#in terms of knowing me better? pretty much russian roulette

[nibwhipdragon]

🖤🤎🕸🍻💞 for the ask game!

🖤(I admire you from afar)

Same here! I don't think our main interests line up too much, but it's nice to see your art and the sort of stuff you reblog!

🤎(I want to know you better)

Once again, I feel the same. We're mutuals, but it feels like we're not with how little we talk and know about each other haha

🕸(We've talked once)

...Have we????

Ok ok actually after giving that some thought I think I did send you an ask saying happy birthday once? It was before I followed you I think?

🍻(I want to talk to you)

SAME. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU SO BAD. Like. I know Arrax is my only mutual I talk to on a daily basis, even exchanging our discords and that, but like. I basically don't talk to you at all and I feel bad for it haha

You seem to post about final fantasy a lot, after I finish Sonic Frontiers (hopefully) I'll continue playing ff7 remake, and that'll pave the way to us talking more (and maybe I'll finally find out the context to "Me? Gongaga")!

💞(I love both your blog and the content)

Even the divorce stuff? Even the purposefully terrible drawings of characters doing weed and smoking massive blunts? That's...surprising for sure!

[theharrowing]

"writing some of the darker themes is always going to evoke some negative feelings and invite controversy, but for those of us who find it cathartic, i think it can be very warm and healing."

wow lol what a playful way to say you like to write about rape, murder and abuse. please seek therapy.

friends, sorry i can’t post content warnings before messages, but you can see what this one deals with. my response doesn’t have such blatant language, but feel free to skip this post if it makes you uncomfortable. 

hello, darling anon! thank you for taking the time to write such a concise, thoughtful message! it always brightens my day to hear from strangers online who clearly have no experience with my actual body of work, nor knowledge of who i am as a person, and who hide behind anonymity and self-righteousness.

funny you should assume that i have not sought therapy, but you may be surprised to find that those from whom i have turned to for counsel have told me the very opposite, and have had some pretty interesting, deep conversations with me about catharsis and nuance.

writing and reading about darker topics is cathartic to some, whether you like it or not. it's fine if you disagree, but you can literally just scroll on without complaining. it's actually free of cost to curate your space in a way that feels safe for you and only engage in content that you feel safe engaging with.

i am reminded of a really thoughtful twitter thread on this topic, and i will post some individual tweets from that thread here, with links to each tweet, starting with this graphic:

(image link)

You do not "own" trauma. Some random stranger is NOT "romanticizing (your) trauma" when they write about or draw fictional characters in a traumatic situation. In many cases, the person is writing about THEIR OWN trauma using fictional characters. It has nothing to do with you. (link)

You're gonna see triggering things online. That's how the internet works. It's like Russian Roulette. Even if you utilize mute and block features, sometimes things still slip through the cracks and you see triggering stuff anyway. It's a risk that comes with using the internet. (link)

So the fact that people are complaining about fanart and fanfic - THINGS THAT ARE USUALLY TAGGED - is infuriating to me. You see that the fanfic has triggering tropes in the tag? Don't read it. You see an art tag that upsets you? Mute the tag so you won't see it on your tl. (link)

The internet is not a true "safe space." There's no way to 100% safety proof the internet to your specific comforts. I'm not saying this to be cruel. I'm just being realistic and practical. You can't blame others because your personal trauma was triggered by a random thing online (link)

If you see triggering content online on accident, that sucks and I'm so sorry that you experienced that. But it is not anyone's fault. People are allowed to post (nearly) anything they want online (especially in fandom spaces when fictional characters are involved)- (link)

It's not your fault either, especially when you take precautions like using muted terms. It's just an accident and the nature of the internet. And getting angry and upset at random strangers isn't going to help anything. (link)

You're allowed to feel discomfort ofc. But this misplaced... entitlement? Anger at others for posting fictional content? That isn't it. That's not the way to deal with that. (link)

It's a waste of energy, first of all. Good luck trying to get people to stop posting things that upset you. It's a lost cause. No matter how much I dislike (certain tropes), this is the World Wide Web that billions of people have access to and people will post that thing anyway- (link)

So it's better to just - as best as you can - let it roll of your shoulders. It is literally impossible to stop people from posting the thing (especially in fandom) so instead, switch your energy to seeking out things that you know appeal to you and bring you good feelings. (link)

You see something triggering? You close the window, take a moment to yourself, start fresh and find something that is more appealing or healing to you. Feeling discomfort or being upset is fine. Trying to go on some crusade to stop it? It's just not practical, I'm sorry. (link)

Being angry about others posting certain fictional content is like being disgusted by seafood and going to a restaurant and getting angry and upset because the diner the table next to you ordered fish. You are at a place that can and does serve fish. (link)

It's not practical to get upset at them about it. You can be annoyed or irritated that now you had to smell fish during your dinner. But you can't be angry at the restaurant or the servers or the other person for doing what they are allowed to do in that space. (link)

Also - you can complain about it, I guess! My issue is y'all need to stop demonizing people who are into darker FICTIONAL themes and who tag their content. You can dislike their crap yeah but stop acting like they're literally Satan and stop blaming them and fiction for abuse. (link)

...i think that sums up, pretty well, my thoughts on the matter. and, again, if you disagree, that is perfectly within your rights. but accusing folks of romanticizing something awful (which is what your message felt like) is...silly. grow up. hide tags, mute words, block me! it's really so easy.

thanks for the message, sweetie! have a great night!

[dabisbratz]

MIND GAMES.

a/n: thank you @slutouya for collabing with me~ we should do this more often<3

WARNING: gunplay, russian roulette, degradation, threesome (towards the end, with dabi), ftm reader (pre op- uses the term ‘cunt’ to refer to genitalia)

word count: ~2.7k

Tomura is careful to keep distance between his back and the large shelf of glass bottles behind him as he hauls you up. He all but drops you onto the wooden counter, keeping his crimson eyes locked on the exposed skin of your neck. His slender hands, decorated with veins that snake up his arms, are feverish against your clothed skin, eager to rid you of your stubborn clothes. He wants to break you apart and put you back together, to see you tremble under him, to watch in anticipation, to fear for your life. It was in his hands, you were at his mercy, and he’d do a damn good job at marking you as his.

The thought had been on his mind for weeks, trying to figure out how to bring it up to you in a way that might sound appealing- in a way that you would agree to it. Though surprisingly enough when he brought it up, you agreed almost immediately— Russian Roulette but with his fingers and a gun testing your luck. There was a singular bullet in the chamber, for every time you shot it at the wall and there was no bullet, he would add a finger.

The lump in his back pocket was unmistakably a revolver, individual bullets resting just beneath the butt of the gun. He uses his free hand to pull it out, making a show of the light bouncing off the cool metal. His smile is something sickening, curled upwards with something that could only be described as indubitable hunger. With his pinkies raised, he removes his hand from the hem of your shirt and pulls out the bullets. His laugh makes you flinch, the high pitched excitement laced in his voice lets you know he’s genuinely serious, genuinely excited. He spins the chamber with his pointer finger, and slides in a bullet, just as your eyes avert to the wall.

“Every time you shoot and there’s no bullet, I add a finger.” The pads of his fingers traced the veins along your neck for good measure, “If you get a bullet before I get all 5 fingers, I’ll fuck your little body into unconsciousness, yeah?” Despite your heart pounding rapidly in your chest, you agreed, hoping you wouldn’t completely regret ever agreeing to this. It’s Tomura, you can almost never know what you’re getting into with him.

“Going soft on me already?” He feels you go pliant against his hand, the blood coursing through your veins pumping with nothing but built up arousal. He places the revolver right between your eyes, and if you were to die tonight those bright red eyes would be the last thing you’d see. He pretends to bring his attention back to pull the trigger, a loud ‘Bang!’ escaping from his lips just to watch you flinch. If he doesn’t get on with it soon you might just pass out. “I don’t think so, you better fucking work for it.”

Tomura placed the gun in your open palm and closed your fingers around it. You of all people knew that he wasn’t a patient man at all, so you knew by the gesture he’d silently been telling you to get on with it. You flexed your arm in hopes of trying to get the trembling to stop, you suddenly contemplated why you ever said you wanted to do this. The trigger is pulled with a ‘click’, no bullet. His index finger curled around the side of your throat, the way his smile looked felt as if he was teasing you and a nervous shiver crawled up your spine.

“If I blew those pretty brains out there wouldn’t be much, would there?” He forces you to tap the gun against your forehead, soaking in the quiet whimpers you make each time cold metal meets warm skin. Tomura was quite the impatient man, bringing his thumb down just as you flinched against him. There was barely any distance between his last few fingers and your skin. He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, eyes narrowing down as he hisses. The way he looks at you has you squirming, aching, and you want nothing more than to have him use you for whatever he wants. “Brainless. You want me to throw you around? Fuck you stupid and leave you for someone else?”

He knew you were desperate, he truly did, he knew if the outcome was getting fucked brainless you’d do it. The man knew he could tease and degrade you up and down because you wouldn’t back out- just so you can get fucked. “Again.” His voice was gravelly and demanding. Despite feeling like the gun would slip from your hands, you pointed the barrel at the wall and pulled the trigger, only to hear another disappointing ‘click.’ His middle finger found home right underneath his index, you’ve never wanted time to pass faster than you did right now, it was truly agonizing.

He’s neglecting you, ignoring you, like there wasn’t a wet patch growing beneath your jeans. Like you weren’t pressing your thighs together for, fuck, any kind of friction. He leaves you high and dry, rutting against nothing and pleading for more. He considered stuffing the gun down your throat, forcing you to gag on it and beg for him to stop, to pull the trigger, just about anything. He ignores your pleads, watches tears bead up in your eyelashes, watches you blink them away, and stares as the saltiness runs down your cheeks. How pathetic. How cute. He has the power to take everything from you if he puts down one more finger, shoots one more time, so he draws it out by tapping his index and pointer against your neck.

Before he can demand you to pull it once more, your tugging at the trigger. You try so hard to prepare yourself for the inevitable disappointment, for the inevitable ‘click’ to sound throughout the room. But it never came. Because instead of a ‘click’, a very loud ‘pop’ replaced it. You started to think you hallucinated the sound, that you were so desperate you imagined it, but you didn’t. One look at the wall to your right there was a small but noticeable hole where the bullet sat. You got it, you finally got to the bullet. The gun was set on the bar top and Tomura shackled his hand around your throat, though keeping his pinky finger away. “Look at that.. the little whore finally got the bullet.”

“Don’t tell me that got you going?” He purrs, shaking the gun with enthusiasm as if checking for something. The sounds he makes are low in his throat, the sound bouncing into your (slightly) ringing ears and straight down into your groin. Just a little more, just a little more and you’d be all his. Though his grip on your neck is tight enough to send your eyes rolling back, you manage to finally get his meaty thigh to slot between your legs. You’re yearning for it, desperately chasing your relief against his thigh. You couldn’t lie, having your life in his hands had your knees weak, and you were practically ruining your underwear. When he brings down his final finger it isn’t against your skin, no, but the fabric of your shirt.

The skin that your shirt was effectively covering your skin was suddenly nothing but pure dust, gone just like that. Even though that was your favorite shirt you knew better than to complain about it. Anticipating that he would do the same to your pants, you quickly slipped them off and tossed them on the ground before he could. He could already see you dripping on the counter and he grabbed the backs of your knees to drag you closer to the edge and push you back against the wood enough so that only your head was hanging off, “Already so fucking desperate just from that hm? Though I would expect nothing less from a whore like you.”

He does nothing but roll his eyes as you babble, bringing his hands down to travel from the arch of your back to the swell of your ass. You’re dripping, coating the skin of your inner thighs in something somewhat sticky, and if it weren’t for how impatient he was growing, he would’ve taken the time to take you apart with his tongue. He takes the extra mile to neatly remove his clothes, just so you could buck against the space separating you from his cock. To him, you were his hole to fuck. To fill with whatever he pleased, whenever he pleased. He spreads you apart, groaning to himself when your walls desperately clench for something, anything, to fill you up.

You were suddenly flipped onto your knees to hopefully situate yourself in a more comfortable position. “Please, please, fuc- do something!” The pure desperation was very evident in your voice as you hadn’t bothered to try and conceal it. He knew what he was doing and he always knew just how to make you a whining whore. “Please I can’t wa-” Whether it be due to your incessant begging or his own impatience, he immediately cuts you off to roughly shove his cock inside with one thrust- sparing you no mercy as he always does. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

He grunts, giving you absolutely no time to adjust or bottom out as he piledrives you, hitting that specific bundle of nerves that makes you wail. You’re squelching around him so good, ‘like a good boy,’ he’d say later, taking him so well. Tomura’s cock isn’t small in the slightest, in fact it’s curve will have you walking sideways for the next few weeks. He’s deep inside the second he’s out, pulling out completely to drag you onto the length of his cock again, and again, and again. He clasps his hand over your mouth to quiet your sobs, rocks you against the countertop until you’re seeing black spots in your vision, “So greedy for it, you live to warm my cock with your cute little cunt, don’t you? Aching for it, fuck.”

“Such a greedy fucking whore. Jus’ sucking me back in every time I pull away.” He grits through his teeth and your fingers dig into the counter as he fucks you with a force that makes is seem like he’s deliberately trying to impair your walking abilities. “Such a greedy cunt you have little boy.” Every quick, merciless thrust of his cock robbed the breath out of your lungs. From the corner of his eye Tomura noticed the light-haired man standing from beside the door, peeking in in a way that you couldn’t notice him. “So greedy might leave you here for the league to pass you around. Bet you’d fucking enjoy that hm?” He didn’t need an answer because it was clear in the way your walls tightly clamped down around his cock.

“Bet if you- oh, fuck— if you saw someone watching you’d just beg for more, wouldn’t you? Not enough for that little hole of yours, is it? You need more than one cock, don’t you?” Tomura smirks to himself, making a show of gripping your hair so you bare your neck. Littered in marks from the past and a fresh handprint from the cute game of Russian Roulette, your throat strains as he pulls you back. It rips any, if not all, sounds from you until your voice is hoarse and scratchy, but Shigaraki doesn’t care. Your pathetic wailing eggs him on more, pushes him further, fills him with the need to give you what you want, to fuck you full of him. To have cum leaking from your hole and down your legs, just for him to scoop it back up and push it back inside. To keep it there. “Insatiable slut.”

His venom laced words only spurred you on further as well as the grip he had on your hair. The pain only making you clench around his cock even more. “The question is- fuck yes— who? Compress? ..Maybe even Dabi?” He laughed bitterly in your face, he knew he was right. He always was. The tears that were pooling now started to race down your cheeks and trace along your jawline. “S’just never enough is it? Always begging for cock whether or not it’s mine or someone else’s.” Without thinking his tongue slipped from his lips and followed your tears all the way up your cheek. The front of your calves and knees begun to hurt from both holding up your weight and them rubbing against the counter from his thrusts. “Maybe later but not until your stupid cunt is creamin’ around my cock.”

“You clenched harder, that really what you want?” He clicks his tongue, shaking his head in faux disappointment. It almost hurts, the thickness of his cock pressing deeper and deeper into your cunt when all you can do is sit there and take it. You hug him so well, pulling him in until there’s nothing left. Tomura doesn't let up for even a second, spreading you further to stare down at his dick spearing you until you pass out. The revolver, discarded by your hand, is picked up once again. You thought that would be all, assuming he’d only put one since the very beginning, but the thought makes your blood run cold. He could’ve actually killed you. Your moans are garbled, but he understands that you’re protesting. He asks, though he knows you’ll take whatever you give him, “One more..fucking..bullet. Want it in that sloppy cunt? Maybe in the head? Shit, how about down your throat?”

Your tears fell down your face much faster now. Deep down you knew Tomura wouldn’t do it, though the fear that he just might made your throat close around the barrel like you would with his cock. “I bet- hah, shit yes- bet I could fuckin’ do anything to you and you’d still take it with this drooling cunt of yours.” He grunted through his teeth as he felt you continuously clenching down on him. “Aw is the stupid slut gonna cum? Hm?” You attempted to nod but with his hand shoving the gun down your throat it was harder than normal to achieve such a small task. “You gonna keep standing there or are you gonna walk in.. Dabi?” You could feel yourself teetering on the brink of an orgasm by the time Dabi fully walked in the room and sat on a chair in front of you.

“You need a dick that’s thicker, don’t you, baby?” Dabi says, his steel blue gaze skipping your face as it hones straight down to the sight of Tomura almost literally rearranging your guts— his cock reaming into you like his life depended on it. You can feel his eyes bore holes into you, and that’s enough to send you over the edge. Both men groan, long and loud when your thighs spasm and- oh, you’re squirting all over Shigaraki’s cock. What a mess, ruining the floors and counter of the base, he’d scold you for it later. But Dabi wastes no time, squeezing his cock through the tight confines of his jeans as Tomura’s cock twitches inside of you. You want him to rip them off, to join Tomura and pump something into you, empty everything he has into you, to hold it there all night with Tomura’s cock alongside with it.

