#in typical me fashion this ended up being SUPER long which. lol sorry i just got really into it. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

renjunfromthestars · 4 years ago

Text

more than

Pairing: Mark + reader, Bestfriend! Mark, Childhood friend!Mark

Genre: Fluff, angst, honestly a little bit of crack LOL

Song recs: Best friend + Untitled + Waiting Room (Rex Orange County), Sofia (Clario)

Warnings: Mild swearing and mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 7.0k (my longest fic yet, wow!)

Summary: You’ve known Mark for all your life, and it only takes one drunken night (plus a little intervention with Haehcan) to think that you wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little better...

Notes: The fact that I actually had the patience to sit down and to write something above 3k words,,,,absolutely astounding, amazing, unique, never been seen before…. Mark is a little awk and always works so hard (poor bby), so imagining him as a super stressed pre-med major and oblivious best friend absolutely wrecks me thank you goodbye

----

When you first meet Mark, you’re eight years old, and it’s at church. He’s dressed in his Sunday best: a light blue button up, khakis, and shiny dress shoes. He looks stiff as your mother introduces you two, with his shirt buttoned all the way to the collar.

It’s not that you dislike him, but you think he might dislike you, with the way he avoids eye contact, eyes tracing the floor, your shoes—anywhere but your face.

You see panic flash through his eyes when his mom gently pushes him towards you, telling him to take you inside and reserve a spot in the pews while she catches up with your mom.

He shuffles awkwardly, and wordlessly, you follow him into the building.

The pews are almost empty, with the bulk of them being filled in the front by the old people that usually have nothing better to do on their Sunday mornings. Although your local church is on the smaller side, it feels unusually large with rows of empty pews, almost eerie. You shudder at shadows the walls make with the stained glass, and hurry to your usual spot towards the middle.

If Mark notices your apprehension, he doesn’t say anything. He’s oblivious, actually, not noticing your absence until he’s almost at the end of the rows. When you see him stop and search for you frantically, you stifle a laugh.

He eventually finds you, and after shuffling awkwardly between the pews, makes his way to you.

“This is kinda far, isn’t it?” he murmurs.

“Huh?”

“I mean,” he stammers. “I usually sit closer to the front. ”

You peer at him from the side. “You actually want to pay attention?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Well yeah, isn’t that the point?”

“I guess,” you say, looking at the ceiling. With the sprawling arches and patterns, the designs are pretty, you think.

“You should at least try, it’s kinda interesting,” when you turn your head to look at him he turns away. “Only if you want to, of course.” he adds, fidgeting with his hands.

When you tell him that maybe you will, you see him crack a small smile.

It becomes a routine, almost every Sunday, with you and Mark sitting next to each other. Whether it’s closer to the front or the back, it’s a whole debate. You usually give in, because when you walk in, Mark is already waiting for you in the front.

….

“Do you still go to Church?”

You’re laying on a green bean bag in Mark’s dorm room, procrastinating on the midterm paper you were supposed to get started on, well, a week ago.

You think for a second, hand raised to rub your chin, just to tease him. “What’s church?”

“C'mon dude, are you serious?”

“Barely,” you say, standing up to move to sit on his bed. “You should really get a new bean bag, it’s kinda deflated.”

Mark ignoring you, reaches over from his desk to fluff up the bean bag. “It’s because you sit on it so much.”

“Are you calling me fat?” and before he can defend himself you finally answer him, “I stopped going in like, middle school. It would be hard even if I wanted to, to find a whole new congregation, and I’m just busy. Also, it’s so boring, I could cry.”

Mark perks up. “Not if you go with me.”

You groan dramatically, and Mark chuckles.

“Good to know that you haven’t changed since you were eight.”

It’s just your view on church, that hasn’t changed since you were eight. First thing things first, you were 19 now, going on twenty. You’re in University now, your second year. It’s been a blur assignments, partying, coffee and term papers- you don’t have time to think about anything else right now. Except maybe actually starting your paper but-

Mark interrupts you midthought, breaking the silence. “Are you still with that guy?”

“Huh? Who? Yuta?”

“Yeah,” Mark responds sheepishly, avoiding eye contact.

You roll your eyes. “No, we haven’t been together for a while. It wasn’t that important so I forgot to tell you.”

You can tell he's surprised about how unusually calm you are for talking about your first serious breakup, but he doesn’t say anything, instead just scratching the back of his head awkwardly in typical Mark fashion. “He was an asshole anyway,” Mark murmurs.

“What did you say?” you ask, acting shocked. “Mark Lee? Talking shit?”

Mark, embarrassed, refuses to repeat it.

“I’m just saying, he wasn’t the right person for you.” he protests.

“As opposed to who? God himself?”

“I can think of a few,” he sighs, but you aren’t paying attention, instead laughing your ass off on his bed.

“You’re insufferable,” he says, standing up to open the door. “C’mon let’s go, I’m hungry. I know you’re not starting that paper anytime soon.”

…

It’s a routine, seeing Mark on Monday afternoons for lunch. Not Friday, because you were busy getting wasted, and consequently not Saturday, because you were too hungover. Not Sunday, because Mark had church, and you, well, were busy praying to God that you would be able to finish all the work you’d neglected over the weekend as a result.

“I still don’t understand why you choose the worst day of the week for this,” you say over your Kale caesar salad, pushing the leaves around aggressively. The University had a lot of healthy options, which you were grateful for. Grateful for you were not, were for the student loans you had to pay off every month, the exorbitant amount you partially owed to all the local and expensive organic produce the meal plan featured for the sake of being sustainable and health conscious.You could really give a rat’s ass about whether your salad was organic or not; if your weekends said anything about you, no amount of kale could help you (or your liver).

“It wasn’t really up to me,” Mark points out. “Maybe if you weren’t too busy being-”

“Ta ta ta,” you tsk, waving a finger around. “I, unlike you, actually have a social life.”

Mark frowns. “I have a social life.”

Mark definitely had a social life. He was popular, even. As popular as you can be, being a preoccupied Pre-med with perfect grades. Mark is likeable. It’s not like he doesn’t have the opportunity to go on weekends if wanted to, he just chooses not to, deciding to slave away at biological functions, orbitals, and lab results instead. Even now, as he takes his glasses off to clean them, you notice the imprint they leave on his face from how long they’ve been sitting on his face, and doesn’t take you long to find the dark circles that grace the skin under his eyes: he’s exhausted.

You frown too. “You should really get out more Mark. You seem stressed.”

Mark gives you a small smile after putting his glasses back on, and then resumes typing on his laptop. “I don’t know how going out would make me less stressed,” he says, distracted. “I would only be more stressed, knowing the work I have to do.”

“Yeah, but you're pretty organized.” You point your fork at him accusingly, kale falling to the side. “Don’t you usually finish things early too?”

“Yeah, I do.” he admits, and before you can press onwards you’re interrupted by a girl you recognize to be his lab partner.

Goggles in hand, you can see the marks they leave around her eye area, but she’s somehow still annoyingly beautiful, with her glossy straight hair and long eyelashes, but that’s not why you dislike her. She might be the most stuck up girl you’ve ever met.

“Did you do the calculations yet?” she says, turning to Mark. ignoring you. It’s only when you cough in your seat that she turns to you. “And hello, (y/n).” An afterthought.

“Hello Yebin,” You give her a wry smile. “How's the lab?”

“The usual.” she glances at Mark, who seems to be doing some finishing touches on said calculations. “How’s Chem 2?”

Boy, does she really grind your gears.

“It was fine, I actually placed out because I took it in high school.” Not to mention, it was a class for freshmen, and you were in fact, now a sophomore.

Before she can say anything back, Mark claps his hands in celebration. “Done! Sorry it took me so long, I just had to double check some things.”

“It’s no problem,” and with the way her voice drips with a sickly sweetness, you want to gag. It’s so painfully obvious. “Are you still down for tomorrow?”

Poor Mark, always oblivious, stops typing on his laptop and looks up in confusion. “Huh?”

You silently laugh at the expression Yebin makes when she realizes Mark has no idea what she’s talking about. “For our study session? The MCAT is just months away.”she reminds him.

Mark remembers. “Oh yeah, about that, I was thinking we could also invite-”

“Great!” she chirps, “See you tomorrow!” and with a flash of her white lab coat, she's gone.

Mark scratches the back of his head. “I guess she had somewhere to be.”

You roll your eyes for what it seems like the 100th time this week, anymore and they might be permanently stuck to the back of your head. “She definitely likes you.”

“Who? Yebin? No way.”

“Yes, Yebin, and yes way.” You fling a walnut from your salad over to his side, and he cringes.

“What is your problem?” he grumbles, and resumes typing on his laptop.

You drop the subject, because you know any talk on girls is completely lost on him. As you set aside your salad, you peer over at Mark, palm supporting your face. He’s focused, eyebrows slightly furrowed, with his lips mouthing over silently whatever science journal he was reading on his computer screen.

Mark has always been good looking, you think. You don’t know why you’ve never really noticed it before. His nose bridge gently slopes over his face, and his jawline is sharp, having lost his baby cheeks years ago. He works out often too, although he barely talks about it (maybe out of fear you’d tease him for being a gym bro). And with the way he’s so adorably awkward, It’s no surprise really, that every girl friend that you’ve met of his seems to be completely smitten.

Shaking your head, you snap out of it. It’s dangerous to think of Mark that way, you think. You’ve known him too long.

“My problem? I think you’re the one with the problem here. I’m surprised your hair isn't completely gray by now.”

Mark ignores you, probably mad at the fact you tried to start world food war three with him with a walnut.

“Hey.” you flick at his forehead to get his attention, and he flinches.

“There’s a party this weekend at Johnny’s fraternity, you should come.” Johnny, being both your long time mutual friend (who’s demeanor is way too nice to fit the stereotypical frat boy image, really) who has since stopped asking Mark out of respect for his “med school grind”.

“I’m already planning on it,” he responds, and you’re surprised.

“Since when do you actually accept party invitations?”

“Since yesterday, because I’m tired of Haechan bothering me about it.”

You silently cheer, of course, you expect nothing else from Haechan.

…

“I never knew it was so hard to get booze.”

“It’s not hard if you’re 21.”

Scoffing, you turn your head to face the boy across from you. As if he can feel the burn of your gaze on his forehead, Haechan stops typing on his Macbook and lifts his eyes to meet yours.

“No shit Sherlock, but last time I checked, we both weren’t 21.”

The sun had set a half an hour ago, and despite having spent the whole afternoon together, you and Haechan have had yet to come up with a way to secure the drinks you promised your friends for tonight’s pregame. With both of you being certified schemers representing your respective friends, you guess it wasn’t that big of surprise that the responsibility was left on both your shoulders. It beat scavenging alone, and spending time with Haechan wasn’t so bad either, when you two weren’t trying to kill each other.

It was already late, and Haechan had deemed Ubering to the nearest packer store that sold Soju (the sweet sweet liquid of choice) was too much work. You on the other hand, had dismissed that option for a completely different reason. The issue in question was the flimsy, borderline pathetic excuse for a fake ID Haechan planned to use at the packer store.

“Hey it works!” he protested. “You just act like you’re already legal and they don’t even card you. Easy.”

You roll your eyes as Haechan theatrically reenacts his last trip to the packer store.

“I asked him how he was doing, and he told me school sucks. I say to him, ‘Tell me about it, thank god this is my last year!” and as if to emphasize his next point, he flicks his wrist in the air, ID snuggled between his index and middle finger. “And I was on my way. No issue at all.”

“That’s because he didn’t even see your fake I.D stupid. He would’ve called you out on your bullshit in an instant.”

Out of all the different options available, you could not fathom why he chose his fake ID to show that from all the places in this world, he was from freaking Hong Kong. There were fifty states to choose from, other English speaking countries, and he chose to pose as an international student on a student visa. He could most definitely look the part, but after looking at the ID he proudly slaps on the common room lounge desk, you deadpan. The yellowish tint to the card was way too suspicious to be taken seriously.

“I wish we could just ask Mark,” you sigh, and Haechan looks at you like you’re stupid.

“He’s 20, ya dimwit.”

“I know, that’s why I said I wish. You have serious hearing problems.”

Haechan stops typing on his laptop to shoot you an especially heated glare, and you’re reminded again why he’s #2 on your fight list, right above Yebin. First place was taken by the girl you almost actually fought at that one University party a town over, wherever she is you hope she’s having a terrible day.

“If it were not for the rules of this land, you’d be dead right now Haechan.”

Haechan places his head in his palms, and flutters his eyelashes disgustingly.

“But you love me.”

“Yes, as much as Mark loves social events. Speaking of Mark, how on earth did you get him to leave his cave?”

“It didn’t take much,” and before you can call him out for lying, he shushes you.

“Okay, maybe a few days of nonstop begging.” Haechan says as his eyes dart across the laptop screen. You raise your eyebrow. “And I might have threatened to release pictures from the photoshoot his mom made him take when he was younger.”

“I expected nothing less from your evil, evil, mind.”

He scoffs. “Hardly. Just resourceful.”

Resourceful he is, because Haechan is the one who ends up finding a plug for the alcohol that night.

…

A can of four loko, a bottle of soju, and a few shots later, you should be hammered, wasted even. But after 14 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days into college, your tolerance is pretty high, so you’re really just plain drunk. Even so, you’re a little messy (no surprise). You’re not in a state to be trusted with any errands, so you don’t understand why Haechan asks you to pick up Mark along the way to Johnny’s fraternity.

“Why do I have to do it?” you whine, putting your hand over your forehead, and Haechan only laughs at your dramatic display of despair.

“Because Johnny messaged me that Mark isn’t there, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting him flake on me this time. ”

You point a finger at him, and he stifles a snort when you’re off by a couple inches. “Letting him flake on me, me, me as in you! It’s not my problem.”

But there’s no use in arguing with Haechan, and you know it. That’s why you find yourself stomping your way up the second floor of Mark’s dormitory like you’re in elementary school again, having just been scolded by your mom and being forced back into your room.

You knock at his door impatiently, and it feels like forever until you hear some shuffling, and see the door knob twist open. To be honest, it’s probably just a few seconds, but time is different when you’re intoxicated.

Before you even see him, it smells faintly of shampoo and detergent, so you’re not surprised when he opens the door and you see his hair is still half wet from the shower. He’s definitely party ready, and when you mean party ready, he’s wearing the same loose black tee and grey joggers he wears to sleep. His socks don’t match and you try not to laugh, because it would be a bad look for you, to show up intoxicated, and apparently crazy.

“Oh (y/n), what are you doing here? Oh shit is today Friday? I totally forgot, Haechan is going to kill me-'' He looks at you and then pauses, scrunching up his nose. “Have you been drinking?”

“No.” you say sarcastically, but it definitely falls short of Mark because he looks at you like he does not believe you. Good, because he shouldn’t.

He sighs, and ushers you in his room. It’s dark, with the only light emitting from the little steel lamp on his desk, which is covered with his notes, pencils, a textbook, and some highlighters. When you finally make your way to his bed (with difficulty) he sighs again, and you silently scold yourself for having that mini drinking contest with Haechan. If you thought you could handle your alcohol well, Haechan was an absolute monster.

You nearly screech when Mark flashes a mini flashlight in your face, and he tells you to calm down before someone thinks he’s committing murder. He holds your face still with his index finger resting on your cheek and his thumb lifting your chin. You try your best not to squint when he tells you to, instead focusing on his face. He’s so close, you can feel his warm breath on your face. If you weren’t already so flushed from drinking, you suspect you’d look beet red now.

“Well, your pupils still dilate normally, so I don’t think you have alcohol poisoning-”

The world is moving a little, so you plop backwards on his bed— albeit a little harder than expected because he rushes over to you and looks concerned.

“-but I don’t think that’s the problem here.” he finishes.

Your eyes are closed, mainly because his bed is really comfy. “I’m here to pick you up.” and as if to emphasize your point, you wildly start pointing in all directions, hoping it would land on him.

You open your eyes when you feel him grab your finger and turn it thirty degrees to the left, just stopping at his chest. Your sense of direction must be really bad, because it turns out you were pointing at nothing.

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere for awhile”

“Noooooo” you wail, and Mark lets go of your hand to sit back down on his desk, and unsurprisingly, begins reading his textbook again. How he is able to focus with you in the background, you don’t know, but it must have taken years of practice.

At this point, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You shove yourself off the bed and grab his arms from behind him. His roller chair scoots a few inches before he stops it.

“You’re not exactly making great case for yourself here”

“Stop making excuses!”

You aim straight towards the armpits, and you’re confused at the lack of reaction, so you reach over to squeeze his knee. Almost immediately, he crumples over, almost falling off the chair.

“Can you-” he says mid laugh, “please” he gasps, “Stop that!”

You respond by attacking his other knee, and it’s over. He falls off his chair and you go down with him. The difference is that he recovers quickly, and starts tickling you back in revenge.

You’re sensitive, so it feels like you’re dying. You try to use his arm as leverage to push yourself up, but next thing you know he’s toppeling over you. You close your eyes and wait for your head to kiss the cold hard floor but it never comes, because Mark's hand cradles your head, breaking the fall.

When you open your eyes, he’s closer than ever before, noses touching. Lips a mere centimetres away and in a weird embrace, you resist the urge to close the distance.

Mark has always been good looking, especially now, so close to you. You don’t know why you’ve never noticed it before.

When he pulls away he’s flustered, and for the first time, so are you.

It’s an awkward silence, with you still on the floor as he stands up, rubbing the dusk from his knees. He scratches the back of his head and offers you a hand

“Let’s head out,” he says.

“Yeah, let’s.” you echo.

…

Although Haechan berates you for being more than a little late to the party, he’s overjoyed that you somehow managed to show up with Mark. Not that he didn’t have faith in you anyways, he tells you. It’s just that Mark is married to his Biology textbook, and she runs a tight ship. By the time you reached the frat with Mark, you’ve sobered up enough to enjoy yourself normally,

It’s when you wake up in the morning, that you’re not okay. It’s not okay, because you dreamt of Mark, and that’s weird, because you and Mark were just friends, right? And you always will be.

It’s not a big deal because friends dream of friends. Dreams are a product of your own desires environment, you tell yourself, it’s perfectly normal because you spend so much time with him.

What is not normal, is when you see Mark the following Monday, and are worried about it. You’re nervous the whole time, and it gets worse when you slide the little watermelon filled tupperware container across the table in apology for last Friday. He likes his watermelon cut up into little cubes, you remembered (why do you remember?), and you avoid his eyes, pushing a stray piece of hair behind your face.

Mark, oblivious as usual, doesn’t really notice anything until 10 minutes in, as if your lack of rambling surprises him. Munching on the cubes, he asks if you’re okay.

“Yeah, I am.”

No you are not. You are utterly fucked.

…

“But you need to promise me you won’t judge or make fun of me for it”

“Just say it already, Jesus.”

“It’s just so embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, are you in love with me?”

“No!”

When placing your hands in your face, Haechan grants mercy on you, patting you on the back instead of teasing you further.

“I don’t know what else could be so important that you need to talk to me in person. Unless…. it’s about Mark?”

His hands stop soothingly rubbing your back and instead starts slapping it, waiting for you to laugh along with him. When he doesn’t get a response he gasps. Turning his head sideways to face you, he pries your fingers apart.

“No fucking way.”

“Right?” you moan.

“I was just joking, but I can’t say I didn’t expect it.”

You remove your hands from your face and look at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Like, you’ve known each other forever. You spend a lot of time together too. Someone was bound to catch feelings eventually.”

You don’t respond, instead choosing to sulk.

“You know I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re the loser in this situation.”

Right he is, because you’ve been avoiding Mark for the past few weeks like the plague. You’ve told him that you’ve been busy with your final term paper (you’re not, you’re an engineering major why would you have one?), and although he was a little confused, he was probably also a little thankful because the MCAT was only a month away.

As you tell him about your plight, Haechan listens thoughtfully, “mhming” and “ahh-ing” at all the right places.

“I don’t see how ignoring him helps you at all. I would say to just talk to him about it, but it’s Mark, he probably hasn’t thought about you that way at all.”

“Thanks,” you grumble. “So I’m basically one of the boys.”

“No really, mans might as well be the anemone from Nemo, I’ve never seen him interested in anyone.” Haechan sighs. “This is a tough one.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something, but I might have to get creative.”

“I’d like to see you try Hyuck.”

…

It’s 9pm Sunday night, and there’s a knock on your door. It’s strange you think, because it’s a Sunday, and it’s a little late to be doing anything.

When you open the door, there he is, Mark Lee in all his 5’9’ glory, with a little bag in hand, in it your favorite milk tea.

“It’s Sunday.” you say, intelligently.

Mark just chuckles. “Yes it is, and your point?”

You step aside so he can walk in, and you’re embarrassed at your current state. For once, you’ve finished your assignments early, so you’ve spent the past four hours in your pajamas watching K-dramas and snacking on honey chips. You must look like a bum.

Mark on the other hand, always looks good, even in some old dress slacks, and an old t-shirt with some holes in it. He smells faintly of antiseptic, so he must have just come from a volunteering shift at the hospital.

“It’s nice of you to drop by,” you poke the straw into the bubble tea. “And thank you for the bubble tea.”

“You’ve been busy recently so I figured you’d need it for the caffeine content, but it’s not like you sleep anyway.” he jokes. “How’s the term paper going?”

“The term paper? Oh right, the term paper. It’s alright,” you lie. “Just a couple of pages left. Beats having to take the MCAT though.”

Mark looks tired, with his hair slightly overgrown and his dark circles hallower than usual. You feel bad—he has a habit of overworking himself; you’re usually there to check on him but lately you haven’t, and he’s kind and thoughtfull enough to bring you something because he thinks you’re stressed.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Mark takes a seat next to you on your bed, head hitting the wall with a soft thump. “It’s going to be all over next week though, I can’t wait. I’ve missed you though.”

Busy silently cursing at yourself for the way your heart flutters at his admission, you forget to respond. Mark frowns, places his hand on your thigh in an attempt to soothe you, and it has the opposite effect—you think you might go into cardiac arrest.

“Is something wrong?”

“N-no.” you stammer. “Just stressed. ”

Mark makes things worse by leaning in closer, gently placing the back of his hand on your forehead. “You’re kinda hot.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, like I think you may be running a fever.”

He hops off the bed, and rummages around in his little black bag, and pulls out a thermometer. He places a little sleeve on the end, and motions for you to open your mouth. When it beeps, he takes it out of your mouth and looks at the result.

“Your temperature is fine, but you should rest. I’ll see you soon okay?” He pats your head. “Take it easy, I know you’ll do great.”

…

You might not have a term paper, but what you do have is a physics final.

The desk area is littered with eraser dust, crumpled paper, and half filled styrofoam cups of coffee that have since gotten stale. You swear to god that Physics was a subject meant to torture, not enrich the lives of college students. At this rate, you were seriously debating dropping out to become a stripper.

Haechan, not sensing your dismay, disrupts your plans to drop out by telling you something that puts a damper on the rest of your day, as if Physics wasn’t doing that already.

“Have you noticed that Mark’s been hanging out a lot with that one girl lately? What’s her name? So-bin, Yee-ben, Ben 10, ”

“Yebin,” you snap. “And don’t ever disrespect Ben 10 like that again. ”

Haechan lifts his hands up, “ I agree she’s a total bitch, but man is she hot.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better, not worse?”

Haechan’s face softens and for once in his life, looks a little sorry. “All I’m saying is if you don’t do something soon, someone might do it for you. I overheard her saying something about her and Mark going to spring fling together.”

He’s not wrong, but Mark, at Spring fling? At a Darty? Willingly? His idea of a good time was studying.

“You’re kidding,” you scoff. “As if he’d be caught dead at something like that.”

“I don’t know (y/n). He doesn’t really have much else to do now that the MCAT is over.”

Right, the MCAT. He took it last week. You mentally slap yourself for not asking how it went.

“Speak of the devil.” Haechan says quietly, motioning behind you.

There she is through the glass, Yebin, pulling a seat next to Mark, not before sneaking up behind him and planting a fat kiss right on his cheek.

…

Maybe if this were a movie, you’d cry all weekend and he’d make it up to you; But this is real life, so you secretly cry for a week and sulk for the rest of the month, blaming your puffy eyes on seasonal allergies (In real life, Mark can’t make it up to you because he did nothing wrong. He’s also not even aware that you like him, but that’s besides the point).

Despite Haechan’s attempt to convince you that it could’ve been just a friendly kiss, a greeting kiss, a whatever kiss, you insist that you’re done with your little crush, that it had shriveled up and died. Although not so convinced, Haechan drops the subject all together and instead resorts to comforting you in his own way, which mainly just consists of making fun of you about other things.

Mark is a touchy subject, and you’re still avoiding him. Why? You don’t really know. You know it’s not fair to Mark, who is probably very hurt and confused at your lack of communication. Nonetheless, he doesn’t question it, and is so infuriatingly mature with his emotions that you suspect that he even respects it, because he stops texting you after a while.

You feel bad about stonewalling him, leaving him in the dark, but really, what would you say to him?

“Sorry-I-haven’t-been-talking-to-you-it’s-just-that-I’m-in-love-with-you-and-I’m-butthurt-that-you-have-a-girlfriend-of-course-it’s-not-really-your-fault-but-”

You shudder at the thought, because it’s just plain embarrassing.

But really, you’re not the best at expressing your emotions—you’ve never been. Frankly, you’re tired of expressing your emotions because it never got you anywhere. Not with your mom, not with your dad, and definitely not with Yuta, who you dated for a year and half a year just to dump you like you were nothing.

It’s not worth it, to put your emotions on the line for anyone, not anymore. You locked your heart away a long time ago, and you were a fool to let it come out last time, and you like to think you learn from your mistakes.

At least, that’s what you think, until you return home one Sunday night from the library and see a little cup of your favorite milk tea at the door, with a straw neatly balanced on the top.

…

When spring fling rolls around, you still haven’t spoken to Mark, and if your friends catch on, they don't mention it. They know by now that you prefer to deal with things alone, to digest them for what they are and then promptly moving on—you know, like processing a death.

It doesn’t really matter, you think. You and Mark have always been friends, and will always be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And when you get over yourself, things will be fine.

But really, how can it be fine when your whole world stops every time Mark looks at you?

You try not to dwell on it, even now weeks later. You’re busy getting ready to go out, blotting your lipstick on some tissue paper in your friend Yuna’s bathroom.

