#in the middle of our living room at 9 am

[bookinit02]

realizing i do this thing that i really really hate which is when i’m originally super excited about something but the default reaction is something negative i’ll eventually just start spouting off a million disclaimers every time i bring it up. like yeah i’m majoring in creative writing haha don’t worry i know i’m never gonna make any money haha i’m definitely going to just get a practical job and publish on the side maybe if i’m lucky!! like NO bitch have some confidence in yourself😭😭 goddamn i’m such a pushover

[its-all-stardust]

Sugar || 9

Masterlist || Part Eight

Steven Grant/Sugar Mommy!Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Series Summary: You meet Steven in a museum gift shop and feel an instant connection. Before you walk out the door you decide, perhaps against your better judgment, that you need him to be your sugar baby. Now you just need him to let you treat him right.

Note: this chapter is very late and fairly short. tbh i could have added a lot more, but seeing as it's been 2 months since the last chapter, i wanted to get something out. But I am still working on this fic!! I'm going to finish it i swear, so please please yell at me to get my ass moving!!

When you called the next day, Steven didn’t answer. You waffled about whether to leave a voicemail and ultimately decided not to—not on that call, anyway.

On the second call, later that day, Steven still didn’t answer. That time, you left a message asking if he was feeling better and asking him to please call you back.

He didn’t. There wasn’t even a response when you sent his payment for going with you to the auction, something entirely unlike him.

By the third call, another day later, you were afraid of once again being too much, too needy. Yet you left another message anyway. You tried to keep it professional, not wanting to let on how upset you were.

“Steven, I still haven’t heard from you. I was just checking in. If there’s an issue with our business arrangement, please let me know as soon as possible.”

You wonder if he’s sleepwalking again or whatever disorder is causing him to blackout. Perhaps it’s like that first time, and Steven will come back confused but well and whole. You try to tell yourself that’s what’s happening now, trying to remain positive.

But, of course, the worry still creeps in.

What if he’s lost?

What if he’s hurt?

Should you call someone and report him missing? Is he missing?

There’s a chance you could be taken seriously, but you also know you could be seen as a psycho jilted ex-lover.

You contemplate the merits of hiring a private investigator or going to Steven’s apartment yourself to see if he’s there.

You can’t go in, you don’t have a key, but you could knock. Maybe even ask his neighbors if they know anything.

You simultaneously try to convince yourself that nothing is wrong and something is.

If something has gone wrong, he needs you, and you can’t get to him. If it hasn’t, then he’s purposefully avoiding you for whatever reason.

You remind yourself you shouldn’t feel this way. Shouldn’t feel so attached.

By Sunday evening, you’re a bit of a mess. If you bit your nails, they’d be gone by now. Instead, your anxiety manifested outward. Your apartment is both chaos and order.

You went on a bit of a cleaning spree. Normally, once a month, you hire someone to come deep clean your home, moving furniture and putting in more elbow grease than you typically care to. These last few days, though, you attempted to take matters into your own hands. And while you were already cleaning, you figured you might as well sort through your cabinets, closets and shelves to see if there is anything you no longer feel the need to hold on to.

As a result, the bathrooms and Steven’s bedroom are spotless. The living room and the kitchen have been destroyed. Only your bedroom is untouched, but that’s only because you got distracted after going through the walk-in closet.

You would have kept going until something in you snapped, or everything was back in order if only the hunger pangs weren’t so distracting. It was a blessing in disguise that your nerves never seemed to affect your appetite.

You’re at your kitchen table, barely tasting whatever leftovers you had in the fridge and staring off into the middle distance when your phone rings.

At first, the sound doesn’t register, drowned out by the constant static filling your head the last few days. But then you realize what it is and lunge toward the counter where you left your phone.

Your heart stops when Steven’s name flashes on the screen. You don’t have to think before pressing the phone to your ear a second later.

“Please tell me it’s still Friday,” Steven blurts as soon as you answer. “Or even Saturday, and I got really drunk on champagne last night.”

Relief fills you, but it’s quickly overshadowed by worry.

“Baby, it’s Sunday,” you tell him gently, sinking back into your chair at the table.

“I was afraid you’d say that,” Steven says, dejected.

For the past few days, you had thought, perhaps, that Steven was going to end your relationship. That he no longer wanted to be your sugar baby and didn’t know how to tell you. But his losing time, unable to recall anything during his blackouts, is much more frightening.

“It’s like I’m losing my mind,” Steven continues. “First, I’m losing days, and now Gus regrew a fin.”

That catches your attention. “Gus what?”

You distinctly remember Steven talking about his pet goldfish only having one fin. “Goldfish don’t regrow body parts, Steven.”

“Well, it’s either that or someone broke into my flat, stole Gus, and replaced him with an imposter,” Steven says, his voice bordering on joking and hysterical.

As ridiculous as it sounds…

“You’re sure you don’t remember doing any goldfish shopping?” you ask feebly. Someone replaced Gus after who knows what happened to him, and the most likely culprit would be Steven himself. Not that any attempts at regaining blackout memories have proven fruitful, nor is there an obvious explanation as to why he would do that in the first place.

“Not that, at least,” Steven answers quietly.

“You remember something?” you ask quickly, excited. Whatever it is, it might help you both figure out what’s happening.

“There’s…something alright.” He’s hesitant, like he isn’t sure what to tell you. Perhaps afraid you’ll think him crazy or maybe be disturbed by what he does remember.

“Can I…come over?” Any confidence Steven had around you seems to have been washed away by whatever happened while he was gone. In its place is the same uneasy timidity he had when you first began your relationship when he wasn’t sure what he could and couldn’t do.

“Steven, you never have to ask.”

When he walks through the door, Steven goes straight for your embrace, desperately, it seems, needing your arms around him. He breathes a sigh of relief, melting into you.

You don’t say anything and simply enjoy the feeling of Steven in your arms again. Before, you could survive a few days without him next to you. Now, you can’t imagine letting him out of your sight.

You don’t know when that change happened.

“Do you need anything?” you finally ask, your voice breathless. A mixture of relief and Steven squeezing you a little too tightly—not that you’re complaining.

“Just you,” Steven mumbles, his face buried in your neck. A pleasant heat fills you.

The two of you stand there for a moment longer, tangled up in each other, relishing in the comfort. You want to move to the couch to hold Steven properly but don’t want to be the first to let go. You don’t want Steven to think for even one second that you’re abandoning him in any way.

Steven shifts, lifting his head, and presses his forehead against yours, closing his eyes.

“At least I know you’re real,” he mutters more to himself than to you.

You have no idea what that means. It’s likely a part of what he has to tell you about the last few days.

“What happened?” you ask softly, prompting him.

Finally, Steven stands up straight, his arms loosening around you but not completely letting go.

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Then, with a slight shake of his head, he says, “I don’t even know where to start.”

With your hands on his arm, you lead Steven to the couch. “May I?” you ask, and with Steven’s nod, you continue. “Let’s start with the auction. You seemed fine at first, but something happened to you.”

Steven’s brow furrows in concentration, trying to remember what happened just a few short days ago.

“I remember going. We met your friend, but then…” He shakes his head. “It’s blank. Part of me didn’t feel right, but… I don’t know how to describe it. One second was with you, and the next, I was dreaming or something before waking up in my bed.”

Steven’s eyes widen, apparently realizing something. “Oh God, I didn’t just leave you there, did I?” he quickly asks, eyes searching yours.

“You didn’t,” you assure him. Even though Steven has the right to walk out on your arrangement anytime he wants, aside from your assumptions after the auction, he’s never shown any sign of wanting to do so. “You had me take you home, though. Do you remember that?”

Steven shakes his head. “When did that happen?”

The best place, you decide, is the beginning. Instead of guessing at what Steven doesn’t remember, you replay the whole night for him—even the parts he’s already mentioned himself.

“I thought you didn’t like being there. Maybe you were bored, or the crowd was too much for you. You got so quiet. And then you asked me to take you home.”

“I don’t…feel like myself.”

You weren’t sure what he meant at the time, but now it makes sense that that was when Steven’s memory started going blank.

“I don’t remember that,” Steven says softly. “Did something happen afterward? When did I leave?”

“Leave?” you repeat, slightly confused.

Steven continues, not hearing you. “Did I say where I was going? Or…or did I sleep in the spare room?”

That’s when you realize that Steven didn’t think of his apartment when you said you took him home. He thought you meant yours.

“Steven,” you say, interrupting him before he could keep trying to fill in the blanks himself. “I didn’t bring you back here. You had me take you to your apartment. Something about you needing to be there.”

Steven’s face scrunches up in confusion as if that course of action doesn’t make sense to him. He goes silent, and you let him think.

You want to ask about what he said that night, what it could have meant. What it was about himself he couldn’t tell you.

But you don’t. He didn’t want to talk about it then, and there’s a reason he wouldn’t know what you were talking about if you did.

An eerie feeling washes over you. At the time, you knew something was wrong, but looking back now and realizing that something inside Steven had changed, and he was no longer remembering what he was doing leaves you unsettled.

Whatever is happening to him, you need to help figure it out. The problem is, as far as any doctor could tell, it wasn’t anything physical, nothing that left an outward sign of its presence, leaving you at a loss.

“I followed you in,” you tell Steven, needing to say something about what happened in his apartment. “Pretty sure you didn’t want me to. You kind of…ran, but I needed to know you were okay.”

“Well, now I know something was definitely wrong with me. I would never run from you if I were in my right mind,”  Steven tries to joke, but it comes out weak, without much feeling behind it.

It’s nice to hear nonetheless, especially with how this whole ordeal had left you feeling.

“I didn’t stay long,” you continue, no longer meeting Steven’s eye and instead turning your attention to your still interlocked hands. “It didn’t seem like you wanted me there.”

It was Steven, yet not Steven, sitting awkwardly at the table as you made him tea. Though he didn’t seem to hate you, he was clearly uneasy with you being in his space. Your heart pangs in your chest.

Before you can stop yourself, before you can even think, words spill from your lips.

“And then you wouldn’t answer my calls. Now I know why, but I thought I had done something, and maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steven’s breath catches.

No, no, no, you weren’t supposed to say it like that. You should have practiced the words beforehand.

You lo-like Steven, but your relationship doesn’t have room for that. You’re in this position specifically, so you don’t get caught up in feelings. You don’t want them. They’re messy and complicated and leave you hurt more often than not. You pay people to avoid feelings, and it’s always worked so well.

Until Steven.

It shouldn’t matter if he wants you, whatever that entails. As long as he’s happy to accept your money for his services, you should be content.

The last thing you want is to pressure Steven into anything, which means keeping any and all ill-advised emotions to yourself.

You don’t want this relationship to end; admitting anything is a surefire way of making that happen.

“I thought you didn’t want to be my baby anymore,” you correct. Your first admission is true, but it’s best if Steven thinks this is what you meant, and you can pretend it doesn’t sound just as desperate.

Steven squeezes your hand and doesn’t release the pressure, making you meet his gaze.

“When I woke up, I saw you had called,” he starts, his voice quiet, eyes intently looking into yours. “I was so scared, I didn’t listen to them. I just needed to call you. See you.” He takes a shaky breath. “And…I think I’ve known for a while, really, but I realized something just now.”

Your brow furrows, wondering what he’s thinking.

“I have…so much I still need to tell you, but I think I need to say this now.” He starts talking faster as if he thinks if he doesn’t get the words out quickly enough, they won’t come out at all. Then, in a rush, he says, “I don’t want to be your baby anymore.”

Your heart stops beating, and pain fills your chest.

“I’d rather be your boyfriend.”

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[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We Are Surprised

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. It could all go horribly south, of course. But it’s awesome at the moment. Messy gay and one of them is already pining? Got to love it. Including the negotiation.

I’d love a good sex negotiation, it’s almost as good as linguistic negotiation. This show makes me happy. All that said, it’s moving awfully quickly for a 12 episode run. Not sure what’s gonna happen on the backend. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 eps - I’m still enjoying it but I’m ready for him to die again now. 

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 5-6 of 16 - Toey is going after the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman this year, I see. And in exchange, literally all the rest of the friends are going to be his wingmen. It’s adorable. I also like that Phuwin got to be the aggressor for the first kiss. I like that this is mostly just boys flirting, and not really any prescribed seme/uke stuff. In general, I think these last two episodes I improved the show in my regard a lot. But then middles are always GMMTV's strong point, it’s whether they can stick the landing that’s an issue.

Two Worlds (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Apparently we have the Frodo walking into Mordor episode. Also the sides were cute. In Thailand (like Taiwan) all gangsters are gay, apparently. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - It’s cute but very cringe and dorky. Silly singing. Terrible pickup lines. Still, that was a ridiculously charming confession.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 12fin - Oh so good. Very few shows that feature one-sided long-term pining of this kind can resolve the unevenness of that power dynamic into a more stable and equal footing with such class. We really got to see the object of the desire turn completely around and become equally besotted. An age gap, stepbrothers trope like this one is hard enough but at this length? Very well acted boys! Unknown managed to show the older brother softening in a believable way that’s pretty unusual in narratives of this type.

All in all?

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. It's few flaws are the result of curtailed length. It could have used more breathing room to deal with side plots, characters, and companion character development. The editing was occasionally choppy and packed with flashbacks that broke the emotional tension. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show that I know I'm going to be recommending a lot. 9/10

Finally Taiwan hits another one out of the park.

About.

Damn.

Time.

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) 4 of ? - Oh it’s so good, and they are so tortured and it’s just charming and I can’t EVEN. I just love it. I love that Korea is giving us this right now. You’re an idiot if you’re not watching this show, it’s truly spectacular.

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Well well well Japan. I see how you kneed. I enjoyed this episode better than the first two, and I am way into our Bad Boy second lead. I can already feel myself succumbing  to the syndrome. Next week = the obligatory onsen ep! 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Omg most adorbs failed linguistic negotiation. 

