#insert patrick heart eyes gif

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Domestic Joys - An American Psycho Drabble (Fluff, Naughty and Trad Vibes)

(I know I said I wouldn't really post on here, but I'm gonna try little drabbles that would be too short to post on AO3, hope you all like this fluffy self insert crap 💕😅)

I heard him step inside the apartment encased in white, sighing loudly. Clearly, he was exhausted from work. The sounds of me crunching on snacks, manipulating the Xbox controller, shooting undead Nazis, and blasting Rammstein, surrounded by stuffed animals as I sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket, greeted him. After he set his briefcase and black wool coat aside, he walked past me, entering the kitchen to wash his hands. He smirked as he noted the clean dishes, organized just as he liked them in the cabinets, and the smell of meatballs cooking in the crock pot.

He proceeded to look around the kitchen, nodding as he analyzed how spotless everything else was. He walked back to his bedroom, noting the perfectly made bed. He walked past his closet full of suits, all organized to his liking. When he stepped into the bathroom to pee, he could tell the floor was shiny, the bathtub, shower, and toilet cleaned, and his robes and towels folded.

"My," he smirked as he finally stepped back out into the living room, lastly noticing the lit candles and swept up and dusted floors and furnature. "Looks like someone got their chores done."

I smiled back at him. "Well, of course! You go to work and provide for me! You deserve to have a clean apartment to come home to and a dinner being made!"

"Mmmm..." He gave a pervy smile as he sat down, wrapping an arm around me. "That's my girl..."

I blushed and paused my game as he proceeded to kiss my neck multiple times. "I know that you enjoy making sure everything is nice and clean, and making delicious dinners for me... you've done such a good job with your dedication..."

"Patrick!" I giggled.

He proceeded to get on top of me, pressing me down into the (slutty) white couch. "Mmm...one would think you're my wife if they didn't know we're merely boyfriend and girlfriend...I don't remember the last time a girl was sweet enough to cook and clean for me..."

"I just want to do nice things for you, Patty..." I smiled. "I love to see how happy I can make you..."

"So selfless..." He planted a kiss on my lips. "Such a sweet good girl..."

He nuzzled against my forehead, making me giggle more as he wrapped his muscular body all around me. I was a bit surprised as 200 pounds of warm muscle weighed me down, but he made me feel safe. "You cook for me... You clean up after me... And at the end of the day, I come home where you're ready to relieve my stress with your own body...such a sweet good girl you are...the woman I've always wanted...you know how to keep me so happy: warm feet, a full belly, and empty balls..."

"Mmmm...Pat-" I couldn't finish my sentence as he gave me a quick nip on my neck, making me gasp in surprise.

"I'm the man you always wanted, huh?" He continued. "A strong man who gets up and gets a girl for himself... one who can bring out the woman in the most stubborn of them and get her loyalty all for himself..."

"Oh, Patrick," I teased. "What an ego on you, huh? Such hubris you have..."

"Admit it," he smirked. "You love it."

"Alas, I have a bad habit of spoiling the spoiled..."

He gave a laugh from the back of his throat and proceeded to kiss me. We locked lips and carcassed cheeks, our tongues making their way into our mouths. When we separated our lips, I gazed into his eyes, which always made my only desire to serve the one I held great affection for come to the surface. His smirking expression charmed me with such a confident demeanor, and merely imagining his naked body made my heart race. The way he held me by the chin was so dominating in how he commanded my respect.

"I love you, pumpkin..."

"I love you too, Yuppie Puppy..."

He finally got up off of me. "By the way...did I mention earlier on the phone to you I was thinking of inviting Nielson Powers over?"

I knitted my brows. "Wasn't he the one who called me fat?"

He nodded, his smile growing more devilish. "Yes, dear. And maybe you could cook us a nice dinner, and you could add something extra in for him. Maybe, rat poison, cyanide... rohypnol to knock him out before we film his torture..."

"Oh, Patrick," I giggled again. "Perhaps we shall! I'd love to gut him up!"