“(y/n), you look amazing.”

When you turn to look at yourself in the mirror she’s right; The mascara you put on your lashes really brings out the color of your eyes, and your skin (thanks to Yuna’s highlighter compact) is literally glowing. You feel really pretty.

You turn to smile at her. “Thanks to you.” you tell her, and she gets bashful, pushing you out of the seat and ushering you out the door. You make it down stairs no problem, but she calls you as soon as you walk out the door.

“Yes, I have blotting papers with me, and no, I am not dating Haechan I’ve told you thousands of times-”

“What about me?”

You turn around to find Haechan leaning against the dormitory wall, already waiting.

Embarrassed, you tell her you need to go and hang up the phone.

“How long have you been standing here? Hopefully not too long.” You apologize, but he assures you it’s all right.

“Are you sure your friends are fine with you leaving them early to go with me?”

“Yes Haechan, they’re just happy that I have someone to go with.” you sigh. “Almost too happy.”

He laughs, after looking at you, he pauses. “You look nice.”

“You do too, Hyuck.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would say he seems embarrassed at your compliment.

When you walk into the venue, you’re not surprised at how spacious it is. You’re used to your school going all out, from the kale salads and now, spring fling. They might as well call it spring semi-formal, because everyone is dressed their best.

You see Johnny at the end of the punch table, and he waves, motioning for you two to join him.

“And my favorite couple,” he greets you two, and you almost smack him upside down the head.

“Relax, I’m just kidding.” and he leans in for a hug. “How are you (y/n), I haven’t seen you in a second.”

“I’m good, just been super busy. You were so right, Professor Kim has been really keeping me on my toes in Physics 430,” you laugh. “Every time I walk into the classroom I can feel my life flash through my very eyes.”

He laughs, and you all laugh with him. Johnny tends to have that kind of effect on people.

“How’s Mark?” he asks, and you cringe. “It’s been a while.”

You laugh nervously “ I haven’t seen him in a while either.”

“Oh really. Don’t you see each other every week?”

“Well we used to,” you panic. “Just not anymore because, you know, I-”

“Because you’ve been so busy,” Haechan finishes.

Johnny gives you two a strange look but continues talking anyway.

“Well that’s life. Poor boy’s been studying for the MCAT like his rent is due tomorrow.”

“More like everyday.” Haechan snickers.

Johnny doesn’t hesitate to flame Haechan for his insolence, and begins teasing him for almost failing Calc II (Calc II was kind of hard you admit but that is an admission that will die with you), meanwhile, you’re whisked away by Yuna and her entourage. You glance at Johnny and Haechan, who bid you farewell with a nod of their heads.

It’s fun, you’re having a great time dancing, and eating mini hot dogs on a toothpick (you guess your university had to cut corners somewhere). When Roxanne plays, you and Yuna go wild, nearly knocking over a waiter over with a silver tray. You have so much fun, that you forget that Mark Lee exists until you make eye contact across the floor.

It's no surprise that he’s with Yebin, who looks annoyingly prettier than usual, with her makeup all done and satin dress. She’s pulling him in the opposite direction, but Mark seems to pay no mind, instead staying in place, looking at you. A moment passes, and you see him excusing himself. When he begins to head your direction. You panic.

Before you can even react, you feel an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you close. When you finally turn to see who it is, you’re nose to nose with none other than Haechan.

“What are you doing?”

“Just go along with it,” Haechan whispers through his teeth. Your hands are pressed against his chest, and he grabs one of your arms, placing it around his neck.

“Go along with what? Have you lost your mind-”

Before you can finish your sentence, his lips press against yours and your mind goes blank. He tastes like peppermint and aftershave, with his lips soft in the center and just a little chapped around the edges.

When you two finally part, Mark is nowhere to be found, and you don’t know how to feel.

“Haechan I-” you stammer. “I need to go.”

You hurry off, and he doesn’t follow you.

…

When you’re outside, it’s cold; the air is brisk and definitely doesn’t help steady your breathing, it only makes it harder. It’s a lot to process, Mark, Yebin, Haechan. It’s a lot, and you feel like you’re in emotional overdrive, with all the feelings you’ve been trying to keep in for the past few months coming back to bite you.

You sit down at the edge of the fountain outside the venue, and you nearly get soaked. It misses you by mere inches, with the ceramic fish looking at you almost mockingly. You don’t care, with all the thoughts running through your head right now, you think you might go insane.

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there at the fountain when you feel something wrap around you, warm like it was just taken out of the dryer. It smells familiar, like cologne and faintly of antiseptic—it smells like Mark.

You don’t look at him when he sits down next to you, legs open, hands crossed. And he doesn’t look at you. It’s radio silent.

“So you and Haechan, huh.”

“So you and Yebin.” you echo.

Mark looks at you for the first time, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh that.” He shuffles awkwardly. “I don’t really like her like that.”

Your head raises in surprise, and you face each other for the first time in months.

“I thought you guys had a thing.”

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Well we do, but it’s just in her head” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. “She came onto me last week, so I finally set things straight.” Noticing your reaction, he just shakes his head.

“I don’t think it worked though,” he adds.

“I would think, you’ve always been too nice for your own good.”

“I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings, you know?” he murmurs. “I feel terrible.”

“You’re not a terrible person just because you don’t like someone back.”

“Maybe not, but I believe not wanting you and Haechan to be together does.”

It takes a moment for his words to register within you, and even after you process them, you’re not sure what to say.

“We don’t like each other like that.” you interrupt him.

Mark looks visibly confused. “Then you and Haechan aren’t??” his voice falters.

“No more than you and Yebin. I promise you it’s not what it seems like.” you tell him and it finally clicks. You’d have to thank the idiot later. Right after you slap him.

Mark doesn’t question it, not even when you start crying. You don’t question it either, unsure of why you’re crying.

“You’re so stupid,” you sniffle. “I’ve liked you for so fucking long.”

Mark pulls out his pocket square to gently wipe the tears from your face, and places his hand on top of yours.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? You could have just said something.” his says softly

“I didn’t want to ruin anything. We’ve always just been friends.”

“I think we’ve always been just more than that.” he says, leaning in, hands cup your face gently.

“Just took some of us a little longer to realize.”

....

“That was very nice of you,” Johnny says.

“Yeah. Very nice.” Haechan echos.

“How long has it been, that you’ve liked her for? Three years?”

“Two going on three.”

Johnny lets out a low whistle, and looks down at the younger boy worriedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Haechan glances at you and Mark through the glass, outside the venue. With Mark whispering in your ear and you laughing, you seem so happy; happier than you’ve ever been with him.

“Yeah, I am. More than okay.”

345 notes · View notes

amphtaminedreams · 4 years ago

Text

I Shopped at YesStyle So You Don’t Have To: Lookbook no.10

Hi to anyone reading,

And welcome to what I guess is my first “review” post of sorts! Which is basically an excuse for me to rave about Korean street style and ask why the fuck Seoul fashion week isn’t more of a big deal!? Though I’ve pretty much quit fast fashion over the last few months and have been getting my clothes from Depop, I did want to talk about the website YesStyle which I ordered from back in May (jfc, the fact that May was almost 4 months ago now is terrifying) and how impressed I was with their service and the clothes I received. It should go without saying from the fact that investing in someone with about 200 followers on here wouldn’t be a very good financial decision, but this isn’t a sponsored post-I just think that if you’re gonna order from anywhere, YesStyle is a good shout for those of you who, like myself, are inspired by East Asian street style. I have to give credit to the incredible Katie O, otherwise known as StealTheSpotlight on Youtube and Instagram; she’s the medium through which I’ve been introduced to the world of “k-fashion” and YesStyle in the first place. Yes, my current knowledge of k-pop doesn’t extend far past fan tendencies to flood every popular tweet with fancams of their favourite singers and girl groups (I admire the dedication), but through Katie’s content and Instagram accounts like TokyoFashion on Instagram, I have come to the conclusion that the stylists behind these groups and Asian designers in general are owed a huge amount of credit by Western trend forecasters. If you have any Instagram account or blog recommendations with similar content please let me know! For now, I’m gonna give a run down of the pieces I ordered (most of which are still available), prices and sizing, and also a bit focussing on ethical concerns and what I could find out about their practices from my research.

DISCLAIMER: The photos used as backgrounds are mine. Yes, I’m in mourning over the fact that this time last year I was inter-railing, in case the ham-fisted insertion of touristy pics didn’t make that obvious. Remember when we could leave the country? When it didn’t feel like the world was ending? When everything didn’t seem to be going to absolute shit all at once? When there was a glimmer of hope that we wouldn’t spend the next 4 years being governed by the Conservatives here in Britain? Simpler times :-)

The Pieces

1. The Alizio V-Neck Camisole Top in White: £4.97, Size M

So, what you’re gonna get from the off here is that YesStyle’s prices seem ridiculously cheap, which is something I’ll address in the ethics section at the end of the post. For £4.97, you’d expect an ill-fitting SheIn/Zaful style number but I was so impressed by how flattering this top actually is. I was a size 8 and 32C for reference and my only complaint is that because the neckline has a slight plunge, it was a little awkward to wear with a t-shirt bra. You know, unless you’re into that cups poking out of the top kinda vibe that was a rite of passage for all British teenage girls going through puberty back in, like, 2009 when you wanted everyone to know you’d been on your first bra shopping trip to M&Co with your mum at the weekend.

2. The Rhames High-Waist Plaid Mini Skirt in Purple: £9.12, Size M

Clueless being as iconic as it is, a plaid mini skirt is always going to be timeless and I know this is a piece I’m gonna be basing outfits around for a long time. It fit perfectly and is surprisingly good quality material; I was kind of expecting it to come in that super thin, semi-see through jersey that you get when you order from a lot of UK fast fashion sites, but a recurring feature of the clothes I picked out was that they were such good quality for the price and exactly as they appear online. I’ve found in the past that UK sites are deceptively canny with lighting and angles in that when the garment actually arrives (Boohoo in particular is a repeat offender in this regard) it’s a lot frumpier than it looks on the model. It seems to be common practice to pin back and temporarily alter the clothes during photoshoots to give the illusion that they’re a lot more fitted and structured than they actually are which ultimately just leads to disappointment when you try on the supposedly bodycon dress and resemble a sack of potatoes. Been there, done that. I worship the ground all carbs walk on but I don’t want to look like them. Should go without saying really. It’s nothing to do with size, but it’s just crappy tailoring and cutting corners on the brand’s part and that’s what irks me. I really appreciate that YesStyle has photos of “regular” people just wearing the clothes out rather than the outcomes of these overly edited, studio lit shoots that aren’t necessarily the most representative of how the garment is gonna look irl.

3. Nikiki Garter Belt: £5.59, One Size

As comfortable as garters come, I guess? I don’t have much experience with them tbh, lol. 2021 to do list, if we make it out of 2020 alive: try more garters.

4. Lucuna Floral Embroidered Cropped Cardigan in Almond: £15.61, One Size

Don’t get me wrong, this cardigan is adorable and there’s nothing misleading about the photo on the website. What I will say is that considering it only comes in one size, it’s pretty tight on the arms. I’m a size 6 right now and it’s really not like I’m ripped or anything (lol) so it’s safe to say that in terms of the Lucuna brand, their sizes come up very small. The cardigan wasn’t the only one size thing I purchased and whilst the others did fit, I think in general the fact that said “one size” is pretty much only suitable for UK sizes 4-8 is pretty shit. A few of the pieces had elasticated waistbands but in general in 2020, when we’ve come so far in the last few years with body positivity and being more inclusive of all sizes, to have a sample size that runs so small isn’t acceptable and this sizing issue is my biggest problem with the store. Though I recognise that YesStyle acts as an outlet for smaller East Asian brands (in this case Lucuna) and thus aren’t themselves responsible for the designs, more consideration should probably go into the harm that could potentially be done by stocking these supposedly “one size fits all” garments. Brandy Melville, I’m looking at you too. Your designs are cute but your lack of inclusivity is shitty.

5. Ohnana Ruffle Trim Strappy Cami Cropped Top in Purple: £5.01, Size M

I’m not as jazzed as I was about this top now it seems that everyone and their mother’s dog is selling it at an extortionate price on Depop but I will say that it’s also very flattering. Makes my strangely long torso look somewhat proportionate, which is nice. The material is pretty thin but it is for all intents and purposes a tank top and the price is reflective of that.

6. Sisyphi Plaid Shirt in Tangerine: £11.30, One Size

So the “one size” option strikes again, though this time with less vengeance-I would say this would be wearable up to size 12/14 so slightly better than with the cardigan.

7. BBChic High-Waist Wide-Leg Jeans: £10.04, Size M

When it comes to these jeans, I only have good things to say. Like firstly, they make me feel like early 2000s Avril Lavigne AKA. my childhood icon/potential clone/queen of millennium grunge and an incarnation of Y2K fashion I can actually get behind. Secondly, they have an elasticated waistband, which is ALWAYS a good thing. Thirdly, they didn’t come up ridiculously long on me which I feared would be the case; I did wear the platform Filas with them but as you can see, it’s not like they’d be trailing over my feet even in flats. I’m somewhere between 5′3 and 5′4 for reference and usually go for petite in jeans and trousers just to be on the safe side.

8. HERMITAKH Ring Detail Halter Crop Top in Black: £5.15, Size M

I have only recently become a member of the itty bitty titty committee but even back when I shot this lookbook this halter actually fit! When it came to tops that necessitate going braless, I always had issues with finding pieces I didn’t feel were going to cause an unintentional free the nipple moment, but the fact that you can tie this top up at the neck and back yourself allows you to work out a fit that’s supportive for you.

9. Puffie Lightning Print Straight-Cut Pants: £13.76, Size M

I’d wanted a pair of trousers like these for ages before I saw them on YesStyle but the ones I’d come across in the past were a bit extra for my hometown and typically cost more than they seemed to be worth. This pair lack the bulk that the original styles I came across had, which helps give them a more casual, laid back feel, though they are just as vibrant and substantial BUT there isn’t much give in them. They have the slightly baggy look I was going for however they aren’t elasticated on the waist so I recommend having a look at the guide that’s available next to the drop down box where you select the size you want.

10. Alfie Mesh Long-Sleeve Top in Pink: £7.71, One Size

No, the Jennifer’s Body top isn’t from YesStyle, I’m sorry to disappoint. Go to RedBubble for that one! The considerably less exciting mesh top underneath however, is, and in spite of its relative mundanity (you can’t top Megan Fox as a man-eating demon) it does the job as a versatile staple piece. It’s one size but it does have a lot of stretch in it so would probably go up to about size 14 (not to say that’s great).

11. Barrash Harness Bag: £17.10, One Size

The harness vest is one of my favourite trends to come out of k-fashion and I wanted SO badly to pull this piece off (especially because it was one of the most expensive pieces I purchased from the site) but it was far too big for me even when I adjusted it and TBH...I don’t even know if it’s just the sizing? I kinda felt like a paranoid tourist with their bag on back to front and yeah...I don’t think that’s the desired effect. Here’s an example of how cool they CAN look from Seoul fashion week, and with that another example of why NYFW should lose its place in the “big 4″ to make room for SFW:

And just Blackpink just setting the standard for the utility wear trend in general:

12. Mikiko Short-Sleeved Blouse in White: £8.79, One Size

I appreciate that the website notes that the “one size” here runs small, however it does also say that a “base layer” is needed for under the shirt which I didn’t find was necessary at all. The fabric is quite thick and it genuinely looks like the kind of shirt you’d find tucked away in a vintage shop, cute af and will go with anything.

13. Closette Sleeveless V-Neck Vest in Black: £11.87, One Size

Again, I was really impressed with the quality of this jumper; it definitely looks like something you’d pick up in a uniform shop (though this one is probably cheaper because those shops are daylight fucking ROBBERY) but I can never get enough of that grungy school girl look. Blame St.Trinians.

14. Niji Smile Pleated Plaid Skirt with Insert Shorts in Green: £9.12, Size M

This skirt might be my absolute favourite of the items I ordered on the sole basis that it comes with shorts built in underneath, like, WHY DON’T ALL MINI SKIRTS HAVE THIS!? Plus the shape and the bounce it has to it makes me feel ultra-feminine and effortlessly cute which I love. It didn’t even turn up crumpled! Which you’ve really got to admire considering half the clothes in my local H&M look like they’ve never got within 10 metres of an iron in their short lifespan.

15. LINSI Elbow-Sleeve Print T-Shirt: £10.92, One Size

If I had to pick one more favourite piece, it would be this graphic top that I wore underneath a pink chiffon Ebay dress. It looks and fits exactly like the photos on the website and I have to restrain myself wasting a wear of it just lounging around the house because it’s also ridiculously comfy.

16. LINSI Plaid Straight-Cut Pants in Orange: Size M

These trousers are currently out of stock, however I will say that of everything I’ve ordered they’re probably the least comfy and on that basis I’m not sure if I’d buy them again. They look great and I will push myself to wear them for that reason but they’re the kind of itchy fabric that I rush to take off and swap for some pyjamas the moment I get into the house. That being said, I don’t know if this is an issue everyone will have because I am someone that is overly sensitive to fabrics so you might not even notice it, plus-stretchy waistband! Which is a plus for sure.

I was also very impressed by the accessories I ordered, which once again completely surpassed my quality expectations. Pretty much everything pictured here was under £5 apart from the shoulder bag which was closer to 10, and when you consider that the price of these is inflated at the moment because of the resurgence of the Y2K trend, this is still ridiculously cheap.

The prices are definitely a concern of mine because unfortunately, when products are this cheap there’s usually somebody being exploited down the line. Since I made this order in May, I’ve had a small slip up with a Motel Rocks order, but other than that have cut out fast fashion completely. I want to be as ethical a consumer as I can, and that’s something I considered before making this post; that being said, YesStyle, actually a Hong-Kong based company in spite of it being touted as the destination for k-fashion, was recognised as a "Caring Company" between 2014 and 2019 (I don’t think this has been updated for 2020 yet given the circumstances) by the Hong Kong Council of Social Service. From what I can find online, this award is given to Hong Kong companies that demonstrate good corporate citizenship and responsibility. Whilst this seems like reassuring information, like I said, I find it hard to believe that the production of clothes selling for these kinds of prices isn’t outsourced to low wage workers at some stage of the process. It’s a hard to know where to stand, because obviously the fast fashion industry DOES create jobs that people rely on to sustain themselves but at what point does the treatment of workers in developing countries negate the opportunities the industry provides here in the UK? “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism” and all that but shouldn’t we try to make a change where we can? I agree with the statement though at times it can come across like a deflection of individual responsibility. Plus there’s the environmental side of the debate-having to fly the garments over from the point of manufacture obviously takes a massive amount of fuel which it goes without saying is hugely detrimental to our planet. The sizing is also an issue; the average clothes size here in the UK is a 12, I believe, and yet a size medium seems to come up as about an 8. Asian sizes do tend to come up smaller in general but at the same time, if that’s the case, as an international retailer shouldn’t YesStyle at least address that somewhere on the site?

I don’t want to end on a negative note because compared to sites like Zaful, SheIn, and even UK based retailers such as Pretty Little Thing and Boohoo, YesStyle appears to be one of the better ones. The quality of their garments is incredible for the prices and I admire the transparency of having reviews for every product be so readily accessible. It’s also great to see that they have a section specifically addressing their response to the COVID-19 pandemic, AND offer refunds to their customers for import fees. God, I don’t know why this isn’t something that more websites do? I will never forget being slapped with a £100+ invoice for a Dolls Kill (bleurgh) order I made once back in the more impulsive shopping days and all the Karen-y emails I sent back and forth. Import fees are understandable but international retailers should definitely make it clearer how these are calculated and give more of an indication of just how steep these fees might be if you’re making a large order. It almost seems disingenuous not to do so especially when said retailers most likely know that customers wouldn’t make these orders if they had an idea of what it would cost just to get access to the goods they’ve already paid for.

I won’t ramble on for much longer because there is so much important shit going on in the world right now and I don’t want to take up time that could be spent reading more valuable posts-with the shooting of Jacob Blake earlier this week, and the death of Chadwick Boseman earlier today (I can’t imagine the amount of mental and physical strength it takes to film all the movies he did back to back whilst dealing with colon cancer), the most important thing to do is listen to how black individuals are feeling and what they are thinking right now. I will keep an eye on my dashboard and retweet what I can. Thanks for reading. Even if you’re just here for the photos, I appreciate it! And I don’t know if I’ve said it before but please know that my messages are always open to anyone struggling, especially with everything that’s going on at the moment. I don’t claim to be a professional but I can always listen. Lots of love<3

Lauren x

#k-fashion #streetstyle #k-pop #fashion #fashion blog #style #style inspo #fashion review #yesstyle #stealthespotlight #blackpink

15 notes · View notes

haikyuuphilia · 4 years ago

Note

hello, i’d like to rq a male romantic matchup for haikyuu please! i’m a scorpio sun, virgo moon, sag rising, and libra venus. im an isfp and somewhere between ravenclaw and slytherin (pottermore is wack) but i think i lean more towards slytherin. i’m quiet and reserved and i have a huge rbf, but in actuality i’m a chill person. i’m very perceptive and intuitive, i can read the room and people easily so i always know the right thing to say. it makes me a bit of a social chameleon so i dont really have a group that i truly belong to since i jump around a lot, but i guess its made me well known amongst my peers since im so adaptive to people’s personalities.i trip over my words when i don’t take the time to calculate what i say so i don’t really talk much unless i’m comfortable with who i’m around. that being said i am a ball of sarcasm and chaos when you get to know me, but even then i’m still so chill and don’t really raise my voice ever. i have a sense of humor ofc, its all sarcasm + memes + dumb jokes and i laugh at a lot of things. i’m a night owl and sleepy all the time, i can fall asleep just about anywhere but also don’t underestimate how long i can stay awake. uhh i’m an art history nerd, and i’m really good at and really like humanities subjects like literature but i also really like psychology, and i’m not the best at sciences and math lol. still the top of the class tho! i also dance ballet so i’m pretty active, but i can be lazy if i don’t think something is worth my energy. my ideal dates don’t have to be something super fancy, in fact i prefer not constantly having fancy dates even if i do like to dress up in pretty dresses. so things like naps together or going to a lantern festival are cute dates for me. also?? ngl i have good taste in fashion, i primarily wear dark colors + earthy tones but i don’t mind dressing outside of those colors. my fashion aesthetics are a fun mix of streetwear + dark and chaotic academia. in the end tbh i just want someone who understands me, like even tho im low maintenance there are gonna be days where i just need to stay in my room, no talking and just recharging. i wouldn’t mind if my boy was there with me and i don’t mind if he wants to push me outside of my comfort zone a bit but not too much b/c i dont wanna burn out lol. he’s welcome to be with me while i recharge, and if he needs to recharge too i’ll be there with him (: sorry this is super long!! thank you <3

hiii i really enjoyed reading it, so no problem at all! you sound exactly like one of my irl best friends, which is so nice. (by the way -- it’s so interesting that the four signs you gave here are all from different elements!) and thank you for sending a request <3

i match you with...

→ suna rintarou

you two would click instantly and stay together after that

aquarius isn’t typically very compatible with scorpio, but to me, your mbtis and interests make up for it

and given your libra venus, he was probably attracted to you at first sight

(also i see him as a slytherin!)

he loves your humor because his is the same

even likes when you make snide or sarcastic remarks lmao

also very sleep all the time!!!

he’d really want to take naps with you, even in the place of a “real” date

suna thinks spending time with you and holding you close is better than having to deal with other people anyway

loves your sense of fashion so much, too

he’d be up for subtly matching with you, e.g. matching accessories, all black outfits, plaid, you name it

goes to all of your ballet performances even though he knows nothing about dancing

not normally a showy or arrogant guy, but he’ll be like “yeah my s/o is top of the class and does ballet and is really funny and kind and gorgeous” all the time ugh

date him to be 100% charged all the time <3

→ kuroo tetsurou

very compatible with you!!!

a fellow scorpio sun who i see is definitely also a ravenclaw/slytherin

but you two aren’t completely alike -- he’s a good complement to you, whether you’re chill or active

kuroo’s really cares about academics, meaning he appreciates how smart and diligent you are

if you’re ever struggling with a chem concept, he’d love to tutor you (and maybe teach you about “chemistry” beyond that 😳)

in return, though, he needs help with humanities and social science classes

anyway-- he’s also an intuitive person, so he understands you deeply

doesn’t mind that you’re less talkative with people you’ve met for the first time

he likes that you open up when it’s just the two of you

and he’d love to have chill, low-profile dates like festivals at night or chilling at home

kuroo would like active dates, too, but he’d never take you far out of your comfort zone

10/10 boyfriend!

#i was experimenting with diff formats but i like this one the most!#i love these two sm #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu x you #suna rintarou #suna x you #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x you #philia.matchups #request.filled

4 notes · View notes

lucalicatteart · 6 years ago

Photo

Uvra Istill: brief species overview

(lol this is such an older species i don't have any good photos for them except for this random sketchy thing from like 2 years ago but I guess that'll have to do for now) . Sometimes for smaller species/subspecies/groups that aren't very much focused on in my worldbuilding yet, I'll just do these sorts of posts where it's just a small outline of main points about the species, rather than an elaborate multi-part series of informational posts (like how I do with the Avirre'thel, or what I plan to do with certain major groups of Elves or Jhevona, etc.) , so here's a smaller condensed bit of info about them. And if I choose to work more on them in the future, I'll make new posts and elaborations, but for now it's just a brief bit lol (info under read more)

------

!! (NOTE: for some bastard reason this ‘read more’ sometimes doesn’t work when viewing the blog in the sidebar and it just shows up as a full long post?? Sorry if it shows up super long for you, I promise there is a ‘read more’ here, and it’s supposed to keep most of the text of the post hidden unless you click on it, but for some reason sometimes it glitches or something and it just shows up on my blog full length. If you’re having this problem just view my blog in a new tab on it’s own or etc. instead of in the sidebar way. Sorry about that, I still have no idea what’s causing this glitch (which only started recently I think) and i don’t know why the read more works on some posts but not others. If you have any info about how to fix it let me know lol hhh) !!

