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Commentary: Me and my friends watching RWRB for the first time
(After the polo sex scene) Alex: Yeah, I could eat. Mage: You just ate!!
(Phillip comes on screen) Me: Heck you Phillip, go shove a Royal stick up your ass. Shines: Cough, sceptre.
Alex: No such thing as a locked door when you're a prince, I suppose. Me: Alex, you are literally a locked door.
Alex: I guess you could say I'm … bisexual. Mage: No sh*t, Sherlock.
Henry: I've never owned a key in my life. Mage: Cause no one trusts you as the gay youngest child. Shines: Been. There.
Henry: I think we should make love tonight. Everyone: YOOOOOOOOOOO
Alex, on a pier watching the love of his life swim away: Mage: Standing man emoji 🧍♂️
Bea, holding Henry's hand: Do you love him? Mage: My question is, why is she packing a whole bakery.
Henry: *unlocks V&A door* Me: Really, Henry, you've never owned a key in your life?
Henry: In here, at night, no one else is around to gawk at you. Mage: But you're around to gawk intensely at the naked man statues. ☕ Shines: Hypocrite.
(Can’t help falling in love plays) Everyone: *singing along offbeat and in a variety of untuned octaves*
King: Because the nation will not accept a prince who is … homosexual. Everyone: hOmOsseKSuAL
Alex: Do you still have my key on you? Me: And then they stole some bikes. Shines: Oh my god, they did!
#rwrb#rwrb movie#commentary#yes they are fake names#inappropriate mind inappropriate time#how tf do you tag#This formatting ain't good y'all I'm sorry
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HELLO HI HELLO I AM!!! RECOVERING CURRENTLY!!!!
So I haven't posted in a small moment and planned to get myself going again soon but right now I am recovering from an accident (I won't get into the nitty gritty) that has left me quite shaken. FIRST OFF I AM OKAY! Minor injuries so nothing alarming I am physically fine besides being sore for a bit and some scrapes and bruises that are still healing, including my arms which is making drawing a bit difficult. I'm slowly getting better but cant really draw for long periods and honestly I might not draw much for a bit till I feel better both physically and mentally. its the mentally part that might take some time. But I'm resting, rest assured!
ANYWAY this is more just an update cause I know i've been a lil absent. ESPECIALLY after this accident. I'm not abandoning the blog by any means, def still check on tumblr but couldn't seem to muster the energy to interact with much at the moment as my brain is a little rattled up.
I hope yall are all okay! I hope your days are bright and yall are taking care of yourselves!
I promise I'm doing what I can to take care of me!
#update#just rambling#my art#dont wanna really add this to the welcome home tags?#feels inappropriate? even with the doodle but the post itself is just to let anyone wondering about me know I'm alright#anyway#I probably shouldn't have pushed through drawing this but I mostly drew it for my own comfort if anything#and felt fitting to use for an update post#art looks so sloppy lol but thats okay....#Repeating that I am very much okay though! But I'm def needing some time. For my mind's sake. Too much noise around me gets overwhelming#so energy is low and I am taking my time#dandy leon#I dont mind adding my oc tag lmao#tw stitches
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and with that i bid you all goodnight
#aaron taylor johnson#notice how i’m not saying mildly inappropriate thoughts in the tags this time#very demure#very mindful
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Do you conlang? I was wondering if you had naming languages (or possibly even more developed ones) for pulling the words you use. I tried to search your blog but didn't find anything, wouldn't be surprised if the feature is just busted tho. Your worldbuilding is wonderful and I particularly enjoy the anthropological and linguistic elements.
