#ineffable wolfstar crossover

[lynxindisguise]

WAIT I just had the most chaotic idea.

Wolfstarbucks divorce AU: Sirius and Remus are constantly getting divorced/remarried/divorced again, but they always stay married to James. He just never knows from day to day whether his husbands are still married to each other or not.

But THEN one day, they get divorced and stay divorced. And then suddenly they're dating Aziraphale and Crowley!

How does James deal with his husbands' new partners when they start bringing them around?

DISASTER! James sobbed the first time they got divorced, but by now he's accepted it as a fact of life. And they always get back together, so it's fine.

But new partners?? No. James does not like!! He's so torn because he wants to be supportive, but how can he support this??

First of all Sirius is clearly fucking miserable with Aziraphale. James doesn't mind the guy out of context, but he's making his beloved Sirius unhappy which is a Crime of the Highest Order. But apparently the sex is great, so James reluctantly agrees to a threesome with them, which is the most upsetting experience of his life. So much hostility! And not the sexy fake hostility that Remus and Sirius have. This is just stressful! He misses cuddling with his two beautiful husbands. 0/10.

Remus, on the other hand, seems to be decently happy with Crowley, but definitely not as happy as he was with Sirius. And how could he be??? Crowley isn't remotely as cool or brilliant or hot as Sirius! AND instead of the world's most loveable dog he's a fucking snake. Like a bloody Slytherin! Bad vibes. -2/10.

[impishtubist]

the good omens season 3 writers realise they have no actual plan and desperately turn to tumblr where they discover the very brilliant and definitely not unhinged or confusing ineffable wolfstar crossover… who are they casting as remus and sirius??

well I am sorry to say that you have asked this of the one person who can't really visualize characters 😂

Since the rules are made up and the points don't matter, I'm going to maintain my stance as a Gary-Oldman-as-Sirius truther. His casting was perfect and the only note I have is that he was too short for Sirius. But since everything is made up, we can fix that! So the GO writers are going to cast 6' 2" 2005 Gary Oldman as Sirius.

For Remus, obviously, we are going with early 1990s David Thewlis, the most pathetic damp noodle to ever walk this planet. He's too tall, though, so the GO writers are gonna knock a few inches off him and make him 5' 6". He can be 5' 8" if he straightens his spine.

[pid-widgin]

Snippet Sunday

Still fleshing this out, but here's a taste of what's to come in my Ineffible Wolfstar crossover fix, and the introduction of possibly my favorite new character ever ❤️

He wouldn't admit it, but Remus's absence sat like a, well, Remus sized hole in his life. He often found himself laughing at something that had happened on the TV and turning to tell him, only to remember that he wasn't here.

He would bustle in and want to recant a story about something Moody and Fabian Prewett had bickered over at work, and realize the only person to share his story with was the literal pot plant that took up residence in their closet.   It had reached the point where, after two weeks, he had called James and Harry to accompany him to the local Muggle animal shelter to adopt a pet to keep him company.   Regulus had not been amused when Sirius pulled up to drop his honorary brother and his nephew with a Corgi wearing sunglasses in the front seat that was named Sir Charles Bowie Stanton of Soho.    Sirius had not been amused when Bowie lost his mind the first time he transformed into Padfoot and peed on his favorite rug.

Read chapter one here❤️

[myarmsaretoolong]

20 questions (for fanfic writers)

cheers for the tag @sarah-sandwich <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

57.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

412,260

3. what fandoms do you write for?

mcu but mostly just irondad, though i stopped writing that for a bit when a small (large) marauders obsession hit so now i write both depending on the fic im working on. also taken a side step into parkner recently

4. top five fics by kudos:

A Different Future - peter snaps one-shot

Futures are Made to be Broken - more in depth follow up to peter snaps one shot

The Best Day of Harley's Life (and the worst of Peter's) - classic field trip fic only harley is like the tourguide and makes it his mission to ruin peter's day. not actually parkner but for sure the beginning of my growing love for harley

Not my First Time - part of webpril challenge one-shot, tony and peter are stuck under a building, conversation ensue

Where Do You Think You're Going - urrrmmmm good question. its a whumptober one-shot so peter must get beat up. pretty sure its by quentin beck and his drones, lets assume tony finds him and saves the day (its less than 2000 words i could read it and find out but im lazy)

5. do you respond to comments?

i do my best!

