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hyenahunt · 6 months

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Obbligato: The Devotion to Tatsumi Kazehaya - 12

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring, three years ago

Characters: Kaname, Tatsumi, Jun

Proofreading: Remi + 310mc (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace & hyenahunt

Kaname: I hate the thought of living as part of someone else's identity, of not being recognized as my own person, so much that it makes my skin crawl to think of it.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Kaname: ... I don't understand.

Tatsumi: Which part? I realize that this has been something of a roundabout explanation, but essentially these Catacombs act as my group's base of operations.

You could say it’s no different than an office.

We only gather in such a suspicious space because there is no other place we can come together. In truth, I don't believe we're doing anything particularly immoral at all.

Relatedly, whenever I try to gather elsewhere, I'm chased off by the other Special Students who claim I'm quite the eyesore.

They've even called the teachers and security on me before.

It seems that they don't like that "our company" is able to procure work, though that's only natural.

Tatsumi: However, because of that, they've been doing what they can to hinder us from obtaining any more. It's rather problematic. I've tried to appeal to them time and time again, asking why they don't simply join us.

They say there's strength in numbers, after all. If all those splendid Special Students who've already made their debut would join us, then they would shine even brighter than before.

Kaname: ... I still don't understand. How is it that those who aren't Special Students, your employees as you call them in this metaphor, are so happy to work under you?

No matter how diligent they may be in their own work, it only ends up being under your name, right?

Tatsumi: Yes, and I do find that quite unfortunate myself... To that end, I do try and introduce those involved with the work to staff and fans whenever possible.

Naturally, these things haven't been in vain, as it's turned out that there are some Non-Special Students who've been able to secure independent work of their own lately.

And in such cases, I am always there to lend a helping hand in whatever way I am able to.

We're all part of the same group, so we must support one another.

Kaname: But only a handful of them manage it, correct? The industry as a whole is going through a recession, and the overall number of jobs within it is steadily decreasing anyways—

Compared to the work secured as a whole within this “Leviathan” of a group, as Tatsumi Kazehaya, anything you received individually would have little reward or honor to it.

Tatsumi: Yes, that's true... I wonder if that's frustrating for them, since they seem to return with the intention of working as a group instead of independently.

However, I'd like them to continue working independently. By doing so, it's like allowing those who aren't Special Students to debut without Reimei Academy's permission.

As a result, the teachers don't look kindly on us...

Our clients, as well as the other Non-Special Students, have decided against working alone or being allowed to do so, possibly due to awareness of the situation.

Kaname: Even so, they've set their sights on being idols, haven't they? Anyone who wants to become an idol should want to be recognized as their own self.

To be loved as who they are, not as some— some part of Tatsumi Kazehaya.

At the very least, that's how I feel. I want to be loved for who I am.

Kaname: I hate the thought of living as part of someone else's identity, of not being recognized as my own person, so much that it makes my skin crawl to think of it.

Or am I the odd one for thinking that way?

Tatsumi: I'm not sure... I don't particularly have a strong sense of self either, after all.

Jun: Mmm... If I were to pick a side, I'd have to agree with HiMERU here~ Why's this gang of Non-Specials so perfectly content with their current situation?

Tatsumi: I'm not sure what to say to that—rather, I'd like to know their reasons as well.

Jun: As I thought, this group just doesn't sit right with me, personally. I can't wrap my head around it... It disgusts me, really.

Tatsumi: I believe that's going a little too far, Jun-san. No one has the right to deny any other person of something they wish to do.

Jun: I wouldn't go so far as to deny 'em, but I just don't want anything to do with these Catacombs.

Even if it means going unrewarded and trampled all over, I'd pick that any day over not being able to be myself.

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#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #hyenahunttl #tatsumi kazehaya #kaname tojo #jun sazanami #s: obbligato

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flandrepudding · 1 year

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doll collection post

Hi guyz!! so somebody asked me to post my doll collection a while back and I put it off because i'm trying to rearrange my setup but its taking much longer than expected due to irl stuff.

But I dont wanna wait anymore! Feel free to just scroll through the pictures, you don't have to read the commentary if you don't want to. In fact you don't have to scroll through any of this at all. I wrote a lot because I am severely neurodivergent. Having a genuine blogging moment rn.

I have been waiting forever for an excuse to post my collection!! I was so happy someone suggested I do so.

I don't have a lot of room for everybody! Everyone is scattered around my room, but I try my best to display them nicely...

My G1 collection is moderately sized, these dolls are expensive and difficult to find. There are so many more I want, like Dead Tired Lagoona or Sweet 1600 Draculaura to go with my Sweet 1600 Clawdeen...sigh. But it just keeps getting harder! I am actually content with stopping my G1 collecting hunt for now and instead focusing on G3... Many of these dolls are from my dear friends, especially Leo and Raven (hi guyz!). Without my friends, I would only have three of these dolls... I am so lucky to be so loved!!!

I don't have many bratz that are in good enough shape to be on display. I really grew up on bratz rather than monster high... but again...these dolls get expensive! Roxxi was always a favorite of mine and a crush! Growing up, I was the type of kid who almost exclusively wanted one brat though. Yasmin. Not Cloe, Jade, or Sasha. I was devoted to collecting Yasmin because she looked similar to me. In retrospect, I really wish I had gotten more of the other girls...I do have some...though their numbers pale in comparison to the Yasmin army.

The ball-jointed doll is my most expensive doll and my largest doll (she is fucking ginormous). Even when buying her at half the original price (great deal from a great friend) she was hardly affordable.

I bought her because I plan on customizing her to be Flandre Scarlet, my ultimate comfort character! I've always dreamed of having a doll of Flan. SO why not make one myself? I've had her for months but am still too scared to cut that beautiful hair off...I'm no good at cutting wigs/hair in general. I did install her red eyes myself which I've never done before as this is my first and probably last bjd! She is gorgeous but I would consider these dolls luxury items... VERY EXPENSIVE.

(idk why the exposure is so high on these, sorry!! >_<;)

I am so happy to have the coffin bean playset!! I think it was a really good idea to get it. but I am so sad because I have hardly any room for it! So It's sitting on my dresser in front of a giant mirror so please excuse the poor editing I did to obscure the reflection of me and my living space lol...

I gave my Twyla low pigtails, though they aren't very visible, and my Clawdeen braids! I think Clawdeen looks super cute this way tbh I tried curling her hair again and again and again but the curls always fell out (I dont have much experience)...but honestly... I think I like this look even better ^_^. You can see her ears so well this way.

This Clawdeen is basically my holy grail and it was gifted to me by Leo, Leo if you're reading this I hope you know you are basically Jesus.

not to get deep but the OMG doll next to her is special to me because it is one of the last gifts I got from my late Grandpa. He took me to target and when I said I liked the doll, no questions asked, he bought her for me. Didn't give me shit for liking dolls at my big age. He simply got her for me because she made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Dolls can mean so much. Again, I am so lucky to be so loved!!! >:D

I have this gorgeous Draculaura just chilling next to my jewelry cuz I have nowhere else to put her and honestly she is gorgeous and should stand alone.

Here I have the pride Bratz next to my bed!!! They mean so much to me, as I said earlier I had a crush on Roxxi. To see she's a canon lesbian now is so incredible!! And Nevra, her girlfriend, is beautiful! They are so cute together... they are never leaving that box though. This was actually the first doll/set of dolls where I fully understood why people are content leaving dolls in their boxes. I love to play with my dolls so much... but I could never play with these two!! If anything happened to them I would lose my mind.

Now... you're probably thinking......where the hell is Lagoona?!?! Do you not have one despite loving her this much? Of course I have a Lagoona. I AM GROWING AN ARMY!!!!!!

I really, really love Lagoona...I want to get every Lagoona doll I possibly can. Isn't she so cute! I relate to her character in the cartoon a lot too... her life at home, her difficulties speaking up when she is sad or angry, her sporty personality, etc etc... She has quickly claimed her spot as biggest comfort character #2. I included many pictures because I simply cannot pick one, she is flawless. You might recognize the Lagoona on the left, I drew her in that exact pose recently!!

I have her army on my desk, giving me the strength I need to get through my work... like Homer Simpson with his pictures of baby Maggie at his work. I get endless inspiration and motivation from Lagoona!!!

And here is the Flandre shrine bonus... I adore her!! I also have finally ordered a fumo flan that should arrive in august around my birthday eeek!!!

Anyways that is my collection. It's been many years in the making, though it's almost doubled since monster high G3 released... Mattel truly has me by the balls right now. If you read any of this, thank you. I put a lot of time into making this post, and it was really fun. I feel like a real blogger right now.

I really really enjoy dolls and talking about them. So I will happily do so anytime I get the chance!!! Will probably do an update once I finally install some more shelves and move stuff around <3

#blair.txt #doll collection #doll collector #Blair.circus

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askultimatedirk · 1 year

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if not heart, what other aspect would you like to have been assigned

Really making me crack open a few textbooks, aren't you? Buckle the fuckle up, chucklefucks, this one's going to be a dissertation. I'll even be so kind as to split it off so as not to disturb your precious tumblr feed.

First of all, let's get something out of the way. I'm answering this question more in the context of what I think would fit me, not what I think would be the most useful or conducive to the grand scheme. If I were going with that idea, the answer would be Space, full stop. That's a rather undramatic and not very interesting answer, though, so instead I'm taking the initiative as usual to do what I want to do.

