#in the midst of everybody feeling sorry for bucky

[rcbertleckie]

John and Josephine Egan in 1945

[urimaginespimp]

Epiphany (pt. 4 of This Love)

Bucky x Reader (elemental witch)  

Read the previous chapters here: Prologue, Gorgeous, Tolerate It.

Set in Wakanda during Infinity War.  

Thank you for your support. I couldn’t hold back updating this early. :)

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In your years of living, you’ve only felt grief once. It was when your mother left you with the Norns to face her impending death. But you were a mere child, and memories of her started to fade away as you grew older. You thought was that simple.  

Until Bruce told you Thor might be dead.

“What do you mean he might be dead?!” you were shaking in front of your old friend.  

“Thanos was just too strong, Y/N. He got rid of me like I was a throw pillow. I’m sorry.” he told you quietly.

Your heart never felt this heavy, and you didn’t think breathing was going to be this hard. Bucky picked up that you were most likely going to have a panic attack and immediately went to your side.  

“Doll listen to me; you have to breathe. Listen to my voice.” He started comforting you the way you’d do when he’d have night terrors. But despite his efforts, you couldn't concentrate. Your vision was starting to blur from the tears threatening to fall. The only father you’ve known might be dead somewhere out in space. Would’ve it have been easier to fight Thanos if you were there to help him? You couldn’t avoid blaming yourself.  

“None of this is your fault, Y/N.” Bruce assured you. Digging into his pocket, he took out a small teared cloth out to you. You gently broke from Bucky’s arms to take it. “That’s from the cape he was last wearing. I accidently tore it off before I fell out of the ship.”  

It was such a tiny piece on your shaking palm, yet you could tell the fabric truly belonged to someone as mighty as him. And it was blazing red. Just like what you were starting to see.  

“He wants the mind stone?” you asked Bruce, and the shift in your tone matched with the anger in your eyes made him step back and nod. He’s never seen you angry before.  

“Then he’ll die trying.” you spat venomously before walking off, leaving Bucky and Bruce to look at you with worry.  

--------

You were standing next to Bucky while King T’Challa, Steve, and Nat went over to talk with The Black Order behind the gates. You haven’t uttered a word since your conversation with Bruce, and it everybody was starting to worry. Even Wanda was taken back at how strong your emotions were at the moment.  

“She’s heartbroken. But most of all, she’s vengeful.” She’s told Steve in private. “Don’t let her get carried away. Her mind’s crashing out.” She warned.

As the three were making their way back to you, you could see that a fight was about to ensue.

“You gonna be okay?” you heard Bucky asked you.

“I’m the last one you should be worried about, Buck. I might have lost the man I’ve had the privilege to call my father. But before him, I was born and then raised by different breeds of witches. The creatures with Proxima are outriders. They are mindless but they have brains in those little heads of theirs and have  blood that’s blue. But you know how much I like that color”

“Have the Norns told you we’re going to win?” he asked in curiosity.  

“I haven’t really been in touch with them. But there is something they’ve told me a long time ago that I’ve been trying to burry in the back of my mind all these years.” you smiled to yourself.  

“And that is?” he was almost afraid to ask.  

“The brain and the blood have water.” you answered flatly.  

--------

To say that the black order was terrified of you was an understatement. There was no better place to unleash your powers than Wakanda. And so, you did. You’ve blocked and thrown stones and soil, drowned some with water, caused fire left and right, played with the wind, and was starting to get the hang of controlling blood and whatever fluids were in their pathetic bodies.  

The leaders were doing their best to send their army your way to avoid personally facing your wrath. And as much as you didn’t like to admit it, it was starting to tire you out. Manipulating creatures was draining you.

Everybody else was also getting too preoccupied, that even Wanda had to go down and help. Hearing a familiar groan a few feet away from you, your attention snapped to its direction and saw the Bucky was thrown off by one of the Outriders. One in particular was trying to bite his head off so you took it in your hands to snap the creature’s neck the other way, without having to touch it. 

“Just a flesh wound.” He assured your worried figure with a small smile. “I still have my rifle.”  

You had a momentary distraction after that, when Proxima lunged your way, trying to hit you with her spear. The two of you were starting to combat each other, and she knew you were getting tired. With an unexpected attack from behind by one of the outriders, you were down to your knees Infront of her and you knew you wouldn’t be fast enough to block the spear coming straight down to you when she was suddenly thrown away with a force.  

Gaining your composure from missing death by mere inches, you looked around and saw that everybody else was suddenly freed from the overwhelming attacks of the outriders. Suddenly a blinding blue light appeared, and a man with his back on you stood in place. An armed racoon? jumped off his shoulder, and there was a tree? on his other side.  

If it were a different setting you would’ve laughed. But you were too frozen in place when you saw that bolts of lightning were coursing through him. You had a glimpse of relief but you couldn’t will yourself to assume it’s him. But the second he started charging and his voice demanded Thanos, it was all you needed make some sense of what you've seen. Your father’s alive.  

--------

“How are you, kid?” He asked you in between killing off outriders.  

“I was on my third stage of grieving. Thanks for interrupting that by the way.” you chuckled, also hitting most of the creatures with large sharpened rocks.  

“Oh, by the way, these are my friends, rabbit and tree.” he introduced you to his companions.

“So, I have a snake, a racoon, and a tree as uncles now.” you shook your head at how ridiculous it sounded.  

“Loki would’ve loved you, kid.” the tone in his voice made you know something bad happened to his brother.  

--------

When Thanos arrived, you refrained from using all the energy you have left into playing with his own blood. Your father insisted to leave the finishing to them and you respected that. You were still fighting his army who at this point, seemed to be endless in numbers, but you were holding your own well enough.  

In the midst of fighting, a sudden realization that you haven’t seen Bucky in a while dawned on you, and you found yourself running looking for him, destroying everything on your way. You needed to know he was okay. Call it a sixth sense, but something didn’t feel right.  

And then you saw it. Thor was standing alone, Stormbreaker on the ground in front of him. The air around you suddenly felt eerie, and you paused on your tracks. No.  

“Steve?” you heard his voice first. You turned to where he was and saw that he was turning into dust.  

“Buck?” you called out to him, but as soon as your eyes met, he was gone.

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@eternalharry  @iheartsebandchris  @lizzarooni​  @the-ayo-lit 

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Have a  great day!

[champagne-bucky]

Stronger

Summary: Life as the newest Avenger is tough, but a new friend is willing to help you through it

Warnings: bullied!Reader x Bucky

Notes: This is a requested one shot by @i-ve-become-fictional ! Hope you enjoy this! Like, repost, comment, and follow for more! :) 

Avenger Wrecks Billion Corporation Building.  

Newest Addition to the Avengers is Well Below Qualification Ranks. 

Are the Avengers Becoming a Joke?

President Issues a Statement Regarding New Avenger: “Y/N Y/L/N is a Hazard to Our Country!” 

The headlines wouldn’t stop, they were getting so repetitive. You get it, you suck, as an Avenger and as a person in general. Why do they all hate you so much? You’ll never understand why. It all started when James Rhodes hired you on as an Avenger. With Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark’s passing and the retirement of Steve Rogers, S.H.I.E.L.D was looking to recruit a new member for the Avengers. You weren’t exactly top of your class strength wise, your skills excelled with computers and different types of technology. Needless to say, you had no real place on the team, unless they thought you were a gamma infected being that was holding out on everybody, you rendered useless. 

Why do you put yourself down like this? Well, the other recruits were telling you the same thing, to your face and behind your back, when Fury considered you to be in the running for the Avengers. You were just as surprised as everyone else had been when you got a final nomination to join. It was between you and a highly respected and highly decorated S.H.I.E.L.D agent. You don’t know how you managed to get that far, but considering you blew everyone else out of the water when it came to cooking up concoctions in the scientific portion of the tests and memorizing how Tony Stark built numerous Iron Man suits, from a heap of scrap metal to glorious nanotechnology, the other recruits never stood a chance. 

The team of remaining Avengers were shocked and impressed that you managed to make it as far as you did, truth be told you were too. When it came down to you and the other agent, Fury urged the team to really think about who they wanted. The votes were tied, but some poor soul thought you had potential to be an actual Avenger. What that same soul didn’t realize was with an uncoordinated member came dozens of heavily opinionated jerks from every walk of life criticizing your every move. 

There was a small group of people that supported you. They tried their best to defend you, but that small group was always taken over by the tsunami that was late night television commentators and early morning local news reporters. It was safe to say, the majority didn’t like you. 

Day after day you would train your ass off trying to get stronger. You were getting better, but you weren’t the best. You wish you could quit, but you were already in too deep. 

The building was an accident. You didn’t mean to destroy it, however it was a building that was on the midst of foreclosure, which meant no casualties were harmed because no one was inside. Despite this important fact, the media ran with it and was quick to try and call you a cold blooded killer. Not true, not even a little bit, that at least was James Rhodes would tell you. 

The others liked you. Sure, those who weren’t too keen on you took a while to warm up, but they all adjusted to your presence quickly. It seemed as though somedays they really did appreciate you. You could tell some were frustrated by you though. For instance, you had overheard a conversation from Clint and Sam voicing rather loudly how they thought you would get yourself killed because of you “careless” fighting style. 

Most days you didn’t want to leave your room. You didn’t need to affiliate yourself with the new wave of hate and toxicity the internet and it’s trolls would bring you. You wanted to disassociate yourself from the world, and yourself, for one goddamn day. However, Colonel James Rhodes would not have any of that today. 

“Due to light of the recent events from last mission, the Senate is ordering us to hold a press conference.” Rhodey announces which caused collective groans from the group. 

“Do we all have to be present?” Clint asked slouching in his chair. He really didn’t feel like facing the ravenous press today. 

“Well, actually, only myself, Bucky, Sam, and Y/N will be attending the press conference today.” You froze in your seat. A panic attack threatening to rise within you. The feeling of the teams eyes all landing on you. You’ve never had to be at the press conferences before. Usually it was only Sam and Rhodey taking the lead. 

“Kid, you’ll do fine. Just give simple and minimal answers to the press. Don’t answer any questions you don’t want to. If anything, we’ll answer them for you.” Rhodey put his hand on your back before walking away to get ready. 

—

You always had stage fright. Ever since 5th grade when you misspelled that one really long and complicated word. Everyone in the crowd was laughing at you, at least to your imagination. You remember specifically Marcy Hunter making fun of you and taunting you for weeks. Calling you stupid, getting the whole grade to think you were stupid, saying you were one of the biggest losers on planet ea-

“Hey, you ready?” Sam looked at you with concern. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just get this over with.” You muttered nervously. 

—

The millions of flashing cameras and yelling journalists did nothing to ease your confidence. Every single one of them were up in arms about what had happened. No one was hurt, so why were they all acting as if a mass murder took place. 

“Colonel Rhodes, are there any updates regarding a body count from the premises of the building.” Someone shouted 

“For the last and final time, no one was in that building. It was already cleared for months before we got to it.” Rhodey looked annoyed as ever. Same questions same answers. They were just looking for an opportunity to rip on you. 

One woman eyed you up and down with her evil eyes. She was waiting patiently to get the mic and rip you limb from limb. She finally got it after about an hour into the conference. 

“Ms. L/N, how do you think this mishap will affect on the citizens of New York?” She was going somewhere with this wasn’t she?

“Well,” you cleared your throat, “as Colonel Rhodes has mentioned, the building was cleared and the citizens surrounding the area were promptly evacuated.” Sam nodded his head in approval. 

“So does this mean there has been no discussion of your removal from the team?” What?

“I’m sorry?” You questioned. 

“Well, it just seems destruction follows you wherever you go. I mean for Christ sake a billion dollar building collapses and you aren’t even the slightest bit worried that you dm could’ve killed people.” She was evil. The way her lips curled into a devilish smirk. 

“Like I’ve told the other reporters, building was empty and no civilians were near the scene.” Rhodey was getting annoyed now. 

“What I’m trying to say is, did you all really think it was a good idea to have someone with so little experience play with the big boys. It seems as though she doesn’t even know what she’s doin-“ The bitch was immediately cut off by Bucky. 

“Okay, that’s enough out of you, out of all of you. Y/N is an Avenger whether you like her or not. We voted to have her on the team, not you or you or any of you for that matter. I’m so sick and tired of seeing headline after goddamn headline about how “incapable” she is. Can’t you people focus your attention on, I don’t know, literally anything else in this goddamn world besides her. She’s made some mistake, we all have, just because she’s an Avenger doesn’t mean she’s not human like the rest of us. I swear to God I will personally rip to shreds everyone single news article that runs one more negative thing about her. So if you all can understand where I’m coming from, shut the fuck up about her and write something else. We are done here.” Bucky looks out fo the crowd angrily. The rooms falls silent after you all get up and exit. 

—

It was late in the night and you were pounding it away at the gym. Trying to forget what had transpired at the press conference. You were working up a sweat trying to rid the voices in your head. 

You’ll never be good enough. 

You’re pathetic. 

Failure.

You suck.

Failure.

Sorry excuse for an Avenger.

Failure.

Failure 

Fail-

“I thought I was usually the only one up this late.” Your thoughts stopped as Bucky’s voiced echoed from behind you.

“Never thought anyone else came down here this late.” You responded, eyes still focused on the punching bag in front of you. 

“Can’t sleep?”

“Never could.” You responded still hitting the punching bag. 

Bucky ponders for a moment looking at your sweaty form. You always looked defeated, so helpless, you always thought you were useless. He never thought that though. Bucky always saw something in you, he never saw you like the monsters in the press did. 

“Are you okay?” You sensed the concern and sincerity in Bucky’s voice.

“What do you mean?” You tried to act dumb. 

“Don’t play coy, Y/N. I know how you feel.”

“How could you possibly know how I feel?”

“Because you’re not the only one who was the media’s favorite chew toy.” You stopped punching the bag as Bucky walks over to you and leads you to the bench.

“I know how it feels, to be an outcast, to be hated by everyone. How do you think the media reacted when the dreaded Winter Soldier was joining the Avengers. Dear God, I had to stay off the internet for weeks, couldn’t even walk down the street without some asshat yelling names at me, calling me a monster.” 

You remember the public outcry that rang throughout the world when it was announced that Bucky Barnes, former HYDRA assassin, was joining the Avengers. The media had a field day with him, some even went as far as protesting the front gates of the compound demanding that this evil man be exiled for the crimes he had committed. 

“Nobody liked me, and those that did couldn’t even get their message across to the world as to why I was a good guy. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m not evil by any means. It’s taken a while, but I know it wasn’t James Barnes who did those things to those innocent people, it was HYDRA and the Winter Soldier programming.” Bucky had been going through lots of therapy since he was brought back. Steve had insisted that Bucky go to every last therapy session even if it meant he would break out of the retirement home and drag him there himself.

“I was the deciding vote, ya know. When no one else thought you could do it I was the only one who spoke up in your defense.”

“What so the heat could be taken off of you?” You shot back, the little rage bubble in your heart expanding. 

“No, stop thinking like that. I know what you may think, that everyone here doesn’t like you, but that’s far from the truth. Everyone here, they warmed up to you, they really do enjoy having you on the team, honest to God. They have their concerns thought.” Oh boy here we go.

“I agree with them on the fighting thing, you were a little choppy at first, but hey, no one is perfect. In fact, I remember one time where Sam crashed his new set of wings into the lake when the new compound was built.” You stifled a laugh.

“Hey, there’s that pretty smile.” Bucky smiled back as you fought a blush. 

“You really don’t think I’m useless?”

“Far from it, doll.” 

“Then teach me.” You finally looked at Bucky.

“What?”

“Teach me how to fight, how to be like you.” You looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Doll, no one can be like me, you gotta be your own you.” You sighed.

“But that doesn’t mean I still can’t teach you a few tricks.” You had a wide smile plastered on your face as you hugged Bucky tightly. The first person to show you true compassion since you got here. 

“Thank you Buck, thank you.”

“Anytime doll, anytime.”

—

Two months later…

“C’mon Y/N, let’s move it, just like we practiced.” Bucky yelled at you as you did the kick punch combo again. 

It’s been a long two months, but goddamn was it worth it. Slowly, the headlines about you stopped and the people moved on to a new problem. It felt good to not be the center of attention anymore. 

Bucky recommended you to a great therapist. Together you and Dr. Han worked through your insecurities and difficulties. Everyday you were getting stronger physically and mentally. Bucky on the other hand enjoyed spending his time with you. Soon enough you became more than just training buddies, you became best friends. 