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

ermmm *checks notes* Is This It? springs to mind first. you know the deleted scene of tony snapping and seeing morgan? well in this one he sees peter, only peter is a good few years older and has sorted his life out a bit. its sad obvi, but also kind of happy? the end lines are sad sad though :( so either that or 01/11/81 (if you're a marauders fan you already know that date) which basically very closely follows remus throughout the entire day after james and lily are killed etc. its very angsty all the way through, mary is a sweetheart, and at the end he's left all alone...

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most tbh. im going to say Past, Present, Yet to Come because that's my baby. (peter is the ghost of christmas present, tony is scrooge, only its like the ryan reynolds film spirited, very good)

8. do you get hate on fics?

nope! (and please dont :) )

9. do you write smut?

nah

10. craziest crossover:

well ive only ever written one and it was mcu/glee and there's a reason i never finished it (nor am linking it [insert skull emoji])

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that ive noticed

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! im a solitary kinda guy

14. all time favourite ship?

what a question... wolfstar is a classic, ineffable husbands are precious to me, doctor/rose is nostalgic... i can't pick favourites

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

besides all of them? all of them.

no but really there are so many and i have this problem of thinking of idea -> getting excited -> writing beginning -> not knowing where to take it -> get excited by new idea -> repeat. im working on it though and do genuinely plan to finish them all

16. what are your writing strengths?

yknow i honestly think my general writing is at a pretty good level. defo room for improvement but there always it, int there? id say that's a general strength, but specifically i think im goooood at making things angsty. and i love doing it so win win

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

well... finishing anything. plotting out full stories is a big problem. (though ive recently started a notebook for random ideas for fics and its helping) um... tbh i can struggle with everything from time to time. i think getting characters voices right can be hard cos i often find people saying things they would never say and having to go back and and put them straight. er,,, action can be next to impossible if The Vision isn't there.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i dont have many. if its a language i cant read i just skim past and sometimes read an end note translation but if there's too much im just going to go with the flow

19. first fandom you wrote in?

mcu

20. favourite fic you've written?

again, Past, Present, Yet to Come is my babygirl. love him to pieces. can i say fics ive not finished yet? because parkner hunger games au and marauders doccy who are fire and one day will see the light of day (and get names)

tagging @winter-turtle @helloliriels erm ive forgotten everyone who has ever existed... @ anyone who i followed in the boopening who writes and @ anyone who just wants to (no pressure at all obvi)

[fishsupportgroup-blog]

Good Omens Fandom Welcome Pack (4/3/17)

Yo my dudes!!!! So I got a message from @dirktective-assassina who just found out that there’s a good omens fandom so I figured I’d try and pull together some resources as an up to date fandom welcome pack :D It’s pretty long and comprehensive so I’ve put it under the cut.

So first things first: the ship name of Aziraphale/Crowley isn’t Crowaphale or anything like that but is Ineffable Husbands. We also sometimes use Air Conditioning (like A/C if you see?) although this is less used now than it was, largely because of the way tumblr tagging works versus livejournal and it’s a bit of a hassle to traipse through posts of people’s air conditioning not working, but there are still posts on that tag and it's a good way to find older fan-works. Other wise we generally just tag as Good Omens.

As with a lot of fandoms with a slightly longer history, livejournal used to be the main site for the good omens community and we transferred across bc, let’s face it tumblr is a hell site but it’s also a hell of a lot more accessible than livejournal. However, there are still a lot of things going on with livejournal!!! my main resource there is the Lower Tadfield Air Base: Fighting off Armageddon since 2003! The Good Omens Holiday Exchange is also organised on livejournal, I’ve linked to this year’s entries :)

Which brings me onto fic!! (Some of these fic will be explicit but they all have warnings at the beginning). Two fics always recommended in older fic rec lists are The Sacred And The Profane, and A Diamond Sky Above Titanic (although, personally, they’re not really my favourites). Also, The Lower Tadfield Air Base has a good fic tag :) Finally there’s this post which also adds some extra links and info on joining the good omens fandom, it also has a gen fic section if that’s more your cup of tea.