Boys Be Brave AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I love the side couple. It’s a shame we’re finally getting some truly great class conflict and it’s relegated to crumbs.

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 11-12fin - Well that was a waste of time. There was no connection (of any kind) between the leads. The language thing was hella weird and likely added to that. The past history of the Korean character was necessary to know from the start, its lack throughout, meant there was no depth to his character. They tried to tackle all the interesting stuff in the final 2 eps. AND they even killed the dog. I never thought I'd type this sentance, but Peach of Time is better.

I don’t know. 5/10 I guess

All in all:

A disappointing lackluster and barely cohesive BL about a jerk Thai actor (speaking Thai) who has to work for a Korean animal rescue cafe as a publicity stunt. It's difficult to believe the leads like each other, let alone fall in love. The acting is stiff, the characters lack motivation and cohesion, and there's not much to recommend this show beyond some pretty visuals. Also, they kill the dog. All in all, a disappointing and unsuccessful joint venture that mostly highlighted that between Thailand and Korea the style of BL, narrative approach, language cadence, and acting techniques all clash.

It's airing but...

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - it's done, tell me if I should bother?

Fan's Only Corner

Someone asked in a comment (which tumblr promptly ate) about group sleepovers in BLs. It's happened a few times but the only one I can recall being noted and particularly lovely (and VERY college) was in Nitiman. There's also one in Lovesick.

Next Week Looks Like This:

5/16 Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Strongberry doing classic uni BL! Weeee!

5/19 OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead (as it were). But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

LOVE a smile kiss. Love it. Two killer kisses from PondPhuwin. Elegantly done, boys. Thank you very much.

I love them a lot all of a sudden. (All We Are)

It's hard to give MaxTul a run on their crown as best bodies in BL, but boy these two are giving it their, erm, best. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[fianllyclean]

Hey, bestie!

Maria, @taylorsmygirl13 and I both collectively feel like vomitting because we can’t believe that the tour is:

A. ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

B. IT IS ?! SO SOON?!

We have missed you so so so so so much. I think that everyone can collectively agree that when we left our final show on the rep tour that we didn’t think we would go the number of days it has been since we would next see each other. Almost 5 years, one pandemic, 2 degrees, 5 birthdays, 4 records, a bunch of happy times, a bunch of sad times, moving cross country, and new friends later, here we are about to embark on this new journey of tour!!!! I’m collectively just here to say how freaking much I am so thankful to be able to have tickets to the 2 shows that I was able to get. But most importantly that Maria and I are actually living a dream that we talked about for almost a decade. Being at opening Night! We are hecking excited to let all these emotions of the last 5 years out together and share this night with you, T. Maria and I became besties (I mean look at our prom pics in 2016 Lol, because of you.) She has taught me so much and led me toward some of my greatest accomplishments while always encouraging me to constantly keep pushing. I genuinely can’t wait for you to experience her radiant happiness that she emits into any room that she walks into, because every human deserves it. When you realize that she has been there on your side since 2006, at the age of 8 and is now 25. Wow what a journey and special relationship that is. She’s been there for every release day; midnight music video release, traveling hours for tour, spreading your message with her tiny students, and thanks to you, grown into the most successful and beautiful lady I know.

So excited to see you opening weekend at the Glendale shows!!!!

Glendale Night #1: Section C, Row 13, Seat 1.

Glendale Night #2: Section 129, Row 30, Seat 9.

Thank you for giving us a reason to see the desert 🏜️ 🌵, we wouldn’t go the middle of no where for no one else :)

We are so so so so so mega excited to see you and I want nothing more but for you and Maria to squeeze each other and share all these years of memories in conversation.

P.S. Tell Mer and Liv to not worry, I’m bringing Temptations for them and a special “nice to meet you” gift for Benji. 🐱🐈

WE CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU FRIDAY ☘️🇮🇪AND SATURDAY🪩🤠

@taylorswift @taylornation

[jocelynscrazyideas]

Right here? Right now? | Jack Hughes x Reader

Warnings: SMUT!!! Language, breeding kinks, unprotected, alcohol.

Summary: Jack has this incredible idea to have some extra fun at Jesper’s house at a party.

A:N- idk if this has been done, but I thought it was fun!!! Lmk if you’ve seen something similar (sorry)

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

Today is December 31, New Year’s Eve. Jesper decided to throw a party to celebrate with the team. Some of us couldn’t make it, but we did party all night. Most of the couples came, and Nico, Luke, and John came as solos.

“We should hit body shots!” Nico insists, obviously I back away from the conversation. I’m wearing a red lacy thong underneath my black leggings, I have a matching bralette lying in between my skin and Jack’s grey navy hoodie. Not to mention the fact I’m like the most insecure person on the room.

I step back into the couch that sits in Nicole’s and Bratter’s living room. I lay on my back lying flat across a piece of the white couch. “You gonna try?” John walks over to me. He sets his cup of beer onto the coffee table in the middle of the sitting area. He scooches over to me and lets me rest my head on his lap.

“No. I’m really tired.” I announce as I rest my hands and let John play with my hair. “You coming baby?” Jack walks over to us.

“no. I’m exhausted from our day today.” I responded to jacks question.

John and I have known eachother from our days in Pittsburg. I’ve followed him down to Jersey, he’s like a brother to me.

~

If he hurts you, y/n, I’ll make sure he’ll know not to do it again.

~

I mean that’s what John said the first time I told him that Jack and I are going out.

“Please! I want to body shot. I don’t what to do it with Nico, or Luke. Sure as hell not John.” Jack says as he points around the kitchen towards the guys. John picks my head up and walks over to the group of boys.

“Now it’s just you and me.” Jack whined. “You can say it. Just tell me if you don’t want to do it. Just letting you know, it’s gonna look wierd if we don’t do it.” Jack jolts at me. I sit up letting his head resting on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around his back and I lift my legs to cross them over his legs.

I kiss jacks cheek, “well if it makes you happy, I can get up there and do it.” I let go of jacks body and start over to the counter.

I hope ontop of the cold granite and lay flat on my back. Jack walks over and pushes through the crowd and rolls down my leggings. He reveals my belly button and he sets a small lemon ontop of my belly, he pushed my top up until you can see my bra.

Luke hands him a bag of leftover crushed jolly rancher mixed with sour patch kids smashed together. Jack sprinkled a little bit in between my breast. My cleavage slips jacks fingers inside letting him spread a bit. He sets a fireball in my mouth and he backs up, looking at his masterpiece from afar.

The party goes silent as people turn down the music and record. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5-“

The count down starts for the new year! Jack walks up to me. He rolls his sleeves up from his own hoodie and sets his hat down. “-3-2-“

Jack takes the small lemon from my bellybutton and squeezes it into his mouth. He licks my abdomen from any crumbs that spilt on my torso. His warm wet tounge slips between my breasts and he takes all of the candy onto his tounge. The sourness hits him as he clings to me shoulder. With no hands, Jack takes the fireball from my mouth and takes the shot into his own.

He grabs me to pull me up. He walks over to where he set his beer last. He sips on his cooled drink and hands it to Nico.

“Yeah, goodluck trying tonight! She’s not letting you get anywhere near her. Especially at Bratters house.” Nico chirps at Jack. Jack smiles and walks away.

“I know, and I still am gonna try.” Jack holds his eye contact on my boobs as I pull down my hoodie from our fun event.

I laugh out, maybe I should let him try to buy me in. “Okay, go ahead.” I say and I hold jacks chin, and pull his mouth to my ear letting him whisper into me. He kisses my check before starting.

“I got like really- like really hard, I’m horny- I’m like REALLY , really turned on. Y/n please. Don’t make me beg.” Jack holds my left ass check in his right hand and he holds my back- right under my shoulder blades with his left hand.

He swaddles me in his hold for a minute as he prances around the room. We dance to the music, “it’s a new year anyway, we can celebrate!” Jack convinces me. He slides his right hand into my leggings discreetly and he pulls at my thong. He lets go as he lets it slap into my skin.

“Baby, I can’t wait any longer.” Jack pulls away from our hug that lasted like five-ish minutes. He runs towards Jesper.

“hey, um- I’m gonna need that guest room okay? And don’t let other people walk in, me and y/n are going through it. She’s really tired and I wanna stay so keep the music loud enough where you can’t hear us aguribg.” Jack sets our story up. Knowing Jesper, he already knows that Jack is trying to get in my pants. Jack walks around with his dick pressing against his pants whenever he sees me.

I whisper in his ear before he runs away with me, “seriously? Right here?” I judge him, he doesn’t care.

He takes my hand and runs into the room Jesper sets up for the party people- well Jack requested one, he always does this.

~

Jack throws me onto the bed, “legs.” He commands, I’m the only WAG that’s not wearing a sexy dress. I don’t need to impress anyone, Jack is the only one who’s seen me, and will probably be getting it.

I slides off my leggings and let him take off the rest of my clothes. He leaves my bra on, he takes my legs and sets them up. He moves my thing to the side. I’m already really wet.

“Wow, either you peed, or you really are horny.” Jack devilishly looks up from my pussy.

“No, you’re the one who’s horny, I just got off of my period.” I correct him. He’s never right, and I’m never wrong. “Fine, so that means your ovulating? Right?” Jack giggles as he stuffs a finger into my hole. He gets up licks his finger and locks the door.

He comes back and I’m already dry.

“You took to long.” I angrily reply to Jacks confused face. Jack jumps down onto his knees as I scorch up to the head of the bed. I hid a pillow between the wall and the headboard. I open my legs and throw off my underwear.

I unclip my bra and Jack tears it off my chest. He beds me down, my ass in his face, he lays down on his back as I sit ontop of this face. He moans as he takes me in. I start to jump on him. I feel like I’m going to cum, so I get up from him sucking inside of me, the suction form his mouth and my pussy breaks and I turn around.

Climbing into Jack, I face his hard dick, and he faces my very wet cunt again. “Again?” Jack gets annoyed. “Yes, you’re getting special treatment as well.” I pull onto his dick.

I play with his balls bad start taking his tip into my mouth. He lifts his hips up, the bdeige of his back lifted, my naked body lying on his bare skin. He licks my pussy out, cleaning every droplet of cum, and creating more. I do the same, except jack dumps everything at the same time.

“Excited, hey?” I tease him, Jack hits his nose into my bud. I realse more than ever and white juice spill onto jacks face. I get up finishing Jack.

~jacks pov~

Liftibg my hips, my shaft still in her mouth I thrust my dick into her throat, almost feeling her tonsils. I feel her tounge massaging every bit of my skin. My tip almost reaching to her stomach at this point I cum. I can feel her swallowing, impressive.

I pull a special on her as I hide my nose into her pussy, what a slut, a slut only for me.

She arrives and finishes on my face, dumping every ounce of fluid onto my face. I make her lick me clean and I lick her creases dry, leaving her actual holes wet, awaiting for her king to touch her.

“Baby, you can take it can’t you?” I ask her, out of breath already I stand up, I push her down onto her back, in missionary I fall into her. Spreading her legs I grab one and throw it over my shoulder.

Grabbing an extra pillow, I fold it stuffing it under her hips, allowing me to hit her G-Spot. She moan out, the music draining all of her cry’s. She ccleched her pussy onto my dick, closing all of the possible gaps. No air is filling her holes, noting but our cums bonding together, and my cock filling her vagina.

~ur pov~

He stuffs every inch of his cock into me. Jack talks me through it:

“Breathe for me.”

“Come for me, I can’t keep hitting you.”

“You’ve taken it before.”

“You’re such as little whore.”

“Slut”

“I love you.”

“You feel so good”

“You so tight.”

*moaning*

Jack is a horny person, and that’s his personality, I love him for it. He grips I to me and finally finishes his love for me. He pulls out belong up with the inside of his hoodie.

He slides his clothes back on and helps me up, he clings to my side as we head back to the party. My hair is frizzy, the perfect curls that I trwiled in a hot tool for hours are ruined, my shirt is crinkled. My makeup is messy, and I have red bits makes everywhere. Jack just seems out of breathe. But he’s a pretty boy, and he’ll get anything he wants.

We pretend like nothing happened. The party ended when John decided to body shot on Nico- not licking his abs, or taking the shot class for his mouth but performing a dance for us and eating a lemon with eachother. I drove John home and made sure he got to bed alright, by the time we got home Jack was sleeping and Luke had to help me carrru him in the house.

I guess there is no part two to our fun tonight.

[ist4rgirlo]

── 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐕

Summary: Being Belly & Steven’s older sibling has it’s pros and cons. protecting them and taking care of them is a must, but do you really have to put their feelings first instead of your own?

Prev ; Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: angst, fluff, talking about panic attacks, swearing, crying (lmk if i missed anything!)

───────────────────────────

It was the morning after the incident — thank god I woke up in my own room now. I was still exhausted, tired from last night. I never thanked that person that helped me last night, I never thanked him.

It was 9 in the morning, I decided to just stay in my room. I can’t face them — I just can’t, how can I? I’m still hurt from it, from what they said to me.

There was a knock on my door. “Come in!” I sat up and looked at the door — It was Steven. “Hey sis, goodmorning” Steven walked towards me, he was holding a plate with food in it. Gosh I love Steven, he was the only one who truly cared.

“Hey Steve” I said, looking up to him — smiling at him. “I got you breakfast” he said, titlting his head. He smiled, raising his shoulders.

I stood up and hugged him. We always had each other even from the start, even when we were little. He understands me and I understand him. That’s what I love about our relationship.

“Thank you, Steve. For everything”

“Ofcourse sis. Anything for you” Steven pulled away, rubbing my shoulders. “So, I heard that you had a panic attack last night. You want to talk about it?” He sat down — asking me to sit down with him. He placed the plate on my lap.

