#inappropriate comedy tree

[lo-rebuildt]

Once again trying to verbalize my dislike of LO.

I think I finally understand why I dislike LO, and it's due to the lack of queerness. (as well as poor writing, poor character design and arcs and baffling changes to the family tree.)

Apollo, Hermes, Zeus, Poseidon, Dionysus, Aphrodite and MANY other gods are queer, it's kind of fundamental in Greek myth. it's understood and accepted but for some reason, Rachel Smythe erases any mention of queerness or cis-ness for that matter. Why...

Now when I say queerness I don't just mean Zeus taking male lovers or Artemis and Callisto, I mean fundamentally, at its core, Greek myth is queer. (Similar to how Bram Stroker's 'Dracula' is queer.) Zeus has given birth and experienced labour that is mostly reserved for women. Ares and Apollo protect women and children, Artemis, goddess of childbirth.

Greek myth is camp and queer (Dionysus's birth, Hermes first day as a baby...peak comedy.) And all that fun family drama and wars sprinkled in, INSTEAD. I feel that LO replaces this queerness with just. patriarchy. Time and time again we see Demeter, specifically, being the punching bag of this patriarchy. She is stripped of the title of mortal queen, she and Persephone are punished infinitely more harshly than the men involved in the cover-up, and the first time Hades actually talks *about* Demeter it's in regards to her as a 'sexual prospect.' And I mean...Hades feels lust towards Persephone's first meeting as well.

TLDR: So ontop of the family tree being moved around, the characters wildly inappropriate to 'canon' depictions, LO also removes the queerness (and campness, and tragedy.) of greek myth, making the series feel that much hollow and patriarchial.

[hihi-heart]

Been a while (I think?) but, do you often or sometimes listen to j-rock/band music on Spotify if you feel bored?

Ex.: Alice Schach & the Magic Orchestra, pitcher56, any CHAINSAW MAN related rock OSTs, etc.,

/genq

To my knowledge, I haven't gotten into much j-rock. I do sometimes listen to modern Japanese music. Listened to BABYMETAL during its earlier years, though only out of curiosity.

The only j-rock song I can think of is Senbonzakura or "One Thousand Cherry Trees", a vocaloid song about Japan's westernization and militarization during the Meiji restoration and Taisho Era.

(From here, I infodump about the song's intricacies and go over other Japanese songs I enjoy. Couldn't help myself. Keep reading for my analyses and overviews!)

The song's actually pretty fascinating. It uses a lot of idioms and indirect meaning, typical for older-styled Japanese songs. The idioms include references to weaponry, religion, and period imagery.

The song's visuals use an over-the-top pop portrayal of the time periods. To simplify, the time had a mix of Japanese tradition and western sensibility.

Miku's outfit is based on a army uniform but includes furisode kimono sleeves, a miniskirt, and shoes that combine loafers with geta sandals. Really leaning into the song's historical and anachronistic themes.

All of these aspects have caused some localization problems. Some English translators have put in a pro-war message that isn't explicitly stated. I will say, war propaganda songs then were incredibly subtle at the time, more than Senbonzakura. Both because that was the style at the time and probably to have more effective propaganda.

I'd say, one should expect anything made in modern Japan to be anti-war. They generally don't want a repeat of WWII.

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Other Vocaloid Songs I Listen To

"Ah, It's a Wonderful Cat Life" is just a cute song about two cats in love. The boy cat wants the girl to join his life as a stray. The girl, however, is a house cat and doesn't want to leave her pamper life or her owner. Both yet still want to be together. This one is just nostalgic, grew up loving this one.

"The Tailor of Enbizaka" is about a kimono tailor who kills a man's family out of a jealous delusion that he's her lover. Like Senbonzakura, the lyrics never states this explicitly but the tone and visuals make it obvious.

Fun fact: The red, green, and black pattern on the side is based on kabuki curtains.

"Feathers Across the Seasons" follows an old folktale called Tsuru no Ongaeshi or "Crane's Return of a Favor".

On a snowy mountain lives a happy couple. The man eventually becomes ill, leaving the woman to provide for both and earn money for medicine. The woman is hinted to actually be a shapeshifting crane that the man once saved. She then returned to him as a woman to marry him. As favor for saving her, the wife weaves and sell cloth made of her own feathers, sacrificing her own wellbeing for her husband's life. It's implied the husband dies, leaving the crane wife a grieving widow.

Some think the wife also dies, after using her last feather. I don't think that's the case though. But, like poetry, it's inappropriate to reference death directly, so without visuals, both deaths are ambiguous.

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Other Japanese Songs

Easy Breezy by Chelmico. I just heard the song from the anime Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! It's a fun song about creating and having fun regardless of what other people will think of you. Very appropriate for Eizouken, funny considering I don't think it was made for the show.

Nippon Egao Hyakkei or "Hundreds of Japanese Smiles" by Momoiro Clover Z. This song is mainly based in Rakugo, a traditional form of comedy. A single storyteller tells a long tale to build up to a big punchline. These stories rely on wordplay and delivery, so it's a bit hard to get into without a innate understanding of Japanese. The music video also uses elements of kabuki and festivals.

It has a simple message of enjoyment, to just laugh regardless of what strife comes along your way.

Through these songs, I realized that there's a common sentiment to enjoy life regardless of social expectations.

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Pacfiic Overtures

I wouldn't be me if I didn't mention Pacific Overtures. This musical is American-made. But it's based in Japan before the Arrival of the Black Ships and then before the Meiji Restoration. The original production is styled mainly after kabuki with a gradual westernization in visuals and instrumentation.

Pretty much every song here is great, my top three being The Advantages of Floating in the Middle of the Sea (the song above), There is No Other Way, and Someone in a Tree.

I recommend watching the original version then the 2003 Japanese prodution. That one removed the explicit kabuki elements, opting to use the more subtle parts of Japanese culture with a modern taste. (Using the 2004 Broadway revival since that was based on the Japanese one.)

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As you can tell, I prefer songs based on traditional music and history, something a little more that I can sink my teeth into. Also musicals but that's a topic for another day. Sorry for rambling, had to take the opportunity.

[livefordrama]

Reviewing Drama’s I Have Watched Part 10

Finally made it to double digits! Once again, here is my rating system:  1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again/may watch again, 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

You Raise Me Up: 4

Trigger Warnings: Anxiety attacks, Suicide attempt, Blood, Gore, Talk of insecurities and hating self.

You raise me up is a romantic comedy about a man who is incredibly insecure due to his failing of the civil service exam many years in a row which causes him be unable to become aroused. He seeks out a urologist to aid in his issues, however to his horror, his urologist is his first love who just so happens to have been bragging about him to her ex. She becomes determined to return him to the man he once was in order to save her pride.

This show was actually pretty good despite it’s more awkward scenes that give you second-hand embarrassment. I had to pause and walk away a few times due it just being so painfully awkward but it was really funny and super cute. I think it’s a good comedy for those who enjoy some drama with lots of silly, inappropriate jokes, and some cute romance. 

Hotel Del Luna: 4

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Violence, Death, Suicide threats, Gore, Non-con themes, Jump scares, Murder. 

Hotel Del Luna is a dark retelling of Beauty and the Beast where the girl is the Beast. It follows a young woman who was cursed to run a hotel and help lost souls pass on to the afterlife to pay back for her sins while living. She has been unable to get over her grudge for thousands of years and thus cannot be reborn. One day, she finds a living man in her hotel for the dead stealing a flower from her tree. She goes to kill him but after he begs to be set free for his son, she instead makes a deal with him that when his son is of age, said son will come to the hotel to work with her. After he becomes of age, the son is indeed taken to work at the hotel but it’s she who begins to regret her own deal. The two may just be tied together in a way neither imagined.

I really enjoyed this movie, it was dark yet pretty, the soundtrack and overall aesthetic were perfect. The only reason I give it a four is because is started to drag and get kind of boring towards the end only to feel rushed in the last few episodes. I wish the pacing was a little better but other than that it was very good. I highly recommend to those who enjoy classic story retellings with a twist, as well as those who enjoy gothic romance vibes. 

The Sound of Magic: 5

Trigger Warnings: SA, Bullying, Death, Neglect, Assault, Suicide, Mental breakdowns, Murder, Panic attacks, Abuse. 

The Sound of Magic is a dark musical about a girl growing up in poverty having to raise her little sister after her parents both abandoned them, who lives her life only to make ends meet. She wanders into the nearby abandoned amusement park where rumors of a real magician are spreading. There she meets the magician who tries his best to convince her that magic is real and to not only believe but allow herself to have fun and not have to worry about anything even if it’s just for a moment. Her along with the top student at school, start to take lessons with the magician however not everything is as it seems when more rumors spread and more people start to go missing. 

I absolutely loved this musical, it’s my first Korean musical and it exceeded every expectation I had. It was delightfully dark and mysterious while also being enchanting and magical. The storyline, singing, acting, it was all perfect. I only wish it had a few more episodes to cover some questions I had but overall it was spectacular and I highly recommend. Make sure to stay for after the credits on the final episode though, trust me. 

Moonshine: 4

Trigger Warnings: Murder, Death, Violence, Drunkenness, Blood, PTSD, Anxiety Attack, Torture.

Moonshine is set during the alcohol prohibition in Joseon Era Korea. It follows low ranking noble who, after finding herself in debt, decides to secretly make and sell alcohol and an investigator who stubborn holds onto his beliefs. Due to circumstances the two end up living in the same home. They start off as enemies but as their paths begin to entangle, they find themselves working together, along with the mischievous prince and romantic daughter of the minister of war, to reveal the truth behind the prohibition and their pasts.