He smiled proudly. "I'd love to watch that..." He stood up and kissed my forehead. "My good girl, my little psycho baby..." He ruffled my hair. "Why don't you check the meatballs, baby? I'm gonna take a shower, and then you can help me with my meatballs..."

"You horndog!" I laughed as I stood up to go to the kitchen, before he slapped my ass, making me squeal.

"Oh, you pervert..." I shooed my hand and teasingly shaked my ass at him.

As he stepped into the bathroom to take his shower, I smiled as I continued to fix dinner. It was the domestic joys in-between our slaughter of his coworkers that made me smile the most, and look forward to the day we would become Mr. And Mrs. Patrick Bateman.

[xx-scene-queen-fangz-xx]

To the love, I left my conscience pressed between the pages of the Bible in the draw 

AN: I finally gained confidence to post this!!! Warning this is self insert scene kid trash the is only slightly better to my imortal. Thankies to @m1k3yr3v3ng3 for da support and lastly happy birthday Pete Wentz I love you so much (ps: if ur a swiftie who only knows Fall Out Boy from electric touch or a prep: DONT FUCKING FLAME)

Warnings: Self insert (that’s it, real ass name and all)

It was that last show of the tour and god was it amazing. I stood backstage watching as I watched my Boyfriend and his band rock out on stage.  I waved to Pete and blew him a kiss as he was playing the bass, he blew a kiss back and mouthed “I love you princess” causing hot pink blush to paint my face. 

“I would like to dedicate this song to my amazing girlfriend Ri and I actually wrote this about her” The crowd cheered at his words and I was extreamly curious on what song it was knowing that like 25% of the songs Pete wrote are about me. 

“I comb the crowd and pick you out, my mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out, it starts eyes closed then fingers crossed to I sware I say”  Patrick sang into the mic and I started blushed harder as Pete looked at me with love. It was XO! You know how every couple has a song, XO was our song. It was practically our love story as a song meaning that is like my favorite song ever. It even included how we met. I remembered that night like it was yesterday.

It was a warm and rainy Chicago night back in 2003, the night before I would graduate high school. me and my friends went into some bar for a concert, we had no idea who the band was, the poster just said it was a “surprise show” whatever that ment. I had on a hot pink skull tank top, black Tripp pants with hot pink accents, a beat up pair of black convers, and hot pink arm warmer with my bangs swept to the side. We where there a little early and with the black X on my right hand I was limited on what I could do so I just downed a few Sherly Temples and talked with my friends about what ever teenage girls talked about in 2003. 

The band finally came out, their name was Fall Out Boy and the first thing I could notice about them was how fucking hot their bass player was. The band was also fucking amazing but I could not keep my eyes off the bass player: Pete Wentz. He seemed a few years older than me and had on a bright red t-shirt which also had a skull, baggy black jeans, checkered vans, and his hair was a mix of spiked and shaggy. My heart was beating faster than usual and I felt hot which could have been from the crowed bar but also could have come from the fact there was a hot guy right in-front of me. 

As I left the bar I had 3 things on my mind: That fact that this was my last big high school adventure, all of the lyrics to the songs, and that I would most likely never see Pete agian. That was until I noticed my phone was missing, just as I turned around I saw Pete with my hot pink razr in his hands walking up to me. 

“Hey…. By any chance is this yours?” He asked as I blushed at the fact he was talking to a dork like me. “Oh ya… It is thanks, you guys were like fucking amazing out there tonight.” I replied. He chuckled at my complement “No way we found our first fangirl, well it was nice meeting you” 

“Wait… mind if we like talk” I asked him and shockingly, he agreed. He was really nice and we got along really well but after an hour I knew I needed to go. It was pouring rain out and I don’t know what got ahold of me but I decided I needed to confess my feelings. “Pete, I think I’m in love with you” I stated calmly, he looked at me for a second and then kissed me with all the passion in the world. “I think I love you too Ri” he replied as he put his forehead on mine. I ended up getting his phone number and we ended up going on a date two days later, we have been madly in love ever since.