The first step is to eliminate some obvious choices. While Void matches my creativity and skepticism, most of it completely undermines my lust to know literally everything at all times. Life would imply that I am anything but destructive to other people, intentionally or not. Hope is laughable. I've given some thought to Blood and Breath, the prophet and the protagonist, but neither holds much weight when the rest of the aspect is considered. I'm sure a case could be made for each of these, but I will not be doing so.

Rage would be among those immediately discarded, except for the fact that inherently, the core of the aspect is destruction. While I have devoted myself now to the prospect of creation and new life, it's not a forgotten fact that destruction runs in my veins as a Prince. I would implore that you simply imagine an Ultimate Prince of Rage. Kurloz could never. However, I eventually settled on this being an impossibility due to the connection Rage shares with madness, because fuck knows I would never get anywhere if my head was full of stupid clown shit.

Another that I likely would have discarded is Light, though it holds more weight than Rage. It's the opposite of Void, the hunger of knowing all and seeing all, to understand the very fabric of the universe. Of course, a Seer of Light would be an extremely handy player to have in their Ultimate form. This ended up not going further after some speculation and pontification, mostly because Light players are heavily associated with water and absolutely fuck the ocean.

I'm sure you expected Doom to be on this list, and it is. Fate's chosen sufferers and all that. A Prince would turn this notion inside out, the essence of self-destruction and fatalistic overwhelming. It's funny, really, the fact that I could just as easily been assigned as a Doom player if one were needed. Sacrifice and judgement are also two words reminiscent of myself, of course. In actuality, though, I don't have the social skills or empathy to stick it out as a Doom player. It wouldn't come off right.

I've already mentioned Space, of course, so let me get a little further into that. Without defaulting to the obvious point of Space players pulling the strings for extremely long periods of time without needing to make this information known, I find the power and responsibility to be something that not only would I be able to handle, but I would most likely be given in any session spawning a Space player. It's all about delayed gratification and understanding that while the little things may not be important to others, and they may not even be important now, they will absolutely be important later and should go correctly the first time. Unfortunately, Space players have a strong connection with life and I don't see that fitting in with me, or a Prince at all for that matter.

So now we get down to my two choices - surprise, I won't be making a concrete decision between these two.

Let's go with the obvious first, Mind. While it might seem counterintuitive to even consider the counterpart of my current aspect, given that each pair are generally complete opposites, I've come to the conclusion that Mind is something I've already quite often affiliated myself with. It may speak to my nature that I have done my best to conquer the shortcomings that being a Heart player naturally gifted me with, but I am a planner, a thinker, and a decision maker. Logic is core to my person. The only reason I'm not entirely certain about this one is because of the sense of justice that Terezi has bled all over the understanding of the aspect itself, but that's not concrete and may in fact not be an issue.

Lastly, of course we have to consider Time. I respect Dave, but if I were to borrow his aspect, I don't doubt for a second I wouldn't give it back. While I believe Space powers are more helpful for what I'm currently looking to do, Time powers would be my personal choice. It's true that time-hopping takes a toll and briefly causes chaos, but with the proper setup and someone who actually understands the fabric of time from the get-go, it's extremely powerful. Not only that, but the aspect itself suits me as well. Goal-focused and a problem-solver, struggling because everything needs to be just the way I want it to be. The issue is again the empathy, but that's not a core part of being a Time player.

So to conclude, I think either Mind or Time would fit me quite well. Not as well as Heart, of course, which is why I believe I'll stick with that, but this hypothetical scenario was fun and interesting to write a little essay for. Have fun analyzing it.

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #homestuck 2 #homestuck art #homestuck fanart #dirk strider #ultimate dirk #ult dirk #asks open

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macksting · 7 months

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I'm gonna try to find other places my favorite people here are, that are not X or Tumblr. I'm gonna try to retain my contacts here. But I'm leaving again. I don't feel a need to get myself banned to make some point, and it looks like that's easy to do for now. He wants us off this site? Fine, I'll go. There's better places to be anyway.

But before I go.

I apologize in advance to any Christians who feel unfairly hurt by what I'm about to say, but: I don't hate Christianity, but I hate being unable to escape it anywhere I go. In the same way that a Christian atheist may still have a rabid hatred of Muslims, I find Christian and ex-Christian trans women still want our suffering to be holy, to be martyrs. Mostly they don't go running into the mouth of hell to suffer, if nothing else because that'd hurt and most of them aren't that devoted to this mindset; and some of us fly too close to the sun not out of masochistic death cultism but out of just being at heart a bunch of pains in the ass, so I ain't talking about that either. I'm talking about needing to be seen as suffering, as more suffering than others, as a kind of social oneupsmanship. And it's not better to do so in some kind of communion or solidarity or whatever, it's still ridiculous no matter how you do it.

We should be learning about the means of each other's oppressions, to better understand our own, not turning it into a fucking pissing contest.

And I cannot escape these mindsets. I see these baffling crab-bucket behaviors in these shitty online spaces that I almost never see in real life, with real world groups and people, because... iunno, maybe because I live in the PNW and a lot of folks didn't grow up being told that suffering is the highest form of virtue and therefore that if you are not suffering enough then you are not virtuous enough, and since real suffering sucks, it's best to just make people accept that the level of suffering you're going through, which is bad, is superior and unique and untouchably awful.

My friend Michael says it's also kind of a white thing. By creating a hierarchy of who is most oppressed and placing yourself on top, you can make yourself feel immune to criticism, and apparently this is just something a lot of white folks feel they need. Myself, iunno, I'm white too, I hope I don't do that, but I suspect my particular brand of OCD means my anxieties in that regard can't be alleviated without significant therapy and medication, which is not better but it does seem to make me a little less likely to try to put myself on top of hierarchies out of sheer terror of myself.

I seriously cannot escape this shit. I dunno how much I've got to go dismantling my own bullshit, but at least I wasn't raised Christian. It must be so exhausting. If you see me posting something positive that's happening, believe me, it's not intended as toxic positivity. It's intended as a radical statement that a better world is possible. It's radically asserting that life is not pain, and that our pain has causes that can be dealt with. And I dearly do hope it pisses someone off to see someone living their best life in spite of the horrors. A car outside our homeless shelter says, "Birds sing after the storm, so shall we," along with countless Christian statements scrawled all over it, and I am not waiting for some storm to pass. It won't pass in my lifetime. I'm singing now. And some of those songs are happy, and some of those songs are angry, and some are both.

If all you want is the aesthetics of suffering or the aesthetics of social justice, fuck off. I don't need more Christendom. I'm trapped in this place, and I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like Shrek yelling at Donkey, "can you please stop being yourself for five minutes!"

#rant #christianity #christian atheists #transness #iunno whatever there's a lotta good people here but i'm taking off for now

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verdantflamingo · 6 months

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Sasha - the heart of the trio

Hello everyone who is ready to read this, I would like to leave here some of my thoughts regarding the animated series Amphibia (2019). Please note, I am writing this after watching the episode: Barrel's Warhammer (2x34?, in Czech it is probably numbered differently, they published it as two connected chapters, so I don't know…), well anyway, in conclusion, I haven't seen the whole thing yet, so all my non-watching theorizing will be based on just the chapters up to this episode.

The main idea I want to break down now is the Calamity Gems and their "masters" in this case the mistresses. Probably none of us will dispute that the green stone - (Wit) rightfully belongs to Marcy.

She is very smart, inquisitive, determined to get to the bottom of everything, so much so that sometimes she overlooks everything that stands in her way… Which we learn from her already in the first introduction… Yes, she is without a doubt the pillar of intelligence of our trio.

But how did she get her stone? Did she solve all the mysteries of the temple, trick him, outsmart him? No. She had to suppress her ego, her desire to be the smartest, she had to show humility. She had to stop walking over corpses as was her usual habit. The idea that the more one knows, the less one actually knows, is somewhat carried over here. Which is great. Yes, it wasn't exactly the smartest way the director show it, but the idea is there. The whole series kind of doesn't have a very good storytelling ability, you have to guess the points, what the authors wanted to say… But about that another time.

We have two stones left, and in the following sentences I will try to explain why, in my opinion, it would be better if our heroines exchanged them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second stone that our group charged is a blue stone: Heart. Anne wins him over for her empathy, devotion to others, and for the newly charged responsibility that she only learned with the Plantars.

And in a way it makes sense. Anna was very irresponsible when she first came to Amphibia. In some moments she was really terrible to the point that I was surprised that they actually chose such a character as the central one.

I'll allow myself a small remark outside: Actually, we meet Sprigg first, he is actually introduced as the main character, which makes sense, because he is the more morally mature and more typically main character than Anne…

Anyway, I'm not saying that learning responsibility isn't beneficial for Anne. If it was just these two, then I have nothing against Anne as a heart at all.

But there aren't just two.

Sasha has by far the best performance of the character in the entire series. She is mysterious. From Anna's flashback, we learn that she is manipulative, rude, and hates being contradicted. But we also learn that she fiercely protects her friends and that she knows how to deal with people and frogs, and that she is a true leader, just for now not exactly best one.

She takes a leadership role in their group of friends and I'm curious to learn more about why she is the way she is and why these three became friends. At first glance, they are really quite different…

Well, for many reasons, even though I'm not there yet it's clear that Sasha will charge the last pink stone, acording to wiki the red stone: Strength.