He liked getting to take care of you, helping you defend yourself. Sam always joked that the two of you were doing something more than just training, but there really wasn’t more to it. Bucky saw something more in you, he saw that scrawny little boy from Brooklyn, weak, but had the drive and passion of a soldier. Bucky looked after you as if you were young Steve Rogers, and he’ll be damned if he lets anything happen to you. 

[twordytings]

Christmas Chronicles

Word Count: 2,148

Ah... Christmas Eve... the day before Christmas but also the most tempting day to peek at presents. Well, maybe just for you.

AN~ MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I don’t even celebrate but I just wanted to give a lil gift for everyone who’s taken the time to follow me, like any of my posts, or just shown any kind of support towards me or my blog. I came into this not expecting even half of the love that I’ve gotten, and I just wanted to say thank you so much. Hope you enjoy the fic:))

It was the morning of Christmas Eve, and all of the Avengers were gathered at the compound to finally take a bit of a break. None of them were planning on celebrating the holidays; it was something they didn’t think was important, not to mention there was never any motivation to celebrate. But being Peter’s best friend and all, you were practically family to all of them, and you were gonna make sure they celebrated Christmas if it was the last thing you did. So, as you sat on the living room couch, snuggled up with a blanket, you had a tender feeling inside of you knowing that all these Christmas decorations and the giant Christmas tree (not to mention the plethora of presents underneath) in the corner of the room were up because of you. Light shining ever so bright into the room making it feel so cozy, even though it was bitterly cold outside.

Natasha came into the room looking confused as ever, “Y/n, have you seen the wrapping paper with all those kittens on it? I’ve been looking everywhere but I can’t find it.” You were so surprised that Natasha, of everybody would be celebrating the holidays, but you weren’t complaining.

“Umm it’s probably in the storage room next to the elevator.”

“Ok thanks!” and she was off.

Just then Steve barged in. “Y/n. Where. Are. The bows. You know, the sticky ones that you can just slap on and call it a day?”

“They’re definitely in the attic.” It was Steve, so of course you had to mess with him a bit.

“Cool. Thanks.” Right about when Steve left, Tony came in. (With his Santa onesie on, of course)

“Let me guess, you either need wrapping paper, bows, or ribbon.”

“Nope. Just a cup of coffee.”

“Thank go-“ just then there was a loud crash.

“WHAT WAS THAT!?”

“Just Steve.” you said with a chuckle.

“Oh ok. For a second there I thought it was someone important.”

You were both laughing your heads off as Steve came in walking heavy like a giant, covered head to toe in dust and debris.

“They weren’t... in... the attic” Steve said with a furious look on his face.

You threw a pillow at him as a form of defense, but obviously he didn’t find it funny since all he did was catch it and throw it beside him. You got another one ready to throw at him but before you could he said, “Throw a pillow at me again and see what happens.” You immediately put your hands up in surrender since you didn’t feel like being attacked at that very moment.

***

It was about eleven o’clock now and you were snuggled up in your sleeping bag but you weren’t going to sleep just yet. You were staying over at the compound for Christmas this year since your parents were out of town and wouldn’t make it back for Christmas. You were really upset at first but you were happy that you practically had two families: your real parents and the Avengers. You wondered what everyone got you. Could it be a new fluffy blanket? Slippers? A phone? Thinking about about all the possibilities made you extremely impatient, so you thought up a plan. While everyone was sleeping, you’d quietly tiptoe downstairs and give a little peek at what everyone got you. Then, you would go back upstairs as if you’d been sleeping the entire time. Perfect idea, right? Wrong But if you were gonna do it, you didn’t want to do it alone. So of course, being your best friend, you asked Peter to come along for the adventure. “Hey Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve articulated a master plan to do something extremely awesome! Are you in?”

“Your gonna look at what everyone got you when they all fall asleep, aren’t you?” You were in awe. How’d he know?

“How’d you know?!”

“You’re kinda my best friend y/n. Sometimes I think I know you too well.”

“Alright well are you in?”

“Nope. You’re gonna have to do your dirty deed without me this time. If anyone finds out we’ll be done for.”

“Awww c’mon. No one’s gonna find out. Please?”

“Goodnight y/n.” Peter said as he ignored your pleas. You’d guessed you had to do it alone this time.

***

It had been a good hour until you were sure everyone was sleeping. Waiting for the entire compound to be quiet was agonizing, and you obviously weren’t a very patient person considering the fact that you thought up an entire plan to sneak a peek at your Christmas presents. You made sure to bring your phone for its flashlight so that you wouldn’t bump into anything, and so the plan began.

You first very carefully pulled off your sleeping bag to leave Peter’s room and made your way downstairs. As you left his room, you saw that everyone’s doors were closed except for Tony’s, but you weren’t worried since Tony was a pretty heavy sleeper. Little did you know that Tony checks the security cameras every morning, so even if no one saw you now, Tony would find everything out as soon as he woke up.

You made it all the way downstairs to the beautifully lit up tree, and took a look at all of your presents. You were so happy! You’d gotten the best presents including that fluffy blanket and pair of slippers you pondered about receiving. You were satisfied with what you saw so you made your way back upstairs and went straight to sleep, as if nothing had happened.

***

Christmas morning came and you immediately got up and shook Peter awake. “PETER PETER GET UP! IT’S CHRISTMAS!”

“Ugh just five more minutes!” he said groggily and went back to sleep. Drastic times called for drastic measures so you stood up on his bed and began to jump up and down as crazily as you could so that he would get up.

“PETER! GET! UP!”

“OK OK IM UP.”

“Good.” You made your way to Steve’s room and instead of jumping on his bed, you screamed in his ear, which probably wasn’t the best idea. “STEEEEEVE IT’S CHRISTMAAAAAS!”

“AAAAAH- oof.” He had fallen of his bed during your effort to wake him. But he was awake so you put your hands on your hips in satisfaction. You then eventually woke everybody else up including Natasha, Bucky, Clint, Sam, and Bruce and as of now were all brushing their teeth and getting ready for present opening. You were already ready so you hopped downstairs with the biggest grin on your face, knowing that today would be a great day.

You got to the last few steps and saw Tony at the bottom. “Good morning Tony!” you said as you gave him a big hug. Again, he saw what you did last night, and he had most definitely not forgotten.

“Good morning!” he hugged you back. “Did you wanna tell me anything?”

“Uhhh no? What do you mean?” There was no way he could’ve known, or could he have?

“I mean did you wanna talk about how you snuck out of your room in the middle of the night to look at all your presents?” Busted.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” you said innocently as you could with your crossed your arms over your chest.

“Oho really?”

“Hey y/n! Hey Tony! Merry Christmas!” Peter came down to greet you both.

“Merry Christmas Peter! You wouldn’t happen to know about y/n’s little doing last night, would you?” Peter looked at you in total surprise. He was terrible at keeping secrets, and if this one slipped, you didn’t even want to think about what would happen.

“Uhm...” you gave him a serious look. “of course not! I... uh... was... sleeping! Yeah I was really tired and... sleeping.”

“Sorry kid but you’re a terrible liar. And I didn’t even need you to tell me. I looked at the security cameras from last night and they showed me everything.” He had the most evil smile on his face. You silently cursed yourself since you should’ve known he checks the cameras.

“Y/n. You should run.” Peter said seriously. You would thank him for that later since you were in the midst of escaping for your life.

“Get back here!”

“No way! You’re gonna kill me!” you said while running. Tony could’ve easily caught you by now, but he wanted to let you enjoy the upper hand for a little while.

You had now ran around the stair case about five times, through the kitchen once, and almost ran straight into the fireplace at one point. But you knew that Tony catching you was inevitable. You thought running into one of the rooms was the best idea. Maybe you could lock yourself in there and Tony would forget about everything. But just as you thought you were about to get away you ran straight into Steve. “Steve! Help! Tony’s gonna kill me!”

“Well Merry Christmas to you too y/n. What’d you do this time?” Before you could say a word Tony grabbed from behind and threw you over his shoulder.

“Gotcha.”

“Would someone like to explain to me what happened?” Steve said.

“Well, someone...” Tony said as he poked your stomach. “decided to sneak downstairs and peek at her presents last night.”

“Y/N!” Steve gasped dramatically, “How could you!?”

“Steve, I believe we should handle this in a civilized manner, don’t you?” Tony gave Steve a knowing look.

“But of course. I’ll help!” Tony brought you over to the couch and straddled your waist. Steve took the pleasure of holding your arms. So frankly, you were screwed.

“Ihihim sohohorry!”

“You don’t think you’ll get away with it that easy, do you?” Tony said.

“Steeheheeve pleehease!”

“No can do y/n. If anything, you deserve this.”

“What?! How? All I di- AHHAHAHAHAHHA TOHOHONY STAHAAP!” Tony wasted no time in tickling you to pieces. It felt like a billion ravenous spiders were crawling all over you. Not to mention Steve was also tickling your underarms, and there was no way of escaping. All you could do was stay along for the ride.

“You should’ve thought about this before sneaking around y/n.” You couldn’t even hear what Tony was saying over your own laughs. Just then, Bucky came into the room.

“Hey what’s going on here?”

“Oh hey Bucky!” Steve said. “We were just tickling the crap out of y/n! Wanna help?”

“Uh, yea!”

“NONONONONONOOOO!”

“Aw what’s wrong y/n? Afraid of a little tickling?” Bucky said as he switched places with Tony.

“I’m gonna go make a cup of coffee, anybody want one?” Both Steve and Bucky exclaimed a, “Me!” and continued with their attack.

“Now, where should I start?”

“NOWHERE!” you screamed.

“Y/n, that’s not very nice. We’re only trying to show you that what you did was wrong.” Steve said.

“By tickling me?!”

“Exactly! Now you’re catching on.” You were so furious so you stuck your tongue out at him. He obviously didn’t like that.

“Bucky. Go for her sides. She hates it.” Steve said as he grinned mischievously at you.

“Aye aye, captain!” Bucky’s fingertips instantly made contact with your sides and you couldn’t contain yourself. You were shaking your head, thrashing you legs every which way just in case there was a chance to get out of your predicament. Unfortunately, there wasn’t.

“BUHUHUCKY DOHOHONT!”

“Don’t what?”

“TIHIHICKLE MEEEHEHEHE!”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Bucky said in excitement.

“NOHOHOOOHO THAHATS NOOHOT WHAT IHIHI- AHAHAHAHA!”

“That’s not what you... what? Sorry I couldn’t hear you. Can you speak up a bit?” Bucky said as he paused his attack. Steve on the other hand was still tickling your underarms.

“Ihihi sahaid thahats noohot whahahat I meheheant.” Steve finally paused his fingers.

Steve wasn’t tickling you anymore but he was still holding your arms just in case you tried to get away. “Are you sorry about what you did?” He said as his face was no more than an inch away from yours.

“YEHES!” you said as residual giggles poured out of you.

“And are you going to do something sneaky like that again?”

“NO! Now can you let me go?!”

“What’s the magic word?”

“PLEASE!”

“Ok. Bucky. Release.” Bucky hesitated to get off but he did eventually and offered you a hug but you denied.

“Meany.” Bucky said with a frown as he walked away. Tony then came over and handed you a cup of hot chocolate as everyone else came downstairs.

“Merry Christmas Munchkin.” He said as he sat down and put an arm around you.

“Merry Christmas Tony.” you said with a huge smile on your face.

You’d realized that day that it was never about the presents on Christmas. It was about who you spent it with, and you didn’t want to be spending it with anyone else.

[stephn-prkr]

Last Warning

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, little bit of Bucky x Reader

Warnings: implied smut, swearing, violence, angst

Words: 2,168

A/N: This is my first ff in a long while. This is in no way showing hate towards the characters mentioned. :)

It's not a shocking scenario where Steve would be attached to Sharon the first time they've meet. Sharon's linked to Peggy, Steve's first love. You understood how Steve must've felt all those years stuck in ice, then waking up 70 years later, all your loved ones, gone. Deep down, you know that he hasn't moved on. That there's still a piece of his heart missing. He hasn't given up. He knows that sometime, someway, there's a possibility where he'd come back and continue his life in his 40s, with Peggy. Time travelling, diving into the Quantum Realm, he knows there's still a way.

You thought of yourself as a distraction. Steve's way of distracting himself of his thoughts - his Mind Palace, as Sherlock would say. Distraction from thinking about Peggy, distracting of how he still wants to be with Peggy. I mean, heck, he'd always talk about her when you two weren't dating yet. That was all in his mind. And you understood that.

But you couldn't help but feel the jealousy and loneliness lingering the moment Sharon stepped in the compound. You and Steve were barely even talking anymore, you sometimes wonder if he still remembers that you exist, his girlfriend. You'd walk in on Steve laughing at what Sharon said, waking up alone and cold and entering the common room, seeing Steve brew a coffee for Sharon in the early morning. You sigh, just the thought of it made you want to sit in a corner and cry for days.

You weren't an idiot. You knew Steve fell head over heels for Sharon. And even thought it hurt seeing them together, you didn't want to hurt Steve by threatening him to stay away from her because he's slowly drifting away from you. You kept ignoring that possibility.

"Y/N." Tony breaks the silence from you two. Both of you were in the basement, helping Tony fix his Iron Man suit as it seems to be malfunctioning. You looked up to meet his eyes, hinting that you were listening. "You and Steve...okay?" He asks. Seeming to have noticed the slight, uncomfortable breeze whenever you attempt to talk to Steve normally again. "What do you mean?" You raised your eyebrows, pretending to be unaware of the situation. "It seems like uh, Steve and Sharon are getting along just fine."

"I know." You sigh. "If he's happy, then I am too." You lied. And Tony knew damn well you're lying. He's like a father figure to you. You'd tell him your secrets, including your undying love for Steve. Tony pursed his lips, not wanting to continue the conversation, aware that deep inside, you're hurt.

It was one in the morning, You felt cold that Steve wasn't there to hold you, to wrap his arms around you as if he'd never wanted to let go. You sighed rolled over the bed to search for Steve. You'd gone to the HQ, common room, kitchen, empty. Gym was the last place you have to look.

As you were approaching the gym, it was quiet, however, you saw something shifting at the corner of the room, the sounds of heavy breathing and something wet. You flicked the lights on, only to see Steve on top of Sharon, in the midst of taking his shirt off until both turned their heads to the door.

You gasped. Tears threatening to leave your eyes. You're eyes were glowing red, rage activating your mutant powers. "I fucking knew it!" You shouted, loud enough to wake the other avengers. You stormed out of the room, Steve following suite, "I-it's not what it looks like." He stutters, putting his shirt back on. "Oh, yeah. My own boyfriend on top of a fucking bitch who needed to be reminded that he's taken. Should I point the fact that your fucking boner is showing underneath your sweatpants, not to mention I caught you two eating each others faces! What does it look like, Steve Rogers?" You screamed. Tears rapidly running down your cheeks, slowly, the rest of the now awake members were shocked, you were never the type to get mad. But it didn't matter the fact that what they were seeing is Steve humiliated and sweating, followed by a half-naked Sharon, and a very mad and glowing Y/N.

Steve had no other words left to say, neither did Sharon. "Do you have something to say, you stupid bit-" You violently threw Sharon across the hallway, rage slowly poisoning you. "Y/N!" Steve yelled. Finding his way over to Sharon, checking if she was still conscious. You didn't care that you hurt her, Steve, or every member of the avengers watching everything happen. You storm inside your room, aggressively throwing your bag on top of your bed and stuffing your clothes in. "Y/N, please," Steve entered, grasping your wrist, you slapped his arm, "Please what? Please what, Steve?" You yell at his face. "Don't make stupid excuses, I am not a blithering idiot," You stared into his eyes, those fucking puppy eyes, thinking he could do anything for you to forgive him. You laughed, "to think that this is by far our longest conversation we had ever since she stepped inside this compound, you forgot about my existence!" You sobbed. You punched his chest, over and over again. "To think you ever loved me!" "I am in love with you! I will always love you!" He shouted back. You grabbed your bag and placed it over your shoulder, "That's not what I saw back in the gym."

You stormed out of the room, staring at the rest of the members' eyes, "Why don't all of you report to Nick Fury what happened? I'm sure he'll find it understanding as to why I am leaving the avengers." You sobbed, running your way to the exit. Leaving Steve, and the rest broken.

