#in which case we'll have a longer chapter

[smearp]

was Dutch's moral code a facade?

Dutch prides himself on his "Robin Hood" way of life; claiming civilisation as evil and robbing those he deems have too much, while also donating some of the stolen money to those in need, at least in the gangs earlier days (proven by Arthur's newspaper scrap next to his bed).

It can also be seen with the gang members - all of the gang members have struggled in one way or another before being saved by Dutch with the promise of a better life.

At the end of the game, Dutch starts to unravel, and his top concerns become revenge, money, and the fear of betrayal, eventually leading to the gang's collapse. And while we do see Dutch again, in RDR1, he is a completely different person - he had become unhinged, with completely different morals and other than John's description of him, there's almost no resemblance to the man he used to claim to be.

To me, that raises a question - whether Dutch's morals were a facade to get people to follow him or did he truly believe in the words he said and his behaviour in RDR1 is the result of the events of RDR2.

Personally, I'd like to believe that Dutch truly believed in his cause, at least in the beginning; we see multiple cases of Dutch being described as a righteous man, and in the earlier chapters, he seems to be trying his best after Blackwater's devastating blow.

However, by the end of the game, he is completely blinded by Micah, his own constant failures, and the promise of an unreachable paradise, to the point where he forgot his own values.

After Arthur dies, Dutch's mind finally clears, and the realisation of what he's done hits him; he realises there's no fixing what happened, not only that but he realises there's no way to actually escape civilisation, and it sends him spiralling, which is exactly what we see in RDR1;

In RDR1, we see the aftermath of it all - a man who had a grand vision taken away from him by the thing he despises most: greed, his own greed nonetheless. He no longer cares for creating a utopia - he takes his anger out on civilisation, without caring if he terrorises innocent, because everything relating to civilisation is tainted in his eyes.

I don't think we'll ever know for sure what truly happened in his mind, but I'd love to hear your theories and opinions!

[pastafossa]

Decided no chapter this week. I’ve been working on it for days now and it’s just... not what it should be. I’ve basically been circling it like those clips of Miyazaki, only with a vape pen instead of a cigarette.

 I can’t figure out what it is, and it’s gone through multiple rounds of editing as I tried to figure it out, but I’m just not happy with it. I’m not sure if I need to chuck it out and start fresh/rework it from the bottom up, or if it just doesn’t end in a satisfactory way, but I’m going to take another week to figure it out. . 

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Pack Chapter 4

Trigger Warnings: smut, swearing, squirting, orgasm, cunnilingus, knotting, vulnerability, crying.

The following morning Y/N woke up to Seungmin bursting into her room with flowers and some pastries to apologise, especially after the earful from Jeongin. Seungmin knew he went too far which was why he woke up early to surprise her, so here he was, sat on her bed, legs in the air with a pouty look. "I don't get it," Y/N stated as she looked at Seungmin, his hair falling in front of his eyes as he watched her "Get what?" Seungmin asked, his head falling onto her legs. "Why are you so mean to Minho?" Y/N asked causing Seungmin to roll in defiance. Everyone knew the two bantered but sometimes their insults were harsh as if there was an underlying meaning. "I'm not. He's mean to me. It's mutual." Seungmin whined, he didn't want to talk about it. "Fine. But try to be less commentating on his sex life." Y/N chided as she squeezed his cheeks, making him roll his eyes. "He's twenty-six, how have you not-ugh." Y/N shoved her fingers in Seungmins mouth causing him to gag. Seungmin shot up, growling, not appreciating the assault in his mouth. "That wasn't nice, little puppy," Seungmin growled, his fangs starting to appear. "That wasn't nice, little puppy." Y/N mimicked as she smacked him with the pillow before getting up. She was sick of his antics. "Right get out. I want to get changed," Y/N ordered as she opened her cupboards, picking out some causal clothes that Jisung and Changbin had bought her when she had first arrived. I really need more everyday clothes. "Uh, puppy. I've eaten your saccharine pussy so I think I might stay." Seungmin teased. "Oh. So in that case, GET THE FUCK OUT!" Y/N started off sweet before she yelled at him, throwing the wolf out.

Sometimes Y/N found Seungmin too playful and his comments a little bit harsh. She didn't mind his naughty remarks when they were flirting but his passive-aggressive behaviour was sometimes a bit much. She also didn't like it when he made digs towards Minho about his virtue. It was something private and there may be many reasons Minho chose to wait, just like Jisung. Even though it was a shock she was Minho's first kiss. It still warmed her heart that she got to be, but she wished she had made it more special for him. He was so stunned when it happened. It was cute. Y/N wanted to see him, but he was already heading out the door and it wasn't even nine in the morning. "Oh, there's breakfast in the kitchen," Minho said as he tied his shoelaces. "Where are you going?" Y/N asked curiously. "My old friends, Eunhyuk and Mark asked to see me today at the covenstead. I should be back, hopefully, no later than three so I can start dinner." Minho stated as he shrugged on his jacket before walking up to her. "When I get back, we'll talk. Alright? I promise it's nothing bad." "Alright, be safe. Don't do anything stupid, that's my job." Y/N teased, making him roll his eyes playfully. Minho placed her hair behind her ear affectionately, keeping his hand on her face a little while longer. Minho edged closer, his face reaching down to hers when Felix and Hyunjin came down to grab their coats. "Where are you going?" Y/N asked. Why is everyone leaving me today? "To the hair salon," Felix stated. "NO. Nuh-uh. Do not even think about it. I'll forbid it. I will make Chan alpha order it. To both of you." Y/N stated as she outstretched her hands, preventing them from leaving. Felix smirked at her and shoved her towards the door, his hands on either side of her head as he looked at her. "Would you not love me if I removed all my hair," Felix whispered, his breath fanning her face. "I like your hair, and Hyunjin's," Y/N said, reaching out to comb his hair with her fingers. "Right, I have to go," Minho stressed as he hated being late to any event or meeting. Y/N bid him goodbye and turned back to the two wolves who were putting their shoes on. Felix gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek while Hyunjin patted her head before they left.

Y/N walked into the corridor looking around. Everyone was out today except Chan who was in his room. It made Y/N feel sad. The house was so quiet today and everyone was busy. She wanted to go with them but Chan wasn't comfortable with her going out until he was better. What do I do today? Shall I clean? I don't like cleaning. Shall I play on Changbin's X-Box? This is fucking boring. Aish, Chan is probably more bored considering he's cooped up in his room all day. Y/N rubbed her face and headed towards Chan who was again staring at the ceiling like a prisoner who was waiting to be let out. He was a deprived alpha who was feeling lonely, so the opening of his bedroom door sent him into excitement. "How's my big baby alpha." Y/N cooed as she crawled over to him. Kissing him gently. Chan craved her in many ways, more so than he had before. He wanted to know about her day, how she was, and what happened last night with Seungmin. He wanted to know how all his wolves were and if they were happy. He was so bored he was even considering ordering a TV in his room. "I hate this. I hate my nest." Chan growled, causing Y/N to kiss him, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. "I can't do this. I can't." Chan growled, his alpha tone coming out. "Do what? Channie tell me what to do." Y/N's voice was soft, wanting to fix the problem. "Baby, I'm frustrated. I'm angry and I hate this. I hate that you are unclaimed." Chan growled, his ruby eyes glaring at the bed sheet that he now tore in frustration.  Sexual frustration.

Every bone in Chan's body drove him mad, the need to claim her. The need to take her. To ruin her. He wanted to pin her to his bed and fuck her until she was tired. He wanted to savour every inch of her body until she shook in pleasure. "Take your clothes off, now," Chan growled as he looked at her, his feral instincts starting to take over. "Uh no," Y/N stated. "What do you mean no? Please." The please came out as a whimper. He felt conflicted, confused. Why did she say no to him? Didn't she want him? "Channie, you're wounded. I'm not doing more damage. We have to wait eight to twelve weeks." Y/N cooed. "Fuck that," Chan growled as he pulled the sheet off of him as he tried to rip his shorts off. "I want your sweet little pussy to claim me, NOW Y/N" Y/N's mouth opened in shock at his demeanour. She hadn't expected him to decide today. "Please, baby. Now. Right now. I need you to claim me. I need my little wolf." Chan whined as he ripped his shorts in anger before looking up at Y/N who stared at him in bewilderment. She was slightly scared, aroused but ready. She was ready for him. She always had been. "Chan. What about your wounds." Y/N whispered, but deep down she didn't care that much. She wanted her alpha. "I don't care." Chan's needy hand grabbed her shirt yanking her forward to kiss her, his wet cold tongue entered hers, demanding her to submit to her.  Y/N's stomach knotted together as she felt her anticipation creeping up on her. Her slick started to form as it prepared to take her alpha. "Baby I want you to sit on my face as I fuck you with my tongue," Chan growled as he looked at her, demanding her. All Y/N could do was nod her head slowly. Her mind was all over the place with desire, love, need. "Hurry up then little wolf, before the wolves come back and hear your pretty moans." Chan taunted, causing Y/N to rush. Her jogging bottoms slid off and were dumped at the side of her bed. Her shirt was too thrown off before she climbed nervously over to him.

Her legs climbed over his shoulders while being aware of the wound on his left shoulder as she sunk down onto his mouth. "Ah." Y/N squealed as she felt his wet tongue fall straight into her pussy. Y/N gripped his hair to push him deeper into her. Y/N started to grind on him as she felt his nose suffocated against her clit. Her grinds were borderline abusive as she assaulted his face aggressively, wanting to force herself to cum quickly so she could sit on his cock "Chan. I'm gonna-" Chan's hand tapped her ass, pushing her even closer to try and edge her. He too was getting impatient. He needed her to coat his cock in her slick whilst he knotted her. The thought made Chan growl in desire, as her slick poured straight into his mouth, nearly choking him. He hadn't expected her to squirt His cock was burning at this point. He wanted to force her straight down onto him but he had to restrain himself and come back to his senses. This would be the first time for her to have sex in a long time and he didn't want to ruin that. He needed her to feel loved during sex and pleasure of course. Not like her last experience. "Are you ready baby?" Chan breathed out as he looked at her pink-stained cheeks. She was far too tired to continue but they both knew and felt the need to be mated. "Yeah. Yeah." Y/N breathed out, trying to calm herself as Chan brushed her hair back to look at her, silently asking if she was ready.

Y/N slowly looked down to see his red thick cock, his girth already covered in pre-cum. Y/N's wide eyes made Chan nervous. He thought her eyes held disappointment but her eyes held concern. He was far too thick to fit in her. "Uh. Chan? It's not going to fit. You're too thick." Chan wanted to laugh and make a remark but didn't, he instead kissed her nose reassuringly. "It will be alright. I promise baby, but we do need to put a condom on as I don't want to risk puppies yet when I have three already." Chan said as he tapped he pointed to his drawer where the condoms were. "You mean Jisung and Seungmin?" Y/N checked in case there was a hidden story about Chan accidentally getting an omega pregnant. "And Changbin. He hasn't grown up yet." Chan joked as he watched Y/N smile. Y/N walked back over to him and carefully ripped the silver packaging off to pull out the latex condom. Chan laughed at her disgusted face as she watched her put the condom on him. "Whenever you're ready baby. I've got you." Chan whispered as he watched her grab his cock pulling it to her entrance. Chan held his breath as he watched his head slowly disappear into her. Y/N hissed and gripped his right shoulder with a glare as felt the burning sensation. "Fuck! I can't. You shouldn't be this big!" Y/N growled as she gripped his jaw, causing Chan to bite the inside of his cheek in worry. He was almost cursing his ancestors for making him so thick. "Baby, if you relax it will fit. It's because you're nervous that your body is making you clench-" "Oh I'm sorry, let me just relax on a fucking trunk. This is demonic. It's not even normal." Y/N growled at the alpha as she started to stress. Chan tried to relieve waves of calmness towards her but he was struggling. He found it too funny. "Don't laugh at me alpha. You should ask the ancestors to shrink this." Y/N complained, causing Chan to glare playfully. Y/N glared at the headboard as she tried to focus on easing the pain but the pressure of his cock, while Chan just threw his head back as he bit his bottom lip. "Fuck!" Y/N growled as she finally sank onto him, causing Chan to groan at the sight.

There she was. Sat on his cock. His omega. The woman he waited for all this time was now buried in her wet pussy. "Baby, baby, baby" Chan chanted, as he rubbed her back, trying to take the pain away. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder as she rocked back and forth, trying to ease the burning pain. Y/N flicked her hips trying to find a rhythm whilst Chan kissed up and down her neck to her shoulder, whispering comforting words. Y/N lifted her head up, baring her throat slightly as she started to bounce causing Chan to grip her waist as he licked her throat before sucking on it, leaving pretty marks down her throat. Chan couldn't believe the sight in front of him as he watched his beautiful little wolf sink down onto him in such a majestic way. Chan lifted his right hand to fondle her breasts as his hand flicked her clit. He could feel himself twitching inside of her as he prepared to release. "Baby, I need to knot," Chan warned, his voice hoarse. "Baby mark me. Please. Need my beautiful sexy little wolf's mark." "I haven't marked anyone before." Y/N breathed out as she looked at him. "Will you mark me? Please, baby. Alpha needs it. Alpha wants. Alpha wants to be owned by you." Chan begged. Y/N saw the vulnerability flash through Chan's eyes. She saw for a brief second his fear of rejection and insecurity. "Yeah. I'll mark you. Only when alpha knots. Mmm, you going to knot for me?" Y/N moaned as she pulled his hair so his neck was presented in front of her. "Yes. Yes. Alpha will knot for you. Going to knot baby." Chan panted as she picked up speed. "Need your mouth on my mark first and then you can knot." Chan nodded at her words and quickly sucked on her mark, binding them properly together. Chan's nails dug into her skin as he tried not to knot there and then at their souls binding together, but he needed to wait. He needed to be good if she was going to mark him. He wasn't going to ruin it, he needed to wait patiently. Y/N thrust his head back and sunk her fangs straight into his throat, piercing the flesh. Chan's legs shook as he knotted harshly, deep into her wet cavern.

Y/N came down from her high and pulled her fangs out with a pop. Y/N looked at her mark on the middle of his throat. A sense of pride filled her as she looked at it. Y/N licked her mark, placing a soft kiss before retracting her head to see tears had fallen from Chan's face as he looked at the ceiling. "Baby?" Y/N whispered but he shook his head and Y/N knew to give him a minute. Y/N had a sense of what he was feeling and hugged him silently. Chan couldn't help the overwhelming feeling that bubbled up as he felt her teeth sink into him. It was pure fucking ecstasy. Everything he struggled with all those years was finally gone. The abuse of his uncle and the weird obsession of having an omega had ceased. Chan finally felt whole. He felt at home. He felt loved. Chan quickly shook his head and wiped his tears as he looked down at his beautiful wolf who held him. "Y/N." Chan called out, "I love you so fucking much." "I know Christopher. I know. I love you so so much." Chan laughed as he brought their lips together when he heard his phone ring. "It's Min." Chan grumbled as he reached for his phone hitting the loudspeaker button. "Chan. I tried to call the home phone several times to tell Y/N that I'd be back late because I'm stuck in traffic. I promised her I would be home for three but I'm being held up. I don't want her to think I've forgotten." Minho fretted. "Ah. Um Y/N was preoccupied." Chan breathed out. "Well I'm glad and I'm really happy for you Hyung, but that was stupid. I bet your stitches have come out." Minho chided, making the two look down to see Chan's entire left leg covered in blood. Y/N gasped and shot off the alpha, running into the bathroom to get a cloth. "Idiot. I'm gonna call Jaehee." Minho stated as he hung up. "You are an idiot. Christopher." Y/N shouted as she wiped his thigh, careful not to touch his wound. "I think you will find it is your fault little wolf. You fucked me." Chan stated, causing the omega to huff. It was her fault, but it was far too late now.

Taglist for the iconic readers

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[hispg]

Between royalty and vows

Pairings: Prince! Leon x Fem! Reader

Summary: A forced marriage, a fate set in stone, nothing could change that.

In the world of royalty, there were no choices, only obligations to fulfill. What you didn't expect was to become engaged to a renowned prince, ready to succeed the lineage.

Until that moment, you still had some hope that everything would work out, maybe it wasn't so bad. But it would be a shame if your future husband had a mistress.

Wouldn't it?

Wc:2.6k

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt/ comfort, cheating, arranged marriage, eventual smut, one-sided love, affairs, (I'll put more once things start to progress).

Prologue | 1 |

An:It took me a little longer to post, sorry! I'm in my week of college exams, the finals are approaching. I'm studying a lot, feeling very tired. Thanks for the sweet messages! I didn't expect to receive so much support! I appreciate it!💕💕💕

Chapter 1: Sunset

As soon as the sun rose, Leon was already awake, it's not as if he'd managed to sleep through the night in any case, he was too anxious for that. That morning you would arrive at the castle, and consequently start living here. It was a big step, certainly, but it was more than necessary, especially as the wedding approached.

He himself couldn't believe that he was getting married in the next few days, it had all happened so quickly that he hadn't even had time to think about it properly. Just like that, his life was turned upside down, a pang in his heart every time he thought about it. Every time he thought that he was being forced to marry a stranger, someone he didn't have a shred of affection for.

All these thoughts disappeared once there was a knock on his door, causing him to push down his sheets and start getting ready for the day.

"Your Highness, your father wants to speak to you." The familiar voice of his butler, Ausdret.

Leon lets out a tired sigh, only muttering a small, "I'll be there."

He knows what his father wants to talk to him about, to reinforce his duty once again, to remind him about the dynasty.

