#insert drum solo ( asks. )

[ghztspider]

what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

gwen says she's bi nb trans girl and she knows better than me.

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

Dead Robins Club

Summary: Jason and the boys are in a band and you're the bands social media manager.

Pairing: Photographer!Reader x Drummer!Jason Todd.

4.7k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, SMUT, Rock Band! AU, swearing, bondage with chains, teasing, choking, hair pulling, spanking, object insertion, man handling, pet names, dirty talk, probably something else very horny I forgot.

The music rings through the hall of the dark and atmospheric club, Tim's guitar solo brings the crowd forward, the patrons push the barricade to try and get closer to them. You step closer to the stage, keeping your security guard close as you pace behind the barricade hoping to find the perfect angle for the band's socials. Tim slides out in front of Damian who's belting the lyrics to their latest song so loud you’ll be surprised if he can talk after.

The crowd grows wild, people cheering and dancing behind you as you snap a photo of the two front men singing angrily into the microphone. 

"Oh my God!" A woman shouts behind you, "there he is. Fuck, he's so fine," you don't need to turn, knowing that she's staring at the now spotlighted drummer, sweat pouring off his head, the drumsticks twirling in his long fingers, those pretty blue eyes fixed on his drums. The chains on his pants rattling, his studded vest flapping with how fast his arms are moving, his curls plastered to his face with how much he’s sweating. 

"Looks like they're going to rush soon," a familiar voice whispers into your ear piece as you click the shutter on your camera. The 3 of them now in the shot, "head back, don't want another incident."

"Two seconds, Dickie. Get my margarita ready." You respond, turning to take a few pictures of the crowd and a few on your phone of the drummer, just for you, before you head backstage.

You meet Dick at the side of the stage, your drink already in his hand as he offers you a seat. "Don't know why they wouldn't let me book a bigger place," he says taking the seat next to you, "this place is packed and everyone on the internet is bummed they didn't get tickets."

"Makes it more exclusive," you shrug, moving your head so you can peer from behind the curtains at the flex of Jason's arms, "plus you know what they're like, they still think their small time."

You and Dick sit together, sometimes getting up to dance when the music compels you. But you're always watching him, the quick way his fingers twirl the drumsticks, how his legs flex as he beats the drums, his curls sweaty and sticking to his forehead. 

His eye catches yours for a moment and he smiles at you. Your heart starts to beat faster, your cheeks getting warm and your legs going gooey as you return the smile. Seeming to notice the effect he's having on you, he throws his favourite pair of drumsticks in the air before catching them and falling back into the song.

The crowd goes wild as the last song of the set comes to an end. Tim and Damian thank the crowd for coming out to see the last show The Dead Robins Club would be performing in this city, before the boys head to the side of the stage towards you. 

"Show us the pics!" Tim says coming up beside you and leaning over your shoulder, "did you get the mic toss?"

"I did and I got your power slide," you flick through your reel, showing him most of the pictures you took, all the ones on your official camera at least. The ones on your phone were, are, personal. And you don’t wanna feed Jason’s hordes of thirsty ass fans with the slightly provocative pictures you took of his hands and his pretty face.

"Shame, still none of Jay," he says, slapping his brother on the shoulder, "guess we know who the favourites are big guy" 

"A huh," Jason grunts as he passes you, "meet you guys at the hotel."

"You're leaving already?" Dick asks, trying to stop Jason as he starts to pack up his things, "the fans want autographs."

"Like Timmy said, I ain't no one's favourite." He pulls his bag over his shoulder, ignoring Dicks protests, he shoots you a look before he walks down towards where the cars are waiting.

You entertain the boys for an hour helping them get selfies with fans, before Dick announces that it's time to wrap up. 

"Wanna go grab a drink at the bar?" Dick asks as the boys head out to do their own things, "the night's still young and so are we."

"Nah I’m good. It's been a long day,” you yawn for affect, “Plus I gotta get all these,” you gesture to your camera, “edited and uploaded,” you give him a sympathetic look, “I think I'm just going to go to bed before we have to get back on the plane tomorrow, sorry Dickie"

"Suit yourself. I guess I'll just sit and drink,” he pouts at you, “alone."

"Sure you won't be alone for too long." You joke, giving him a quick hug and heading up the elevator.

Xx

You pull out the key card, slipping it into the lock and stepping into the room. A familiar face already waiting on your couch with a bottle of wine in hand, and his large combat boots kicked across the room, "took ya long enough."

"You know how they are," you shrug off your coat, "Dick still didn't wanna go to bed," you toe off your shoes and step towards him, "I can't just leave him."

"You can," Jason stands, grabbing you and pulling you down onto the couch on top of him.

“But he uses those puppy dog eyes on me and I feel bad.”

“That’s the only trick that guy knows,” he rolls his eyes, his arms wrapping around your waist, "just tell him you got a better offer."

"Did I though?"

"Cheeky," he kisses you like he's been waiting all day to get you alone, his hands already clinging to you and starting to peel your clothes away, "I saw you watching me, sweetheart," he finally frees your shirt from your pants and pulls it over your head.

“I wouldn’t, didn’t you hear the boys,” you pull his vest from his back, “No pictures of you.”

"There's always a way for me to check," he smirks into your kiss, his fingers slipping down to your ass, then reaching into your back pocket for your phone and dangling it in front of your face.

“Won’t find anything in there.” you lie, unconvincingly.

“You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?” he raises his eyebrow at you.

“No,” you grab for it, but he pulls his arm up higher. You jump, and he drops it behind the couch, giving you a knowing look.

“That's what I thought,” his fingers toy with the button on your jeans, “What else are you lying to me about?” he grabs at the band, pulling them down to your hips, "Is my pussy wet for me?"

"I-"

"You wouldn't lie to me would you?" He kisses across your jawline as his fingers sink into your panties, stopping at your panty line, "no, not you. My good girl wouldn't lie to me," his fingers slip down lower meeting with the seeping spot in your panties, "tell me Kitten," he leans back meeting your eyes, "if you got such a better offer, why are you here with me with suck a soaking wet pussy?"

"Coincidence?" You joke, laughing as he lifts you up and your pants fall to the floor.

"Like fuck is it a coincidence," he throw you over his shoulder, "you bloody liar," he slaps you on the ass, "I know how watching me play affects you," he walks, his bicep just far enough away form your pussy go tease you, “bet you’ve got lots of good shots on your phone, don’t you?”

“Nope,” you giggle, your arms attempting to reach his ass, but his torso is so fucking long and thick.

“You're going to pay for that." he smacks you again, his fingers kneading at the tender flesh of your ass.

"Oh, no. How awful!" You start to squirm as he kicks the door to the bedroom open and drops you on the bed.

"First the lying and now the attitude," he tuts as he peels off his black t-shirt, "you poor thing," he unclips the chain from his pants, "You really need some sense fucked into you," he grabs at your hands slinking the chain around them and locking them together behind the bed head, "don't you?" Jason’s soft lips brush over yours.

"Yes."

"Good girl. Now, how should I punish you?" He thinks aloud, watching as you start to squirm when he pulls back from you. His studded belt releases his tight black jeans, "What?" He laughs as your eyes fixate on the way his huge hand is wrapping around his cock, "Do you like watching me play with myself?" He licks his lips, his teeth sinking in when he notices your hips gyrating into the air, "do you need some attention, Sweetheart?" 

'Please."

"But you haven't been good," he kneels on to the ground and you feel something cool touch your leg, the metal of the chains biting into your wrists as you strain to get free, "maybe I should coat my sticks on your cum," the cool wood glides up your thigh before slapping down onto your clit, "at our next show I'll be able to smell you on them," his eyes lock with yours, "wouldn't that be a nice treat for me, Kitten?"

"Yes, please," you try to move, but he just taps the drum stick onto your clit again, "that'd be so hot."

"Wouldn't it just," the tip of the drumstick slips down from your clit, dipping into you and you can't help the way your back arches into it, "so needy for me, aren't you Kitten?" The drumstick goes deeper, angling it up so it sweeps right over your g spot. Jasons free hand rests on your stomach as his thumb rubbing into your clit in just the way you like as he thrusts the stick into you. His eyes torn between watching your face and watching his favourite thing disappearing into his favourite person.

"Jason.”

"Does my girl need more?" He teases you, "need something bigger?"

"I do.”

"Show me," he chuckles, pulling the drumsticks from you with a pop and licking along its length, moaning at the taste of you on his tongue. His face forlorn, torn between wanting to taste you and how bad he wants to fuck you, "show me where you want me Kitten?"

You whine, your hands jangling against the chains, tugging at them as you glare at him.

"Oh, you can't? You poor thing," his cock slaps on top of your pussy, "keep squirming for me  Kitten." He leans over your body, his lips finally meeting yours, "I love when you're needy for me like this. So desperate," his hand grips your face, "it's pathetic."

You try to pull your face from his grasp, but he holds you still. Your eyes start to wander until his nails dig into your cheeks, "keep those pretty eyes on me," you feel his cock slip back, the huge head pushing, teasing at your core, "you ready?" His head circles you, "nod or shake your head for me, Kitten. I know words are hard for you when you're like this."

You nod, your legs wrapping around Jason's thick thighs. Trying so hard to pull him closer, even if you know it's useless.

"Good girl. I can feel your legs tightening on me," he releases your face, his hand softly brushing your cheek where you imagine his claw marks are, "pull me in."

You tighten your legs even more, Jason moves closer, his cock pushing up against you until it starts to spread you, stretching you out as he sinks deeper and deeper inside you. You can’t help the moans that escape your lips as your pussy becomes so fucking full you think your brain might explode. “Breathe,” his fingers pull your bottom lip from your teeth, “Sweetheart, take a breath for me,” he starts to withdraw himself, not really restrained by the grip of your legs, “Kitten,” you suck in a breath, the overwhelming fullness turning your brain off for a second there.

“I’m breathing,” you reassure him, trying to pull your hands from the chains, “Please don’t go.”

“Do you want me to unchain you?” his eyes are so soft, one hand still on your face while the other traces little hearts into your thigh, “Is it too much?”

“I’m good, now. I just needed a minute,” you reassure him, “I promise, it’s just been-”

“A while, yeah I know.”

“Can we talk about it after, Jay?” you try to move, but he’s so heavy on top of you, “Because right now, I’d really like you to move.”

“Needy,” his fingers tighten on your thigh, pushing it back up towards your chest, “Impatient,” his soft caress on your cheek stops as his hand slips around your throat, “My good Kitten.” He starts to thrust, his hips meeting yours with every inwards motion. His pelvis grinding into your clit when he leans down to capture your lips with his. “I missed this,” he moans into your mouth, his fingers tightening in your hair while your legs cling to him.

“Missed you.”

“I’m right here, always.”

“Not close enough,” you thrust back up, “Closer, please.”

“Never been close enough to you,” Jason mewls, “You’re so fucking warm, Kitten.”

“Fuckin hot when that spotlight hits you.” you feel your pussy clench down on him when he smirks down at you.

“Not as beautiful as you do, shrouded in the dark of the clubs,” he brushes the hair from your face, smoothing it back behind your ear. The tingle tickles, jolting your body up and you feel his cock brush over your g spot.

“Jay, right there-” you moan into his ear, “Please don’t stop.”

“I’m not stopping until you cum on me,” his hand reaches up, releasing your hands from the chains with a snap of his fingers, “But I need your hands on me.”

Your wrists ache, but your hands quickly find their place in his hair, tugging his face closer to yours, kissing him deeper and sinking your teeth into his lip. With one hand in his hair, you slip the other down to his shoulder, bringing his chest flush with yours. The sweat of your bodies mingling as you both moan into the kiss. 

Your eyes open when he pulls back from you, his stubble brushing against your cheek, his moans filling your ears, “You’re fucking gripping me so tight, Kitten. You getting close?” he bites down on your neck, “I know you are.”

“Yes, I’m so close, Jay.” the animalistic sound that seems to reverberate from his throat is what sends you over the edge, the primal way he turns from somewhat sensual to fucking insane is something else. You can’t stop cumming, his cock somehow getting harder and deeper within you with every thrust and that sound just won’t stop. You almost question whether it's you making that noise, but when he starts to chant your name in your ear and you know he’s close.

“Jason.” you whisper hoarsely as your second round of pleasure starts to build inside you, you feel his cock throb, “Jason,” it’s twitching inside you, bouncing off your insides and making a smoothie out of them, “Jason.”

“Fuck me, Kitten,” his nails dig into your, his lips reaching for yours to quiet the scream he lets out into your mouth. Jasons cum paints your insides, but he doesn’t stop fucking you, “I don’t want this to end,” he pants between cries of pleasure, “I want to fuck you forever, to be inside you always.”

You don’t even realise you’re cumming again until your legs start to cramp and your mind goes numb, the thickness of Jason's cock slowly receding from you and his fingers replacing it. Gently gliding up and down as you twitch out the last of your orgasm. “You look beautiful like this. Carefree and relaxed.” he whispers, placing a kiss on your forehead before falling down beside you and pulling you under his arm. “Take a deep breath.”

You do, snuggling into his side as you try to match his breathing. Your leg wrapping over his to try and leech some of his warmth. “I can breathe on my own, you know.”

“Yeah, but I know I take your breath away with my dashing looks.”

“True,” you rest your chin on his chest, looking up at him, “You’re very pretty,” you bouncing one of his curls, the white one, it’s your favourite.

“Not as pretty as you, Kitten,” he takes your hand. Holding it in his, his thumb grazing over your wrists, “Are your wrists ok?”

“They’re fine, a bit tender.”

“I’ll rub some of that coconut cream on them in a sec,” he gives them each a small kiss, “Just wanna cuddle you a bit longer.”

“I missed this,” you sigh, putting your arm over him and pulling yourself up so you're laid out flat on top of him, “tour buses suck. Maybe we should run away?”

“I wish, could you imagine. Dick would have a fucking heart attack. But I get what you mean and the next few weeks aren’t going to be any better.”

“We’ll have to get better at sneaking around.”

“You will.” he says, like he doesn't, “You think I’m the only one who knows you take pictures of me on your phone to jerk off to?”

“What?” you try to sit up in alarm only for Jason's arm to hold you close.

“Don’t worry about it, but Kitten,” he whispers, bringing your lips down to his, “tour buses are small, maybe next time, don’t moan my name in the middle of the night.”

Taglist: did I forget you? let me know in your most sarcastic typeface

@littleredwing89 @ilikw @bubbles-incorrect-yb @megumisbabymomma @nutmeg030 @gone-batty-fics

@lovelyrissa

Do you want to be on the everything Jason taglist? firstly, why? and nextly, let me know.

[thesunhatesme]

Day 14 - Jam session

Thanks to @forlorn-crows for mushy may 2024! The ending is a bit rushed bc I forgot about it and when I sat down to write it I had no motivation, but here it is! Can you tell I like Muse? Wc:660

Rain had been sitting in the practice room for more than an hour now, but he was so close to learning. He had been trying for ages to learn the bass line of Hysteria and it was finally starting to sound somewhat good. It was quite complicated but now that he got the hang of it, he couldn't stop, all hours of practice finally paying off.

He turned the big speakers on and connected his phone to it. He turned the volume up and hit play. It took a couple of tries until he managed to play it correctly, but when he did, he felt like he could fly, he was so happy. This song had been one of his goals ever since he started playing bass and now he finally learned how to play it.

He was in the middle of the song when Phantom walked in and leaned against the wall, waiting for Rain to finish. “Hey Bug” Rain said as he turned down the music. “Do you need anything?” He asked. Phantom fiddled nervously with the hem of his sleve as he spoke. “I heard you were playing Muse and I… uhm, I like Muse and…uhm I wondered if I...uhmm, if I could join you?” He asked, looking everywhere else than Rain. “Of course you can!”