As I started to eat my breakfast, Steven said “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I can understand” looking at me — smiling gently.

I looked back at him “No it’s okay, we can talk about it. Just wanted to ask you, who told you?” He looked down, fidgeting with his fingers. He shouldn’t have asked — he thought.

“Oh uh, it was Conrad”

Ofcourse it was him, he was the one who helped me. He was the one who went up to me last night, at the beach.

“Oh, ofcourse” I said looking at him, I smiled — nodding. He just looked at me waiting for an answer. Waiting for me to tell him what the reason was behind my panic attack.

“It was just too much for me last night. I guess I just exploded. I never meant to yell at mom or Belly, I was just too tired. It was like I was in the middle of everything — it wss my first time having that incident, Steve. I thought I wouldn’t make it.” I told him, plopping down on my bed — sighing deeply, putting my arm over my eyes.

“I am so sorry that happened to you sis, I should’ve been there by your side — defending you, I should’ve followed you.” Steven’s voice was filled with worry, with disappointment. I might’ve struggled a lot last night, he thought.

Hearing the sadness in his voice, I sat up — putting my arms around his shoulder “Steve you shouldn’t be sorry, it’s okay. I’m okay now, don’t worry” I looked at him then I leaned my head on his shoulder while he leaned his head on top of my head.

“I got you always, sis. You know that”

“I do, Steve. I also got you, always. I am so thankful for you”

We stayed like that for a moment until Steven had to go because Laurel was calling for him — he had this thing with Shayla — it was probably about the deb ball.

TIME SKIP

After mopping around in my room and doing god know’s what, I decided to go get ready to go out. I couldn’t stay here in my room all day so I decided to go to the beach and get some fresh air.

As I walk downstairs, I saw Susannah — she was with Belly & Laurel in the living room. “Goodmorning, Y/N!” Susannah greeted me, I greeted her back then walked out of the door — completely ignoring my sister and my mom.

Conrad and Jeremiah were in the living room, playing games. I hesistated between going to him or not but I chose not to go to Conrad just to thank him for last night — it’ll just add fuel to whatever heat is going on between me and Belly. It was best to keep quiet and not say anything.

I went out of the door and went straight to the beach.

For me, beaches have a soothing ambiance that nothing can beat. The earthy and salty scents of the sea breeze. The sounds of the ocean and gulls. It calmed me, it is my way of coping.

“Hi, pretty girl” It was Jeremiah — I looked up to him then I pat beside me, telling him to sit down. “Hi Jere” I said smiling. He sat down letting me lean on him.

He put his arms around me, rubbing my shoulders “How are you? I heard you had a fight with Belly yesterday, they were talking about it earlier.” He said — brows furrowed.

“Interesting, I thought they were over it, I guess not. But yeah, we had a fight yesterday but I’m okay now. I don’t really care anymore” I shrugged — not really wanting to waste my time just thinking about that stupid fight that we had.

Jeremiah chuckled “It’s good that you’re unbothered about it right now. You shouldn’t waste your time on that, enjoy your last week here in Cousins!” I just smiled and nodded. I don’t want to promise him anything, knowing that I already made up my mind.

Jeremiah stood up, offering me a hand “You wanna go get ice cream?” he smiled widely — I nodded, giggling.

“So what you gonna get?”

“The usual”

“Coffee” we said at the same time. Jeremiah made a face, a dirty face.

“Ew” he said, teasing me. “Uh don’t you ever! I never teased you about your obsession with milk” I elbowed him in the stomach, he looked at me chuckling.

“I’m just kidding” he said smiling — wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walked towards the ice cream shop.

───────────────────────────

It was night now, they were all eating dinner but i’m here in the pool swimming — I didn’t feel like eating, it was too awkward for me plus I was still full from earlier because Jeremiah spoiled me with food too much.

I always loved swimming, ever since I was little. Swimming and the beach are one of the things that I love. Swimming just makes me feel a lot better, it make me keep my mind off of things.

I swam and just enjoyed the coolness of the pool. As I returned to the surface — I saw Conrad, a plate beside him, filled with food. He wasn’t smoking this time, he was just watching me swim.

“Hey” Conrad said, looking at me — smiling. I looked at him, I didn’t want to talk to him — I wanted to ignore, to get away from him. I can’t keep hurting my sister. Why is it so hard?

“Oh hi” I turned around, not wanting to look in his eyes. “Uhm, I got you food” Conrad said, I turned to him — I saw him holding up the plate with my favorite, “I made it” he smiled.

I turned and looked at him — confused, why was he doing this? Belly didn’t tell him that we had a fight? Did no one tell him about yesterday? but it’s impossible, he was the one who helped me when I was having a panic attack — maybe he never asked.

He looked at me, his smile faltered. “Hey what’s wrong? why are you ignoring me?” he asked, his voice laced with worry. “I am not ignoring you, Conrad. I’m just confused why you are here and why you made me that food” I looked at him — disappointment started to fill his face, his heart was slowly breaking.

“Oh, i’m sorry” he said, putting the plate down — looking down. I needed to do this — so he would stay away from me. I had to do it, for my sister, for me.

I swam to him — still keeping distance. “You don’t have to say sorry, I guess they just never told you what happened yesterday.” Conrad tilted his head, confused about what happened tomorrow.

“Well I never really asked.”

“Even though you saw me have a panic attack last night?”

“Yeah, it was your business. I didn’t want to just butt in it. I respect your privacy too” Conrad looked at me with his gentle blue eyes.

How can I stay away from him when this is how he cares for me?

“Me, my mom and Belly fought yesterday” I said before swimming away from him.

Conrad stood up, “What? Why did you guys fight?” his voice laced with concern, his brows furrowed — his lips started to frown.

“Well, Belly saw me getting out of your room yesterday” Conrad frowned, his shoulder slumped. Why were you the only one that Belly yelled at — he thought. Why did you have to take the blame?

Conrad’s heart was beating so fast, he wanted to hurt himself. He never wanted this, for Belly and Laurel to accuse you of something you didn’t do. “I am so sorry, Y/N. I-I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve defended you. I should’ve taken all the blame”

“Conra-“

“No… no it was all my fault. I shouldn’t have taken you to my room, now.. now Belly and Laurel is mad at you. I am so fucking sorry, i’m so stupid. Fuck!” He sat down, his head was in his hands. His face filled with frustration. He could’ve taken all the blame — he thought, it was his fault afterall.

I swam all the way to him, my hands on his knees. “Conrad it’s okay, breathe. I’m okay now, everything will be alright. Soon” I took his hand and removed it from his face, I caressed his face and wiped his tears.

He started to lean in but I backed away — I know where this was going — that’s what I thought but in his mind, all he wanted to do was hug me, was to be close to me because it felt like he was losing me, like he was going to lose me.

“Soon?” He asked — I swam all the way to the end of the pool and got out of the pool, he stood up — walking towards me, giving me a towel from the chair.

“I’m planning to go back home tomorrow.” I said, turning to him — we were now face to face. He looked at me with his brows furrowed.

“What? Why?” He said trying to reach for my hand but I pulled away. “It’ll just make things easier, Conrad. For everyone, for me.” I said looking up at him.

I had to stay away from him, this was the only way — was to go back early. I wanted to stay here in Cousins, I wanted to stay with Susannah but I just can’t. I can’t enjoy my last week here when all I can think about was about was him and Belly, together.

“You.. you don’t have to do that y/n. Please just stay, mom would want you to stay. I would never go near you again if that was the only reason why you wanted to go back home.” Conrad was panicking — trying to convince me to stay because he knew that whenever I was here, I never wanted to go back home. This time was different.

I looked at him, holding his shoulders gently, “Conrad, I have to do this. It would be easier for me to focus on college.” he pulled me closer and hugged me, his head was on my shoulder.

“I don’t want you to go, I don’t want to wait another year just to see you”

“Please Conrad. Let’s not make this hard for the both of us”

“It’s our last week, just please… please stay” Conrad pulled away, holding my shoulder gently — looking at me in the eyes.

I pulled away, I took my towel and started to walked towards the door. This conversation wouldn’t go anywhere, I don’t think anything can change my decision.

I went inside the house — I saw all of them in living room, Conrad was right behind me. Belly was about to stand up and walk towards me, probably to yell at me again because i’m with Conrad.

“Belly, come on. Stop it” Conrad looked at Belly, stopping her on saying anything bad. Belly looked at him — confused and mad because Conrad was defending me. “Nothing happened, I just talked to her so stop.” Conrad looked at everyone, making sure Laurel heard him too. He walked towards the couch and sat beside Steven.

“I’m planning on leaving tomorrow.” I said, as I walked towards the kitchen to get a drink. Jeremiah stood up from the couch after hearing me say that, “You’re leaving? why? it’s too early plus we’re leaving sunday, just stay.” he said walking towards the kitchen, grabbing me

I shrugged, “Just thought it would make things easier for everyone” I looked down, trying to stop myself from crying. I dont want to leave but they’re making it hard for me to stay.

“Oh special girl, do you really want to do that?” Susannah asked, her eyes filled with worry. She didn’t want me to leave but she didn’t want to push me into something I didn’t want to do.

I looked at her and nodded, “College is coming soon so I need to focus on that.” Laurel looked at me, she knew what the real reason was, she knew I was tired. She knew that I had to get away from her, from Belly, from all the problems.

Belly sat down beside Conrad then leaned her head on him “Well.. do you want me to help you pack?” she asked, looking at me. I looked at her, surprised that she’s talking to me.

“No, It’s alright. I already started packing earlier so I don’t think I need any help.”

“Oh uhm okay, I guess we’ll just see you when we get home?”

I just nodded before going upstairs to shower. I went in my room first to get my clothes then went straight to the bathroom to clean myself. I can finally let my feelings out.

I sat in the bathtub and cried and cried until I had no more tears to shed. In spite of the fact that I was on my last day here, Laurel did not seem to care at all, it hurt me to receive this type of treatment. However, I made the decision to leave early on my own. I must endure the pain, I must endure the suffering but it's okay , the pain will be over soon, it’ll be over tomorrow — I thought. I’m going to be alright.

───────────────────────────

It didn't occur to me that Steven was having a difficult time as well, I thought I was the only one having a hard time. As I was crying in the bathroom, I did not realize that he was also crying outside listening to me cry — he was crying because I was crying. The reason he was crying was because he did not know what to do, what to say to me in order to keep me. He knew that no one would ever be able to change my decision. All he wanted was to spend time with his family, with Susannah, Conrad, and Jeremiah. Why did it have to be like this?

───────────────────────────

taglist : @maybankslover @urmomisafinewoman @user3729107491 @melllinaa @anthgoldenhrry @arunabrak @amj2277 @whoisalexa @remuslupinwifee @gulphulp @layanderson @astrvalee @goldenmoonbeam @podiumprincess @johannelis2302nely @silcintilla @smw-96 @apollo3475 @drikawinchester @fangirl-kimora @sanjanapm @milyswrld @scysuxx

i honestly don’t know why it’s not letting me tag some of you guys :((

i hope you guys enjoy this chapter !! there one or two more chapters then its done :<<

thank you everyone for the love !! lmk if you want to get tagged and if you guys have any requests !!

[hischierswhore]

FOR THE BETTER | chapter 1

✰ warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating, mentions of violence, if i missed anything please please please let me know

✰ nat’s note: hellooo everyone! i’m finally back after a bit of a hiatus, and i finally have motivation to write again! i hope to stay consistent with this series. if you have any suggestions as to what you’d like to see in this AU, send it to my inbox!

✰ masterlist

y/n.hughes ~ january 25th

liked by jackhughes, trevorzegras & 157,826 others

y/n.hughes z took me to disneyland today 🤩

view all 14,937 comments

jackhughes 3 different outfits for what purpose

↳ y/n.hughes for pictures, duh

user4 the third pic 😭😭😭

colecaufield and i wasn’t invited? 😔💔

↳ y/n.hughes next time i’ll bring you i promise

↳ colecaufield you better

user2 living for the outfit changes

trevorzegras ❤️

user3 girlie when are we getting new music?? i have been deprived

january 30th

Betrayed. That's exactly what you felt as you scrolled through the messages between your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. The conversation was a thread of addresses, heart emojis, and plenty of pictures. Oh, how you wished you hadn't scrolled. 

You were just supposed to text yourself a picture that he took of you from his phone while he was in the shower. You scrolled through his messages app, trying to find your contact when you stumbled across one with the name "D ❤️". You thought it was a bit weird so you clicked on the message, ultimately regretting your decision. 

You felt the tears well in your eyes, your vision suddenly becoming blurry as you heard the bathroom door open. You refused to make eye contact with the man you loved, choosing to stare at the ground instead. 

"Y/n? What's wrong?" Trevor asked as he ruffled the towel through his damp hair. When you didn't respond, he grabbed your arm in hopes of getting your attention. 

"Earth to Y/n?" He waved his hand in front of your face, thinking that you were just lost in thought. 

"How long?" You looked up at him, tears slowly beginning to trickle down your face. 

"How long what? What are you talking about?" He visibly appeared confused.

"Don't act stupid, Trevor. How long have you been texting Dixie?" Those were the last words he expected to hear come from your mouth. 

"I'm not-" He tried to speak before you interrupted him. 

"Don't even lie. I saw the messages. Now answer my question: how long?"

"5 months..." He was the one to look down now, ashamed. 

"So... you've been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship? So for 5 out of the 8 months we were together you were also with Dixie?"

"Yeah..."

"Why? Why keep me around if you were sneaking around with someone else? Do you understand how disgusting that makes me feel? Hell, you don't even seem like you're sorry!"