Well, no doubt, Sasha is strong. And persistent. There is no doubt about it.

So why don't I think she should be the wielder of the power stone?

Because it has no meaning to her. From my point of view so far, there are no really challenge for her to get the stone. Sasha has held both pillars of the rock since the beginning.

Yes, this might be the moment when I should first finish watching the entire series and then quack, but… Yeah, I don't know what she'll have to put herself through to showcase those qualities, but while the other two lacked the other stone qualities to begin with, Sasha really had both, so whatever she has to overcome, it won't be in the same vein as Marcy and Anne.

On the other hand, Sasha sure has a heart. She loves her friends very much, their loss certainly destroys her, and she quickly established a relationship with Grim. And she definitely LACKS RESPONSIBILITY. Both in her behavior towards those around her, and mainly towards her two friends.

And Anne is undoubtedly physically strong and definitely, beyond all doubt she LACKS PERSISTENCE in many ways. I'll elaborate on that.

I'll start with Anne. In the very first chapters we understand that he lives in Sasha's shadow. That he submits to her in many ways and doesn't stand up for his opinion. She lacks the strength to stand up for herself.

But at the end of the first season, he is able to stand up for himself and others and defeat Sasha. So, apart from physical strength, she also learned mental strength, which is very important.

As for her persistence. Yes, there are activities in which Anne shows tremendous persistence, such as fighting someone, protecting her friends, not giving up, etc. But at the same time, she's lazy, she has trouble staying focused, and I think that's getting better over time. So if the final task involved something like that, that would be cool and I think it would work. Also, it makes more sense to find wit and strength first than heart, it's like they skipped something…

I'll also just mention the physical strength base of both girls. We know about Anna that she plays tennis, which is a solo game by the way, just to mention, and she took regular martial arts. She is a very athletic girl. On the other hand, Sasha draws on her years as a cheerleader, which is a very physically straining activity, but it is definitely not a traditional combat activity. Plus, it's mostly team-based, and it's also about cheering and supporting…

I think it would make more sense with Anna if the strength was especially in the sense of inner strength, but mostly I think Sasha would be a better heart.

And finally, a poll: I'm curious how many people have the same opinion and how many people will send me to the shack with my theory.

#Disney #Amphibia #Amphibia theory #Calamity trio #Sasha Waybright #Anne Boonchuy #Marcy Wu #long post #gifs #verdant flamingo theories #tumblr polls #fandom polls

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fandomfluffandfuck · 8 months

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Hi S,

I was scrolling through Tiktok and I saw a video of Chris Evans and president Joe Biden. And Chris was smiling and laughing. When I tell you I was shooketh! I know Chris was into politics, but damn! How did this even happen?

Also now my hate for USA politics will show, cuz why are the presidents almost always grandpas? I know it’s the system, but why? We’ll at least he isn’t shaking hands with Trump.

Do you know what happened. I think you are from the USA (I’m not sure), so maybe you got some information.

Thank you!! <3

(I also loved the post with Seb on the Syrian)

ah, yes, this video for ASP

Lmao, it's all good, you're welcome to hate on US politics here 💀💀 I may unfortunately be from the USA, but I, too, hate them.

(Putting this under the cut because I get rambly, and I understand that most people aren't here for politics)

I absolutely feel you, though. I was shocked to see Chris and Biden shaking hands. Of course, Chris was at the White House, so it's not impossible, that is where the POTUS is most of the time, and I believe Chris has been to the White House before. I could be wrong there, but, if nothing else, he's certainly been in and around Washington D.C. before with A Starting Point.

(A Starting Point being, according to Wikipedia, "A Starting Point is a website, launched in 2020, devoted to presenting videos by elected officials (current or former), presenting various points of view on issues that are of interest to the United States electorate. It was started by Chris Evans, Mark Kassen, and Joe Kiani.")

So, ASP is how, even if I didn't realize that many people used ASP, lol. I am very involved in politics outside of the fandom space--generally reading and watching and educating myself, as well as attending political events on my campus and speaking to my friends about it--but my involvement doesn't come from ASP.

But, still, the president and Chris meeting, shaking hands, smiling, and laughing feels different. It's a cross-over in a way I would, honestly, rather have not happened.

Don't get me wrong, the purpose Chris was there for, with ASP, trying to get more young people engaged in voting is immensely important. Young people in the US are more likely than any other demographic to vote blue (democratic), and that is something that, with another Trump presidency (GOP/republican) on the possible horizon, is especially important. However, I wish he could've done it without shaking hands with the president. Yes, Biden is a figure head, he doesn't do much (generally and specifically at his age, sitting in the presidency). But, also, with the genocide of Palestinians going on and Biden's active, ongoing support to Israel... I don't enjoy seeing them together.

As far as age... yeah. It's the system. 🙃 If you ask me, the minimum age for being able to run for public office should be lowered (it's 35 at least for president, though, the youngest president was 42, the average age is around mid 50s at inauguration), and there should be a cap on how old you can be and still run as modern medicine continues to prolong life and technology and education provide young people with more resources.

I will admit, growing up in the US, I have absolutely been indoctrinated to see the president and feel something. When I first saw that video my reaction was just, what the fuck!? in a lighthearted, laughing manner. A cross-over, like I said previously, they don't feel like they exist in the same world, y'know? But once I thought about it for half a second longer... it felt different.

Chris can do what he likes. Obviously. I do wonder how it happened, though. Maybe it was something he was approached with by the team for ASP, like, hey, wanna meet the president? Maybe it was something that activated the same indoctrinated kid in him--they teach you young to idolize presidents, past and present--so he said yes, thoughtless. Maybe it was something he thought about and weighed the options of, thinking it would help the cause of getting young people to vote even if it would also, inevitably make people on the Internet mad (maybe rightfully so, too, shaking hands with someone with blood on their hands. As presidents do. Biden's blood is fresh enough it's dripping, though). You can't deny that it made news--Captain America and President Biden shake hands!!! That might give a spark to some younger Marvel fan, tuning in to see what's going on with politics when they otherwise wouldn't. Maybe it was something White House staff and the team for ASP worked on together and surprised Chris.

I don't know.

It's odd. You are correct, though--at least it wasn't Trump (1:26).

If anything, though, it reminds me of the 2016 USO tour Chris and Scarlett went on for Marvel. Like, I appreciate what they did for the individual active service members as people. I think we need to do more to support veterans alongside people who are directly impacted by war--their lives destroyed or altered. However, I am very anti-military, anti-war. So, I don't like that he agreed to do that (granted, it may have been required from Marvel, not something that he could get out of, that's unclear). And I sure as hell hate some of the things he did on that USO tour. Still. My differing opinions on Chris can coexist. I can like what I know of Chris, what he shares of himself, and dislike other parts of him or actions he does. Humans are flawed. I may run a fan blog, and may seem like a stan, but I can also disagree with things people that I am a fan of agree with.

Lmao, thanks! The out-out-place reference to Sebastian on a sybian is related to this, lightening the mood

#asks #chris evans #us politics #asp

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ourimpavidheroine · 1 year

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is there a reason why comments are moderated on your fic? it's ok i was just wondering.

Ah. Well, very long story short, I had an extremely devoted troll who spent about three years of their life off and on harassing me through my Asks here as well as in the comments section of my fic on AO3 and I had to put some protections in place.

That being said! My feeling on it is that my blog and my fic are places for me to express myself. They are not soundboards for anyone else to spew hatred or ignorance across. I am under no obligation to provide people that service, and therefore I do not.

I have gotten a fair amount of shitty, mean and defamatory Asks over the years, and at first I published them and rebutted them but then I realized, why the fuck am I doing that? Why am I turning my blog into someone else's free shitting ground? I don't need to do that. They can post on their own blog if they want somewhere to shit out their opinions. After all, Tumblr allows me to close down Asks entirely or limit them to non-anon or just delete the ones I don't like when they come in. I am the person who controls what is on my blog, not some stranger who has a really extended (and some might say slightly alarming, mental health-wise) beef with me because I didn't agree with their fan interpretation of Lin Beifong. You know? Not that all of my shitty Asks are down to that one troll - I get others, and that includes spam/scams or anon people trying to convince me that so-and-so that I have reblogged is a terrible person for vague and personal reasons* and even my favorites, the ones where people take me to task for something I've posted, saying how disappointed they are that I believe that kind of thing and that they are no longer going to follow me when a)it's pretty obvious by what they've said that they don't actually follow me and b)my follower count stays the same.

My comments on AO3 are the same. AO3 grants writers the power to shut down comments entirely, or moderate them before posting, or limit them to people who are logged into their AO3 account. I don't need to include negative comments, whether they are derogatory or not. Some have been very derogatory, especially when it comes to the sexuality and/or gender of characters. I'm not allowing that shit on my fic. You don't get to use my fic in order to promote your homophobic and TERF bullshit, the end. Nor am I giving you free rein to tell me why my fic is wrong. Don't like it? Don't read it, I'm not changing it for anybody, but especially not for some anon telling me I should. I've had a whole range of comments, from people telling me they aren't reading any longer because of Qi (ah, nothing says passive-aggressive like leaving a pissy little comment telling me my writing was good until I introduced a character and/or plot line you did not personally like, like this was a story you paid me a commission for to write a particular way) to people telling me I am a you-know-what for writing a scene depicting a 21 year old post-canon Ikki having sex because she was a child in the canon show. (Newsflash! Every adult having sex was also an 11 year old in the past! Including your own parents!) Nah. I'm not keeping that stuff. Not for me, and not for anyone else reading it.

