#incredibly how like the scientist is like ...fine with the invader ?

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Devil And An Angel

Wanda X Natasha X Reader 18+

Summary: During one of Tony's parties, both of your girlfriends tease you and try to tempt you into giving into your sinful desires.

Warnings/Tags: Smut 18+ MDNI, Threesome, Strap-ons, Fingering, Oral sex, Double Penetration, Dirty talk, Praise, Squirting, Dom Natasha/Switch Wanda/Switch Reader, Brief Aftercare.

General Masterlist

“Are you really not going to tell me?” you complain, looking between both your girlfriends with a small pout.

“You’ll find out soon enough Kotenok,” Natasha coos, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. You smiled at the action before remembering how you were supposed to be acting grumpy.

“But why can’t I know now?” they laugh at how eager you are to find out what they are going to wear. Tony had decided to throw a party tonight, every couple/relationship must dress up as something together to change it up a bit and have some fun. The problem was, your two girlfriends were reluctant to tell you what they were dressing up as and assured you that anything you wore would be fine.

“Because it’s a surprise,” Wanda says while wrapping her arms around your middle and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Now go and get ready and we’ll meet you at the party.” Grumbling, you left to go and get ready, imagining what they could have installed for you.

When you arrived at the party you had to give Tony his dues, the party looked amazing and it was a brilliant idea to have people dress up. You looked around trying to figure out what people were meant to be, smiling at how much effort everyone had put in. Steve and Bucky had dressed up as people from the 1940s, their old fashioned clothing probably from their youth. Peter and MJ were dressed as mad scientists, Peter fluffing his hair up to look crazy and constantly checking to see if it was alright, much to MJ’s amusement. Clint looked so done with the whole party despite it just starting, dressed up in a Santa costume that was from when he pretended to be the jolly man at Christmas for his children. Laura wore an elf hat and a simple dress that suited her, but she was too busy trying not to laugh at her husband. Tony and Pepper just looked incredible, their theme most likely meant to scream money and wealth.

Suddenly, you felt two people lean on your shoulders, their different perfumes invading your senses as you turned to look at them. On your left was Natasha who was dressed in a tight red dress that left little to the imagination, devil horns sticking out of her fiery red hair, black, smokey eyeshadow making her eyes pop and a sinister smirk on her face. Wanda was on your right, dressed in a white, flowy dress with a gold halo in her hair, a soft look on her face compared to Natasha. You chuckled at them, dressed as a Devil and an Angel on each of your shoulders.

“You both look beautiful,” the compliment causes them both to smile at you, the two of them having a turn to compliment your choice of clothing as well. You leaned in to give Wanda a kiss, innocent and sweet, and then turned to Natasha who had no shame in sliding her tongue into your mouth, a small moan escaping you at the action.

“Don’t be tempted by her,” Wanda whispered in your ear, her voice soft while her arm interlocked with yours. “Or there will be no reward later.” You stifled the noise that wanted to come out and just watched as Natasha winked at you before walking off.

Wanda and yourself followed behind and you had to try your hardest to not drift your gaze lower on Natasha’s back. The three of you ended up on a sofa talking with Steve and Bucky, them rambling on about a story from their past while you three nodded along. You were paying attention until Natasha moved closer, her mouth on your ear as her breath tickled the side of your face.

“Do you know how hard I want to fuck you right now?” she purred quietly, “Have you trembling with pleasure as I thrust my fingers deep inside you? Or even better, my cock.” You groan at her words, low enough that no one other than Natasha could hear, making her smirk in victory as she works you up. Her hand grips your thigh, squeezing the skin and moving up higher teasingly before drifting down to rest on your knee. “I could have you coming in my mouth right now in that bathroom,” her gaze travels to the ladies room on the other side of the room, your eyes following as they darken with lust. “Come on, let's have some fun,” she bites down on your ear while no one looks before pulling away and giving you a predatory look that sends another wave of arousal through you, your panties definitely soaked as you clench your thighs together.

After a few moments, Natasha excuses herself to the toilets, her eyes staying trained on you as she gets up and starts to walk away. You remember Wanda’s earlier words and reluctantly stay still in your seat. You know this is a test, Natasha staying true to her outfit and trying to get you to sin with her, give into her temptation and end up with a punishment equivalent to hell. That however doesn’t make it any easier as you suffer with the results of her dirty words and teasing.

You don’t realise that Steve and Bucky had left, leaving you alone with Wanda as Natasha waits out in the bathroom to see if you crack. Her touches are far more innocent that Natasha’s, her hands interlocking with yours, her thumb running over the back of your hand.

“You’re being such a good girl,” she whispers, the praise making you whine slightly. “I bet you’re so wet for us both right now,” your eyes widen at her words, not expecting her to be in on the teasing.

“I thought angels were supposed to be innocent and pure,” you say, hoping she’d stop the torment. She just lets out a low chuckle and smiles at you, making you nervous for what else was to come.

“The devil was an angel once,” she comments, her voice raspy and sultry, “Who says we can’t be tempted as well.” Her hand goes to your thigh, scratching through your clothing and even going as far as your inner thigh near your core to draw invisible patterns. Your breathing hitches and you bite your lip to stop yourself from saying anything.

Soon Natasha returns, having given up waiting for you, and takes her seat to your left again. She notices the prominent blush on your cheeks and how your hand is gripping the cushion of the sofa, knuckles almost turning white.

“So Y/n,” Natasha starts, drawing your attention away from Wanda’s hand on your leg, “Are you enjoying the party?” you go to answer her question but your breathing stops when your thoughts change.

You’re tied to the bed while Natasha roughly kisses your lips, pulling out moan after moan as her tongue explores the roof of your mouth. Her hands grope at your chest, pinching and pulling at your nipples causing sighs to leave your lips. Wanda was in between your thighs, looking up at you with an innocent look, and licked a stripe up your core, her tongue gathering the wetness that was dripping out of you.

“It’s rude to ignore people,” the spy moves closer to you, her chest pressed up against your shoulder as she talks into your ear. “I’ll ask you one more time,” You look over to Wanda who has a sly grin on her face before Natasha grabs your attention again by sucking on your neck, “Are you enjoying the party?”

“Yes,” is all you could manage out in a breathless whisper, mind clouded with arousal and desire as both women relentlessly tease you.

“Are you sure?” Wanda whispers in your other ear, the hand that was teasing your inner thighs moving to drag her fingers over your clothed pussy under your dress, the fabric soaked with your arousal. “Because I'm sure there are more exciting things we could be doing,” you stifle a moan when she starts to circle your clit through your panties and move your hand to sit on top of hers.

“I just want to be good,” your whine has them both grinning, “I’ll do anything you want me to, just please let me be good for you.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, Natasha drags you away towards the elevator to get to your shared apartment, Wanda quickly on your tail.

Once you reach the bedroom, Natasha immediately straddles you on the bed, her mouth descending onto yours as she roughly kisses you and slips her tongue into your mouth. The whole thing is hot, her hands tugging your hair to pull moans out of you, her tongue tracing the roof of your mouth while her hips grind down harshly onto yours as she uses you for her own pleasure for the moment. Instinctively, your hands go to her waist, guiding her movements as she ruts against you.

“Fuck,” she rasps out as you both pull away breathless, Wanda unzipping the spy’s dress as she climbs off your lap and passionately kisses the witch. You watch in awe as their tongues fight for dominance, hands roaming freely across each other's body as they undress each other. You can’t move, frozen on the spot as bare skin is exposed to you, Natasha’s red dress dropping to the floor while Wanda’s is pulled over her head and discarded carelessly somewhere. They wear lingerie matching their outfits, Natasha wearing a black and red lace set while Wanda has a gold and white one on.

“Enjoying the show?” Wanda teases, swaying her hips as they both crawl onto the bed to join you. Her lips crash to yours, nothing innocent about her now as her hands rid you of your clothes. Natasha is now behind you, her chest pressing into your back while she bites at your neck, littering you with purple and red marks and sighing wantonly against your ear to make you shudder. Wanda’s hands cup your breasts unceremoniously as you revel in the pleasure, her running her fingers over your hardened nipples and tugging playfully. You lean your head back onto Natasha who moves to nibble on your ear, her hand coming up to rest on your throat, a pitiful moan escaping you.

“Don’t worry Kotenok,” She purrs, “You’ll get what you want soon.” You can feel her smirking into your skin as your hips buck at the contact of her knee slotting between your legs. “But first Wanda has a question, Don’t you Wands?” Her green eyes snap over to the witch who pulls back from the sloppy kiss with you, her cheeks flushed and eyes darkening.

“How do you feel about you and Nat fucking me at the same time?” she whispers against your lips and your eyes widen at the question.

“Fuck that would be hot,” you sigh out, imagining Wanda in between you and the spy as you pound into her from both sides. “Are you sure you want that?” She bites her lip at you sultrily and nods her head before moving forwards to press her lips back to yours.

“On your back baby,” she husks out between kisses and you move away from them both to lay on your back near the top of the bed. Wanda kisses down your body, licking over the marks Natasha made soothingly before ghosting her hot breath over your nipples and then kissing your inner thighs that were slick with your desire for them. “I’m going to give you your reward for being so good for us,” Her breath fans over your core, your hips bucking at the feeling which causes her to place a strong hand on your hip to keep you still. She licks through your folds, her tongue swirling around your clit while her free hand moves to be near your entrance. Her fingers gather your wetness before she thrusts two fingers straight into you, your back arching off the bed as you let out a guttural moan. Her mouth sucks at your clit while she pumps her fingers into you, your hands fisting in her hair as she eats you out

Moans pour out of your mouth when she curls her fingers and you almost scream when you feel her moan into you loudly. Your eyes wander away from the brunette between your thighs and to the redhead behind her. You hear a click of a bottle and assume she’s used some lube to ease one of her fingers into Wanda’s tight hole and let her get used to the feeling and stretch. Wanda’s face moves to kiss at your thigh for a moment, trying to get used to the feeling of something in her ass before continuing to reward you. You softly stroke her hair and let her take her time and watch as Natasha moves to have Wanda sit on her face, her finger slowly stretching her tight hole out.

The room then fills with your moans and Wanda’s muffled ones as Natasha brings her close to coming and manages to work her up to having three fingers pumping in and out of her ass. Your legs tighten around Wanda’s face as you come with a scream, body spasming with pleasure as you ride out your high grinding against the witches mouth. She follows soon after, clenching around Natasha’s fingers and tongue as she screams into you, biting down on your inner thigh to muffle the scream. The feeling was painful but also pleasurable and you’re certain you're going to have a dark mark there later on.

Natasha moves from under her, not wanting to overstimulate her, and carefully pulls her fingers out. You pull Wanda up your body, peppering kisses over her face as she tries to steady her breathing.

“You did so well for us,” you praise, still breathless from your own mind blowing orgasm as you talk to her. She hums in response and slowly kisses you, the taste of yourself on her tongue making you moan into her mouth. “Are you still up for us both?” you whisper against her lips, your hands stroking her back as she presses her body weight onto you.

“Yeah,” she murmurs back and you see Natasha move to get the strap ons before lubing them both up so it doesn't hurt her.

“Remember your safewords?” Natasha asks while Wanda gets off you so you can put the harness on.

“Green for ok, Yellow for slow down and Red for Stop,” Natasha smiles at Wanda softly then pecks her lips and helps guide her to hover above your plastic cock. Your hands move the tip of the toy to rub against her clit teasing before letting her sink down onto it. She moans lewdly as her hips meet yours and slowly starts to rock back and forth. She braces her arms next to your head and moans into a kiss as you thrust up into her gently, her hips starting a rhythm with yours.

Natasha soon has her harness on and moves to kneel behind Wanda while her hands slow her movements down. You whisper comforting words to the brunette, checking if she’s still ok by asking her for a colour, as Natasha slowly pushes the head of the toy into her ass, a loud gasp leaving the witch as she screws her eyes shut. You’re both patient as you let Wanda adjust to the toy, Natasha soon having the whole toy inside her and letting the pain fade to pleasure.

Experimentally, Wanda moves forwards slightly then pushes back, a low groan escaping her as she enjoys the feeling of Natasha and yourself deep inside her. Natasha starts a gentle pace of thrusting in and out of her while you swallow her moans with your mouth and thrust your hips up into her. Soon Wanda starts to move in time with you both, as soon as you pull out, Natasha pushes in and vice versa and her moans become louder.

“Fuck,” she moves to lean backwards against Natasha, who wraps a firm hand around her middle to keep her upright, while your hand moves to circle her clit. “Harder,” She sighs out, the two of you listening and increasing the force at which you pump your hips into her. “Faster,” the sound of skin slapping echoes around the room as you pound into her from underneath and Natasha snaps her hips against her. Wanda’s breasts bounce with each thrust and her legs start to shake as she nears her orgasm. “Please, I’m so close, don't stop,” begs tumble out her mouth as her hips move frantically between the two of you.

With a loud scream, liquid gushes out of her around your cock as she comes, her hips stuttering as her hands grip behind her onto Natasha to stop her body from collapsing forwards. You both slow down your thrusts as she rides out her high, her legs spasming around you while her hands fall off the spy to rest on your chest while she pants for breath. Natasha kisses along her neck and back while she calms down and when you see her wince at the feeling of being so full, you motion for Natasha to slowly pull out. She whines at the motion and soon moves off your lap to lay on the bed next to you.

You quickly discard the harness while Natasha moves to the bathroom to start a bath for you three and pull the witch close to you to murmur praise to her. Her body naturally moves towards you, her face tucked into your neck as she tries to fall asleep, her body exhausted from coming so hard. When Natasha returns, you carry her to the bath and gently lower her in and climb in behind her so she can lean back into your embrace. Natasha also climbs in, helping clean Wanda off and start her aftercare before quickly washing herself from any sweat.

“Are you ready for bed milaya?” Natasha murmurs into the witch’s hair after placing a soft kiss. She nodded back sleepily and the spy helped her dry off before taking her to bed. You quickly drain the tub and dry off yourself before joining them in bed. Wanda curls her body into Natasha but when she feels your presence next to her, she moves her hand back in search of yours and she places it around her middle. You smile at her drowsy actions and kiss them both goodnight before drifting off to sleep.

[anissapierce]

They absolutely did. Also vivisections for science and fun. Also, Consentional hypno

ima see new daffy duck movie tomorrow. naturally i am overjoyed.

[geminimoon14]

Sanders Sides Space AU Part 2

It took Remus and Janus no time to settle into a routine with the crew of the USS Sanders. There was no surprise amongst the crew when Remus was revealed to be directly related to Roman, though it was convenient to be able to report the former’s antics to the Captain directly. Fortunately, Janus and Remus were successfully incorporated into the crew with hardly a problem.

Virgil was walking by Logan’s office, ready to deliver Roman’s research request when he overheard, “You drink POISON!” Virgil rushed in, ready to call up Dr. Patton for an emergency treatment when he saw Logan calmly sipping from his mug. 

Remus’s eyes were wide in admiration as he exclaimed, “Dren! I didn’t know you could do that!” Virgil rolled all four of his eyes as Logan continued looking over a report and drinking from his mug. The Araneus held out a small disc to the Human and informed him, “Princey wants some info on the fauna of Dronter. Something about toxic blood?” 

Logan took the disc and scanned the information before replying, “Very well, let the captain know he should have the information in a few microns.” Virgil nodded, ready to leave when Remus asked, “Did you know he could drink poison? Deathworlders are incredible!”

Before Virgil could ask, Logan sighed and told the other, “For the last time, coffee is not toxic! It helps my general awareness!” Virgil went rigid as he exclaimed, “You WHAT!” His hand went to his communicator as he called Patton and shrieked, “Emergency! Logan drank coffee, nearly a half a mug! We need help now!”

Logan had no time to protest as Patton responded, “I’m on my way! Get him to lay down to slow its course!” The scientist tried to speak but was pulled onto the floor of his office before he could register. Logan huffed and folded his arms across his chest as he waited for Virgil to focus enough that he could help. 

Remus seemed on edge as Virgil’s panic spiraled. Just as it seemed to be getting worse, Logan’s voice called out, “Virgil! In for four.” The Araneus froze at the order and took Logan’s hand as the Human repeated, “In for four...“ Virgil struggled for a moment before inhaling as Logan counted and continued speaking, “Good. Hold for seven… Breath out for eight... Now do it again. In for four…”

Patton arrived just as Virgil started to calm and loaded Logan onto the gurney. Still holding Virgil’s hand, Logan glared and told the medic, “I. Am. Fine! Coffee is not going to kill me.” Patton placed his hands on Logan’s temple and scanned his mind for abnormalities. Logan sighed as he asked, “Is this like the capsaicin thing again?” 

Remus looked to a medical assistant as they revealed, “Human’s purposely eat things that make their mouths feel like they’re burning.” Remus turned back in time to hear Patton ask, “You’ve been drinking that stuff every day!” 

From the gurney, Logan casually checked the time and replied, “Humans drink it as a way to heighten their focus when tired, some to the point of addiction. I utilize it as a way to help my mind prepare itself for early morning cognitive function. I was not aware it was toxic to other species.” Virgil seemed to become a little more anxious as he exclaimed, “Your species and literally eat a deadly poison and all you get from it is a little boost of energy!” Logan nodded along, finally allowed to sit up and slide off the gurney as he remarked, “That seems to be correct, yes.”

Virgil huffed and walked away as he shouted, “Frelling Humans! Never know what’s gonna kill you!” Logan seemed perplexed by the proclamation but shrugged and went back to his desk. Patton pulled up Logan’s medical file on his Holowatch and made a few adjustments on the projection, muttering about heart attacks.

After the incident, Remus stuck around Logan more often than not. Crew members would often find him following Logan with questions about Deathworlders or the study he was involved in. The Human would usually answer to the best of his abilities, not one for discouraging learning and study.

It was only a problem when he asked these questions in public. Such as the infamous question asked in the cafeteria: “Is it true that your mouth bones fall out and grow back?” Everyone in the vicinity had shuddered and fully freaked out when Logan answered, “Yes, we lose our baby teeth when our adult teeth grow in.” 

There was a loss of appetite so sudden that Patton and the other medics had worried an epidemic was sweeping through the ship. When he heard about the incident, Roman ordered Logan to only answer Remus’s questions in private and for Remus to stop asking Deathworlder questions in public. His brother pouted but Roman was steadfast in his decision.

There was no surprise when Remus made it a point to ask the questions while in the Command Center in front of his brother. Logan found it difficult to not answer his curiosities, especially when he would purposefully spout incorrect facts in an effort to get the Human to answer. 

As the only Human on board meant that Logan had to answer all the questions the crew put forth, the reason he had been sent on this voyage was to act as a source of information to his crew on the habits of Humans. 

Being labeled a Deathworlder only proved to further Remus’s interest and most of the crew was protective of their Human. Logan had been fairly awkward in his interactions but the crew had found his honest attempts to learn their cultural behaviors endearing. 

He taught himself Virgil’s language after the security officer had forgotten galactic common in the midst of an anxiety attack. When he learned that Emparas were a touch-oriented species, he had routinely offered Patton hugs at regular intervals and drew the crew’s attention to his need. The scientist had personally saved Captain Roman’s life by mocking an invader to divert his attention from the captain’s struggle to maintain shape under stress; one blast while destabilized would have killed him.

There had been a particular incident which had firmly solidified their need to protect the Human. Unlike most species onboard, the average Human could only hold their breath for a maximum of two minutes; Logan could only hold his breath for a few seconds.

They had landed badly on a planet's ocean and the lower decks had been flooded. No one had been too concerned until Logan, caught in the flooding when he had gone to speak with Virgil, started thrashing desperately. Thankfully, Virgil’s quick reaction had gotten the Human to air quickly.

Janus allowed Logan to look him over with Patton’s aid despite his previous experiences with scientists. Logan had been careful to telegraph his movements and inform Janus what he was doing every step of the way. The hybrid appreciated his efforts, especially when Logan would inform him of his findings and check in that a test was alright.

Together, Patton and Logan had discovered that Janus would have difficulty thermoregulating and scheduled time for him to lounge beneath a makeshift sun-lamp. They also found that his DNA was Human spliced with a reptilian species not local to Earth. 

Logan’s prodding did make Janus a little uncomfortable but it was always done with explicit consent and awareness of the details of the tests to prevent unwanted surprises. Janus seemed even more comfortable with Remus in the room, which was allowed with the promise that he did not not interfere. That promise did not stop Remus from asking questions that made Patton squirm uncomfortably and make him glow purple in embarrassment.

As a result, the crew had become extremely protective of their fragile but strong Deathworlder. Sometimes, crew members would drop by to check in on him or to remind him of personnel meetings when he was distracted. 