Nearly ten months later, you found yourself working as a Teacher in an elementary school. It was the children's last day before they have their short holiday. It was your lunch break, however you fancied taking care of the children playing on the playground rather than eating, you barely ate, losing appetite every time that scene at the avengers gym replayed in your head. You looked at the children, smiling, giggling, running around, full of joy. You thought of that day you and Steve promised to one day, get married and have kids. The thought of having kids with the person  you love and knew you'd forever be by their side was breathtaking. All was thrown out the window. Ever since then, you were afraid to love again.

"Teacher Y/N! Teacher Y/N!" A young girl came running up to you. "What is it, honey?" You asked, face full of concern. "The avengers are outside of the school!" She said, tone full of enthusiasm and excitement. You choked on your own breath. What the fuck? 

You ran to the gates, it was true, You saw Tony, Clint, Natasha, Bucky, Wanda, Thor, Bruce, and Steve. That one person you never wanted to see, ever again. You activated your powers, hands glowing red, about to initiate an attack. Eyes full of rage again. "How in the hell did you find me?" You growled at Tony. "Planted a tracking device inside your bag before you left." He playfully smirked. You missed this. You missed your father figure, your best friends Natasha and Wanda, everyone. You couldn't help but hug Tony tightly, "'ve missed you so much." You whispered behind Tony's ear, fighting back the tears.

You've welcomed everyone, until your eyes reached to Steve, his eyes, indicating that he was still sorry about what happened, you could give less of a damn.

"You have to come with us," Tony insisted. "We'll talk about it at the compound." You agreed. You reported to the school's office that there was an emergency, grabbed your stuff, and headed towards the Quinjet.

It took all of your strength not to punch Steve in the face. You did miss the times where you and Steve would just lay in bed all day and just cuddle, missing the feeling your lips touched his -- but all of them gradually changed from love to anger. You were resisting the urge to cry, all the memories flashing back inside your head, like you were somehow cursed to only remember the hell you've been through.

You've only agreed to come with them because you seemed that it was urgent. Knowing that Tony planted a tracking device on you, you were curious as to why Tony only appeared now.

"Everybody, in the conference room, now." Tony ordered, you followed suite. Anxiety creeping up. Unaware of what's happening.

On the way there, you've managed to pass by Sharon, rage creeping up inside your veins again." You've met eyes with Sharon, glaring. She stopped in her tracks, "Y/N, I--I'm truly sor-"

"Save it. " You snapped.

With a sigh, Tony starts the meeting. "So, everyone's aware why they're here," He begins, and glancing at you, "Except for you." He completed his sentence. "Y/N, Please come back? We need you more than you'd ever expect," Tony practically begs, "Nick, Nick is still mad that you left, ofcourse that's not yours to blame..." Natasha added before stealing a short glance at Steve, awkward silence filling the room. "Please, Y/N. You are one of our strongest, and smartest avengers we have, and the most cheerful one, Thor wanted you! For once, it wasn't about wanting a puppy! " Natasha begs as she held my hand. You smiled, "Fine, but only if you'd finally let Thor have a puppy here." You say, "Yes! You heard her!" Thor exclaimed as he excitedly wielded his hammer. While the rest were cheering, glad that you've returned, Steve was still glued to his seat, smiling.

After Clint and Thor gladly volunteered to bring all your stuff to your new room, they left and you were left alone in your thoughts.

"Hey."

You winced. That voice. 

You carried on and begin to arrange your stuff. "You need help? I'll-" "I don't need any kind of help, especially from you." You snapped. Muscles tense as he steps forward. "Please, let's talk." Steve begged, your eyes rolling, "What's there to talk about? I am done, Steve, I'm only here to help the team." You groaned, tired from all the bullshit Steve has been pulling so far. "I still love you." He admitted. You chuckled, "And I don't give a damn, tell that to your girlfriend, that you're still a cheating bastard."

Suddenly, he aggressively grabbed your wrist, "Can't you just please accept my apology already? I'm on edge, cut a guy some slack, do you know how hard it was for me the last few months?" He yelled. That's it, that was the last straw, your whole body started glowing and with full force, you threw him all the way to the common room, where everyone still was, all eyes widening, dropping what they were doing. "You selfish prick! You're one to talk after I caught you and Barbie fucking at the gym, While we were dating, Steve! Dating!" You screamed at the top of your lungs. "And you come to me to make me understand the 'shit' you've been through? Is it my fault you chose to fucking lie and betray? You're just a cheating asswipe!" You say as you grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the wall again, leaving Steve no time to take a breather, he groaned. "No! You don't understand what pain I've been through! Seeing the person I loved with all my heart love someone else. Guess what? You're still with her!" You screamed, a sob escaping your lips. "I can't believe that you're still looking for forgiveness! Spoiler alert, you'll never get one." You spat.

"This is your last warning, if you ever lay a finger on me, or even try to 'have a talk' again, I'll shove that finger up your ass where the sun don't shine." You threatened him, and stormed out of the room.

You angrily shut the door behind you and collapsed on the bed. Hard and angry sob escaping your lips. "Fucking Fuck, fuck you Steve Rogers." You mumbled, hands resting on your head, biting your lips to stop you from crying. When you heard a soft knock on the door, "c-come in." You softly said, confident that that wasn't Steve since you knocked him out. The door opens, revealing a concerned Bucky.

You sat up from your bed, allowing him to sit next to you, he held your hand, not saying anything. Would anyone be fine, after what just happened? A soft sob escaped from your lips once again, "Shh, it's gonna be fine, okay? Just listen to my voice, it's gonna be okay." Bucky whispered, wrapping his arms around you while his metal hand was softly playing with your hair.

For once, in a long while, it felt like home.

[dlwritings]

Sunshine | Bucky Barnes

masterlist found here

pairing - Bucky x Avenger!reader word count - 2,972 warnings - getting shot I guess ??? A/N - this is for @sherrybaby14‘s 6K Writing Challenge | prompt 17 - “I wish I knew how to leave you”

summary - You and Bucky had an interesting relationship, but you craved more. It takes a drastic event for Bucky to reevaluate everything and think about how he feels, too.

The Avengers compound was quiet. It was late at night but you were still awake. You liked to stay up late, as it was the only time the facility was nearly silent. Everyone else was asleep, worn out from a day of missions or random activities. You had always been a night owl, but becoming an Avenger just increased that. You may’ve been tired all the time, but sleeping was hard. You didn’t have the easiest or most pleasant past, so nightmares often kept you awake.

You weren’t the only one.

Bucky’s scream of agony made you sigh and kick your blankets off your body. You paused the latest episode of Saturday Night Live that was streaming on your laptop and walked over to your closet to pull a sweatshirt over your head. This was a usual routine for you.

The first night you reacted instinctively. You were new to the team and, when you heard Bucky scream, you went to go help him. You found him thrashing around on his bed, clearly having a nightmare. Naturally, you went to wake him up. He reacted quickly, sitting up and trying to catch his breath. He looked like he had been running a marathon: heavy breathing, sweaty all over, and shaking like crazy. “Hey, hey, you’re okay,” you said quickly, immediately holding his face in your hands. “You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re okay.” Bucky suddenly wrapped his arms around you, collapsing against your body. You were caught off guard at first but soon put your arms around him as well. You stroked your fingers through his hair and down his spine. You didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes until you felt some dampness on your neck.

“Fuck,” you heard him mumble as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you tighter and pulled you on to his lap. You were shocked, needless to say. You and Bucky weren’t even close to friends. You had only met him a few days ago on a mission. You had no idea what about you made him comfortable holding you. You knew from Steve that he was closed off to almost everybody. What made you any different? You felt Bucky’s lips press against your neck and you shivered.

“B-Bucky,” you stuttered.

“M’ sorry,” he mumbled, ghosting his lips over your skin and letting out a sigh.

“Are you okay?” you whispered, letting your fingers run through his hair cautiously again.

“Something about you,” he whispered, “it’s been helpin’ me. Ever since you came here, joined the team. Whenever I look at you, it’s like peace is coursin’ through my veins. M’ sorry. I can’t explain it better than that. I’m, I-”

“It’s okay, Bucky,” you said softly. “It’s okay.”

“Can-” He started, stopped, cleared his throat, and started again. “Can you stay with me?”

And so you did.

Now, whenever Bucky had a dream, you were out of bed and in his arms in seconds. However, simply cuddling with him wasn’t all that happened anymore. Cuddling turned to kissing which turned to… an interesting way of calming him down from his most extreme nightmares.

“Buck,” you whispered, approaching his bedside. He was thrashing violently, his breathing rapid. “Bucky. Bucky, hon, wake up.” Bucky woke up quickly, feeling like his world was spinning. When he saw you, everything settled. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on his lap. You tangled your fingers in his hair and pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re okay,” you told him softly. “Sh, sh, you’re okay.” You captured Bucky’s lips in a soft and gentle kiss. He kissed you back, his hands resting gently on your waist. It didn’t take long for him to lift your sweatshirt over your head, leaving you in just a pair of underwear and a sports bra. “You’re okay,” you whispered again. You could read Bucky’s moods fairly easily. Tonight wasn’t for sex. Tonight he wanted simple skin-to-skin contact. You loved this Bucky. Actually, you loved every Bucky. You loved Bucky day and night. He, however, only seemed to acknowledge you when the world was dark. He only chose to love you when he needed you, and he only needed you to save him from his nightmares.

Soon enough, Bucky was in only his boxers with his arms wrapped around your bare torso. He ran his fingers across your skin as you rolled on top of him and laid your head on his chest, pressing soft kisses to his skin. “Thank you,” he whispered, his breath hitting your forehead.

“S’okay,” you whispered back. “You can always count on me.”

Eventually, you heard his soft snores echo around the room. You soon dozed off too.

When you woke up the next morning, Bucky wasn’t there. This wasn’t new. Bucky was rarely there when you woke up. Usually he was already eating breakfast or getting his morning workout in. On that particular morning, though, he was just taking a shower. When he came out, towel wrapped around his waist, he seemed shocked to see you awake. “Hope I didn’t wake you,” he mumbled, going over to his dresser to get some clothes.

“You didn’t,” you said back quietly. You hated how awkward this felt. This was Bucky, but it wasn’t Bucky. It wasn’t the vulnerable, wonderful Bucky you shared a bed with. This was hard, cold Bucky who seemed to forget nights like the one before even happened. You couldn’t help the next set of words that fell from your lips.

“What are we doing?” you whispered. Bucky immediately froze, then quickly resumed his actions and pulled a pair of sweatpants over his hips.

“Don’t do this, (Y/N),” he mumbled, going to his closet to grab a sweatshirt as well. “This is nothing. You know that. Don’t make it out to be something more than it is.”

“Just tell me what it is,” you pressed, dragging yourself out of his bed. You grabbed your sweatshirt from the night before and pulled it on your body before approaching him. “Tell me how you feel about me.”

“I don’t feel anything about you,” Bucky snapped, turning to face you. His eyes were cold but you read something in them, something he was trying hard to hide: a lie. “When the sun is up, you mean nothing to me,” he said sternly, his voice low. You shook your head.

“I don’t believe you,” you whispered. Bucky shrugged and walked to the door to leave his bedroom.

Before he left, he mumbled, “That’s not my problem.”

You were heartbroken, of course. You went to your room, holding the tears in until you were safely behind a closed door. As an Avenger, you were always determined to put on a strong face. Nothing could hurt you, especially not a person’s feelings (or lack thereof). You wouldn’t let Bucky hurt you. Still, the tears fell steadily from your eyes. You wished you hadn’t fallen into the trap of his sad blue eyes. He didn’t care about you the same way you cared about him. He wanted you for his own selfish purposes. It wasn’t fair to you. Still, you knew the next night he needed you, you would still be there.

There was a knock at your door so you quickly brushed your tears away and cleared your throat. “Yeah?” you called. The door opened slowly and Steve came in, shutting the door behind him and making his way to sit beside you on your bed. You hung your head and didn’t look at him.

“You don’t have to keep going to his rescue,” he said to you softly. “If it keeps hurting you like this.”

“I’m fine,” you said quickly.

“You’re not, and that’s okay,” Steve said. “Bucky is a lot to handle, and I know he doesn’t make things easy for you.” You just shrugged and Steve paused for a moment. “You in love with him?” You closed your eyes and clenched your jaw, hating how vulnerable any talk of Bucky made you feel. “He cares about you a lot more than he lets on,” Steve said.

“Don’t bullshit me,” you laughed bitterly. “I’m his nightmare remedy, nothing more.”

Steve scoffed, “I’ve known Bucky for a long time. He doesn’t sleep with someone he doesn’t have some sort of feelings for. I don’t think that’s changed.”

That afternoon called for a mission against (of course) Hydra. They were creating a biological weapon that the team needed to find and destroy. You found the base, infiltrated it, and were currently in the midst of hand-to-hand combat with the Hydra soldiers. You were fighting in the same room as Bucky because fate hated you. Even when fighting, Bucky ignored your entire existence. The two of you were fighting Hydra soldiers in a wing away from the rest of the team. He hardly even glanced in your direction, and you were grateful you could handle the soldiers attacking you on your own.

In the moment you could catch your breath, you looked up and saw a new soldier approaching. He lifted his gun and aimed it at Bucky. You looked at him to see he wasn’t paying attention, too busy fighting off the soldiers right in front of him. You did the only thing you could think of.

You jumped in front of the bullet.

You weren’t sure how, but Bucky was at your side in seconds. “Fuck, fuck, what did you do that for?” he almost shouted. His metal hand pressed against your stomach where the bullet had entered you, trying to keep pressure on the wound.

“He was gonna get you,” you managed to say.

“You should’ve let him get me,” Bucky sighed. He brushed some hair away from your face and you closed your eyes against his touch. “Keep your eyes open,” he instructed firmly. He pressed his flesh hand to his ear and said, “Anyone on coms. (Y/N)’s down. I repeat, (Y/N) is down. Does anyone copy?”

“Get her to the quinjet,” you heard Steve say.

“She’s going to lose too much blood if I move her,” Bucky said. “That’s not an option.”

“We’ll send a medical team to your location as soon as we can,” Steve said.

“I’m alright,” you muttered through clenched teeth. “I felt pain worse than this just this morning. This is nothing.” Bucky sighed and hung his head.

“(Y/N)-”

You coughed, cutting Bucky off, and some blood trickled out of your mouth. You couldn’t help but close your eyes, only opening them when Bucky lightly slapped your cheek. You could read the emotions in his eyes quite clearly: regret, sadness, pain, and so much fear. It was an emotion so foreign to see in those crystal blue eyes you always found yourself staring into. You sighed, a tired smile on your face. You lifted a bloody hand to Bucky’s cheek. “I wish I knew how to leave you.”

“This isn’t the way,” Bucky said quickly. “You can’t get rid of me this easy.”

“I’m checking out, Buck,” you whispered. “It’s alright.”

“Fuck, you can’t leave me, (Y/N),” he said sternly. “That’s not how this goes.”

“You don’t need me,” you said. Every word sent pain searing through your body but, dammit if these were your last words you were going to make them count. “You don’t need me. I don’t mean a thing to you. Don’t-” You cut yourself off with a heavy gasp as a spark of pain went through you. “Don’t make my last memories a bunch of lies.”

“God dammit, (Y/N) stay with me!” he said, slapping your cheeks again. “Fuck, please, please stay with me. You mean, god you mean so much to me.” You opened your eyes, just barely, and glanced out the window. Bucky followed your gaze with furrowed eyebrows. Then, you gathered as much energy as you could muster and smiled.

“And look at all the sunshine.”

Bucky got you down to an ambulance as soon as you blacked out. No one had any idea how he got past as many Hydra soldiers as he did or how he managed to keep you from losing too much blood, but he did it. He tried to get in the ambulance with you, but the medics wouldn’t let him on. As they drove away, he stood in the spot where he left you, watching the lights of the vehicle until he couldn’t see them anymore.

Then he lost it.

Anything that was within hitting distance, he broke. He punched windows of nearby cars, split bark off of trees, and nearly bashed Steve’s face in when he approached. “Bucky, Buck, come on,” Steve said, grabbing Bucky by the arm in an attempt to stop him. “She’ll be-”

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me,” he spat, yanking his arm out of his best friend’s grasp. “You didn’t see her, Steve. She’s not, fuck it’s all my fault! It’s all my fucking fault! I didn’t, why can’t I just be normal to her?” Steve didn’t say anything, just let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Bucky hung his head and tugged his fingers through his hair as he muttered, “All my fault.”