So rest assured, if you are civil and considerate in your comments on my fic, I will gladly post them. There was a time there when due to my health issues I wasn't answering every single comment, but I do try to do that now because I feel it's a nice thing to do and because I enjoy engaging with my readers. (Not because I feel obligated. I've already written the fic, which took a lot more time and effort than writing a comment, so I feel we're more than even on that.) And if you don't leave a comment, that's okay too! It's not everybody's thing. (But a kudos would be very much appreciated. Even if you bookmark it.)

*To be clear, I am not talking about someone who says yikes that was a TERF you reblogged from check their blog and I am like NOOOOOO DELETE DELETE but rather someone who is like this person is terrible because I say so but I can't tell you why but just trust me even though I am Anon and won't tell you what is going on, which has happened to me a surprising amount of times actually.

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meissashush · 2 years

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7, 13, 18 for the behind the scenes ask game

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

The writing bit haha. I mean, I'm sure most writers feel the same, but there are days I sit down to write and absolutely nothing comes out. I guess, if I want to be more specific, I'd say the issue I encounter the most when it comes to writing is that I can almost never tell if I can't write on certain day because of needing to push through a block, or if it's because I need to take a break. There's a fine line between the two of them, and I am not good at recognizing the difference.

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Ukefication. I'm a devoted lover of bad-asses. Even in the whumpiest of whumps, I want my characters to have agency and a spine. I feel like there is a very big difference between letting a character be vulnerable and making them into nothing more than a shivering brain-dead trophy.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

(Forcing myself to do this about a published fic lmao)

Goose Step has a scene in it that was not planned, but ended up being one of my favorite I've written.

“You’re seriously gonna do a little dance for His Majesty?”

Nyx lobbed a knife at Lib’s stupid smirk, watching with annoyance as he flickered around it easily. He lazily chucked another three in the general direction of the blue sparks, snorting as one pinged harmlessly off Lib’s knee-pads.

“Not really being given much of a choice,” Nyx said. “You have to practice phasing without the gear at some point.”

Lib glared at him, rubbing at his knee. “Yeah, I will when it’s not you doing the throwing.”

I wanted it to be clear that Nyx was being a bit of a coward, and that meant that someone other than Cor the Immortal would have to tell him so. I figured I would have someone Nyx was much more inclined to trust say it, so that his refusal to listen would stand out more as a product of fear/anxiety rather than based in any unseen past experiences. Naturally, Libertus was the best choice.

We start with my favorite activity for this duo, Libertus and Nyx giving each other shit.

It always kind of annoyed me that, while I know warping is supposed to be one of the harder magic techniques, Libertus didn't seem to be capable of even phasing when most of the other Kingslgaive are shown doing it. So I decided to make Nyx annoyed by it too, which is why Libertus is being given one-on-one training in it.

Lib, of course, uses the opportunity to make fun of Nyx for being spineless. Bit of glass-house move, given the circumstances, but I've never been above throwing stones so neither is Lib.

I absolutely agree with his decision to wear protective gear while practicing with Nyx, though, whose aim is more instinct than is strictly safe for people who spar with him.

“Coward!” Crowe called, dangling lazily from the ropes overhead.

And here's where the scene immediately went of the rails.

Crowe always has a talent for throwing me completely off in my writing (which is why her fic is taking so freaking long). She's a lot of fun to write because of this, but she also has a tendency to run off and world-build on her own. Such as, the Warp Obstacle Course, of which she is currently dangling from. Yes, it also bothered me that we saw almost nothing of her talents in the movie, so she gets to warp too.

“Mind your six!” Nyx yelled back at her, watching as one of the greener Glaives tried to warp up behind her. Anya, he was pretty sure. The rare Nif with a talent for magic.

An OC! Yeah, Anya is actually a glaive you should get used to seeing in my fics, since I consider her to be one of Nyx's more trusted officers. This is early into her training, though, and I made a nod to the Comrades lore here that Nifs aren't typically as skilled with magic.

“You should just hire one of those troupes to do it for you. Less embarrassing for Galahd that way. I’ve seen you dance.” Lib said as he tossed the knives back into the Armiger.

Nyx pulled them out again and readied his aim. “Yeah, keep talking and I’ll make you do it.”

Nyx can't dance. He can do the training sequences just fine, but I don't see him as the kind of guy who can let himself go long enough to feel comfortable making a display of himself. Part of this is because I love to juxtaposition 'grandiose' characters with crippling anxiety, and part of it is because in the movie, he is described by other characters as being a show-off, but he doesn't really do that outside of it being a by-product of him doing what is necessary.

I also loved this little interplay of the armiger here. I have a fairly nuanced idea of how 'my' version of the armiger works, and I love hinting at it in places.

“Or,” Luche said, clapping a hand on Nyx’s shoulder. “You could grow a pair and tell his royal arse to shove it.”

Ah, Luche. Eloquent. A good portion of this whole over-arching AU is to redeem the Traitor Glaives, since I think they're neat.

Nyx held the knife over his shoulder, offering it to Luche, who took it immediately.

“You’re late,” he said as the knife whipped past his ear and towards Lib’s chest.

“Yeah, well, blame yourself for putting me on guard on the other ass-end of this fucking city.”

“Blame yourself for running your mouth in front of Councilor Balneum.”

Luche scoffed, grabbing another knife from Nyx’s hand and pitching it at Lib. “He had it coming.”

I also like to explore the relationship between Nyx and Luche as friends who had grown apart, and how that changes when Drautos isn't purposely driving a wedge between them. I see them as two people who know each other extremely well, but don't always have the same ideals. They do, however, both enjoy throwing knives at Libertus.

Nyx nodded slightly in agreement, sniffing once. “Yeah, he did. Doesn’t change the fact that I had to do something about it, or risk him mouthing off to someone else with more sway.”

I don't think a lot of people caught this detail, despite the fact that I made a point of it in the scene prior, but Nyx is subconsciously using the same behavioural cues that he was examining in Cor. Specifically, this is the 'slight sniff to denote agreement', though Nyx notably also voices his opinion where Cor tends to leave it unspoken.

“Fucking politics.”

Nyx laughed, “Yeah, welcome to the Citadel, Luche. You still want to be my second?”

This is the first time I mention in this series (or any, for that matter) that Luche is Nyx's second in command. I will delve into this more in his planned KGLegends22 piece.

“Shut the fuck up,” Luche sighed, throwing the last knife at Lib and missing by a meter. “Let me take a nap instead of running drills, and we’re even.”

Lib watched the knife clatter off in the other direction, bemused.

Luche is just tired, here. His aim is actually very good.

“How about you go relieve Crowe of her flag and I won’t make you do target practice for an hour to make up for your shit aim?”

Nyx has to balance being a Captain and not being a hardass. He's being a bit soft here, but part of that is to gauge just how sour Luche is, since this is early into their Captain-Second partnership. They already mesh pretty well, but the last thing the Kingsglaive need is interpersonal conflict between their leadership. It's about toeing the line between authority and comraderie.

“Oi, fuck you!” Crowe shouted, now dangling slightly to the left of where she had been earlier and attempting to shove Anya off the course.

“Deal,” Luche laughed before shattering into blue sparks behind him.

One of the parallels I am making in this scene is the connection between Fighting and Play in Galahdian culture. Nyx's training style and leadership is drastically different from Drautos', largely because Nyx is letting his own upbringing inform how he leads. Rather than warp training being traumatic as it is in the movie, they utilize various techniques in team building activities, simultaneously training the magic as they build trust in one another.

I am annoyed at myself for not mentioning that there are other Glaives taking part in this capture the flag game, though. It's not just the five of them in there.

“Still should just tell them off, Hero,” Lib said, sauntering back from retrieving Luche’s stray throw. “Or at the very least have someone else do it. No reason to make a fool of yourself for the royals. You’re not just a random Glaive anymore and they need to remember that.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nyx scoffed. “You’re not the one standing in a room with them every day.”

“Sounds like you need to remember it too, Captain."

Libertus has never exactly been subtle, but that's just as well, since Nyx is being extremely obtuse here. You'd think he'd pick up on it, but nah. Which is a good think for us, since otherwise we wouldn't have gotten Nyx doing a little dance for Cor in the very next scene XD

#ffxv #nyx ulric #libertus ostium #luche lazarus #crowe altius #ask game fill #my stuff #garbria #kingsglaive

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celiaamara · 2 years

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What is Godspousal? Is it real? My journey so far!

Hi everyone! My name is Celia. And I will be a soon to be godspouse to Aphrodite. What is that?

Godspousing is where you basically marry your diety. It's a very rare form of devotion. People who connect with a God in this way are represenative of this God and are meant to be not just spouses but placeholders of the God's themselves. They are not a God nor a messenger of the God, that would be hubrism, but think of them as teachers of others. Godspousing cannot, CANNOT happen with all gods. Certain God's are devoted to their already wife or husband, like Hades, or are virgin goddesses, like Athena, Hestia, or Artemis.

Not all people who claim to be godspouses are Godspouses to God's or Goddesses, what are the signs of this?