There was no escape, and that was all that was on his mind as he got ready. He took longer than necessary, on purpose, just not to leave his bedroom now.

After he'd finally finished, he went to look in the mirror, just to make sure he was properly dressed and polished, after all it was supposed to be a big day. But his eyes stopped wandering over his face, and hovered on a lipstick mark on the collar of his shirt, enough to bring a small smile to his face, eyes sparkling with the memory of his beloved, his only one.

Knowing he would have to hide it, he took one last look before tucking the collar back into place. Making sure no one else could see.

As soon as he left his room, his butler was waiting for him outside, making several attempts at small talk, which Leon wasn't interested in, though. His mind was far away, as if he had never been here in the first place.

Once he arrived in his father's chamber, he was greeted with a big smile, which was not reciprocated by Leon. Only a small nod came from him.

"So everything's settled?" A small whisper, a question that Leon already knew the answer to.

His father proudly replied, "Yes, I've already arranged everything with Vladimir. You and she are getting married in the next few days." His father speaks, looking at the other man in the room, Duke Vladimir, his father's best friend.

However, Leon didn't seem at all excited about the situation, in fact, he seemed rather upset.

"This will be great, we'll finally be able to expand our business." This sentence came from Leon's father, who was more than happy with the pact.

It was a long-standing interest of the king, of course, who wouldn't want to expand their business with one of the richest royal families?

But on the other hand, Leon had other plans. Plans that were not accepted by his father.

"Cheer up, the girl is a beautiful princess, very kind from what I've seen. I'm sure you'll get on well." Vladimir says, trying to console Leon, but frankly, it only seems to have gotten worse.

"How long do we have to stay in this marriage?" Perhaps he was still hoping it would only be for a short time.

"Indefinitely. They will be the source of our success, especially the princess. We need to collaborate with them, just as they collaborate with us." The king says, somewhat obviously, that he won't be breaking the contract any time soon.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll talk to the other servants. We need to organize the wedding invitations." Vladimir says as he leaves, just after bowing to the two members of royalty in the room.

Silence followed, Leon too upset with his father to speak a single word, while the king was daydreaming.

An ambitious king who would slowly make his reign the most prosperous in history, he couldn't ask for more. This would make everything perfect for Leon to take the throne and make the nation of Italy even prouder.

"I don't know how far your greed will go." A plausible complaint coming from Leon, directly confronting his father.

"I only want what's best for you and, consequently, for my nation." They both knew where this conversation was going, but since they were both hard-headed, they would continue anyway.

"What's best for me? You've arranged a marriage with a stranger and you think that's what's best for me?" By now, Leon's voice had changed considerably.

King Leonardo didn't like arguing, least of all with his own son. However, he would never tolerate his disobedience, never.

"And what would be better for you? Marry a paltry lady? Honestly, you need to think bigger." And the king hit the nail on the head, because that's exactly what Leon was getting at.

Ashley did come from an affluent family, but she wasn't as rich as the British family. Which in this case was yours.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that." Leon was once again affronting his father, which would certainly have serious consequences.

"Listen, if you want to continue your affair with this so-called Ashley, go ahead, I won't stop you. Now don't expect me to let you ruin your own future, too."

The two of them looked at each other not very kindly, especially Leon.

It seemed like he was being generous. What's the point? Living a life on the sly with the woman he loved? It didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair.

"You still have a lot to learn, my son." The king spoke with a certain heavy heart, and at the same time a jaw-dropping arrogance.

But how could Leon calm down? He didn't even know the woman he was going to marry and, even worse, he couldn't commit to the person he loved, Ashley.

But what irritated him even more was the fact that he knew it was all his father's whim.

But even this marriage wouldn't stop the prince from having a relationship with this woman, even if it meant an extramarital affair. And Leon didn't care if that had consequences, not even for his future wife.

"All I ask is that you don't complicate things. I'm still being kind enough to allow you to have these affairs, whether with Ashley or any other woman." That would even sound gentle if he wasn't talking about extramarital affairs.

"... Alright, Father." Once again, Leon swallowed his pride and let it happen. But then again, it's not as if he could do anything against his father's wishes.

Leon stormed out of his father's chamber, strong, heavy footsteps echoing down the so far empty corridor, and he didn't even look back. His mind was in the purest of shambles, fists clenched and an expression that wasn't the friendliest.

As he walked quickly through the corridors, he couldn't help but notice the commotion outside, expensive carriages arriving in the castle courtyard, making room for butlers to work and remove whatever was inside.

He imagined it was the arrangements for the marriage, since it would take place in the next few weeks. So it wasn't anything that caught his attention for long.

However, as soon as he looked up from the mezzanine, he saw the familiar figure, it was you. Wearing a simple blue dress, delicate gloves that covered up to your forearms, and of course, he couldn't forget your soft features.

As soon as you saw him from the hall, you gave him a discreet smile, making him let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. Even for a brief second, his expression softened, but that didn't make him any less upset by the whole situation.

Queen Sarah spoke to you politely, saying how grateful she was for the courteous company of the princess, who was in fact being awaited by the other residents of the castle, at least most of them.

In fact, the queen felt lonely, since apart from the governesses, she had no other female companion to talk to during the day.

Slowly, Leon descended the grand staircase, stepping onto the red carpet, his steps light and slow, as if he were analyzing what he would do next.

Your eyes met his, and you smiled gently, bowing to him as you should. And he reciprocated, of course.

"Princess." He said, giving a nod to his mother, who politely curtsied to you.

"I'll get your bedroom ready." She says, her voice sweet and calm, as she moves gracefully through the castle.

You felt a shiver run up your spine at the thought that you were about to share a room with him. Since you weren't married yet, you were just going to sleep next to each other, a door that could be opened to connect one room to the other, since couples who hadn't made a commitment weren't supposed to sleep together until they were married.

"You have a beautiful home, prince." You murmur, the sweet smile always on your lips.

He chuckles a little, offering you his arm to hold, "Let me introduce you to the castle itself."

You smile, taking his arm and letting him lead you, obviously he was only doing it out of politeness, but you'd love to spend a little more time with him.

When your covered fingers curled around his arm, you couldn't help but feel the muscles that flexed with every slight movement, without any effort. Just as you couldn't help but notice his eyes every time he looked at you and explained something, the way his voice echoed through the empty corridors.

You walked side by side, your footsteps echoing through the unoccupied hallways, giving off a calm and intimate atmosphere somehow. You noticed the paintings, the properly placed decorations.

Even the curtains matched the carpets, as much as you were used to this sort of thing, it was still breathtaking to see such a sophisticated place.

You felt that despite your enchantment with the prince, you could see his lack of enthusiasm for you, you could see that it sounded more like a duty than anything else.

What did you expect? That it would be a fairy tale? In this life you were leading, the heart didn't always follow the rules of fairy tales.

"Let me take you to the courtyard, it's a nice day." You notice the sigh at the end of the sentence, as well as the distance he kept.

Even with all his explanations, all the talk about royal life, homework, the explanations for every painting in the corridor, you didn't pay much attention. Your attention was focused completely on him, perhaps because you were hoping for a hint of feeling, whatever that was.

Too bad you wouldn't find it even if you looked hard enough.

As soon as you left the large building, you were presented with a landscape that looked more like a hand-painted picture.

The courtyard was perfect, full of roses and other types of flowers, a wooded area, the grass all at the same length, without a single flaw. Meticulously cut bushes, flowers that adorned the greenery and gave it extra life, it seemed magical.

The afternoon sun shone down on the whole place, bringing everything to life. The birds humming and bathing in the water fountain, nature stretching as far as the eye could see.

"I hope you are pleased, princess." Leon says, his calm, velvety voice immediately making you look at him.

"Certainly, it's very well appreciated." With a sweet, polite smile you answered him, approaching the fountain and sitting down on one of the edges.

And he repeated the gesture, sitting down next to you.

Just as you were about to engage him in conversation, a strong wind whipped against you, causing your hair to tangle, the softly combed strands to fall into your face, undoing a good few minutes' work in an instant.

Then you felt a warm, robust hand on your cheek, brushing the strands behind your ear.

A gesture that was intimate, no doubt about it, and that was able to make you blush slightly as soon as you felt his hand graze your cheek, but which he pulled away.

"Thank you." You say with a gentle, shy smile, tidying up a few more of the strands that were still getting messy.

Despite his smile, you could see the piercing blue gaze, without much emotion. His gaze, which seemed to be as cold as ice, was still so attractive.

"My pleasure, princess." The warm tone didn't change his placid expression, not even if he tried very hard.

As the two of you stood in silence, all you could hear was the gentle breeze and the birds singing, everything seemed so peaceful.

Except for the restlessness of your heart, which stubbornly pounded every time he looked at you. And you mentally plagued yourself every time this happened.

Why was he doing that? Out of courtesy? Politeness? Decorum? Or were you thinking too much? Creating too many expectations?

And so you remained, gazing at the horizon and watching the sun slowly set, watching the magic of nature while your minds were in a whirl.

Your hand on the edge of the fountain, as well as his, fingers almost grazing each other, and you were tempted to make a move.

However, it would have been inappropriate for a lady, to say the least. Especially knowing that the chances of him taking your hand away were high.

So you'd better make the most of what you had.

As the garden began to darken a little and the sunlight slowly faded, Leon stood and looked around, seeing that it was already getting dark.

You've spent the whole day walking around the castle, so time has passed too quickly. At least for you.

"We should go, dinner should be ready by now." He was the first to break the silence, once again offering his arm and his company to take you to the dining area.

And there you went again, walking slowly through the courtyard back into the castle.

However, halfway there Leon stopped, picking up a red rose that had fallen to the ground. As soon as he knelt down to pick it up, he turned to you and planted a soft kiss on the back of your hand, his warm lips brushing against your gloved hand. It sent shivers through your body.

"Red looks good on you." He murmurs, placing the flower in your hair, very gently so as not to mess it up.

You made a little chuckle, the blush clear on your cheeks. Was he doing it out of politeness? Or just to keep up appearances?

It would have been a beautiful, subtle, gentle and even romantic gesture. That's if you hadn't noticed the lipstick staining the collar of his shirt.

Oh oh, poor you.

[dariaslookalike]

Building Houses and Burning Bridges Pt 11: Teasing and tit Jobs

Summary:

It seems, oddly enough, that Gregory House lives to annoy you. He takes 'arseholish boss' to the next level. Wake up in the morning, ready to have breakfast, and drive to the hospital where you both work? Nope, you're getting a text that says you're late to his impromptu 4:30 AM meeting where he's had the 'breakthrough of the century' on the team's latest case. Get your hair cut and walk into work, for once feeling confident? Nope, he's saying that he would have done a better job blinded, hands tied and going through Vicodin withdrawals. Finally, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, prove him wrong and attempt to wipe the cockiness off his face? Nope, you're simply slow because you didn't get to your diagnosis quicker and weak-willed because you didn't fight him for it in the beginning. Everything House does infuriates you, and it seems everything you do infuriates him. No wonder you end up pinned to the wall of your apartment and groping him like your life depends on. And knowing House, it very may well.

Warnings: Adult language, mature themes, eventual smut, female protagonist, no reference of y/n

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Current Status: Ongoing

A/N: An update! Lol, this fic has been rotting in my google docs for too long. so i'm procrastinating my uni assignments due tomorrow, and i'm updating here. hope to get chapter 13 out by the end of may but we'll see how that goes lmao

Masterlist: Building Houses and Burning Bridges

Next Chapter: Pt 12

Word Count: 4.2k

-----------------------

You’re off the medication, finally. 

That’s what your rational brain should have thought when you woke up, and no longer saw the white pills on the bedside table. No more gulping them down, no more harsh cough or aches. You were better.

You’re not thinking that however.

You’re staring at House while he’s sleeping; which is odd, you can admit. Maybe creepy. You don’t admonish yourself, however. How could you? He’s entrancing. You wish you had some paper here, hell, even a napkin or tissue, so you could scrawl and sketch, to have something tangible to look at later. 

You feel your heart twist at the notion. You might not wake up next to him again or ever; He might decide that just sex was horrible with you, and he never wants you in his bed again. Or he might have seen the way you looked at him last night, when you were rubbing his leg and easing his pain, and decided it was too much, too soon- decided that he was right at the start, and that there was no way you could ever stop your feelings for him from interfering with just sex .

Was he right? You knew that things had shifted in your heart after sleeping with him. Before, you could sidestep around the topic and push off any feelings as a simple whimsical thought, a school girl’s fantasy, and nothing more. Now, you want to kiss his lips and bite the apple of his cheek and suck his neck and tell him he’s yours and no one else's. Too much, too soon. You couldn’t do that, couldn’t tell him that- because House wasn’t yours. Sure, he seems intent on having more fun with you. But that was it. Just sex . He would never share the way you wanted him, he would never look at you with much else besides lust. 

But you don’t have paper, or a napkin, or a tissue. So you lay there, and as you stare at him, in the back of your mind you think this will do. If I can’t have him the way I want him, this will do.  

He looks at ease, for once. You know his leg is still bad and that even in his sleep, he’s probably scheming. But there’s no analysing gaze. He’s not staring down at some patient with mistrust and he’s not rolling his eyes at you and he’s not snapping at one of the ducklings. The notch in his brow isn’t so prominent and his mouth is open slightly as he breathes deeply. He’s relaxed, beside you. This will do.

His alarm goes off and you clench your eyes shut. 

You hear him shift, fumbling to hit the clock and finally flicking the right button to silence it’s blaring noise. He lays back against the mattress and settles with a sigh. You listen to him breathe and the overwhelming stillness of the room.

“How long have you been awake and watching, newbie?”

You flick open one eye, and he has his arms tucked behind his head as he gazes up to the ceiling. “How’d you know?”

“I felt psychically attacked by you- or should I say ravaged?” He looks at you from the corner of his eye. “Also you snore when you’re sleeping.”

“I do not!”

He smiles at the ceiling. “Yes, you do. You sleep talk too.”

“No! You’re lying.” You swing out an arm, landing a light blow on his chest. He recoils from it with exaggeration and twists himself to face you.

“If it’s any consolation, you only say random things when you’re sleep talking. Like ‘House just like thaaaaa’.” He trails off into a high pitched moan.

You scoff, but bury your flaming face in your hands. You peek out, briefly. “Are you serious?”

He smirks. “Yep. You’re all over me, even in your sleep.” He reaches out a hand, brushing a strand of hair from your face. His hand rests on the side of your face, and his thumb smooths over your cheek. “But don’t worry. I’ll only tell Wilson.”

You laugh, but move swiftly and twist yourself to lean on your forearms and knees. House’s eyes flick between the dangling neckline of his shirt that you’re wearing, where your cleavage is showing, and your arse that you stick in the air. 

“You’re not gonna tell Wilson anything.”

“Oh, yeah?” House cocks an eyebrow, flopping onto his back once more. He smirks at you. “What makes you so certain I haven’t already told him everything?”

“Because you were the one who had to stop a blowjob so you wouldn’t be a one pump chump. You can’t act like you didn’t want it just as much as me.”

He tilts his head, and tuts. “Yeah, I can. Last I checked, you were the one screaming- the one who lost the bet.” His smile drips with an overly sweet honey. “You still need to pay up, by the way. I take cash or checks.” 

You sit back and his cool eyes track your movements as you sit on your heels. “I want a rematch.”

“Not a chance. I won, fair and square.”

“You won because you didn’t let me suck you off like I wanted.” You say bluntly. “You won because you were able to hulk out and keep me under you.” 

His eyes darken at your words, but his lips still tilt up. “I’m a cripple and you’re playing the “you overpowered me” card?”

“No, I’m playing the “you had to top otherwise you would have been a goner” card.”

“Still not happening.”

“Double or nothing.” You clench your jaw. “But this time, I’m in control and you can sit there, and look pretty.”

House bats his eyelashes. “You know I’m the best at that. But trust me, you could tie me up and you’d still be the first one begging.”

You smirk, shifting on your knees slightly. “You wanna bet? Yesterday was a fluke on my part- I’ve been cooped up in here for weeks. It was cabin-fever induced touch deprivation.”

He scoffs, sitting up and crossing his arms with a level of self-absorbed-assurance you couldn’t master. But there’s a glint in his eyes. He knows what you’re getting at, but he’s letting himself play right into your hand. 

“Tie me up. You won’t win.” He moves, leaning up to whisper in your ear. 

You laugh, placing your hand on his shoulder and shoving him back against the bedding. “Let me find your belt first and you won’t be so sure.”

You scooch past him and his hand snakes out, pinching your arse as you stand up from the bed. You shoot him a withering look and he just grins. 

When you return, he cocks his head slightly. “I didn’t think you were serious about the belt. Gonna whip me too?”

You give him a pout dripping with fake sympathy. “Only if you beg.”

You scan the bed with a disapproving eye and he tracks your gaze to the solid headboard. “I can’t really tie you to that. So turn around.”

His eyes flick down you. “Just because we’ve committed the most unholy of sins together doesn’t mean you’re my boss now. Don’t go on a power trip.”

“Ohh, you’re so right, House.” His lips tilt up even though it’s obvious you’re mocking him. You lean forward, ghosting your lips against his in a smile. “Now be good for me, please, and turn over.”

You see him swallow, but he laughs you off and gives in, twisting around. You shuffle closer to him on the bed, and move his hands softly behind him. You loop the belt in on itself and place it around his wrists before tightening it. He hisses slightly when the edge digs into his skin, and you press your palm into his shoulder, spinning him back around.