Ok the thing is I had kind of decided I was not going to do any conlanging because I don't feel like I'm equipped to do a good job of it, like was fully like "I'm just going to do JUST enough that it doesn't fail an immediate sniff test and is more thoughtful than just keysmashing and putting in vowels". And then have kinda been conlanging anyway (though not to a very deep and serious extent. I maybe have like....an above average comprehension of how language construction works via willingness to research, but that's not saying much, also I can never remember the meanings of most linguistic terms like 'frictives' or etc off the top of my head. I'm just kinda raw dogging it with a vague conceptualization of what these things mean)
I do at least have a naming language for Wardi (and more basic rules for other established languages) but the rudimentary forms of it were devised with methods much shakier and less linguistically viable than even the most basic naming language schemes, and I only went back over it LONG after I had already made a bunch of words so there's some inconsistencies with consonant presence and usage. (This can at least be justified because it IS a language that would have a lot of loanwords and would be heavily influenced by other language groups- Burri being by far the most significant, Highland-Finnic and Yuroma-Lowlands also being large contributors)
The 'method' I used was:
-Skip basic construction elements and fully move into devising necessary name words, with at least a Vibe of what consonants are going to be common and how pronunciation works -Identify some roots out of the established words and their meanings. Establish an ongoing glossary of known roots/words. -Construct new words based in root words, or as obvious extensions/variants of established words. -Get really involved in how the literal meanings of some words might not translate properly to english, mostly use this to produce a glossary of in-universe slang. -Realize that I probably should have at least some very basic internal consistency at this point. -Google search tutorials on writing a naming language. -Reverse engineer a naming language out of established words, and ascribe all remaining inconsistencies to being loanwords or just the mysteries of life or whatever.
I do at least have some strongly established pronunciation rules and a sense of broad regional dialect/accents.
-'ai' words are almost always pronounced with a long 'aye' sound.
-There is no 'Z' or 'X' sound, a Wardi speaker pronouncing 'zebra' would go for 'tsee-brah', and would attempt 'xylophone' as 'ssye-lohp-hon'
-'V' sounds are nearly absent and occur only in loanwords, and tend to be pronounced with a 'W' sound. 'Virsum' is a Highland word (pronounced 'veer-soom') denoting ancestry, a Wardi speaker would go 'weer-sum'.
-'Ch' spellings almost always imply a soft 'chuh' sound when appearing after an E, I, or O (pelatoche= pel-ah-toh-chey), but a hard 'kh' sound after an A or U (odomache= oh-doh-mah-khe). When at the start of a word, it's usually a soft 'ch' unless followed by an 'i' sound (chin (dog) is pronounced with a hard K 'khiin', cholem (salt) is pronounced with a soft Ch 'cho-lehm')
-Western Wardin has strong Burri cultural and linguistic influence, and a distinct accent- one of the most pronounced differences is use of the ñ sound in 'nn' words. The western city of Ephennos is pronounced 'ey-fey-nyos' by most residents, the southeastern city of Erubinnos is pronounced 'eh-roo-been-nos' by most residents. Palo's surname 'Apolynnon' is pronounced 'A-puh-lee-nyon' in the Burri and western Wardi dialects (which is the 'proper' pronunciation, given that it's a Kos name), but will generally be spoken as 'Ah-poh-leen-non' in the south and east.
-R's are rolled in Highland-Finnic words. Rolling R's is common in far northern rural Wardi dialects but no others. Most urban Wardi speakers consider rolling R's sort of a hick thing, and often think it sounds stupid or at least uneducated. (Brakul's name should be pronounced with a brief rolled 'r', short 'ah' and long 'uul', but is generally being pronounced by his south-southeastern compatriots with a long unrolled 'Brah' sound).
Anyway not really a sturdy construction that will hold up to the scrutiny of someone well equipped for linguistics but not pure bullshit either.
