#incorrect eldritch hall quotes

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Jeff: *talking to Ben*

Ben: *Not responding/listening*

Jack G: He's not got his ears in, love. Having a hearing break today.

[Jack taps in front of Ben]

Jack, signing: Resting your ears today, Bean?

Ben: uh-huh.

[He looks to his side, and sees Jeff]

Ben, signing: Sorry, Jeff. Didn't hear.

Jeff: ...oh.

[Jeff also begins signing (mostly finger spelling) so he can talk with Ben]

[eldritch-hall-after-dark]

Jaeson, literally covered in hickies and scratches: I'm so fucking tired...

Favio, smoking a cigarette: Well, maybe... you should rest after a show, instead of fucking?

Jaeson, pulling Favio on top of himself: never.

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Mira: *furiously jots down notes*

Toby, about his childhood: I learned to swim the old-fashioned way: when I was five, my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water! Making it to shore was easy! Making it out of the gunny sack was hard, though.

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Toby: *in his room during a really bad manic episode, rocking back and forth*

Toby: dreidle, dreidle, dreidle. I made you out of clay. Dreidle, dreidle, dreidle. With dreidle I shall play.

Toby: second verse, same as the first!

Toby: dreidle, dreidle, dreidle-!

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Nobody:

Jack G during college:

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

(Rowan belongs to @sanriosratz)

Inspired by that one interview with Pedro Pascal and Oscar Isaac.

[During the press release for "Hell's Secrets"]

Rowan: Hi, I'm Rowan Brady.

Patrick: Hi, I'm Patrick Torres-Moran.

Both: and we're doing a [Insert company here] complete interview-!

[Patrick pulls Rowan's hoodie over his face]

Rowan: -iewwww-!

[The two laugh]

Rowan, reading: "Who does... Patrick Torres-Moran... look like?"

Patrick: I get Oscar Isaac... often.

Rowan: oh-! [Starts laughing] I remember who you look like!

Patrick: who's that?

Rowan: that muppet, I told you about.

Patrick, cracking up: What muppet?

Rowan: the-the-the Eagle. The grumpy Eagle.

Patrick, trying not to smile: malo...

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Jack, when he and Zephyr got married: I'd like to also give a shout-out to my fellow nominees-

Jack: -who will now and forever be known as the guys who lost to fuckin' Adam Sandler.

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Jill, about Isaac: he is not the love of your life.

Jill, to Jack: he is literally just a guy.

Jill: hit him with your car!

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Sad!Ciero, researching dog breeds for his service dog: that dachshund is adorable! Its' legs are so short!

Bentley, sat on Ciero's lap: it's cute, even with stubby legs?

Bentley, looking directly at Ciero: does that mean I'm cute too?

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Ciero, age 11: Wuh-what's the matter?

Patrick, also 11: I think, I, I th-, I think I like you.

Ciero: Well I like you too, Patrick.

Patrick: You do?!

Ciero: Well yeah!

Patrick: You like like me?

Ciero: Sure, I like like you a lot lot. [laughs]

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Octavian, educating Jack K during a protest: Here's the thing: I don't know what you kids are up to, but I do know one thing.

Octavian, trying to be child-friendly: Laws are threats made by the dominant socioeconomic ethnic group in a given nation.

Octavian: It's just a promise of violence that's enacted  and police are basically an occupying army.

Octavian: You know what I'm saying?

[He clasps his hands]

Octavian, an ACAB icon: Y'wanna make some bacon?

[He pulls a lit molotov cocktail out of his bag]

Jack K, fourteen: That was on fire the whole time?!

Octavian: The whole time, kiddo!

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Someone: *pushes Ciero into a locker at school*

Patrick, getting ready for his fifth detention that month: ¡¿Cómo te atreves a hablarle así?! Te destriparé como a un pez si vuelves a hacer esa mierda, ¿me oyes? tu garganta, cortada. Mierda. tú.

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Zephyr: my mom had four kids, and you can tell that she loves us all the same.

Zephyr: but after the first two, she kind of... stopped caring.

Zephyr: she'll always go on; she was blessed with me.

Zephyr: and she was gifted Octavian.

Zephyr: then she had Ciero.

Zephyr: and she'll always remember the day she was diagnosed with the other one (Favio).

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

I was on tiktok, and I scrolled upon this sound...

...naturally, my first thought was Patrick and Ciero.

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Charles, talking to Mira: you're a total "anti-sexist".

Charles: a "patriarchy fighter".

Charles: But your whole world view collapses the moment there's a spider...

Mira, standing on a chair, tremblimg: Charles, please... its a really big one!

[eldritch-hall-asylum]

Rowan, during an interview for Hell's Secrets: the next episode deals with the very important subject matter of circumcision.

Patrick: That's when they take a knife and cut a slit right down the middle of the phallus, slicing it in two halves. And then they take the two halves and tie them in a little bow, and-!

Rowan: no they don't.

Patrick: Huh?

Rowan: Dude, that's not what they do.

Rowan: ...is that what they did to you?

Patrick: wul-Well, yeah. That's... that's what they do to everybody, isn't it?

Rowan, laughing: no???

Rowan: dude, now I know why your wife calls you "the pretzel".

Patrick: sHUT UP!!!