He sits with his back up to the headboard, arms twisted behind himself. House glowers at you from beneath his brow. “I didn’t think you were serious .”

He stretches his legs out in front of him, and you see him already twitching in his boxers. You smirk. “You just don’t want to admit how much you like it.” 

His jaw clenches. 

“But,” you say, your voice dropping in tone. “If you don’t want this, at any point, tell me. No hard feelings.” You cross your fingers over your heart in a promise.

“I’ve known since I saw you that it would end with one of us tied up.” He tilts his head, raising his eyebrows up in an obvious fashion. “Next time, it’s your turn.”

Sitting beside his thigh, you pat it with mocking comfort. “Sure thing.”

He scowls at you but it’s quickly replaced by a sharp inhale when your hands reach out, pulling down his boxers. He’s half hard and you spit on your hands the same way you did last time. The action makes him tense. You reach out ghosting wet fingers across him and House hisses beside you. His attention is torn between your hands and your face. Eventually, you feel him decide to glare at you, and you look at him, a sweet saccharine smile in place. 

“You doing alright, House?”

“Not exactly. Feels like you’re trying to tickle my dick.”

You laugh, and the mask of power slips for a moment when you tuck your chin to your chest in a giggle. You look back at him coyly, and his jaw ticks. “‘M sorry. I don’t have to touch you there.”

House opens his mouth to protest when your hand abandons him, but the words are lost when you siddle in close to him and let your fingers dance across his chest. You lean in closer, face next to his and your lips ghost across his cheek. He says nothing, no cocky retorts or snarky remarks to be heard. You kiss his cheek, and trail down to his jaw, your hand making smooth shapes across the plane of his chest, his shoulder, his neck. You tug his shirt up and it stays wrangled up, showing the smattering of hair leading down his lower belly. You plant kiss after kiss on everywhere you can reach, soft and gentle. 

You find a spot on his neck and bite it softly before you continue across the smooth column of his throat, leaving wet kisses and marks wherever you can touch. Your other hand sneaks up behind him, entangling itself in his hair. You scratch against his scalp as you bite down on the junction between his neck and shoulder. He’s breathing heavily above you, and you finally abandon your own resistance, and lean closer, skating your lips across his. He leans into the kiss awkwardly, unable to support himself with his hands tied behind him, but he still pushes forward to you. You push him back, chasing after his lips and deepening the kiss. It’s intoxicating and feverish and your hand reaches down, this time firmly grasping his cock. He’s not half hard anymore, instead pulsing against your palm with heat. He gasps into your mouth and you smile against him.

You pull back, setting yourself beside him again. 

You pump him with your hand firmly, and he groans, hips bucking softly into your hand. You pull back, and he shoots you a confused look. 

You just smirk, staying silent. You pump him again, and pull back once more when he moves. He catches on quickly, hissing. “That is not fair.”

“Says who?” You tilt your head at him. 

“Me.” He scoffs, indignantly. 

“I don’t listen to crazy, tied up men.” You say, pouting sadly.

“Untie me then. I’ll prove I’m not crazy.”

“Nice try, House.”

You pump him again, and like the quick learner he is, he just grits his teeth and stays still. 

“Good job, baby.” You say sweetly, pressing a kiss to his neck. You stroke him again, this time tightening your grip each time you reach his head. You kiss at his neck, pumping him up and down, loosely and then firm in your fist. 

He swears beneath his breath softly. Not admitting defeat, but he’s getting there. 

You spit down onto your palm, swiping your thumb over his head. You pump him again, and again, your other hand reaching down to softly cup and squeeze his balls. 

He rolls his head back, leaning against the headboard with shut eyes. “Fuck, Newbie. The brothel teach you that trick?”

You hand tightens to the point of just-uncomfortable around his cock, and his eyes snap open as he groans. You snicker. 

“I’ve had a lot of free time- you’ve got so many pornos in your apartment.”

His eyes snap to yours, and even though he knows that he doesn’t own one porno that could have taught you any of this, his eyes get glossy with the thought. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah.” You pump him in your hand, faster, quickening the speed. “You’d be gone for so long and I got so bored.”

He can’t even respond to you, and you let out a breathy, just for show, moan, face scrunching as you keep talking in a breathy tone. You pump him, bouncing on your calves slightly with the movement. “Had to fuck myself in your bed while you were gone. Did it when you were in the lounge room, sleeping on the couch.”

He’s enraptured, mouth open slightly and blue eyes pinned to yours as you continue. “Wasn’t enough. Just kept thinking I should go and wake you up and beg you to help me.”

His throat bobs. “You should have.”

You lean closer, running your mouth along his jaw. He just tilts his head back, giving you better access. “I will be.”

You pump him faster, the sound of his cock fucking into your hand obscene and filling the room. 

“Fuck.” He says, voice breathy. “I’m close.”

“Just gotta beg for, House. C’mon, you can use your words.” You mumble against his skin. “I’ll swallow it all.”

Maybe a small part thought that would break his resolve, but he shakes his head and you grin against him.

“No.”

You lean back, smirking at him. “Then you don’t get to cum.”

He glares at you, his nostrils flaring, but he says nothing, fine to be blue balled if it means you don’t win so quickly.

He expects you to stop your movement but you don’t. You keep pumping him, faster, harder, smiling softly at him. 

“W-what are you doing?” He asks, voice shaky, his hips stuttering into your hand- you won’t punish him for that right now. 

“Nothing.” You look at him innocently. “Just don’t cum.”

“Well, sweetheart.” He spits, still managing to sound like he has the power here. “I don’t have the willpower of a buddhist monk, if you keep jerking me off like this I’m going to cum.”

“I know.” You smile sweetly, pumping his cock up and down with your fist. 

He glances to your face, confused at what you’re playing at. He won’t understand until it’s too late, and so his gaze rips back down to where your hand is wrapped around him. 

“I’m-” He stutters. “Fuck, I’m going to-”

He can’t finish his sentence, as you keep jerking him at a brutal pace, his head lolling back. He groans, throbbing in your palm. 

You wretch your hand back at the last second and watch with a grin as his dick falls against his stomach, his cum splattering against his bare stomach. His voice is wrecked as he calls out, swearing. His breath is heavy, shuddering up and down. 

His dick is still hard and red, and his eyes fling open, glaring at you as you smile back at him.

“What the fuck did you just do , Newbie?”

You cross your finger over your heart. “A magician never tells her secrets.”

He opens his mouth to protest or cuss you out, but falls silent when you reach out and wrap your hand around his still hard cock once more. 

“Fuck! Fuck that’s so- fuck.” He groans, shaking his head. He lets out a wrecked sound from the back of his throat as you smear his cock in his own cum, using it to stroke him up and down once more. 

He’s oversensitive, but ruined. You look at him, jutting out your bottom lip. “You alright House? D’you want me to jerk you off again?”

He shakes his head and your movements instantly still, but then he nods. “No, yes. Fuck, that just feels so much more .”

Your hands resume their gentle movement as you grin wickedly. “That’s the point.”

 You pause, moving to nudge his legs apart and you resettle, kneeling between them. He sighs, relieved when your hand falls from his cock, giving him some reprieve. Instead, you spread your own legs, hand tracing down your soft stomach circle at that spot between your legs. You’re so wet, and you use the slick to run messy circles over your clit. You moan, your other hand falling to his non-injured leg for support. Your fingers dig into the skin as the pressure builds up in your core. He says nothing, and your eyes flick up to his, moaning out his name as you start to shudder. When you make yourself unravel in front of him, he doesn't say anything, but his cock bobs, neglected weeping at the head. 

You use your free hand to tug your shirt up, over your head. You spit into your messy palm, and reach up smearing both yourself and him against your breasts. 

“C’mon. Untie me.” 

Your eyes flick up to his, which are glued to your chest. “Beg.”

“No.”

“Then no.”

You shuffle backwards on the bed, and pat the mattress in front of you. “Move it, House.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m a tied up cripple. Did you think that one through?”

You shoot him a look, and he sighs but shuffles closer until he finally lays flat against the mattress, head still propped up by the pile of pillows. You settle between his spread legs, placing a kiss to his thigh. “See? Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He scowls. “I got rope burn from my own belt.”

“Aw, you poor thing.” You look up at him, doe-eyed. “I’ll make it better.”

Your hand dips down to the apex of your thighs and once more you smear your slick against your chest. You spit into your hand too, and massage your breasts, squeezing them. 

You lean down, until you’re positioned perfectly over his cock. It bobs at your attention, and you look up, grinning at House. He still scowls at you, but there’s an excited glint in his eyes.

You nudge his cock between your breast, and move yourself, back and forward. You have to find a good rhythm first, but soon you’re guiding your slick breasts up and down his cock. 

“Shit. Fuck, Newbie.” He gasps, and you bat your lashes up at him, quickening your speed. Soft, wet slapping fills the room and you moan quietly.

He groans, cock still overstimulated. You just let drool pool onto your breasts, squeezing them tighter as give him a tit job. 

You hear him shuffle against the sheets and you look up once more, still guiding his cock in and out. 

He looks like he could murder you, but sucks in a sharp breath. “Please, let me cum.”

You tsk. “You call that begging?”

He groans as you keep fucking him, his own weeping pre-cum making it messier. 

“Please, Newbie.” He growls, voice drawing out into a groan. “Please, fuck, make me cum.”

“You lose.” You say softly. 

He nods, desperate, cheeks flushed, stomach tensing. He’s close, wrecked after his ruined orgasm. He needs this. 

You take pity on him, and still your movements. He whips his head up to look at you, aghast, but he curses when you quickly straddle him, nudging his cock closer to your centre, and sink down on him. 

You sigh as he bottoms out, while he groans loudly. He’s big, but with how wet and ready you are, you take him easier this time. He stills nudges up against your cervix, and you feel so full when you sit fully down on him. You don’t have it in you to play him any further, and instead begin bouncing yourself on him. It’s not harsh, but his moans have a desperation in them that coil that feeling in your stomach once more. 

“F-fuck.” He gasps, cursing when you angle him deeper. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Or vicodin.” You say, teasing.

He shakes his head, face scrunched up in pleasure. “You. It’s going to be you.”

“Yeah?” You breathe shakily atop him.

“Yeah.” He moans. “You feel so fucking good. Fuck, you’re such a good girl for me.”

You lean down, pressing your chest to his, kissing his neck softly. “Mmhmm. Just for you, House.”

“Just for me.” He growls, beneath you. At this angle, his cock nudges against that spongey spot inside you. Not having to ask for permission or be the one to beg, you hold that angle, fucking yourself on him, making his cock hit that spot again and again. 

He holds out well, but when you whine against his neck, and your orgasm rolls over you, clenching you against his cock, he lets out a loud groan. He bucks his hips into yours, and you sit back against him as he keeps cumming. He groans, and you feel his cock pulsing in you, throbbing against your walls. 

When he finally stops, he lets out a heavy breath, his chest falling and rising rapidly. 

“Fuck.” He says. 

“Fuck.” You agree, chuckling.

You swing your legs off him, his cum dripping out of you. You don’t care about ruining his sheets, and instead help him sit up, untieing him.

Even with his spend dripping out of you, and your slick smeared against his crotch, when his arms are untied he wraps them around your waist and pulls you closer, drawing you into a deep kiss. 

You smile against him. “Glad you’re not a sore loser.”

“‘M so glad you are.” He teases, lips tugging up.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

on "voyage of the outcast"; a psychological analysis with a look into identity, feelings of inferiority, and the glorification of self-sacrifice.

LONG OVERDUE, THIS TOOK FOREVER ?? mentally im not over his story branch and i think about it OFTEN and i have a LOT OF THOUGHTS.......... this'll actually focus less on the story branch (and the potential parallels) itself, but more on what, personally, i think could be the implications!!! 🥰

warnings :: spoilers, +this is quite long! 😭

i'll preface this by saying that . confession time!!!!!! i didn't expect a lot out of this because mostly because i was initially pretty worried about how they would connect the last time we saw xavier (at philo) with the current point in the story, especially given that we ended on a point of a cliffhanger and xavier's and mc's relationship had not developed anywhere near close at that point. but i'm actually pretty impressed with how the writers handled xavier's branch... and i'm more than grateful that infold didn't fuck it up as much as i thought they would 😭

with that said...

HOLY SHIT DID THEY GO HAM WITH THIS 😭😭

and parallels and references aside, i really am quite happy that they perpetuated something i've been waiting to look into more in-depth for a while—because i feel that in these chapters, we get to see a lot of how xavier's upbringing has really shaped the way that he carries himself. sure, we've already seen it quite a bit in his limited cards, but seeing it in the main story hits more, especially when... there hasn't necessarily been a deep level of relationship development between the two yet.

which, the branch may reference his lightseeker myths and the anecdote "when shooting stars fall" a lot, but i'm glad that this gives the same desired effect even if you didn't get a lot of his cards (especially limited ones). because thankfully it's at least made pretty clear that xavier and mc haven't had the chance to develop their relationship very much past what we know in the main story itself. they're not in a relationship at this point, which, according to the cards, seems to really only get to that point after "21 days"...

so this brings us back to the xavier that we're more familiar with from before that card. the xavier who's still figuring out how to accept the parts of himself that had become a lot more fragmented throughout the years. the xavier who doesn't know how to do it yet, but the xavier who's still trying.

i know i did go into his upbringing and whatnot in some form of detail in my lumiere analysis (here, in case you maybe want to go through that too <3), but i'll expand on that a little bit here!! so how this will go, as much as i can keep it within the outline, is something like background + personality -> relationship. overall, we'll look into how each has influence over the other, and how that ties in to what we see in "voyage of the outcast"!!

++ a lot of these may be a little complex, but with the best of my abilities i'll try to break it down so its easily digestible !!!!!!! but, like... i'll disclaimer here again with this being my own personal speculation, from my understanding of his character hehe <3 so take it with a grain of salt? maybe? whdjsjfhhs

i. background and personality notes.

long-established is the fact that xavier has been depicted as royalty. at his core, he's the prince of philos—heir to the throne, someone who is to lead philos and its people when the current king no longer can.

...but he's also not been very happy about it. he'd distance himself from his family, and his duties, as much as he's able to...

and again, what does mc see when they first meet?

—"they say he doesn't live on campus because his family background is complicated, and many people have seen him surrounded by bodyguards."

—"they aren't clad in all black as one would expect, and they keep a respectable distance away from xavier. still, these people exude an air of oppression. xavier, with his bag, is at the center of their group. it seems he's used to being stared at. the only difference is that rather than being his usual expressionless self, he appears slightly upset."

—"'you appeared to be upset, so i thought you wanted to be free.'"

—"'i wish xavier is free to do what he wants.'"

she says all these things because even she recognizes him to be trapped. this is the mc that doesn't know him, isn't close to him yet at this point—but this is what she observes.

and this is the core of what we'll be looking at this time which i would section off into: (a) the nature of a prince, (b) constraint and psychological resistance, (c) incongruence of identity, and (d) feelings of inferiority. all of that, then, will tie into their relationship as a whole !

because if in the lumiere analysis we zeroed in on how this feeling of being "trapped" affected his identity—which, arguably though, is a big point so we'll get back to it nonetheless under section (c)—this time we're going to try to look into why these issues with his identity mean so much.

i. - (a) ; the nature of a prince.

something i do wish we had (or may get) more insight into is what exactly his life was like in philos x.x largely what we know of can only be inferred, because the story is being told through mc's point of view, and technically mc doesn't get too deep into the kind of lifestyle each of the LI's have.

with that being said... xavier, in his lightseeker myths and the 'when shooting stars fall' anecdote, still does encapsulate typical princely duties. there's the formality of royalty, the responsibility that comes with a higher status... a prince is high-ranking, a prince is a noble, a prince is royalty. there's a certain sovereignty involved with the title, and in that effect—we all know that there's a certain air of elegance and poise that xavier generally carries himself with, whether that be in his swordfighting, or the words he uses (he has pretty eloquent speech sometimes), the books he reads... even little things, like the calligraphy he does, his handwriting, the slow dancing, playing the piano. he's well learned, and it's clear that he's been trained truly in the image of a prince.

and he's calm. collected. for the most part, we've seen him deal with adversities in a way that's almost chillingly calm; and for the most part, he portrays himself in a way that feels as if it's not easy to get him to lose that calm. again, it's why we as the audience tend to be so shocked when he does—maybe incredibly, even, especially with misty silhouette as of late. he gives this image of someone who does not often lose control of his emotions...

but it's never been because he wants it that way.

along with all of these things, comes the duty of being a prince.

a prince is high-ranking, a prince is a noble, a prince is royalty. again, there's a certain sovereignty involved with the title. but more than that, is the responsibility of holding such a high status.

xavier is the crown prince. he's the next-in-line. he's expected to take the throne after his father's death, and that means being able to lead and care for the people of his nation—or, well, planet, i suppose, in this case, philos. that's a heavy burden to bear. he's already likely faced with all these lessons, to exude a princely demeanor, and all that formality, and speciality, and elegance, and poise—and now he has to keep in mind that the satisfaction and the safety of this planet will fall directly into his hands when the time comes.

we know later on in his lightseeker myth that this means much more than we think it does—because it means being aware of, and accepting, and condoning the sacrifices that go into keeping philos safe, for, well... exactly that. to keep the people safe.

—"...I knew you'd catch on. However, it is a necessary duty of the crown prince. It is also the King's responsibility."

