#incorrect apex legends quotes

[kim-write-jin]

Wattson: Revenant, when’s your birthday?

Revenant: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Wattson: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

[1andxrea1tge1bisexual1here1]

Dempsey : Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Richtofen : >:O language

Andi: Yeah watch your fucking language

Octane: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ANDI THE FUCK WORD?

Douma : 'The fuck word'.

Louie : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Andi: Oh my god they censored it

Douma : Say fuck, Louie .

Andi: Do it, Louie . Say fuck.

[boozlemylove]

Bloodhound : "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Revenant: … Revenant: What a stupid fucking quote. Revenant: I'm killing way more than two people, idiot.

[marvelatthismess]

Viper: *on the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he’ll talk, I’m at a parent teacher conference. Viper: Anyways, you said Kairi is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

[mediumsage]

Ballistic: Weighted blankets aren’t enough, robot. Hit me with a shovel.

Pathfinder (just got back from the garden): Happy to help, friend!

*BANG*

[catalystsimp]

I found this gem so I just had to turn it into an incorrect quote thing I'm sorry it was too perfect to pass up

[howdoesthisappwork]

Ash: I think we should kiss.

Mary: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

[mamasplat]

Ash: Sorry I'm late, I had more important things to attend to.

Revenant: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

[smallfry15005]

Baby Kairi: Can we get ice cream?

Blisk: Did you ask your dad?

Baby Kairi: He said no.

Blisk: Then why did you ask me?

Baby Kairi: He’s not the boss of you

Blisk, internally: It’s a trap. It’s a trap. It’s a trap.

[fusehound-prompts]

FuseHound Prompt #47

Fuse: We both look great tonight.

Bloodhound: You know, if you had just said that I look great, I would have said "So do you."

Fuse: I couldn't take that chance.

[apex-legends-never-die]

Young Bloodhound: Oh no! My parents! They’re frozen!

[kim-write-jin]

Bangalore: There are three chairs and five kids. What do you do?

Lifeline: Get two more chairs.

Rampart: Cut each chair in half to make six.

Mad Maggie: Make them FIGHT for their seats!

Wraith: I would never be near children.

Revenant: Get rid of two kids.

[primroseprime2019]

Revenant: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Loba: Nope, absolutely not.

Bangalore: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Ash: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Valkyrie: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Mad Maggie: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

[boozlemylove]

Fuse: Good morning! Bloodhound, checking their watch: Correct.

[marvelatthismess]

Ash: This is Viper, they’re… not my assistant, some other word. Viper: I’m their carer. Ash: Yeah, my carer. They care so I don’t have to.

[mediumsage]

Horizon after being respawned: You were smiling. The last thing I saw before I bled out and DIED was your smug, evil grin!

Alter: I was happy to see you! That’s just how I look when I smile!

Alter, smiling: Smug and evil! See?