#in theory I'd only read books that I can fly through with no issue

[boyapologist]

do you guys ever crawl through books you're not really that interested in and it's like "let's go, I can do this, just one more chapter..." and then once you find a book you actually care about you realize you read like. 43% of it in 2 hours

[ryocos]

I'm alone on my birthday again, so here's 24 puns ❤️

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a french pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.

The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.

Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.

I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.

The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.

What does a house wear? A dress.

Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.

I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.

Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.

Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.

What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!

What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.

At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!

An untalented gymast walks into a bar.

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.

My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.

Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.

Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?

Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.

Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.

Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.

Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.

Models of dragons are not to scale.

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.

A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.

I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.

People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.

Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

What do you call a young musician? A minor.

Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.

If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.

I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.

I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.

I never was good at counting

I feel so honored that on your birthday you would think to send me puns! T.T

But don’t worry pun anon, there are three kinds of people in the world. Those who are good at math and those who are not.