-------------

✵Overview✵

♤ Uvra Istill are a catlike hybrid species that mostly all reside in a closed off area on a collective living property. They aren’t capable of magic but typically do have higher than average physical abilities and are known to excel at strategy, hunting, hand eye coordination, and thinking quickly (though people are unsure whether this is actually an innate inclination or more to do with how strictly they're raised and trained in these skills since childhood).

♤ They may come off to outsiders an uncivilized due to their common imagery of bones, dead animals, and rocks/caves, but they are actually highly "civilized" (in the common use of the word, meaning they utilize/understand most modern science, technology, etc.)

♤ They’re known to be frequently in conflict with neighboring groups, due to a few of their very outspoken members, but overall they keep to themselves by nature. Though they do commonly show up at supernatural realm wide events, and are closely involved in politics and business of outside species, they consider this just meaningless social participation for the sake of being polite.

♤ Lifespan is currently unknown, since none have died of natural causes at this point. But the oldest member has gotten to live to about 1465 years old (with the aid of magic and spells and enchantments they purchased).

♤ They’ve never given themselves a specific name, ‘Uvra Istill’ is simply a nickname given to them by the natives of the land they settled in a few thousand years ago, and the name stuck. It translates to ‘Animals of Death’, which most of the species found amusing and decided to keep using the name sarcastically for the humor of it.

♤ Their culture can be brutal and hostile to it's own members, though they attempt to put on a nice appearance for outsiders. However it's usually not like they're out killing each other and torturing members of their own species, despite bickering a lot, they do all still have a very strong group mentality, very "us VS. them" in terms of wholly supporting themselves and finding the lives and ideas of outsiders usually worthless, etc. So even when angry, they usually consider their own kind to be too sacred to ever harm one of their own too badly. They've designed harsh rules against harming their own kind, just to dissuade anyone who may even think about it. They’re not usually thought of as the most law-abiding group of people, but most can agree not to harm each other, and those few that don't would still follow the rules simply out of fear of these punishments if nothing else. So they're not really harming each other physically or anything, but by 'brutal' I guess I mean in terms of how strict and overly structured they are, and practices that can be mentally harmful (which they culturally don't recognize as a form of harm really lol, like locking someone in a closet for 4 days wouldn't break the "don't harm others" rule, but punching once someone would, so this kind of absurdly narrow definition of harm tends to foster a lot of passive aggressive behavior as everyone just thinks of worse and more indirect ways to harm each other)

♤ There are only about 1500 in existence. Most of them live communally in the same area, but they have been known to leave the tribe and pursue their own interests. About 5% of them do this. But it’s typically preferred to stay. Though they’re not the most peaceful in terms of personal relation, they do all prefer to be around their own kind, and they have a sense of superiority about this. They can at the very least relate to each other culturally, and at the end of the day they will strongly look out for their own. Staying in the community is usually just a more rational decision, since it guarantees a sense of security and shared resources. They own a large section of fenced in property, and have three main mansions that they stay in collectively. (shown below.. which looks pretty tiny when drawn but like.. the whole property is massive in real life, there's so much on it, it's probably equivalent to like the size of a small town, but just if every town person threw their resources into a collective pool to bulldoze the entire place and build a single giant property out of it lol)

♤ Guide to above map :

1 - The main mansion, most of this is reserved for rooms where people live and sleep. About 1,300 Uvra Istill live on this main property (the other 200 have left for varying reasons), and out of those, about 800 of them live in this building. It’s 15 stories tall with elaborate decoration and design, and most of the rooms are very well sized, with personal bathrooms, walk in closets, and usually personal kitchens or extra rooms,, though these areas are often shared between 1 - 3 people (or more in the case of families, like a mother with 4 children or etc. may get a larger personal area to fit everyone in, etc.).

2 - This mansion is mostly empty, reserved for elaborate events and parties that they throw. It’s more of a ‘guest house’ technically. It’s smaller than the residential ones, but is still massive. The upper floors are closed off, and reserved for who knows what. And there’s a large basement that leads to a intricate map of underground caves, but it’s not used often. There are many trap doors and false walls and hidden rooms, since they are a very playful bunch and still like to play lighthearted (or sometimes not so lighthearted) tricks on people who come to visit them.

3 - This is the secondary residential mansion, with the rest of the Uvra Istill having bedrooms here. Typically this is where the community leaders and highly respected individuals will live, it’s smaller, but the individual rooms are larger and more lavish. The bottom floors double as hobby rooms, with a massive library, science labs, athletic rooms, game rooms, lounge rooms, indoor pools and spas, fully stocked communal kitchens, arcades, art rooms, a full history museum dedicated to the species, their own art gallery, a cinema, bowling alley, sewing rooms and a fashion show area, and much much more.

4- The schooling area and large academic building with training courses, classrooms, and tons of rooms dedicated to a massive variety of academic subjects.

5 - A fancy ball sport area (probably the equivalent to humans having a golf course), running track, various sports courts, and an outdoor athletic pool.

6 - Elaborate gardens, including greenhouses, hedge mazes, multiple sitting/picnic areas, actual gardens with crops and trees of fruit and etc. where vegetation type food is produced, and massive flower walls or decorative flower arrangements.

7 - A large lake where people swim, fish, do boat racing, build waterslides, and participate in various water sports that require a space bigger than a pool (bodies are also dumped here sometimes lol).

8 - A large courtyard with a fountain and different arrangements of seats and plants, where outdoor festivities are often held. When they throw parties, the guests will usually stay for about a week, so the parties often start out here and then move inside as the night progresses and people go to their rooms.

9 - A circle of thick dense woods which are nearly impossible to get through. They use this as a second layer of defense, in addition to the huge outside fences, they’ve engineered this treacherous string of miles of woods full of swamps, dangerous plants, extremely dangerous animals, impossible terrain, various traps, security cameras, robotically controlled weapons, and hazardous chemicals. It’s guaranteed to keep people out (or in, possibly).

10 - The main gate, this is the only way in for guests. It’s the only break in the huge 30 foot thick reinforced metal fence that spans the outside of the entire area, and the only safe path through the woods. It takes about 30 minutes of keys and codes and unlocking security systems to get through, so getting in or out is ensured to never be an easy or fast process.

11 - A second gate closure, not visible from the outside and only accessible or known about to the Uvra Istill. This doesn’t take as long to get through, and cuts straight under the woods, so they reserve this as a means of emergency evacuation (in the case that their helicopters or private jets are unable to just carry them out of the area). About 32 feet underwater in the lake, there’s an entrance to an underground cave system, which will take you under the woods and to the hidden gate on the other side. This is thoroughly covered in tricks and traps as well, but an Uvra Istill will already be informed of what areas to avoid.

✵Physical Details✵

(bhbghg this is just a blurry screencap of an old sloppy image that's probably barely readable but, I don't have anything else for them. I plan to redo a lot of this old art and make it more visible and etc. but for now this is all I have to show their anatomy and etc.)

✵Culture✵

♤ They don’t have many traditions or ceremonies, but they do occasionally throw grand elaborate balls and parties once every few years. These events are notoriously controversial, as mishaps often occur (usually at LEAST one death happens, if not more), and most suspect foul play. Despite this, thousands of people still show up at their events when the species has them, since they're pretty good at marketing themselves in a way that makes them seem mysterious and exclusive, thus desirable to people who are elitist or always wanting to get into things that nobody else is invited to or etc.. Lots of like, elven royals or random rich supernatural realm folks who always fall for the flattery of receiving an ~~Exclusive Invitation~~. Additionally, many upper class folks seem to be more invested in thrilling exclusive entertainment than the lives of others, so honestly the fact that people die there may even be a selling point for them rather than a downside. It's interesting and exciting when things turn into a murder mystery party, and they would never be the one to die of course, since they're too rich and important, thus the spectacle of someone else dying may just be a fun experience that they can brag about to their friends in the royalty who didn't get to go, enthused by the potential Drama of it all etc.

♤ They are still a fairly new species, so they haven’t had much time to evolve and progress as a culture, but they do still have a few characteristics of society and stereotypes they are well known for, despite only having existed in their current state for just around 500 years. (mostly due to their frequent attempts to win the favor of nobles and royalty and more powerful groups than their own, though they may not be well known to any common folk, they are definitely known about in many royal circles (though mostly as 'that weird death cult that throws amazing parties' lol))

♤- How Outsiders View Them : Though not everyone is the same, and of course there is naturally variance between individuals, just by way of cultural influence, they are known to be arrogant, sarcastic, cold , and somewhat argumentative. During political events that they attend, they’ve been known to be outspoken, and this doesn’t much help their relationships with other groups. Though also being known for jokes, they simultaneously seem to take themselves extremely seriously, often refusing to participate in events because they find them ‘silly’ or ‘irrational’, which probably only contributes to their perceived air of superiority and people assuming the Uvra Istill feel they're above everything. Though despite being known mainly for their less desirable traits, they do have great charm, and are skilled at getting people to agree with them. Other species often avoid doing business with Uvra Istill, out of fear that they'll be convinced to agree to an unfair deal that's not helpful to their interests. They may be moderately controversial, but they do have many positive assets and some groups appreciate this. They're currently most closely allied with groups of elves that are in the Elven Alliance, solely because they're currently the dominant political power in the realm so obviously the Uvra Istill want to be liked by them. Though this kind of earned them the disfavor of the Avirre'thel, since the Avirre'thel helped send the species aid back when nobody else would very early on in their history before the Uvra Istill were even established,,, only for them to later suck up to/ally with the same group of elves who have consistently tried to destroy the Avirre'thel for thousands of years. The Uvra Istill tried to maintain relations by explaining how it's not actually a big deal and they didn't mean to seem insulting but they're just being practical or etc. but the Avirre'thel just like... don't care lol... Like, the Uvra Istill don't have any resources or technology or anything that the Avirre'thel really want to serve to gain from being on good terms with them, so they were just kind of like "...uh, okay... well anyway, bye." and kind of cut off political contact with them lol. Though the Uvra Istill try to trade with them or contact them from time to time the Avirre'thel are still just like "dude... we could not care less lmao... we don't need any of your traded goods.. please just let us self-isolate like we've been doing for centuries and stop trying to send letters to our government officials and shit... goodbye" . The Uvra Istill have also been mildly involved with some groups of humans (native to Nanyevimi, not earth humans) in the past, but despite the Uvra Istill literally not having any magic or abilities that would really put them above humans, besides maybe having claws and shit, they still see humans as weaker than them and usually their only contact is in regards to trying to trick a group of humans into giving away all their resources or etc. The Uvra Istill are generally also viewed as tricksters, known for commonly pranking people or joking others for fun. Which of course this reputation mostly stems from what people see of them at their frequent exclusive parties, during which guests are usually toyed with quite a bit. Most of this is simply playful and lighthearted, but it can sometimes come off as more harsh or legitimately conning others, so people often have a complicated relationship with this species, they’re either extremely liked or vehemently hated, with hardly any in between. But they have reasonably sized political and financial influence, so people are forced to do business with them regardless (and most of them are greatly amused by this, they find great humor in the fact that people hate them but are forced to come to them anyways lol). They're also usually seen as a cult, even by people who are positive towards them and welcome alliances with the Uvra Istill. Because of their history as basically an entire species genetically engineered by one individual, with a culture set by basically one individual, all living on one collective property and "ruled" by one individual (or, now that individuals remaining family members since they've died), and also their very strict culture and odd practices and worship of death and etc.,, even from the most positive of outsiders they still tend to be viewed as a cult first and a distinct species second,, though they are genetically distinct and are technically their own species, also like 99% of the members of said species exist in the same area in a very weird cult-like environment so. Though definitely in the past they seemed more like a regular species and had their own cities and differing groups and schools of thought and etc., after ending up on the property they live on today and going through a few cultural changes (everyone being forced to follow strict personal rules set by the leader, etc.) it is a pretty strange atmosphere.

♤ - Everyday life: Many Uvra Istill spend most of their days just hanging out on their property, playing games, reading books, and practicing hobbies or academics. They have elected officials who will go and speak to outside species, but other than those few, most of them don’t leave very often. Though their personalities differ greatly and they all break off into friend-groups and cliques amongst themselves, they do mostly all share traits of being highly self focused and self involved, so there’s not as many community activities as would be expected from people living so communally. They prefer to work on the things that interest them, and honestly couldn’t be bothered about much else. They do work together, but only because they know that by furthering the species, they are also helping themselves. Despite their arrogant and outspoken reputation, many are actually very isolated and reserved, it just happens to be that the elected officials of the species can sometimes misrepresent their group as a whole (i.e., everyone perceiving them as being highly argumentative, just because many of the officials who represent them have been so, though in reality most of them are not, etc). Though some of the stereotypes are true for like 70% of the population (such as being very prideful, pretentious, serious, clever, and being easily amused by their own antics), many stereotypes actually are not, and tend to be exaggerations of misrepresentations. Many do pair off into couples, but it’s common for their relationships to be somewhat volatile. In a culture that nearly breeds people to be controlling and dominant, it can be hard for them to get along with each other without always clashing heads and trying to out-compete or constantly take control of one another. Luckily, they’re also taught to be very rational, so most conflicts will eventually always be worked out and resolved, or sometimes will just go away because they’ll be tired of wasting energy on fighting. They do have a hierarchy, with clearly defined leaders and other societal roles, but they also place importance on the fact that all of their members are provided for, so things are never too horribly imbalanced. They want their numbers to stay up and for people to not leave, so aside from the childhood training and heavy indoctrination, the second biggest way they do this is to have a luxurious environment where every member feels valued and provided for and is better than any other living situation they could access, which is where part of their focus on their property literally being like.. an elaborate mansion paradise comes from. They want to emphasize that members of the species have it better than everyone else, and have the personal freedom to just relax and lounge on golden couches all day, or doing whatever leisure activity they please. This also helps with species pride, how they feel they're better than other groups and more advanced and etc., since every member of their species is living a better life than pretty much a majority of any other group in the surrounding areas, A paradise which they obviously deserve, since as a group they are all superior together.

♤ They’re incredibly rich and live lavish lifestyles, which once again helps them manage to win over so much influence in politics and business. Most of their original income was from crime (particularly anything involving assassinating or hunting people) , black market trades, bounty hunting, and selling corpses/meat. But they invested their money carefully and now own a few large areas full of important trade resources, so make most of their money through that. Though they do still often partake in their old ways of making money as well, it’s not as much of a necessity as it once was, so they usually don’t feel like going through the effort. Those who enjoy the thrill of the hunt/murder or get cheap kicks from high-stakes illegal trading are allowed to stick with it and do as they please, but a majority have walked away from that lifestyle and now prefer to invest their time in hobbies and self-improvement, only occasionally hunting for personal gain when they have the impulse. Usually these trades and resource management and stuff are negotiated by the leader of the group and their other close respected officials, and it's their responsibility/job to keep up with (on top of running everything around the property). These are the only people who actually HAVE to have a job, and must be working at all times, all other member of the species really don't have to do anything if they don't wish. Species members are allowed to have their own jobs (like being assassins, trading on their own, selling their crafts, etc.) outside of the property if they want, but they only get to keep 40% of their income, and the rest is invested back into the collective property, like to buy food for everyone and pay for servants to upkeep the mansions, etc. Nobody really has a problem with this though, since they recognize that being part of this collective is the only way they're able to live as luxuriously, as if they were on their own, even being able to keep 100% of their earnings, they'd still have a pretty measly existence (especially give then area they live in, like the places outside of the property), therefore even if it means giving a little bit up, being part of the collective is the only thing that allows them their otherwise perfect and leisurely lifestyle.

♤ They are still similar to cats in many ways, most notably in their common cultural ideal of bringing dead things to their loved ones to show affection.

♤ - Attire: As a culture, they place a large amount of significance on death, and even glorify it. They enjoy the imagery of death, and much of their clothing and decoration is inspired by this. Their usual dress is a mix of dark but fancy looking clothing, often with elaborate designs and layers and patterns, mixed with more earthy items like bones and rags and rope. Bones are extremely common accessories, especially as a way to honor relatives (like wearing your sister's bones after she dies in an accident), or for those who take pride in their kills and may wear them out of meaning or significance (ex: “This is my mother’s skull, she abused me so I reported her and she was publicly executed. I’m proud of that so I wear it to remind me of my victory over her”, or like “This man killed my best friend so now I’m wearing his ribcage as an accessory.” , etc.) . The tradition of modifying skulls and other bones to wear as masks or body decor has stuck around since the very olden days, when they used to use this as a tactic to intimidate others. As a young species they were still very weak and hadn’t physically bred themselves to a desired strength yet, so they often had to stalk other species and simply go after their leftovers in order to get food. Back in this time when they would follow a larger hunting species around, they commonly adorned themselves in any way to look larger and more threatening, so they wouldn’t be attacked themselves in the process. Though it serves no real purpose anymore, most of them keep doing this because they just find it fashionable, and sometimes humorous. They often adorn modified skulls with decorations and carvings, usually other strings of bones. They also commonly use smaller bones as piercings or buttons on their clothing, and medium sized ones are often strung into ornaments or necklaces. Larger ones may be worn as defensive armor, or just for show, often in more elaborate or culturally significant outfits. The most common colors in their clothing are blacks, reds, grays, gold, and dark purple. They like thick very decorated and rich looking fabrics, with a bit of a tendency towards over-decoration or being almost absurdly showy. They basically just like to wear anything that communicates: "Hey, I’m here, I’m fabulously rich, superior to you, intimidating, and highly skilled, , I could probably purchase your entire family with just the money I have in my pocket, and I also have an intense morbid fascination with death.“

♤ Children are extensively trained in a highly competitive school-like environment. A regular kid will do about 65+ hours of skills training a week, and it’s encouraged to have at least completed a “high-school level” of education by 11 years old. By around 16 years, all mandatory training and education is complete, and the individual is free to pursue whatever they’d like, but up until then, their curriculum is brutal. It’s not uncommon for some children to even resort to trying to kill each other just to take the top spot of their class, even though murder within the species isn't allowed, they put the children in such a hyper-competitive and strictly controlled environment that some are willing to risk punishment to try to harm a classmate sneakily or something. Their schooling usually involves a lot of physical training but also plenty of mental exercises, children are expected to be broadly knowledgeable about the world and proficient in a variety of subjects and skills. Additionally they spend plenty of time on "personality training". Certain personality traits are culturally encouraged, and if an individual fails to possess them by the end of schooling, they are usually killed . When they see “just no hope for an individual”, their life may be voted on. The only type of murder permissible in the group is when a claim is made that a certain person should die, so the entire group gets together to debate the pros and cons, and casts votes at the end. Though it can't be too close, if the votes were like 60% yes, 40% no, the person may let go or the subject would be re-voted on at a later date. But if over 75% of the group (all 1,000+ of them) decide that it would be reasonable to kill a certain person (for crimes they're accused of, or just failing to meet the group's standards and being a 'weak link', etc.) , then they're publicly executed. So it is possible that some children can be put to death simply for not meeting certain standards of personality traits and ability. Though this is extremely rare, since most people who train the children are very determined about it, they would rather push someone to the point that they die from working too hard than just giving up on them and sentencing them to a dishonorable public death. They would see that as a reflection of failure in themselves, which is unacceptable. So most trainers will stop at nothing to make sure the children will succeed, even occasionally resorting to methods that could potentially be considered borderline torture to “bring out the right traits in the individual”. It is common for children to sometimes band together and try to escape, and there is actually a whole group of Uvra Istill who exist outside of the main community and call themselves “ex-members”, as they often proclaim that the entire species of Uvra Istill is just a massive cult (since the entire breeding of the species and creation of culture as a whole seems largely influenced by just one person alone, similar to the leader of a cult), and they hold extreme contempt for their own species. Many “ex-members” wish to reform the species of Uvra Istil, or at least separate into two distinct branches, hopefully eventually evolving into different species entirely, but this is hard when the Uvra Istill name is so prominently associated with the society of the non ‘ex-members’. The typical opinion of those still within the community, is that the “ex-members” are just weak, and are not deserving of sharing blood with them. The main Uvra Istill are actually surprisingly open about their willingness to kill any “ex-members” (especially if they’re caught before escaping), just as many “ex-members” are openly aggressive about their desire to kill those who are still in the community. It’s a largely ignored conflict that many Uvra Istill feel hasn’t been accurately resolved or addressed, but most community leaders think it should just be ignored, which many people question. Some outside groups in the past have distanced themselves from the Uvra Istill over this, as they have heard about some of the mistreatment, but the Uvra Istill are very secretive so most people they trade with don’t know the full extent (if they knew how severely children were sometimes being psychologically abused and manipulated and traumatized to alter their personality (and also like doing stressful training sometimes over 70 hours a week, plus being killed if they don't meet the standard of the group), they would probably stop all trade with the Uvra Istill entirely , but they’re not currently fully aware. (Though some groups like the Fanyiniri elves probably wouldn't give a shit lol) Though it's hard for children, most when growing up actually don't mind anything that happened to them (though this is probably just a result of the indoctrination and propaganda they're taught) , because they kind of see it as a trial to earn their right to their positive existence. Yes, from age 6 - 16 you're going to be experiencing grueling training and be almost regularly traumatized (sometimes quite severely), but after that, you get to live for free, on this amazing beautiful property, with everything you've ever wanted provided for you at no cost, pretty much never having to train or work again if you don't want to (though most do want to), having the absolute freedom to just live a live of leisure free of any worldly concerns. This is how they often frame it and feel it's justified, basically it's like you just have to just work your way up to conforming to the standards of the group and kind of earn your way into the species, but once you've made it past that threshold, you're one of them now, and they'll care for you and protect you at all costs. So it's still, incredibly, incredibly shitty, but many traumatized children find it worth it and justify it in retrospect by how many privileges and benefits they get afterwards.

♤ They have a mostly modern diet now, but still enjoy plenty of raw meat, bones, rocks, and dirt as they’ve eaten in the past. They’re pretty big on alcohol, and enjoy creating new sorts of drinks to unveil every few years at parties.

♤ Despite their sometimes harsh society, many actually report high levels of happiness and feel content with themselves and their lives. The most common issues they have are with managing emotional outbursts, anxiety, and symptoms of depression, but those have almost become so commonly accepted that there’s usually a variety of strategies for dealing with them, and as a group they are surprisingly supportive in helping each other with these. Other than that, people seem typically very fulfilled, and are highly self confident and content, especially since most don’t have the stress of having to handle a job, and are allowed to just explore and improve their own interests, never running out of things to do to keep busy. Though there’s probably many dark things that go on behind the scenes and there are many ideas in their society that face wide criticism, they don’t accept outside criticism in the first place , and don’t care to listen to outside opinions of them, so for now things will continue as they are, which isn’t even bad at all, in their opinion. Regardless of controversy, they are still one of the most prominent newcomer species in the supernatural realm as a whole (so gradually gaining influence and resources), and are an essential part of a few local economies, governments, and societies in the realm.

♤ Cultural beauty standards include: Dark dyed hair and dark lips/eye makeup on everyone despite age or gender, different adornments of bones, dark sick looking eyes, just generally looking dead, short hair, shiny well kept claws and hooves, braiding tail fur, hanging things from the ears, sharp dark slicked down eyebrows, sometimes shaving patterns into the fur is popular. They may use dark colored dyes to stain the tips of their fangs, and more extreme modifications include cutting shapes into the skin for decorative scars, and shaping their ears using surgery. It’s also common that in more elaborate outfits they may take some sort of gold paint or gold sheets, and line their claws, hooves, and parts of the face with gold. There is wide variance in facial features, since they are a largely mixed species with a larger gene pool in the past, so individual preference varies, but culturally they seem to prefer more cat-like faces, and especially admire the beauty of people with large mouths and larger sharper teeth.

♤ They have no religion, but often state that they worship death in a more abstract sense, though there is no set of religious guidelines that they follow.

♤ Many Uvra Istill keep pets and like the idea of sidekicks or small companions. They often walk around with small animals on their shoulders or in their hair. Most popular are owls, snakes, foxes, medium sized cats, lizards, spiders, and sometimes bats. They often hire mages to come in from the outside world and perform spells on their animals, so that they’re able to communicate with them or so that the animals will have some sort of supernatural abilities. Nearly 80% of them have small companion animals, sometimes more than one, it seems to be a widespread cultural thing.

