#in the grand scheme of things i don't even think it will matter either way

[andy-wm]

i'm wondering how your thesis of "idols will come out when they want" fits into your insane shadow analysis attempting to prove jimin and jungkook fucked in the middle of their travel show (amongst other things)? like do you get joy out or trying to drag someone out of a closet they might not be in? or is it something else? just curious! 😀

Hey wdcmaxy

Since you have the guts to use your name I'll respond :)

So, you read my thesis?

*Sips whisky*

Cool. And you read my insane shadow analysis too?

Hmmm... do you come here often?

Let me answer your question then.

I think we both know the shadows analysis isn't really insane - it's based on very basic earth science. Shadows grow longer as the day progresses because of the rotation of the earth on its axis. You sound reasonably literate so i assume you know this already.

I guess your description of my shadow analysis ( I think I'll name my next racehorse 'Shadow Analysis') as insane is an attempt to discredit the idea that a fair bit of time passed while Tae was out of the house? But that was kinda silly on your part. Even children know that shadows change as the day passes.

Nothing insane about it.

He was gone for hours, no debate.

Now let's move on to the fucking part, and when and how idols choose to come out.

This is actually worth discussing.

As flattered as i am that you think my tiny insignificant blog could be a game changer for anyone, let's be real.

How many people, besides yourself, do you think read my blog?

Serious question.

I'm estimating maybe 100. Double that on a good day. Maybe 300 if i write something REALLY profound which doesn't happen often.

I am way less excited about my impact on the world than you are, because I'm a realist.

BUT if by some strange twist of fate my blog came to the attention of someone whose opinion mattered (I'm not counting you, don't worry) do you think they would take it seriously? Do you REALLY imagine a random tumblr post about shadows could make someone believe that an idol was gay if they didn't already believe it?

Here's a great example of how that wouldn't happen:

You, dear reader.

You're my example.

You came here to tell me I'm speaking shit and that I should pull my head in, correct? My insane shadow analysis hasn't changed your beliefs at all. You're here, throwing a tantrum on my page, because you don't agree with what I'm saying, not because you suddenly believe it.

Or ...

Perhaps you suspect it's true and that scares you. Maybe you can't be absolutely sure I'm wrong and that's why you need to yell at me? Could that be it? Time for a bit of self reflection?

Either way, it's not going to make an iota of difference in the grand scheme of things.

We are all just dust motes floating through time and space, my friend. You dont need to worry so much. The universe is unfolding exactly as intended.

However... There are a couple of things we should agree on:

The fact is that the shadows grew long and therefore, time passed. And Tae was out for several hours. Maybe he went out for a bit of afternoon delight himself? Maybe Jimin and Jungkook played Pokemon Go all afternoon, or prayed, or practiced their English, or braided each other's hair.

Regardless of whether they did or didn't fuck, or how many times, or on what surfaces, the time still passed.

And whether I write my blog or not, people will believe what they believe. And they will be gay or they won't be gay.

And even though I never mentioned anything about them fucking in that post, whether you like it or not Jimin and Jungkook might be fucking right now, as you read this.

One last thing...

Please bear in mind, through all of this, that fucking is not the be all and end all of life. Sure its a lot of fun if you do it right but the notion that it's more meaningful than sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, or giving someone your time and energy, is bullshit.

You can have a roots-deep love for someone and never even think of fucking them. Or you can meet someone in a public toilet and have at it, and leave without even knowing their name.

Sex does not equal love. Fucking is not that big of a big deal.

Unless...

Unless you're fucking someone the patriarchy doesn't want you to fuck. Then its a major issue.

Hear me out.

The need to control who we fuck is based a patriarchal need to control material wealth.

To control material wealth, the patriarchy needs to control reproduction (so they can be sure their wealth stays with their bloodline, because wealth is built over many generations) and to do THAT they need to control womens' bodies.... and to do that, of course they need to control who women fuck. And who men fuck too!

Do you know what the ACTUAL issue is with men who like dick? They don't automatically buy into the patriarchal way of life. (where's the solidarity, lads?)

Why don't they?

Because lifelong monogamy and marriage and nuclear families don't matter as much when you're not equating love with sex, and sex with reproduction. When your goal isn't to accumulate wealth and pass it down to your children.

Same thing applies to women who love women. They aren't focused on being demure and pleasing the men in power. They aren't focused on making themselves wife material. They will challenge the status quo and maybe even (shock! horror!) decide not to have children. How the heck do you make sure your money and power stays in the family, how do you build an empire, when the women are perfectly happy having sex with each other and don't want to love, honour and obey??

And whose fault is all this?

Its got to be the damned queers, right? They're making people think there might be other ways to share your life with those you care about! That's why its important to squash down gayness whenever you can, right, wdcmaxy?

Look at them destroying the fabric of society!

If Jimin and Jungkook ARE fucking every chance they get, good for them. I hope they're balls deep and breathless, hitting all those sweet spots for each other having a really good time.

And if they're not fucking, it actually doesn't matter to me because the way they support each other and share their hearts is beautiful. (I do think they are fucking though)

Truthfully, whatever they're doing, as long as they're happy I'm happy.

Can you say the same, wdcmaxy?

Peace.

[spookberry]

Its been a while so I cant point to a bunch of specific example outside of like, Hera, Athena, and Hephaestus. But okay, one thing that always bothers me about the Percy Jackson worldbuilding is the fact that its fundamental premise is just "what if the greek gods and their stories were real" so there's nothing you can do about how deeply and unrelentingly sexist the ancient greeks were without just breaking your own premise. Like your options are take them at their word to fulfill the premise or say "nah all of them were wrong I have new lore". So I don't exactly blame Riordon for cherrypicking which myths he was gonna edit.

Its just a little wacky to me though that because of it's status as an adaption(to some degree) people don't really critically analyze the intent behind the source material on the gods. Their context from a meta perspective is often overlooked in the grand scheme of the story. Which I understand, the intrigue is on the demigods afterall, not the gods themselves.

However I just cannot stop myself from thinking about it. Like the fact that a big part of why the greeks respected Athena was because she was born "purely of man" and her birth was umblemished via coming from an icky woman. Shes the perfect woman because she lacks ties to womanhood. Shes the ideal Pick Me girl.

The story of Hephaestus's birth is sucky for him, but personally I think more on Hera. To me its always been fairly clear that the intended message you are meant to get out of that story is literally "no matter what, women are worse then men. Even at the one thing theyre meant to be good at." How dare a woman think she could ever be better than a man at something even if she is a Goddess of this thing.

Hera does bad things in her mythos I wont deny that and youre not meant to like her in Percy Jackson either which is fine. We can have complicated and annoyingly meddlesome girlbosss goddess for the sake of plot. Nonetheless I often find myself feeling sad about how she has been dragged through the mud for centuries because people dont dare to think more critically on why the men telling her stories spoke on her the way they did.

[vasito-de-leche]

I was wondering... I've been reading the self-aware au and I wonder if Manus Vindictae is also aware of the player— How does Forget Me Not even react to the concept of the player too if he's ever self-aware of it? A human who calls the shots on the story progressing (clearing levels) and also the one who beats his ass in battle (i had to insight 2 level 20 my arcanists to beat him under 10 turns in hard mode)

Can he hear the player? Can he see them? (I tend to gush over him whenever he speaks, I repeat the scenes he's in 😭 i miss him sm in the story) sorry for all these questions!!! Im so curious of self-aware aus and how they work and yours particularly was REALLY good

;R1999 FORGET ME NOT - Self Aware AU

Headcanons about Forget Me Not within the Self Aware AU.

this is a very good opportunity to think about non-playable characters within the game, actually! ty for the ask o7

there was someone who commented on one of my self-aware posts saying it was kind of like analog horror and I agree lolol

I vaguely remember mentioning that the requirements needed in order to be aware of the Player's existence were to either reach a 100% bond and/or to be exposed to Vertin's constant presence.

Forget Me Not, as an NPC with little to no actual relevant weight in the grand scheme of things (he is only relevant during the 1929 arc as of now) doesn't meet any of these requirements, so I don't think he'd be aware of the player!

His self-awareness is limited to knowing the world around him is fake, which fuels his self-deprecating and self-defeating, deranged, depressing mindset. I like to imagine Forget Me Not doesn't even understand that the world he lives in is a game, he just knows it's fake and that no matter what he does or says, no one will truly remember. Things will inexplicably reset or loop, and even so, he's not aware of the many times he's been forced to battle Vertin and the others because the Player had to grind specific materials. And so on and so forth. In his eyes, the "high power" that could attempt to control this empty world would be Arcana and no one else--after all, she's the one who opened his eyes to the truth through indoctrination.

When it comes to the figure of the Player, I wanted to portray an extremely obscure and detached figure. Vertin herself can't even fully wrap her head around the Player's existence, she doesn't even know if you're human--if the protagonist, the character "closest" to the Player is still left in the dark about these aspects, imagine how it is for other characters who don't have the privilege of acting your will, of being your hands and eyes. Sonetto can't even get a proper look at the Player, she still needs an insane amount of time lingering around Vertin to become more attuned to this somewhat eldritch entity tied to her. Characters of "equal" importance to Vertin, such as Arcana, may be able to perceive the Player in their own unique ways just like her, but everyone else? They need these special cases to even notice such a presence. Vertin is your only link to this world. You're the one looking in, this is a one-way mirror and only a very select few can look into the abyss and realize that something -someone else- is out there, staring back.

Like, of course I'll make exceptions or bend the rules if people request direct interactions between a character and the Player, but if we're talking about the setting as it is, then this is how I picture it.

Can he hear or see the Player? Nope. He doesn't have the means to. He doesn't even know they exist.

Forget Me Not feels superior with his self-awareness, gloating about how he's not like the common rubble who goes on about their day, entirely blind to the horrors. And yet, he's not aware of his limited perception of the world. It's very ironic, the way he looks down on others for the very same crime he's guilty of: obliviousness. Forget Me Not believes everyone outside of Manus Vindictae is too dumb, too unworthy of the freedom that comes with self-awareness. But really, this is just the blind leading the blind at the end of the day. Within Manus Vindictae, we only have Arcana and Forget Me Not as important characters, so it's hard for me to make a proper frame of reference, but overall I think that only Arcana is fully self-aware. Everyone else's perception of reality are equal or slightly inferior to Forget Me Not.

I think this falls in line with his modus operandi, so to speak! The way he believes he truly understands how things are, while turning his back on reality at the same time because he can't take it. He's too delusional, too unstable and frail to acknowledge that he may not be right, that he may be just as lost as when he first opened his eyes, that Vertin, someone so utterly disconnected from his ideals and morals and views, is the "chosen one."