My main source of fics however, comes from our Lord and Saviour, Archive Of Our Own. Just take note when you’re using the search tool you fully type in Aziraphale/Crowley rather than letting it autocorrect you to Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) then you’ll only get 217 works in comparison to the 1178 fics available and all the fic of Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) is filed under Aziraphale/Crowley anyway. If that makes any sense?

Personally, I’ve been horribly remis in tagging my own favourites because I’m fairly useless. However, I know I love Fridays by ylc. If you like human! aus then I also really love Ordinary People by daeger which has a wee Jewish painter Crowley :D

Ruby Tears by @not-a-space-alien is also a really good fic in highlighting the fandom’s perspective on Crowley: essentially in that he’s a HUGE FUCKING NERD who tries so hard to look cool and suave and is actually just very vulnerable and sweet and loving. Aziraphale, on the other hand, is very much an oblivious banana that’s too self-obsessed to really recognise this and has an incorrect view that Crowley is The Adversary and should be thought of as such. There has been A LOT of AMAZING meta on this, I would really recommend @futureevilscientist‘s essay on The Arrangement as p. much essential reading. They also have a tag for meta which I also really recommend.

My final fic to recommend is HAS to be the Crown of Thorns series by @irisbleufic (often shortened to cot). For me, this is The Fic, you know, and I feel like it really defines the Good Omens fandom in many ways. It’s based on the fanon that after the events of the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley moved into a cottage on the South Downs together. All the details of the fic are in the introduction :D Other Iris fics to recommend are Regulars and What to Say (and How Not to Say It) if like me you’re trash for 3rd person pov. Finally as someone from York I’m honour bound to mention Promises to Keep.

We also have some Amazing artists in the fandom, people like @kogla and the like are just so great to have posting content for us!! basically just turn to the good omens tag and follow some of the suggested blogs (see below) we’re always posting everything :D One of my faves is this one by @6utton (who also gives me my raffles fix). @lunasong365 has also sent me this beautiful video and their playlist of other videos :‘) You also have the good omens tag on the hell site of deviantart

Also in terms of art, @askajcrowley is utterly brill, they don’t post much anymore but when they do I cry because they’re great.  If you want a really interesting view of how fandom has changed over time, go back through their posts as far as you can, it’s seriously worth it. In terms of fandom changing, the Good Omens fandom has generally imploded; it did used to be a very big active fandom, with a lot of ask blogs and a much greater focus on the other characters besides Aziraphale and Crowley. The current day fandom does feel bad about not talking about the other great multifaceted characters but we don't tend to do much to rectify it, as not-a-space-alien highlights in this post.

The older fandom also used to have A LOT of discourse surrounding fancasts. Oh God. Suffice to say if I ever see another post casting Bajkfbgjgiug Cskjfbgkjfba/Tom Hiddleston in all the roles I will actually throw up. This trend lead to our Worst Meme, Cage Omens: in which all the characters are played by Nicholas Cage. This meme likes to make a reassurance every now and again, so FOR GODS SAKE DONT SUMMON IT. (We all secretly love it).

Speaking of fancasts, we should probably mention adaptations. When the news of the latest adaptation came forward, a lot of us were very apprehensive because We Have Been Here Before. Lots. Like 5 Times. (I think in like ‘02 there was going to be one with Robin Williams but It was just after 9/11 and everyone ran as fast as they could from apocalypse based media). However, this one does look like it’s going ahead and will be airing next year maybe :) We do also have the beloved radio adaptation, which we will all suggest had it’s flaws but was also p damn brill. (The BBC sometimes replay it around Easter?)