As the final words were sung and and chords were played I saw Pete look at me then go up to the mic. “Anyways before we play the last song I would like to invite Ri onto the stage, you can come out baby there is nothing to fear” I giggled and walked out on stage, running into my boyfriends arms for a hug. I did not care about all the fangirls annoyed sighs or even the cheering of the crowd, it was only me and Pete who truly mattered in that moment. 

“You look so adorable baby you know that right” Pete whispered into my ear and then  peppered kisses all over my face. “I know handsome, you tell me that all the time” I giggle and kiss him on the lips softly. Over a few second the kiss turned into a sloppy make out as our tounges started to explore each others mouths as he pulls me close to his chest with his arms around my shoulders. 

“Get a room you two” We overhear Patrick over the crowds cheering. He was teasing us as if we were teenagers getting caught kissing behind the bleachers which causes the kiss to brake off. “Go fuck yourself Patrick” I scoffed and stuck out you tounge which caused to crowd to go fucking insane. 

“There is an extremely important I need to ask you after 5 years of us being together…. The time is right” I waited on baited breath as I saw my boyfriend get down on one knee and pull out a small black box and opened it up to see a Hot Pink diamond on and black ring band. “No way he is actully going do what I think he is going to do” I think to myself practically hearing my own thoughts as everyone goes quiet

“Will you marry me” He asked 

I look at him as of he hung the moon as my eyes started to water. It felt so unreal, like a scene from one of those crappy teen dramas where the main couple consisting of two 16 year olds get eloped. The quietness made me worry that I would mess up but I knew my answer like the back of my god damn hand.

“Duh, of course I want to marry you Pete” I hugged him tightly as soon as he got up.  He placed the ring on my right hand and kissed my hand softly causing me to laugh softly. Our eyes interlocked together and soon our lips connected like two pieces of a puzzle. 

The kiss was as sweet as honey but as addictive as death. His mouth pressed delicetly agenst mine caused shockwaves of love to be sent down my body. He ran his hand through my short dirty blond scene hair while his other curessed my cheek. I never wanted this kiss to end, I felt like i was in haven and Pete’s lips were the gates. He looked at me with love in his eyes as I softly thanked him “anything for you my clandestine queen” he replied as he swept me of my feet and spun me around. 

I knew I had to go but I was scilently begging to stay for the last song. I walked off stage as the band started playing Saturday, blowing a kiss to my now fiancée causing the crowd to cheer the loudest I ever heard.

I waited backstage for the show to end, still shocked from the engagement. How do I tell my friends and family cause they would have probably found out by now due to a low quality photo. The notifications on my MySpace must be crazy, but agian I’m a famous MySpace scene queen so they’re always crazy but now with my engagement I might brake the damn site. 

As soon as the show ended I ran into Pete’s arms, reuniting with my lover after what felt like forever but was only 5 minutes. “I think congrats are in order for Mr and Mrs Wentz” said Patrick as he walked passed the two of us in the middle of a warm embrace. “Now that I think about, your name sounds so cute with my last name.” Pete whispered in my ear causing me to smile softly as he whispered more sweet nothings. 

The next hour was filled with congratulations, phone calls from family and friends, and the whole band (minus Andy) taking shots to celebrate the tour. As the clock struck midnight, it was only Me and Pete due to the rest of the band going to the hotel earlier, we walked the streets of the city as the rain got more heavier. In the span of five minutes the rain went from a light drizzle to the heaviest downpour I have ever seen but the full moon was still viable. Our hands were interlocked as the rain rushed down soaking us, but we did not care. 

“Ri” Pete’s voice broke thought the atmosphere.  I looked at him a softly smile “what is it” I giggled softly. “Have I ever told you how much I fucking love you” I blush at Pete’s words and rolled my eyes. “You tell me that all the time babe, it’s the reason why your marrying me” I snap back playfully 

“Speaking of marriage…. What if we get married tonight, no one needs to know, we can deal is the public later.” Pete stated causing my breath to hitch as the rain got heavier. We could not get married tonight, he only proposed four hours ago and we have nothing planned or a single clue on what we are doing. I do like the idea of an elopement, considering we’re a “It couple” in some way I would be nice to get privcy from the world for once. Plus I really do wanna get married soon, who can blame me! 