✵History✵

–(There’s like thousands of years of history so obviously I’m just summing it up and not going into much detail because that would take too long. The easiest way is to just frame it through the lens of one of their very influential members. So if it seems very focused on one person, that’s because it is, for the sake of brevity. It’s just like if you were telling the history of an organization there might be extended focus on the founder of said organization, while smaller details about the other people are perhaps ignored)– The Uvra Istill started off as a very regular form of cat-person, usually used for servants or messengers, and not of very much class or value in the supernatural realm. They were usually very mistreated, often living poor and dying early of illness or starvation, not being given much for food other than rotting animals, bones, and dirt. Eventually one of these cat people by the name of Brivgi gathered up about 50 or so of them, and decided that they would move somewhere and start up a society of their own. They stole a boat, and raided the city at night, stealing as many supplies as they could make away with, before setting sail without having any idea where the hell they would be going. Brivgi just decided that she would make the best of wherever they ended up, and that anywhere was as good of a place as where they were. She was a charismatic leader with big ideas who gathered people in a time of hopelessness when many of her kind felt they didn't have any options for living anything other than their current miserable lives, so she didn't really need to have a plan lol. Most were happy to follow her since like, even if they just sank their ship and died in the ocean or something, that's really no worse than their current lives as abused servants living on rotting animal scraps and sleeping bruised on the plain muddy dirt floors of basements. By the time they reached land, 15 of them had died during transit, and 10 more were killed when they were ambushed immediately upon approaching the shore, but luckily Brivgi and a few others had managed to escape. They settled in an area of caves, since that was the only place they could find that wasn’t owned by anyone. There were a few scattered tribes of species here and there, but they were mostly the only inhabitants of this area. Here is where the Uvra Istill bloodline actually went from regular cat-people to a more engineered species of hybrids. Brivgi became obsessed with making her kind into the ultimate species, even bringing in the outside help of sorcerers and demons and whoever she could find, to speed along the evolution process with magic, paying them in whatever she had (sometimes even trading away her own members, and once trading one of her own children). She saw it as urgent that they must immediately start the most advanced and capable society possible, and her dream was to have a whole group of those who were perfectly designed to hunt, kill, outsmart, and ultimately dominate society. Many of her group began to have doubts, feeling that Brivgi was unstable and delusionally obsessed with unrealistic ideals, so occasionally they would sneak away in the middle of the night, but many of them stayed and were utterly devoted to her, since regardless of her intense and sometimes immoral ideas, she was still an incredibly dedicated and charming leader who believed she was doing the best for everyone. They simply stayed in the caves for about 800 years, breeding and evolving and being turned into the vision of what Brivgi desired. They weren’t strong enough to hunt the large animals that were in the area at this time, but they did often follow around larger predator animals and local tribes of humanoid beings, feeding off of whatever they left behind after a kill. They would often cover themselves in bones and rocks and facepaint, anything to make them come off as more intimidating for protection. They mostly lived on small animals and scraps, bones and rocks, and occasionally stuff like tree limbs and sticks, sometimes leaves or fruits, but they really didn't desire that type of thing and had to have meat of some kind. After a while of just surviving and developing, they decided they had enough numbers, strength, and resources to attempt to relocate. There were now about 4,000 in total, so it was going to be a massive task to move them all, but they were growing too large for current lands, so Brivgi and her advisors decided it would be the best course of action. They journeyed for about 5 months, during that time only loosing 800 members, and actually keeping together fairly well. They settled in a new open expanse of land, located in a fairly good spot in between some mountains and a large city. Since they were so close to the city, there were new career options open to the Uvra Istill, and the most appealing of those seemed to be crime. Just given their natural skill set (or I guess, the genetically engineered skill set that Brivgi planned for them), they were very proficient at jobs involving assassinating or hunting people, selling corpses/meat, and bounty hunting, and these were often very quick ways to make a lot of money in a short period of time. They continued on this way for a few hundred years, flourishing and building their own little city, and greatly increasing their numbers. Around this time there were nearly 10, 000 Uvra Istill, older generations and new generations and different evolutions of the species all living together . Brivgi still lead them, often advising their business decisions and holding councils for the community, happy to basically have created her own small civilization, especially content that they were prospering under her guidance and the course she set for the species. By now she had generations of children who served alongside her as advisors and understudies. However, a few hundred years after finally feeling settled in, a natural disaster struck the area, which also lead to a war over resources amongst the Uvra Istill and other species/people in the surrounding cities. They had already lost half of their city in floods (and about 6,000 of their people), so they decided to refuse to give help to neighboring communities, since they saw it as more important to provide for their own. The Uvra Istill had massive reserves of resources though, so the outside cities felt it was ridiculous and unfair for them to keep it all to themselves when the people around them are dying and in need . There was a surprise uprising, their whole city being attacked from all sides by people from all surrounding areas combined, desperate to survive in any way thy could (whether the Uvra Istill agreed to share or not). Resources were stolen, and though the Uvra Istill had superior combat skills and technology, they were still massively outnumbered, and the outside attackers managed to kill about 3,000 of the Uvra Istill during the first two weeks of fighting alone. Around the third week, Brivgi gave up on trying to hold onto the city, gathered as many resources and people as she could, and she fled, evading the outside attackers by using underground evacuation tunnels she had built years ago as a precaution. She knew they would have nowhere to go, and would be found if they resurfaced, so she simply blocked off the other side of the caves and holed up inside of them with her remaining people for a few days, still close enough to hear the sounds of destruction and more of her people dying not too far away above ground. With no other options, she started to call upon all of her vague contacts, reaching out to anyone she had done business with in the past, looking for someone who would help them. They were running out of food in the caves, and though they didn’t hear fighting above ground anymore, Brivgi still feared they’d be hunted and killed if they didn’t have an immediate escape plan upon leaving. She sent out her best most skilled fighters in disguise, to sneak around and act as messengers. After only a day or two, one of the messengers finally received word back from someone, the Avirre'thel agreeing to give them a temporary plot of land and place to stay in interim. They evacuated quickly , finally leaving the underground hideouts, and heading to the place that was agreed they could stay temporarily. Still having managed to sneak away with a little bit of resources, Brivgi made a deal to simply buy the entire plot of land from them, and there laid the foundation for the modern Uvra Istill property. With only around 200 members of the species left (others having died from the fighting, floods, during underground hiding, being left behind, or dying during travel), Brivgi was largely discouraged, but still determined to bring her visions to light and fight for her species (which she saw as like, perfect beings of her creation, she felt intense responsibility for them and dedication to be a good leader, despite the recent upsets to their way of life and loss of a majority of their species and everything they owned and etc.) Though she did start to get a bit weird after this, many of her children had died, and she began to carry their bones around with her, wearing them, keeping them in her bed, in her room, and spiraling into a further obsession with death. Her few children who remained were largely concerned about her, but still did anything to help with her ideas for their society, and they were typically her most loyal of followers. The Uvra Istill were still a largely suffering people, most of them having just been through some of the worst events of their lives, so any leadership was good leadership to them, and the constant ceremonies and imagery of death didn’t bother them, they quite embraced it, they still saw Brivgi as one of the only people who could bring them security and hope, and with all of the loss they had personally suffered as well, the indulgence into death resonated with many of them (side note: Brivgi had been artificially prolonging her life with magic and etc. and some people think that played a role in her getting a bit weird and obsessive, like the constant exposure to enchantments that she, as someone from a non-magical species, wasn't used to, could have started to impact her health and body and mind. Though it also fits totally fine into her personality profile to have just become strange simply due to the loss and upset of her life, since she did take it very personally that something she had been improving for so long (her species) had been destroyed. So it really could be either, or a mix of both lol) . With the resources she still had, Brivgi laid blueprints for three mansions, large facilities, and massive improvements to the property, hoping to provide for her species a safe haven paradise where they could live and have everything they’d ever want, and this time she kept a large focus on extreme security measures. She wrote out curriculums, programs, and rules, all incredibly strict and designed to make the species the best it could ever be (like setting cultural standards and the rules of education and of conduct, laws of the property, etc.), to be ultimately powerful, unable to ever be stopped or harmed no matter who attacks them. The focus became even more about being strong, and also about not trusting outsiders/not being open to trade, after the losses they had just suffered at the hands of other people, which Brivgi mostly blamed on them just not being strong enough, and that they should never have trusted the other cities enough to live near them in the first place. She put all leftover money into savings, businesses, and other investments, hoping it would pay off over time. Before the construction on the property was entirely completed, not long after finishing her 25,000 page manifesto on how the Uvra Istill should be governed and run, Brivgi called a meeting of her people, where she dragged herself into the courtyard (along with the bones of her children she'd been carrying around), curled up into a ball underneath a decorative velvet blanket, and abruptly publicly executed herself in front of all of them, her last words being something along the lines of “I feel that I’ve left everything in very capable hands. If we are to succeed, then I am so very glad. But if we are to fail, I simply do not want to be around to see it.” By this point, she was over 1,000 years old, and clearly had been suffering physically and mentally, so her children quite easily came to terms with her death and quickly picked up where she had left off. Particularly her eldest daughter Vivrinia, who is currently still in a leadership position , ruling over the current Uvra Istill. Though she is considered much more callous than her mother, she still strictly follows the words Brivgi left her, which unfortunately for her, does include being kind to her own species from time to time. She is still always making a constant effort to improve the society, and make sure that they are as influential and capable as they possibly can be, despite her somewhat resenting having such extreme responsibility thrust upon her at a young age. Currently, all construction is completed, the property is gorgeous, there’s extensive training in place for all children, people of the society still have strict standards of embodying the “right traits”, and the political , social, and financial influence of the Uvra Istill is ever growing across the whole realm (so everything is going according to the rules Brivgi outlined). Though it’s been nearly 500 years since Brivgi’s death, and they’ve evolved as a culture on their own since then, it’s still clear to see how much she had impacted the entire society of the Uvra Istill, especially in her later years. Many of her ideals, cultural preferences, traditions, and philosophies are still extensively practiced and embraced by the Uvra Istill of today (like the worship of death and constant use of death imagery). She is widely honored, considered to be the creator and savior of the species, and has multiple statues, rooms, and museum sections dedicated to her on the property.

(here's a n ancient pixelated sloppy sketch of Brivgi I guess lol)

And that's all about the Uvra Istill, for now at least !!

#Uvra Istill #worldbuilding #bones tw

2 notes · View notes

thethrilllofitalll · 4 years ago

Text

Woman Accidentally Eats a Space Cake for the First Time (Fully Loses Her Shit)

New experiences are some of the greatest joys of my life. Seeing and doing new things. New stimulus and surroundings, trying and learning new things, engaging with new people and places.

During lockdown we are almost entirely starved of new experiences.

Having gotten to 30 without ever trying weed, I have been expressing an interest for years, but not wanting to smoke, thought Space Cakes were the best option. People had warned me these could be quite strong, but a friends boyfriend was given some “Medical Marijuana CBD Cupcakes” for his birthday, and knowing I’d been interested offered me one, with the disclaimer “it’s not going to be a new experience, you’ll probably just feel more relaxed and maybe a tiny bit warm and fuzzy.”

Me being me and always wanting to make everything The Maximum Fun, would have under normal circumstances gathered friends, lowered the lights, composed a playlist, eaten the cake in a ceremonial fashion and fully embraced the moment. But, as I was assured not to get over excited, instead my friend (L) and I ate them together as a snack absent mindedly whilst having a chat in her bed around 10pm. I then went off next door to watch some telly alone whilst texting my boyfriend (S).

What unfolded was quite the unexpected turn of events...

18th May 2020

23:05

To S

M: Just eaten it mate

S : that's a tiny bite!

M: I’ve ate the whole thing

M: Really hard thick choc

M: Hard work

M: I feel caffeinated

M: Typical

M: The only person in life to not chill out on weed

23:20

M: Watching the explained about monogramy lol x

23:40

M: Oscar wee’d in the kitchen

S : bad boy!

S : how is the cbd?

M: Feel quite chill now to be fair

M: But maybes it’s the absolute moment of calm tea I’m drinking

S : haha

M: Wow I’m watching the genum explained

M: Apparently now stick your earwax is is genetic!

00:00

M: Omg

M: Wow

M: Just got the drop!

M: Did not expect that to be a thing!

To L

M: Wow just had The drop

M: Lol!!

L: Lol

L: Me too

L: 😂

M: #legaliseit

L: I’m lying in the dark

L: Feel like I might float out into the street

M: Hahaha

L: ✌️

M: It literally came over me like a cloak in the kitchen!!

M: Super intense!! Like sinking into a hole

L: Lol

M: #isthiswhatheroinislike

L: Yes felt it in the dark

L: Lovin it

M: 🤑

Li: 🌱

M: Me watching telly right now no lie

M: #chillin

L: Me

To S

M: Omg I’m high!!!! Hahahaha giggly

00:05

To L

M: What a new experimenter

M: Giggly! And 😎 getting in bed with my sunbathing soundtrack on for the full experience

L: Me too

L: My face hurts from smiling

M: Hahahah OMG I feel like an absolutely beautiful cliche or a person trying drugs for the first time

M: I am thinking all the classic drug thoughts

M: About time

00:10

M: And expanding contracting

L: Me too

M: And getting disorientated JB the room

L: Yes

M: And can’t get undressed ao have fallen into bed with my T-shirt and bra still on hahaha

L: Haha

M: Was just pacing back and forward for ages forgetting what I was doing before that

To S

M: Omg I’m so high ha

To L

M: Just came to and caught myself hunched over beside the bed, crouching like Gollum

M: Now in bed laughing af myself

00:15

To S

M: Think I might have cut my fingers trying desperately to get into the wrong end of my headphones emboldened

M: Box

(Didn’t actually send this pic)

M: That’s me with my eyes open

S : haha what? x

S : you okay

To L

M: Wow warm rushes down and tingly sensations Up!

M: This song about giggling just came on

M: Reccomend d

M: Here’s a song for you… Laugh with Me by Paul White

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ebGfveNsaTPvbmYrcYbM9?si=Zew2rxbfQ7aQZ_b9fIwA_g

00:20

To S

M: A tightness is chest and breath and strange iron taste

M: I am 1 of the highest I have been in my life wow

M: Hehehehe how unexpected

M: Wish I could take photos of all the funny positions and faces I keep coming to and finding myself in

M: I imagine this one to be the recently deceased wake of a grumpy old cheese mans body

M: Chinese

M: Like a soldier made of stone

S : are you on your own?

M: Wow event the documentation of the peveois/current high went crazy Cus a new one kicked in and distracted the current

To L

L: Wowwwww cant type

L: How lovely it is

L: Trippyyy

M: Here’s a playlist for you… Sunbathing soundtrack

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1kGgW3qvdBHAQwQSNpwV0j?si=1r90zkW_QcGfbMUO2eHUsA

Note on phone

I might piss on the floor like Oscar

To S

M: Me and L are both in same boat but on our own beds textier

M: Hahahaha

To J

M: OMG J I’m really tired I can’t stop laughing

M: High!!!

00:25

To S

M: Me loving life

M: 🤞🤤🤞🤟✌️✌️✌️✌️

S : hahaha babe! xx

S : glad you're having a nice time

M: I just imagined I had come out with a brilliant music video idea but I came to and realised it was just imagining ever cartoon representation of being high ever spliced together. And then I came to and realised i was typing this.

M: Can’t believe your not here wtf should have bought week 1

M: Unjust caught myself thinking with no irony wow I suddenly understand what the Beatles were singing about

M: When I was imagining trying to text every new feeling and image

M: Hahaha and while writing that was earnestly tupong this new thought

M: And “well I do feel very creative”

00:30

To L

M: And add “i do feel very creative” to my earnest cliched thoughts

M: (I do!)

To S

M: OMG these powerful warm surges feel like you’d have in a dream where you posed yoirakef im going to the loo in case

M: Also the thought before feels ages ago

00:35

To L

L: ❤️❤️

M: High cheeky ostrich is my new lying position

To S

M: Warm fuzzy snow suit

M: Not typos

M: I am already excited to read this tomorrow but hahaha I promise it’s all honestly genuinely spontaneously happening as I try to document it maddest feeling of my life maybe

M: I never had that piss

M: Gonna try

00:40

To J

OMG I Hirnkonstrukt think I might be doing that thing Danny did when he kept thinking he was piss himself in the pyjamas

M: I did have that piss Tay time tho to make it real

Note on phone

BAby kangaroo nausea

Y funniest thing of the year

00:45

To L

M: A fantasy involving a religiiius cartoon in which someone declares that cannabis is “the higher place” earnestly hah hahahaha omg

L: Ha aha

M: Imagined Dom and Lauren are so high they are waking me up over my headphones typing to you won’t music to Interupt with banging pans and jangling bells

M: They’re all linked

M: Oh here come the goat bells again

M: and interupt each other

Note on phone

OMG stop being unfunny and controlling

Wow mood switch

00:55

To S

M: Wow I think I ist did a 10 min one just of trips interrupting one another 100 times to report back sorry it this is annoy g can’t tell if done 100 times or none each other to report back

S : nothing is annoying xxx

S : going to bed now

S : are you having fun?

S : going to sleep? x

M: Nothing in the bed

M: Yes it’s honestl mad tho this is the highest I have been in my life it feels like I should document it

M: : Either u picked the most perfect high soundtrack ever or the high production values on these tracks are the greatest of all time

S: what u listening to?

S: I'm going to sleep now xxx

S: love you! ❤️❤️

S: can't wait to see you make sense of this in the morning

S: Oooo longest one yet

M: Haha me too it is so funny no be so knowing bht so powerless

Notes on phone

Standing outside myself and reporting back defo most accurate feeling

A new companion for myself

Wow “Powerful”

Both genhinemg and ironically

1:40

To L

M: Wow finally got me bra off and mr phone on charge

M: Bloody powerful

M: You ok? X

Notes on phone

Within one anothe so literally that I just had a dream sequence so accurate it woke me up

Infact he was riding a pig at my wedding

Huge surging music

19th May- The Morning After

07:20

To S

S: hahaha

S: I have no idea what you're on about

S: hope you got a good night's sleep

7:40

M: Morning xxxxxzz

S: morning! x

8.35

To L

L: Good morning

L: How are you??

L: I’m up but just in bed!

L: Oh meg

09:20

M: What a time to be alive!

M: How are you?

To S

M: Guten Morgen

S: hello babe xx

S: how are you?

M: Sleepy

M: How are ya?

M: Sorry I was too high to ask any how does it feel to be home questions

M: Look forward to asking them all soon

S: haha that's fine I had fun

S: also I was just chatting to Lukas

S: but it's good

S: cba to unpack and everything

10:30

To L

M: I’m sleepy

L: Absolutely wild

L: Want a cuppa??

L: Just got a Skype now will Come and check on you after at 11! Xx

M: Haha see you at 11 still be asleep

To S

S: what you doing with your day? xx

S: ohh I think I forgot a bunch of shirts in your closet

M: Sleeping currently

11:20

To L

L: How are you doing?

L: Megggg

L: What a life

L: Shout me when you’re awake xx

M: Wow sleepy!!

11:40

To L

L: Meg I’m still trippin

L: It comes in waves

M: Oh god wow really

To S

M: Wow sleepy

S: haha

S: what you doing?! x

S: snoozing all day long

M: Sleeping

M: Haha no I’m gonna try be awake now

M: L’s still tripping

To L

M: Did you do a meeting?!

L: Not like last night

L: Yes lol

L: Do u want tea?

L: Will get kettle on

M: Hahaha shall I come down

L: Think I need to talk through this mad experience

M: Haha I’ll make it I think I’m out of the woods

M: Well this is the longest I’ve been awake for so I guess we will see! What do you want? X

L: Doing the kettle now

L: I just need to speak to you about it all

11:50

To S

S: oh dear

S: told you it's strong in food

S: but you feel good? xx

S: sad I wasn't with you

M: Haha L is still high

S: yeah you just said

S: hbu?

M: OMG I took loads of photos

M: I defo am

M: But not in the tripping way

15:15

To L

M: Taken me about ten minutes to get me knickers on

What an absolute turn up for the books!! I accidentally got the new experience I was craving.

#thethrillofitall newandunexpectedexperiences

0 notes

grenadefestival · 7 years ago

Text

October Writing Challenge: #7

Sooooo this one got really long. Instead of using any of my preexisting OCs or any fandom characters for this one, I had an idea for some brand new characters I created just for this story. I’m thinking I’ll keep them :P

Prompt: Halloween is rolling around and an odd fair has come to town with all manner of old-fashioned clowns, fire-eaters, and jugglers. The character(s) get their hands on tickets to see the show and cannot resist.

Carnivals never came to town anymore. At least, not in the way Steph wished they would. She wanted the covered wagons, the eccentric performers, the huge tents that got set up in abandoned lots overnight and then disappeared a few days later. She thought about it every time Circ de Sole or Barnum and Bailey passed through, and every time she was disappointed. She didn’t care for shows like that at all. Those felt so stiff and controlled to her. She wanted mystery and wonder, and despite what her common sense told her, she refused to believe it wasn’t out there somewhere.

Ping!

A text broke her out of her daydream. She picked up her phone.

“You doing anything today?” read the text from her friend, Meg.

“Eh, not really. You want to hang out?” she replied.

“Yeah, I found this flyer in my mailbox this morning that I think you’ll enjoy.”

Meg sent a picture of the flyer in question. “Traveling carnival” the text read, “all the way from Albany, New York!” Steph’s eyes widened as she continued reading. The flyer advertised carnival games, food, circus acts in the bigtop, an exhibit of oddities from around the world, and even a freak show. All being set up in a public lot off the highway. One weekend only.

“Holy shit!!” Steph texted, “We are going.”

“Lol, I thought you might say that. I’ll come pick you up. Don’t tell your mom or there’s no way she��ll let you go.”

“Ok, but she’s going to kick my ass when she finds out, and you know she will find out.”

“Oh no, how will we survive the wrath of Mrs. Shapiro?”

“Shut up! She’s scary when she wants to be. :(“

Sketchy traveling circus on the edge of town. That couldn’t possibly go wrong.

Meg arrived fifteen minutes later in her beat up Honda that used to belong to her brother. A tangle of Funko keychains and little voodoo style yarn dolls hung from her front mirror. Steph had many memories of the things almost hitting her when Meg took turns a little too hard. It was a wonder a cop hadn’t pulled her over yet, citing the collection as a hazard obstructing her vision.

Steph got in the car and they took off down the road towards the edge of town. As they reached the highway, the tents came into view. One large red and white striped tent took up most of the space. Strings of lights ran off the top and into the rows of smaller tents and booths surrounding it. Further back, removed from the colorful chaos, were short rows of plainer, more modern looking, tents that likely belonged to the workers. Steph wondered how they had gotten to the lot as she didn’t see so much as a pickup truck nearby.

They must have parked those further away or something.

They pulled into the gravel lot that functioned as a parking lot. Surprisingly, there was a handful of other cars parked there as well. Among the tents, Steph spotted a few people milling around. Her concentration was broken as something flew through the air and landed in her lap.

“Take that,” Meg said, “Just in case.”

Steph picked up the canister.

“Pepper spray?! Meg what the hell do you think is going to happen?”

“I don’t know! This is a sketchy out of town carnival. I’m not stupid. Just put it in your pocket.”

Steph rolled her eyes but did as Meg said. They got out of the car and approached the carnival.

A huge sign out front, also covered in lights, welcomed them to the show. Some music played over loudspeakers spread out throughout the carnival, though without any crowds to fill the space, it sounded more eerie than cheerful. Further away, Steph could see some of the few visitors walking down the fairway among a few people in colorful costumes who seemed to be stationed at various points throughout the area. As a couple walked by, one of the performers began juggling pins, which was met with applause.

“Welcome to the carnival, ladies!” a booming voice called.

Steph and Meg turned as a broad, hairy man in an old fashioned tailcoat approached them.

“My name is Cornelius. I’m the manager of this fine establishment,” he said, holding his hand out to shake.

Steph was surprised by how firm his grip was, though there was little for him to hold. Her hands were completed dwarfed by his.

“Uh, Steph. This is Meg,” she said.

“Are you two from around here?”

“Yeah, we live in town.”

“Excellent! Let me just tell you where everything is. We have games that way, where you can win some prizes. Our curio museum is off to your left, along with an exhibit about this carnival’s history. Quite fascinating, and much older than me,” he sad with a laugh, “Food is directly ahead before the big tent there. The funnel cake is to die for. We will have some circus acts in the big top throughout the day, although…” his voice dropped to a conspiratorial tone, “you really should come back later tonight. We pull out all the stops for our nighttime shows.”

“What’s in them?” Meg asked.

“Oh the usual fire eaters, acrobats, clowns,” he said, “and a few things that are...a bit more bizarre.”

“Is that the freakshow your flyer was talking about?”

Cornelius smiled.

“You’ll just have to come back and see. Admission to all shows is three dollars. Any other admission fees for games or exhibits are posted. Enjoy your day!”

“Thank you!” Steph said before Cornelius turned and walked away. She looked at Meg, “We should come back. I’m super curious now.”

“Same. Let’s hit up some games.”

They walked towards the game booths and looked around at the selection. A lot of the prizes looked like typical carnival fare. Stuffed animals, both big and small. Inflatable swords. Plastic doodads that would break within a week. However, mixed in with the junk were items that looked like they didn’t quite belong. Eccentric hats decorated with lace and feathers. Ornate coffee mugs and tea cups. A string of fairy lights. An Xbox controller. A framed sepia photo of a man wearing a monocle. Neckties. Dolls.

“Man, this place is weird,” Steph said, “Did you see the-?”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence. As she turned her head to look at Meg, she felt her shoulder collide with something. Something rattled as it fell to the ground. She stopped and whipped her head back around to see who she’d bumped into and came face to face with a startled looking boy.

“Uh, I-I’m so sorry,” he stammered, stooping to pick up the plastic crate of cheap carnival prizes he’d been carrying, “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

The boy’s accent was odd, and Steph had trouble placing it. It was subtle, something European. German maybe? She wasn’t sure. He looked about their age, though it was hard to tell with his soft, delicate features. He was very pretty to look at, but the longer Steph stared, the more unsettled she became. His skin was too pale, almost translucent, and against his scraggly black hair it seemed to glow. His gray, wool coat, threadbare around the hem and cuffs with mismatched brass buttons, swallowed him up even though it looked small enough to fit her. His dark eyes never seemed to stop moving, even as he spoke, as if he were afraid to look anyone in the eye. She wondered if this boy was homeless or something and wondered when he’d last eaten.

Maybe I should buy him a hotdog from one of the stands.

“No, it’s alright,” she said, reaching down to pick up a stuffed snake that had bounced out of the crate, “I’m the one who wasn’t paying attention.”

“Whoa, you didn’t win all those did you?” Meg asked.

“Oh, no, no,” the boy said, “I, um, I work here.”

Steph put the stuffed snake in the boy’s crate and smiled.

“Really? That’s really cool,” she said.

The boy just shrugged.

“I’m Steph,” she said, holding her hand out.

The boy hesitated a moment before shifting the crate to one arm and reaching out to shake her hand.

“Wolfram,” he said.

Meg frowned.

“Uh...b-...ball-fram?” she asked, “Sorry, can you run that by me again?”

“‘Vawl-frahm,’” he said slowly, “Though you’d spell it like ‘wolf ram.’”

“Oh. Is that German or something?”

“Germanic, yes, but I’m actually Austrian.”

“Wow, you’re from Austria?” Steph asked.

“Ja.”

“That’s super cool! I’ve never been there before. My family went to Paris once when I was little, but I barely remember it.”

Wolfram smiled a little.

“Paris is nice. I’ve been there a few times,” he said.

“Ugh, you guys are lucky. I’ve never even been out of the country,” Meg said.

Wolfram opened his mouth to say something else, but he was cut off by a gruff shout from across the fairway from a tall man in a colorful silk shirt.

“Wolfram! Stop chatting and get back to work!”

Wolfram’s quiet smile evaporated and was immediately replaced by fear. He hunched his shoulders and looked down at the ground.

“Sorry, I have to go,” he said before immediately hurrying away.

“Nice...talking to you,” Steph started to say, but he was already out of earshot.

Meg frowned at the man who had shouted, who was now walking back behind the various game booths towards the cluster of plain tents near the back of the carnival.

“Dick,” she muttered, “Did you see the look on that poor kid’s face?”

“Yeah, he looked like he was sick or something. I hope he’s ok. He seemed nice,” Steph said.

They made their way through the games, trying their hand at winning some of the weird prizes. By the end of it, their cash was almost gone, but they managed to acquire a steampunk looking top hat, a lace shawl, and a handful of old-fashioned windup toys.