Bucky waited at the hospital for you to get out of surgery. While everyone else was tending to their own wounds or trying to catch some rest, Bucky assured them he’d fill everyone in once he heard something. After a few hours, a nurse finally approached Bucky. “We were able to remove the bullet and stop her internal bleeding,” she said calmly. “She did lose a lot of blood which has put her in a coma.”

“A coma,” Bucky repeated slowly, as if not believing the words.

“We do believe she will come out of it,” the nurse said quickly, “and relatively soon. She just needs more blood to circulate back to the brain.” Bucky nodded, still processing what the nurse was saying. “You may go see her, if you’d like.” He nodded again and followed the nurse to the room you were being kept in. He sat by you in the chair next to your bed, immediately grabbing your hand. As soon as the nurse left him alone, Bucky let a tear fall from his eye.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” he said softly, “but there’s so much I have to say. I need you to pull out of this, (Y/N). I was wrong this morning. I lied. I need you. You mean so much to me, day and night. I’m just scared. I’m not used to someone meaning this much to me. I don’t like to let people in, but you have this way of just, you have this effect on me that I can’t explain. It scares me. I wish I had said this to you instead of, instead of just treating you so bad. When you jumped in front of that bullet I-” He cut himself off, clearing his throat and hanging his head. “(Y/N) I need you to come back. Please. I won’t live with myself if this kills you.”

It took a week for you to wake back up, and Bucky stayed by your side the whole time.

He smelled like death and he wasn’t getting hardly any sleep, but he didn’t care. He wanted to be by your side when you woke up. He needed to be by your side when he woke up.

So when you awoke, gasping for air and blinking against the bright light, Bucky was right there to hold your hand. “Whoa, whoa, doll, you’re okay,” he said quickly. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” You let out a sigh and leaned back on the bed, closing your eyes and catching your breath.

“Fuck,” you said. “I feel like shit.” Bucky was quiet and you finally opened your eyes to see tears welling in his. “What’s wrong?” you asked quickly. You only realized then that he was still holding your hand. “Buck, what is going on?”

“(Y/N) I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry. For, for a lot of things. For letting you take that bullet for me, for hurting you in all the ways I hurt you. For using you. For, god, for everything. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you said offhandedly. “It’s whatever.”

“No, no it’s not whatever, (Y/N),” Bucky said firmly. “You don’t understand. I don’t know how to-” He sighed. “Oh fuck it-”

Bucky kissed you with all his might. You placed your hand on the back of his neck and kissed him back, hearing your heart monitor beep rapidly. Bucky laughed lightly and pulled away, pressing his forehead to yours. “That’s what I mean,” he whispered. “I mean I love you. And I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. I have so much fucked up shit inside of me and I can’t always cope with how I feel. But seeing you take that bullet, holding you in my arms like that-” He cut himself off, clearing his throat and shaking his head. “It put a lot of things into perspective for me. And I love you. I love you and I need you, and you mean the world to me. Day and night.”

You smiled softly and laid a hand on his cheek. He grabbed your hand and kissed your palm. “I hope you’re not just saying that because you feel bad that I took a bullet for you,” you said quietly.

“I’m not,” Bucky said quickly. “I’m not. I swear. Doll I promise you I-”

“Shh, Buck, it’s okay,” you laughed lightly, wincing at the pain you felt from it. “It’s okay. I believe you.”

Bucky smiled and stroked your cheek. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never forget it.”

[jamesbarnesappreciationsociety]

“I’ll Stand By You” Part 1

Summary: Y/N decoded sensitive algorithms for the Avengers. Little did she know her degenerate boyfriend, Raymond was an operative for Hydra, interested in resurrecting the Winter Soldier. In the midst of chaos, an unlikely bond forms.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Plus size! Reader

OFC: Caspian McKnigh (jerk ex-boyfriend/HYDRA operative) Nat, Wanda, Sam, Steve, Tony, Thor, Vision, Bruce

Word Count: 1,483

Warnings: Butthead ex-boyfriend, kissing, deceit

A/N: This is my (extremely late) submission to @dangerousvikings and @lisinfleur.# M and N Writing Challenge!Thank you for being patient. 

My prompt: “Meeting you was a once in a lifetime change. I couldn’t have been luckier.”

There’s a saying, “Everybody needs somebody to love.” James Buchanan Barnes longed for that special someone. Whenever he  looked in the mirror, he saw the monster HYDRA turned him into. Long gone was the suave and debonair 40’s lady’s man. So, he wrapped his heart in a cocoon, vowing to never let anyone in.

That is until Y/N Y/L/N, arrived at the complex. Her aura radiated hues of purple, blue,  yellow, and pink. Watching from afar, Bucky swore he heard the sweet melody of singing birds when she laughed. Her smile was envied by the sun.

Although Y/N wasn’t a field operative, her knowledge of algorithms aided the Avengers in eradicating 3 hidden bases.

Enter Caspian McKnight. Her so called boyfriend aka “God’s gift to women.” NO ONE at the compound hates him. Y/N was a thicc woman. Albeit biased, Bucky loved every plump inch of her curvaceous frame.

Together for 1 ½ years, Caspian always found a way to make a disparaging comment to her. “You know what Y/N? I could’ve had any woman out there. Show some gratitude!”

Bucky didn’t miss Caspian’s comments. It pissed him off to the point he broke the arm of a chair. Steve knew the feelings his childhood friend had for Y/N.  The smile no longer reached her shimmering seafoam green eyes. She’d lower her head, walking away.

Sitting at her desk engrossed in a USB flash drive, Caspian flung the door open. So hard it hit the wall, startling Y/N.

“What the hell Caspian? You scared the shit out of me?”

Stalking up to her desk, Caspian interrogated Y/N. “You didn’t come home last night. Why is that?”

Y/N pushed her chair from the desk, returning the evil look at Caspian. “I’m working on a project that requires my immediate attention. I’m surprised you even noticed. Must’ve been a slow night for you?”

“Well aren’t you the sassy one. I’ve seen the way Dark Shadows stares at you. Is it him?” Caspian picks his teeth with a toothpick.

Scrunching her eyebrows, Y/N stared at him confused. “Who in the hell is Dark Shadows?”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me. The Winter whatever he is. You think he doesn’t watch you like a hawk?” Caspian closed the distance between them.

Y/N squared her shoulders. “Really? I didn’t notice, but guess what? It feels damn good to have a man look at me like I mean something. You NEVER miss a chance to put me down. As a matter of fact, everyone here hates you, including me!!!!

Bucky took a chance and visited Y/N. Approaching the door, he heard shouting. “What the fucks going on? Are ya okay, doll?”

Rolling his beady eyes, Caspian chuckled. “Doll? Are you kidding? I knew you had something going on with him.”

Bucky strolled over to him. “No, we don’t but if you’re not careful, I’ll snap your neck like a twig.

If I see one tear roll down her cheek, you’re a dead man. Get the hell ‘outta here….NOW!!!

Y/N added. “You do realize the apartment is in my name, right? Therefore, I’ll call the landlord, tell him I’m moving and guess who’s stuck paying all of the bills? That’s right, jackass, you! Tony Stark asked me if I wanted to move in. So, guess I’ve got some packing to do!!! Bucky, will you and Steve help me?”

Laying his arm on her shoulder, Bucky smirked. “Ya got it. Lemme know so I can tell Stevie.”

“No time like the present!” Y/N felt happier and lighter.

Caspian tucked his tail between his legs, stomping from her office. “You’re gonna regret this!”

Hands on her hips, Y/N glared at him. “The only regret I have is not doing this sooner.”

Calling Tony, Y/N wanted to know if his offer was still on the table. “Yes, science girl. When would you like to move?”

Smiling at Bucky. “Is now too early?”

“Nope. I’ll get the movers ASAP. They’ll pack for you. The staff will get a suite ready.”

“Thank you so much. Bucky and Steve are going with me to get my heirlooms. See you later.”

“If m’overstepping lemme know. Ain’t nobody got any business making ya feel like crap. Gosh, you’re one of the prettiest dames I ever laid eyes on. Not t’mention how intelligent y’are. Any man would be lucky to have y’as his best girl.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck.

Y/N giggled with silly loveliness,  leaning over kissing Bucky on his cheek.

“C’mon, let’s get’cha moved in. M’excited. Maybe sometimes, if ya wanna, we can get a coffee.”

“James Buchanan Barnes, I’d love that.”

Bucky did a double take. “What?? Are ya serious? Don’t go playin’ with me.”

The gleam returned to her eyes, Y/N winked. “Who’s playing?”

With pep in his step, Bucky and Steve helped Y/N moved and get settled.

Watching from afar, Caspian pulled a burner cell phone from his pocket, pressing #2.

“Phase one is underway.”

“Perfect. What’s next?”

“Lay low. We don’t want either of them to become suspicious!”

“Good job, Agent! Hail Hydra!”

“Hail Hydra!

Nat and Wanda loved helping Y/N set up her suite. Another female meant a copious amount wine and gossip.

Nat laughed. “Spill it, Y/N. What’s going on with you and Barnes?”

Wanda sipped her wine giggling. “Let’s hear all about it.”

Y/N flopped on her bed. “Alright. If you must know, we’ve had coffee, lunch and dinner. Not in that order. He’s really sweet and easy to talk to.”

“We are talking about James Buchanan Barnes, right?”

“Nattie, stop it!” Wanda hit her arm. “Y/N and Barnes are cute together.”

“Thank you Wanda. I heard Tony is having dinner catered tonight?”

Nat and Wanda nodded. “He’s having a ‘Welcome to the Compound’ dinner in your honor.”

Y/N couldn’t believe her ears. “Really?? Wow, that’s so sweet.”

In the kitchen, caterers scurried, setting up a grand feast. Roast beef topped with pearl onions, baby carrots, red potatoes and basil, t-bone steaks, baked and mashed potatoes, salad bar, yeast rolls, and succulent desserts.

Steve, Tony, Sam, Bruce, Thor and Bucky were milling about as the women rounded the corner laughing.

Mr. Sarcastic Stark couldn’t let the moment pass. “Well, if it isn’t ‘The Giggly 3.’ Oh hell, they’ve been drinking.”

Thor boomed. “Welcome to the team, fair maiden Y/N.” He kissed her hand. Bucky was fuming!

“Thank you Thor. I’m happy to be here. Hi Buckaroo.”

“Hey doll. What’cha been up to?”

Y/N held him around the waist. “I’ve been hanging out with Wanda and Nat, unpacking, drinking wine and laughing uncontrollably. It feel so good, Buck. I’m free.” She didn’t realize tears rolled down her cheeks.

Steve handed her a tissue. “Are you alright Y/N?”

Running from the room, Y/N stopped in the hallway, sobbing.

Bucky followed. “Hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong? C’mere.”

He held her to his chest. “I’m so sorry. I realized Caspian is no longer in my life. No more ugly remarks. You make me feel like a woman. Thank you.”

“Ya need to know. Meeting you was a once in a lifetime chance. I couldn’t be luckier.”

When their lips met, time stood still. The world stopped spinning on its axis. Coming up for air, Y/N moaned. “Wow, that was….wow!”

Tony looked around the corner. “If you two are finished sucking face, dinner is served.”

Holding hands, Bucky and Y/N made their way to the table.

Y/N apologized. “I’m so sorry for earlier. Caspian wasn’t the nicest man. He’d make snide comments, making me feel ‘less than.’ Now, I’m my own person.”

Sam understood. “Hey miss lady, it’s alright. We all have shit in our lives that ain’t pretty. You’re home and loved”

By the end of the night, Y/N forgot the past and relished in a bright future.

On the other side of town, Caspian stewed. He plotted against Y/N. Not only would he attempt to steal the USB flash drives, but make Bucky suffer by taking away his WOMAN!

@dangerousvikings @goodnightwife @rebelslicious @suz-123 @pegasusdragontiger @bolontiku @wxntersoldiers @ek823 @yknott81

[spidizzlemizzle]

Lying to Protect

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, mention of Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,383

Warnings: Angst, mentions of sexual activities but no detail, a bit of sadness

A/N: This is song imagine based on Lie to Me by Five Seconds of Summer, lyrics and flashbacks are in italics. Feedback is always encouraged and appreciated. Enjoy xx

masterlist

Two months.

You went off the grid two months ago. You had cut myself off from the avengers, the people you called family, two months ago. You had moved to San Francisco, cut your hair short, and was so close to changing your name. This decision was 100% reasonable and rational even if some believed otherwise. For months, the missions you were assigned to had been rough and made you return home harmed in one way or another and exhausted every time.

The event of your final mission had been the final straw. Innocent civilians had been killed and you hadn’t been there in time to save them.

A young girl had spotted you and asked you to spare some change for an ice cream before the chaos ensued. She was there, in the midst of disarray and destruction. Lifeless. Her unmoving body laid amongst the rubble, eyes staring into your own, your mind screaming at you, saying it was your fault. This whole mess was, all the lost lives were your fault. You remained silent the entire ride home and packed you bags as soon as you slammed your bedroom door behind you.

That day would haunt you forever.

But as each day passed, it became easier to handle.

And so did the fact you had left your entire life behind because of said day. You had believed that life would stay in the back of your mind, replaced by your now mundane, average life, but things never seemed to go your way.

“Hey kid, just thought I check in on you, hoping you’d stop by the tower one day soon and come see the gang, how’s that sound?”

Tony’s voice rang through the phone; you had never expected to get back in touch with Tony but kept his number in case of emergency. You considered the idea of seeing them all again, what if they didn’t want to see you anymore? It was a fair question, you left without saying goodbye or anything else to any of them ever since.

Tony waited patiently on the other side of the line; he knew you needed time to register what he was asking of you. He heard you take a deep breath after a few seconds and got an answer he was hoping for.

“Alright, when works best for me to come back?”

“How about this weekend, everyone’s staying here for a few days to hopefully just relax and recuperate”

“Then I’ll see you Friday, yeah?”

“Perfect” He ended the call with that, turning to see Bucky in the doorway of his lab.

“Who was that? New recruit?”

“Nope, an old friend’s coming back to see everybody” He smirked at the metal armed man in front of him, only getting a confused glance in return.

“Do I know this old friend?”

“Yeah, quite well actually” Tony stepped past Bucky, pat him on the shoulder and left him alone to think about it. He knows them quite well. Who was it? No, it could not be who he thought it was, could it? You’d left months ago, why would you come back?

Friday rolled around quicker than expected. Bags were packed and flight was booked. You became slightly nervous as you approached the airport and texting Tony to let him know when you thought you would get there. You looked out the window and thought of everyone who you had left behind. You were lost in thought when your driver had pulled into the airport and helped you get your bags. You thanked and payed the man, pacing to your terminal and preparing for the six and a half hour flight you were about to endure.

Tony was aware you were in the state the second you stepped off the plane, you had kept him posted every step of the way, there was no way you would leave him in the dark now.

You decided to walk to the tower. It wasn’t far and the cool, fresh air helped calm your nerves slightly. Each step closer to your old home made you tense and almost nauseous.

The entrance was in view sooner than you hoped, but it was too late to back out, Tony knew you were basically standing in front of him and soon enough, you were.

“[Y/N]” He stood with confidence oozing from every pore, a delicate smile on his face.

“Tony, long time no see” You stepped forward and placed your hand out to shake his. Instead of reciprocating the simple action, he grabbed your hand and tugged you forward, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. He pulled away but held you upper arms firmly as if you would run away if he didn’t.

“Look at you, your hair is so much shorter, your style, that’s new, not bad though. Most importantly though, you look incredibly happy, it’s a good look on you” His eyes ran over your form as he made you laugh softly.

“You’re not looking too bad yourself for an old man. Although, I’m pretty sure you didn’t invite me here just to compliment my new look. You gonna let me inside?”

“Oh yeah, of course, everyone’s gonna be so surprised to see you”

“You didn’t tell them?”

“Thought it would be better not to” He didn’t mention the brief interaction with Bucky or him at all, he didn’t see a point. He guided you through the main entrance and to the elevators, updating you on your friends, Steve, Nat, Sam, Thor, Clint, Bruce, and himself of course. Bucky’s name wasn’t mentioned once. The talk of Steve stuck with you. Tony had said he was well and you were hoping that was true more than anything. You had always been in love with that man, he didn’t need to know that though, he didn’t need to be burdened you.

A small bell dinged in the middle of your calm conversation, indicating you had reached your level.