I really enjoyed this series, it has enemies to lovers, found family, mystery, tragedy, fun characterization, and great writing. I saw many say that this show is “just about alcohol” and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. This show is about the struggle of sticking to your beliefs and loving someone who has a different set of beliefs, how powerful people will manipulate and sacrifice whoever they can to become more powerful, and how nothing is truly as it seems. I ended up watching this whole series in three days and enjoyed every minute of it and it ended exactly as I had hoped which is a huge plus. 

The Best Hit (Hit The Top): 5

Trigger Warnings: Terminal Illness

The Best Hit is a Comedy about a 90′s kpop idol who after a special storm, is teleported 20 years into the future where he discovers not only has he been missing for 19 years, but his family and friends all hate him because of his actions during that missing year. He know has to keep his identity a secret while trying to figure out exactly what happened that missing year to cause him to go missing. However, the longer he stays in the future the more he finds himself hesitant to go back.

(Spoilers ahead) Now hear me out, I know this show is on the controversial side because of the love triangle, but I genuinely enjoyed it. I loved the main lead with the girl, to me they had the most chemistry and the cutest scenes. I know a lot of people hated it because his “son” also had a crush on her and the age gap, but those feelings were never returned in the slightest, and they were both consenting adults who were physically and mentally the same age through wibbly wobbly timey whimey stuff. Not to mention, the main lead never even knew the mother or the son in his timeline and is from a completely different timeline (as seen when he can go back and see himself as well as he can exist in the future without affecting it). Plus the immediate ick and subsequent termination of any support of the son being with the girl the moment he told her that her feelings didn’t matter and that he would pursue her romantically no matter what she said. That just is disgusting to me, I don’t care how long you waited to tell her your feelings, her feelings are just as valid and important as yours, accept that she only sees you as a friend and move on. I saw a ton of people calling the couple disgusting and wrong and I just don’t see why, I mean he has less of an age gap even without the time skip than most “immortal falls for reborn love” kdrama which I also love dearly, don’t get me wrong. I think the winning couple was the best option and the ending was super cute. I do wish the son got with the female idol though, that was such a cute dynamic. (Spoilers end)

Okay, small rant over this show was hilarious, sad, and adorable. I enjoyed every second of it and binged it in only a few days. It had me on the edge of my seat wanting to see what happened next. I loved watching the characters become a family again. The romantic scenes were super cute and the funny scenes were my type of humor. Yoon shi yoon’s singing is also really great, I wasn’t expecting that but the song got stuck in my head for days. It’s got a lot of episodes but they are only about 30 minutes long so it’s perfect or a quick watch. 

Your Honor: 4

Trigger Warnings: Kidnapping, Torture, SA, SH, Suicide, Abuse.

Your Honor is about two twins who lead very different lives; one is a cold, arrogant lawyer, the other is a criminal who loves too much. After the lawyer goes missing one night, the criminal takes the opportunity to make some money and change his life by pretending to be his twin. However, he soon begins to become too attached not only to his new identity but to the student lawyer under him. After his brother returns, he has to figure out how to lead his own life without falling back into his old lifestyle. 

I know, I know. Two Shi-Yoon shows in a row? To that I say absolutely, he always does such a good job and sometimes I just wanna marathon new shows he stars in as they are always so good. (Also, I watched You Raise Me Up when it was airing so that one doesn’t count.) This show was no different, I love the drama that comes with the twins dynamic as more of the backstory gets revealed. I will say the court scenes are not at all accurate to the point of being laughable but it is very interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed watching all the ups and downs the plot goes through as the story carries on. I will say, I did give it a four due to how rushed the ending felt. I’m not saying it needed a super happy ending, I love my fair share of bittersweet endings, but this one really felt incomplete. I wish the characters got more closure than they did and that we had a proper interaction between the twins. Other than that, it was amazing and I highly recommend to those who enjoy drama, romance, humor, and a long watch for it has many episodes. 

Clean with Passion for Now: 5

Trigger Warnings: OCD, Panic Attacks, Mysophobia, Self-harm, Suicide Attempt.

Clean with Passion for Now is a romantic comedy based off a webtoon of the same name. It is about Jang Sun-Gyeol, a man with mysophobia, and Gil O-Sol, a girl who is very messy. They start off disliking each other because of their views on cleanliness, but as they learn to understand each other and the struggles they both have to face, they begin to realize they gained feelings for each other. 

This show was super cute! It’s like a perfect mixture of “My Shy Boss” and “I Am Not A Robot” both of which I adore. I feel like I just really like the trope of “Quiet, misunderstood CEO falls in love with struggling girl who is the exact opposite of him.” bonus points if they start off not liking each other and through a traumatic incident, realize each others struggles. The storyline was super cute, if a little gross and cringy in some scenes, and the characters were lovable, especially towards the end. The romance had me both laughing and awing, sometimes at the same time. I honestly liked all the versions of the love triangle, every ship had the potential and chemistry. My favorite scenes with no context are definitely the umbrella scene and the drunk scene. I did have a issue with how long the conflict took to be solved in comparison to how quickly it was solved and wrapped up. I wish the conflict could have gotten solved earlier, so we could have seen more of the wrap-up without it feeling as rushed as it did. Despite this, I really enjoyed watching and loved how it ended. 

 WebDrama

Blue Birthday: 4

Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Blood, Mourning, Murder, Gore, Self-harm.

Blue Birthday is a drama about a girl who lost her best friend and crush in high school, after getting some film developed from his camera years later she finds she can travel back in time to the day of the picture. Now she tries everything she can to make sure he survives but is she willing to pay the price of saving a life?

This show was really sad and kept you thinking about what could possibly come next. It was filled with twists and turns and I really enjoyed every second of it. It is super sad and dark so be careful when watching in case you are sensitive to any of the above triggers as it is graphic. 

The Great Shaman Ga Doo Shim: 5

Trigger Warnings: Bullying, Suicide, SH, Murder, Demonic Possession. 

The Great Shaman Ga Doo Shim is about a young girl who comes from a long line of powerful shaman, however she never wants to become one herself after witnessing the dangers and alienation that comes form the job. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get much of a choice as her mother transfers her to a school where the bottom ranking student always dies of mysterious causes. Causes that could only be an evil spirit. Now she and the schools top student, who she gives shaman abilities after her grandmother possesses him, must figure out how to stop the slaughter of their fellow classmates before they all die. 

This webdrama was amazing! I loved every moment of it and binge watched it in less than a day. I adore the relationship between the characters and the way the shaman powers are shown both humorously and also dramatically so that you understand that it’s a burdensome power but without making the show too dark. I will say I was thrown for a loop when (slight spoiler) we find out that Woo-soo’s future vision ability is not a shaman ability at the very last episode and it never explains why he has such an ability. My personal headcanon is that he always had it and that’s why the grandmother chose him, cause she knew he would be a powerful shaman and aid as he already had powers of his own. (spoiler end) There is a cute little puppy love romance that is so satisfying and the friendships are all adorable though I wish they actually explained how the highest ranking and lowest ranking classmates became close friends. Like they are so protective over each other and they talk like there’s a story only to brush it off when asked and it’s never actually explained. I just wish there was more explanation in general but I guess that’s what you get when you watch a webdrama. They don’t have enough time to explain everything so you’re left with so many questions, or maybe I just over think. Anyway, I adore this show and recommend to those who love supernatural stuff, drama, puppy love romance, and some cool but subtle super powers. 

[adultswim2021]

Perfect Hair Forever #7: “Return to Balding Victory” | April 1, 2007 - 12:00AM | S02E01

Hey! Look! It’s a new episode of Perfect Hair Forever for me to watch! What? I am half-remembering this, and using wikipeida to fill in my blanks: I think they announced season 2 as a web-exclusive show back when they were trying to make web-exclusive seasons of The Brak Show, 12 Oz. Mouse, and this. It was announced to debut in May of 2007 online, and that it would have 16 episodes. It did not have 16 episodes. It had one episode. And, it actually aired first on Adult Swim on the evening of March 31st. It aired at midnight, technically April 1st. We in the states call that “The April Fool’s Big Day”, and it’s a day when various television networks must appease the April Fool’s regard for mischief by playing weird stuff instead of normal stuff on their channels.

This is a for-real continuation of the series, and in fact it incorporates many elements of “Woke Up Drunk”, the “variety show” episode that seemed very skippable until this moment. It starts off with the three burly guard guys in bed together. In “Woke Up Drunk” we saw them, fully clothed, all saying things out loud like “we are having hardcore penetrative gay sexual right now” while also pointing out that they can’t actually show it on television, so they just have to say it’s happening. They call this bit back, but this time they mention that it’s the internet and not TV.

Then there’s an opening sequence! Which… that’s one of the songs that’s already been featured on the show, right? I found a wiki that used weird wording that made me think it was technically a different song. Oh well. It uses weird clips of things, including Vince Collin’s great animated work 200. I love that guy’s stuff. I highly recommend you check out his seminal short Malice in Wonderland. Talk about ADULT ANIMATION, baby (there are vaginas in it)!

Okay: so the plot is meandering and unwieldy like it always is on highly-serialized Williams Street shows. Inappropriate Comedy Tree is trying to convince Gerald that he lost his memory in the crash (he didn’t). Tornado and he fight. Then a tidal wave shows up, flooding, more-or-less, every location in the show. He has a face not unlike the Tornado, and calls himself “Wetsy”, and we see Space Ghost running in the background to avoid getting wet. Gerald wonders out loud “I wonder what will happen next… on the internet.”

Uncle Grandfather sexually harasses Brenda by getting into a huge body-sized condom and insists that they have sex. She ignores him. He says something like “god told me to blow everything up”. An explosion is heard. 