—"Xavier! Listen to me. A King cannot act on his emotions or only protect the people he holds dear. Your duty is to protect Philos. You must only do what is necessary."

his duties are outlined. he has to protect philos. he must only do what is necessary.

it may be the topic of another conversation entirely, but the whole debacle with philos is really just that whoever is on the throne has to answer: "which is it that men cannot live without? a blessing that leads to damnation, or a freedom that leads to deprivation?" [joshua rosfield and the ff16 writers, thank you for this quote that lives in my head rent free] and like, hell. that's a difficult choice to make.

it's also worth noting that although the context here is somewhat dark, this is a rule that applies to general leadership—there is not much room to be selfish, because you have to think about the people under your care, or rule, or jurisdiction. it's a responsibility that falls on your shoulders for you to bear, for you to make the right call, the right decision—that is the value that the xavier's father is trying to instill in him.

because he is the crown prince.

because he will soon be king.

and heavy is the head that wears the crown.

...only, xavier has never once been receptive of it.

i. - (b) ; constraint and psychological resistance.

we go back to, again, "when shooting stars fall", and the very clear recognition mc has of his lack of freedom.

because that's what it is.

lack of freedom.

because duty is the enemy of freedom.

and xavier, given his position, is undeniably plagued by all of these duties and these obligations and these things that fall to him-

yet, he's never wanted any of it.

though not explicitly confirmed in the game itself, the setup that's implied leads us as the audience to believe that xavier has never enjoyed his royal duties, never found that it was something he desired. it could be that he wanted many other things, but has never been allowed to enjoy these things. in "when shooting stars fall", he's often lonely; often surrounded by these "bodyguards" and rarely interacting with other people in the academy. he believes that these figures restrict him from watching the meteor shower with mc, too. it's possible to think that he's believed, all that time, that he had no say in the things that he does...

because he has to be molded into the perfect image of a prince.

that's where it comes in: the constraint.

something that limits one's freedom of action or choice.

it may or may not be what happened in actuality, but it's clear that by the time anecdote 3 happens, xavier had developed into a person with the misbelief, conditioned, that he was not allowed to do as he wished. it could be the strict training, it could be the things they might have kept from him when he was little.

but xavier believed that there was nothing that he could do.

in a sense, this brought about a sense of learned helplessness.

learned helplessness is the learned feeling that one has little to no control over a certain situation—and because of the lack of control, feelings of helplessness, or passivity, or a lack of motivation to take action, end up resurfacing. it could mean overlooking opportunities for relief, or change—it means basically accepting the situation as-is, without bothering to try to get out of it. "it is what it is." "i can't do anything anyway, so why should i still bother?"

this is the xavier that we meet at the beginning of anecdote 3.

— "I can't." "Is it because of those..." I hesitate, wondering what to call them. "People?" Xavier appears shocked, and then he nods without saying a word.

— "Don't be sad. I'll just go by myself... I'll bring your wish to the stars when I do. What's your wish?" "I don't have one." "How could someone not wish for anything?"

however...

it changes.

the xavier at the beginning of that anecdote is not the same xavier we see at the end of it.

mc makes various comments; talks about how he's smiling more, and we see him more deliberately avoiding the company of those "people" in favor of being with mc instead. he's found something he wants, and he makes the decision that this is worth fighting for. it breaks him out of that mold of learned helplessness—

only to have it ripped away from him through mc's death.

this anecdote is painful because he realizes that he doesn't have to be trapped anymore... but it's a moment that's short-lived.

and it builds.

it builds.

it's very likely that the end of that anecdote haunts him for years on end, builds up a certain sense of resentment and disdain for the universe, for his circumstances, and builds more of that rebellious nature.

when we see him in his lightseeker myth, that learned helplessness is gone.

and instead, it switches to the opposite end.

xavier is more headstrong. he's no longer passive, no longer the boy who was unsatisfied with the restrictions but sat still and did nothing. he literally walks out of his conversation with the king, and he's seen multiple times in the myth defying what's expected of him.

but because it's gotten to the point where he's at the opposite end of the spectrum...

he'd develop, instead, what would be called psychological resistance.

maybe not the concept in its entirety, sure, but the very core of it—that is, displaying these paradoxical, opposing behaviors in response to what he'd be told to do.

it's, in a way, that xavier would have himself feeling stuck nonetheless; because he's so insistent on rebelling against all of this, that the more he's told he's a prince, or that he has to do this, or that, or help philos, or whatever, he completely turns his back on it. i would argue that at this point he is being less objective of the situations and, going against the expected conduct of a prince, gets overly emotional—at this point, the only thing that matters to him is mc.

we get to see the full extent of exactly why xavier is emotionally unstable, because he keeps fluctuating between the two extremes of dealing with all the constraint he's experienced.

i. - (c) ; incongruence of identity.

it get worse, naturally.

to set the stage for this, i'd bring forth the concepts of "congruence" and "incongruence" of identity.

so when we talk about congruence, this refers to the fact that there is a balance between our ideal selves (aka who we want to be) and our actual selves (who we are currently). this means that we basically accept who we are, either that we feel like we are already our ideal selves, or we recognize that though we might not be at our ideal stage, we know how to work to achieve it. there is no conflict between who we are and who we want to become.

incongruence is the opposite of that, and refers to the imbalance of the self. who we are now is not who we want to be, but we don't like that idea. we don't know how to work towards it. it makes us upset, and we may reject ourselves completely to pursue the sense of idealism.

and xavier falls heavily into incongruence.

there's more to it—

according to james marcia, there are four (4) statuses of identity: identity foreclosure, identity diffusion, identity moratorium, and identity achievement.

foreclosure refers to committing to an identity and accepting it, without exploring other options: you'd rather just blindly accept values and ideas and identities that other people suggest, without bothering to consider other options. it's most clear that xavier falls under identity foreclosure.

(diffusion refers to no identity commitment, and no exploration of identities; there is no strong sense of who you are as a person, neither is there any sense of actively trying to work on it. moratorium includes actively exploring options, but not being able to settle into one identity. achievement is the ideal, having explored options and willingly chosen the identity that feels right to you.)

so we have the xavier who's initial identity was chosen and laid out for him without much of his own say in the matter, and because he doesn't want the identity, because it's forced onto him, he develops such an aversive reaction to it that it proves to be quite harmful to the stability of his mental state.

something i've talked about a lot, is how this state of his identity is a cornerstone to the things we see him struggle with, in the main story and in his cards alike, and especially in his relationship with mc. and it sets the tone for the xavier that we see and interact with, as well as the character arc he has to go through to grow into a better person.

once again, it pulls out the fact that he needs to learn to accept who he is as a whole. what he keeps doing is striving for an ideal, striving to become who he "should", as far away from his princely identity as possible. but it's necessary for him to realize that even the most conflicting parts of him are still.. well, him.

the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same. but when we acknowledge and become what we are, we open right new possibilities for change.

it's not necessarily a matter of blindly accepting your faults and not bothering to change that, but acknowledging the parts of you that you refuse to acknowledge, because you can't just... ignore who you are. like xavier has been very keen on doing.

i. - (d) ; feelings of inferiority.

i want to preface this section by saying two things: (1) that inferiority is a word that's thrown a lot very casually, but actually means something different than what general media portrays it to mean... and, (2) that all of the LI's show conflict with feelings of inferiority, in very different ways, and this is not limited to just xavier!

and to understand what inferiority really means, we go back to the person who coined the term in the first place: alfred adler.

so alfred adler is this guy who's basically responsible for what we call "individual psychology", and the very very basis of it is that people are driven by a need to feel that they are significant, and that they belong. there's heavy emphasis on the importance of relationships and social environments, and— a person is influenced by how they interpret events that happened to them in the past.

i hope you see where i'm going with this !!!!

when we relate this to xavier... we can recall how under learned helplessness, it was primarily xavier's view of how he was treated, that he developed a sense of passivity. when things change and he loses mc despite finally learning how to rebel a little, his view changes into one stained more with frustration and disdain—so he works against the situation and rejects it.

the fact is that we as the audience don't know how he was really treated. sure, we can make inferences, but we're just about making the same inferences that mc and xavier do. it's a limited perspective. and what matters the most in a limited perspective is how it's interpreted. we can see clearly how xavier has interpreted his narrative, and it therefore results into his behavior.

so where does inferiority come in?

it does get kind of intense, because individual psychology is closely related to early childhood. so the theory goes that everyone's born with a little bit of inferiority—and then, as kids, or as babies because we strive for the attention of our parents to help fulfil our basic needs we develop this kind of habit of striving to get rid of that inferiority. baby wants food (sense of inferiority and dependance), baby cries (tries to get attention to get rid of the feelings of inferiority).

so it goes that if the child gets the proper care that they need, then problem solved. but inadequate nurturing... means the problem gets worse. we'd go back to learned helplessness, because then the child would feel like they have no control over their surroundings. and while this is normal in small amounts, if it isn't addressed, compensation is just not enough anymore.... and then they would strive for even more.

overcompensation.

and overcompensation leads to an inferiority complex.

now, an inferiority complex isn't what you might be thinking, because it doesn't necessarily just mean seeing yourself as... less than someone. in fact, it's not even about comparison, really, it's just... the feeling of not being enough. it's a lack of self esteem where the feelings of inferiority that all this started with just, haven't been dealt with at all. so it's a cycle of constantly trying to compensate, and compensate, and compensate... it's the need of someone to feel special because they can't accept themselves as flawed. (it's unfortunate, because everyone is flawed... including themselves.)

(it gets worse, because if even that gets left unchecked, it develops a superiority complex which is kind of the same concept, but instead focuses on looking for the "easy way out", like borrowing authority or luxury or power from other people and living according to other people's value system)

but, i digress, because in xavier's case, his sense of inferiority stems from the identity forced upon him. given his background that we went over, there's a lot of pressure involved... and it is once again inferred that he does not have, or does not view that he has, a good relationship with his father (one would assume, including his mother, though i don't believe his mother has been mentioned anywhere?). it's a sense of a lack of nurture; the fact that he has felt as if his needs were not being met and instead pushed aside for something like the "greater good of the people of philos", or something along the lines.

he has to do something about it.

it goes back to the cycle.

the learned helplessness is pushed aside, and he keeps doing things because he has to. and it could be due to the belief that it's what will make him worth anything.

he has to.

except instead of directing his determination necessarily towards the planet he was supposed to lead... because he's so aversive to his identity as a prince...

he directs that towards...

mc.

he has to help her. he has to save her. he'd give rise to the whole lumiere thing to save her, even despite how much he despises resuming an identity similar to the prince of philos.

he has to.

(which, side note: i do believe that his sword fighting also somewhat stems from an inferiority complex, because of the line:

"it's not that i like it. it's the only thing i've been good at since i was a child."

(implying; his need to still feel good at something despite a lack of enjoyment... almost as if compensating for something.)

ii. xavier and mc.

so what does all of this mean for their relationship?

evidently, at the time of voyage of the outcast and the general main story, none of these issues are addressed. this is not like the lumiere myths, not like 21 days, no restraint, floral blessing—this is the xavier who's still largely unstable on the inside but trying to put on a brave face.

there's a lot of things he doesn't know how to navigate.

but the one thing he is sure of is:

mc.

always mc.

she's important to him and he loves her and he has always loved her. this is the person who was the catalyst to him believing that freedom was possible.

and we've had this whole thing established, that he's so insistent on keeping her around that—he doesn't know what to be. he doesn't know what to do. he wants her around, he wants her to like him—

but what does she like?

there's too many sides of him, and he recognizes that this mc in this timeline is her own person. what should he be? he doesn't want her near whatever princely persona he's had in the past—but what if that's what she wants? he wants to show her the person he wants to be, but what if that's not what she wants?

how does he navigate that?

it's the baseline of where he starts—why we see him aloof, and vague, and a little cyptic. he wants to be careful with his words not just to protect her and not just for nonintervention principle... but also because he wants to figure out what she wants, and really wants to make her like him.

he doesn't want to lose her. he doesn't want to mess up and have her go to another guy, he doesn't want this to be a timeline where he can't win her heart.

it's there again, the determination—

he has to.

he has to.

he's doing all these things, working in secret to protect her—he can't lose her. and he's not enough, so he has to do something to compensate that. he wants her approval, he wants praise, he wants her to like him.

when we go back to voyage of the outcast, there's still a lot of that same xavier that we start with—he's still struggling with all of these ideals, the interaction of all that he's grown up with and the things that he has to learn how to navigate.

he's still a little vague, still a little cryptic...

but he's trying, most of all.

he puts in an effort.

— "Isn't there something you genuinely want to ask?"

— "Oh... You're asking if I have a hidden side to me like Soren?"

— "You must have more questions."

he's giving her a chance.

even if the way he answers are still lacking in explanation—it's a step forward nonetheless.

and they do talk about it, that sequence by the basketball court has so much to it, because in one way or another, he's still trying to express his thoughts, even if it comes out, again, still a little vague.

"Perhaps it's because he looks like a good student that makes him the best at doing things behind the scenes. After all, people don't write their secrets on their faces. The calmer the water's surface, the easier it is to hide dangerous undercurrents."

even mc recognizes it:

— "Even though I'm so close to you, experienced all these life-and-death situations with you, I still cannot seem to fully understand you."

but why i say he's trying is that, in theory, he understands what he's lacking in. at this point in the story, he knows he's doing things to mask and pick and choose what he shows her, he recognizes that it's not what he should be doing:

"But... the parts of me you think you know and the parts you think you don't know... They make up who I am. All of me, right here in front of you."

it's just that, knowledge is often different from practice.

from the xavier we see here, you get the image that he knows what he should be doing, but he doesn't quite know how to get there. he knows what he wants to tell her, but he doesn't know how to express it properly.

and it's why when we get to The kindled scene, we're pulled back into the xavier that still hasn't come to terms with himself and what he wants, the xavier that falls into the shadow of himself that can't help but be so aversive to his princely duties.

we pull together the insecurities, the incongruence— the inferiority complex.

and we end up with the glorification of sacrifice.

this is something i've always always wanted to get into, and again, similarly to inferiority, it's present in all the LI's, but xavier's really makes you think, you know?

because for being so aversive to his role as a prince and everything that philos has done/has planned to do to queen mc especially, you'd think he'd be just aversive to the role of sacrifice, in general.

(i mean, i know i would be! 😭)

it's like— if i'm already that aversive, then i'd rather find some kind of workaround to it than bother giving into the sacrificial needs of the planet, just to challenge what's supposed to be, you know?

— "A planet that uses... ... ...to survive.... doesn't deserve to be saved." [ <- do you see the aversion? there's so much hatred and disdain in this! ]

and yet, that's not what xavier does.

— "Starfall forest... will stop once it has enough power..."

— "I couldn't... I didn't protect you before. At least... it chose me this time..."

he was very clearly planning on having the forest take him. it's even further pushed by him recognizing mc to be there, but... the bottomline falls to the fact that he was willing to be the sacrifice that was needed instead.

the contradiction is there, no?

he doesn't want to save the planet, not at all, but yet he'd offer himself.

and although this falls to my personal speculation, when you draw references from his background, there's once again the fact that he grew up with all of these ideaologies. his parents were the first sources of influence—and then whoever had been with him through his growth, and trainings, or whatever else as a prince. and he was learning all these things in philos, the very planet that did use sacrifices.

and upset though he always has been about learning of the sacrifices, it's not as if the planet condemned mc for being the sacrifice... if not, well... glorified her, somewhat. they called her the perfect sacrifice—the life force of the planet. they held importance in what they believed to be "true immortality". moreover— "her duty was to save philos, because her existence worked in such a manner."

it wasn't just "whatever" to them, and they surely didn't treat her like shit just because she was a sacrifice.

it feels as if, the theme goes as "you're doing a good job being the sacrifice. your sacrifice will save us and that is worth something to be thankful for."

and even if xavier is clearly averse to the idea... again—the fact remains that he was brought up with the entire theme of sacrifice surrounding him.

we circle back to inferiority.

there's that certain sense of belongingness, or approval, that was never fulfilled in his childhood, so much that he began to resent everything altogether, enough to rebel so much, the way that he did.

but it stems from what he never received.

and while he may not care anymore for approval from the people of philos, what he does care for is mc's approval.

because again, mc is the only one that truly matters to him, the one he focuses on the most, the one he's doing all of this for.

he has to do something to compensate, he has to do something so that she'll love him.

the same line of thinking that we said earlier he'd come to terms with knowledge-wise, that he's trying to be more genuine instead of chasing after compensation and praise and compensation and praise—

but again, in this scene, it falls back.

he's lost sense of reasoning, the evol, the protofield, they're all affecting him... and we go back to that sentiment.

he has to do something. to protect her. to save her. to be...

noble.

the only issue with that is in this moment, he's faced with the prospect of sacrifice. and he's thinking, "fuck it, this will make her happy—i can save her—i can do something—it will give me some worth."

he's sucked back into that shell, and the option in front of him is sacrifice, which he's likely long grown up with surrounded by glorified opinions of.

it's his duty.

he has to.

and it's just so gut-wrenching to think about, because he loves mc so much that it bypasses even every ounce of aversion and resentment (that she triggered long long back), and he would do anything for her.

the xavier that we see in this scene is raw, and lost, and in pain....

he loves her so much that it hurts.

... but, there's beauty in the way that this teaches him firsthand what he's missing, too. he learns to trust her more, learns to rely on her more... enough so that he drops a good portion of the aloof, distant-ish act he'd been generally having after this scene.

— "Your power will keep me safe."