Even though the USS Sanders was a science ship dedicated to the exploration and discovery of new lifeforms, it did still have protective measures for emergencies. Such as when space pirates boarded.

Logan grunted as the leader of the mercenaries knocked him to the floor. His wrists were cuffed behind his back and a boot pinned him down. Virgil hissed as they trained their weapons on the scientist, only staying where he was because of how many weapons were trained on the others.

A hand grabbed a fistful of Logan’s hair and a voice hissed, “A Human, huh? There’s a big market for these, especially fighters.” Logan’s face remained impassive as he remarked, “I doubt I would be worth much.” The invader shrugged as they commented, “Not like I’d care. C’mon Deathworlder.”

Logan winced as the alien hauled him to his feet by his hair. Roman struggled to stand, a head wound sluggishly bleeding from the impact of the pirate’s ship firing at them. A pirate used the butt of their rifle to knock the captain down. Patton wrapped his arms around Roman, hiding his face behind the captain.

Janus stayed hidden behind debris, looking like a body crushed during impact. They had kicked his boot, unaware that Janus had only been battered by the force, and determined him to be a casualty of their boarding. 

The leader of the mercenaries kept his hand in Logan’s hair and started towards the exit of the command center as he told the crew, “If anyone follows us, we’ll kill the Human. We got enough to keep us happy that we wouldn’t mind losing this piece.” He placed the barrel of his pistol against the scientist’s temple in demonstration.

Virgil let out a low hiss but stayed where he was as the leader ordered, “Start moving, Deathworlder.” Logan lurched as he was pushed into the corridor and forced to walk away from his friends. Roman tried to sit up but his mind was more focused on maintaining his form while the pirates walked away.

Patton tried to concentrate on locating the damage but found his mind straying as he cursed under his breath. Virgil jumped at the profanity before looking around the command center. Janus was slowly coming around, another crew member helping him sit up, and Patton was tending to Roman. The Araneus made a mental tally, trying to recall who he had seen during the raid before asking, “Has anyone seen Remus?”

Logan tried to stave off the panic trying to creep in as he realised the likelihood of his crew rescuing him in their condition was low. The leader grinned as he muttered, “A Human! And out here of all places! We’re gonna be rich!” Logan bit his lip to stay quiet as the pistol prodded his spine in a silent warning.

There was a choked off sound to the left and the gun against Logan’s back pressed harder against him. One of the pirates was no longer there, along with several others. The leader wrapped one of their four arms across Logan’s chest and jammed the pistol under his chin. Logan let out a grunt as his face was forced up to accommodate the weapon under his chin.

While the mercenaries searched the walls for their allies, Logan’s eyes found a familiar slime that coated the ceiling of the corridor. A pair of eyes surfaced for a moment to send the Human a wink before vanishing back into the mass. Logan kept his breathing steady as the leader called out, “I’m not frelling kidding, I’ll kill him!”

A set of tendrils wrapped around another pirate and he vanished into the shadows of the corridor, the eeriness increased by the damage done to the electrical system when the raiders arrived. 

The other three remaining mercenaries tightened into a defensive circle as their leader proclaimed, “Show yourself or I’ll blow his frelling brains out! One... “ 

The one behind the leader was silent as they were pulled into the shadows on the floor.

“Two... “

The one on the right was yanked to the wall and coated in the slime on the ceiling.

“Three... “

A muffled scream to their left drew the leaders attention away long enough for Remus to slide down the wall in front of them. 

Remus wrapped his hand around the barrel of the pistol and tore it away from the pirate’s hand. The pistol went flying as Remus’s tentacles wrapped around Logan and pulled him away from the pirate. Hands wrapped themselves around the leader’s throat as Remus assumed his humanoid form, tentacles obscuring and protecting Logan, and spat, “Not so fun being the prisoner is it!”

Logan could hear shrieks and growls but Remus’s tentacles kept him from seeing anything. The noises continued for a few moments before everything went quiet. Logan squirmed a little, shoulders aching from the prolonged position the cuffs held his arms in, but sat and waited for Remus to finish the fight.

“Remus?” Logan called, “Can you let me go?” There was a beat but the tentacles slowly withdrew as Remus felt Logan for injuries. Logan smiled as Remus pulled out a familiar code lock and pressed it against the cuff’s scanner. As soon as he was free, Logan rubbed his wrists to work feeling back into them. Remus helped Logan roll his shoulders and ease the ache from how he had been pushed around.

 From around the corner, they heard Virgil yell, “Remus! Did you get him?!” Remus sighed as he called back, “Yep, the nerd’s safe!” Close behind the security officer was Patton, freckles a bright yellow and a scared look on his face.

Patton kneeled next to Logan on the floor and examined his wrists, glow turning red at the marks from the cuffs, while Remus spoke with Virgil. As they exchanged information, Patton focused on wrapping Logan’s wrists and looking him over. He noted the faint mark beneath his chin but realised it would fade. 

Once he was sure that Logan’s wounds were treated properly, the Empara wrapped the Human in a hug. Logan jolted as Patton exclaimed, “Thank Nara you’re okay! I thought they were going to sell you and Roman was hurt and they had a gun pointed at your head!” Logan soothingly ran his fingers through Patton’s hair, careful to avoid his antennae.

Remus sighed as he told Virgil, “ I honestly wanted to tie their insides in a knot but I didn’t want to do it in front of Logan.” Virgil nodded as Remus pointed to all the spots he had shoved unconscious pirates, mostly holes in the walls caused by impact damage. Virgil tried very hard to keep amusement from showing up on his face but, based on Remus’s proud expression he had failed.

Crew members hauled the invaders from their hiding spots and placed them in specimen cages for lack of a better containment center. One of the crewmates in Command had sent a distress call to the local authorities, who had signaled their approach. 

Logan allowed Patton to carry him to Medbay himself, obviously upset about the experience and Logan was not unwilling to let himself be held. However, the Human was not looking forward to Virgil hovering to reassure himself that Logan was safe or Patton’s need to oversee his recovery.

Roman was sitting up in one of the beds waiting for them, in spite of Patton’s order for him to rest. He saw the scientist allowing the medic to carry him and let out a sigh of relief. Virgil, always willing to help Patton with difficult patients, pushed Roman back against his pillows and scolded him. Roman retorted with something that Logan did not catch because Patton was fussing with his bed.

He reclined onto the pillows, letting out a satisfied groan when a tense muscle released, and listened as Virgil reprimanded, “I don’t care if your Faera healing is still working! If Patton says rest, you rest!” He heard Roman scoff as he countered, “Like you should be resting because we both know you’re about to freak out!”

“I’ll be fine! Just lay back down!”

“Not until you start your breathing exercises!”

“You are literally in no shape to be ordering me around!” 

“I will do what I have to if it means my crew will be alright!”

“You’re barely maintaining your form!”

“That doesn’t matter right now. Sit down and breathe!”

He heard someone, most likely Virgil, inhale to deliver a counterargument when Patton cut in, “Both of you take a breather! Virgil, you sit with Roman and Roman if you don’t rest right now I swear to Nara I will use my power!” They both went quiet and Logan only just managed to smother a laugh as Virgil sat next to Roman, who instantly settled against the pillows.

A few minutes later, Remus walked in and dropped himself on Roman’s bed without a word. Roman cringed a little but moved over to make room as his brother wrapped his arms around him. Virgil smirked, clearly about to tease, but jumped when Remus’s tentacles laid themselves over Roman.

Patton smiled as he cooed, “Aww, so it is a Faera thing.” Roman glared but did nothing to remove his brother. Patton moved to a different bed and spoke in low tones to one of the other medics. After a hushed conversation, Patton returned and informed them, “Janus is alright, just a little tired and in his room now. A lot of people were injured but I think we didn’t lose anyone, thank goodness.” 

He turned to Logan and said, “A few of the staff wanted me to tell you they’re glad you’re okay.” The medic shifted his gaze over to Roman as he added, “Remy said you’re an idiot but thanks.” 

Logan recalled the officer as the one wearing a special visor to prevent their ability from affecting anyone. Officer Remy Sono worked in security under Virgil but recalled him as one of the best. Logan remembered that Remy had been in command when the pirates boarded. The insults he had spat at the leader was quite impressive, if a bit foolish. Logan would hate to think what could have happened if Roman had not drawn the pirates’ focus onto him.

He was drawn back to the present when he heard Roman reply, “You can tell him not to frelling mouth off at pirates like that and then he can call me an idiot.” From across the room they heard a voice call out, “Fight me you hingemot!” They started laughing as Roman called back, “You’d lose that fight, Officer Sono!” 

There was laughter from the medical staff and a few conscious patients as Remy held his hand up in a gesture that made Patton gasp and scold, “There’ll be no using that hand sign if you don’t want me to confiscate that poison you’ve been drinking!” Remy let out a whine as Logan protested, “Coffee is not poisonous to everyone, please stop talking about it like that!” 

There was more laughter as patients and staff began mocking the coffee drinkers in the room, both of them pretending to have gone to sleep to avoid the teasing. Eventually they relented when Roman remarked, “If you can mock our poison drinkers, you can get back to fixing the ship. Unless you want me to put Virgil in charge.” 

The Araneus grinned at them and laughed at their horrified expressions. The crew returned to their tasks while their Captain, Head of Security, and Lead Scientist rested. The pirates were picked up a few minutes after Roman had finally fallen asleep. 

Remus had pulled Virgil into the embrace with his brother while sleeping so the latter had no choice but to stay. Logan snickered loudly at the panicked expression when the tentacles had pulled Virgil on top of their captain. When Patton was not looking Virgil threw Logan the same gesture Remy had used earlier. The scientist smiled, almost smug, before settling in for a nap, thankful to still be on the USS Sanders and safe in Medbay.

[radioromantic-moved]

how about trexel !!

ty bing!! acrostic for the Bitch Ass Motherfucker Himself

T - Teach - what skills of theirs would they teach you? what would you teach them? he teaches me how to break into places and how to make a molotov cocktail. i teach him emotions and vulnerability and also a lot of fun facts about weird historical events and old cartoons.

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why? he's a trans flag :) a LOT of people associate him with pinks and blues just because it feels like his energy. nearly all of my friends in the sf fandom have blue hair‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎in pink suit or pink hair‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎in blue suit. sf is a very Blue place because sci fi is a Blue thing in my mind. and trex likes pink because he can be a little (a lot) gnc as a treat. also like. neon colors on a black background like a bowling alley carpet reminds me of him too.

E - Emotion - is your f/o open with their feelings or do they keep them close to their chest? HAHAHAHAHAHA‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎has not had a Normal Person Feeling since childhood and he's perfectly fine that way. when he starts sympathizing with david in late season 3 he starts feeling sick immediately and has to leave the room. emotions ICKY for him he doesn't LIKE them

X - Xeno - alien AU - which one of you is the extraterrestrial who’s been captured for research and which one of you is the caring scientist/worker who decides to break them out? i have two routes this could go based on the crossover i want to use. because‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎is incredibly similar to zim (the invader) in personality, source material and closest friend so i think it would be really funny if he was an irken like in iz who gets assigned to invade a planet and it goes badly. i help him because he's sort of pathetic and doesn't seem like he can cause any actual trouble and also because he yells at me to help him all the time. there's another thing i think about sometimes that involves david‏‏‎ ‎and‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎and co. as workers at the scp‏‏‎ ‎foundation‏‏‎ ‎which would make me an scp but i like the irken version better.

L - Language - what’s their love language? what’s yours? i was thinking about this question and then i realized the 2-part fic i wrote about cytrex falling for each other (cringe!!) answers this question incredibly well on its own...trexel's‏‏‎ ‎love language is quality time. there aren't a lot of people he likes being around who can also stand to be around him, so he ends up hanging around them a lot when they don't immediately push him away. we see it in canon with his "drinking buddies" and with david, who he continues to follow around even when they're temporarily free from their consultancy positions because he feels lost without having them around. cyril's love language is acts of service--they're the kind of person who likes doing stuff for others without asking for a lot in return, but sometimes it backfires when they end up putting the needs of others before their own. they try to get around this by only caring about like 3 people but then uh oh! whoopsie! feelings time! you have a found family now dumbass <3

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (144/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: This story takes place about 1000 years before 66 years after the events of Dragon Ball Z.

  [3 November, Age 762.   Earth.]  

"Luffa!   Can you hear me?   This is Trunks, calling from the Time Nest!"  

"I was wondering when you'd call," Luffa said.   "I was starting to wonder if this earpiece you gave me got damaged while I was fighting Nappa."

"You did fine with him," Trunks said.   "Gohan and Krillin survived, so history is back on course, but your mission isn't over yet.   My father... Vegeta, he's still possessed by that purple energy.    You'll have to help Goku defeat him to finish the job."    

"Help him?" Luffa asked.    She had been standing on a rock formation for several minutes, observing their battle from a respectful distance.  "First of all, Kakarot seems to be doing just fine on his own.   Second, I wouldn't think of dishonoring him by interfering in his battle.     That goes for your father, too.   We may be enemies in this situation, but we're all Saiyans here."    

"Luffa, you don't understand.   Someone already interfered in this battle by altering history.    Our job is to balance the scales and put things back to normal.    I understand that you don't like the idea of double-teaming an opponent, but it's the only way to restore the timeline."

Luffa didn't budge.    Overhead, Son Goku and Vegeta were battling through the air, and their blows sounded like thunderclaps whenever they connected.    

"You weren't kidding about Kakarot's training in the afterlife," Luffa said.    She pulled a chunk of Saibaman out of her pocket and took a bite while she watched.     "He's improved a lot since Raditz.   It looks like he leapfrogged Nappa while he was at it.    And without Nappa to get in the way, your dad shouldn't be too much trouble."

"You're wrong," Trunks said, his voice growing more desperate.     "Luffa, I know how this battle is supposed to play out.    My father has an ace in the hole.    You must have noticed by now.   He's got a tail, but Goku doesn't!"

"So what?" Luffa asked.   "He'd need the light of Earth's full moon to transform into a giant ape, and the sun hasn't even gone down yet!"

"He doesn't need the moon!" Trunks cried, "he can make his own--"

"Wait a minute," Luffa said before he could finish.   "What the hell is he doing up there?"

High above, Vegeta was ranting and raving about how he was willing to destroy the entire planet to win his fight with Goku.   Luffa could sense his energy building, and he brought his hands together on the left side of his chest.   At the same time, she could sense Goku increasing his own ki to prepare a countermeasure.   But this climactic struggle wasn't what had Luffa's attention.    She floated up into the air to get a better look at Vegeta's posture.  

"Luffa, you've got to do something!" Trunks pleaded through the earpiece.   "Goku barely managed to deflect this attack before, but with that dark energy multiplying my father's power, he won't stand a chance!"

But she wasn't listening to him anymore.     All around her, the skies trembled from the intensity of power Goku and Vegeta were preparing to fire at one another, but Luffa paid no attention to this either.   She simply flew straight towards Vegeta, and just as she reached him, he launched his attack.  

"Gallick Gun!" he screamed as he hurled a column of purple light down at the Earth below.   Goku responded in kind with his own energy beam, similar to the Gallick Gun, but clearly distinct.    Luffa ignored him completely.

"Hey!" she shouted at Vegeta.    "Are you making fun of me?!"

"Wh-what?!" Vegeta gasped as he finally noticed her approach.  

Luffa held up her hands to match Vegeta's pose.   "Don't screw with me, you royalist trash!   I never learned how to do the Galick Gun 'properly', and here you are imitating my style!    Right in front of me!"

"That's absurd!" Vegeta growled.    "This technique has been in my family for centuries!   I've never seen you before in my life.   Tch!   Why am I arguing with you at a time like this?   Who the hell are you?"

"Who am I?!   I'm the lady that's gonna tear you out of frame!"

"Begone, woman, before I--!   No!   No!"

It was this distraction that gave Goku the opening he needed.   Luffa sensed a sudden surge of ki energy from below, and Vegeta's Gallick Gun was  overwhelmed.   In mere moments, Vegeta found himself on the defensive, and finally he was engulfed in Goku's bright blue beam, which launched him higher and higher into the atmosphere.

"Damn youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Vegeta screamed.

Luffa watched him disappear into the stratosphere and extended the middle fingers of both hands to express her farewells.  

"O... okay?" said Trunks through the earpiece.  "I guess that's one way to do it."    

"So is that it?" Luffa said, finally responding to Trunks.   "Wait, is he supposed to die in this battle?    Were you born before or after this happened?"

"That isn't the problem!" Trunks said.    "He's going to roll off of that Kamehameha wave--"

"Kamayhammy-what?"

"The blast Goku just shot at him!" Trunks said.  

"Hey, don't get mad at me for not knowing all this stuff," Luffa shouted.    "You're the one who wanted me to beat up your dad."

"He's... going... to come back... and transform into a giant ape," Trunks insisted.    "You need to keep Goku alive until the others can help--"

"I keep telling you, he doesn't need any help," Luffa said.    "And neither do I.   After taking a hit like that, Vegeta won't have enough power left to... wait, what is that?"

Luffa's had once been the Legendary Super Saiyan, but her power had been severely limited after an incredible battle on Planet Nagaoka.    She had no idea whether this change was permanent, but she had resolved to carry on at least as far as she could to help Trunks.    But the problem was more than just a loss of power.    Whatever had happened to Luffa had also affected her ki perception as well.   And this was a more dangerous affliction, since she wasn't aware of it.     Vegeta rocketed back to the battlefield like a rogue comet, completely catching her off-guard.    

"You two bastards have pushed me far enough!" Vegeta roared.  "As much as the form disgusts me, I can't think of a better way to finish you than to crush you both as a giant ape!"

Luffa was surprised by his speedy return, but she recovered quickly.     "Nice try, idiot.    It'll be at least an hour before it's dark enough for the moonlight to work, and I can beat you into the ground long before then!"

"Moonlight?"  Goku asked.   Luffa knew little about the man, except that he had lived most of his life on Earth, cut off from Saiyan-kind.   She was beginning to suspect that didn't even know he was a Saiyan until his brother Raditz invaded.

"Oh, yes, you thought you were very clever, Kakarot." Vegeta snarled.   "You destroyed this planet's moon so we wouldn't be able to use it against you.    Too bad for you that I have other ways to transform."  

With that, Vegeta began to yell.   He raised his right hand over his head, and curled his fingers as though grasping at the air.    Then a globe of ki energy appeared in his hand, and he made a fiendish grin.  

"What the hell is he doing?" Luffa asked Trunks.   "He put a big chunk of his  ki into that, but he can't hit us both with one attack.   Is he trying to blow up the planet again?"  

"I already told you--" Trunks tried to explain, but Vegeta beat him to it.  

"Burst open and mix!" Vegeta shouted as he launched the energy ball into the sky.   Luffa expected it to explode, or to fly back down and attack either Goku or herself.    Instead, it diffused into the air, and a curious glow appeared...

"It's artificial moonlight!" Trunks shouted through the earpiece.   "If you look at it, you'll turn into a giant ape!"  

But Luffa already knew.   She could sense Vegeta's power rising as the Oozaru transformation took hold.   Nearby, Goku didn't change at all.   He had no tail, and he also seemed to have no idea what Saiyans could change this way.   As for Luffa herself, she could tell Trunks was still talking, and she could hear Vegeta gloating, but she couldn't make out the words over the pounding rhythm of her own heart.

Real or fake, the light Vegeta had created was all Luffa could see.     She could feel herself beginning to change.    It was that... tightness in her skin, the sensation that always seemed to come just before her body violently expanded in size.    Just like the last time.  

On Nagaoka.    

When her body nearly tore itself apart!

A chill ran through her entire body, and she made a strange noise that might have been described as a wail.   And then, just as she felt the effects of the moonlight taking hold, she shut her eyes tightly and averted her gaze.    She wasn't entirely sure of her actions.   It was like her body was acting without her.   Like dropping a hot potato before feeling the heat.    

"No!" she gasped.    "No!"  

"Luffa, what's happening out there?"  Trunks asked.  

"Nothing!    I'm fine!" Luffa lied.   She reached for the earpiece to remove it, or at least turn it off.   But her hands were trembling too badly for her to get a proper grip.   In her frustration, she fired a small ki blast at the side of her head and fried the device.    She smelled burnt hair and electronics, but not burnt flesh, so she was satisfied that she still had at least some control over herself.  