Tomura slips the now spit coated gun from your lips and sets it against the top, your thighs still shaking and they close together on their own. “Pl- please-” Dabi interiors you by picking you up off the counter like you weighed nothing and setting you down on your back on a near by table. When he flung his t-shirt over his shoulders, your fingertips lightly traced along the scars and around the staples. You figured Dabi was gonna start speaking but Tomura beat him to the punch,“No need to start begging little slut, you’ll get what you want soon enough.”

[lexpressobean]

Thoughts on Kikaichu as actual Parasites.

Knowing how skin and the body generally works on a medical level, the "hive" aspect of the Aburame clan really drives me crazy. 'Cause parasites are real, obviously, but the size of Kikaichu beetles makes absolutely no sense in comparison to irl skin parasites. At least not in a bee hive sort of way lol

rambling because my mind craves logic and I'm specializing as a wound care nurse but it's literally anime so what do I expect lol

No, wounds don't freak me out, I'm more terrified of generally handling vomit and babies than I am a dehiscence of a 15cm long surgical site lol. The human body can literally take so much abuse before it really starts to give and try to alert you that you need help! And once you give it help, it really can come full circle to the wound 100% looking like it was never there. The body is an amazing thing <3

However the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "parasite" is always going to be "tapeworm". That's not gonna change. However, kikaichu are not worms and CERTAINLY don't grow that fucking huge or live that long. (A tape worm can live long enough to graduate with a fucking PhD. Can you believe?) I haven't been exposed to any urgent situations involving parasites yet, however, the one I would compare a Kikaichu to that is (unfortunately) also common is the scabies mite.

Very briefly, scabies mites (Sarcoptes scabiei) are technically a type of arachnid that grow no bigger than a bout 0.5mm in size, but CAN be seen with the naked eye if you're looking for them. They crawl around the skin and burrow specifically in the top layer of skin, called the epidermis. The epidermis is that protective layer of skin and can be between 0.5mm to 1.5mm thick depending on which part of the body you're looking at. After the epidermis, you have the dermal layer, which is where sweat glands, nerves, and capillaries are found. Scabie mites will not burrow that deep because they only burrow to lay their eggs and such. As they do this they can cause visible tunnels and other marks that can be mistaken for acne or other skin conditions if not properly identified. You'll most likely know because the itch is VERY BAD.

They're very easily spread by close contact and a scabies infestation needs to be treated with a prescribed pharmacological means.

However, kikaichu are definitely a lot bigger than 0.5mm. In the case of size, I would compare them at minimum to fruitflies/medflies, which grow up to 3-5mm and maximum to ladybugs 4-7mm.

3-7mm > 0.5-1.5mm... obviously. And the holes which Kikaichu swarm out of that the audience has seen before are about a size comparable Shino's nostrils, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

You're telling me those things were in his mouth?????????? S H I N O N O

That would mean, in realistic terms, the Kikaichu are fucking around in Shino's body to the bone and muscles and THAT'S A REALLY SCARY THOUGHT. Even just passing the epidermis to the dermis is alarming! Compared to the dry, protective epidermis that can and does take damage, the dermis can be 1-4mm thick depending on where you're looking and is where skin does it's business. All together that becomes 0.5-5.5mm of space BARELY big enough for a fruit fly do mess around in. It makes just enough sense in terms of THAT size, but last time I checked, having the skin penetrated to the dermal layer is just asking for infection to happen. You're first natural line of defense has been breeched, there's a pretty good chance you're gonna be bleeding (blood vessels) and general body fluids are going to be draining, which is bad for a multitude of reasons, and there's damage that gonna affect the nerves, and realistically this shit is going to be ABSOLUTELY painful if they're constantly manipulating those areas near nerves. These kinda of things CAN make new connections and things like that, sometimes damage is forever. (Case by case basis).

So my first thought to more or less "magically" solve the problem with anime logic, is that first of all, it's an anime and logic doesn't have to apply haha.

On a more sci-fi level, in which kikaichu are smaller than we've seen them shown, maybe they have been purposefully been allowed to burrow into the dermal layer of the skin at least because the blood vessels seem to be in direct contact with the chakra system. Kikaichu's prefered food is chakra, but they WILL mutiny and eat their respective Aburame from the inside out if they don't balance their chakra smartly. So it's safe to say Kikaichu are at least carnivorous as well, and so I only imagine these absolute nightmares would swarm their prey in the wild, and actively bite through and burrow into the body of the prey until they found the chakra system and went to town on that poor unfortunate soul. Eaten alive, how the hell did they "tame" them in the first friggin' place??

I like to think two things:

1) Kikaichu are passed down from parent to child, and the parent has control over the Kikaichu until they have been RIGOROUSLY trained for generations to comprehend that this baby/child isn't food, it's a new hive. If bees can comprehend time, Kikaichu can comprehend what an Aburame is. If they insist on trying to drain the babe or the babe just can't tolerate them, the parent takes the Kikaichu back and the babe is assigned another insect or position in general. Like hell they're gonna try to force a relationship like that.

2) As part of the successful symbiotic relationship, Kikaichu regularly debride the tunnels and borrows that they carve into their respective Aburame, and are naturally intuitive in avoiding as many nerves and blood vessels as possible. The chance of infection is never 0%, however, kikaichu are pretty good about taking care of their tunnels, and so it gives the Aburame more time to focus on their things, like increasing the amount if chakra in their system. To ensure that they stay healthy, Aburame are encouraged to eat as much protein and Vit C possible every day, whether it be meat, beans, lentils, eggs, oranges, tomatoes, or even supplements as times modernize. The dermis is living tissue and as long as debridement/tunneling is going on, it needs to be nourished as much as possible.

I don't know how the hell Aburame deal with the obvious drainage that would be coming from their bodies, assuming the dermal layer really is free game for the Kikaichu. But the magical solution is that... they don't? Because... drainage is minimal. The Kikaichu just do such a good job lol. Maybe they purposefully... carve entrances to be flappy, or they purposefully create pocket spaces underneath seemingly healed areas of skin to easily burst open when necessary. That's the biggest thing for me, leaking body fluids. There's no way around that shit besides straight up denial lol Maybe they wear a special kind of dressing underneath their clothes, or that's directly applied with their clothes. Maybe that's what that cute little backpack is filled with, who knows!!

Idk man. I'm sure the Aburame authority forces encourages many of their non-hive members to pursue medical nin training in order to give the clan more privacy in general too. All medics that claim the Aburame name are exclusively used by the Aburame Clan. A non-Aburame medic may end up healing tunnels and burrows that were meant to stay open because "oops" and now you have an X amount of insects possibly suffocating within a completely sealed pocket of the skin, and also now there's a very good chance that after those insects die, that whole area is gonna frickin' abscess and cause infection induced tunnels the longer it's left alone and GROSS THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THERE IS A DELICATE, ORGANIZED, SELF-SUFFICENT PROCESS TO ALL THIS!! A PROCESS!!!

Like... the other ninja in the NartVerse can make as many jokes, jabs, and comments about the Aburame as they please (INO? BITCH??? but to be honest I still love her lol). But these MFers are constantly playing Russian Roulette with these high maintenance demon spawn from hell, and there are VERY little defences against Kikaichu, virtually none. Like the only thing I've ever seen actively thwart Kikaichu across all media is killing them with mass fire, countering them with large amounts of poison gas (both very exterminator like) or literally just feeding them chakra until they're so stupid full, they can't move, the little gluttons. As far as genjutsu, it's been stated that it's both effective and ineffective, so idk about that. But the Aburame are just SO set up to be the living breathing embodiment of Shinobi as defined by the NartVerse. They're whole clan culture relies on the threat of enemies. If they have no enemies, the whole relationship is an exhausting endeavor for literally no reason. It's not worth it if there's no one to fight or protect! But when there is a threat, you want them on YOUR side.

I suppose the best bet is to incapacitate the Aburame individual asap and the Kikaichu will tend the individual, making escape easier. But, if you DID manage to kill that Aburame right away, that particular Aburame's swarm is now suddenly without its food source and without restraint.

What do you THINK is gonna happen, bro?? The second an Aburame loses their grip on their consciousness due to external influences, the bugs go bonkers because I'm pretty sure Kikaichu are simply persuaded to be in this relationship and have NO tolerance for bullshit like alcohol and overheating temps. If their Aburame dies, they probably cause just as much chaos as they would as a wild, unattended swarm. Then YOU BETTER HAVE fire or poison gas or SOMETHING handy. The only way to calm them down is to offer them chakra and a new host with equal or even more chakra reserves. Otherwise the mutineers must be eradicated.

And for serious... Like, any deeper and the kikaichu would be in the hypodermal/subcutaneous layer of the skin and that's where a lot of connective tissue is located. Let's NOT mess with that shit, shall we? NOT a good idea. It's called connective tissue for a reason first and foremost...

[anonymouslyangsty]

Idea: Escape Room AU. Making a loose interpretation of that one horror movie. Some of the Danganronpa characters are invited to play in an escape room, but find that if they don't solve the puzzles in time the consequences are deadly. Not only that, but each of the rooms are deliberately designed to invoke past traumas of each of the characters. My main motivation? High stress Ishimondo.

YES. 100% yes. You don't know how much I crave action/adventure Ishimondo. Yes domestic fluff is sweet, yes the death game can be intense. But there's something special about people having to actively fight for their lives together, and solving murders just doesn't hit the same.

So yeah I like the idea, it almost gives me YTTD vibes (for those who don't know, Your Turn To Die is like DR but you win puzzles or die. I love it)

(If you're interested, there's a fic that kinda fits this idea. It's Beyond Despair. It's basically "everyone who dies comes back and now they have to do puzzles to survive. I'll try not to take too much inspiration from it for this concept)

But yeah I love this idea. I think things like this do best with smaller groups, so here's an idea: Leon, Hiro, Chihiro, Mondo, and Taka go to an Escape Room over the summer for Mondo's birthday. Then surprise! It's all death trap filled.

Just trying to think of potential rooms on the spot...I warn you that I've only gone heavily into the backstories of Taka and Mondo when it comes to DR1, so I might be missing out on some good ideas.

Hiro has to make a bunch of predictions to stop the others from getting harmed, perhaps a form of Russian Roulette. If he predicts where the bullet is incorrectly, he ends up shooting someone. He's probably not aiming for anything vital just in case, but it would still suck.

Not sure how this relates to trauma. Maybe he messed up an important prediction, and that led to someone getting seriously hurt?

Chihiro's great issue is weakness, which he tries to overcome. So maybe his room is having to hack something with a timer, where failing to do so in time leads to everyone burning alive. It would test his mental fortitude.

Or we could go the physical strength path. Like a situation where the solution is in an area so small that only Chi can enter, but something inside has to be forcefully pulled open. So Chi has to find the strength to do it, either by outsmarting the trap, or pure strength.

Or maybe it's both? Chi has to show both mental and physical strength to pass the trial.

Mondo has his own issues with strength, not to mention his guilt for the whole Daiya thing. Maybe he gets put into a situation where he alone can solve the puzzle, but cannot act. Instead, he has to tell the others what to do.

Think something like the game Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes. The basic premise of that game is: there are two players, one with a manual, and another with a bomb. The player with the manual has to instruct the other player on how to defuse the bomb. The player with the bomb cannot see the manual.

And that would be pretty stressful for Mondo. He isn't confident in his intelligence, so having to solve the puzzle alone would already be a problem. Plus there's the fear that he'll fail his friends, that he'll mess up and get them all killed.

For Leon...I'll admit that I don't have a solid idea for him. He wants to leave baseball and become a musician, right? So I'm not really sure how to infuse that desire into his room.

Plus I don't want to make his room just "hit this target to escape" because he can probably do that really easily...But it still needs to be involved with his talent in some way.

Here's an idea. It's not ideal because I'm not sure how well it fits into his character, but at least it includes his talent in a way that won't be horribly easy for him.

The group has to play a game of baseball, Leon vs everyone else (sure the teams are uneven, but Leon's the best baseball player around, so it's fair).

The game has to end with 12 home runs (why 12? there's a dumb reason.). For each point the enemy team gets, the other team is punished somehow. Each punishment is worse than the last.

Leon is a way better player than all of them combined, so it's not about him winning. It's about him deciding who gets hurt. Does he save himself, or save the others? It's a game of selfishness vs selflessness. Not to mention a delicate balance of ensuring nobody's too hurt to keep going.

As for the punishments, we could add another layer of selfish vs selfless actions. Maybe the losing team has to decide among themselves who takes the punishment, or they can all agree to take a slightly less harmful version of it.

And Taka. I'm...not sure? His character is all about morality, but Leon's trial kind of has that covered. There's also his role as a leader, but Mondo's trial covers that. Whatever the case, I'm just going to throw out ideas.

First thought is to focus on Taka's passion and strong work ethic. Think of it as kinda the opposite of Mondo's proposed trial. Taka's placed on some kind of pedestal that leaves him about 8 inches from the ceiling. On top of the ceiling is some kind of button, just far enough away that he has to reach to touch it.

While he's up there, everyone has...some kind of puzzle to solve. I don't know what honestly, probably some moral dilemma or something to keep on theme.

Now here's the point of this trial. Around the beginning of the room, Taka's shot with like half a dose of sedative. Not enough to knock him out, but enough to make the process of reaching up to hold a button pretty hard. Whenever he isn't pressing the button, water starts filling the room. If he passes out, they all drown.

This trial places him in a position of power, as everyone is relying on him to stay strong despite the struggle he's facing. And it's the opposite of Mondo's trial because he has no agency. He can't really help solve the puzzle, all he can do is keep that button held. But it's also similar to Mondo's trial because, if he falters, everyone dies.

The downside to this option is that it has nothing to do with morality. Mondo could just as easily have this trial, since it's more about hard work and strength.

Another option is something that focuses far more on morality. I'm not sure of the details, but perhaps it's a situation where he has to decide who of his friends to hurt to help everyone escape. And he wants to find a solution that leaves everyone unharmed, but that very well might not be possible.

Or maybe something like the prisoner's dilemma? (In very basic terms, you have prisoners A and B. If A and B trust each other, they both escape. If one betrays the other, the one who betrayed escapes with some extra benefit. If both betray, both get nothing.)

In this hypothetical situation, perhaps this is the last trial, just long enough for little resentments within the group to build. For the stress of the situation to make friendship become overshadowed by self preservation. Can they really trust one another to do the right thing, or will they get betrayed?

This is more morality related, but it's also not specific to Taka. Taka doesn't play a lead role, they all do, since they all have to face the dilemma.

Final idea, and admittedly the least formed one. They’re in...some kind of puzzle, with a timer of course because we need the pressure to be one. In the room with them is someone none of them know, bound and gagged.

They can spend time trying to solve the puzzle the hard way, or they can do it the easy way. But the easy way means killing the captive (Maybe they have a key in their stomach or something). And you want to do the right thing, but there's a timer and the moral option takes so much longer.

Taka continues his role as moral compass for this trial. He has to be the one to declare if they go the easy option. If he choose it, he personality has to get the key. There's a knife provided for the task

It could feed on Taka's fears of corruption and morality. Is it better to sacrifice one to save the group? Is he being selfish for trying to save a stranger rather than his friends? Taka has a very black and white view on morality, and this trial would force him to shatter that.

It could also lead into a fear that he'll become just as corrupt as Toranosuke. After all, if he can't solve this trial without any deaths, how can he be a good man?

Honestly? While I called this one the least formed, I think I like it the most. It's a real moral dilemma.

[thechaoticstudent]

March 04 | As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health lately - and I’m starting to think that stress is a big part of that.

I’m on winter break right now and I’ve been feeling a lot more stable this past week, but on the other hand - that could just be me suppressing my emotions. So who knows?

Anyway, in an attempt to somehow work through my stress, I decided to write down some of the things that are stressing me out to the point of having heart palpitations.

Applying for universities I applied for universities at the start of the break, and the fact that nothing is really realistic for me is both depressing and stressful. 

I think I’ve mentioned that I have agoraphobia, which has gotten worse as a result of the pandemic, and the closest university that had the subject I want to study is 1-2 hours away (and that’s a bachelor’s degree, which I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to get through now).

I also need pretty high grades to get into what I want, and the most realistic university for my grades is 4 hours away.

The school I go to now is literally my neighbor, and I’m not even able to show up there in person - so how am I supposed to move cities for school?

I have the option to study online, but that’s through a private school which costs about 80 000 NOK. Most schools in Norway are free (there’s usually only a small semester fee), and it feels wrong to pay that much for something I could get for free. 

The other reason why I don’t want to pay that much, is because it feels like I’m paying for being mentally ill - and that doesn’t sit right with me.

So, I have some huge dilemmas to work through, and the only think I can think of doing right now is to contact the different universities and ask if it would be possible to follow the subject from home. I’d still have to show up for exams though.

My grades My grades and assignments have been suffering as a result of my mental health. I’m struggling a lot with creativity because of my depression, and I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do the most basic things - like practicing for tests, writing an essay, etc. 

For the last test I had, I wrote 25(!!) pages worth of questions, and cried my way through practicing them. I did get a good grade, but I can’t keep working like that.

I’ve always struggled with writing down too much information, but not to this extent. I feel like practicing for tests used to be an automatic thing for me, and now I don’t even know where to start.

