#incorrect wolf 359

[podcastgalore]

Minkowski- Eiffel if we get out of this alive I will kill you

Eiffel- so what’s my incentive to live?

[dysfunctionalcreature]

if anyone's ever wondered why I ship Heiffel so hard, it's because on my first listen-thru, years and years ago, I got to this scene in episode 15 What's Up Doc? and I legitimately believed (for like however many minutes it took Hilbert to actually explain the Decima thing) with all of my heart and soul that Hilbert stopped Minkowski cause he was secretly in love with Eiffel and Minkowski had figured it out and that's why she thought threatening to kill Eiffel would work

[ladymiraclewings]

Blitz: Moxxie, could you please initiate Fizz Protocol T? Fizzarolli: Hello? Blitz? Moxxie, what did Blitz mean by Protocol T? How many Fizzarolli Protocols are there?

[fos-tis-zois]

Osamu: I can believe you publicly murdered the queen but I draw the line at freestyle jazz! Suna: You can believe that i publicly murdered the queen?!

[tears0f0ri0n]

WELCOME TOO W359 INCORRECT QUOTES

**Hilbert:** Where’s my chair?

**Hera:** Minkowski broke it over Eiffel’s back while they were wrestling.

**Eiffel:** Correction, Minkowski was wrestling. *I* was eating soup.

**Minkowski:** I'm bored.

**Hera:** Wanna commit first degree murder?

**Minkowski:** Sure!

**Eiffel, hearing them:** No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Hilbert down!!

**Minkowski:** For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

**Eiffel, Hilbert, & Hera:** Okay.

**Minkowski:** If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

**Eiffel:** Bold of you to assume I have money.

**Hilbert:** Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

**Hera:** Bold of you to assume I can die.

**Hera:** You know you can die from that, right?

**Eiffel:** *smoking a cigarette* That’s the point.

**Hilbert:** *drinking alcohol* We’re trying to speed this up.

**Minkowski:** *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

[what-life-is-really-like]

Minkowski: I heard an interesting rumor today.

Eiffel: Only one? I started at least twelve.

[incorrect-idolmastersidem-quotes]

Kaoru: I would like to point out, again, that neither of you are wearing your safety goggles. Teru: Those are for nerds. Tsubasa: Yeah. Nerds. Kaoru: They're important if you want to have nerdy things like eyes.

[petrichorandarson]

Kaz: Now, if there isn’t anything else…

Nina: my mother just died!

Kaz: …excuse me?

Nina: um. my… very dear mother just died. tragically.

Kaz: Nina, we all know you don’t talk to your mother.

Jesper: my mother just died?

Kaz: no, Jesper.

[fla5hbin]

Minffel incorrect quotes

Minkowski: I'm moron-sexual.

Eiffel: I think we lost our last tube of toothpaste...ok I lost it.

Minkowski, already undressing: Eiffel, you're so fucking stupid...

[tiny-feral-arachnid-man]

On this morning's episode of Rotating Wolf 359 In My Brain™️, some incorrect quotes!

Minkowski: What the fuck.

Eiffel: Why don't you ever say 'good morning' to me anymore? :,(

Minkowski: Because you always do something that makes me say 'what the fuck' before I can do that. Why is the kitchen on fire??

Hera: ...we made pancakes? 🥺👉👈

[emmikay]

Alonzo: On Tuesday we'll be having another chess tournament.

Victoria: Given Misto’s uninterrupted fifty-three-week winning streak, he has agreed to play blindfolded and without rooks, bishops, or queens.

[captain-lovelace]

People are bribing others to vote for Glenn so in the spirit of fairness, send me proof of having voted Lovelace and I will send you a picture of my guppies and/or my cat!

Sexiest Podcast Character — Scripted Champion vs Unscripted Champion

[stinky-fuck-swag]

Aaand here's the brackets!

Wacky ass formatting, i know- Matchups under the cut, polls will be starting soon!

