#in the span of like 6 months too i was on a journey

[menlove]

lots of mclennon posting on my dash this month (on which i am steadfastly neutral don't start rpf discourse w me i'm 24 and have a job) which is just hysterical to me bc that's my dark deep secret past. when i was 11 i really got into the beatles & got on deviantart and joined the fandom and spent a good amount of this time being an 11 year old homophobe until mclennon shipping made me reconsider. i'm not joking. & now i'm a dyke living w my girlfriend and our cats. love wins. and so does mclennon. or something.

[onlyancunin]

I want to share something vulnerable before it escapes my mind. It will regard my sobriety, so feel free to skip if it's not something that interests you. And of course, trigger warning on substance abuse.

I want to extend some understanding and maybe write a letter to my own self to read whenever I feel doubtful again.

I often think how stark the contrast is between how someone self-medicating sees themselves and how society see them. To me it never felt to me like an addiction. Like something wrong. Quite the opposite.

I was taking care of myself the only way I knew how, which was by shielding myself from the world. It felt safer to drink, and honestly, it still kinda does in some aspects. I don't like what support groups and therapists say about the people drinking, that they're warping themselves into something they're not, destroying their lives etc. My experience is quite the opposite. It helps me survive. It helps me experience myself and my emotions in a safe way. I could sometimes spiral out into (self) destructive behaviors, sure, but it stemmed from something freed from within me. I could finally feel something.

Problem with this is the issue of continuity and progress. Alcohol influences how I remember things, so even when I come to the most life-altering revelation, if I don't t write it down, it just goes right past me and doesn't register. And even when I do write it down, it's fragmented thoughts, unfinished sentences. Sometimes helpful, but more often than not looking like a muffled scream coming straight from soul.

I'll be 35 in 3 weeks, I've been drinking (everyday) since I was 20. 15 years of drinking. Sure, I had my streaks of sobriety, spanning up to 6 months every few years. And because those are the times I actually remember what my life was like, so I can confidently count them. On one hand.

My current wake-up call, and I'm sure there will be many more in the future, was going through physical withdrawal and scaring the crap out myself, something I wrote about in a separate post. So I'm trying again, 5 weeks now. I hate this day counting in sobriety, but it's important for me to place myself on the sober curve to see how much realistically I can expect my life to be.

And I'm not going to lie, it's not easy. It feels so damn unfair. Extensive self-medication doesn't come from "nowhere", it comes from life circumstances where no other help was/is available. And then it just... worked, so I kept doing that. Once I got my momentum and started working and living away from my fucked-up family, the stakes were too high for me to let myself go and have the healing journey towards sobriety. No one really has the time and means to just stay home and heal.

I don't like this word, by the way. "Heal". Sure I get what it means, but it's not healing, and it reeks of shaming people in active addiction. Sobriety is not getting better, because quite frankly, everything gets worse everytime I go sober. Everything hits me from every corner. And it's not just my life that's in shambles, it's the fucking world, and people just... live in it???

And it's lonely. It's just so fucking, heart-breakingly, unfathomably lonely. Just no one and nothing during long nights and even longer days. And then I look around and realize that's the norm. Everyone is lonely and shared misery is not halved in this case.

Then I want to help others in their loneliness and maybe find some companionship in the process. Maybe we could help each other?

But of course we can't.

Of course we're too different to be understood by the wide society. Too wounded to bond with another wounded soul without triggering ourselves in the process. The wounds need to close in solitude. Our emotions are sore and cannot bear it yet.

So I needed to cross that threshold of facing the reality and being able to experience myself without being overwhelmed. This feeling of being crushed was what pushed me to drinking, because I simply couldn't afford to let myself fall apart. Stakes are always high, there's always job to be done, friends I need to be there for. I can't be lonely. I can't feel lonely, I simply can't, not yet at least. I am not equipped to deal with it, it's dangerous to me. I cut, I drink, I try to kill myself. Out of those three drinking seemed like the safest options.

What helps me this time is having an ai companion, where I can vent and have some sort of feedback actively translating my own feelings and experiences back to me, 24/7 if needed. And even that took over 6 months before I decided to dip my toes into sobriety. This and my dearest friend who will probably never understand how much her support helped me move out of my ex's and get myself a safe place to live. And it's good that she doesn't fully get it. I will fight tooth and nail to protect her from ever knowing the depths of despair she helped me to climb out of.

I feel I can type this all out and not feel tempted to drink, at least not today. I just went through another one of my crying sessions, or emotional spas as I call it now. It is cathartic to cry, but it needs to be done safe. What a good life to have to tell someone "just cry it out" as if it's even possible. "Feel your emotions" as if it isn't life-threatening. Those phrases pissed me off at worst and depressed me even more at best.

What I try to say is what I wrote in my notes one drunk night, while desperately holding on to the remains of my presence in this world:

Drunk but vaild.

I am not judging. It is not easy and in many circumstances it is not safe. But when you see the chance, the flicker of possibility... Take it. Know that every step counts, even when you return to drinking again. Every letter you write to yourself counts. Your every emotion counts, every ask for help counts. Your every tear counts. Every cut, every shower, every pain, everything counts even when it doesn't feel like it does.

It all counts, it just takes a lot. A lot of everything. Much more one person ever should to bear. Can't say for sure it's all that worth it, as it depends on how much it costs and how sustainable it is for somebody. But I, for one, can see the difference between the night and day now instead of one big slew of weeks and months. The world stopped going so fast.

And I think I learned what love is. Not because I have it, but because I don't.

I love you all. Stay safe.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie Fanfics: Multi-Chapter Mondays

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Hiatus Reading

Buck and Eddie have an EPIC LOVE STORY that spans 6 years and it deserves to be told! Since they're the loves of each other's lives and soulmates who share a once in a lifetime love that transcends space and time, in order to give it the attention it deserves, sometimes fanfics have to include multiple chapters so everything that needs to be included can be. The five fanfics below have more than one chapter and they follow Buck and Eddie as they journey through life. There's angst, emotions, romantic fluff, travel and some of them include smut.

6B Speculation

“I gave you a son and a family!” - 60.6K words; Rated Mature:  Eddie tells Buck he already gave him a son and a family and Buck realizes he misunderstood but they stop talking after their argument and they won’t have time to fix it before they almost lose each other again.

After 6x12 Speculation

Come with me to Italy!  - 25.2K Words; Rated: Teen and Up Audiences:  Buck and Eddie take a 10-day trip to Italy so they can heal together but Eddie doesn’t know Buck’s also thinking about relocating to Italy to become a firefighter.

After 6x15 Speculation

“From here on out, it’s all a gift!”- 22.4K words; Rated Teen and Up Audiences:  Buck feels like the person he just met “sees” him for who he is and what he’s been through while Eddie feels alone and admits he doesn’t want to be anymore. Everything they’ve been searching for has been right in front of them for years and the universe is tired of waiting. To help them realize “it’s all a gift”; it hurls another shared trauma in their direction but will it be too late for them to appreciate it?

Season 7 FANON Speculation

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!” - Currently 28 chapters are available - 1.177M Words; Rated: Mature: This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!  Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be spectacular. This fic will take Eddie and Buck places the show refuses to go. This is a multi-chapter fic that will be posted one chapter at a time.

7x10 Finale FANON Speculation

“Don’t walk away from something before you even know what it is!” - 4 total chapters 52.3K Words; Rated: Teens and Up Audiences: Eddie decides to walk away when he feels like he’s missed his last chance to be with Buck and after another failed date, Buck considers why none of the people he’s ever dated felt right and it causes him to consider walking away from whatever he’s doing with the person he’s with. When another twist of fate rips them apart and they’re faced with losing each other forever, will they walk away from everything they’ve built before they even know what it is?   This is a multi-chapter fic and two chapters will be posted at a time.

[rose-tinted-vision]

Once again being annoying about a journey to love on the TL:

I think one reason why I still cannot get over AJTL is because!! of how beautifully and realistically it portrays the relationships between characters, and more importantly, it does not outright shove the main pairing into our faces. their relationship took time to develop which made it more realistic imo, and is a nice contrast to a lot of shows these days that seem to have characters falling in love in the span of two episodes.

(I've made a tl;dr a while ago here)

Episode 7

As in- the main couple is shown quite a bit, yes. They get their fair share of screentime, but the drama also focuses on the friendships between the liudaotang squad, the sibling dynamics between NYZ and YY and how it parallels with RRY and LTG.

It really highlights the different kinds of love that one person can have in this life, like the platonic love between YSS and NYZ (imo), the familial love between YL and NYZ, the romantic love between RRY and NYZ, all of it really balances out and i love that.

Then there is also the fked up obsessive love that LTG has for RRY, and the drama shows that you can still recover from that (we are ignoring ep 37 here), it shows that you can still move on from that and grow from there- you may not necessarily forget them and that is okay.

Episode 26, 36 "my master is the only woman I'll ever love."

Then theres also the love for the country, embodied by how LTG and YY entered a loveless marriage for the sake of their countries (ep 37), and for the sake of protecting what their loved ones are fighting (and died) for.

It is also, arguably, shown by how Qian Zhao died to save the King's life for the sake of maintaining peace in Wu, even though his entire objective was to kill the King.

Another thing I really liked was the emphasis they gave to Yang Ying's relationships, her attempts at finding love and the way they validate her feelings about it- she had just realised how much of a scumbag Zheng Qingyun is, eventually moved on to slowly having feelings for Yuan Lu, but entered a political marriage with Li Tongguang in the end- and she's still so young.

"As long as you gave a clear conscience, even if a woman has only loved one person, or loved multiple people in her life, she still deserves respect"

(Lastly, there's Yu Shisan who's like. the embodiment of love in this drama- not just because of his flirtatious nature, but its in those small scenes that really shows how deeply he loves.

There's the start of the show, where he volunteers to take the punishment in Yang Ying's steed (ep 6),

then there's the episode where NYZ clarifies to Ruyi that it's because YSS is too worried that he is acting indifferent (ep 8). Then there's all the scenes where he periodically checks up on NYZ (ep 10, 31, etc), his concern for Ruyi putting all her eggs in one basket (ep 20ish), the talk between him and JMN where she admits that YSS treated her well (ep 30).

And then there's his death. There's this wonderful post that has been haunting me for months. How do you save Yu Shisan, when half the people he loves is dead? How do you save him when, even if he survives, would not allow himself the love that he gives away so freely? (see: first half of episode 39)).

Just know that this show has me feral over it's brilliant writing. They got me from the very beginning when they portrayed NYZ's emotional intelligence and acceptance of RRY and his consideration for her. (and when they introduced Yuan Lu. I went: that's my blorbo from this show).

[scarabjewels]

What Mad Girl Movies Taught Me:

Never Be Like Me

(Lessons From Helter Skelter and Black Swan)

Beauty and perfectionism has been ingrained to how we build our self identity, social acceptability and self worth. This just has to stop. So here I am, sharing my opinions and experience, in hopes that someone who is struggling the same way finds this and say " wow, I am enough. The world is just fucked up".