Next there’s a very long establishing shot of the house that Coifio was trying to sell. He sells it to Rod, the Anime God. Wetsy floods it, and that’s just too bad for Rod. Rod then declares that he has to move into a different house; the house featured in “Woke Up Drunk” with the blonde housewife. There’s a nightmarish, reality-bending flourish. Perhaps something is amiss. 

Back at Uncle Grandfather’s house, Brenda is jacking up the house to get it mostly out of the water. Coifio is seen in a row boat. He gathers Cat Man, who is shooting Wetsy with a gun (he also manages to put one in Coifio (who takes it all in stride, luckily). Coifio wants Cat Man to help him get to Gerald.

We cut to a “commercial”, but it’s shown on a TV screen with Gerald advertising, basically, his quest, and inviting people to also partake in said quest. This has a really funny moment where Kim Manning gives a too-spirited delivery of the final line of the ad and chuckles “that doesn’t sound like Gerald at all”. This is being viewed by Rod, the Anime God, I think (I forget and forgot to write it down). When we cut back to Gerald, he has great, ever-changing hair, and is being followed by a school of tuna (the flood means Gerald is mostly submerged in water). He cheerfully announces “So glad we finally reached Tuna Mountain. And did all that stuff.” and then mentions that they are going to either Pancake or Hamburger Mountain now. They pass by the severed hand of the Anime hero guy clutching the Hamburger medallion from episodes past. The medallion is wrapped up in some tree branches and the hand is just hanging off of it.

Catching up with that guy (his name is Young Man, I just learned) and his animal friends: They are floating by on the top of their car, I think? They see a cat and a hot dog bun fighting on the back of an alligator. It appears the war between them is not actually over. “I wish this wasn’t symbolic of anything, and that this whole thing were just an anime mindfuck” Young Man says. He arrives at Uncle Grandfathers house. 

The last bit is a bit of weird channel surfing, where we see the Special Presentation/Anime Talk Show/Adult Swim Brain Trust set. Rod the Anime God is with his new family, featuring the blonde housewife and what appears to be an alternate version of Gerald. The living room resembles the Brak Show set, though it’s not as perfect of a match as I thought when I looked it up and I’m not sure it’s even an intentional reference. And that, folks, is the end of the series. For a little while, at least.

I’m fond of this show. It’s mostly meaningless nonsense, but it’s pleasing to watch. I wish there actually was a second season. But I like that they randomly revive it when we’re all least expecting it (to be fair, April Fool’s Day falling on Adult Swim’s anime night is a reasonable night to expect it, when you think about it). I don’t think I ever did watch the other episode of this that came out a few years later. Was it good? Did it end the series? Am I nice?

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Perfect Hair Forever Fansub April Fools stunt (April 1, 2007)

After the surprise episode 7, we were treated to more April Fools fun: A marathon of Perfect Hair Forever but in reverse episode order. The episodes were run through multiple generations of VHS dubbing and given amateurish-looking subtitles to simulate the tape-traded fan-subbed animes of yore, when hobbyists would localize anime that hadn’t found official release in North America yet. There were, in fact, turf wars over this sort of thing. The stunt involved poorly-translated subtitles that, in fact, at one point just start being subtitles for an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode instead. Hilarious. You can find some of the fan-sub versions of the episodes online. It’s worth a look!

MAIL BAG

ill always love the cinco credit union sketch because the idea of a bank sending you a porno in the mail is too delightful for words!

I think I failed to highlight this part; there is indeed a callback to the Pizza Boy sketch in the Cinco Credit Union sketch where the kiosk announces to Eric that a copy of the film is being mailed to his home, where his wife will probably receive it and get pissed off. Season one in particular tried to be thematic and have sketches refer to each other. I feel like this element of the show was sorta faded out as the series went on.

I love the first part of the Lazy Horse mattress sketch and I think its a classic, but I agree that the follow up just veers into some Jhonen Vasquez territory.

That’s a good way of putting it. That guy... whew! I NEVER liked him. Actually, that’s not true. The first time somebody gave me one of his comics I read it and liked it. Truth be told, I decided not to like him after all my mean internet friends said it sucked. Is it good (his body of work I mean)

"wahh I don't like when david cross says ho-ho" Shut Up You Fucking Baby!

That’s not how I said it! I said it like a cool guy!

I love that Richard Dunn was already legendary by episode 7, enough that we all knew his name and were concerned that he actually died. RIP to a king

Nothing but respect for my president

I want to punch will forte in the face in front of his family for using digital animation. Fucking idiot.

Noooo! I heard he’s nice!

[imspardagus]

Be careful what you wish for

What will the Gregg Wallace saga teach us? The probable answer is: absolutely nothing. It’s not a question of teaching old dogs new tricks. More that, as we are in the field of time-worn adages, you can lead a horse to water…

Because (and I am not, decidedly not, claiming to know that Gregg was guilty of inappropriate behaviour: that is for others to determine) once again, the BBC (it is not always the BBC, but is more often than it should be) seems to have got exactly what it bargained for.

You can almost hear the commissioning team’s discussion over who to pick to front the Masterchef cash cow and the others. “We can’t have two people who are refined. The public won’t buy it. What we need is someone who’s a bit of a geezer, a bit of a lad. A cheeky chappie. You know, a bit … edgy. A bit … working class.” “How about an East End greengrocer who hasn’t grown into his vowels yet?” “Oh, yes!”

Sounds a bit patronising? Well surely no surprise there. It’s how we got the likes of Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, Jeremy Clarkson, Alan Carr, Jay Blades (I am not saying that any of these is a bad person, just that they share certain personality traits that made them appealing to condescending and algorithmically-driven snobs). And that’s without referencing Jimmy Savile. It’s the same mindset that foisted Mrs Brown’s Boys on us, insisting it is a “comedy” and East Enders, insisting it was “true to East End life”. It’s the same mindset that gives us those God-awful afternoon quiz shows in which ignorant people are encouraged to parade their ignorance. Away from the BBC, it is how we got those interminable “reality” TV shows: Love Island, Big Brother, The Only Way is Essex, to name but one.

It’s not new. The Upper Classes have always favoured a bit of rough, so long as it knows its place. It makes them feel more in control. It makes them feel superior. Until, of course, the bit of rough begins to get ideas above its station. Until, that is, the bit of rough not so much forgets itself as remembers itself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an Essex Boy myself. My family tree is two hundred years of East London. But if your idea of authenticity is that bit of rough, nicely muzzled at first, don’t be surprised if it takes the skin off your hand when you make a deal with it. If you want a diamond geezer don’t ever expect him to polish up like the finest brilliant cut.

I was born in the Fifties, in Ilford, and I grew up with “banter” and men behaving badly. It was banter of the ugliest kind and women were the butt of most of it. The rest was reserved for lesbians and homosexuals and the racial minorities. A lot of my generation and the generations that came after it gradually learned better. Sadly a lot didn’t. A lot thought, and still do think, that it was their manhood that was under threat when women found enough of a voice to explain about respect and consent and to expect a bit of common decency. They didn’t realise, and sadly still don’t, that respect and decency are the hallmarks of real manhood, that restraint and consideration and kindness are qualities to be admired and emulated and that self-indulgence and bullying are actually the marks of weakness and failure.

Again, I am not saying that the allegations against Gregg Wallace are true, but I have known, and still encounter, men of my age who, it seems, cannot contain themselves when a woman is present, particularly a young and attractive woman. They seem to believe they have a duty to be – in their minds – laddish, and in everyone else’s mind boorish.

But look at the evidence and you have to wonder if perhaps the commissioning teams actually got it – us – right. In the US, we have just witnessed the election of a philandering, groping slob, one who doesn’t even try to disguise his bullying baseness or his low opinion of women, especially bright women. We have had Weinstein behaving towards young and vulnerable women in ways that would make a teenage boy blench. And yet still we defend the behaviour.

Last Sunday I was in the White Horse. Most of the time the chat was pleasant and light but someone brought up the Wallace affair. His view, as a sixty-something male of reasonable education and professional status, was that it was all a “witch hunt” by “the woke” and that nobody was safe from these vigilantes. I attempted to put the other side but my attempt was howled down, not least by the two women present, one of whom was a primary school head teacher who claimed, proudly, that she “liked a bit of banter and didn’t see anything wrong with it”.

So maybe they got it right and maybe this kind of behaviour is what we truly wish for.

So here goes. Have you heard the one about ….

[pink-catnip]

Watch "Perfect Hair Forever- Inappropriate comedy tree" on YouTube

[eyeballs-in-my-head]

Part 2/2

I like to think lore-wise this – or generally things like this – take place before Fopha gets to know abt Maki's whole family history deal, AND before he gets to know him better. Because I'll sooner be dead than be able to write literally anything without comedy in it🤕

Convenient timing from Maki, as always. I mean, the situation is literally just:

"Hey I like this guy. I want him to like me too"

"I fucking hate this guy, stupid annoying goodie two shoes, can't wait till he leaves"

...

"Y'know what, he might not be that ba--"

"*says the most inappropriate shit in the most inconvenient time ever*"

"... Yeah never mind"

Hhouuhghh I want to season my food with them or nail them on a tree or dip them in warm milk and chuck them at my wall or somethinnggg

Comic Posting Yupii

Part 1/2 bc of the picture limit </3

Part 2 in the rbs 🫶

Maybe he should've thought twice before making jokes in front of someone who's been conditioned into following orders his whole life but🤷

What do I know, I'm just the writer🤕

Btw no, neither of them are serious, and Pup knows that<3

[thecittiverse]

If Perfect Hair Forever isn't your favorite anime, you're a poser. I eagerly await a live action Netflix reboot!