However the discourse over fancasts did actually raise some pertinent points to do with race, with a lot of people feeling really uncomfortable with how white the suggestions were for characters that have no explicitly stated race. This is especially the case in regards to Aziraphale where there might be inbuilt preconceived conceptions of a white angel. This post and @a-poc-alypse‘s commentary on the subject I think is really important. I think the fandom now makes a concerted effort to try and produce more diverse art and the like, and I think we are better than we were, but it is something we have to actively work towards rectifying.

Other discourse of far, far less importance is in regards to their wings. Essentially, a lot of older fanart has Crowley with bat like wings which a lot of the fandom disagrees with, and there’s a lot of discourse about the colour of their wings too. Traditionally, Aziraphale is depicted with white wings and Crowley with black, but as is oft pointed out within the fandom, the colour of their wings is not stated and, given the significance of heaven and hell just being names for sides with no tangible distinction, and that demons are of angel stock, this separation has been questioned. Basically, the consensus now is play around with it!!!!! My head canon is that Az has owls wings and Crowley has duck wings :D

As for Hogwarts Houses, no one actually knows tbh either of them could fit into any house I think? We've had a lot of discussions and I think the ultimate conclusion we’ve come to is just go with what you want. At the moment I think I like Gryffindor Crowley and Ravenclaw Aziraphale. Some good Harry Potter AUs are Potter Omens by sadaf, St. Joseph of Cupertino, Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles, and the Legacy of James Bond by Interrobam, A Look into a Magic Mirror by athousandelegies, and Saturday by Elvendork.

This leads to another point which is the links Good Omens have with other fandoms. There are Obviously the links with Supernatural given that their Crowley was literally named after ours, but there are also a weird amount of Wolfstar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) crossover fics and a lot of them involve them all sleeping with each other?? Anyway. I’ve also noticed that p. much all the Raffles fandom tend to be Good Omens fans too.

Finally you have the Shakespeare/Marlowe fandom so there are a lot of jokes in fandom at the moments about Crowley/Shakespeare (ship name: Snakespeare). I’m laying the blame firmly on @macdicilla and this post.

Music!! I LOVE @ajcrawly‘s The Ritz Does Not Admit Nightingales but 8tracks is useless for UK pals atm. Every playlist of Good Omen will have Queen and A Nightingale Sung in Barkley Square, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.

And then there are the blogs!!:

@audiomens (with transcripts of the radio 4 adaptation)

@incorrect-good-omens-quotes

@thisbutgoodomens (taking posts and making them Good Omens, tag them if you think there’s a post they would appreciate!!)

@goodomensheadcanons

There are the blogs I’ve mentioned above, like @not-a-space-alien and @macdicilla (you can’t have one without the other), and @futureevilscientist, @irisbleufic, @kogla, @lunasong365, @askajcrowley, @a-poc-alypse, @ajcrawly

Also worth following are, @milkythefrozen, @pridoo, @maniacalmole, @ladylier, @thisisadecisionimayregret, @la-petite-robe-jaune, @sous-le-saule, @rocksalive, @nemeankitten, @everything-good-omens, @fyeahgo and tbh there are heaps more, I’m sorry if I’ve missed you off, I have a memory worse than like 99% of the population (according to my educational psychologist). If you want to be added just put a reply or message me or smth :D

Finally, I’d like to thank @not-a-space-alien for their welcome kit, @futureevilscientist for theirs, @ladylier for giving me ideas to talk about, @lunasong365 for showing me their playlist, and @a-poc-alypse for pointing me in the direction of their tags.

Okay. I think that’s it?? If you have anything further to add just post it below or message me or put it on the tags or replies whatever basically. If you disagree, or I’ve got something wrong, or you want to be added/taken away as a source then don’t hesitate to tell me!! (but please don’t send me hate, I’m trying my best and I’ll work hard to compensate)

:D

[lynxindisguise]

It's been a little over six months now since you slithered into my inbox and proposed the Ineffables and Wolfstar breaking up and switching partners. How's that going for them? Six months down the line, which couple is having the worst time and why is it Azirius?

ahhh sorry imp I forgot to respond to this!

I'd say there's no way this would be sustainable for six months, but we are talking about four of the most stubborn people alive so...