Phantom plugged his guitar in and took a seat, “What song are you playing?” He asked as Rain dug through a drawer, looking for the guitar part of the song. “Hysteria”, “Have you played it before?” Rain asked as he handed him the paper, sitting down again. “Yeah, I love that song!”

They played it through a couple of times before they tried it with music, making sure they played in tune. They turned the volume up and started playing. By the fifth time they were both jumping around and singing the lyrics while playing. Phantom was singing the main parts and Rain was singing the backup vocals, both smiling the whole time.

They turned the music down and sat down, both out of breath. “Do you know any other muse songs?” Rain asked when he had catched his breath. Phantom started counting all the ones he knew, which was quite many, he loved their guitar solos. He started counting them up for Rain until they found one they both could play. 

“Yes! That one I can play” Rian interrupted him. “MK Ultra?”. “Yes!” Rain said as he picked up his bass, Phantom quickly doing the same. They turned the music on and started playing. 

After a couple of times they wanted to try another song, ending up with Supermassive Black Hole. They were jumping around and singing when Rain got the idea to try to record it. He knew how to play the drums and could probably learn the part fairly quickly. “We should try to record it”, he suggested. Phantom agreed enthusiastically, setting his guitar down.

After hours of practicing, a few snack breaks and a lunch break, they were finally ready to record it. Rain got behind the drumset and Phantom hit the record. Then they recorded guitar, bass and some precaution before they did the vocals. They decided that Phantom would do the lead vocals and Rain would do the backing vocals.

After a couple of hours they were done and they sat down to listen to it. “We should  burn this onto a cd” Phantom suggested, “So we can make sure our first cover won't disappear”. “That's a great idea!” Rain called out as he started taking out all the cd burning equipment. 

Phantom inserted the blank disc in the burner and selected the file. Rain pulled out a case for it and wrote the date, the name of the song and their names.

Later that night they showed the others, standing by the end of the kitchen table, proudly listening with the others to their recording. Everyone, of course, loved it and thought it sounded beautiful.

[some-greatreward]

this is all part of my "make ppl talk about the smiths more" agenda

if you reblog this i WILL send you an ask to further the above agenda

General 1. Favourite song 2. Favourite song on [insert album here] 3. Top 3 songs 4. Favourite album 5. Favourite member 6. Favourite music video 7. Best live performance of a song 8. Best cover of a Smiths song

Specifics 9. What's a song that you think deserves more love? 10. What's a popular song that's not really your cup of tea? 11. Do you have a song interpretation/theory you'd like to share? 12. Favourite lyric/s? 13. Favourite guitar part/s? 14. Favourite bassline/s? 15. Favourite drum part/s? 16. Do you follow any solo work / projects that the members have taken on post-Smiths? If so, any highlights? 17. Any favourite photos or interviews? 18. How did you first get into The Smiths? 19. Why do you personally listen to The Smiths? 20. Any Smiths-related possessions you'd like to show off? (don't ask these ones) 21. Who, in your opinion, acted more embarrassingly during the Great Open Letter Debacle of Jan 2022 - Morrissey or Marr? 22. How many of the following are you: (a) in pain (b) shy (c) bald (d) Buddhist (e) planning a mass murder 23. What's a song you're convinced is about Johnny Marr and think people need to hear your great wisdom? Free Space 24. Your own question

[lola-babylon]

Ryan Ross does not exist and I can prove it

Don't worry. He's not.

Ryan Ross fans continue to wait patiently for any sign of new music from him. Some loved his work in Panic at the Disco, some are huge fans of his solo releases and live performances captured on YouTube, And as long as you're into pretty looking guys, there's a Ryan Ross for every bisexual taste. Hold up. Is it not kinda weird that he looked so very different in every six month period?

Where is he, the prodigious beautiful boy whose creative vision propelled an early Panic at the Disco to their early fame? It's like it was never real.

It was never real. Ryan Ross does not exist.

"Ryan Ross" was only ever a dream, an alternative persona Pete Wentz created in 2004. Pete wanted to delve further into his adolescent experiences in song lyrics, but fearing the ridicule that would come if Fall Out Boy, now all well into their twenties, started exploring such themes, he brooded over what to do before deciding he could create a new band. He'd find young, talented performers for the positions of lead singer, drums and bass who would perform as themselves; but Pete would insert himself into the band via an avatar, a brooding, Chuck Palanhiuk reading lyricist who would exorcise Pete's teenage demons through the character of "Ryan Ross".

Pete drafted a back story for Ryan Ross - a young kid from Vegas who'd found solace in words and music - then scouted for young, unknown performers who could embody his Ryan Ross character. Any performer who would play the Ryan Ross character obviously had to be able to sing at least well enough to perform live harmonies, and to play guitar. But there are hundreds of young musicians with these skills. And whilst viewing yet another stack of videos of guitar playing 18 year olds who'd responded to the ad that simply asked for audition tapes from young admirers of Blink 182, MCR and FOB who were interested in playing guitar in a new band, Pete hit on an idea.

After all, if he cast an upcoming new performer as "Ryan Ross" in the new band he was putting together, and the band hit it big, surely that person would demand to be outed to the public as their real selves. The intention was always for any musician performing as Ryan Ross to sign an NDA as part of their contract, but Pete could envision a nightmare scenario two or three years into the hopefully successful career of the band he was putting together; a musician tired of the lie and wanting their own share of glory telling him "hey Pete, sure you write the lyrics, but it's me who is up on stage, playing the music, singing, on the magazines, in the webzines. I want people to know it's me, not this imaginary Ryan Ross character".

If that happened, no NDA would be worth as much as the outcry from the media and fans, as much as a musician who signed a contract as a naive teenager would demand as a seasoned performer with years of touring under his belt.

Realising this, Pete hit on the evil genius element of his whole scheme (and also a lyric for London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines). There wouldn't be one Ryan Ross. Instead, from the time he first hyped up the band in blog posts in 2005, there would be a continually rotating cast of "Ryans": every few months, there would be a new skinny jeans wearing guitarist to take over the role of Ryan, to ensure that no individual "Ryan" would ever believe they had enough star power to pull the whole project down.

These are all pictures of the same person? Really?

With high school friends Brendon, Spencer and Brent, and the first of the "Ryan"s in place, Pete's Panic project hit the ground running. There's was even an adorable story of how Pete discovered the band when Fall Out Boy fan Ryan sent him his new band's demos via Live Journal - simultaneously an "it might happen to you" moment for the Millennial generation, and prompting baffled takes on what this internet thing means for music from older music journalists.

That origin story was the closest anyone got to pulling back the curtain on the Wizard of Emo. The true origins of Panic at the Disco - how and why Pete and Ryan actually made the initial connection that made Pete listen to a fan's demos, drive to Vegas to listen to their band barely able to play their instruments live, then sign said band on this slim basis - was a murky, kalaedoscopic story, "details shifting between each telling of the tale[...] details behind how they made contact, and what was said, are eternally changing and never told quite the same way twice". No wonder, when it entered the record on the basis of a Pete Wentz needing to obscure the truth, and a succession of Ryans reciting for interviewers someone else's memory of what never happened.

But the obvious part of the deception - the fact that "Ryan Ross" never looked like the same person from one season to the next? Pete could barely believe he got away with it, but he did. No one seemed to question it. Fans eagerly took up the myth of Ryan Ross, expanding on an invented history to begin Ryan's story from his birth in Summerlin, Nevada in 1986, despite that before development of the residential community commenced in 1988 Summerlin was empty land - how apt that the boy who did not exist was born in a place that did not exist.

Journalists who slept through the lectures on fact checking on their way through college added this (mis)information to their articles, further obscuring the record.

Initially shocked he was pulling the deception off, by the end Pete glowered at his success getting in away with it.

For the potential Ryans were not simply a series of lookalikes. Aside from musical skills and a willingness to subsume their identity in the face of endless touring and inane interviews, potential "Ryans" were mostly selected on finger length, and for their noses; every "Ryan" has a beautiful nose.

Each new Ryan was put through an intensive Panic boot camp; several weeks of learning the bands songs, memorising the back story of the band and Ryan himself, studying videos of the "standard" Ryan mannerisms before joining the band for rehearsals. With Pete himself having the final say, producers scouting for potential Ryans generally stuck to contenders from the south west USA to ensure a consistent accent; although vocal coaches worked with each "Ryan" to develop the trade mark mono tone, the brief experiment in hiring a British performer to play Ryan in 2008 nearly ended in disaster when he kept slipping into his native accent, which to Pete's eternal amusement has gone down in fandom history as the "real", American Ryan trying to sound English.

But even though the music press, and even the rabidly devoted fandom, never seemed to catch on to the fake Ryans, problems inevitably arose. It was easy to get 18 year old guitarists to agree to the stringent conditions required to be Ryan Ross; but despite that Pete allowed some leeway from the performers, allowing them freedom in their social lives and styling choices to reflect the maturing of a real young person, by the time 22 year olds were hired to be Ryan, fresh in on the scam they may have lacked the star power to use Panic to launch their own careers but they were still young men exposed to more money and adulation than they'd seen before, and some of them were making questionable choices.

By 2009, Brendon and Spencer were sick of the lies. They just wanted to continue the music. Pete Wentz saw how Brendon in particular had blossomed in skills and confidence through the years. He also saw the way the commercial winds were blowing - the introspective lyricism of "Ryan Ross" was out, to judge from the reception on its release of Pretty. Odd. On top of all this, "Ryan Ross" was now ostensibly 22; too old to sing about the trials of late adolescence, which had been Pete's reason for creating his Ryan alter ego in the first place.

Seeing the potential long term appeal in a Brendon-driven Panic, Pete told Brendon and Spencer to go forth as Panic at the Disco with his blessing...and let's never mention Ryan again.

Pete's scouting skills weren't impeccable. He let the original band bring along their friend Brent as bass player, despite his shaky skills and apparent lack of commitment. Brent may have played little part in the creation of the band's first album and definitely found touring not to his taste, and he was soon replaced with the far more talented and present Jon Walker, who already had a respectable pedigree in the Chicago scene that spawned Fall Out Boy. Jon participated, albeit reluctantly, in the Ryan charade, forming a close friendship and musical kinship with the last of the fake Ryans. When Pete informed the group that his dream of the fake Ryans was coming to an end, Jon decided to follow this last Ryan, forming the group The Young Veins. Whilst they both appreciated the musicianship, Jon grew increasingly frustrated with the Ryan charade, having to continue the lie of Ryan Ross as the last of the Ryans remained bound by the non disclosure agreement. With sales of the Young Veins debut album not matching the hopes of its creators, Jon left and the band split after just one year.

And thus ended the contractual existence of "Ryan Ross", creation of Pete Wentz.

Some think Brendon looks startled when Ryan is mentioned. It's not because Ryden was ever a thing. There was no Ry for Bren to Den with, just an ever changing cast of young musicians hired by Pete Wentz to be his avatar. When Brendon pauses now he's not lamenting his lost love. He's reflecting on the lie he had to keep up for years and thinking "wait, what was the official line again?"

The Ryan Ross character has been occasionally revived in recent years as a conceptual art project by the musician Z Berg, teasing an album that never arrives, with the role of Ryan in occasional public appearances performed by a few of the former Ryans who are in on the joke. The Ryan Ross character made his last public appearance in 2022, joining former Panic label mates Phantom Planet for a live performance of Do the Panic - a wink to long standing fans of PATD/"Ryan Ross" (and a song that sounds like a dual pastiche to Pumping on Your Stereo by Supergrass and Just What I Needed by The Cars; there really is nothing original under the sun).

There will never be a reunion of the original, "real" Panic at the Disco because the original Panic at the Disco was never real. There will never be a Ryan Ross album because there is no Ryan Ross. Maybe in some future memoir Pete Wentz will tell us all how it was done.

This post is satire. Please do not take it seriously. The real Ryan Ross, who is an individual, actual person, is alive and well and researching literature of the transition from medieval to middle English through USC. (Well, who knows but that seems like something he might do)

[iseullgc]

TEAM UNKNOWN 004 / SOLO PERFORMANCES

SOLO PERFORMANCE #1 ( wc / 407 ) SECRET - WJSN

honestly, when he's told he can do a creative take on one of the songs they're given, iseul immediately knows that he wants to choreograph something. he listens through all the song files to really evaluate them all before he chooses secret because of the melody at the beginning. despite having mostly street/hip hop dance experience, he had also taken ballet classes as a child and after hearing the music box intro, he thought that it would be a fun way to incorporate some of that past knowledge into it.

after discussing with the coaches for the direction he wanted to change the music in, they keep the original intro but add in a darker bass line with some drums. he wants to make the song sound a bit darker, in a sort of black swan transformation sort of vibe.

it's fun to work on it with the coaches, to really discuss all of his thoughts with them.

in the end, he loves the sound they came up with using all of his ideas. he feels like he had really chatted their ears off when it came to the discussion but he really thinks that it was worth it in the end.

he also asks if it would be possible to insert a sort of dance break before the end of the song, considering he would only be using the intro and the first verse, as well as the bridge and the first chorus before his two minutes was up. thinking about this, he wanted to extend both the intro and the outro a bit so he could show off what he was most confident in—which was of course his dancing skills.

once the song is finished, he's able to really tweak all the choreography he had come up with to fit the vibe. he had been working on the dance with just the thought of what the song might sound like originally, but once he has it, the movements just sort of pour out of him.

he's unusually inspired by the idea of a ballet gone wrong, of adding non-traditional elements and changing the song from a soft, whimsical one that turns into something much darker and more raw. it's a fun concept that he enjoys working on and the end product is something that he never would've dreamt up before.

it really just makes him understand that he really enjoys creating, whether it be just choreography or, perhaps, if in the future he might want to dabble in composition too.

SOLO PERFORMANCE #2 FALL - JUSTIN BIEBER

considering that his native language is english, he knows that to be really confident in his performance, he would want to sing in english. much more so than if he were to perform in japanese, and that really cinches it for him.

he goes through his old playlists from junior high to see if any song really stands out to him, wanting to find something that was pretty old to really invoke nostalgia vibes for him. those were always the songs that he enjoyed the most, when it was a song that had meaning for him and he stumbles across the perfect one almost accidentally when he's watching old youtube videos that he uploaded that he had hidden on his channel when he became a trainee.

an original choreography video to an old song.

it’s been a long time since he’s seen the video but he remembers the moves like he had filmed it yesterday. he guesses muscle memory truly did bless him, as he moves a little with the music as it plays, remembering the choreography as the song continues.

but it’s the perfect song for him to sing to, a song that’s within his range too.

[moonlight-at-dawn]

Tales of Arise main 6 in IKEA

Alphen

Goes through every cut through door he finds and always chooses the wrong direction after so he goes in circles and sees the same displays 20 times

When he finally finds the upstairs food court he gets a load of meatballs and lingonberry soda and sits by the window and hopes Shionne will find him (she does bc he was smart enough to stay where the food is)

Spends too much time imagining the demo rooms in a home he shares with Shionne and keeps asking what she thinks until she ties a measuring strip around his mouth (it isn't an efficient gag but he's not an idiot and just follows her like a sad puppy)

Gets distracted in Cooking and Eating trying to figure out what everything is for

Shionne

Uses the map to plot out an efficient route (that Alphen and Law immediately stray from)

Gets food the moment she goes upstairs to the showroom. Then again before going downstairs to the marketplace. Then AGAIN at the smaller food stand behind the registers.