“I’m definitely wearing this for Halloween,” Meg said, adjusting the top hat.

“You’re lucky. I don’t think that thing would fit over my hair,” Steph said.

“I still cannot believe how cheap it is to play these games. And for stuff like this!”

“They must not have given out a ton of flyers, otherwise I’m sure more people would be swarming to this place.”

“We’re coming back later for that show, right?” Meg asked, “That guy at the entrance got me. I’m super curious now. Oh! And we should bring some of our friends with us.”

“Yeah, definitely!”

As they headed towards the entrance, Steph spotted a familiar face lurking by one of the booths, watching them. She smiled and waved.

“Are you leaving?” Wolfram asked.

“Yeah, but we’ll be back for the show later,” she said.

“Oh, I see.”

“Will you be there?” Meg asked.

“Uh...yes. I’m, ah, in it actually.”

“Wait really? What are you doing?”

Wolfram stared at the ground and fidgeted with his coat. He forced a smile.

“You’ll have to come back and see,” he said.

“Oh fine, be like that,” Meg said.

“I guess we’ll see you then,” Steph said.

“Yeah…” Wolfram said, “See you then…”

Spotlights whirled around the big top. The sounds of trumpets and drums battered the air.

“Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of all ages, welcome to the main event! The show you’ve all been waiting for! We’ve traveled the globe in search of the most talented, the most daring, the most funny, and the most bizarre performers we could find, and tonight they’re all here to show you a sight you’ll not soon forget! Please welcome your ring master, Dervish!”

The spotlights all centered on a tall entryway at the back of the stage. For a split second there was silence before a woman on horseback burst forth into the ring. The horse jingled as it moved due to the dozens of golden metal cones hanging from its saddle and bridle. It ran a lap around the ring, head and tail held high, before coming to a stop in the center. The ring master dismounted, revealing a costume even more colorful. On top she wore a jacket reminiscent of a classic military waistcoat, but on bottom she wore a flowing, uneven skirt made of fabrics of every kind and color. She twirled, showing off the kaleidoscope she wore, and tipped her rather plain fez to the audience. The crowd clapped, and Steph had to admit she was already completely taken in by this woman.

“Good evening!” she said, “Are you folks ready for a great show?”

The audience cheered. A performer in a red and gold leotard ran out from backstage to lead the horse away. Still more performers, all in different costumes, came out and began setting up a few platforms and boxes of covered items as Dervish continued to speak.

“What a great crowd! We’re going to have fun tonight, I can tell, but we can’t get too crazy right off the bat. We’ll warm up with something simple, but don’t be fooled. Here at the carnival, nothing is ever as it appears. Please welcome, our jugglers!” she said, gesturing towards backstage as a team of four came running out, big smiles on their faces.

Meg leaned over and spoke into Steph’s ear.

“The show hasn’t even started, and already I know they should be charging more than three bucks for this,” she said.

The acts came one after the other with very little room to breathe, and all of them left Steph absolutely dazzled. Jugglers, acrobats, daredevil bikers, a dog team, a magician, and a clown that managed to make even Meg, who couldn’t stand mimes, laugh. As the hour wound down, Dervish came out to address the audience.

“We’re going to take a brief intermission, everyone, and when you return we’ll start part two of our show. You’ve seen high-flying talent, now get ready to see feats that no amount of practice can accomplish. Some of what you see may frighten or disturb you, but I assure you...the spectacle will be so very worth it,” she said.

She grinned, and the lights went out. When they came back up throughout the whole tent, she was gone, leaving the audience alone to their own devices. Meg elbowed Steph.

“Hey you know what this means, right? That boy we talked to earlier must be part of the freak show,” she said.

“Gosh, I almost forgot about him,” Steph said, “That was amazing.”

“I’ll say!” one of their friends, Jonah, said, “I’ve never seen any circus that holds a candle to what they’re doing. I’m surprised they have a freak show, though. Aren’t those like...not ethical anymore?”

Meg shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe that’s why they have it outside town,” she said.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. They’d get shut down if they were doing anything illegal. You guys want to grab a snack?” Steph asked.

The trio got up and walked back outside to the clearing of food stands outside the tent. After grabbing some cotton candy, they wandered around the edge of the tent. Jonah tapped on Steph’s shoulder and pointed towards a smaller tent attached to the staging area. A couple of roadies were moving equipment around, and through the open flap Steph could see a huge cylindrical tank of water.

“What the hell do you think they’re doing with that?” he asked.

Steph shrugged.

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out.”

A bell outside the tent rang and the audience began filing back in. The trio followed and retook their seats as the lights went out. This time there was no music, and for a moment the tent was bathed in silence. Then, in the center of the ring, a bright light appeared. Steph squinted, trying to identify the source. Then another light appeared, right next to the first. The lights expanded and shifted until they revealed the source: a man dressed in all black. With a flick of his wrists, the lights flew out of his hands, becoming small orbs circling around the ring. Steph’s eyes widened and she leaned forward in her seat.

“I...what the hell did he just do?!” she whispered.

Meg just shrugged, eyes also wide. Jonah looked more skeptical than impressed, though even he was watching intently. The man created more and more orbs of light with broad flourishes of his hands, and as their numbers grew, their colors and movements began to change. The balls danced around in ever changing patterns for several minutes, creating a fantastic light show that culminated in all the orbs coming together to form a huge, swirling ball of flashing colors that seemed to engulf its creator before disappearing in a flash. The spotlights came back up, and for a second the audience could do nothing but gape. The applause that eventually followed was deafening.

Dervish walked back out, a smug smile on her face.

“If you folks enjoyed that, then you’re going to love the rest of the show. We have more performances like this that will shake the very foundation of what you thought was possible,” she said, “Next up, it is my pleasure to introduce Gordo, the colossus!”

Jonah shook his head and looked at Steph and Meg.

“I don’t believe this,” he said, “They got us all warmed up with the normal acts, so we’d be more likely to buy the impossible, but there has to be some trick here. Some angle.”

Meg scoffed.

“How? Do you know how to fake literal floating orbs of light?” she asked.

“Well, no, but that’s why it looks so real, because it looks impossible,” he said, “Come on let’s find another angle to watch from. I bet from the side or from behind we’ll see some of their tricks.”

Without waiting for Steph or Meg to agree, Jonah got up and started leaving the stand. Steph felt a stab of panic and got up to follow. Meg hesitated, an incredulous look in her eyes, before finally relenting and following as well. They slipped outside the tent and walked around the sides. The bottoms of the tent flaps were staked into the ground, but there were some gaps where a person could just stick their head under.

“Um, guys, don’t you think we’re a little close to the backstage area?” Meg asked, “What if someone sees us?”

“They’re too busy with the show,” Jonah said, “Don’t worry about it.”

They laid down on the ground and watched the show from the side as a huge man lifted cars and blocks of concrete that other, far weaker, members of the cast dragged out for him. Jonah elbowed Meg.

“Styrofoam I bet,” he whispered.

“But how do you explain just how big he is?” Steph asked.

“I don’t know, steroids?”

The act ended and Gordo took a bow as Dervish came back out into the ring.

“Next, you’ve heard tales since childhood of mermaids and sirens and spirits of the water, but no one has never really found proof of their existence. That is, until us. From a far away ocean, I present Wolfram, the boy who can breathe underwater!” she said.

“Whoa, what?!” Meg whispered, “That’s so cool!”

The huge tank of water with a wooden platform attached was wheeled out into the ring, and following behind was Wolfram, still wearing his wool coat. Jonah frowned.

“That’s supposed to be a mermaid?” he asked.

“To be fair, they didn’t say he was a mermaid, they just said he was proof of their existence,” Meg said.

“Oooh, ok, I see their angle now. Tell me when you see the oxygen tank I’m sure is in there.”

Wolfram and another performer climbed the ladder up to the top of the tank. Wolfram shrugged off his coat and pulled off his shoes, leaving him in only a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He paused at the edge of the tank and took a breath before jumping down into the water.

“Start the timer!” Dervish said, waving at two other performers who had brought out a comically large digital clock. One of them hit a button and the seconds began counting up.

“The longest any human in history has ever been able to hold their breath without the aid of oxygen beforehand was eleven minutes and thirty five seconds,” Dervish continued, “Though the average human wouldn’t even come close. I say this only to give you proof of our diver’s power. Now, we could sit here all day watching him, but you folks came here for a show! We’ll check back on Wolfram in a bit, how does that sound?”

The audience clapped, and the performers wheeled the tank and clock off to the side. Steph, Meg, and Jonah quickly pulled back as the performers came closer.

“This is perfect,” Jonah whispered, “There has to be something over here giving him air, you think? Since we’re so close we’ll be able to see it.”

“Or maybe he really can breathe underwater,” Meg said, “I mean, look at the first guy who performed. This is like...this is some crazy shit!”

“We’ll see,” he said, sticking his head back under the tent.

The next act came into the ring, but Steph found she was only half paying attention. She looked at Wolfram, half floating at the bottom of the tank, and she frowned. It was hard to see his facial expressions from her angle, but something seemed off. His face looked blank and neutral, but every once in awhile he would twitch a leg or an arm or a grimace would cross his face. His chest heaved, but Steph had an awful feeling that he wasn’t breathing.

“If he can breathe underwater,” she whispered, “shouldn’t he have gills or something?”

“Aw come on, are you agreeing with Jonah now?” Meg asked.

“Well, I don’t know, it’s just...something feels wrong.”

Another act went on. More time passed. The clock hit the eleven minute and thirty five second mark.

“There you have it folks! A record beat!” Dervish said, gesturing to the tank, “What do you think of that?”

The audience cheered. Wolfram smiled and waved inside the tank.

“But!” Dervish continued, “We can do one better. The longest time anyone has ever held their breath, through any means necessary, was twenty-two minutes. Not an easy feat, but for Wolfram here? Child’s play. Keep the clock going! We’ll check back in on him later.”

Steph felt a twinge in her gut. She watched Wolfram through the glass as the spotlights moved back to the center of the ring. As soon as they did, his posture changed. He wilted, as if he wanted to curl into a ball and sink to the bottom of the tank, but he forced himself to stay upright. Keep the performance going. Steph was sure from the stands the changes were hard to see, but up close it put a queasy feeling in her stomach.

“Something’s wrong,” she whispered, “Look at his face.”

Meg followed her gaze, and even Jonah seemed concerned. Meg frowned.

“You sure that’s not just, you know, his face? I mean when we met him earlier he looked pretty nervous,” she said.

Steph shook her head.

“No that’s not it. I’ve been watching him,” she said, “Something’s off.”

Two more acts. Ten minutes. Thirty seconds. Dervish called the crowd’s attention back to the tank and they began counting down the last ten seconds. The lights illuminated the tank, and Wolfram gave another smile for the audience, though to Steph it looked pained. The digital timer flashed as it hit twenty-two minutes. Cheers erupted from the stands.

“Give Wolfram a hand folks!” Dervish said as performers came out to wheel the tank away.

Steph ducked out from under the tent and stood. She began walking along the edge of the tent towards backstage.

“Steph, where the hell are you going?!” Meg hissed.

“Making sure he’s ok,” Steph whispered back before continuing on. She crept over to the entrance flap and peered inside. All the performers, faces both familiar and unfamiliar, were waiting around, getting ready for their acts or waiting for the show to end. She watched as the tank of water was wheeled off stage and towards the back of the staging area. Dervish followed behind, her enthusiastic showmanship gone completely. Her movements were sharp as she gestured to the performers by the tank.

“Get him out of there! Hurry up!” she snapped.

Two performers climbed the ladder and got into the water. Wolfram couldn’t even grasp their hands to pull himself up, but this didn’t seem to bother either of them as they hauled him up to the platform. He was eerily still as they carefully lowered him off the platform and into Dervish’s arms. She turned him over and gave his back a solid thump, and he immediately began spluttering and convulsing, water pouring from his mouth. She rubbed his back as he gasped for air, unable to so much as cough as he struggled to expel the water from his lungs. Finally he drew in a rattling breath, a haunting sound that no healthy human being should have been able to make, and began to cough.

“Dervish, you’re going to miss your cue!” a man barked.

Steph looked towards the source and saw Cornelius, the manager who had spoke to them earlier in the day. He wore no smile now as he looked at his employees. Dervish looked up at him, not bothering to hide the anger in her eyes. She said something to Wolfram before standing and heading back towards the stage. One of the performers draped a blanket around Wolfram’s head and shoulders as he began to shake, still spitting up water. Steph felt nauseous, but she couldn’t stop watching. She jumped as she noticed Jonah and Meg’s presence next to her.

“Well, Jonah, you were wrong,” she said, “There wasn’t a tank of oxygen in there.”

“How the hell is he still alive?!” Meg hissed, “He should have drowned five minutes in!”

She turned and looked at Jonah.

“Still think it was a trick?”

For once, Jonah was at a loss for words. Steph watched as the performer helped Wolfram up and started leading him away from the others towards the exit.

“Crap! Go, go, go,” Steph hissed, pushing Meg and Jonah away from the entrance. They ran away from the tent and ducked behind a booth nearby as Wolfram and the performer left the tent and headed across the field to the smaller tents on the edge. As soon as the performer was gone and heading back to the bigtop, Steph made her move. She heard Meg whisper something frantic behind her, but she didn’t stop. She bolted across the field, straight for the tent she saw them enter, and ducked inside.

The tent was plain and nearly empty with only a cot, an electric lantern, and a small chest. Curled into a ball on the cot, still wrapped up in the blanket, was Wolfram. His eyes were wide, and he stared at her with a mixture of fear and confusion.

“You,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, “What are you doing here?”

“I...uh,” Steph stammered. She turned as Meg and Jonah ducked into the tent behind her. She looked back at Wolfram, “Are you ok?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“We saw what happened backstage! You sounded like you were dying!”

“You saw? I...You really shouldn’t be here,” Wolfram said, eyes darting towards the entrance. He sat forward, the blanket falling off his head, exposing his gaunt face to the dim light of the lantern. His lips looked blue, and red rings had formed around his irises where blood vessels had burst. Water dripped from his hair and ran down his face as he continued to shiver.

“Well, no probably not, but...We just watched you drown for twenty minutes! I wasn’t going to just…” Steph stopped and took a breath.

“How the hell did you survive that?” Meg asked.

“Meg, not now.”

Wolfram looked down at the ground, gripping the blanket tighter.

“You really, really need to go,” he said.

“No. Something’s wrong here. I knew it the moment I saw you,” Steph said, “Did you volunteer for that? Or did they make you?”

Wolfram squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against his knees.

“Please, just leave,” he whispered.

“Tell me you did that out of your own free will, and we will.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he said, “We all make sacrifices to keep this place running. It’s the only place any of us are safe.”

“Well you don’t look very safe to me,” Steph said.

“They can’t hurt me.”

“Then what the hell do you call that?!” she asked, gesturing towards the big top.

“No, you don’t understand, I…” he paused and took a breath, as if debating whether or not he should say anything, “If they leave me in there for twenty minutes or twenty hours it won’t make a difference. Stab me, shoot me, it doesn’t matter. The outcome is the same because I can’t die.”

He looked up, holding her gaze for the first time since they met. She paused, trying to wrap her head around his statement.

“You...you can’t die?” she asked.

“No.”

“What? That’s ludicrous,” Jonah said.

Meg scoffed.

“You’re going to call that ludicrous? After what we just saw? How else would you explain that, genius?” she asked.

“How did...how did that happen?” Steph asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know when it started, I just know when I found out,” Wolfram said, “That was...ages ago. Decades.”

Meg stared at him.

“Sorry, did you say decades?”

“Ok, well, ability to die aside, that doesn’t make this right,” Steph said, “They’re still hurting you! That’s not ok! You need to get out of here!”

Wolfram looked down at the floor again.

“I can’t,” he said, “Where would I go? Besides, it’s really not as bad here as it looks. They feed me and give me a place to live. People to rely on. I won’t find that anywhere else.”

“We can give you that,” Steph said, “If you come with us, you won’t have to figure this all out by yourself. We’ll help you find somewhere safe, and no one will hurt you like this again. I promise. We’ll figure something out.”

“Whoa, hang on,” Meg said, “Steph, you’re talking about bringing some random person into you house! Where the hell is he going to stay? What are you going to tell your mom?!”

“We’ll make something up. My mom’s the one who taught me that if you can help someone, you should. I’m sure she’d understand.”

“I…” Meg sighed, “This is not a good idea.”

Steph looked back at Wolfram.

“Wolfram, please,” she said, “You know this isn’t right. Let us help you.”

He looked at her, eyes wide but not with fear.

“You barely know me. We spoke twice only this afternoon,” he said.

“That doesn’t matter to me. No one deserves this. Are you coming or not?”

She held her hand out towards him. For a moment none of them said anything. Then he reached out and put his hand in hers.

“Alright.”

Steph smiled.

“Everything’s going to be ok.”

#31horrificdays #writing challenge #original writing #original characters #freak show #circus #carnival #should I tag this for abuse?#like it's not overt but it's like...really obvious it's happening #because freak shows are nightmares #whatever I'll just go ahead and tag it #abuse tw

5 notes · View notes

elcisa-blog · 7 years ago

Text

hello hello yall, it’s your gal ronnie with a second muse!! this is my honey eloisa and i have so many ideas for her and i’m so excited to bring her to life since i’ve been dying to play her properly for so long, so PLease feel free to come plot w/ us ok ? OK ! anyway, her full bio can be found here if you feel so inclined, but it’s a bit long, so i’ll have a couple points under the cut summarizing it. also under the cut are some wanted connections ! that’s pretty much it for now, k byE

that’s not EMILY RATAJKOWSKI walking around?? nah, but ELOISA GOMOLKA gets that all the time. SHE’S actually from TORQUAY, ENGLAND, though they live in LA JOLLA now. you’ve probably heard that 23 year old SERVER of CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN being referred to as the ZEALOT of this place. you know, i always see them EXPLORING AND TRAVELING or blasting A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD on their lunch break..whatever.

alright so my baby was born and raised in torquay, england to a pretty religious, polish family. her father is polish and her mother is english, but their lifestyle and culture at home was very much polish based

also her actual birth name is katarzyna eloisa gomolka, but growing up in england, many people had a hard time pronouncing her first name so her friends & classmates and all that often called her by her middle name instead -- eloisa. so it eventually stuck and she legally changed around her first & middle names. .. .

this girl loves loves loves learning languages and studying other cultures and lifestyles , like in school , she was always that girl that took as many foreign language classes as she could. she knows the basics to a bunch of different languages but she’s fluent in english, polish, french, and spanish.

also shes WILD ok . . . like her own weird brand of wild. she’s so Unexpected .. . its strange. but i love her sm. she’s loud, opinionated, stubborn, unpredictable, SUPER adventurous, you name it. she’s either laughing her ass off with childish excitement or spewing fire From her mouth, knowing NO boundaries . . there’s no in between like . . . shes so random, all over the place and all in your face most of the time im sorry . . . & when she loves u she clingy

anyway she also used to play the violin and horseback ride a lot growing up. her grandpa from her moms side taught her how to ride horses and she loved going to his farm in the english countryside to ride & hear his wise stories and all that. he was like her hero.

however, one day, right before eloisa was about to start her last year of high school . . . long story short . . . there was an accident and grandpa passed away *cries* . . . el took his death super hard since they were so close . . which caused her to get less enthusiastic about going to college and she just lost all interest at caring at all tbh, becoming more of a troublemaker at school, so her grades dropped her last year and so did all her aspirations for her future

after high school, instead of enrolling in postsecondary, she just wanted to get away from it all so she decided to trust in her adventurous side and partake in a work abroad program where she would be backpacking across south america, teaching english and helping build up communities. she did that until she was twenty-one. it was a Wild ride

in the midst of the program, while in colombia, she got involved w/ some sketchy dude who was in the drugs and car stealing business . . . she loved the thrill & she thought she was so in love BUt he was super gross and toxic and ended up betraying her, stealing her money, and leaving her on the side of the road one night on one of his heists. aNYWAY it sucked

she finished the program and then decided to work for the work abroad program’s headquarters, which are situated in california. . . so thats how she got to san diego

eventually her position there terminated but she decided to stay in cali bc its very much her type of vibe SO now shes working at fashion valley & thats where yall come in

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS

OPPOSITES ATTRACT -- cheesy name but i think it’d be cool for her to have a pal who’s kind of the complete or near opposite of her but they kind of work ? ? like honestly this girl can TALK and ramble on for so long about random shit, so i think it’d be an interesting dynamic for her to have someone who just lets her Go Off and they just like to listen to her talk and she just likes having someone to listen to her . . . inspo is from this pic right HERE

EAT THIS -- while in south america, el kind of developed a huge respect and love for cuisine and cooking so now shes kind of obsessed with searching up random, exotic recipes and trying them out. sometimes her cooking backfires and is not the greatest but shes so determined to get things right and just loves Doing it so much that she doesnt care. . . so maybe she can have like a taste testing buddy or someone who likes to cook w her or something idk ? ? shfskd omg HC: she works as a server at ca pizza kitchen but i s2g she prob always tries to sneak in the kitchen and help cook But since shes so all over the place, theyre always like “ EL GTFO OF HeRE !!!!!”

MOTHER HEN / PAPA BEAR -- this girl needs someone to keep her in line some of the time okay. she doesnt have any family here in cali so she’d love to have someone who takes care of her and makes sure she doesnt go too far .. like someone she looks up to in a sister/brother/guardian figure type of way ? ?

ZOOLOGY -- eloisa doesnt have any pets .. . she can hardly take care of herself like what u think imma let this girl have a dog ? ? NO she can have a pet ROCK ( she does ) . . . but she loves animals so she’d love hAving a pal where she can just come by and play w their pets or smthg like she’ll be the best play mate ever .. . i just wouldnt trust her to take care of ur animal for a week or smthg lmao

ADVENTURE TIME -- if u ever just want to do something crazy or try something new. . . literally just hit up eloisa . . . so i’d love for her to have friends who just text her up like i’m Not feeling good take me somewhere. . . and SHE WILL . . .or even if they’re not sad and just want to do something exciting . .. hit her up

OOPS :( -- ok So el can be a bit clumsy and random so i think a cool connection with someone would be like maybe one day eloisa broke something of theirs or fucked up their car or dyed their hair wrong or something stupid like that . . . basically eloisa fucked up . . . and ever since then, that person doesnt really trust her anymore and is kind of annoyed with her presence in general . . . BUT eloisa feels so BAD and guilty about it so now she basically tries to do everything in her power to make it up to the other person but they just keep not having it yknow ? ?

ORANGE CRUSH -- ok ur typical crush plot bc theyre so fluffy and cute. . . but i think maybe a plot where the crush doesnt even have to be super romantic or sexual yknow ? ? like i can definitely see eloisa just being so interested in everything the other person does and just loving being around them and loving everything they do . . . so obsessed w their comportments . . . but it can be in such a fluffy, platonic way like That feeling when u see a rly cute puppy or baby penguin . . . eloisa just wants to hug ur muse and love them But not even sexually yknow ? ?

TAKE ME WITH YOU -- ok i love this plot sm . . . maybe like a friendship where they both want to see the world together ? ? eloisa is really big on travelling so id love for her to have a friend where they’ve been slowly putting together their dream trip where they see the world together. and their friendship is so heavily based on them sending each other places around the world where they want to go and putting together bucketlists and itineraries for if they ever end up saving money and travelling together ? ? so fun

SCIENCE PROJECT -- there’s not much that scares el and she doesnt get pushed away so easily . .. but i think an interesting dynamic could be if there actually was someone who kind of freaks her out yknow?? a relationship where the person actually kind of intimidates her and theres just something about the person that makes eloisa question everything .. . kind of like a science project. shes always studying them carefully, unsure of how to react to what they say . . . they’re just bizarre to her and she wants to know more

POKE ! -- basically someone she loves to annoy and pick on , but not in a hateful way

TEACH ME -- maybe someone who is teaching eloisa a new skill or language or how to do something that they’re good at because eloisa would love that so much .. . she loves trying new things.. . .like honestly anything .. . even if she keeps failing

TINDER DATE -- ok so in my head, i feel like eloisa would be that type of person to troll people on tinder and play around with them .. so maybe your muse got caught up in her trap once and she trolled them on tinder lmao ? ? ? i think thatd be so funny and she just loves laughing about it all the time . .

I DO . . . WAIT, NO, I DON’T ! -- ok So this is inspired by that one episode in friends where rachel and ross get married drunk in vegas once . . . so Like literally that lmao. like that is SO something that would happen to el. like maybe one time, they found themselves in vegas together, they got super drunk, and legit got married that same night super quick ? ? ? and obviously theyre divorced now but i think that’d be a funny dynamic and lil treasure of the past to have in a friendship/relationship

SOME TYPICAL ONES THAT I CANT GET ENOUGH OF -- exes, flings, hook ups, went on a few dates in the past, best friends ( someone to braid her hair and take bubble baths w her <3 ), enemies ( maybe someone who doesnt agree w how she lives her life or her whole vibe bc she can be a bit much sometimes lmao ), etc.

or literally anything else lol

#fvhqooc #wow im sorry its LOng #dont hate me #but its good i promise #° ⟡ ⁝ ─ crumpled notes › OOC.#i just had SO MANY connection ideas bye #i think everything makes sense .. . . . ..