#I actually did just make a post about this on my sideblog LOL I think in spite of my deciding not to conlang this is going to go full#full conlanging at some point#The main issue is that the narrative/dialogue is being written as an english 'translation' (IE the characters are speaking in their actual#tongues and it's being translated to english with accurate meaning but non-literal treatment)#Which you might say like 'Uh Yeah No Shit' but I think approaching it with that mindset at the forefront does have a different effect than#just fully writing in english. Like there's some mindfulness to what they actually might be saying and what literal meanings should be#retained to form a better understanding of the culture and what should be 'translated' non-literally but with accurate meaning#(And what should be not translated at all)#But yeah there's very little motivation for conlanging besides Pure Fun because VERY few Wardi words beyond animal/people/place names#will make it into the actual text. Like the only things I leave 'untranslated' are very key or untranslatable concepts that will be#better understood through implication than attempts to convey the meaning in english#Like the epithet 'ganmachen' is used to compliment positive traits associated with the ox zodiac sign or affectionately tease#negative ones. This idea can be established pretty naturally without exposition dumps because the zodiac signs are of cultural#importance and will come up frequently. The meaning can get across to the reader pretty well if properly set up.#So like leaving it as 'ganmachen' you can get 'oh this is an affectionate reference to an auspicious zodiac sign' but translating#it as the actual meaning of 'ox-faced' is inevitably going to come across as 'you look like a cow' regardless of any zodiac angle#^(pretty much retyped tags from other post)#Another aspect is there's a few characters that have Wardi as a second language and some of whom don't have a solid grasp on it#And I want to convey this in dialogue (which is being written in english) but I don't want it to just be like. Random '''broken''' english#like I want there to be an internal consistency to what parts of the language they have difficulties with (which then has implications for#how each language's grammar/conjugation/etc works). Like Brakul is fairly fluent in Wardi at the time of the story but still struggles#with some of the conjugation (which is inflectional in Wardi) especially future/preterite tense. So he'll sometimes just use the#verb unconjugated or inappropriately in present tense. Though this doesn't come across as starkly in text because it's#written in english. Like his future tense Wardi is depicted as like 'I am to talk with him later' instead of 'I'll talk with him later'#Which sounds unnatural but not like fully incorrect#But it would sound much more Off in Wardi. Spanish might be a better example like it would be like him approaching it with#'Voy a hablar con él más tarde' or maybe 'Hablo con él más tarde' instead of 'Hablaré con él más tarde'#(I THINK. I'm not a fluent spanish speaker sorry if the latter has anything wrong with it too)
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hello! i really like your fics 🥵
i just saw him in latex gloves and it made my mind go crazy.. like… imagine gynaecologist!Baekhyun, examining the reader with his slender fingers ahh it’d be pure heaven 😇
(sorry if it’s weird, i hate my mind too)
hahahaha thank u for loving my fics, babie! <3 :') omg YES the latex gloves and the doctor coat had me 😵💫😵💫😵💫 wow i kinda need to write gynecologist!baekhyun asap
#💌#anonie#like imagine ur going to ur gyno for ur triennial pap smear/pelvic exam & he walks in introducing himself#and ur like “um. no. ur not my doctor. where's dr. so-and-so”#and then he'd tell u that ur usual dr. is out on maternity leave and he's filling in for her#and ur like “ok no offense but can i get somebody else to do it”#and then he'd be like “wow this is actually the first time in my life where a woman is rejecting me”#and then he'd look towards the paper towel dispenser to see his reflection in it wondering if he's got something on his face or something#and then you'd groan and be like “never mind it's fine lets just get this over with”#and then he'd do his thang and ur trying so fuckn hard not to react inappropriately cus frankly you dont wanna get sued lmfao#and then he'd finish his exam and leave and then you go out with ur girly pops later on that night and then get stupid drunk#and ur telling them ur experience w baekhyun#and then u go to the bar for another drink and a man stands beside u and goes “whatre you drinking?”#and u dont even bother to look over at him#already rolling ur eyes to urself cus this happens at least once every time u go out cus ur hot DUH?#then he picks up on ur energy and goes “come on ur gonna reject me twice in one day?”#and then u snap ur neck towards him and go wide eyed#cus the man standing right next to you is looking at you w a knowing smirk bc he literally had his fingers in u just a few hours ago#dr. byun save meeeeeeee
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Memo 78: Regarding human psyche
Recorded by Galactic representative pharoadosh of the echelonions
As some of you are doubtless aware, many species feel very uncomfortable around cosmic defender 349728, particularly members of the intergalactic community who utilize telepathic communication or sub telepathic scanning. All of you report bursts of emotion from seemingly no source that do not match the situation and/or body language presented by cosmic defender 349728. This is normal and not any cause for alarm. Humans have at least 3 psyches, emotional, logical and the subconscious. The subconscious runs information through simple thought processes and cross references those against similar situations and then will present a subset of that information to the conscious mind whenever it feels like it. It may only pick out this relevant data point weeks later in an entirely different situation. The emotional mind may react very oddly to the situation picking out something particularly amusing or sad or some other emotional response but the logical mind suppresses the outward reaction. Hence the inappropriate burst of emotion coming from nowhere.
Some of you have noted a sustained period of emotion that doesn't match cosmic defender 349728's outward reaction. Humans frequently have to adapt to situations that they find unpleasant but must pretend that they enjoy. They learn at a young age to modify their body language to present different social cues while internally they feel differently. Please ignore these situations as acknowledging them will only make the problem worse.