"It's all in your head, you coward!" she snarled as she tucked her hands under her shoulders.  It didn't help.   She was shaking all over now.   It wasn't just the Golden Ape transformation on Nagaoka that haunted her.    She found herself recalling the Tikosi Hiveworld as well.     There, the insectoid scientists of the Tikosi conducted cruel experiments on her.   One in particular was designed to trigger her Giant Ape transformation, only to cancel it partway.    They would turn her back and forth, or simply leave her suspended between forms.   She thought she had worked past that trauma, but Vegeta had proven otherwise.    

Not far away, she could sense Vegeta chasing after Son Goku.    Trunks had told her that the mission depended on her keeping him alive.     Instead, she found herself running in the other direction, desperate to get control over herself.    As she moved, she fired wildly in the direction of the false moon, but it didn't seem to do any good.     Vegeta's technique was a substitute for a genuine moon.    It only made sense that it couldn't be destroyed as easily as the real thing.   She crouched on the ground and cursed herself for lying down in a fetal position while she took stock of her situation.    

"Shouldn't have blasted my own ear like that," she grumbled between rapid breaths.    "But at least the other one still works.    And I can open my damn eyes as long as I keep my back to that light.    That's easy, right?   So why won't I open my eyes?    Oh, you know why not, dammit!   Dammit!"

She wished that her wife was here.    It had taken so long for her to go to Zatte when these episodes happened, and sometimes Luffa wasn't sure Zatte had been able to help much, but at least it had been better than gutting it out alone, and this was worse than just about any nightmare she'd had.   But Zatte was gone, maybe forever.    Just like Dr. Topsas, and all of her other friends, and her parents, and her son... And it wasn't difficult to blame herself for that situation.     She had been too weak, too afraid, and too unworthy, and so she had lost them all, one by one.    And now Trunks was learning that lesson just like everyone else.  All that mattered about her was the Super Saiyan, and that was over now.    Without that thing, she was nothing special, just a woman teetering on the brink of madness.  

Instinctively, she curled her tail between her legs, and felt its fur in her still-trembling hands.   In her darkest hours, Luffa had taken solace in her tail, both for the Saiyan pride it represented, and for the intensive effort she had put into training it as a child.    From a young age, she had believed that if she could overcome the weakness in her tail, she could rise above any other obstacle.   It was why she had taken such offense at Saiyans like King Rehval, who encouraged their people to amputate their tails.    She could hear Goku's agonized screams, even at this distance.    Vegeta had kept his tail, and it was clear which one of them had made the right decision.    

There was a simple solution to her problem.   Luffa could cut off her tail, here, and now, and then she could fight Vegeta without worrying about the fake moon.  It wouldn't be that difficult.   One sharp twist and it would all be over.   It would hurt, but she had suffered far worse pain in her short lifetime.    It would betray her Saiyan pride, but Luffa didn't have much of that left anymore.    Rehval had shown her just how despicable the Saiyan race could truly be, and Raditz had shown her that there were even lower depths they could sink to.    Was this why Goku and Trunks had no tail?   Had they learned the same painful lesson that Luffa was contemplating now?  

Goku's howls grew louder, and Luffa's fear began to give way to rage.   She wanted Vegeta to pay for this humiliation, and if mutilating herself got the job done, then maybe it was worth it.  And then she heard another scream.    

It was Vegeta.    She could barely sense any power from Goku at all, but he had used what little he had to fire a parting shot.    

"Hah!" she whispered through clenched teeth.    "Kakarot, you dog."

Luffa rose to her feet.    

*******

"My eye!    How dare you!" Vegeta roared.  

At the ape's feet, Goku lay broken and defeated, but still defiant.  

"Heh!    Somethin' for ya to remember me by," he gasped.    

Vegeta raised his massive paw to crush his enemy, but then he cried out in pain once again.    When he turned to see who had attacked him, he couldn't help but laugh.    

"You again!" he chuckled.    "And here I thought you had lost your will to fight, woman!    Maybe you have.   If you transformed yourself the way I have, then you might stand a chance.    But it looks like you've come here to die instead!"

Luffa pointed her hand at him, still keeping her eyes shut.   Her tail waved behind her back.   "I don't need the Oozaru form to beat you down, Vegeta," she said.    "Maybe I'll take out your other eye and finish what Kakarot started."

"You filthy scumbag!" Vegeta snarled.   "You dare to challenge me, but you're too frightened of the moonlight to even open your eyes!     When I'm through with you, I'll make what I did to Kakarot seem quick and painless!"

Luffa waved her hand to encourage him to attack.   "Kill me if you think you can kill me," she said darkly.   "It's your only chance."

He rushed towards her, just as Luffa expected him to.    The fear had not subsided, nor had the trembling in her body, but Luffa still had enough in her to keep the Giant Ape busy.   She dodged his blows, and while she couldn't see which of his eyes was injured, it was easy enough to deduce it from his movements.    Luffa made sure to stay on his blind side and fired as many ki blasts into his flank as she could muster.    

It wasn't about beating him.    She would if she could, but she knew the goal now had to be to stall him.    From Trunks' perspective, this battle was history, and it had already been fought and won without Luffa's involvement.    All she had to do was keep Vegeta too occupied to kill anyone that he wasn't supposed to.   All she had to do was counteract the dark energy that still churned inside of him.    Luffa could sense this on top of his Saiyan power, and she knew that this alien power was her true enemy.      

As she ducked and dodged, she fought to overcome her terror.    It was just like it had been with Nappa.   Each time he hit her, she felt herself getting stronger.   Against Vegeta, she doubted that she could survive many of his attacks, so she focused on mental strength instead.  Each blow he failed to land was a boost for her confidence.    

This was the wisdom she had gained from her tail.    This was why she couldn't cut it off, even now, when it made all the sense in the world.   As a little girl, she had forced herself to overcome her weakness.   Not all at once, like some brazen Super Saiyan smashing her way through entire armies, but one step at a time.    She would survive this Vegeta, and then she would overcome him, and then she would surpass him.     That was the way of her people.   Maybe they had all forgotten, but she still remembered.  

And she always would.

*******

[February 25, Age 850.   Toki Toki City.]

Luffa returned to the Time Nest victorious, but badly hurt.   In the unadulterated history, the fateful battle between Goku and Vegeta was a mismatch to begin with.   Between the dark energy amplifying Vegeta's strength, and Luffa's mysteriously diminished power, restoring the timeline had proven just as tricky.  

"I'm just glad that fat guy with the sword showed up when he did," Luffa grumbled as she wiped the blood off her face.   "Your dad's one stubborn bastard, that's for sure."

"I'm sorry.   I should have retrieved you from the time jump," Trunks said.   He reached out to help Luffa up off the floor.    

She nearly waved him off, but thought better of it and accepted his help.   It wasn't because she wanted it, but she suddenly realized how little she knew about Trunks, or this world he had dragged her into.   Helping him had been almost automatic for her, after years of diving headlong into adventures as a Super Saiyan, but the fight with Vegeta and Nappa had forced her to admit that those days were behind her, at least for the time being.   This new situation called for a more cautious approach.   She wasn't sure she could trust Trunks, but it might work to her favor to get him to think he could trust her.    

"Thanks," she said, hoping that it sounded sincere.  

"It's the least I can do," Trunks said.   "I wish I could join you on these missions, but I need to stay here in case I get a bead on whoever's behind this."  

"Don't worry about me," Luffa said.   "I may look pretty banged up, but I got a lot out of that last scrap just now.    My power isn't back to normal yet, but with a few more fights like that one, and I'll be ready for anything."

"It's not that," Trunks said.    "You were chosen by Shenron, so I know you can handle it.    It's just... well, I wouldn't mind fighting with my father one more time, even if it's on opposite sides."

"I wouldn't know," Luffa mumbled.   She had killed her own father long ago, and found the experience disappointingly anticlimactic.   She wasn't sure if she envied Trunks or pitied him.

He led her out of the Time Vault, but before they could leave the Time Nest, he heard a noise from above, and they looked up to find a large bird soaring in the upper reaches of the Time Nest.   It suddenly occurred to Luffa that the entire structure of this place resembled an enormous birdcage floating in some sort of green cosmic haze.    

Then they heard the click of heels on the cobblestone road that connected the Time Vault to the portal leading to the city, and they looked down to see someone walking towards them.   It was a woman, even shorter than Luffa, with mauve skin and coral pink hair.   Her clothes were similar to Luffa's compression shirt and baggy pants, but over this she wore a purple jacket with a yellow sash tied around the waist.   The cut of the jacket was unusual, as the lower section billowed out around her lower legs, almost like a dress.    The upper section stopped at her torso and wrapped loosely about her arms, exposing her shoulders completely.    Her neck-length hair was styled in a way that revealed her pointed ears and a pair of large yellow gems that hung from her lobes.

"He-loooooo!" she said cheerfully.   As Trunks nervously returned her greeting, she noticed Luffa, and waved to her.    

"Er, this is the Master of the Time Nest," Trunks explained.    "She's the Supreme Kai of Time, and a very important person."

As he said all of this, the Kai stood behind him and began posing and making silly faces.    Luffa had no idea how to take this.  

"Kai," Luffa said.   "I've heard about them before.   They're like the kami, who oversee different planets, right?"

"Sort of," Trunks said.    "Only the Kais are on a level above that.     And the Supreme Kais are higher still.   She manages the flow of time throughout the entire universe, keeping a close eye on history and protecting it."

As he said this, the bird that had been circling above them chose this moment to alight on the Supreme Kai of Time's head.   It was at this moment Luffa noticed that the bird was  about the same size as the Kai.   Before she could ask what the bird was called, the Kai angrily shooed it off of her head and started scolding it like a child.    The bird cooed in reply, and it was impossible to tell if it understood her words or not.  

Luffa looked at Trunks, who seemed even more confused, if such a thing was possible.    

"Well, like I said, she's an important person.  Just trust me..." he said with an awkward chuckle.  

Luffa shrugged and nodded indifferently.    When it became clear that the Kai was no longer paying attention to them, Trunks resumed escorting Luffa to the city.

*******

Luffa's second visit to the hospital was much shorter than the first.   The Namekian healer, Pulmon, rejuvenated her just as quickly as before, and this time she didn't need to sleep.  After her discharge, she and Trunks began to roam the walkways of Toki Toki City

"I'm still waiting to hear back from Admin about your quarters," Trunks said.   "It's probably going to take a while to get you back home.   The Dragon Balls won't reactivate for at least six months, and that's assuming we won't need them for some other crisis."  

"Don't worry about it," Luffa said.   "I... I don't really have any pressing business waiting for me.   Besides, I can always take a spaceship."  

"We, uh, don't really have those here," Trunks said.  

"You can travel through time, but not space?"

"Pretty much," Trunks said.    "The Supreme Kai of Time created Toki Toki City as a base for the Time Patrol.   Most of us are from Earth, and Earth is pretty isolated from the rest of the universe."  

"That's pretty much what Pulmon told me about his own people," Luffa said.   "I was asking him about The Camelian Empire, trying to get a handle on how far it is from Earth, but he said he'd never heard of it."

"The Camelian Empire?" Trunks said.   "I've never heard of it either.   Is that where you're from?"

"No," Luffa said.    "I was born in interstellar space.   Never spent too much time in one place.   I lived on a few planets for a while, but none of them were what you'd call landmarks.   But Camelia's a big deal, with a lot of star systems under their control.   If I knew where that was in relation to Earth, I could get my bearings.    But it's starting to sound like this is a pretty isolated part of the galaxy, or maybe a whole other galaxy."

"We'll get to the bottom of this, Luffa," Trunks said.   "But I appreciate you helping us out in the meantime."

"Don't mention it," Luffa said.    "You've got Saiyan blood yourself.   So you know I'd go stir crazy without some action.   What I don't understand is how even the Saiyans I've been fighting could be so different from the ones I know," Luffa said.  "Nappa claimed that your father was the result of generations of breeding, like he was this ultimate warrior, but he wasn't that strong.   If my ki wasn't all out of whack, I could have taken care of them both without any trouble.   So what was he bragging about?"

"Well, my father was the strongest Saiyan of that era," Trunks said.   "From what I've heard, back on Planet Vegeta--"

"Yeah, Nappa mentioned a Planet named after your old man," Luffa said.    "I've never heard of it.   It's like there was this whole other population of Saiyans completely cut off from mine, with their own kings.   Could this be connected to whoever's been changing history?"

"Hmm... Well, it's not impossible," Trunks said.  "But the temporal incursions we've been seeing are all confined to a fairly recent period, a few decades at most.  I think the enemy would have to go back pretty far to change the Saiyan homeworld.    On the other hand, I've gotta admit, I know a lot more about time travel than Saiyan history.    Wait a minute... of course!"

"What is it?" Luffa asked.    

Trunks drove his left fist against his right palm as he spoke.    "I should have thought of this before," he said.   "We have a research division in the Time Patrol.    One of them could probably clear this up for us.    They might even be able to track down some planets you're familiar with."

"Perfect," Luffa said.    "Where do we find these guys?"

Before Trunks could answer, there was a beeping noise from inside the sleeve of his jacket.    He held up his left hand to reveal a wristwatch communicator.    

"It's the Supreme Kai of Time," Trunks said.   "She must have discovered another change in history."   He touched a button on the face of his watch and said: "This is Trunks.    Go ahead."

"What's the big idea walking out on me while I was dealing with Tokitoki?"  replied the agitated voice on the other end of the call.     "That's extremely disrespectful, you know!"

"I--!   I'm sorry!" Trunks said.   "I just... it seemed like you were busy, and I needed to see to Luffa's injuries and--"

"What sort of example does that set for a new recruit, huh?   Did you even think of that?   Look, just get back here, okay?   I need to show you something!"

"R-right!" Trunks said.    He switched off the transmission and hung his head.   "I need to go," he said with a sigh.  "It sounds like something important.   At least, I hope it is..."

Luffa began to crack her knuckles.   "If it's another mission, that suits me just fine," she said.   "I need to blow off some steam."

"No, if she didn't want me to come alone, she would have said so," Trunks said.  "And this might just be a waste of time.    You can talk to someone at the Research building while I handle this."    He pointed to a box-shaped building in the distance.    "Number 731.   You can't miss it.    Just tell them I sent you.    You can find me at the Time Nest when you're finished."    

With that, he turned and ran, leaving Luffa by herself.   She shrugged, and made her way to the structure.    As she approached, she stared at the large glyphs on its wall and tried to memorize them for future reference.    

*******

The inside of the Time Patrol Research Corps building looked completely different from the high-tech exterior.    The walls were stone and ceramic tile, and the lighting was produced by a series of long tubes that hung from electrical fixtures on the ceiling.   Along the halls were wooden doors with square glass window panes.     As Luffa couldn't read the room numbers or the placards, she simply peeked into each window, looking for an unlocked office with someone inside.    When she finally found one, she couldn't see anyone through the window, but she could hear voices from within.    She took five steps inside, and discovered a man and a woman leaned up against a desk, making out.    

"Whoa!" Luffa said as she averted her gaze.  

"Uh!    Can I help you?" the man blurted out awkwardly.  

"Right!  Yes!" the woman added.   "Can I help you?   Um, also?"  

They were fully dressed, but Luffa was unsettled enough that she held up her arm, as though afraid to look directly at them.    "I... I need a historian?" she said.   "Someone who specializes in Saiyan history, maybe?"  

"Oh!  Um... well I'm a dietitian," the man said.  

"I don't actually work here," the woman said.   "I'm with maintenance.  Here to fix..."

"The wiring."  

"Right!   Yeah, the wiring.    I should... really get back to that."

"Look, I just need to know where your history department is," Luffa said, "and I'll let you get back to... whatever you were doing."

"Dewar's still here, isn't he?" the woman asked.    

"Probably.   He almost never leaves his office.   He's down in the basement.    Room Number 034."  

"Look, let's just assume I can't read," Luffa said.    She didn't particularly want either of them to show her where to go, but she didn't want to waste time either.    

"It's the room with the foil on the window," the man said.  "You can't miss it."  

Luffa muttered a few words of gratitude and shut the door behind her.   Two minutes later, she stood before an identical door in an identical hallway, only this one was underground, and the door had aluminum foil covering the window.   She could hear people talking and laughing inside.    Having lost a good deal of patience, she didn't bother knocking, and simply walked right in.  

She found an alien inside, sitting in an old leather office chair.     He looked mostly humanoid, save for a thick tail that he had threaded between the back of the chair and the seat.   His feet were propped up on a bookshelf.     They looked like the toes of a bird, or some sort of dinosaur.    His hairless head had an odd shape to it, like a nut with a slight point at the top.    And his skin was a pale blue color.     He didn't even notice Luffa's entrance.    His attention was firmly on a small video monitor that was sitting on top of a file cabinet.    

"Ha!  That's what you get, Queen Trowel!   Next time, listen to your advisers instead of cutting out their tongues!   Huh?   Hah?"

He cupped his hand over one of the rimmed holes on the sides of his head and leaned closer to the screen.    "What was that, Your Majesty?   You say there won't be a next time, because Sergeant Prunshir shot you a hundred times?     Ohhhhh!   Who could have seen that coming?    Heh heh heh!"

"Are you Dewar or not?" Luffa asked, startling the alien.  In his excitment, he dropped the box of snacks he was holding.    

"Holy crap," he yelled, gasping at the chest of his tank top.   "Oi, what's the big idea?   The sign on the door says 'Do Not Disturb', doesn't it?    Can't you read?"  

"No, I can't," Luffa said.    

"Oh."   He put his thumb on his chin and considered the door behind Luffa.   "Maybe I should look into a pictogram.    Something with a picture of a guy knocking, because apparently nobody knows how to do that anymore!"  

"Oh, I know how to knock," Luffa said, "I just don't care.   I need a historian.   Trunks sent me here."

"Trunks?!"  he asked.   "Welllllll now, this just got very interesting.   The big shot Time Patrollers don't usually call down here for us little old researchers."   He reached for a holster that was lying haphazardly across his desk, and as he stood up to wrap it around his waist, his tail snaked into one of the desk drawers and produced a pistol.    

"What's the gun for?" Luffa asked.

"What isn't it for?" Dewar said as he held it up and admired the craftsmanship of it.   "I'm nowhere near as strong as Trunks, but I've done a few field missions from time to time.   Never let it be said that Dewar, pride of the Research Corps, can't hold his own in a fight.   But it never hurts to have a little insurance, eh?"

"Pride of the...?   They stuck you in the basement," Luffa grumbled.   "Look, this isn't a field mission, at least not yet.   I just needed to pick your brain for a minute."   She pointed at the monitor he had been watching.    "Maybe you can pull up some images from history, like whatever you're working on here."

"Oh, that?" Dewar said with a chuckle.   He reached out with his tail and pressed the "off" button with the very tip.    "This is just a TV set.  I was watching some old dramas from Ryno VII."  

Luffa put her hand over her face and shook her head.    

"What?" he asked.   "It's an important window into their culture!"  

"I need to talk to someone about Saiyan history," Luffa said.  "Do you know anything about that?"

"Saiyans?    Wellllll now, the plot thickens, eh?   Let me just get my notes and I'll join you both at the Time Nest."  

"No," Luffa said.   "Just you and me.  For now.   I mean... Trunks has a lot going on, right?    No need to pull him away from what he's doing."  

"Hmm, I guess he is a pretty busy guy.    Fine, where's your quarters?"  

"I don't have a room assignment," Luffa said.  "I don't know what the holdup is."  

Dewar threw his hands up.   "Those dopes in Admin!" he said.    "Always taking their sweet time.    Looks like I'll have to bail them out again!"  

Before Luffa could ask what he meant, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and withdrew a  device that looked like a large pen.    He then powered up a computer terminal in the corner, and plugged the pen into an access port on the side.    

"What are you doing?" Luffa asked.  

"Admin goes through all these silly algorithms to assign living quarters," Dewar explained.   "It's all a lot of nonsense.   Somebody tried to rig it to match roommates by blood types, which only slows things down.    Fortunately, I, er, acquired a master access fob a while back.   Oh, I told myself I'd only use it in an emergency, but the bureaucratic wheels turn so damn slow, and there's so many poor souls like yourself who cry out for help.   I can't just leave you on the streets, now can I?    What did you say your name was?"

"Luffa," she groaned.  

"Ah, nice name.   Haven't heard that one before, but very Saiyan.     There we are!   See?  Now this was exactly what I was talking about.   They've got a dozen openings, but they're waiting on results from some personality quiz that you probably didn't even know you were supposed to take!   Wellllll now, I'll just fix that.    Favorite food...?  Cup noodle, of course.    Tree you identify with...?   Redwood sounds good."

"What's a redwood?" Luffa asked.

Dewar shrugged without looking up from his work.    "Never seen one before, but I'm guessing they're red.   And... blood type is XJ3.    A minute to process the data, annnnnnnd...  Bingo!"

