#in which ve talks

[crtalley]

okay anyway he got reinstated so go follow me @revenancy i'll be curating that space way better than this one >>

[d011zk1ll]

Hey guys I'm supposed to be asleep but I'm still thinking about what @carpetbug said earlier and only thought it fair to expand. (I made feline blue and Mao have that blue stuff so you can see the eye shine shit better)

This was the conversation. If you weren't already aware 😭😭 it's so silly

[carnivalls]

18 & 28 from the ‘weirdly specific’ asks for juve (bc i want to study and observe her) and oreste (bc you haven’t posted about him much but i still desire to Know Facts)

implying juve wouldn't be studying and observing you right back... interesting.

18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

this question is... complicated, for juve. not least because she's so certain she understands feelings like love, while also being completely serrated from her own, while also thinking that her complete understanding of feelings like love is why she's actually so serrated from her own. there are layers happening here and juve is my favorite low empathy onion.

but also, for what it's worth. since she was about fifteen, juve has been wearing her girlfriend (term used questionably here, since they were girlfriends in all but name, but specifics do tend to matter to juve) safini's form and presenting as her to the wider world, attempting to overwrite and 'fix' the existing story in which she killed herself. she's stepped into safi's life and, in her own mind, kept it going past its ending point, trying to help her now in a way safini 'wouldn't let her' while alive. like sure, safi messed up by ruining her story like that so soon, but juve will make it all right now!

and juve can offhandedly tell herself that she's doing this as a favor to safini, or as a fuck you to safini's 'narrow minded' view of her situation, or whatever other dismissive excuse she likes, but the fact also remains that she has spent about three years now preferring to cosplay as her dead girlfriend rather than grieve her. and i don't know if that's love, but i do think that juve's feelings for safi went a little deeper than even (or especially) she cared to admit, and scorn and substitution are... much easier ways of dealing with All That, for her.

oreste is also complicated, but for different reasons– he spent so much of his adolescence trying to gaslight himself into feeling unconditional love for another (survival tactic) (adopted into being his physically volatile quarantined cousin's emotionally incestuous throw pillow) that right now he's actually trying to be weaned off of offering it. instead, he's being made to work on cultivating his sense of individuality, or just Anything Other Than A Fawn Response regarding his interpersonal relations (with juve's very kind, if unasked for, help).

so, if asked this question, oreste would automatically say well, he loves kai– but he'd already be checking to see that kai was in earshot to hear him saying it, and the smile would not entirely reach his eyes. because it's either that or 'get thrown across the room with the force of a star exploding because kai doesn't know how to regulate his emotions (which are reflected into his magic) and his mother has decided keeping him happy and giving him anything he wants (which includes oreste) is more important than teaching him how to handle disappointment in a non destructive manner.' and after a certain point in repeating your lines, and having your head cracked against a wall when you're not convincing enough, well. it's easier to condition yourself into believing that you mean it as well. or the situation becomes just a little too unbearable to live with.

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they really want?

juve tells people what she largely considers the truth– she wants to help them. she wants to make them the best versions of themselves, and she wants to be the one supervising each step of the process. she wants to give them suitable character arcs, and be able to step into their shoes by the time they cross the finish line.

and honestly, it's not too far off from what she really wants, if a little more altruistic and less neurodivergent than reality. fundamentally, juve wants to be in control, and she wants people to make sense. it's hard for her to connect with people as equals because they're not her, and they dont behave as she would, and juve knows this but on some subconscious level she also can't understand it. because people are messy and unpredictable and strange and juve isn't. juve makes sense.

so juve would rather take the people in her life and boil them down to a few choice traits, motivations, flaws– she'd rather force them into summarizable boxes, and flatten them into palatability. and, as a skinshifter who primarily uses her magic to interact with the world around her, juve thus figures she can understand people best by becoming them, and again making them make sense by putting them back on track with satisfying and logical arcs (fun fact: it is this exact mentality that blows up in her face regarding hess, when she miscalculates the best way of getting her to open up) (she also miscalculates how okay people are with being treated as psychological dolls) (play stupid games win stupid prizes).