As usual, Forget Me Not prefers to live a lie an double down on his usual habits than realize he always had the chance to change for the better and he just never had the courage to take that road.

How would he react upon finding out the Player's existence and their opinion on him?

I don't know the specifics around how exactly he finds out this piece of information, but either way, Forget Me Not would probably be shaken to his core! This isn't an easy pill to swallow in the slightest. You have to understand that every single time you beat him in battle, he 100% believed it was all Vertin's prowess.

How was he supposed to know she had someone guiding her? How was any of this fair?

Essentially, Forget Me Not has to confront the fact that all of his struggles, all the constant fighting and every conscious choice he's made to further ruin his life, were predetermined, already set in stone by forces beyond his comprehension. It's both freeing and claustrophobic, especially for a character like him who revels in misery and his status as an underdog earning his vengeance. He's done so much, he's worked so hard to get to where he is, and sure, his life is far from ideal, he's still the same self-destructive man, but now you're telling him that this was what the world planned from the very beginning? He had no say in anything? Someone out there decided that he was meant to be like this, and even after gaining self-awareness, he wasn't good or strong enough to break away from the script--in fact, he played right into someone else's trap.

I feel like Forget Me Not, at this point, would continue to do the only thing he knows: he doubles down. He redirects all of his hatred and all of his feelings towards the figure of the Player, if only to justify his existence--he can't live as a free man, he can't be seen as a living being worthy of respect because the plot commands it, he doesn't know where his own conscience begins and where the script and dialogue he's meant to say ends. So he might as well keep digging his own grave.

He loathes the Player more than anything else, because if there was no one to play this game, none of this would've happened in the first place. He fully blames you for every single thing, no matter how big or small. Everything that is wrong with his life can be traced to the person booting up this goddamn game every single day.

And if he learns that you replay each cutscene that he's in, he takes that as an offense.

This is just cruel mockery to Forget Me Not--not only you're the reason he's turned into such a miserable excuse of a man, but now you've turned him into your personal little jester, to sing and dance for your entertainment.

If he finds out that you hate him? That's good, it's a mutual feeling and it makes this tantrum he's throwing much more easier to deal with. But if he finds out that he's your favorite character? It kills him from the inside. How dare you?

His voice gets sharper, more visceral--every word is drenched with such profound hatred that you, from your side of the screen, can't help but think that Forget Me Not's voice actor is doing such a great job! And the artstyle is so good, his expressions look so real!

I can also see Forget Me Not eventually struggle with the fact that the Player loves him and sees him as their favorite character. It's not as easy and straightforward as hating you anymore--he doesn't even know you. He doesn't even know what to trust anymore.

Given how depressing he can be, I think he may latch onto the Player? The rug keeps being pulled from under his feet each and every time, but your existence, as awful and mysterious and controversial as it may be, is real. You're real. I have a lot of thoughts about this specific dynamic, but I'll leave them for another post so this one doesn't end up being suuuper long lol

On the subject of finding out that the Player is a human.

This one is easy! If someone were to tell Forget Me Not that the Player, the bane of his existence, is a human, then he'll just be in denial about it!

I really just like the idea of Forget Me Not having no means whatsoever to interact with the Player, it makes things so much more frustrating for him. Of course this means that everything he does know come from third-parties. And this piece of information is an extra layer of stress that he can't physically process at the same time as everything else in regards to his self-awareness, so he chooses to ignore it. To debate it. To simply deny it.

What, is he just supposed to believe everything he's told about you now? He can't even perceive you properly, let alone understand the sort of creature you are and your influence on this world--for all he knows, the people claiming to see and talk to you are all liars! All of his informants and spies could just be dead wrong, they may have misheard something on the way!

You can't be human, because he can't take another blow to his pride like this. It's humiliating enough to be played like a fiddle in such a way, Forget Me Not doesn't even want to think about the possibility of this small, fake world being at the mercy of a human--part of the very same group that caused him so much pain over the years.

[vesora]

is it a real problem or are you trapped in your mind?

this one goes to my anxious girlies

the past few weeks I've been extremely trapped in my mind, ruminating whether someone would backstab me or whether a friend would leave me and of course there is no evidence of that in real life, it's all in mind. that being said, deep down i know that nothing would happen and im sure deep down you all know as well that nothing would happen. but the what ifs are so strong that you can't handle yourself practising the law.

this doesn't mean you can't manifest during this time, we always manifest, just now you can consciously manifest things you want. e.g. I wanted a psychic message from someone and I received it; I got money when I needed it; I never wait for public transport even if the app shows that it is coming in like 30 minutes (because we don't pay attention to 3d). I've noticed my anxious and extremely intrusive thoughts never manifest, especially after learning the law so I don't want you to be scared of your own mind. You, as the supreme being and consciousness ARE your mind but your mind is not you. In the grand scheme of things, the mind is unreal so what would the "3d" listen to? Some jumble of anxious fearful thoughts that do not exist except from when you aware of it or the command of God themselves?

all in your (unreal) mind:

don't punish yourself, stop harming yourself by trapping yourselves in your mind. simply drop the thought. if you find that hard, you can work on it by eliminating the possibilities but from experience, that still never makes the fear go away. the fear is so primal, so noticeable that the only way it feels it can go away for me is if I end everything and thats not good right? why would God be a victim to her character's thoughts? Why wouldn't God just change the garment?

The hardest thing is to just ACCEPT. "Just accept you have it" was the hardest thing for me to apply because soras entire life was just finding every possible solution for the worst case scenario in case people hurt her or I am seen in a way that doesn't represent her (aka being misunderstood). See how i am using her and sora to describe things I experienced? It's because I have the POWER to completely eradicate any trauma or any pain by just choosing to adorn myself in another state. I am not sora but sora is me, therefore I have control over soras experiences. You are not a victim to your circumstance, when you find the law you have the power to create your own life, you create new circumstances by adopting a new version of yourself. You are in control no matter what the unreal mind says.

breathe in, breathe out:

Excuse my language but honestly fuck the mind???? It only knows what it has learned from its surroundings and you are above the surroundings so why would you listen to such a limited thing?

Do you think if you dismiss the thoughts you won't be prepared for what you think is about to come? Do you feel you constantly have to be on defense mode protecting yourself either from physical or emotional harm?

I understand, I was the same way and sometimes I still revert back to it. However the thing is, who is creating whats about to come? YOU ARE! Don't you get it? Nothing can happen without your consent (once you accept your power of course). You are not a victim to circumstances. You are never the receiver, you are always the creator. Bask yourself in lovely states with lovely thoughts. It is okay if you do not believe it or if your body is resisting it, just please persevere. We can't let anxiety win. What is anxiety to a God?

our negative beliefs falling after we disown them:

Read this by Edward Art

[orthodoxchristianity]

Heartbreak: the art of letting go

This one is a bit personal for me, but I thought to share since I know many other people may be feeling the same way. Please read and share any advice or experience you may have, it would be greatly appreciated. God-bless!

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Heartbreak. It isn't easy. It's even harder being stuck in between two thoughts. Firstly obsessing over what could have been, thinking should I have said this, or should I have said that. Why did I not do this or why did I not tell him that? It's hard to let go of the expectations in your mind or the plans you made that you wanted to share, all the little daily updates you sent waiting to hear back from him. But secondly, as a Christian, my understanding that God does what is best for us stays in my mind. The knowledge that God takes care of us even when we do not understand it. For He knows and sees far more than we will ever understand, and that is okay. Having trust in His timing and His plan for us is vital. I pray every day "God please remove anyone or anything that is not meant to be in my life", and then why do I get sad when God answers this prayer? Maybe I thought I knew him but clearly he was not meant to be in my life anymore, no matter how sad it may be now.

Taking it day by day is needed because in some moments I feel okay, but in other moments I remember how he looked and me and the lovely moments we shared. I know that one day I will look back on all the moments I shared with him and be at peace. I know that love is never wasted. But one thing is to know and another is to actually enact it. It seems to be like a separation between my head and my heart. My head acting rational and reminding myself to not let the enemy tell me lies, whereas my heart still holding onto the hope of what could have been.

I keep thinking why wasn't he the one Lord? Why couldn't he have been the one for me?

I know that it was done for a reason, that the Lord has bigger and better things in store for me. Perhaps this is simply a lesson. My time with him is brief in the grand scheme of life and of all the people and things I am yet to experience. But it is still hard to let go, even though I know it's the end, that's it.

Perhaps I wasn't ready or he wasn't, but either way it seems the timing was not right. As I pray every day, "All in God's timing".

I know that when the right person comes it will be in God's timing and it will be bring me peace, rather than anxiety. I understand that I probably am still holding onto him because of the inherent fear of being single. Seeing so many of my friends get into relationships easily and of course I am beyond happy for them but it is hard to not think oh when will the love of my life come? I guess this brings me back to the concept of patience and trusting in the Lord for His plans and timing is far better than mine. I feel like this society really pushes for moving and doing everything fast, whereas the Bible tells us:

"Love is patient, love is kind...Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV)

I harbour no anger or hatred towards him, for given the circumstances I can understand where he was coming from. I do, however, pray that he heals from anything that is holding him back. I pray for him to let go off anything from the past that is keeping him stuck emotionally. I pray he finds love and happiness.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to the feeling of 'intellectualising' my emotions. I try to solve them rather than feel. I have been trying to slow down and just let myself feel rather than simply keeping myself busy and giving myself no time to heal. I know there is a reason he came into my life, God is teaching me through this experience, so I need to slow down and feel my emotions.

If you are still reading thank you. I know heartbreak is a part of human life, it is something we all go through in various shapes or forms throughout our life. I hope this makes me stronger and I hope that you find peace and love and happiness. Whoever is reading, I hope you heal from any hurt and that the Lord blesses you abundantly in everything you do.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV

[charmedreincarnation]

I’m kind of in a similar situation to your college indecisiveness post bc I want to shift but never have the time cuz all this studying. I’m really hating life rn. I’ve tried shifting a few times and managed to detach my awareness from this reality for a few minutes at a time, so i know what works for me, but I never have time to do it. I feel kind of drained that I could be achieving so much but I’m stuck not even having the time cuz I’m not smart enough to get done with all this HW fast enough

TLDR how do I be cool like you and too smart for school to be a big concern? Do I just say f**k it and do a shifting attempt when I’m supposed to be studying?