Spends a lot of time in Home Organization thinking of how to get her home Just Right

Buys several bags of meatballs and lingonberry sauce

Thinks it's adorable how excited Alphen is but gets annoyed when he doesn't take enough time to think about style and cohesion

Wanted to leave Law in Småland but he was too old/tall.

Vows to bring leashes for Alphen and Law next time

Rinwell

Her favorite department is lighting. She really likes all the weird ones but after bringing home a Vidja and trying to put it together she's over it

Spends a lot of time giggling over the fake books and their titles

Strangely fascinated by the wardrobes

Buys at least a dozen bars of chocolate

Tries every single chair in the showroom. Every. Single. One.

Wants the children's screened in egg chairs in an adult size

Law

Does a drum solo on every desk and countertop sample and insists it's a vital part to testing them

Gets Alphen in on it until Shionne drags them both away by their ears

Gets several plates of Swedish meatballs (they ARE pretty small after all)

Spends a lot of time in the kids showroom hiding under a curtained loft bed

Tried longer than he'd ever admit to get the fake electronics to work

Made fun of Alphen getting lost and challenged him to a contest to find the exit and lost

Was found sobbing in Textiles by an employee who thought he was a lost child. Kisara came to get him and was Suffering

Kisara

Too stressed out trying to keep track of everyone to do any shopping of her own

Absolutely exhausted and frazzled by the end

Should have known she'd find Shionne where the food was yet was surprised anyway

Made sure everyone had a map but only the other girls used it. She at least thought Dohalim would, but no. The men cannot be trusted, she learned

Would have enjoyed the Textiles department if Law hadn't gotten lost there

Will return with the girls at some point because then she'll actually be able to do some shopping of her own when she isn't playing mom

Dohalim

His favorite department is Home Décor

He invited himself to the challenge of finding the exit between Law and Alphen and lost because that's the last department before the warehouse and exit

He was looking at all the art and weird shaped mirrors and clocks

Was oddly taken by the dog butt wall hooks and bought a bunch when Kisara wasn't looking

INSISTED on a Kallax bookshelf SOLELY to get one of the cat bed inserts to try to win over Zareh (it didn't work but another cat adopted him by taking over that space)

[ezamevolni]

Distinctions between Cute and Sus

I guess this is common sense but in the shipping realm, common sense is often MIA.

I'm deep into shipping so I've been around these waters quite a bit now and have noticed most so-called 'my ship is real' moments are just very, very cute. But definitively romantic? Nope.

Cute moments are totally ship-worthy but they are not significant as proof the two people are involved in a special relationship.

Exercise #1

The members are close to each other's families.

Jimin called out "Eommoni~" to Jk's mom and Jk's mom told Jimin "I love you!".

RM and Jin's family got together to watch Bangbangcon. RM and Jin's dads are great friends who hang out daily.

Jk often imitates Suga's dad and Suga said that his dad calls Jk gentle/softie.

Are Jikook, Namjin, Yoonkook in romantic relationships because their families are close?

Ans: Seventeen is in a polygamous marriage. Hoshi says 'hi' while eating galbi with Joshua's mom in LA.

Exercise #2

The members often hang out together in private.

Jikook and their Tokyo trip. Nuff said. Only two who went on a long distance trip together so far.

Vmin used to do long walks on the pier when they couldn't sleep during their Japan tours.

Taekook and their recent outings skiing, bowling, watching a musical.

Vope who went on a candlelit rooftop dinner date.

Sin who went biking and fishing during their long break in 2019.

Were Jikook, Vmin, Taekook, Vope, Sin all on romantic dates?

Ans: Let's just pretend for a second that friendly hangouts are a thing. Yes, even between two men. I know this can come as a shock to some but deep breathes, it's alright.

Exercise #3

The members love skinship.

[Insert X amount of hugs, kisses, massages, butt slaps.]

Are [all 21 BTS ship names] in a secret relationship?

Ans: Right, because the 21-ships orgy fan fictions you read on ao3 is but a glimpse into their open-mindedness and deviance.

To think I wrote the answer part before finding the example...and was spoon fed confirmation down in the comments thread 😭

Exercise #4

The members know private details about each other.

Jin knew when Jk took English or drum lessons.

V loved to show off Jhope's sleeping habits on variety shows.

RM knew Suga was going to see the dermatologist the next day after filming.

Jk knew V recently went to get nail care.

[insert X amount of instances they showed certain members their solo work before release.]

Are Jinkook, Vope, Namgi and Taekook (and more) accidentally revealing how much attention they pay to their partners?

Ans: Contrary to popular belief, the members still talk to each other after the cameras are cut.

Exercise #5

They look great together. In the group photo, the two of them stand out as 'that couple'.

[What's this? Top tier all-male group hides three couples and loner Sunshine cried asking 'Where's my other half?'] Read p9 for the full story

Are Vmin, Yoonkook, Namjin, Jikook, Taekook, Jihope, Jinkook, Minimoni using the chance to show off their relationships?

Ans: This is the very reason why tabloid mags and clickbait articles still have readers.

When you see your OTP interacting, that excitement and happiness is from the same place in your brain that activates when you get a sip of hot cocoa after coming inside from a raging blizzard. You find them cute, lovely, more of that please! But it's just that. Those moments show the chemistry, rapport or good relations between the two. It doesn't automatically support them as 'boyfriends/girlfriends'. It does not Define the relationship.

Jinkook have plenty of cute moments. Plenty. But those don't say 'They're dating'. I can show my friend a video of them hugging, smiling at each other, playing around, but I can't stop the video and ask "Now do you see how in love they are??" My non-army friend will think I've finally gone bananas from the internet. Lots of moments that I find cute about Jinkook fizzle to bits once I lift them out of the shipping realm. Very very squeal-inducing, but does not define them as a couple.

I gave so many counterexamples of what not to consider when trying to ship a 'real' couple. So what're the correct things to look for? Ha, if I had solid examples, I wouldn't still be floundering here on the internet. In the realm of shipping, the correct answer is: no single moment can prove that a ship is real. Shipping is fun but if you want to be serious about it and actually consider if the two people are dating irl secretly, guess what, it's detective time. If you don't have a recorded confession, well it's time to get down to the nitty gritty, start theorizing, find evidence and make your stand. It's work and effort now, not just appreciating the cute moments as they appear on your tl. Unfortunate I know.

Legend says there exists another kind that is more thought-provoking and nuanced. After seeing such instances, the correct reaction should contain a little bit of self-doubt, discomfort and a pinch of 'Let me rewind'. And the next thought following should be 'that can't be. I'm reading too much into it. They're just brothers.' And then somewhere down the line you might join me here. These are moments you spotted in the wild and not in a shipper edit. The moment has to be organic.

Of course, that goes for any ship at all about any two people on the planet. Who's to say whose instincts are right? ☺️

[whysojiminimnida]

YAY GAMES!!

Tagged by @lauraperfectinsanity because COOL PEOPLE DOING FUN THINGS ALL RIGHT OKAY LET'S GOOOO 💜

name: Julie but you can call me Julie. Or YSJ or Auntie Jaya or BITCH or whatever

sign:

time: 9:39 AM

birthday: September 24.

fav band/artist: BTS (as a group and individual members 💜), The Cure, the Police, KoRn, Insert 80s "alternative" band name of your choice here, I like music and have eclectic taste. I like everything except yee-haw country and I even like some of that. Beethoven Sunbaenim.

last movie: Prey. I started Uncharted but I got distracted.

last show: COBRA and Broadchurch. I got sucked in.

when you created this blog: Uh, 2021 I think? Maybe 2020. Pretty sure it was 2021 though.

what you post: the Jeon-Parks, other BTS, general Jeon-Park house elf shit, sometimes my cat or my boring-ass life and that's... it, really

other blogs: I've had many from stream-of-consciousness to a true crime blog that logged about 300K visits a day but was not monetized because I'm a dumbass. Currently this is it kids.

followers: I think about 1400 or so, I should look probably

do you get asks: OH I HAD TO EDIT I FORGOT THIS QUESTION WAS HERE and... probably but I have an irrational fear of my inbox. So it's either me answering tons of things all at once or not looking at it for six months.

average hrs of sleep: 4 or 16 broken up into 2-hour increments over three days.

instruments: Drums. I'm not kidding, it's all I play. Piano, very badly.

what i’m wearing: Adidas grey leggings with black and grey stripes and a white v-neck mens tee shirt size XL. Lipgloss, mascara and underwear. Maybe I'm braless maybe I'm not DON'T JUDGE ME

dream job: I already had it: ballet dancer and novelist. I wanna do more with the second one and also just be rich and go places and dress well okay. I HAVE DREAMS.

dream trip: Korea but also Spain, France, Italy, Russia and Siberia, Egypt, all the islands with beaches. I haven't been anywhere much, I want to go everywhere.

favorite songs: Black Swan, ON, Euphoria, Filter, Look Here, Still With You, Airplane Pt. 2, Promise, okay okay let's just put the whole discography on repeat and add the Jikook solos and collabs okay. But also: The Cure's Just Like Heaven and Lovecats and New Order's Regret and Blue Monday and Muse's Uprising and Kidneythieves' Things To Do Before I'm Dead and Coldplay's Fix You and Viva La Vida and Erasure's Love To Hate You and everything by the Pet Shop Boys and Dead Milkmen and They Might Be Giants' album Flood and anything by Paul Simon ever and many many others. I like music.

tagging: @towardtheblue - @kanmom51 - @onthecuterside - @monkeypug - @lorenuchi78 and whoever else has some shit to say (:

[faithinlouisfuture]

Emmy talk to me about your concert!!!

OMG Sea. I’m forever changed 😭 I’m so glad you asked cuz this give me the opportunity to ramble to you about my track by track experience which I couldn’t include in my original show report! The show is paced so perfectly! Kudos to Steve and Louis for that!

From the get go We Made It live is just WOW. It’s perfect, it sets the tone for the entire night so perfectly! The drums feel so perfect with the wild beating of your heart that comes with finally seeing Louis live in person. It’s perfect in every way. Drag Me Down is definitely fun live, and also the crowd in Istanbul was literally 80% directioners so the energy of the crowd also added to it! DLIBYH is just so beautiful, he sounds so so so beautiful on it. I had to stop recording and just look at him and listen to him! Two of Us live is soulful, and feels like such a collective healing moment. Always You my beloved was made for a live performance! His voice sounds so sweet on AY, like it takes on this very different tone, I’m not a music or voice expert so I don’t know what the technical term for it is I’m sure you do please enlighten me as well, I just know there’s something different about his voice when he sings it.

He seems to have permanently axed TY but I’ve made my peace with it somehow, I thought I’d be more upset about not getting to hear it live but if Louis feels like it’s something that he no longer vibes with then fine, I’ll accept it (not that I have a choice but I was bitter about it before). Change/s live is EVERYTHING. It makes me so so so hopeful and hyped for lt2 that I can’t even explain. It felt like it was the one track that the entire audience didn’t know, not surprised being that there were probably a total of maximum 100 solos from a crowd of 12k plus people. 7 live Sea!!! He just turns into a different person altogether for 7 doesn’t he? Absolutely loved it. The mic riding?!? He was right in front of me humping that mic stand!!! I wanna post all of my videos but I feel like that would be madness, but OMGGG 🥵

Fearless!!! The theatrics he brought to Fearless with his little gestures, not once but twice! My little drama queen 🤍 the fearless musical solo live (not calling it the guitar solo cuz damn it the drums on that solo!!!) just on my knees for Michael Blackwell & Steve Durham honestly! What insane talent!!! And doing the Fearless claps with the entire crowd was so fun!!!

OTB, the very definition of quality > quantity. It ends too quickly yet it packs the most impactful punch. There’s so much detail that I could go in and want to write about OTB and the pride flags situation in Istanbul, but I think I’ll save that entire essay for posting with my OTB video. Habit, I couldn’t help singing along cuz you know what? I really used to enjoy Habit and no one is gonna take that away from me, the real meaning of the song is so beautiful as an artist and fan experience. I didn’t however record it, and took the opportunity to just stare at Louis for the whole song 🙃 Copyx3!!!! LOUIS GIVE ME A STUDIO VERSION PLS!!! During Copy was when I felt like I would actually lose my voice, screamed it back at him that loud! It’s insanely amazing live! I can’t even explain. Defenceless 😭 and the PURPLE lights and we had a fan project for it! It was perfect, everything I wanted it to be (minus the little technical issues they had with the mic during some parts of it, don’t know if that translated to live streams). The way he literally asks now for us to yell the “by you” at him 😭 cheeky beautiful boy! Beautiful War - I think that I’ve made my feelings about wanting to have that song (by Louis Tomlinson, KOL who?) inserted into my veins and made a part of life source very clear. It’s truly a soul cleansing experience live! And him sitting down to take all the lights in at the end really makes you emotional! I noticed that when he stars singing BW he keeps his eyes closed for the first verse, and then opens them for the second just to experience that moment of seeing all those lights for HIM.

LBD intro!!! Michael sir, kindly behave yourself! He got just the reaction he wanted out of Louis though and absolutely loved it too! Cackled on stage when Louis said “That’s Michael Blackwell and this is Little Black Dress”. During the ending of LBD right before the outro bit, is when I think Louis noticed my sign (it read “Flew 3381 miles to make sure you’re real”) 😭 there was an extremely tall person ahead of me who raised their hands literally at that time, and also my video of him got all shaky and messed up too cuz he looked right in the direction I was in, and I’ve been crying on Twitter for someone to send me the entire video of LBD if they have it so I can make sure if it actually happened or if it was wishful thinking on my end lol 😭 Walls - cathartic. That’s the one word. Cathartic for Louis to have written and for him to sing and honestly soul healing for me to scream “YOU WERE MY BECAUSE” at him. (I promise I will post my videos after I get some sleep, I have the best one of that moment)!

TTD is the one 1done song I really vibe with (Louis’ version though) so I had an absolute blast during it! And now for the crowning glory; KMM. My favorite track off of Walls since day 1 - and Louis’ devil awakening moment every night on tour! It’s palpable the way the energy in the crowd gets built up throughout KMM leading to that eventual moment when he jumps down from stage which is then absolute pandemonium!!! Once he jumped, I had to just let go of all agency of my body, and let myself be shoved and pushed where the force of the crowd took me. I was in the fourth row from the front barricade facing the stage & in the third row from the runway barricade on the side; which is what allowed for me have my LOUIS LITERALLY RIGHT IN MY FACE moment 😭😭😭 when I say that I will never ever forget what that one moment felt like. It lasted barely one second I think cuz he didn’t stay too long on our side, just hopped on and yelled and hopped off, but in my mind it’s all in slow motion! I would like to live my entire life in that one moment. I saw crinkles up close 😭 HE WAS RIGHT THERE!!! I wasn’t able to touch him cuz I had my phone in one hand and was trying to steady myself with the other hand, and also he hopped right off and jumped to the other side where he stayed longer, but no matter what - that one second made my entire year! 😭 It made the absolute torture or being in that line from 5:30 AM worth it. I honestly don’t have the words to describe it. I cannot believe that it happened, and that it happened to me!!!

Thank you for letting me ramble on! I feel like I could write an entire book on my one show 😂 Trying to contain myself! Will definitely post videos and gifs soon. Hope that you’ve been doing well, and now that Louis is back and Louis content is back we’ll have a more positive and enjoyable fandom experience than what went down during the break.

[ghztspider]

“ i know we almost died just now, but… am i the only one who’s hungry? “ --@wovendeath

" not burgers. anything but burgers. pizza? pizza maybe sounds good? "

[pjisskullourful]

. . ╰──╮𝕘𝕒𝕪 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙╭──╯ . .