One : people who godspouse early into their relationship. It's okay to know if they want a relationship with you if you have history with them in the past or if you have worked with them for a while. For example, I used to worship aphrodite for years before I converted to other religions. I eventually found her again after a long journey and she told me that we are to get married some time in the future if at all. She wants me to work on myself beforehand. Become more stable, etc etc. You have to earn your marriage. Just like with any relationship. You aren't supposed to be one day into being pagan and getting married already. That is indeed a huge red flag, and why it's number one on my list.

Two : if they say they're marriage is perfect, they are either lying about being a godspousal or lying about the very nature of their relationship. I am 24, been living a lot of years, though I'm not that old, one thing I've learned over my near decade of dating (yes I've been dating since fourteen and haven't been single until very recently) is nothing is perfect. You're a liar if you say they are or in denial of the nature of your relationship. As I mentioned above. No matter how happy you look outside, inside cannot be perfect. It can be joyful, peaceful, and full of love while still not being perfect. People aren't what we call "perfectly compatible", and gods and goddesses are no less. Gods and goddesses may know more than humans, may be more evolved than humans, but can be prone to jealously and anger just like any other person. And the same is of course applicable to you. But as a couple, you work through all the fighting, you work through all the negativity, and most of all you and them love each other through it all. It's a huge red flag to see someone say, "We never fight," or "He or she is so perfect." No, with any relationship you should be like, "You're amazing but I am my own person with flaws. Sometimes that causes issues, but at the end of the day, we love each other. And are committed to living this life together as a team."

Three : if they are with a God or Goddess who is a virgin goddess or with someone like Hades who is loyal only to his wife. Self explanatory really.

At the end of the day, I won't judge who think you're with. There's rules to this but hey, if you married Artemis, good on you! We all have different experiences from one another and I will respect how you feel. I won't cast you out or anything like that. All are welcome! All godspouses are. Just keep in mind that this is how I view godspousing.

Now my story:

I knew I loved her as soon as I saw her. I knew she loved me since childhood.

Aphrodite and I have had a complicated history. When I was younger, in high school, around age 15, I worshipped aphrodite after I was drawn to her. I never saw her, so I stopped worshipping her my third year of college. I was Jewish for a bit, then Muslim, then an atheist.

Recently, I had a vision of her that was so beautiful and vulnerable of her it felt amazing. I started worshipping her again learning more about my practice. I soon learned about godspousing and didn't think much of it at first. But then it was mentioned again and I meditated on it.

Aphrodite said to me that we would be godspouses one day in the future, but I need to become more stable and mature for that to happen. So, for now we're not an item. But we both want it so bad. I'm anxious to be with her. It feels like a genuine connection. ✨️

Yeah, that's our love story. For now, she's teaching me to love myself and be more joyful. How to handle intense and complicated emotions. It's beautiful cause we're growing together like a couple would already. It's weird people don't believe you can marry or be together with a God when literally they come down and be with humans all the time. It's just strange.

That concludes my rant, godspousing is a real thing and it's beautiful. Do your research before committing. And understand marriage is a hard thing to go through especially as figure out how your relationship will look once your marriage begins. Married life isn't a joke haha 😆 anyway. Love you guys. From Aphrodite and I, see ya later!

#aphrodite #godspouse #godspousing #goddess #love #love advice #marriage #lovesick #i love them #aesthetic #pagan #hellenism #hellenistic #hellenic polytheism

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kth1 · 3 months

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Sometimes relationships aren't worth it. Your mental health is more important than anything in this world and you deserve to love yourself more than anything. You should build yourself to find happiness and learn how to love yourself, relationships will only break what you've been working hard on. Give yourself the love that you would give to someone else that was too blind to appreciate you and your love. I know you can find that path. BTS showed me how to love myself and find happiness after terrible breakups I went through and I hope you find the same path too. 💜

my dear, i know you sent this on the 10th. i am so sorry but didn't really process your words until recently. i know i wanted to respond, but it was hard at first. i do agree, sometimes relationships aren't made to be. selfishly, we do have to think of ourselves in the mix of things as well. i want to say i'm wise enough to know my worth (being here on this planet for 30 years does help me gain some wisdom) but i know i will be forever learning! and that's ok. as a tmi, i've only been in a handful of real, effort based, relationships. i also don't go around (this day and age is SCARY) and just mess with people and emotions. so when i commit, i devote. when i devote, i see potential and willing to work with that person. this is me - not everyone. and i truly understand that, even if it hurts me.

in regard to my recent relationship, he and i broke up. i don't fear saying that to the tumblr world at all. we both have things we need to work on in our own perspectives, and frankly some things aren't fully accepted with another. it happens. not one person is the same as another, no matter how much compatibility you have. it's the willingness of wanting to work on yourself, work with that person, and grow together that matters. and sometimes it's not there. sadly, on my exes behalf, he has got to a point that feelings he once felt has diminished. multiple factors cause this, and its understandable. i can think, try to understand, and hypothesis as much as i can - but none of that would matter. because we can't fully control emotions and feelings. now, i own up to my problems. my patterns of things. i can apologize sincerely and say i will work on them, which i do, but working won't completely 180 something that i am. it takes time. and same for him. he wishes those feelings were there again, he wants them back but the harder he tries the more they push away. again, we can't force things to happen in an instant. (let's also mention that ever since these problems came to the surface, he felt like the relationship felt more like a job now instead of relaxing)

so in a safe way, we are saving another from a harder hardship if we stuck together and tried and tried. where he doesn't fully know where to begin. it is ok.

so i gave you a bit of taste of my current status, i could go on for hours but it won't mean anything in the end. it could be a funk he is in and just fears stuff, it fuels him to pull away. it's possible but i can't dwell on those thoughts. i know i deserve love, and currently he cannot fulfill that. no matter how much i also wish he could feel again. only time could tell.

but coming back around, because now i wrote SO much lmao -- i agree. it is very important to love yourself. know what you want and be surrounded by things you enjoy. even if it's not as "enjoyable" at first, it can still be things you like. for example, me and giffing or writing. i enjoy them, but i've been so preoccupied and down on myself that those feel like tasks to me. (reflecting to the above statement of how our relationship begun feeling like a job) i know i enjoy those things but they don't satisfy me much currently. and this is probably the type of feeling he feels. and it's okay. i do know, deep down, i love those things but sometimes my feelings toward it fluctuate.

i will make sure to take my days, appreciate who i have and what i have, and know there is still a future ahead for me. i know focusing on myself is better for myself, and i don't need anyone to fill that besides myself. i truly appreciate you reaching out and giving me such kind, thoughtful words. and i am so sorry for going on a tangent and typing so much. i made this very "me" based and i am very sorry. i do know one day i'll find another excitement and fuels me, maybe it will be bts again haha. but -- wrapping this up -- i thank you so much for being so kind and soft with me. you are amazing, and i hope you know that! please enjoy yourself and the things in your life! it was great to hear from you <3

#ask #this is a novel #read more FOR A REASON

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ruchirathior · 2 years

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How To Find Happiness Within Yourself

Introduction

There is no need to look outside yourself for happiness. In fact, if you do so, you will end up disappointed. Happiness comes from within, and it's something that we all have the ability to create for ourselves. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are in life; you can still find joy right where you are at this very moment—and then share it with others! Here are some tips on how to do just that:

Don't look for happiness in other people.

Whether it’s your partner, family members, friends or colleagues – don’t rely on them to make you feel happy.

No one can be responsible for your happiness except you. So don’t expect others to be happy when they are not. Don’t expect other people to be happy for you when they aren’t and don't expect that others should be happy with you if they aren't either.

Let go of the idea of perfection.

● The idea of perfection is a myth. Nobody is perfect, and nobody can be perfect—not even you. If you think there’s such a thing as perfection, then it quite literally cannot happen because it would have to be complete and absolute. You don’t have to strive for being “perfect” any more than you have to strive for being “superhuman.”

● Perfection must not be the goal for your happiness! It doesn't exist in our world, so why force yourself into thinking that it does? Instead of making yourself miserable trying to achieve something that isn't possible, focus on being happy with who you are now and what has happened in your past (no matter how painful).

Clarify your values, and then live by them.

Values are the things that you believe in and stand for. They're not just about what you do, but who you are. If your values don't guide your actions, they're not really values at all—they're just words on a page or in a list of priorities.

Values help you make decisions. They help you choose between options when everything else feels the same. For example: Is this worth my time? Am I willing to devote this much effort toward this goal? What does it mean for me if I achieve my goal? If success means sacrificing myself for others or compromising my values, would it be worth it?

To clarify what's important to us and align our lives with our core beliefs and principles is an ongoing process...

Remember to take care of yourself.

Remember to take care of yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget about your own needs. But self-care is important, and it doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming. Take a walk on your lunch break, play with your kids for an hour every day or make sure you get enough sleep each night—all these things can help you feel happy!

We all face challenges throughout our lives, but it’s important that we learn how best to cope with them when they arise. If you have ever been through something difficult or traumatic, it might seem impossible that happiness could ever return again. But by incorporating some simple habits into your life (such as those outlined above), improving your well-being will become much easier than you think.

Become comfortable with the idea of change.

Change is a natural part of life, and you can't avoid it. You can, however, prepare for it by accepting the fact that change is inevitable and learn to live with it. Change is a good thing—it allows us to grow as individuals and as a society. But when change happens quickly without warning or preparation, we often experience negative emotions such as fear and anxiety. To deal with these feelings about your own personal situation:

Smile at least once a day.