— "It's as if he's already at the finish line with the answers. He's quietly waiting to see if l'll join him or choose a different path."

voyage of the outcast ends on a hopeful note for their relationship, because there is the premise that he's going to start being a little more true to himself from here on.

i think it's interesting to go through this again after floof attack and misty silhouette, but there's definitely a stark contrast and some sort of progression actually involved with the way they're progressing the main story—it does feel natural, not forced, not rushed, because xavier and mc are still at the pount where neither of them are ready to be romantically involved...

but they're getting there. slowly. steadily.

and it's really nice to see the growth, that i can't wait to see how xavier will continue to grow from hereon out 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

THIS TOTALLY GOT A LITTLE MESSY TOWARDS THE END.... I SWEAR THIS IS LIKE. THESIS DISSERTATION CORE. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW LONG ITS GOTTEN WJFJWNBGEJJF BUT IF YOUVE MADE IT THIS FAR TY FOR LISTENING TO MY RAMBLES !! 😭😭😭✋✋✋✋

i think about his story branch a lot but specifically the basketball scene and the one at the end with the lil shared earphones... im gonna sob in the corner i actually want to hold him in my arms so so gently 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[yukimomodivorce]

The Ghosts in IDOLiSH7 are a Literary Device, Mostly

(an essay by me)

People are always asking me, "Robin, what the fuck is up with those ghosts in IDOLiSH7? How come this otherwise completely non-supernatural universe randomly has these two ghosts that show up and then never get acknowledged again? Is it just canon that ghosts exist and only Riku and Momo can see them?" and I am always telling them that I have an analysis about this I just haven't written it yet. But that ends today, as do all of these very pressing concerns about the i7 Ghosts™, because here I am, finally writing the analysis. This essay will have two sections, the first on the training camp ghost from part 3/third beat, and the second on the Re:vale house ghost from Yuki's third chapter of Re:member. So, spoilers for all of part 3/third beat in both sections, Re:member in section 2, and there's one extremely minor spoiler for part 4 in section 1 but it's honestly so predictable I don't think it even counts. Also, I'll reiterate this once we get to it, but just a warning that section 2 will contain discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation, and a brief mention of self-harm, so please stop reading after section 1 if you don't want to see any of that! Another less important disclaimer about section 2 is that I am going to spend an entirely unecessary amount of time talking about Yuki. I am normal about Yuki. Okay. Without further ado, let's watch my spiral into ghost analogy insanity unfold!

Game translations: @seigyokus Re:member translations: @ takara_time (+ scans and editing by @ waitamomoment) Rabbit chat translations: @osakaso5

Section 1: The Training Camp Ghost

This first point applies to both ghosts, but I wanna start by noting that I think superstitions and beliefs like this are more common in Japan than a lot of other places, so yeah it is entirely possible that ghosts are just a canon and accepted thing in Idolish7's universe and this isn't really that strange of a detail for the series to include. However, I don't have any real background knowledge about if ghosts are normal in non-supernatural anime/etc. and I am not committing to that kind of research, so we'll have to leave the specifics of the ghost canonicity issue to someone else. But regardless of how canon they are, I think we've established well enough by now that the i7 writers don't put much of anything in the series without reason (re:vale band name you will always be famous. to me), and that definitely applies here as well - both of our ghosts are doing a LOT of potential symbolic work in their brief appearances, and that's what we'll be unpacking today, starting with the TCG.

The infamous TCG (training camp ghost) of Atami needs no introduction, but I'll give her one anyway. During the filming of the Friends Day special, upon following the shopping group home, she offers her services to Riku (inexplicably the only person capable of communicating with her) for the evening entertainment group's test of courage, terrorises several cast members throughout the day, and finally brings us Soma Saito's incredible cover of Dis One before probably being sent back to idol fan purgatory forever. Who is she? Where did she come from? I have several theories.

1.1: The TCG is the audience

While the 'ghosts are real in i7' possibility is there, I think it's also important to note in this case that the whole training camp is very explicitly being filmed for TV, and the biggest vibe I get from this episode of the anime is that the ghost is a part of the show, and we're seeing that show through the eyes of its in-universe audience. This happens pretty often in i7 (for example, when we see the groups talk to their fans during concerts), and generally the line between the real fans and the fictional ones can get pretty blurred (which deserves its own much longer analysis but I Am Not Writing All That), so everything with the in-universe audience here kind of naturally extends to us as the real audience. The TCG would probably be easy enough to manufacture with special effects as long as Riku and the driver guy were in on it, and it would make sense for the Friends Day producers to include it to keep things entertaining and be a stand-in for their viewers/fans of the idol groups - the ghost is specifically a female fan of male idols (Zero), and a lot of her interactions with the cast would qualify as self-insert material (e.g. Tenn singing for her and Riku looking directly into the camera to smile at her). And speaking of Tenn and Riku,

1.2 The TCG is Nanase twins angst

I think this connection is fairly obvious in their exchange here. You could make a case for the ghost representing either one of the twins. Like Riku, she's being pushed away by Tenn before she's ready to leave, told that it's necessary and for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds. Like Tenn, she's leaving despite Riku's protests and part of her not really wanting to go at first, because she believes it's for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds.

There's also the association with ghosts of being ignored/invisible, and Riku being the only person able to see or talk to her. Maybe it's because he's the only one who's able to reach her. Maybe he can see her because he understands her on some level - she was torn away from life like he was torn away from his brother, and she's now practically invisible to everyone else around her, like Riku probably feels to Tenn (and arguably the rest of his family in some ways). Maybe he wants her to feel seen, and he can make Tenn acknowledge her in the way he wants to be acknowledged by him. I might actually be going somewhere with this so bear with me for a second.

1.3: The TCG is monster Riku foreshadowing

So my first thought when I watched the Nanase twin angst portion of this episode was 'well obviously the ghost isn't real and Riku is just using it to talk to Tenn indirectly' because they are always having indirect conversations like this and it makes me insane, and I do still think that's the idea here, just not quite in the sense that Riku is making things up. Going back to the whole 'ghost is a stand-in for the audience' thing, and assuming that she's saying the things that Riku wants to say and Tenn is telling her the things he wants to tell Riku, then we could say that rather than Riku purposefully having the ghost speak for him, this is an extension of the monster effect. I guess in this scenario the TCG is a real ghost (and a figurative representation of the audience), and Riku is having the same effect on her that Iori says he has on everyone else. He unknowingly projects his desire to connect with his brother onto her, and she tries to help him. Really, the only times we see her after she follows the shopping group to their cabin are when she's helping Riku, with the test of courage and then with speaking to Tenn. This gets convoluted so I kinda doubt it's intentional? But it's fun to think about.

1.4: The TCG is the friends we made along the way

Riku spells this out a bit more explicitly in the game here, but the TCG represents the each of the groups in the series in a couple different ways. I guess one way you could interpret this is that the ghost is meant to be there to emphasise how extraordinary it is that they're all together, but I don't think that really holds up considering how often they end up working with each other throughout the series anyway. What's important here is the idea of the ghost itself, something that can be present and felt even when it isn't physically or actually there. Again, the ghost is the audience - a constant influence for better and for worse on these idols even when they aren't watching, even in their personal lives; and vice versa, the ghost is the idols being able to reach their fans without ever actually knowing them. More relevant to what Riku says, the ghost is the groups to each other - friends, mentors, rivals, pushing them forward even when they aren't standing side by side. You could even say the ghost is ZOOL, friends who aren't here right now but will be someday. Re:vale and Idolish7 as groups don't especially fit the ghost description, but they have their fair share of ghosts - Banri, Haruki, Tenn, Aya, Sougo's uncle. Zero. The list goes on, for Trigger and ZOOL as well, but I think the most important way the ghost analogy applies to this section of the story is with Trigger. Because during the imminent Arc Where Trigger Gets Cancelled™, despite leaving their agency and disappearing almost entirely from the public eye, they're still very much there to their fans and to their friends. So. I kinda forgot what I was saying but to sum it all up the ghost here represents everything that stays with you even when it's far away or after it's gone from your life. Mikanseinabokura and all that. And now that I mention it-

Section 2: The Re:vale House Ghost

Once again, a warning that this section has a brief mention of self-harm, as well as in-depth discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation (which I'm gonna be talking about pretty bluntly the entire time), so please don't proceed unless you're comfortable with all of that!

Like most things in Re:member, the RHG (Re:vale house ghost) makes me insane. Today I am going to attempt to form coherent thoughts about it and it is unlikely that I'll succeed, but try to bear with me. Though it isn't around for as long as the TCG, we have a little more info about the RHG - it's the ghost that haunts the shitty apartment Yuki and Momo live in together in their early days as Re:vale. Supposedly. All it actually does is slam the door of one kitchen cabinet and I don't think that this is definitive evidence of paranormal activity because most houses are just like that. It's all a little bit vague, but according to Re:vale, their house is definitely haunted by the ghost of someone who died in the kitchen, because when they move in there is a mysterious black stain on their kitchen floor. Momo introduces himself to the floor stain while Yuki stares at him in awe and blushes and shoujo filter flowers appear in his eyes. God I hate them. I think the RHG is just a figment of their collective imagination or maybe they're having one of those shared delusions or something. But that's really besides the point because this ghost exists for one very specific thematic purpose: the RHG is Yuki.

And on that note, let's go back and talk about Yuki for a few minutes (potentially hours) before we get to our actual analysis of the ghost scene. Mostly because I just wanna talk about him, but also because I do understand why some people think the 'Momo starts talking to ghosts' part of Re:member is kinda weird and random, and I think at least some of this is important to go over before we unpack it.

A consensus has already been established among Yuki scholars that our subject has autism (Kei et al. 2024). Today, I would like to propose an additional diagnosis: Yuki has depression.

2.1: "I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well."

So, Yuki pretty clearly gets depressed when Ban leaves him. He loses interest in everything he used to care about, gives up on his dreams, blames himself for Ban's injury and disappearance, he's constantly sad, tired and irritable, and he lashes out at Momo (and Kujou, though there are some other pretty strong reasons for that one) and presumably everyone else he knows (I doubt he had a particularly good relationship with anyone else in the first place, but still).

He's grieving here, and it would make sense for him to react this way because of that fact alone. But I really don't think that's all there is to it, because he exhibits these symptoms (among others) long before Ban leaves him. He can't get out of bed in the mornings, he rarely leaves the house if he can avoid it, he has days where he can't eat or sleep, he's underweight and always tired and generally known to lack energy and be slow (or 'lazy') and in some cases listless and despondent. Ban even says that he wouldn't put it past Yuki to start slitting his wrists. And it's subtle, but there's one more really big one that really never goes away for him, even after he finds Ban.

2.2: "I don't need anyone to love me."

I'll get straight to the point. Yuki hates himself. Maybe only a little bit, maybe only sometimes, but it's there. Especially when he struggles with composing - he even says it himself in part 1 of his birthday photobook rabbit chat, almost immediately after saying that it made him want to kill himself but we'll get back to that part.

But it's really everywhere on what seems to be a mostly subconscious level for him, if you know how to look, even from the very beginning:

On paper, this line is just his frustration with being judged by anything other than his music, because it's something he cares a lot about and puts a lot of work into and he wants that to be acknowledged. But I think that if you take it in conjunction with some of the other things he tends to say, there's a little bit more to it.

I dont need anyone to love me. Yuki's songs are worthy of love. Yuki is not. There is nothing valuable about Yuki other than his songs, he has nothing else that deserves any sort of praise, and without them, he's just a useless burden with nothing to offer. He doesn't need anyone to love him - he doesn't understand why anyone would. And Momo does, and he's a good person, and Yuki doesn't deserve that when there's nothing he can actually do for him. And when that starts to change and he starts getting better at showing kindness to others and being there for Momo, he doesn't see it as learning to better express his feelings, he sees is as learning to feel affection and be a good person, because he believes that he is inherently not. As far as he can tell, Yuki is just naturally a bad person and a bad partner who isn't kind and isn't capable of love or compassion, not unless he tries to be. He knows, because he's heard it god knows how many times - even Chiba Shizuo blatantly tells him that neither of them can become good people - and maybe things are different now, but on some basic level it'll always be who he is.

Ok breaking character for a second, imagine you show up to your acting side gig and on the first day Keanu Reeves comes up to you and gives you $300 cash and then later he indirectly tells you that you're a nasty lonely egotistical failure. Now imagine you're Yuki and you have no fucking clue who Keanu Reeves is. He also shows you pictures of his top secret illegitimate son after talking to you for like 10 minutes and you have to lie to him about being straight. I think this is objectively the funniest situation to be in ever. Chiba Shizuo and Yamato both probably have depression also, but I'm not gonna spend any time on it, because every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in Northern Queensland. I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway

2.3: Hey remember that one time Yuki just straight up tried to kill himself

Yeah, that one. As far as I know this is really never addressed or acknowledged again, so we're just gonna take the page-long gag from Re:member at face value and say that after Ban's disappearance, Yuki (almost) attempted suicide, and the only reason he didn't go through with it is because he couldn't find anywhere to hang the noose. And like, yeah you could say it's just because he thought Ban might have killed himself and he's always been the kind of hopeless romantic to be waxing poetic about how "I can't live without you," but at the same time, he had no apparent reason to believe this (even if Ban did have suicidal tendencies I doubt Yuki would've really known), and he was planning to go through with it (I know it's probably just for comedic effect but he left a will. He left a will. He's, like, 20, and surely not the kind of person who would just have something like that in order already). This is also emphatically not the last time or the only reason he thinks about it.

I told you we'd get back to the photobook chat! I think there's also a lot you can infer from all the times he says he'd probably be dead by now without Momo and he wouldn't be able to handle losing him, what with the whole "when you jump, you'd better take me with you" thing. But regardless, this really isn't just that one time that Yuki tried to kill himself. It's suicidal ideation, and it's something he consistently struggles with especially in the few months after Ban leaves him. It even comes up in how he sees the 'paranormal activity' his new apartment:

2.4: "It seemed as though someone had hung themselves there."

Yeah it's the ghost I'm finally gonna talk about the ghost. I'm done with my Yuki has depression rant we can talk about why the ghost is Yuki now. I guess it might be more accurate to say that the ghost is Yuki's depression/suicidal thoughts/Banri trauma/whatever, but either way I think it represents him and he might also be semi-consciously projecting onto it, and I'm gonna go through line-by-line and try to explain my interpretation.

I think if you want to there's definitely room to take the 'usual paranormal activity' super literally and say that Yuki was having outbursts and slamming doors at the time (which would also match up with him being startled by it). I think it's also important to note that this is happening around the time he mentions feeling suicidal and not being able to compose in the photobook chat, but the main thing here is that second line. Even though Momo is always so nice to him, he can't stop himself from getting mad and being difficult and depressed, and he can't return that kindness - he can't even be useful to him.

I've already mentioned how I think Yuki's conclusion about the stain here plays into his suicidal ideation, but let's look at it a little more thematically. It's the way that even though it's glossed over earlier in the manga, Yuki's suicide attempt and everything that accompanied it still follows him, and it hangs (lol) heavy in their house like a ghost. To Yuki, it's startling and eerie - it scares him, and he's expecting it to scare Momo once he sees that side of him too. And it probably does scare him a little, and he hesitates, but he doesn't scream. Again, there's room to interpret this more literally as Momo finding out about his attempt/ideation/depression, or just as him inevitably seeing how he gets on his worse days, but either way the outcome is the same. Momo is starting to know Yuki as a person instead of an idol, flaws and probable mental illness and all, and his first reaction isn't to shy away or start to hate him or want to leave. It's an introduction. He makes it clear that they'll both be staying here from now on, that he's willing to live with the 'darker' sides of Yuki, and to help him do the same. Another point on this that's up to interpretation (because let's be real they're probably never gonna deal with this stuff explicitly in canon), you could see the whole ghost thing as neither of them really being able/wanting to accept that Yuki's symptoms are actually a part of him (and this is veering completely into fanfic territory but now I'm just imagining both of them silently agreeing to blame the things Yuki does on bad days on the ghost) but we've had enough angst for one day.

Everything else lines up well enough with the ghost and Yuki, but it's really his reaction here that sells the whole thing for me. It's a simple gesture, but just by Momo greeting him, being by his side, waiting for him when he comes home, that constant reminder of all his darkest thoughts becomes just another mark on the floorboards. It's not gone, and it probably never will be. But at least now, he doesn't have to face it alone. And it doesn't look so scary anymore.

2.5: "Now I know joy, and the meaning of a smile."

I must confess that I lied to all of you earlier. I'm actually not done with my Yuki rant and also there's a good reason I've been ignoring all the parts of Re:member where he isn't being self-deprecating or trying to kill himself. The end of the ghost scene is only the beginning of the end of this analysis, and the end of this analysis is pretty much just me having a meltdown about Yuki. Also I'm running out of space for images so we're doing some of the quotes like this instead.

After losing Ban, I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well. I could only feel a sting as the wind passed through an empty, gaping hole in my chest. But I breathed as best as I could, and he tried to clear the dirt out of that hole, filling it with his earnest words instead.

Yuki still exhibits a lot of symptoms of depression all the way through the series, like the low energy and the trouble eating and sleeping, and [redacted part 5 spoilers] makes me think there's definitely some sort of connection between his writers' block and his depressive episodes. He still mentions feeling guilty towards Banri in second beat, the suicidal ideation doesn't really come up explicitly but he kinda hints at it on a few occassions, and he's very adament that he was a bad person and still isn't really a good one. But it's like. I don't really know how to put this, but I guess it's not his default state anymore like it was right after Ban left (and possibly before that, too). For the most part, he really does get better, and these things become less intense and fewer and farther between. He would probably say that it's all thanks to Momo, and it is, but he also very much does it of his own volition. Momo refuses so desperately to give up on him, and because of that he makes that choice to keep going by restarting Re:vale with him.