“And here we are. Most people are currently out but I’m sure there’s a few stragglers around the place. You want a drink?” You shook your head and took a seat across the kitchen island to him as he reached for a drink from the fridge.

Steve and Sam returned to the tower after their run, heading up to the kitchen in the elevator with simple banter of Sam’s agility compared to Steve. They exited the elevator and walked down a short corridor, hearing a familiar laugh from their destination.

Steve could never forget that laugh, it almost haunted him in his dreams. His smile dropped as he saw her sat in her old spot at the island, an easy conversation between her and Tony. This couldn’t be real, she couldn’t be back. He cleared his throat, making Tony’s head snap up to look at the men in the doorway.

“Steve! Sam! You guys are back! Look who else is!” He was like a small child who got a new toy, giddy to show you off to everyone else. You looked over her shoulder and smiled. You turned the chair to face him and stood, obviously not sure what to do next so you simply waved and let out a small “hey”.

I saw you looking brand new overnight

I caught you looking, too, but you didn't look twice

You look happy

You look happy

“Hey, it’s been a while, how are you going?” He could be mad at her later, not in her presence. She left him without a single word, turning hi into a complete mess for the first few weeks. He thought you shared something and you’d stay with him no matter what. It had happened before; he had reason to expect that.

“I’m sorry Steve, I have to go” Tears nearly spilled from your eyes but you couldn’t let them. You were only going to be in London for three weeks and it was stupid to cry over that. It wasn’t forever.

“Please [Y/N]; just stay here, going to London has no benefit in any way so why bother?” he held your hands and desperately tried to keep you in New York. A smile spread across your face and you faced the ground. He had won, he knew he had.

“Alright I’ll stay” He pulled you to his chest and lifted you off the ground, spinning you around as you squealed and giggled at his actions.

Flashing back to New York City

Changing flights so you'd stay with me

Remember thinking that I got this right

The elevator dinged once more and the other super soldier emerged. Unlike the others, you were surprised to see him. Tony hadn’t said a single word of him and you assumed he wasn’t around.

“Buck” It was all you could say as you made eye contact over Sam’s shoulder. He stopped and held the eye contact for a few extra seconds.

“[Y/N], I heard you were coming back” He smiled weakly and you nodded. Tension built in the room until Tony spoke from behind you.

“Should we leave you two to catch up?” Bucky nodded, feeling like the privacy was necessary. There was a lot to discuss. Tony pulled Steve and Sam out of the room and down the hall to his lab.

“What is there for them to talk about in private exactly?” Steve asked and leaned against a desk.

“They have history, thought it would be best for them to figure things out on their own” Tony only shrugged.

“History? What does that mean?” Steve was becoming impatient; he felt he deserved answers from Tony.

“It means they have a past they only they should be talking about” Tony didn’t feel like explaining the relationship between you and Bucky to the two men in front of him.

“What happened between them?” It was Sam’s turn to ask a question. Tony sighed, he wouldn’t get out of this easily if he didn’t just come clean about what he knew.

“All I know is that they slept together and didn’t want anyone knowing. Anyway, it was a long time ago so it doesn’t even matter” Tony left the room and went to the elevators, needing to get out of the situation he had made.

“They what?” Steve was thinking aloud. Why had neither of his best friends told him about this?

Steve felt angry and sad all at the same time. He thought back to a mission over a year ago that had taken a toll on the whole team assigned to it. Steve had sat with you and comforted you as you cried into his chest.

“It’ll be alright, I promise. You are so strong, you’ll get through this” His words helped calm you down. You stood from your place on the couch.

“I’m gonna go check on Bucky. Thank you Steve” and with those words and a small kiss to his cheek, you left the room and wasn’t seen for the rest of the night. Steve had found it odd but brushed it off.

He felt stupid, completely and utterly hurt by the fact you had left his comforting arms for his best friend.

Now I wish we'd never met

'Cause you're too hard to forget

While I'm cleaning up your mess

I know he's taking off your dress

Steve’s head had struggled to process the information for the rest of the afternoon and well into the night. He tossed and turned in his bed until laying on his back and staring blankly at the ceiling. He laid there for a few moments, accepting the fact sleep wasn’t going to consume him anytime soon. Turning his head to face the bedside and the small, digital clock, he saw the time.

3:24am

It's three A.M. and the moonlight's testing me

If I can make it 'til dawn then it won't be hard to see

That I ain't happy

I ain't too happy

He groaned and pulled himself out of the bed and made his way down the hall and into the elevator. Exiting and head to the kitchen, he was surprised by the sight in front of him.

You sat neatly in that same stool, tea in front of you and hands grasped around it, desperate to absorb its warmth. You heard the footsteps approaching and turned to look over your shoulder. Seeing Steve in the doorway, you offered a tight-lipped smile and turned away from him once more.

“Can’t sleep?” You spoke quietly but just loud enough for him to hear from the entrance.

“Yeah, can’t stop thinking” He sat down beside you and leaned into the backrest.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Turning your head to look at him, you smiled.

“I was thinking about you actually. And Bucky” You knew what he meant. Guilt flooded you and you looked away.

“Tony told you, didn’t he?” You stirred the tea with the spoon placed delicately in the mug. You didn’t need to look up to know he nodded.

“I should’ve told you, I’m so sorry. It was a onetime thing and I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time” You explained yourself but still refused to look at him.

“Do you love him?” His words caught you off guard, making you turn to him fully now.

“What?”

“I said do you love him?”

“No, Steve, I don’t love him” His accusation hurt, Steve thought you loved someone else when he was the only person you felt anything for.

“Okay” You stood and placed your mug and spoon in the sink as he whispered the singular word.

“Goodnight Steve, I hope you rest now that you have closure” YOU placed a hand on his shoulder and ran it to his other as you walked past, giving it a small squeeze before letting go and walking away.

“Wait, [Y/N]”

“What is it Steve?” He was hesitant, fiddling with his thumbs and staring at the marble benchtop.

“Do you�� Do you love me?” He lifted his eyes to gauge your reaction and response. He got nothing, just a blank, slightly saddened stare.

“I’m sorry but I can’t give you the answer you want, goodnight Steve” And you left.

And I know that you don't

But if I ask you if you love me

I hope you li-li-li-lie

Lie to me

[iamyourscarletvision]

White

Author: Iamyourscarletvision (LadyKadilion on Ao3)

N/A: Infinity War Spoilers, based on the events after the movie.

Warning: No fix-it (I am sorry), Angst, Instrospection.

Characters: Vision.

White.

Darkness enveloped him... a silent blanket of shadows where nothing existed but his nascent being, no sense of touch or even perception of movements around him. He was alone in a world of darkness and his consciousness took shape slowly but steadily.

And then the light was made.

Cold.

Bright.

White.

And then there was fear. A voice, calling from the outside of that darkness, but he feared, perhaps for the first time (first time?), what existed beyond his consciousness. A foreboding flooded his whole being, while he was forced to return to reality.

"Is he waking up?"

He did not make any movement, he just tried to concentrate his new senses to his surroundings. He expected something (someone?), a signal, a feeling that welcomed him pleasantly to this world of matter, so different from the one that had sheltered him.

There was noise around him, the sound of footsteps moving ... the whisper of someone, people talking. The distant sound... stronger, were those birds? That was not what he was looking for, what his mind, his conscience, was trying to scan in that new world.

There was something lost.

Something was missing.

He opened his eyes.

The white light dazzled his synthetic corneas momentarily, and the first glimpse of pain penetrated his nervous system, causing him to contract the muscles of his face and utter the first exclamation at the shock of sensations. Everything seemed to gather weight around him, pushing the darkness away from his mind, everything was too real and so ... so overwhelming.

"He's awake, guys, Steve!"

The voice was familiar ... in the midst of his daze he searched the database (database... had he ever expressed himself that way?) of his lethargic consciousness... Tony? No ... Bruce? yes. Bruce.

"Doctor Banner?" He forced the words out of his mouth... as memories flooded him, and more information seemed to attack his senses. The smell of vegetation was intense, also the sound of birds contrasted with that of technological implements. Where was he? What had happened?

He tried to remember in the midst of his desperation, while his consciousness kept expanding, searching... looking for what?

What he was looking for?

"Look at his brain waves, Doctor Banner."

"He is distressed"

"Vision ... vision is us, it's okay, you're back."

For some reason, he did not want to be back...

Why did not he want to be back?

Something... something was lost.

He opened his eyes once more, and in front of him a figure seemed to take shape slowly, blurred by the intense light of the room. A young woman with dark complexion and elaborate hairstyle. His mind found the necessary information, working as a group of gears deactivated for eons of time.

Miss Shuri. She was smiling, dressed in a lab coat, a youthful joy invaded her features, and something bothered him greatly. The face of the scientist showed the same kind of joy, but there was still a bias of concern in his eyes, a nervousness.

Did not they understand that I wanted to continue sleeping?

Were they perhaps indifferent to his pain?

Pain?

Why did reality hurt suddenly? Why was the awakening so difficult?

And that persistent sense of loss...

"Vision, man, we thought you lost, tell me ... are you okay?"

General Rhodes.

"Vision, it's good to have you back"

Agent Romanoff.

As more people gathered around him, he had more trouble controlling the anguish within his being. Was he failing? What was that feeling of discomfort inside his thoracic box? He scanned their faces as he sat on the metal table where his body had been deposited, holding on with the help of Doctor Banner, who had kept a prudent silence, while everyone seemed to rise up before the miracle in front of them, waiting for a reaction that the newly revived synthetic man seemed not to want to show.

"The synapse seems to work perfectly, the readings do not show any failure so far, the recovery of your senses and your brain information may take a few minutes, but you will be perfect, even so we will continue to monitor you..."

The young woman spoke to him cheerfully, observing the holographic device in front of her, but he had stopped listening to her when his eyes fell on the only figure that had not approached him, which was leaning against the wall, watching him, with a neutral expression, exhausted.

Captain Rogers.

He looked at him, his posture was that of a man who had aged ten years in a couple of days, there were wrinkles on his forehead and circles under his tired eyes. It was the image of a defeated man, and his gaze seemed to penetrate his senses. Vision was certain that his appearance, however new, expressed the same, but still did not know why, and for some reason his conscience shouted st him, begged, so he would not make an attempt to find out...

But he could not help it.

There was something lost.

Something was missing.

"Vision?"

Banner was the first to show concern about his condition, but Vision kept looking at Captain Rogers, while a feeling of fear began to flood every fiber of his being.

But the fear was irrational, isn’t it?

He had been revived, something that, according to the expression of his companions, nobody had expected, it was a miracle.

He scanned the faces of the people around him once more, and noticed for the first time the tiredness that covered their  features. Each of them, watching him trying to show a positivism they did not feel, camouflaging a sense of defeat that Steve did not seem to want to hide.

His aching eyes scanned the perimeter, looking for the source of his anguish, and his consciousness spread against a wall of... nothing, which competed with the emptiness inside his chest, flooding his senses until it became almost unbearable.

Shuri walked around the table and concentrated on one of the monitors behind Doctor Banner, who kept a hand on his shoulder. But there were no sign of King T'challa with them.

He did not want to be there.

Natasha approached Steve, who had uncrossed his arms, and was walking directly towards him. But Bucky was not there.

There was something wrong.

Rhodes stood at his side, and the expression on his face had lost all hint of joy, only a serene sadness remained. He saw the room again, but Sam Wilson was nowhere to be seen.

"Bruce, please give us a moment"

He looked at the room one more time.

For something.

For someone.

"Vision"

No.

Captain Rogers' hand settled delicately on his shoulder, bringing him out of his recent discovery. But he did not have the courage to look him in the eye, to look up and see the defeated look again.

"Vision, I need to know if you're okay, we're going to tell you everything that happened, I promise, but right now I need you to tell us how you feel."

He looked up and found himself face to face with Captain Rogers, Steve, the leader, the soldier, his friend, and what he saw was genuine concern, but also sadness, pain, loss.

Loss.

No, oh god.

"Where is everybody?"

An arrow of pain pierced the Capitan's blue eyes, but his face remained impassive, even so, he was quick to read the reaction of his other companions, their inalations, their crestfallen looks, their lost expressions.

"We're going to talk about it in a moment"

"Steve, tell him" Natasha.

No, please no.

The silence was as painful as the anguish that grew in his chest, and despite feeling unable to utter his next words, his eyes never left his friend's face as he did so.

"Where is Wanda?"

Silence.

Steve closed his eyes, and Vision felt Doctor Banner's hand on his right shoulder.

Nobody said anything, everyone avoided looking at him.

"Steve"

Had he ever felt such despair? but his mind now shouted for answers, while a painful feeling ate him alive, while looking at the fractured expression of the Captain.

"Where is Wanda?"

Their defeated eyes met once more, and Vision was surprised to see the moisture rise in them, and his hardened face crumble, as did the expression of each of his companions, his friends.

"Thanos"

Thor's voice was calm, but hit him roughly, and his eyes moved to the warrior who had been silent, watching the scene from the corner of the room.

Wanda.

"I'm sorry, Vision." Captain Rogers' voice sounded distant, overshadowed by a buzz coming from his chest, and his eyes found the Asgardian warrior's, while the whiteness of the void growing on his chest closed his peripheral vision.

It has been Wanda

"How"

Wanda was missing.

The whiteness seemed to flood everything, while his friends began to talk around him, but their voices did not reach him... while his mind went through his final hours, and the image of that young woman observing him with joy, while he asked her to stay.

And she stayed.

"Vision, vision ... are you fine? talk to us"

"Give it a minute, Steve, hold him"

"Vision, man, answer us, tell us something, whatever"

It was his fault.

"Why?" His voice was calm, but the tears rolled down his cheeks, while the whiteness flooded him, and the emptiness took over his being. There was nothing, there was nothing left.

“Why did not you let me die?”  

There was nothing but indifference. Towards his companions, towards his friends, towards his own existence.

The light had never been synonymous of welcome, no... now he saw it. The color white is neutrality, because reality is painful, and the whiteness was there to shield him from it.

He thought as they held him and collapsed, while his tears fell tirelessly down his cheeks, and he could not do anything but exist. It is not like this? How could they have brought him to life, knowing that he would have to live with the painful weight of loss?

He hated them, he hated the humans who had wasted their time bringing him to a reality lacking in her touch.

He hated their vain attempts to calm him, to confort him.

He hated that being that had taken away everything he had ever loved, he hated him with an intense and unbridled rage.

And while the images of her ran through his mind, his pain increased, and paralyzed him to the point of not feeling anything, not wanting anyone else, not wanting anything else.

Neutrality, purgatory.

It was his fault, after all.

His egoism destroyed the only thing in that world that was worth protecting. There was no more of this world than what he could want.

"Why did not you let me die?"

She was dead... and he was so tired of surviving.

[soldatbarnes]

Panic

Summary: After a mission doesn’t go as planned, reader finds herself in the midst of a panic attack. Bucky uses the ‘5 Things’ method to help her calm down and come back to the present. -This was a request that I no longer have the ask for.

Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1955

Warnings: Reader has a panic attack; Bucky is cute. Bubblemint gum. 

A/N: no tags as this is a repost and I don’t want to make anybody crazy :) 

“Hey you!” Bucky greeted when he walked into the kitchen, seeing you sitting on the counter sipping away at your morning coffee.

“Mornin’ Buck.” you smiled, watching him begin to rummage through the cupboards looking for something to eat.

“You know, you shouldn’t sit on the counter. We put food there.” he mumbled, reaching up for a box of pancake mix that was on the top shelf.

“Huh?” you asked, having gotten distracted by the patch of skin that showed when his shirt lifted at the same time he asked the question.

“Your bum is where food goes.” he said, turning around and pointing at the counter.

“It’s not my bare bum! I have pants on.” you rolled your eyes, sipping your coffee. He laughed and shook his head.

This was your morning routine. Everyday you would wake up too early, make coffee and sit on the counter. You used to sit by yourself, until one morning Bucky was up almost just as early, to go for a run before everybody else got up. He preferred to skip the hustle and bustle of everybody trying to make breakfast at the same time, so he would grab something to eat after. That was until he bumped into you.

Your friendship with Bucky had grown gradually, as both of you were very wary of other people. After a while, you seemed to sense this quality in each other, and found solace in the other’s coping mechanisms. The anxiety you both could feel on a daily basis felt lessened when the other was there. Bucky always said it was because you both understood the different needs you each had, to be alone, to be together, to be quiet, to be as loud as you could be. You always gave the other an out to every social plan. You didn’t know what it was like to feel at peace around another person until you met Bucky, the only person who didn’t expect anything from you.