10 notes · View notes

clickntreat · 7 years ago

Text

Can’t get a read more to work, so sorry, you’re gonna have to scroll past this whole thing if you don’t wanna read about horse training stuff

(or just press j if you’re not on mobile)

So, more background to explain what Lady knows/what I’ve done with her so far since some have asked and for a bit of clarification. Some video has been posted and more will be posted soon too. This is concerning the behavior analysis/ training post I made last week so I’m tagging those that responded

@themotherfuckingclickerkid @clickerhorse @clickercake @mylittlehony @french-link @theclassicalhorse @spanishequestrian

(I hope I didn’t miss anyone?) and @anyone else who is interested/wants to help: As far as NH stuff, (skip this paragraph if not relevant to what you meant you needed to know? kinda long. it covers about 8 years of our lives. I summarize at the end of this paragraph with a tl;dr anyways) taught her the typical groundwork stuff like backing up and moving hind and forequarters away from pressure via direct pressure applied to her sides/chest/nose as well as those “mean looks” backed up by waving sticks around aggressively and hitting if she was unresponsive and wiggling the rope and whatnot. “Desensitizing” to swinging the whip around, ropes tossed around her, plastic bag, being touched everywhere, etc. and the NH version of “lunging” / “lunging for respect” (ugh). Did the whole join up thing, spent some time using John Lyons stuff which inspired me to teach her to set herself up at the mounting block (kinda) uh… then my journey took me to Parelli so did the basics of his games, which taught her somewhat to target things (I used this to actually get them to allow me to deworm them without restraints by just giving them treats first for targeting the dewormer, then for letting me stick it in their mouth further and further, etc. Went very well! Probably a key part of me beginning my clicker journey lol). She was always very laid back and very lazy, and therefore very motivated by rest, I learned to use after way too long, and also food ofc, but that was a no-no. I needed Respect from her, not to bribe her. She nearly always required at least one physical hit to get her anywhere beyond a walk, under saddle and on the ground. Under saddle, I rode in a more western fashion, and was inspired like many other little girls by Stacey Westfall’s bridleless performance, and so tried to train for that just by giving a cue to turn that required no reins (I always used outside leg to turn her away from the pressure, idk what you guys consider correct) before backing it up with a neck rein and then a direct rein. Made… some progress there. When I rode bridleless, at the best I got using -R, could get w/t/c with a whip and Lady was always willing to stop so that was no problem, but turning was basically only if she wanted to turn that way anyways. Things improved slightly when I began rewarding big efforts like attempting a jump or trotting/cantering on cue with a break or ending the session, then it reached the point she began charging at the nearest jumpable object if I asked for anything more than a walk just so she could stop. Began rewarding for not charging at a jump uncued/not rewarding an uncued jump and that helped… soon after I began clicker training..

(tl;dr she knows basic NH groundwork, and is essentially green broke with those methods, and was never very willing to cooperate/took a lot of force usually to do anything besides walk aimlessly and I don’t blame her)

Side note, also summarized at the end, I did train her to do some tricks during that NH time period, and I did train those with +R, “because they were tricks, not necessary behaviors” or whatever. Those include smiling, giving kisses, hugs, standing on a platform, striking her foot out when I did to train spanish walk (never got that finished), started training a bow??, which would’ve led to lay down but decided to not train that bc I was afraid she’d just start laying down to get out of work lol, I now regret training bow bc 1. I never finished it and 2. she offers it when I pick up her left foot and hold it for longer than she likes, and smiling bc she offers it sometimes when I just wanna touch her face and isn’t very impressive lol, but the others are great. The kiss is good for when she doesn’t seem to be getting what I’m asking, so I use that to kind of “restart” before trying again with a smaller step or clearer cue or something, and it and the hug are just cute af imo, and she never offers them in an aggressive or nervous way so it’s okay when she offers them off cue, I just don’t reward lol. The leg thing is especially useful. On trails or in new places, when she’s nervous, I can use it to bring her focus back on me and it calms her down very well. It also set us up for “do as I do” so she now steps forward/backward/on things with the same foot I do, which is also very useful. With another horse they might not have worked that way, but for her they’re great.

(tl;dr she knows some tricks)

Idk how to summarize the rest so no more tl;dr’s

Last summer (2016) was when I began clicker training. I spent several sessions - with all the horses actually- charging the clicker with non-mugging exercises, clicking and treating when they quit searching my bag for treats, and once that was solid, clicking for calm, head forward behavior. Once that was solid and they made it obvious they knew click=treat, I started working on other things, but not much with the other horses so just talking about Lady again now: I made a target with a ~6″ section of pool noodle slipped over the end of a riding crop, did some work with that; in general did everything I used to do, but would only ask with the lightest pressure and reward any attempt with a click and treat, and never punish if she didn’t do as I asked. (example: lightly touch her shoulder with my finger, maybe kiss to let her know “I’m asking you to move” and if she leaned her weight slightly away, great, I’d click and treat. If not, I just didn’t reward. eventually of course she would actually step until i quit asking and rewarded) She became much more willing in everything.

Side note just to brag: My favorite development since using clicker training with her is that since we only have the pasture and the round pen to work with, and with treats they all want to be by me to get some, I need them restrained away from me, so I pour some grain in the round pen to lure the horses in then lock them up, and when they’re done eating, take the one I want to work with out. After a few times, Lady began walking out with me instead of eating the grain with her buddies! I can think of no higher honor than being chosen over grain with her buddies… she’s “second in the hierarchy” so it’s not like she has to fight for it. and if for whatever reason I make her stay in there, she nickers to me whenever I look in her direction <3

Anyways, so with clicker training, on the ground, as far as things she has down very well, she has learned to not mug/default to standing calmly with head relaxed and somewhere not in my pockets and to boop a target. I also use clicker training to reward standing still for grooming and fly spray and for allowing me to clean and trim her feet, which are things she already did, but now I reward her for it. idk if that’s good/bad/neutral or what...

Under saddle, first I taught her to position herself by the mounting block when I stood there. I did this to give her a chance to tell me she doesn’t want to be ridden. I don’t ride much right now bc I’ve become more concerned with saddle fit/bareback hurting her (I’ll probably be asking for help with that soon) so she doesn’t really know this, but end goal is to have her consent to being ridden by standing there for me (obviously, not standing there would be her refusing), and to be able to tell me she doesn’t want to anymore by returning to the mounting block. Under saddle, after maybe two or three short bareback and bridleless sessions using clicker training, she now turns willingly every time I ask.

On the ground, what I have been working with her on since I got back home from college is just staying by me and doing as I do, not getting ahead of me, etc. and she actually offered a behavior last week that I’ve been shaping since. I was at her side and turned about 45 degrees from her, and she stepped her hindquarters over so that she was aligned with me, facing the same direction, and that’s kinda what inspired the work on the ground that I’ve been doing. Just stay by my side, if I turn, you turn, if I step over, you step over, if I step back, you step back, etc. I use (what I think is?) a high rate of reward, never asking for more than like… an absolute max of 6 steps/strides before rewarding, and usually averaging closer to 2 or 3, even with stuff we’ve done for a long time, and of course clicking for the slightest try for new things. I break up that work with rewarding for standing still when I’m not cueing anything to remind her that sometimes I just want her to stand still.

The only time she pins her ears is when I ask her to trot/canter, and she never does anything actually aggressive/puts me at risk, and her ears aren’t even super pinned, just laid back a bit more than usual. Anyways, hopefully I can get the rest of the videos up today, but this explains everything I can think of, some of which might not have been caught on video.

#lady #long post #sorry #thoughts #help #clicker training #natural horsemanship #horses

5 notes · View notes

alittlebitofpersonality · 8 years ago

Text

The Four Types of Love

“What is love?” is a question that has been asked throughout the ages, by philosophers, poets, and Haddaway–insert obligatory head tip here. While that is a perfectly valid question, and you guys know how heart-eyes we are for proper definitions around here, I think instead today we’ll ask the ever so aLBoP question, “How can we use double-dichotomies and the Four Types of Information to better understand love?” Because dichotomies are sexy, dontcha know?

Conveniently, the Greeks had four main words for love. Now, my intent is to use the Four Types of Information to help us break down love into component parts, to both understand it more fully, define it more accurately, and help us apply these four sides of love to our own lives and relationships in order to see where our relationships are succeeding, and where they might stand to improve. As such, I might have to alter the definitions of the Greek terms somewhat from their originals.

The Four Types of Information are fundamentally equal, whereas it wasn’t the Greeks’ intent to make their four kinds of love equal, so it stands to me to fudge a bit. But hopefully I can still do justice to what Plato, Aristotle, etc. meant by their terms.

Now this post will rely on information found in Super Simple Part 1 about the Four Types of Information (aka 4Toi), and on Type Specializations about Scope and Objective. (And of course we go into more depth on Phase 2 and there will be Super Simple posts on Scope and Objective at some point.)

But a quick recap…

The 4Toi are:

Letters

IP – Introverted Perceiving

IJ – Introverted Judging

EJ – Extraverted Judging

EP – Extraverted Perceiving

Double-dichotomy

Specific Information

Universal Information

Specific Action

Universal Action

Type of Information

Data & Details

Principles & Trends

Action & Consequences

Observation & Motivations

Scope

Situations and Objects

World and Trends

Group and Experiences

Individuals and Reactions

Usual matching Objective

SFS

Now depending on how much aLBoP you’ve read, including Phase 2, some of this might be more or less familiar to you. One concept that I intend to explain in more depth with Volume 2 of Super Simple, is that Objective usually lines up neatly with the 4Toi as much as Scope does (bottom line of this chart), as:

IP = NT

IJ = NF

EJ = ST

EP = SF

Which makes INTP, INFJ, ESTJ and ESFP the “corners” most of the time, like in this graph from Type Specializations:

That just means that those four types are the most specialized by those types of information, which isn’t a good or a bad thing, it’s just a them thing lol.

However, in looking at the Double-dichotomy by which we’re going to break love down into segments, it seems the corners do not stay the same. This actually happens when we apply the 4Toi to lots of categories, but I haven’t talked about many of them on the main site yet. One example though, is Optimism, Pessimism and What We Do About It.

Sometimes different variables other than Scope even form the 4Toi corners! I had a post I wrote for the pre-Wordpress forum that was all about types and approach to style/fashion/appearance, etc. (Don’t worry, it’ll make its way to the main site once we release Facial Typing on the main site, since it was chock-full of real life examples… please don’t ask me how soon that will be though lol. It will be sooner if everyone plays nice on the main site

) Anyway, the placement of the types in that graph ended up very oddly placed (with reasons behind them!) with variables including “FJs” and “ST for Judging half of the cognition process” which makes it look super wonky.

Long story short, as I went to determine what the four lurve corners should be, I wasn’t too shocked to discover they weren’t the typical corners.

And actually, they line up by Objective first, which shouldn’t be too surprising considering our approaches to Love are all about desire and what we want to get out of relationships.

And so a quick recap of the four Objectives:

Letters

NT – iNtuitive Thinking

NF – iNtuitive Feeling

ST – Sensing Thinking

SF – Sensing Feeling

Double-dichotomy

Use of Concepts

Meaning of Concepts

Use of Experiences

Meaning of Experiences

Objective

Expectable – Potential Use of What Could Be

Edifying – Potential Meaning of What Could Be

Practical – Protective Use of What Is

Enjoyable – Protective Meaning of What Is

Tends to think in…

Truth and Error

Justice and Mercy

Right and Wrong

Pleasure and Pain

Usual matching Toi

Data & Details

Principles & Trends

Action & Consequences

Observation & Motivations

Can I just get the stupid out of the way and talk about how annoying it is that many would assert that “Thinking” had nothing to do with love?!?! Or, equally bothersome to me, they might imply that Thinking would make for the most “rational, non-subjective” forms of love, while Feeling would give you the most twitterpated “irrational” ones. I declare bovine feces!

We have too many posts about that already, but I can’t talk about love and feelings without at least a brief mention that any type can have a good or bad relationship with their emotions, and that’s not what makes someone F or T. Sorry to the regulars who hear that rant too often.

And while types are more likely to approach love according to their combination of these, that doesn’t mean any type, including the corners, need be unbalanced between the four types of love, and it also doesn’t mean that someone can’t lean unhealthily towards a type of love that isn’t their home type. In fact, Type Angsts often make us feel like we need to prove competence in our weaker Toi.

There is danger in trying to prove anything with a relationship, be it that your home-type of love is superior, or that you can excel at types of love that you’ve been criticized about. Love is too important to be a megaphone for any soapbox or vendetta. Talk about a waste of human interaction and a quick way to cheapen something that might have actually ended up being worthwhile.

So yes, ideally I think, a relationship of any kind, be it friends, family or romantic, will be able to find ways to apply all four types of love, although obviously in different forms. While parent-child relationships shouldn’t have “Éros” in the traditional Greek sense (let’s not be Oedipus Greek, heh), I think they can have it as the type of love I describe below (which again, makes it much more equal and balanced… so there

Okay, after all that disclaimer-age, let’s talk about the double-dichotomy that defines the Four Types of Love

Yay!

Protection vs. Growth – S vs. N

As usual, Sensing and experience are one and the same, and S is all about protecting what already exists, what is already possessed; what is. And also as per usual, iNtuition is concept, the discovery, growth into, and addition of what could potentially be; what might be. So, when it comes to love, the two S types of love center around protecting the love and relationships you already have, as well as making those relationships a safe haven where the individuals included feel protected. And the two N types of love center around getting more and more out of a relationship, pushing and stretching relationships to new heights. They also tend to focus more on how much excitement is happening within a relationship, as excitement is typically about newness and growth within a relationship. Now we’ll get into later why the assertion that either of these is more important than the other is just dangerous and dumb. Also, like all N things, the N types of Love focus on how things are connected in concept, so how the members of the relationship are either conceptually similar, or different. While S things, including the S types of Love, focus on where the pieces fit with the rest of the world as it stands. So the S types of Love focus on how the relationship gives its members a place in the wide world experienced.

Use vs. Meaning – T vs. F

As always on aLBoP, Thinking is all about the usefulness of things, and love is no exception. The two T types of love focus on what love can bring to the table for the benefit of all involved. And with Feeling, as always on aLBoP being about the meaning of things, the two F types of love focus on the intrinsic worth of love in its own right, the happiness it brings with no need of additional benefit.

I found it fascinating and fitting, also, to notice that the F types of Love are the kinds you “fall into;” that grasp you up, take you by surprise, and just feel very natural. T types of Love, in contrast, take joy from being a decision. T Loves desire to decide where, when, and how they’re going to love. When I was discussing this dynamic with Justin, he said profoundly, “Pikachu, I choose you!” -_- Uh, sure. Like that.

Now that we know our dichotomies, we can see how they fit together to form four distinctive sides and approaches to love, and we can examine in detail how they are each essential when used correctly, narrow without access to all the others, and treacherous when twisted. For the record, I decided to go alphabetical with these, so that’s where the order comes from, no ranking or anything.

Agápe – Meaning Love Objective: NF – Corner: ENFP – Element: Air

Lifting the participants above the dimness of empty mediocrity, Agápe is the song of archetype, the thrill of being a part of something larger than yourself, a fairy tale worth telling. It is the embodiment of ENFP’s Type Specialization: the significance of individuals in the context of all time. It cares deeply about the worth of each member, their individual, intrinsic meaning, as well as the sum of both parts.

As such, Agápe tends to focus less on things like appearance, focusing instead on the excitement of relating over topics that are meaningful to both parties; shared views, shared hopes and dreams, and jokes and experiences shared together. All about finding conceptual similarities and connections, Agápe enjoys the question, “how can we make life more meaningful together than apart?”

It includes the amazement that someone could care so much about little-old-you, and the feeling of adoration (hopefully for both of you) of putting the other person on a pedestal, because they’re just so gosh darn amazing! Agápe includes “puppy love,” but it also motivates staying up with your best friend squeeing all night, or getting overwhelmed holding your newborn for the first time. It’s fitting to me that Agápe without the accent is “agape,” because that’s how Agápe love makes you feel, mouth agape in wonder because the love you feel for someone else is just incredulously amazing.

As NF love, Agápe is about the joy of ever improving the meaning of your love, uncontent with stagnation. As such, true Agápe never loses the giddy pleasure of initial love, because it’s always renewing its purpose, finding new ways to grow closer and new things to connect and relate over. The heart of Agápe’s strength comes from communication. Being able to open up to each other, whole souls, and be desired for that consistent, forever being that you are; what could bring more excitement than that?

I think a poor handling of Agápe tends to come from an oversimplification of the motives behind it–surprise, surprise, EP is a valid Toi ;)! When people in “adult” positions poo-poo relationships as childish and over excited, they miss what makes the often young participants want this sort of relationship. It isn’t just the rush of emotion, which stern onlookers may deem fleeting. And tbh, if a relationship is based on only this type of love, it certainly will be. But it’s the excitement of having something precious, something that matters, which makes Agápe a thrill.

But when Agápe does grow dangerous, is when its meaning grows exhibitionist and competitive. Unhealthy Agápe feels the need to show not only how meaningful it is, but how much more meaningful it is than other individuals, relationships, worldviews, etc. It feels the need to advertise its “love for the ages” or even proclaim that “no one else has ever felt meaning and feelings so powerful!” This sort of relationship advertising suddenly subverts Agápe’s very power, taking away the emphasis on the intrinsic meaning of the relationship, and making it all about comparison and show. In turn, this leads to shallow, cotton-candy relationships, which may be saccharinely sweet on the outside, but lack the substance required to produce long-term satisfaction.

At their most severe, these relationships that subvert Agápe end up producing meaning-competition between their own members. Because as soon as a relationship’s purpose is to bolster the apparent meaning of the participants, then the connection becomes a matter of individual ego, which can quickly be turned into which individual in the relationship is more meaningful.

You find this often within “soft rocker” relationships, a term we use based on this song by Jonathan Coulton. I love how painfully incisive that song is, as ISTP Jonathan Coulton seemed disgruntled by the trend of “nice guys” who use tactics like sensitivity and, honestly, weakness, as ways to get people to treat them like they’re more meaningful than others, to slowly manipulate people to do what they want, and to look caring while honestly having no respect for anyone. Often with an unhealthy helping of bad Storge, luring people in with the promise of “I’m so safe, unlike those other guys,” Soft Rocking uses competitive meaning to say, “if I can appear nice, then it doesn’t matter what my motives are.”

Another common symptom of these unhealthy Agápe meaning-advertising relationships, is in the pursuit of not only having a relationship become as meaningful as it can be, but to have a relationship that is more meaningful than others’, it is easy to find more meaning elsewhere. Without enough of the other Types of Love to ground you, the wind can easily whisk you away to greener pastures, with the thrill of newness having an enticing meaning all its own. While not always a side effect of unhealthy Agápe, it’s a wonder to me how often “loves for the ages” end up being broken up by Agápe-ish claims of “you just don’t understand me like he does,” “but I forgot how strong my feelings were for her,” or “but I think she’s actually my soul mate.”

But without Agápe, love can’t breathe. Agápe gives hope to love and lives, makes the sun shine brighter and the heart sing louder. Agápe makes us feel loved for the person we’re trying to be. Without Agápe, the other types of love feel tied down and restricted, like you can never really hope for anything more than the here-and-now of your relationship.

In short, Agápe is the wind in the wings of love, that when healthy helps you soar, and when unhealthy makes you feel like a tumbleweed.

Éros – Passion Love Objective: NT – Corner: ENTJ – Element: Fire

Like dancing flames, Éros is the excitement of the tug of wills; intelligences grasping at one another, the shock of an entity outside yourself. Whether it’s the thrill of being grabbed up into a surprise kiss, the blush produced by that friend who knows exactly how to tease you, or the joy of seeing your toddler get a mind of her own and give you sass, Éros finds passion through two independent desires interacting.

While a lot of the classical meaning of sexual passion would be included in this NT Éros, that is by no means all that Passion Love is. Sex may be pursued through any or all of these four approaches to love. And Éros is the push and pull of strengths that, while often associated with the collide of two bodies, certainly isn’t limited to that.

With ENTJ being the Éros, Passion Love corner, we can see that it’s the collision of NT Expectable, and EJ Action and Consequences, as Éros is in so many ways the physics of love. “If I move this way, what happens? If I push here, let go here…?”

Whereas Agápe is all about finding conceptual similarities, Éros instead finds joy and humor in conceptual differences and contrasts; small and large, different shapes, masculine and feminine, muted and bright, leather and lace, old-fashioned and modern, sarcastic and serious, etc. etc. They say “opposites attract,” but in truth, I think, that isn’t a hard and fast rule so much as a reflection that contrast and enjoying having differences is a necessary part of healthy relationships, one that demonstrates the appreciation that the other person is a whole *person* outside of you!

That they have their own desires and thoughts and ideas, which can be excitingly foreign from your own thoughts. A major purpose of aLBoP is sharing joy over the fact that not everyone thinks just like you do, and that that is a good, exciting thing!

One thing I love about interacting with Justin is that, after over 9 years of marriage, his humor still surprises me. NT intelligence specializes in being able to predict what to expect (with ENTP specifically predicting reactions), so it makes sense that NT love would be particularly excited by not knowing what to expect. I love how Justin, in his high-contrast of cloaked seriousness and seemingly random bursts of snarky color and silliness, never ceases to catch me off-guard. And for someone who spends their life and mind-power predicting how people are going to react, being surprised is really exciting for me, and frankly pretty sexy.

The combination of future-aimed NT and swift-moving EJ, Éros is the most in-motion type of love, which brings a great deal of its passionate thrill. And yet, with that comes the danger of things tumbling out of control. In Avatar: The Last Airbender (tv show, tv show, tv show, not movie

), the rather jaded firebending master Jeong Jeong puts it this way, “Water is cool and soothing, earth is steady and stable, but fire, fire is alive. It breathes, it grows. …[A] rock will not throw itself. But fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it!” And the same applies to Éros; while it brings great life and color to relationships, as the Love of passion it can quickly spin out of control and burn those in its path.

At its most dangerous, Éros becomes the subversion of its own pursuit, attempting to undermine the very human wills that made it exciting in the first place. And that really seems to be at the core of the disaster whenever Éros breaks: not viewing the other will as as valid as one’s own.

Whether it’s a tawdry one night stand, the oppressiveness of a parent who claims “my way or the highway,” or in the most extreme cases, rape or other forms of physical or sexual abuse, Éros breaks as soon as at least one member of the relationship views the other’s will, or tries to force it, to be subservient to their own. The reason we call empty physical relationships “cheap” in the first place, is because they try and get the benefits of other human beings without actually sacrificing anything to being vulnerable to the intelligence of another person.

True, healthy Éros enjoys the trust placed in someone else as much as it enjoys the trust someone places in you. In fact, I believe the motives behind the subversions of Éros usually come back to fear of Éros itself! While other wills are exciting, they are also scary because they’re out of your control, which is the heart of vulnerability itself. Healthy, fulfilling Éros requires a degree of surrender on the part of both parties.

Because just like everything with EJ Action, when you’re interacting with a world and wills outside your own, you can control what you put in, but not what you get out. You can choose what to do with your will, but you can’t control if someone else is going to want what you want, want to do what you want to do, care the way you care… or care way more than you do. For better or for worse, playing with multiple, powerful intelligences is playing with live dynamite, although it might be the most worthwhile gamble you might ever take.

Because on the other hand, without Éros, relationships become cold, lacking the color, life and vigor they need to have power. Éros is the warm firelight of contrast that sharpens relationships through heightened light and shadows, both parties given the excitement of surprise by the other’s own free will. Without Éros’s push-and-pull of passion, the other types of love feel bland and under-spiced; without spark.

So Éros is the fiery burn of two wills doing their own unique dance, playing off each other like light and dark which, when healthy, brings surprise and excitement and passionate closeness, but when unhealthy burns like wildfire, consuming the very wills it was intended to love.

Philia – Dedication Love Objective: ST – Corner: ISTJ – Element: Earth

I feel like I can stick fairly closely with the original Greek definition on this one, just because I really love it, as I understand it.

The bedrock of enduring relationships, steady and dependable as the earth beneath your feet, Philia is about nourishing your relationships as they’re planted, dedicated to the role that love has promised. Defining the greatest, most legendary friendships of the ages, Philia is the love of most conscious choice. While family is something that initially happens to you, the dedication of friendship is something you must choose for yourself. Who will be there with you through rain and snow, heartache and loss? Who will you stand by when all lights go out? Philia is the Love of endurance, of good faith and strength through long nights.

An essential, lost art in many families, where love is taken as granted (see the bad version of Storge, below), or in relationships where the excitement of the N Loves sweep people up in the glittery and new, Philia is often undermined as stale and close-minded. But I think that overlooks the powerful, inherent meaning and archetype demonstrated through the choice of intentional love.

Whereas the other types of love are more likely to be keen on outward demonstrations of love and often more showy displays of affection and commitment, in word, deed or intimacy, Philia is the type of love that knows that if sacrifice doesn’t really pinch, it’s not really sacrifice. Philia is there without reward, without need of honors or high praises. Philia is dedicated to the continual establishment of a safe and secure place for its members, providing a lasting, unyielding foundation.

The love that drives a young mother to be there for her little ones through long, thankless nights; the drive of a man-at-arms to be there for his captain; the quiet endurance of the spouse who stays even when their loved one’s mind doesn’t remember as it once did, or of the grown-up child who holds their parent’s hand as they slowly slip away; all these demonstrate Philia’s profound romance of solid, grounded, determination to choose love over and over again. Philia is centered around the roles that its members play, as enduring archetypes: the father, the sister, the wife, the teacher, the protector, the best friend. Philia takes these roles and makes them pledges, filled with honor and faithfulness.

The combination of ST’s practicality, working with the resources it already has, and IJ’s unending trends, Philia is the love of appreciating what you have, maintaining it with the attitude that you only have one of that relationship, so you better keep it polished, honed and protected like a diamond.

But as is always a danger when trying to protect what is already there, the dedication to what once was can often overlook the current state of what’s missing, and what might be. When it becomes narrow and unhealthy, Philia forgets that the relationship protected must live up to its original meaning, not just be an empty Principle of what it woulda/coulda/shoulda been. While Philia should stand firm against the flightiness of abandoning relationships as soon as they prove challenging, it needs to repeatedly check in and determine if the relationship is fulfilling its original intent.

When relationships rely overly on Philia to get them through, lives feel empty, people get needlessly hurt, and resentment builds. Resentment is an emotion borne of disappointment, but shoved down until its owner feels torn and despises the source of the disappointment. Philia turns into this unhealthy alternative when, instead of asking the relationship to grow into the other types of love, love becomes just an obligated shadow of its former self, relying on fear of what would happen if dedication was abandoned, as opposed to being able to enjoy the relationship for its own sake anymore. Disappointment in a relationship needs to be properly looked at, or feelings of resentment will grow and sour love into a hollow chore, going through the motions.

Otherwise, unhealthy Philia ends up glaring at the very people it sought to protect. Thoroughly disappointed in how the relationship isn’t fulfilling the meaning it hoped to have, but also without hope of anything changing, Philia grows cynical, rote, and despising. It produces a pessimistic belief that “this is as good as things are ever going to get, so why even try to change them?” which in turn attacks the relationship itself, as an outlet, punishing the source of hopelessness, because “what point is there in trying to change anything?”