He snapped his fingers and looked back to Luffa.    "Piece of cake!   Come on, Luffa, let's take a look at your new home at..."  He looked back at the screen to read the address, and his mood quickly deflated.   "Oh... oh nooo..."

"What is it?" Luffa asked.  

"Er, nothing!   Nothing to worry about!" he said cheerfully.    "I just noticed that you've got a roommate!   Nothing to worry about.   I'm sure you'll get along just fine.    Jayncho's a little anti-social, but once you get to know her, she's a really nice lady!   Heh heh!   Uh... yes."  

He shut off his computer and gestured for Luffa to follow him out of the office.   As she followed, Luffa noticed that he was still carrying his sidearm...

NEXT: Fitting In.

[writeyouin]

Hi, I don’t know if you still do Invader Zim asks, but I’d like to request a Dib x Irken Reader please. Maybe you could make the reader stranded on earth, being sent by the Tallests when she/he realized ruling over height is idiotic, with only a Pak and a disguise that’s similar to Taks. She/he would like to get back at her/his race, so she/he makes a deal with Dib. If they expose Zim, she/he will get his ship to leave and reek havoc on her/his planet. Or something like that... Thanks!

Dib X Reader – The Enemy of my Enemy

A/N – ‘Kay, so I deviated a little from the script towards the end but my brain kept shouting at me about grublings, so all will become clear in the fic, I guess.

Warnings – None.

Rating – T

You kicked your ship, furious to have crash-landed on the inferior Earth-planet that you had been sent to conquer. Not once in your invader career had you ever crashed, until that stupid creature hit your ship and sent you hurtling into a tree.

“Dumb bee,” You growled, though you didn’t really know what a bee was, only that it was the thing that had thrown you off course with its insignificant, disproportionate body; such a creature shouldn’t have been able to fly in the first place, let alone crash a ship.

Despite the set-back, you were determined to complete your mission quickly so as to please the Almighty Tallest.

“Computer,” You addressed your ship, glad for the privacy of the forest you’d crashed in and the cover of night. “Disguise yourself as an appropriate habitation-unit.” The ship reformed, replicating a perfect log-cabin. You stepped into the house, examining its interior with your tech-pad.

Walking to a mirror in what appeared to be the cabin’s sleeping quarters, you gave another command. “Good. Now, upload an appropriate disguise to my Pak.”

You watched as an icky human disguise covered your wonderful antennae and green skin. Turning slowly to get a good look at yourself, you sneered, “Ugh, it will have to do I suppose, if this is what the humans count as acceptable evolution.”

“Computer, begin immediate repairs and locate target: Zim.”

“Located,” The computer replied mechanically, an obedient servant created by the Irkin Empire. “Target: Zim is in location Skool.”

“Hmm, then I shall infiltrate this ‘Skool’ and capture Target: Zim. What defences is this Skool equipped with?”

“Zero defences detected.”

You grinned; this was going to be easier than you thought, like taking nutrions from a grubling.

“Class,” Ms. Bitters glowered in her croaky old voice, “this is (Y/N), our new student. NOW GET TO YOUR SEAT!”

You opted for a chair just a few spaces away from Zim, afraid he would recognise a disguise Pak, even when his was so clearly defective. You rolled your eyes bemusedly; his disguise wasn’t even a hologram.

While Ms. Bitters began her lecture on a doomed Earth, you speculated on your gathered information of the unusual planet you were to conquer. Ms. Bitters for example was extremely tall by Irken standards and would have been at least a commander on your planet; she certainly had the demeanour for war. Yet, on Earth, Ms. Bitters was nothing more than a Skool teacher. Initially, you’d thought that was a position of respect, and though many of the humans she taught did fear her, they did not care about any punishments that might come their way for misbehaving in her presence. Was it possible that height did not dictate height on this unusual planet? If so, how did the earthlings choose their leaders? It couldn’t be the smallest; that would make no sense at all.

Pushing thoughts of taking over the Earth away temporarily, you focussed on the first half of your mission, capturing Zim. Looking at him, it couldn’t be that hard. He had the lowest ranking technology you’d ever seen come from Irken hands. Moreover, from the reports you’d read, Zim was chaotic, but not necessarily intelligent.

While you glared intently at Zim who wasn’t paying attention, Dib’s sharp eyes tracked you, following your every movement.

‘Finally,’ Dib thought. ‘Another human who sees the elephant in the room, or rather the alien in the class.’

Dib snickered at his own joke. ‘Alien in the class… Hilarious. Argh, focus Dib, we can joke later.’

“Psst,” He beckoned under his breath.

You turned sharply to the small human to your left, tilting your head to show you were listening.

“You’re interested in Zim?”

You blinked slowly, revealing nothing about your mission.

“He’s an alien,” Dib hissed. “Sent here to take over the planet. Don’t listen to the others here, they call me crazy, I’m not. Zim. Is. An. Alien. And I, Dib Membrane will do anything in my power to stop him.”

“Sit down Dib,” Ms. Bitters warned without turning from the blackboard, sensing rather than seeing that he was posing heroically again since he hadn’t done so in the last period.

Dib slumped back down in his chair while the rest of the class laughed at him uproariously. While they mocked the Membrane boy, you turned your attention back to Zim, who was smiling triumphantly, as if he’d won another victory against Dib. You wondered whether Zim was so careless in his act that he’d been found out by Dib, or whether Dib was so intelligent that it was inevitable he’d discovered Zim and the Irkin plot. If it was the former, you had nothing to worry about, but the idea of the latter caused you concern over your brooding classmate.

Then again, perhaps Dib could be useful, if you played your yomboes right. Had the bell not rang then, you would have cornered either Dib or Zim. However, you didn’t get a chance as Dib screamed Zim’s name and started chasing him from the classroom in an impressive feat of acrobatics and speed. You assumed this was a regular occurrence, judging by the lack of reaction from the rest of the class; then again, maybe most humans were simply that ignorant. Either way, you had a lot to think about.

Dib stood outside what he believed to be your house, having no reason to suspect that you were an alien, since you acted more normal than Zim or Tak ever could. In one hand he held a flower and in the other a pamphlet on how to be a paranormal investigator.

He liked you. You listened to him when nobody else would and when he told you Zim was an alien, you didn’t mock him, instead you got closer to him, asking if he had any plans to stop Zim. After that, he’d given you the entire power-point presentation that he one day planned to show his dad – and all the other scientists of the world, of course.

“Okay Dib,” He whispered to himself. “Just knock, give (Y/N) the flower and pamphlet, then ask if (s)he’ll help you defeat Zim. It’s not that hard. Just don’t overthink it.”

Before Dib could go through with his plan, he heard a crash in the cabin. Taken aback, he ran around the side of the house, peeking through one of the windows. There you were, having flipped a table in anger.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN’T LEAVE?!” You roared.

Dib looked around for whoever you were talking to, perhaps a parent or sibling. Instead, he heard the all too familiar sounds of a super-computer, talking back at you.

“Systems are damaged beyond repair. Ship requires Irken flargon to fly.”

You threw your Pak to the ground shedding your disguise. “I DON’T HAVE A FLARGON. I DON’T HAVE MY ROBOT. I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING THAT CAN FIX YOU.”

Before you turned to the window, Dib ducked down, furious at himself for missing yet another alien. He looked at the daisy in his hand, crushing it in a despondent fist. Fine, if he couldn’t fight crime with you, he could at least stop you from taking his planet.

When he was sure you were looking away, he tried stealthily opening the window to climb in. Instead, all he managed to do was grunt and make far too much noise when he found that the window didn’t open as he first suspected.

“DANG IT!” He cried, losing his temper. He looked inside again, finding the cabin empty. “What?”

You growled behind him, lifting him into the air with a tractor beam and holding him firmly in place so he couldn’t fight you; he was far too skilled in combat to take any other risk.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” Dib cried out. “YOU’RE AN ALIEN!”

“I prefer intergalactic traveller, if you don’t mind,” You replied drily.

“WHAT’S YOUR PLAN, ALIEN, HUH? YOU GOING TO MIND CONTROL EVERYONE THROUGH THEIR T.V’S, IS THAT IT? WHAT ABOUT CREATING GHOST CLONES?”

You waited patiently while Dib listed off all the supposedly evil things you were expected to do, until he finally ran out of breath. “You done?”

Dib scowled at you but said nothing further.

“Okay, listen to me for a minute. I’m not here to take over Earth… Well, I was, but I’m not anymore. All I want to do is stop Zim, and then I can take his ship and go home. For all I care, you can have Zim to do what you want with.”

“Your whole race takes everything they want, why don’t you want Earth?” Dib asked suspiciously.

“Look Dib, you’re smart, so I’m going to be perfectly honest with you,” You freed Dib from the tractor beam, lowering him gently to the floor. “I don’t want to be an invader. I want to live here on Earth, like you and if that means donning a disguise for the rest of my life, so be it.”

“If you want to live here, why do you need Zim’s ship?”

“Because, I want to stop the Tallest from taking over anymore planets and I can’t do that from here. I’ve spent my life believing their lies, believing that we needed the planets we stole, and believing that they were the smartest of our race, until I came to Earth. I’ve learned so much here. You get the freedom to pick your leaders, and you use your intellect to build incredible things instead of stealing your technology like we do. So, I’m only going to ask once, will you help me fix the mistakes of my past and work with me to stop the Tallest from taking over any more planets?”

If what you were saying was true then you were far more admirable than any other Irken Dib had heard of. Yet, no matter what you said, Dib was afraid of being tricked by you; what if this was all another Irken lie like everything else he’d seen?

“Prove to me that you’re telling the truth,” Dib said, glowering at you.

You considered his request, wondering what you could do or say that might prove your loyalty. It was a tricky request but you didn’t blame him for making it. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t trust an invader either. “Follow me,” You said solemnly.

You led the way into the Cabin, stepping into a pantry that was actually a lift to your underground laboratory. You pulled up a hologram of the Irken chain of command, lecturing Dib all the while. “These,” You pointed to the Almighty Tallest, “are our leaders. They sent me, Invader 153 to capture Target: Zim.”

“Why? Does he know something? Has he defected? Was his mission a failure?”

“What? No, none of that stuff. The Tallest just really hate him…he keeps calling them in the shower and stuff. It’s very annoying.”

“You… You’re kidding right?”

“I wish I was. You see, this is exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to be free of the Tallest… especially Purple.”

“What’s wrong with Purple?”

You glared at Dib, not prepared to tell him your shameful secret, the one that made you a top invader and allowed you access to the best technologies; it was something you wanted to take to your grave.

“Hey,” Dib pointed angrily at you, “You better tell me, or we can’t work together. What’s up with you and purple?”

“ARGH, INCESSANT HUMAN! I’M GIVING YOU CLASSIFIED INFORMATION FOR YOU TO BEAT THE IRKEN RACE. WHY ISN’T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!”

“IF YOU DIDN’T WANT ME TO KNOW THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID ANYTHING. WHAT’S UP WITH PURPLE?”

To be fair, Dib had a point, though you were loath to admit it. You ground your teeth together frustratedly.

“Tell me, or I’ll take you instead of Zim.”

“Ugh, fine… Purple is- I’m his- I’m Purple’s grubling.”

“Grubling? What is that? Wait is he… Is Purple your dad?”

“Call it what you want… He didn’t want me anyway. Apparently, height isn’t genetic.”

Dib was somewhat lost for words. He knew from Zim that Irkens didn’t really have families so to speak, but this seemed to be a particularly sore spot for you. Maybe that was why you really wanted to turn against your race. Whatever the reason, Dib stuck out his hand for you to shake.

“What’s this?” You asked.

Dib grabbed your hand, showing you what to do, “I’ll help you get Zim’s ship, no matter how long it takes.”

“You will? Even though I’m an alien?”

Dib smiled empathetically, feeling relatively close to you on the subject of family relationship problems, “I’d say you’re more of an intergalactic traveller.”

Your lip turned up in a small smile, “Here’s to capturing Zim.”

“To capturing Zim.”

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[sciencespies]

Anglerfish Drop Their Immune Defenses to Find Love

https://sciencespies.com/news/anglerfish-drop-their-immune-defenses-to-find-love/

Anglerfish Drop Their Immune Defenses to Find Love

Love can leave us defenseless, but for some species of deep sea anglerfish letting their guard down for new romance is in their genes. New research finds that evolution has actually eliminated an integral part of the ghoulish fish’s immune system to make sure that when they find a mate, nothing stands between them and complete union, reports Katherine J. Wu for the New York Times.

That’s because certain species of anglerfish have adopted what might seem like an extreme approach to the vast, lightless dating pool of the deep. When a male finds a female, which can be up to 60 times his size, he clamps onto her underside with tiny translucent fangs. The comparatively miniscule male’s love nip then turns into a permanent attachment: his mouth, and eventually even his blood vessels, fuse to the female to provide her eggs with on demand fertilization. (Talk about clingy.)

In biological terms, the male becomes a sexual parasite incapable of surviving without his beloved—his internal organs, with the exception of his testes, shriveled and useless. In a final twist, there are even a few species known to collect multiple supplicant males, accumulating as many as eight of the glorified sperm sacks.

The rub for immunologists is that this kind of body melding shouldn’t be possible for the same reasons humans can’t just go swapping organs willy nilly. An ancient part of the vertebrate immune system called adaptive immunity is programmed to seek and destroy any foreign substance that gets into the body, from viruses to bacteria, reports Erin Garcia de Jesus for Science News.

“When you look at [these fish], you scratch your head and think, ‘How is that possible?’” Thomas Boehm, an immunologist at the Max Planck Institute of Immunobiology and Epigenetics in Germany, tells Science News. The adaptive immune system’s aggressive response to invaders is why organ transplants must be assiduously matched for compatibility, “but these creatures seem to be doing it without knowing what’s going on.”

To figure out how the fish’s immune system accommodates their frightfully intimate couplings, researchers sequenced the genomes of 13 of the 168 known anglerfish species, which are named for a bioluminescent lure that dangles in front of their faces on a rod-like appendage. The study included a range of species, four which attach to their mates temporarily, three that don’t latch on at all, and six that permanently attach to their mates. The species that blend blood and tissue were split evenly between those that keep one male around and those that retain a small roster of reproductive material.

The study found that in two of the species which display this last and most extreme form of sexual parasitism, certain genes closely associated with the adaptive immune response were missing, the authors report this week in the journal Science.

“It’s quite shocking,” Elizabeth Murchison, a geneticist at the University of Cambridge who wasn’t involved in the study, tells Katarina Zimmer of the Scientist. “I suppose we shouldn’t have too many preconceptions about what is and isn’t possible in nature. Evolution produces all sorts of wacky outcomes, and this is one of them.”

Specifically, the anglerfish that permanently fuse multiple males to a single female had lost the ability to produce T cells and antibodies, two types of immune cells that are fundamental to the body’s ability to identify and fight off interlopers, according to the Times.

“If I had to diagnose [those two fish] … I would say, ‘OK, this is red alert, we really have to do something because this is severe combined immunodeficiency. Fatal prognosis,’” Boehm tells Science News. In humans, severe combined immunodeficiency is a genetic disorder that so weakens the immune system that it usually proves fatal within the first year of the person’s life, per Science News.

The angler species that keep their tissue-mingling sex lives one on one exhibited similar but less severe genetic alterations, while those that engage in fleeting attachments appeared to retain the ability to produce T cells and a limited antibody response.

The findings raise new questions about how these anglerfish that have compromised their immune systems to hang onto their mates manage to stay healthy.

“Clearly, these animals are doing fine,” Zuri Sullivan, an immunologist at Yale University who wasn’t involved in the study, tells the Times. Maybe other parts of the immune system have ramped up their activities to compensate for the loss of antibodies and T cells, Sullivan posits.

Probing these questions will require more samples from these elusive denizens of the deep sea, a process that took years in the case of the 31 specimens used in the present study.

“We are not quite sure what lessons the anglerfish will teach us,” Boehm tells the Times. “But we know they have done something really incredible.”

#News

[the-desolated-quill]

BBC’s The War Of The Worlds blog - Episode 1

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I was very much looking forward to the BBC’s adaptation of the H.G. Wells sci-fi classic. How could I not? It’s the definitive alien invasion story that jump-started an entire genre of science fiction  Not to mention this is the first adaptation made by a British film company and actually set in the time period it was written. I was very excited. Nothing could possibly dampen my spirits... until I learned who was writing it.

Peter Harness is a writer I’ve been less than kind to in the past. For those who don’t know, he wrote some of the worst episodes of Doctor Who. Remember that stupid story about the moon being an egg? Yeah, that was him. He also has a penchant for writing painfully forced and thinly veiled allegories with all the grace and subtlety of a ballet dancing rhino in a glow in the dark tutu. Kill The Moon, for example, was a pro life metaphor that portrayed the other side as being irrational baby killers, and his Zygon two parter was about Muslim immigration and integration, with the slimy repulsive Zygons being used as stand-ins for Muslims and non-white immigrants.

Harness’ ability to write allegorical stories about sensitive topics is... under-developed, to say the least. So naturally he’s the perfect candidate to adapt one of the most beloved sci-fi stories ever written. I mean, why not? The BBC have already ruined Sherlock Holmes, courtesy of Steven Moffat. Why stop there?

In all seriousness, while I wasn’t excited about the prospect of Harness getting his grubby mitts on War Of The Worlds, part of me hoped that maybe he could pull something out of the bag. You may recall I held a very similar negative view toward Chris Chibnall, and his first series as showrunner of Doctor Who was an extremely pleasant surprise. Maybe Harness could achieve his own metamorphosis.

He doesn’t.

The first episode of War Of The Worlds was fucking tedious to sit through. It actually looked quite promising initially. We get some nice moody shots of the surface of Mars as Eleanor Tomlinson recites the famous opening lines of the book. But then just after the opening titles, it all goes downhill.

I was sceptical when it was announced that this would be a three parter because that just seemed too much. A feature length film you could do. Maybe a two parter, at a push. But three episodes? Each an hour long? That’s going to require a lot of padding, and that’s exactly what Episode 1 is. We see the Martian cylinders launch from the planet at the beginning of the episode and it’s not until the forty minute mark where we get our first proper glimpse of the Tripods or the heat rays. So what do we get in the mean time? Mostly pointless shit.

The original War Of The Worlds book isn’t exactly remembered for its characterisation. Outside of the astronomer Ogilvy, none of the characters even have names, but to be fair to Wells, the characters themselves weren’t really the driving force of the narrative. The Martians were. The narrator, a journalist, was merely there to relay and facilitate the plot, giving us a first hand account of the subjugation of Earth. Fine for a book, but somewhat harder to get away with in a film or TV series, which is why most don’t even try. Every single adaptation of War Of The Worlds attempts to expand on the central characters to varying degrees of success, and the BBC version is no exception. But where Harness really miscalculates is in anticipating how much the audience is going to care about the characters, to which the answer is ‘not that much.’ We don’t want them to die obviously, but we’re not so interested in who they are or where they come from because they’re not the main focus. The Martians are. So to have a significant chunk of the episode focusing on their day to day lives is quite baffling. Not to mention unbelievably boring.

George, played by Rafe Spall, is living out of wedlock with Amy, played by Eleanor Tomlinson, which causes their neighbours’ tongues to clack and net curtains to twitch. The only person supporting their union is Ogilvy, played by Robert Carlysle, which is how they learn about the mysterious goings on the surface of Mars. This is all established in the first five minutes, but as I said, the Martians don’t properly show up until the forty minute mark. Until then we’re subjected to painfully forced and tediously dull ‘right on’ posturing and irrelevant social commentary that adds nothing to the core narrative.

Here’s the thing. I’ve got nothing against the idea of expanding the characters. I definitely have no problem with giving the narrator’s wife from the book more development and screen time. In fact I’m all in favour of it. What I do have a problem with, however, is when that expansion and development comes at the expense of the plot.

A man and a woman shacked up together in defiance of society is all well and good, but what does any of this have to do with War Of The Worlds? It’s not even as if Harness tries to connect this back to the story’s main themes of imperialism and colonialism. It’s mentioned that Amy was born and raised in India. Maybe if she was an Indian woman, it could have been more thematically relevant, but no. Once again we have a period drama with no people of colour because, as we all know, non-white people weren’t invented until 1962. Also, while I get that society at the time was very strict, I’m not entirely convinced George and Amy’s relationship would have been that scandalous to the point where it would have affected his career as a journalist. That just seems like a step too far and is merely there to add some artificial tension... in a story about Martians invading the Earth.