essentially juve is a neurodivergent author stuck as a character in a story. and unfortunately for her there's no fourth wall break that gets her out of this one, but rather just respect for the narrative confines. smth smth the narrative here is not a narrative but life itself (while also on a meta level being a narrative) (just play with me in this 2:50 am space)

oreste meanwhile hits on a similar but opposite vein to this notion: if asked what he wants, he'll pause, stare like he expects a trap door to open under his feet at any moment, and awkwardly say he wants whatever the other person wants. oreste is someone who has been so beaten into submission that he now struggles to exist outside of caring for others' desires, leaving his own shoved down somewhere far away from where he can reach.

so, what are his own? again, tricky, since oreste is so detached from them– but honestly? i think he just wants a nice life. a very basic, nice life, away from his current gothic nightmare. a wife, maybe. kids, someday. to stop feeling kai's eyes on the back of his neck even after seven years have passed away from him. maybe the attention of kai's aloof but very pretty and funny (dyke) twin sister. just stuff like that.

[namelessdeceased]

🎞 D-55 ✧ tue ✧ 30.7.24

posting super super late. 8 30 pm. i skipped CCA today; had a whole mental breakdown in school and left quick after classes ended. my arms got quite roughed up. came back rotted and took a nap until 7 30 and i just finished eating dinner. i feel horrible might pull an all nighter/half nighter just cause of the guilt

🥐 academic

finalise EOY revision schedule (1h)

create lit thematic concerns mindmap (1.5h)

review MM2 T9 (combined w ↓ = 1.5h)

T2B ex. 10B corrections

find art w/s + pack for tmr (.5h)

🍮 personal

plan out tonight + tomorrow

clean up room/worksheets a little

read chap 1.1 + half of 1.2 of the schrödinger eqn book

🌙 24 30 / 01 30

☀ 05 30

♬ ~ no surprises 〢 radiohead

🤎 positivityposting + bonus(es)

again, big reminder to all of us that its okay to rest for a bit. don't compare yourself. it's okay 🤎

will update.

╰ theo 🚬

[selfshippinglover]

Vent ignore

[footytea]

girl i have a question, do u refuse to answer asks which are about certain footballers? or you do answer for all of them?

the only reason i'd refuse to answer an ask is because it's either very unhinged, too personal or rude. but besides that, if i don't answer a "normal" question it's either because i don't have an answer or i missed it because i get a lot of asks, or i already answered that question too many times and don't wanna become repetitive

but no i don't pick and choose which footballers i want to answer asks about, but obviously there's gonna be players i know nothing about

[dokyeomini]

today we had a bunch of finns as customers and when they were leaving they asked if we could call them 2 large taxis. which was confusing bc they didn't ask for a number or want us to do it from their phone. also it's a café?

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

LOSING MY MIND RN

[nana-glass-chillhop-radio-hour]

Looking for podcast recs from the audio fiction crowd - any podcasts of the caliber of the Silt Verses or Old Gods of Appalachia that are family friendly? Would love something I'd enjoy listening to with a little one that features only minimal body horror. No snare dogs pls. Good for kiddoes age 6-10 let's say.

[crtalley]

work has been leaving me exhausted, cold, in physical pain, and soaked to the bone most nights because i would rather die doing dishes than stay at work until 6 in the fucking morning

i kind of love it. like yeah it's more work than i was doing at my last job but -- it's not even that i enjoy being there, i want to go home every fucking minute past 2am -- it's more like... i feel like the work i'm doing has some kind of fucking value. like i'm doing something that maybe it's not important on the whole, it's a fucking fast food restaurant, but i'm making someone else's life easier. my coworkers matter to me.

also i'm making a shitton more money

[sydmarch]

had a dream about disco elysium 2 and it wasn't very good

[snowfea]

Tomorrow morning I've got my appointment at the pain center let's goooooo

[clownpassing]

um lately i have been feeling so weird because my life w jonathan is great and we have nice things and money is never an issue anymore but then like.. i don't know i still feel hollow and empty and lonely and being with him doesn't really make me as happy as it once did and we are getting into arguments a little more often and i can't help but find myself getting defensive instead of trying to calmly work things out

[jewishcissiekj]

Why did all my Star Wars girlies (Aayla, Aurra & Asajj) have some degree of history of slavery in either their Legends or Canon origin story...

[handcat]

i TRY to look up reference pictures of female characters and one of the first few i get is from an “article” about the actresses weight 🙂

[kindlyfunkn]

ive had idw2 sitting open waiting to be read for a while now i should probably. do that. seens as i want to interact with the tf fandom again i should probably get at least a little caught up. just a little bit