Smiling can make you feel better. It is a good way to start the day, as you are waking up and setting goals for yourself. It is also a great way to end the day, as it helps you reflect on what happened throughout your day and reassures you that everything is okay. Looking More visit ruchi rathior.

Smiling is also a great way to break the ice with strangers! If someone looks at me and smiles, I'll automatically smile back because they just gave me their approval of my presence in this world and we're going to be friends now. And if they don't smile back or say anything like "Hi" or "What's up?" then I know that person isn't worth my time because it means he/she doesn't appreciate my existence anymore than I do theirs (which isn't much).

Know that you don't have to have it all together all the time.

A lot of us are stuck in the “all or nothing” mindset. We want to be perfect, but we also don’t want to admit that we have flaws and weaknesses. As a result, we feel like we can't be happy because there's always something more that needs to happen for us to feel whole or successful (i.e., losing 10 pounds, getting married, having kids). But knowing that you don't have it all together all the time is actually freeing—you can relax into yourself and be your best self without feeling pressured by an unrealistic standard of perfection.

It helps if you acknowledge these imperfections and embrace them: “I make mistakes sometimes; thank goodness! It means I'm human." Or: "I am flawed in many ways; it makes me uniquely me!" Or even just: "I have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else."

Learn to accept love from others.

● Learn to accept love from others.

● Don’t be afraid to show your feelings.

● Don’t take things personally.

● Don't be afraid to ask for help.

● Be vulnerable and let people in, even if they will hurt you in the end.

Letting go of unrealistic expectations will help you live your life in a happier way

Letting go of unrealistic expectations will help you live your life in a happier way. You need to be realistic about what you can achieve, but also be willing to let go of the things that are not important or worth achieving. This will bring peace into your life and make it easier for you to enjoy the good things around you.

Conclusion

There are many ways to find happiness within yourself. It doesn't always come easy, but with practice and patience you can learn to love yourself for who you are.

#ruchi rathior

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shericraig3 · 2 years

Text

How To Find Happiness Within Yourself

Introduction

Don't look for happiness in other people.

Whether it’s your partner, family members, friends or colleagues – don’t rely on them to make you feel happy.

Let go of the idea of perfection.

Clarify your values, and then live by them.

To clarify what's important to us and align our lives with our core beliefs and principles is an ongoing process...

Remember to take care of yourself.

Become comfortable with the idea of change.

Smile at least once a day.

Know that you don't have to have it all together all the time.

Learn to accept love from others.

● Learn to accept love from others.

● Don’t be afraid to show your feelings.

● Don’t take things personally.

● Don't be afraid to ask for help.

● Be vulnerable and let people in, even if they will hurt you in the end.

Letting go of unrealistic expectations will help you live your life in a happier way

Conclusion

There are many ways to find happiness within yourself. It doesn't always come easy, but with practice and patience you can learn to love yourself for who you are.

#ruchi rathior

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hallow-witxh · 3 years

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Working with Deities

I have several more asks like these ones, so I'm going to use these to explain my stance on deity work/worship, and also who and how I work with/worship.

Before I do that, a few notes of consideration:

You don't have to work with or worship a deity to practice witchcraft. Witchcraft does not require religion.

You can be religious and not worship a deity.

Deities won't talk to you. Chances are, you're not going to spoken to directly. Most communication seems to be a mix of readings (pendulum, tarot, candle, etc) and emotional sensations.

It's not going to be easy.

Some deities are harder to work with and research than others, so depending on your experience and research skills, choose carefully.

Patience is key.

Don't expect an overwhelming result.

So let's answer the main question: what's the difference between working with and worshiping a deity? For me, personally, I believe the difference is the communication and cooperation between the deity and myself.

Working with a deity

If I'm working with a deity, I'm going to expect changes to my magical influence and expect to work more with what they specialize in. For example, when I'm not feeling like myself and I don't like who I am, I work closely with Aphrodite to help love myself again. I ask to incorporate her influence into a self-love spell, spell jar, or ritual. Her presence is an amplification of my own abilities. As thanks, I leave gifts; tokens of appreciation. Growing plants, wine, fruit, herbs, sugar cubes, bones, crystals, candles, etc. I leave them on my altar.

Worshiping a deity

When I worship a deity, I don't expect cooperation. Personally, my worshiping is very simple: I pray when it feels right, I bring gifts and offerings, I light candles in the colors corresponding to them (example: Aphrodite usually has a red or pink candle). It's very much a one-way street, a way of showing my appreciation towards their influence on my life.

Finding a deity

The first step to knowing who to work with or worship is fairly easy. Personally, i recommend working with those who already work with your style of magic or who can help influence you in a way you need. For example: I am very, very afraid of water, and I'm also afraid of the dark. It's a set of crippling fears that used to effect how I lived my life. When I realized I needed to overcome these fears, I decided to research Salacia. She is a deity of the deep sea, and her influence combined with therapy, medications, and shadow work, helped me redefine my anxiety around water and darkness. I'm also very much a homesteading/kitchen/herbal witch, so I worship Demeter, Persephone, Eir, Asclepius, and others who represent the home, heart, healing, and herbs/plants/forests.

A very important note: if you are not a part of a closed culture, that cultures deity is not drawing you to them. You are not their people. If you're being drawn to a deity from a closed culture, research deities in non-closed cultures that may have similar qualities. There will be someone else who can work with you. Greek, Norse, and Egyptian religions aren't closed, and their histories and stories are very well-known.

Is it easy/beginner-friendly?

This is my personal opinion from my personal experience: no, deity work is not very beginner-friendly. It requires a lot of in-depth research on possibly vague embodiments or extremely powerful ones. Working with any kind of deity is going to require a lot of research, boundary setting, stubbornness, and the willingness to be patient and a lot of baby/beginner witches aren't aware of how to thoroughly study accurate resources for the information they need.

However, I personally believe that worshiping any open-culture deity should be open to everyone, including baby witches/beginners. Worshiping is all about your actions towards them, meaning worship is simply a show of appreciation and devotion. Make sure that whoever you worship, you do your research, and worship in a way that feels right and not forced. If praying isn't an option for you, leaving gifts and offerings on an altar/offering dish is also a common act of worship.

Who I work with and worship?

I have been worshiping and working with what seems to be a wide variety of deities as of late. Aphrodite was one of the first deities I've ever worked with, and our work was majorly about learning to love and forgive myself for things I had no control over. Her influence, combined with therapy and medications, helped me overcome eating disorders, self-loathing, and overworking myself. A lot of her work were small rituals and short spells focusing on loving myself and finding the parts of me that I love the most. To worship her, I burn dried roses and lavender, offer seashell, sand, apple juice, and offer pieces of fruits I eat like apples and oranges. I also leave her a small bottle of my favorite scents, which is Apple N Spice from Valerie's Uncommon Scents.

As of more recently, I've been working with fewer deities and worshiping more. Sekhmet, Salacia, and Loki are three deities I've been steadfastly working with, but I tend to worship those who have a hand in things that mean the most to me. Deities that represent and have control over herbs, gardens, animals, nightmares, healing, forgiveness, anger, and chaos are more likely to get my attention.

I work with Sekhmet to help me get over being a people-pleaser and set fiercer boundaries, Salacia to help overcome my fear of water and darkness, and Loki to help invite confidence and willingness to take risks and have fun. Like Aphrodite working with me, these rituals tend to be very short, or focusing more on smoke cleansing, kitchen magic, spell jars, and other physical embodiments of magic.

Be safe, do your research, and always practice in a cleansed space. You want to make sure your space is open to your efforts. Blessed be everyone <3

Tips and Commissions: Ko-Fi

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hearth-and-veil · 2 years

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You grew up evangelical baptist like me. Can you talk about how that contributed to your sense of modesty? Because I grew up the exact same I could tell you the conference, and I don't feel like covering up. Part of me says youre contributing to slut shaming and part of me says you aren't.

Before anybody gets mad at Anon for saying this, please take a sec and remember that in evangelical and conservative Christianity, modesty IS about slut shaming. It isn't some beautiful act of devotion to God. It's about not being perceived as a whore so that a man will want to marry you and stay married to you.

I really feel your struggle because I had it too. And I still have it sometimes, living in a Bible Belt, because I will often end up as the object against other women and girls are negatively compared. It feels truly awful because my personal choice is being held against other women.

First and foremost, I actually cover up because of the sun. I show more skin on a rainy day than a sunny one! I have PMLE, EDS, and I take meds that increase UV sensitivity.

That said, I do have a personal sartorial code of what I consider acceptable for me (and only me!) to wear. It isn't religiously motivated but I would be lying if I said it wasn't religiously influenced.

I grew up with my body being a shameful stumbling block for men and boys, not a beautiful creation of the Divine. I was responsible for my body, but it didn't belong to me. It belonged to my father (per the church, my dad never acted that way) and to my future husband. It was like being a valet - the fancy car didn't belong to me, but it was my fault if someone else dinged it!

I also grew up with all the bad metaphors. I was candy that needed a wrapper, a flower who had to protect my petals, pearls that needed to stay in a jewelry box. Anything but a person, basically. And it anything happened to me, I was to blame. And if a boy or grown man stumbled, I was responsible for his sin.