A few of you have noted long periods of time when cosmic defender 349728 just stops thinking. These periods can even occur during prolonged activity that should require some level of consciousness. We don't know how or why he does this. He might legitimately be dead during those periods, I simply don't know and neither does he. Yes I am aware that this is a completely terrifying fact and no I don't know of anyway to make it less scary.
Sometimes the human, while fully conscious, will engage in elaborate mental scenarios. He generally only does this if there is nothing else to occupy his attention. Sometimes those scenarios are unusually violent. This isn't any cause for alarm these are merely mental exercises. Cosmic defender 349728 grew up on a super-toxic death world and his species has a natural inclination towards violence as part of their predatory biology. He is a hyper aware predatory species, with extremely developed visualisation and mapping skills designed to help him track his prey. In absence of of external stimulus his predatory brain will self stimulate. Presumably this is done to prevent his violent tendencies from making him attack his packmates.
A final word of caution, there are aspects of the human mind that humans themselves maybe unaware of so venture in at your own peril.
#cosmic defender 349728#humans are space australians#humans are weird#humans are space orcs#daydreaming#head empty#no thoughts head empty#laughing at inappropriate times#boredom#human minds are weird#we're the weirdos#predatory behavior
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Well, I actually have the most mundane of questions, but it’s been so long since I’ve been in an English class that I feel like I’ve completely forgotten (and I’m curious how you do it): how do you go about reading a book as a class? Do you assign them the chapters to read at home and most of them actually do it? Or do you give them class time to read? Do you have the kids who try to spoil the rest of the book for the class? Basically, how does one teach a book in the year 2024? 😀
And do you have your students annotate inside their books? (I know the English teachers in my school require the students to do that, and I get why, but I inwardly shudder every time I see a student marking up a page.)
Haha I love this question because I too am always asking myself how DOES one teach a book in 2024?
It’s sort of a combination. I absolutely assign reading every night (almost) unless it’s Shakespeare or any play in which case we read it all in class. But for a novel there’s a couple chapters a night. I read aloud to them a lot too. Sometjmes I make them read aloud to the whole class, rotating kids who read. Sometimes I assign a chapter to be read in class silently with questions or quotes due at the end of the reading. Sometimes I put them in groups and make them read aloud to each other. There’s no one way that works for sure and of course ultimately I have no control over how much they read and I’m not naive enough to think that most of the reading assigned for homework doesn’t get skipped most of the time buuuuuut.
My bottom line is that I believe it’s my job to get excited about the actual text itself (easier for me in some cases than others but overall pretty easy because it does fill me with excitement) and then commit to taking them on the journey of the story with me. And my goal—that I’m sure I often don’t reach—is to make that experience so much more fun if you have actually read. And the way that I teach is pretty text heavy which is why I always make sure I’ve read the chapters for the day and am not just relying on my memory because the way I do it is just sort of absorbing it all up like a vacuum-cleaner, schwooooop, and then either pulling stuff out of the reading to look at directly or directing them to do the same thing. So the big thing that I have going for me, if any, is buy-in. Is getting kids excited about actually reading the actual text. I also speak often and passionately about the evils of sparknotes etc. not because they help kids get better grades or whatever but because they present you with the husk and shell of a story, stripped of all that makes it interesting, and that by reading that alone they’re reading something so dry and dull and are not achieving what I always want them to achieve —which is, have an Experience with the Literature.
Again, it never works perfectly by any stretch and there are so many ways I want to explore in my quest to get better at it but overall I think, at my very best, I can create this wave of energy and excitement in the story itself which is the most organic and ultimately most helpful way to get them to want to read.
Also no haha. I don’t let them annotate! Though occasionally kids DO of course. But sometimes they bring in their own copies in order to do that. The spoilers absolutely happen and are annoying but I sort of get by it by moving on very quickly and/or talking about how it’s often not the ending but how you get there that makes it interesting. Because that’s just true!
