for today, Brad. I really had fun." you said to him.

He leaned in to kiss you, but you looked away. "I'm sorry. It's a little weird don't you think?" you told him.

"Why? Is it because I'm a pastor?" Brad asked, slightly hurt.

You hated hurting other people's feelings, but you can't lie to their faces either. You couldn't say anything, so you just nodded slightly.

"You don't think I'm sexy, because I'm not a party kind of guy?" Brad chuckled. You know that chuckle we all do when we're really hurt? Yeah, that kind of chuckle.

"It's not like that." you said with a sad smile as Brad looked directly into your Y/E/C eyes.

"Let me tell you something, Y/N. Whether you agree or not, I'm sexy. God made me this way. I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it." Brad said as he carried his bag and turned to leave. He pressed the 'down' button of the elevator and waited.

"Wait a minute." you said. Screw it. He's really nice and he won't cheat on you. He's every girl's ideal man. He turned around to face you probably asking himself what you could possibly need now.

"That was kinda sexy." you told him. He threw his bag on the floor and walked towards you. You immediately pulled him in and kissed each other passionately.

Suddenly the door opened, revealing Henry and Audrey. You immediately pulled away and blushed.

"Uh, Nilma? Have you met the principal of our school?" Audrey asked Nilma as she stood next to her carrying Sarah.

"Hi." Bradley said sheepishly.

"Hi." Nilma said holding back a smirk on her face.

Brad looked at you and awkwardly said, "Uh, I gotta go. Thank you for today! Bye."

"Mhm. Thank you. Bye." you said as he picked up his bag and pressed the elevator button again.

You went inside your apartment (which is apartment 1D *wink wink*) and closed the door.

"So, uh, I guess you're all getting A's." you joked.

"Yeah!" Henry and Audrey cheered jokingly.

Nilma and Sarah just laughed at the two.

Lmao reblog if you liked it

[eledritch]

arizonan keith

step aside, texan keith. @daddyroboarm thank you for bringing this hc to light

Arizonan Keith just works so much better, y'all. It makes way more sense that the Galaxy Garrison & Keith’s shack are in Arizona’s Sonoran Desert rather than in Texas. So as your resident Arizona Expert™ let me explain why:

NASA uses the sonoran desert to simulate the harsh climate of the moon for future lunar missions

it makes sense that the Garrison would do the same, and it even suggests they do in the Wiki

the astronauts of the apollo 11 mission literally practiced the moon landing in arizona at one of our extinct volcanic sites, cinder lake. we have a lot of extinct volcanoes here. 

the desert seen in the show looks very similar to the sonoran desert, especially the monument valley area

one of the most famous US UFO sightings, the phoenix lights, was in az. the state is also ranked one of the top areas for UFO sightings (over 3,000 reported since 1950)

there are a lot of sketchy military/government bases and projects in az. because it’s a desert with huge stretches of empty space, mountains, subterranean caves, and no people, it’s the perfect place for SECRETS. 

One of the US’s largest and most important Air Force bases, Luke Air Force Base, is located in the Sonoran Desert aND I’M SCREAMIN BC THE VOLTRON FONT AND THE FONT ON THEIR WEBSITE IS UMMM ALMOST IDENTICAL OK the universe is trying to tell us the truth. 

their mission is “to train the world’s greatest F-16 fighter pilots and maintainers, while deploying mission ready warfighters.” does that remind you of a certain...galaxy...garrison......

we have a plethora of dangerous/badass native animals (if keith’s fav animal is a hippo you know he’s into the scary side of the animal kingdom) including bears, pumas, scorpions, snakes, tarantulas, poisonous toads, africanized honey bees, centipedes, black widows, & gila monsters.

even the plants are badass. cacti. everywhere. but texas has cacti too, you say. but it doesn’t have saguaros, the biggest cactus species in the usa. guess not everything’s bigger in texas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the state has a pretty wild history and there are all sorts of quirky Keith-esque places i.e. 

eerie ghost towns, 

archaeological sites/amazing native american city ruins

so many ancient volcanoes that we have a state volcano map

a town full of wild burros (donkeys)

our first governor was a Freemason & is buried in a literal white pyramid

a haunted town on the side of an ancient extinct volcano that used to have a copper mine

mountains that according to legend are the location of the lost dutchman gold mine

volcanoes? NASA? ghosts? gold? history? conspiracy theories? aliens? SOUND FAMILIAR? AZ KEITH, Y’ALL. now that ur (hopefully) convinced, hc’s below the cut!

keith rly likes cacti. he thinks they’re admirable plants, especially saguaros. it blew his mind when he first learned saguaros get to be 200 years old so whenever he passes a really big one he’s like ya done good, buddy, keep it up

keith is usually at least a little sunburned somewhere on his body. even wearing jackets and jeans and boots and a bandanna isn’t enough to save him from the sun, but it’s cool, he’s accepted his fate and keeps a lot of aloe vera on hand

keith frequents circle k (apparently we have a lot of circle k’s here, which i didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out to me and...yeah. we do)

he makes various foods out of prickly pear cactus fruits. salad dressing, juice, lemonade, jam, prickly pear jalapeño jelly, don’t knock it til u try it. 