This pessimism leads not only to the resentment of one’s own relationship, but to the resentment of others’ relationships, placing a rigid, rooted limit on the height relationships in general are allowed to attain. Because disappointed pessimism about one’s own relationship easily leads to an assertion that others shouldn’t be happy or feel fulfilled within their relationships either, usually implying either that others’ happiness is fleeting, shallow and destined to fail, or unmerited, and undeserved. This jealous, unhealthy Philia can even lead to attempts, verbal or otherwise, to tear down others’ relationships in an effort to tamp down the awareness that other relationships are being more fulfilling than one’s own.

People often lean toward Philia because the consequences of doing so look less dire on the surface. In an attempt to protect from the “flighty” extreme of Agápe, the runaway heat of Éros, or even the tumbling waterfall effect of Storge, it’s common to hide in this unhealthy extreme of Philia, deeming its negative effects less impactful than that of the others. But that attitude overlooks how empty, tired, despondent, hopeless, and alone residents of bad Philia can end up feeling, dedicated to a path that feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, living with no real purpose, just life for the dedication of it.

This grinding sort of Philia ends up subverting its own purpose, of choosing love, by dismissing its ability to chose love as a forgone conclusion, dangerously planting its feet and saying, “I will stand here, no matter what,” without even daring to consider if that’s the best choice or not. Even when Philia is difficult, even when it takes sacrifice and painful choices, its power comes from choice renewed.

Philia must be an ever-renewal of Principled purpose to bring joy and be effective. Whether that purpose is the nurturing and protection of the other member of the relationship, or the protection of your own little kingdom of love and safety, or other reasons entirely, Philia draws its strength from deliberate resolve, understanding *why* it’s planting its feet.

Because when done correctly, Philia gives unmatched strength and stability to relationships. Pylons of stone, healthy Philia gives a wise and understanding core to its tenants that makes their unification merrily unbreakable. Without Philia, the other types of love feel flimsy, cheap, and ill-defined, lacking the fiber to weather life’s bumps and hurricanes, and without the enduring peace and sanctuary that Philia keeps within its unaffected walls.

Philia is the love most determined and planted, its unyielding boulders unmoved by time or travail, which can either protect and provide a foundation for enduring love, or can stubbornly stop a relationship from rolling forward to its purpose.

Storge – Safety Love Objective: SF – Corner: ISFP – Element: Water

As constant and reliable as the tides on the shore, Storge is the promise of safety, calm, and belonging. Like the path of a stream, winding its way around obstacles and settling comfortably into every crevice, Storge is the most natural, unplanned type of Love, taking joy at a love totally unforced.

The combination of IP moments and SF enjoyment, Storge sits as the comfy corner, embracing people as they are. While the ancient meaning implied people you “have to” love, and that meaning does fall within Storge’s borders, this definition of Storge is far more about a love you “can’t help” but have.

Whether it’s high school sweethearts who have always been there for one another, that friend’s house where you always have a place to crash and a fridge you can stick your head in, or your parents who will always take you back no matter how prodigal you are, Storge tells the recipient, “You don’t have to exert yourself, or change; you have a place here no matter what.” Storge knows who you are, where you’ve been, and helps you feel like you belong for all your quirks.

There’s a verse in the song “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service, co-written by ISFP Ben Gibbard, that says, “I’m thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay” (actually, I thought it was “puzzle pieces from on high” until I looked up the lyrics just now, but “from the clay” is pretty too). I love that very ISFP sentiment; you and I fit together like the most perfect, comfortable match ever, clicking together so everything fits in harmony.

Storge is the love of peace, being a tender oasis of safety from the past, the future, pains and bad memories, where its members can be in the moment and heal through feeling thoroughly cherished. In a world where it’s hard to find anyone without so much painful baggage, where it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t feel broken in some way, we all need the soothing balm of Storge to tell us that there’s still pockets of safety in the world, still people who want us when we don’t feel put together, and still someone to put their arms around us and tell us that despite how dark things can sometimes seem, there’s still love and support to get us through it.

But Storge’s ultimate desire for safety and comfort can end up actually undermining the needs of its protectorates. When Storge grows unhealthy, it can take two very different forms, which can sometimes overlap.

The first form of unhealthy Storge is like a stream that has set its course and refuses to deviate, demanding calm and composure of its participants, treating peace as if it’s something that comes only from not ruffling feathers. This kind of unhealthy Storge often goes to the point of acting like legitimate problems that members of the relationship have get in the way of the safe atmosphere if brought up, so issues go unaddressed and un-dealt with, everyone just pretending that things are okay, as if that actually makes them so. It often takes love for granted, assuming that because things have been in a repetitive rhythm for so long, surely everyone knows where they stand, not realizing that just because things fall into places, doesn’t mean they fell into the right places, just by chance. Just because a relationship’s monsters lie beneath the surface of a calm lake doesn’t mean they aren’t there, waiting and lurking. Likewise, emotions shoved to the side for the sake of a “happy home” or relationship, lie ready to break the seemingly calm surface tension when least expected.

This form of unhealthy Storge, while it may seem to provide a tranquil atmosphere for its members, actually undermines the very safety it provides, by making members feel like if they feel things outside the relationship’s given parameters, they’ll irreparably break the relationship’s status quo, so they better just pretend like everything’s okay. When people feel unable to open up about their worries, angers, anxieties, joys, and frustrations, for fear of rocking the boat, they can’t truly feel safe, no matter how good the facade created.

The other form unhealthy Storge most often takes is like a gushing waterfall of love, needing and smothering oppressively, so that neither member of a relationship can truly breathe. When Storge’s sweet and ardent desire to cling and find safety together turns sour, often one member treats the other like the air they need to breathe, hanging on to the other like they’re drowning, pulling them down like a siren into the deeps.

When a relationship defines safety by the time spent together, and refuses to find peace and comfort outside of each other, unhealthy symbiotic relationships form. #Badsigns include members of a relationship insisting that they’re only happy when they’re together, or that it physically hurts when they’re apart, worrying or growing jealous when one member of the relationship spends time with anyone outside of the relationship, guilting in order to get praise or to get the other person to do what makes them feel safe, or even insistence that death or suicide is imminent if the other person was to leave.

But when one person requires the subjugation of another’s will in order to feel safe… a) that’s not true safety, and the smotherer will never truly feel the peace and security they claim the other person provides for them, and b) the Éros of the other person having the right to their own will is totally lost, their will becoming just a means to the end of the first’s comfort, which must break or explode at some point.

Both of these unhealthy forms of Storge, while they can start from sweet intentions, can end up dangerously controlling and manipulative when they become twisted, forcing others to adhere to one version of “safety,” while making them feel anything but.

Storge is subverted into something truly ugly when it uses everything that once felt like a sanctuary of being known, into ways to needle and twist everything to its own comfortable advantage. No tidbit of the past, no like or dislike, or known insecurity, is safe when twisted Storge is being used to extract revenge on members of its own relationship, forcing them to get back under the water or be cast out in shame. Usually this ultimately ugly version of Storge combines the worst of both the unhealthy versions, taking all the “let’s pretend it’s okay” from the first form, and the “love me or I’ll die” from the second form, and uses everything about the relationship as a compilation of tactics to grasp whatever it wants, willing to take the relationship over the waterfall’s cliff with it, if necessary, all in the name of security and keeping the relationship within one’s own comfy control.

But without healthy Storge, love feels scary, unprotected and unsettled, nomadic and discordant. Storge is the life preserver of its members, giving buoyancy to the heavy heart and a safe harbor to its members from the tireless storm outside. (I’m having a little too much fun with these water metaphors, did you notice?

Interestingly they seem much easier to produce in great abundance than air, fire or earth analogies.

) Healthy Storge provides a lighthouse that is always waiting for you, wanting you for who you are, and saying “Welcome home.”

In short, Storge is the love of utmost comfort, which when healthy provides smooth and happy sailing, and a peaceful cove of your very own, and when unhealthy threatens to drag you down with its heavy, clinging arms, into its very depths.

(Darn, I should have used a mermaid metaphor somewhere! Don’t know where, but pretend there’s a mermaid somewhere, okay? Mermaids are the bestest.)

So there, we have the Four Types of Love, in their effulgent splendor when healthy, and in their soul-ripping terror when unhealthy.

I find that most over-leaning into a Type of Love comes from pendulum swinging away from Type(s) of Love we’ve been burned by in our pasts, ways we’ve been hurt, scared, invalidated, or left alone in our lives. When you’ve been hurt by Agápe, Philia, Storge or Éros in the past, it’s hard to get back on the bike. But my hope is that, in seeing how the healthy versions of each Type of Love are so unmistakably different from their twisted counterparts, you’ll be able to shoot for the good of each in all your relationships, while simultaneously acknowledging that the bad that hurt you was not okay.

And while it isn’t always the case that we overcompensate into the Type of Love opposite from the one we’re avoiding (opposite meaning opposite Objective/Corners–so Agápe being the opposite of Philia and Éros being the opposite of Storge), it is common. And it is usually helpful, when we’re leaning too far into one Type of Love, to work on understanding its opposite in order to regain balance.

Justin and I like to joke about the two extremes in Japanese culture and how utterly ISTJ vs ENFP they are, with the “honor, zen, dedication and precision” on the ancient, ISTJ extreme, and the “OMG Kawaii!!!!!!!!!!” anime culture on the ENFP extreme, which seems to have risen up in direct response to the first culture. I think these examples perfectly sum up the attitudes behind Philia/Dedication love and Agape/Meaning love, and can benefit in a similar way from the appreciation of the other.

Those who lean toward Philia can end up treating Agápe as childish and silly, and Agápe-leaners can treat Philia as stiff and unenlightened, both treating the other as if they don’t qualify as “love” at all! But as the precise endurance of Philia’s cold steel finds balance in the exciting bubbly color of Agápe’s rush, it can be given a new kind of hope and meaning in its everlasting dedication. And as the eye-popping rainbow of Agápe’s thrill finds balance in the steady sturdiness of Philia’s consistency and patience, it can be given the ability to stay the course of its highest purposes.

Likewise, proponents of Storge can treat Éros as a danger to everything safe and secure, and fans of Éros can treat Storge as boring and cowardly. But as the quiet content of Storge finds balance in Éros’s smirking spark of contrast, it can find its members *more* able to be comfortably themselves. And as Éros’s prodding flames find balance within Storge’s soothing calm of still waters, it can know exactly where to push and pull while keeping its members safe from fear of being consumed.

And in this same way, the S/N Loves can learn from the other, and the T/F Loves can learn from each other as well, and we can often lean too far to one side or the other for feelings of security.

Types of Love and Type Angsts

As I looked at the effects of leaning toward one Type of Love to the minimizing of the others, I realized that each extreme brought with it the Type Angst of its native corner! Because Type Angsts are weaknesses that come from trying to gain each type’s strength, and it’s much easier to gain another type’s weaknesses than its strengths, without proper balance in all four Types of Love, any type will gain the Angst of the type they’re becoming like.

Too much Agápe, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ENFP’s Type Angst, McFly Conviction, which is the fear that your feelings are worthless, invalid and stupid. So overly Agápe relationships are rife with the fear that the relationship may be invalid, immature, worthless, or exaggerated.

When McFly Conviction gets out of hand, a common way to cope is by attempting to prove the validity of one’s own emotions and self-worth, sometimes even to the belittling of others’ emotions and self-hood. Following the same pattern, when Agápe relationships go too far to prove themselves valid, they can find the need to imply that their relationship is *more* meaningful, *more* powerful, lasting, beautiful, archetypal, enlightened… etc. etc., than others’ relationships. Unhealthy Agápe relationships can often be found with an inability to shut up about how noble, sweet, adorable and fairy tale-worthy their relationship, or the members within it, are compared to others.

But it’s important to note that this comes from the insecurity of fearing that the relationship *isn’t* meaningful, worthy, lasting or enlightened, that all the powerful Agápe feelings are for naught. But as Agápe gets tempered with all three of the other Loves, it is able to overcome the fear of insubstantiality, and stop feeling the need to prove.

When there’s too much Éros, at the expense of the other Types of Love, it results in ENTJ’s Type Angst, The Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum, which is, at its core, a fear of not being listened to or having your will truly heard, which usually leads to feeling like you have to push and assert if you want to get your way. In the same way, overly Éros relationships end up making one, or usually both members feel like if they don’t get pushy about their own desires and the direction they want things to go, they won’t be heard by the other.

It makes sense that, as the heart of Éros is the wills of its members–the exciting rush of each person being individual–when relationships grow overly Éros, one’s own will often feels in jeopardy, as members of a relationship, be it couples, family members or friends, want different things, pulling in different directions.

When Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum gets out of hand, those who experience it often cope by growing louder, pushier, and even refusing to let others get their way at all, insisting that if others don’t compromise all the way, then they’re not compromising at all. Controlling other wills, instead of letting them spark freely, feels much safer to runaway Trixie, and likewise when the members of overly Éros relationships feel unheard, it can be tempting to find the other person’s will scary and out of your own control. But again, Éros’s exciting fire comes from enjoying differences and contrasts in will, even differences in desires.

As Éros is strengthened by the other Types of Love, it’s able to find its love deepened in richness and happiness, actually far more benefitted by others’ wills being fulfilled, for each member of the relationship to be strong independently, which leads to having a stronger relationship together.

Too much Philia, at the expense of other Types of Love, results in ISTJ’s Type Angst, Thranduil Denial, which is the fear that you’ll never have a place in the world that’s truly your own, where you belong, that you’ll never find a place that will last, where you are the puzzle piece meant for your one and only spot. And with Philia’s focus on the roles that a relationship provides its members, overly Philia relationships end up full of the fear that if the relationship were to be lost, the opportunity to have that role in the world would be lost forever.

It’s an excellent side of Philia, treating relationships like a precious metal that you only get one of, but Thranduil Denial can lead to anxious, panic-filled relationships that keep their members from branching out, growing, and really living life, for fear of losing the only place they ever felt that enduring wantedness. It can also keep people in toxic relationships where they really shouldn’t be, for fear of never being able to interact with the world in that same role again.

But as Philia is cushioned with the other three Types of Love, it’s soothed with the adaptability of the others, given the power to find hope of new beginnings, new friendships and find places anew to feel wanted, treasured, and given a place to apply its forever dedication.

Too much Storge, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ISFP’s Type Angst, Banner Trepidation, which is the fear that the world is too big, scary and dangerous, to be able to have any hope of keeping the precious things you care about from breaking. Relationships with too much Storge feel “exposed, like a nerve” to the world outside, so determined to be safe that nothing feels safe enough.

Banner Trepidation run wild leads to excessive clinging, and building forts around the things you love, to the point of smothering them, and even breaking them yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Likewise, as Storge runs amok, people end up building bomb shelters for their relationships, afraid that any exposure to the outside world will hurt the relationship or the people in it. Whether it’s outside dangers, outside relationships, or outside influences, it can feel like anything has the power to come break the things most important.

But as Storge is bolstered by the other three Types of Love, it can be shown that true love isn’t fragile, and can withstand all the elements, given the perspective it needs to be the refuge it can be for all involved.

I found it quite remarkable how much each overcompensation ends up in that corner’s Angst. In fact, I believe a reliable way to identify if you’re starting to lean too much toward one Type of Love, is to look at each relationship individually and ask yourself if you feel any of the following fears about that relationship:

“I fear I have to prove this relationship, or the members of it, are as valid and meaningful as others’, or else feel like they’re being minimized and invalidated as mattering at all.” — If yes, then too much Agápe in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that I have to push to have my will heard and my desires met, I feel like what I want is just too far outside what they want.” — If yes, then too much Éros in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that if I lost this relationship, I would lose the role it gives me in the world; be it spouse, romance, friend, sibling, parent, child; if I lose this relationship, I’ll never be able to interact that same way in the world again.” — If yes, then too much Philia in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that I can’t keep the members of this relationship safe, so I feel like I need to protect this relationship from outside influences, be it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, cultural, etc.; I have to keep them safe or things will get broken.” — If yes, then too much Storge in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

I hope that gives a useful guide to seeing if you’re leaning too far in one direction or another with any of your relationships. For example, I feel pretty balanced in my marriage now, but I can look back at when we were first going out, and can see that we initially leaned too far into Philia (surprisingly), and needed more of the “sweep you away” kinds of love, and actually that’s something we’ve continued to work on over the years. We’re a good “through rain and snow, hell and highwater” couple, but we’ve struggled on and off with the other three.

And looking back, I was in fact afraid when we were in that early stage, that if I lost Justin I’d never have the opportunity to interact with the world the way I did with him. Which, while that was somewhat true, was a fear borne out of not having the other Types of Love to give me other reasons to be there. You don’t want the role a relationship gives you to be the only reason you stay. Which is the exact reason why Justin and I broke up for a while, while we were dating. Long story, whole big thing.

We grow within relationships, and the same relationship will require different balancing at different times, but also different relationships within our lives will need different things. I have some relationships that provide me with a lot of Storge, some that provide me with more Agápe, etc., but ideally I want to always be finding more balance within each of them.

Okay, and finally, what are the natural, home-base approaches to love for the 16 cognitive types? Let us look at our handy-dandy graph and find out!

We have our four Objectives, called by the attitude nouns we acquired from our Four Types of Love, above, and then we combine them with our four Scopes, called by the approach that Scope takes to love, which is an adjective. So we end up with a Type-of-Love-Noun from our Objective and an Adjective describing how we approach that love from our Scope, and the two make for, I think, adept descriptions for how each cognition approaches love, typically. That description made it sound way more complicated than it really is. Roll the film, er graph…

(I have to get used to the corners being oddness on this one, it looks wonky to me with the Scopes not in their usually Toi spots, but I’ll survive.)

NT = Passion EJ = Fervent NF = Meaning EP = Earnest ST = Dedication IJ = Enduring SF = Safety IP = Steady

Now if you’d like more depth on these approaches, I’d be happy to do more posts on this topic in the future (I think this post is already long enough, don’t you?

). But for now, the short version is that, besides the corners, each type tends to approach love by prioritizing a combination of the two Types of Love that form its Objective + Scope, with the corners getting a double helping of their Type of Love (thus corners

{Subtype, which we talk about on Phase 2, follows this same pattern, fyi, with (ep) matching with Agápe ToL, etc. If the Phase 2-sers want a specific ToL and subtype post, I can do that… but it pretty much just follows the same pattern lol.}

These patterns seem to be each type’s “home base” approach to love, which comes naturally and healthily to them, and it’s okay if you find yourself an especially big fan of your native ToLs. But again, any type can grow unbalanced in any of the Types of Love, based on life experience, both nurture and environment, and personal choices. Just like the Four Types of Information, we all need all Four Types of Love, and sometimes we might need to get help and perspective from the people in our lives who we find excel in the areas where we struggle. Find people who have relationships that you feel exemplify good Storge, Philia, Éros, and/or Agápe, and learn from how they make it work in their relationship!

We can even learn from powerful fictional relationships! See what you can glean from Merida and Queen Elinor learning to balance Merida’s Éros wild will and Elinor’s dedicated Philia, in Brave.

Watch how the tug of wills and meaningful excitement that Rapunzel finds through Flynn in Tangled, as they start with Éros and grow into Agápe, are able to free and heal her from the twisted, guilting Philia, and clingy, overprotective Storge that Mother Gothel raised her with.

Enjoy the tenderness of enduring Philia and Storge in the montage at the beginning of Up, but learn with Carl that losing the one you love doesn’t mean you have to lose your place in the world, and that Agápe’s out there!

Watch the transition as Lightning McQueen in Cars realizes that life and love aren’t more satisfying if you constantly pursue Éros’ flashy newness, and that a feeling of Storge belonging, and choosing Philia by realizing who your real friends are, gives you a place in the world that you wouldn’t exchange for any stupid cup.

(And now I’m going off analyzing in my head how Anna, in Frozen, started out with bad Agápe, fueled by desperation and loneliness, and how Elsa was pushed by guilt to consider only Storge and Philia to be safe kinds of love, when really she needed to embrace her own NT Éros will, and love herself, and that in the end it’s Anna’s ability to combine all four Types of Love for her sister that saves the day… *ahem* Going off there. I’m done now…. Except to say that the frost trolls’ song about “Fixer Upper” borders on bad Storge, settling and not helping people change, so that’s one of my not-so-favorite parts of the movie. Okay, I’m really done now.)

Apparently all the examples that came to mind were Disney/Pixar CGI films, but I hope that gives you a sampling of how we can use story to teach us about balancing all types of Love, in our own relationships.

(And now Justin is talking about how HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey could have used being programmed with more Éros, because his Philia dedication was too powerful.)

Obviously we could have so much more fun with examples, but I hope that giving this foundational overview, defining and exploring sides of the Four Types of Love, will give you enough information to start seeing these patterns around you, especially in your own relationships. It was helpful to me to be able to see all four distinctly different sides of love, and how much, together, they can bring more balance, hope, harmony and excitement to all our relationships. Because maybe it’s true that all you need is love… so long as you have all the different loves, interplaying together.

With our powers combined, it becomes Captain Planet! Er… I mean full love, in balance. (So Heart! Okay, now I’m embarrassed to have linked that video. I swear that show wasn’t nearly so “gah” as a kid… although the Fire guy was always cute.

)

But anyway, the Four Types of love; since we’re all better together than apart, with our wills strong, our dedication firm, and our peace secure.

Much Love (of all Types),

<3 Calise

The post The Four Types of Love appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

from The Four Types of Love

#ALL Types #ENFP #ENTJ #ISFP #ISTJ #The Essentials #Banner Trepidation #Disney #Four Types of Love #G

3 notes · View notes

jacquelineshyde · 8 years ago

Note

15 things you love about jackie?(p.s. i loveeee your blog so much )

Hello! Thank you SO much for your question! I’m actually happy someone wants to talk about Jackie with me (lol). And for your kind words, thank you so much too

Now, I love plenty about Jackie but made this Top15 was kind of hard. I dind’t want it to get too long, but I guess that’s never posible with me lol. Everything must be long with me, lol. This is in no particular order.

1. Her enormous heart

This woman loves like no one ever. Even when she is mean and selective, she is capable of loving with all in her and beyond. When it comes to love, her selectiveness is gone, she just gives and gives. That’s why she ends up hurt so easily, and yet she still gives everything… and most times, she gets nothing back but a bunch of lies, jokes and hard words.

Honestly, this show hates its female characters, but Jackie was always their favorite target to make crap out of her.

Jackie has the super power of loving with the force and the long of thousand lifetimes, which also leans to…

2. That incredible capacity of forgiveness

OH BOY. Actually, I think this should be number one, but at the end of the day this exist because of that amazing heart. Jackie is capable of forgiveness in a way most people doesn’t even understand. She even forgivess when the person honest to god doesn’t deserve to be forigven (cofcofcofKelsocofcofcof).

She listens, she cries and yells, and gets angry, but then walks away and wait for things to cool down, be sad for a while if necessary, but never mad. This is also a bad thing, to be honest. Because she always gets hurt thanks to this. Always.

Yet, I admire her. I crave to have a heart like hers, because hate and anger only consumes you at the end, but she lets it go. She holds onto hope and happiness, and tries to see the good in other people, to think they are capable of change. It’s amazing.

3. The fact that she is such a good friend

Because, honestly, she is. Hyde, Eric and Jackie are the ones who are the better friends on the gang, Jackie being the one who doesn’t get anything in return most of the times. I’m sorry, but Jackie is always there for all of them, all. Even for Eric, even when he obviously doesn’t like her and doesn’t appreciate her.

Jackie has been trying to be Donna’s friends since day one. It may be her desire of approval, but Jackie has an incredible ability to understand and care for the people around her. She tries to help, even when she may not get the situation or be the most imparcial or needed teller in the story.

Honestly, i’ll die for a friend like Jackie. I mean, she paid for Donna’s engagement ring. SHE DID THAT. The man she loves doesn’t want to marry her, her best friend doesn’t even know what to say when asked why they are friends, her ex is always trying to get something from her, her other friend is always sexualizing her on her face, and the man she paid that fucking ring for is always talking shit about her, trying to get ride of her like if she was some kind of virus.

And yet, she is always there for all of them.

4. And an amazing girlfriend

Listen, she may not be the most reasonable person when it comes to loving someone. She blinds love, she tries to make her relationships work and fix the problems they find in their way. It’s not her fault her boyfriends end up being such fucking assholes (Hey, I’m talking about s8!Hye and you all know that).

She gives everything when she loves, she has an insane need of feel loved and not be alone, but when truly in love (aka with Hyde), we saw an actual human being who makes mistakes and works out those mistakes. Like I said before, she listens, she understands, she gets over herself, forgives and keeps going.

And she is so damn sweet, so damn cute, I want a girlfriend like Jackie.

5. That she never gives up

LOOK AT HER, SHE GOT THAT ONE STEVEN HYDE WHO DIDN’T DO RELATIONSHIPS TO NOT ONLY BE WITH HER BUT ALSO LOVE HER.

The show actually lets us know Jackie has a will fo steel. She sets herself into getting something done her way or at her side, and she gets it at the end. It’s also amazing to see how she grows from her previous mistakes and gets to make her technique even better.

Once she understands she has to be nice, polite and understanding to ask for something, she does nicely and gets what she wants. And yes, I’m talking again about Hyde; but also about how even when her father takes away her money, she gets a job so she can still see Kelso, she puts everything in her to show Hyde she isn’t who she thinks she is, to get him to know her and lmao, at the end of the day he falls for her.

Honestly, Jackie, give me your secrets.

6. And is also hard-working (when she wants)

DUDE. Like I said, she doesn’t give up, so it’s kind of obvious she would turn out to be a hard-working person. And it’s so funny because fandom always puts her like this useless girl who can do crap for herself, when in reality we are always seeing Jackie doing something.

We know she is a straight As student, who also is a cheerleader (don’t get me started on this. Because this show and media always makes cheerleaders look like they are stupid or something, but in most teams, you have to be an excellent student and be strong as fuck to get in), who even if she doesn’t like it, can get a job and do that damn job even wearing a ridiculous costume.

Man, do I keep this? Okay: she doesn’t know how to cook, she can’t touch an egg, but still tries to learn and does her best to get good at it; she gets her own tv show, gets over her nervouness and works it out perfectly and immediately gets a bigger job offer because she is talented, and smart, and fucking pretty too (even when the show is always saying that Donna is prettier and sexier than her); even in the hell of season 8, she gets a job and leaves her house to share an apartment, and you know, fucking sexist fandom: lives without Hyde.