#gosh does this answer make sense#I am so passionate about doing it well and there are huge gaps in my teaching in terms of concrete stuff#but I am doing ….. Something in terms of bringing literature closer to them#and that’s what I want to do!#also love love love the bonus of getting to reread great works over and over until they start sinking into my brain#and I think (well I usually don’t think about it) but I think that the experience for them of watching me read it again#(and sometimes literally I won’t have time to read I need 10 minutes to finish this chapter and tell them to shut up)#(while I sit there and read it)#reminds them that I AM committed to doing the work with them. that I am actually doing it and that I want to!#and idk I think that is both a rarer experience and one that’s kind of underrated in terms of how much warmth it can create#because I have nothing in common with 16 year olds we couldn’t be friends in real life without it being very weird/possibly inappropriate#but in class we have a Thing to be friends about#we have a shared goal! and not just an arbitrary one but a deeply beautiful one#idk. there’s still a lot of boredom a lot of pushback a lot of disinterest#but I’m always amazed at how often kids do want to …. idk sink their teeth into something real#it’s REAL food for their minds. and the hunger for it is there even if they decide they’re too lazy to join the group#my goal is to —merely by the situation itself—make you feel left out of the fun if you refuse to do the work#so you can CHOOSE that but it’s less fun. it’s cold. it’s boring and it’s isolating#because refusing to do the work and insisting on being a little toad SHOULD come with natural social punishments in the form of exclusion#from the best kind of fun. it often does NOT. but yeah. I think I’m also getting better at shutting down toad behavior from adolescent male#this is where teaching co-Ed helps because there are some girls who are like ‘if you stop my learning I will kill you’#not ENOUGH girls but some#ooooof this is a long answer but literally always on my mind#thank you for asking!!! also haha I assumed you were an English teacher yourself!
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@infernalpursuit inquired: how does your muse react when they're scared? does it change, depending on what is currenly scaring them?
(( Oh, absolutely it depends on what's currently scaring her!
The thing you have to understand about Miranda is that she's less of a person, in the sense that her personality and reactions are organic and naturally occurring, and moreso that she's someone who has been so intensely groomed and micro-managed and pushed in such a specific direction that a lot of the way that she is is entirely on purpose.
Her personality isn't really a natural product of her birth nor her circumstance in the same way someone else's personality might be. It's more like... There's no way that people can go through something like what she had gone through and not turn out in a very similar way to her. It's a designed process in this way, something that very intentionally obliterates any other chance to be anything else, and makes becoming this highly specific mold of a person into a life-or-death matter, something that you can't will or whim or nature your way out of. Miranda is the way that she is because she's been intentionally ground down and shredded into the person that she is. She doesn't really have a concrete sense of self. She doesn't even really know who she is. She's not supposed to, she's just supposed to be a means to serve a singular purpose and a singular end, and all she even can comprehend doing is that purpose.
Fear is a major part of this process, this total obliteration of any other mere possibility, but I also feel like it's a little disingenuous to call it fear in the same way most people would relate to it. It's the kind of fear that's so big and bone-deep and constant that it stops really feeling like fear at all, the kind of thing that Miranda herself has a very hard time of realizing that she's feeling even when it's particularly bad.
It might be more accurate to call it getting locked into a constant state of flight-or-fight. It's a constant existential threat where Miranda is sincerely and totally convinced that she could die at any moment and anyone could hurt her as much as they wanted, constantly living solely in the very present and unable to think of what even a short distance ahead in time would be like, because she just never feels comfortable or secure enough to stop thinking of the right now. She's what happens when the fear has been intensified strongly enough that it never dips below what would be debilitating for anyone else, and thus has become wildly detached to her own body, physical harm to her body, threats to her own life, or any escalation of fear.
This is, in fact, one of the things that I worry about disappointing roleplay partners with at times! Because their muse will act scary or try to frighten Miranda, and it just doesn't work. She just doesn't respond to the situation in a measurably different way than how she normally does, because she's under so much constant stress and strain and terror that it's not really any different to her than how everything else already is.
The only real times when she starts to show it, in fact, are places where her aversion and fear of them have been specifically cultivated. Miranda is a tool, and a tool doesn't break under expected strain, but you do have to be able to sharpen it and make sure it remains useful. You do have to take it apart to do maintenance on it, make sure it's working. The points where Miranda starts to actually, sincerely, show her genuine fear and terror, are during these points and in these situations where her aversion of them can be used to punish her and make sure she's being redirected in the proper direction.
In which case, Miranda's fear response is also highly specific and the only real option that other people who have gone through it come out with.
