#indi asked me out Officially to be their partner and i got two As and somehow managed a B in german i'm fuckin THRIVING

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️It’s Time For DRAMA☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 1 “Meet Me In Tipiskaw”

"Ah shit, here we go again..."

So I did a poll awhile back asking if I should watch Disventure Camp, an indie animated show based off Total Drama. And you guys said it was a GREAT idea...

...SO NATURALLY I'M WATCHING IT.

I think it's also a good timing because the finale of Season 3 hasn't been released yet at the time of this post.

From my research of understanding, there's a 'beta' of Season 1 back when it was a Total Drama fanfiction. Then they made Season 2, and then went back and remade Season 1. And Season 3 goes off of the remake of Season 1's logic and canon. So I'm watching the remake of Season 1, so you're aware which version I am doing.

I'm also aware they have these episodes in Spanish as well. I'm an English speaker, so I'm watching the English version. That might enrage some people, but I want to make that clear.

What I am expecting going in; I'm expecting the setup for this show to be similar to Total Drama. With it being a Survivor parody. I'm also expecting the quality to not be as strong as TD, just because one is an indie production and another is not. I'm a producer and I know the setbacks that come with indie works. It's not gonna dock points from me.

I don't know anything about the cast. This is blind.

I felt bad when I didn't do reactions of the 2023 reboot of Total Drama. I liked the reboot, up until the last act of the second season. If you want my thoughts on it. I made a post whining about that last act. I admit I've gotten a bit softer on it, but I still think it's a weak ending.

So with this, I wanted to actually post my reactions so I can get more into it and write down my thoughts like a diary.

I'm sure this won't backfire in any way with people spoiling...

(THESE ARE ALL SCREENSHOTS FROM ODDNATIONS DISVENTURE CAMP. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE)

So... yeah. Here's my first time reaction to Disventure Camp Season 1, Episode 1.

Oh, and we start the episode with an ad. How wonderful...

What's worse than one Chris McLean?

TWO Chris McLeans. Dear god...

(I put subtitles on)

"I'm Trevor McGregor, and this is my hosting partner, Derek Johnson."

"We will do our best to make sure that all our competitors have the worst experience possible."

Okay, so is there a fair one and a sociopathic one?

I feel like there's a twist here and it's swapped at some point.

*listens to the game explanation*

Hang on, hang on...

Who voices these two? Why do I feel like I heard these voices before...

Okay, INRTO!!

They had the same cut tape that Total Drama had, that's cool.

Alright, lets see here.

We got a rich guy who looks like he's been dumped out here and would complain about dirt. And we got a girl scout character.

Plot twist, the dude makes it farther than her.

Ninja dude. And... other dude.

...when was this released?

Four months after the TD Reboot.

Well this is a remake of a beta, so... yeah. Total Drama said "We're gonna add queer characters to the cast. FIRST queer characters." And this show said "Am I a joke to you?"

I'm gonna call it though, that's gonna go horribly wrong. You date a ninja, you're ASKING for pain. I've watched Ninjago.

That boy has my thoughts exactly!

WAIT, THEY'RE NOT ALL THE SAME AGE. OMG.

Dang, this sixteen year old looks seventy.

She also looks like the cranky old lady. "My age don't define my level of badass!"

That other dude looks like a whitewashed Noah.

Oh you two look sweet, I'm gonna like you two.

THERE'S A CHILD?!?!

Who tf dropped off their KID in the woods?! WTF?!

DJ's brother. And a COWGIRL?!

I'm surprised Total Drama doesn't really have a cowboy/girl. Unless I'm remembering wrong.

(Or maybe I don't want to remember Pahketiew Island)

Oh I didn't even see you... you're wearing a swimsuit.

Oh. You're Heather's cousin. Okay.

"We're here. Everyone off."

Why is the thug Scottish?

Okay names... uh...

Yeah I'm gonna be bad at remembering all of that.

There's someone named Gabby here??? (Someone in my family is named Gabby, so that's awkward.)

Purple Team? No fancy names, huh? Where's the Ferocious Trout's and Frogs of Death?

"I'm Lill. National Girl Scout Troup Leader."

Oh, she IS a scout. I called it!

Okay, you know a writing pet peeve I have? It's when two characters in the same media share a name VERY similar to each other. Unless they're twins, I don't like it when they do that. It makes things hard to pronounce and you can never understand who you're referring to.

There's a guy named Will here. And a woman named Lill. That's way too similar. W and L sound a lot more similar when speaking than you think. Why? Why did you do this? Why not name her Lilly? That's easier. Or the other way around, name the guy Wally or something.

I'm sorry. Pet Peeve is getting to me. I'm calling her Lilly. You're not stopping me.

"You're currently looking at the future winner of this season."

"I know perfectly well how to play with the minds of these losers."

"I once won a beauty pageant because the other contestants got mysteriously sick."

?!

Okay QUEEN, maybe wait a few days before you decide to SLAY, okay? 💅

Straight to the point. She's a prick. I'm down to stan a prick. I watch Total Drama, plenty of prick ladies that slay.

"There are no cabins!"

Oh don't remind me of Pahketiew!

...actually, I like this idea. I also think this and the confessional styles are more accurate to Survivor. Am I right on that? I've only seen a couple of out of context clips of the show, admittedly.

"A tent, a machete, and a pot."

Then what's that sword? Didn't mention that on your supply list. Is that contraband?

So no food either? Dang, we're really going there and starving everyone to death.

(I would SUCK as a Survivor player)

"There will, however, be a way to get extra supplies by winning the challenges."

You gotta EARN your McDonalds order.

Or Chef slop depending on your craving.

Alright, red sweater likes all this. You know what, I'm all for optimists.

"Could someone take my suitcase? I'll pay whatever."

You were DEFINATELY dumped here against your consent.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

I'M A NINJA. I DON'T FEEL HEAT.

"Actually, I can't get that much sun exposure."

Oh he DOES talk. Okay. I was thinking a different kind of ninja for a second.

I can't get over that there's a CHILD here.

WHO DUMPED YOU IN THE WOODS?!?! WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!?!

"My parents are a little short on money so they agreed to send me here in exchange for payment."

That might be more f****d up than anything I've seen on Total Drama.

Yes? Child services? I'd like to report something.

Wouldn't it be funny if they ditched her cause she's a demon child?

It's still wrong on their end. But it would be funny if this little girl had a foul mouth and didn't know what love was. (Cause she never received it from her parents)

...so what's his name is the real ninja. Got it.

They couldn't afford a VA, I imagine. That or no one auditioned that stayed.

"I'd like to know who picked the teams and why mine got stuck with the old lady, a child, and four guys who looked like they've never seen sunlight."

Alright, I'm gonna like this character.

Not because she's a nice person though. I'm just down to stan a bad bitch and she's giving me that energy.

"Do you know how many animals had to die for that?!"

Well I know my GF would like you.

"If you don't care for animal's lives, I might not care for yours."

OKAY KAREN, CALM DOWN.

"Sometimes I get a little upset, but it's something I couldn't control, so I prefer to see the positive side of things."

Uuuhhh... are you bipolar? That would explain a lot.

"How come you're so good at this?"

"I watched a survival show."

What are your sources? I watched a movie once. Same energy of a response.

"It's just a book about surviving in isolated places."

Okay Noah wasn't whitewashed. He's right here. This takes place twenty years in the future of Total Drama.

"I haven't been out of the house that much."

CALLED IT.

"My parents... they're kind of overprotective."

"A couple of weeks ago I had an argument with them and I left."

I fear that every day. No one likes arguing with their parents.

I like this setup for a character.

"An animal attacking us?! We do not find any food and starve to death?! A forest fire wiping us all out?!"

Oh he's just like me fr

"I know it may be a little early for this..."

"How about we make an alliance?"

"Sure. We can protect ourselves and get the four of us to the Merge."

Ooooohh. We have an alliance ALREADY?!

They might lose like 1-2 of their members, but that's a good idea. Start your alliances early. It'll help you in the long game.

"Right now, you're gonna vote one person off each team."

Wait, what? THE GAME JUST STARTED, WTF?!

This has to be a psyche. There's NO WAY.

"Gabby from the purple team and Fiore from the teal team."

This is a psyche.

You shouldn't have threatened anyone.

What did Fiore do?! Sorry for being a child!

*Team Swap*

Oh thank god, it was a psyche.

"No one will be eliminated today. Only this time you will play for a reward."

So no one's going home today. Cool.

*Patreons*

Oh, there's a patreon shoutout.

I definitely respect these content creators, I will say that much. Presentation is a lot better than I thought it was gonna be.

"I understand why they hate your personality so much, but you know, I can tolerate you."

"Really? Would you be my friend?"

"No, but we can be allies."

Hey, at least she's honest. That's a trait you don't see very often on these shows.

I don't hate Gabby's personality btw. I'm leaning more towards the opposite, especially after what happened to her. Learning everyone hates you right off the bat sucks.

"On the other team they were very rude to me."

They pretty much ignored you, what are you talking about?

"How old are you?"

"I'm 6"

DEAR GOD.

YES. CHILD SERVICES. I'D LIKE TO REPORT SOMETHING.

You can't fight a ninja!!

Idk where he got a trash can lid from. As proof that this man is, indeed, a ninja.

"Will! Go call the others!"

Um, excuse me, I'm CONCUSSED.

"Ouch. I cannot see anything."

...okay, I haven't complained about the voice acting cause it's been quite good for the most part. But that line delivery? Uh uh.

OMG Miriam 😂

Gabby's too much like me here, I'm gonna be honest.

Oh, you little...

Don't underestimate children.

I didn't even realize he had the wrong flag. That's impressive.

"Alec gave it to me."

Oh... but she still kept it hidden. So she still deserves some credit.

"I'm a little scared of the dark."

Is your whole character being a coward?

"Why did you give me the credit for that flag thing?"

Oh wait, that was a lie?

"I prefer to go unnoticed."

That's actually smart. She's a child, and children are "stupid". So she doesn't pose a threat to anyone in Tribal Councils.

"These assholes are really buying into the story that I'm a helpless little girl."

FOUL. MOUTHED. CHILD. LET'S. F*****G. GO!

DEMON CHILD. WHAT DID I SAY?!?!

Oh, the Scottish guy is a criminal. Never would've guessed. /s

They also shoutout patreons at the end with the animation. That's actually a cool extra mile they didn't need to do.

Wait, I wanna see who voiced the host characters. Cause I swear I heard both voices before.

Steven Gordon & Silly Billy.

Yeah I definitely heard those voices before.

Well, kudos to everyone in these credits that worked on this show. Credit has gotta be due.

Presentation wise, that was way better than I thought. I didn't think it was gonna be good quality at all. That animation looked so close to Total Drama and was very smooth!

I also may or may not like the designs better than the TD Reboot designs. Just because there's more character in each of them.

I love the idea of the cast not all being the same age. It's a lot more variety to character backgrounds. I don't hate the teenagers TD used or anything. This is just another approach and idea.

Character opinions: (I looked back to get the names down)

Dan, Ellie, Jake, and Miriam... eh? They didn't do anything this episode. Nothing to say.

All Alec really did was be involved in that lie for Fiore. Maybe he's her first target and he's an early boot and that's why she picked him.

Fiore is a demon child and I am so here for it. Like yeah, maybe her parents actually did dump her here cause they don't like her. That does explain her behavior. But she's also like "Well f**k it, I'll roll with it. I'm here to win a million bucks and crush some adults. Easy peasy."

Tom... NINJA.

No, but seriously, it's not subtle he's hiding stuff. But it could end up being something really minor like he hates his appearance or something and wants to be seen as the cool guy.

Grett, she's a bad bitch. She's not a good person. But you know what? After watching Total Drama and suffering through such nasty characters making it far in the game, I have embraced it. So yeah, QUEEN. SLAY. 💅

Gabby... I think there's some depth to her, and I THINK I like her, but she has some faults like a temper and talking too much. (She's just like me fr) She might climb up for me later. Depends on how long she's in the game.

The Ashley, Lilly, Nick, & Will alliance... I like their strategy here. Forming an alliance as early as possible is a good idea. Heather did the same thing and it worked in her favor. I don't think they're all merging though. I think Fiore is gonna target 1-2 of them and get them eliminated. My guess would probably be Lilly being one of them just because she seems very competent at the game she could be a threat.

But like I said, I think she may target Alec first cause she pinned the flag thing on him.

Nick, I like his story and his reason to be here. Like I said, I think he's outlasting Lilly for sure and getting development.

Will... he's fine, but his only trait so far seems to be 'I'm anxiety'. So there's another Fiore target if the alliance break pre-merge is two.

And Ashley... I like her, just cause she's a cowgirl, but I think there could be more personality from her later. And she seems like one of the nicer people here.

So... yeah. If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know. I'm willing to continue this show.

[spade-club]

I know this is an ask game but Im bored and wanted to answer all of them sooooo B)

🌲 well in terms of how many we've been aware of, we started with like 8 but since have discovered lots and lots of us that have been around forever, I think the official count right now is 32 but I /know/ theres quite a few more.

🌻 "when kurby swallows mario he become de kart" -Olli

🌾 I have a whole playlist actually! but I gotta say We Are Broken by Paramore reaaaallly gets me personally.

🌙 we have quite a few special relationships but I think most of all our family dynamic is suuper important to us! Donnie, Cass, & Olli find their siblingship very important, particularly.

🌊 couldnt call them inside jokes if everyone knew about them.

🌺 Rose's room is kinda the most important place we have because shes the only one who actually uses the innerworld casually lately. its all pink and black and white & she has a canopy bed. there are candles everywhere. & she even has a vanity and a bay(?) window :) peak comfy space for her to zone out in tbh

🌍 kiiind of?? for those of us who are capable of thinking in pictures the innerworld is great & even partially malleable. we do have someone in charge of the innerworld, but they're rarely around to mess with stuff so its basically for Rose and Chloe and sometimes one of the kids.

🐛 personal opinion (from Cass, hi) is that Bee has made the most progress of all of us since finding out about the system. she used to be very antagonistic and forceful (internally) but spending more time in the real world and making connections and having a partnership has really taught her how to use her energy for good & now wants to make everyone genuinely happy as often as she can, both in sys and in our partner sys!

🍂 idk how to make fusion happen! but theres a few of us who want to whenever we can figure it out

☀️ We like leaving notes for eachother but most of our communication is either out loud or in very loud vivid thought conversations when we cant talk.

🌱 Im pretty open about it in my personal life, most of my friends either know or im comfy hinting about it around them. (ofc most of my friends are systems themselves) but professionally and with my family no one knows!

🌄 oh for sure, I havent had as many doubts lately as I am very aware of how my system dynamics affect my everyday life, but I still very frequently feel kinda "cringe" about acknowledging it because talking about it can feel unnatural sometimes :/

🗻 again it depends on who you ask, many of us have no ties to the innerworld at all, but for Rose it is her home as much as our physical home is (if not more?)

🍁 Names come about in different ways for different ppl. though a lot of it is from music. Donnie got both his online & irl names from songs (What a Catch, Donnie.) Chloe was from the Grouplove song. Cloud (short for Collide) came from Collide With The Sky, the PTV album. Juice is a nickname from my real name. & Candle Rose are just two things she really likes aesthetically lol. most of the rest were a bit more random tho

🌈 Most of us consider ourselves human but as far as self inserts, characters & other such AUs Donnie is a fairy (occasionally a vampire too,) Rose is a vampire, Olli is wolf boy, Cass is a puppet of sorts. & the genuine non-humans are CeCe who is an angel, & Ghost who,, is a ghost

🦔 I miss Indie all the time where the FUCK did she go?? Olli has also been hibernating for a minute, miss that kid :(

👥 My partner & my best friend are both pretty good with understanding when I unmask fully. Some of us, however, still have trouble not unsettling our autistic friends when we unmask. Donnie in particular tends to get a very polarized reception, for that reason. everyone thinks hes mad all the time but really he's just quiet.