This was such a sweet ask 😭😭💖 I'm overwhelmed by the sweetness of your words, and I assure you, I'm far from being as cool as you think. In fact, I found myself facing the very same dilemma in the past! Now, I'm not sure if you're looking for some wisdom from Loa or valuable studying tips, so ill share a little bit of both? Also college-related questions/asks have been pouring in lately, so I've decided to address them all right here. I should probably just make it a post but I’ll use this ask as a reference.

Pre law perspective:

So my senior year, was when I really started my journey. It was during this time that I learned about shifting and manifesting (kind of law of attraction) so I naturally attempted everyday and had my focus to that. However, I basically spiraled into burnout and indifference towards school. Tbh It's still a mystery to me how I managed to do fine in school when I basically stopped attending classes mentally and barely did my work.

I've always had ADHD, anxiety, and procrastination issues throughout my high school years, But senior year took it to a whole new level. The boredom and disconnection from my studies were unbearable. I went through the motions, completing my homework, but for classes I didn't enjoy, I mindlessly attended without caring or understanding the material. It was a year filled with academic mediocrity, and certain subjects like AP Calculus and AP Biology, which I didn't even need for my future plans, were absolute torture.

And at the time I didn’t even fully understand what shifting was, But I clung to the notion that school no longer mattered in the grand scheme of things. Looking back, I realize it was a detrimental mentality to have for my well being. If there's one piece of advice I can offer, it's this - find a balance. Avoid burning yourself out completely, but don't neglect your mental well-being either. You are still here, whether you're shifting or not, whether you’re god or not, and whether you're actively manifesting or not. Diving deeper into a negative mental well will not benefit you in any way. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

As my burnout intensified, I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be alive in this boring ass reality. It became so severe that I almost didn't apply to college. My entire focus was consumed by shifting, and I simply didn't care about anything else. It was my friends who came to my rescue, pushing me to apply and offering unwavering support. Without their guidance and nurturing, I honestly don't know where I would be today.

Eventually, I grew tired of being tired. I began diving into my subliminal journey, creating playlists that combined affirmations for school,success, and luck. I learned the importance of dividing my time wisely. During the second semester, I continued this approach, focusing on school-related practices during the day and dedicating my evenings to shifting attempts.

Affirmations and scripting became the root of my routine too. Miraculously, my grades improved, even when I skipped classes for an entire month or neglected to read the lectures.

I was able to graduate high school with honors, which in itself proves that success or whatever isn’t even just about being naturally "good at school." I worked smarter, not harder and knowing about manifesting really helped with that!

So I really advice you to find a balance in your journey. Don't pour all your energy into just school or just manifesting. Embrace the plethora of easy methods available - scripting, subliminals, binaural beats - and integrate them into your study routine. Make it work in your favor. Treat shifting like a cherished hobby, something that complements your academic pursuits rather than overshadowing them.

Also, set realistic standards for yourself. In high school, I used to obsess over achieving straight A's, disregarding any grade below perfection. Looking back, I realize how misplaced my priorities were. As long as you maintain a mix of A's, B's, and even a few C's, you'll be absolutely fine. Set a goal of achieving a GPA of 3.0 or whatever scale your institution uses, and celebrate every success along the way.

Loa perspective

Ok, now let's talk about the power of the Law of Assumption!

Now that I'm in a place where I give only about 20% of my time and effort to school and still do very well, I can help and reflect on my journey properly. Back in high school, like said I struggled with anxiety and ADHD, and I thought these challenges would hold me back.

Test-taking, deadlines, remembering information it all seemed overwhelming. But you know what helped me? Subliminals.

Listening to subliminals for intelligence and confidence made a significant difference in my life. They boosted my abilities and gave me the belief that I could excel academically. And that belief was everything.

As you probably know the Law of Assumption states that whatever we expect and assume to be true will become our reality. So, I decided to apply this principle to my studies. I assumed that I was capable of achieving great grades with ease. I assumed that school life would be manageable, and I would continuously improve my skills throughout the semester. I always visualized seeing As, revised my past grades, teacher giving me the grade I know I deserve no matter what.

And guess what? It worked! My mindset shifted towards greater productivity, and I started using my time more efficiently. As a result, my grades improved, and I had more time to focus on the things I genuinely enjoyed. It was a game-changer, and it accounted for about 70% of my success. Just imagine that - simply switching my mindset and accepting the positive results from my previous subliminal experiences.

I understand that college can be more stressful and demanding than high school. But it's still the same principle at play. You don't have to drastically change your study habits if you don't want to. Instead, use general resources during the day to aid your studying. And while you're at it, listen to subliminals that align with your goals. Instead of imagining and affirming to yourself that you're a failure and worrying about all the things that could go wrong, shift your focus. Imagine the grade you want, affirm and visualize that no matter what happens on your test, you'll still pass the class with flying colors. Remember, it's just one test, one assignment, and there are so many more opportunities ahead.

General school tips

* Stop checking your grades every day. Seriously, it's only stressing you out. Grades can fluctuate randomly, especially in college (and honestly, even in high school). Instead of obsessing over the numbers, focus on staying on top of your assignments. Keep up with your work, put in your best effort, and trust that alone will reflect in your grades.

* Say no to all-nighters. Trust me, reading the same material for 12 hours straight won't magically make you understand it. If something isn't clicking, it's probably an internal issue. There's no need to spend an entire night alone trying to grasp a single concept. Look for alternative resources like recap lessons on YouTube or seek help from a tutor or classmate. Remember, it's okay to acknowledge what doesn't come naturally to you and instead focus on your strengths.

* Realistically, doing your homework and attending class means you're probably not failing. Even if you're not getting the grade you want, it doesn't mean you're headed for failure. Those big tests that carry a significant weight in your grade may impact your GPA, but they don't define the trajectory of your life. Take a moment to reflect on all the times you thought a single grade would ruin everything, yet here you are, still alive and thriving. You've been through challenges before, and you're stronger than you think. Breathe, remind yourself that you're not alone in these thoughts and stresses, and keep pushing forward.

* Make friends and join class group chats. Trust me, these connections are gold. Joining group chats on platforms like GroupMe or Snapchat allows you to ask questions, collaborate on study guides, and realize that you're not alone in this journey. Even if they're not your closest friends, having a support system within your classes can make all the difference.

* Use EFT tapping for anxiety, especially before tests. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping is not only useful for Law purposes, but it can also work wonders for managing anxiety. Check out my pinned guide on how to use EFT tapping. It has personally helped me immensely, and I hope it does the same for you.

* Work smarter, not harder. The truth is, those who seem to breeze through school while partying every night still manage to graduate and pass just like everyone else. The key is finding shortcuts, utilizing the vast resources available on the internet, and working smarter, not harder. Embrace technology, explore online study tools, and leverage the power of the internet as your greatest friend in this journey.

Here are some free recourses:

Math and Science

1. MathMagic Lite: This app lets you write any mathematical expressions and various scientific symbols easily

2. Equatio: A powerful equation editor that makes it easy to create digital, accessible maths

3. Microsoft Mathematics: Can be used to write mathematical expressions, solve equations, and plot graphs

4. Desmos Scientific Calculator & Graphing Calculator: Utility apps for students and teachers for calculations and graph plotting

5. WolframAlpha: A computational search engine that can solve a wide variety of problems, especially useful for math and science

Article/Video Summarization

6. Smmry: A website that summarizes articles for you

7. TLDR This: A browser extension for quick article summarization

8. Inshorts: An app providing news in 60 words or less

9. Listenable: Converts articles into short audio files

Note-Taking

10. Evernote: A note-taking app where you can jot down thoughts, save things you find online, and even scan physical documents with your phone's camera

11. Microsoft OneNote: Allows for free-form information gathering and multi-user collaboration

12. Notion: An all-in-one workspace where you can write, plan, collaborate, and get organized

Concept Explanation

13. Khan Academy: Offers practice exercises, instructional videos, and a personalized learning dashboard that empower learners to study at their own pace in and outside of the classroom

14. Coursera: Provides universal access to the world’s best education, partnering with top universities and organizations to offer courses online

15. Complexly: A YouTube channel that produces a variety of educational content, including the series Crash Course which covers many different subjects in depth

16. citation machine: you never have to make source citations by yourself. This gives your both in test and citations for your essays and research.

Lastly I’m gonna put all the free resources most colleges offer for free!

Academic Resources

* Online Study Platforms: Websites such as Khan Academy, Coursera, and edX offer free or low-cost courses on a variety of subjects that can supplement your coursework.

* Academic Advising Centers: Most colleges have an academic advising center where students can get guidance on course selection, degree requirements, and academic planning.

* Writing Centers: Writing centers provide assistance with writing assignments, including proofreading, editing, and helping with citations.

* Library Research Databases: Your college library likely subscribes to a number of research databases (like JSTOR, EBSCO, and ProQuest) that can provide access to academic journals, books, and other resources.

2. Career Resources

* Career Centers: These centers offer career counseling, resume reviews, interview preparation, and job search assistance.

* Internship and Co-op Programs: Many colleges have programs that help students find internships or co-op positions in their field of interest.

* LinkedIn Learning: This platform offers courses on a variety of career-related topics, including networking, resume writing, and job interviewing.

3. Mental Health and Wellness Resources

* Counseling Centers: Most colleges offer free or low-cost mental health services to students, including individual therapy, group sessions, and workshops.

* Fitness Centers: Regular exercise is important for both physical and mental health. Most colleges have fitness centers that offer a variety of workout options.

* Mindfulness and Meditation Apps: Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided meditations that can help reduce stress and improve mental health.

4. Financial Aid Resources

* Financial Aid Office: Your college's financial aid office can provide information on scholarships, grants, work-study opportunities, and student loans.

* FAFSA: The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) is the key to accessing federal financial aid, including grants, work-https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/712878654521262080/everything-eft-tapping?source=share funds, and loans.

* Scholarship Search Engines: Websites like Fastweb and Scholarships.com can help you find scholarships that you may be eligible for.

Other questions I got

Q: How did you manifest graduating early?

A: Graduating early was always a desire deep within me. I didn't realize it was on track to manifest until I had a meeting with my advisor. Interestingly, when I found out it was happening, I wasn't as ecstatic as I thought I would be. It made me realize that desires can change as we grow and evolve. So, if something you once desired doesn't bring you the same joy anymore, it's perfectly okay. Life is all about evolving and embracing new desires.

Q: What affirmations do you use?

A: Since I had a multitude of desires in various aspects of my life, I found it tiring to have a separate affirmation for each one. So, I opted for general affirmations that encompassed all areas of my life. For example, I would affirm statements like "I am the luckiest person alive," "Everything works out my way," and "I always get my desires." These affirmations can be applied to all aspects of life, including school. The key is to find affirmations that resonate with you and create a positive mindset.