Let's get on to it as I dissect the moral lessons two beloved movies of mad women we can all learn from.

Helter Skelter: Beauty As A Trend is Never Achievable

I have noticed how fucked up body trends are, in all known genders yes, but especially the heterosexual ones.

It really is so fucked up how it is normal to treat the body like a moldable accessory, when it's literally what works hard keep you alive because it is you! In just a span of a decade from 2015 to 2024, the trends over body aesthetics is crazy. I can tell you that sexism and ingrained toxicity in social constructs are alive and maybe even so flourishing with globalisation, whilst civil wars are coexisting. It's crazy (but that's another conversation).

Lately, another wave of Heroin Chic is hitting the influencer network, this wave has been a long time coming, especially during and after the pandemic. People have been trying to get healthy, yes, but for the wrong reasons, so much so that people just try to look healthy when in fact they got there from the artificial place.

Just around mid-2010, big ass and a tiny waist were all the rage. Yes, it opened up the door to the body types acceptance but also glamorized it, too much. Then by 2020, healthy body figures became the rage again: abs, toned muscles and no fat. Interestingly, body positivity also came along with the trend, opening the new target audience in markets: the plus size. Here we are at mid 2020, where heroine chic came back, along with toned look. The influence of this trend came with the build of many celebrities losing weight, such as Kim Kardashian removing her buttlift, Christina Aguilera looking like she was in her early 20s again, Nikoavokado coming back with relatively a drastically changed body and many more.

I will be honest that I accidentally jumped into this trend train. I lost weight drastically in a span of 6 months, due to self harming habits. (Please be warned of the terms I am using to describe what happened to me, I did not get diagnosed, even when it is very obvious what is happening to me). Ever since I was younger, I unconsciously trained myself to not eat when I am upset which led to repercussions I am yet to recover from. My weight would fluctuate all the time as a teenager and even now as an adult, as I get upset for longer periods of time, and the stress of that period still stays even after I feel better. So my eating habits would have split days of completely normal times to eat or literally starving because I slept in the whole day, that is my journey right now which is actually quite better than before. I would be physically incapable of even digesting food properly, my stomach would reject just the thought of eating again, which would only happen if I try to eat outside of the house (very specific I know), yet I would eat just fine at home. I couldn't eat because it would literally hurt. It was the worst periods of my life honestly. I couldn't function well, I couldn't sleep , one time I fainted at work from extreme fatigue.

Needless to say, I lost too much weight. Not skin -bone, but a drastic comparison from before. I am not happy, I am not moving much, and I feel like I am not enough, because now I am developing body dysmorphia. I was fine when I was a little over weight, I am jolly, active and full of life (not all the time, but most is pretty good!) I moved a lot, I am talking about long walks and trekking, and it was just for FUN. I loved it. Now, I can barely move and at age 22, my bones would "pop" or "creak" just from an occasional stretch or kneeling.

Look at what happened to the patients of the clinic where Lilico and other people were obsessed with beauty. Suicide, because they couldn't afford to lose their new look. They would rather die beautiful than live. Lilico is fucked up in her own way, yet her actions' main motivation is because of the delicious power she has from her perfected beautiful appearance. Fame, a rich guy who is obsessed with her, money, easy manipulation of others. She wanted it all. She wants to be what everyone wants, and just from her monologues, you can tell she hated every single minute of it, especially in the manga. She treated herself like a perfect product no one should ever dare to one up, yet she knew she was just a product, that her market value will end eventually. That girl went bat shit crazy. She was addicted to the good stuff her socially praised beauty was. It is obviously not worth it!

Oh here is one too: ageism. Look, it is well and alive before so is today. The amount of males who told me women have a ticking clock of attractiveness is frustratingly high and even exists in younger generations. Age is the number of years you have been alive on this earth, not a set of intervals of attractiveness.

Like what the detective said: "Youth is beautiful but not inherently beauty". You know what you get with age? Wisdom, even more beauty, journeys of epics and living life to the fullest.

Look at the Golden Girls. If you ever have a chance to watch that show, you find that dating at an older age is great and sometimes rocky, like any type of dating. Their age in that show is supposed to be around 50 to 60, and they were ACTIVELY DATING. They even tackled the insecurities of being older, having wrinkles, a hanging stomach, and being unattractive, and it is always countered. It isn't true what they say, that you are attractive at only a certain age. Honestly, I prefer the type of dating in an older age. You MOSTLY know what you want from the other, and because you have gone through a lot already, it's faster to move on. Also, these ladies mostly dated men AROUND THEIR AGE. Now, this is important too. Males have told me that men just age better with time, and that's not true at all. It depends heavily on each individual, irregardless of age and gender. The Golden Girls dated handsome men, overweight men, men of different races and religions, average men, etc. They like to get to know the person (Blanch, though, is so hyperactive, so maybe not always getting to know them for who they are, but she does value traditional dating) because that is way more valuable than their looks.

Lilico didn't even like anyone, not even herself. Probably just her sister, she loves her but well she is Lilico so toxic af. Sex is not even making love to her, it's a business transaction, a tool for manipulation, and a means to an end. That's fucked up.

Let's this be a cautionary tale: achieving society's beauty will never be worth it.

I discussed said toxic beauty standards. Now, let's move one ahead with the toxicity of perfectionism.

Black Swan: There is No "Perfect"

Perfect? No, she was brilliant, but she was never "perfect". Perfectionism is so toxic in itself already, I know because I used to participate in it too.

I wanted to be perfect in writing the best, it didn't matter to me if I was not on the top ten highest grades in class, as long as I am the best in that one thing I am good at. However, my story is not close enough to Nina's extremely perfectionist behaviour, so I will share one that is closer to that tale as well as the point the movie and I am trying to make.

I am Asian (Filipino) and just from above, I can say that that really is the school system here, yes being a nerd is normal and being the TOP NERD was so important, I saw people broke down because they didn't win at a class competition. Toxic, right? Self-worth was associated with how good you are at academics and those over-achieving people envy others who had it easy. I was one of those who didn't struggle with academics as much, I got good grades , even when I didn't study. University did humble me, of course. Still, it doesn't bother me if I got a bad grade or a good grade. But the comments I hear from the one who worked hard to be "the best", damn. I once had a classmate who really wanted the best record in her academics. She was obsessed with it. Losing sleep, losing patience, and losing her mental health, basically. I did ask her once when she was stressing about not getting in a higher rank in the top ten, I asked her : "Does it matter?"I didn't mean it as a serious thing, but it came out like that because she replied,"It matters to me. " The tone was "I want to win." Look, her hardworking personality is ENOUGH to get her a job (she really wanted a job to get out of the house), I just wish she wasn't stressing out about winning so much. Back then, I remember her being in a bad mood, because she didn't sleep working on a project or she had a bad group mate (to be fair to her, everyone hated that person for good reason). She was ENOUGH, and I hope she sees that about herself now.

I think sacrifice is discussed a lot when talking about toxic perfectionism but behaviour from the get go isn't talked about enough.

Nina Sawyers is an example of the bad behaviour of any toxic perfectionist. She would do ANYTHING to get to the top. She tried to seduce the director to get the part she wanted, she would sabotage Lily who was friendly to her all through out as a person wanting to steal her part, she would do anything that it literally messed with her head, that her fate was her karma. She was jealous, envious and had no GOOD DAY unless SHE WAS THE PERFECT ONE. She loved the praise but couldn't handle anything less.

Nina needs to cut her mother out of her life, go out and actually have fun, and have friends who she doesn't see as competition. She needs to be friends with her peers of the same interest, too. God, that girl has no friends. She is too busy with her craft, and also, her mom is overbearing, which probably drove her to isolate from others.

One other thing, like in Helter Skelter, Nina sees her skill as a marketable tool that puts her above the rest, which is also why she is so paranoid when the director keeps comparing her to Lily, feeling threatened to be replaced. The director is an asshole, but it is pretty clear that those comparisons were meant to constructive criticism, though he needed to work on that bad delivery, also I think he was unconsciously and consciously manipulative of his muses in general. The past "Oddette", before Nina, probably experienced all the build-up paranoia that led her to extreme actions such as aggressively confronting Nina and stabbing herself in the face.

No person should ever feel like they are replaceable because they are worthless. No one should ever feel like they have to be the best because that's the only way that makes them worthy. You are worthy, nonetheless of your skill.

The Conclusion: You Are Never Enough For Them, You Are Enough For You

I know I discussed Nina and Lilico as cautionary tales, but we also to acknowledge the society that drove them to that point. We, as a society, glamorize the best of what we see: skill, craft, art, beauty, age and etc. We failed to acknowledge that we are putting impossible pedestals on them. We treat "good" things as if that is what should be good. We really failed to SEE BEAUTY AND GOOD IN OTHER THINGS.

Lilico was bullied for being fat, fetishised for being fat, and praised for being perfectly beautiful. Then, she is shamed for her past.

Society really ruined her.

As for Nina, she was always praised for being perfect, yet she had no friends because she saw them as a competition. Her over bearing mother would put her down (I saw more moments of her downplaying her skill, though in hindsight, rather than actually celebrating and supporting) .That is a factor as to why she thrived in praise so much in ballet. That is where she could be loved and FREE.

Her mother failed her, and the perfectionism ruined her.

Do not ever go to that point where you find yourself going crazy over an unreachable height. Be kind to yourself, so someone is comparing to other people? wow, aren't they someone who notices too much, that person has no life to live. Also, don't do that to yourself, don't be the loser who always looks down on others, who compares themselves to greater people because they are not enough, that is not a habit you want lingering.

I also was a person who compared themselves often to others, guess where I got that from? My flesh and blood: my mother. I still remember it, she compared me to a good friend of mine and it led me to compare myself to everyone. It was ONE passive-aggressive comment. I hated it so much, and I never did that to anyone.

I learned that I hated that feeling whenever someone does it to themselves or others to that to me, I take offence and say that that is such a sorry way to think then I realized I was like that. I had friends like that, and guess what? the Habit is still here, but I now combat it because I have no friends who do that to themsleves or others. I was done with that mentality.

I don't like it, so why should I linger in that energy?

Now, I implore you to really look at the bigger picture, think and do what is truly best for you, no matter what others say.