🦚 honestly we're pretty open about it & tend not to mask too hard anywhere so I would consider us overt but overtness is a complicated concept because no one who doesnt already know would know, yk? (Olli does mask in public pretty well though!)

DID / OSDD ask game

🌲 How has your numbers of parts changed over time?

🌻 Favorite quote from a part.

🌾 Any songs you relate to DID / OSDD?

🌙 Share a special relationship between parts.

🌊 Any inside jokes in your system?

🌺 Describe one part of your inner world.

🌍 Can you change your inner world and access it freely?

🐛 Which part made a lot of progress?

🍂 Did a fusion happen in your system?

☀️ How do you all prefer to communicate?

🌱 How open are you about your DID / OSDD?

🌄 Did you ever went through phases of denial?

🗻 How much does your inner world feel like home?

🍁 How do your parts get their names?

🌈 Are there any parts who view themselves as something other than human? Or who have supernatural powers?

🦔 Are there any parts of you that you miss?

👥 Is there a person you all can be yourselves around?

🦚 Ho covered / overt is your DID / OSDD?

❔ (ask any other question)

[darkouter]

barty has four rings on his right hand, each unique and sporting a gem representative of each house.  they are from the house traitors club and regulus (specifically, @proditeur‘s regulus!).  he got them on valentine’s day in his fifth year, where adnan orchestrated a group event for him.  throughout the day, each of them made a friend proposal to barty in succession, and it was a big spectacle at hogwar.ts.  barty cried every single time.  barty cried for the next week at random moments where he looked at the rings they gave him on his hand.  he cries a lot and talks about how much he loves them, ok.

adnan gave him a silver band with emerald gems, lorelai a bronze band and sapphire gem, a gold ring and ruby gem from atticus, and, in g’s own words about the ring from regulus, “ it would be silver cus that's what reg really likes, but he'd give it a yellow tourmaline stone for hufflepuff set in the thick silver band with a thin black line wrapped around the middle, and it's got "for my dummy" etched around the inside”

anyways, barty wears them ALWAYS.  he loves all of them equally, but he tells each of them “i love yours the most, but don’t tell anyone else” because he just wants to make everyone happy about their contribution.  at any point in time after his fifth year, he wears them.  he refuses to take them off, besides to wash them or his hands or whatever else like that.  when he’s anxious, he toys with them.  they are especially important to him in his later years due to regulus’ disappearance and the club all abandoning him.  they are relics of his past, and he gets touchy and generally sensitive about them.

he had to take them off while masquerading as moody, and it was Painful.  even during the duration of the imperius curse, he consistently wore them.  that is the longest period of time where he would take them off, though he would immediately put them back on each time the polyjuice potion wore off and he could put them back on his long, skinny fingers.  he nearly fucked up his right hand because he left them on once during his transformation into moody, and they got stuck on his hand and cut off circulation, and he had to magic them off carefully lmao

anyways don’t damage his rings or he’ll 🔪🔪🔪

[capricxs]

so you’ve been roleplaying for years... things change, the way the community does things shift, and sometimes there’s new skills you need to pick up and adjust to in order to make your time rping as creatively rich and fulfilling as it can be. one of those things that’s become extremely important is plotting & hcing. either in groups, in indie, or doing 1x1s, these two are the foundation to your interaction (unless you’re the type to wing it). sometimes when i interact with people, it seems they don’t really click with this process, so in the guide below, i’ll help to explain why these are so important, and how to do it in a way that not only gives you a rich plot, but helps inspire and keep your writing partner engaged with you.

disclaimer --- this is just my personal experience and opinions being shared. i am not the end-all-be-all on how to interact with writing partners. this is just here to get people to begin thinking about things they otherwise wouldn’t have thought about.

questions regarding this help post can be found here. let’s jump in!

WHY IS PLOTTING & HCING SO IMPORTANT?

firstly, rp has changed a lot since the days of launching into an rp or writing a random starter for a new follower. things are a lot more established and regardless of if you’re in a bio/skeleton rp with pre-written connections, or you’re in a new plotless group or indie and you’re coming up with them on your own, it’s a major foundation to your writing experience, so don’t treat it lightly!

secondly, regardless of format, and with the shifts in rp culture, behind the scenes plotting & hcing is crucial to the development of your plot & characters. as writers, we take more time with our replies so development on dash happens a lot slower. personally i don’t mind that, but i don’t want that to hinder my writing experience so i like taking things behind the scenes to help build up dynamics and situations so the whole relationship isn’t based off one or two threads/instances.

lastly, it helps to keep things inspiring. sound dumb? you bet, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles baby. so many times i have plotted ships, sibling relationships, best friends, or other core relationships, and wanted to sink my teeth in relationship lore and background and dynamics, only to be returned with “hahah yes! i love that!” now i understand this is never ill-intentioned, but it does suck the muse right out the situation. if you do not validate & expand on your partner’s ideas, it’s not going to make that writer’s ideas feel appreciated or loved. the way to tell them you love their ideas? sink your teeth right back and send an equally meaty response right back!

PART ONE: SO YOU WANT TO PLOT

you don’t need this post to tell you how to come up with plot ideas, that’s a whole different guide, but let’s say you’re in the brainstorming process. you’re throwing ideas back and forth based on your muse’s two backgrounds and seeing what sticks. what is SUCH a downer, is when a writing partner is just ... not contributing. yes, we are all guilty of the line “i���m open to anything!” but try and limit yourself to using that line once in a conversation. hell, i prefer it when a person doesn’t even say it at all and they’re HONEST. if i come in guns-a-blazing and i ask ‘what plots do you need filled?’ if a person responds with ‘i need someone who hurt my muse’ there’s two option, i fill that plot, or i don’t. it’s that simple. don’t be afraid to say what you want, the worst that can happen is the person says ‘eh, i don’t really think that fits my character’ and you come up with something else! but when you’re already passionate about the idea, you’re setting yourself up for such great success!

so what do you do when your one (1) braincell isn’t working and you can’t come up with any connection ideas? two options, you can either go to one of the dozens of guides for basic connection ideas and give your partner something, or you can look at the other person’s bio, and your muse, and try and find connections between them. both of these are painfully easy! i’m a personal fan of the latter as it seems a bit more grounded and juicy than the former, but those can be twisted into something great too! **if you’re in a group setting, even asking what that person’s other connections are, and piggybacking off of that. these create super spicy connections. example: you find out muse a is muse b’s ex, and your muse, muse c, is best friends w muse b, so it’s safe to assume your muse c will probably not get along with muse a.

this important thing is not to make your partner feel like they’re doing all the work. because that’s never fun, and truthfully, it doesn’t make that person want to write with you if you’re not also putting in the elbow grease. plotting is fun, not a chore! make it a party!

PART TWO: NOW YOU HAVE TO BACK IT UP

you’ve got your plot now, congrats! and you’re so excited. but now you need that plot to be fleshed out a bit. there’s some history there so you’ve got to establish it. in comes the powerhouse--- my favorite part to this whole thing: HCING. it’s the most laid back, and in my opinion, creative part of the rping process. truthfully, i enjoy it more than threads because of the absolute insanity you can dig up. but i only love it if my partner can hand it back just as i can serve it.

maybe you’ve never quite thought that this part was that important, but i can assure you, if a person is giving you 3+ sentences about the dynamic of your characters, they’re trying to hc with you, and if you don’t enrich them, your dynamic is going to wither away.

i brought up an idea in the first part of this guide that’s extremely important to how you hc with your writing partner: VALIDATE & EXPAND. it’s the idea that no matter how much or how little your rp partner gives you in terms of an hc, you respond to it with a validation, which can range anywhere from ‘i LOVE that’ to as simple as a key smash and the pleading emotion, or even repeating a fraction of what they said to show you understand their vision. but then you have to back that up with expanding on that idea. hcs could be about a situation or about your writing partner’s character, so expand on how your character feels and reacts to things. it’s beyond discouraging when i write a whole idea out, explaining how my character feels in this emotionally intense setting, and my writing partner only gives me the validation portion, and now i have no idea how my opp’s character thinks, feels, or interacts.

see, a point i mentioned above is the fact that threads don’t work like they used to. and that’s fine! but hcing is an easy and fun way to make up for the fact that we take time with our threads now. if you’re rping to find rich, in-depth, satisfying dynamics, it’s going to take many many months to get your understanding of your opp’s muse, and the relationship they have, hcing fast tracks that process. i’m writing with you, i love your muse, give me the dirty details, i promise it’s not obnoxious. the more your give back, the more you will receive. so why wait around, sitting on our thumbs for me to fully get a grasp of your character’s voice, and your character’s thoughts, when we could do that on chat and have a grand time.

but now you’re thinking to yourself: okay, but how exactly do i validate and expand? and for that, we go to EXAMPLE-BOT 3000 !! not a real bot, unfortunately, but example bot has dug up a personal interaction i’ve had hcing. for context, this is a 1x1 writing partner i’ve had for years. we have an excellent dynamic and they are perfect. they have also given me permission to use our convos as example.

here is my message [ CONTEXT: this is a sandbox-star-wars-esque verse]

Okay but I had a thot in the shower,,, where the best thoughts are had. And what if,,, after this meeting and they part ways and such and it was just another weird occurrence in their lives, blastis gets a mission and it’s either to protecc salia or like guide salia across the galaxy to do something smth and save some lives or whatever. And ofc not because she couldn’t take care of herself but he has smth she doesn’t that gives an edge or just a close loved one of her’s didn’t want to see her get hurt. So you have these two traveling across the galaxy,,, sometimes arguing bc she can manage herself but he’s just fulfilling the mission. And them both kicking but. And all the steamy tension and cliches.

let’s break this message down before we get into the response. first, hcs don’t have to be formal. they are the most fun when they’re less together and don’t rely so much on “sounding good”. you’re just rolling off the top of your brain, chatting like you would with a friend, don’t worry too much on formalities because this isn’t the place for that.

i am also presenting my idea in a way that is confident, and with plenty of ideas to work on. i am involving my partner’s character but not godmodding. i am taking things i have learned from character introductions (like salia being independent and empowered, and wanting to do good/help others) and not disrespecting them, but having her take part in the plot. there are also small bits at the end of this idea that are little nuggets to build off of.

let’s look at my partner’s response.

AAAAH okay i love the idea!!! however shes a v. freelance kinda healer and doesnt really take official things. and she doesnt have loved ones that would know if there was danger - she can telepathically communicate with her own people but if she doesnt want them to know things they cant just. force their way in its a Closed Communication line not an open invitation into her thoughts asdfghjsh. But i could imagine that some guy or family hire her to find their children maybe who were lost on their adventure/mission with friends and the last message sounded like one was hurt,,, badly. and the other cant help for some reason. and they hire blastis to both protect her and later the people shes supposed to heal??

but anYWAY the Important part is ofc. the tension. and his big ass in her ship bc why would she?? take another if hers is right there. so hes gonna take that single bed and not complain. but ooof those two?? just kicking ass and being amazing. growing on each other more and more.

right off the bat is validation. and validation doesn’t have to be as direct as it is in this message. the validation is important here specifically, my partner showed they were interested and supportive of the idea i presented, but needed the plot to fit in their character’s story better. we see them making adjustments--- this is a collaborative experience so i alone shouldn’t be the one coming up with the plot, nor would i want my idea taken just as is. instead they mold it to fit what makes sense, getting more specific than my idea with a “mission purpose”. this is where the bouncing off of each other begins.

they then take the “bait” and start building on the tension our muses will experience (this is a ship afterall). while this is the beginning of our conversation, and there’s aren’t specific moments we’re working off of, this is setting the ground for future headcanons (see: the focus on sexual tension, living in a ship together, kicking butt), we are both mutually giving each other little tethers to take hold of. this is a very good start to begin working out the dynamic and situations these two characters are found in, with multiple different launch-off points.

CONCLUSION

there’s no right or wrong way to rp. even the tips listed here might not be applicable to your style, just having the idea in the back of your mind helps. the important thing is you and the person you’re writing with are having fun. you both are respecting each other’s time and ideas and creating a beautiful dynamic or world or relationship. this is a collaborative experience, and it’s important not to leave your partner feeling like they’re doing all the heavy lifting creatively.

hope this helped! as always, you can send me any questions you have in regards to this topic HERE. you can find a tag of answered questions in relation to this topic HERE.

[indylgc]

trimester plot call!

NOTE: originally this was just for dream team legacy, but since the halloween event was announced, i edited it!  halloween event out, trainee eval 004 in! this post is now edited to reflect that.

FOR TRAINEE EVAL 004:

indy was just added this month! i actually didn’t even realize until yesterday with everything going on asdfasdgsdg. he’s actually not doing too hot with it because his best friend, jiahn, was dropped from this project not too long ago and was heartbroken over it. he isn’t ready to debut, especially when he feels like he’s taking jiahn’s spot when he really wants to debut with him. he’s already considering dropping out, but he’s also really excited about having his own vlive variety show, so he’s generally really torn. for now, he’s just taking it one day at a time, figuring he can bow out whenever he needs to.

thankfully!! variety is actually about the only area indy shines in asdfasg so he’ll be doing his best not to show any of his sad feelings right now and just have fun. he’ll be really happy to help anyone else that struggles in this area loosen up and have fun too! indy isn’t necessarily Trained in variety, so he’s excited to learn more about it Officially so he can do a better job of making people smile, which has always been his main goal in becoming a trainee/idol. 

i need two people (trainees in the eval groups or models) to thread with about the variety/hosting workshops. i’m also open to plotting stuff for people to be guests on his vlive show, though we’d have to plot them as close enough for indy to ask them! or maybe if you’re an idol that’s free that he thinks is cool, he might ask you if he’s feeling particularly brave. but indy usually isn’t particularly brave.

please like this if you want to plot for this event!

partner one: @dohyunlgc​ (2/4) partner two: open

the details of indy’s show aren’t 100% worked out yet, but here’s a bit of what i’m thinking, not yet admin approved and highly subject to change!

the main thing is getting to know indy and the guests, so it’ll focus on asking “truth or truth” questions

but indy is a variety kid, not really a hosting kid, so that’s not all!

they’ll be playing some games at the same time. not 100% sure what those will be yet, or how many there should be to fill up the two 45 minute episodes, but! one will probably include throwing rubber ducks at a target and wracking up points, with whoever has the most at the end winning. and maybe that 21 flags game (where there are 21 flags, you can take one, two or three, and whoever picks up the last flag at the end wins.)

each time it’s your turn for one of the games, you have to answer a question one of the other players asks. there will probably be some on cards too just in case u need some extra help but indy hopes everyone can be loose with it!!

naturally there will probably be some questions people don’t want to answer, so they get one free refusal, in which they get to bonk the asker on the head with one of those iconic rubber hammers. they may have to skip a turn or something too, not sure yet

any questions they refuse to answer after that, they have to EAT SOMETHING WEIRD! whoever asked the question gets to decide what it is and indy will provide some funky ingredients for the asker to get creative with

if you win, your prize will be a brownie! (or two or three) hand baked by indy, they’re good i promise

but if he wins he will give you a hug and make you wear a dunce cap that says “i lost [insert show name here] and all i got was this lousy hat.” truly humiliating!!

indy just wants everyone to have fun. he’s a believer that watching other people have fun is fun, so that’s his plan to Entertain The Audience

FOR DREAM TEAM LEGACY:

indy is on team orange, meaning i am looking for models and other male trainees!

i’m going to try for the second requirement (two threads), but i’ll go up to four threads if that many people want to plot with me, and i’ll try to get us up to six replies in case you’re going for the first requirement.

to try and persuade u into threading with me for this, i’ll tell you some of what indy is going to be up to for this event, namely:

getting lost in the mirror maze. inevitably. please help him.

probably getting scared to death of the people walking around in the mirror maze

and dramatically joking about bailing out any teammates going to jail, “just give me some time to get the money okay!!” cue him quoting the “i’m gon get u outta there” meme. he will hold back any comments about the injustice of policing because that’s a serious and controversial topic not worth joking about on television!!!

he will be very excited about the laser maze. like, very excited

he’ll probably be pretty good at it too; skateboarding and surfing probably give him a slight advantage. he might even be able to get to the switch

he’ll talk about living his secret agent laser-dodging dream

will probably ask everyone to sing some secret agent music for him while he makes his way through

he’ll be joking but would be overjoyed if someone humored him

generally he’ll probably have the time of his life; variety is about the only place where indy really shines, so he’s excited to make a fool of himself for everyone else’s amusement

partner one: @daehwilgc (laser maze - 3/6) partner two: @lgcjinseo (mirror maze - 6/6 ✔ ) bonus partners: @lgcminhyun (mirror maze pt 2 - 4/6), @lgcxhanseul (mirror maze pt 3 - 5/6), @lgcjiahn​ (laser maze pt 2 - 6/6 ✔ ) solo: coming soon!

please like this post if you’d like to plot for either of these! if you already liked my post for dream team and want to plot for trainee eval 004, just relike it! and if you like it and my spots are taken i’ll just assume you want regular plotting and message you too. ok cool!