Q: How do you manage the law/shifting and school?

A: As I mentioned earlier, integration is the key! You don't have to view manifestation or shifting as something separate from your school life. Instead, incorporate these practices seamlessly into your daily routine. The goal is to make it a part of your lifestyle without feeling like it's an extra burden or sacrifice. For example, if a certain method, like wbtb lucid dreaming, is disrupting your sleep schedule, consider switching to other methods like subliminals or reality checks. You can still set intentions before going to bed, which will be effective without compromising your sleep. Find what works best for you and strike a balance between school, manifestation, and your mental health

Q: What to do if affirmations don’t work:

A:maybe you don’t think with words. I’m more of a visual person and will always believe and like images more than words. I would just imagine my grades always being an A. No matter what, no matter if I failed a test or forgot to submit a homework even if I failed everything I still got an A! If you don’t like to visualize then change your wording to how you naturally speak. Maybe you don’t even like affirmations, it’s really different for everyone.

Q:I don’t want to go to this college but I still have to apply, is that affecting living in the end:

A: nope I don’t think taking action or not taking action affects anything If you’re living in the end. Just because you apply doesn’t mean you’ll get in simply because you took the action. Do what you have to do it doesn’t matter if you’re living your 3D life but know imagination is your true reality. If you’re a billionaire and sleep in a homeless shelter that doesn’t take away from the fact you’re a billionaire. Who knows why you’re at a homeless shelter and who knows why you’re applying for college. It doesn’t dictate anything.

Q:I needed to get into the void before college but now I’m here without my dream life and I hate it. What do I do:

A: well it’s happened so take a deep breath. You can still master the void, in fact you already have you’re just being silly and want a funny humbling story. There is no better time than now to be delulu. When you’re trying to escape something and it passes accept it and make it your bitch tbh. honestly keeping busy definitely helped me in my journey anyways, but I did provide tips above so you have free time because you shouldn’t just be immersed in school. For example when I was poor, it was because I needed a humbling back story because no one likes people born into wealth. I’m assuming you still want to be in college, and yea, it’s just cool to have started from the bottom before you become that It girl. That’s your choice and your truth but now you’re done with being humble so go tap into the void.

Q: what’s your perspective on manifesting a perfect life. like nothing bad ever happens but also having a good life with just minor challenges (nothing too big) and I don’t wanna normalize suffering bc who wants to suffer?

A: ok this had a school ask but that was just the gist of it. anyways not that my opinion matters first and foremost. But I think that’s great. Who wants to suffer… exactly. You know I like being human, but I did not like my human experience before Loa. I do like challenges, I like growth, I like not being perfect, and I like being happy and getting what I want too! you can still have all those human aspects and manifest everything you desire. Mary Sues do don’t exist because humanity exists. Don’t worry about it. Your life won’t feel stagnant or unreal or something, I promise

Ok sorry this came out longer than I expected but I had a lot to say. I hope that answers all the asks I’ve been getting ! You all got this, college, your manifesting journey, your anxiety, all of it. All of your dreams & desires are within your reach (right in front of you !!!) so go for it and still live your best life <3!

[animentality]

Looking at a post of yours that was talking about boomers and older Gen xers not voting to help the coming generations and how you are suffering from it. I'm a Gen xer and I agree with the point. I would just point out your generation didn't make much better decisions in the last election. Young males voted Republican. You'll see that every generation when they are young show promise to fix the future but inevitably get caught in the system and shit the bed. I'm not sure why people lose their empathy and compassion as they age because it didn't happen to me. I had a lot of hope your generation would be different. Your showing in the last election broke my heart.

Hey, I didn't vote for him. And I did vote, I vote in every election, even the small ones. My state was blue, we voted Kamala.

But I see your point.

People have been talking about this since voting day.

How there's been so many people saying gen z was going to fix things. Gen z is different. Gen z is more politically and socially aware than any other generation. More compassionate. Kinder.

Gen z is going to be the change that no other generation before them could be... but then the sobering reality is...

people don't evolve this fast. humans are still humans.

maybe it wasn't fair to place the title of hero on a new generation's head, because societal changes don't shift this quickly.

Gen z is still a product of Gen x. and of baby boomers.

Gen z is still unfortunately very human, and humans are always self absorbed and greedy and prone to cruelty when they're desperate or even just when they feel like it.

Gen z exists in the same world that's been spinning for the entire history of the human race.

it doesn't matter what year you were born. if you were alive during the age of the Renaissance or Cardi B.

we have inherited the problems of the generations before us, and we are struggling with new burdens.

I don't think gen z is doing particularly well right now either.

but you know.

we're still young.

things can still change. they always can. you never know just how fast things can change.

people in 1924 never would've predicted the way humans live now, in 2024.

in the grand scheme of things, humans do make huge leaps and bounds in technology and society.

the technology and attitudes of 1930 were soooo far behind 1970, despite being only 40 years apart.

who knows what will happen.

we certainly don't.

[descendant-of-truth]

When are we gonna acknowledge the fact that the whole "Sonic is super cheerful around Shadow who finds him annoying" thing only started in Shadow the Hedgehog and that this isn't, like. their default

You wanna know what their original dynamic was? Sonic getting ticked off by Shadow's very presence, who would stop in the middle of anything no matter how urgent and time-sensitive it was just to mess with Sonic.

(He got sidetracked from his own mission to save Rouge from THE EXPLOSIVES THAT HE SET because the urge to make fun of Sonic was too strong. what is wrong with him)

And it's Sonic who starts their first fight, by the way. He was clearly taking Shadow much more seriously than the other way around; he genuinely wanted to fight, while I'm pretty sure Shadow just wanted to have some fun and show off. (AS THE BOMB IS STILL TICKING)

But at the same time, most likely because he was having fun, he seemed to be hoping that Sonic would prove himself to be something more than just... Some Guy. Why else would he seem disappointed that Sonic could be killed? And so impressed (dare I say proud) when it turned out that he survived by using Chaos Control with a fake Emerald?

All of the animosity was on Sonic's end - Shadow was the one who wanted someone to rival him. He never disliked Sonic, or found him annoying to be around. If he did, he wouldn't have spent so much time around him to begin with.

And they were somehow like this in Heroes, too. Despite his amnesia, Shadow once again listens to Sonic talk for a few seconds and immediately decides that he needs to taunt him. Searching for the answers to his identity can wait, he just thought of a great comeback and needs to style on this random hedgehog for a bit

Then you've got the absolute whiplash of Shadow's game, where all of a sudden Sonic is Super Friendly towards Shadow, who's having none of it. Even if you try to make the argument that Sonic is trying to be friendlier on purpose because he wants to bond with Shadow more, the game portrays it as if this is just How Sonic Is.

Sure, I'd expect him to be picking fewer fights with Shadow when they're working together to save the world, but he's like. borderline giddy all the time. it's kinda funny but so, so confusing in the grand scheme of things.

Sonic 06 gave a much more sensible portrayal of how the two would talk to each other after they're done being enemies, I think. There's a little bit of rivalry in there, but it's not born out of them conflicting with each other. There's no hesitation to work together, no grumbling from Shadow, and Sonic isn't being uncharacteristically excitable about it.

(Plus they retained the silent communication thing they had going at the end of SA2, which is nice)

Unfortunately, 06 was the first and only time that we would see the two of them written this way, as friends who maybe don't "hang out" but aren't the type to bicker or turn everything into a competition at the expense of practicality.

There was no hesitation to the respect they had for each other, either, which is easily the most baffling part of their current portrayals. Not even their Boom counterparts had any hangups about that, and they were legitimately antagonistic towards each other most of the time.

Case in point, I think it's very easy to look at their designs and put them into stereotypical little boxes where Sonic is the ray of sunshine while Shadow is too edgy to find him anything but annoying, but that's just. not how they are at all, and the actual ways their personalities used to bounce off of each other was both funnier and more interesting in my opinion

[elainsgirl]

If SJM decided to "end" elriel for gwyn and azriel then that would just make him the worst mmc ever. He would genuinely be seen like a f-boy. You have a crush on elain and out of nowhere you want gwyn and not elain anymore??? That makes no sense. I won't be reading that book if sjm does that.

Not to mention, not many people know about gwyn and azriel- or like even shipped them or read the BC. so it would make no sense if you just smashed gwyn and az together in the next book! Unless you have another way, of course. But gwyn and az need more build up for that to particularly happen. I never understood the ship and I'm trying to. I never was attached to them like most people... but if she decides to do it. MAKE IT SLOW BURN, PLEASE. Don't rush it and force the bs.

If the spinoffs were styled like tog or even CC - where you have multiple characters povs in the span of multilevel books, any ship is possible. Elucien? Gwynriel? Azris? Elriel? Etc they all have the same chance as happening because in a multi pov series its so easy to show readers multiple relationships developing at once. In this style, you could totally have Elain and Az in a relationship but showing from both sides how it isn’t fulfilling then showing them get closer to their final Lis in a nice, angsty slow burn. This would probably span in the space of two books.

That is not the case with the spinoffs. Each book only focuses on one couple, therefore Sjm isn’t going to write about elriel and then break them up…only to have Az go with Gwyn. It also doesn’t make sense style wise - you’d need Elains and Azriels pov in their relationship to get how both sides feel- then Gwyns as well as she is the “final” Li for Az. Thats 3 messy povs but these are your standard two pov romances. Either elriel will happen and be in a relationship till the end - or they will simply not happen at all in canon. All those previous elriel moments, lore and buildup we’ve had for the past 3 books will just end. Which isn’t Sjms style.

By acowar, Sjm knew the couples. There was no reason to make elriel a thing at all. If they were rebounds - they would’ve been in a relationship by acofas - again, not the case. Even Gwynriels say that Azriels relationship with Mor is more important then his relationship with Elain, it brings the question - why would Sjm choose to make elriel a thing in the first place? What is she trying to achieve? Elucien had the angst without adding Az into the mix yet Mass chose to do that anyways. She chose to show and tell us Az is who Elain wants. How elriel are what each other needs and I dont see the point in making them a thing if they’re not endgame. Its not Sjms style. She doesn’t strike me as the author to put so much thought and effort into something that won’t matter in the end.

I always say this: Whilst it may seem the online acotar fandom is huge - it truly isn’t. It may take up 60% of the entire fandom. Out of that 60 - you have many that havent read the bonuses, not interested in any ships etc. I think the simple fact Azriels chapter isn’t being reprinted shows how unimportant it is in the grand scheme of things which isn’t good for Gwynriel because that is their foundation.