I also had really good grades this first term, so I know that I can do better than what I’m doing now - and I’m scared that my grades will only end up reflecting my mental health (or lack thereof).   

Exams & Preparing for exams Because my grades were pretty good before my mental health got this bad, none of my teachers believe me when I say that I’m not prepared for the exams. In reality, I practice hard for the tests, and then forget everything right after. 

My notes wouldn’t be helpful in an exam setting either, because I wouldn’t be able to practice that many pages on each chapter. 

I also still need to make summaries of the chapters I didn’t really go through last year, but I end up writing everything down every time I try - so I how no idea where to even begin.

The exams themselves are giving me panic attacks due to the pandemic and my agoraphobia. I haven’t showed up to school in person for over a year, and doing that honestly feels like playing Russian Roulette. 

The written exams have been cancelled, so that’s good, but they’re still going through with oral exams for third year high school students (what I am). 

Without going too much into that, I think that’s really unfair. High schools in Norway doesn’t have the kind of system where you go up in “difficulty level” for each year. You only have different subjects, and for the subjects you have over multiple years - you learn about different time periods, not harder things. Like, having a history exam is not more important than having a social studies exam.

I know that I have to get through this, but at this point I don’t know how to even prepare (which would take away a lot of the stress and make it so I’d be able to just focus on getting through it).

The stress itself The stress itself is making it hard to finish my assignments, because I get so caught up in what I’m doing wrong. 

The easiest way I can describe it, is that feeling when you walk past a group of people and think “I hope I don’t look stupid now” and then you just sort of forget how to walk properly because you overthink it.

I really hope that’s a normal feeling, and not just a social anxiety thing, because doing my schoolwork feels exactly like that.

--

There’s also tons of other things stressing me out (the fact that my computer doesn’t have any more storage space, my health, etc.), but this is probably the most relevant things for school. I need to figure out a way to not stress this much, and I think it’s kind of ironic that my grades would probably benefit from me having more of a “fuck it”-mentality for my assignments.

[grlfriends]

giovanna give us your #controversial kpop takes!! you seem passionate abt ***** being mediocre 👀👀👀

omg anon this is definitely going under a read more

ok so it's not that I think they are mediocre but rather that I know how much being from a big company can determinate your success, onces will go on and on about how much jyp was broke before them and how sixteen had a low viewership rate and how jyp was almost "out" of the big3 (a lie bc if that was truly the case then yg wouldnt be considered big3 rn, big3 is about how much influence and power you have on media yes it's related to how rich the company is but not all that matters when we all know that's not even being considered by anyone lmao) but at the end of the day no matter what they were still under big3?? the amount of money they had to even START a show about the group and then to film the like ooh ahh mv was huge man, onces make it seem like they had 10 dollars and a dream when that was definitely not the case, I know I seem bitter about this but bc I'm a fan of a group who was truly in that situation it just seems so fake and attention seeking?? yall know how much an mv like like ohh ahh and cheer up cost?? yall know how much producers and outfits and hair and makeup and studio and everything else costs?? jyp was always powerful and just bc they were in a bad time and bc they got more rich after twice it doesnt mean they were # broke before them, of course luck is a factor in any situation but let's be honest, do you think if a company was that broke and if twice had done that badly in their debut an mv like cheer up would even exist?? it's expensive y'all

also about the mediocre thing: I dont think they are mediocre but rather that no twice track has made me fall in love with them, I do like some songs but that's it, I feel like after their cheer up promotions jyp was very smart and played all the right moves and got them even bigger, they are not mediocre but we all know jyp has a fucked up ear that has rejected THE iu and THE yuju which is now considered top3 best vocalists of the 3rd generation (along with eunji from apink and wendy from rv) and I dont think they have been necessarily giving them the songs that fit their voices the best, some of them are able to adapt better (nayeon) and some are not (ie: momo voice was too deep for some of her parts in more and more), at the end of the day it still sounds nice if you're not listening to the live locals, their choreography is okay but is more focused on going viral than anything lmao, it's not bad but you can definitely see the comeback their team opened their email box and found out about all the emails about onces having to defend themselves bc twice had easy choreographies and SOME members were still not doing okay vocally and then decided to turn up their difficultly level to catch up with the current trend among ggs at the time ON THE TOP OF making them a token gg (along bp) to white gays listen and like bc they werent cute like that anymore and were doing hard choreographies so they were # not like the other ggs and this only expanded twice fan numbers in western countries (I also think that the bigger a group is the more their fans get obsessed with them and stop caring about their song quality and only listen to them bc they're a fan not bc they truly enjoy the music anymore you know?? I feel like feel special was okay but if a smaller gg like idk weki meki (I know it's not their sound but bear with me) or even a nugu gg like pink fantasy had released it it wouldnt have achieved 10% of the numbers it did or even made these groups have a bigger fanbase you know??) so do I think if they were from an actual broke nugu company they would have be as famous as they are now releasing the same songs? no and there's nothing wrong with that, kpop isn't a talent show and it's more about how well known you are with the most basic stuff

once again, I know this is too big of an essay for someone who has said they dont think they are mediocre but honestly that's my opinion and at the end of the day it doesn't matter bc they're still million sellers but that's my opinion ✌🏻 also do I think they're the nation's gg? no that's snsd and will always be

other hot and spicy takes:

bgs should go cute again, where's my fresh and energizing concepts?? astro why did you leave us in the dark?? sm why did you ruin nct dream when you could have made them comeback under another name/unit and make dream remain with the cute concept still

if any bigger gg had released queen by 3ye everyone would have lost their minds, it's the girlboss anthem everyone is looking for and no one knows about, everything from choreography to the lyrics is what blinks think bp is doing in terms of power

I miss gfriend intros so much :(( source PLEASE listen to this poor soul and give us intros, i cant stop thinking about how good the sots album intro would have been with that yuju siren call notes

also about gfriend but ma'am. apple supremacy, this is hands down their best release and best album this year (even tho I'm in live with three of cups and grwm for as long and the songs have been out) and also I wish crossroad had a bigger impact in the instrumental, the guitar should have been louder and it should have appeared sooner, the post chorus (that part they sing about the star) should have something more so it wouldn't feel as flat as it kinda did

↳ and I think that the beginning and bridge choreography should have been not that, specially the bridge..... that arm movement and the walking becomes okay after a while and getting used to it but still, it should have been anything else, let sinb choreograph a part of the title track for a change please

normalize people saying gfriend were robbed in 2016, rough WAS the 2016 soty and no one can tell me otherwise, people were so mad a nugu gg had the catchiest song of the year 2 years in a row (me gustas tu and then rough) they literally boycotted my girls 🤒

CONTROVERSIAL but I dont think rv has the best choreography and bsides in kpop..... their fans are just too used to noise and saying everything is # a concept (but the Russian roulette mini album DAMN it was amazing)

↳ also their title tracks..... it's been a wild ride but the ride is in flames and about to explode

I miss seventeen fun songs, now they're all about being edgy and dark and it's okay I guess but I miss their early days so so much, everything since thanks (even tho it was released close to my bday I have to admit I dont think it's that good either....) has not been it and it made me stop being a fan, I loved them so so much once and now all I have is old pretty u performances and funny gifs of them on their gose eps 😔 svt comeback with the pastel colors I miss those days of your youth

↳ also I cant believe pledis still has trainees when they're probably going to debut another bg when svt enters military years and then will be working in their solos and/or units since a gg wil be boycotted by pledis after 2 years maximum

the loona lore is 100% more about orbits going crazy over anything than BBC actually planning out stuff, their mvs are like any other aesthetic mv y'all

↳ also on the loona topic I dont think they're the powerful dancers people make them out to be, they have beautiful choreographies and are in sync that's all

↳ can orbits please STOP the ch*ves madness, yves is so straight it hurts and people are turning this into a l*rry of kpop almost

↳ when is haseul coming back 😭 people are calling Kim lip the leader for the longest time and it makes me mad seeing haseul forgotten like that.... maybe when she comes back loona will stop having those sm adjacent (derogatory) songs

I cant believe korean people have turned as you wish by wjsn the top end of the year song to enter the new year when dreams come true is RIGHT!! THERE!!! as is just much better by simply being good where as you wish, well, it wishes 😶

↳ ot13 wjsn was the best and their only good releases as ot10 was boogie up and save me save you, yuehua and starship if any of you break ot13 I'm going insane and beating everyone involved

cant believe non stop was the sing that made oh my girl famous when closer exists and they were not problematic yet, non stop is an attack on peoples ears and sucks so bad there's nothing remotely good or even okay about it (actually, their last good song was a-ing bc that's when jine was there 😢 other than that bungee was okay and banana allergy monkey was quite catchy too) also yooa has an annoying voice idk how they chose HER to debut solo

[kpoptimeout]

Top 20 Most Underrated K-Pop Songs of the Decade (2010-2019) PART 2

The 2010s has come and gone before we knew it.  

Continuing with the K-Pop Timeout Tradition (see 2018 Ver) of listing the Top 10 Most Underrated K-Pop Songs because all the other sites are just bothered with the Top 10 that pretty much everyone will have heard of/have fan wars over, below we have created a list of the Top 20 Most Underrated K-Pop Songs of the Decade because 10 spots is not enough to cover the amount of talent slept on.

For these reasons, we have listed 10 of them here in PART 1 and will list an additional 10 in here. This is in alphabetic order NOT in the order of awesomeness because all of them are awesome. Also, all MVs are linked in the song titles because Tumblr won’t let me share that many videos in one post.

Rainbow “Sweet Dream” (2011)

The younger sister group of DSP Media’s highly successful 2nd gen girl group KARA, Rainbow never received much attention at all in comparison, never having received any music show wins since their debut in 2009. While this may be a result of DSP’s mismanagement (e.g. changing the girls’ concept from edgy to cute all of a sudden mid-way in their career and chucking them to promote in Japan before they have a solid domestic fanbase), it was never because of the quality of Rainbow’s music. Even K-Pop critics would agree that their 2011 comeback “A” is an all-time K-Pop classic. However, we would like to bring attention to “Sweet Dream”, because it is one of the best Rainbow songs ever and even more underrated than most of the songs in Rainbow’s already highly underrated repertoire. Following powerful poppy tracks like “A” and “Mach”, Rainbow appeared to be developing a style completely unique of their own in “To Me” and it reached fruition in “Sweet Dream”. It was not just poppy and powerful but showed emotional depth and the beautiful harmonies of the girls. While the girls have all left DSP Media, the girls are super close and they have chosen not to disband, thus becoming the only 2nd gen girl group still active with the full original lineup. The members even self-funded their 10th-anniversary comeback this year. If you love to support beautiful music and an even more beautiful friendship, listen to “Sweet Dream”!

RANIA “Just Go” (2013)

Newer K-Pop fans would probably just know RANIA for Alex’s brief stint in the group and making it the only girl group to ever had a Black member on its lineup. But even before Alex joining the group, RANIA had been known for breaking barriers in the conservative K-Pop industry. Their debut song “DR Feel Good”, which was originally written for Lady Gaga, was seen as too sexy by the Korean public when all they did was wear leather, get low and hair flip a lot. Their later songs continue to be powerful and amazing but it appeared that the public just chose to always label them as the “too sexy” group. “Just Go” is an example of their brilliance that the K-Pop industry was just not ready for at the time. “Just Go” is a party track carried by extremely song vocals and creative choreo where the girls interact a lot with the back dancers. The girls also wore lace full-body suits, leather jackets and actual pantsuits in different scenes throughout the MV. The song exudes so much BDE before BDE even existed as a term. If you want a confident girl group power anthem, “Just Go” is the song for you.

The SEE YA “Be With You” ft. SPEED’s Taewoon (2012)

The SEE YA was MBK Entertainment’s (formerly Core Contents Media) first ballad group after the highly successful Davichi. While Davichi is more of a pop ballad group, The SEE YA being technically a reboot of the RnB group SeeYa went for a darker sound. Their typical sound is encapsulated in their debut song “Be With You” ft. SPEED’s Taewoon, which had lovely harmonisation and also piercing high notes. The vibe of the song simply tugs at your heartstrings like a beautiful melodrama OST. Even the MV itself is a melodrama. MBK really should have promoted the group’s own music more instead of doing lots of cross-group collaborations so more people recognised The SEE YA’s own unique sound. While The SEE YA has disbanded in 2015, their music lives on as extremely underrated masterpieces. If you love dramatic ballads and K-Drama OSTS, you should check out “Be With You”!

SPEED “That’s My Fault” ft. Davichi’s Minkyung (2013)

Another talented group that unfortunately disbanded in 2016 due to MBK Entertainment’s poor management, SPEED is an exceptionally talented group that deserved so much better. Some K-Pop fans may know SPEED for their crazy choreography on heelys, but not as many know them for their vocal and rap talent. SPEED’s debut song “That’s My Fault” ft. Davichi’s Kang Minkyung is one of the rare male idol debuts that was super melodramatic and also pays homage to real historical events. The MV depicts teen love that slowly blossoms in the backdrop of the 1980s Gwangju Democratization Movement of South Korea which ended up with 144 civilian deaths, featuring the acting of Ji Changwook, Park Boyoung, A PINK’s Naeun and Ha Seokjin. For a rookie group to have the skill and emotional depth to convey such a song is rare and there are not even that many veterans groups that have made songs honouring historical events and tragedies. These qualities make it one of the most underrated songs of the decade. If you like songs that pay homage to historical events, you should check out SPEED’s “That’s My Fault”!

SPICA “Russian Roulette” (2012)

When discussing extremely talented but underrated K-Pop girl groups, SPICA would definitely be brought up in such a conversation. The members are all amazing and powerful vocalists with a lot of attitude. Even the visual member, Jiwon, was hitting the whistle register. It is unfortunate that the group was consistently slept on and disbanded in 2017 (although member Bohyung has teased at a possible reunion). It is not an overstatement to say powerful vocal girl groups like SPICA walked so groups like MAMAMOO today can run. “Russian Roulette” is their debut song but it is already K-Pop gold - it showcases every member’s vocal skills and different ranges. The whistle loop in the chorus is also super addictive and memorable. So if you love vocal-heavy girl groups and their songs, you would love SPICA’s “Russian Roulette”!

Stellar “Crying” (2016)

Mainly known for their controversial and sexual MVs, Stellar actually was a very talented group whose talent was often overlooked by controversy due to management by a company that just wanted views when their initial cute debut song “Study” did not generate enough attention. When the group disbanded in 2018, members revealed in interviews that they were uncomfortable with the concepts they had to do and would not have been an idol if they knew it would be like this. And really the company should have allowed the girls more opportunities to do concepts they enjoyed and to showcase their abilities. “Crying” is an example of Stellar’s actual stellar talents - it includes beautiful vocals and harmonies as well as some fun laid-back rap. This addictive summer track would have dominated charts if it was sung by less controversial and already established acts like Son Dambi, After School, AOA or SISTAR. If you love a good summer bop, this is the song for you!

Sunnyhill “Midnight Circus” (2011)

How often do you see a K-Pop song critiquing the harsh realities of the K-Pop industry? Rarely. And Sunnyhill’s “Midnight Circus” is one such song. With the co-ed group donning the concept of a being a dark circus troupe, the song compares the K-Pop industry to that of a circus, where people are forced to perform in dangerous conditions often against their will or in ways they are not interested in. Such insights still ring true today with idols being constantly hurt in poor working conditions or suffering immense and often fatal amounts of stress from public scrutiny. The song itself also draws heavily from instrumentals one would associate with a circus - accordion riffs, heavy usage of the fiddle and also brass instruments. The singing is also very experimental and artsy - at times the members sing like they are speaking dramatically on stage, at times they are whispering ominously. The choreography is also creative and often has the members and back dancers moving like puppets controlled by the circus *cough* K-Pop industry *cough*. The fact that the remaining members of Sunnyhill are currently wallowing in obscurity and do not even have a changing room for their group’s music show comeback stage speaks volumes of how underrated they are. If you love insightful and well-executed concepts, you would be obsessed with “Midnight Circus”!

TRAX/TraxX “Escape” (2018)

In the early 2000s, SM wanted to produce the best solo artist, the best boy band, the best boy band and the best rock band. While they achieve the first two through BoA and TVXQ, SM struggled to make CSJH and TRAX as successful. TRAX has gone through multiple concept changes over the years - from glam metal to pop-rock to ballad now in 2018, the group transitioned to EDM with the addition of DJ Ginjo and rebranding themselves as “TraxX”. A possible reason for previous failures to make TRAX succeed is how their previous styles never fully show the abilities of all members. The glam metal aspect may have helped show Jungmo’s guitar playing abilities but its unique way of singing prevents the mainstream from appreciating Jay’s vocal abilities. While pop-rock and ballad allowed more people to hear Jay’s vocal colour and wide range, it also limited Jungmo’s ability to show his guitar skills. This 2018 comeback is phenomenal and SM should have really promoted “Escape” better - finally with EDM Jay’s godly vocals and Jungmo’s rock guitar skills are unleashed in a way never seen before in K-Pop. While there has been an increase in EDM use in K-Pop this decade, no other K-Pop song has incorporated the genre into K-Pop as well as this song, which also throws in rock. If you love an amazing genre-blender, “Escape” is the song for you!