FOR THE HALLOWEEN EVENT:

indy is dressing up as misty from pokemon, matching @lgcxcameron​’s brock and @lgcjiahn​’s ash! he’s rocking hair with orange spray-in color, the side ponytail, and the stuffed togepi. he is not rocking the short shorts or the crop top, but he’s got a tank top!! the arms are out and the legs are in jeans HAHA but he’s very very excited.

he’s already doing treat room with cam, and he’ll be hanging out at the party with jiahn at least part of the time but he’s super outgoing and will inevitably be all over the place, especially when it comes to seeing his idol friends again. so!! if anyone wants, i’ll take one more thread for the halloween event for him if anyone wants one! i want more tbh but i can’t promise i’ll be able to hit the points requirements for everyone if i get more than that, so keep that in mind if you see my three spots taken but still want to plot 💕

treat room: @lgcxcameron​ (4/4)​ party: @lgcjiahn​ (4/4), @lgcxmiyeon​ (1/4) plotting: @lgcxmirae​, @lgcharu​, @dohyunlgc​​ 😵

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

oh my god oh my god, i’m wearing my dress on saturday!! tree we are officially living in parallel universes. also your dress sounds so pretty, go live your best cottage core life bestie! (also we totally took dumb photos at prom that is a thing that happened, it’s now canon in the tree-indi universe)

the world is tiny and there’s are a reason it spins in circles- i’m so freaking happy you got to meet your friend!! and come out to them!!

also at prom i met an acquaintance from middle school who got me into the queer side of the internet. and we weren’t friends or anything but i still cried and hugged her when i saw her. there are just some people in the world who completely change your life.

*also every time you mention coming out to more people, just know i’m rooting for you! ilysm harsha!*

awww tree, you partner sounds so sweet, i’m so happy for you babe!! the only telugu terms of affection i know come from movies lmao, but my favorite is banagru konda- like a mountain of gold! that’s so cute! <3

honestly, leave your mark bestie. also i graduated high school and i wrote my initials on the wall, so i understand the urge to be remembered lol.

*rests chin on top of your head cause your itty bitty* mWah! mWah!

i wrote half of this ask like two months ago and finally sent it today, so srry it’s been forever, but tell me what you’ve been up to! 🥰

- indi <3

grrr this is the sixth time i'm rewriting this tumblr better work now!!

YESS WE MATCH!!!!!! it was super fun, i spent a lot of time on the lake and got to talk to one of my friends for hours so i was really happy. we did take photos and we goofed off in a photo booth and all our pictures look horrible but we love them!! hugging you!!!!!!!!!!!

omg.............. youre so right. how dare you blow mind with only a few words im kissing you rn >:( !!!!!!!!!!!! it was really nice to be able to talk to them after so long and it felt so surreal bc like. we're both completely different people now and its like i know i know you but i dont really know you anymore but i still want to connect with you anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!<333

awhhh im so happy for you!!!!! imagine how strange it would be if you hadnt known them, we never would have met!! :( that is too scary to think about i love you too much and youre the bestest. truly i am mad the whole world doesnt know you but im quite content to have you allllll to myself 🥰

*awh im rooting for you too!! and also to myself. if it werent for the tiny tree hanging upside down from my ribcage and swearing at me, i would not even be here. thanks spideytree! u r a real one. i love you more*

they ARE and i love them to pieces<33 i completely forgot about bangaru konda!! im adding it to my list. no one has ever used pet names for me so the only ones i know are from movies too!! be glad i didnt start singing bangaru kodi pitta honestly. no hate to jeevi garu, but. that song fucks in ways i do not want it to fuck. also i recently remembered chiluka, like parrot so im going to use that too.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! are you excited to leave, or more nervous about the future? give me ALLL the details ilysm!! with your encouragement i will write tree all over the place! or maybe i will draw little trees everywhere? well i cannot draw. much to think about!

*reaches up on my tippy toes and still barely reaches your shoulders (youre 5'6", right?) and gives you a little kiss on your shirt* mwaH! mwaH! mwah!

dont worry, i love hearing from you no matter what<33 ilysm<3

my internship started monday! we're virtual every day minus thursdays, the first day, and the last day. its really fun, i get paid to sit around and listen, and raid the snack bar every hour!! im living. truly in my gwen stacy era. also one of the facilitators is really hot 😳 he's colombian but he grew up in greece so he's got this cute accent and he told me i had a kind gaze and thats why he's been inadvertently staring at me when he talks to the group of us. we got into an argument over time travel and free will today (plus a couple other interns) and he's super smart and we were literally yelling at each other for 15 minutes straight and the other facilitator had to come break it up bc the five of us were about to brawl lmao. its been really nice!

also im working my way through a ninjago rewatch and im taking more of a liking to cole now, where before jay and kai were my favorites. kai is still top tier but cole is very quickly climbing up. they are so gay!!!!!!!!! *froths at the mouth* IM EATING THEM

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! stay safe and have fun and give the moon a kiss before you go to bed and i will give the moon a kiss before i got to bed and it will be like we are sending kisses to each other!!<33333

[tick-tick-moo]

what if i asked you all of them for the ask game 😆😆

Is that a challenge????

(I got rid of some I didn't want to answer/didn't have answers for, btw)

1. What is your middle name?- Rather interesting 2. How old are you?- I lost count after the 8th century 3. What is your birthday?- July! 4. What is your zodiac sign?- I dunno, I think it's Gemini 😂 5. What is your favorite color?- Blue and purple, I will not be taking suggestions. 6. What’s your lucky number?- 2, the one constant in my life😁 7. Do you have any pets?- Yep! I'm a dog person 8. Where are you from?- Earth, not sure which one, though 9. How tall are you?- 5ft 11in, I think? 12. What was your last dream about?- Hmm I think it had something to do with zombies and rings and hmm. A blonde lady. i dunno, it wasn't pleasant😆 13. What talents do you have?- I can draw ONE good portrait every couple months. Hmm and I'm a fast reader and good at retaining info after hearing/reading it once? If that counts? 14. Are you psychic in any way?- Nope, although my brainwaves do align with people I am close to! 15. Favorite song?- CAN'T CHOOSE 16. Favorite movie?- CAN'T CHOOSE 17. Who would be your ideal partner?- Hmm I'm not sure yet. Gotta figure out the ideal me first😁 18. Do you want children?- I do! 20. Are you religious?- I am! 21. Have you ever been to the hospital?- Yep! A few times, although the first was when I was born. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?- Nope! 😇 25. What color socks are you wearing?- Black and white cow print ones 😆 26. Have you ever been famous?- Nope! 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?- I dream of it often but I think it would depend on when and why. 28. What type of music do you like?- Most types, although I like songs w/ good lyrics more than songs w/ good music(although both are preferred lol). I listen to alt. indie, musical theatre, some hip-hop, pop, and hmm just random things I like, I guess. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 36. Favorite clean word?- MOO(verb) 37. Favorite swear word?- MOO(adj.) 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?- I think 22 hours. 39. Do you have any scars?- A couple. One on my knee, three smaller ones on my hands and a recovering ankle that I think is gonna leave a few scars. 41. Are you a good liar?- I like to think so 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?- I can do a horrible Scottish accent 44. Do you have a strong accent?- Probably to somebody out there. To others, I don't have an accent at all. 48. Can you curl your tongue?- *curls my tongue* Yepsh I cawn 50. Left or right handed?- Right! 51. Are you scared of spiders?- Not really, spiders aren't that bad. 54. Are you a clean or messy person?- *glances around my room* GUESS 55. Most used phrase?- Hmm "Less goooo!!!!" 56. Most used word?- "Huh?" 57. How long does it take for you to get ready?- For work things? About 15 min. For literally anything else? 5-60 min XD 58. Do you have much of an ego?- Sadly, yes. Something I've noticed. I gotta snap myself out of it sometimes XD 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?- Both? 60. Do you talk to yourself?- Yes. All the time. The best part about this pandemic is that no one can see me muttering to myself under my mask 61. Do you sing to yourself?- Also yes! Same answer as the above. 62. Are you a good singer?- We'll find out in about a week 66. Do you like long or short hair?- Both! I like my long hair for Winter and Autumn and short hair for Spring and Summer. I haven't cut it in about two years though so it's really long now. 67. Can you name all 50 states of America?- I can name, like, 20 off the top of my head and probably all of them if I had some time and a blank map. 74. Are you ticklish?- YEPPPP 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?- Not officially, but I have had humans who I could boss around. 79. Who was your first real crush?- My best friend(yeah it worked out great lol) 80. How many piercings do you have?- Two! One for ea/ ear(although I do wanna poke another couple holes in my ears) 81. Can you roll your Rs?- RRRRR SI 84. What color is your hair?- Dark brown! 87. Do you keep a journal?- What do you call this blog?(but also yes, but it is rarely updated) 89. Do you like your

age?- I'd like to be either a little older or a little younger, but I think I'm in a good spot rn. 90. What makes you angry?- Lots of things. Disrespect, ignorance, waiting room music, injustice, violation of rights. The basics that should be erased from this world. 91. Do you like your own name?- Yerp! 96. How did you get your name?- WELL one day I was like "milk and cookies go well together so why not say cows and cookies" and then I started drawing cows on my work papers. So, when I created an AO3 account I was like "ooh I should use this cow as a profile pic." At one point, an author I like replied to my comment and addressed me as Moo and I was like????? Moo??? That's so perfect! And now I tell people to call me Moo because MOOO 97. Were your ancestors royalty?- I don't think so. I had one ancestor that was part of a communist regime, though! 99. Color of your bedspread?- Blue and grey 100. Color of your room?- Green

[dimitrescus-bitch]

Scouted (Charlotte Flair x Reader)

It wasn’t exactly a secret that the WWE scouted indie matches to find the next big thing. However, you hadn’t expected them to send anybody for the Ladies Night show that you were doing. Tonight was supposed to be the best of the best in your promotion and its circle of collaborators. You’d managed to snag the main event of the night, but you were supposed to lose and make it look good. You were putting someone else over, not being scouted yourself. 

So, when you finished your match and went to concessions to get a drink and something to eat before your meet and greet, you were shocked to see Charlotte Flair waiting for you. You were even more surprised to see that she had what you’d planned on ordering for yourself. 

“Do you have a minute?” she asked you. 

“Of course I do,” you told her. You followed her out to the parking lot and towards a very nice rental car. “I didn’t think WWE sent their wrestlers as scouts.” 

“Normally they don’t, but this was a special show. They wanted their female talent to come and see the next generation for themselves,” Charlotte said and you smiled. “I’m not the only one here, but I wanted to know if you were free to come to the Performance Center. I saw what you did out there, but I want to make sure that you’re fundamentally sound before any contracts are offered.” 

“Am I being scouted?” you asked and Charlotte nodded. “Oh, well, I’ll be in Florida next week then.” 

“Good, give me a call when you get there and I’ll take you out to dinner,” Charlotte told you. 

“I look forward to it,” you said as you shook her hand. She handed you a card and after you did the meet and greet, you went to your car. You made a quick stop at an old family friend’s to do your laundry and tell someone the news before you went down to Florida. You found a nice parking spot for your car, called Charlotte, and she told you to meet her at a place near the Performance Center for breakfast the next morning. 

“How was your trip?” Charlotte asked you. 

“It was good. Made a stop to do my laundry, so I can stay here for up to a couple of weeks,” you said and Charlotte smiled. “I also think that I can look into doing a couple of shows down here too.” 

“I got you two bookings. One is at the end of the week and the other is next Tuesday,” Charlotte told you. After breakfast, you went through the basics with Charlotte and she assessed you from that. The next part of the week was spent getting you ready for your match with another girl who had been scouted. The match on Tuesday was the one you were looking forward to though. You knew that intergender wrestling wasn’t really a thing at WWE, but it seemed Charlotte had done her research because she got you a nice final indies match. 

After your Tuesday match, you went all in at the PC. You signed a training contract and then did your regular training classes. Every single day after those normal classes, Charlotte came in and trained with you one-on-one. Occasionally, she’d bring in Becky, Sasha, or Bayley too. You quickly became friends with them and your relationship with Charlotte started to evolve from a friendship to something more romantic. 

“Are you nervous?” Charlotte asked you. Tomorrow was your official tryout to see whether or not you’d be the one to get the contract. She was laying in bed with you, tracing hearts on your hip. 

“A bit I guess. I’m gonna do good though. Becky said that she thinks that I won’t even be at NXT that long before they call me up,” you said. There was a lot of hope in your voice and Charlotte smiled at that. “She said that my independent work and then the extra training really give me an edge.” 

“Good, you’ve been working hard. You’re gonna kill it at the tryout and then when you debut at NXT, all four of us will be in the crowd cheering for you,” Charlotte told you. True to her word, when you made your debut, Charlotte and the other three of the 4 Horsewomen were there for you. They had front and center seats even just seeing them there filled you with a confidence that you’d never experienced before. After the show, they met you in the parking lot, excited to talk about your match. 

“You know, you got to NXT just in time for Survivor Series,” Becky pointed out. “The Man is making her return soon, maybe we can have a match together.” 

“I don’t know Becky, maybe she’d be better suited to fight a champion,” Bayley said with a proud smirk. 

“I could make her a champion. The Boss could use another partner,” Sasha offered. Charlotte stepped in and pulled you away from them. 

“You did good tonight. I’m proud of you, we all are. I’ll make sure that WE see each other at Survivor Series,” Charlotte told you. You nodded and she kissed your cheek. “Let’s get home.” 

[thoughtsdying]

Thinking on how months ago when more or less I went on my first binge-reading about ADHD (and gifted persons) in Tumblr. Autism too, but peripherally. Bc it doesn’t do ting in the inside in the same way.

So I went and I spent an entire afternoon, without notion of time, to the point that when I looked up the hour almost 5 hours had passed and I was legit distressed bc there were things I had needed to do and I had just passed the entire afternoon having a distressing delayed revelation about myself; reading. 