In the end it all comes down to this. Why the fuck should I care? What’s the bloody point of this? Yes it expands the characters, but it doesn’t contribute anything to the narrative. It just wastes time. Again, I must stress, we don’t get our first Martian until forty minutes into an hour long episode. Previous adaptations never felt the need to bore the audience to death with pointless shit because they knew what audiences came to see. Martians blowing shit up. Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of War Of The Worlds from 2005 didn’t piss about giving us needless exposition about Tom Cruise and his family. We’re given the basic info about the characters and their relationships within the first ten minutes before the Tripods emerge and the action gets going. The BBC version, in contrast, is just painfully slow, dictating every tiny thing about these characters even when it’s not relevant to the plot.

And the thing is, once we actually get to the bits from the actual book (you know? The bits people actually want to see?), it’s actually pretty good. The Tripod looks incredible, as was the scene in Horsell Common where we saw people getting killed by the heat ray. Unfortunately we have to slog through all this other crap before we can get to the good stuff.

Eleanor Tomlinson probably gives the strongest performance as Amy. It’s just a pity the character is so utterly uninteresting. Like I said, I’ve got nothing against giving her a bigger role than she had in the book, but it feels like Harness is more interested in showing off his feminist credentials than actually telling a story or creating a believable or likeable character. Her being an assistant to Ogilvy I think is a great idea, but it soon becomes clear that this was only done so other male scientists could comment on how unusual it is to have a woman digging up a crashed cylinder, which is kind of ridiculous because I’m pretty sure female scientists did exist back then and you don’t exactly need a penis to use a fucking shovel. Then things turn really stupid when George’s brother, played by Rupert Graves, starts blaming her for the Martian invasion, saying that everything was going fine until she came along. Exploring 19th century sexism is one thing, but this is just daft. There’s no interest in actually exploring the root causes of sexism back then. Instead Harness seems content with portraying men as being the equivalent of cartoon caricatures foaming at the mouth.

George, meanwhile, goes from being a fairly boring character to a downright hateful one when it’s revealed that he and Amy aren’t just living out of wedlock, but that he cheated on his missus because she was infertile. So not only do I not care about him, I now straight up want him to die because what the actual fuck?! And this is not helped by Rafe Spall’s incredibly wooden performance. Seriously, I’ve seen corpses with more life in them. When the Tripod first emerges, we see him stare at it in what I assume was supposed to be shock, but instead he just looked gormless. It’s honest to God one of the worst performances I think I’ve ever seen. There’s no emotional range to him whatsoever. He just blunders around wearing a confused frown on his face. It’s as if he had just wandered onto the set by mistake.

The biggest problem with this first episode is that Harness is focusing on all the wrong areas. A large segment is dedicated to George investigating the Dogger Bank incident, which seems to be an attempt at making a parallel between the UK’s tenuous relationship with Russia then and now. What this has to do with War Of The Worlds, I don’t know. There’s so far been no attempt at exploring the themes of the source material as we’re too busy with this shitty romance. There’s even a moment where we see the characters dig up the cylinder and take a photo only for the same exact scene to happen five minutes later. I mean for fuck sake!

And then there’s the pointless plot twists. First we get the cliched pregnancy reveal, then it’s revealed that the scenes we thought were on Mars turned out to actually be a post apocalyptic Earth with Amy and a seven year old kid who is presumably her son. Wait, how long has this fucking invasion been going on for?! It only lasted a couple of weeks in the book! What happened? Did the Martians get vaccinated? This just highlights to me how inept Harness is as a writer. He can’t just do a straight adaptation of War Of The Worlds. He has to engineer these pointless and utterly idiotic cliffhangers to get people to keep watching because the story and characters clearly aren’t doing that.

If I wasn’t committed to reviewing this mini-series, I honestly wouldn’t watch the rest of this. This first episode is legitimately terrible. Boring, poorly thought out and utterly, utterly clueless. Just like everything else Peter Harness has ever written. I don’t understand why he was chosen to adapt War Of The Worlds and I don’t understand why he chose to adapt it in this way. Why so much focus on pointless exposition? Why over-complicate the lives of the main characters? Why can’t they just be a normal married couple living a life of privilege until the Martians come and trample all over it? It makes no sense! Some could defend this saying it was building tension until the Martians emerged, but there’s a significant difference between making an audience nervously anticipate the Tripods arrival and making them wait impatiently for something, anything, interesting to happen.

[liquidthepartlydefunctblog]

Hal and Dave play The Twin Snakes: Part 1

A fan fiction in which a nerdy scientist and a gruff soldier play a game they never agreed to star in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snake sat on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette. In their pursuit of a new model of Metal Gear, he and Otacon had found themselves staying in a run down hotel room. It was unclean and cramped, but it served its purpose as a cheap place to stay. They had several days to wait until the opportune time to make their move, so Hal had gone out to stock up on any basic supplies they may require: food, water, a pack of Moslems (Snake was adamant that you never knew when a cigarette may come in handy during a mission, though Hal knew this was an obvious cover up for his addiction). He had left about an hour ago, making his return almost imminent. The pair had been travelling together attempting to rid the world of Metal Gears for about a year now, so Snake had grown used to his habits.

About five minutes later the door opened up. A thin man wearing a white jacket and a blue turtleneck stumbled in, attempting to juggle three paper bags while turning the door handle. Snake remained sat down, and removed the cigarette from his mouth before speaking in a dry tone.

"You know you could have knocked."

Hal ignored him, less to be disrespectful and more because he was currently occupied, and waddled over to the other bed. He dropped the bags onto it and began going through the supplies.

"Canned food, bottled water, nicotine patches, a can ope-"

"Nicotine patches?" Snake interrupted.

Otacon held up the box of patches and responded in an unusually stern tone, "Yup. If you don't want to help yourself Snake, then I'm going to help you."

"Hrmmph," Snake grumbled and put the cigarette back in his mouth.

Suddenly, Hal perked up with excitement, "Oh Snake, I bought something else too."

He began rummaging through the bags before pulling out a black plastic case. Hal threw it over to Snake who began analysing it. It seemed to show him and... Liquid. Snake scowled at the thought of his clone brother. He looked at the top of the case.

"Metal...Gear?" Snake proceeded to look at the subtitle.

"The Twin Snakes?" Snake continued, as confused as before.

He looked down at the bottom of the case, "Produced by... Hideo Kojima? I've heard that name before... wasn't he a spy under the command of Big Boss?"

Hal heaved his suitcase onto the bed before letting out an exhausted breath. Once he recovered he shot Snake an exasperated glare.

"What are you talking about Snake? Mr Kojima is one of the most respected game developers in the world. Anyway, I hear he didn't have too much to do with this one."

"Well, a person can have two jobs," Snake muttered.

"So, this is one of those video game things huh? Using the most terrible weapon ever built to make a quick buck... sounds like this Mr Kojima is just as bad as the suits who put Metal Gear into production."

Otacon lifted his head out of the suitcase, looking personally offended by Snake's comments.

"No, you've got it all wrong Snake. I hear the game's story does a great job of showing the evils of nuclear weaponry. Mr Kojima wrote it himself!"

Hal nodded, as though this fact somehow verified everything he had said, before going back to rummaging through the suitcase.

Snake turned over the case.

"Alaskan military installation... why am I getting the feeling I've heard this somewhere before?"

Hal pulled some wires out of the suitcase before looking over at Snake, his hand awkwardly rubbing his neck.

"They uh, well Snake you see they... they made the game about Shadow Moses."

"What!?" Snake looked over at the awkward scientist, what remained of his cigarette falling to the ground. He proceeded to stamp on it with his boot, both to put it out and to release his anger.

"Do they have any respect? What happened there shouldn't be trivialised in a children's toy."

Otacon, again looking wounded by his partner's words, made vague gestures with his hands while attempting to justify the game's existence.

"I'm sure they understood the graveness of the situation Snake. Think of it... think of it like a historical movie."

Snake mumbled, "You're not giving this thing a good image here Otacon," as he thought back to when Hal had deceived him into watching Titanic under the pretence that it was an accurate historical account.

"Well anyway, we might as well give it a try. It's not like we have much else to do for the the next few days," Hal said as he triumphantly lifted a strange black cube with a handle from the suitcase.

Snake grumbled once more before looking over at the cube, which Hal was attempting to connect to the room's small television with the wires he had pulled out earlier.

"Are we going to play this thing on your lunchbox there Otacon?"

Hal, who despite his great feats of engineering seemed to be having trouble working out which wire went where, responded without even looking up.

"This is a Nintendo Gamecube Snake. It's the latest system from a beloved game developer, though I hear they're working on an even more powerful one, and it's what we're gonna play the game on. You can see the logo on the top of the case."

Snake turned the case back over, and sure enough there was a logo sitting right there.

"These the ones who made that 2600 thing?" the soldier questioned.

Hal sighed, plugging in the final wire before turning around, "That was Atari, Snake. You really need to get with the times, this stuff is common knowledge. Anyway, the system's ready." He turned on the television and sat in the room's lone chair.

Snake groaned at his ally's definition of common knowledge before walking over to where he was sat and looming over his chair.

The two stared at the screen as various logos popped up. Eventually the logo of the game itself appeared, with several snakes coiled as though to resemble two strands of DNA in the background. Hal turned around from his chair, and gave his partner a serious glare.

"Well Snake, this is it. Are you ready?"

Snake internally chuckled at the scientist's intense tone, but remained stoic on the outside. He gave a small nod.

"Okay then, I'll get it started."

Otacon moved through some menus, before eventually reaching one labelled "Difficulty". Snake watched as he immediately moved down to the option labelled "Extreme". He didn't know much about these "video games", but he assumed that to be the most challenging option available.

"Extreme? Doesn't that seem a little overboard?"

Hal emitted a noise halfway between a sigh and a chuckle, his face remaining glued to the screen.

"Oh Snake, you really don't know anything about games do you? Don't worry, they make these things way too easy these days. You gotta go as high as possible if you want to have any sort of challenge."

Dave made a low "Hrmph" sound under his breath, before Hal jumped up slightly, sounding excited once again.

"It's starting!"

That Kojima fellow's name appeared on screen once again, before the screen began to display what Snake presumed to be a submarine in the ocean. This was all but confirmed when the words "Alaska-Bering Sea" appeared. A submarine and a straight path, maybe this modern stuff wasn't too different from the simple games he had seen installed at bars in the past. Snake bent down and began fiddling with Hal's controller.

"So, we're the submarine huh?" he said as he moved the control stick left and right, a sense of pride in his words.

Otacon tried desperately to push Dave aside, sounding annoyed with his lack of knowledge.

"This is a cutscene Snake! They tell the game's story! Haven't you ever played a video game before?"

Snake moved away, visibly shocked, "Cutscene? This isn't sounding much like Space Invaders..."

Hal recovered from Snake's attempt to grab the controller, and turned to face him again.

"You know Space Invaders huh Snake?" he said before turning back around and muttering to himself, "Well that's something I guess..."

Snake smirked, looking incredibly pleased with himself, "Number 8 at the local bar back in Alaska."

Otacon kept his eyes on the screen, unimpressed with Snake's achievement.

"And how many people are playing Space Invaders in the middle of Alaska?"

"Well the leaderboard only ever hit nine people," he muttered awkwardly. Trying to change the subject he looked up at the screen on which he saw a man with demonic looking black eyes wearing a beret. Two names flashed up next to him,

"Roy Campbell (Paul Eiding)"

"That's the Colonel! ...What happened to his eyes?"

"C'mon Snake, don't be so harsh. These graphics are the best they can do."

Snake prayed his old friend would never have to see this

"What's the insertion method?"

Hal, who was fiddling with the controller, looked back at his partner, "Huh Snake?"

Snake raised an eyebrow and shook his head, before pointing at the television with his folded arm. Right after he did so, another pair of names flashed up.

"Solid Snake (David Hayter)"

Snake almost did a double take as he saw this, "That voice was... me?! It was awful!"

Hal made a cautious noise of disagreement, "Actually Snake, I think he's got you down pat."

Snake grew slightly red in the face, while the gravel in his voice became even more apparent, "Well that's not what I hear!"

"You're a chain smoking clone of a chain smoking soldier Snake, what were you expecting?"

Snake thought for a moment, "Who's the guy in that 24 show? He sounds pretty good."

Hal gave a wry smile, "Kiefer Sutherland? In your dreams Snake."

Snake looked down at the ground in embarrassment, "Just watch the damned game."

The "cutscene" ended with Snake's rise from the water at the Shadow Moses Dock. Otacon placed the controller down on the table, and stood up from the chair.

"You know what Snake, I want you to try this."

Snake let out a short, sharp grunt

"C'mon, it'll be fun. It can't hurt to try."

"Hrmph, fine."

Snake sat down in the chair and picked up the controller, "How the hell do I use this thing?"

"Don't worry, the game tells you what to do."

As if on cue, the iconic sound of the codec blared from the television while portraits of Snake and Campbell appeared on screen.

"Hmph, is this some kind of puzzle?"

Snake fiddled with some buttons on the controller, eventually skipping the Colonel's guidance entirely.

"Or... not," Hal mumbled as his shoulders sagged.

Meanwhile, Snake returned to his prior task of attempting to get the 3D model of himself to move, spinning the control stick in confusion. Eventually through sheer luck he managed to not only reach a crawling position, but make his way under the pipe. He proceed to move forward, however he stopped in his tracks when a loud noise was emitted.

"!"

Suddenly the word "Alert" had appeared in the corner of the screen, and some dramatic music had begun playing.

"Otacon, what the hell is going on."

"You've started an alert phase Snake! You don't have the means to fight the guards right now, so try and hide!" Hal responded as he bounced up and down nervously.

"Hide? What if I head back to the pipe?"

Snake ran back where he came from, the guards hot in pursuit.

Hal looked down at him from behind, almost screaming into his ears.

"Snake? What are you doing? Snake? Snaaakee?"

Snake moved away from his partner's yelling, grunting as he did so, "Calm down Otacon. What if I-" Snake was cut off by a loud guttural scream as his digital self fell to the ground, blood spilling everywhere. Some new words appeared on the screen.

"Game Over"

"..."

"..."

"Give me the controller Snake."

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Part 2 comes when I can be arsed to put effort in.

[glaciernps]

Bewitched by Bats from an Early Age

By Renata Harrison

Tonight I witnessed something truly unique. We’ve trapped and taken measurements of over 25 little brown bats. I’ve seen the intricacies of their wings, their fuzzy bodies, their tiny teeth. We even caught a flying squirrel. As amazing as all of that was, though, the real marvel of the night was a special relationship that formed.

Twenty-five people stand in a circle listening to wildlife biologist Lisa Bate explain the evening’s events. We’re all here for the Going Batty field trip, having come from near and far to discover the world of bats. One of the participants, six-year-old Izzy Herreid-Terrill, has driven six hours from Bozeman, Montana to come to Glacier for this field trip. As Lisa tells us the plan for the night, no one is paying better attention than Izzy. Clutching two plush, stuffed bats to her chest, she hangs on to Lisa’s every word.

Izzy’s obsession with bats began during a visit to Lewis and Clark Caverns in southern Montana, where she was upset to learn how they were affected by white-nose syndrome, a fungal disease that has killed millions of bats in North America. On the first day of kindergarten, when teachers asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up, she said she wanted to save bats from the disease. Izzy feels that bats are misunderstood. “They’re not as scary or ugly as adults think,” she explains.

Lisa Bate gets it. Surrounded by bat enthusiasts, she tells us how her own fascination began. As a young girl not much older than Izzy, she’d sit out in the backyard, watching as bats appeared out of the darkness to hunt for insects. She developed her very own bat-signal—a rock in a sock. Flinging the bright, white sock into the air, she watched as dark forms swooped to investigate it.

Lisa has been studying flying animals for over 25 years as a wildlife biologist. She earned her master’s in wildlife biology, focusing on birds. When she arrived in Glacier, she admits, “I didn’t know anything about bats, other than that I liked them and I was fascinated by them.” She was surprised to learn that there had never been a formal survey of bats in the park. With the threat of white-nose syndrome looming, Lisa decided to take action. She recruited the help of world-renowned bat biologist Cori Lausen. With funding from the Glacier National Park Conservancy, Cori led Lisa and her team on a crash course in bat surveying. Two years later, Cori left the project in Lisa’s capable hands, and it continues to this day. Tonight, Lisa and her colleagues have invited the public to take a peek into the mysterious world of bats.

After an introduction to bat biology and survey techniques, we head off to check out the mist nets used for trapping. Lisa leads the pack, striding ahead at her field-biologist pace. Most of us amble behind, chatting, but someone is running to catch up with Lisa. Izzy’s full of questions, and Lisa bends down as they walk to make sure she hears them. I watch as these two bat buffs confer like longtime colleagues, stepping in stride. Although things have changed, Lisa has typically been in the minority as a female in her field. She’s clearly delighted to talk to this gung-ho little girl.

Lisa and her team’s task tonight is to collect, identify, and take measurements of as many bats as they can catch. The goal of these surveys is to get a better idea of which species of bats live in the park and where they hibernate.

Obtaining this baseline data is essential, especially now with the threat of white-nose syndrome. The disease has killed millions of hibernating bats. Some species have been reduced by as much as 90%. One of these species is the little brown bat, the most abundant bat in Glacier. Little brown bats are extremely susceptible to white-nose syndrome. The fungus invades their tissues as they hibernate, disrupting water and mineral balances, and often killing them. Since its discovery in a cave in New York in 2006, white-nose syndrome has spread to 33 states and 7 Canadian provinces. “It’s a matter of when—not if—it arrives in Montana,” says Lisa.

Sitting in the waning evening light, we eagerly wait for the trapping to begin, but Lisa informs us that we won’t start until the birds stop singing. That’s the bats’ cue to come out and start hunting, and our cue to raise the nets. All nine of Glacier’s bat species are insectivorous and can eat thousands of insects a night. Izzy points out that the first time she saw bats they were eating mosquitoes, which immediately earned them her support.

Through a combination of echolocation, highly adapted wing structure, and super-fine sensory motor control, bats pinpoint prey in the dark. Surprisingly, they can also see the fine mesh of mist nets used for trapping. If the nets are at the wrong angle to the wind, if there’s too much moonlight, or if raindrops are stuck to the net, bats will notice and fly around them.

After about an hour of waiting, there’s a flurry of excitement. At the mist net set up over the creek, Lisa’s colleagues have started catching bats. Radioing back and forth to each other, the biologists give instructions. “We’ve already got thirteen down here!” “Let’s get this going,” Lisa says. “I gotta start processing these!”

Lisa rushes to her truck, a batmobile in every practical sense. As we gather around, eager to see our first bat, Lisa asks for an assistant. Izzy is perched in the truck bed, ready to hand Lisa the tools she needs. Another young helper records data. It’s important to process the bats as quickly as possible so they can be set safely free again.

Although she’s working quickly, Lisa doesn’t leave Izzy, or the rest of us, in the dark. She talks through the process of identifying the bats, holding each one gently in gloved hands. With each step, Lisa makes sure Izzy can see and understand what she’s doing.  As I watch her look at the bats’ teeth, measure their wings, and determine their sex, I realize that I’ve never really given bats a chance. I admit, I’m one of those adults who found them, well, a little scary and ugly. Seeing them up close and learning about their incredible adaptations starts the wheels turning, but it’s Lisa and Izzy’s enthusiasm that seals the deal.

Watching them bond over bats, I think back to when I was Izzy’s age. Although I loved the outdoors, I was a lot more fearful than she is. My family spent summers in a cabin on a lake in northern Ontario, where spiders and night noises sent me into waves of panic. Coming back from the outhouse in the dark, I’d dart to the cabin and close the door breathlessly behind me against the night. I didn’t know what was out there, so my mind conjured monsters. I overcame my fear of spiders by learning about the adaptations behind their creepy appearance. It continues to surprise me how education can erase fear. Before tonight, I never wanted to get this close to a bat. The closer I look, though, the more enamored I become of these amazing creatures of the night.

It's now past midnight. My urge to go home and crawl into bed is winning over any desire I have to study more bats. I’ve been squinting through my camera so long, I’ve lost track of who’s around me. I walk to my car in the dark alone, not tempted to run breathlessly like I used to. As I drift off to sleep in my warm, comfy bed, I remember that Izzy was still there when I left a while ago. Could she still be out there now, perched in Lisa’s truck bed, persevering through every last bat?