Yuki allows himself to let someone else in and start to love again - his partner, his music, his life. Even while he's thinking that he's just a burden to those around him, he doesn't resign himself to his fate like he might have done in the past. He's determined to become a better person, someone who can be a source of strength for Momo just like he was for him. And in the end, he does, but it's not just that. Now he knows joy. Now he can genuinely smile. And now,

I want to hear them scream my name. The voices that called out had annoyed me in the past. But now, I'll smile, together with Momo, who'll be by my side.

Going back to what I said about some of Yuki's subconscious self-hatred coming through in the way he wants people to look at his music and not at him, I. Cannot finish a sentence. Do NOT think about Yuki learning to love himself and see himself as worthy of love because Momo loved him just that much in a way that he could accept. BAD IDEA. Okay. So. It's Ban's advice and Momo's fan letter that get Yuki to accept that his fans do genuinely love his music in the first place, and I think it's here that it really starts to turn into him accepting the idea that they love other things about him too? Or that he really starts to want it and be happy about it instead of just accepting it? Whatever. I give up. I don't even like Re:vale anyway

That day, I would play the guitar I'd almost thrown at Kujou, because I now knew the power of a song that could not be silenced. I would dry my tears, open the door, and say, "I'm home."

[gotham-daydreams]

Hi! I love your gothan platonic batfam series, but every time I read it I can't help but wonder what Duke's reaction to all this would be. He's one of my fave batfam characters, do you have any plans to add him in later chapters?

Just curious, no pressure. Hopefully I didn't come off as pushy. (sorry if i did)

Have a good day! <3

Hello! And you didn't come off as pushy, no worries :]

I'll be honest and admit that I have thought of adding Duke to the series- but if I was going to do that in a more organic manner, and just generally in a way that makes sense- that would've been in Chapter 2 or 3. Though trust me I am still debating... and the only reason I'm hesitating is because I don't think I'd be able to capture his personality, or really just him as a person very well.

Granted, I do inherently view yandere versions of characters as OOC for... various reasons (some of which are obvious, especially when it comes to the Batfam and DC characters in general), but I do try to keep very close to the character (or my general understanding and interpretation of them for things like DC, who have multiple canons and such) and write them in a way that does still compliment or adhere to parts of their personality or overall mindset... if only generally. Like Bruce and his closeness to those around them yet the distance he so desperately tries to keep - not for himself, but rather those around him. His strive for justice and to do good to make up for a sin, a fault that isn't his to forgive or one he hardly had anything to do with and so on. How that makes him inherently protective if only at a distance and in silence. How he tries to keep himself away from others, if only to protect them, and yet finds himself surrounded anyway. Etcetera etcetera.

Case and point- I don't have a really good graps of Duke's general character and aren't confident enough to write him into the Not Series at the moment- and by the time I do, it may feel shoehorned in and just not as great as it could be (even if a line I wrote in Chapter 1 was meant to be him..). Though I am learning more about him! And if anyone would like to share what they know and their interpretations of his character they have and such while I still have asks open, I'd love to read and see them :]

In future series', oneshots, and just general things I plan to post and share on this blog, Duke will very much make an appearance and we'll reach 10 yanderes for the Batfam instead of just 9. (Some series' which will definitely be longer than the Not Series.)

On that note, I have thought of how Duke would feel (and some others earlier on have asked a bit as well), and from the little I know of him, this is how I think at the moment he would generally react/feel (though it may be inaccurate and such because of what I mentioned previously 😅):

I think he would start out as one of the many others that actually live in the manor or just so happened to be there at the time — and that being he feels guilt first (unlike the only person in that house who doesn't/didn't) and just... wouldn't know what to do. The time passed and everything the reader has done sort of leaves him stumped, and just stuck processing until everyone's rushing out and around to find you and before he knows it- he's following out with them to do the exact same thing.

I think he leaves before everyone else, and considering that he does daytime patrol, it isn't as odd to see him out and about anyway. Though the frantic-ness of his movements and actions are weird, and for once, more outwardly, Duke panics.

He feels bad, of course he does, and more similarly to Cass- he can only wish that he could do things with out. That he wants to be in the room when you got your awards or had been there through the hardships he knows you undoubtedly faced without even having to see the medkit like Bruce does in Chapter 2. So he goes out to look for you, but not so much for your safety and more so to just... apologize. To say every little thing he can in hopes to make things better, to lessen the damage.

And of course, just to see you.

More than anything Duke wants to make it up to you right away, but has half a mind to know he'll have to take things slow. He's still sensible to some degree, if not only partially of half-insane just like the rest of the fam (minus a certain blonde and red head who are only a sliver of the way there), he knows it'll take time, that you probably won't forgive him right away. But that's okay! He can live with that, he understands that, but he just needs to see you. Just once- if only to see who you are now and the person you've become. If only to say an apology that might fall too flat or feel too empty considering the little he knows about you.

Just once. No matter how awkward it is or how much he regrets it later. Just once.

Though, despite that he is divided on bringing you home. It would be nice, sure, but by the time that discussion comes up he isn't sure that's the best idea. Even less so with how those that do want you home seem to want to go about it, and just generally the kind of people they are. Impulsive. Strong. Threatening- they'll scare you and do more damage then help ease tensions, and he doesn't want that to happen. You don't deserve that- even if he barely knows you. Duke can feel it, you don't. Even then, they help people out, not hurt them, not like they did with you.

Duke wants to spend time with you, but he's willing to do that outside of the manor if it means making you more comfortable and warm up to him a little more. As long as he sees you he can't complain...

So when Dick messes up, he's upset. Like everyone else besides Cassandra he doesn't know what happened but knows that something absolutely went wrong. Dick usually wasn't so obvious about things like that either, but with how hurt and just... broken he looks, they could all tell. Duke could tell.

Granted, he's not upset enough to change his mind, and if anything it definitely makes him more adamant about not bringing you home yet, but he can’t find it in himself to be fully against the idea, even then.

The one thing he wants to do after that, if anything, is more determined to make things right.

If Dick of all people couldn't make it up to you, then hell, maybe Duke can.

[majorproblems77]

Hi, Linked Maze fans! It's me again!

Ohhhh boy we are cooking and I am excited. Let's do a late-night ramble with yours truly

When I tell you I looked at these panels for a reasonable amount of time I was lying and it was longer than that.

Now a link to the comic page can be found Here! Please go give it some love :D

For the important stuff!

Linked Maze belongs to @linked-maze and its wonderful creator @frulleboi. (You should follow them, they are wonderful) And as a heads up, Linked maze is for more mature audiences! :)

As usual, you know the drill, Grab some water, Grab some popcorn and prepare for me to ramble at you for however long it is!

Here we go!

Oh lordy it's the sun (you'll see why later.)

He sniffin. Sniff Sniff

Now, Everyone remembers the first rule of exploring. Dont run off! That includes you Wolfy!

Now I have a theory. Which I'll come back to in detail later. But just, Remember the shadow behind four for me. We'll get back to it.

Warrior is the group Dad at this point. also, I love this side shot of him thank you.

Also

Warrior. Speaking to Wolfie like he is a kid rather than a wolf.

WARRIOR KNOWS SOMETHING IS UP YOU CANT CHANGE MY MIND

I dont think It'll be Sky. I think it'll be a hero we haven't met yet!

We interupt this comic analysis for unhinged analysis :D

Ready? Me too, lets go

Because, that shadow?

this one?

I dont think it's wolfy, It can't be.

Wolfie's shadow has a definition to it. It has a shape.

You can see the outlines of his tail, which is what we would see if it were him.

Where this one is a blob. Closer to a person.

Ie Winds's shadow

the blob

In fact, if I had to give you a position for Wolfy right now. It's not there. Let me explain.

Shadowssssss

Remember the sun? (Me too, I miss it;-;)

The sun can tell us a bunch about time and stuff. But also where a person is (Because fun angles and maths that I know way too much about tbh)

Anyway

So Wolfy's shadow hits another wall

This wall looks flat so it can't be a corner. (Taking the grass as reference)

And his face isn't shadowed at all, So he himself isn't behind a wall. He's approaching one tho. So in this case I reckon Wolfie isn't visible at all to wind and Warriors at the point Four turns to them.

So who is this mysterious shadow?

It ain't angel. No way.

I reckon it is another Link group. And we are either going to meet the last of the Links we are yet to meet. Or we are pulling groups together.

You know what....

I think it's World or Spirit. And we are gonna see these guys interact before they meet the other larger group of heroes.

Though im leaning towards Spirit just because of the shadow's shape. (And the lack of Sheerow)

Let me know what you think because I'm not 100% sure and I'm interested in what you think.

Okay ramble over, but to be fair that's why your here right?

Oh windddddd

the poor boy

I feel so bad for him he didn't deserve this. He probably tried to open his eye cause he was excited. :(

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

The boyyyyyyy

He's trying to be a strong hero in front of these other heroes again. This poor kid i feel so bad for him.

ALSO THE EARS :(

They have expressive ears and it kills me to see wind sad like this.

AHHHHHH

BIG BRO WARRIOR

I LOVE HIM

And his little ear lower of worry for the small I love him sm okay.

Excuse me?

bhdjlhsafdnsajkfndas;nfdas

You can't leave it like that

Where's wolfy

Wheres four?

Will the small boy ever not be in pain?

I have questions!

Ahh okay okay I loved this update it was very fun. Im excited to see what's coming up in the next chapter.

Thats all from me!

Have a great night all! :D

[witchblood-if]

Small Update (and sad news?)

My loveliest lovelies!

First I want to adress the most important news that has already been spreading on Tumblr for the last couple of days:

The shutdown of beloved dashingdon.com

There's been a kind soul or two in my inbox that has informed me of these circumstances, as well as pretty much any IF-blog on here.

I always kind of assumed that would happen, as the alternative site cogdemos.ink has been around longer than I've been working with IFs and I had read about it as dashingdons successor when I first started looking into having a possible game hosted. I've seen people on here being shocked and sad (and weirdly the-end-is-near-y) about it all and I get it. But these things happen frequently as time goes on. In any case I thought the guy on who's shoulders the weight of the whole ChoiceScript-community rests (namely Don) is also hosting this new site.

So, what we'll do is: I upload the game on CogDemos andd change the link on both intro and announcement post (and it absolutely doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I lost the password to my dashingdon account, nuh-nuh, no Sir). I fact, I have already done it (and here's to hoping it works, please report back if anything doesn't work)

With this I will also upload the bits and pieces of the first chapter that have been sitting on my computer since forever, so... New content, yay! (It's not entirely edited though, so a couple of errors in wording and spelling should persist)

I will also use this opportunity and announce the sad news of putting Witch Blood on hiatus for the time being.

Over time I realized that I pretty much bit off more than I could chew, with it being my first actual writing experience. And it's been a lot of fun to learn! But as I've been working more and more on my first fanfiction over the past year I noticed how my approach for Witch Blood was certainly organized in a way but not enough or at least not in a way that works for me. Additionally creating a whole new world is more complicated than I thought because it makes you question everything. I tell myself that I don't have to have all bits and pieces sketched out and logically working, the only thing that matters is what ultimately takes place in the story anyhow. Whatever happens outside of it could be causing more problems than it solves (and God knows I don't want to turn into She-who-must-not-be-named and her whole "I've had this all planned out since the beginning and I am certainly not making this up on the spot because someone asked"-shtick).

But! I am not giving up. I personally still like a lot of things I've come up with. Just the way of going at it isn't working and at this point a re-write is unavoidable.

In other news I recently had a look into Twine, mainly because in a video I saw how great it is to visually represent non-linear storytelling, and it would work really well as just a visual (which I've been looking for since forever) but why not use it for coding as well? There's a couple of helpful things guiding you in contrast to having to do everything from scratch with Choice-Script. I don't think I will be doing any crazy visual effects, since I like the simplicity of CS a lot, but Twine would be interesting to use anyhow.

So, with this absolute monster of a post I also want to thank each and every one of you, who have still stuck around even though there was so much silence on my end! Special shout-out to the lovely Anon asking me if I am okay some time ago!

My inbox will remain open though!

And now, as always

Hugs and kisses

Carter

[kelcemenow]

Win Or Lose - Chapter 3.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 1633

Warnings Angst, mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage.

This was a very detailed Anon request that I received and knew I had to give it a go! (I’ll not paste the whole request here as I usually do, as it was rather long but if you want to read it, it’s here. Be warned, it’s rather full of spoilers!) 

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

"Ooh, I like this one!" You clicked on the beautiful white wooden crib, adorned with pale yellow sheets and blankets.

Travis leaned in closer to see the screen better, "That's dope, baby."

You raised an eyebrow, "Dope? You're describing this absolutely gorgeously crafted crib with smooth drop sides and form fitting mattress included as dope?"

Travis grinned and placed a hand on your small bump, "A dope-ass crib for a dope-ass baby."

You rolled your eyes and looked back to the screen, "Why can't we just go and look at these in the store? I think it would be better if saw all of this stuff in person."

"Baby, you know why. One click of a paparazzi camera and we're on the front page. I can just see it now." He lifted his hand in the air as he spoke, "Chiefs star tight end Travis Kelce and fine-ass wife spotted shopping for baby items. The whole world will know."

You continued to scroll, not looking at your husband, "Front page? You think that will be the breaking news story of the day?"

"You know what I mean, we need to wait a little longer. Just in case, you know?"

Resting your head onto the back of the couch, you looked towards Travis, "Yeah, I know. We're going to have to tell people soon, though." You rubbed your stomach, "I'm 14 weeks tomorrow."

Travis chewed his bottom lip, "How do you want to do it?"

"I mean, we could just post something on Instagram or something?"

You looked to your husband who was staring down at your bump, drawing circles with his finger, "Nah, I got a better idea. Why don't I say something at the press conference after the game on Sunday?"

You smiled, "You know what, that's not half bad! I like it!"

"I'll tell the guys and coach at practice today so that they have a heads up."

You stroked his cheek, "I love you so much, Mr Kelce."

"I love you to, Mrs Kelce."

You giggled, "It's been almost 3 years and I still get all giddy when I hear that."

He slid closer to you and kissed your lips gently, "That's what you are. My wife, my woman, my girl...Mrs Kelce." He took a deep breath, "And soon, we're going to have a little Kelce running around. And it's going to be so loved." He leaned his head down towards your bump, "You hear that little bean? You're so loved already."

You smiled, "That's another thing. We're going to have to start thinking about names."

"I like little bean!" Travis laughed.

You moved your laptop from your knee and turned to face Travis, "Okay, for a boy...Hunter?"

Travis nodded slowly, "Hunter? Hunter...I like it. Hunter Kelce."

"And if it's a girl...Sienna?"

"Sienna Kelce, that's gorgeous."

You jumped a little, "You like them?"

"I do, I really do. You mentioned the name Hunter once before and I liked it then, but Sienna is beautiful." Travis smiled.

"We'll be able to find out soon which it'll be."

Travis' eyes widened, "Really? Have you called the doctor?"

"Not yet, I was going to wait until after Sunday so that you'd be able to come with me."

Travis shook his head, "No, let's do it now, make the appointment. See if Dr Tomlin has any space tomorrow for us? I'm sure coach will let me dip out of practice early, for this especially."

"You sure?"

He kissed your forehead before laying a kiss on your bump, "Of course."

You watched as he rose from the couch, "Now, foot rub?"

______________________________________________________________

The doctors office smelled of disinfectant and the lights blinded your eyes. You blinked and noticed Travis pacing around the room.

"Will you stop? This is exactly like the bathroom when we took the test. You're making me nervous."

Travis jumped on the balls of his feet, attempting to shed some energy, "I can't help it baby. I'm just so excited."

The office door swung open and Dr Tomlin smiled at you both. He was middle-aged with greying hair, a rounded stomach and broad shoulders.

"Hello, both of you. Nice to see you." He smiled and checked his chart, "So, Mrs Kelce, you're at your second trimester now. How have you been doing?"

You shuffled on the bed, "Yeah, I've been okay, morning sickness hasn't been too bad which I'm pleased about."

Dr Tomlin nodded, "Excellent. Well, I have your results from the ultrasound. Would you like to know the gender of your baby."

You looked to Travis, who had his eyes locked on Dr Tomlin, his lips pursed together and head nodding quickly.

"Yes, please."

Dr Tomlin flipped over a page on his clipboard, "You're having a girl."

Your head whipped to face Travis who was frozen, breathing heavily.

"A girl?" His voice croaked.

"We're having a girl!" You shrieked, sitting up on the bed and opening your arms to Travis who immediately rushed over to you to embrace you.

"Congratulations, I'll leave you two alone." Dr Tomlin closed his clipboard and softly closed the door behind him.

You swung your legs around so they dangled off the edge of the bed. Staring up into Travis' eyes, you held onto his hands tightly. He dipped his head and pressed his lips to your small bump, lingering for a few seconds.

"Sienna Kelce, it's your Daddy here."

______________________________________________________________

Your eyes drifted open as the sound of keys jiggling in the lock rose you from your afternoon nap.

"Hey baby! Travis shouted from the front door.

Pulling the blanket up over your chest, you cleared your throat, "Hey!"

"So, coach is absolutely stoked for us, said he's going to get a gift basket sent to us from him and Tammy." Travis' excited voice grew louder as he made his way into the lounge, "And the guys went crazy when I told them. Honestly baby, you should have seen them, my back is killing me from all of the back slaps! Expect a lot of hugs on Sunday's game."