Not just tumblr, also youtube videos and official web pages, although those were distressingly empty of anything but the basic sheet of symptoms. So I went and downloaded a pair of books to read after. 

When I just. Stopped for a moment and gave myself time to think I started sobbing and crying and screaming in my bed. I didn’t exactly let myself know why, just that I was so so relieved (that’s me!! i swear that’s me somewhere) , and so so scared of being a fraud or a bad person.

And I passed like 5-10 min periodically stopping and starting crying again. 

I mean, if it had that much of an effect of me, it’s bc there’s something there that doesn’t work well, right?? I started rationaliting. 

Full of fragile hope, and with will of doing it right I talked obliquely to my mother when she arrived about what I had been doing in the afternoon.  She catched on what I was trying to imply and just dismissed it. You’re just lazy and intelligent, don’t search excuses for your actions. ADHD is serious, and you don’t struggle. 

It was like a cube full of frozen water had been thrown over my head. 

For a moment I thought I was gonna start crying or screaming right there, but I contained the impulse and just smiled. Ah, yes it’s just so interesting. Did you know gifted (superdotados, uhm, above iq iguess? we don’t have a name for the concept in spanish which sucks) sometimes present with symptoms similar to adhd and autism? 

And we talked in general terms, avoiding comparisons with me, because although I’m recognised with above average capabilities by my family, I’m not one of those upper-genius gifted people out there. So I’m just more intelligent, and a bit more strange or weird, but those peculiarities are attributed to my personality and accepted as such.

They aren’t problems of course. My official ADHD cousin (the only one I have), who is younger than me, is seriously struggling with his studies and with being decent with his mother or recognizing fucked up things in his social group. He is the one with serious trouble concentrating and with impulsivity and constant activity. He’s the one who needs help, not the first and only woman who passes by without studying and has been able of being alone without causing problems since she was 11.

 Although I knew how my cousin would act once he got an addiction to his liking, video games and trap, to my books/fics and indie. Although when people compare us two my mother is always, oh you don’t have seen her without access to the web or books. Goes crazy searching for things to do. Wow, are you officially recognizing I have a problem with needing to do something?

To be fair I’m pretty sure it manifests as inattentive in me, to his hyperactivity.

 I got it bad with racing thoughts, constant thinking and creating charas or histories or parallel universes or about the future or the past or wasting energy on how I’ll study this time. On plans to organize my week. On how to go from one place to another when I need to be at “specific hour” there, complete with huge stretches of time cushioning my tendency to lost myself reading or dancing or looking to nothing thinking before sprouting into movement again. 

I think and think and think and before I can notice I haven’t done anything, so worried I was about thinking before doing. I lost the energy of moving. I’m attached like a lapa to the sofa and the warm of the blankets and the radiator. 

But I love my studies! But i wanted to go eat-buy-see that thing! But I wanted to clean-organize x! But I wanted to talk to z friend!

Nope. I despair of it, bc while I’m quite comfortable being by myself, I need people to really do things. To tell me, you can! to hold me accountable, to talk with and go out of my head for a minute and realise how wonderful is to be human. 

And when I don’t have any defense, my excuse for not trying has always, always been; but it’s boring! i can’t stand it! i think about doing it and it’s boring! Realised I had a problem when I asked myself why not about a dozen things and the illogical answer was boring.

And I zone out in the middle of a class when they’re slow explaining or I already know, or I can deduce where it’s going, and I draw silly spirals in my notebooks when I’m paying attention bc why not? And my table partner has to tell me, can you please stop with the feet? you’re moving the table. And I have to change posture every 10 min. to be content. And the tap of my pens are bitten to death. 

And I interrupt other people with the concept they were gonna say bc come on I know go faster, and I cannot have a conversation if we are front to front without looking to the sides or you forehead or your clothes, bc eyecontact? what’s eyecontact you weirdo? 

And a million other little things unrelated to those lil cliché above. (My unhealthy obsession with reading)

[thelovelydreamer17]

The Lost Adventures - Teaser

Summary: Starting junior year in a new school halfway through the semester was already hard, but after you and your biology partner make an alarming discovery it was starting to look like a walk in the park.  

Relationships: Robert Downey Jr. x Daughter! Reader, Eventual Tom Holland x Reader (As in later in the series) 

Word Count: 1,932

Warnings: Slight mentions of anxiety

Prompt: “I’m sorry, you’re what now?”

A/N: Here is my part in @afictionaladventure16 2K Celebration Challenge! It is loosely inspired by their series Safe and Sound, one of my all-time favorite stories. I haven’t posted anything in a long time, so go easy on me, please! This is sort of a prologue/teaser for the storyline. I have a lot of ideas on where to take this, should anyone want to read it. I hope you enjoy and have a Happy New Year!

You paced back and forth in front of the couch, biting on the side of your thumb. Indio was supposed to be here five minutes ago, you only had so much time before Robert was done filming and would be coming back. The minutes were counting down as your worry went up. As you crawled into the fifteen-minute mark you decided that this was ridiculous. Grabbing your bag off the counter, you swung it over your shoulder and hurried to the trailer door to get the hell out of here before anyone came back. Just as you were about to open the door, it swung open nearly hitting you clear across the face. 

“Shit, Y/N.” Indie waited until you had moved back before pushing it open enough so that he could slip in. He set the small cardboard box he was holding down on the little kitchen table and kicked the door shut with his foot. 

“You’re late.” You started to pace again, not being able to sit still. 

“I know, sorry.” He opened the box and started to pull out what you were going to need. “Mom was home and it took longer than I thought to sneak it away from her and then Andre stopped me at the front gate to talk about school.” 

“He’s going to be here any minute.” You let him take the bag out of your hands, crossing you then freed arms against your stomach. “This is a horrible idea.” 

“It’s a great idea, and I got Holland to try and stall him. It should work for a few minutes. Now come sit down and please stop pacing. You’re making me anxious.” 

You looked at him incredulously, “I’m making you anxious? How are you not already anxious?” 

“Because I know this is a good idea and I’ve been wanting to do this from the start.” He sighed and stood up, halting your steps as he placed your hands on your shoulders, grounding you. “I can remember the few years after you were taken when he was so full of grief and worry that he would drink himself into a haze, and then when that wouldn’t work he would switch to drugs just to make it a little easier. It took him years to finally come to terms with what happened, and get clean, but I know that he still struggles with it. 

“Every year on our birthday we light a candle for you, mom always will make a small little cupcake and we light the candle and make a wish that even if you don’t come back to us, that you are happy and safe and loved.” You wiped your eyes with the heel of your hand, letting out a sniff. 

“If only that wish came true.” He wraps you up in a hug, the solid six inches he had over you making it feel like a warm blanket. 

“And that is why we are doing this, so that can be true.” Giving you a kiss on the top of the head he pushed you away, “Now, let’s get this show on the road. Holland won’t be able to keep him away much longer and we need to get your nerves under control and get a plan together.” 

You wiped your eyes once more and nodded. Indie gave you a soft smile before handing you the box you kept in your bag.

“I honestly don’t know what half the shit in here is,” You let out a laugh and took it from him, walking over to join him at the table. He had started to lay out the papers and documents that you were going to use as both proof and evidence. You still hadn’t decided if you were going to press charges, but Indie was sure that Robert would want to. 

You had just placed down your copy of adoption records when the door burst open once more, this time without nearly knocking you out. Your eyes shot up and you felt your throat clench when you saw Robert standing in the doorway, a confused look on his face. Tom popped up over his shoulder, mouthing an apology to the two of you. Quickly putting down the papers, you took a half step away from the table as Indio tried to fix the situation. 

“Hey, Dad. How was filming?” He ever so carefully slid the papers under each other behind his back, and your thumbnail ended up between your teeth once more. 

“It was good, now does someone want to tell me what’s going on?” He fully entered the room, crossing his arms as he raised his brows at his son. “I’m assuming this has to do with Holland trying to get me to taste everything at the buffet table?”

You shot Tom a look of wonder, and he just shrugged, stepping into the trailed and closing the door behind him. 

“You guys said to stall him and I ran out of ideas.” You stared at him a moment longer until he added, “And I was also hungry.” 

Indie let out a chuckle and was about to add to the conversation when Robert interrupted him again. 

“Aren’t you the biology partner?” He was looking straight at you and you felt your face heat up without your approval. You nodded, your eyes flashing between Indie’s and Tom’s. If you were anxious before, you were damn near a heart attack now. This was not how this was supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen this way. 

“Yeah, she is.” Indie said slowly, “But there’s something else that she is as well, something that we need to tell you.” 

“Are you two dating?” You let out a high pitched laugh that sounded slightly on the verge of hysteria. 

“Dating, oh my god what is happening.” Your voice had risen three octaves and you run your hands through your hair before sitting down on the edge of the couch. You could feel their eyes on you, and Indio inched closer, letting you know of his unspoken support. 

“No, we’re definitely not dating.” He let out a sigh, turning around to grab all the papers behind you in an unorganized clump. “You’re probably going to want to sit down.” 

He walked over and sat next to you, leaving Robert to the armchair directly across from you both. Neither of you noticed as Tom snuck out of the trailer to give the three of you time to talk.

“Do you have the test results?” Indie asked you, mentioning the DNA results that started this all. 

You nodded and grabbed the box off the side table, digging through it until you produced the two thick pieces of paper. They were the official DNA results, you had both figured that the classwork would not suffice in this situation. 

“Okay, so I’m not really sure where to start this.” Indio glanced at you, and for the first time that day, he looked unsure of the situation. You gnawed on your lip, looking down at the papers that were just out of view of his dad. 

“Dio, what’s going on. You know you can tell me anything.” Robert said softly, making you both look up at him. Seeing the truth in his face, you made the decision for both of you. Grabbing the papers out of Indie’s hands you arranged them into a way that would make sense and passed them over to Robert. He took them,  his eyes not leaving yours as he scrunched his forehead in confusion. 

“Just read them. We can explain anything else afterward.” He nodded and started to look through them, switching pages every few seconds. You felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room as you waited for him to finish. When he got to the DNA results, his eyes flashed upward, looking between the both of you with suspicion. Finally, he set them down on the table between you and crossed his arms over his chest. Your gaze met Indie’s as you both wondered what the older man was thinking. 

It was silent, the tension in the room building until your leg started to shake again on its own accord. 

“I don’t understand what this means.” One look at Indio’s face told you that he wasn’t going to be any help, and you were forced to bite the bullet yourself. 

“I’m your daughter, his twin.” There was a moment's pause and when no reaction was made you continued on. “I was taken for what I think was this illegal black market adoption ring, people would steal kids and them sell them for a lot of money for this ring who would them sell them to other people who would think it was a legit adoption company. Usually rich, desperate people. 

I would have stayed there with them, but they were in a car crash a few years after they adopted me and I was put into foster care. I bounced around for a while until I ended up at the school that was partnered with Hamptons Bay for a Bio project, a DNA comparison project. Indie and I happened to be paired up, and we figured it out but then there was the contest, and then the Thymes and I wanted to wait but Indie and Tom said that we shouldn’t, and we were going to do this in a smoother way where we could ease you into the idea, but then Indie was late and you were coming and so we just had to blurt it out and,” 

He cut you off, making your mouth close with a clank of your teeth. 

“I’m sorry, you’re what now?” He looked at you, then changed his gaze to his son who had been awfully quiet since the conversation started. 

“She’s what now?” Swallowing Indie flipped through the papers on the counter before pulling out the two DNA results and your original birth certificate and the fake copy that the adoption ring had made. 

“She’s my twin, your daughter.” He laid all four out in front of Robert, “She’s Y/N.” 

This time, Robert took in the information and understood what he was looking at. You could see his eyes start to water and when he looked up at you again you could see that he understood. 

“It really is you.” He said it softly, a tone that you had never heard in the movies and interviews you had seen of him. It was a tone that was reserved only for his family. “You came back.” 

He stood up and moved over to crouch in front of you. Gently, he unraveled your arms and took your hands in his, his grip loose enough to allow you to pull away should you choose. When you didn’t, his grip tightened slightly as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. 

“We’ve missed you, Kid. You might not remember us, and to you, we’re probably strangers, but I have never stopped loving you or believe that you were still out there. Never.” You felt your own eyes water slightly at his words. Nobody had ever told you something with so much love and trust. This as a man you barely knew who had shown you more kindness in the last half an hour than anyone had in the past ten years. Sure, you had some good homes, with some nice parents, but they had never loved or cared for you as Robert claimed he did. 

[independentartistbuzz]

Good Music, Good News 3.0

We continue to be touched and moved by the depth of sharing and Good News that is coming from the Cyber PR Music camp.  Nd we are not surprised.  Ariel and her team have sent us some of our favorite gems over the years. We are pleased to bring you part 3 of our 4 part series.

Please Follow the Spotify Playlist below to hear all of these amazing tracks.

[HERE]

Thanks to all of the artists who shared their music AND their good news.

Mara Measor | “Love Will Find You”

Is Now An Expectant Mother During A Global Pandemic

I had a miscarriage back in February, right before the pandemic hit. Then was able to get pregnant again a few months later! We had another scare at our first ultrasound and was flagged with a higher risk of our baby having chromosomal abnormalities, but upon further tests the concerns were cleared. And I'm finally getting used to the idea of having a baby boy next year. It's been such a roller coaster, but I'm riding it. :)

John Ellis on behalf of Val Starr & The Blues Rockets | “Whether Blues (2020)”

Experienced Loss, Family Members With COVID & Made Music To Heal

Our daughter-in-law came down with Covid and is still fighting it, and our granddaughter Ariella tested positive as well, but being eight years old, she didn't really exhibit any symptoms.  Lost a couple of friends to pneumonia and strokes, cancer in some other friends, car accidents wracked up a good friend, and then the election happened.  Life rolls on, faith in our Higher Power keeps us sane, and had a lot of time to work on recordings this year. Val Starr, my wife and bandmate, has written a great blues song that we'd like to share with you about all of us pulling it back together again.  Called "Whether Blues" , whether you're right, whether you're wrong, don't mean a thing till we get along"

Tabitha Chapman | “Celebrity Boyfriend”

Got A Publishing Deal

I am immensely grateful to God that despite the hardship, sorrows, pains and restrictions that typified the year 2020, I was able to release 3 singles, and I also got myself a publisher.

Valerie Romanoff | “Pink Skies over Still Water”

Created An Online Music Festival About Mindfulness & Meditation

Without the hustle of preparing and traveling for my live events with the Starlight Orchestra, I stayed home and developed a way to share the energy and messages in my Healing Music albums. I came up with an online show called "Groove Into Bliss: Musical Meditation & More" where my guests and I talked about the benefits of relaxing and releasing stress, the power of music to open the channels to well-being, and offered guided meditations.  We spoke of tips and tools for positive thinking, manifesting the life we desire, and the many ways we can use music to boost our joy! Through the online show I made many connections and was invited to be a guest on many high-vibe broadcasts and events, and I was invited to wrote a chapter in an upcoming book titled “The Wellness Universe Guide To Complete Self-Care: 25 Tools For Happiness.”

Apostrophe Music | “Keep the Hope Alive!”

Released Home-Recorded Music During The Pandemic

I released whilst we were in the heart of the lockdown during the month of April. As India went into a historic lockdown with over 1 Billion people being asked to stay indoors, the air of anxiousness and uncertainty brought out this song called Keep The Hope Alive! The only feeling we all had at that moment in time. 

I felt like it was a message that needed to get out there and once we recorded it out of my home studio (no access to studios because of the curfew lockdown situation) I posted the song on to Youtube and Facebook with a video and subsequently after that we did an official audio release in July. So this is the story about this song I released as the whole world went into lockdown.