“Maybe in a few days when we get back to Chicago. We can sneak off in the middle of the night to some like fancy park building, Patrick can officiate, we sign the papers and then I’m officially Mrs Wentz.” I  reply as I grasp my fiancée’s hand tighter and look into his hazel eyes. “That works” he said leaning in to kiss me. 

Everything about it was perfect: the pouring rain, the full moon, but most importantly the feeling of his lips on mine. It was gentle yet rough at the same time, his lips softly touched mine but his tounge exploded my mouth like he was going to die. It was sweet like candy but spicy like fire. When the kiss broke I felt like a heroin addict going through withdraw, begging for more. 

We stood in scilance for a minute or two just basking in each others love until Pete spoke up “I love you Ri”

“I love you too, Pete”

[ohhfrecklefreckle]

Pete skipping and bopping along to Get Lucky

[bausbitch]

I'm sorry

Reid x reader

ANGST AHAHA

Req but @blankets-for-bees

Warnings: kidnapping, established relationship, gunshot, Spencer being an ass at first, also this IS NOT really funny as my other works //read: I'll try because I'm just such a naturally good comedian,,,or a mental asylum escapee,,// 🤩 OH and a happy ending

Spencer had been,,,,

Awfully cold to you

For the last 6 months

Yeah, it was beginning to get on your nerves

It felt like living with a whole ghost 👻

And it wasn't like it was his work

You two had the same job for fucks sake

You even shared a home

But lately

Spencer would ONLY talk to you at work

And only when it was life or death

So basically when hotch paired you two up

And omg

The team

They had no idea

So they insisted you two sleep in the same room on this case

Bc you two are their fav couple!!!!!

But they didn't know that for the last six months

You were practically single

Except you couldn't go anywhere

And you wouldn't go out to flirt with people

Because you were a good s/o

*cough* unlike Spencer *cough*

Ok so this usub

The universe said

Fuck you, yn yln 🤩🤪🤡

This particular unsub

Kidnapped failing couples

And threw them in a house

A giant doll house

And sedated them

And played with them like dolls

And made them kiss and stuff

Like

Idk how to explain it

Like when you were little

And you didn't know you really LIKED liked girls

But you were always making your Frankie and ghoulia monster high dolls kiss in the first grade????

Or like

I think it's like ep 12 season 5

My best friend and I watched that one

Sigh

I miss her

Anyways

When you finally moved rooms

You walked in

And it felt like the weight of the world was lifted

Off of your shoulders

Don't worry the world is still pretty heavy

Issok though the world doesn't have to be a skinny legend

WAIT

This is supposed to be an angst

Ok

AHEM

Angsty angst angst

So you were like

Hell yeah

I'm gonna go chill in the jacuzzi

Then I'm gonna come back

And I'm gonna have a level head

Key words: come back

See, I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man

Okokok

So you were vibing in the jacuzzi

Then you saw Spencer

And

Gasp!

A woman that didn't look like any of the girls on the team was going into his room!!

You knew

You were being irrational

But you were like

Son of a bitch >:(

Alexa play jealousy by Monsta x

Anny. W. Ays

You went into the room

Or at least you knocked

And gasp

She answered

Ok

She seemed,,,

Suspicious

Probably bc she's the unsub yn you dumb bitch

And you were like

"Hey is Spencer in there?"

Like you WEREN'T his h*cking gf

And she straight up

PUNCHES YOU

Ok more like

Knocks you out with a blow to the face

And draws you inside

Ok now Spencers pov bc you're getting too much attention and he needs an explanation for making me play jealousy

Spencer

Oh god that I don't believe in how do I explain him

He was having a tough time

Ok wbk he's smart as hell

But when I comes to people who are FINE

Such as yourself

He gets a lil

*Patrick star from Spongebob noises*

So

Even if you guys had literally been dating for like

Five? Six? Years

He was starting to get scared

Bc

Ok so you guys had said the L world

You said it all the time

But

Spencer

He

He wanted to propose to you

Like

On one knee

Ring and everything

But he was scared

He was really really scared

Bc he wouldn't know what to do if you said no

Which

Why would you

You two were practically already married

You literally had a drunken, unofficial ceremony at Rossi's place one time

But he felt like

You wouldn't be ready

So he was like

Ok gotta set up a back up plan

If they reject me

And I have to go to work and see them

How do I not see them

How do I live without them?