(note: i know nothing about like. 80% of these characters. if their names or where theyre from is incorrect, just lmk cuz i have NOO IDEAA) also i am fully aware of every mistake made in this bracket. whoops

BRACKET A, SIDE A

Henry Oak (Dungeons and Daddies) VS Normal Oak (Dungeons and Daddies season 2

Zora Salazar (Epithet Erased) VS Stink (Epithet Erased)

Anders (Dragon Age) VS Isabela (Dragon Age)

Deandra the new girl (Most Popular Girls in School) VS Peach (real life)

Randy Jade (Dialtown) VS Phonegingi (Dialtown)

Stunky (Pokemon) VS Stinkeye (Yo-kai Watch)

Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) VS Dimple (Mob Psycho 100)

Moonbeam McSwine (Li'l Abner) VS Marc Spector (Marvel Comics)

Link (BOTW) VS Lt. Columbo (Columbo)

Yoda (Star Wars) VS Shaggy (Scooby Doo)

Dob the Half Orc Bard (Oxventure Dungeons and Dragons) VS Caleb Widogast (Critical Role campaign 2)

Shinjiro Aragaki (Persona 3) VS Ryuji Sakamoto (Persona 5)

Gyro Zepelli (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) VS Guido Mista (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Tokkori (Kirby right back at ya) VS Jotaro Kujo (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Elon Musk (real life. sadly) VS Berdly (Deltarune)

Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune) VS Susie (Deltarune)

BRACKET A, SIDE B

The Great Mighty Poo (Conker) VS The Poop Smith (Homestar Runner)

Michael Afton (Five Nights at Freddy’s) VS Springtrap (Five Nights at Freddy’s)

Manjoume Jun/Chazz Princeton (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX) VS Datz Are'bal (Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice)

Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) VS Humans in general (Star Trek)

Captain Rockhopper (Club Penguin) VS King Micah of Bright Moon (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Frank Gallagher (Shameless) VS Remus Sanders (Sanders Sides)

The Riddler (Batman: Arkham Knight) VS Power (Chainsaw Man)

Charlie Kelly (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) VS Every Dog (real life)

c!Technoblade (Dream SMP) VS c!Wilbur Soot (Dream SMP)

Harrier Du Bois (Disco Elysium) VS Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Submitters Brother (real life) VS Prosperity Redding (The Dreadful Tale of Prosper Redding)

Izutsumi (Dungeon Meshi) VS Goobleck (Just Roll With It)

Enoch O'Connor (Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children) VS Smores (real life)

Lady Macbeth (Macbeth) VS Erik (The Phantom of the Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber musical & movie))

The Voters (Tumblr) VS Equius Zahhak (Homestuck)

Rotten Apple (Showvember) VS Loki (real life)

BRACKET B, SIDE A

Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) VS Smudge (Cascão) (Monica’s Team (Turma da Monica))

Oscar the Grouch (Sesame Street) VS Stinky Pete (Toy Story 2)

Toko Fukawa (Danganronpa) VS L (Death Note)

Stink Bomb (Skylanders: SWAP Force) VS Slugcat (Rain World)

Thorfinn (Vinland Saga) VS Vice (Kamen Rider Revice)

Dr. Iceberg (SCP Foundation) VS Dr. Alto Clef (SCP Foundation)

Ash Ketchum (Pokemon) VS Doug Eiffel (Wolf 359)

Estinien Wyrmblood (Final Fantasy XIV) VS Alphinaud Leveilleur (Final Fantasy XIV)

Raphael Hamato (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) VS Gobber (How To Train Your Dragon)

Keaton (Fire Emblem Fates) VS Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

Bill Lenz (Black Christmas 1974) VS Stinkor (Masters of the Universe)

The Sewer Urchin (The Tick (1994 Animated Series)) VS Macaque (Lego Monkie Kid)

Barfbat (Ward (Parahumans series)) VS Kevin (Synthesizer V)

Yellowfang (Warrior Cats) VS Big Mac (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Heppokomaru (Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo) VS Captain 3 (Splatoon 3)

Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls) VS Linus (Stardew Valley)

BRACKET B, SIDE B

Jeong-Jeong (Avatar: The Last Airbender) VS Pigpen (Peanuts)