[theeweguy]

Norman Douglas / Inappropriate Comedy Tree From Perfect Hair Forever  _eWe

[1honeymilkwrites1]

Train Me Hashira!

Rengoku x Slayer Reader

Comedy/Fluff

Warnings: Slight Bullying, Hashira behaving inappropriately

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You lie still with your eyes closed surrounded by lush green bushes and tree trunks. Your hands are placed on your chest as if to cradle your heart. A soft breath silently escapes your mouth as you relax your muscles relishing in the quietness of this hideaway. You take care to not make a single peep while you hide. You hadn’t been able to rest much during Hashira training for the last year or two. Once you were recognized for your strength you were chosen to be trained by a Hashira. By who was the complicated part. When you finally open your eyes you immediately regretted doing so. As you look to your side, a scarred face peered from one of the bushes with a menacing grin. Birds scatter above the trees as you let out a surprised screech.

-----------

Sanemi had you thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he walked along the dirt path. You kicked in protest as your left hand held down the back of your skirt and the other smacked at his back while you shout for freedom. Seeing your demands fall on deaf ears you let out a defeated sigh while Sanemi adjusts you on his shoulder with a triumphant smile. Staring at the passing dirt you silently wished you took the Flame Hashira’s offer to train you himself. Instead you shrieked and bowed quickly with a “I’m so sorry!” before turning on your heel and running. Your heart skipped a beat when you thought about his smile though. That smile that rivaled the brightness of the sun itself.

You were broken from your thoughts by Sanemi dumping you on the hard ground. You position yourself on your knees and quickly look away while beads of sweat race down your face. Sanemi walks behind you picking up the Kendo you abandoned. He walks back to your front tossing the kendo to you without warning. You let out a squeak as you caught it and looked up at him. He points his own at you and gets into an offensive stance.

“You’ll never become a Hashira, let alone a well known slayer at this rate. Everyone must’ve lost their collective minds when they said you showed potential. What a crock of shit!”

Before you could retort Sanemi was on you in a flurry of slashes. You panic blocking as best you can, but he was so fast you can feel the wind nick at your flesh. Surprisingly you were able to block most if not all his attacks. Your training was paying off a bit. You think back awhile ago when you trained with him. He was just as brutal. Not letting up even as you whined. Standing firm on your feet you wait for his next big swing. As he delivers it you move backward and twist your body around, hands clenched on your kendo and aiming for his side. Just as you thought you had him he struck HARD on the top of your head. You see stars as you land on the ground squirming, spirals swirling where your eyes should be.

When you snap out of your thoughts you’re still blocking Sanemi’s attack. You gasp as he lunges at you but you quickly dodge as you did before. His wide aggressive eyes peered into yours as you glared with determined intent. With a swipe of your sword you deliver a slash right to the side of his face. Or so you thought... In an instant your kendo was flying in the air and landed right behind you. Sanemi whipped around ready to strike. You closed your eyes bracing for the impact. You felt a whirl of wind sweeping over you, but no pain. You opened an eye to see Sanemi’s face near yours. Your cheeks flush red as you stare back at him with wide eyes.

“You’ve gotten faster at least. You still need work. If I were a demon you’d be in my stomach by now.”

You smile giddily but while you were internally celebrating he hit you in the knee making you fall down holding your leg. You were sure that he didn’t like you from the the start, so this only strengthened your assumption.

Your time with Tengen Uzui wasn’t any better. He wasn’t as physically aggressive as Sanemi but his personality was just as bad. Training with him made you feel a bit inferior. His self grandeur made you sick to your stomach sometimes. Some could even say you and Zenitsu shared the same feelings about him. Every self appreciating comment made red aggressive veins appear around your face. You never voiced how you felt, but he’d be an oblivious fool to not realize what you were thinking by your facial expressions. What you hated more was that he’d deliver a hard spank with the flat of his weapon to your bottom whenever you misstep or falter in anyway. If you were faster you’d black his eye, but all you could do was rub vigorously at your aching behind and let out an embarrassed squeal.

You tried training With Misturi and Shinobu. Shinobu had a lighthearted vibe about herself but her condescending words betrayed her voice. She liked to point out some of your flaws to rile you up a bit and get you invested in landing a hit. You don’t too much know what brought on this barrage of insults but for Shinobu it was motivation. She loved to get in close to your face while teasing you. Embarrassingly close. Damn near kissing range and making you blush. She was, for lack of a better word, quite the bitch with a honey voice.

You liked Mitsuri though. She was genuinely kind hearted and a joy to be around. Training with her was simple enough, but she didn’t have much to offer you other than fundamentals. Her chest being on display was a bit distracting though, and a cruel reminder of your own smaller chest size. Too be honest you could barely call it training. You didn’t mind it though. When you guys would take a break she would happily share her bento with you even when you’d decline her offer. She would gush over the other Hashiras with you as well as some of the other slayers of the Corp. Although you didn’t find yourself a fan of a few of them you still joined in merely. You two were like two school girls gushing  over the latest heart throb, especially when it came to the Flame Hashira. Mitsuri thought it was cute that you often brought him up. Why was that anyway?

You asked Giyu and Muichiro to train you. You were a bit intimidated by Giyu though. He didn’t seem to speak much and he was always right to the point when you met up to train. He kept you on your toes with his swings. He was more intent on your reflexes rather than just beating you to pulp. You were thankful for that. He would give one word praises or scolds. He definitely wasn’t much of a conversationalist. Muichiro was no different. With them you felt a bit lonely. They were definitely different from the other Hashira, but you did welcome their calm collected approach to training than ultimately humiliating you. Seriously...you started to think the other Hashira got off on it at this point. 

Muichiro spoke even less than Giyu. Every time you tried to spark up of conversation he didn’t reply. Were you a bother to him? Did he even remember you existed? Or was he just simply not interested in anything more than training you. It felt awkward and wondered if he was forcing himself to tolerate your sessions. The last thing you wanted was to waste his or anyone’s time. You would refrain from asking both him and Giyu to train you from now on only accepting to train under them as long as it isn’t an inconvenience. 

You didn’t even ask Obanai to train you. You knew he wouldn’t have even if you did. He didn’t recognize your strength right a way after all. He was harsh at the tongue. WAY worse than Sanemi and Shinobu. He would really cut to the core of your soul. No way would you be able to take a second of him berating you. You knew you would probably burst into exaggerated tears the second his voice pierced through his bandages. Or fantasize about putting poison Ivy in his haori. Actually you’d like to put poison ivy in his, Sanemi, Tengen and Shinobu’s clothes. The image of their withering bodies desperately trying to scratch mused its way into your head. The thought gave you a mischievous grin some times. Did that make you a bad person?

You liked Gyomei but you were thrown off by his crying. You didn’t know if you said or did anything to cause this reaction from him all the time. During training , which focused on your strength, you would apologize profusely damn near coming to tears yourself when you’d see him cry. How could this giant of a man be brought to tears by the most insignificant or things? Were you really that bad at what you were doing? Was there no real hope for you? These thoughts would plant themselves in your mind every time your heard or see him cry. This was something you couldn’t handle. You’d gladly push 100 boulders before you watch his tears fall again. Maybe if you did they’ll be tears of joy.

--------------

Lastly you saw Kyojuro in the distant enjoying a bento. You could hear him shout how delicious it was even from where you were. His voice made you quicken in your step. Once you were near him those bright eyes widen with excitement. He shouted your name and patted the space beside him. Right beside him. Once you sat he asked you how your training was going. All your latest pains from your head to your bottom started to resurface. A foul look crept on your face as if you were getting sick while the faces of a glaring Sanemi, grinning Tengen, laughing Shinobu and sneering Obanai haunted your mind. You got from where you were sitting a kneeled quickly before Kyojuro.

“Please train me, Rengoku!”

Kyojuro looked at you with wide eyes and a grand smile while his mouth was still full. He took a big gulp before getting to his feet, crossing his arms letting out a loud, excited laugh. You didn’t know it but you made his chest flutter with butterflies. He thought you didn’t like him or maybe he came off too strong when you first met. But that wasn’t it. In fact you adored him. Everything about him. He was too distracting though. You didn’t know how you would be able to focus during training with his beautiful form so close to yours. Thats why you told him no before. Given the alternatives you would welcome being flustered over humiliated by the other Hashiras. You would understand if he refused you after you declined him outright. You look up to see Kyojuro’s hand stretched out to you. Once he helps you to your feet he pats the top of your head gently.

“Of course I’ll train you, Y/n!”

You beamed with happiness inside staring at those fiery eyes of his. You were so pleased that you didn’t really know how to express how you felt right now in the moment. Kyojuro tilted his head to the side studying your blank face.

“Y’n?”

You blink at him while he still held your hand.

“.............You look like an owl.”

[hardstraykidshours]

stray kids fic-mas: day 10

pairing: none, just seungmin

genre: smut (suggestive), comedy, 18+ (minors dni)

summary: seungmin is a little too good at white elephant gifts.

length: 328

warnings: profanity, sexual/suggestive content, lots of talk about sex toys but none actually used, nsfw 18+ (minors dni)

ficmas 2022 masterlist

seungmin is an absolute menace when it comes to white elephant parties. he's always trying to find a way to win at every single one (even though there's literally no such thing as a winner or loser at a white elephant exchange). if there's a game involved, he's either working it to his advantage or completely sabotaging it. but that's not the worst part. in fact, if that was all he did it wouldn't be that bad. you're used to him being overly competitive about literally everything. 

the part where he takes things a little too far is with the gifts that he brings to the party. he always manages to bring the most outrageously bizarre and inappropriate gift he can possibly find. and since everything is technically anonymous and seungmin has an excellent poker face, you and the other members are the only ones who ever know that it's seungmin who brought the weird festive sex toy to the party. 

and not only does he always stick to the holiday theme, but he also somehow always manages to find something weirder each time. just when you thought it couldn't get worse than the sugar plum fairy bullet vibrator or the giant candy cane dildo, his gift last weekend included a bright green christmas tree butt plug complete with a big gold star and lights that actually work. no matter how many times you ask him, he refuses to tell you where he finds this stuff. at this point you're convinced he's having them custom made just so he can fuck with people when they open the white elephant gift.

and if he's not finding a way to "win" at each party, he's focusing his maniacal efforts on making sure his gifts end up in the hands of whoever would be the most uncomfortable. this isn't always as easy as it sounds though because for some reason changbin keeps trying to go home with seungmin''s weird sex gifts.

