#incorrect daiharu quotes

[huachengslastbraincell]

Daisuke: Can’t you at least try and look at things from my point of view?

Suzue and Haru: [Crouches down to Daisuke's height]

Daisuke: I hate you both.

[viva-la-rivailleucion]

Daisuke: How much is the horse tornado?

Haru: T-that’s a carousel.

Daisuke, already utilising HEUSC: I must have it.

[h0m0phobia-is-gay]

Haru: Do you take constructive critism?

Daisuke: I only take cash or credit.

[daisukes-creditcard]

daisuke: This tea tastes exquisite and exotic, what is it called?

haru: I call it, boiled gatoradé

[thisismytrashok]

suzue: ...and as for the design of the parachute I'm uncertain... It looks plain! I thought about adding a character describing Daisuke's best character traits.

haru: This is is easy, he only has one.

[shuotaizawa]

fkbu episode 3

expectations: two bros going on a trip to hong kong and spending 𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 time together

reality: sugar daddy introducing his sugar baby to his grandma. they also defuse a hostage situation together like an off-brand Mr and Mrs Smith

[evieonic]

Haru: God, give me patience.

Daisuke: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Haru: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

[supremekingofsalvation]

[In a meeting]

Daisuke, whispering: pshh

Haru: ???

Daisuke, still whispering: your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it

Haru: leAVE ME ALONE

[moodysnowflake]

Haru: *crawls up over Daisuke to peek down below* What are we going to do?

Daisuke:

Haru: *pushes slightly to stretch and have a better look*

Daisuke: *presses back, frowning*

Haru:

Daisuke: *squints* Is THAT your gun?

[fugou-keiji-shitposts-unlimited]

“Eat the rich”

-Haru Katou, at least twice a day

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

(Haru and Daisuke are playing Monopoly)

Haru before playing: I would like to make one thing clear Daisuke. I fucking hate capitalism and this game is not going to change my opinion on this

Haru playing Monopoly: *takes Daisuke’s most expensive hotel* Sorry if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor

[huachengslastbraincell]

Haru & Daisuke: *Playing Among Us*

Daisuke: *In chat* Vote for Haru's Color.

Haru: What?? Why me??

Daisuke: You’re pretty sus for stealing my heart.

Haru: *Haru Was Not the Impostor* I hate you.

[13075]

fkbu au where everything is the same but every time haru calls daisuke bastard, he calls him pretty bastard

daisuke: can u believe i just arrested these two criminals and i only have to spend 20 billion?

haru, massaging his temples: you pretty bastard... get out before i strangle you

daisuke:

haru:

daisuke: did you just call me pre—

haru: GET OUT

[hanazuku-kun]

Haru: if I had a coin for every time I ended up hanging from a bridge, I would have 2 coins. Which isn’t much but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[daisukes-creditcard]

Money | Daisuke x Reader Mafia AU!

fugou keiji x bungou stray dogs

materlist | previous | next | .3

“great, get onto the car” he said while opening the door like a gentleman.

if this gets dangerous I won’t hesitate to kill him, even if it means to say goodbye to that fortune.

“thank you..” you said uncomfortably. “Haru I’ll be back in a few but I don’t suppose you cant handle this on your own correct?” “just leave already” said the gray haired male annoyed while walking away.

Daisuke got into the drivers seat and started the car’s engine, he could tell you were nervous because he just stared at you for a bit before sparking a conversation. “so uh, ms. what were you doing coming out of that alley?” he asked while he started to drive.

“I was passing by, saw the chaos and wanted to get away.”

“I see.. you didn’t want to get caught into the port mafia’s mess..” he replied while reading the stree signals. “yeah..” you replied shortly.

“what’s with the bag?” you looked at the detective confused as to what bag he was referring to until you noticed you had never disposed of the duffle bag akutagawa had given you.

“oh! this bag?? I was going to do some shopping.. ha” you replied confidently. “hmh” he hummed in response while driving towards the police station.

“uh, you can drop me off at the plaza..”

“hmmh.. the plaza?”

“yes please”

“no, we’re going to the police station”

The car’s atmosphere changed as you heard a click coming from the car doors. “why—“ you asked in a panic while you unbuckled your seatbelt.

“I know your plan, y/n.. and I know what you’re after.” he said confidently while pulling over.

“I saw right through your scheme the moment I saw you come out of the alley.. you might have fooled that dumbass but you can’t fool me.” he reached into his pocket, taking of his gun while pointing it at you.

“If you don’t want to die right now you’ll follow my instructions. Is that clear?”

he asked in a monotone voice.

“yes...”you replied unsure.

“good.. now we will get out of this car.. walk inside the police station and you will follow me at all costs, and don’t even try to run away because I will kill you..” he said.

he unlocked the doors of the car while turning the car off, you knew what you had signed up for the minute you accepted his offer and now you were regretting it. He put his gun away while fixing his gloves.

“are you going to put me in jail? because I will have you know the port mafia would just come after me” you said confidently.

“perhaps, depends if I like what I hear if not then I’ll just end you right there and then.. after all the port mafia can’t come after someone who’s dead..” he said while smirking at you. Daisuke got out of the car, walking around and opening the door for you. “okay, what if i give you the jewel, would you let me g—”

“no” he said while jerking you out off the car. “ouch, respect a lady.” “i dont respect criminals..”

you followed him into the police station gaining stares from the people working there. “I need a interrogation room..now” he said demandingly at the supervisor near the back.

“on it Mr.Kambe” he grabbed your wrist with his gloved hand while looking at you in disgust. the supervisor showed him to the room opening it with a silver key that hanged from his belt.

“Thank you..”. Daisuke said while bowing to the man. He shoved you into the tiny dark room that only had a tiny window that allowed sunlight in.

You sat down on the chair facing the door, as you wanted to see daisuke’s features.

You had always dreamed about being locked inside with such a good looking person and your thoughts couldn’t handle it. “now, I want you to tell me everything about the port mafia, who do you work for, and why were you taking the red heart.” he said while sitting down across from you.

“hmmh.. and what will I get out of it?” you replied with a smirk. “If you give me all the information you have I’ll transfer you $200 million dollars, that’s what the port mafia is worth as of now.. and I will make sure you get out of here without a scratch..”

“really..?”

“answer me first...”

you took out your blade from your boots, darting it towards his skull. The detective knew you were up to something, and his intuition was correct. It was lucky that the blade missed.

“Tell me.. why do you do this type of thing?” you smirked while looking at him straight in the eye as if you hadn’t just attempted to kill him. you stood up from your seat, pacing around the room before sitring down on the table, you looked at the detective in an erotic way to demonstrate what you wanted.

“I do it for the money.. I’m here for a fun time not a long time..”

“I see, you and me are very much alike indeed. I also do it for the money.. but unlike you, I don’t have to worry about spending my money or earning it.. my balance is unlimited..”

“I hate rich people, but if you’re going to pay me to spill everything then I will.”

“what about your friends in the mafia—”

“They aren’t my friends, I’ve been trying to leave the mafia business and restart fresh, but the boss.. he’s very important to me.. I just couldn’t”

“Then do what dazai did, leave and stop caring about some criminal..”

you thought about it, maybe daisuke arresting you was the sign you needed to leave the business. or maybe you were looking for an excuse to not get murdered by akutagawa.

“alright.. I will leave.. but only if you offer me a job.”

“I just can’t offer you a job here—”

“not here, let me become your assistant..”

you got off the table, returning to your seat once again.

“I see..very well, now let’s start with the investigation..”

[shuotaizawa]

daisuke’s balance may be unlimited but my understanding of this anime Is Not ❤️