The next day, I find myself talking about bats to anyone who will listen. Luckily, I catch Lisa at the office and thank her for a wonderful evening. Somehow buzzing with energy after such a late night, she’s clearly charged up by something. “Wasn’t that little girl great!!” she blurts out. Beaming, Lisa tells me proudly that Izzy stayed until 2:00 a.m. helping her process all the bats. As she rushes to her next adventure, she trails off, “I have just about a million more things I could tell you about Izzy…”

                                                                                   ****

Later, I’m sitting in my office, poring through photos from the field trip. My attempts at photographing the bats squirming in Lisa’s hand under the dull glow of a headlamp are as fuzzy as the bats themselves. I sigh and rub my eyes, feeling a bit morose at not having done these unique creatures justice. It’s difficult to capture how delicate they are, how ephemeral. I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to see them like that again.

An email pops up in my inbox, interrupting my thoughts. It’s from Izzy’s mom. She writes that Izzy came home from the field trip and said it was the best day of her life! She could recite almost word-for-word everything she learned from Lisa that night. She, too, couldn’t stop talking about bats the day after the field trip. When asked if she wanted to share anything about the event, Izzy said, “Only that more people should learn about the things in nature all around them, and then they wouldn't be scared.”

[Image descriptions, top to bottom: Photo 1: Closeup of a little brown bat on a researcher’s glove. Photo 2: A little girl and a woman scientist step in sync down a gravel path in the woods. Photo 3: Closeup of a little brown bat with white fungus covering its face. Photo 4: A little girl and a scientist talk to each other across the back of a pickup truck. Photo 5: Illuminated by headlamp, a woman scientist shows the little girl a bat. Photo 6: Closeup of a little girl gazing admiringly at a bat held by a researcher.]

[ask-hetalia-jones-family]

State Files

Part one: https://ask-hetalia-jones-family.tumblr.com/post/616428156481683456/state-files-hey-heres-al-being-pretty-summary

Ao3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822452/chapters/57240190

WattPad: https://www.wattpad.com/879747477-usa-reopened-little-updates

Story under the cut :)

“Austin, update?” Alfred asked looking past the protective shield.

“Beautifully running,” Austin smiled.

Hydrologic engines, only byproduct was water. Beautiful. 

“You’ve done well Austin, and only in a month! This is incredible!” Alfred cheered.

“Thanks pop, I’m head of the head scientist of the entire nation. I better know what I’m doing,” Austin said quietly. 

“Well you're doing great Aussie, how is the air purifier?” 

“Testing underway, it’s set up in New York at the moment you might want to ask yorkie how he’s breathing since it affects him” Austin explained.

“I’ll get on that, thank you Austin”

“No problemo pop” 

——

Days to months to years to decades.  

——

“How do you feel, York?” America asked his son, they stood on the new Empire State Building. 

York took a deep breath and let it out, he smiled feeling the rising sun on his face. “Great, thank you so much dad.” Leonardo smiled.

“It’s no problem Leo, I’m glad you can enjoy this all” Alfred sighed and smiled.

“Hey dad?”

“Yes?”

“What's that color?” He pointed to the sky as it turned a Cotton Candy pink. 

“Don’t mess with me, you can see?” Alfred asked.

“I think so, is that the sunrise? It’s so… pretty.” Leonardo smiled.

“Leo, Leonardo Hamilton Rogers-Jones you can see the sunrise?” Alfred asked, turning his son to look him in the eye, Olive green eyes to deep blue.

“I guess I can… but you are very… weird looking. Not like how to feel.” 

“You need glasses” Alfred laughed hugging Leo, “you can see, my beautiful boy can see”  Alfred murmured while kissing his hair. 

“Yeah, I guess I can,” Leo smiled as he was crushed in a hug from his overjoyed father.

——

“Hawai’i?” 

“Yes?”

 “How's the oceans and coral?” 

Hawai’i turned to look at Alfred, over the many years she accepted the fact she was stuck in the union but in more recent years, since Isolation, she had managed to gain much more control of her state. That was what the isolation was for, putting the personifications in charge.

“They are recovering nicely, so are my beaches.” Hawai’i smiled. The oceans behind her sparkles in the sun’s light. “The prices have gone down since there aren’t as many tourists. We are adjusting to that and we are more self-sufficient when it comes to money, how are the distribution of the rich?” 

“Going well, going well, the people are doing just fine with money. How’s your education system?” 

“Very well, much more focused on what needs to be taught, and no sugar coating. Well, a little for the younger children but they for their mental wellbeing.” Hawai’i explained.

“That’s for the best,” Alfred nodded. 

Kalani nodded, “I assume you are here  to visit the islands?” 

“Them, and you as well, you are their older sister, that makes you my child to some extent. So I’m glad you’re doing ok,” Alfred smiled. 

 Hawai’i nodded. “I’ll be with the islands, but remember the 4th of July party is coming soon!” Alfred smiled and headed away from the beach as Kalani grabbed her surfboard and walked closer to the ocean with her surfboard and ore. 

—————

Vermont, the republic, stood on a watch tower looking over the forest. 

“Mable, you see ‘hat road over ‘here?” 

“Ah? Oh yes, I think.” 

“Only road in this entire country that isn’t coated with solar panels, do you know why?”

“Umm, no. Too cold? Bears?” Vermont state asked.

“Not bears, but because it’s too close to the Canadian border. Do you know why the Canadian border is so unpro’ected?” Mary asked her younger sister. 

Mable thought for a moment, “Because it has been for 100s of years, and the Canadians haven’t harmed, invaded or threatened us, civilian or Military since 1812?” 

“Correc!” Mary smiled, handing her a pair of binoculars while she pulled out her own. 

“Our forests go into Quebec, us Vermonters are the very few who can go over borders.” Mary said proudly. 

“I know” Mable smiled.

“Are we going to reopen the borders one day?” Mable asked, looking at her older sister. 

“One day, but we have our goals to meet beforehand, why? Missing traveling already?” Mary teased.

“No, just miss Pop.” 

“Ah, well.” Mary sighed, it was a common feeling amongst the states, they missed their father’s lover. “Maybe a letter? A group letter of New England all in one envelope?” Mary suggested.

“Not the same MayMay,” Mable sighed heavily.

“It’ll end eventually, eventually.”

——

~Pruame~ 

Alfred stood looking out from his balcony, he held a solemn face. His hoodie was one of his lover’s hoodies he had left many years ago.

“Damn, how long has it been since isolation?” He looked down at his phone, “28 years…” his voice trailed off, “we’re not even halfway done. How much longer is this going to have to last?” he asked himself. He looked at his home screen. It was a photo of himself and Prussia. Gilbert had taken it when Alfred was asleep on his lap. He honestly missed Gilbert, he was his boyfriend after all. 

Suddenly his screen changed, “speak of the devil and he will appear,” Alfred laughed emptily and picked up. 

“Hey Gil~” He smiled chipperly. 

“Morning Liebing.” Gilbert smiled, still mostly asleep and Gilbird could be heard chirping in the background 

Gilbert had been feeling the same as Alfred, he missed being able to come over and not leave for a month. To be able to sneak kisses during meetings and drag him off to a supply closet to keep Alfred’s loud mouth occupied. To sneak into Alfred’s hotel room and greet him upon his return to give him a bit of a mood boost in more ways than one. 

They talked a while as Gilbert went about doing his share of his brother’s work. 

Alfred looked out on his land, he and Gilbert had gotten onto the topic of land. “Clear sky’s and beautiful tall trees” Alfred said looking at his backyard. 

Gilbert hummed before an idea came to mind, “definitely not as beautiful as you are when I have you-” “GILBERT!” Alfred screamed over Gilbert as his face was easily compared to a tomato.

“Kesesese, Ich liebe dich auch Liebling” Gilbert laughed. Alfred still was blushing, “love you too, Gil.”

[silyabeeodess]

Even after making these guys, I still can hardly fathom how much I actually like this show now…

Here’s a character line-up for the six IZ ocs I mentioned in my earlier post.  I’ll list some info on each of them in the cut below, but here’s some general info for the whole group:  These guys all knew each other since they were smeets. At the time, Irkens were going through one of many phases to genetically engineer better, stronger, taller versions of their species. At this point, the experiments were winding down and each phase pushed for only mild or subtle changes in order to limit any extreme consequences. Most of their batch ended up slightly taller than average and tested better overall during their training. They were all also very loyal Irkens! The problem was… a lot of them proved to be more loyal to each other than to their actual leaders.  This actually led to about a 2 minute “uprising” in their youth where a few of them got themselves just about vaporized. Some other smeets from their batch would later meet similar fates or get their little, green butts handed to them down the line whenever any of them stepped so much as a foot out of line.  …Woohoo! :) So, the ones that survived basically either never really had a loyalty issue or learned pretty fast to keep their mouths shut.  In the case of these six, it was the latter. Rather than favor height, they value competence. That doesn’t mean that they won’t follow orders, but whoever leads them better do so well. This leaves them to often have shaky opinions of their fellow Irkens and higher-ups, and the group will often debate (in secret) over which traits are the most valuable for the empire’s goals of conquest. They’re also pretty ambitious, and divided themselves in a way to both jointly live…somewhat, comfortably and rise through the empire’s ranks.

LARG:

Larg is the tallest of the group, and because of this the others will sometimes treat him as an outsider. In public, they give him the respect other Irkens would show him because of his height and position. In private, he has to prove himself to them more than the rest of them have to with each other to show that he isn’t taken in by his own status and that he won’t end up stabbing them in the back at some point. In reality, the fear is pretty baseless as he’s actually the most lenient and easygoing of the bunch. 

Once he became a navigator on the Massive, he was able to solidify his place in the group a lot more. They valued his placement and what it meant for them overall, with him doing the others favors or giving them subtle recommendations when possible. It also gave him the chance to keep an eye on the Tallest.

Out of the six, he questions authority the least. He gets along well with his fellow navigators too.

 SLEEVEEN:

Sleeveen is the next tallest of the six and became a scientist. It’s not so much that she devoted herself to science because that’s her strong suit, but rather that “someone needed to fill that slot” and the role fit her personality best. Sleeveen’s the sort to play mind-games rather than draw a weapon. She’ll put on a show to convince you that your family’s dead just to see how you react and test how far she can push you over the edge. Therefore, it could easily be said that she favors/specializes in psychological weaponry and related tech.  

She likes talking and bragging about her work, so she’ll show it off any chance she gets. In turn, she’ll take it as a personal offense if you don’t give her some attention. Just letting her talk and nodding along on occasion is typically all it really takes to satisfy her though. 

The group views her as the least rational, due to her being pretty petty and desire for revenge if she feels slighted–which the others mostly view as a pointless waste of time. Still, she doesn’t let her feelings get in the way of her work or their safety, so they’ll usually let her have her way or even play along.

FIZ:

Fiz probably would’ve been fine anywhere in the military, but the others pushed her to be an invader due to her self-discipline and well-rounded abilities. And it was good advice: She does a pretty good job.  Her main issue is that her usual “angry” expression sometimes gets her into a bit of trouble, as most people can’t read her and don’t know if she’s giving them sass or not.  She often gets sent to planets with darker atmospheres or that are tidal locked, so she wears a much darker uniform than normal to help her blend in a bit better to those types of surroundings. 

Even when she first hatched, Fiz had a pretty angry expression. She’s not a negative person though: It’s just her face. She can be a hard-case with a razor focus to her work and a stern desire for control of both herself and her environment; however, she will emote more at times of extreme emotion, such as surprise, and doesn’t mind relaxing a bit–especially with the others–if she is offered the chance. Just don't expect her to spill her innermost secrets…

Fiz has a major caffeine addiction. She once had to go several weeks without caffeine on an assignment on a dwarf planet and it frustrated her so much that she dumped a ton of chemicals into its entire water supply to turn it into soda. Even though she went a little out of line, the Tallest were actually happy with the result and pumped the planet dry before conquering it completely.  

CESTUS:

Cestus is the group’s second invader; however, he stayed an Irken elite for a much longer period than Tiz from a lack of trying. He shows a general apathy for most things, and as a result nothing really moves, disappoints, or impresses him easily.  The most anyone can normally get out of him is a resounding “meh.” Out of the six, he’s the most likely to be a follower, as he doesn’t give much input on things and has a habit of staying silent. Despite this, the others know that he’d come through for them in the end.

The one thing Cestus really does care deeply about are the others in the group, even if he doesn’t show it. If something happened to them, he’d fight tooth and nail to save them–even shirking off his obedient façade if it came to it, so long as he knew it wouldn’t do more harm than good.  He actually has a soft spot for smeets too, and would’ve wanted to teach if he was able. Not without attempting to slip their batch’s ideology onto future generations despite their PAKs’ programming, but he would’ve enjoyed it.

No one will say it to his face, but some Irkens talk about Cestus’ head. He doesn’t know it, but a lot of them think he got hit with something that caused a permanent indentation in the back of it. It’s one rumor that somehow no one in the group has picked up on, or if they have they just don’t care enough about it to bring it up.

MOOB:

Moob is about average in height for an Irken, as well as average overall in most fields. Because of this, he became a standard soldier. He specializes in demolitions for his unit, which is the main area where he shows incredible skill.  He’s very passionate about his explosives. Some might even say dangerously so.  Give him any opportunity to blow something up and there’s a chance that the armada will see fireworks from halfway across the galaxy. If it weren’t for the others reminding him to keep himself in-check, he’d probably get himself into a ton of trouble.

He’s got a very “silent, but deadly” personality, not really saying much to other people outside of the group, but breaking into a loud, scary fit of laughter when it’s time to do his job. Effective as he is, most people don’t like teaming up with him on assignments. 

He’s blown himself up and his PAK has had to revive him multiple times. It’s a miracle he still has all of his limbs. 

CALU:

Unlike the others, Calu didn’t get very far in his training. Although just a little shorter than the average Irken, he was one of the shortest in the batch. That, combined with his slight chubbiness and lack of noteworthy abilities led to him getting stationed as a janitor on the Massive. His placement was intentional, with Larg pulling some strings so he could watch him and so that Calu could check out other parts of the ship. No one makes his job easy though–and it’s already not, because sometimes he’ll get sent on jobs cleaning up areas like that trash compactor in “Star Wars”–so he does what he can to keep attention away from him.

Calu is actually very intelligent, but hides it since his low status actually works well for them all in the end. Since most Irkens view him in a poor light, if they notice him at all, they don’t really bother hiding anything in front of him. So he gets to listen on plenty of good information or dirty secrets.  While he might get in trouble for spilling them himself, it doesn’t stop him from telling the others in the group. That sort of know-how comes in handy, especially if any of them ever want to one-up a fellow Irken. 

Due to the abuse he does face, the others will treat him almost like a little brother despite them all being the same age. They’ll tease him a bit too, but only in good fun. And if anyone else messes with him, they better hope they don’t “accidentally” slip through an open air lock. They help him bear what he goes through, like secretly giving him a small earpiece to hide under his goggles in case he wants to listen to music. 

Additional Info:

The group tries to meet up on occasion and hate being separated. Still, it’s next to impossible for all six of them to be in one place at the same time. Larg and Calu see each other the most often, with Fiz and Cestus seeing the others the least due to falling out of contact for long periods while on assignments. 

Fiz and Cestus have the most in common. Not counting their antenna, they’re both the same height; they’re both invaders; and they were both pushed to be invaders by the group for their skills, demeanors, and, according to their smeet days, ”because they look so intense.”

Sleeveen and Fiz act a lot like bickering sisters, throwing insults at each other and talking over the other’s head, “borrowing” each other’s things, and so forth. Really though, that’s just their typical way of dealing with each other and they’re pretty close.

Sleeveen sometimes uses Moob as a test subject when he’s off-duty, since he can take a lot of damage. In return, she sometimes lets him mess around with experimental equipment–if always when she can observe.  

All of them are pretty comfortable and open around each other except for Larg, who tries to connect with them the most. He’s closest to Calu, who in turn doesn’t mind being brutally honest with him in private.

They’re technically defective, but it’s not actually their PAKs that causes it: It’s the chemicals in their bodies transmitting signals differently to their brains. The PAKs would’ve been fine strapped onto another Irken.  Should their PAKs be attached to another Irken now ,however, their memories and ideology would imprint on future generations. Their current defective state could be “corrected”, but it would have to be done through severe torture. 

[dhj8735]

pollution in New Zealand

News Hub 27/02/2017 Tony Wright.

: “The health of New Zealand's rivers and lakes is undeniably a controversial and divisive subject. Kiwis feel passionate about the health of their waterways, and rightly so, but sometimes the real facts behind what is polluting them can be buried behind hyperbole and over-zealous views. This was on display in abundance when Environment Minister Nick Smith announced his '90 per cent Swimmable Rivers by 2040' decree last week. Dr Smith laughed off criticism of the plan, which is essential to fence off all Kiwi waterways from livestock by 2030 and change the criteria of what swimmable water actually is, as 'junk science'.In a special report into the state of NZ's waterways, Newshub has interviewed and gathered resources from several independent freshwater scientists, the dairy farming industry, (including farmers and scientists) and NIWA, to give you the full picture on the health of New Zealand's rivers.

Part one of Newshub's special investigation will focus on what exactly is the pollution being put into our rivers and the effects.

Part two will analyse the efforts being undertaken to protect Kiwi waterways from further pollution, and what is being done to reinvigorate those rivers that are failing.

Part three will examine the effects of climate change, and whether or not we've reached a tipping point for overall river health decline in New Zealand.

Part four will look at the battle over the blame of our failing river health, and conclude just who is responsible for the overall decline in freshwater quality.

Part One - What is polluting our rivers? It's hard to argue that many of our low-lying rivers are being polluted and that the agriculture industry, and in particular beef and dairy farming must take a fair share of the blame. To their credit, Kiwi dairy farmers have spent over a billion dollars in combating river pollution, while DairyNZ has implemented science-based regulations that leading water experts say have helped turn the tide in improving the health of many our waterways. And while it's easy to simply point the finger at dairy farming, all agricultural industries, and indeed all New Zealanders, even city dwellers, must carry some of the blame for our water pollution.

What is the main cause of this pollution?

That question at least has an easy answer: Agriculture - but it's not been a recent occurrence, it's been happening since the first pastoral farms were created in New Zealand in the 1800s.

But with the agriculture industry being a big player in the New Zealand economy, examining the link between pollution and agriculture can be tough to evenly gauge.

What are the main contaminants?

Sediment: Fine material from deforestation

Nutrients: Nitrogen and phosphorus from livestock urine and fertilizer

Bacteria: E. Coli from livestock excrement

Sediment from deforestation

It's easy to forget New Zealand is one of the most deforested nations on Earth, with only 25 percent of our native forests left untouched, and they're mostly on the west coast of the South Island.

So while New Zealand does have pockets of beautiful and unspoiled native forests, the majority of our land has been cleared and is used in the agriculture, and in particular, the farming industries.

We've also cleared 95 percent of our native wetlands, which if they were still in existence, would play a major part in protecting waterways from pollution.

New Zealand's native forests have been burnt off and cleared ever since human settlement began 800 years ago, and our waterways are now paying the price.

Dr John Quinn is NIWA's chief scientist of freshwater and estuaries, and told Newshub this initial clearing of New Zealand's forests has a continuing impact on our waterways.

"There would have been a huge dollop of sediment happen when land was first cleared, and often that was just done with burning and pretty unfriendly sorts of approaches and there are legacy effects of all that deforestation that are still around our river channels today.

"Some input of sediment in rivers is part of a natural process, it creates sandy beaches. You have to have a level of erosion that is part of the natural system; it's just how much has it been accelerated."

Dr Mike Joy teaches environmental sustainability at Massey University. He's studied the declining health of New Zealand rivers for decades and has long been a vocal figure in raising awareness.

"When we get heavy rainfall events we get huge amounts of fine material from deforested areas.

"This sediment comes off the land and clogs up the rivers making them brown and dirty, but the biggest impact is that the sediment then forms a mat over the bed of the stream, and cuts off all the habitat for the life in it."

Dr Tom Stephens works as a water scientist for DairyNZ and his chief job is to help farmers try and improve their water quality. He says one of the industry's biggest battles is to protect our rivers from further sediment gain.

"Once it starts to move on the land it takes a long time to slow down. If it gets in our waterways it takes a long time to get out, so we're talking decades to century's worth of sediment loss. It's what we're currently trying to address through our water quality levels."

Dairy farming is only part of the sediment problem

Dr Quinn says high intensive dairy farming is 'a' cause, but drystock farming (farming animals for meat and wool) is much more widespread - and has been since the 1800s.

"If you look at the amounts of sediment that comes off that drystock farming, and partly because it's on the steeper hill country, it's more erodible as well.

"So dairy's part of the problem  but is certainly isn't all of the problem."

Nutrients from farm animals

This is where the booming dairy and beef industries must take a fair share of the blame for the high levels of nitrogen being put into New Zealand's waterways - the direct effect of high volumes of cow urine.