TOPPDOGG “TOPDOG” (2014)

After BLOCK B’s exit from Stardom Entertainment, the label invested heavily in TOPPDOGG, aiming to make it the Super Junior of Hip-Hop. Honestly, the company should have just marketed TOPPDOGG as the group with the hardest and most diverse rap line in K-Pop because up to this day there is still not a group with as many different and talented rappers. The group had 5 amazing rappers. They also did not lack in vocal talent at all. However, the group never took off and members started to leave to pursue careers elsewhere and the 5 remaining members have rebranded themselves as XENO-T in 2018. “TOPDOG” should have been the song that made TOPPDOGG a household name but somehow it did not. The song was powerful but not a regular powerful boy band track. Sampling Mozart's “Symphony No. 25 in G Minor”, which Mozart wrote when he was only 17, the group hoped to portray the abilities of genius youth and they really did by adding their own electronic and hip-hop flair to the orchestra piece. Even the choreography and MV goes hard and would look futuristic even today with the top-notch CGI. It is definitely one of the best K-Pop tracks of this decade that has yet to be replicated. If you are a fan of dramatic boy band bops, “TOPDOG” is the song for you!

ZE:A “Ghost of the Wind” (2013)

ZE:A, like Nine Muses, never reached their full potential under the management of Star Empire Entertainment, a label which only seems to be able to make 1-3 members of a group into superstars while keeping the whole group itself in nugudom. ZE:A had many amazing tracks but “Ghost of the Wind” is arguably the best of ZE:A and also one of the best K-Pop songs of the decade. The orchestral strings provide the song with a grand and classy atmosphere that also has a sense of urgency. This is complemented well by the theatrical choreography that the members all nailed and the belting of high notes by not one but three members. Yet somehow this song charted poorly when it was promoted and the group is now currently in an indefinite hiatus while members are all pursuing solo careers in different industries from music to even mixed martial arts. If you love an orchestral and grand boy band song, check out “Ghost of the Wind”!

Which K-Pop songs do you think were underrated throughout the decade? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and let the song sharing begin!!!

[thenovelartist]

Chocolate Roulette

This was inspired by a video by Ann Reardon of "How to Cook That" where she pulled some nasty chocolates on some other youtubers. You should go check it out... After you read this fic. ;)

She’d stumbled across the video on accident while trying to find something else. However, even though the video was in English, Marinette was able to understand enough to grasp the brilliance of the idea.

“Marinette,” Tikki whined as she watched her chosen tear around the kitchen, “this is just mean.”

“Wrong,” she countered with a grin. “This is brilliant and all in good fun.”

Tikki didn’t look convinced.

Marinette sighed. “It’s April Fool’s day, Tikki,” she said. “A time where pranks are encouraged and welcomed. And this, as far as pranks go, is perfectly harmless. I don’t even want to think about what Chat’s planning in terms of pranks,” she ended in a mutter.

Tikki sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course, I am,” Marinette said with a grin. “This Ann person is a total genius for coming up with it, but I also have one of my own to add. Six chocolates should be plenty.”

“But she also had trashcans and water, too,” Tikki said.

“I’ll be sure to bring that,” Marinette assured. “I’m going to do it with them, and I’m going to want water if I get a nasty one. Or a trash bin if I can’t down it. I have no idea what this ‘vegemite’ tastes like, but I’m kinda scared of it.”

Tikki wrinkled her nose. “If it’s anything like it smells, I’m scared of it, too. I wonder if Plagg would eat it.”

“Who knows. At least I got the small container. Ick!”

“They might be mad at you.”

Marinette shrugged. “It’s not like I’m forcing them to eat it. They can choose to play the game or not. Now, is the salted caramel done? I want to finish this round so I have time to figure out just how to do the liquid filled ones.”

…

Ladybug was the last one to show up to the meeting spot, her arms laden with a couple plastic lined trash bins, a bag of water bottles, and a box of chocolates.

She grinned. Tikki had asked her if Marinette was sure everyone would play. To which she had scoffed. “Chat wouldn’t think twice. Alya wouldn’t back down from a challenge like this, and Nino would hop right in after her. Chloe might be a snob and not want to, but when she sees we’re all playing, she’ll jump in. It will be fine.”

She landed on the roof, drawing everyone’s attention. She smiled. Now, the fun of introducing the challenge.

“Looks like you brought goodies, bugaboo,” Chat called, grin on his face.

“More or less,” she said, smirking down at the box of chocolates she spent all weekend working on. “More like a game.”

“A game?” Carapace asked.

“I’m down!” Rena Rouge shouted.

“You haven’t even heard it yet,” Ladybug chuckled, dropping the trash bins and bag of water bottles.

“Come on, bug,” Chat said, sliding up to her. “If you’re going to haul a game all the way up here for us, there’s no way we can turn it down.”

“Totally,” Carapace said. “I’m in.”

“Depends if it’s a stupid game or not,” Queen Bee added.

Ladybug smirked. “Well, it is April Fool’s day. And I happen to have with me some chocolates.” She opened the box, instantly garnering everyone’s excitement, including Queen Bee. “But!” she warned, snapping the box shut. “Some are filled with good things. The others… not so much.”

“So, like chocolate roulette?” Rena asked.

Ladybug nodded. “Basically.”

“I’m down!”

“Same!” Chat chimed in.

“Well, can’t back out now,” Carapace said with a grin. “It doesn’t sound too bad, anyway.”

Queen Bee hesitated. “Ugh, fine,” she said with a pout, crossing her arms like a petulant child. “I’ll play.”

Ladybug grinned. That was easy.

Together, they sat in a circle. She passed out water bottles and set up the two trash cans between the group.

“Now,” she began, the box of chocolates open to reveal three kinds of chocolates. “Someone pick which shape of chocolate that we eat. There are three good ones, and three… not-so-good ones. At the count of three, we’ll all put the whole chocolate in our mouths and see who won… and who lost.”

Rena cackled, rubbing her hands together. “This is gonna be fun.”

Chat’s smirk proved his agreement.

“Let’s start with the little heart ones,” Carapace said.

No one argued, each reaching in to pick a chocolate.

“Is there any reason we all have to pick the same one?” Chloe asked, eyeing her heart-shaped chocolate.

“So we each get one of two flavors each round,” Ladybug explained.

“Aren’t you gonna tell us what we could get?” Carapace asked.

“No.” Ann hadn’t told her victims until after the chocolate was in their mouth, so Ladybug wasn’t inclined to tell hers, either. “I’ll tell you afterwards what you could have gotten.”

“You’re pretty despicable, bugaboo,” Chat said with a smirk.

She shrugged. “Have to keep it interesting somehow. So, on the count of three, put the whole chocolate in your mouth. You have to. Ready?”

Everyone nodded.

“One, two, three.”

Ladybug was prepared to bite carefully, and ready to spit it out if need be. Thankfully, she wasn’t hit by an onslaught of dry, powdered cinnamon and instead the pleasant taste of cinnamon ganache.

However, from the looks of it, Carapace was the only other lucky one.

Queen Bee coughed, a cinnamon cloud forming in front of her while Chat and Rena were quick to reach for the trash cans.

“What was it?” Carapace asked, looking at the three supers that were either hunched over the trashcans or guzzling their water.

“It’s so dry!” Queen Bee croaked, reaching for her water. “Oh, it’s awful!”

“You know the cinnamon challenge?” Ladybug said as way of explanation.

“I’m sorry for ever thinking it wasn’t hard,” Chat said between coughs, water bottle half empty already.

“They got straight cinnamon,” Ladybug said to Carapace. “It looks like we got the cinnamon ganache.”

“And it is awesome,” Carapace said with a grin.

“Speak for yourself,” Rena spat, putting the cap back on her bottle. “I hope you have more water than this, Ladybug.”

Ladybug nodded. “I brought extra.”

“You okay there, Queen Bee?” Chat asked. “You’re not screeching like you normally do.”

The superhero glared at Chat. “So dry,” was all she said as she continued guzzling her water.

Ladybug couldn’t help but snort a laugh. All the time spent trying to pack as much cinnamon into each chocolate as humanly possible was worth it.

“Ugh!” Queen Bee cried after finishing off most of the bottle. “That was horrible!”

“It was supposed to be,” Rena snarked. “You agreed to play.”

“Can it, fox.”

“Hey hey hey,” Carapace said, moving between the two girls. “Knock it off, and let’s go to the next one.”

“The little half-domes look innocent enough,” Chat commented, most likely trying to distract the girls.

“’Innocent’, he says,” Queen Bee grumbled.

“After the last one,” Rena said, reaching for one of the chocolates, “I’m hesitant to call this game ‘innocent’.”

“You all agreed to play,” Ladybug chipped.

“And I regret it,” Queen Bee growled.

“Oh, come on,” Rena said. “Lighten up, Chloe.”

“That’s Queen Bee to you, fox!”

“On the count of three!” Chat cried, interrupting the two bickering girls. “One!”

Queen Bee reached for a chocolate. Ladybug smirked.

“Two. Three.”

Ladybug was hoping that today wouldn’t be the day she tasted vegemite.

And it wasn’t.

No, that honor clearly went to Carapace and Queen Bee, who were both reaching for the same trashcan simultaneously, and Chat, who looked like he was trying to power through it before giving up and taking the free trashcan and spitting it out.

“What the hell!” Chloe cried, reaching for her water. “Did I eat?”

“Have you ever heard of vegemite?”

“Australia,” Carapace grumbled, taking a large swig of his water.

“Why is it so popular?” Chat agreed, spitting again into the garbage can. “How do people eat that stuff?”

“Mine was good,” Rena purred. “Salted caramel, right?”

Ladybug nodded. “Made it myself.”

“Girl!” Rena stuck out her hand, and Ladybug gave her a high five. “I need the recipe.”

“I got you.”

“Yes!”

“No fair!” Queen Bee cried. “How come I only got the bad ones?”

“Uh, same!” Chat said.

“Well, that’s to be expected of you, alley cat.”

“What’d you just call me?”

“Guys!” Ladybug shouted, calling their attention. “Look, Chloe—uh, Queen Bee can have one of the leftover ones. And Chat can have the other. The bad ones all went out, right, so these two should be good.”

Instantly, Queen Bee’s attitude changed. “Dibs on the caramel!”

Chat looked a little put out, but took the cinnamon one. “For later,” he said, “so I end on a good note.”

Ladybug smirked. “Good call. Now, shall we get the next one?”

After Queen Be set her own chocolate aside with a “you have a good point,” they all reached for the next chocolate, one that looked like a triangle.

“My heart is pounding,” Rena said. “It really feels like Russian roulette.”

Ladybug chuckled. “On three. One, two, three.”

She was really hoping for raspberry. It was her favorite of the truffles she made.

Unfortunately, the hot sauce was kicking in really quick.

She reached for the trash, spitting it out immediately. But there was no such reaction from the other four.

She blinked a couple times. “Who has the hot sauce?”

Chat wore a grin as he shook his head. “Mine’s raspberry. Really nice, bugaboo.”

“Yeah,” Rena agreed. “Though, the caramel was better.”

“It’s decent,” Queen Bee said.

Meaning Carapace had to have the hot sauce.

“Did you not notice?” Ladybug asked as he reached for the trash bin and politely spat out the chocolate.

“It wasn’t bad.”

“It wasn’t?”

“Really?” Chat reached for the last chocolate, popping it in his mouth and chewing a couple times before anyone could tell him to stop.

He froze, and Ladybug watched as his eyes widened in realization. They say cats don’t always think things through, and her kitty was no exception.

Quickly, he reached for the trash can and spat out the chocolate, causing her to snigger as he quickly reached for his water bottle, only to find it empty. “Oh, I regret that. So bad.” He complained, dropping the bottle in the waste bin and flopping over on his back.

“Why did you think that was a good idea?” Ladybug asked, hovering over him with a new water bottle.

“He made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal!” Chat cried, reaching for the bottle.

“I used extra hot hot sauce,” Ladybug said, handing over the bottle. “I could have warned you.”

“The spice was kicking in kinda late for me,” Carapace said. “I only realized what it was just as I spit it out.”

“How?”

“I like spice.”

Chat groaned, cracking the lid off his bottle. “You and my buddy, both.”

Ladybug sniggered as a now red Chat guzzled his water. “So hot!”

Soon, everyone was laughing at Chat’s expense, though Ladybug had to worry a little bit. Her tongue was still tingly with spice. Chat had his in his mouth for much longer.

Soon enough, Chat put his half-empty bottle down and flopped back over, lying flat on the roof. “I want my last chocolate now,” Chat whimpered.

“Actually,” Ladybug said, reaching over to the box and lifting off the cardboard base, “There’s a whole other level.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

After Chat recovered from the spice incident, they decided on the little chocolate cubes.

Marinette was proud of these ones. After all, it was no small feat managing to hide soy sauce in a chocolate.

“One, two, three.”

The result was instantaneous as Rena, Carapace, and Queen Bee all reached for a trash can.

“I like this one, my lady,” Chat said from her side. “This one is really nice. Especially after that mouthful of spice.”

She chuckled. “You did that to yourself.”

He grunted. “Fair enough.”

“What are you two so happy about?” Queen Bee shouted, reaching for her water.

“We got some delicious dark chocolate ganache,” Ladybug explained with a grin. “But really, anything’s better than soy sauce.”

Chat cackled like a mad man while Ladybug grinned and took the three sets of angry glares.

“That one,” Rena said, reaching for her water, “was pretty devious.”

“That was the worst yet,” Carapace grumbled.

“I don’t know,” Ladybug said, reaching for another of the chocolates. “This one is pretty good.”

“That’s promising,” Chat deadpanned.

Queen Bee just sighed and grabbed the next chocolate. “Let’s just get this over with.”

They counted down, all popping the chocolate in their mouths.

Carapace’s expression was priceless. He’d never snatched the trashcan so fast.

“Ugh!” He spat once, twice, three times before reaching for his water. Even Chat, who was holding the other trash bin, was cackling at Carapace’s predicament. “I hate wasabi!” he shouted, slamming his empty water bottle down in the bin. “So much!”

The other’s laughter only grew.

“The mint is nice,” Rena goaded, giving him a smug look.

He was not amused.

“Last one!”

Everyone was eager for this one, whether because it was the last or because they were having fun, Ladybug didn’t know. However, she was almost glad this was the last one. Chat was either going to find this one amusing or really hate her.

Either way, she thought it was funny.

“One, two, three!”

The moment Ladybug bit through the chocolate, she was reaching for a trash can. And so was Chat.

“I know what that is!” he shouted after he spat out the chocolate. “I smell like that stupid cheese day in and out! I’m insulted, Ladybug.”

Even Rena, who was hugging her own trash bin, was laughing.

“I liked that last one,” Carapace commented.

“Dibs!” Rena cried, snatching the chocolate.

“You don’t even know what it is,” he cried.

“Don’t care,” she said. “That means you can have the chocolate one.”

“But I want the marshmallow.”

There was a slight stare down between the two before Rena surrendered. “Fine. Have the marshmallow. I’ll have the chocolate.”

“Yes,” he said with a fist pump, taking the chocolate from Rena so she could take the last chocolate one.

Ladybug smiled as she shut the chocolate box, all her friends happy that they at least got one last nice chocolate to end on.

Except Chat was suddenly coughing. “You liar!”

Ladybug froze, wide-eyed at Chat. “Wha—"

The cloud of cinnamon that appeared with his next wheeze was enough proof that he’d gotten a prank chocolate.

“No way!”

Instantly, everyone else was laughing hysterically. Except Ladybug. She was completely bewildered. And slightly amused.

Chat was hugging a trash bin, spitting out the excess cinnamon. “You said—cough, cough—ugh! You said there were three and three.”

“I genuinely thought there were!” she said, her voice high and squeaking with laughter.

“Lair!”

And that only sent up a whole new round of gut-busting laughter.

“Oh, it must suck being the black cat,” Carapace jested.

From behind his water bottle, Chat glared at the turtle hero.

Soon enough, they all calmed down enough to put the grudges were put aside, and they just hung out like they had planned to do today. Eventually, one by one, they chose to head home, leaving Ladybug and Chat alone.

“As much as it sucked,” Chat began, “especially since I seemed to get all the bad ones, that was really fun, my lady.”

She grinned. “Well,” she said, pulling out another little box from the water bag. “I may have set some aside specifically for you.”

His eyes lit up at her offering. “R-really?”

She shrugged. “To remind you you’re still my favorite.”

His grin softened. Box forgotten, he pulled her in for a hug. She happily settled against his chest, her arms wrapping loosely around his waist.

“Thanks, milady,” he whispered. “You’re my favorite, too.”

She grinned squeezing him tighter. “That’s to no one’s surprise.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough.” He released her, but she stayed close, arms still not moving form around his waist. “You’re amazing.”

“You are, too.” She took a step back, putting the box of chocolates in front of her. “Now, go get some sleep, kitty. And don’t eat all those in one sitting. Also, some of those may be for your kwami.”

He chuckled. “The camembert ones?”