Mostly, she freezes up. She starts fawning hard. She lets it happen, over and over and over again until the object of her fear goes away, because it's going to be easier if she doesn't fight back or resist. She starts disassociating, disconnecting from her body and her thoughts, forgetting where she is or what's happening to her, because then she doesn't have to be present to register it and the memories are easier to repress later. She starts to people-please, trying to make the object of her fear happy and content them, because doing what they tell her to do and making them happy makes it not last as long. If she just does what they want her to, then they won't hurt her as much. If she just listens when she's told, then she won't get punished as much.
The end result is that she's very... robotic, in a sense. She does what she is told, to the letter. She will do what she is told, and she will not fuss or cry or cause any further problems if it also hurts her as well. She will be good, because the only choice other than being good is total obliteration. They should tell her what to do. They should make her do what they want her to do. It's okay that she's not there, or it's hurting her. It's even better if that happens, in fact, because then it's not as bad. She will not mention it after the fact, she will not hold it against them, she will not upset them again. She will be good. She was designed to be good.
Which, again, is part of why Miranda's fear response can be so inappropriate sometimes... Because she's been cultivated this way, because other people punishing her is so ingrained into her mind as a fundamental way of being, very often she will pick the seemingly much scarier or painful option over that cultivated social fear. She will happily hurt herself for someone else, and she will not be afraid of it, or be very upset at all. She will happily do many frightening things and deal with things that anyone else wouldn't be able to, because she's already locked into a permanent state of terror, and the only exception would be what happens if she doesn't do this. She's a tool. The only thing a tool has to fear is not fulfilling its purpose.
It's why she keeps doing increasingly dangerous things, too, seemingly without regard to her own life or death. Fear is an adaptation which allowed living things to avoid situations and things that were dangerous to them. Because Miranda's fear is constant and always at its peak, she doesn't register minor fluctuations to it, nor does she have it to try and get her to avoid things that might or will hurt her. It's also why her pain response is so bizarre and detached, and doesn't take very many efforts to avoid pain in general.
It also means, too, is that the potential for other people accidentally setting off or triggering this particular type of cultivated fear is very high, basically intentionally so. She has to be easy to control and redirect as needed, after all. If someone else gets close to her, gets her in an intimate situation similar to how she was cultivated to respond to punishment, then she can very easily get locked into a loop that they didn't know they were setting off. She's not in the state of mind to notice contradictions or try and correct herself, let alone notice if something is wrong, so nothing she can do can stop this from happening beyond general discouragement from those situations.
It just also means that it can be rather upsetting for other people when they notice that Miranda's immediate fear response, in wholly out-of-proportion situations, is to just sit there and take it without protest, even to the point of seemingly not reacting to someone nearly killing her if they do it in the right way.
#Most secret royal advisor || OOC#Dreaded rumors || Asks#infernalpursuit#self harm#abuse#physical abuse#disassociation#(( JUST. REAL ROUGH.#(( but yeah its basically just like#(( shes been so groomed to only be afraid of highly specific things relevant to the merkingdoms goals#(( that she just doesnt respond to anything else#(( as its not any different from the background level of Constant Terror she feels at the rest of the world#(( its the difference between miranda being so confident that all of these people absolutely cannot kill her#(( and her absolutely needing someone who shes close to to be able to kill her#(( because. its tied to emotional closeness and vulnerability#(( she was already told and encouraged to think the entire world wants to kill her and hurt her#(( and she should not let them and if she does get hurt by it then she has failed#(( (while still being utterly terrified of the sheer Concept. just in a more detached manner.)#(( but if someone already associated with her and who she views as someone close to her#(( decides that she needs to die. then that is matter of fact and she just has to die now#(( she will lay her head down and she will not fight or talk as they do it#(( like. so much of her contradiction and her strange behavior and inappropriate reactions#(( are because she thinks of herself as and has been treated as an inanimate object first and foremost#(( just. REALLY cant overstate how constantly miranda is at Peak Terrified at all times.#(( this is an eternal thing in the back of her mind that has been placed there very intentionally#(( and even without the merkingdom its gonna take a lot to deal with that#(( (as you might be able to guess from. having a fear response that is ''let them do whatever they want to me'')#(( (''and hope it stops soon'')#(( this is also where miranda's suicidal impulses come from! because the same need to dispose of her has also been put into herself#(( you know. so she can manually dispose of herself if she breaks and no one else can get rid of her
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if I had a nickel for every time Stanley Tucci played a male business partner of a powerful female businesswoman who tough-love mentored a younger woman attempting a career in his industry, I would have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's kind of interesting that it's happened twice
#*that I know of#I'm referring to the devil wears prada and burlesque btw#the latter being possibly the most inappropriate movie I've watched that I spent much of it Not Looking At The Screen#but my sister in law wanted to watch it#so it did end up leaving an imprint on my mind. cher's song.... stanley tucci's whole character... obsessed with that honestly#Lu rambles#this is me confessing I watched an inappropriate movie one time last summer akfjskfjakkgskgk
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Didn't actually buy as many drinks as I thought on Friday night?