I think crowley and remus have reached a point of quiet acceptance, in which they both know this is really more of a friendship than anything else, and they spend most of their time getting stoned and waxing poetic about their exes and occasionally having extremely damp noodly sex. they're both very mopey and insufferable to be around, so they're really the only people who can currently stand one another.

azirius are having the WORST time. my god. they are constantly filled with rage, and at this point, they're too disgusted with each other to even hatefuck so all that anger is being channelled into ruining each other's lives and vandalising each other's shit. truly a lovers to enemies arc for these two. occasionally one of them will break down and cry about their ex, and the other one will say something along the lines of, 'it sounds like they're better off without you.' they are also insufferable to be around, both to everyone around them and each other <3

[lynxindisguise]

okay but lynx. Crowley trying to help Remus during a full moon is so fucking cute???? I mean you're right, it's a DISASTER, Moony is so terrified of snakes, but Crowley's heart is in the right place!!!! I have a hypothesis that when all is said and done, Crowley and Remus would actually have the capacity to remain friends, but I think Aziraphale and Sirius would HATE each other lmao. Thoughts?

No it’s sooo cute!! Like he really genuinely wants to help Remus and care for Remus—he’s just not the right match in a romantic or a shapeshifter sense. And I do think they bond over their heartbreak and also the fact that they’ve both been cast in the role of scary monster when they’re really very soft inside. I think they absolutely stay friends, much to the annoyance of Sirius and Aziraphale because…

YEAH. They fucking hate each other. Sirius is ready to burn his stupid bookshop down. Aziraphale is ready to miracle that blasted motorbike out of existence!

[lynxindisguise]

Tell me about Crowley meeting the werepuppies.

oh I never saw this!!

(gosh we’re really combining worlds now)

crowley would LOVE the werepuppies! lyra and vulcan are kindred spirits of course (ignoring the fact that they take after sirius), and quincy reminds him so much of both aziraphale and remus, and oh nooo he has such a soft spot for little waffles 🥹

he would love cuddling with terrifying them as a snake and absolutely take on the role of the cool uncle who spoils them and lets them get away with anything

[lynxindisguise]

CHAOS TIME Sirius accidentally knocks up Remus RIGHT before they break up and Remus doesn't realize it until he's been dating Crowley for a bit. Sirius and Aziraphale run into them at some point when Remus is much further along and Sirius is FURIOUS he let his new boyfriend knock him up immediately while Aziraphale is FURIOUS Crowley would have a baby with a HUMAN and someone who is NOT HIM anyway Teddy has the most confusing toddlerhood haha.

oh my god that would be such a disaster!! does remus know it's sirius's, or does he think he's birthing a new antichrist?? he's preparing for the baby to come out all snakey, and out pops baby teddy with black hair and grey eyes. remus is sobbing and clutching his beautiful baby boy. crowley is a weird mix of disappointed and relieved. sirius is shocked and trying to be furious but LOOK AT HIS SON. HIS AND REMUS'S SON 😭 aziraphale makes a comment about them not having to deal with the paperwork, but thank god crowley did not have a child with this pathetic human.

but crowley and remus were the ones who prepared for a baby (badly. so so badly. remus tried but he was very sick the whole time, and crowley has absolutely no idea how babies work). and they're still technically together, so it becomes this disastrous joint-custody situation until remus and sirius finally get back together, but now crowley has become so very fond of teddy, so he gets to be his godfather (he finds this title hilarious) / cool uncle who visits all the time, and aziraphale is so very exhausted by all of it.

[lynxindisguise]

Wait now I'm laughing at Teddy growing up thinking it's perfectly normal for people to turn into animals. He's got one dad that turns into a wolf, one that turns into a dog, and an almost-dad who turns into a snake. He asks what animal he's going to be and his dads have to explain to him that it's really rare actually and Teddy bursts into tears 😭 oh no now I made myself sad

poor teddy, he’s so loved, and yet so very confused about so many things 😭 remus is like “trust me, teddybear, you don’t want to be a wolf, but you can become an animagus like sirius when you’re older!!” and sirius is very ironically like “are you insane?? that’s soooo dangerous!!!!” anyway teddy takes on the habbit of metamorphing himself animal ears and snake eyes like his Other Dad when he feels left out, and the moment he turns eighteen, he starts animagus training.