“That was my kwami’s idea,” Ladybug said. “She also thought Plagg might want the rest of the vegemite.”

Chat’s lips pursed doubtfully. “We’ll see. I’ll ask him.”

“Just an offer. I have a jar of it I have no clue what to do with now, so…” She trailed off with a shrug.

“We’ll see if we could put it to use,” Chat said. “But for now, good night, milady.”

“Good night, Chaton. I’ll see you when I see you.”

…

“Plagg, claws in.”

Chat Noir disappeared with a green flash, leaving Adrien standing in his room.

“I want cheese,” Plagg immediately complained. “For using me only to go see your Ladybug.”

“It wasn’t only Ladybug.”

“Details, details.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “Well, lucky for you, Plagg,” Adrien said, setting the little box down on his desk, “Ladybug made some camembert treats with you in mind. Mostly to trick us.”

“Oh?” Plagg looked over Adrien’s shoulder at the box of chocolates. There were two separate compartments, one clearly full of the camembert squares while the other compartment held a variety of the chocolates.

“Chocolate-covered camembert, huh?” Plagg asked. “That has Tikki’s name all over it.”

“Be nice,” Adrien said, handing him a square. “Ladybug worked hard to make those and gave the rest of the camembert ones to you. You could at least be grateful.”

Plagg took the treat with a sigh. “I mean, I guess,” he sighed dramatically.

Adrien smirked as he picked up a square of his own. Marshmallow, if he remembered correctly. He popped it in his mouth—

“Ugh!!” Plagg cried. “That’s no camembert!”

And what Adrien had in his mouth was definitely not marshmallow.

The two boys spent the next few minutes at the sink, guzzling water and cursing Ladybug for getting off one last trick for the day.

“I’m cutting open every last chocolate before I bite it,” Adrien swore.

Plagg grunted from his place on the counter. “Agreed.”

[vinspiration-book]

Son of Palaven, Daughter of Earth Playlist

Based on the story by miceenscene

Story Here

Spotify Playlist Here

Playlist Status: Synced up to ch. 47

This wonderful piece of fanfiction inspired me to create a soundtrack for it.  Here is a track listing and some thoughts about each piece.  I try to pick thematic tracks for each story beat, while still retaining a rhythm between each song.

1. The Arranged Marriage - Gavin Luke

An instrumental piece by film composer Gavin Luke is the overture.  Anxious and urgent, it depicts a quiet, unhappy uncertainty that is nevertheless peppered by bright chords.  Combined with the name, it sets the tone for Shepard and Garrus’ unwilling journey into matrimony.

2. I Still Taste Fire - Stephanie Mabey

“I woke up with ashes in my mouth”

Shepard’s beginning theme.  A dark and driving song of regret and grit.  Shepard feels that she, Flaming Death, has personally lost the war and didn’t even get to see the ending.  The line “Thought I'd always remember what it felt like / To want you / But it's all kind of hazy now / Almost like I burned it down” normally refers to a lover, but in Shepard’s case, the “you” is an end to the war that she thought she wanted.  Now that the price of peace is her freedom, it's a bitter thing to swallow.

3. This Means War - Marianas Trench

“I hate to admit it but I miss the war”

Garrus’ beginning theme.  Whereas Shepard’s song was all seriousness and loss, Garrus can never quite be 100% sass-free.  So we get this jocular tune about having to play nice with someone even though you’d rather be fighting them.

4. Can’t Be Tamed - Miley Cyrus

“If you try to hold me back I might explode”

The wedding: Shepard’s view.  Deep in enemy territory, forced to participate in a ritual meant to demean her and her species, Shepard is nevertheless putting on a fierce display, just like the brash attitude of this number.  The irony of the song is that the singer keeps repeating over and over how she can’t be tamed; almost as if no one believes her?  Also includes the line “I'm like a puzzle / But all of my pieces are jagged” which has a double meaning that ties in to the story: as Garrus says much, much later both literally and metaphorically, “[A puzzle] is the best thing you could have gotten me”.

5. Love Runs Out - OneRepublic

“I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt, / 'Til the love runs out”

The wedding: Garrus’ view.  Is this a romantic song, or a resigned one?  Or is it duplicitous?  Garrus may be a bad turian, but he’s still obedient to the Hierarchy, even if it’s only going through the motions and hoping for an escape.  The driving punch of the bass notes echoes this sentiment in a song that could be read as either loving commitment or bitter commitment.  It contains a lot of fire imagery too, especially the singer being someone to help someone else start a fire… perfect for being tied to Flaming Death. The song also mentions an (arch?)angel and the strong influence of the singer’s mother, both of which are important to the story.

6. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun”

Spying: Shepard’s view.  So Shepard and Garrus only ever play a board game in this story rather than poker, but come on.  It’s Poker Face.  It’s the best song ever about selfishly conning your partner to further your own high-stakes goals.

7. Fraud - Jonathan Coulton

“Sharp teeth test your skin / Too late, you let an angel in”

Spying: Garrus’ view.  This song takes a more meditative approach to being disingenuous, but just about every verse is packed with imagery that pairs perfectly with the story, from unwanted houseguests, to painting, fighting, and losing.  The refrain is even about an angel with fangs!

8. Didn’t Know You - Karmin

“Like a bird of prey / Out of nowhere you came / Do you always get your way?"

The reports: Shepard’s view.  An angry song about being the victim of deception and invasive tactics.  The singer talks especially about upending their entire life (setting “dreams ablaze”--fire imagery again) for the sake of someone who turned out to be a liar that controls their every move.  Turians are sometimes referred to as “birds” as a pejorative in Mass Effect, making the repeated line fit even more.

9. Can’t Go to Hell - Sin Shake Sin

“This romance with ignorance has left us behind”

The reports: Garrus’ view. Unlike Shepard’s reaction to finding the reports--which is very much about personal betrayal--Garrus’ reaction is a more public outcry about the situation going FUBAR.  One of the central tenets in ME canon about Shepard and Garrus’ relationship (to the point that even the characters themselves talk about it in these terms) is that he willingly follows her into hell every single time.  This makes the bitter anger of the chorus (“We can’t go to hell if we’re already there”) especially poignant.  The second verse evokes Shepard and Garrus’ situation closely too, mentioning being “blind by design” and stating “...history keeps getting paid to change its mind”, which is the purpose of the arranged marriage in the first place.

10. Home - Machine Gun Kelly & X Ambassadors

“Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?”

Shepard and Garrus: no extraction.  A rare male/female duet of frustration and longing for respite that neatly applies to the protagonists’ mindsets.  Both Anderson and the Hierarchy have turned away their soldiers, leaving them in this untenable situation.  Though they arrived at it differently--and aren’t commiserating at this point--Shepard and Garrus are feeling the same thing now:  They must continue to live together, but there’s no way this life can bring them any happiness or rest.

11. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

“Speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you”

Shepard is broken, and so is Garrus, a little.  This haunting acapella song (delivered in dual-toned overdub kind of like how a turian speaks, interestingly) was famously used by a TV drama for an overly dramatic murder scene, and then used again by Saturday Night Live to spoof that scene.  But Hide and Seek is technically about a divorce… and how a former home now becomes unrecognizably empty as the former couple moves out and apart.  Although they can’t separate, this is essentially what has happened to Shepard and Garrus.  Shepard tries to “live” as little as possible in the house while still being confined to it.  Garrus tries to escape to work.  

12. Rumble - Hi Fashion

“He said, she said / You better mind your space”

The alley brawl.  A complete turnaround from the previous song, this abrupt battle anthem (sung by dual tones again, and with a notable mention of a man and a woman both throwing the punches) is both high-energy, but also a slower tempo than you’d expect.  The effect is that of measured, precise violence rather than a chaotic frenzy; perfect for trained soldiers giving a beatdown.  Canon Shepard gets ribbed for being an awful dancer--outside of the battlefield, at least, giving an ironic twist to the dance imagery in the lyrics.  But this is technically the first time in the story that Shepard and Garrus are in sync: their first metaphorical dance together.

13. Hammer to Fall - Queen

“Tow the line and play their game / Yeah, let the anesthetic cover it all”

Medigel.  This story's version of Shepard loves Queen, and this song provides the title for the story’s later chapters, so it had to be on the soundtrack of course.  A disillusioned anthem to soldiers who are asked to fight wars for reasons someone else decided, it describes Shepard and Garrus’ situation perfectly--their lives have been ruined because of Fedorian’s unjust war.  Even though this is a small snippet of background to the story, it’s nevertheless a critical turning point, when Garrus realizes just how badly Shepard has been wronged… and that he himself contributed to it.

14. Karma - Marina

“So vicious, this cycle / When you live in sweet denial”

The apology: Shepard’s view.  Garrus apologies to Shepard, but she doesn’t know how to take it.  She’s skeptical, and with good reason.  Although this song is talking about a great deal of betrayal, the tone is less angry--or even melancholy--than weary and aloof.  The singer has made what peace she can with the situation, and is just waiting to see how everything plays out, rather than actively wishing harm on someone.  Karma is usually about an equal return of bad experiences, but Shepard is too defeated at this point to really care about that.  Garrus’ distress at his actions is actually better karma than if he himself were to be betrayed.

15. I Won’t Let You Down - OK Go

“Maybe all you need is someone to trust”

The apology: Garrus’ view.  Garrus is a man of action, and this upbeat track wastes no time in sorrow, instead attempting to reach out to the wounded party with a direct promise of support.  The lyrics talk about people who have every right to be distrustful, even using battle imagery (“no flag to fly”, “strap that armor tighter on”)... but rather than trying to get past their defenses, the singer encourages the downtrodden to fight harder--together.  A very Garrus point of view.

16. Rumors - Lindsay Logan

"You're probably gonna write what you didn't see”

The interview.  Ah, Khalisah.  A pretty straightforward song about paparazzi doing what paparazzi do, sung by the aggrieved celebrity.

17. One Shot - Rob Thomas

"We get one chance to make this kickstart”

Bottle shooting at the valley.  While Shepard and Garrus fire a lot of rounds during this little date, it's the final shot that's the most important.  Garrus' previous actions since their fight have been peace offerings, but this is his first actual gift to Shepard.  He gives Shepard his crown just to see her smile.  Essentially, his first romantic gesture is literally “one shot”.  The sentiment pairs perfectly with this energetic tune about starting something rare and good.

18. Souvenir - Johnnyswim

“It's those little things that I hold dear”

Terra Goods.  At this point, Shepard and Garrus are starting to do things to really support each other in little ways and in big ways, culminating in Garrus creating a whole souvenir trading company just to make Shepard happy.  This song, a duet that alternates between jaunty and staid, talks about a couple that had a brief good time, then separated due to some unnamed conflict.  Now they both think fondly of their time together, making souvenirs of the memories.  Both singers individually wish for another chance, while not realizing the other person does too.

19. DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love - Usher, Pitbull

“I think I remember those eyes”

Clubbing with Solana.  This throbbing dance tune is simple enough that even Shepard could probably keep to the beat.  Seeing Shepard (attempting to) dance is one of the first moments where Garrus is physically attracted to her.

20. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Easy come, easy go / Little high, little low”

The walk back.  Shepard sings this most famous Queen song as she stumbles home under Garrus’ watchful eye.  It describes a murderer with a guilty conscience, which Shepard is somewhat.  She’s killed a lot of turians, but now they are people to her instead of monsters.  Shepard probably isn’t thinking about that, though… it’s just a fun song to sing when you’re drunk.  Or anytime.

21. Livin’ in the Sunlight, Lovin’ in the Moonlight - The Good Johnsons

“I’m right here to stay”

Splashing in the fountain.  This whimsical cover of an old song is just silly enough for Shepard’s drunken water foray.  Although it’s been building for a bit, it takes hard liquor for Shepard to admit she might be happy on Palaven.  But there’s a slight undercurrent of the singer not believing their own message.  The line “I’m as free as any daughter” is especially ironic in this context.

22. Mom - Meghan Trainor

“Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine”

Visiting with Galena.  Shepard’s relationship with Garrus’ mother is one of my favorite parts of the story, and it’s one of the things that cements Shepard’s feeling that she may just belong here.  It’s also significant that even though Shepard is starting to love Garrus, she can only express love towards his mother at first.  In a way, loving Galena teaches Shepard how to love Garrus.  Hence why this story beat gets its own song.

23. With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

“Are you sad because you're on your own?”

The care package.  Finally, Shepard finds out that Earth hasn’t completely abandoned her.  This song especially talks about isolation when your lover is not there, and how friends can help you through it.  When Garrus isn’t there, Shepard is almost totally alone on the planet, so learning her squad still supports her is a huge relief.

24. Tongues - Joywave, KOPPS

“Tell me all the things I've missed”

Ashley.  This furtive song is about returning to where you are from, only to find out you are now a stranger to them.  While Shepard’s argument with Ashley is a little more circumspect than that, the gist is that Shepard learns that even though she now has this lifeline back to Earth, she’s not welcomed like she was before… which is just what she has been fearing since her interview with Khalisah.

25. Unbreakable - Jamie Scott

“I won't let you fall down now”

Garrus comforts Shepard and comes to a realization.  This song of gentle encouragement talks about a woman who has lost everything, and the man who wants to love her regardless.  It’s emotive and warm and seems to capture just what Garrus is thinking as Shepard cries in his arms.

26. War Paint - Fletcher

“I write the colors on my face”

The dress shop.  Keslia describes the Gala being a battle, and Shepard’s dress being her armor.  This song of self-empowerment uses loads of battle imagery and works in tandem with the previous one… Shepard’s been wounded emotionally but she’s still fighting.  Turians’ face markings have important meaning for family and home.  But for humans, the same sort of marks are called war paint and are used by warriors to represent ferocity and power.  Shepard turns an outfit that could just make her into the ornament that the turians want and turns it into a symbol of her survival.

27. Ballroom Blitz - Tia Carrere

“She could kill you with a wink of her eye”

The Gala, part 1.  A fun cover of an energetic song talking about a crazy party fight.  Between the turian generals and Cyntha, Shepard and Garrus really do have a battle on their hands.  While nothing violent actually happens, they have each other’s backs throughout the event, even standing up solo versus their partner’s enemies.

28. Blue Dress - Benjamin Franklin Leftwich

“I should love you better than that”

The Gala, part 2.  Shepard asks Garrus if her presence is harming his career, but he doesn’t reply.  This song is meant to be the answer he doesn’t say.  It’s an apology from a man whose work/travel has prevented him from participating in a relationship like he should.  Interestingly, in ME canon, it’s the opposite: the Shadow Broker notes that Garrus’ attachment to Shepard prevents him from being a better commander.  The line “But still my only weakness / Is you baby in that blue dress” fits nicely with the story, but funnily enough also with canon… as blue is the color of the Alliance uniforms that canon Shepard typically wears.

29. Vie En Rose - Pomplamoose

“It’s only him for me / and me for him, for life”

Dancing in the driveway.  This version of Shepard speaks French, so this slow, lilting, classic French love song is what I imagine coming out of the car stereo when Garrus teaches Shepard to dance.  Ok, so it’s probably more likely a turian song playing in this scene, but still.  I especially like the stanza that says “He speaks words of love to me / They are everyday words / And they do something to me” because unlike canon, where Shepard and Garrus’ bond is forged in battle, in this AU it’s built from all the little everyday things they say and do for each other.

30. Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

“If you're the art, I'll be the brush”

Painting.  Shepard and Garrus made that “100%” promise, but when it comes to feelings, they don’t exactly follow through.  This breathy song is about admitting--at least to yourself--that you were denying your emotions, and that your love interest seems to be as well.  Not that Shepard is clued in enough to realize Garrus feels the same way, but putting together the easel with Garrus also helped Shepard put together why she’s reacting to him the way she is.  Once again, they are in sync without realizing it, the dorks.  This song also contains numerous lines that fit the story nicely, such as talking about living arrangements, the battle of Troy (and isn’t that just the funniest view of Shepard’s infiltration of Palaven), and “feelings on fire”.

31. Anne of Green Gables - The Charlottetown Festival

“Anne of Green Gables, sweet and strange, / stay as you are today.”

Reading to Galena.  Oh, boy, here we go.  Get those tissues ready, it’s coming soon.  This simple song from the Anne of Green Gables musical doesn’t say much, but it has a sorrowful timbre that speaks of heartache to come.

32. I Think I Love You - The Partridge Family

“Do you think I have a case? Let me ask you to your face”

Happy Anniversary!  In canon and most fanon, Garrus is slick as oil until comes to telling Shepard how he feels, and then he gets adorably pitiful and nervous.  While at this point in the story, Garrus himself is probably not ready to call it “love”, this anxiety-ridden song still captures that fragile state of mind.  Sadly, Garrus gets interrupted before he makes it as far as the singer does in his confession.

33. Galena - Kerri Sherwood

Galena’s passing.  Did you know there are a lot of songs called “Galena”?  But though I searched and searched--and quite a few of them were sad songs--none of them had the right words.  Because there aren’t any right words for this, are there?  And so, a solemn, sad instrumental piece describes Galena’s last day.