Ah

I ignore them

😌

Plan: set

Spencer : fucking idiot

SO HE

He acted like you weren't there

And he eventually thought you were mad at him

Bc you weren't reaching out any more

Dumb bitch they think YOU'RE mad at them

Okokokok

Back to kidnapping

When he woke up

He was,,,,

*drum roll*

In a house?

A really nice house

Or at least the bedroom was nice

Or the roof of it

And what he could see from his peripheral vision

He could see you though

He could feel you

You were laying on his chest

Your arms around him

And he could tell you were still asleep

His serotonin levels went up higher than they had in months

Over the last six months he hadn't said a word

And he'd let you sleep on the couch

Smh and I thought he was a genius

But he missed you

But he had to make sure he was ready

To be honest

He probably knew what he was doing was irrational and the definition of idiotic

He also knew that by doing this he was maximising his chances of you not wanting to marry him

But he just

"Y'all hear smth?" -Spencer Reid, about his problems

Annie Oakley

Anyways

While he was too busy making heart eyes at your sleeping figure

Ya boy forgot to check if he could move

Turns out,,,,

He couldn't

Bc,,,,

*puts hands together like cat in the hat does*

This unsub, like I said before

SEDATED YOU TWO

So he waited

Until

The woman he unwillingly let into his hotel room, all by the service of a gun and a threat to his life 😄

Came and did whatever the fuck she was gonna do

Play with you guys more than my 6th grade crush played with my heart

And she did😋🥳🤩!!!!

But don't fret

She wasn't gonna hurt you

You had actually concluded the deaths were accidental

Just like me

Okoko so

She was strong

Like really fucking strong

Because she hauled both you and Spence

Into a little dining room

And served and fed you breakfast

You were connected to iv tubes

But still

But everything

The creepiest detail

According to me at least 💁✨

Was how all the food and everything

Were wood

Like

Toys for kids

Or something karuna satori would use in an asmr video

-

You woke up in the middle of,,,

Watching a movie on the couch with Spencer????

It was still daytime

Or so you thought

Bc the unsub pulled up

WITH A GUN

You don't have many things in life rn, but here's a list if things you do have, to cheer you up 😋

A lovely hole in your arm! V v useful for holding very small, thin, cups!!!

A v sad Spencer Reid! Comes with his own tears and despair!!! How fun!

And last but not least!

A wonderful speech from our sponsor!! //read: the unsub//

"Why must everything bad always happen to me! You two are very bad dolls! No one is a good doll, you're all useless and now I have to kill you >:("

Lmfao why does she sound like my bratty baby cousin

Anyways

"The FBI is at the door! Which one of you called them? You whore! It was probably you!"

First of all,,, how dare she

You didn't even THINK about other men in the 6 months your boyFRIEND ghosted you

So

Jokes on her

Second of all

You were bleeding out and Spencer was wiggling behind you

Probably a victory dance smh 😤

But then

GASP!!!

she went upstairs 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

And you heard voices

Morgan!!! Hotch!!! *insert police's name*!!

Then you passed out bc

💥bloodloss💥

And when you woke up

Spencer was fine

Physically

But he was hunched over

"Yn I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I was so scared I'd lose you if I proposed too early, and now I'm probably going to lose you without even saying a word. Honey I love you, I love you so much-"

And you were like

Hold up

LET GO OF MY HAND MF YOU MAY BE SKINNY BUT YOUR STRONG WTF

Then

"Did you say purpose?"

And he was like

"Yes(?) "

And you kissed him for the first time in sixth months

"Yes I'll marry, now let go of my hand"