Bucky felt like freedom.

And so you would spend your mornings, quietly going back and forth, just like today. Little quips and secret stolen glances. You knew you relied on Bucky. You knew you loved Bucky. You knew you wanted Bucky. But you were afraid that you needed him. Nothing felt right if he wasn’t there.

“Pancakes?” his voice startled you from your thoughts.

“What kind did you make?”

“Really? You’ve been sitting here the whole time!”

“I’m sorry, I’m just out of it a little today. Big mission later.” You smiled, more to yourself. Bucky already knew that you were uneasy about your job today. It would be your first mission without him by your side. The thought made you sweat in panic, but you pushed all of that aside when you looked up into his sincere eyes.

“It will be fine. You’ll be amazing as always.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss to your forehead. To comfort. Platonically. Your favourite and least favourite things. “And they’re chocolate chip. With raspberry maple syrup.”

“My favourite!” you clapped your hands together before he handed you a plate.

“I know! And when you get back later, we’ll have that mac ‘n’ cheese that you like.” he winked, and turned before you could see his proud smile. 

“I don’t think I can do this, Buck.” you were standing before the jet, watching Steve pack in all of the equipment that you would need.

“You’re gonna be fine. You’re amazing at what you do, whether I’m there or not.” he chuckled the last part.

“You don’t know that!” you stalled, knowing the sooner you said goodbye the sooner you would be on your way away from Bucky and towards Hydra.

“You’re stalling.”

“No I’m not.” you attempted to stare him down and look cross. He knew you far too well.

“Remember, me and cheesy cheesy pasta when you get back.” he pulled you in for a tight hug, before Steve motioned it was time to go. You let out a deep breath and allowed him to let go of you, but not before you placed a quick peck to his cheek. Bucky let out a little hum before he gently nudged you forward.

A few hours later Bucky was awoken by loud footsteps coming down the hallway. He was normally a very sound sleeper, but with his two favourite people on a mission, he couldn’t rest properly, always waiting for THAT phone call. The one he had nightmares about occasionally. He squinted into the dark, seeing a little bit of light peeking under the door. His alarm clock read 3:30 am. 

He groaned before settling back into bed. Harsh knocking sounded moments later, startling him fully awake.

Bucky jumped out of bed, and rushed to the door. Flinging it open he came eye to eye with Steve.

“Steve, what the hell?” he croaked.

“It’s Y/N!” Bucky felt his heart pick up, and heat immediately washed down his back in panic.

“What! What about her?!”

“She’s.. I don’t know how to explain it! C’mon!” Steve grabbed Bucky’s arm to pull him with him into the hallway.

“Is she hurt?” Steve shook his head.

“She’s.. Not responding like usual.. She started to get dizzy on her way back..” he was speaking fast, jogging down the hall.

“What happened??”

“I don’t know Buck! One minute she was fine, and then the next she wasn’t.. I guess she was thinking about the mission..”

“What happened on the mission?”

“Something distracted her, which distracted me and I almost got hit..”

“Then what happened?”

“I finished the job, and she sat in place, where it happened.” 

“Did she say anything?”

“No.. I tried to get her to talk to me but.. She kept saying ‘Bucky’ and ‘I’m disappointed’... She beat herself up about it, until we got here.”

The two men reached the living room where you sat, knees to your chest, trying to catch your breath. Bucky sat down in front of you immediately, taking your trembling hands in his.

“Hey, heeeyyy..” he whispered, running a hand through your hair, brushing it out of your face.

“I can’t breathe Bucky..” tears were streaming down his face.

“I think you’re having a panic attack, can you remember what I taught you??” he watched you nod, and he turned to wave everybody out of the room. The less people that were around the more concentrated you would be. “Gotta get grounded.. Look around, what are five things you can see?”

“I..Uh..” you craned your neck around the room, trying hard to focus. “I see, you!” You caught your focus when you looked up into his worried blue eyes.

“That’s good, that’s good.. what else?”

“I see you, and.. and... Tasha’s favourite mug! The owl one! It’s on the counter... And... Sam’s throw blanket...” Bucky looked around with you, keeping his right hand locked onto your left one.

“I’m here, and Tasha’s mug, and Sam’s blanket.. Good.. two more..”

“One of Steve’s slippers is on the floor over there... And there’s a bag of skittles on the end table!”

“Okay, you did it! You found me, the mug, the throw blanket, a slipper and the, skittles. Good.. Good start.” he leaned forward placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“Now, four things that you can touch..”

Bucky watched as you lifted your right hand, still shaking, and placed it on his left arm. You ran your hand up and down, feeling every groove and relishing the coolness that came off of it.

“I like this..” you mumbled, and Bucky felt his cheeks flush. “Will you pass me the blanket?”

He leaned back, grabbing the plush throw off the couch and handed it to you. You liked how soft and fuzzy it felt compared to the smooth, hard metal of Bucky’s arm. You then placed your hand on the carpet you were sitting on, feeling the coarseness compared to the blanket. Looking back up at Bucky, you reached your right hand out again, and placed it on his cheek. He pulled back a little, before calming as you brought your fingertips over the ridges of his face, stopping at least once to press up the crease that formed between his eyebrows from his own confusion.

“That’s four things! Now, listen, what are three things that you can hear?” Sitting in the quiet silence you listened. You concentrated and listened as hard as you could. This one was difficult, because all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing through your ears, as your nerves fired at how close Bucky was to you. He was still holding your hand.

“I-I can hear.. Your breathing, slow and even...” you started, “ I can hear Steve pacing down the hall, because his footsteps are almost as heavy as yours.. and I can hear the sound of the kitchen fan.. must’ve been left on from earlier..”

“You’re doing so great,” he smiled, watching your body begin to relax, and your breath evening out. “Two things that you can smell?”

“I smell blood.. there must be some on my uniform..” you could almost taste the metallic in your mouth. “And I smell... you?” it came out as more of a question then the statement you were hoping for.

“Me?” he looked absolutely dumbfounded.

“I can’t place it... Your shampoo, soap, cologne.. and something distinctly you.. Something that smells like home..” You looked up and gave him a soft smile. You could feel tears pricking your eyes at the realization. Bucky was home to you.

“O-okay..” he stuttered, trying to look away from your gaze. “And, now you just need something you can taste..” he looked around, the skittles bag catching his eye. He leaned over to grab it, stopping suddenly when you pulled him back. Turning to face you he was caught off guard when you grabbed his face in your hands, and pressed your lips to his. Before he could react you pulled back and looked at him.

“Bubblemint.” was all you said. His mouth was agape.

“What?” was all he could manage to spit out.

“Your toothpaste. It’s bubble mint!” you giggled. “That’s the same as my favourite gum!”

“It is?” he couldn’t form a full enough sentence. You hummed in agreement, before standing up, pulling him up with you.

“Thank you, Bucky. Really. It means the whole world to me that you take care of me when I get like this. I don’t know what I’d do without you..”

He nodded, still looking shocked. There were so many things he wanted to say, but all he could do was look at you. You grabbed ahold of his hand once more and walked towards your rooms.

“Everything's okay now?” Steve asked, finally stopping in place. “It is. When Bucky’s around everything is okay.” you smiled, kissing Steve on the cheek before saying goodnight and continuing on your way. Yours and Bucky’s room were down the hallway, across from one another. You stopped when you got there, at a crossroads of sorts.

“We should get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning?” you asked, looking at your strangely silent friend.

“Yeah.. Morning..” was once again, all he could get out. He turned to go into his room, but you grabbed his arm. You smiled at him, before once more bringing his lips to yours. He kissed you back this time, trying his best to convey his feelings. After a few moments you pulled away.

“Goodnight, Bucky!” you smiled, before disappearing into your room. Bucky stood staring at your closed door, before a goofy grin broke out across his face. 

“Bubblemint...” he chuckled to himself, before heading into his own room. Tomorrow would be an interesting day.

[edgy-fluffball]

Family of Heart

So, a very special person has their birthday today and I wrote a little something for them. Happy Birthday, @tigerthealien!

The TV was loud enough to be heard throughout the whole apartment. The newscaster’s voice was shrill and panicked, short sentences followed each other, all too similar to a rapid fire gun. Her information about the newly arisen threat on the banks of the Hudson River echoed through the empty rooms, clearly audible in the kitchen where she was preparing the meal for later. She had finished the goulash, it steamed on the stove behind her, a salads waited in the fridge and she was stirring together a vanilla custard.

Just as she got ready to transfer it into another bowl, the newscaster said, ‘It looks like Black Widow is down. I repeat, Black Widow is down.’

The ceramic bowl slipped from her fingers and shattered on the stone kitchen ground. Shards broke the skins of the soles of her feet but she did not feel the pain. She hurried over to where the TV still showed the Avengers trying to contain the creatures dropping from a portal just beyond Broadway. She could make out the flash that was Iron Man, tumbling through the dusty air; the Hulk clung to something vaguely resembling a surfboard, trying to bring it to the ground. And there, moving constantly, never stopping, Cap and the Soldier, flipping each other into the air to take out the next enemy. Falcon swooped in from time to time to take care of something behind their backs.

She tried to localise Hawkeye in the midst of the battle, she could see his arrows flying and hitting their mark, but he seemed to move too quickly to be spotted. The direction the arrows came from changed with every second that went by. She noticed, however, the way he circled around Black Widow’s body, motionless on the ground until someone could get to her.

It was a Wednesday, after all, which meant that precisely these Avengers were on call, every New Yorker knew their schedule by this time. It was hard not to notice the regularity evolving around the pattern that saw certain Avengers appear on site on certain days.

The phenomenon superheroes had turned into was supported by the tight news coverage their interceptions received. Whenever they appeared in the streets, news cameras and journalists followed them and their movements as closely as possible. She knew that Cap and Black Widow hated it, they used every press conference to remind the public of the danger they faced, if they defied the Safety Protocol issued by the United Nations.

‘Oh, what a relief, Black Widow is back on her feet,’ the newscaster seemed relieved to see the woman stand again, ‘and she takes down the next creature!’

She exhaled carefully. When the journalists were back to the sports-like commentary, it was almost always save to say that no immediate harm to the Avengers was to be expected. Turning back to the kitchen, she noticed the red stains her feet had left on the previously shiny floor.

‘Shit!’ She cursed as she limped down the hall to fetch a bucket and a rag, ‘of course I bleed all over the flat. Of course it happens now.’

She wiped up what red footprints she had left in the hallway, living room and kitchen before hoisting herself onto the counter to bandage her feet using the first aid set they kept under the sink, usually for her father. His liability to injuries and accidents were more than infamous to their acquaintances and friends. In fact, she had never seen her father without band aids on various cuts and bruises in his face and on his arms or legs. They seemed to be a part of him.

The upside to it was the presence of bandages in almost every room of the apartment. Her mother had installed them there as soon as they had moved in, ‘Just to be sure.’

Every step she took, hurt. The cuts stung beneath the bandages but she had a cake to finish, food to get ready and a table to set. The cake was the easiest to manage, her custard was quick to stir together, even with the remnants of her first batch having ended up on the floor. She could pour it between her chocolate sponges without a problem. Her mother had hidden the decorations, like every year, to keep her father from eating them before the time. Like every year, she had found them in time. This year, her mother had bought fondant and edible paper Avengers cake decorations.

In the background, the newscaster congratulated the real Avengers on seemingly having won the battle and taken care of whatever enemy they had been facing. The news teams would be on site long after the Avengers had left, recalling what had been going on, assuming the motivations and background of whatever creatures they had been fighting. Their theories got wilder with every time it happened. No one wanted to hear that some people were just both evil and stupid enough to attack in broad daylight when the Avengers were close by to stop them.

She put the finished cake into the fridge and got the first salad bowls out. Her parents would be back soon enough and they would enjoy something to eat on the table. She set the table for the fifteen people who might turn up. She could never know how many were to be expected. Not with her parents and their friends. All she could do was to cook enough goulash to feed a whole battalion, make five salads and hope for the best. At least, her father had catered for enough drinks in the fridge and the pantry.

‘We are back, sweetheart!’ Her mother stood in the hallway, smiling at her; a bit dusty, but otherwise healthy and alive.

‘Mum! I saw it on the news – I thought-‘

The excitement had her zapping through the apartment, forgetting every promise she had made when her parents had her taken home with them.

‘Oops,’ she grinned at her mother, ‘sorry?’

‘It’s alright, sweet-pea, I’m sure today is the one day we can let it all slide,’ her father jumped in front of her before she could hug her mother, wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground, ‘Eighteen years of dragging you around, fighting over which movies to watch, which missions to go onto, which to abandon and who has to watch you while the other is off to fight – Happy Birthday, Tiger!’

‘Yes, a very happy birthday. Now where is the cake? We were promised cake!’

‘You have to forgive him, cub, he had to move out without having his three-course breakfast earlier, he might have a little bit of a low blood sugar.’

‘You don’t say,’ she grinned and let her mother kiss her cheek, ‘In that case, the table is set and awaiting your all. Also, I’m glad to celebrate with you stupid people. Just a few minutes ago, I thought I had lost my Mum. So please, sit down and eat, you just saved New York on my birthday.’

Steve steered a grumpy Bucky towards the table. She had moved it in front of the window façade soon after her parents had left. There was no way they would let it slide on any other day. In fact, she saw the way her mother eyed the heavy table suspiciously, how her father rolled his eyes at her and how Tony smirked, knowing full well what had changed about the apartment he had designed.

‘You used your powers to get this table over here,’ Steve scratched his head and frowned, ‘I thought you promised not to do that anymore!’

‘Leave the cub alone,’ Bucky grumbled and pulled him onto a chair next to him, ‘I’m starving, so let’s eat. You can reprimand her later. Although, just pointing out, you were the first to break all promises and do stupider things than teleporting a table so that she could have a nice view for her birthday dinner.’

Tony barked out a laugh and flopped down in the chair at the head of the table. She rolled her eyes at him for it, but didn’t complain. No one got Tony out of the spot he chose for himself.

Once everybody sat and Bucky had inhaled his first portion, her parents handed around the pot of goulash, the only food everybody liked that could be made in big quantities without huge efforts. She felt her skin hum across her bones, the anticipation had her vibrating in her chair.

Other teens turning eighteen may have wished for a car, books or cinema tickets. She could wish for only one thing, nothing else came to her mind when she thought about it. From the moment she had zapped out of her cot and into the pantry for the first time, she had thought about it, supported by the first time she had seen her parents in action.

Ever since then, she had wanted to join them. She wanted to be there. She wanted to help. After all, her parents risked their life for something more important than Sunday afternoon coffees and cheesecakes. With great power comes great responsibility, as Peter always said. He and Wanda were out there, why not join them? She had asked her parents exactly that, receiving the same unsatisfying answer for years.

‘Wait until you’re eighteen.’

Everyone at the table knew about what Natasha and Clint had promised their daughter. Bruce and Tony were still against it. Peter had jumped at the possibility not to be the only one under twenty on the team. Thor, Steve and Bucky had opted for the third and insisted on training her to the best extend they could manage, preparing her for whatever she might face out in the open. Her parents may not have approved, but they eventually saw the positive aspects in their daughter being able to defend herself.

‘Are we going to address the elephant in the room, or what?’ Bucky looked up from his plate and cleared his throat, ‘She is turning eighteen today, after all. You cannot ignore that forever.’

‘We aren’t,’ her mother cleared her throat, ‘you haven’t gone soft on her, have you, Barnes? We were going to keep her on edge, slowly roast her until she caves in.’

‘Nat wanted her to beg for our approval,’ her father gave her the side-eye, ‘Your room, sweetheart. Take the shortcut.’

She squealed, jumped off her seat and zapped into her room. She could still hear everything that went on in the main room, Tony was wondering whether they thought it was good idea to do before dessert, Bucky told him to shut up and enjoy the peace while it lasted. She couldn’t care less, there, on her bed, lay a suit. Not any old suit, something seemingly made out of dark teal-coloured material, almost the same colour as her hair. She changed into it just to find that it fit her perfectly. It had loops at the belt and pockets down her legs, providing exactly the right space for knives and the devices she had developed with Tony, they had called them fangs.

‘Are you done?’ Her father leaned in the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, ‘We want to see how it turned out, Tony worked on it without your actual measurements.’