34. In My Arms - Plumb

“All I can do is hold you tight”

Garrus’ breakdown.  This song is from a mother who wants to protect her child from the harshness of the world.  But Garrus’ mother is gone, so Shepard has to sing it instead.  Growing up is hard, and the very last and hardest part of growing up for most people is losing your parents.  As a side note, the song starts by mentioning blue eyes--one of Garrus’ most notable features.

35. Calling All Angels - Jane Siberry, k.d. lang

"Don’t leave me alone"

The Vigil, part 1.  A song imploring various spirits and saints to help guide you through a trying time.  On Palaven, where they ask the Spirits’ help for everything, this would probably be especially appropriate.  Granted, this song gets used in A LOT of soundtracks, but that’s because it’s so perfect for when you’ve lost someone.  More than just loss, this song also says that you know life will go on... but those first steps afterwards are the hardest.  It’s like the MVP of movie funeral songs, and Galena deserves the best, dammit.

36. Hope Will Lead Us On - Barlow Girl

"Become the flame / That shows us the way"

The Vigil, part 2.  Shepard steps up wonderfully for the Vakarian family and helps them heal.  This song, sung almost from a sort of battle commander’s perspective, mixes strong, driving beats with inspiring statements… while still having an underlying piano refrain that is haunting and forlorn.  It doesn’t try to move past the pain, but rather keeps it as a foundation for a new beginning.

37. That’s How You Know - Amy Adams, from “Enchanted”

"It's not enough to take the one you love for granted"

Operation Two Turtle Doves.  Shepard’s getting ready to meddle with Solana’s love life.  So we have a cute song from a cute movie on that very topic.  I wish the pronouns were correct for a wlw relationship like in the story, but what can ya do.  The line “Don’t treat her like a mind reader” made me laugh, because… Keslia literally is one, being an asari and all.

38. Can’t Help Falling In Love - Elvis Prestley

"Shall I stay?"

Kissing in the study.  One of my favorite parts of the story… a tired kiss that’s all about love and comfort rather than passion.  When Shepard and Garrus are both drained emotionally and physically from the Vigil, all that’s left is a quiet gravity that draws them together.  There are many versions of this song, but Elvis’ gentle crooning rendition is all about slow movements and tender questions.

39. Love Of My Life - Queen

“You don’t know what it means to me”

Singing to babies.  Shepard’s still singing Queen, so here is her next solo.  This is such a heartwarming scene, plus we get a bit of sibling slapstick for a laugh.  The funny part is that even though Shepard is the one singing this song to the babies, the lyrics are really describing what Garrus is feeling in this scene.  It works as a cute lullaby, in the way that lullabies often are kind of dark for some reason.

40. Heaven Is A Place On Earth - Belinda Carlisle

"When I feel alone, I reach for you / And you bring me home"

Going to Earth.  There Garrus goes again with the grand gestures.  Not just anybody can say they gave their partner the world.  As much as this Shepard likes Queen, I bet she also likes other 80’s classics like Belinda Carlisle.  This song represents Shepard’s response to Garrus’ gift.

41. Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

“Everybody stands, as she goes by / Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes”

Arriving at Earth.  This song is meant to be from Garrus’ perspective, seeing Shepard in her natural habitat, and is particularly inspired by the story’s description of Shepard being “swallowed by sunlight” as she leaves the ship...which would make her look like she was on fire.  It’s a song of admiration and wonder over the power of this one woman who stands out from everyone else.  P.S. Did anyone else imagine the spaceship was the Normandy, even though it wasn’t?  I did.

42. Wannabe - Spice Girls

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”

The Squad.  Ok, so this song is not serious at all, but Shepard’s squad are a bunch of goofballs anyway.  Although at this point Shepard probably wouldn’t tell Garrus goodbye if he bugged her like the song mentions, she does state that it means a lot to her that Garrus makes friends with her group.

43. Where Everybody Knows Your Name - Gary Portnoy

I initially added this song for Hudson’s, as it’s the theme song from the sitcom Cheers, which is all about this type of bar.  HOWEVER, there are verses in the full song that you never hear in the tv show, including one that’s a bit of toxic masculinity bordering on transphobia.  So, this song can just go in the trash where it belongs.

43. Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

“Home is wherever I’m with you”

The broken nose.  Shepard’s gotten another reminder that she doesn’t quite belong on Earth anymore… but that ends up being okay, because Garrus is her home now.  This fun duet talks about how even if you travel and have a variety of experiences, you can find that the person you shared it with is what’s really important.  This is in direct contrast to the song of the same name earlier in the playlist, which talked about needing Home to be an actual place.  In the middle of the song is a spoken-word section about the man realizing he’s in love with the woman only when she gets injured… which is so Shepard and Garrus it’s funny.  I thought for a long time that the woman’s name in the song was “Jane,” which would have made an even better fit, but it turns out it’s “Jade”.  Ah well.

44. Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty - Chris & Pui

“Purr, purr, purr”

Mr. Biscuits.  A children’s lullaby about cats napping and purring.  The main verse mentions London, which is just a coincidence as a significant location for canon Shepard & Garrus. But really I just wanted a song that Shepard could tease Garrus with.

45. I Want To Break Free - Queen

“I've fallen in love for the first time / And this time I know it's for real”

Operation I Want To Break Free.  Another of Shepard’s Queen-inspired choices that of course had to be on the soundtrack.  This rock anthem has several elements that apply to the story, including falling in love in a strange circumstance, and trying to escape from an oppressive situation.  The song is not necessarily addressed to the singer’s lover though, so the “you” referenced is more likely the outside oppressor.  As Shepard is planning this operation without Garrus’ help, it would make sense that this not song is speaking to him directly.

46. Aurora Borealis - Bohnes

“I saw with my own eyes something beautiful”

Seton Lake:  Garrus’ view.  This location actually exists in real life and is worth googling an image of!  This breathy ballad is an ode to love that is as sublime and ineffable as the northern lights.  With lyrics that talk about stellar phenomena and our place in the universe, it’s especially poignant for lovers from different planets.  The line about “a beautiful coincidence that causes love” also fits pretty well, since the arranged marriage turning to love was all unplanned.  There’s also a line, “the world inside your eyes is more than black and white to me,” and one of Garrus’ most famous lines in canon is about how he’s unsure how to operate outside of black and white morality… but as it turns out, when it’s Shepard, he’s okay with it.

47. I Choose You - Sara Bareilles

“I believe in something again”

The Mark.  While this chapter is explicit, it’s also really charming, humorous, and emotional.  So this light and breezy song about choice and beginnings fits well as Shepard’s perspective.  This story is largely about Shepard having her autonomy taken from her, with the course of her entire life decided by others.  But when she is finally in a position to do something about it--and when Garrus even offers her an out--she chooses him.  The song mentions outside influences trying to convince the singer that her love is impossible or wrong, which is again something that Shepard has had to deal with.  But Shepard now willingly accepts the mark from Garrus that she once rejected… As the song says, the mark is a visible symbol that will “Tell the world that we finally got it all right”.  The line “I will become yours and you will become mine” sounds like a wedding vow, which seems especially appropriate.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Thirty-Eight: As Above, So Below”

Day At Least Seven Solitary Coif: struggling

Alice’s thigh: stunning

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: FP’s jellybean tattoo: incredibly, tenderly sad

Certified pedigree: “I’m glad the Farm opened you up to the possibility of us”: either Alice thought about this to herself, or she (absolutely) asked the rest of her cult what they thought. what they THOUGHT about her sleeping with FP again. “What d’you think, girls?” Alice wine clubbed FP Jones’s dick!

who has more game, FP or Jughead? FP a) is a grown man, b) is oftentimes gainfully employed (I’ve forgotten if he’s employed right now), c) is strong enough to carry a high school boy out of the woods, d) was VERY smooth with his seemingly instinctual “Then don’t. Tell him,” e) did that thing where he took the gum out of his mouth when Alice came to his trailer, and f) looked pretty good in his crisp Pop’s uniform when he was employed at Pop’s. however FP also a) tends to drink when not employed and b) is fucking obsessed with Toledo, a town I will burn to the ground if I ever set foot in it. meanwhile, Jughead a) climbed up a fucking ladder to Betty’s bedroom, b) ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT when he and Betty almost fucked each other in the kitchen, c) KILLED IT AND BURIED IT in the moments before fucking her on the couch when he was all, “Or you could stay,” and fucking touched her dress like she was an angel of the Lord and he was just a humble shepherd boy whose eyes were not worthy to gaze upon her countenance, d) only strategically removes his hat, and e) rides a motorcycle. the hat is not a con, necessarily, and being a writer in high school is a cross some of us simply have to bear, but he is like, kind of a pain sometimes and a little squirrelly, but w/r/t the love of his life, he has tailored himself to her every need almost perfectly

OH AND I FORGOT WHEN HE KISSED HER SCABBY BLOOD KNUCKLES! OH SHIT!

Veronica has the most game on the entire show

I like when they have Jughead use words like “modicum”

“Ben’s death haunts me, Jug. He didn’t scream. Why not, I wonder?”: writing credits this episode go to Daphne de Maurier

YYEEEAAAAAHHH THE BLUE & GOLD CRIME BOARD BABY

I would almost expect something more from the warden’s tie, except that I know plain clothing is, in and of itself, a warning sign

anything that gets Veronica in her reading glasses is okay by me, and this includes Pop’s hemorrhaging money

Jughead can wear just a T-shirt sans jacket or flannel any old time he wants, I’m just putting that vibe out there

“Of course we’re calling it a speakeasy.”

Jug’s suspender game is strong, so really Betty should know she has nothing to worry about

his stupid dumb round face looking at her when she pulls him aside is pretty. remember when he kissed her hands? fucking Jughead sometimes, dude

“Evelyn...creeps me out.”

I like Betty’s overalls and Evelyn’s romper thing

what I expected when Kevin dialed the phone was for the whole booth to sink into the basement like a surprise elevator

Kander and Ebb wrote the music to, among much else, Cabaret and Chicago, those being some of their most gay

I LOVE VERONICA’S WHITE SHIRT. IT’S JUST A FUCKING PLAIN WHITE SHIRT, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: is there some heat between Veronica and Reggie? am I crazy?

the foursome of Reg, Ronnie, Josie, and Kev is basically just as strong as the cour four strictly in terms of hair

I don’t know that I like Penny’s sleeveless Ghoulies vest more than her leather Serpents jacket but I do know I like it at least the same amount (oodles)

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Day One Lifted Bag Off Head Hair: GREAT

OH MY GOD, JOAQUIN!!!! WHEN WILL JOAQUIN REST. DOES EVERY TERRIBLE THING HAVE TO HAPPEN TO JOAQUIN BEFORE IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE. IS JOAQUIN IN THE FARM

does Archie have a scar on his head? is it KJ’s? have I lost track of something?

Gay?!: BABY TEETH is an absolute twink and he was tapped to save his life

I’m suspicious of Peter because his name is, simply, “Peter”

Gay.: Cheryl and Toni are just like lounging in a single chair together and that’s the bisexual agenda

Veronica was rich: Veronica’s heavy card stock IS very nice

Ethel’s cute yellow cardigan is back, which matches her thermos and lunchbox

I enjoyed when Betty sits down and you think she’s going to apologize for being there at Ben’s death but instead she just fucking grills Ethel some more

“...G&G.”

OOOOOOHHHHHHH JUGHEAD’S TURNING IT ON WITH THAT PRINCESS SHIT

Please protect Betty: Betty’s entire expression at being told she’s “not worthy,” God bless her

The female gaze: I don’t know why Reggie’s shirt is off. probably Reggie doesn’t even know

Reggie’s panicked JJ face is one of the top five panicked faces of all time. he’s tied at least with the girl in Jurassic Park when she sees the raptor shadow and her hand holding that green Jell-O starts shaking

Minetta doesn’t even pretend he’s looking for something other than whatever was in those boxes. cold, Minetta

REGGIE’S SALUTE

Reg simply being aware that Minetta and the Ghoulies work for Hiram almost brings me to tears. not only is he a walking sculpture with a pair of lips that would make Sarah Steller throw herself off the Hoover Dam, but he is also a genius

VERONICA IS SO BEAUTIFUL. “Not until I’m properly armed.” just look at her!

Ethel didn’t even come to the first meeting of the Farm Club? cold, Ethel

Evelyn offering Betty a pizza slice comes off as her genuinely wanting Betty to have a piece of pizza if she wants, which is the first non-creepy thing she’s done (Jughead would take the pizza)

she of course follows this up with “that darn medication”

Archie looks like a corpse in the blue light

tell me “wakey, wakey” is a Kill Bill reference. TELL ME IT IS

the guy they have fighting Archie looks just enough like Khabib Nurmagomedov that I was like, is this an unconscious wish on someone’s part to do a rematch of red-haired McGregor vs. Khabib except it’s on Riverdale so it’s in something called “the Pit” which is a drained swimming pool and they’re in juvie? (it’d have to be a fantasy in that Conor McGregor would get his ass beaten by Khabib Nurmagomedov in any rematch in any universe, in the universe)

dude does his best but, as Sweet Pea and Vintage Reggie can tell you, you cannot let Archie land a) a right hook or b) an uppercut or he will end this fight

who’re the rando white women watching? their fucking wives? goddammit, white women

I think Baby Teeth could take Reggie jawline-to-jawline

Veronica’s kittenish heels sinking into the dirt as opposed to her striding effortlessly as Moses parting the Red Sea

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: “THAT VIPER BITCH”

Antoinette Topaz is fluent in many languages, including Veronica’s

God bless jingle-jangle: the fucking cat burglar sequence set to “Jingle Jangle” just about fucking did it

Ethel’s candle game is reaching midnight mass-levels of mastery

so did Betty and Jughead get their ad hoc sex den (good band name) out of the bunker before Ethel got there? or was it there the whole time but for Ben and Ethel?

I feel I want to write down that Ben abandoned Ethel to ascend prematurely with Dilton otherwise I’ll forget and will be tricked by something later on

POLLY’S KNITTED HALTER

closed captioning capitalized the Shady Man, the second strangest Riverdale skull

Alice really just did Betty like that! maybe Betty DOES need to live in a bunker

50 Shades of Betty: “The wig. The webcaming.”

I love how Betty always gets very sarcastically OH, OKAY THEN when she decides to start laying out some truths

Alice stands up and her dress has some sort of insane asymmetrical hemline and she’s also got an ankle bracelet!!!!!!

Dilton Doiley Ethel Muggs is a canonically great dancer the DM: Ethel’s little crush on Jughead circa his birthday party has not abated. even when he was being insane about the Serpents I bet she entertained sweet fantasies of buying a pleather jacket off ModCloth and Jughead “inducting” her. so she found herself a coterie of pliable boys who were also gangly and weird and obsessed with details and pacts and she became their princess. so THERE. you fucking bet she’s gonna get a kiss out of Jughead before she fucking poisons herself

Ethel’s dungeon master voice is giving me a sort of ASMR vibe

I don’t want to veer too wildly but she is wearing a crown, her character has “a crown”

dog, was she about to kill Jughead right then and there? Ethel goes hard. Ethel might go harder than Jughead

“You’re asking me to play Russian roulette!” “I’m asking you to play Gryphons and Gargoyles.” THIS BITCH (in context it’s very smooth and bitchy)

GOD BUT JUGHEAD DID DRINK IT. VERY WELL KNOWINGLY, HE DID IT

Jughead eats: Salud is just the sort of thing I’d expect Jug to say before maybe drinking cyanide (or skol, if he had been watching Ingmar Bergman)

I don’t know if I could drink that much Kool-Aid that fast. Kool-Aid and Sunny D always made my teeth feel filmy. I could definitely down that much Capri Sun, if it were in a pouch the size of my shin

anyway Ethel’s sick move telling Jughead he has to kiss her first got an emotional reaction from me at almost the level of when Cheryl came down to Jason’s wake in that white dress

Jughead and Ethel are almost of a height, which is weirdly lovely

These students are legally children: maybe Ethel put the poison in after Jughead had chosen. I maybe doubt she would’ve just fucking assassinated Jughead

Jughead was reading next to her when she woke up, which is just a specific kind of daydream you have, sometimes

Sixth period is Intro to Film: HEISENBURG

Toni’s pictures are certainly shot with a mind to lighting, depth

is blue light the light of evil? Hiram’s study, the warden’s office?