Damiano X Ethan X reader

🌈rainbow family part 3[complete series]

° Damiano David & Ethan Torchio & female reader insert [throuple style]

° 5 years on- the Happily Ever After of the throuple is going strong as they prepare for the next chapter in their relationship

wordcount:  3,766

° thankyou to @superchrystaldrug for letting me brainstorm ideas & for encouraging my ridiculously fluffy headcanons💋 & thanks to @bethanysnow for your kind words💋 & holy crap thanks to everyone for the positive response to part4.0-- yall really embraced my softerside

“Papa needs more glitter, more.” Cosmo’s little eager hands grasped towards the vanity.

The toddler was situated in Damiano’s lap as he sat at the dressing table, less than an hour left before he had to take to the stage for the closing night of Måneskin’s tour. The makeup artist had just finished putting the last touches on his makeup, which both he and Cosmo had sat patiently through. But now Cosmo had finished his apple juice and he was looking for something new to entertain him.

You thought about getting up from the couch, but it looked like Damiano had your son under control. He picked up the little pots of glitter before Cosmo could get to them. “What about some glitter for Moe?”

“No. Papa needs more glitter, more, more, more.” 

“This is what I love about Moe, he says what we’re all thinking.” Victoria said, coming into the dressing room at the perfect time for a sassy comment.  “More glitter and then more, until we can’t see his face anymore.”

“Yeah, more glitter.” He cheered, pumping his fists into the air.

“We’ll take turns.” Damiano said. “Papa puts some glitter on you and then you put glitter on me, okay?”

“Kay.”

Victoria came over to sit beside you. “I still can’t believe how cute he is. Do you really think you’re gonna win the cuteness lottery a second and a third time?”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see in six months.” You said, putting a hand to the side of your growing stomach.

Thomas was the next person to appear in the dressing room. “Oh hell yeah, Cozzie’s getting ready for the show.” He kneeled down on the ground next to Damiano’s chair. “What are we doing here, glitter?”

“I think Uncle Tommy needs some glitter.” Damiano said.

“Yeah, give me some glitter. Look at me, I can’t go out there without any glitter on my face. They’ll boo me off the stage.”

Damiano helped Cosmo select the right colours, Thomas kept as still as he could manage, taking a sip of his beer whenever Cosmo paused. The last show of the tour was usually an emotional one - the overwhelming rush of accomplishment for them achieving something so far from where they had begun on the streets of Rome, the relief of knowing this strain on their bodies would be over for a while and the swell of disappointment that the energy from the audience would be tuned down, transferring them from superheroes back to reality. It was the end of summer camp, but on steroids. 

This time around, it was a definite chapter closing. It was the first time Cosmo had been brought along, experiencing so many new places and being doted upon constantly by Victoria. 

Starting tomorrow, you wouldn’t be a parenting super team of five. It would be the three of you, trying to get Cosmo ready for the arrival of his new twin siblings. He wouldn’t have Thomas to run around with, to get all of his ‘zoomies’ out. He wouldn’t have Victoria’s tireless enthusiasm for colouring.

This time around, there would be no massive wrap party. Bedtime stories in the place of drinking games. At least bathtime and cups of tea wouldn’t lead to hangovers tomorrow.

“Oh, we’re doing glitter in here.” Ethan said, coming in. “Sign me up please Moe.”

“How long is Dada’s drum solo gonna be tonight?” Victoria asked.

“Um…” Cosmo considered this, tapping a finger covered in gold glitter onto the centre of Ethan’s forehead. “Two days.”

“Two days?” Damiano asked over the laughter. “I don’t know if the people will want to listen to Dada’s drumming for two days.”

Cosmo was smiling widely, clearly very happy with all of this attention. “Sure, they will. Everybody loves Dada’s drumming.”

.........

Ethan’s drum solo didn’t last longer than a few minutes but Cosmo was asleep before that part of the show. He had been bobbing along with you, enthusiastically dancing around the VIP area - that was until they had started performing Coraline. He had sat down for the slower tempo song and by the end of it, he was lying down on the couch.

You carried him backstage, moving carefully. Amongst all of the activity, he remained asleep, his head rested on your shoulder and one hand curled into a fist around your shirt.

There was a wait before you could see your boyfriends. Their night of work wasn't done after the last bow - there were still some fan meet and greets to get through and there would be formalities with an ambassador for the city, usually with an exchange of flowers.

You tucked yourself out of the way, back into Damiano's dressing room. You sat down on the couch - the weight of Cosmo pressing on your chest and the weight of his unborn siblings pressing on your stomach.

You were thrilled at the sight of Damiano, who immediately held his arms out, expecting your son to be handed to him. During this transfer, Cosmo blinked his eyes open a handful of times. But each time he would fall asleep again, saying a happy, acknowledging Papa.

You got yourself back onto your feet, greeting Damiano properly with a kiss. "Really amazing baby. I'm not gonna lie to you and say that I didn't cover my eyes when you jumped into the crowd… But it was a great show. Moe was dancing the whole time he was awake. I think he's working his way up to headbanging, give him, like, a couple more months."

"Rock and roll never dies." He said, just like he and the others had screamed repeatedly the night of their Eurovision win. "It has babies who are headbanging before their fourth birthday." He was smiling, a sleepy look on his face and you knew he would be asleep without the help of a cup of chamomile tea tonight. "What about those two? Are they practising their headbanging for the next tour?"

"They're three months old in there… but, sure." You said with a roll of your eyes. "Look, maybe I did feel some whirling around in there during Zitti E Buoni. But it's way too early to tell. Where's my other baby?"

He checked over his shoulder, not seeing Ethan behind him. “Oh, you know what he’s like. He’s probably trying to find the people who replace the bin liners, so he can shake their hands and look them deep in the eyes to say thank you.”

You put your hand on his shoulder, giving him a serious look. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.”

“Hey, no, thank you.”

“He might still be just out there. A lot of fans brought stuff for the babies.” He said.

You pecked him on the cheek but paused before leaving the room. “Thank you.” 

You took a few steps toward the door, before you were stopped by his hand on your arm. You looked back to see the serious look on his face. “Thank you.”

You walked out of the dressing room, into the main area that made up backstage. You came across Ethan with a bunch of gift bags filling his hands. He was with Victoria, who seemed to be expressing her disappointment in the comparatively small amount of presents she had gotten during the course of the meet and greet.

You quickly hopped over to his side. “Hey baby daddy.”

“Hey, did you have fun, did Moe like it?”

“Of course he did babe, it was really great, the perfect last show. He was asleep before the last bow, but, don’t you worry, he was dancing his little butt off.” You said. “Did we clean out the whole city’s supply of baby clothes?”

“Maybe the whole country.”

“Maybe the whole of Europe.” Victoria said as she walked past.

He took you over to a table and began to empty out the bags. He worked slowly, going one item at a time and ensuring you got a good look at every last thing. The nature of gifts from fans had evolved over time - these days it was rare that you received anything that could bring a blush to your cheeks or be considered not safe for work. Instead of getting frilly underwear for Damiano, or flavoured lube - now fans felt the urge to spoil your son, a lot of the time with things they had crafted themselves. Following the announcement that the three of you were expecting twins, the number of baby clothes had greatly increased.

“Oh my God, Cosmo’s gonna lose his mind over this.” You said, taking the shirt from Ethan’s hands. It was a child sized shirt that had an all-over print of some of Damiano’s tattoos. What took the pride of place in the centre of the shirt was a perfect recreation of the design of BOYS (DON’T) DO CRY. 

“Yeah, he’s always asking when he’s gonna get his body stickers like Papa.” Ethan said. "Maybe this will appease him, for about five seconds…"

"We can only hope. Did Dami see this?"

"No, I don't think so. He got distracted talking to someone with a Lord of the Rings tattoo."

"Oh, wow, then he definitely didn't see this. Let's keep it out of his sight and put it on Moe and freak him out." You proposed, folding the shirt and putting it over your shoulder to ensure it didn't get shuffled back in with the others, to be mistakenly put in the wrong place.

"Babe, look at this." Ethan was suddenly unfurling a large blanket. "It's a quilt, they made it for Moe out of all these different fabrics that they found…" He extended out all four corners so you could take in the various jewel-toned patches. "It's galaxies and each of the planets has their own square and then look at this, and this, and these two here…" You followed the little printed constellations as he pointed the four of them out. "It's the constellations of our astrological signs. It's completely unique and personalised for our son."

You had put a hand to your mouth, gratefully drinking in all of the details and becoming overwhelmed with sentimentality. "This is incredible, it's so gorgeous. I can't wait to wrap him up in it. A cosmic blanket for our baby Cosmo."

"I know, isn't it so perfect?"

"It really is." You started to bundle it up in your arms, enjoying the fuzziness. "Okay, show me more stuff before this gets me crying…"

"Look, look at this shirt." He said, holding up something new. This shirt read too punk for naptime. He was soon showing you another, my daddies won Eurovision and all I got is this shirt. And another, rock royalty. And another paraphrased Linda Evangelista, I don't get out of bed for less than 12 points.

"And then these are some little hats for the twins. Handmade little crocheted cupcakes, how cute is that?"

You took one of the pastel-coloured beanies. "This is so tiny. I don't think it'll even fit my swollen boob…"

.........

"What's wrong with baby?" Cosmo asked over the sound of two heartbeats that matched the ultrasound picture playing out next to you.

You looked over to where he was being held at Ethan's hip. You had worried he was too young to be able to follow this, to understand what the grainy footage was trying to show him.

But leaving him at home with a sitter wasn't an option. You had been trying your hardest to include him in every part of the pregnancy, hoping this would minimise the shock ever-so-slightly when the twins actually arrived. You had answered all of his questions and welcomed as many as he could think up, encouraging his curiosity.

"You know how when we make popcorn- how it starts off as those little pebble-looking pieces? But then we put it in the microwave and it goes pop, pop, pop?" You asked and he nodded. "Well, that's kinda sorta what's going on in my tummy right now, the babies aren't ready to come out yet."

He was listening carefully, the look of concentration on his face was exactly the same as the thoughtful expressions Ethan would get. "But how come they don't do a pop?"

"People don't go pop Moe." Ethan said.

“We already had Poppy crossed off the list of potential names, right?” You asked Damiano, who was seated at a stool he had pulled up directly beside the procedure bed.

He gave your hand a squeeze. “Yes, she’s gone for good.”

You could feel his anticipation, from the sweat on his palm to the look on his face. It was a little different this time around because his name would be the one written alongside yours on the birth certificate. He had been the most excited in the lead-up to Cosmo’s birth, but somehow he was beating that enthusiasm with every new thing you learnt about the twins.

It was never a case of ‘been there, done that’ with Damiano and you could tell that he was ready for another round of being the proudest dad in the whole world.

“Okay parents, this is your last chance to opt out of finding out the gender.” The obstetrician said and she took a pause, an amused smile on her face as she looked between the three of you.

Ethan gave Cosmo a bounce. “You ready Mo-mo? Are you ready to find out if you’re gonna get a brother or a sister or two sisters or two brothers?”

“But you said babies aren’t ready.”

“Not ready to come out, no. But they are ready to tell us if they’re boys or girls.” Ethan said.

“So, which is it?” You asked her.

“Girls.” She said. “You’re having twin girls.”

“Sisters.” Ethan cheered. “You’re getting baby sisters!”

You smiled, full of excitement for this brand new journey. You looked from the screen to Damiano, who had started to cry. He laid his head down on your shoulder and you reached across to stroke your hand through his hair.

“Girls.” You whispered, images of pink and princess tiaras filling your mind.

“Marsha and Sylvia.” He said, lifting his head and leaning in to kiss you.

You wiped your fingers across his cheeks, collecting the tears as you felt your own eyes welling up.

“When do I get sisters?” Cosmo asked.

“Not yet sweetheart.” The doctor said with a kind smile. “We’re still a while off from that. We gotta get Mummy’s tummy so much bigger before then, okay? Right now, your sisters are about the size of two mangoes. You like mangoes, right? About this size…” She held both of her hands up to create a small circle in the air. “That’s way too small, so we need those girls to keep growing, we need them to grow from a mango to a watermelon.” She expanded the imaginary fruit. “Then once they’re bigger, then they can come out and play with you. But you see the difference there, right? Lots more growing to do.”

“Papa, you gotta make Mama lots of food. All the food so she can get bigger real quick.” Cosmo said, making Damiano laugh.

.........

"Why doesn't Peppa have a dada and a papa? She only got Daddy…"

You had briefly shut your eyes, thinking Cosmo had fallen asleep at the end of the picture book. You had laid down in his bed to read him the story, hoping that would be enough to get him to nap. But he wasn't as tired as you were and, when you lifted your head from the pillow, you found his brown eyes were wide open, blinking up at you.

"Did somethink happen to her papa?"

"No baby, nothing at all. Her family is just different from ours, 'cause our family is very special.”

“Yeah, a’cause Daddies have a band that everyone really loves.”

“Yes, but for more reasons than that…” You readjusted, trying to find a way to lie that wasn’t restrictive to your 26-week baby bump. “You see, when I met your daddies, we recognised in one another that we had extra-big hearts and that meant we could love more than one person. A lot of other people, and you might find you’re like this, and that’s perfectly fine, sweetie - they only have room in their hearts for one person to love. You know how Uncle Tom is married to one woman, Aunt River, right? Well, that’s because when they met, they decided they would only need each other, their hearts were full with that one person to love, do you see what I mean?”

He had his brow furrowed in a perfect impression of Ethan, but he nodded and you kept going. “I met both Papa and Dada at the exact same time and I knew, straight away, that I had enough room in my heart for both of them. But there are all kinds of families - what Peppa Pig has is a mama and a dada and that’s perfect for them, right? There’s families with two daddies. Some families even have just one mummy. Families come in so many different ways and you’re just a very lucky little boy who has three parents to take care of him.”

“I like having three parents.” He said.

You smiled, running your fingers through his long hair. “Yeah? You think it’s cool having a papa and a dada?”

“Yeah, a’cause Dada is really great at games and he’s best at doing voices, when we’re playing with my toys and stuff. And Papa is best at cooking, isn’t he?”

“He sure is.”

“And you’re a really great Mama, you’re best at storytime and best at growing baby sisters.”

.........

You awoke in a silent house, the only closeby sound was Ethan’s even breathing as he slept beside you in the bed. You assumed that Damiano was downstairs, awake and taking care of the three kids.

It would have been easy to fall asleep again, you were already rolling towards Ethan. You scooched over, wrapping your arms around his muscular body and bringing him in as close as possible - closer than you’d been able to enjoy over the past nine months. You breathed in the soothing scent of lavender from his shampoo as you rested your face into his neck.

The most natural and comforting position that you could have sunk into for hours.

“G’mornin’...”

You groaned. “I should get up.”

He wrapped his arms around you, enclosing you in his warmth. “Nope.”

“But babies- we have babies. People with babies don’t sleep late.”

“They’re fine, if Dami needed help, he would yell and you know he would, he’s louder than our 3-year-old, don’t take that accomplishment away from him.” He said.

You looked up and saw his eyes were mostly shut. Looking at his face, your heart feeling ready to overflow for a moment and you kissed him. "So, what are we gonna do- lie in bed all day?"

"Yeah, just like we used to." He said and he picked your hand up, playing at knotting his fingers around yours.

"God, I'm so happy I'm not pregnant right now - no more crazy dreams pumped full of hormones. I can go back to nice dreams, dreams about my gorgeous baby daddy."

"Dreams like what?" He asked, opening his eyes.

"Remember when you used to carry me everywhere?"

"Yeah, you were always so easy to spoil."