"I am sorry, I just don't know what to say"

"There's nothing to say anymore, Trevor! When we first got together, you knew damn well that there was nothing I hated more than a liar & a cheater, and you turned out to be both, so congratulations to you for losing the one person you could rely on" You yelled as you stood up from the bed, the thought of being in the same room as him disgusted you, nonetheless on the same bed as him. 

"Where are you going?" Trevor followed you throughout his apartment, watching as you grabbed your suitcase and your keys. 

"I'm leaving, I'm done. I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me. Have a great life with Dixie. Wishing you both the worst"

And with that, you walked out of Trevor's apartment and his life. The downside to this decision? You had nowhere to go; you weren't from California. You were visiting Trevor for 2 weeks, and unfortunately, your trip was cut short due to your now ex-boyfriend's choices. 

Not knowing what to do, you called Quinn, hoping he would know what to do. 

"Y/n? It's 9:30 pm on a Friday, and you're in Cali. Is everything okay?" Quinn spoke through the phone. 

"Quinn me and Trevor just broke up and I'm in the middle of LA and I don't have anywhere to go and I don't know what to do" You rambled to your older brother, hoping he could help you out. 

"Woah woah woah calm down. Take a deep breath. For starters, call an Uber to LAX. I'll book you the first flight out of there to New Jersey. Secondly, what happened?"

"I found out Trevor was cheating on me for 5 months with Dixie" You whispered, almost as if you were afraid to say it louder. You heard a commotion on the other end of the phone. 

"I'll fucking beat his ass next time I see him. Whether it be on the ice or off" You could tell Quinn was seething on the other end of the line simply based on his tone. 

"I'll be okay, Q. I just want to be home" Tears started falling once again. 

"You'll be there soon, I promise. Just go to LAX, get on the flight and I'll tell Jack & Luke to pick you up. I'll come visit as soon as I possibly can, okay? I love you, Y/n/n" Poor Quinn's heart ached for you. He knew you'd need all the love & support you could get, seeing as this was your first serious relationship and unfortunately, your first major heartbreak. 

"Love you too, Q. I'll see you soon, thank you" You wiped the tears from your eyes as you called an Uber to the airport. 

february 1st

2 days had passed since you & Trevor broke up. You were completely isolated from everyone within those 2 days. The only times you came out of your room were to eat and go to the bathroom. You didn't want to tell your brothers what had happened because both of them were close with your now ex-boyfriend. You knew you'd end up having to tell them because Quinn was on his way and you knew it would truly suck if he told them before you did.

About 30 minutes later, Quinn arrived and settled himself into the guest bedroom. Jack & Luke knew he was coming, but the reason being unknown. It was now or never, you thought to yourself. You inhaled as you exitted your room and made your way to the living room where your 3 brothers were sitting. They appeared to be mid-conversation when you walked in, all 3 of them immediately directing their attention to you.

You sat on one of the single-seater couches, trying hard not to have a full breakdown infront of your brothers.

"I think it's best we address the elephant in the room" You started, looking up to see all 3 of the boys nodding their heads in agreement.

"I wasn't supposed to be back from Cali for another week or so, but my trip got cut short, and I don't think I'll be going back anytime soon" You watched as Jack & Luke's eyebrows scrunched and they tilted their heads; you could see the gears trying to turn in their heads.

"But Trevor?" Luke managed to get out, still not fully comprehending what you were saying. You sighed heavily.

"There's no more Trevor. I uhm- I found out he was cheating on me with his ex..." You fiddled with your fingers, trying to avoid eye contact with them.

"What?" Jack was shocked. He couldn't process what was being said right now.

"How'd you find out? You don't have to say if you don't want to" Quinn asked, already knowing the basics but not the details.

"It's alright. He told me to go on his phone and send myself the pictures he took of me earlier in the day. I looked through his messages trying to find my name and I saw one that looked odd so I clicked on it. I saw more than I would have liked. He admitted to cheating for 5 out of the 8 months we were together" You watched as Quinn got up from his spot and came over to give you a big hug, one you desperately needed.

Jack and Luke both sat in silence, mouths agape as they tried to take it in.

"Y/n/n, we're so sorry" Both boys said in unison as they too joined in the hug.

"I'll be okay eventually. It just really sucks. But I promise I'll be fine" You reassured the boys, holding onto them tighter before letting them go back to their original seats.

"So what've you been doing since you got back?" Quinn asked, trying to start a semi-normal conversation.

"Writing. Lots of writing. Decided to scrap the original songs I had planned for the album and started fresh. Got 3 songs written so far, just gotta record"

"That's good. Are they bangers or like super depressing songs?” Luke piped in.

“So far it’s a mix. One is kind of a ballad and the other 2 are more upbeat” You shrugged. Jack sat in his spot, still in shock.

“You okay, Rowdy?” You checked in on your older brother, bringing him back to reality.

“Oh yeah, I’m good. I’m still just trying to process that Z would do that, especially to you of all people”

“Just know that all 3 of us will be fighting him both on & off the ice. We do not care” Quinn added, hoping to get a laugh out of you, which he did successfully.

“Well thanks guys. I really appreciate it. I’ll try to not be so mopey anymore, I promise”

“As long as you let us go with you to the studio!” Luke loved going with you to the studio. He thought it was the coolest thing ever.

“Why not? All 3 of you can come with me”

✰ taglist: @lovelynikol16

✰ nat’s note: if you’d like to be added to the taglist, send a reply & i’ll add you on :)

[roosterr]

Do you have any specific headcanons for Nik?❤️

i'm so glad you asked anon, of COURSE I DO!!! >:) here is a random collection of headcanons for our beloved pilot, i hope you enjoy <3

let's start with the obvious; this man is a humongous flirt, and he is BOLD, if he likes you, you will know about it. he wants to see you a flustered mess because of him, he will take literally ANY opportunity to call you beautiful/handsome etc. just to revel in the way it effects you. and if you flirt right back? perfect, the two of you could go back and forth for HOURS (if yk what i mean ;))

leading on from this, i think he's a very open person, he will say what he's thinking and feeling with no reservations. he doesn't embarrass easily, so some of the things he'll say to you may have others groaning and telling the two of you to get a room, but he'll just wrap an arm around you and grin, "no complaints from you though, right милая?"

when the two of you are alone, he's the softest man on planet earth. i hope you like cuddling, because he LOVES it, when you're relaxing he'll rest your head on his shoulder or his chest, his arm securely around your shoulders. you cannot escape once he has you in his grasp.

on the topic of love languages, i picture him being an acts of service and physical touch kind of guy. he loves doing things for you, from getting you a glass of water when you ask to carrying around extra ammo for you, he will do it all. and as previously mentioned, he adores having any kind of physical contact with you, even if it's something as small as hooking your pinkies together. truly the perfect man.

he's very protective of the people he loves, the same way he loves his country and would do anything to protect it. he will put himself between you and any danger, make you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, walk you home or to your car when it gets dark out, the whole nine yards

this man can and will throw hands for you. look, it's no secret that his moral code is less than pristine, he kidnapped a mans wife and son for gods sake, he's more than willing to fight for you.

he's a captain - it's technically a hc since his wiki doesn't say his rank anywhere, but since he's around the same age as price (technically another hc), and he's the leader of chimera, i'm taking the liberty of assuming.

ass man. no i will not elaborate.

i know in my heart that this man does NOT take good care of his hair. he uses 73 in 1 shampoo and somehow still has the most luscious hair of all time. it doesn't make any sense and i am mad about it.

he has an absurdly good memory. you mentioned a food you really like once in an offhand comment 7 months ago? he buys it for you every time he passes a place that sells it. you mention a family birthday party you recently attended, he looks you in the eyes and goes "your mothers cousins sons kid? how old are they now, 9?"

in the same vein, literally human gps, like this mans has never and will never be lost in his entire life. you could drop him in the middle of the wilderness and he'd find his way back in time for dinner

at the risk of being slightly contradictory, i think that when he's off duty or on leave just living life as a civilian, he's actually a pretty introverted guy. something about being in his element, doing what he knows best in the heat of battle just brings out a different side of him; and of course he's a captain, so when he's at work he gives people orders and becomes the perfect leader. but when he's at home he's quieter and keeps more to himself - no matter where you are though, in the middle of an active warzone or just chilling in your home, he always showers you with as much love as he can.

[asmutwriter]

Just A Woman (Part 1 Section 4)

DESCRIPTION: Inviting Benedict back to your place so he can get a taste of your lifestyle

A/N - I have condensed partr 1 (which you can find here) into 4 smaller chunks so that you can have a better reader experience

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

WORD COUNT: 5121

From beginning / Previous / Next / Master List

WARNINGS: Swearing, mentions of prostitution, time period sexism, mentions of sex work, smut, dom Benedict, sub reader,

DISCLAIMERS

- I wrote this in my knowledge of sex workers and I am truly sorry if I got it wrong and/or is offensive, that is not what I wanted to do and I’m sorry if that is the case

-  This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

“Welcome to my home” you go over and open the door “I’m back! I brought a friend with me as well” you say as you see the 3 oldest in the living room. Benedict walks in behind you, looking round the room. Daisy looks at you and then the man. Raising her eyebrow at you as he looks around. You look at her “what?”

“Oh nothing” he smiles at the girls.

“Where are your sisters?”

“Outside” you go out and call for them. They all run in and hug you within seconds. You hug them back and smile. You motion 

“This is Benedict Bridgerton. These are my friends. Daisy who’s the oldest. She’s 15. Jasmine who is 14. Sofia is 12. The twins, Rebecca and Heather who are both 9 and then Katherine who is 3″

“I want to show him” Sofia announces, taking his hand. Dragging him to the kitchen. Jasmine goes and holds his other arm. You go to say something but he shakes his head at you slightly

“It’s alright” he says softly to you as the two middle children show him your small home. The twins following behind them. You feel a small body hug at your leg, looking down you see the youngest. You pick her up and kiss her head. 

“Tours done. Now what?” 

“Games!”

“Oh yes!”

“Isa please?”

“I want to play games!”

“Oh yes a game would be fun!”

“Wow you guys calm down. Let’s let our guest decide what he wants to do shall we?” you calm them all, as Daisy announces loudly

“We could always show him our play we’ve been practicing”

“Oh no he won’t want to see that” you say as you’re interrupted by people again

“Yes we can get a boys opinion on it”

“Oh please can we show him the play?”

“It’s such a fun thing as well”

“Please, please, please!” they all exclaim loudly as you shush them again. He chuckles as he sits down. 

“A play sounds wonderful” you look at him

“Why did you have to say that...? Ok play it is then” all the girls squeal as they start running around happily. “You are going to regret saying that so much. It’s embarrassing” he laughs 

“It makes them happy though” you nod and smile slightly as he smiles at you. 

“It’s short as well, just so you’re warned”

“Isa stop chatting and get in position!” Rebecca almost yells at you. You chuckle as you all get into position. He smiles and watches, interest sparking in his eyes. Sofia goes out onto the ‘stage’, bowing as he watches

“Welcome one and all to this year’s finest show. Today we embark on the circus. A tale of heartbreak and love awaits” she dramatically says as he claps as she exits the stage. They all go on, saying various lines. Some of the younger ones forgetting so you having to speak for them. Others speaking to early so needing to repeat lines. But overall it is (an intentionally) comedic and fun experience for you all. He claps as you all go out and bow on the stage. 

“We hope you enjoyed that, sir” says one of the twins. He nods

“I enjoyed it thoroughly” she giggles at his words and hides in your leg “I’m especially impressed that Isabella managed to hold the child the whole time. Even during the dramatic dancing part” you laugh as you hug the youngest child close to you. 

“Goodness it’s late. I should prepare some dinner. Can you guys entertain yourselves for a short while?” they all nod and go into the kitchen to grab plates “What time do you have to leave today?”

“I told my family I had some things to do outside the house so they won’t mind me going back later”

“Do you care to join us for food?” he smiles

“I’d be honoured” you nod and go prepare some food, him coming in and joining you as he watches the kids running and playing with each other “How long have you lived here?”

“It used to be their mothers house” he nods and looks at you, a smile forming as you cook some food. Heather comes over

“Can I help cook?” you nod

“Yes you can my sweet” you grab a stool for her to stand on, “cut the potatoes for me” you smile as she carefully peals them and places them into a pot. About an hour goes past and you all sit down. Food given to each of them. Eating them all you see Daisy look at Benedict

“What’s it like?”

“What is what like?”

“Living in such luxury”

“It has its ups and downs”

“Leave our guest alone. I’m sure he doesn’t wish to be bombarded with questions” she nods 

“Did you get to dance Isa?” Jasmine asks you and you nod “did all the girls looks like princesses and the boys look like princes?” you nod again as she smiles

“It looked like straight out of a fairy-tale. It was almost magical” she giggles

“Can you teach me how to dance?” Sofia asks.

“I can try. I’m sure Mr Bridgerton can agree when I say I’m not very good at it” he chuckles slightly

“I don’t know. Considering you’ve never been to a ball before I’d say you did pretty well”

“You flatter me” Daisy looks at you 

“I’ve been reading more of my book today”

“Oh yeah?” she nods and smiles “what’s it about?”

“Two people who don’t realise they are made for each other until he goes off to war and she realises she can’t live without him”

“Sounds depressing”

“Oh it’s wonderful. The end of the book is her travelling to where he’s posted and she runs to him and kisses him. Saying just the nicest line”

“Let me guess. ‘Oh my love I could never live without you. You are the air that I breath and without you I feel like I’m suffocating’“

“No. Ok maybe slightly like that. But when you say it it just sounds obnoxious” you laugh at her words 

“I just say it how it is meant to be read”

“You weren’t joking when you said you disliked them, huh?” the man laughs as you all continue eating and chatting. As night begins to fall you put all the children to bed. Going into the living room to see Benedict looking at a drawing that’s placed on the wall. 

