#ineffabl husbands oneshot

[generallynerdy]

#SaveCrowley (Monster Hunter!Ineffable Husbands & F!Reader)

Summary: Anthony J. Crowley did not want to be here, in an abandoned house in the middle of the night. And he certainly did not want to be the first to check out the crash in the hallway. It’s probably a rat, he told himself again. Just a rat. OH FUCK--

Requested by & Anon: I had an idea (just so you know, I also sent this to another blog , but I'm not sure when they'll post it/ I can't remember who it was) for a monster hunter! AU where reader is Crowley's sister and she and Az go monster hunting all the time! And, like, Crowley doesn't believe in the supernatural, but he's pretty sure his sister and best friend are gonna die without him, so he goes with them every time. So, like, Crowley is the skeptic, Reader is the instigator, and Az is like an excited puppy

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: it’s really short, idk if this is exactly like the request, i’m not good at writing good omens it’s been a while since i watched, cursing, is this a Human!AU? No one knows Word Count: 920

Note: high key might not write good omens after these requests,,,there’s a lot of stuff i don’t super vibe with writing wise at the moment lmao but i wanted to get this done. ALSO since crowley and aziraphale use he/him in this fic it’s titled & tagged Ineffable Husbands, but i’m 100% willing to use any pronouns for them in the future

    “Aziraphale! Hurry up, we’re gonna miss sundown!”

    The voice that called into the bookstore was that of a sweet young woman, a sweet young woman who had practically ruined her brother’s life.

    “Coming, dear girl,” Aziraphale replied.

    He sauntered vaguely down into the main area of his store, finding that his two best friends were already there, waiting for him. (Y/N) looked raring to go, as usual, but her brother was less than pleased.

    Anthony J. Crowley did not want to be here. He didn’t want to go into an abandoned building at midnight and he certainly didn’t want to spend his time searching for monsters that didn’t exist.

    “Come now, Crowley, you look miserable,” Aziraphale teased.

    “You know damn well that I am,” he huffed.

    (Y/N) snorted and elbowed her brother. “Come on, Ant. We always have so much fun in creepy houses at midnight.”

    “I hate you.”

    “You do not!”

    “Enough, enough,” Aziraphale chided. “(Y/N) and I are going regardless of your participation, my dear boy, so you may as well tag along.”

    Crowley sighed. “I’d rather die in a fire, angel.”

    (Y/N) grinned maniacally. “Come with us and maybe you will.”

    Her brother stuck his tongue out at her, while Aziraphale fondly rolled his eyes. It was the same thing every time they went hunting.

    Aziraphale and (Y/N) were firm believers in the supernatural. It had all started when (Y/N) found a video of monster hunters online. She joked that the three of them could make a career out of it. Crowley got a good laugh. Aziraphale took it seriously.

    So, here they were, three idiots who regularly hunted for monsters in mysterious places around the world.

*

    “Where do you find these places?” Crowley hissed as (Y/N) shoved the door open.

    He kept watch as she broke into a broken down house a few hours away from the bookstore. Aziraphale stood nearby, humming to himself and making Crowley uneasy.

    “Online mostly,” (Y/N) shrugged, entering the pitch black entrance hall. 

    (They’d gotten permission to enter from the building’s owners, but (Y/N) had requested the pleasure of getting to ‘break the seal,’ as she put it. It made for excellent footage.)

She lifted her phone as they trekked further into the house, as she was already...what did she call it? Live-streaming? Eh, Crowley didn’t know. He and Aziraphale were rubbish with technology, which drove (Y/N) up the wall, especially after they became somewhat internet famous for their monster-hunting.

“Supposedly a little girl was killed by her father in this house,” (Y/N) said into the phone, her voice hushed and menacing. “And now, it’s haunted by her ghost and army of ghouls, set out to get revenge on anyone who steps into her house.”

Aziraphale piped up from behind her. “(Y/N) says ghouls because ghosts are the lingering spirit of a person, but a ghoul tends to be lacking a soul, simply an empty vessel.”

“Thank you!” (Y/N) chirped. “Here we are!”

They entered a child’s bedroom and Crowley grimaced.

��Right. And you think we’ll make the ghoul mad by sitting in her bedroom, that’s brilliant,” he drawled.

“Ghost,” his friends corrected immediately.

“Ngk,” Crowley grumbled, waving them off.

Just as they were getting settled in for the night, a crash came from down the hall.

They all shared wide-eyed looks and, out of the corner of his eye, Crowley saw the comments on (Y/N)’s livestream multiply.

“Oh wonderful!” Aziraphale gasped. “Crowley, you go first, let us see what we’ve disturbed, hm?”

Crowley gave him a flat look. “A rat, probably.”

“Shut up and get a move on,” his sister hissed, already pushing the both of them toward the door.

“Why do I always have to go first?”

She scoffed. “Because the skeptics always get killed first.”

“I hate you,” he muttered just as they reached the corner of the hall outside the bedroom. 

Carefully, he ducked his head around, Aziraphale and (Y/N) mimicking his actions. There were three doors there, but all of them were shut. There was nothing and no one in the hallway, just as he’d expected. He rolled his eyes as (Y/N) sighed a little.

“It came from further down the hall!” Aziraphale whispered fiercely. “The furthest door!”

“Well, go on!” (Y/N) said, shoving him.

“Ridiculous, the both of you,” Crowley mumbled, walking despite himself. “I swear, one of these days I’ll--”

The door flew open, slamming against the wall and sending Crowley leaping out of his skin. He shrieked-- honestly shrieked-- and threw himself back against his sister and boyfriend.

“OH FUCK! SATAN BLESS IT!” he hissed.

Aziraphale and (Y/N) burst into laughter, a noise echoed by four little voices in the doorway.

“I hate every last one of you!”

“Oh, sorry, did I not mention the kids were joining us?” (Y/N) asked gleefully. “My mistake.”

He glared daggers at her. “You especially.”

“Please, dear boy, you adore us,” Aziraphale teased, knowing full well Crowley wasn’t yelling at him. “This way, Adam, Pepper, Wensleydale, Brian--”

He shuffled the children into the old bedroom, while (Y/N) laughed again as she captured Crowley’s dry, blank look. She couldn’t stop, seeing as he was staring into her phone’s camera like he was on the Office.

“Next time, I’ll just stab you,” he muttered.

She rolled her eyes. “In front of your angel? Unlikely. C’mon, we still have 8 hours before dawn!”

#SaveCrowley was trending the next day.

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

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