Len Seligman

Turned The Tragedy of Losing His Mother Into Beautiful Songwriting

Like a lot of songwriters, I was moved to write a song about COVID-19. While neither my health nor economic situation suffered, the pandemic made it so that I could only visit my mother a couple of times in the last 6 months of her life, despite her living just 20 minutes away. She died in September at the age of 97.

When I looked inside to see what story I wanted to tell about the pandemic, I quickly knew that it would be about the beautiful ways people have shown up for one another. Yes, there's been enormous suffering, but it's also been extraordinary to see the tremendous upwelling of compassion that the suffering has brought out. That is what inspired this song.

Steve Andrews | “Where Does All The Plastic Go?”

Had A Successful Release That Led To Idea for Ocean Aid Concerts

My song “Where Does All The Plastic Go?” is getting included on playlists on Spotify, getting great reviews, and opening doors for me in unexpected places. This is wonderful because I'm thinking big and also came up with the idea for Ocean Aid Concerts to raise awareness of threats to the oceans. I am leading the way with songs on the subject of plastic pollution and my song could be included in any concerts that happen.

Richard Strange | “Christmas of Hope”

Used Hopeful Christmas Anthem To Fundraise for Charity

We (Musicians Together & Sweet Charity Choir) released Christmas of Hope, a single produced in aid of Help Musicians UK, last Friday December. We are donating the proceeds to Help Musicians UK, a charity that you may be aware of, specifically to their 3rd hardship fund. Some quotes from the charity's CEO, James Ainscough: “Music has been a unifying force that’s supported and entertained us all this year, more than ever before.” "But for tens of thousands of music creators across the UK the impact of lockdown and social distancing on their ability to earn, to create and to connect, has been disastrous for their finances and mental health.” "This 99-year-old charity has been in the privileged position of financially supporting over 21,000 musicians this year and we couldn’t have done it without the generous help of music lovers across the length and breadth of the country.”

Jody Whitesides | “A Perfect Man”

Created Deeper Relationships With Fans

I have been changing my approach to music this year. In doing so it increased the response I got from people on social media and via email. The most powerful thing was having a female fan tell me that the song “A Perfect Man” had brought her to tears. The reason, she could feel the love of the person singing to his counterpart and how he didn’t want to be put on a pedestal to fail the love of his life. Which is the main theme of the song. It was great to hear it hit home with a fan.

Andrea Kremer (The Aeon Wanderers) | “Don’t Say Anything”

Formed A Musical Duo via Facebook Groups

After 20 years promoting other people's music for a living, I partnered with a multi-instrumentalist/songwriter that I met in a Facebook music group, and we formed a musical duo called The Aeon Wanderers. My bandmate lives in Scotland and I live in Boston, so even before COVID-19, we were working remotely, collaborating on lyrics in a Google doc and doing videos "together" using green screens. We started by recording covers, but soon we were working on originals, and in August 2020 we released our debut album, "Fictional Histories." Being on the artist side of the equation rather than the marketing side has been eye-opening and fun!

Barbara J. | “Merry Christmas, Darling”

Has A Holiday Release Airing on World Indie Network Radio

My Christmas cover single, "Merry Christmas, Darling," has been selected to air on World Indie Network Radio's (WNIR) Holiday Spectacular Radio Special! This song, a holiday classic from The Carpenters, also serves as the pre-release to my Carpenters cover album, which I plan to release early next year.

Raphaela Gilla | “Michael’s Mantra”

Guided A Troubled Fan Through Meditation And Towards Healing

One of my fans wrote me a message that she was not feeling well and asked me if I could help her. I felt that the really needed help and gave my phone number immediately. In our conversation she told me that it was hard for her to breathe, and she felt a lot of fear. I could hear her breathing heavily.

I guided her into a meditation – I guided her to consider her breathing as an angel's feather. This opened her breath tracks to the earth and to the sky. I noticed how she slowly began to relax and began to breathe deeper. She cried out of relief, thanked me and asked me about my fee. I told her that this is a gift from me to her. It was a very touching moment.

We stayed in contact. Since then, she grows and feels better.

John Mueller | “I’m Doing Fine”

Brought Joy With His Latest Release

My fave moment of this challenging year was when a complete stranger wrote to me that they heard my new track "I'm doing fine" and how it was uplifting to them and brought some joy. I appreciated they took the time to notify me and to bring joy with my music is my ultimate goal. Getting this release out there and the entire album "You are Here" its included on during this year made a positive note for 2020.  

Nia Ocean | “This Christmas”

Channeled A Christmas Song To Help Us All Shine Our Inner Light

About two weeks ago, I saw an insta story from a dear friend of mine which literally “woke me up”! I got so inspired that the next day I had written a whole song, a Christmas song that is. The song is called “This Christmas'' and I made it really to remind us that WE make Christmas what it is.. our spirit, our love, our cheer, it’s OUR light that gives it all meaning. So even though 2020 has been a tough year, we can still choose how to end it. It’s easy to expect and allow for Christmas 2020 not be special because it will be so different due to quarantine, limited travel and lost loved ones, but this song is a ray of light in these times of darkness and difficulty, reminding us of what matters most and that we all have a light within us to shine and share with our ourselves , our dearest ones, and the world...especially this Holiday Season.

Stay tuned… There’s more Good News Coming!

[boneless07]

Casually answers this when no one asked-- but hey! Answering questions is fun! And I need a small break from Google Docs...

1. What is you middle name?

Alysse!

2. How old are you?

I am eighteen :)

3. When is your birthday?

July

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Cancer :P

5. What is your favorite color?

Orange!

6. What’s your lucky number?

7, 24, or 3

7. Do you have any pets?

A dog, pitbull/boxer mix. I want a cat though, hopefully I can get one when I move out of my parents after I finish college.

8. Where are you from?

One of the worst states in Americaaaaaaa

9. How tall are you?

I am 5'8"!! Taller than most my friends ;))

10. What shoe size are you?

Depends, shoe sizes are strange. I can go from an 7 1/2 to a 10 in womens.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Okay I'm getting up to count. 17 pairs, most of which I got as hand-me-downs from my Oma, my mom, and my mom's friends. I don't wear any but my black Van's, even tho they have wayyyyyyy too many holes in them. Idk how they're even wearable still.

12. What was your last dream about?

Last night I dreamt... shoot I forgot. I think the last dream that i /do/ remember was about Harold Ramis, but i already posted about that one.

13. What talents do you have?

I draw quite well and I'm very good at sensing people's emotions. I wouldn't go far enough to say I'm an empath--i think it's just my anxiety. Makes me pick up on things others just don't.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I dont believe so, no!

15. Favorite song?

I Wear Glasses by The Mating Ritual among other songs.

16. Favorite movie?

Ghostbusters I+II, Stardust 2007, and the live action TMNT movies from like 2014/16. Those films radiate comfort.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

*ahem* I wonder..?

18. Do you want children?

Honestly? No, I don't find myself wanting anything of the sort. But if I think about it long enough, I would like someone to be as close to as I would be to a child. I just know I'm not fit to be a parent in any way, shape, or form. Not now, and probably not in the future.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

They're cool, I suppose. I would like a ceremony!! But I'm not catholic, nor do I believe in God, so I'm not sure how fitting it would be to get married at a church haha.

20. Are you religious?

I am.. kind of religious. I'm Pagan, and I loosely believe in the Norse Gods. But I don't practice my craft, nor do i pray, as often as i used to. Honestly it's less of a practice now. Days have become busy, and my anxiety has taken over most of my beliefs.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yep! Living with someone with an organ disease will get you there quite often. But it was never for me.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Hmmm, not officially. When I was little, like 6, someone called the police because my cousin and I were stealing chinese menus from people's letterboxes.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Nope! I do have a signed poster of david Tennant, if that counts at all lol

24. Baths or showers?

Showers! Baths are nice but I rarely have the time nor energy for them. Showers are quick (I say this as if I don't take hour long showers) and efficient ways to cleanse myself.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

White ones right now, they're old and ugly haha

26. Have you ever been famous?

Uhhh, the closest I've gotten was 1k followers on my old art account ahaha

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I'd like to be appreciated on a slightly higher level, like a good following of people online who interact with me, but not a celeb.

28. What type of music do you like?

Indie, bedroom pop, jazz, etc!

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

No, and I don't think I ever will. I'm not comfortable being naked, like, ever lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One or two under my head, one between my legs. Why? I honestly have no clue.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Fetal

32. How big is your house?

Quite small, it's a little quaint condo.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I tend to skip breakfast. Not on purpose, usually

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes, my family has owned many guns in the past and have gone to shooting ranges. I, myself, prefer to shoot a bow n arrow more, though.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

I keep answering these questions before I read them ahaha! I have, and I adore it!

36. Favorite clean word?

Fungus. I have other words, like Schmetterling, TARDIS, etc!

37. Favorite swear word?

Scheiße, it’s great

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Perhaps almost 48 hours? My parents tended to fight a lot, perhaps they still do but I’m just better at cutting it out now when I sleep. So uh, many nights I stayed awake.

39. Do you have any scars?

Plenty! A scar on my face, below the right of my lips--a dog bit my face when I was little. One on my ankle from being pushed in the pool, (TW) SH scars on my ankle as well.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yes, and it was... not very savory.

41. Are you a good liar?

Haha. no

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Usually I am, I always have been able to tell when one person is good news or not.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I can do a British accent, German although it’s very rusty, and a very bad Scottish accent. OH AND I CAN DO A VERY TERRIBLE BUT CUTE RUSSIAN ACCENT

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Mmm, I don’t think so but no one really thinks they do lol

45. What is your favorite accent?

Definitely the German accent, along with the mid-atlantic accent. They’re both  very charming <3

46. What is your personality type?

The mediator, I don’t remember the 4-letter-thingy though.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

40 dollar jeans :| which i regret because they are... very ugly.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes! It hurts, but yes!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

*Checks* innie.

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Depends, lil guys are cute n fuzzy but. Big bois can please leave <3

52. Favorite food?

Tortellini & alfredo sauce/or red sauce

53. Favorite foreign food?

No idea-

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

A good mix.

55. Most used phrased?

"Awww, Was ist los mit dir??"

56. Most used word?

"Fuck"

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Like half an hour to an hour. I take a shower every morning and my showers tend to he around 15 mins... plus my ADHD does not help me stay on track. I'll end up playing minecraft and then boom suddenly I have to leave lol

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No? I'm assuming ego means how much you like yourself, I forget. Uhhh I'm very self conscious and that's why I say "thank you" so much :'D

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Both ;)

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Who doesn't? And it's usually in funny accents, or I'll just start singing latin songs I learned in choir years ago after I yell at someone for not using their blinker

61. Do you sing to yourself?

I DID IT AGAIN-- yes I do and it's usually like one of those sad trending songs from tiktok or a full on opera-musical there's no inbetween

62. Are you a good singer?

I'm alright. Not amazing, not terrible, just right in the middle there.

63. Biggest Fear?

That I'll be stuck in a job/or place in time that makes me hate my life like my parents

64. Are you a gossip?

Gasp! Never heard of her...

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

UHM??? STARDUST??? 2007??? If you havent seen it I def recommend, twas my childhood and I adore it to this day.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On me, my hair was cute when it was long but I prefer it short now because it's easier to take care of and it suits me better :3

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Haha. No

68. Favorite school subject?

History, hands down. WW2? Fuck yes teach me all about it. If not history, then English bc I love to read and write

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Ambivert, actually!

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, and I'm not sure I'd be able to. I get bad anxiety trying new, potentially dangerous things. Being in the shallows of the ocean is enough for me lol

71. What makes you nervous?

I have an anxiety disorder. Everything makes me anxious

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Only sometimes. When I watch horror movies? Yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Another middle ground one! Depends on the mistake. If it's big, or they're annoying or it's something they keep getting wrong, absolutely. If it's a first offense and it's a simple little mishap, whateva

74. Are you ticklish?

Absolutely, touch me and I giggle uncontrollably I swear

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Bold of you to assume I talk to people irl enough to spread a rumor....

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

I was a mod to a bunch of popular discord servers once??? Help that sounds so lame 😭😭

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Who hasn't? (And I didn't like it, not a drinker.)

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Marijuana is a drug yes so yes-- and I will be taking it again

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some kid in pre-k who I nicknamed "Peanut". Why? No clue. He looked like that kid from the video of "Who ARE you??" Blonde bowl cut and everything 😭

80. How many piercings do you have?

Two, standard ear holes :P I'd like to get more but actually doing it is a lot harder than saying it

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Hardly😭it makes me struggle when I speak german cause we got some r rolls in there too

82. How fast can you type?

Like the flash but less accuracy

83. How fast can you run?

I don't-

84. What color is your hair?

I'm a natural ginger :) and I bleached a few strips in my bangs, they're cute

85. What color is your eyes?

Hazel/dark brown. They kinda change, weirdly enough

86. What are you allergic to?

Penicillin and seaweed. Yall know too much if you read this far🔫

87. Do you keep a journal?

There's been multiple attempts over the years, but all have failed.

88. What do your parents do?

My dad's a teacher with mechanics and my mom makes ✨junk mail✨

89. Do you like your age?

Honestly? I like being 18, it's nice and,,, yeah. But it makes me feel oddly too young--like if, hear me out, Egon was real.. he wouldn't be interested in me at all cause I'm like. 1/3 his age lmao

90. What makes you angry?

Violent alcoholics, please kindly frick off

91. Do you like your own name?

Dead name, no. My chosen name, Murphy/MJ, absolutely.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I dont want kids but I have so many ocs that I have baby name websites all over my phone and computer,,, it's embarrassing

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Better yet, none

94. What are you strengths?

Bold of you to assume I have any strengths

95. What are your weaknesses?

Bold of you to assume I have any weaknesses

;)

96. How did you get your name?

I was looking up nice names that were similar to a nice name I liked, but it wasn't fitting with the character much. And then I stumbled upon Murphy--"This name is perfect," and boom a non binary folk was born. Also, MJ is heavily inspired by Spiderman <3

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I do not believe so, but I wish

98. Do you have any scars?

I think this was answered already

99. Color of your bedspread?

Red and black, super fluffy and super warm--not good cause I live in a very warm place lol

100. Color of your room?

Grey babey, zero perinsapity at all B)

I finished this at 3am omg hello look ag that anywyas

Anyone who wants to do this pls do it it's fun when you're invested 😎okay goodnigjt

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[bltngames]

Rant: The Nightmare of Steam Input

It’s hardly a surprise these days that something built by Valve Software is maybe not the most solid, well-thought-out decision anyone’s ever had. When it comes to Steam, it can sometimes feel like a cobbled together set of half-finished features. Remember Steam Music, when they were going to implement a way to listen to custom music during gameplay? Remember when they used to sell movies? Or what the “Steam Machines” initiative, when Valve was going to partner with different hardware manufacturers to sell pre-built PCs, likely in a move that was meant to mimic to how Google handles their Android phones?

And then there’s the Steam Controller, built on the back of the “Steam Input” API. Though the controller floundred, Steam Input ended up being far more interesting. The theory: plug any controller in to Steam and it just works. Does the game ask for an Xbox controller, even though you aren't using one? Steam Input will take care of that. Does the game not even support controllers at all? Steam Input can make that work, too. And for games that interface with the Steam Input technology directly, a whole host of new and exciting features get made available, like binding specific actions to a Playstation 4 controller’s touchpad, or a Nintendo controller’s motion control.

On paper, it sounds great. But like a growing number of ideas out of Valve, in practice, it’s been kind of a nightmare.  