"And you were so easy to love, right from the start. You swept me off of my feet, literally." You said, twisting his arm in between you so you could hold his hand to your heart, sandwiched between both of your hands. "I've never trusted anyone like how I trust you. And I don't… Everything changed when you walked up to me that night. You don't even know how lost and confused and unhappy I was before you, but you just found me."

"It was my pleasure." He used his free hand to caress your face, his fingers brushing softly over your skin. "You changed everything for me, as well. You brought everything into focus, and all the things that have happened since then- none of them could've happened without you. And I'm not just talking about the kids, which obviously, couldn't have happened without your uterus."

You smiled and kissed him again. Before it could be accelerated into a deeper kiss, you heard a muffled groan from his stomach. You parted and he chuckled bashfully.

"Well, maybe we should get up."

You followed him down the stairs, hand-in-hand. There was noise on the ground level and you both headed toward the source, the playroom.

Damiano was making Cosmo laugh, the toddler had a waffle in his hand but he was clearly distracted, swaying as he gleefully giggled. The twins were safely in their separate bounce chairs, one on either side of Damiano's knees as he sat cross-legged on the floor.

"Are you sure?" He asked, poking Cosmo on the nose. "Are you sure that's Sylvia?"

The little boy paused, humming as he considered the babies. "Yup, that one is Sylvia and that's Marsha."

Damiano looked. "Wow, you're right again. Okay, turn around and I'll switch them up and then we'll see, then I'll trick ya."

"You can't trick me Papa." Cosmo said proudly.

He was grinning widely as he turned his back to Damiano. This was when he spotted you and Ethan, his face lighting up as he rushed toward you. Ethan immediately scooped him up.

"I can tell the twins apart, I can tell the twins apart." He told the two of you. "Papa keeps trying to trick me but I always win. I always know who is who."

"Wow Moe, how are you doing that? They're identical, they're the mirror image of each other." You said. "Sometimes even I don't even know who is who."

"Well that's because he's the best big brother in the whole world." Ethan said, holding Cosmo up so he could cover his son's cheek in kisses.

Marsha and Sylvia were identical, aside from a few differing freckles. Sylvia had three little freckles on her round face - two by the beginning of her hairline and another just beneath her right eye. You hadn't expected Cosmo to notice such a small detail.

But he was proving to be an attentive and loving older brother. The past two weeks had been blissful, with him curiously looking in on all of the twins' activities. 

"He's unshakeable." Damiano said, giving Sylvia's chair a gentle bouncing. "And there's more waffles in the kitchen."

"Let's go Moe." Ethan said, quickly leaving.

➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵

🌈 read more of this series!!

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[tpwkay]

Medicine (h.s.)

You’re finally given permission to cover the song you’ve wanted to perform for years and a special surprise during your performance sweeps you off of your feet.

Word count: 11.5k

Rating/warnings: NSFW - A lot of this is plot but there is smut as well. Contains explicit language and consensual sex acts between a man and woman. This is a story written in the 2nd person (“self insert"). This isn’t written to be exclusionary, it’s just my preferred style! Author’s note can be found at the end!

"Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot thank you enough for coming out tonight to listen to me and the band. We've got a couple more songs coming up for you but I just wanted to take a minute to tell y'all how much we appreciate you." You gesture to yourself and the band behind you as the lights on stage come up a bit. "We wouldn't be where we are without your support. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!"

The crowd cheers and you can't help but experience an insurmountable feeling of joy. It never gets old. You'd been in the spotlight for a few years now, already at the end of touring your second album, though the size and scope of venues this time around was much, much larger. There was nothing that compared to being able to sing your own songs and have a crowd of thousands scream them right back at you.

Being an up-and-coming singer and songwriter in the genre of country music hadn't been easy. Girls your type had been a dime a dozen, hoards of Taylor Swift-wannabes covering "Teardrops on My Guitar" during open mic night. You held nothing against them; there was a path to success for everyone, but yours had been, well, different. 

It was a karaoke cover of Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie", a song that you'd been singing since you were a toddler, that had gotten you noticed by a recording artist one night while out with your girlfriends, which led you to where you stand now, performing in front of thousands. You were liked for the range of your voice, with it's easy easy transitions from the sounds of pop to country and rock, in addition to the way you performed, and your take-no-shit attitude towards the entirety of the industry. People liked that you were forward and left nothing on the table, though you had to admit that it was mostly an act, a means of coping with the pressure of working your way to the top.

///

"It's refreshing!" Jax, your manager, had shouted one day, arms flailing as you had argued that maybe your attitude was going to get you into trouble one of these days.

"Aren't you, as, you know, my manager, supposed to be the one keeps me in line?"

"You aren't out doing coke, killing anyone, public indecency and all that," he had shrugged. "Far as I'm concerned, you are in line. People talk about you because of your attitude. They like it! They like you. Why is that so hard for you to accept sometimes?"

"Maybe I just haven't been caught doing those things," you grinned, effectively dodging his question. Fame hadn't helped break down the walls that you'd long ago built around yourself. If anything, you had done some reinforcing, built a moat even, in an effort to ensure that you protected yourself from getting too close to anyone that would only end up using you in the end. You had seen the way people in life had been used, and what it ultimately led them to, and you had promised yourself long ago that even if it meant being known as the Boot Scootin' Bitch, you would protect yourself and your heart at all costs. 

"Your momma would tan your hide for much less than any of those, you know. Hell, you should be more afraid of her than you are of me or anyone else… 'cept maybe God."

///

You shake your head, working the memories free from your mind as you grab a bottle of water from the platform on which the drum set rests.

There's one more song of yours to sing before you performed a new cover, the one you had been looking forward to for months. Although you'd gotten permission to perform it not long into the start of your tour, the set list had been rehearsed already and every other detail ironed out around it. You'd convinced Jax and the crew to let you slot it into the last concert of the tour, Austin, Texas. These folks knew their music and for some reason, they liked you so you were thrilled to be able to share something new with the crowd that had welcomed you to their city with open arms. 

You grab your guitar off its stand and slide the strap over your shoulders, adjusting it as you step forwards to the mic stand. A shimmering blue shirt catches your eye in the crowd and you do a double take because surely it can't be Harry because he's—

And it's not him, of course, though the fashion of the gentleman in the pit area would surely catch his eye as well as it's right up his alley. It's not him - it can't be him - because you know exactly where he is right now and it's not in the pit of your Austin performance. 

A grin stretches over your face as you think of him. You strum the first chord of the first song you'd ever written about him, although there had been many more since. He probably knew this one was about him, having come just after your first meeting. 

/// 

A friend of yours was good friends with Kacey, who had been the guest artist that night. Her name had been added to the VIP list and in the summer of 2018, just as you were hitting your own stride in your career, you tagged along with her to Harry Styles' live tour performance in your hometown of Nashville. 

If you were being honest, prior to his concert, you hadn't heard much of his solo work, apart from the various huge hits like his Kiwi or Watermelon Sugar and a few other ballads. You liked his sound, seemingly influenced heavily by rock stars of days past, but you'd had other influences to worry about in your own side of the industry. 

Sure, he had country music connections through the likes of Kacey Musgraves and Cam, and legends like Stevie Nicks, but his pop and soft rock style was pretty far removed from most country playlists that you yourself had graced. Your genres just didn't cross paths and the two of you seemingly operated in different realms of the music industry, topping your own charts and breaking your own peer's records. 

Of course, you hadn't been completely oblivious to The Harry Styles. One Direction had been too big of a deal to ignore and you'd often found yourself bopping along to their old hits, singing along as they played amongst the other nostalgic pop hits to which you listened. 

The concert had been in June, a hot sunny day followed by a perfect breezy evening. Downtown Nashville was always busy, but that night the city seemed to buzz, bright with music and life. After meeting for drinks at Acme on the River, you allowed yourself to luxuriate in getting lost in the crowd that milled about on Broadway. It was a surprising thing to not be recognized in your hometown, but you weren't one to complain about it. It was one reason that you value your time in Nashville over other music-centric cities like Los Angeles - it seemed that people here respected the private lives of musicians. There was an odd fan here and there, but you'd lived a majority of your "famous" life in Nashville in relative peace. 

You were early to the venue, your friend having wanted to have a chance to see Kacey backstage. You were excited to finally meet the star - though you'd been around the block of fame a bit already, there would always be people that you never had an opportunity to meet in passing. You had been greeted at will call and had been led backstage.

The arena was alive with excitement. At that point, you yourself had never toured a venue that large, so the experience of being backstage and seeing the operations first hand were thrilling and a bit overwhelming. In her dressing room, Kacey pulled you straight into a hug, gushing about how excited she was to watch your career take off. She insisted on sharing her personal cell phone number with you, urging you to call her to get together on a collaboration. You were in shock leaving her room, blown away by her kindness and the way the music industry worked in the most bizarre of ways, when you turned a corner and ran smack into a tall, solid, smiling Harry Styles. His arms had come out quickly to steady you on your heels boots. 

"Fuck," you swore, shaking your head at your clumsiness. "I am so sorry. What a great way to introduce myself."

He laughed and the sound flowed through you, warm and sweet like a cup of tea with honey. "Y'alright?" His eyes looked you over, and you couldn't help but notice the way they lingered. 

Your cheeks blushed and a wave of embarrassment washed over you. "I'm the one that should be asking you that. I don't think your adoring fans would be very happy if I took you out with a textbook tackle right before you're due to go on stage." You took a moment to give him the same appreciative glance he had already given you, admiring the way his deep blue custom-beaded suit jacket fell open to reveal a black dress shirt, unbuttoned halfway down his chest. 

"Ah, 'm fine. Lil' thing like you couldn't do too much damage to me, even in those heels. Don't think they'd be very happy though," he said, nodding his head in acknowledgement of the already-rowdy crowd while offering his hand. "I'm Harry."

You laughed as you introduced yourself, shaking his hand. 

"I've heard that name before, but I'm sorry to say that I don't recognize you. You don't seem like one that's easy to forget."

"I sing, write music," you shrugged, not sure how to explain to a superstar that you were on the way up, yet still somewhere much farther down the fame totem pole than him. "Country, mostly. Not sure if that's on your radar."

"The new stuff's not, but I may have to change that." He was tapped by one of the event producers, needed for another pre-show procedure. "Where will you be tonight?" 

"To your right, in the pit."

He smiled and you had almost immediately fallen in love with the crinkles that appeared under the corners of his eyes. "I'll look out for you. It was wonderful meeting you. Oh, shit, wait, just remembered— may I?" he gestured for the phone that was in your hand and you unlocked it before passing it to him. 

You watched as he dialed a number and put the phone to his ear. He paused for a moment before he grinned. "Hi Harry, it's you from before the show. This is a message to remind you to text this number and ask the owner of it out on a date. She's the one with the beautiful smile and great tackling skills. You won"t have forgotten her. 'Kay, bye!"

You laughed at an almost embarrassing volume, blown away by his cheek. 

"Why not ask 'her' out now?" you pondered to him as he handed the phone back.

"What, and risk getting shot down? Wouldn't want to be sad and disappointed through my whole show, now would I?"

"It would make the ballads a bit more emotional," you had reasoned with a grin.

"Ouch! They're already filled with emotion, love. You'll see, I'll sing 'em right to you if I have to. Gotta run, thank you for letting me use your phone, that was a very important message!"

You laughed again as he took off. "Harry!" you had shouted to get his attention in the busy hall. He turned quickly, a small smile on his face. "She definitely won't say no, but you can wait until later to ask if you want to."

His grin stretched wider and he'd pumped a fist in the air before turning and jogging down the hallway. 

You liked to joke with anyone who knew the story that your life had changed that day all because you met Kacey. Which wasn't a complete lie - it had been her dressing room you'd come out of before slamming into Harry in the hallway. 

///

Singing the last lines of one of your songs, your stomach began to flutter in a bit of nervousness and a lot of excitement. Performing the next cover was something you had been looking forward to for months, and the moment that you got to share it with your fans was finally here. 

You retreat from the mic stand to pass your guitar off to a stagehand, taking another sip of water to settle yourself. 

"Doing alright?" Wyatt, your drummer, shouts over the pounding bass drum and you give him a thumbs up before turning back to face the crowd. 

"I've got one more cover to play for y'all tonight," you say, grasping the mic stand to keep your hands from shaking. "I've been working on getting permission to play this one for quite awhile now. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it played and now here I am, performing it for you all. It's an unreleased piece by a very, very good friend of mine, but his performances of it are all over the internet so some of you may know the words. This song is called Medicine."

The song starts out with a steady bass line and the rhythm centers you a bit, steadying any nerves that still linger. The intro gives you a minute to shake out your shoulders and get comfortable at the mic stand once more like Harry does at each performance. You catch yourself having fun mimicking him and feel thankful that you're able to perform one of your favorite songs of his. When the bass drops in pitch and the electric guitar riffs, you slide in close to the mic stand.

"Here to take my medicine, take my medicine," you sang the opening lines, already settling into the sexy rock sound of the song you and the band had rehearsed relentlessly over the last few weeks. No, the genre wasn't one you normally dabbled in, but part of the fun of performing was taking chances, risks. You had to admit, you liked the sound a lot. It tempted you to branch out a bit more on your upcoming album. 

The opening lines of the first verse throw you back into thoughts of meeting Harry that first night. You hadn't imagined what would follow the concert, let alone have the foresight to see it bringing you to this very moment in time. 

///

You had been standing outside the arena after the concert, ears buzzing and heart thumping still from the incredible show Harry had put on. As soon as he disappeared from the backstage hall earlier, you had immediately saved his number to your phone, still in disbelief over the night's events. 

Your heart had soared when your phone began to vibrate, not in a text message but in a voice call. Harry's name appeared on the screen and your friend had nudged you, clearly approving of the night's turn of events. 

"Harry," you answered, ready to praise him halfway to Sunday on his performance. 

"Let me take you out," he interrupted you. "Right now. Please? Anywhere you want to go." 

You laughed and paused. "Yeah, okay. I might know of a place."

There was a lot of shuffling on his end before his voice came back on the line. "Might've had to do another fist pump."

"Told you she wouldn't say no."

"Where are you?" You heard the smile in his voice, already familiar with it. 

"Demonbreun and John Lewis, headed towards the park."

"Give me 10, I'll pick you up." He paused. "Be careful, okay?"

"I'll stick with the hoards of your fans milling about, maybe ask some of them for the hot gossip on you while I wait."

"Don't believe anything they say," he said, and you could tell he was still smiling as he hung up. 

He and his driver arrived shortly after, Harry's hair damp and covered with a baseball cap, dressed down in black pants and a simple loose white shirt, tattoos peeking out everywhere you looked. He exited the car and opened the back door for you, helping you balance as you stepped up into the large Suburban. 

"We'll go to Pecker's," you said to his driver, laughing as Harry snorted next to you. "Shut up, it's just a bar. Take a right up here onto 24 and it'll take us all the way to Fairfield. It'll be on the right."

He looked at you and smiled before reaching out to hold your hand in the middle seat between you. 

Taking Harry to Pecker's had just felt right. It was where you'd been discovered, where all of your adventures had started, and you weren't sure why but you wanted to share that small part of you with him after watching him up on stage that night. 

"Won't people recognize you? I looked you up before the show, you're apparently a pretty big deal around here." He had asked, smirking, sipping on the locally-brewed beer that Clint, the regular bartender, was serving that night. 

"Locals are pretty good about not interrupting our normal lives. Pecker's isn't as well known to tourists either, so it's a good hideout. This is where a lot of producers, executives and all the other professionals come to unwind." You ignored his comment on your fame and had taken a sip of your margarita instead. "Unless, of course, there's a drag show scheduled, then it's a bit of a madhouse."