Dr Joy says nitrogen produced by cow urine is having a major detrimental effect on New Zealand's waterways.

"If anyone's seen a cow peeing it's a huge volume in a small area, and the land and the plants can't possibly cope with most of it and it makes its way through the soil.

"Depending on soil moisture, levels of rainfall and a whole lot of other factors, most of it makes its way through the ground to lakes to rivers.

"It's not so much the nitrogen itself that's the problem, but that it's a nutrient, and it grows in the plants and the lakes, and there's algae and then algal bloom; either toxic algae, or algae that grows to such an extent that it takes the oxygen out of the river, out of the water itself and the animals die."

The dairy industry is of course incredibly aware of the nitrogen problem from cow urine, and is trying to use the latest science to combat it.

"The biggest challenge for us is actually catching, and interrupting that urine patch," says DairyNZ water scientist Dr Tom Stephens.

"When it's deposited it's in a very dense, sudden pool, and it can escape the surface layers of the sediment where the root systems are and where the growth is occurring and where that nitrogen would otherwise be captured, and once it escapes that then it's going to travel.

"It will either go into the ground water, and it will take years and decades to then emerge or, and a lot of the nitrogen on a dairy farm will do this."

Human health issues from bacteria and in particular: E. Coli

E. Coli comes from the faeces of animal livestock, and has become a major factor in stopping Kiwis from swimming in their rivers. E. Coli is a major health hazard - it can make you sick, especially if you drink water contaminated with it such as what occurred in Hawke's Bay in 2016.

DairyNZ regulations mean its farmers must fence off all waterways on their land and 96 percent have done so - but no such regulations exist for beef, sheep or deer farming.

Environment Minister Nick Smith wants this compulsory across all farming industries by 2030. One wonders why it has taken the Government so long to implement such a measure.

It's not just agriculture and farming polluting New Zealand's rivers

The Tasman Pulp and Paper Mill is continuously polluting the Tarawera River in the Bay of Plenty, and is being allowed to do so because the mill hires local people. The Tarawera River now has an unenviable nickname, the 'Black Drain'.

This perhaps sums up the great dichotomy of employment versus the environment: Our Kiwi communities want jobs, but they also don't want to pollute our rivers.

In 2009 the Government granted permission to the mill's owners, Norwegian company Norske Skog, to keep polluting the Tarawera River for another 25 years, despite official protests from local iwi.

In essence, the Tarawera river is being destroyed to keep a few hundred local people employed. The profits made by the mill go back to 'clean, green' Norway.

Invading species is also a massive problem

Remember those "have you seen didymo" TV ads a decade or so ago?

Invasive plants and animals in our waterways are still a major problem in 2017, with foreign species of fish like toy carp wreaking havoc on the natural vegetation in our Kiwi lakes, exacerbating the decline in water quality.

Dr Quinn says noxious plants like didymo are still common in New Zealand but have been overshadowed by the pollution saga from agriculture.

"We see a whole lot of nuisance plants getting into our lakes which eventually results in quite major deterioration.

"It's quite difficult at times to get simple messages across to the public because it really is quite complicated and often people want to reduce it down to one or two things and what we're dealing with is a syndrome of impacts that humans are having and we really need to understand is how to manipulate a number of things at once if we're to restore these water bodies to what we want them to be."

On Wednesday, in part two of our special Newshub investigation into river health, we'll examine what exactly is being done to help protect New Zealand waterways and hear extensively from dairy industry scientists and perhaps the most important people in all of this - the farmers.

Newshub.

[douxreviews]

The 100 - ‘Red Sun Rising’ Review

“Isn’t this your home?”

This was all about fear.

What is everyone afraid of? Are those fears valid? What reactions are these fears going to bring to pass?

On the moon

Poor, poor Emori. I have to start here because it really broke my heart. She still has such deep seeded anxiety about being on the outside and the people that she loves turning against her. I hate that. I’d say I hope Murphy gives her a real big hug when she comes out of it but things aren’t exactly looking great for him.

How nice for Murphy that he got to be the one that was immune or at least not hit the hardest. It just fits that the ultimate survivor would be the one not overtaken by paranoid rage. Too freaking bad he’s been seemingly infected by something, of course he has survived much worse. He was called out last season for liking being the hero and I think he just proved that point again. He went to Bellamy to try and subdue him before his friend was able to hurt anyone. It would have been more self-preservational to hide and wait it out. In the past, I could’ve even seen him standing guard over Emori before putting himself in Bellamy’s path but he did the hard thing for the good of his friends. Even with Clarke, he was able to recognize that she wasn’t a danger to him and he took the time to talk her down and be responsible for her even though he’s still pissed and needed to get back to subduing Bellamy. It’s a little crazy how much his character has grown on me over these past years and more than a little impressive how effortlessly that character growth has been building and how well Richard Harmon has been at playing this incredibly intricate character.

Of course Clarke is only a danger to herself during the eclipse. She truly always comes from a place of protection and with her own guilty conscience and Murphy constantly reminding her the pain that she’s inflicted, it makes sense that to protect her friends, she’d want to take herself out of the mix. To protect them. What was really interesting though was that it was Abby her mind used to try and convince her to take her own life. Is that saying something about what Clarke thinks motherhood is? Or does it speak to her still holding a grudge against her mom as well as herself? Is her subconscious telling us what’s been nagging at me for these two episodes? That we don’t forgive the good doctor yet for her serious lapses in judgement last season.

Bellamy’s rage and paranoia almost made a beeline to Clarke. I’m not surprised. He probably isn’t surprised. She wasn’t surprised. I just hope it was at least therapeutic for him.

All my gold stars go to Echo. She’s the only one that had to face her demons and was able to overcome them long enough to tranq herself. I’m still shocked at how much I’m finding myself liking her. It wasn’t that long ago that she was on the way opposite side of things than team Bellarke. She was smart and levelheaded. I don’t know why I’d expect anything less from a professional spy, but either way I was very impressed.

Then we had Miller scared of his new home turning on him. I think that’s what the fake bugs crawling into him represented. Maybe the way being in the bunker turned out to be a psychological prison and not the safe haven everyone originally fought for? And Jackson was scared of not being able to save his boyfriend. Of not being a good doctor. He does have a lot to live up to following in Abby’s footsteps. Unless I’m interpreting this whole thing all wrong. I still don’t understand the joint hallucination part of it all.

The way the hallucinations manifested themselves in itself was telling about how these characters perceive themselves. Clarke, Echo and Miller turned everything inward because they see their past actions full of guilt. As much as they tell themselves that they didn’t have choices at the time, they still feel the weight of those choices on their backs dragging them down and in some cases dragging other people down with them. But Bellamy and Emori turned their paranoia outward. They are holding grudges against people that they love. They both have long-held and seriously earned trust issues and are always waiting for the next big betrayal; no matter how surrounded by love and family they are, it can be ripped away. It can turn out to be a worthless lie. Your family can shun you, your sister can sacrifice you, your mom can be killed, your friend can abandon you when you need her.

In the sky

First, there was Octavia. She was putting on quite the stoic face but in the end, she was literally asking to be killed. I guess that might also explain that hard exterior in the first place. Either you’re in Wonkru or you’re the enemy of Wonkru, right? She hasn’t stopped picking fights with people since she thawed out. Even calling them cowards for not killing her. It’s nice that we are finally seeing her struggle with the facts of what she did in the bunker. Everything she did was in the name of survival. Clarke and Bellamy have similarly outlandish skeletons in their closets made in the same name, but regret should be a part of the journey too. It’s human to be able to look back and see the mistakes you made but she isn’t really capable. Probably because she was never taught to take responsibility for herself or her actions. She was only ever taught to react and respond to the way other people see her. She was an illegal stow-away since birth as ‘the girl in the floor.’ Then she was Bellamy Blake’s sister when she got to the ground. Then she tried to escape that life altogether and join the grounders only to become ‘sky girl.’ She never even wanted to be the leader in the bunker but Indra twisted her arm and then Abby manipulated her into becoming ‘Bloodreina.’ She clearly isn’t innocent here but I’d like to see her deal with the fears and become a whole person once and for all. Tricking everyone around her into kicking her ass instead of looking for the ship's onboard therapist is the easy way out.

Then so much of Abby’s fear is tied up in Octavia’s every move. She is rightfully scared of how people will react if they find out that it was her the pressured Octavia into enforcing the mandatory cannibalism rule. It’s probably much easier for her to pretend not to remember what she did when everyone’s anger is focused mostly on Bloodreina. Which made it all the more poignant when she stepped in to stop that Wonkru member from taking Octavia’s life. Bloodreina’s death would mean the end of the possibility that her little secret would get out. That’s a far cry from the junkie that tortured Raven, but she still has a ways to go to be the respected doctor we met her as.

Which brings me to Raven. Oh Raven. I’m starting to worry that she is on the Jasper/Monty/Harper train. It feels odd to lump them altogether given that they handled their depression at the loss of faith in humanity in such vastly different ways, but they all went on a spiral that they couldn’t come back from and that is not the future I want for my girl Raven. Okay? Waking Diyoza was the absolute best bet for taking back the bridge and freeing her friends, giving them back the upper hand. But what was the cost? Their ship was invaded and she was technically working in defense of herself and the others, but if they weren’t in real danger, does that matter? Three people still lost their lives and there is no telling what kind of consequences remain to be seen from these actions. And for a character suffering under questions of morality and right-and-wrong and being a good person, these are the questions that will keep her up at night.

Strong episode. 3 out of 4 terrifying children’s books

Bits and pieces

Sanctum is the Latin root of sanctuary.

I liked Josephine and the flashback. It did a good job of priming us for what was about to happen without having it overexplained.

Last week Bellamy said that they wouldn’t shoot first. Then Diyoza shot three people that hadn’t hurt anyone up to that point.

Bellamy kept everyone’s keys. And Clarke kept his. Talk about symbolism for where everyone’s heads are at.

Clarke’s hallucination included a mention of her dad being floated. Talk about a callback.

I have to give it to Diyoza. She really doesn’t suck at negotiation and strategy.

The hijackers noted Octavia has red blood. They were also fairly adamant that something particular be done with the bodies. We have to wait to find out what exactly. Ugh. I can’t take another human experiment or cannibalism plot. I CAN NOT.

Where were those children hiding? Why have restraints in the building if there is a good hideout somewhere?

Are those kids products of the embryos that horny scientist guy was talking about in the flashback?

Will Clarke and Octavia introduce themselves to the Sanctum folks as the Commander of Death and Blood Queen?

Remember back in season one when The 100 ate the nuts that made them all act like they were at a rave? This reminded me of that. Times 5.

Clarke: “What the hell do you want from me, Murphy? I'm sorry, okay? For all of it. I never meant for you to get hurt, but no matter what I do, someone always does. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm the bad guy? Fine, I'll be the bad guy. When I'm in charge people die, isn't that what you said?”

Raven: “You can't leverage dead people.” Diyoza: “You can, if they don't know they're dead.”

Octavia: "If not for you, I would have delivered us safely to that valley. Our sins would have been washed away. McCreary and Diyoza would have surrendered to me. Everything I did would have made sense. Now nothing does."

Laure Mack

[emeraldspiral]

So I saw Venom last night opening weekend but totally forgot about this draft until now.

As I expected, Venom is not good, but it’s not so much that there’s anything exceptionally bad about it. It’s just missing a certain je ne sais quoi that good movies have that make them really satisfying.

It’s more complicated than being, cliche”, “disjointed”, “tonally inconsistent”, or “confused”.

So I’m just gonna say things that I thought about off the top of my head.

There’s an extent to where I feel like it’s nitpicking to call a story cliche, because sometimes a story just demands a certain type of structure. Like, you have to establish what normal is before you can show how the plot device changes things for the main character, then you have to show them struggling to adapt to whatever changes occur because of the plot device, then start to get the hang of things, then have a big setback, then have a triumphant comeback. That I can deal with.

But then there’s stuff like how they handled the villain that just felt incredibly phoned-in.

Like, I think the first scene of him he’s giving this really idealistic speech to a bunch of kids and a girl wants to ask him a question and the other kids shush her for no apparent reason (maybe they just wanted the lecture to be over with because they were bored?) and the bad guy makes this very on the nose speech about how some people like to silence others and stop them from asking questions and I should note that the bad guy is played by Riz Ahmed and the little girl was black. So you think you just got your first hint of what his villainous motive is and you think there’s going to be some kind of political statement. Like he or his parents were speaking out against oppression or something and then they got “silenced” and now he has some radical crackpot theories about solving all the problems of humanity through like, eugenics or something really taboo and now feels like he’s being “silenced” again because everyone’s telling him he’s insane and no one’s ever gonna get on board with his plan. But no, it ends up having nothing to do with his motivation at all. It was just there so he could show his true nature as a hypocrite in the next scene when he “silences” Eddie, specifically for asking questions he didn’t like.

Riz’s actual motivation is just... I don’t even know man. Like, the reason he’s established as a villain from the beginning is that he preys on vulnerable communities to get test subjects who he just slaughters en mass in order to create pharmaceuticals to treat like cancer and stuff. So it’s like, he’s an idealist who wants to save the world, but at the same time he has like no regard for human life. Like, it’s never indicated that he’s in it for profit or power or prestige, so all we’re left with is “He’s simultaneously a bleeding heart and a heartless misanthropic murderer. But the thing that really makes his character seem phoned-in is how they don’t have an explanation for why he’s so reckless and cuts corners and tries to go way too far way too fast with the symbiotes. He’s not under any pressure to produce results, he’s not about to lose funding. He just wants immediate results because...? My best guess is that since Eddie starts the interview listing things he achieved at a ridiculously young age that maybe it’s some kind of commentary about millennials being impatient and wanting instant gratification when it comes to the changes they want to see in the world. Either that or maybe it’s something like the Jurassic Park scientists being so over-eager to do something with their scientific breakthroughs they don’t bother to stop and consider the consequences.

The rules for symbiotes are a little confusing. We’re told they need an “exact match” and we’re shown several times the symbiotes rejecting hosts. But then we also see Venom and Riot just jumping into whatever bodies they want and being fine.

Also, they establish that the symbiotes basically eat the hosts from the inside out even when they are a match, but also need their hosts to survive. Venom tells Eddie that he wouldn’t eat him because he's a strong host and he likes him, but then later we learn that he has been eating his organs after all. Venom denies it, so you think maybe they’re mistaken somehow when they tell him his heart as atrophied. But no, he really was eating Eddie and at the end that’s just resolved with Venom telling Eddie he needs to eat more food if he doesn’t want Venom snacking on his liver. Like, is his heart still atrophied? Can Venom help him rebuild it? Does he need Venom to live now?

One of the biggest issues I take with the movie is how casually it treats cannibalism. Like, it’s a PG-13 movie with cannibalism in it. That alone is kind of unbelievable. But on top of that like, it happens multiple times, and the people involved just barely react to it. No projectile vomiting and curling up into a fetal position or anything. They’re just like “Oh, Venom, in my body, bit that guy’s head off. That’s mildly distressing.”

The other biggest issue I have is that the symbiotes look like shit. Spider-Man 3′s symbiote looked way better. The new symbiotes look incredibly fake, not just because they’re CGI, but like just the concept of them. They don’t look or move like they have real physical properties like mass or texture. They look like they’re trying to go for a liquid or gelatinous look, but it comes out looking like something that would’ve been considered cutting edge 10 years ago in a pre-rendered video-game cutscene.

I liked that the girlfriend at the beginning wasn’t just there to be a part of Eddie’s happy perfect life that he loses and then we never see her again so there was no point getting us invested in her instead of whoever the actual female lead is. She actually comes back and is useful. I also liked that at the end of the movie she didn’t just dump her boyfriend who did nothing wrong to get back with Eddie. But then, they ruined it by having Venom say they were going to win her back.

Which reminds me; why even have the fake-out where we think Venom is dead? There was no explanation for how he survived. No, “Oh, I thought he was gone! But it turns out there was a piece of him left somewhere and he reconstituted himself” or anything. We just cut immediately from “Goodbye Eddie” to “Psych! You totally thought he was really dead didn’t you! JK! He’s still around”. Also, what in-universe reason does Eddie have to lie to his ex the same way the movie lied by making her think Venom is gone? Especially if he’s going to be biting people’s heads off in public as if that’s not going to get back to her?

I also felt like Venom’s relationship with Eddie was underdeveloped. Like, Venom just attaches himself to Eddie, forces him to eat until he pukes, then beats up a bunch of people and suddenly he’s like “I like you Eddie” and “Oh, look at this skyline, maybe I don’t want to destroy the earth after all”. Like, we just met Venom, we didn’t even spend any time establishing what he thought of earth or humanity or Eddie before. We didn’t even know he planned on destroying humanity until he said that he didn’t want to anymore because the skyline was pretty. The only explanation we get for why Venom likes Eddie is him saying that Eddie’s a loser and on his planet, Venom’s a loser too but on earth he’s a badass, and that’s why he wants to keep the other symbiotes from taking over the planet. My pet theory though is that the real reason Venom takes a shine to Eddie is because prior to attaching himself to Eddie, Venom was using a homeless woman who knew Eddie as a host, and because Eddie was nice to her, her positive feelings toward him were transferred to Venom.

The end credits were really cool looking and even though it’s not really my jam I thought it was kinda cool that they wrote an actual song about Venom, (sounded like Eminem, would not be surprised if it was). You know, we really don’t see a whole lot of movies with songs written just for them. Like, Will Smith used to do it back in the 90s but the only other movie I can think of in recent memory that has it’s own song written specifically for and about it, is that David Hasselhoff disco number from the end credits of GotG 2. Even musicals tend to write their songs to be generic enough that they can be divorced from the context of the movie so they can be played on the radio and you can just imagine that they’re talking about you and your non-specific relatable experience.

Also, in the end credits there was a piece that sounded so much like Invader Zim music I was almost convinced Kevin Manthei worked on the film, and it looks like he has done some work with the Spider-Man franchise, but I didn’t see Venom anywhere on his IMDB. So IDK, if it’s just a coincidence, or if the composer was ripping off/inspired by Manthei, or if the music actually was originally composed by Manthei, but was used on a TV series or game first and became iconic enough that they wanted to keep using it, kinda like how they keep using the 60s “Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can” song in every Spider-Man film, even though they also have their own original themes.

If you stick around all the way to the end of the end credits you will actually surprisingly not get trolled with a ten second scene of nothing happening like in a lot of Marvel movies. They actually played a lengthy, like five-ten minute clip from Into the Spider-Verse, which actually got me interested in Into the Spider-Verse. Although I feel like the demographic for that movie is not the same as the demographic for Venom. Venom was clearly an R that got neutered so it could be shown to a wider audience.

The film itself was pretty much entirely self-contained. There are exactly 0 references to the rest of the Marvel Cinematic universe. Nobody gets purged at the end like in Ant-Man and the Wasp, and there’s no reference to it having already happened. Nobody name-drops Tony Stark or any other Avenger, or SHIELD, or anything else in the MCU. The closest they ever get is having Eddie and his girlfriend have thick New York accents and reference having once lived there before Eddie was run out of town. I actually think they did that specifically to avoid having to acknowledge Spider-Man, the Avengers, Dr. Strange, or any other New York based hero or event in the MCU. Likewise, even though it’s set in San Francisco, there’s no references to Ant-Man either.

[thestuckylibrary]

Mod’s Reads: March 2018

Mod Iamnmbr3

But We Can Try by hetrez (complete | 10,567 | G )

Bucky said, "These are love letters, Rogers. You've been drawing me love letters.”

teach your man to fish by silentwalrus (complete | 12,835 | T ) 

Bucky doesn’t deign to stay in Stark Tower for much longer than it takes to completely clean out the kitchens’ fish supply. After slurping down the last oyster and sneering in disgust at the contents of the walk-in freezer, Bucky turns to Steve, pelt over his shoulder, and says, “Where do you live?”

Lonely Dragons by Taste_is_Sweet (complete | 4,813 | T )

Bucky was sitting in the corner where the railing met the building, cross-legged and hunched and of course in the ridiculous moose hoodie plus a quilt around his shoulders. It was the quilt Tony had ordered with vintage Howling Commandos and SSR symbols all over it—score—but the overall effect of Bucky sitting alone and all bundled up like that was just tragic. And adorable. But mostly tragic.