You giggled and stretched in your horizontal position, "That's amazing, baby."

He leaned down and kissed your forehead, "You had a good nap?"

You yawned loudly, "I did! I was just watching TV and the next thing I knew, I was asleep. You want some dinner?"

You started to lift yourself from the couch when Travis held his hand out, "No no, I got it. You keep resting. In two days, we're going to be announcing to everyone that we're bringing a little Kelce into the world, you're going to need your strength."

You shook your head and laid back down on the couch, "I'd better take advantage of all of this rest now while I can! Because in about 5 months, everything is going to change."

Travis placed his warm hands on your bump, moving his thumbs back and forth, "It's going to be so awesome."

You grinned and watched him disappear out of your vision. Craning your neck, you could just see him in the kitchen, examining the contents of the refrigerator. Your heart swelled as you watched his muscular arms grabbing items and setting them down on the counter top. You knew he was going to be a wonderful Father to your daughter; learning to braid her hair, playing with her dolls on the playroom floor, cheering for her at school sport's days and teaching her the rules of football. You imagined how she would look, wondering if she would get her Daddy's piercing eyes or his dark hair.

Suddenly, a short sharp pain shot to your lower stomach area. You gasped a breath and let out a groan, your hand darting to your bump. The pain repeated, but with a more intense sensation this time, causing you to roll over slightly and curve your back. You squeezed your eyes shut, holding your breath as you rode the pain out.

"You want some tea, baby? I got a nice lemon and ginger one at the store yesterday." Travis called out for the kitchen.

You tried to call his name, but the effort to form words was too much. Instead, your managed a guttural cry, causing Travis to rush to your side.

"Babe, what's wrong. Are you okay?" You heard Travis say through your darkened vision, "Look at me, baby, look at me."

You opened your tear-filled eyes to see Travis' concerned expression as he knelt down beside you, "Something hurts, it's really bad."

Travis' eyes glanced down to your bump under the blanket, "Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital." He kissed your forehead and stroked your hair, "It's going to be fine. Let's go, I'll get the keys."

You peeled the blanket back and hauled yourself up, stopping when Travis' face turned white, his eyes wide and his mouth agape.

"What?"

He swallowed hard and stared at the empty space on the couch where you once were. You turned your head to see a large area of the beige couch now marked with dark red. You grasped at your bump again, closing your eyes as you felt another stab of pain.

"No...no, please no." You croaked.

Travis' breathing became shaky as he held your face close to his, your foreheads connecting, "Baby, look at me. Come on, we need to go to the hospital. Please, let's get up." His shoulders began to tremble.

You blinked wildly as tears started to stream down your face, only halted by Travis' thumb running over your cheek. Using your hand, you pushed yourself up onto your feet and felt Travis' strong hands clinging onto you.

"I got you, baby. It's...it's going to be fine, say it."

You took a deep breath and tried to steady the quiver in your voice, "It's going to be fine."

______________________________________________________________

I found this chapter really hard to write. My heart goes out to anyone that has had to experience this and I cannot imagine what it must be like. I really hope I haven't offended or upset anyone with any incorrect details but I researched as much as I could so that this would be written in the most respectful way possible. If anyone wants to be on my Taglist for future writing so they don't miss another one, let me know!

Taglist @rd14 @dandelionwrites8 @keiva1000 @fantasywritersstuff @caelipartem @anacarangel @she-lives-in-her-dreams @kkrenae @kristencochefski1125 @countrygirl120983 @charmed2000 @nouis-bum @cixrosie @delicateearthquakellama @wordsaresimple-imnot @amylouwho9 @queenisa17 @talicat713 @luvvtrent @purecinnamonextract @savaneafricaine @caelipartem @beyxgrande @caitdaniels @ezgirl1108 @vir-tual @lightsoutstyles @macey234 @s294749w @kelcemesoftly @calirindo @livinginmyfantasies @bernelflo @secretmywritingfictionlawyer @killatravtramp

[beaddie]

AMARANTHINE - Dr. STONE

sum☆: "ᵉˡᵉᵍᵃⁿᵗ! "𝙰𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙴 (adj.) undying, immortal, eternally beautifulIn which Stanley Snyder, Xeno Houston Wingfield, and (Y/N) Ambrose were trapped in an unexpected stone world that had been petrified 3,700 years before. However, they were 'infiltrated' by some foreign brats all of a sudden.Of course, they don't give up without a fight, do they?

warnings:. all characters are 18+!!! violence. language. FICTION!! don't like it? scroll away!! first ever post on this app. english is not my first language, so ugh.(Dr. Stone x Reader)(Dr. STONE : New America City Arc) MANGA SPOILER

(CHAPTER 5) Z=153: War game

"C'mon, everyone! Let's evaluate the state of this war, okay?!" Magma exclaimed, a cocky grin plastered across his face as he pointed at himself.

"Here we go—it's prettified Magma again," Yo said, tilting his head in amusement. "But the way you're talking is almost too polite. It's freaking me out."

"Shut your freakin' trap or I'll kill you dead." Magma began, his voice trailing off as he said a suitably threatening retort.

"You showed your true colors in five seconds flat! Try committing to the act a little longer!" Yo responded, feigning surprise.

"No way, cuz I'm out to kill that piece of crap they call Dr. Xeno!" Magma declared, his eyes narrowed in determination.

"We came here for corn, right? And Dr. Xeno's the guy with all the corn. So the quickest solution is to kill that guy! Duh!" Magma said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Then, Magma, eager to enlist Yo and his weapons, started cajoling him into joining the plan to take down Xeno before anything else could happen. Mantle joined in, and eventually, Yo agreed. They were about to run off to shoot Xeno when Nikki stopped them.

"What kind of numbskulls think they can face a machine gun head-on?!" Nikki scolded the trio.

"Yeah, well, we got a superweapon of our own!" Magma shouted back, his voice filled with bravado.

"Too bad theirs has about ten billion percent more power. It'd be another story if this enemy was willing to wait around while we built our own gunpowder factory..." Senku said from the back, carrying a basket.

"Right. Let's evaluate the state of this war," Tsukasa agreed.

Meanwhile, the Perseus crew was gathered around a war table, their kingdom of science war leaders discussing their next move. With the stolen aircraft, they decided to convert the Perseus into an aircraft carrier, just in case the Americans decided to come back with planes. They began the crafting process, improving the plane with features like twisted bamboo wheels. Ryusui had a distinct feeling that by remaining stationary, they were unintentionally assisting the enemy.

"Ha ha! Exactly! If they come at us from above, then so be it!" Ryusui said with a confident smile.

'A dogfight! Aircraft versus aircraft!'

'We're turning the Perseus into an aircraft carrier! All hands on deck for this quick construction project!'

"Wow. We're really building a runway on the deck? Will it actually allow us to fly?" Minami asked the duo, Senku and Ryusui.

"Hmph, an ultra-light airplane... only needs 20 meters to take off," Ryusui said to Senku, discussing the carrier project with glint in his eyes.

"And for landings, we'll use wires to stop the plane by force! Just like on real aircraft carriers," Senku concluded.

Meanwhile, on Dr. Xeno's side.

"<No, they cannot escape. Hence the reason why we deployed the spy plane—to discourage them,>" Xeno said.

Suddenly, a gigantic woman walked past Gen while eating meat.

"<Are we gonna hunt 'em down with the plane and beat 'em into submission? Is that it?>" Maya asked.

Xeno answered, "<These poor youths are too clever for their own good. They'll be wary of such tactics and stay rooted to the spot! But no—I have a solution in mind that's more elegant.>" 

"<Keep them pinned down... and eliminate the enemy scientist,>" Xeno finished, a sinister smile playing on his lips as he glanced back at Maya and Gen.

When Gen heard these words leave Xeno's mouth, he looked at Xeno's back, his face flushed with anxiety.

"<According to our new friend, Mr. Gen, there's a single superhuman science-pro among them. As such, to bring this kiddie kingdom of science crumbling down... we need to only eliminate their leader,>" Xeno said. 

"Dr. Taiju...!" Gen thought, his face shooking in panic.

Gen continued to stare at Xeno anxiously, but...

"<Great idea, brilliant-bay, truly. B-b-but can you pull it off?!>" Gen asked, his voice trembling slightly.

Stanley and (Y/n) were leaning against the door, listening intently.

"<We can,>" (Y/n) confirmed without hesitation.

"<How EXACTLY?!>" Gen asked anxiously again.

(Y/n) glared down at Gen, her eyes narrowed with annoyance. She couldn't believe he was questioning their ability to handle the situation. Her disdain was evident as she took a step closer, her heels clicking against the hard pavement.

"<Ha?>" she scoffed, her voice laced with sarcasm. "<Are you underestimating us? Well, don't waste your time doubting us because simply—>" She paused, her expression turning serious.

Gen shook his head vigorously, his eyes wide with fear as he met the woman's intense gaze. "<N-no! Of course not, Miss (Y/n)! I didn't mean to doubt you. I was just—>" He trailed off, unable to find the right words to justify his earlier skepticism.

Stanley turned to answer, interrupting the two bickering.

"<We. Can.>"

"<Mr. Gen! When Stan and (Y/n) claim they can get the job done, there's no need to question it!>" Xeno said, placing a hand on Gen's head, startling him.

Then, Stanley and (Y/n) hurriedly dashed out the door to carry out their mission.

"<Because, they can,>" Xeno finished.

'I'm... terribly sorry... dear Taiju,' Gen thought, offering a silent apology to Taiju in advance.

Meanwhile, on the Perseus crew...

"We could give up on the corn... abandon Gen, Chrome, and Kohaku, and sail out to sea. That would save us," Hyoga suggested to the crew.

Taiju panicked and shouted, "Like we'd ever do that!"

"Of course not. But the enemy doesn't know that, that's my point," Hyoga replied.

"So we can expect them to attack without delay," Tsukasa added.

"Ku ku ku, where are our manners? Let's not make our hosts do all the work, when we can take the fight to them instead," Senku said, amused.

"A small elite unit. In that case, since Dr. Xeno is the source of their science... then our goal is to capture him!" Tsukasa concluded.

"This unit will include..."

"Tsukasa."

"Hyoga."

"Ukyo."

"Suika."

'Neither side can move its base of operations, neither side can flee. It's a science siege that could turn into a...' Gen thought.

"For one side to win..." Senku said with a terrifying smile, mirroring the one on Xeno's face.

"...It's gonna put the other's leader in checkmate."

'...Kingdom of science versus kingdom of science battle! This fight'll be determined with a breakneck attack!'

As Senku selected Tsukasa, Hyoga, Ukyo, and Suika to venture forth, Stanley and (Y/n) were also making their way through the dense forest, their weapons drawn and ready to confront any threats that might arise. The crisp autumn air was filled with the sounds of rustling leaves and the occasional snap of a twig underfoot, creating a sense of both tranquility and unease.

[pastafossa]

🌊TUNA-TOBER🌊 PROMPT CHALLENGE 2024 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Hello friends! So last month I realized that one of the reasons I'm struggling to get my writing back up to my old speed is I am seriously out of practice since Dec/Jan when shit went down and I stopped writing for a while. After some thought, I decided I was gonna set up a little prompt challenge for myself, just a general, 'here's a prompt a day' thing for about a month. And I tossed this idea out onto my fave Daredevil discord server to see if anyone would want to join. And I'm happy to say there were takers, including some of my favorite writers in the fandom! So I've set up a delicious prompt challenge for all of us, and for anyone else who wants to take part.

For each day in October, there are three prompts: an 🌧️angst/whump prompt🌧️, a 🌻fluff prompt🌻, and a 🔥kink prompt🔥. Participants are free to choose which one of the prompts they want to write or make art of, or they can try to incorporate two, or even all three prompts into a single fic or art piece. They can write a short fic/make art every day, or just on whichever days they feel like (personally I'm going to shoot for one fic a day, but we'll see), or even incorporate those prompts into the chapters of longer fics. There are also four 'backup' prompt options for each category in case anyone hits a day or prompt where they aren't really feeling what's available on the chosen day. If any of these prompts inspire you, you can feel free to take on the Tuna-Tober challenge even if you're not in the server! This challenge is also not fandom-specific (although I have a feeling I'm mostly gonna write Charlie Cox characters, a surprise to precisely zero people, but again, we'll see).

Sometime this week, I'll be setting up a sideblog specifically for Tuna-Tober. That sideblog blog will reblog any Tuna-Tober fics/art or link to those fics that are posted on Ao3 so they'll all be easy to find. That blog will also have instructions for how to tag your Tuna-Tober fics and/or art pieces. If you'd like to be notified when that sideblog is up so you can follow it, let me know in the comments.

Without further ado: our Tuna-Tober prompts!

🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Day 1: Falling Asleep In A Hospital Room ⚜ Reading To Each Other ⚜ Somnophilia

Day 2: “Why? Why do you love me?” ⚜ Flower Crowns ⚜ Mutual Masturbation

Day 3: Broken ⚜ “I feel real when i’m with you.” ⚜ Role Reversal

Day 4: “This isn’t you.” ⚜ “Are you blushing?” ⚜ Sixty-Nine

Day 5: Self-Loathing ⚜ Watergun Fight ⚜ Begging

Day 6: "Shh, I've got you now. I'm here." ⚜ Love Bites ⚜ “Spread your legs for me.”

Day 7: Nightmare ⚜ Honest Apology ⚜ Nothing Underneath

Day 8: Shaking ⚜ “You can sleep here tonight.” ⚜ Overstimulation

Day 9: Anxiety ⚜ “You don’t need to do that.” “I want to.” ⚜ “Open your mouth.”

Day 10: "I'm not good enough." ⚜ A Hug That Lasts A Little Too Long ⚜ Strap-on/Pegging

Day 11: Tears ⚜ “I’d be lost without you.” ⚜ Breast Worship

Day 12: "I did it for you.” ⚜ “You remembered?” ⚜ Deep-Throating

Day 13: Loneliness ⚜ Playful Kiss ⚜ “Beg me for it.”

Day 14: "Please look at me." ⚜ Sleep Talking ⚜ Accidental Stimulation

Day 15: Hiding An Injury ⚜ “Are you jealous?” ⚜ Threesome

Day 16: Exhaustion ⚜ Accidental Kiss ⚜ Against A Window

Day 17: "I'm not leaving you." ⚜ Tickling ⚜ “Touch yourself for me.”

Day 18: Scars ⚜ Pillow Fort ⚜ “I’m so proud of you, you’re taking me so well.”

Day 19: Touch starved ⚜ “I’ll always be there for you.” ⚜ Gags

Day 20: "Who did this to you?" ⚜ There Was Only One Bed ⚜ “You were made for me, weren’t you?”

Day 21: Fainting/Collapsing ⚜ Flustered ⚜ “Was that an order?”

Day 22: "You haven't done anything wrong." ⚜ Breathless Kiss ⚜ Aphrodisiacs

Day 23: Father ⚜ “If you won’t take care of yourself, I will.” ⚜ Toys

Day 24: Drugged ⚜ Drunken Confession ⚜ “Shh, do you want them to hear us?”

Day 25: "What's Wrong?" ⚜ Playing With Their Hair ⚜ “Did I say you could do that?”

Day 26: "You're not fine." ⚜ “Shut up and kiss me.” ⚜ Under The Desk

Day 27: Near Death Experience ⚜ Overheard Confession ⚜ “Let me see what that pretty mouth can do.”

Day 28: Chronic Pain ⚜ Sharing An Umbrella ⚜ Hair Pulling

Day 29: "Talk to me, please." ⚜ Forehead Kiss ⚜ Restraints

Day 30: Healing ⚜ Road Trip ⚜ “Take it off. Slowly.”

Day 31: "Why wasn't I enough?" ⚜ Blanket Hog ⚜ Stockings/Thigh Highs

🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

🌊Tuna-Tober🌊 Backup Prompts:

Bound/Chained ⚜ Moving In Together ⚜ Almost Getting Caught

"Take me instead." ⚜ “I’m in love with you, and that scares me.” ⚜ High Heels

Insomnia ⚜ Adopting A Pet ⚜ Scent Marking

"You're not alone." ⚜ Playing A Game Together ⚜ Ass Worship

🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

How to Build Resilience in Long Fanfic Writing

Sometimes, when a fanfic goes past 20 chapters, people who had been commenting, began to lose interest. Maybe you'll start doubting your skill or whether you "have what it takes" to be a writer, even if you're doing it for fun.

But maybe you see all those beautifully written but unfinished long fics and mourn that they'll never be finished (for the writer's valid reason or another). And you don't want that to happen to yours.

There is also an advantage to completing long fics: you develop the discipline to write original novels which can take far longer.

So if you're in for the long haul and you want to stay steady and true despite whatever popularity your fic may have, here's how to have the resilience to finish it to the end.

(Disclaimer: this is not a reason to stop commenting on fics)

#1 Whatever You Think You're Owed, Let It Go.

Accidentally quoting Elsa aside, I'm talking about comments. Comments validate and can make you learn new things about your fics through other people's eyes.

But when you see a high-to-low ratio between kudos and comments, you may feel like you are owed.

When you push yourself to complete three long chapters and publish them all in the same day and only get one response, it can feel like people are being mean.

The truth is, we'll never know why the people who loved our fics will not talk to you about them.

Maybe they forget there's a person behind the fic.

Maybe they're having a bad day and just want to shut down after reading something enjoyable.

But whatever the case is, it's beyond your control.

This post said it best (shoutout to @radioactive-earthshine) :

"Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don’t comment - even if they say they do, they don’t... Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don’t comment. You just have to accept it.