The most recent example of this has been the launch of No Man’s Sky BEYOND, billed as one of the biggest content updates that game has ever seen. Previous PC builds of No Man’s Sky relied on basic, functional Xbox controller support. It operated very similar to the original Playstation-4-exclusive console game, but now on an Xbox controller. If you used anything besides an Xbox controller on PC, Steam Input’s base function would kick in, which in my case meant my Playstation Dualshock 4 controller would be seen as (and function identically to) an Xbox controller with zero fuss. It worked flawlessly.

With the release of BEYOND, No Man’s Sky has transitioned into using Steam Input to its fullest extent. No longer does it pretend you’ve got an Xbox controller connected, it now attempts to support the features of your controller directly. In theory, this should mean far better and more robust controller support!

Except that, as of this writing, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for Playstation controllers, it barely works for Xbox controllers, and it even seems to have mucked up keyboard support for some. Thanks to Steam Input, the game is now more or less unplayable in many different configurations.

In my personal experience, this manifests itself by only some of my Dualshock 4 buttons working, and only working some of the time. The power of Steam Input means developers can insert hooks to completely remap all your controller buttons depending on the context. So, for example, let’s say you’re playing a game like Grand Theft Auto. If that game supports Steam Input, the developer could set it up so you could change your entire button layout depending on whether you were walking around or driving a car. They could even set it up so you could have different buttons depending on whether you were driving a car, motorcycle, boat or airplane.

This is what No Man’s Sky now does, with half a dozen different contextual button layouts for flying your ship, exploring on foot, using certain weapons, organizing inventory, dealing with merchants, and more. While cool in theory, it’s a little overwhelming to actually consider customizing your controls. You must now dig deep and decipher what button you want to change in which context, and that’s assuming everything is working as intended.

In practice, this currently means some controller functionality only works when certain menus are visible. For example, I can only aim with the right stick while the build menu is up. Close that screen and my view instantly freezes. As I said earlier, it’s more or less unplayable.

To a certain degree I forgive the developers of No Man’s Sky (Hello Games) for this. Signs do point to something changing behind the scenes within Steam Input recently. Other, older games have been silently breaking in the last few weeks. The 2012 PC port of Sonic Adventure 2 suddenly asked me to reboot the game after informing me that my controller type had changed, and I had to remap all of my inputs in Gas Guzzlers Extreme after it, too, detected a change in Steam Input’s Xbox controller support (all its buttons had to be rebound to a “new controller” after the “old one” stopped working, despite no hardware change on my end).

It’s possible that a version of No Man’s Sky from a week or two ago worked fine with Steam Input, and now a change on Valve’s end of things has thrown everything into disarray. It's equally likely a patch will fix things up sooner rather than later (maybe even by the time this post goes up).

That excuse does not apply to a game like American Truck Simulator, however. It’s a story similar to No Man’s Sky, except while I expect No Man’s Sky is trying to use Steam Input to approximate the original controller setup (just with more depth to what buttons you remap), American Truck Simulator inexplicably did the opposite of that.

The game launched with Xbox controller support, meaning you could effectively use any controller with the game via Steam Input’s basic functionality. Sometime around the end of 2018 that changed, with SCS Software ditching Xbox support in favor of direct Steam Input support. But it’s how they did this that ended up so baffling.

Instead of updating their controller support to use Steam Input, they seemingly stripped all controller support from the game entirely, busting American Truck Simulator back down to basic keyboard controls. Then, using Steam Input, they created a custom controller configuration that translated to those keyboard keys to controller buttons. In other words, let's say the "F" key on your keyboard handles turning on your headlights. Using Steam Input, SCS Software made it so hitting the controller's X button would activate the F key on the keyboard, thus toggling the headlights. In theory, this is great, because you can use both the keyboard and the controller at the same time without changing any settings.

But it also meant that when I put down American Truck Simulator mid-2017, how the game controlled changed (relatively) overnight. Booting it back up a year later, all my buttons did something completely different through no fault of my own, and it took a lot of detective work to figure out why. I had to spend more than an hour untangling this new mess and putting everything back the way I originally had it. By the time I was done, I was too fed up to actually play American Truck Simulator.

Next, let’s talk about the exciting new features afforded by Steam Input. Though fully-featured official drivers for Playstation and Nintendo controllers are hard to come by on the PC, Steam Input enables features like the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, allowing developers to make games with motion control in ways that would have been impossible. A whole new era of innovative uses of tilting your controller could begin!

Has anyone done anything like that? Nope, not really. Unless you count VR, but that's mostly with VR-specific controllers.

Instead, we get developers going rogue, implementing gyroscope functionality where none existed. Take Ubisoft’s Grow Home. Developed as a tech demo for a procedural climbing system, Ubisoft spun Grow Home off into a sort of big-budget indie game. You play as a charming red robot named B.U.D. as he ascends his way up a gigantic alien tree. At the very top of the tree sits his spaceship, and his central computer, M.O.M.

Grow Home uses Steam Input and plugs in to the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, nauseatingly giving you the ability to control the game’s camera by tilting your controller. It doesn’t tell you this, you just start the game with B.U.D. staring at the floor, gently twitching from your slightest movement. What makes this crazy is the fact that if you were to play Grow Home on an actual Playstation 4 console, this gyroscope camera feature is not present. Same controller, same game, but for some reason Ubisoft secretly gave the PC version gyroscope features thanks to Steam Input.

The exact same thing happened with Croteam’s The Talos Principle. Here’s a first-person puzzle game about redirecting laser beams to unlock doors, available on just about every platform that will take it. On a Playstation 4 console, it controls like any other standard first-person shooter -- left stick moves, right stick aims. Connect your Playstation 4 Dualshock to your PC and play The Talos Principle on Steam, and suddenly you have all-new gyroscope aiming for no logical reason, necessitating a dive into the game’s settings so it can be turned off.

This could perhaps be explained by the environment Valve has cultivated on Steam. On a console, there’s a laborious, and sometimes even expensive “certification” process games must go through to release. Additional rounds of certification is required to issue updates and patches. Usually, platform holders require games to meet certain standards of functionality as to avoid driving away potential customers and spoiling the marketplace for everyone else.

On Steam, that all gets thrown out the window. For a small, one-time submission fee, anyone can publish (almost) anything on Steam and update it instantly, for free, forever. Any whim you have can be instantly realized for zero cost other than the time it takes to implement. New gyroscope controls? Sure, why not! Who’s going to tell you no? Definitely not Valve, that’s for sure.

This lead to the worst of all worlds. I suffer from occasional flare-ups of carpal tunnel syndrome thanks to art-related pursuits. One night a few months ago I found myself with enough discomfort in my hand that I tried playing Valve’s own Left 4 Dead 2 with a controller. Besides launching on PC, Left 4 Dead 2 had console ports on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. As such, the PC version originally received standard Xbox controller support. And more than once, I’d fallen back on playing L4D2 with a controller for any number of reasons. It wasn’t as accurate as using a keyboard and mouse, but in a pinch it was convenient, functional and comfortable.

Booting up Left 4 Dead 2 in 2019 and grabbing my controller, just like with American Truck Simulator, I was met with a top-to-bottom control system rewrite made to accommodate Valve ditching Xbox support and replacing it with Steam Input. This meant that none of my buttons were the same anymore.

And, just like with Grow Home and The Talos Principle, suddenly Left 4 Dead 2 also had completely unnecessary (and frankly, hyper-sensitive) gyroscope aiming bolted on over the top, even though I didn’t need or want it. It was like I stepped on to an alien planet.

Worse yet, this new Steam Input configuration was actually a step back from the previous Xbox controller config.

Left 4 Dead 2 was old enough that it was an early game to feature emotes on a radial wheel chosen using the analog stick. This made it easy to communicate with teammates even if you didn’t have a headset for voice chat. To some degree, it was made specifically for a controller. In Valve’s new, official Steam Input controller config for L4D2, the option to show these chat shortcuts was removed entirely. So not only were all my buttons different, but some old functionality was now gone. Why? Why not, said Valve. After all, nobody is going to stop them.

To butcher a quote from Jurassic Park’s Ian Malcolm, just because you could, doesn’t mean you should.

The solution to this is the same solution Valve has for everything they do nowadays. Steam Input is not a closed system. You can, if you so choose, connect to an online database where users share their own custom controller configurations. In Valve's eyes, the “Free Market” solves all problems, even problems Valve makes for themselves.

Assuming your needs match the free market, anyway. You may spend just as long browsing and testing other people’s Steam Input configs as it would take you to dig into the settings and fix it yourself. Either way, it’s an unwanted distraction.

The greatest benefit of Microsoft standardizing PC game controllers via the Xbox 360 was that you simply plugged in the controller and it worked. No mapping buttons, no detecting analog stick ranges, no fiddling with any of the options menus. The game in question simply said, “I know what this is!” and you were ready to go. The only problem with that was it only applied to Xbox controllers, a problem Steam originally solved. Thanks to Steam, every controller was functionally an Xbox controller!

But as is increasingly the case, Valve’s aspirations to be more than simply a library of PC games outstripped their ability to control the quality of the input or output. They fixed a very important problem, but were so determined to prove their own intelligence that we've landed right back where we started: forever tinkering with options menus when we could just be playing video games like we wanted.

[thedeaditeslayer]

Q&A with Bruce Campbell: He’ll host his ‘Last Fan Standing’ at ECON on Saturday.

Here’s an interview from last week that we here at TDS recommend to Bruce Campbell and Evil Dead fans.

The fourth-ever EUCON: Eugene Comic Con is just around the corner, and this year it’s going to be bigger than ever, full of fresh programming and infused with new direction and energy, says artistic director Zachary Davis.

The pop-culture convention is under new management from Davis and his team at Imagination International, Inc., and they’ve wrangled a host of local, indie and big-name artists and celebrities, including actor, writer and director Bruce Campbell and his traveling game show, “Last Fan Standing.” Campbell is best known for his character Ash Williams in Sam Raimi’s “The Evil Dead” movie series, which thrust him onto the Hollywood scene in 1981.

“I want to see what Eugene’s all about as far as comic cons go. It’ll be a whole new experience,” Campbell told The Register-Guard. “I’ve only done Portland. Comic cons are the new rage now.”

Ash and “The Evil Dead” have garnered a cult following, and Campbell’s lengthy career has taken him from B-horror movies and Syfy channel movies, to recurring roles in popular ’90s TV series such as “Hercules: The Legendary Journey” and “Xena: Warrior Princess,” to roles in all three of Raimi’s blockbuster “Spiderman” movies, and a co-starring role in USA’s seven-season TV show, “Burn Notice.” He’s authored three books and is now hosting a pop-culture trivia game show, which will be played on Saturday at EUCON.

The Register-Guard interviewed Campbell by phone Tuesday from his home in Jacksonville about life in the Oregon countryside, finally laying to rest his Ash character with the cancellation of TV series “Ash v. Evil Dead,” and his pursuits as a writer, a game show host and actor. The interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Register-Guard: Can you tell me about your connection to Oregon? You’ve lived here for quite some time.

Bruce Campbell: Twenty years this year. My primary residence has been Oregon for 20 years — not that I was here that much, but when I’m home this is it.

RG: Why did you choose Oregon?

B.C.: A lot of reasons. My mother dabbled in real estate in this area — she sort of retired with her husband in this area, and so I came up to visit and she faxed me some places to look around — back in the day of faxes — and this is about the third, fourth place we saw out in the country, and just the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

It’s mountain scenery and isolation and quiet. You don’t get that when you live in Los Angeles, you know. You go to work, everything’s crazy and noisy, and then you come back to L.A. everything’s crazy and noisy — there was no break. When I look out my window here, there’s nothing. There’s no lights on the mountain. There’s no noise, there’s no traffic.

We’ve been invaded by the pot growers now. We’ve gone from beer and meth as the local standbys, to weed and wine. So we’re stepping up. People with weed and wine have cash, and they tend to stimulate the local economy more than people who drink beer and do meth, with all due respect to our meth heads. Stoners don’t tend to go out and beat people up.

RG: Do you have any weird or strange stories to share about living in the country?

BC: Of course. The best reference I can tell you is my third book, “Hail to the Chin, the Further Confessions.” There’s chapters all about moving from L.A. to here — there’s all kinds of car crashes and drama and serving on jury duty. It’s a lot of simple pleasures.

’Cause my daughter is a California kid — born in Michigan, but raised in California — she came up here to visit. We did some errands, and we park at the bank, right in the lot. Go inside, there’s two guys in line — hey Joe, hey Ken — saying hi to the tellers, no ghetto glass — go outside, you gotta go to ... a place that’s usually busy, park right out front, go in, get our stuff and leave. She’s like, “So is that how it works in this town — you just sort of do stuff, and it happens?” It’s like “Yeah,” because when you’re not completely and utterly overcrowded, this is what life can be like. It’s kinda nice.

So I’ll actually never go back to civilization. Because my idea of civilization is the 24-hour available little toilets in my little town of Jacksonville. That’s how you know your town is livable. When they trust their citizens enough to have (those public bathrooms). Jacksonville is my last stop before I head out into the country, and sometimes those bathrooms are really handy. You know, lousy weather and strange times of night, you stop in there, heated, that tells me that the town trusts me enough to not totally destroy it every time I use.

But now Portland, I don’t think they have those.

RG: Now that “Ash v. Evil Dead” is officially cancelled, how do you feel about finally letting Ash go?

BC: Good. I’ve retired him. I’ve officially retired from playing that role — never done that with a character before. It feels great because it’s time to move on. I physically kind of got to the point where I can’t do that guy anymore. Hamstrings tear and they stretch, your eyes go your hearing goes, everything goes eventually. So I think it’s time to do game shows, you know? Time to put the chainsaw down — I’m a 60 year old man.

RG: Can you tell me a little bit about your game show?

BC: It is “Last Fan Standing” It is a game show for geeks. We’re going to ask how much does Thor’s hammer weigh? It’s not about history or geography, you don’t have to add a “what is” to the beginning of your answer. You just answer. And everybody plays. Everybody who walks in that door can take it on because they’re each given a voting device. (There’s) about 15 early questions ... and they vote. At the end we tally who’s got the best scores, we pick that clicker number and they’re up and running. We do two rounds of that, cook it down to two winners of each round, and then we do a seven question sort of battle to the death and somebody walks out of there with an amazing gift, which I can’t reveal. It’s too amazing.

RG: Why do you like being the host? Is it fun for you? Is it work? Is it both?

BC: No, I like tormenting people! You find out where they’re from, what these people do. We’ve had school teachers, students, college professors, tattoo artists. It’s really anybody from any walk of life, men, women, we’ve had some younger folks, so it’s been really fun taking it around to conventions and testing it out. So what we started doing this year was booking it in an actual theater like a performance arts venue, 400 or 500 seats and just doing it that way, like it’s an evening show. It’s a two-hour evening show, people realize they can have a lot of fun they can interact they can shout and holler because if our panelist can’t get the question — you’d be surprised how often they can’t even though they got up there — we throw ’em out to the audience, and I give out autographed “Bruce Bucks,” that’s fake dollar bills. Fake hundreds. So they still play, everybody plays. We’ve had some people come up, they got in the second round too. So it’s kinda crazy.

There’s come-from-behind wins the way it’s structured. My partner Steve Sellery, he’s the guy that first introduced me to this format, but ... he was doing it for military bases, it was all military trivia. I went to host a show for him so I said, “Hey, this format could work in my world.” It was really fun, these soldiers were all shouting at each other, and it was very competitive. I thought, “Man, you could do the same thing.” Three years ago, Steve called me up to see if I would host this charity show for the troops at the Fort Sam Houston base in San Antonio, Texas. And it was great. We had 600 soldiers, forced attendance, all in uniform. And this game just blew the doors off — these guys were acting like regular civilians by the end.