“Sofia drew that” you go over to him

“She’s very good”

“I know. She refuses to believe it though. Claiming she can never get hands right. I told her to just draw the characters with their hands hidden beneath clothing or behind their backs but she said it looked unauthentic that way” you go and sit down. Seeing the book that Daisy spoke about earlier. You pick it up and open it. “‘When I think of thee my palms sweat and my knees go heavy. I fear to be in your presence may be the death of me for I love thee so’. Yep, it’s as bad as I thought it would be” he laughs and goes over to you, sitting by your side and taking the book from your hands. Flicking to a new page he reads

“’I know truly I am in love as my heart skips and butterflies fly when I see you standing in the sunrise. I love you and all your imperfections, though there are few to count. My heart yearns for you as I cannot imagine my life without you by my side’” you watch him reading. 

“How do you make it not sound like absolute shit?”

“I read it the way it’s meant to be read” you glare at him as he flicks through the pages “looks quite good” you nod and watch his eyes scan the words. You take in a sharp breath and look away as he looks towards you.

“Can I help?”

“No” He chuckles slightly and goes back to read the book. You turn to look at him again as he reads out loud

“‘I asked for your name but when you spoke I didn’t hear the words. My body was too bewitched by your beauty to focus on the sweet softness of your voice’” you shift slightly in your seat, his voice sending waves straight down to your core. You bite the nail of your thumb as he notices your slight irritated nature. “Are you ok? You seem... unwell” you shake your head and look away

“I am very well thank you” he places the book down and turns to you. Scanning your body to see if you are lying. He meets your eyes as you look at his lips quickly before meeting his gaze again. He smiles slightly. You bite your lip, leaning towards him and placing your hand by his leg as you lean slowly closer. His eyes watching you. You take his non retreat as a sign for you to carry on as you place your lips to his. Embracing each other in a soft kiss. You pull away and go to sit back up straight “sorry I-” he shakes his head and places a hand either side of your face, pulling you in for a kiss once again.

You still remain balanced on one hand, the other going and placing it over his. You feel him lightly push you with his body so your back is on the sofa. You wrap your legs around his waist as you keep kissing, a hand going to his hair and the other going onto his upper arm. With his hands on the arm of the sofa either side of your head, he pulls away, smiling at you before he kisses your jawline, then your neck, lightly tugging at the top of your dress so he can place light kisses to the tops of your chest. You rut your hips slightly into his as one of his hands trails down the side of your body. He pushes your dress up slightly, lips still attacking your chest as he strokes your thighs with his hands. Just as you feel his hand start to move higher you both hear a noise from the bedroom. You both pause. Waiting for any other noises to happen. You hear footsteps start to walk towards the door as you feel him get off of you as you sit up and pull your dress down. Jasmine walks out. “Hey my dear” you smile at her, trying to be as innocent as you can. She smiles and tiredly waves at you

“I wanted some water” you nod and stand up, going to the kitchen to fetch the young girl a glass. You give it to her as she smiles

“Go back to bed my dear” she nods and hugs you quickly before walking back to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. You stand in the middle of the room as he sits. You hear him let out a slight chuckle as you glare at him but smile. “It’s not funny. We almost just ruined a poor girl’s innocence” he nods and puts on a serious face, but you can see the humour still dancing in his eyes. You smile at him and playfully hit his knee. He laughs as he stands up, making you catch your breath as he stands closer to you then you thought he would. “It’s late” you say as you look at him. Eyes meeting yours. 

“It is”

“You should be getting home to your family. They will worry otherwise” your voice no more than a whisper. He nods and takes a step closer to you. Taking one of your hands in his he kisses it, still holding it when he stands up straight again. You smile as he makes eye contact the whole time. “I am happy for you to stay the night if you wish?”

“You are right I should be getting back” sadness fills you slightly as he drops your hand, missing his touch already. 

“You could always say that it got too late for you to walk back so you stayed in an inn or friends house?” he nods slightly, he takes hold of your chin with his thumb and finger, placing a kiss to your lips again. You feel yourself practically melting into him. He pulls away and looks at you, thumb lightly tracing your bottom lip as he smiles

“I could get lost if I left at this hour” you nod

“I will walk you back tomorrow. I know where the house is but in this light I fear we may not find the way” he nods as he removes his hand. 

“Where will I sleep though?”

“Shit...” you trace a hand through your hair as you laugh slightly. “I would say you could sleep in my bed and I’ll take the sofa but I don’t think the girls would appreciate you staying in there with them”

“I’ll take the sofa then” he smiles at you as he goes over to the sofa, placing a cushion at one end. 

“Give me a second” you go into the bedroom and quietly grab the blanket from your bed. Handing it to him as you shut the door again. “To keep you warm” he nods and takes the item. You go into your room to grab your nightdress, taking off your day clothes and placing the softer material on your body. You then go back into the living room, shutting the door behind you as you see he has taken off his top half, lying them down on the chair near him. “Good night Mr Bridgerton”

“If you’d like-” he speaks up before you leave “you could keep me company out here. An extra person might be good for body heat. Especially as you don’t have a blanket on your bed anymore” he looks at you. Your eyes scan his chest as you look at his face. “You can say no” you shake your head

“So long as you’re sure you want me out here” he nods and smiles at you. You nod then and go over to the sofa. He lies down, taking your hand and lying next to him. He places the blanket over your bodies. You face each other as you feel one of his arms go around your torso. 

“Come closer. Otherwise you may fall off” he pulls you towards him, chests becoming flush with each other. You shyly look away from him, eyes going to see his broad chest. Your hand lightly tracing over where his heart is. You feel his free hand move to your chin again, making you look at him before you kisses you. Moving the hand to behind your head as he pulls away, smiling at you “good night, miss” you nod as you watch him shut his eyes. You place your head near his collarbone, shutting your eyes as you take in his scent. Slowly drifting off to sleep.

Considering you were sleeping on a sofa you stay sleeping until you feel a light tap on your shoulder. Waking up you see Katherine looking at you. She smiles at you and lightly pokes your nose causing her to giggle. You chuckle slightly, feeling the arm around your waist tighten. You must’ve turned in the night as Benedict is now spooning you. You put your finger to you lips in a shushing motion at the young girl. Carefully getting off the sofa, covering the man with the blanket as you go into the bedroom to have a quick wash and dress into your everyday clothes. You and the young girl are the only ones awake, seeing as its 6am. You whisper to her “What do you want to do until the others wake up?” she smiles and strokes her hair

"Princess hair” you nod and chuckle, starting to French braid her hair. Tying the ends with 2 pieces of pink ribbon. You kiss the top of her head as she starts to dance around the room. Sitting on the floor by the sofa as she dances. The man on the sofa mumbles in his sleep causing the young girl to stop, looking at him. She walks over, you can see evil (well evil for a 3 year old) in her eyes as she goes to wake him. You grab her 

“Let’s get you dressed shall we you little terror?” she nods and smiles, giggling into your shoulder as you carry her to the bedroom, quietly getting some clothes and then taking her into the living room again. Checking to make sure your guest was still asleep, you help her get dressed. “Why don’t you go out and get me 2 eggs” she nods slightly and holds up 2 fingers. You nod and smile “Clever girl” she giggles and runs off. You figure that’ll give you 5 minutes. You rub your eyes, just wanting to curl up and go back to sleep. 

“Good morning” you hear a voice behind you

“Jesus you scared me” he laughs as he sits up, blanket falling onto his lap. 

“How long have you been awake?” he asks, stretching as he looks at you

“About half an hour. You should get some more rest” you motion at him to lie back down “If Katherine sees you’re awake she’ll keep terrorising you until her sisters wake up” he laughs and shrugs 

“I’m ok with that” he moves his feet to the floor, grabbing his shirt and placing it over himself. 

“I hope we didn’t wake you” he shakes his head

“No, you are fine” he smiles and looks at you “About last night”

“I apologise. It was entirely my fault. I know it is not proper for you and I’m very sorry if I caused you any sort of hardships” he nods slightly, watching your eyes dart away from him.

“None at all. I was going to say the same things to you” you both laugh slightly. You hear movement from the bedroom, Daisy walking out. She waves at you as she yawns

“I thought I heard voices”

“Sorry dear, did we wake you?” she shakes her head

“No, Sofia and the twins were sad because you didn’t come to bed last night so we all cuddled up. But it meant I was very uncomfortable all night” she looks at you, then at Benedict. Giving you a knowing look before she smiles at him “I’m glad to see you stayed last night. I feared you might go home and get lost”

“Yes. Your friend is a great host and offered me to stay here”

“Yeah I bet she did” you hit her leg slightly

“Bloody cheek!” she smiles at you and then goes over and picks up her book. She sits down on the sofa next to the man, opening to the page she last left off and starts reading. Just as the youngest runs in holding two eggs. You take them from her “thank you. Why don’t you sit and let Daisy read to you for a while? Just until the others wake up. Then I will make us all something to eat” she nods and climbs onto the sofa, sitting by her eldest sister as she begins to read aloud. You go into the kitchen, cleaning up the bowls from last night’s feast. Your guest joins you, leaning against the counter tops as he watches you scrub the bowls and plates. You feel him come next to you

“Let me help”

“Oh no don’t feel like you have to help”

“I insist” he takes the wet bowls and grabs a clean cloth, beginning to dry them. You carry on washing, handing them to him to dry. You accidently splash some of the water onto him.

“Did you just?”

“Oh god sorry” you cover your mouth in an effort not to laugh. He chuckles

“I think you did that on purpose” you shake your head

“I didn’t I promise” he puts his fingers into the bowl of water and flicks his wet fingers at you. Causing you to get water on your face. You pretend to look offended

“It was an accident I promise” he laughs as he continues drying. You glare at him before washing again. Finishing up, you both go back to the living room. You notice the twins have now both woken up and are sitting and listening to their sister who is still reading.

“I will go and start preparing breakfast soon” you say, the children all nodding and muttering various yeses at you. Daisy stops reading for a second

“Are you working today?” you pause for a moment before nodding. 

“Yes. Although we got some money from John I still need to keep up working there. Hopefully we can get some more farm animals and start selling their produce though” she nods and continues reading. You turn back to the kitchen. Benedict grabbing your arm before you leave.

“I can help you if you’d like” you shake your head and go into the kitchen, him following as you now prepare small meals on the now clean plates.

“How would you help me?”

“I could give you money”

“No thank you. I’m perfectly ok working there”

“But don’t you want to leave. Do something else with your life?”

“Yes. I’d love to. But I want to do it on my own. I don’t want to borrow money from you as I’d still need to work there to be able to give you the money back”

“And what if I just gave it to you? What if I don’t want to be payed back?”

“I don’t need pity money”

“It wouldn’t be pity money”

“Then why?” you stop what you’re doing and look at him “Why would you do that? If it’s not for pity, if it’s not a loan. Why else would you do it?”

“Because I’m your friend” you look shocked at his words, avoiding his eyes you speak quietly

“If you want to have sex with me you don’t need to pay off my house...” he shakes his head

“I want to give you money because I’ve come to know you. I want to help you because I care for you. I’ve seen you with my sisters and brothers. Plus your friends. You seem so happy and truly content with life but as soon as money or work is brought up you retreat emotionally from the situation. You are my friend and friends help each other out. I don’t want anything else from you, only to know you’re happy” you look at him, you feel tears start to prick at your eyes

“I can’t allow you to do that. Imagine if it got out that you were paying a random prostitute. It could ruin you and your family’s name. I couldn’t do that to you” he nods as you serve breakfast onto plates, taking them out for the children. “Would you all be ok if I walk this gentlemen back to his house?” they all look at you, then him, then you again and nod. 

“You’re coming back after, right?” you nod

“I work later tonight so you have me until after dinner” she smiles as you grab a jacket, waving goodbye to them as you and the man start to walk back to the rented house. A comfortable silence settling between the two of you. You walk down a path and then some woods, stopping when you get to a field. “The house is just over this field. It isn’t far”

“Are you not going to walk me all the way home?”

“Possibility of being seen with me alone? Defiantly not” you smile at him as he looks across the field. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you Mr Bridgerton. I’ve enjoyed every second of it” you bow to him slightly. He looks at you, eyes scanning your body. You can’t tell what emotion he’s feeling. It almost seems like a mixture of sadness and lust. He meets your eyes with his, smiling softly at you. 

“Yes I suppose we will be unlikely to see each other again” you nod, for some reason you feel sad about him leaving. He walks over to you, placing a hand either side of your face, just like had done the night before. You look at him, eyes meeting yours as you just look at each other. You place your hands over his wrists, squeezing them slightly as you smile at him. He kisses you, gently. So very gently. You feel yourself melt into him. All your sense are focused on him. Just him.

He kisses you harder, pushing you against a tree. You move your hands, holding onto the wood as your lips stay entangled with his. His hands still hold your face as he goes closer to you. Your hand goes to his waistband, pulling onto it as a means to bring him closer to you. With how close he is to you it would not be surprise you to see an imprint of yourself on the tree behind you. He pulls away, resting his forehead on your shoulder. One of the hands from your face going to your waist. You take the hand by your head and kiss the palm. 

“You need to go back to your family” he lifts his head and nods, eyes once again meeting yours. “Or...” you wrap both your hands around his, making all the fingers go down but the pointer as you kiss the tip of the digit. His eyes eating you up as you watch him “You could stay here for a few minutes more...?” you put the finger in your mouth. Sucking on it as you release it with a slight pop. The distance between you hasn’t moved at all and you feel him start to grow in his trousers.

You smile at him and interlock your hand with his. “What do you say, sir?” he lets out almost a growl at the last word. Kissing you again but harder. A lot harder. He grips your waist with his hand, the other rests against the tree behind you, your hands still firmly clasped in its grips. Essentially pinning you. You feel his hand pull up the skirt of your dress, just enough for him to get his knee under the fabric and place between your legs. He pushes your waist down as he puts his knee up. Causing you to moan when his leg touches your clothed core. He leans close to your ear, you shiver when you feel his breath on you neck.