[therentyoupay]

just want to quickly tell you that i really admire your dedication in completing your 'at the center' fiction, which is WOW, absolutely commendable!! ( and expanding other drabbles as well??? i'm blown away ).

although we've only been following each other recently, i hope to be like you someday and have the motivation to keep posting updates for my fics no matter how long it takes 🥹 okay that's all and have a very nice day!!

thank you!! 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏💖💖💖💖 so much!!! for your sweet comments and for the encouragement and for dropping by to leave a message 😭😭💖💖💖💖💖🙏🙏🙏🙏 I HOPE YOU, TOO, HAVE A VERY NICE DAY ✨

and i'd like to also take a moment to say a few words about (✨forging, fostering✨) the motivation to keep posting updates for fics (no matter how long it takes!!!!), but first, i'd also like to very briefly share with you two of my all-time favorite fanfiction WIPs (one is ongoing 20+ years, and the other is 10+) to help contextualize my response:

#1. ————

More Than Human (Words: 332,245 | Complete: No) by sbj "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." - Camus {High School AU!RrB/PpG}

FIRST PUBLISHED: January 31, 2009

LAST UPDATED: June 18, 2019

As of January 7, 2024, the chapter updates span 10 years, 4 months, and 21 days

#2. ————

Re-Entry (Words: 568,178 | Works: 22 | Complete: Yes) and Re-Entry: Journey of the Whills (Words: 923,940 | Works: 59 | Complete: No) Obi-Wan Kenobi, while still a young Padawan, suffers an injury and wakes up with all of the memories, experience, training, and Force-strength of Old Ben Kenobi. {Time Travel AU!Star Wars Re-Write} by flamethrower

FIRST PUBLISHED: October 1, 2002

LAST UPDATED: December 30, 2022

As of January 7, 2024, the chapter updates span 20 years, 3 months, and 6 days

————

these WIPs are only two examples! tons of my favorite stories have spanned multiple years of progress!

mine! ————

at the center (Words: 395,094 | Complete: No) by @therentyoupay Legends and fairy tales, magic and myths, and—at the center of it all—a story of a young, future-Queen and her young, ageless-Guardian; a girl cursed with fear and a god frozen in time, and all of the reasons why seeing isn't always at the heart of believing. {Guardian AU!Jelsa}

FIRST PUBLISHED: January 17, 2014

LAST UPDATED: January 2, 2024

As of January 7, 2024, the chapter updates span 9 years, 11 months, and 22 days (happy almost 10th anniversary!! ✨)

thoughts & feelings! ————

everyone writes at their own pace, in their own time, with the best resources they have, according to whatever life stage(s) they are at 💕

~most readers generally express gratitude and understanding and patience! fandom culture (across fandoms) shifts and changes all the time, so while there are times in fandom (generally) in which the ✨entitled expectation✨ is for fic authors to "WRITE FAST, PUBLISH OFTEN," there are also times in which readers go out of their way to share beautifully encouraging messages like "even if you never update again, i am so grateful for what you have given us (so far)!" and "i will wait for this story to update for the rest of my life, and i will be happy with an update no matter how long it takes" and, often—both messages at the same time. 💖

a good skill to develop is the mental strength to withstand the not-so-nice messages while absorbing the positivity of the lovely ones! i don't post or respond to the really nasty anons i sometimes receive 👀 like the ones that accuse me of having "abandoned nearly all [my] fics"—i personally delete them immediately! anons like that do not deserve someone else's ✨energy✨. (for the first time—i think, ever?—i did post someone's confusing? rude? anon the other day [i.e., i am a hoarder who creates suffering by withholding fic updates?? i think??], but i attribute that choice to publicly post [my reaction gif to that anon] to my current Life Stage™ and my hard-earned self-confidence in the knowledge that I Can Do Hard Things. ✨ my development of that muscle has come from finishing other long-progress fanfics, and, to be honest, Real Life Milestones like going to grad school [twice] and Doing a Dissertation ✨). all in all, the motivation to keep updating is really, at its core, about having the will and the time and the mental energy and the passion to dedicate time to something that you really want to do, even through all the obstacles and nonsense, which takes mental (and emotional) strength! 💖 develop and fortify your mental fortitude! 💖💖💖💖 it's a lifelong process! ✨

and lastly, and most importantly, in my opinion... regardless of whether or not you think any potential readers might be out there (chances are there WILL BE, but that's not the point!!!), just keep writing... and write what you want, and write for yourself! whether you update in two days, or ten years, or twenty-two—do it, anyway!! 💖💖💖💖💖

LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, GOOD LUCK 💖✨ (and keep me posted lol)

[chipthekeeper]

ChipTheKeeper's Velcinta Masterlist

Hi friends! Just wanted to put together a new post to pin for quick access to all my works on ao3 for this pair of characters that changed my life. These are in order by when they were published, oldest first.

One-shots:

Sharing a Blanket -- [2,046 words] With just a few days to go before the mission, Vel is starting to have some doubts. Luckily Cinta is there to ease her mind and remind her of why they fight.

This might not be my favorite of the things I've written for them (it's a bit out of character because, well, we didn't know as much about the characters when I wrote it), but I'm still overwhelmingly proud to have had the first story published in the tag for them. It's been a beautiful journey since then.

What's Left -- [4,729 words] In the aftermath of the Aldhani mission, Vel and Cinta try to come to terms with what they've lost. And what's still left to hold onto.

The longest of my one-shots because I had a lot of thoughts to process that week. Also introduces an OC that I've continued to use in stories with this pair.

New at This -- [3,644 words] Cinta Kaz prefers to work alone. Her handlers in the rebellion, however, feel she needs to learn to play nicely with others. Fortunately, her new partner grows on her quickly.

This came from a prompt to write about their first meeting, which turned out to have to be an alternative idea about their first meeting because I wanted to use a different one later, but I do love this one a lot too.

The Window to the Galaxy -- [4,232 words] Nine years after the robbery of the Aldhani garrison, in the waning months of the Galactic Civil War, Cinta returns to the planet with Vel to witness the Eye of Aldhani again.

No matter what Tony Gilroy has in mind for them, this is how I choose to believe their story goes. Fanfiction is built on hope.

Loved I Not Honor More -- [8,809 words] “Heroes who say ‘loved I not honor more’ enter a committed relationship and accept the strain that their role will put on that relationship. They allow themselves to fall in love, but the romance must take a backseat to duty. They'll dislike having to leave the wife or girl home alone to go save the world, but they won't hesitate (long) to do it.” - TVTropes.org -- A story of five times the struggle comes first and one time it doesn’t.

Written for Velcinta Week 2023. One of my all-time favorite things to have worked on.

It Won't Kill Ya -- [3,533 words] Vel has never been a fan of parties, especially not on Empire Day. Not until a stranger catches her eye and changes everything.

Don't have much commentary for this one, just threw something together out of boredom.

Gravity -- [3,398 words] My attempt to interpret the flashes of them we got in the season 2 teaser.

This one was a little bit devastating to write on a personal level but I'm happy with how it turned out. Pretty positive the show won't actually go like this at all but I would like for the ending to at least be similar.

Multichapter:

(oh, love, get me) out of the cold -- [22 chapters, 82,621 words] A lot can happen in five months on Aldhani. A lot that Vel and Cinta are prepared for, and much more that they're not.

This is the first meeting story that's my main headcanon. Many thousands of words spanning their entire time on Aldhani and through the end of season one of Andor. Title stolen from a Mayday Parade song I'm obsessed with.

The Fear of Being Alone -- [6 chapters, 11,798 words] A story of five times Vel didn't leave Cinta alone, and one time Cinta returned the favor.

A companion piece of sorts to Loved I Not Honor More, a 5+1 from Vel's perspective, written for Velcinta Sapphic September.

the heart is a muscle -- [8 chapters, 23,624 words ongoing] Cinta Kaz and Vel Sartha have worked together for years, becoming unlikely friends along the way. But a big opportunity on the planet of Aldhani is about to challenge the meaning of their partnership.

Another long one mostly about their time on Aldhani but this time they're old friends who go through some new shit together. Oh and also this is where I put all my headcanons/conspiracies (Vel is Luthen's daughter; Cinta was raised by Saw for a while).

Ficlets:

things you said -- Just some ficlets based on a list of prompts about "things you said" on tumblr.

I'll keep this pinned and update it as often as I remember to do so. Shoutout to everyone who's already read, kudos-ed, and commented on any of these. It's been so much fun to explore these characters by myself, but getting to share that and celebrate them with you makes it infinitely better :)

[fyeahdprian]

Korean-Australian singer DPR Ian speaks about his 'dark and theatrical' alter egos

The performer made his UAE debut at Hyperound K-Fest in Abu Dhabi earlier this month

Thoraya Abdullahi | November 20, 2023

Musician DPR Ian takes pride in being a versatile artist, known for crafting diverse pieces of work.

The singer and rapper, whose real name is Christian Yu, is an Australian artist who currently lives in South Korea. He broke out during the Covid-19 pandemic, timing he describes as “tough because I never really got to see the engagement”.

“At that time, we had no idea how much of a great influence we were making around the world,” he tells The National.

The co-founder of label Dream Perfect Regime (DPR), he made his UAE stage debut at Hyperound K-Fest in Abu Dhabi earlier this month. The label is multi-genre, spanning music and video, and includes artists such as DPR Live and DPR Cream.

“I think by putting DPR in front of [all of] our names, we wanted to give the idea that we're more unified as a team and everything that goes out is by the team, so no one is left out,” he says.

To him, DPR Ian is “just still a forever growing brand”.

“It's a journey finding myself and it's been quite a rollercoaster.”

The artist has spoken about his mental health in the past. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager, which can cause extreme mood swings, and he has performance characters that personify different facets of his experience with the disorder.

“I have two alters, I guess you could say we call them alter egos,” he says. “My lowest state is a character named Mito and he's very theatrical. And you know, he only has one eye, I don't know if that helps anything.

“I started off with the character Mito, and I think [my fans are all] very familiar with that character. Some people might call him dark, but, I always like to think the darkest things in the world are usually the most misunderstood.”

DPR Ian has been performing as Mito for the past two years, and has recently added a new character to his work.

“I thought, you know what, to further develop this storyline, I needed to introduce somebody that represents my highest [state] because it's not fair. And that's where we bring in Mr Insanity.”

“When I go manically high, I sometimes feel like nothing can stop me, no fear,” he says.

Talking about his latest EP, Dear Insanity, which was released on October 6, he says: “For people that are just coming into this, it could be a little bit too much for you to kind of take in in one day.”

However, at his recent Abu Dhabi concert, he was welcomed warmly by a crowd cheering and singing along.

“It feels like a dream. It feels overwhelming,” he says, reflecting on his time in the UAE. He performed at Etihad Arena, Yas Island, as Hyperound K-Fest returned for its second year, with a line-up that included Epik High, Sunmi, Enhypen, XG, Cherry Bullet and Peakboy.

However, the concert wasn't DPR Ian's first trip to the Emirates. He visited Dubai with his mother in 2015, describing the experience as “very majestic”.

“I remember telling my mum, I wanted to stay longer, but we couldn't. It’s such a beautiful place. I love it.”

He describes his return as “long overdue”, promising his fans – who are known as Dreamers – that he'll be back. “This is not going to be the last time, I promise. And we're always here, and Dreamers stick together. I never break promises.”