az has the most lax weapon laws ever; keith takes full advantage and carries knives everywhere he goes. he also can’t wait to be 21 because in arizona it is literally legal for anyone 21+ to carry concealed knives of any kind, as many as you want, go wild (u think that’s bad our gun laws are even wilder)

keith fears javelinas. fears, but respects them

he thinks tarantulas are pretty neat tho

keith loves bobcats??? & wishes he could pet one but also likes his hands

sometimes keith howls back to the coyotes at night and hoots back to the owls, sometimes they answer

he does not scream back to the mountain lions

he likes to tempt fate so he bought a blacklight and shines it around his shack at night, he gets a little thrill out of seeing all the scorpions light up. also, scorpions are edible. keith is not picky

he shakes his boots out every morning because scorpions tend to crawl into them. he names them all (thanks for the hc @keithhawke)

he’s been stung by various horrifying desert animals (bark scorpions, tarantula hawks, desert centipedes, velvet ants, blister beetles, tHE LIST GOES ON) on multiple occasions, he has a high pain tolerance

despite that, one time he got bitten by a gila monster and thought death was coming for him because it hurt so bad

he collects shed snakeskins and cactus skeletons that he finds, and gets excited whenever he finds fallen cactus blossoms

Keith wears gloves so his hands don’t get full of cacti spines!

he has a family of gila woodpeckers who live in a saguaro near his shack and he checks up on them daily

one of keith’s favorite things to do/rituals is to watch the desert sunset. no matter what, he stops what he’s doing to watch it [insert sad missing shiro hc here]

KEITH LOVES MONSOONS. thunder, lightning, flash floods are less fun but he loves to climb to a high point and just watch as the landscape is transformed

Keith is less fond of haboobs (dust storms, but c’mon, if I have the opportunity to call them haboobs I’m calling them that), to understand the full experience of a haboob please watch this video of a haboob ruining a wedding it’s probably one of the best videos ever

Keith knows some Spanish. One of the popular hc’s in the fandom that bothers me is that Keith knows zero spanish, none at all, which makes no sense for Texan Keith or Arizonan Keith. He knows some, in the very least knows how to pronounce Spanish words (i.e. Gila, saguaro, javelina)

he also fucking loves fry bread, it’s cheap, easy, and delicious

Keith has low tolerance for cold weather. Like, 70 degrees is considered cool for a lot of people here, 85 is a nice day, 100 is pretty hot, 105 is bearable, it gets to 110+ every summer. He has even lower tolerance for humidity, it’s a dry heat.

Keith has never seen snow (or at least, not like REAL east coast snow)

Keith wishes he had a swimming pool. He makes do with the nearby river, though, even if the water is kind of brown, in 115 degrees you make do

Keith is in denial that black clothes absorb heat. He will suffer for his aesthetic, damn it. 

Keith freaks out when they go to a planet that has a ton of trees/greenery and the other paladins are like ??? not every place is as barren as the Garrison duh but Keith WILL NEVER GET OVER IT, HE IS IN AWE

Keith is a lowkey Sun Devils fan, fight me

Keith has mastered the art of driving in a literal oven with a scorchingly hot steering wheel as all Arizona drivers have, ANOTHER REASON FOR HIM TO WEAR GLOVES

Keith has 100% attempted to cook eggs on his dashboard/roof/porch in the summer, with...limited success, he’s not gonna stop trying tho

fellow arizonans or az keith enthusiasts feel free to add more!!

[tialovestelevision]