My stance has always been - If Mass was to come out and say the style of the spinoffs have changed and its multi pov - then I believe any ship has the chance to happen but with what she confirmed about the spin-offs, said in interviews and simple foreshadowing in the books - it all builds upto elriel being endgame. If it was gwynriel - She would have introduced Gwyn in acowar or acofas and we would’ve seen some gwynriel foreshadowing in those books as they’re the ones that have the clues for future books.

[midnight-mourning]

DCA Promptober Day 26: Scorch

Ignore that it's no longer October, I got busy. As a treat, have some ANGST for my being late

Word count: 880

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

You can hardly see in front of you, you can hardly breathe. Every gasping inhale merely sends you into a coughing fit. 

Your hands search blindly to guide you, give you any indication of where you are and what's going on. You're scared, terrified even.

You don't like fire, you don't like fire, you don't like fire-

You sit up in bed, breathing heavy. 

You touch a hand to your chest, patting once to ensure that yes, you're alive and whole. No broken parts or-

You pause, then shake your head, a weird though that you elect to ignore as your heartrate slows down again. 

Your hand fumbles on the nightstand for the glass of water you'd left there, you don't dare to allow yourself the opportunity to look at the time. 

You gulp down the drink as you contemplate how many times now you've woken up like this, from that same dream. 

It's been, months. You can't even recall when it started. You know it wasn't immediately after the fire that burned down the Plex. No, sometime after that. 

You still can't wrap your head around why you're having these dreams though. You weren't at work that night, nor have you ever been in a fire yourself in any shape or form. 

And yet, these dreams, they're so, vivid. You can feel the heat of the flames, you can taste the ash on your tongue. The crackling of the fire as it licks at your feet. How it burns. 

Scorches.

There's never an escape, you've tried. You always start in the same location, the middle of the Daycare. And no matter what direction you run, no matter what falling debris you dodge, it's always the same. You wake up before you can make it out, before you can break free. 

If you could talk to someone about all this, you would. But you don't even know how to go about trying to explain this to a therapist. It was, in the grand scheme of things, beyond confusing. 

Part of you wonders if it isn't guilt. Guilt for not being there, for not saving them. 

You should have been there. You would have been there, if not for, that. 

"Sunshine~ You have to hold still!"

You giggle, "I'm trying it's just that, the string tickles!"

"Well, you're simply going to have to get used to it because you're never ever taking this off," Sun huffs.

"Okay, okay."

After a few more adjustments, he ties the end of the bracelet off, snipping off the extra string.

"There! All done! What do you think?" He leans in closer, "You like it right? Right?"

You shoo him away, laughing, "You know I do! I like anything you make for me, silly."

He holds his head up with pride, hands on hips.

You take the moment to actually look at the friendship bracelet, he'd been insistent that you couldn't take any sneak peaks or the likes until after he was finished. 

The beads are on a red string, with various little celestial-themed charms. There's something spelled out in the middle of it all, and you read it closely, heart falling as you do.

'Love Always' With a heart on either side of the words.

The Attendant picks up on your silence, "Is everything alright, Starshine?"

"I, you don't," You start to slowly shake your head, eyes glued to the bracelet and yet desperate to look anywhere else, "You don't mean that."

Sun laughs, but there's a nervous edge to it, "Of course I do! Why, why wouldn't I?"

"No, no you don't," You get up suddenly, panicked and frantic.

You need to get out of here. You need to leave. This is too much. There's no way that he could possibly, that either of them would even consider you-

You jump when Sun's hand touches your shoulder, now standing as well.

He tilts his head slightly, "Do you think that we," His tone grows weaker, just a smidge, "Don't care?"

You stare up at him for a moment, heart pounding in your chest. But, you're a coward, and you can't face this. Can't face the idea that they don't love you the way you love them. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

"I have to go," You turn away, starting to move to the doors. 

A hand on your wrist, "Wait!"

You pause, but you can't make yourself look back to him. 

"Please. Don't go."

You bite your cheek, pulling away, voice a mere whisper, "I'm sorry."

You're out of water, but you're not anymore tired than you were when you first woke up. 

You are, however, filled with more regret. Regret for what could have been, regret for what was. 

Maybe it is guilt that's the cause for all this. The scorch the fire left on you as punishment for your inaction, for your fear. 

You set the glass back on the bedside table, laying back down again and cuddling a spare pillow. 

As you bring the bedding closer to you, your eyes catch sight of the bracelet, a haunting reminder that will probably stay with you until the end of your days. 

You close your eyes as the tears break loose, choking back a sob.

You owed them this much, at least.

🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Yikesss, that's tough, ain't it? Well, bummer for you i guess! Anywho, other promptobers are here, thanks for reading!

[mjjune]

A Hot Take(?) on Critique/Beta Comments: Self-Determination Policy

Consider this a spin-off from my Beta Reading Series which you can find here. (you don't have to read them to follow this post, but if you like this post, you'll like the whole series.)

I was discussing this with a friend who works for a crisis center/hotline, and we ended up agreeing that their "Self-Determination Policy" was a similar mindset that we take when beta reading each other's work.

Since it goes along with most of what I said in my previous posts, I thought I would expand on it here. Again, this has my usual disclaimer: this is all personal experience/opinion.

content warning: there is mention of suicide below

Below:

What is Self-Determination?

Self-Determination in Beta Reading

What About Giving Advice?

What To Do Instead of Advice

Tips & Examples of Comments

TL;DR at the bottom !

What is Self-Determination?

Essentially, at hotlines and other crisis centers where volunteers or workers are taking calls from those who may be a threat to themselves or others, they have a rule that the caller is responsible for any decisions they make, even if that decision is to take their own life. These policies both acknowledge that the caller retains their right to make their own decisions, as well as protects the workers from potential lawsuits or accusations.

To paraphrase from an actual policy: workers are to explore the caller's feelings and build a relationship of trust so the caller can explore all options.

So that's what I want to talk about here! This policy is exactly how I approach beta reading, and it's also how I want my readers to approach beta reading my own work.

Self-Determination in Beta Reading

First, I want to clarify there is a difference between critique partners, alpha readers, and beta readers. All readers/writers may have different expectations for each type of reader. For me, this self-determination policy is perfect for beta readers, but would not necessarily be appropriate for critiques or alphas.

For more on this, see my posts on alphas vs. betas here, and on critique vs. betas here.

There are two main self-determination points that apply to beta reading:

We won't make decisions for you. We support the decision you make.

You are the expert [on your story]. Our advice or opinions are not important*

And this is exactly the mindset beta readers should approach a story with!

Many readers come at being betas with the mindset "I want to make this story as good as possible" and this is a great mindset, however we need to dig deeper if we want to have a good beta/writer relationship and actually make the story better.

And going deeper means betas acknowledging that the writer is the expert, the writer is the one making the decisions regarding the story, and that the readers should support those decisions no matter what. Yes, even if they disregard your comments. Yes, even if they change the story in a way you think is making it worse. Yes, even if you have more writing experience.

* I do want to clarify that obviously beta comments are important. But the point here is that in the grand scheme of things, the writer's opinion is the only one that matters, and what is important is all the betas' comments together, not yours individually.

Wait, Then Should I Not Give Advice?

Honestly? No.

Just like how the crisis hotline does not offer advice or solutions, beta readers shouldn't either.

However, there is a slight deviation from the self-determination policy that I want to make here:

In the crisis hotline, a worker would not give advice or solutions to the problem but would share resources for the caller to make solutions on their own. (This might be referring to a specialist or going to a hospital.)

However, they would ask before providing these resources. The same goes for beta readers.

Providing resources would depend on the writer. Some writers might welcome craft-based resources, and some writers would see it as offensive. (I know if I was on draft 4 and satisfied with my book and a beta sent me a link teaching show vs. tell, I would be pretty upset lol)

Beta readers are here to read and give comments, but this does not open the door for advice unless the writer has explicitly asked for it. If you're beta reading and giving any type of advice, whether it be how to fix a problem in the story, how to pitch/query/publish it, what changes should be made, etc — then you are breaking this self-determination policy and not truly being a beta reader. (instead, you are more resembling a critique partner)

So What Do I Do Instead of Advice?

Rather than advice or solutions, betas should be sharing reactions, ideas and analysis.

I know, the line between these and "advice" can be blurred. This might even come down to the way it's worded, and the way the writer interprets it.

"It might be interesting if you explored [x] more."

"I can't picture this scene, you need more description."

"I'm struggling to connect to this character."

"This character interaction directly parallels the one that happened earlier and it shows how the characters have changed."

"The first act is too slow. You should work on pacing."

Which of these are reactions? Which are ideas? Which are advice?

Some are clearer than others, and ultimately some people would probably disagree.

Personally, the only ones I would consider to be advice are 2 and 5. These go against the self-determination policy because they make the step from being about how the reader is experiencing the story, to how they would change it if it were theirs.

Because that's what this comes down to. The story belongs to the writer, not the beta.

Now this is a "do as I say not as I do" situation. As a beta, every book I read I do what I call my "two-page ramble" where I do analysis for 2-3 pages (literally) about the themes in the story what I would do if I were the writer. However, I preface it, saying that. I tell the writer ahead of time and even separate it from the rest of my comments so the writer doesn't even have to read it, if they don't want to. Some writers ignore it, and some say that even though it's not what they would do, it gave them ideas they hadn't otherwise considered.

And another caveat: some writers might be totally fine with readers giving advice! This is why it's important to have good communication between betas/writers. Before reading you should not only discuss what kind of feedback the writer is looking for, but also where the story is in its development, and what the writer hopes to achieve with the story.

Tips & Examples

The key to avoiding advice and sticking to analysis, reactions, and sharing general ideas really comes down to wording and the focus of the sentence. From my experience both with counseling and beta reading, I focus on these two things:

1. "I" statements

This keeps the focus of your comments to you and how you are experiencing the story. This helps stay away from "you should" type sentences, which are always leaning towards advice/solutions.

Examples:

I am struggling to follow this plot point

I don't feel connected to this character

I can't picture this scene

I was/wasn't expecting this to happen

I'm hooked/haven't put the book down in [x] chapters

I am losing focus/bored in this paragraph/scene

2. Open-ended questions

This comes straight from my counseling class as well as my friend who works at the crisis hotline. Open-ended questions typically start with "what" with the goal of getting the writer to think—analyze their own writing and story. If you want to be extra considerate, avoid "why" questions because these are often interpreted as offensive/attacking.

These questions essentially replace advice. Instead of saying "you should do [x]" these questions guide the writer to figuring out what to do on their own.