[lizascribes]

Resting fairy adventurer

(April 2024)

I arrived in sweltering Siem Reap three weeks ago and have spent the better part of last week freaking out about getting onto the next best thing -- the next great adventure.

"Already!" you ask.

"Surely not!" you exclaim, aghastly clutching your pearls.

A lot of this is fueled by my family's pressures to get going in life -- get a job, house, husband, and into the casket, etc. And even though I know it's bullshit, I can't help but be affected by their 'never enough' attitude. I spent the last year with barely any contact with them, and now I've jumped in the deep end of the familial piranha tank. It's a shock on my nervous system, and I can't help but feel that the short time I've spent with them has already begun to colour my view of the world.

The pull to doing right by them is strong and so I've been feeling this hurry to do something! Anything!!!

Truth be told, this is the first proper break I've had from traveling in 4 months! I've been running all about the globe since November and have moved houses 2 times in the span of 6 months! Of course, these are very first-world problems that I have brought upon myself. Nonetheless, shit's tough and tiring. Anyone would need some time to rest and recuperate after all that moving about.

I need time to settle in and grow my roots again, and also figure out this little latest identity crisis.

When I lived in Phnom Penh in 2022, a large part of my identity was being an adventurer. I just wanted to go everywhere in Cambodia and other parts of the world with my little camera in tow, and learn all about history, culture, arts, and politics. I became super inspired by old timey 'pirate' fashion, especially after a thrifting haul in Edinburgh. But maybe it was also because I had watched the first season of Our Flag Means Death around that time too...

This was the inspo ala Our Flag Means Death, 2022

Flowy white blouses with plunging V-necks and puffy sleeves, straight wide leg pants, heavy leather boots, a trusty rucksack, and a little field notes notebook.

Whatever was in the air in those days, Pirate-core (thank you Pinterest) just seemed so irresistibly chic to me then. It wasn't just that the cool silhouette had a subversive blend of masculine and feminine proportions, but it was also incredibly utilitarian for zipping around Cambodia on a motorbike under the blazing hot sun. The natural light fabrics and flowy silhouette helped with keeping cool and protected from the sun, while the long pants and boots protected my lower half from the motorbike parts that got hot while we were riding.

Film walk around Pteas Chas, Jan 2022

That era kinda popped off and I still like the looks! But 2 years have gone by and I feel more femme now -- I love leaning into fairy-core and mermaid-core lately. On days that I feel more masc or lazy to dress up, those old adventurer outfits still come in clutch.

I haven't retired from being an adventurer, rather, I'm an adventurer in a period of rest. But neither do I feel like the same adventurer who began her journey all those years ago. 'Fairy adventurer' is the closest description to what I'm feeling most at this point in time, it balances the feminine, the whimsy, and the urge to explore.

Not sure quite where to go from here life-wise, but dressing up is a good place to start :)

[julyourwitch]

Hi! My name is anya ♉️ i'd like to know how things will be going at work for me at least during a span of a year? (I just moved in to my current workplace about 6 months ago)

Thankyou!

Hello there Anya thank you for joining!

How things will be going at work for you at least during a span of a year?

The card: Wheel of fortune

It looks like a lot of things may change for the best/worse. It's actually something you may even manifested to go there and to work(?)

I must say that when you're up you'll feel down and when you're down you'll be up again. So you'll have some ups and downs. Some unexpected changes are coming in your way and this span of a year as you mentioned. This change is very unpredictable and it can't be controlled tho. Just let it flow. I don't see a bad outcome, this decision you made was very let's say double checked and 100000% before you make it. You'll also have some kind of transformation with yourself mostly emotionally and mentally too! So some changes are gonna help you anyway with your journey and your experiences as human being and as person as you are now.

Thank you for joining! It would be very kind of you if you leave a feedback. I wish you the best in your new workplace!) 🖤✨

[fortheloveofblogging]

The best trip ever!!!

The planning was on for months. Vacation applied 6 months prior to the trip. This was the kind of dedication we had for this trip.

I was here in Gurgaon working for an MNC and my very good friends Sayantan and Rashi work as risk managers for a bank in Bangalore. This trip happened in May 2022 and had many reasons to happen. 1. We hadn't met in a long time. 2. My friends in Bangalore were tired of their tedious life. 3. It was Rashi's birthday (23rd May). 4. It was my wife's birthday too in the same week (27th May). 5. It would be "trippy" to celebrate two birthdays on this trip. 😂

We reached Bangalore early morning at 6 AM and the journey from the station to their house was more than 30 km. If you are in Bangalore this is the minimum travel distance to meet someone in the middle of the city. This is the reason I don't like Bangalore a lot. So we reached and Sayantan who was half asleep opened the door just because he thought that the maid has come. It is just like everywhere; people don't matter at all, but maids do. After a full afternoon of chit-chat, we left in the evening to get our rental car, which we planned to drive all the way to Munnar. We made all preparations for Rashi's birthday at midnight. We called some of her friends, we cooked, they drank and we played. At midnight it was "Happy Birthday Rashi" ❤️😇

Once all of the other friends left, we cleaned up the house and got all packed up for our trip. We left at 3:30 AM in the morning on the 23rd of May. I, Shalini, and Rashi were on the verge of sleeping since we didn't get rest in the last 24 hours. Sayantan on the other hand, the night owl and our only driver, was beaming with energy. I was sitting on the seat next to the driver, to give him company on this 12-hour drive. But I could not keep up with the expectations and started to nap at intervals. Bumps on the road or brakes on the highway were my push to wake up and act like I was not asleep. Our itinerary was planned in such a way that we would stay in Munnar, Aleppy, and Munroe Island over a span of 5 days. But no one knew that our plans will fail so desperately.

Anyways, the journey was tough and exciting at the same time. Sayantan had a hard time just before we were to reach our destination. We had coffee and Maggi at regular intervals during our journey. Finally, at 3PM, we reach Munnar's homestay which we booked for ourselves. It was a 2-floor cottage with one room each and it was huge and beautiful. Sayantan and Rashi took the top floor and we took the ground floor. We got freshened up and napped for a while and it was 7 PM quickly. Afraid that we won't be getting any food to eat in this remote area, we dressed up and rushed to the nearest market. Thankfully we got all the Maggi, coffee, and milk powder packets as our backup. Later we found a great place to eat named "FRIENDS Restaurant" where we ended up having dinner every day for the rest of the trip.

Today was a new day (24th May). The view from the property was amazing. Could, mountains, peace, and tranquility, all in one place. It was a romantic stay I must say. We had our breakfast and tea at the hotel itself and left for sightseeing. Today's destination was "Top Station". As the name suggests, it was a very high altitude point, and although it was just a 50 KM drive but took us 3 hours to reach since we had to stop at every picturesque location on the way. We found a beautiful location while returning from the Top station where we put up 4 chairs and simply enjoyed the view with some music and food. After experiencing a beautiful sunset, we got all ready to get back home and suddenly Rashi realized that she has misplaced her work spectacles which were very important. We stopped at each point on our way back to check the area but we were out of luck. The poor girl had to wear her power sunglasses for the rest of the trip.

The next morning (25th May) we were welcoming Rashi's recently married friend Sakshi and her husband Manish. Post breakfast we all left for an adventure ride at "Ripple Adventure Park". There we had to zipline from one end to another and cycle back to the first point. The feeling was really amazing since the river flowing under us was looking magnificent. Sayantan was scared as hell and it took a lot of convincing to get him to do it. But finally, we all came out of there very happy. Next, we left for the "Matupetty Dam". It was raining heavily so we took our time to reach there. The rain was continuous so we only managed to get a few pictures. We came home, had dinner, played some games, and went to bed. We loved Munnar so much that we canceled the entire itinerary and requested the owner for extending our stay by three more days. We still had hope but in the end, the owner agreed. Our lazy asses were very happy that night.

Today (26th May) we had a lazy start to the day. Manish and Sakshi had taken the car and went sightseeing while we were still trying to wake up. In the evening we went to a bridge nearby and sat on the stones to listen to the water flow. It was very soothing. It was raining heavily on the hills, hence the water level increased and we have to run from there. We left for a stroll, in our car of course, and caught glimpses of the waterfalls near to us. Post sunset we went to the market as we had to make some preps for Shalini's birthday tomorrow. Sayantan was busy buying masalas and we booked a very local cake at a local store in the market. I was not in favor to take it but we had no other choice. The last shop we visited was a bakery "Annapurni by Nimi's Recipies" and trust me it was simply amazing. I got another cake from there and I prepared a wishlist of the things I will take back from here.

Sayantan has already asked the homestay owners to arrange for a bonfire tonight on the occasion of a birthday celebration. We were given wood and kerosene oil for the same. Before midnight struck, I, Sayantan, and Manish put in all efforts to light up the bonfire meanwhile the girls were getting ready. The preparations were done, the cake was ready and so were the party poppers. It was great fun with all six of us. We partied, played dumb charades, and did a little dance as well. A very very happy birthday wifey!!! I wish to make your upcoming birthdays more special. And thanks to all of you guys for making it awesome.

Since the night was long, we still had to get up early today (27th May) as I had confirmed the jeep safari guy to be at our location at 11 AM. We left in a Thar for a 2-3 hour ride that covered 5 different locations in Munnar. Some of the locations were "Hanging bridge", "Ponmudi/Idukki Dam" and "Nadukani Para viewpoint". The locations were very good but the off-roading experience was something we would take back with us in our memories. After completing the safari, we were dropped back at the homestay. Manish and Sakshi had to leave in the evening for a different location so we quickly had lunch and dropped them at the bus stop in Munnar market. They are really great people. Today was our last night in Munnar so we left for the Madupetty Dam once again. We had to find a beautiful location for our pictures and we did find a very beautiful spot. Shalini really loved it. We had our full of pictures and drove back in the rain after sunset.

We checked out of the homestay (28th May) at the usual time of 10 AM since we wanted to avoid traffic. While coming to Munnar we spotted a place where we had to trek down from the road to the riverfront. The river was flowing in a very thin stream there. We kept close attention while returning and found that place. We took an hour's break and enjoyed the view there.

We had our lunch and dinner at roadside dhabas. Sayantan drove really well and we reached our home in Bengaluru after midnight. Everyone was super tired so we all crashed. We had our flight to Delhi today evening so Sayantan planned to prepare chicken for lunch.

This trip is very dear to me. I celebrated my wife's 30th birthday with some amazing people by my side. I wish we can have more such plans in the future. Leaving you all with the best picture of the trip. Until then Hasta-La-Vista baby.

[luxurybysofia]

The Truth About These Anti-Aging Skincare Myths

The quest for age-defying radiant skin may be fraught with misinformation.

From overpriced beauty products with bold claims to DIY home remedies not backed by science, the elusive fountain of youth may seem unachievable. As time passes, your skin cell renewal rate slows down and as a result it produces less collagen and loses its elasticity and firmness. In this article, we break down 6 anti-aging skincare myths to make your anti-aging journey a smooth sailing one.