I was only allowed to wear certain types of underwear. I had to wear a bra once I hit puberty, even though I was completely flat chested, because my nipnops might show. Kitten heels only, nothing over 1 inch (kitten heels are somehow more demure than flats). My underwear couldn't show through my clothes (ie nude under white, black under black, etc). No straps were allowed. No panty lines (this was only enforced in church for me). My skirts and shorts had to reach the top of my knees. My sleeves had to be at least a handsbreadth. I couldn't wear a neckline more than a handsbreadth beneath my collar bone. No skin-tight clothes.

There was never anything but shame, even though my parents weren't actually *that* bad, comparatively. What I was taught was that I was better than other women and girls since I covered myself and they didn't.

There was a lot of "what was she wearing" and "why was she out that late" and "well what did she expect, going to a bar, alone, dressed like that?"

And honestly, as much as saying this pisses some people off, I was and am treated better when dressed modestly. It's disgusting but it's true.

So yes, of course all of this shaped my thoughts and feelings about modesty. I still wrestle with some internalized misogyny because of it. The difference now is that I do it for completely different reasons. I don't do it out of shame anymore. I do it for my own physical and mental comfort. I want my body to be mine; to be private to me.

Regardless of the disheartening fact that I am used by people to put other women down, I personally am not contributing to the slut shaming. My personal choice to cover up doesn't change anyone's mentality. Somebody who already feels that way, already feels that way. No one is going to look at me in my long sleeved maxi dress in the middle of South Carolina's summer and say "You know, until I set eyes on you, I thought women should be free to wear whatever they want, but now I think anyone who doesn't dress like you is a whore." That's not how any of this works.

For my part, I rip people a new one if they ever dare say that shamey shit to my face. If somebody says they want their daughter or granddaughter to dress more like me for X terrible reason, I'm liable to cuss them the fuck out and show them exactly how immodest I actually am.

I don't know if this is a helpful answer, but it's the only one I've got.

#modesty #modest clothing #modesty struggle #ex christian

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charliedawn · 4 years

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Imagine being the only angel that likes Lucifer and is still fighting for his redemption

" Chloe ! You have awful neighbors, did you know that..?!"

" Lucifer !"

The devil doesn't have the time to make one more step inside the room that you are already jumping in his arms. He sighs as he recognizes you and awkwardly pats your back until you untangle yourself from him, a wide smile spread across your face.

" Y/N..What are you doing here ?"

He asks straight away, but you only shrug nonchalantly, as if your presence was of no importance.

" Just wanted to check on you ! Are you alright ? Father told me that you could use some company ! Plus, aren't I allowed to visit my favorite angel from time to time ?!"

He looks at Chloe that only shrugs at him, as clueless as he is. She had noticed you waiting near her house and had first suspected you to be a threat, but the way you had smiled at her had immediately made her trust you somehow.

" Chloe is a wonderful woman ! I understand why you like her so much. Thank you for the tea."

Lucifer looks at the empty cup and raises an eyebrow at the detective.

" Hey ! Why didn't you ever made me some tea ?"

Chloe scoffs at his poor attempt at jealousy before walking past him.

" Because A) She's better behaved and B) She isn't the Devil. Now, you two have a lot to catch up on I assume, so I'll be taking Trixie to the zoo while you two take care of whatever you're here for.."

She glances at you knowingly and you smile gratefully at her. She slams the door behind her and as soon as she is gone, Lucifer loses his playful smile and looks at you with a worried expression.

" Y/N..What are you really doing here ? You are one of his favorites. You have to return up there. It is not safe down here.."

You frown at his sudden seriousness and give a little pout before replying, your arms crossed.

" But it is for you ? You were one of us, Luci. The Greatest. It hurt me so much when I saw you fall and I am still fighting for your redemption ! You have changed. You have changed so much and I am not about to give up because you have !"

His eyes start watering despite himself and he asks you with a tremor in his voice.

" Why still believe in me ? There is nothing to save anymore..Why try so hard, Y/N ?"

You seem to think about it for a while before sighing and looking up at him with a hopeful smile.

" Because, I remember who you were..I remember who we were to each other and it was so beautiful, Luci. We were beautiful. When you fell, it took Michael, Azrael and Gabriel to keep me from jumping after you. I love you, Luci. We all did at some point but, even if the others chose to forget, I didn't..If only your pride hadn't taken control over you. You could have been magnificent, the angel of angels..This is also why I decided to take care of Hell while you're gone, covering your absence from Dad.."

He frowns in incomprehension before you smile and take his appearance in front of him.

" Neat trick, huh ? Nobody noticed the difference up there..Well, almost nobody. Gabriel did, but he promised not to tell anyone."

He had almost forgotten completely about Hell and takes your hands to kiss your knuckles in a simple act of humble tenderness, knowing what you were risking in helping him, knowing what HE would do if he knew.

" I'm sorry. I just wanted to feel loved..I just wanted HIM to be proud of me..I don't regret what I did that day, but if I regret anything..It's to have made you suffer, my little angel.."

You stroke his hair softly and smile compassionately at him.

" HE knows..HE is always watching you and know that you were doing what you thought was just..One day, you will come back home and that day, I'll be here, waiting for you.."

Luci looks up at you and gently runs his hand through your locks. He then kisses your forehead and you smile before slowly wrapping your arms around his neck to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

" No matter what happens, you'll always have me, Luci.."

You look up at him with all of the love you feel for this cursed angel and Lucifer tightens his grip on you, his eyes momentarily turning red with emotions.

" This is what scares me, Y/N..My poor angel, waiting for me will destroy you. I will never come back. Either Father will send me back to Hell or I'll stay here, among the humans."

You bite your lower lip before looking up at him and finally admit what you had agreed on with the great above.

" I know..This is why Gabriel has allowed me to rule Hell while you stay here, permanently, or at least until Dad finds out.."

His eyes widen at the news and he shakes his head negatively before cradling your face with his hands, almost crying at your act of kindness.

" Oh no, my darling..I..I'm sure he didn't say that, he couldn't have agreed to that. You must have misunderstood..You can't do that..Gabriel would never let you do that. And even if he did, I can't ask you to do that for me.."

You puff your cheeks, upset at his lack of faith.

" Why don't you believe me ?! Have you forgotten that the code forbids me to lie ?! Or do you have such little faith on my abilities ?!"

He laughs at your grumpy expression and shakes his head, making you understand that that wasn't what he meant, before putting his forehead against yours.

" Oh no, angel..It's not about not believing that you are good enough, I know that you are. It's about you not being here, right now, with me..Not being blamed for something that should be my responsibility.."

You try to make sense of his words until you seem to understand and burst out laughing to his astonishment.

" I see what's happening here ! You're afraid I'll put myself between you and the lovely policewoman ! But, don't worry, I'll be as discreet as a mouse as long as I'll stay here..I'm just here for a month and then, I'll be gone. I even got a job as a teacher at the school of Trixie, so you won't have to worry about me asking for money ! Lovely kid by the way !"

If Lucifer didn't have a headache before, he certainly did now..He is overwhelmed by the amount of information you've just given him and falls on the sofa. You follow him and sit next to him with your eternal sweet smile on your face and he runs his hand over his face, worry and tiredness written all over his features. You put your hands on his shoulders and your chin upon one of your hands, trying to soothe him by stroking his shoulders with your thumbs reassuringly.

" Let me take care of you..You've suffered enough, my wonderful little snake.."

Lucifer smiles at the familiar nickname before laying his hand over your back and looking down at you with teary eyes.

" Even after all this time, you still accept me ? You still find the strength in yourself to love me ?"

You answer him with a wide grin.

" Always. I'll always love you, Luci..They can tell me whatever they want, I know you and who you really are. I've seen every single part of you and I will always love all of them. Your flaws and your imperfections are what makes you so perfect..Can't you see ? You're not Father's greatest failure, your Father's greatest wonder. I could never be as human and empathetic as you are, I could never love them the way you can, because you understand them. Their desires, dreams and feelings are in you as well. In some way, I envy you. You'll always be closer to them than I'll ever be.."

Lucifer listens to your words with great attention and when you're finished, he looks at you like he's never looked at anyone before. He is full of gratitude and can't stop smiling at the abundance of kindness you had bestowed upon him. He kisses the palm of your hands, tears rolling down his cheeks and his heart swollen with adoration and devotion towards you.

" There is nothing great about humanity, but you seem to always see good in everything and everyone..You can't imagine how much I've missed you.."

You giggle as he peppers you face with kisses.

" I've missed you too, Luci..But, I think you should probably stop acting this way, or people will think you have a soft spot.."

You tease him and he takes a fake gasp before pointing a finger at himself.

" Me ?! Why never..?!"

You chuckle at his false startled expression before wrapping your hands around his waist to mumble against his shoulder.

" I love you, Luci..I know you don't believe me, but I really do."

He glances down at you with open tenderness before slowly petting the top of your head with care.

" I know, love..But, we both know that it will end in misery for the both of us.."

You smile up at him and kiss him on the cheek before replying with a shrug. You tighten your hold on him and make yourself even more comfortable by laying your head on his thighs.

" Misery with you is better than misery without you.."

He sighs loudly before looking down at you and seeing you suddenly asleep..Unaware that you were still somehow able to hear him, he whispers almost sorrowfully to himself.

" What hurts the most is that..You won't remember anything of what you just said.."

He watches your silent form for a while and takes a shaky breath before looking up at the sky, knowing that HE is listening.