7. How much she loves being femenine (and doesn’t let anyone ruin it for her)

THIS IS AMAZING.

Most times, we women get dragged for loving being femenine. We can’t be because then it means we are sexist, because people think that feminism doesn’t allowes being femenine. But that’s bullshit, people should be able to be ‘femenine’ if they want and that’s exactly what Jackie thaugh me.

She loves fashion and style, and yet she is still smart and gives no fucks to anyone, she can wear a dress a literally kick people who are being idiots ot her. And by the Lord, she is so taken for granted by everyone, so It’s always nice to see everyone’s reaction when she turns out to be not your typical femenine cutie pie.

8. She’s an excellent advicer (even when nobody asked for it)

Which is funny because they put something out of reality: she never listens to herself (at first).

Like I said before, Jackie is a person who is always there for the people she loves. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that she also gives advice to the other cheerleaders or other people in school, maybe the people on her class rooms and so, more friends besides the basement gang.

I always love how there are plenty of times when she actually gives Donna excellent advice, but her friend, for no other reaosn but the fact that she literally considers Jackie dumb and always wrong (and that she is always right in return), never listens to her.

9. Who is also always there for whoever needs her

This girl is my everything and the big of her heart will always amaze me. I cheerish the scenes when she gets to keep someone, especially Donna, company. Not only because her punch lines are mostly good, but because we see her in action, another thing Iove of her gets to shine in those scenes, too.

Jackie is full of love, so being there for whoever needs her, even Eric and Kelso, she will be there.

10. And is capable of puting everyone else’s happiness before her own

She was having the crappiest of the times when Donna had to be told to ask her is she wanted to stay at her home after Jackie’s mom abandoned her, yet Jackie thinks of Donna first and how happy she would be to keep her engagement ring, so she pays for it.

I’m gonna say it in another way: Jackie didn’t have too much money in that moment. Her father was in jail and her mother had abandoned her, she didn’t have a job, but she decided to pay for a fucking engagement ring that wasn’t for her.

That’s just an example.

11. Her compassion

THIS IS IT. Also something she shares with Hyde.

I love this aspect of her because we are told all the time that she is mean, shallow and selective, but Jackie’s heart is so big and so warm, she can’t stop feeling for people. She understands situations better than anyone lse very often, she can read a room and spot who needs some space or to talk.

Sometimes that compassion makes her connect with people, like every time she listens to Donna’s ups and downs with Eric, and when she feels sorry for people who has hurt her so much, even when she is in her right to be mad at them and make fun of them for their very silly problem.

This girl is a beautiful sea.

12. Actual strong female lead

See all that crap that has been happening to Jackie since season one? A dreaming girl who wants true love, to have her on family, be happy?

Her first love turned out to be an egomaniac cheater, her best friend doesn’t want her to be her best friend, her other friends are constantly wanting her out of their lives, her parents are never at home nor near her, her cheerleader squad hates her, she got crap for loving Hyde, even called names for it by her own friends, her father went to prision, her mother abandoned her, then came back and her idiot boyfriend flirted with her.

She got cheated on by the man she loved the most, then he didn’t want to spend time with her, let alone think they had a future, and let’s not talk about marrying her. Season 8 even went so far to phisically hurt her and have Hyde laugh about it, and she ended with a guy who sexualized her and saw her as no more than a prize to win during the entire show.

And yet, she is still standing. She still gets to be herself, to be brilliant, to be amazing. I love her.

13. Her relationship with Kitty and Red

Out of all the gang, I think she and Hyde are the ones who respect the Formans the most and who spend more time with them, aside from their actual kids.

Jackie is seen not only as Red’s favorite, but also Kitty’s helped in the kitchen and somoene she can talk to. I like Kitty and Donna’s relationship, but to be honest it doesn’t look as close and intimate like Jackie and Kitty’s. Even in the earlier seasons, we see Jackie trying to get close to the marriage.

Maybe is because she recognizes in them her dream come true: a strong couple who love each other so much, their relationship has survived for many years, keeping their marriage holy and great. They formed their own family, working together and loving each other, all Jackie wants the most.

In my mind, I know Jackie admires the hell out of Kitty. She’s a femenine girl who was like Jackie: naive in the love matter, popular, even a cheerleader. And she became a femenine woman who has a job she loves, who is great at said job and is also great at being a mother, a wife and be happy.

Besides her desire of having parental figures in her life, I think Jackie see in them what she wants in life and I love how she is always around them, even before being Hyde’s girlfriend.

14. She is not perfect

Something that gives her humanity.

The show tried so hard to always put Donna on a good light, they gave Jackie the chance to be imperfect and work in her shit while growing up. It gave her character interesting turns and changes that we were able to see and understand.

Even in the little things, she is great at school but not so good at cooking, yet she is an incredible femenine girl but that doesn’t make her weak, she is literally strong enough to make Hyde bend over when she kicks him, or to take away a bigger guy out of her home.

Really, the writers wanted to make Donna the coolest, but instead they gave Jackie characterization and reality.

15. And of course, her relationship with Hyde

Coulnd’t not put this one, let’s be honest.

Jackie is a character that didn’t get too much recognition and characterization until she started to be around Hyde, literally. Both characters start being seen in a different light after the first episode that also puts them together, season 1′s Prom Night.

This is a relationship based on trust, on the fact that they were in the good and the bad together, went from friendship to lovers in a slow but right way. They love each other so much, they grow up and start changing together, finding out in their way together that they fit, they had something between them, and there’s no better home for both, these lonely people, than each other’s arms.

#that 70s show #jackie burkhart #queenjackieburkhart #jackie x hyde #last-exit-to-nowhere #about me #sorry for the meta #show #meta #the queen #mine

118 notes · View notes

thanatasia · 3 years ago

Note

Your the only mutual who’s seen demon slayer so I apologize if my ranting and raving is a little overwelming 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

So I’m finally getting around to Demon Slayer —mostly in part because I was waiting for the hype to die down but also because I was waiting for a streaming service that I had to grab it — and after binging 13 episodes, I can safely say that my favorite characters are The Demon Doctor Lady, The cute dude madly in love with her, Tarzan Pig Head who’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit, and Nezuko, because she gets all of the UwU’s

Crybaby Tanjiro is a decent main character but his inner monologue sometimes gets a little grading to listen to but he’s big of heart, dumb of ass sometimes so I’ll let it slide. Also he’s a big brother who absolutely adores his baby sister, so he gets brownie points for good, non problematic familial sibling love.

However, Zenitsu can literally walk off a cliff for all that I care. He’s like Sanji from One Peice but instead of being so annoying that he’s funny, Zenitsu is just annoying (also I’m very sorry if Zenitsu is your favorite but like, the screaming... the screaming...) and like, I get that being a wuss and screaming all the time is his character flaw and his arc is to become more brave as he gets confident in his demon slayer abilities, but like... can he not be so annoying about it please...?

Also Demon daddy Michael Jackson is pretty cool.

Another thing that kinda grinds my gears about this anime is the pacing. I feel like a lot of these demon fights and training montages can absolutely be cut down form three episodes each to like one and a half... maybe two at the most. I don’t know if you had the same problem, but to me it defiantly feels dragged out for the sake of getting the story to the 26 episode mark.

Hopefully the pacing gets better during the rest of the anime, but I’m not holding out hope. Time will tell I guess. And hopefully Zenitsu will learn that the power of silence can be a blessing.

But overall I am getting a positive feeling out of Demon Slayer. It’s not terrible by no means (trust me I’ve far worse) but it’s defiantly not the show-stopper that most people back during Demon Slayers time in the sun were screaming about. I personally, as of episode 13, give it a solid B-

a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ out of 5.

Also I’m sorry if this was too long to read 🥺

@simplysparrow14 don't feel bad about this long message. Reading other people's opinion on something I enjoy is nice!

I can definitely understand not wanting to get into a series that has a lot of hype, I kinda felt like that with BNHA in the beginning (I still need to catch up but I literally just look forward to Dabi lol)

Ahhh all those characters are so good! Lady Tamayo and Yushiro (I hope I'm right) I love them too. I love the scene where he calls Nezuko unattractive, literally his energy was funny.

Inosuke is fun! I enjoy him too. At first I thought I'd be annoyed with him but he proved me wrong. And Nezuko!!! I don't think there is anyone who truly hates her, I just want to hug her!

As for Tanjiro, I totally get being a bit iffy with him. I still enjoy his character but main characters are almost never my favorite characters in anime/manga because of how predictable they are (My faves are all side characters where anything is possible. And I really like the Hashira those character designs!!!). However, as you said, his big brother love for Nezuko is wonderful (I really like that this series has two siblings as the MC's and we see how far each would go to protect the other. We rarely see loving sibling bonds unless they'rerivals or they have grudges against each other) I also like that he's a sensitive MC. I've seen a lot of shounen anime and I like that Tanjiro isn't a Goku or Naruto (loud, obnoxious, the whole shebang). I feel like BnHA was my first experience of a sensitive MC in shounen.

No offense here about Zenitsu. It's funny I said I don't really like the loud characters but Zenitsu is the loudest one of Demon Slayer lol. I feel like comic-relief characters walk on the slippery slope of annoying af or well received. I noticed a lot of people want to see more of him fighting (because they can't stand awake Zenitsu lol) and I definitely want to see more badass, confident Zenitsu too!

OMG "Demon daddy Michael Jackson" I'm dying!!! We need to see more of him, especially being threatening.

As for the pacing (Right now I'm going by memory) I'm pretty sure the training sequences are dragged out. Usually I skip around if I'm bored, which I think I did or get distracted while it's happening. I wanna say the only training that I could see being dragged out, while making sense is the training Tanjiro did with Sabito and Makomo. One of these characters gets brought up again later (maybe the important detail was said but if you look carefully two characters have a similar haori). I'd also say it helps us to be attached to them since we later find out what happened to them. The old man (I forgot his name) meh if it went more than 1.5 eps I totally forgot because I can lose interest in training arcs lol.

I will say in future seasons (because I read the manga) some fights feel dragged out and there might be an arc that drags out but I honestly see it being at most 2 eps (the first being quick and comedic the second being more serious)

I feel like this 2nd season will be paced better because they (what I assume from the trailer) are animating one arc, "Red Light District" and I cannot wait because

1) The music I picture going alongside the calm, action and scenic moments. The trailer had a banger!

2) The fights. Something super cool happens

3) The comedy

4) ...Uzui with his hair down/messed up.... I always find a husbando in a series and it became him. (there's a joke I wanna make but after it's released)

Honestly, same. When you break it down "Demon Slayer" is your typical shounen anime that follows a lot of the tropes necessary for a series featured in big magazines like "Shounen Jump." But where it does separate itself from protagonists and characters such as "Naruto", "Bleach", "Dragon Ball", "Bkack Clover" etc, it does really well.

I wanna say this series has by far the most eyecatching character designs which is great because I can remember them a lot faster.

And I love their "breath technique" effects. Besides the first episode reeling me in, the effects kept me in (as well as characters). It's a visually appealing anime and the animation team did a wonderful job bringing these characters and this story alive.

I also like that the series takes place during an evolving/modernizing Japan, some places are modern for that time period/influenced time period (1900-20's fashion, trains!?!? I legit face-palmed at the end of season 1 because I forgot that this series wasn't taking place in medieval-ish era) Sometimes I forget that Demon daddy and Tanjiro live in the same time period because of how different their worlds are. (I'm very use to shounen being either just european medieval fantasy world, just medieval/edo fantasy Japan or in the rare case modern fantasy Japan. A mix of both if it's like Bleach but the difference was extreme and literally different worlds) In Demon Slayer, it was a work in progress, a set up perhaps. But I mean, countrysides still exists in more developed countries today but in most anime it was either or. Pre-modern or Present day modern.

And the character backstories are pretty intense. I wanna reread the series again to give a better review. But yeah, prepare to cry some things did catch me off guard and oh geez, I will be crying when certain chapters get animated.

I 100% agree with you on the rating a B- or ⭐⭐⭐⭐ is fair for "Demon Slayer"

For me to give an A+ or 5 stars, the series would have to really surprise me, main character wise (I've read so much that I can predict what will happen, kinda like my mom and horror movies)

Berserk is the closest to a 5 star but that's a Seinen series that goes by different rules and has a lot of dark and really messed up things (big big trigger warning) happen but when that big surprise came it literally took me by surprise the 2016-17 anime was a disgrace and don't get me started on that lol) and of course even then I would still critique it lol

Thank you so much for your ask! I don’t mind reading a bit more and as you can see I love writing...a bit too much. And I hope my rambles aren't too repetitive or boring.

I really do want to draw some Demon Slayer stuff, I really do love the characters in this series.

#thanatasia #thanatasia ask box #simplysparrow14 #demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer opinions

8 notes · View notes

mytextss · 6 years ago

Text

Hey so I needed some closure and I’m writing this right now when I have a cool headspace. I’m sorry I was really terse the last time we spoke, and I want this to be a clean break without any regrets. I’m really glad that we tried to be friends for the past two months. It gave me time to get used to us not being fully together and time for me to move on.

It’s been a crazy run for us. I’ve never gotten in so much trouble, been in so much pain, and gone through so much drama. Those were the painful memories, but I’m glad to say that I also had some happy ones too. So here’s just a couple of the many:

You added me on Snapchat and I was absolutely freaking out. You had caught my eye a couple of months before that and at first I didn’t know it was you. Our snaps together were super boring and I thought you were an fboi cuz your first snap was of your juul and drinks. LOL. What’s funny is that the whole reason we actually got to talking was because of one question- what do you do in your free time? You called me a peasant for watching movies on bootleg sites and then I gave you my number for your Netflix account. I think a dynamite exploded right then and there. We started talking for hours and hours without a break in our conversation. We realized we were actually more attracted to our personalities than just our looks.

After a week, we decided to meet up for our first date. I remember passing the fence and walking into the parking lot of Boston Market. I was excited and nervous, since I hadn’t told anyone about us meeting. I was looking for a crappy car that I thought the typical high schooler had but I was so shocked to see ur clean, white Lexus. I can still recall the smell. It was like fresh leather mixed with the smell of the smoke from your juul. I was like wow. This is really cool. You had on your Moncler jacket (I think), black jeans, and your rings (which I loved). I was thinking: Handsome? check. Sense of fashion? check. Ding ding!! When we were eating pizza, I couldn’t help but feel super awkward but it made me smile when you told me to eat more. Nice? Check. Cute? Check

I remember the first time you got drunk while I was with you and you called me. You slurred your words, kept cursing, but I thought it was absolutely adorable. And even though we were only like a week or two in, you said you loved me. In that moment, I knew that we were going to last a while.

My favorite memory with you has to be the car rides home: holding your hand, listening to chill songs, watching the cars go by, and telling each other stories. My second favorite is the view. It was absolutely breathtaking and I did not know such place existed in Bergen County. Sun beating down on the top of our heads, sweat dripping down, we watched the water glisten and the silhouettes of the Nyc buildings. Up until the day we got caught, I was in total bliss. Out of my 16 years of existence, I can surely say that was my happiest three weeks.And then my mom decided to look through my phone and all hell broke loose. I don’t quite remember all the details, since I tried to block off that memory as much as possible, but that night I still had access to my laptop. I called you underneath my desk and we cried together. I was falling asleep, but you didn’t want me to. You thought that this was going to be our last time able to talk to each other freely but I thought I was going to actually pass out. I stayed up another hour though. Talking with you, trying to find light of the situation. And then I slept.

At some point, you gave me your burner phone. It was a total blessing. We talked all the time from day to deep into the night. We learned so much about each other and at that point we weren’t just flirting. It was true, intimate talking.

Finally, my parents allowed us to date and we had some really memorable moments. We went to the city together, (even though we had other people with us), we had lunch/dinner dates, and yes yes it was all stunningly great. But what I loved most about us was our ability to make each other feel so loved just with our words. We would send each other long long texts about our future, dreams, stories, and how much we meant to each other. Calling you was the same too. We made funny faces, distracted each other, and just talked effortlessly. Something I’ll never forget is how hard you tried for me during the time that we were together. I just wanted to thank you for that. Thank you for dealing with my terrible mood swings, my drama issues, the many times I hung up without a word or disappeared without a word, and literally everything that was difficult for us. Near the end, we thought we could make it but we didn’t. Maybe we could have made it, and maybe we couldn’t. We tried though.

All in all, it’s been about 7 months we’ve known each other. Although I hate to say that it is over, it is. Both of our friends have been telling us that our relationship wasn’t meant to be. Forever? I don’t really know. For right now? Probably.

So I just wanted to say this. Andy, thank you for everything. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned about people, trust, and most importantly, love. You’ve helped me become a better person and I hope I did the same for you too. You’ll forever have a place in my heart. My last wish is that we can one day meet up again and reignite the fire that we lost because of our circumstances. My hope is that you can be the best version of yourself and keep your future in mind while I’m gone. Also, please be happy. Smile, laugh, have adventures. Sleep more, eat healthy, exercise. Do everything that you want to do but make sure to work hard. Whatever you end up doing, just know I’m there supporting you in spirit. When I said we should stop talking, I don’t mean indefinitely. Lets catch up once in a while and not be strangers, ok?

0 notes

thedramafilesblog-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Appearing before The Dramacourt: Suits (Korea) Episodes 1 and 2

***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read The Rules section first for our reviewing and rating system***

***Disclaimer***: This analysis based on Canadian law. This is also NOT LEGAL ADVICE for anyone and this drama is FICTIONAL.

Issues:

Whether the portrayal of Kang Seok and CEO Ha Yeon managing client expectations is accurate.

Whether interviewing for jobs at law firms are as shown.

Whether corporate lawyers can practice criminal law.

Whether you can get potential clients to sign retainer agreements while they are high out of their minds.

Whether you can blackmail your client into dropping his lawsuit against you.

Whether the bromance is legit.

Are Ji Na and Geon Woo the new Mike and Rachel?

The Rule(s):

Yes. Minus the whole lying to the client part.

Somewhat…

It depends…

No!

Hell No!

Ehhh….We’re not really feeling it

Not really….

Analysis:

RedRosette J: Hi guys! Sorry we’ve been AWOL for a while. We had to do some life things like finish Law School! (YAY!) And just as we graduate we get the opportunity to review Suits (Korea)! (*Cheer*) I have to start off by saying that I was a HUGE fan of the US original and I absolutely LOVED it at first. Then I went to Law School and all I could see was how badly written the law stuff was and I had to stop watching it for awhile (occupational hazard LOL). When I heard there was going to be a Kdrama version starring HYUNGSIK I was beyond sold on it! I am all about Hyungsik and his puppyness!

❤

RedRosette J: What really surprised me was how similar to the US version the first two episodes were. They were almost exactly alike but with a little bit of Kdrama jazz added to it. The cinematography, the script, the OST (right down to that quirky toast food truck) was very similar (out of curiosity I went and re-watched the US version pilot episode to compare). I wasn’t sure if I was going to be a fan of the remake because remakes usually faceplant and don’t end well, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised!

#aesthetics

Breaking the law like

Dat sandwich tho

Client meetings on the street like?

This is what drowning in work looks like

When your boss is weird af but you have to act normal and keep a straight face

RedRosette J: I am a huge Hyunsik fan and I think that he makes a good “Mike Ross” (Geon Woo) character. When Hyungsik is up with Jang Dong Gun though his acting can be a little underwhelming but I mean it’s not the end of the world. Hyungsik does manage to give us his sad puppy eyes which made my heart melt for poor Geon Woo. Jang Dong Gun on the other hand is a pretty good Harvey Specter in his character Choi Kang Seok and I’m buying whatever he’s selling.

RedRosette J: I wish CEO Ha Yeon (Jessica Pearson in this alternate reality) had had more screen time because she seems to be written as a composed bad ass just like her US counterpart. From what little we saw, the actress is doing a good job living up to the role so far. I’m slightly disappointed in the Louis Litt character played by Choi Gwi Hwa because a little bit of Louis’s zany-ness is missing from the character Chae Geun Sik. Sure, he is still married to his dictaphone and talks to his pet goldfish but I wish it would have been a bit funnier. I also wish the remake stuck to the running joke about how Louis hates his ancient secretary Norma (LMAO!). I am also not that ecstatic about the Donna character equivalent Hong Da Ham because while the friendship with Kang Seok exists, its not on the same playful level as between Donna and Harvey. I also accept that certain things can get swept away or underplayed in remakes and that character relationships can change when cultural norms are imported into the new version.

#pantsuitgoals

THE DICTAPHONE

Her fashion is on point

Harvey-Donna vibes

In every alternate reality Louis tries to poach Donna!

RedRosette J: As of now, I’m not a fan of the Rachel character Kim Ji Na. She came off too bitchy and mean and I feel like Go Sung Hee doesn’t have electric chemistry with Hyungsik which makes their banter fall a bit flat for me. The drama needs to work on the two of them. The drama however did stay true to the annoying Trevor and Jenny characters in Cheol Soon and Se Hee which I liked and I can’t wait too watch Geon Woo free himself of those toxic friendships.

Kim Ji Na you need to redeem yourself like asap

Oh look its the Trevor guy who ruins Geon Woo’s life

Please do not make this a thing like in the US version

RedRosette J: This remake had big shoes to fill and for the most part I think it delivered.

Issue 1: Whether the portrayal of Kang Seok and CEO Ha Yeon managing client expectations is accurate.

RedRosette J: You do need to manage your client’s expectations just so that they don’t think that you can get them the sun and moon when they retain your services. While I do think that Ha Yeon and Kang Seok needed to talk to their (obnoxious) client so that he was clear about what their services entailed and what he could expect from them, I don’t think it was appropriate (AT ALL) for Kang Seok to lie to him about getting paid already and that the client should just do what they tell him to do. That’s not really how it works. Lying to the client is a big No-No and breaks like a zillion lawyer ethics and rules. To the drama’s credit though, this was addressed constantly throughout both episodes so kudos to that!

When your client is an ass but you gotta be professional

Issue 2: Whether interviewing for jobs at law firms are as shown.

RedRosette J: I can’t really speak for what interviewing as an associate is like because I am technically still a student but for the most part that is what it is like. Everyone gets crowded into a big hall (typically at some shitty banquet hall or convention center) and there’s a lady at the desk who takes your name and then you wait to be called in and the waiting room is a giant stressball of candidates memorizing their perfectly crafted answers. It’s actually quite terrifying. Unfortunately, in real life, it’s nowhere near as nice as the fancy shmancy hotel the Kang & Ham interviews were held at LOL!

Can you feel the stress? Because I can

Who interviews people like this?

Issue 3: Whether corporate lawyers can practice criminal law.

RedRosette J: There’s a common misconception that having the title “Lawyer” means the person knows everything about “the law” and can practice in any type of law whenever they want. FALSE. Most lawyers work in highly specialized parts of the law and it is not recommended that you retain a lawyer who primarily works in one type of law to represent you in a case that is about a totally different type of law. Case in point: corporate lawyers are not experts in criminal law, so don’t get a corporate lawyer to defend you on a criminal case. It’s not that they can’t, it’s just that your interests will be better served by someone who has specialized knowledge in that area. That’s why there are criminal defense lawyers! I think it’s a bit silly that shows do this.

Specialize in one thing peeps

The worst that could happen is you could go to jail bro. It’s all good.

Getting handed your first case like

Issue 4: Whether you can get potential clients to sign retainer agreements while they are high out of their minds.

RedRosette J: Ummm….NO!!!! This is so beyond unethical I can’t even. You cannot get a client to sign a retainer agreement (an agreement stating that they allow you to be their legal representative) while they are high out of their minds! A person entering into any agreement must have the mental capacity and be of sound mind to make a rational and well thought out decision as to whether to enter into the agreement or not. Someone who is as high as a kite on Molly or whatever Lee Yi Kyung’s character was taking was definitely not of sound mind and he was definitely not able to enter into the agreement rationally. On top of that, he was also coerced by the arrival of the cops and Kang Seok threatening him! Nope. No. No can do.

Nope. Not ok. DO NOT SIGN THAT DUDE!

Issue 5: Whether you can blackmail your client into dropping his lawsuit against you.

RedRosette J: Yo no you cannot! Absolutely not. This violates a whole bunch of lawyer ethics, not to mention it is also breaking the law. So no. No matter how much of a pig your client is, you cannot blackmail them into dropping their lawsuit against you. You’d go to jail or be disbarred or both.

Definitely not ok.

Issue 6: Whether the bromance is legit.

RedRosette J: Unfortunately……(don’t hate me) it fell a bit flat for me. I was expecting a fast talking, movie line quoting bromance like the original, but this one just didn’t quite get there for me. While both actors have merit, there’s just something missing between them that just doesn’t quite make the bromance super awesome and one that you want to root for. As of right now, the only relationship on the show I care about is the one of Geon Woo and his Grandma.

This version of Harvey is a baseball fan!

Sorry not feeling it

Nope

Still nothing

Awww my poor heart can’t take it

Issue 7: Are Ji Na and Geon Woo the new Mike and Rachel?

RedRosette J: Again, this fell a bit flat to me because a) their first (real) meeting didn’t have the psazz like Mike and Rachel’s had, b) there was no indication of Geon Woo being totally smitten by Ji Na when they first meet (unlike Mike Ross who is instantly in total awe of Rachel) and c) they shouldn’t have tried to kdrama trope-fy the first meeting. Also idk whether it has to do with the whole kdrama love-hate trope but Ji Na carried that grudge about the rainwater splashing on her for far too long. Girl. Get over it. That shirt wasn’t even that nice. Also she was a bit too mean to him but what I did like about her was that when she realized that she had been wrong about him, she apologized without hesitation so she redeemed herself in my eyes a bit. The two also need more screen time for us to really get a sense of whether or not they are the new “Mike and Rachel”. But there is potential there and I’m not totally dismissing them at this point.

This first meeting kind of didn’t work for me

What is this weird vibe?

At least she apologized

Friends now?

Conclusion: Appeal Allowed.

Rating: 4 = I’ll Give You A Cookie (Mostly because they stuck very close to the original)

File No: Suits (Korea)-EPS-01-and-02 Appearing before The Dramacourt: Suits (Korea) Episodes 1 and 2 ***If this is your first time browsing The Drama Files, please read…

0 notes