[lynxindisguise]

A challenge for you: tell me about ONE good, not-sad, not-damp date that either Crowmus or Azirius have (or both!)

you want me to make them happy?? and... DRY?? oof. okay.

I'll start with Crowmus because that's easier. Remus introduces Crowley to thrifting, which is not something either of their exes were into (Aziraphale is too posh, Sirius is also too posh finds it boring.) Crowley indulges Remus's questionable taste, while also encouraging him to branch out of his comfort zone, and Remus helps Crowley pick out some fun genderfucky outfits, and they buy a really ugly lamp and name it Steve. They go back to Remus's and make deliciously fudgey weed brownies and listen to some grungy indie loser music and fall asleep snuggled up on the sofa.

Azirius... ummm... right okay I think Sirius mentions his family in passing and Aziraphale's sense of justice is activated, and he miracles Grimmauld Place into a bouncy castle, and they bounce around for a bit before they're reminded of why they can't stand each other and have a cheeky bouncy castle hatefuck.

[lynxindisguise]

#remus gets called to st. mungo’s for the Oyster Incident bc he’s still listed as sirius’s emergency contact #everyone has a certifiably miserable night - okay you KNOW I need to know more about this terrible night.

I know you do. We all do.

So Aziraphale is having a horrible night because as much as he planned this night in the name of pettiness, he didn't mean to endanger Sirius's life! And now instead of having a sexy hedonistic hatefuck, he's sitting in a strange wizard hospital hoping this infuriating human doesn't die on him. And who runs in all frantic and scruffy and drenched in rain?? Remus Fucking Lupin. Surely this cannot be the man Crowley took to Alpha Centauri!

Now Remus was in the middle of horrifically damp sex with Crowley when he got the call that Sirius was in St. Mungo's, and of course, he dropped everything to go to him, didn't even bother putting on a coat or water-resistant shoes! He's in such a panic that he doesn't actually notice Aziraphale, just barges straight into Sirius's room...

Where Sirius is obviously not having a good time, but he's no longer in anaphylactic shock. Unfortunately, his entire face swelled up like a balloon, and now he's squinting at his ex-husband demanding to know what he's doing here. Picture "you came" "you called," but angry and itchy and damp.

Enter Aziraphale. Remus takes one look at him—this posh prick who's dating Sirius and broke Crowley's heart, and punches him in the face. He fractures his knuckles and gets admitted to a hospital room of his own.

He sends a message to Crowley explaining what happened, which is how Crowley learns that Aziraphale took Sirius out for oysters and cries himself to sleep.

[lynxindisguise]

Love the damp Crowmus moon kisses.

Are you taking orders for Azirius hatefuck bastardry? They might hate each other, but is the sex any good?

thank you so much!! poor sweet damp babies those two.

Azirius, on the other hand (AZIRIUS!!), no yeah the sex is amazing. They hate every minute of it though. It's something like...

"You ripped my waistcoat!" Aziraphale cries. "You're welcome," Sirius mutters, leaving a trail of bite marks down his neck. "It was fucking ugly." Aziraphale yanks him back by his hair. "You're... You have no taste!" They take a moment to glare at each other before their lips collide with an angry smack. "Turn around you posh fuck," Sirius spits. "You turn around!" The struggle that follows sends them tumbling onto the bed, and Aziraphale traps Sirius beneath him.

... something something, Sirius gets railed by Aziraphale's holy rod, and they scream out Remus and Crowley's names at the moment of climax

[lynxindisguise]

In an AU of our AU, where Wolfstar has teenage Harry, how does he deal with the divorce and his dads' new partners?? What does the Wolfstar custody agreement look like? Does Sirius gets jealous when Crowley takes Harry out in the Bentley and Harry raves about it? Does Harry take one look at Aziraphale and go "you replaced Moony with THIS dude??"