Beelzebub (Good Omens) VS Stinkfly (Ben 10)C

Hiravias (Pillars of Eternity) VS Chell (Portal)

Murdoc Niccals (Gorillaz) VS Bacterian (Dragon Ball)

Captain K'nuckles (The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) VS Kimchi (Chowder)

Stinky (Moomins) VS Stinky (Animal Crossing)

Mitchell Shephard (Hunt Down the Freeman) VS Melly Plinius (Identity V)

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece) VS Yato (Noragami)

THAT FUCKING THING IN YOUR BANNER (my banner lol) VS Harold (Fallout 1, 2, and 3)

Barik of the Stone Shields (Tyranny) VS Samuel Gladiator (Yandere High School (minecraft roleplay))

John Hart (Torchwood) VS Orochimaru (Naruto)

Dung Defender/Ogrim (Hollow Knight) VS Zane (Borderlands)

Pumbaa (The Lion King) VS Enki (Fear and Hunger)

Goro Majima (Yakuza) VS Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)

Finn Mertins (Farmworld) (Adventure Time) VS John Doe (John Doe / John Doe+)

Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls) VS Ed Sheeran (ginger people fandom)

[seaphoam-writes]

A Father's Duty (7/?)

A Father's Duty on AO3

Summary: An encounter with a quantum fissure leaves Picard with more responsibility than he asked for, but he'll do what he always does—his duty.

Chapter 7

Inside the bag, Picard discovers a bundle of papers and a handful of isolinear chips. He puts the papers aside, sits at his desk, and slots one of the chips into his computer. It contains what appears to several months’ worth of the other Data’s personal logs; Picard skims through them before taking the chip out and setting it aside for another—as expected, the second chip contains more of the same, but as he’s skimming those logs he notices Louis in the background, so he rewinds and watches from the beginning.

As Data’s detailing their lukewarm reception aboard the USS Phoenix, Louis appears behind him. Holding a metal foil, the boy scrambles onto a chair. Once his footing is secure, he raises the foil, shouts, “En garde!” and vaults from one piece of furniture to the next.

His leap carries him out of view, but there’s a loud thwack, followed by an, “Oof!”

Data stops, turns in his chair, and regards Louis, still off-screen. He recorded his logs in English, but here he switches to French. “Are you alright?”

“Oui,” Louis replies.

“The furniture is for sitting or lying down. Please do not jump on it.” There’s a pause, and then Data asks, “From where did you obtain that foil?”

“I replicated it.”

“When?”

“Just now.”

"Please return it to the replicator. Objects such as those are for—”

“The holodeck only, I know,” Louis huffs. He reappears in the background. “Can we go climbing?”

“I must complete my log entry first. Have you finished your homework?”

“Yes.”

“Then you may read or draw until I am done.”

“And then we can go climbing?” Louis prompts.

“And then we can go climbing,” Data agrees. He begins turning back towards his computer, but halts halfway. “Louis.”

Louis was retreating but freezes, shoulders hunching guiltily, the foil clutched to his chest with both hands. “Yes?”

“I asked you to return the foil to the replicator.”

Louis huffs again but obeys, managing to convey total unwillingness in every line of his body as he moves towards the replicator in the corner. He mutters something too low for Picard to make out—too low for even the computer to pick up—but Data replies, “That statement is incorrect. I have allowed you to ‘have fun’ approximately 87 times this past year alone .”

Louis giggles, and Picard gets the distinct impression that he baited Data purposely for that exact reaction.

Hope flares briefly in Picard’s chest, and he smiles; to see Louis acting like a normal child fills him with optimism—if the boy was not broken by the events of Wolf 359 and the aftermath, then he’s resilient enough to survive shifting realities as well.

It’s going to take time, Deanna told him.

Picard can be patient, and he can be what Louis needs him to be in order to restore the boy he just witnessed in Data’s logs, a boy that giggles and jokes and jumps on the furniture.

And fences, Picard thinks with glee.

Louis isn’t visible for the remainder of the log, but a portion of it is dedicated to him: the results of the physical he received upon boarding the Phoenix (“I got taller!” Louis crows), an update on his schooling, and a detailing of several mundane occurrences that Picard nevertheless drinks in like a man dying of thirst.