[ifitwerentforthatmeddlingkid]

Both Monster House (2006) and Paranorman (2012) have

A protagonist that's an awkward skinny boy with dark hair

A best friend who's shorter, chubbier, and has lighter hair

Another friend that's a girl who's much smarter than the boys but kind of an asshole about it

A teen girl who babysits him but is not particularly interested in his well-being

The babysitter's crush who is not particularly interested in reciprocating that affection

Parents who love the protagonist but are not very good at expressing it

Incompetent cops

An older man who has a reputation for being creepy and repulsive as a result of his vain attempts to protect the town from an evil entity

An evil entity that is actually a woman/girl whose persecution in life led to a tragic death and subsequent haunting

Utilization of a rarer form of animation (mocap/stop-motion)

A scene where a character comes literally face to face with a corpse

Trees! That move! And try to kill people!

A plot that starts as a rompy horror-comedy until the truth behind the ghost is revealed and then it gets really fucking sad all of a sudden

A plan that involves putting the ghost to sleep indefinitely

An ending that involves freeing the ghost and reminding her that she is not alone and has loved ones

A lot of really inappropriate jokes that I for one think are pretty funny

[thethermocline]

I've finished the Two Towers!

Concluding thoughts: my god, but I'm so invested in these movies. They have flaws. They have such flaws. But there's so much they do right. The backgrounds, most of the acting, costuming, sets, there's so so much here that's good.

I think Tolkien would hate the battle scenes. The comedy beats are wildly inappropriate. War isn't supposed to be cool. And I don't think he'd appreciate the shield surfing, specifically.

Also they really did fake that Arwen's gonna sail. 🙄 Please. We all know it won't happen, all you're doing is wasting our time. I liked seeing her again, I just wish it'd been spent on something more productive.

Eowyn is amazing. Frodo and Sam are amazing.

The ents strike me as too small? I mean, you see Treebeard next to actual trees, he looks like a child. I'm assuming that's due to technical considerations of some kind.

I've now seen the iconic Aragorn-doors scene. I felt nothing. I'm not attracted to the actor though, so I'm assuming it's spectacular if you are.

I think that's it. Really really cool movie. I'm having fun. ☺️

[gumdytoonsen]

Hello everyone Yesterday was International Women's Day but the problems The Controversies in the Training were The Cartoons by the Crystal Generation as you have already seen in my FANART Like the case of NY Time and Feminist Frequency, Warner Bros and Cartoon Network were asked to eliminate 7 characters such as: PEPE LE PEW ROBOT JONES JOHNNY BRAVO KAZ IRWIN Chris and the ice king For the use of characters as inappropriate For the Anger of Radical Feminist Characters like: The Powerpuff Girls, Femme Fatale, Shannon, Amiyumi her Kittens Yaken and Henkirai, Marceline,bubble Gum Princess and all the Women of Aron City and Princess of the OOO Amiyumi's Concerts Now With Women and Cat Fulfilling the Orders of MANDY AND THE INPECTOR VAGGIE And for [Adult Swim] For His Cartoons For Adults like: robot chicken Birdman Lawyer a Superheroes who is a Former Hero and Lawyer rick and morty mr pickle Auqua Teen Hungry Force Mission Hill Similar to Daria The Oblongs High School of Clones University students The Venture Brothers off-the-air The Shivering Truth And Teenage Euthanasia Rating Ala Warner Bros and Cartoon Network as %500 Super Macist

And your competition too Paramout and Nickelodeon %100 Machista for SpongeBob as Legal Owner also For Being Dumb Dirty Boy Dan along with Patrick Star Including Timmy Turner for Perverted Wing Owned by Trixie Tang and her Fairly OddParents for their Chaotic Wishes Clyde For the Love of Lori and the Loud Sisters with Their Friend from All over Royalwood For the Purchase of MTV AND COMEDY CENTRAL For the Competition That Also Has Cartoons for Adults such as: South Park: Child Abuse, Disgusting, Violent Scenes, Use of Inappropriate Language and Sexual Content Ugly American: Violent, Sexual and Disgusting Content Drawn Toneger : Parody of Big Brother and Children's Series with Inappropriate and Disgusting Scenes Celebrities DeathMash: Fights With Violence Beavis and ButtHead for Being Dumb and Rock Fans Happy Tree Friends for Animal Abuse And also all the Shorts like: TripTank, Liquid TV and StaketVision with Andy Minonaski and the Cast of Jackass and Jersey Shore ALSO Fired Chris Savino, John K and Dan creator of Nickelodeon Live Action Series

Next Competition Walt Disney is 10% Less Macist For His Movies and Animated Series that do respect feminism USE PANTS

And for the purchase of FOX too pointless futurama The Simpsons for their Predictions Family Guy American DAD Cleveland Show brinkiberry Bob's Burgers The Kings of the Hill And all the FOXADHD shorts

Also the firing of John Lasseter from PIXAR So were the Controversies in the World of Entertainment But see below Comming UP

[vegetableknight]

A peculiar question

I really wanted to try and post something on tumblr, so I tought why not upload a fanfic I wrote back in January.

Genres: Comedy / Romance

It was a normal day for Hanji. And it should have been if not for the question that she received.

„What?"

„Uh, we asked if you and the captain were together?" Asked Armin. He and the some of other newbies from the 104th were surounding Hanji as she stood there in shock. Suddenly, Hanji started laughing histericlly, scaring the cadets around her.

„Me and that shorty? That's the funniest thing I've heard this week. But where did you got this idea from?" She asked while trying to compose herself. It's not like it wasn't true, but she wasn't going to just tell them, especially when the two of them were trying to keep it a secret.

Jean looked at her from his spot beside Connie and said „You seemed awfully close and your teamwork is really good."

„Yeah, and you even have nicknames for each other." Added Sasha, as everyone around nodded agreeing with her.

„Well I get your point, but that doesn't mean anything. Teamwork is very important while fighting titans. Hanji said. „And nicknames don't mean anything, I just call him what he is."

„Okay, then what about the rumor?" asked Reiner.

„What rumor?" Hanji looked at him confused.

„The one about how captain knocks you out to bathe you." Explained Mikasa.

„Ohhh" Hanji stretched out. „That one. From who did you heard it?"

„Hah, so you're not denying it?" Exclaimed Connie. „And we heard it from Olou, but he's not the only one who was talking about it."

„Hmm, It's not like I care about the rumor, but if more people start confusing it as an act of love, then that's definetly not good. Besides, how is knocking someone out and bathing them romantic?"

Armin spoke again. „It's not that it's romantic. It's just that you're a woman. A-and…" a red blush creeped on his cheeks as he started to stutter.

„What do you mean?" Hanji looked at Armin with confusion in her eyes.

„He means that it's inappropriate for a man to see a womans body if they aren't together" Jean answered instead. Unlike Armin his face seemed calmer but you could still see a tint of red on it.

„That's fair, but when did I say that the rumor was true? You can't really call it inappropriate if it didn't even happen" Hanji smiled at them. While it was true that Levi bathed her, she was not going to tell them that. As if she was going to give them the satisfaction of being right.

„Well you didn't denny it either" said Sasha.

„Okay let's cut the chase, are you with the captain or not?" Interrupted Ymir. „You can answer or we can just ask squad leader Mike when he comes back from Stohess."

„Okay, okay. No, we're not together. And don't bother asking Mike, he wouldn't smell me if his life depended on it. But if you want more couples to investigate, then go after Mike, he's practically married to Nanaba"

„Uh, thanks, but we already confronted them about it" Sasha said while eating a loaf of bread.

„Whaaat? I bet that was really funny, you should have told me sooner, I would have helped you snitch them out." Hanji yelled in disappointment. She really would have liked to see his face after that ass snitched on her and Levi. Oh yeah, she knew it wasn't Olou, that idiot would be way too proud to see that his captain was sleeping with her, even if it happened right in front of his nose. And even if there was a small chance that he noticed, he would not snitch on his captain. But Mike. That tree definetly told trainees about her and Levi's relationship for the fun of it. Or maybe because she barged in Nanaba's room while they were at it. She still couldn't decide.

„What's happening here?" A familiar voice interupted her thought process. She looked up to see Levi standing in the doorstep looking at the kids, then at her.

„Ohhhh, Levi, don't worry, the kids just asked me about the titans, but they were about to leave, right?" She smirked at them.

„Uhh, yes, goodbye squad leader" They saluted and left the room, hurrying to go as far away from the short, angry captain as they could. When the two of them were finally alone, Levi sat on the chair beside her and asked. „So what the hell actually happened. You can't expect me to believe that you would release them so easily when the topic at hand was titans."

„Ahh, you're right. We weren't talking about titans. They actually asked if we were dating. Those kids were really keen on finding out if were an item or not. So you coming in here saved my ass from any further interrogation. Wouldn't want them finding out that their clean freak of a captain has such a peculiar taste." At hearing this, he was silent for a minute and then muttered.