Archie > Dawson: of course Archie imagines talking to his father and of course he imagines his father telling him to “take one.” I love Self-Sacrificial Lamb Archie (or just momentarily self-sacrificing). better than Fascist Archie!

well, Betty’s room has blue light too. fucking forget it then

although she is SURROUNDED BY EVIL at all times

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “I trust them more than I trust you” is season one-level Alice-shade

Cheryl’s sheaths: I like very much Cheryl’s bosomy sequin thing and Toni’s back jewelry

I also like the RROTC boys in their like WWII uniforms, which may be anachronistic but still hard vintage, and the cigar girls

Jughead doubts it: there’s so much going on when Betty goes all melty and wipes some of the Fresh-Aid off Jug’s lips and Jug, who is not smiling, looks at Sweet Pea helping Veronica

Best costume bit: Veronica is in magenta, because I deserve it

I can’t wholly endorse Reggie’s non-black plaid trousers paired with a solid black blazer but I CAN endorse Reggie as a whole

Cheryl’s Hiram’s pins: I think Hiram has a fucking octopus pin! I think it is!!!!!!!!

the wallpaper behind Hiram downstairs is...interesting. it’s like a cutout from that Disney cartoon for “Winter Wonderland”

we stay on Veronica’s face for sort of an extra beat, so I can confirm a) she’s still beautiful and b) she has a sparkly thing in her hair

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie’s got that thing going on where you gem up the part in your hair

God I love a good Riverdale music/mayhem montage. like what were they playing when Jughead ran the gauntlet? fuck sometimes this stuff is just still so good (“Mess Around” when Reggie lunged for Jughead also counts, though not performed live somewhere else in Riverdale at the same moment)

“Anything Goes” is in fact not Kander and Ebb but Cole Porter

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: I love a good bead of bloody spit dangling from someone’s mouth during a slow-mo fight sequence

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “THAT KID…..IS A STAR.”

that fucking rum, can you believe it? the fucking shade of it all

Fifth period is AP English: OH MY GOD. THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO. OH MY GOD, THE FUCKING HAMMER. THE COUNT OF MONTE MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN YES GOD HOLY BITCH

“Damn good coffee”: the goddamn shot of FP and Alice standing together flanked by the flames of their righteous destruction of the G&G manual

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica is pretty fucking brave to still be living in Hiram Lodge’s HOUSE. and of course that’s what her dressing gown looks like

oh my god, Joaquin is still alive? Joaquin’s STILL HERE?

ARCHIE’S GONNA BREAK OUT OF PRISON AND I MUST CLEANSE MYSELF OF SIN TO BE WORTHY OF ITS GLORY (I trust Riverdale a lot more again at the moment)

so wait, Jughead put the cot BACK? are these two different bunkers? is it the same effing bunker???

“It’s over”: you fucking fool

yes, it’s the same goddamn bunker. the candles are still there! I guess I thought the wicked juju from Ethel’s ~SUICIDE ATTEMPT~ would deter the two of them from FUCKING IN THE EXACT SAME BUNKER but Betty and Jughead literally do not give a single damn where they do it

Jug’s headphones!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl’s expression at reading the G&G manual is appropriately be-Blossomed

The Blossom spawn: she still has a photo of Jason in her locker and I think a sticker that says “Literally no one cares”

What damn high school in America: those manuals have a QR code on the back, so you can play on your phone! GIVE ME THE APP, RAS

who unsheathed Ethel? LORD, WHO LET HER LOOSE?

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NEXT WEEK: Camila Mendes wears glasses the entire time

[mootmuse]

So I have a little pet peeve when it comes to the setup of some post-game fics in the Detroit: Become Human fandom. It’s a pet peeve that maybe says more about me than that setup itself, but I thought my perspective on Hank and his issues might be useful, or at least interesting. 

Discussion of Hank’s issues follows, particularly his desire to self harm and a maybe less obvious way that can manifest (specifically, Hank’s eating habits). This also briefly mentions his suicide attempt. Proceed with that in mind. 

So! Hank's alcoholism comes at least partly from a desire to hurt himself. That much, according to the scene in the park, is canon. Personally I mentally extend that into his eating habits, because I remember feeling that way about food myself - like, eating badly might do the harm to me that I couldn't bring myself to do in a more direct way. That part is headcanon but there's also the fact that, even drunk enough to have lowered inhibitions, Hank's suicide attempt (except the one later in the game, which was in sort of exceptional circumstances) takes the form of russian roulette, where he can tell himself he's not doing it directly. He even says he doesn't 'have the guts to pull the trigger' which is an aspect of his character I bring my (much much lighter) experience into, where like, you want to do shit to yourself because you feel like you deserve it, but you feel like you're too 'cowardly' to actually do it.

So when Hank says he doesn't 'have the guts' to pull the trigger I can't help but interpret that line by applying my own version of that feeling to it. And to have a complete picture of that feeling we can’t only consider deep dark violent stuff like hank's drinking or hank's worrying level of comfort with that gun of his - to get a complete picture of what I understand that feeling to be we’d have to consider how that feeling would permeate his life, even in ways that seem relatively innocent and small.

So: food. people yell all the time about eating healthy, about how unhealthy eating will kill you, so I imagine Hank's eating habits satisfy his drive to self harm in two ways:

- the physical, where when he eats bad shit he thinks it's going to give him a heart attack or whatever some day, which satisfies his drive to self harm without being so direct that it puts on alert that part of him which wants to live/is afraid to die.

- And it satisfies the urge to self harm in an emotional way, where in general our society ridicules and thinks less of people who don't make any attempt to eat well. So if Hank doesn't eat well it helps him think things like 'i'm a shitty person for eating this hamburger' - which isn't something he'd think consciously, and would probably rant about if someone actually said to him, but like I said, that feeling would permeate even small parts of the way he interacts with the world so eating badly feeds, in a small way, his self hatred, which satisfies the urge to self harm.

Food is also, like the alcohol, a substance that helps him feel better in the short term, with even fewer obvious negative side effects. It briefly, in a small way, quiets his urge to self harm in a way he doesn’t have to fight himself to achieve, and it actively boosts his mood. Comfort eating is a powerful fucking thing, especially in a situation like the one I imagine Hank’s in. 

So when I open up a story - and I’m not talking about any story in particular, I haven’t read every dbh fic there is but from what I’ve seen this is pretty common - When I open up a story and one of the first things it says is that Hank’s on a diet now, and the audience didn’t see any work getting put into that, it’s just assumed that it’s happening now, it grates on me. Stories tend to say that it’s happening because Connor lovingly nagged Hank into healthier eating, sometimes even limiting Hank’s alcohol consumption, and the first thing that gets to me is the fact that it always feels like Connor’s the person pushing that change. When those coping mechanisms tie so closely into Hank’s issues, Hank would have to be the one to decide to change those habits. 

Fics that have Hank eating better because Connor pressure him into it mean well, and I do like what they’re trying. They’re trying for a post game world where Hank is recovering, where he has a family and is treating himself better, and I love that! It’s a worthy goal and definitely a good thing to frame as A Happy Ending. But his habits come from his issues, and the assumption that someone else nagging him is what solved all that - and the assumption that this happened before the fic even started, that the process of Hank beginning to treat himself better is so much of a non-process that it’s not even worth writing or reading, that it’s just how things are when the real story starts - sometimes gets to me. I WANT to see Hank eat better - but I want to see that because I want to see the slow painful process of Hank coming to want it himself - and wanting better for yourself is its own struggle, one that I’d love to see given more attention in fics with Hank in them - and I want to see the long process of him trying to construct alternate healthier avenues to channel his issues into. Because that would be necessary too. 

Honestly I am interested in the idea of seeing a scenario explored where Connor worries at him to drink less and eat better until Hank agrees without understanding why he eats badly, without addressing the root issue behind that behavior and without constructing alternate coping mechanisms. I don’t think the attempt would go well. 

Also I have to be honest, the idea of someone nagging anyone to eat better is inherently a little infuriating to me. I know not everyone resents being told to do shit as much as I do but I can’t help but bring that into it XD But mostly I just want to see this aspect of Hank’s issues treated as one head of a labyrinthine hydra of issues (shush, the mixed metaphor works - you cut off the bad-eating-habits head without struggling to navigate the rest of the hydra’s complex and toxic innards, just shut down one aspect of it without dealing with with the beast as a whole, and that one head just grows back angrier), because that is more meaningful and inspiring to me than seeing it assumed - or so goes the impression I get when I see Hank’s quick change in eating habits put in the story as a tiny, seemingly unimportant detail - that being better is just a switch Hank can flip and now he eats better because this one person is around, and that change was simple and easy and not really worth incorporating into the rest of the story. 

Feeling as Hank does about himself would take a lot of long term work to come back from. It would take him a lot of long term work before he even wanted to come back from it, and until he starts doing all that work his issues are going to bleed into maybe-unexpected facets of his life. It just gets to me a little when I feel like that’s been overlooked or treated as a quicker, simpler matter than it is in real life. Hank’s shitty eating is important to me. It feels silly to say, but there are deep reasons behind it. 

[u-r--lovely]

My Story In Seven Chapters: “Underneath The Marks”

Ch.1 Flowery Sheets

Sometimes late at night I’d pretend to fall asleep on the bottom of my mom and dad’s bed just so my dad could carry me in with his strong arms and warm heart. I remember my childhood as an old movie playing on the screen of a projector dropping in and out of my consciousness. Growing up in a large family I was often overlooked, and quiet, so if you could imagine it was easy for me to feel invisible. From a young age I’ve learned to pretend, to disconnect, to venture into a world of my own. I had imaginary friends who were fairies that followed me everywhere. I hid under books, and stuffed animals as my older brother shot up heroin and older sister got drunk in the upstairs attic.Cop cars lights were a common presence in my driveway but I didn’t mind because at least my brothers and sisters would be safe from the drugs that way.  On the hard days, I remember the flowery pink sheets I kept myself in, the silhouette of my own hand comforting my soul. I remember holding my bunny tight as my mom sang me Amazing Grace as I fell asleep. I remember begging my brother Jeremy to open the bathroom door when he was shooting up Heroin one time, and the day he stole my babysitting money for drugs. Then, came the day I asked where he was and my mom freaked out because she had forgotten about him and suddenly... he was gone. Actually gone. I was twelve and didn’t know much about death (I mean what twelve year old should), but I knew that he had been sick for a really long time and that he was finally finally free and that made me happy and sad at the same time.

Ch. 2  Scratchy Beards

When my dad told me he got sick with Cancer, I sort of thought it was okay because that meant he’d be at home more. That meant he would actually make us real dinners instead of having hot pockets every night and cold burnt spaghetti. Between the ages of twelve and fifteen I filled my life with making origami, twirling, and writing songs about pretty girls, fairy dust and sunshine. I hated when my dad came to my school because he had to carry around this huge oxygen tank with plastic wires creeping out of his nose, and I pretended I didn’t know him. I still feel bad about that to this day. The most iconic thing about my dad other then him being secretly gay (which I didn’t know about until now), was his scratchy beard and large tattooed forearm. I miss his hugs most of all, maybe that’s why hugging people feels wrong at times--no one’s hugs are quite like his were. My mom and dad left for Europe to seek alternative cancer treatment the last year he was alive. This just so happened to be when my sister got sober. As she was parenting her own baby boy out of wedlock, she also was supposed to be parenting me. In a flash of an instant,  me and all my siblings gathered around his hospital bed and sang Amazing Grace to his subconscious mind through the rumbling of the machines keeping him alive. Walking out of the ICU each of us said “see you later’ because we all knew it wasn’t goodbye. I guess, not really. On the Christmas morning before tenth grade,  he had left us and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. I had told myself a few days before that if he didn’t call me beautiful one last time, then something just something was wrong with me. I knew exactly how I was going to change that.

Ch. 3 Safety Pins

I forgot to mention, that while my mom was saving my dads life in Europe I had decided to try to change my own, in the only way I knew how. I decided to stop being the good invisible quiet christian girl and become someone who was seen. At the time, I believed I just wanted to make friends, yah know..be a part of something-- but in a desperate need to distract myself from the losses I endured I had to find a way to become alive again. I self harmed for the first time at fifteen and didn’t think much of it, I thought it was cool and something other people in my friend group did. I didn’t know safety pins weren’t all that safe, I didn’t know hurting myself would become an addiction I’d struggle with for the next six years of my life. I thought that if people saw the pain on my body they could hear me asking for help. Even as I hid under long sleeves and smiles and laughter I started to feel the deeply distant darkness pull me away from myself. Even though I thought I didn’t want anyone to know about it, I felt as though I was screaming yet I wouldn’t allow any sound to come out.

Ch. 4 Porcelain Bowls

A few months after my dad died my mom ran off to Florida every weekend with her new but old boyfriend whom she had been with before my dad 30 years earlier. At the cost of losing my dad, and subsequently losing my mom, I found solace in toilet bowls and diet colas. My friends and I had sort of made a game of it, we’d talk about dieting and then talk about feeling bad for giving into the diets and then feel bad for feeling bad. What started off as a game between friends, began to become a dangerous game of Russian roulette. I remember high school as a blur of calories, cheese puffs, and washing my hands in sinks. I kissed boys that I pretended to like behind tennis courts and eventually began treatment for my eating disorder and self harm during my senior year of high school. I got better ( or so I thought), but beneath the perfect recovery girl I created, laid a deep fear of still not being seen, still not being heard.

Ch. 5 False Safety

I went to college and fell in love with a girl I didn’t pretend to love and went to therapy twice a week.This is a time in my life I like to call “False Safety” because although I felt somewhat okay, I was relying on others around me to take care of me, I never learned to do it myself. I ran around college from club to club pretending to be the recovered girl I thought I had to be, but others couldn’t see what was truly underneath. During therapy I was being seen and loved and everything felt okay... but outside of that small room I believed I was alone. I mean, I  thought things were better, and they were... yet I continued to run from the pain through self harm. I craved so much attention from my girlfriend that if I did not get to be her world, I felt I couldn’t be with her at all. I was so scared of her leaving me like my mom did, I left her before she got the chance too. Back when I was ten, I waited for hours and hours for my mom to pick me up at camp and as each car passed by  and it was not her my disappointment grew deeper. In my adulthood I learned to instead stop waiting for her--or anyone,  I decided to run away and never be found because then I wouldn’t have to face being abandoned.

Ch.6 The Pink Room

It was a month or so after the breakup and I hid behind doorways so I wouldn’t have to see her look away from me. I hid in bathrooms during panic attacks and cried into my cereal in the back of the cafeteria. My world stopped when my therapist told me she was moving (leaving me is what I heard). I had completely attached myself to her and I felt that the one person in my life that truly saw me was leaving. Leaving. People are always leaving me I thought. I decided to fill up the hole she left with alcohol in coffee cups and pills and more cuts and more fake smiles and more “recovery” articles and speaking engagements. It wasn’t enough. None of these things were ever really enough. In the week my therapist left me, I decided to get as drunk as I could and pretend to be happy and flirt with boys I didn’t know because that would make everything better right? I didn’t know the boy with black hair was seven years older than me. October 13th October 13th October 13th. I didn’t know he’d be so mean and when the drinking game got out of hand I didn’t have the capability to say yes or no. I didn’t know walking drunkenly into that pink room, he’d hurt me the way he did. It wasn’t rape, but it was terrifying, violent, awfully painful physically and emotionally.  He was a giant dog playing with a glass doll and he shattered me into a million pieces, he shattered my fake smile right off my face.

Ch. 7 Letting Love In

From October 2017 to May 2018, everything was a blur. A blur of multiple treatment programs for depression, anxiety, and the sexual assault. The Eating Disorder came back stronger and more powerful than ever and this time I was determined to run as far away as I could from that pink room and from the therapist that left me. After a week in the psych ward I thought I could get better on my own with the eating disorder, I thought that I could control my out-of-control-ness. In February 2018, I told my mom I was going to go to treatment, but would wait until Monday. Suddenly, I had a thought, an urge, a quiet voice in the back of my head telling me to go that Friday instead, which I did. I entered treatment for the millionth time and was quickly rushed to the ER for low potassium. It was late at night and no one in my family was picking up the phone. I was in an unknown ER, half asleep, half dead and I still didn’t feel sick enough. There was an IV stuck in my arm and doctors telling me my levels were life threateningly low and I still didn’t feel like I was ‘that bad’. I don’t know if I’d be alive right now, if God hadn’t told me to go that Friday. He truly saved my life. From that point on, I started listening to that quiet voice. A month or so of running from God, one suicide attempt and many family therapy sessions later I decided to go to Selah House. I finally decided to give up the demons that had become my identity. I decided to let love in again. I decided that I could only be free if I let myself be. I could only get better on God’s terms. I know now that I had to fight the ED, Depression, Self harm, PTSD, Anxiety, and Addiction with God by my side only. I know now that what went on in that pink room was not my fault, and I don’t have to be ashamed of it or put blame on myself in any way. Here at Selah is where I’ve found hope. Here, I’ve found healing. Here, I’ve found love. Love between God, others and myself. I know now that it was never actually about the food, the numbers, or the marks. I know that I have a future, a future of helping others heal in the same ways I did. A future full of laughter, crying, heartache, touch, and love. All of my life has really been what’s in between. In between moments of exhale, of tears running down my face, of dad hugs, and Real smiles. These things are all a part of my story but they are not at the core of who I really am.  My life was never meant to be a sad story because I’m not that girl anymore. I am healing, I am tough skin made of scars, I am endless nights crying and glorious mornings shining like nothing bad has ever happened. I am becoming free, becoming Real and I have so much yet to learn about the spaces in between.

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s4ep17 “Mandatory Brunch Meeting”  Personal Reviewish 

“You hear that? That's the sound of democracy.”   Warning spoilers below

Okay I´m still not really back in review mode, maybe it´s because I couldn´t stay away from tumblr and scrolled quickly, but not quickly enough to completely go past a lot of complaints about Lee/Ed and Jeremiah and I expected so much worse?