As he reaches for a fourth isolinear chip, he notices that one of them is markedly different from the others. He picks that one up and inserts it into his computer. It contains only three videos, all of which appear to be rather short. Curious, he plays the first.

It’s a home video, and Picard recognizes the setting immediately: his own quarters. Kneeling on the floor beside the coffee table is Louis, clearly several years younger, playing what looks like a flat keyboard. He makes an error, shakes his head. A voice from off screen encourages him—a woman’s voice, soft and melodic.

Nella Daren.

Picard tenses in anticipation, but she doesn’t appear, only murmurs, “Keep going, LJ. You’ve almost got it. Try again.”

LJ?

Does Louis’s middle name begin with a J?

On the screen, Louis nods in response to his mother, starts over with a furrowed brow, and when he plays it correctly he turns, grinning proudly.

Picard expects Nella to react but it’s him—his other self.

“Well done, mon fils!”

Fast as lightning, Picard’s hand darts out and halts the video.

It’s disconcerting, knowing it’s him but not really him, and he’s not ready to see it. He shoves his computer across the desk, as if that small act can purge his anxiety, and reaches instead for the stack of papers, hoping whatever they contain will distract him.

They’re drawings, and with pure delight he realizes they’re Louis’s drawings.

Charmed would accurately describe his first impression of the boy’s artwork. There’s a skill present in his drawings that speaks of genuine talent, and it’s as if Picard is seeing the world through Louis’s eyes.

Shuffling through them, Picard feels a swoop of recognition—of empathy. Drawing is a solitary activity. Louis must not have had many friends his age thus far, and Picard can relate to that.

He’s examining an illustration of a starbase when his door chimes.

Not wanting to raise his voice, Picard goes to the door. It’s Deanna. She’s smiling, and dread settles in his stomach, heavy as lead. Nevertheless, he returns her smile, strained though it may be.

“Are you here to check on me, or Louis?” he asks.

“Both,” she replies. “May I come in?”

Picard knows the only way out is through, and regardless of his desire to keep his own inner workings private, he does both need and want her help regarding Louis, so he moves aside so she can enter and gestures for her to sit on his sofa, explaining quietly that Louis is asleep.

“How is he doing?” she asks.

Her question requires the answer that Beverly’s did not, so Picard relays the events of the afternoon, from entering their quarters to returning from Ten Forward.

Deanna listens to the entire tale before presenting her opinion. “I believe your assessment is correct, Captain: it’s important for Louis to begin seeing the Enterprise as his home and the crew as his family. He needs to feel anchored here.”

The dread evaporates, and a tension he didn’t realize he was holding onto unwinds in his gut. He didn’t muck things up entirely, then.

“We can come up with a list of people it would be good for him to make connections with,” Deanna continues. “And we can also discuss how best to introduce him to people he may know from his own past, beginning with Data.”

Picard sighs. “Yes, I was thinking about that. He can hardly avoid Data forever.”

“I don’t think he should avoid Data at all. When Louis saw Data in sickbay, he felt betrayed and angry. I think he needs to come to terms with these feelings in order to move on from them.”

Picard thinks of the logs, deliberately gathered and put in a bag along with a meticulously compiled portfolio of Louis’s drawings—sending Louis here was premeditated, but Picard doesn’t think Louis was aware of that plan until the moment Data pressed the memory chip into his hand, seconds before beaming him onto the Enterprise.

Picard understands Louis’s reaction, but he doesn’t it to prevent him from building a relationship with Data here.

“Perhaps holding a memorial for the other Data will help Louis find some closure,” he suggests.

“I think that’s a good idea, Captain. Would you like me to make the arrangements?”

“No, I’ll take care of them, thank you.”

Momentarily, there’s a silence in which Deanna regards him with an expression that’s as ominous as storm clouds on the horizon, then she says, “There’s something else I wanted to discuss with you, Captain.”

“Oh?”

He tries to subtly take a deep breath but he’s so clearly braced for impact that Deanna smiles.