Because ultimately that should be the goal. Instead of "I want to help this writer make their story the best it can be" we should go further: "I want to help this writer figure out what they want to do with the story, to make it exactly the story they want to tell."

Essentially, if you feel like something is missing, or something needs work, instead of directly saying "this thing is bad, here's what you should do" you ask an open-ended question instead. If you feel like a character's interaction doesn't feel genuine, or you don't understand why a character is making a decision, you might ask "What is your character thinking in this scene?"

Another thing I personally do is combine these "I" statements and open-ended questions. This does two things: 1) pinpoints the exact feeling the reader is having/problem they see and 2) asks a question that will guide the writer to hopefully finding an answer

Combo Examples:

I don't see the point of this scene, and I'm bored. What was your intention for this scene before you wrote it?

I'm confused about this character. What influenced your character to make this decision?

I'm struggling to connect with this character. What does he want/what is his goal?

To show how these comments are better (and following self-determination), let's look at the first example.

If you are bored or don't see the point in a scene, you might be tempted to give advice and tell the writer to cut the scene entirely (or tell them what to change). However, this self-determination-based comment instead tells the writer that you are bored/disconnected (which is invaluable!) but instead of giving advice, asks a question that will hopefully lead the writer to analyzing the scene and figuring out what they want to do about it—because the truth is, the writer may choose to leave the scene as is, and that's fine. Cutting the scene might not make the story better. There are so many reasons a scene might feel slow or boring, and it's not the beta's job to fix it. It's the writer's.

TL;DR —

Self-Determination means that you do not make decisions for anyone other than yourself. This means regardless of what the writer decides to do with your comments, you support it. You do not know what is best for the story, or how to fix the problems it has.

The writer is the expert in their story. As a beta reader, you should approach with the mindset that you are here to share your reactions, ideas and analysis of their story so they can make it better.

Self-Determination means: No advice. No solutions. Engage, listen, ask questions, analyze, share reactions, and support the writer in whatever they choose.

(Unless the writer explicitly asks for it. This is why you should communicate beforehand!)

Peace out ✌️

~MJ

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

Why I Think Sissy's Bedroom Was The Luggage Room

Also Thoroughfare and Sissy Slaughter (especially with my Family OC that I made specifically to be her best friend and how they met on the road) >>>>

Also I apologise if any of the GIFs or pictures are of shitty quality, this is QUITE the post, apparently-

So one thing that has always annoyed me about The Family House, especially since we now have Nancy's House, is that not everyone has a bedroom!! And I know it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but to me it does!! Grandpa, Drayton and Nubbins all have rooms, and Nubbins' room is the biggest and has plenty of room for two (also in Museum Mode, which, as I've previously stated, I believe to be what the House canonically looks like outside of the puzzles and regular in-game functionality, there's a second mattress in Nubbins' room that could have once been Choptop/Bobby's).

But yeah, Sissy and Bubba lack bedrooms. Now, Bubba has since moved to the basement, which has a number of beds in it, so we know he at least has somewhere to rest his head. I choose to think that the Study was Bubba's childhood bedroom that Drayton has since turned into a second office for himself.

But either way, he know Bubba has a bedroom somewhere, even if it has changed.

But then...

Where did Sissy sleep growing up?

We know that she lived at the Family House when she grew up because she ran away from there when she was in her teens or early twenties. Which means she had a bedroom. Now, it's possible that she shared a room with the twins since some people think that they are triplets, but I personally believe Sissy to be slightly older than the twins, but share the same mother (I have made three different family trees for the game's family 🧍 and I know the whole point is that we don't know HOW they're a family, only that they ARE a family, but my dumb ass likes concrete connections so if y'all wanna see those, let me know). I also feel like with that many rooms, they could surely carve out a space for their only daughter, surely? So, if not with the twins, and if there's no room now...

Where did Sissy sleep and what happened to her room?

Here's my proposal; The Luggage Room.

Firstly, this is one of the only rooms inside the house that have a Poison Station for our gal to use. There's one in the back porch area, which makes sense. Kinda like a conservatory with plenty of sunlight for her plants, but it only holds one... Sprig? Of her poison. There's another in the basement, but like, what business does she have being down there? None! That's Bubba's domain, it's likely down there just so she has more poison nearby for gameplay reasons. But upstairs, there are two sprigs (?) and it feels a little more tucked away. There's something about the way that her Stations are designed that feels girlish and cosy, like as a child, she painted those flowers and as she got older, got better at drying flowers and making and preserving things for it. Not to mention all the boxes underneath with the bone charm, it's very "this demands space, but we don't really want to acknowledge that space", it's being used for storage, it's in a corner, it likely scarcely gets used anymore.

Also I don't think the fusebox is usually in here. Again, it's for gameplay variety, I headcanon that it actually always is in the room next to Nubbins', it feels like a space carved out for electronics.

There's also the fact that this is called the Luggage Room.

These people don't travel!!!

And yes, I know, this could be luggage from victims, but they already have a bunch of that piled up in the Den. For a 'luggage room', there isn't a lot of luggage in it at all! Three little trunks. One big one. The rest is wrecked furniture and bone art. For a luggage room, you'd expect it to be full of suitcases and trunks and backpacks, but no. Four. That's it. (Unless I'm missing one or two, but my point still stands!!!)

Now, I'm not saying this room is called the Luggage Room because Sissy travels, luggage = travels, therefore luggage room = Sissy's bedroom. But for being a room name for its purpose, it doesn't serve its purpose very well.

But if it's "the luggage room", something Drayton muttered to someone once when they asked, or when Sissy demanded to know why her room was destroyed he just made something up on the spot, it'd make more sense than just taking it at face value.

There's also the sheer state of disrepair that this room is in. I think this room has the most damage of any other in the Family House, even the basement is more structurally sound. But I believe the reason for this is more story or character driven than anything else.

No one is happy that Sissy left. Every single member of the family is pissed off or upset that she ran away, and Johnny and Nancy are even more angry that she came back (Johnny because she could have started a new life, something he's always wanted to do, but failed and came back, and Nancy because... Internalised misogyny and Boy Mom Syndrome™-)

I think that once they realised she was gone, after a few days went by and the realisation dawned on them that she wasn't coming back?

Someone, or maybe multiple people, took their anger out on her room.

But who would have done that?

In my mind, there are four candidates.

1. Bubba

We know our sweet lil skin wearing boy doesn't exactly handle his emotions super well. We also know that he is extremely protective of his family, and that Sissy is (in my opinion, going from voice lines alone) possibly the only member of the family who loves him unconditionally apart from maybe Nubbins. Drayton is Drayton, Johnny is nice to him, but does see him as a killing machine, Nancy babies him and we can assume that Hands really cares for him (I actually think that Bubba would be Hands' favourite if not for Johnny), but he communicates in growls and purrs (very hot growls and purrs, mind you, but growls and purrs nonetheless), so we don't know for sure.

Sissy is his sweet big sister. She's kind to him, genuinely, no strings attached. I also headcanon that she gives him her old makeup and seeing her get dolled up made him want to start doing it too, but that's besides the point. Sissy, like everyone in that family, means the world to him. And so when he finds out she's... Gone? That she abandoned him, him, her baby brother?

He just can't help himself. It was an accident, of course, a tantrum, one he immediately regretted and thus tried to cover up with newspaper and cardboard, but the damage was done. I think he is probably the only person Sissy would forgive for doing this to her room. I also believe he is the only one capable of cutting a hole like that in the wall, which is why he's the first candidate on my list.

2. Nubbins

Honestly? I think he's least likely. But he's here at spot number 2 because he's not as interesting as Bubba's reasons and I have better ones on the way, so it's a forgettable spot and it's my list, okay? I can format it any way I want, bitch.

Nubbins and Sissy get on well enough. He irritates her, definitely, but she matches his crazy and he's her lil brother, albeit far more annoying than Bubba and Bobby. He's angry at her for leaving, but he doesn't harp on about it, only mentioning it once and using it more to brag about how close he is to Grandpa than to make her feel bad. He actually cares about her travels and references stories she's obviously told him, meaning that not only does he listen and take an interest in her life, but that she trusts him enough to tell him about something that clearly means a lot to her.

He's not angry, really, and definitely not enough to destroy her room. But I also think he's far more torn up about Bobby!! That's his twin brother, gone to Vietnam, of course he's more upset at him going and eager to have him back than his big sister running off to see the world. It's interesting that Nubbins' voice lines for Choptop are the only ones we have yet to hear, but I'm banking on him being elated that he's home rather than being angry that he left. Also this will be the first time we get to see the twins together in any capacity, like they have never interacted on screen before, I can't wait!!!

3. Johnny

We know from the Lore Stream that Johnny and Sissy used to be very close when they were younger, but once she ran away, Johnny felt betrayed, and even more so when she came back.

He wants nothing more than to leave this behind and live a normal life. But he knows, deep down, that Nancy is right; he wasn't born a Slaughter, but he was raised as one, and he can't pretend that he wasn't. He is Family, and so he doesn't even try to leave. Apart from trips with Uncle Hands, he's stuck here and he knows it.

So when Sissy leaves, that hurts enough, his closest cousin (in my headcanon) running off and doing what he wants to do.

But then she ruins it for herself. Starts killing, joins cults, gets messy. She's the Terror of I-40, and people know her face. She can't just go back out there, not really. So she fucked up, and now she's blown her chances out there and has to come back. And she's different now, she believes crazy things and talks about stuff Johnny will never experience and has seen places he could only dream of, but even still, she's back here now, just like the rest of them. She proves to him that even if he did go? He'd still be a fucked up serial killer, and he'd eventually get himself caught. So, really, better stay home, huh?

But I don't know if he'd wreck her room over it. He's volatile, sure, but I don't see him doing that. He has other ways to get his anger out, probably drinking and killing, he doesn't need to destroy her stuff. But his reaction to her and their relationship and how it's changed is super interesting. I don't personally ship the two, no judgment if you do and I can definitely see the appeal if they weren't cousins, blood related or not, but the way they have changed and the way they went from being super close to almost enemies is so interesting. I also headcanon that Johnny leverages some of Sissy's guilt about leaving him and the others in order to get her to help him kidnap and hide Maria, but that's not exactly relevant rn-

4. Drayton

Something I find really interesting about Drayton in comparison to everyone else is that he just wants Sissy to stay home.

"why can't you just stick with the family"

Nancy wants her gone, doesn't care about her at all, Johnny's angry that she came back, Nubbins is largely ambivalent to the whole thing. But Drayton wants her to stay, and is more than willing to say that (albeit, indirectly. I think he'd rather eat Nancy's boiled and unseasoned dinner than admit his real, actual feelings to his family). He worries about her out there, in his own way ("I ain't never trusted that trash you scurry around with"), and obviously he didn't turn her away at the door upon her return.