She zapped back into the main room, acknowledging the way that material remained close to her body, not flopping around like her clothes tended to do in the process. No sooner than she had materialized again, everyone around the table started to clap.

‘A fearsome warrior has emerged!’ Thor stood, grinning and overjoyed to see her again, ‘Our enemies will shake and tremble in front of you, little cub.’

‘Wow, you look…awesome!’

The next pat on the back came from Bucky, who simply smiled and raised an eyebrow, ‘You’re sparring with me tomorrow. We’ll have you get used to the suit and its behaviour in combat.’

‘Can we bring Steve along?’ She sat back down to be prodded at by Tony.

‘Please do, but keep the suit out of trouble,’ Tony instructed, ‘I just finished it, inter-dimensional pressure withholding Spandex included. You can thank me later, but it should withstand your jumps without a problem. If not…well, I certainly hope we never find out what happens if it doesn’t work. Your mother would kill me with pleasure if I mucked this up. Speaking of which, the suit is reinforced, bullet- and waterproof and has enough pockets to hold any souvenir or lipstick you bring along.’

‘Thank you! It fits perfectly,’ she got up again to get the cake out of the fridge, ‘Anyone for cake?’

She handed out plates and forks before cutting the cake into slices. There was not much left after everybody had one but the gesture was more important anyway. Tony kept complaining about the way his face was distorted on edible paper but was shut up by Bucky biting his head of the decoration, which had Tony let out a shocked gasp.

‘Buck, no teasing,’ Steve grinned and offered his part of the sugary decorations to Bruce, ‘This is Tiger’s day.’

‘Speaking of which,’ Peter chipped in, ‘has anyone thought of an alias for her?’

They exchanged looks. For a moment, no one said a word. The gathering exchanged looks. Then, Tony perked up and raised his hand.

‘Spiderhawk, to commemorate her parentage,’ He grabbed the remaining piece of cake from Bruce’s plate.

‘Sounds over the top,’ Wanda sighed, ‘Spiderling?’

‘Hey!’ Peter perked up from his phone, ‘That’s a call too close to home.’

‘Maybe something hinting at her abilities?’

‘Jumping-Jack?’

‘Yo-Yo?’

‘What’s wrong with something that doesn’t distort her name, huh?’ Bucky leaned back in his chair and fumbled with his scrunchie to gather his hair in a ponytail, ‘Call her Tigress. Even Tiger Cub would be acceptable, I guess.’

‘Stop forcing it, icicle,’ Tony pouted, ‘You are going to call her Cub, no matter what we suggest, won’t you?’

Bucky shrugged, one arm behind the back rest of Steve’s chair, grinning wolfishly, ‘I’m just saying, why call her anything but what we call her anyway? We all know that Nat chose Tiger for her name because she bit Clint the day she got here, and she’s been biting through everything ever since. ’

‘He was creeping me out,’ she defended herself, sticking her tongue out at her father, ‘I didn’t know what else to do.’

No one mentioned her past, the experiments on her DNA that had left her with powers, the panic she had caused when she had zapped out of her nursery for the first time or how her father had found her in the air vents a few hours later. She had demolished his secret stashes of cookies before he got her out of the narrow pipes. No one said anything but how much of a gift she had been, to Clint and Natasha, to the Avengers family, and as of late, to Peter whenever he was freaking out about being part of a group like the Avengers without having graduated from High School yet. Zapping him onto the top of the Chrysler Building only to swing back to Avengers Tower with his webs had caused an uproar on the news and one week grounding for her, but it had helped Peter. Their attempts of denying their involvement had been ruined by his Spiderman suit and her distinct green hair, the side effect of Hydra experiments on a toddler.

Now, at eighteen years of age, the whole world of Superhero work, every opportunity of helping, saving, living her life, lay before her. She could use the powers given to her to make her a weapon for good. She could chose to fight, fight back and save lives. She had found a loving family and a group of friends who would never leave her side; no matter what hardships lay ahead. She was saved in their hearts, every single one of them would do whatever it took to make her feel good, welcome, accepted.

Because family was so much more than blood.

[heavenbarnes]

What are we waiting for?

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings/Contains: kinda phone sex, ben wa balls and kegel exercises, slight wanda x reader in a platonic but slightly gay way, general awkwardness, dirty talk, vaginal sex, stripping, i think that’s all?

Word Count: 3762

i never know what half the shit i write even means, but here it is, it’s here and it’s happening, think of it what you will #godbless

“Wanda, have you ever been to an actual sleepover before?” You asked, shifting back on your bed. “Like ever in your life?”

She giggled as she opened the little white box in front of her. “Of course I have, I’ve just always wanted to try this and you’re the only person I trust.”

Wanda was your ultimate, ride or die, best friend and you would quite literally die for her. For some reason, since the whole Avengers thing forced you both into meeting, you couldn’t keep away from each other. You got along relatively well with everybody, but something about you and Wanda just clicked.

“Yeah but isn’t doing kegel exercises together just a little bit extra?” You watched her free the two little balls from the package and you stifled a super childish giggle.

“We’re not doing them together, you’re doing them and I’m helping.” She said, eyes not lifting from the instructions.

“This is so gay, Wanda!” 

“Yeah well, it’s not like I haven’t seen your vagina before!”

“We don’t talk about the waxing event.”

She chuckles at the memory and pulls at the leg of your sweatpants. “Haven’t you always wanted the world’s strongest pelvic floor?”

You think about it for a moment, chewing on your lip as you thought.

“I did hear that it prevents bladder leakage.”

“And heightens the intensity of your orgasms!”

“Sold, put it in me.”

So there were definitely rumors floating around your friends that you and Wanda were a little more than friends. They weren’t that true. Sure she’d been nearly neck deep in your bits and pieces a couple times (and you hers) but that was just the nature of the friendship. You both trusted each other to the fullest extent. But yeah, things often got gay.

So you were totally on your bed, wearing only a big t-shirt, clenching your vagina muscles around these two little jade balls as you tried not to distract yourself.

“Wanda! Stop making me giggle! I don’t want to drop these!”

“Sorry, it’s your face! You look so focused!”

In the midst of it all your attention was drawn to the phone ringing on your bedside table. You motioned to it and Wanda leaned over to check who was interrupting the “workout” session. Suddenly her eyes widened and she giggled in excitement.

“Oh shit, it’s him.” She looked at you with a face of pure mischief.

“No, no, no!” You cried, reaching for your phone. “Why does he have to call now!”

True to best friend code, Wanda was the only person that knew who you were crushing on. You told her as soon as you got the feelings and she was so good at teasing you about him, especially when he was around. 

“Answer it, it’s obviously important considering he’s calling at 9:48pm!”

“But I’m doing this!” You gestured towards your crotch. “I can’t talk to him when I’m focusing on tightening my vag!”

She gave you the dirtiest grin before pressing the “accept” button at the bottom of the screen. Your mouth dropped open as his voice filled the room, thanks to the speaker button that was also pressed in the event.

“(Y/N), took a bit to pick up!”

“Sorry, Bucky! I didn’t hear my phone ringing!” You lied to the man that always seemed to be on your mind.

“Ah, I’ll forgive you.” You could hear him chuckle through the phone. “What are you up to?”

You were about to lie again and give him a simple “nothing much, you?” but Wanda beat you to it.

“She’s doing kegel exercises!” She yelled, loud enough for everyone to hear. Loud enough for deaf Mrs. Desario down the street to hear.

“What? Who was that?” Bucky sounded confused, and you didn’t blame him, you were in the middle of it all and you were confused.

“Sorry!” You said, picking up your phone and taking it off speaker. “That was Wanda, we’re having a sleepover.”

“Oh okay, what are kegel exercises?”

He had to ask the question.

“Um, they’re uh, they’re exercises.”

“I figured, what kind?” He laughed at your vague answer.

Wanda caught on to what Bucky may have been querying. “They strengthen the vagina!” She called out, causing you to flip her the bird and mouth a “fuck you!”

He went quiet for a moment, but in that setting it felt like a lifetime. Good old Wanda, ruining your chances for your crush to think you’re normal.

“And why are you strengthening it?” He asked, staying very professional under the circumstances. 

“It was Wanda’s idea, it helps with bladder stuff and also heightens the intensity of an orgasm!” You blurted out, already nervous about talking to Bucky, let alone be talking about your bits.

“Oh, that is a plus.” You could practically hear him smirking, which did nothing to help the heat spreading across your cheeks and neck.

Wanda had her ear pressed right next to your phone, trying to hear what he was saying.

“Flirt with him!” She mouthed, jabbing your thigh with her elbow.

You let all reserves down and decided to go big. You were talking to your crush, about your vagina. There was no going back now.

“Oh yeah, I’m going to have the tightest pussy you have ever seen.”

Wanda’s mouth dropped right open and she had the proudest expression. She’d be trying for ages to get you to flirt with him in someway. Who knew all that was needed was a couple Ben Wa balls and a poorly timed phone call.

“Does that mean you’re going to let me see it after?”

Now neither Wanda, nor yourself were expecting that reaction. She covered her mouth with her hands and tried hard to suppress the squeals. You girls were definitely young girls, still getting dizzy over boys.

“Oh I just might let you test it out, Sergeant.” You did your best to put on a sultry voice and tried to make sure it didn’t sound like you had indigestion.

Wanda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You are so sexy!” She mouthed, moving close to hear his response.

“I’m looking forward to it. What are you doing tomorrow?” You could hear him shifting around in the background of the conversation. 

You had an image in your mind of him sitting on his couch, wearing only sweatpants. He had his thighs parted, flesh arm pressing the phone to his ear, metal arm stretched along the back of his couch. Head lolling back at the thought of your sex. Hard cock pressing against the material of his pants, eager to be released once he hung up.

“Nothing at this stage.” Your voice trailed off, trying to sound nonchalant but on the inside you had a whole fireworks display going on.

“Good, I’ll be round.” He let out a long breath. “Now go get that pretty pussy nice and tight for me.”

You lost any kind of hold on yourself you may have had and instead of answering you just let out a whimper which traveled right down the line and to Bucky. Wanda desperately tried to silence a gasp from herself.

“Goodnight girls.” Bucky chuckled at the effect he had on you before hanging up.

You threw your phone across the bed and flopped down onto the mattress, Wanda following suit. You both lay there in silence, mind raking over everything that just happened in the past few minutes.

“He just said that.” She finally spoke.

“Yeah, yeah he did.” You eyes stayed glued to the ceiling, not quite believing what you’d just started.

“And I’m proud of you, you know, for just being really sexy.” Wanda rolled over so she lay next to you. “You somehow managed to turn major embarrassment into your crush wanted to get in your newly toned vagina.”

You slowly turned your head to your best friend. “Well I better get back to it, he’s expecting some good pussy and I’ve barely even scratched the surface.”

Waking up the next morning you turned at looked at Wanda, the events of last night coming flooding back to you. 

“We need to get you showered, fed, and looking hot for his arrival.” Your best friend pulled you out of bed and out into your bathroom.

“He didn’t even give me a definite time, he could be here at any point!” You cried out, pulling your clothes off as Wanda turned the shower on.

“It’s fine, everything is fine! Get washed and I’ll make breakfast.”

What you didn’t see whilst you were soaping up your entire body was Wanda with her hands on your phone. 

Me: “And what time are you thinking of showing at?”

She turned the stove on and rustled around your fridge looking for eggs and sausage and God knows what else. Her eyes lit up at the sound of your phone buzzing on the kitchen island.

Buck-Nasty: “it’s entirely up to you, name your time and i’ll be there.”

Wanda looked at the clock, 8:22am, she tapped her fingernails against the counter. 

Me: “How does 10 sound?”

One hand on the handle of the frying pan and the other holding your phone, she suddenly heard the sound of the shower shutting off. Panicking she locked your phone and left it on the counter, getting back to her cooking.

You emerged from the steamy bathroom with wet hair trailing down your back and a towel securely around your body. Joining your best friend in the kitchen you stuck your leg up on the counter, making her do the obligatory “feel how smooth my leg is” routine.

Just as she was telling you how you smelt exactly like blueberries, your phone buzzed on the counter. Wanda’s body stiffened and you just looked at it quizzically.

Buck-Nasty: “I’ll see you then, looking forward”

“Wanda! You’ve got to stop pretending to be me!” You hollered, scrolling back through the messages to make sure she hadn’t sold your soul away whilst she was at it.

“Hey it’s all ok! I’ve just made a time so we can be prepared!”

You rolled your eyes and looked up at her, knowing what she did wasn’t that bad. You groaned loudly and slumped down into a stool at your kitchen bench. She pushed a warm plate across the table towards you.

“Now hurry up and eat! We’ve got to get you looking cute before 10!”

You stood in front of the mirror, looking yourself up and down as Wanda grinned from her position on your bed. The casual but sexy look was actually kind of perfect, with a cute little bralette under a baggy t-shirt. You showed just enough shoulder and the leggings were a plus for showing off your great ass.

“I don’t look too bad actually.” You gave yourself a half-hearted compliment as Wanda moved to start packing her things up, getting ready to leave as Bucky should arrive any minute. 

“You look great, I would have my way with you.” She winked behind you, her reflection in the mirror showed her wiggling eyebrows.

“Another time, now you need to leave before he gets here.”

“Yes I do! Have fun, use protection and be as sexy as you can.” She kissed your cheek and had her hand on the doorknob, giving you one last look over.

“I’ll try, see you!”

Once you were alone in your apartment you couldn’t help but pace back and fourth as you thought about what was to come. There was a good chance you’d fuck this up, say something stupid or not say enough. There was a chance that he would be turned off by how nervous you were. What if he was just joking about it all?

The knock at the door shook you back into reality and you gingerly stepped to open it and be confronted with the man on the other side. When you finally found the courage to face him, you were glad you did.

Sweatpants, a loose t-shirt and a cap. He looked perfectly undone and you had to remind yourself to close your mouth. How in God’s name could somebody look that good without even trying? If you donned that outfit you’d look like a tragic undercover cop.

“Good morning, doll.”

“Good morning.” 

You silently praised yourself for getting your voice to be so breathy and sweet. Bucky seemed to notice too as he gave you a toothy smile and made his way into your house. You stepped aside and let him in, not really being able to comprehend any of what was happening.

“I hope you’re not nervous about anything.” He started, tilting his cap back slightly. “Because if you’ve slept on things and changed your mind, I will totally understand.”

You snapped back into reality at his comment and shut your door a little too harshly making yourself jump. Major sexy points. Does she frighten herself by closing a door? Check, she’s good to bone.

“No, my God!” You exclaimed. “I have slept on it and it’s only made me want you more. I’ve been waiting for one of us to make a move since I met you.”

His eyes floated up from the floor and fixed on your own. It soon dawned on you how fucking desperate you just sounded in that moment. Luckily Bucky found the sexy side of it.

“Then what are we waiting for?” It all happened very quickly after he said that. In two steps across the hardwood floor he was right in front of you and latching his hands under your thighs, lifting you and securing your legs around his waist.

You found the courage to take initiative from there and molded your lips with his. His mouth tasted of coffee and his favorite honey cereal. He also smelled of his signature cologne and all you could think of was how nice it would be to have that smell soaked into your sheets.

“Sorry to ruin the moment but you smell so good.” You blurted out, you figured he ought to know because it was one of the only things running through your mind.

He chuckled against your mouth, right hand squeezing your butt cheek lightly.

“Thank you, Princess.” He said before kissing you again. 

You were glad he was so collected cause there was always a good chance you were going to be awkward as all hell during this adventure. You were usually very witty and well collected but as soon as you added Bucky into the equation? Verbal Chernobyl.

He carried you across your living room and you could tell he was actively searching for your bedroom, considering he had only been to your place once and the only room he got to was your bathroom. You were moments away from detaching your lips and giving him directions but you heard him mumble a “fuck it” and he sat on your couch with you still in his lap.

“So how did your late night work out session go?”

“I’m not entirely sure, I might have to get you to find out.”

He smirked up at you, sliding his hands up and under your shirt. His thumbs rubbed the skin on your sides as he admired you for a quick moment. For the first time in your life, it wasn’t awkward. He truly was just admiring what God had put in front of him. Thanks God.

“Why don’t you take these off for me and we’ll find out.” He fingered at the waistband of your leggings. Stretching the “IVY PARK” lettering until you stood up in front of him.