I'm not saying you force yourself to let it go now. But someday, you will need to let it go, and control what you can which is you.

#2 Put Your Life First Before Your Readers

I have to say this because sometimes writers would have thoughts like "I haven't written for a long time; people must be wondering about it." Nope. Stop. Not worth it.

Creating is fun, but it is also exhausting. Add into the fact that most of us have 8-hour jobs or classes.

The reason you haven't written for a long time is that other aspects of your life deserve your time and energy, too. And after all that, you would be understandably tired.

So put your life first before your readers.

#3 Make Preparations to Replenish Your Soul

Long fanfic writing is energy and time-consuming. But you cannot depend on external validation to make up for it.

External validation in the form of comments can be good because we don't want to imagine it's all in our heads. But seeking it too much leads to what I've read in the book, "Ego is the Enemy":

"If outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you will hunger for the rest of your life."

So before posting a chapter, list down what you can do to replenish your soul after. Treating myself to a cafe one time helped. So is taking walks when the air is cool.

To stop anticipating responses too much, what works for me is to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is when people are less busy. At the same time, when the weekend comes, I don't obsess over it so much and can focus on other aspects of my life or replenish my energy for the next week.

In the commitment to complete a long fic, it's important to be honest with yourself. This is to be transparent with your needs and watch out for any signs of burnout, like feeling sad and tired. If you need to walk away from your fic for a while, then do it.

#3 This is Between You and Your Creation

Yes, fandom should be two-way street. Yes, fandom shouldn't treat fanfics and fan arts like commodity. And yes, there should be interaction and engagement. But before all that, there is this thing between you and your creation first and foremost.

Just as a story has to have a "why", remember why you thought you should write your long fic. Your reason may change over time, but when you remember your "why", you remember your true goal to keep going.

#4 Write like No One is Reading

This is a perk I adapted when I only get two responses if I'm lucky after updating a fic that has more than a hundred subscribers. If people barely react, then you're free to write whatever you please in your story as if you're dancing like no one is watching. Just have fun improving your skills.

This is similar to an inspiring section of the same post that I've found:

"10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists."

#5 Cherish the Rare Friends You Find Along the Way

Sometimes, we get lucky and get something better than a hundred people interacting with our fic -we find a friend we would make in the way of writing the long fic that we dared to write. And they're the ones who would cheer you on and cry and laugh with you about the shared stories. Cherish them.

(dedicated to @lightreader1)

[stargirl-writes]

[chapter three] the secret history of anakin skywalker

common ground

pairing : assasin! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 2.1k

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sypnosis

you have only known one truth about this war, the republic and the seperatists are two sides of the same coin. but now, your master count dooku has disposed of you after your consequent failures. his betrayal fueled your thirst for revenge. and in the cruel twist of fate, you have found yourself with an arrangement with the enemy. general anakin skywalker is willing to do what it takes for the republic to win, even if it meant dealing with you, his nemesis.

chapter summary

a clue tipped by the jedi council leads anakin skywalker back to your cell. now his anger has passed, he wants to clarify the terms of your new alliance.

on the way to nal hutta, anakin skywalker steers the conversation to his fascination over your beliefs— which legitimizes the doubts he's been having about the republic.

warnings : involves spoilers for star wars 'the clone wars' episodes 15-16. i also used some lines from 'tales of the jedi' episodes 3-4, so spoiler warning too?

notes : hi doves! i'm going to try to update every week on wednesdays pst 😄 a lot of talking for this chap but we'll be back to more action on the next one i promise !

likes, comments, reblogs are highly appreciated!

"Remind me again how the Jedi Council tracked Hardeen so quickly?" You asked.

The sniper had been identified. Rako Hardeen. You recalled the name as a bounty hunter Count Dooku had commissioned before.

"I don't know," Anakin Skywalker answers, too casually to have been a lie.

You sigh, realizing that you'll have to trust the Jedi Council's clue, despite your doubts.

Like Skywalker had promised, he appeared in your cell the moment he got a lead.

When he entered— you couldn't help but brace yourself, half-anticipating the voracious Jedi to come swing a lightsaber again. It's hard to shake the feeling entirely when only yesterday, he was so latched with a rage that almost killed you. Even Skywalker acknowledges your reaction. You caught him looking at your hands— as if he was checking if it trembled. Like he was expecting you to be scared.

But in the light, he no longer looked as... volatile. No trace of the unstable warrior, or the angered boy. You allowed yourself to breathe evenly.

You'd never forget what he was, what he's capable of. What he'd been trained to do—what he almost did.

But at this moment, he was... fine.

You tugged your hair back, tying it away from your face. If you were to head at Hardeen, who managed to kill a Jedi, you'd have to assume the role of your reputation, the assassin.

"Nal Hutta, that's where they say he is" Skywalker briefs you.

You nod in comprehension, tucking your hands in your pockets, feeling awkwardly empty without a weapon. You wished you had your satchel, everything you'd need would be neatly prepared in there.

You turn to face the jedi— giving him a long look, wondering whether it would be worth the effort to ask for your saber back.

It would be stupid to go to a fight with nothing.

"If you want to find a low life, you'll have to start at a saloon," You began as casually as you could. "Unfortunately, Nal Hutta isn't really fond of me." You said with a deliberate slowness, just in case he hadn't caught what you were hinting at.

Skywalker crosses his arm— you prayed to every God for a small mercy.

But then he spoke "Lucky for both of us, you're a master at escaping," with his lips curling to the side.

"Though I admire the attempt"

You let out a sigh. "You have to give me a chance to defend myself."

Skywalker's playful grin melts, and your heart thuds, your thoughts reduced to a list of words; dangerous, unstable, full of rage. There was no reasoning as to why the fear persists.

He looks down like he'd find the words on the ground.

"About that," He begins. You recognize the expression on his face as a semblance of shame, or regret, perhaps.

"I'm not going to hurt you." His eyes became intent on yours "So stop looking at me like that," He exhales.

His words made you flinch, you glance awkwardly behind him, unsure what to say.

Skywalker seems to see your reluctance and his jaw clenches. "I was wrong to accuse you, I don't know what came over me, it was like all that anger..." He drifts off.

Your eyes narrow at his hesitation. Maybe he's still not acknowledging the rage he displayed. Maybe he thinks denying it would not bring it to life.

"I overstepped, I won't do that to you again."

He moves towards you— determined to commit to this informal apology. His blue eyes continue to study you, waiting expectantly. You could almost feel his gaze on your skin.

"Alright," you answered.

You wondered if it had been the right thing to say. You could push away your anxieties, for now. Utilizing Anakin Skywalker would prove to be a larger advantage than trying to pursue your revenge alone. Besides, he's already doing this alone. Away from the Jedi Council and the Republic's righteousness.

You pondered on his moral code— you definitely have never seen any Jedi exhibit such greyness. But perhaps your old Master was right when he taught you that you can get any man to do anything— if you convince them it is moral.

You could almost laugh at the irony. You and him were the same— in that manner. Driven by the need for justice.

You for yourself, and he for his fallen Master.

Though the thought of being in the same room as him will always make you uneasy, you'll have to adapt.

Skywalker's gaze softens. "I realize we have to set some terms if we were to work together."

"I'm surprised you thought as much," You couldn't stop the retort from escaping your lips. "My freedom. I told you I want a full pardon"

Skywalker leans his back to the wall behind him.

"But since, apparently, I'm not in Jedi or Republic custody, that is no longer a possibility," You proceeded.

"Clever," He remarks "But not to worry, Wraith, I can take you out. Besides, to their eyes, you're still on the run."

You raised an eyebrow, not quite following what he had planned.

"If somehow, I had found you and theoretically killed you, they'd be off your tail." He says cajolingly.

"That's your brilliant plan?" Your voice raised in disbelief.

"Tentative." He defends, pursing his lips. "Of course, I could still choose to turn you in if things go south."

You sigh. A full pardon will grant you peace outside the war. A fake death is not secure. But then again, you can't just... try to appear as some twisted hero willing to aid the Jedi to atone for all you've committed. It doesn't equate...

"Right,"

"You don't trust me, that's the smartest thing you've done yet, seeing you rarely reason" You didn't back down from spiting.

"But, you'll have to trust my decisions, even when you don't trust me." You named your term.

You waited for him to react, but he only nodded.

"And Dooku. You'll leave him to me" You stated finally.

Anakin Skywalker studies you. You curse the Maker for enabling him to access the force, for allowing him to know the grief that was fuelling you.

Then the silence hung, too prolonged— too tense.

"Now will that be all or should I take a pen to write your long list of demands?" He says light heartedly.

Looking up, you forced a smile. "My weapon would be nice,"

Skywalker smirks "Absolutely not."

A ship waited for the both of you in the hangar.

You tugged on the robe Skywalker gave you to conceal your face. Skywalker did not bother to find one your size, you recognized from the color that it might have been one of his, so the robe hung past your knees and just above your ankles. You can't find the point to complain, as long as it does its job.

The hatch opens and you step inside, the Jedi following closely behind you. Skywalker sits down by the cockpit, starting up the engines. Soon, the ship exits Coruscant's atmosphere and jumps into hyperspace. You sat down to the seat next to him, Nal Hutta is in the outer rim territories, it would take some time.

You could feel Skywalker studying you. He didn't really take shame in staring.

You tried to brush it off, but when you can no longer stand it, you speak up "Something in your mind, Skywalker?"

His lips curl to the side, as if he was amused by how he was irking you. He leans his back against his chair, facing you.

"No, I was only wondering why exactly you aren't welcome in Nal Hutta,"

"It's a long story." You answer.

"It's a long flight, delight me"

You blink, an idea of wanting to jump in outer space instead of enduring his intense gaze crossing your mind. Not satiating his curiosity would just mean he'd keep finding other ways to annoy you.

"It's Huttese territory. Dooku thought assigning bounty hunters is below him, so he sent me to find them. Because the credits are high, they'll compete." That much you could say.

Skywalker tilts his head, "Then what, you didn't meet your end of the deal?"

"No," Your eyebrow raised at his presumption. "I needed to hire who's most competent and I had to filter out the... excess. Think they took it personally."

He huffs a laugh. "Right,"

The silence hung, Skywalker's gaze falls to the interwoven stars zooming past as the ship travels through space.

"It doesn't make sense that Count Dooku would want to kill Obi-Wan. I always thought he somehow had some reservation for Master Qui Gon's Padawan," He ponders.

"Why the sudden need to go so far?" His eyes were painted grief.

You pursed your lips, unsure whether it'll console him to know Dooku is just plain heartless. It felt like it would only add to his anguish.

"My master—" You pause.

"—old Master," You clarified. "does not like appearing weak after a loss, so he'd counter attack to fiend strength."

"So, he really has abandoned you then?" His eyes narrow in focus, registering what you said, perhaps thinking you were the 'loss' Dooku suffered.

"Umbara was a crucial supply route. Millions will go into famine. If he wants the Confederacy to believe in him still, he'd have to find a way to keep their faith." You answered, the images of the fallen city plaguing your mind.

"And his solution is to kill a Jedi?" Skywalker's voice was covered in spite. "I don't understand why you'd want to follow him."

You swallowed, "I fought for the Alliance. Not for Dooku,"

Skywalker shifts in his seat, eyes intent on you. He was so close you could make out the two new scars by the end of his chin. "And what, now you want to appear as some twisted hero by killing your master? Won't that just guarantee the Seperatists will fall?"

His words stung. Your shoulders tense and your fingers grip the insides of your robe.

"You're a soldier, I wish I had your simplistic view," You retorted. "Why do you think so many systems allied themselves with the Confederacy of Independent Systems?" You deflected.

Skywalker does not answer.

"These systems, most of them are not developed enough to have a government. So they do not have someone representing them in the Senate, and when they do, these Senators live lavishly in the Coruscant, corrupting their planets of its resources." You lead on.

"Besides, the Republic only caters for the systems who can afford to have a government. The very reason the movement was even born is because they hoped to reestablish a system that would care for all. That would serve the people of the Republic not the Senate and its senators."

Skywalker's jaw clenches. "Waging a war will not solve the problem."

"Yeah?" You challenged his view, "And I suppose we can trust the Senate to hear us above their own interests?"

Recognizing the subtle manifestation of his doubt, you pressed on "The corruption in the Senate fails the ideals of the Republic it represents, I'm sure you've taken notice"  Your eyes dared him to contradict you, but he looks down.

"And the Alliance will find a way to have someone else lead, it'd be best to, Dooku's strategies are not really helping in communicating the reason for our resistance."

You lean back on your seat, taking a moment to breathe more slowly. You fought for the Alliance, it was something you once believed in.

Maybe, he really thought it was just plain black and white before.

"I still don't think leading with violence is the answer" He makes up his resolve.

You sigh. It would be hard to make a person who grew up sheltered with Jedi ideologies to understand.

It would be easier to accept that the 'Seperatists' Alliance is purely wrought out of wanting to usurp the current Republic, that it is inherently evil. The truth of it being a united movement of people hoping to find salvation from famine, slavery, and death is unsettling. You don't expect Anakin Skywalker to understand; the Maker granted him an excess of obliviousness you wished to have.

"This is a war." You answered plainly, not denying your side's faults.

"Yeah, no kidding."

The board lights up, indicating you were nearing Nal Hutta. Skywalker presses on the controls to take the ship out of hyperspace and soon after, you land on the planet.

Your mind went over Skywalker's hesitance. Perhaps, he wasn't so blind to completely dismiss the Senate's corruption. At least, his sense of justice isn't entirely based on the Republic.

You don't intend to enforce your beliefs to him, only to make him admit to the truth of the hypocrisy of the 'good side' he was fighting for.

And this exchange resonated that he is not entirely closed off to the idea of it.

He's not impersuadable. And for that, you'll go with him.

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[strixcattus]

Trying to get out my full battery of Pristine Cut theories I think are at least pretty realistic (some mine, some not—I don't recall where the ones that aren't mine came from)

(Bold text is edits from shortly after the initial post)

—Fury, Den, and Apotheosis will get significant expansions (pretty sure this one has been implicitly stated by the devs if not explicitly so) —Prisoner, Damsel, and Spectre will all get a unique Chapter III to finish the symmetry of the game —All of the expanded Chapter IIIs will end up with both more options/resolutions and more fleshing out to some of the existing options (feels a given, but I'm trying to be comprehensive here)

FURY —Adversary->Fury will come with even more Voices (Smitten and possibly Cheated would be my guesses) —The "unwinding" sequence will be longer and have more variation/options than the single line we have now —Something surreal is going to happen to the Fury as she unwinds us (based on that one art shared by the devs)

DEN —Expanded "failure" sequences—at the very least choosing the option that wasn't in your plan will be as fleshed out as EotN's "failure" and at most you might get a chance to turn things around —A "freeze" option to bring the whole set forward from the Beast into the Den —This one's more hope than theory but it'd be nice if you got the option to spare the Den if you're on the "fight" path. It'd also be nice if there were more of a sequence to freeing the Den on the "flight" path, but of the two the former seems more likely.

APOTHEOSIS —I'm not sure what to say about this one aside from "your choices have tangible meaning now" —It'd be neat if the Tower chapter got a little more meat that led to multiple ways to reach Apotheosis and thus multiple Voices you could gain from that chapter, but it doesn't seem too likely

PRISONER —Complete the set with Beast and Adversary by having a Chapter III that can be reached with both Stubborn and Hunted, with different storylines depending on which Voice you get —The Prisoner gets to kill you (and how you approach this determines which Voice you get) —I kind of want to see this chapter get brought into the "the blade gives you more options" fold by allowing you the chance to refuse to take the blade, thus locking you onto either chaining yourself up or one variant of the new Chapter III —We're finally going to get a concrete justification for why the Prisoner, despite being one of the more cooperative Princesses, has the same font as the more inhuman/combative Princesses

DAMSEL —I think we're generally in agreement that the "up the stairs" image is probably for the new Chapter III —General consensus also seems to be that either we tell the Damsel to kill us or we insist on staying in the cabin with her forever —I personally favor the former theory since it would explain how we die (to move on to Chapter III) and it would add to the "taking the blade gives you more options" theme —We'll finally get another Chapter III that uses the font shared by the more gentle/human Princesses —Likely Voice candidates for the new chapter would be Contrarian or possibly Skeptic (Contra seems more likely, but I'm keeping an open mind)

SPECTRE —Possibility that the new Chapter III will only be accessible with the blade, though I can't imagine what it would be in that case —Notable that this is the only Chapter II called out by the devs... we might be seeing a significant expansion leading up to the new chapter, or even leading up to another Chapter II resolution —Perhaps there's a change in the sequence after you decide to refuse the Spectre's possession without slaying her or leaving the basement? —My best guess right now as to the lead-in would be that the new chapter stems from slaying yourself while possessed (unlikely since it's already a Chapter II resolution—would lead to gaining either Stubborn or Contrarian) (or Opportunist?) —I'm going back and forth about whether the new chapter might come from choosing to stay in the basement instead of leaving or trying to slay the Princess—I actually wrote and deleted it when initially posting—this would maybe result in Paranoid, Smitten, or Contrarian? —Most likely I think there'll be an entirely new section of the chapter that leads into the new Chapter III —To be honest the one thing I really hope is that somehow Broken shows up—this is the one pairing I really wanted to see since discovering you could mix and match the Voices in Chapter III —Maybe there'll be the possibility that you fail to escape the cabin while possessed? —Somewhere there will be an achievement called The Exorcist II (to go with The Exorcist and The Exorcist III)