So we experimented there and I thought it could be taken elsewhere, and so we’ve been shopping it around, and eventually I’m going to try to get it made as an actual real TV show.

RG: So we might actually see it on air someday?

BC: That’s my goal. We’ve been honing it and refining it and tweaking it so we’re going to finish this run of performances. I’ve got three or four other cities to go, and then we’re done.

RG: So Eugeneans will have the chance to come out and see this before it really gets started?

BC: That’s right. Play it now while you still can!

RG: I heard that you consider yourself selectively retired, is that true?

BC: Selective — that’s a good way to put it. I’m not retired, it just takes more to get me off the mountaintop now.

RG: What kind of projects besides this game show project are you working on?

BC: “Lodge 49,” a new show for AMC, I just did that for their first season. I just did three episodes of that, and they’re back for another season. I’m not sure about my character, he’s mostly dead by the end of it. But you know, I’m looking for quality stuff. Paul Giamatti, he’s one of the producers, the writing was great, they just had really good people working on this show, and that’s kind of what I’m looking for. I’m not really looking for more movies for the Syfy channel.

RG: No more of those, huh?

BC: I think I’m good. I think I’ve done with my last “Alien Apocalypse.”

RG: What are some of the things you actually pay attention to and are interested in as far as pop culture, since we’re going to be at comic con. What are some things that grab your attention?

BC: Not much. I’m an entertainer. My job is to entertain. I don’t have to know what the answers to these questions are, and I don’t. I don’t know the answers to them. I watched very mainstream stuff as a kid. My buddy Sam Raimi actually read “Spiderman” comics. I read a comic called “Sad Sack.” The guy was a loser grunt in WWII. He was always peeling potatoes. That’s what I was more interested in, the stories of the average schmoe, which is why Ash appealed to me, because he had no special skills. He was just his guy who worked at S-Mart.

That’s what appealed to me, playing real characters and, you know, acting in modern day movies is a very special skill, it’s very technical, and I got tired of looking at tennis balls on sticks. There’s the monster! Now it’s over here — OK 3-2-1 — shake the camera and blow the thing and hit the blood! You know, none of it is just letting a scene play out. Whenever you have any kind of monster fighting or special effects, you go shot by shot, not scene by scene, and it can be very disconcerting. You don’t know where you are in the piece of this big puzzle. It gets a little boring.

RG: One of my favorite films I think I’ve seen you in is “Bubba Ho-Tep.”

BC: Yeah it’s a cool little movie.

RG: What is one of your favorite roles acting?

BC: Well that’s more for the pundits but Bubba was top five, “Evil Dead” movies top 5, like the Hercules and Xena character, Autolycus, King of Thieves... a lot of kids spent their Saturdays watching those shows. “The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.” was a very brief one-off but really cool, ahead of its time, kind of steampunk western, so there’s been some fun stuff.

The longer you hang around, good stuff shows up. And you learn what not to look for anymore. And you learn the warning signs of trouble. Like when you make a couple of bad movies, you log in the back of your mind, why they were so bad, even yourself included, and you say to yourself, “OK, how do we avoid that?” But as a young actor you just say yes to everything. So it’s just a matter of being pickier now. Way pickier.

RG: What is the worst movie experience you’ve had?

BC: Well, it’s no fun pointing those out, but I would just say that it’s usually a combination... I’ll give you one example where I said no and I’m glad I did. Sci-fi script comes in. Tons of effects. Tons of action. You know, this, that and the other thing. So I say to myself, “OK yeah, you’re going to really need a journeyman director, that’s a lot of moving parts, to pull this off.” OK, who’s directing? It’s a first-time guy who wrote the script. Right there the bells go off. And you go, “First-time guy, who’s going to handle this...?” As my own director, I go, this would be challenging to someone with experience. And writers generally, in my opinion, make terrible directors because they have no sense of how a set works and they’re not great communicators because they sit in front of a frickin’ monitor all day long. ... Then I go, “OK, First-Time Guy, I get it. How long is this shoot?” And I know from knowing production what is a long shoot, what is a medium shoot and what is a short shoot, and they go, “Three weeks.” I’m like, “I’m out.” ... Because the producers now, now I blame the producers, they need to give this guy the most amount of time he possibly has. So that combo platter right there, I went “Pass. Just pass. Not interested.” So that’s what you learn. Years ago I’d say yes and then you go, “Geez what a ... fight that was,” you know what I mean?

RG: Do you think Ash’s ‘everyman’ qualities have maintained the popularity of the “Evil Dead” series?

BC: Yeah. Because people are shouting at the screen “You idiot, what are you doing?” You know he makes horrible mistakes because it’s not his job, he’s not a superhero, wasn’t born to it even though, in some ancient books, his picture is in it. So, it was fun to play the normal guy but then know that there were spiritual undertones, which is kind of cool. Because he is there to save the world. He’s been foretold as ‘The Guy.’ We were glad to be able to go back and revisit it with more experience, because the irony of my life is that I’m best known for the role of Ash in the first “Evil Dead” movie where I had no experience. So it’s nice to go back and go, “OK ... it’s 25 years later, I got some skills now. Now let’s take on this character and try and blow him into a three-dimensional character out of a two-dimensional situation.” So that’s what it was fun about it. But it was difficult because we’re older. Things tear.

RG: Well, it’s a very high-action TV show.

BC: Very much so, I had the hardest-working stuntman in show business, Raicho Vasilev.

RG: And you got to work with Lucy Lawless, how was that?

BC: Well it’s always great, always has been, for 20 years I’ve worked with her. She’s one of the good ones, as they say. Lee Majors as my dad? Who can top that? Frickin’ Bionic Man is my dad.

RG: What is it like having this celebrity status attributed to you as one of the most popular B-movie actors, what do you think about that?

BC: It’s impossible for me to quantify it. It’s not for me to say. It’s always nice to not wallow in obscurity — I didn’t get into the business to do that. But you don’t know where it’s going to go. That’s why you’ve got to be mellow about the whole thing. I have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow in this industry, and it’s changing all the time: the way they make movies, the way they deliver them, the types of movies they’re making. I think I’m just going to enter into the game show phase of my career and see where it goes.

RG: What do you think it is about you that has built such a loyal fanbase, especially with the “Evil Dead?”

BC: Just relatable characters. You’ve got to have a character people will relate to. There’s some actors who will remain nameless who — they don’t let you in. Their performance won’t let you into their world. They’re putting up a sheen. And I think it’s all fine and pretty to look at, but you know, you got to have more. There’s got to be more to it, even an idiot like Ash. You’ve got to have more to it. That’s why we introduced Ash’s daughter. We meet his family, we start to play on a little bit bigger reason why he’s here, what his purpose is. When you look at someone on screen I think you want to go, “Wow, God, I’d love to have a beer with that guy,” or if it’s a woman, “Man, what a great girlfriend she would be.” Stuff like that. It’s just a personal thing too, and every actor evolves into whoever they are by a certain set of circumstances. Some good, some bad.

RG: In the latest phase of your career you’ve turned to writing books. Why become a writer? What is it about writing that you like?

BC: I love books because there’s no shifts. You make a movie, and especially a high-price movie, there’s a lot of people with opinions who are very bossy all the time. And they will hound you about the smallest little things, little changes, and they have to justify their positions as assistant this or executive this or sub-pseudo-quasi this. And when you write a book, you know, I get on the phone with my editor, and they go, “Hey this one chapter, you sound a little pissed off, was that what you want?” I go, “Yeah, I can tone that down.” And I’d tone it down, it’d take about 20 minutes and then I’m done and we never have another word.

I spent more time with my lawyer than my editor because of the (crap) that they care about. But the process is really great, it’s really rewarding creatively, and financially they don’t (mess) around. They know how to add and subtract in publishing. For some reason in movies they’ve forgotten the ability to add and subtract. It’s a much more straightforward — you call someone in publishing, they call you back. You call someone in movies, you know it’s like their assistant will get back to you a week later, and they’ll run by three dates of where they could have a conversation. You know, just call me back. So I like the old-school nature of publishing. It’s getting pretty modern, but the people involved are very straightforward. They’re in it for the literature, not for the limousines....

RG: So do you write at your Oregon home?

BC: Yes. I have an office that’s just about completed. I’m so excited it’s just about impossible to be patient. It’s a brand-new setup where I can get busy in 2019. There’s going to be a lot of writing in 2019.

RG: What can we look forward to?

BC: New book. I’m going to tour in 2020, it’s a book of essays, it’ll be something a little different. If you want to be a real writer you can’t just talk about the wacky times you got dumped with blood on a film set.

RG: Well that was probably a pretty good starting point, they say write what you know about.

BC: Now I’m going to write what I don’t know about.

[daggerzine]

The Vulgar Boatmen interview- Dale Lawrence talks shop.

I had been thinking about sending some questions Dale Lawrence’s way ever since I’d heard the 2015 reissue of the band’s 1989 debut, You and Your Sister (reissued on Time Change Records out of Indianapolis). The band had formed in the late 80’s by two friends (well, sort of....see below) , Lawrence (who was based in Indiana ) and Robert Ray (who was based in Florida).  Back then they did it the old fashioned way, by mailing cassettes back and forth (the only way) and that seemed to work just fine. It had been years since I’d heard that debut and the reissue reminded me of how great (and underappreciated) the band was. You’ll hear elements of The Feelies (those jangly guitars and even in the rhythms, too) but also other classic bands like the Velvet Underground and even the Everly Brothers on certain cuts. Their sophomore effort, 1992’s Please Panic was just as good (maybe better) and I never heard 1995’s Opposite Sex (I hope to change that very soon…both recently reissued, see below) and then the band broke up.  If you’ve never heard the band’s music and have read this far then by all means do check them out, you won’t be sorry as their songs are truly excellent. Pop music with hooks and plenty of smarts. A month or so ago I sent some questions to Dale and he was more than happy to elaborate on my queries. Read on and when you have some time play ���Drive Somewhere” at top volume today!

Robert and Dale, the early years. 

Where were you born/where did you grow up?         

I was born in Valparaiso, Indiana, and grew up one county over, on a farm outside a town called Hanna, an hour or so from Chicago.

 Was your family musical or at least supportive of your musical pursuits?    

Neither of my parents were especially musically inclined but I did grow up surrounded (and fascinated) by records. And my parents at least never tried to discourage my musical ambitions.

 What was your first band you ever saw live?    

I  was very lucky -- Neil Young, the 1973 Stray Gators tour (which resulted in Time Fades Away).

 What was your initial entry into the world of independent/punk/other music? (I know you were in The Gizmos…..that might need to be a whole other interview!!).      

My rock ‘n’ roll life began when I was nine years old and suddenly noticed Top 40 radio on the bus ride home from school: WLS, out of Chicago, 1965, a very good year for radio. (Again, lucky.) By 1976/77, I was in college and listening to the usual suspects, Modern Lovers, Television, Ramones. But hearing the Sex Pistols in the fall of ’77 was really the big corner. It hit me like nothing else before or since, made the world seem like a wholly different place. The sound of those records, the sound of Johnny Rotten’s voice, sounded exactly how frustrating it felt to be alive just then. And it made me want to be in a band, an old ambition I’d largely abandoned as a pipedream. Within weeks, I'd answer an ad and join the Ted Neimeic Gizmos on rhythm guitar.

 Ready to rock.

What were the beginnings of the Vulgar Boatmen?

The Boatmen actually began in Gainesville, Florida, a couple years before either Robert or I were involved. At that time it was a very different band, different aesthetic, different set of musicians (oddly enough, a situation pretty similar to the two different versions of Gizmos). Robert was friends with some of the band members and eventually joined, initially as rhythm guitarist. When the main songwriter, Walter Salas-Humara, left to form the Silos in New York, the Boatmen needed new material and started doing some of the songs I’d written in the Gizmos. Robert changed some lyrics, added a bridge or two – these were our first “collaborations.” I was in Indianapolis at that time, leading a band called Right to Left. It was then that Robert and I started collaborating in earnest, sending song ideas back and forth thru the mail.

 Where did the band name come from?                                                                            

The name was already in place when Robert and I got involved. It’s basically a third-graders pun on “The Volga Boatman,” a beginners piano piece. To the extent it doesn’t sound like we’re taking ourselves too seriously, I always liked the name. But we probably would have been smart to try to come up with something more fitting.

 Were you and Robert always based in separate states or was there ever a time that you lived near each other?                                                                                                                        

There were a couple years when we both lived in Bloomington, while he was a grad student and I was an undergrad at Indiana University. We met, weirdly enough, in a class on song lyrics. Robert was the AI and when he mentioned in class that he’d seen Elvis perform in Memphis, pre-RCA, I immediately scheduled office hours with him and we’ve been great friends ever since. Neither of us were in bands at that time, though I'd be in the Gizmos within a few months. We didn’t start writing together until years later.

 What do you remember most about working on the songs that would become You and Your Sister?                                                                                                                           

In terms of writing the songs, I remember consciously trying to use as few chords as possible (a lot fewer than I'd typically employed in Gizmos songs) -- and in particular, concentrating on the I and IV chords, a movement I could hear at the heart of so much music I loved, from the Soul Stirrers to "Road Runner." Also, I remember that having a fulltime songwriting partner was a distinct luxury: two sets of ears to hear rhythmic settings, better odds of finding the right lyrics.

 Recording-wise, the album was done at Robert’s house, on an 8-track machine, so I remember hanging out there in Gainesville for weeks at a time. The relaxed schedule that arrangement afforded us might in hindsight be the most important element in the recording process. We could afford not to rush anything. If a vocal or a tempo or a guitar sound wasn’t quite there, we knew we had plenty of time to get it right. I especially remember obsessing over snare-drum sounds. One we were especially happy with was on “Mary Jane” – except that when we tried recording a lead vocal, we discovered that most of what we liked about the snare sound was actually on the scratch vocal track. So that scratch vocal ended up being the actual vocal.

 The classic album!

Did you tour much for the record? Ever make it overseas?                             

We did tour quite a bit for that album, several swings through the south and the east coast, once to the west coast. We did not make it overseas until the second and third albums, when we played Germany, Austria, and England.

 At the time of You and Your Sister were you working regular jobs?               

I was working for a local record store, traveling on weekends to collectors conventions, hawking bootleg videos – already a bit like touring. Robert had a full-fledged career, teaching at the University of Florida.

 Was it basically the same lineup for 1992’s Please Panic?                          

Well, yes and no. Both albums were recorded by a combination of musicians from both the Gainesville and Indianapolis lineups. (So, for example, there are four different drummers on Sister.) The Indiana musicians used on the second album are mostly different than the ones who had contributed on the first, the Florida musicians were pretty much the same. One difference on the second album is that we had access to studio pro J.D. Foster, who is the main bass player on Please Panic.

 The other classic album!

How did the band end…..or did it not?                                                                                    The end for us came, as for many indie bands, when we signed with a major, Warners/EastWest, out of London. We finally had a bit of a budget to make a record and, at first, major promotional assistance. But a shakeup at Elektra resulted in Opposite Sex never seeing a US release, which was pretty much the end of the road. Our pending booking deal with Monterey Peninsula fell through and we were dropped almost immediately by the UK label as well. The band has never officially broken up, but it has become very much a part-time thing. The Indianapolis outfit plays out a handful of times every year.

 I noticed that you still play live these days. Is it under your own name or the Vulgar Boatmen?

The Vulgar Boatmen.

 What are your top 10 desert island discs?                                                         Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, Louis Armstrong.

Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols.

The Complete Buddy Holly.

A Hard Day’s Night (or any of their first five albums), the Beatles.

Stranded (or Siren or Country Life), Roxy Music.

Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Rodgers and Hart Songbook.

The Sun Sessions, Elvis Presley.

Call Me, Al Green.

Astral Weeks, Van Morrison.

Bo Diddley (or The Duke at Fargo or The Definitive Otis Redding or...).

 Some of your current favorite bands/musicians?                                                                

I listen to way more older music than current stuff, always finding records I hadn't known about before. Right now, I’m listening a lot to Jimmy Reed. Thelonious Monk has been a constant on my stereo in recent years. Two current bands I love are Terakaft and Sufjan Stevens.

 A recent pic of the band. 

Final words? Closing comments? Anything you want to add that I didn’t ask?

I guess I can plug some rereleases that are about to happen. The first three Boatmen albums are being reissued on vinyl, by Play Loud! Records, out of Berlin. As with the Sister CD, Please Panic has been completely remastered. It will be the first time that Opposite Sex has ever been out on vinyl.

 Thanks so much for doing this!

 Relevant links below!

www.facebook.com/airportdecisionsinc/

 www.timechangerecords.com

 www.playloud.org

 Their 1995 album. 

  Such a classic!

[gaming-rabbot]

Rabbot Reviews: Far Cry 5

Great taste, empty calories.

Far Cry 5 is the latest game in quite the lineage of a series known, as you might surmise, as Far Cry. Game number 6, actually, dependent on how canon you feel Primal was. FC as it stands now, though, is a bit of a… how to put it? A long call? A distant yell? An outlying wail? A remote shout? No, a far cry from the original two games, before Ubisoft bought the franchise.

(Yeah, that’s the phrase. Glad I thought of it, though I don’t know where I got it.)

((Incidentally, Remote Shout is the name of my new indie punk garage band. Album drops: never, because this is a joke.))

Starting after Far Cry 3, Ubisoft has been telling their dev teams to make lightning strike twice. Thus, each game hereafter has been an excited waiting game of seeing how they’ll try and ultimately fail to match the demented, yet incredibly charismatic villain that was Vaas.

And 5 feels like this illogical conclusion of just that. Because you have not one, not two, but four scenery-eating, rompy villains. Less a refined, precise attempt at the concept, and more of a blunderbuss approach; hoping to tickle a little of everyone’s villain fancy.

That, I feel, is the perfect metaphor for the game in general.

Last call to avoid spoilers.

Speaking of fitting descriptions of the entire game, let’s start with the intro. Because I have mixed feelings about it, at best. There’s a lot it does right, and some things it simply gets wrong, in regards to the rest of the narrative as a whole.

The pacing and atmosphere are phenomenal. The very air feels heavy around you as you enter into the church, here to take the titular Joseph Seed away from his flock. The pressure of the stakes are established flawlessly, leaving a feeling of palpitation, and a true understanding of just how dangerous Joseph is. Surprised as I was, the game even managed to shock me a little.

In that respect, it’s fantastic.

But then the game uses the cop crew you rolled in with as your motivation for the entire rest of the game, in the form of saving them from the Seed family, and oh god, it’s Fallout 4 all over again.

Just like the Bethesda example above, this aspect of the intro simply doesn’t work. And not just because it’s asking me to unconditionally care about cops.

This sequence of the narrative focuses on every other aspect of narrative setup except for the characters that you’re supposed to get invested in. You get but the most cursory taste of who they are as people. Such a small amount of time can mainly attach their personalities to a specific emotion.

Whitehorse is the calm voice of reason. Marshall Burke is frustrated. Pratt is nervous. And Hudson is… there too, I guess. Look, I’ll be honest, I had to look up half these people’s names for this review. Which I’m sure is only a good sign.

With so little to go on, I found I simply didn’t care whenever a cultist bigwig dangled one of them in front of me on a string, expecting me to bat like a good little kitten. Instead, I yawned and wandered off to play with the packaging the toy had come in.

Like a mischievous little kitten.

Which is such a shame, because there are so many other more interesting characters I actually did care about. And in the few scenes where the Seeds held them to ransom instead, the game suddenly had actual stakes.

Nick and Kim Rye were delightful every time they showed up. Virgil was so honestly sincere, I couldn’t help but like him; and his past, as it unfolded, was interesting to dive into. And Jerome was pretty much cool by default, and an excellent concept for a foil to the cultist bad guys, and everything they stood for.

But the story feels almost unconfident in its execution. Like the team is scared you’ll get bored. So the solution, write more story, or rather, several seemingly self-contained stories across the three separate regions.

With no overarching theme or plot threads besides “Joseph Seed probably gave the command for this at some point,” however, the connection feels loose at best. And this looseness makes the narrative feel all the weaker.

I’d much rather the story had been more focused and condensed. If they’d honed in on about one third as many characters, and if the villains felt a little less redundant, the overall narrative could’ve been much more refined and interesting.

Even the gameplay, while fun, has the same issue.

When traversing from place to place, you can’t drive for five minutes without a dozen random encounters passing you by, whether they travel by wheel or foot or paw. What should be a ten minute trek can sometimes take 30.

Again, it feels like the game is nervous. Like it’s worried that if I’m not firing a gun every two minutes, I’m losing interest. Look, I know this is the age of the internet, but my attention span hasn’t deteriorated that bad.

What were we talking about again?

But it’s sad though, as it detracts from what could be some very nice vistas and scenic routes. I can barely enjoy the quiet, introspective new addition of fishing without a randomly spawned cultist with an exaggerated country accent shouting “Fay-oond ‘eem!” and scaring away all the darn fish with a wild assault rifle volley.

Speaking of guns, let’s talk about politics. Something that could only ever be fun and only ever go over very well.

I don’t want to get too deep into this, as it’s been covered to death, and more eloquently than I’ll probably put it. For a better dive into the subject, I’d recommend watching Errant Signal’s “The Art of Saying Nothing.” To sum it up though, while at face value, FC5 might seem as though it’s about to lay down a scathing indictment of certain aspects of American culture, it really doesn’t.

Not for lack of bringing it up though.

The lady who owns Peaches the cougar, that is to say, the former owner of this sweet large kitten (no I’m not looking up the name this time; she’s not even a narrative footnote), is a prejudicial old woman who lives alone in the woods.

Immediately upon entering her domicile so I could acquire my new kitty and leave, she mentioned that my player character looked vaguely Italian, and made an off-color comment about not wanting her silver/jewels to go missing.

What is this, the turn of the century, last century?

At Hurk’s place, you can meet his dad, who wants to build a wall. What, no, not a wall down there. A wall in the north, to keep out those accursed Canadians and their liberal ideology.

Addressing controversy by obfuscating the real world equivalent is cute, but it lacks the punch that makes it such that it’s proving some kind of point. Here, it’s npc’s that you’re expected to stay on good terms with, so that you can get more quests and goodies, like a new pet or ride.

(Shame you never get a new pet who is also your new ride, though.)

And why? Because they’re supposedly better than the cultists who only physically hurt and impede people different than themselves? What’s the takeaway here supposed to be, that it’s only physical extremism that’s bad and--oh god wait no, it’s Bioshock Infinite all over again.

Of course, we all know the real reason why. To offend as few people as possible. Because every offended party is a potential lost sale. Hence why despite clearly using Christian/Baptist imagery and motifs, no cultist ever actually mentions Jesus by name, and the peggy symbol only vaguely and technically resembles that of a cross.

I’ve bad news for you, though, Ubisoft; it’s too late. If you wanted to offend as few people as possible, it was already over the instant you let writers set it in a rural, dominantly Christian, dominantly white community, in America. Right wing talking heads were lining up to be officially offended the instance promos started showing bad guys toting guns, bibles, and the American flag.

Because despite bragging about having thick skin, when it comes down to it, they typically don’t.

At some point, you almost want to lean in uncomfortably close to the game’s face and tell it “Go on. Say what you really mean.” And it never does. Making it satire with no teeth, which isn’t actually satire, but parody. It’s a flag-waving, gun-toting parody of American culture. It’s an American beer commercial meets Saint’s Row. It’s a romanticized outdoorsy rural locale with tacky looking guns and gruesome murder set to made-up gospel and old rock hits.

Which doesn’t feel that far off from a Saint’s Row game, but it wildly conflicts with the tone Far Cry 5 very quickly establishes for itself. And it’s such a waste, because to use an on-theme colloquialism, “bless its little heart.”

It’s trying so hard, and there are some things I can’t help but enjoy about it.

There was a moment early on, when I was creeping through the bushes of a small neighborhood as slowly and quietly as I could. I had not but a bow and a pistol to my name. Cultists were stacking dead bodies while their speaker-mounted truck played their very own choir, singing about water washing away sin. As they were finishing up, they began to sing along.

It was as First Blood meets Jim Jones as the entire game felt, and it all just clicked. The gameplay and tone all lined up so perfectly and felt so right. Where did that go?

Luckily, the game is also pretty charming in various other inadvertent or otherwise unintentional ways.

Obviously it’s cute and wholesome that you can pet all the non-hostile animals. But it’s completely adorable how Peaches growls at you when you go where she can’t follow.

There’s also random npc’s you can recruit for the game’s buddy system, aside from the nine named specialty partners. At first, I seriously wondered how any of them could compare to Peaches, the oversized mewling kitten, or Grace, the cool as a cucumber sniper lady.

But then I found some lady named Evie, who looked like somebody’s mom, and I honestly found it hard to part with her. There was something so ernest and amusing about the idea of somebody’s mom who used to embarrass them at every PTA meeting or bake sale, now in an awkwardly-fitting militia vest yelling “Get some!” to every other cultist who dared cross our path.

The gameplay is also varied enough with timed races, and puzzling treasure hunting segments. The latter in particular, I really enjoyed. They had me doing everything navigating mazes of fire to hopping and swinging along successive grapple lines under a bridge, skirting river water along the way. It’s good, varied fun.

I also really appreciate the organic way in which story beats are unlocked, which is really saying something for a sandbox. Normally, there are specific missions that unlock the next cutscene that actually matters, and everything else feels like so much filler and padding.

Far Cry 5 had the genius idea that everything should contribute to an overall progress bar. This makes it that nothing feels like padding, as you’ll always be working toward the next story beat, even if you’re doing what feel like side quests.

But it’s one step forth and one step back with you, isn’t it Far Cry 5?

Once you’ve unlocked the next story beat, you’ll be whisked away to the next cutscene to have one of the villains get in your face for the next five minutes, whether you were ready for that or not. It gets annoying after the second time, and downright numb the fifth or sixth.

It’s also where the writing starts to fall apart some more.

You know that old James Bond trope where the bad guy has him right where they want him? But then because the villain is so contrived in how they want to handle him, he ends up getting away? Well that happens almost every time. It’s cheesy.

Also where some of the worst writing in the game comes into play.

Jacob Seed has a neat gimmick, I’ll admit. He’s all about classic conditioning, A Clockwork Orange style. Alright, interesting enough. And instead of escaping, you wake up, presumably days later, having finally escaped his mind control. It was a neat twist at first.

What’s incredibly stupid though is everyone points it out. Dutch, Eli, all characters who know about Jacob’s MO, and none of them think anything suspicious about it. Nope, just “Hey, now that I can finally get in contact with you after an entire week of you not responding, come back and get uncomfortably close to me and people I care about.”

Nobody thinks anything’s up with that? Even after it happens three or four times?? And not even my own character thinks to warn them that I’m being psychologically manipulated to kill them???

Oh. Look at that. The game made me kill Eli. How very unsurprising. What is that, something like four hours of build up to a twist anyone could see coming if they’ve ever seen a story?

“Who cares, it’s fun, isn’t it?”

I mean, yes, sure. It’s very fun, in fact. Fewer things have been more satisfying than timing it just right to take down three baddies at once, with a sniper shot from Grace, a mauling from Peaches, and a throwing knife from myself.

And like I said before, the gameplay is just varied enough to not grow dull. But what should be a good game is held back by mediocre writing and a lack of commitment.

Weirder than any of it though is the troves of people lining up to say it doesn’t matter, because the game is fun. Listen, I can enjoy the gameplay for hours of mind-numbing fun, but still be able to pick apart everything wrong with the overall experience. There’s nothing really wrong with that. It doesn’t completely impede what enjoyment I, or anybody else, was able to get out of it.

I really don’t get this, though. This is no critique of the game itself, mind you, but it is at fault for bringing it up again, even if by accident. So it bears discussion.

Clean Prince was right when he said that Far Cry 5 brought up a lot of what’s wrong with modern gaming culture. Yet I can’t help but disagree with his reasoning behind this statement. Because he, like many, asked why any of it matters, so long as the game is fun.

Look.

Gamers clamored for years, demanding our hobby be taken seriously. Entire groups and brands like Extra Credits formed, to try and gain for games the same respect film and literature already had.

Nowadays, we have critics aplenty, like Super Bunny Hop, and the above-mentioned Errant Signal, who regularly dissect games with the same attention to detail movies, shows, and novels receive.

We did it. We’re here. We made it, right?

No.

People tear down bad writing in games, and suddenly it doesn’t matter. The game being fun is the only feature that matters, now that it’s convenient to dismiss anything that seemingly gets in the way of your enjoyment.

Even though it doesn’t.

If Far Cry 5 were a film, people would be trampling over each other to repeat the critics’ disregard of its milquetoast shotgun approach to writing, and lack of commitment to an actual point, despite advertising itself as any kind of satire.

It’s not like having an actual statement is foreign to Far Cry either. Far Cry 2 had a well implemented theme of deterioration in every aspect; your character’s health thanks to the malaria, the guns falling apart from being old, fire spreading wildly out of control.

It’s not even necessarily a Ubisoft problem either.

Far Cry 3 was all about the lengths you’d go to for the people you care about, and how growing and changing as a person ends up alienating you from them anyway. There was also an underlying theme about there being no real winners in a setting so deeply seeded with violence.

Ending sucks too. That’s not a good transition, but it’s as good of one as it deserves, to be frank.

It’s awful, but not because it’s unsatisfying and you don’t get to technically win. Not every game needs to end on a positive note, just because you work for it. Spec Ops: The Line had some of my favorite gut-punch endings in a game.

But the takeaway is just bad, for either ending.

Either you walk away from Joseph at the end, and Jacob’s conditioning kicks in again, and you kill everyone you just saved, or randomly and completely out of bumbling nowhere, several nuclear warheads go off around the tristate area. And everyone you just saved dies in irradiated fire anyway.

What’s the takeaway here? That we should just let dangerous people get away with violent uprisings, because hey, who knows, they may actually have been right all along?

The nuclear ending especially is just bad writing. It’s a twist out of left field meant to shock, and take you by surprise, but only because there’s nothing to indicate it’s going to happen. It’s trying, and failing, to ape the nuke scene from the first Modern Warfare game. But that scene was the dramatic release after an entire level’s worth of building tension regarding the bomb which was mentioned earlier. Of which said established tension, there’s simply none here.

Each region even caps off with you burning out the cult’s various bomb shelters. Only to find out, what? That you should’ve given up and let them kill and maim and steal all they like, so you could huddle down next to them in their bunkers? All because some uninformed zealot who doesn’t even sound like he’s actually looked at a bible lately made a lucky guess?

No thanks.

Instead of inspiring shock and awe, the ending feels random and nonsensical. Once again destroying any coherency the overall tone the game could’ve had. Is this supposed to be a fun, silly game to be enjoyed with a beer or a friend? 

Or a serious and somber game where you face the deepest human fear of all: how people manage to justify overt acts of pure evil as “the right thing?”

All in all, Far Cry 5 is like a cheap burger from a fast-food joint. The taste is fine and it’ll tide you over, but it’s probably not very good for you. And you can’t help but think about how much better it looks in the pictures on the menu.