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wordsandrobots · 8 days ago

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OK, my lovely followers have spoken (or pressed the like button, which I am going to assume counts). For Shino/Yamagi day 2025, here is a preview of something that will very much become smut just as soon as I find the right brain key to hit to let me write porn without a long-term end-goal or a toothsome emotional tangle to unpick.

It will be fun. Eventually.

[Disclaimer: this is post-endgame content for Wishing on Space Hardware, a post-canon Iron-Blooded Orphans fanfic that involves me grabbing hold of every single loose thread, making one (1) very important alteration to the events of the series, and then running off towards the horizon, cackling and sprinkling consequences in my path like deranged confetti. It is the single longest story I have ever written, has received such glowing reviews as 'LOOK HERE YOU BASTARD' and 'HOW DARE YOU', and wilfully embraces polyamory as a solution.

What is the problem? Doesn't matter. The answer is polyamory.

Anyway, here's four dumbasses trying to safe-sane-consensual their way out of a wet paper bag.]

“So…” Eugene begins, staring around at a lounge decadent in size and luxurious in furnishings, “are we really doing this? Having an orgy or whatever?”

Yamagi breaks off from inspecting a bedroom that is likewise yet somehow even more so and gives him a look over his shoulder. “You haven't ever actually been to an orgy, have you?”

“Oh, and obviously you have?”

“I got invited to one once. But I ended up wussing out.” He shrugs. “Too many people, not enough time to work out what really turns them on.”

“I know, right?” Sri throws up her hands. “All the casual intimacy of a gang-bang and every other guy's stoned out of his skull anyway, so it's either going to get very boring, or you have to join them and what's the point of an experience you barely remember?”

“…huh.” Yamagi's eyebrow rises for a moment, then he turns back to Eugene. “You need a lot more than four for an orgy.”

The other man pinches the bridge of his nose, tamping down the suspicion his ears have started to go red. “Thank you, Mister Pedantic. What I meant was, are we really going to have a foursome on your wedding night?”

“Eugene.” Shino hurries up, taking hold of his arm with an expression of grave concern. “Buddy. Please tell me you are not trying to talk yourself out of doing this. Kudelia bought us a room here and everything!”

“I'm pretty sure she didn't do that just for – there are three bedrooms!”

“Oh fuck me.” Yamagi slaps his forehead, deciding he's not nearly drunk enough to deal with this. “Somebody stop him, he's trying to be gallant again.”

Shino gently shakes Eugene, an insistent push and pull, equal parts aggravated and kid-tugging-on-a-sleeve-for-sweets. “Yeah, it's my wedding night! Which I wanna spend with my husband, my boyfriend, and my boyfriend's girlfriend, because why the hell wouldn't I want to do that?”

“Yeah, but – Yamagi, come on – are you really –?”

“I literally dragged you into the taxi myself. How many times do I have to tell you – me and Shino getting married isn't going to change anything! Stop being such a – a –!”

“I think,” Sri puts in before they can find out exactly what term of abuse this situation warrants, “he's probably a bit worried about me being here. Isn't that right, Big Man?”

That, at last, puts a pause on proceedings. Shino lets go and shuffles his feet. Eugene brushes his jacket straight and pins Yamagi with a look of his own. “You want me. I get that. Shino wants all of us because of course he does. But you're the one who's always calling Sri 'awful'.”

“Well, she keeps calling me 'short-arse'.”

“That's true, I do.”

“Exactly! You two are – are you seriously telling me you'll be OK with –” It is ridiculous, in Eugene's opinion, that the times where he needs to talk seriously about love and sex and so on are when it becomes the hardest to get the words out. “I'm all for fucking until we can't stand up but I don't want it to get fucking awkward in the middle, you know?”

“That's actually a good point,” Shino agrees, scratching his neck and casting a glance at Yamagi, who rolls his eyes over-dramatically but then seems to accept that it is, indeed, a point.

He puts a hand over his heart. “I solemnly swear,” he tells Sri, “not to bring up the fact you nearly got Eugene and Shino killed by an evil robot again until at least tomorrow morning. Even if getting hurt protecting Atra and Akatsuki doesn't actually make up for it.”

She laughs. “In that case, I promise to temporarily ignore the fact you're a smug little jerk who needs to learn to let things go. Although obviously I'd sooner kiss an exhaust pipe.”

“Oh, yes, absolutely, no.”

Eugene groans, knuckling his forehead. “Urgh – that's what I'm talking about!”

“OK, OK, just to be crystal clear.” Jerking her thumb towards Shino, Sri asks Yamagi, “For tonight, you're fine with me and these two getting up to whatever we like where you can see?”

“Why else do you think I wanted you to come along?”

“Ooooh. I get it now. I'm a wedding present for your blushing bride.”

“I mean, I can think of places I'd tie the bow…”

“Hah! Ah, what a shame my kinks don't include being gagged. Worse, I bet yours don't either.”

“Guys…” Shino shakes his head, grinning more than he's genuinely despairing of them. “That's gotta have been the shortest peace treaty ever.”

“Fiiiine.” Yamagi moves across to the table where they put Atra's 'gift bag'. “I'll play nice.”

Sri shrugs. “Apparently, he doesn't actually hate me.”

Making a dubious sound, he picks up the bag, then goes to grab Eugene by the tie. “I'm still going to suck your boyfriend off right in front of you.”

“I mean…” She chucks Shino under the chin, and that grin focuses solely on her for a second, cheerfully lascivious. “Who hasn't?”

...