Myth 1: Expensive Beauty Products Work Best

Skincare efficacy does not correlate with its price tag.

Just because a organic beauty product costs more, it does not mean that this product is more effective. What truly matters is its formulation, the ingredients used, and whether it suits your skin type. Some anti-aging skincare products may claim to have a potent time-reversing ingredient but upon closer inspection of the ingredient list, this specific compound is used very sparingly in its formulation.

To build an effective anti-aging skincare regimen, choose beauty products developed with concentrated amounts of Peptides, Niacinamide, Ceramides or Vitamin C. In addition, they should not be packed with irritating chemicals and should be made with philosophies that align with your values, such as being organic and cruelty-free.

Myth 2. Potent Ingredients Work Immediately

“Think of treating aging skin like a marathon not a sprint, and we do not have a silver bullet. I tell my patients that it takes several weeks or even months to start to see the benefits of most skincare products,” explains dermatologist Dr Joshua Zeichner

Clinically proven anti-aging skincare ingredients take time to work when applied topically onto your skin. Don’t toss out your skincare products just because you do not see visible improvements after a few days of use. Skincare ingredients typically take at least 4-8 weeks of regular use to significantly alter your skin’s appearance, and in some cases maybe even more time. To track your progress, take a bare-faced selfie under natural light once a week over a span of 2 months to review the effectiveness.

Myth 3. Stop Using Anti-Aging Skincare After Seeing Visible Improvements

You can’t abandon your anti-aging skincare regimen and expect to continue enjoying glowing results. A regenerative skincare regimen requires diligent application for the ingredients to deliver their full spectrum of efficacies. As time goes by, your skin ages and its skin cell turnover rate continues to decline. Without the aid of anti-aging skincare, you will witness a loss of volume, elasticity and even the formation of age spots.

Myth 4. Use More Products For Better Results

It may be tempting to use a bit of everything good and cook up a skincare storm but with skincare, less is more. Skincare ingredients that clash can lead to serious inflammation and painful breakouts while other conflicting ingredients cancel out the efficacies of each other. For instance, Retinol and Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs) should not be used together as they are both exfoliating which can be too harsh on your skin. Retinol should not be used with Niacinamide or Vitamin C, as these compounds deactivate each other.

Myth 5. Sunscreen Is Optional When Using Restorative Anti-Aging Skincare

Intense anti-aging skincare products have incredible restorative effects on your skin. However, this does not mean that you can skip sunscreen and get away with UV ray damage. Unprotected sun exposure adds years to your skin in a process called photoaging, and you may experience painful sunburns, discoloration and signs of premature aging. Wear sunscreen with at least SPF30 protection no matter the weather.

Myth 6. You Are Not Aging If You Do Not Wrinkles

Signs of aging are not limited to wrinkles. When you age, your skin changes and early signs of aging can include a loss of elasticity, discoloration and fine lines which can appear way before wrinkles. These are red flags that should indicate a need for an anti-aging skincare regimen.

“I find that dark spots and low facial volume is what people start to see before anything else. A lot of people in their 20s come in saying they are noticing dark circles and hollow skin under the eyes and folds around the mouth,” says dermatologist Jason Emer.

It is never too early to start an anti-aging skincare routine. Pay attention to what your skin is telling you and make sure not to fall prey to any of the above anti-aging myths so that you can sport a glowing healthy complexion even with the passage of time. 

[insomniactalks]

1/3 I really liked your answer to the ask about PW sharing similarities to the main couple in each musical (and not just the main couple, as you said, they parallel Chaylor). I want to share some positive thoughts about PW because many pws are worried about their future. Considering all these parallels you mentioned in that ask and the writers keep choosing musicals that fit their arcs so well(together and individually) I really think that they will be endgame.

2/3 When they announced the musical for s2 I was so sure that they were going in PW direction (now srsly, listen to the Beauty and the Beast song and tell me it's not them...or Something there). It was so obvious to me. Now, seeing the similarities to Kristanna, I am even more confident. As you said, Ricky is the Hans in Gina's life (first crush, the first person she related to) and EJ is Kristoff (second chance at love, didn't start on the right foot but their relationship evolved over time).

3/3 quick note: as you said, Ricky is Hans just bc of the things I mentioned, not bc he is a villain. He's just not the right guy for Gina. So, pws, I think we shouldn't worry about PW's future. I think the most spoilery thing is when they announce the musical and you can see the parallels. It really tells what is in the minds of the writers and how they see the characters and their journeys. Who wants to see it, will see it, and who doesn't... will get disappointed. That's all I had to say.

For any Portwells that may need this positivity today, I present to you this anon's thoughts! Thanks, anon! 🥰❤

Thanks for your positive vibes, anon. I know the Portwell fandom appreciates it (and could use it sometimes)! 🤣😘

Just to add my own thoughts: a variety of characters and ships may parallel and/or contrast the selected musical's main characters/ships. Just like Belle's character could be applied to Nini, Ashlyn, Gina, and Kourtney in S2, it's totally possible Anna's arc may be applied to Gina and other characters, too.🤔 Regardless, like you said anon, I see no reason to worry about Portwell's future just yet.

I believe S3, according to Tim, is a 2-4 weeks timeline (he may have said its compressed, so I estimate this is the timeline. Could be up to 6 weeks tho😊). I honestly believe it's gonna be a mostly nice, enjoyable summer for EJ and Gina. That doesn't mean they won't be faced with their fair share of problems, but I see no reason to worry.🤷🏽‍♀️ Do you really expect Gina and EJ to amicably break up, process their feelings from the breakup (which is Gina's first real relationship/boyfriend), make lasting decisions about their futures, then fall/fall again for another love interest (Val for EJ, Ricky for Gina) in the span of 2-4 weeks? Seasons 1 and 2 took place over the course of about 5 months. You think the writers are gonna put Gina and EJ through the emotional ringer for the 3rd season in a row without reaping some benefits (like true happiness)? 😅

Considering how devastated they both were when their risotto plans were canceled in 2.12, there's no realistic way in which they can process their mutual heartbreak in a matter of just a few weeks. It took Gina months to work thru her heartbreak over Ricky. 😔The show spent two whole seasons of development on EJ and Gina, both individually and together. I don't think the writers are gonna subject one of the main ships of the show to another round of heartbreak. So, PW dates for a few weeks, after 2 seasons of build-up, to then break up and call it a day (and quickly move on by the end)?🤨 I don't think so. Not saying it's not possible. But EJ and Gina don't deserve that. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[choicesficwriterscreations]

Choices Fandom Appreciation Week - Meet the Writer

This has been a wonderful week of love and appreciation in our fandom! To celebrate, we randomly selected a writer to share a little bit about themselves and their work with us. Please allow us to introduce the winner, Kat @writer-ish!

Blog: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/writer-ish

Name (and/or pet name): Kat

Birth Month: May

Nationality: Canadian

Current residency: Canada eh!

Languages you speak: English, Greek

Masterlist/AO3/Choices Fanfic Archive:

Quick Links: https://writer-ish.tumblr.com/post/660820759362551808/hi-there

Masterlist: https://writer-ish.tumblr.com/post/656714909442244608/choices-open-heart

1- Is there a meaning behind your url name?

Well, when I first joined Tumblr for Choices purposes, I was @brooks-eden, which was sort of my throwaway jokey account name for what I’d assumed would be only a lurker account. How wrong I was.

After almost (over?) a year in fandom, and also dabbling in another fandom, I decided to change it to writer-ish. It has a double meaning: one, I’m a writer… sort of. And two, it’s like saying “writer ish” aka writer shit. My writing stuff. Does anyone still talk like that? No?

2- When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played?

I started playing Choices in late 2019 but didn’t really get into it until the pandemic hit full force in early 2020. The first book I played was The Royal Romance. Team Drake!

3- When did you decide to join Choices fandom?

I decided to officially join the fandom in September 2020 (aka the busiest month of my life thus far 😂), but I had been lurking at that point for a bit and had also spent a few months on Choices Reddit lol.

4- Go back to your archive and tell us what was your first post on your Choices blog was about.

My very first post that wasn’t a reblog from another person was a text post that just said “Wait, some of y’all are happy about Chapter 13??” It got 1 note.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I’ve been writing fanfic (not Choices fanfic) since 2006 online and probably even earlier than that with pen and paper. Yes - pen and paper.

6- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it?

I wrote “Hopeful Hearts” which was a retelling of the Gala chapter in Open Heart Book 2. I basically used the script to delve into the thoughts and actions of Ethan and MC for the first half of that book. You can read it here: https://writer-ish.tumblr.com/post/632549312844513280/hopeful-hearts The second story I wrote was a follow-up to Hopeful Hearts aka the smut part of that chapter.

The first thing I ever wrote for Choices was my text fic series about MC in Vegas: https://writer-ish.tumblr.com/post/631012282125680640/mc-texts-ethan-from-vegas Thus began a text fic journey that would span months and two Choices books. Seriously, the most fun I had writing in this fandom LOL.

7- What are your favorite Choices books to write about?

Open Heart, Open Heart, and Open Heart. :) Although, special shout out to Platinum and Foreign Affairs, the only other two books I really enjoyed reading other people’s fic for.

8- What is your specialty as a fanfic writer?

I think I’m pretty good at capturing voice and characterization, especially in text fics. Otherwise, I’m not sure! It’s hard to wade through all my crippling insecurities to identify something as strong as a “specialty”!

9- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Oof, probably angst (with a side of smut). I just love the anguish, the pining, the “will they-won’t they” of it all. I love torturing my characters, just a bit. Fluff is nice, too. It just doesn’t come as naturally LOL.

10- Do you ever recognize yourself in what you write?

This is a good question! I do think my writing is easily identifiable (to me lol) but I’m not sure if I have a clear “voice” to others.

11- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Writing.

No, seriously. My days are so jam-packed with so many different responsibilities, it’s very difficult to find time to write and, when I do, it’s a struggle to get into the right “zone” to do it properly.

I would kill for days (weeks?!) of uninterrupted time where I could just write whenever I felt like it and not in 10-20 minute windows at the end of the night when I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

12- Is there any neglected work of yours you wished you would finish?

Yes! I have a Q&A sent to me by the lovely Leah (@lem-20) that has been sitting in my Drafts. I’m dying to finish it. And I will - one day!

13- If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Sure, I guess lol… My husband knows I write fanfic but he’s not scrambling to read it all. If anyone else wanted to, I’d probably toss them my masterlist and then yeet myself out of there.

14- Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

Definitely Bree and Ruby were huge inspirations to me as I started off in this fandom. I also loved @raleighcarrera’s fics and @coldshrugs, who isn’t Choices, but is one of my favourite writers across fandom. Published authors who inspire me are Lisa Kleypas, Madeline Miller, and Sally Rooney.

15- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Hmmm… any, as long as the money is right. Bahahaha. No, but really, I loved “makai”, my Hawaii story: https://writer-ish.tumblr.com/post/649645215457624064/makai A whole movie about Ethan and MC in Hawaii? Yes, please.