We also know that Drayton has a few interesting habits. @/ofthehands (idk if they're comfortable being tagged) on here has some amazing character analysies of Drayton (specifically from the films, but I feel like it applies here too), and one especially that references his childhood and his habit for hoarding which I really recommend. But it makes sense, at least to me, that he would be the one to shove a bunch of crap into her old room and fill the space, especially in an attempt to remain 'unfeeling' about her running off.

There's also, again, the fact that the room has been patched up after the damage was done. Ever-practical Drayton would absolutely see to it that the rook was fixed up as soon as possible, you know, to keep the house looking "nice".

I can see him going in there after the realisation kicks in. His little and only sister (again, going off my family tree). Gone. Left. Because she wanted more? Because she was different? Because she was unhappy? He doesn't understand. Hasn't he tried to make this house a home? Hasn't he done so much for them all? Hasn't he always? And he just... Blacks out. Comes to with the room completely battered. Never speaks of it, orders Bubba and Nubbins to clear the place out, but won't let them touch her flower table. He didn't touch it either. He doesn't know why. But over the next few months, he patches it up to the best of his abilities and, when he needs space for his collections, he shoves them in there. It's just a room now, right? Gotta be practical about it.

I think it could have been any one of them, or even a combination. Maybe Bubba and Drayton had the same idea, same reaction. Who knows. But it's destroyed now, and Sissy has nowhere to sleep. I imagine now she takes one of the sofas downstairs.

Now, here's something that is VERY English student of me, but I didn't get those two A* for nothing, and I'm not getting my degree for nothing either, so here we go:

Outside the Luggage Room are these two birds. These models are not unique to this area or even this map, but what is unique about them is the way they are placed. In regular gameplay, we pass by this spot so many times, it's kinda hard to notice or care about it. But once I noticed it, and especially once I saw it in Museum Mode and private custom matches, I fell completely in love with it.

There is a light that casts the shadows of the birds on the slanted ceilings, making this corner just so... Idk, special?? To me???

But it means something to me that this corner is right outside the Luggage Room. Birds symbolise a lot of things, but most commonly, freedom.

Sissy longs for freedom and adventure, she wants to break free from the Slaughter House and her family and be her own person. But when she tries, she is immediately forced to become everything she seemingly didn't want to be because the world was not a place of adventure or fun. It was dark, and bleak, and full truckers who wanted something from her, something she didn't want to give, something she had to kill to protect...

And then her hands were bloody. Of course she knew how to kill, she's a Slaughter for god's sake. But was this her first? Did she just hop out of the truck and keep going on her way? Or did she sit there?

Sit there with this body, shaking, terrified, because she just killed someone. All on her own, and she's too far from home to get help getting rid of his guy or to bring him back for dinner. She can't go home now, and prove Drayton right. She has to keep going. If only she could snap out of it.

We know how her years away go. But when she's back, she doesn't want to stay. Has no plans on doing so. She's still that bird, longing to get away from all of this, give it one more go.

But, just like those birds in that corner, she can never be her real self. She will always be a shadow of a person, scurrying from place to place after slitting a throat or stealing a new dress, she can never be truly free, she will always be held back by who she is, who she was raised to be. She will never leave the birdcage; she is just like the rest of them, only she has a string tied around her ankle that lets her fly just that little bit further, the illusion of adventure.

I know that last point isn't proof that the room is hers. But it feels to me like a little hint at something, that whoever lives in that room is a songbird dying to take to the skies and never go back.

Just like Johnny, Sissy is a Slaughter. She can't just forget that. She can't just pretend she's someone else, it is as much a part of her as her own skin. So even if she tries, there will always be a tell, always be something not quite right about her, like they can smell it on her.

She just has to hope that they won't mind the stench.

... Oh wow that was a yap sesh huh-

[freeroam]

Crawling in your inbox fiending for more zorida…so what do zo and frida like to do for fun together? :)

weeeeellllllll . . . 😏

no fr HJHSFBNJSK the straw hats get up to some pretty outlandish things, so just about anything that a couple could POSSIBLY get up to, they've done three times over. but in the grand scheme of things it's almost like none of that even matters, because the little things they do with each other on a daily basis far surpass any "extravagant" thing they could get wrapped into together.

to get the obvious out of the way, they train together, and even though it's not Just for fun, over the years sparring definitely becomes a favorite pastime for them (even if frida's not training with him!!! she loves just sitting in the crow's nest with him while he works out; she'll hand him water and towels, she'll sit on his back while he does pushups, all while chatting away with him, happy to be in his company and see him sweaty and out of breath. training frida has become something of a love language to zoro - he knows that she will never come close to his physical strength, but he wants her to make herself stronger so that she can defend herself. they have faced horrors beyond anything he'd ever imagined, and seeing her get stronger and more agile with her knives not only gives him a sense of pride, it relieves him as well. he knows that she's capable.

another thing they really love to do when they're out on the sea is stargaze at night :") the one piece earth is something like three or four times larger than ours, i love to imagine one of frida's secret little side quests is documenting the constellations she and zoro come up with late at night. (a lot of their favorite little activities are at night actually - zoro sleeps Any time but majority of the time it's during the day, so he's usually up for most of the night. and frida loves it because 75% of the time, it's the quietest time of the day, so they can get some Really Good Snuggles in.)

sanji trusts frida in the kitchen after he closes it because she helps him clean it after meals anyway, so she makes them both little snacks and they'll sit up far away where no one would be able to hear them, and just Be together. talking, sitting in comfortable silence, they just love being with each other <3 (zoro will also frequently sit in frida's "tailor shop" {her room lol} and either playfully try to distract her, or quietly nap while she works. and she loves it <33 having him close to her makes her feel safe)

when they're out on islands (and not on world-saving missions) frida loves trying drinks at the various cafes and restaurants she finds. and not alcoholic drinks either, just fruity, herby, sweet, savory, hot, cold, ANY kind of non-alcoholic beverages you could imagine, and she'll drag zoro along for it. she jokingly calls it "going bar hopping," and he playfully groans anytime she suggests it because, oh please woman, that is NOT bar hopping. but most of the time the drinks are delicious even if they don't have any alcohol in em, so he's barely getting "dragged along" at all lol

but zoro also loves "dragging" frida to armories/weapons shoppes and showing her various different makes and blades, regions he thinks they may have come from, etc. She loves listening to his extensive knowledge on the subject, because not only does he know so much about swords, he knows a thing or three about knives too, which are right up frida's alley.

to finish up, just one more thing they love to do is ...drink together lol, similarly to how zoro knows a lot about weapons and wants frida to be able to choose the best one and be able to defend herself with it, he also wants her to know what alcohol she likes!!!! my mans loves himself some booze, and he actually puts a lot of thought into what drinks he thinks frida would enjoy when he comes across them.

"hmm...this might taste good with one of those fish dishes she cooked up the other night...which one was it?"

"blegh, too sweet...frida would love it"

"this one's similar to the one we drank on [X island here] that she really liked"]

and of course vice versa, frida always keeps tabs on what kind of sake zoro is most frquently drinking these days. his tastes tend to switch after a certain period, almost like his palette gets bored and he wants to switch it up. it's really cute n silly <33 so she loves searching for good sake that he'll be excited to drink (but he'd be excited to drink anything she got him as long as it wasn't what She drinks LMAO<333)

they do so much together...they do everything and absolutely nothing at the same time, and either way they're happy about it because they just ,, love each other, a lot

oh also they both love hanging with chopper together the three of them are like , a widdle family, chopper is lowkey zoro's parental free trial

[deltaruminations]

i think a core idea in deltarune might be the question of "quit or proceed." any story with One Ending ultimately comes down to this choice -- put it down early and leave it unfinished, or see it through to the end. deltarune is just taking that to an extreme by telling us that we're responsible for the state of the world, that world-state ultimately depending on how we answer that one question. in most stories, the ending exists outside of the reader's choice of whether or not to experience it. the reader is only observing. but within the logic of deltarune, that ending has to be Made, and in the grand scheme of things, the only choice that matters to that One Ending is at what point we put it down and walk away. we might have options to proceed non-linearly, and the illusion of "routes," and other, smaller choices might impact our experience along the way, but these choices are (again, in the grand scheme of things) ultimately illusory relative to the overall trajectory of the story. the only way to meaningfully progress is to keep going, no matter what that means, or what might happen next.

and this idea of "Making the ending" was true in undertale, too, but undertale offered clear choices for how to proceed, and multiple endings to reflect those choices, and the player always had agency in their outcome. they were told upfront what their options were and always had the information and the opportunity to pick the Good One, and as long as they always picked the Good One, then it was always morally correct to continue through the end. if they continued past that ending, then they did so fully knowing that it came at a cost to do so. and if they ended up with the worst possible outcome, then it was entirely on them. they always knew better and had chance upon chance to turn back.

in deltarune, "quit or proceed" itself is a moral question, and not one that's so easy to answer. proceeding at all is ethically fraught on the baseline, because we can't even play the game without controlling kris. but we can't say it's righteous to quit, either, because quitting (as far as we've been told) means allowing the entire world to end. we have no Good choice here, but we're apparently responsible for what happens either way, and we're forced by the game to choose one. and maybe, for now, continuing is obviously the less bad of the choices -- kris might be frustrated, but surely dooming them is worse -- but that choice to Proceed might only become harder and harder as the story goes on.

and you have to wonder how much this same dilemma extends to others across the membranes of power. why does kris continue to tolerate our control and our choices despite their frustration? why don't they rip out their SOUL during a Weird Route despite being horrified by it? why do they make yet another fountain afterward? is it because they believe that "quitting" will cause something even Worse to happen?

why would gaster knowingly sucker us into this impossible situation? is it because he's a cold-hearted Scientist seeking knowledge for its own sake with no regard for ethics? or is it because he's in an impossible situation of his own? if kris quits, then we have to quit, because we can't play the game without them. if we quit, then gaster has no choice but to quit, too, because his project has no shot without us. and what happens if he quits? does he believe that the consequences of him quitting are bad enough to justify doing things that he knows are wrong, that directly conflict with his morals, that are actively painful to do, if he thinks that's the only way he can proceed at all?

[queerpunktomatoes]

This isn't something I really talk about on this blog but as someone who is chronically ill/mad, a lot of y'all stop caring about autonomy and a person's right to choose how to care for themself when it's an 3@t!ng d!s0r3r. (Yes, I'm pissed that I have to censor that, and I'm really sorry to people using screen readers.)