„It seems that we'll need to be more careful from now on."

"Careful? How can we be carefull when you're this horny all the time. It's as if you're a bird in spring looking to get laid" As Hanji said that she got closer to his face and kissed him on the lips, waiting for an invitation for something more.

Sudenly, a loud gasp was heard and they both looked towards the source of it. There, in the doorstep stood Sasha, Connie and Jean with big grins in on their faces as if they won a lottery.

"So it was true, you are dating" Jean finally broke the silence. Levi facepalmed.

"More careful my ass" he sighed.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

15.12, le tits now, trent baretta

Title: le tits now ( let it snow wrapping paper used wrongly, ftw.) 

Theme: Wrapping paper

Fandom / Character(s):Trent Baretta, AEW

Warnings: It’s flirtatious and a little comedy. Oh and definitely over the top fluffy. That’s p. much it. 

Word Count: uhhh... roughly 2k.

This is my entry to @champbucks 12 Days Of Christmas Challenge for the day.Listen.. I was shown a picture by my bb @schizoauthoress​ that I immediately took and ran with. So.. thank them for the inspo. The wrapping paper is supposed to say let it snow, but instead, it’s wrapped horribly enough that it reads le tits now. Annnyway. I went full on sexy rom com funny with this, so I really hope ya’ll like it? I had way too much fun writing it.

BTW>. i made the banner thing. No stealing.

Tagging:

@kyleoreillysknee​​​

@rampagewriting​​​

@writertoo18​​​

@thatnerdwriter​​​

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​​​

@chasingeverybreakingwave​​​

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif​​​

@sassymox​​​

@champbucks​​​

@hungmanhorsecarriage​​​

@wardl0w​​​

@ryantaylorgirl​​​

@dilfmoxley​​​

@hotyeehawman​​​

@gabbynorth98​​​

@bec0m​​​

@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch​​​

@daddyslittlevillain​​​

[ about page | masterlist | tag list ]

The baseball cap was being passed around Catering and for the most part, I ignored it. Only vaguely noticed it. Hell, if I’m being honest, I was only halfway listening to Brandi Rhodes as she explained the ‘rules’ that went along with Secret Santa.

Kris leaned in and elbowed me, whispering with a soft laugh, “I hope I get OC.”

“I don’t care who I get as long as it’s not Hager. Because I can’t punch him in the dick and call it a present to humanity.” I mumbled, shrugging lazily as I scrolled Twitter.

More to the point, I may or may not have been scrolling Trent’s Twitter… For the fourth time that day. As soon as Kris caught onto it, she smiled and teased quietly, “But you’d really like it if you got Trent’s name.. Right?”

“I mean.. I wouldn’t exactly complain.” I answered Kris, putting down my phone and looking up at her, laughing softly. I could feel someone staring at me but I didn’t bother turning around. It was probably Hager again, being gross.. Again.

The baseball cap made it’s way to our table. Kris went first, pulling out a slip of paper.

“Ooh.”

“What’s ooh? Did you get OC?” I asked, teasing a little. 

“No, actually.” Kris was giving me this smug little smirk. I pretty well knew she wasn’t going to tell me just yet. And it didn’t really bother me.

I eyed the baseball cap. “Well, here goes nothing. Please baby Jesus in the manger, don’t be Hager. Don’t be Hager..” I reached in and grabbed at two slips, letting the first one settle back in the hat and pulling out the second. I opened it, eyes scrolling over the writing on the page.

“Oh thank god. It’s not Hager.” I may or may not have said it a little too loud, because at the table behind us, I heard Chuck Taylor start snickering, immediately launching into an impersonation of Hager that prompted me to turn and laugh as I nodded and gave him the thumbs up.

“You have to sound dumb as a brick next time though, Chuckie.. Man’s as dumb as a brick.”

“Noted, darlin. Who did you two get, huh?” Chuck asked Kris and I. 

“We’re not supposed to tell! That ruins the whole surprise!” Kris’ eyes went wide. I laughed and shook my head. I nodded my head subtly towards Kris when she was preoccupied and Chuck smirked, leaning in to whisper, “Just shove her in a room with Orange. Pretty sure it’ll make both their Christmas real jolly.”

“Noted, Chucky boy.” 

Knowing that Chuck was one of exactly 3 people who kind of knew about my little crush on Trent, I leaned in a second later and whispered, “Any idea who got Trent’s name?”

Chuck shrugged but he waited and leaned across the aisle when everybody else was occupied or talking and muttered quietly, “If I find out, I’ll send ‘em your way.”

“Yeah, that’d be great. I got Kris, but I’ve already got her a present or two.” I explained. And honestly, after that I totally forgot about the whole thing.

XXX

“Who did you get, man?” Chuck asked the question because Trent was.. In deep thought mode and hadn’t been listening to at least the last ten minutes of the conversation currently going on around him. The question was enough to pull Trent out of his deep thought and Trent chuckled, raising his hips so that he could dig around in the pockets of his jeans to find the slip of paper he’d drawn earlier that night in Catering when they all drew names.

Chuck took the slip and looked at it, promptly chuckling.

“So you’re going for it, huh?”

“Mhm. Was there any doubt though, Chuckie?”

“Good. Good, man.” 

Orange spoke up from the back. “I got Trent.”

Trent chuckled.

“Thinkin about tradin though. Found something I wanted to get Kris.”

Chuck rubbed his chin thoughtfully and filed away what Orange revealed for later. Maybe he’d run into his friend again later, when he didn’t have Trent and Orange hanging around.

Orange eyed Chuck and asked, “Who’d you get?”

“Stunt. I’ll get the kid some guitar strings and a few picks or something. That’ll be a damn breeze.”

“Excuse me, did you say you were trading my name, Orange? I thought we were buds.” Trent pretended to pout and Orange rubbed his chin, smirking as he shrugged. He sank back against the backseat and dragged his fingers through his hair. “We are. Just thought it was time I did something.”

“Yeah, same thing with me. I get it, man.” Trent explained. And he smirked to himself, because he had more than a few ideas just how he could go about what he had in mind. 

XXX

I’d just stepped into the hotel lobby when an arm shot out from behind the christmas tree tucked away in the corner. I’d been just about to start swinging when I realized it was Chuckie.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“I have news.”

“Yeah?” I eyed him, wondering what the hell was up. When he explained that he knew who’d gotten Trent’s name and that this person might be willing to trade, especially if I had Kris’ name… I nodded, smirking and giving Chuck a high five. “Take me to this person. Let’s do this. I’m ready for things to… Finally come out.”

Chuck gave me this smirk that gave me the distinct feeling that there was more that he wasn’t saying, but instead of pressing him for it, I chose to follow along. We wound up by the vending machines and while I waited and Chuck texted whoever he was telling me about just a second or two ago, I got myself some junk food and a few sodas for the night, promptly popping the top on a wild cherry Pepsi and taking myself a seat on the floor, my back to the machine.

About a minute later, Orange Cassidy appeared, leaning lazily in the doorway, smirking as he rubbed his chin. “She’s the one, huh?” and he went quiet again, as if he were in thought. “You have Kris’ name?”

“I do, yeah. I already got her presents that I want to give her… Hey, wait… Are you looking for her name specifically?” I flashed Orange a teasing grin and he shrugged, answering with a quiet “Maybe.”

I dug around, producing the slip of paper, holding it out. Orange dug the slip of paper with Trent’s name on it out of his jacket pocket, but before he handed it over, he gave a teasing smirk. “At least you’re cool.”

“I,uh.. Thanks I think?” I dragged my hand through my hair and gave a soft laugh and as we switched names, I asked, “This stays between us… Right?”

“Definitely. See ya around. Chuck, Trent’s looking for you.” Orange nodded towards the check in desk. After another second or two of Chuck teasing me and saying that he should have known I had a thing for Trent because apparently I wasn’t as good at hiding it as I thought I was, Chuck and Orange left, leaving me sitting there to finish off my Pepsi in silence as I waited on the line at the check in desk to die down just a little.

And as I did that, I scoured a few shopping sites, trying to settle on what exactly I wanted to get Trent for Christmas, while mumbling to myself audibly, “I should just show up on the night we’re to meet up face to face in a big red bow…”

From behind me, I heard Kris giggle.

“So you did get Trent…” Kris mused, flopping down to sit beside me. I smiled and nodded. There was absolutely no way I was going to ruin the whole surprise where Orange willingly trading around til he wound up with her name was concerned, so for now, I saw no need in mentioning that I’d traded.

“It might be a little cold for your idea just now.” Kris cautioned and I gave a laugh, shrugging it off. “It was just a thought. I think I’m gonna get him a gag gift the first night.. Something that’ll make him blush.. Oooooh.. Hey.. do you feel like going to that adult store in town with me in the morning before we hit the gym?”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Massage oils. And a new neck pillow for flights. He gets the worst tension in his neck I’ve noticed..”

“Flavored massage oils?” Kris taunted, poking her tongue out at me.

I pretended to be shocked and gaped at her. “I.. Never said that… I mean, not exactly...”

“I know how your mind works, A.”  Kris teased me gently and I gulped, blushing a little over how well she managed to call me out just now. “That is an idea to file away for the future… I mean.. If this all doesn’t backfire in my face.” I pulled myself off of the floor that I’d been sitting inappropriately on, and I reached out, grabbing for the heels I’d pretty much abandoned upon entering the building.

“Still think those new stilettos were good for tonight?” Kris was teasing me again and I laughed it off as I debated on whether I actually wanted to put them back on and have my feet screaming at me in sheer agony. 