You hadn’t intended to be as sexy as you were, it kind of just came naturally? You slid your thumbs under the waistband and pulled it out, shimmying your hips as you slid the tight material down your legs. Bucky had his eyes firmly fixed on you, watching your every move right in front of him.

You flickered your eyes up to meet his gaze and saw him with his right hand massaging himself through his sweatpants. You decided to play it dirty and you spun around, bending forward and making sure your whole backside was on display. You slowly sent your panties cascading down your legs before straightening up as you heard Bucky’s sharp groan.

You turned yourself back around and returned to your seat on his lap. You bare core was no pressed against the small amount of material keeping you from his cock and you were both well aware of how close things were getting.

“I’ve been waiting for you to make some kind of move since the moment I met you, (Y/N).” Bucky whispered, lips lightly pressing against your neck as he shuffled to get his pants around his thighs.

“And why couldn’t you have done it first?” You questioned, a moan accidentally slipping out as you felt his breath so close to your skin.

“Because you’re very hard to read and I didn’t want you breaking my good arm for overstepping boundaries.”

You captured the sides of his face in your hands and tilted his head to look up and you, knocking his hat off of the back of his head.

“When it comes to you and me, let there be no boundaries.” You didn’t even realise you’d hushed your voice to a whisper. “I’m all yours.”

He immediately dove forward and reconnected your lips, metal fingers slipping from your waist to your clit and pressing a cold digit to the sensitive skin.

Your head went back and a squeal came out, the sensation of the metal just driving you wild. His other hand was frantically trying to get his boxers down to meet his sweatpants, his cock was freed and was in immediate view. He was rock solid and it sort of shocked you to realise you had that power. You, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) had successfully got Bucky Barnes so riled up that he was struggling to get his pants off.

“The serum really does make everything bigger.” You thought aloud, taking his length in your dominant hand and running the expanse of it. 

“It also does wonders for the stamina.” His shaky voice circled your ears as he kept his eyes fixed on the contact. He couldn’t believe he finally got this girl all to himself.

“Well we will just have to test that out too then, won’t we?”

“There are a lot of things I’ve been wanting to do to you.”

“Can’t wait for you to enlighten me, Bucky.”

You gave him a lust filled smile as you rose onto your knees and positioned him right at your entrance. His lips came to your collarbone and sucked a deep bruise into the untouched skin as you sunk down onto his length, not stopping till he was hip deep.

You both let out unstable breaths, both trying to comprehend the idea of having sex with their crushes.

“Fuck you’re so tight, must have a great workout regime.”

“Yeah the best, I’ll show you it some time.”

You rose up and came back down with a moan. The feeling of him literally stretching you out was making your eyes water but at the same time it was the greatest thing you had ever felt, you wore more than human.

His hands went around to your ass and slowly massaged the skin, picking up pace as you did the same. Soon you found yourself bouncing in his lap as he rubbed the soft skin above your thighs. His right hand left for a moment only to come back and deliver a harsh slap.

“You look so good riding my cock, do you know how pretty you look?”

“Tell me, Bucky.”

“You look as pretty as a peach, I could just eat you up.”

“I’ll have to hold you to that.”

Your words were coming out between breaths, breaths that you could barely catch as you had an overload of emotions going on right now. The hot feeling in your stomach of Bucky well and truly filling you to your expanse. The over all feeling in your brain of ‘this cant be real, how did I manage this?’ The feeling of both his hands running along his skin.

“I’ve masturbated to what this must’ve felt like but honestly, this is way better than anything I could’ve come up with.” You blurted out. In any other circumstance you would’ve smacked yourself in the head for just rambling something stupid but your brain was in no place to make sense.

Bucky moaned from deep within his chest and tightened his grip on you. He pulled you forward and careered his hips up to meet you, directly hitting your g-spot and making you cry out.

“You never told me you masturbated to the thought of me fucking you?”

“Oh constantly, nothing makes me come harder than you do.”

“So I’ve got a lot to live up to?”

“If you keep going how you are now, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

You began to clench yourself around his length, feeling that familiar wave of heat rising within you and beginning to reach its peak.

“Bucky, I’m going to come!” You screwed your eyes shut, hands gripping his shoulders. “Harder, please fuck me harder!”

He gripped onto your for dare life and sent you down into his lap harder than before. You couldn’t help the incoherent babbling that was slipping past your lips as you felt yourself coming for him. You could feel the wetness slipping down your inner thighs, he had really given it to you.

He slipped his arms around your waist as your body started to go limp against his. He pounded into you, quickly finding his way to his own release.

“Where do you want it, tell me quick!” He groaned out, using every ounce of self control he had.

“Here!’ You said quickly, moving back and lifting your shirt up.

Bucky pulled out of you and stroked himself rapidly, one hand still holding your waist and the other moving at lightening speed to finish himself off.

He came with sputters of your name as he released onto your stomach, panting with a wide open mouth.

You both sat there for a moment, just trying to collect your thoughts about what really just went on.

After a hot minute you spoke up, deciding to make the first move again.

“I hope you realise I’m nowhere near done with you.” Bucky lifted his head and looked to you with a smile.

“Oh honey, I would never dream this was over.”

[hellomissmabel]

Bye Bye Brooklyn Boys (12) - version 2

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: A tad of angst? Mentions of sexual activity.

Word count: 2.602

Summary: Memories

Inspired by “This is the first thing” by my favourite band You Me At Six. I still cannot believe I actually got to meet them!

September, October, November , December,

January , February, March,  April

May, June, July

August (1)

Come a little closer As the night gets older Of you I grow fonder Just let my hands wander

Dean slowly pulls out of me, his sweat-slicked body creating a shy glow as he’s trailing feverish open-mouthed kisses along my jawline and down to my collarbone.

“Birthday sex is the best kind of sex,” you sigh against his lips, tilting his chin so he’s just out of reach before he continues his quest down the valley of your breasts and your bare torso.

“I’m going to miss you babe,” he purrs a little, the warmth of his body heightened due to your extraneous activities.

“Then don’t go on that hunting trip with your brother,” you hum as his teeth graze lightly over your perky nipples, extracting a low moan from the back of your throat, Dean’s dick twitching underneath the sheets.

Pushing Dean aside, I make my way towards the bathroom to clean myself up a little first before going for a possible round two. I call out his name, coaxing him out of the bed as well so can get himself a new pair of boxers but as soon as I peek around the corner, his sleeping and snoring form is adorable wrapped around our pillows. Finishing up and perfecting my bedhead, I climb in the bed next to him. A small smile plays on his lips and I inhale deeply, his worn-off cologne lingering still on my entire body.

I let out a soft laugh as he mumbles in his early slumber. “No kiss goodnight?”

“I can think of something better,” I say, tone teasing, fingertips skimming his velvety skin. Reaching for his hand underneath the covers, squeezing it gently as I kiss up his neck and across his cheek. Soon enough his eyes are open wide and his lips hovering over mine, passion not far away.

Dean places his hands on my hips, steadying me on top of him until I’m straddling his lap. “I love you”, he smiles up at me.

Running my nose down his jaw, he growls into my skin, pressing his growing member into my inner thigh. He’s just as rock hard as before. “Dean,” I whimper seductively, wantonly.

He nestles his head on top of my before pressing a chaste peck to my hair. “Y/N,” he moans when I shift a little to get at least some kind of friction. “I am too tired and so are you.”

“I’m not tired anymore,” I giggle when the tip of my nose collides with his.

“Is that so?,” he questions with a cocked eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips before you deliver him with your absolution sliding your wet heat across his length.

“Shit,” he hisses as his forehead bumps into your shoulder, chest heaving with restraint.

You allow your eyes to dance across his features before retreating, falling down next to him with a satisfied grin. “I made up my mind,” you tease relentlessly, “I’m exhausted.”

His lips are on yours before you can speak further, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. Tenderly you suck his tongue into your mouth, using his body as a focal point. You are his treasure map and each time you make love, he crosses off another spot he discovered, another spot he ravished with his godlike body. He rolls his hips against yours and instinctively you answer by lacing your legs around his waist.

“Now now, darling,” he growls ferally, hips bucking slightly as he presses into your cunt, his pelvis rubbing against your still sensitive skin. “You started it, now let me finish it. Let me finish you.”

This is the first thing I thought This is the last thing that I want You were the first one I loved You were the first love I lost

The house feels empty without your man. Dean left right after breakfast, his brother picking him up with a big, goofy smile plastered on his adorable face. You really like Sam and the connection he shares with his brother.

But days like these, where there’s no one around and nothing to do with sit and wait, you find yourself rummaging through your closet for the souvenir box you keep on the bottom shelf. “There it is,” you whisper contentedly when your fingertips touch its wooden surface.

There’s not much inside, just a couple old pictures of you and your parents and the diary you used to keep in your bedside table during high school. But there’s a third item in there as well, one you reach out to instantly. It’s just a simple keychain, but it used to belong to Bucky. Your mind often wanders back to Bucky and how stupid you feel that you let him worm his way back into your thoughts like this. Nevertheless, you regret your decision of never forgiving him for his mistakes. He tossed away his second and his third chance, no longer worthy of your forgiveness. Yet you can’t bring yourself to forgive yourself as well.

You put the box back where you found it and make your way to the living room, attempting to catch up on some of your favourite TV shows but failing when the doorbell suddenly rings.

“Hello. I have a package for Y/N?,” the blond man informs you as you slide open the front door. “It was originally delivered at your old address but the woman was so kind to give me your new one. Sorry about the delay.”

He gingerly hands you the cardboard box as if it’s the most fragile thing in the entire world. You thank him with a polite smile and a small nod, slowly closing the door behind you as you study the information scribbled on the ticket on the top of the box. It had been sent to your old address, just like the mailman had said, approximately one week ago.

Sitting cross-legged on the sofa, you tear it open and gasp once it reveals its contents. There are so many letters inside! Carding your hands through the envelopes, your fingers come across the familiar handwriting you spent countless hours trying to decipher at University. Amongst all the pristine white there’s one red envelope that stands out, also signed 7 days ago.

You tentatively remove the letter from the envelope and start reading it out loud, fighting the silence that threatens to deafen you and swallow you whole.

“My dear, sweet Y/N,

My love, you’re so far away.

I hope you received my surprise in time and I trust that by now you might’ve already figured out that I wrote all these letters with the intention of sending them to you, but that I could never muster up the courage to do so, given what happened a year ago. But somehow I found my confidence again and decided to send them anyway. No harm done in trying, right?

I have written you every single day for the past 12 months, keeping you up to date on the ups and downs of my life in Wakanda. For me it’s some kind of coping mechanism, writing to you. It makes me feel like you’re still in my life, still my best girl and waiting for me back in Brooklyn.

I miss you so much, Y/N, and I love you so much. I apologised to Nat and Clint before I left. I made amends with everybody I’ve done wrong. I guess I just have to fix what’s broken between the two of us, the trust that I broke when I hurt you.

I never meant to cause you any hurt, doll. I’m just not used to someone loving me the way you did. But that doesn’t exonerate me from my sins and I perfectly understand if you never want to see me again. I understand that you might never read this because you threw it all out with the trash.

But darling, the distance is simply too much to bear. I want to be near you, I want to love you and caress you. I want to be the man you wake up next to, the guy that makes you smile and cry tears of happiness. I need you to know that my soul is yours, my heart is yours, my body and my mind, it’s all yours.

You are my sanity, my anchor. So let me be true to you, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved, not the love you chose to settle for. I’m coming back to you soon, sweetheart.

Yours forever and always,

James”

Little droplets cause the ink to run out, spreading across the entire page as you toss it away before attacking the stack of paper in your lap, picking up a random letter and devouring it with all that you are. You read every single letter, not stopping until you’re finished and laying on the ground, rocking back and forth whilst crying your heart out.

You left it too late To change the way I think I'll never say never again Those words will never ever pass my lips

The drive over to Bucky’s new place is tantalisingly long. You didn’t take much time to change or make yourself more presentable, just jumped into your skinny black jeans and favourite t-shirt, not even bothering to switch shoes and hailing a cab in your slippers. You albeit throw the money at the driver before stepping out and wrapping your arms around your shaking body. You’re not cold, it’s the midst of summer after all. You’re shaking because you left Dean’s home in a hurry trying to figure out whether or not you should take your old lover back.

A sentence from one of the letters comes to mind, standing out immediately in a stark contrast against the countless other love letters Bucky has written you over the course of many, too many days.

“You used to be an island to me, so beautiful, so exotic and yet so remote. I always thought I would never be good enough for you, that I was just another sailor failing to get ashore. But now I know that it was me who had been the island, creating more distance where there was none. And you, my love, were the sailor looking for the old, forgotten treasure that is my heart. You loved me once and I hope you can find it in your heart to love me still.”

He always ended with “Yours forever and always, James”.

You ring the buzzer and as its sound kills the time, it also inflates your nerves. What if he doesn’t answer? No, Wanda assured you he’d be home. What if someone else, another woman opens the door? No, otherwise he wouldn’t have begged you to come see him. All these what ifs eat away at you that you don’t even notice a set of the brightest blue eyes falling on your insecure frame, locking eyes with the ground below.

“I didn’t know you’d show up. I mean, I didn’t know for sure,” his soft voice sings lightly, causing your head to snap up and your eyes to hover over his baby blues. “I hoped you would. I even prayed.”

Time has not been unkind to him, his five o’clock shadow making way for a more younger appeal of his clean-shaven jaw. “Bucky,” you heave out with your last breath. “I want to be stronger. I want to be stronger and resist you. But I also don’t want to be worlds apart from you. I can’t do this any longer, I can’t string myself along like this.”

“Doll,” he shushes, taking you into his arms. Melting into his embrace, you release the tears you’ve been holding up. Bucky allows you to crawl deeper underneath his skin, not for a second daring to break the electric current conjoining your bodies.

“I love Dean, I really do. But he’s just another Steve, I am not in love with him,” you cry quietly, your voice wavering with every loud sob whilst an ugly frown disturbing your skin. His eyes never leave yours, his tone not budging an inch as he dedicates every single word that leaves his lips to you.

“I am here, you are here. We are both here. I just want to be yours, if you let me.”

“Please just kiss me,” you beg him, softly grabbing him by the collar as you gauge his reaction. Bucky chuckles, connecting your lips to his in a breathy laugh. Bucky takes control of the kiss and you don’t have to do anything but follow his lead. It’s effortlessly, falling in line with the movements of his body.

He’s positively glowing now he’s got you back in his arms. “I know I’m not supposed to say this, but you’re better off without me, Y/N. You deserve a better man than I will ever be.”

“No,” you reply resolutely, “I’m broken, Bucky,” you explain to him. “I am broken and I tried to put all my pieces back together alone. When that didn’t work, I found someone who was willing to do it for me and along the way I lost pieces of my puzzle, never finding them back again.

So I filled up the blank spaces with other people’s pieces, not realising that when I took a piece of them they lost a piece of their own puzzle as well. I put people through the same misery that I put myself through and I tried to give it all back but failed. It seems like you’re the only one that has the pieces that fit just right since somehow I always seem to find my way back to you.”

This is the first thing I thought This is the last thing that I want You were the first one I loved You were the first love I lost

“You brought me down to my knees,” he blurts out, cupping your face in his hands as the dark of night behind his blue eyes drowns in your flood of tears. “You are the only woman for me. I want you to hear this loud and clear. You,” he takes a deep breath, “You are what matters most to me, you always have.”

Bucky’s tired, you can see it in every breath he takes, the smile on his face wavering slightly with the pressure of insomnia weighing down on him. Bucky is the Atlas of your existence, the soldier fighting a lonely war against his own insecurities. But he doesn’t have to do it alone anymore, he no longer has to trip over the wires of other people’s lives intertwining while he remains isolated.

“And you are the only man for me, Buck.”

He sends you a worn-out smile, beaming with happiness yet weary of the grabby hands of fate waiting to drag you away from him again. You wonder how you could have ever missed it, the haunting look in his eyes whenever he had a sleepless night or the devastating depths of the hole he’s dug for himself. Your lips are on fire as soon as they soothe the corners of his mouth, lifting as he laughs into the kiss.

“Why don’t you call me James anymore?” he exhales slowly when you break apart, his hand rubbing your arms reassuringly and his gaze set on your in a soft comfort. Pressing your lips against his one more time, tasting the sweet innocence of your reunion on the tip of his tongue, you reply without hesitation, wrinkles forming at your elated eyes.

“Because I’m yours now.”

Part 13: the letters

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