“Have you given any thought to how you’ll inform the crew?”

“Must I?”

Deanna chuckles, entirely aware of how much he values his privacy. “I regret to inform you that I’ve already heard the rumors that you were seen in Ten Forward with a child. Some people even seem to think that the child looks just like you.”

Picard grimaces. That’s not ideal.

“The rumors will only spread further, Captain, and the crew will draw their own conclusions. If you want to control the narrative, you’ll have to address it yourself. You don’t have to go into all the details, but you will have to explain Louis’s presence in some way that’s…satisfactory.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, Data wasn’t the only one on the bridge when Louis was beamed aboard. Nor was Beverly alone in sickbay.”

“Ah.”

Whispers of what happened on the bridge during the night shift will have spread from those who witnessed it, along with security and Beverly’s nurses, meaning there’s no way to pretend that Louis came aboard the ship in any manner other than the way in which he did.

“You’ll have to tell Starfleet command as well,” Deanna adds.

Picard blinks. He hadn’t considered that. They’ll want to meet Louis. They may want to run their own tests—he is from another quantum reality, unique as far as Picard’s aware. Perhaps they’ll even want to question him, determine whether he knows anything about the Borg that could be useful here.

But surely Data can provide such information? Picard won’t let Louis be interrogated. Or poked and prodded like some science experiment.

“I’ll draft a report for the crew,” he says, the words bitter in his mouth. “I’d like you to review it; you know better than I how it will be interpreted by the crew. And after that I’ll submit a report to Starfleet.”

“If I may make a suggestion, sir?”

“Of course.”

“Take your time with your report to Starfleet. It can wait for—oh, I don’t know, three days?”

Picard quirks an eyebrow. “Have you been talking to Beverly?”

“Yes,” she says, unashamedly. “Those of us that care about you are…worried.”

“Worried?”

About me?

“You’ve found yourself in an unimaginable situation. Some people might think it a burden—”

“It’s not a burden,” Picard says quickly. “It’s just…”

“A big change.”

“Yes. It’s a…big change.”

Deanna suddenly looks past him, and Picard turns to find Louis standing in the doorway uncertainly. He changed out of his pajamas and back into regular clothes, but his hair’s rumpled and there’s a crease down one side of his face from the pillow.

“Hello, Louis,” Deanna says brightly. “Do you remember me?”

Louis nods, eyes darting to Picard.

“We weren’t introduced before,” Deanna continues. “My name is Deanna. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Louis murmurs.

“I just came by to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m okay.”

He’s still by the door. Picard extends an arm towards him. “Venez ici.”

Come here.

He says it gently, the way his mother used to when she wanted to embrace him, and Louis comes immediately to his side, leans into him.

Deanna’s beaming. “You feel safe here,” she says. “With your father.”

Louis’s reply is another nod, but there’s a smile hovering at the corners of his mouth.

Deanna stands. “Well, I need to be going, but I’d like to see you again, Louis. Would it be okay if I visited you tomorrow?”

Louis looks at Picard, but Picard merely raises a brow, prompting Louis to respond. Louis meets Deanna’s eyes and says, shyly, “Yes.”

“Wonderful.”

Picard escorts her to the door. When she’s gone, he turns to Louis. Louis looks back.

“We have some time yet before dinner,” Picard starts. “I was thinking we could…”

He almost says fence or go climbing, but perhaps those activities are best left for another day. In any case, he has something even better in mind.

“I was looking at your drawings earlier, and I thought we could look at them together, and you could tell me about them.”

Louis grins. His eyes light up, and for a second—just for a second--it’s like looking at the boy he saw in Data’s logs.

[what-life-is-really-like]

[During Mission Mishaps - A Little Night Music] Eiffel: *ranting about Canon in D* Minkowski: I'd say that the pressure's finally gotten to Eiffel, but what pressure?

[incorrect-idolmastersidem-quotes]

[Sleepover at Jun's place...] Jun: You really got to work on your bedside manner though, Natsuki. Natsuki: Beside manner is like anaesthetic, it just gets in the way of what needs to be done.