"You look incredibly tragic out here all by yourself like this. Just saying." Tony decided he wasn't going to have to holler for help or call one of his suits, so he fully committed to stepping out onto the balcony. It was, as he'd surmised, fucking cold. Maybe less so if one was wrapped in an awesome quilt and a ridiculous moose hoodie, but still. Tony tightly folded his arms, wishing he'd had the foresight to grab a hoodie himself—or a quilt—instead of just coming out here in his Sisters of Mercy tee-shirt. "Really, you're like, a lost kitten. A lost kitten with antlers. You do know we can afford light and heat and stuff, right?"

Steve, Bucky, and the Tinhat Collective by mypedia (complete | 7,015 | G )

The internet and the Avengers fandom react to the events of Civil War.

***

avengers-daily:

How do they get 200% more attractive when they're covered in dirt

#avengers

2554 notes

the coming of our golden age by buckyjerkbarnes (complete | 2,761 | T )

Bucky’s heart came to a stuttering halt in his chest: Steve, almost obscured if Bucky wasn't so used to finding him in places he wasn't supposed to be, was boot to boot with Thanos. He gripped the golden gauntlet in both his hands, despite one of the purple fucker’s arms being the size of his torso.

The mad titan looked as though his day had just been made.

[Or the one where everything works out and no one dies because I'm stuck in the denial stage. Speaking this into existence!]

A Precarious, Fragile Thing by Taste_is_Sweet for tigriswolf (complete | 6,961 | T )

"I didn't know he did that," Tony said. He knew Bucky liked tucking himself so far under Steve's arm that it was like he was trying to climb into his armpit. But he'd always stayed upright, just kind of plastering himself against Steve's side. This blanket thing was new.

"Seventy years of skin hunger," Steve said. His voice was just as soft, but for a moment his eyes flickered hot with anger, bright as the candy-colored screen. "He was always tactile. Now, when things get…well, sometimes it helps. The contact."

And it looked…nice, the two of them together like that: Comfortable. Familiar. Safe. Tony knew what a precarious, fragile thing it was, to feel safe in the middle of the night.

despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) (WIP | 57,623 | M )

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

Mod Blue

Flush by I_Dont_KnowWhatImDoing (oneshot | 4,923 | E)

Bucky would really like for his life to just be simple, but all evidence suggests that the universe is actively conspiring against this goal. This is further reinforced when Steve Rogers is dragged into his suite, almost completely unable to communicate under the influence of some crazy Wakandan flower, and randy as all hell.

Minimal Property Damage by Nejinee (oneshot | 6,704 | E)

Everyone assumes Bucky's super soldier body will process the gas that's gone and driven others mad with sexual hysteria. Everyone assumes the evil scientists messed up and Bucky's okay. Everyone assumes wrong because no one ever thinks about Steven Grant Rogers.

-

A sex pollen PWP.

Bowties and Bugs by Tsuki_Amano (complete | 41,014 | not rated)

In his line of work, Steve thinks he's seen everything. After all, it's hard to surprise a spy. So when he gets a call from one very disgruntled James Barnes who's handcuffed to a tombstone, it's safe to say they've set a precedent.

Or the one where Steve and Bucky are both spies working for SHIELD and get called in for a rescue mission. Which should be fine because Steve most definitely does not have an earth-shattering crush on Bucky Barnes and his perfect hair. Except he does. And they're playing the role of happily married husbands.

'til you come to me by radialarch (oneshot | 4,978 | T)

"I'll do it," Steve says. "I'll marry Bucky."

(It's because of the Russians.)

sometimes everything is touch and go by santanico (oneshot | 14,180 | E)

Bucky and Steve's mission is to infiltrate a suburban neighborhood as a married couple. In theory, it should be difficult, but it also kind of isn't.

Bucky hesitates. “It’s undercover. We’ve done undercover before.” He shrugs.

Steve laughs again. “This isn’t exactly the same as infiltration under the guise of being regular civilians. What is it again – what did Fury’s email say?” Steve pauses, tapping his chin with his index finger. “ ‘Mr. and Mr. Rogers are a couple who have recently moved into a neighborhood in northern Colorado. You are to maintain an image of high-standing and societal grace.’ That’s not exactly your scene, is it, Buck? Especially the part about being Mr. Rogers.”

Everything (that I couldn't have) by obsessivereader (oneshot | 7,252 | T)

“You don’t have to do this, Steve.” Bucky pushes away the letter from the Russian government demanding that one Dmitri Batischev, alias the Winter Soldier, be surrendered to them to stand trial for his crimes.

Steve hesitates in the doorway. Bucky must’ve heard the tail end of his conversation with Pepper. Now he looks tired, and resigned, and so done and Steve fucking hates that Bucky keeps getting dealt shit hand after shit hand. “I want to.” He hopes Bucky can hear the conviction in his voice. “I’m not losing you again.”

“But getting married? You think that’s gonna work?”

Satellite (I'm Part Of You) by Brenda (oneshot | 4,190 | E)

"I'm okay, Steve." Bucky raised his hand to cup Steve's jaw, his thumb slowly stroking over stubble.

Steve shuddered once, all over, then brought his own hand up to cover Bucky's. Felt the calluses and nicks, the steady pulse beating at his wrist. "I thought I was gonna lose you again."

Bucky gave him a small, fond smile. "I thought I was gonna lose you."

The Arsonist's Choir by Brenda (complete | 11,911 | E)

"It's Bucky," Steve added, helplessly. The buyer was now sitting at Mikhailov's table, but the mission seemed unimportant. "He's been arrested. In Texas. And, uh, apparently, we're married."

"Congratulations," Natasha replied, with a small grin. "Are you registered anywhere?"

yoga mesh by wearing_tearing (oneshot | 2,293 | M)

“You could just be honest with him,” Nat suggests. Beside her, Sam nods.

Bucky levels them both with a flat look. “This past weekend I asked if he wanted to go out on a date and Steve said not to be funny because, and I quote, ‘Where would we even find dates this late?’”

it's actually like you're photoshopped by biblionerd07 (oneshot | 11,870 | G)

Steve's relationship with Bucky violates a workplace policy. So, backed into a corner by his well-meaning but meddlesome coworkers, he does what anyone would do. He makes up a fake boyfriend. He just hopes it doesn't cause problems with his real boyfriend.

M is for Murder by rohkeutta (oneshot | 4,196 | M)

I’m pretty low on funds and need to make ends meet this month, Barnes types slowly into a new post three days later. I’m taking commissions for hits in the New York City area.

Will Not Kill: Captain America or other Avengers. Will partially refund payment if target turns out to be HYDRA. Will not go to Jersey. No dismemberment or killing children. Message for negotiations and payment details.

build it bigger than the sun by defcontwo (oneshot | 10,083 | T)

“Yeah, because nothing says heteronormative like living in Dupont Circle for two years and wearing skin-tight shirts to hit on hot airmen when you go running in the morning.”

“Look, I know you’re being sarcastic but I really don’t get how no one picked up on that.”

Steve and Bucky try to work out their relationship. The Avengers keep getting in the way.

The Spotless by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (oneshot, restricted | 5,640 | T) (reread)

Steve, the face on the screen said, dropping its gaze. I wanted to say first of all, thank you for everything you've done for me. I've had a lot of time to think here in Wakanda, and... A sigh, seventy years of weariness in one breath.

Then he looks up again. I wasn't worth it.

Bucky chooses to fix himself. And Steve realises he's nearly lost Bucky again, because he's been too busy being Captain America to be a friend.

Part 1 of Spotless

From You Have I Been Absent In The Spring by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (oneshot, restricted | 9,411 | E) (reread)

Natasha bangs on his door that evening. “Steve, nobody's seen or heard from you in three days. I'm invading the sadness palace. I have ice cream.” Then: “Five seconds until I pick the lock.” 

Part 2 of Spotless

Lucky Seven by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (complete, restricted | 94,364 | E) (reread)

Captain America trashes his motorcycle a lot. Tony says he'll fix it, then never gets around to it and just buys him a new one. Steve, the Depression-era kid, can't stand the waste and goes looking for somewhere near him in Brooklyn where he can get his bike fixed. That's how he finds Red Star Bike Repair, and the hot Russian-immigrant bike racer who runs it: all long hair and muscles and tattoos. And for the first time since he woke from the ice, Steve feels a connection to someone; a comfort in the other man's silences and his space, an attraction in his sheer skill at racing. But James Barnes isn't exactly who he seems...

Happy Accidents by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (complete, restricted | 29,777 | E) (reread)

Bucky's still in cryo. Steve is in New York, angry and unsettled. And then Trump takes a photo in front of a Captain America mural like Steve has ever supported anything he says or does. So Steve enlists Pepper to throw a costume gala for LGBTQIA causes, and to celebrate his coming out.

It's a terrible idea, especially when a bunch of people come dressed as Bucky.

But then Steve meets a tall dark stranger...

These American Dreams (ain’t no white picket fences left for me) by kariye (oneshot | 50,608 | E)

In which Bucky has a house, a dog, an herb garden, and a serious case of insomnia. Welcome to Havensport, Indiana (population 8,294), where Tom’s Neighborhood Grocer stays open all night, little old ladies call the car shop to get their refrigerators repaired, and the heat of summer days and the length of summer nights can make you think that this perfect world will last forever.

Highest Bidder by Brenda (oneshot | 2,774 | M)

"Bidding will start at $5,000, ladies and gentlemen. $5,000 for an evening spent in the charming company of one of the most eligible bachelors in all of New York. The winning bidder will be chauffeured to Mr. Barnes' private yacht, where you'll both share a meal exquisitely prepared by his own personal chef, and a sunset cruise around the harbor. Who says romance is dead." The MC smiled, looking like nothing so much as a very hungry shark.

"$50,000!" Steve called, shocking everyone in the room – and himself – into silence.

The MC blinked. His perfect, plastic smile melted right off his face. "Uh...could you...I'm sorry, what was that?"

Part 1 of Going Once, Going Twice, Sold...

Contract Negotiations by Brenda (oneshot | 4,623 | E)

“If I don't get my mouth on you in the next twenty seconds..." Steve shuddered and paused as he looked up at Bucky like an acolyte seeking favor. "I need...can I? Please?"

"God yes, anything you want," Bucky breathed, and lifted his hips so Steve could tug his slacks and boxers down to his ankles. He was on board with anything – anything at all – as long as Steve didn't stop.

Part 2 of Going Once, Going Twice, Sold...

Booty Call by Brenda (oneshot | 6,703 | E)

Bucky leaned in, rubbed a light, lingering kiss to Steve's parted lips. "Why don't you tell me what you need," he whispered, his breath mingling with Steve's. "Tell me what you need from me."

"I just..." Steve's absurdly long lashes fluttered. He blinked, his eyes already glazing over with desire and want and trust, and it was the trust that shot through Bucky like a bullet. "I just don't want to think for awhile. I just...I want you to..." He paused, swallowed, adam's apple bobbing. "I need you to take me out of my own head for a couple of hours. Can you do that?"

Part 3 of Going Once, Going Twice, Sold...

Public Offering by Brenda (oneshot | 6,960 | E)

"Missed you so much...so fucking much," Steve moaned, then dove back in, his tongue curling, slick and heated, against Bucky's own.

Bucky just deepened the kiss, biting and sharp, slid his tongue alongside Steve's until all he could feel, all he knew, was Steve and only Steve. His touch, his scent, the solid feel of his body, the greedy moans as kiss slid into kiss. Nothing existed outside of this bubble of heat and desire.

"On your knees," he ordered, in the hushed space between them. "I want you to show everyone how sweet you look when you're choking on my cock."

Part 4 of Going Once, Going Twice, Sold...

Closing the Deal by Brenda (oneshot | 10,212 | E)  

Bucky clicked the vibrator off with a smile that morphed into an outright grin at Steve's frustrated growl. "I am gonna have so much fun tonight."

"You're a dick," Steve huffed, but nuzzled Bucky's nape, breathing him in – the hint of woodsy, expensive cologne, the clean smell of soap, and under it, Bucky's own natural scent. Everything about him addictive, and Steve was – as always – completely at his mercy.

"Oh, don't worry, me and my dick have some definite plans for you later," Bucky said, and laced his fingers with Steve's, their palms sliding together perfectly.

Part 5 of Going Once, Going Twice, Sold...

Honeypot by cleo4u2, xantissa (complete | 133,204 | E)

Preconditions: One Sasha Marozow - internationally renowned assassin for hire, known as the Winter Soldier, ex-Hydra operative freelancing for the last five years; One Steve Rogers, Captain America - recently defrosted national hero and Avenger; One assassination contract; One set-up known in the intelligence community as the “honeytrap”.

Expected Result: One Winter Soldier in custody, the name of his employer attained.

Actual result: Definitely not as expected.

Part 1 of Honeypot

Give Up the Ghost by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 19,518 | E)

They were happy together and the year had been good for them. They thought nothing could tear them apart. They were wrong.

Part 2 of Honeypot

The Chosen Verb: Fuck by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 14,295 | E)

“God,' he said, 'I have to have you.' 'Take me. Own me. Use me. Pick a verb. Just please.' 'Fuck you. I'm going to fuck you. That's my verb.” ― C.D. Reiss, Resist

OR

Steve needs Bucky, needs him to fuck him, to break him, to own him. What happens after Steve’s doctors clear him for more strenuous activity.

Part 3 of Honeypot

Cracked Mirror by cleo4u2, xantissa (complete | 34,497 | E)

The Avengers stumble upon an infinity gem while clearing out a smuggler’s lair. The result? Bucky Barnes is back from 1940, reminding both Steve and Sasha how much he’s changed.

Part 4 of Honeypot

Demonique by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (complete | 38,959 | E)

“Oh come on, Steve. You look at me like you want to put me on a pedestal and worship me. You look at Barnes like you want to tear his clothes off with your teeth. Tell me why you two aren’t...?” Peggy smirks at him, because of course this amuses her greatly.

Steve fidgets, trying not to blush. “Peggy, I can’t—“

Peggy steps closer. “Steve. Is this an American peculiarity? Because in the British army, as long as you’re discreet, that sort of thing between two men is fine. I mean, some of our greatest war heroes, and so on.”

“It’s not... that...” Steve cringes.

It’s Bucky’s tentacles.

And how badly he wants them inside him.

Into Infinity by rooonil_waazlib (complete | 6,888 | T)

Clint hadn’t said that Mr Barnes was such a goddamn DILF, tall and lean and dark-haired, skin a tiny bit tanned like he’d spent a day at Coney Island. Not even five years older than Steve. His face could be my throne, Steve thinks, madly, nearly choking himself on the thought.

Then the guy grins. Steve’s fucked. “You must be Steve.”

Part 1 of And Beyond

Sick Day by rooonil_waazlib (oneshot | 6,026 | E)

There, in the big leather recliner that looks out over the water, Adrienne is curled up in Bucky’s lap, swaddled in blankets, both asleep. Steve wants to draw them, wants to capture the ease with which they fit together, the gentleness with which Bucky holds his daughter.

Part 3 of And Beyond

The Manny by LilyInTheSnow (WIP | 54,052 | M)

Steve needs a nanny for his twins. Bucky needs a job and secretly adores kids. Natasha thinks they both need a husband. Or to at least get laid. Either way, it works. Or would if they'd get their shit together.

The thing that drives the wolves away by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 7,876 | T) (reread)

The thing about Bucky these days is that, while he might be a semi-mythical assassin, he's also vulnerable—the kind of vulnerable that makes total strangers want to drape a blanket over his shoulders and take him to safety. The problem is, of course, that Bucky is already safe.

The first time it happens, Bucky has no idea how to react. He and Steve are walking down the street, when a slight woman takes in Bucky’s terrified eyes, the dark circles so bad they almost look like bruises, and Steve’s protective hand resting on his lower back, guiding him down the busy sidewalk (but it must look possessive, to someone looking for a sign), and comes to the wrong conclusion.

You Will Meet a Stranger by spitandvinegar (oneshot | 3,061 | M) (reread)

When the mask falls off Steve recoils.

He'll never forgive himself.

Mod Julia

Kintsugi (Call It Love) by Anna_Heyward (oneshot | 28,653 | E)

Lt. James "Bucky" Barnes has had a long day. A cargo plane from Kabul, a 3 hour flight from Istanbul, and another 8-hour flight from Amsterdam, and he's finally made it to JFK. Just two more flights to go - one to Minneapolis, another to Fairbanks - and he'll be back at base. He can pack up his stuff, head back home to Brooklyn, and be a civilian again. He's got his discharge papers; all he has to do now is get through 12 more hours of flying and this long day will be over.

But the hot stranger he's seated next to on his flight has Bucky wishing that Minneapolis was a little farther away.

The Biggest Part of Me by Anna_Heyward (complete | 69,992 | E)

Newly divorced single dad Steve Rogers moves his kids from the suburbs to Brooklyn to start their new life together, and becomes captivated by the young man who works at the coffee shop downstairs from Steve’s apartment.

Bucky Barnes is 25 years old, working part-time in a coffee shop and still living with his mom. When a handsome single dad in a pinch offers Bucky a job as his nanny, Bucky takes him up on it.

It could be lethal (sleeping with a friend) by asleepygay (oneshot | 2,674 | T)

He’s in Steve’s room because it’s closer to the door in the apartment they share. And he’s starting to remember that they were very impatient last night.

Last night. Christ

-

drinks are had, sex is had, feelings are had

Lazy Sunday by Chiyume (oneshot | 2,231 | E)

“Watch it,” Bucky drawls. “Or you’re gonna end up in trouble.” He meets Steve’s eye, and Steve looks right back. The change in his gaze is minute – barely enough to notice unless you know exactly what to look for. Bucky, however, does know, and as Steve swallows tightly, Bucky feels his own lips widen in a smirk. “Oh,” he breathes. “So that’s how it is?”

In which Steve wakes up with a craving, and Bucky is all too happy to oblige.

Luck of the Irish Stroll by GoldBlooded (oneshot | 8,626 | E)

Every year Steve and Sam go on the Irish Stroll Bar Crawl, and ever since their first time on the Stroll four years ago, Steve and Sam cross paths with Bucky and Natasha.

Every year they drink and celebrate in a little group, and every year Steve’s world is rocked by the gorgeous, blue-eyed man that has captivated him since they first locked eyes fighting over a couple of pints of Guinness from the bartender.

Captain Cosplay by alby_mangroves, Ignisentis (oneshot | 9,184 | T)

James Barnes loves to cosplay as Captain America, and not just because he's damn good at it, either. No, it's the feeling he gets when he puts on the suit, the light in people's eyes when they see him, the thrill of getting the details just right. It also helped him feel connected to New York after he moved back there for work. Well, cosplay and his landlord,Clint. So when Bucky gets an invitation to his dream cosplay event, hosted by none other than Tony Stark and judged by the Avengers themselves, he knows he has to pull out all the stops and make a new Cap cosplay: the elusive Stealth Suit. Clint turns out to be surprisingly resourceful in that endeavor, and Bucky's more than pleased with how his cosplay turns out. As the day of the event dawns, he can only hope that Steve Rogers feels the same way.

A Vision of Ecstasy by a_splash_of_stucky (oneshot | 2,664 | E)

Sometimes, sex should just be had for the sake of exploration.

Smile by TheLocket (oneshot | 8,463 | M)

When an official Captain America press event runs over, the whole crew gets stuck in Cincinnati overnight. With only a few rooms left at the hotel, Bucky offers to bunk with Steve—how bad could it be? But he forgot how awful Steve can be as a roommate. He has no personal space. He never wears clothes. And, even worse, he smells really good.

Bucky is in for a rough night.

the blood is the life by obsessivereader (oneshot | 3,357 | M)

He can smell them when Bucky comes back to the apartment late at night. Different men, their colognes wafting off him as he lets himself in and walks past the living room where Steve’s always waiting. It may not be every night, but it’s at least two, or sometimes even three, times a week.

Tonight is no different. Bucky keeps his head down as he walks past. He goes straight into his room and closes the door behind him with a finality that means Bucky won’t be emerging till morning. The sound of the shower starts up not two minutes later.

Steve sits alone in the living room, the scent of cologne hanging in the air like an interloper in the apartment. He can’t help thinking Why not me.

weary of war by endofadream (oneshot | 3,190 | E)

Bucky’s fingers slip.

This time, he manages to scream the name: “Steve!”

You Could Be Mine by lambchop33 (complete | 33,818 | E)

Bucky Barnes never sees it coming when his buddy, Sam Wilson brings his buddy, Captain America, to visit him while he's recuperating in a hospital after a car accident.

He never sees it coming when he finds out sexy, courageous, self-sacrificing Steve Rogers is also... lonely.

One more thing he doesn't see coming? That he could possibly be the one destined to become the friend, the lover that Steve has been searching for ever since he came out of the ice.

Or, the smutty Valentine's season AU no one asked for...