* I actually found the JEREMIAH VALESKA plot potentially really interesting. They´ve pretty much managed to continue the thing where they give you some compassion for Jerome just to take it away the next second and do it all over again. I´m really curious if we get to know more what Jeremiah actually did to make Jerome´s family believe he wanted to kill him, or if this was indeed more or less the truth anyway. I actually like it that they put something personal into Jerome´s storyline than just have him run “crazy” and be themadmanthatwant´sthecitygomadTM. I´m also wondering about ECCO. Having her defeat Jerome so easily, already having the cage at hand was a nice moment. (Again something that went against the big scary escaped baddie thing.) That Jeremiah didn´t want to leave without her was a nice touch but the “She's devoted her life to me.” gives me the creeps. * I wish they had done more with the shot where Jerome wakes up in Jeremiah´s lair! When they made him pat the walls going round it looked like the start of a really awesome shot that´s both playing at the mime motive (just with real walls this time) and a really claustrophobic atmosphere. Just imagine Jerome locked away in a grey cubicle, with no audience, no entertainment, just himself. But then, the promptly showed the camera. I think they could have done much more with that moment. The initial reaction of him waking up, laughing and going “interesting” could have just faded into a moment of severe doubt, fear and dread that this, would indeed not be so interesting at all. Just a tiny moment of that please. * “Oh, pun worthy. Excellent.”  Yes! Loved all of that. Jerome was rally entertaining in this. Just right to the bit where they remind you of all the horrible stuff he did and does, like when he plays Russian roulette with an Arkham inmate and kill off all compassion again. Ugh. “Damn. Doesn't even make me feel better at all.”  (< how did this one line manage to restore 0,3% compassion with him tough ??!)  * “Oh, hell no! You are not hypnotizing me again! (shouting)” “That's one way to do it.” “Must go, must go, must go, must go!” also I love how he, even stressed Tetch set that up to rhyme with “they are after me and the scarecrow” * “Why have I gathered this legion of Horribles? That has a nice ring to it.  Write that down, will ya?” Is this a writer indirectly patting it´s own shoulder? What is it with the reccuring titles  now the one from 2x21  and before the “The Demon's Head” 4x4. Also on a sidenote I like that Jerome is like “write that down” every 10 minutes, very relateable * “Put all questions on ice until the end. Danke schön.” Danekschön? Is that a jab at Arnold Schwarzenegger (again) ?! * “You hear that? That's the sound of democracy.”  “Our leader, Doc Thompkins she thinks that she knows what's good for you. She thinks stapling a live barracuda to someone's face isn't damn good entertainment.”   I was absolutely on board with LESLIE THOMPKINS saying the crowd is solely there because of the money, and the whole show felt certainly more like a dream of Ed than something that would really happen, like they are only putting up with the Riddle stuff for violent entertainment and money but then again couldn´t they just robbed him and gone back to their fighting business, seems there was something about the show and performance as well.  The point where EDWARD NYGMA juxtaposed Queen Lee and the “democratic” will of the people was an interesting one. Leslie´s been certainly showing some “saviour complex” moments, but she´s also always made sure to incorporate the people of the Narrows. So I don´t quite agree with The Riddler´s “propaganda” but it´s a good try. And Leslie will have a hard time changing the place to what she thinks is best, or what arguably is best. Srsly stapling a live barracuda to someone´s face, if you don´t care about the people then you gotta at least see the animal cruelty.. * “Okay, I'll join you. But you better deliver. I'm not your friend.” “I can live with those terms.”   Butch Gilzean/Solomon Grundy must loathe that word at that point. There´s again someone wanting stuff from him calling him a friend. Also I´m still not getting that whole Oswald/Butch friendship at all, I´m still not over Butch sticking with Oswald in Theo Galavan plot. Oswald cut off his hand. They were only a “team” in the first place because Zsasz tortured him and Oswald took extensive advantage of it. Also okay, so him treating his condition is indeed about Tabitha. Given that they again portrayed him as someone just pale and strong this still feels like a sever case of “What condition?” and isn´t it great you can pop off heads like flowers now? Also still liking that other theory why Tabs took a step back better. * OSWALD COBBLEPOT looked so soft and worried the whole episode. And so oddly gentle, except that moment where he´s spilling out the I´m gonna be on top script again. I´m not yet quite sure what to make of this plot wise, but I´m sure gonna look at some gifs for a long while because damn pretty. * So when will someone tell VICTOR ZSASZ that Oswald didn´t do the thing he thought he did? * “And you? Did you know he was going after Jerome?” “Indeed, I did, yes.” Oh, Alfred, Oh Jim .. * I miss Bridgit´s and Jonathan´s old personalities

[heaven-delight]

[New Years Special ①] ‘Wise Entertainment Life’ ‘24 Q&As’ with 24-Year Old Red Velvet Seulgi

[Sports Seoul Lee Ji-Seok] The ‘Year of the Dog’ Star Red Velvet Seulgi has a soft charm. Rather than catching the eyes of people with a glamorous appearance, Seulgi has a kaleidoscopic charm and gets even more charming the more you look at her. Her body figure and proportions are claimed to be the best out of all female idols. Also, her singing and dancing skills, which have been honed for seven years at the mega-agency, SM Entertainment, is simply the best. Although her members call her ‘no fun,’ when she stars on variety shows, she does whatever it takes to get enough screentime.

Seulgi, who was born in February 1994, is 24 years old this year. Because this year is the ‘golden year of the dog,’ she is excited more than anybody for this upcoming year. We asked 24 questionsㅡthe same number as her ageㅡto Seulgi, and Seulgi, in a serious tone with no signs of mischievousness, answered 24 times. The interview was held in the SM headquarters in Cheongdam-dong, early December.

1. During 2017, your group, Red Velvet got lots of love.

Seulgi: During 2017, Red Velvet released three albums and received lots of love. I think we grew greatly as a team. The image that people think of when hearing ‘Red Velvet’ has solidified. While musically we tried to take on the ‘Red’ conceptㅡthe lively conceptㅡand the ‘Velvet’ conceptㅡthe alluring and soft conceptㅡin turn, we tried to be perfect in every aspect. We’ll continue to grow during 2018 too.

2. Seulgi, what do you personally think suits you more? The lively ‘Red’ concept or the alluring and soft ‘Velvet’ concept?

This was hard to choose, but I think I can show more of myself in the ‘Velvet’ concept. I like the ‘Velvet’ concept and the musical style of that concept a little bit more, personally.

With the soft and alluring ‘Velvet’ concept, such as ‘Peek-A-Boo’ and ‘Automatic,’ I can show off my charms comfortably. Unlike my real personality, I like showing off my chicness on stage. I have a hard time showing off fresh and pretty things. I think I need to work more on that. I get to do all of these because I work hard and I try new things.

3. What’s the happiest thing that has happened to you in 2017?

I’m so glad that the Red Velvet fan club got a name. I’ve been waiting for this a long time. If in the award ceremonies before, I had to call them ‘our fans,’ now I can call them as ‘reveluv.’ The name and the fans are all so special to me. It meant a lot to me that Red Velvet got to hold a concert with the ‘reveluvs.’

4. What year do want 2018 to be for Red Velvet?

This is what I’ve been dreaming of ever since we debuted, but I hope that we’ll be able to become a team that will be able to take on many different genres. With our second full album ‘Perfect Velvet,’ which we released last November, we tried to widen the genre of music in our discography, and I hope we’ll continue doing so in the future.

5. You were born in February 1994, and 2018 is the year of the dog. Do you feel anything special because it’s the year of your zodiac again?

I heard that 2018 is the ‘golden year of the dog.’ Since it’s been 60 years since the last ‘golden year,’ I hope this year will be more special. I hope everybody, not only me, could be happy this year.

6. You were born on the same day as Apink’s Son Naeun (1994/02/10).

I’m not acquainted with her that well. When I met her at the end-of-the-year awards ceremony way back, I said ‘we’re the same age and we have the same birthday.’ Son Naeun said that she knows that too. We greet each other when we meet, but we haven’t gotten a chance to really talk with each other.

7. Do you have any other best friends that are the same age as you in the entertainment industry?

I’m close with BlackPink’s Jisoo. Of course, my best friend is Wendy.

8. Your eyes look like a cat’s, but some people say that you look like a dog. Which animal do you think looks closer to you?

People used to say that I look a lot like a baby tiger. I also once heard that I look like a mouse. (Laughs) Now, I think it depends on what style of makeup I have. Depending on that, I can look like a cat or a dog.

9. What did you do in the last ‘year of the dog,’ which was 12 years ago?

That was about a year before I started training. Back then, I was a student that liked to dance and sing. During break time, I would stand in front of the giant bathroom mirror and dance. I used to dance a lot to TVXQ’s or Super Junior’s songs. I especially liked TVXQ. At the school talent show, I danced along to TVXQ’s ‘Balloons.’ I had no idea back then that I would end up being in the same agency as them.

10. What do you do when the next ‘year of the dog’ comes in 12 years when you’re 36?

I haven’t specifically thought about what I want to do when I’m 36. I think it’s important to live each day to the fullest because you never know what could happen tomorrow. I don’t know what I’ll be like when I’m 36, but I hope that I would have grown more when that day comes. I think it would be a problem if I’d be the same person I am now when I’m 36. I still have a long way to go in terms of musicality and putting things into action. I have a bit of a lazy personality, and I hope I’ll be able to fix that. I hope my personality will stay the same except for that. I like my easygoing personality.

11. You trained for seven years, starting from 2007, when you were in middle school. Is life after debuting any different from how you’d dreamt it would be during your trainee years?

There are a lot of things I learned after debuting. I’m kind of sad because I think that I would have done better during my trainee years of I had known things such as stage manners, and how to express lyrics better. Things like how to express through dance better are things that you learn after debuting.

12. You’ve been a trainee for seven years. What do you think you would have done if you weren’t able to debut?

I wouldn’t have known what to do. I’ve cried a lot during training because I didn’t know what to do. I haven’t thought of becoming anything other than a singer. If I haven’t become a singer, I would have studied hard at school, but I haven’t thought of becoming anything else or taking any other career paths.

13. Have you experienced any slumps after debuting?

Not as severe as the ones I’ve been through during my trainee years. I’m thankful that I was able to perform on the ‘King of Mask Singers’ on October 2016. I was able to gain a lot of strength through that show. Before that, I was always sad when I had to talk about my trainee years, and the hardships that I went through during those times made me tear up. After the ‘King of Mask Singers,’ I don’t cry anymore. It was nice to hear ‘you’re good’ rather than ‘you’ll do well.’ I got more confident in expressing something on stage and I started to have more fun performing on stage.

14. Are there any times when you think that becoming a singer was a good idea?

I don’t know if I would have been able to have so much fun doing something else. I’m so glad that I’m able to do something I enjoy. Because a lot of people recognize me when I perform something on stage, I get motivated to do even better. The fact that my fans know how much I work hard gives me strength. When I go to fan-signs or get fan letters, I also think that becoming a singer was a good idea.

15. What do your other normal 24-year-old friends worry about these days?

They worry a lot about getting a job. I have some friends who even got rid of their cell phones to focus on studying. I was lucky enough to find what I want to do early in life and debut. I feel like I should work hard because of that.

16. I think the hardships for a celebrity and the hardships for a normal person would be different.

Everybody goes through their own hardships. Although I don’t have much privacy compared to my normal friends, that’s something that I have to endure. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Rather, I’m thankful for it.

17. Your hair color changes often. When you debuted, it was orange, then dark during ‘Be Natural,’ blonde during ‘Ice Cream Cake,’ brown for ‘Dumb Dumb’ and orange again for ‘Russian Roulette.’ What’s the color that describes the 24-year-old Seulgi?

I like orange. I tried that color when I debuted because SM recommended it to me. I think it has a lot of meaning. At first, I thought that orange wouldn’t work on me. Back then, I had a lot of achromatic clothes, such as black, gray and white, and I didn’t like bright clothes. But, after trying on a bright color, I found myself trying to suit the color more. I think I was able to find a new charm hidden inside me by trying to express something bright. I’m happy because I’m more colorful than before.

The color that I originally have is a toned down color. I like wine colors more than red, beige more than pink, grey rather than black.

18. In a past interview, you said that if you get hooked on to one menu, you only eat that for a long time. During your trainee years, you said you were hooked on soft tofu stew, hot pot bulgogi and scones. Are you hooked on to anything these days?

I don’t eat scones a lot these days. (Laughs) During some part of my trainee years, I only ate soft tofu stew, and around the time when I was done with the trainee life, I only ate hot pot bulgogi. These days, I’m into hot soup. I like eating rice with soup. Nowadays, I’m into radish soup and dried radish leaves soup.

I’m not hooked on to a certain food for a long time, but I only eat what I like. I only go to the restaurants that I’m used to going to, so I’m not that good at finding new yummy restaurants. When it comes to choosing clothes or food, I have a strong preference when it comes to those. So, I only choose what I like. I have a strong habit that I have to get the items that I like or do those things that I like.

19. You have a lot of nicknames, such as ‘Gap God Gap King (meaning that she has a huge difference when she’s on stage and off stage)’ and ‘No Fun.’ What’s your favorite nickname?

I like ‘Gap God Gap King.’ It means a lot for me to be given that nickname. I’m thankful that there are a lot of people who think that I’m cool onstage, even though I’m a dummy with no charisma off stage. 

I can’t say no to being ‘No Fun’ though. I’m not a fun person. Rather, I’m a serious person. I’m not the kind of person who makes jokes while talking. I don’t think that I have to make people laugh and I don’t have the skills to do that. So, whenever people call me ‘No Fun’ on the variety shows, I don’t know what to say, because it’s true. And then I lose confidence. I lose confidence because I think that I’m a ‘No Fun’ person so I should just stay put. (Laughs)

20. Do you have any special tips when it comes to keeping your body in shape?

To be honest, I don’t go on diets. When I think that I should go on a diet, I start eating more. Ever since I was young, I liked eating rice more rather than eating noodles or bread, so I try not to overeat. But, when the promotions start, I don’t have a lot of time to eat, so I lose weight naturally. I think I lose appetite because when I eat before going on stage, I feel stuffy and I feel like I wouldn’t be able to perform onstage well because of that.

21. Out of all the SM female artists, you’re the only one that has a single eyelid. Also, out of all the members, you’re the only person that uses your real name as a stage name.

I’ve never thought much about having a single eyelid, but once people started to say that there’s a celebrity in SM Entertainment with a single eyelid, I start to think more about it too, like ‘how did I get into SM?’ I like the way I am. I want to be prettier, but there are a lot of people who like the way I am right now. It’s all a matter of preference. I wish that my eyes could be a bit bigger, but that can’t be fixed with surgery. I think the charms of a single eyelid is that it can look different based on the makeup style. I don’t want to fix it.

I’m grateful that I’m able to use my name ‘Seulgi’ just the way it is. I don’t think any other name would have suited me.

22. What is your dream type, and thoughts of an ‘open relationship?’

I like people that I can talk with easily, and people that I feel happy being around. Having a relationship isn’t bad, but having an open one can hurt the fans, so I’m cautious about it.

23. Do you have any dreams of becoming a solo artist or an actress?

If I get the chance to be a solo singer, I would work hard, but for now, I want to focus on Red Velvet. I like the way the members’ voices harmonize. I wish I would be able to release a lot of albums as a member of Red Velvet. I do want to try acting, but I’m not good at it yet, and I think now is not the time to pursue that. I’ll try everything one by one when the time comes.

24. What are your goals for 2018?

I wasn’t able to keep the goals that I’d set for 2017. I wanted to become more fluent in Japanese and learn English, but I wasn’t able to. I hope that I’ll be able to become a person who’ll be able to seriously put her thoughts into action. I have to work hard because I have a long way to go. For now, I’m thinking about learning a different genre of dance in 2018.

As a member of Red Velvet, I want to hold lots of concerts. We had our first concert on 2017, and next year we want to hold concerts in places other than Seoul and overseas and interact with lots of fans.

[clumsyclifford]

that is very reassuring to know thank you i just wouldn't want to say anything that's disrespectful in any way 🙊 oh yeah you said you were having "a Night" and the capitalisation left me worried but i'm glad you had so much support and feel better now 💕 thank you so much my love 💖 (1/2)

(2/2) it really is such a good playlist and not only for calming down but also as casual background music i think so really a 10/10 playlist 🙈 & oh nah that's fine i didn't mind it bc i love the 1975 in general but the vibes truly weren't the best fit. ooh okay these look great.. now i want cookies. and that's so sweet of your sister i would've cried too 😅 -fiancee

well unless you come in here saying fuck jews i don’t think you’re in danger of doing that HKDSJKGMFLKHJ no worries babe you are all good

GKDSMGJKKJGKFKGJ good interpretation! i was, in fact, having a Night but yeah everything is fine now i am pretty fortunate to have good friends so <3 that’s nice

!!!!! im really so happy you like it so much i have to agree tbh like it just has SUCH nice calming vibes truly my magnum opus in terms of playlists i think. it’s between that and the lie to me russian roulette im pretty sure JDFKMGSLFKJ

yes they are so tasty i love my sister very much <3