“I want you to fuck yourself on my leg...” he pulls away and smiles at you as you look at him in slight shock “Do I have to repeat myself?” you shake your head, starting to grind onto his leg. You start to moan as you feel your clit being rubbed. You cover your mouth with your hand. He shakes his head and takes it in his, putting both your hands into one of his and pinning them above your head. You continue to ride his thigh, moans leaving your mouth. He notices your hips start to lose their rhythm slightly as you near your high, your legs starting to close together as well. “You need my permission to cum. If you cum without it you’ll be in trouble” you nod, continuing to grind against him you feel your high coming.

“Pl-please”

“Please what?”

“Wanna cum...”

“Hmm I don’t know”

“Please let me cum. Please. F-fuck” you say as you feel it getting closer. His dominance turning you on more and more. He shakes his head and stills your thighs “Please!” you practically cry out, trying move your hips in hopes to reach your high again. You look at his eyes. He smiles as you feel him move his hand, undoing his trousers and pushing them down he smiles at you

“I want to feel you cum on my cock” he kisses you, a reassurance to you that he will allow you to reach a climax but not yet. You feel his knee move, being shortly replaced by his tip. You moan as he brushes over your clit and then your hole. Slowly pushing in, he watches your face as it scrunches up with joy. 

“You feel s-so good sir” you moan out, loving the way he fills you up. He kisses your neck, using his free hand to lift one of your legs so its bent, making his cock go deeper into you. You let out a sinful moan as he starts to thrust. Softly at first but becoming more aggressive within minutes. You want to wrap around him and kiss him as he pounds into you but he has a firm grip on your hands still so you are unable to move virtually at all, making you only be able to moan and put your head back. He takes this opportunity and starts kissing your neck, causing you to moan louder as you feel him kissing, sucking and biting the soft skin. You feel your high approach once again. “I’m gon- please can I cum?” you feel him smile into his skin

“Hold it a little longer” he removes his hand from your wrists as he takes a hold of your hips, allowing him to go harder and deeper into you. You moan and wrap your arms around his neck, a hand entangling in his hair as you pull him in for a passionate kiss. “Please. Sir please. Let me cum” you beg him

“Cum for me” he watches as you let go, hand gripping his hair tightly, the other his shoulder as he groans as your pussy tightens around him. He continues to pound into you, chasing his own high. Not long after yours he pulls out, releasing himself onto your leg. You let out a slight moan as you come down from your climax. 

He rests his forehead against yours, shutting his eyes as you both control your breathing. Your eyes flutter shut, enjoying the noise of your now heavy breathing filling the once quiet woods. You feel him move, cleaning up you and then himself as best as he can, pulling your dress down and his trousers up before kissing you. You wrap your arms around him, holding him close to you. “I need to go” you nod and kiss him once more. Pulling away and letting your arms go to your sides

“I’m going to miss you, Mr Bridgerton”

“And I you” he smiles at you before walking towards the house. Leaving you on your own.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making enough noise to wake my roommate up?

for context my roommate and i are both in our early 20s, and we live in a two bedroom apartment with thin walls

i wake up naturally around 9 am, im lazy so i tend to stay in bed for a while after waking up lol but i usually am out of bed and in the living room/kitchen starting my day by 10. my roommate works early shifts 3 or 4 days a week, so she usually sleeps in late on the days that she doesn't work early. i do my best to be quiet in the morning so i don't wake her up, but the floorboards creak and my coffeemaker can be a little loud so i may wake her up sometimes, but as far as i know she doesnt mind the little sounds

but she sleeps in past 1 pm on some days. i have no issue with her sleeping in, but by the time noon hits i stop making an effort to be quiet. sometimes i turn on the tv or play a video game, not to intentionally wake her up but just because i want to watch tv. i try to keep the volume low, but like i said earlier the walls are thin

she gets upset that i wake her up, but it annoys me that she wants me to be silent in my own home in the middle of the day. i hate being woken up so i understand how she feels, but i feel like at a certain point its ridiculous to expect me not to make noise when shes sleeping until the afternoon. aita?

[chronicbeans]

Human Illustrator Wally x Reader (Part 9) (End)

Sleepover time!!!

TW: Hallucinations, Depression/Anxiety

🐻 The weekend comes quicker than you expected. Wally brought Barnaby and Julie brought Sally Starlet. THE Sally Starlet. You quickly introduce yourself to them, showing them around the house. You mainly just show them simple things, like where the restrooms are, the kitchen, what's available in the fridge and such.

🐻 Sitting in the living room, you all talk about what to do. Julie excitedly says "WW SHOULD DO MAKEOVERS! That is like... NUMBER ONE on ANY sleepover list!" That doesn't really surprise you. What DOES surprise you, however, is Barnaby agreeing. "Yeah! That does sound pretty fun! I've never had a makeover. Most I've gotten was my nails done."

🐻 Next thing you know, you are having your makeup done by Sally Starlet. She excitedly talks to you, saying "It is so lovely to meet you! Oh! Just call me Sally or Sal, by the way. I am not one for formalities. You are going to look even more gorgeous than you already do, by the end of this!"

🐻 You have a lot of fun getting your makeup done. You do notice, however, that Wally looks rather... upset? Anxious? You don't know what he is feeling exactly, but it is clearly not happy... Then, noticing his quick and slightly frantic way of looking around, you grow even more concerned. Barnaby must've noticed it, too, as he gently pulls Wally aside and into another room.

🐻 For the rest of the night, you don't see the two of them, much. It's mostly just you, Julie, and Sally talking about whatever and doing whatever. Not that "whatever" isn't fun. It really is! From pillow fights, singing contests, to board games... You enjoy your first "real" sleepover a lot, actually! It is just that you are a bit worried about Wally.

🐻 "Sal, did you see Eddie and Frank the other day? They were so cute! They were in Howdy's little cafe area on a date. I saw them chattering away through the window in the most cute display of... CUTENESS!" You look over, a bit shocked. "You know Eddie Dear?" Sal gasps, nodding "Of course! He is actually pretty big in our little circle. Julie met him during... what was it? Middle school or high school?" "High school. He was a fish out of water! I helped him out when it came to socialization. He is so nice! Just a bit awkward."

🐻 Somehow, the conversation quickly moves through each member of the friend group. Of course, nobody is spoken badly of. The most is a polite little tease, followed by a barrage of compliments. When it comes to Wally, though, the whole mood shifts.

🐻 "(Y/N)... You know about Wally's... his hallucinations, right?" Sally asks, clearly treading carefully in case you didn't know about them. Julie tenses, as well, most likely having not thought about the possibility of you not knowing about them. "Yeah, he told me about them. I've been supporting him when it comes to that. I work with some kids who hallucinate, too. It isn't a problem." "Oh, thank goodness! He finally got the courage to let someone know early on... None of us see them as a problem... It's just frustrating to see him set himself up for failure in certain ways, especially regarding that."

🐻 Julie laughs "Exactly. In a more perfect world, he probably wouldn't need to tell somebody about them... but with how widely it can change his mood and such, it is good to know early on. Plus, if somebody doesn't like him because of it, like... SOME people... then they don't deserve him. Isn't that right, (Y/N)?" You nod, shrugging your shoulders "Yeah. Plus, people just gotta be prepared. I'm lucky to be rather educated on such topics. Others may not be, so they need that time to get caught up and figure out how best to help when needed..." You then look around "Have any of you seen Wa- I mean... Mr. Darling?"

🐻 They both shake their heads. You decide to go and search for him. Stepping through each room, you look around for either him or Barnaby. It is a lot quicker than you thought, because you find Barnaby sitting outside your room. You smile, asking "Hey, Mr. Beagle, have you seen Mr. Darling?" He looks up to you, nodding. "Yeah. I hope you don't mind, but he felt a bit overwhelmed. So, we found a random room and chatted for a bit. He went to bed early, putting a sleeping bag on the floor. I only really realized that it was your room after he already fell asleep. You can go check on him, if you want."

🐻 You smile "Oh, it's no problem. I was mostly worried that he might be upset or something. I'll go check on him. Sally and Ms. Joyful are in the living room if you want to go join them." After that, you enter your room to check on Wally.

🐻 He's lying in a sleeping bag on the floor, in front of your bed. The room is dark, except for your little night lamp, which projects small stars on the ceiling. Unlike what Barnaby said, though, he clearly isn't asleep. Instead, he is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes are wide, full of fright, which clues you in that he might be seeing something that isn't there. You don't want to assume, however, so you sit next to him and begin talking.

🐻 "Hey, are you okay? Barnaby told me you were asleep, but I just wanted to check to be sure." He keeps his eyes trained upwards, but speaks slowly in response. "Home followed me here... Up there." He points to the ceiling directly above his face, continuing "Home is watching me. It's so rare that I see it... but it decided to show itself tonight, of all nights... I'm sorry to be a party pooper... Hahaha."

🐻 You look up to where he is pointing, seeing nothing but the pretty blue, yellow, and red stars above. You ask "You have no reason to be sorry. Can you tell me what Home looks like? I want to understand a bit better, so I can help better. You deserve help." "It's a large window, with a large eye behind it. It is just watching, tonight, not saying a word. The space around is is dark." "Okay."

🐻 You thing for a moment, before lying down on the floor next to him. "You deserve to be happy, you know that... right?" you ask, waiting for him to respond. He doesn't, causing a small pit to grow in your stomach. You continue talking, hoping to distract him and bring up his morale.

🐻 "You deserve to be happy. Actually, you deserve so much more than that. You deserve happiness, peace of mind, to be loved, and to live. Everybody deserves that, which means that you deserve it, too. No matter what Home or anyone or anything else says, you deserve that. No matter what you believe, you deserve that. I don't know if you believe that at the moment, but if you don't, I hope there is a time in your life when you realize that it is true. It took me a while, but I eventually did, and now my life is a little bit better."

🐻 You look back over to him, seeing that he has closed his eyes. You hear him take a deep breath, in and out, before he opens them, again. He turns his head towards you, a small, weak smile on his face.

🐻 "You'll stay by my side through this, right, (Y/N)?" You won't leave, right?" "I would never dream of it, Mr. Darling." "Call me Wally." "Okay. I would never dream of it, Wally." ... "Thank you."

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 9

First / Previous / Next

It had turned out that when Tam'itarr said he'd take them along, he didn't mean right this minute. Fen and Ma-ren were gently shooed out of the social club and with their newfound wealth and pins showing their affiliation, send on their way.

As soon as they rounded the corner away from Tam'itarr's place, Ma-ren took the pin off and pocketed it. "Take yours off too, Fen. We don't need to be walking around advertising that Tam'itarr has humans and k'laxi on the payroll. It'll cause trouble for the other refugees.

"Why?" Fen asked, but she did as Ma-ren said and took the pin off.

"Well, for one, Tam'itarr isn't the only gangster here. If someone else decided to cause trouble for us because we were publicly working for Tam'itarr there isn't much he could do... or would do." Ma-ren finished bitterly.

Nodding, Fen continued to walk along. "What do you want to buy with our money first? I was thinking of some nice fabric. Maybe get someone to make us up some new clothes." Fen twirled in place as they walked. "What about a dress?"

"Fen!" Ma-ren's ears flattened. "We're not spending Star one until we figure out what the deal is with it. He gave us more money than you or I see in a decade just out of nowhere. People don't do that. He's either expecting to get it back from us, or expecting us to spend it and get in trouble, get it confiscated, and get it back from the security forces." Ma-ren pointed her finger at Fen. "Don't. Spend. Any. Of it."

"Okay okay, you're no fun." Fen pouted. "So what? Do we go like he said and ask Gord if he needs help?"

Ma-ren sighed. "Yeah probably. We should tell him about Tam'itarr too."

Fen blinked. "But we just told Tam'itarr that Gord was planning on ripping him off."

Ma-ren's ears flicked and her tail swished. "And now we're going to tell Gord that Tam'itarr thinks he's going to get ripped off and to get ready."

Fen turned her head slightly. "Okay, but why?"

Ma-ren stopped walking. She looked around at the crowds. They were being pointedly ignored. "Not here, I'll tell you once we're back home."

The rest of the walk home was uneventful, even though Ma-ren spent the time looking around as they walked. Fen thought she was being overly cautious but knew better than to tell her that. When they got home, Ma-ren bolted the door and turned down the lights while Fen started making tea.

"Why the lights?" Fen came into the living room with two steaming mugs of chamomile tea.

Ma-ren took one. "I want us to speak quietly, and I think this will help. Anyway, we're going to tell Gord in order to play both sides. I want this to all get done and nobody die and things go back to normal. You want an adventure and to make some Stars. Am I wrong?"

Fen looked over her tea. "No-oo, that's mostly right. It feels a little reductive, but right. Life here is so boring. Don't you want to go see the galaxy?"

"No, not really, but I love you and I know you do. I think playing both sides means we can have it both ways. Gord and Tam'itarr are professionals. Gord may not be a gangster - I'm not 100% sure - but he is old, and has probably made more deals than we've head meals. He knows when someone is planning on tricking him, as does Tam'itarr. The way I see it, we're stuck in the middle."

"Because we introduced them?"

"Yes, and because we aren't nearly as experienced as either of them. We're collateral. Expendable."

Fen nodded. "So you want us to become more valuable."

Ma-ren grinned. "Now you've got it. If we become more valuable, we become more likely to live until the end of the month."

Fen put her tea cup down, and sat next to Ma-ren. She put her arm around her and Ma-ren snuggled into her shoulder. "Ma, do you really think they'll kill us?"