Fear, Itself

Back over to Buffy, now, for another one-shot episode. These have habitually been where the series has hit both its biggest highs and its worst lows, though season finale arcs are the most reliably good content it produces. Hopefully, we’re heading for a high with this one. It’s a Halloween episode. That might help… the last one of those was wonderful. 1. Our Previously On is reminding us of the worst part of the most recent episode. That’s fun. 2. Oh, hey, commando guys. I could go for that plotline getting picked back up. 3. Pumpkin carving! Xander’s pumpkin is mocking him. And has self-loathing. 4. Oz made a spider. 5. Oz is also not scared of hippos in tutus, but Fantasia is scary. Night on Bald Mountain is great Halloween viewing. 6. Xander, not being in college, is out of the loop. He lied about having better things to do. 7. Buffy didn’t touch her pumpkin. Because she has had her guts ripped out and doesn’t want to inflict that on others. 8. Xander wants to smack Parker. For once, we are in agreement. Though I could also go for Angel-style photoexplosive defenestration. 9. Guy jumped out in front of Buffy in a demon mask and got punched. You shouldn’t do that in Sunnydale. You shouldn’t do that anywhere. 10. “Guest starring Kristine Sutherland.” 11. Insert complaint about them using “wicca” to describe the show’s fictional magic here. Insert it retroactively into every episode summary where they did this before. Insert it forward into every episode summary where they do it hereafter. I’m not a neopagan of any sort, so I don’t have a ton to say on the subject, but it’s not a great thing to do. 12. Willow is using college to experiment with magic. Oz is expressing concern but also being supportive. Parker is hanging out with girls in the dining hall. 13. Buffy can take a holiday from dealing with stuff. It’s Halloween. Nothing ever happens on Halloween. 14. Giles is in a racially insensitive costume. He thinks it’s festive. He cares about Halloween. He has an electronic dancing Frankenstein monster hanging from a rope. Buffy does not like his hat. 15. Giles is offering Buffy chocolate. She should take some. 16. The frat guys are setting up a haunted house. They need Oz’s help, because Halloween is about getting laid. Arbor Day is not about getting laid. 17. They’re also going to paint a mystical symbol upstairs. From an old book. Stupid frat boys. 18. Anya is visiting Xander. Xander accepts the words people say at face value, unless those words are a rejection, in which case he continues to pursue you or blackmails someone who will later become a rat to overwrite your free will. 19. Anya says that Xander has little in common with Willow and Buffy. She is right. 20. Anya and Xander have a date to the party. 21. Professor Walsh doesn’t have mercy. I’ve never seen a college professor threaten to drop a student for two unexcused absences. 22. Does Riley know that the things that go bump in the night don’t bump on Halloween? 23. Xander had a chance to defuse the plot of the episode. He got distracted by seduction grapes. 24. Now Oz cuts himself and drips blood into the magic circle. It brought a plastic spider to life. 25. Joyce is fixing Buffy’s Little Red Riding Hood hood. 26. I imagine Joyce avoids candy these days. 27. Buffy is full of sad because men are awful. 28. Joyce made no new friends their first year in Sunnydale. Then she met Pat. 29. Joyce says she will always be there for Buffy. I have no comment. 30. Now there’s people TPing campus. 31. Willow is a Crusader, and intends to axe murder Parker. 32. There is a lobster having a relationship fight with a present. 33. The eyeball grapes are eyeballs, now. Xander and Oz are bad at things. 34. Xander is James Bond. Buffy has weapons in her basket. Willow is Joan of Arc, apparently, because of that whole stake thing. 35. Oz is God. It says so on his nametag. 36. They just ran across the commando guys. Oz said they’re dressed as NATO 37. Party broke up because of the things that are happening. And I think someone died. 38. Nope. She’s still alive. 39. But someone else fell down the stairs and possibly died. A demon wants to be released. 40. “If I were Abbott and Costello, this would be fairly traumatic.” 41. There is an actual spider on Willow. But it’s a tarantula. They aren’t terribly dangerous. 42. Buffy found actual blood. And they all found bats. All kinds of bats. 43. The bats vanished. One of them turned to rubber. 44. Demon really wants to get released. 44. Anya is a bunny! 45. Bunny Anya can’t find the door. 46. And now the windows are going away. Anya does not like this. 47. Xander has turned invisible and inaudible, or something. The pop-out skeleton is alive now and has a knife. 48. Buffy killed the skeleton. She got a little cut. Nobody can perceive Xander still. 49. That was not the best comeback, Willow. 50. Now the house has split the party. 51. And Oz is starting to shift. Slowly. This is a very bad thing. 52. He scratched Willow. Now Willow is alone. 53. Oh, look. The evil face can see Xander. He can hang out with the evil face. 54. Willow summoned a light. She wants to find Oz, but indecision has got her surrounded by glowy bug things that hate her indecision. 55. Now Buffy falls into a basement. There’s sand and graves. 56. Frat boy has a broken neck and is beating on Buffy’s self esteem. And summoning death hands. 57. “We’re going to have to create a door.” “Create a door? You can do that?” “I can.” Chainsaw. 58. Are those hellhounds chasing Buffy? 59. Not hellhounds. And she got away. She’s upstairs. 60. Everyone is terrified. Things really have come apart. And everyone is hallucinating, apparently, because what was happening to them isn’t any more. 61. Oh, look, they found the mark and the book.The demon is Gachnar. 62. Giles is here, with a chainsaw. And Anya too. This is helpful. Except he reads aloud and stops talking when someone does something ill-advised. Now Buffy’s summoned Gachnar. 63. Who is about four inches tall. 64. “Xander, don’t taunt the fear demon.” “Why? Can he hurt me?” “No. It’s just tacky.” 65. Buffy squished Gachnar. 66. Buffy is having chocolate. As she should. 67. Anya is scared of bunnies. 68. The picture of Gachnar in the book was at actual size. Overall: Was having the demon be tiny part of the original idea for the episode and they threw in all the terror and death and general mayhem to build to that moment, or was it a way out without going over their allotted time for the episode? Either way, it worked, though it’s a little strange to be giggling madly at a being that managed to murder at least one person and horribly traumatize dozens of others. I enjoyed that. It was a horror episode with a comedy climax, and was oddly satisfying. I think I’m done with TV blogging for the night. I’m seriously not looking forward to the next episode of Angel.