Harry laughs into his drink and you grin. "So," he started after a pause, twiddling with the rings on his right hand. "What'd you think?"

"It was incredible," you said without hesitation. "Truly one of the best live shows I've seen in a long time, country acts included. You've got such a magnetism about you that people can't help but want to watch." You blushed a bit, alcohol and the quick comfort of him loosening your lips. "The whole water spraying trick was hot," you admit, making him blush. "And don't tell Stevie, but I think I might prefer your version of The Chain."

"Sacrilege! That's some incredibly high praise," he said, a small smile teasing at the corners of his mouth. 

"Earned and deserved," you said, tilting your glass to his. "Honestly, Harry, you're an incredible musician. There aren't many out there that have the whole package like that."

"What about you? You seem like the whole package."

"I don't know if I'd say that. If you looked me up, you've likely seen what they say about me. 'My attitude won't get me far' and all. But I don't think it's my attitude, so much as it is my willingness to take the risks that others won't. I'm not out here to make music that's just there to be sold. Hell, I couldn't care less about the money. All I want is to create music that makes me feel fulfilled, and I think that honesty scares them." You twirled your finger in the condensation of the glass in front of you. You glanced up to his face finding his eyes already on yours, holding your gaze steadily. "It doesn't scare you, does it?"

"It's the most refreshing thing I've heard in a while. Not many people in the industry are fearless in the face of failure like that."

"I'm definitely not fearless; I just refuse to change who I am to make a buck."

"Who are you then?" Harry had asked, and telling him your story was easy. You couldn't understand how it was so natural, opening up to a stranger, but as the conversation wore on, you realized how similar you and Harry were in terms of the way you conducted your professional lives and that was without apology. 

And you also realized, as the evening continued and you and Harry crept your bar stools closer and closer to one another, feet and knees bumping, his fingers tracing the ridges of your knuckles as you shared life stories like long lost friends, that you didn't want it to end. 

///

"He's acting like a gentleman," you continue, changing up the lyrics slightly as you finish the first verse. The line always made you smile and you let yourself briefly flash back into your reminiscing about the night you'd met Harry, and how, even though he had acted gentlemanly upon dropping you off for the evening, you wanted to be anything but a gentlewoman. 

///

After enjoying drinks late into the evening at Pecker's, Harry had insisted on having his driver take you home rather than allowing you to call an Uber. 

"Such a gentleman," you commented as he opened the car door for you once again. 

"Maybe my gentlemanly actions have motives," he said, sliding his hand along your lower back as you step past him and into the car. Your grin matched his smirk as he shut the door and you decided that he'd been right - not calling an Uber was the right thing to do.

The car ride back to your apartment building was too quick and before you knew it, he was at your door again, offering a hand for you to hold for balance as you exited the car. Neither of you let go as you walked through the lobby towards the elevators. 

"You're uh— You're welcome to come up, if you'd like," you said, suddenly shy but not wanting to chicken out on asking for what you wanted, asking for some continuation of this sweet but likely brief meeting between you two. "For a drink, I mean, or to keep chatting, you know."

Harry smiled and glanced around the empty lobby. His hand in yours smoothed up the length of your arm, over your shoulder, and came to rest at your jaw. "I'd love to, believe me. You have no idea how much I want to." He leaned towards you, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead and your skin burned at the contact of his lips. "But I want to do this the right way. Don't want you to get the wrong idea of me."

"What if I want the wrong idea of you?"

He laughed, the sound open and honest and it had given you hope. "You called me a gentleman earlier and I have to admit that I liked it, coming from you. Would like to keep up the facade that I am, even if it's just for a bit." His face searched yours, each of you trying to read the thoughts that were flying through one another's minds. "You have beautiful lips," he whispered suddenly, his accent thicker than it had been all night. 

Your mouth quirked into a smile, unable to do anything but preen at his compliment. "You do too," you replied, just as softly. 

"Can I kiss you?"

"Please, yes." Before the words had settled he was kissing you, slowly and with too much care, like you would break if he wasn't gentle enough. It was over much too quick but you knew you would remember every moment of it for the rest of your life. 

"Christ, I'd wanted to do that all night." His thumb smoothed over your cheekbone, smiling when you leaned into the touch. He glanced up as the elevator doors swung open and gently nudged you towards them. "Thank you, truly, for a wonderful evening. I promise to give you a call soon."

"I'll send Kacey after you if you don't!" you laughed, stepping into the lift.

"Good night darling." He winked and the doors slid shut, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the delicious ghost of his lips on yours. 

///

"Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline, think I'm gonna stick with you," you finish the first verse as Ryann rips through the chords on her guitar. You loved that the song built slowly, and even though that meant a quieter beginning, it promised an explosive end. 

Though the crowd had been hesitant at first, you can see that the first few rows of them are nodding along, countless phones out recording the performance. You know that somewhere out there at your request is a member of your press team, professionally filming the cover. You may only be doing it once, but you were determined to make sure you would never forget it.

///

You had enough time at home to check some of your social media accounts, shower and get comfortable in bed before your phone rang again. For the second time that day, your heart soared seeing Harry's name light up your screen.

"If you're going to say that you're downstairs because you've reconsidered my offer for that nightcap, I'll need a few moments to prepare as I'm currently in my pajamas," you said as a greeting and you were met with his warm laughter once again.

"No, no, I had to go back to the arena for a bit anyways, pack up and all of that," he said, still chuckling. "I just— I wanted to make sure you weren't offended by me declining your offer. Because I wanted to— I didn't want the night to end there. There's something about you that's… Transfixing. And I don't want to ruin that and make you think you're just a fling."

"That's quite a compliment," you said, a bit awed by his words.

"What was it you said earlier, "earned and deserved", yeah?" He said, quoting your toast to him at the bar, making you grin. "I want you to be more than that. I'd like to get to know you, the gentlemanly way."

"Okay. Will we have a chaperone at our next date then?" He laughed but didn't correct your referral to that evening as a date. You had snuggled a bit deeper into the sheets, still disbelieving that all of this had been the result of being dragged along to a concert. 

"No chaperones," he chuckled, "but yes, I do want to take you out again, if you'd let me."

"Hmm," you jokingly pondered aloud, as if answering with anything other than a resounding "yes" was on your mind. "I suppose I could fit something into my schedule."

"I hope that's a yes."

"Of course it's a yes! I didn't want the night to end either. And don't you dare say that you just did another fist pump," you had laughed, hearing the familiar shuffling of the phone on his end of the line.

"Me? Never!"

"You're adorable," you had said, a smile stuck on your face.

"And you're beautiful. Two can play this game."

There had been a comforting silence between you for a moment before you had spoken up again. "Harry?"

"Yeah, love?"

You had blushed at the pet name but loved the way it sounded being directed your way. "Thank you," you had whispered. 

"Should be me thanking you. Sleep well sweetheart." You'd fallen asleep with your phone in hand, hopeful that you wouldn't wake up the next morning to realize it had all been a dream.

/// 

It hadn't been a dream, and here you were, nearly two years later, performing one of the songs that Harry himself had sung the night that you'd begun falling for him.

The second verse continued quickly and you let the lyrics wash over you as you sang, loving the way the rock energy of the song sounded with a bit of your band's country influence. 

"Here to take my medicine, take my medicine, rest it on your fingertips," you sang, holding your pointer finger in the air much like Harry did every time he performed the song before bringing it to your lips as you sang the next line. "Up to your mouth, feeling it out, feeling it out."

/// 

Beginning to date Harry - properly date him too, not just make FaceTime calls to one another from across the world and sending texts back and forth until the wee hours of the morning thanks to the differences in time zones, sharing everything and more with one another as best you could digitally - had been the most exhilarating experience of your life, and you had performed in front of sold out crowds and accepted awards on live television. His tour was due to stretch on for almost another month throughout North America and the next time you saw him was when you'd been invited as Harry's guest to his show in Chicago just a few weeks after you'd met. 

While he had put on an incredible show for the United Center, there had been moments that felt like he was performing just for you, glancing over to where you stood in the Friends and Family area, meeting your eyes and grinning. By that point, you could sing along to every song of his and you knew he loved it, loved watching you dance along to the music that he had created and was performing. 

In a moment where you were thankful for the differences between the genres in which you two performed, you hadn't been recognized at all by his fans. You'd both talked about wanting to keep things quiet as you got to know one another, and you hadn't wanted a relationship with him, an already incredibly famous artist, to somehow influence the trajectory of yours. While it had been easy when you were apart, being together without seemingly being together was difficult. Especially in that moment, when all you wanted to do was curl up into him and soak in the post-show bliss with him. Instead, you sat on the couch with him, a cushion apart from one another, holding his hand tightly while you chatted about the concert. 

"Someone is gonna notice that you looked to my side of the pit constantly all night," you said and he grinned guiltily. 

"I like knowing you're in the crowd," he shrugged. "Besides," he scooted closer and threw his arm around you before dragging you in close, "you look incredible, how could I not want to stare at you all night?"

"Anyone could walk in," you pointed out, watching as his eyes followed your lips. 

"Just want a little taste," he said, moving in closer, "Haven't I earned a kiss from my girlfriend after all of that work up on stage?"

Your eyebrows raised in surprise as you looked at him and he seemingly realized his slip-up. 

"I mean— What I meant was— Shit," he scrubbed a hand over his face but you could tell he was hiding a grin. "Wasn't exactly how I wanted to ask you, but… Will you officially be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, H. I'm all yours."

"Love it when you call me H." He pulled you in for a kiss that you both lost yourselves in, finally able to experience the feeling of one another after being denied it for so long. When a knock at the dressing room door came, Harry had to all but drag himself away from you, hair disheveled and lips swollen, scowling at the door. 

You threw your head back and laughed as he stalked over and pulled it open with a flourish. 

"What?"

"The hell's your issue?" you heard Mitch ask before Harry widened the door so he could see you laughing on the couch. You raised a hand in greeting and Harry's scowl deepened as Mitch chuckled, taking in both of your disheveled appearances. "Oh, shit, hey, sorry. Uh, car's ready when you are. See you tomorrow bud." 

"Harry!" you chided once he'd closed the door in Mitch's face, giggles still bubbling out of your mouth. "He was just being polite."

"Interrupting arse is what he is," Harry said, sitting down and pulling you into his lap. "Where were we?"

You threw your arms around his neck and pressed your body as close to his as possible, hoping that he'd thought to lock the door before returning to your embrace. "Right about here, I think." With a hand on your hip, sliding under your shirt to reach warm skin and one at the back of your neck, Harry kissed you until you were breathless and not only wanting more but very seriously needing it. 

"Come back to the hotel with me," he murmured against your lips as you ground your body down on him, reveling in the way the action made him throw his head against the back of the couch and exhale sharply. 

"You sure?" Your hands smoothed over the chest of his skin, tracing the dark swallows with your fingertips as you rolled your hips. 

He shuddered at the light touch and gripped your hips tightly, pressing his up as you pressed yours down and the action made you sigh, the pressure a delicious tease of what was hopefully to come. "Absolutely," he said, his grin telling you he was pleased with the noises he was causing you to make. "Want you so bad, like I won't be able to breathe right until I properly have you."

You leaned in to kiss at his neck, his shower-damp curls tickling your cheek. "The feeling is mutual. Adored watching you up on stage tonight. Have I told you yet how much I love seeing you perform?" You nuzzle at his neck, urging him to tilt his head back farther, exposing more of his skin to you. 

"Yeah, you have, but tell me again," he sighed, his hands running up and down your back. 

"It's like when you get on stage no one else before or after you matters," you said honestly, letting your lips against his skin hide how truthful you were really being, spilling all of your thoughts about seeing Harry up on stage. It was scary, feeling so deeply for him already. But you wanted him to know, at least in part, what it meant to be able to watch him perform. "Something about your live voice just makes my breath catch in my throat, I can't get enough of it."

Harry breathed deeply for a moment, working to center himself while you nosed at the curls around his ear and heaped praise upon him. 

"It's like you connect with every person out in the crowd, like you're singing just for them. You can tell that you're having fun and people want to join you in that. They know you love the attention," you whispered and he hummed in appreciation (or agreement), the sound low in his throat. "They'd stay out there all night for if they could, screaming about how much they love you."

"And you feed into it, playing it up for them. You know exactly what you're doing when you get to act a little bit naughty up there, driving them all mad," you said with a smile. 

He chuckled and you could hear and feel the sound rumble through him. "Played it up for you tonight. Did it work?" 

"You mean did it make me want to jump your bones the second you came off stage? Yeah, it worked."

"Fucking hell," he said, holding you close with his hands on your butt as he stood up. "Our first time is not going to be in a dressing room so we need to go now."

He let you slide down his body and held you steady as you balanced on your legs. "Would be pretty fitting though, don't you think, given how we met and what we do?"

"Yeah, but then I'd think about it every time I was in one. You wanna torture me relentlessly?" He pulled you tight against him, kissing you once more before separating to grab his bags. 

"Yeah, relentless torture sounds like something I might be into." 

He glanced up at your words, eyes dark and hungry, a smirk on his lips. "Careful what you wish for, love." 

///

The bass line increased behind the riff of Ryann's guitar and you leaned into the mic stand, eyes closing as you continued singing the first bridge. "I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm wasted, and when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you…"

There were a few fans of yours and Harry's who apparently knew the words as they helped you out, screaming the unwritten word that finished the sentence: "tasted."

///

Harry was quick to say goodbye to everyone on the team before pulling you quickly through back hallways and down quiet staircases, sneaking quick kisses when he was sure there was no one around. You were both out of breath when you finally climbed into the car, grinning like kids getting away with sneaking around. 

The hotel ride was quick, mercifully, but Harry had been anything but patient, his hand at your knee creeping up slowly, closer and closer to the hem of your dress, toying with the hem while he chatted with the driver. 

"I'm gonna head in first with Martin and Eric will loop around and drop you off at the side entrance. I would wait in the lobby for you but this hotel hasn't been the best in the past with uh— containing sensitive information, we'll say, so Martin will meet you on your floor to get your stuff, then bring you up. Is that okay?"

"You sound like you've done this before, Styles," you said with a wink, using humor to cover the nerves that had settled in the pit of your stomach. 

He blushed and you loved knowing you got under his skin so easily. "The band used to stay here when we toured… and I was young and dumb once, yes."

"Just giving you a hard time, H."

His grin stretched as he leaned over to peck your lips once more. "See you in a minute, love."

Harry climbed out and the driver took off once again, slowly circling the block. "He's quite taken with you, you know," he said, glancing up in the rear view mirror as he parked the car at the curb. He got out and opened the door for you in the empty street then used his keycard to unlock the heavy side door of the hotel.

"Thank you," you said, both for his actions and his omission about Harry. Sure, you had talked to him as often as possible over the last weeks and had yourself been on the receiving end of his attention, but it felt validating to hear that Harry's feelings for you may have gone a bit farther than just a small crush if people around him had also noticed his behavior. 

Harry's bodyguard was waiting by the elevators and escorted you to your room to gather your luggage, then led you to Harry's door.

"Car'll be around about 9 tomorrow morning, H. Flight's at 10:30." He turned to you. "I understand you have business to continue here in Chicago?"

"Yes, meetings tomorrow and then I fly back to Nashville in the evening."

"There'll be a driver ready for you tomorrow as well. He's been instructed to take you wherever you need to go and he'll stay until you depart. Have a nice evening," he nodded at Harry, who was smiling in the doorway, before departing.

"You didn't have to do that for me, I could've managed by getting an Uber," you said, stepping into the room past Harry to set your bags down and kick your shoes off. 

"I didn't, was Martin's idea; says he doesn't want anything to happen to the one thing that's made me so happy these last few weeks."