" Punishing me wasn't enough ? You had to punish her as well ? How many centuries must you make her suffer and wait for something that will never happen ? You promised that when I would fall, she would stay safe..You gave me your word ! You turned around and left me to fall without her or you ! Can you imagine the pain I felt when I woke up in that dreadful place; alone and scared. And not only did you leave me, you took her away from me too ! You promised you wouldn't, and yet you did ! You gave up on us ! You gave up on me ! And just when I thought I would finally be able to forget her and live with Chloe, you send her to me and make me love her all over again ! What must I do to finally be able to forget ! I've done what you asked, over and over again ! I erased her memory every time she would come to see me ! I made sure that she would not remember all the moments we shared together after my fall ! And yet, you can't even keep an eye on her and let her run Hell alone ?! Why ?! To make me even more guilty ?! Every 100 years ! Every 100 years you let her come down here and make me suffer by erasing everything ! I thought that once I would be among them, she wouldn't be able to find me anymore, but as always, I'm trapped and must see the only person I love forget about me, over and over again.."

He starts crying and doubles in pain at the rage eating him up from the inside. This is where he feels it, a small tremor, a slight change in body position..He freezes in horror and looks down at you, to meet directly with your wide glassy eyes full of pain and grief.

"..Every 100 years ?.."

His breath stops as he understands that you've been listening to him and shakes his head at his own stupidity.

" Luci...? How many times did I come here to see you ?"

As he bites his lower lip in order not to answer you, you straighten up and ask again firmly, all joy having left your voice.

" How many times, Lucifer ?"

His eyes wander around the room before looking back at you and his heart tightens as he knows that he couldn't lie to you anymore.

" 50 times..You came 50 times and every time, you took a body and as soon as this body would reach its limit, you would die and get back up there with HIM..He would reset your memory and you would forget everything if I didn't do it first..while I remember everything. It hurts, Y/N..Just when I thought I could forget about you, he sends you again.."

You open your mouth agape at the news and look at the body you had taken and feel tears gathering up in your eyes. For centuries, you've fought for Lucifer's redemption, not even noticing that you were the one who was also being punished.

" This woman..Do you love her ?"

You suddenly ask and Lucifer stays silent for a moment before finally confessing.

" Not as much as you.."

You laugh at his answer before shaking your head and looking back at him with tears in your eyes, still full of compassion for him.

" But you will..You will love her with all of your heart and, knowing you, you will find a way for her to be by your side forever, something I can't be.."

He was about to deny your words, but you don't let him and stand up to walk towards the door. He quickly does the same and puts his hand over yours when you were about to use the handle to open the door.

" Please, angel..It is hard enough for me to know that I have very little time with you..Don't go."

He pleads and it takes all of your strength not to indulge in his request. You turn around and kiss him with a burning passion, to let him know that you weren't leaving him because you wanted to..But because you knew that there was nothing that you could do that wouldn't end up in tears and blood, because you love him. When he opens his eyes again, you are gone and he falls to his knees, knowing that it was probably the last time he would see you, or be intimate with you in this life. He knows that you've just given him the highest form of mercy there is: this kiss, signifying his freedom and the start of his new life..But then, why does it hurt so much ? As if you had just taken a part of himself with you..He looks up to see the car of Chloe that parks in front of the house, a very excited Trixie in her arms and wipes his tears away to smile at the family that he had learned to be a part of.

" So, is your friend gone ?"

Chloe asks, looking around to see if you were still in the house. Lucifer frowns before asking, confused.

" What friend ?"

One month later :

" Be safe on your way back, okay Trixie ?"

Trixie smiles up at you and nods vividly.

" Don't worry, my dad is coming to get me !"

You ark an eyebrow, wondering if Chloe had finally got herself a man to look after Trixie..not suspecting one bit that Lucifer would be the one entering your classroom to get Trixie. The little girl jumps in his arms and you can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm, as well as Lucifer's obvious awkwardness. When you make eye contact, you simply smile politely at each other and he turns around to get the girl back home. Perfect strangers. When he is gone however, you feel a pain in your chest and have to grip on the nearby table in order to support yourself. When you look up, you see Gabriel and smile bitterly, knowing why he was here..

" So, my time has come then, Gab ?"

He looks almost apologetic when he extends his hand towards you and answers affirmatively.

" You know the drill, Y/N..one month with him. You're the one who wished to share his burden..Hell is waiting.."

You close your eyes and nod in submission.

" I know..Lead the way, Gabriel."

Lucifer is feeling uneasy..He has this feeling that he knew that teacher somehow..But couldn't seem to recall where he could have seen her before..

" You know, the new teacher is really nice ! She got us some cake today, and said that I was going to become a very fine lady when I grow up !"

She puffs her chest out proudly and Lucifer smiles while they arrive at Chloe's house.

" Really ? And what else did she tell you ?"

Trixie frowns in deep concentration before answering him.

" Well..her name is Y/N..And when I said to her that I was friends with the devil, she told me to take care of him, as he is a very special friend.."

Lucifer chuckles before opening the door of his car and letting the little girl out to enter the house where her mother was trying desperately to find an explanation to her new case, not supernatural this time. It was rather refreshing..However, his thoughts come back to the earlier event when he had made eye contact with you, your smile had almost seemed..sad ? Y/N..Y/N..Where had he already heard that name before ? He searches in each corner of his memory, the feeling of knowing nagging and annoying him. He is in the middle of the driveway when he suddenly remembers and stops abruptly. His tires screech loudly on the pavement when he pulls back. He starts driving at a fast speed towards the school.

" Wait for me Y/N, I'm coming.."

You find yourself on the top of the school and look at Gabriel that seems to read your thoughts.

" He's not coming.."

You smile sadly at the prospect and nod understandingly.

" I know..Hell needs me, and he doesn't."

You take a big breath before opening your eyes, the last rays of sunlight reflecting in your eyes as your body starts shifting into his.

" Are we ready to go, Lucifer ?"

You smile at Gabriel's new name for you and nod before looking at yourself and smirking, the same smirk you had learned to love and hate as you were exercising how to do it in front of your mirror.

" Let's go, humans are such a boredom anyway !"

If Gabriel hadn't seen the transformation with his own eyes, he would have thought that it was the true Lucifer that was now standing before him..It is just when you deploy your white wings that he remembers that it is still you, under all of that pretend..You are both about to take your leave when you hear the loud bang of a car crashing nearby. You both look down and see Lucifer get out of the car, his eyes flashing a bright orange as he looks up at you. You shiver at the anger radiating from him and try to fly up after Gabriel. However, Lucifer shouts your name in such a guttural and ferocious way that you freeze.

" Y/N ! Don't you dare fly away from me ! I forbid you to go !"

You glance down at him and see that he has taken his true appearance back and each step he takes are trailed by little flames of Hell's fire. You shake your head and tear your eyes away from him to take a step back and jump in the air to follow Gabriel. Gabriel tries to warn you, but before he could utter a word, someone had tackled you to the ground in mid-air. When you look up, you see a very angry Lucifer on top of you and it's the first time that you are actually scared of him.

" Luci..? Wh..What are you..?!"

" Enough !"

He cuts you off with all of his mighty authority and you can't do anything but stay quiet as he glares at you.

" What do you think will happen if any of the demons down there recognizes you ?! What went through your little naive mind to think that that would ever work ?! You're an angel, Y/N ?! Come on, you really thought about the consequences of your actions ?!"

Your lower lip quivers at his harsh words and you feel hot tears rolling down your cheeks. He grins evilly at you before wiping your tears in a false gesture of sympathy.

" Aww..If you had done your researches like a good little angel, you would have known that Lucifer Morningstar doesn't cry.."

" Liar !"

You shout back and he smirks at your insult.

" See ? Progress."

He then stands up and yanks you up just as Gabriel flies down next to the both of you. He looks at the both of you before sighing and taking a step back, making you understand that he wouldn't take part of what was to unfold.

" I don't know what's going on, and I don't have the time to care..All I know is that I have to bring one of you in Hell before the gates close tonight.."

You and Lucifer look at each other and Lucifer is surprised to see you get on a fighting stance, but smiles at the determination in your eyes.

" You want to got to Hell ? Fine by me..But you'll have to go through me first."

Far from feeling threatened, Lucifer is amused by your strength of will and his smile widens. He slowly takes back his human form and cracks his fingers theatrically before gesturing for you to step closer with his index.

" Wanna fight the devil ? I must warn you, it plays dirty.."

You smile at his innuendo before running towards him and throw a punch at his face. He takes a step back, not having expected you to actually be fighting him, but quickly composes himself and tries to knock you out with a blow to the head. However, you're too fast and make him fall by round kicking his legs. You can't help but smile smugly at his startled expression.

" Have I forgotten to mention that I've been learning a thing ot two about fighting with Michael ?"

He groans at the name of his brother and quickly stands up to attack again. Soon, you are both fighting each other seriously and, blow after blow, both get tired. Gabriel doesn't even know which one is which at the end, when you both pass out. However, Time is running out and he decides to take the closest Lucifer to fly away. He succeeds in arriving to the gates just in time and when you wake up, you find yourself in Hell. You look around and see the billions of souls being tortured and it takes all of your self-control not to throw up and remain poised on your throne of stone. You close your eyes and take multiple breaths to calm yourself. When you open your eyes, you sit straight and whisper to yourself.

" Okay..Here we go, Lucifer..Wish me luck.."

#lucifer morningstar #lucifer #Trixie #netflix #movies #series #afterlife #Lucifer Morningstar x reader

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