I've had this experience for over ten years now, and while I am so for people "choosing recovery" and sustaining hope, that's also not the only option or the only one that's somehow morally correct. Some of y'all are out here acting like I have absolutely no brain cells when I say that I'm not "in recovery." You act like I'm either "crazy" and therefore unable to rationally make a decision or I just have a d3@th wish. Neither is true.

The system royally screwed me and many other folks over. I was privileged enough to be in specialized treatment as a teenager, and obligatory "this is just my experience," but it was all about refeeding. They didn't care about why I was engaging in these behaviors. They wanted to make sure I was medically stable and then they sent me back to my parents' house with strict instructions to keep an eye on me. In many ways, treatment made it worse.

(I have one specific memory of group therapy, where we were talking about body trends throughout history [presumably to illustrate that the perfect body is a myth]. The therapist said, "How about Marilyn Monroe?" I started, "Well, she was thin, but she wasn't-" and the therapist cut me off to say, "No, she wasn't!" and explain how she was curvy and beautiful and everyone loved her. This was well-intentioned. But to me, the teenager with years of obsessive urges and crippling body dysmorphia, who legitimately was fatter than Marilyn Monroe, this became a core memory. It might seem a small thing, and in the grand scheme of things, it is. But I learned a lot about what was expected of me in treatment at that moment.)

Treatment inadvertently taught me many things. It taught me that recovery needs to be fast, because it's a drain on family members if it's too slow. It taught me that people who looked like me don't need recovery the same way as others, I needed to "eat normally" and leave. It taught me that it didn't matter what I needed, what I was getting from my behaviors, because the behaviors were bad. It taught me that my experience was somehow intrinsically different than others', because maybe I really did need to lose weight. It taught me that if I wanted to be a good person, I needed to "get better."

So when I "failed" at recovery, I felt horrible about myself. When I lapsed and relapsed and struggled to stand up on my own, I felt morally inferior, because recovery is what you do. People who don't recover d!e. Good people try harder.

I've come to realize, now, that I wouldn't use these behaviors if I didn't need them. I don't enjoy them (contrary to popular belief). I've found some alternatives that work sometimes and others that never do. I've been in therapy for years now, and every therapist says the same things about needing self-confidence and healing childhood trauma. But it doesn't matter, and it never has. I have a great relationship with myself. I think I'm wonderful, and I see my weaknesses, and I'm committed to my growth. Yeah, there's some childhood stuff, but I've been working through it for years, and I'm way healthier now than I have been historically.

And I still use these coping mechanisms. And I think I might always, to some degree. Could I "get better"? Maybe. I don't know, honestly. That's a massive amount of time and resources. It's hard work that demands your focus and energy and money. It's even harder work for people who are multiply marginalized to access services. Maybe I will pick "recovery" one day.

Right now I'm committed to harm reduction. I eat when and what I can. I take care of myself when and after I use a behavior. I'm honest with the people I trust. I don't pretend this isn't happening to me and I don't pretend that it doesn't suck. And equally, I let myself have good days. I don't invalidate myself when things are going well. I don't lie to myself.

And I'm not "crazy" for choosing this. "Recovery" as a concept is inaccessible to me right now. I'm Autistic and have yet to find a provider willing to accommodate my sensory issues. I'm a student and unable to pay for better health care. I'm just not ready to recover. (They say you'll never be ready, and I disagree, but that's another post.)

This doesn't mean I'm engaging in everything all the time and spiraling constantly. I do what I can, when I can. But people consistently act like this is not a rational decision. But it's my body. It's my life. It's not the safest way to live, and I know that. But I get to pick anyway.

I know this post is chaotic and I'm not sure if I got across what I'm trying to, but the point is, even if I wasn't picking harm reduction as the current safest, healthiest, reasonably accessible path for me, it would still be my choice. If I decided to engage until I d!ed, that is still my choice. I, and other chronically mad people, should still have autonomy. I'm still a person. I'm doing this for a reason, and calling me "crazy" or "incompetent" only serves to alienate me more from the recovery I might eventually choose.

But I deserve support even if I never, ever, "get better."

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.214 thoughts

[Five Nights at Fuuko's]

(Contents: predictions - Kururu/Tatiana & Billy, analysis - Tatiana, speculation - Negator tragedies/Untouchable)

Kururu

Hngh...Kururu...only a single line of dialogue right after losing your arc...it's not fair...

Ah well, I do really like the idea of her being an evil teammate, begrudging everything that she's made to do until everything snaps and she's forced to choose between betraying her captors or realizing that she loves them. That is the plan, right, Tozuka? And there is an omake coming up where we see why she's choosing to go along with them in the meantime, yes? Hm???

Tatiana

Of course, since we've started the Tatiana arc, it's only natural that Tatiana get the lion's share of the focus this time around. Much like Top, her story is pretty different this time around, though instead of having her tragedy avoided and then taking a different path, this time her tragedy has been significantly delayed, to the point that the tragedy itself now has the potential to be much more devastating than before. Exactly how it was delayed I have no idea, but that's the kind of thing that I don't think really matters too much in the grand scheme

Tatiana & Billy

What does matter is where her story is going, and with Tatiana meeting Betty before anyone else in the Union, I think I'm starting to get a clearer picture of it. Last week was basically just reiterating the plan to use Remember, which seemed redundant at the time, but with this chapter hammering home that Billy's family is very much present this time around, I think that Tozuka was trying to set up how Billy and Tatiana's family dynamic was going to reemerge despite both avoiding their tragedies. By creating a sisterly bond between Tatiana and Betty, it will be easier for both her and Billy to incorporate their recovered memories into their current personalities and lifestyles without either feeling like they're intruding on the other's revived families. Granted, we've only seen Tatiana interact with Betty and not Veronica, and Billy interacting with Tatiana's parents should logically be its own can of worms, but that should be easy enough to patch over

Tatiana's Hair

While this new version of Tatiana's story changes all of the surface details, the core of her story remains very much the same - Tatiana is isolated from the world around her, this time by her career rather than by her Rule. As she so succinctly puts it, she can't touch the people that are special to her

I've said before that long hair is a recurring symbol for isolation in UU, and while Tatiana's is certainly much shorter than it was in L100, it's still quite long. In fact, it's because of her distinctive long hair that she ends up getting swamped by her fans, with its dramatic reveal in her recreating Fuuko's iconic long hair reveal in ch.1. Even being shorter than before, its length both symbolizes and enforces her isolation and loneliness, which in turn almost incites her tragedy, which would bring her further isolation

Negator Tragedies

Speaking of, this is the first time we've ever seen a Negator's awakening be halted rather than just having their tragedy be averted. It's subtle, but I think it goes a long way in explaining the mechanics of the tragedies. We've gone back and forth on this for a while, so let's do a quick recap

Originally, we believed that God (likely Sun, but maybe Luna too) arbitrarily chose Negators upon the previous Vessel's death and then timed their awakening for the least opportune moment

Then, we learned that the previous Vessel chooses their successor upon death, and many fans started blaming them for the tragedies, believing them to be negligent at best or malicious at worst

From there, we theorized that while the Vessels chose their successors, God decided on the time of awakening, watching with bated breath for the right moment

This chapter though suggests that Rules have something like preprogrammed triggers, that they transfer into the successor and lie dormant until certain conditions are met. These may be specific to the individual Rule, but I think it may be a decently broad range of criteria. In Untouchable's case, her ability has now been shown awakening under two completely distinct circumstances: when Tatiana was happy (her birthday party with her favorite cake) and when she was upset (being surrounded by people that made her feel isolated). This suggests that God has the trap set to spring at any moment of extreme emotion, whether it's the saddest, angriest, or even happiest of the Vessel's life. Certain thoughts and desires pertaining to the Rule may qualify as well, like Void wanting to hit his opponent to win his fight or Sean wanting to pass his audition for a movie so he could be seen, but those are both still strong desires and may qualify as extreme emotions

The main point is, this scene makes it quite clear that God is actually pretty hands-off with the moment of activation itself. Rather than plotting and controlling the course of the Negators' lives, it's more like he put a mousetrap in their souls before going back to his own business while he waited. Of course, it is also possible that both are true, and that God does take direct action to facilitate the Negators feeling extreme emotions. UMA Heat's appearance in Gina's town was a bit spontaneous, and unlike Fuuko getting her jacket caught on some rebar, I'm pretty unclear how Tatiana lost both her hat and her wig...didn't seem particularly windy to me...

Pinky Promise

With Tatiana's awakening being averted, though, Fuuko was able to make contact without incident, claiming that she was back after 200 years to finally make good on her promise to Tatiana. At first I thought she meant she was keeping the promise to hold hands with Tatiana once they had normal bodies from ch.25, but I realized there were a few issues with that: 1) Fuuko still has Unluck, so the conditions for that promise haven't been met; 2) Tatiana still doesn't remember Fuuko, so the significance of that promise would be lost on her; 3) they shook hands for that promise, when this chapter deliberately made note of pinky promises being important to Tatiana

Upon realizing that, I hightailed it to the Ragnarok arc, and sure enough, Fuuko and Tatiana's parting in ch.121 was a pinky promise to meet up and become friends again in the next Loop. I'm sure plenty of other readers picked up on that just fine, but for anyone else who thought it was for the first promise, know you weren't alone in making that mistake

What's Next

So now the question is how Fuuko's intervention will change Tatiana's interpretation of Untouchable. I think it would be massively cruel to have her go back to being a naked Kinder Surprise after learning about her current insecurities and career, so I would hope that her new version will be a bit more lenient, like maybe counting her clothes as an extension of herself, or perhaps regulating her barrier to be imperceptibly close to her body so her clothes can fit over it?

Either way, I expect she'll still have Sphere, Nico did say that he's already working on it, but I think it would be cool if she could use it as a versatile armor along the same lines of Top/Isshin's Runner's Regalia or even Void's Next Ring and Creed's End War. If she does, then I hope Sphere will get a better name to line up with all of those

Actually, I suppose the best question right now is how long it'll be before we even see Untouchable again. I figure it won't be next chapter at the very least, but whether it's the week after or a month from now, I can't really tell. I kind of hope we take a little bit of a breather, just chilling with Tatiana as friends and helping her develop some dynamics with the group for two or three weeks before all hell breaks loose with UMA Time or War showing up to rain on the parade and prompting Untouchable to become a bigger beast than it's ever been. Who knows, maybe we'll even get lucky and get a little bit more Kururu in that time...

Until next time, let's enjoy life!