I quickly decided that no, no I did not feel up to that tonight.

“They made my ass in these jeans look amazing, so yeah. Yeah I do, Kris.” I taunted, making her laugh and shake her head as she remarked, “Opposites attract is definitely true in your case, huh?”

“God, yes.. And speaking of opposites, there he is now..”

I stared like a helpless idiot as Trent walked past with Orange and Chuck flanking him. Chuck managed to look back and catch me staring, holding up two fingers. To anybody else that would’ve been a peace sign. But to me, that was a reminder.

I had two nights until I was face to face with Trent, revealing myself and probably, everything I felt for the guy.

XXX

“You’re actually giving her the present.. Wrapped like that.” Chuck was trying his best to hold in laughter. Almost failing miserably, but he was trying. Trent eyed the box he held in his hand and smirked at Chuck, nodding. “I am, why? What the hell is wrong with my mom’s leftover wrapping paper, huh?”

,, for starters you wrapped it so bad it reads le tits now, but hey.. You do you, buddy.” Chuck could’ve said it, but what Trent was doing was a huge deal. It was something Trent probably should’ve done a while ago, as opposed to just keeping his feelings to himself and going above and beyond to kind of keep his distance from the girl in question unless they had to interact.

Because yeah.. While all the quiet staring and the pining going on was cute as hell between the two, it was getting to a point where the sexual tension was so heavy that literally everyone around them was suffering for it also.

“Tonights night one, man.”

“That it is, Chuck.” Trent took a long and deep breath, almost as if he were centering himself. He waited until no one was looking and made his way into Catering, over to the decorated tree that sat on top of a table in the back already loaded down with presents.

And when he knew the coast was clear, he stuck the box on the nearest pile and quickly, he walked out of catering.

XXX

Everybody was already crowded into Catering when Kris and I made our way into the room and found a seat close to the door. I let the stilettos on my feet hit the floor with a soft thud and tugged my hair free. The blazer I’d been wearing that evening to conduct my two backstage interviews was sitting on the tabletop in front of me, right next to my travel bag.

Britt named herself Santa for the night, so she was calling out names. I was talking quietly to Kris, only half listening for my own to be called.

We were trying to anticipate who we might have gotten. I was trying to resist the urge to tell Kris that Orange had gotten her name. I was more than a little excited for her because just the sheer joy that she had over having managed to get his name was enough to make me truly happy.

I wasn’t terribly worried about who might have gotten my name, because the important thing here was that I’d taken steps to make sure I wound up with Trent’s name. That I was finally doing something I should’ve done months ago.

Britt must have called my name more than a time or two, because I looked up to find Brandi standing over me, trying not to double over laughing as she held out a hastily wrapped gift.

The wrapping paper caught my eye immediately. Whoever wrapped it had chosen wrapping paper that was pretty.. Shiny and sparkly, with silver snowflakes and pale blue lettering. The bow tied on the package somehow did not fit the packaging itself, but honestly, I just couldn’t stop staring at the way Let It Snow was turned into Le TitS now because of the way my Secret Santa had hastily wrapped the box.

I swallowed hard, getting a bit of a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because at this point, I was at least 90 percent sure that the wrapping paper itself was a clue of some sort.

“Le TitS now, huh? Hager, are you the secret santa? Because if you’re behind this, man.. I can personally assure you, you dumb fucking Okie, you are.. Not even on the bottom of the very short list of men I’d willingly show my tits to.” I mumbled aloud.

“Well? Are you at least going to open it?” Kris asked from beside me. Brandi was watching expectantly too and under the pressure, I tore into the gift after neatly removing the way the bow had been tied so pretty and so carefully.

I wanted to keep that.

“Ooh, you’re gonna keep the bow, right?”

“It’s beautiful, Fuck yes.” I answered Kris as I gaped at the black velvet box in my hand. The other hand raised, catching in dark waves and tousling as my mouth opened and closed. “This is.. Okay.. Let me breathe here, I…”

I was at a complete and total loss for words suddenly.

And when I opened the box and spied the silver necklace with a shooting star pendant that I’d probably made 3 trips past a certain jewelry store in the mall in town just to stare at it…

Jake Hager spoke up from behind me.

“If you want, darlin. I can fasten it.”

“Ew, no! Fuck right off, you dumb Okie. Oh and if you’re the one who got me this, thanks but… This is as far as it goes, Hager. You’re not, nor will you ever be… Seeing any tits.”

Jake gave me a blank look and shrugged, wandering off. Kris was trying not to die laughing from beside me, as were Chuck,Trent and Orange from the table across from ours. I turned to Kris and held it out carefully. “Will you put it on? You’re probably the one other person I trust to do it without trying to cop a feel at this rate.”

“Except the guy you wish would cop a feel.” Kris muttered, making me gaze briefly at Trent, watching as he opened the tiffany blue and white wrapped gift box that contained what I’d gotten him. 

When I saw the way his eyes lit up, I let out a ragged breath. Somehow, I got the feeling that he’d enjoy the controller. And the neck massager pillow that he was putting around his neck already, a goofy grin playing at his lips as he sank back against the booth and muttered aloud, “Nobody talk to me. I’m takin a nap.” 

I couldn’t resist saying something.

“It’s.. heated, I think? There’s a little button on the back to turn on the heat. I..”

,, you absolute goof, what the fuck are you doing, A?”  my mind shrieked as soon as the words left my mouth. I covered quickly, the words tumbling out of my mouth almost breathlessly as Trent’s eyes fluttered open and locked on me intently. When he licked his lips while still staring, I had to cross my legs under the table.

“It does, huh? Awesome.” Trent flashed me that cocky grin and I wanted to melt. If I thought forming words was a bit of a struggle before, compared to now, it seemed so much easier.

“Yeah.. I uhh.. I have a pink one.” I finally managed to stammer, going back to my own conversation and gushing over the necklace sitting around my neck out loud and excitedly with Kris.

I mean, it wasn’t a lie. I did have a pink one exactly like it. And a red one. And I’d actually said a lot more than usual to him tonight. Without stammering or saying the wrong thing entirely like I tended to on occasion.

XXX

“Did you see her face light up?” Trent was still on cloud 9 after watching her open the secret Santa gift earlier in the night. Now he was texting his mother to see if the gift he’d gotten her for the last night of the gift exchange had shown up yet.

Chuck spoke up, chuckling. “Was funny as hell when she told Hager he didn’t stand a chance in hell, man. And then when he tried to sneak up on her under that mistletoe that Brandi put up earlier, her threatening him with her shoe.”

Trent chuckled, even though his jaw set firmly and he grumbled. Right after Jake had tried pulling that stunt, he’d gotten the guy off to himself and quickly told him if he caught him attempting it again, he was going to take him outside.

Lucky for Jake, Chuck and Orange managed to get between the two. Because Trent was personally beyond fed up of the disgusting way that Jake behaved around her all the time. She shouldn’t have to threaten the guy with mase or a knee to the nuts to make him leave her alone.

No woman should.

“You know.. You could’ve done it, man. You could’ve snuck up on her.” Chuck teased his best friend as he glanced over at him.

“I’m saving that for tomorrow, Chuck. I have a plan, remember?”

“Says the man who wrapped the gift so that it read ‘le tits now’.” Orange chuckled from the backseat.

Chuck and Orange burst into laughter and Trent grumbled, smiling and laughing as he flipped them both off. “Yeah, well neither of you saw to point it out either.”

“I assumed you could read the damn packaging? My bad, Trenty.”

“I was just too caught up in getting to the arena and giving it to her, man. You know I’ve been waiting to do this a while!” Trent groaned as he let his head fall back against the headrest behind it and laughed.

“Maybe you should just let Sue wrap it this time, huh?”

“That’s not entirely a bad idea.” Trent chuckled as he said it, texting his mom to ask if she’d mind wrapping the present for him when it finally got to her place the next morning.

“She knew it said that too?” he grumbled aloud a few seconds later when his eyes scanned his mother’s response text.

[ mama bear ] I wanted to tell you before you left but you were so excited…

[ mama bear ] Did she like the necklace, son? I thought it was beautiful…

[ trentylocks] She loved it, mom. Was excited, doing that cute thing where she talks loud and giggles a lot, talking with her hands. Just wish me luck for tomorrow, please? I’m gonna need it.

[ trentylocks ] She loved the bow you tied just as much, by the way. ;) She kept it. When I saw her leaving the arena, she had it tied around her wrist.

[ trentylocks] Did you still want me to invite her over for dinner?

[ mama bear] You talk so much about her, of course! I have to meet her. Make sure she’s sweet enough for my baby.

[ mama bear ] I see you, trying to get her brownie points. But I’m glad she liked the bow. Says a lot about her that she kept it.

Trent slipped his phone back into his pocket and started to nod off, awakening when Chuck cleared his throat and asked aloud, “So what did you get her for tomorrow night?”

Trent smirked. “For the actual present, I got her a photo album. Because remember that time we were in the airport and her luggage burst? And the pictures inside it went everywhere?”

“Awww, for a cranky jerk, you can be sweet sometimes, Trenty.”

“Look who’s talkin, bigger cranky jerk. I also got her an actual warm blanket. Because she’s always walking around with that fuzzy pink thin one draped around her like she’s cold as hell. And roses. But I’m not givin’ her those until we’re face to face.”

“You giant sap.” Chuck teased his best friend as he grinned. “If it helps, man.. I don’t think you have to worry about tomorrow night going south. I think things might surprise you with how they turn out.”

“Oh you do, huh? What are you now, a psychic, Taylor?” Trent asked, giving Chuck a raised brow, wondering why he got the feeling that Chuck definitely knew more than he was saying.