OOOOOOOOH. I think during the summer they each have Harry for two weeks at a time, so Sirius has Harry the week before and the week after the full moon.

Which means: ample time for Harry to interact with both new boyfriends.

Harry is determined to not like Crowley in solidarity with Sirius, but he's SO cool! Riding in the Bentley is the most fun he's ever had!! (Harry isn't allowed on Sirius's motorbike until he's older). AND he's a snake, so Harry can chat to him while he's in snake form. He still doesn't like it when Crowley puts his arm around Remus, but all in all, a fun time. Harry tells Sirius all about it, and Sirius is clenching his fists under the table like "wow, that's great kid, I'm so glad you had fun!"

Then he meets Aziraphale, and... yeah. Cannot believe Sirius would choose this man over Remus. He talks to Harry like he's a child (he is FOURTEEN) and he has all this weird tension with Sirius (confusing and gross) and instead of having fun creatures and spells to show him like Remus always does, he performs the world's worst non-magic magic show??? Harry complains about him to Remus, and Remus is suppressing the smuggest little grin like, "I'm sure he's very nice once you get to know him."

[lynxindisguise]

HELLO tell me about what a post-divorce date night looks like for Remus/Crowley and/or Aziraphale/Sirius.

HELLO oh boy okay!!

So you’re 100% right about Crowley trying to wine and dine Remus. He takes him out for the most decadent meal, and Remus is heinously underdressed because every nice thing he owns was purchased by Sirius. And he’s just… so unimpressed. “Aren’t you a demon? Shouldn’t you be trying to corrupt me ;)?” Crowley is like… “is that not what I’m doing???” So then he produces a few ideas that would 100% kill a mortal, and Remus is like “*sigh* can we just go back to mine and get high?” He introduces Crowley to the devil’s lettuce, and they fall asleep holding each other and crying about their broken hearts.

Also Crowley tries to help Remus during the full moon as a snake, and it turns out Moony is terrified of snakes so it’s a very stressful night for everyone.

As for Aziraphale and Sirius, I mean, these two can’t even agree on a place. Everywhere Aziraphale wants to go is too posh. Everywhere Sirius wants to go makes Aziraphale squirm. So they just fuck, which is good fun, except for when they both scream the wrong names.

[lynxindisguise]

welcome to sad damp cat hours with lynx, please enjoy some sad damp crowmus/snakemoon, dedicated to @impishtubist

Crowley paces, testing out the edge of the bed—no, better not—and the arm of the chair—not as comfortable as it looked—and the floor—the floor?

"Anthony?"

He jolts up and fumbles with the folding of his arms as Remus assesses the new and frantically bandaged gashes on his chest.

"I'm sorry," Crowley mumbles. "You're... er... the wolf is terrified of snakes. He started cowering and scratching and... I didn't know how to stop it."

"Ah." Remus smiles through a wince. "Well, thank you for trying."

He nods. "Right... I'll just..." Gesturing vaguely, he spins himself towards the door.

"Could..." Remus coughs, "you could... stay?"

"Oh. Well I... I have to..." He feels very wobbly all of a sudden. Poor Remus looks awful, his skin taking on a greenish tinge he hadn't thought possible for humans. "Of course, ang—darling."

The name Crowley was going to say crumples up into a wad in his throat, while the one did say makes Remus's entire face crumple.

"No." He jabs a finger at him. "No, don't do that. Because if you start, then I... fuck."

With a tinge of violence, he throws off his jacket and kicks off his shoes before climbing in beside Remus and pulling the quivering man into his arms. Shattering at his touch, Remus curls into him and sobs into his neck.

Tensed from his own battle against tears, Crowley pats his back. "I... I'm sorry I'm not him," he whispers.

"'M sorry I'm not your Angel," Remus sniffles back.

A terribly pathetic whimper that most certainly could not have come from him is unleashed, and he clings to this scruffy, bony ascetic—as ill a fit for an Aziraphale-shaped hole as the shapeless cut of his clothes.

And yet... he finds himself comforted in his arms, feels himself shiver at the gentle kiss on his tattoo and melt at the warm hands sliding down his hips.