#joe was like 'you bought me soooooo many drinks' and i couldn't really remember or count#i was stressed because i had to use the wrong card (i can just tranfer is nbd but it Felt illegal) but actually its fine?#people (person) out there really calling me party artemis now when i feel like it didnt get that wild?#anyway im trying not to debrief or overanalyse or jusge#(judge MYSELF the overseer in my brain comparing ny behaviour to an incomplete rule book could take more time off tbh)#but i am a little embarassed i let myself be so touchy#no one minded and it wasnt inappropriate but still#it was ....perhaps overly familiar
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guys when they find a disorder that literally describes their enture life experience
#squeaking#last time i tpld a therapist about my#hyperspecific delusions nd magical beleifs#she was like wow ive LITERALLY never heard of that IN MY LIFE#youre SO crazy i cant even assign u one of the premade Crzay Disorders. psychotic disorder not otherwise specified for you!#but like. Erm. Schizotypal is right there#feeling presence of absent people ?check#magical beliefs/superstitions (such as that people can read my mind)? check#other magical thinking#such as that god is real & hates me and that im actually immortal? ccheck#also the flat affect#and the inappropriate emotional response (laughs + smiles when angry and its really fucking frustrating#-brcause it means people dont take me seriously)#i fucking hate eye contact so much#i hate pursuing close relationships#im literally so paranoid like i KNOW people dont care about me. i KNOW they would throw me under the bus at the slightest chance#but i stay silly#Lol!#szpd#schizospec
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God are academic advisors always praying on the students downfall or what
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sidenote speaking of polls that infuriated me, that poll like 'does a story require themes to be good' was sent from hell to kill me
#everyone taking it as an object lesson in Reading Comprehension this website's favourite fuckin phrase#meanwhile the wording immediately captivated me as a word puzzle#'does a story require themes to be good' immediately dinged in my mind as a hypothetical#and that was way more interesting than the discourse 2 me#like in my mind its not a question of 'do good stories have themes' like duh doy the answer is yes#i saw it as 'does a story REQUIRE themes'#as in 'would a hypothetical lab-made story with no themes be discounted from being a story due to its lack of themes'#and that was fun and u guys had to go 'lollll imagine not paying attention in english class'#if i had paid attention during my english class it would have killed me. we did fucking NOT learn about critical reading or comprehension#we learned how to regurgitate the lowest-common-denominator answers and score well on tests with the least amount of thought#wrote a personal essay abt my grief towards the school system making the point of 'students are shaped into ai'#'whats important is that we can make words in the right sequence and not that we are actualyl saying anything'#and my english teacher was like 'wowww really good essay i rlly feel for you' and then a year later she was showing us chatgpt .#what was i on about. oh yeah language is a prison#'arent you an english major' YES. its a fascinating and fun toy whose widespread application is inappropriate and inefficient#language was made for word puzzles and tripping people up and the fact that i have to verbalise it on a time limit#with only rough approximations of my actual thoughts in casual conversation is one of my greatest griefs#anyway. ahem. tumblr amirite
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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
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Elemental is what Encanto should have been.
#im specifically talking about the generational family stuff here#yes Bernie and Cinder were bigots towards water people but the film really shows why that is without inappropriate timing#also they spend time and really do love Ember and the film shows that#I can’t exactly say that for Alma Pepa Isabela and the rest of the Madrigals (except Mira Bruno and Antonio#also Ember/Wade is what Pepa/Félix should have been#change my mind#encanto critical
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have had a bit of my crash after flying too close to the sun this past week and you know what, it’s very annoying and also very good for me in a stabilizing way.
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