"Oh yeah? I'm the one thing, huh?"

"You're everything, honestly," he replied a bit sheepishly, taking your hands in his. "Think I might like you a bit more than I already should. Lettin' my heart get a bit ahead of my head, I suppose."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," you said softly and he beamed. 

He moved his hands up to cup your face, pulling you close for a sweet kiss that quickly turned insistent, heat rising between the two of you. Harry slid his hands under the hem of your shirt to rest where your spin ended and yours wrapped around his neck, dragging him down to you as you stepped behind you towards the bed. His long legs tangled with yours and you tumbled backwards, laughing as you hit the plush bed and Harry collapsed on top of you.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at you with a smile, pushing the hair that had fallen into your face aside. "Hi baby," he said softly.

"Hi."

"Missed you," he said, leaning down for another sweet kiss. 

"We were apart for like, eight minutes," you giggled between his kisses, your laughter giving way to a sigh as he moved to press a kiss to your nose, your cheek, your chin.

"Doesn't matter," he breathed into the crook of your neck, pressing small open mouth kisses to the soft skin there, "Any time apart is too long."

"The two weeks left of the tour will fly by. You should enjoy them while you can."  

"Wish you could come with me, love performing for you." He kissed his way across the base of your neck, collarbone to collarbone as his fingers trailed to the small straps on your shoulders. "Would you like to take this off?"

"Please," you sighed, desperate and aching for the feeling of his skin against yours. 

Your first time sleeping with Harry had been exactly what you'd wanted and expected - hot and fast, admittedly over a bit more quickly than either of you had wanted, but worth the weeks of wait. 

Harry's skill set hadn't ended at singing and playing instruments. If anything, his vast experience using his hands and mouth only helped him excel in other pastimes that also utilized those parts of his body. To both of your delights, he had proven his adeptness in all areas multiple times that night, and once again in the morning before he had to rush into the shower, dragging you along with him simply to get more time together before you were forced apart once again. 

/// 

You had spent the next two months away from one another, Harry having wrapped his tour and immediately beginning work on his next album. You'd spent your own time mixed between writing and recording an upcoming single. You had already written a handful of songs that were inspired by him and you'd wondered, albeit a bit nervously, if the sentiment was shared. When he stopped in Nashville on a long layover, pushing his flight back even longer to stay with you for another night, you'd tried to pry the information out of him. Unfortunately, no amount of sexual teasing or denial had convinced him — he, however, had you singing like a canary almost immediately, teasing you in the best way about how easily you opened up for him, telling him all about the music that he had already inspired.

You had been FaceTiming him late one night weeks later, both tired from long days spent in the studio. He had suddenly gotten shy, biting at the skin around his fingernails. 

"Hey, stop that. What's the matter H?"

"Wanna ask you something," he mumbled, but a smile was peeking through where his fingers were still at his lips. "Jus' don't know how to."

"Baby," you sighed, "you can ask me anything. Y'know that." 

"I know, I know." He paused and took a deep breath before a wide smile stretched across his face. "Would you maybe want to come home with me this Christmas? To London? Wouldn't be for long, maybe just a couple nights, I just wanna introduce you to my mum already, she's been pestering me nonstop lately 'bout meetin' you and Gem's joined in on it now too, so it's two against one when they call and I've told them that—"

"Harry," you said chucking, trying to interrupt his nervous rambling.

"—and she actually called me Harold last time she told me to bring you 'round and that got me a bit worried so I—"

"Harry! Of course I'll come with you. I'd absolutely love to."

You met him at the airport weeks later, desperate to pull him close and kiss him silly in the confines of his darkly tinted car, but you refrained, knowing how seriously Harry took the protection of your relationship from the press. You may not have been able to see anyone straining to capture pictures of you two, but you knew there was always the chance. 

It was an entirely different story, however, when he'd finally pulled the car past the mechanical gate and into his private drive. You both reached for each other immediately, arms tangled and shifter knob pressed uncomfortably against your side, but perfectly content so long as his lips were against yours. 

"Fuck— I missed you— so much," he muttered between kisses. He pulled away, forehead resting against yours, sly smirk pulling at his lips. "Mum won't expect us for a few hours at least."

"What is it that you're insinuating, Mr. Styles?"

"That there's plenty of time to give you a tour around the house, that's all," he said innocently. He gave you a sweet smile before hopping out of the car and coming to the passenger side where he helped you out and picked up your bags.

You were eager to be given a house tour, more than keen to learn all of the things you could about his London life. The house was decorated in a way that made you smile - eclectic but with a definitive air of cohesive taste. It suited Harry to an absolute tee. From the artwork that decorated the walls to the mismatched but homey furniture, you could tell immediately that this was Harry's sanctuary - every inch of the home screamed his name. 

"It's incredible," you said as he led you into the largest room, the master. He walked over to the dresser that sat under the window and pulled open the top two drawers. 

"I know we won't be here long, this time around, but I cleaned out a few drawers for you here, if you want to unpack some things. And there's space in the closet for you too," he nodded towards the door on the other side of the room, dragging a hand through his hair as he talked, "I had too much in there anyways and some of it needed to go and I wanted you to be able to leave some things, if you felt comfortable, of if Mum drags us out shopping and you don't want to take it all home now you can leave it here and-"

"You- you cleared out a drawer for me?"

"Well, yeah," he said, resting his hand on the back of his neck. "Made some space for you in the bathroom too, though I doubt it'll be enough, with all that you bring along to fix yourself up." He paused and thought for a moment. "I know how our lives are. I just wanted you to have some of your own space here; want you to feel as comfortable in my home as I do. Is that too much?" 

"H," you said with a sigh, your lips curling into a smile, "it's perfect, and so thoughtful. I'm sorry I haven't done the same for you in Nashville yet."

"'s alright, love. I've already got a toothbrush there at least. I can take some time when we fly back to come and help if you'd like me to. As long as you don't end up wearing all the clothes that I leave there," he chuckled.

"You know me too well," you said, reaching for his hand. He lifted your entwined fingers to his lips to brush a kiss over your knuckles.

"You do look good in my clothes," he confessed, pulling you close to face him. "Look good in my house. But you always look good anyways."

"Said the pot to the kettle," you said with a smile. "I like being here already," you shrug, hands resting on his shoulders. "It feels like you, like home. Thank you for inviting me," you add, as though the measly voicing of your appreciation is enough to convey what you truly feel. 

"You're welcome anytime, if I'm here or not."

"You trust me that much?"

"Yeah, I do. I'll get you a key and everything." He leaned down to kiss you slowly, relearning the map of your lips and mouth, before pulling away. He laughed when you made a noise of protest.

"The bathroom's over here if you'd like to freshen up." He had pulled at your hand, stepping towards the other open door in the room. "Figured a shower might sound nice after a long day in an airplane. Besides, I've gotta clean up before we go to Mum's anyways."

"Gonna join me?" 

"Yeah, thought I might, if that's okay." His smirk had been wicked as he pushed you the rest of the way into the bathroom. He dropped your hand to reach for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head quickly. As he reached for the buckle of his pants, he had met your staring eyes. "See something you like, love?"

You definitely had, though you didn't think your attraction — physically or emotionally — for Harry had stopped at something that was as weak as "like." Getting to know him over the last six months had made you worry that there wasn't ever going to be anyone else like him, anyone that made you feel like he did. You had fallen for him, desperately hard, and the realization of it as you stood in front of his half-naked self almost embarrassed you. 

"Babe? You alright?" he asked as he stripped down to his boxers. 

"Yeah, you just got me all distracted," you had grinned, pulling your sweatshirt and remaining clothes off quickly before joining Harry under the warm spray of the water.

Meeting Harry's mom that evening went better than you could've ever dreamt it would. The two of you got on like old friends, and Harry had stared, almost in wonder, at how easily you seemed to bond with her. And then he had stared in horror as Anne offered to pull out the photo albums filled with pictures from Harry's childhood, particularly when Anne offered up the album filled with photos from Harry's and Gemma's emo phases. 

As the evening wore on, you caught Harry on more than one occasion glancing your way, cheeks bright from the red wine he was sipping on and eyes warmly reflecting the bright Christmas lights. He always looked like he was a split second away from saying something, only to shake his head and look away with a small smile. 

Later, in bed, Harry pulled you close to him. He was laying on his back, you on your side, and you threw a leg over his waist, soaking in all of the cuddles you could get on this short trip together. The room was only illuminated by the ambient light coming in through the blinds. 

"Mum liked you a lot," he murmured, gently stroking the skin at the base of your spine, "said I should hang onto you". 

You returned the gesture, running your fingertips along the lines of ink that make up his many tattoos. "I liked her too. She's wonderful, I see where you get it from now."

"Hey now, 'm wonderful all on my own!" He tickled your side and you couldn"t help but arch towards him, shrieking and laughing at the touch. 

"Stop that! You are an absolute pest, you know that?" you said, grinning up at him.

"Ah, you love me," he whispered, and his joking tone made you smile but the way he pulled you tighter as he said it made you brave. 

You let the weight what you were about to say wash over you, aware that things were going to change forever with just a few words. "I do love you, Harry," you whispered, moving up his body to press a kiss to his lips.

"Thank God," he had said, wrapping his arms back around you and pulling you on top of him. "Cause I love you too."

Leaving Harry after that had been even more difficult. All you wanted to do was be with him, but you had too much coming up with the future release of your album and Harry was still in the midst of doing his own writing and recording. 

It was your professions, along with the desire to keep your relationship private, that kept you apart. You weren't sure how you did it, but your relationship had withstood the distance and odd-hours. The only step now would be deciding if, when, and how to confirm the suspicions to tabloids and fans alike that you were an item.

The wait was killing you. All you wanted was to show off to the world that Harry was yours.

///

The bridge of the song was followed quickly by the chorus and the heavy guitar and pounding drums had you rocking on your feet, body swaying into the mic stand as you let yourself get lost in the lyrics. "If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive."

The crowd was even more into the song now, many picking up on the words quickly and screaming them along with your singing. The rock and roll vibe of the song was coursing through you and the crowd, the arena electric with energy already. 

"You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it."

You remove the mic from the stand and dance towards one end of the stage, singing as you move to the beat. "We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh! La da da da da! You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"

///

You had been on the phone with Harry one day in July, nearly five months after the release of your album, having him help you decide what the setlist of your tour would be when it began in November. 

"I wish I could cover one of your songs."

He had laughed and slurped his tea, the sounds comforting to you, even over the phone. "That'd be a bit obvious, wouldn't it love?"

"I don't mean cover Golden or Kiwi," you said, tapping your pen against the pad of paper in front of you. "What about one you wrote for 1D? What about Perfect? Or Stockholm Syndrome! That was always one of my favorites."

"Getting permission on those might be a bit more difficult, s'not just me that's gotta sign off on it. Besides, do you really wanna be the artist that covers a One Direction song on her own headlining tour?"

"Guess I'll stick with singing along to them in the shower then."

You were both quiet for a moment, lost in your own thoughts. 

"What if I covered Medicine?" you asked suddenly, realizing it was the perfect compromise, not to mention your favorite song that Harry himself performed oh his own tour. The rock sound wasn't a far cry from the roots that country music had and you knew it would sound great. "Even if it was just for one stop!"

"Hmm," Harry mused. "It would sound great with the band, I'll give you that. But videos will go around, people will know it's my song you're singing and they'll connect the dots about us."

"H, I'm ready for that if you are. I love you, and I'm ready to be able to share that love that I have for you with the world. Sneaking around has been fun but I want people to know how proud of you I am and how much you're loved and appreciated. Half of our fans know already, it's just a matter of us confirming it. I think that we could really-"

Harry was laughing at your rambling on the other end of the line. "Alright, alright, you drive a hard bargain, love. I think you're right, maybe it is time we stopped sneaking around. I'll try, but Jax and everyone else still have to agree to it too. It might be easier to convince everyone if it's just a one time thing. Pick another cover, something you'd normally do, in case it takes some time to work things out."

"I'll ask him right now! Thank you Harry!"

"I just have one condition," he said, and you could hear the grin that was surely pulling at the corners of his lips. 

"What's that?"

"I get to perform it with you," he had said, and the smile already on your face widened exponentially. "If we're finally gonna make "us" public, may as well do it with a bang."

///

In the moment after the chorus, an 8 count beat is carried by the drummer and guitarist. For this performance, and the only performance you'd put on of this song, you had rehearsed the 8 count repeating once between the chorus and the next verse, as you needed a bit of extra time to announce your guest performer. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," you shout into the mic, grin wide and face beaming already at what was about to take place. "To help me finish this performance, please help me welcome my very good friend, Harry Styles!"

Harry emerges from behind the stage holding his own wireless mic as much of the crowd screams - he may not be a country artist, but he was absolutely known worldwide. You step back with a wave of your arm, smiling as he begins the next chorus. His performance is for the crowd but he's singing the words directly to you. 

"Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes, tingle running through my bones," he sings, voice smooth like whiskey, and the crowd adores him, eating out of the palm of his hand. "The boys and the girls are in, I mess around with them, and I'm OK with it." 

You can't help but dance as he sings, his voice and the energy of the crowd propelling you to move. He watches you, eyes no longer on the crowd, as he sings the next lines. Immediately, heat pools low in your belly at his glance and the words. 

"I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it. And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you…"

You gyrate your hips at the unsung line of "ride it", listening with a sly grin as some in the crowd scream the two words that go unsung. 

///

After giving him a key, Harry had moved some of his clothes to your apartment in Nashville some time while you were away on the first leg of your tour. He had found the city to be incredibly welcoming and inspirational for his upcoming album and had decided to stay there for a spell while you continued to tour around the country. 

You had scheduled a short break between your concerts over New Years, wanting to be able to grab at least one or two nights at home with him to celebrate the holiday before you were back on the road again. 

"So fucking glad you're home," Harry panted, pulling your shirt over your head before attaching his lips to yours once again. "Missed you like crazy."

"Missed you too," you moaned as his lips moved downwards, across your neck and over your collarbones, down the valley between your breasts. Before he could reach around to unhook your bra, you reached for his shirt, as desperate as he was to see and touch what you'd been missing. 

As he pulled the half-unbuttoned blouse over his head, you pulled your leggings off and reached for him, pushing him back onto the bed behind him. He unbuttoned his pants as he scooted up towards the middle of the bed, shoving them and his boxers off in one swoop. 

You climbed on top of him, hurriedly reaching to kiss him as you rubbed your clothed center along the length of his hard cock. 

"Fuck," he hissed, throwing his head back to allow you room to kiss his neck. "Desperate aren't you, darling?"

"Want you so bad it hurts," you whispered, sucking a bright hickey right where it would absolutely be seen by anyone.

You moved to continue kissing down his chest but he stopped you with a hand under your arm. "Not gonna last long, love. Wanna be inside you."

His cheeks and chest were flushed bright red, lips puffy and pupils blown wide. This was when you loved him most, being able to have him like no one else did. The same feeling always hit you at certain moments, particularly ones of domesticity, like when you watched him back the car out of the driveway or when he stood in the kitchen in the morning in nothing but socks, boxers, and his ratty old robe, singing along to old big band jazz as he waited for the coffee to brew. There was Harry Styles the musician, Harry Styles the actor, and Harry Styles the performer, but then there was your Harry. 

"Yeah, okay," you sighed, moving off of him quickly to remove your bra and panties. You climbed back onto the bed and threw your leg over his hips, straddling him. He immediately reached for you and pulled you flush against his chest, his lips capturing yours in a bruising kiss. 

You rocked your hips against him as he held you, your slick arousal gliding along his length, drawing a moan from both of you. 