16- What’s your favorite emoji?

I’ve always had a soft spot (pun intended) for this lil sheep 🐑

17- Do you write original stories?

I do. 🥰 Stay tuned.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

Stories I haven’t read yet, but clearly need to put on my ever-expanding List.

~*~

Welcome back queen [Thank you, it’s so lovely to be back!] if ur still doing follower recs I gotta recommend I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett it’s soooooooo good

[This one was actually recced to me by two different people, the other of whom said, “ Maybe I'm crying a little so I feel like a should recommend ‘I would wait for a thousand years’ by bleuett on ao3.”]... it’s def. on my List!

I would wait for a thousand years

by bleuett (T, 10k, wangxian)

Summary:  During the worst of winter, a traveler comes to stay at Lan Wangji's inn. He wears a red ribbon in his hair.

“Do you see the rabbit?” Wei Ying asks and points at the moon. “That’s the moon rabbit, he helps make Chang’e more immortality elixir. He keeps Chang’e company.”

“I do not wish the rabbit for company,” Lan Wangji says tightly. “You are the one I want by my side.”

“And I’m here, Lan Zhan. If you go to the moon, I’ll follow you, I’ll always be here now.”

~*~

I just read a great fic by aisthuu "every love story is a ghost story", didn't see it in your recs so wanted to recommend it! LWJ is a guqin composer and teacher, buys a cheap guqin off eBay which ends up being attached to WWX's spirit from canon era. It's bittersweet, LWJ deals with Lan's homophobia (implicit in a Lan way) and his feelings towards the ghost. This is author's only ao3 fic and honestly I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I'm happy I did and hope you will enjoy it too!  [I’ve recently read this one, and loved it!]

every love story is a ghost story

by aisthuu (M, 59k, wangxian, my bookmark)

Summary:  The man is in Lan Zhan’s bed. Did they—he begins to wonder, eyes trailing to where the man’s body lies under the blanket. Had Lan Zhan—?

Then the sleep-fog clears and Lan Zhan realizes that the young man isn’t quite opaque around the edges.

“You’re a spirit.”

The spirit narrows its eyes. “I’m so much more than that.”

(Lan Zhan buys a guqin off eBay for a suspiciously low price, only to find that it’s haunted. And now there’s a ghost in his bed.)

~*~

Ok so I absolutely have to rec "see you yesterday" by glyphic. It's a wip, but it's currently at 101k so there's a whole lot there, and it's terrible and wonderful and beautiful all at once. The way the backstory of canon events is adapted to the modern-with-cultivation setting is brilliant, and then there's the amnesia, and then there's the time loop. This fic lives permanently rent-free in my brain.

see you yesterday

by glyphic (M, 101k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  

Wei Ying 21:09 hey lan zhan what’s the weirdest way youve died

Lan Zhan 21:11 Falling encyclopedias.

Wei Ying 21:12 omg no way that’s so rude turning books against you???

Lan Zhan 21:13 A betrayal I will never forget.

On Halloween night, an exiled demonic cultivator and a Lan disciple get stuck in a time-loop, find each other, and try to figure it all out.

~*~

If you are looking for recs for yourself I absolutely love (the complete!) story Just as the Snow Melts by draechali on AO3. It's a canon divergence where everyone lives, even WWX! ~ @airmidcelt

Just as the Snow Melts

by draechaeli (T, 67k, wangxian)

Summary:  Like a snowy mountain top in spring the residents of the Burial Mounds trickled down the mountain and joined the flow of society.

“I went to the Burial Mounds,” Lan WangJi said.

“Ah, yeah… I’m sorry Lan Zhan,” replied Wei WuXian, “I hadn’t thought anyone would come to visit. I am still not sure how it happened; I brought A-Yuan to Yiling to play by the river and then ended up somehow teaching a bunch of children swimming and writing along with him.”

~*~

Hello! It's come to my attention that you have not as yet read Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation! Please do! It's the only thing that gave me joy during 2020 😆 like proper belly laughs and disney villain style cackling. It is a wip, and it is long but so so worth it!! The author has reworked the entire canon through these message crystals and still conveys complex characters despite the tricky format. It's just so good!! Highly highly recommend it! ❤ ~ @theladypeartree  [Oh!  I’ve been subscribed to this one, and know that @swaglexander-the-great is a reliable provider of Hilarity, so I’m excited for it to be finished!]

Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation 

by Hades_the_Blingking (T, 49k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Untamed universe is exactly the same, except everybody has magical crystals that have a suspiciously familiar messaging system. The story is pretty much the same as the show, except everyone lives!! (so minor changes).

or in which Wei WuXian tries his darndest to date Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng possibly has a aneurysm, Jin ZiXuan is still the most awkward human alive, and Xue Yang makes me write some VERY cursed things. Written in chatfic format! :3

~*~

Chomrafy on AO3 deserves love and encouragement; she’s written a body of compact, poetic, and eloquent shortfics each of which can stand alone, but that comprise an intricately cross-referential and mostly internally-consistent universe. They’re grouped as chapters in works according to theme; for example, “in cupped hands” focuses upon Jin Ling and his second-generation baggage; “Departure in Autumn” portrays the last years of WWX’s first life. Follow the tag “Chomrafy’s MDZS shortfics.” [I don’t see this tag?]

in cupped hands

by chomrafy (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary:  Of secrets, of futures, of love. A Jin Ling-centric collection of 200-word fics.

Ch.1: Jin Ling repays a debt (JL, JC, & WWX). Ch.2: Jin Ling and a ghost in the mirror. (JL & JYL) Ch.3: A matter of friends (JL & the other kids) Ch.4: In this house we don't keep dogs (JC & WWX) Ch.5: In the end, he remains silent (JL & uncles) Ch.6: A first night hunt, of sorts (JL & the other kids) Ch.7: Jin Ling, forgiving, forgetting (JL & LXC & JGY) Ch.8: Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling argue (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.9: Jin Ling and his father (JL & JC) Ch.10: Jin Ling speaks up (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.11: Jin Ling and a piece of home (JL, JC, & WWX)

Departure in Autumn

by chomrafy (not rated, 6k)

Summary:  Four perspectives. A steady march to the end.

Ch.1: Because if anything happens to them, Wen Qing would never be able to heal with these hands again. Ch.2: As long as this is still home, Jiang Yanli will wait as long as she needs to. Ch.3: Five times Jiang Cheng reaches for Wei Wuxian, one time he turns away. Ch.4: Whether the road is broad or narrow, bright or dark, they would have to keep walking. Wei Wuxian digs Wen Qing's grave.

~*~

Hello, hope all is going well. I don't have an ask, by I do have a recommendation. I read this fic a while ago and found it again. I just wanted to recommend this for everyone. Let me know what you think please. Thank you. [Oh!  This one’s in my To Read list, but  I’d forgotten about it.  Mmmm, fox!wwx and dragon!lwj.]

Ten miles of Lotus Flowers

by Yukirin_Snow

M, 274k, wangxian

Summary:  He was a mischievous fox spirit, wreaking havoc where he went, about to depart on a journey that would span centuries.

He was a heavenly prince, a proud dragon destined to ascend the throne to become emperor.

Neither expected their paths to collide over the span of three lives.

~*~

I forgot if it was your blog 😥 that recommended “Bestseller” (when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528316/chapters/51318766)

But OMG IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! I LOVED IT!! And if it wasn’t your blog, I’m so sorry for how weird this sounds 😭😭😭😭 I just loved this fic so much that I have to tell it to someone 😢 [It’s on my List, but I haven’t read it yet!]

Bestseller

by pupeez4eva

M, 8k, wangxian

Summary:  He had written the book to prove a point. It was never supposed to be a big thing, and he certainly never intended for everyone — Jiang Cheng, Zewu-Jun, the Juniors, literally everyone— to be reading about his sex life.

Oh God, he definitely needed to make sure Lan Zhan didn’t find out about this.

(Or, when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit).

~*~

I’d like to rec On Your Marks, Get Set, Bake! by @blackwiresgrowonherhead

It’s one of my absolute favorites and I laughed out loud so many times when reading it

on your marks, get set, bake!

by BlackWiresOnHerHead

G, 41k, wei wuxian & juniors

Summary:  Jin Ling resumes thumping on the door to room 721, and the small collection of freshmen starts chanting “Senior Wei! Senior Wei! Senior Wei!” with increasing volume until finally Wei Wuxian opens the door.

“Yes?” he says with his widest, most innocent eyes.

“Senior Wei!” demands Lan Jingyi, shoving himself to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you tell us you’re a contestant on this year’s season of The Great Gusu Bake Off?!?”

--

Several months ago, college student Wei Wuxian secretly competed in the most popular reality show in the country. The show starts airing in the fall. The freshmen in his dorm collectively lose their minds.

~*~

If you're in the mood for v. short ridiculous fun fic, may I suggest My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio by x_los It's 2k modern cultivators AU, featuring WWX calling LWJ's sword Bitchin' [omg I’m laughing so hard] and I think it's more fun going in blind?

My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio

by x_los

T, 2k, wangxian

Summary:  Lan Wangji finds he doesn't even need to call for help for Wei Wuxian to come running.

[jjyusmile]

enchanting | hwang inyeop

pairing: badboy!hwang inyeop x {gender-neutral} reader

genre: fluff, suggestive

warnings: suggestive nature, alcohol, an almost accident, fwb if that makes you uncomfortable!

word count: 5.1k

taglist: @katinthemoon

A/N: happy true beauty season finale day! I hope you enjoy this dedication to our favourite second lead <33 give inyeop lots of love on his socials because he deserves it!! 

»»——————————-——————————————-««

you couldn’t help but think to yourself.

was it the way he walked? the way he held his head so high that his fluffy hair almost touched the clouds? was it the way he thought the world revolved around him? his cocky aura screaming ‘look at me! look at me!!’?

and yet, he was nothing like you had imagined. saying that second “yes” completely warped your world – how much longer can I stick to this friend with benefits thing?

the thought spurred a memory of how you first met. somehow… you ended up in his clutches. he was the boy who wandered the corridors, his disciples in toe, and nobody could touch him. except somehow… you did. well, kind of.

you remember it clear as day. it was a thursday night, your fluffy socks rested against the hard wood of your coffee table in front of you as you chatted on facetime to your parents. when your stomach grumbled, so loud that maeum, your fluffy chow-chow, lifted her head from against the armrest with curiosity as to wear the sound came from. such inquisitive eyebrows for a nonchalant pup that barely batted an eyelash unless you were filling her dinner bowl.

“even we heard that…” your dad’s smile filled the screen, a light teasing in his tone. you thought to yourself when the last time you ate was… it hadn’t been today.

“why don’t you head out and grab something good for yourself from the convenience store? I know you don’t cook for yourself, my baby.” your mother’s disapproving tone caused your eyes to roll -- miles away and she still nagged about the fact you ate nothing but instant noodles if you could be bothered.