“No, I just know how to read that particular girl, Beretta.” Chuck smirked, not even having to look over to know that Trent was giving him a dirty look at the reminder that Chuck had become friends with her first.

XXX

[ dad] Well, how did the secret santa go, sweetpea?

[dad] did this Trent like his present?

I smiled as I read the texts from my dad while standing in line to check into the hotel. After a second or two, I answered.

[sweetpea] He did! I’m glad I took your advice and didn’t try to go overboard. Now it leaves the romantic part for tomorrow night. Thank you, sir!

[sweet pea] remember that necklace I told you I was thinking about getting myself? The one like mama’s? I don’t have to… apparently, my secret santa knew somehow that I liked it and got it for me?

[ sweet pea ] But the way they wrapped the present, oh my god. I nearly died laughing.

[dad] you should call around. Find a restaurant. Your mama.. She liked cozy candlelit dinners. Just a thought.

[ dad] they did, huh? That’s good! Be careful driving to the hotel, sweetpea. The news said snow for your area tonight.

[sweetpea] Night, daddy. Don’t stay up all night watching the news or Blue Bloods. Go to bed, sir.

I put my phone away and at the tap on my shoulder, I turned. I found myself body to body with Jake Hager. I raised a brow and bit my lip, stepping away from him as quickly as possible. “What’s up?”

His eyes settled on the necklace and he chuckled. “Do you really think I’d have bought you that cheap lookin crap if I were the guy, princess?”

I glared and started to turn around, rolling my eyes. But Jake produced roses from behind his back. I eyed the roses and him and laughed as I shook my head no. “Life pro tip, Jacob.. Save the flowers for your actual girlfriend? Stop wasting your time with me. I have an ideal man and you sir, are not it. And you never will be.” 

“Yeah? How about given a guy a chance?”

A throat cleared from behind us and a look around Jake revealed Trent standing there, muscular arms folded over his chest as he smirked at Jake. 

“Do you have a fucking hearing problem, Hager? Or are you really that damn dense? She’s told you a thousand times to get bent by now.” 

Somehow, in the midst of all this, I wound up right between Trent and Jake.. with my back pressed right against Trent’s chest. I gulped and tried like hell to hold myself together, but it just wasn’t working.

“Hey, whoa.. Can we just not, boys? Please?” I knew Jake would ignore me because he always does, so when I asked the question, I chose to turn.. Body to body with Trent.. And lock eyes with him, biting my lip and giving him my best pleading look.

Because holy hell, is it awkward when people make a scene like this.

Trent was glaring, tensing up all over. But at my question, he seemed to un-tense just slightly, tearing his eyes off of Jake to gaze down at me. “Yeah. He’s not fucking worth it anyway.”

“Exactly, Trent.” I muttered quietly, swallowing hard because I was lost in deep brown eyes and I knew it. And I couldn’t pull myself away from him, either. 

The clerk’s throat cleared and gingerly, I managed to finally break gazes with him and stepped back, pouting before I turned to face the front and check into the hotel.

XXX

“You ready for this, man? Tonight is the big night.” 

Trent chuckled, nodding. “It is. My mom came by earlier and dropped this off. Already wrapped.”

“You got the roses right, buddy?”

“Mhm. Over there.” Trent nodded to a dozen long stemmed red roses. Almost the same vibrant red as the lipstick she always wore.

He smoothed a hand over his hair and eyed the stupid jacket he was wearing. “This is a bit much.”

“It kind of is, man. A isn’t.. She’s not into male model types, man. Just dress comfortable.” Chuck shrugged as he chuckled. Trent took off the jacket and tossed it lazily at the second bed in the room and after he grabbed his key, he started out the door.

“I won’t wait up for you, man.”

Trent paused and gave him a laugh and shrug as he stepped out and into the hallway.

On the surface, he seemed calm, but on the inside?

An actual nervous wreck.

He knew she liked the presents she’d unwrapped in Catering earlier in the night, she hadn’t been without the blanket that he’d gotten her to unwrap there for the duration of the show. And as soon as she’d opened the photo album, she got the softest smile on her face, trailing her fingers over the cover.

She’d looked around the room and then gone back to whispering to Kris. But he’d managed to over hear her say that she knew it wasn’t Hager, because Hager had the emotional depth of a teaspoon and never would’ve thought to get her something as thoughtful as an actual photo album as opposed to her just tossing her photos in her luggage every time she went on the road.

Trent took a deep breath and made himself focus as he stood waiting on the elevator, goofy grin on his face.

He was meeting her at the town square because there was this huge christmas tree there and he liked the way her eyes lit up every time she saw it. It felt like time dragged at a hellish and slow pace from the time he was out in the parking lot, waiting on the Uber he’d called, to the time that Uber was pulling to a stop at the little park.

When he got out, he caught sight of her, approaching from the opposite direction. So he hung back, watched her walking past as he worked on getting himself reasonably pulled together and mentally prepared to reveal himself to her.

He let her settle in on the bench closest to the lit up tree and after a few deep breaths, he stepped out, roses in hand, clearing his throat.

XXX

[galaxybae] well? Is anyone there?

[galaxybae] are you sure this dress I borrowed was a good idea for tonight, A? I feel so damn naked right now…

[galaxybae] answer your texts woman.

[brunettebarbiedoll] not yet.. What about on your end? See anybody familiar?

I typed in the response to her first text and briefly, because i felt the sensation of being stared at intently, almost to the point of literal eye-fucking… It had my thighs clenching. It had me sitting up, alert and looking around, then pouting when I didn’t see anyone right away. I wandered over to the lit Christmas tree, a soft smile coming as the warm twinkle of soft white lights shined on me.

I felt good about tonight. Tonight’s secret santa gifts had pretty much blown my fear and theory that Hager was my secret Santa out of the water because Hager lacked the emotional depth and the practicality to pick out the gifts that my secret Santa had chosen for me.

At the thought, I snuggled tighter into my jacket, wishing I’d lugged the oversized plush winter white throw blanket along with me for both warmth and the comfort it made me feel.. As if I were being wrapped in a warm embrace whenever I had it wrapped around me.

And it didn’t go amiss by me that it smelled familiar somehow. Like a cologne I’d smelled somewhere, on more than one occasion.

And that thought further had me giving a soft and sappy smile over the thought of the gift. My fingers drifted upward, lingering at the shooting star charm that hung from the necklace that had been my gift the night before.

And I realized that I still hadn’t answered Kris’ two other texts. I sighed and looked around again, still seeing nobody around and yet, still feeling as if I were being visually fucked somehow.

Not in bad way though. Just… hungry, maybe.

,, it’s just the frenzy you’ve got yourself worked up into.”

I eyed my watch. I hoped my secret Santa showed themselves soon, because I still had to get through revealing myself to Trent.

And boy, was I ever a bundle of raw nerves over it.

[brunettebarbiedoll] Still nobody. I guess my secret Santa is gonna remain a secret? Either way, I’m kind of starting to get really nervous because I still have to wait on Trent to get here and reveal myself.

[galaxybae] Don’t you dare leave!

[galaxybae] Oh.. Oh.. i.. I think my person is here. Gotta go, bye!

I smiled to myself and put the phone away just as I felt my eyes being covered with something and then felt myself being turned around, what felt like flower stems being placed into my hands. I caught a whiff of the same cologne that I’d smelled on the blanket earlier and I swallowed hard. “Hey, no fair. You’re supposed to reveal yourself, sir.” I managed to get the words out as my body brushed against hardened muscle when I was pulled closer. So much closer. And arms wrapped around my waist.

I gaped as the fabric that had been placed over my eyes was lowered and it gave way to me standing body to body with Trent. Who was staring down at me intently, this soft smirk playing at his lips.

“Trent?”

“Mhm.” he chuckled quietly, a hand moving from it’s resting spot across my lower back to drag through thick dark hair. 

I couldn’t help the fit of giggles that came. He eyed me with a brow raised and when my giggle fit finally died away, I explained with a teasing smile, “I was supposed to be meeting you here to reveal myself to you.”

His eyes widened and he chuckled. “Vanilla massage oil, hm?”

“In my defense, you always seem tense?” I bit my lip as I laughed softly. I was melting into him, awestruck at the realization that my forehead hit almost perfectly at the center of his chest. He used his grip on my body to pull me up a little and I wrapped my legs around his waist, making him laugh as our mouths brushed against each other clumsily.

“Was it an offer though, hmm?” Trent questioned, licking his lips as his eyes locked on my mouth.

“Possibly. I mean, I am pretty good at massages...” I teased, daring to trace the outline of his mouth with my tongue. Which only had him tangling a hand in the hair at the back of my hair and pulling my mouth against his completely. 

The kiss broke and we pulled apart. I climbed out of his arms and leaned against him, raising to tiptoe to press another kiss against his lips as I muttered, “Are you hungry, Trent?”

“I could eat, yeah.. Why?”

“Well, there’s this cozy little place about a block away, I.. Kind of thought that maybe if things went okay when I had to meet you here, I’d ask you if you wanted to go with me?”

He grinned and slipped an arm around me, pulling me into his side as we made our way down the sidewalk.

“Did you wrap the first present the way you did intentionally?”

“No, I didn’t actually.” Trent answered, giving a sheepish laugh. “Did you think I did?”

“Well, when I thought was Hager, I didn’t think it was a stretch to imagine that yeah, he’d purposely done it. For the record.. If you wanted to see my tits, all you had to do was ask.” I teased, not stopping to think how suggestive what I said actually sounded until it left my mouth and I saw Trent’s jaw drop, and a flash of hunger flash in his eyes as he leaned down and muttered against the shell of my ear, “Ya know… I might actually take you up on that, doll.”