"Baby, please," he panted, and you could only mod in agreement, lost already to the sweeping feeling of your close release. 

His hands rested on your hips as you positioned him at the entrance between your legs. You groaned in harmony as you worked down him slowly, the only sound in the room was your shared heavy breathing and gasps. 

"Fuck me," he sighed as you set a slow pace, rocking on top of him to reach each spot that you know will get you there. 

"Workin' on it," you grin. A quick swivel of your hips hit at just the right angle and you tossed your head back, repeating the movement over and over again until you shuddered with a final snap of tension, your orgasm rolling over you as Harry helped you move, hands tight on your hips, to wring all you could from the release. 

"You look so beautiful right now, like a fuckin' angel," Harry said, voice low and gravely, accent thick with need. 

"How's that line go?" you said as you slowed down, smirking when a harsh rock of your hips caused Harry to moan. "'Turns out she's a devil in between the sheets'?"

"Fuck," he groaned again, eyes closed tightly. "Can't just go reciting my own lyrics to me while I"m buried in ya like this, love."

"And there's nothing you can do about it," you continued, singing the line of his song this time, and his hips buck up into yours harshly.

"You're gonna pay for that," he had said, quoting another of his songs, before he had flipped you over onto your back and set his own brutal pace.

///

Like he can read your thoughts, Harry beams and wags a finger in your direction and the crowd screams at your chemistry together. You grab your mic from its stand and take a step towards Harry to sing the chorus together.

"If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive." Harry dances off to the side of the stage, performing once again for the crowd. 

You dance at center stage with your wireless mic, too excited about performing with Harry that you can't stand in one spot. The music and Harry's energy make you want to move. "You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it." 

"We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh! La da da da da!" Harry throws his head back, singing along in his own world and you can't look away from him. He really was a rockstar and getting to share the stage with him like this was an experience you'd never forget. 

"You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"

There's a great pause in the lyrics where the guitar, keyboard, and drums play together, increasing the tension of the song. You and Harry take off towards opposite ends of the stage, both reveling in the performance for the crowd as you dance and stomp to the beat. Eventually, with a slide down the keys of the keyboard, the instrumental quiets into just the steady beat of the bass line joined by the hi-hats. 

You and Harry urge the crowd to clap along as you both return to the middle of the stage to sing together once again. He always said that this portion of the song was one of his favorites to perform, the repeated line from the bridge ending abruptly with the lights going out before flashing back on, the added theatrics of the performance elevating the climax of the song completely. Having rehearsed that Harry would sing the following chorus alone, you let yourself get lost in his gaze as it settles on you.

You stand facing one another behind the mic stand, once again singing more to one another rather than to the crowd. You step closer towards him as the lyrics progress, nearly chest to chest now with your voices sharing one another's mics. "I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm—"

Before you can sing the last word of the line and the lights can blink out as rehearsed, Harry leans forwards and captures your mouth in a hungry kiss. The crowd erupts with screams as the lights above the stage go dark.

You can feel rather than hear him say the words "I love you" against your lips and you have just enough time to repeat them back to him before the drums and guitar pick the beat up once again, the lights flashing back on brightly. He moves away and continues to sing the chorus that follows as if nothing had happened. You're a bit stunned, not having prepared for his relationship-revealing public display of affection to happen during your performance of his song but it was perfect and he knows it. Your smile is wide and you can't help but stand rooted where you are and laugh at what has just finally happened.

"If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive," he sings, smirking at you while you blush across from him. 

You join him in singing the last lines, your right hand joining his left hand where everyone can see your fingers entwine. 

"You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it. We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh!"

You urge the crowd with a waving hand to join in and they do, singing along with you and Harry. "La da da da da! You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"

The drums and guitar end the song on five quick beats and the crowd erupts once again in screams. You immediately jump towards Harry, throwing your arms around his neck in a close embrace. His hands wrap around your waist to hold you close, and you can feel him smile where his face is pressed close to your jaw.

"How was that?" he asks, chuckling against you.

"It was perfect, you're perfect. Thank you, H. For everything."

"Can take you on a proper date now, yeah? Wanna show my girl off to the world."

"Yes, please!" You can't wipe the smile from your face as he sets you down and Harry continues to beam at you as the crowd continues screaming, reeling from your shared performance. 

Harry nudges you gently before turning back to them, lifting his and your arms high in the air and leading you in bending for a bow. He steps away from you and turns, opening his arms wide to you for the crowd to praise and you laugh, tearing up at his gesture and the overwhelming emotions of the performance while you take another bow just for yourself. 

He pulls you into another hug and you can't help but angle your face up towards him, wordlessly asking for another very quick, very public kiss.

He glances down at you, smiling. "You're gonna love this now, aren't you?"

"Course I am. love showing them you're mine."

He leans down to peck your forehead, your nose, and finally, your lips, as the crowd goes wild. "Love showing them you're mine. You've got a show to finish, love. Go kill it."

///

Ahh! So much fun! This has been such a joy to write and I appreciate you taking the time to give it a chance! It’s my first (of hopefully many) Harry fics - reading all of the stories here has been immensely inspiring, and I’m so looking forward to writing more!

Tagging my love @morganlatte​ who is a wonderful hype woman and beta reader. Thanks buddy!

Anyways! Thank you for reading! My love language is words of affirmation (aka I have a praise kink) so leave me a comment here if you feel so inclined!

[fenoderee]

Shinya [Drums] Interview

Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?

Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.

-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?

Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.

-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?

Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.

-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?

Shinya: That's right.

-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?

Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.

-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?

Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.

-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?

Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.

-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?

Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).

-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?

Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.

-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?

Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).

-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?

Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.

-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?

Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.

-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?

Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.

-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?

Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.

-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?

Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.

-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).

Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).

-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?

Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.

-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.

That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.

-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.

Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..

-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?

Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.

-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?

Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."

-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?

Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.

-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.

Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.

-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?

Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).

-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?

Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.

-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?

Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.

-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?

Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.

-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?

Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.

-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?

Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.

We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.

-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?

Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…

-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?

Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).

-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).

Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.

-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?

Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.

-Do you mean simply the volume?

Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.

-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.

Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.

-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?

Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.

-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?

Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.

-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.

Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.

-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?

Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.

-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?

Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.

-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?

Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.

-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.

Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.

-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?

Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.

-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .

Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).

-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?

Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

[ihearthes]

A Big Hit 

(Inspired by Harry’s Grammy Nominations)

Author: @ihearthes Pairing: Harry x Reader Insert (1st person) Rating: Fluff Word Count: 1364

24 November 2020

The rhythmic pounding of the small punching bag in the guest room woke me. Blinking, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with the back of my hand. What the fuck was he thinking?

“Jesus, Styles, it’s like the middle of the night,” I groaned, standing in the doorway as I leaned against the doorjamb and watched his lithe body work around the bag. “Barefoot even? What’s gotten into you?”

He blew his breath out steadily in between punches, grunting to me. “Love, it’s nearly 8:45. Not even close to the middle of the night.”

“Fine.” Crossing my arms, I continued to observe his footwork, listening to the forced air evacuating his lungs. “What’s on your mind?”

“Grammy noms today.”

Oh. Duh. I wanted to smack my forehead, but refrained. Fuck. How had this date snuck up on me? “What time are you due on set?”

He shook his head. “Not until noon. The anxiety is eating at me, though. I mean…” Dropping his stance and elbows, he starkly gazed at me. “If I’m not on the list, I’ll move on without blinking. But the lead-up to the event is…” He swallowed, and I watched his throat shift. 

“Sounds like you need a sparring partner. Let me grab my gear.”

“Love?” He called as I moved towards my room. 

“Yeah?”

“I won’t be gentle today.”

“No problem. I don’t like it when you pull your punches anyway.”

Quickly, I divested myself of my nightshirt (one of Harry’s Fine Line Live at the Forum shirts) and dragged on my workout gear, sans shoes. If he was doing this barefoot, I wasn’t going to risk stomping on his toes in my shoes. 

The bass and drums of LL Cool J’s Mama Said Knock You Out fill the room, and I wince, worried my neighbors might not appreciate the vibrating walls. Whatever though. If they were still asleep at this time of the morning, that was their fault. 

“Ready,” I announced, standing in front of him as I wrapped my hands before slipping into my boxing pads. “What drill first?”

“Jab, lead uppercut, lead hook.”

Nodding, I silently agree that this is the kind of workout he needs. “You loose enough for this one?”

“Yep. Just get ready.” He took his boxing stance, holding his arms out in preparation. 

“Loose, H. This isn’t supposed to be a powerhouse move. We’re working on fluidity, remember.” 

“Got it. Let’s go.” He practiced the sequence three or four times, shuffling his feet as he threw the light punches. 

“Double up!” Quickly, Harry repeated the series twice in a row without stopping. “Less body! More arm!” His form was slipping, and I knew his attention was drawn elsewhere. As he paused, shaking out his shoulder, I asked, “What time, darling?”

“Starts at 9, but my categories aren’t right away.”

Shit. Nine o’clock had ticked past five minutes ago. “Mind if I turn it on just to listen?” 

His nonchalant shrug wouldn’t have fooled anyone. “Whatever you want.”

Walking to the television I use to play workout tapes, I searched for the correct channel, switching off the stereo first. Landing on the network, I turned back to him, my hands up, the pads ready. The voice in the background droned on. 

“Okay. Let’s go three times in a row, shall we? Relaxed. Loose. Work your arm and not your body. Check your angles.”

The sweat began to pour from both of us as we focused on the workout at hand, pretending to ignore the noise from the television. Stopping for a moment, Harry grabbed his water bottle, squirting the liquid into his mouth. 

“Ready for the other side? Straight, uppercut, hook.” 

Immediately, Harry started throwing the reverse punches, pushing air out of his lungs as the nominees for Best Folk Album were being announced by Lauren Daigle. Her melodic voice carried through the space, punctuated only by the puffs of breath drawn from Harry, his arms chasing the oxygen around the room. 

Sharon Osbourne was up next, announcing names I couldn’t recall from comedy and visual media. Harry’s punches slowed as she began to reveal the nominees for Best Music Video. The smile that spread over his face when he heard the words “Adore You” started at the left corner of his mouth, overtaking his whole face as the dimple deepened until he was grinning like a jack-o-lantern carved by the most excited kid on the block. The punches renewed their efforts as he doubled up, nearly causing me to lose pace and drop the pads to my side.

On top of the console, Harry’s phone began buzzing repeatedly. 

“Harry!” I yelled, sure he would want a break to celebrate. 

“Don’t drop your hands, love!” His continued punches kept me on my toes. “I’ve got more categories coming, and I am about to burst from nerves.” 

Classical fields were divulged next, and I urged him on, “Let’s go between the two, H. Left combo and then right combo.” 

Dancing around each other, we continued practicing the boxing moves, our feet shuffling and scraping on the mats on the floor. R&B categories followed classical, and I was starting to sweat more from the nerves than the workout -- although the workout was a close second with Harry’s controlled punches soaring through the air as I attempted to catch them all with the mitts in a gentle way that would encourage him to keep moving. 

Megan Thee Stallion started with Best Solo Performance, and Harry’s punches fell harder through the first three nominees. When his name fell from her lips, Harry slipped and skipped a hook. 

“Want to stop now?” I asked. 

But he shook his head. “Keep going, love.” Picking up the punches, he pounded my mitts, my hands going numb. 

“Next up we have best pop vocal album. And the nominees are…” 

Harry dropped his hands, planting them on his waist, sucking in air as he bent over. 

“...Changes by Justin Bieber…” 

Harry’s head moved from side to side, his reaction directed to the floor, though I could guess at his thoughts. 

“...Chromatica by Lady Gaga…” 

Lifting his gaze to mine, he smiled a tight smile, and I could see the excitement tinged with nerves. 

“...Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa…”

His hand pumped into the air at his friend’s name.

“...Fine Line by Harry Styles…”

Dropping his hands to his sides, he stood up straight, his mouth gaping at me. “Did she just…? Did I hear her say…? Tears rose to his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands. “Shit. She did, didn’t she? Three nominations, baby.”

Megan’s voice droned on, but we were on an island of glee. His shoulders shook. I felt tears forming behind my eyes too. The biggest categories were yet to come, and we listened to no avail. But the thrill of the three nominations couldn’t be dampened by the lack of general field nominations. 

Stripping the pads off my hands, I made a running start and jumped into Harry’s arms, his glove-covered hands cradling my weight as I pressed my lips to his again and again. 

“Grammy-nominated musician Harry Styles,” I whispered to him between kisses, repeating the phrase multiple times. “Three-time Grammy-nominated musician Harry E. Styles. I’m so proud of you, darling.” Peppering his face with kisses, I wasn’t at all surprised as he spun us around so that my back slammed against the wall and he ground into me. 

“How do you think it will feel making love to a Grammy-nominated musician?” Harry demanded as he swirled his hips into my core. 

“Pretty fucking amazing like always,” I replied. 

The frenetic buzzing of his phone led to it being knocked to the floor, and we both laughed. 

“You better answer that. Your adoring public awaits. Put your mum on speaker. And Jeffrey too! I want to hear all of the celebration!” Dropping to the floor, I headed to the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

I planted one hand on my hip, cocking it in his direction, “If you think I’m celebrating my GRAMMY-NOMINATED boyfriend without champagne, you should think again!” 

As I sauntered off, I heard his laugh following me. 

Thanks to @melissas173 for the title. 

[theangiediary]

Tagged by @the-gray-ghosty thank you!!

Name: nickname Angie

Sign: Aquarius, Scorpio raising

Height: 5'10'' (~177cm)

Birthday: Feb 17

Time: it may be midnight what of it?

Favorite band/artists: Oooh man, wide range. Right now: Saint Motel, Ashnikko, Midland, Nicole Dollanganger, carolesdaughter

Last movie: Girl, Interrupted (1999)

Last show: .......Criminal Minds (for a fandom event lol) & Grey's (for fun. Or well, for JDM)

What I post: Supernatural. Lots of Dean, a bit of Sam/bibro/wincest/John, a touch of Jensen Ackles (god I wish).

Last thing I googled: "malt powder" I looove it and picked some up last time I was at Target; wanted to know what it's made from.

Other blogs: lol I have one that I use (ironically) as more of a diary/save non-spn stuff. I think it has like, 1 follower.

Do I get asks: Not really :( But I'm always happy when I do! To be fair, I also don't send many out. Gotta be better about that.

Following: ~200 (same for # of followers. Ratio 1 babyyyy).

Average hours of sleep: Consecutive? 6-7. Daily total 7-9 (naps).

Instruments: Alas, I have no ear for tone. But I played drums very briefly as a kid and I've been thinking of trying that again. Live in a city though, with roommates.

What I’m wearing: ........WELL! I am wearing underwear.

Dream job: There's not a specific title for it, but I would love to work in the ethical data science field: interpreting algorithms for courts/government, setting data polices for private companies, etc. I'm currently a theoretical statistician (so same background), but on slightly less interesting projects.

Dream trip: Oh, not sure! Lots of places sound interesting, but well. Pandemic. World conflicts. Also I have terrible memory, so I always feel weird spending a bunch of money on solo trips that then I.. don't remember well and don't have someone to like, reminisce with? If that makes sense.

Nationality: US AMERICAN !! (midwest -> east coast)

Favorite songs: Does Your Mother Know (Christine Baranski cover), Promiseland (MIKA), Praying (Kesha)

Last book I read: Black Water Lilies by Michel Bussi

3 fictional universes I’d live in: My little daydream self insert is in the X-Men universe. I know, I know. Other ones: maybe something by Wes Anderson? Or, I'd die like immediately, but the ship in The Sea Wolf by Jack London.

That was fun! Thank you again for tagging me :)