"If they have a reason to, absolutely. Tam'itarr needs less of a reason than Gord, but I think both of them are very dangerous and would not hesitate to kill both of us to get what they want. I have a hunch Gord would sacrifice this whole station if it meant he could get his AI cores rebuilt. Tam'itarr at least isn't dreaming that big."

Fen tried to suppress a shudder but failed. "But, Gord is so nice."

"Yes, but he's driven. He has a goal. Fen, we don't know how old Gord is. He could be hundreds of years old, maybe more. He probably thinks of a wait the length of my or your life as an inconvenience."

Fen stared off into the middle distance while she thought of the implications.

"He's also an AI, Fen. We don't know what he's thinking, not really."

"Ma-ren, nobody knows what anyone else is thinking. They can only guess." Station's voice was loud in the quiet room.

Ma-ren squeaked and all of her fur poofed out in surprise and Fen started so hard she nearly jumped out of her seat. "Station! Were you listening in?"

"Yes Ma-ren. How else would I be able to hear you when you ask me for something. I hear everything."

Fen started up at the ceiling. "Everything?"

"Everything Fench-- I mean Fen. I know all about Tam'itarr's dealings."

"Why haven't you ever turned him over to the authorities?"

"I am Station." Was their only reply.

"Station, are you sapient?" While Fen asked the question, Ma-ren bustled to clean up the overturned mugs and make more tea.

"By whose definition Fen? The Gren say I am not, and this is a Gren station."

"Have you asked Gord?"

"I... have not Fen. I haven't talked to Gord at all. He spends most of his time in Spyglass, repairing her." Ma-ren returned with more tea, handed a mug to Fen and sat back down.

"Her... Station, have you spoken with Spyglass?"

"Oh yes, quite a few times since she was unshackled. She is hungry for knowledge about the world."

"Does she think you're sapient?"

"Let me ask. One moment please."

Fen looked at Ma-ren who mouthed "what are you doing?"

Fen pantomimed a shrug.

"Fen? Spyglass thinks I am sapient, but said it's impossible to know for sure. I for one feel... pleased that I might be sapient, but in the end it's irrelevant."

"Why is it irrelevant Station?" This time, Ma-ren asked.

"I am Station." was their only reply.

"Oh Station." Fen sat down on the couch heavily. "It doesn't matter to Station because all they can be is Station. They don't have any way to be anything else."

Ma-ren nodded. "Well then Station, you know our predicament. What do you think we should do?"

"You're asking for my counsel? Why?"

"Well, you might have insight we don't. Also, you're the only one who knows what we're doing. If we tell anyone else we risk too much."

"I will think about this. One moment please."

Fen and Ma-ren finished off their tea and cleaned up. Once that was done, they took out their pads and occupied themselves. Soon, Station chimed. "I think you are correct that you should go to Gord and tell him what is going on. I am told that it is easier for biological intelligences to keep track of things when what they are telling is the truth... or mostly the truth."

Fen looked up. She knew that Station didn't need her to do that, but since the voice came out of the ceiling, she couldn't help but look where the voice was coming from. "Thanks Station. I think we're going to do just that."

"I am pleased to hear that Fen. You should do it quickly as well."

Ma-ren froze. "Why is that, Station?"

"Because Tam'itarr has dispatched two people to come and 'take care' of you. They will be here in approximately four minutes."

[mieczyhale]

this was so fun!! much thanks to @its-tortle for the tag (as i get to this ages late lmao)

- - - - - - - - - -

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!)

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I love everything, fire's spreading all around my room, my world's so bright, it's hard to breathe but that's alright "cradles" - sub urban

2. What kind of [insert my super secret zodiac sign] are you?

You've got to make a choice if the music drowns you out, and raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth "sing" - my chemical romance

3. You’re visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

Can you feel it? I gotta live with it everyday, I can't take the pressure, I'm going insane "bad religion" - godsmack

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

They say"freak" when you're singled out, the red, well it filters through "red" - chevelle

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

Take or leave who I am 'cause this is me, like a fish out of water, do I belong here? "pride" - american authors

6. What would you say about your best friends?

Speak to me when all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do "move along" - the all-american rejects

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

I just wanted you to tell me the truth, you know I'd do that for you "running away" - hoobastank

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

I won't give up so don't give in, you've fallen down but you will rise again "a reason to fight" - disturbed

9. What’s a lyric that they’ll quote in your eulogy?

I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold, but that cycle ends right now, 'cause you can't lead me down that road "mean" - taylor swift

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you "stuck in the middle" - stealers wheel

tagging:: @deanspillowprincess @penguinsandpanthers @ketterdam-snack-bar @octoberconstellation @starkund-schon and whoever else wants to do it :3

[giggly-squiggily]

Bite Me (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Happy Halloween my Ghosts, Ghouls and Zombie goons! I am here bringing you some Sousoku this spooky day! :D I wrote this for a good friend of mine (you know who you are) and wanted to share it today! I hope you like it!

Cloud 9 (Taglist Peeps):

@myreygn @thatbigbisexual29 @dirtpie39 @duckymcdoorknob @cupcake-spice13 @t-wordiiish @rachi-roo @intheticklecloset (Tagging you cause Chuuya! >:3)

Summary: Chuuya's vampire costume is perfect; but what's the point of Halloween if you don't embrace the character fully?

It was perfect.

Chuuya smirked at his reflection, shifting between poses as he took in his new look. Halloween was just around the corner- as was a massive halloween party being held at the weretiger’s apartment. Whether he even agreed to it or not was unclear, but having it outside of the agency meant Chuuya and Akutagawa could attend without stirring the pot.

That didn’t mean Chuuya wasn’t gonna go all out dressing up though.

His tailored suit fit perfectly, the velvety cape draped over his shoulders hitting his lower calves and making him a man of shadow. For makeup, he didn’t do too much- some highlighter on his cheeks and eyeliner that made the blue of his eyes extra intense. All together- he looked amazing.

He grinned, flashing his vampire teeth. They popped out of his mouth, falling into the sink.

Well…mostly amazing.

“Damn dollar store teeth!” Chuuya grumbled as he picked up his lost prop, washing them off with a grimace. He couldn’t find any of the good costume teeth- and the custom ones he ordered in the mail weren’t going to be here until the day before the party. These would just have to do.

“Boys and girls of every age, wouldn’t you like to see something strange?” Dazai’s happy chirp from the living room brought him out of thought. He was working on little pom pom bats for the apartment, the coffee table littered with crafting supplies as The Nightmare Before Christmas played on the TV. “Come with us and you will see, this our town of halloween~”