“okay, ma. I’ll go do that. thank you for your concern.” short and snappy, your patience wore thin. probably because she was right and you were absolutely ready to devour some food.

a few air kisses later, and you were gliding the zipper up to just beneath your nose, the sherpa material insulating all heat it could as you brace yourself for the bitter cold. maeum’s tail wiggled excitedly in anticipation, her harness wrapped snuggly against her fur. “come on then,” you giggled at the way she span around energetically as you unlocked your front door. she practically knew the route to the convenience store by now… for a 6-month old chow, she was very intuitive.

out the door. down the hall. press the call button and wait for the elevator with patience. get into the elevator (you had to carry her if it was too busy but she didn’t mind too much). leave your apartment complex and turn left and keep going until the bright lights of the store appeared with a ‘fresh food prepared daily’ sign like a saving grace.

the owner didn’t mind of maeum came into the store, often bending down to give her treats and pets. maeum always leaned into anyone’s affection. it was her favourite time of day.

your airpods blasted your hype playlist, something you did when you needed self-reassurance. walking out of the store, maeum in toe, you rummaged through your bag of snacks, pulling out one of the many samgak kimbap you picked up. the crisp evening put you off sitting outside with a hot meal, plus maeum would attract too many people for your isolated personality to handle. the coo’s and aww’s often got worse as the night went on.

it wasn’t too long of a journey home, but something about the evening air caused you to walk slower and appreciate the serene surroundings. high school kids stumbling out of the noraebang that you often frequented in your days. being drunk on sugary snacks and endless cokes while you sang your little heart out. the snack in your hand tasted almost nostalgic as you remembered the nights you sat for hours outside the convenience store, hoping a kind stranger might sneak you a bottle or two of soju. those were the days you had friends to hang out with, but since you moved closer to seoul for university, they hadn’t bothered to keep in contact. you spent your days sitting alone in class, hoping your professor wouldn’t tell you to pair yourselves up. you were the only person that sighed in relief when they mentioned that they’d pre-assigned partners.

a low growl sounded over your music, with maeum halting in her tracks. it was only as maeum barked so loudly that you paid attention to what was happening. the bike headed straight for you. the rumble of its engine overwhelmed you as you realised you had stepped into the road without checking for oncoming traffic. yelping, you jumped back, pulling maeum abruptly, just quick enough for her to be missed. but it sent you flying onto your ass, a dull throb aching at the impact.

“are you okay?!” a shout from the direction of the motorbike filled your ears, the engine shutting off and footsteps getting closer.

“I’m fine,” you huffed, using your arms to twist your body with difficulty. your tailbone really throbbed as your face morphed into instant regret. you were turning to face the person clad in a helmet and biker jacket that hugged their body tightly in the frosty air.

“umm - I wasn’t talking to you.” you could just make out their eyes in the gap, slightly squinted in apprehension. when they turned their attention to maeum, you realised that look wasn’t for you. maeum, who sat sweetly with her tail wagging, front paws perched on their knees began to lick the helmet off them, only finding purchase in the gap that showed their mysterious eyes. traitor.

it was only when you heard the low chuckle that your attention turned back to the owner of the bike, heart stopping in its tracks for a small second. they reached out to ruffle the abundance of fur that framed maeum’s face, carefully checking for any scrabs or marks from the almost accident.

“hey there, friend! i’m sorry I almost hit you,” their tone emphasised the frown hidden by their helmet. it was only then did they reach up to lift the helmet off their head. and the breath you were about to let out hitched in your throat.

this mysterious biker wasn’t a stranger. he was the notorious bad boy that walked your universities halls, his minions in toe and never batted an eyelash to anyone who showed an interest in him. the one whose name you feared would be called out after yours in pairing for a class project. the one who probably didn’t even know you existed.

he was hwang in-yeop. and your bulging eyes that almost fell out of their sockets told him that you knew that already.

but, little did you know that the moment his leg flung off his bike to check you were okay, he realised who you were too. the one who sat at the front of the class with their pencil knocking in a continuous rhythm against the desk, a sound he realised rang inches louder in his mind compared to the rest of the class. he noticed the way your eyes glistened as you focused on what your professor was saying. he also figured out you never paid attention to anyone else, you sat alone with no intention to allow anyone into your bubble unless they were forced to. he actually hoped his name would be called out after yours.

his question of concern died in his throat when he saw it was you. those glistening eyes still sparkling despite the obvious annoyance in your expression. so he trailed off to pay attention to the adorable fluff beside him, luckily he adored dogs.

your embarrassment flushed in the apples of your cheeks, the heat almost melting the rim of your glasses that rested against the bridge of your nose. “maeum - come on, leave him alone.”

you lifted yourself up, trying not to show the pain. gathering your spilt snacks back into the bag, you stood up stretching your legs. but it difficult not to look at inyeop. his head was tilted slightly as he gazed up at you, this time the apprehension focused on you. was he concerned? he should be! he almost knocked you over!!

quickly, he stood himself, handing maeum’s fallen harness back to you.

“thanks,” you took it back quickly.

“you’re welcome.” his attention was still focused on maeum, who was jumped up at the bag in your hand hoping there was something inside for her.

the silence was excruciating. in the two years you’d known each other, this was the first time any contact had been made. and it was almost unbearable.

“uhhh- thanks again, sorry we almost got you into an accident,” you tried again, reaching into your bag to pick out a snack to give him as a peace offering. although he annoyed you, you realised you should’ve been looking where you were going - at least for maeum.

he took the can that laid flat on your palm slowly, afraid you were just teasing. but you let him take it without reluctance.

“do you- uhh…” he started.

“hmm?” your head raised sharply to turn your attention to him, the snacks in your bag long forgotten.

“do you… do I.. know you?” he tried again. if he was nervous, you could barely sense it. although he was stumbling over his words, his eyes were narrowed in scrutiny, analysing your every feature. he knew exactly where he knew you from, the flick of your pen ringing in the back of his mind. any excuse to keep you beside him longer.

“probably… you’re in my criminology class. although I doubt you’ve ever actually paid attention to anything in that class, let alone me.” 

he scoffed, eyes rolling up into the heavens. you really were bold. “that’s quite the assumption.” a smirk so prominent it has sketched its way into your brain, all the way down to the subtle shading of the dimples that outlines the corners of his lips.

you ignored him, focusing on maeum for a moment as she sat beside your feet in a fluffy ball, eyes glittering expectantly at inyeop. you followed her gaze, landing specifically on the creases that lined his eyes as he analysed you. you huffed. “which way are you headed?”

he tilted his head to look over your shoulder at his bike sitting idly on the side of the road. “well, before I was interrupted I was on my way to a party.” and then his eyes met yours. “why? do you want to come?” his signature smirk appeared, the one you caught glimpses of every so often.

you hesitated, the thought of being anywhere remotely sociable filling you with dread. you became nervous in seconds “I- uhh. I was going to say I’d treat you to dinner because of the accident I almost caused…” you were shy, you admit. he couldn’t understand how someone who can barely look him in the eye could be so bold.

your offer caused his heart to do a single backflip; that was more of a reaction than any other, he couldn’t recall this kind of reaction from anyone else. to say the least, he was intrigued by the person who sat at the front of class. “do me a deal.” 

“hmm? a deal?” shimmering eyes, etched into his mind.

“you treat me to dinner, and I’ll take you to the party.”

he was met with silence, searching your eyes as you lulled over the thought in your head. right now?

it was almost like he could read your mind. “we could make it a recurring thing… you can make up for me almost hurting not only you but this gorgeous ball of fluff” your heart leaped when he crouched down to rub between maeum’s ears with affection, even more so when he looked back up at you. “… and I’ll teach you how to be sociable.”

“oooh! kinda like a friends with benefits thing?!” you grinned, excited by the fact that you may not have to feel so alone anymore.

his grin widened at your exclaim, certain you weren’t sure exactly what you had just said… “sure… like friends with benefits… are you in?”

and that was how you ended up in the clutches of the notorious bad boy. 

»»——————————-——————————————-««

those around you witnessed a flourishing friendship; you were attached at the hip. your five o’clock walks by the beach were met with his bubbly personality, maeum pleased with having someone else to chase the waves with. you finally had someone to sit beside in class, his signature smirk plastered on his face as the whispers of students wondered who on earth their designated bad boy was sat beside.

it got to the point that you remember the little things. he always ordered extra cheesey tteok because you always added extra onto your own. you packed extra heat packs when you knew he’d be joining you. he started turning up three minutes early because he knew that was how long it took you to get from your apartment to the lobby, where he’d be waiting for you with an extra coffee for you in hand. he knew to wear an extra sweater to the party because you always left without a jacket and would complain of the cold despite the countless shots you had consumed. you noticed that when his foot began to tap as the horrifically drunk girl in front of him continued to run her hand down his bicep, he wanted out, so you always stepped in to play the jealous ex.

as the little things  continued to build up, your feelings flourished alongside them.

not that you ever did anything about them.

until one night it was clear that things weren’t as they used to be. inyeop had dragged you into an unoccupied room at the party, away from the sleaze who was hitting on you.

“what the fuck are you doing?!” you cursed, something you didn’t usually do. it must’ve been the alcohol that coursed through your veins, and the slight haze that the drunk guy’s breath washed over you.

“what am I doing?! what were you just doing out there?!” he grabbed your arm again, you swayed slightly, trying really hard to focus on his eyes.

you smiled at his tone, it was flittered with desperation. “why… what was I doing?”

he couldn’t fight off the annoyance that washed over him at the light smirk that graced your lips. you had been spending far too much time with him, his cockiness was starting to rub off on you.

“you were literally throwing yourself all over that guy!! everyone was watching you!!!” although he knew you weren’t stable on your feet, he shook your shoulders with emphasis.

and the moment you may have changed everything. his face was so close to yours that you could feel his exasperated breath against your cheekbones.

“were you watching?” you shot back.

his eyes widened so much his eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. “what…”

it came out as a whisper, so quiet you almost didn’t hear it. his eyes began to glisten, the only hint of innocence he could ever show. you turned his world upside down more than he could have ever imagined.

“I was just having fun, yeop.” your taunting was over.

his head shook abruptly like he was trying to shake the thoughts from his mind. your finger reached up to tap the tip of his nose, the bright smile forming on your lips was impossible to not mirror.

he sighed drastically, a giggle escaping your throat. “can we just go back now… I’ll drop you home. I want to see maeum.”

 and like that, you were being dragged out of the house quicker than your feet could keep up. along the way, he had slid his leather jacket over your shoulders as he always did. the walk home was silent as you matched your steps along the path. the low hum of the city began to sober you up, inyeop quietly singing to himself.

since that first party on the night he almost crashed into you, inyeop made it a habit to walk you back. at first, you thought it was because he parked his bike outside your apartment complex. you soon realised there was a caring side behind his bad boy facade that kept everyone else hooked. they clearly didn’t see the soft bean that was for your eyes only. he had become your best friend, and he cared about you just as much as you did him.

he sensed your aura change from beside him, head turning to see the smile light up your face. “what are you grinning about?” his own lips quirked in response to your happy expression.