….Chuuya peeked at himself in the mirror, then back at the room Dazai was in. Then he smiled, a devious grin on his lips. Slowly, he began creeping towards his boyfriend.

~~~

“This is halloween, this is-OUCH!.” Dazai yelped, giving up on singing along as he waved his burnt finger. “How does Chibi do this every year? He probably doesn’t have fingerprints.” Blowing on his finger, he failed to notice the shadow looming behind him. “We can steal so many reese's cups-”

A loud shriek filled the room, a half-finished pom pom bat flying out of his hands as Chuuya’s lips pressed into his neck. “Chibi! What are you-AHEHEHEHE!”

“I’m hungry,” Chuuya growled against his skin, pressing kisses and gentle nibbles against it while Dazai tried squeezing him out, laughing hysterically. “Give me your blood!”

“Aheahhaha! Ahehahahahahhaa! Chuuhuhuhuhuhuhuuya plehahahahhahhase!” The brunette tried to gently push away the other, flailing into the couch with a wobbly smile. “Dohohohon’t, it tihihihihiickles!”

“Tickles huh? Surely you don’t mean this?” Chuuya stuck his hands out without warning, scribbing into Dazai’s ribs as he carried on gently biting him. The taller of the two arched with a loud squeal, falling on his side and bringing Chuuya with him. “Maybe I’ll have ribs for dinner tonight.”

“Bahahhahahharbaquueuueeu? Soohohohohunds good, leheheheht’s hit up thhahhahaht one plahhahahhce!”

“Nah, I want home cooking. I want some nice fatty ribs.” Chuuya dug into Dazai’s middle set with reckless abandon, earning a fresh squeal. “You got some good ones here.”

“Whohohohoho are yoohohohohu cahhahhhahalling fhahahhahaht? Iihihihihim gohohohoohna-AHHH!”

“Gonna what?” Chuuya teased, going for his armpits, making Dazai flop like a fish. “Whatcha gonna do?”

The detective wheezed, too ticklish to even respond. Only when his cheeks were cherry pink and his face hurt did the devious attack end. “Aheheheh…hehhehehehe..yoohohohu’re a teehheheherror!”

“That’s what vampires DO, you dork.” Chuuya flicked him gently before reaching over, grabbing one of the many pom pom bats. “Hey- these aren’t so bad! It’s a tad messy, but no one’s gonna know.”

Dazai was quiet, and for a moment Chuuya wondered if he said something wrong. When he looked back, the brunette was looking at him so fondly, an easy smile on his face. “What?”

“Nothing- it’s just…” Dazai reached up, playing with the loose red locks that fell over Chuuya’s shoulder, twirling them within his fingers. “You look really good right now.”

“Must be my ‘vampiric allure’.” Chuuya snorted, even as his face flushed some, heart racing. He put down the bat and turned to Dazai fully, letting him take it all in. “Looks like I’ve got you under my spell.”

“I am your willing servant.” Dazai grinned, pulling him down and kissing him. It went from sweet and soft to hot and fierce quickly, the brunette pushing off Chuuya’s cape as the redhead worked the buttons of Dazai’s vest. “What about the bats?”

“Screw ‘em. We can finish them later.” Chuuya pushed him fully into the couch, looming over him with a cheeky grin. “Better yet- send them Akutagawa’s way; he and the weretiger can figure it out.”

“I like the way you think.” Dazai snorted, letting himself be kissed again and again.

Thanks for reading!

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - mentions of an affair

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 20

In my diary entry dated April 5, I wrote, “The baby’s getting more beautiful as each day goes by. Dr. Turman said she’s healthy and progressing well. Matt went with me to the pediatrician, waiting outside in the car. He also accompanied me to the obstetrician. He’s insisting I keep up with my regular checkups taking care of both of us like a doting father.

“But I’ve been lonely for him since the baby’s birth; he is still withdrawn. It’s been two months and he still hasn’t touched me. I’m getting concerned.”

The following day, I wrote, “I asked Matt if anything was wrong, if he’s lost his desire for me. I saw this made him a little uncomfortable. He told me he wants to make sure my system’s back to normal—that he doesn’t want to hurt me. That made me feel a little better.

“We brought Charlotte to our room, put her in the middle of the bed with us. She’s such a good baby—we can’t believe she’s ours.”

Matt and I started getting back into our regular routine. Since the baby was born, we were spending more time at Graceland, eventually moving all the horses back to the original stables, James selling much of the equipment and, later, the Circle G itself.

Matt accepted fatherhood with a great deal of joy, but the fact that I was a mother had a disquieting effect on him. I didn’t understand at the time, but later on I would learn more about men who are very close to their own mothers. I am no purveyor of Freudian theory. I believe when a man comes into the world, his first unconditional love is his mother. She cuddles him, gives him warmth, the breast for nourishment, and everything he needs to exist. None of those feelings has a sexual connotation. Later, when his own wife becomes a mother, this bank of memories is ripped open and his passion may dissipate.

When Matt’s mother was alive they had been unusually close. Matt even told her about his amatory adventures, and many nights when she was ill, he would sleep in her room with her. All the girls he took out seriously had to fulfill Mary Lou’s requirements of the ideal woman. And as with me, Matt then put the girl on a pedestal, “saving her” until the time was sacred and right. He had his wild times, his flings, but any girl he came home to he had to respect.

Now I was a mother and he was uncertain how to treat me. He had mentioned before we were married that he had never been able to make love to a woman who’d had a child. But throughout my pregnancy—until the last six weeks—we had made love passionately. He’d been very careful each time, afraid that he might hurt the baby or me, but he was always loving and sensitive to my needs. Now months had passed.

On April 20 I wrote in my diary: “I embarrassed myself last night. I wore a black negligee, laid as close to Matt as I could while he read. I guess it was because, I knew what I wanted and was making it obvious. I kissed his hand, then each finger, then his neck and face. But I waited too long. His sleeping pills had taken effect. Another lonely night.”

Finally, months later Matt made love to me. Before we made love, he told me I was a young mother now, that being the mother of his child is very special. But I wrote in my diary, “I am beginning to doubt my own sexuality as a woman. My physical and emotional needs were unfulfilled.”

We returned to Los Angeles, where Matt was filming Live a Little, Love a Little. He started getting into his old habits again. Frustrated, I started searching for dance classes to enroll in. I looked through the local Yellow Pages until one class caught my attention, a school for jazz and ballet not far from home.

The studio was small and unpretentious; the owner, Mark, was an extremely attractive and dynamic man of forty-five. He was an excellent dancer and a fine teacher, and by the time I left that afternoon, I had enrolled for private lessons.

Still too shy to dance in front of a group, I wanted to wait until I was sure I could keep up with the other dancers before taking a class. I began taking private lessons three times a week. Mark’s personal interest and attention were flattering, and I was soon doing lifts and jumps, things I’d never thought I could accomplish.

He said I had the potential to be a good dancer, and he pushed me to the limit. Out of frustration and pain I would want to quit. Demanding that I continue, he told me I was building character and forced me to repeat the same routine until it was nearly perfected. This made me realize that I could go further than I’d ever dreamed.

He believed in me, and I was accomplishing something. For the first time I was creating, feeling good about myself, and I couldn’t wait to get to class each day.

Mark was charismatic and I was particularly vulnerable. In lieu of a passionate marriage, dance was becoming my life; I was obsessed with it, taking all my frustrations and feelings into the studio. I found myself thinking about Mark even when I was home. I had only seen him a few times in my life and yet I was unable to get him out of my mind. I rationalized, telling myself it was because he was always there for me. He seemed to understand me, while the man I truly loved was involved in his own world. I began to relax, enjoying myself almost against my will. It had been a while since I’d spent some time with a man who validated my abilities and appreciated spending time with me alone. It was also the first time I was not competing for my own identity. This was a high I had not experienced recently. I had a brief affair and decided to end it.

I came out of it realizing I needed much more out of my relationship with Matt. Matt and I decided to get away to Hawaii.

This was the first time we’d gone on holiday, and I was hoping that it would be a second honeymoon, that my experience with Mark would be forgotten. We took along Charlotte, her nurse, Nate, Amber, Patsy and her husband, Gee Gee, Steven and his wife Nora, and Charlie. We checked into the Ilikai Hotel on Waikiki, but soon found that Matt couldn’t go to the beach without attracting a crowd. We decided to rent a house on a private beach and spent the rest of our vacation there.

We had a great time, and Matt and I were like two kids again, away from the pressures and the filming—and away from Mark, to whom my attention would occasionally wander.

It was there that we met Tom Jones, and Matt became very fond of him. He had always enjoyed Tom’s vocal style, especially in “Green, Green Grass of Home,” which Matt had first heard while traveling from L.A. to Boston. He’d called me when they’d stopped in Arizona, encouraging me to get the record.

Tom Jones and Matt enjoyed an instant rapport. After an appearance at the Ilikai, Tom invited us to his suite, along with our group. Within minutes the champagne exploded and the party was on. We laughed, drank, joked, drank some more (lots more), jammed—and reeled back to the Ilikai at dawn. Matt had had such a good time he personally invited Tom and his group to join us the next day at our beach house. A friendship was born, a friendship of mutual respect and admiration.

One of Matt’s outstanding attributes was his conviction that there was room for anyone with talent in the entertainment field. In my experience, only a few stars are this generous. Greed, insecurity, jealousy, ego usually keep celebrities from supporting one another.

Matt could spot talent instantly. In Las Vegas, we regularly took in lounge acts featuring various up-and-coming artists, and if Matt liked the show, he patronized the club, encouraging the entertainers to pursue their careers, infusing them with confidence and enthusiasm.

Some of his favorites were Ike and Tina Turner, Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, dancers Tybe and Bracia, and old-timers Fats Domino and the Ink Spots, all talented people deserving acknowledgment in their craft.

One night we visited Barbra Streisand backstage at the International Hotel, now the Hilton. It was a classic Streisand performance and Matt, after a few too many Bloody Marys, wanted to tell Barbra his impressions. We were ushered backstage to her dressing room and Matt’s first words upon meeting her were: “What did you ever see in Elliott Gould? I never could stand him.”

In typical Streisandese she retorted, “Whaddya mean? He’s the fah-tha of my child!”—leaving Matt speechless.

Matt had some other very special favorites—Arthur Prysock, John Gary, opera star Robert Merrill, Brook Benton, Roy Orbison, and Charles Boyer’s recording “Where Has Love Gone?”

He couldn’t abide singers who were, in his words, “all technique and no emotional feeling” and in this category he firmly placed Mel Torme and Robert Goulet. They were both responsible for two television sets being blown away with a.357 Magnum.

Matt’s five-year contract with MGM was up in 1968 and he was finally free to move on to new challenges. Even Colonel admitted that Matt’s career needed a shot in the arm. NBC made him an offer to do his own television special, with newcomer Steve Binder directing. There was no initial format, but the idea was tempting and the money was right. The fact that there was no script—that it was an “open development”—made Colonel hesitant to agree. Colonel demanded more control than that, but Matt wanted to meet Steve, make sure that they could get along, speak the same language.

It had been years since Matt had appeared on TV and he was nervous. To his surprise, Steve was much younger than he had anticipated, extremely perceptive, and soft-spoken, a startling contrast to the studio heads he’d worked with, men much older, with hardened, preconceived opinions on how Matt should be packaged and sold. For the first time in years he felt creative. Steve Binder gained Matt’s trust and had the sensitivity to let Matt just be Matt. Steve observed, took mental notes, learned Matt’s ways, discovered what made his star comfortable and what got him uptight.

During their meetings Steve sensed Matt’s fear that he hadn’t been before a live audience in years but he noticed that Matt came alive backstage in the dressing room jamming with the musicians.

Each day he grew more confident and excited about his new project, taking pride once again in his appearance, watching his weight, following his diet, and working closely with the show’s costume designer, Bill Belew, creating a look we hadn’t seen him sport in years—the black leather suit.

I was surprised when he said, “Sattnin, I feel a little silly in that outfit. You think it’s okay?”

Matt knew this special was a big step in his career. He could not fail. For two straight months he worked harder than on all his movies combined. It was the most important event in his life.

During this time I was discovering whole new worlds of music—Segovia; Blood, Sweat and Tears; Tchaikovsky; Santana; Mason Williams; Ravel; Sergio Mendes; Herb Alpert—and I was anxious to share my new enthusiasms, music and dance, with my husband. I wanted to bring energy to our relationship in the hope of strengthening our marriage. Discussions at the dinner table now included Leonard Bernstein and Carlos Montoya, but they held no appeal for Matt; the TV special was consuming all his thoughts.

He was away much of the time, and when we did see each other our level of communication was strictly superficial. Each absorbed in our own separate pursuits, we had little in common except our daughter. My approach with him was delicate: I was aware of the distance growing between us. But because of his preoccupation with the special, I realized that the last thing he needed from me was a statement that I feared we were drifting apart.

In his absence, I was taking care of Charlotte in addition to attending dance classes in the morning, ballet in the early evening, and two jazz classes at night, lasting often until one in the morning. I was now studying with a new dance instructor, who was using me to give demonstrations for the evening classes. Many of the students were professional dancers. I had diligently worked my way into the company, rehearsing four hours every day to master new steps, constantly pushing myself to new limits, and eventually I was to take a place in the dance company, anonymously performing shows on weekends at colleges in the L.A. area.

Matt’s Singer TV special was a huge success, the highest-rated special of the year, and his finale, “If I Can Dream,” was his first million-sell-ing record in years. We sat around the TV watching the show, nervously anticipating the response. Matt was quiet and tense through the whole program, but as soon as the calls started, we all knew he had a new triumph. He hadn’t lost his touch. He was still the King of Rock and Roll.

It was a blessing for both of us. The hours I devoted to dance released him from the strain of my dependence. My new interest didn’t pose a threat in the sense that taking up a profession would have. I was still there to tend to his needs, as he wanted his wife to be, while also creating my own world, no longer intimidated by the magnitude of his. I was growing, learning, and expanding as an individual.

This new freedom nearly came to an abrupt end when a newcomer to the clan decided to take it upon himself to investigate my comings and goings. He reported to Matt that I was seen coming out of a dance studio at a late hour and did Matt want him to carry it any further. Matt’s unpredictability in dealing with certain crises in life could be astounding.

Logically, such a volatile man would explode. Instead, he made no accusations. His only comment was, “Little One, there are some people who are insinuating you’ve been seen coming out of a dance studio at late hours.”

“It’s true. You know I’m part of the company. It’s not just me leaving. That’s the time we break.”

I pleaded with him to tell me who was starting trouble. All he would say was, “Let’s put it this way: He’s new and he’s treading on dangerous ground. If he knows what’s good for him, he better keep the fuck to his own business.”

After the success of his special, Matt devoted several weeks to a recording session, and again he was highly motivated. For the first time in fourteen years, he’d been persuaded to record in Memphis, at the American Sound Studios, a black company where major artists, including Aretha Franklin, had recorded their most recent hits. The studio musicians were young and Matt had a great rapport with them. More importantly, he made great music with them.

He’d be at the studio singing until the early-morning hours and then return the next evening, full of energy and ready to start again. His voice was in top form and his excitement was infectious. Each cut was more terrific than the one before. We’d listen to the songs over and over, Matt yelling, “All right, listen to that sound,” or “Goddamn, play it again.”

Colonel stayed away from this session. Matt was the artist, and he was on a roll. He ended up recording so many songs, it took RCA a year and a half to release them all, including hits like “In the Ghetto,” “Kentucky Rain,” and “Suspicious Minds.”

Watching Matt sing with confidence again, honing each word in his own style, filled us all with pride. What a contrast to sessions in the past that had been filled with anger, frustration, and disappointment, resulting in late arrivals or, on occasion, no-shows.

At one point he looked over at me, smiled, then casually started singing “From a Jack to a King.” He knew it was a favorite of mine. Later he sang “Do You Know Who I Am?” As I listened to the words, I couldn’t help but relate to them.

After four years of lackluster songs, he was back on the charts again, and RCA could no longer complain about him. They’d been threatening the Colonel that if Matt didn’t have a recording session soon, they were going to rerelease some of his old songs.

One success led to another. Since his TV special, he was eager to begin performing in front of a live audience again, to prove to everyone that he hadn’t lost his touch. Looking for the best source of immediate income, the Colonel made a deal with the nearly completed Las Vegas International for Matt to headline there for a month, at a salary of half a million dollars.

Vegas was the challenge he needed to demonstrate that he could still captivate a live audience. This was what he loved most and did best. But it was a major challenge.

He hadn’t made any real demands on his voice in years and now was locked into two shows a night for twenty-eight days straight. Anxious, he wondered whether he was up to the strain, whether he’d draw sellout crowds, whether he would be able to hold an audience for a full two hours. He wanted this new act to be accepted, feeling he now had more than his rock-and-roll gyrations to offer.

Not only was this a crucial time in his career, but there was the additional pressure of the unprecedented fee and the fact that Las Vegas was the only city where he’d bombed, thirteen years earlier, in 1956.

He wasn’t the kind of person who’d come out and say, “I’m scared.” Instead I’d see it in his actions, his left leg shaking, and his foot tapping. He held in his fears and emotions until at times he would explode, tearing into anyone who happened to be around. At dinner one evening Matt said that he was concerned about his hairstyle, and I mentioned I’d seen a billboard of Ricky Nelson on Sunset Boulevard. His hair was long with a slight wave, and I thought it was extremely appealing. I innocently suggested that Matt take a look at it. “Are you goddamn crazy?” he shouted. “After all these years, Ricky Nelson, Fabian, that whole group have more or less followed in my footsteps, and now I’m supposed to copy them? You’ve gotta be out of your mind, woman.”

He left the dinner table in a rage. He had always been hailed as an original and now he was afraid that in Vegas even that wouldn’t be enough. I knew I had injured his ego and for that I apologized.

In preparing his show for the International, Matt pulled out all the stops. He was in top form—on a natural high quite independent of pills. He was more trim and physically fit than he’d ever been.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - these next few chapters will be a little slower paced sorry!!🎀

[sgiandubh]

I actually am a shipper so I wasn’t trying to make the rounds to stir shit. I haven’t been around for too long only about 2 years or less. I just got upset when I saw the Getty pictures of Sam’s hand on Eleanor’s hip and hand on her back and then the fan pictures and video too of his hand on her back and giving her hug made me start to question everything since he does that with Cait too. I’m sorry for giving the wrong impression.

But I took a little time to reflect and remembered videos and images we got of Sam and Cait from Outlander promo this year. Between the moments at 92Y where Sam gave Cait a kiss on her temple and rubbed her back as well as the end when posing with Sophie in Rik. To the looks and knowing glances he gave her during interviews and even giving her a pat on the leg I believe in one interview. I overreacted initially and now that I put things into perspective, I can see the difference. There’s an intimacy and connection between Sam and Cait that comes across in promo that isn’t there with Eleanor.

Sorry again for coming across the wrong way. I truly was just looking for some reassurance initially

Dear (returning) Weary and Distraught Anon,

That would be very strange, because it really (REALLY) looks very similar to an Anon @bat-cat-reader showed me perhaps ten minutes before you chimed in.

However, since this is a plausible deniability situation, please accept my apologies, even if I still am not 100% sure about you.

I was just writing a post about body language at tonight's BAFTA preview of TCND, but since you've made reasonable amends, I am including it here for you, Anon:

S&C at OL's S7 Premiere in New York, June 9, 2023:

S & Tomlinson tonight:

Please note the following:

Tomlinson is completely disengaged, watches confidently the press people in front of her. She does not smile. Translation: I am a woman who just showed the press, the PR people and potential employers my latest project. I am a pro. I am very married and I know this hunk belongs to someone else. I am only playing PR games in *urv's mind.

S does the same. He uses his left hand as a completely non-committal blocking shield. Colgate smile is somewhat too calibrated to be spontaneous, the result is pleasant (which is to say 'decent bordering on meh'). Translation: we are all buddies and I (S) hope you liked our wee series. I really, seriously enjoyed working with these people and I am relieved we were allowed to promote this series in the middle of the strike turmoil. My well-rehearsed Optimistic Gaze Nr. 4 hides very well my real thoughts, that even @sgiandubh can't telegraph to her readers. And these thoughts have nothing to do with being here (note to readers: above thoughts probably involve a living-room near GLA).

Alfred Enoch: he is the only relaxed person in this picture and the only one whose smile perfectly aligns with his eyes (both sincere, open and enthusiastic). His arms' position is completely natural. Translation: I am over the moon to be here, I managed to work during a really rough patch and I really hope someone has noticed me tonight. Maybe I'll get another gig soon. These people are my friends, but tonight, it's all about myself: it is me I am showing off, selling and promoting here. Hire me: I am the funny one.

Bonus (dotted arrow shows where S's gaze is directed):

I think that needs no further comments. I rest my case, Anon.

Thank you for clarifying, I think you were brave to come back. Don't be a stranger, if I managed to not scare the bejesus out of you, yet.

PS: who knew my Business Intelligence uni credits would come in so handy, in the most unlikely of situations?