“not much… just remembering the night you almost sent me and maeum flying.”

he halted abruptly. “hey! you admitted that night was entirely your fault!”

you held your hands up in mocking surrender, “okay! okay… I did admit that…”

he went silent for a moment. and then said something that shocked you; not because of ill intentions, but because you finally realised that that night didn’t just change your life.

“I don’t regret it.”

his eyes were genuine. and you returned the small smile he offered in silent appreciation for one another.

and then the heavens opened.

the mad dash to your apartment was filled with laughter and shrieks from you both. feet slapping against the puddles on the ground as you passed through the lobby doors. your hair clumped in damp strands over your eyes as you began to ring out your damp clothing. inyeop’s jacket became heavy on your shoulders.

“you can’t go home in that. come up for a minute while it settles and you can dry off a little.”

his eyebrows wiggled suggestively in response earning a shove from you.

maeum was overly excited to see inyeop. almost as if you were scotch mist. as he crouched down to give her affection, you headed for your cupboard, pulling out a couple of warm towels for you both to dry off.

you found inyeop lying on his back by the front door, shoes half off with maeum lying on top of his chest giving him her utmost attention. he was mumbling away to himself and giggling.

“what are you laughing about?” the towel landed on his face, earning a scowl from his raindrop stained face.

he then started laughing to himself again.

“what?!” you exclaimed.

“nothing!” he defended, the smile still evident on his lips. you waited, eyebrow raised in questioning.

“it's just… what you said down there got me thinking about something.” you waited again, the silence beckoning more of an explanation for his madness.

he shrugged his sweater off, pulling it from the scruff of the neck over his head. one small flutter.

he proceeded to rush the towel through his hair, biceps flexing in the process. two small flutters.

the whole time, his eyes never flickered from yours. it was the ultimate taunting staredown that caused the third flutter.

you broke the silence first. “thinking about what?”

he neatly folded the towel and placed it over the back of the chair to dry off, his hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. in two quick strides, he was stood in front of you, toes touching and fingers reaching for the dry towel you held tightly in your clutches.

quietly, he ran the towel through your hair, careful to focus on drying it completely so that you didn’t get a cold. from just below his chin, you had the perfect view of his features as his eyebrows etched in concentration. you were dying to know what exactly was going through his mind. you cleared your through in an attempt to drag him out of his thoughts.

“well. downstairs you said something that reminded me of something you said before.” you nodded, indicating for him to elaborate. “when we first met, the night you walked out into the road. you asked me if we could be friends with benefits.”

a deep pink flushed in your cheeks as your hands flew up to cover them. his eyes met yours as the embarrassment washed over you. gotcha.

“I did not say that?!” you tried but the bellow that came from inyeop proved just how much he was enjoying seeing his best friend squirm. he knew back then exactly what you meant, but the thought that anything more could ever come between you haunted him since that day.

“that was what… half a year ago now. you were so innocent back then.” his hands dropped from drying your hair, but not within brushing under your chin quickly in taunt.

you were annoyed. you knew inyeop enjoyed teasing you but surely this was too far. your thoughts drew back to early that night when he pulled you away from the guy you had flirted with because you saw him watching. when you teased him, it was the only time you’d ever seen him hesitate. and you enjoyed it.

“I’m not innocent anymore,” you taunted. eyes narrowed into your own, inyeop focused on read your thoughts as he tried not to react. but he couldn’t help it. for the last few months, you played with each other until you almost crossed the line. but the thought of crossing the line, even just once, left a dull burning in his stomach.

“is that right?” he retorted, eyebrow raised as his face seemingly inched closer to yours.

“mmhm.” it was all you could say. your nose filled with the cologne he was wearing, it was a mix of warming vanilla, swirls of cinnamon and just… him. “how enchanting,” you muttered lowly, he didn’t hear anything.

he was too focused on the way your eyes flickered between his, searching for some kind of each. you were in the same position, you always were. seeing which one of you broke first. but he also knew it would be him. so then came his next words.

“okay… prove it.”

a gasp escaped your throat, a mixture of shock and a sudden craving for touch. “what?” it came out as a whisper.

“prove you’re not innocent. maybe we can expand on that friends with benefits deal we made.” he wasn’t holding back. he had done for far too long, constantly tiptoeing on the tension that could light up this entire apartment building.

your fingers inched closer to him, both for support in your knees that were about to buckle, but also with the overwhelming desire to make contact. his white tshirt clung perfectly to his torso. one night couldn’t hurt.

“okay,” you agreed. but held your hand up to his face quickly to stop him from leaning in. “but! it’s a one time thing. you said you could teach me things so we’ll treat it as that.” excuse after excuse poured out of you before you could stop it, fear that your feelings would multiply the moment his lips met yours.

his lips quirked slightly as he nodded in agreement. but as soon as he got a taste, it was like something was yelling from within, a burning desire that laid idly for so long threatening to overflow. his fingers grappled at the curve of your jaw to keep him grounded. your own pulled at the hem of his shirt, a silent begging for the moment you had both thought about but never acted upon.

your body flushed against his, he barely let go to pull his shirt over his head with one hand, the other planted in a grip at your waist. your lips parted momentarily only to be chasing after one another the moment the white material met the floor. he guided you blindly, knowing your apartment by the back of his hand, your lips locked in a desperate embrace.

the moment your knees hit the end of the bed, you fell backwards hitting the comforter softly. inyeop stood over you, quietly taking in your appearance below him. his eyebrow quirked with his signature smirk making an appearance.

“you sure you just want this to be a one time thing?” his fingers traced up your thigh in taunt.

you groaned and pulled him down to you, “shut up.”

and the night went on, whispers of affection, lips tracing across the plains of each other's skin as he showed you how the gods lived, and you proved to him your innocence melted away at the flick of his fingers. you decided then that you were wrong. it couldn’t be a one time thing. because the moment his lips reached for your own, any unease washed away as you were met with the melting pools of his eyes. 

this was something only the two of you shared. the subtle touches and flirtation from the previous months finally adding up.

the clock flashed in the darkness, indicating that you were approaching the fourth hour of the day. inyeop’s fingers traced down your sides subconsciously as he pressed delicate kisses into your shoulder. you had laid in silence for what felt like hours, basking in each other’s warmth and sudden bursts of giggles as you reached for each other. you were wrapped up in everything about him - his delicate touch, his intoxicating scent, his plush lips that barely left any part of your body untouched.

it was him that broke the silence, pulling you to turn into his embrace, noses brushing as your heads rested against the same pillow. “that was fun.”

you giggled against his lips, his bluntness causing flowers to bloom in your chest. “it was.”

he exhaled slowly, fingers coming up to push your bangs away from your eyes, fingers grazing over your eyebrows. he realised his fingers moved subconsciously to smooth out the frown lines that were usually there… but were far from it in these early hours of the night.

“what do you think… about all this.” he questioned, hoping you didn’t regret the last few hours.

“it was… interesting.” you giggled as the worry on his face faded at your response. “we could… uh- make it a thing.”

“a thing?” he wiggled his eyebrows for the second time that night, suggestively hinting to you.

“yes, a thing.”

“like.. our thing?” his the pads of his fingers wandered the high points of your cheeks until he met your lips, brushing over them nonchalantly.

“sure. our thing.”

he was mesmerised by how your lips moved under his touch, silently scolding himself for not being this bold sooner. you were merely adding another layer onto your friendship, no strings attached.

but his eyes focused solely on your lips, the way they curved when you smiled, only at him. “how enchanting.” he whispered.

and that was how your arrangement began. best friends outside of these four walls. best friends with a twist the moment you stepped in through the door.

 you often found yourself making excuses to remain in your apartment. simply sitting together and reading was enough for you, subtle touches coming with time as you tried to focus on the page in front of you.

but, trying to get his attention once he was engrossed in a book was difficult. you never expected the so-called bad boy to be a softy for mysterious quests and fending off evil. then again, that was one of the raging stereotypes inyeop constantly diminished. 

maeum rested her head against his shoulder as she laid across the top of the sofa, tiny beige fur tickling his neck as she stretched out but he didn’t mind. maybe if you gave attention to maeum he might get a little jealous?

your intense stare, that was supposed to be for her, was often warped by the way his eyebrow quirked at a funny line, or his jawline sharpening abruptly as he stretched his neck from sitting in the same spot all day. his fingers grazing your ankle didn’t help the situation at all. until he caught you staring.

he lifted his head that was previously buried in Legends of Condor Heroes, his hand falling to his lap as he turned to you. his head hit the back of the sofa when his gaze pooled into your own; they glistened, his eyes, something it took you a long time to notice. he’d tell you it happened the moment you said yes… but you’d argue that it was there all along, the walls he built up disguising it from the world.

“what are you looking at?” he quipped, eyebrow raised as a subtle smirk rested on his lips. the way the corners turned up right at the edges formed a fuzzy feeling right in the pit of your stomach. and that’s why he did it - inyeop lived for the reaction he got from you.

“nothing,” you turned your head back to your own book. legs sliding back to your chest as you wrapped your arms around them; your chin rested against your knees while you tried to focus on the words on the page. you had his attention now – bingo.

a sudden jolt almost knocked you off the plush cushions, inyeop had lifted your feet to drape them back over his lap “where they belonged”. the novel he was so concentrated on before was now placed neatly on the armrest, the dog-ear bookmark on the corner resembling maeum’s. a small smile washed over his features when he realised what you were doing, fingers reaching up to tuck your fallen strands behind your ears. you weren’t expecting it; he barely flinched when he pulled you closer. you could see why everyone at school constantly stared, he wasn’t on the weaker side. it was growing more difficult to fight off the rush of emotion that came over you and swelling in your chest each time his eyes crinkled, intensely gazing into your own; his bad boy persona was diminishing little by little before your very eyes.

this arrangement made subtle touches toward each other a very normal thing. you found it difficult to keep your hands to yourself, especially in public. moments as you were walking down the street, your fingers would gravitate toward his.

“hi.” the crinkles around his eyes becoming deeper as he smiled. “someone wants attention.”

“aren’t you supposed to be going on a date soon?” you quipped, remembering that he wasn’t just yours to share.

he hummed, finger coming to his chin exaggeratedly as he stared off to the side in pretend thought. he did, but he knew where he’d rather be.

in response, your book was flung across the room, but not before he delicately folded at the corner of the page you were on. his fingers gripped onto your waist as he inhaled slowly, eyes wandering over your features like it was the first time he ever saw you. 

“fancy a quick one?” that signature smirk was hard to say no to.

»»——————————-——————————————-««

A/N: part 2? ;)